Effective Sentences

Well-organized effective sentences should satisfy the following criteria: unity,

emphasis, cohesion, preciseness, conciseness, word propriety, clarity, and
variety. Remember that, before being effective, sentences should first be
correct in grammar and mechanics. The following briefly outlines what is
meant by these criteria, in each part a few examples are used to clarify the
meaning whenever is necessary.

1) UNITY

A unified sentence deals with only one idea or connects related thoughts.
Unity of the sentence is disturbed by grammatical and style errors, unrelated
thoughts, overloaded -- long -- parts of speech, misplaced parts of speech, and
excessive details.

The following are examples of sentences that lack unity.

* Our colleague accepted work in a computer company; the future of data

processing looks good. (Two apparently unrelated thoughts).
* Because the oil price is low, the search for new sources of energy is intensive
. (The reason does not clearly support the result).
* Working very hard on the budget, the management approved the general
outline rapidly . (The introductory part is dangling).
* The software department was asked to design a program to reside
permanently on the computer and to control usage of the computer time.
(Faulty and confusing parallelism.)
* Today, a jet engine develops over 40,000 pounds of thrust which weighs
5000 pounds. (Misplaced the relative clause that describes the jet engine).
* If on the date of opening of bid, the average price of domestic product is not
more than 10 percent above the average of representative types, which price
should reflect the price of premium quality products, and if reasonable bid
proposals have been received for the whole quantity , the said bid will be
awarded for local products that do not exceed 10 percent more than foreign
equivalents and the procedures set forth for awarding contracts will apply.
(Excessive use of subordination and details that rendered understanding
difficult).
* The following is an effective sentence with 82 (eighty-two) words:
" It rather for us to be here dedicated for the task remaining before us - that
from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which
they gave the last full measure of devotion - that we here highly resolve that
these dead shall not have died in vain - that this nation, under God, shall have
a new birth of freedom - and that government of the people, by the people, for
the people, shall not perish from the earth. [Lincoln, Gettysburg Address]."
 2) EMPHASIS

The word emphasis means special attention, importance or prominence given

to particular word or part(s) of speech. This special attention (emphasis)
indicates force or intensity of meaning. In writing, ideas vary in importance;
therefore, expressing them should vary in emphasis. The writer can gain or
vary emphasis

1. by placing important parts of speech at the position of natural stress;

2. by using subordination/coordination techniques;
3. by repeating important parts of speech ( full form repetition or short form
repetition );
4. by arranging ideas in a known order of climax (increasing or decreasing);
5. by using intensifiers and word signals;
6. by abruptly changing sentence length;
7. by putting a part of speech out of the customary order;
8. by using the technique of parallelism;
9. by using passive/active voice-shift;
10. by using punctuation, italicization, font...; and
11. by using the emphatic mood.

NOTE Beginning (introductory) phrases usually do not affect emphasis of the

main clause or other clauses of the sentence.

Examples on emphasis:

1. At the present time, consumers are not interested in solar heaters because
they are still expensive despite the wide publicity on this very important
items.
2. The expanding gases drive the turbine, and the same gases are used to
heat intake air of the air supply system.
3. Whether the engineer is engaged in civil, mechanical or any other
profession, he is confronted with data and figures.
4. Note the repetition of the word "read" and its derivatives: readers, readers
of the real world:

“Unlike readers of the academic world, most readers of the “real world” read
selectively. Rather than digesting a piece of writing, they skim-read most of it,
skipping from one main idea to another until they come to something that
particularly interests them. Such readers are forced to read this way.”

5. Basic to all progress are integrity, faith and hard work.

6. Egypt does have considerable but - badly managed - human resources.
 3) COHESION
A sentence is said to be cohesive when its parts of speech are tied together:
they are clearly related and flow from one another. Cohesion is not only limited
to the sentence (internal cohesion), but it can be between the sentences of the
same paragraph (inter-sentence cohesion), or cohesion between paragraphs
of the same text (a whole form).
A) internal cohesion, or cohesion within the same sentence:
Avoid needless separation between the same sentence parts:

The company representative said that nothing wrong in the hardware with
emphasis.
The chief engineer had, in spite of his not willing to share us this meeting, pride of
the department's performance.
The new hardware is the one to, whether expensive or not, use in design.

The parts of the sentence should be placed where they convey the precise
meaning or emphasis desired: the modifier should be placed as near the
modified word as good usage in English will permit. The parts in italics are
misplaced; they separate between closely related parts of speech.
What is the problem with the following sentence: “Always those who watch
television rarely read much”?

