Grammar Humor Quotes

“No," I replied testily. "I'm pretty sure 'digital' is Latin for 'fingeral,' so finger cancer equals digital cancer. This is all basic anatomy, Dr. Roland." The Dr. Roland told me that he thought I was overreacting, and the "fingeral" wasn't even a real word. Then I told him that I though he was underreacting, probably because he's embarrassed that he doesn't know how Latin works. Then he claimed that "underrecating" isn't a word either. The man has a terrible bedside manner.”
― Jenny Lawson, Let's Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir

“#Twitter: proudly promoting ghastly grammar and silly misspelling since 2006.”
― E.A. Bucchianeri

“Although I don't use it nearly so much anymore, I've decided, five years down the line, that Mr. Treadstone's verdict on 'kind of' was kind of unjust. Obviously, this phrase can be redundant or reductive, or just plain stupid in some sentences, but not in all sentences. I wouldn't, for example, use a sentence like 'Antarctica is kind of cold', or 'Hitler was kind of evil'. But sometimes, things aren't black and white. And sometimes 'kind of' expresses this better than any other phrase. For example, when I tell you that my mother was kind of peculiar, I can think of no better way of putting this.”
― Gavin Extence, The Universe Versus Alex Woods

“The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.”
― Lex Martin, Dearest Clementine

“I decided quickly that committing crimes against grammar was a hard limit for me.”
― Sophie Morgan, Diary of a Submissive: A Modern True Tale of Sexual Awakening

“Those spineless types who talk about abolishing the apostrophe are missing the point.”
― Lynne Truss, Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation

“When taking Spock to see the spores, Leila comments, "It's not much further." having been beaten about the head severely on the difference between "further" and "farther," I believe I can say with some trembling confidence that she should say, "it's not much farther." "Further" means "to a greater extent or degree" whereas "farther" means "to a greater distance." (I know this is really picky, but hey, that's my business.)”
― Phil Farrand, The Nitpicker's Guide for Classic Trekkers

“When spreading vicious and damaging gossip about the private affairs of others, one must always use proper grammar and posture.”
― Scott Rhine

“The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.”
― Martin Lex

“If your a fly, fly away”
― Connor Smith

“And that was when I said 'Henry, the placement of the comma depends on whether 'I ate grandmother' or 'I ate, grandmother'.”
― Mia Castile, Something More

“Those who can, do; those who can't, teach; those who can't teach, police grammar on the Internet.”
― Ruadhán J. McElroy

“Despite centuries of English literature, the most famous split infinitive in all of history comes from Star Trek.”
― R. Curtis Venture

“Cordelia glared at me. 'I expect if someone strapped you to table an swung an axe over your naked quivering flesh like The Pit and the Pendulum, you'd be correcting his grammar'.”
― Victoria Clayton, Clouds Among the Stars

“I sutured split infinitives and hoisted dangling modifiers and wore out the seam of my best flannel skirt.”
― Amor Towles