A Shocking Message for Today's Troubled Teens- or not. Whatever.
30 June 2001
Warning: Spoilers
This flick is nutty! I's about a suicidal, bug-eyed millionaire business consultant who decides to chuck it all and become a high-school guidance counselor. He spouts lots of nonsensical, preachy speeches that don't make a lick of sense, and with every line his twitchy face runs through dozens of emotions. We're never sure if he's happy, sad, sad but pretending to be happy, happy but pretending to be sad, surprised, angry, longing, or just gassy. It's a hilarious tour-de-force performance. At no point do we get a hold on his motivation or personality, learning what drives him, why he cares about kids, or why he has a death wish. Sometimes he's a jerk, sometimes we're supposed to like him. He's rich and influential, but also impotent and has fantasies about ghosts attacking him. He pays drug dealers to beat him.

Despite his suicidal tendencies, he's trying to help four troubled teens. The silliest subplot is the one about the blonde chick who lives in a room full of classy artwork and sleeps nude under gold sheets, but is unpopular because of the scar on her face- at least, that's what the movie says. I believe she's unpopular because she's really stupid and has an incredibly annoying Southern accent. Mr. Bug-Eyes gets the top fashion designers of the world to create a hot new look for her that will draw attention away from her "horrible disfigurement", but all they do it paste some of her hair over the scar. It's really absurd.

There's also a computer nerd, played by Michael Jackson's brother Marlon, and a blue-color guy whose father wants him to be an accountant, played by Micheal Douglas' brother Eric. The fourth student is a sexy gal using sex to get ahead in show business, but I don't know if she has a famous brother named Michael.

Other characters include Mr. Bug-Eyes' secretary, who seems like she should be his love interest but isn't. She's played by Ronee Blakley (the mother in "A Nightmare on Elm Street") and only appears on one set, like she was only there for one day of filming. In one scene she crosses her fingers and nods her head in a way that makes her look completely insane. In another she over-waters a plant while eavesdropping and mouths the word "F*ck" in a really funny way. We also meet the school principal and his secretary (who are never seen in the same frame with any other characters) and Mr. Bug-Eyes' adulterous wife, who turns some sheets into a fancy evening gown while yelling at Mr. Bug-Eyes.

This movie is so odd that I'm not doing it justice here. It's bizarrely paced and strangely photographed. Some scenes are too artsy, some are just incompetent. The art direction, music, and dialog are all crazy. But the icing on this cinematic crap cake is the aforementioned performance by writer-director Richard Horian as Mr. Bug-Eyes. It truly must be experienced to be believed.
16 out of 17 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Recently Viewed