Paul Spooner: Dear Miss Kampenfelt, since you expressed a desire today to learn more about adult life, here are ten bitter truths for your reading pleasure. Number one, complete honesty is a complete lie. Two, marriage is sacred only to those who have never been married. Three, money is more integral to happiness than romantic love.
Katie Kampenfelt: Four, every human being is a contradiction. Some hide it better than others. Five, never underestimate the tendency of human beings to act contrary to their own best interests. Six, were it not for the fear of getting caught, most of us would behave like savages. Seven, all sex has consequences, most of them dire.
Joel Seidler: [reading the last three bitter truths] The older you get, the faster time flies until months pass like days. There's no such thing as living happily ever after. Everything gets worse.
