"i feel fine," she says, while feeling most certainly very much not fine in the slightest
“tennal—unpredictable and razor-edged, crackling like the
"i feel fine," she says, while feeling most certainly very much not fine in the slightest
“tennal—unpredictable and razor-edged, crackling like the end of a live wire. surit worked in a universe of fixed possibilities. tennal was a chaos event. surit was drawn to it like a gravity wall.”
due to dodgy experimentations, planet orshan is home to readers, who can read minds & navigate chaotic space; & architects, who can control minds. readers who are considered threats are dealt with by syncing them with an architect. tennalhin halkana —a politician’s absolute disaster of a nephew— is a reader who gets conscripted into the military & forced to sync with surit yeni, a duty-bound soldier with a complicated past. surit realises that tennal did not consent to the sync and refuses go through with illegal orders. instead, they fake a sync bond.
for context: please imagine me frothing at the mouth & gnawing on my arm for this is my ocean’s echo-induced state of mind
i fully credit winters orbit for turning me into a sci-fi reader. sure before that i’d taken baby steps into the genre but never made it a huge priority, but then i met kiem & jainan & everything got turned upside down. & now? a whole year later? oceans echo was one of my most anticipated reads.
and i fell in love with it.
so where do i start?
do i start about how this is not winters orbit, but it very much holds its own. ocean’s echo is everina’s sophomore novel & it hit me just as hard. this is also set in iskat & there’s no place like home, no place like iskat. there’s so much comfort in returning to a world that i used to not understand but slowly committed to learning out of sheer love.
maybe i'll start with how electric tennal & surit are. oh the mortifying ordeal of being known!! & loved in spite of it! what i love most about everina’s characters is how strong they are apart & together. you witness them slowly fall in love with each other’s true selves & its the most beautiful thing. how could i have not fallen in love? to have them wedge themselves in my heart forever.
or perhaps i should start with how i love a ragtag crew. i love the chaos that comes with a crew that is snarky & scrappy, who go against the odds just by sheer will. who cannot & will not be kept down.
i don’t know where to start but I know where this ends.
this ends with oceans echo sitting on the faves shelf. this ends with me sending my best friend over 50+ voice messages because i simply could not pause reading to send a text (some voice messages were just us yelling its Fine). it ends with a love so great that honestly? i’m still a little afraid to say this out loud but perhaps it parallels winters orbit in my heart.
✼ thank you to macmillan for sending me an arc of ocean's echo in exchange for an honest review
___
oh my god EVERINA MAXWELL CAN HAVE MY SOUL LET'S FUCKIN GO...more
☼ thank you to netgalley and carina press for an arc of season's change in exchange for an honest review.
my favorite types of books are those that you☼ thank you to netgalley and carina press for an arc of season's change in exchange for an honest review.
my favorite types of books are those that you go in thinking "oh is going to be a fun read" and then by the end it absolutely knocks it out of the park and you go "oh, i don't just like this, i love it. this is everything."
season's change is one of those books, chock full of surprises.
i went in knowing this was a sports romance, but how was i supposed to know that there would be miles and miles of yearning? a slow burn in every sense. a slow burn friendship, a slow burn romance - each so lovingly crafted that it hurt me and made me want to pull my hair out. a slow burn that eventually grew into a full on blaze, so worth it every step of the way.
how was i supposed to know that a sports romance would have some of the best mental health rep I've ever seen? with some of the best and more accurate portrayals of therapy and how helpful and important it is. olly and benji's story really drives home the point that love doesn't magically fix things, but that unwavering support and understanding makes a person feel seen, heard, and valid which is so much more powerful. through the course of the story, olly (a new fave character! ready to protect him with my life!) works through so much trauma and its written in such a wonderfully human way - flawed, but trying.
season's change was a delight and a shocker, and i say this very affectionately. i'll be thinking of this one for a long time....more
"we're all just kids, jumping into the deep together, hoping we can swim. it's not so bad when you don't have to jump alone."
✼ a huge thank you to
"we're all just kids, jumping into the deep together, hoping we can swim. it's not so bad when you don't have to jump alone."
