'The Mystery Cruise' (2013)
Opening thoughts: Despite how this may sound, there is absolutely no personal bias against the Hallmark Movies and Mysteries films. And this reviewer was certainly not expecting to hate 'The Mystery Cruise' from the get go. Have actually been pleasantly surprised by quite a number of Movies and Mysteries films, particularly the more recent films, and absolutely loved the premise and its potential mix of 'Clue' (one of my favourites) and Agatha Christie (my favourite author).
'The Mystery Cruise' just didn't deliver on most levels. Actually failing terribly on the most crucial areas. It is not quite one of the worst Hallmark Movies and Mysteries films, as nothing here actually insulted my intelligence like too many of the later ones have. But considering how great the premise was and as someone who has always loved the mystery genre, it is up there with the biggest missed opportunities with more bad things than good. Not a complete waste, but not good at all.
Good things: Did think that there were good things here. Larry Miller is dependably solid in his role, it is not an unfamiliar type of role for him (can understand where a previous reviewer is coming from when saying it would have been even more impressive if he playes against type) but he plays it with real engaging preaence and is the only actor who seems to know what sort of film he is in.
Also thought that some of the scenery and lighting was suitably moody and atmospheric.
Bad things: Nothing else works sadly. The rest of the actors go through the motions and generate very little personality or ease. The two leads look bored and their chemistry is disconnected. Didn't care for any of the characters, who are little more than severely under-developed genre archetypes wandering in and out. They are also so poorly introduced that most of the first third was spent trying to find out who was who.
Moreover, 'The Mystery Cruise' is very unimaginatively shot, indifferently directed (indicative of inexperience or someone not hugely familiar with the genre) and the choppy editing gives a confusingly choppy sensation. The script is mundane at best and doesn't flow very well, some of the latter parts on the melodramatic side and the attempts at cuteness and light-hearted-ness mostly felt out of place. The story jumps around a lot, takes a while to get going, plods in pace, lacks severely suspense and has too many turns that are predictable and under-explained. The beginning is one of the worst for any film seen in a long time, not just confusing but actually incoherent and reminiscent of a defective DVD skipping constantly, which made the film feel constantly choppy and incomplete.
Closing thoughts: Overall, very weak and underwhelming.
3/10.
