BLOODSTAI

NEDVEI
L

PROLOGUE

Ilaysti
ll
,myey eswideopen, t
ear
sstreaming
sideways,Iswall
owal umpasIf eel
THEVEI L
getti
ngdumper .Ishoul
dhav ebeenusedt othi
s
bynow, yetissti
l
lhurtjustasmuchasi tdi
d
thefir
stti
me.

Hedr
enchesofal
cohol
,hi
sst
alebr
eat
hest
ains
mysoul
.

"St
opit,
,,
dadpleasest
opit!
"Iwail
ed.Buthe
wouldn'
tstop,hi
shuskyvoi
cechuckledonmy
ear,
Icouldfeelt
heroughskinonhishands
car
essingmyar m har
derandharder
.
"Calmy oursel
fsweetheart
,youar etotense"he
taunteddrawingmecl osertohischest.The
stenchofbeer ,
cigar
etteandsweat sradiat
edof
him,chokingmebutIcoul dn'tescapehisgrasp.

Asobescapedmymout h,Iwastotir
edtofi
ght
,
Iscr
eamedandkickedbuthejustl
aughedat
mehy st
eri
cal
ly
,mytearsdidn'
tbot
herhi
m.He
wastoodrunkandtoohornytocar
e.

Isuff
ocateinhi shugebody ,
Iam drowni ngin
hisgiganti
carms, am onl
y13y ear
sol dmybody
hasn'tful
l
ydev elopedyet
.Iam onlybutamer e
chil
dbutt hi
smanhasdeci dedtoturnmei nt
o
hiswife.Hefixedtheveilt
hatwasatt hev erge
offal
lingoff,
itwasal r
eadysoakedint ears

"shhhh,keepqui
ethoney
,Iam apr
oatt
his"
harderhepushed
Itryt
oscream butnot
hingcomesout ,myv oi
ce
seemst obestuckatt
hebackofmyt hroat
,al
l
thatcameoutwasawhi mper i
ng.Themor eI
cri
edthedeeperhepenetrat
ed.

I
thur
t.

Fasterhegoes, hi
shugenai
lscl
utchedi
nmy
ski
n, het
ightenedhisl
egsandsquirl
l
edl
ikea
chi
ld.Hef i
nall
ycoll
apsedontopofme.I
couldn'
tbreathehewaskil
li
ng.

Hef i
nal
lygotoffme,hetookatowelandwi
ped
hi
msel f
.Iremainedsti
l
lonthatbedwit
hmy
i
nsidessti
llbur
ning.

"cl
eanyour
sel
fup,
wouldy
ou"hethr
ewhis
mustyt
owelatme,wor
ehi
sclot
hesthenexi
ted
myr
oom.

Igotoffmy3quar t
erbed, it
swirescl
i
nged,
may betheyarealr
eadyt i
redfr
om
accommodat ingagr ownassmanev eryni
ght
fort
hepastt hreeyears.
Icoul
dbar
elyst
and,
myl
egskeeponshaki
ng.
Thev
eil
landsont
hef
loor

Istandt
herest
ari
ngati
t,t
ear
sfi
l
ledmyey
es.I
pickedi
tup.

TheVeil,
whatwasoncemymot her
'spr
eci
ous
possessi
oni
snowusedasat oolbyher
husbandtoi
nfl
ictsomuchpai
nonme.

Thi
sVei
li
snowhar
dlyv
isi
ble,
itwasst
ained
wi
thsomuchbl
ood,
mybl
ood,

It
snothi
ngbutj
ustapieceofcl
othy
eti
thas
stol
ensomuchfrom me.
Mywomanhood,
myj
oy,
myhappi
ness,
myl
i
fe.
ThemoreIlookatit
,theangri
erIget.Ij
ust
wanttodest
royi
t,Ir
oughlytakeitandtr
yto
tear
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYTHREE

(
thedr
eam)

Thewatermovessof
tl
yar oundmyoutst
ret
ched
fi
ngers,
car
essi
ngcooly
,eddy i
ngi
nitswake.I
pull
myhandoutandwat chthedr
ips,
transparentandnotatt hesamet i
me.Theyf al
l
asi fsnatchedbygrav i
tyt
ot hesal
inebelow,
eachoneswi ftl
yhaloedbyev er
-gr
owingr i
ngs,
distorti
ngthepebbledsea-bed.Inthebreeze
myhandi scold,yetmybacki swarmedbyt he
earlysummersun.Her eIcouldstayallday.The
fami l
iar
ityofthi
splaceisjustunbearabl
e.
Ihadbeenher ef oreverunti
lThesummersun
beatuponmybackr elentl
essl
y,forcingbeads
ofseatdownmyf orehead.Iwasj uststr
oll
ingin
thepark;yetIwassot ir
ed.Thebal loffi
reinthe
skyblazedabr il
li
antamber ,sobr i
ghtthatI
couldnotadmi reitforlong.Quickeningmy
pace,Ireal
izedthatIshoul dhavegone
swimmi nginsteadoft akingawal ktothepark,I
sighandwi pesweatf r
om myf orehead.Afteral
l,
swimmi nginhotweat herandcool i
ngdown
alwaysbroughtmuchj oy.
Idon'
treal
l
yrecal
lhowIendedupher
e,Idon'
t
evenremembermakingmywayhere,
,
,,
str
ange
i
sn't
..
.Ohhwell.Am her
enowImi ghtaswell
buskinthesun.What'
sevenmorestrangel
yis
howquiettheparkwastoday
,seemsl i
keIwas
theonl
yoneher e.
Wher
ewasev
ery
one.
Imeanitsalmostmiddayandusuall
ythepar
k
getspackedduri
ngthi
stime.Yetnowallt
hatI
heardwerethesweetmelodythebir
dskept
si
nging.

ThenIthi
tme,i
fil
am heret
henwher
ewas
Nomcebo,ImeanInevergoany
wherewi
thout
her.

Shemustbeher
esomewher
e,It
hought

Igoar
oundt
hepar
klooki
ngf
orher
.
"cebo,Nana"Ical
l
edf
orherbutshenev
er
responded.

I
fshe'
snotherethenwher
eisshe.Coul
ditbe
t
hatIl
eftheral
onewit
hthatman.

OwhGod. .
..HowcanI,Ihadpr
omi
sedt
o
pr
otectheratal
lcost
.

Ist
artr
unni
ng,headingtowardst
hegat
eoft
he
par
kwhichIneverreached.

Iranalmostl
ikefor
everbutInev
erreachthe
gate,t
heparkseemedt ohavenoend,it
sli
keit
didn'
twantmet oLeave.Icametoanhaltwhen
suddenly
Thet
reesst
andsmutei
nthesummerairThe
humi
dit
yencasesmeandl
iket
heboughsabove
medon' tmov e.Iam spr awl edonl astseasons
l
eafl itter,nowsof tandmostoft hewayt o
becomi ngl oam.Nol ongerar ethel eav esabov e
thedel i
cateshadeofnewaspar agus, theyar e
asdeepaswi nterkal e, deeperst il
l wher ethey
ov erl
ap.Eachonei ssot i
ny ,andf rom down
her eev enmor eso; yett oget hertheyal most
obscur ethesunr ay st hatbr i
ngt hisunbear able
heat .Ev enthebi rdsar esilenced, Iimagi net hey
arehi ghi nt her oughl i
mbs, statuel ike,
breat hingwi thopenbeaks.Ther eisaf ragrance
her e,adi sti
nct ivear omaofl eafandsoi l
.
Under neathmet hegr oundi sl umpywi throots
thatpr ojectt hought hesoi landmyl oosecot t
on
clothes.Theyt wistl i
kesnakest urnedt ost one,
wr it
hingupwar donef inaltimebef or e
descendi ngdeepi ntot heear t
ht ot akecool
draught sfrom t hewat ertablebel ow.Whati s
happeni ngher e, whydoIf eel li
keIwast r
apped.
If
eltmyheadget
ti
ngabi
tdi
zzysoi
satont
he
grass.Mysi ghtgotabi tblurrybuti sweari saw
av erybigbutter f
lyitwast hesi zeofanav erage
humanbei ng.Itbeat sitswi ngsupanddownso
sharplyitlooksl i
kei t
'sunderr emot econt r
ol,as
i
fat inyelectri
cal currentopensandshut sthose
vi
v i
dy ell
owbl adesWi thlegst hatsomehow
sti
ck, i
tholdst hest em oft hef lowert hatis
al
readypassedi t
speak, petal sblackenedatt he
edgesandcur ling.Per hapsi talreadyknowst he
summeri sfastbecomi ngfall,thatsoont he
l
eav eswi l
ltumbl eandt heni ghtscl osei n,chil
ly
andshor t.Ihopenot .Ihopei tli
vesev eryday
withnev erathoughtf orthef utureorpast .
Therei sasmuchbeaut yint hatasi ni tssunny
hue.
Itt
henmadeitswaytome,
itshonesobr
ight
lyI
couldn'
tev
enstar
eatit
.

"don'
tbeafrai
d"omgi ttal
ked,
wasIl
oosi
ng
mymi ndordidi
treal
l
yt al
k.
"it
sohk,don'
tbeafrai
dIwon'tharmyou"it
says,
itsvoi
cesoundsstr
angelyfami
l
iar.
"whathavey
ouDonetome,whoar
eyouand
whatdoyouwant
"Iyel
l
ed.

"it
sohk.Ij
ustcametosayam sor
ry,f
or
every
thi
ng,
am sorr
yforl
eavi
ngyoubehind.Am
sorr
yIcoul
dn'
tstay
."Shesay
s.Confusi
ngme
evenmore.

Me:whatar
eyouandwhatar
eyout
alki
ng
about
.

"i
tsallgonnabef i
ne"i
tsvoicenowl
i
kea
whisper,
itsoundedfur
theraway
"wai
t,wai
tdon'
tl
eav
emeher
e"Iscr
eamed.

Buti
tkeptonf
lyi
ng
"pl
ease.
..
.pl
easedon'
tgo"t
ear
sst
reameddown
mycheeks

Iwastrappedi
nthi
spl
aceal
onewi
thnohope
ofsur
vivi
ng

"Mimi.
.Mi
mi.
.v
uka,
,
,vukaMi
mi"cebo'
svoi
ce
echoedi
nmyears

"Vuka"shesays,
Ifel
tli
ket
herewasan
eart
hquake,Iwasshaki
ngvi
gorousl
y

"VukaMi
mimaan"Idon'
tknowhowbutIsl
owl
y
openedmyey
esandthereshest
oodbesi
demy
bed

Il
ookedar
oundandIwasi
nmyr
oom.

"whywer
eyoucr
yingi
nyoursl
eep"sheasked.

Iwasst
il
labi
tconf
used,It
ouchedmycheeks
andi
ndeedt
hereweret
ears.

Soi
tsonl
yadr
eam,
Iwasj
ustdr
eami
ng.

Igotoutt
hebedandPeekedt
hrought
he
window,i
twasal
readyi
nthemorni
ng.

"ar
eyoual
sosad"cebosai
d.
Me:
huh

Her:
youwer
ecryi
ng,
arey
ousad,
ist
hatwhy
youwer
ecry
ing.

Me:
noo.
..
Ijusthadav
erybaddr
eam.

Her
:real
l
y,whathappenedi
nyourdr
eam

Me:
Idon'
tremember
.

Her
:owh.Ibety
ouwer
echasedbyabi
gscar
y
monst
er.

Me:
IguessIwas.
Her:wellam notafr
aidofmonsters,
nextt
ime
theychasey oucal
lme.Iwil
lgetinyourdr
eam
andchaset hem away.

Me:
owhsoy
ouar
eamonst
ersl
ayer
.

Her
:yep.

Me:
sohowwi
l
lyougeti
nmydr
eam

Her:
Iwil
lsl
eepnextt
oy ou,
ourheadsmustbe
cl
osert
oget
hersothatwecansharethesame
dr
eam

Me:
owhohk.

Il
aughedathersi
l
lyi
dea,
Icl
ear
lyr
emember
ed
mydream andwasabi
tscar
edbutIcoul
dn'
t
t
ell
mysisterthat
.

Webot hwenttowashourfaces,
thenst
art
ed
cleani
ngthehouse.Myst
epdadwasnowher e
tobefoundso
Ar
oundmiddaywewenttoplaynextdoorwi
th
Zi
thawhowasayearol
derthanme.
Zithawasliv
ingtheli
feIWant
edtoli
ve.Shesti
l
l
hadbot hherpar
ents,t
heyhadgoodpayi
ngjobs,
theirhousewasamansi on
Adoubl
estor
eybui
ldi
ngwi
thf
ancyf
urni
tur
e
andgl
asswal
lsatt
heback
Ahugepool
occupi
edt
heent
ir
ebacky
ard
Weattendedt
hesameschool
,shehada
br
otherwhowasthr
eeyear
soldert
hanher

Herbr
otherwascheesyandal
way
shad
headphoneson.Hehar dl
ygr eet edmeand
woul dkeepqui etwhenIgr eet edhi m.It hi
nkhe
hatedmygut sandt hefactt hatev enthoughI
waswel loffIwasnotint heirl evel,t
heNkosi '
s.
Alt
hought heywerer i
chImustsaysomet hing
waspecul i
araboutthem Ev ent hought heyhad
j
obsIhadnev erseenthem goi ngt owor k,t
hey
wil
l dri
veoutonev er
ysunset .Int hei
rhouse
wasar oom thatwasal way sl ocked.Notev en
Zit
haknewwhatwasi nthatr oom

MrsNkosi worefunnyclothes,shel ikedv er

y
shortandski mpyout fi
tsbutev erythingt hey
worewasal abel.Zi
thahadt wophones, ahuge
applet abletthatsheusedt opl aygamesanda
normal si
zedtouchedscr eenForcal lsand
whatnot ,Ienviedmyf r
iend'sli
fe.Ienv ied
ever
y thingshehad.Li f
ewasper f
ectf orher
whil
stmi newasatt hev ergeofspi ralingoutof
control.
Idi
dn'
thaveafatherandmymot
herhadj
ust
deci
dedtoabandonus.

Weplay
edatZi t
ha'
spl
aceunt
ili
ntheeveni
ng.
Hermotheraskedust
ostayf
ordinner

"soimi,
where'
syourmot
her
,Ihav
en'
tseenher
i
nawhi l
enow"Mrsnkosi
aswegather
ed
aroundt
hedi
nnertabl
e

"
She'
sgone"Cebobl
urt
edout

Mr
sN:
gone,
howdoy
oumean

Cebo:
she'
snot
..

"wel
luhm shewentt
ovi
sithersi
steri
njozi
"I
i
nterj
ected.Idon'
tknowbutIfeltl
i
keifIt
ell
them myMom l eftust
heywil
llaughatus.SoI
l
ied,Idi
dn'tevenknowwhereJozi wasIj
ust
saidJozibecauseIhear
dpeoplesay i
ngi
tsfar
.

Mr
s:owhsowheni
sshecomi
ngback.
Me:
soon

Shel
ookedatmel
i
keshewashopi
ngt
ofi
nd
somet
hing.
Ij
ustcont
inuedeat
ing

"Sf
isotaket
akeoffthoseheadsetwear
eeat
ing
here"MrNkosir
oared.

"
ButDad.
..
"
MrN:
butnot
hingTaket
hem of
f.

Hegavehi
m asharpl
ookthenhetookt
hem of
f.
Weconti
nuedeat
ingi
nsil
ence.Af
terwewer
e
donewewenthome.
Myst epdadwasnotaroundsoweclosedthe
windows, swi
tchedonthel
ight
.Wentt
otakea
bathbeforegoingtosl
eep.
Atleastt
odaywehadadel
ici
ousmeal.Al
most
l
iketheonemymom usetocookforus.

#Admi
n
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYONE
(
happymoment
s)
Fouryearsago,wewer eseatedbythedinner
tabl
e.Mymom andSt epdadhadjustcame
backfrom thei
rhoneymoon.Theywer eso
happy,thi
swast hehappiestIhav
eseenmy
mothereversinceourfatherdi
ed.
Ourfatherhadpassedonf ouryearsback.
Nomcebowasst i
ll
atoddlerandIwasf iv
e
yearsold.Ididn'
tknowmucht hen,Ijust
remembermymot hertel
li
ngmet hatIwillnever
seedaddyagai n.Shetoldmet hathewasi n
heavenwi thGodandwasnowanangel .Icried
somuch.Whywoul dGodt akedaddyaway ,who
wasgonnat akemet oschool,whowasgonna
teachmesoccer .Godwasn' tfai
r,Imeant he
bibl
esay shehasmanyangel ssowhyt akemy
onlydadt omakehi m oneofhisangel .

"
HushnowMi mi,
daddysti
lll
ovesyou,hehasn'
t
l
efty
ou,heisupther
ewatchi
ngov eryouand
y
oursist
er.Hewi
llal
waysbewi t
hy ouin
here(shepoint
edmyhear t)andwi
l
lal
way sbe
theretopr
otectyouatall
times"mymother
usedtosaywhenev erIcr
ied.

Li
feWasapaddl eStonethen, Igottowatchmy
mot hercryhersel
ftosleepev erydayandwill
wakeupwear ingasmi l
ejustt ohideher
weaknessf rom us.Iwast herewhenshel ost
weightandwasn' teati
ngany mor e.Iwas
hopelesswhenev ershehadt oj uggleher
daytimejobandt akingcareofus.Shewasmy
hero.Iwantedt ogrowup, fi
nishschool,geta
j
obsot hatIcanbuildacast l
ef orher
I
fonl
yIknewt
hatl
i
fehadot
herpl
ansf
orme

Wellthenbacktoreal
i
ty.
..Mymot hermet
Patr
ickZondoatthefrei
ghtcompanywher e
shewor kedasanHRmanager ,Patri
ckwasa
dri
verthere,
hedroveoneofthebiggestt
rucks.
Hewasf unnyandcool.Irememberhowheuse
totakeust ohistr
uckont heafter
noonwhenI
camebackf r
om school.Helovedmakingjokes.
Iguessmymot herli
kehowf ondhewasofus.
Shelikedhowhemadeusl aughedsoshe
fi
nall
yacceptedhisdinnerdateproposal
.

Irememberhowscar edmymot herwas,

prepar
ingfort
hedat e,shedidn'
tknowwhatt o
wear,shekeptaski
ngmei fShelookeddecent
enough,sheaskedifgoingoutwasr eal
lya
goodthingtodo.
Shewaswor r
iedaboutusbutausi
Pri
sci
ll
aour
nei
ghborassuredhert
hatshewasgonnatake
goodcareofus.

Ir
ememberhowhappyshewasthemorni
ng
af
terherdat
e,andt
heday
sthatf
oll
owed.
Wewer
eal
lhappyMrZondowasagoodman.
Li
fewassl
owlyret
urni
ngbacktonormal
,he
hadbr
oughthopebackint
oourl
ives

Theyoff
ici
all
yannouncedt
hatt
heywerenowa
coupl
etome.Iwashappy ,
Iwantedmymother
tobehappy.
Li
fewentonunt ilPatr
ickf
inal
l
yproposed,
my
motheragreedandt heygotmarr
iedtwoyear
s
i
ntothei
rrelat
ionship.

Iremembert heweddi ngdaypr

ett
ywell
.,
Iwas
thef l
owergir
l,Icoul
dn'tst
opsmil
ingi
nmy
princessywhitefurydresswi
thpi
nkbeadson
thef r
onttop.

Ir
ememberthej
oyandl aught
erthatwasi nt
he
at
mospher
e.Mymot herwasinhersnowwhi te
Bal
lgownwit
hsi
lverbeadsont helace.I
rememberherreachi
ngundert
hebed,
shet
ook
outasmallbox.
I
nsi
dei twasaVeil,
av er
ybeautif
ulVei
lwhi
ch
wascustom madewi t
hsilv
erglit
ter
sonthe
pat
tens.Itwasl
ongandaswhi t
easmy
mother'
sgown.Flowerpatter
nnicel
yembodied
onit
.

"itbel
ongedtomymot her"shesai
dwithtear
s
i
nherey es"shegaveittomeonherdeat hbed,
shesaiditwasspecial"sheconti
nued

Mymot herl
ovedthatvei
l,
itwassospecialt
o
her,
accor di
ngtoher,TheVeilwasasy mbolof
happinessandjoy.I
twast heonlygi
ftshehad
fr
om hermot her.

Af
tert
heweddi
ngt
heywentawayf
ort
wo
weeksl
eavingmysi
sterandIatt
hecar
eofa
t
emporarynanny
.

Nowt heywer
eback,wewer
ehav i
ngdinner,
exci
tementwascl
earl
yvi
si
blef
rom thei
rfaces
astheytol
dusabouthowgr
eatthei
r
Honeymoonwas.
Thepr
esenceofl
ovewasfel
tthemomentone
wal
ksthr
oughourdoorst
ep.

Patr
ickwasj
ustr
ightformymot her
,shehad
fi
nal
lyst
oppedgr
ievi
ng,shefoundhappiness
andshehadmovedonf rom t
hepast.

Iwasnowdoi ngmyt hi
rdgrade,l
if
ewas
ever
y t
hingIhadhoped.Ist
il
lTalkedtomydad
thr
oughpr ay
ersbefor
eIslept.Mom saidhe
couldhearever
ythi
ngIsaidsoItoldhim about
mynewdadandhowgr
eathewas.

IrememberPat
ri
ckreci
ti
ngabeauti
ful
poem
whichhadmymotherintear
satt
hedinner
tabl
e..
..

Mhl aungasangi f
uni ,usuhambanabany e
ngiyoqhubekami nangi kufune.Yabomhl a
ungasashol utho,ungasaf oni,ngiyoqhubeka
ngifonengi kubuzei mpi longikukhumbuzemhl a
si
qal aukubonana.Ngi shosewungi hl
eba
kubanganbakhout hi nginesicefe,
ngizokubhal elaimi yalezoy othandonj aaalo.
Mhl ausungi shay angempamaut hiangiy
eke
ukukul andela,ngiyohl alaphansi ngikhale
ngitetemengi kubukani senabant ubazothi
uhambanohl anya.St handwangi qondeukuthi,
i
mpel angekengi vumeukuhl ukananawe.Ngeke,
ngizolwa.Uy ay i
phili
sai nhl
iziyoyam.
Seli
yashonai
l
angasthandwa,
amathunzi
asemadewonke,hl
alanamisekuy
ahlwa.

I
twasapoem bySboMbut howhichwasmy
mom'
sfavour
it
epoet .Bythetimehewasdone
mymom wasalreadyintears.

"that'
ssosweet ysthandwasaam"sheSai d
throughthetears,Iknewthatshecriedbecause
thosepoemsr emindedherofmydad, hewas
theonewhoact uall
yint
roducedhertopoet ry,
thefir
stdatetheyhadwasatapoet ryclub
closertowherewest ay
ed.Mydadwasal soa
poetrywrit
er,henev ert
ookitser
iouslythough,
tohimi twasjustahobby .
..
.

Afterdinnermymom washedt
hedisheswith
Patri
ckhel pi
nghi
m.Theyal
waysdi
dev er
ythi
ng
together.
Ihav enoi deawhatwentwr ong.Wewer eso
perfect,everyt
hingwasper f
ectunt
ileverythi
ng
j
ustchanged.Ay earaf
tert
heirmarri
age
every t
hingjustchanged.Fortheveryfir
stt i
me
Patrickcamehomesodr unkhecouldbar ely
stand.Hecamehomeatal mostmi dnight

Mysi
sterandIwer
eal
readyasl
eep.

Aloudbangandnoi
seswokemeup.Igotout
ofbedandopenedt
hedoorsl
i
ght
ly.Icoul
d
cl
earl
yheart
hem ar
gui
ng.

Patr
ickdemandedhisf
oodwhil
emymom was
eagertoknowwherehewascomingf
rom t
hat
l
ate.
IguessPatri
ckhatedtobequest
ionedabout
hi
swher eabout
s.Sohebecamedef ensiv
eand
vi
olent
.Hest ar
tedthr
owingdi
shesont hefl
oor
.
Glassshatt
eredasift
heywerebreaki
ngi nmy
head

Mom wasy el
li
ngfrom thet
opofhervoi
ce.
Clear
lyshewasmad, Ihadnev
erseenhermad,
wellmaybeit
sbecauseIhadneverwi
tnesseda
fi
ghtbetweenheranddad.

Ist
oodtherescar
edandf ear
ful
,Ihopedt
he
noi
sewon'twakeNomcebo, she'
sfartoyoung
toheart
heinsul
tsthatwerefl
yi
ngaroundthe
l
ivi
ngroom.

Iprayedt
oGodt omakethem st
oparguing,
I
askedmyDadt opr
otectmymot herf
rom
Patri
ckbutbot
hmyDadandGodnev erheard
mypray
ers.Befor
elongIhear
dslaps.MyMom
st
art
edsobbingfr
om thetopofhervoi
ce.

Ivi
vi
dlysawPatr
ickkickingherrepeat
edl
yas
shelai
donthefl
oor.Icouldn'
ttakeitany
more
soIheadedst
rai
ghttot heli
vi
ngr oom.

Patr
ickwasal readyontopofher,chokingthe
l
ifeoutofher.Shekeptwi nci
nginpain.SHe
beggedhimt ost opbutheneverdid,
inf acthe
keptonpressingharder.

"St
oppleasest
opyouar
eHur
ti
ngher
"Icr
ied
out.
..
Icoul
dn'
tbar
eseei
ngmymot
herhur
ting.

"Nat
higobackt
obed"her
oar
edatme,
giv
ing
meadeadlyl
ook
Me:
no,
pleasedon'
tki
l
lmymom.

"Yeyvoetsek,
ngit
hehambolala"t
hewas
somethingsoscaryinhi
svoicebutnomat
ter
howscar ediwas,Iwoul
dn'
tleavemymotherto
dieinhi
shands.

Irushedt
owheretheywereandtri
edmyat
mostbesttopushhim ofherbuthevi
olent
ly
pushedmeandIlandedont hewall

"owhumnt
anami
"mymot
hercr
ied.

"gotoyourr
oom nowbef
oreIr
ipy
ouapar
t"he
shout
ed.

"Mi
mimyangel
pleasegot
oyourr
oom and
l
ock"mymom sai
dwi
thpl
eadi
ngey
es.

Me:
butmama,
he'
shur
ti
ngy
ou

Her
:don'
twor
rydearIwi
l
lbef
ine.

Il
ookedatherwi
tht
ear
sst
reami
ngdownmy
cheeks.
ShenoddedandIhesi
tant
lywal
kedaway
.

Igoti
nourr
oom,
lockedt
hedoorandgotonmy
bed.

Icoveredmysel
fhopi
ngnott
oheart
he
screams
"Pl
easedaddysavemommysheneedsy ou"I
keptonsayi
ng.Ir
epeatedt hosewordsunt
ilI
fel
lasl
eepThenextmor ningmymot herwoke
meup.Shewasamess, herfacewasswoll
en,
hereyesal
mosthalfcl
osed, shehadbrui
ses
ever
ywhere

"Am sorr
yIcoul
dn'
thelpyoumah"Isai
d,Iwas
att
het abl
eeati
ngbreakf
ast

Her:i
tsohkdear,
mommyknowst hatyouar
e
st
rongandbrave,Iwil
lbef
ine,
justf
ini
sheat
ing
sothatyoucangetreadyf
orschool

Shef
acedt
heot
hersi
deandwi
pedhert
ear
s.
Iat
emybr
eakf
astt
henwentt
otakeabat
h..
..

Thear
gument
sandt
hef
ight
snev
erst
opped.
I
nsteadi
tgotworse,Pat
ri
ckal
way
scamehome
dr
unk.Hequithi
sjobandwouldf
orcef
ull
y
wantmoneyforboozefr
om mymother
.

Theabusewasunbear
abl
e.Li
fewassour,
the
onl
yti
meIfoundhappi
nesswasatschool
.

I
tgott
oapointwhereIwasnowev
enaf
rai
dto
gohomeaf
terschool
.

Mymotherwasnowazombi
eofher
sel
f,she
wasf
oreverqui
et.
Shewassopal
eandfullofempti
ness.She
di
dn'
tl
aughnorsmi
le.Shedidn'
ttal
ktoanyone.

Al
way
slockedher
sel
finherbedr
oom.
Whenshewasgoi
ngt
owork,sheWor
eheav
il
y
make-
upjustt
ohi
det
hebr
uises.

Awholeyearpassedwit
hourhouset
urnedi
nto
hel
l,
Patr
ickwasnolongert
hemanweknewand
l
oved

Thefunnyandjokesfi
ll
edmanwasgoneanda
beasthadtakenover
.

Thefir
stofJanuar
y2013i
sthedayt
hat
changedever
ythi
ng.
Mom andPat ri
ckhadt heemostgruesomef i
ght
on31stbeforemi dni
ght.Bytheti
mepeopl el
it
thefi
reworksmymom hadl ockedhersel
finher
room cl
eaningherwoundswhi lePat
ri
ckdr ov
e
outwithhi
sf r
iendinmom' scar.
CeboandIwatchedt
hef
ir
ewor
ksar
ound00:
30
wewenttobed.

Iwasthefi
rstpersont owakeupont hatday,
Patr
ickwassleepingont hecouchwitha
sl
enderwomanont opofhim.Ther
ewer ecans
ofal
coholal
lovert hetable.

Iwenttocheckonmymot heronthebedroom
butwhenIgotthereshewasn'
tther
e.Ichecked
theshoweranditwasempty.

Al
lhermake-
upst
uffwer
enotont
het
abl
e.

Iopenedt
hecl
osethercl
othesandshoeswer
e
gone
"no.
.no"Iwasi
ndi
sbel
i
ef.

"sav ethosetears,Sheisgone,shetookher
stuffandleft
"Pat r
icksaidwit
hagrinonhis
face.Hewasl eani
ngont hedoorfr
ame,Ihad
noideawhenhecamei n.

Icoul
dn'
tbel
i
evethi
s,hewasl
yi
ng.Mymom
can'
tj
ustl
eaveus.
..
.

#ADMI
N
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYTWO

(
feel
i
ngsuf
focat
ed)
Inmylanguagekuyayekuthiweintandaneenhle
ngumakhothwaunina.Whichmeansnot hi
ng
beat
samot her'
slove.Amot her'
sloveisunli
ke
anyother
,hereIwasaloneandder anged,how
coul
dshe.Sheleftus,sheleftwi
thoutsayi
ng
goodbye.
Ithoughtshelovedus,wearesupposedt
obe
herprior
it
y,shecan'
tjustpackandl
eave.

"Ncoooh,wi
pethosetear
swoul dyou,
don'
tbe
afr
aid"hewal
kedclosert
ome, Itookfewst
eps
backunti
lIr
eachedthewall
,therewasnowher
e
togo.

Hekeptoncoming,hescar
esme.Thel ookhe
hasi
nhiseyesfr
ightensme.Ther
e'ssomethi
ng
sosi
nist
erandevil
abouthi
m.
Hisawfulbr
eathepollut
edmynost r
il
st he
momenther eachedme.Hebr ushedmy
shoul
der,
hishandr andownunt ili
treachesmy
butt
,hesqueezeditIquickl
yjumpedand
removedhishands.Ididn'
tli
kehowhet ouched
meitwasuncomf ortable

Hel aughsandl ickshislipshungr i

l
y,hewhistl
es
stari
ngatmyt inybody.Iam sl enderbynatureI
haven'tdevelopedany thing,mychestisstil
las
fl
atast hatofaboy ,mybut tjustasti
ny,i
ts
hardlyvisi
ble,whatmor ecany ouexpectina
bodyofani ney earsol
d.Iam st il
lweari
ngmy
l
ongl ooseni ghtdresssowhyi shestari
ngat
mybodyl i
keahungr yli
onr eadytodevourits
prey.
"don'tworr
y,am here,Iwil
lprot
ecty ou,
Iwil
l
takegoodcareofy ou"hesay s,
het r
ied
touchingmypri
vatepar tbutIquickl
ymov ed
away
"what
'
swr
ong,
whyar
eyousoj
umpy
"hi
sey
es
ar
enowbl
oodr
ed.

"Iwantmymommy "tearsr
oll
eddownmy
cheeks,
Ican'
tswal
l
owt hi
sbiglumponmy
thr
oat.

"shel
eftyoudon'
tyouunderst
and,shedoesn'
t
l
oveyou,shel
eftyou.WhenIgotherethi
s
morni
ngshetoldmet hatshewasl
eaving.
Shesaidshehatedthi
shouse.Shetol
dmeshe
wast i
redofr
aisi
nguselessgi
rl
sli
keyou.Itr
ied
stoppi
ngherbutshetol
dhernewboy f
riendto
beatme.
Shei
snevercomingback,
shechoseanot
her
maninst
eadofyou"hesays.
Myt ear
spouredoutli
keaheavyr
ain.Icoul
dn'
t
stopthem.Iwaslef
tinagutt
erwi
thnoonet o
ranto.

"shhhhsweet
ystopcryi
ng,Iwil
ltreatyoul
i
ke
thequeent
hatyouare"hetr
iestouchingme
agai
nbutIqui
cklyt
urnjusti
ntime

Myhearti sthumbingr
ightoutofmychest,
my
headisthrobbing,
Iwannagetawayfrom hi
m
butIdon'tknowhow.

"getawayf
rom me,
ihat
eyou"Iscr
eamed

"l
ist
enhereyouspoil
edbrat
"hehel
dmywri
st,
hi
sgripsoti
ghti
tfeel
sli
kehewasgonnar
ip
outmyhand.
"y
ouoweme"hewhi
sper
edi
nmyear
.

"hai
boAl
fred,
whydi
dyouleavemealone"a
l
ady'
svoi
cesaid,
hequi
ckl
yletgoofme.

"hay
yiIwasj
ust
..
.."hest
utt
ered

"kwenzekanilah,uy
enzan'i
ngane"thel
adysai
d,
i
tstheslenderladythatwassleepi
ngonthe
couchwithhim.

"
Zamapl
easestopmeddl
i
ng, Iwasatt
endi
nga
f
amil
ymatt
er,
goandgetdressed"hesays

Her:owhsonowam meddli
ng,It
houghtyou
sai
dIwasgonnabepartoft
hisfamil
ysoon
Hi
m:goshnotnow,
gogetdr
esssot
hatIcan
dr
ivey
ouhome.
Her
:yohur
ightNana,

Ij
ustranoutoft
her
oom.Iwentbackt
omy
bedr
oom, sl
ammedthedoor
Whichscaredcebo,
shesatr
ubbedherey
es
andlookedatme.

Iwentt
othecl
osett
ookoutsomet
hingdecent
towear
.
Al
lal
ongCebowasl
ooki
ngatme.

"wher
eareyougoing"shef
inal
l
yspoke.Iknew
shewasgonnaaskthat
.
Shealwaysasksmet hatany
timesheseesme
changingcl
othes.I
nfactsheli
kedfol
lowi
ngme
around.
Me:
am notgoi
ngany
wher
e.

Shelookedatmeandsul
ked,
sur
elyshet
hinks
am Lyi
ngtoher.

Me:am r
eal
l
ynotgoi
ngany
wher
e,ar
eyou
hungr
y

Shenodded.

Me:
doy
ouwantbr
eadorcer
eal

Her
:Iwanttoast
edbr
ead,
Iwantmommyt
o
makei
t.Il
ovehowshemakesit
.
Ifel
ttear
sburni
ngmyey
es,
howdoIt
ell
her
thatmom isgone.

Me:
wel
lmom hasal
readygonet
owor
k.

Her
:butshewasher
e.

Me:
when.

Her
:notlongago,
shewasSad,
shesai
dshe
wassorr
y .

Me:whoawhatar
eyout
alki
ngabout
,mom was
nev
erher
e.

Her
:butshewasIswear
,Isawher
.
Me:heydon'
tEversweari
nvei
n,mom sai
dwe
mustn'
tdothat
.

Her
:butam notl
yi
ng,
shewasher
e.

Me:
/wel
lmay
bey
ouwer
edr
eami
ng

Her
:itwasr
eal
,shewasr
eal

Me:
ahl
etmegoandpr
epar
ebr
eakf
ast

Ichangedi
ntoaj
eanandIl
ooset
op.
Iwor
emysl
eeper
sthenex
itedt
her
oom

Thehousewasqui
et.Ipl
uggedt
heket
tl
ethen
t
ookabl
ackpl
ast
icbagandt
hrewt
hecans

WhenIwasdoneIsweptt hewhol
ehousej
ust
l
ikehowmymom t aughtme.Iwasdonei
nno
t
imeandthehouselookedlessmessy
.

West i
ll
stayedinmyl atedad'shouse.I
twasa
hugehousewi t
h5bedr ooms, andtwo
bathr
ooms, agigant
ickitchen,anopenlounge
andadiningarea.

West ayedandmi ngledwiththeri

chinthe
est
ateofUmhl angarocks.Ther
euset obea
poolatthebackbutmydadgotr idofit,
they
sai
dt hatIalmostdrownedwhi l
eIwasst i
lla
chi
ld.Sof orsafet
yreasonsmydadr emov edit
.
Outsi
dewasaneatl
ytr
immedandMor
ngr een
gr
ass.Wit
hdecor
ati
vefl
ower
sonthef
rontlawn.
Mydadwasawel lof
fman,heWorkedatthe
f
rei
ghtcompanyasthemanager
,hewaswell
r
espect
ed.Heli
kedtopl
ayandhardl
ytal
ked.
TheysayIl
ookalotl
i
kehi
m whi
l
ecebowasa
spl
it
ti
ngimageofmymother
.

Am fairi
ncomplexi
onandhardlygr
owmyhai
r,
growingupIal
way sl
ikedshor
thair
,may
bei
s
becauseIwasafrai
dofthecomb.
Cebohadl
ongri
cht
hickhai
r,shewasl
i
ghti
n
compl
exi
onandwasabitchubby.
.

AfterIwasdonesweepi ngImadet ea,

bread
andeggsf orCebo.Ical
ledher.Shecame
dragging,
Fuggy,herhugeteddybear,t
hebear
wasal mostastall
asher .Mommyhadbought
i
tforheratherfif
thbirt
hday.
"Iwant
edtoast
edbr
ead"shecompl
ainedt
he
momentshesat.

Me:butyouknowIdon'
tknowhowt
ousethe
t
oastersohowam Isupposet
omakeat
oast.

Shekeptqui
etandwasupset
.

Me:
comeoneatnow,
Ipromi
sewewi
l
lgot
o
t
heshopwheny
oudone.

Her
:real
l
y

Shebeamed.
Me:
yesbutonl
yify
ouf
ini
shy
ourf
ood.

Her
:okay
,bhekasi
siMi
nangy
adl
a,

Shest
art
eddi
ggi
ngi
nherf
ood
IhopedIhadf
ewcoi
nst
obuyheri
cecr
eam.

Imadecerealformysel
fandj
oinedher
,aft
er
wewer edoneIwashedthedi
shesthenwe
wenttotheshop,af
tert
heshopItookceboto
thepar
k,weplayedabit,

Wewenthomearoundmidday.Thehousewas
sti
l
lemptymyst
epdadandthatladywerest
il
l
nowher
etobeseen.
Iwentbackt
othei
rbedr
oom
Isearched,
Idi
dn'
tknowwhatIwasl ooki
ngfor
butIwashopingIcanf i
ndsomet
hingthat
couldconvi
ncemet hatmom wasnotgone

Undertheirbedwasthatt
inybox,Ipul
ledi
tout.
Insi
dewast hatvei
lsheworeonherwedding
day.Shelefti
t.Whywouldsheleavesomethi
ng
shevaluedsomuch.

Il
ookedatit
,thi
swasabeaut i
fulpi
eceofar t
.I
hadhopedtowearitsomedaywhenIf i
nd
someonetomar r
yme.Iplaceditbackinthe
boxandtooktheboxwithme.Ihiditundermy
bed.

Weat
ethepr
evi
ousni
ght
'
slef
tov
ersf
orsupper
.

Ar
oundni
newewer
eal
readyi
nourbeds
"
Whyi smommysti
l
lnotback,
shenev
erwor
ks
l
ate"cebosai
d.

Ikeptqui
etnotknowingwhattosayt
oher,j
ust
l
ikeherIwasalsohopingt
hatmom wouldbe
backbynight
fal
lbutshenevercameback.

"may beshehastoomuchwor k,
wewill
seeher
tomorrowmorningohk"Isai
d,morel
i
ke
reassuri
ngmyself
.

Her
:Imi
ssher
,shei
sal
way
ssadnowday
s.

Me:
she'
sjustabi
tst
ressedt
hat
'
sal
l
.

Her
:isi
tbecauseDaddyPatbeather
.
Icoughedv
iol
ent
ly,
Iwasn'
texpect
ingt
hat
.

"
Arey
oual
ri
ght
"shesay
s.

Me:yes,y
esam fine,
whywoul
dyout
hink
daddyPatisbeat
ingmom.

Her:Isawt
hem f
ight
ing,
somet
imest
heymade
noi
sesoIwokeup.Ihear
dmommycrying.She
sai
ddaddywashurti
ngher.

Ikeptqui
et.

Me:
let
'sj
ustsl
eepnow,
am t
ir
ed
Her
:ohk,
goodni
ghtMi
mi

Me:
nightpr
incess.

Iwenttol
ockt
hedoor.Well
Ial
way sl
ockedi
t
eversi
ncet
hefi
ghter
uptedint
hishouse.

Fewdayswentbywithoutanysi
gnofmom or
mystepdad.Itol
dcebothatmom wentt
ovisi
t
adist
antr
elat
ive,
Idi
dn'tknowwhatel
setot
ell
her
.

I
twasaSundayMorni
ngwhenmystepdad
dr
ovei
n,hewasusi
ngoneofmyfat
her'
scar.
hepar
kedont
hedr
ivewayandwal
kedi
n.

Wewer
ewat
chi
ngcar
toons
"owhsoyout
woarest
il
lal
ive,It
houghthunger
wouldhav
eki
l
ledt
hebothofyoubynow"he
sai
d.

Hedi
sappearedi
nther
oomsandcameback
wi
thourcl
othesandmostot
herhousei
tems.

Cebo:
daddywher
eareyout
aki
ngourcl
othes,
ar
ewegoingsomewher
earewegoi
ngtosee
mom.

Him:goingtoseey ourmot her

,whichmother.
Yourlust
fulmotherabandonedy ou,shel
eft
wit
hanot herman,shei snotcomingback.And
am goingtosel
lthi
scl othes
Wear
ehav
ingay
ardsal
e.
Cebo:butt
hosear
emypreschool
clot
hes,
are
yougoingt
obuyusnewclot
hes.

Him:youreal
lycrazy,f
rom nowon, youwon'
tbe
att
endinganypreschool,
infactnoonewould
beatt
endinganyschool i
nthishouseIdon'
t
havemoneyt opayforyourschoolfees.

Me:please,
pleasebabadon'tdothattous,
you
canputmet oapublicschoolIwon'tmindj
ust
don'
tmakeusqui tSchool.

Iwasal
readyonmykneesbeggi
ng.

Him:at
tendpubl
icschool
wit
hwhichunif
orm.
Youarenotgoi
ngtoanyschool
,per
iod!
Hewalkedoutwit
hourcl
othes.Hecameback
andcol
lectedmor
ehouseit
ems, mymom's
di
shes,cupsandsomefur
niture.

Wesatandwat
chedashesol
dal
lthehouse
i
tems.

Hehadt
akenall
ourgoodcl
othesandonl
ythe
r
agswer
eleft
.

Iwashurtbey
ondrepai
r,hehadsoldmyschool
uni
form.Hewasreal
lyseri
ousaboutt
heschool
matter
.

Bef
oresunsethehadsoldev
ery
thi
ng.Hedrove
out
,thencamebackaround10pm smel
l
ingli
ke
abrewery
.
Themi
nuteshest
eppedinthelounge.Wej
ust
st
oodupandwenttoourroom

"mxm ungr
atef
ull
i
ttl
ebr
ats"hemumbl
edaswe
l
eft
.

Wegoti
nourr
oom l
ockedt
hedoor

"Mimiam scar
ed"cebosai
dwit
htear
s
str
eamingdownhercheeks.

"i
tsohkNanadon'tbeafr
aid,am her
ef oryou,
I
wi
llal
wayspr
otectyou"Ihuggedhertightl
y

"
Mommyi
snotcomi
ngback?
"shesay
s.

Me:
Idon'
tknow,
shemi
ghtcomebackf
orus.
Iwasal
soconv i
ncingmyself
,par
tofmedi dn'
t
wannabeli
evethatmymot herwasgone.Iwas
hopi
ngthatshewouldcomebackf orus.

Maybeonemor ni
ngwewouldwakeupandf
ind
heri
ntheki
tchenmaki
ngbreakf
astf
oruswi
th
awarm smi
le.

I
twasn'
tl
onguntil
Iheardcebosnori
ngsof
tl
y.
Thenmystepdadwasbusycomplaini
ngabout
thef
oodandhowt er
ri
blei
ttast
ed.

Heknockedonourdoorbusyyell
i
ngand
shout
ingbutInev
eropenedforhi
m.

I
nfactIhadsnuggl
edmy sel
fatt
hecorneroft
he
bedagainstt
hewallr
ockingmysel
fbackand
f
our
th.
Isohopedandprayedt
hatmyfatherwaswi
th
meandwouldprotectmefrom t
his.

#admi
n
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYFI
VE

(f
rom gr
acet
ogr
ass)

Wenowl ivei nacor nerofmampungushecal l

ed
Mf ul
eni
.inacr ampedhundr ed-square-
f oot
shackthathasnonat uralli
ghtorv enti
lati
on,
withacorrugat edmet alsheetservingast he
roof.I
tvi
br atesviol
entlywhenev eratrain
passesov erhead.Ther eisnorunningwat erand
nosani t
ation…Iam notaloneinMf ul
eni
.Ther
e
areami ll
ionpeoplelikeme, packedi
nat wo-
hundred-hectaretr
iangleofswampyur ban
wasteland, wherewel i
veli
keanimalsanddie
l
ikeinsects…
opendrainsteem wit
hmosquit
oes.It
sstinking,
excrement-
li
nedcommunal l
atr
inesarefullof
rat
s…Moundsoff il
thygar
bageli
eonev ery
corner
.

Wehav emovedi
nhereaweekago.WellIst
il
l
rememberhowmystepdadt
oldusthathehad
soldt
hehouseandwehadtomovehere.

IrememberCebowai li
ngfr
om thetopofher
voicesayi
ngshedoesn'twantt
ogo.My
stepdadthreat
enedtofl
ockherifshedi
dn'
t
keepquiet.Sothenewsofusmov ingwere
actual
lyshoveddownourThroats.Wehadto
acceptthesi
tuat
ionASAP.Icr
yal
lni
ghthopi
ng
thatt
hiswouldbeadream.
IhopeIwil
lwakeupbacki nourhouse.But
thent
hatneverhappens.

Ihavelef
tal
ltheli
feIknowbehind,
myfr
iends,
myschool,t
hepeopleIhaveknownand
event
uall
ymyl i
fe.
Herewestayinathr
eeroom shack.I
tsa
ki
tchen,
hisbedr
oom andourbedroom.
Weslepti
nast
eel
3quar
terbed,
Ceboal
sohas
her
s.
Iwasal
waysindoor
sher
e,i
hadnof
ri
endsand
thi
spl
acest
inks.
Atleastwewerealit
tl
elesshungr
yhere.My
stepdadoft
enbri
ngsfoodwheneverhecomes
backfrom wher
everhenormall
ygoes.
Cebowouldal
waysaskwhenweweregoing
backtoourol
dhouse.Shewoul
dcr
yforno
reason.
Shewasalwayssadandthatbrokemeeven
more.Butshehadfoundagirl
thatshepl
ayed
wit
h,agi
rluptheroadhernamewasLisa.
Unli
kemeshegotachancet
oleav
eourcr
ampy
houseandgot
oplay
.
Thi
spasttwodaysshewasbet
tert
hanwhen
wefi
rstar
ri
vedatl
eastnowshesmil
ed.
Iremembert hefi
rstdaywecameher e.I
start
edt osuspectsomet hingwasnotqui te
ri
ghtwhenIwasgr eetedbysomeonewhose
onlycommuni cati
onwi thmewasaf ewbar el
y
audibl
egr unts.Wepar kedi nfrontofthisrust
ed
place,openedt hedoorandt hesmel lofdamp
hi
tmel ikeaboxingWr estl
er.Theplacewas
dark,wet urnedont helightsandi r
eallywished
Ihadn't.Ineverycorneroft heroom therewasa
l
argepatchoffur
rymoul d,therustedsofahad
anumberofv er
ysuspiciouslookingstai
nsonit
andthedoor,
wellitshouldhavebeen
condemnedyearsago( ohwel l
af ewmor edays
andmaybeitcanthrowi tsel
faway ).
Ir
eal
lydon’
twantt
osleepout
side…buti
twas
waybett
ert
hanhere.

Mystepdadwi
llsayst
opcomplai
ningsome
f
ourpeopl
eget
scr ammedint
oasmal lbed…

IalsoREALLYdidn’
twanttoeatr i
ceandbeans
again.Inf
act,
Ipret
tymuchnev erwanttosee
ri
ceandbeansagai n.I
’mfeeli
ngcold,
damp,
dir
ty,andcongest
edl i
keImightgetacol
din
thenextdayortwo.
Butthenagai
n,eat
ingri
ceandbeansi
sway
bet
terthannoteat
ingatal
l
.
I
twasaFridayaft
ernoonZi
thahadinvi
tedme
overt
oherhouse.Iwaswit
hCebo,west ood
neart
hemainroadwaiti
ngforherf
ather'
scar.

Mystepdadhadgivenusafussaboutgoi
ngt
o
Zi
tha'
splacebuthefi
nal
lyagr
eed.Wewere
goi
ngtospendthewholeweekendatthei
r
pl
ace.

AwhiteA4parkedinf
rontofus.Weopenedt
he
backdoorandjumpedin.

"hi
babaZi
zi
"cebosai
dlooki
ngal
lexci
ted.

Him;
hiCeboyou'
vegrownsobi
g,y
oual
most
asbi
gasyoursi
ster
.
Cebo:
tomor
rowIwi
l
lbebi
ggert
hanher
.

Hi
m: y
eahangel
youwi
l
lbehuge.Sawbona
I
minat
hi.

Me:
yebobaba,
ninj
ani

Hi
m:si
yaphi
l
athi
namnt
anam

Heconti
nuedhavi
nganev
erending
conv
ersat
ionwit
hCebowhil
eIsati
nsi
l
ence.

Mymindwasmi l
esaway ,Iv
aguely
r
emember edhowitusetobeli
keridi
nginmy
f
ather
'scar,
Iwastheloudonethen.Iuset
osi
t
i
nthefront
,
"onedayy
ouwillbeanexcel
l
entdri
ver
"he
usedt
osaybecauseIUsetolov
ethefr
ontseat
somuch.

"weAr
ehere"ceboshookmebr i
ngi
ngmeout
ofmyt
rance.Wehadparkedi
nthedri
veway
.
WegotoutandIcoul
dn'
tst
opst
ari
ngatwhat
usedt
obeourhouse.
Ther
ewer
esomepeopl
erepai
nti
ngi
t.
I
tdi
dn'
tev
enl
ookandf
eel
li
kehomeany
mor
e.

"heyf
ri
end"Zi
thahuggedme.

Me:
hey
,wowIl
i
key
ourhai
rdo.

Her
:thanx,
sisPam br
aidedme.
Shehadni
cest
rai
ghtupcor
nrows,

"Icant
ell
mymom t otakeyoutheresothat
shecanbrai
dyourhai
rtoo"sheconti
nues.

Me:
not
hanks,
Ili
kemyshor
thai
r.

Her:l
iar
,youar
ejustaf
rai
dthatshe'
sgonnapul
l
yourhai
r.

Me:
noam not
.

Cebo:am notaf
rai
dZi
ziMi
na,
Ial
sowanthai
r
l
ikeyour
s.
Her:
ohkam gonnat
ell
mymom t
otakey
out
o
si
sPam ohk.
..

Cebo:
yeeey
,,
,,
am gonnal
ookbeaut
if
ul

"sofri
endhowisyournewpl
ace,
am sur
eisso
beauti
ful
"sheasksaswemakeourwaytothe
house.

Me:
wel
li
tsbet
tert
hanbei
nghomel
ess.

Her
:youdon'
tsoundt
hri
l
led.

Me:
wel
lam j
ustt
ir
ed.

"finethenl
etsgoputy
ourbagsi
nmyr oom so
thatIcanshowyouthecl
othest
hatIchosefor
y
ou.
"Shesay
s.

Me:
clot
hes,
whatcl
othes.

Her
:mommyboughtt
hem f
ory
ou,
butIchose
t
hem

Me;
ohwow.

"come,l
etmegoshowyou"shehel
dusby
handsandr
ani
nthehouse.

"zee,Isai
dnor
unni
ngi
nthehouse"Mr
sNkosi
cal
ledout.

"baf
iki
l
emah"shescr
eams.
"owhsanbonanigi
rl
s"MrsNkosisai
dasshe
appearedfr
om t
hekit
chendoorweari
ngapi
nk
apron,shewaswipi
ngherhandswit
hadish
cl
oth

"
Yebomah"ceboandIsai
dsi
mul
taneousl
y.

Her
:howwasy
ourt
ri
p.

Me:
itwasgood.

Her
:youmustbeti
redandy
ourf
ri
endi
sal
ready
maki
ngyourun.

Cebo:am nott
ir
ed,
Iwantt
oseemynew
cl
othes.
"haaZee,
,youhav
ealr
eadyt
oldt
hem"
excl
aimedmrsNkosi
.

Zi
thaj
ustsmi
l
edandl
ookedaway
.

"ohkthem youkidsgoaheadandt ryt

hem on,
if
somethingdoesn'tf
ityouwil
ltel
lmesothatwe
wil
ltakeitbackohk"shelookedatuswit
hso
muchpi t
y

"y
ebomah,
syabongamah"Isai
d.

"i
tsohk,
youdon'
thavet
othankme,
yougi
rl
s
ar
emykids"shesay
s.

Wer
ant
other
oom,
Zit
hat
ookoutt
hepl
ast
ics,
shespr
eadt
hecl
othesont
hebed.
Therewassomanycl ot
hes,beauti
fuland
expensi
vecl
othes,
theysti
l
lhadt hei
rtagson
CeboandItr
ythem on,
theyal
lfi
tt
edus
per
fect
ly.
Ther
ewasonej
umpsui
tIpar
ti
cul
arl
yli
ked.
I
twasblackandshor
t,i
thadnost
ri
pesandhad
afl
oweronthefr
ont.
It
ri
edi
tonagai
n

"y
oureal
l
yli
ket
hatonedon'
tyou"Zi
thasay
s
wi
thasmil
e.

Me:alot,
itsbeaut
if
ul,
all
thecl
othesar
e
beaut
if
ul.

Zi
tha:
kthen,
weari
tfordi
nner
,itl
ooksni
ceon
y
ou.

Me:
thanky
ou.

Wesatthereandpl
ayedar
ound,cebowasso
happywit
hhernewclot
heswhichmademe
evenhappi
er.
Itwasaround5pm butthesunwassti
ll
up,
that
'sbecausei
twasmi dsummersowhenits
star
ttogetdarkweallknowthati
ts7pm.

Wewentt oplayoutsi
debecauseZi
tha'
smother
wasprepari
ngdinnerandherfat
herhaddr
ove
outaf
terdroppi
ngus.

WewenttotheBackyard,
Icouldseet
hecoupl
e
t
hatboughtourhouseattheback.
Theywerehav
ingami
nibr
aai
wit
hsomeshady
l
ookingguy
s.

Idraggedzi
thabyherhandandwewentt
othe
fence

"what
'
sgoi
ngon"shecompl
ained

"i
saidI’
dshowyouamy
ster
y.”Iwhi
sper
edas
wereachedt
hef
ence

“Ithoughty
oumeantoneofthetr
easur
es,
or
somet hi
ngbutther
esnot
hingher
e,i
tsj
ust
fence”shesays

“No.Imeantt
oshowy ou,hi
m.There’
s
somethi
ngshif
tyabouthi
m.I’v
ebeenkeepi
ng
aneyeonhi
m.He’suptosomet hi
ng.
”Ipoint
ed
atthemanwhoboughtourhouse.Helooked
scary
.
"mxm youcrazy
,Mrdi
ggeri
sagoodman,
let
's
go"shepul
l
edmyhandandIt r
ipped

“
Myf
aul
t,
”shesay
s.“
All
myf
aul
t.Ar
eyouhur
t?”

“
Don’
tthi
nkso,
nowounds”

Shebegant
olaugh

“
What
’sf
unny
?”

“Ther
earethi
ngsint
hecount
rythatsmellqui
te
asfoulasthi
ngsi
nthet
own.Onlyvegetabl
e
foul
,notsmoky.I
’
venev
ersmeltanythi
nginthe
l
east–liket
his.
”shesay
spoi
nti
ngatt
hepl
ant
t
hattr
ippedme.

"
It
’swi
ldgar
li
c.I
tisn’
tver
yni
ce.
”Isai
dcl
eani
ng
mysel
f.

Her
:yuck,
itst
inks.

Me:
theysayi
tget
sri
dofsnakes

Her:Iwoul
dn'tar
guethat
,ImeanifIwer
ea
snakeIwouldn'
tstandt
hissmel
l.

Il
ookedbackatt
hatman.

"st
opst
ari
ngathi
m,he'
snotabadman"she
say
s
Me:
buthet
ookourhomeawayf
rom us.

Her:myfat
hersaidt
hedigger
sboughtthe
housefr
om yourdadsohedidn'
ttakei
t.

Me:
theyar
ethi
eves,
theyst
oleourhouse.
Her
:not
heydi
dn'
t.
Me:
soundsl
i
key
oudef
endt
hem.
Her:
am j
ustsay
ingt
heyar
egoodpeopl
e,t
hey
ar
enotthi
eves.

Il
ookbackandhewasst
ari
ngatmeand
l
aughi
ngwithhi
swif
e
Me:l
ookatthat
,whyar
etheyal
lj
ustst
ari
ng
andl
aughi
ngatme.
"theyar
ejustt
alki
ngt
hei
rbusi
ness,
stopbei
ng
paranoi
d"shesays

Me:nolookatthem,theyar
elaughi
ngatme
am t
ell
i
ngy ou.Ihat
ethem,theyst
oleour
House

Her
:may
betheysensethaty
oudon'
tl
iket
hem
sot
heyj
ustdon’
tli
keyou.

Me:
Oh,
thanks,
thatmademef
eel
bet
ter
.

Her
:Don’tgetli
kethatwit
hme, Idon’
tknow
whytheydidi
t,idontknowwhyt heywere
l
aughingbuttheydi
dsoy ouneedt ogetoveri
t.

Me:
Zit
ha,
you’
remeantt
obemyf
ri
end,
you’
re
meantt
ohel
p.

Her:I’
m doingmybest !Idon’
tknowwhat ’
s
wrongwi t
hy ou;l
atel
yy ou’
vebeenreall
ymoody
all
thebloodyt i
me!Youaccusepeopl ewrongl
y,
youjudgeev er
yonearoundy ou.Ev
ersinceyou
mov edyouchanged.

Me: Andwhydoyout hinkt hatis?Ev er

ybody
hatesme,myso-call
ed‘ bestf r
iend’doesn’
t
evencareandnowy ou’recompl aini
ngthatI
’m
i
nabadmoodal lt
het i
me!Ij ustlostmyhome, I
hatemynewplace.Ev erythingisamess

Her:Wellmay beI’m complai

ningbecausebei
ng
fr
iendswithyoumakesev eryonehateme,andI
don’twantthat!Youwantt oturnmei nt
othi
s
goofymeanper sonthatyouhavebecome.
Me:Fi
nethen,
go!I
t’
snotl
i
keany
oneel
se
st
ayedtohel
pme!.

Shel
eav
es,
iwat
chedasshewal
kedaway
.
Iscr
eamed, Ifel
tli
kei wascari
ngt heworldon
myshouldersandi tIswei
ghingmedown.I
wentbacktoCebo, Zi
thawasalreadywithher,
shehadgivenhert wobeauti
fuldolls,
theyused
tobeherdolls.

"LookMimi,Zi
zigav
emebabi
es"shebeamsas
shesaysthat.

Me:
ncooht
hat
'sni
ce,
yourbabi
esar
ebeaut
if
ul.

Isat
,andi
twassoawkwar
dbecauseZi
tha
wasn'
ttal
ki
ngt
ome.

Lat
erwenti
nthehouseandt
ookabat
h,Iwas
bat
hingwi
thZit
hawhil
eMrsNkosi
bat
hedcebo
i
nthemasterbat
hroom.

"am sor
ryIgotmad"Zi
thaf
inal
l
ysay
s.

Me: noIshouldbetheoneapol
ogi
singf
orbei
ng
ajerk.Am sorr
yIknowIhavebeenmoodyand
hardtodeal wi
thandam sor
ryIt
ookoutmy
fr
ustrati
onony ou.

Her
:it
sohk,
ImeanIgetwhyy
ouar
eangr
y.
Iwil
lal
sobeangryi
fmypar
ent
ssol
dourhouse
andmov edusaway
.
Me:
Iwi
l
lnev
ergetmadaty
ouagai
nohk,
,
,
f
ri
ends

Her
:fr
iendsf
orev
er.
..
..

Wehuggedasnakedaswewer
e

#ADMI
N
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYFOUR

(
Unexpect
edsur
pri
ses)

Iwakeupt omystomachgr owl

ingloudl
y.Iam
famished.Ceboi
ssti
l
l soundasleeponherbed.
Igotofmybedwentt othekit
chent opr
epare
somet
hingt
oeat
Thev
eryf
ir
stthi
ngthatcaughtmyeyewast
he
empt
ycor
ner.Dustsurr
oundsthepl
ace
That
swher
ethef
reezeruset
obeatbut
nowi
tsnott
her
e,i
tsgone.
Sti
ll
dumbstruck,
Iwenttolookfori
tintheother
rooms,Iwentout
side,
eveninthegarageitwas
notther
e
Icamebacklosti
nthought
s,maybei
twas
brokenandmystepdadtooki
ttosomeone
whocanf i
xit
,It
hought

Mystomachrumbl
esagai
n,hol
yme,
Ihav
e
f
orgotwhyIcamet
othekit
chen.

Sil
l
yme, Iopenedthecupboar
dsl
ooki
ngfor
cereal
tomysur pr
iset
hecupboar
dsareempty
Thecansofbeansandf
ishar
egone.Al
lthe
cer
ealboxesar
egone.
I
nfactthewholeki
tcheni
scl
ean.Ther
e'sno
f
oodi nthehouse

Ifel
ttear
ssti
ngingmyey esasmyt ummy
star
tstoache,
feelsl
ikemybellybutt
oni
sbeing
pull
edInsi
demyst omach.Isi
tonthechai
rnot
knowingwhattodo.
Igetupfrom thechair
,wentt ocheckt
hebr ead
bi
n,ther
e'sbread,analreadymouldedbread.It
hasthosegreenthingyoni t
.
Iam hungr
yandi
tst
hereonl
yfoodi
nthehouse
soItakeit
.Si
xsl
i
ceareint
here.
Itookoft
hegr
eent
hingsi
nitunt
ili
twasabi
t
eatabl
e.
Icl
eanedall
thesi
xslicebutt
akeonl
ythreeand
l
eavethethr
eeforcebobecausesur
elyshe
woul
dbehungr
ywhenshewakesup.

Ipl
acedthesli
ceinaplat
e,pour
edagl assof
watert
henate,dr
yasthesli
ceare.Ihaveno
choi
ce,t
here'
snospread.

Thebreadsmel
l
sandt ast
esabi
tfunnybutI
havenochoi
cethant
okeeponchewing.

Wi
thi
nmi
nut
esIwasdoneandIf
eltf
ull
.
Iwasht
heplat
eIhaveusedwhenIhearacar
engi
ner
oar
ingoutsi
de.
Ipeekthr
ought
heki
tchenwi
ndowandi
tsmy
stepdad.
Heparksonthedr
iveway
.ABMW M5f
oll
ows
qui
ckl
yafterhi
m.
Amanandawomanst
epoutoft
hecar
.
Theylookabi tyounger,maybei
ntheirLat
e
twenti
es.Thel adywaswearingaveryshort
blackdress.I
tssoshor tam sur
ethatevenif
shebendsherbut twi
ll
beexposed.
Shewaswear
ingaver
yhighheel
,sohighIev
en
wonder
edhowshewalksar
oundinthose.
Imeant
heyl
ookl
i
ket
heycanhur
tthef
eet
.
Shehasonav
eryl
ongweav
e,i
tal
mostr
eaches
herbut
t.
Herweaveisalmostt
hesameastheoneMrs
Nkosihason.She'
syel
lowi
ncomplexi
on,
she
keepschewi
ngharderonabubbl
egum.
Theguyontheot
herhandhasablackf
it
ted
sui
ton,t
heybot
hlookexpensi
ve.

Iqui
cklyhidethemomentt hei
reyesr
estedon
thehouse.Hopi ngthattheydi
dn'
tseeme,Iri
se
toseethem talkingwithmystepdad.Theyar
e
l
ooki
ngaroundt
hevi
cini
tyofourhouse,my
st
epdadseem t
obeshowingthem around.

Icont
inueWashingthedi
shesthemomentI
sawthem headi
ngtowardsthehouse.
Myst
epdadopenedt
hedoor
.

"
Comeoni
n"hei
nst
ruct
edt
hem.

Theywal
kedi
nhandi
nhand.

"wowhoneythi
sisreal
l
ybeaut
if
ul.Ican'
twai
t
tomov
ein"Theladysai
d.

"westi
l
llooki
ngar
ounddearandyoualr
eady
tal
ki
ngaboutmovi
ngin"t
heguysaid.
"Ijustloveithere,sur
ewewi l
ldofew
renovationshereandt herebutothert
hanthat
thishousei sperfect
,it
sexactlywhatIwant"I
froze,weretheyjusttalki
ngaboutbuyingt
he
house, ourhouse.

Gl
assshat
ter
edont hef
loor,Ihadpai
dsomuch
at
tent
iont
othem t
hatIdroppedtheplat
e.
Theyal
lj
umped.

"whatthehel
li
swr
ongwi
thy
ou"myst
epdad
shout
ed.

"i.
..
.Myhandswer
esl
i
pper
y"Iwasal
ready
shaking.

Hi
m:getabr
oom andcl
eant
hismessnow.
Me;
yebobaba.

Thel
adywasl
ooki
ngatmeal
lthi
swhi
l
e.

"hi
dear
"shesay
s.

Me:
himah.

"ki
ds"myst
epdadsai
d.

"theyarejustahandf
ul"t
hatot
herguy
responded.

"that
'swhyam notreadytohaveone,weneed
toenj
oyourpri
vacy"theladysai
dtotheguy.
Theyconti
nuedchecki
ngtherestofthehouse.I
cl
eanedthebott
lesalr
eadyi
nt ear
s,washe
sel
li
ngthehouse.
IfsothenwhatwillhappentoceboAndI ,where
arewegoi ngtol
iv
e.Iwasn'treadytoleav
et he
l
ifethatIhadknownal l
myl i
fe,Iwasnotstr
ong
enought oli
veonthestreet
s.
Howwasallthi
shappeni
ngtous,
whywasi t
happeni
ngt
ous.Didwedosomethingwrong.
WasGodpunishi
ngus.Wil
ll
if
eevergetbet
ter
aft
erthi
s

"Ouch"bl
oodoozedoutofmyi
ndexf
ingerI
havecutmysel
fwit
haglass
Ist
andst
il
ltr
yingt
ost
opt
hebl
ood
Iheadtot
hesinktori
nsemyhand.Thenwent
togetabandageandcover
edt
hecut.
"daddy ,mommysai dyouwoul dwat choverus
andpr otectus,weneedy ounow,weneedy our
protecti
ont hi
smoment .Ican'
tdot hi
sany more.
Am t oyoungt ohandl
eallthi
s"Iprayedtears
stungmyey es.Mychestsuffocat
ed.Ithurts
andIwant edthepai
nandt hesuff
er i
ngtostop.

Iwasscared,
most l
ybecauseImightleavethe
real
it
yIhaveknownallmylif
e.Imightloosemy
fri
endshi
pwit
hZitha.Andifwegetchasedout
wehadnowher etogo.
Idon'
tknowmymot
her
'sf
ami
l
y.Andt
hel
ast
ti
meIsaw
MyFather
'sfamil
ywasaf t
erthefuneral,
they
cametocausechaosblamingmymot herfor
myfat
her'
sdeath,theywantedthehousebut
myfat
her'
slawyershowedt hem papersthat
sai
dmom wast hesolebenefici
aryofthehouse
andmyf
ather
'sasset
s

Irememberthem cur
singussay
ingt
hatwe
werenotthei
rbl
ood.Theysaidmymom wasa
Jezebel
,shegotusfr
om themensheslept
aroundwit
h.

Theyopenl
ypor
tray
edt
hei
rhat
redt
owar
dsus.

Idon'tknowwhyt heybl
amedmymot her
though,Imeantheyknewthatmyf at
herhad
sugardiabet
es,hehadbeendiagnosedyear
s
beforehispassi
ng.
Theyweretherewhenhi
ssicknessgotworse.
Theysawhowmymot hersuf
fered.Sheeven
hadtobatt
lemyf at
hert
otakehisinsul
inshot
s
becausehedidn'
twantt
oany more.
Yett
heyst
il
lbl
ameherf
orhi
sdeat
h.
*
*
*
*
Final
lythosecouplel
eft
,Cebowokeupandat e
thethreesli
cesofbreadthatwerelef
t.Shesti
ll
gavemeaf ussabouthowbadt hebreadtast
ed
andhowshehat edeati
ngdrybread.
Ididn'
tBl
amehert hough,shewasmuch
youngerthanIwas,andshedidn'
tunder
stand
halfofwhatwashappening.
Toherl
if
ewasabedofroses,
itwasper
fect
andshecoul
dhav
eever
ythi
ngshewanted.
Iusetothi
nkli
kethatt
oonotl
ongago.Butnow
am star
ti
ngtoseethi
ngsf
orwhatt
heyreall
y
are.
*
*
*
"Pl
easedon'
tspeedy
ouwi l
lfal
lCebo"wewere
outsi
depl
ayi
ng.Mystepdadhadleftwi
tht
hose
coupl
e.
Hehardl
yst
ayshomet hi
sdaysandIthi
nkit
wasfort
hebestbecausehewasreal
l
ycreepi
ng
meoutwheneverhewasaround.

Cebowasridi
ngonherbi
cycl
e.Well
itusedt
o
bemine,mom hadpr
omisedtobuyceboheron
bef
oreshewentAWOL.
Ikeptpushi
ngherunt
ilshecoul
dri
deonher
own.

Zit
hacametoj
oinus.Wepl
ayedgamesonher
phonewhi
l
eCeborodeonthebi
cycl
e.

Ashadowst
oodabov
eus,
wewer
ebusy
pl
ayingpacmanandmaki
ngnoi
sewhenev
erwe
goteaten.

Webothlookuponl
ytofi
ndSfi
sost
andi
ng
ther
estar
ingatmel
ikeIwassomeki
ndofan
animal
.

"Fisost
opit
,whyAreyoul
ooki
ngatherl
i
ke
that"Zi
thar
emarked

Hi
m:l
ikehow,whydoy
oul
i
kehangi
ngar
ound
wi
tht
heli
kesofher

Zi
tha:
meani
ng

Him:
she'
sdi
rtyandshesmell
s.Justl
ookat
howshe'
sdr
essed.Whatki
ndofaperson
wear
sthat

Iqui
ckl
ypull
edtheri
ppeddr
esstr
yingt
ohi
de
thet
eari
ngonit
.Ifel
tsobel
it
tl
edand
embarr
assed

Zit
ha:youaresomeanandr
ude,am gonnat
ell
dadthatyouwerer
udetomyfr
iend

Hi
m: y
ohf
ine,
Iwi
l
lleav
eyouwi
thy
ourr
igi
d
f
ri
ends
Veleyouhav
enochoi
cewheni
tcomest
o
thi
ngs.

Zi
tha:
andy
oudo,
mxm y
ouar
ejustspoi
l
ed.

Hi
m:what
ever
Helookedatmeagai
n,Iwasal
readyintear
s.
ForamomentIsawhisfacef
rowning.
I
tsli
kehefel
tbadf
orme,
noi
tsmor
eli
kehe
f
eltpi
tyf
orme.

"am sor
ry,Idi
dn'
tmeant
obeadouch"he
fi
nal
l
ysay s.

Ij
ustnoddedandl
ookedaway
.

"any
waymom i
scal
l
ingy
ou"Hesay
stoZi
tha.

Zi
tha:
whatdoesshewant
.

Hi
m:wear
egoi
ngt
othepar
k.
Zi
tha:
owhkonj
etodayi
spar
kday
.

"Mimi
canwegot
oThepar
ktoo"cebocal
l
ed
out
.

Me:
wecan'
t.

Cebo:
haamar
a,whynot
.

Me:angnayoimali
cebo,andyouknowhowy ou
getatthepar
k.Youwil
lwanti
cecream and
stuf
f.

Shef
rownsandIj
ustl
etherbe.
Zi
thabi
dshergoodby
esandl
eav
eswi
thher
br
other
.
*
*
*

I
twasn'
tlongbef
oreIsawt
heNkosi
fami
l
ycar
dr
ivi
ngout.
Theypar
kedi
nfr
ontofourgat
e.

"i
mi bri
ngy oursi
sterl
etsgot
othepar
k"Mr
s
Nkosicall
edout

"Mi
mi asambe"cebosai
d,shehadal
ready
got
tenoffthebi
keandwaspulli
ngmyhand.

"butwear
edi
rt
ymah"Ianswer
ednotwant
ing
t
ogo.

Her
:gochange,
wewi
l
lwai
tfory
ou.

Isatf
orawhi
l
e.

"wewon'
tbr
ingy
oul
ate"sheadded.

Cebo:
pleasemi
micanwego.

Herpl
eadi
ngey
esgott
hebet
terofme.

Me:
ohkmah,
letusgochange

Her
:hur
ryup.
Werantothehouse,
changedi
ntosomet
hinga
l
it
tl
ebitt
orn.
Webothworefl
oral
dresses,
theywer
etheonl
y
dr
essesl
eftt
hatwereinagoodshape

Wewor
esandal
sthenexi
tedt
hehouse.

Wegotatt
heback,
MrNkosi
star
tedt
hecar
anddr
ovet
othepark.

Whenwegott her
eMr sNkosispr
eadtwo
blanket
sunderahugetr
ee,bei
nginther
e
scaredme.Itr
emindedmeofmydr eam.
I
tsgoodt
hatIwasnotal
oneatt
hatmoment
.
Weallsat
,shet
ookoutthepi
cni
cbasketand
di
shedussomesandwiches.
Theyt
ast
eddel
i
ciousImustsay
.
Weat
eunt
ilwewer
eful
l
.

Wewentt
oplayontheswi
ngswhi
l
eMrand
Mr
sNkosiremai
nedbehi
nd.

Sf
isowasbyt
hegi
gant
icwheel
wit
hhi
sfr
iends.
*
*
*

Af
terawhi
l
eMrsNkosical
l
edus.Shegav
eus
moneyt
ogoandbuyi
cecream.
Weheadedt
ot hei
cecream car
avan.
Somet
hingt
oldmetolookback.
Fr
om adi
stanceIcouldseet
heNkosistal
ki
ng
wi
tht
hecouplethatcameinourhouseEarl
ier
.

From howtheyl
aughed,
seemedl
i
ket
heyknew
eachother
.
I
tsl
i
ket
heywer
eol
dfr
iends.

"Zi
thawhoarethosepeopl
etal
ki
ngwi
thy
our
par
ents"Ipoi
ntedatt
hem.

"owht hem,it
sMrAndMr sDigger
,theyar
emy
parent
s'coll
eagueswhydoyouask"she
answeredlookingatMe.

Me:noreason,
buttheyar
ebot
hblackmosso
whatki
ndofblackpeopl
ehasDiggerasa
sur
name.Thatisweir
d.
Her
:wel
lIdon'
tknow,
Iwi
l
laskmymom.

Me,
:noooo,
,
,don'
t,

Her
:whynot
,shewon'
tmi
nd.

Me:Idon'
twantyourmom tot
hinkwewer
e
poki
ngint
othei
rbusiness.
I
tsr
udet
opoke
Besi
desi
tsnobi
gdeal

Her
:ohkt
hen.

Wewalkedbacktotheswingswi
thourice
cr
eam Icoul
dn'
tshakethi
sweir
dfeel
ingIhad
t
hatt
heNkosi
swer
ebadpeopl
e.
Somet
hingwasf
ishyaboutt
hem.

#Admi
n
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYSI
X
(
Sur
pri
ses)

Thetabl
ewasset,wesat
,itwasni
cebei
ngher
e,
i
tsli
kewewer et
hisbi
ghappyfami
lyhav
ing
di
nnertoget
her

.
.st
range.
.It
hough,
asIcaughtSf
isost
ari
ngat
mewi t
habroadsmil
e.
MrsNkosidishesforus,
"isi
tgonnabeenough
dear
"sheaskswi t
hapolitesmil
e.Shel
ovesto
smil
e,Inoddedsmi l
i
ngback

Shecont
inueddi
shi
ngf
orever
yoneel
se.when
shewasdoneweduginpl
ates
Thefoodismout hwater
ing,
shereal
l
yisagreat
cook.Butthenshedidstudytobeachefsoit
s
underst
andable

"t
hej
umpsui
tlooksper
fectony
ou"shesay
s

"Iact
uall
ydi
dn'
tthi
nki
twi
l
lfi
ther
"Zi
tha
answers.

"Metoo,
Iguessyouhaveagoodey e"she
dir
ect
sthatt
oSfisowhosmilesevenbroadl
y,
l
ooksconfi
dentandsoful
lofhimself
.
Ist
aredatthem,confusi
onget
sthebet
terof
me,clear
lyam l
ost.Canany
onefi
ndme.

"
Itol
dyoushewasgonnal
ookl
i
t"Sf
isof
inal
l
y
r
esponded

"andshel
ovesi
t"zi
thaadds.

"f
ri
endcomeon,Il
i
keal
ltheCl
othes"It
ooka
si
ponmyjui
ce.

"yeahIknowbutthisonei
sy ourfav
ouri
te,
well
Fisosur
elyknowsyoubett
er"zit
hastungouta
tongueatherel
derbrot
her
.

"
Whatdoy
oumean"Iasked
Zit
ha:wel
lhechosethejumpsui
t,hel
lhe
i
nsist
edwetakeitsayi
ngthati
twilll
ookni
ceon
you.

"
Andshewasnotwr
ong"Mr
sNkosi
added.

"owh,thankyou"Ireal
l
ydi
dn'
tknowwhatt
o
sayconsider
inghowbadSf
isohasbeen
towar
dsme.

"Don'
tment
ioni
t,i
tlooksbet
tert
hanIexpect
ed"
hechewsonhismeatball
s.

MrNkosiwasbusyhav
ingadr
yconv
ersat
ion
wi
thCebo.
Afterweweredoneeati
ngMrsNkosicl
ear
ed
thetabl
e,shepl
acedthedi
shesi
nthe
dishwasher
.

Wesai
dourgoodni
ght
sthenwentt
oZi
tha'
s
r
oom.

Weweresupposedt
osl
eepi
ntheguestr
oom
butwer
efused,
wewant
edtosl
eepwithZi
tha.

Weplayedaroundabitandgossi
pedbef
ore
act
ual
lyret
ir
ingtobed.

Cebosl
eptbef
oreZi
thaandIdossedof
f.
Wesl
eptar
ound10pm.

Iwasst
il
ldeepi
nmysl
eepwhenav
eryt
err
ibl
e
Ni
ght
mar
ewokemeup.
Myscr
eamssli
cedthr
oughthest
il
lni
ghtai
r.
“
Hel
pme!PleaseGod…helpmeee!”
Zi
thawokeupf r
om hersleep.herbrowneyes
sodarkandsti
llabi
tsl
eepy .Shehadbeendeep
i
nhersleepbutshebolt
edupr i
ghtnow, r
eached
overandswi
tchedonthebedsi del
ight.
“What
’sthematter
,fr
iend?Ar
eyouohk,
did
somethi
ngbity
ouorAr eyouhavi
nga
ni
ghtmare?”
Iwassweati
ngandcryi
ng,myhear
tthumbed
ri
ghtoutofmychest
.and,
whenzit
hasawmy
face,
shegasped.
"goshwhathappenedtoyou,
Imeany
oul
ook
l
ikethewal
ki
ngdead."Shesays.
"ouch"IwincedasItri
edtil
ti
ngmyhead,I
l
ookedatmysel fonthemi rr
or.Myneckwas
brui
sed.Itr
iedtospeak,butmyvoi
cewasa
hoarsegroan.
"I
..
..
I.
..
saw.
..
."
“Goodgri
ef–y oulookasthoughyouhavebeen
thr
oughhell
,”shesaid,
bli
ndingmewithher
phone'
stouchli
ght
.

Shelookedwor
ri
edandconcer
nedaboutmy
wel
lbeing.

Icoul
dn'
texpl
aint
oheraboutt
heni
ght
mar
eI
j
usthad.
If
eltl
i
keIwasgonnadi
e
WhatIsawl
eftmescar
redl
i
ter
all
y.

"youwi
llbef
ine"shegavemeat
ightl
onghug,
cebowasdeepinhersleep.

"i
t'
sjustadr
eam,
dreamsar
enot
hingbut
i
ll
usionstheycan'
thar
m us.
"shebrushedmy
backsteadil
y,wefi
nal
l
ybrokethehug.

Iwi
pedmyt
ear
s

"canwesl
eep"If
inal
l
ysay
..
..
.

Her:
areyousur
eyouar
eohk?Whatdi
dyou
dr
eam about
.

Me:
am f
ine,
Iwi
l
ltel
lyoui
nthemor
ning

Her
:fi
net
hen

Shewentbackt osleepwhil
eIj
ustsat,
---
Ihada
dream aboutaver
yhugesnakeattacki
ngme.I
wasinaj ungl
e,al
lalone.
Justl
i
ket
hepar
kdr
eam.
Thesnakewassohuge,Itr
iedscr
eamingand
runni
ngawaybuti
tkeptcomingaft
erme.

WhenIwast i
redandcoul
dn'
trunanymoreit
camet ome.Insteadofki
l
li
ngmei tj
ustst
ood
ther
e,star
ingatme.Itwassoscary.
I
twaswhenitopenedi
tsmout
hwi
del
ywhenI
wokeup-
--

Notl
ongzit
hawasalr
eadysnor
ingandIont
he
ot
herhandcoul
dn'
tsl
eep.
Ikeptstar
ingatthecei
li
ng.Ideci
dedt owake
upandgetmy sel
faGlassofwater.Igotofft
he
bed,car
efull
yopenedthedoor.Thewhol e
housewassoqui et,
thepassagewasev en
scari
er,
itfel
tli
kethesnakewouldappearand
bit
eme.
Wi
thi
nfewst
eps,
IpassedZi
tha'
spar
ent
s'r
oom.
Iwasal
mostpastt
hedoorwhenIhear
dnoi
ses,
i
tsli
ket
heywerear
gui
ng.
Cur
iosi
tygott
hebet
terofme.
SoIeav
esdr
opped

"Iwi
shli
ket
hewasmor
ewecoul
ddo,
Idon'
t
l
iket
his.
It
oldy
outhatIdi
dn'
twannabeapartoft
his.
NowIcan'
tevensl
eepIkeepseei
ngheri
nmy
dr
eams"thatwasMrsNkosi'
svoi
ce.

MrN: Mandydropi
twouldy
ou,st
opactingl
i
ke
achi
ld,it
houghtimar
ri
edastr
ongwoman,
whatisal
lthi
s.Si
ncewhenhav
ey oubecome
t
hisweak.
MrsN: i
tsnotli
keam weakbutIhavea
consci
ence,seei
ngthi
schil
drenpai
nsme.
Maybeweshoul dhavedonetheri
ghtt
hing
i
nsteadofbeingsel
fi
sh.
MrN: sel
fi
sh,youknowt
hatweneededthat
house.Youknowv er
ywel
lthatal
lour
warehousearebei
ngmonit
oredsothehousei
s
perf
ectfort
his.

MrsN:Idon'
tknow.Maybeweshoul
dadopt
t
hem,bethei
rlegal
guar
dian.

MrN: Mandyno, Iknowhowy ouget,ifthi

skids
stayunderourroofsoonerorlat
erthat
"consci
ence"ofy our
swil
lgetthebetteroutof
youandy ouwillendupspil
li
ngthebeans.
Idon'
twannagot
ojai
l
.AndIwon'
tgot
ojai
lj
ust
becausey
ouhav
est
art
eddev
elopi
ngahear
t.

Ther
ewassi
l
ence.
..
..

"whataboutt
hedream,
Lindi
weistor
ment
ing
me"shesayswit
hashakyvoice.

MrN:youjusthav
etostopthi
nki
ngabouther
,
t
hat'
stheonlywayyoucangetheroutofy
our
mind.

Iwasstil
labitconf
used,Li
ndi
weismy
mother'
sname.Sohowi sitpossi
blethatmy
motherisTormenti
ngMrsNkosi,Imeanshe's
notevenheresowhatwasshet al
kingabout.
Wellmaybeshewast al
ki
ngaboutanot her
Li
ndiwe.Itcan'
tbemymot her
.
It
ipt
oedal
lthewayt
otheki
tchen.Pour
ed
my
sel
fagl
assofwat
eranddownedi
tatonce.
Ithenwentbackt otheroom, Igotinbedand
tri
edfal
lingasleepeventhoughtitseemedt o
beaMi ssion.OnSaturdayZitha'
sparentstook
ustothezoot henwespentt hewhol edayat
themall.Itwasjustf
unbei nghere,i
treminded
mesomuchofmypr evi
ouslife.
I
ntheaf
ter
noonMr
sNkosi
tookCebot
o
Moni
ca.
Shebrai
dedherhai
r,shedidcor
nrowsal
most
i
denti
calt
othoseofZitha'
s.

"don'
tyoualsowanttobraidyourhai
r"Mr
s
Nkosiaskedmeforthefi
fthti
menow.

Me:
nomah,
Ili
kemyshor
thai
r.

Her
:butIt
hinkbr
aidi
ngy
ourhai
rwi
l
lbegood,
youwilll
ookbeauti
ful
,youhaveper
fectf
aci
al
feat
ures,j
ustt
hatnowy ourboyi
shl
ookis
hidi
ngallt
hatbeautyaway.

Ismi
l
ednotknowi
ngwhatt
osay
.

"for
geti
tmom shewon'
tbudgesheisaf
rai
dof
thecombandbei
ngpull
ed"Zi
thasai
d.

Her
:butheraf
rolookspai
nful
,andbesides
Moni
caisgentl
e,shewon'
tpullherhai
r.

Aft
ersomuchofconv i
ncingtheyfi
nall
ygaveup
becauseIrefusedtobraid.Ireal
lywasn'
tafan
ofthosefakehair.Ir
eall
ylikemyaf r
oandonly
mymot herev erdi
dmyhai r
.NowIdon'twant
Anyonetotouchmyhai r
.Af t
ercebowasdone
wewentt othemov i
es.I
twasl it
.Iwasatpeace
i
nthatmoment
.
Afterwat
chi
ngt
womov
ieswedr
ovebackt
o
thehouse.

Wehadtakeawaysf
ordinner
,wethenwentt
o
t
akeabathbefor
egoingtobed.
Sundayl
aterMrNkosi
drov
eusbackhome
*
*
*
*
*
*

Wewer ebacki
nthedump.Itreeksher
e.My
stepdadwasbusycooki
ngsampandbeans.So
themenuhadchangefrom r
iceandbeanst
o
sampandbeans.

Wegreetedhi
m.Hest ar
esatusf
rom t
opt
o
bot
tom andcl
ickshi
stongue.

"boughtnewcl
othesIsee"hef
inal
l
ysay
s.

"MrsNkosiboughtthem f
orus,
shei
saver
y
ni
cewoman.Ilikeher.Iwi
shshewasmy
mother
"Ceboresponded

"owhtoobadwi shesdon'tal
way scometrue.
Wellembracethosecl
othesbecausei t
sthe
onl
ygoodcl ot
hesyouwilleverhave"hesays
wit
houtanycareinthewor l
d

Ist
aredathi
m andal
lIf
eel
ishat
redgr
owi
ng
i
nsideme.I
tjustsounbeli
evabl
ehowsome
peopl
ecanbesohear t
less.

Iwalkedpasthi
m,toourroom.IPl
acedour
bagsonthebed.Theti
nyboxwasplacedon
topofmybed.
I
twasmymot her
'svei
l
.Whatwasi
tdoi
ngher
e
becauseIl
efti
tundert
hebed.

It
ookitandplaceditbackundert
hebed.Isat
i
nmybedl i
steningtoceboandmystepdad
ar
gui
nginthekitchen.

"Mi
mif
oodi
sready
"cebocal
l
edout
.

"goaheadandeat
,am nothungr
y"Ical
l
edback
"wel
lmor
efoodf
orust
hen"myst
epdadsai
d.

Ididn'
tanswerhi
m.Ij
ustsatst
ari
ngi
ntothe
rustedmetal
sofwhathadbecomeour"
wall
"I
hatedither
e.

Ihatethatt
hewal l
saresothi
nIcouldhear
peoplegossi
pingoutsi
de.Whatki
ndoflif
eis
thi
s.Howdot hispeopl
esurvi
veinsuchadump.
Thestinki
ngisjustbey
ondmycompr ehensi
on.

Imusthavedossedof
f,Iwokeupanditwas
al
readydar
k.Mystomachgrowled.Cebowas
asl
eeponherbed.

Iwentt
otheki
tchensnoopedar
oundandt
he
pot
swereempty.
Shi
tIshoul
dhav
eeat
enear
li
er.

Idrankthenotsocleanwaterinthebucket
.My
stomachrumbledlouderbutther
eWasnot hing
IcouldeatsoIleti
tsing.
Iwasaboutt
owalkbackt
other
oom whenmy
st
epdadcamein
Hewaswear i
ngonl
yhi
sundi
es.Ij
ustl
ooked
down.I
tfel
tsowrongf
ormetoseehim naked.

"Iknewi
twasyou"hesays"whatar
eyoudoi
ng
i
nt hemi
ddl
eoftheni
ght"

If
iddl
ewi
thmyf
inger
snotknowi
ngwhatt
osay
.

"youmustbehungry,
youwer
elooki
ngf
or
food,
weren'
tyou?
"
Ishookmyheadwi
thmyheadst
il
lbur
iedt
othe
concret
efl
oor
.

"wellt
henhavey
oustartedt
obeawit
ch,
what
areyoudoi
ngup,att
hishour
"her
oar
edabit
l
oudernowsendi
ngchill
sdownmyspi
ne,my
kneeswobbl
ed.
Iwassoscar
edofhi
m.

"am notawitchbaba,
Iwasjustdr
inki
ngwat
er"
tear
sthreat
enedmyey es.
Ihaveneverbeeninadevi
l
'spresencebefore
butsur
elyitmustfeell
i
kethi
s.Myst epdad
ter
ri
fi
esme.Bei nginhi
spr
esencescar esmet o
thecor
e.

"y
our
eal
l
yar
ebeaut
if
uly
ouknow"hi
m say
ing
thatcaughtmeoffguar
d.Ichokedonmysaliv
a,
hehasnev ercompl
imentedmeev erSi
nceI
'
ve
knownhi m

Hewal
kstowar
dsme.Nowani
nchawayf
rom
me,
hekneel
s

"youknow.Youcanhaveever
ythi
ngy
ouwant,
onlyi
fyoucansayyes"hi
svoi
cenowhoar
se
andscari
er.
Iswall
owedaspitandtr
ytobackawaybuti
tsa
bitt
oolat
e,hehasgott
enahol
dofmyhand

"l
ookatme.
..
."Hecommands,
hisbar
it
onef
il
ls
myears.

"isai
dlookatme"nowmor
ef i
rmt hatatf
ir
st,
I
l
if
tedmyey el
i
ds,f
inal
l
ymyeyeslandedint
ohis.
"youl
ookcute,
don'
tbeafr
aid,am gonnamake
youaqueen.Myqueen"hebrushesmycheeks.
Hi
stouchir
ri
tat
esme,am readytobursti
nto
t
earsbutf
earcont
rol
smyemot ions.I
fIshed
t
earshewil
lbit
emyhead,soIremainstrong

MaybeifIputonabrav
efr
ontandbeabi
ggi
rl
hemightletmebe.
Ist
oodsti
l
lwit
hmymout hdry
.Myheartrocks
har
deronmychestprobablyl
ooki
ngforaway
out
.Ipr
acti
cebrav
ery
, Ihav
etobebrave.

"ngi
funamanzi
"Cebo'
svoi
cepul
ledhi
m away
fr
om me.Helet
'sgoofmyhandandst
oodup.

"hauuv
uki
l
e"Hedi
rect
sthatt
oCebo.
"whyarey ounakedbaba,
didt
heyst
eal
your
cl
othes"cebosays.

Hedoesn'
tanswerher
,hepr
etendsl
i
kehe
di
dn'
thearher
.

Hegiv
esceboamugofwat
ert
hendi
sappear
s
i
ntohi
sroom.
Iam st
il
lont
hesamespot
.Tooweakt
oli
fta
l
eg.

"
Didhebeaty
ou"cebosai
d.

"noNana,
Iwasj ustdr
inki
ngwater
.Let
'sgo
backt
obed"Itookfewshakystepsandwent
backt
otheroom withCebo.
#ADMI
N
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYEI
GHT

Iwashedthebedsheetsandthev ei
l
,whenI
wenttohangitout
sidemyst epdadwasnear
thel
inewit
hourneighbors,
theywer ebusy
chat
tingl
i
keoldfri
ends.
Itwasagr oupofguys,wellmostofour
neighborswereyoungbutwor noutsi
ngleguys
andonel adywhom theycall
edsiskuki
ewho
soldalcohol
.Wellherplacewasalways
crowdedwi t
hgirl
swhowor eskimpyclothes.
Theyf or
everhangi
ngoutwi t
hmenwhoar e
dri
v i
ngcars.
Myhear tSki
ppedabit,
Ididn'
thaveenough
couragetofaceever
ybodybutIhadnochoice
thatwastheonlywashingli
ne.Isummoned
enoughcouragethenmademywayt owards
them

ThemomentIst
oodnextt
othem t
heybur
sted
outl
aughi
ng.

"ahyi
zobr
azi
n"oneoft
hem sai
d,hepuf
fedt
he
smokeoft
heDaggahewassmoking.

"aiMarabafoshe'st
ooy oung,she'
satoddler
areyousur
eshewast hatgood"anotherski
nny
guywithalotofscar
si nhi
sfacesaid

"ehy
izwauthi
ni,
uy adl
alababa,
uyababa
l
omntwana,
uyashisa.
She'
sThebestt
hingIhav
eev
ert
ast
ed"my
st
epdadsai
d

Theyshookhi
shand

"ai
nomanuy
iskhokho"t
heysai
d.

"andcont
inueli
kethatwenaZondo,
phel
athi
s
i
showIgett hem t
oworkforme
Igetthem young,
damagedandbrokenbeyond
repai
r.Ipr
omi set
hem thewor
ldt
hentheycome
andwor kforme"sisKuki
esai
d

"andlookingather,wi
thinf
iveyear
sfr
om now
shewillber i
peenoughfort
hejob"she
cont
inuedl ooki
ngatmybody
"qi
nisol
eloMamzo"aguywi
thdi
rt
ydr
eadl
ocks
sai
d

"Iwantheratt
hismoment"t
hef
ir
stguysai
d

"heyhandsof
f,she'
smi
nef
ornow"myst
epdad
roar
ed

"sodakwey
il
ensangul
oh"anot
herguysai
d

"hemustplayfarawayf r
om mypr opert
y,
otherwi
seIwi
llbreakhisbones"myst epdad
foughtl
ikeal
ionmar ki
ngitster
ri
tory

Ij
ustfeltt
earsst
ingi
ngmyeyessoIrantothe
houseleavi
ngthem t
heret
oconti
nuetal
ki
ng
aboutmel i
keiwasapieceoft
rash,
suddenl
yit
downedtomet hatt
heyallhear
dmel astni
ght
.
Ifel
tli
keakni
fewaspiercedThroughmyheart
,
whodoIruntonow, whodoIbegf orhel
p.How
will
Iknowwhichpeopl
et otr
ust.
Icoul
dtel
lZit
ha'
spar
ents,
butIalsodon'tt
rust
them,t
her
e'ssomet
hingsi
nist
eraboutthem.
If
eltl
i
keIwasal
one.

Iwentst
raightt
oourroom andjustcr
iedmy
eyesunt
ilIcoul
dn'
tcr
yanymor e.

Around8:30Cebocameback,shecouldn'
thel
p
butblabbedabouthowgr
eatherfr
iend'
splace
was.
Shesaidshewantedtosleept hereagai
n.I
l
ookedatherandmyhear tsunk,Icoul
dn'
tlet
anythi
nghappentoher.Ihadt obarethepaini
n
orderforhert
obesafe,yearswentbyandmy
st
epdaddadcont
inuedhav
inghi
swaywi
thme.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

#Si
x_y
ear
s_l
ater

Iam nowsi
xteeny
easol
d,cebohadj
ustt
urned
10.Shewasdoi nggradethree.Atleastmy
stepdaddidgrowaconsci enceandsendust o
oneoft hepubli
cschoolshere.Iwashappyt hat
igotachancet ogot oschool.Thingswer esti
ll
thesame, Ihadbecomeawi fe,asisteranda
chil
dint hi
shouse.Iwasabi tMat urednow,
goingonmymont hlyci
rcl
e,hadboobsandl itt
le
bitofcurvesandass.
MyboobswereabithugeformyagebutIknew
t
hatmaybeitsbecauseofthesexual
act
ivi
ty
t
hatIwasal
readyengagedin
Inevery
thi
ngthathappenedthoughItri
edmyat
mostbesttoshiel
dCebof r
om allt
his.Imade
suresheneverfi
ndsoutaboutwhatour
stepdadwasdoingtome

Ihaven'
tseenZit
hai nawhil
enow,shewasin
boardi
ngschooldoinggradeel
evenwhi
leIwas
doingmyninthgrade.
Ishoul
dbedoingmytent
hgradebutIlostt
he
wholeyearwhenmydaddeci
dedtotakeusof
school

It
smi dJuneandi tsabitchi
ll
youtside,
the
shackwasal soascoldashell.It
saSunday
morningandIwascl eaningbeforeIgoto
church.Isti
llbel
i
evedinGodal t
houghIfel
tli
ke
hehasf orsakenus.
Iwasfeel
ingtheur
getovomitagai
nsoIr an
out
sideandthrewup.Myheadwasabi tl
ight
.
Aft
ervomiti
ngIwentbackt
ot hehouse.

Ihadbeenf
eel
i
ngsi
ckf
oral
mostaweeknow.
-
noooo-ithi
tsmeIhav
en'
tseenmyci
rcl
ethi
s
month.

If
eltabi
tdi
zzysoIhel
dthet
abl
eforbal
ance.
Ri
ghtt
henmyst
epdadwal
kedi
n.
Hest
aredatmef
rom t
opt
obot
tom.
Ij
ustbi
tmyl
owerl
i
pandt
ear
sgav
ein.

"owh,agai
n..
..
"Hesay sl
ooki
ngatmybreast
"I
havebeenlooki
ngatyouthi
spastf
ewweeks,
damny ouaresofer
ti
le"hecamecl
osertome

If
iddl
edwit
hmyf
inger
swhi
l
eal
umpwasst
uck
i
nmyt hr
oat.

"youknowwhatthi
smeansright,
wecan'tl
et
thi
sdist
urbourl
i
ves,Iwi
ll
getthepil
l
sforyou"
hebrushedmyshoul
der.
Ij
ustnodded.

"j
ustf
ini
shup,
youwon'
tbegoi
ngt
ochur
ch
today,
Iwi
l
lbebacki
nanhour
"heexi
tedt
he
kit
chen

"notagai
n,nooo!
..
..
."Isl
idedownti
l
lIr
eached
thefl
oort
henwailedfrom thet
opofmyvoice.

"Godpleasenotagai
nIdon'twantt
obeaki
l
ler
"
Isai
dthatoutl
oud,myvoicewasshaky

Mymindr
acedbackt
owhathappenedt
he
pr
evi
ousy
ear.
Ifel
lpr
egnantaroundNov ember ,myst epdad
gotmet hosepil
l
s,hemademedr inkthem
sayi
ngTheywi l
ltakecareofev ery
thing,Ihadto
putthr
eeundermyt ongueandonei nmy
vagi
na,Iremember edtheshar
ppai nthat
pier
cedthroughmyabdomen, IthoughtIwas
gonnadie.
Fewhour saf
tertakingt hosepill
ssomuch
bloodcameout .Thecl otsjustscaredmeto
death.Iremembert hi nkingIdidn'
twanna
witnesssuchpai nev eragaininmyent ir
eli
fe.
Nowher eIwaspr egnantAGAI N,am gonnago
throughthatagonyagai n.MoreoverIwasnow
turnedintoamur derer .

Icr
iedunti
lmytear
srandry
.Whenwast hi
s
gonnaend.Can'
tIj
ustdi
esothatIcanr
est.I
wastir
edandIwantedtosl
eepandneverwake
up.

Afterawhi
leIst
oodupandwipedmytear
s,
therewasnousecr
yingov
erspil
tmi
l
k.

Icont
inuedwi t
hthedishesthenf
ixedbr
eakf
ast
formyselfbutIcoul
dn'tev
eneat.
Cebohadlef
tint
hemorni
ngwithherfr
iend,
theywer
egoingt
oat
tendSundayschool.
Icl
eanedt
herestoft
hehouse, f
eel
ingli
kea
shadowofmysel
f.Ij
ustdidn'
tknowifIwil
lev
er
fi
ndhappi
nessi
nmyLi fe.
..
..
.

Lat
ermyst epdadcamebackwitht
hepi
ll
s,t
he
sameprocessstart
edagai
n.Ihadt
orel
i
vethe
pai
nagain.

Myhearthadt
urnedint
ostone,Iwas
consumedwit
hsomuchhat ethatIevenf
orgot
thatt
hewasawor dcal
ledl
ove.
Af t
ersheddi
ngtheclots,t
hepaingotmi
l
der
.I
tookawar m bat
hwor emypadandsome
trackpant
sandal ongsleevev
est.
..
..
.
Twel
veday
spassedandIwasst
il
lsheddi
ng
bl
ood,
butnowt
hebl
eedi
ngwasabi
tli
ght
er
Itwasar ound15:30pm, Ihadjustcameback
from school.Cebowentt opl
ayaf t
erwashi
ng
hershirtandthedishes.Shewasahar dworker
,
shelikedhelpingmear oundthehouse.

Itookoutthechi
ckenf
eet
'
sfr
om t
hebarf
ri
dge
anddefrostedi
t.
Ithenwenttot
heroom,lockedthedoorand
dozedoffasIwassoti
red,Iwasgonnawake
uparoundfi
veandstar
tcooking

Iwasinadeepsl umberwhenIhear dal oud

bangi
ngont hedoorthatsentshiversofter
ror
thr
oughme.Shit,ihadlockedbef or
ei wentto
bedbecauseIknewt hatmySt epdadmi ght
comebackatanymomentSi ncei t
sFriday,
I
knewhewasdr inki
ngwher ev
erhewas.
Thedesi r
et okil
lhim wasgr owingst r
ongerand
ifel
tli
keanundef eatedbeast.Ear l
ierwheni
camef rom school ihadhiddenaki tchenkni f
e
undermybedandashebangedt hedoorI
reacheddown, t
ookt heknif
eandsl ippedi tup
myschool pul
lover.Therewasamar koni ts
oldplasti
chandl efrom whenhehadl eftiton
thestove,butthepoi ntwasshar p.Myst epdad
l
ikedthekitchenkni vestobeshar p.

