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talllwoood13
Reviews
Afro Samurai: Resurrection (2009)
afro samurai: Regurgitation
As usual the ending was terrible, not as bad as the TV mini series but still awful. It's like they ran out of money and the final fight as cool of a concept it is for the fans of the series it would be like seeing a UFC fight that lasts under 2 minutes and yet people paid top dollar for the pay per view or to go see it in person. They even tried to add some more back story to it which was great as well as hoping for another sequel that thankfully never happened (yet).
There was a bit of character development with afro samurai, he's older, his blade isn't as sharp as it once was after, the first bit of the movie he isn't even killing people which was a unique angle and he lost the #1 headband without dying as he doesn't care because he had revenge. Then again to call Afro Samurai anything besides one dimensional would be insulting. They just took stereotypes from everywhere they could to make him. You can get a first grader to count how many lines he says in a movie. No Brantley, it's not ten two, it's twelve, yes Brantley, say it with me! Twelve! Were they paying Samuel L. Jackson by the line in his deeper less comical voice? The warrior who ends up with the #2 headband was just dull, There was barely anything memorable about him. The fight stretched on too long where the animation department had too much control and more than likely wasted too much of the budget. My issue is they spent too much time running around breaking stuff for that scene. How they started this sequel could have been done better, One of the only cool things they did was the addition of all the dead former friends of Afro growing and getting their revenge on him. Though I felt the addition of whatever Lucy Liu's characters name was, was kind of lazy. Her voice was well cast. She could convey the emotions and breathe life into the character. It wasn't like someone in a Steven Seagal movie I should have watched instead. Now if the warrior with the #2 headband wasn't there, or given way less screen time and there was more of an emphasis on the former friends of afro, who knows, I may have enjoyed this more as it's about an hour in that we see them. Or a second showdown with his former swordmaster who was given back his #2 headband by Lucy's character and then like in countless kung fu movies and video games such as double dragon 1 on nintendo, the final boss would be afro's father.
Would I watch this again? Well, it's got a 3 star so not in a million years. I'd say quit while they are ahead but they didn't. This just seemed like a soulless cash grab.
Afro Samurai (2007)
good but it went downhill fast
The art style, the atmosphere, soundtrack and everything this series went for was incredible. I recently watched this series for the first time since it was released and for the most part it holds up. The animation is solid, the blood and gore were done well. However, I can understand why they never did a full series or went beyond the mini series. I'll happily give this a 6.5 out of 10, there are way worse things to watch anime wise. Ever see the one the boy is bad at collecting what feels like an infinite amount of these things called pocket monsters? .
The plot is simple, the concept of the headbands was quite unique. Then again this is one of VERY few animes I actually enjoyed watching more a few episodes. I'm sure there may be others with a similar idea. How they added back story to Afro Samurai throughout the episodes was done really well. You can count how many words afro says on hand, the imaginary friend route which reminds me of the game "The Darkness 2" which came out years later but Afro himself reminded me of the tv series Ray Donovan, how little Liev Schreiber said in season 1. I honestly would have just made this into a movie and called it a day as I feel if they cut certain filler scenes out they could have gotten to that hour and a half or 2 hour run time. Another complaint is how Afro samurai chain smokes "jazz cigarettes". Did the animators not know what else to do with his hands?
Sure there was only 5 episodes for this mini series but he just plowed through almost everyone effortlessly I know he's supposed to be "The best" but at least have some extra bit of fight with some of them. He was like Bruce Lee in the extremely over rated enter the dragon and I felt the final two battles were a bit lazy. One sets up a potential sequel, which, there is another movie after so it makes sense. The other was just lazy for how the final enemy afro defeats dies. How he can regrow limbs and the attack goes through his afro and doesn't kill him.
I don't know though, my big complaint was how the swordmaster or afro samurai would both be on the verge of dying and still clutch their swords and happily take on another enemy. Yet a modern day boxing match they train for months and there isn't a single scratch or bruise on them when they fight. I'd rather see two people fight at their best. It doesn't show strength or anything to me when one is half dead or badly beaten. I feel if this was a 10-20 episode anime they could have gotten the old guys with the numbers on them to have a bit more spotlight each as they blended together.