Cohesion within the sentence can be achieved through one or more of the
following:

1) by coordination or subordination;
2) by information ordering within the sentence: old information before new
one; short information before long one.
3) by repeating specific words or parts of speech within the same sentence
(notice the repetition of the word "read" and "write" in the paragraphs:
“Unlike readers of the academic world, most readers of the “real world”
read selectively. Rather than digesting a piece of writing, they skim-read
most of it, skipping from one main idea to another until they come to
something that particularly interests them. Such readers are forced to read
this way.”
4) by using active/passive alteration, equative shift, indirect object shift.

B) Cohesion Between Sentences (Inter-Sentence Cohesion):

• To enhance inter-sentence cohesion ( within the paragraph), the following

techniques are proven effective: use of pronouns, articles, demonstratives;
use of connectives and transition words; and use of visual formatting or
other ways of organization.

As an example of the use of the above techniques, examine the section at the
end of this part on effective sentences, titled "Write A Good Topic Statement."
 4) WORD PROPRIETY

Word propriety in the sentence means the word appropriateness, fitness, or

suitability to their subject, reader, writer's objective, or meaning. In English
language, one can distinguish between two kinds of meaning – denotative or
connotative: denotative meanings are what the word refers to ; connotative
meanings are the values and emotions we attach to the words.

Word meanings not only change in their denotative meanings but the value of
their connotative meanings also changes.

A) FUNCTIONAL SHIFT in which the word changes its function or class:

contact, to contact someone, contact disease; use (n, s sound), use (v, z
sound); perFUME (v), PERfume (n)....

B) CHANGES IN DENOTATION are three types:

a) extension; when the meaning of the word is enlarged: ticket, ticket to

success; Xerox, xerox; chest, chest of drawers; companion (who shares
bread, who shares almost every thing) ; Kleenex, kleenex...
b) restriction; when the area of the meaning becomes narrow: starve (die, die
from hunger, suffer from hunger).... Another kind of transfer in which a part
of the whole denotes the whole: transistor, board, a good hand, what a
brain!
c) transfer; when a word takes on a non literal meaning ( a form of metaphor):
mouth of a river, a tooth in a gear, inspire (breathe in), intact (not touched),
insist (stand on).

C) CHANGES IN CONNOTATION are one of two types:

a) elevation in meaning: enthusiasm (fanaticism); minister (servant); board (table);

pretty (sly); nice (foolish); sanitary engineer; pass away; political expression:
pacification, democracy, population transfer, technology transfer, justice, equal
chance, fair trade ....
b) degradation in meaning: stink, stench (smell), immoral (not customary), lust
(pleasure), libel (writing)

In addition of the meaning of the word, selecting the appropriate word is

influenced by other factors:

• ANALYSIS OF THE AUDIENCE. Define the reader-- specialist / non-

specialist expressions (avoid jargonism), use CaCO3, H2O, DOS or their
full terms?
• DEVELOPMENT OF THE TOPIC. Word choice depends on the way of
developing the topic -- general-to-specific, cause-to-effect, narration, ....
• USE OF IDIOMATIC EXPRESSIONS. When used, idiomatic expressions
should be conventional-- according to, inferior to (not than), because
of/due to, effective/efficient,....
• USE OF ALTERNATIVE WORDS. Think your words before replacing
repeating words: short/laconic, continuous/continual,....
• USE OF FRESH EXPRESSIONS is preferable to worn-out clichés: at all
times (always), at the present time (now), I would appreciate it if
(please)....
• USE OF CONCRETE EXPRESSIONS. Avoid fuzzy, abstract words: owing
to the conditions of the facilities, inadequate results were obtained/ in two
tests out of three, the chromatograph malfunctioned and produced no
results. Full utilization of the facilities was realized./ in this project, we used
all the six computers of the department.
USE OF EXPRESSIONS WITH STRONG CONNOTATION. The notorious
(well known?) secretary was highly praised for her devotion. Our
bureaucrats are very active these days. Compare the meanings of the
following words: diplomat, politician, statesman; domicile, flat, house,
residence, home; heroine, heroin; Zionist; fascist, nationalist, fanatic,
chauvinist , figure, profile, silhouette (she has a figure that does not look
bad); sensitive, sensual, sensuous, census.
USE OF NOMINAL STYLE: Nominal style (nominalization) is the habit of
expressing actions by using nouns instead of verbs: Measurement of the
internal diameter was done using a probe. / A probe was used to measure
the internal diameter. / We measured the internal diameter using a probe.
Nominalization reduces the effectiveness of the sentence because it
"smothers" the action and requires the construction of passive sentences. It
also requires the use of general (weak, linking, stative) verbs to express the
action. Contrary to the nominal style, the verbal style (where the action is
put in the verb) generally calls for strong verbs.