Hewascomi
ngfrom t
heshebeen,
hissecond
home,
andwoul
dbetodrunktoseethi
scoming.
"I
MI,
openthi
sdoororelseI’
ll
breaki
t.Opent
he
door
,youpi
eceofr
ubbish!”
Hewasalsoshoutingnow,andi knewhewoul d
notst
op.Hedidn’
tcarethattheneighbor
sknew
hecametomyr oom tosleepwithme.No- one
car
ed.Notev
enSi sKukie
Mybr
eat
hswer
ecomi
ngi
nqui
ckgaspsandmy
thumper
inghear
twasall
icoul
dhear.Ist
ood
upandwenttoopenthedoorf
orhi
m.

"y
ouwantt
odenymemyFood"hesay
s.

"nouncl
ebutam st
il
lbl
eedi
ng"Ianswer
ed
wit
houtl
ooki
ngathim.

"sur
elynowt
hebleedingisnotasheavy
,iwant
you,
Ihavewai
tedforsolong"hesays
Hewasabeastwhenhewasdr
unk;
whenhe
wassoberhedi
dn’
ttal
k
Hegr
abbedmyshoul
der
.

“Takeof
fyourUnifor
m.Youshouldknowby
nowwhat’sneededfrom y
ou.Ican’ttel
lyouone
andthesamet hi
ngforal
ltheseyears.Come
on.
”
Hesmel l
edlikeashebeenandwasbat tl
i
ngt o
standupst raightbuthekepthi
shandonmy
shoul der,hi
sf inger
scrushi
ngmyf l
esh.I
car ef
ullytookoft hepull
overwit
houtexposing
thekni fe,myshi rtwasoffandthenmyski r
t.
Wi thashov ehepushedmeont othebedanda
mi nutelaterhewassweat i
ngont opofme.
Wheni twasov erherol
ledoff
.
“
Thisi
st helastti
mey ousexuall
ymolestme,
youDevi
l”iseethed.Buthedidn'
thearme,he
wasprobablytodrunktopayanyat t
enti
on.

"Youwi
ll
sleepinmyr oom toni
ght
,”hesaid.So
hewasnotdonewi t
hme, mustIdief i
rstbef
ore
Heseesthatam gat
vol wi
ththi
sshit.Iwasfed
upandmybodyhav ehadenough.
"tonightwegonnasl
eepinmyr oom sot
hatwe
don'tdist
urby
oursi
ster
,speaki
ngofher,
have
youseenhowsexyshelooksl
atel
y,shei
s
growi
ngupsofast"hesays
OhdearGod,Ithought.Iknewwhatwas
comingnext
.“That’
sifIdon’tki
l
lyoumysel
f
fi
rst
,youMonster.
”isai
dundermybr eat
h.
"pl
easeyoupr
omi
sedt
oleav
emysi
steroutof
thi
s"Isai
d

"rel
ax,Iwon'tt
ouchher,
Iwasjustadmiri
ngher.
Besi
des,WhenI ’
m wit
hyouIfeell
ikeareal
man,”hesaid,t
ouchi
ngmyf aceandrunninghi
s
handsdownmyar ms.
“YouconsolemysoulandIf
eelwhol
eagain.
I
minathi,
mydearest
,weshoul
dmaket hi
s
off
ici
al.I
t’
snotl
i
keyouhaveanyoneIcanpay
l
obolato.Youar
ealr
eadymine.
”
Ishi
ver
ed,
notfrom col
d,butwi
thhatr
ed.How
coul
dhesaythat?Whodidhethinkhewas?
"Ilovey ou,
Iwill
off
ici
all
ymakeyoumywi f
e."I
staredathim col
dly
.Her eal
l
ywasloosi
nghis
mi ndifhethoughtI
Wasgonnaagr eet othat
.Hethenkeptqui
et,
for
alongtime,iwatchedhim wi
thhiseyescl
osed
andIthoughtofdrivi
ngthekni
feinhis
heart
lesschest
.

Inmymi nd,i askedhim:Whydoy oudothisto

me?Di dmyl atefat
herormymot herdo
somet hi
ngtoy ou,t
hatyouusemel i
kethis?Do
youknowt hatIsomet imeswetmypant sinmy
sleepandatschool becauseIcan’thol
dmy
bladderanymor e?MrZondo,tel
lme, why?’

Asifhehear
dme, her
oll
edontohisbackand
l
ookedatmet hroughbl
ood-shotey
es.Asif
readi
ngmymi nd,hesai
d,“Youshouldknow,
I
nev
erf
eedahor
seIcannotr
ide.
”

Hedi dn’tseet heknif

einmyhandand, whenhi
s
breathi
ngchangedandi knewhewasasleep
again,iraiseditabovemyheadandwi thall
my
strengthi att
empt edtodri
veiti
ntohi
shard
fl
eshbutIst oppedmi dair
,somethi
nginme
stoppedme

"y
ouar
enotaki
l
ler
"av
oicewhi
sper
ed.

Ipl
aceddownt
hekni
feandsobbedsi
l
ent
ly.

-
--
youhavemol
est
edmef
ort
hel
astt
ime-
--I
whi
sper
ed.

IwasDr
ainedandmybodycoul
dn'
ttake
anymor eoft hissot odaywast hedayIendi tal
l.
Imightnotki llhim butIwasgonnamakesur eI
don'tsufferathishandsagai n.Nev eragai
n
shallIshedt earsbecauseofhi m.Andnev er
everagainwi llhebeabl etotakefrom meagai n.
TodayIwasr eadytoendt hepain.
Iwasgonnaendi
tal
l
...
..
..
.

#ADMI
N
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYSEVEN

(
Def
lower
ed)

Weekspass,
li
fei
nthesl
umsdoesn'
tgetany
bet
ter
.MyTenthbi
rt
hdaywasaweekago,I
di
dn'tevencel
ebrat
eit
.Messagesf
rom t
he
Nkosiswishi
ngmeaspl endi
ddayi
swhatmade
mydul l
dayabitbri
ght
er.
myst epdadhasn' tst
opwit
hhi
s
uncomf or
tabl
egames, wel
l,
Iwouldnotcal
l
them gamesr eal
l
ybecauseheseemst obe
seri
ous.Hisremarksarenowoutofdepth.
Hesqueezesmybut twhenev
erheget
sa
chance.Hehol
dsmei nthemost
uncomfort
abl
eplaces.
Ihat
ehowhel ooksatme,
hiseyesspeaks
vol
umes.Idespisehowhelickshi
slips
wheneverhelooksatme.Hishungrylook,
Ist
il
l
can'
tgetthatoutofmymind.

Hespr
ingsbehi
ndhedgesandcor
ner
sjust
r
eadyt
or ui
nmyday.
Ihatel
ivi
ngherebutIal
socan'tsurv
iveonthe
str
eetssoIhavenochoicebutswallowthe
pri
deIbare.Ihav
etosmi l
eathim whil
emy
mindcursehim.
Ihavet
otal
ktohi
m whil
emyhear
thasal
ready
casthi
mtohel
lamil
li
ontimes
.
..
owhMot
her
,whyDi
dyoul
eav
e..
.

I
tsFri
day,
eveni
ng,ceboi
sspendi
ngt
heni
ghtat
herf
ri
end'
shouse.
Welldadhaspr
acti
cal
lypl
ant
edtheideaof
spendi
ngtheni
ghtatherf
ri
end'
shousetoher
.
Mysist
erj
umpedatt
heoppor
tunit
y,shehates
i
thersoadayort
woawayisavict
oryforher.

Iam i
nmyt i
nybed,stari
ngatmymot hersvei
l,
seemslikei
tsmyfavourit
ethi
ngtodot hi
sdays,
mymi ndismil
esaway .Fi
ll
edwit
hinf
uriati
ng
thought
s.Ireal
l
ymi
ssher
.Imi
ssherwar
mth
andsmile.
Imisst
helaughterandj
oyshebr
oughti
nmy
l
if
e.MoreoverImissedmyfat
her
.

RightnowIf
eelli
keanor
phan.If
eel
alonei
n
thi
shugeworld.

"daddyyoushoul
dn'
thav elef
t"Ireal
lyfel
tli
ke
thi
swasalldaddy
'sfaul
t.Ifhehadn'tl
eftus
mom wouldn'
thavegottenmar r
iedtothis
monsterandshewouldn'thaveranaway .

I
twasn'
tl
ongbef
oreIhearsomeoneopeni
ng
t
hedoor.

Iqui
ckl
ywi
pemyt
ear
sandsi
tup.
Hestandsther
eforamomentorso.Hi
sbr
oad
shoul
dersoccupi
esthewhol
edoor
way.

HeSmi l
esl
ookingatme.Hi
ssmi
l
emor
e
conni
vi
ngthatusual
.

"IknewIwouldf
indy
ouhere"hemakeshi
s
waytowardsmybed,
itsl
i
kehehasbathedi
n
al
cohol.
Thest
enchf
il
lst
heent
ir
eroom.

"whydoy
oul
i
kesi
tt
ingal
one"hebur
psout
l
oud.

Hi
seyesaresoredandscar
y,hest
umbl
esal
l
ov
ert
heplace.
Hesit
sont
heedgeofmybedandImov
etot
he
cor
ner.

"todayyouout didyoursel
f,l
ookathowsexy
youlook"hisey esaregluedonmyt hi
ghs.Iwas
wearingtheblackjumpsui t
.

Hewhi
stl
es.

"damny ouj
ustsof
resh,
your
emi
ndmeof
Li
ndiwe"hesays

"comehere"hepar
tedt
hespacebesi
dehi
m
andIshookmyheadinfear
.

"y
esf
ebengi
thi
wozaLA!
"HEy
ell
s,Ij
ump
f
ear
ful
l
y.
YetIr
emai
nst
il
l,
Idon'
twantt
ogot
ohi
m.

Hestandst
henbal
ancedbyt
hecor
neroft
he
bed.

"Nondi
dwawengane,
"eshoengdonsa.

Iwasnowi
ntear
s.

"Noooo!"Iscr
eam"pleaseletmegopl ease,I
will
beagoodgi r
lIpromise"Ipleadedbuthe
neversmil
es,hehasbecomet hishungryli
on
Readytoroaratmywor l
d,histeethshows
fangsandhisnai
lsli
keclawshesi nksthem
deepinmyar m.
Ibr
okedown

"yeeyyouaremakingnoise,i
fyouknowwhat
'
s
goodforyou.Youwil
lkeepquietnow"he
commands, hi
svoi
cesof ir
m
YetIdon'
tgi
veadamn,
Icont
inuescr
eami
ng.

"sfebe,bi
tch"hesl
apsmycheekIf
eel
li
kemy
cheekbonehascrushed.

"t
odayam gonnat
eachy
oual
esson"hesay
s.

"Ican'
tkeepfeedi
ngy
ouforf
ree,
youoweme,
youhavetopayme"he'
snowoutofcont
rol
.

"am sorr
y,Iwil
lpayyou,Iwi
l
llookf
oraj
ob
thenpayyou."Ihadhi
ccups.
Helaughsatmypain,pi
nmeonthemattress.I
spri
ngandkickedbuthei
stobi
g.Toohuge.I
cannotfi
ghthi
m.
If
eltmywal
l
scl
osi
ngi
n

.
..Dadpl
easesav
eme.
..
.isi
l
ent
lypr
ay
Iguessmypray
erswer
en'
theadThi
smonster
pul
lsdownthej
umpsui
texposi
ngmyti
nybody
Her
oughl
ytooki
tal
lofIcoul
dfeel
thef
abr
ic
t
ear
ing

Am nowlef
twi
thnothingbutapant
y.Ikeep
scr
eaming,
myvoiceisfadi
ngaway.
Hepressesmewit
hhislef
thandwhil
ehisri
ght
handunti
ehi
sbelt
,hepull
downhistr
ouserand
Ij
ustshutmyey
esclosedhopi
ngthatthi
swas
adream.
Heli
cksmyf
ace,hi
ssal
i
vareeksofadeadrat
.
Hi
sbreat
hef
il
ledwi
thal
coholandci
gar
ett
e.
Ihat
ehi
m,IHat
ehi
m somuch.
InmymindIcrucif
yhi
m overandoveragain.i
n
mysoulIcondemnhimint
ohel l
.Hespreadout
mylegs,
Iclosethem,
heroughlypul
lthem
apar
t.
Hegetsinbetweenmyt highs,myti
nythighs.I
fel
tsomethi
ngsohugeandf ir
mlyhardtouching
thewal
lsofmyi nnert
highs.Heri
psmypant i
es
of.
Nowam bar
enaked,
exposedt
otheev
iloft
his
wor
ld.
Hespit
ssali
vainhi
shandthenmassagedmy
cooky
bin.If
eel
nothi
ngbutpai
n.
Whatwashedoi
ngt
ome?
"am gonnateachyoual
esson"hespreadsmy
l
egsfurt
herapartt
hent
ri
edpenet
rat
ing
somethi
nginme.

Ifeelmyflesht
ear
ingup,
Ijumpandwai
l
,Ihav
e
neverfel
tsuchpai
n.
Hekeepspushi
ngev
enthoughi
tseemshar
dto
gethi
smanhoodinme.

Aft
eraWhil
eofst
ruggl
ehegiv
esafi
nal
har
d
pushandIf
eelmywall
sbr
eaki
ng,
mybody
shat
ter
sinpai
n

Inevercr
iedsoloud.Ibeg.
..
Ibeghi
mtost
op
buthedoesn't
.
Hekeepsmoani
ngashemov
esupanddown
ont
opofme.
Hekeepssay
inghei
steachi
ngmeal
essonbut
,
whatki
ndofal
essoni
sthi
s.
Whyi
shehur
ti
ngme.

Tuggingallt
hebedcov erit
ryr eli
evi
ngmy sel
f
ofhisweightbutIcan't,heisheav y,hekeeps
poundingandgrindingleavi
ngmymi ndnumb
andmybodypar al
y sed.Am lostinthis
confusi
onandpai n.Thisfeelslikeadr eam, I
wanttowakeupf rom.

Butnotcar
inghekeptpushi
nghar
derand
har
der

"
Please.
..
.pl
easemakei
tst
op,
ithur
ts"Icr
ied.

"shhhh,y
ouar
egood,am gonnamakeyoumy
queen"hi
swor
dsnowmor eli
keawimper,he
tear
sdownmysoul.Wit
heachstr
okehesteal
s
myi
nnocence.
Hedef
lower
sme.
Al
lIwanti
sfort
hist
ost
op.

Losingmyf i
ght
,Il
etgo,Isobsil
entl
yasthe
paininvadedmybody.Whatmor ecanIdo,
may beifIst
opmovinghemi ghtgetBor
edand
stopteari
ngmeapart.

Hi
sdeeppanti
nggotl
ouderi
nmyear
,ashe
pr
essedhar
deronmychest.
Heuppedhispace.TheagonyIfeelhaspl
ace
meinshock.Am nownumb, Ican'
tfeelmy
body
.
Il
ayst
il
last
ear
sst
reamssi
deway
s.

"y
oursadf
acei
ssi
ckeni
ngme,
"hegr
oans
"
don'
tactl
i
key
oudon'
tenj
oyt
his.
"

Ikeepsni
ff
ing,
tear
spouroutl
i
kear
iver
.

"dammit
,stopcryi
ng"hepull
soutt
hevei
l
undermybody,i
tisst
ainedwi
thsomuchblood.
Hepl
acesi
tonmyf
ace

"yeahthat'
sbetter,muchbett
ert
hatseei
ng
yourunpleasantface"hesay
s.

Iremainedunshaken,nowwi t
hthi
s
BLOODSTAI NEDVEI Lcover
ingmyfaceashe
hashiswaywi thme.AtleastnowIcan'
tfeel
hi
sunshav edfaceonmyf ace.

Hebar
ksl
i
keadogashewenti
nfast
er,
he
squi
rl
sandsqui
rms,hi
swholebodyhardened.
Helet
soutahugemoanbeforecoll
apsingon
mychest,
aminutet
henhemov es,
slumps
downbesi
desmebreathi
nghard

Ipullagaspofai
rfrom mylungs,f
eeli
ngan
overwhelmi
ngsenseOfr el
i
ef,atl
easti
thas
stoppedyetf
ri
ghtening.
Her
emov
est
hev
eil
from myf
ace.
"itwi
llgeteasi
erandBett
ernextt
imeyouwi
l
l
see"hesays,morepl
easedwit
hhimsel
f.

If
roze,
sot
her
e'sgonnabeanextt
ime.
"Godpl
easeki
l
lmenow"Isi
l
ent
lypr
ay.

"your
eal
l
yaregoodbaby,
bett
erthaty
ourmom
was,y
ouarear
ealdeal
"hesays.
Hi
smockingwor
dspier
cedst
rai
ghtt
hroughme,
l
eavi
nganopenwound.
Hef
inal
l
yget
sup.

"getupandCleant
hismess"hesay
swi
ping
hi
mselfwit
hthevei
l.

Hewor ehi
str
ousertheexitedmyroom.Il
ay
sti
l
lforawhil
etolong,If
eltnot
hingbut
col
dness.
If
eltl
i
keIwasnot
hing.Ausedpi
eceoft
rash.

Iwasuselessanddi
rt
y.Onl
ythi
ngIwant
edat
thatmomentwasdeathtocomeandendmy
suffer
ing.
Ifi
nal
lygather
edsomestr
engt
h.Imov
ed,
for
thefi
rstt
ime,imoved.
Itr
iedsi
tt
ingupbutmypr
ivat
epart
swere
burni
ng,i
sli
kesomeonel
i
taf i
rei
nther
e.
Feeli
ngt
hecoldblowagainstmyskinIl
ooked
thr
oughthewindowanditWasalreadydark,I
l
ookedovertoseethecl
othesIwaswear i
ng
str
ewnacrossthefl
oor
.Thebedsheetswer e
fi
ll
edwit
hsomuchbl ood.
Downmyl
egbl
oodf
low.Iwasshaken.
Whatdi
dhedot
ome.

It
ookmyf
acecl
othandwi
pedmy
sel
f.
Iworemypant
yaspai
nful
asmypr
ivat
epar
ts
were.
Iworetherippedj
umpsuit,tookof
fthe
bedsheetsandthevei
l
,placediti
ntheWashi
ng
bucket,
pouredhotwaterandsoakedthebl
ood.
Icanhearhim snor
ingl
oudl
yinhi
sroom.Hi
s
foulsmell
remainedinmyski
n.I
tsli
kei
thas
attachedi
tsel
ftomybody.

Ipour
edhotwaterinabi
gbasin,wentt
omy
room andj
ustsoakedmysel
fin.
Afterawhi l
eIst
art
edscrubbingmy sel
f,I
want edtowashawayhisscent,butnomat t
er
howmuchIwashedIst i
l
l f
eltdi
rtyandusedt he
stainsjustdi
dn'
twannagoaway .

Iscr
ubbedunt
ilIbr
okedown

"whyme"Ikeptr epeati
ng.Af
terawhil
eI
stoppedcryi
ng.Hatredfi
ll
edmyheart
.Ihad
onlygruesomethoughtsinmymind.Iwanted
tokil
lhim.IwantedtotakeAwayhisl
if
ejust
l
i
kehehast
akenawaymi
ne.
*
*
*
*
Inev
ersl
eptthatni
ght
,Iwasscar
edhemi
ght
comebackanddevourmeagain.
Iwassti
llsi
tt
ingonCebo'sbedr
ockingmysel
f
backandfort
hwithtear
sinmyey eswhenthe
dooropened.

Ij
umped.

"owhy
ou'
reup"hesai
d.

"washt
hoset
hingsbefor
ecebocomesback"
hel
ooksatmenaughti
l
yandsati
sfi
ed,
"owh
andIminat hi
,ifyoudar etel
lanybodyabout
whathappenedl astnightam gonnadeny
everyt
hing, t
henam gonnar apey ourli
tt
lesi
ster
,
yourpreciousl i
tt
lesi
st erri
ghtinfrontofyou
thenkil
lthebot hofy ou,surelyyoudon'twant
thattohappennowdoy ou?."Hi
sconni vi
ng
smilegott ome

"IHATEYOU!
..
.IHATEYOUU!
"ISCREAMED.

"don'
twor
rydear,
Iknow,buty
ouwilll
ear
nto
l
oveme"hesay sasheexit
edthedoor
.

"Nooo!
"Ibangedt
hebedwi
thmyf
ist
.
Whywasal
lthi
shappeni
ngt
ome.

IknowIdon'
twantt
hatmonst
eranywherenear
Cebo,Iwoul
ddoanyt
hingt
oprot
ecther.Shei
s
st
il
lakidaninnocentki
dApai
nli
ket
hiswi
l
l
cr
ippl
eher.

Ihatet
hisdump, thewallsher
ear esothi
nbut
thenei
ghboursfailedtohearmycr i
es.Di
dthey
real
l
ynothear dmycr i
esordidtheyletme
suff
erpurposely
.Wast hisapunishment,di
dI
doanythi
ngt odeservethispr
edi
cament .

Irockedmysel
fhopi
ngthatbychancethi
spai
n
mightend.I
fonl
yIknewthatitwasjustt
he
beginni
ng.

#ADMI
N
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYNI
NE
(
dearf
ather
)

Thought
s,mill
iont houghtst angledinmymi nd
l
ikeaweb,Icouldj ustdriv
et hekni fethrough
mychestandendt hispain.Thatwi l
lbeeasier,
I
wil
lfi
nal
lybefree, fr
eefrom suf fer
ing, f
reefr
om
condemnati
on, f
reef rom t
hispai n.Butwhat
aboutmylit
tl
esi ster,pr
eciousl i
ttl
ecebo.I t
wouldbecowar dlyofmet ol eav
eherbecauseI
knewthati
fIleav eshewi llbesubj ectedtothe
samepathIhav eendur ed.
Mostl
yshewill
beallal
onewi
thnoonet
osav
e
herf
rom t
hispi
tofhell
.

Yetagainmyhandhel dt i
ghtontheknife,Ican
j
ustdriv
ei tthr
oughthisbastar
d'sheartandlet
hi
m die,butIcouldn'
t,
may beIam ar ealcoward
buti
nall honestl
yIcan'
thaveany morebloodon
myhands, thebloodst
ainsIhaverightnowar e
enough.Ican'tki
llhi
m becauseifIdoIwi l
lbe
arrest
edandmysi st
erwouldbet akentothe
orphanagetosuf f
eratthehandsofy etanother
str
angers.Truthbetoldthough,t
onightwast he
l
astnighthehashi sWaywi thme.Iquietl
ygot
outofthebed, gotdressedthenwenttocook
di
nner .
Af
teranhourhewokeupandcamet
othe
ki
tchen

"wowitsmel
l
sdi
vi
nei
nher
e"hesai
dwi
tha
smil
e

Inev
ersmi
l
ed.
..
.

"whydidn'
tyouwakemeup"hesays"whati
f
cebowouldhavehadwal
kedi
ntheroom and
foundmeinyourbed,
whatt
hen.
..
"
"Iguessyouwouldhav etotel
lhert
hatyou
werebanginghersi
ster"If
akedasmi l
eand
conti
nuedwithmypot s.

"nyweeer
,ny
weeer
,bangi
ngmyf
oot
"hel
i
sp
behi
ndme.

It
urnedtolookathi
m wi
thashar
pgazed,I
l
ongedtoknowwhatwasr eal
l
ygoingoni
nhis
evi
lmind.
Whatdoeshi shear tfeel
,di
dheev enhavea
heart.If
oundithighlyimpossibl
etoimagine
thathehadone, Ithinkhehasashal l
owchest
fi
ll
edwi t
hnothingbutdar kness.

"enoughalr
eady,
star
ingatmewon'tchange
anyt
hing,
neit
herwil
li
thelpyou"hesay
s.
"wouldyousti
l
ldothi
sifIwer
ey ourown
daughter
,woul
dyoutakeawayyourdaught
er'
s
l
if
e"Isaid

Iguesshedidn'
tAnti
cipat
ethatbecausehe
star
tedcoughi
ngviol
ently
,pr
obablychoki
ngin
hi
sowngui l
t.

"catcutyourtongue,
youcan'
tanswermecan
you"helookeddown

"saywhatyouwantbutt
onightIwantyoui
nmy
room"wit
hthatsai
dheexit
edthekit
chen
bumpingi
ntoCeboonhiswayout
"Ouch"cebosai
d,butmystepdadcont
inued
wal
king,hedi
dn'
tevensaysorry
.
"i
sdaddyangr
y"cebosai
dsi
tt
ingont
hewor
n
outcouch.

Me:
hei
sjustabi
tti
red.

Cebo:
hescar
esme.

Me:
who?Whoscar
esy
ou.
Cebo:daddy,
Idon'
tl
ikehowhel ooksatme,
yest
erdaywhenyouwerestil
latschool
he
wantedtobathemebyforce.

"what?Whatdidhedo,didhet ouchyou,di
dhe
hurtyou"Ipl
acedt
hedishclot
hont hethetabl
e
andrushedyoher,
Ikneltbesi
deherandhel d
herhand
"don'
tbeaf
rai
dNana,
didhet
ouchy
ou"If
elta
l
umpi nmythr
oat
.

"no,Itoldhim Iknowhowy outobathmy self

,
hewasangr y
, heshout edatmet hensqueezed
mybut tocks,Ididn'
tlikehowhewasbr ushing
myt hi
ghsbutHest oppedwhenLi sacamei n.
Hescreamedatherf ornotknocking,het hen
whisperedinmyeart el l
i
ngmenott ot ell
anybodyaboutwhathappened, hewasscar y,
am afraid,
idon'twanthi mtotouchme.Idon' t
wanthi mtobat hme, iknowhowt owash
myself"shewasf iddlingwithherfi
nger s,t
ears
rol
l
eddownhercheeks

"it
sohkNana,Iam gonnamakesur ehedoesn'
t
touchyouev
eragain,Iwi
ll
protectyou"I
huggedhert
ight
lywhilemytearsgavein
"am sor
ry,
idi
dn'
tmeantomakey
oucr
y"she
say
swhenwebr oket
hehug

"i
t'
sohkNana,
itsnotyourfaul
t,i
needy
out
o
dosomet
hingf
orme. "Shenodded

"uhm, Ineedyout
otakeal
lyourbooksf
rom
yourschoolbagandputi
tinmybag"

Cebo:
why
,am Igoi
ngt
oyourschool
now.
Me:
nobaby
,wear
eleav
ingt
oni
ght
.

Cebo:
yheeywear
egoi
ngt
oZi
tha'
shouse.
Me:nodear,
wearegoingtoasafepl
ace,a
pl
acewhereDaddywon'tf
indus,
aplacewher
e
hewon'
tbeabletot
ouchy ou.
Cebo:
ist
hepl
acebeaut
if
ul,
wil
lIst
il
lgot
o
School
,whataboutmyf
ri
end.

Me:don'
tworryNanaever
ythi
ngwil
lbefi
ne,you
wil
lgotoschoolandy
ouwi l
lseey
ourfr
iend
ohk.

Shenodded.

"nowgodoasIsai
d,butpl
easedon'
ttel
ldad
wearel
eav
ing.
Thi
sisgoi
ngt
obeourl
i
ttl
esecr
et"Isai
d.

"Iwon'
ttel
lIpinkypr
omise,
myteachersay
sit
s
wrongt
oshar esomeone'
ssecr
ets"shesai
d.

Shegotoft
hecouchanddi
sappear
edi
nour
room
Ifi
nishedcooki nganddi shedup.Iwentt omy
stepdad'sr oom,tookhi ssleepi
ngt ablet
s'
container,Igri
ndedf i
v epill
sunti
ltheywer eall
powder ,Ipourthepowderonhi sfoodandabi t
onhi sglassofwat er.Iknewhewoul dn'
ttast
ed
i
tbecauseheal way suseshotsour cewhenhe
eatswhi chactuallyblendst het
asteof
everythi
ng.

Iputever
ythi
ngonat
rayandpl
acedi
tont
he
tabl
e.

Iwenttotheroom packedal
lourclot
hesin
Cebo'sschoolbag.I
twassmallsoIputtherest
oftheremaini
ngclothesi
naplast
ic.

It
ookmymot
her
'sv
eil
undert
hebedand
pl
acediti
nmyschool
Bag,
Ipl
acedev
ery
thi
ng
undert
hebed.
Iwentt
otheki
tchen,
tookmypl
ateoff
oodand
at
e.
Awhilel
atermystepdadcameback.CeboandI
weredoneeati
ng,cebowentt
otakeabat h,
bef
oregoingtobedwhil
eIwashedthedishes.

Iwat
chedfr
om thecor
nerofmyeyesashedug
i
nhispl
ateoff
oodanddrinki
ngt
hewater.

"don'
ttakel
ongIwi
l
l bewai
ti
ngfory
ou"he
yawnedandmadehiswaytohisr
oom.
"Ist
il
lneedt
obat
haf
terwashi
ngt
hedi
shes"I
sai
d

"fi
ne,j
ustdon'
tbel
ong"hecal
l
edoutf
rom hi
s
room
IcontinuedWashi
ngthedishesasslowl
yasI
could.WhenIwasdoneIwentt otakeabat
h
thenIwenttohisroom,hewassnor i
ngl
oudl
y.

"am her
e"Ishookhi
m buthedi
dn'
twakeup.

Icheckedi
fhewasr
eal
l
yasl
eepandhewas
i
ndeedout.
Itooktheenvel
opewhi
chhadourcert
if
icat
es
andschoolrepor
ts,
mymot her
'sI
Dandmyl at
e
father
'sI
Danddeathcer
ti
fi
cate.
It
ipt
oedoutofhi
sroom.
Ipl
acedevery
thi
nginmyschoolbag.Everythi
ng
wasinorder
,IhadpackedEv
eryt
hing,Itooka
pi
eceofpaperandapen,Iwrot
eal et
tertohim
Dearf
ather
..
-
--Iwoul
dprefery
out
osi
tdownbef
orey
ou
r
eadthisl
ett
er
Growi ngup,Iwouldenvykidswhosef ather
s
carr
iedt hem onthei
rshoul
der si
ntheshoppi ng
malls.WhenIaskedmymot heraboutthe
wher eaboutsofmyf at
her,
shewoul dalway s
fi
ndawayt oav oi
dmyquest ionandifIinsi
sted,
shewoul dt
ellmethathewentonabusi ness
tr
ip
Isawi nmymom’ seyes,thatmynagging
piercedherhear
t.shefinall
ygotthecourageto
tell
met hatmydadwascal l
edtoheavenby
Jesus.Icri
edbutmymot hercomfort
edme.
Shet ol
dmet hatmyf atherwascalledtosecur
e
ourspotinparadise.

Thenyoucamei nt
oourl
i
v es.Mymothert
old
mey ouweresentbymyfathert
otakecar
eof
us.Ihadtocally
ou‘fat
her’.Iwashappy,If
inal
ly
hadsomeonet ocal
lfather,l
ikesomeofmy
fr
iendsatschool
.Whenwewentshoppi ngy ou
carri
edmeony ourshouldersandbought
candiesf
orme.Youwer emyi deal
dad.
Fat her,youdidnotwanttoseemehur t.Doy ou
remembert hedayIcamef rom school dusty
andcr yi
ng?Yousatmeony ourlapiny ourhuge
truckandwi pedmytearsaway .WhenIt oldyou
thatNal hadpushedmedownt hestaircase
afterschool whenIwasonmywayt ot he
cor ri
dor,youpromiset
ost r
okeherwi thy our
beltt henexttimeyousawherYoual way sknew
whatt osayt omakemesmi le.Iwasy ourlit
tl
e
princess.
Fat
herwhydidyoustopseei
ngmeasy ourl
it
tl
e
gi
rl
?Whendi dIceaset
obeyourdaught
er?Or
i
sitbecausewearenotbl
oodrel
ati
ves?
Il
uci
dlyremembert
hedayy
oubegan
committ
ingl
ewdactsonme–Ihadn'
tev
en
reachedpuber t
y .Youbr okeme, Itr
ustedy ou
andy oudest royedt hattrust.Yout ookawaymy
i
nnocence.If elthur t,
dirtyanddi sappointed,
thatmydear estf atheroutofal l peopleint he
wor l
d, didthatt ome.Yousai ditwasourl it
tl
e
secret .Youtol dmey ouwoul dkillmeifIt ell
.
Whatwast hel essondad, remembery oukept
say i
ngy ouwer et eachi ngmeal esson, Ijust
Hopesomedayy ouwi llseethati '
velearnt,i'
ve
l
ear ntt ohatewi t hpassi on, t
okill,
nott obe
afraid,tonev erev ertrustaper soni nmyl ife.I
hopet hatwast hel esson.
Wher ediditallstartIrememberhowmymom
praisedyou.Shet oldmehowmuchy ouloved
measy ourdaught er .Meandmyl i
tt
lesister
.I
respectedyou,Il ovedy ou,Iworshi
ppedy ou.I
braggedabouty ouinf rontofmyf r
iends.You
weremyher o,mywor l
d,Howev er,i
ny oureyes
Iturnedtobeanobj ectthatyouwoulduset o
quenchy ourlust.
Aftersixyearsoftorture, Iam breakingfree.
Yes!Father,youwillnev ergett otaintmybody
again.Neveragainwi ll
y out akefrom me.At
fi
rstIthoughtoftakingmyl i
feandl ivei
n
paradisewithmyr eal f
at herbutt hepastorat
mychur chhadsai d,“Thosewhocommi t
suici
dehav enoplacei nheav en”
Iwantedtoconf i
deinmyt
eacherbutIwas
scaredbecauseshesometi
meshangsatSi s
Kukie'
splace,shecoul
dal
sobeoneofy ourevi
l
fr
iends.
.
SoIchosetodieinsil
enceButam breaki
ngfree
now.Am leavi
ng.Bytheti
mey oureadthisi
will
belonggoneandev enify
oudol ookforusyou
wil
lneverfi
ndus.
Ihopey
our
oti
nhel
l
...
.

I
t'
sme,
Thedaught
ery
ouhav
edef
lower
ed-
--
Ipl
acedt
hepaperont
heki
tchent
abl
e.
Wokeceboup.
Wet
ookourbagsandsneakedoutt
hehouse.

Afterwelef
tther
ustyanddir
tysl
umsweran
forourdearl
if
eunti
lwestoppedneart
hemai
n
road.
I
tswhenwest
oppedt
hati
tfi
nal
l
ysunki
n.I
ts
10pm.
Idi
dn'
tknowwher ewewer egoi
ng,wehadno
pl
acetosleep,
nof oodt
oeatandnomoney ,
wewerehomel essandst
randed.

"si
yaphi
sisi
"Ceboasked.Shewasst
il
lsl
eepy
.I
fel
tbadl
iket
hiswasallmyfaul
t.

"l
et'
sgodownt
her
oad,
sur
elywewi
l
lfi
nda
safeplacejusttor
estfortheni
ght"Isai
dtaki
ng
theotherbagf r
om herbecausei
tlookedli
ke
shewast ir
ed.

Asifshesawhowdev ast
atedIwas,
shedi
dn'
t
gi
vemeaf uss,shej
ustheldmyhandandwe
wal
keddownt hequi
etroadincompl
etesi
l
ence.

#ADMI
N
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYNI
NE

Withnowheretogowef oll
owedtheroadtoa
smallt
radi
ngcenter.Wef oundanoldbutcher
shopwhichclosedov er
nightandfi
guredout
howtosneaki nsi
det osl
eep.Withmuchluck
wewer eabl
et ogetin.
"iguesswehavet
ocrushheref
ort
heni
ght
"I
sai
df eel
i
ngt
ir
edandsleepy
.
Ipl
acedourbagsont
hef
loor
.
Theplacesmel
l
edsohor
ri
bleandl
i
keadead
rathaddi
edint
her
e.

"Ihat
ethi
splace,
Idon'
twannasl
eepher
e"
cebocomplai
ned.

Me:butNanai
tsj
ustfort
oni
ght,
Ihat
ethi
s
pl
acetoobutwehavenowher
eelset
ogo.
Her:
yhucks,
itsmel
l
sli
keadeadf
ishi
nher
e,
can'
twegosomewhereel
se.
Me: wecan'tcont
inuer
oami
ngthestreet
sat
thi
shour,somebadpeoplemightspotusand
harm us.
Let
'sj
ustsl
eepfort
oni
ght
,wewi
l
llookf
ora
newplacei
nthemorni
ng.

Shehesi
tant
lynodded,
Itr
iedt
omaket
hepl
ace
comfor
tabl
eforus.
Ispreadtheol
dwornoutbl
ankedonthef
loor
,
thentooktheot
herr
uggedgreyonet
ocover
ourselves.
Wesai dapr ayer
: Fatherl
ordpleaseprot ectus
thi
sni ght,guardusandshi el
dusf r
om t heev il
l
urkingi nthedarknessoft hisworldwai tingto
destroyt heinnocence, pl
easemakeourmot her
comebackandt el l
dadt owatchov erus.Ipr ay
i
ny ournameohl ordourPr ot
ector,
iny our
namewear esav edAmen.

Af
terpray
ing,
Iheldceboclosel
ytr
yingt
okeep
warm aswedrif
tedtolal
aland.
Thatni
ghtIdreamtaboutmystepdadl
ooki
ng
forusandeventual
l
yfi
ndingus.
Hewant edtokil
lusbothwhil
epeoplewatched.
Theydi
dn'thelpus.Eventhepol
icenevercame
toourrescue,t
heywatchedwhil
et hi
smonster
wasreadyt ochopustodeath.

Iwokeupsweat
yandmyhear
tsl
ummi
ngoutof
mychest
.

"pl
easeGoddon'tal
lowt
hatdev
ilt
ofi
ndus"i
sai
dashortpr
ayer.

Cebowassoundasleepbesi deme.Icover
ed
herproper
lywhi
lemyey esgazedatherwith
morewor r
iest
hansoluti
ons,Ihadnoidea
wherewouldgofrom here.
Iwasj
ustcl
uel
ess.
Iwentbacktosl
eephopi
ngt
hatt
omor
row
Mightbr
ingussunshi
ne
*
*
*
*
Twomont
hsl
ater
.

Wewerestil
lleavi
nginthestr
eets.Andwe
werest
il
lsl
eepingatthereeki
ngwor nout
but
chershop.Cebohadf i
nall
ycamet oter
ms
wit
hoursit
uationeventhoughitwashardfor
her
.
Wewer et
heonlypeopl
einsidet hatbuil
dingat
night
.Wewouldwakeoursel
v esupbef ore
dawnsothatt
heownerwouldn’ tfindusthere,
thenwewalkt
othemaincityt ofindfoodand
wat
er.
..
.
Webat heonthestreet
st apsontheweehour
s
ofthemorning,
fixedourselvest
hengotr
eady
forschool
.
Dur
ingthedayt
imeourcl
othesstayedundert
he
bi
grubbishbi
nbehi
ndthebutchershop.
Af t
erschool wewoul dgobackt othest r
eetsto
fendfordi nner,atleastthefeedi ngschemeat
school helpedusal otwithlunch.Wegott o
knowmanyoft hestreetchil
dr enbutthey
thoughtwehadahomet ogot o;wedi dn’
ttell
them thatwewer esleepinginanol drusty
smelli
ngpl acedownt heroad.May beitwas
bestiftheydi dn'tknowl easttheyst ar
ttobug
usandFi ghtusf oroursafesanct uary.Well
eventuall
yt heowneroft hepi tfi
ndusandhe
chasedusoutofhi sshoppr omisingtocal l
the
copsonusweev ercameback.
Wet
ookourst
uffandl
eftt
hepl
ace
"wheredowegonow"cebosaid"Imisshome,
ouroldhome,Imi
ssmom, whenisshecoming
back,whydi
dsheleav
eus?Doesshehateus?
I
sshepunishi
ngus?"MostofCebo'
squesti
ons
pi
ercedthr
oughmyheart
,Ihadnoanswersfor
her.
Justl
i
keher,
Imissedhome,Ial
sowasdy
ingt
o
knowwhereourmom was.
ItoowasHopingt
hatshewi
l
lonedaycome
backforus.

"mom wil
lbebackf
orusy
ouwil
lsee"It
ri
edt
o
conv
incebot
hCeboandmyhear
t.

"f
ornowlet
'sgouptowntotheot
herki
ds,
we
wi
llst
ayatt
heirpl
ace"Isai
d.
"sowegonnal i
veundert
hebridges,myfr
iends
wil
lteasemewhent heyf
indout.Li
sawil
lstop
bei
ngf ri
endswi
thme"shesaid

"shewon'
tdear,
whowouldwannastopbeing
fr
iendswi
thsomeoneaswonder
ful
asy ou"I
said

"whowouldwannabef r
iendapersonWho
sl
eepsundert
hebridgesandli
vesonthe
st
reet
s"ikeptqui
etandswallowedalump.

"atruefriend"Ifi
nallysai
d"at ruef r
iendwoul d
neverjudgey ou,l
aughaty ou, teasey ouort ur
n
againstyou,at r
uef r
iendwillclimbmount ains
wit
hy ou,shewoul dr i
dewi t
hy oui nthedar kest
al
ly.Shewi ll
holdy ourhandandhel py ouup
wheny ouf al
l.Andwheny ouf eel scaredand
l
ostshewi l
lberighttherefeelingscar edand
l
ostwi
thy
ou"

"Iwantat
ruef
ri
end"shesay
s

"wel
lIt
hinkLi
saisatruefri
end"Ismil
eather
andwewalkeduptowndraggingourdi
rt
ybags

Eventuallywest ar
tedsleepingwitht heot her
ki
dsi nthecity,underneat ht
hemar ketst all
s.
Mostoft heotherstreetkidshadjobssot hey
helpedmef i
ndwor ki nanabattoir
.Ev eryAf t
er
school Iusedtohol dthecows’ l
egswhi l
et hey
wer ebeingslaughteredandi nexchanget he
ownergav emesmal lpiecesofmeat .
Somet imesIwoul dr oastthemeatov eraf i
re
andt akeittocebosomeday sIwillsellthe
meett omakeSomeext racashforourneeds.
I
nthecoldseasonweoftenbui
l
tfi
rest
okeep
warm.Ifanyonehadwat
erwewouldboi
litt
o
dr
ink,
andoccasional
l
ysomeonewouldhave
meattoroast.

ourjobsdi dn’tpayenought oeat .Oftenwe

foundour selvesst eali
ngfrom mar ketst al
ls–
somet i
mesbr ead, somet i
mesf ruit
s.Inev erdid
bigburglariesthoughandInev erpickpocket ed.
Thoset hingsscar edme; t
hecommuni tykil
ls
anyonewhoi scaughti nabur glary.Themob
j
usticetheydel iv
er edonst reetskidscaught
steali
ngwasj ustdr eadful
.Imagi nebeingbur nt
ali
ve,theybeaty oui nt
oapul pthenpl aceat yre
aroundy ourneck, pourpet rolandsety ouon
fi
re.
Tot hecommunit
ywewer eadiseasethat
neededtobecuredorgetri
dof.Theykept
sayingweranawayfr
om ourhomes, t
heynever
caredtoknowwhyweact ual
lyr
anaway ,t
hey
didntcareIusedt opr
aythatGodwouldprovi
de
foodt okeepmef rom havi
ngtodothat
.I’
m not
at hiefbynat
ure,Iwassteal
ingsot
hatmy
sisterandIcouldsurv
ive
Theyj
ustdi
dntunder
stand.
IwokeupPal e,
scrawny-
facedandwi th
bloodshotey esfrom ani
ghtofimpr opersleeps,
atleastt odaywasaSat urdaymeaningt hat,no
school ,
sot odaywasbetterthanotherdays
wher ewehadt obeupasear lyas5am atone
oft heci ty
’sfastfoodoutl
etsbeggi
ngf or
any thingfrom foodtomoneyf rom passers-by,
l
ifewashar sh.

Iworemyf i
l
thyandtorncl
othesandmy
unwashedbodygiveapungentsmellt
hat
testi
fi
esofmonthsgonebywithoutaproper
bath.
“Brother
,mayyougiv
emet worandplease,
”i
plead,gazi
ngatahurr
iedl
ywalkingy
oungman
whoi sclut
chi
ngaboxofpizza.

Thesmar t
ly-
dressedmantossesacoinatme
whichicaughtwithbot
hhands—t hi
swasa
tr
easur
edgi f
tnottobetakenforgr
anted.

Thisroutinespeakst omeonmydai lyli

fe
(hardlyt
hel ifemypar entshadinmi ndwhen
theygav emet henamei minathii
nkosi“which
meansGodi swi thus”)
,mystomachgr umble
soIwokeceboupandwewentt olookf or
somet hi
ngt oeatont hecit
yMal l
srubbishheap.
Anel derl
ywomanwhoal soseemedt obe
sufferi
ngj udgingbyhowshel ooked,gaveusa
l
oafofwhi tebr ead.

"owhgogobuty
ouseem bej
ustaspoorasus"
isaidlookingatherr
ustywr
inkl
edfeet,shewas
barefootedwithator
nlongt
radit
ional
dr ess.

"nothat
hani bantabami,t
heIndianshavegi
ven
memor ethanenoughbr ead,theygivemethei
r
ol
dbreadev eryday"shesayspointi
ngatan
I
ndianbakeryshop.
"somet imeswedon' tgi
vebecausewehav e
everythi
ngbutwegi vebecauseweknowhowi t
feelsli
ket ohav enothi
ngbantabami .Iknow
theysayi ttakesav i
ll
agetoraiseaki dbut
somet imesi ttakesagoodmot hert
or ai
sea
vil
lage.Ican'tletyousuff
erinhungerwhi leI
hav esomet hingtogive"shecont i
nued

"t
hanky
ougogo"webot
hsai
dmout
hful
l
y.

Wewav
edhergoodby
easwewal
kedawaywi
th
smil
esonourfaces.Shereallywasan
i
ncredi
bleol
dlady,
full
ofwi sdom too,I
wonderedwherewereherkidsandgr andki
dst
o
hel
pher.Sheseemedol dandt i
red.
Ast hedayprogressest owar
dsnoon,agr oupof
ourpeers,agedbet ween10and16, gatheredat
astreetcorneroutsidearest
auranti
nthe
central
businessdistri
ct,wi
ththei
rheads
duckedt othegroundl i
keagroupofvultures
aroundacar cass.

Oneoftheboysiscl
utchi
ngapackofpl ayi
ng
cardswhichhedi
str
ibut
estotheotherswit
h
thedext
erit
yofanexperi
encedgambler.

Wewerepl
ayi
ngagameofpoker
,gambli
ng
awayt
hemoneycol
l
ect
edfr
om well
-wi
shers.
Thereisexci
tementamongstusaswegambled
thedayaway.clear
lyobl
i
viousoft
hel
awsof
thecountr
ythatmakeourlit
tl
egamei
ll
egal
.

Nobody,i
ncl
udingt
hepol i
ce,seemstocar
eas
wegoaboutourbusiness,av
oidingbumpi
ng
i
ntotheboys.

Wegambl ewi
thdenominati
onsr
angi
ngfr
om
tworandtoaR10dependingont
heavai
l
abil
i
ty
ofcash,

Afteragoodplay
,y oucanendupwi t
hR50,
whichmeansy ouhav eenoughmoneyforaloaf
ofbread,asof
tdrinkandfreshchi
pstolastyou
evenawhol eweek.WhichwasChr i
stmasfor
us.
Li
fei
snotr
osyher
e,y
oucangetbeat
enby
olderchil
drenwhoattimesforceyouto
surrendertheli
tt
lemoneyyouwoul dhavemade
from beggingorgambli
ng.Duringgambling,
theysomet imesbeatusifwewi nandtakeall
themoney ,sowehadt obealertandsneaky.
Theni ghtsareof tenpenetrat
inglycoldher eand
wi t
houtblanketsoranyf orm ofshelter
,thecold
rainanddampgr oundcanmakeani ghtseem
excruciati
nglylong.Wecuddl edonacar dboard
andcov er
edour selveswi t
hasackandt heworn
outblanketonourf rai
lthi
nbodi es.Any
unfami l
iarnoiseawakensme; t
heconst antfear
ofat t
ack,robberyorwhatmi ghtbewor se:a
threatofSodomyal ar mi
nglylurksatever yni
ght
-fal
l!

Wel i
vedasemi -
nomadi cl
if
e,constantl
y
hauntedbythugs,watchmenandev enthe
poli
ce;ourent
ir
eexistenceconsist
sofsur vi
vi
ng
thr
ought hest
arkestpover
ty,r
elent
lessl
yforced
tomov efr
om onepl acetot henext
,seeki
ng
shelt
erinabandonedbui l
dingsoremptyhalf
-
roofshopsinthemar ketplaceduri
ngthecol
d
KZNni ght
s.Thestreetisallwehadt ocal
l
“home”.

Thi
spar t
icul
arSatur
dayni
ghtisspentunderthe
cover
ingofabridgeandforoncewewer elef
t
al
onef r
om anyunwantedint
rusi
on.Thenoise
oft
heci t
y
diesdownandexceptf ort
heoccasional
moani ngutteredduringabaddr eam,ally
ou
hearisdogsbar ki
nginadi st
ance.Welayclose
togetherkeepingeachot herwarm and
comf ort
edthr oughoutthenight
.Itwascebo,
another12y earsoldgirlnamedPr et
ty,
andI,we
sharedtheBl anket.
*
*
*
Bef
orelong,dawnbreaksandourdaybegi n.
Ourcl
othesaredampanddi r
ty,
smot heredwith
mud,ashandf eces;
thest
enchfrom eachofus
i
senought omakey ourst
omachchur n!

Bath-
dayt oday !Oneoft hegi rl
ssuggestedasif
sher eadmymi ndandwest art
edona3km
hiketofindasecl udedout l
etofaRi verwhere
wecoul dbat he.TheRi verwasouronl ysour
ce
ofwat eryetafterbathingi nit;
weof tencome
outsmel li
ngev enwor set hanbef or
e!
Occasionallythewat erissocont aminat
edby
toxi
cwast e,acidandsewagei tcauses
outbr
eaksofhi vesorev ent hir
d-degreeburns
mosteasi lyall
ergicbodies.
Yether
eIfoundi
tmuchbet
tert
hanst
ayi
ngi
n
mystepdad'
shouse.
#Admi
n.
ani
deaofhowI
MINATHIl
ooksl
i
ke
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYNI
NE

Withnowheretogowef oll
owedtheroadtoa
smallt
radi
ngcenter.Wef oundanoldbutcher
shopwhichclosedov er
nightandfi
guredout
howtosneaki nsi
det osl
eep.Withmuchluck
wewer eabl
et ogetin.

"iguesswehavet
ocrushheref
ort
heni
ght
"I
sai
df eel
i
ngt
ir
edandsleepy
.
Ipl
acedourbagsont
hef
loor
.
Theplacesmel
l
edsohor
ri
bleandl
i
keadead
rathaddi
edint
her
e.
"Ihat
ethi
splace,
Idon'
twannasl
eepher
e"
cebocomplai
ned.

Me:butNanai
tsj
ustfort
oni
ght,
Ihat
ethi
s
pl
acetoobutwehavenowher
eelset
ogo.
Her:
yhucks,
itsmel
l
sli
keadeadf
ishi
nher
e,
can'
twegosomewhereel
se.
Me: wecan'tcont
inuer
oami
ngthestreet
sat
thi
shour,somebadpeoplemightspotusand
harm us.
Let
'sj
ustsl
eepfort
oni
ght
,wewi
l
llookf
ora
newplacei
nthemorni
ng.

Shehesi
tant
lynodded,
Itr
iedt
omaket
hepl
ace
comfor
tabl
eforus.
Ispreadtheol
dwornoutbl
ankedonthef
loor
,
thentooktheot
herr
uggedgreyonet
ocover
oursel
ves.
Wesai dapr ayer
: Fatherl
ordpleaseprot ectus
thi
sni ght,guardusandshi el
dusf r
om t heev il
l
urkingi nthedarknessoft hisworldwai tingto
destroyt heinnocence, pl
easemakeourmot her
comebackandt el l
dadt owatchov erus.Ipr ay
i
ny ournameohl ordourPr ot
ector,
iny our
namewear esav edAmen.

Af
terpray
ing,
Iheldceboclosel
ytr
yingt
okeep
warm aswedrif
tedtolal
aland.

Thatni
ghtIdreamtaboutmystepdadl
ooki
ng
forusandeventual
l
yfi
ndingus.
Hewant edtokil
lusbothwhil
epeoplewatched.
Theydi
dn'thelpus.Eventhepol
icenevercame
toourrescue,t
heywatchedwhil
et hi
smonster
wasreadyt ochopustodeath.
Iwokeupsweat
yandmyhear
tsl
ummi
ngoutof
mychest
.

"pl
easeGoddon'tal
lowt
hatdev
ilt
ofi
ndus"i
sai
dashortpr
ayer.

Cebowassoundasleepbesi deme.Icover
ed
herproper
lywhi
lemyey esgazedatherwith
morewor r
iest
hansoluti
ons,Ihadnoidea
wherewouldgofrom here.
Iwasj
ustcl
uel
ess.
Iwentbacktosl
eephopi
ngt
hatt
omor
row
Mightbr
ingussunshi
ne
*
*
*
*
Twomont
hsl
ater
.

Wewerestil
lleavi
nginthestr
eets.Andwe
werest
il
lsl
eepingatthereeki
ngwor nout
but
chershop.Cebohadf i
nall
ycamet oter
ms
wit
hoursit
uationeventhoughitwashardfor
her
.
Wewer etheonlypeopl
einsidet hatbuil
dingat
night
.Wewoul dwakeoursel
v esupbef ore
dawnsot hatt
heownerwouldn’ tfindusthere,
thenwewal kt
othemaincityt ofindfoodand
water.
..
.
Webat heonthestreet
st apsontheweehour
s
ofthemorning,
fixedourselvest
hengotr
eady
forschool
.
Dur
ingthedayt
imeourcl
othesstayedundert
he
bi
grubbishbi
nbehi
ndthebutchershop.
Af t
erschool wewoul dgobackt othest r
eetsto
fendfordi nner,atleastthefeedi ngschemeat
school helpedusal otwithlunch.Wegott o
knowmanyoft hestreetchil
dr enbutthey
thoughtwehadahomet ogot o;wedi dn’
ttell
them thatwewer esleepinginanol drusty
smelli
ngpl acedownt heroad.May beitwas
bestiftheydi dn'tknowl easttheyst ar
ttobug
usandFi ghtusf oroursafesanct uary.Well
eventuall
yt heowneroft hepi tfi
ndusandhe
chasedusoutofhi sshoppr omisingtocal l
the
copsonusweev ercameback.
Wet
ookourst
uffandl
eftt
hepl
ace

"wheredowegonow"cebosaid"Imisshome,
ouroldhome,Imi
ssmom, whenisshecoming
back,whydi
dsheleav
eus?Doesshehateus?
I
sshepunishi
ngus?"MostofCebo'
squesti
ons
pi
ercedthr
oughmyheart
,Ihadnoanswersfor
her.
Justl
i
keher,
Imissedhome,Ial
sowasdy
ingt
o
knowwhereourmom was.
ItoowasHopingt
hatshewi
l
lonedaycome
backforus.

"mom wil
lbebackf
orusy
ouwil
lsee"It
ri
edt
o
conv
incebot
hCeboandmyhear
t.

"f
ornowlet
'sgouptowntotheot
herki
ds,
we
wi
llst
ayatt
heirpl
ace"Isai
d.

"sowegonnal i
veundert
hebridges,myfr
iends
wil
lteasemewhent heyf
indout.Li
sawil
lstop
bei
ngf ri
endswi
thme"shesaid

"shewon'
tdear,
whowouldwannastopbeing
fr
iendswi
thsomeoneaswonder
ful
asy ou"I
said
"whowouldwannabef r
iendapersonWho
sl
eepsundert
hebridgesandli
vesonthe
st
reet
s"ikeptqui
etandswallowedalump.

"atruef r
iend"Ifi
nallysai
d"at ruef r
iendwoul d
neverjudgey ou,l
aughaty ou, teasey ouort ur
n
againstyou,at r
uef r
iendwillclimbmount ains
wit
hy ou,shewoul dr i
dewi t
hy oui nthedar kest
al
ly.Shewi ll
holdy ourhandandhel py ouup
wheny ouf al
l.Andwheny ouf eel scaredand
l
ostshewi l
lberighttherefeelingscar edand
l
ostwi thyou"

"Iwantat
ruef
ri
end"shesay
s

"wel
lIt
hinkLi
saisatruefri
end"Ismil
eather
andwewalkeduptowndraggingourdi
rt
ybags
Eventuallywest ar
tedsleepingwitht heot her
ki
dsi nthecity,underneat ht
hemar ketst all
s.
Mostoft heotherstreetkidshadjobssot hey
helpedmef i
ndwor ki nanabattoir
.Ev eryAf t
er
school Iusedtohol dthecows’ l
egswhi l
et hey
wer ebeingslaughteredandi nexchanget he
ownergav emesmal lpiecesofmeat .
Somet imesIwoul dr oastthemeatov eraf i
re
andt akeittocebosomeday sIwillsellthe
meett omakeSomeext racashforourneeds.

I
nthecoldseasonweoftenbui
l
tfi
rest
okeep
warm.Ifanyonehadwat
erwewouldboi
litt
o
dr
ink,
andoccasional
l
ysomeonewouldhave
meattoroast.

ourjobsdidn’
tpayenoughtoeat
.Oftenwe
foundourselv
essteal
ingf
rom marketst
all
s–
somet i
mesbr ead, somet i
mesf ruit
s.Inev erdid
bi
gbur glariesthoughandInev erpickpocket ed.
Thoset hingsscar edme; t
hecommuni tykil
ls
anyonewhoi scaughti nabur glary.Themob
j
usticetheydel iv
er edonst reetskidscaught
steali
ngwasj ustdr eadful
.Imagi nebeingbur nt
al
ive,theybeaty oui nt
oapul pthenpl aceat yre
aroundy ourneck, pourpet rolandsety ouon
fi
re.
Tot hecommuni tywewer eadi seasethat
neededt obecur edorgetr i
dof .Theykept
say ingwer anawayf r
om ourhomes, theynever
car edtoknowwhyweact ual
lyranaway ,
they
didntcar eIusedt opr
aythatGodwoul dpr ovi
de
foodt okeepmef rom havi
ngt odot hat.I
’m not
at hiefbynature,Iwassteali
ngsot hatmy
sisterandIcoul dsurv
ive
Theyj
ustdi
dntunder
stand.
IwokeupPale,
scrawny-
facedandwi
th
bl
oodshotey
esfrom ani
ghtofimpr
opersl
eeps,
atl
eastt odaywasaSat ur
daymeani ngt hat,
no
school ,
sot odaywasbetterthanotherdays
wher ewehadt obeupasear lyas5am atone
oftheci ty
’sfastfoodout
letsbeggi
ngf or
anythingfrom foodtomoneyf rom passers-
by,
l
ifewashar sh.

Iworemyf i
l
thyandtorncl
othesandmy
unwashedbodygiveapungentsmellt
hat
testi
fi
esofmonthsgonebywithoutaproper
bath.

“Brother
,mayyougiv
emet worandplease,
”i
plead,gazi
ngatahurr
iedl
ywalkingy
oungman
whoi sclut
chi
ngaboxofpizza.

Thesmar t
ly-
dressedmantossesacoinatme
whichicaughtwithbot
hhands—t hi
swasa
tr
easur
edgi f
tnottobetakenforgr
anted.
Thisroutinespeakst omeonmydai lyli
fe
(hardlyt
hel ifemypar entshadinmi ndwhen
theygav emet henamei minathii
nkosi“which
meansGodi swi thus”)
,mystomachgr umble
soIwokeceboupandwewentt olookf or
somet hi
ngt oeatont hecit
yMal l
srubbishheap.
Anel derl
ywomanwhoal soseemedt obe
sufferi
ngj udgingbyhowshel ooked,gaveusa
l
oafofwhi tebr ead.

"owhgogobuty ouseem bejustaspoorasus"

isaidlookingatherr
ustywri
nkledfeet,shewas
barefootedwithator
nlongtr
adi t
ional
dr ess.

"nothat
hani bantabami,t
heIndianshavegi
ven
memor ethanenoughbr ead,theygivemethei
r
ol
dbreadev eryday"shesayspointi
ngatan
I
ndianbakeryshop.
"somet imeswedon' tgi
vebecausewehav e
everythi
ngbutwegi vebecauseweknowhowi t
feelsli
ket ohav enothi
ngbantabami .Iknow
theysayi ttakesav i
ll
agetoraiseaki dbut
somet imesi ttakesagoodmot hert
or ai
sea
vil
lage.Ican'tletyousuff
erinhungerwhi leI
hav esomet hingtogive"shecont i
nued

"t
hanky
ougogo"webot
hsai
dmout
hful
l
y.

Wewav edhergoodbyeaswewal kedawaywit

h
smil
esonourfaces.Shereallywasan
i
ncredi
bleol
dlady,f
ull
ofwi sdom too,I
wonderedwherewereherkidsandgr andki
dst
o
hel
pher.Sheseemedol dandt i
red.
Asthedayprogressestowardsnoon,agr oupof
ourpeers,
agedbet ween10and16, gatheredat
astr
eetcorneroutsidearest
auranti
nthe
cent
ralbusi
nessdistri
ct,
withthei
rheads
duckedtothegroundl
i
keagr
oupofv
ult
ures
aroundacarcass.

Oneoftheboysiscl
utchi
ngapackofpl ayi
ng
cardswhichhedi
str
ibut
estotheotherswit
h
thedext
erit
yofanexperi
encedgambler.

Wewerepl
ayi
ngagameofpoker
,gambli
ng
awayt
hemoneycol
l
ect
edfr
om well
-wi
shers.

Thereisexci
tementamongstusaswegambled
thedayaway.clear
lyobl
i
viousoft
hel
awsof
thecountr
ythatmakeourlit
tl
egamei
ll
egal
.

Nobody,i
ncl
udingt
hepol i
ce,seemstocar
eas
wegoaboutourbusiness,av
oidingbumpi
ng
i
ntotheboys.
Wegambl ewi
thdenominati
onsr
angi
ngfr
om
tworandtoaR10dependingont
heavai
l
abil
i
ty
ofcash,

Afteragoodplay
,y oucanendupwi t
hR50,
whichmeansy ouhav eenoughmoneyforaloaf
ofbread,asof
tdrinkandfreshchi
pstolastyou
evenawhol eweek.WhichwasChr i
stmasfor
us.
Lifeisnotrosyhere,
youcangetbeat enby
olderchil
drenwhoatt i
mesf orceyouto
surrendertheli
tt
lemoneyy ouwoul dhavemade
from beggingorgambling.Duringgambling,
theysomet imesbeatusifwewi nandtakeall
themoney ,sowehadt obeal ertandsneaky.
Theni ght
sar eoftenpenet
rat
ingl
ycoldhereand
withoutblanket
soranyf or
m ofshel
ter,t
hecold
rai
nanddampgr oundcanmakeani ghtseem
excruciat
ingl
ylong.Wecuddledonacar dboard
andcov eredoursel
veswi t
hasackandt heworn
outblanketonourf rai
lthi
nbodies.Any
unfami l
i
arnoiseawakensme; t
heconstantf
ear
ofat t
ack,robber
yorwhatmi ghtbeworse:a
threatofSodomyal armi
nglylur
ksateveryni
ght
-fal
l!

Wel i
vedasemi -nomadi cl i
fe,constantly
haunt edbyt hugs, watchmenandev enthe
police;ourentireexi st
enceconsi st
sofsur vi
vi
ng
throught hestarkestpov ert
y ,r
elent
lesslyf or
ced
tomov efrom onepl acet othenext, seeking
shelterinabandonedbui ldi
ngsorempt yhal f
-
roofshopsi nthemar ketplacedur i
ngt hecol d
KZNni ghts.Thest reetisall wehadt ocall
“home” .

Thi
spart
icul
arSatur
dayni
ghtisspentunderthe
cov
eri
ngofabridgeandforoncewewer elef
t
al
onef
rom anyunwant
edi
ntr
usi
on.Thenoi
se
oft
heci
ty
diesdownandexceptf ort
heoccasional
moani ngutteredduringabaddr eam,ally
ou
hearisdogsbar ki
nginadi st
ance.Welayclose
togetherkeepingeachot herwarm and
comf ort
edthr oughoutthenight
.Itwascebo,
another12y earsoldgirlnamedPr et
ty,
andI,we
sharedtheBl anket.
*
*
*
Bef
orelong,dawnbreaksandourdaybegi n.
Ourcl
othesaredampanddi r
ty,
smot heredwith
mud,ashandf eces;
thest
enchfrom eachofus
i
senought omakey ourst
omachchur n!

Bat
h-dayt
oday
!Oneoft
hegi
rl
ssuggest
edasi
f
sher eadmymi ndandwest art
edona3km
hiketofindasecl udedout l
etofaRi verwhere
wecoul dbat he.TheRi verwasouronl ysour
ce
ofwat eryetafterbathingi nit;
weof tencome
outsmel li
ngev enwor set hanbef or
e!
Occasionallythewat erissocont aminat
edby
toxi
cwast e,acidandsewagei tcauses
outbr
eaksofhi vesorev ent hir
d-degreeburns
mosteasi lyall
ergicbodies.
Yether
eIfoundi
tmuchbet
tert
hanst
ayi
ngi
n
mystepdad'
shouse.

#Admi
n.
ani
deaofhowI
MINATHIl
ooksl
i
ke

BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYELEVEN
Ourhowlsofr enewedwr at hwentupf r
om t he
devi
l'
srowt hr
oats.Tat t
eredgami nsont her i
ght
madeaf uri
ousassaul tont hegravelheap.On
oursmall,
conv ul
sedf acesshonet hegr i
nsof
tr
ueassassins.Ast hoset hreedr
unkcr eepy
l
ookingguyschar gedatus.Wet hrewst ones
andcursedinshr i
ll
schor us.

Wehadwokenupt hatmor ningtogol ookf or

foodont hemar ketplace, i
twasst i
l
labi tdar k,
wewentatt hemar ketstall
sonl yt
of i
ndt hree
guyswhower esmoki ngdagganeart hecor ner,
theywerealreadyhi ghfrom howt heireyes
were,redasadev il
,uponseei ngust heyt hrew
fewnast yr
emar ksmocki ngourbodies, t
alking
abouthowl oudt heycanmakeusscr eam whi l
e
gri
ndingontopofus.Theyt r
iedtaki
ng
advantageofus, itwasPr etty,
CeboandI .But
thenIguesst heypickedt hewr onggirl
sto
messwi t
hbecausewesur elyshowedt hem hel
l
thr
owingthebrokenbri
cksatt hem.Inthese
str
eetswehadl ear
nedtofightinorderto
defendoursel
vesfr
om Thewol v
eslurki
ngin
everydar
kcorner.Wefoughtlikeourliv
es
dependedonit.
Wewer eli
kesmallcombatant
saswepounded,
ki
cked,scr
atchedandtor
eoneoftheguy
sas
hi
sfri
endsranandlefthi
m.
Hebegant oweepandhi scursesstr
uggledin
hi
sthroatwithsobs.Otherstr
eetki
dswer e
al
readythere,t
heyclaspedthei
rhandsand
wri
ggledtheirl
egsinexcit
ement.Theyformed
abobbingcircl
earoundusast heycheer
ed.

If
eltmysel
fsl
i
ppingaway,Iwentrogue.I
wantedtor
eaptheguy'
sthroatout
.
Iwasfi
ll
edwit
hrage.Iwantedtohurt
,
somehowIfel
tli
kehurt
inghim wi
llst
opmy
hear
tfrom bl
eedi
ng.Ihopedi
twi
l
lst
opmysoul
fr
om hurt
ing

"whosenty ouhere,whatdoyouwantfr
om us,
di
dmyst epdadsendyou"Ir
oaredasmygri
p
gotti
ghteraroundhi
sthroat
,Iwantedt
o
squeezethelif
eoutofhim
Ceboandpr et
tywer eontopofhim,beat i
nghim
withstones.Hewasal r
eadybl
eeding
excessivel
y.Ididn'tcar
e,hi
sbl
ooddi dn'tscar
e
me, Iwantedtost ophimf r
om br
eathing.
DeepdownIknewwehadt ostop,weneededt o
stopbefor
eweki l
lhi
m.Chil
drenshouldn'
tbe
doingthi
s.Butt
henwewer enolongerinnocent
,
weusedt obekidsbutnowwear ejustwil
d
creat
uresmixedupinthi
shorri
bleworldof
vi
olence.

Wef
inal
l
yjumpedof
fhi
mthemomentwehear
d
pol
i
cesi
rens.
Someonemusthav
ecal
l
edt
hem.

All
thekidscheeri
ngforushaddi
sappeared
i
ntothi
nair.Ihel
dCebo'shandaswer anfor
ourdearli
fe.Wefoundasafehi
dingspotunder
somebigwoodencr ates.

"I
tsthosenastystr
eetskids,whydoweal low
thesemonsterstoroam ourstreet
sfreel
y,now
l
ookatwhatt heydid,t
heyal mostki
ll
edthe
poorguy"somewomanwhousual lysell
s
tomatoesonthemar ketsaid.

"ziyahl
uphal ezi
nto,theyshouldgat
herthem al
l
,
roundt hem upandl ockthem away,weareti
red
now, enoughi senough,asifthei
rsti
nkisnot
enough, thesevult
uresstealfr
om us,nowthey
wantt
oki
ll
us,
theymustbear
rest
ed"anot
her
womancompl
ained

"doweev enknowwhytheyRunawayfr
om
thei
rhomes,maybethei
rpar
ent
s'hav
ealsohad
enough"anot
hersai
d.

It
ssadt oseehowt heydespi sedus, their
remar kscl earlyshowedt heirhatredf orus.
What '
sev enwor seisthef actthatt heyar eall
women.Ai n'twomensupposedt obef ragil
e,
theyknowt hepai nofgivingbi rt
h, i
tshoul dbe
painful f
ort hem seei ngkidsr oami ngt he
streetswi thoutnoonet ocar eforthem.Women
aredescr ibedast hecar
egi versoft he
communi ty .IguessIexpect edt hem t obe
mor esy mpat hetictowardsoursi tuat i
on.But
theydi dn'
tcar e.Theywer econdemni ngusf or
sinswedi dn'tev enknow.Theyj ustwant edus
gone.

Afterawhil
eanambul ancehadcameandt ook
theguyaway .Thepoli
ceweresti
llr
oaming
aroundthestreet
slookingf
orus.Aft
ert
hey
drovedownthest r
eet,wecameoutofour
hidi
ngspot.

"Theyar
egoneguyscomeonlet
'sgo"Isai
d
getti
ngoutoft
hecr
ates,
Ihel
pedCeboand
prett
yout.

I
tsonl
ywhenwewer ewal
kingupt
hest
reet
whenInot
icedt
hatCebowasli
mpi
ng.

"Nanaarey
oualr
ight
"Isai
dbendi
ngdown
checki
ngherf
oot.
Herankl
ewasbr
uisedandr
eddi
sh.

"ouch"shesqueamedt
hemomentIt
ouched
thebrui
se.

"i
sitpai
nful
"Ifel
tst
upidaski
ngthe
obvi
ous.
shenoddedwit
htearsi
nherey
es.

"don'tcr
yohk,it
sgonnabeohk,Iwi
l
ltakeyou
tothecli
nic"r
eassuri
ngherwast
heonlyt
hingI
couldcomeoutwi th.

"It
wistedmyankl edwhenwet r
ippedtheguy,
i
tssopai nf
ul,Iwantt
hepaint
oend"herbr oken
voi
celeftalumpi nmythr
oat,
Iwi shesIcoul
d
makethepai ngoawayforher.
"i
tsgonnabeohkNana,
soonthi
swil
lbeal
l
ov
er"Isai
d,t
ryi
ngt
oholdtear
sfr
om f
all
i
ng.

"she'
sbl
eedi
ng"pr
ett
ysai
dpoi
ntatherback.

"yeh,what"Iqui
ckl
ystand,andIcoul
dseet
he
poolofbloodinherT-
shir
t.

"omg"Iwasmetbyahugecuti
nherback.

"babyweneedtogetyoutothehospi
tal"Isai
d,
thecutwashugeandbad,
thebrokenalcohol
bott
lesf
rom t
hefi
ghtmusthavecuther

"wowwhydidn'
tshefeel
sthat
,Imeant heCut
i
ssohugeandnasty,
youaresobrave,ifi
twas
me,Iwoul
dbecryi
ngontopofmyv oice"pret
ty
sai
d.

"It
hinkthepai
nisnumbf
ornow,
aft
erawhi
l
eit
wil
lseti
n"Isai
d.

"Nanahowar
eyouf
eel
i
ng"Iaskedher
.

"abi
tti
redandli
ghtheaded"shesai
d,Iguess
thel
i
ghtheadisf
rom thebloodl
oss.

"Ineedtogety outomedi chospi

tal
rightnow,
Prett
ygotoourpl ace,i
nmyschool bagy ouwi
ll
fi
ndourdocument s,bri
nghercardandbi rt
h
certi
fi
cat
ewithmycer ti
ficat
e,youwil
lfi
ndme
i
nt hehospi
tal"Isaidcarryi
ngmysisteronmy
back.
Pr
ettydidn'
tgi
vemeaf uss,
sherandownthe
st
reet,
headingtowar
dsthebri
dgeweli
vedin.
Istr
uggledwit
hmyheavysi
steronmyback,
stumbl
ingonmywayt omedichospi
tal
,atl
east
i
twasn'tthatf
arf
rom t
own.

"
Holdsti
l
lNana,don'
tsl
eep,st
aywithme"Isai
d,
t
ryi
ngtobeasfastasIpossi
blycoul
d.

I
tssadhowcarsj
ustpassedusbywi t
hout
gi
vingadamnaboutus.Ilear
ntt
hatdaythat
Peoplear
esocol
dhearted.

Ifi
nall
ygottot hehospital,
theyplacedmy
si
sterinawar dwhi l
eIremai nedoutside.Pretty
camewi ththedocument s,
Ifil
ledupt heforms
attherecepti
onar ea.iwentt othewar d,my
si
sterwaswi ncinginpainwi ththr
eeot hersick
pati
enceintheirbeds.Shewasunat tendedt o.I
hat
epubl
i
chospi
tal
s
Thenegl
i
gencei
sjustunbear
abl
e.

Theyonlypl
acedadr
iponher
,thecutwasst
il
l
unat
tendedtoo.
Theplacesmelledli
keashithol
e,st
ainedwalls
andsomebl oodont hef
loorwasadispleasi
ng
si
tetosee.Ifel
tmyst omachtur
n.IknowIam
fr
om af i
l
thyenvir
onmentbutourhell
holewas
bett
erthanthi
spigstypl
ace.

Anotherwomanonhermidthi
rt
ieswasbusy
moaningi
npaini
nherbed.
I
tswhenIreal
lyl
ookedathert
hatIr
eal
i
sedshe
waspregnant
Herscr
eamsPeir
cedmyear s.Shecr
iedcal
li
ng
onthenur
sessay
ingherbabywascomi ng
"yeystoppi
ngmakingnoise.besi
ngekhothi
na
wheny ouwerebusysleepi
ngaround"anurse
rudel
ysaidassheenteredthedoor.

"she'
sComing,
mybabyiscoming,
please
Si
sterhel
pme"thewomancri
ed

Thenur
segaveheradeat
hst
aret
hensl
i
ppedi
n
pl
ast
icgl
oves.
Shel
ift
edt
hewoman'
sgownup,
shewasnot
wear
ingapant
y.
Iwantedtolookawaybuti coul
dn'
t.Iguess
cur
iosit
yreal
lyki
ll
edthatcat.

"yewenaawuvulelamat
hanga"thenur
sey el
l
ed
sl
appinghert
highs,asi
fthatwasnotenough,
sheroughl
ypartedherl
egs.
Shei
nser
tedherf
ingeri
nherv
agi
na.

"mxm isesekudel
engane,awuyekeukubanga
umsindo,getoutf
rom thebedandwalkaround
"shetookoutherglov
es.

"nur
se,pl
easeIcanf
eelher
,she'
scomi
ng,
pl
easehel
pme"t hewomancried.

Thenur
sepaidnoatt
enti
ont
oher
,shewal
ked
awaycl
icki
nghert
ongue.

"uhm nur
se,mysisteri
ssti
ll
inalotofpai
n,
can'
tyoujustst
it
chherup"Isai
dasshewas
abouttowalkoutthedoor
.

Shesl
owl
ytur
nedandf
acedme,
sheshr
ugged
herf
aceli
keIhadjusti
nsultedherorsomet
hing.
Shel
ookedatmef rom headtotoesli
keIwas
somesti
nkingshi
t.

"doIlooklikeadoct ortoyou,l
otofpeopleare
i
npai ninhere,whatissospecialaboutyour
si
ster.Itol
dy outhatadoctoriscomingmanje
ufunangenzeni Mina,j
uststayther
eandwai t
andst opwhining,
"herresponserender
edme
mut e.

Sheexit
edthedoorandIwasl
eftwi
thal
umpi
n
mythroat.
Whyarenur sesinpubli
cHospit
alsandcli
nics
sorude.Whywor kwit
hpeopl
ewheny ouknow
verywell
thaty oudon'
thaveaheartanda
stomachforit.Thenursej
ustdegradedusint
o
somepieceofgar bage.
Fif
teenminutesafterthenurseleft
, t
hewoman
gavebirt
h,Ihadtor antocallt
henur ses.When
theycameint heyshoutedatherbl amingher
forpushi
ngthebabyoutbyf orce.Atleastt
he
babywasal i
veandheal thy
.
Theywheel
edheroutoft
hewar
d.

Wewai t
edf
orabouttwohourswithoutanyhel
p.
If
eltl
ikeaf
ail
urebecauseIcoul
dn'thel
pmy
si
ster
.

Awhil
elat
eradoct
orwalkedi
n.I
twasawhi
te
mal
ealmosti
nhismidfi
fti
esi
fam not
mi
staken.

Doct
or:Sorr
yfort
hewait,soy
ouar
eNomcebo.
Iam Dr
.Gupta.Ni
cetomeetyouNomcebo.
Howarey oudoi
ngtoday
?
Cebo:
Okay
.(Icoul
dheart
hepai
ninherv
oice)

Doctor:[
turni
ngtoMe]Andy ouar
eNomcebo'
s
sist
er,
Mi ssKhuzwayo?Nicetomeety
ou.
[ext
endshandt oshake]

Me:Nicet
omeety
ou,
also.[
shakeshandswi
th
doct
or]

Doct
or:
[tur
ningbackt
oCebo]
Sowhatbr
ings
youi
ntoday,Nomcebo?

Cebo:
Ihur
tmyankl
e.

Doct
or:
Whathappened?
Myhear tski
ppedabit,shecan'
ttel
lthedoctor
thatwewer ebeat
ingaguyi nt
oapulp,the
doctormightcal
lthecopsonus.Cebol ooked
atme, Isl
owlyshookmyhead.Shel ookedat
thedoctor

Cebo:
Iwasplayingand,Idon’
tknow,
IguessI
j
ustsl
ippedorsomethi
ng…

Doct
or:
Whendi
dthi
shappen?

"SHedidi tlastni
ght,t
hismor ni
ngInot
icedshe
wasl i
mpi ngandIt houghtIoughtt
obri
ngherin.
Idon’tthi
nki t’
sbroken,doyou?"Ij
umpedin
withoutthinking.

If
iddl
edwi
thmyfi
nger
sast
hedoct
orgav
eme
acanni
ngl
ook.
I
tsli
kehecouldtel
lthatIwasl
yi
ng,
butIcan'
t
t
ell
himthetrut
h.
"wher
e'sy
oupar
ent
s"heasked.
Icoughedpr
ofusel
y,
,,
,
,,

"well
,theypassedon,
wel
i
vewi
thmyuncl
ebut
he'
satwor k"Isai
d

Ij
ustdidn'twanthi mt ocal
lthesocialser
v i
ces
onus.Ifear edthattheywouldseparateusandI
couldn'
tbeawayf rom mysister
.Andbesi desif
Igot osocialservi
cesnoonewi lladoptme
becauseIam al readyold.

Doct
or:Wellyoushouldlethim know.Ohkthen
l
etmet akealookfi
rsttoseei fnothi
ngis
br
oken.[pul
l
sov erachair,si
tsdownf aci
ng
ceboandbegi
nstoexamineherankl
e]I’
mjust
goingt
otakealookaty
ourfoot.I
sthatsor
e?

Atl
easthewasgent
leandki
nd,
unl
i
ket
henur
se.

Cebo:
Ow,
yeah,
stop.Don’
ttouchi
t!

Me:i
tsohkNana,
Sitst
il
landl
ett
hedoct
ort
ake
al
ookatyou.

Doctor
:That’
sokay.Letmejustdoonemor e
t
hing.I
’m goi
ngtoeverty
ourfoot.[
ever
tsankl
e]

Cebo:
Owwww!C’
mon,
stop!Don’
ttouchi
t!
Ceboscr
eamedi
npai
n.
Ihel
dherhandandsqueez
edi
tgent
le
Doctor:Okaydear
,Iwon’thurty
ouanymore.
[noti
cesbrui
seinproxi
mal f
ibul
arar
ea,l
ooks
closer
]Whathappenedher e

Cebo:
Idon’
tknow,
IguessIf
ell
anot
hert
ime

Doctor:[
scanni
ngbothofCebo’
slegs,st
oppi
ng
overlef
tfemur]Andher
e?Anotherfal
l
?

Cebo:
Yeah,
sur
e.

Doct
or:[
conti
nui
ngt
oexaminecebo’sarms]
Nomcebo,canyout
akeyourshi
rtof
fforme
pl
ease?

I
tsonl
ythen,
thatIr
emember
edt
hecut
,shi
t,I
hav
etocomeupwi
thast
oryf
ort
hat

"owhIforgottoment i
on,shefel
lov
ersome
brokenbott
lesatourbackyardandapi
eceof
gl
asscuther "Ist
utt
ered

Cebotakesoffhershi
rtattheDoct
or’
s
i
nsist
ence.Thedoctorstar
edatthehugecut
forawhil
e,befor
ebrowsingthr
oughherwhole
body

Doctor
:[exami
nescebo,
pausingov ersever
al
spotsonarmsandback]Ceboy ouhav ealotof
brui
ses.Someareol
derthanothers,what’
s
beengoingon

It
sonlyt
henthatIal
sogottonoti
cet
hebr
uises,
Ihav
eneverseenthem bef
ore.
Seemsli
kemyl
i
ttl
esi
steri
sbei
ngabused
physi
cal
l
y

Doctor:MissKhuzway o,Ihavesomeconcer ns.

Nomcebohasal otofinjuri
esandsomeof
them seem tohav eoccurr
edatdiff
erentti
mes.
Whenweseet hati nachil
dwewor rythat
perhapstheinj
urieswerenotallacci
dental.I
s
youruncleabusingher

Me:No,notatal
l
,he'
sagoodman,
hehasbeen
goodt
ous

Doctor:
wellam sorr
ytosayt hi
sbutforcebo's
safet
y,weneedt ocheckaf ewthi
ngsbeyond
herankleandcut.Forthi
sreason,
Iam goingto
haveoneofoursoci al
workerscomeandt alkto
youandNomcebo.
Me:Youdon’
thav
etodot
hat
.Real
l
y,i
t’
sok.
Pl
ease.

Doctor
:Actual
ly,Idohav etodothat.I
t’
st helaw.
Themai nr
easonI ’
m doingiti
stobesur et hat
Nomceboissaf eathome.AndI ’m surethatis
whatyouwant ,t
oo.Raisingki
dscanbev ery
tough,
somet i
meswecanal lusealitt
lehelp…
Ir
emai
nedqui
et.
"Thembihit
sme, shemakesmedoher
homeworkandt easemeinf
rontofot
herki
ds"
Cebobrokethatsil
ence

Doctor
:honeywhoi
sthembi
,howl
onghasshe
beenhit
ti
ngyou.

"Nanawho'
sthembi
,whydi
dn'
tyout
ell
me"I
sai
dbr
ushi
nghershoul
der
.

"it
ssomegir
latschool
,she'
soldert
hanme,
shebul
li
esme.Am sorr
yIdidn'
ttel
lyou"she
sai
d.

"owhbaby,Iam sosor
ryIdi
dn'tnoti
ce,Ishoul
d
haveknown,If
ail
edyou"If
eltsobroken.

Doct
or:
doestheschool
knowaboutt
his,
did
your
eportt
hematter
.

Sheshookherheadno, "shesaysi
fIrepor
ther
thepri
ncipalwi
llnotdoanythi
ngbecausei
ts
heraunt"sheanswers.

Thedoct
orexami
nedher
,anot
hernur
secame
i
nandIwasaskedt
oleav
esot
hatt
heycan
cl
osehercut
.

Iwait
edint
hehall
way,scaredandhopi
ngt
hat
thedoct
orwon'
tcal
lsocial
servi
ces

"yoursi
steri
sfi
ne,am af
rai
dIsti
llhavet
ocal
l
soci
alser
v i
cest
orevi
ewt hi
smatter"t
hedoct
or
sai
dassoonashewal kedoutfr
om cebo's
ward.

"butsi
rIcanfi
xthi
s,Iwil
ltel
lmyuncleandwe
wil
ltal
kwit
htheschoolboard"Isai
d.

"am doingthisforyourSist
er,bul
li
ngcanaff
ect
herphysical
l
yandment all
y,sheneedshel
p
befor
ethisaffectherinthefutur
e."
Me:
Iunder
stand.

Dr
:youarebrave,
yoursi
steri
sluckyt
ohav
ea
bi
gsist
erl
ikeyou.

Il
etoutaf
akesmi
l
e..
..
"CanIgoandseeher
"I
asked.

"yesgoahead"hewalkedawayandIst
ood
ther
eforaminutet
hinki
ngofaplan.
Icantl
etsoci
alser
vicest
akemysi
steraway
fr
om me.

#ADMI
N
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYTWELVE
Isprungoutoft hehospital corr
idors,r
anal lt
he
wayt othemai ngate,Isprinteduphi ll
,tr
yingto
outr
unmyl ife.Maybei fIrunf astenoughI
mightleav emyshadowandsor rowsbehind.
May beIcanbr eakfreefrom t hi
sbondageof
poverty
, may beIcanacqui reagoodl ifeforme
andmysi stersothatthesoci alservi
ceswon't
separatedus.

Iwasf i
nall
yatt hetopoft hehil
l
, i
twasn'tthat
tal
l,
Icamei ntoahal t,ThenIwaitedasecond
ti
ll
Igotmybr eathe.Ihavenowi nd,Iforgotto
ment i
onthatitsbeenf ewday snowsi nceIkept
havingint
ensepai nonmychest .Ifi
gureditwas
j
usthear t
burnorsomet hi
ngsoIj ustwaitedit
outhopingthati twil
lgoawayoni t
son.

Any
wayassoonasIgotmybr
eat
hbackIr
an
downt hehill
'sst eepsl ope.I twasi cyashel l
anddamnIf elldownhi tt
inghar donmyl eft
forearm.Iscr eamedi nf rustration.Ir eallydon't
evenknowwhatIwasr unni ngf or .IguessIj ust
want edt orunawayf r
om t hiswor ld.IFel tli
ke
thislif
ewasnotmeantf orme, Ihadhopedt hat
may beGodhadabet terl if
ef ormesomewher e
outt hereintheuni verse.Ist oodupdust ed
my selfandex ami nedmyscr atchedf orear m,
l
ucki l
yitwasn' tthatbadl yhur t.Iwal ked
towar dsthenar r
owr i
v er,knel tdr ankwat erthen
washedmyf or earm.Af terIgotacr osst her iver.
Ifeltli
keIwassor tofdi sappear ing.I twast hat
kindofacr azyaf ternoon, terrifi
cal lycol d,and
nosunoutorany thing.Andy ouf el tli
key ou
wer edisappear ingev er yt i
mey oucr osseda
roadori nmycaser i
ver .

Boy,
Iwasreal
l
yfrozen,myear
swerehurt
ing
andIcoul
dhar
dlymov emyfi
nger
satall
,Idi
dn'
t
evenfeelhungry,
wel lIshoul
dbef amishedby
nowsincethelastt i
meIat esomethi
ngwast he
previ
ousdayaf t
ernoon.IguessIwasusedt o
thi
sli
fenow, myst omachhadl ear
nttoadjust
tothi
sreali
ty.

MywarnedoutJerseydidnoj ust
icet
ot hi
scol
d.
Iwasal
readyt
rembling.IguessIshouldgo
backt
othehospit
al.

Tobecont
inued.
.
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYTHI
RTEEN

"well
,uhm,becauseoft
hebrui
sesinyourbody
,
thedoctori
sfor
cedtocall
soci
alser
vices.
AndwhenSocial
serv
icesf
indsoutaboutour
l
ivi
ngcondi
ti
onsandoursi
tuat
iontheywill
be
for
cedtopl
aceusinanorphanage"Isaid.

"Yhey!"Shefinall
ysaidaf t
erbeingquietfora
while"soy oumeanwewon' tl
i
v eonthestreet
s
anymor e,wewi llsl
eepinanact ualhouseona
realbedwi t
hbl ankets"shecontinued.Purejoy
wascl earl
yvisibl
eonherf ace.

Inoddedwit
haf akesmi l
e,shedi
dn't
underst
andthesever
ityofthissi
tuat
ion,
butI
don'
tblameher.Sheisjustachil
d.

Her
:butwhyar
eyounothappy
.

Me:
am happy
,sohappy
.
If
akedasmi
l
e.

Her:Ican'
twait
,thi
swi l
lbegreat
,wegonnabe
f
ine.Iwill
tel
lmyf r
iendthatIhav
eahomenow.

Ilookedatherandal
lIf
eltweretear
s
threat
eni
ngmyey es,
Iquickl
ywipedthem away
.

Ijustl
etherenjoyt
hemoment ,
Icoul
dn'
ttel
lher
thatwemi ghtbesepar
ated.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Thefol
lowi
ngdaywhenIwasv isi
ti
ngcebo,
si
ncetheyhav
edecidedtokeepherover
night
,
DrGuptacamein,
foll
owedbyay ounggood
l
ooki
ngwoman.
Shewasonherear
lythi
rt
ies,
judgingbyher
l
ooks.Shewasweari
ngakneel engthbl
ack
dress,
andabl
acknudeheel.
Herper
fumef
il
ledt
hewhol
eroom.

Shehadti
edherhairint
oaneatbun.Sher eal
ly
wasbeaut
iful
.Icouldvi
sual
i
zemy sel
flooking
l
iket
hatsomeday .

"missKhuzwayo,i
tsagoodt
hingy
ouar
e
al
readyher
e"theDrsai
d.

Weexchangedgr
eet
ingsbef
orehei
ntr
oduced
t
hel
adyt
ous.

"wellt
hisi
sMrsPhi
ndil
eNkosi
,sheisasoci
al
workerandi
sher
etotal
ktoyouguys"DrGupt
a
sai
d.

Shegr
eet
eduswi
thav
erypol
i
tesmi
l
e.
Aft
ermakingsur
ethatwewer
ecomf
ort
abl
e,Dr
Guptal
eftus.

"y
ougi
rl
slooksobeaut
if
ul"Mr
snkosi
sai
d.

Wejustsmil
edather.DeepdownIknewshe
wasjustpul
li
ngourl
egs.Beaut
ywast hel
ast
t
hinginourbodyatt
hatmoment .

wewer
eoncebeaut
if
ul,
nowy
oucoul
dhar
dly
seei
t.

Tobecont
inue
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYFOURTEEN

Thewar
df el
tcol
d.Iwi
pedt
hemucust
hatf
il
led
mynost
ri
ls.

If
inal
l
yshookmyheadno,
,"Ipr
otect
edher
,I
madesur
eheneverl
aidhi
shandonher"

Her
:owhGod,
youar
esuchabr
avegi
rl
.
Wewi
l
linv
est
igat
ethi
s.
Thatbast
ardwi
l
lrotbehi
ndbar
swher
e
monst
ersl
i
kehi
m bel
ong.
Am sosor
ryy
ougi
rl
shadt
ogot
hroughal
lthi
s.
Youar
esaf
enow

Inodded.

Ir
eall
yhopedshewasoursav
ior
.Shewasso
si
ncereandki
nd.

Shestayedforawhi
leaski
ngusmore
quest
ionsandjot
ti
ngdownevery
thi
ngwesai
d.
Whenshel
eftsheaskedmet
ogowi
thher
.
Whenwegotatthegatesheboughtsome
f
rui
ts,
breadanddr
inkatthei
ndianshopnear
t
hegate.

Sher
eal
l
ywasGodsent
,It
houghtt
omy
sel
f.
Butbehol
d,,
,
,,al
lthatgl
i
tter
sisnotgol
d.

SeeIhadal
readyimaginedusl
iv
ingt
his
gl
amorousli
fe.Ii
maginedushavi
ngever
ythi
ng
weeverwanted.
Wewer
efi
nal
l
yfr
eef
rom al
lthi
ssuf
fer
ing.
IguessIcount
edmyeggsbef
oret
heyev
en
hatched.

Thi
swasabegi nni
ngofy etanotherst
ruggle.
ButIcan'
tar
guealot,besides"everydark
cl
oudhasasilv
erli
ning.
"
*
*
*
*
*
*
ThenextdayCebowasdi
schar
ged.Mr
sNkosi
wasalr
eadyther
e.
Shesi
gnedt
hedi
schar
gedpaper
s.

"lookaty
ou,
youl
ooksomuchbet
ter
."Shesai
d
tocebo.
"ihopeyoubr
oughty
ourst
uffl
i
keIasked"she
di
rectedt
hatt
ome

Me:
yesIdi
d

Her:goodthen,
takeev
ery
thi
ngt
omycar
,whi
l
st
Isi
gnt hepaper
s.

Itookourstuf
ftohercar
,itwasagr
eyHyundai
.
Itl
ookedbrandnew.Ican'
twaitf
ort
heday
wher
eIwi
l
ldr
ivemyowncar
.
Iwil
ldr
essjustl
i
keMr
sNkosi
.Soel
egantand
sophi
sti
cat
ed
Shewaswel lbui
l
t,shehadadiamondr
ingon
herl
eftf
ingersoit
scleart
hatshewasmarri
ed
Iwonder
edi
fshehadanyki
ds.

Ifshedoestheyaresoperf
ectthen.Wit
ha
carry
ingmotherl
ikeher
,surel
ytheyhave
everyt
hingt
heywantatthetipofthei
rfi
nger
s.

Am sur
et heygoouttothemoviesandeat
di
nneraroundthetabl
e.Thei
rli
vesmustbe
per
fect
.
[
4/18,
12:
34]Thul
l
y:
Ti
tl
e:BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L
ENTRYFI
FTEEN

Ceboseemeddelight
edbythenews.Shecoul
d
har
dlycont
ainherhappi
ness

"wow!Thi
si sgonnabegreat
,soar
eyouli
ke
gonnabeournewmom (shenodded)Ican'
t
waitt
oseey ourhouse.Ar
ewegonnahav
e
bedsandfood"shesaid.

Her:of'
cozdarl
i
ng,youar
egonnahave
Everyt
hingyouwant,y
ougonnamakenew
fr
iendsandgot oagoodschool

Cebo:
thanky
ou,
thi
sisgonnabegr
eat

Mr
sNkosi
lookedatmet
hrought
her
evi
ew
mi
rr
or.
"Ipr
omi
seam j
usther
etohel
p"shesai
d

"f
ine"Isai
dwi
thoutl
ooki
ngather
.

"socanIgonow"shesai
d

Ij
ustnodded,
shest
art
edt
hecaranddr
ove.
Icoul
dn'
tseemuchbutIcoul
dsmel
lthear
oma
ofst
eaksandspi
ces.
Theburnt-
outendsofsmokyday s.Choki
ng
smokearisingf
rom brokenbl
indsandchi
mney
pot
s,onlythestr
eetlampsli
ttheway.

Shef
inal
l
yst
oppedi
nfr
ontofagi
gant
ichouse.
Shegotoutandopenedt
hegate,shedr
ovei
n
andparkedonadri
veway.Anot
hercarwas
par
kedi
nfr
ontofus.

"wear
eher
e"shesai
d,west
eppedoutoft
he
car
.

"wow!Isthi
sy ourhouse"cebosai
dast
his
hugehousestoodbeforeus.
I
twassobeaut
if
ulwi
thl
i
ght
sinev
erycor
ner
.

"yes,t
hisi
syournewhome"shesai
dwi
tha
smile.

"youl
iveal
oneint
hishugehouse"cebowas
cl
earl
yhappyt
obehere.

Her:
no,il
iv
ewit
hmyhusbandandmydaughter
,
yougonnal
oveher
,shei
sayearol
dert
hanyou
I
minat
hi,
sur
elyy
out
wowi
l
lgetal
ongj
ustf
ine.

Me:
that
'sgr
eat

Ifakedasmi
led,Ir
eal
l
ydi
dn'
tknowhowIf
elt
aboutbei
nghere.

"wel
ll
et'
sgoi
nthen"shesai
d.

Wetookourbagsandwal
kedt
owar
dst
hegl
ass
door
.

Shetookoutsomekey
sinherhandbagand
unl
ockedthedoor
.

"honeyam home"shecal
l
edoutaswemade
ourwayin
"heybabesam i
ntheki
tchen"amal
evoi
ce
responded

Istoodthereshocked,Ihadneverseensuch
beauty,
thishousewasbeaut i
ful
,ithadaglass
ceramicfl
oor,fi
nearthangedont heclearwhi
te
wall.

"
Leav
eyoubagst
her
e,Iwi
l
ltaket
hem t
oyour
r
oom"shesai
d

Wef ol
lowedhert
ot hekit
chen.Andt
herea
goodlooki
ng,t
allandbroadmanwasi naapr
on
prepar
ingdi
nner.

"heyfi
nall
yyouarehome"themansaid,"I
missedyou"hecont
inuedastheyshar
edakiss.
"Imi
ssy
out
oo"sher
esponded.

"well
thesearethegir
lsItoldy ouabout
,thi
sis
Imi
nathiandheryoungersisterNomcebo"she
sai
dast heybr
okethekiss.

"ncooh,honeytheyl
ooksoy oungandinnocent
,
higuys,
myNamei sJaden,am doct
orJaden
nkosi
"hesai dwithasmil
e.Heseemedni ce.

"hi
,i
tsapleasur
etomeety ou"wer
esponded,
heshookbothourhands.

Hi
m:welcometoourhome,Ihopeyouguy
swi
l
l
l
ovei
there,
sohowwasy ourtr
ip.
Me:
itwasf
ine.
Hi
m: Ibetyoumustbeti
redandhungr
y,good
t
hingIprepar
edenoughfood.
Wor
rynot
,Iwi
l
ldi
shupsoon.
Hemadeaf
unnyf
ace.
Cebo:
youar
efunny
.

Hi
m; good,Iwil
ll
ovenot
hingt
hant
omakey
ou
l
aughprincess

Ceboj
ustsmi
l
ed.

"wher
e'sNqobi
l
e"shesai
d.

"am sur
esheissomewher
eint
hehousebusy
wit
hherphone.
Youknowhowmuchshewor
shi
paphone"her
husbandr
esponded.
"gadgets,shenev
ersoci
ali
zesbecauseofthat
phone.Wel ll
etmeshowthekidsar
ound"she
ki
ssedherhusbandonemor etimebefor
ewe
l
eftthekit
chen.
Wet ookat ouroft hewhol ehouse.Ev ery
thi
ng
wasj ustbeautif
ul Andel eganti
nthehouse, the
furniturewast odi efor,i
twasadoubl est or
ey
housewi thsomanyr ooms.Shef i
nall
yshowed
memyr oom andcebohadher sbutshe
i
nsi stedonsl eepingwi thme.Shedi dn'twanna
sleepal one.

"heyNqobiopent
hisdoor
"sheknockedont
he
l
astroom.Wewaitedafewminut
ebef or
e
someoneopenedthedoor
.

"owhhimom, y
ouar eback"shesai
d,she
l
ookedsobeauti
ful
,shewaswear i
ngashort
ni
ght
ywi
thi
tsmat
chi
ngv
est
.
Shehadcurvesandabeewaist
,shewasl i
ght
ski
nnedandhadonal ongweave.Hernai
ls
werelongandbeaut
if
ul.Damnshelookedgood

"heykiddo,
thesearethegir
lsIt
oldy
ouabout
,I
wasjustshowingthem ar
ound"

"owh,coul
dn'
tyouhavedonethati
nthe
morni
ng,anywayshi
guys,canIgobacki
nbed
now"shesaid

"nopcomedown,
yourdadi
sdonecooki
ng"

Her
:can'
tIj
ustt
akear
aincheck,
am nothungr
y.

"y
oungl
adyy
ouwi
l
lcomedownandwewi
l
leat
di
nnert
oget
herasaf
ami
l
y,ar
ewecl
ear
"

Her
:fi
ne,
Iwi
l
lbedowni
naMi
nut
e.

Withthatsai
dsheact
ual
l
ysl
ammedt
hedoori
n
ourfaces.

"don'
tmi
ndher
,she'
sjustspoi
l
ed"hermot
her
sai
d.

"shei
sbeaut
if
ul"cebosai
d.

Ij
ustkeptqui
etaswemadeourwayt
othe
ki
tchen.

MrNkosihadal
readysett
het
abl
e,wet
ookour
seat
s,hedi
shedforus.
Wesaidgr
acethenate,
fewmi
nut
esi
ntodi
nner
Nqobi
l
edecidedtoj
oinus.

Thetabl
ewasqui
et,
thef
oodwasdel
i
cious,
Mr
nkosiwasr
eal
l
yagoodcook.
Aft
ereati
ngMr sNkosicl
earedthet
abl
ewhile
Nqobil
ekissedhi
sdad'sthenhermom'scheek
"goodni
ghtguys"shesai
d.

"goodnightdar
li
ng"t
heybot
hsai
d.Sheexi
ted
theki
tchen.

"Soyougirl
smustbeti
red,
youmustgotakea
showerfi
rstbef
oregoi
ngtobed"shesai
dtous.
Shetookustotheshower,itwasbeaut
if
ul,
wit
h
bl
ackceramicti
lesonthefl
oorandwhiteones
onthewall
.Itsmell
eddivi
ne.
Shel
eftus,
wet
ookof
fourcl
othesandent
ered
t
heshower
.

Thiswasournewl i
fe,
Ihopeditwoul
dbebett
er
thanourpr
ev i
ousli
fe.
Weexit
edtheshower
afterweweredone,wewenttoourroom,a
l
ot i
onandtwonightdr
esseswereal
ready
placedonthebed.

Iappl
iedlot
ionthenworethenighty,i
twassi
lky
andpinki
shincolor,
itsmell
ed.Nice.I
tfi
tt
ed
perf
ectl
y,whil
ecebo'swasabi tl
ong.
Ri
ghtt
henMr
sNkosi
wal
kedi
n.

"youlookbeaut
if
ul,
iwasn'
tsur
eitwasgonna
fi
t,i
tusedtobenqobil
e'
s.
Tomor rowaft
erbreakfastIwil
ltakeyou
shopping,y
ouneedcl othesandt oi
l
etr
ies"she
sai
dfixingcebo'
snighty.
"
Siy
abongamah"webot
hsai
d.

Shesmi
l
edandki
ssedbot
hourf
oreheads.
Shet
uckedusi
nbed.