I did enjoy this, I'd rate it higher but yeah, the plot! The plot brought it down. It's about as complex as an adult movie.
Rampage: Capital Punishment (2014)
a slight improvement
I was not expecting much as the other movie was more the less shock factor. I figured I'd turn it on and essentially see what they were going to get away with. However this movie had a more realistic plot with the rise of social media and even tried to expand upon certain stuff from the other movie. Brenden improved greatly as an actor in this, as a bad guy in this he could be terrifying. Dare I say comparable to the Joker in the over rated Dark Knight with Heath Ledger. How he delivered his lines, his enthusiasm and any small details you can tell how much he dedicated himself to this character.
As preachy as this one could be at least the lead actor wasn't a lame or came off as this pretentious 20 something year old whining like it was in Fight Club. If anything mix Fight Club with Airheads from 1994 and you've got this movie. Of the three I'd rather watch this.
The ending was so much better in this movie and I'm curious to see how part 3 goes as they did it in such a way anything is possible.
Rampage (2009)
6.5 out of 10
I wasn't expecting much especially with how many bad movies the director of this has made. However this wasn't bad, it's like a falling down style movie the one with Michael Douglas but they are pushing the envelope even further. The way Superbad did compared to the over rated American Pie, how Superbad is done so well you don't even want to watch American pie aside from that legendary scene.
I'd LOVE to rate this higher because the lead is cast so well and there's serious potential but the dialogue between action scenes could have been improved. As bad as it sounds it could have been a bit more personal for the character and they could have built it up a bit better. Plus the ending could be better. Obviously they wanted a sequel and to do a movie where the bad guy prevails. I get that, it's going against the grain for what most Hollywood movies do but how it just ends is kind of lazy like they ran out of money or had no other way to make this into a sequel.
I'm surprised that the "hero" of the movie wasn't covered in bruises from taking a few shots from police with his makeshift body armor.
Would I watch this again? With the right people absolutely.
The Righteous Gemstones (2019)
over rated
Danny Mcbride can be hilarious. I was a big fan of Eastbound And Down. He played the character perfectly but I honestly don't see the appeal of this, it's just a bunch of corrupt hypocritical preachers who go around in expensive cars and live in nice houses. After watching 4 episodes of it, I just had to give up. I didn't laugh once. The plot twists if we can even call them that were weak. There is no character development, they didn't do anything over the top or silly enough where if I watched this on a weekly bases I would want to tune in again. Danny Mcbride looks like Conway Twitty.which I'm sure has to be intentional.
The cast is forgetful and I feel they could have done a better job.
Kill'em All 2 (2024)
better than his last few movies
I BARELY remember Kill'em All 1, however this is a huge step in the right direction and is easily one of JCVD's best movies he's done in years. His last movie he just mumbled through monologues. The last movie I liked him in was Pound Of Flesh or Six Bullets.
The scenery is good, there was some good shots with drones and the movie clearly had somewhat of a budget. The bad guy was a bit mediocre how poorly he was cast. I'll remember the blonde he was with more than anything as most women would kill'em all for her hair. Bad jokes aside.
The fight scenes looked solid, however, the cuts between hits made it seem like they were trying for a PG13 rating and it took away from the action. The plot is an amalgamation of other movies you may have seen. Something from the Taken Franchise, mix in a double crossing heist among others. Of course it involves crapto,,. I mean Crypto. I liked the long lost daughter angle they used as the actress worked. It was interesting seeing JCVD so some borderline UFC like techniques too. The ending was satisfying and it will stand out against the many other movies he's done. Peter Stormare is a universal treasure too. Movies aren't the same without him.
I don't think this deserves the 3 point whatever star as there are far worse movies JCVD has done. I'd watch this again no problem if I was bored.
