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Normal Family: On Truth, Love, and How I Met My 35 Siblings
"One of the maddest memoirs you'll read this year... This beautiful, warm, funny book is a testament to human resilience, forgiveness and humour. It is also a love letter to an extraordinary mother." — The Times
What is a “normal family,” and how do you go about making one? Chrysta Bilton’s magnetic, larger-than-life mother, Debra, yearned to have a child, but as a single gay woman in 1980s California, she had few options. Until one day, while getting her hair done in a Beverly Hills salon, she met a man and instantly knew he was the one she’d been looking for. Beautiful, athletic, artistic, and from a well-to-do family, Jeffrey Harrison appeared to be Debra’s ideal sperm donor.
A verbal agreement, a couple of thousand in cash, and a few squirts of a turkey baster later, and Chrysta was conceived. Over the years, Jeffrey would make regular appearances at the family home, which grew to include Chrysta’s baby sister. But how much did Debra really know about the man she’d chosen to father her daughters? And as a single mother torn between ferocious independence and abject dependence—on other women, alcohol, drugs, and the adrenaline of get-rich-quick schemes—what secrets of her own was she keeping?
It wasn’t until Chrysta was a young adult that she discovered just how much her parents had hidden from their daughters—and each other—including a shocking revelation with far-reaching consequences not only for Debra, Chrysta, and her sister, but for dozens and possibly hundreds of unsuspecting families across the country. After a lifetime of longing for a “normal family,” can Chrysta face the reality of her own, in all its complexity?
Bringing us into the fold of a deeply dysfunctional yet fiercely loving clan that is anything but “normal,” this emotional roller coaster of a memoir will make you cry, laugh, and rethink the meaning of family.
What is a “normal family,” and how do you go about making one? Chrysta Bilton’s magnetic, larger-than-life mother, Debra, yearned to have a child, but as a single gay woman in 1980s California, she had few options. Until one day, while getting her hair done in a Beverly Hills salon, she met a man and instantly knew he was the one she’d been looking for. Beautiful, athletic, artistic, and from a well-to-do family, Jeffrey Harrison appeared to be Debra’s ideal sperm donor.
A verbal agreement, a couple of thousand in cash, and a few squirts of a turkey baster later, and Chrysta was conceived. Over the years, Jeffrey would make regular appearances at the family home, which grew to include Chrysta’s baby sister. But how much did Debra really know about the man she’d chosen to father her daughters? And as a single mother torn between ferocious independence and abject dependence—on other women, alcohol, drugs, and the adrenaline of get-rich-quick schemes—what secrets of her own was she keeping?
It wasn’t until Chrysta was a young adult that she discovered just how much her parents had hidden from their daughters—and each other—including a shocking revelation with far-reaching consequences not only for Debra, Chrysta, and her sister, but for dozens and possibly hundreds of unsuspecting families across the country. After a lifetime of longing for a “normal family,” can Chrysta face the reality of her own, in all its complexity?
Bringing us into the fold of a deeply dysfunctional yet fiercely loving clan that is anything but “normal,” this emotional roller coaster of a memoir will make you cry, laugh, and rethink the meaning of family.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published July 12, 2022
About the author
Chrysta Bilton
2 books59 followersChrysta Bilton is the author of Normal Family, a memoir about love, addiction, family secrets, and meeting 35+ siblings. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and two children.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 608 reviews
November 25, 2022
Normal Family was a recent read/listen of mine, and right off the bat, I highly recommend it. Chrysta Bilton narrates the audio, which is always my favorite for memoirs. It feels even more personal and connects me to the author’s story all the more.
A quick blurb that says it all: “"One of the maddest memoirs you'll read this year... This beautiful, warm, funny book is a testament to human resilience, forgiveness and humour. It is also a love letter to an extraordinary mother." — The Times”
Normal Family is beautifully written and full of heart. It starts with Chrysta Bilton about to meet several of her previously unknown siblings, and then goes back in time to tell the story of her parents, especially her mother, before she is born, then the unconventional relationship between her parents, and throughout Chrysta’s growing up years. You have to meet her mother, Debra, and her father, Jeffrey, as well.
While her younger years are certainly anything but typical (what is a typical family anyway?!), it seems like it was full of love. The rest of the book I have to leave as a page-turning surprise for the reader! A must read for memoir fans.
I received a gifted copy.
Many of my reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com and instagram: www.instagram.com/tarheelreader
A quick blurb that says it all: “"One of the maddest memoirs you'll read this year... This beautiful, warm, funny book is a testament to human resilience, forgiveness and humour. It is also a love letter to an extraordinary mother." — The Times”
Normal Family is beautifully written and full of heart. It starts with Chrysta Bilton about to meet several of her previously unknown siblings, and then goes back in time to tell the story of her parents, especially her mother, before she is born, then the unconventional relationship between her parents, and throughout Chrysta’s growing up years. You have to meet her mother, Debra, and her father, Jeffrey, as well.
While her younger years are certainly anything but typical (what is a typical family anyway?!), it seems like it was full of love. The rest of the book I have to leave as a page-turning surprise for the reader! A must read for memoir fans.
I received a gifted copy.
Many of my reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com and instagram: www.instagram.com/tarheelreader
June 13, 2022
Stranger than fiction. Wild Game: My Mother, Her Lover and Me meets Educated in Bilton's memoir about her conception and its aftermath.
We only meet Bilton's 35 (and counting) sperm-donor siblings in the last couple of chapters; rather, the book is about Bilton growing up with a lesbian mom, how her mother coerced a man into sperm donation, and the erratic, toxic, addictive, and culty behaviors of these parents that wreaked havoc in Chrysta's home life.
I recommend this book to anyone who has had to parent their own parents, especially parents who create chaos around every corner.