"Ipr
omiseyou,
noonewi l
lev
erhur
tyouagai
n,
youaresaf
ehere"shesai
d.

Shecar
ed,Icoul
dseei
tinherf
acet
hatshe
meantever
ywordshesai
d.

"Il
oveyou,t
hanky
ouf
orbei
ngourmot
her
"
cebosaid

Shesmil
edandki ssedherf
oreheadagai
n."
ni
ghtpr
incess"shespokesoftl
y.
"shoul
di swi
tchof
ftheli
ghtorl
eav
eiton"she
askedstandi
ngbythedoor.

"l
eav
eiton"Isai
d.

"Ohkthen,
Nightgi
rl
s"sheexi
tedcl
osi
ngt
he
door.

Iwasleftst
ari
ngattheti
ledcei
li
ng.Thi
sjust
fel
ttogoodtobetrue,i
tsli
keIwasdreaming.

Icouldn'
tbeli
evei
t,wasthisreall
yme,sl
eepi
ng
onaqueensi zedbedwithcomf ort
abl
ebl
ankets,
andaf ull
stomach.IwascleanandIsmell
ed
fr
esh.Itsli
kemylif
ejustchangedinasnapof
anfinger.
Mrsnkosi
seemedsincerethough,sher
eal
l
y
seemedgenui
neandlikeshereal
lyknewwhat
weweregoingt
hrough.
May beIjudgedherhar
shl
y,may
beshe
deservesachance.
Besi
desmydoubt
,sheact
ual
l
ymi
ghtbegood.
Istartedfeel
i
ngsill
yforjudgi
ngher
,somet
imes
ihatedmyout caststat
e, myj
udgement
almind
andf earofchange.
Ilookuponmy sel
fandIdespiseandcursemy
mi nd,whi
chf el
tli
keitwasdif
ficul
ttoadj
ust.
May bemyl ackoffai
thisthereasonam li
ke
this.
iwi
ll
notjudgeitsoear
lyt
hough,
itsonl
ybeen
t
hefi
rstni
ght,
somuchcanst i
l
lhappeninday
s
t
ocome.
Ikeptwonder
ingunt
ilIdr
if
tedoft
olal
aland.

*
*
*
Iwokeupt henextmor ni
ngfeel
ingfreshand
rej
uvenated,i
twasnotadr eam,Iwasst i
ll
here,
i
nahugebedwi t
hcomf or
tabl
eblanketsand
goodsmel li
ngbedcovers.Iwenttothewindow,
mov edthecurtai
nthenopenedthewi ndow,,
the
windsofwi nt
erseasonhowled.It
scoldhere
butnotascol dasKZN.
Ifelttheinlandmur murwhi speringapromisi
ng
future.Thev iewwasbeaut iful,wit
hthe
greenestgr asst ot
hev er
ydoorwhi chwas
nicelytri
mmed.Ihear dmel odies,sweet
mel odiesfrom theskies,somear eunhear
dy et
stil
lsweet er,areminderofwhatIhav ebeen
through.Nowst andingheref eelsli
ke
somet
hingmor
eofabr
ingerofnewt
hings.

Icl
osedt
hewi
ndowandexi
tedt
her
oom

"owhyouar
eupal
ready"t
hatwasMr
snkosi
,
shewasmoppi
ngt
hef l
oor
.

"wel
lol
dhabi
tsIguess"Isai
d.

Her
:isee,
mor
ning,
howwasy
ourni
ght

Me:
qui
etandper
fect
.

Her
:that
'sni
ce,
isy
oursi
sterst
il
lasl
eep.
Me:
yesunl
i
keme,
she'
snotamor
ningper
son.
Her:
shewillf
iti
nper f
ectl
yInt
hishouse,
Nqobil
eandherfatherarewor
se,theydon'
tget
upunlessi
waket hem up.

Ismi
l
ed,

Her
:youcangoaheadandwatchTVint
he
l
ounge,
iwil
lpr
eparebr
eakf
astsoon.

Me:
uhm,
can'
tIj
usthel
pyouwi
tht
hecl
eani
ng.

Her:
that
'ssweetofyoubutam al
mostthr
ough.
Besi
desit
syourfi
rstdayher
esorelax
.

Me:
ohkyt
hen.

Her
:wel
luhm Imadecal
l
sthi
smor
ning,
ifound
aspacef
ory
ouandy
oursi
ster
.
Youbothwillbeattendi
ngNqobil
e'
sschool.I
ts
apri
vateschool,f
rom gradeonet
otwelve,
I
hopeyouwillli
keit
.

Me:wow,
youf
oundaschool
alr
eady
,thatwas
qui
ck.
Her:Iknowthepri
ncipal,
heisfr
iendswi
thmy
husband.besi
desitsalmostt
heendofApri
l,
youneedtobei nschool.

"thankyou"i
gaveherat i
ghthug,
shewas
shockedatfi
rst
,thenhuggedmeback.

"Ij
ustwannahel
p"shef
inal
l
ysai
d.

Webr
oket
hehugandIwi
pedmyt
ear
s,Idon'
t
knowwhyIf
eltsoemot
ional

"ev
ery
thi
ngi
sfi
nenow"shesai
d.

Me:
mayGodbl
essy
ou.

IthenmademyWayt othel ounge.Ahuge

plasmarestedonthewall,Itur
nediton,took
theDecoderremotecontrolonthestandand
surfedt
hroughthechannels.Thisremindedme
ofmyl i
febefor
eeveryt
hingf el
lapart
.
*
*
*
*
*
*
Wehadbreakf
astar
oundni
ne,
ever
yonewasup
byt
hen.
Af
terbr
eakf
astwewentt
otakeabat
hthenwe
al
lwenttot
hemall
.

Ihadareallygreatt
ime,
nolie,t
heyboughtus
somanycl othesandourschooluni
for
m, bags
andst
ationary.

Aft
erthatwewentt
oaf
ami
l
yrest
aur
antand
hadlunch.

Aft
erlunch,cebodidherhai
r,shebrai
ded
str
aightbackcornrowswhil
ei j
ustcut
,st
yled
andcurledmyhai r
.

Forthever
yfir
stt
imei
nyear
sIf
eltl
i
kea
descentgi
rl
.
Ihadhopedt
hiswoul
dlast

#admi
n

[
4/30,
16:
37]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYEI
GHTEEN

Aft
ereat
ingIdeci
dedtotakeaqui
ckshower,
i
wascomingoutoftheshowerwhenIbumped
toNqobi
le.
"arey
outhatdumpt haty
oucan'
tseewher
e
youar
egoing"shesnappedatme.
"am sor
ry"Iknewitwasherfaultt
hough,she
wastheonewal ki
ngaroundwithhereyesglued
onhermobi
l
ephone.

"younyorr
y,youmakemesi ckyouknow,you
keepacti
ngli
kethishol
l
ymar r
y,youmightfool
mymot herbutyouwon'
tfoolme,Iknowwhat
youareandIknowwhaty ouareupto"she
whisper
ed.

Me:
excuseme,
whatar
eyout
alki
ngabout
Her
:am talki
ngaboutyourf
ixat
ionwit
holder
men,icanseehowy oudroolovermydad,the
l
usti
ny oureyesi
sclearl
yvi
sibl
e.
Clearl
yyouhavebeenseducinghi
mt hat
'
swhy
helooksatyouthewayhedoes, t
hat'
swhyhe
alwaysprai
sesyoumom mi ghtbetoobl
indt
o
real
izeshebroughtasnakeint
othi
shousebut
am not.Youcanfoolever
yonenotme.
Butt
rustmewhenIsaysoonev
ery
onewi
l
l
r
eal
i
zewhataconni
vi
ngsl
utYour
eal
l
yar
e.

Me: whatthehel lar

eyout alki
ngabout ,what
makesy outhinkam af t
ery ourdad.Ihav e
nothi
ngbutabsol uterespectfory ourparents.I
cannev erdoany thi
ngtohur tyourmot her,she
hasbeennot hingbutgoodt ome.Idon' tknow
whyy oudon' ttrustmeorwhyy oursohellbent
onhat i
ngme.Iwanty outoknowIposeno
thr
eattoy ourf ami l
y.

Her:
asifyoumeant hat
,youcangoaroundand
pl
ayyouri
nnocentcardbutjustknowt
hati
t
won'
tworkonme.

Me: i
fyouhadgi v enyoursel
ftimetoknowme
thenyouwoul dn'thavear easontohateme.I
knowy oufeelinsecureandi nti
midat
edbyour
presenceherebuty oushouldknowthatweare
nother
etot
akey
ourpl
aceory
ourpar
ent
s'
money.
Asforthefactthatyouwouldthinkofmeasa
tr
ashwhot hrowsher sel
fonoldermenbr eaks
me.Ihavenoi nter
estindati
ngy ourf
atheror
anyothermenf orthatmatt
er.

Her :
owhr eally,
thenwhyar eyouthr
owing
yourselfatmyman, andIreadyourdi
ary,
you
claimy ourstepdadmol est
edYoubutIdoubt
that'
st hecase,Ithi
nky ouknowi
nglysl
eptwi
th
him andy ourmot herfoundoutt
hat'
swhyshe
l
ef tyou.

Me:what!,
soyouwentthr
oughmystuf
f,you
i
nvadedmypr i
vacy
,,
,what
'
swrongwit
hy ou.
Whydoy ouhatemesomuch,whathaveIdone
t
oy ou.
Iwasal
readyi
ntear
s,,
,

Her:
owhsparemet hosebogust
ear
s,y
ouar
ea
f
raudandam gonnaprovei
t.

Me:goaheadt
hen,ifr
uini
ngmyl
i
fewillmake
youhappyt
hengoaheadanddoi
t.Justknow
t
hatGodiswatchi
ng.

Ihurri
edi
ntomyroom andsl
ammedt hedoor,
I
threwmysel
fonthebedandjustcr
iedmyeyes
out.Whycan'
tIj
usthaveanormalandhappy
l
ife.
Howmanyt imeswouldIhavetoencounter
obstacl
esi
neverypat
hItake,i
sGoddoi ngthi
s
tome?Am Ibeingpuni
shedforsomething?Do
Inotdeser
veanormalandhappyli
fe?WasI
cursed?
Thosewer ethethoughtst
hati
nvadedmymi
nd.
IthoughtIhadfinal
lyf
oundpeaceand
happinessbutitseemedIwaswrong.
Nqobiwasli
keathor
ni nmyli
fe,
shewasa
thi
ckCli
ngedonmyfleshandsucki
ngt
hel
ife
outofme.
Ifel
tshal
lowandbel
i
ttl
ed.Howcansomeone
j
ustchoosetohat
eapersonwit
houtev
en
knowingher.

Itossedandtur
nedont hatbedthinkingthat
thismightbeoversoon.Wemi ghtloosethis
place,whatwi
ll
happent omyl i
tt
lesister
,what
willhappent
ooureducation.
"Godpleasehearmenow,Ican'
tbearthi
s
burden,i
tstooheav
yforme"Isi
lent
lypray
ed.
Try
ingt
odi
smi
ssthemurmurthatkepton
sayi
ngmay
beIdeser
vedt
his.
*
*
*
*
*
Asoftknocksoundedonmydoor.Iqui
ckl
y
wipedmyt ear
sandcleanedmyf
acebefor
e
openi
ngthedoor.

Ipretendedl i
keiwasgettingreadyforbed
whenmom camei n.I
tfeltalit
tl
estrange
Calli
nghermom butIhadnochoi ce.She
l
iteral
lyinsist
edthatwecal l
edhermom.She
wasr eallyagoodwomant hough,shewasso
patientwi t
hme.Shet al
kedt omebutnev er
forcedmet osayanythi
ngIwasn' treadyt
osay
.

"hey
,sor
ryt
odi
stur
byou,
Iwasl
ooki
ngf
or
Nqobi
l
e"

Me:
itsohk,IsawherGoi
ngt
othebat
hroom
f
ewmi nut
esago.

Her
:she'
snott
her
e,andshe'
snoti
nherr
oom
Ithoughtshewasher
e,Iactual
lywant
edhert
o
behere,howhappywouldthathavemademeif
shewer ehere.
Ireall
ywishy
out wower
ecl
ose,Imeanyouar
e
ont hesamestageandy
oucoul
dbebestof
fr
iends.

Me:Iwantt
hatt
oobutIdon'
tthi
nki
twi
l
l
happen.
Nqobi
hat
esme.
Her
:owhnodear
,hat
eisast
rongwor
d.Nqobi
i
sj ustspoiltandshel ackssomemanner s.She
i
sj ustwild,rudeandhotheaded.Somet i
mesI
wonderwher eIwentwr ongwi t
hher,God
knowsIt r
iedmybestt obeagoodmot her.I
hav egivenherev erythingshewant s,Ihav e
takenhert ooneoft hebestschool s,Ibuyher
any thi
ngshewant s.Iadv isedanddiscipl
ined
herl i
keanypar entwoul d,itr
iedbef
ri
endi ngher
,
andbei ngt heref
orher .Ihav egoneabov eand
bey ondforher

Me:i
tseemsl
i
kemay
besheneedssomet
ough
l
ove

Her:wetr
iedthatbutitdroveherfurt
heraway
fr
om us.Herdadev enflockedherattimesbut
sheGothim arr
estedforchi l
dabuse,whenthat
didn'
twor
ksheov erdosedonsomepi ll
str
ying
tocommitsuici
de.Sincet henwehavebeen
walki
ngoneggshel l
swit
hher.Weareafraid
thati
fwegettoohar donhershemightactual
ly
kil
lher
sel
f.Ir
eallydon'
tknowwherewewent
wrongwit
hher .Sheismyonlydaughter
,my
pri
deandjoy,butitf
eel
slikeI
'
velostherlong
ti
meago
Shewassosweetandi nnocentbutever
ythi
ng
changedbytheti
meshet urned15,shebecame
thi
srebell
i
ousandhardheadedgirl
,she
changed.Myli
tt
legi
rlwasgone.

Shewi pedawayhert ears,If

eltbadforher.I
t
washar dseei ngamothersheddingtears
becauseofherchi l
d.Whi l
ewear eoutherewith
nopar entsandwewi ll
doany thi
ngtohav e
them backt herear
epeopl el
ikeNqobil
ewho
taketheirparentsf
orgranted.Thisi
stheirony
ofli
feIguess.Andsogoest hesay i
ng"you
neverknowwhaty ouhav eunti
lit
sgone"I
guessbyt het imeNqobireal
isesshehasbeen
hur
ti
ngherpar
ent
sitwoul
dbet
ooLat
ebyt
hen.

"maybeyoushouldsi
therdownandaskher
what'
sthepr
oblem,maybesomethi
ngiswrong
wit
hher.Maybeherbehavi
ori
sacryforhel
p"I
sai
d.

Her:doy ouhav eanyideahowmanyt imesI

havesatherdownandt riedt alkingt oher .She
keptsayingtherewasnot hi ngwr ongwi thher,
shejustwant edustol etherl iveherl ife.Ieven
tookhert oatherapistandi tdi dn'thelp, t
he
ther
apistsaidtherewasnot hi ngwr ongwi thher,
shewasj ustbeingcont rolledbyt he
adolescentsstage.Ihaveexhaust edev eryt
hing
Ihaveonher .NowIhav el ef tev erythingin
God'shands.Any wayenoughabouther .What '
s
wrongwi thyou,youdon' tlookf i
ne
Me: i
tsnot
hingr
eal
l
y,Ij
usthadal
ongdayat
school.

Her:
Marahowi
sev
ery
thi
nggoi
ng,
arey
ou
copi
ng.
Me:yeaham copi
ngj
ustf
ine,
am sur
eIwi
l
l
pass

Her:
that
sgreat
,anywayletmegot
obed,
are
yougoi
ngtotheli
brar
ytomorr
ow.

Me:
yes

Her:
getsomerestt
hen,Iwi
l
lkeepcal
l
ing
Nqobiandseei
fsheanswer
s.

Me:
nightmah.
*
*
*
*
Iwokeupear
lyt
henextmorning,
cleanedt
he
houset
henmadebreakf
astformyself
.
Itwasar ound9am andIwasgonnagot
othe
l
ibraryaround12pm.Mom camei nwhi
l
eIwas
sti
llwatchingTV.

"your
eal
l
yar
eamor
ningper
sonai
n'
tyou"she
sai
d.

Me:
Iguessso.

Her
:thanxf
orcl
eani
ng,
ung'
si
ti
le.
Me:it
snost
ress,
didy
oumanaget
ogetahol
d
ofnqobi
.

Her: yeah,
shecal
ledatmidnightsay
ingshe
wasgonnaspendt heweekendatherfri
end'
s
place.Iknewshewasl y
ingIhopesomedayshe
willseethatt
hisl
i
f ewi
llbr
inghernothi
ngbut
turmoi l
.

Myringingphonedistur
bedourconversat
ion.I
t
wasSet hcal
li
ng,Idroppedt
hecallbuthekept
oncall
ingunti
lIanswered.
Mom l
eftassoonasIanswer
edt
hecal
l
.

"doIneedtochangemynumber,It
houghtI
tol
dyoutostopcal
li
ngme"Iansweredcol
dly

"pl
easej
usthearmeout
,am sor
ryt
obot
her
you,
Ijustcan'
tst
ayaway
.Ican'
tgetyououtof
mymi nd"hesai
d,mucht
omyi r
ri
tat
ion.

Me:Set
hli
stenandli
stentomecar
eful
l
y.Idon'
t
l
oveyouandIneverwil
l.
Stoptor
ment
ingmeIam pol
it
elyaskingy
ou.I
f
youkeepdoi
ngthi
sIsweart
oy ou,youwon'
t
l
ikemybadside.

Idr
oppedthecallbefor
ehecouldsayany thi
ng
el
se.Hekeptcall
ingbutIneveranswered.Why
wasitsohardforhimtogetthemessage, I
di
dn'tl
ovehi
m, Icoul
dn'tl
ovehim becauseI
wasbroken.

Iwenttotakeal
onghotbath,bytheti
meIgot
out
,thewaterwasi
cecold.Iworemyt orn
boyf
riendj
eanandawhit
ev estwithablack
l
eat
heral
lst
ar.
Iknowmyst ylewheni tcamet oclotheswas
whackbutIdidn'tcare.Ihatedshotski rtsor
shortj
eans,IhatedleggingsbecauseIf eltl
i
ke
theyexposesmybody .Iwassocaut iousabout
everyt
hingIwore.Imadesur eInev erwor e
anythi
ngtoosexyort oor eveali
ng.Whocan
blameme.Iwast r
yingtopr otectmy selfina
way.Ididn'
twannabeav i
ctim again.
MaybeifIl
ookedabi
tboy
ishnomenwi
l
lpay
anyat
tenti
ontome.
Maybenomenwi ll
beat t
ract
edtome.Evenat
School
,IworemytrousermorethatIwor
emy
ski
rt
,Ineverwor
eanymake- up.Theai
m was
j
usttolookassi
mpleaspossi bl
e.

Idi
dn'
twannafiti
n,i
nfactIl
ovedbeingisolat
ed.
Il
ovedbei
ngdullandunpopular
.Thatmademe
bet
ter
,atl
eastIknewIhadlesspreyingeyes.
Yetinallmyeff
ort
sSet
hrefusedt
ogett
he
pi
cture.Hefai
l
edtounder
standwher
eIwas
comingfrom.
Butthenagai
nIdoubthelovedme, hej
ust
wantedtoprovet
otheschoolthathecanget
eventhemostdif
fi
cul
tgir
linschooltofal
lfor
hi
m.
Idon'
tbl
amehimthough,hewasatrust
fundki
d,
usedtoget
ti
ngev
eryt
hinghewanted.
Hewasr ichandper f
ect,seeSet
hhadmost
gi
rlsontheirkneesintheschool
.Hewashot
,
handsomeandper f
ect.
Hisbodywasabi tbul
ky,hehadpacksand
ever
ything.Af
teral
lhewasoneoftheschool
'
s
fi
nestrugbyplayer
.Hispost
ureal
onewould
getgi
rlsdrool
ing.
Hehadapointynose,
perfectpi
nkli
ps,bl
ues
eyesandaperf
ectl
ybuil
dchin,hi
sdarkbrown
hairwasj
ustanAddedbonus.Whenhesmi les
hemeltev
erygi
rl
'
shear
t,wel
l
...acceptf
ormi
ne
of
'cos.
HewouldbeperfectforTVormagazi ne,
yeah
hewasthatperf
ect.Yetisti
l
lhatedhim.Ihated
every
thi
ngthatr
epresentedhim oranyguyfor
thatmatt
er.
Hemaybeperf
ectbuthewasn'
tper
fectenough
t
obeinmyli
fe.
*
*
*
*
Itookf
ewofmyst
udygui
desandsomenot
e
books.
Ipl
acedeveryt
hinginmymedium si
zed
handbag,
lucki
lyevery
thi
ngf
it
tedi
nf i
ne.
Justt
henamessagecamein,i
twasSar
ah,
she
wasalr
eadyout
sidewai
ti
ngforme.
"mom Igot t
ago, Sar
ahi
shere"Igr
abbedan
appleinthefr
idge,mom wasbusypeel
i
ng
veggies.

"
There'
saR50noteontopoft
het
abl
eint
he
l
ounge,t
akei
t"shesai
d.

"t
hanxmom,
youar
ethebest
"

Her:andpl
easestudyohk,
forgetaboutboy
s,
ngekebakuyi
sendzawobafana.

Me:
trustme,
Ihav
enospacef
orboy
sinmyl
i
fe.

Wi
ththatsai
d,Ir
ushedouttheki
tchen,
tookt
he
moneyinthel
oungethenexi
tedt
hehouse.
Sar
ahwasdrivi
nghermot
her'
sAudi
,A4.She
hadabr
ightsmil
eassoonasshesawme.

"hey,st
opsmi l
i
ngal
ready
"Isai
dget
ti
ngont
he
passengerseat
.

Her
:hi
,lookatyou,
,
,youl
ookstunni
ng,Ij
ustl
i
ke
howbeauti
ful
youlookwi
thoutevent
ryi
ngso
har
d.

Me:ncoohIknowy
ouar
epul
l
ingmyl
egbut
t
hanxanyway.

Weshar
edabr
iefhug

"Ihavejui
cefory
ou"shesai
dassoonaswe
brokethehug.
"wellam al
lear
s"Ist
aredatherwi
thsomuch
cur
iosit
y.

Shestart
edthecar,
t heengi
neroaredl
ouder
,
sherever
sedandjoinedtheroad.

"soy
ougonnamakemebeg"

Her:hel
lnah,
wel
lyoursi
steri
satmyhouse,I
hear
dherandSethyel
li
ngateachot
herthi
s
morning.
ItseemslikeSet hwantedhertoleavebutshe
didn'
twantt o,goshshebeggedSet htolether
stay,sheevenof fer
edhim sexforthewhole
daybutSet hrefused
Me:
what
..
.damngi
rly
oumustbej
oki
ng.

Her
:am deadseri
ous,seemsli
keshear
ri
vedat
myhousearound2:30am dr
unk

Me: shet
oldhermot
herthatshewasgonna
spendtheweekendAtherfr
iend'
spl
ace.

Her:well
IguessSet
hist
hef
ri
endshe'
stal
ki
ng
about.
AnywayIdon'tknowwhatwi
llhappenbecause
thelastt
hingIsawwasmybrothergoi
ngout
forajog,hesai
dhewantedhergonewhenhe
getsback.

Me:
yhoo,
that
'shar
sh.
Her:
wellam j
ustgl
admyparent
sarenot
ar
ound,other
wiseSet
hwasgonnabeinso
muchshit.

Me:
wher
ear
eyourf
olks.

Her:outoft
own,
thewi
l
lbebacknextweek
Fr
iday.

Me:
yourpar
ent
slov
etr
avel
l
ing.

Her
:thei
rjobi
ssodemandi
ng.

Me:welll
et'
shopey
ourbr
otherandNqobi
wil
l
sor
tthi
ngsout.

Her
:Ihopet
heydon'
t,
Iam t
ir
edofhear
ingt
hem
tear
ingateachot
her
'st
hroat
sli
kemar
ri
ed
couples.

Wegotatay a'spl
aceandpi ckedherupthen
drov
et otheli
brar
y,atl
eastpreshdidn'
tneed
anytranspor
t,shel
ivedclosertot
heLibrary
.

#admi
n
[
4/29,
12:
15]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYSEVENTEEN

Schoolwast hebestthi
nginmyl i
fe,wel l
that'
s
becauseIspentmostofmyt imet here.Wehad
extr
aclasses,weattendedaft
ernooncl asses
andonSat ur
dayswewoul djustmeetatt he
schooll
ibr
ary,di
scussandsol
vemostt
roubl
i
ng
questi
onourselv
es.

Iwassodedi
cat
edonmyst udies,
thi
sschool
wasknownfori
ts100%passratesoIdi
dn't
wantt
obethefi
rsttomessthatup.

Grade11wasv erydiff
icul
tnodoubt,butI
neededtomakeit,Ineededtobeinmat r
icthe
fol
lowi
ngyear,
Ineeded.Mr sNkosiandher
husbandtobeproudofme.

Iendedupbei
ngfr
iendswit
hpr
eci
ous,
Ayanda
andSarahwhowaswhite.
Wewer
eal
li
nthesamecl
ass
Forthefi
rstt
imeitwasni
cehav
ingpeopl
eto
tal
kwith,
andlaughwit
h,
I
twasalr
eadyspr
ingti
me,thematr
icul
ant
s
wer
eyettowri
tet
heirt
ri
alexams.

Sowehadfreeperi
odsmostoftheti
me,butwe
usedt
hatoppor
tuni
tytopr
act
iceprobl
ems.

"It
hinky
oushoul
dgi
vehi
m achance"Ay
anda
sai
d.

I
twasDuri
ngbreakandwehadj
ustcameback
f
rom t
heshop.

Sarah:noway,Nat
hy,don'
tl
ist
entoay
a,Set
his
ajerk,
heplay
sgirl
sli
keapiano.

Pr
esh:exact
lySarah,besi
desheisdat
ingyour
ev
ilsi
ster
/stepsi
sterorwhatev
eryoucall
her.
Aya:that
'stheexactr
easonwhysheshoul
d
datehim,sheneedstoshowthatNqobibi
tch
thatshecantakehermananyti
meshewant s.

Me:nowayAya,
Nqobimightbeabit
chbutI
can'
tdot
hatt
oher,
herfamil
ytookusinwhen
wehadnoone.

Aya:sowhat
,taki
ngyoui
ndoesn'tmeanthat
sheshoul
dbeaheartl
essbi
tchtowardsyou,
besi
deshermothert
ookyouinnother.

Me:
youwi
l
lnev
erunder
stand.

Aya:
what'
sther
etounder
stand,thatgi
rlt
reat
s
youl
ikeast
raat
mate,
andyoul ether,
Ihate
howshetal
ksdownatyou.
Sar
ah:Ir
eall
ydon'tli
kehowshet al
ktoyou,
i
magine,
shet ol
dhermeanf ri
endsandher
cl
assmatesthatyouwerejustagol
ddigger
whoisaf
terherparents'
money .

Me:Igetwhereshei
scomi ngfrom,Imeanshe
i
sanOnl ychil
dsoi
tisunderst
andablef
orher
t
ofeel i
nsecur
eandthr
eatenedabouther
i
nheri
tance.

Pr
esh:evenso,t
her
e'snor
easonf
orhert
obea
bi
tchabouti
t.
Whydon'
tyouj
ustr
epor
thert
ohermot
her
.

Me:well
cebodi
dt el
lmom,andwhenmom
conf
ront
edhert
hingsspi
ral
l
edoutofcont
rol
.
Nqobi
endedupsay
ingshebet
terdi
esbecause
hermot
herl
ovesst
ranger
smor
ethanher
.
SoIdon'
twanthert
oki
l
lher
sel
fbecauseofus.

Aya:sheisjustanattenti
onseeker
,i meanshe
hasalreadykil
ledherself
,hav
eseenhowshe
smokes, am sureherlungsarepai
ntedblack
now.

Sar
ah:she'
sjustfullofdramabutst
il
ldon't
dat
eSethjusttospiteher,Set
hisadog,heis
myolderbrot
herbutIt el
lyouheisareal
douch
whenitcomestol adies.

Me:am notgonnadat
eSeth,notbecauseam
afr
aidofhur
ti
ngNqobibutbecauseIam just
notint
ohim.
Hemightbewell
buil
d,st
rong,handsomeand
ev
erygi
rl
'scr
ush,he'
sdefi
nit
elynotmytype.
Pr
esh:
sowhat
'sy
ourt
ype.

Me:Idon'
thaveanyt
ype,
Ijustwantnot
hingt
o
dowithboys.

Presh:thewayyoukeept urni
ngdownguy sam
star
tingtothi
nkyouarealesbian,
Imean,fir
sti
t
wasSet h,t
henJosh,thenbongane,andt
hat
hottyfr
om theli
brar
y,what'
shisnameagain.

Me:
Thabang.

Pr
esh:yeahthabang,damnt
hatguyi
shot
,hi
s
muscl
esdriv
emecr azy.
Icandefini
tel
yimagi
nemy
sel
fki
ssi
ngt
hose
pinkj
uicyli
ps.
Me:
soundsl
i
key
oushoul
daskhi
m out
.

Presh;
mnxm asify
oudon'
tknowhi
sey
esar
e
onlygl
uedonyou.
YouAtt
ractboy
sLi kef
li
esyety
ouaresti
ll
si
ngl
eandy our
efusetodat
eanyone.What'
sup.

Me:menar
ejerks,andIwoul
dbecaughtdead
t
hantol
etanyofthosefi
lt
hyani
malsi
nmyl if
e.

TheangerIhad,
bur
nedthr
oughmyvein,
ever
yonewasnowlooki
ngatmeinshock.

"nowcanwedr
opthistopi
c,Idon'
twannat
alk
abouti
tany
mor
e"Ilashedout.
"f
ine,
wear
est
oppi
ng"t
heyal
lsai
d.

Ri
ghtthenasi fev
eryt
hingwasnotamess
al
ready,Nqobihadtoshowupwithhert
hree
musketeers.
Theymadet
hei
rwayt
ous.

"I
fshetal
ksnonsenseIwi
l
lbeatt
hehel
loutof
her"ay
asaid.

"ifitisn'
tthesnobs,am her
etowarnyou(
she
pointedatme)st ayawayf r
om myman.Fi
rst
yout ookmypar entsfr
om menowy ouwantmy
man.Icanseehowhar dyouaret
ryi
ngtobeme
butFYIi twon'twork
St
opseduci
ngSet
h,hecannev
erdat
eadi
rt
y
sl
utl
ikeyou.
Set
hisaguywi
thst
atue,
hecannev
erdegr
ade
himsel
ftoal
evel
ofdat
ingadegener
atel
i
ke
you
Imeanhowmanyol dmanhavefuckedyouin
thosest
reets,nomat t
erhowmuchy oubath,
youaresti
ll
t hatdi
rt
ysmelli
ngst
reetwreck"she
wasstil
lpoi
nt i
ngatme

"
Siesmxm"oneofhergi
rl
ssai
d.
"that
'si
tam gonnasl
apher
"ayafuri
ousl
y
stoodupbutIhel
dherdownbefor
eshecoul
d
reachher
.

Me:pl
easel
etherbe,
ify
ouf
ighthert
heschool
wi
ll
suspendyou.

Ay
astaredatmewi
thsomuchf
ir
eandIshook
myhead,si
gnal
i
nghert
ost
op
"am warningyouf orthelasttime,stayaway
from Sethoriwilltel
lthewhol eschool howyou
seducedandsl eptwi t
hy ourownst epfather
"
shehadaconni v
ingsmi le,Ihadnoi deahow
sheknewaboutt hat.Butonet hi
ngwasf orsur
e,
thoughwhatshesai dcutt othecore,myf ace
flushedasIfel
tev eryone'sgazepiercing
throughmyski n.
Myhandswer
esweetyandmyearsbur
nt,
how
coul
dshe,
howcoul
dshesaythatt
ome.

Idon'
tknowhowbutal l
Iknowi sIhadtoget
outofther
e,Istoodup,pushedherasi
deand
rantot
het oi
let
s.

"
Nathyst
op,
"Sarahcall
edout
,Inev
erst
opped,
t
ear
swerealr
eadystreami
ngdownmycheeks.
"yahrunBit
ch,andwhil
eyouatit
,don'tf
orget
tostayawayfr
om myman"Nqobi cal
ledout,I
wasabouttoreachthegi
rl
s't
oil
etswhenI
bumpedintoSeth.

"hey
,Wai
t,ar
eyoucr
ying"hehel
dbot
hmy
arms

"pleasel etgoofme,
leav
emealone"iwasnow
screami ng,myvoi
cewassoshaky
.Itwas
breaking.

"Hey,
comedown,whathappened,di
dsomeone
hurty
ou"hi
svoi
cewasfullofpi
ty

Iyankedmy
sel
foutofhi
sgr
ipandent
eredt
he
toi
let
s.
Iwenti
nsi
deat
oil
et,
closedt
hedoor
,satont
he
t
oil
etseatandj
ustwept
.
Iwasinpai
nandi
tfeltl
i
ket
hepastdi
dn'
t
wannaleav
emealone.
It
sli
keitwasdet
ermi
nedt
oFol
l
owme
ever
ywhereIgo.
Asoftknockont
hedoorst
oppedmef
rom
sobbi
ng

"Nathyit
sus,pleaseopenup,don'
tl
etwhat
Nqobisaidgettoyou,shei
sjustapat
het
ic
l
ooser"Sarahsaid.

"youshoul
dhavel
etmet
eacht
hatskanka
l
esson"ayasai
d

"pl
easefri
endopenthedoor,Iknowy outobe
st
rong,don'
tl
etsomeinsecurespoil
tbratget
i
ntoyou,openthedoor
"preshpleaded.
Itr
iedtokeepqui
etbuttheydi
dn'
tgoaway.
Theyconti
nuedpl
eadingformetoopent
he
door.

If
inal
l
ywi
pedmyt
ear
sthenopenedt
hedoor
.

Theyall
huggedmet hemomentIexi
tedt
he
toi
l
et,wesharedat
ightgr
ouphug.

"i
tsohk,
don'
tletherr
uiny
ourhappi
ness"
Sar
ahsaidbr
ushingmyback.

Ijustbr
okedownagai
n,t
heyletmecr
yi tout
,
theyneverl
etmegounti
lIst
oppedcr
ying.

Af
terIf
eltbet
terwebr
oket
hehug,
Icl
eanedmy
f
ace.

"y
ouwi
l
lbef
ine,
wear
eher
efory
ou"t
heysai
d.

Inot
icedhowl
uckyIwast
ohav
ethem.
Theydi
dn'
tj
udgeme,theydi
dn'taskmeany
awkwar
dquesti
onsaboutwhatNqobisai
d.
Theymademef
eel
bet
teraboutmysel
f.

Ayagavememybag, wewentt
ocl
assbecause
thebel
lhadal
readyr
ang.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Icouldn'
tat
tendt
hraf
ternoonlessonsthatday
becauseIfel
tsodown.Ijustneededtogetout
ofthere.
Sowhenmom camet
ofet
chCeboIl
eftwi
th
her
.

"youl
ooksad,
what'
swrong"sheaskedl
ooki
ng
atmethr
oughther
evi
ewmi r
ror.

Me:
am f
ine,
Ijusthav
easl
i
ghtheadache.

Her
:owhsorr
y,Iwi
llgi
vey
oupainmedswhen
wegethome.Arey
ousureit
sjustaheadache.
Me:
yes.

Her
:fi
ne,
butyouknowyoucant
alkt
omewi
th
any
thi
ngri
ght
,incl
udi
ngboy
s.
Iknowall
aboutdati
ng,
Iknowhowboy
scanbe,
Iwasyourageonce.
Ifaboybrokeyourhear
tyoucant
alkt
ome
abouti
t,ohk.

Me:
am f
ine,
itsj
ustheadache,
am notdat
ing.

Shel
ookedatmethr
ought hemir
rorl
i
keshe
di
dn'
tbel
iev
ethef
actthatIsai
dIwasn'tdat
ing.

"cebohowwasschool
"shebr
oket
heawkwar
d
si
lence.
Cebo:itwasgreat.Wendyaskedmet ocome
overherhouse.Shewantsmet ospendthe
weekendThere,canIgoplease.

Mom:wellIwi
ll
havetocal
lherpar
ent
sandt
alk
t
othem f
ir
standthenyoucango.

Cebo:
yesssthanky
ou,
youar
ethebestmot
her
i
ntheworld.

Mom: andyouar
ethebestpr
incessanyQueen
canaskfor
.

Wepassedbythemal
landmom boughtf
ew
t
hingsbef
oregoi
ngt
othehouse.
*
*
*
*
WhenIgothomeIj ustwentstr
aightt
obed, I
di
dn'
teventakeoffmyuniform,minuteslat
er
mom cameinshegav emet hepaintablet
s,I
dr
anktwooft hem andj
ustdri
ftedtolal
aland.
*
*
*
Myri
ngi
ngphonewokemeup,Icheckedt
he
t
imeandwasaround18:
30pm.
Il
ookedatt
henumberandi
didn'
trecogni
sei
t.
Ianswer
edont
hef
if
thr
ing.

"Iwasaboutt
ohangup"amal
evoi
cesai
d.

Me:
whoi
sthi
s.
Cal
l
er:
itsSet
h,
Me:whatdoy
ouwant
,wher
edi
dyougetmy
number
.
Seth:
Istol
ethem f
rom Sarah'
sphone,
befor
e
youbit
emyheadofj ustknowthatImeanno
har
m
Ijustwannaknowhowyouar
edoi
ng.Seei
ng
youcryi
ngtodayreal
l
ybr
okemyhear
t.What
happened.

Me:Wellam f
ine,andli
keIsai
dbef
orel
eav
eme
al
one.don'
tevercall
thi
sli
neagai
n.
Youhaveagirl
fr
iend,
leav
emeal
oneandf
ocus
onyourgi
rl
fr
iend.

Set
h:whatcanIdot
oshowy
out
hatIl
ovey
ou.
Pleaseletmebet heref
oryou,
Ilov
ey ou.Ihav
e
l
ov edyoutheveryfir
stt
imeIsawy ou.Il
ove
younoty oursi
ster.

Me:owhf i
gure,got el
lsomeonewhocares.I
don'
tl
ovey ou,andIwi l
lneverlov
eyou,
notnow,
notever
.Sodon' tcall
meagai n.

Idr
oppedt
hecal
landswi
tchedofmyphone.
Igotup,
changedi
ntoal
onggr
eydr
essandf
li
p
fl
ops.
Iexi
tedt
her
oom.
Thehousewasqui
et,
seemedl
i
ket
her
ewas
nobodyhome.
Butamarinat
edchi
ckenwasont
opoft
het
abl
e
i
nat r
ay.
Ifi
guredIshoul
djuststartwit
hthepot
s,soI
cookedpap,mashpot atoes,
tomatogr
avyand
r
oast
edt
hechi
cken

Ifi
nishedcookingar ound20:00, Nqobi
came
backar ound20:15,shenev ersaidawordtome,
shet ookacarrotinthefri
dget ookabi t
eonit
thenexitedthekitchen.Shenev ercameoutof
herroom afterthat.

Thepar
ent
scamebackar
ound20:
30.

"mmmhi tsmel
l
sni
ceinher
e"dadsai
dasI
wasset
ti
ngupthet
abl
e

"thankgodyoucooked,
idreadedthethought
s
ofhavingt
oeatout"mom saidopeni
ngt he
pots.
Me:it
sfi
nemah,
Iact
ual
l
ylov
ecooki
ng,
wher
e's
cebo

Her:
Itookhert
oWendy '
splaceear
li
er,
theywi
l
l
br
ingherbackonSunday.
How'
syourheadache.

Me,
:i
tsgonenow,
thanky
ouf
ort
hemeds.
Her:andwher
e'sNqobi
,i
sshebackf
rom
school.

Me:
yes,
she'
sinherr
oom.

Her
:ohkt
heny
oucandi
shup,

Theyexi
tedt
heki
tchenandIdi
shedupf
or
ever
yone.
10minutesl
aterwewer
eal
lgat
her
edar
ound
thet
ableeat
ing.

"wowy ouar
esuchagreatcook,
Ididn'
tknow
youcancooksuchadel
ici
ousmeal"dadsaid.

"mout
hwater
ingindeed,
your
eal
l
yknowy
our
wayar
oundpots
Becar
efuli
fyoucookthi
sgoodinthi
shouse
youmightt
urni
ntoourdai
lychef"mom added

Weall
laughedacceptf
ornqobi
whoj
ust
cl
i
ckedhertongue

"j
eal
ousy
"herdadsai
d
"Whatev
er"washerresponse.Shegavemea
deat
hstare,Ij
ustwonderedwhatIhavedonet
o
hert
hatmadeherhat emel i
kethi
s..
..

#admi
n
[
5/2,
12:
20]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYNI
NETEEN

We' v
ebeeni ntheli
braryforaboutt wohours.
Wehadcov eredmostpr oblemsi nthe
accountingprevi
ousquest ionpaper,whenSeth
andhi sgroupwalkedin.Theysatatt hetable
oppositeours.Ij
ustdecidedt otakeaquick
glanceathim whenourey esmet ,myheart
skippedabi tatt
hatinstant,If
eltl
ikethefl
oor
shouldjustopenupandswal l
owme.
"
Iwonderwher
eisNqobi
l
esi
nceSet
hisher
e"
Ayawhi
sper
edinmyear.
Ijustshruggedmyshoulder
snotwant
ingt
o
talkaboutanythi
ngr
elat
ingtot
hem.

Ifi
xedmyattent
ionbackt
oIsaac,
ourclass
geniuswhowasbusyexpl
aini
ngquest
ionseven
tous.
Allal
ongIcouldfeelSet
h'sgazet
hroughmy
fl
esh.Iwon'
tlie,
him bei
ngtheremademefeel
uncomfort
able.
*
*
*
Whenweweredonewitht
hefi
rstt
woquest
ion
paper
swewentforashor
tbr
eak.
Ihadjustexi
tedt
hedoorwhenIheardsomeone
cal
li
ngmyname, Ilookedbackandi
twas
Thabang

"damnthi
sguyi
shot,cany
ouj
ustdat
ehi
m
al
ready
"pr
eshSaid.
Ismi
l
edandshookmyhead.

"youguy
scangoahead,pleasebuya
bunny
chowforme"Ihandedthem t
hemoney
.

"
Makesur
eyoumaint
ainthatsmi
l
e,hewi
llmel
t
t
hemomentheseesi
t"Sarahwhi
sper
ed.

"y
ouguy
sar
ecr
azy
,cany
'al
lgoal
ready"
Theyal
lranofl
eav
ingmewi
tht
hisst
ranger
.
"Hhh.
..
.hi
"clearl
yhewasscar
edjudgi
ngf r
om
howher ubbedhishandsasi
fhewasf eel
ing
coldorsomet hi
ng.

Av erydryanduninvi
t i
ng"hel
l
o"wasmy
responsewhichscar edhi
m evenfur
ther,I
guessmyser iousnesswasat hr
eattohim.
May beifIhadsmi l
edabithemightloosenup.
ButIwasn'tabouttodot hat.

Hi
m:uhm,
mynamei
sThabang.

Me:Iknow,i
tswr
it
teni
nyournametag,
andI
havebeenher
esomanyti
mesnottoknowyour
name.

Ir
eal
l
yhadnoi
deawher
ethi
srudenesscame
f
rom.

"owhj ah,sil
l
yme.Ihav eseeny ouhereso
manyt imesandIhav ebeenhopi ngtogeta
chancet otal
kt oy ou,
andgett oknowy ou
bett
er"Hewasbr ushi
nghisnicelytr
immed
headwi thhislefthand

Me:
owh,
ist
hatso.

Him: yes,thethingis,y
ouamazeme, youareso
calm andr eal,
sonat ur
al anddownt oearth.
Andwheny ousmi l
eIswearIj ustst
op
everyt
hingam doi ngandst areatyou.IwishI
couldseey ousmilethewhol eday .Il
ikehow
youdon' tstri
veforperfecti
on, youdon'ttr
ytoo
hardy etyoulooksoper f
ect .
Iwasspeechlessnol
ie,
Thabang'
swordswere
soheartmelt
ing,i
tsl
i
kehehadbeenrehear
sing
ever
ythi
nghesaid.

"
Iwouldreal
lyli
ketogett
oknowy ou,soiwas
wonder
ingi
fyoucouldgiv
emey ourtensso
t
hatwecouldtal
k"heconti
nued

Me: Icanseey ouareagoodguybut

unfortunat
elyIdon'
tgi
veawaymynumber s
besideswear ealr
eadytal
ki
ng,youcansay
everythi
ngyouwannasayher e.

Him:pl
ease,t
her
e'ssomuchmor eIwannasay
andIdon'
thaveenought
ime,
Ijustwannaknow
youbet
ter.

Ist
oodt
her
equi
etf
orawhi
l
etool
ong,
Iwas
j
ustt
hinki
ngofapol
i
tewayt
orej
ecthi
m.

Sti
ll
fumbli
ngt
hrought
hemai
zeofmymi
nd,
his
fi
rm sweat
ygr
ipdrewmeout
"pl
ease"hebrushedmyhand,
whi
chwast
he
worstmist
akehedid.

Hi
stouchalonewasenought
oawakenhi
dden
memories,
hisgr
iptr
igger
edfor
got
ten
emot
ions.
Suddenly.
..Iwasbackint
hatshack,
standi
ngat
thecornerofthatt
inyr
oom scar
edformylif
e,
beggingandpleadi
ngforhi
m nottocomeany
fur
ther.
Heroared,
hiseyessored,
hist
eet
hli
kef
angs
andhishandshadclaws
Hestoodtal
labov
eme,l
ikeawolft
hrought
he
ni
ghtreadyt
oreapit
spr
eyapar
t
"stop,
daddypl
easest
op,Ipr
omiseIwi
l
lbea
goodgirl
"mypl
eafel
londeafear
s.
Hi
shandsfi
rmlyonmywr
ist
,wi
theacht
earhi
s
gr
ipt
ight
ened.

"Nooooo!,makehim st
op,
makehim stop"I
wantedtoscream butmyvoi
cewasstuckon
mythroat.
..
..

"hey,emii
nat
hy,
,,
emii
nathy,
,whatt
hehel
ldi
d
youdot oher
"Iknewthatvoi
ce,i
t'
sfami
l
iar
it
y
pul
ledmeoutofmyst ate.

Il
ookedupandSethwasstandi
ngaboveme,I
wassit
ti
ngonthepavement,
mykneesupto
mychestandmyhandswrappedaroundmy
l
egs
Thull
y:onmyleftsi
dewasThabangwhost
ood
ther
econfusedandsad,
helookedatmewi
th
somuchpi t
y

"hey,canyouhearme,arey
ouohk"Set
hsaid,I
noddedthentr
iedtogetup,
Setht
ri
edtohold
myhandbutIquicklymovedawayfr
om hi
m.

"di
dhehur
tyou,bastardwhatdi
dy oudoto
her
"wit
hsomuchangerSet hpushedThabang
sohar
dhealmostlandedonthepav ement

"whatthehellmanchi l
l,Idi
dnothi
ngtoher,we
werejustt
alki
ngnextt hingIknowshestar
ted
shaki
ngandscr eaming.Ididnothi
ngtoher.
"
Thabangsaidmai nt
aininghisbal
ance.

"l
i
ar,
whatdi
dyoudo"wi
thsomuchf
orceSet
h
pushedThabangagai
n,Thabangl
ashed
towardshi
m...
.

Theywer eabouttofight,peoplewerealr
eady
gatheri
ngaround,studentswi t
hthei
rphones
outreadytocaptureeverymomentoft hefi
ght
,
ri
ghtthenThabang'shandj er
ksSetharm
vi
olentl
y"Ididn'
tdoany thingtoherman"he
hi
ssedt hr
oughhisteeth.

Sethhadtur
nedredashest
ruggl
edforai
r,he
spr
eadouthiselbowwhi
chsunkint
o
Thabang'
sthigh.

"stop,cany oubothst
op"Iyel
led.Pull
i
ngt
hem
apartunti
ltheyletgoofeachother.

"Set
h,am f
ine,
Thabangdi
dnot
hingt
ome,
we
wer
ejustt
alki
ng"

Set
h:youaresay
ingthatt
oprotecthi
m,i
saw
howscaredyouwere.Hedidsomethi
ngt
oyou.

"li
keIsai
d,hedidnothi
ng,am f
ine,y
ouknow
what!,
Ineedtogetoutofher
e."Iyel
ledf
rom
thetopofmyv oi
ce.

"Icandr
ivey
ouhome,
"Thabangsai
d

Me:t
hatwoul
dbeni
ce,
thanx.Letmegogetmy
st
uff
.

Iwenti
nsi
det
hel
i
brar
ywhi
l
eSet
hranaf
terme

"heyy
oucan'
tj
ustl
eav
ewi
tht
hatguy
,youdon'
t
evenknowhi
m.Icandri
vey
ouhome"hesai
d
themomenther
eachedme.

Me: owhandIknowy ou?Sethy ouaredat

ing
Nqobile,andIknowshe' saty ourhouseaswe
speak.Doy ouhaveanyi deahowy ourgi
rl
fri
end
despisesmej ustbecauseshet hi
nksam
seducingy ou.
Younotinmylif
ebutyouhav
ealreadycaused
enoughprobl
ems,st
ayawayfrom me.

"Idon'
tev
enl ov
eNxobil
e,Ihav
elongtol
dhert
o
stayawayFrom me,
Iloveyou,Iwannabewi
th
you"hesaid.
Me:am sor
ryt
hatcan'
thappen,
nowexcuseme,
ihav
etogo

"sowhat
,youj
ustgonnal
eav
emeher
e,ar
eyou
dati
nghim, ar
eyoudat
ingthatjerk"hecal
l
ed
out.All
eyeswereonusnow, peoplehad
stoppedstudyi
ngandwerelookingatus

Me:
frankl
ythat
'snoneofy
ourbusi
ness.

Withthatsai
dIexit
edt
helibraryThabangwas
al
readywaiti
ngformeoutside,wewalkedtohi
s
car.Hewasdr i
vi
ngawhit
eci ti
golf.
Heopenedthedoorf
ormeIgoti
nandhegoti
n
t
hedri
versside.

"sowher
eto"hesai
d.

Me:
mbombel
a,shabangust
reet
,st
andno1500.

Hi
m:ohk,
butcanwepassbyt
hemal
lfi
rst
.
Me:
sur
e.

ItookoutmyphonesentSarahanSMStell
ing
herIwasgonebutIwouldcall
lat
erandexplai
n
every
thi
ng.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Therewasanawkwardsi
l
enceint
hecar
.Iwas
busybrowsi
ngt
hroughmyphonedoi
ngnot
hing.

"ialmostcr
iedseeingyouli
ket
hatont he
pavementyouknow, Iwannabetheoneto
carryt
hecrossesoftheworldforYou"he
brokethesi
lence.
Igr
asphel pl
essl
yattheleat
herseat
,Ir
eal
ly
wasn'texpect
ingthosewords,
myhearthad
neverfel
tsocaredfor.
Ikeptast
rai
ghtf
ace,
icoul
dn'
tsmi
l
enomat
ter
what.

"
Pleasegi
vemeachance"hecont
inued.
Me:am sor
ryIdon'
twannasoundanyrudeor
meanbutij
ustcan'
tbei
nar el
ati
onshi
patthe
moment.

Hi
m:Iam r
eadyt
owai
tfory
ouunt
ily
ouar
e
r
eady
.

Wegottothemal
lhet
ookmet
osomef
ancy
r
est
aurant
.
"t
hispl
acel
ooksexpensi
ve"Isai
dast
he
wai
tert
ookustoourtabl
e.

"thei
rfoodi
ssot ast
y,ij
ustl
ovehowev er
y
mealjustbl
endsintoget
her"heopenedachai
r
formeandIt ookaseat.

"y
oucomeher
eof
ten"Isatpr
oper
ly.

Hi
m:y
es,
mymom ownst
hispl
ace.

Me:what!Omgwow,
sot
hat
'showt
hewai
tr
ess
knowyou.
Sowher
e'sy
ourmom now.

Him:pi
naar,shehasanotherr
est
aur
antt
her
e,
andanotheri
nwitbank.
Me:wowseemsli
keasuccessf
ulwoman,
wher
e'sy
ourdad.

Hi
m: outofthepi
ctur
e,Ihav
enevermethi
m.
HeleftBef
oreIwasevenborn,
somymot her
si
nglehandedl
yrai
sedme.

"wow,shesoundsl
i
keastr
ongwoman"i
coul
d
seehowproudhewasofhi
smother
.

Thewai
tr
essbr
oughtt
hemenu
"justgi
vemetheusualpl
ease"
hesai
dtoher
"
seeanythi
ngy
oulike"hedi
rect
edt
hattome"

"wel
l,
Ithi
nkIwoul
dli
keyoursuggest
ion"i
pl
acedthemenudown.
Him:wel
lthenitssor
ted,Cl
eojustbri
ngtwo
plat
esofRatatoui
l
le,
pleaset
ellMarktoadd
extr
asource.Andtwoglassofyourfi
nestr
ed
wine.

Her
:yessi
r.
Shewal
kedaway
..
.

"Iswear
,yougonnaenj
oyt
his"hesai
d.

Me:
butIdon'
tdr
inkal
cohol
.

Hi
m:i
tsj
ustonegl
ass.
Me:
ohkt
hen.

Wetal
kedabit,
withhi
mtell
ingmemor
eabout
hi
smotherandhischi
l
dhood.
Hewasagreatguy
,poli
teanddownt oear
th.
Andthel
ovehehadforhismotherwas
pr
icel
ess

Minut esl
ater
,Cleocamebackwi t
hourfood,
andt hemomentt hatpor
ti
onofthatrat
atoui
ll
e
touchedmyt ongue,i
twasheaven,Ihadnever
tastedsomethingsodeli
ciousi
nmyl i
fe
Thewi netastedabitfunny ,
sweet i
shandabi t
ofbit
ternessinthemi x.Myt onguewasn'tused
tothi
st astebutIdrankitanyway .Bei
ngthere
andtalkingtohim wasgr eat

.
.
.
.
Aftereating,
Thabangpai
d,t
henhetookmet
o
thekitchenandshowedmear ound.
Thi
srest
aur
antwasoneoft
hef
inest
,itwasso
cl
eanandcl
assy
.
Af
tert
het
our
,wel
eft
,hedr
ovemehome.
*
*
*
*
*
*
Igothomear ound17:00,Thabanghad
droppedmet wohousesdown.Ther ewasno
oneinthehouse, butmom haddeci dedtocook
afeast.Iwasf ul
lsoIdidn'
tbothereati
ng.Ij
ust
wenttot akeaquickshower,woreasi mple
fl
oraldress.
Ithr
ewmy selfonthecouchthencall
edSarah
andapol ogi
zedforleavi
ngunexpectedl
y.Ithen
call
edCebo, Imissedher,butf
rom hertoneI
couldtellshewasenj oy
ingbeingatthe
Michaelsons.

Shetol
dmeshewasgonnatal
ktomel
ater
,
theywer
egoi
ngt
othepark
Af
tercal
li
ngher
,Il
azedar
oundnotknowi
ng
whattodo.
Iwasbor
ed,
Ifoundmy
sel
fremi
nisci
ngabout
Howmydaywasspent
.
*
*
*
*
*
*
Myweekendwasjustl
ongandbor
ing,
ther
e
wasnokidi
nthehouse,i
twasj
ustmeandt he
f
olks.
TheMichael
son'sbr
oughtCebo,Sundayafter
chur
ch,Iwashappytoseeheragain.Thehouse
waswarm andloudagai
n.That'
sthethingwith
Cebo,t
herewasneveradullmomentwi thher
.
Shetal
kedalotandj
okedallt
hetimeand
wit
houthert
hehousegetstooquiet.
..
.

Nqobil
ecamebacki
ntheeveni
ng,shel
ooked
l
ikeamessandwassmell
ingli
keanashtr
ay
mixedwit
hbr
ewery.

Herpar
entsstar
tedyel
li
ngathert
heminute
sheent
eredthehouse.Shedi
dn'
tanswert
hem
shej
ustwentt
oherr
oom andl
ockedher
sel
fin.
.
.
WeatedinnerthenIpl
acedt
hedishesint
he
di
shwasher.Ceboandiwenttoourroom,i
fi
xedourunif
orm bef
oregoi
ngtobed.
Aft
erfewminutesinbed,icouldhermom
knocki
ngonnqobi '
sdoor
,shewasbeggingher
toopensothattheycoul
dt al
kbutnqobi
never
openedthedoor.
Hermot
herknockedunt
ilshegav
eup.

#admi
n
[
4/28,
15:
39]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYSI
XTEEN
Iwasthefi
rstt
owakeuponMonday,
Itooka
ver
ylongbath,
byt
heti
meIgotoutev
eryone
wasup.
Iappli
edl oti
onandwor
emyuni for
m, i
tlooked
perf
ect,theskir
twasabitabovemyknees, and
theblazerjustmademelookli
kethosespoiled,
ri
ch,coconutkids.

Imadesur eIlookedper f
ect
,Ij
ustwantedmy
fi
rstdayatschool t
obeper f
ect
.Byt heti
meI
wasdonedr essing,cebocamein,shewas
donetaki
ngashower ,themomentshesawme
shebeamed.

"wowyoul
ooksobeaut
if
ul"shehadawi
de
smil
e.
Me:t
hanky ou,
ifeelbeaut
if
ul.Let
sseehowy
ou
l
ooki
ny ouruni
form

Ihel
pedheri
nheruni
for
m,shel
ookedcut
eand
ador
able.

"y
ouar
eper
fect"Iki
ssedherf
orehead.

Her
: Il
ovemynewschool
shoes,
Ilov
ethi
s
uni
form.

Ij
usthuggedhert
ightl
y,t
hiswasournew
begi
nni
ng,ournewlif
e.Imadethebed.

Wet ookourschoolbagsandrushedoutt
he
room themomentMr snkosical
ledus.
Breakfastwasal
readysetonthetabl
e.
MrNkosiwasAlldressedupinanav ybluesuit
andcl
earwhiteT-shi
rt
,hewasleaningagainst
thef
ri
dgewi t
hacupofcof f
eeinhishandwhi le
Mrsnkosiwasbusywi t
hsomedi shes.Shealso
l
ookedeleganti
nherknee-l
engthmar oondress,
aneatupdobun,andaf ewaccessori
es.
Hernudepenci
lheelwasj
ustspoton.Ij
ust
admir
edherwardrobe.

"
Mor
ning"webot
hsai
d

"mor
ninggi
rl
s"t
heyr
esponded.
"wowyougir
lsar
ealldoneanddr
essedup,
you
l
ookbeaut
if
ul"Mrsnkosisai
d.

"Ibett
heycanteachNqobiathi
ngort
woabout
bei
ngontime"MrNkosijoked
Thebot
hlaughed.

"breakf
asti
sready
, si
tdownandeat,my
husbandwil
ldropyouatschool
"shesai
d.

Wesatandat
e,i
twasj
ustaf
ull
Engl
i
sh
br
eakf
ast.

"letmegocheckonNqobi
l
e"Mr
snkosi
exi
ted
thekit
chen.

Wewereal
mostthr
oughwhenshecameback
f
oll
owedbyNqobi
lewhol
ookedsostunni
ng.
Shelookedsogor
geousev
eni
naschool
uni
form.
Hergreyskir
twaswayshortert
hanmi
ne,
itwas
bar
elyvisi
bleundert
hebl
azer.
HerShi
rtwasnottuckedin,herweavewast i
ed
i
namessybun.Hersockswer esolong,ali
tt
le
bi
taboveherknees.Hershoessoshinny,she
j
ustwasradi
ant,shehadonanudel ipst
ick,I
di
dn'
tknowstudentswereallowedtowear
makeup.

"Yourbreakfastisont hetabl
e"hermot hersaid.
Shedidn'tcompl ainaboutherlook,
whywoul da
parentl
etherchi ldwearsuchashor tskirt
,I
sil
entl
yquest i
onedmy sel
f,butcont
inuedeating
myf oodinsilence.

"am nothungry,
mom y ouknowhowIhat
e
greasyfood,
itwil
lmessupmyt ummyand
shape"shemadeadi sgust
ingf
acel
ooki
ngat
thefood.

Sheopenedt
hef
ri
dgeandt
ookoutanappl
e.
"
Idon'
tknowwhyy ouarestar
vingy
oursel
f,I
meanyourbodyi
sperfect
"hermother
r
emarked.

Nqobi
:andIwanti
ttoremai
nedjustl
iket
hat
,I
don'
tgethowadescentl
adycanstuf
fher
sel
f
wit
hsomuchfat.

Wit
hthatshelookedatme,If
eltembar
rassed
att
hati
nstant
.Ifeltugl
yandf
at.
Il
i
ter
all
yst
oppedeat
ingatt
hatv
erymoment
.

"don'
tmindHerrudenesswenai mi
nathi
,j
ust
l
etherst
arveher
self"herf
athersai
d.

Idi
dn'
tpayanyat
tent
iont
ohi
m,Ineededt
o
wat
chmywei
ght
.

Iwasaboutt
ocl
eart
het
abl
ewhenMr
sNkosi
st
oppedme

"owhnodear ,l
eavei t
,Iwil
lcl
eanev er
ything,I
l
ikehowor gani
zedy ouare,Nqobiyoucanl earn
athingortwofrom her.Aladycleansafter
hersel
f.
"Shesaid.
Nqobi
leroll
edherey
es,
"canwegoal
ready
"is
al
lshesaid.

Wet ookourschoolbags,
biddedMrsnkosi
goodbyethenfol
lowedMrnkosi t
ohiscar
.

Itwasablackrangerov
er,
itlookednew,itwas
soshinnyandnotevenasingleti
nyscrat
ch
wasv i
sibl
e.
Nqobisati
nthef
rontwhi
l
eceboandIsatatt
he
back.

Wedrovefort
hir
tymi
nutesbef
orewepar
kedi
n
f
rontofver
yhugebui
l
dings.
Theschoolwashugeandbeaut
if
ul.I
tlooked
expensi
ve.

Befor
ewegotoutMrnkosi
handedusR20not
e
each.

"r
eal
l
ydad,at
wenty,whatam Igoi
ngtot
obuy
wi
tht
his,
comeon"nqobicomplai
ned

Herdadsaidnot
hing,
hej
ustt
ookbackTheR20
andhandedheraR50.Iwassur
pri
sedathow
spoi
ltshewas,Imeani
tlookedl
ikeherpar
ent
s
werelet
ti
nghergetawaywithev
eryt
hing.

"Enj
oyyourdaygir
ls,mywif
ewill
fet
chyouaft
er
school
"hesaid,
hewai t
edunti
lweenter
edt
he
school
vici
nit
ybeforedri
vi
ngaway.

"Okaylet'
snotactl
ikewef r
iends.Inher
ewe
don'tknoweachother,don'
ttalktome,don'
t
l
ookatmeanddon' tcall
myname
Ihavear
eput
ati
ontomaintai
nIcanbefound
mixi
ngwit
hsnobbi
shpeoplel
ikeyou"Nqobi
sai
dthemomentweenteredtheschool
gate

Shewassti
llbusygi
vingusruleswhenthree
gi
rl
sdressi
ngexactl
ylikehercametowardsus

"
Sfer
b"t
heysai
dassoonast
heyr
eachedus
"Bit
chess!
"Nqobihi
ghf
ivedt
hem.Wej
ust
stoodther
equiet
ly.

"gir
lIhav
eal ottot
ell
y a,
Ispentt
heni
ghtas
Jason'
splace"oneofthegir
lsai
d.
Shehadatat
tooonherupperlef
tthi
ghwhi
ch
washal
fexposedunderhershor
tski
rt.

Theyal
lscr
eamedandhuggedasifthegi
rlhad
j
ustaccompli
shedSomet
hingposi
ti
ve.

"
Detai
l
s, detai
l
sgal
,iwannahearal
labouti
t"
Nqobisaid

"UmhNqoandwhoaret
heseghost
s"oneoft
he
gir
lspoi
ntedatus
"anot
heroneofmymother'
schar
itycase,"
Nqobi
lebl
owedherbubbl
egum af
tersayingthat

"Andonwhatpl
anetdi
dshear i
sefr
om, whoon
eart
hsti
l
ldoesas-cur
l"anot
hergi
rlsai
d

Theyal
lbur
stedoutl
aughi
ng,If
eltl
i
kecr
ying.A
l
umpwasst uckonmythroat
.

"Iknowr i
ght,Iwasjustt
ell
ingthem t
ostay
awayfrom me, Ican'
tassociat
ewithsuch
mediocre,anywaylet'
sgogirlbef
oreSeth
comesandf i
ndmewi ththem"Nqobilesai
d

"
Latersnobs"t
heyal
lsai
dt hendr
amat
ical
l
y
t
urnedandwalkedawayfrom us
"Ihat
eNqobil
eandherfr
iends,
theyar
eso
mean"Cebosai
dastheywalkedaway.

Me:
don'tmi
ndt
hem,
let
'sj
ustf
ocusonhav
ing
t
hebestday
.

Cebo:
thi
sschool
issohuge.

Me:webett
erst
artsear
chi
ngf
ort
hepr
inci
pal
'
s
of
fi
cethen.

Wewalkedt
owar
dst
hebui
l
dingsnotknowi
ng
wher
etogo.

Isawagi
rlst
andi
ngatAdoorofsomecl
assso
weappr
oachedher
.
Me:
hi

Her
:owhhel
l
o.

Me:
umhwewerewonder
ingi
fyoucanshowus
t
hepri
nci
pal
'
sof
fi
ce.

Her
:youdon'tknowwher
ethepr
inci
pal
'
sof
fi
ce
i
s.Areyouguysnew.

Me:
yep,
cany
ouhel
pus.

Her
:ohk,Iwi
l
ltakey
out
her
e,mynamei
s
Pr
eciousbyt
heway,
Me: am i
mi nat
hi,
andt
hisi
snomcebomy
youngersister
.

Her
:hi
nomcebo,
Ili
key
ourname.

Cebo:
thanky
ou.

Shewalkedust
othepr
inci
pal
'
sof
fi
ceand
i
ntr
oducedus

Thepri
nci
palsaidhewasexpectingus,hewas
awhit
emal e,
tallwi
thbroadshoulder
sandhe
l
ookedter
ri
fyi
ngsoImadei tanotenottobe
cal
l
edintheprinci
pal
'soffi
ce

Hegaveustimet
ables,t
heschoolmapandf
ew
ot
hert
hings.Het
oldpreci
oustotakeust
oour
cl
asses.

Ittur
nsoutpreci
ousandIwereinthesame
class.Shewastheheadpr
efectofthecl
ass.
Shewasagoodper
son.Al
i
ttl
ebi
tfamousand
apeopl
e'
sper
son.

Wetookcebotohercl
assandtol
dhert
omeet
meunderthebi
gtreedur
ingbr
eak.
Mymor ni
ngstartedoffawful
,Ir
eal
lyhat
edt he
remarksnqobi andherfri
endsmade.Ihated
howt heyrol
l
edt heirt
ongueswheneverthey
spoke.
Ihat
edthei
rsti
nki
ngat
ti
tude,
Ijusthat
ed
ever
ythi
ngaboutt
hem.

"Soyouarefrom KZNwhi
chmeansyouare
Zulu"nqobi
saidaswesati
nourcl
ass,
itwas
t
hesecondper
iodf
ort
heday
.

"
Yesam 100%Zul
u"

Her
:that
'sgr
eat
,mymot
heri
sZul
utoo.

Me:soy
oudon'
tl
ear
nanyAf
ri
canl
anguage
her
e.

Her:j
ah,Engl
i
shisourhomel anguage,t
henyou
canchoosebetween,Afri
kaans,Spanishand
Port
ugueseasaf i
rstaddi
tionall
anguage

Me:woow, butIunder
stand,
ther
ear
esomany
whi
testudentshere.

Her
:tel
lmeabouti
t,Idi
dn'
twannast
udyher
e
butmyparent
sinsi
sted,
"wewantonl
ythebest
fory
ou"t
heysaid.
If
eelinferi
orhere,t
hewhitesbasi
cal
l
yrule.But
al
li
nal l,
itsoneofthebestschool
swith
i
ncredibl
er esul
ts.

Me:
IhopeIwi
l
lfi
tinwel
l
.

Awhil
elat
erateachercamei
n,hewasal
so
whi
te,
theycal
l
edhim MrSpencer
Hewasouraccountingt eacher
.Helookedcool
butdr
essedsohorri
ble,hel i
kedmakingjokes
andactedmor
elikeabl ackpersont
hanwhi te.

"youmustremindme,
Iwi
llbor
rowy oumy
notesf
orl
astterm,
"pr
eci
ouswhispered
Me:
Iwi
l
lbegr
atef
ulf
ort
hat
,thanxgi
rl
.

Her
:youar
ewel
come.

"Presh,
caretosharet
heconver
sat
ionwi
tht
he
class"MrSpencercal
l
edout.

Her
:nosi
r,am sor
rysi
r

"IhopeIwon'
thav
et obegyoutol
etme
conti
nuewi
thmylesson"hesai
d.

Her
:uwon'
tsi
r,

Mrs:any
wayIwastol
dwehaveanewst
udent
,
cany
oupleaseshowy
our
sel
f.
Istoodupandall
eyeswer
eonme.
..Ij
ust
stooddumbstr
uck

"uhhh,youcansayyourname,
isshedumpor
deaf"t
heclassl
aughed.

Me:uhm mynamei
simi
nat
hikhuzway
o,Iam
f
rom KZN

Hi
m:wowwehav
eaZul
ugi
rl
,yousof
araway
f
rom home.
Wel
lam MrSpencerbutt
heycal
lmeTheJoker

Thecl
assbust
edoutl
aughi
ngagai
n

"
SeeIdi
dn'
tev
enmakeaj
okeandt
heyar
e
al
readyl
aughi
ng,
am f
unnyl
i
ket
hat
."Hesai
d

Mydaywentonsofineapar
tfr
om t
hefactof
hav
ingtoi
ntr
oducemysel
foneachandever
y
per
iod.

Duri
ngbreakt
imeIwaitedforcebounderthe
tr
ee,shecametomewi thanothergi
rl
,she
cal
ledherWendy,
shewaswhi teandapparent
ly
shewashernewfriend
SometimesIwishIwasmorel
i
kecebo,
she
connectedwit
hpeopl
eeasi
l
yandknewhowto
makef r
iends

Il
ethergowit
hhernewfri
endwhil
eIwal
ked
al
onetotheshopneart
hegatet
obuy
somethi
ngtoeat
.
Idi
dn'
tfeel
anyhungr
ysoIjustboughtapack
ofdor
it
osandasoftdri
nkcan.

Iwaswal kingbacktoschool whenIpassed

Nqobi andherfri
ends, t
heypracti
call
ybusted
outlaughingthemomentIpassedt hem.They
l
ispbehindmybackmaki ngnastyremarks.
Theyeachhadaci garett
eont hei
rhands,the
fi
lt
hysmokef eelt
heai r
.Ihat
edev eryt
hing
aboutthosemeangi r
ls.

Iwassolosti
nthought
sthatIdidn'
treal
i
sei
t
whenIacci
dental
l
ybumpedi nt
osomeone.

"am sosor
ry,
am sor
ry"Isai
dasIbendpi
cki
ng
upmysnacksAnddri
nk.

"
It
sohk,
youdon'
thav
etoapol
ogi
ze"awhi
te
maleresponded,hi
shandwasalreadyont
he
dr
inkcan,hepickeditupandcl
eanedit
.

"
Arey
oual
ri
ght
"hehandedmet
hedr
ink.

Me:
am f
ine.

"youdon'
tl
ookf
ami
l
iar
,ar
eyounewher
e"he
sai
d.

Me:
isi
tthatobv
ious.

Hi
m: yes,y
ouaredi
ffer
entbutnoti
nabadway
,
am Sethbytheway
.

"Ni
cetomeetyouSet
h,am I
minat
hi,
sor
ryI
bumpedi
ntoyou"
Hi
m:l
i
keIsai
d,i
tsohk,
whi
chgr
adear
eyoui
n.

Me:
grade11,
account
ingcl
ass

Him:am i
ngr
ade12,
sci
encecl
ass,
Ili
kehow
youdidy
ouhair

"Thankyou"Ir
espondedeventhoughitfel
tli
ke
hewasmocki ngme,may beIfel
tthatway
becausenqobiandherfr
iendsmadef unofme

"sowher
ear
eyouf
rom"hesai
d.

"Mbombela,Ihav
et ogo,myfr
iendsarewaiti
ng
forme"IknowIliedri
ghtonhi
sf ace,
Ijust
neededtogetoutofhissi
ght.
"
ButI.
..
"Iwalkedawaybef
orehecoul
dev
en
f
ini
shhissentence.

Ididn'twantanythi
ngt odowit
hanymale
specie,IhatedguysAndany t
hingt
hat
representedthem,Ididn'
twantany
thi
ngtodo
withanyguy .Ihurr
iedunti
lIwasoutofhi
ssi
ght
.
Ifoundanemptycl
ass,
satther
eandwait
edfor
thebell
tori
ng.Whi
leHopi
ngandpray
ingthat
hedidn'
tfol
l
owme.

#admi
n
[
5/3,
18:
11]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYTWENTY
#NQOBI
LE

Isatsti
l
l wi
thmyey esabi
ttear
y,Ir
eal
l
ywas
hopingforadif
fer
entout
come.Godwhathav
ei
donetomyl i
fe.
Iwashopi ngthatSet
hwoul dsleepwi t
hmeso
thaticanpinthepregnancyonhi m buthe
refusedtoeventouchme, i
nsteadthingswent
southprettyf
astwhenhef oundt heposit
ive
pregnancytestinmybag.
Hepr acti
call
ytoldmepoi ntbl
ankt hati
fIwas
planningtopinthepregnancyonhi m, i
t
wouldn'tworkbecausewehadn' thadsexfor
thepastfivemont hs.Af
terthatwehadahuge
fi
ghtthenhet hrewmeouti nthemi ddl
eofthe
night
Iswal
l
owedthehugelumpst uckonmythr
oat
asmymothercont
inuedknockingonmydoor
Ist
ayedqui
etunti
lshest
oppedknocki
ng.Af
ter
shewasgoneItookoutmyphoneandsend
Jet
hroamessage

"Atestconf
ir
medit,am pr
egnantandam
fr
eaki
ngout"Isentthet
extandheCalledback
al
mostimmediatel
y.

"Heysweetness"hewascal
m andcol
l
ect
ed
consi
deri
ngt heci
rcumst
ances.

Me: Jetam iscar

ed,Ican'
tdealwiththi
s,Idon'
t
knowhowIcansur vi
vethis,myparentswil
lki
ll
me, owhIcanal r
eadyimaginehow
disappoi
ntedmymot herwoul dbe.Youshould
havelist
enedtome.It ol
dy outouseacondom
Jet:youcan'
tbeblamingmef ort
hat,y
ouowed
megoodmoneysweet heart
,youcoul
dn'tj
ust
paymebysl eepi
ngwithmeusi ngarubber
.
Besidesyouaret
heonewhosuggest edusing
yourbodytosett
leyourdebt

Me:damnwhathav eIdonetomyl
ife,
whatwi
ll
happennow,Ineedtoabor
tthi
spr
egnancy
,i
cantkeepi
t.

Jet:
whatdi
dyouj
ustsay,t
her
e'snowayiwil
l
al
lowyoutoki
l
lmybaby.Yougonnakeept
his
baby,

Me:
butmypar
ent
s..
..

Hi
m:y
ourpar
ent
swi
l
lunder
stand,
Nqoi
fyou
ki
l
lmybabyam gonnaki
l
lyouar
ewecl
ear

Ikeptquiet,tearsst
reameddownmyf ace,I
wasscar edbecauseJetnev ermakesempt y
thr
eats,her eall
ywasgonnakillmeifIwast o
abortthepregnancy.Jethr
owascr azy,soscary
andruthless,hehadav astcri
minalempire.
Andwaseightyearsolderthanme.Igot
i
ntr
oducedtohim attheageoff i
fteen,
whenI
st
art
edcocaine,myfriendsint
roducedmeto
hi
m.
Heishandsomeandy
ummyanddanger
ousl
y
hot
.
Hel
ookedwayy
oungf
orhi
sage.
Heiscol
our
ed,anditist
hatr
uthl
esscol
our
ed
si
deofhi
mt hatIf
earedthemost
.
,
,
,
,
Ir
emember edt
hefi
rstt
imeimethi
m,hewas
sofondofme.Hesaidmysweeti
nnocence
amazedhim.
Iwashi
sfav
our
it
egi
rlandcust
omersi
ncet
hen.
Hisstuffwasgoodthough,Ineverwasonce
addict
edandIcouldcontrolhowandwheni
tookit
.
,
,
,
Beforeallthi
s,Iwasagoodki d,doing
exceptionall
ywel latschoolunt
ilimixedwith
theTeeCeesquad, agroupoftheemost
meanest ,popularandbeaut i
fulgi
rlsinschool
.
Thegr oupconsi stofTasha,abeaut ywithno
brai
ngi rlf
rom af i
lthyri
chfamily,
thenEmel da
thequeenofwil
dandf unthenitsCynthi
ayour
bit
chofthepack,shedatedoldermenandwor e
expensi
vecl
othes.Bef
riendi
ngthem ruinme
Ifai
l
edmyt enthgradetwice.Istar
tedsmoking
andbunki
ngclassesy etIl
ikedtheattenti
onI
gotfr
om st
udents.Iwaspopul arandev er
yone
knewandenv i
edtobeme.
Si
nceIhadthebr
ainsIendedupbei
ngt
he
l
eaderoft
hepack.
..
Nowher
eIwaswi
thaposi
ti
vepr
egnancyt
est
.
Iguesspeerpressurer ui
nedme.WhenIl ookin
themirr
orIhardlyrecognisethi
sr ebelli
ous
beastihavebecome.Asi fever
ythingwasnot
asbad,Mom hadt obr ingthosegirlsintoour
house.Ihat
edt hem, Ihatedimi
nat hibecause
sheremindedmeofhowIusedt obebef or
eI
metthepack,Ihatedherbecausemypar ent
s
alwayscomparemet oher ,mostl
yIhat edher
becauseshehadt akenawaymypar ents
at
tent
ionf
rom me.
Mymot herwasnowcl osertoherthanshewas
tome.Shewast heeperfectdaughtert
hatmy
motheralwayswanted.Asifthatwasnot
enough,shehadtotakeSethawayf rom me.

Itookadeepbr
eathbef
orest
andi
ngupand
taki
ngofmydress.
Il
ookedmy
sel
fint
hemi
rr
orandi
looked
per
fect
.
Myst omachwasst i
l
lasfl
atandIhadn'tgai
ned
anyweight,t
here'
snowayIcouldbepregnant
withsuchaflatst
omach.Maybethetestis
wrong.Am sureIwasn'
tpr
egnant,Idi
dn'tf
eel
pregnant
..
.
*
Iopenedthedoorandexi
tedmyroom,Iwas
hungrysoIneededsomethi
ngt
oeat,i
mademy
waydownstai
rsbutbefor
eIcoul
devenreach
thest
air
sIcouldhearmyparent
stal
ki
ngsoI
deci
dedtoeavesdr
op.

"ihaveexhaust
edever
ythi
ngonher,
idont
knowwhatt odoany
mor e,
Ifeel
li
keam loosi
ng
her.
Iam l
oosi
ngourchi
l
dJaden"mymot
her
'ssad
voi
cesaddenedme.

"i
thinki
tsti
meItakehert
okzn,
atl
eastshe
wi
llbesafet
her
e,shewil
ll
ear
nsomerespect
.
Mybr ot
herknowsjusthowt ot ameawi l
d
beast"mydad'sr
esponsecl earlyindi
catedthat
hehadalreadygi
venuponme.Howcanhe
suggestsendi
ngmet oUncleThemba, Imean
thatmanissouptightandst r
ict.Atleasthi
s
wifewasfunandgr eattohangwi th.That
womanwassobeaut iful
,herfashionsensewas
j
ustonpoint,shewasmyr olemodel .YetI
di
dn'twannagot oKzn,Ihatedthatplace,my
uncl
ewasf i
lt
yr i
chthough,heli
vedint hi
shuge
houseinMhlanga-r
ocks,Ididn'
tknowwhatki nd
ofworkhedidbuthewascl earl
yswi mmingin
money.

"butdoy outhi
nkshewi l
lagr eetogo, youknow
howmuchshehat eskzn"mymot her
responded,t
hef actthatshest i
lldefendedme
meansshest il
lhadhopet hatImi ghtchange,
shestil
lcar
edf orme.Butt henthepr egnancy
,i
wasgonnadi sappointheragai n.

Thinki
ngaboutthi
spregnancymademewanna
die,t
earsf
il
ledmyeyes,Imovedawayfrom
thei
rdoor,
mademywayt otheki
tchen.

If
eltl
i
kemyl
i
fewasamess,
Iwasdr
owni
ng
andIdi
dn'
tknowwhot
oaskf
orhel
p.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#I
MINATHI
Iwassit
ti
ngunderthisbi
gthr
eeinanicel
y
tr
immedgr ass,
sogreenandpeacef
ul,
thi
s
pl
acelookedfamil
i
ar.
Ev
ery
thi
ngwassobeaut
if
ulher
e,y
eti
tcoul
dn'
t
appeasemyspi
ri
t.
If
eltsosadanddown.Tearst
hreatenedmy
ey
es.SuddenlyIhear
dthi
ssof
tv oi
cehumming
averysadsong.

Thesongmademef eel emotional,

itsl
i
keI
knewit
.Iwipedmytears,st
oodupandf ol
l
owed
thevoi
ce.Thehumminggotl ouderasI
appr
oachedthi
sbigbeautif
ul house.
Ir
ant
othedoor
,swayt
hehandl
eandpushed
Lucki
l
yitwasunlocked"i
ssomeonethere.
"my
voi
ceechoed.Thehousewasabitdarker,
itf
elt
col
derasthedoorshutcl
osedbehi
ndmeI
j
umpedinf ear
.

Thehummi ngstopped,
suddenl
ythewhol
e
housewassoqui et
,maybetooqui
etf
ormy
l
iki
ng,onl
ythethumpingsoundofmyhear
tis
whatIcoul
dhear
.
Myf
ear
sgr
ewst
ronger

"hel
lo,
isanyonether
e"multi
plev
oicesfi
l
led
thewholehouse,
theechoeswasjustt
ooloud.

Ist
oppedtal
ki
ngatt
her
eal
i
zat
ionofmyown
voi
cescar
ingme

"mh..mmnn,"Icameint
oadamni nghal
t,i
twas
asoundofsomeonecr yi
ng.Thesoundwas
comingupthestair
s.
IknowIshouldn'
thav
e,butIguesst
empor
ary
stupi
dit
ytookovermeasIcli
mbedupthestai
rs.
Nowt hecriesweremor el
ouder
,Icouldhear
someonesni ff
ing.I
twasalr
eadyattheendof
thest
airs,Iwalkeddownthedim passage,
the
famil
i
arityoftheplacenowmoreVi vi
dthan
ev
er,Ir
ecogni
zedt
hispl
ace,i
tstheNkosi
house,
Zi
tha'
shome.HowdidIgethereandwherewas
ev
eryone.

It
ookfewmor estepsthenstoppedinfr
ontofa
smal
lreddoor,t
hecrieswerelouderand
cl
ear
ernow,itwascomi ngfr
om thereddoor.
Withmyhandst
rembl
ingIt
ri
edt
oopent
he
doorbuti
twasl
ocked

"issomeonet
her
e,Zi
thai
sthaty
ou"Iknocked
soft
ly.

"imi
,i
mi"waswhatIhear
d,asadt
one,
a
fami
li
arvoi
cecal
l
ingmyname

"whoareyou,openthedoor"Iwasnow
shaki
ngthehandleandpushedatthedoor
,wi
th
al
lmyef
for
tsi
nvei
n

"i
mi,i
minathi
"nowthevoi
ceechoed,
Icoul
dn'
t
bel
i
eveit
,itcoul
dn'
tbeher
.

"mom, mother
,howdidy ougetint
her
e,wher
e
havey oubeen,whydi
dy ouleav
eus"Ihad
thousandsquesti
onforher.

"imihel
pme,helpmeimi"shenowwas
screami
ng,
hervoi
cesoundedli
kei
twasi
nsi
de
myhead.

"helpme,helpme, pl
ease,imi
,hel
p,Please"t
oo
manyv oi
ces,If
eltli
kemyear dr
umswer egonna
burst,
shedidn'
tstop,i
nsteadsheyel
ledlouder
andlouder
.
WhenIl
ookedbackmyst
epdadwasst
andi
ng
behi
ndme.
"her
eyouar
e,Ihav
ebeensear
chi
ngf
ory
ou"he
smil
ed.
"no,noyouarenother
e,y
ouar
enother
e"Iwas
al
readybreaki
ngdown.
"i
mi,i
mi hel
pmepl ease"mymot
her
'sv
oice
wassti
ll
reapingupmyear dr
ums
"lookatyou,sohelpl
essnow, youar
emi
ne"my
stepdadsaid,hegotcloser,
hel
dmebymyneck
thenpressedmeagai nstthedoor
"Iknowy oul
i
kethi
s,don'
tscr
eam,
shecan'
t
hearyou"hewhi
sper
ed

"st
op!
!!
"Iscr
eamedhol
dingmyear
s.
.
.
"i
miwakeup"cebowasshaki
ngmev
igor
ousl
y,
Iqui
ckl
ysatup,
myhear
tpoundi
ngsoheav
il
y,I
wasdri
ppi
ngwetwi
thsweat
s.

"youaresowet,whyar
eyouscr
eami
ng"Cebo
askedcur
iousl
y.

"am fi
ne,Ij
usthadabaddr
eam"Igotupf
rom
thebed.

Cebo:
wher
ear
eyougoi
ng.

"ki
tchen,
Ineedwater
,gobackt
osl
eep,
we
hav
eschooltomorr
ow"

Iexit
edther
oom andmademywayt othe
ki
tchen,
Iwassoscaredandconf
usedbythat
dream
Igotcl
osert
otheki
tchenandt
hel
i
ghtwason
It
ipt
oed,scar
ed,It
houghtmay
beani
ntr
uder
wasinthehouse

Itr
iedt
obeasquiett
hatIdi
dn'
treal
i
zei
tasI
bumpedint
othementalr
ubbi
shbin

"gosh"Nqobi
jumpeddr
oppi
ngt
hespoon
"damn,
itsy
ou"If
ixedt
hebi
n

"youscaredme, whatar
eyoudoingsneaking
aroundinthemiddleoft
heni
ght"shepickedup
thespoont henr
insedi
t

Me:Ij
ustneededwaterbutt
henIsawthel
i
ght
s
onsoIthoughtt
her
ewasani nt
ruderor
somet
hing
Whyareyoust
uff
ingy
our
sel
fwi
thi
cecr
eam
t
hisl
ate
Her
:Icoul
dn'
tsl
eep,
whyar
eyouup.
Me:ni
ght
mar
es,
theymakei
thar
dformet
o
sl
eep.
Her:Iguessy
oualsoneedani
cecr
eam,
graba
spoonanddigin.

Sheact
ual
lysai
dthati
napol
i
tewaywhi
ch
ki
ndascar
edme.Whywasshenice,
wasshe
pl
anni
ngonpoisoni
ngme.

"r
elaxi
tshar
mless"shesai
d.

Ismil
edthentookt
hespoon,
Isatont
hehi
gh
chai
randjoi
nedher.
Her:sowhat
'sup,
whatar
etheni
ght
mar
es
about.

Me:nothi
ngreal
ly,
justhor
ribl
eremi
nder
sofmy
pastl
i
feIguess.Sowhyar eyouup?

Her:
ijusthadaveryter
ri
bleday
,soIdeci
dedto
si
thereandjustt
hinkaboutmyhorr
ibl
eli
fe.

Me: y
ouandhor ri
bleli
fe,t
hat'
simpossibl
e.I
meany ouhav eari
chf amil
y,yougotoagr eat
school,youhaveperf
ectfri
ends,youare
beauti
fulandyouhav eaperfectbody
,whatcan
behorriblei
nyourl
ifeMara.

Her:
y ouwon'
tunder st
and,
y ouhavenoclue
howmessymyl i
feis.YouthinkIhav
eiteasy
butyouarewrong.Ihaveproblemsto,j
ustli
ke
ev
eryper
sonoutt
her
e.

Aft
erthatcol
dchi
ll
inganswerIj
ustr
emained
qui
et,
Icouldseeshewasgetti
ngworkedup.

Iwasgl adthough,thi
swast helongest
conversati
onIev erhadwit
hhersi nceIcame
here.May bethingswouldbef i
nebetweenus
eventuall
y.
Fornow,
Iwaswi
l
li
ngt
otakei
tonest
epatt
he
ti
me.

#admi
n

[
5/4,
15:
21]Thul
l
y:BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYTWENTYONE
#I
MINATHI
ThreeweekspassedandIwasst
il
ltor
mentby
thosehorr
ibl
edreamsaboutmymotherand
stepdad.
Theni
ght
mar
esgotsoi
ntenset
hatIcoul
dn'
t
sl
eepany
mor
e.
Iwasl i
keashadowofmy self
,Iwasev en
scaredofclosingmyeyesbecauseoft he
thoughtofseeingthatmonster.Othert
hanmy
reoccurr
ingdreams,Iwasfine,Ihadgiven
Thabangmynumberev entuall
y.
Wehadgonet
otwodat
esnowyetIst
il
l
coul
dn'
tal
l
owhimt
otouchme.

Atleasthenevercompl
ainedhewassopati
ent
wit
hme, heur
gedmet oopenuptohi
m butI
couldn'
t.
Iwasaf r
aidthatifIt
ellhi
m whatIhavebeen
thr
oughhemi ghtrej
ectme,hewouldlookat
medi f
ferent
ly.Whati fheal
socruci
fymeand
saythateverythi
ngthathappenedwasmyf aul
t

No,Ican'
tgothr
oughthat
,Ican'
tgot
hrough
r
eject
ionandbei
ngjudged

MaybeIwasjustbei
ngcowardbuttobehonest
Iwasgenui
nelyscar
edoft
hefactthatImight
l
oosehim.hewasf unt
hough,heli
kedjoki
ng,
hewasAsmoot htal
ker
,socoolanddownt o
ear
th.
Hi
smot herwasri
chbuthedi
dn'
trel
ayonhi
s
mother
'sri
ches.
Heworkedhardandwasusi
nghi
sownmoney
t
otakecareofhi
mself
.
Alt
houghInev
erknewhi
m,hewei
rdl
ylookedso
famil
i
ar.
Helookedli
kesomeoneIknew, Ijustdi
dn't
rememberwho.Butt henIguesshejusthad
oneofthosefaces.
.
.
NqobiandIwerestarti
ngt
ogetalong, atl
east
nowshecouldspendf i
veminut
est alki
ngtome
wit
houtlashi
ngout
, shedi
dn'
tmakef unofme
atschoolany
more.Shecouldactuall
y
complimentmycookingwit
houtroll
inghereyes.
Eventhoughthatwasasi
gnofi
mprovement,
it
seemedlikesomethi
ngwasr
eal
lywrongwit
h
her.
Shewasawful
lyqui
ett
hanusual
,shel
ocked
her
sel
finherr
oom morenow.
Shewasnotasr udeandshehardlyhanged
withhermeanfri
ends.Whatwasev enstr
anger
i
st hehorr
ibl
ecombinati
onfoodsheate.She
atealotandwouldhardl
ycomplai
nabouther
weightl
ikesheusedtoo.

Shelovedchi
ckenf
eet
,wel
lonl
yift
heyWer
e
prepar
edbyme.
Shewasnowsofondofcebo,shewoul
dn'
tgo
anywher
ewi
thouther
.It
sli
keshewashernew
bff
.
SoitwasaSat ur
daymor ni
ng,aroundten,we
werealone,
theparent
shadl ef
tonThur sday,
theywereatt
endingafr
iend'
sweddi ngincape
town

Iwokeupar ound10;
00,whichwassolat
efor
me,Inev
erwokeupt hislat
e.Yether
eIwas,
andIwouldn'tbeupi
fThabangdidn'
tcal
lme.
WhenIwokeupIwasal onei
nbed,Iwentt
o
takeaqui
ckshowerthenwor
eatrackpant
s
andvestwi
thsl
ipper
s.

Thewholehousewasqui
et,
ceboandNqobi
werenowheretobef
ound.

Ist
art
edcleani
ngthehouse,i
twasn'
tthatdi
rt
y
buti
tsti
l
lneededcleani
ng.

Isweptthewhol
ehouseincl
udingNqobi
'sroom,
whichnowIwishedIhadn'
tbecauseofwhatI
found.

Iwasdr
aggingthedir
toutundert hebedwhenI
st
umbli
ngintosomethingIwishIhadn't.I
pi
ckedi
tupandst ar
edatitindisbeli
ef.
"
GoshNqobi
"myhandwasal
readycov
eri
ngmy
mout
h.
Couldthi
sbe,myhandt r
embledasIHel
dup
theposit
ivepr
egnancyt
estr
esult
s.

"
Owhl
ordshei
s..
..
"Ispokeoutl
oud.

Nowital
lmadesenseasIswal
l
owedt
hisbi
tt
er
t
rut
h.
Theeati
ngtoomuch,thewei
rdcrav
ings,and
herr
ecentbehav
iour
.Shewaspregnant.

Ipl
acedthetesti
nmypocketandcont
inuewi t
h
mycleani
ng.Ifel
tbadf
orher
.Icoul
dntstop
thi
nki
ngabouthowhermotherwoul
dfeel about
thi
s.
Whomadeherpregnant
,coulditbeSet
h.How
coul
dhegetNqobipr
egnantthenchaseaf
ter
me.Whatgamewashepl ay
ing..
.
.
.
Aft
erswi
pingImopedt
hef
loor
,thenappl
i
ed
Pol
i
sh.
Wit
hinanhourthewholehousewascl
eanand
wassmell
ingcomplet
elyfr
esh.
.
.
Iwassi t
ti
ngont heverandadrinki
ngteaand
biscui
tswhenIsawCeboandNqobi coming,
theyhadplast
ics,whichclearl
ystatethatt
hey
wer ecomingf
rom themal l.
"Thinasibuy
aeMal l
"cebobraggedast
hey
placedtheplast
icsonthefl
oor.

Me:
manj
eMi
nani
ngi
shi
yel
eni
.
Nqobi
:wetr
iedwaki
ngyouupbuty
ouwer
e
seemi
ngl
ysodeepinyoursl
eep

Cebo:
Ishooky
ousomanyt
imesbuty
ounev
er
wokeup.

Me:
sobeni
yot
hengani
.

Cebo:weboughtl
otsofsweets,chipsandlot
s
ofst
uff,
uncl
eJetboughtever
y t
hing,hebought
i
cecream f
orme.

Me:
andwhoi
suncl
ejet
.
Cebo:sisNqobil
e'
sfr
iend,
hehasav
ery
beaut
ifulcarandhet
alksf
unny.

Nqobi
:ai
uwunamfihl
onomceboy
ati
,ut
si
ukhul
umanj
aniJet
.

Cebo:hetal
kssof
astandf
unny
,akakwazi
ukukhul
umaisi
swat
i.

Me:
lol
,i
shewhi
te.

Nqobi:nohe'
scol
our
ed,any
wayy
oucanhel
p
yourselfont
hepl
ast
ics.

Me:
mmhgoodi
es
It
ookoutachocol
atebarandsnacks.They
wenti
nsi
dewhil
eIjustcont
inuedwit
hmyf ood.

"thanxforcleaningmyr oom,Il
efti
nahurry
thi
smor ning,Icouldn'
tevenmakeupmybed"
nqobisaid,shehadchangedi nt
oasexyloose
summerdr essandhadamatwi thher
.
Shespr
eadi
tont
hef
loorandl
ayoni
t.

"i
tsnost
ress,
wher
e'sCebo"

Her:TV,y
ouknowhowmuchshel
oves
car
toons.

Me:
yeah,
uhm I
..
.I
..

Her
:what
?
Me:
wel
lwhenIcl
eanedy
ourr
oom If
oundt
his.

It
ookoutt
hepr
egnancyt
est
.

"owhmygoodness,wheredi
dyougetthi
s"she
snat
chedt
hetestf
rom myhand,Ihadnoidea
whenshegotupfr
om themat.

"youwentt
hroughmyst
uff
,howdar
eyou"she
yel
led.

Me:keepi
tdownwilly
ou,am sor
ryIdi
dn'
t
meantopoke.Iwassweepi
ngunderthebed
andi
twasthere.
I
sity
our
s
Shenoddedwi
tht
ear
yey
es

"whoi
sitf
or.i
sSet
h..
?"

Sheshookherhead."i
tjusthappened,
Idi
dn'
t
pl
anthi
s.I.
.we.
."Shepaused
"youcan'ttel
lmom,pr
omi semeyouwon'
ttel
l
her"sheconti
nued,
herbeggingey
esmademe
feelsor
ryforher
.

Me:don'
tworr
yyoursecr
eti
ssaf
e,besi
desi
ts
notmysecr
ettotel
l
.

Her
:thanky
ou,

Me:
sohowf
arar
eyounow.
Her
:el
event
hweekt
hisweek.
Me:butyoubar
elyshowi
ng,
yourbodyi
sso
per
fect
.
Her
:yeahacceptthef
actthatam st
uff
ing
mysel
fwit
hnearlyanyt
hingthi
sdays.
Ihavenoi
deawheretogof
rom here,
mymom
wil
lbesodi
sappoi
nted,
Dadwil
lkil
lme.
Whati
ftheyki
ckmeout
,Wher
ewi
l
lIgo.

Me: yourpar
entscanneverdothat,
t heylov
e
you.Yestheymaybemadanddi sappointedat
f
irstbutevent
uall
ytheywil
lacceptthis.

Nqobi:onl
yift
hingsweresoeasy,Ihave
destr
oyedmylife.Theper
sonresponsibl
efor
thi
sisnotevenagoodf at
herf
igure.Howwi l
lI
dothis.
Me: t
hingswil
lgetbet
tery
ouwil
lsee,
butyou
havetotell
mom becauseevent
ual
lyyouwil
l
star
tshowing.

Nqobi
:Iknow,am st
il
lfi
gur
ingoutawayt
o
br
eakthenews.

Me:
hav
eyoust
art
edy
ourpr
enat
alv
isi
ts.

Her:Iwill
best art
ingnextTuesday ,am so
scared,everyt
hingfeel
slikeadr eam.Iam
scaredoft heeyesinthecli
nic,soIwillbe
att
endingf rom apri
vatecli
nic.

Me:
sowhoi
sthef
ather
.

Her
:Jet
hro,
Jet
hrodut
oit
.
Me:
thej
etcebowast
alki
ngabout
.

Her
:yes,
iti
s.

Wecont i
nuedt alki
ngwi t
hhert el
li
ngmemor e
aboutJethroandhowscar edshewasofhi m.
Shereall
ywasi ndistress,Icouldseefrom her
eyesthatthi
swassohar donher .Ifel
tbadfor
her,
IKnewt hef eel
ingthatcamewi t
h
unpl
annedpr egnancy, t
hest r
essandr egr
ets.
Iwasgl
adshewaskeepingt
hebabythough.
Abor
ti
onseemseasybutcandest
royaperson
Iknewtheburdent
hatcamewi t
hit
,the
night
maresandthegui
lt
.Itnev
erst
ops.

Lat
erceboj
oinedus,
wechangedt
het
opi
c.
Aroundt
heaf t
ernoonwewenttothepool
att
he
back.Wejustbaskedi
nthesun.
:
:
:
:
Aroundfi
veIstar
tedonthepots,Ijustprepared
pastaandmeatball
s.WhenIwasdoneIwentt o
takeashower,woremyskinnyjean,loosetrunk
topandfl
ipfl
ops.
Icombmyhair
,Ideci
dednotcuti
tanymore,
I
wasgonnadoafinet
wistf
ordecember.
Iappl
i
edmyl
i
pgl
oss,
rightt
henmyphoner
ang.

"hey
"Ianswer
ed.
"am out
side"t
habangsai
d
Me:
am comi
ng.
Iexi
tedt
her
oom.

"Thabangi
sout
side,
Iwi
l
lbebacksoon"
Isai
dtonqobi
andcebowhower
ewat
chi
ngTV.

"ohk"t
heybot
hsai
d.

Iwal
kedout,
att
hegat
eIcoul
dseehi
scar
downther
oad.
Icl
osedt
hegat
ethenmademywayt
othecar
.

"
Hey"Hesai
dthemomentIgott
ohi
m,hewas
l
eani
ngagai
nstt
hecar
.

Me:
hi.
Heopenedhi
sar
msforahug,
Iswal
l
owedmy
f
ear
sandhuggedhi
m,
Hesmel
ledsoheav
enl
y,hi
scol
ognewasj
ust
t
hebest
.
"youl
ookbeaut
if
ul"hesai
daswebr
oket
he
hug

Me:
thanx

Hi
m:sohowwasy
ourday
.

Me:
fun,
andy
our
s.

Him:
Iwouldsayi
twasgoodbutyoudidn'
t
comeatt
heli
brar
ytodaysoi
twasn'
tthatgood.

Me:
owhsor
ry,
wedeci
dednott
ost
udyt
his
week.

Hi
m:Isee.Howar
eyourst
udi
esany
way
.

Me:
fine,
butbusi
nesseconomi
csi
sshowi
ng
mefl
ames.
Him:thatwasmyf
avour
it
esubj
ect
,may
beIcan
assi
styou.

Me:
wowr
eal
l
y.

Hi
m:y
es,
Igotadi
sti
nct
ioni
nit
.
Me:Ienv
yyou,Imeanhowdi
dyoudoit,Imean
economi
csi
sjustsoconf
usi
nganddi
ff
icult
.

Hi
m: don'
tworr
yIwil
lshowyouaneasy
t
echniqueonhowtograspev
ery
thi
ng.
Me:
Iwi
l
lbegr
atef
ul.

Hesmiled,
her
eal
l
ylookedhandsomei
nhi
sey
e
gl
asses.
Sl
i
mfi
ttor
njean,
andal
ongsl
eev
emuscl
eshi
rt
.

"what
'
sfunny
"IhadToaskashekeptsmi
l
ing
atme.

"nothingr
eall
y,Ienj
oybeingwithy
ou"hesai
d
star
ingdeeplyi
ntomyey es,Ibr
oketheey
e
contact,l
ookeddown.

"Iwishsomedayyoucanbemywoman, Ican
al
readyimagi
nemy sel
fmarr
iedt
oy ou,our
perf
ectl
itt
lef
amil
y,you,meadaughteranda
sonchi
l
li
ngatt
hepar
k.
I
twouldbesoperf
ect
.Youwi
l
lbeMr
s
Nkadi
meng"hesai
d.

Howi wi
shitcoul
dbel i
kethat,butIknewIcan
nev
erhavesuchlif
e.Ihadnoi ntent
ionof
get
ti
ngmarried,
nottotalkaboutbeinga
mothert
osomeoneasbr okenasIwas.
.
.
Weconti
nuedtal
ki
ngwit
hThabang,
around
20:
00Iwentbacktot
hehouse.
Thegirl
sweresti
l
lwat chi
ngTV,
theyhad
alr
eadyeat
en.Idi
shedupf ormysel
fthenwent
tojoi
nthem i
nthelounge.

