Star Kid

Spencer (Joseph Mazzello) is a shy 12 year old boy whose fear makes him a go to target for bullies and unable to utter a single word to his crush. On the evening when he witnesses a UFO crash in the local junkyard Spencer investigates to find it is an alien exoskeleton called a Cyborsuit (voiced by Arthur Burghardt, physically played by Alex Daniels). Spencer dons the suit and finds himself in control of powers greater than he ever imagined, and uses it to get revenge on his bully and observe his crush from a distance. But when a creature of the vicious Broodwarrior race comes to Earth in search of the suit, Spencer's fantasy joy ride becomes a fight for the fate of the galaxy.

By the mid-90s, Trimark Pictures had established a successful business model as a distributor of B-features such as their enduring Leprechaun horror series as well as indie and foreign acquisitions of niche appeal such as Ken Russell's Whore or Peter Jackson's Dead Alive. With the direct-to-video and direct-to-cable markets well saturated with b-level action, horror, and erotic thrillers Trimark decided to test their abilities to break into the mainstream. While Star Kid's budget of $11-12 million dollars may seem modest in comparison to the behemoths the big six (and to a lesser extent MGM) were putting out, Star Kid dwarfed the previous Trimark productions by a significant amount. The film was even positioned as one of Trimark's hottest items when it was sold to foreign territories at the 1995 American film market....and then it sat on a shelf for three years before limping out into U. S. theaters while Titanic dominated the box office. But even if it wasn't released in the shadow of a cultural phenomenon Star Kid would've most likely faded pretty quickly because despite a seemingly simple premise it still manages to bungle it.

If you were to take a mixture of Flight of the Navigator, The Greatest American Hero, Power Rangers, and maybe some Laserblast you might get something similar to Star Kid only without the sincerity of the first two or the campy charm of the latter two. It's easy to understand why Star Kid was made as it has a lot in common with contemporary kids shows like Big Bad Beetleborgs or Superhuman Samurai Syber-Squad with the wish fulfillment power fantasy premise of kids having superpowers, and considering that at one point Beetleborgs actually besting Power Rangers rating wise at one point it makes sense that producers would want to ape that. But despite the ripe potential for a premise of kid having his own alien powersuit, the movie has surprisingly little idea what to do with it until about the 1 hour mark.

After a 5 minute prologue sequence showing us a battle between the Broodwarriors and diminutive Trelkins(the movies default "good" guys who look like shaved Ewoks dyed purple), the movie then switches to Smalltown, USA (or Crystal Bluff as it's called but same difference). The next 10 minutes are dedicated to showing Spence humiliate himself or be the subject of abuse at the hands of a bully named "Turbo"(yes, really) which is then followed by stock family melodrama with workaholic father and bratty teenage sister who hates our protagonist. It's like the movie picked up all the kids movie cliches years since Home Alone and crammed them into the opening. Once Spencer obtains the suit we see him terrorize Turbo, stalk his crush, go on an inadvertent shooting spree that almost kills said crush, destroy his house, steal from a fast food restaurant, and no kidding ten...entire....minutes of Spencer yelling about how he needs to pee but the suit won't let him out leading to an uncomfortable situation where he gets assistance from his teacher to help open the pelvic compartment in his suit.....this is all the first hour of the movie. The movie does eventually give us some actual scenes of Spencer using the suit for superhero-ish stuff, but it's so poorly choreographed as it's obvious the suit actors can't do much in these foam rubber monstrosities that it relies on a lot of awkward staging, angle changes, and haphazard effects work to convey these sequences with even the relatively streamlined Cyborsuit struggling.

Speaking of the suit: it's hideous! Not only is it cheap looking trying to pass itself off as metal, but with its overly big dead eyes, round head, over molded physique that makes the molded physiques in Batman & Robin look restrained, and an even creepier face inside the suit, the suit doesn't convey wonder, mystique, or power and instead looks like a giant version of a baby doll if you spray painted it gray after taking its clothes off. The suit's voice is also quite off putting when put in conjunction with the suit. While Arthur Burghardt is a good voice actor, he's best known for playing Devastator in the Transformers cartoon and Destro in the G. I. Joe cartoon. I'm all for actors playing against type, but it was a mistake having Burghardt voice something we the audience are supposed to feel for because his aggressive bass heavy delivery (that seems like it was run through a synthesizer) in combination with a really unappealing design creates a barrier between us and the audience especially in the scenes the movie plays for emotion. Not only is the suit off putting on a visual and auditory level, but with a large sequence where Spencer is trapped inside the suit with no way out it diminishes the power fantasy aspect and makes what should be fun claustrophobic and creepy.

The human actors are all unfortunately not great. Joseph Mazzello has shown himself to be a capable actor in things like Jurassic Park or The River Wild, and even the same year as this film with his lead role in Simon Birch. Unfortunately Mazzello is saddled with screaming at the top of his lungs or smirking and smugging his way through hackneyed quips. You can tell he's trying during the scenes playing for emotion like when the suit plays a memory of his dead mom, but it's so awkwardly staged that Mazzello's basically asked to push a boulder up a mountain. The rest of the cast basically falls into stock types barely filling out even the loosest standards for what qualifies as "character". Lauren Eckstrom splays Spencer's love interest Michelle who's basically as pure and blank as the standard "girl next door" archetype can get (but she likes the same comic as spencer, that means she's perfect for him!!!). People criticize shows like Power Rangers and Beetleborgs for being over the top schlock designed to sell toys and there's a nugget of truth in that stance that one is challenged to disagree with, but at least those shows gave their audience what they wanted. Power Rangers and Beetleborgs despite being silly show their heroes stopping monsters from hurting people and rescuing those in distress. The one time Spencer rescues someone in this movie it's from a disaster he caused while stalking her.

Star Kid takes a basic premise and bungles it in every possible way. From an unlikable protagonist who casually uses his newfound alien technology to terrorize a bully and stalk his crush, to a creepy suit that is ill conceived on every possible level, to a plot that putters around aimlessly for 70% of its runtime until it rushes to an artificial climax, Star Kid is generic poorly made trash that doesn't exude even a hint of passion, adventure, humor, or fun. While Warriors of Virtue killed itself with an uninteresting protagonist and an underdeveloped world, it felt like there was a solid core that could've worked had it been polished. Star Kid doesn't have a strong core and is a poorly thought out concept done with the bare minimum.