Dragon Fire (1993)
embarassingly bad
This was such a dull movie, they shot it at night for 90% of it. Almost this blade runner like feel it seemed someone wanted. This whole futuristic approach was unnecessary. The story is dull and uninspired, the twists and ending you can see a mile away and that last fight in it it so boring and poorly choreographed.
There isn't a single actor in this that I'll remember. The casting of the lead and the guy who trains the lead actor were really poor choices. Most of the movie felt they were fighting in raves with strobe lights and there was way too many strip club like scenes to keep the 5 or so people who watched this interested. Even Steven Seagal would tell them to calm down.
Did this movie make money? I watched it for free and still feel ripped off.
Killing Streets (1991)
Silly but fun 6 / 10
I go into these not expecting to watch a great movie. With this film it surprised me. It's not a masterpiece but I enjoyed it more than I feel I should have. Imagine if you took a twin movie such as Double Impact with JCVD, had a lead who has that Dolph Lundgren style mannerisms and line delivery and somehow mixed elements of Rambo 2, 3 and Lionheart into a movie and this would be it. The highlight to this is Lorenzo's awful southern accent. He could have done the role in his regular speaking voice no problem but I guess enough Columbian nose candy and anything is a good idea. I love movies of this era because of those .... umm ... artistic decisions.
One of the producers is behind classics such as Cobra with Sylvester Stallone, Over The Top, Cyborg and so forth so you know you're in for a treat and sure enough I burst out laughing at a few scenes for how over acted they were.
I'll say one thing though the bad guy did a fantastic job. His cause had a purpose. Not just that he's bad because he's bad. He has this cold, yet calculated quality to him. Surprisingly he reminds me of Hans Gruber which is the bad guy from Die Hard 1. He has this almost James Bond villain quality to him.
The plot is really silly, heavily relying on that whole "Twin thing' where one gets hurt the other cries. Somehow this basketball coach (seriously) flies to a very dangerous country to rescue his brother. I'll tell you this much though. I've yet to meet a basketball coach or had a gym teacher who is that muscular. Mine were skinny and all looked like they had drinking problems. Somehow he's able to track his brother down with this twin connection with the help of some taxi driver he befriends. The taxi driver looks old enough to be the main characters father but I bet this movie was the best time the actor ever had. There's quite a lot of explosions,
If you want a fun and silly film similar to Showdown In Little Tokyo with Dolph Lundgren to watch, this is it.
Gladiator Cop (1995)
gladiator plop
Well, if you've ever wondered what Lionheart with JCVD would be like with swords and a very forgettable plot and the "hero" being in maybe 35-40% of the movie maximum this is it. This should never have been made. The movie has a good bad guy for the last fight but aside from that it's mostly just guys going around playing dress up, swinging a sword.
Lorenzo not having the sword in most of the movie and the mili and vanili.reject guy going around winning some old guy money gets kind of boring. Though the old Asian man and his ambition to want to beat Alexander The Great was kind of interesting but they shoehorned it in so late to the movie that I didn't care.
Pretend this sequel never existed.
Dreamcatcher (2003)
boredom maker
As usual for a Stephen King movie it's way too long, that's my first complaint. There's some actual actors that have been in other shows and movies but either the plot or the crew who put this movie together weren't up to par for a film adaptation.
You can cut over half of this movie down and you still wouldn't miss a thing. The only thing exciting is either the toilet scene or the last 10-15 minutes of the movie. What they are fighting against is one cliche on top of another. The jump scares are weak. At least one of the annoying characters who had a hit TV show in the mid 2000s isn't in the entire movie so there's that.
I'll probably forget I watched this in a week, though this movie had a budget some film producers would kill for, this is such a bad movie, it's not even so bad it's good. It's just bad.
The Swordsman (1992)
Lorenzo has done worst
With the right cast where we don't just have Lorenzo and the pretty female lead this may have worked out better as the plot is enjoyable, not award winning by any means but I enjoyed this more than the Highlander movie with Sean Connery in it.
