User reviews

It must be hard being a popular wrestler. People pay money to see you, to cheer for you, to buy your merchandise, and generally to make you feel like more then the average man. It makes you think that if they were willing to do all that, they'd be willing to follow you if you attempt other projects as well.

And they do. But mainly to make fun of it.

Then again, it seems like wrestlers are united in their substandard film choices. Hulk Hogan's, whose wrestling stardom was heavily influenced by his guest appearance in Rocky III, movie career reads like a "What Not To Do When Picking A Script". Steve Austin, Triple H, and Adam Copeland (Edge) won't exactly be remembered for their marks in Hollywood either (Only the future will tell if The Rock breaks the mold or follows in their footsteps). And then along comes a film like this, starring former WCW dynamo Bill Goldberg.

Surprisingly, it's not all bad.

True, one shouldn't go into the film expecting a fully sensible plot, or a masterwork of acting, or extremely convincing special effects (look out for the prone motionless 'hell-deer!'). However, the film does contain a few likable characters, some decent puns in the Christmas vein (along with some excruciating ones), and half the time, Goldberg actually manages to make the concept of Santa really being an evil entity comes off as credible. And of course, any film that presents the credit sequence as a naughty and nice list can't be all bad.

In the end, it's not Santa With Muscles.

And that's really saying something.

I was confused when I saw this movie. Santa (Bill Goldberg) is the son-of-Satan and is out to scare children after a thousand years of imprisonment. he is killing for no other reason then to kill. Standing in his way is the man who imprisoned him to serve the children, Grandpa (Robert Culp) and his grandson Nicholas (Douglas Smith).

For some odd reason, Santa finds the oddest way of killing people: lighting people on fire with coal, choking them with a wreath, or just running them over with his reindeer. For two hours or so we watch two stupid teenagers run around and hide, finally leading to a rocket launcher blowing up a reindeer.

In the end I was just like WTF. I was confused, lost, and a little humored by the movie. The fight scenes with Goldberg are pretty cool and sometimes he does act well. In the end, the film doesn't make any sense, it's stupid, but it's pretty funny when you don't care what you're watching. Seeing Goldberg actually try to act is hilarious but some of his lines did make me laugh and in the end did give a convincing performance. The best was the giant reindeer. that pulled his sled.

If you watch it, don't expect a masterpiece, actually don't expect much at all. Just watch it for the action, not the story.

Santa's Slay. Starring: Robert Culp, bill Goldberg, Douglas Smith, and Emilie de Ravin.

2 1/2 out of 5 Stars.

Santa's Slay is a horror/holiday movie. I do not think I have heard of a horror movie starring Santa Claus and, while it is not necessarily a bad idea, there is a reason it is straight-to-video. With that in mind, this was better than I would have thought.

It seems as if Santa Claus (Bill Goldberg) is actually a demon who lost a bet to an angel. Because of the bet, Santa now had to be nice and deliver gifts to the children of the world for 1000 years. It turns out that last year was year one thousand and now Santa is pretty upset and taking it out on innocent families.

Nicholas (Douglas Smith) is a teenager who has taken after his grandfather and is not particularly fond of the Christmas holidays. Soon, it is revealed to Nicholas how Santa came about by his grandfather. Since Santa has, for some reason, targeted Nicholas, he and his girlfriend, Mary (Emilie de Ravin), take it upon themselves to destroy the Christmas demon.

Goldberg was a unique choice to play Santa Claus. He is not exactly what I would expect in a Santa Claus but it turns out to be a great decision. Turns out Santa is buff and resembles a biker. Also, his "reindeer" is played by a buffalo and looks pretty bad ass. It matches Goldberg perfectly.

Some of the special effects were pretty cool and just as many were pretty hokey. I wish directors would not even consider the blue/green screen as an option if you plan on making a decent movie.

Basically, you already know if this is the type of movie for you. If you liked movies such as Uncle Sam, Frost or any other B-Movie that is similarly cheesy, then you will most likely enjoy Santa's Slay, too. If you are the type of person that finds faults in any movie and are hard to please, then skip it. It won't be worth your time. 6.5/10

A movie never meant to be taken seriously, but oh so enjoyable if you've a mind to. I mean, come on, GOLDBERG is SANTA!!! I f you're looking for a friendly, family-oriented Christmas movie, do NOT watch this. A carnage filled Christmas delight, though mostly oriented towards the "guy" movie type. Goldberg has some great one liners and I have to say that I look forward to seeing him in other films because of this one. An actor or a film that doesn't take itself too seriously is what we need more of these days. People take themselves too seriously. And apparently this is too short to post. Death. Mayhem. Santa. Satan's offspring.