5) CONCISENESS

The use of more words than necessary to express an idea is an offense

against exact diction. Delete the unneeded ones.

Aids to conciseness

1. Use more pronouns as long as they have clear referent(s). Electricity is

a useful form of energy. Electricity is a cheap form of energy. Electricity
is a clean form of energy . (Electricity should be replaced by a
pronoun).
2. Avoid unnecessary repetition of words, phrase, or clauses:
3. in the near vicinity of = near, close; a round circle (!); absolutely
essential; collaborate together; very efficient;....
4. Replace, whenever effective, phrases by words, clauses by phrases or
words, or long words by short words: a large number (many); I am of the
opinion of (I believe); due to the fact that (because); unquestionable
(certain, sure).
5. Use short form repetition instead of full form repetition, if there is no loss
in sentence clarity and effectiveness.
6. Avoid excessive subordination: refer to the last example under (1)
UNITY (If, on the date of opening of bid, the average...); note the
excessive use of relative classes that made the text difficult to read.
 6) PRECISENESS (word selection, exactness)

Preciseness of the expressions requires that words should be exact and free
from errors and express exact and clear ideas -- free from confusion.

A) Use an exact form of the word

The word should be correct in spelling, appropriate in meaning, and should

conform to normal usage:

• Distinguish accurately between the synonyms, near-synonyms, homonyms,

derivational forms, and other frequently confused forms of the word:
uninterested/disinterested, interesting/interested, imply/infer, affect/effect,
advise/tell/inform/say, appreciate/understand, appear/seem,
ability/capacity, weight/weigh, different from/different than, few/ a few,
specially/especially....
• For the verb, determine exactly its tense, mood, voice, agreement, and its
inflected form. Avoid needless shift between tenses, voices, and moods.
Watch the use of progressive and passive forms of the verb.
• distinguish between the two forms of the verb (full verb, auxiliary verb; such
as "need"). Pay attention to the verbal form of the noun and the infinitive
forms of the verb and when they dangle.....
• For the pronoun, avoid vague or ambiguous reference to the antecedent.
Be sure of the agreement between the pronoun, its case, number and
gender (note general gender rules).
• For prepositions, choose the appropriate preposition that carries the exact
meaning: compare with (or to), somebody is interested in and talented for....

B) Be specific as far as word meaning is concerned (see word propriety).

C) Check the position of certain words: vary the position of adverbs or

adjectives to see the difference in meaning.

He failed to define the problem. (Check completely, only, almost )

D) Check current usage of the word (refer to word propriety).

7) CLARITY

The word clarity is a basic requirement for technical writing. When the
sentences are carefully developed and clear, they carry a definite meaning.
Clarity of the sentence results from correct grammar and mechanics, and from
correct use of words. It also results from
• Using meaningful transition between sentences
• for continuity: also, and, moreover, in addition,...
• for contrast: but, conversely, however, on the contrary, still...
• for results: consequently, hence, therefore, thus,...
• for comparison: in the same way, likewise, similarly,...
• for time: later, meanwhile, then, after....
• for illustration: for example, for instance,...
• by repeating words, nouns, or pronouns.
• Using simple words and structures (avoid complex structures and words).
• Ordering words and larger units in the sentence (Topical information in
emphatic positions, Old information before new one, and short phrases
before long ones);
• Using concrete words;
• Using action verbs (verbal style);
• Omitting negative and substandard expressions: the motor seems to be
operating at 75 percent efficiency; however data is incomplete (compare
with [to?]: the current data shows that the motor operates at 75 percent
efficiency); the motor can possibly be repaired; beef up, fouled up (slang
expressions);
• Using short sentences without many details: sentences with slightly less
than 20 words are found to be understandable by most readers; sentences
of such length form more than 80 percent of the technical writing.
• Properly using the pronoun so that it has a unique referent:
• He is a great scientist, but he is a bad writer which (?) is confusing.
• Read the text on the apparatus; it may save your life.
• His father died when he was thirty years old.
• The Chairman told our supervisor that his plan was approved.

8) VARIETY

Vary the structure and the length of your sentences to make the whole text
interesting and effective. As a rule,
• avoid writing short simple sentences; vary sentence length.
Electricity is useful. Electricity is cheap. Electricity is clean. Electricity is a
practical form of energy.
• vary sentence opening: begin with a sentence connective – a coordinating
conjunction, a conjunctive adverb, or a transitional expression; begin with
an appositive or with an absolute.

◊ The increasing price of oil may cause a shift to other sources of energy.
Worldwide, coal should last for at least 300 years. Oil on the other hand,
will be virtually depleted within the next 60 years.
◊ A method with old foundations, rock splitting by humidifying wood is still
used these days.
◊ True, we have long meetings without results.

