A Merry Little Ex-Mas

The recipe for a successful Netflix Christmas Movie isn't hard. In fact, it's been quite successful in The Princess Switch, Knight Before Christmas, and others. All we the people want and need from these movies are an escape from our reality, smothered in lights, sweaters, egg nog and more. The blueprint is there - even with Melissa Joan Hart producing this movie - and it completely and utterly failed. Why? Because these characters - with the exception of Jameela and Nigel - are completely unlikable. I'll never understand why MJH passed this off to Alicia when she could have easily sold this movie with her effortless charm and delivered us an escape from reality. The script doesn't do them any favors - the nicknames "Betty and Al" are so stupid, and has nothing to do with the opposite gender. Nicknames should be not actual names! "I call her Mistle because we kissed under the mistletoe" - there, that alone that I just wrote was better than this entire script.

Alicia and Oliver have no chemistry. Now I'm a pro-environment voter through and through, but what's the last thing I want in a Netflix movie?! Alicia throwing out terrible dialogue about how everything Christmas is terrible for the environment!!! Again, we want an ESCAPE with these movies. Don't give me the harsh realities that I know! This is clearly why Alicia was an EP - but her activism doesn't belong in a movie like this.

It's also hard to believe a parent who is downright rude to both of her kids when she's so vulnerable at the holidays. She immediately hates the boyfriend and is non stop nagging the son for college essays - over Christmas break! Oliver is also dull and lame.

The two stars are solely for Jameela and Nigel, and the dads. These four were the only saving grace of this disastrous film. MJH should know better!

Alicia Silverstone is completely unlikable in this. Normally she's cute and quirky and fun but in this movie she's naggy and whiny and miserable. I would divorce her too. And the daughter's boyfriend is over the top weird. I love Harry Potter, but this guy is just... no. The best part about this whole movie are all of the side characters. The grandpas are adorable, Melissa Joan Hart is a good friend and keeps it real as do the people who run cafe. I get trying to have an amicable Christmas with your ex, but this is just stressful to watch and I still have 46 minutes to go. I'm sure it's going to end in some sappy way, but So far this has been the longest 45 minutes of a movie I've ever watched.

I like all the stupid plus the 90s actors. All the cringe and discomfort your looking for in a Christmas film. Adorably embraces all of the Christmas movie clichés. If you are looking for deep and profound, turn around and walk away briskly. If you want some cheesiness with a twist, enjoy the goofiness.

Kate and Everett decide to "consciously uncouple," but still insist on sharing one last family Christmas. Kate's taking it in her stride - until she discovers Everett has upgraded to Tess, a dazzling English rose who glides in like she's never known hardship or a badly lit kitchen.

If, like me, you fall victim to the infamous Netflix algorithm and are forced to endure this festive misery, consider this your warning. Don't let its chart position fool you - trust me, anyone who hit play before several eggnogs clearly wasn't thinking straight.

Prepare to be clobbered by a relentless barrage of sugar-fuelled torment. Kate is frostier than the rooftops, a loathsome character you're somehow meant to sympathise with. By comparison, Tess seems really rather lovely. It's not Alicia Silverstone's finest hour, sadly - Kate feels more like someone who should be haunting a Halloween sequel than decking the halls.

And then there's Nigel. Oh Nigel... the English Harry Potter devotee. He's excruciating. Truly appalling. He makes those caricature Brits from Murder, She Wrote look positively well-rounded.

Naturally, the Hallmark truck backs up and unloads its decorations budget (roughly equivalent to the GDP of a small nation). Brace yourself for endless baking scenes - the sort that only happen in fantasy Christmas kitchens where not a spoon, crumb, or mildly rebellious spatula is ever out of place.

The jokes land with a thud, and by the end you find yourself wishing they'd simply not bothered. The credits are the only warmth you'll feel during the entire experience.

We're meant to feel for Kate, the wronged wife, but frankly I'm surprised Everett didn't flee to Poland twenty years ago.

It's all rather loathsome.

2.5/10.

I had some hope for this film as I like the cast. Jameela was especially good. But it was missing that Christmas sparkle, and felt quite bland. The ending dragged out, and although I don't mind some predictability in Christmas movies, this ending didn't feel very special. Overall quite disappointing.