✼ a huge thank you to the author for sending me a copy of this book!
changing majors is a delightful debut by ana hartnett reichardt! i went in expecting a sapphic romance but left with so much more. beyond the romance (that was so sweet and well done), this is a story about figuring out who you are, and that its never too late to do so. its about learning to accept and love yourself, and to accept that love from others around you too. bailey doesn't always make the right choices but she learns from her mistakes and that was one of my favorite things about this book - seeing people and relationships being portrayed with such accurate and beautiful care.
this is a book that many people will relate to and it will strike a chord in your chest. a fantastic na coming-of-age story, and ana hartnett reichardt is definitely an author to keep an eye on.
please note that this story deals rather heavily with religion and sexuality, so read with caution....more
if you need me i'll be here feeling vaguely feral until the next book drops
☼ thank you to the publisher for sending me an arc of the alpha's son in exif you need me i'll be here feeling vaguely feral until the next book drops
☼ thank you to the publisher for sending me an arc of the alpha's son in exchange for an honest review.
pitched as young royals meets teen wolf meets twilight (hello hyperfixations!), max couldn’t care less about finding his mate. so attending the blue moon festival, a rite of passage where wolves go to find their mate, is his kind of his personal hell. that is, until he bumps into the alpha’s son - jasper - who he finds himself inextricably linked to.
the alpha’s son is an exploration of choices: choosing between destiny vs. the life you were born into, between turning your back and taking the easier way out, or choosing to stay and fight, even if that involves sacrifices.
although i’ve started gravitating towards na/adult books, there’s always a soft spot in my heart for ya - a place that forever feels like home even as i grow up. i’m reminded of what a good jumping off point ya is for different genres. ya fantasy? ya sci-fi? all bangers!
the alpha’s son feels like quintessential ya (lower ya/upper middle grade, specifically). full of dorky kids who are still fumbling their way through their teens, not having figured things out yet but they are good beans! full of heart! making mistakes & learning as they try to do the right thing!
and then you have kids like jasper who have a lot on their plate, coming off as condescending and aloof. i have a soft spot for him even though this boy makes Questionable decisions - shoutout to penny jessup for literally making me yell at the book. you see the walls they’ve built to protect themselves, and watch them come down as they realise that hurting others hurts themselves.
generally speaking, ya has lower stakes. its relatively easier to consume. so i do enjoy how this made me sit back and reconsider things. it asks you: what are the extents one would go to to change their circumstances. its something i sat with for a long time, and i love that ya books still leave a mark on me....more
THE MOST FUN I'VE HAD IN A LONG TIME HOLY SHIT BOOK 2 WHENST
"you are a loud, impulsive, persistent seeker of justice, and that makes people uncomfo
THE MOST FUN I'VE HAD IN A LONG TIME HOLY SHIT BOOK 2 WHENST
"you are a loud, impulsive, persistent seeker of justice, and that makes people uncomfortable, but it doesn't make you bad. it makes you very good, in fact.”
to replenish the sun’s power & keep the obsidian gods at bay, each decade 10 semidioses are chosen to compete in the sunbearer trials. the winner gets the prestige of travelling through reino del sol to replenish the sun stones. the loser, however, gets the greatest honor— a sacrifice to sol to fuel the sun stones. the children of the mighty gold gods train their whole life for this trial, unlike the children of the jade gods who historically have never been chosen. until now. until teo. what's a semidiós to do except try his hardest to survive?
(no spoilers, just me yelling about how much i loved this book & aiden thomas, so yknow, just regular things!!)
just as i did with cemetery boys & lost in the never woods, i inhaled the entirely of the sunbearer trials in under 12 hours because i have zero chill & immediately added it to the faves shelf.
simply put, i loved this so much. i laughed, cried, gasped over the gorgeous worldbuilding, sent a dozen voice messages hollering. this book was. the most fun i’ve had in a very long time. wowie what a delight.
for those who have read cemetery boys, teo embodies yadriel’s heart & julian's sunshine soul (& head empty vibes only). for those who have not (what are you waiting for!), he’s a scrappy underdog who you can’t help but root for.
its not just teo though. each character—himbos to beefcakes to kids with hearts of gold— is so strongly developed & written that its impossible not to fall in love with them.