RIYL: California, memoir, lesbian moms, (light) cults, Stray
We only meet Bilton's 35 (and counting) sperm-donor siblings in the last couple of chapters; rather, the book is about Bilton growing up with a lesbian mom, how her mother coerced a man into sperm donation, and the erratic, toxic, addictive, and culty behaviors of these parents that wreaked havoc in Chrysta's home life.
I recommend this book to anyone who has had to parent their own parents, especially parents who create chaos around every corner.
RIYL: California, memoir, lesbian moms, (light) cults, Stray
February 9, 2023
I didn’t realize there would be so much name dropping or that the author’s family members had notable people in their lives and that even without the sperm donor shared father they could be well known. The author’s mother was particularly interesting in this regard.
Even before I started it I knew this book might be depressing for me. That was just when I knew about the family/multiple siblings. That was before reading about the privilege, which was immense, though interspersed with its opposite.
I am an only child and always wanted siblings. I would have been delighted to find half siblings the way the author has. I remember feeling disappointed but not surprised when I sent in my DNA and found out that my parents really were my biological parents. It would have been lovely to find another family to which I belonged.
The book is mostly about the author’s growing up years in a dysfunctional family. The half siblings come into the picture well into the book and were not the main part of the story.
This account was head spinning. The author, her sister and especially her mother experienced so many lifestyles, relationships and life experiences. The level of privilege was insane. The level of chaos was insane. The amount of lying and of hiding the truth was insane. The life challenges were insane.
Two things fascinated me the most: The author’s mother was one. She’s an interesting and memorable person. I found her aggravating but at times also (sort of) endearing. Mostly annoying though. The other was the nature/nurture argument about which I’ve always been interested. Here there is a compelling argument for nature/genetics having a huge influence on people.
Except for the cover there were no photos in the Kindle eBook edition so I went looking for some and some more perspectives.
https://nypost.com/2022/08/13/my-dad-...
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandst...
https://wamu.org/story/22/07/14/this-...
and I guess there is a related film
https://www.pbs.org/independentlens/d...
I wasn’t really in the mood to read this book but it was a page-turner for me and got me past over a month of not reading books. I delighted in reading even though for me it was a painful read and I’m not sure how “great” it was. It worked for me though. Knowing or knowing of a lot the places in Los Angeles mentioned probably increased my enjoyment as did identifying just a bit with some of the author’s experiences.
Even though I found it to be a painful read I did enjoy it very much.
I wonder if the hardcover/paper edition has photos. This is the sort of book where I want to see lots of photographs! I was disappointed that there weren’t any.
Even before I started it I knew this book might be depressing for me. That was just when I knew about the family/multiple siblings. That was before reading about the privilege, which was immense, though interspersed with its opposite.
I am an only child and always wanted siblings. I would have been delighted to find half siblings the way the author has. I remember feeling disappointed but not surprised when I sent in my DNA and found out that my parents really were my biological parents. It would have been lovely to find another family to which I belonged.
The book is mostly about the author’s growing up years in a dysfunctional family. The half siblings come into the picture well into the book and were not the main part of the story.
This account was head spinning. The author, her sister and especially her mother experienced so many lifestyles, relationships and life experiences. The level of privilege was insane. The level of chaos was insane. The amount of lying and of hiding the truth was insane. The life challenges were insane.
Two things fascinated me the most: The author’s mother was one. She’s an interesting and memorable person. I found her aggravating but at times also (sort of) endearing. Mostly annoying though. The other was the nature/nurture argument about which I’ve always been interested. Here there is a compelling argument for nature/genetics having a huge influence on people.
Except for the cover there were no photos in the Kindle eBook edition so I went looking for some and some more perspectives.
https://nypost.com/2022/08/13/my-dad-...
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandst...
https://wamu.org/story/22/07/14/this-...
and I guess there is a related film
https://www.pbs.org/independentlens/d...
I wasn’t really in the mood to read this book but it was a page-turner for me and got me past over a month of not reading books. I delighted in reading even though for me it was a painful read and I’m not sure how “great” it was. It worked for me though. Knowing or knowing of a lot the places in Los Angeles mentioned probably increased my enjoyment as did identifying just a bit with some of the author’s experiences.
Even though I found it to be a painful read I did enjoy it very much.
I wonder if the hardcover/paper edition has photos. This is the sort of book where I want to see lots of photographs! I was disappointed that there weren’t any.
August 9, 2022
HUGE thanks to Little, Brown and Company, as well NetGalley, for the opportunity to read and review an early copy of Normal Family!
Wow. Just WOW!!! I found Normal Family to be utterly fascinating and totally unputdownable. The first part of the book tells of Debra's burning desire to become a mother. There was just one problem. Debra was a lesbian. Her attempt to go the artificial insemination route was a no-go when she found out that the donor may have been highly intelligent ... but he was also short and quite ugly. That would never work. Debra decided she would find a donor, herself. “It couldn’t be just any sperm. She needed someone gorgeous. Talented. Someone who looked the part with brilliance and a pedigree". While at a hair salon, she found THE ONE. (And Jeffrey Harrison absolutely WAS gorgeous! Google him.)
Normal Family then tells of the births and childhoods of Chrysta and her sister, Kait. Their lifestyle seemed to constantly teeter between opulence and abject poverty. Debra's partners came and went, as well, which the girls struggled with.
Then came the day when Chrysta sent a cheek swab to a DNA website and discovered that she had a few dozen half sisters and brothers! Possibly as many as 100. After Chrysta and Kait had been born, Jeffrey started donating his sperm a couple of times a week to the California Cryobank. At that time nothing was verified on donor applications so donors could write totally fictitious applications. Jeffrey had written that he had an interest in yoga, that he played multiple musical instruments, was college educated and had a background in acting. That, plus the fact that he was 6' tall and had blue eyes, made him the donor parents requested time after time.
