Scott Rhee's Reviews > Horrorstör

I have never been to IKEA. Never stepped foot in one, not even to take a piss. I’m not even sure where the nearest IKEA store is near my home, although I’m pretty sure the closest one is in Columbus, which is two hours away.

I have, however, seen IKEA furniture, and I’m perfectly comfortable with my IKEA deprivation. What I have seen is cheap crap. Not only that but trendy post-modern cheap crap. I wouldn’t want a piece of IKEA furniture in my house, ever.

In my mind, the only thing worse than IKEA is an IKEA store haunted by vengeful poltergeists. Actually, no, that wouldn’t be worse. That would be awesome.

Thank God for Grady Hendrix, whose novel “Horrorstor” (imagine an umlaut over the last “o”) is basically about a haunted IKEA.

As is typical of a Hendrix novel, what seems like a very funny concept that should be played for laughs is subverted by the fact that Hendrix is actually a very good writer of horror novels, and his books are actually quite goosebump-raisingly creepy.

The novel is set in Ohio. Cuyahoga County, to be precise, which is where I live, although Hendrix (a Southerner) has clearly never been to Cuyahoga County. Minor problem. Setting really isn’t important anyway, as a vast majority of the book takes place within a giant retail box store.

The store is ORSK, not IKEA, but it’s such a thinly-veiled disguise as to be almost pointless. Clearly Hendrix has stepped foot into an IKEA, even if it was only to take a piss. He also, apparently, shares a similar hatred of the place.

To be fair, Hendrix isn’t just picking on IKEA. His hatred extends to all retail stores in general, a hatred that I can relate to, as I work at the Home Depot.

Indeed, much of the humor in the novel emanates from Hendrix’s spot-on illustrations of life in the world of retail. Anyone who has ever worked retail will understand. The boredom, the drudgery, the ridiculous store policies that nobody follows, the managers who think that their shit is golden, the crap pay. Honestly, when Hendrix adds vengeful spirits and eternal torture devices to the mix, anyone who works in retail will simply think, “Eh, if you’ve worked Customer Service, you’ve probably seen worse.”

Think “Superstore” meets “Saw”. Truth be told, though, “Horrorstor” is a great horror novel, one that builds in intensity and creepiness and never lets up until the end. It would make a phenomenal movie.

P.S. This book is worth checking out simply due to its format. It is designed to look exactly like an IKEA catalog, replete with store maps, order forms, and interspersed with advertisements for ridiculous furniture pieces with names like Brooka or Franjk. Points given for very cheeky cleverness.