“THAT is what I want to write about—why life is SAD. And what people do for Love (everything)—whether they're gay or not.”
Dancer in ✰ 3.75 stars ✰
“THAT is what I want to write about—why life is SAD. And what people do for Love (everything)—whether they're gay or not.”
Dancer in the Dark is a novel that gives an illustrious glimpse into gay culture in the glittering world of New York during the early 70s. And with it's languid yet profane prose, jarringly distasteful vocabulary, tinged with a hint of a melancholic love for the zest of living the life at that time, it just left me feeling very sad. At times, I felt like I was floating through their lives - a mere spectator to their world, much like the nameless narrator, himself, who could neither act nor react as he witnessed the friendship between Malone and Sutherland evolve. Malone, a 'a literal prisoner of love', searching in vain for the right kind of love, and Sutherland - a glitzy 'queen thought to have come from another planet' who 'dressed Malone like a doll each night and ushered him out into the city to be a fantasy for someone', simply believing that it was the only right way of life for someone to live.
“Now of all the bonds between homosexual friends, none was greater than that between the friends who danced together. The friend you danced with, when you had no lover, was the most important person in your life; and for people who went without lovers for years, that was all they had.
It was a continuing bond and that is what Malone and Sutherland were for years, starting that fall: two friends who danced with one another.”
I cannot relate at all to the time that this story was depicting, so I can not say with confidence that it was depicted correctly. However, I can say, that how it was described here, for the generation it was showcasing - it was that time to be alive. A time to be whoever you wanted to be, a time to love whoever you thought you could have, a time to cling onto the existence that you have been given, to sleep your way through the challenges of everyday life and live and breathe simply in the now - searching for that gripping glow of love.
“Do you understand? As Auden says, we want not only to be loved, but to be loved alone...”
And at the crux of it was Malone - a man raised with the Christian faith, but somehow, found himself drawn to the wants of being with other men - falling in love with the one man he found attractive, only to find that he simply wanted more - searching for that attainable desire of love. And when his lover beat him and threw him onto the streets, and it is there when he stumbles upon Sutherland - a man, so colorfully flamboyant and fashionable, so rich in the know-how of what entertains the mind and desires for all gay people at the time, that he could be Malone's confidante, savior, and pimp - all in one, was what made their friendship all the more scintillating and bizarre then what it appeared.
“Isn't it strange that when we fall in love, this great dream we have, this extraordinary disease, the only thing in which either one of us is interested, it's inevitably with some perfectly ordinary drip who for some reason we cannot define is the magic bearer, the magician, the one who brings all this to us. Why?”
Were Malone and Sutherland likable characters? Were they tragic romantics who were blazing through life - existing in the now, making the most of what was offered to their present existence? It's hard for me to judge - how can I? How can I fault either of them? Malone who moved from man to man, almost in a dream-like state, neither here nor there, searching for a chance to feel that feeling of true love. Or as Sutherland emphatically informed him,
"Looking for love is not one of the standard entries on the résumé. You see, you have been writing a journal for the past ten years, and everyone else has been composing a résumé."
And Sutherland, who spouted tall tales and loud words that boasted of the grandiose with his brazenly bold thinking and zealous lifestyle that was the envy of all - attainable by so very few, was a character that came alive with his words, that could either make you love him or despise him - or even both for how he could make you feel about yourself. But, it is what Malone confided to that nameless narrator at a moment of contemplative reflection on his life - simply wondering where did the time go - that just hit me in my core.
“...life, if you just let yourself float," he said in the voice of a child wondering over some extraordinary fact, "you can end up anywhere! There are tides flowing anywhere!" he said, looking over at me with his chin still resting on his hands.
"Why," I said, "do you think you've wasted your life?"
"Does it matter?" he smiled. "And do I have enough strength to save it? If I do want to?" he said.”
When I read this bit, my mind immediately drifted to that most poignant and iconic line from the movie, Papillion.
❝Yours is the most terrible crime a human being can commit. I accuse you of a wasted life… The penalty is death.❞
And somehow, this hurt me even more, at how ironic this statement will play out for the outcome for both men. As much as primarily, the focus of this novel is to offer us a look into what life was for the gay man at that time, this was also the tragedy of Malone - a man who felt that he had spent the betterment of his years, squandering his youth. A man who did not know that he could destroy a man's life and heart, simply because they set eyes on him - a man who had the rich and famous wrapped around his finger, who did not know that he was simply a mirage of what he was - that he did want to, at times, be something more than what he had become.