#ADMI
N
[
5/5,
09:
01]Thul
l
y
:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L
ENTRYTWENTYTWO
#I
MINATHI

Fi
veweekspassed,
examsst
art
ed,istay
ed
moref
ocusedonmybooksthanev
er .
Ihadn'
ttal
kedtoThabangi
nawhi
l
enow,
inf
act
Iavoi
dedhim atal
lcost
.
Anditwaseasi
erbecausehejustworkedatt
he
l
ibr
ary,
aplaceIhar
dlyvi
sitnowadays.
Thabangwas21andhadf i
nishedhismatricat
theageof17, het henstudi
edLLBf orthr
ee
years,
afterhegr aduat
edhedeci dedtowor kat
theli
brar
y .Alt
houghhewasaper f
ectguy,Iwas
sti
ll
notinterestedindati
nghi m.
.
.
Sethnev erst
oppedbeingat hor
ninmylif
e,y
ou
will
findhim atschoolev
enwhenhewasnot
writ
ingjusttotormentme.Hewassoannoy i
ng
andr ef
usedt oleavemealone.Iact
ual
l
y
thoughthewasnowst al
kingmebecausehe
seemedt obeev er
ywher
eIwas.
Ifi
nall
ysawt hatpushi
nghim awaywastheonly
reasonhecamebackhar dersoIfinal
l
yhad
l
earnedtoco- exi
stwit
hhi
m.It ol
dhim wecoul
d
j
ustbef r
iends.
Atleastaf
terweweref
ri
endshebecamel
ess
annoyingAndmorecar
ryi
ng.
Ayawassoupsett
hatIfr
iendzonedSet
h,she
wantedust
odate,t
oherSethandIwere
per
fectf
oreachot
her.
Preshcouldn'
tgetwhyIref
usedtodate
Thabang,sherootedf
orhim atal
lcost
,she
real
lyhadthishumongouscrushonhim.
Sarahwasj ustneut r
al,
shewasal lformy
happiness.Shesai dshewouldsuppor tmein
whateverchoi ceImade, wel
laccepti fIchose
Bongane, Sarahhatedbongane,Ihat edhimt oo,
hewasannoy i
ng,bunki
ngschool andsmoke
weedl i
kecr azy.
Healsowasdoi
ngt
heel
event
hgr
ade,
sci
ence
cl
ass.
Hewasuntidyandl
oud,
hewaspur
elyabad
i
nfl
uence.
Aper
fectexampl
eofapr
obl
emat
icchi
l
d.

Hetoowasboundinpester
ingme,Ihat
edt
he
f
actthathet
houghtIcoul
ddatehi
m.
Luckil
yformehehadstoppedtor
menti
ngme
l
atelybecausehet
houghtIwasdati
ngSet
h.
I
twasMonday,wewer
ewri
ti
ngoursecondl
ast
paper
,whi
chwasEngl
i
shpaperone.
Sotheschool
waspackedbecauseal
mostal
l
ofuswerewri
ti
ng

Thepaperwastwohour
slongButIwasdonei
n
1h30minut
es.
Istayeddoubl
echecki
ngmyanswer
sPeopl
e
start
edsubmitt
ing,
whenAy
asubmitt
ed,
I
submi t
tedt
oo

"thatpaperwasj
usthard,
Ithi
nktheyar
etr
ying
tohardtomakeusfail
"shesaidaswegot
outsi
de

Me:
Ithoughti
twassoeasy
,Ienj
oyedi
t.

Her
:wel
lyouar
eboundt
o,y
ouar
esmar
ter
Me:
haha,
funny
,ar
eyout
ryi
ngt
omockme

Her:
am j
ustst
ati
ngtheobvi
ous.Yoham so
t
ir
edofbooks,
Ineedabreak

Me:r
elaxwearewrit
ingourlastpaperon
Wednesday
,theny
oucanr esthowev ery
oul
i
ke

Her:am notl
ookingf
orwar
dt othatpaper,
account
ingisthemostdi
ff
icultf
orme, Idon'
t
evenknowwhyt heymadeitourlastpaper.

Me:
west
udi
edsohar
d,am sur
ewewi
l
lnai
li
t.

Her:
Ihopeso.Here'
sSar
ah,seemsli
keshe
enj
oyedthepapert
o,l
ookathowwidelyshei
s
smil
ing.
"heygi
rl
s,y
ouguy sar
esof
ast
"shesai
dthe
minut
eshereachedus.

Me:
wel
lhowwast
hepaper
.

Sar
ah:
great
,easi
ert
hanIexpect
ed.

Ay
a:i
twasn'
tthateasy
.

Sar
ah:
buti
twas

Wewenttot
hetaps,dr
ankwaterthenwait
ed
f
orpr
eshwhocameout5mi nutesbefor
ethe
t
wohourswasover.
"Sokudl
i
wani,am hungr
y"shesai
dtheMoment
shegottous

Ay
a:ai
best
iey
oulovefoodShem,
sur
elyy
ou
wr
otef
oodint
hatpaper

Presh:
Idi
dn'
teatt
hismor
ning,
Iwasl
atesoI
hadtorun

Sarah:
Idon'tgett
his,youl
i
veclosert
othe
schoolbuty
ouar ealwaysl
ate

Pr
esh:
Ilov
emysl
eep

Me:
clear
ly

Wemadeourwayt
othegat
es
"yourbodyguar
dishere"pr
eshsaidpoi
nti
ng
herheadtowardsSet
h'sdir
ect
ion

Aya:ai
preshhowdoy
ouknowhei
swai
ti
ngf
or
her.

Pr
esh:
whoel
secoul
dhebewai
ti
ngf
or.

Ay
a:hi
sfr
iendsper
haps

Presh:
weallknowhei
swai
ti
ngforher
,he
spendswaytoomucht
imewit
hyounowaday
s,
where'
sNqobil
e

Sarah:guy
sst
opt
alki
ngl
i
ket
hat
,he'
sst
il
lmy
brother
"heyl
adi
es"Set
hsai
daswepassedhi
m.

"heySet
h"t
heyal
lsang.

"hey
,am wai
ti
ngf
ory
ou"hedi
rect
edt
hatatme.

Me:
wear
egoi
ngt
otheshop.

Set
h:f
ineLetmej
oint
hen

Ihadnochoicebutt
owalkwi
thhi
m,t
hegi
rl
s
werei
nfrontandwefol
l
owedbehi
ndsl
owl
y

Hi
m:howwast
hepaper
Me:
good

Hi
m: soyou'
rewr
it
ingy
ourl
astpaperon
Wednesday

Hi
stonewassaddenedwhenhesai
dthat

Me:yep,f
inal
l
yIcanr
est
,ar
eyoual
sowr
it
ing
Wednesday

Hi
m:j
ah,
phy
sical
sci
ence

Me:i
sitt
hatdepr
essi
ng,
youdon'
tsound
t
hri
l
led

Him:
Iam, i
tsjustt
hataft
erWednesdayitmi
ght
bedi
ffi
cul
tformet oseeyou,
Iknowy ouwon'
t
al
l
owmet
ovi
sity
ouathome
Iam af
rai
dImi ghtlooseyouforev
erandIhate
that
,nextyearam goingtotheuniver
sit
yof
Pret
ori
a.Howwi ll
Iseey ou.Ir
eall
ydon'twanna
l
ooseyou

Me:Iwillcomet
ov i
sitSarahaty
ourhouseyou
cansti
l
l seemethen,surel
ywewill
sti
ll
see
eachother.

Hi
m;ar
eyousur
e.

Me:
yes.

Hebr
eat
hedasi
gnofr
eli
ef.

"j
ustonemor
eyearandy
ouwi
l
lal
soj
oinmei
n
Pr
etor
ia"hesai
d

Me:y
eah,l
et'
shopeIwil
ldogoodenought
oget
abur
sar
yorascholar
shi
p.

Hi
m:IknowYouwi
l
l,Ibel
i
evei
nyou

Ismi
l
ed,
wef
inal
l
yreachedt
heshop.

"whatshoul
dIgety
ou"hesai
d.

Me:
Ihav
emyownmoney

Hi
m: Iknow,
butam buy
ingf
ory
out
oday
..
l
i
nsi
st.
Me:fi
net
hen,
ult
raMel
dippedcooki
esanda
dr
ink.

"sure,
comingri
ghtup"hewenti
nsi
dewhi
l
eI
stoodonthepavement.
Awhilel
aterhecamebackwi
ththecooki
es,
dr
ink,achocolat
ebarandapi
e.

"manareyout
ryi
ngtofatt
eni
ngmeup"Isai
d
ashehandedmethefood.

Set
h:Iam t
ryi
ngt
otakecar
eofy
ou.

Ismi
l
ed.

"youhaveabeaut
if
ul smi
l
esweet
cakes,
"he
waslooki
ngatmylips.
Me:
soIhav
ebeent
old.

Set
h:y
ourey
esl
i
tupev
ery
timey
ousmi
l
e.

"heyyoumother
'scari
sher
e"preshsai
d,
sav
ing
mef r
om hav
ingt
oanswerSeth.

"Ihavetogo, seeyouWednesday"Ir
ushedof
f
l
eavinghim behind.

"wearest
il
lgoi
ngtothemal
ltomor
rowr
ight
"
ayasai
dasIpassedt
hem

Me:
yes.
Sar
ah:
Iwi
l
lpi
cky
ouup.

Me:
cal
lbef
orey
oucome,
byegi
rl
s.

"by
e"t
heyal
lsai
d

IgottowhereThecarwaspar kedandIgoti
n
thebackthenclosedthedoor
.Nqobil
ewas
alr
eadyinthecar,shewassit
ti
ngatthefr
ont
.

Me:
himom

Her
:heydear
,howwast
hepaper
.

Me:
itwasf
ine.
Her
:that
'sni
ce.

Thenwasthi
slongawkwar
dsi
l
ence,
themood
wassosouri
nt hecar
.
RightthenIsawNqobilewipi
ngherey es,she
wascr yi
ng.Shekeptonsniff
ingandmom was
stari
ngatherwithadisappoi
ntedface.The
waitforceboseemedsomuchl ongerthani t
usuall
yisbutfi
nall
ycebocame, mom st arted
thecar.Thedri
vehomewasal ongandsi lent
one.

Iwonder
edwhathappened
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#NQOBI
LE

Isatsi
l
entlyi
nthatcarasmymom wentonand
onexpressi
ngherdisappoi
ntment
sinme.

"Nqobilehowcoul dy oubesocar eless,

Itaught
youaboutabst i
nenceandsaf esex.Howdi d
youall
owy ourselftogetpr egnant.Kwent ekani
ngaweNqobi l
e.Yat ingikukhul
isengenhl onipho
nangemf undisomf t
wanam buty out hr
ewt hat
backinmyf ace.Itol
ol okubengi busy
ngi
kuvikelakubab' wakhonakat si Kunconouy e
ENatal
i kumal umewakho.Kwent enjaniNqobi l
e,
tj
elami
newheredi
dIgowr
ong"Icoul
dsee
howdefeat
edshewas.

"answerme, wher
edi
dIgowrongwi
thyou"
tear
sstreameddownherf
ace,
shequi
ckl
y
wipedthem away.

"am sor
rymommy ,
Iam sor
ryIhav
ebeenso
stupi
dandsonai
ve.
Pleasef
orgi
veme"Ihopedmypleawouldbe
enoughtowipeal
lthePai
nIhadcausedher
.

"umi
tsi
sweng'
bani
Nqobi
l
e"Ikeptqui
et

"dammi tNqobil
ewhoisresponsibl
efort
he
pregnancy"sheslammedherhandont he
steeri
ngwheel,
IjumpedinfearbutIcoul
dn'
t
say,Iopenedmymout hbutnothi
ngcameout
"whatwi
llIsayt
oyourfat
her
"sheaskedasi
f
shewasexpecti
ngananswer
.

"am sor
rymom,
am sosor
ry"Iwhi
sper
ed.

Shewasabouttosaysomethi
ngbutIguess
i
minat
hicomingindi
stur
bedher.
.
.
.
Isati
nthatseati
nshame, howdi
dmymot
her
knowaboutthepregnancy
.
Iwassti
ll
notshowing,y
esIhadgai
nedabi
tof
wei
ghtbutitwasnothi
ngmuch,Iwasso
car
eful
asnottoshowThem anythi
ng.
Theonl
ywaymymot
hercoul
dhav
eknowni
sif
somebodytol
dher,andtheonl
ypersonwho
knewaboutmypregnancyapar
tfr
om jetand
thepackwasImi
.
Myf r
iendswoul
dn'thav
etoldmymother
nei
therwouldJet
,thatl
eavesonl
yoneper
son.
"I
mi "shemusthav
etol
dmymot
heraboutt
he
pregnancy.

Aft
erIhadbeggedhernottotell
,shepromised
menott otel
l
,butwhatwasIexpectingfr
om an
out
sider
.Howcoul dIhavebeensodumbt o
havetr
ustedthatSnake

Myinsi
deswerebur
ning,
sot
hiswasal
lIgetf
or
t
ryi
ngtobenice;
bet
rayal
.

Iknewimi
want
edt
otakemypl
acei
nthi
s
house.
Iknewshewantedtorui
nmyr el
ati
onshi
pwit
h
myparent
s.Couldn'
tshehav
ewai t
edunti
laf
ter
thehol
i
days.

Ithoughtshewasmyf r
iend,
Itr
ust
edherbut
shewasgonnapay .Iwasgonnamakesureshe
paysforrui
ningmyli
fe.

Wef i
nall
ygothome,mymom wasst i
l
lqui
et,
I
wonderedwhatshewasthi
nking.Wasshe
gonnatellDad,
wer
etheygonnasendmetoKzn
orj
ustchasemeouttothestreet
s.

Wegothome,mom par kedonthedr

iveway
,we
al
lgotout
.Andsheremai nedi
nthecar,
she
gavei
mi t
hehousekeys.

"Iknowwhaty
oudi
dandy
ougonnapay"I
whisper
edt
oheraswemadeourwayt
othe
house.

Imeantev
erywor
d,sher
eal
l
ywasgonnapay
.

#ADMI
N
[
5/7,
13:
45]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYTWENTYTHREE.

#I
MINATHI

Isatont
hebedconfused,
whatwasNQOBILE
tal
ki
ngabout
,whatdidIdoandhowwasshe
gonnamakemepay .
If
inal
lyst
oodup,sear
chedforsomethi
ngto
wear,
Ifoundajeandr
essandjustworeit
,it
waskneelengt
handhuggedmeabi t.

Cebohadal
readyl
eftt
her
oom
Iwasaboutt
oexi
tedwhenmom wal
kedi
n
Shehadt hesaddestf
aceever
,If
eltscar
ed,
I
thoughtmaybehersadnesshadsomethi
ngto
dowi t
hme.

"mom"Ibackedawayf
rom t
hedoor
.

Her:hey,uhm Iwant
edtotel
lyouthatt
her
ear
e
peoplecomingtomorrow,
mysi st
er'
ski
ds.
Theyareverygoodki
ds.Theyar
ebothint
he
uni
versi
tyandhaveal
readycl
osedf
orthe
hol
i
day
s.

Me:
owh,
Ican'
twai
ttomeett
hem.

Her:youwil
llov
ethem, t
hegirl
ismor
eli
key
ou.
Respectf
ulandconsecuti
ve.
Shei
sNqobi
l
e'sage

Me:
ohkmah,
butIhav
etogot
othemal
l
t
omorr
ow.

Her
:wi
thwho.

Me:
myf
ri
ends,
wear
egoi
ngt
otheci
nema

Her
:kt
hen,
remi
ndmei
nthemor
ningt
ogi
ve
youSomemoney,youwi
l
lpassbyt
hesal
on
andpl
aity
ourhai
r.
Iwil
lcal
lJul
i
aandmakeanappoi
ntmentf
or
you.
Me:
ohkt
hanx.

"
Andpl easemybaby ,stayawayf r
om boys,j
ust
f
ocusony ourstudi
es,boysbringnot
hingbut
t
rouble,t
heywi ll
impregnateyouandruinyour
wholefuture"shespokeliket
hatwasnotr eal
ly
i
ntendedf orme.

"y
esmah"Isai
d
Shelookedatmet henwalkedoutandI
fol
lowedaft
erher.IwenttoNqobile'
sroom,
I
knockedoncethenletmyselfi
n.

Shewasonherbedl
ayi
ngf
aceddown.
"
Hey
"Isai
d,shedi
dn'
tmov
e.
"
Nqobi
"Ishookhersl
i
ght
ly.

"
What"shesnappedsi
tt
ingup,herey
eswer
eso
r
ed,
itsl
ikeshehadbeencryi
ng.
"whatdoyouwantf
rom me,
hav
en'
tyoudone
enough"shey
ell
ed.

Me,
:whathav
eIdone,
what
'sgoi
ngon
Shekeptqui
etandgav
emeadeadl
yst
are.

"Idon'
tknowwhat '
swrongwi t
hyou,
buti
fany
ofiti
smyf aul
tthenam sor
ry.I
fIhav
ehurty
ou
i
nanywaypl easefor
giv
eme"Isaid.

Shecl
appedherhands.
"ni
cel
ypl
ayed"shesai
d"Youknow,
youar
e
suchafi
neact
ress,
youhadmebel
i
evi
ngy
our
i
nnocentf
acef
orabit.
Youhadmelaydownmygut sabouty
out
hen
youshowedyourt
ruecol
or"sher
aved

Iwasreal
lyi
nthedark.Ihadnoideawhatshe
wasravi
ngabout.Iwaslostandconf
used

Me:
whatar
eyout
alki
ngabout

Her:i
askedy ou,no,ibeggedyounott otel
l
mom aboutmypr egnancy.Youpromisedme
youwon'ttel
l.Ir
emembery ousaying"it
syour
secr
ettotell
"whendi dthatchange
Whendidyoudeci
det
hati
twasnowy
our
secr
ett
otell
.
Shewasf uming,
hernoisedri
ppingi
nsweat,
veinspoppi
ngoutonherf or
ehead,t
her
ewasso
muchhat ei
nhereyes.Shelookedli
keshewas
readytoconsumeme
Perhapsherhat eformewasmuchst r
onger
thati
tblindedherf rom seeingthet r
uth.Just
wheni t
houghtwewer edonemendi ngt hewall
thathadst oodbet weenusev ersincei gothere.
Wewer ebackf rom thebeginning, eachwor d,
bri
ckbybr icki couldseeherput ti
ngupt hewal l
betweenusagai n.Thehat e,herInsecur i
ti
es
andherdi sgustt owardsmewasbackandf or
what,whywasshesosur ethati toldmom, i
fso,
withwhati ntenti
ons,whywoul dIt el
lmom
aboutherpr egnancy ,l
ikeIhadsai d,itwasn't
mysecr ettot ell
.

"mygoshnqobi i
feeli
nsul
tedt
haty
ouwoul
d
event
hinkofsuchaboutme.
Inevertoldyourmotheranyt
hing.Didshesayit
wasmet hattol
dher,di
dshe?.HellIdi
dn'tev
en
knowt hatsheknew"Ihadhopedmywor ds
wouldgett hr
oughthewallandgethertosee
reason.

Ireal
lytoldmom not
hingabouthersit
uati
on,
nowIknewwhyev er
ythi
ngwassosouri nthe
car.Iunderst
oodwheremom' ssadnesscame
fr
om.Buthowdi dsheknowbecauseIr eall
y
didn'
ttell
her.

"youseemeaf
ool
don'
tyou,
yout
hinkam
st
upid.
Youwer
etheonlyonewhoknewinthi
shouse,
i
fyoudi
dn'
ttel
lhert
henwhodid"sheyel
l
ed.

Me:
Idon'
tknow,
may
beshenot
icedt
he
changes.Maybeshesuspect
edyourwi
ld
crav
ings.Ir
eal
lydon'
tknowbutIdi
dn'
ttel
lher
anythi
ng.

Her:
liar
,Iknowi
tsYou,
andIpr
omi
sey
ouwi
l
l
payforthi
s.
Nowl
eav
emyr
oom y
out
rai
tor
.

"butIdi
..
..
..
"

"
Getout"shescr
eamed,
Irushedoutofher
r
oom andsheslammedthedoorbehi
ndme.

Iwalkeddownthest
air
ssolostandphased.
ShewasgonnapunishmeforacrimeIdidn'
t
evencommi t
.
Whathappenedt
oinnocentunt
ilpr
ovengui
l
ty.
Ishouldpr
ovetoherbey
ondr
easonabl
edoubt
thatIdi
dn'
ttel
lmom
Buthow? .
..
..Iknowmay beIshoul
dgetmom to
tel
lherhowsheknew.Butt henknowingNqobi
,
shewon'tbelieveme,shewil
lthi
nkmom is
fabr
icat
ingstoriesj
usttopr
otectme.
Eitherwaythemustbeawayt omakeher
reali
zethatIdi
dn'
tratherout,
tomeshewas
l
ikeasi st
erandsi
stersprot
ecteachot
her
...

***
Thatev
eningwasl ongandawkwar d,wehad
di
nnerasafamilylikeusual
butthelongfaces
werecl
earl
yvi
siblet hr
oughthespoonsand
gl
assplat
es.

Mom neversai
dawor dthroughoutt
hemeal
,
Nqobinevert
ouchedherfood.
Iwoul
doccasi
onal
l
ylaughatt
hej
okesDad
AndCebomade.Noneofuscouldlookone
anotherint
heey
es.Ourf
aceswer
eburi
edin
thedishes

"ohkthat
'si
t,whatt
hehell
isgoi
ngonhere"
dadfi
nall
ysnappedyett
hesil
encer
emained.
Nooneanswer edhi
m.

"dammitPhi
ndil
ewhatishappening,y
'al
lhad
beenqui
etsi
nceIcamebackf rom worknow
youal
lcan'
tevenlookateachother
.
What'
stheprobl
em "het
hrewhi
sspoononhi
s
pl
ate,
hisroarwasl
oudenought
obreakt
he
si
l
enceintheroom.

"youknowwhatJaden,ihadalongday,maybe
youshoul
daskyourdaughter"wi
ththatsai
d
mom hurr
iedl
ystoodupf
rom herchai
r,t
hen
exi
tedt
hekitchen.

"phindi
,phi
ndil
e"dadcal
ledout
,butal
lhis
eff
ortsmountedtonothi
ngmom hadalready
di
sappearedoutthedoor.

"Nqobi
what
'sgoi
ngon"hest
aredather
.

"youknowwhat,
Ithi
nkI'
vel
ostmyappeti
te,
am goi
ngtobed,
excuseme"sheal
sostoodup
andlef
t.

Nowonl
ythet
hreeofusr
emai
nedatt
het
abl
e.

"imicany
oupl
easet
ell
mewhat
'
sgoi
ngon"he
askedme.
IShr
uggedmyshoul
der
sandl
ookeddown.
Hest
oodupandl
eftt
heki
tchen.

"mom i ssadanddadisupset
,whatwil
l
happen.Wil
ltheyfi
ght
,wil
lmom l
eave,
willthey
chaseusout."Cebosai
dwithacr
ankyvoice.

Me: noNana,
theywon'
tfi
ght
,andt
heywi
l
lnot
chaseusoutIpromi
se.

Her
:reall
y?Ili
keither
e,Idon'
twannal
i
veon
t
hestreetsagai
n.

Me:
andy
ouwon'
tohk,
ever
ythi
ngwi
l
lbef
ine.

Shenoddedt
hencont
inuedeat
ingherf
ood.I
coul
dn'
tfi
nishmi
neany
mor
e.
SoIclearedthetabl
e,putt
hel ef
tover
sinabig
bowlthenplacediti
nthefri
dge,Iwasr eal
l
ynot
keenont hr
owingfoodaway .Iguessli
feonthe
str
eet
st aughtmeabi tt
erl
esson.

Whencebowasdoneeat ing,
Iplacedthedishes
i
nthedishwasherthenwewentt oourroom.I
wentt
ot akeaquickshowerfi
rstbef
oregoing
t
obed.
Bytheti
meIgotoutt
heshowerCeboseemed
tobefastasl
eep
Iworemynight
y,swit
chedofftheli
ghtandgot
i
nbed.Itookoutmyphoneundert hepil
low,
I
haddozensofmissedCall
sfrom Seth,
anda
goodni
ghtmessagefrom hi
m
Therewasal
soamessagefr
om Thabang
aski
nghowtheexamswerecomi
ngandt hathe
missedme
Inev
err
epl
iedanyofthei
rmessages.Ij
ust
l
oggedonmyfacebookandbrowsedthrough.

Nqobil
ehadpostedastatus"emoti
onal
ly
drai
ned,r
athert
rustast
onethantr
usti
nga
person"i
tread

Doz
ensofpeopl
ehadl
i
kedandcomment
edon
t
hestat
us.
If
eltbad,
Ifel
tli
kehermessagewasdi
rect
edat
me.
Iwantedt
ocommentbutIcouldn'
tthi
nkof
anyt
hingt
osaysoIj
ustcont
inuedscroll
i
ng.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

Thenextmor
ningIwokeupal
onei
nthehouse
CeboandNqobil
ewereatschool
Nqobi
l
ewas
wri
ti
ngherhi
stor
ypaper
Mom anddadwereatwork.Mostofthehouse
wascl
ean.Iguessmom cl
eanedbeforel
eavi
ng
Imadet
hebed,
cleanedourr
oom.

AR400wasl eftontheloungetabl
ewi t
hanote
say
ing"R250f oryourhair
,thenkeept her
est
,I
haveal
readycall
edtheJuliayourappoi
ntment
i
sat9:
h00"

Itookthemoneyandt hrewawayTheNot e,I

madecer ealatethensentSar ahamessage
thatwehadt oleav eearlyIhadanappoi ntment
atthesalon.It
ookabat h,woreal ongstrapl
ess
bluedress,i
twasst r
etchy.Iworemydar kbl
ue
gladi
atorsandals,combmyhai rthenfixedmy
face.NotthatIdidanymuchwi thit,Ij
ust
appli
edpondsandl ipgloss.
Itookmyj eanmadesl
ingbag,thr
ewi
nmy
phone,cashandthel
ipgloss.

Sarahcamearound8:30dri
vi
nghermom'scar
,
Ilockedt
hedoors,goti
nthecarandwedr
ove
tombombelamal l
.

Wegotatt
hesal
onf
ivemi
nut
esbef
oreni
ne.
Jul
i
aplai
tedmeal
ongf i
netwist
,thehai
rpi
ece
wasbl
ackwit
hgol
dishends.
Twomor el
adiesjoinedherandtheyplai
ted
faster
.Ifi
nishedaround3:00pm.Ilookedso
diff
erent
,beautif
ul di
ff
erent
.
Theladyofferedtotwi
zmybr ows,well
shedid
anexcell
entjob,sheneat
lyshapedthem ni
cel
y
wit
haney ebrowpen.

Ireal
l
yl ookedstunni
ng,
shet
ookf
ewpi
ctur
es,
I
paidthenwel ef
t.

"wowl ookatyou,t
hissuit
syousowellyou
l
ookVibrant,
girl
Ihavetocaptur
ethi
s"Sarah
tookoutherphone,shetookf
ewpict
ures.
Igav
ehermyphone,
shet
ookf
ewmor
e.
"Iam goi
ngtoshowt hi
stoSeth,Iswearhe
won'tr
ecogni
zeyou"shezoomedi nthis
beauti
ful
pict
ure,
Ireal
lyl
ookedsodiffer
enti
nit
.

Wewaitedforayaandpreshwhoar r
ived
ar
oundthreethi
rt
y.Theytoocouldn'
tkeept
hei
r
mouthshutaboutmystunningnewlook.
Theycompl
ementedme,t
ookpi
ctur
est
henwe
tookf
ewgroupsel
fi
es.

Wer eal
l
yl ookeddopeandhappy
.Wewer eso
youngwild,andfr
ee.Weboughtpopcor
nsand
stuf
fbeforeweweent eredt
heci
nema.

Wewat chedanadv entur

emov i
enamed
'
Jumanj i
'Aboutt
hiswei r
dgamingboardthat
theyfoundandplayed.Every
thi
ngthat
happenedintheboardwi l
lcometoreall
i
fe,t
he
ani
mal
sandst
uff
.
Bytheendofthegamethehouset heywer
e
pl
ayinginwasfl
oodedwithwater
,andther
e
wast hi
shugepl
antever
ywhere.

Ir
eal
lyenj
oyedthemovi
e,byt
heti
meitendedi
t
wasalr
eadylat
e.Sar
ahdr
oveushome.
Igothomearoundpastsi
x.Mom,
Nqobi
and
cebowereal
readyhome.

"Wowsi
sist
hisy
ou,
youl
ooksobeaut
if
ul"cebo
sai
d

Me:
thanky
ou

Her
:am al
sogonnapl
aitl
i
key
ou.
Me:nowaycebo,youcan'
tdoahai
rst
ylel
i
ke
mine,
wearenottwinswecan'
tbehavi
ngthe
samehai
rst
yle.

Her
:thenIwi
l
ldoi
twheny
ouundoy
our
s.

Me:
bet
tert
hen

Mom: y
oureall
yaresobeaut
iful
,youshoul
d
pl
aitmoreof
ten,i
tsui
tsyou.

Me:
thanky
ou.

Her
:isi
tpai
nful
.

Me:
abi
t,butIwi
l
lmanage.
Her
:youshouldt
ieadumpscar
fwheny
ougo
t
obed,i
twill
easethepai
n.

Nqobi
didn'
tsayaword,i
hel
pedt
hem si
nce
t
heywerebusybaki
ng.

Ar
ound7,
wecoul
dheardad'
scardr
ivi
ngi
n.

"t
heyareher
e"mom wi
pedherhandswi
tht
he
cl
othes

Isatonthechairnotknowi
ngwhattodo, i
couldn'
tbet
hril
l
edatourunknownv i
sit
ors,
besidesweweren'tr
eall
ypartoft
hefamil
ysoi
didn'
tknowhowt oact.
"weareher
e"dadcal
l
edoutast
heyent
eredt
he
door
.

"wowf inal
l
y ,
lookatthem,youGuyshave
grownsobi g,giv
encanea.Hug"mom was
fi
ll
edwithexcitement,t
heyhuggedl
aughedand
exchangedgreetings.

I
twasonlywhenmom int
roducedt
hem t
ous
t
hatIgott
oclear
lyseet
hem.
Myeyespopped,myjawsdr
opped,shocked
andsur
pri
sed.t
his,
Iwasn'
texpect
ing.

"gi
rls,
thesear
emysi
ster
'ski
ds"mom wenton
tosay.

Needl
esstosaythati
didn'
thearanywor
dshe
sai
daftert
hatl
i
ne.
#ADMI
N
[
5/8,
07:
17]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYTWENTYFOUR

#I
MINATHI

Iwasst
il
lshockedf
rom t
hisbl
astf
rom mypast
.
"hol
yshi
t!
"Hesai
dwi
thaconf
usedl
ook

"OMG, I
MI,,
,Cebo,,
,
how, what
..
?"Shescreamed,
Icoul
dn'
ttellwhethershewasexcit
edbutshe
wasdefi
nitelyshockedtoseemeher .
"
Zee"wasal
lIcoul
dsay
,mymout
hwasdr
y,i
t
f
eltl
i
keadr
eam.
Sherushedt
omewi
thherar
msopenedf
ora
hug.
"fr
iend,imi
ssedyou,
Itr
iedlooki
ngforyoubut
youwerenowheretobefound"saidsqueezi
ng
mei nti
ghtf
orahug.
Touchéi knowbutIfoundmysel
fsheddi
ng
tear
s,theyfel
lai
mlesslyasmyheadrest
edon
hershoulder.

Aft
eralongwhil
ewebr oket
hehugandi
qui
ckl
ywi pedmytear
s.
"Cebo,
unjani
sisi
,awbhekeusukhul
ekanj
ani
"
shehuggedcebobrief
ly.
Cebo:
am f
ine,
howdi
dyouguy
sknowwear
e
her
e.
"
Uhm...
whoa,
,wait
,youguysknoweachother
"
mom sai
d,cl
ear
lysurpr
isedandsowasdad
andNqobi

"Iknowt hem ncane,

theyar
emyf
ri
ends"zi
tha
responded

"were..
..
theywerey ourfr
iends,Theyuset obe
ourneighbors,t
heywer ekidsthen"sfisoadded,
helookedmor emat urednowandl esscheesy,
andzitha,well
shel ookedstunningandelegant.
Shewasonpoi nt.

Mom:wowreal
ly,
whatacoi
nci
dence,
Iguess
i
tsasmal
lworl
d.

Dad:
whatar
etheodds,
itr
eal
l
yisasmal
lwor
ld.

Zi
tha:
imi
,wow,
ist
il
lcan'
tbel
i
evei
tsy
ou.You
aresodi
ff
erentandy
ouhaveevenpl
ait
edy
our
hair
.Howdidyouguysendupher
e.

Me:
itsal
ongst
ory
.

Zi
tha:
onet hatIcan'
twai
ttohear
.Youwi
llt
ell
meallaboutit
,am sl
eepi
ngwithyout
oni
ght.

Mom:
shei
ssl
eepi
ngwi
thcebo.

Zi
tha:
fai
renoughwewi
l
lshar
e.

Sfi
so:geezzee,
giv
ethem agr
ip,am surey
ou
gonnai
nterr
ogat
ethem t
hewholenight.
Zi
tha:
jeal
ousmuch.
Sfi
so:youwish,any
wayunj
aniNqobi
le,
bakwenzeni
,eversi
ncesi
fi
kil
eyouhaven'
tsai
d
aword.

"am fi
ne,abakangenti
lut
fo,am j
ustt
ir
ed,kuni
ni
sbhaka"sherespondedwithaweaksmi l
e.

"yahyabonawenaul
i
sotj
alamiser
ious,you
baked,ahnt
wanangi
gcweleNgawe"sfi
sofist
bumpedwi t
hher.

"yeysi
bhakesonke,
yekel
akusol
ouncoma
l
omngan'wakho"mom j
oked.

"heynqobi
,goodt
oseey
ou"zi
thasai
d,t
hey
shar
edahug.
Theytookthei
rbagstot
heirr
ooms,appar
ent
ly
theyknewwheretheysl
eptwhenev
erthey
comev isi
t.
Weate,
thenspentmostoft
heeveni
ng
r
emini
sci
ngaboutoldt
imesandstuf
f.

Thatdaywewentt
obedar
ound10pm.

****

Wewereinbedwi
ththeli
ght
sout.wewer
est
il
l
t
alki
ng,
cebowasal
readyasl
eep.

"Sohowareyoual
lrel
ated"Iwasj
ustdy
ingt
o
askthi
squest
iont
heent i
reti
me.

"wel
lmymom andncanear
esi
ster
sandmy
f
atherandnqobi
'
sfat
herar
ebr
other
."Shesai
d.

Me:wow, y
ourfami
l
ytookt
hewor
dfami
l
ybond
ser
iousl
yneh.
Butyourmom andNqobi
'
smom don'
thav
eany
resembl
ance.

Her
:mom l
ooksli
keourgr
annyandncane
l
ooksl
i
kethei
raunt.

Me: ohk,
wow, i
tswei r
dhowwejustendedup
all
heretoget
her,ireal
lyhadnoi
dea,y
our
famili
eswererel
ated

Zitha:
whathappenedtoy
ouguys,IwentTothe
placeyoutol
dmey ouwerest
ayi
ngattolook
foryoubutnobodyknewyou.
Iaskedmyfathert
olookf
ory
oubuthedi
dn'
t
fi
ndanyt
hing.
I
tsl
i
keyoujustdi
sappear
edf
rom t
hef
aceof
t
heear
th.

Me:welli
tsonelongstorythatIcan'
ttal
kabout
ri
ghtnow.Butal
l Icansayisli
fewashard.We
endedupinthestreet
s,that
'swhereNqobil
e'
s
mom rescuedusf r
om.

Zi
tha:
owhmygod,
wher
edi
dyourst
epdadgo.

Me:Idon'
twannatal
kabouthim,
infactcanwe
dr
opthis,
am notr
eadytotal
kaboutity
et.

Zi
tha:
ohkt
hen,
am j
ustgl
adi
foundy
ou.
Me:
met
oo.Soy
ouar
eint
heuni
ver
sit
ynow.

Her:
yeah,
fir
sty
ear
,am doi
ngmedi
cine,
its
gr
eat.
Me:
wher
ear
eyoust
udy
ing.

Her
:wi
ts.I
tssogr
eat
.

Me:
wowam sohappyf
ory
ou

Wecont i
nuedt alki
ngunti
lIfellasleep.Iwoke
upalmostlatethenextmor ning.It ookaquick
shower,woremyuni f
orm.Icoul dn'teveneat
breakf
astijusttookanappleandbananat hen
j
oineddadandt heother
sint hecar
:
:
:
Theaccounti
ngpaperWast
hreehoursl
ong.It
waseasy.Iguessst
udyi
ngr
eall
ydidpayof.

Af
terwr
it
ingwewentt
otheshopasusual

"sowearegoingtothePen'
sdownpar
tyon
Fri
dayr
ightgi
rl
s"ayasai
d

Weallagr
eed,wewer egoingt
othepar
tyat
Tay
lor
'shouse.Sur
elyitwasgonnabeablast
Idi
dn'
twannagoatf
ir
stbutt
hegi
rl
sfor
cedme
unt
ili
agr
eed
It
oldmy
sel
fIwasn'
tgonnadr
inkt
hough

Ri
ghtt
henSet
hcamet
owar
dsus
"her
ewegoagai
n"pr
eshr
oll
edherey
es
Me:
pleasechommi
edon'
tst
artt
u.

Pr
esh:f
ineam qui
et,
Ijustdon'
tgetwhaty
ou
wantwi
thaplayer
.

Me:
duhwear
ejustf
ri
ends.

Pr
esh:
yeahIf
orgot"j
ustf
ri
ends"ne.

Me:
yeah,
justf
ri
end.Any
wayl
etmet
alkt
ohi
m.

Imethi
m hal
fway
.

"hey
,wowy
oul
ookamazi
ng"hesmi
l
ed.
Me:
thanx

Hi
m:canIt
akeapi
ctur
epl
ease

Me:
hel
pyour
sel
f

Hi
m:saycheese

Iposedandhet
ookal
otofpi
ctur
es

"am t
ir
ednow,
canwest
opshoot
ingal
ready
"I
sai
d.

Hi
m:f
ine,
howwasy
ourl
astpaper
.

Me:
notbadatal
l
.
Hi
m:sur
elyYouwi
l
lnai
li
t.
Ar
eyougoi
ngt
othepar
tyonFr
iday
.

Me:
yeah,
yoursi
sterl
i
ter
aryf
orcedmet
ogo.

Hi
m:gr
eat
,Iwon'
tbebor
edt
hen.

Wet al
kedsomemor
eunt
ilacarhonkedi
nfr
ont
ofus.
I
twasmom'
scar
,Idi
dn'
tseehercomi
ng.

"shi
t,Ihav
etogo"i
sai
dal
readywal
ki
ngaway
.

"by
e"hecal
l
edout
.
"by
egi
rl
s"Isai
dpassi
ngt
hem.

"
Bye"t
heyal
lsai
d.

WhenIgotcl osert
othecar,Icoul
dseethati
t
wasn'tmom dr i
vi
ng,i
twassfisoAtthe
passengerseatwasnqobi,
Igotattheback,
zi
thaandcebower et
her
e.

"hey
"Isai
dasIsat
.

"damngirl
,wowsoyoudi
dn'
ttel
lmethaty
ou
havesuchahunk,
whit
eandcr
eamy"zit
hasai
d.

"hei
sjustaf
ri
endzee"

Her
:Isawhowy
ouguy
swer
e,t
hati
snotaj
ust
f
ri
endsl
ook.
Anywayhei
ssohandsomeandhe'
sgott
he
body.

Me:
hay
yizeest
opi
thau.

"andhe'snotthathandsome,heisjustwhi
te,
ther
e'snot
hingcharmingaboutwhit
epeople"
sfi
sosaid.

Zi
tha:
aibof
isohe'
shot
.Uy
ababal
omf
ana.
Hi
m:nohe'
snot
,Hej
ustbul
kyt
hat
'
sal
l
.

Zi
tha:
yousoundl
i
keaj
eal
ousboy
fri
end

Hi
m: am not
,,
,ij
ustdi
dn'
tknowshewasi
nto
whi
teguys.
Zi
tha:
that
'sbecausey
oudon'
tknowher
.

Hi
m:Ido,
Ipr
act
ical
l
ywat
chedhergr
owup.

Zi
tha:
whi
chwashowl
ong.

"ohkguy
sstopalr
eady,
am notdat
ingtheguy
,
canwestopdebat
ingl
i
keam notinthecar
"

Theyf
inal
l
ykeptqui
et
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#NQOBI
LE

Isati
nt hatcari
rri
tat
edtothecoreast
heywere
busyarguingabouther.I
tsl
ikeshewasjustal
l
overeveryone'
sface.
Ihat
edthefactt
hatt
heyknewher ,
howthehel
l
didt
heyknowher.Whataretheoddst
hatshe
knewmyunclesfami
lythenendedupi
nmy
home.

Thi
sgi
rlwasupt
onogood.

Whywasev
eryguychasi
ngaf
terher
,she
wasn'
teventhatbeaut
if
ul,
herfacejustl
ooked
l
ikeahungrypeacock.
.WhatIhatednowi st
he
f
actthatsf
isoseemedtobeintoher.
Isawhowhewasl
astni
ghtwhenhesawher
.
Hel ookedl
ikehehadjustseenalonglost
crush.Hecouldn'
ttakehi
sey esofherWegot
tothemal l
theywentinsi
deandIjustdeci
ded
toremai ni
nthecar.

"mymom knowsaboutt
hepr
egnancyandshe
i
snott
aki
ngitwel
l.
Shehar dl
yspeakstome,am af
rai
dwhenshe
tel
lsmydadt heymightt
hrewmeout"Iwr
ote
thetextandsentitt
oJet.

"
Giv
ehert
ime,
shei
sst
il
lpr
ocessi
ngev
ery
thi
ng.
Andift
heydochasey
ouout
,youwi
l
lcomel
i
ve
wit
hme"hetext
edback.
"how,
youli
vewi
tht
hugs,yourli
fei
sdanger
ous,
howwil
lIl
i
vewit
hyou"Isentthetext
.

"f
ine,
ify
oudon'
tl
ikemycr
ibtheny
ouwi
l
lgo
l
iv
ewithmymother"hewr
ote.

Ical
l
edhi
m,heanswer
edont
hef
ir
str
ing

"mamasi
ta"hesai
d

Me:jet
,areyouheari
ngy
oursel
fver
ywel
l.How
coul
dy ousuggestmest
ayi
ngatyourmother
's
house.

Hi
m:what
'swrongwi
thmymot
her
'spl
ace,
its
bi
gandf
ancy,
ithasapool
.
Her:t
here'snothi
ngwrongwitht
hepl acebut
ther
e'severyt
hingwrongwit
hher.Yourmot her
dri
nksli
keaf ish,
shechangesmenlikepanties.

Him:heybi
tch,don'ty
oudar einsul
tMymother
,
thatwomanismyr ock,insul
theragai
niwi
l
l
dealwit
hyou,getthat.

Me:am noti
nsul
ti
ngher
,am j
ustst
ati
ngt
he
t
rut
h.
Besi
desyouar
etheonewhoal
way
ssay
sshei
s
adir
tydr
unk

Him:j
ahIhavet
her
ightt
oinsulther,
she'smy
ol
dladybuty
ouhav
enor i
ghttotalkdir
tyabout
her
Me:fi
nethen,butIwi
l
lnotgoliv
ewithyour
mother
.Remembershet ookyourxgftoastr
ip
cl
ub.Whatkindofamotherdoesthat

Hi
m:ohk,
youmay
bebeal
i
ttl
eri
ght
,justal
i
ttl
e.
Fi
neIwi
l
lgety
ouanapar
tment
.

Me:
whatabouty
ourbabymama.

Hi
m:whatabouther
.

Me:she'
scrazyandshefr
eaksmeout.You
knowthatshefi
ght
swithall
yourgi
rl
fr
iends.
Sheisapyscho.

Him:don'
twor
ryaboutTher
esa,
Iwi
l
ltakecar
e
ofher
.
Me:fi
net hen,
areyousti
llcomingbyl
ater
,i
needthosebraai
(ed)chi
ckenfeet.

Hi
m: Iwi
l
lbet
her
e18;
30shar
p,don'
tkeepme
wai
ti
ng.
Youwi
l
lbel
eav
ingwi
thmer
ight
.

Me:jetIcan'
t,
mymom issti
l
langryatme,I
can'
tjustsl
eepoutwi
thThi
ngssti
l
l l
i
kethi
s.

Hi
m:comeon,
Iwantt
obondwi
thmyl
aai
te,

Me:
howdoy
ouknowi
tsaboy
.

Hi
m:IknowIhav
est
rongswi
mmer
s.
Me:youdoknowthatgenderisnotabouthow
st
rongyourswi
mmersarer i
ght?

Hi
m:itdoesi
nmywor
ld,
soy
oucomi
ngwi
th
meri
ght.

Me:
Ican'
t.

Him:comeon,
tel
lyourmom youar
egoi
ngt
o
yourf
ri
end'
spl
aceorsomet
hing.

Me:
ahjet
,Igott
ago,
am i
nthecarandmy
mom i
scoming.

Idr
oppedt
hecal
lbef
orehecoul
dsayany
thi
ng
el
se.
#ADMI
N
[
5/9,
09:
54]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYTWENTYFI
VE

#I
MINATHI

MyThursdaywasj
ustf
un,i
washappy
,inf
actI
wasgl
adZi t
hawasher
e.
Sfi
soont heotherhanddidn'tst
opbeinga
nui
sanceinmyl i
fe.I
tsl
ikehewasoutt ogetme.
Healwaysdegr adedeveryt
hingIdid,hel
ooked
atmelikeIstolesomethingfrom him.

Whatsur
pri
sedmet
houghi
sthef
actt
hatas
muchasIi
rr
it
atedhi
m,hewasal
way
swher
ei
was.

Tobehonest
,it
hinkhesecr
etl
yenj
oyedmy
company
.

Wespentthewholedayl
azi
ngaroundthepool
,
thesunwasjustt
oohotsothepoolwasthe
onlypl
acetobe.
Iwasweari
ngaf l
owypi t
chdress,thatwas
abovet
heknees,Icouldn'
tbelef
twi tha
swimwearbecausesfi
sowast here.Idi
dn'
tfeel
comfor
tabl
ebeinghalfnakedinfr
ontofaguy .

"what'swrongwit
hnqobi,i
sshepr egnant"zee
whispered,
wewer eseat
ingatattheedgeof
thepool wi
thourf
eetint
hewat er
.
Sfi
sowassitt
ingonthecampingchai
rbr
owsing
thr
oughhisphone.CeboandNqobil
ewerei
n
thepool
,

Nqobiwaswear
ingaswi
mwearpant
yandi
ts
matchi
ngbr
a.

Icoughedv
iol
ent
lyaf
terhear
ingZee'
squest
ion.
Sher
eal
l
ycaughtmeofguar
d.

"whatno,
she'snot,
whydoy ouask"Isai
das
soonAsIstoppedcoughi
ng

Zee:welll
ookather,
lookathowbigandfir
m
herbreastar
e,andl
ookatthatdar
kvert
icall
ine
bel
owherbel l
ybutt
on
Me:comeont hatcoul
dbeanyt
hing,
andasf
or
herbr
eastmay beshei
saboutt
ogoonher
monthl
yperi
ods

Zee:Iknowhowpr egnancylookli
ke,
hav en'
t
younoticedherr adiantski
n,sheisgl
owi ngand
hercheeksar egettingchubbyplusIfoundher
eati
ngcor nfl
akeswi thamasi t
hismorning,she
wasactual l
yenjoyingit.

Me:ahIdon'
tknow,
Ihav
eal
way
sknownhert
o
bel
i
kethis.

Zee:
wel
lam t
ell
i
ngy
oushei
spr
egnant
.

"andwhoispregnant
"sf
isoaskedl
oudl
y,I
guesshehear
dZee.
"comeonl adi
es,
Ihear
dyousayingsomeonei
s
pregnant
,whoisi
t"hei
nsi
sted.

Zee:
geezFisoy ouar er
eall
ynosey,andyour
bi
gear sj
ustcan'thelpt
hemselvescanthey.
Youjusthadtoeav esdr
ops.
Him:welli
fyoudidn'
twantmetoheartheny
ou
shoul
dn'
thavetal
kedsoloud.Sowhoisit
.

Zeejustignoredhim,shetookaquickgl anceat
Nqobi.IGuessNqobi somehowsawZi t
ha
l
ookingather, shejumpedoutthewat er,my
mindwasst il
l di
gesti
ngeveryt
hingthatwas
happeningthatIdidn'
tseeNQOBI LEfuriousl
y
comingmyway .

Al
lIhear
dwasahotsl
aponmycheekIj
umped
i
nshock.
Il
ookedupconf
used,
anot
hersl
apf
oll
owed.

"ai
bontwana"sf
iso,
hel
dherandpul
l
edher
back.

"bitch,youjustcoul
dn'tkeepyourmout hshut
couldy ou"sheshoutedlikeal
unatic,j
umping
andt ryi
ngt ofr
eeherselffr
om sfi
so'sgr
ip.
Clearlyshewashel l
bentongivingmeabeat ing
ofmyl i
fe,hi
sfier
celookIfear
edmor ethan
anything.

Ist oodupst i
ll
rubbi
ngbothmycheeks,my
facef el
tli
keitwasonfi
re.Iwasst
il
lshocked
andsur pri
sed,i
thadn'
tsunkint
hatIgot
slapped

"nt
wanaz'
khi
phani
kant
i,whydoy
ouwanna
beather
"sf
isoasked

Nqobi
:sf
isocanyouletgoofme, l
etmegoand
l
etmeteachthi
sbit
chal esson.

Zee:ai
boNqobil
ecomedown,
arey
oucr
azy
,
whathasi
mi donet
oyou

"wenakebi ndza, ungakhulumi umdzidz'wakho

Wakhoy eva,nibusynihlelinalomngan'wakho
nihl
ebangami .Ngy atikutsiuktj
eli
lekutsi
ng'mitsi
,yahv elenginesisumanj eni
ngenaphi
ninelapho"shey ell
edf r
om t hetopofherv oice,
Iguessherr evelationcaughtsf isobysurprise
thatheloosenedhi sgr i
p
Nqobibrokefr
ee,sheshotatmeandthrewin
onehell
ofaf i
st.I
tlandedonmymouth,I
acci
dental
lybi
tmyl owerli
p,t
hepai
nIfeltmade
meloosemymind.Idi
dn'
tcar
eabouther
condi
ti
onany
more,Ij
ustwant
edtoteachhera
l
esson.

If
ir
edback,
ahotsl
apacr
ossherf
ace.
Shehel
dmybrai
dsandstar
tedpul
l
ingthem.I
wasinsomuchpai
n.Ial
sohel
dherwigand
pul
ledi
t.
Sheki
ckedmystomachstil
lpull
i
ngmybr ai
ds,
I
thr
ewinfewpunchesonherfaceandchest
.

Shepushedme,
Ilandedontheground,shegot
ontopofmebutIpushedherawayscratchi
ng
herface.
Sheki
ckedmeonmyst
omachr
epeat
edl
ywhi
l
e
It
ri
edtogetup.

"uy
adzel
elawenangwababane,
ngcol
ingcol
i
,
mom pi ckedyoufrom thegutt
er,youwere
not
hingUf ikaLanautentangatsi
ulungi
l
e,uyi
nja
yeva,
y ouar ej
ustafi
lthypi
g"sheshoutedas
shekickedme.
Ifi
nal
l
ygotup,ipushedherwi
thal
lmystrengt
h
sheal
mostlandedonthewall
butsfi
soheldher
.
Zit
hahel
dme.

"ngyekeZit
hamaan"It
ri
edt
oletgobutshe
hel
dmet ight
.

"youpushedme, y
ouwanttokil
lmybaby,you
wi
tch,sf
isoletgoofme,
Iwanttoteachhera
l
esson"shewasr avi
ngmad,Icoul
dn'
tcareany
l
ess
Myearswer
ebur
ning,
myfacefel
tli
kei
twason
f
ir
e.Andmymouthwasbl
eeding
"yey
,stopt
hisbot
hofyou,whyareyouact
ing
l
ikewil
dani
mals"sfi
sospokefi
rmly

"andIdon'tgetwhyyouaremadnqobi ,i
mi
didn'
ttel
lmeaboutyourpregnancy
,inf
actIwas
theonesuggesti
ngthatyoumightbepregnant
"Zit
hasaid

"youarenotthefi
rstonesheaccusedmeof
tel
li
ng,shethi
nksthatItol
dmom too"Ifel
t
tear
sthreat
eningmyey es.That
'
sjusthowIam.
WhenIgett
oangr
yIcr
y.

"that
'sbecausey
out
oldher,
youar
etheonl
y
onewhoknew"sheScreamed.

Me:Idi
dn'
ttel
lher
,may
beshesawt
hechanges
i
nyourbody.
Zee:itmi
ghtbe,
Ial
sosawhowy ourbr
eastar
e,
that
'swhyIwassuspect
ingy
ou.

"youboththinkam stupi
d,Iknowshet oldyou,
nowy ouarelyi
ngjusttocoverforher.This
thi
ngisasnake, shedoesn'
tbelonginthis
house,sheshouldgobackt othestreetand
conti
nuehermi ssi
onoffuckingoldermen"I
guessherlastl
inegotthebetterofme
Iyankedmyarm ofZi t
ha,tookthegl
assofjui
ce
onthetabl
e,It
hrewi tatherbutsfi
sogother
outthewaytheglasslandedont hewal
land
shatt
eredi
ntoSmal l
pieces

Sur el
ymyacti
onscaredever
yone,Nqobi
stoppedtal
ki
ng,sf
iso'
sjawswereonthefloor
,
Zithacov
eredhermouthandlookedatmewi t
h
shock
Cebostoodneart hepool
,tear
sstreameddown
hercheeks,shelookedatmewi t
hsomuchf ear
.
Mybabysi sterf
earedme.

I
tsl
i
keIwasamonst
eri
nherey
es.

Isl
owlytookfewstepsback.Everyonewas
l
ookingatmel i
keIwasthedev i
l.Theyfear
ed
me.Iwasn'tt
hinki
ng,Ir
eal
lydidn'twannado
thi
s.Idon'
tknowwhatgotintome.

Ist
artedrunni
ngbarefootasiwas.Iranoutthe
gat
edownt hestr
eetwithtear
sfal
li
ngfreel
y
makingithardformetoseewher eIwasgoing.

Iranunt
ilIhear
dcartyr
esscr
eechi
ng,myvisi
on
gotcl
earasagr eyFor
dRangerst
oppedr
ightin
f
rontofme
Icoul
dsmel
ltheawf
ulscentofbur
ningt
yres.

Amiddl
eagedwhi
temanf
uri
ousl
ygotoutof
t
hecar.

"Jesus,
youngladywhatthehel
lareyoudoi
ng.
Doy ouwantt
okilly
oursel
f"heshout
ed.

Hisf
aceal
readypal
e,Icoul
dseet
hathewas
scar
ed.

Ist
aredathim bl
ankl
y,wi
tht
ear
sst
il
lfal
l
ing.I
j
uststoodther
e,Inev
ermovedani
nch.Myfeet
hur
t.

"whati
swr
ong,
arey
ouohk"henowspoke
sof
tl
y,Icoul
dseehewasgenui
nel
yconcer
ned.

"Iwanttodie,Iam amonster
,Ideser
vetodie,
youshouldhavekil
ledme.Youshouldhave
ki
ll
edme"Ibr okedownandcried.

Themanj ustcamecl osertome,weir

dlyI
wasn'tscar
ed.Ifheabductmet hensobeit.I
f
hedecidestoHav ehiswaywi t
hmet henhecan
hel
phi msel
f.What '
stheretof
ightf
or,Iwas
al
readyausedpi eceoftrash.

"heyit
sohk,nomat t
erhowbadl i
femayseem,
noonedeservestodie.Thi
nkofallthe
great
nessyoucanachieve.Thi
nkofallthe
peopl
ey ouwil
lhur
tbydy i
ng."Hebrushedmy
back.
"deat
hisaneasywayoutforcowar
ds,
andy
ou
don'
tseem l
i
keacowardtome.
Youl
ookl
i
keast
rongy
oungl
ady"hesai
d

Me:li
feissounfai
r,nobodywi
ll
missmewhen
am gone,mysist
erlookedatmeli
keamonst
er.
ShelikesournewhomeandIthi
nkmy
presencewil
lrui
nthi
ngsf
orher.
Nooneneedsme,
Iwantt
odi
e.

"am sorrybutIcan'
tletyoudothat,Il
iveonthe
nextcorner,
am taki
ngy outomyhouse, my
wifecooked,hemakesadel ici
ousbutternut
soup,i
tmakesmebet terwheneverIfeeldown,
am sureitwil
lmakey oufeelbet
tertoo"hesaid.

Hehel
pedmeont hepassengerseat
,thengot
i
nthedri
ver
'ssi
de.
Hest
art
edthecaranddrov
e.Idi
dn'
tcar
ewhere
hewastaki
ngme.IJustdi
dn'
tcar
eaboutmy
l
if
eanymore.
Hei
ndeedtur
nedonthenextcor
ner
,hepar
ked
ont
hethi
rdhouse.

Thehousewasbeaut
if
ulAndsi
mpl
e.

"wear
eher
e"hegotoutandIal
sost
eppedout
.

"
Comet
hisway
"hel
edt
hewayandIf
oll
owed.

Hewentatt
hebackandopenedt
hedoor
.
Averyi
nvit
ingar
omahi
tmynost
ri
lsassoonas
heopenedthedoor

"Kur
t,y
ouar
ebackal
ready
"awoman'
svoi
ce
camef
rom t
hehouse

"j
ah,
Imetsomeone"hecal
l
edout
.

Ist
oodneart
het
abl
eoft
hisbeaut
if
ulki
tchen.
Il
ookedaroundandi
twassocl
eanedand
decor
atedingr
eyandwhi
te.

"owhwhoisthi
s"awhit
eladywholookedli
ke
shewasonherl
atethi
rt
iesappear
ed.Shewas
wear
ingawhi
teloosebl
owseandpant s.

"thisi
smylovel
ywif
eJeanine,babyIfound
herupthest
reet
,Ial
mostranherover"Kurt
said.

"owhmydear
,ar
eyoual
ri
ght
,di
dhehur
tyou"
shesai
dexami
ningme.

Him'rel
axshe'
sfi
ne,
Ist
oppedbef
oreIcoul
dhi
t
her.

Her
:thankGod.What
'sy
ournamedear
.

"
MyNamei
s..
."

"mom, Ican'
tfi
ndmyhai rcl
ippercanyou
borr
owmey ours"agi
rl
sv oi
ceinter
upt
edme,
it
soundedfamil
iar

"what,
Nathy
,whatareyoudoingher
e"Sar
ah
sai
dlooki
ngatmeclear
lyshocked

"y
ouknowher
"hermom asked
"uhm j
ah,
she'
smyf
ri
end,
imi
nat
hy"she
answer
ed.

H.
mom:
theei
minat
hy.

H.
dad:
theoney
oual
way
stal
kabout
.

Sar
ah:
jah,
howdi
dyougether
e,whathappened.

H.Dad:If
oundheruptheroad,
Ithi
nkshe
needst
otalk,
let
'sgi
veyousomespace.

Theybot
hlef
tus.

"gi
rl
,youl
ookl
i
keamess,
what
'
sgoi
ngonand
howdidmyf at
herf
indy
ouandwher
ear
eyour
shoes"shesai
d.

Me:ev
ery
thi
ngi
samess,
myl
i
fei
sfal
l
ingapar
t
Sar
ah.

Ibr
okedown.

"am sosorry
,don'
tcrypl
ease,l
et'
sgotomy
room "If
oll
owedherdownt hepassageoft
his
hugesimplydecor
atedhouse.
Wegotint
oherr
oom,shel
ockedthedooras
soonaswegoti
n.Wesatonherbed.

Iwi
pedmyt
ear
s.

Her
:what
'sgoi
ngon.
Me:everyt
hingi
sfal
li
ngapar
t,Imightl
oose
ever
ythi
ng.TheNkosi
smightchaseusoutt
o
thest
reetsagai
n.

Her
:why
,whatdi
dyoudo.

Me:Igotintoaf i
ghtwithNqobil
e,shejustr
ubs
meoft hewr ongway.ShethinksItol
dhermom
hersecretnowshehat esmef ori
t.
Shedespi
sesmeforsomet
hingIdi
dn'tev
endo.
Nowsheisdet
erminedt
omakemyl if
eal i
vi
ng
hel
l.
Wef oughtandIt hrewaglassather,
Iwasn'
t
eventhinking.Whatifherpar
entthi
nkIwant
ed
toki
lltheirdaughter,
whatift
heychasemeout.

"owhf
ri
endt
hisi
ssobad,
am sosor
ry"she
huggedmer
eal
tight
.

"youknowwhat,i
ftheychasey
ououty
oucan
comeliv
eher
e."Shesaid.

Me:
andy
ourpar
ent
s.

Her
:wel
ltheywi
l
lbegl
adt
ohel
p.

Me:
whataboutmysi
ster
.

Her
:shecancometoo,
nowli
ght
enup,
youst
il
l
hav
epeoplewhocar
eabouty
ou.

Me:
thanky
ousomuch.
Her
:whatar
efr
iendsf
or.

West ayedabi
tlonger,
tal
king,
whi
leshe
paint
edmynailsaftert
hatshebor
rowedmeher
sandals.
Whenweexi
tedherr
oom webumpedintoSeth
whowassi
nginghor
ri
bly
,heheadonheadset

"Nat
hy,
hey,Ididn'
tKnowy
ouwer
eher
e,when
di
dyougethere"

Sar
ah:t
hat'
sbecauseshewasn'
theref
ory
ou,
nowcanyouexcuseus,wehavetogo.

Set
h:j
ustaf
ewmi
nut
esSar
ahpl
ease.

Me:
canwet
alksomeot
hert
ime,
Ireal
l
ydo
needtogoi
tsget
ti
ngl
ate,
mypar
ent
swoul
dbe
worr
ied.

Hi
m:ohkt
hen,
itwasgoodseei
ngy
ou.
Me:
itwasgoodseei
ngy
out
oo.

Sar
ah:
let
'sgo.

Wewal
kedt
othel
ounge.

"feel
i
ngbet
ternow"hermom sai
dIj
ustnodded
yes.

"am gl
ady
ouar
efi
nenow"herdadsai
d

"Iam,
thanky
ou"Isai
d.
Them:
youar
ewel
come

"youmustv i
si
tmoreoften,Idishedupthe
soupforyou,i
tsi
nthecontainerontopoft
he
tabl
e,t
akeitwit
hyou"hermom sai d.

Me:
Iwi
l
l.Thanky
ou.

Sarah:
mom borr
owmey ourcarkey
s,Ihav
eto
drophert
oherhouse.

"i
tsontopoft
heTV,
don'tcomehomel
ate,
I
wantt
ogosomewhere"shesai
d.

Sar
ahtookt
hekeys,
itookt
hesoupandwe
exi
tedt
hehouse,
goti
nhermother
'scarand
shedr
ovemehome.

#admi
n

[
5/10,
15:
58]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYTWENTYSI
X

Igothomearound7,ever
yone,acceptf
or
Nqobil
e,wasi
nt hel
oungewatchingTV.

IWentstrai
ghtt
otheshower
,It
ookalonghot
shower.WhenIwasdoneIwearmyshotni
ght
y
dressandasil
kgown.
Iwentt
othel
ounge.
"wher
ehaveyoubeen"mom askedassoonas
It
ookaseat
.

Me:
Sar
ah'
shouse.

Her
:ohk,
,
,wehav
eal
readyat
e,y
ourf
oodi
sin
t
heoven.

Me:
ohk.

Funnyenoughshedi
dn'taskmeaboutt
hef
ight
,
Idon'
teventhi
nksheknewanyt
hing.

Iwentt
otheki
tchen,
war
medupt
hef
ood.
"howhav eyoubeen"Zi
thasai
dassheent
ered
theki
tchen.

Me:am fi
ne,whyi
smom notsay
ingany
thi
ng
aboutt
hefight
.
Zee:that
'sbecauseshedoesn'
tknow,wedi
dn'
t
tel
lherandNqobi l
elef
t30minutesago
Me:
owh.
Zee:sheisspoil
t,wehadahugeargumentaf
ter
youleft
,Ineededtoputheri
nherplace.I
thoughtshewouldhavechangedbynow.

Me:
howdoy
oumean.
Zee:shehasalwayshadanatt
it
udeagai
nst
peopl
e,shelooksdownonpeopl
eAndsheis
j
ustplai
nrude
Me:andher
eIwasthinki
ngi
twasj
ustmeshe
hadaprobl
em wi
th.

Zee:sheal
sohadhugei ssueswi
thmebef
ore,
butshechanged,
Ithoughtshehadgr
ownup

Me:Ij
ustneedtost
ayoutofherpat
h,Idon'
t
wantanytroubl
ewi
thher.

Zee:
am gl
ady
oubackandy
ouar
efi
ne.

Ij
ustsmi
l
edather
.

Zee:
any
way
,letmegobat
h.
Me:
sur
e
Shelef
t,Itookoutmyfoodandat
ejustabi
t.I
coul
dn'
tf i
nishi
tsoIwarmedupmysoup.
Isi
ppeditandi
treal
l
ytast
edsogreat.Sar
ah'
s
mom real
lydi
dmakeadelici
oussoup.

Iwashal
fwayt
hroughwhensf
isowal
kedi
n.
Hetookoutabottl
edwaterf
rom t
hef r
eezer
anddowneditatonce,
hewasleaningagainst
thef
reezer
.

"hey
,sor
ryaboutear
li
er"hef
inal
l
ysai
d.

"I
tsohk"Ir
espondedwi
thoutev
enl
ooki
ngat
hi
m.

Icoul
dfeel
hisey
espi
erci
ngt
hroughmyski
n.
"i
mi.
..
"Hepaused

"y
es"Il
i
ftedmyheadandst
aredathi
m col
dly
.

"I
..
..Am gl
ady
ouar
efi
ne"hesai
d.

"ohk"Iconti
nuedwi
thmysoup,
heSt
oodf
or
fewminutes,t
henheexi
ted.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#NARRATED

Thehearti
sthemostcompl
icat
edorgan,no
matt
erhowbadwewantt ohavecontr
oloveri
t,
i
tchoosesit
sownpath.

Li
keri
ghtnow,asmuchasSfi
sowoul
dhave
l
ovedtohatei
minat
hi,
itwasj
usti
mpossi
ble.

Hethoughthewasov erher,hethoughthe
wouldneverseeheragain.Hewasgl adthatt
he
thi
efwhohadunknowi nglystol
ehisheartwas
nowheretobef ound.
Hehadcont
rol
ofhi
sli
feacceptf
ornow,
thi
s
moment.
Hestoodleani
ngont
hefr
idgel
ooki
ngather
,
herpr
esencemadehi
m happy.
Hewant
edsobadl
ytot
ell
herhowher
eal
l
yfel
t.
Hewantedsomucht
oletheri
nonhi
sli
tt
le
secr
et.
Howwoul dshereactifsheknew,
whatwould
happenedifshel
earnedthatshewashi
sfi
rst
crush.

Hi
smi
ndr
acedbackt
owhent
heywer
eyoung.
Hewasonlythi
rt
eenthandhisbodyhadjust
st
art
edtochange.Hestart
edwitnessi
ng
over
whel
mingfeeli
ngsforher
.
Hehatedthefeeli
ng,hedidn'twantitt
obe
ther
e,howcouldHehadf eeli
ngforher,
Imean
shewasnoex t
raor
dinary
, shewasn'
tthatcut
e,
i
nfactshelookedboyishinhershothair.
Thef eel
ingscar
edhim sohethoughtt
hat
maybei fhebecomesmeanandnast ytowards
herthefeeli
ngwill
goaway ,
butitdi
dn'
t,i
nfact
hefelldeepl
yinlovewi
thher
Heremember edthetimet heycametov i
sitat
hi
shouse,seeingheront hejumpsui
tthathe
hadspeci
all
ychosef orhermadehi m happy.

Hishear
tbrokewhentheystoppedvisi
ti
ng,he
star
tedl
ookingf
orheronhisown, hetr
ied
aski
ngaroundaboutherbutnobodyknew
whereshewas.
Hef i
nal
l
ystopped,
,yearspassed.Hehadhoped
thathewoul
dstopthinki
ngaboutherbuthe
neverdi
d.

It
sonlywhenhest ar
tedv arsi
tyt
hathecould
actual
lyl
etgoofher,fortheveryfi
rstt
ime,he
couldfor
getabouther.Andmeet i
ngNelly
helpedhi
m.Hef i
nall
ymov edon.
Nell
yishiscurrentgi
rl
fr
iend,
hemetheronhis
secondyear.Theyarebothdoingmechat
roni
c
engineer
ing.Sheisagreatgi
rl
,awomanhehad
Hopedt omarry,
hehadseenaf uturewi
thher
butallt
hatchangedjustadayago.Seei
ngimi
againawakenedunwant edf
eel
ings.Hewassti
ll
crazi
lyi
nlovewithher

It
sfunnyhowhef oundhi
mselfjeal
ousand
angrywhenhesawherstandingwiththatwhit
e
guy.Sheseemedtobeinlovewithhim.But
howcouldthatbeso.Howcouldshel ove
anotherwhi
lehewassodeeplyinlovewithher

Hequi cklyzoomedoutofhi st houghts.He

staredatheroncemor e,shelookedsodi f
fer
ent
now, sogr ownandmat uresobeaut i
fuland
breathtaking.Yethecouldseet hepaint hr
ough
herbeaut y.Shewashur ti
ng,somet hi
ngwasso
wrongwi t
hher .MoreoverwhatdidNqobi mean
whenshesai dshemustgobackt othest r
eets
andcont inuesleepi
ngwi thol
dermen.
Whatr
eall
ywasgoi ngon,
whathappenedt
oher
t
hesepastyear
s..
..
hewonder
ed.

Hecall
edhernameandsheanswer edcol
dly
,
shehadnoi nt
erestorwhat
soeveri
nhim.He
badl
ywant edtoaskherwhathappenedbut
qui
etl
ydismissedhisquest
ionseei
nghowCol d
shewast owardshim
*
*
*
Heexi tedt heki
tchenandwentst rai
ghttohis
room, het hrewhimselfinbedandbr owsed
throughhi sFacebook.Hesmi leduponseeing
thatimi hadaccept edhisf
r i
endr equest
,he
wentt hroughhert i
meline,shehar dl
ypostand
i
fshedi dpost,thi
sSethdudekeptcomment ing
andl i
kingev ery
thi
ngshepost ed.
"he'
sreallynotthathandsome"hesai dthat
outli
keaftercli
ckinghistongue,
hefound
himselfannoyedatt hi
s.Hehatedthefactthat
ther
ewasaguygi v i
ngattent
iontoher
.

Hewentthr
oughherpi
ctures,savedafew, he
neededt
ohavethem.Heneededt obeableto
l
ookatheri
neachandev erybreathehetook.

Howcanthisbepossi
ble,
isitr
eal
lynormalto
l
ovesohardli
kethi
s.Whyherthough,hecoul
d
hav
elov
edmi ll
i
ongirl
soutther
e,whydidit
hav
etobeher.

Hestaredatherforawhi
le,"i
wi shyoucoul d
knowhowIf eel
,Istar
eatyoufrom adistance,
wishi
ngIcouldholdyoui
nmyar ms,Ipretend
t
ohateyouyetdeepi
nsi
deICan'
tevenbreat
he,
y
ouaresuff
ocati
ngme"heki
ssedherthr
ough
t
hephone.

Hedr eadedandfel
tstupi
dforhiscowardi
ce,
coulditbesohardifhehadjusttol
dherhowhe
fel
t.Whoknowsmay beshewouldhave
acceptedhispr
oposal.

Hekeptgazingatt
hepi
ctur
eswit
hmor
ewhat
i
fsandmay bestr
aci
ngt
hroughhi
smi
nd
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#NQOBI
LE

Ifi
xmylegsandl
ist
enedtoj
etwhokept
runni
nghi
sfi
nger
sthroughmyweave.
Mybodywasstil
lsore,
myf
acehadscr
atches
f
rom t
hefi
ghtearl
ier
.

"ineedt oteachthatrubberneckalesson, how

couldsheput sherfil
thyfi
ngersony ou,lookat
whatshedi dtoy ourprett
yface,whatifshe
hurtmyki nd"hespokei nthosecolouredsf unny
ascent.Icouldseehewasf umingwi t
hanger .
Theaxactr eact
ionIneeded.
"Idon'tevenknowwhymymom t ookthem i
n,I
didnothingtoher,shebeatmej ustbecausei
refusedtoborr
owhermycl othes,shekept
kicki
ngmyst omach, it
houghtIwasgonna
l
ooseourbaby ."Icri
ed,wellwit
hhowgoodI
Was, ineededtotakeacti
ngasmycar eer.

"doy oust
il
lfeel
thosepai
nsi
nyourt
ummy
"he
asked.

Me:justabit
,Ithinkt
heywerecont
ract
ions,i
f
Sf
isowasn'ttheretostopt
hatgi
rl
,Iwouldhave
l
ostourbaby.

Ibr
ushedmyt
ummy
.

"y
ouknowwhat
,getupIhav
esomecal
l
sto
make
Wher
eist
hatgi
rl
"her
oar
ed

Me:shewasgonewhenIl ef
tthehouse,
Idon'
t
knowwheresheisbutsurel
yshewil
lbeatthe
Pen'
sdownpartytomorr
ow.
I
twouldbeatTay
lor
'spl
ace,
int
hesout
htown
houses.
Hegotup,
tookhi
sphoneandcarkey
s.

"wher
ear
eyougoi
ng"Isatup
Him:Ihav
etoseet
heboy
s,Iwi
l
lbebacki
nan
hour
.

Me:
whatar
eyougonnado
Him:
rel
ax,Ijustneedtosor
toutsomethings,
somepeopleneedt ol
earnt
hatyoucan'
tmess
wi
thmypr
oper
ty.

Me:
jetwai
t.
..

Hehadalr
eadyex i
tedthedoor,
Iwaslef
t
pani
cki
ng,Ipacedaroundthehouse.
Iknewhowirr
ational
jetcanbe.Whati
fhegoes
onakil
li
ngspree.
YesIhat
edi
minat
hibutIdi
dn'
twantherdead.
Ican'
tAf
for
dtohav
eherbl
oodonmyhands.

GodwhathaveIdone,
Idi
dn'
twantt
his,
yesI
want
edhergonebutnotl
i
kethi
s.

Itookmyphoneanddi
all
edjet
'snumber,i
tran
answered,
Ical
l
edafewtimeswiththesame
resul
ts.
Isendhi
m amessage.

"pleasedon'
tdoanyt
hingt
hatyoumightr
egret
,
i
twasj ustasi
ll
yfi
ght
,don'
thur
ther
"Isentthe
text.

Isatdown,r
epeat
edl
yst
ompedmyl
eftl
egon
thefl
oor.

"Ihav
et odosomet
hing,
"It
ookmyphoneagain
anddial
l
edi mi
'
snumberanditr
angst
rai
ghtt
o
voi
cemail.

Iwant
edtol
eav
eamessagebutIdi
dn'
tknow
whatt
osay.
Itr
iedj
et'
snumberagai
nandst
il
lrang
unanswer
ed

"
Dammi
t"It
hrewt
hephoneont
het
hecouch.

May beIshoul
dgohome,Iwentt othedoor
tr
iedtoopenitandi
twaslocked.Thekeywas
notin,t
hebackdoorwasalsolocked.
Icoul
dn'
tgetout
,thewi
ndowshadpr
oof
sso
thewasnowayout .

Iswi
tchedoft
heTV,
wentt
obedhopi
ngf
ort
he
best

Idon'
tknowwhenIf el
lasl
eepbutIwokeup
whensomeonet urnedontheli
ght,Ilookatthe
ti
meandi twasaround00:30am,jetstoodat
thedoor
,hiswhi
teT- shi
rtwascoveredinblood.
"omgwhathappened,whathaveyoudone"I
satupl
ooki
ngathim wit
hpleadi
ngeyes.

Hej
ustcl
osedt
hedoorandt
ookof
fhi
sT-
shi
rt
.

"owhj ettel
lmeyoudi
dn'tdoit
,pl
easet
ell
me
youdidn'tdoany
thi
ngstupid"myeyeswere
alr
eadyt ear
y

Hecameov er,
hel
dmycheekwithhi
sri
ght
hand,
hekissedmyli
pssof
tl
y,i
couldsmel
lthe
bl
oodfrom hi
sski
n.

"gobackt osleepmamasi ta,Ineedabath"he

whisper
ed,hisey essocold,withthatsai
dhe
di
sappearedint hebathr
oom
Isatt
her
eli
keast
atue,
Icr
iedsi
l
ent
ly.
Whathav
eIdone.
..
..
.

#admi
n
[
5/12,
17:
25]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYTWENTYSEVEN

#NQOBI
LE.

Fewminuteslat
er,
jetcameoutoftheshower
.I
wassti
l
lsitt
ingontheexactsamespotwit
hmy
mouthhanging.
"yousti
l
lup,
IthoughtIt
oldyout
ogobackto
sl
eep"heunt
iedthetowel
,l
oti
onhisbody
,
Ishi
fteduncomfor
tabl
y,i
twasnoteasyseei
ng
him par
adingar
oundnakedwit
hhisbigcock
j
iggl
ingintheai
r.
.
..
wel
lher
eal
l
ywasgi
ft
eddownt
her
e..
..

"mamasit
aam talki
ngtoyou,
"hecli
mbedthe
bedst
il
lnaked,
Ireal
lywasn'
tpayi
ngatt
ent
ion
tomuchofwhathesaid.
Mymindwasstil
ldi
gest
ingt
hef
actt
hatIcoul
d
beamurder
er.

"youmissedme"hest
artedbrushingmybreast
,
ishi
ft
eduncomfor
tabl
y,hetr
iedkissingme,I
l
ookedaway .

"what
sup"hegav
emeashar
plook.
"I
..
..
whatdi
dyoudot
oher"myv
oicewasso
l
owandhoarse

Hi
m:who.
..

Me:wher
edi
dyougowheny oul
efthereand
whydi
dyoucomebackcov
eredi
nbl ood.

Hi
m: Idi
dnothi
ngohk,Ihadafal
loutwit
h
Fr
eddy,ourar
gumentgotphysi
calThat
'
swhyI
wassobloody.

Me:
afal
lout
,whatwasi
tabout
.

Hi
m:j
ustaguy
sthi
ng.
Me:butyoudon'
tseem hur
t,sowasal
lthat
bl
oodFreddi
e'
s

Iwassoshocktosaythel
east
,wasFreddiest
il
l
al
iv
e,howcouldhebeathi
sownfri
endintoa
pul
p.
Fr
eddiewashi
sRighthandman,
hewas
Cynt
hia'
sst
eadyboyf
ri
end.

"wefought
,fr
iendsfi
ghtoncei
nawhi
l
e,now
canweleavet
his"heyel
led.

Me:
fine,
abouti
minat
hi,
leav
eheral
one.

Hest
aredatmel
i
keIwascr
azy
.

"f
ine"heanswer
edcasual
l
y.
Me:am ser
iousj
et,shemighthavehurtmebut
Idon'
twantyoutobeather.Ij
ustl
etherbe,
I
don'
twantherfi
l
thybloodinmyhands.

"youreal
l
yhaveagoodhear
tyouknow"he
smashedhisl
i
psonmine.

Thekissgotsoi
ntense,
het
ookof
fmyv
estand
pant
y.
St
art
edsucki
ngonmybr
east
.
Hewasabi
trough,
hehasal
way
sbeenl
i
ket
his.

Weweresti
ll
losti
ntheheatoft
heMoment
whenaknocksoundedonthedoor
.

"
Jet
hroekweetj
yisdaar
,maakhi
edi
edeur
oop"aloudlady'
svoi
cecal
l
edout
,shehi
tthe
doorharder
,jetj
umpedl
eavi
ngmehangi
ngon
thebed

"whatt
hefuck.
..
"Iremar
kedashequi
ckl
ywor
e
hi
sboxerandvest
.

"wherethef
uckar
eyougoi
ngandwhoi
sthat
"I
satup.

"here,
qui
ckl
ygetdr
essed"het
hrewmy
cl
othesatme.

"what'sgoi
ngon,Iam notget
ti
ngdressedunt
il
youtellmewhoisthatandwhat'
sgoing"i
remainedint
hebed.
"i
tsResa,
youhavetogetdr
essednow"he
dr
aggedmeoffthebed.

Me:r
esa,
asi
nTher
esay
ourpsy
chobaby
mama.

Hi
m:don'
tcal
lherpsy
cho.
..
.Getdr
essednow.

Me:
why
,wher
eam Igoi
ng.

Him:totheguest
room,andi
fyouknowwhats
goodforyou,youwil
lremai
nther
eunti
lshe
l
eaves.

Me:
why
..
.It
houghty
ousai
dyouguy
sbr
okeup.

Hi
m:st
opwi
tht
hef
uckenquest
ions.Of
fyougo.
Hetookmyclothes,bagandshoesthenheld
myarm anddraggedmet otheguestroom
whi
chwasont heotherendofthehouse.
Hepushedmei nandthrewi
nmycl
othest
hen
cl
osedthedoorandlockedi
t.

"j
et.
.Jet
hroopent
hisf
uckendoor"Iscr
eamed
hi
tt
ingonthedoor

"heykeepqui etorIwi
ll
shutyouup"heroar ed
ontheot hersi
deofthedoor,
Iknewbet t
erthan
toscream, j
etdoesn'
tmakeemptythreats.SoI
keptquiet
Ther
oom wascol
danddust
y

It
hrewmy
sel
fint
hesi
ngl
ebed.
If
eltt
ear
sthr
eat
eningmyeyes,
wasthi
sthe
manIwasgonnahaveachi
l
dwi t
h.
,
,
Icoul
dhearhi
m openi
ngt
hedoorf
orher

"whydi
dyoutakesolong,wherei
sshe,
wher
e
thef
ucki
sshe"Ther
esay el
led.

Jet
:who,
whoar
eyout
alki
ngabout
.

Resa:t
hegi
rly
ouwerewi t
h,Iknowyouwere
wit
hsomecheapsl
ut,Icansmel l
hercheap
perf
ume.
Wher
ethehel
li
sshe.
Jet
:ther
e'snoonehere,Iwaswi
thFreddi
eand
hi
sgirl
,they
'vej
ustl
eftminut
esago.Nowcan
wegoupst
airsandst
opmaki
ngnoi
se,
youwi
l
l
waket
heneighbor
s.
Resa:
fine,
butj
ustknowthatIam notafool,I
knowyousneakherouti
nthebackdoor .Iwil
l
fi
ndoutwhosheis,andwhenIdoIwi l
lkil
lthe
bit
ch,
youknowmeJet hr
o,I
Don'
tshar
emymanwi
thskanks

Shewasr
eal,
Imeanasghet
toast
heycome.
Shewasl
oud.

Ipeekedf
rom t
hekey
hol
eandIcoul
dn'
tseea
thi
ng

"waitami nute,
may beyouhidherinthe
guestr
oom "Ialmostpeedmy sel
ftheminut
e
shesaidthat.Ifr
ozeonthatdoorsilent
ly
prayi
ngtoGodnott oletthatpsychocomein
her
e

"comeon,youknowIlostt
hekeysofthatr
oom,
i
thasn'
tbeenopenedinmonths,
canwegot o
myroom al
ready
,Imissyou.
"Jetsai
d

Idon'
tknowwhathappenednextbutIcould
hearhergiggli
ngnaught
il
yast
hei
rfootst
eps
fadedint
ot hebedr
oom.
,
,
Iletoutahugesi gh,yetIfel
tmyhear t
suffocati
ng,Icouldn'
thelpbutthinkaboutt
he
factthattheyweregonnahav esex
Jetwasgonnasl
eepwi
thherwhi
l
eIwasi
nthe
nextr
oom
Godwhatkindofl
i
fei
sthi
s,whatdi
dIget
mysel
fint
o.

Isatonthef
loorandt
ear
sst
reameddownmy
cheeks.
WasthishowIwasgonnar ai
semybaby .Witha
thugwhohadnorespectorwhatsoeverf
orme.
Ihadreal
l
ymessedupmyl ifethi
sti
mear ound.
,
,
,

around2am ipi
ckedupmysor
ryassfrom the
fl
oor,cl
imbedinbedandt
ri
edf
all
ingasleepbut
Ifai
led.
Ist
ay edawakeunt
ilIcoul
dseeabr
ightl
i
ght
shi
ningfrom t
hewindow.
Isatup,l
ookedatmyselfont
hetinymir
roron
thewall
.Il
ookedter
ri
ble,myeyeswereswoll
en,
hell
mywhol efacel
ookedfat
.

Iwassti
ll
standi
ngther
ewhensomeone
unl
ockedthedoor.
I
twasjet,
helookedal
lcleanandfr
eshenupi
n
ator
njeanandalongsleeveshi
rt
,

TheMomentheopenedt hedoorIwalked
passedhi
m headedstr
aightt
otheguest
bathr
oom andshutt
hedoorbehindme.

Ihadnot
hingtosayt
ohim.Ij
ustneededt
o
fr
eshenupthengohome.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

#I
MINATHI

Iwokeupar ound8:00am,Zithawasalready
hal
fwaythroughwi t
hthecl
eaning,Ihel
pedher.
Mom walkedinwhi l
eIhadjustfi
nished
moppingthekitchenfl
oor
.
Shewasbusyi
nherphone.

"mor
ningmah"

Her:
owhmorni
ng,
Idi
dn'
tEv
enseet
hatt
hewas
someonei
nher
e.

Ismi
l
ed.

SheCont
inuedbr
owsi
ngt
hroughherphone
l
ooki
ngabitdown.
Iwantedtoaskherwhatwaswr ongbutI
thoughti
twouldbedi
srespect
fulofmetopoke
i
nherbusiness.

Ri
ghtt
henZeecamei
n.
Her
:ncane.

Mom:
mor
ningZi
tha,

Her
:ni
l
elenj
ankodwa.
Mom:
eishnotf
ine,
Her
:why
,isany
thi
ngwr
ong.
Mom: babel
omncanewakhol eftf
orworklast
ni
ght,hehada10pm shif
t,healwayscall
s
wheneverhegetstoworktoletmeknowt hat
hearr
ivedsafel
ybutl
astnighthedidn'
tcal
l.
Ikeepcal
l
inghi
snumberbuti
tsof
f

Shewasgenui
nel
ywor
ri
ed,
icoul
dseef
rom her
face.

Zee:
am sur
ehei
sfi
ne,
may
behi
sbat
ter
yis
dr
ained.

Mom:yahmay be,
butheshoul
dbebackbynow,
hi
sshi
ftendsat6am nowit
s8:30am.

Me:
may
behei
sonhi
sway
,
Mom: comeonimi
,youknowitdoesn'
ttake
even30minut
estodri
vefr
om hi
swor kpl
aceto
here
GodknowsIwoul
dn'
tsur
viv
eifsomet
hing'
happenst
ohi
m.

Shesl
owl
ysl
i
desdownandsatont
hechai
r.
Shepr
essedherphoneagai
n,andatt
emptedt
o
cal
lhi
m buthi
sphonewasstil
lunav
ail
abl
e.
Shet
ossedt
hephoneont
het
abl
e.
If
eltbadf
orher
.

"
Don'
tst
ressncane,am sur
ehegothel
dupat
wor
k"Zi
thareassur
edher.

Iboil
edwat
erandmadest
rongcr
eamycof
fee
forher

"her
e,t
hiswill
makeyoufeelbett
er"Ipl
acet
he
cuponthetabl
einf
rontofher.

"t
hankyoudear,
youarethebest"shef
akeda
smil
etr
yingt
olookfi
ne.
Shet
ookasi
p

"mmht
hisi
stast
y"shesai
d.
Iwasabouttoanswerwhenherphoneal
ert
ed
anincomingmessage.Shequi
ckl
ytooki
tand
readthemessage.

Shel
etoutahugesi
ghaf
terr
eadi
ngthe
message,
shehadasmil
eonherf
ace.

Zee:
goodnews.

Mom: yeahitsJaden,
hesayshehasalotof
worktodo,sohewoul dbehomelat
e,andyou
ar
eright,hi
sbatter
ywasdrai
ned.

Me:
thankGod.

Zee:
tol
dyouhei
sfi
ne.
Herfacel
i
tup,
shecont
inueddr
inki
ngt
he
cof
feewit
hasmil
e.

Ifi
gur
edthi
swast
heri
ghtt
imetoaskf
or
permi
ssi
ontogot
othepar
ty.

"y
ousobeaut
if
ult
odaymom"Isai
d.

Mom:
ahaReal
l
y,whatdoy
ouwanti
mi.

Me:
not
hing,
am j
ustcompl
i
ment
ingy
ou.

Mom: Iwasn'
tbor
nyest
erdaydear
,Iknowall
aboutthesey
ounggi
rl
stri
cks.Whatdoyou
want.

Me:
fine,
yougotme,
wel
l
...
sincewear
edone
wri
ti
ng,ourcl
assmat
eisthrowingapart
yforus
t
ocelebrat
e,Iwaswonder
ingifIcango.

"Iknewit
,wouldther
ebeboys,
boozeand
drugsi
nthatpart
y"shesai
d.

Me:wel
l,t
herewill
beboy sandbooze,
Idon'
t
knowaboutdrugs,butIpr
omiseIwon'
tdri
nk.

Mom:
mmmh,
,
,,
,
arey
ousur
e.

Me:yesmom Iwon'ttouchal
cohol
,canIgo
pl
ease,Iwi
llbesaf
e,am goi
ngwithSarah,
pr
eciousandAyanda.

Shekeptqui
etf
orawhi
l
e..
..
.
"fi
nethenyoucango,
butIwantyouhome
befor
emidnightar
ewecl
ear"shesai
d

"yes,
,,
thankyou,
,
,youar
ethebest
"Ij
umpedi
n
exci
tement.

Zee:
nowwegot
taf
indy
ouanout
fi
t

Mom:
noshor
ts.

Zee:don'tworr
yncane,
Ihav
etheeper
fect
dressforher.

Me:
Ihopei
tsnotshor
t.

Zee:
come,
letmegoshowy
ou.
Wer
ushedt
oherr
oom.
Sheopenedherbag,t
ookoutaverybeaut
if
ul
r
eddress,i
twasav-neck,
andhuggedmeabi t
t
ight
.Itst
oodj
ustabitabovemyknees.
Shegav
emear
edandbl
ackmat
chi
nghandbag.

"waitIhav
ej ustathingt
ogowit
hthi
s"she
tookoutanude, notsohi
ghheel
,i
twasblack
andgold.I
tlookedsoperfect
.

Me:thi
sissoBeaut
if
ul,
Ifeel
li
keam goi
ngt
oa
dat
e.

Zee:
wel
li
sMrhandsomegonnabet
her
e.

Me:
who.
Zee:
tal
l
,whi
teandhel
l
asexyguy
.

Me:
Set
h,hei
sjustmyf
ri
end.

Zee:
yeahIf
orgot
,yout
woar
e"j
ustf
ri
ends"

Me:
wear
e.

Zee:
finet
hen,
buti
shegonnabet
her
e.

Me:
Ithi
nkso.

Zee:
wel
lthen,
thi
sist
heeper
fectout
fi
t.
AndIwi
l
lst
yley
ourbr
aidsl
ater
.
Me:
ncooh,
youar
etoomuch.

Zee:
Iwanty
out
ohav
eaper
fectni
ght
.

Me:
thanks.

Igav
eheral
ongwar
m hug.
:
:
:
:
Ar
ound17:
00Itookabat
h,zeehadalr
eady
st
yledmyt
wisti
ntoaMohawkkindabun.
I
tlookedsoper
fect
,andIgl
owedev
enmor
e.
Af
terbat
hingIwor
emyout
fi
t.
Zeeappl
i
edmakeUponmyf
ace.
"
TA-
DA"shesai
dwithadr
amat
icpose,
maki
ng
mef
acethemir
ror
.

Il
ookedsogor
geous.

"wow,
Ilooksobeaut
if
ul"Isai
d.

Zee:
Itol
dyout
hatIwasgonnat
ransf
ormy
ou.

Me:
yougood,
youshoul
dbeamake-
upar
ti
st.

Zee:
Iwant
edt
obutmydadrefused,hesaidhe
won'
twast
emoneyonsomeuselesscourse.

Me:
am sor
ry.
Zee:
ahi
tsohk,
youknowhowupt
ightmydadi
s.

Ri
ghtt
henSar
ahpar
kedout
side.

Me:
got
tago,
myr
idei
sher
e.

Zee:
fewphot
osf
ir
st.

Wewentt
othev
eranda,
tookf
ewpi
ctur
es.
All
alongSfisowasstandi
ngbythedoorst
ari
ng
atmel i
kehehadjustseenaghostor
something.

"wow,
lookaty
ou"mom sai
d.
Ij
ustsmi
l
edather
.

"heySar
ah"shecal
l
edout
.

"hi
MrsNkosi
"Sar
ahsai
d.

Me:
seey
ouguy
slat
er.
..
.

Ir
ushedt
othegat
e.

"yougir
lsdon'
thav
etoomuchf
unohk"mom
cal
ledout.

"wewon'
t"Ir
espondedget
ti
ngi
ntot
hecar
.

"wow,
your
eal
l
ylooksogood"Sar
ahsai
d.
Me:
thanksgi
rl
.

Shest
art
edt
hecar
..
..

#admi
n
[
5/13,
08:
36]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYTWENTYEI
GHT

#NARRATED

Beaut
yisi
ntheey
eoft
hebehol
der
,theysay
.

Sf
isokeptst
ari
ngati
mi,
shel
ookedl
i
kean
angel
.
Hefel
thi
sstomachfl
utt
er,
hehadneverfel
t
t
hiswaynotevenwhenhewaslooki
ngatNell
y,
t
hisonl
yhappenswit
hher.
Themostbeaut
if
ulgi
rlhehadeverseen.Hefel
t
sadseei
ngherl
eavi
ngthehouselooki
ngthis
hot
.
..
..
lovecanbeanut terbit
chatti
mes...He
thoughttohimselfashewat chhergi
ggli
ngal l
thewayt oherfri
end'scar.Heswall
owedhar d
knowingv er
ywellthattherewasnoneedf or
himtocont rol
hisheartbecausei
thaddeci ded
togiveit
selfuptoher.
Hewantedtofol
l
owher
,makesur
enoone
comescloset
oher.
"am loosingi
t"hethoughttohimsel
f ,
hehated
thi
sridehisheartwastaking.Deepdownhef el
t
l
ikethislovewasgonnal eavehismindwarped
andhissoul i
npieces.
"she'sgoneyoucanst
oopdr
ooli
ng"thatwas
zit
haprobabl
yrubbi
ngiti
nhi
sfacet
hathewas
takenbyherbeaut
y.

Hi
m:mxm l
Wasn'
tdr
ool
i
ng.

Zee:
yeahri
ght
,youhav
ebeenst
ari
ngatherl
i
ke
ahungr
yli
on.

Hi
m:Iwasn'
t,
youar
ecr
azy
.

Zee:
damny oucan'
tev
endenyi
t,y
ouar
esuch
abadli
ar.
OwhmyGod,
whydi
dn'
tiseet
his.

Hi
m:seewhat
.
Zee:youloveherdon'
tyou,
youpret
endto
disl
i
kehersot haty
oucanhidehowy our
eal
l
y
feelabouther
.

Hi
m: what,
youreal
l
yar einsane,
there'
snoway
am i
nlovewit
himi,sheisnotmyt ype.

Zee:omg,yourey
es,it
sinyourey
es,
theyl
i
tup
whenevery
oucallhername.

Hi
m:It
hinkIshoul
djustl
etyoube,
youar
e
t
aki
ngt
oomuchofmybr ai
nspace.

Zee:l
ookatyou,
blushi
ngandal
l
.Youshoul
d
tel
lherFi
so.
LawdIcan'
tbel
i
evei
t,mybr
otherandmybest
f
ri
end.
Yout
wowi
l
lmakeacut
ecoupl
e.

Hi
m:zeeam noti
nlovewit
hyourfr
iend,
Ihave
agi
rl
fr
iendwhom Il
ove,
Nell
yrememberher.

Zee:yeahyoul
oveNell
ybutyouar
ecomplet
ely
i
nlov
ewi thi
mi.Idi
dn'
tseet
hiscoming.

Shel
aughedmuchtoSfiso'
sir
ri
tat
ion,
heleft
hert
her
e,hef
eltsoAshamedandembar r
assed.
Hewentt
ohi
sroom andl
ockedhi
msel
fin.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

#I
MINATHI

wegotatTayl
or'
splaceandi
twaspacked.We
gotoutoft
hecar.
Preshanday
awereweari
ngjeanshor
tswhi l
e
Sarahwaswear
ingabl
ueshortki
nkydress.We
al
l l
ookli
t
Weent
eredt
hehouseandf
oraf
ewmi
nut
esal
l
ey
eswereonus
"thi
sway"ay
aledtheway,
shewentt
othe
tabl
eatt
hecorner
,ther
ewasal
lki
ndsofbooze
ther
e

"y
oushouldtr
ythi
sladi
es"Tayl
orhandedus
gl
assesofsomebl
ushypinkdr
ink

"uhm.Idon'
tdr
ink,
don'
tyouhav
ejui
ce"Isai
d.

Ay
a:comeon,
thi
sisacockt
ail
,i
tsgr
eat
,tr
yit
.
Me:
itst
il
lhasal
cohol
ini
tdoesn'
ti
t.

Ay
a:wel
li
tdoes,
butj
ustonegl
asspl
easegi
rl
.

Me:
fine,
justonegl
ass.
Ay
a:t
hat
'smygi
rl
.

Weal
ltookt
hegl
assesandmadeat
oast
.

"t
othegr
eat
esty
earev
er"wecheer
ed.
Thendr
ank.
Thi
swasr
eal
l
ynott
hatbad.I
ttast
edsogr
eat
.

Idr
ankital
landwhenmyglasswasempt
y
Tayl
orshowedusthemi
nibar.
AguyTher
ewasser
vingt
hedr
inks.

"twomorecocktai
l
splease"Sarahsai
d.The
guywassohot,hehaddreadlocksandagol
d
toot
h.
Hef
lashedawi
desmi
l
e
"Ladi
es,l
ooki
nggr
eat
,IbetIcanguessy
our
names"hesai
d

Me:
noway

Him:i
guessy
ouareDaisyyourbeaut
yisofa
fl
ower
(hepoi
ntasSarah)andyouumhprett
y,
youl
ooksopr
ett
y,Il
i
key oursmil
e(hepoint
ed
atme).

"notev
encl
osepr
ett
yboy
"Sar
ahr
emar
ked.

Hi
m:owhr
eal
l
y,am usual
l
yam goodatt
his.

Sar
ah:well
am Sar
ahandt
hisi
smyf
ri
end
i
minat
hi.
Him:butmynamessui t
edyoubet
ter
nonet
heless,
itsapl
easuret
omeetyoul
adi
es.
Mynamei sFr
eddi
e,sohowdoy
oul
i
key
our
cockt
ail
s.

Me:
wel
lIdon'
tknow,
justsweetanddr
inkabl
e.

"f
ir
stt
imedr
inki
ng"hesmi
l
ed.

Me:
yeah.

Hi
m:Ihav
esomet
hingspeci
alf
ory
ou.

Hestar
tedmixi
ngandshaki
ngt
hings.Icoul
dn'
t
seewhatwasgoingon.
Thenhefi
nal
l
ypour
edi
nourgl
asses,
heputi
n
st
raws.

"t
ryt
his"hegav
eust
hedr
inks

Itookonesi
pandIwasTaken,
thi
stast
edli
ke
heaven,her
eal
l
yknewwhathewasdoing.

Me:
thi
sisgr
eat
,itt
ast
esosweet
.

Sar
ah:
itsl
i
kenot
hingIev
ert
ast
edbef
ore.

"am f
lat
ter
ed,Icandomor
eforyouifyouwant
l
adi
es"heheldmyhandandbrushedit
.
"y
ourhandi
ssosof
t"hesai
d

"whatthehelli
sgoi
ngonher
e,Fr
eddi
ewhat
aredoi
ngwi t
hher"al
adyy
ell
ed,y
anki
nghi
s
handoffmine

Il
ookedupandIcoul
dclear
lyr
ecogni
zedher
,it
wasoneofNqobi
le'
sfri
end.

Fr
eddi
e:st
opitCynt
hia,
Iam atwor
k,cany
ou
l
etmeworkinpeace.

Cynt
hia:
work,
youar
efl
i
rti
ngwi
thgi
rl
sandy
ou
cal
li
twork

Fr
eddie:
owhgreat,
canwej ustenj
oytheparty
wi
thoutyouy
ell
ingandact
inglikeanobsessed
bi
tch.

Cy
nthi
a:sonowam anobsessedbi
tch

"youknowwhat ,wehavet
ogobackt oour
fri
ends,Fr
eddie,t
hanxf
ort
hedrinks"Isai
dnot
wantingtospendfewmoreminutesli
steni
ngt
o
them tear
ingateachot
her
'st
hroats

"nopl
easeladi
esdon'
tgoyet
"hecal
l
edoutbut
wehadalr
eadywalkedAway
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#NQOBI
LE.

Igothomear
ound7pm,
Itookabat
handwent
toeat.
Mom di
dn'
ttal
ktome,
Ithoughti
twasf
ort
he
best
.
I
tsbet
tershedoesn'
ttal
ktomet
hanscol
ding
meli
keam ali
ttl
ekid.

I
twasaround8:
30pm iwasfixi
ngmyself
pr
epar
ingtogotoTay
lor'
s.Iwasgonnadri
ve
mom'scarsoIwasonthepassagetr
yingt
o
perf
ectt
hespeechIwasgonnagi
vetomom.
Theywereal
lwatchi
ngTV,dadwasst
il
lnoty
et
back.

Iwasgoi
ngoverthespeechi
nmyhead.Whena
l
oudknockdi
stur
bedme.

"Igoti
t"Iy
ell
ed.

Iwentt
oopenandt
wopol
i
cemanst
oodatt
he
door
.

"goodeveni
ngma'am,
isthi
stheNkosi
resi
dent
"oneoft
heoff
icer
ssaid.

Me:
yesi
tis,
howcanIhel
pyouof
fi
cer
s.
"am of
ficerNdl
ovuandt
hisisoffi
cemnisi
,we
woul
dliketotal
ktoMrsnkosi"hesai
d.

"of
'coz.
..
.mom!
..
..
mom i
tsf
ory
ou"Ical
l
edout

Ist
il
lst
oodt
her
e,mymom came.

"whoi
sit
"sheaskedbef
orer
eachi
ngt
hedoor
.

Me:
pol
i
ce.

Her
:pol
i
ce,
inmyhouseatThi
shour

Shef
inal
l
yreachedt
hedoor

"ev
eni
ngof
fi
cer
s,t
owhatdoweowet
hisv
isi
t"
shesai
d.

"uhm Mr
sNkosi
,phi
ndi
l
eNkosi
right
"ndl
ovu
sai
d.

Mymom nodded.

"am of
fi
cerndl
ovuandt
hisisof
ficermni
si,
we
aref
rom t
hembombelapoli
cestati
on.
"

Mom:
howcanIhel
pyouof
fi
cer
s.

Ndl
ovu:am afr
aidwehavesomebadnews,
whenlastdi
dyouseeyourhusband.

Mom:l
astni
ght
,hehadalat
eshi
ft
,thenhe
t
ext
edthi
smorni
ngsayi
nghehadtoworklat
e
t
oday
.