I could go on and on but you need to read this book! Seriously!! What I've written is just the tip of the iceberg. The author did a fabulous job. As she says, "I also want to embrace the wonderful traits of my parents. You can see your childhood as ALL great or ALL terrible. Or, instead, you can look for the good things and try to repeat some of those." Very wise.
Wow. Just WOW!!! I found Normal Family to be utterly fascinating and totally unputdownable. The first part of the book tells of Debra's burning desire to become a mother. There was just one problem. Debra was a lesbian. Her attempt to go the artificial insemination route was a no-go when she found out that the donor may have been highly intelligent ... but he was also short and quite ugly. That would never work. Debra decided she would find a donor, herself. “It couldn’t be just any sperm. She needed someone gorgeous. Talented. Someone who looked the part with brilliance and a pedigree". While at a hair salon, she found THE ONE. (And Jeffrey Harrison absolutely WAS gorgeous! Google him.)
Normal Family then tells of the births and childhoods of Chrysta and her sister, Kait. Their lifestyle seemed to constantly teeter between opulence and abject poverty. Debra's partners came and went, as well, which the girls struggled with.
Then came the day when Chrysta sent a cheek swab to a DNA website and discovered that she had a few dozen half sisters and brothers! Possibly as many as 100. After Chrysta and Kait had been born, Jeffrey started donating his sperm a couple of times a week to the California Cryobank. At that time nothing was verified on donor applications so donors could write totally fictitious applications. Jeffrey had written that he had an interest in yoga, that he played multiple musical instruments, was college educated and had a background in acting. That, plus the fact that he was 6' tall and had blue eyes, made him the donor parents requested time after time.
I could go on and on but you need to read this book! Seriously!! What I've written is just the tip of the iceberg. The author did a fabulous job. As she says, "I also want to embrace the wonderful traits of my parents. You can see your childhood as ALL great or ALL terrible. Or, instead, you can look for the good things and try to repeat some of those." Very wise.
August 4, 2022
Memoir can be such a self-indulgent form of writing, which is why I so often avoid it. This story sounded like it had potential - 35 siblings! such commonalities! - but it ended up being 90% poorly written narrative about the authors tumultuous childhood and very little about any of the siblings or the relationships therein. I slogged through it, sure it would get better but it never did. For whatever reason it has great reviews here on GR, perhaps because people at heart are voyeurs, but if you are looking for extraordinary memoir, go read "Let's Not Go to the Dogs Tonight" by Alexandra Fuller and give this a pass.
August 10, 2022
This memoir was an absolutely wild experience. There's something extra special about listening to an audio book memoir read by the author, and Bilton did an excellent job telling her story. Despite her often unstable and confusing childhood, Bilton and her mother never stop loving each other. If you enjoyed North of Normal, Educated, or The Glass Castle I recommend adding this to your TBR!
July 16, 2022
What an extraordinary book, which proves that truth is indeed stranger than fiction! Chrysta and Kaitlyn certainly had a tumultuous upbringing which reads like a tragi-comedy, with both biological parents having mental health and addiction issues. The only drawback to the book is that, in the Kindle version at least, there were no photos of Chrysta, Kaitlyn, Debra and Jeffrey, or of the other half-siblings. The author kept saying this person looked just like Kaitlyn, etc. so please show us photos of Kaitlyn and that half-sibling(s)!
January 13, 2023
Chrysta and her sister are the daughters of a dynamic and damaged woman, a single lesbian who yearned for a child in the rather unaccepting 1980s – and found her ideal sperm donor in a hair salon. But both Debra and Jeffrey hid many secrets from their children.
There’s that oft-quoted opening sentence of Anna Karenina – “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” I thought of that quote, and how it’s subverted in this book. The author has a very unusual family, as we come to learn in the opening pages, but the focus stays on a far more relatable core. For the most part the book focuses on Bilton’s insecure childhood and her complex relationship with her parents.
The writing is simple but evocative, and places you on the spot with Chrysta and her sister throughout their turbulent lives. Both Debra and Jeffrey are larger-than-life, off-beat figures, and it was interesting to see the way Chrysta’s understanding of them morphs and broadens as she grows up. I liked that the headline-grabbing aspect of the story, the unexpected discovery of her multitude of siblings, is rolled into the greater story of the author coming to accept her childhood and her family.
However, I did think the story was a little spotty at times, as we hop around from place to place and from troubling or bizarre incident to troubling or bizarre incident. I also wished that we delved more into what shaped Debra and Jeffrey into becoming the people that they were. For a book that engages so heavily with the concept of generational trauma, I felt that we did not necessarily learn as much as I wished about what made Bilton’s parents the people that raised her.
Disclaimer: I received an ARC of this book from NetGalley. This is my honest and voluntary review.
There’s that oft-quoted opening sentence of Anna Karenina – “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” I thought of that quote, and how it’s subverted in this book. The author has a very unusual family, as we come to learn in the opening pages, but the focus stays on a far more relatable core. For the most part the book focuses on Bilton’s insecure childhood and her complex relationship with her parents.
The writing is simple but evocative, and places you on the spot with Chrysta and her sister throughout their turbulent lives. Both Debra and Jeffrey are larger-than-life, off-beat figures, and it was interesting to see the way Chrysta’s understanding of them morphs and broadens as she grows up. I liked that the headline-grabbing aspect of the story, the unexpected discovery of her multitude of siblings, is rolled into the greater story of the author coming to accept her childhood and her family.
However, I did think the story was a little spotty at times, as we hop around from place to place and from troubling or bizarre incident to troubling or bizarre incident. I also wished that we delved more into what shaped Debra and Jeffrey into becoming the people that they were. For a book that engages so heavily with the concept of generational trauma, I felt that we did not necessarily learn as much as I wished about what made Bilton’s parents the people that raised her.
Disclaimer: I received an ARC of this book from NetGalley. This is my honest and voluntary review.