For the times when he really did try to break free from Sutherland - there were so many moments where he made an effort to say that he wanted something different, he didn't want to be pimped out anymore, he wanted to settle down, but...it is wrong that I looked at Sutherland as a villain - someone who was noticeably harmful for Malone - that he could have been better off after being broken by Frankie, that he had never met him? Clinging onto him to make his life a little more colorful - so he wouldn't be at the service of this one man - granted, he was still meandering through life - searching for the love of his life - but, this one contemplative thought that eventually led to his inevitable end - it just hurt me deeply. Sometimes I wonder if I read a little too differently into what the book's initial aim was - maybe, I am - doesn't mean it hurt any less as I reached the end.
I ended this book with a heavy heart - not that I was disappointed, just that I felt so hollow inside - it's hard to explain, really. Or perhaps I'm looking at it in the wrong light - that in fact, this book was only written to emphasize and portray what was the way of living for gay people during the pre-AIDS 70s - a cultural lifestyle so vibrantly passionate with the glam for the daring and sensual disco-ball glare - the desire to have the unobtainable - the allure of the heady glances and obscene objectifying - that yet, at the heart of it all - they were just men - normal men - searching for someone to love - that you could still have that someone - just as you are.
So you must be wondering, why did I feel that way - that sudden turn of uplifted spirit? Well, allow me to explain the reason why. The book starts off with two correspondents exchanging letters, as the narrator mentions that he would like to write a novel about their friendship. Each of their letters end with a famous name from history. As the story draws to a conclusion, as the two contemplate the ending of Malone and Sutherland's lives, the recipient of the narrator's letters signs of his message with his name - not a famous figure, not a historical leader - just simply his name. And with these parting words, which pushed the rain cloud out of my heart with the knowledge and understanding that somehow, somewhere, someday, there will still be happiness and hope for them.
“No, darling, mourn no longer for Malone. He knew very well how gorgeous life is—that was the light in him that you, and I, and all the queens fell in love with. Go out dancing tonight, my dear, and go home with someone, and if the love doesn't last beyond the morning, then know I love you.”
“Life can never be Exactly what you want it to be.” -"Dedicated to The One I Love"...more
“It’s like what you said, before. There’s no good doing the right thing unless you stop people doing the wrong thing. Is there?”
[image]✰ 4 stars ✰
“It’s like what you said, before. There’s no good doing the right thing unless you stop people doing the wrong thing. Is there?”
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Sharp writing, hyped action scenes, sizzling chemistry, witty repartee, mystical magpies, and oh-so sensual attraction between two very fascinating characters made The Magpie Lord capture my attention entirely when I finally decided to begin the historical paranormal series A Charm of Magpies by K.J Charles.
It reads more like a light-hearted novella, but such an addictive one; the writing engages you right from the start - throwing you into a situation that has to be acted upon as instantly as it is to save someone's life. I liked how it immediately pulls you into the plot - how the author stages it that Crane and Stephen have no choice but to meet, despite Stephen's obviously apparent disdain for him due to their familial disputes. The mystery, itself, intrigued me enough to see how it would progress and in what manner they would be able to solve it. And once you've been gripped by it, you just have to continue reading - and that's exactly what I did. ...more
“Ahh, what is truth? Truth is in the eye of the beholder. Aren’t lies just variations of the truth? Taking a fact and stretching it out,✰ 4 stars ✰
“Ahh, what is truth? Truth is in the eye of the beholder. Aren’t lies just variations of the truth? Taking a fact and stretching it out, morphing it until it becomes something else?
Even the stars are lies.”
Made of Stars was another lovely read by Kelley York that once again proved to me why whatever she writes is in an instant-click for me. She has a way with words that tugs at the heart-strings, that makes you feel the emotions of all the characters that are in her stories. It's something that makes her work so very enjoyable and relatable - that she creates characters that you genuinely start caring about, with writing that just speaks to you with how honest and genuinely caring it is. And I live for writing like that.
Told in the dual POV of two half-siblings, Hunter and Ashlin, who while spending the summer with their father, unexpectedly stumble upon Chance. Chance was 'unlike any other friend' they had ever had - 'strangeness and whimsy in human form - he was their friend, he was summer.' Despite his fun-loving approach to life, his adventurous spirit, he had always been very mysterious and secretive about his family life at home.