Ndl
ovu:well
wefoundy ourhusband'
sbodyt
his
morni
ng,hewasstabbedtodeath.

Mom:
whatnooo!No.

Sf
isoandZi
thar
ushedt
othedoor
.

Mom:wher
e,i
tcan'
tbehi
m,hesai
dhewasat
wor
k.

Ndlovu:wefoundhi
scarunderabridget hi
s
morning,hewasonthepassengerseat,col
d,he
hadlostsomuchblood.wef oundhim dead.

"hay
yi.
..
.No!
"Zi
thascr
eamedi
nshock.
Ist
oodther
e,shocked,l
i
keIwasi
nadeep
sl
umberandIwasdr eaming.

"
wef oundhi
sphoneandli
cencei
nthecari
ts
whatledust
oyou"mnisi
Said

Ndl
ovu:youhav
etocomedownt
othest
ati
on
t
oident
if
ythebody

"nooo,
owhnkos'
yam"mymom wai
l
ed,
shel
eft
,
wentst
rai
ghtt
oherr
oom

"t
hanky
ouof
fi
cer
s"sf
isosai
d

Theoffi
cer
slef
t,af
terhecl
osedthedoorIj
ust
brokedownandcri
edf r
om t
hetopofmyv oi
ce
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#I
MINATHI

Onourwayt
oay
aandpr
eshwebumpedi
nto
Set
h.

"hey
,"hehel
dmyhand.
Me:
Set
h,hi

Helookedsoberandhesmel
l
edf
resh,
itsl
i
ke
hehadjustcamein.

"y
oul
ookbeaut
if
ult
oni
ght"hewhi
sper
ed.

"t
hanky
ou"

Sarah:
arey
ouohk,
Ineedt
ogot
othel
adi
es
room.

Me:
am f
ine,
youcango.

Sher
ushedofl
eav
ingmewi
thSet
h
"
Sowhatar
eyoudr
inki
ng"heasked

Me:don'
tknowmuchaboutal cohol,
Ihav
e
dr
anktwoglassesofcockt
ail
ssof ar.

Set
h:l
etmegety
ousomet
hingt
hen.

Me:
fine,
butsomet
hingsweet
.
Set
h:Iwi
l
l

Wewalkedt
othebarhandi
nhand.Heor
der
ed
t
hedr
inks

"her
e,y
ouwi
l
lli
ket
his"hehandedmeaci
der
.
Me:
what
'
sthi
s.

Hi
m:r
edsquar
e,i
tsgood,
Letmeopeni
tfory
ou.

Heopenedi
tthenhandedi
tbackt
ome.
It
ookasip,
andhewasright
,itwassweet
,
maybet
oosweet,
butIconti
nueddri
nki
ngit.

Sar
ahcamebackfrom thet
oil
et,
shewentt
osi
t
wit
hpreshandAy
a.Istoodbythest
air
swit
h
Set
h.

"sowhenar
eyoul
eav
ingf
orpt
a"Ij
usthadt
o
ask.

Hi
m:Januar
yaf
termyr
esul
tst
oregi
ster
Me:
soy
ouhav
eal
readyappl
i
ed.
Hi
m:y
es.
Me:
Isee,
sowhatar
eyougonnast
udy
.
Hi
m:pi
l
ot.
Me:
wow,
soy
ouwannaf
lyar
oundt
hewor
ld.
Hi
m:y
es,
ithasal
way
sbeenmydr
eam.
Me:
itsni
cet
oseesomeonewhohasambi
ti
on
Hi
m: makeyourpassi
onacar
eerr
ight
,sowhat
doyouwannastudy.
Me;Idon'
tknowy
et,
Ihav
en'
tthoughtaboutt
he
f
uture.
Hi
m:whynot
.
Me:
IguessIam st
il
lhol
dingonmypast
.
Hi
m:butsur
elyt
her
e'swassomethi
ngyou
want
edtobewhenyouwereyounger
.
Me:Il
ovedsingi
ng,f
atherusedt
osayIwi
l
lbea
l
egendar
ysingeroneday.
Hi
m:soy
oucansi
ng.

Me:don'
tknowany
mor
e,Ihav
en'
tsangi
na
l
ongtime.

Ri
ghtthenmyphoner
ang,
Zit
ha'
snamef
lashed
onthescreen.

"Ihav
et ot
aket
his'
Iwentout
side,
that
'
sthe
onl
yplacet
hatwasnott
oonoisy

"i
mi,y
ouhavetocomehomei mmediat
ely"t
hat
wasSfi
so'
svoi
ce,hedi
dn'
tsoundf
ineatall
.

Me:
whywhat
'sup.

Hi
m:i
tsur
gent
,pl
easecomehomenow.
Me:
k,am onmyway
.

Af
terdr
oppi
ngthecallIwentbacki
nsi
de,Seth
wasnotwher
eIlef
thim.Ay awasbusyki
ssing
wi
thTayl
oronthecouch.

"ay
awher
e'sSar
ah"It
appedhershoul
der
.

Her
:Idon'
tknow,shel
eftwit
hpr
esh,
theysai
d
t
heyweregonnagetsomethi
ngt
oeat.
What
'swr
ong.

Me:
not
hing.

Iwal
kedaway
,It
riedcal
li
ngt
hem butbot
hthei
r
number
swentst
raightt
ovoi
cemail
.
Iwasst
andi
ngbyt
hedoorl
ostl
i
keapuppy
.

"heyareyouohk"Il
ookupandi
twasFr
eddi
e
fr
om thebar

Me:jah,
no.
.am wai
ti
ngf
ormyf
ri
ends,
Ineedt
o
gethomenow.

Hi
m:why
,what
'
swr
ong.

Me:Idon'
tknow,
Irecei
vedacal
ltel
l
ingmet
o
comehome

Hi
m:soy
oudon'
thav
ear
ide

Me:no,
iCamewit
hmyfri
end'scar
,andthey
sai
dshewentt
obuysomet
hingtoeat.
Hi
m:t
hat
'sbad.

Me:
thei
rphonesar
enotev
engoi
ngt
hrough.

Hi
m:Icangi
vey
ouar
idei
fyoudon'
tmi
nd.
Me:noIdon'
twannabot
hery
ou,
besi
desy
ou
st
il
lwor
king.
Hi
m:myshi
fti
sov
er.

Il
ookovert
hebarandt
her
ewassomeoneel
se
ser
vingt
hedri
nks.

"
Iwasal
readyleav
ingsoIdon'
tmi
nddr
oppi
ng
y
ouoff
"hesaid.
Ihesit
ated.Andtheal
coholwasst
art
ingt
okick
i
n, Iwasfeel
ingabitwhi
zzyandmykneesfel
ta
bitwobbly.

"wher
e'sy
ourgi
rl
fr
iend"Iasked.
Hi
m:Cy
nthi
a,she'
sint
hecar
,let
'sgo.

Istoodforfewminutesbef
oreIfoll
owedhimt o
hiscar.Hewasdriv
ingaredMer cedes,Idon'
t
knowwhi chmodelwasitbecauseam notthat
goodwi thcar
s.

Cynthi
awasi nt
hepassengerseatsl
eepi
ng.I
gotattheback.
Fr
eddi
est
art
edt
hecarandwedr
oveof
f.
..

#admi
n
[
5/14,
13:
55]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYTWENTYNI
NE

#I
MINATHI

I
nthecarIcoul
dbarel
ykeepmyey
esopened,
t
heyweresoheavy.

"ar
eyouohkbackther
e"Fr
eddi
esai
dlooki
ngat
methr
oughtherev
iewme.

Me:
i.
..
I.
..
.myheadi
ssoheav
y,If
eel
sodi
zzy
.

Hi
m:i
tmustbet
heal
cohol
.
Me:
isi
tsupposet
ofeel
thi
sway
.

Hi
m:may
bei
tsbecausei
tsy
ourf
ir
stt
ime.

Hef
lashedasmi
l
e.

Me:
what
'
sfunny
.

Him:not
hing,
youlookmorei
nnocentt
hanwhat
Iwastol
d,iminat
hiNkosi
,

Me:whatyouweret
old,
howdoy
ouknowmy
sur
name,whoareyou.

Hi
m:r
elax,
li
keIt
oldy
oumynamei
sFr
eddi
e
"youaregoi
ngthewrongway,Ist
ayin
downtown,i
nthesubur
bs"isaidashetooka
tur
ntothemainroodwhichwasgoingoutof
nel
sprui
t.

"stopthecar,
stopthecarpl
ease"Iwasnow
screaming,
yetevery
thi
ngseemedt obe
happeningi
nasl owmotion.

"sav
ey ourener
gywoul
dyou,
youwi
l
lneedi
t"
hecarel
essl
ysaid.

"pleaseletmego,whatdoy ouwantwi thme,

am justanobody,anor phan,IdidNothi
ng
wrongandIhav enothingt ooffery
ou"Icould
feelmybodyfail
ing,Iwasdr i
fti
ngof ft
osleep
"pl
ease,pl
easel
etmego.
..
"Arethel
astwor
dsI
sai
dbeforei
twasli
ght
soutforme

*
.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#SETH

Iopenedmyey
es,
myheadwassoheav
yand
pai
nful.
Il
ookedaroundandIwassurr
oundedbyt
rees,I
wasleani
ngonabigtree,
Iscr
atchedmyhead
tr
yingt
orememberwhathappened.
Thelastthi
ngi rememberwasgoi ngtotakea
l
eakout si
de,Iwasnearthefencepissi
ngwhen
Ifel
taheav yblowonmyhead, Ilandedonthe
ground,someonel i
ft
edmeup, Icouldseethe
l
ongdr eadl
ockshangingfr
om hisback,Ionly
gottoseehi m cl
earl
ywhenhepl acedmeunder
thetree.
I
twast
hebar
tender
.

"whatt
hef
uck.
..
..
."Imumbl
ed

"stayhere,
Ican'tl
etyouruinourpl
ans,don'
t
worrywewi l
ltakegoodcareofyourgir
lf
ri
end"
hesaid,Iwasabouttoaskwhohewast alki
ng
aboutbuthethrewinahar dpunchthat
knockedmeoutcompl et
ely
.
.
.
Istoodup,
wipedmybl
oodyNose,Icouldhear
theloudmusi
ccomi
ngfrom uphi
ll
,ist
umbled
makingmywaybacktothepart
y.
At
leastIwasnott
hatf
ar.

Ifi
nall
yreachedt hehouse,every
onewas
l
ookingatme, probablystar
ingatmybloody
faceandstainedT-shir
t.Iwenttomycar, t
ook
outmyJer seyandwor eittohidethest
ains,I
thenheadedt othebathroom andwashedmy
face.

Il
ookedalotbet
terevent
houghmycheekwas
abitswol
l
enandr eddi
sh.

Iwentbackt
othepar
ty,
Isear
chedf
ori
miand
mysi
sterev
ery
wher
ebutIcoul
dn'
tfi
ndt
hem.

Isawoneofthei
rfr
iendmaki
ngoutwi
thTay
lor
onthecouch,
iwenttothem.

"heywher
e'sSar
ah"It
appedherback.

"mmmhwhat
?"shest
aredatmedr
unkand
outofi
t.

Me:
wher
eismysi
sterandi
mi.

Her:
owh,
thel
astt
imeIsawyoursi
stersheand
pr
eshwer
egoi
ngtobuysomethi
ngtoeat.
Andt henimicameher
elooki
ngforthem,
Ilast
sawhert al
kingt
osomeguywi t
hlong
dreadlocks
Me:
what
,wher
edi
dshegowi
tht
heguy
.

Her:
what,j
eal
ousmuch,Don'
twor
ryhe'
snot
hert
ype(shebur
pedloudl
y)

Me:am notj
eal
ousIjustwannaknowwher
e
t
heywent,shemightbeindanger
.

Her:
howwoul dIknowwheretheywent,
i di
dn'
t
f
oll
owt hem,
relaxnotal
lbl
ackguysarethugs
youknow.

Iwasr
eal
l
yloosi
ngi
t.

"Tay
lorman,
yourbar
manwhatwashedr
ivi
ng"
Tay
:ar
edMer
cedes

Me:
wher
edoeshest
ay

Tay:Idon'
tknow,Al
exorgani
zedhi
m.Yousur
e
youwannast ar
tafi
ghtwit
hhim ov
eragi
rl
though.
Am sur
ethatgi
rll
eftonherownwi
l
l.

"mxm youguysjustdon'
tgeti
t"Irushedout
thehouse,
tookoutmyphoneandcal ledi
mibut
herphonerangunanswer
ed.Icall
edSarahand
herphonewasoff.

Igoti
nmycaranddrov
eout
,Idon'
tev
enknow
whereIwasgoi
ng,
Iwasthr
eemi
lesawayfrom Tayl
or'
shouse,
whenIsawmymother'
scarparkednearthe
road.

Itwasquitebusyhere,
itsal
mostclosetothe
shisanyamacornerandahuget ar
ven.
,,
,why
woul dSarahl
eavethecarhere,
someonecan
stealit
.

Iparkedbehindi
tandgotOut
,Iwentcl
osert
o
thecar,i
tseemsli
kesomeonewasinsi
de.
Iwenttot hedriv
er'
swindow,wipeditand
peekedthr ough,
bothSarahandpreciouswere
i
nt hecar.Theyseemedt obeinadeepsl umber.

It
ri
edt
oopent
hedoorbuti
twasl
ocked.
Iknockedont
hewi
ndowacount
lesst
imes.
Iwasev
enconsi
der
ingbr
eaki
ngt
hewi
ndow
whenSar
ahst
art
edmov
ing.

"Sarah,
Sarah"iknockedoncemor
e,shefinal
l
y
openedhereyes,rubbedt
hem abi
tbefor
e
l
ookingatthewindow.

Shequi
ckl
yuponedt
hedooruponseei
ngt
hati
t
wasme.

"omg,whatar
eyoudoingher
e,wher
ear
ewe"
shesai
dopeni
ngthedoor.

Me:neart
heshisany
ama,
whyar
eyouguy
s
sl
eepi
nghere.

Sarah:
Idon'
tknow,
Idon'
tev
enknowhowwe
gothere.
Thelastthi
ngIrememberwasussuggesti
ngto
goandbuyf oodbutwewenttothetoi
l
etfir
st,
thetoi
letwasempty,ir
emembermyv i
sion
gett
ingblur
rybutisawsomeoneinj
ect
ing
somethingonpresh'
sneck.

Igotdi
zzyt
hencol
lapsed,If
eltsomeonel
i
fti
ng
meup,hepushedMei nthecar,idon'
t
remembermuchaf
t ert
hat.

"omg,
arey
ouohk"i
touchedher
.

Her
:If
eel
fine,
justabi
tdi
zzybutam f
ine.

Me:
isy
ourf
ri
endf
ine,

Iwentt
otheot
hersi
det
ouchedher
,shewas
st
il
lwar
m andherhear
twasst
il
lbeat
ing.

Her
:issheohk

Me:
yest
her
e'sapul
se,
shei
sjustout
.

Her
:wer
ewedr
ugged.

Me:
Ithi
nkso,
Ikeptcal
l
ingy
oubuty
ourphone
i
soff
.

Shesearchedforherbaganditwasinthe
backseat
,sheopenedi tandt
herewasno
phoneinsi
de,herpursewasalsogone.
WesearchedforherFr
iend'
sphoneandi
twas
al
sonotther
e
"shi
t,
,
,,
,wegotr
obbed"shescr
eamedi
npani
c.

Me:
cal
m down,
Atl
eastt
heydi
dn'
thur
tyou.

Her
:whathappenedt
oyourf
ace.

Me:Igotat
tackedbyt
hebar
tender
,It
hinkhe
t
ookimi.

Her
:what
!Why
.

Me:Idon'
tknow,buti
tsobvi
oushegotusout
oft
hepartytogeti
mialone.

Her
:butay
awast
her
e.
Me:yeahbutsheistoodr
unktoact
ual
l
ypay
anyatt
ent
ion,she'
sbusymaki
ngoutwi
thTay
lor

Her:dammi t
,Ithi
nkIknowhowIgotdr ugged,
thatguyserveduscocktai
l
s,Iwasal r
eady
druggedwhenwewentt othetoi
letand
preci
ousdidn'tdr
inkt
hecocktail
that'
swhyhe
i
njectedher.
Owhl
awd,
whatdoeshewantwi
thi
mi.

Me:
Ihav
enoi
dea,
butIhav
etof
indher
.

Her
:di
dyoucal
lher
.

Me:
yes,
she'
snotpi
cki
ngup.

Her
:wehav
etodosomet
hing,
whati
fthey
har
m her
,orwor
seki
l
lher
.

Me:iwi
l
ldr
iveouttot
hemai
nroadandy
ou
guy
sdri
vedowntown.
Got
oherhouse,
may
beshewenthome.
Ar
eyougonnabeohkt
odr
ive.

Shenodded.

"besafe"Iwal
kedbackt
omycar
,rev
ersedand
tookt
henextcorner
.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#NARRATED.

"I
sshesti
llnotansweri
ng"Zi
thaaskedSfiso
whokeptcall
ingimi'
sphonethatkeptr
inging
unanswer
ed

Zee:
wher
ecoul
dshebe,
didy
out
ell
hert
oget
homequi
ckl
y

"of
cozIdid,whatdoyouthi
nk,maybesheis
j
usthav
ingtoomuchf untodropev
eryt
hingand
comehere"hesnapped.
Zee:
youdon'
thav
etocutmyheadof
f.

Sf
iso:
am sor
ry,
am justShockedandconf
used,
whocoul
dhavekil
l
edhi m.
Baboncanewasagoodman,heal
way smakes
j
okes.Helovedl
aughi
ng.Hedi
dn'
tdeser
veto
di
e.

Hethrewhimselfonthecouch,Zi
thawipedher
tear
s.Nqobiwassitt
ingsi
lent
lyonthesingl
e
couch,shewasdrownedawayshecoul dn'
t
hearawor dofwhattheyweresayi
ng
Hermi ndwasmi l
esaway.Shewasjust
physi
callypr
esent.Hermom hadst
il
ll
ocked
Hersefinherroom
They'
vet
ri
edtal
ki
ngt
oherbutshehadaskedt
o
belef
tal
one.
"may beweshouldcallmom anddad,y
ouknow,
tel
lthem whathappened"Zi
thafi
nal
ly
suggestedwit
habr okenvoi
ce.

Sfiso:
Idon'
tthi
nkit
sourcal
ltomake,wewon't
evenknowwhatt osay
.It
hinkncanewil
lcal
l
them.

Thentherewasalongawkwardsi
l
ence,
pai
n
andsorrowroamedthewhol
ehouse.

Sfiso'smindsolostint
houghts,hewasbroken
byt hisbadnewsbutcouldn'
talsoshakethe
feelingthatsomet
hingwaswr ongwithi
mi .

.
..
maybeheshoul
ddr
ivet
othepar
tyt
olookf
or
her
..
..
het
hought
.
ButThenhecoul
dn'
tl
eav
ethehousei
nsuch
st
ate.

"pl
easecomehome,
somethinghashappened"
hewrot
eamessageandsentitt
oher.

Hehopedi
miwi
l
lseei
tandcomehome.
Thr
oughthatupset
ti
ngsi
l
enceNqobi
l
ebr
oke
downint
oahowl .

"no,
,
,,
,nohecan'
tbedead,t
hehavetobea
mist
ake,Daddyisst
il
lal
i
ve,he'
sst
il
loutt
her
e"
shescreamed.

Shecri
edpainf
ull
y,sf
isoandZi
thatr
iedcalming
herdowneventhoughtheywer
ealsointears.
"pl
easetel
lmehe'
snotdead,papapl
easedon't
l
eaveme"hervoi
cewasbrokenint
othousands
pi
eces.

Shebrokeint
oahowl ,
shewantedt
hepai
nto
end,shewantedthi
stobeali
e,adr
eadf
ul
dream t
hatsheistr
appedi
n.

"Papa.
..
..
papapleasecomeback"shewept,so
painf
ull
ythathervoi
cewasdisappear
ing.

Shefel
tli
ghtheaded,t
heroom st
art
edt
ospi
n.
Hereyestur
nedclearwhi
te.

"no.
.Nqobi
l
e,Nqobi
l
e"Zi
thashookher
.
Butshewasf
adi
ng

"nqobibreat
he,
takeadeepbr
eat
he"sf
iso
i
nstruct
ed.

Losti
smuchl ikelove,i
tBri
ngsustoget
her
,
Nqobil
e'
smot her,eventhr
oughherhear
tbr
eak
shecouldhearthatsomethingwaswrongwit
h
herdaught
er
Event
houghshehadwr ongedher
,shecoul
dn'
t
l
ooseher
,sherushedouttheroom
Nqobil
ewasal
readyont
hef
loor
,Zi
thawas
bl
owingai
rtoher
Sf
isowasst
il
ltr
yingt
ogethert
obr
eat
h.

"owhmnf t
wanami"sheknel
tdownbesi
deher
,
fel
therpul
se,
itwasweak
"sfi
sogetmesomei ceandatowel,
Zithaget
mewat eruwafakeshukel
a"shesai
d,theybot
h
stoodup,sheplacedherheadonherlaps

"nqobipl
easebreath.Br
eat
hmyangel
,Iknow
thi
sispai
nfulbutyouhavetol
ett
hepai
nin,
accepti
t
Breat
he,doitf
orthi
sinnocentbabyy
ouar
e
carr
ying"shepl
eadedwithher

Sf
isocamebackwi ththei
ceandtowel
,Mrs
Nkosiputthei
ceinsi
dethetowel
thenpl
acedi
t
onNqobile'
shead

"
Breat
he,letthepainin"shedi
rect
ed,
slowl
y
Nqobi
le'
sey esret
urnedtonormal.
Zi
thacamebackwi
tht
hewat
er.Shehandedt
he
gl
asstoher
.

"sfi
sohel
pmesitherup"
sheLift
edherand
sfi
sohel
pedher
.Theysatherup.

Shetookthegl
assofwat
erandt
ri
edt
ogether
todr
inkthewater
.

Af
terawhi
l
eNqobi
l
ewasmuchbet
ter
.
Tear
srol
l
eddownhercheeks.

"shhhh,
pleasedon'
tcry
,youhavetobestr
ong
fort
hebaby,"hermot
hersai
dbrushingher
.

"am sor
rymama,
am sosor
ry"shecr
ied.
Her:i
tsohk,Ihavefor
giv
eny
ou,
wewi
l
lget
t
hroughthistoget
her.

Theyhel
deachot
heri
ntoawar
mlonghug.
..
..
MrsNkosiweptsi
lentl
y,shewishedshecoul
d
t
akethepainawayfrom herdaughter
.

#admi
n
[
5/14,
17:
12]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYTHI
RTY

#I
MINATHI

If
eltawar
mli
qui
donmyf
ace,
Iqui
ckl
yopened
myeyesonl
ytof
indat
all
sli
m guypi
ssi
ngon
me.

Ij
umpedandgaspedf
orai
r.

"andshe'
sawake,It
oldyoushewi
l
lwakeup"
hehadafunnyNiger
ianascent
.

"wheream I.
..
.pl
easetakemehome, Iwantt
o
gohome"i qui
cklysatup,i
tlooksl
i
keIwasin
anoldrust
yshack.Itsmell
edsobad.
I
twasjustdir
tyandcrampy.Itwasempt
y
t
hough,i
tlookedli
keanoldtuckshop

Il
eanedontherustyment
al,swal
lowedhar
das
agroupofguysstoodi
nfrontofme
Theywer
eaboutsi
xoft
hem,
theywer
e
smokingweed,
itssmel
lpol
l
utedt
heent
ir
e
shack

Icoughedpr
ofusel
y.

"
She'
ssobeaut
if
ul"ascar
redf
acedguy
r
emarked.

"toomuch,caval
amathangasaan,aiJoe
muhleyena"anot
herbl
ackshortchubbyguy
answer
ed.

"Ican'
twaitt
otast
eheral
ready"acol
ored
goodlooki
ngguysaid.

TheNigeri
anguyblewmeakiss.Al
lal
ong
Freddywasatthecor
nerbr
owsingt
hroughmy
phone

Theot
herTwocol
ouredguyswerebusysnif
fi
ng
whatl
ookedl
i
kecocaineontheot
hercorner

"please.
.pl
easedon'
tki
l
lme,Iwanttogohome"
tearsgavein,
myv oi
cewasal
readybreaki
ng.I
thi
nkdeepdownIknewwhatwast ohappen.

Iwassoscar
ed,andhel
pless.Mykneeswere
weakandmyheadwaslight.Mybodyfel
tit
chy.
Myshoesweregone.
Myl
egssodi
rt
y.

Theycont
inuedtal
ki
ngandlaughi
ng,
theynev
er
pai
danyattent
iontomycri
es
ImanagedtostandandIrantothecloseddoor
butsomeoneheldmytwist,
hepulledmeback
thenahotsl
aplandedonmyf ace.

"bi
tch,
wheret
hehell
doyouthi
nkyouare
goi
ng",
itwast
hescarr
edf
acedguy
, t
heycal
l
ed
hi
m Joe

Hetri
ppedmeandIl
andedont
hegr
ound
hi
tt
inghardwi
thmyl
eftar
m

Icr
iedsol
oud,
myf
acewasbur
ning,

"
Hel
p!.
.hel
p!"Iscr
eamed.
"comeonsweetyscr
eam outl
oud,noonecan
hearyou,
weareint
hemiddleofnowher
e"the
fatguymockedme.
"hel
p,pl
easesomebodyhelpme"Iconti
nued
scr
eaming.Icr
iedandbeggedThem t
oletme
go.

"Freddi
epleasedon'
tdothi
s,hel
pme"i knel
tin
fr
ontofhim,theguysl
ookedathim,hegaveme
adisgust
inglookt
henspatonmyf ace,
the
othersl
aughedouthard.

"sy
akj
wayel
asf
ebewenaFred"oneoft
he
col
our
edswhowassni
ff
ingcokesai
d.

Freddiejustcl
ickedhi
stonguet
hentookouthi
s
phone, hepresseditt
henputi
tonl
oudspeaker
asitrang.
Someoneanswer
edont
heot
herendoft
hel
i
ne.
"y
ahmaf
red"hesai
d.

Fr
eddi
e:j
ahboss,
wegother
,am wi
tht
heboy
s.

Call
er:
good,
dowhatIt
oldy
out
odot
henl
et
hergo.

Fr
eddi
e:sur
eboss.

Hehungup.

"boy
s,st
ri
pher
,thenholdherdown,Iwantt
o
st
art
"hesai
daf
terdroppingt
hecall
.
Heunt
iedhi
sbel
tandIcr
iedev
enmor
e.
Notagai
n,t
hiscannotbehappeni
ngagai
n.
Twoofthem hel
dmer
oughl
yandt
earof
fmy
dr
ess,

"no,
nopl
ease,
letmego"Icr
iedi
nagony
.

Theyst
ri
ppedmenaked,
theykeptsl
appi
ngme
tel
l
ingmetost
opcryi
ng.

Threeofthem l
aidmeonthef
loor
,theyhel
dme
ti
ght,Pi
nnedmeagainstt
hegr
ound.

Fr
eddi
ecameont
opofme.

"no.
..
.no.
..
.st
op..
..
pleasest
op"Iwai
l
edf
rom
thet
opofmyv oi
ce.

Hel
edouthi
stongue,
li
ckedmyf
ace,
then
for
cef
ull
ykissedme,
Ibi
thi
slowerl
i
p,sohar
d
hepunchedmynose.

"bit
ch"hepat tedmylegsgotbet weent hem,
roughlyinser t
edhisdr
yindexfingerinmy
vagina.Iscr eamedinpain.Hefingerfuckedme
forawhi le,secret
edahandf ul
amountofsal i
va
thenappl ieditinmyholeasal ubri
cant.

Icr
iedmylungsoutasheshov
edhi
sbi
gpeni
s
i
nmyv agi
na

Hepushedharder,
thenst
artedgr
indi
ng
moani
nginpleasurewhi
leidiedi
npain.

HePoundedandmov
edr
oughl
yont
opofme
"damnshe'sgood,
sot
ightandgood"hespoke
i
npleasur
e

"cedababa,ngy
afaLana"Joepoi
ntedathi
s
al
readyhar
dpenis.
Hi
swasevenbi
ggert
hanFr
eddi
e'
s,Iwasi
nhel
l
wi
thnowayout
.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#Nqobi
l
e.
Wewer esti
lli
nthelounge,mymom had
alr
eadycall
edafewpeopl eincludi
ngzi
tha'
s
parent
s,shetol
dthem whathadHappened,
theyweregonnacomeher et hefol
lowi
ngday.

Aknockcameinthedoor,weall
remainedqui
et
f
orawhile,
theknocksoundedagai
n,sfi
sowent
t
oopen.
Hecamebackwi
thi
mi'
sfr
iendswhol
ooked
t
err
ibl
e.

"
Goodeveni
ng"t
heygr
eet
ed,
sfi
soof
fer
edt
hem
aseat
.

Theybot
hsatandl
ookedar
oundt
hel
ounge.
"uhm,
,
,,
Sar
ah,
whyareyouguy
sher
e,wher
eis
i
mi"mymom asked.

Theybot
hkeptqui
et.

Mom:
what
'sgoi
ngon,
wher
e'smydaught
er.

Mom nowshout
edabi
t.

"well
,uhm,somethi
nghappenedatt
hepart
y,
somethingbad"Sar
ahsai
d,shecl
ear
lyl
ooked
scar
ed.

"yes,whathappened"mom hadonaser
ious
face.

Sar
ah:
Ibel
i
evewegotdr
uggedandsomeone
mi
ghthav
eabduct
edNat
hy

"what
..
.whatt
hehel
lar
eyousay
ing"mom was
i
nshock.

Sf
iso:
whathappened,
whot
ooki
mi.

Zee:
whyt
akeher
,whatdot
heywantwi
thher
.

Sar
ah:Idon'
tknow,aguynamedFreddi
etook
her
,hewasabar t
enderatt
hepar
ty.

Ij
umpedatt
hement
ionofFr
eddi
e'
sname.
Butmaybet
heywer
enotTal
ki
ngaboutt
he
Fr
eddi
eIknow.
"whoisFreddi
e,whatdoeshewantwi
thi
mi"
sf
isoasked.

Sarah:Idon'
tknowhi m,hehasdreadl
ocks,
I'
ve
neverseenhim beforeandam pr
ettysur
eimi
doesn'
tknowhi m eit
her.

Mom: sot heguyjustdeci

dedtot akemy
daughterandleaveallofyou.
..
..
.Iwantmy
daughter,
ifanyt
hinghappenstoher ,y
ouwon'
t
l
ikewhatIwi l
ldotoy ou.

Wit
hthatsai
dmom t
ookherphonet
henexi
ted
t
heroom.

Sarah:Idon'
tknowwhytheytookher
,my
brotheri
soutther
elooki
ngforher
.
"t
henwealsoshoul
dgol
ookf
orher
,let
'sgo"
sf
isosai
d.

"
Am comi
ngwi
th"Zi
thasai
d.

Theyallst
oodupandexi t
edthehouse,Iguess
i
tsagoodt hingt
hatcebowasasleepbecause
awhi l
elat
ermom alsotookhercarkeysand
l
eft.Shesaidshewasgoingtothepoli
ce.

Isatt
her
est i
l
lshockedatthefactt
hatthey
sai
dtheFreddiet
hattookherhaddreadlocks.

Itookmyphoneanddial
l
edj et
'snumber
,he
answeredont
hesecondring.

"mamasi
ta,
arey
ouohknow"heAnswer
edi
na
sl
eepyt
one.

Me:
noam notohkj
et.
.

Hi
m:am sor
ryabouty
ourdad,
shoul
dIcome
ov
er.

Ihadcal
l
edearl
i
erandtol
dhim aboutmydad,
hewasgenui
nel
yshockedandfel
tbadforme

Me:noj
et,
youpr
omi
sedt
ost
ayawayf
rom i
mi
r
ight

Hi
m:j
ahIdi
dandIam st
ayi
ngaway

Me:
thenwher
eisFr
eddi
e.
Him:howshouldIknow, Ihadaf i
ghtwithhi
m
andIhaven'
tseenhim sincethen.Whyareyou
aski
ngmeaboutFr eddie,ar
ey oufucki
nghim
now

Me: f
uckno, i
mii
smi ssingandtheysaidaguy
namedFr eddi
ewit
hdr eadlockstookher.
There'
sonlyoneFreddiewithdreadl
ocks,i
ts
yourfr
iend.

Him: Idon'
tknowwhereFreddi
eisandIhave
nothi
ngt odowithanybody
'sdi
sappear
ance,
am inthehousesleepi
ng.

Me:r
eall
y,ar
eyour
eall
ysl
eepi
ng,whywoul
d
Fr
eddi
eabducti
miify
oudidn'
tsendhi
m.

Hi
m:Idon'
tknowshi
t,y
ouknowwhat
,am
comi
ngovert
opickyouup,
Iwill
bri
ngyouback
tomyhouset
oseethatt
here'
snoonehere.

Me:
ican'
tgowi
thy
ou,
myf
atherj
ustdi
ed.
Hi
m:fuckt
hat
,am comi
ngt
opi
cky
ouup,
get
r
eady

Witht
hatsai
dhedr oppedthecall
,iwaslef
t
hangi
ng,wonder
ingwhyi cal
ledhi
mi nthefi
rst
pl
ace.
*
*
*
*
*
*
.
*
*

#I
MINATHI

Whenfr
eddiewasdonehegotoffmeThenJoe
f
oll
owed,af
terhi
m anot
herwi
ll
foll
ow
Iwasraped,
raped,sodomized,t
henr
apedand
assr
apedagain.Mywor t
hallgone
Theli
tt
ledigni
tyIhadleftallt
akenaway,
my
headhanginshame, Icouldn'
tcryl
oudenough
fort
hem tostop
Thef i
ft
hcol ouredguyent eredmef rom behind,
Iwasi npain.shit
less,Excruci
at i
ngpai n.
Endlesspain.Painsoi ntenseIliterall
ythoughtI
woulddieont hespot.Thenatonepoi ntduring
theendlesshar dfuckingIstartedpani cking
becauseitwassodar k.Absol utelynol i
ght.Like
death.Ipickedmyl efthandupof ft hefl
ooras
hewasf uckingme, iturnedmyheadt othelef
t,
il
ookedatt hespotwher eIputmyhand.An
i
nchort woawayf rom mynose.t henIwav ed
myhandi nfrontofmyf ace.Icouldn’
tseeit.I
wasf adi
ng.Andforsomer easonthatter
ri
fied
me.Iwasbei ngattackedandIcoul dn’
tfi
ght.
Thismadei thar
derf ormet oprocesswhatwas
goingonandt oanticipatewhatwoul dhappen
next.
Thepl aceseemedmuchdar kert
haniti
nit
ial
l
y
was, Icouldn'
tseeanyt
hing,
Ionlyhear
dthei
r
sadisti
cremar ks,
whichsomehowembedded
themsel v
esonmybr ai
nli
keatat
too.
"
Jyi
slekker
"hewhi
sper
ed

Idri
ft
edaway,mybr ainjoi
nedmybodyi n
agony.AndIstar
tedr epeat
ing,
overandoveri
n
myhead, “
OhmyGod, myGod,I’
m goingt
odie.
”
Itwasanendlessloopi nmyhead.”ThenI
heardthi
sotherv oi
ce.Reall
ycalming.“t
heyar
e
nothurti
ngyou.Theyar eonlyhurt
ingyour
body.”Now,there’
snowayt hatIcouldhave
creat
edthisvoicemy sel
f.Notwithallt
hatwas
goingon.Mypani cwasal mosttal
kingoverme.

“
I’
m goi
ngt
odi
e.”

“
theyar
enothur
ti
ngyou.Theyar
eonlyhurt
ing
y
ourbody.
”ther
epeat
edloopcont
inued.

Andallofasuddeni twasasi fmybodywent

numbIcoul dn’
tfeelthepainany more.If
eltt
his
ener
gy,thisfor
ce,gatheri
nginmybody .I
t
seemedt ostar
tonmyknees, itgrewinforce
andint
ensityasitmov edupinside.Meanwhile
Theysti
llconti
nuedswi t
chingplacesasthey
brut
all
ymol est
edme.Somegoi ngforasecond
ti
mesomemay bethethir
dbutWhoknowsat
thi
spoint
?Buti t
’sli
keIdon’tevennot
ice.Al
l I
’
m
awareofisthishugeforcethathasgather
edin
mychestandopenedmyl ungs.Andt
henitjust
fl
oatsup.Iexhaleddeeply

I
tsl
i
kemybodyandmysoul
separ
ated.
IDreadedasmysoul leftmybodyandhov er
ed
i
nt hecorneroftheshack.Il it
eral
l
yl ef
tmybody ,
satatthatcornerandIwat chedmy sel
fbeing
raped.Dispassi
onatel
y .Likei twasamov i
e.I
couldseei nthedark.Icoul dseewhatt hey
weredoingt ome.Andi twasacomf ortto
escapemybody .Andmay bet obeabletoseeit
couldhelpmepr ocessi t.

I
fthatmakessense.
Iwasn'
tscreaminganymore,
Iwasjustnumb.
AttheendallihadtodowastoJustclosemy
eyesandletgo,idr
if
tedawayinspace,
shutt
eredfrom t
hiswor
ld.Iam notoneoft
hem,
theycan'
ttouchme.
Theycan'
ttakemysoul
,ir
eleasedmysor
rows
andonlyt
hendidIst
opfeel
inganypai
n.

#admi
n

[
5/15,
18:
19]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYTHI
RTYONE

#I
MINATHI

Iwasoutofconsci
ousnessforal
mostf ew
minut
eswhichwasactuall
yareli
ef.ThenI
becameconsci
ousagain,Iwassti
lli
nthesame
pl
ace
Il
ayther
emotionl
ess,myeyeshalfopened,
i
wasstar
ingi
nspace,am notsur
eIwasev en
bl
inki
ng.

"oupastop,she'
snotmov i
ng"Icoul
dhearone
ofthem sayi
ng.I
tsl
iketheywer
esofarfr
om
me, t
hei
rv oi
ceswer
ef adi
ngaway

ButOupaconti
nued,
fewmorest
rokest
henhe
rel
easedandhegotoffme

It
sonlywhenhegotof fmethatIfi
nal
ly
ret
urnedfrom mybody,i
tsonlyt
henthanI
acknowledgedwhattheyhavedonetome.

"hey
"Joeshookmewi
thhi
sfoot
,Inev
er
moved.
Fr
eddi
efel
tmypul
se.

"she'sstil
l breathi
ng"hesai d.Yeahtheywere
ri
ght,Iwasst il
lbreathi
ng,Iwasphysicall
yali
ve
butmysoul wasdead.Ihadnosoul l
efti
nme
anymor e.Icoul dn'tf
eelanypainany moreIwas
sonumb, Iguessbecauseoft heintensit
yofthe
painmybr ainjustshutdownal lemot i
onal
feel
ings.
Idon'tevenknowwhyIwasst il
lbreat
hing,I
shouldbedeadbynow.Al l
thatraninmymi nd
atthatmomentwasmymot her'
sv ei
l,
stained
withmybl ood,Ikepthav
ingfl
ashbacksofmy
stepdadmol est
ingme.Iwascov eredinthat
veil
Agai
n..
..
"weshoul
dleav
e"Fr
eddi
esai
d.

Theywor
ethei
rtr
ouser
s.

It
houghti
twasall
overbutt
heyj
usthadt
odo
more,
theyki
ckedmeint
ensel
y.
Idi
dn'
twail
norscream,onl
ytear
srol
led
si
dewaysbutInev
erutt
eredanyword.

Theywer ehi
tt
ingmefrom ev
erywhere,
stompingonmyf ace,
stomach,
ribs,
Icouldn'
t
real
lytel
lwhi
chpartofmybodytheynev er
touched.

Thent
heydr
aggedmeoutoft
heshack,
Ever
ythi
ngf
eltl
i
keadr
eam,it
'sli
kei
twasnot
happeni
ngt
ome.Iwasint
rance.
Mychestwassuf
focat
ing,Iguesst
heymi ght
havebr
okenfewofmyr i
bsbecauseitsuddenl
y
becamesohardt
obreathe.
Icoul
dn'
tgetenoughai
r,It
ri
edsohar
dto
breat
hebutIcoul
dn'
t,
ThelastthingIrememberwast
hem dr
aggi
ng
me,afterthatIwasout
.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#SETH
Idrov
eev erywherebuticouldn'
tfindher.Iwas
runni
ngoutofgas.i wasont heroadheading
outofthecity.idoubtedtaki
ngt heroadatfir
st
butIfi
nall
ytooki t
,Idrov
eami l
eandahal f,I
hadbright
enedt heli
ghtstomakesur et
hatI
seeeveryt
hing.

From adi
stanceIcouldseewhatl
ookedl
i
kean
animall
yi
ngont hesideofther
oad
Ir
educedmyspeedasIdr
ovecl
oser
.

Thecl
oserIgott
hecl
ear
erIcoul
dseet
hati
t
wasahuman

Ipar
kednextt
ot her
oad,Idebatedget
ti
ngout,
I
meanitwasdarkanditwasinthemiddleof
nowhere
It
ookadeepbr
eat
het
henf
inal
l
yexi
tedt
hecar

"hel
l
o"Isai
dwal
ki
ngcl
osert
otheper
son.
ThemomentIr eachedher
,If
roze,
herfacewas
batter
edandcov eredinbl
oodbutIcoul
dsti
ll
recognizedher
.

Shewasfull
blownnaked,cover
edinblood.The
poolofbl
oodbetweenherthi
ghsjustmademe
fear
edtheworst
.

Iqui
ckl
yknel
tdown.

"no.
..
no.
..
imi
,i
mi"Iwasal
readyi
ntear
s.

Shehadaf ai
nthear
tbeat
.Herphonewas
tossedbesi
deherbody.
It
ookthephonepl
acedi
tinmypockett
hen
l
if
tedherup

Shewassoheav y.Ipl
acedherinthebackseat
thenmadeau- t
urn,Idrov
ebackInt ownbutmy
gaswouldn'
tgetmet othehospi
tal.

Icoul
dn'
tcal
lSar
ahbecauseshedoesn'
thav
ea
phone.

It
ookoutherphone,
itwasof
f,Iswi
tchedi
ton.
Andbyt
hegr
aceofGodi
tst
il
lhadabat
ter
y.

Iwentt
ohercont
act
s,Ical
l
edhermot
her
.

Hernumberr
angt
wicebef
oresheanswer
ed.
"owhmyGodi
mi"sheanswer
ed.

"am sorr
yma'am it
snoti
mi ,
am Sar
ah'sbrot
her
,
Ifoundimibutshe'
sinacri
ti
cal
condit
ionsand
Iam outofgasandam sti
l
lfarf
rom t
he
hospit
al"Isai
datonce

"owhmy .
..
Issheohk,
whereareyou"shewas
pani
cki
ng,Icoul
dhearfr
om hert
one.

Me:
neart
hemai
nroadt
hatl
eadst
oMal
elane.

"Nkos'
yam andIam ontheothersi
deoftown,
am coming,Iwi
l
lcall
sfi
sohe'swithyoursi
ster
theymightbecl
osertoyou"shesaid
Aft
ershedr oppedthecal
lIparkedontheOt her
si
deoft heroadbecausemyt ankwasalready
empty.ItookoffmyJerseythencover
edher .
Shewasnotmov i
ngandIwoul
dbel
yi
ngi
fIsay
Iwasnott
err
if
ied.

"whoev
erdi
dthi
swi
l
lsur
elypay"Iwhi
sper
ed.
Icoul
dn'
tswal
l
owt
hegr
uesomesi
teshewasi
n.

Twentyminut
eslateracarcamet
owar
ds
whereIhadparked.
I
twasSar
ah.Ir
ecogni
sedt
hecar
.

Iqui
ckl
yopenedt
hedoor
.

Sar
ahwasn'
tdr
ivi
ng,
aguywasdri
vi
ng.He
par
kedbehi
ndmycarandt
heyr
ushedoutof
t
hecar
.

Thecamet
ome.

"wher
eisshe"t
heguysai
dwi
thaser
iousf
ace.
IguesshemustbeSf
iso

"t
hisway
"Iopenedthebackdoorandthe
momenthesawherhest oodforawhil
e,hi
s
ey
eswereabitt
eary
, hegri
ndedonhisteet
h

"j
eseswhot
hef
uckdi
dthi
stoher
"hi
svoi
ce
wasshal
l
ow.

Me:
If oundherneart
heroadt
hatl
eadt
o
mal
elane.Shewasnaked.
Hel
ookedupandwi
pedhi
sface.

"let'
sgethertothecar"wegotheroutand
l
iftedhertotheothercar,
thegir
lswat
chedin
sor r
ow,thei
rhandsCov er
edthei
rmouths.My
si
st erj
ustbrokedown.
Idi
dn'
tbl
amehert
hough,
Iknowhowf
ondshe
wasofher
.

"whatkindofani
mal
swoul
ddot
his"t
heot
her
gi
rlsai
d.

Weallgotinthecar,
Ilef
tmycarther
e,wi
th
hopesthatIwil
lfi
nditwhenIcomeback.

"wear
etaki
nghertombombelahospi
tal
,ncane
sai
dwewil
lfi
ndherther
e"sf
isosai
d.
Hedr
oveli
keamaniaconthatr
oad,
Isai
da
smal
lpr
ayeraski
ngGodt
okeepussafe.

Iwasint
hefr
ontandall
thegi
rl
ssatatt
heback
wit
himiont
heirl
aps.

Theothergi
rlkeptsni
ff
ingandhummi
ngasad
rhy
thm.

Herhymist
heonl
ythi
ngt hatwasheard
t
hrought
hesadni
ngsi
lenceroaminginthecar
.

Wit
hinabli
nkofaneyewewer
eatt
hehospi
tal
,
heparkedont
heentr
ance.

Awomanr
ant
ousassoonaswegotout
.
"wherei
sshe.I
ssheohk"sherushedtot
hecar
andimmedi
atel
yweptt
erri
blyuponseei
ngimi
.

Iguesst
hatwashermot
her
.

"whodi
dthi
stomybaby
,whyher
,why"she
wept
,

Sfi
socamebackwi tht
henursesPushinga
str
etcher
,theyt
ookherandwheeledherint
he
hospit
alandwef ol
l
owedbehind.

Weremai
nedinthewai
ti
ngroom whi
l
eher
mot
herwastal
ki
ngwithnur
ses.
Ever
yonewasqui
et,
Iguesswewer
eal
ll
osti
n
websofourownt
houghts.
Mytormentwasst
il
lthegr
uesomest
ateIf
ound
heri
n.
Iwouldt r
ytorememberhersmi l
e,herglowi
ng
eyesandherwar mness,thosearethe
memor iesIwantedt
or ememberofherbutthis
gruesomesceneIsawheri nt
odaykept
di
sturbingthosememor i
es.AsightIt
hinkIwil
l
neverforget

"Sheshouldn'thavegonetothatstupi
dpart
y"
sfisospokebr eaki
ngthesi
lence.Hestoodup
from thebenchandpacedupanddown.

"Shewil
lbeohk,
justsi
tdown"t
heot
hergi
rl
said.

Pr
esh:
Ihav
enev
erseensuchbr
utal
i
ty,
they
bashedherf
ace.

Shesai
dandqui
ckl
ywi
pedhert
ear
s

Sarah:Ishoul
dhavebeenther
eforher
.I
shouldn'
thavelef
theral
one

Me:don'
tbl
amey oursel
f,t
here'
snothi
ngyou
coul
dhavedone,
y ouwerealsodrugged
remember

Sarah:whySubj
ectheronsuchpai
nwhatar
e
theyhopi
ngtogain.

Wewer esti
l
ltaki
ngblameandswal
l
owingthe
bi
tt
ertrut
hthatnoneofuscoul
dhavedone
anyt
hingtostopt
his,
Whent
wopol
i
cemanappr
oachedus,
theywer
e
wi
thi
mi'
smot
her
.

"hi
guy
s"t
heysai
d.

"Mrsnkosihadalreadyrepor
tedthekidnappi
ng
whenyoucalledher ,soshesai
dy ouknowwho
tookI
minathicanyout el
luswhathappened"
oneoftheoff
icersaid.

SarahandIst
art
ednar
rat
ingev
ery
thi
ngt
hat
happenedi
nthepar
ty

Wedescr
ibedFr
eddi
efr
om t
hebestofour
abi
l
ity

Theyaskedf
ewmor
equest
ionsbef
orel
eav
ing.
"Ineedtobewit
hher,y
oukidscangohome,
youhavedoneenoughalr
eady"i
mi'
smother
sai
d.

IwantedtostaybutIdi
dasshesaid.Sf
isoand
theothergi
rlr
emainedbehi
ndwhil
e,Sarah,
preci
ousandIleft
.

Wedrovet
othenear
estgasst
ati
on,
boughtgas
anddr
ovetowher
eIlef
tmycar
Withmuchlucki
twasstil
lther
e,Ipour
edt
he
gas,goti
n,dr
oveaf
terSarah.

I
twasalr
eady1am,Iwasti
redButIdoubtIwas
gonnasl
eepwhenIgethome.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

*
#NQOBI
LE.

Around11pm j
etcametof et
chme,hewoul dn'
t
takenoforananswerevenwhenItoldhimthat
Iwaslef
twithCebo,hedidn'
tgiv
eadamn, he
saidhewantedmetoseet hathedi
dn'tt
akeimi.
Il
eftwit
hhim,
Ilockedbot
hdoor
satleastI
knewthatmom hadlef
twi
tht
hekey
s.

Igoti
nhi
scarandhedr
ovet
ohi
shouse.

Wegott
her
eandt
her
ewer
ebot
tl
esofboozei
n
t
hel
ounge.

Sebast
ian,
hisotherf
ri
endwassl
eepi
ngont
he
couchsnori
ngli
keaoldhag.

"seeihadapar
ty,
Ineverl
eftt
hishouset
oday
youcanaskmyguests.
Eveny
ourf
ri
endswer
eher
eyoucanaskt
hem"
hesai
d.

Il
ookedathi
m andshookmyhead.
"owhandy oucansear chthehouse,
there'
sno
oneher e,Ididn'
ttakethatgirl
andIdidn'
ttalkto
Freddieev ersi
ncewef ought"hesai
d,he
l
ookedsosi ncere,cl
earlyhewasreall
ytell
ing
thetruth.Hehadnot hingt odowit
himi's
abduction.

"fi
neIbel
iev
eyou,
am sor
ryIdoubt
edYou"i
fi
nal
lysai
d.
Weshar
edaki
ss.
"sor
ryaboutyourdad,Ihopey
ouf
indt
hegi
rl
"
hesai
dhuggingmet ight
ly.

Me:itj
ustf
eel
sli
keadr
eam,
Ican'
tbel
i
evehei
s
gone.
Hi
m:Iwi
l
ltakecar
eofy
ou,
don'
twor
ry.
Me:Imi
sshim al
ready
,hewasagoodman,
al
waysl
aughi
ng.Hewast hebestdadev
er.

Hi
m:i
wishIwoul
dhav
emethi
m.
Me:y
ouwer egonnal
ovehi
m,hewasv
erygood
wi
thpeopl
e.

Hi
m:i
see.How'
smyl
i
ttl
elaai
ti
edoi
ngi
nher
e.

Hebr
ushedmyt
ummy
.
"fi
neIguess,Ihadapani
cattackear
li
erbutI
don'
tthi
nkithadanyeff
ects"Isai
d.
Him: pl
easepr
otecthi
mforme,hecomesfi
rst
,
youshouldknowthati
fyoul
oosethi
s
pregnancy,
Iwil
lmakesurey
oulooseyourl
i
fe.

Hi
stonewasf
ir
m,Iguesshewasj
ust
pr
otect
iveofhi
sbaby
.
Wewenttohisbedroom,
hewant
edsexsowe
endeduphav
ingit
.
Atleastt
odayhewasmuchgent
let
hathe
usuall
yis

Aft
ert wol ongrounds, Iwasdeadt ired,wewent
totakeaqui ckshowert henwentt osleep,wel
l
heslept ,
IonTheot hersidecouldn'tsleep,
I
couldn'tstopfeeli
nggui l
tyforhavingsexwhi l
e
mydadj ustdied.

I
tf el
tsoselfi
shandwr ongbutIknewbet
ter
thantorefusejetsex
,hewasgonnamakeme
paydearlyforthat
.
Ifeltev
enmor eguil
ti
erf
orleavi
ngceboalone
athome, butIknewshewouldbesafe,our
neighborhoodwasthesafestpl
aceever
.
Thingswerejustf
all
ingapar
t,howcould
everyt
hingj
ustfal
laparti
nablinkofaneye.
Ihopedt
heyfindi
misaf
ely.Imighthateherbut
Isti
ll
want
edhertobesafe.Iknewforaf act
thatmymotherwoul
dn'
tsurvi
veloosingher.

#admi
n
[
5/16,
15:
49]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYTHI
RTYTWO

#I
MINATHI

Bysomependi ngmi
racl
e,Iwokeup,i
opened
myey esonlyt
obemetbyunf ami
li
ar
sur
roundings,
andpeopl
etalki
ng.
"she'
sawake"af
emal
evoi
cesai
d.
"good,l
et'
smakesur
eshe'
sst
ayst
hatway
"a
malevoi
ceanswer
ed.

Mymi ndwassti
l
labi
toutofi
t,i
twasal
lj
ust
hazyandcoul
dn'
tmakeoutwhatwasgoi
ngon.
Iwant
edt
omov
ebutt
heyhel
dmedown
I
tfi
nal
l
ymadesenseIwasi
nahospi
tal
bed
wi
thbr
ightl
i
ght
sandnur
sesal
lar
oundme
Ij
ustst
aredatt
hebeepi
ngmachi
nebesi
deme.
*
*
Thenextf
ourhour
sconsi
stedofhav
ing
ev
eryi
nchofmybodyi
nvest
igat
edand
scr
apedf
orev
idence.Mycl
otheswer
e
complet
elyr
emov
ed,
Iwasn'
twear
ingev
ent
he
hospi
tal
gown.
i
tseemedl
i
kenot
hingr
emai
ned
pri
vateatthatpoint
.Iknowi
t'
sprocedur
e,t
he
doctorswerejustdoingt
hei
rjob,
butatt
het
imeIf
eltsov
iol
ated,
li
kemy
bodydi
dn’
tbel
ongt
omeany
mor
e.

Iwaspoked,
checkedandi
nject
edwi
thneedl
es.

I
tfel
tli
kemybodywasaPl
aygr
ound.
af
termor
ethanf
ourhour
sofbei
ng
examined,
theyf
inal
l
ywheel
edmet
oanot
her
ward.
Att
het
ime,
Icoul
dn'
tspeakt
o
any
one-
-Idi
dn'
twantt
obet
her
e.Buti
t
wasreal
l
yimport
antformet odogethel
pand
l
iv
eformysist
er,eventhoughitwashar
d

Fewminut
esl
atermymotherwal
kedi
n
fol
l
owedbyZi
thaandsf
iso
Sheweptuponseei
ngme

WasIt
hatbad,
thatmycondi
ti
onmadehercr
y

Shesatonthechai
rwhi
l
ezi
thaandsf
isost
ood
neart
hebed.

Ihadatubeinmymout
handnosesoIcoul
dnt
sayany
thing.

"owhmyGod,l
ookatwhatt
heyhav
edoneto
you,
Ihav
efai
l
edyou,It
ookyouf
rom Kzn
becauseIwant
edtoprot
ecty
ou,Iwantedyou
tobesafeandIfai
l
ed,
am sorr
y"herv
oicewas
broken.

Iwantedtot el
lheritwasohk,Iwant
edto
reassureherthatnoneofthi
swasherfaultbutI
couldntspeak,al
lIcoulddowasjustst
areat
them

"am sorr
yimi,Ishouldhavebeenther
e"sfi
so
sai
d,evenifhewas, Idoubthewouldhavedone
anyt
hing,maybehewoul dhavebeenkill
ed.

Mom keptoncry
ingbrushi
ngmyhand, Ijust
squeezedi
tti
ght
lyandtearsf
eltsi
deway ,Iwas
damagedandIdon'tt
hinkIwi
lleverberepair
ed.

Zi
thakeptsni
ff
ing,
herey
eswer
ebl
oodr
ed,
I
coul
dseeshehadbeencr
ying.

Iwasgl
adt
heywereher
ebutIkeptwonder
ing
wher
ewasmysist
er.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#NARRATED

Theyl
eftt
hehospi
tal
int
heweehour
soft
he
morni
ng,ever
yonewast
ir
ed,
ithadr
eal
l
ybeena
l
ongnight
.

Sfi
sowasdr i
vi
ng,
Zit
haandMr snkosi
wer
ein
theback,
theywer
ebothsi
lent
.

Sfi
sogothome,par
kedt
hecarandt
heywal
ked
tothehouse.

Itwast
ooquiet
,MrsNkosiwenttocheckon
ceboandshewassoundasleeponherbed.

Whenshewentt onqobi'
sroom i
twasempt
y.
Shepanickedt
hinki
ngthatsomethi
ngmi
ght
havehappenedtohert
oo.

Shet
ookoutt
hephoneandcal
l
edher
.
I
trangf
orawhi
l
ebef
oresheanswer
ed,

"
nqobi
,ukuphi
,ar
eyouohk"shesai
d.

Nqobi
:am f
inema,
am ataf
ri
end'
shouse.

Her:afr
iend'
shouse,af
teral
lThathas
happenedyoudecidedt
ogot oafri
end'
shouse

Nqobi
:am sor
ry,
Iwasn'
tthi
nki
ng,
Ijustneeded
t
oclearmyhead

Her:soyoudecidedt
oleav
eCeboal
one,
you
l
eftheral
one,sheisaki
d.
Nqobi
:Il
ockedt
hedoor
s,i
justwasn'
tthi
nki
ng.

Her:canyoucomebackhome,
ther
e'sal
ott
hat
needstobedone.

Withthatsaidshedroppedthecall
andwent
downstairs,
shecheckedthegroceri
esi
nthe
ki
tchen,thenwroteali
st.

Shesentsf
isoandzit
hatogetthemissi
ng
i
tems.Aft
ertheyl
eftshest
art
edcleani
ngthe
house,

Fewhour
slat
ersf
isoandzi
thacameback.

Theyhel
pedherremovet
hebed,
headboar
d
andthemir
rori
nherbedr
oom.
Theyplacedev
ery
thi
ngont
henextr oom.A
whil
elatert
hewomenfr
om nextdoortothem
camein.
Sfi
sohadtol
dt hem whathadhapped,
andhe
fel
tli
kesheneededhelpdeali
ngwitht
his.

Thewomanpreparedev
ery
thi
ngandhel
pedher
si
tonthemat
tress.
*
*
WhenCebowokeup,t
her
ewer
epeopl
eal
l
ar
oundthehouse.

Sf
isot
oldherwhathadHappenedt
oMrnkosi
.

"wher
e'si
mi,
Iwanti
mi"shesai
d.
Sfiso:
imi
ishur
t,sheisi
nthehospi
tal
,Iwi
l
l
takeyout
oherlater
.

Cebo:
whathappened,
whohur
ther
.

Sf
iso:wedon'
tknowyet,t
hepoli
cearest
il
l
l
ookingf
orthepeopl
ethathur
ther.
Cebo:
youpr
omi
sey
ouwi
l
ltakemet
oher
.

Sf
iso:
Ipr
omi
se.

Shejustnoddedwi
thasadf
acet
henwentt
o
takeabath.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#NQOBI
LE.

WhenIgothomeitwasafull
house,
jethad
dr
oppedmet wohousesaway.

Iwentinandwomenwer
epaci
ngupanddown
thehouse.
Iwenti
ntomyr oom andchangei
ntoal oose
l
ongdress.Iti
edascarfi
nmyheadt henwent
tot
hekitchen,
zit
hawasbusymaki ngtea.
"hey,youl
ookt
ir
ed,
didy
ougetanysl
eepmar
a"
Iasked.

Her:Iwish,
myey esar
esopainf
ul,
Icanbarel
y
keepthem open,
Ithi
nktaki
ngashowerwil
ldo
megood.

Me:
didy
ouguy
sfi
ndi
mi,
wher
eisshe.

Her:wefoundher
,she'
sinthehospi
tal
,shehad
beenbrut
all
ybeat
en,molestedandl
eftf
ordead.

Me,
:owhGod,
whathappened.

Her:
wedon'tknow,
shehasn'
tsai
dany
thi
ngy
et,
shecan'
tspeak.
Ikeptqui
et,
Ireal
l
ywasshockedandIf
eltsor
ry
forher
.

Me,
:whenar
eyougoi
ngt
oseeheragai
n.

Her
:sfi
sowi l
ltakecebolater
,Iwon'
tgowith
t
hem becauset her
e'sst
il
lsomuchthatneeds
t
obedone.

Me:Iwil
lgowit
hthem,Iwannaseeher.And
youcangotakeabat
h,Iwil
lfi
nishuphere.

Her
:thanky
ou.

Shelef
tandIplacedt
hecupsoft
eai
natr
ay,I
spr
eadthebreadandtooki
ttomymom'
sroom
Theywer
efewwomenwi
thher
,mostoft
hem
wasournei
ghbor
s.
Herr
oom wasempty
,shewassit
ti
ngina
matt
resswi
thabl
anketcov
eri
ngher.
Al
lthewhi
l
eshewasl
ooki
ngdown.

Shesi
gnal
l
edf
ormet
ocomet
oher
.

"youruncleisattheI ndianshopupthestreet
,
he'sl
ost,canyoupl easet el
lsfi
sotogoandget
them"shewhi spered, Inoddedthenexi
tedthe
room.

Il
ookedf
orsfi
soandhewasatt
heback
bui
ldi
ngaroof
lessshack,
"what
'
sthatf
or"Iasked.

Him:it
swheret
heyWil
lcook,
andam maki
ng
spacefort
hewoodt
hattheywil
ldel
i
ver
edl
ater
.

Me:
Ihear
dabouti
mi,
howar
eyoudoi
ng.

Hi
m:Iam f
ine,
whyar
eyouev
enaski
ngmet
hat
.

Heanswer
eddi
smi
ssi
vel
y.

"nothi
ng,
Iwi
l
lgowi
thy
oul
ater
,wheny
out
ake
cebo"

Hi
m:f
ine.
Me:yourfat
herhasarri
ved,he'
satt
hecor
ner
caf
eIndianshop,he'
slost
,mom sai
dyoumust
gogethim.

Hi
m:ohk.

Hefini
shedupwiththeshark,
washedhi
s
hands,t
ookthecarkeysthenlef
t.

,
,
Iwashedthedi
rt
ydi
shesandcl
ear
edt
he
ki
tchen.
Awhilel
aterZi
thaj
oinedme,shewassmel l
i
ng
f
resh,
,sheworealongdarkbl
ueskirtwi
thit
s
matchi
ngtop,t
hentiedascar
faroundherhead.
"
Wehav
etost
artwi
tht
hebaki
ng"shesai
d.

Me:
youar
etal
ki
ngt
othewr
ongper
son
Iknownothi
ngaboutbaking,y
oucanmixt
he
i
ngredi
ent
sandi wi
llcheckthest
ove,

Her:ohk,
justcl
eant
hepansandi
wil
lmi
xthe
dough.
.
.
Aft
erthi
rt
yminut
essf
isocamebackf
oll
owed
byhispar
ent
s.

"sanbonani
"theygr
eet
edst
andi
ngbyThe
ki
tchendoor.

"mom,
dad"Zi
thar
ushedt
othem andhugged
t
hem.

"owhbabygi
rl
,howar
eyou"hermot
hersai
d.

Her
:Idon'
tknow,
Itsbeenar
oughni
ght
.

"i
twi
l
lbef
ine,
Nqobi
l
e,unj
ani
sisi
"shesai
d.

Me:
am copi
ng

Shehuggedmeti
ghtl
ythenbr
oket
hehug,I
shookbab'
l
omkhul
u'
shand.

Ri
ghtt
henCebowal
kedi
n.

"babazi
tha"shesai
dwi
thawi
desmi
l
e.
"Cebo,l
ookaty
ou,
youhav
egr
ownsobi
g"he
said.

Zi
tha:
Itol
dyoushe'
sabi
ggi
rlnow.

Mamkhul
u:Ist
il
lcan'
tbel
i
evey
ouf
oundt
hem
Zi
tha:
yeahIcoul
dn'
tbel
i
evei
tatf
ir
st.

Mamkhulu:
Idi
dn'
tbel
ieveyouwhenyoucal
l
ed
me,It
houghty
ouwerejustpul
l
ingmyleg
Zi
tha:
vel
eyoual
way
sthi
nkam j
oki
ngwenama.

Mamkhul
u:t
hat
'
sbecausey
oul
i
kej
oki
ngt
oo
much.
Rightt
henmyuncl
e'
sphoner
ang,
hewal
ked
out.

"sowher
e'si
mi"mamkhul
uasked.

Ther
ewasanawkwar
dsi
l
ence.

"she'
sint
hehospi
tal
"zi
thaanswer
ed.

Mamkhul
u:what
,why
,wasshewi
thj
aden,
was
shet
her
ewhenhewaskil
l
ed

Zi
tha:no,shewaswi t
hherfr
iends,
someone
Abductedandat
tackedher
.

Mamkhul
u:what,
owhmyGod,
twoi
nci
denti
na
day
,whatbadl
uckist
his.
Wekeptqui
et.

"Gcinaandphumzi l
earecoming"bab'
lomkhulu
said,hewastalki
ngabouthisyoungsi
sterand
hisbrotherwhowast hel
astborn.

"Ihav
en'
tseent
hem i
nawhi
l
e"mamkhul
usai
d.

Bab'l
omkhulu:
yabazi
naweukut
hibav
ela
nakushoni
we.
.
.
Theywentt
ojoi
n.Mymot
her
.
,
Around16:00theyal
ll
eftwit
hmymot hert
osee
thebodythentheyweregonnat
ransf
eritt
o
anothermort
uary.
Af
tert
heyl
eftsf
isodr
oveust
othehospi
tal
.
Zi
thar
emai
nedbehi
nd.

Wegotinimi
'
swardandi al
mostcoll
apsed,
she
wasswoll
enandbr
uised,
shelookedso
di
ff
erent
.
Shehadpi
pesev
ery
wher
e.

"hey
, i
mi"sf
isosai
d"l
ookwhoIbr
ought"he
poi
ntedatcebo.

Shest
aredatherandt
ri
edtosmi
l
ethr
ought
he
pi
pepoppingi
nhermouth.
Ceboj ustst
oodatt
hedistance,
shedidn'
t
wannacomeanycl oser
,it
slikeshecoul
dn't
recognizeher.

Sf
iso:
cebocomecl
oser
.

Butshetookfewst
epsBack,
tear
srol
l
eddown
hercheeks.

Sfi
so:i
tsohkgi
rl
,i
tsi
mi.Don'
tbescar
ed,
itsi
mi,
she'
sfi
ne.

Sheshookherhead.

"t
hat'
snoti
mi,Iwanti
mi,
Iwanti
mi"she
st
art
edcryi
ng.
Ihel
dher
..
..

"Nanathat'
simi
,shej
ustl
ooksabi
tdi
ff
erent
becauseshe'
sbeenhur
t"Isai
d.

Shel
ookedather"whydidtheyputapi
pei
nher
mout
h,whycan'tshet
alk,
"shesaid.

Nqobi:shewil
ltal
kassoonasshegetsbet
ter
,
wejusthavetobestr
ongforher
,ohk,
wehav e
t
obet hereforher
.

Shenodded,
Iwi
pedhert
ear
swi
thmyt
humb.

Shewentcl
osert
oher
.

"i
mi"shehel
dherhand,
imi
squeezedi
t.
"shecanmov
e,shesqueezedmyhand"cebo
sai
d.

Weallst
oodt
herewhil
ecebowentonandon
aski
ngwhohur
ther.

Thestat
eshewasi
n,Iwoul
dn'
twi
shi
tonmy
bi
ggestenemy

#admi
n
[
5/18,
16:
01]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYTHI
RTYTHREE
#I
MINATHI

AWEEKLATER
I
tsbeenfewdaysnowsi
ncei
'
vebeenl
yi
ng
gauntandunabl
eto
mov eanyt
hingbel
owmydi
aphr
agm i
nthi
s
hospit
albed
Somebedsor
eshav
ebecomeso
deepIhav
ebeenschedul
edf
oranot
hersur
ger
y
tomorr
ow.Scr
ewshold
toget
hermyupperv ertebr
ae,ihavecigarett
e
burnspockinonmyr ightshoulder
.Idon'teven
rememberhowIgott hose.Theyhav etakent he
pipeoutofmymout hy etmycheststill
hur t
s
l
ikehell
,ther
e'sawhizzingsoundeverythingI
breat
he,hencemyv oicefadesinand
out
,hoar
sef
rom ei
therweaknessormor
phi
ne
Theswel
l
ingonmyf
acewasabi
tbet
ternow
Asifal
lthephy
sicalpai
nswer
enotenough,
I
fi
nal
lyl
eantwhysfisowant
edmetocome
homethatday

Hetoldmet hatdadhadpassedaway ,
hewas
murdered,Ihavebeencry
ingforday
snow, I
couldn'
tbeli
eveit
,nowiknewwhymom hasn' t
beencomi ngtoseeme.Shewasmour ni
ng,
i
couldn'
ti
magi newhatshemightbegoing
thr
ough.
Howcoul dpeoplebesoHear tless,ImeanMr
nkosiwasav er
ygoodman.Hel ovedpeople
andhisjobwast osaveliv
es, hewasadoct orat
apriv
ateHospital
, whocouldhav ehatedhimt o
havetakenawayt heverythi
ngher elent
lessly
gavetootherpeopleondai l
ybasis" l
i
fe"
.

If
eltev
enmor
ebadbecauseIwoul
dn'
tbe
at
tendi
ngt
hef
uner
al,
whichwasonthe
f
oll
owi
ngday
.
Iwantedtobet here,Iwantedtosaygoodbyeto
him,hehadbeenl ikeafathertomeov ert
his
year
.Het r
eatedCeboandIl i
kehisdaught
ers,
henevertookadv antageofus.Andnowhewas
gone,IwonderedhowMr sNkosi wasgonna
copewithus
Woul
dshesti
l
lkeepusort
akeust
othe
or
phanage
Ireal
l
ydi
dn'
twannagot
her
e.Iwant
edCebot
o
haveagoodl
if
e
*
*
Speakingofcebo, shewasn'tafr
aidofme
anymor e,sheandsf i
sohavebeenv i
sit
ingme
ever
ysi ngleday,z
ithahadcomewi t
hthem on
fewoccasi ons,
butshecouldn'tcomeasoften
becauset herewasal ott
odoathome.
Nqobinev
ercamebackaft
erherf
ir
stvisi
t,I
wassurpr
isedSheev
encameatallconsi
deri
ng
howmuchsheseemst ohat
eme.
Set
handmyf ri
endsal
socameregular
ly,
Aya
woul
dcryal
ltheti
me,say
ingsheshouldhav
e
st
oppedmefrom goi
ngwithf
reddi
e.

Thepol i
cecameandtookmystat
ement,
Itol
d
them every
thi
ngir
ememberedaboutt
hatday
.
Althoughsomeofthedet
ail
swereabi
tofablur
,
,
It
ri
edmyatmostbestt
oer
aset
hatdayf
rom
mymind
Ididn'
twannat
hinkabouti
t.Iwant
ed
everyt
hingt
ogobacktonormal
Iwant
edt
orest
,Iwast
ir
ed.
Ihat
edthefactt
hatIwasav i
cti
m onceagai
n.I
wantedt
omov epastthi
s,andthefactt
hatt
he
doct
orshadassi
gnedatherapi
sttomemade
memad

Idi
dn'
twannatal
k,it
snotli
ketal
ki
ngwas
gonnachangewhathadhappened
Ihadbrui
sesandscarstoremi
ndmeoft
hat
day,t
alki
ngwasnevergonnaer
aset
hose
brui
ses,i
tsnev
erwasgonnawipeawayt
hose
scar
s

Thether
api
sthadcameonce,
sheisagood
l
ady.Sheaskedi
fIwant
edtotal
kandIt
oldher
no.

Shetol
dmebogusstori
esaboutopeni
ngup
andhowitwasgonnaheal
me.
Idi
dn'
twannahearanyofherusel
essadv
ice.
Shewasnott heonewhohadt oendureallt
his,
shewasnott heonepeeingblood,shewas
defi
nit
elynottheonewhohadt otakeallsort
s
ofinj
ecti
onsandpill
s.-
IWAS- ,
,,
Ihadtotake
countl
esspil
lsandendureinj
ecti
onsjust
becausethedoctorswantedtopreventany
STIsandpregnancy.
Iwasdamaged,
thewor
dsoft
hegy
naecol
ogi
st
st
il
lri
ngsi
nmyears.
"sheisallr
ippedupinsi
de,thisi
stheworst
rapeIhaveeversee"shehadsaidtwoday s
ago.Basi
cal
lymyv agi
nalwallswererupt
ured,
mycer vi
xtornapart,
theyhaddamagedmy
womb

Doct
orssai
ditwoul
dbeami
racl
eformet
o
gi
vebir
th
Sohert
alkwasn'
tgonnadoanyj
ust
icef
orme
Unlessshegetspi
nnedtotheground,
andbeing
brutal
l
yrobbedofherl
if
e,shehadnobusiness
tal
kingtome..
.
SoIremainedqui
et,
Inev
eranswer
edanyofher
quest
ion

Shefinal
l
ygav eupandlef
tbutnotbefor
e
tel
l
ingmet hatit
sbett
erIst
artcooper
ati
ng
Becausemat t
erhowlongIremainedqui
et,
she
wil
lkeeponcomi ng.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#SETH.

Ihadst
il
ll
ockedmyselfi
nmyroom,goi
ngov
er
thef
ewphotosIhadtakenofi
mi.
Thehappinesswasclearl
yvi
sibl
einherf
ace,
hersmil
e..
.soever
last
ing.
Whathav
etheydonet
oher
.

Ial
wayswentt
ovisi
ther,
shewassodif
fer
ent,
shedi
dn'
tl
aughanymore,herey
eswer
edull
andempt
y.

Shehar
dlyt
alks,
itsl
i
kemyimiwasgone,t
he
per
sononthathospi
tal
bedwasacomplet
e
di
ff
erentper
son.

Iwant
edtomakesur ethatt
hepeopl
ewhodid
thi
spay.
..
.soIcooper
atedwit
hthepol
icei
nany
wayIcoul
d.
Theyhavecomeoverbymyhouseaf
ewt
imes,
aski
ngfol
lowupquesti
ons.
Ihadhopedt heycat
chwhoeverdi
dthi
s
becauseiftheydon'
t,
Iwasgonnagotopr
ison
forki
ll
ingthem

ICheckedt
heboxundermybedandi
twasst
il
l
ther
e,myFather
'spi
stol
.
Ihadt
akeni
tfewday
sbacki
nhi
sroom.
Icar
ryi
tar
oundwhenev
erIgooutnow.
Ihadhopesthatimi
ghtbumpint
oFreddi
eand
whenIdo,am gonnaputabul
l
etinhi
sskull
for
whathedid.
Hewasamonst
erandhedeser
vedt
oroti
nhel
l
.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#NQOBI
LE

THEFUNERAL

I
twasSat
urdayar
ound6am,
wewer
eint
het
ent
now.
Thechurchhadstay
edthewholenightsi
nging
andworshippi
ng,
wellZi
onpeopleneversl
eep
atafuneral
.

myspir
itwassti
lldown,i
thadbeenl
iket
his
si
nceyester
dayaround16:30whenmyFather
's
bodywasbroughthome.
Theysaidt
hecasketwon'
tgeti
nsi
deourhome
becausehewasstabbed.
Thet
entwasout
sidebl
ocki
ngt
her
oad.
MyFat
her'
scasketr
emai
nedatt
het
entwhen
t
heybr
oughti
t.

Ihatedthi
skindoftradi
ti
on,
whyt heywon'
t
al
lowhim home, i
twashishouse,nowhe
couldn'
tent
eritbecausehediedasaresul
tof
stabwounds
Ihadcri
edunt
ilIcouldn'
tany
more,itwasso
sadseei
nghim si
lentandpalei
nthatcoff
in

Iwasweak,
Isatwitht
hefamil
yatt
hef
ront
,the
cof
fi
nwasrighti
nfr
ontofus.
Hi
spi
ctur
ewaspl
acedont
opofi
t.

Theysangsadworshi
ppingsongsastheygot
readyt
oli
ftt
hecaskettothehear
se.
Icri
edalitt
lebitl
ouderasweexi
tedt
hetent
,
mamkhul uheldme, bab'
l
omkhul
uwasatthe
fr
ont,hesaidsomet hi
ngbef
oret
heyl
oadedthe
coff
inint
ot hehearse
Mymom wasdr owningissorr
ow,shewasso
weakandpale,
Ifel
tevenmor ebadforher
,she
hadcoll
apsedt
hepreviousdaywhenthecoffi
n
arr
ived.
Cebowasr
ightbesi
deZi
tha,
shewasal
soi
n
t
ear
s

Wegotinthet
wofamilycars,
thehear
sewasi
n
f
rontofusaswedrov
et othecemeter
y
,

Af ami
lytentwasal readysetatthecemeter
y,
theyplacedthecasketont opofthemental
holder
saswet ookourseat s,i
twascrowded,
somanyunf ami l
iarandf amil
i
arfaces,
someof
them weremydad' scol l
eagues.
Theyspokehi
ghl
yofhi
m.
Iknewmydadwasagoodman.ButInev
er
knewhewaslov
edt
hismuch.
Bab'
lomncaneGcinahadbeencrying,hi
seyes
weresor edAndauntphumzil
ewasj ustt
he
worst,
shecriedt
heloudestandkeptsaying
whoev erki
ll
edherbrot
herwil
lpay.
Ther
eweresoManyrel
ati
vesididn'
tknow,i
di
dn'
tevenknowt
hatmyfatherhadauntsand
uncl
es.
Ionl ygottomeett hem onWednesday ,when
theycamet heyact edl i
keheadsoft hefamily,
theywant edt hingst ogot heirway.Sot hey
causedal it
tl
ebi tofchaosbutbab' l
omkhul u
sur el
yputt hem i ntheirplaces.Theyf earedhim,
wel lIcouldn'
tbl amet hem though,
bab' l
omkhul uwasawel lr
espect edmanwho
didn'ttakeshit.Hedi dn'tentertai
nuseless
things,that'
swhyzi t
haandsf isoaresost r
aight,
theyknowbet tert hant omesswi t
hhim
,
,
Thepast
orstart
edquoti
ngfewv ersesthathad
todowit
hdeathandhowi twasnot hi
ngtobe
scar
edof.Accordi
ngtohim deat
hwasj ust
anot
hert
ermf orsl
eep,whenthetimecomes
wewer
eal
lgonnawakeupf
rom t
hist
inynap.
Basical
ly"
GodhasgivenandnowGodhas
taken"heremi
ndedusthatweareal
ltenant
sin
thi
swor l
d,wearenother
etostay
.
Myfat
herhadf
ini
shedhi
sjour
neyasweal
lwi
l
l
f
ini
shour
ssomeday.

It
ookat
ri
pdownmemor
ylane.
..
.
Dut y,decency ,r
eli
abil
ity,
honour,dignit
y ,
respect :t
hesear eall
qual i
ti
esthatmyf ather
notonl yheldinhighest eem,butpractised
everydaydur inghistimeont hi
sear t
h.Hewas
aseriousanddi sci
pli
nedman, buthecoul d
neverr esi
sttheoppor tunit
ytohav ealaughwi th
fri
endsandl ov edones, giv
enhalfthechance.

Hesawal otdur
inghi
slif
eti
me: awor
ldrav
aged
byapar
theid,
(heoncefoughti
nthest
ruggl
e),
andanuncert
ainworldwiththeColdWar ,
the
fail
i
ngeducat
ionsystem whichinf
luencedhis
viewsonthepost
-apart
heidwor l
dinwhi chhe
himsel
fgrewupand, l
ater
,raisedhisownf amil
y.

Dadwasasecondchi ld, whogr ewupi nand

aroundMbuzi niupunt ilhef ini
shedschool and
wentt okznt ost udymedi cine,that
'swherehe
metmom, theyfell i
nl ov eandgotmar ri
edt hen
theymov edtoNel spr uit.Theymar ri
edyoung–
attheage25–andr emai nedhappi l
ytogether
forov erhal facent ury, Dadwasa
straightforwar dmanwhodemandedl i
tt
lefrom
thosear oundhi m, andwhoexpect edonlythe
bestf rom hi sfamily.Pr ov i
dedhehear d
regularlyf r
om usal l–andsawuswhenev er
possi ble–hewascont ent .alt
houghinhisf i
nal
day s.Wewer eapar tbecauseofmybehav ior,
thatbondwasnev erbr oken.
Tome,
Dad’
sfi
nestqual
i
tywashi
spat
ience:
an
i
nher entabi li
tytoli
sten,t
oabsor bandtooffera
pointofv iewbasedonqui et
,measuredwisdom.
I
’l
l nev erf
or gettheti
mewhenIaskedhi m
whi chsubj ectsishouldchooseonmyt ent
h
grade: “Dowhaty oufeel,whatyoubeli
eveis
ri
ght .Foll
owy ourgut,yourhear
t,andyoucan’t
gowr ong”
It
’sdiffi
cul
ttoimagi nehi m notbeingar ound
andI’m notsurehowwewi l
lallcope.Mom, i
mi,
ceboandI ,wewi ll misshi m dearly.I
t’
sst range
tothi
nkt hatIcan’ tj
ustgi vehim acal lor
convincehimt obuymet helatestphone.Dad' s
l
ifewascutshor tbecauseofcr i
minals,Idon't
understandwhyt heykilledhim, Imeant hey
didn'
ttakehisphone, Awal l
etfullofcash, orhis
car.Whyst abamanmor ethant hreeti
mesand
nottakeany thi
ngofv alue.IhopeGodwi llbri
ng
hiskil
lerstojust
icebecauset heytookawayt he
mosti mportantpar tofmyl if
e
Mydaddi
dn'
tdeser
vet
odi
e
,

Thechurchst
artedhumming"asi
hlabel
ele
kokugci
nangaye"asthecof
fi
nwentdown

"owh,whyme,whydidtheyt
akehi
m away
"my
motherbr
okedownintoahowl
"Jaden,
Mphi kel
eliNkosi
,dlamini,wena
wekunene,sifi
ki
leendli
niyakhoy okugci
na,may
yoursoulfi
ndpeace, aswel ayyouhere,havea
safepassageandmayourancest or
saccept
yourspi
rit
,Ndlelanhl
e"bab'
lomkhul usai
d

Ever
yoneevent
ual
l
yst
art
edcr
yingast
hecasket
wentdown

"welayhi
sspi
ri
ttorest,
ashestoashes,dustt
o
dust
,myGodaccepthissoul
"thepastorsai
d
Tearsrol
leddownmycheeks, Iwasnotonl
y
cryi
ngformyDad, Iwascr
yingbecauseofthe
thoughtt
hatsomedayitwouldbeme, dr
if
ti
ng
downi nacasket
.

Throughmytear
s,Icoul
dseeJethr
ointhe
crowd,Iwasgl
adHecame, i
tshowedthathe
cared.

Webowedourheadsandthepastorsai
da
shor
tpr
ayer
,thenendedt
heservi
ce.
,

Aswewal kedbackt ot
hecars,Ilookedback
onemor et i
me, ,
,
,myfat
herwasagoodman, a
tal
l,dar
k,handsomechar act
erwhose
reassur
ingpr esenceweallf
eltduri
ngdiff
icul
t
t
imes.

Aswehavegatheredheret
odayt oremember
andcommemor at
ehisli
fe,
webi dhi mfar
ewel
l
aswemournthelossofalivel
y,digni
fi
edsoul
.
Asoult
hatbr
oughtjoyandfulfi
l
mentt omany,
andwhosel
egacywi l
ll
iv
eonf orever.

Hewi
l
lal
way
sremai
ninmyhear
t.

Ihopedhi
ssoul
wil
lresti
nper
fect
.peace.

#admi
n
[
5/19,
21:
05]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYTHI
RTYFOUR
#NQOBI
LE

wecamef rom thecemet ery

,washourhandsby
thegatebefor
eentering,peopl
ewenttothel
ine
forfoodwhil
eIwentst rai
ghttomyroom,
kickedof
fmyheel stheywer eki
ll
i
ngme.
Ichangedi
ntoal
oosel
ongdr
ess,
thenwor
efl
i
p
fl
ops.

Iwasst
il
l busyt
ryi
ngt
oti
emyscar fwhenI
hear
dnoisescomingf
rom downst
air
s.

Iti
editl
oosel
ythenrushedoutmyroom,
the
noisewascomingfr
om thelounge.

Agoodl
ooki
ngwomani
nabi
tbel
owt
hekneel
s
blackbodyhuggingdressandablackhatwas
shouti
ngherlungsout.Ihadseenherwalki
ng
withauntphumzileearl
i
er.
Mamkhuluwasonthet hr
eesit
tercouch,
oneof
myfather
'saunt
swasholdingherhand,i
tlooks
l
ikeshehadbeencr
ying.

Bab'
l
omkhuluwasonhisf
eet,
gci
nawason
anot
hercouchwi
thhi
suncl
e.
Therewassomuchnoi secomingfr
om the
womani nabl ackdr
ess,shesurel
ookedso
elegantthough,t
hat
'swhyIwassosur pr
isedas
towhycoul dsuchabeautif
ulwomanbe
screamingabout.

"
Onaganagor eomangmar awena,howdar e
y
ou,Nhlakanipho,youranaway,Itr
iedcall
ing
y
ou,Iwrotesomanyl et
ter
stoy outel
li
ngyou
t
hatIwaspr egnantyouneverresponded.And
whenIbumpedi ntoyouIshowedy oumybel l
y,
youtoldmetoabor tt
hepregnancy.Nowy ou
arehereaski
ngmehowi syourson"thewoman
shouted,
whoa,didshejustcal
ledBab'l
omkhulu
byhisname,onl
ygr annyusedtocallhi
m by
thatname.Notmanypeopl eknewit.

Butwait
,di
dshesayshewasoncepregnantf
or
Bab'
lomkhul
u,
,how,when,
whothefuckwas
she.
"IonlyaskedbecauseIf oundoutthatyoukept
thebaby,Ididn'texpectyoutocreatesucha
sceneinmybr other'
sfuneral
"Bab'
lomkhulu
saidcal
ml y
.
"bathong,am creat
ingascene,doy ouhaveany
i
deahowIsuf fer
edbecausethebabykept
gett
ingsick,
Iwentt oyourhousetolookforyou
butyourmot hertol
dmet hatyouwer emarr
ied
andy oumov edtoKZN, Iwasbroken,Icr
ied
nightandday,Iwasaloneunempl
oyedwitha
baby ,
hel
lyounev ert
oldmeyouweremar r
ied
wheny ousleptwithme.Howdidyouevendoi t
,
howwasIsost upidt
onothavesuspect
eda
thing.
Imeany outookmet oyourhouseacoupl
eof
ti
mes, howwer eyouabletosleepwit
hmeat
yourhomewi thoutyourwifeknowi
ng"shewas
nowr ed,andwasbreathingheavi
ly
.

"yabonaaunty
,Isai
dit,
ItoldyouthatNhlaka
hadanotherki
doutther
ebuty oudidn'
tbeli
eve
me, y
outhoughtIwaslyi
ng,yousaidIwas
j
ealousandIhatedl
indi
wemanj eyinil
e"ncane
phumzil
esaidtoheraunt.

"shutupphumzile,
weallknowyouhat
el i
ndiwe,
you'vehatedbot
hyourbr
other
'swi
vesever
sincetheygotmarr
iedt
othisf
amil
y,am sure
youaretheonewhoi
nvi
tedt
hiswomanhere"
heruncl
esaid,
hewasol
dandhadgreyhai
r.

"Ididn'
tinvi
teJoycehere,i
tsafuneral
,
everyoneiswelcomed.Iam notthecauseof
thi
s,Nhlakashouldhavebeenhonesttohis
wife,heshouldhavetoldhert
het r
uthabout
Joyceandt hepregnancy"ncanephumzilesai
d.

"phumzi l
ePleasekeepquiet,
skoniisi
nthe
otherroom mourningherhusband,andyoual
l
areherecausingchaos,youshouldbe
ashamedofy our
selv
es"bab'
lomncaneGcina
said.

Forawhi
l
eev
ery
onekeptqui
et.
Mamkhul
ufi
nal
l
yst
oodupf
rom t
hecouch.
Mrnkosi
:babywai
t,wher
ear
eyougoi
ng.

Hehel
dherhand.

"am goingtomysist
er,Idon'
tneedt
his,y
ou
peopl
eshouldsortoutyourmessandleaveme
outofit
"sheyankedherhandoutofhisgri
p
thenwalkedaway.

"ar
eyouhappynow,seewhaty
ouhav
edone"
hesai
dtoJoyce.

"hebanna,doy ouheary
oursel
f,Idi
dn'
tdo
anythi
ng.Yourl
iesandsecr
etscausedt
his"
Joyceanswered.

Mrnkosi
:fi
ne,
butIneedt
oknowmyson,
you
shoul
dtel
lhim aboutmeheismineaf
ter
all
,
youcan'
tkeepusapartf
orev
er.

Joy
ce:
wat
chme.

"youneedtocomedownmydaughter
,thi
s
needstobefi
xed"myfat
her
'suncl
esai
d.

Joyce:
andwhenyouar
ereadyt
ofi
xity
ou
knowwheret
ofindme.

Withthatsai
dshewalkedout,
herheel
shit
ti
ng
harderonthefl
oor
,al
lthewhil
eIwasbythe
door,Zi
thacameoutfrom t
hedini
ngroom.She
l
ookedsad.

"hey
,you'
vebeenl
i
steni
ng"Iasked,
Iknewshe
waseavesdr
oppi
ng,
Imeanwheny ouarei
nthe
di
ningar
eayoucanhearev
ery
thi
ngfrom t
he
l
ounge.

Shetookadeepbreathe."howcoul
dthi
sbe
possi
ble"shef
inal
lysaid.

Me:
what
'
sreal
l
ygoi
ngon.

Her:
apparent
lydadhasason,hei
soldert
han
al
lofusandhisnameisThabangorsomethi
ng.
Mr
:whoat
hat
's.
..
..
am shocked,
howwhen.
Her:
Idon'
tknow,
all
Iknowi
sthi
sisgonna
br
eakmom.
Di
dyouseeSf
iso,
Ineedt
otal
ktohi
m.

Me:
Ilastsawhi
m goi
ngt
ohi
sroom whenwe
camebackf
rom t
hecemet
ery
.

Her
:ohk,
letmegol
ookf
orhi
m.

Shewalkedawaybef
oreIcoul
dev
ensay
anyt
hingel
se.

Iwaslef
tst
andingi
nthedi
ningroom,Iqui
etl
y
l
ist
enedinwhenIhear
dtheelder
stal
king.

Mkhul
u1:weneedtogoseet
hatgi
rlr
ightaway
,
t
heboyneedstocomehome.Uyev
a
Nhl
akani
pho.

Mrnkosi
:yesuncl
e,butwhataboutmywi
fe,
t
hisWil
ldest
roymyf ami
ly
.
Granny:
youshoul
dhavethoughtaboutt
hat
befor
esleepi
ngar
ound.
Youwillhav
etot
alkt
oyourwi
fe,
makeher
under
stand.

Mkhul
u2:i
mpel
a,y
ouhav
etomanupandf
ix
t
hismess.
Ifmybrot
herwasstil
lar
oundyouknowthathe
wouldhavesuggest
edthaty
outakejoy
ceasa
secondwif
e.

Mrnkosi
:thatwon'
thappen,Dadi
snotaround
sol
et'
snotmakedecisionbasedonwhathe
woul
dhavesaid.

Granny
:fi
ne,
wewill
findawayt
ofi
xthi
s.And
Gcinawehavet
otal
kt oy
ou.
Gci
na:
aboutwhat
.

Mkhul
u1:
isn'
ti
tear
lyf
orust
odi
scusst
hat
,
Mart
a.

Granny
:it
snevertooear
lyforany
thi
ng, gci
na
hastoknowthathehasresponsi
bil
i
tiesnow.

Gcina:whatr
esponsi
bil
i
ties.Whati
sgoi
ngon
aunty.
Gr
anny:youmustknowt hatnowthatyour
br
otherMphikel
eli
isgone,youwi
l
l hav
et ot
ake
ov
erhisduti
es.

Gci
na:t
akeov
erhi
sdut
ieshow,
whatdoy
ou
mean.
Gr
anny
:youwi
l
lhav
etot
akephi
ndi
l
easy
our
wi
fe,
bet
heheadoft
hisf
ami
l
y.
"WHAT!,ar
eyoupeopl
enut
s"Bab'
l
omkhul
u
shout
ed.

"mybr ot
her
'sbodyhasnoteventouchedt
he
groundandyouarealr
eadytal
ki
ngaboutme
taki
ngoverhi
slif
e.
Iwon'
tdothat
,never
,Iwil
lnotmar r
ymysi st
er
i
nlaw"Gci
nasaid."youpeoplearecrazy
"he
addedt
henstoodupandexitedthelounge,

Istoodt
herewithmymouthhanging,wer
ethis
peoplef
orreal
,whyonear
thcouldtheysuggest
suchathing.

"Iwil
lnotal
lowt
hattohappen"Bab'
l
omkhul
u
sai
dbeforeheal
solef
ttheroom.
"don'
tworry
,lett
hem be,theywil
ll
earnto
under
stand,
thisi
sourtradit
ion"grannysai
d.

Iwal
kedawayfrom t
hedoorbef
oreIhear
anyt
hingel
set
hatwasnotmeantformyears.

NowIam cert
aint
hatIbel
ongedtoa
dysf
uncti
onal
fami
lywhichwasful
lofl
i
esand
secr
ets.
Iwassuremymot herwouldnev eragreetothi
s,
shewil
lneveragreetomar rybablomncane
Gci
na.Thiswasj ustabsurd,t
hiseldersneeded
tol
eavebeforetheydestroymyf ami l
y.

Iwalkedout
sideandj
etwasst
andi
ngbyhi
scar
wit
hsomeguy s,
iWentov
ert
ohim.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#SETH

Iwalkedthr
ought
hehospi
tal
cor
ri
dor
sdown
thehall
way.
Ient
eredimi
'sward,iopenedthedoorslowly
andshewassleeping,i
tsthefirstt
imeIsawher
asl
eep,butt
henursedidsayt heygaveher
somethi
ngsothatshecoul dsleepbecauseshe
coul
dn't

Isatonthechai
rbesi
deherbed,
Istar
edather
fort
helongestwhi
le,
shel
ookedpeaceful
,
al
thoughthescar
sonherf
acewer
eso
di
sturbi
ng.

"Imi
ssy
ou"Isai
d,i
twasmor
eli
keawhi
sper
.

"Iknowyoufeel
li
keyouareal
oneri
ghtnowbut
Iwantyout
oknowt haty
ouarenot
.
Iam her
efory
ou,
Iwi
l
lal
way
sbet
her
efory
ou.
Il
oveyousomuchandIknowt hatyouare
goi
ngthr
oughalotbutam gonnawaitfory
ou,
I
wil
lwai
tfory
ouunti
lyouarereadyt
ol oveme.
IknowIwannabui
ldmyhomewithyou,wi
ll
haveaper
fectl
i
fe,
twobeaut
if
ulchi
l
dren.
Wearegonnabehappy"Il
aughedt
hrought
he
t
ear
s.

"
Pleasebest
rong,
fightt
his,
fightt
hisf
orme,
f
orusandourf
utur
e.BecauseAf
utur
ewi
thout
y
ouinitwi
l
lbenofutur
eforme.
Il
oveyou"Iki
ssedherf
oreheadt
hensatback
downandwatchedhersl
eep.
I
twasn'
tl
ongbef or
eIhear
dsomeoneclear
ing
hi
sthr
oat.Il
ookedupanditwasSf
iso.
Hestoodbythedoor
,st
ari
ngatmewi
th
bur
ningeyes.
Iwonder
edwhatwaswr
ongwi
thhi
m.

#admi
n

Sor
ryforthemi
niski
rtguy
s,Ihav
eav
erybusy
weekend
[
5/20,
20:
38]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L
ENTRYTHI
RTYFI
VE

#SETH

Hekeptst
ari
ngatme.

"owhWhat
supbr
o"Isai
d.

"j
ah"heanswer
edcol
dly
.

Thenther
ewasanawkwar
dsi
l
ence.Hecame
cl
osertothebed.

"she'
sasl
eep,
thenur
segav
ehersomet
hingt
o
hel
phersl
eep.
"Isai
d.
Hi
m:Iknow, shetol
dme,Iguesssheforgett
o
ment
ionthatther
ewassomeoneher e.

Me:
owh,
Ijustgother
e,Ihav
en'
tdonemuch

Him:seemsli
keyouhadpl
ent
ytosay
,what
'
s
yourpl
andude.

Me:
whatpl
an,
whatar
eyouonabout
.

Him:whatdoy ouwantfr
om i
mi,
whatisit
,do
youfeel
sorr
yf orher
,ar
ether
enotenough
whit
egirl
shere.

Me:
Ist
il
ldon'
tgetwhaty
ouar
esay
ing.

Hi
m:IsayIwon'
tal
l
owy
out
ousei
mi,
she'
snot
av
ail
abl
e.

Me:butthelastti
meIcheckedshewassingl
e,
andIlov
ei mi,Iwi
llnev
eruseher
.Ihavel
oves
herf
rom theveryfi
rstti
meIsawher.

Hi
m:andt
henNqobi
l
e.

Il
ookedathi
mindi
sbel
i
ef.

"yeahIknowabouty ouandher ,di

dn'
tyoul
ove
her,howcany oumov efrom onesi
stert
oThe
other,i
sthatyourst
yle,
usingwomananddump
them wheneverthenextbestthi
ngshowsup"
hesaid.

Iwast
onguet
iedt
osayt
hel
east
.
"dudeyougotmeal lwrong,
Idon'
tknowwhat
youheardaboutmebutIassureyouIam nota
badperson,Igenui
nel
ylovei
mi"It
ri
edto
defendmyhonor ,

Iwasbeingcomplet
elyhonest
,Ir
eal
l
ylovedi
mi,
morethanIeverl
ovedanygirl
inmyenti
rel
if
e.

Iwon'tl
ieIdi
ddatenqobibutt
her
ewasnol
ove
ther
e,sheonlydat
edmebecauseIwast
he
mostpopularguyi
nschool.

WhenIfirstdatedherIlovedher
,shewasa
goodperson,calm,coll
ectedanddowntoeart
h
butever
ythingchangedt hemomentshejoi
ned
theTEECEEgr oup,shestart
edsmoking.
Shedrankandpart
iedal
ot.Shestar
ted
cheat
inganddevel
opedaverydryat
tit
ude.

Ihadt
obeghert
obewi thme,andwhenshe
waswit
hmeshewoul daskmef ormoney
,al
ot
ofmoney,
sowekindadri
ft
edapart.

Itol
dhersomanyti
mesthatIwasn'
tkeenon
ourrel
ati
onshi
pany
mor
e.
Ihadtr
iedmorethanacoupl
eoft
imest
oend
thi
ngsbetweenuswaybefor
eIev
enmetimi
.

ImaybeaplayeryesbutwhenIdof
ind
someoneIl
ove,Idolovef
orreal
.
Il
ovedNqobil
ebutherbi
tchyl
i
fe,
endedal
lthat
l
oveIhadforher
.
"youknowwhat ,
Iappr
eci
atet
hatyoutr
iedt
o
savei
mi butfr
om nowonyouneedtost
ay
awayfrom her
.
Idon'
tbuyy ouract.Iam aguyremember ,I
knowy ourtype,y
ouonl ythi
nkyouloveimi
becauseyouhav en'tgot
teninherpantsyet
,
onceyoudoy ougonnadumpherl ikeahot
potat
o,shehasbeent hr
oughal ot
,shedoesn'
t
needthatinherli
fer i
ghtnow."Hesaid.

"whoar eyoutodecidewhat'
sbestf
orher,
imi
i
sabi ggir
l,shecanmakeherowndecisi
on,you
arenotherdecisi
onmaker"Iwasgett
ingabit
agit
ated

"
Iwil
lnotst
ayawayfr
om i
mi,
andy
oucannot
makeme"Iadded.
Hegavemeadeadlyst
are,Iguesshewas
aboutt
osaysomet
hingbutimistar
tedshaki
ng
i
nthebed.

"no,
,no,,
,st
ayawayfrom me, l
eavemealone"
shecri
ed,weLookedatherandi tl
ooksli
keshe
wasasleep,shewasdri
ppinginsweats,
her
machinestart
edbeat
inglouder.

"i
mi,
imi
"Ishookhersof
tl
y.

"pl
ease,pl
easestop,st
op,youar
ehur
ti
ngme"
shekeptcr
ying,
tearsst
reameddownherf
ace.

"Mimi,Mimiwakeup,
youar
esaf
e,openy
our
eyes"sfi
sosai
d.
Me:
Ithi
nkweshoul
dcal
lthenur
se.

Hi
m:y
eahgoaheadandcal
lher
.

Irushedoutandgotanur
set
hencamewi
thher
backtotheroom.

Imiwassti
l
lbeggi
ngandcry
ingandsf
isowas
sti
l
ltr
yingt
owakeherup.

Thenur
ser
ushedt
ohersi
de.

Shei
nject
edsomet
hingonherwr
istandshe
wokeup.

"wher
eam I
"shesai
d.
"youar
einahospi
tal
remember"t
henur
se
sai
d.

Her
:no,
theywannahur
tme,
youhav
etost
op
t
hem.

Nurse:it
sohk,y ouaresafehere,j
ustcal
m
down, br
eathslowly,
y ouaresafe,
noonewil
l
hur
ty ouinhere.
Br
eat
he,
inandout
.

Shebreat
hedandIcouldseet
hatshewas
sl
owlygai
ninghersenses.

"
Set
h,y
ouar
eher
e"shespoke.
Me:yesam her
e,y
ouar
eSaf
eNow,
noonewi
l
l
hur
tyou.

Sheswal
l
owedhar
dandl
ookedatsf
iso.

"am gl
ady
oubot
hher
e"shesai
d.

"andwewill
alwaysbether
e,don'
twor
ry,
ever
ythi
ngwil
lbealr
ight
"sf
isosai
d.

Thenursel
eft
,westayedanditwasawkwar
d
becausenoonewantedtospeak.
Af
terawhi
l
eIsai
dmygoodby
esandl
eft
.
Iwenttomycargoti nanddr
ovetotown
feel
ingemot
ional,If
eltl
i
keIwasgonnal
oose
i
mi andIdi
dn'tknowwhattodo.
Mychestf el
tli
keitwassuf
focat
ing,
itwasso
painf
ulanditfeel
sli
kesomeonehadplaceda
rockonit.

Ipar
kedonthesideofther
oadi
nthemi
ddl
eof
nowher
e,gotoutandtr
iedt
othi
nk.

Iwant
edthi
spaint
oend,Iwantedi
mit
olov
e
mejustasmuchasIl
ovedher.
Iwant
edhert
obemyf or
ever
,whyshoul
dithur
t
thi
smuchtol
ovesomeone.

.
..
..
mom saysyoushoul
dcomebackwithtwo
boxesofpi
zza"i
twasatextmessagef
rom
Sarah.
Mom hadboughtheranewphone.
"whi
chf
lav
or"Isentt
het
ext
.

.
..
.somethi
ngcheezy
,andpepper
oni
.
...She
t
extedback.

