: ̗̀➛“Sashneka,” Marya said, “you are not incomplete because a piece of your heart is gone. You are you, an★★★★★/5 5 dazzling stars/5
Spoiler Free.
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: ̗̀➛“Sashneka,” Marya said, “you are not incomplete because a piece of your heart is gone. You are you, an entire whole, all on your own. If you have loved and been loved, then you are richer for it; you don't simply become a smaller version of yourself simply because what you once had is gone.”ૢ
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Plot
╰┈➤One For my Enemy by Olivie Blake is a modern retelling of Romeo and Juliet with two witch boroughs. The Antonovas and the Fedorovs. Koschei the deathless sired three sons, Lev, Dima and Roma. Baba Yaga sired seven daughters, all witches and all with varying degrees of power. The families have been entwined and at eachothers throats for over twelve years and history keeps repeating itself. Lives and power are at stake and in the end, who will remain standing?
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Characters
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷"Write me a tragedy, Lev Fedorov,” she whispered to him. “Write me a litany of sins. Write me a plague of devastation. Write me lonely, write me wanting, write me shattered and fearful and lost. Then write me finding myself in your arms, if only for a night, and then write it again. Write it over and over, Lev, until we both know the pages by heart.”
SashaLev One Federov, One Antanova. You'd think they'd stray far away from the other but instead, they come colliding together like the opposite ends of a magnet. Despite the ongoing treachery amongst their family lines, they always made time for eachother. Wicked sighs under a sheet or pleas while being shoved up against the walls of a bar. I fell in love with their love, the way they were so devoted to eachother from the beginning--even if they didn't quite see it at first. Getting to read their story was one that made me gasp, grip the pages of the book and become desperate to know how their story ends.
₊˚ෆ“I will always love you, I will love you until the day I die—and if you’re the one to kill me, then by all means, you should know without a trace of doubt that you will not have turned me away. I will have spent the final beat of my heart loving you, just as I always have. Only you, Masha.”₊˚ෆ
DimitriMarya the way Dimitri would wax poetic at Marya's feet...if there's one thing that Olivie Blake writes exceedingly well, it's a man desperate. Dimitri would've gladly burnt the world down and then some if it meant he got to keep Marya next to him for the next lifetime and the one after that. Dimitri would simply cease to exist without Marya. The same goes for her. The secret meetings without the other family knowing. The secret plot. How in the end, they were always on the same wavelength even if they didn't know it. I'm happy with how their story came to be. Everything about it was so beautiful.
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚“My daughters are diamonds, as Yaga so often said. Nothing is more beautiful. Nothing shines brighter. And most importantly, nothing will break them.”˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
KoeschiBabaYaga two tortured souls who loved power just a little too much in the end.
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Honorable Mentions
Bridge In the end, he was a friend and then some.
Eric I hope Sasha slaps you again just because I thought it was funny.
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Overall
ೃ⁀➷ I was very excited for this book. I am a huge fan of Olivie Blake's writing. There's just something about it that is timeless and scratches at the forefront of my brain. Everytime I read something from her, I want to get it tattooed. I want to erase my memory just so I can crack her books open again and read it front to back--and then repeat the process again. I'll never get my fill. I cannot wait to dive into the rest of her book. I have the feeling that I will fall in love with them as well.
Rest of the Olivie Blake Ratings
Alone with you in the Ether ★★★★★ 5/5 Masters of Death ★★★★ 4.6/5...more
i’m convinced i was left dehydrated by crying out all of the tears in my mortal being after finishing this book.
this review will con★ ★ ★ ★ ★ /5 5/5
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i’m convinced i was left dehydrated by crying out all of the tears in my mortal being after finishing this book.
this review will contain minor spoilers within the quotes. you have been forewarned.