June 23, 2022
This is truly one of the best books I have ever read. While Normal Family is a nonfiction story, it reads like a fictional novel, and I couldn't put it down.
Chrysta impeccably takes us on her journey of self-discovery, writing in such a way that you feel like you are living her life along with her. From challenges with substance abuse, an eating disorder, dealing with mentally unstable parents, and the difficulties of growing up in wealthy Los Angeles, Chrysta's strength shines through. That alone would have made an incredible book, but when you add that her father donated sperm resulting in over 100 half siblings, it's almost too much to comprehend.
Deb, Chrysta's mother, is one of the most colorful characters I've ever encountered. I would compare her to the Forest Gump of Hollywood. From politicians, gurus, and famous musicians, she has seen, met, and lived it all.
Set aside time because once you start this book, you won't be able to put it down.
Chrysta impeccably takes us on her journey of self-discovery, writing in such a way that you feel like you are living her life along with her. From challenges with substance abuse, an eating disorder, dealing with mentally unstable parents, and the difficulties of growing up in wealthy Los Angeles, Chrysta's strength shines through. That alone would have made an incredible book, but when you add that her father donated sperm resulting in over 100 half siblings, it's almost too much to comprehend.
Deb, Chrysta's mother, is one of the most colorful characters I've ever encountered. I would compare her to the Forest Gump of Hollywood. From politicians, gurus, and famous musicians, she has seen, met, and lived it all.
Set aside time because once you start this book, you won't be able to put it down.
August 2, 2022
Chrysta’s family is anything but normal. Her mother, Debra, wanted nothing more than to have a family. However, as a single lesbian during the 1980s, her options were limited. One day she meets the perfect man, Jeffrey, to father her children and propositions him to be a sperm donor. Jeffrey becomes an inconsistent prescence in Chrysta and her sister’s lives, and life begins to spiral out of control for this family, resulting in alcohol and drug use, schemes, and instability. As an adult, Chrysta learns about how truly dysfunctional upbringing was, including learning that she has at least 35 other siblings.
Review: I thought this book would be more about the 35 additional siblings, but this is primarily about Chrysta’s upbringing. It reminded me a lot of Educated, and Chrysta’s resilience despite her upbringing is quite admirable. This story is certainly complex and has some challenging themes, but I’d highly recommend to fans of memoirs, especially Educated.
Thank you Hachette audio for my audiobook!
Review: I thought this book would be more about the 35 additional siblings, but this is primarily about Chrysta’s upbringing. It reminded me a lot of Educated, and Chrysta’s resilience despite her upbringing is quite admirable. This story is certainly complex and has some challenging themes, but I’d highly recommend to fans of memoirs, especially Educated.
Thank you Hachette audio for my audiobook!
June 24, 2022
A page turner chronicling the author’s coming of age in a deeply moving and surprisingly funny series of chapters I didn’t want to end. She captures the complexity of human families and the depth of the characters who are often hilarious, sometimes shocking, and ultimately endearing.
We get to see what it’s like for a strong young girl to grow up parenting her younger sister and mother through wild family events and explore things like…cults, lesbian moms, sperm donors, surprise siblings, mental illness, addiction, celebrity, poverty and wealth, intergenerational trauma, and redemption.
A worthwhile and meaningful read for any family members of addicts, those exploring what family means—including in the age of 23andMe, children of gay parents—or anyone looking to understand what it was like for pioneering gay parents of previous generations, and people who want to laugh.
We get to see what it’s like for a strong young girl to grow up parenting her younger sister and mother through wild family events and explore things like…cults, lesbian moms, sperm donors, surprise siblings, mental illness, addiction, celebrity, poverty and wealth, intergenerational trauma, and redemption.
A worthwhile and meaningful read for any family members of addicts, those exploring what family means—including in the age of 23andMe, children of gay parents—or anyone looking to understand what it was like for pioneering gay parents of previous generations, and people who want to laugh.
August 9, 2022
The subject of people conceived with donor sperm meeting their half-siblings is one very close to my heart, especially since it happened in my family and resulted in me feeling like I have MORE wonderful children.
This book is not like that. Rather, it's the tight-focus memoir of a person who was raised in terrifyingly unstable billionaires to food-stamps waves, and how she watched her parents unravel. I couldn't look away, but it was not comfortable reading. It was more reality TV than not.
Infused with privilege, intermittently tone-deaf, but compulsively readable.
This book is not like that. Rather, it's the tight-focus memoir of a person who was raised in terrifyingly unstable billionaires to food-stamps waves, and how she watched her parents unravel. I couldn't look away, but it was not comfortable reading. It was more reality TV than not.
Infused with privilege, intermittently tone-deaf, but compulsively readable.
August 16, 2022
My review in emojis: 🧐😱😳😡😰😵💫🤭😡😹🤦♀️😳🥰😍😭💕
In one word: Fascinating.
What would you do if you found out your biological father birthed an unknown amount of siblings through sperm donation?
"Normal Family" is a raw and emotional memoir about the author's tumultuous upbringing that navigates through the workings of a complicated (and wild) family dynamic that will have you rushing through the pages. Being an empath and a mother made it hard for me to read at times because I felt so bad about everything the author and her sister went through growing up. But that doesn't mean I was able to put the book down or that I wanted to do so. I powered through the ups and downs of this unique story and savored every single page—emotional roller coaster and all. The story (despite being non-fiction) is beautifully written in fiction style, and the powerful messages throughout the pages are like hidden gems that I couldn't help but tab along the way. Every question that arose while reading was answered, and the ending was more satisfactory than expected; it made me cry!
TW: addiction, suicide, neglect, abusive relationships, mental health issues, alcoholism.
In one word: Fascinating.
What would you do if you found out your biological father birthed an unknown amount of siblings through sperm donation?
