Marriage Humor Quotes

“The decision to get married will impact one's life more deeply than almost any decision in life. Yet people continue to rush into marriage with little or no preparation for making a marriage successful. In fact, many couples give far more attention to making plans for the wedding than making plans for marriage. The wedding festivities last only a few hours, while the marriage, we hope, will last for a lifetime”
― Gary Chapman, Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married

“The boring thing with 'No sex before marriage' is that kids will never get to attend their parents’ wedding.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana, The Confessions of a Misfit

“Chorus of old men: How true the saying: 'Tis impossible to live with the baggages, impossible to live without 'em.”
― Aristophanes, Lysistrata

“Sarah, in the crush, was able to study Miss Lucas's face discreetly, she wondered what it was like to know that you were to be married, that you would have a home, an income, that you were set up for life. To have achieved all this simply by agreeing to put up with one particular man until he died.”
― Jo Baker, Longbourn

“أفضل كثيرا جدا أن يسخر منك الناس لأنك لم تتزوج على ان يسخروا منك لأنك تزوجت !”
― أنيس منصور, غلطة عمري

“At some point you do not need to talk to have a conversation. The conversation exists whether you have it or not. It continues silently in a parallel dimension of the marriage. They both pause to let it run its course toward another stalemate.”
― Chris Bachelder, Abbott Awaits

“إذا كنت بليدا لدرجة أنك لا تستطيع أن تفكر لنفسك فتزوج”
― أنيس منصور, غلطة عمري

“الفتاة تحب أن تتزوج رجلا يشبه والدها و هذا هو سر بكاء الأم في ليلة زفاف إبنتها !”
― أنيس منصور, غلطة عمري

“Comparing marriage to football is no insult. I come from the South where football is sacred. I would never belittle marriage by saying it is like soccer, bowling, or playing bridge, never. Those images would never work, only football is passionate enough to be compared to marriage. In other sports, players walk onto the field, in football they run onto the field, in high school ripping through some paper, in college (for those who are fortunate enough) they touch the rock and run down the hill onto the field in the middle of the band. In other sports, fans cheer, in football they scream. In other sports, players ‘high five’, in football they chest, smash shoulder pads, and pat your rear. Football is a passionate sport, and marriage is about passion.
In football, two teams send players onto the field to determine which athletes will win and which will lose, in marriage two families send their representatives forward to see which family will survive and which family will be lost into oblivion with their traditions, patterns, and values lost and forgotten.
Preparing for this struggle for survival, the bride and groom are each set up. Each has been led to believe that their family’s patterns are all ‘normal,’ and anyone who differs is dense, naïve, or stupid because, no matter what the issue, the way their family has always done it is the ‘right’ way. For the premarital bride and groom in their twenties, as soon as they say, “I do,” these ‘right’ ways of doing things are about to collide like two three hundred and fifty pound linemen at the hiking of the ball. From “I do” forward, if not before, every decision, every action, every goal will be like the line of scrimmage.
Where will the family patterns collide?
In the kitchen. Here the new couple will be faced with the difficult decision of “Where do the cereal bowls go?” Likely, one family’s is high, and the others is low. Where will they go now?
In the bathroom. The bathroom is a battleground unmatched in the potential conflicts. Will the toilet paper roll over the top or underneath? Will the acceptable residing position for the lid be up or down? And, of course, what about the toothpaste? Squeeze it from the middle or the end?
But the skirmishes don’t stop in the rooms of the house, they are not only locational they are seasonal. The classic battles come home for the holidays.
Thanksgiving. Which family will they spend the noon meal with and which family, if close enough, will have to wait until the nighttime meal, or just dessert if at all?
Christmas. Whose home will they visit first, if at all? How much money will they spend on gifts for his family? for hers?
Then comes for many couples an even bigger challenge – children of their own!
At the wedding, many couples take two candles and light just one often extinguishing their candle as a sign of devotion. The image is Biblical. The Bible is quoted a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one. What few prepare them for is the upcoming struggle, the conflict over the unanswered question: the two shall become one, but which one? Two families, two patterns, two ways of doing things, which family’s patterns will survive to play another day, in another generation, and which will be lost forever? Let the games begin.”
― David W. Jones, The Enlightenment of Jesus: Practical Steps to Life Awake

“يقال إنه سوف يتزوج !
يستاهل إنني أكرهه !”
― أنيس منصور, اثنين .. اثنين

“Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents any more.”
― Thabang Gideon Magaola

“Me agarro el estómago de nuevo. —Me siento vacío... Me siento...muerto.

Él asiente. —Matri...monio.”
― Isaac Marion, Warm Bodies

“Courting is an activity where a man and a woman flaunt their virtues. Dating is an activity where life exposes the other’s vices.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“العقل هو الذي يطلبه الرجل في المرأة لأنه لم يستخدمه عند إختيارها”
― أنيس منصور, غلطة عمري

“الأم تقول لإبنها : أتمنى أن يكون حظك مثل حظ أبيك لتجد عروسة مثلي.. و تقول لإبنتها : أتمنى ألا يكون حظك مثل حظي فيكون عريسك مثل أبيك !”
― أنيس منصور, غلطة عمري

“Van Gogh on his brother's upcoming marriage: "It’s because he’s in Holland, where he’s getting married one of these days. Now, while not denying the advantages of a marriage in the very least, once it has been done and one is quietly set up in one’s home, the funereal pomp of the reception &c., the lamentable congratulations of two families (even civilized) at the same time, not to mention the fortuitous appearances in those pharmacist’s jars where antediluvian civil or religious magistrates sit – my word – isn’t there good reason to pity the poor unfortunate obliged to present himself armed with the requisite papers in the places where, with a ferocity unequalled by the cruellest cannibals, you’re married alive on the low heat of the aforementioned funereal receptions.”
― Liesbeth Heenk, The 1-Hour Van Gogh Book

“الإنسان له ساقان إذا مشى ، أربع إذا تزوج !”
― أنيس منصور, غلطة عمري

“She has carefully audited her life and found she has no requirement for a husband.”
― Helen Smith, Alison Wonderland