And now ten years later, when the siblings return to their father's home to spend Christmas with him, do they realize just how much of a lie his secrets have been and how much danger he has been in, all this time. And yet, even with all that lurks in the uncertainty of not knowing the actual truth, it still tells the honest truth about three friends, on the cusp of adulthood, who have to make those difficult decisions of what their futures will be and who they want to let into their hearts to share that future with. ...more
“You can pretend all you like,” he whispered. “But your heart rate doesn’t lie.”
Once I had completed Outrun the Rain and saw that wh✰ 3.75 stars ✰
“You can pretend all you like,” he whispered. “But your heart rate doesn’t lie.”
Once I had completed Outrun the Rain and saw that what I had assumed would be a trilogy about three different couples, was actually a series focusing solely on one pair only, my take-away from the book became a little more lenient. Because, in a way, it served more as an introduction, a Part 1, a meet-greet to the relationship, and the other two books would subsequently, be the continuation of their story. So, with that altered viewpoint in my mind, I realized that I enjoyed this a lot more than I thought I would.
“Because his smile was contagious, and the spark in his eyes did absurd things to my belly. And the logical part of my brain knew I was heading for trouble, but my heart didn’t seem to care.”
'If sunshine was a person, it would be Tully Larson' is definitely the most accurate way to describe him. He was such a fun and lovable character - who despite his free spirit took his work very seriously, respected Jeremiah's boundaries and truly cared about wanting to know more about him. He didn't ever hesitate to speak how he felt, nor did he ever fear from stepping out into the face of lightning strikes to protect him. I loved how much he was so fiercely intrigued and fascinated by Jeremiah and still wanted to help him in whatever way he could.
“There was no way that was the whole truth. There was definitely more to the Jeremiah Overton story than he was letting on.”
Jeremiah has a lot of baggage behind him, but spending time with Tully slowly brought him out of the funk that he was in. I liked Jeremiah; Jeremiah, with the bluest eyes Tully has ever seen - whose entire life has been shaped by lightning, who is so very protective of his equipment. He may come across as moody and grumpy and totally passionate about his work, to the point of doing crazy stunts that would even test Tully's patience and imagination. ...more
I knew there was no way I could enjoy Evenfall, if I read it one go, so reading bits of it at various✰ 4.25 stars ✰
“You'll always be human to me.”
I knew there was no way I could enjoy Evenfall, if I read it one go, so reading bits of it at various intervals, over the course of almost a month, was suffice to say, a daunting, if not, exhilarating experience. ☺️ I didn't quite know what to expect, once I started, but as I read, as the story progressed, as the characters intertwined, as the plot developed, I became immersed in the story. Boyd and Hsin - Hsin and Boyd - two agents who become partners - forced to work together because they were the best fit for each other. Each haunted by their own shadows of the past, each carrying a weight of a burden neither of them know how to overcome. This is the start of what they go through to get to the level where they are NOW - what a ride - what a show - taking slow-burn to another level. ...more
“Nothing, however, is more arousing and intriguing to a young man than a teasing set of vague suspicions; the imagination, usually wa✰ 3.75 stars ✰
“Nothing, however, is more arousing and intriguing to a young man than a teasing set of vague suspicions; the imagination, usually wandering idly, finds its quarry suddenly revealed to it, and is immediately agog with the newly discovered pleasure of the chase.”
There is something timeless and ethereal to the prose that Stefan Zweig brings forth in his novella, Confusion. A certain sincerity, a beautiful honesty at one man's entrance into a life after wasting so much of it - only to stumble across the raptures of a lecture by a professor so stunningly captivating - so utterly blinding with his words that aroused a fervent desire to be someone worthy of his attention. And what unfolds is that precarious shift in how this young man's fierce intense desire to please, to stir something alive into his professor's heart, while still not realizing the extent of what such a relationship could mean in the eyes of others - the professor, his wife, and himself.
The story is centered around these three characters and how their relationship unfolds in this almost calming yet enticing fashion, from which that Roland is almost enamored by the professor's zeal and his passionate nature. And in that trajectory of how Roland enters their lives - becomes a part of their every-day affairs - cements himself at the side of the professor, while still harboring this unexplainable attraction to him - one that he cannot understand why he is compelled with this strong urge to be around him and still take note of his wife. It felt as if I was standing on a precipice - waiting to fall on my own - only to find myself pushed off the cliff, instead.
“All this is forty years ago, yet still today, when I am in the middle of a lecture and what I am saying breaks free from me and spreads its wings, I am suddenly, self-consciously aware that it is not I myself speaking, but someone else, as it were, out of my mouth.
Then I recognize the voice of the beloved dead, who now has breath only on my lips; when enthusiasm comes over me, he and I are one. And I know that those hours formed me.”
