I was working on something late one night and left the TV going for a little distraction. The night eventually gave way to the dawn and as the sun was just appearing over the hills, so too did a li'l show appear on my 13 inch TV screen. A program I had never heard of starring a tall, bleached blonde south American girl who called herself simply, "Xuxa". Boy, am I lucky I didn't have a remote to turn that channel because the more I watched this unbelievable show, the more hilarious it got.
The twenty-something Xuxa had hosted a similar version of this kid show for Brazillian TV and some wizard in syndication (Mary Tyler Moore's company was the program's unlikely distributor) bought it for broadcast in north America. The first thing that jumps out at any casual reader of her bio is the fact that Xuxa once posed for Playboy magazine. Certainly a surprising credit to find on the resume of a host of a kiddie show.
Anyways, each episode would begin with a replica of the Earth literally opening up like a cracked egg shell to reveal Xuxa. Some times dressed in hot pants or a miniskirt, Xuxa would walk down a runway to be greeted by throngs of children cheering in celebration of her arrival. Joining Xuxa were four young girls also dressed in hot pants and drum majorette uniforms. These barely legal looking teens would assist Xuxa in organizing games and contests with the kids in the studio. This majorette posse's other purpose was to keep an eye out for kids who didn't seem deliriously happy enough to see Xuxa. Any kid who appeared to be just standing there was instantly engaged by one of the girls who would urge the youngster to cheer more enthusiastically, or more energetically wave their sparkly "XUXA" banner (no doubt provided to them by the show).
The regular cast included two men made up to look like a teddie bear and a jaguar. Jammie the jaguar man, complete with long tail, was especially creepy looking but he sure was good at doing back flips during the opening number.
Every show featured a competition for some of the in-studio assemblage of children. The games usually had to do with making a mess of the place using silly string or eating pies, etc. When the game was over, Xuxa would assure the defeated ones, "it's OK, you get prize, too". One of the funniest things about "Xuxa" was the star's less than commanding grasp of the English language. For example her penchant for referring to the U.S.A. as the united "estates." It was so obvious how much she struggled with it that they often sang a song that included the lyrics "I'm trying my best...to speak in English". The opening theme song was comprised mostly of,
"Hello! Hello! Hello!
Hello! Hello! Hello!
It's Time For Xuxa And her Friends!"
During one particularly memorable number the children had been supplied with bags of confetti and were supposed to throw it in the air while the host sang. Well, you know kids, so as Xuxa walked about singing her song, the little fans were throwing confetti not just into the air, but directly at Xuxa. As I laughed till I just about bled, one closeup revealed Xuxa in this blizzard of paper spitting chunks of wet confetti out of her mouth.
At the end of the show, Xuxa would apply lipstick to her mouth and then choose one child to kiss on the cheek leaving ruby red, non-smearing evidence that the kid had found favour in Xuxa's eyes. Little wonder when she'd announce it was time to give someone her kiss that the boys who were closest to puberty would buzz around her imploring "pick me, Xuxa! Pick me!"
Xuxa would usually go to commercial with the promise, "we'll be back with more things just for you!", but unfortunately after that single, shining season, I never did see Xuxa come back with more things. I guess a show like this was too unintentionally funny to last any longer than it did. I have no idea what kids of the day thought of "Xuxa", but if you were an adult at that time, you were witness to one of the most bizarrely entertaining programs in the history of television.