the character cards that mmarsloud has drawn for them is an absolute thing of beauty. each so, so gorgeous & intricate with diverse abilities, identities, and appearances. i eagerly followed along as each character card got revealed & honestly? went a little feral whenever they were.
my commitment issues are Strong but i’m calling it right now— prepare to see this on my end of the year countdown. that’s right i said it !!
thank you to macmillan for sending me an arc of the sunbearer trials in exchange for an honest review. the sunbearer trials comes out on 6 sep 2022....more
a dollar for every time alexis hall made me cry during this book
“damn the world. the world told you that you had to live the life it shaped for you
a dollar for every time alexis hall made me cry during this book
“damn the world. the world told you that you had to live the life it shaped for you, & you defied it. the world told me that i had to be as my father was, & i defied it, or am trying to. we can make our own world, with our own rules.”
✼ thank you to forever for sending me an arc of a lady for a duke in exchange for an honest review
hi its me once again raving about an alexis hall book !!
when viola caroll was presumed dead at war, she took the opportunity to finally live as herself, but lost her best friend- the duke of gracewood. when their families reconnect years later, viola learns how deep that loss truly was. plagued by physical & psychological trauma from the war & grieving viola’s death, gracewood has become a ghost. drawn to each other, they rediscover how they fit together after so much change & bring light to a love that had always existed.
it’s hard to talk about a book that leaves you speechless. how often i gasped, how many times i simply sat back & let the intensity & beauty of hall’s words wash over me.
the heart of this book is honest, earnest, & unapologetic. it’s heart is in viola - our fiercely loved trans heroine who makes a choice for herself, allows herself to feel so strongly, to love so truly & deeply, with a voice so empowering & affirming.
it’s heart is in gracewood - our hero with a disability, burdened by duty; now haunted and lost, afraid that his suffering made him ugly. stubbornly determined, relearning how to be the man that he wants to be unbound by gender roles & lineage.
it’s heart is in two people coming together earnestly saying “this is me, love & accept me as i am”. two people who see each other as flawed & trying as they are, who gave each other hope when there was none, a first taste of joy when they barely knew it.
it’s a story of grief, humanity, & friendship; of longing, tenderness, & vulnerability. a story unlike what alexis has written before, but still with the voice that i adore, the wit that i know, the joy that i always feel.
& may i affectionately say — the epilogue Fucked Me Up.
cw: misgendering & deadnaming (references to viola’s past), ptsd, ableist language, suicidal ideation (side character), addiction, on page sexual content...more
i think pulley tricked me into attending a chemistry lesson.
“if i look sad, it’s because this is the happiest i’ve been for years, and you did that
i think pulley tricked me into attending a chemistry lesson.
“if i look sad, it’s because this is the happiest i’ve been for years, and you did that, but you aren’t even one tenth mine and you never will be.”
i- HOWLS
✼ thank you to bloomsbury for sending me an arc of the half life of valery k in exchange for an honest review
natasha pulley has such a solid grip on my stupid mortal being i no longer know what to do with myself. i asked how to sell my soul for an advanced copy of one of my most anticipated reads, and was blessed with one a few days later.
(make what you will of that)
it’s 1963. former nuclear specialist valery kolkhanov gets swept from a frozen prison camp to city 40, a mysterious town hiding a set of nuclear reactors & a forest rusted from within. his task? serve out the rest of his prison term researching the effect of radiation on local fauna. but as he digs deeper, something doesn’t add up - the radiation levels aren’t right and there are secrets taken to the grave.
valery k differs from pulley’s other books, in that there’s no magical realism, no event spanning time or defying physics. just two people caught in the eye of a political storm that could tear them apart, the subterfuge, the trauma. the way it carries itself in iron chains around their necks even as they seek comfort. an intimate tragedy.
and yet, this is unmistakably pulley. what can i say about pulley that i haven’t said before?
how there’s a method to the madness; a formula perfected so finely that it never fails to leave me breathless and reeling. the way she weaves each story like literal magic - take what you know from the history books but make it queer and infuse it with sad, tragic, frayed men. so desperately lonely but with a heart of fire.
