TdSmth5

In the beginning we see some people being interviewed for some dance job. They're asked about dancing, about their ambitions, and most importantly, whether they are willing to do whatever it takes to succeed. This takes a while because so many people are interviewed. But we don't see this directly rather through an old CRT TV. There are books to the left of the TV and VHS tapes to the right, the most recognizable: Suspiria.

Then we see the entire dance troop, apparently everyone got hired, rehearsing their routine. The dancing isn't particularly impressive, we get a bit of everything from ribbon dancing to slam. Fortunately as a European movie we get some good electronic music. Once the rehearsal is finished, there's food and sangria and they party/hang out. We hear some lame conversations and learn insignificant things about some of these people, the majority of whom are unattractive. The name that most often comes up is one Selva (jungle in Spanish) played by the unappealing Sofia Boutella.

Then they start dancing individually with everyone else surrounding the dancer. Here the camera is on top. A dumb move that doesn't let you see the dancing, which gets progressively more frenetic and ends almost in a mosh pit. Next everyone starts screaming and acting up and all weird. They realize that the sangria has been laced with LSD (?). They blame a Muslim guy who doesn't drink and therefore is alright and kick him out.

Things do advance a step in terms of what we learned about the characters while they are all drugged. Nothing particularly interesting or extreme. At this point the camera is upside down and close to the ground traveling through the bodies. Coloring has turned black and red--as in the climax of Suspiria.

Next day some guys arrive and walk through the building finding our troupe in various states of intoxication. One isn't alive. And there's a revelation about who put the LSD in the sangria.

At best this movie is a whodunit. Except, who cares. There's no effort to get us to care. Nothing interesting goes on. Despite the two cinematographic curiosities: the camera on top, the upside down camera close to the ground, the whole movie is flat and dull. No character stands out or matters particularly. There was opportunity to give us some extreme and shocking developments, but Noe oddly enough doesn't quite go there. There could have been sex and nudity. But we barely get that. I take it Suspiria was the inspiration for this mess, but it doesn't do it any favors or justice.

So Texas and California have joined to secede from the US. Florida is also involved somehow. Things have gotten violent. Recordings of the president are aired over the radio.

What better approach to tell this story than from the perspective of...press photographers? Yup, that's what Garland has figured for no good reason.

So we get an unrecognizable Dunst, Moura who still can't act in English, Garland favorite Harrison who doesn't do much of anything here, and the cute Spaeny, an aspiring photographer who looks like she's 12.

They decide to make the trip of several hundred miles to DC to interview the president, assuming he's still around since he hasn't been seen in a while.

What do our lame press folk come across? Not much. A short firefight between secessionists against the army, where the army loses. A group of secessionists torturing thieves. A sniper team trying to take out a sniper holed up in a mansion. A group of unidentified soldiers end up killing some press friends of our group for no reason.

Eventually the gang makes it to DC where the battle is more serious and the secessionists are successfully making their way to the White House with our goofs in tow.

All this may sound somewhat interesting. But it's not, at all. I like Garland's work up to now. He always gives you something to think about. But not here. As all reviews point out, this movie is pointless, empty, devoid of message, and doesn't even try to provoke thought. There's no character development. Obviously you're not going to root for the press, especially not these clowns. Acting is mostly poor. Not much happens. The odd thing is that even the critical reviews give this movie an undeserving average score of around 6. This movie is just bad. I give it one start for the lovely Spaeny and one for the fact that somehow the movie isn't entirely unwatchable. But you sure don't get your time's worth here.

It almost feels like this movie was forced on Garland and he took revenge by making a complete dud. Or some marketing genius decided to call this movie "Civil War" even though civil war is that last thing this movie is about. Don't waste your time.