The whole time I'm watching this I kept wondering if Lorenzo's hair was as long as the character, if anything it kept giving me Samurai Cop type flashbacks. Though this is a far superior movie to that too.
One thing I didn't care for was the bad guy in it. It makes sense at the end but I felt they could have cast someone more menacing. If you're into low budget 90s films or martial arts films where the plot isn't complex and there's a decent amount of action you may enjoy this. At best this is a typical Lorenzo Lamas 5.5 out of 10.
Soldiers of Fortune (2012)
Better than I expected 6.5 / 10
I went into this movie blind, as in not knowing what to expect. I was pleasantly surprised, if you're a fan of the TV series Archer and ever wondered what it may look like if Slater had his own episode this would be it. The premise worked quite well on this, though is it the greatest movie I've ever seen? Not by a long shot.
Aside from Christian Slater who was really well cast without any doubt Ving was a favorite of mine, how silly and over the top he was. Unlike certain cast members of this movie you'll remember him "THE GRIM REAPER ALWAYS GETS PAID!" where as some of them just blend in where you may forget they were in it.
The scenery was diverse, there were ulterior motives from other characters in the movie and how they handle certain situations was belivable. The only issue is that the movie just quickly ends. It's not Sopranos last episode bad or the Gerard Butler movie "Machine Gun Preacher"
Id this the most thought provoking or original movie ever? No but I enjoyed this enough for a second watch.
Limitless (2011)
one of the better movies I've seen in a while
I remember seeing this in theaters and really enjoyed it, unlike a lot of movies I've come to revisit this movie holds up surprisingly well. The comparison I keep making is to the extremely over rated movie "Fight Club" with Brad Pitt and Edward Norton. However this movie is done in such a way with a far superior lead actor and directorr who get it. The premise is so simple but how they handle it you can tell a lot of thought was put into this.
The lead actor is relatable. He's not trying to be cool, funny and certainly doesn't come off as obnoxious or lame. This role suits Bradley Cooper so well. I like a lot more than the Hangover movies. As the movie progresses you feel like you're him, you root for him as if it's you. You watch him grow as a person, gaining confidence which is possibly the Fight Club reference to taking command and doing it so well. I'm sure many of us would have done the same with this new found power. The bad guy in this movie is believable as well, he's not over the top but you can absolutely see someone like him as a loan shark who is capable of what he does in the movie. Robert De Niro I usually don't care for and, yes, I've seen Goodfellas and Heat (1995 with Al Pacino), he's not that great of an actor but he played his role well as a Wallstreet executive who people fear and would absolutely treat people the way he does.
Why not a perfect 10? I didn't think he had anywhere near enough pills to make the last half of the movie work. In particular there was a scene where he even said to a guy when it felt like he had very few pills left that he'd be able to survive long enough after he paid the chemist to reverse engineer and make the new batch of pills. That and the fight scene in the penthouse, though it kind of worked and the actors are far from action movie stars and kung fu masters but that was the only two things I didn't care for. Either way I'd absolutely watch it again if friends were over.
American Wedding (2003)
Absolutely unnecessary
If you've ever seen Cheech And Chong's second movie where pretty much the whole focus is just on Cheech Marin and his awful Texan character he's portraying throughout a majority of it. This is pretty much that, they rely WAY too heavily on Stiffler being as obnoxious and unlikable as possible. Yet somehow no matter how badly he messes up he keeps finding ways to redeem himself to the point it becomes unbelievable as you slog through this awful movie. It's like Seann was told to act like Jim Carey. How boring most of the characters are I guess they needed someone like Stiffler in there, otherwise this would have been way too dull. They could have done a bachelor party for Michelle, they could have done all kinds of other scenes instead. You can tell this movie didn't have a high enough budget as it probably needed to make this happen.
The poorly written script that seems like a sheltered person who has never been out much to places such as gay bars. The actor(s) from the original two movies who never bothered showing up to this movie have no idea the bullet they dodged missing out on this awful movie. The only actor who somewhat improved is Michelle, besides that we have Jim who is the same awkward and plain, boring every man. The other two friends are just... there.