There is also something about the prose that is almost as mesmerizing as the captivating tales the professor spins in his lectures - how the very lands and people he captivates his audience with is what drew me into Roland's perplexity and insecurities. It is a very short read, yet almost verbose at times with the lengthy sentence structure and grandiose way of describing one simple action.
For at times, pages would be dedicated simply to detail one certain figment of capturing the extent of the professor's mind - and what surprises me is how it well it worked. Because it was so perfectly off-set with the scenes of dialogue, the conversations, the many pursuits of pleasure that Roland sought after, in this desperate hope to cling to this need of belonging. That it was almost hypnotic and riveting - fully drawing you into the magnitude of intensity in which Roland was falling for the professor and not quite figuring out what hit.
And I was transfixed by it - by the revelation that Roland is fascinated by this much older man, that he yearns to be seen by him, but cannot understand why he does. At that, for me, was the crux of this story - that the professor's wife could take his uncertainty and inability to understand why he was feeling this way - that the professor could approach him with the wildness of wanting to stay away from him - all these conflicting actions affected his mindset causing him to act in an uncharacteristic fashion and yet, you still cannot fault anyone as the villain.
“What have I done to him, why does everything I say irritate him? Help me—tell me what to do! Why can’t he bear me—tell me, please tell me!”
At this, assailed by my wild outburst, she turned a bright eye on me. “Not bear you?” And a laugh broke from her mouth, a laugh rising to such shrill heights of malice that I involuntarily flinched.
“Not bear you?” she repeated, looking angrily into my startled eyes. But then she bent closer— her gaze gradually softened and then became even softer, almost sympathetic—and suddenly, for the first time, she stroked my hair.
“Oh, you really are a child, a stupid child who notices nothing, sees nothing, knows nothing. But it’s better that way— or you would be even more confused.”
While the narrative focuses mostly on Roland's fixation with his professor, it is the tenuous and distraught relationship he forges with his wife - that fleeting understanding that both of them are ensnared in the enigma of this professor - too uncertain what their worth is to him, too unclear what to make of their part of his life. And how the wife can sense something is stirring between this young man and her husband - that she continues to act in the frivolous manner that is suitable for her age, and still feel the sting of jealousy and contempt towards this young man, who can offer something to her husband that she never could.
“With the torch of Eros in his guileless soul, bold and innocent as Parsifal the holy fool, this youth bent close to the poisoned wound, unaware of his magic or that even his arrival brought healing—it was the boy for whom he had waited so long, for all his life, and who came into it too late, at the last sunset hour.”
If perhaps, someone like Roland could have come into the professor's life much earlier, would he have been saved from the dismal dreary life he had surrendered himself too? And I wonder - that perhaps if Roland had met the professor when he was not at his most charismatic and charming self - if it had been the dreary and moody and aged professor that he had first chanced upon meeting, would that have still stirred up that intense desire - that captivating pull towards him?
Their is a visceral sense of longing for wanting to be acknowledged - that aching need to be wanted and admired by the one you most admire. Can admiration by explained as adoration? The sessions in which Roland transcribed all his thoughts, put his ideas into words, captured the message he wanted to convey - that tragic irony that Roland thought it was the professor who had stirred something in him, when in fact, it was Roland was the one who gave the professor the chance to be something else.
Did I break down all the pivotal moments of this book - yes - it was impossible not to, for even in the length of the novel, it captured the aching loss of innocence and understanding - not only reflected within Roland for what he he finally understood what was the meaning behind his feelings - but to see his professor for who he was - the shouldering of a secret and a burden, so very heavy that he sealed off himself and his heart to everything else - save for that one instance, when one young man shined so brightly into his life.
“The confused devastation of the night when, in the dream world of his overpowered senses, he had climbed the creaking stair to save himself and our friendship with those hurtful remarks was cruelly clear to me now.
And shuddering, gripped, moved as if in a fever, overflowing with pity, I understood how he had suffered for my sake, how heroically he had controlled himself for me.”
There is a poetic sadness towards the end of Roland's reflection - that even after forty years - even when this beloved professor did not leave his indelible mark in the literary world - when he never heard from him again after they parted ways - to be the only one to have ever remembered him - that even so,
“But even today, as once I did when I was a boy still unsure of myself, I feel that I have more to thank him for than my mother and father before him or my wife and children after him. I have never loved anyone more.”...more
“He teetered between joy and panic, happiness at having got a taste of something he so desperately wanted, and fear that, somehow, hi✰ 3.75 stars ✰
“He teetered between joy and panic, happiness at having got a taste of something he so desperately wanted, and fear that, somehow, his actions were going to be cause for regret later.”