how she doesn’t write romance per se, but writes about love. in the past, it’s the relentless waiting, the red thread that spans through time and history, an intimate unspoken understanding, an elbow touch.
here, its kindness in a world so harrowing and bleak, safety in a place that isn’t, the choice of kindness when cruelty is easier, the arms around you when your lungs don’t work, the warm touch that tries to ease away embedded shards under skin. and as always, an inexplicable pull.
how she writes in a way where even the simplest sentences feel like a gut punch? an electric shock. so raw and yet so beautiful. how i want to gnaw on my knuckles while reading them and how she leaves me aching for a place that i don’t even know.
how its only april, but i already know this book will make an appearance on my top 10 countdown in december. i am so, so utterly in love.
anyway dare i...put this on the faves shelf immediately...?
cw: human mutations (mild body horror), human experimentation, animal experimentation and deformation, panic attacks, torture (implied)
___
hey siri how do you sell your soul for an advanced copy of a book...more
to avoid becoming another black teen trapped in her poverty-stricken neighborhood, alexis duncan is on track to a college scholarship for a pro basketto avoid becoming another black teen trapped in her poverty-stricken neighborhood, alexis duncan is on track to a college scholarship for a pro basketball career. however, when she gets shot during a gang shooting, her sporting dreams are dashed. feeling lost, the new indian student, aamani chakrabarti, convinces her to join school’s stem team and begins to show alexis how her future may not be as predetermined as she thinks.
every variable of us is a work of fiction, but it shows experiences that are so real and brutal till this very day. i could tell you that this is an important read, how alexis’ existence is made up of so many intersections - female, queer, disabled, person of color - but that hardly feels sufficient.
i could tell you that this has a lovely sapphic romance, with two girls falling in love under the moon, the stars, the planets and craving the universe that awaits them (and you know i am a hoe for space). but that still feels insufficient.
i acknowledge that its a privilege for me to be reading this book in a safe space, where alexis’ lived experiences do not reflect my reality although i saw parts of myself in her intersections of queerness and disability and that meant so much to me. so instead today i’m going to amplify charles a. bush’s words on his book because and no one says it better.
he calls this book his “heart and soul”. he dedicates this to queer black kids who are afraid to come out. kids who should not become another name in an article, another statistic, kids who had to grow up too early. but beyond that fear exists immense joy and hope, that regardless of skin or environment, people can be and do anything.
the heart of this book is honest and unashamed, of growing past learnt prejudices, coming to terms with your queerness and standing proudly in the face of immense hate and adversity. it acknowledges that life is messy and uncertain, but it can be pretty spectacular too.
✼ thank you to the flux / north star editions & netgalley for sending me an arc of every variable of us in exchange for an honest review....more
“maybe no one knows who they are and we’re all just trying to build the pieces of ourselves with the help of other people.”
✼ thank you to netgalle
“maybe no one knows who they are and we’re all just trying to build the pieces of ourselves with the help of other people.”
✼ thank you to netgalley and torteen for an arc of some faraway place in exchange for an honest review.
two months ago i fell in love with the infinite noise. since then, i've been journeying through the bright sessions universe - books, podcasts, spinoffs, you name it. its a strange feeling to have a universe grow inside your chest, something that started with caleb and adam from the infinite noise evolved into something larger, more complex. with each podcast and book, i fell more and more in love with this universe.
and now we’re reached the final instalment - some faraway place.
so like. we’ve all thought about escaping reality and retreating into a fictional world inside our heads, right?
that's basically it. we follow rose, a late bloomer in a family of atypicals, who discovers that her sleeping spells are a manifestation of her developing ability to dreamdive - entering and influencing dreams. spending time in a dreamworld is complicated, but the trickier part is not losing herself and her loved ones in the process.
if you look up ‘disaster lesbian’ in the dictionary, you’ll see rose proudly staring back at you. she is an absolute disaster. she waxes poetic about hand holding but literally cannot form a single coherent thought around girls. y’know in saphhos' poem 31 where sapphos talks about fainting after hearing a beautiful woman’s laugh? yes exactly that. i love her.
but more than that, rose is a messy protagonist.