"Normal Family" is a raw and emotional memoir about the author's tumultuous upbringing that navigates through the workings of a complicated (and wild) family dynamic that will have you rushing through the pages. Being an empath and a mother made it hard for me to read at times because I felt so bad about everything the author and her sister went through growing up. But that doesn't mean I was able to put the book down or that I wanted to do so. I powered through the ups and downs of this unique story and savored every single page—emotional roller coaster and all. The story (despite being non-fiction) is beautifully written in fiction style, and the powerful messages throughout the pages are like hidden gems that I couldn't help but tab along the way. Every question that arose while reading was answered, and the ending was more satisfactory than expected; it made me cry!
TW: addiction, suicide, neglect, abusive relationships, mental health issues, alcoholism.
July 27, 2022
Thanks to Libro.fm for the ALC. I loved this narrative memoir-- it reads like fiction and Bilton does a beautiful job narrating the audiobook. I didn't want it to end, and I couldn't put it down (I've never experienced that with nonfiction before!). This story is both so heartbreaking and so heartwarming. Bilton's writing style was compulsively readable, without unnecessary flourish yet still painted the entire picture. No gaps in the narrative that left the reader scratching their head. And, as she states in the book, Bilton's mother is one of the world's great characters. Recommended for fans of Malibu Rising, Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine, Educated, and memoirs of those on the outskirts of Hollywood.
July 10, 2022
The quote on the back says "Absolutely riveting from beginning to end" and I completely agree.
This is a memoir about chaos, addiction and two little girls brought up in an unconventional household. Chrysta's father was a sperm donor, and she discovers that she has more than 35 siblings.
It's her astonishing childhood which really gripped me from the beginning. Her mother is unlike anyone I have ever come across or read about. She even asked Warren Beatty to father her children! In the first couple of chapters I struggled to keep up with events but realised this is intentional. It gave me a glimpse into the lives of Chrysta and Kaitlin as children, their mother pulling the carpet from under them on numerous occasions, all in a bid to stay loved, sober, solvent and alive. It's amusing, shocking and heartfelt. It could have all ended badly, and nearly did on several occasions. It's my book of the year so far and is a truly wonderful read.
This is a memoir about chaos, addiction and two little girls brought up in an unconventional household. Chrysta's father was a sperm donor, and she discovers that she has more than 35 siblings.
It's her astonishing childhood which really gripped me from the beginning. Her mother is unlike anyone I have ever come across or read about. She even asked Warren Beatty to father her children! In the first couple of chapters I struggled to keep up with events but realised this is intentional. It gave me a glimpse into the lives of Chrysta and Kaitlin as children, their mother pulling the carpet from under them on numerous occasions, all in a bid to stay loved, sober, solvent and alive. It's amusing, shocking and heartfelt. It could have all ended badly, and nearly did on several occasions. It's my book of the year so far and is a truly wonderful read.
June 30, 2022
Normal Family by Chrysta Bilton is the best memoir I've read in a long time. It was an absolute page turner. At times, many times, humorous, heartbreaking and most of all felt very honest and authentic. I finished the book wanting very much to give Chrysta a hug and go have coffee with her. Chrysta shares stories about her childhood, family life and growing up to learn that her father was one of, if not, the most used sperm donor's in CA. Resulting in learning about dozens of half siblings. Chrysta's story is captivating and everyone should read this book! Highly recommend.
July 26, 2022
This book is wild. It is mostly about Bilton’s childhood growing up with an eccentric Lesbian single Mom in the 1990s and trying to create a family with a sperm donor who is a beautiful schizophrenic man. It is the evolution of LGBT parenthood becoming mainstream, drugs, famous people cameos, Hollywood, and exotic animals. A page turner. The audio is a little flat with the author so I would recommend the traditional book. It will definitely become some type of Movie or mini-series.
November 1, 2022
Spooktober was a flop for me. I had enthusiastically ordered about 20 “spooky” books to read in October ~ and pretty much every one of them was a dog.
Today is November 1st and I picked up this book, not expecting too much. Well, for once in a little over 30 days, I was pleasantly surprised. This book is probably, technically a 4.5 ~ but I rounded it up to five because:
* a great story
* memoir with a likable voice
* pacing was great
Today is November 1st and I picked up this book, not expecting too much. Well, for once in a little over 30 days, I was pleasantly surprised. This book is probably, technically a 4.5 ~ but I rounded it up to five because:
* a great story
* memoir with a likable voice
* pacing was great
July 21, 2022
Fascinating read... It's incredible this is a real life story. It makes you consider who family is and what a relationship with a parent is.
July 31, 2022
Five big, big stars to the best book I've read this summer. I don't know how Chrysta Bilton pulled off that magical feeling of meeting someone for the first time and having them download their entire family trauma onto you in the best way possible. When someone does that to you in real life, they're still saying, in a way, "I'm still here, I'm still human, this is all a work in progress." It's exciting, fresh, juicy, somewhat indulgent, and yet doesn't ask for pity, remorse, or any other philosophizing. Not sure if I'm describing it accurately, but I vibed with the tone here. Light, easy to read, complicated, unrestrained, and filled with compassion.
It definitely has "The Glass Castle" vibes which I rated three stars. I felt that "The Glass Castle" was too neatly packaged. "Normal Family" probably won't win any awards for the turns of phrases or elegant writing, but it felt more natural to me. The theme of the book is consistent all the way through and even in the title: "What does it mean to have a normal family?"
I'm rushing this review because I have to be somewhere soon but essentially, I have a good feeling this book will change my life the way "American Baby" did for me last year. I can't wait to discover how.
My only "complaint" is that about 90% of this book is about her childhood, not the reunion in the prologue - I thought more would it about meeting the siblings. I'm not upset though, I realize I prefer it that way.
If you read it, let me know what you think! Yep, I recommend this one.
