Wow, not exactly ahead of our time, are we? In fact, this late 60's "R-rated" coming-of-age, teen sex comedy has more of a Leave It To Beaver feel to it than anything else. Personally, I am partial to the beav. I think it was a great show. And if you agree, then you should have no problem over-looking how lame The First Time really is. As I said, we're talking late 60's here, not late 2,000's. The First Time is from a time when innocent wasn't quite so lame. Unlike now, when the theaters are clogged with Highschool Musicals and whatnot. Now that's lame. Anyway, this sweet-natured flick stars the now legendary Wes Stern, as Kenny, teenage virgin, who's dad has just sent him off to live with the grandparents. With no new school chums to replace his old ones, Kenny decides to write his old chums, Mike and little Tommy, a letter. With nothing interesting to write about, Kenny does the only logical thing, and tells wild tales involving whore-houses, and other keen times at Niagara Falls. Naturally, Mike and little Tommy want in on the action, and pay Kenny a visit, demanding keen times... Problem!! Kenny is finding out the hard way that there is no such thing as a little, white lie. But nevermind that. Kenny is old enough to know that friends don't lie to friends about whore-houses, because they will always call you out on it, even if, deep down, they probably want nothing to do with the situation. So, anyway, it's off to Niagara Falls, Canada, as we watch Kenny lead his unsuspecting pals on a wild Canadian goose chase, while little Tommy whines over and over and over again about the maid of the mist. Gee, I sure do hope Mike belts him. After making up more lies about his favorite brothel being shut down, the eager trio manage to find another one. And then, it happened. The guys run into none other than Jaqueline Bisset. At last... Prostitute!! And now, this is the part where we watch these little gippers try and get acquainted with their unfriendly, yet attractive new friend. They follow her around Niagara Falls to Buffalo, NY. Never so much as hinting as to what they're allegedly after, as if everything will just work itself out. A sad, awkward series of events (including the inevitable ride on the maid of the mist) is what follows. A truly entertaining movie. Except Jaqueline Bisset. I know it ain't a popular opinion, but her portrayal of Anna is mind-numbingly dull. I assume she just couldn't act, and she seemed uncomfortable in front of a camera. How these three tools mistook her for a hooker is what makes a big fat joke out of an already questionable story. Despite how ridiculous and awkward this movie actually is, I enjoyed it way too much not to recommend it, which could only mean one of two things. Either The First Time ain't all that bad, or hell, maybe I'm every bit as lame as Kenny and pals. A scary thought. But jeepers. Niagara Falls sure is swell. 7/10