flung into a tumultuous period with no instruction manual, rose makes poor choices, throws tantrums, wallows in self pity, pushes people away when she gets scared. but at the core, she’s driven by the best intentions - to stay true to herself while being a good daughter, sister, girlfriend; to right her wrongs; to do all she can to feel enough for herself and those around her.
this book tells you that you need to own your actions, acknowledge mistakes, and accept that they do hurt others. here’s the thing about growth though: its not linear. so she’s flawed but she picks herself up, dusts herself off, falls down, and tries again. as we all do.
lauren shippen is brilliant at character development - both personal and emotional - and her characters speak for a chance at hope and love. i also credit her with turning me into a podcast lover. yes, me! owner of two dying brain cells and the attention span of a goldfish! truly a testimony to what a phenomenal storyteller she is.
social media also plays a big role in this book. that thing these characters do? finding friends and family online, creating a safe corner on the internet with people who understand, love, and support you? most of us readers do that too, finding book communities oceans away through the internet, bound by a common love.. and it was so nice to have that validated as a form of connection that is just as real as in-person ones.
maybe its because the entire tbs universe now occupies a space inside my chest, but this book felt big, like the collision of every past book and podcast in a final hurrah. a farewell to characters who are damaged but healing, struggling but trying, and hurting but loving. just as we are.
goodbyes are always tough and this one is no exception. but i can’t think of a better send-off to this universe. as they say, this is not farewell, but a hope-filled see you later....more
it’s alexis hall’s world and we’re just living in it
“i believe we know when we do wrong. we feel it. in our hearts, our soul, our conscience. and n
it’s alexis hall’s world and we’re just living in it
“i believe we know when we do wrong. we feel it. in our hearts, our soul, our conscience. and nothing i have ever learnt or known or felt has taught me to believe that love is wrong.”
✼ thank you to netgalley and montlake for an arc of something fabulous in exchange for an honest review.
if you’ve breathed in my general direction, you may know that alexis hall is one of my favorite authors. an autobuy author. i’ve impulse reread boyfriend material a worrying number of times and made my way through his backlist this year. one thing his books have in common: they’ve all brought me immeasurable joy.
something fabulous is no different.
something fabulous is a regency romp following valentine, a reserved duke who unwillingly proposes to arabella tarleton, so horrifically that she flees. in a bid to find her, arabella’s twin brother, bonny, gathers valentine on a cross-country chase but as they bond, valentine starts to question what he thought he knew about himself and about love.
this was a whole queer party! the campest, wildest, silliest, most outrageously fun book. at multiple points my brain went “am i having…a fever dream?” but complimentary! i was literally in tears from cackling. i joke that Hall is single handedly saving 2021 but am i joking though? this was sunshine in a book. a breath of fresh air. a much needed reprieve.
as always, Hall excels at creating characters you’ll fall in love with. with valentine - naive & profoundly lonely. watching him challenge what he’d internalized about the world, about attraction, and as he came to understand his own relationship with attraction made my chest ache. with bonny - wholesome, charming. believing so fiercely in love and yet never judging valentine. i would give my left lung for him. and arabella - a drama queen with violent tendencies.
this book is delightfully Hall. the wit, banter, feelings, and clever literary references - his voices radiates through. i love recognising it and knowing that there will always be this voice to return to for comfort and joy. what a wonderful voice to know....more
june 2023 reread: it feels weird to officially mark an iksw reread because because i'm constantly rereading this book.
most days i have iksw alreadjune 2023 reread: it feels weird to officially mark an iksw reread because because i'm constantly rereading this book.
most days i have iksw already flipped open for comfort, for when i need to see every part of me reflected back, when i miss home, when i need to taste lime and see light on water.
some days i flip to chloe, an Annoying Girl striving to be the best with boba in hand. we’re both unapologetic monsterfuckers with a bit of a big head. two girls who could use a reminder that just because we carry so much so well, doesn’t mean it’s not heavy.
other days i see shara, quite literally in the mirror ever since i went blonde for her. and then coincidentally later pink. i see the poster child held up to unattainably high standards, who has trauma as a result of that. we’re both very Extra and Dramatic. we learn to put our foot down and to stand up.