It definitely has "The Glass Castle" vibes which I rated three stars. I felt that "The Glass Castle" was too neatly packaged. "Normal Family" probably won't win any awards for the turns of phrases or elegant writing, but it felt more natural to me. The theme of the book is consistent all the way through and even in the title: "What does it mean to have a normal family?"
I'm rushing this review because I have to be somewhere soon but essentially, I have a good feeling this book will change my life the way "American Baby" did for me last year. I can't wait to discover how.
My only "complaint" is that about 90% of this book is about her childhood, not the reunion in the prologue - I thought more would it about meeting the siblings. I'm not upset though, I realize I prefer it that way.
If you read it, let me know what you think! Yep, I recommend this one.
June 27, 2022
Normal Family is a beautifully written memoir by Chrysta Bilton, who has finally come to terms with the unconventional and sometimes chaotic upbringing that she experienced. Born to a lesbian mother who convinced a man to give him her sperm so that she could have children. This man then went on to donate sperm hundreds more times in an effort to obtain some cash flow. The novel follows Chyrsta's life through so many trials and tribulations, including her mothers alcoholism and drug addiction which caused her childhood to be littered with seemingly toxic situations. While Chrysta's father came in and out of her life intermittently, she found a new family in finding the half siblings she had no idea that she even had from the sperm donations that her father provided likely in an effort to keep himself afloat financially.
Bilton is a fantastic writer, and as a reader I felt like I learned so much about how her upbringing influenced the person she is today. I truly was astounded at all the hurdles her mother faced and sometimes did not successfully jump over, but finally at the end her family came out on top. What a triumphant story, I'm glad to have gotten the opportunity to read this novel.
I received a review copy from Little, Brown and Company via NetGalley and I voluntarily provided an honest review. This does not affect the opinion of the book or the content of the review.
Bilton is a fantastic writer, and as a reader I felt like I learned so much about how her upbringing influenced the person she is today. I truly was astounded at all the hurdles her mother faced and sometimes did not successfully jump over, but finally at the end her family came out on top. What a triumphant story, I'm glad to have gotten the opportunity to read this novel.
I received a review copy from Little, Brown and Company via NetGalley and I voluntarily provided an honest review. This does not affect the opinion of the book or the content of the review.
August 11, 2022
A WILD story but I didn't resonate with the writing style. A glossy account of an interesting life, didn't do much more than scratch the surface. I might just have memoir burn out, I used to love them but lately many are coming across as self-indulgent -- in the vein of *Where is all this money coming from? There are no consequences for our actions! I am surrounded by addiction and personality disorders, so I think I'll go to a prestigious college then abroad to pursue a creative life. Then things will fall nicely into place (thanks privilege!) and I'll have a beautiful family in spite of it all. Whew! Acknowledgements: thanks to all my personal connections in and around publishing for making this book happen*
Not to disparage any person's life experience, you can have a valid, authentic, complex existence but maybe not everyone needs to write a memoir. . .
I didn't hate this book, I read it in one day, but I was mostly interested in learning more about the ancillary people. It will be interesting to revisit this review in a few years, to see how much the current state of politics and culture are affecting how I feel about things like privilege, poverty, addiction, and mental health.
It isn't enough for me to be just a memoir voyeur, I need some substance and style.
This review is filled with terrible punctuation and sentence structure, and that is one of the many, many reasons I will not be writing a memoir.
Not to disparage any person's life experience, you can have a valid, authentic, complex existence but maybe not everyone needs to write a memoir. . .
I didn't hate this book, I read it in one day, but I was mostly interested in learning more about the ancillary people. It will be interesting to revisit this review in a few years, to see how much the current state of politics and culture are affecting how I feel about things like privilege, poverty, addiction, and mental health.
It isn't enough for me to be just a memoir voyeur, I need some substance and style.
This review is filled with terrible punctuation and sentence structure, and that is one of the many, many reasons I will not be writing a memoir.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 10, 2022
I seriously sped through this in a span of 16 hours (and that included sleep!) because I was so engrossed by Chrysta and her story that I could not put it down. It felt like one of those low budgeted Lifetime movies I used to watch all the time back in the day, when the twists and turns kept coming and I had to see what happened next. I can totally see why this made the bestseller lists and why Chrysta did so many interviews leading up to the publication date (that's how this book showed up on my radar). It seems like she and her family are in a much better place now, though I'd be interested in hearing what her sister Kaitlyn thinks about her writing a book about their childhood and all these new siblings considering Kaitlyn wanted nothing to do with this part of the family tree.
It made me think (once again), how sperm and egg donations are not regulated in the United States like it is in other countries and how many other families like this have multiple siblings that they know nothing about and could be dating/married to their half siblings without knowing it. Crazy.
It made me think (once again), how sperm and egg donations are not regulated in the United States like it is in other countries and how many other families like this have multiple siblings that they know nothing about and could be dating/married to their half siblings without knowing it. Crazy.
July 28, 2022
Couldn't put down.
I was hooked after the first page by thus strange and marvelous story. Very well written. Truth is way better than fiction. I hope Chrysta keeps writing about real people. And we get to find out how her father got along in India.
I was hooked after the first page by thus strange and marvelous story. Very well written. Truth is way better than fiction. I hope Chrysta keeps writing about real people. And we get to find out how her father got along in India.
August 8, 2022
It’s an incredible story and yet—part of what makes it so incredible is not merely the facts of what happened, but the process by which the author Chrysta Bilton comes to terms with it all. We all have something to learn about ourselves and about family from her.
September 4, 2022
This memoir is a 'dysfunctional family drama' like no other. What a wild, riveting story!
August 4, 2022
Hooked from the first page. Poignant, funny, riveting, honest. Bilton is a wonderful and engaging writer. Truth is truly stranger than fiction.
July 28, 2022
A Normal Family, by Chrysta Bilton, is a breath-taking memoir that grabs hold of you right from the start. In the prologue, Chrysta brings together her dozens of known half-siblings for the first time, to the apprehension of her mother Debra and sister Kaitlyn.
