Thine Ears Shall Bleed

...as you nod off trying to watch this weird little film. It starts off sooooo sloooow you're not likely to bother reaching the end. Fret not, for you will have missed nothing. Never in my life have I heard such stilted dialogue, and I read Shakespeare for fun. Honestly, the characters sound like they've all got sticks shoved so far up their rectums they can't bend to sit. This is not how people spoke in the 1850's: it's how the literature sounded, but not the speech. Anyway, the patriarch of this family traveling through the woods believes the spooky, inhuman roar they all hear occasionally is the voice of God. As one does. Before long, pops has lost his reason and is doing some strange things. The only person with an iota of common sense on this little outing is the wife (of course) but little good it does her. Eventually, another character wanders in and blah blah blah. There's bloodshed, craziness, murder, and supernatural hijinks, but somehow it still never gets past being only vaguely interesting, and far from worth the $4 I paid Prime to watch it. The idea could make an interesting movie, but unfortunately this one wasn't it. Pass.