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244 pages, Paperback
First published February 14, 2006
"I have several," he said, laying his fork across his empty plate and picking up his water glass. "Some are more pressing than others, at the moment. Tonight I require the use of your body-mine to pose, to tie, to manipulate. I need to control your reactions, which means that all you really need to do is feel and be honest. If I want you to scream, it's up to me to make it happen. That's what I hunger for. I want your submission and your honesty."
Noah nodded. "Thank you, sir,"
"I'm open to whatever you need," Noah answered. "At home, at the club, or out."
"Are you sure?" Tobias said softly. "If I were to tell you that every Friday I will send a car for you and you will leave the city, would you do that? If I asked you to kiss my feet and lick my cock, like Phan did, would you do that? If I needed it, like breath?"
"If you needed it like breath?" Noah looked into his eyes again. "Of course. That is my responsibility to you as your sub-to see your needs are met, to put your needs before mine. I'll admit I'm not thrilled about the idea of licking your boots, but if you asked it of me? If I knew you needed it? Yes.
Yes, I would."
"Noah?" Tobias asked softly, making his voice as much of a caress as he could.
"How may I please you, sir?" Noah responded in a similarly soothing tone.
"What does submission mean to you?" Tobias asked, rejecting the pat answers. They were what he expected but not what he wanted; the truth wouldn't be found on the surface, and he suspected it would take weeks to get where he needed to be.
"What does it mean to me," Noah repeated, and then considered his answer silently for a moment. "It means that I give over control to you and in return I hope to be rewarded with a kind of freedom I couldn't experience otherwise. I hope to find joy in pleasing you. I hope to leave mundane worries to you so they don't weigh me down." He sighed, apparently searching for words. "It's not just me on my knees to you, it's a partnership where we both get our needs fulfilled.
"Tell me what you picture in your head as perfect submission. What is the ultimate goal for you personally?"
"I think it's different for different people. But for me,"
Noah sighed, now completely relaxed again, "I crave a relationship that feels natural, as natural as breathing, where I don't worry about trust because there is no reason not to trust." Noah spoke slowly and deliberately. "I'd like to get to know my Dom on a different level too, a more personal one, so that knowing what my Dom needs becomes intuitive. The kind of partnership that has infinite room for growth, you know? I think that's the ideal. I have no idea if it's even possible."
Tobias smiled to himself. "And you're prepared to work toward that?"
"I want to." Noah nodded.
"Wonderful."
"I’ll always speak to you if you need it. I’ll always speak the truth. When I’m silent it’s for you to learn from, not a punishment."
“You know,” Tobias said easily, “I firmly believe that regular discipline lessens the need for punishment.” Another snap and the two lines were neatly connected. “But then, punishment is often a rewarding experience. What do you think?”
Noah hunched his shoulders and then flexed them. He puffed out air with a rough sound and cleared his throat. “Punishment is about learning from mistakes, discipline is about learning not to make them,” he said quickly. It was obviously a phrase he’d studied carefully at some point. He took two quick breaths, held them a moment, and when he exhaled he relaxed somewhat.
“I’ll accept the first, not the second.” Tobias laid a fourth stroke on Noah’s back and stepped close, pressing one finger into him and slowly thrusting back and forth. Noah groaned. “Oh, God.” His head dropped forward.
“Mistakes are allowed, made up for, and forgiven. Discipline lets you know yourself, lets you gain strength.”