It turns out there were 2 Immaculate Conceptions: One was Jesus and one was Santa Claus. One day, Santa loses a bet with an angel and must play nice for 1000 years (this part was told in stop motion animation). Well, his punishment is up and he's here to wreck havoc. Only an old inventor, his grandson "Nicholas Yuleson", and girlfriend "Mary" (played by Emilie de Ravin) can stop him.

This film takes a fun look at the Holidays with the blackest of black humor. It opens with Chris Kattan, Rebecca Gayheart, Fran Drescher, and James Caan getting slaughtered by Santa. There are countless of other cameos strewn throughout the movie. Oh, and did I mention that WWE wrestler Bill Goldberg is playing Santa and doing his own stunts? And that Brett Ratner (Rush Hour 1-3, X-Men 3) produced this?

There is much fun to be had here such as Santa beating up Christmas Carolers, kids running from Santa on snow mobiles, and a Jew holding up the Star of David to Santa (similar to a cross to a Vampire) in hopes his faith would save him. You will see a candy cane in the eye, a Christmas star in the back, Santa's sleigh getting valet parking, and some Ho-Ho-Hoes in stripper attire.

The production values were very high and it looks as though it was shot on 35mm. They had great props like a Santa's Slay driven by a yak/ buffalo (?). The sound varied a bit during dialogue-heavy and action-heavy scenes, which caused me to raise and then lower the volume a few times.

I only have two minor gripes. While there is a high body count, they skimp on the gore. The film overall is more comedic than scary, so Gorehounds will not be as amused.

Another thing was girlfriend Mary's personality inconsistencies. (Yes, I pay attention to character development even in horror films). They show her as a strong woman driving a big truck, shooting guns, and putting her boyfriend's hands on her breasts. But once Santa arrives, she can only whine about how scared she is. She even pulls out the Stupid Card by stopping dead in her tracks while in the middle of a getaway to talk to her boyfriend about her feelings.

Favorite Quote: A few good ones, but my favorite was when Nicholas shines a flashlight in Santa's eyes temporarily blinding him and Santa yells, "I'm Santa Claus, not f*cking Dracula!"

DVD Extras: Scene Selection, Audio Set Up, Deleted Scenes, Casting, "Taking the Reins" (Steiman's First Film), 2 Easter Eggs (one features 6 trailers), and of course Commentary with the Director and Producer. This explained how Goldberg met his wife. She was a stunt double for the trapeze stripper in pasties whose crotch his face was buried in for 4 days. Duh. How else would they have fallen in love?

Bottom Line: Good for some laughs, but minimal gores/sex. Best viewing with friends and beer.

Rating: 7/10

Molly Celaschi www.HorrorYearbook.com MySpace.com/HorrorYearbook

Well, the freaking Holidays are coming up again and, since you can't watch Dickens' "Christmas Carol" every damn year, the lowest shelf of your local videostore might offer some variety! This is where you're most likely to find "Santa's Slay"; a pleasantly deranged and hugely entertaining new horror comedy stuffed with season's beatings and blood-red nosed...buffaloes! As from Christmas 2005, Santa is no longer the chubby bringer of joy and presents, but once again the sadistic and HO-HO-HO-Horrendous offspring of Satan he was thousand years ago, until losing a bet against an good-hearted angel. After a couple of pointless but hilarious stops to slaughter annoying sitcom actors like Fran Drescher and Chris Kattan, the mad as hell Santa heads for the township of Hell (which really exists, only it's a Norway) to take revenge on the clever angel – who became human in the meantime – and his faggoty grandson. "Santa's Slay" is a very untraditional horror-holiday movie, with a really stupid plot and lousy gore effects, but you can't help laughing at wrestling legend Bill Goldberg in the role of baddest Santa. And even though he won't win any Academy Awards anytime soon, he's certainly a lot better/cooler than his colleague Hulk Hogan was in "Santa With Muscles". He and gorgeous Emilie De Ravin are the only cast members worth mentioning, by the way, as the male leads are embarrassingly weak. Especially that Douglas Smith boy! He's only fit to play the high-school nerd, but not as a battler against evil demons. "Santa's Slay" is an insignificant but FUN b-movie with some inventive killings, tongue-in-cheek humor, gorgeous strippers and exploding children! Enjoy.