I'm not usually fond of reading novellas, but as a fan of Kelley York's works, I was willing to make Glass Castles an exception. And while I still feel that it barely grazed the surface of what could have potentially been a more fulfilling story, what she did offer with her signature style of combining spooky historical settings with unique and intriguing characters made it an enjoyable worthwhile read. ...more
“'Son, worryin’ only gives small things big shadows.’ You can’t control what everyone else does out there. So just get out on that co✰ 3.75 stars ✰
“'Son, worryin’ only gives small things big shadows.’ You can’t control what everyone else does out there. So just get out on that course and do your thing.”
I know it's called The Gay Best Friend, but there were so many aspects to Domenic Marino's personality that resonated so very much with me. That as much as it was a chaotic, emotionally-strung, and very messy depiction of how friendships can be wrecked over one summer, Dom's voice through Nicolas DiDomizio's skillful prose - while often times, a bit annoying - was so very much real, and honest, to a fault.
It's not easy being stuck between two best friends - having to take sides - deciding which secret is easy to reveal over the other - who to protect from the lies - how to behave differently with each group - all the while, trying to balance his own emotional levels of a wedding break-up and the potential for a blossoming romance.
“There’s something special about being able to float between their two worlds so seamlessly—indulging both the hypermasculine and ultrafeminine sides of myself. It wasn’t until this summer—when they each expected my allegiance to fall expressly on one side—that I started to resent it so much.”
There were times when I wanted to shake Dom and tell him to snap out of it and behave in a sensible fashion - there were moments when his behavior and comments irritated me and I felt compelled to see him as the bad guy. And there were the scenes where I saw myself in him that made me realize why I was being so affected by him - how much I have this innate desire to be a 'people pleaser', to want to avoid conflict at all cost, to preserve friendships without hurting the other. ...more
“But like your grandmother’s handmade patch quilt, we try and sew the pieces back together the best we can, to make something out of wha✰ 4 stars ✰
“But like your grandmother’s handmade patch quilt, we try and sew the pieces back together the best we can, to make something out of what’s left, even though, when you lose someone, you miss them all the world. Work keeps our minds occupied, but the loneliness is always waiting.”
What was so captivatingly beautiful about Closer by Sea was how important a part the sea itself played in Pierce Jacob's life in Perry Chafe's poignant and deeply moving coming-of-age story. There was something almost melancholic and still youthful about the writing - that it felt as if I was buoying on a boat - tethering between land and sea - trying to find some closure between the past and present. ...more
“We rarely challenge people on their lies unless there’s something big at stake.”
Always up for reading a thriller every now and then, I✰ 4 stars ✰
“We rarely challenge people on their lies unless there’s something big at stake.”
Always up for reading a thriller every now and then, I decided to read The Lie Maker because the blurb intrigued me. I've never read anything by Linwood Barclay before, but after reading this, I am very much curious to check out his other work's, namely the thrillers he's written for children. The opening sequence sets the scene of a young boy watching from afar, the final moments right before agents come by his house to take his father away and enter him into the witness-protection program - for reasons not yet disclosed.
Fast forward years later, and the son, Jack Givins, 34, is a struggling yet promising young writer, who's on the cusp of releasing his next new novel. But, before he has a chance to do that, his agent offers him the choice to pursue another venture - as a 'lie maker' so to speak - someone who creates false identities with substantial backgrounds for people who were in need of starting over to protect themselves. It's a concept so entirely unique and unheard of and one that promises a substantial income, that he immediately decides to take a chance with it. Little does he know that when accepting that offer, he would somehow find himself entangled in a murder plot of revenge - one that unwittingly traces back to the lies of his father and the life that he previously led.
“I was . . . approached. By a representative. Asked to relay their interest and give you the phone.”
“Suppose I just pitch it?” I said, raising the phone in my hand.
“Then you’ll never know,” Harry said. “You’ll never know what the opportunity was, and you’ll never stop wondering, either. The road not taken, that kind of thing.”
Shit. Like some dime-store-thriller writer, Harry had set the hook.”