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she said softly, “you make me want to live, rowan. not survive; not exist. live.”
aelin every time i turned the page i was continuously shocked by how cunning aelin was: the sheer strength she exuded continued to stun me and i just know that i will continue to be shell-shocked by her as i continue this series. i whole-heartedly believe that just the simple saying of that i am in love with aelin is an understatement. it is far beyond that. aelin has sliced off a little piece of my heart and she resides there. aelin is such a strong fmc. resilient. cunning. smart. the embodiment of strength. of remembering that there is light where there is darkness. that you can create a new future. i loved watching her be born into who she was meant to be.
rowan came close enough to graze her shoulder and murmured, “i feel as if i’ve been looking for this my entire life.”
rowan the second aelin mentioned that his scent was the exact scent of terrasen i knew. the way he roared for her when he felt her being stabbed. the way he crashed into her body to take the brunt of the arrow. the way he turns feral whenever she shows just a bit of skin. rowan is hers, it’s written in the stars. rowan is aelin’s home. for she did not have one, now she has one in a person. someone who follows her blindly, who will hold her hand through every decision regardless of what he thinks of the idea. i loved watching him change throughout the book, to lay himself bare before aelin.
but dorian’s eyes were on his father, and they were burning like stars. “what did you say. about chaol.”
dorian not even a vlag prince being harboured inside of you could make me hate you. not even you slaughtering hundreds when you shattered the glass castle. every character in this book has done things they’re ashamed of. my suspicions of you being of power stronger than the fae’s was confirmed at the end and dorian, the man you are. you deserve the love you give so many others and i hope you receive said love in the coming books.
”no, i can’t,” she purred into his ear. “but aelin galanthynius is alive. and i hear she has a score to settle.” she yanked out her nails and squeezed his shoulder, setting the blood running down vernon’s green tunic.
manon nothing could ever make me hate this woman for she was made to be devoid of any light. watching her crack at the seams and realise that all she’s ever known isn’t what it seems has been such a journey. to watch her yank back from the claws of her grandmother, to feel for her wyvern, to owe a life debt to aelin. i cannot wait to see how she evolves, to watch her thirteen become victorious.
”to remind you of who now holds your freedom. you.”
lysandra i wasn’t her biggest fan in assassin’s blade, but she was meant to be perceived that way for a reason. lysandra was fighting her own dark battles, fighting her own debt that she owed to a cruel maker. finding out who or more so what lysandra was shocked me. i truly didn’t see it coming and i just stared at my ceiling for a good few moments. it truly makes me want to go back and reread everything to see if there were perhaps any signs. i love lysandra so much.
chaol did not yield. “you murdered my men. and sorscha.”
“and a good many more.”
another step. the king stared over chaol’s shoulder to the hallway where aelin and dorian had vanished.
“it ends now.” chaol said.
chaol if you read my review for heir of fire…you know i have a love/hate relationship with chaol. this man has made me want to bang my head up against the wall so many times…but i knew i loved him for a reason. the unyielding loyalty to the king—dorian. the loyalty has always been dorian. not dorian’s father. chaol would lay himself bare if it meant dorian got a second chance at life. he didn’t care about anything else. truly, nothing could ever make me hate chaol.
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if you made it this far in the review, truly thank you for reading. if it isn’t obvious by now, i fell in love with this book. the pacing. the plot. the way everything unfolded. it was in fact chefs kiss that i almost want to give it six stars for the amount of tears that i have shed. a gross amount. i’m gonna be drinking bottle after bottle of water at the time of posting this just because i truly fear i am now dehydrated.
i will be sending my therapy bill to miss sarah j maas. ✋...more
guess who got their hands on the arc…i don’t think anyone knows just how excited i am right now. i’m practically bursting at the seems with it.
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★ ★ ★ guess who got their hands on the arc…i don’t think anyone knows just how excited i am right now. i’m practically bursting at the seems with it.
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★ ★ ★ ★ ★ /5 5/5
firstly, i would like to thank net galley, the publisher and ann liang for generously granting me a copy of this arc in exchange for an honest review.
spoiler free.