The chocolate truffle scene is the only thing close to funny in this. The scene involving exotic dancers is just painfully bad. I couldn't wait for this movie to be over and like the first movie the film score is awful for the licensed music. Without a doubt this is the worst one in the trilogy.
American Pie 2 (2001)
Moldy Pie - 3 / 10
I'll start off by saying the first one was mediocre, done with the right cast it could have been way funnier. Without any doubt it's influential to pop culture and paved the way for better movies to come out. However.. this film just seems rushed like the second and to me anyways arguably better Scary Movie which I'm referring to the second one. They rehashed so much of the plot in the first movie for the fans of the first one to the point you almost didn't need to see it. In fact this movie really reminds me of Home Alone 2 how it's practically just a different setting and a VERY similar story. Of the three sequels this is the one I'd watch and certainly recommend last. The only way this movie really improved was the music score had everything from Alien Ant Farm, Sum 41, Weezer and other big hits from the early 2000s instead of that garbage college rock.
The "Warm champagne" scene, one involving super glue and of course the.two girls and everyone tuned into the same walkie talkie frequency are the only two stand out moments I'll remember.
There was some laziness and stuff that wouldn't happen in a million years such as the angle with the "band camp girl" and of course what they do with Nadia. Also Shawnn William Scott is still a horrible actor who is absolutely unnecessary, they just shoe horned him into this train wreck. Dare I say I liked the sherminator more.
If you're here for a story, this isn't for you, most of the group of guys, nothing happens to really develop their characters and we were better off just imagined our own sequel instead of what we were given.
American Pie (1999)
awful pie - 3.5 / 10
This movie may have been ground breaking back in 1999 but Superbad took this formula and made it better in every perceivable way. More memorable and better characters instead of a virage of stereotypes. Alright what could have been done better. Really everything but let's start!
The film score was awful, mostly this awful college rock music and hearing the audio sand paper that is Bare Naked Ladies band, they make Nickleback another Canadian import sound like Mozart. We've got some of the most forgetful main characters to ever be filmed which only a handful of actors from this movie who had careers after. Shannon Elizabeth, though she's no 10/10 but she's prettier than the girls I went to school with, she's in it. There was also the woman from Orange Is The New Black and the girl from Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
With the casting of the movie they seemed all over the place, not just acting capability but ages! The main character was the definition of bland, The jock stereotype seemed like he was in his 30s when this movie was being filmed and they got him making out with the "choir girl" who looked late teens, early 20s, if he was any older he could have been cast as her father. Stifflers mom was not a milf, sorry, she was a GMILF which is the step above at best and trust me, this is not a complement, that's pity. She looked in her late 40s. It would have taken more than a glass or three of single malt for me to consider her good looking. I'm sure he cries and washes himself down there with a special type of soap for downstairs every now and then.
There's some serious potential to make this movie funnier than it was as I may have chuckled two or three times. It wasn't edgy enough, or the cast just couldn't deliver the jokes as well as others would have been able to. The pie scene is legendary, possibly the TV with the static channel and of course the glass of beer, aside from that I probably won't remember much of this movie. It's just a bunch of "high school" kids complaining that they haven't "scored" yet. Whoop dee doo! They all found their elaborate ways to do so. One stereotype convinces his girlfriend, another does the "nice guy" approach and for some reason it works, than our main character realizing he can't get or be with anyone else and doesn't want to be a loser goes for this awkward girl who I'm sure the director told her to pretend to be on that certain spectrum. However she had the last laugh as she used him as much as he used her. Truly Shakespear of the modern age!
It seemed everyone was trying to make Shawnn William Scott the next big thing and just like Justin Long in the mid 2000s, it never happened thankfully to either as he's just terrible, even when I clicked this movie to talk about my horrible experience watching it HOO HOO HOO... THERE HE IS!