It
ookoutacigar
etteandhadasmoke, I
smokedwheneverIfeltst
ressed,
andr
ightnow
Iwasdrowni
nginstress.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#NARRATED.

Sf
isohadr
emai
nedbehi
nd.Hesatont
hechai
r.

"wher
eisceboandhowi
sshe"i
miasked.

Sf
iso:
home,
she'
sfi
ne,
consi
der
ing.

Shel
etoutal
azysmi
l
e.

"t
hat
'sbet
ter
,howdi
dthef
uner
algoandhowi
s
ev
ery
one".
Sfi
so:i
twentwell
,andever
yoneiscopi
ng,
they
can'
twaitf
oryoutogetbet
terandcomehome.

"Ican'
twai
ttogohome,Iam ti
redoft
hispl
ace,
i
tslonel
yanditsmel
l
ssoterr
ibl
e"

Sf
iso:
am sur
eit
snott
hatbad.

"Itel
lyouit
sworse,
Icangi
veany
thi
ngf
ora
fr
eshairri
ghtnow"

Sfi
sost
aredatherf
orawhi
l
e,hef
eltbadf
or
her
.

"what
'
swrong"sheaskedseei
ngt
hatsf
iso
wasst
ari
ng.
Sf
iso:
not
hing,
am f
ine

"Idon'
tneedtobeashri
nkt
oseet
haty
ou'
re
notfi
ne,what
'sgoi
ngon"

Sfiso:Isweari
tsnot
hing,
Ijusthadal
ongday
that'
sall.

"ohkyt
hen,
ify
ousayso,
Iam happyy
oucame
"

Sf
iso:
andi
am happyt
obeher
e,seei
ngy
ou
makesmehappy
.

Sheneveransweredthat.I
nst
eadshejust
tal
kedaboutthehospit
al f
oodandst
uff.
Sfi
socouldseethatshewaschangi
ngt
het
opi
c
sosheletherbe.
Theytal
kedforawhi
l
ethenv
isi
ti
nghour
swer
e
over
,helef
t

Hekeptthi
nki
ngaboutSethandwhathehear
d
hi
m say.Hewonder
edifimihear
danyofit
.
Woul
ditbepossi
blet
hatshemi
ghtchoosehi
m.

Well
shesawhowhappyshewaswhenshe
sawhim.

Heswal
lowedhar
datthethoughtthathemight
l
oosei
mi.Thi
ngswer
er eal
lynotgoingwel
lfor
hi
m.
Hehadjustf
oundoutthathisf
atherhasason,
hi
sparent
s'marr
iagemightbeindangernow
hewasgonnaloosethegir
lheloved.
Hi
sphoner
ang,
Nel
l
yfl
ashedont
hescr
een.

Hi
m:Nel
l
y.

Nel
l
y:uhm hi
,babear
eyouohk.

Hi
m:y
ahwhy
.

Nel
ly
:that'
sbecauseyounevercal
lmebymy
nameunlessyouareangr
y,sowhat'sup.

Hi
m:ei
sham sor
ry,
Ijusthadal
ongday
,
Nel
l
y:what
'
sgoi
ngon.

Hi
m:i
tsaf
ami
l
ymat
ter
,Iwi
l
ltel
lyoual
labouti
t
whenIgetback.

Nel
ly:
ohkt
hen,
Imi
ssedy
ou,
youhar
dlycal
lthi
s
day
s.

Hi
m:t
her
ewasaf
uner
albabyIwasbusy
.
Nel
l
y:ohkf
ine,
whenar
eyoucomi
ngback.

Hi
m:am notr
eal
l
ysur
e,Iwi
l
ltel
lyou.

Nel
l
y:ohw,
pleasebewel
landIl
ovey
ou.

Hi
m:t
hanxbabe,
bye.

Hedr
oppedthecal
landfel
tbadbecausehe
hadf
all
ensodeepl
yfori
mi t
hathestar
ted
negl
ect
ingNel
l
y.
Hehadcomplet
elyf
orgott
enabouther
,wel
l
Nel
lywasagoodgir
l,hi
smotherlov
edherso
much.
Sheal
way
ssai
dshewant
edherasadaught
er
i
nlaw.

Hewipedhisf
ace,
howcoul
dthi
ngsbet
his
compli
cat
ed.

Heshoul
dbedr i
vinghomebuthecoul
dn'
t.
Bei
ngatthathousewasgonnabeworset
han
any
thi
ng.Hewoul dhavet
owatchhismot
her
goi
ngthr
oughpainandshame.

Hesighthi
nkingabouthowmuchheusedt
o
r
especthisdad.
Hel
ookedupt
ohi
m,hewasawel
lrespect
ed
manandhasalwaystaughtt
hem pri
ncipl
es.
Nowhowwouldhelookedathimt hesameway
agai
n.HowCouldhi
sf at
herhi
desuchasecret.

Hestar
tedt
hecaranddrov
eoutoft
hehospi
tal
f
eel
ingdownanddefeat
ed.
Beingherewi
thi
mii
smuchbet
tert
hangoi
ngt
o
thehouse.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#NQOBI
LE

Jetsuggest
edwegoti
nhi
scarandst
ayed
ther
e.

"sorr
yaboutyourdad,
judgingbythecrowd
todayIcoul
dtel
lhewasloved"hesaid.

Me:
hewas,
itwasr
eal
l
yagr
eatser
vice.

Hi
m:Iwi
shIshoul
dhav
emethi
m.

Me:
youwoul
dhav
elov
edhi
m.

Hi
m:wel
lIhav
esomet
hingt
otel
lyou.
Me:
whati
sit
,yousoundser
ious.

Hi
m:Iwantust
ogetmarr
ied,
Iwanty
out
o
movei
nwithmeaf
tery
ougivebi
rt
h.

Me:
what
,ar
eyouser
ious.

Him:yes,Iwantustobetoget
her
,Imi
ssyou
andIhatethefactt
hatIhavet
odri
vej
ustt
o
seeyou.

Me:
butJet
.

Hi
m:butwhat
,don'
tyoul
oveme.
Me:
IdobutIdon'
tthi
nki
tst
her
ightt
imef
or
metogetmar
ri
ed.
Am st
il
lyoungandmymom wi
l
lnotal
l
owi
t

Jet
:mamasi
ta,
it'
snoty
ourmot
her
'sdeci
sion
i
tsyour
s
Iwanty
ouclose,
andIdon'
tUnder
standwhywe
gott
owait
,Imeanwegonnabepat ent
ssoon.
Iwantoursont
ober ai
sedbybot
hpar
ent
s.
Don'
tyouwantthat
.

Me:
Idobutget
ti
ngmar
ri
edi
sahugest
ep.

Jet
:astepwegonnat
ake,am gonnamar
ryy
ou
Nqobi
l
eandnoonewillst
opme.

Ikeptqui
et.
Jet:
don'
tbesad,am doi
ngt
hisf
orourson,
soonyouwil
lseethat
.

Me:
myf
ami
l
ywon'
tagr
ee,
am t
ooy
oung.

Jet
:theywi
ll
havetonametheirpr
icebecause
am r
eadytopayanyt
hingf
oryou.
Me:
whataboutTher
esa,
whatwi
l
lyout
ell
her
.

Jet
:Ihav
eendedt
hingswi
thher
,shei
snott
he
ki
ndofwomanIwant.
It
oldherwecanco-par
ent
,Iwi
l
ltakecar
eof
myangel.That
'sal
l
.

Me:youknowhowcr
azyshei
s,whati
fshe
comesaft
erme.
Hi
m:shewon'tIpr
omi seyou,Iwi
ll
givey
ou
ev
ery
thi
ngyourheartdesi
res.Youaremy
womanandIli
kemywomant obehappy.

Me:
ohk,
wel
luhmmm

"shhh,
pleasedomet hi
shonorandsayyes,
pl
easebemywi f
e"hesaid,
Ilookeddownand
hehadadi amondri
ngonhishand.
ISt
aredati
tspeechl
ess,Ireal
l
ydidn'
texpect
hi
mt ogothi
sfar.MydadjustdiedandIam
waytooyoungformarr
iage.

#admi
n
[
5/21,
16:
35]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYTHI
RTYSI
X

#I
MINATHI

Fourweeksl
aterIgotr
eleasedfr
om t
he
hospi
tal
,i
twasjustaweekbef or
eChri
stmas.
Sfisofetchedmef r
om thehospit
al,Iwasmuch
betternowal t
houghmybal ancewasnott hat
stable,myspinehadn'thealcompletely
,my
kneecaphadn' thealal
sosoIwasusi ng
crutches.

Iworemyl ongsleeveT-
shi
rt
,andabar
gyj
ean
wit
hfli
p-f
lops.Ipackedmythi
ngsi
nmybag.
Sf
isowal
kedi
njustasIwaszi
ppi
ngt
hebag.
"al
ldoneIsee"hesai
d

Me:
doneanddust
ed.
Hi
m: seemsli
key
oucoul
dn'
twai
ttogetoutof
t
hisplace.
Me:
youhav
enoi
dea.
Him:wellt
hen,Ihavesi
gnedyourdi
scharge
papers,
wewi l
lhavetopassbythedi
spensary
togetyourpr
escri
pti
on.
Me: downer
,Iwashopi
ngther
ewi
llbenopil
ls,
am sotir
edofdri
nki
ngthem,myt
hroatcan'
t
takeanymore.

Him:well
youhav
etot
aket
hem unt
ily
ouget
bett
er.
Me:
yeahr
ight
.

Ri
ghtt
henmyphoner
ang,
itwasSet
hcal
l
ing.

"Set
h,hi
"Ianswer
edwi
thasmi
l
e.

Hi
m:i
mi,
Hi,
howar
eyouf
eel
i
ngt
oday
.

Me:
muchbet
tert
hanky
ou.

Hi
m: uhm sodi
dtheydi
schar
gey
ouy
et,
cani
f
etchyou.

Me:yeahthey'
vedischar
gedme,andsf
isoi
s
al
readyhere,
thanxforoff
eri
ngt
hough.
Him:ohohk,i
sitfinei
fIcancomeandcheck
upony ouf
rom t
imet oti
me,Ipr
omiseIwon'
t
causeanyt
roubles.

Me:it
sohk,Idon'
tthi
nkmymom wi
l
lmi
nd,
Iwi
l
l
askhert
hough.

Hi
m:t
hanky
ou.
Me:
yourwel
come

Thent
her
ewassomesi
l
ence.

"uhm by
e,hav
eagoodday
"hesai
d.

Me:
yout
oo,
bye.
Idr
oppedt
heCal
l
.

"soSet
h..
..Whatdi
dhewant
"sf
isoaskedwi
th
hi
seyebr
owr ai
sed.

Me;
hewant
edt
ofet
chmef
rom t
hehospi
tal
.
Hi
m:owh.
..
.

Me:
andheaskedi
fhecanv
isi
t.

Hi
m:canhe?

Me:
Ithi
nkso.
..
Him:don'
tyout
hinki
twon'
tseem r
ight
,aguy
checki
nguponyouathome.
Me:Idon'
tthi
nkitwi
ll
,i
tsjustani
nnocentvisi
t,
hesavedmylif
ehedeservesthechance.Buti
wil
ltal
ktomom aboutit
.

Hi
m:mmh,
ohkt
hen,
weshoul
dgo.

Hetookmybagandexi
ted,
Itookmyphone
andcrut
chesandl
i
mpedafterhi
m.
Ihadt
osaygoodbyetosomeofthenur
ses
whobecamefr
iendsovermyst
ayhere.
Wewenttothedispensar
y,gott
hepi
l
ls,
then
wentt
othecar.

"you'
vebeenawf ul
l
yquiet
,ist
hereany
thi
ng
wrong"iaskedseei
nghowquietsfi
sowasal
lof
thesudden
Hi
m:notatal
l,am f
ine,
justhadaf
ewt
hingsi
n
mymindthat
'sal
l

Me:
wannat
alk

Hi
m:no,
itsper
sonal
,doy
ouper
hapswanna
gr
ababi
tebefor
ewegethome.

Me:nothanky
ou,
Iam t
ir
ed,Ij
ustwannageti
n
mycosynonsmel
li
ngbedandsleep
Hi
m:f
ine.
,ar
eyoucomf
ort
abl
e.

Me:
yesIam.

Hest
art
edt
hecaranddr
ovet
othehousei
n
si
l
ence.
Ideci
dedt
ost
opaski
ngquest
ionsandl
ethi
m
be,
Ilookedoutt
hewi
ndowwi
thmymi
ndmi
l
es
away.
,
,
Wegothome,hepar
kedont
hedr
ivewayt
hen
hel
pedmeoutoft
hecar
.
Het
ookmybagandwewal
kedi
ntot
hehouse.

"Surpr
ise"voicessai
dassoonasweopened
thedoor,jumpedi nshock,myhear
tal
most
stopped,Ireall
ywassur pr
ised.

Il
ookedar oundandev er
yonewashere,my
fr
iends,Seth,
cebo,Nqobil
e,Zit
ha,mom and
zi
tha'sparent
s,wit
hsomeot herpeopl
eIdidn'
t
evenknow.Thel oungewasf ul
l.
"
Wel
comehome"sf
isowhi
sper
ed.

"
Damnyouknewaboutt
his,
whydi
dn'
tyout
ell
me"i
whisper
edback
"andrui
nthesur
pri
se,
nev
er"hesai
dwi
tha
smile.

"
Wow,t
hisi
ssobeaut
if
ul,
thanky
ou"Isai
d
f
eel
i
ngover
whel
med

"Wel
comehomemydear"mom sai
dwit
htears,
shehel
dmeinherwar
m embr
aceforawhil
e.
Thenshef
inal
l
ybr
oket
hehug.

"ubuyi
l
e"cebosai
dwithsomuchexuber
ance,
shesqueezemeinti
ght
ly
"Imi
ssedy
ou"shesai
d.

Me:
Imi
ssy
out
oo.Butnotsot
ightohk.

Shel
oosenedhergr
ipabi
t,shehuggedmef
or
awhi
le.

"don'
tev
erl
eav
emeagai
n"shef
inal
l
ysai
d.

Me:
iwon'
tIpr
omi
se.

Shepul
l
edaway
,

"welcomehomesisi
,i
tsgoodt
oseey
ou"
Zi
tha'smot
hersai
d.
Me:
thanxMr
snkosi
.

Ever
yoneexpr
essedhowhappyt
heywer
eto
seeme.

Thenaft
erthef
ormali
ti
es,
theyputsomemusic
andever
yoneEnjoy
edthemsel
vesexceptf
or
me.

Isatont
hechai
randpl
ayedwi
thmyj
uice.

"hey,
arey
ouohkt
hough"Zi
thasai
dsi
tt
ing
besi
deme

Me:
notr
eal
l
y,am j
ustt
ir
ed.

Her
:youwannar
est
.
Inodded.

"anywaywhat
'sgoi
ngon,isNqobi
lewearingan
engagementr
ingonherl
eftf
inger
"iasked.
Her:wel
lshei
s..
.hi
sbabydaddypr
oposedf
ew
weeksback
Lastweekt
herewasherdowrydi
scussion
that'
swhymostpeopl
edidn'
tl
eav
eaf t
erthe
funeral
.

Me:
owhwow,
that
'ssof
ast
,what
'
sther
ush.

Her:Ihavenoidea,
hermothert
ri
edtostopher
fr
om thisbutshemadeitcl
eart
hatitwasher
deci
sion,It
hinkmaybeshewastry
ingtoget
backather.
Me:
forwhat
.

Her :
wellaft
erthereadingoft heWillweal lgot
theshockofourl i
ves,seemsl ikebablomncane
changedt hewil
lbeforehedi ed.Heleft
everythi
ngtoncane,200000gr andwasl eftto
Nqobi l
ebutthewasacl ause,shecouldonl ybe
giventhemoneyonceshei sintheuniversi
ty.

Me:
whoa,
what
,youki
ddi
ngr
ight
.

Her:am ser
ious,
youshoul
dhaveseent
he
Chaosthatwasther
ethatday
.
Theeldersstar
tedsayi
ngncanemusthavehad
bablomncanekill
edforhi
smoneyandassert
s,
theyhatedthefactt
hathelef
tev
ery
thi
ngtoher.
Mydadhadt
odef
endncanebef
oret
hey
dr
oppedt
hei
raccusat
ions.
Thenaf
tert
het
enday
stheydr
oppedahuge
bal
l.

Me:
ther
e'smor
e.

Her:
yes,
theel
der
swantncanet
omar
ry
babl
omncaneGci
na.

Me:
whoi
sthat
.

Her:hi
m...
.(hepointedatagoodlooki
ngguyon
thecouch,helookedalmostli
keNqobil
e'
sdad,
onlyhewasmor el
ightert
hanhim)

Me:
he'
syourdad'
sbr
other
.
Her
:yes,
they
oungest
,andphumzi
l
eist
hel
ast
bor
n.

Shepoint
edatphumzi
l
e,shedi
dlookedabi
t
young.Maybel
atet
wenti
es.

Me:
shei
sbeaut
if
ul

Her:don'tletthatfoolyou,shei sso
manipulativeandr esentf
ul,Ifi
nallysawwher e
nqobigotherst inkingatti
tude, i
tsfr
om her, she
fuel
sev erythi
ng.Shei stheonewhot oldnqobi
toagreet otheengagementpr oposaljustt
o
spit
encane.Shet oldnqobi ThatNcanei sthe
reasonwhyherdadchangedt heWi ll
,theyar e
bestfri
endsnow, alwaysst andingatthe
corner
sgossi ping.Ihateher .
Me:
that
'sabi
thar
sh.

Her:am tel
li
ngyout hatwomani spoisonous,
canyoubel i
evethatshei nv
itedmyfather
'sex
mistr
esst othefuneral
,onthedayoft hefuner
al
theystar
tedar i
ot,apparentl
ydadhasason
withthi
swoman.

Me:
whatnoway
.

Her:am seri
ous,hisnamei sThabang
Nkadimeng,hewasher ethedaybefore
yest
erday,hesuredoesl ookli
kedadabi t
,and
hisl
ightcomplexionisfrom hi
smot her
,he
l
ookedabi tli
kesfisotoo.
Youshouldhaveseenhowshat
teredmymom
waswhenshesawhi m.Shewasbr oken,asi
f
thatwasnotenoughthewomanisjustrude
anddi
srespect
ful
.

Me:
wai
tdi
dyouj
ustsayThabangNkadi
meng.
..

Her
:yes.
..
what
?Doy
ouknowhi
m.

Me:Ithi
nkIdo,i
sheavar
agehei
ght
,poi
nty
nose,
agoldtoot
h,andwear
seyegl
asses.

Her
:that
'shi
m

Ialmostchockedonmydr i
nk,
Icoughed
vi
olent
ly.Zi
thahitmybackunt
ilIcaughtmy
breat
he.

Her
:geezar
eyoual
ri
ght
.
Me:
am f
ine.

Her
:howdoy
ouknowThabang.

Me:he'
safri
end,hehadaskedmeoutacoupl
e
oft
imesbutIref
used.

Her
:ow.
..
kyt
hat
'snotawkwar
datal
l
.

Me: yeah.
..
ri
ght,Ilastspoketohim bef
orewe
star
tedwr i
ti
ngourexams.It riedavoi
dinghim
atallcost
.He'scool though,
It hi
nkhewill
make
aperfectbigbrother.

Her:hel
lo,
Ialr
eadyhaveabigbrot
her
,hi
s
exi
stenceisgonnar
uinourpar
entsmarr
iage,
ev
ennow,
mom anddadar
enotspeaki
ng.

Me:
am sor
ry.

Her:t
hisi
sgonnabetheworstChr
ist
masev
er,
ever
ythi
ngissuchamess.

Me: Iknowri
ght
,sodi
dmom agr
eet
omar
ryt
he
youngerbrot
her
.

Her:hel
l no,shemadei tverycl
earthatshe
won'tmar ryGcina,besidesGcinaisalsonot
keenont hemar r
iagebutt heel
dersaref or
cing
thi
ngs,theysaidi t
seitherNcanemar riesGcina
orsheleav esthishouse.

Me:
cant
heydot
hat
,,
,It
houghty
ousai
dthewi
l
l
sai
dthehousebel
ongedt
omom.
Her
:itdoes,
butt
heelder
sSeemedsosur
ethat
t
heycanmakeherleave.

Me:
that
'shar
shandol
dfashi
oned.

Her:
tell
meabouti
t,t
hisfami
l
yisf
ull
ofdr
ama
andli
es,i
tmakesmesick.

Wewerest
il
lgossi
pingwhenSet
hmadehi
s
wayt
ous.

"l
adi
es"hef
lashedasmi
l
e.

Me:
hey
.
"l
etmegogetmysel
fsomethi
ngtoeat
"Zit
ha
wal
kedawayev
enthoughIdi
dn'
twanthert
ogo.

"so,
,
,,
youl
ookmuchbet
ter
"hesai
d.

Me:Ifeelbet
tert
hanx
.Soy
ouwer
eher
ewhen
youcall
edme.

Hi
m:y
es,
Ijustneededt
oheary
ourv
oice.
Me:
owh.
..
.
*
(
sil
ence)
*
"am gl
ady
ouar
eohk"hesai
d
Iwasaboutt
oanswerhi
m whensf
iso
i
nter
rupt
edus.
"ar
eyouohk"hesai
d.
Me:
yeaham good,
justt
ir
ed,
Ineedt
oli
edown.
Sf
iso:
Igotsomet
hingt
oeatf
ory
ou.

Me:thanky ou,
Iwil
leatitl
ater
,Ishoul
dgol
i
e
down,pleasecoverupforme.

Sfi
so:
sure,
noprobl
em,
Iwi
l
lputy
ourf
oodi
n
themicr
owave.
Me:
youar
easweet
hear
t.
.

If
akedasmi
l
ethest
oodup

"Set
h,i
tsgr
eatt
oseey
oubutIneedt
orest
"I
sai
d.
Hi
m:I
tsohk,
itwasgoodt
oseey
ou.

Iwal
kedaway
.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#SETH

Iwasl
eftst
ari
ngatherwi
thahugel
umpi
nmy
t
hroat
.GodknowsIwant
edt
ospendmor
eti
me
wi
thher.

"It
oldy
out
ost
ayawayf
rom her
"sf
iso
whi
sper
edt
ome.

"giveitupdude,she'
snotyourproper
ty"i
respondedthenpushedpasthim

Iwentout
side,
Ineededasmoke.

Il
i
toneci
gar
ett
eandsmokedi
tal
latonego.
It
ookoutanot
herandl
i
tit
.

Icoul
dhearsomeonesnif
fi
ngnearthehouse,
I
wenttocheckanditwasNQOBILE,
shequickl
y
wipedhert
earsthemomentshesawme.
"
HeySet
h,whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e"shesai
d.

Me:
Ijustneededasmoke,
arey
ouohky

Her
:am f
ine.
..

Me:
real
l
y,i
sthatt
hebesty
ouhav
e,Iknowy
ou
r
emember.

Shesmi
l
edf
aint
ly.

"itsj
ust..
..
.noonecaresy ouknow,mom hardly
tal
kstome, i
tsl
ikeshehat esmeforsome
reason,Iam bei
ngdeni edofmyinheri
tance,I
knowmymom i st hereasondaddidn'
tleavea
thi
ngt ome.
Am sureshet oldhim aboutthepregnancy,
I
Meant heuniversit
yclausething,
sheknewI
wouldn'tgettheresothatwasherwayof
makingsur ethatIgetnothi
ng.Ihavef ai
l
edmy
gr
ade11gai n..
..
..
Asi fshehasn' ttakenenoughf rom meshe
want edt orefusemymar ri
aget oJet,shesaw
howr ichJetwasandshedi dn'twantmet o
hav eagoodl i
fe,it
sl i
keshe'st heenemyofmy
progr ess,nowt hef avouri
tedaughterisback,
shei shappyt hatherdaught erisback,she
l
ov esast r
angermor ethanshel ovesme, her
owndaught er,whatki ndofamot herisshe"she
startedcr yi
ngagai n,Ididn'
tknowwhatt osayto
her,thi si
saf amilymat terandhor monesmust
bedr ivinghermad.

"sur
elyy
ourmom isdoi
ngwhatisbestf
ory
ou,
shel
ostahusbandshe'
sinpai
n"Isai
d.
Her
:andam not,
Ilostaf
ather
,Il
ostev
ery
thi
ng
f
orfucksake.

Shecri
edevenl
ouder,
Idr
ewhercl
osert
ome
andgaveherahug.

"i
tsohk,
every
thingi
sgonnabeal
ri
ght"I
br
ushedherback.

Andwest ay
edinthatembr
acewhi
l
eshe
sobbedsoft
ly.
..
.

#admi
n
[
5/22,
14:
40]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L
ENTRYTHI
RTYSEVEN

Igotinmyr oom l
ockedthedoorandstoodi
n
frontofthemi r
ror
,ididn'
trecogni
zet
heimage
thatref
lectedback.
Isawaver
ythi
n,shal
l
ow, scar
red,
brokenand
dir
tyy
oungwomanstari
ngbackatme.

Ifel
tsousedandunl
oved,
Itookof
fmycl
othes
thenst
oodnaked.
Abodyf ul
lofshame,af
leshwi
thnodi
gni
ty,
a
vessel
wi t
houtasoul
.
Myhear
tsank,
mymi
ndbr
oughtbackunwant
ed
memori
es.

Icouldhearever
yonegigglingandl
aughing
from adi
stance,t
othem Iwashome, i
fonly
theyknewthatthelov
ing,cari
ngandrespect
ful
i
mi theyknewwasnomor
e,shedi
edi
nthat
shack.

Iwasnowamonst
er,
icar
ri
edsomuchhat
red
wit
hinme.
Ir
esentedthefactt
hatIwassti
llal
i
ve,Ishoul
d
bedead,Ican'
tfeel
anythi
ngexceptforhat
e.
Idespi
sedany
thi
ngt
hathadt
odowi
thmen.

Iwal
kedt omycl
oset
,tookoutmytravel
l
ing
bag,
insidei
twasabl
ackplasti
cbagthat
cont
ainedmymother
'svei
l.

Itookitandst aredatitf
orawhi le,Searchi
ng,I
wasl ookingformyi nnocence,it
sthef i
rst
objectthathadt akeneveryt
hingawayf rom me,
Ithoughtt hatmyl i
fewastheresomewher ein
i
tsneat l
ykni t
tedpatter
ns,may beifilookhard
enoughiwil
lfi
ndwhatIhadlost
,maybeit
s
beauti
ful
gol
dendecorat
ioncaninst
all
my
i
nnocence.
YetIf oundnot hingbutbloodandt ears,i
twas
cov er
edi npain.Looki ngati tjustbroughtback
mor edev astatingmemor i
es.Memor i
esto
gruesomet or emai nburied,IknowIshoul d
throwi tawaybuti tfeelsli
kedumpi ngitwould
bel i
kedumpi ngmyl if
e,may beIshouldteari
t
i
ntoshr edsbutIcan' t,Idon'thavet hestr
ength
todoi t,thi
sobj ectsti
l
l r
etainssomuchpower
overme.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#,
NQOBI
LE

Ili
ter
allypouredmyhear touttoSet
h,andbei
ng
i
nhi sstrongarmssur efel
tli
keaburstofpur
e
excit
ement ,i
tremindedmeofal lt
imes.I
rememberhowheuset oholdmei nhi
sarms,
henev eroncemademecr y,hewasmi neal
one,
themosthot testguyinschool.

Ihadallt
hisFeeli
ngsmixedupinsidemybody ,
LordknowsImi ssedhi
sgentl
eness, Imissour
makeupsexev erytimewehadaf i
ght,oursi
ll
y
conver
sati
ons,thewayheapologizedev en
whenIwaswr ong.Imightnothavebeena
per
fectgir
lf
ri
endforhim butIknewt
hathe
l
ovedme, hewasapl ayerbutwheni
tcameto
mehedi dn'
tcompromise.
Ifoundmy sel
fweepi
ngevenmore,howdidI
l
oosehim, Ihadagoodmanwithi
nmygr asp
andIthr
ewhi slov
eawaybecauseofwhat,
fun,
..
Funthathasgot
tenmeintothi
smess
Funthathasbr
oughtnot
hingbutpai
nand
hear
tacheinmyli
fe.

Isl
owl
ybr
oket
hehug,
star
eddeepl
yinhi
sey
es.
Oureyeslockedf
orawhi
le,Il
eanedov
erand
wit
hinsecondsourl
i
pscoll
i
ded.
Wemov
edi
nasl
owr
hyt
hm,
kissi
ngdeepl
y.
Ifel
tbut
ter
fl
iesdancinginmyt
ummy
,orwasi
t
thebaby
,Icouldn'
ttel
l.

Weki
ssedmor
epassi
onat
ely
,myknees
weakened,
Ifel
tmybodyt
rembl
i
ng,
Iwant
ed
hi
mt her
eandthen.

JustwhenIwaslosti
ntheheatoft
hemoment
hepull
edaway.

"am soSor
ry"hesai
dtaki
ngast
epback.

Me:
nodon'
tbe,
Imi
sst
his,
Imi
ssus.

It
ri
edget
ti
ngcl
oserbuthest
il
lmov
edback.

"Ican'
tdothis,youandIwer earecipefor
di
saster,
Ican'tgobackthere,y
ouar epregnant
andengagedt obemar r
ied,
whatj usthappened
i
swr ong,i
tshouldn'
thavehappened"hesai d.
"buti
tdi
d,andi
tfel
tamazing,
whethery
ou
denyi
tornotwebothknowthatwhatwefel
t
wasreal
.
Yousti
ll
lovemejustasmuchasIlov
eyou"I
tr
iedt
akinghi
shandbuthepul
ledaway.

"t
hiswasjustamomentofweakness, notl
ove,
mylovef
ory ouNqodieddecadesago,Idon'
t
l
oveyou,
myhear tbel
ongstoanother"hesaid
Iknewshemeanti
mi,
wellhemightl
oveherbut
hesti
ll
fel
tweaki
nmypresence.

"areyousurey oudon'tmisst hi
sanymore,"I
pull
eddownmyst r
aplessdressexposi
ngmy
breast,wel
lIhadlywearanybr abecausemy
breastarenotbig,wellnowtheywereabi tfi
rm,
mor eroundandf ul
lerbecauseofthepregnancy
"Iknowyouwantt
his"Iwhi
sper
edget
ti
ng
cl
osertohi
m,hefr
ozeandswall
owedhard.
Ihadt
ookhi
shandandpl
acedi
tonmybr
east
.

"Ist
il
ll
ovey
ou"Iwhi
sper
edi
nhi
sear
.

Hecuppedmybr
eastandsqueezedi
tgent
le.

Il
etoutasl
i
ghtmoan.

"y
oumissthatdon'
tyou"Irubbedhisanaconda
wi
thmyhand,Icoul
dfeelitgett
inghar
der.

"Wecangotomyr oom,
noonewil
lseeus"I
sai
d,Iwasdr
ippi
ngwet,
Ireal
l
ywantedhi
m.
I
nfactIwaswascr
avi
ngf
orthispi
nkanaconda,
hi
tti
ngri
ghti
nsi
demywal
ls.Iwant
editt
o
dev
ourme.

Isqueezedhisbal
l
sgent
le.
..
.andhi
scock
hardenedevenmore.
SeeSethwasnotthatbig,wellnotasbi gasJet,
hewasjustaver
age,buthesuredi dhist hi
ng
shame,hewouldfuckyouandy ouwi l
lfeell
ike
youaretheonl
ygirl
inthewor l
d, afucksogr eat
thanyouevencal
lGodcr azyandj eal
ousf or
sayi
ngsexisasin.
Yeahhewast hatgood, wellthatsjustat hing
withwhi t
es,t
heydon' tjustfuckf ortheheckof
i
t,theymakesur et hattheyt akey ouinar ide,
Andt heymakey ouenjoyt hatride,sexi sli
ke
foodt othem,cooki tinagr eatwayandy ouwi l
l
l
eakeachandev eryfi
ngeraf tereating.And
thereisnospecif i
ctimef orsexwi t
ht hem.
Everytimeisaf uckt i
me.
Iwassocaughtupinhispackspor
tray
ed
thr
oughhi
sT-shi
rt
,hisbodywasjustart
.

"whatthefuckisgoingonher e"av
oice
i
nter
ruptedus,Sethquicklypushedmeaway ,he
fi
xedhistr
ouser,Iquickl
ypulledupmydr ess
andlookedup,itwasZi t
ha,shewaswi t
hSarah.

"i
tsnotwhati
tseems,
Iwasj
usthav
inga
smoke"Set
hstut
ter
ed

Sarah:asmokereall
y,youwereall
overeach
other,
surel
yifwehadn'tcomeoutyouwould
havefuckedherr
ightinthespot

Set
h:Ij
ustgotcaughtupi
nthemoment
.
Sarah:withher,howpathet
ic,her
eIwaslooki
ng
foryou,Ithoughtyouhadleft
,butno,
IguessI
rui
nedy ourhoneymoonmomenthuh
canwegobackt
othehouse(shedi
rect
edt
hat
atZi
tha)

"youhav enoshamewhat soev er

,theareel
der s
i
nher e, whati
foneoft hem hadCameoutand
sawt his.Youjustcan'
tkeepy ourlegst
oget her
cany ou, If
eel
sorryforthatmany ougonna
mar r
y ,
hopehewoul dhavegl uetof i
xyourlegs
problem, andSetham sodi sappointedinyou"
Zit
hasai d.

Af
tert
hatt
heywal
kedaway
.

"t
hatwasf
un"Il
aughed.
Set
h:whatwasf
unaboutt
hat
.

Me:thethr
il
lofsneaki
ngaroundandget
ti
ng
caught
,nowwher ewerewe.

"youreal
lyarecrazyyouknowt hat,youneed
hel
p"withthatsaidhewal kedawayl eavingme
wit
hawetv i
brat
ingvagina.Ireall
ywant edhi
m,
Idon'
tknowwhet heritwast heslutnessinme
orthehormones.

If
ixedmydr
essandwal
kedbacki
nthehouse.
Ever
yonewasst
il
lenj
oyi
ngt
hepar
ty.Ideci
ded
togotomyroom.

WhenIpassedbyi mi'
sroom Icouldhearsof
t
sobs,Istoodbyt
hedoorandl i
stened.Shewas
cry
ing,Ipeekedt
hroughthekeyholeandIcoul
d
seehernakedst
andi
ngi
nfr
ontoft
hemi
rr
or.

WellIguesswhathappenedt
oherdamaged
herrealgood,
Iwalkedawaybef
oreIseet
hings
am notmeanttoSee.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#I
minat
hi
Thenextfewday swerehar dforme.Cebohad
stoppedsl
eepingwithme, Ili
teral
lyhadtobeg
hertogoandsl eepwithZit
haf orawhile,buti
t
tookmom' sbeggingforhertofinall
yagree.I
neededspace.Ifoundpeacemany
ni
ght
satt
hebot
tom ofacheapbot
tl
eof
winethatIhi
dinmycl oset,
cov er
edwithmy
cl
othes,Ihadboughtittwoday sbackatpi
ckn
payli
quor,.Myconfusionandmysel fl
oss
consumedme, meanwhi lef
lashbacks
Andterr
ibl
eni
ghtmaresbecamear i
tual
inmy
messed-
upschedul
e.Ihaduncont
rol
labl
e
pani
cattackst
hatcausedmet
orar
elyl
eav
ethe
house.
Ispentmanyl
ongday
sal
onei
nmy
r
oom nott
alki
ngt
omanypeopl
eatal
l
.
Ihar
dlyl
aughednort
alked,
Iwoul
djoi
nthe
famil
yf ordinnerbecausemom for
cedmet o
butIdidn'teat,j
ustthr
eespoonsorlessi
swhat
Iwouldnor mallyconsume.

Idr i
ft
edawayf r
om everyone,Ishutdown,not
talki
ng,norpayi
nganyat tent
iontoanyone,I
hadev enforgot
tenthatIhadasi st
er,i
Felt
aloneanddamaged.

Ifear
edpeeingbecauseoftheunpleasant
sensati
onsIfel
twheneverItookaleak,Il
ost
myself-awar
enessandcapacityf
orjoy.
Iwasashadow,
iendedupdi
sconnect
edbot
h
emoti
onal
l
yandphysi
cal
ly
.
exi
sti
ng,
butnotf
ull
yLi
vi
ng.

Ihadlostmyhumanity
,hardasar ockandcol
d
asice,idi
dn'
tfeel
bodi
lysensat
ionsli
kei
usedt
o.i
tev
enbecameami
ssi
ont
o
di
ff
erent
iat
ebet
weenpl
easur
eand
pai
n.I
tal
lj
ustf
eltt
hesamet
ome.
Sometimesifel
tli
keiwasinthatdar
kcorner
againwatchi
ngmy sel
fget
ti
ngrapedoverand
overagai
n.
Icoul
dn'
tconcent
rat
eany
mor
eand
r
ememberingt
hingsbecamehar
derandhar
der
wi
theachdayt
hatpassed.
Ihaddev el
opedahabitoftakingmypainmeds
evenwheni twasunnecessary,Il
ovedt
he
feel
i
ngt heygaveme.Andmi xedwit
hmycheap
winetheybroughtf
ort
hmuchneededr el
ief
,
Aperfectdrugtohelpmef orget,
Ifel
tdet ached
fr
om thewor l
d,thepeoplearoundandinmyl if
e
di
dn'tmatteranymore.Iwasj umpyandaler tat
al
lti
mes, atnightIwi
llcheckmywi ndowand
doortwicetomakesur ethatitwaslocked.
Ineededtobesaf
eandIcoul
dn't
,evenal
ocked
doordidn'
tmakemefeel
safeenough.

Mymom st
art
edtobewor
ri
ed,
mostpeopl
e
woul
dbewokenbymyscr
eamsint
hemiddl
e
oft
heni
ght
.
ButnowIhadfoundanewtechnique,
Istay
ed
awakeal
lni
ght,t
hatwayIwouldn'
thavetobe
haunt
edbynight
maresanddist
urbthehouse

I
tbecamedif
ficul
tnav
igat
ingt
hewor
ldasa
r
apesurv
ivor
Ever
yonel ookedatmedi f
fer
entl
y,t
heytreated
melikeIwassomef r
agil
eglassthatwould
br
eakIfnothandl edwit
hcare.Thecommuni t
y
st
art
edt alki
ng,thebl
amesandwhi sper
si n
ev
erycor ner
“
whywassheatt
hepar
ty"
"Ihear
dshewaswear
ingav
eryshor
tdr
ess"
"Shewasdr owni ngi nalcohol,andshewi l
li
ngly
l
eftwi ththeguy ,shebr oughtt hisonher self
"
thosewer ef ewoft heremar kspeopl emade,
thei
rlispbehi ndmybackdr ov emei nmor eand
mor eselfblame, Istar
tedt hinki
ngt hatmay be
theyWer eright ,
may beIdeser vedt his,
Ididchit
chattedandl aughedwi thFr eddieaf t
erall
,I
will
inglyfol
lowedhi mt ohiscar ,Idrankev en
thoughmom t ol
dmenott o, maybet hiswasa
punishmentf r
om Godf ordi sobeyingmymom
andf orlyi
ng.May beIshoul dn'thav ewor nthe
dressZi t
hagav eme, i
twast ooshor t.
Ihadenoughbl
amestolastmeforal
i
fet
ime.I
wasconsumedinsur
viv
or'sgui
l
t.
Ihadstoppedli
vi
ngthedaybef
oretherape,
I
mightnothavephysi
cal
lydi
edthatdaybutI
suredi
ddieemot i
onal
ly
.
Someti
mesIcr
yatnight,
cur
singGodf
ornot
taki
ngmyl
if
ethatday.

#admi
n
[
5/24,
18:
18]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYTHI
RTYEI
GHT

#I
MINATHI

Chri
stmasdaywasjustt
heworstforme.The
fami
lywasallher
e,ev
entheel
dersneverl
eft
.

Iwokeupar
ound11am t
hatmor
ning,
didmy
dai
l
yrout
inewhi
chwasi
nthiscasest
ari
ngat
mynakedbodyont
hemir
rorforawhi
leand
j
ustcr
y.

Isti
l
llookedl
ikeadir
typi
eceoft
rash,adead
beatmeatthatnoanimal
wouldwant.If
elt
ugl
ierbyeachday.

Itookapairofsci
ssoronmyheadboar d,unti
ed
mybun, andonebyoneIcutof fthet
wistbrai
ds
toget
herwithmyhair.Becauseinaninsanel
y
waytheytooremindedmeoft hatday.
Iremovedev eryhairi
nmyheadandafterIwas
doneIwasl eftbald,myheadsot
iny,
Ilookedat
my sel
fonthemi rr
orandIsuredi
dlookli
kea
boynow.

It
ookmyt
hingsandwentt
otakeabat
h.It
ook
alonghot.Imeanveryhotbat
h,Iscr
ubbedmy
bodywit
hanor angesack.

Idi
ditsohar d.That'
showIbat henowadays,I
wantedtoscr ubmy selfcl
ean.Iwantedtowash
awayalltheshamei nmybody ,moreover
,the
physi
calpainIfelti
nt hatbathtubwasmuch
bet
terthannotf eel
i
ngany t
hingatal
l
Myskinwasnowreddishandburni
ng,
Ijustl
ay
i
nsi
dethebatht
ub,myheadunderthewater,
I
l
aysti
l
l hel
dmybreat
heandletthepai
nsinkin

Itfel
tsogr
eat,
thepaintaki
ngov
ermybody
,
stayi
ngsti
l
lnotbr
eathing
St
ayi
ngunderwat
er,
itf
eltsaf
e..
Ist
ayedi
nther
eunt
ilt
hewat
ergoti
cecol
d.

Igotmyheadoutoft
hewat
erandcont
inued
st
ayi
ngi
nther
e.

"imiareyoust
il
lal
iv
eint
her
e"mymom
knockedonthedoor.
Ir
emai
nedqui
etf
orawhi
l
e.

"i
mi..
..
.i
minat
hiopenthi
sdoororam br
eaki
ng
i
n"shebangedharderatt
hedoor.

"am f
ine"Isai
dcol
dly
.

"pl
easegetout
,youhavebeenint
heref
ortwo
hour
snow,getoutIwannatal
ktoyou"she
sai
d.

Ikeptqui
et.
"di
dyouhearme"sheasked.

Me:
yesam comi
ngout

Ist
ayedf
orawhi
l
ebef
orest
eppi
ngoutoft
he
water
.

Myski
nwasall
wrinkl
yandwhi t
e.Iwi
ped
mysel
fwi
tht
hetowelthenexi
ted.

Igoti
nmyr oom,appli
edlot
ionandwor
emy
l
ongsleev
ev est
,looset
rackpant
sandaBenny
.
Wellt
hat'
showIdressedl
atel
y.Ial
waysmade
sur
ethatmywholebodywascov er
edup.

Itookfourmorphi
netabl
ets,
Ifr
ownabit
becauseonlyafewtabl
etswerelef
t.
Iplacedthem i
nmymout handdownedt
hem
withthecheapbott
leofwine,
thi
swasmy
fourthbott
let
hisweek.

Isatonthebedandworemyni
keki
cks.Mom
knockedonceandcamein.
Shestoodbyt hebedforawhi l
elooki
ngantthe
brai
dsandmyhai ronthefl
oor.Myr oom was
darkandgloomy,Iam sur
eitsmel l
edbutI
wouldn'
tknow.Ihardl
ypayattenti
onto
anythi
ngthi
sdays

"whatt
hehel
lhappenedt
oyourhai
r"shesai
d

Ishr
uggedmyshoul
der
s.

"babyiknowwhathappenedputatol
lonyou
butpl
easedon'
tl
etitbr
eakyou"shesatonthe
bed.

"thether
apistcal
led,
shesaysyouarenot
cooperat
ing,shesaysyouj
ustsi
tther
equietf
or
thewholesession"shesai
d.

Me: shetalkedt
oy ouaboutme,Ithoughtthe
sessionsareSupposetobepr i
vat
e,isn'
tshe
breakingtheconfi
dent
ial
it
yclauseor
somet hi
ng.

Mom: shetoldmebecauseshei sconcerned

andIam concer nedtoo.Thisi
snotaboutt he
therapisti
tsaboutyougetti
nghelp.Youare
perishi
ngbaby ,y
our ef
usetotal
kt ome,you
refuset oeat
,youkeepy our
sel
flockedupin
thi
sr oom.
AndIhav
esmel
l
edt
hest
enchofal
cohol
iny
ou
thi
sdays,i
heary
oucr
yev
eryni
ghtandt
hat
breaksme.
Iwantt
obet
her
efory
ouIwantt
ohel
pyou.

Me:
am f
ine.

Her:noy ouarenot,whendidyoulastt
alkt
o
Cebo,whenl astdidyouhaveadescent
conversati
onwithany one,
yourf
ri
endshave
comeher ecountlesstimesbuty
our ef
useto
seethem
Youneedt
ofacewhathappened,
don'
trun
awayfr
om i
t.
Iwasonceli
keyou,
Ihadanor
deal
almost
si
mil
artoyours.
Ourpar
entsdiedinacaracci
dentwhi
l
ewe
weresoyoung..
Ourgr
eedyr
elat
ivest
ookev
ery
thi
ngawayf
rom
ust
henchasedusi
ntot
hest
reet
s
Iwastheol
destsoIwaslef
twi
tht
hebur
denof
rai
si
ngmyYoungerSibl
i
ngs

Shepausedandswal
l
owedhar
d

Her:Ihadtotakecar
eofzi
tha'
smot
herandmy
youngestbrot
her

Itr
iedlooki
ngforajobbutIcoul
dn'
tfi
nd
anythi
ng,Iwasonly17withagrade11.

West ay
edont hestreet
s,Iwil
lcl
eanpeoples
housesjusttogetpaid,
onedayIwaswor king
ononeoft hehouses,awhitemanandhiswi f
e
andsonl i
vedther
e
Icamet
othehouseear
ly,
thewi
fehadal
ready
l
eftforwork,thesonwas5y ear
solderthanme
andhesmokeddr ugs,
hewashi ghthatmorni
ng,
Iwascleaninghisroom whenhepushedmeon
thebed,pi
nnedmedownandassaul t
edme.I
cri
edforhelp.Hisoldmancamei n,hesaw
whathissonhaddoneandi nst
eadofhelpi
ng
meheal sojoinedinontheassaul
t
Icanst
il
lfeel
hiswr
inkl
yhai
rybodyont
opof
me
Whent heywer
edonemol est
ingmethey
chasedmeaway .Itr
iedopeningacaseagainst
them butev
ery
thingvanishedint
othi
nai
rsince
thewifewasastatejudge

Ihadt
ofi
ndot
hermeansf
orsur
viv
al,
Ishi
ft
ed
i
ntost
eal
i
ng
ThatsHowImetJaden,Istol
eawalletf
rom
hi
m whil
ehewascomi ngfrom campus,
he
chasedmeandwhenhef inal
l
ycaughtmehe
wantedtoknowwhyIwasst
eal
i
ng,
hewas
act
uall
ysweetandki
nd.
Hetookcar
eofuswit
hhispocketmoney ,hi
s
bur
sarygav
ehi
m athousandrandforpocket
moneyandheusedi
ttotakecareofus
Iwentbacktoschool
,hefoundsomeonefor
metotalkto.AndIl
iv
ed,Imadeitoutal
i
ve

Me:owhwowt hat
'ssobad,
idi
dn'
tknow,
so
wher
eisyourbrot
her

Her;unf
ortunatel
yev enaf
tertr
y i
ngmybestto
takecar
eoft hem, hewentastray,hej
oinedt
he
wrongcrowd.Heshotandki l
l
edashopkeeper
duri
ngar obberysohegotar r
ested.
Hei
sinj
ail
ser
vingal
i
fesent
ence.

Me:
wowy
ouwentt
hroughal
oty
ety
oul
ookso
st
rong,howwer
eyouabl
etogett
hrough
ev
erythi
ng.

Her:itwasn'
teasybutIall
owedpeopl eto
supportme, It
alkedtomysisteraboutthe
ordeal,
Ialsowasabletotel
l Jaden,It
alked
aboutitandIfaceditheadon.
Jadengotmepr
ofessi
onal
hel
p
[
5/ 24,18:
22]Thull
y:Ofwhichwasevenbett
er,,
istoppedbeingav i
cti
m andbecameasurviv
or.
Aftermymat ri
c,Igotabursar
yandIstudi
edto
beasoci alworker
,Iwantedtohel
pkidsout
there.
.
That
'swhywhenmycol
leaguetoldmeabout
youIwassoi
nter
est
edtohelp,iwashopi
ngI
coul
dgiv
eyouabett
erl
i
f e.ButIf
ail
ed.

Me:
itsnoty
ourf
aul
t,y
oudi
dn'
tdot
hisandy
ou
warnedmenott
odr
ink,
Ishoul
dhav
eknown
bet
ter.

Her:don'
tbl
amey our
sel
fohk,
Iknowithurt
sfor
now,itl
ooksl
ikeyouwontsur
viv
ethepainbutI
assureyoui
twil
lpass.

Me:how,it
ssopainf
ul,
Ican'
tsl
eep,
am
suf
focat
ingIcan'
tev
enbreat
he.

Her:t
rustmeitwi
llgetbett
er,
youneedtogi
ve
i
ttime,openupandtalkaboutit
.Andt
alkt
o
yoursi
stershemi
ssesy ou.

Me:
Ihav
enegl
ect
edher

Her
:it
sunder
standabl
e,y
ou'
vebeent
hrougha
l
ot,
butyouhavetotal
ktosomeone,
ifnotme
ort
hether
api
stthenmaybeoneofyourfr
iends.

Inodded

"youwil
lbefi
ne"shegavemeat
ighthug,
aft
er
thatwet
alkedForawhil
e
*
*
*
*

I
twasaroundnoonIwassitti
ngbythepool
,
mom hadconvincedmetoleavemyroom,get
outandgetsomef r
eshai
r.
Isatonthecampingchair
,myf i
ngersneeri
ng
aroundt
heglass'
smout h,Ihadpouredthejui
ce
wi
thoutanyi
ntent
ionsofdr
inki
ngi
t

Myeyeswereonthest
reets,Iwasstari
ngata
l
it
tl
eboypoki
ngsomethinginarefusedump, I
wonder
edwhathewasl ooki
ngfor,coul
ditbea
f
utur
emaybe,orIwastheonehopingt ohavea
f
utur
ebutIcoul
dfeeli
tinmyhear t
.
Thest
arshadanot
herf
utur
eforme.
Myroadwi
ll
leadtoanot
herdi
sappoi
nti
ngl
i
fe,
I
di
dn'
tseeawayforwar
dformyli
fe

Everyonewasont heot
hersi
deofthepool
,
deli
ghtedinthei
rnewclot
hesandendl
ess
conversat
ionandgoodmusic.
Theywer eful
lofl
i
fe,
laughi
ngandj
oki
ng
around.Cebowaswiththem
Shewasweari
ngskinnyj
eanandacropt
op
wit
hbeaut
if
ulsandal
s.Shehadanewhai
rdo,
beaut
if
ulbr
aidscor
nrows.Shewassocut
e.
I
nf actshelookedabi ttal
lernow, shewaswi th
Zitha,t
heykeptst eali
ngfewgl ancesatmebut
noneoft hem woul dactuall
yjoinmebecause
theywer eafraidthatift
heycamecl osertomeI
woul drudelytalktothem orjusti
gnor ethem
whenev ertheyt al
ked.

Nqobi
wasWearingbl
ackj
eggi
ngswi
thal
oose
st
ri
pestop,
shewasshowi
ngnow.
Shewaswear
ingsl
i
pper
s,herf
ocuswasonher
phone.

Sfi
sowassit
ti
ngwithGci
natheywer
ebusy
tal
ki
ngaboutl
ordknowswhat.

"Ar
eyousureyoudon'
twannajoi
nus"mom
sai
d,shewascomingfr
om theki
tchen.
Me:
no,
may
besomeot
hert
ime.

Mom:
ohkt
hen,
atl
easty
ouar
eout
side.

If
akedasmi
l
eandshewal
kedt
ohersi
ster
.

Theel
der
swer
edr
inki
ngt
radi
ti
onal
beer
.

Acarhonkedi
nthef
ront
,nqobi
stoodup.

"goi
ngsomewher
e"hermot
herasked.

Her
: j
ah,Jet
hrohasaskedmet
ospend
Chr
istmaswithhi
m.
Granny
:wher
e'soursoni
nlaw,
tel
lhi
mtocome
i
n.

Mom:noti
nmyy
ard,
idon'
twantt
hatmani
n
her
e.

Granny:ai
bophindi
le,
thatboypai
dadowryfor
yourdaughter
,he'
spartoftheFamil
ynow.

Mom: notmyf amily

,thatboyi swayt oool dfor
Nqobil
e,whywoul dhei mpr egnateagi r
lso
young,whatkindofaper sonwhopr oposest oa
gir
lri
ghtonthedayofherf ather'
sfuneral.He
cameher eandtookNqobi lebef or
eev enthe10
daysended,weallknowt hatt herearehigh
chancesthathesleptwithher .Hewoul dn't
evenall
owhert omour nforherf ather
.
Whatki
ndofaper
sondoest
hat
.Idon'
tl
ikehi
m.
Nqobi
:owhpleasemom dr
opit
,Iknowyouar
e
j
eal
ousbecausejeti
sri
ch,
youj
ustdon'
twant
t
oseemehappyneh.

Mom:heeee, mej
eal
ous,
am y ourmot
her
Nqobi
l
e, Icannev
erbej
ealousofyou,
am t
ryi
ng
t
oprotectyou.

Nqobi
:wel
lthenIdon'
tneedy
ourpr
otect
ion.

Shewalkedaway
.Aunt
yPhumzi
l
ebust
edout
l
aughi
ng.

"tal
ki
ngaboutpeopl
ewhocan'
tdi
sci
pli
neki
ds"
shesai
d.
M0m:
excuseme.

Phumzi l
e:youareexcused,don'
tyouthi
nkits
toolatetodisci
pli
neher,Imeanyouletherget
pregnantnowy outryt
opl aymom.

Mom:what
'sy
ourpr
obl
em,whydoYouseea
needt
oal
waysbeonmybusi
ness.

Phumzi
le:am not
,am tr
yingt
ogetev
ery
onet
o
seet
hatyouareaf ai
l
ure.
Youcoul dn'tevenr ai
seasingl
echil
d.Yourchil
d
gotpr egnant,anotheronegotrapedtell
me
whatcany oudor ight.Youbusyparadi
ng
aroundony ourhighheelsthi
nkingthatyouar
e
betterthanus.

Bab'
l
omkhul
u:phumzi
l
ethat
'senough,
leav
e
phi
ndi
alone.

Phumzi l
e:orwhat.Youshouldjustkeepquiet
andf i
xyourmar r
iage,haveyouforgot
ten,y
our
"son"wil
lbejoini
ngusl at
er,ver
ysoony our
preci
ouswi f
ewi l
lbesheddingpatheti
ctears.
Shecr i
eseveryti
mesheseeshi m,sheknows
thatheisthenewhei rnow.
Y'
allmakemesi
ck,
youandJadenbecame
puppet
saft
ery
oumarri
edthi
stwo.
Am sur
etheygotbot
hofyouunderaspell
,they
don'
tevenl
oveyou,t
heyar
ejustgol
ddiggers.

Gr
andpa:
phumi
stopi
t!

Phumi
:y'
al
lundert
hei
rspel
l
,mxm sopat
het
ic
Shewal
kedawayandev
ery
oner
emai
nqui
et.
Iguesst
hat
sthechr
ist
masspi
ri
t.

#admi
n
[
5/25,
20:
50]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYTHI
RTYNI
NE

#NQOBI
LE

Igotinmyr oom,t
ookmybi ggerhandbag
packedfewofmyst uff,
iwasgonnaspendf ew
daysatJet'
shouse, icanhearauntMphumzi l
e
tel
l
ingthem kakoutside,Il
aughed,sheknew
howt ohandleal
loft hem,ij
ustlov
edhowshe
sti
rtr
ouble.Shedidn'tal
lowanyoneinti
midate
her.Shej
ustspokehermi
ndandj
usthat
ed
secret
s.

Ihear
dfootst
epsheadi
ngt
owar
dsmyr
oom,
I
waszippi
ngupmybag.

"mxm t
hispeopl
emakemesi
ck"itwasaunt
y
phumzi
l
e,shesai
dent
eri
ngmyroom

"butyousur
edoknowhowt
oshutt
hem up"we
l
aughed.

Phumi: t
heyallboremet othecore,mybrothers
arethewor st
,theykeptmef r
om mar r
yingthe
manIl ovedbecausehewasnotf rom ari
ch
famil
y,Nhlakawentasf araspayingpeopleto
beatLwazi upjustsohecouldstayawayf rom
me.Butwhatt heydidn'tknowisthatIwas
al
readypregnantf
orlwazi.Andmymom f or
ced
met oabortt
hepregnancyjustbecauseshe
di
dn'twantmet obri
ngshamet ot
hef amil
y.
Si
nceOurf at
herwasar espectedpastor
.
Il
ostmybabybecauseoft
hei
rst
upi
dval
ues.

Me:t
hatsad,coul
dn'
ttheyhadj
ustal
l
owedy
ou
t
oli
veyourli
fe

Her:
theywereall
sooverpr
otect
iveofme,
someti
mesIcursedt
hefactofbei
ngtheonl
y
gi
rli
nthefamil
y.
Nowam al
lgr
ownal
oneandmi
ser
abl
ewhi
l
e
t
heyar
ehappi
lymar
ri
ed.
Nowthest
upi
del
der
swannadest
royGci
na'
s
l
if
e.
Gci
nahasagirl
fri
endwhobythewayi
sheavi
ly
pr
egnant
,thepoorgi
rlwi
l
lhav
eaheartat
tack
whenshehear
sthatGci
nahast
omar
ryanot
her
woman.
Worsepar
tyourmotherisol
dert
hanhi
m.
Someti
mesthenkosifamil
yval
ueandsecr
ets
makesmesick.

Me:ithoughtIwastheonl
yonegett
ing
suff
ocatedbythi
sfamil
ybutyouhaditwor
se
Shem.

Her:t
hatswhyIwon' tall
owt hem todestroyy ou,
youhavetost andyourgroundbewi thJethroi f
hemakesy ouhappy ,don'
tallowphindil
et oruin
yourl
if
e.Shehast akenenoughf rom you
alr
eadydon'tall
owhert obreakyouanyf urther.
Youdeservetobehappy ,thatsThebestshe
shoul
dgivey ouforly
ingtoy ouallt
hisyears.
Me:
lyi
ng,
whatar
eyout
alki
ngabout
.

Her
:mmmhwhat
,

Me:yousaidmymom hasbeenl
yi
ngal
lthi
s
year
s,whatisshel
yi
ngabout
.

Her:
Isaidwhat
,lor
dImustberumbl
ingr
ight
now,Ihavenoi
deawhatIj
ustsai
d.

Shekeptlooki
ngonthesideandIcoul
dsee
thatshewasclear
lyhi
dingsomet
hing.

Me:aunt
yIthoughtyousai
dy ouhatedsecr
ets
butnowIcanseethatyouarehidi
ngsomething
fr
om me,whatisi
t.
Her:am nothidi
nganyt
hingNqobi
l
e,youknowI
canneverli
etoy ou,
youremindmeofmy
youngerversi
on.

Me:real
ly
,lookmeintheeyesandt
ell
met
hat
youarenothidi
ngany
thing.

"uhm y ouknowwhatIneedt opee,

youneedto
goy ourfi
ancéisbusyhonki
ngoutsi
de"wit
h
thatsaidsherushedoutnotgiv
ingmeachance
tosayany t
hingelse.

Somethi
ngwasfi
shyher
e,Iwonder
edwhatshe
wastal
ki
ngabout
.
Itookmyphoneandchargerthenmybagand
exit
edthehouse,
jetwasoutsi
deleani
ngbyhi
s
car.HeSmil
edthemomenthesawme.
"damny
ouonehotchi
ki
ta"hesai
dwhi
stl
i
ng.

Ismi
l
ed
"it
ri
edt
olookper
fect
"Isai
dasIgotcl
osert
o
hi
m.

Hi
m:per
fecti
onist
hedi
seaseoft
henat
ion
mamasi
ta,andy
oudamnknowhowtorockit
.

Weshar
edal
ongpassi
onat
eki
ss.

"wear est
il
li
nfrontofmyhome,"Isaid
breaki
ngtheki
ssbecausethi
ngswer eget
ti
ng
heatedup.

"f
uckImissedyou"hespankedmyasandbi
t
hi
slowerl
ipsexi
ly
.
Igiggl
edandr ushedtopassengersi de,Ithrew
mybagatt hebackseat ,hegotinwedr oveto
hishouse,butwepassedbyKFCf i
rst,he
boughtmehotwi ngs.Andchickenfeetf rom
thewomanwhor oastedthem byt
hecor ner
.
From t
herewewentt ohishouse.

Igotoutt
hecarandwal
kedi
nsideandtomy
surpr
iset
herewer
epeopl
edr
inkingandmusi
c
waspumpi ng.

"youdi
dnttel
lmey ouhadcompany"Isai d
feel
i
ngrat
herdisappoi
nted,Iwasreal
lyi
nno
moodforapartyorpeople,
thatswhyIlef
t
home,i
tsbecauseitwasjusttoocrowdedfor
me.
"comeOnbabeit'
sChr i
stmas,t
heboysandi
deci
dedtot
hrowalit
tlesomething"hesai
d
pull
i
ngmyhandinsi
det hehouse.Someguys
wereint
hel
oungedrinking.

"aibossIknewyouweregoingtofet
chher,you
can'
tspendfiv
eminut
eswithouthercanyou"
oupasaid.HehadHei
nekencanonhi shand.

"y
'al
lknowshe'smyqueen,
there'
snofun
wi
thouther
"jethel
dmefrom behi
ndandkissed
mycheek.

"am start
ingt
othi
nkt
hatyouarebewi
tched
now...
.Nqohwhatt
hefuckdi
dyoudotoour
fr
iend"Joesai
d.

Me:
lol
,not
hing.
Jet
:she'
sthemotherofmychil
dandthequeen
ofmyheart,
ther
e'snovoodooi
nvol
vedi
nhere.
Babel
et'
sgoputy
ourf
oodi
ntheki
tchen.

"i
tsni
ceseei
ngy
ouguy
s"Isai
daswewal
ked
away.

Wegottotheki
tchenandIplacet
hewingsi
n
t
hefri
dgeanddi
shedthechickenfeetf
or
mysel
f.

Thekitchendoorwasopened,
someguy
swer
e
braai
ngmeat .

"babe,i
sthatnotFr
eddi
e"IaskedasIsawa
guyli
keFreddi
ebusywit
hthemeat.
Jet
,:t
hat
'shi
m.

Me:Howcomehe'sher
e,It
houghty
ouguy
s
hadafi
ghtandwer
enottal
ki
ng.

Jet:t
hat'
shist
orybabe,
wetal
kedi
toutandwe
fi
nenow, weareguysandunl
i
kegi
rl
swedon't
holdgrudges.

Me:
owhsowehol
dgr
udges.

Jet
:yougi
rl
sarethewor
st,
onceyouhavea
l
it
tl
equarr
el,
youbecomeswornbl
oodenemies.

Me:mxm, Iam t
ir
ed,
am goi
ngt
otheroom,
pl
easebr
ingmesomemeatwhent heyar
edone
wi
thi
t.

Jet
:ohk

Itookmychickenf
eetandsomebr
eadandl
eft
thekit
chen.
Igotinhisroom andj
ustl
aidi
nthebed,Iwas
real
l
yt i
redandmybackhurtali
tt
lebi
t.Iwas
usedtot hepai
nnow.
Icoul
dn'
tst
andf
orl
ongerhour
sorsi
tfort
oo
l
ong.

Thispregnancywasjusthel
l,
Ihadchubby
cheeksandmyf eethurtashell
andmybreast
werejustbig.

I
nfactmybr
eastar
ether
easonmymom f
ound
outaboutmypregnancy,ihadaskedherhow
sheknewaboutt hepr
egnancytwoweeksback
andshesaidthatmybreastwereadeadgive
away,andmyey eshadchanged.Shenoti
ced
mycrazycrav
ingsAndt hefactt
hatIsl
eptway
toearl
y.

"Iam amot herNqobil

e,Igavebir
tht
oy ousoI
knowthesigns,inf
actamot heral
waysknows
whenitcomest othist
hings"shehadsaid.

Ij
ustkeptquiet
,Inev
ert
oldhert
hatIthought
i
mi t
oldher.AndIwasn'
tgonnaapol
ogizetoi
mi.

Imeansheshouldunderst
andthatshewasthe
onl
ypersonIconf
idedinsoitwasonlyri
ghtf
or
metothinkt
hatshewast heonewhor at
tedme
out
..
..
Well
i guessmypri
dewoul
dn'
tal
lowmeto
admitthatIwaswr
ongandapol
ogi
ze.
i won'
tapologiseforthefightIstartedthatday
eit
her,shedeser v
edit.
.i
ffornott ell
ingmom
thenfortell
i
ngt hatbi
gmout hgirlcall
edZitha
whom Iliter
all
yheardtell
inghermom t hatIwas
pregnantthedayaf t
ertheyar r
ived

Thatgi
rlnevercl
oseshermouth,she'
sabig
gossi
perandshet hi
nksshe'
sbettert
han
ever
yone.Shejustboresmetothecore

Themusicdownsstair
sgotl
oudersoi
closed
thedoor
,wentbacktobedandatemyfood.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#SETH

MyChr i
stmaswasj ustgreat,Iwentoutwith
fri
endsear li
er,thenIdidmydai lystal
king,
i
passedmyi mi'shousef ewtimes, Iwashoping
thatIcoul dseeherbutIdidn't.Ifi
nall
ydrove
backhomedi sappointedagain.Iwasl i
kea
mani act
hisdaysalway sgoingbyherhouse
hopi ngthatbychanceImi ghtseeher .Ihad
gonet oherhomeandaskedt oseeherbutshe
refusedt oseeme, inf
actsher efusedtosee
any body,evensarah.
Wewer esi
tt
ingar
oundthetabl
eeat
ingdi
nner
.I
keptpl
ayi
ngwithmyfood.

"i
smycooki
ngr
eal
l
ythatbad"mymom asked.

Me,
:owhnonotatal
l
.

Her
:whyar
eyounoteat
ingt
hen.

Me:
Iguessam nothungr
y.

Sar
ah:
youwentt
her
eagai
ndi
dn'
tyou.

Me:
wentwher
e,
Sar
ah:
nat
hy'
shouse.

Ikeptqui
et.

Sar
ah:iwi
ll t
akeyoursi
l
enceasay esandyour
di
sappoi
ntingfaceandl
ostofappeti
teasa
si
gnthatyoudidn'
tseeher
.

Me:fi
neIpassedt
her
eaf
ewt
imesandIdi
dn'
t
seeher.

Mom: seemsli
keshestil
ldeal
i
ngwit
hwhat
happened,
thatgi
rlhasHadthewor
stor
deal
anyonecanhave.
Youguysshoul
djustgi
veherti
me,l
etherheal
andwhenshe'
sreadyshewil
lseey
ou.
Sar
ah:butshe'
smyfr
iend,
Iwanttobether
efor
her
,Iwanthert
oknowthatshe'
snotal
one.

Mom: andam sur

esheknows,butr
ightnow
she'
sjustscar
eofthewor
ld.
Shedoesn'
tfeel
saf
eenought
ogetoutand
facet
heworld.

Sarah:If
eelbadforher,
Ican'thel
pfeel
i
ngl
i
kei
shouldhavebeenthereforher.

Mom: y
ouwoul
dn'
thav
edoneany
thi
ngt
ost
op
t
his.

Dad:youwer ealsodruggedsothiswas
pl
annedt her
ewasnot hi
ngyoucouldhavedone.
Yourfr
iendisluckytohav esomeoneli
keyouas
afri
end.
Me: If
eell
ikethepol
i
cearedoingnot
hingyou
know,Imeanwegav ethem agooddescri
pti
on
ofthatper
v et
.

Dad:
heywat
chy
ourt
onguey
oungman.

Me: am sor
rydadit
sjustt
hatt
hinkingabout
him makesmeangr y,
heshoul
dhav ebeen
rot
ti
nginprisonbynowwithhi
sf r
iends
Peopl
earenotsaf
ewi
tht
hismonst
eroutt
her
e
gal
avant
ingf
reel
y.
Whati
fhecomesf
ori
miagai
n.
Whyar
etheyt
aki
ngsol
ongt
ocat
cht
heguy
.

Dad:
theywil
lcatchhi
m,gi
vet
hem t
imej
ustl
et
t
hem dothei
rjob.
Mom: andyouhavetostopgoi
ngbyherhouse
now,itl
ooksl
ikeyouareastal
ker
,your
obsessi
onisnotheal
thy.

Me:
fine,
ijustwannamakesur
eshe'
sohk.

Mom:
li
keIsai
d,gi
vehert
ime.

Me:
fine,
canIbeexcused.

Mom:
yesy
oucango.

Itookmypl
ateoff
oodputi
ntheov
enbef
ore
goingt
omyroom.
Itookmyphonetri
edCalli
ngherbuther
numberrangunanswered,
onmysecond
attempti
trangst
rai
ghttovoi
cemail
.

"heyi
tsSet
h,Idon'tknowify
ousti
ll
havemy
number,
anywayIjustwannachecki
fyouar
e
ohk.
Iwannaremi
ndy
out
hati
fyouneedany
thi
ng
j
ustcal
l.
Am her
ef oryouandImissyousomuch, pl
ease
getbet
tersoon"Isentt
hevoicemessage.

Icouldn'tbeart
hethoughtt
hatIwouldbe
l
eavingsoonandt here'
sachancethatImight
gowi thoutseei
ngher.

Imi
ghtl
eav
eheri
nthi
sbr
okenst
ate.
Iloggedonmyf acebookBr
owsedt
hrough
hopingthati
mightseeapostfr
om Herbut
therewasnothi
ng.
Thelastti
meshepostedwasbef or
ethe
i
ncidentonthedayofthepar
ty,
shehadpost
ed
apictur
eofherandzit
ha.

Il
oggedoutthr
ewmyphoneont
hepi
l
lowand
tr
iedt
osleep

#admi
n
[
5/27,
15:
47]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYFORTY

#SFI
SO
Ikeptsteali
ngfewglancesatimiaswesat
outsi
de,shehasn'tbeenoutofthehouseforso
l
ongnow.shel ookedsodi ff
erent
,soli
ght
ski
nnedandpal e,shehadlostahugeamount
ofweight,andsheactuall
yhadcutoffall
her
hair
.
Ihaven'tt
alkedtoherf orawhil
enow, that'
s
becauseshedoesn' ttalkt
oany one.Shejust
spendsherday slockedupi nherroom, sheonly
comesoutt oeatorwhenshe'sgoi ngtotakea
bath.Ithi
nkIreceivedmuchbi t
terendt hanthe
others.
Shecouldn'tev
enlookatmeletal
onebeingin
thesamer oom wi
thmewi t
houtanyoneelse'
s
presence.

Shewassoclosetomey etsofaraway.I
missedt
alki
ngtoherandscoldi
ngher.
Imissedbeinginherpresence,
Imi
ssseeing
herlaugh,
ijustmissheari
ngherwonder
ful
voi
ce.

Myheartwassoheavy,IwasscaredthatIwil
l
havetol
eavesoonandImi ghtl
eavewithout
tel
l
ingherhowIreal
l
yfeltabouther
.

"shel
ooksl
i
keshe'
sinpai
n"Gci
nasai
d.

Me:
what
.

Hi
m: i
minat
hi,
youar
estar
ingatherandi
t
houghtmaybeyouwer
ewonderinghowshei
s.

Me:
yeahi
kindawas.
Hi
m: whyy
oudon'
tj
ustgoov
ert
her
eandt
alkt
o
Her
.

Me:
Ishoul
dtr
ybutIknowshewon'
ttal
ktome.
Shedoesn' tt
alkt oany
one.She'
ssoangryand
di
fferent ,
herey esareful
lofempti
ness.Ij
ust
wisht hingscoul dgobacktonormal,
IwishI
couldt akeawayherpai n,youknowmakeher
smileagai n.

Hi
m:seemsl
i
key
oucar
eabouther
.

Me:moret
hanyoucani
magi
ne,
Ican'
tthi
nkof
any
thi
ngel
sebuther
.

Hi
m:y
oul
oveherdon'
tyou.
Me:Iguessso,
eventhr
oughi
tsoundsso
wrongbutIl
oveher
,Ial
wayshave,
shewasmy
f
ir
stcrush

Him:
wow, l
ookaty
ou,youseem hooked,
did
yout
ell
herhowyoufel
t.

Me: no,i
wasscaredthatshemi ghtr
ejectme
becauseofthefactt
hatshestay swi
thncane
now.AndwhenIsummonedenoughcour age
anddecidedtotel
lher,
theinci
denthappened.It
seemsl i
kei
twasasi gn,awarni
ngsignf orme
nottotel
lher.

Him:thatmustbehar
d,Isawy
oust
andi
ng
outsi
deherdoorl
astni
ght.

Me:
ial
way
sgot
her
ewhenshescr
eams,
itsa
pi
tyIcan'
tgoinandhel
p,ijuststandatthe
doorandhavetosor
rowful
lyli
stentohercri
es.
Shecri
eseveryni
ght
,herpainfulsobseataway
atmyheart,
shedoesn'
tdeservet hi
s

Ikeptlooki
ngatherplayi
ngwithagl assofj
uice,
herfacewasempt y.Shewasstaringatsome
ki
dont hest
reetwi
thoutevenbli
nking.
Ijustprayt oGodshedoesn' tst
aybitt
erand
angryfort oolong,iwashopi ngshewi ll
have
thecour agetogobackt olivi
ngherlif
e,giv
eher
selfachanceathappi nessAndIwoul dbethe
onet ogivehert hathappiness,iwil
lshowher
thattheaut umnsmokewr i
tesdiff
erentand
mor ehopef ulmessagesi ntheskies..
..

Icanalr
eadyimagineushangingi
nthepark,
l
ayingonthegreengrassl
azil
y,abeauti
ful
summeraf t
ernoon,wewil
lbewatchingbir
ds
hopingabout,
somefly
ingonthesky,
some
rest
edont hetr
eessi
ngingsweetmel
odi
es.

Raysofsunshi
nehit
ti
ngonourfaces,
iwi
ll
ti
ckl
eherandhaveachancetowatchher
gi
ggli
ngandshowingofherbeaut
if
ulsmi
le.

Thatwouldbethegreat
estdayever
.Idri
ft
ed
awayjustatt
hethoughtofthat
.Iwant
edherto
behappy.

I
twasn'
tl
ongwhenwehear
dacarengi
ne
r
oar
ingatt
hefr
ont
.

Thenwit
hinf
ewminutesThabangandhi
s
motherwal
kedt
owardsus.
It
henshi
ft
edmyatt
entionf
rom i
mi t
omyfather
,
hewasst
ari
ngathi
sincomingguest
s.Hehada
pai
nedlookonhisface,
alookt
hatt
ookmea
whi
letounder
stand.

"
Dumel
ang"Joy
cesai
d.

"hi
"everyonerespondedacceptf ormymot her
whojuststoodupandwal kedintot heHouse,
Joycestaredatherwit
hasmi r
konherf ace,
shefol
dedherar msproudly.Surelyshefound
thi
ssit
uationamusing.Br
eakingpeopl e'
shome
andrui
ningourlif
ewasanachi ev ementtoher.

"It
houghtonl
yThabangwascomi
ng"mydad
sai
d.

Joyce:nhlakani
phopleasedon'
tpat
roni
zeme,
youthinkIwillj
ustal
l
owmysont ocometoyou
peoplealone.
Dad:i
sthereapr
oblem,t
habangisnotababy
anymore,
hedoesn'
tneedyoutohol
dhishand.
Pluswearehi
sfamily
,whatcanwedotohim.

Joyce:nhlakawee, Thabangkegwana,andhe
willr
emai nachil
dt ome, soideci
dewhat
happensi nhisli
fe.I
fyouhaveapr obl
em wi
th
thattheny oucanjustwalkawayli
keyoudidall
thosey ear
s.

Dad:fi
ne,
well
uhm wewi llbegoi
ngbackto
KZNnextweekandIstil
lwantachancetobe
wit
hmyson.Can'thejustcomewithus,hewi
l
l
spentaweekthencomeback.

Joy
ce:
nev
er,
thatwon'
thappen
"butmom Idon'
tmi
ndgoi
ng"Thabangsai
d.

Joy
ce:t
habangjustkeepqui
et,
youar
enot
goi
nganywher
ear eweclear
.

Thabangj
ustgav
ehermot
heradeat
hst
are.

Joyce:don'tyoudar egivemet hatlookboy ,

yourfatherlefty oual one,hedidn'tcar
eabout
you,irai
sedYoual lalone,y ouweresick,Iwas
i
nandoutofhospi talbuty ounevergotbetter,
doctorscouldn' ttellwhatwaswr ongwi t
hy ou,
theycouldn'tdoany thingbecauseal lyou
neededwast oknowy ourfamily
,i t
ookyout o
yourgrandmot herbutshechasedmeoutofher
housesay i
ngam j ustagol ddiggerwhowant ed
toruinherson' smar ri
age.
Shepausedandwi
pedhert
ear
s.

"ittookami r
acleforyout ogetbetter,Iwas
poorwi thnoonet ohel pmet akecar eofy ou
becausemyf ami l
ychasedmeoutaf terfi
nding
outt hatIgotpregnantf oramar r
iedman.I
raisedy ouallbymy selfwhil
eyourf at
herand
hisper f
ectfamilywer eoutthereliv
inglavish"
shecont i
nued.

Ev
ery
onewasnowst
ari
ngather
.

"hedi
dn'
twanty
ouandnowy oujustwannago
wit
hhi
m"shewipedt
hetear
st hatkeptf
all
i
ng

"am sorr
ymom, pleasedon'tcr
y"Thabangsai
d,
theyhuggedforawhile.Andhismom broke
downonhi sshoul
der.
"t
hisi
sahugemess"gr
annysai
d

Gr
andpa:
ithi
nknhl
akahast
odot
hingsr
ight
.

Dad:icanpayherforal
lthet
roubl
eshewent
Throughrai
singnhl
aka.

"Idon'
twanty
ourmoney
"Joy
cesai
dbr
eaki
ng
offt
hehug.

Joyce:
Ihavesuccessf
ulbusi
nesses,
Idon'
t
needyourmoney.

Dad:
thenwhatdoy
ouwantf
rom me.
Gr
anny
:It
hinki
hav
eagoodsol
uti
on.

Dad:
whi
chi
s?

Granny:youshoul
djustmanupandtake
responsibi
l
ity
,marr
yherandremov
etheshame
youhav eputhert
hrough.

Dad:ai
boauntMart
ahowcany ouevensuggest
suchathi
ng,nev
er,
Iam al
readymar
ried.

Grandpa2: butMart
ahasapoi nt,
youhav e
subjectedthisgi
rlt
hroughalotofpain,
andy ou
havebr oughtshamet oherandherfamil
y.you
havet otakeherasasecondwi f
e.
Dad:Iam al
readymar
ri
ed,
Ican'
tmar
ryanot
her
wif
e.
Gr
anny
:justmar
ryhert
radi
ti
onal
l
y.

Dad:
idon'
tbel
i
evei
npol
ygamy
,Il
ovemywi
fe.

Zit
haandcebowalkedawayandThabangwent
toimi
.Iwatchedhi
m gr
eet
ingher,
itsl
i
kehe
knewher.Andshewastal
kingt
ohim.

Theelder
skeptargui
ngandy el
li
nggoi
ngback
andfort
haboutthesecondwifethi
ng,
Joyce
wasnowquiet,shewassitt
ingonthechai
rthat
mymom wassi tti
ngi
n.
Ncaneaskedt obeexcused, IcouldseeAnger
anddisgustwrit
tenonherf ace,ibetshealso
hat
edt hefactt
hathersister'shusbandhadto
marryanotherwife.Al
lthi
st alkwasjustabsur
d
Iwasalsoangry,
Ididn'
twantdadtomarrythi
s
woman, hi
m marryi
ngherwil
lbreakmom.They
mightevengetdi
vorcedandIdidn'
twantt
hatto
happen.

Gci
nashookhi
shead.
"thi
sfamil
yisreall
ymessedup,theywant
every
thi
ngtogot hei
rwayandtheydonteven
carewhotheyhurtinthepr
ocess"hesai
d.

Me:dadmustbecrazyt
oacceptt
hisbul
l
shi
t,
hecan'
tmar
rythatwoman.

Myey eswentbackt oi
mi andthabangwho
weretalki
ngli
keoldfri
ends,seemsl i
kethi
sguy
hasreall
ycamet otakeeveryt
hingawayf r
om
us.Myey eswerenowgl uedont hem,Idi
dn't
hearmuchofwhatt heelderssaid.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#I
MINATHI

Myhear
tcr
ingedt
hemomentThabangmade
hi
swaytome.
Ireal
lywasinnomoodt otal
ktohi
m,iwanted
todisappearr
ightont
hespot,may
beIshould
j
uststandupandgotothehouse,
butt
hen
agai
nitsalr
eadyl
atef
orthat
.Hewasalr
eady
fewfeetawayfr
om me.

Ist
ayed,t
ookadeepBr
eat
heandt
ri
edpul
l
ing
mysel
ftoget
her
.

"hey
"hesai
dwi
thasmi
l
e.

"hi"Ianswer
edcol
dlyhopi
ngthathewi
l
lget
themessageandleavemealone.

"longti
me,iact
uall
yneverthoughti
wouldsee
youagainaf
teryoustoppedcomingtot
he
l
ibrar
y.
ButIguessf
ait
hisaf
unnyt
hing"hesai
d.
Me:sorryIjustdi
sappear
edonyou,
iwasunder
alotofpressureandyouknowhowexamscan
be.

Hi
m:i
tsf
ineIunder
stand.

Me:
thanky
ouf
orunder
standi
ng.

Hi
m:y
oul
ookbeaut
if
ul,
dif
fer
entbutbeaut
if
ul

Me:
thanky
ouIguess.

If
akedasmi
l
e,Ireal
l
ycouldn'
tbr
eat
he,
I
want
edhi
mtoleavemealone.

"uhmmm"heclear
edhi
sthr
oatandt
ooka
deepbr
eat
he.
"lookIheardaboutwhathappenedt
oyouat
thepart
y,Iam sorr
y.
Ishoul
dhav echeckedonyou.Iwantedtocal
l
butIdidn'
tknowwhattosaytoy ou.Thi
smust
bediff
icul
t"hesaid.
Il
ookedathi
m andal
lIsawwaspi
ty,
somuch
pi
ty.

Me:am fi
ne,it
sint
hepastnow,ithappened
andnobodycouldhavedoneanythi
ngtoStopi
t,
IguessIshoul
dbegladam al
ive

Ihadapai nf
ull
umpi nmythroat
.Iswall
owedin
befor
ei tembar
rassesme.Iam ti
redofcry
ing
now,Ijustwannabenormal.

"am sosor
ry,
Ihear
ditwastenguys,y
ouar
e
real
l
ystr
ong,mostpeopl
ewouldn'
thave
sur
viv
edt
hat
"hesai
d.

Me:
six.

Hi
m:what
?

Me:
six,
itwassi
xguy
sandIam l
uckyIsur
viv
ed.

Hi
m:oowhi see.Peopl
ear
oundKasi
aresay
ing
i
twastenguys.

Il
ookedathim andhewasstari
ngatmybody,
hehadadisgustedl
ookon.Ifel
tsoashamed
andbel
it
tl
ed.

"excuseme"Ist
oodupandwalkedpassedhi
m,
tear
sroll
eddownmycheeksasIwalkedaway.
That
'swhyilockedmysel
fint
heroom.Idi
dn'
t
wantpeopl
etolookatmeli
keiwassomedirt
y
l
it
tl
ehoe.

"sotheelderssuggest
edmar ri
age,
Itol
dy ou
theywould,t
heyalwaysputthei
regoist
ic
reput
ati
onfir
st"phummysaid.Theywer einthe
passagewhisperi
ngwithJoycebuttheyquickl
y
keptqui
etthemomentt heysawme.

"i
mi,
arey
oucr
ying,
what
'
swr
ong"shesai
d.

"am f
ine"Iwal
kedpastt
hem andwentst
rai
ght
tomyroom
"
What
'swr
ongwi
thher
"Joy
cesai
d.

Phummy:ahunet
inki
ngat
akhenay
e(shehas
herpr
obl
ems)
Ihear
dthem t
alki
ngbehi
ndme

#admi
n
Bol
ovybami
Sorr
yfornotposti
nglastni
ght
,t
herewasa
famil
ygather
ingandIwassloshed.

[
5/27,
17:
28]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYFORTYONE

#I
MINATHI

i
goti
nmyr
oom andsl
ammedt
hedoor
,Icoul
d
heart
hem gi
ggl
i
ngi nthepassage.i
tsli
kethey
werei
nmyhead, Iheardtoomanyvoices
l
aughi
nginmyhead, theywer
emaki ngfunof
me

"St
op"iy
elledbuttheyl
aughedharder
,theyar
e
ever
ywhere,fr
eddi
eandhisfri
endsare
ever
ywherelaughi
ngatme.

"noo.
..
"Iscr
eamedandbr
okedowni
ntoahowl
.
Myhear
twassuf
focat
ing,
Icoul
dn'
tbr
eat
he.
I
thur
ts,
itshur
tssomuch.

Myheadwasspi nni
ng,onthecor
neroft
he
room Icoul
dseehisdi
sgusti
nggaze,
Icoul
d
sti
ll
seeThabanglooki
ngatmel i
keIwas
damaged.
"getoutofmyr
oom"i
thr
ewmyhai
rbr
ushon
thewall
.

Itookoutallmypil
l
s,somewereforpai
nsand
somef orthepr
eventi
onofSTI
sandanti
-
depressant.

Iempt
iedal
lthecont
ainer
s.

Putal
lthepil
l
sinmymout
handdownedt
hem
wit
habot t
leofwi
ne.

Iwant
edt
ost
opt
hepai
n,Iwasr
eadyt
oendi
t
al
l.

Iwasdoingwhatwassupposedtohav
e
happenedthatday
,Ishoul
dhav
ediedandi
was
nowr
eadyt
oendi
tal
lforgood.
It
houghtofnobodybutmy
sel
fatt
hatmoment
.

Itwasn'tl
ongmyst
omachwasi nsomuchpain,
Ifel
tcrampsli
kemyint
est
ineswerebei
ngt
ied
i
nknot s.

Il
aidont
hef
loorsqui
rmi
ngandr
oll
i
ng.
Ihadsomuchsalivainmymout
h,i
twasso
ThickIcoul
dn'
tswall
owit
.

Myey eswerehalfopened,Isawt hedoor

sl
owlyopening,isawthoset i
nylegs,Ir
aised
myey esonlyt
obemetbyt hoseofCebo' s,she
hel
dt hedoorhandleandwasst andingthere
l
ookingatmewi thfearwri
ttenalloverherface.
Shewaster
ri
fi
edandshocked,
sher
ant
owar
ds
mescreami
ng.
If
eltt
earssti
ngi
ngmyeyes,i
real
l
ydidn'
twant
mylit
tl
esist
ertohav
ethi
simagestucki
nher
mind.
Whatwasshedoinginher
e,Imeanshenev
er
ent
ersmyroom t
hispastf
ewdays.
Whydi
dshechooset
oent
ert
oday
,andr
ightat
t
hismoment
.

"am...
..
am sorr
y"isai
dthr
oughthepai
n,Iwas
nowsweaty ,
mypalmsweredri
ppingwet,i
real
l
ywasi nhell
Tearsfel
lsideways,ist
ret
chedmyhandand
tr
iedtogethert oholdmyhand,sheplacedher
softt
inyhandonmi neandIsqueezeditunt
ilI
fi
nall
ycouldn't

"i
mi,
imi
Vuka"sheshookme,
Iwasi
nagony
andIcoul
dfeel
mysel
fdr
if
ti
ngaway
.

"pl
ease,pl
easedon'
tl
eaveme"wer
ethel
ast
wordsIhear
d.ThenIwasout
.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#SFI
SO.
Ihear
dpeopl
escr
eami
ngandcr
ying.

"what
'
sthat
"Gci
nasai
d.

Me:
itscomi
ngf
rom t
hehouse,
itcoul
dbemom.

Ist
oodupandrani
ntot
hehouse,
Gci
na
fol
l
owedaf
terme.

Ir
anupt
hest
air
s.

"it
scomingfrom i
mi'
sr oom"wer anthereand
thedoorwaswideopened, cebowasst andi
ng
bythedoorcryi
ngmer ci
lessl
y.Phumiwas
brushi
ngherbacktr
yingt ocal
m herdown.

Iwal
kedi
nandIwasmetbyi
mi'
sbodyont
he
f
loor
,ncaneandj
oycewer
ekneel
i
ngbesi
deher
t
ryi
ngtoperf
orm CPR.
Mymom wasont
hephone.

If
eltsodef
eat
ed,
mykneesweakned,
..
.
No,
shecan'
tdi
e..
..Isai
doutl
oud.

"haukoniwhathappened"Gci
nasai
dfeel
i
ng
herpul
se.

Ncane:
Ithi
nksheov
erdosedonpi
l
ls.

Gci
nal
i
ftedherup.

"weneedtorushhert
othehospi
tal
,shehasno
pul
se"hesai
d.
"I
'
lldr
ive"Isai
d.

"t
hekey
sar
einmydr
awer
"ncanesai
d.

Weallrushedoutbumpingi
ntomyf
ather
,
Thabangandtheelder
s.
Theywereal
lterr
if
iedl
ooki
ngati
mi whowas
coveredi
nWhitebubbl
efor
m onhermouthand
cheeks.

"whathappened"t
heyasked.

"sheOD( ed)
"Isai
dgoi
ngt
oncanesr
oom t
o
takehercarkeys.
Theelder
swerebusylamenti
ng,
Icamewi t
h
key
,theywer
ealreadyneart
hecar,
Iopenedit
,
heputheri
nthebackmom andncanegotin
wit
hherwhil
eGcinagoti
nthepassengerseat
.

Zi
thawasst
andi
ngonthever
andawi
thCebo.
Theybot
hwerescar
ed,
cebowasst
il
lcr
ying.

"whi
chhospi
tal
arey
ougoi
ngt
o"dadasked.

"mbombel
a"ncaneanswer
ed.

Idroveout
,myheartt
humpingsohar
d,I
couldn'
tev
enseetheroadcl
ear
ly.

"wat
choutman"Gci
nasai
dasIalmost
bumpedont
hebackofabakki
e.

Me:
shi
t.
..
Iwi
pedmyt
ear
squi
ckl
y.

Gci
na:
youknowwhat
,It
hinkIshoul
ddr
ive.

Il
ookedathi
m andhenoddedhi
shead.
Iparkedonthesideofther
oad,gotoutwentt
o
thepassengerseatandGci
nacamet othe
dri
ver'
sside.

Hest art
edthecaranddrovetothehospit
al,I
wasst ari
ngoutthewindow,mymi ndfi
l
ledwith
horr
iblethought
s,whatCouldhavehappened,I
meanshewasf inebefor
eThabangwentov er
toher.
Thabangmighthav
esai dsomethi
ng.Imean
whywouldshechooset odiewhil
eshest
ill
has
toomuchtoli
vefor,shehaspeoplewholove
andcar
eabouther
.Shehadme.

Ifel
tahugel umpst uckinmyt hroat,Itr
ied
hardert
oswal lowi t
,Idi
dn'twannacr y,man
don'tcr
y,Ididn'twannaseem weak.Butt he
trut
hisIwasv eryweak,Iwasscar ed,afrai
d
thatwemi ghtbet oolat
e.Afrai
dt hatshemi ght
neverwakeup, scar
edthatshemi ghtleav eme
andIwon'thav eachancet otell
hert hatIlove
her.

"wear ehere"Gci
na'
svoi
cepul
l
edmeoutofmy
thoughts.
Il
ookedaround,
wewer
epar
kedi
nfr
ontoft
he
hospi
tal
.
Hegotoutandl
i
ftedi
miandcar
ri
edheri
nsi
de
t
hehospit
al.
Iwasst
andi
ngneart
hecar
,wat
chi
ngf
rom af
ar.
Tearsjustgav
ein,
Iwasremindedofthe
prev
ioustimewebroughtheri
nhere.

Mom andncanewentinwi
thGcina,
Iwipedt
he
tear
sthenwal
kedint
othebui
l
ding.Thi
s
seemedli
kearout
inenow.

Theywer
eseat
ingonthebenches,ncanewas
fi
l
li
nginf
ormsInther
ecept
ionarea.

"Marauimi.Iknewsomethi
ngwaswr ongwit
h
herbutIdi
dntthi
nki
twil
lgettot
his"mom sai
d.

Gci
na:
Ial
sodi
dn'
tseet
hiscomi
ng.

Mom,
:shewasn'
theal
i
ng,
Ithoughtt
het
her
apy
washel
ping.

Gcina:
todayshel
ookedmuchbet
ter
,sheev
en
satoutsi
de.

Mom:Iwasalsogl
adtoseeheroutandabout
,I
t
houghtshewasfi
ne.

Me:shewas,unti
lThabangwenttoher,
Ithi
nk
sheknewhi
m. .
..Thabangmusthavesai
d
somethi
ngthatpushedhert
othis.

Mom:youdon'tthi
nkThabangwast
her
ewhen
shewasmolesteddoyou..
.

Me:Idon'
tknow,
all
Iknowi
sThabangcaused
t
his.
Ri
ghtt
henmyf atherwalkedi
nwit
hthedevi
l
hi
msel
f,Thabang,zi
tha,
ceboandJoyce.

"hecamewi
thher
"mom sai
dwi
thasar
cast
ic
l
augh.

"bast
ard"IpushedThabangt
hemomenthegot
tous"youdidthis"Isai
d.

Hi
m:heychi
l
lmanIdi
dnot
hingohk.

Me:
li
ar

Ithr
ewinapunchr
ighti
nhi
slef
tcheek,
dad
pull
edmeaway.
Nur
sesr
ushedt
owar
dsus.
"heysfi
so,areyoucrazy,t
hisisahospi t
alf
or
godsake"myFat hersaidf
irmly,heheldmeby
thecol
larofmyT- shi
rtasIsti
llwantedtogive
Thabangmor epunches,healsowant edtofi
ght
backbutGcinaheldhim

"whatthehel
listhi
s,anambush,isthi
swhy
youwantedmysont ocomet oyoufor
Chri
stmas,i
sitsothatthi
sdisr
especthool
i
gan
ofachil
dofyourstobeathim"Joyce.

"owhpl easenondi
ndwandin,don'
tyoudare
cal
l mysonahool i
gan,y
ouaresobitterand
i
rri
tati
ng,ifyouwantnhl
akayoucankeephim
andstopbeinganuisance"mymom sai d

"whati
sgoi
ngonher
e,mayIr
emi
ndy
out
hat
t
hisi
sahospi tal,
y ouar
escar
yingpati
ents,i
f
y
oudon'tstopt hi
snoisenow,am gonnahav e
t
oaskyout oleav earewecl
ear"thedi
rectorof
t
hehospit
al said.

Dad:
cleardoct
or,
am sor
ryf
ort
his.
Dr
:don'
tmakemecomeher
eagai
n.

Hethenwalkedaway,
Isnat
chedoutmyT-
shi
rt
col
l
arfrom hi
sgri
p.

"ifany
thi
nghappenstohery
ouwil
l payf
ort
his"
Isaidt
henwalkedoutoft
hehospi
tal,
Ineededf
reshai
r

Il
eanedbyt
hedoorandj
ustt
ookadeep
br
eathe,
Myhear
twasr
aci
ngandmyear
swer
ehot
.

"pl
easeGoddon'tt
akeheryet"Isai
dlooki
ngup
wit
hbothhandsonmyf ace.

I'
l
lrat
herhav eherint
hehousenott alki
ngt o
anyonethannothav i
ngheratall
,havingher
andnottalki
ngwi l
lbebetter
,atl
eastIwi l
lbe
sati
sfi
edwi t
hthefactthatshe'
sthere..
..

If
eltsomeonebehi
ndme,
Ilookedbackandi
t
wasGcina.

Hepat
tedmeont
heback.

"di
dthedoct
orcomeouty
et"Iasked
Hekeptqui
etf
orawhi
l
e.

Me:
pleasesaysomet
hing.

Him:hecameout ,hesaidt
heydon'
tknowy et
,
theyarest
il
ldrai
ningthepi
l
lsoutofhersy
stem
andshe'ssti
l
lout,butnowatl
eastshe'
s
breat
hing.

Isi
ghed.

Me:
that
'sbet
ter
.

Him:t
here'
sachancet
hatherl
i
veri
saf
fect
ed
bythi
s.
I
fshehasal
i
verf
ail
uret
hent
hatcoul
dbef
etal
.
Me:
itwon'
tgett
othat
,Iknowi
twon'
tgett
o
t
hat
.

Hi
m:wi
thGodi
twon'
t.

Me:
isdadst
il
li
nther
ewi
thhi
snewf
ami
l
y.

Him:he'sin.Thabangsai
dhedidn'
tdoanyt
hing.
Theywer ejustt
alki
ngandsheaskedtobe
excused.
May
beheof
fendedherwi
thsomet
hinghesai
d.

Me:
didhesaywher
eheknewherf
rom.

Him:appar
entlyhewor
ksattheli
brar
ywher
e
Imiandherfr
iendswer
estudyi
ngfor
exams,t
hat'
showheknewher .
Me:Isti
l
lwannabeattheshi
toutofhi
m.Imean
If
eell
ikehi
spresenceisacur
se.
Thisfewdayshecameintoourl
if
emom has
beensad,mysist
erhasbeenwit
hdrawn
becauseshefear
sthatmom anddadmight
spl
itup.
Nowi
mii
slay
ingonherdy
ingbed.
Tel
lmewhyIshoul
dnothat
ehi
m.

Gcina:becausehedi
dn'
tpl
anf
oranyoft
hist
o
happen.
Hedidn'
tchoosetobebor
n,yourf
atherandhi
s
mothermadethatchoi
cewhentheyslept
t
ogether
.
He'
snotatf
aul
t.
Iknowy oual
lfeel
li
key
ourfamil
yisf
all
ing
apartbutmaybeyouwi
llcomeoutst
ronger
,
may bethisisjustacurve,orali
tt
lebumpi na
l
ongr oadt ohappiness,maybehispresencein
yourli
veswi l
lbringfort
hbigandbetterthi
ngs.
thi
sisnotami sfort
une,butafort
unetoa
bri
ghterfutureandauni tedfami
ly

Me:
geezy
oushoul
dbeamot
ivat
ional
speaker
.

Him:l
olIspentalotoft
imewi
thmygi r
lf
ri
end
andsheli
kesli
steni
ngtomoti
vat
ional
speaker
s.
Hekeptqui etforawhil
etoolong,If
igur
ed
tal
kingabouthisgir
lf
ri
endjustbr
oughtbackt
he
unfort
unatesit
uati
onhewasi n.

Me: doessheknowt
haty
ouhav
etomar
ry
ncane.

Hi
m:no,
Idon'
tev
enknowhowt
otel
lher
.I
don'
twannahurther
,she'
spregnant.I
fItel
lher
shemightl
oosethebaby,
Ilovethatgi
rlandI
washopingtobui
ldafamil
ywithher.

Me:am sor
ryaboutal
lthi
s,theyshoul
dn'thave
f
orceyoutomarryncane,Shealsodoesn'twant
t
his.

Hi
m:it
sohk,It
hinkIdugthi
shol
emy
sel
f,now
i
tst
imeIbur
rymy sel
fini
t.

Me:
whatdoy
oumean.

Hi
m: Imadeater
ri
blemi
stake,
andnowIt
hink
i
tscomingbackt
ohauntme.

Hezoomedof
fforawhi
l
e.
"hey
,what
'sup"Isai
d.

"i
tsnothing,weshoul
dgobacktothehospi
tal
"
hepract
icall
ywalkedawayandIf
oll
owed.

#admi
n
[
5/29,
16:
52]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYFORTYTWO

#NQOBI
LE

Myri
ngi
ngphonewokemeupfr
om mydeep
sl
umber
,Il
ookatt
hescr
eenanditwas
phumzi
l
e.
Whatdidshewannagossi paboutnow.I
str
etchedagai
nfeeli
ngti
redbutmyheadache
hadsubsidedabitnow.Icoul
dhearthemusi
c
sti
l
lpumpi ngl
oudlydownstai
rs.

"hel
l
o"Ianswer
edl
azi
l
y

Her
:heyntombi,y
ousoundsl
eepynj
e,don'
ttel
l
mey ouar
esleepi
ngatt
hist
imeonaChr i
stmas
day
.

Me:am t
ir
ed.j
ethasabr aai
,thehousei
sful
l
andam i
nnomoodf orcompany .

Her:ohkIsee,
any
way
saf
tery
oul
eftdr
ama
happened.
Me:
whathappened

Iwasboredreall
y,Iwasi
nnomoodf orfamil
y
drama,Iwasstil
lfeel
i
ngabitsl
eepy
.Ij ust
wantedhertotal
kandgetitoverwi
th.

"wellJoycecameandt heelder
saresayi
ng
Nhlakashouldmarryher,owhandyoursi
ster
tr
iedtocommi tsui
cide"shesai
d.

Me:
who,
whatar
eyout
alki
ngabout
.

Her
:imi
nat
hi,
shetookahandf
ulofpi
l
lsand
t
ri
edtoki
ll
hersel
f.

Me:
what
,why
,whathappened,
Ithoughtshe
wasf
ine,
shewasout
sidewhenIl
eftmos.

Her:wellIal
sodon'
tknowwhathappened,I
al
sor ememberherpassi
ngmeont hepassage
cry
ing,Iaskedwhyshewascryi
ngbutshe
di
dn'twannat al
ksoIl
etherbe.
idi
dn'
tthi
nk
anythi
ngofitWasseri
ous.

Me:
damnt
hisi
sbad,
wher
eisshenow.

Her
:hospi
tal

Me:
shame,
let
'shopeshewi
l
lbef
ine.

Af
tert
alki
ngf
orf
ewmi
nut
esIdr
oppedt
hecal
l
.
Isuddenlyf
eltbadfori
mi,thi
swaswayt oo
muchf oronepersontohandle.Iwonder
edi
f
fr
eddiewastheoner esponsibl
eforwhat
happenedt
oher .Ineededt ofi
ndoutifi
twas
hi
m butIdi
dn'tknowhow, Icouldn'
tj
ustaskj
et
aboutit
.

Ri
ghtt
hent
hedoorswungopenj
etwal
kedi
n.

"owhy
ouar
eawake"hesai
dcl
osi
ngt
hedoor
.

Me:Ij
ustwokeup,myauntwokemeup,
appar
ent
lyt
here'
sacri
sisathome.

Jet
:whati
sit
.

Me:
imi
tri
edt
ocommi
tsui
cide.

Jet
:whoat
hat
'sex
treme
Me:shehaswentthr
oughahorri
bleor
deal
,i
fit
wer
emei wouldn'
thavesur
viv
edthisl
ong.

Jet:
itsagoodthi
ngthi
scanneverhappento
youthen,
becauseIsweari
fanyoneeverl
aya
handonyou,Iwil
lcutt
hei
rthr
oatoff
.

Me:
that
'sext
reme.

Jet
:Iwi
l
ldoany
thi
ngf
ory
ou.

Me:
cany
oubehonestwi
thme.

Hi
m:j
ahwhat
sup
Me:
arey
ousur
eitwasn'
tFr
eddi
ewhodi
dthi
s.