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and that beauty is not so different from destruction.
xishi a courageous woman who is extended an offer by the king of yue to overtake the king of wu with her cunning beauty. her character is one i’m confident you will fall in love with. from the way she cares for others to her smooth, silver tongue.
fanli this man, i fell in love with him two chapters in and that doesn’t happen often. even though we rarely see much of him throughout the book. all fanli has known is to be loyal, to serve his king and to not show weakness. but what happens when he discovers he truly does have a weakness—xishi? their love is one that seized my heart.
king fuchai of wu i fear that in the end, my opinion of him changed drastically. to outsiders, he has fallen into his father’s shadows. a man built only to take down others, to kill, to shed blood, to be ruthless. but, behind closed doors he is only just a boy—a boy wishing to be loved. to be a child once again. there’s so much i wish to say about king fuchai.
overall
this book is written beautifully and in a manner that will have you enraptured in the world from the start. it’s a harrowing tale of sacrifice, love and feelings of grief. if you decide to pick this up when it releases, i can only hope to see your review.
i know i will for sure be picking up a physical copy. the need to annotate it is incessant—i have even highlighted a myriad of quotes on my kindle—where this arc shall always remain. to remain vigil of a beautiful story....more
did i finish the book or did the book finish me? rtc
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★ ★ ★ ★ ★ /5 5/5
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the way this book left me feeling is one i will never forget.
this review will cdid i finish the book or did the book finish me? rtc
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★ ★ ★ ★ ★ /5 5/5
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the way this book left me feeling is one i will never forget.
this review will contain spoilers. there’s so much i want to say.
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”one thought from me, and your city will burn.”
“it is stone,” maeve snapped.
celaena smiled. “your people aren’t.”
aelin ashryver galathynius the way she turned her grief into power, dug deep inside of her and took her rage and turned it into something otherworldly…words cannot compute. i do not have the words. aelin’s character development is one that i loved watching. she went from hating the idea of being queen to accepting the role, to realising that this is the path she needs to take in order to fulfil the oaths she took. she gave everything, everything of herself and turned herself inside out to forget the monstrosity that happened to her parents. aelin galathynius will always deserve more than she receives.
i claim you, aelin. to whatever end.
rowan whitethorn the man you are. it was truly giving enemies to lovers in the beginning. the moment he wished her dead was truly the moment i fell in love with him. i was giggling and i know that’s terrible of me. (i can’t help it. sue me.) the way he dropped to his knees before her and gave himself over to her entirely, to serve her had me kicking my feet. i love this man. this powerful wind blowing man. if he conjured wind at me i’d be convinced it’s the fates telling me he’s my mate.
chaol stared at dorian in mute horror as his friend’s eyes glowed a deep, raging blue, and the prince snarled at the king, ”don’t you touch him.”
chaol westfall i’m gonna be honest, chaol had me wanting to slam my head against a wall a few times. then i remembered that he gave up everything he was to serve the king. that the king was and is all he knows. until celaena came in and upended that dream, showed him just how nasty the king is. he struggled with his identity and in the end he chose the rebels. he chooses his friends. i can see why people are frustrated with him but he’s a complex character through and through. i love chaol and i hope i continue to love him through the rest of the series and i don’t eat my words.
and then dorian, still screaming, was scrambling through the blood toward it—toward her head, as if it could put it back.
as if he could piece her together.
dorian havilliard the man you are. where do i even begin? i firstly want to say that dorian is just as delusional as me. the second a woman sees me as if i’m whole, i fall in love. dorian and i are one in that sense. secondly, the end of this book made me cry. dorian didn’t deserve that ending. all i can hope is that celaena let’s dorian kill his own father. i have suspicions that perhaps the king truly isn’t his father, some things just don’t add up for me but maybe i’m thinking too much into it. the king deserves to pay for all the things he’s done. there’s some creative ways i’ve been conjuring up of how i’d like him to pass.
somehow, that regret made her feel incredibly, heavily mortal.
manon blackbeak is the love of my life. that’s it. thanks for coming to my ted talk.