The most unrealistic, never in a million years scene you'd hear from the pathological liar at school telling you in the back of the bus or on Windows Live about the exchange student came over and the webcam was involved.
Would I watch this again? Nope, is it a classic? Maybe back then. I mean there are serious fans of the Blair Witch Project and Fight Club which the main character in fight club is just as forgetful and whines just as much.
The Ultimate Weapon (1998)
the boring movie
Although there is plot and I did finish it, it's still a bad movie. It's not even so bad it's good territory. No Holds Barred is the one you should have watched instead! This would be Hulk's 9th movie as a leading actor. You'd think he would have improved a bit but nope! Nothing original happens in this, you name the movie cliche it happens. The casting kind of works but the fact there are "IRA" members without thick Irish accents kind of removes some immersion. Hulk's sidekick reminds me of the movie Steven Seagal did called "Code Of Honor" in 2016 with Craig Sheffer.
The only highlight to this movie is where it becomes Rambo 1 where John Rambo is in the woods and a scene involving a motorcycle and a land mine of some sort.
Is this the worst movie a famous wrestler or fighter is in? No, that so far goes to a movie Tito Ortiz did called "Operation Black Ops" from 2023.
Hulk's hair style in this is atrocious. I understand he's some sort of soldier. I honestly didn't watch it enough to care and this is why he didn't have his signature bright colored bandana and skullet but the whole time I was in awe like the movies Jason Statham has where the makeup department put hair on his head.
This is one of those movies you could have on in the background and only take the odd glance or two at it and you'll do fine. This isn't a story of redemption, Hulk doesn't get captured or anything to give his character a third dimension. Nothing. You might as well watch a movie with The Rock or real actors like Steven Seagal or a newer JCVD movie instead.
Batman & Robin (1997)
better than Dark Knight
The only thing nice I can say about this is the look the director nailed as well as the makeup and costume department on Mr. Freeze but besides that it seems like everything else didn't get the attention it should have. Poison Ivy's outfit just looks lazily slapped together, as if some moderately attractive, yes even in Uma's prime decided to go out trick or treating. Or thought they were pretty enough to cosplay at a convention on a shoe string budget. It's hard to unsee Arnold as Mr. Freeze after watching this. In the 80s and 90s he was a god among men. If it was a casting choice today though I'd question the sanity of the crew as I can't see him getting the role in a million years. However If you're after dialogue this movie isn't for you. This is just conversations of one dimensional characters doing one liners and somehow having conversations out of them to the point they might as well be Pokemon saying their names to each other over and over again. This is on par with adult film complexities. We get it, Arnold is into ice, not the kind this movie was probably written with the assistance of. We also get it, Uma is into plants, hopefully the same kind the writers smoked as well writing this train wreck.
The whole last bit of the movie was far too convenient, there is certainly something for the kids to watch this movie for but at the same time for the parent(s) who more than likely endured this movie.
George Clooney could have been re-cast to someone else, He could be charming to be Bruce Wayne but as Batman? It wouldn't work. Thankfully though he didn't do that scratchy annoying voice thing like in the Dark Knight. Instead it's that typical boring, stern almost late night talk show nasally voice. Uma Thurman I didn't think was pretty enough. Perhaps she was living off of her Pulp Fiction fame and I'm the millionth person to say what the heck was with the nipples on the suits! I don't know if this was supposed to be a kids movie or not but you even saw Bat Girl's in her outfit. I guess it was a thank you from the crew to the dads and the adventurous mothers who stayed awake long enough to watch the movie that far in. She is 100x prettier than Uma.
The fight scenes were lazy or poorly choreographed, I'm not expecting some 2+ minute Bruce Lee-esque fight but still, it took three sittings to finish this train wreck. No wonder I don't watch super hero movies.
Super Mario Bros. (1993)
super fraud brothers
Is this the worst movie ever made? No, this is the most disappointing movie. There are FAR worst movies out there that deserve 1 stars. We all know the back story about the directors knew absolutely nothing about Super Mario and never played the video games. Yet wanted to shoehorn their dumb idea for a movie by any means necessary.