Darn, I had a good time with this one - even if it did read like a popcorn thriller - with the murders and the constant shift between each killing and flashback - but, what I admired was how the characters' paths very slowly but surely intertwined with each other. ...more
“From now on, I was going to be the kind of man who took photos for the love of it, not because he’d die if he didn’t, and I’d be the✰ 3.75 stars ✰
“From now on, I was going to be the kind of man who took photos for the love of it, not because he’d die if he didn’t, and I’d be the kind of man who fell in love with someone true and honest, like Daniel. Someone who, if he ever did date me, would never hide me away or use me.
I was becoming a man I could be proud of ---”
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Leta Blake's 90s Coming of Age series finally comes to a close with Only You. It was a good read - the writing, as always was wonderful. She has an art for making the characters' interactions feel so very realistic and just leap off the pages with their dialogues. As exhausting as it is to be back in Peter's mind as he grapples with his newfound acceptance into the life and person he is, while still struggling to find a balance between his new love and old, it was still handled with her usual touch of honesty and heart.
“High school is a terrible time to be gay. It’s a terrible time for almost everyone, I think. But for a queer kid? It’s hell.”
It's the fall of 1991, and in his freshman year at college, Peter is slowly learning how to trust in himself and to trust others, especially Daniel. Their relationship was at a rocky start at first, but his unselfish desire to help Daniel cope with his own personal family issues was very nice to see. I liked all the casual and intimate moments Peter shared with Daniel, how you could clearly see that neither of them was quite over the other, as much as they fought their affection for each other. ...more
“Imogen rests her hand on mine, Mia presses hers over Imogen’s, and Bryson’s big hand tops us off.
“Thanks for coming.” I make a point of✰ 4 stars ✰
“Imogen rests her hand on mine, Mia presses hers over Imogen’s, and Bryson’s big hand tops us off.
“Thanks for coming.” I make a point of meeting their eyes. “For sharing.”
“And caring,” Mia says with a wry grin. The rhyme is cheesy, but the truth of it binds us. Hunter made it silly so we would always smile.
“And why do we come together?” I ask firmly. Our hands flex against each other’s and Imogen leads us off as we all say:
“Because lone wolves die alone.”
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Is there a limit to how long one person can grieve? is there a statute of limitations that informs humans that after a certain period of time, they have to let go of the feelings of pain and loneliness and sadness in order to move on with their lives? Can someone's own tragedy of loss be measured against someone else's and then expect them to overcome the depression to respond the same way - in a manner you might not find yourself entirely comfortable with? Letting go and moving on is not easy - it never is - and for Gage, the protagonist in Jessica Kara's latest novel Don't Ask If I'm Okay it might be the hardest thing he ever has had to face.
There was so much raw emotion in this book that was so viscerally written that I really could feel Gage's loss - who wouldn't? How can you move on from the death of a loved one so dear, a cousin who was like a brother, a best friend who felt like a soulmate - someone that died right before your eyes, from a drunk driver car collision the both of you were in. ...more
“My testimony is the truth,” I said, which was a lie.”
Boy oh boy, does the blurb of Love, Betrayal, Murder sum it up - but the writi✰ 3.75 stars ✰
“My testimony is the truth,” I said, which was a lie.”
Boy oh boy, does the blurb of Love, Betrayal, Murder sum it up - but the writing really sells itself. Adam Mitzner's legal thriller - was not exactly thrilling, as much as it was curious. Because, what started off as one aspect of the story became something entirely else mid-way of the plot. And while it wasn't something I was expecting, the trajectory in which it happened intrigued me.
A forbidden love affair gone sour - a sting of betrayal unfortunate yet unavoidable - and a murder completely unexpected yet possibly planned right from the start - these are the delicious elements that summarize the heart of Adam Mitzner's latest legal thriller (till now, I had no idea what that meant - are John Grisham books defined like that, too?)
This was written with a clever sharp and smart sense with plenty of twists and lies and convoluted secrets that kept me turning the page, despite at times being overwhelmed with the intense attention to the court proceedings and legal battles. Which, I understand is to be expecting, but it did get to be a little too much at times. The slight reprieves we did have were when we were presented in alternative view points, certain glimpses into how the characters ended up the way that they did. What I found particularly interesting was how the shift in the opening courtroom drama dialogue, which I thought would be the major focus of the story suddenly shifted in another course - a new storyline unraveled that was completely unexpectedly shocking for me. ...more
“But she’d utterly forgotten to warn me about the perils of beautiful blond Englishmen with canes and hearing aids and bedroom eyes. And✰ 4 stars ✰
“But she’d utterly forgotten to warn me about the perils of beautiful blond Englishmen with canes and hearing aids and bedroom eyes. And about falling in love.”