From there, the book takes us on the journey that brought them to this point: Debra’s desire to have children at a time when there were very few fertility options for lesbians; her choice of handsome drop-out Jeffrey to father Chrysta and Kaitlyn, with the assistance of a fertility centre; Jeffrey’s continuing to donate sperm in secret for money; the family’s yo-yoing fortunes as Debra alternated between wealth and poverty, being single and coupled, and addiction and recovery; and the discovery of so many hitherto unsuspected relatives.
A Normal Family is absolutely captivating. With all the upheaval and abrupt changes in Chrysta’s childhood, it could have made for a depressing misery memoir, but she writes with such sparkle and wry humour that it’s as entertaining and enjoyable as it can be.
As a reader, you’re aware that some of the scenes, particularly in the early stages of the book, are fictionalised by necessity as they occurred before Chrysta was even conceived, or was very young or not present. However, they’re just as vivid and believable as those she recounts from memory. This is a testament to both her skill as a writer and someone who can get into the heads of other people, even her own mother and father, with whom she has more baggage than the average person does with their parents.
In fact, if A Normal Family can be described as having a “main character”, it’s Chrysta’s irrepressible, larger-than-life mother, the prime mover behind the girls’ chaotic childhood. Chrysta is incredibly honest - without coming across as judgmental - about Debra’s disastrous and short-lived relationships, repeated attraction to pyramid schemes, expensive tastes, and alcohol and cocaine addictions.
But Chrysta’s even-handed, also recognising her mum’s unique character, boundless optimism, generosity, and determination to do her best by her daughters, as well as the shocking discrimination she faced as an out lesbian in the 80s and 90s - it’s always a jolt to the system to be reminded that it really wasn’t that long ago that such attitudes were commonplace - and Debra’s own childhood trauma.
Chrysta effectively conveys the nature and manifestation of childhood trauma across all members of her family. As well as explaining its effects on Debra’s personality and behaviour, she describes how she and Kaitlyn both developed eating disorders in their teens as a method of control, found themselves in bad relationships with the wrong type of people, and internalised shame from having a home life that differed to those of their peers.
Their father, too, is shown to struggle with trauma and other mental illnesses. While Jeffrey is often conspicuous by his physical absence, his impact on Chrysta and Kaitlyn’s lives means we never lose sight of him. I was very moved by his story as he transformed from a golden boy worthy of a Playgirl spread and in high demand as a sperm donor, into a conspiracy enthusiast who’s lost most of his teeth and lives in a minivan bought for him by Debra, but retains his love for animals.
In case I haven’t made it obvious enough previously, nature versus nurture is a particular fascination of mine, so when Chrysta started making connections with her half-siblings, I was agog. While she does remark on the things she has in common with them - a couple of which are downright freaky - she considers alternative explanations for these, such as their shared demographic, and that they don’t seek out their differences, which could also be numerous and significant, putting me in mind of Three Identical Strangers.
Relationships and differences between siblings is another thing I’m really into, so it was also interesting to see how Chrysta saw her lifelong relationship with Kaitlyn in contrast to her new relationships with her 30+ half-siblings. Ultimately, Chrysta and Kaitlyn were bonded in an irreplicable way as a result of their shared childhood and traumas, and having had to rely on one another.
At the same time, the pair didn’t grow up in completely the same circumstances. For example, one of Debra’s girlfriends, “Mommy Fay” was part of Kaitlyn’s life virtually from birth, so Kaitlyn was much more distressed when Debra and Fay split up. For Chrysta, though, Fay was an addition to a chain of people who had just disappeared from their lives one day, so it was something she was used to - but nonetheless had long-term psychological effects. Their several house moves also affected them differently, depending whether or not they were at natural transition points or crucial stages in their schooling.
A Normal Family is an extraordinary account of growing up in a dysfunctional family, and the far-reaching effects of prejudice and trauma.
From there, the book takes us on the journey that brought them to this point: Debra’s desire to have children at a time when there were very few fertility options for lesbians; her choice of handsome drop-out Jeffrey to father Chrysta and Kaitlyn, with the assistance of a fertility centre; Jeffrey’s continuing to donate sperm in secret for money; the family’s yo-yoing fortunes as Debra alternated between wealth and poverty, being single and coupled, and addiction and recovery; and the discovery of so many hitherto unsuspected relatives.
A Normal Family is absolutely captivating. With all the upheaval and abrupt changes in Chrysta’s childhood, it could have made for a depressing misery memoir, but she writes with such sparkle and wry humour that it’s as entertaining and enjoyable as it can be.
As a reader, you’re aware that some of the scenes, particularly in the early stages of the book, are fictionalised by necessity as they occurred before Chrysta was even conceived, or was very young or not present. However, they’re just as vivid and believable as those she recounts from memory. This is a testament to both her skill as a writer and someone who can get into the heads of other people, even her own mother and father, with whom she has more baggage than the average person does with their parents.
In fact, if A Normal Family can be described as having a “main character”, it’s Chrysta’s irrepressible, larger-than-life mother, the prime mover behind the girls’ chaotic childhood. Chrysta is incredibly honest - without coming across as judgmental - about Debra’s disastrous and short-lived relationships, repeated attraction to pyramid schemes, expensive tastes, and alcohol and cocaine addictions.
But Chrysta’s even-handed, also recognising her mum’s unique character, boundless optimism, generosity, and determination to do her best by her daughters, as well as the shocking discrimination she faced as an out lesbian in the 80s and 90s - it’s always a jolt to the system to be reminded that it really wasn’t that long ago that such attitudes were commonplace - and Debra’s own childhood trauma.