I think the only thing I'll remember is Bob's gravelly voice as Mario and how poorly cast Dennis Hopper is. He's too nice and I hate his voice, he delivers his lines about as poorly as Tommy Wiseau in The Room (2003). This is mostly just two questionably sober plumbers slogging through what looks like modern day Los Angeles.. I mean a dystopian wasteland. Sure there wasn't the greatest amount of dialogue written but then again, Nintendo should have been more involved in this movie as by that time Super Mario World was out so they could have done something with all the characters there or decided not to do a live action movie.
3000 Miles to Graceland (2001)
Not horrible
I watched this movie about 20 years ago and it still somewhat holds up. I think a big reason why is that opening heist in the bank, it was so well done. Afterwards the movie is pretty down hill. The child actor gives it a unique angle but. I feel if the movie was written better they wouldn't have needed him. Oddly enough this is the first time in a review of me saying it but the costume department who designed all those Elvis Presley outfits especially out did themselves. The black one covered in rhinestones especially looked great.
Usually I don't like Kurt Russell. I've seen him in so many awful movies. Tango And Cash, Escape From New York, Big Trouble In Little. China and so forth but he surprisingly worked well in this movie.
There was some good writing at times such as hanging up a 911 call how the police will check, the soundtrack was all over the place from Kid Rock to. BT and the track Smartbomb. Which the only reason I know that this song exists is a little video game called "Frequency" on PS2 which was made by the team who did guitar hero. Plus we had tons of Elvis songs and all of the team that did the work in the Las Vegas part of this movie did a great job but the second Elvis leaves the building the movie goes kind of down hill. The part where both the hero and villain are one cell beside each other for grand theft autos was silly and Ice T being in this movie was absolutely unnecessary in this. I hope he didn't get paid much.
I found the movie a bit too long and that final shootout they could have done it in a better location but it was a fun movie to watch, I had lower expectations.
Deadly Bet (1992)
Instant regret
This is such a stupid movie, the hero is so unlikable, he's about to leave Las Vegas and his ego won't allow him to only leave with a bit of money. No he isn't done gambling, he has to lose it all and his girlfriend is held hostage until he can pay the debt back, that's how weak the story is. How does he get out of the hole he's in. Why getting in more debt. In fact so extra debt from losing a few more bets to the point the mafia said if he was anyone else they would have murdered him. The one thing our hero cannot say is "no" I bet if some 8 year old said his older brother Dale can do a wheelie on his rusty old bike down the entire Mcdonalds parking lot he'd put 50 grand on it that he can't.
The villain of this movie is truly the lead actor. The Asian "bad guy" is poorly cast. He's in great shape and can fight but I didn't find him evil enough. I'd talk more crap about his character but, seriously there's 6 other reviews on this movie. No one cares.
The lead actor in this movie is terrible, whether he can fight or not he's just forgetful, the movie truly shows its budget based on how many times they use that stupid ring. I think the only actor I liked was the fat mafia guy as he was one of the few that were actually honest in this movie and I got a chuckle out of one line he said. I seriously should have watched a post 2006 Steven Seagal movie over this pile of garbage.
My only question is. Was this direct to VHS or a TV movie? I'm so glad I got to see this for free as even a penny or a free movie in a compilation I'd feel ripped off.
Sleeping Dogs (2024)
sleeping audience - 2.5 / 10
Well what can I say about this one. Firstly it's too long, some parts of it dragged out so long I struggled to pay any attention. Laura Baines character is so unlikable you can spot what is going to happen a mile away. I like the angle about Russell's character getting this new treatment which improves brain function and he goes down this rabbit hole trying to figure things out as when you retire you've got to have something to retire too and he was encouraged to keep stimulating his brain.