I don't want to ruin it, this movie is horrible. The title should be your first clue. I myself am a fan of lame plot lines, so this movie is right up my alley. This is the best Santa movie i've seen since Santa Conquers the Martians, instant classic. ho ho ho Find this movie Watch this movie Enjoy the greatness that is this movie. You've seen the Miracle on 34th street, now see the Massacre on 35th street... Goldbergs best work since The Longest Yard.... well, not really, but its close. This movie is a guilty pleasure that can be enjoyed by the whole family, as long some humor is shared among all. You've seen the best, now see the worst

The movie isn't boring, that's for sure. Full of over-the-top action and cheesy evil laugh, Santa's Slay tells a tale of murderous Santa Claus demon (played by wrestler star Bill Goldberg) who was locked underground for a thousand years because he lost a curling match to an angel, but now he's back and he will skewer the Jewish, scorch the strippers, bomb the Christmas carolers and slaughter those who bicker at Christmas dinner.

I like some B-movies but mostly horror B-movies and this was aiming for 'funny', not 'scary', so it flew a bit off the mark for me. The special effects were laughable, as was the plot and the acting, so I sure got a lot of laughs out of the movie, but it doesn't really offer rewatchability. Plus, I'm not a wrestling fan.

I can appreciate why the movie has its fans but I expect that even the most loyal fan will concede that it's a movie that's not for everybody.

this movie was funny.............. for about the length of the opening sequence. After this it is just plotting to put Mr Goldberg in positions to exploit his wrestling maneuver's. God knows that is the only thing he has to offer here as the big lug sure as hell can't act. Not as funny as it should have been. There is no redemption in porn, just satisfaction that sex is very subjective and knowledge u can get laid daily but apart from the hours it's a nasty nasty way to earn money. If God instilled self esteem in us all there would be no need for money. In saying this you are probably a slave to money and need it to get laid therefore an amateur porn star. Santas Slay sucks, avoid.

If the puppy-torturing, sexually frustrated kid from your 9th-grade class who used to draw pictures of his female classmates and teachers being murdered in various ways somehow grew up to produce or direct movies, this would be the result. "Santa's Slay" is billed on Spike TV as a "horror-comedy" which is their way of warning you that it will be neither scary nor funny. And sure enough, it fails to be anything at all redeeming.

I not only stopped watching long before it finished-ignoring the sinister urge to keep looking at this twisted wreck of a movie- but I actually felt a twinge of deep sorrow that the human race could produce a movie like this, and some people would actually like it. (Granted-mostly drunken, jobless potential rapists who live in their parents' basements, but people, nonetheless.)

The fact that "Santa's Slay" (even the title is a lame pun) doesn't "take itself seriously" doesn't make it clever. This movie knows it sucks. It only hopes that if it pretends not to care that it sucks, you won't care either. The acting is horrible, as you'd expect. The premise itself isn't horrible, but that means nothing if the movie itself is absolute garbage.

There is nothing and no one to care about in this film. It's pure nihilist, pointless hatred. This movie hates everyone- Christians, young people, old people, women, children, even itself. The opening sequence presents an unpleasant, materialistic family (shame on you, James Caan!) then expects the audience to take pleasure in watching Santa Clause barge in and murder them in gruesome ways (burning one girl's hair off down to her charred red scalp, then dunking her in eggnog), while happy Christmas music plays. Get the joke? The music is happy, but UNHAPPY things are happening! Oh, the irony!

Listen, crappy movie-director: just because people are unpleasant doesn't mean we want to watch them brutally murdered in supposedly amusing and corny ways. Well, maybe you do, but you probably used to torture puppies.

"Santa's Slay" is actually worse than "Manos: the Hands of Fate" if only because "Manos" didn't have the luxury of a big budget and some name actors. Not only a waste of time- a waste of life.

Only surpassed as a Christmas dark comedy by "Bad Santa", "Santa's Slay" is still a great runner up. The opening scene, crammed with name actors is terrific. A family consisting of Fran Drescher, Chris Kattan, and James Cahn, among others, has just finished their Christmas dinner, thanking the "Almighty" for not making them poor, when literally, Bill Goldberg busts from the fireplace as "Santa", and outrageous mayhem ensues. Thus the tone is set for this over the top "black comedy". Robert Culp plays an eccentric Grandfather, who does curling battle with "Santa", in an effort to end the reign of "yule tide fear". The movie does slowly slide downhill, and one of the leads, Douglas Smith, is marginal at best, but "Santa's Slay" is still highly recommended for those who like their Christmas comedy on the dark side. - MERK

So it turns out that Santa was originally a demon given birth by a virgin impregnated by Satan himself. But he got captured and forced to obey a geas after he lost a curling match against an angel. Yes, a curling match. But now the time is up and it's time for Santa to be unleashed once more.