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Even before I read the blurb, even before I knew it was an M/M romance, I was immediately drawn to to Cloud Nine's cover model. And when I read all about his 'bedroom eyes', I knew that it had succeeded in convincing me to read. This was such an endearingly adorable read with such a sweet love story of such an unlikely pair that had writing so soft, it left me with a ridiculous smile on my face as I read it. I may have not read the first part to the series and it may be my second book by Fearne Hill, but I have to admit - I enjoyed it a lot more than Two Tribes.
Dominic was the guy who was always at the wrong place at the wrong time saying the wrong thing to the wrong person. But, what made him such a fun and likable character, was because his heart truly was in the right place. ...more
“In the face of coincidence and unexplained phenomena we are all at the mercy of our own thought processes.”
The mystery may not have be✰ 4 stars ✰
“In the face of coincidence and unexplained phenomena we are all at the mercy of our own thought processes.”
The mystery may not have been any different from your average murder mystery, but The Mysterious Case of the Alperton Angels sets itself apart from the typical fashion by presenting the storyline in a unique fashion that was both intriguing and enticing and compelling enough for me to give it a chance. Alternating between WhatsApp conversations, email messages, police reports and even passages from novels and screenplays from every-day people who were fascinated by the thrilling and haunting cult-esque massacre that took place in the early 90s, Janice Hallett's latest novel is the story of Amanda Bailey, a true crime reporter, who is assigned by her literary publisher with the task of uncovering and unraveling the secrets and truth behind the mysterious case of the Alperton Angels.
“To revisit something in the past that’s not been … settled. They say never go back, but if the past comes to find you, there has to be a reason, right?”
It took me awhile to get the hang of the written format and the non-linear narrative that switched rather seamlessly - surprisingly - between the past and the present events. Amanda Bailey intrigued me - she had that carefree attitude - one that resonated confidence and was motivated enough to want to find out the truth behind the horrific events of the past. As she and her newly assigned partner albeit reluctantly, Oliver Menzies, track down the clues and investigate possible suspects that had the potential to be a part of the crime, there's this latent current of something else brewing between their relationship. One fueled by some hidden motive of trying to one up the other or even hurt the other to the extent that it may not only destroy their partnership, but also lead them on a search that could destroy themselves.
There was something very captivating about their dynamic - there was a deep-seated enmity between the two - an unspoken challenge that while they were both vying for the covetous position of being the first to break the story - it never let on that there was something more lurking beneath their conversations - some hidden agenda that was taking root of which the readers were bereft to. And I think, that's what made my mood suddenly plummet towards the end of the novel. ...more
“What did it mean to love one person and have a crush on another?
What did it mean when you wanted to give someone another shot, but you ✰ 4 stars ✰
“What did it mean to love one person and have a crush on another?
What did it mean when you wanted to give someone another shot, but you also wanted to see what the world was like without him?
What was loyalty worth when the other person in the equation wasn’t loyal to you?”
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To all the readers who had to wait six years since the release of You Are Not Me for the final conclusion to this series, you have my utmost respect - I tip my hat to each and everyone of you. The fact that reading the two available parts within a span of two weeks has exhausted and exasperated me, I can't even begin to imagine how stressful the time has been for all of you. Leta Blake - without question, is a talented writer - she is so skilled at bringing out such an intense reaction from within me - for the unpleasant or the agreeable - there is a gnawing in my heart that won't be appeased till I read what future awaits Peter.
“I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but this breaks my heart. I hate that you’re willing to accept so much less than you deserve. Why don’t you think you deserve to be somebody’s everything? Some boy’s everything?”
A small part of me understands why Peter behaved the way that he did - for someone, who has had a difficult time growing up, even before he met Adam - who has been bullied at a young age for simply being the way he was - his first love is Adam. Even if he's conflicted about his own inner feelings - that range of wanting to live life - he wants to give Adam the benefit of the doubt - the indecisiveness of his behavior is so realistically believable that I can't even fault him for wanting to try to make it work. I get it, I do - it still doesn't mean I have to like it...
“I loved him and I hated him and I didn’t know what to do about that.”
And yet, he's still not being directly honest with Adam either, by not even informing him about Daniel. In a way, he is unwittingly leading Daniel on, someone who's openly expressed interested in, someone who knows about his situation, but yet, the two of them give in to temptation - risk their friendship for the sake of one night. And again, I can't hate him for it - who am I to be so judgmental, because no one is perfect - we all have made mistakes in our life - I mean, isn't that all a part of growing up?? The parts that makes us live life - the good and the bad - the ups and the downs - whether we like it or not.