honourable mentions:
emrys & luca. that’s all i need to say. those two heave carved out a little part of my heart and they reside there....more
the amount of tears i shed during this book should be illegal…how do i rate something 6 stars????????????? rtc
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★ ★ ★ ★ ★/5 5/5 (6 if i could actually the amount of tears i shed during this book should be illegal…how do i rate something 6 stars????????????? rtc
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★ ★ ★ ★ ★/5 5/5 (6 if i could actually select 6 stars)
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spoiler free ✨
dear reader by t swizzle is so nesta coded and i will argue with anyone who says otherwise
amren put a hand above nesta’s heart. "that’s the key, isn't it? to know the darkness will always remain, but how you choose to face it, handle it...that's the most important part. to not let it consume. to focus upon the good, the things that fill you with wonder." she gestured to the stars zooming past. "the struggle with that darkness is worth it, just to see such things.”
nesta is so misunderstood. the amount of love that i have for her and her character growth is something that i hold near and dear. can i see why people struggle with her character? yes. but i also understand her. i understand the complexity of her character and the way she overcame her struggles is so beautiful.
cassian leaned to whisper in her ear, “the first time i saw that look on your face, you were still human. still human, and i nearly went to my knees before you.
cassian everyone says cassian deserves better but i truly think he’s found his other half. he stood by nesta and stood up for her every single time. he went against his brother, fought against a crown for nesta. he’d lay his life down for the woman if it meant she got to live and vice versa. cassian, azriel and rhysand are my three babies. i don’t know if anyone could ever top them. ever. i loved learning about cassian throughout this book, loved getting a peak inside of his brain.
nesta gazed at her friends. and saw pain and sorrow in their tear-streaked faces, but also the openness of letting each other see the broken places deep inside. the understanding that they would not turn away.
gwyn & emerie i cannot wait to see more of gwyn and i hope i get to see more of her. her character development was so large within only a very pages and i fell in love with her. her and emerie. they shattered my heart with their stories but the way they both connected with nesta in a way no one is could warmed it all back up. they created an unbreakable bond and went through hell together.
rhysand & azriel…still my babies. the loves of my life. feyre is also the love of my life. you know what, all of them. i just want them all. forever. i never want to let them go.
the writing in this book shows such a beautiful development of sarah’s work. you can see the difference between the first book and this one and i can’t wait to dive into this universe even more. i just know i’m going to end up rereading this again and again and it’ll be a comfort series. (you should see the amount of tabs i have on acosf)...more
if i could give this book a 6 star rating…i would. rtc. the way i want to wax poetic about this book
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this review will contain spoilers.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★/5 5/5
if i could give this book a 6 star rating…i would. i devoured this book in one sitting and i left zero crumbs. this book was everything i wanted and more. the characters, the world building, the magic…chefs kiss.
the girl, the king, and the monster they became.
elspeth she was locked away for a good portion of this book but her character growth shined nonetheless. the way she bonded with the ‘nightmare’ in her head, the way she put together who he really was and helped him in the end…i love elspeth and taxus so much. taxus protected her in so many ways even though it didn’t seem like that in the first book. he hurt my heart with the memories that he allowed elspeth to see there on that dark shore.
elm’s voice came from the back of his throat. “get your fucking hand off of her.”
elm the way i fell in love with elm during two twisted crowns…i wish i had the words to describe it. he was a strong character throughout two twisted crowns and i’m so happy i got to see his and ione’s relationship blossom. the character development he showed. the remorse he felt for the way he treated elspeth…for ravyn. i ate it all up.
”i am to be better. if you are disappearing like elspeth did—and have little chance in the matter—i would like to help you.”
ione i fell in love with ione but my heart also clenched for what she went through with hauth. he truly got what he deserved in the end and i’m so glad that it was her who got to drive the sword through his cold heart.
