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DanTheMan16
Reviews
The Hot Chick (2002)
Rob Schnider + Panties = Very Bad Movie
This was the worst Rob Schnider movie to date, although the others were not that good either. There are some minor SPOILERS ahead so if you do not want to know anymore, stop here.
The best parts of this film were the all of the scenes that did not have Rob Schnider in them. He was so unentertaining that I reverted to counting the number of time the crowd laughed while Rob Schnider was on screen. Unfortunatly, that got boring too because I did not got into double digits until 47 minutes after I started my "fun" little game. The funniest character in the movie was Ling Ling's mom. She was hilarious! When she said "Ling Ling, you forgot your Bling Bling!", I almost fell out of my chair laughing. And when she followed that up by saying, "Niggra Please!", I finally felt that I got my money's worth. But when she left in the car with the hydrolics, I think that was the first, last, and only time everybody in the theater laughed at the same time.
When somebody is not good at something, a wiity, sarcastic comment would be, "Don't quit your day job." Well Rob Schnider sucks at his "day job" and if he cared about the quality of the human race and the movie industry, he would quit this day job because he has really stunk up the joint in his last couple films; its been all downhill for Rob ever since he was in "Home Alone 2". He just is not funny, in any form of the word. He has not gotten a laugh out of me since he told Nicky to cover Winkler in bees in "Little Nicky", and that was not even his movie!
Do yourself a favor and do not see this Schnider movie. On second thought, do not see this one, any before this one, or any he might make after this one. Please, spare yourselves the agony!!!
Friday After Next (2002)
Waste of my Friday
If you thought they were going to break out of the same old routine and come up with some new material, think again. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone: Different 'Friday's, same everything else. Something original would have been appreciated, along with some REAL actors with some sort of noticable talent. They have all been getting worse (believe it or not, that is possible ) as this series has progressed. This was simply bad, there is no nice way of getting around it. I would not recommend seeing this "film".
Ghost Ship (2002)
Where is an iceberg when you need it?
The tagline to this movie was "Sea Evil". I don't know about "evil", but I know I saw a very terrible film. I was very close to getting up and walking out of the theater, but the mere fact that I actually paid money to see this made me feel obligated to suffer through my poor investment. I really wanted to see it, but after five minutes, I found myself praying for some sort of natural disaster that would engulf the entire cast before the sorry plot could attempt to develop further in the realm of stupidity. I do not believe ghosts are out there, but I do believe this planet would be a better place if 'Ghost Ship' did not exist.
Ski School 2 (1994)
I've seen worse
The movie was not that bad, but it also was not that good either. It had its funny moments, but then again, it also had some parts where the sense-of-humor had me wincing in pain. Only one thing remained consistant throughout the entire film... the size of Dean Camroon's eyebrows!!! WOW!! Did you see how big they were? He should definatly do something about that. I heard a small child was lost in those things for two days!! Anyway, this is only a mediocare movie... so see it at your own risk. If you chose to see it, remember, BEWARE OF THE EYEBROWS!!!
Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
Terrible Terrible Terrible!!!
Why would anybody pay to see this? I know I didn't and I still feel robbed. This was, without doubt, the worst attempt at making a movie in the history of movie-making. I rated this film a "1" because I could figure out a way to give it a zero!! Yes, it is that bad! Aside from it being poorly scripted and it being drowned in Tom Green's stupidity, most of the scenes were quite repulsive and incredibly pointless... just like the entire movie! If have had the pleasure of not enduring this catastrophe yet, please do not even entertain the thought of eventually seeing it.
Beneath Loch Ness (2001)
This movie should hide in the lake with the monster.
This was easily one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Forget the fact that the storyline was absolutly pathetic, the acting was ten times worse! How about those accents? Whatever they were, they certainly were not Scottish. The special effects were equally terrible, espcially the "underwater" shots, which look like they were made in an ordinary dark, smokey room. If you have yet to see this film, do yourself a favor and do not even consider renting it. For the unfortunate ones out there who have seen this, I feel your pain.
Jason X (2001)
What did we do to deserve this?
The worst concept of movie-making in action: The head of a movie franchise says, "Well, we have done everything possible with this killing psycho in the previous nine movies, so it is time to call it quits..." Then, a voice from the back of the room quietly says, "Lets send him to OUTER SPACE!!!"... and presto!! What we have is this sorry catagory of movies that includes "Critters 4" and is culminated in the awfulness that we call "Jason X".
The following sections of writing contains some SPOILERS! Yes, I said SPOILERS! So if you have yet to see this movie, and for some very sick reason you plan on watching the "horror", please stop reading here because there are SPOILERS ahead.
To me, there were only three slightly entertaining parts to the entire movie: 1- the opening violence seen where he brakes loose and goes on the best all-round rampage of the whole move. 2- the part where he kills the doctor that was restoring him. When Jason put her head in the liquid nitrogen type substance and then preceeded to smash her frozen face on the table only to have it completely shatter, I thought that was the best use of gore in the film. 3- the sleeping bag scene. That was absolutely the funnist part of the movie, I fell over laughing. It was great, but it did not happen often enough to make "Jason X" worth seeing again because there were to many logical mistakes to not get upset with.
Like:
First of all, the whole "field trip to Earth 1" is as dumb an idea as anybody with 14 braincells could come up with. Then, what do you think the odds are that the "field trip" happened to discover, of all things possible, the cryogenically frozen remains of Jason. So what do you think they do? A - leave the frozen man alone. or B - take him aboard their spaceship. Guess what? They thought no harm in choice B. Once on the ship, they actually run a DNA test and discover they identity of the ice man as Jason... and they defrost and reanimate him ANYWAY!! How stupid could they be? What did they expect? It does not matter because those idiots died the aweful deaths they deserved. Then, why not end this terrible movie with such a ridiculous finale that it leaves normal people cursing at the director? Once half of the ship blows up and Jason is floating in space, with NO OXYGEN might I add, he is somehow making his way toward the remaining part of the ship with the survivors, when he is just about to come in contact with the ship, a soldier that Jason maimed comes floating from Jason's side, also WITHOUT OXYGEN, and tackles him into the atmosphere where everything burns up EXCEPT the Mask.
To summerize, the 11 entertaining minutes of the movie are not even close to making up for the rest of this disasterous project. All things said and done, please, I beg of you, DO NOT SEE "JASON X" EVER!!!!!!
Python (2000)
Amazingly Below Average
Although not as bad as Beneath Loch Ness, this one should not be near the top of anybody's favorite list. The lack of quality acting in scenes containing Casper Van Dien was painfully obvious, and his accent was even worse! What was that!? Seven of my friends and I tried to figure it out, and we came up with 13 different possible accents of origin. Enough about that, can anybody explain how that monsterous snake was able to hide in a small enclosed area at one point in the movie? The laws of physics were completely thrown out the window for that scene. Speaking of throwing things out of windows, that is what I suggest you do if for some reason you own this movie. Find a tall building, go to the top floor and throw it out faster than the makers of Python did to the rules on how to make a worthwhile film.