i flip to georgia, someone who stays behind to make change. because she can take it. because i can take it. to see bravery in a different way.
and earlier this year i planted a crepe myrtle blossom tree in my backyard. i did it for smith, for the identity that i’m still navigating. i flip to smith to feel endless, like holy spirit endless.
in iksw i see younger me—a queer kid in catholic school. i remember forging best friends turned family, existing quietly and keeping each other safe. people who gave me the space to be whoever i needed to be, even if i didn’t know who that was.
i remember the summer sun and sweet tea and long drives scream singing out the window and ditching class for boba and existing in a place that often felt like it didn’t want me, want us. a reminder that i survived it. i made it to the other side.
how wonderful it is that every single day i get to come home to this story, to be reminded that my existence is real and beautiful and something that should be celebrated. a reminder that i’m not alone and i deserve to exist, always and everywhere.
___
may 2022 reread: its kind of funny how i've written a whole ass review for iksw and yet i don't think it even comes close to encompassing how much i found my heart in this book
___
hey siri how do i tattoo this entire book behind my eyelids so i can read it every time i close my eyes !!
✼ thank you to st martins international for sending me an arc of iksw (screams) in exchange for an honest review
i’ve built a home in casey mcquiston’s words.
i built a home in red white & royal blue. meeting alex claremont-diaz made me feel seen like never before; prince henry’s quiet bravery made me feel comfortable in my own skin. i found a family so dear to my heart here with many who cherish rwrb just like i do.
i built a home in one last stop. a love letter to belonging & celebration of the queer community that we surround ourselves with, and those before and after us.
and now: reading i kissed shara wheeler felt like coming home. a home i’ve never been to before, but immediately felt safe, loved, like there was space for me to exist. home to ya, where despite growing up will always be a home. home to a beautiful voice that i recognise and love - casey’s voice. what a wonderful voice to know.
chloe green has spent four years in willowgrove christian academy competing for valedictorian with the perfect prom queen - shara wheeler. when shara vanishes after prom, together with smith (shara’s boyfriend) & rory (shara’s neighbor), chloe follows the clues shara has left for them, determined to find out what happened to the girl she has always said she hated. and what do they have in common? they have all kissed shara wheeler.
in a span one novel, casey has crafted a perfect cast of characters, all of whom i fell in love with & saw a home in. i saw myself in chloe, in shara, in georgia, in rory. and somewhat surprisingly but most importantly, i saw myself in the jock - in smith. how i fell in love with the quarterback, not in the way that i thought i would, but in the way i so desperately needed. and it filled me with such joy and light.
this is exactly why ya will forever be special - i find my own heart in it.
i kissed shara wheeler is a love story.
a love story to the queerness in yourself, how it is real and will always exist regardless of whether you can show it or not. its about the home you make with your queer friend group, how you /see/ each other daily, even in places that refuse to see you. it’s about being proud together, but safely and quietly, protecting each other, and knowing there is a space in the world for you to exist and belong.
a love story to our youth, the friends we make along the way, the friends who have become family. some will leave, some will remain, but everyone has impacted you in one way or another, moulded you into the person you are today. and the good memories, you carry with you forever.
this story takes place in a christian high school, so there’s homophobia and religious trauma but it’s important to this story, exists and is told for a reason. but hey, this is casey’s voice, so you know that you are in good and safe hands. you know you can trust casey with your heart.
as someone who came from a catholic high school, i somehow still look back at it with fond memories. and honestly? it’s the friends, the teachers who turn out to be allies, and how we all kept each other safe, kept each other true. it’s those memories i take from high school.
it’s the car rides with friends as you scream along to songs on the radio, hiding out under the bleachers to escape gym class, passing notes, the silent conversations across the classroom with your best friend because the teacher split you up for never shutting up.
high school showed me that the world is big and life can be scary, but there will always be a safe bubble for you. and if you stick around, the place in which you belong awaits you.
and all that joy and hope for the future? the infinite possibilities that await you? that is i kissed shara wheeler.
content warnings: homophobia, religious homophobia, religious trauma, discussions of racism and misogyny, mentions of past off-page outing of an adult supporting character, threatened outing of supporting character (avoided), underage drinking...more