Jet
:wear
ebackt
her
eagai
n.

Me:
Ijustwantt
het
rut
h

Him:myguyshadnothi
ngtodowiththi
sohk,I
swear
.Wewereherehavingapart
yandFreddi
e
wasinbednur
singhi
sbrokenarm.

Il
ookedathi
m andhel
ookedpr
ett
yser
ious

Me:fi
nethen,sor
ryIaskedi
tsj
ustt
hati
mi'
s
si
tuat
ionbother
sme.

Jet
:it
sohk,
Iunder
stand.
Heki
ssedmyf
orehead.

"comel
et'
sgodownst
air
s"hesai
d.

Me:
am i
nnomoodf
orpar
tyi
ng.

Jet
:pl
easebabe,
imi
ssy
ou.
Theguy
sarewitht
hei
rwomen,
iam t
heonl
y
onewhoisal
one.

Me:
fine,
giv
emeami
nut
e,l
etmef
reshenabi
t.

Jet
:iam j
oini
ngy
ou.

Me:
nopam t
ir
ed,
andIknowwhyy
ouwanna
j
oinme.

Jet
:am nott
aki
ngnof
orananswer
,Imi
ssy
ou.

Hepi
ckedmeupandki
ssedmet
hencar
ri
ed
metotheshower
.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#SETH

*
***
AYEARLATER*
**

i
tsendofNovemberandIcoul
dn'twai
tto
act
ual
lygohome,Iwasdonewithmyexams.
Uni
versit
ywasfunanddi
ffer
ent,ihadlear
nt
newthingsandmeetdi
ff
erentpeople.
Ihadn'
tbeenincontactwi
thimibutIst
il
l
stal
kedheronFacebook.Atl
eastshest
arted
posti
ngamont hago.
Sheonlypostmot i
vati
onalmessagesand
sharedbi
bleverses,i
twasnothingi
nter
est
ing
real
l
ybutAt l
eastshestil
lpost
ed.

Saraht
oldmethatshewasmuchbett
ernow,
shehadmetupwithherfewti
mesandshe
seemedtober
ecov er
ingwel
l
.
Ipackedther
estofmyst
uff
,thendr
aggedmy
bagsint
omycar .
Igav
eDy
lanacal
l
.

"Whereareyou,
hurr
yupdudeam al
lpacked
andreadytogo"isai
d

Hi
m:chi
l
l,am al
mostt
her
eman.

IhangupandWai tedforhi
m.Dy l
anwasa
fr
iendi methere.Heli
v edi
nmybl ockatresand
wewer edoingt hesamecourse.Hewasf rom
witbank,Iwasgonnadr ophim of
fathisplace
beforeIdrovehome.

Hecameoutcar
ryi
ngabagpackandwas
draggingapi
nksuit
case.hewaswit
hhis
gi
rlfr
iendLey
la.SoIf
igur
edthepi
nkcasewas
hers.
Layl
awasdoi ngabusi nesscourseIjustdi
dn'
t
knowwhi chone,andshewasal sofrom
wit
bank,apparentl
ysheandDy lanstarted
dati
nginhighschool.Theywerehighschool
sweetheart
s.

"sor
ryman,
uhmmm Leylawil
lbejoini
ngusif
youdon'
tmi
nd"hesai
dloadi
ngtheirbagsi
nthe
boot
h.

Me:
nonotatal
l
,heyLey
la

Her
:hi
Set
h,t
hanxf
ort
her
ide.

Shewav
edherhand.Ley
lawast
all
,sl
i
m wi
th
bl
ondehai
r.
Weall
gotint
othecarandIdr
oveoff
,shewas
att
hebackandDyl
anwasi nt
hefr
ontwithme.

Icoul
dn'
twai
ttobehome,
Ihadn'
tbeent
her
e
si
nceendofJanuar
y.
Idi
dn'
tgohomej unebecauseihadtoatt
end
someextr
aclasses.Pi
l
otisareall
ydif
fi
cul
t
cour
se,i
trequi
ressomuchat t
enti
onandfocus.

"uhm soSeth,
where'
sHil
da"Ley
laasked,
Hil
da
i
ssomegi r
lIhookedupwit
hduri
ngwinter
.She
wastall
andbeauti
ful
,wi
l
dandaj unky
.
IguessIhadaneyeformessesupgi
rl
s
becausesheexact
lyl
ikeNqobi
let
otel
lthet
rut
h.

Me:
itdi
dn'
twor
kout
.
Her:owhIsee,i
tsgoodr
iddancethen,Ihear
d
thatshewasdati
ngoneofthelectur
ers,t
hat
gir
lisbadnews.

Dylan:y
eahshe'
stheworst
,sheAct
uall
y
seducedTom whi
leshewassti
ll
dati
ngSet
h.

Her
:Tom,
asi
nyourbot
herTom.

Dy
lan:
yeah,
Itel
lyout
hatgi
rli
sinsane

Me:she'sbadnews,Iact
ual
l
yfeel
greatt
hatI
usedprotect
ionwi
thher,
whoknows,Iwoul
dbe
si
ckbynow.
Seemsli
keshethr
owsher
sel
fatany
thi
ngt
hat
wearst
rouser
s
Dyl
an:am sur
eyoucan'
twai
ttoseet
hatgi
rl
,
what'
shernameagai
n.

Me:
IMI
NATHI

Ley
la:
whatki
ndofnamei
sthat
.

Dyl
an:
she'
sbl
ackandmyf
ri
endi
scr
azyabout
her
.

Ley
la:wowIdidn'
ttakey
ouasaguywhodat
e
mult
iraces.

Me:
meani
ng.
Ley
la:
Imeanbl
ackgi
rl
sar
eloudandghett
o.
Howarey
ouinl
ovewit
hsomeoneli
kethat
.

Me:i
miisnotl
i
ket
hat
,she'
sconser
vedand
r
eser
ved.
She'
smuchbet
tert
hanmostofwhi
tegi
rl
s.

Ley
la:
owh,
ohky
,shesoundsgr
eat
.

Me:
shei
sgr
eat
.

Dyl
an:
Ishoul
dvi
sity
ou,
sot
hatIcanmeett
his
gi
rl
.

Me:soundsl
i
keagr
eati
dea,
youshoul
dcome
by
,onthe16thmay
be.
Dyl
an:sur
ethi
ng,
Iwi
l
lbet
her
e,wewi
l
lgor
ight
babe.

Ley
la:
yeah,Ican'
twai
ttomeett
hisi
ncr
edi
ble
bl
ackgir
l.

Me:
goodt
hen.

Itol
dthem mor
eabouti
minat
hiandhowgr
eat
shewas.
I
twasgr
eatdr
ivi
ngwi
tht
hem.
Theyweregoodcompany,andIdi
dn'
tev
enf
eel
t
hedreadofthel
ongdr
ive.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#Sf
iso

Iwassickandt i
redofj oburg,Ireall
yneededa
changeofscenery,thisplaceiscr owded,andI
am donewi t
hmypr act i
calssoi havenothing
mucht odor eal
l
y.Ihat eclubswhi chseemst o
betheheartofthiscity,Icantjustgoaround
becauseimightgetr obbed, t
hisplaceisfull
of
cri
minals.

Imi
ssedKZN,
thequi
etnessandi
tsf
resh
breeze.Wel
l ihaven'
tbeenhomesincedad
decidedtomar ryJoyceasasecondwife,
thabangwasst ayingwitht
hem andwas
workingatt
hebi ggestlawfi
rminDurban.Dad
boughthim andhi smotherahousei
nDur ban,
andhespendsmostt i
methere,
Hewashardl
yhomeandwehadbecomelast
pr
ior
it
yinhi
sli
fe.mom wasnowbi
tt
erand
l
onel
y.Shewasdri
ft
ingaway.
Sheal
wayscompl
ainedaboutdad'
ssecond
wif
eandwhatascum dadwas.
Icoul
dn'
tbarewat
chingherdrowningi
nmi sery
soIstay
edaway.ThehappyfamilyIonceknew
wasgone,bei
nghomef orhol
i
daysmeantbei ng
sad.
Zi
thaal
way
swenthomeev
erymont
hend.
Shewasbot heredbymom andf el
tsor
ryforher
.
Whilemyhat efordadgrewstr
ongerbyeach
day.Icoul
dn'tevendar
et hi
nkt
hatIonce
respectedtheman,ihel
dhim ofhi
ghesteem.I
neverthoughthecouldhur
tmymom t heway
hedid.

Ithoughthedidn'
tloveJoycebutheactual
l
y
j
umpedatt hewordofmar ryi
ngher
.,hemarri
ed
herjusttwomont hsaft
erwel ef
tmpumalanga,
theygottradi
ti
onall
ymar r
iedandheabandoned
Hisf ami
lybecauseofawoman.Mymom and
ncanewentt otheweddingbecausetheywere
forcedtobytheelders.
Mom wantedtotodiv
orcedadforthefi
rstfew
monthsbutsheevict
edthethoughtbecauseof
Zi
tha,shet
houghtt
hedivor
cewoul daff
ect
Zi
thabadly
.

It
ookonel
astsi
ponmybeer
.
Pai
dmyt
abanddr
ovet
omyf
lat
.
Itookoutmykeysunl ockedthedoorandthr
ew
my sel
fonthecouch.Iwasal it
tl
ebitt
ipsy
,i
onlyhadfewbeersjusttoclearmyhead.

ItookoutmyphoneandIhadf
ewmessages
fr
om Nell
y.

"Imi
ssy
ou"
..
.

"i
lov
eyou"
..
.

"tel
lmewhatIdi
dwrong,youcan'tj
ustbr
eak
upwithmewit
houtareason,
pleasesfi
sotal
k
tome"..
..

Thosewer
ethef
ewofhermessages.Shehad
sentahundr
edoft
hem.
YeahIhadbr
okenupwi
thhert
womont
hsback.
If
eltbadreal
l
ybecausei
knewitwasmyfaul
t,I
st
il
lcoul
dn'tl
etgoofi
misoIdi
dn'
twanna
st
ri
ngNellyal
ong.
Idi
dn'
tl
oveherany
mor
e,i
miwast
heonl
ythi
ng
i
nmymi nd.

Talki
ngofimi,Ikeptintouchwi
thher.We
tal
kedfrequent
ly,shewasmuchbet t
ernowand
hadpickedupherl i
fe.
Shewastalki
ngofgoi
ngbackt
oschool
the
fol
l
owingyear.

Isti
l
lhaven'tt
oldherhowif
eltabouther
becauseithoughti
twastoosoon.
Ithoughtmetel
li
ngheraboutmyfeel
ingsmight
ruinournewl
yfoundFr
iendshi
p.Ri
ghtthenmy
phoner
ang.I
twasNel
l
y.
Ianswer
edaf
terl
ett
ingi
tri
ngf
orsol
ong.

Me:
Nel
l
y.

Her:heyt
hankGody
ouanswer
ed,
pleasedon'
t
hungup.

Me:
what
'
swr
ong,
whatdoy
ouwant

"you,iwanty oubaby ,
pleasetel
lmewher eI
wentwr ong.Imeanwewer eperf
ectt
heny ou
wenttompumal anga,wheny oucamebacky ou
changed"Icouldtellshewasdr unkfr
om her
voi
ce.

Me:
Nel
l
ypl
ease.
..
"iknowyouareunderpressur
e,i
knowyoutook
thethi
ngwit
hy ourdadandasecondwi
fevery
hardbutpl
easeletmein.
Wecanwor konthi
stogether
,Il
ovey
ou.Pl
ease
don'
tdot
his"hervoi
cebrokedown.

"pl
easesf
iso.
..
.Don'
tdot
hist
ome.
..
"

Me:Nell
y,Nel
lyl
i
stentome,
Itol
dyout
hatI
can'
tcont
inuewi
ththi
s.
I
thasnothi
ngtodowi
thy
ou,
am sor
ryi
didt
his
buti
tsf
orthebest
.

Her
:ther
e'ssomeoneel
se,
isn'
t.
..

Ikeptqui
etandt
ookadeepbr
eat
he.
Her:
whoi
sshe.
..
doIknowher
..
..
whot
hehel
li
s
she.

Me:pl
easedon'
tdot
his,
don'
tmaket
hishar
d,
j
ustMoveon.

Her
:justt
ell
mewhoshei
s.

Me:am sor
ryIhur
tyoubutpl
easest
opmaki
ng
t
hisdi
ff
icul
t.
Goodby
e.

Icutthecallbefor
eshecoul
dsayany
thingel
se.
Afterthatcal
lihadnochoi
cebutt
oblockher
number ,sheneededtomoveon.
Iguessi
tsagoodt
hingt
hatshedi
dn'
tknowmy
newpl
ace.
Iwentt
othef
ri
dget
ookoutal
eftov
erpi
zza
andwarmedi
t.

#admi
n
[
5/30,
21:
13]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYFORTYTHREE

#I
MINATHI

Ay earhadpassedandev ent
ual
lyIlearntto
pickupt hepiecesofwhatwasl ef
tofmyl i
fe.I
t
tooksomuchf ormet ofinal
l
ypullmy sel
f
together,af
terthesui
cideatt
empt,iwasunder
watchf ortwoweeks.Theyt r
ackedev ery
thingI
dobecauset
heyt houghtIwasadangert o
mysel
f.Anewt herapywasassignedtome, i
t
wasabeauti
fulIndianwomanwhoseper sist
ent
wasmuchwor set hantheprev
iousther
apist
.
SoIendedupconf idi
nginher.
Shewasanicel
ady,
quit
eunderst
andi
ng,and
gavemehopetowannali
veandfi
ghtagai
n.
Ifi
nal
lyl
earntt
ot al
kabouttheordeal
sihad
beenthr
oughinmyent ir
eli
fe.I
nsteadof
bott
li
ngupstuffandfeel
ingangryall
thet
ime.

Ifi
nall
yfoundthecouragetotell
mom about
howweendedupi nthestr
eetsandt hefact
thatmystepdadmol est
edme, Itol
dherabout
thepregnancyandthemulti
pleaborti
ons,She
wassosuppor ti
ve,
shenursedmebacki nto
healt
h.Shewasagoodper sonandIwasl ucky
tohaveherinmyl i
fe.
Ihadt ri
edreconnecti
ngwi thCeboagai n,I
spental otofti
mewi thher ,
i r
emember edwhyI
wantedt oli
vethev eryfi
rstt i
meIwasv i
olated,
i
twasbecauseIdi dn'twannal eav eheralonei n
thi
scr uelworl
d.Wet alkedagai n,welaughed
together,wewentt othepar kbecauseIneeded
toreassureherthatIhadn' tabandonedher .She
neededt oknowt hatIwast hatandshecoul d
countonme.Besi desIfeltbadf orthat
gruesomesceneshehadt owi tnessthatday
becauseofmysel fi
shness.

Itol
dSar ahaboutmyupbr ingi
ngandev erythi
ng
Ifaced,shefeltsosadf orme, shewast here
whenev erIneededt otalk,
orwhenev erIneeded
ashouldertocr yon,Ihadn'ttol
dpr eshanday a
aboutwhatIwentt hroughbutt heywerest il
la
partofmyl i
fe.Wewer enowmor eclosert han
before.
Bestf
ri
endsf
orl
i
fe,
theynev
ert
reat
edmeany
diff
erentlyandtheyneverjudgedme.Al othad
reall
yhappenedt hi
sfewmont hs,Ihadn't
compl etelyheal
edthough.thenightmaresand
thejumpi nesswasstill
there,Icoul
dn'terase
thatnightf r
om mymi nd.
Iguesssomethi
ngsaretoogr
uesomef
ort
he
mindtoeraseorfor
get
.

Ihadtoldmy selft
hatIwasgoi ngbackt o
schoolthefoll
owingy ear
,Isti
l
l hat
edthef act
thatIhadtositanent i
reyearwithoutschool.
Myf ri
endswer edoingmat r
icandIwasat
home.
That'sbecausef orthefirstfewmonthsIsti
l
l
couldn'tfacet hewor ld,
Ididn'twannagoback
toschool becauseIwasaf raidand
embar rassed.It houghtev eryonewoul
dbe
l
aughi ngatme.Butnowal lofthatdi
dn'
tmatter
,
Ineededt hi
seducat iontomakesomet hi
ngout
ofmy sel
f.Ineededtobesomeonewi t
h
purposenotjustarapesurvi
vor
.Iwasgoing
backtoschool evenifi
twastoolat
eforme.I
wasgonnabesuccessf ul
andIwantedtoshow
thewor l
dthateventhemostbrokenpeopl
ecan
sti
llmakeit.

Ital
kedwit
hZit
haandSf i
sodail
y,theywereso
cl
osestt
omeev enthoughtheywer esofar
,I
call
edZi
thaev
erydaybefor
eIsleptandI
chatt
edwit
hSfi
soonFacebookmostoft he
ti
me.

Ihav en'
theardfrom Set
hf orawhilenow,I
rememberseei ngaposthehadpost edinJune,
i
twasapi ctur
eofhim andsomewhi tegir
l,t
hey
wer ekissi
ng,i
tlookedli
kehewasr eal
ly
enjoy i
ngtheuniver
sityl
i
f esty
le.SoIdoubthe
woul dbechasingaftertheli
kesofmeagai n.I
meanthatgi
rlwast
oohot
,shewasdef
ini
tel
y
hi
stype.
Iguesshehadal
if
et ol
iv
e,andIwast
ryi
ngby
al
lmeanstoli
vemine.
*
*
*
Ihadgiv
enupont hepol
icecatchi
ngFreddie,
andhi
sf r
iendsImeanit
sbeenmont hsnow
si
ncetherewasanydevelopmenttothecase.
Thelastt
imetheyhadsomet hi
ngtangi
blewas
whentheycaughtoneoft heguys,i
twast he
dudewiththeNigeri
anascentandhewoul dn'
t
saywhereFreddieandtheotherswereatfir
st,
i
nfacthewouldn'tsayany
t hi
ng.Ir
emember
Iwascal
l
edt
opi
ckhi
m outi
nthel
i
neup.

Af
ewmont
hsaf
terIhadpi
ckedhi
m up,
Hedi
ed
i
nthehol
dingcel
l
,whi
l
ehewasawai
ti
ngt
ri
al.

Apparent
lysomeonestabbedhi
mtodeat
h
dur
ingariotthatbr
okeup.
Soaf
terhi
sdeat
hthepol
i
cewer
est
uckagai
n.

Itwasquit
econveni
entthatt
hedudewas
supposedl
ykil
l
edinaf i
ghtri
ghtaf
terhewor
ked
upadeal wi
ththepol
ice.
Hepromi
sedtogi
vethem f
ull
stat
ementi
fthey
r
educedhi
ssent
ence.

Istil
ldi
dn'tgethowFr eddieandhispunkswere
abletoavertthepol
iceforsol ong,
Imean
wherecant heybe.Nelspruitwasnotthatbi
gof
aplacetojustswall
owt hem upwi t
houtany
tr
ace.
Istart
edtothi
nkthatmaybetheyhad
connecti
onsatthestat
ionbecausesome
peoplewil
lcal
lsayi
ngtheysawt hem i
nsome
warehousebuteveryti
mewhent hepoli
ceget
there,
theywil
lbegone.

I
tsli
ket heywer emagi ci
an,maki
ngf ooloft
he
pol
ice.Istart
edf aci
ngt hepossi
bil
i
tythatI
mightnev ergetjust
ice.
*
*
Mom wasst i
l
l weari
ngblackcl
othes,
shewas
sti
lli
nmour ningforherdepar
tedhusband,she
wasgonnat aket hem of
fandbecleansethe
fol
lowingmont hwhichwasDecemberandaf t
er
thecleansi
ngshewasgonnagetmar riedt
o
Gcina.
Yeahtheel
der
shadt
hefi
nalsay
.Gcinawas
gonnamarr
ymom.Ihat
edthi
skindoftr
adi
ti
on,
t
omei tseemedl
i
ket
heywer
eoppr
essi
ng
woman.
Howcantheyfor
cemom t
omar
ryaper
sonshe
di
dn'
tev
enlove.
Apparentlyaf
tertheweddingGcinawasgonna
mov eintothehouse.Iwonderedifhewas
gonnabeagoodofaf at
herasJadenwas.I
guesst i
mewi l
ltell
.

"youst
il
lawake"Cebosaidfaci
ngme,
wewer
e
i
nbedanditwaspast00:15

Me:j
usthadal
oti
nmymi
nd,
whatwer
eyou
l
aughi
ngat.

Her
:when.
Me:
now,
youhavebeenl
aughi
ngi
nyoursl
eep
f
orf
ewminut
es.

Her
:owhi
tmustbet
hedr
eam Ihad.

Me:
whatdr
eam.

Her
:Ihadadr
eam aboutMom.
Shelookedl
ikeanAngel
,shet
alkedwit
hme,
shesaysIshoul
dtel
lyoutost
opcutti
ngy our
hair
.Shesaysyouwil
ll
ookgoodifyouletit
grow.

Me:
real
l
y(r
oll
edey
es)

Her
:yes,
shesai
dshemi
ssesus.
Shei
ssosor
ryshel
eftsosoon,
shewant
edt
o
bether
etopr
otecty
ou.Butshecoul
dn'
t.She
l
ovesus.

Me:
butshewasn'
tther
esoi
tsal
i
ttl
etol
ate
Forhert
osaysor
rydon'
tyout
hink

Her
:wel
lshepl
ayeddol
l
swi
thme.
I
twasgr
eat
,shemadej
okesandwel
aughed
t
oget
her
.

Me:
owhIsee.

Weconti
nuedt
alki
ngunt
ilshewentbackt
o
sl
eep.

Iwasl
eftst
ari
ngatt
hewhi
tespot
lesscei
l
ing.
Thereali
tyofthemat terisIreal
l
ymi ssedmy
mom, may beit
st i
meIf indoutwhatr eal
ly
happenedt oher.Ineedt ofi
ndhersot hatIcan
askwhyshel eftuswi t
ht hatmonster.
Imadeanot
etoaskmom t
ohel
pmel
ocat
eher
i
nthemorni
ng.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#NQOBI
LE

Iwokeupearl
yint
hemor ni
ng,
Brianwasi
nhis
cot,
hewascryi
nghisey
esout.Jetwasnot
nexttome.

Iwor
emygownandt
ookhi
m.

"Heynanacan'
tyougivemommyabr eak,I
needtorest
"IsaidasIli
ftedhi
m up.Ihadn'
t
sleptt
hewholenightbecausehekeptcryi
ng.
Myey eswereredandIwast i
red.

Hesmel
ledhor
ri
ble,
meani
nghemessed
hi
msel
fagai
n.

GoshIdi
dn'
tknowbabi
eswer
esuchhar
dwor
k,
theyar
esotir
ing,
theyeat,
shi
t,cr
yandsl
eep
andwhentheywakeupt heci
rcl
eBegi
nsagai
n.

Iwassotir
ed, Br
ianwasacr
ybaby
,hewas
al
way swai
li
ngandhesuckedonmybreastl
i
ke
nobody'
sbusiness.
Iwant
edtobottl
efeedhim butjetr
efused,
he
sai
dIshouldbr
eastsfeedhim sothathewoul
d
beheal
thy.
Ihadlostalotofweight
,mostofmyclot
hes
didn'
tfi
tanymore,Il
ookedhorr
ibl
eandmyhair
wasf al
l
ingoffal
ot.

Iplacedhi
m backonthecot,
Icoul
dn'
thandl
e
thesmell,
Iwenttopourwarm wat
eri
nhis
basin,j
etwasnowheretobeseen.
Wel
lIwasli
vi
ngwithhi
mf ul
lti
menowwhich
wassogr
eat,hedi
devery
thi
ngIwant
ed.He
tr
eatedmelikeanegg,al
way sspoi
li
ngme.He
washappythatIgavehim ason.Ihaven'
tseen
orheardofTheresaev
ersinceImov edhere.
Iwasgl
adhechosemet
obeHi
swi
fe.
Hepaidther
estofther
emainingdowr
yaf
terI
gav
ebi r
thwhi
chwasMay .Andweweregett
ing
marri
edonthe27thofApr
ilt
hef ol
l
owi
ngyear.
Hehadhi r
edaweddingpl
annerf orthewedding
becauseIhadmyhandsfull
wi thBrian,Iwant
ed
hi
mt ogetanannybutherefused,hesai dBri
an
wassoy oungt
obeleftwi
tht hestranger.
If
oundhisr
easonscomplet
elynonsense,
I
meanBri
anwassixmonthsold,t
omehewas
ol
denough.

Hewai
l
edf
rom t
het
opofhi
svoi
ceagai
n.

"damnam comi
ng,
keepi
tdownwoul
dyou"I
y
ell
edasi
fhecoul
dhearme

Itookt
hewat
erbacktomyroom.Iplacedi
t
down,t
ookhi
m andfedhi
mfir
stbeforebat
hing
hi
m.

Hestareddeeplyinmyeyesashesucked
hungri
lyonmybr east
,hewassocute,hehad
myt i
nynose,andallt
heotherf
aci
alfeat
ures
werethoseofhisdad.
Hewassocuteandchubby
,themostl
ovabl
e
t
hingonear
th.
Iwasst i
ll
admiri
ngmywonderfulcreat
ionwhen
theli
ttl
ebeastbi
tmynippl
e.Iscreamedinpain
asitfel
tli
keitwasaboutt
ofelloff
.

"r
haaausi
le"Ismackedhi
sfor
eheadandhe
st
art
edcry
ing.
Ipl
acedmybreastbackint
omybraandcl
i
cked
mytongueasitst
il
lfel
tpai
nful
.

Iundr
essedhimt henbat
hehi
m,hecr
iedso
much,hedidn'
tl
ikewater.

Aft
erbat
hinghi
m,Idr
essedhiminabl ueJean
andawhil
elongsl
eev
ev estandsocks.
Hewasj ustsoadorabl
e,It
ookfewpict
ures,
he
smil
edexposinghisinf
lamedgums,hewas
teet
hing.

Ibr
eastf
edhi
m agai
nandhesl
ept
,Ipl
acedhi
m
i
nthecot.

Tookmyphoneandpost
edhi
spi
ctur
eon
Facebook.
Il
oggedoutandst
artedcleani
ngthehouse.I
hadtobequi
ckbecausejetwil
lcomplai
nifhe
comesbacktoadir
tyhouse.
*
*
Myli
fewasper
fectr
egar
dlessofwhatMom
t
hought
.
Jetwassogoodt ome, andspeaki
ngofmom, I
hardl
yt al
kwit
hher.Andwhenwedot al
kthe
conversati
onwil
lbedryanddull
,sheasked
aboutBr i
anmostl
y.
Shenev eraskedaboutme, abouthowIwas.
Inf
acti t
slikeIdi dn'
texistinherwor l
d,Iwas
evensur prisedbyt hefactt hatshecamet othe
hospitalthedayIgav ebirth.Sheevennamed
mysonSamkel o, anameIhar dlyuse.Shedidn'
t
actli
keamot hertowardsmeandIwasf i
ne
withthat,Ididn'tneedher .Myl i
fewasper f
ect
wi
thouther
.

#admi
n.

Iknowi
tsshor
tbutam sobusyguy
s
[
6/2,
16:
39]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYFORTYFOUR

#I
MINATHI
.

Iwokeupthenex
tmorni
ngsot
ir
edbecauseI
onl
ysleptf
ort
wohour
s.
Icl
eanedthehouse,
thi
shousewashugeand
emptynow.Iknownqobil
eandinev
ertal
ked
buti
twasbet
terwhenshewasst
il
lher
e.
Nowitfeel
slikewe'v
elostt
wopeopleatonce,
dadandher,Ihaven'
tseenhersi
nceshegave
bi
rt
h.
Shenevercomest ov
isi
t,andIonl
ysawthe
babyi
napi ctur
eoncewhenmom wenttothe
hospi
talt
hedayshedeli
veredshetooka
pi
ctur
eoft hebabywi
thherphone.
Icoul
dseet
hatMom mi
ssedher
,loosi
ng
bot
hofthem wasmuchhar
derf
orhert
hani
t
wastous.
Sheal
waystal
kedabouther
,shewoul
d
somet
imescal
lmebyhername.
Sheshedt
ear
swhenev
ershement
ionedher
name.

Shefearedf
orher,shehadsaidinsomany
occasi
onsthatshethoughtJet
hrowasnota
goodguy
.

Bytheti
meIwasdonecleani
ngmom wasup,
shefoundmei
ntheki
tchenmakingt
ea.

"
Mor
ning"shesai
dtaki
ngacup.

Me:
mor
ning

Her
:howwasy
ouni
ght

Me:
Notbadandy
our
s.

Her
:itwasbet
ter
,iscebost
il
lasl
eep

Me:
yes.
Ther
ewassomesi
l
ence.

"uhm Iwasmeani
ngt
oasky
ousomet
hing"i
sai
d.

Her
:whati
sit
.

Shet
ookhercupoft
eaandsatwhi
l
stst
ir
ri
ngi
t.

Me:
itsaboutmymom.

Ial
sot
ookaseat
.

Her
:whatabouther
.
Me:wel
lIwannalookforher,
Ineedtoknow
wher
esheis,whethershe'
ssti
ll
ali
veordead.

Shecoughedabit
,,
,
"what'
swrong,di
d
somethi
nghappen,di
dIdoanyt
hingwrong"she
asked.

Me:
no,
whywoul
dyout
hinkt
hat
.

Her:well
yousai
dyouwantt
of i
ndyourmother
soIthoughtmay
beyouwantedtol
eave,maybe
Ididsomethi
ngt
hatmakesyouwannalocat
e
yourmother.

Me:hayyima,t
hishasnothingtodowithyou,
youhavebeennothingbutgoodtous,youarea
Godsent.Butt
hisissomethingIf
eelIneedto
do.
Awhi
lebackIhadweir
ddreamsaboutherand
nowCeboisdr
eamingabouther
.

Her
:Isee.(
Shet
ookasi
ponhert
ea)
.

"besi
desineedt
oknowwhyshel eft
,she
needstogi
veusreasonsforherDepart
ure,
she
owesusthatmuch"Isaid.

Her:
i getwhereyouar
ecomi
ngf
rom,
Iwi
l
lhel
p
youlookforher.
Gi
vemehernameandsur
nameandherphot
o.

Me:
wil
lherI
Dbeenough.

Her
:yesthat
'sev
enbet
ter
.Iwil
lgi
veittooneof
myfri
endinKZNandshewil
laskaroundabout
her

Me:
Thanky
ousomuch,
thanksf
ory
ourhel
p.

Her
:noneed,y
ouaremyki
dsandIwi
l
ldo
any
thi
ngfory
ougir
ls.

Ismi
l
ed.

"wewi l
lfi
ndyourmot her,butyouwil
lhaveto
acceptherinwhat ev
erst ateyoufi
ndherin,you
willhavetoforgi
veherf orleavi
ngyou,because
am pr et
tysureshemighthav eapr
ettygood
reasont ohavelef
tyou"

Inodded.
"Ij
ustwannaf
indher
"Isai
d.

Her
:andwewi
l
l.

Weconti
nuedtal
ki
ngunti
lCebowal
kedi
n
wear
ingherpi
nksil
kgown.

"mor
ningmom"shehuggedher
.

Mom:
mor
ningdear
,howdi
dyousl
eep.

Cebo:gr
eat,
soam st
il
lgoi
ngwi
thy
out
oyour
workpl
ace.

Mom:yep,
butyouar
elat
e,gof
reshenup,
Iwi
l
l
bel
eav
ingsoon.
Cebo:
oowhm,
whataboutbr
eakf
ast

Mom:don'
twor
ryIwi
l
lgety
ousomet
hingon
t
heway.

Cebo:
greatt
hen.

Shelef
tthekitcheni
nahurr
y,i
twasn'
tl
ong
bef
orewehear dherscr
eamingi
nthebat
hroom.
Webothr ushedther
e.
Wejustbargedinshewasst
andi
ngbyt
he
Smallbasi
nwithahandonhermout
h.

"what
'
sgoi
ngon"mom sai
d.

"owhmygod,
owhmygodam bl
eedi
ng"she
wasi
npani
cmode.

Mom:
wher
e,whathappened.

"Mom IswearIdidn'
tsl
eepwithanyboys,iwas
agoodgirl
,ionlyki
ssedKevi
nam sorry
"she
sai
d,shewasn'tmakinganysense,
Iwasr eal
ly
conf
usedatalltheji
bbi
ri
shshewassay ing.

Mom:cebowhat
'sgoi
ngon,youneedt
ocal
m
downandtel
lmewhathappened.

Shetookadeepbr
eathe"am bl
eedi
ng,
my
vagi
naisbl
eedi
ng"sheshowedusherpant
y.

"IswearIdi
dn'
tsl
eepwi
thany
one"shesai
d.
Mom: noi
tsohk,pleasecomedown,
youdi
d
not
hingwrong,
thisisnormal
.
Comeher
e

Shesqueezedheri
nforahug.
..

Her
:what
'sgoi
ngon.

Mom:thismeansy ouarebecomingawoman,
youar
einy ourmenstr
ualperi
ods.I
ts
compl
etelynormalandever
ygirlgothr
oughi
t.

Cebo:
didy
oual
sowi
tnessedt
his.

Me:of'
cozIdid.Wel
comet
oadul
thood,
youno
l
ongerachil
dNana.
Mom: don'
tli
stentoherdear,
youaresti
l
la
chi
ld,
thisi
sanotherstageandchangesyour
bodygoesthrough.

Her
:sohowdoIst
opi
t.

Mom: youdon'
t,
itwi
ll
stopbyi
tssel
f,f
ornow
wewill
useimi'
spads,Iwi
ll
buyyourswhenwe
gett
otown.
I
mipl
easebr
ingusapad.

Il
eftj
ustasmom wast el
li
ngheraboutboys
andgett
ingpr
egnantatthatst
age.Ienv
iedher
noli
e.
IwishIhadal
sowitnessthi
s,Iwi
shIhad
someonewhot ol
dmehowt ohandl
esuch
si
tuati
on.Iwi
shIhadalsobeenscar
edand
afr
aidtoseesuchchangesinmybodybut
i
nst
eadIhadt
hatoppor
tuni
tyt
akenawayf
rom
me.
Ihadexper i
encemyper i
odsatt heageof12, it
wassoear l
y, Iguessthef actthatIwasal ready
sexuallyachieveatthatpoi ntcausedt hat..
..
.I
hadnoonet ot alktoatthatt i
me, noonet obuy
mepadsIhadt ousesomeofmycl ot hesthat
weret ornbey ondrepairformet owear .Ihadto
experiencethel eaksandt heembar rassment ,I
wasf orcedtowashev erybl oodiedclothsfor
reuse.

Ihadnoone,
itwashel
lforme, t
hepai
nsand
heavycr
amps,Iwasal
lalone.
Mymom wasnev ertheretot ellmewhatt odo.
Ididn'
tknowhowdanger oust hiswasunti
l Ifel
l
pregnantayearlater.May beifIknewIwoul d
havetakenprecautions,Iwoul dhav ewentt o
thecli
nicandgottent heinjection.Atl
eastI
woul
dn'thavefal
l
enpr
egnantandabor
tedany
i
nnocentsoul.

Iwi
pedmyt
ear
sjustasmom cal
l
edmyname.

"am comi
ng"Isai
d.

Iquickl
ycheckedmysel
fonthemir
rorbef
ore
taki
ngthepadandrushedbackt
othem.
*
*
*
Twohour slat
er,Ceboandmom l ef
t.Mom had
takentheI Dwithher.Ihopedtheyf
indher.I
j
ustsati ntheloungeandsur f
edthroughthe
channels.Ifel
tsosadandgl oomy ,
Icouldn'
tget
mypastoutofmymi nd.Somanyunwant ed
memor
iesf
loodedmymi
nd.

Ineededadi
str
acti
onSoitookmyphoneand
cal
ledSar
ah.Sheanswer
edonthesecondr
ing.

"
Dar
li
ng"shesai
d.

Me:
heygi
rl
,ar
eyouupy
et

Her
:yeah,
Ihav
ebeenupsince6:30,
am bored,
I
wasthi
nki
ngofcomi
ngovertoyourhouse.

Me:real
l
y,pl
easedocome,
am homeal
one
bor
edoutofmymi nd.

Her
:am onmywayt
hen,
shoul
dIbr
ingany
thi
ng.
Me:
achocol
atebarpl
ease.

Her
:youandchocol
ates.

Me:
Ijustcan'
thel
pmy
sel
f.

Her
:seey
oui
ntwent
y..
.

Me:
don'
tfor
getmychocol
ate.

Her
:of
'cozIwon'
t
.

Aft
ertalki
ngt
oher
,Iwenttotakeaquick
shower,Iwor
emyjeggi
ngsandal ooset
opwi
th
sl
eepers,i
twasal
azydaysot her
ewasnoneed
f
ormet
odr
essup.
Iwentbackt
othel
oungeandwai
tedf
orSar
ah.

Wi
thi
nmi
nut
esIhear
dacarr
oar
ingout
side.
Iwal
kedoutandSet
h'scarwaspar
kedbyt
he
gat
e.
Hewasdr
ivi
ng.Idi
dn'
tev
enknowt
hathewas
back.

Sarahjumpedoutofthecarwi
thaplasti
cinher
hand,shewaswearingaJeanandat i
ghtcrop
topwithTommy s,
shelookedgood

SheLookedatmeandsmi
l
ed,
Ismi
l
edback.
Set
hal
sogotoutoft
hecar
.
HewasWeari
ngablackchi
nowi
thawhi
teT-
shi
rtwi
thabl
ackJor
dan.
Helookedsoyummy
.Hehadcuthi
shai
r,he
l
ookedperfect
.

Theybot
hwal
kedi
n.

Weshar
edahugassoonasSar
ahgott
ome.

"heyDar
li
ng"shesai
d.

Wet
henbr
oket
hehug.

"Set
h"Isai
dashewasawkwar
dlyst
ari
ngat
me.

Hi
m:uhm hi
.
Me:
youar
eback.

Hi
m:y
eah,
Icamebackl
astni
ght
.

Me:t
hat'
snice,
youlookgood,
uni
ver
sit
yli
fei
s
t
reat
ingyouwell
,Isee.

Hi
m:i
tsgood.
,youal
sol
ookgr
eat
.

Me:
Ifeel
great

If
akedasmi
l
e.

Hi
m:Isee,
itsgoodt
oseey
ou.Imi
ssedy
ou.

Me:
owhr
eal
l
y.
Hi
m:y
es,
whydoy
ousoundsur
pri
sed.

Me:wel
lIguessIwasn'
tex
pect
ingt
obe
mi
ssedbyyou.

Hekeptqui
et.

"sowherei
syourmom andi
mi"Sar
ahbr
oke
thesi
l
ence

Me:theywentt
owork.Mom saidshewant
edt
o
showCeboaroundherwor
kplace

Her
:ohk
Me:
Ihopey
oubr
oughtmychocol
ate.
Her:
don'
tsweat
,Set
hboughty
out
heBi
ggest
One.

Me:
ow,
thanky
ouSet
h.

Hi
m:y
ouar
ewel
come.

Hewasstar
ingandt
hatmademe
uncomf
ort
able.

"youshoul
dgo,Iwi
l
lcall
youwhenam r
eadyt
o
go"Sar
ahsaidt
oSeth.

Hi
m:Icanst
ayabi
tIdon'
tmi
nd.
Her:andcr
ampoursty
le,
noway,yousai
dyou
weregonnavi
sity
ourf
ri
endssogo,Iwi
ll
cal
l
you.

Hi
m:ar
eyouchasi
ngme.

Her
:nop,j
ustmaki
ngsur
eyougoandseey
our
f
ri
ends.

Hi
m:f
inet
hen,
Iwi
l
lfet
chy
oul
ater
.

Her
:thanxf
ordr
oppi
ngme.

Hi
m:what
ever
,,
,
,itwasni
ceseei
ngy
oui
mi.

Me:
bye.
Hewal
kedoutandweent
eredt
hehouse
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#SFI
SO.

Aloudbangwokemeup,
Icheckedt
het
ime
anditwaspastt
en.
Damnwhocoul
dbet
hat
,Iwasst
il
lenj
oyi
ngmy
sl
eep.

Iwokeup,
woremyf
lops,
anddr
aggedmyf
eet
tot
hedoor.
Iopenedandi
twasZi
tha.Shel
ookedal
lcl
ean.

"don'
ttel
lmeyouwer
est
il
lsl
eepi
ng"shesay
s
wit
houtsayi
nghel
l
o

Me:
ohkIwasn'
t.

Her
:li
ar,
you'
vej
ustwokeup,
it'
scl
ear
lyv
isi
ble.

Me:
yousai
dnott
otel
lyouIwasSt
il
lsl
eepi
ng.
Her:f
isoMar
a,i
tspastt
en,
Itol
dyouIwas
gonnabeher
eearl
y.

"whyareyouhereagai
n"Iwal
kedawayf
rom
thedoorandshefol
l
owedbehi
ndme.

Her
:real
l
y,ar
eyouf
orr
eal
rightnow.

Shegav
emeadeat
hst
are.

"i
sther
esomet
hingIam f
orget
ti
ng"Iasked

Her
:it
sFr
iday,
r emember
,wear
esupposedto
gohometoday.Yousai
dwewil
lleav
eearl
y.

"owh"Ibr
ushedmyhead,
Ihadcompl
etel
y
for
got
tenaboutt
hat
.
Her
:don'
ttel
lmey
ouf
orgot
.

Me:Idi
dn'
t,
sochi
ll
.Letmegoat akeaqui
ck
shower
.Youcanmakebreakf
astsofar
.

Her
:youaresuchabor
eyouknow.Idon'
tknow
whyIevenbot
her.
Youdon'twannagohome, Ihavetopushyout
o
goseemom, she'
syourmother,
andsheisina
badspaceri
ghtnow, sheneedsus.

Me:
am gonnagetr
eadyohkgeez.

Iwal
kedawaybefor
esheki
l
lsmewi
thher
emoti
onal
blackmai
l.
Igoti
nther
oom,
packedf
ewcl
othesi
nmybag
pack.

Iwentt
otakeaqui
ckshower
.
Totel
lthetr
uthIwasinnomoodtogohome,
theSi
tuat
ionther
eissodi
spl
easi
ngtot
heeye.
*
*
*
*
"Wearetaki
ngmycarri
ght"Isai
dasIwalkedi
n
thel
ounge,Zi
thawasbusybrowsi
ngthr
ough
herphone.

"j
ah,
mycari
sinser
vice"shesai
d.

Me:
letmegr
absomet
hingt
oeatt
henwecan
go.

Her:
Imadeasandwi
chf
ory
ou,
itsi
nthe
micr
owave.

Me:
thanx.

Her:
don'
tthankme,
Iwasj
ustt
ryi
ngt
osav
eus
someti
me.

Me:
comeonZee,
don'
ttel
lmey
ouar
eangr
y.

Her:
am notangr
y,am j
ustsadbecauseIfeel
l
ikeyouar
eabandoni
ngmom j ustl
ikedaddid.
I
tsnotmom'
sfaul
tthatdadl
eft
.youdon'
thav
e
t
oblameher
.
Shei
ssosad,
sheneedsus,
sheneedsy
ou.
Me:Ineversaiditwasherf
aultdadl
eft
,Ij
ust
hat
egoingtherebecauseofthesadvi
bethati
s
al
lovert
hepl ace.
Ihat
etohearMom cr
yher
sel
ftosl
eepev
ery
ni
ght.
Imi
sst
hehappi
nesst
hatwasoncet
her
e.

Her:i
tsourj
obtomakemom happyagai
n.Let
's
showherthatev
eni
fdadi
sgonewear ehere
forher
.
Let'
smakeherfeel l
ovedagainbybeingther
e
forHer.Iknowt
hingswi l
lneverbethesame
againbutweshouldn'
tletdad'ssel
fi
shnessr
uin
ourli
ves.
Ican'tdot
hisal
one,
am al
sohur
ti
ng,am angry
atthatJoy
cewomanf ort
aki
ngDadawayf r
om
us.
shebr
okedown

"owhZee,am sosorry
,sor
ryIlety
ougo
thr
oughall
thi
salone.Sor
ryIchosetheeasy
wayout.
Idi
dn'tknowthatt
hisi
salsodif
fi
cul
tforyou"I
huggedherti
ghtl
yandbrushedherbackasshe
weptsil
entl
y.

#admi
n
[
6/8,
06:
50]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYFORTYFI
VE

#SETH.
Icoul
dn'
ttakei
mioutofmymi
nd,
damnshe
l
ookedsof i
ne.
Sohappyandhadgai
nedsomewei
ght
.
HowIwi
shIcoul
dhavest
ayedabitl
onger
.I
want
edt
ospendmoreti
mewithher.

Butt
henagainhercol
dnesstowar
dsmewas
cl
ear
lyvi
sibl
ethr
oughherfakesmil
e.
Sheut
ter
lybr
ushedmeof
fint
her
e.
Iwonder
edwhyshewasl
i
ket
hat
.

It
houghtofway
sIcoul
duset
ogobackt
her
e.

Isatinthecarf
orawhil
e,t
hemustbeawayI
couldusetospendsometi
mewithher
.
IstartedthecaranddroveoffbecauseIcoul
d
seet hem busypeeki
ngthroughthelounge
window.Iguesst heywerewonder i
ngwhyIwas
sti
llparkedther
e,ImeanIshouldhav edri
ven
awayawhi l
eago.Irever
sedandj oi
nedtheroad.

Butbef
oreicoul
devenreachthenextcor
nerI
tookmyphoneandcall
edSarah.

"
What
'sup"sheanswer
edaf
teral
ongwhi
l
e.

Me:am goi
ngtospur,It
houghty
ouguy
smi
ght
wantsomeribsorsomethi
ng.

Her
:owhl
etmeasknat
hy

"gi
rl
,youwantsomer
ibs,
Set
hsay
she'
sgoi
ng
t
ospur
"shecal
l
edout

"noam fi
ne,It
hinkwehav eenoughgoodi
est
o
l
astusforthewholeday"Icoul
dHearimi
sayi
ngi
nt hebackgr
ound.

Sar
ah:
wecool
.

Me:
alr
ightt
hen

Sar
ah:
whyarey
oubeingni
ceSet
h,si
ncewhen
hav
eyouev
eroff
eredt
obuyri
bsforme.

Me:
comeon,
isitacr
imet
odoany
thi
ngni
ce
f
ormyl
it
tl
esi
ster.

Her
:itdependsont
hemot
ivat
ionoft
hat
goodwi
l
l.Iseewhaty
ouar
edoi
ng.

Me:
whatam Idoi
ng.

Her
:tr
yingtofi
ndawayt ocomebackher
ejust
sot
haty oucanseeher
.

Me:
am notdoi
ngany
thi
ngoft
hatsor
t,

Her:
mmmhi fyousayso.Butknowt
hatI
wasn'
tbor
nyester
day.

Me:
whatdoest
hatmean.

Her
:what
.
Me:
mxm y
ouknowwhatam t
alki
ngabout
.

Her
:Idon'
t

Me:
sur
ethen,
bye.

Idr
oppedt
hecal
landdrov
ear
oundt
ownbef
ore
Iwentt
oseet
heguys.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#Nqobi
l
e

Ilazedaroundwithmywail
i
ngbaby,j
etcame
homear ound18:30pm.Iwasint
hesitt
ing
room wit
hBr i
anonmylap,busyr
ocki
nghim
backandf ort
h.

"mamasi
ta"hepl
acedapeckonmyl
i
pst
hen
ki
ssedBr
ian.
Heplayedabi
twit
hhi
m maki
ngf
unnyf
aces
andsil
l
ysounds.
Br
iansmi
l
edwi
del
yexposi
nghi
sgums.

"wher ehaveYoubeen"Ijusthadtoask
becausehest r
olledi
nhereandpretendsli
ke
therewasnothingwrongwi t
hhimleavingso
Earlyi
nthemor ningandcomingbackt hi
sti
me
withoutanyexplanat
ion.
"Iwasout,Ihadfewthingstosortout
"he
answeredwithoutpayi
nganyattenti
ontome,
hekeptplayi
ngwi t
hBrian'
scheeks.

"takehi
m"Itr
iedhandi
nghi
mthebabybuthe
backedaway
.

"hewi
l
lmessupmywhi
teT-
shi
rt
"hesay
s.

Me: he'
scleanjet
,howcanhepossi bl
ymessup
yourshir
t,youcan'
tevenholdyourkidjust
becauseyouar eafr
aidofget
ti
ngdirty.
Whataboutme, Ihavetochangehi sdirty
diapers,
cleanhi m,feedhim,hellican'teven
sleepatnightbecausehekeepscr y i
ng.And
whenhecr i
esy oujustsnorelouderandpr etend
l
ikey oucan'thearhim.Buty ounev erheardme
compl
ainaboutget
ti
ngdi
rt
y.

Iwasnowshouti
ng,Icoul
dfeel t
ears,r
ight
beneathmyey
eli
ds,IhopedIwoul dhol
dt hem
l
ongenoughnottolett
hem fal
l.Iwassoupset ,
mychestwassuff
ocati
ngIfeltli
keIwasGonna
burst
.
Al
lalongj
etwasstar
ingatme,
hisar
msf
olded
cl
osertohi
schest
.
Hehadani
rr
it
ati
ngsmi
rkonhi
sface

"owhsoam aj okenow,am tal

kingandyouar
e
l
aughing,
didIsaysomet hi
ngfunny"ri
ghtt
hen
tear
sgavein,t
heystreameddownmycheeks.

Iqui
ckl
ywi
pedt
hem away
.
"what'
syourpr
obl
em,
whyar
eyousowor
ked
up"hesai
d.

Me:you,
,
,,
youar
ethepr
obl
em.Am t
ir
edoft
his
shi
t,

Hi
m:whatshi
t,whatdi
dIdo

Me: si
nceyoulef
tinthemorningyoudi
dn'
teven
bothercal
li
ngme, y
oudidn'
tthinki
tsi
mport
ant
thatIknowaboutyourwher
eabouts.
Idoevery
thi
ngi
nthi
shousebuty oudon'
t
appr
eciat
emeenought
or espectme.

"ihadbusinesstotakecareof,
Iwasbusyt
he
wholedayandmyphonei sofft
hat
'swhyI
di
dn'tcal
l.
..
am sorr
yohk,Ididn'
tmeanto
neglecty
ou"hesaid.
Il
ookedathi
mindi
sbel
i
ef,
whywashel
yi
ngt
o
me.
Doesn'therespectmeenought
oact
ual
lyt
ell
methet rut
h.doeshetakemeforaf
ool
.Were
myey esdeceivi
ngme.
WasIwrongtoassumet heworst
.Butt
hen
Agai
nitcan'
tbe,t
hisismyjet
,thi
smanlov
es
me,hewill
neverhurtme.

Il
ookupandmyey
esmetwi
thhi
s.

"yourbusi
nessl
eftalipst
ickonyourT-
shir
t"I
sai
dwi t
hacalmvoice.Ineededtobeboldbut
l
ordknowsIwasscr eaminginsi
de.

Hi
m,:
what
?.
Me:
thel
i
pst
ickont
heneckl
i
neofy
ourT-
shi
rt
.

Hel
ookedathimsel
f.Andwhenhespott
edthe
mat
tel
ipst
ickonhisshi
rthet
ri
edtowipedi
toff
.
Hecl
ear
edhi
sthr
oatandsmi
l
edner
vousl
y.
Hebr
ushedtheti
pofhi
snose,
hisey
eswer
eal
l
ov
ert
helounge.

"uhmm i tmusthavehappenedaf
tert
he
meeting.maybeitgotsmearedbymist
ake
whenmybusi nesspartner
shuggedme"he
stut
tered

Me: owh,si
ncewhendoy ouhav efemale
partner
sinyour"
business".Imeant helastti
me
Iremembery ouwer
eacr i
mi nall
ord,andIknow
al
l y
ourpart
nersorcanIsayy ourthugsfri
ends.
Youownacl
ubandsel
ldr
ugsandi
l
legal
fi
rear
ms.
Sowhendi
dy ourbusi
nessst
art
edhav
ing
femal
epar
tners.

Her
ubbedhispal
mst hensatont
heedgeof
t
hecouch'
sArmrest
.

"well.
..
.Iwanttost artanewbusiness,a
l
egiti
mat ecompany .SoIwantedinvest
orsand
businesspartners.Am tryi
ngt
omakemoney
forusbaby ,
don' tyouwantmoney ,don'
tyou
wantal avi
shlifestyl
e."Hesai
d

ForamomentIst
aredathi
mindi
sbel
i
ef.
Iknewinmygutt
hathej
ustf
abr
icat
edt
hat
stor
y.
I
twasj
ustal
lbul
l
shi
t.
"weal r
eadyarelivi
ngalavi
shlif
estyl
e,what
morecanIwant ,
youhavemi l
l
ionsinyourbank
account,f
ewcar s,wehaveeveryt
hingsowhat
areyoureall
ysay i
ng"Isai
drhythmicall
y
shaki
ngmyf eettr
yingt
ogetthecryingBri
anto
calm Down.

"cany oufeedhi
m al
ready"hesaid,clear
ly
try
ingt oavoi
dourconver
sati
onbuti fhe
thoughthewasgonnagetawayt hateasyt hen
hedidn'tknowmetoowell.Iwasn'
tgonnat ake
thi
sshi tl
ayi
ngdown.

"l
eavethebabyaloneandexpl
ainwhat'
sreal
l
y
goi
ngonhere"Isaidtaki
ngoutmybreastand
Bri
ansuckedonithungri
ly.
Thi
sbabywasgonnasuckmedr
ynol
i
e.
Me:answermedammi
t.WhatBusi
nessar
eyou
t
alki
ngabout
.

Hi
m:l
ookcanwedropthi
sri
ghtnow,Idon'
t
ev
engetwhyy
ouaski
ngmet hi
sshit
.
Am Isupposet
orepor
ttoy
ouev
eryt
imeIgo
outnow.
Ipr
ovideev
er y
thingforyousohowaboutyou
j
ustkeepquiet,enj
oytheluxur
yli
feandl
etme
work.

Me:doesyouworki
ngmeant hatyoumust
comebackcover
edinl
ipst
icks.Doesi
t.
DoIhavetoendur
ethatnonsensej
ustbecause
youpr
ovidef
orme.
Hi
m:youknowwhat,am noti
nanymoodt
o
ar
guewit
hyour
ightnow.
Li
keItoldyou.Iwaswor king,ahugfrom a
busi
nesspartneri
showt heli
pstickl
andedhere
butyouarewelcomedt odr awyourown
concl
usion.Haveyourownopi nionsifyouwant,
aft
erallt
hisisafr
eecount ry,
butwhileatit
pl
easedon'tnagme.Ihopey oucooked
becauseam damnhungr y .

Wi
tht
hatsai
dhewal
kedoutoft
hel
ounge.

"jet
,don'
twal
kawaywhi
l
eam st
il
ltal
ki
ngt
o
you.
Comebackheredammi
t!
!!Jet
hro!"Iy
ell
edl
i
ke
amadperson.

Buthenev
err
esponded,
Icoul
dhearhi
s
f
oot
stepsf
adi
ngdownt
hepassage.
Iguessmyy el
l
ingscaredBri
anbecauseri
ght
thenhest ar
tedwail
ing,It
ri
edtofeedhi
m but
her ef
used.Hecriedsoloudmakingmyhead
Dizzy,Iwasangryandhemademeangr i
er.

"keepquietwouldyou"Ishout
ed.f
rust
rat
ion
tookoverandItookitoutonhim.

"youj
ustl
ikey
ourf ather
,soir
ri
tati
ng,whatt
he
hel
ldoyouwant"Istaredathi
m, Iguess
somehowIwashopi ngforananswer

Buthecr
iedev
enl
ouder
,Idi
dn'
tknowwhatt
o
doanymore
Igotupfr
om thecouchpacedaroundt
he
l
oungerocki
nghim backandfor
th,i
tsl
i
keI
madehim worse.
"pleasebaby,sushnow,
mommyi ssorr
yfor
shoutingaty
ou"Itri
edsweett
alki
nghi
m.
Buthewashav i
ngnoneoft
hat
,hej
ust
cont
inuedcr
ying.

"whatdi
dyoudot
ohi
m"j
etappear
edf
rom t
he
door
.
Idi
dn'
tanswerhi
m,Ij
ustcont
inuedt
ryi
ngt
oget
Bri
ant
ocalm down.

"bri
nghim her
e"her
eachedoutwi
thhi
shands,
Ibackedaway.

"Nqobijustbri
ngthefuckenbabyhere"he
yel
lednow, hi
sjawscri
nged.Hestaredatme
sharpl
y.He'syel
li
ngdefi
nitel
ydi
dn'
thelpwith
Bri
an'ssit
uati
on.
"nowyouwannahol
dhim,It
houghtyousai
dhe
wasgonnamessupyourl
i
psti
ckstai
nedshi
rt"I
sai
d

"youarejustunbel i
evabl
eyouknowt hat,br
ing
thebabybefor eIgetangry,
becauseIpromise
you,youwillnotli
kewhatIwi l
ldotoyou"I
l
ookedathi m andt heser
iousnessinhi
sFace
j
ustshowedt hathemeantbusiness.Iknownot
tomesswi thar uthl
essgangsterl
ikej
etsoI
handedBrianov ertohim wit
houtsayi
ng
anotherword.

"hey,daddy'
spri
nce...
.pl
easedon'
tcry"he
spokemor einAf
rikaansandIcouldn't
underst
andawor dhesai dbutstr
angelyBrian
stoppedcryi
ngal
mosti mmediat
ely,
infacthe
start
edsmili
ng.
"t
hat'
smyboy ,
mommypi nchedyoudi
dn'tshe"
hekeptsay
ingandBr
iankeptgi
ggli
ngeven
l
ouder.

Icl
i
ckedmyt
ongueandwal
kedout
.

"di
shupf
orme"Hecal
l
edout
.

"doityoursel
f"Iy
ell
edt
henwentst
rai
ghtt
o
ourbedroom.
Igoti
nandsl
ammedt
hedoort
henl
ockedi
t.

Igotundr
essedandwentt
othebat
hroom.
Itookalongr el
axingbat
h,i
tfeltsor
efr
eshi
ng,
l
ay i
nginthere,wit
hmyey esclosedl
ett
ingt
he
bathsaltandoilssoothmyskin.
Mymi ndbat
tl
edindenial
,Idi
dn'
twannaadmi
t
thatmay bet
heli
pstickwasmorethana
businesshugmistake.
Ididn'
twannaimaginethatj
etcouldact uall
y
hurtme.Imeanhel ovesme.HeWor shipsthe
groundsIwalkon.Hecannev erhurtthemot her
ofhisson.MaybeIjustoverr
eacted,Ishould
j
ustapologi
zetohimf orthr
owingtantrums.I
actedli
keachil
dandIneededt oapol ogize.
Here'
samanwhol ov
esmesomuchandi s
doingevery
thi
ngf ormetohavealuxur
iousl
if
e
andhowdoIr epayhi
m...
.Bythr
owinghis
generosi
tybackathisface.

Ithi
nkstayi
ngathomewasturni
ngmei
ntoa
pathet
ictr
adit
ional
housewi
fe.
Awomanwhoal way
snag.Ineedt
ochange.I
don'
twannaenduppushi
ngmyhusbandaway.
Besi
desj
eal
ousyi
sav
eryunat
tract
ivet
hing.
If
inal
lygotoutoft
hewat
erbecausei
twas
al
readycol
d.
Iwrappedatowel
aroundmybodyt
hencl
eaned
thebatht
ub.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#I
MINATHI
.
Around6pm Sethcamet ofetchSarah.He
di
dn'tevengeti
nt hehouse.Heparkedbythe
gate,beepedt
wice.IaccompaniedSarahout
.

"Iwi
l
lseey
out
omor
row"weshar
edabr
iefhug

"Sarahcomeonalr
eady,
mom needsushome
before6,
:
30"Set
hcall
edout
.

"Geezhe'
ssuchabummer,Ihadagr
eatday,
wil
lseeyoutomor
rowdear
"webrokethehug
andSethhonkedl
ouder
.

"am comingstopwi
ththebeepsal
ready
, Ican'
t
bel
ieveyouaremybrot
her,y
ousoimpatient
andannoying.
Remindme,
howarewerel
atedagai
n"Sar
ah
sai
dasshegoti
ntot
hecar
.

Sethansweredherbuticoul
dn'
thearwhathe
sai
dotherthanthefactt
hathewouldnotgi
ve
herari
deagain.

Theydroveof
fandIwentbackt
othehouse
andstart
edonthepot
s.
Icookedpapandwor
swi
tht
omat
ogr
avy
.

About7pm mom andcebocamebackand

Cebowouldn'
tst
optal
kingabouthowhugeand
beaut
if
ulmom'sworkplacewas.
Iknewwhatshewast
alki
ngabout
, Ihav
ebeen
ther
etwi
cesoIknewt
hatitwasbreatht
aki
ng.
"Ifaxedt
heIDt
omygoodf ri
endinKZN, he'
s
goodatfi
ndi
ngpeopleandhepr omisedthathe
wasgonnafi
ndy ourmotherwhetherdeador
al
ive"mom sai
d.

Me,,
:thanky
ousomuch,
am r
eal
l
ygr
atef
ulf
or
t
his.
Ij
usthopehef
indsher
.

Mom:
don'
twor
ry,
hewi
l
lfi
ndher

Idishedf
orusandwesatar
oundt
het
abl
eand
ate.
Frankl
ymymi ndwasmil
esaway
,Ifel
tscar
ed,
thefactt
hatwemight
yseemom agai
nscared
me.
#admi
n

[
6/10,
11:
37]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYFORTYSI
X

#I
MINATHI
.

Novemberendedandmom stil
lhadn'
thear
da
t
angibl
eresponsef
rom herf
ri
end.
I
tmeansherf
ri
endcoul
dn'
tfi
ndmyMom.

"wewillbegoi
ngt oKznbytheendoftheweek,
wewillbevi
sit
ingmysister"mom sai
daswe
satar
oundthet abl
ehavi
ngdinner
.
Me:
owhwow

Ifel
tabi
tofexcit
ementatt hethoughtof
seei
ngZi
thaagain,IHaven'
tseenheri nawhil
e.
Butmyexci
tementquicklydiedasthethought
s
ofwhatt
hatplacedidtomeoccupi edmymi nd.
Kzntookever
ythi
ngf r
om me,
ther
e'snot
hing
butmiser
yformet here.
Iwasremindedoft
hehumongoushat
redIhad
fort
hatpl
ace.
Idespi
sedi
tsgr
ounds.
I
tsgr
asssogr
eeny
etf
ull
ofagony
.
It
sstr
eetshadrobbedsomanyi
nnocenty
oung
soul
sthei
rli
ves.

I
thadnot
hingf
orme,
itt
ookandkeptt
aki
ng
fr
om mewi t
houtanyi
ntent
ionofgi
vi
ngback
anyt
hingbuttear
s.

Sofewandverydi
stanthappymemor
ieswhi
l
e
ther
esti
spain

Iswal
l
owedt
hepi
eceofmeatIhadbeen
chewi
ngf
ort
hel
astFi
veminut
es.

Myhear
tpoundedi
nshockasf
earembr
aced
mywholebody.
WhatifIruni ntothatmonst erthere,
whatt hen,
whatifhef i
ndsmeanddeci destocontinue
wit
hhi scruelty.Whatifhehur t
smeagai n,
devourmeagai n.Thev er
ylaststrawoflifeI
hadleftwithinme.Whati fhedeci destobr eak
mef orthev erylastt
ime.
Fr
ankl
yIdon'
tthi
nkIcangot
hrought
hator
deal
andcomeoutal
iveagai
n.Thi
sti
mear oundI
wil
lmakesur
ethatIdri
veakni
feri
ghtthrough
mychest.
Ihav
enopower ,
Ilackconfi
dence,
andIhav
e
l
ostall
theener
gytofight
.
Thefactisam af
raid,
mystepdadisli
kea
bogeymaninmycl oset,
he'
sli
kethemonsteri
n
thedark.Ev
enaftersuchal
ongwhi l
ehesti
ll
havepoweroverme.

"am teachingyoualesson"hi
svoi
cerangin
myear s,i
tsli
keIcouldseehi
m si
tt
ingatt
he
tabl
e,ri
ghtopposit
eme.

"Am teachi
ngy oualesson"t
hatl
i
nerepeat
ed
i
tsel
f.Hisfi
lthybreathedonmyneck,hi
srough
bighandsonmyski n.
May
behedi
dteachmeaLessonaf
teral
l
,he
taughtmehowtobeacoward,
tof
ear
,and
nevertor
eal
lyl
i
ve.Het
houghtmehowpai
nful
l
ifeis.

"babywhat '
swr ong"mom tappedmyar m andI
j
umpedi nshockmyhandhi tonmypl at
eof
foodandi tl
andedont hef
loor,br
okeint
otiny
piecesandthefoodscat t
eredallar
oundthe
kitchen.

"what
'swrongsisi
"cebosaidcl
ear
lysur
pri
sed
bywhathadjusthappened

Ikeptquietandstaredonthebrokenglasses
onthefloor.Theywereevery
wher e.Scat
tered
all
overtheplacejustli
kemylif
e,unrepair
able
j
ustli
kemyhear t
.
"mom what'
swr ongwi t
hher ,
whyisshecryi
ng
"cebosai
d,hervoicewasbr eaki
ng.Theyhad
stoodupf
rom theirchai
rs.

Ibendandpi
ckedt
hegl
asseswi
thmyhands.

"imi pl
easest
op,
youwi
l
lcuty
our
sel
f"Mom
rushedtomeandmovedmeawayfr
om t
he
glasses.

"Cebogetabr
oom andcl
eant
hef
loor
"she
sai
d.

"babywhat
'swrong,
whyar
eyoucr
ying"she
hel
dmebyt hehand.

"hesai
dhewast
eachi
ngmeal
esson"Ibr
oke
downintoAhowl ,
mom dr
ewmeclosertoher
chest
,shetuckedmei
nherwar
m embr ace.
Forawhi
l
esheall
owedmet osobwi
thout
sayi
ngawor
d,shej
ustbr
ushedmyback.

"i
tsokay,
itsal
lgonnabeohk.Youar
esaf
enow,
hewil
lneverfi
ndyou"shesai
d.
Herwor
dssocomf
ort
ing.If
eltsaf
einherar
ms.
"bi
ndzasi
siy
ouar
esaf
e"shecont
inued.

"am scared,Ican'
tgot
oKzn,whati
fhefi
nds
me, whatifhehurt
smeagain"Isai
dwit
ha
brokenvoice.

Mom: hewon'
tdearIpromi
se,
Iwil
lprot
ecty
ou.
Thatbeastwi
l
lnevert
ouchyouagai
n.
Herwordssofi
rm andreassur
ing.Ikeptqui
et
andst
ayedinherembraceuntilIwas
compl
etel
ycalm.
WhenIwasbet
terIbr
oket
hehug.Mom gotme
acupofwat
er.
Idownedi tatonce.ThisishowIwasl i
vi
ngmy
l
ifenow,wi t
hfearandunendi ngepi
sodethat
getstr
iggeredbyev er
ylit
tl
ething.
Iwasl i
keaticki
ngt
imebomb, recov
erywas
real
l
yasl owanddiffi
cultprocess.Iwishedthat
somedayIcoul dbecompl etelynormal.Beable
toenjoyli
feTotheful
lest.
IguessIwassti
l
linthej
our
ney.Ihadn'
t
reachedmydest
inat
ionasyet
.

Ceboclear
edthefl
oormom dishedanother
plat
eoffoodformebecauseIhadjusteaten
fewspoons.
Wesatbackdownandat
e.

"ar
eyouokay
"mom asked.

Inodded,toafr
aidt
ospeak,
thi
nki
ngt
hatmy
voi
cemi ghtbet
rayme.

Weconti
nuedeat
ingmom madesmal
ltal
ks
t
ryi
ngtogetmebacktol
i
fe.

"soi
sNqobi
l
ecomi
ngwi
thus"Ceboasked.

Mom keptquietforawhil
e..
."Idon'
tknow,I
sentheratextmessagetel
li
ngheraboutour
j
ourney,It
oldhershecancomeal ongifshe'
s
i
nterest
ed"shesaidlooki
ngconcerned.
Cebo:Imissher
,Iwi
shIcanseeherbaby
.I
wonderhowbigheisnow.

Mom:
hemustber
eal
l
ybi
g.
Me:Ial
somi ssher,
itf
eelsl
ikeawhilesinceI'v
e
seenher.I
tsli
keshedoesn'
tli
veinnelspruit
anymorebecauseIhaveneverseenherev enat
themall
.

Cebo:
sur
elyshewi
l
lcome.

Mom:
let
'shopeshedoes

Sil
encetookov eragain,
Icoul
dseethatmom
washurting, i
tmustbehar dForhertohavel
ost
heronl
ychi ld.Wemi ghtbearoundbutwecan
neverr
epl aceherchild,wecanneverreal
l
y
cl
osethatv oid.
SomehowIwonder edifmymot herfeel
sthat
badforl
eavingus.Ihopedshethinksaboutus
i
nthemi ddl
eofthenight,
shemustwonder
whereweareorifweev enali
ve.Ihopeshe
doesbecauseialsothi
nkabouther.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#SFI
SO
I
tsbeent
hreeweekssi
nceIhav
ebeenhome,
anditisexactl
yhowIimaginedittobe;
Lonel
y
andsad.Itsful
lofempti
ness.Dadhasn't
steppedhisfooti
nthi
shouseev ersi
ncewegot
here.
Mom sai
dhehasn'tseenhiminfewmont hs.
Hecal
lst
houghjusttocheckifmom hasfood
andmoney.Hesti
llcater
edforourneeds.
Iknewhet ookcareofusfi
nancial
lybuti
twas
notenough.Mom washur t
ing.Shewasnowso
thinandpale,
hercheekbonesareClearl
y
visi
blet
hroughherskin.
Shehar dl
yeatsandcriesher
sel
ftosleep.She
wouldt el
lushowpoisonousJoyceisandhow
shewr eckedourhappyhomeev er
ynightbefor
e
wegot obed.Isometi
meshearhercryingat
night
,thishousehasthinwal
lssoit
shar dnot
tohear.
Justy
est
erdayshewasyel
l
ingont
hephone
shewastal
kingt
odad.
Shewasyel
li
ngaboutt
hefactt
hatDadhasn'
t
cometoseeuseversi
ncewegotback.
Shewasbegginghimtonotl
ethi
snewli
fe
aff
ecthi
srel
ati
onshi
pwithhi
schi
ldr
en.

"Ihavefinallyreal
isedthatIhav elosty oufor
good,Idon' tknowwher eIwentwr ong, Il
oved
youundeni ably,Ir
espectedy ou.Ididev ery
thi
ng
awifecandof orahusband.Idon' tknowhowI
off
endedy oubutpl easeifIwr ongedy ouinany
way,don'tletourkidssuf ferformysi ns.They
needaf atherf i
gureintheirli
ves.
Sfi
soisamannow, Iwon'
tknowhowt oadvi
ce
him.heneedsgui
dancefr
om you."Ihear
dher
say.Iwal
kedawaybecauseIfel
ttear
ssti
ngi
ng
myey es.
Itr
iedt
ostopthem f
rom f
all
i
ng.Am amannow
andmendon'tcry
.Buti
twaspainful.Hear
ing
mom beggi
ngdadt oat
tai
nhisresponsibi
l
ity
.
Itwashardnott ohatethemanwithEver
yfibre
i
nmybody .Tomehewasdead.Ihadnof ather.
Iwasgladt hatIwouldbeworki
ngsoon.Iwill
takecar
eofmyf amily,
bethemanhef ai
ledto
be.WeWi l
l fi
nall
ystopli
vi
ngonhishandouts.
*
*
*
*
*
Isatatt
hev er
andagoingthroughmyphone, I
waschatti
ngwithImi.Shetoldmethatthey
werecomingtovisi
tusbyt heendoftheweek
whichwastwoday sfrom now.
Thosewer
ethegr
eat
estnewsev
er.
Icoul
dn'
twai
ttoseeher
.
Atleastsomethingbet
terwashappeni
ng.Iwas
gonnabewi t
ht hewomanIloved.Thewoman
whomademehappy
.

Ismil
edtomy sel
fthi
nkingabouthercapt
ivat
ing
smil
e.Hercontagi
ouslaugh.Damnshewas
oneinamill
ion.

Ifoundmy selfdaydr eaming.Iwashol dingher

i
nmyar ms.Shewasl ayi
ngonmychest ,
l
isteningt omyhear tbeat,Iwillsel
dom br ushed
herhai randplantedf ewki ssesonherf orehead.
Shewasmi neandIwasher s.Togetherwehad
builtourforever.Wewer einloveandshewas
mywor ld.Anangel thatGodhadchosent o
blessmewi th.Mydi amondi ntherag,now
shiningbr i
ghterthant heskiesbr i
ngi
ngpeace
tomyt roubl
edl i
fe.Howl uckyhav eIbeent o
foundher .

"ehhcomeonf
isoar
eyoudr
eami
ng"Zi
tha
shookmer
oughl
y.

"y
ini
wena"Ij
umped.Shedi
stur
bedmyhappy
moment
s.

Her:whatsupwithyou.Youhavebeensmil
ing
al
onelikearet
ard,whatareyoudaydreami
ng
about.

Me:not
hing,
didy
oureall
yhav
etopushme,
you
ar
eanenemyofprogress.

Her:(
laughs)youhaditbaddon'
tyou,IbetIcan
guesswhaty ouweredreami
ngabout.Or
shoul
dIsaywho. .
..
.

Me:
you'
vest
art
edwi
thy
ourwi
l
dinsi
nuat
ions.I
hav
enoi
deawhaty
ouar
etal
ki
ngabout
.

Her:Iwi
l
lbetyouahundredthatyourdream
hasever
ythi
ngtodowithImi.Shetol
dmet hey
werecomingher
e,am guessi
ngshet ol
dy ou
too.
Hehebaf
o,shehasy
oubyt
hef
ingerdoesn'
t
she.

Me:mxm sucal
'
ukbhedakemanje(y
ouar
e
st
art
ingt
otalknonsensenow)

Her
:don'
tbi
temyheadof
fMrl
overboy
.

Me:
Zithagetawayfr
om her
ebef
oreIst
rangl
e
t
hecrazi
nessoutOfyou.
Her
:whoa.
.chi
l
l,Mom i
scal
l
ingf
ory
ou.

Me:whatisi
tnow,
shehasst
art
edwi
thherdad
t
alksagai
n?

Her
:nop,
thi
sti
mei
tsabouty
ou.Seemsl
i
ke
Nel
l
ycall
edher
.
Shetol
dhersomethi
ngabouty
oubr
eaki
ngup
wit
hher.I
sitt
rue?

(
Inodded.
)

Her:
aibobhut
i,uy
laxazakanj
anii
ngan'
yabant
u
wazikahl
eukut
hiiyazf
elangawe.
(Owhnobr
o,howcanyoujustdumpthepoor
gir
lwhi
l
eyouknowthatshe'
sheadov
erheelsi
n
l
ovewit
hyou)
.
Me:i
slovebyf
orce.Idi
dn'
twannahur
therany
f
urt
her.
YesIoncelovedNell
y,Ist
il
ldobutam noti
n
l
ovewithher.Idi
dn'
twannastri
ngheralongina
l
ovel
essrel
ationshi
pwhileshedeser
vesthe
best
.
Shedeserv
esSomeonewhowillmakeher
Happy.Am nott
hemanforher
,soonshewil
l
real
i
sethat.

Her
:Igety
ou,
theysayyougot
taki
ssf
ewf
rogs
bef
orey
oumeetMrright
.

Me:
owhsoy
ouar
esay
ingIwasNel
l
y'sf
rog.

Her:
ify
ouarenotherMrri
ghtthenyouwere
oneoft
hefewfrogsshehastokissbef
oreshe
meetsherMrri
ght
,whom am hopi
ngwi
l
lbe
bet
tert
hanyou.

Me:suyabhedamanj
e(youar
etal
ki
ng
nonsensenow)sowhoi
sthefr
ogbetweeny
our
twoboyfri
ends.
I
sitThami
theugl
yduckl
i
ngorVusi
the
momma'sboy.
Damnl il
sisy ouhaveter
ri
bletast
ewheni t
comest oguy s.Howdoy oureall
ypickt
hem.
Rememberkhay athecrybaby.Rememberhow
hesatinf rontofourgat
eandcr i
edthewhole
hourjustbecausey ouwerenotansweri
nghis
cal
ls.Het houghtyouwerecheating.

"orThembel
a,thetr
adi
ti
onalone,hetookme
byfor
ceandlockedmeinhisroom andsenthi
s
uncl
estopaylobol
aforme"shelaughed.
Me: anddadchasedthem away
,hedemanded
theybri
ngyoubackatonceorhewasgonna
callt
hepoli
ceforki
dnappi
ng.

Her:y
oushouldhaveseenhowhebeggedme
nott
opresschargeswhenheletmego.He
sai
dheonlytookmebecausehelovedme.

Me:thatguywascrazy.Imeanhewaswhat..
.
38andy ouwereonly17,i
maginet
hehugeage
di
ff
erence.di
dhethinkthi
swassti
llt
he60s
wheregir
lsweresol
dt ool
dermeninmarr
iage.

Her:
hewasjusttr
adit
ional
,Ionlysawhim once,
Idi
dn'tev
enknowhim Iwassoscar ed,
thi
nking
Iwasgonnaberapedbutratherhewaskind
andnice.
Hebr
oughtmef
oodandst
aff
.

Me:hest
il
labduct
edy
ou,
whatki
ndofper
son
doest
hat
.

Her:Iagreehewasi ndeedcr azy

.Thatwhol e
ni
ghtwi thhimf el
tli
kehel l
,Icouldn'tsl
eepbut
henev ertouchedme.I nfacthesl eptonthe
sponge.

Me:t
hat
'swhyIsayy
our
eal
l
yknowhowt
opi
ck
t
hem.
Yohbutt
hami
.
.t
hatni
ggai
sdamnugl
ynol
i
e.

Her:
helooksl
i
kehe'
scryi
ng.Atf
ir
stwhenhe
appr
oachedmeIt
houghthewasrelat
edt
o
Mugabe.
Aishameuyababalowamf ana,
yimbi
za.Idon'
t
evenknowhowhesummonedt hecourageto
tal
ktome.Butatleasthe'
scari
ng.Hedoes
every
thi
ngIwant.
Me:
lol
ail
etmegoanswerf
ormysi
ns.

Iwasaboutt ogetupfrom t
hechai
rwhenacar
parkedatthegate.Fewminutesl
aterThabang
steppedoutofthecar.
Heopenedt
hegat
eanddr
ovei
n.

Ibecamesof ur
ious,thener
veforhi
mt ocome
hereaf
terevery
thingheandhismotherhas
donetous.Iwonder edwhathewasdoingin
ourhouse.

#admi
n
#unedi
ted
[
6/13,
18:
40]Thul
l
y:[
6/13,
17:
26]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

EPI
SODEFORTYSEVEN

#SFI
SO

Isatupmyey
esst
il
lgl
uedont
hegat
e.

"i
sthatThabang"Zi
thasai
d

"bastard,
whatthehelli
shedoinghere"If
elt
angertookover
,Ifur
iousl
ywalkedtowardshi
s
car.
ThemomenthegotoutIgr
abhi
m byhi
svest
.
"youhavet
henervesofcominghereafter
ever
ythi
ngyouandyourhear
tlessmotherdid"I
seet
hed

Iwasr eadyt
othr
owpunchesathi
m whenZi
tha
rushedtous.

"ai
bobhut
imy
ekapl
ease"shegotbet
weenus.

Me:
soy
ouar
epr
otect
ingt
hismonst
er.

Zi
tha:
am not
,am t
ryi
ngtoprot
ectyou.Idon'
t
wantyout
obeamonst erj
ustl
iket
hem.
Somet
imesviol
enceisnottheanswer.Youar
e
notav
iol
entperson,
don'
tlethi
mr ui
ny ou.
Me:Zi
thamoveasi
deandl
etmedeal
wit
hthi
s
sonofabi
tch.
Il
i
ter
all
ymeanthaty
ezwa.Yourmom i
sabi
tch,
ahomewrecker
.

Iwasnowshout
ing.

"heydon'
tinsul
tmymother
,Idi
dn'
tcomeher
e
tofi
ght"hesaidfi
rml
y.

Idi
dn'
tcar
ewhyhewasher
e,ij
ustwanthi
m
out
.IwantHi
mtoleav
eusal
one.

"Fisostop,am notmovingher
e,i
fyouwanna
hi
thimt henber eadyt
ohitusbot
h"Zit
hakept
standi
ngbet weenus.
Iwasfur
ious.Whywassheprot
ecti
ngthis
pi
eceoftrash,
thi
speopl
etookever
ythi
ngfrom
usandtheydeser
vedtobepuni
shed

"Wehzeededamaan, l
etmedealwiththi
s
conni
vi
ngthi
ng"Itri
edtopushheroutofthe
waybutshegrabbedmyhandandhel donit
.

"sfi
sojustbereasonableforonce.Doingthi
s
wil
lnothelpyouinanyway .Inst
eaditwill
make
youabadper son,averyterr
ibl
eperson,mom
wil
lbedisappoint
ediny oubecauseshe
cer
tainl
ydidn'
trai
seabul l
dog"shesai d.

Iguessallt
hecommotiongott
omymom.She
steppedoutoft
hehouse.

"ai
bokwenzakal
ani
la(what
'sgoi
ngonher
e)"
shesai
dassoonasshegott
ous.

Me:thi
str
ait
orst
rol
ledi
nhereli
keit
shishouse
whi
leheknewverywell
thathe'
snotwant
ed
her
e.

"t
hat
'sbecausei
tismyhouse"hesai
d.

"what
!"Mom andZeesai
dsi
mul
taneousl
y

Trulyt
hatStat
emental
socaughtmyear
s,I
thoughtIdi
dn'
thearhi
m cl
ear
ly,
maybemyear
s
weredeceiv
ingme.

"whoadidy oujustsayt
hisisy
ourhouse"I
askedrepeatedl
yli
keabrokenrecor
d,not
gi
vinghim achancet oanswer
.
"whatar
eyousay i
ngThabang,
sfi
soletgoof
hi
m"mom said.Ihadfor
gott
enthatIst
il
lhel
d
hi
m byhi
sclothes.
Irel
easedhim ofmygrasp.Hef
ixedhi
msel
fup
andpickedhisbagpack

"that'
swhyam her
e,Ij
ustwant
edtomake
thi
ngsr i
ght
"hesai
dfol
dingt
hecol
l
arofhi
s
shir
t.

Zee:
whatar
eyouonabout
.

Thabang:
canweatl
eastgot
akeaseat
.

Mom:
yeahl
et'
sgeti
nsi
de.
Wef oll
owedmom insi
dethehouseincompl
ete
si
lence,cl
ear
lysomeofusstuckinthi
s
confusi
ngwebofunendingthought
s.

Wegoti
nthel
oungeandsat
.

"canIgety
ouanywat
er/
jui
cet
odr
ink"mom
asked.

Thabang:
nomah,
am f
ine.

Mom: i
fyousaysot
henIguessy
oucanst
art
t
alki
ng.

Heclearedhist
hroat
..
"Amonthagomom had
aproblem t
hatIwasstay
ingatarent
edplace
si
nceIwaswor kingi
nthi
ssideoftown.It
old
herihadnopr oblem wi thrent
ing.Imeaniear
n
enoughandwhent hetimecomesi wasgonna
buyaplotandbui ldmy sel
fahouse.Butme
tel
l
ingherthatclear l
ywasnotenough.Iguess
shesomehowconv inceddadt obuymea
houseorletmest ayher e.

Mom:
oh.
.ky

Thabang:welldadsaidIcanstayhereforthe
ti
mebeingwhi lehesortouthisi
ssuesbefore
buyingmeahouse.Butt henmom suggest ed
thatheshouldjustsi
gnthishouseovertome.
Makemet heowner .

"what!
"Iy
ell
edi
nshock"t
hisi
sut
terbul
l
shi
t"I
added
Zee:Idon'tbel
iev
et hi
s,am sur
edaddi
dn'
t
agreetothisnonsense.

Thabang:well
act
uall
yheagreedwithout
hesi
tati
on,am al
awyersoheaskedmet odr
aft
thepapersandcl
aimtheownershi
poft he
house.

Hewentthr
oughhi
sbagpackandt
ookout
paper
s.

"herethi
sisthenewti
tl
edeed"hepl
acet
he
papersonthetabl
e.

Mom tookthem andread.Tear

srol
l
eddown
hercheeksassheread.
"mom what
'swr
ong"zeeasked.

"howcanhedoThis,
howcany ourf
atherdo
thi
s.Af
terev
ery
thi
ngthatIhav
edonef orhim.
Istoodbyhim ev
enwhent her
ewasatimehe
becameamonst er.Iwasther
eevenwhenI
couldhavehadeasil
ywalkedout
.

Shepausedthenpassedt
hepaper
stome.And
i
ndeedther
eitwas.
Wri
tt
eninbl
ackink.ThabangNkosi
wast
he
newowneroft
hishouse.
Hehadchangedhi
ssur
name,
hewasnowa
Nkosi
.

Iwastongueti
ed,
Iwantedtoscr eam andshout.
Apieceofmewantedtotearthosepaper si
nto
shr
eds.ButIdi
dnone.Ij
ustfeltover
whelming
di
sappoi
ntmentt
aki
ngov
er.
Iwassodisappointedi
nmydad,Iknewhehad
reducedhi
mselfintoahal
fmanbutIdidn'
t
knowhisself
ishnesswoul
dgothi
sf ar
.
Heleftusandweal l
owedhimtogowithout
givi
ngahust l
e,di
dhehavetot
akeourhome
from us.It
hrewthepaper
sonthet
ableZitha
tookthem.

"omg,it
st r
ue,butwhy,Ithoughtheboughta
houseforyouandy ourmot her
,whytakeour
houseaway .I
shepuni shingusorsomet hi
ng.
Havewewr ongedhimi nAny way.Whyishe
doi
ngthis.Thi
sisnotlikehim."Shesaid

"Idon'
tknowwhywoul ddadagreetothi
s.I
tr
iedtoreasonwit
hhim butheseemedsureof
hi
sdecision"Thabangsai
d.
Me:
owhpl
easedon'
ttal
kli
key
oucar
e.

Mom:
sfi
sopl
ease.

Me:nomom, thi
sisal
lhappeningbecausehe
andhi
smot hercamedownrainingonourli
ves.
All
thi
sisbecauseoft
hem.

Mom:thi
sisy
ourfat
her'
sdoing,
andam gonna
makesur
eheburnsfort
his.

Zee:
soy
ouhav
ecomet
ochaseusout
.

Thabang:No,
Ididn'twri
tethefi
naldraf
t,am not
gonnatakeownershipofthehouse.Iwil
levoke
thehousetoyouwithoutthei
rknowledge.ButI
wil
lhavetostaywi thyouguy sforfewmont hs
sothattheywillthi
nkthei
rplanswor ked.Ihave
boughtaplotalreadyandIhav estart
edbui l
ding.
Iwil
lmov eoutoncet heyaredonewi thmy
house.ButIcan'ttel
lthem aboutmyhouse.my
mom shouldn'tknowabouti t.

Mom:
youhav
eagoodhear
t.Thanky
ouf
ort
his.

Thabang:mom hasdoneal otofdamage.Itol

d
herNottoagreetothemarri
age.Shesaidshe
wasdoingitf
ormebutIt ol
dhimt hatIcoul
d
sti
l
lbeindad'
sl i
fewit
houthermarryi
nghim.
Shewentaheadany waysandmar r
iedhim.
Idon'
tcondonewhatshedidthat
'swhyImov ed
outaft
ertheyboughtt
hehouseinDurban.Am
sorr
yforevery
thi
ng.
Mom: i
tsohk,
thi
sisnotyourfaul
t.Yourmom
anddadareadul
ts.Theyknowwhatt heyar
e
doi
ng.

Thabang:Ij
ustdi
dn'twannagetcaughtupi
n
themiddl
e.Iwantedagoodrelat
ionshi
pwit
h
mysibli
ngs.

Zee:
Ist
il
lcan'
tbel
i
evedadwoul
ddot
hatt
ous.

Thabang:wellheprett
ymuchdoeseveryt
hing
mom says.IfIdi
dn'tknowanybet
terIwould
sayshehashi m underaspel
l
.

Me:
may
behedoes.

Thabang:
itsmymot
herwear
etal
ki
ngabout
her
e.Idon'
tthi
nkshecanst
oodsol
ow.

"Ihopey ourdadishappy.Hepokedasl eepi

ng
snakeandl et'
shopehewi l
lsur
vivethe
poisonousv enom"mom saidbeforeshestood
upandwentupt hestai
rs.

"owhandThabangyouar ewelcomedt
ost
ay
aslongasyouWant"shesaidbefor
e
di
sappear
ingupthestai
rs.

Isatwit
hmymouthdr
y,suddenl
yIfel
tlostand
abandoned.Di
dweof
fenddadinanyway .
Howbadmustwehav
ebeenf
orhi
mtowanna
seeushomel
ess.
Suddenl
yreal
it
yki
ckedin,Ineededtobeaman
now.Am donewit
hmyqual if
icat
ionsoIneedto
getagoodjobandtakecareofmymot herand
si
ster
.
OnceIfi
ndast abl
ejob,Iwillsav
esothatIcan
getahouseformymot herbecauseThabang
mightbenicebutthetr
ut hofthematt
eriswe
hadnoplacetocallourhome.

"Ihavet
ogo, Iwi
l
l moveinnextweek,agai
n
guysIwon'
ttakeyourhomeaway "Thabang
sai
dashegotupf rom t
hecouch.

"l
etmeseey
ouof
f"Zeeal
sost
oodup.

"t
hanxbr
oandam sor
ryf
orear
li
er"Isai
d.

"ahi
tsst
ressl
esswear
efami
l
y"hesai
d
Wef
istbumpedbef
orehewal
kedoutwi
thZi
tha.
If
eltbet
tert
hatIhadmanagedt
oswal
l
owmy
pr
ideandIapol
ogi
zedt
ohi
m
Hesavedusfr
om embarr
assmentandbeing
homel
ess.Hereal
l
ydi
dn'thavet
odot hat
Maybeheisnothi
smother'
ssonaft
erall
.
Isati
nthecouchwi
thcount
lessquest
ionsi
n
mymi nd.
Ireal
l
ydi
dn'
tgetwhymyf
atherwasdoi
ngt
his
tous.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#NQOBI
LE.

Iwokeupt henextmorni
ngdidmydail
yrouti
ne
whichisfeedi
ngBri
anthenbathi
nghi
m.Af t
er
thatIcl
eanedthehouseandmakebreakf
ast.
Atl
eastt
odayj
etwasaround.Hewasinthe
l
oungewit
hBri
anonhischest.Theywer
ebusy
pl
ayi
ngwhichwasf
un.
Ihadtakenafewpi
ctur
esearli
erjustt
o
embracethi
spri
cel
essmoment .Ipostedon
Facebookal
mostimmediat
elywiththecapt
ion
"somemoment
sdeser
vest
obecapt
ured"

Ihadsomanyl
i
keswi
thi
nfewmi
nut
es.

Iwasst
il
lmaki
ngbr
eakf
asti
ntheki
tchenwhen
t
hedoor
bel
lrang.

"babepl
easegett
hat
"Ical
l
edout
.

"am oni t
"jetr
esponded,Iconti
nuedwit
hwhatI
wasdoi ngbecauseIthoughtitwasoneofhi
s
fr
iends.Theyaretheonlyoneswhocomes
aroundinanyway .

Ipouredtheboil
ingwat
eri
nthecupsandmade
tea.
..
..
.IswearIhear
daWoman'svoi
ceint
he
l
ounge.
Iputthepeanutbut
tersandwichesand
crumbledeggsonourplates.Placedi
tinat
ray
andtookittothel
ounge
*
*
Ial
mostdr
oppedt
hetraywhenmyeyeslanded
onmymotherwhowasonthetwosit
tercouch
wit
hBri
anonherl
aps.Shewasbusypl
aying
wit
hhi
m andmyboywasgiggli
ngnonstop.

"uhm mom"Ipl
acedthetr
ayont
het
abl
e"what
arey
oudoingher
e"Isai
d.

Her:sawbonaNqobi
le,
havewebecamesuch
st
rangersthaty
oucan'
tev
engreetme

Ir
oll
edmyey
es.

"himom,whatareyoudoingher
e,Idi
dn'
tknow
youknewwhereIli
ved"Isai
d.

Shekeptqui
etandst
aredatmef
orawhi
l
e."
youmustgetcal polforhi
m, i
twil
lhelpwi
thhis
t
eethingprobl
em, he'stemperat
ureishi
gh.The
medicati
onwillhelp"shesai
d.

Me:
owh,
thanx.

Her:he'
sal
lgrown.I
tfeel
slikei
twasjust
yest
erdaywhenIhel
dhistinybodyonmyarms.
Khuy
iyewenaneh,
angi
tsi
wenasamkekagogo.

Iwantedtosaywedon'
tcall
him wi
ththatname
butquickl
ydeci
dedTokeepmymout hshut.

It
ookaseatandandj
ett
ookhi
sbr
eakf
ast
.
Isi
ponmyt ea.Iwasn'
taboutt
oof f
erher
anyt
hing.Imeanwhodoesshet hinkshei
s.
Cominghereunannouncedandt el
li
ngmehow
tohandl
emyson.Iwasn'
taboutt
oletherwal
k
all
overme.Thi
swasmyhouse.

"y
oushouldcomevisi
tgogo,angi
tsi
boy
,you
mustv
isi
tgranny
"shesaid.

Igav
eheradeathst
are.Shemustbecr azyi
f
shethi
nksIwi
l
lsetmyf ooti
nthathouseagai
n.

"Ihav
eboughtfewstuf
fsforhi
m, mkhweny
ana
youwil
lunl
oaditwhenyouaredoneeati
ng"
shedi
rect
edthattoj
et.

Jet
:nopr
obl
em.

Ifel
tmyearsgett
inghot
,doesshet
hinkwe
needherhandout
s.
"uhm mom whyar
eyouher
e"Iwasl
oosi
ngmy
pati
ence.

Her:yoh.
..
.wel
lam Inotal
l
owedt
ovi
sitmy
daughter
.

Me:v
isi
tyourdaught
er,
,
,,mom pl
ease(Ir
oll
ed
myeyesagai
n)

Her:any
wayIcamet oaskifyouwil
lbegoi
ng
wit
hust omorrowbecauseIsentyoua
messagey oudidn'
trespond,
Ical
ledandyou
ar
enott aki
ngmycal ls.

"she'
snotGoing"j
etanswer
edbef
oreIcoul
d
sayanyt
hing.
Mom:
whynot
,

Jet
:wit
hduerespectshe'
smywi
fe,
Ipai
d
dowryf
orher
.
Whywouldshebeatt
endi
ngfamil
ygat
heri
ngs
whil
eshehasherownfami
lytot
akecar
eof
now.

Mom: haubei
ngmarr
ieddoesn'
tmeanshecan'
t
seeherfami
lyany
more.

Jet:
forf
ucksakeshe'snotgoi
nganywher
e,
she'
smypr oper
tynowshebelongst
omeandI
saywhathappenstoher.

Jety
ell
edhi
tt
inghar
deront
hecouch.
Mom:heee.
..
..Mf
an'
wam youhavenor
espect
.
Youar
esorudeandhotheaded.
Youthinkyouownthewor l
d.Iwi
l
lnotl
ety
ou
contr
ol mydaught
er.
..
.ov
ermydeadbodyI
wil
l.
..

"mom am notgoi ng,I

'veseizedbei
ngy our
daughterthemomenty oubr
oughtthosestreet
s
kidsi
ntoourhome.Nowcont i
nuepl
ay i
nghappy
famil
ywi t
hy our'
kids'
andleavemeal one"Isai
d.

"Nqobiledon'
tdot hi
s,don'
tpushmeoutof
yourli
febecauseyoumi ghtneedmesomeday,
Iam yourmother.Icanneverleady
ouast
ray
.
I.
..
."

"mom pl
easel
eav
e,It
hinky
ouShoul
dleav
e"I
cuti
nbef
oreshecoul
dfi
nishhersent
ence.

"what!
"Shewasclear
lysur
pri
sed"youare
aski
ngmet ol
eav
ey ourhouse"sheadded.

Me: yesmom leaveanddon' tevercomeback

here,owhandy oucant akewhat ev
ery ou
broughtforBri
anwithyou.Wedon' tneedyour
handouts.Takeitt
oy ourstreet
skidssur el
y
theywill
needthosewhent heygetpregnant..
..

ItookBri
anf
rom her
.Shest
oodupandt
ookher
handbag.

"onedayy ouwi
ll
swal l
owy ourpri
deandknow
thatam y
ourmother,onedayy ouwil
lneedme
butIwon'tbet
here,
itwill
beal it
tl
etoolat
efor
regret
s.
Iknowmarr
iageandi
tsnochi
ld'
spl
ay.I
twi
ll
breaky
ouandyouwil
lhavenoonet
oleanon.
Amot herknowsbest .Onedayy ouwi l
lcry
.You
willwishIwast herebutIwon'tbe.Mar kmy
wor ds,Nqobil
emf twanami i
salakutjel
wa
sibonangomopho"shesai dthatwi t
htearsin
herey es.Sheexit
edandIj ustplacedBrianon
thef l
oorandcont i
nuedeating.

#ADMI
N
[
6/17,
12:
00]Thul
l
y:

BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

EPI
SODEFORTYEI
GHT

#NQOBI
LE.
Ihear
dmymom'
scardr
ivi
ngout
.

"thatwomanshouldnev
ercometothi
shouse
again"j
etsai
dwithaseri
ousf
ace.

Me:
shewon'
t

Itookthedi
shestothekitchen.Itookadeep
breat
heasIstoodnearthesi nk.Somethi
ngin
meur gedmetogoout si
de.Iwal kedoutusi
ng
thekit
chendoor.Iwenttocheckt hedri
veway
andtherewasbabystuffont hegrass.
Itwasawal
ki
ngwheel
,apr
am,
clot
hesand
manymorest
uff
.

"mxm It
houghtIt
oldherIdi
dn'
tneedher
handout
s"Isai
doutl
oud.

If
uri
ousl
ywal
kedbackt
othehouse.

Me:
thatwomanl
i
ket
oshowof
f.

Jet
:what
'
sup.

Me:
shel
eftbabyst
uffont
hedr
iveway
.

Jet
:sowhatar
eyougoi
ngt
odowi
thi
t.

Me:whyarey ouevenaski
ng.Am goi
ngtobur
n
i
t.Wedon'tneedherstuf
f.Wecanaffor
d
anyt
hingwewant .
Jet
:k,
bur
nthem att
heback,
her
e'st
hel
i
ght
er.

It
ookt
hel
i
ght
erf
rom hi
m.

"yat
ikubeshewasher etogi
vememyt wo
hundredgrandinher
it
ancemoneyitwoul
dhave
beenbetter"Isai
dstandi
ngbythedoorwit
h
thel
ighter.

"ahjustl
etherkeept
hemoneywedon'
tneed
i
t"Jetanswered

Me:
buti
tsst
il
lmymoney

Him:i
tjust200000gr
and,it
sactual
l
yachange
comparedtomybankbalance.
Wear
efi
newedon'
tneedherhandout
s.
Me: Ij
ustt
houghtthatIshoul
dgett
hemoney
andopenasmal lbouti
queorsomethi
ngam
ti
redofsit
ti
nginthehouse,doi
ngnothi
ng.

Hi
m: It
oldyouthatyoudon'
tneedt
owork,
I
won'
tall
owmyqueent owor
kadayinherl
if
e
whi
leam st
ill
around.
Ther
e'sonl
yonej
obIwanty
out
odo.

Me:
whi
chi
s.

Him:beawife,
takecareofmysonanddot
he
housechor
esthat'
sall
.

Me:butam t
ired,soonBrianwi
ll
beol denough
andhewil
lstartcreche.Whatwi
llIdothen.
Hi
m:bythenyouwi
l
lhav
eal
i
ttl
epr
incesst
o
t
akecar
eof.

Me:what
,Idon'
twantanot
herbaby
.Atl
eastnot
now.

Hi
m:heyy
ouaremywife,
itsy
ourdut
ytobear
measmanychi
l
drenasIwant

Me:t
hisisnotthesixti
esj
et,am notababy
maki
ngmachi ne.Ineedtohavealifeofmy
ownalso.

Him:am notgonnafightwit
hy ouaboutthi
s.I
wantmorekids,assoonasBr iantur
nstwo,I
wil
lmakey oupregnantthat
'snotopenfor
debat
e.
Iwant edtosaysomet hi
ngbutIkeptquiet.I
reall
yhateitwhenheget sal
lcontr
oll
ing.Ijust
exit
edt hedoor.Ihadmyownpl ansinmi ndI
wasgonnal ookforaj
obassoonasBr ian
start
edcr eche.Idi
dn'
tsi
gnupt obehist r
ophy
wife.Asimpl ehousewif
ethatdochor esand
bearschildren.
Itookal
lthest
ufftot
heback,
putt
hem
toget
herandli
titonf
ir
e.
Istoodandwat chedaseveryt
hingburnedaway.
Everyt
hingshrunkandmel t
edintofl
ames.Aft
er
everyt
hingwascompl et
elyburntIwentbackt
o
thehouse.Bri
anwaspl ayi
ngont hefl
oorand
Jetwasnol ongerint
helounge.

Hecameoutofourr
oom smel
l
ingf
reshand
l
ooki
ngdope.
"goi
ngsomewher
e"Iasked.

Him: am goi
ngout
,ther
e'ssomet
hingIneedt
o
sortout.

Me:
whi
chi
s.

Hi
m: noneofy
ourbusi
ness,
Iwi
l
lbebacksoon.
Begood.

Heki
ssedmyfor
eheadt
henki
ssedBr
ianbef
ore
wal
ki
ngout.

Ihear
dhiscarr
oaring,
Itookadeepbr
eat
he
andwenttoourroom.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

#SETH.

Ihadforgott
enhowboringhomecanbe.I
spendallmydayslazi
ngar ound.Idogoseemy
fr
iendsfrom t
imetoti
me.ItwasaSat urdaymy
parent
swer enotar
ound,theyleftt
heprevi
ous
day.
Sarahwentoutwi thmymom' scar .Iwasinthe
l
oungesur fi
ngthroughthechannelswhenI
heardSarahdri
vingin.Shewalkedi nfol
lowed
bypreciousandAy anda,f
orami nutethereI
washappybecauseIt houghti
mi waswi th
them butshewasnot .

"hi
Set
h"t
heybot
hgr
eet
ed.

Me:
hil
adi
es.

Theysat,
ayasatonthesi
nglecouchand
preci
oussatbesi
demeont hetwosit
tercouch.

"Ihopeyoudi
dn'
tl
eav
ethet
ankempt
y"Isai
d
toSarah.
Her:
Ididn'
t,
dudeyouhav
eyourowncar
.Ist
il
l
don'
tgetwhyyouwannausemom'scar
.

Me:becauseIdon'
thav
emoneyf
orpet
rol
.
Any
waywher e'
simi.

Sar
ah:
KZN.

ME:
what
?Whendi
dshel
eav
e

Sar
ah:
yest
erday

Me:owh,whenwi
l
lshebeback,
issheev
en
comingback.

Sar
ah:
Idon'
tknow.
Me:howcoul
dy ounotknow,she'
syourf
ri
end.
Youshoul
dhaveaskedher.

Sarah:herbeingmyfri
enddoesn'
tmeanIknow
everyt
hingthatgoesoninhermind.

