The Hidden Driveway
I won't lie: there are a lot of things I want in life, and some of them I'd even pay for.
Rather than listing them in some aimless order so that I can feel bad about not having
these things, I will instead focus on one thing that is actually attainable: a hidden
driveway...
I've wanted a hidden driveway for as long as I can remember, which is sometime between
yesterday and tomorrow. I was driving on a busy road when I saw the sign to my right
that denoted the hidden driveway existed while implying I should be careful of it. And I
was - because who am I not to follow a sign, especially when it pertains to something
hidden?
Many would consider hidden driveways to be dangerous because a person who backs out
of such a location may be hit by oncoming traffic - or even outgoing traffic, or even a
wandering turtle with a jetpack. Sure, there are rearview and side mirrors, but those with
hidden driveways are rebels, and rebels don't use mirrors except to adjust their ski masks
and glow-in-the-dark sunglasses...
One may now be wondering why I would want a hidden driveway if they are indeed so
dangerous. To begin, it would help to cut down random visits from people I don't want to
see. I could even be extra nice to these people, inviting them over for the best cheesecake
this side of Mouseville. But then, alas, they'd never find my driveway. Thus, I'd be
known as a nice person who "unfortunately" lives at a location that is hard to find. This
would also elevate the reputation of the cheesecake...
The better reason for wanting a hidden driveway, though, is that it would make me seem
like a secret agent every time I leave for work, head for the local convenient store, or
even move the car so that there is more room to play horseshoes. To add to the mystique
of my persona, I would leave the driveway only when it is dark outside, or when
everyone else is at some local festival that I skipped because of how hidden I am.
Eventually, after a couple of years of keeping up this routine, I would not even need a car
because no one would be able to see it anyway, which contradicts the reason for having
one. Rather, I would walk everywhere that is within walking distance - and everything
else I would have delivered...
Such would be the life of a person with a hidden driveway. If you have one, please invite
me over sometime soon so I can practice backing out of one...
But I digress.
Greg Gagliardi is a teacher and writer. His stream-of-consciousness weekly humor
column, "Progressive Revelations," has been ongoing since 1998.
(http://www.ProgressiveRevelations.com)
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