”there can be no stony facade—no pretending—after this. death demands to be felt. it wasn’t just gorse who died in that courtyard today.” his yellow eyes reached into the darkest parts of ravyn. “but the captain of the destriers as well.”
ravyn he risked everything to save elspeth and emory from the infection, from degeneration. he was willing to let himself be sacrificed, a matyr to ensure they went free. the way he loved elspeth, right from the beginning is something i could only dream about. when it came out that he was a descendant of the shepard king, it concluded everything i needed to know ever since it was revealed that bennett had grey eyes. i wish we got more between ravyn and taxus. that’s my only wish from the shepherd king duology.
yew. taxus. yarrow. elm. all trees. all strong. all spirits of the wood.
the way this book ended was so satisfying. there were no loose ends, no plot holes. i loved every second of my time reading it and i just wished it hadn’t ended....more
rtc because i need to sit and think about this but its five stars. there’s no ands ifs or buts. 5 stars.
- this review will contain spoilers. ★★★★★/5 5/5
”rtc because i need to sit and think about this but its five stars. there’s no ands ifs or buts. 5 stars.
- this review will contain spoilers. ★★★★★/5 5/5
”feyre, when i say that i know what you feel, and i know what they tried to do to you, and that with enough courage, you can say to hell with a reputation.” her voice spoke, and the tension between them faded with it. “you do what you love, what you need.”
⛥feyre the love of my life. i can honestly say that feyre is one bad ass fmc. her character growth between a court of thorns and roses to a court of mist and fury is one that i loved watching unfold. she overcame so many obstacles and took them with stride, even if it felt like her world ended over and over again. i can't wait to read more of her character in a court of wings and ruin and see where it takes her. i loved reading her come into her powers and herself.
rhy's eyes darkened, and i knew he read what i thought, felt."you might be my mate," he said, "but you remain your own person. you decide your fate--your choices. not me. you chose yesterday. you choose everyday. forever."
✵rhysand i don't think there's anything i wouldn't do for rhysand. he's the polar opposite of tamlin. he lets her do as she pleases. he doesn't lead her but lets her make her own choices, lets feyre be herself. she can admit when she's uncomfortable and he'll fly her far away from it. he brought to life what tamlin killed inside of feyre. he didn't keep her as a locked bird inside a cage, he let her spread her wings (literally) and thrive. he knew that they could be stronger while standing side by side, not stuffed in a place and snuff the light out of her eyes. discovering who rhysand is deep down was the most beautiful part of the story, watching him slowly begin to trust and then watching him spend forever helping his community rebuild? what a beautiful character.
"i want them to hear your story. and know that there is a special strength..." as i spoke i realized i needed to hear it, to know it too. "a special strength in enduring such dark trials and hardships...and still remaining warm, and kind. still willing to trust--reach out."
ᕯmorrigan throughout the story, i found myself tabbing so many things that morrigan said. the way she carried herself despite the atrocities that she went through had me reaching for tissues every now and again. she lifts her head up, strolls into the court of nightmares everytime and faces her father--someone who made her life a living hell. morrgian faces him everytime even though she has the greenlight to eliminate him. her strength is awe-inspiring and i loved getting to know her throughout this book.
cassian's brows rose, "someone who let her youngest sister risk her life everyday in the woods while she did nothing. someone who let a fourteen-year-old child go out into that forest, so close to the wall. your sister died--died to save my people. she is willing to do so again to protect you from war. so don’t expect me to sit here with my mouth shut while you sit there and sneer at her for a choice she did not get to make--and insult my people in the process."
٭cassian where do i even begin with cassian? he protected feyre with his life time and time again. even before she became high lady of the night court, he made sure that he was right there protecting her should any harm come her way. he protected her like she had always been a part of their little inner circle. i want--no, need more of cassian.
azriel let's just say between azriel, cassian and rhysand i was born with three holes for a reason. i could wax poetic about this man and he barely speaks.
quotes i felt like needed to be mentioned:
his hands slid down to cup the back of my knees as he said with a roguish grin, “you are my salvation, feyre.”
knelt on those stars and mountains inked on his knees. he would bow for no one and nothing--but his mate. his equal.
"you love me?" rhys nodded. "then eat."