Chrysta effectively conveys the nature and manifestation of childhood trauma across all members of her family. As well as explaining its effects on Debra’s personality and behaviour, she describes how she and Kaitlyn both developed eating disorders in their teens as a method of control, found themselves in bad relationships with the wrong type of people, and internalised shame from having a home life that differed to those of their peers.
Their father, too, is shown to struggle with trauma and other mental illnesses. While Jeffrey is often conspicuous by his physical absence, his impact on Chrysta and Kaitlyn’s lives means we never lose sight of him. I was very moved by his story as he transformed from a golden boy worthy of a Playgirl spread and in high demand as a sperm donor, into a conspiracy enthusiast who’s lost most of his teeth and lives in a minivan bought for him by Debra, but retains his love for animals.
In case I haven’t made it obvious enough previously, nature versus nurture is a particular fascination of mine, so when Chrysta started making connections with her half-siblings, I was agog. While she does remark on the things she has in common with them - a couple of which are downright freaky - she considers alternative explanations for these, such as their shared demographic, and that they don’t seek out their differences, which could also be numerous and significant, putting me in mind of Three Identical Strangers.
Relationships and differences between siblings is another thing I’m really into, so it was also interesting to see how Chrysta saw her lifelong relationship with Kaitlyn in contrast to her new relationships with her 30+ half-siblings. Ultimately, Chrysta and Kaitlyn were bonded in an irreplicable way as a result of their shared childhood and traumas, and having had to rely on one another.
At the same time, the pair didn’t grow up in completely the same circumstances. For example, one of Debra’s girlfriends, “Mommy Fay” was part of Kaitlyn’s life virtually from birth, so Kaitlyn was much more distressed when Debra and Fay split up. For Chrysta, though, Fay was an addition to a chain of people who had just disappeared from their lives one day, so it was something she was used to - but nonetheless had long-term psychological effects. Their several house moves also affected them differently, depending whether or not they were at natural transition points or crucial stages in their schooling.
A Normal Family is an extraordinary account of growing up in a dysfunctional family, and the far-reaching effects of prejudice and trauma.
July 20, 2022
[AD-PR] Thank you for my spot on the Random Things Blog Tour! I was gifted this book in exchange for an honest review!
Chyrsta takes you on her very personal journey, one that is heart wrenching but also incredibly moving! It focuses on the unconvential and chaotic upbringing her and her sibling faced from early childhood until their adult life when it was discovered that their father was 'Donor 150' - California cryobank's best selling donor. In turn meaning Chrysta and her sister could have dozens, even hundreds of biological half-siblings.
In ways it's not only chyrsta's memoir but also that of her mother and the battles she faced! Debra for sure had demons of her own but the love she had for her children was always there even throughout all the chaos and hardship!
It's a story filled with heavy subject matters! It focuses on love, loss, betrayal, addiction and mental health. Chrysta writes about these with such compassion for those involved in her story!
This is the first time I have read a memoir like this! It reads like a fiction novel which is an aspect I enjoyed and found different to anything I've read previously. I found the similarities in personalities and interests the siblings all had dispite their different upbringings fascinating!
It's a story that will definitely stick with you with its wild and unexpected turns!
Chyrsta takes you on her very personal journey, one that is heart wrenching but also incredibly moving! It focuses on the unconvential and chaotic upbringing her and her sibling faced from early childhood until their adult life when it was discovered that their father was 'Donor 150' - California cryobank's best selling donor. In turn meaning Chrysta and her sister could have dozens, even hundreds of biological half-siblings.
In ways it's not only chyrsta's memoir but also that of her mother and the battles she faced! Debra for sure had demons of her own but the love she had for her children was always there even throughout all the chaos and hardship!
It's a story filled with heavy subject matters! It focuses on love, loss, betrayal, addiction and mental health. Chrysta writes about these with such compassion for those involved in her story!
This is the first time I have read a memoir like this! It reads like a fiction novel which is an aspect I enjoyed and found different to anything I've read previously. I found the similarities in personalities and interests the siblings all had dispite their different upbringings fascinating!
It's a story that will definitely stick with you with its wild and unexpected turns!
July 19, 2022
A Normal Family is an extraordinary book that details Chrysta Bilton’s life growing up in Los Angeles with her family, which usually consisted of her Mum Debra, sister Kaitlyn and Dad Jeffrey who her Mum met in a hair dressers and persuaded him to donate sperm.
For the early part of her childhood, Jeffrey was in and out of Chrysta’s life and sometimes her Mum would live with other girlfriends. There situation changed frequently, from huge mansions with swimming pools to a one bedroom annex on the wrong side of town when things got hard.
What changed was when Chrsyta discovered that her Dad had secretly donated sperm over 500 times and have fathered at least 35 more children. This meant that Chrsyta suddenly found out, in her twenties, that she had over 35 siblings.
A Normal Family is gripping and addictive to read. There are some very funny moments and some quite shocking experiences too.
This is an amazing book and Chrsyta Bilton is such a talented writer. I was completely gripped by her story and the description of her mother’s life style as she moved them from grand house to tiny flat. I sat down on an evening to read a couple of chapters and read late into the night, as I didn’t want to put this down.
For the early part of her childhood, Jeffrey was in and out of Chrysta’s life and sometimes her Mum would live with other girlfriends. There situation changed frequently, from huge mansions with swimming pools to a one bedroom annex on the wrong side of town when things got hard.
What changed was when Chrsyta discovered that her Dad had secretly donated sperm over 500 times and have fathered at least 35 more children. This meant that Chrsyta suddenly found out, in her twenties, that she had over 35 siblings.
A Normal Family is gripping and addictive to read. There are some very funny moments and some quite shocking experiences too.
This is an amazing book and Chrsyta Bilton is such a talented writer. I was completely gripped by her story and the description of her mother’s life style as she moved them from grand house to tiny flat. I sat down on an evening to read a couple of chapters and read late into the night, as I didn’t want to put this down.
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