I'm just glad this wasn't some garbage woke movie, no there was something for an actual audience. However just the way this movies plot unraveled it was a chore to finish. Perhaps a different director, a different casting choice than Russell as I don't know what to really say about his character in this. It's certainly not my favorite role he's been in. More than likely work a bit on the script to make it less convoluted. Something! Then again I doubt there's anything that could be done to this plot to make it a life changing 10 / 10 movie experience. Besides a plot that some but not all can follow the only thing saving this from a 1 star is the twist at the end.
The Force (1994)
laughably bad
The atmosphere of this movie oozes early 90s low budget TV movie or direct to VHS standards I mean quality, from the really cheesy musical score that makes me take any scene way less seriously than I should to the point I couldn't get immersed in this movie if my life depended on it, to the laughably bad acting at times in this is certainly what kept me watching this train wreck and the extremely predictable script that even if someone has only seen a small handful of action movies will know what is going to happen.
Our forgetful, poorly cast hero gets murdered in the beginning of the movie. He looks 10-15 years older than his "wife". It makes you wonder if this is an ego trip or who funded this. Than our lead does hardly any martial arts and barely any fight scenes, it's mostly just talking people out of hostage situations. What we realize is that the ghost is helping solve his own murder which is a great concept but it's so poorly done. The only way we know it's "Desmond" is when the lead actor starts doing this poor Steven Seagal type voice. That loud whisper talk that he's trying to be more tough or sexy sounding if any women actually watched this, that's how I'm going to describe the put on voice. Seriously there are a ton of better Steven Seagal movies than this from post 2006 you could watch instead. How bad the loud whisper voice is, it reminded me of the cartoon Mission Hill in the episode parodying the notoriously bad film Plan 9 From Outer Space (1957) where the director thought that for the man from Pluto the audience would need to see a light bulb glow on his chest to signify that he's mad as he always looked mad.
However this isn't a 1 star, there's a coherent plot. There's some diverse scenes and although the movie is incredibly dumb I feel with the right cast and crew, director, writer(s) and caterers this could have worked. This is far from the first movie to try this angle but it could work better if it came out today with the right people behind it as who wants to watch the 99999 remakes of stuff out today, with or without the "woke" fad.
Knox Goes Away (2023)
Not horrible - 5.5
This movie I found was slow, dry and could be quite dull in places. However they handled his form of dementia way better I feel than the Liam Neeson's movie Memory from 2023. Of the two Memory is a way better movie, There's some legitimacy to John's character, his son hates him and so forth. However if you're expecting some high octane movie where there's non-stop action and an impossible to get target watch a Jason Statham or John Wick movie.
With the exception for the Asian cop who at times didn't seem like she wanted to be there, everyone was cast quite well. Al Pacino's role could have been done by anyone else to save the movie a few bucks. My least favorite thing though was how they snuck in a "woke" joke where she told the other cop to stop assuming the suspects are "Guys".
I doubt I'd watch this movie again and it's really nothing I'd recommend to people. By the end of the movie I honestly didn't care for John's character. I could understand why he did what he did but any well made film if we don't feel immersed the crew did a bad job.
Showdown (1993)
Flowdown
This is such a bad movie not even Billy could save it. We're pretty much getting Karate Kid where it's what I imagine a home schooled kids or out of touch rich parents imagine a typical public high school is. The two main characters in this movie seem to be in their mid to late 20s, which OK fine, it's a martial arts film and not a comedy or anything else. I'd love to know the age gap between Julie and Ken.
This movie isn't shy to show it's inspired by karate kid from the references to waxing Billy's car and all that when he decides to train Ken to the training montage. Even Ken's rival I suppose I can call him kind of looks like the rival in karate kid. Although there's some originality such as how Billy ended up being where he is and the karate tournament angle and of course the blonde girl sick of her cliche boyfriend and needing to be stolen away like she's some prize.
The only difference is the karate dojo sensei looks an amalgamation of washed up wrestlers such as Jesse "The Body" Ventura and Jake The Snake Roberts, I couldn't take him seriously, if he was any more intense where it became over acting I would have loved his character for all the wrong reasons.
Skip this unless you're a big Billy Banks fan or want something to laugh at.