“I love you. You know that, right? You know how much I need you, don’t you? You’re the only person who really knows me.”
“I know.”
He was quiet before whispering, “Tell me you love me. Tell me you know I need you.”
“I love you,” I whispered, but I wasn’t sure I even meant it anymore. “I know you need me.”
I wonder, though, if Peter had not experienced a very traumatic experience while Adam was away - would his feelings and reaction towards Adam's advances have been altered the way that it was. Because, even now, it felt that all Adam really wanted from Peter was a relationship based solely on sex - for his own sexual pleasure. Was he even with Peter - just because he knew about Peter's own homosexuality?? Was Peter simply an escape - an outlet for his own repressed and suppressed conflicting thoughts on himself?
And yet, still having Leslie as a girlfriend - displaying outward jealousy towards Peter's personality changes - I didn't like any of his behavior - and yet, the rational part of me keeps whispering 'but do you know his side of the story?' Does the author even allow Peter or Adam to actually talk about it once during their entire summer of phone calls? So is it alright then, for Peter to give in to temptation, to flirt around with the possibility of a more meaningful relationship - but still holding out for a future with his first love??
“Number one: your eyes. Number two: your laugh.” He threw up his hands, laughing. “Number three: I never know what to expect from you.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You’re a constant surprise. I never expected you and then you showed up at Robert’s and I knew the second I saw you that I wanted to know you better. Since then, you just keep surprising me. You’re a conundrum and I want to solve you. And I want to get you naked.”
Oh Daniel, the sweet, kind and caring soul that you have - a reluctant participant caught up in a forbidden love affair you want to be the winner of. It's so tragic, so unfair that you had to fall in love with the one person already taken by someone else. And to have your own personal family issues that weighs so heavily on you - to know that being attracted to Peter - wanting to even be with Peter - is morally wrong - despite how hard you try to fight it. ...more
“This is something you do with your eyes open. You look at the world, see it for exactly what it is, and then make this conscious choice✰ 4 stars ✰
“This is something you do with your eyes open. You look at the world, see it for exactly what it is, and then make this conscious choice to be part of it.”
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There was absolutely nothing regular about Just a Regular Boy, Catherine Ryan Hyde's latest book that was as beautifully written and heart-breaking as the previous work that I read of hers. She has such a gift with words - that transport you right into the heart and mind of the characters, that you can visibly feel the intense emotions that envelope them at any given moment. Told through the eyes of two alternating perspectives of Remy and Anne, we are presented a honestly raw glimpse into two different sides of humanity - how it can be both ugly and pure at the same time.
The time Remy spent out in the wilderness as a young child, alone in the cabin, with only his father as his sole companion, completely cut off from society and civilization and made to believe that humanity had changed and was a danger to his survival - those moments were absolutely devastating and heart-wrenching to even read. ...more
“If I could turn the clock back, my love, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”
It was a strange coincidence that I stumbled across Two Tribes - st✰ 4 stars ✰
“If I could turn the clock back, my love, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”
It was a strange coincidence that I stumbled across Two Tribes - stranger coincidence even more so, that I was just about to read Fearne Hill's latest release, as well. But, to find out that it had been selected as a contender for the Lambda Literary Award for Gay Romance intrigued me and convinced me that I should take a shot at it.
Fearne Hill's writing immediately takes you right to heart of early 90s vibes in England. The odes to the music, the lifestyle, the drive of living of that time resonated so well from the pages that it felt like I had been transported back to that time. ☺️ I loved how Matt and Alex met - I enjoyed how they got to spend time together - the little moments shared in the car - the math tutorials - the love of new music 0 the acceptance into Alex's family - the fear of judgment Matt held in view of his own family life.
Their quick-timed banter and easy steady flow in which Alex embraced Matt into his life - accepting him as a friend, despite their difference in the worlds they live left me with such a smile on my face. ...more
“This man had left me undone in a way I wasn’t sure I’d recover from. Like he’d rearranged my insides, and my heart now throbbed on the ✰ 4 stars ✰
“This man had left me undone in a way I wasn’t sure I’d recover from. Like he’d rearranged my insides, and my heart now throbbed on the outside of my body.
Only for him.
And that was when I knew I was in love with Rowan Abernathy.”
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I've had a week's worth of heavy and emotional reading, so when I finally decided to check Undone off my pending tbr list, I was prepared for the level of sheer cuteness and just pure joy I was getting myself into! O-M-G! This was such a delight to read! ...more