• avoid loose, long compound sentences: convert a compound sentence into

a complex sentence; convert a compound sentence by using simple
sentences with compound predicates; use relative clauses or appositives to
reduce compound or complex sentences; use phrases to replace clauses.

◊ There would be oil spills at the Red Sea shores, and the authorities could
handle it. Becomes “The authorities can handle oil that would spill on the
Red Sea shores.”
 ◊ The employee read the text; he drew the calibration curve, and he hurried
from the office to the outside. Becomes “The employee read the text, drew
the calibration chart and hurried to the outside.”

• Vary sentence pattern. Vary the conventional subject-pattern by

occasionally separating subject and verb with words or phrases.
Occasionally, use a question, an exclamation or a command instead of the
usual declarative sentence.

An area of particular interest, the Gulf of Suez hosts many natural resources. How
much of these are known to us? Think about the total income per type of activity.
Perhaps the most known of these is oil. But the everlasting resources are those that
come from the Sea itself not from the surroundings or from the underground. Oil
may not last beyond a decade or so; but aquatic resources will last as long as they
remain protected from human abusive exploitation....

SUGGESTIONS FOR EXERCISES:

1] Study a piece of your own writing. Try to apply on its sentences what is said in
this part.
2] Study the following text:

" A key to good writing is to possess or develop sentence sense. Sentence

sense is the awareness of what MAKES a sentence-- the ability to recognize
its grammatical essentials and to understand the relationships between its
parts. Observing the positions, forms, and meanings of words can help you to
understand the relationship between parts of sentences. Notice below how
meaning is expressed by the arrangement and the forms of words. "The
hijacked plane has landed safely." Notice the importance of word order.
Other arrangements of the same words are possible: 1) The hijacked plane
has landed safely! 2) The hijacked plane has safely landed. 3) Has the
hijacked plane landed safely? 4) Hijacked safely plane has landed the
[nonsensical]. 5) The hijacked planes have safely landed."

3] Evaluate the following "long" sentence:

" If the discovery of how to harness the power of steam was largely responsible
for the Great Industrial Revolution which happened in Britain in the last
century, then the invention of the micro-chip and the subsequent development
of computers will go down in history as the greatest factor in the great
Technological Revolution of the twentieth century."

Study the following on “Writing Effective Paragraphs” for unity,

cohesion, emphasis and variety.

Unlike readers of the academic world, most readers of the “real world” read selectively.
Rather than digesting a piece of writing, they skim-read most of it, skipping from one
main idea to another until they come to something that particularly interests them.
Such readers are forced to read this way.
As a writer, therefore, you can do everything possible to ease this kind of reader’s
burden; in particular, you should make your writing easy to skim-read. One of the
best ways to do this is to write a good paragraph. What makes for a good paragraph
in scientific/ technical writing? First of all, a good paragraph has unity: focuses on a
single idea or theme. Second, a good paragraph has coherence, one sentence leads
to the next in some kind of logical sequence. Finally, a good paragraph has adequate
content: appropriate details to support the main idea. Readers expect to find these
qualities in paragraphs, and you as a writer should take care not to frustrate their
expectations.

There are two principal tools you can use to invest paragraph with the qualities just
described: 1) a good topic statement, and an appropriate pattern of organization.
 Proofreading Sentences

Proofreading is the technique of reading and correcting a text for mistakes in

grammar, mechanics, style and content. Proofreading comes after writing: do
not write and proofread at the same time. After writing and before proofreading,
wait a little to "cool-off" and to become less "partial".

Given the fact that there are several different kinds of errors to look out for in a
sentence, it makes sense to divide the proofreading process into different
phases:

• Proofread sentences alone before paragraphs.

• Also, proofread sentences carefully; especially the long sentences, where the
risk of losing track of the idea is high. In that way, you can concentrate on
each sentence.

Sentence should be proofread once for each of the following:

1. Omitted words, unity, and clarity

2. Conciseness;
3. Grammar (agreement, verb, and sentence structure);
4. Punctuation and other mechanical mistakes;
5. Other style errors: emphasis, cohesion, variety, and preciseness
6. Individual weaknesses: start with your most common ones;
7. Technical errors in the content of the text.

Do you really have to read each sentence over several separate times to
proofread? The answer is YES, if you are a beginning writer.

One effective method is to read the sentences from the bottom of each
paragraph or from the bottom of the whole text. In that way you can
concentrate on each sentence individually, so that you do not get distracted by
the meaning you express.

Proofreading improves learning and writing, and helps discover and improve
the writer's individual weaknesses.