And you know what, that could be fun. Crazy Santa walking around just slaughtering people in holiday themed ways. Blood, guts and violence galore in the best B-movie manner. And the movie certainly tries. But it just doesn't have the spirit to pull it off. It feels more tedious than fun. The gore isn't particularly memorable, the Santa is pretty forgettable (which should be an impossibility), the supporting cast is even duller and there just isn't enough blood and excitement.

The hard fact is that I fell asleep while watching this film. I had to rewatch the ending the next day. And if you have a film where a demonic Santa slaughters people while screaming Ho-ho-ho! at the top of his lungs, and you still manage to fall asleep, there's something wrong with the film.

I shall forget this film.

"Santa's Slay" is what you call a disease. This movie can't say was made for money because who will pay to watch this kind of crap. I specially don't think so.

If you think this is a comedy you be totally wrong.Let's imagine Santa comes in your house and blows your brains out....."hilarious", no?.This is more like an abomination, so don't bother yourself watching it.

If you believe it's some kind of horror or thriller.....hmm let's say , for example, when you look at a Stephen King movie.....that's horror!!

If you ask me why I vote for 1 on this movie, is because it didn't have 0 so I'm sorry but this kind of cheap movies deserves 0 and no more than that.

Anyway this movie wasn't made for winning Oscars but not for children either, because when you take your kid to the cinema to watch "Santa's Slay" he will not understand that the movie is a bad "comedy" especially when your kid is young and still believes in Santa and you might here your child say "Dad, will Santa come and blow my brains out?".So remember don't feed your kids movies like this, will mess up their brains.Better tell them to read a book.

Enough for this "movie" because are other worse than this but.....other far more better.

With respect,

Sierdunn

He's making a list... pray you're not on it.

7.5/10 Hahaha! I love it, I love it! Wow. What a film. The kills were all top notch. The script was funny, the acting was good. But the best of the entire film was the opening scene, where Santa Slays a few famous Cameos (James Caan, Rebecca Gayheart, Chris Kattan, and Fran Drescher) in very unique ways (Turkey leg, Christmas tree Star, fire, egg nog, and a dog's bed) Then the rest of the film follows in that feeling, but it does go slightly downhill from scene to scene. Emilie de Ravin does a great job once again after being in the Carrie and THHE remakes and for a first-timer, Writer-Director David Steiman (Yes, a mostly Jewish cast) did GREAT.

So I highly recommend this for you fun, beer-guzzling type movie watchers.

One of the greatest Christmas movies EVER! Up there with Scrooged and Die Hard. I rented this film with my buddies on a lark. We were expecting to laugh at how bad it was but we were amazed to find that we were actually laughing at all the right parts. Actually we were laughing the entire way through. We kept having to ask each other what that last line of dialog was because we missed it. Great gags, some fantastic cameos, and a Jewish wrestler playing Santa Claus.

I'd only hold two things against it, those being: (1) the lead actor (Douglas Smith) - he was a little weak and (2)the CG could've benefited from some more expense. Otherwise this is a brilliant film. Santa's Slay is the first film to honor the truly great sport of curling. A flying bison, Goldberg, strippers, and Caulk jokes. Plus swearing children and swearing old ladies. A new holiday tradition.

OK, this isn't the worst movie I've ever seen. You can't hate a movie that's SUPPOSED to be terrible. But it's still pretty hard to sit through.

I will say that it has an interesting cast... Chris Kattan, Fran Drescher, Dave Thomas (from SCTV), and.... James Caan!? Bill Goldberg is hilarious as a demented Santa, too. But Douglas Smith... oh my God, I've NEVER seen acting this bad, not even in "Mosquito." I'm guessing the director told him to gesture a lot and he took it way too far, because it looks like he's having an epilectic seizure in every scene. Calm down, Doug.

This movie also has some of the worst lines I've ever heard. Even lines that are meant to be bad shouldn't be THIS bad. My favorite is when Doug gets hit in the head with a book, and in the next shot he's running down the hall and says, "Damn, that really hurt." OK, Doug, thanks for letting us know. Just when I'm getting over that line, his girlfriend says, "Quit taking the Lord's name in vain!" What!?

The camera work, special effects, and cast are good enough that you have to wonder why they squandered a decent budget on something like this. I think they were trying to make it a cult classic, but it'd take a Christmas miracle for that to happen.