"is that a challenge, feyre?" i held that predator's gaze--the gaze of the most powerful male in prythian. "is it?" his pupils flared.
a court of mist and fury went above and beyong my expectations. i love everything about this book. the pacing, the world-building, the character development. everything about it was perfect. i can't wait to have a free day so i can finally dive into a court of wings and ruin....more
trigger warnings: - eating disorder - heavy depictions of murder/gore - mentions of grief - suicidal ideation - losing oneself to dark th⭑ ⭑ ⭑ ⭑/5 5/5
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trigger warnings: - eating disorder - heavy depictions of murder/gore - mentions of grief - suicidal ideation - losing oneself to dark thoughts
- dedication
for the monsters in your head
”i think someday you’ll hate me,” thomas’s voice stretched with a loneliness andrew had never heard before. “you’ll cut me open and find a garden of rot where my heart should be.”
“when i cut you open,” andrew finally said, “all i’ll find is that we match.”
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have you ever read a book that had left you speechless? that had taken you right into the depths of the book, as if the words consumed every fibre of your being and you became one with the book?
that’s how this book is written. despite the dark contents of this book, it’s written how a painting is made. the paint still drying but you can tell it’s a masterpiece.
i fell in love with how this is written, how you can see the downward spiral. how everything comes together in the end is such a beautiful way to describe grief.
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andrew the way this character is written is something i fear i’ll think of often. the prince who gets lost in the stories he creates between the lines of paper. the prince in love with the autumn haired boy. andrew realises that he is asexual and is petrified of the fact that perhaps thomas may one day want more. maybe thomas just won’t accept him. there’s more on the surface than just monsters that wreak havoc in the forest and on the school grounds.
thomas the autumn haired artist with a thousand and one freckles. the boy who everyone thought was a murderer. the boy who grabbed a hatchet with once shaky fingers and then mastered the art. the same way he mastered the art of charcoal pencils and oils on a canvas. the way he mastered the tells of holding onto andrew and whispering, ‘calm down,’
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i cannot wait until this book releases to get my hands on a physical copy. i loved every second of this book and i was enraptured from the dedication alone. if you are into psychological horror books and don’t mind some gory scenes, i think this would be right up your alley.
thank you netgalley, the publisher and c.g. drews for being generous enough to send me a copy of the arc in exchange for an honest review....more
if you have not yet picked this book up, if you have not yet read this book, i encourage you to do so. yes, it⭑ ⭑ ⭑ ⭑ /5 5/5
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this may contain spoilers
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if you have not yet picked this book up, if you have not yet read this book, i encourage you to do so. yes, it is heart-breaking but i think it’s something that everyone needs to read.
we have become so desensitised to everything going on in this world but this is someone’s everyday life. hiding from bombs, from snipers, watching your family members die and feeling survivors guilt.
there are some aspects of this book that may seem hard for some readers and i fully understand that. it’s also hard for those that are enduring it. this is a story that needs to be read.
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“alhamdulillah,” he whispers. “what can i do in heaven, auntie?”
salama is an eighteen year old who’s been torn from everything she knows. wanted to be a pharmacist but instead wields a scalpel and uses parts of her lab coat as bandages. wanted to see all the colours of the world, yet sees greys from plumes of smoke and red from the blood staining the cracked debris. they’re just children who were forced to grow up too fast. to see war crimes, torture. things beyond their wildest nightmares and her fear is tangible—coming in the form of khawf.
”i want you to hold onto that. no matter what happens, you remember that this world is more than the agony it contains. we can have happiness, salama. maybe it doesn’t come in a cookie-cutter format, but we will take the fragments and we will rebuild it.
layla the woman who brought colours and dreams to life on a canvas. who wanted to travel the world and see all of the colours so she could create brighter pictures.
”you asked me if you could see colours again, salama,” kenan says quietly. “i think we do. i think you can. there’s too little of it in death. in pain. but that’s not the only thing in the world. that’s not all that Syria has. Syria was once the centre of the world. inventions and discoveries were made here; they build the world. our history is in the Al-Zahrawi palace, in our mosques, in our earth,”
“there’s still beauty, salama. still life and strength in Homs.” he nods towards the sun. “there’s colour.”
kenan the nineteen year old boy who wants to create animations like studio ghibli. who hands salama drawings of their might life. who is fiercely loyal to Syria. who will do anything to ensure the safety of his siblings. who crafted stories for others to disappear into just for a little while to forget the horrors that they face everyday.
overall
this story is a heart-breaking one. i’ll reiterate this again, this story should be read. it deserves to be on every tbr list. i shed a lot of tears. felt hopeless on some pages. felt rage like no other on other pages. there were times where i wanted to shut the book and shut out the horrors. i have the luxury of doing that, others do not. so i pushed on.
if there are any memoirs that are like this book, please feel free to write in some recommendations....more
rate to come. wow wow wow wow wowwww. Alexa play invisible string and timeless by t swizzle
- ★★★★★/5 5/5
this review will contain spoilers.
"one single trate to come. wow wow wow wow wowwww. Alexa play invisible string and timeless by t swizzle
- ★★★★★/5 5/5
this review will contain spoilers.
"one single thread of gold tied me to you,"-t swizzle
“the sadness will last forever. it wasn’t a lie. there was sadness, and there was despair, and there was pain—but there was also laughter, and joy, and relief. there was never grief without love or love without grief, and i chose to think that my aunt lived because of them.”.
when i first picked this book up, i expected to be met with a cute little love story but i got so much more than that.
i got a whimsical, magical, mythical love story that features mentions of grief, right place wrong time and a sprinkle of miscommunication.
i must warn that this book does cover the topic of suicide, while brief, i would still like to put it out there for those who aren't in the right mental space to read such topics. the way ashley wrote out the feeling of a loved one deciding to end their life and the way the individual in question took their life really resonated with me.
“sometimes the people you loved left you halfway through a story. sometimes they left you without a goodbye. and, sometimes, they stayed around in little ways. in the memory of a musical. in the smell of their perfume. in the sound of the rain, and the itch for adventure, and the yearning for that liminal space between one airport terminal and the next. i hated her for leaving, and i loved her for staying as long as she could. and i would never wish this pain on anyone.”
clementine has just recently lost her aunt, the person--her person, the woman she looked up to and dropped everything to travel with. the clementine that was left after that was a shell of herself, when she lost her aunt, she lost herself. she stopped painting and just woke up every day as if it were a chore--except she didn't recognise it. she had convinced herself that she loved her job, loved doing the same thing everyday until iwan came along and showed her what it was like to live or in other words--fall in love with life again, even if he was seven years in the past. she picked up a paintbrush again, did things she wanted to do and blossomed once again. so much so that her friends began to notice. the way clementine carried her grief, the way she fell in love with life again, the way she finally went through the different stages of grief struck a chord within me. while iwan was falling in love with lemon so was i.
“whenever i took a closer look at him, he was disorienting in the kind of way kaleidoscopes were, constantly moving and shifting, full of colors and shapes that shouldn't have gone together but did in a way that made it perfect.”
iwan calling him james is foreign to me and i refuse to do it because in my head we're also friends. their love was untangible, something that crashes into a hard, solid body--literally. all of the tiny threads that connected them made me close the book and just stare pointedly at the ceiling. the taxi cab, the way she bumped into him at the restaurant, the interview, his mother being analea's former lover. these tiny threads were the universe's way of screaming at them, 'open your eyes. your soulmate is right in front of you.' the apartment has a way of showing you just who you need, your other half. iwan and lemon are two halves of each other for one cannot be without the other.
analea may the clouds be your greatest adventure.
“i'd gone through the worst day of my life by myself, and i came out the other side a person who survived it. that was not something to fix. i didn’t need to be fixed. i just needed...to be reminded that I was human.
i have been thinking of this book ever since i read the last sentence, clementine shutting the grief behind the mystical apartment and leaving hand in hand with iwan. the dishwasher turned chef & the publisher turned traveller, for he is her greatest adventure....more
britt ⋆୨୧˚ (slump ☹️)
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Books:
5-5
(16)