Me:
mxm y
ouar
eabadf
ri
end.

Sarah:owhsojustbecauseIdon'
tknowwhen
orifyourcr
ushwill
bebackam nowabad
fr
iend

Me:
youshoul
dcal
landaskher

Sarah:
Set hpl
easeyouhaveaphonewhydon'
t
youcallandaskheryour
sel
f.
Me:
youknowIdon'
thav
ehernewnumber

Sar
ah:youhav
eheronFacebook.I
nboxheror
somet
hing.

Me:
whydon'
tyouj
ustgi
vemehernumber
.

Sarah:l
i
keItoldyoubefor
e,sheaskedmenot
togiveyouhercont
actsandIgavehermyword
thatIwoul
dn't
.

Me:Sarahpl
ease,
Iwon'
ttel
lhert
hatIgott
hem
f
rom you.

"owhpl
ease"sher
oll
edherey
esandwal
ked
out
.
"Sarahplease"Ical
l
edoutbutshenev
er
answered.

Shecamebackf ewmi
nut
eslat
erwit
habot
tl
e
ofJackDani
elsandat
wolit
reofspr
it
e.

"damngi
rlIdi
dn'
tbel
i
evey
ou"herf
ri
ends
scr
eamed

Her:It
oldy ouIgotuscover
ed.Wearedone
anddust edwit
hhighschoolweneedto
cel
ebrate.

"y
esgi
rl"ay
asai
dtheyal
lhi
ghf
ived.

Me:
canIal
soj
oini
n.
Sarah:onl
ybecauseIseethaty
ouar
ebor
edbut
thenextroundi
sony ou.

Me:
nost
ress.

Sarahbroughtpapergl
assesandwest
art
ed
dri
nking.

Wedr
unkl
i
ket
her
ewasnoTomor
row.

Preci
ous:t
hist
hingi
stoohot
,weneedci
der
sto
cooldown.

Sar
ah:
myt
houghtexact
ly.
IgaveSar
ahR300,ay
agaveherR100and
preci
ousgav
eherR150.

Me:buytheci
dersandmeat,br
aai
meatand
wor
swi t
hroll
sandchakal
aka.

Igav
eherandext
raR200.
00.

Sar
ah:
Ican'
tgoal
one.

Ay
a:am comi
ngwi
thy
ou.

Pr
esh:Ican'tj
oiny
ouguy
smykneesar
e
wobbl
yalready.

Sar
ah:
whatci
der
sdoIbuy
.
Me:justgetany
thi
ngdr
inkabl
ebutnott
oo
sweet.

Theyl
eft
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Iwaslef
twi t
hpreci
ouswhoj
ustgul
peddown
herhal
fglass.
Herf
acef
rowned.
"i
tsbi
tt
er"Iasked.

Her
:it
shot
,souhm i
mi,
your
eal
l
yli
keherneh.

Me:
Ilov
ethatgi
rl
,she'
smyf
utur
ewi
fe.

Her:buty
ouknowshe'
snotgonnadat
eany
time
soon.

Me:
Iwi
l
lwai
tforher
.

Her
:theni
t'
sreal
l
ygonnabeal
ongwai
t.

Shegotcl
osert
ome.
"whatdoyouseeinherany
way
s"shesai
d,
moreli
keawhisper
.

Me:ev
eryt
hingt
hatIwanti
nagirl
.She'
sfunny,
cut
ehasagoodheartandIl
ikehowshecarri
es
her
sel
f.

"damni Needanot
herdri
nk"shestoodup
att
emptingtot
akethebott
leonthetabl
ebut
shefel
lonme.

Shewasdr unk,
Ialsowasabi
tti
psy
.Thi
s
whiskeywashell
astrong.
.

"
Oopsy
,am sor
ry"shef
umbl
ed

Me:
damny
ouar
esl
oshed
Her
:am nott
hatdr
unk.

Shebur
pedl
ouder
,andherey
esmetmi
ne

"geezy ouar esohandsome"shesai d"can

youbel i
evethatyouwer emyf i
rstcr ush,
Imean
Igottohi ghschoolandy ouweret hehottest
guyar ound,ever
ygirlwantedtobewi thyou.I
oncebumpedi ntoyouonpur pose, Iwasdoing
myni nethgradeandy ouwer einthet ent
h
grade.
Iwasint heEnglishclass,Isawy oucoming
downt hehall
wayIwai t
edunt i
l y
ouwer ecl
oser
thenIsprangoutbumpi ngintoy ou,mybooks
scatt
eredont hef l
oor,youapologi zedand
askedifIwasohk, youpickedmybooksand
gavethem tomewi t
hasmi le,damnIwasso
happythatyout alkedtome"shebl abbed.
"Irememberthatday,youcameoutofMr
Spencer'
scl
ass,youhadglassesonbackthen"
Isaidasmymi ndracedbackTothatday
.

Her:
yeahIhaveprobl
emswithmyey es,butI
hadtogetri
dofthegl
assesbecausetheymade
melookli
keageek,Iputonl
ancesinstead.

Me:y
eahIwaswonder
ingwhyy
ourey
eswer
ea
bi
tbl
uei
sh.

Her:contactlances,wel laft
erthatdayyou
nevernoticedme, t
woy ear
spassedandI mi
camei nt
oourschool andshegoty ourattent
ion
al
mosti mmedi at
ely,Iwasj eal
ousnol i
e.I
wantedyouandy ounev erpaidanyattent
ionto
meandshedi dn'
twanty ouyetyougav eherall
t
heat
tent
ion.
Iwassobr
oken,
Iwasi
nlov
ewi
thy
ou.

Hereyesresteddeepl
yint
omine,shegotcl
oser
,
wewer eonlyaninchapar
t.Apar
tofme
wantedtobackedawaybutthealcohol
inme
wantedthi
s.
Fi
nal
l
yourl
i
pscol
l
ided,
theki
ssgotsoi
ntense.
*
*
*
*
*
Wewer ebothbreathi
ngheavil
y,Icouldtast
e
thebi
tt
ersweett ast
eofthemi xedwhiskeyin
hermouth,am sureshedidtooinmi ne.Myleft
handheldherf
irm breast
,Isqueezeditgentl
e.
Icoul
dfeelaveryhar
dboner,Iwasal
ready
tur
nedon.sherubbedmydickwit
hherright
hand.

Wecont i
nuedkissingPassionatel
y,Imov ed
from hermout htoherneck, Ismell
edt hescent
ofhercheapper f
ume,itmademechokef ora
mi nutebutIswallowedhardandcont inued,I
couldn'tstopnow.Iwashar dandIneededa
release,Ican'
tremembert helastti
meIhadsex.
Isuckedonherneck,herski
nwasabitsalty
.I
plant
edf ewki
ssesonthebackofherneckand
sheletoutasli
ghtmoan.Isqueezedt
ight
lyon
herbreast.

Itookof
fhercroptop,shewasl
eftwit
ha
purpl
ebrawhichexposedhercl
eavageni
cel
y.
"damn"Iwhi
sper
edl
i
cki
ngmyl
i
ps,
shesur
edi
d
haveani
cebody.

Iunhookedherbraandherboobswerel
eft
exposed,Isuckedont
hem l
ikemyli
fe
dependedoni t
.

Isl
ippedmyrighthandinsi
deherjeanand
panti
esunti
lIreachedherhoney
potwhichwas
dri
ppingwet.
Isl
i
dmyi ndexfi
ngerr
ighti
nwhi
l
est
il
lsucki
ng
onherbr
east.

"ahhh"shemoanedabi
tlouder
.

Ir
ubbedhercl
i
tor
isandagut
terofj
uicef
il
led
myhand,
shewaswet
.

Istopped,shewentdownandt ookof
fmy
Trouserandboxers,shestart
edsucki
ngonmy
dickli
keitwasaloll
i
pop, damnshewasso
goodatt hi
s.Shewasablet otakemealli
nand
Ibreathedheavi
l
yashert onguedidwonderst
o
thetipofmydick.

Iwaslosti
nParadise,Iknowthi
si swrongbutI
can'
tstopi
t,i
tfeel
slikeheaven,shewasgood.I
wonderedwhyIdidn'tgethert
hef i
rstt
ime.

"y
ousoogood"myv
oicewassohoar
se.

Her
:youl
i
kei
tdon'
tya.
InoddedasshedidhermagicIcoul
dfeel
myselfbui
l
dingupsoIstoppedher.

Ili
ft
edherupandwekissedal
lthewaytomy
room,st
umbli
ngonthetabl
esandchair
s.

Wef i
nall
yreachedmyroom Il
ayheronthebed,
wenttothedrawerandtookoutacondom,I
r
ippeditopenandsli
ditin.

Isuckedonherbreastfewmoreti
mebef or
eI
sl
idmydi cki
n,hercanalwassowarm and
sl
ippery
.Iwentinandoutasshescreamedin
exci
tement.

"
Owh,
owhy
es,
deeper
"shesay
s.
Anddeeperiwent.Morer
oughasIuppedt
he
pacet
hri
vingtofi
nishbef
oreSar
ahandaya
comeback.

Itur
nedherover,shebendexposi
ngherass,
I
Conti
nuedgri
ndingandpoundingherf
rom
behi
nd,herpussynicel
yexposedIwasablet
o
goalli
n.

"y
eah.Owhy
es,
Ilov
eyou"shescr
eamed,

Isl
appedherbeauti
fulr
oundassafewti
mes.I
uppedthepaceasshemoanedlouder
,pl
easur
e
bui
ldupandfasterIwent.
Fewmorest
rokesandIr
eleasedt
hencol
l
apsed
ont
opofher
.
*
*
*
*
*

"y
esesy
ouar
esuchat
iger
"shesai
d.

Me:andy
ouar
esohot
,damny
ourpussyi
s
good

Igotupandtookoutthemydickforami
nut
eI
fr
oze,myheartpoundedoutl
oud.OwhmyGod

"dammi
t"Ibl
urt
edt
hatout

Her
:what
'swr
ong

Shesatupandst
aredatmet
hendownt
omy
di
ck.

"y
oht
hecondom bust
ed"sheexcl
aimed.

Me:
shi
t.
..
shi
t

It
ookoutt
het
orncondom.

Her
:howdi
dyounotf
eel
it.

Me:
Idon'
tknowIguessIwascaughti
nthe
moment
.Whatify
oufall
pregnant
.

Sheshr
uggedhershoul
der
s.

"y
oushoul
dgett
hemor
ningaf
terpi
l
l"Ihanded
herahundr
edr
andnot
e.

Shet
ooki
t.

It
hrewhert
het
owel
andshewi
pedher
sel
f.

"theshoweri
sonyourr
ighti
fyouwanna
fr
eshenup"Isai
d

Her
:am f
ine.

Me,:pl
easegett
hepi
l
lASAPIdon'
twantt
o
hav
eachi l
d.

Her:youdon'
twannahav
eachi
l
dwi
thme
becauseam notI
miri
ght
.
Me:
what
?no,
,
,,am notr
eadyt
obeaf
athery
et.

Her
:whati
fthi
shappenedwi
thi
mi,
woul
dyou
hav
easkedhertogett
hepi
ll
.

Ikeptqui
et,
trut
hisi
fitwasi
mimyhear
twoul
d
bejumpingi
nexcit
ement.

"Ithoughtasmuch,mxm Ishoul
dhaveknown,
howcoul dI'
vebeensost
upidtot
hinkt
hatyou
couldloveme.
HowcouldIal
l
owmy
sel
ftobeusedf
orsex"
shesai
d.

Me:
itsnotl
i
ket
hat
.Iwas.
..
.
Her
:savei
t,Igeti
t,wehadsexandi
tmeans
not
hing

Shef
uri
ousl
ylef
tmyr
oom.

Isi
ghedandt
hrewmy
sel
font
hebed.

"goshwhathaveIdone"Isai dwi
thwithbot
h
handsonmyf ace.Iprayedshebuysthe
morni
ngafterpi
ll
.Ireall
ydidn'
twannahavea
babywit
hher.

Ist
oodupwenttotakeav
eryqui
ckshowerand
woremycl
othes.

Iwentbackt
ot heloungeanditwascl
ean,
preci
ouswasfull
yclothedandhadaful
l
whi
skeygl
assi
nherhand.Shewaswat
chi
ng
t
heTV.

Shegavemeadeat
hst
aret
hencont
inued
watchi
ngt
heTv.

Me:pl
easefor
giv
eme,whathappenedwasa
Mi
stakeandnoonecanknowabout.

Her
:asifIwasgonnabl
abbedt
hatIwasused
f
orsex

Shespokecol
dly
.

Ij
ustsatandwewai
tedf
orSar
ahanday
a.

#admi
n
[
6/17,
14:
57]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYFORTYNI
NE

#I
MINATHI

Iwokeupt
henextmorni
ngf
eel
i
ngabi
tli
ght
er
thant
hepr
evi
ousday.
I
tsbeentwodayssi
ncewe'
vebeenhere.
Not
hingi
sasIrememberedaxceptf
orthe
Di
ggerswhosti
l
lli
vedi
nourhouse.
Ahouset
hatl
ookedcompl
etel
ydi
ff
erentf
rom
t
heonewegrewupin.
Theyhavechangedit
,acomplet
emakeov er,
theyhav
eaddedf ewroomsandrepai
ntediti
na
peachcolor
.
"whatar
eyouthi
nki
ngabout"Zeesai
d.Iwas
shar
ingabedwit
hher.Andcebowassl
eepi
ng
wit
hmom.

Me:heyyouup...
..
uhm Iwasj
ustt
hinki
ngabout
howdif
ferentt
hisplacei
snow.

Her
:it
snott
hatdi
ff
erent
.

Me: i
tiswaydi
ff
erent,
therearecr
ooksi
nevery
corner
,mostofthenei
ghborsarenew,most
houseshasbeenrenovated.

Her
:yeahIguesst
her
ear
efewchanges.

Sheswal
l
owedhar
d.
"not
hingi
sthesameany
mor
e"sheadded.

Me:
am sor
ryabouty
ourdad.

Her:
Itsohk,
canwenott
alkabouthi
mify
ou
don'
tmind.
Thement
ionofhi
m makesmyst
omacht
urn.

Me:ohky
,Iunder
stand.Buti
fyouneedt
otal
k
j
ustknowthatam her
eforyouohk

Her
:ohky
.sowhatar
ewegonnadot
oday
.

Icoul
dseet
hatshewaschangi
ngt
het
opi
c.
Me:
Idon'
tknow,
wecanj
ustchi
l
lout
side

Her
:Iwasthi
nki
ngthatmaybewecoul
dgoout
,
t
othepar
kormay bethemall
.

Me:
let
'sgot
othepar
k.

Her
:youst
il
ll
ovet
hepar
k.

Me:Imi ssedi
t,Idon'tevenrememberhowi t
l
ookslikeanymor e.Actual
lyit
stheonl
ythingI
missedaboutthisplace.Iloveit
squi
etness.

Her:Iknowr
ight
,it
sagoodpl
acet
orel
ease
st
ress.

Wewer
est
il
ltal
ki
ngwhenhermom cal
l
edher
.
Shegotoutoft
hebed,
wor
ehergownand
exi
tedt
heroom.

Iwasweari
ngavestandshor
t,Iwor
emysi
l
ky
ropeandmadet
hebed.
Iworemysli
ppersandexi
tedt
her
oom.The
housewasquiet
.
Iwentdownst
air
stotheki
tchen.Thabangwas
al
readyi
nther
emakingtea.

"mor
ning"Isai
dtaki
ngacup.

Hi
m:goodmor
ning.
Hef
lashedasmi
l
e
"y
ouar
eupear
ly"headded
Me:
Idon'
tsl
eeppastsev
en.
Hi
m:ev
enwheny
ouar
enotgoi
ngany
wher
e

Me:yes,
Iguessmybodyi
susedt
owaki
ngup
ear
ly.

Hi
m:Isee,
sohowdi
dyousl
eep.

Me:
bet
terandy
ou.

Hi
m:Isl
eptf
ine.

Ther
ewasanawkwar
dsi
l
ence,
Ipour
edmy
sel
f
acupoft
ea.
.
Ireal
lyWant edtoaskaboutthegi
rlhebrought
homel astnight
.Ican'
tbeli
eveherodherall
night
.Hellthatl
adycanscream,Iwaslist
ening
tohermoansunt i
lIpl
uggedinheadphones,
t
hat
'swhenIf
inal
l
ygotsomepeaceofmi
nd.
Idi
dn'taskZi
thaaboutitbecauseshewasfast
asl
eeplastni
ght.Am sureshedidn'
thear
anyt
hing.
"y
oul
ookbeaut
if
ul"hebl
urt
edt
hatout
.

Me:
owht
hanky
ou.Soy
ouar
ewor
kingt
oday
.

Hi
m: yes,
ther
e'sacaseam wor
kingon,i
tki
nda
di
ff
icul
tandam tr
yingmybestt
owi nthej
ury
.

Me:
owhwhati
sitabout
.

Him:cust
odycase.Atfi
rstIt
houghtitwas
gonnabeeasybutnowitsprovingt
obediffi
cult
.
Theexhusbandandhislawyersdugsomedi r
t
thatmademycli
entlookbad.
Me:
whatki
ndofdi
rt
.

Him:apparentlymyclientusetobeadr i
nker,
shehadanal cohol pr
oblem whil
etheywerestil
l
marri
edandshedi dn'
ttellmeaboutitbecause
shequitt
woy ear
sagoandhasn' ttouched
al
coholsi
ncet hen.Shedi dn'
tthi
nkherhusband
wil
lbri
ngitup.

Me: owhthatsoundsbad,butt
hemancan'tj
ust
takekidsawayFrom t
heirmother
.Ev
eryki
d
needsamot her.

Him:exact
ly,
Imeanthatwomanl
ovesherki
ds,
shewoulddoanyt
hingfort
hem.

Me:
sowhydon'
ttheyj
usthav
eaj
oined
cust
ody,y
ouknowmakedayswher
ethefat
her
canbewitht
heki
dswhi
let
heyli
vewit
hthei
r
mother
.

Him: t
hat'
swhatIwasfight
ingf oratfir
st.I
thoughtwehadreachedanagr eementbutt he
husbandnowwant scompletecust ody.He
wantstotaket
hekidsfrom theirmot her

Me:
can'
ttheki
dsmaket
hei
rownchoi
ce

Him:unf
ort
unat
elyt
heyarest
il
lminor
s,thefi
rst
borni
s10,andt
heotheronei
s6yearsyounger.

Me: Godt heyarest

il
lyoung.Maybeyoushould
fi
ndoutwhyt hewif
edr anki
nthefir
stplace.
Surelythehusbandhasahandi nthat.Fi
nd
somet hingonthehusbandthatwouldshow
t
hathei
snotagoodman.

Hi
m: y
ouareri
ght,
wowyouar
esocl
ever
,
maybeyoucanhel
pme.

Me:
wit
hwhat
.

Him:myrecepti
onisti
sonleav
eandIki
nda
havet
ojuggleeveryt
hingsomaybey
oucanbe
mytemporaryrecepti
oni
st

Me:l
olIknownot
hingaboutbei
nga
r
ecept
ioni
st

Him: Iknowy ouknowabi taboutcomputer

s,I
sawy ouatt heli
brary,
Iwil
lteachyoual
lthe
otherstuff
,itsnotthatdi
ff
icul
t.Youj
ustanswer
phonecall
s,schedul
emymeet
ingsandst
uff
l
ikethat
.

Me:
Idon'
tknow.Am j
ustnotsur
e.

Hi
m: pl
easeam beggingyou,
itsjustfort
his
month.At
leastt
hiscanhelpi
nf utur
ewi t
hyour
CV.

Me:
fine.
..
.whendoIst
art
.

Hi
m:t
omor
row.

Me:
what
..
.Sosoon.

Hi
m:It
oldy
ouam desper
ateher
e.
Me:
finet
hen,
Iwi
l
lst
artt
omor
row.

Hi
m:t
hanky
ousomuch,
youar
ethebest
.

"whyisshethebest
"sf
isoaskedwal
ki
ngi
nthe
ki
tchenwit
hnothi
ngbutshor
tson.
Hehadabsandat
att
ooonhi
sshoul
der
,he
l
ookedf
ine.

"well
she'
sthebest
ess,sheagr
eedt
ocome
workformethi
shol
iday
s"Thabangsai
d.

Sf
iso:
owhIdi
dn'
tknowi
miknowsaboutl
aw.

Me:andIdon'
t,
am j
ustgonnabehi
stempor
ary
r
ecepti
oni
st.
Sf
iso:
owh,
sowhenar
eyoust
art
ing.

Me:
tomor
row.

Sf
iso:
sosoon.

Thabang:
that
'sbecauseam desper
ate.
Any
wayIgot
tago,
am
Al
readyl
ate.

Me:
bye.
..

Thabang:
sho.

Het
ookhi
sbr
ief
caseandcarkey
sthenr
ushed
out
.

"soy
ouar
eexci
tedaboutt
hej
ob"sf
isosai
d.

Me:
abi
t,At
leastIwi
l
lkeepbusy
.

Sfi
so:whydoyouneedt
okeepbusy
,ar
eyou
boredorsomet
hing.

Me:notr
eal
l
yIj
ustneedt
ogetsomet
hing
doi
ng.

Hi
m:owhohky
.Soanypl
ansf
ort
heday
.

Me:
zeeandIwi
l
lgot
othepar
klat
er.
Hi
m:canIj
oin.

Me:
ify
ouwantt
o,y
oucan.

Hi
m:i
woul
dlov
eto.

Me:
goodt
hen,
wewoul
dlov
etohav
eyou.

Il
ookedathi
m andgoshwashesoyummy ,
I
wi
shedIcoul
dfeelhi
sski
nagai
nstmine.
Iquickl
ysnappedoutofmynotsogood
thoughts,Ihadbeenfeeli
ngweirdl
atel
y.Ihad
becamesosexual l
yacti
ve.ImeanIyearnedf
or
sex,notlovejustsex.
Thet
hought
sam hav
ingar
ejustscar
y.

"hey
"het
appedmyshoul
der
.
"am sor
rywhat
?"Iasked.

Hi
m,:
wher
edi
dyougoj
ustnow.

Me:
nowher
ereal
l
y.Youwer
esay
ing?
.

Hi
m:Ij
ustwantt
ospendt
imewi
thy
ou.
(Hegotcl
oser
,)

"Iknowt
hiswi
l
lSoundcr
azybutIki
ndal
i
key
ou
"

Icoughedviol
ent
lyasihadjustchokedonmy
tea,
ittookawhil
ebeforeIcamedown.
Me:
whatar
eyousay
ing.

Him: maybey ouwil

l f
indthi
sinappr opri
atebut
i
mi Ihavefeelingsf
ory ou.Maybei tistosoon
tosaythisbutIcan'tholdmysel fany more.Am
goingcrazy.Ilovey
ouandIt hinkam goi ng
crazybecauseIcan'tstopthi
nkingabouty ou.

Hekeptqui
etprobabl
ywaiti
ngf
ormetosay
somethi
ngbutIwaslostf
orwor
ds.Idi
dn'
t
knowwhattosay.

"am sorr
y,Ishouldn'
thav
esai
dthat
,it
sjust
thatwhenIseey ouit
shardt
ocontr
olmy sel
f"
hesaid.

"i
tsohky
,youdon'thav
etoapol
ogize"Isai
d
wi
thasmi l
e.Thepoorguywassweating.
Hi
m:sowhatar
eyousay
ing.

Me:
canIAt
leastt
hinkabouti
t.

Hi
m:y
es,
of'
cozt
akeal
lthet
imey
ouneed.

Hesmi l
edner v
ously
.Ij ustconti
nuedsi ppi ngon
myt ea,Ihadmill
i
onthought st r
acingthrough
mymi ndandnoneoft hem wer eaboutl ov e.My
heartdi
dn'tski
pabeatorany thing.Idi
dn' teven
feelbut
terfl
i
esinmyt ummy .Theonl ythingI
thoughtAboutwassex.
Steamyandroughsex.Iguessmymindwas
damagedbecauseIdidn'
tthi
nkIcoul
dbeloved.
Menhadmademet heirsextool
andIwasjust
aboutt
obecomet hat
.
Af
terdri
nki
ngmyt eaIpl
acedthecupont he
si
nk,sf
isowasbusymakingcereal
,Ipassed
hi
m.
Mybloodrushedj
ustasIcamei
ncont
actwi
th
hi
sskin.

Iwal
kedout,
Icoul
dfeelhisey
esbehi
ndmeso
Iswi
ngl
edmyassjustintheri
ghtway
.Ineeded
himt
ostare.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#SFI
SO.

"wowt hatwentwel l
"Isaidtomy selfthe
momentsheexi tedthekitchen.I.Didn'twanna
starebutIcouldn'thel
pbutgazeather .Damn
shewashot .Muchbet t
ert hanthel astti
meI
sawher .Shewasabi treservedbutwasal soa
bitdif
ferentfr
om thetimeIwaswi thherbefor
e
theincident.
Ther
ewassomethi
ngabouther
,Ij
ustdi
dn'
t
knowwhati
twas.

Imeansheli
ter
arytouchedmeri
ghtnow,
ther
e
i
ssomuchspaceshecoul dhav
eusedbutshe
deci
dedtopassnexttome.
Hereyesaresodiff
erent,
soempt y
,shedoes
l
aughButherlaughtercarr
iedwithitnot
hing,
t
herewasnoexci t
ementi nherface.Shewas
j
ustemptynonethelessIsti
llhopesheaccepts
myproposal.
Ineedher.IknowshehasbeenbrokenbutI
wasr eadyt
oloveherunt
ilshel
ear
nstolove
again.
Iwasgonnamakehermyworl
d.Makeher
happyandshowhert
hatt
heworl
disnotacr
uel
pl
aceafteral
l
.

Iatemycereal.Myheartf
il
ledwit
hsomuch
happi
ness.Itf
eltli
keaver
yhugebur denhad
beenli
ft
edofmyshoul der
s.Iwashappyi na
waythateventhismerecereal
tast
edso
del
ici
ous.

Af
tereat
ingIpl
acedt
hebowl
ont
hesi
nkand
whi
stl
edasIwentbackt
omyr
oom.

Igotinther
e, t
hrowmy selfonmybed,tookmy
phoneandbr owsedt hr
oughherphotos,Ihad
somanypi cturesofherthatIhadt
akenon
Facebook.

"damny ousobeaut
if
ul"Ipract
ical
lyt
alkedto
myselfst
ari
ngatherpi
ctur
e.Icouldn'
thelpbut
smil
e.
Seeinghermademehappy
.Ist
il
lcoul
dn'
t
bel
ieveshewasher
e.

Ilaidi
nthatbedforawhil
edaydreaming.I
couldHearthem cl
eani
ngthehouse.Iwent
throughmyFacebookinboxandIhadquitefew
messages,afewwer efr
om Nell
y.Shewas
beggingmenottodot hi
sinthefi
rstf
ew
messages,
thel
astonesshewasact
ual
l
y
i
nsul
ti
ngme.
Shecal
ledmeamanhoe,sayi
ngt
hatIwas
gonnasuff
erf
orhur
ti
ngher
.

Idi
dn'
tanswerher
,inst
eadIwentt
oher
ti
meli
neandshehadpostedapict
ureofher
andSandi
le.
Theywer
ekissi
ng,
shepost
edt
hepi
ctur
enot
l
ongert
hatanhour
.
"wowy ouguyslookcute"Icomment
ed,Iwas
real
lynotangr
yeventhoughsandi
lewasmy
fri
end.

HewasagoodguyandNell
ydeservedtobe
happy
,ifmyf
ri
endmakesherhappythensobe
i
t.
"thankyou,Atl
eastsomeguysknowhowt
o
tr
eatalady"sherespondedt
omycomment

#me:am happyf
ory
ou.I
tlooksl
i
key
ouar
e
happy
.

#her:v
elengi
happy
,IguessIhav
eyout
othank
fort
hat.

#me:
am gl
adIcoul
dhel
p.

#her
:At
leasty
ourf
ri
endi
sabet
terf
uckert
han
you.

#me: am gl
adyouf
oundsomeonebet
ter
nel
siwe,youar
eaGoodperson,
youdeser
vea
gooddick.
#her
:mxm per
ver
t.

Ij
ustpostedasmi
l
eyi
moj
ithenl
oggedof
fmy
Facebook.

It
ossedmyphoneont
opoft
hedr
awerand
madeupmybed.
Iwenttotakeashowert
henworesomethi
ng
descent
,Icoul
dn'
tbehappi
ert
hatIwasgonna
spendthedaywit
himi.

#admn
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYFI
FTY
#NARRATED

Thetwowomensatsi lentl
yforawhi
le.Phi
ndi
st
il
ll
ostforwords,l
ostinthought
str
y i
ngto
di
gestwhatshejustheard.
It
sar oundmiddayandt heywer
einthelounge
wat chi
ngTV,ormay betheTVwaswat ching
them becausetheyweren'tr
eal
l
ypay i
ng
attenti
ontoanythi
ngthatwasplayi
ng,they
wer ehavi
ngav erydeepanddif
fi
cult
conv er
sati
on.

"aibosisiyoumeany ouwentthroughal lt
hat
andy oustayed"phindi
l
ebrokethesilencer i
ght
aft
ershegul peddownherremainingwi ne.In
herheadshef eltl
i
keshenoddedsomet hing
str
onger,may beabrandyorwhiskytowash
awayt heshock.
Herjawswerealr
eadyont heflooraft
erher
sist
ertol
dheraboutthegruesomet hi
ngst hat
shehadtoendureinhermar r
iage.Apparently
Nhlakawasthebiggestdr
ugl ordinumhlanga
rocks.Hi
smostbusinessdealswer ecar
ried
outinkwamashu.

Hehaski ll
edsomanypeopl e.Forawhi l
ehe
wasi nvol
vedinabductions,
hekidnapped
Younggi rl
sandusedt hem t
ot r
ansporthi
s
drugs.Heal sosoldyounggir
lstooldermen.He
wasi ndeedar uthl
essmonsterwhoCheat ed
countlessti
meandatt i
mewassoabusi v
e
towardshiswi fe.

"Nompi whydidyoust
ayMar a"phi
ndiasked
oncemor e,
that
'showsheusuall
ycall
edher
si
sterwhenevershewasteasi
ngher.(nompi,
wasashor t
enednameforNompi l
o,whichthee
nameshewasgi venbyhergr andmotherbefor
e
shepassedaway )Thistimear oundshewas
reall
yshocked.Shedidn'tbel
i
ev ehersi
ster
mar r
iedsuchamonst er.Howcoul dshekept
quietwhil
eli
vingwithSuchabeast .
Shecoul
dn'tbel
iev
eit,
toherNhlakaseemed
l
ikeadescenthumanbei ng.ar
espect
edman.
Soit
sreal
lytrueappearancecanbedecei
vi
ng.

"yazisi
siIwantedtoleave,t
her ewasat i
me
whereIwantedt opackmycl othesandl eave
buthetoldmet hati
fIleavehewi llf
indmet hen
kil
lme,aft
erthathewasal sogonnaki l
lyouand
Mzamo.Cany oubeli
evethatnhlakai sthe
reasonmzamoi sinjai
l.Hewast heonewho
sentmzamoandhi sgangtot hatshopt orob.
Hetoldmzamotokil
ltheshopownerjust
becausehewasal
sodealingdr
ugs,t
heshop
att
endedwasshotbecausehewasdealing
drugsinnhl
aka'
ster
ri
tor
y"shesai
dwi
pingher
tears.

"INI
!Buthow,howdidnhl
akaknowmzamo,
whydidhemar r
yyouaft
ersendi
ngourbr
other
topri
son"phi
ndiaskedwit
hsomuchconfusion.

Nompi:appar
entl
ynhl
akast
art
edtaki
ng
i
nter
estinusthemomenthi
sbrot
herJaden
st
art
eddatingyou.
Hiswordswere,
hehir
edaninvest
igat
ort
ofind
outi
fyoureal
l
ylovedJadenoryouwereaf
ter
hi
smoney .
Hedugupevery
t hi
ngaboutyourl
i
feandwhen
hesawpi
ctur
esofmet hatthePIhadtookhe
becamei
nter
estedinme.
Butheknewt
hatmzamoandhi
sfr
iendswere
pl
anni
ngabankhei
st,
mzamowasgonnasteal
enoughmoneyt omakeusr i
ch.Andnhl aka
fi
guredt hatifmzamogett hatmoneywewer e
gonnaber i
ch,wemi ghthaveev enrelocatedso
hetoldmzamot hatheknewev eryt
hingabout
thei
rplans.hebl ackmailedmzamoi ntodoing
therobber y
,hesai difhedidn'
tdoi thewas
gonnat aketheirheistplantothepol i
ce.

Phi
ndi
:noway,
Idon'
tbel
i
evet
his.Sowhydi
dn'
t
yout
ell
me,howdidy
ouknowaboutthi
s.

Nompi:
hetol
dmet woyearsago,wewerejust
t
alki
ngandIguessweendeduptalki
ngabout
t
hepast.

Phindi
:whydidn'
ty outel
lmesooner,sothat
bastar
disthereasonmzamoi srott
inginjai
l
.
Well.
..
..
heshouldjoinhimint
hatcel
l..
.
Youneedtor
eporthimt
othepol
i
cebecausei
f
youdon'
tdoi
t,Iwil
l
.
I
nfactyoushouldhav er
epor
tedhi
ml ongago.I
j
ustdon'tgetwhyy ouwil
lst
aywit
hthis
monsterforsolong.

"IstayedbecauseIf earedformyl ifeandI

l
ov edtheman,hehadcheat edbef orebutnever
oncedi dhemar r
yhismi st
resses.He
respectedme.Henev ermademef eell
essofa
womannott ot alkaboutleavi
ngmef oranot
her
woman"shesai d.

Phindi
:Ican'tbel
ievet his,Inowunder stand
whyJadenkeptsay i
nghi sbr ot
herwasa
dangerousman.Cany oubel i
evet hatwewer e
onceinfinancialr
uins, IaskedJadent oborrow
moneyf rom hisbrotherandhecl earl
ytoldme
thathewoul dnotaskf orbloodmoney .
Iaskedwhathemeantbuthenev
ersai
d.

"t
hatmeansJadenknewwhatt
ypeofaper
son
Hi
sbrot
herwas"nompiSai
d

Phi
ndi
:i
tseemsso.

Shecl
appedherhandsonceinshock,
sti
l
ltr
ying
todi
gestwhatshej
usthear
d.

"sonowt hatpatheti
cexcuseofamanwants
toleaveyouandt heki
dshomeless.Hemustbe
crazy"sheadded.

Her:i
tseemsso,buti
fhethi
nksIwi
ll
leave
quiet
lyt
henshehasanot
herthi
ngcoming.Iwi
l
l
showhimf l
ames.
Phi
ndi
:owhGod,
thi
sisr
eal
l
yser
ious.

Her
:Iwil
lrui
nhi
m,theonl
ywayhecankeepme
qui
eti
stokil
lme.
Am goi
ngtot
ell
whoev
eriswi
l
li
ngt
oli
sten
whatki
ndofamanheis.
Iwi
lltell
thepapersandIknowpeopl ebeli
eve
whatevertheyread.Iwil
ltar
nishhi
simagine
unt
iltherewil
lbenot hi
nglef
tofhim,watchme.

Itwasclearl
ywri
tteninherf
acet hatshemeant
everywordshesaid.Shewasoutf orbloodand
waswi l
l
ingtodowhat everi
ttakestoteach
nhlakaalesson.

"am t
ell
i
ngyousi
si,
thi
sti
mehemesswi t
hthe
wrongwoman"sheaddedswear
ingwi
thher
hands.

Phi
ndi
coul
dseethroughher,shecoul
dsee
howbr
okenherl
i
ttl
esisterwas.
Shesawt
hepainshewasin.Def
eatWas
wri
tt
enwel
lonherfor
ehead
Shewasaboutt
osaysomet
hingwhenher
phoner
ang.

"zenade"sheanswer
ed.

Zenade:
heyphi
ndy
,

Her
:doy
ouhav
esomet
hingt
angi
blef
orme

Zenade:IwishIhadbutIdi
dever
ythi
ngIcoul
d.
Ihaveexploredal
lmyopti
onsbutIcan'
tfi
nd
her.I
tsli
kel
indi
wekhuzway
ojustdr
oppedof
f
thefaceoft
heeart
h.
Seemsl i
keshehasahugel umpsum ofwhat
wassupposedt obeherpensi onfundinthe
fr
eightandtruckcompanyshewaswor ki
ngat.
Themoneyi sstil
luntouched.Buttheysay
someonedi dtryt
ocl ai
mi tawhileagobutthey
couldn'
tgiv
et hemoneyt ohim becausether
e
wasnopr oofthatli
ndiwewasdead.
Her
:int
erest
ing,
sowhot
ri
edt
ocl
aimt
he
money.
Zenade;someonenamedPatr
ickzondo,
apparent
lyhewasmarr
iedt
olindi
we.
Her:
I'
vehear
dabouthi
m,sodoy
ouknow
wheret
hisPat
ri
cki
s.
Zenade:unfor
tunatel
yIcouldn'tl
ocat
ehim.Am
afr
aidthat
'sal
l Ihavefory
ou, Iknowitst
hinbut
i
tstheonlyinf
or mati
onIcouldgetafter
expl
ori
ngall
Myr
esour
ces.

Her
:owhnothankyousomuch,youhav
egi
ven
memorethanenoughi
nfor
mati
on

Zenade:
goodthen,
Iwil
lkeepdi
ggi
ng.Iwi
l
ltel
l
youwhenIfi
ndsomethi
ngelse.

Her
:thanky
ousi
siby
e.

Shedr
oppedt
hecal
landnompi
wasst
ari
ngat
her
.

"andwhowast
hat"shef
inal
l
yasked.

Phi
ndi
:it
smyf
ri
end,
shest
aysar
oundher
e
act
ual
l
y.
Iaskedhert
olookf
ori
mi'
smot
her
.

Her
:owh,
why
.

Herf
acechangedalmostimmediat
ely
,she
swal
l
owedaspi tandsatpr
oper
lyonthecouch.

"i
mi askedmetohel
pherlocat
ehermot
her
andIhelped.
"Phi
ndi
answered.

Nompi fel
therheartbeat
ingoutofherchest,
it
waschokingher.Thiscan'tbehappeni
ng,her
si
stercan'
tbeinvesti
gati
ngsucht hi
ng.

"sowhatdi
dyouf
indsof
ar"sheasked.

Phi
ndi
:not
hingr
eal
l
y,zenadecan'
tfi
ndl
i
ndi
we,
butshebumpedi
ntoaname,
Pat
ri
ckzondo.
Ij
usthav etofi
ndhim becauseatt
hismoment
hemi ghtbetheonlyonewhoknowst he
whereaboutsofli
ndiwe.

Her
:owh.
..

"ai maanyouguy sWereneighbor

sri
ght
,and
youwer esti
l
l ar
oundwhenlindiwe
disappear
ed."Sheremarked

"eishIwi shIknewwhathappenedbutIdon' t.I

l
astsawl i
ndiweont he21stofmar ch,
shewas
dri
v i
ngincomi ngbackf rom work.Wetalkeda
fewmi nut esbeforeshewentinthehouse.after
thatIneversawheragai n.Iaskedthegirls
wher etheirmom wasbutt heytoldmet hatshe
wentt ovisitarelat
ivei
nJo'burgsoIbelieved
t
hem unt
ilafewmonthsl
aterwhenIsawt
hem
movi
ngout"shesai
d

Phi
ndi
:someonecan'
tjustdi
sappear
,
somet
hingmusthavehappened.
Sot
hehusbanddoy
ouknowhi
m wel
l
.

Her:
Iknewhim butnott
hatwel
l.Hewasqui
et
andr
eser
ved.Heneverspoket
ome.

Phi
ndi
:di
dheev
ercamear
oundher
eaf
tert
hey
movedaway
.

Her
:Ihav
enev
erseenhi
m si
ncet
hen.

Phindi
:ohkt
hen,Ineedt
ofi
ndhi
m,may
beI
shouldhi
reaPI.
Her
:wowy
ouar
ereal
l
yser
iousaboutt
his.

Phi
ndi
:Iam,
Ineedt
ohel
pthegi
rl
sfi
ndcl
osur
e.

Nompi keptqui et,Lordknowsshewasshi t

scared.Sheneedst ofi
ndPat r
ickbeforeher
si
sterdidbecausesheknewt hatherf i
nding
Patri
ckwi l
lreveal thedarkestsecretshehas
beencar r
yingar ound.Thiswi l
ldestroy
everyt
hingshehashel ddearly
,notonl ywould
shehav elostherhusband, shewasgonna
l
ooseherf ami l
yt oo.Herki ds,t
heywi llseeher
asamonst er.Althoughshedi dn'tgetherhands
dir
tybutshecl ear l
ywasanaccompl icetowhat
happenedt hatni ght.

Shenev
ermeantt
obei
nvol
vedi
nsuchbut
bei
ngmar ri
edtoguy
sli
kenhl
akaal
way
shas
str
ingsat
tached.

Herminddri
ft
edof
f,shecouldhearhersi
ster
goi
ngonandonaboutfindi
ngPatri
ckbutshe
neverr
eal
l
yheardawordshesaid.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#I
MINATHI
thedayi
nthepar
kwasperf
ectforme.Thepar
k
i
sstil
lasIr
emembered,
socal
m andquiet
,you
coul
dhearbir
dssi
ngi
ngsweetmelodi
es.
Treebrancheswhooshi nggivi
ngyouthat
calmnessandr el
axat
ion.Webaskedinthesun
asther ayshithardonourfaces,
Atl
easttoday
i
tsnott hathot.Cebowasont heswingsplayi
ng
withotherkids

"t
hispl
acehasn'
tchangedabit"Isai
dtoZi
tha
whowaslayi
ngontheblanketbesi
deme.
Sfi
sowenttothefr
uitshopnear
bytobuysome
fr
uit
s,hesai
dhewasgonnagr absomethi
ngto
eatonhiswayback.

Zee:
Itol
dyouthatev
ery
t hi
ngwasstil
lthe
same,t
hispl
acecanneverchange,
itwil
l
r
emai
nli
ket
hisev
eni
nthenextt
went
yyear
s.

Me:Imisst
his.Imi
ssedt
henat
ureher
e.I
ts
qui
etandsoothi
ng.

Zeewasaboutt oanswerwhenispott
edaguy
comingtowardsus.Thedudewaswear i
nga
musclevest
,hehadmusclesandbicepsbut
damnwasheugl y
,foramomentIthoughthe
wasrelat
edtoMugabeorkkf r
om muv hango.
Hehadachocol
atecompl
exi
on,
abi
gnoseand
wi
de,bi
gli
ps.

"damnWazewamubi umfana"Iwhisper
edt
o
Zit
ha"buthehasakil
lerbodythough"I
conti
nued.Zi
thabust
edoutlaughing.

"ai
boi
miushukut
hiubabymubi
"shesai
dst
il
l
i
nst
it
ches.

"zee"theguysai
dwi
thal
lhi
sgi
gant
ict
eet
h
exposed

"haaazee,soyouknowtheguy
"Isai
dabi
t
shockedandashamed.

Zee:
yeahHe'
smymonkey

Shecont
inuedl
aughi
ng.

"awwebabywasuhlekakangakauhleki
swa
yi
ni"t
heguysai
dthemomenther eachedus.
Hisvoi
cewassexy.
Icoul
dn'tbel
i
evesuchasexyv
oicewascomi
ng
fr
om hisbigmouth.
Imeanhisli
psl
ookedl
i
keheonl
ytal
kedi
n
capi
tal
let
ter
s.
Ipi
ctur
edhi
m say
ingBHEBHI
,orsomet
hing.

Zee:
ai l
uthobabe,
wewer
ejustt
alki
ngabout
somethi
ng.

"owhohk, cl
ear
lywhateveri
tisyouweretalki
ng
aboutisfunnyt
hen"hesaid,hi
scolognef
ill
ed
theai
r.Theguysmelledexpensi
veandhis
watchclearl
yst
atedthathewasloaded.

"bel
i
ev emebabei
twashel
l
afunny
"zeesai
d
mockingl
y.

"anywaywherearemymanners,
unj
anisi
si,
my
nameisthabo"heext
endedhi
shandandwe
shook.
Me:
am i
mi,
nicet
omeety
out
habo.

"owhsoy ouaret
heei
mi ,
zeetol
dmeal ot
aboutyou,i
t'
sni
cetof
inal
lymeetZee'
syounger
si
ster
"hesaid.

Wel
lIf
igur
edzeemusthav
etol
dhi
mthatwe
wer
esi
sters.

Me:owhohk,Iwi
shIcansayt
hesamebutI
don'
tknowyou.

Hi
m:l
i
keIsai
dam t
habo,
zit
ha'
sboy
fri
end.

Me:
wow,
nicet
omeety
ou.
Aft
erthatIwasspeechless,Ij
ustcoul
dn'
t
bel
ievethatzeewaslaughingsohardAtthe
guy,whi
leinactual
l
yf acthewasherboyfri
end.

"uhm i
micanIbor
rowy
oursi
sterf
orabi
t"he
sai
d.

Me:
sur
eyoucant
akeher
.

Iletoutafakesmil
e,Idon'
tthi
nkIcoul
dbeable
tostareatsuchafaceformorethananhour
,
zeeistrul
ybrave.

"Iwil
lbeback"zeesaidasthabopull
edherup,
hehel
dherbyherwaistastheywalkedaway.
Theystoodatadi stancef
rom whereIwas.
Theykeptonkissingandgiggli
ng.AndI
coul
dn'
tstopthinkingabouthowuglythedude
was.

Fewminut
eslatersf
isocamet
ome.Hewas
car
ryi
ngaplast
ic.

Heplaceditontheground,
insi
det
herewere
t
hreetakeaways.ThenhesatonZi
tha'
sspot.

"wher
e'szee"heasked.

Ipoi
ntedatt
hei
rdi
rect
ionwi
thmyhead.

"owhshe'switht
hebogey
man"sf
isosai
dthat
wit
hlaughter
.

Me:
sot
heyar
ereal
l
ydat
ing.
Sfi
so:yes,
itsbeenthreeyear
snow,
Zit
hal
oves
herscarymoviecharact
er.

Me:
damnt
heguyi
sthet
ruedef
ini
ti
onofububi

Webot hlaughed.If
oundmy sel
fst
ari
ngathi
s
j
uicypinkli
psashel aughed.Sfi
sowas
handsomenol ie.
Il
ookedupandoureyesmet.Hest
opped
l
aughingandst
aredatmedeepl
y.

"y
ou'
resobeauti
ful
,Il
ovey
oursmil
e"hesai
d.I
di
dn'
tev
enreal
izeIwassmil
ing.

Hel
eanedcl
oser
,andGodknowsIwasdyingt
o
f
eel
hisli
psonmine.Iwant
edt
hesexual
pl
easur
efeel
i
ngatt
hatmoment
.

Wewereal
readyani
nchaway
,Icoul
dfeel
his
war
m br
eat
honmyf ace.

"pl
easeal
l
owmet
obey
our
"hespokesof
tl
y

Iwasaboutt oanswerwhenhesmashedhi s
l
ipsonmi ne.Hekissedmepassionatel
yandI
responded.Myey eswer ecl
osedandAllI
thoughtaboutatmomentwer ethosemonsters
taki
ngadv antageofme.Iwant edtopul
laway
butapar tofmeenj oyedthi
s.Iwantedt
his.I
wantedtof eelhiminsideme.
Ij
ustl
etthosegr
uesomer
emi
nder
stookov
er
asIgotl
ostinhi
sli
ps.

#admi
n
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYFI
FTYONE

#NQOBI
LE

Iwasi ntheki t
chencookingdinner .Bri
anwas
onmybackbuthewasasl eepnow.Jetwas
alsoasleepinourr oom.Hedi dn'
tcomehome
l
astnight.Infacthedidn'
tevenbot hertel
l
ingme
thathewasnotgonnabehome.Iwassoangr y
athim, ImeanHeonl ycamehomet his
after
noonsmel l
ingli
kebrewery.Iaskedhi m
wherehewasandhet ol
dmeoupahadabr aai
sohespentt henightatoupa'
spl ace.Wehada
heatedar gument ,
Iwassoangr ybecausehe
didn'
ttellmet hathewouldbesl eepi ngout.He
actedli
keabachel orandIhatedt hat.Theleast
heshoul dhav edonewast onot i
fyme,Ical led
him somanyt imeslastni ghtandhi sphone
wasof f.Ididn'
tsleepawi nk, Iwasscar ed
thi
nkingt hatmay besomet hingbadhad
happenedt ohim,Ihadt owor ryabouthi m and
ourlitt
lebaby ,
whi l
einact ual facthewasout
theenjoyinghimsel f
, hewasj ustpl ainselfi
sh
soinangerIcal l
edhi m amanhoeandt henext
thi
ngIknew, ahotsl apl andedonmycheek, at
fi
rstIthoughthehadt earedmyf leshbuti twas
nothingoft hatsort,
mycheekwasonf i
re.My
cheekbonehur tsomuch, Ihadav erynast yred
brui
set hatrefusedtodi sappearal thoughIhad
appli
edsomei ce.

Icont i
nuedwi thmypot sl
ist
eningtosomecal m
gospel songs.Iwastry
ingtocalm mysel
f,I
didn'twannat hinkaboutwhathappenedearl
ier.
Atleastmusi csoothedmybr ui
sedsoul.I
tmade
mef or getaboutmybur ni
ngcheek.Icanwas
stil
llostinthemomentwhenMyphoner angit
wasaunt
yphumzi
le.Idoubt
edanswer
ingat
f
ir
st,
Imeanwhatdoesshewantnow

"ant
iza"Ifi
nal
l
yanswer
edf
eel
i
ngannoyed.I
wasreall
ynotint
hemoodt
oenter
tai
nher.

Her
:nqobi
hi.Unj
ani
dear
.

Me:
am f
ineandy
ou.

Her:
am good,
how'
stheMar
ri
agel
i
fet
reat
ing
youMar
amababy .

Me:
muchbet
tert
hanx
.

Her
:That
'sni
ce,
arey
oual
soi
nkzn.
Me:
no,
whywoul
dIgowher
eam notwant
ed.

Her :
Ithoughty ouwentwithyourmother.Phel
a
yourmot herranaway .Ajoi
ningcer
emony
betweenherandGci nawassupposedtot ake
placethisweekendbuty ourmotherpackedher
bagsandl eftforkzn.Theelder
shavebeen
tr
y i
ngtogetahol dofhersinceandshe'
snot
picki
ngupt heircall
s.

Me:eh,knowi
ngher
,shewon'
tbebackany
time
soon.

Her:IknewshewasdisrespectfulbutIdidn'
t
thi
nkshewoulddothis.Yourmot herlacks
somemanner s,
disr
especti
ngt heelderslike
that
.Whodoesshet hi
nkshei s.She'sjustthe
sameashersist
er,t
heelder
sshouldjustt
ake
thehouseandever
ythi
ngthatbel
ongedto
Jaden

Me:fi
rst
lyshedoesn'
trespecther
selfwhat
makesyouthinkshecanrespectotherpeopl
e.
Shecametomyhouset
heotherdayt
ryi
ngt
o
actt
hepar
tofagoodmother
.

Her:
aiboiny ourhouse,t
hener
ve.It
houghtshe
coul
dn'tst
andy ourhusbandt
houghsowhydi d
shegot oyourhouse.

Me:t
otryandpersuademei nt
ogoi
ngwit
h
t
hem t
okzn.Imagineshegotinher
eandCal
l
ed
myhusbandadisrespect
ful
boy.

Her
:ai
bo,
uyahl
any
ayi
nil
omake.
Me:she'sjustf
ull
ofshit
.Ichasedheroutofmy
house.Itol
dhertoneversetherf
il
thyfeeti
n
myhouse.

Her:that'
smygi rl
,youdi
dt herightthi
ng.Don't
al
lowhert odestroyyourmar r
iagejustli
keshe
destroyedhers.Shebuilthermar r
iageinli
es
andshewant sy outodot hesame.She' svery
poisonousandIsuspectshegav emybr othera
l
ovepor ti
onthat'
swhyhecont i
nuedt ostay
withherevenafterevery
thingthatshedi d.

Me:
whatl
i
es.Whatdi
dshedo.

Her
:youshouldaskher
,Itel
lyouyourmotheri
s
nosai
nt,she'
sagolddi
ggerwhodestroy
ed
manyli
ves,shet
oreourfamil
yapart
.
Me:aunt
ywhatareyousay
ing.doy
ouknow
somethi
ngt
hatIdon'
t.

Her
:askyourmotherkutsi
whathappened
t
wentytwoyear
sago, j
usttel
lhert
otel
lyout
he
t
rut
h.

Me:
whathappened,
youknowshewon'
ttel
lme.

Her
:justbepersuasi
veandshewi
llt
ell
you.
Any
wayIgot t
agosomeonei satt
heshop.

Shecutthecall l
eavi
ngmewi thsomany
questi
ons.Iwasr eal
lycuri
ous.Whatwasshe
tal
kingabout.Iwantedtocallmymotherri
ght
thenbutmypr idewouldn'
tall
owme.Iwasn't
gonnatalktoherjustbecauseofwhatev
er
secr
etsshewashi
ding.

Iconti
nuedwithMypots,Ihadmill
i
onthoughts
goingthr
oughmymi nd.Whatdidmymot herdo.
Didwhatevershedohaveanythi
ngtodowi t
h
me.
ButIthoughtshel ov edmyf at
herandmyf at
her
alsolovedherdear l
ysohowcandadl ove
someonewhodest royedhi sli
fe.Ifthi ngswere
thatbadt henwhywasourhousef il
ledwi thj
oy.
Imeangr owi ngupIwast hehappi estchi l
d.I
neverlackedany t
hing.Idon' tr
emembercr yi
ng
becauseofmypar ent s.Theypr ovidedmewi t
h
everythi
ngIwant ed.Mom wast hebest ,she
spoil
edmer otten.Andnev erhav eIoncesawor
heardmypar entsf i
ght i
ng.Thei rmar riagewas
thegreatest,that'
swhyev ennowIst il
ltel
l
my sel
fthatIwannahav eamar ri
agel i
kethei
rs.
Theywer eper fectorwasi tallanact .Buthow
cansomeoneactbei nghappy ,ifitwasanact
thendamnt heyaregoodact or
sIgi vethem t
hat.
Ormay bemymom hadi ndeedgi v
enmydada
l
ov eporti
on,maybethat'
showt heireverl
asti
ng
happinesscameabout .Eit
herwayIhav etofind
outwhathappenedt wentytwoy earsago.
Comet othinkofit
,that'
saroundthet i
meIwas
conceived
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#SETH.

Iwokeupwi t
hthemot herofal
lhangov er
s.My
headwasheav yandmybodysot ired.Myr oom
wasamess, andmusi cwaspumpi ngloudon
thester
eo.It
urneditoff
.Tookmyphoneand
checkedthet
ime.Itwasalmost1:00pm.

Yest
erday
'sev
ent
scamecr
ushi
ngi
nmymi
nd.
DamnIst i
llcan'
tbeli
eveIsleptwit
hpr eci
ous.
Regretsfil
ledmymi nd.IfonlyIhadcont r
oll
ed
my sel
f.Ishouldhavestoppedt hekiss.Whatif
thecondom bust i
ngisGod'swayofpuni shi
ng
mef orsleepingwithher.Damnwhathav eI
done.

Ir
ememberhowangryshewastherestoft
he
ni
ght
.Shekeptgi
vi
ngmecunninglooks.
Ican'
thav
eachi
l
dwi
thher
.

Igotoutofthebedst
il
linmyy est
erdaycl
othes.
WellIslepti
nmyshoes.Iwassoslosheditwas
sodiff
icultf
ormetoundress.
Irememberdr i
vi
ngAyaandprecioushome.
Sarahcoul
dn'tdri
vet
hem becauseshewas
mor edr
unkthanIwas.

Iexi
tedmyr oom.Thehousewasamess.I
wentt oSar
ah'sroom shewasst
il
ldeepasl
eep
snori
ngsol oudl
ythatshedi
dn'
tevenhearme
openingthedoor.

Itookherphoneandputonherpat
ter
nbecause
Iknewit.
Ibr
owsedt
hroughunt
ilIgotpr
eci
ous'
snumber
.

It
ookthem andsavedthem onmyphone.
Curi
osi
tygotthebet
terofmesoIalsost
ole
i
mi'snumber.

Iwentbacktomyr oom andcal

ledpreci
ous,
at
fi
rsthernumberrangunanswered,
onmy
secondattemptsheanswered.

"Set
hwhatdoy
ouwant
"shesai
drudel
y.

Me:
preci
oushi
.Howdi
dyouknowi
twasme.

Her:
becauseIknowy
ournumber
,whatdoy
ou
wantfr
om me.
Me:wai
tyouknowmynumber
,howdoy
ou
knowmynumber.

Her:
doesthatmatt
er,
ify
oudon'
tsaywhaty
ou
wantIwi
ll
cutthi
scall
.

Icoul
dheart
hest
inki
ngat
ti
tuder
ighti
nher
voi
ce.

Me:
finedi
dyoubuyt
hepi
l
l.

Her:
reall
y,y
oucal
l
edmef
ort
hatnonsense.Ar
e
youcrazy
.

Me: Ijustneedtobesure,Idon'
twantababy
now, am sti
lli
nschoolandy ouar
ealsoi
n
school .I
fyougetpregnantnowwho'sgonna
takecareofthechil
dbecausenoneofusare
working,wecan'tbr
ingababyintheworl
djust
tomakehi m/hersuffer
.Thi
nkabouthow
expensivebabiesar
e.Howar ewegonna
maintainababywi t
houtmoneyorareyouready
towashnappi esandbreast
feed.

Her:
youdon'thavet
omakemefeel
gui
l
tyohk,
f
ineIboughtthepat
het
icpi
l
l.

Me:
when.

Her
:thi
smor
ning,
Ihav
eal
readydr
anki
t.

Me:
arey
ousur
e,pl
easedon'
tl
iet
ome.

Her
;andwhywoul
dIl
i
e,y
oumaynotbel
i
evei
t
butIal
sodon'twannaapatheti
ccheat
ingass
ofaplayboyt
ofathermychil
d.

Me:owhgoodt
hen,
Iguesswear
eont
hesame
page.

Her:
fine.
..andset
h,Ihopet
hatbor
ehol
emakes
youhappy .

Me:
whi
chbor
ehol
e.

Her:t
heoneimihas,Imeanshegotgangraped,
Lor
dknowshowwi deanddeepherholeisri
ght
now.Ihopeyouwil
lenj
oyswimminginher
swimmingpool.

Me:
howdar
eyousayt
hatabouther
.Youar
e
sohear
tl
ess.

Her:
comeon, am j
uststat
ingthetrut
h,you
don'
tthi
nkherpussyissti
l
l t
ightdoyou.How
shal
lowcanyoureal
lybe.
Lovehasreal
lybl
indedy
ou.Pleasedel
etemy
number,don'
tcal
lmeagain.Goandenjoyyour
minehol
e.

Shecutthecal
landIwasl ef
twit
hmymouth
hangi
ng.Thi
sgirlwasreal
lymeanandcr
azy.
Howcanshesayt hataboutherownf
ri
end.

Iwal
kedoutmyr
oom,
mymout
hwasr
atherdr
y.
Ipr
epar
edast
rongbl
ackcof
feef
ormy
sel
f.

Isatanddr
anki
tasbi
tt
erasi
twas.Ir
eal
l
yhat
e
hangov
er.Am nev
erdr
inki
ngagai
n.

Ipl
acedmyphoneont
het
abl
eandwr
oteat
ext
.

"Imissyou,Ihopeyouar
ecomi
ngbacksoon"I
sentthet
exttoimi.

"IthoughtItol
dSarahnott ogiv
ey oumy
number "washerresponsetomyt ext.If
elt
upset,didshehatemet hatmuch.Imeant he
l
eastsheshoul dhavesaidwashi Before
makingaf ussaboutmehav i
nghernumber s.
Shereal
lymusthat
eme.Iwi
shi
knewwhy
though.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

Ispentmywholedaylazi
ngar oundt hehouse,a
partofmewantedtocalli
mi ,Imissedhervoice
andIneededtoheari
tbutIdoubt edshewas
gonnaanswermycall
s, i
tsclearl
yv i
sibl
ethat
shewantsnothi
ngtodowi thme.

Sar
ahwokeuparound14:
15pm l
ooki
ngal
l
ki
ndsofhor
ri
ble.

Iwasint
heporchj
ustr
elax
ingwhenshemade
herwayt
owardsme.
Herey
eswer
eal
lred.
"damny oulookhor
ri
ble,
hangov
ernev
erl
oved
you"Isaid.

Shej
ustl
ookedatmeandsni
ff
ed

"what'
swrong,
ist
hehangoverr
eal
lythatbad
thati
tsmaki
ngyoucr
y"Iaskedt
easingl
y.

Shej
ustbr
okedown.
NowIwasmor
econcer
ned.

Me:
what
'
swr
ongSar
ahwhyar
eyoucr
ying.

"gr
annyNi
ssai
snomor
e"sheer
upt
edagai
n.
Me:
what
,whot
oldy
out
hat
.

Her:mom j
ustcal
l
ed,
shesaidshehasbeen
t
ryi
ngtocally
oubutyourphonei
sn'
tgoi
ng
t
hrough.

Me: butmyphonei s.
..
..
(It
ookitoutofmy
pocketanditwasof f
)dead,IguessIl
eftt
he
dataonandi tdrownedmybat t
ery.What
happenedtoGr anny.

Her:
theyDon'
tknowy
et,
itsl
i
keshedi
edi
nher
sl
eep.

Me:owhmyGod,thi
sissosad,
mom mustbe
goi
ngthr
oughhel
lri
ghtnow.
Her:shehadsuggestedwegovi
sithert
his
DecemberlastSat
urday,
weshoul
dhav elef
t
ear
li
er.

Me:
sowher
eismom .

Her:
byt
heti
meshecall
edmedadwasdr
ivi
ng
hert
oGr
anny'
spl
ace.
Shesai
dweshoul
dal
sodr
ivet
her
etomor
row.

Me:
damnal
lmycl
othesar
edi
rt
y.

Sar
ah:
youbett
erwasht
hem orj
ustt
aket
hem
tot
hel
aundr
ywomandownt her
oad.

Me:
Iwi
l
lwash.
Ikeptquiet
,Icouldn'
tbel
i
evev
erysweetand
ki
ndgr annyNissawasnomore.
GrannyNi ssawasmymom' smot her.Shelived
i
nPr etori
a, y
esIwassocl osetoherbutI
couldn'tvi
sitherbecauseshewasi nPr etori
a
nort
handIwasi nPr et
ori
acent r
al i
nHat f
ield.I
shouldhav echeckedonheronweekends.I
guessIdi dn'tt
hinkthatshemi ghtleaveusso
soon.Yesshewasol d,herbodywasal it
tlefrai
l
buti hopedwi thhadal i
tt
letimewi thher.Am
real
lygonnami ssherdelici
ouspumpki npieat
Chri
st masdi nner.Chri
stmaswi l
lnev erbethe
sameagai n.

#admi
n
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYFI
FTYTWO
#SFI
SO

Wecamebackaround17:30.Mom andncane
wer
eint
hekit
chencookingastor
m

"mmhi tsmel l
snicei
nhere"Isaidthemi
nut
eI
walkedt hroughthedoor
.Iwasinagoodmood.
Icouldn'tevenhidemyhappiness.

"wasi
nekanj
e,wast
hepar
kthatf
un"mymom
sai
d.
Shecanbeabuzzki
l
leratt
imes.

"haimaoledy,aniggaj
ustcan'
tbehappy
wit
houtanyreason"Itookonesconeonthe
bowlofsconesthatwasonthetabl
e.
"hhay
iwena"mom smackedmyhand.

"ai
bol
ethi
m eat
"ncanei
nter
vened.

Me:y
abonawenancaneuskhokho,
that
'
swhyI
l
oveyou.

Mom: mxm j
ustbecausesheal
l
owsy
out
otake
asconeyounowloveher.

Me: Minanay
esi
nje,
uyaznay
e,orkanj
ani
ncanes.

Ncane:
youar
ecr
azy
.
Me:
wel
lcr
azi
nessr
unsi
nthi
sfami
l
y.

Theyal
ll
aughedasIdi
danae-
naedancef
or
them.

"ai
Shem youar
enut
s"mom sai
d,j
ustatt
hat
momentcebo
Joinedmeandwedancedourassesof f.Bot h
mom andncanewereinstitches.Ienj
oyedt his
moment ,Imi
ssedt
his"laughter"i
thasn'tbeen
i
nt hi
shouseforawhil
enow.I tsurel
ywasso
greattoseemom l
aughforachange.

"youguysreal
l
ycan'tdance"Zi
thasaid,
she
wasstandi
ngbyt hedoorwit
himi whohada
cutesmil
estar
ingathersist
erdanced.

"j
eal
ousyi
sadi
sease"i
responded.
Zee:
mej
eal
ous,
owhpl
ease

Sher
oll
edherey
es.

Mom: l
etthem dot
hei
rthi
ngwenazee,
butwe
all
knowthatyouaret
hemasterwheni
tcomes
todanci
ng.

Mom wast el
li
ngthetr
uth,zeecoul
ddance.She
didn'
tevenhavetot
ryhard.Shewasanatural
.I
remembergrowingupsheusedt obei
ndance
groups.Shei
sthebest.

"mxm she'
sol
dnow,
thebonesar
est
if
f"I
teased.
Zee:
youwi
sh.

Weal
ll
aughed,
thehousewasf
ull
ofj
oy.

*
*
LaterThabangcamebackf r
om work, mom set
thethet abl e, wesatt ogetherandat e.Thabang
tol
dncaneabouti miwor kingforhimf orthe
holi
day s.Ncanedi dntHav eanypr oblem with
theidea, suchabummer ,Iwashopingshewas
gonnar ef use.Idon' tknowbutIsomehow
couldn'tdi gestt hethoughtofi mi workingwith
Thabang.If eltli
ketherewasj ustan
unexplainedchemi strybet weenthem.Butt hen
Ican'tcompl ain.I
mi andIwer enotoffici
all
ya
coupley et .Andev enifwewer e,Idi
dn'twanna
tel
lherhowt ol i
veherlif
e.
Af
tereat
ingi
miandzit
hacl
ear
edt
het
abl
e
whi
leIwentt
omyr oom.

Ithr
ewmy selfi
nbed.IthoughtaboutthekissI
sharedwit
himi ear
li
er,
damni twassogood,
al
thoughattimesshegotabi tr
ough,I
underst
oodwhy .ImeanshesaidIwast hef i
rst
guytoevertouchhereversi
ncetheincident.
*
*
Icanstillfeelherwar m softl
ipsonmi ne,I
actual
lywasgl adt hatsher espondedt othe
ki
ss.May bet here'sstil
lhopet hatwecandat e
aft
erall.Iknewi tsonlyamat t
eroft i
mebef oreI
havethewomanIl ov eri
ghtinmyar ms.God
knowsam t hel uckiestmanal iveonear t
hright
now.Ifeltbl essed, Iwashonour edTobet he
onewhowasgonnabeabl et oshowhert he
dept
hofuncondi
ti
onal
lov
e.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#I
MINATHI
.

Wewer eatthesi
nkwashi
ngt
hedisheswhen
Zeekepteyeingmet
hensmil
i
ng.
"comeon,stopi
tal
ready"Isai
dspr
ingi
ng
wateronher
.

Zee:
what
,whatshoul
dIst
op.

Me:
youar
esmi
l
ingl
i
kear
etar
d.
Zee:
isi
tacr
imet
osmi
l
e.
Me:whenyouaresmi
l
ingatmet
heny
es,
itsa
hor
ri
blecr
ime.

Zee:
am sor
ryi
tsj
ustt
hatIcan'
tcont
ainmy
sel
f

Me:
Idi
dn'
tknowl
ooki
ngatmewast
hatf
unny
.

Zee:
Isawy
ouandSf
isoki
ssi
ngear
li
er
Shesmi
l
ednaught
il
y.

Me:ahwhen,
Ithoughty
ouwer
ebusywi
thy
our
man.

Her:
Iwas, weweret
alki
ngbutwhenIli
ft
edup
myey esIsawyouguyssmoochi
ng,i
twasso
ador
able.

Me:
aisi
sZee.

Her
:what,i
twasr
eal
l
ycut
e,soy
ouandhi
m ar
e
nowdat
ing.

Me:
hel
lno,
noway
.

Her
:whydi
dyouguy
ski
sst
hen.
Me:
wej
ustgotl
osti
nthemoment
.

Her
:mmmhi
fyousayso.

Me:
am ser
ious.

Her
:ohkt
hen.

Me:Igot
tagogetsomesl
eep,
Ihav
eAnear
ly
daytomor
row.

Her
: ohwkonj
eitsyourfi
rstdayatwork.You
bet
tergorest
,,
Iwil
lfi
nishupt hedi
shes.

Me:
kthanx.
Itossedthedishclothont hesi
nkthenmade
mywayt oourroom, Ipassedbythereddoor
thatwasf or
everclosed.Eversi
nceIhavebeen
here,Ihaveneverseent hi
sroom opened.I
shouldaskZithawhat '
sinhere,sur
elyshe
knowsnow.

Imademywayupt
hestai
rs,
tookaqui
ck
showerwor
emyni
ght
ybefor
egett
ingi
ntobed.
Idi
dn'
treal
l
ysleep,
Iwai
tedf
orZi
thawhocame
i
nhourslat
er.

"hauy
ouaresti
ll
notasl
eep"sheaskedt
he
momentshegotundert
hecovers.

Me:
notr
eal
l
y,Iwaswai
ti
ngf
ory
ou.
Her
:why

Me:theroom wit
hthereddoor
,whyi
sital
way
s
l
ocked,what'
sinther
e.

Zitha:Idon'tknow,
mom sai
dtheylostythekey
tot heroom, andsi
ncewedi
dn'
treall
yusei t
theydidn'tseetheneedt
ogetanotherkey.

Me:
what
'
sint
her
e.

Her:
Idon'
tknowIdi
dn'tr
eal
lyask,
IguessI
di
dn'tr
eal
l
yseetheneedtoask.

Webot
hkeptqui
et

"al
thoughoneni
ghtIcoul
dhav
eswor
nIsaw
mydadgoi nginther
e,am notreall
ysur e
thoughbecauseIwasst i
l
lsleepy,Ij
ustwokeup
togopeet hat
'swhenIthoughtIspottedhim
enteri
ngtheroom.Iaskedhim aboutitthe
fol
lowingdayandhesaidImusthav ebeen
seeingthi
ngsbecausehewasnev erthere,
soI
thoughtmymi ndwasplayingtri
cksonmesoI
l
etitbe"shesaid.

Me:
owh.

Her
:whywer
eyouaski
ng.

Me:
justcur
iosi
tyIguess.

Her
:youknowwhat
,weshoul
dfi
ndawayt
oget
i
nther
e
Me:
what
,ar
eyousur
e

Her
:yes,
what
'st
hewor
stt
hatcanhappen.

Me:
howwi
l
lwegeti
nther
e.

Her
:Iwi
l
lmakeapl
an.

Wetal
kedsomemor
ebef
orewedr
if
tedoft
o
l
alal
and.
*
*
*
*
*
*
Iwokeupearl
ythenextday
,tookabat
hthen
woremyjustabov
etheknees,l
ongsl
eevegr
ey
dress.
I
thuggedmybodyperf
ect.Iwor
eabl
ack
wedgeandpl
acedever
ythi
nginmybl
ack
handbag.
Icombmyhai
randappl
i
edmi
nimal
makeup.

"damnyoul
ookli
keacor
poratewoman"Zi
tha
sai
dsi
tt
ingUp,
shewasstar
ingatme.

Me:
lol
thanky
ou

Her
:sur
elyy
ougonnamur
dert
his.

Me:
Iwi
l
ltr
ymybest
.
Her
:gof
ri
end.

Wehi
ghf
ived,
Itookmybagandexi
tedt
he
r
oom.
Igotint
heki
tchenmademy
sel
facupofst
rong
coff
eeandasandwich.
Thabangwal
kedi
nlooki
ngal
lki
ndsofgood.

"morni
ng,l
ookatyoual
ldone,y
oul ook
beaut
if
ul"hesai
dmakingaprotei
nshake.

Me:
thanky
ou,
Itol
dyouIwasanear
lybi
rd.

Hi
m:Isee.

Hepour
edt
heshakei
nagl
assandsi
ppedoni
t.
Rightthensf
isowalkedinhal
fnakedasusual
l
y,
andlikeanyotherdayicoul
dn'
tst
opdrool
i
ng
overhim.

"mor
ning"hesai
d.

Me:
hi,
Thabang:
eit
abr
o

If
ini
shedupmybr
eakf
ast
,Icoul
dfeel
hisey
es
onmyskin.

"ar
eyour
eady
,youl
ookBeaut
if
ul"hesai
d.

Me:
yesam r
eadyandt
hanky
ou
Ismi
l
ed.

"weshoul
dgo"Thabangsai
d.

Ipl
acedev
ery
thi
ngont
hesi
nk,
tookmybag.

"by
e"Isai
d.

Sf
iso:
enj
oyy
ourday

Weexi
ted.Wegoti
nthecarandThabangdr
ove
of
f
Weparkedi
nfrontofahugeOf
fi
cebui
l
ding.We
st
eppedoutofthecar
.

"t
hisi
sit
,mywor
kpl
ace"hesai
d
Me:
thi
spl
acei
ssohuge.

Him:yeahi
tsoneoft
hebi
ggestl
awf
ir
mint
he
count
ry.

Me:
wow,
Ifeel
soner
vousr
ightnow.

Hi
m:don'
tbener
vous,
am her
efory
ou

Hehel dmyhandandwewal kedinsidethe

buil
ding.Thisplacel ookedsoprofessional
,at
thefrontwasar eceptiondesk.aladywearinga
fancyleatherskirtandawhi teTrunktopwas
therespeakingont hephone.Shewasso
beautif
ul.
"MrNkosi"shesai
dassoonasshedr
opped
thephone.

"Pamel
a,anymessagesformetoday
"Thabang
spokei
naprof
essional
manner.

Pam: justafewsir,(shehandedhi
m some
notes)andMrpi l
layrequest
edameetingwi
th
you,he'sinfi
nancialr
uinsandwoul
dlike
professional
help

Thabang:ohk,t
hankyouPam, uhm t
hi sis
IMINATHI,she'
sgonnabemyt empor aryPA,
youwill
forwardal
lmymeetingsandschedul es
toher,
showherhowt odosomeoft het hi
ngs
andhelpherseta1:30pm meetingwi t
hMr
pil
l
ayohk.
Pam:
Ohksi
r,uhm hi
IMI
NATHI
,am Pam.

Me:
hiPam ni
cet
omeety
ou.

Shewasabubbl
yperson,
itwascl
ear
lyv
isi
ble
i
nthewayshespoke.

"youandIar
egonnabebestoff
ri
ends"she
sai
d.

Ismil
edatherandt
henIf
oll
owedThabangt
o
theel
evat
or.
West
oppedont
hef
if
thf
loor
.

Thabangshowedmeev
ery
thi
ng,
mydeskand
st
uff.
Lat
erhei
ntr
oducedmet
oal
lthest
uffi
nthe
bui
l
ding.
*
*
Everyt
hingwentextr
emelywellconsi
deri
ng.
Pam taughtmesomeoft hestuff,
Thabangalso
helpedmedur i
nghisfr
eeti
me, hetaughtme
howt ousewordeccessandexcel,bymi ddayI
knewhowt ocr
eateadatabaseandhi s
scheduleforaday.
Iguessmyl i
tt
leknowledgewithcomputers
real
lyhelped.mydaywassuper b.I
twenton
pret
tyfast,Ihadmyl unchwithThabang,well
he
i
nsisted.AndPam want edtohavelunchwith
mebutIgav eheraraincheck.

Weknockedof
far
oundsi
xo'
cl
ock.

"damnam t
ir
ed,
whoknewsi
tt
ingi
nadesk
coul
dgetabodythi
sworkedup"Isai
dint
he
caronourdr
ivehome.

Thabang:
don'
twor
ry,
itwi
l
lgetbet
terwi
tht
ime.

Me:
Idoubt
,myshoul
der
sar
esost
if
f.

Hi
m:y
ouneedal
i
ttl
emassage.

Me:
Icoul
duseoner
ightnow.

Hepar
kedt
hecaront
hesi
deoft
her
oad.

"whyar
ewest
oppi
ng"Iasked.

Hi
m:y
ousai
dyouneedamassage.
Me:
yeahbutwhyar
ewest
oppi
ngher
e.

Hi
m:j
ustr
elax.

Hest
eppedoutoft
hecarandgotatt
heback.
Hel
oweredmyseat.

Me:
whatar
eyoudoi
ng.

Hi
m:gi
vi
ngy
ouamassage.

Me:uhm i
fyouhaven'
tnot
icedwear
eint
hecar
.
I
nthemiddleoft
heroad.

Hi
m:Iknow,
justsi
tbackandr
elax
.
Headjustedhi
msel
f,Isatbackandhest
art
ed
massagingme.
Ihadmyeyesclosed,
thi
sfel
tsogr
eat
.Mybody
wasal
lrel
axed.

"mmhyougood,
yourhandsar
eli
kemagi
c"I
sai
dsof
tl
y

Hi
m:Iknowr
ight
,youwer
egoodt
oday

Me:
yout
hinkso.

Him:
yes,y
ouwereevenbet
tert
hanIt
hought
.
Youwil
lmakeagr
eatPA.

Me:
youar
ejustsay
ingt
hatt
osof
tenmeup.
Hi
m:am not
,am j
ustsay
ingt
het
rut
h.
Ther
e..
..am al
ldone.

Hepl
ant
edaqui
ckki
ssonmyf
orehead
"thankyou,
"Isatup"wowIf
eel
li
ght
eral
ready"
Iadded.

Hi
m:am gl
ady
ouar
efi
ne,
arey
ouhungr
y.

Me:
am f
ami
shed
Hi
m: goodt
hen,t
here'
sarestaur
antdownt
own,
t
heymakeperf
ectzucchi
ni.

Me:
Ihav
enev
ert
ast
edt
hat
.
Him:ther
e'safi
rstt
imeforever
ythi
ng,andwe
canhavebalsamicr
iceandthei
rmuttonchops,
i
tsgreat.

Me:
soundsl
i
key
ouknowy
ourf
ood.

Hi
m:wellam af
oodl
over
,andmom t
aughtme
ev
ery
thi
ngelse.

Me;
wel
ll
et'
sgot
hen.

Hemadeau-
tur
nandwedr
ovedownt
own.

#admi
n
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L
ENTRYFI
FTYTHREE

#SFI
SO

I
tsaround21: 00pm y
etimi andThabangwere
notyetback.Wherecouldtheybeatthisti
me
ofthenight.ImeanThabangnev erworksany
l
atenightswhydidhechooset odayofallday
s
toworklate.

GodknowsIdon'
ttr
usthi
m wi
thi
mi.

Ikeptst
ari
ngatt
heact
ionmovi
epl
ayi
ngont
he
TVbutIwasneverr
eal
l
ywatchi
ng.
Myey eskeptwonder
ingonthewatchonthe
wall
,Ikeptst
ari
ngatt
hetimeli
keitwasgonna
change.
"theyar
est
il
lnotback"zi
thasatbesi
deme,
shehadabowlofpopcornswithher.
Shesati
nthecouch.

Me:
not
heyar
enot
.

Her
:don'
twor
ryt
heywi
l
lbebacksoon.

Me:
ohk.

Her
:sowhatar
eyouwat
chi
ng.

Me:
anact
ionmov
ie.

Her
:ar
eyour
eal
l
ywat
chi
ngory
ourmi
ndi
stor
n
abouti
mi'
swher
eabout
s.

Me:
mxm am wat
chi
ng.

Her
:what
'st
hemov
ieaboutt
hen.

Ikeptqui
et,
trut
hisIwasn'
treal
l
ywatchi
ng,I
hadnoideawhatwasgoingoninthemovie.

Her:
don'twor
ry,
theywi
l
lbebacksoonsaf
e
andsound

Me:
IHopeso.

Wesatqui
etl
ywat
chi
ngt
hemov
ie.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#I
MINATHI

thefoodwassogood, Iconf
essInevert
asted
foodthat'
sscrumptiousinmyli
fe.If
ini
shed
ever
y t
hingAndaftereati
ngThabangordereda
nonalcoholi
cwine.
Thewai
terbroughti
tandIt
ookasi
p,i
ttast
ed
l
iker
eal
wi ne.
"sowhat'
sar
eyourpl
ansf
ornexty
ear"he
asked.

Me:
am goi
ngbackt
oschool
,Ineedt
ofi
nish
mymat
ric.

Him:wowt hat
sgreat
,Il
ovethefactt
haty
ou
arenotgiv
inguponeducat
ion.Sohowis
economicsnow.

Me:
sti
l
lhar
d,Iwi
l
lhav
etost
udyext
rahar
d.

Hi
m:don'
twor
ryIwi
l
lhel
pyou.
Her
Me:
how, youareher
eandwewi
l
lbegoi
ngback
t
onelspr
uitsoon.
Hi
m:WhatsApp,
wecancommunicat
evia
What
sAppandIwil
lhel
pyouwi
thever
ythi
ng.

Me:
thanky
ousomuch.

Hi
m: sowhatdoy
ouwannast
udyaf
tery
our
matr
ic.

Me:Iki
ndaenj
oyworki
ngwit
hmoneysoIdon'
t
knowmaybechat
ter
edaccount
ant
.

Hi
m: wowthat
sav er
ydif
fi
cul
tcour
se,
youhav
e
t
ostudyver
yhardhey.

Me:am Wil
li
ngt
ogivei
tmyall
,Atl
easti
fIdo
wel
lenoughImi
ghtgetabur
sary
.
Hi
m: y
eahyouareri
ght
,Iwil
lfor
wardy ousome
gr
ade12account
ingvi
deosthatIusedwhil
eI
wassti
ll
inhi
ghschool
.

Me:
thanky
ou,
youar
ethebest
.

Hi
m: Il
iketoseesomeonewhohasambi
ti
on,
I
wi
llhel
py oui
nwhateverwayIcan.

Me:
am sogr
atef
ul.

Icoul
dn'tst opsmi l
i
ng, Ihadn'
thadsomeone
whoact uallywasinterestedinmydreamsand
myst udies.YetherewasThabangheseemed
genuinel
yi nter
ested.Het oldmemor eaboutCA
andwhatt heydo.Het oldmet hathehada
fr
iendwhowor kedasaCA.
HIM:IcangetDuma( he'
sfri
end)t
otel
lyoual
l
aboutaccounti
ngandthejob,y
ouknow,j
ust
gi
vey ouabitofbackgr
ound.

Me:
thatwoul
dbeni
ce,
pleasedo,

Hi
m:Iwi
l
ltal
ktohi
m.

Abi
tofsi
l
encer
oamed.Wef
ini
shedupt
he
f
ood.

"soar
eyouseei
ngSomeone"hebl
urt
ed

Me:uhm no.Notfornow,am noti

nter
est
edi
n
hav
inganyrel
ati
onshipri
ghtnow
Hi
m:owh,
ohky
.Soy
ouar
enotr
eady
.

Me:
Sor
tof
.

Hecouldseet hatIwasuncomfor
tabl
ewitht
he
topi
csohedr oppedit.Wetal
kedaboutf
ood
andthefut
ure.
Her eallyhadhislif
efi
guredout.Hewas
buildingahouseandwaspl anni
ngtoopenhis
ownl awf i
rm,hewantedtogetmar r
iedayear
from now.Hewant edtohav ef
ourkidsanda
l
ov elyhomewhi l
eIsawnoneoft hatinmy
future.Ijustwantedtofi
nishschool
,getmy
degr eeandwor kmyassof .
Iwantedtobuil
dabi ghouseformysi st
erandi,
Iwantedtoprovi
decebowi t
hev er
ythingshe
wants.Iwant
edt omakeherhappy .May beaft
er
wefoundourmot hershewill
mov einwi thus.
Wewer egonnalivehappi
lyeveraf
ter.Wear e
gonnabeaf
ami
l
y.
Honestl
yIsawnomar ri
age,
kidsoranymanin
myfuture,
Ijustwant
edtobesuccessf
uland
t
akecareofmyf amil
y.
*
*
*
*
*
Wewer est
il
leati
ngwhenaguywal kedin.He
waswi thsomegi r
l.Damnt hegirl
lookedsohot .
Shewaswear i
ngat ornskinnyj
eanwi t
hawhi te
vestthatwastuckedi n,
ontopshehadal eather
biker
'sJacketandal eat
heranklebootheel .
Theguywassohandsome, hehadsexyChi na
eyes.Hewasal sowear i
ngat ornjeananda
whitegolfT-shi
rtwithJordans.
Thabangspot
tedt
hem andsmi
l
ed.

"what
,noway
,eySI
BU"Hecal
l
edout
.

Theguyspott
edhim.Hesmi
l
edandt
heymade
thei
rwaytowardsus.

"eybro,
whatt hef
uckarey
oudoingi
nthissi
de
oftown"Thabangsaidast
heyshookhands
andshoulderbumped.

"Iam onvacat
ion,
Ijustdecidedt
otakemy
fami
lyher
e"theguyanswer ed.

"wowyoulookgood,
Athenkosi
,unj
ani
sisi
"he
gr
eet
edthegir
l.
"hi
Thabang,
longt
ime"t
heyshar
edahug.

"youcanjoinus,t
hisismysist
er,I
MINATHI
,i
mi
thi
sisSibul
ele,
myf r
iendandhisFi
ance
Athenkosi
"Thabangsaid.

Me:
owhhi
guy
s,ni
cet
omeety
ou.

Ihuggedbot
hoft
hem andt
heysmel
l
edso
heavenl
y

Thet
ookseat
sandj
oinedus.

Apparentl
yThabangmetSibui
nwitbankwhen
hewast heremanagi
nghismother
'srestaurant
,
SibuandAt hewer
eregul
arsi
ntherestaurant,
theytal
ked
Andbecamegoodoff
ri
ends.

Il
ikedAthe,sheseemslikeagoodperson.She
wascool anddownt oeart
h.Shel
ikedsmili
nga
l
ot.Shetoldmeshehadasonbutherbodywas
sofine,
shedidn'
tlookli
keshegavebirt
h.

"wher
e'sl
uyol
o"t
habangasked.

Athe:he'
sincapet ownnow.He' sgett
ing
mar r
iednextyear,Ithoughtyouguy
skeptin
touchbecauseheal soboughtsomesharesi
n
yourmom' srestaurant.

Thabang:Ihear
d,mom t
oldmebutIl
osthi
s
contact
sandIhardl
ygotowit
banknow.
Athe:
youshoul
dcometotheweddi
ng,
sur
ely
hewouldl
ovefory
outobether
e.

Thabang:
thati
sifhe'
ssti
ll
notangryatmefor
thehi
tandrunIdidonherl
itt
lesi
sterMandy
,
howisshebytheway.

Athe:
muchbetternow,
shegotmarr
iedandhas
thr
eechi
l
dren.She'
sastayathomemom.

Thabang:
wowsomanyki
ds

Si
bu:y
ouknowshenev
ersai
dnot oboy
sso
whywon'
tshehav
esomanykids.
Am ev
ensur
pri
sedt
hatsheact
ual
l
yset
tl
ed
down.
Theyall
chuckl
ed,Iwast
alki
ngwithAt
heal
lthe
Whil
e,Ireal
l
yconnect
edwithher
.
WeexchangedNumber
s.Aft
erawhil
ewelef
t.
Leav
ingat
heandsibui
ntherest
aur
ant.
*
*
*

"Atheseemsl
i
keagr
eatper
son"Isai
dont
he
dri
vehome

Thabang:she'
sgreat,
Ioncehadacrushonher
,
i
nfactImadeamov enotknowi
ngthatshewas
dati
ngsibul
ele.

Me,
:l
olr
eal
l
y,sowhathappened.
Him:sher
eject
edme,shet
oldmet
hatshewas
engagedt
obemarri
ed.
Thent henextt
imeshecamewithsi
bul
elet
o
therestaur
antandIcoul
dn'
tbel
i
eveshewas
engagedt osi
bu.

Me:
itmusthav
ebeenar
eal
shock

Hi
m:itwas,
athei
sav
eryqui
etper
son.She'
s
gr
eat
.

Me:
Inot
iced,
Iwi
l
lreal
l
ylov
etoknowherbet
ter
.

Wedrov
eall
thewayhomewi t
hhi
mtel
l
ingme
mor
eaboutAtheandsi
bul
ele.

Wegothomear
ound22:
00pm
Thel
i
ght
sint
hel
oungewer
est
il
lon,

"t
heyar
est
il
lnotasl
eep"Thabangsai
d.

Me:seemsli
kethat
,don'
ttel
lmet
heywer
est
il
l
wai
ti
ngforus.

Him:i
tsi
mpossibl
e,Itol
dmom t
hatwewere
gonnabelat
esotheyshoul
dgoAheadand
havedi
nnerwit
houtus.

Me:
owh

Wewal kedt
othedoor
,Thabangunl
ocked
becausehehadakey
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#SFI
SO.

Iheardthem gi
ggl
i
ngl
i
keki
dsout
side,
Iwasso
fur
ious.

"thatsoundssofunny"i
mi sai
dthemoment
shewal kedt
hroughthedoor.Shewasal
l
smiles.
"owhsf
iso,
youar
est
il
lup"shesai
d.

Me:Iam wat
chi
ngamov
ie,
wher
ear
eyouguy
s
comingf
rom

Thabang:wewentfordi
nneraf
terworkI
neededtothankimionajobwel
ldone,shedi
d
agreatj
obt oday
.

Hel
ookedatherproudlyandIgotpi
ssedof
f.
Whyweret
heyallsmilesall
ofasudden.

"damnam t
ir
ed"i
mit
ookof
fhershoes.

"wellIneedt
ofreshenupt
henfacemybed,"
Thabangwalkedaway,i
misatonthecouch
besi
desme

"hasev
ery
onegonet
obed"sheasked.

Me:
jah,
Zit
haj
ustl
eftt
hir
tymi
nut
esago.

Her
:owh.

Me:soyouandThabanghav
ebecomegood
buddi
esnow.

Her:notreal
ly
,hewasjustt
ryi
ngt
obeni
ceand
Icouldn'
ttur
nhim down.

Me:
owhIsee.
Her
:ar
eyouangr
y.

Me:
noAm not
.

Her
:buty
oul
ookupset
.

Me:Iwasjustwor
ri
edaboutyou,
Ithought
somethi
ngbadhadhappenedtoyou.

Her
:ncoohr
eal
l
y,y
oucar
ethatmuch.

Me:
of'
cozIdo,
Ilov
eyou.

Her
:am sor
ryIgoty
ouwor
ri
ed.

Shewasst
ari
ngatmeandIcoul
dn'
thel
pbut
gazei
ntoherey
es.Shereall
ywassobeaut
if
ul,
I
gotcl
osert
oherunti
lourli
pscol
l
ided.
Shebreat
hedheav
il
yasweshar
edal
ongwar
m
ki
ss.
*
*
*
*
*
*
Wit
hinminutestheki
ssgotheat
edup,
wewer
e
al
lovereachother
.

"Iloveyou"Iwhi
sper
edinherear,
shejust
respondedwithaver
ypassi
onatekiss.
Shet ookmyhandandpl aceditonherfi
rm
breast.Isqueezedi
tthenrubbedherhar
d
ni
ppl
e.

"ah,
,
,,
Iwantyou"hersof
tvoi
cewhi
sper
edon
myear.I
tsentchil
l
sdownmyspine.
Wekissedbr
ief
lyasshepl
acedherhandonmy
manhoodandmypr i
ncehar
denedonthespot
.
"pleasegetr
oughwit
hme"shepl
eaded.Her
eyesabitsmall
er.

Ir
ippedherdr
essapar
tandpl
ant
edf
ewki
sses
onherneck.

Ili
ft
edherupandweWentt omyroom,she
pushedmeont hebedandgotontopofme,she
roughl
ytookof
fmyv estandboxer
s.

Isuckedonherbr
easthungr
il
ywhi
l
emyf
inger
r
ubbedonherpussy
.

Shemoanedl oudl
y,Ipl
antedfewl
ovebit
eson
herneck,
shegotont opofmeandinser
tedmy
fi
rm di
ckinherwarm pussy.

Shestar
tedgr
indi
ngme,
lor
dIf
eltl
i
keIwasi
n
heav
en.
Shewentonf orawhil
e.Shewasroughandshe
act
uall
yhadtearsstr
eamingdownhercheeks
andshefuckedhardonme.

"hey
, ar
eyouohk,
shouldwestop"Isai
dtr
ying
tosi
tupbutshepi
nnedmebackdownand
cont
inueddoi
nghert
hingontopofme.

"ahhhhh,
,
,,
,ahhhhhh"shescr
eamedlouder,
whenshegott i
redIgotup,t
urnedherover
.She
bentov erandwasonallfour
,Ient
eredhi
m
from behind.Ist
art
edpoundi
ngonherroughly
asshekepti nstr
ucti
ngme.Ibangedherl
ikeno
tomor r
ow.
Ikeptsmacki
ngherf
ir
mroundass.

DeeperIt
hrust
edasIi
ncr
easedt
hepace.

Iwentall
inandshoveddeeper
,herf
inger
s
cl
utchedonthebedsheet
s.Igi
veinonehad
shoveandrel
easedinher
.

Isqueezedherbut
tocksasIr
eleasedal
lmy
cum insi
deher.
It
hencol
l
apsedont
hesi
de.

Shel
ayf
aci
ngmydi
rect
ion,
shewi
pedhert
ear
s
andsmi
l
edst
ari
ngdeepl
yinmyey
es

"t
hanky
ouf
ort
his"shef
inal
l
ysai
d

Ij
ustsmil
eAndkissedherforehead,
thent
he
ti
pofhernose,
unti
lIreachedhermouth,
"Il
ovey
ou"Isai
d.

Ibel
ieveshewasaboutt
osaysomet
hingwhen
thedoorswungopen.

"sfi
soIthoughtIhear
da..
..
"Shestoppedmi
d
sent
ence,herjawswereonthefl
oor.
Bot
himiandIjumpedi
nshock,
shi
tIf
orgott
o
l
ockthedoor
.

#admi
n
[
7/13,
18:
31]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYFI
FTYFOUR

#NARRATED

Nompi stoodatthedoorsickened,
herst
omach
turnedshefel
tli
kethrowi
ngup, sayi
ngshewas
disgust
edbythesightbeforeherwill
bean
underesti
mati
on.

"sf
iso,
imi
,whatt
hehel
li
sgoi
ngonher
e"she
managest
osay..
..

"mah,whatar
eyoudoinginmyr oom,you
coul
dhaveAtl
eastknocked"sf
isoanswered,
cl
ear
lymor
eshockedandscar
edofhi
smot
her
.

"mom itsnotwhaty
outhi
nk,wecameback
l
ateandIdidn'
twannadi
stur
bZit
ha,soI
deci
dedtosquatwit
hSfi
sofort
henight
"imi
stut
ter
ed.

Nompigaveheradi
rt
ylook,
itsobv
iousshe
di
dn'
tbel
ieveawordshesai
d.
Sfi
so:youshoul
dhav
eknocked,
whydi
dyou
j
ustbadgeinher
e.

"heee,
umhlolophel
alo!(Shecl
appedher
handsonce)Ishoul
dhaveknockedsothat
ngi
ngazobonalamanyal
aeniwenzayo.
Sfi
soIt houghtyouwerebet
tert
hanthis,
what
areyoudoi ngwithher
,Imeanyouknowher
"si
tuat
ion"y ety
ouwentaheadandsleepwit
h
her
.
Ar
ey oucr
azy,doyouwannadi
eofUnknown
di
seases"nompisai
d.

Sf
iso:
mahst
opi
t,don'
ttal
kaboutherl
i
ket
hat
.
Il
ovei
mi andIwannaspendt
her
estofmyl
i
fe
wi
thher
.

Withthatsai
dsfi
sotookimi'
shandand
squeezeditgent
ler
eassur
ingheroft
helov
ehe
hasforher.

"what,youarecrazy
,Iwil
lnotall
owy out
o
thr
owy ourfut
ureaway,Nell
yisagoodgirlf
or
you.Thi
sgirli
scursed,
Iwillnotal
lowyouto
bri
ngcursesint
omyhouse.
Andwenanondi
ndwa,stayawayf
rom myson,
andwhat
everl
ovepor
tionyougav
etohim
r
ever
sei
t.
Whateveryourplansare,t
heywi l
lnotwor
k,I
won'
tallowy outorui
nmyson' sl
if
e"nompi
char
gedt othebedsher emov edthebl
anket
s
fr
om imi l
eavinghernakednessexposed.

"
Sies!
"Shespatonhernakedbody
.
"
Takey ourfi
lt
hysel
fandleav
emyson' sr
oom
r
ightnowbef or
eIcal
lmysisterandshowher
whatadirtyhoeyouar
e"shecontinued.

I
miattemptedtogetof
fthebedbutSf
isohel
d
ont
ighttoherhand.

"sf
isol
ethergo"nompi
shout
ed

Sf
iso:
nomom,
Ilov
eimi
,Ican'
tl
eav
ewi
thout
her,
shecompl
etesme,
Iwi
l
lnotal
l
owy
out
o
tr
eatherl
i
ketr
ash

Nompi :sf
isol
etthi
sgirlgonoworam calli
ng
phi
ndiletoseethi
s.Heav enknowsifmysister
get
st oknowaboutt hi
sshewi ll
chaseyouout
ofherhouse,youandy ourli
tt
lesist
erwi
ll
hav e
noplacetostayisthatwhatyouwant

I
miqui
ckl
yshookherhead.

Sfiso:
ifncanechasest
hem outt
henIwi
l
ltake
them in.

Nompi
:i
ntowhi
chhouse,
notmyhouse.
Sf
iso:
Ihaveaplace,
am wi
l
li
ngt
oloose
ev
eryt
hingf
orher.
Nompi
:ev
eny
ourf
ami
l
y.

Sf
isokeptqui
etf
orawhi
l
e

"
It
'sf
ine,
Iwi
l
lst
ayaway
"imi
sai
d

Sfi
so:
no,
pleasedon'
tsayt
hat
,don'
tgi
veupon
us.

I
mi :am sor
rybutyourmom i sright
,wecan'
tbe
together
,am damaged,andy oudeserveagood
gir
l.Am notthatgi
rl
,Ican'tdothis,
Ican'
tl
oose
myhomebecauseoft his.Am sosor r
y

Wit
hthatsai
dimipickeduphercl
othesand
r
ushedout,whenshegotint
hehall
wayshe
worehercl othes,shecouldhearsfisogoing
backandf ourthabouther,onethi
ngwas
cry
st alcl
eart hough,nompi di
dn'
tl
ikeher,she
want ednot hi
ngt odowithher.Shet al
kedabout
herasi fshewassomebr okenthi
ngt hat
couldn'tbef i
xed.

Tearsst
unghereyesasshel
ist
enedtonompi
badmouthi
ngher.Shewasst
il
ldrowni
nginher
sorr
owswhenthedooropened,nompiwal
ked
out.

"youarest
il
lhere,
whatar
eyoust
il
ldoi
ngher
e"
sheaskedfi
rmly
.

I
mi:
sor
ryma,
Iwasj
ustaboutt
oleav
e.

Sheat
tempt
edt
owal
kawaybutwaspul
l
ed
backroughl
ybynompi whohel
donti
ghtand
fi
rmlyonherwri
stsqueezi
ngher.
Shepul
l
edhercl
oser
.

"li
stentomecar efull
y,stayawayf rom myson.
Idon'tknowwhi chgamesy ouar epl ayingbutI
will
notal l
owy outot earmyf amilyapar tli
ke
yourmom di d.Leav esfisoalonei fy ouknow
what '
sgoodf oryou.BecauseIpr omi seyou, i
f
youdon' tl
eav e,Iwillmakey ouralreadypat heti
c
l
ifemor emi serable,Iwillmakesur emysi ster
chasey ouout ,backi ntothest reetsandam
damnsur eyouar esmar t,youWoul dn'twanna
seey ousisterhomel essagai nwoul dy ou"imi
shookherheadasnompi whisperedi nherear .
"goodgi r
l,am happyweunder st
andeach
other"nompilethergo,i
miwi pedhertear
sand
rubbedheralreadyredwri
st,Lordknowsher
heartwasshat ter
edint
othousandpieces.
*
*
*
*
*
Nompi walkedbackt oherr oom,shereal l
yfel
t
disgust
edbutmost l
yscared.Whywoul dhis
onlysonfallforthisgirl
.Shewashur t,and
afrai
d.Shedidn'twanthersonany wher enear
thatdaughterofahal lot,
shev i
vi
dly
remember edhav ingsleeplessni
ght,cryingfor
hoursasshel ist
enedt oherhusbandf ucki ng
l
indiweint hecar .
Hesleptwithherrightinthegarage,sheheard
them gi
ggli
ng.Nompi di
dn'tunderst
andhow
thei
rrut
hlessaffai
rstarted.Al
lsheknewi sthat
sheoncecaughtl i
ndiweandherhusbandi n
thei
rmatrimonialbed.Sheswal l
owedhardas
theshal
lowr esponseshegotwhenshe
confront
edherhusbandr angintohisears"
stopwhining,y
oushouldbegl adthatli
ndiweis
doingYourjobforyou.Ican'
thelpmy sel
f,she'
s
waybet t
erinbedthanyouev erwil
lbe"hesaid
toherproudlyastheyhadav erygruesome
argument

Itwasclearthatnhlakalovedli
ndi
webecause
sheall
owedhi mt ounleashhisdarksi
de,she
all
owedt hekinkytoys,handcuf
fs,
andthe
beati
ngdur i
ngsex .
Clearl
yshedidn'tmindt heroughnessandpai n
thatcamewi thitall
.Whi l
enompi couldnever
got osuchlength,shecouldn'thandl
et hebrutal
ass-whippi
ngandchoki ng.Shewasj ustnott he
kinkypersonwheni tcamet osexwhi chdrov e
nhlakafurt
herintoli
ndiwe'sarms.

Sher
emember
edhowherhusbandwi
l
lcome
backsmell
i
nglikeahoehouse,andwhenshe
conf
ront
shim,hewouldgetall
v i
olentandbeat
heri
ntoapulp.
Thingsgotworseont hoser andom dayswher e
l
indiwewouldrefusehim sex.Thenhewoul d
comehomear avingmonst er,hewouldf or
ce
himselfonnompi,getroughwi thher,chokeher
andt ookoutal
lhisrageonher .

Nompi wipedheart ears,sher eall

yhadbeen
throughhel lBecauseofl indiwe, andshewi l
lnot
all
owheronl ysont odat el i
ndiwe' sdaughter,
besidesev entuall
ythet r
ut hwi llcomeoutabout
whatr eal
lyhappenedt olindiwe, andt hatmight
destroyedt hei
rfrui
tlessrel ati
onshi p.Sheknew
thatoncet het r
uthcomesouti mi mightresent
sfi
so, af
terallsinsoft hef atherv eryoftenvi
sit
s
thekids.
Shelayawakealmostt
hewholenightt
hinki
ng
aboutever
ythi
ngshehadbeenthr
oughbecause
ofli
ndi
we.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

#SFI
SO
Iwasl ef
tspeechl
essandspooked,
howcouldI
haveforgott
entolockthedoor
.Thi
sisnothow
Ithoughtourrel
ati
onshi
pwouldbeknown.

Ikeptstaringattheceili
ng, Icoul
dn'tstop
thi
nkingaboutmyI mi,goshi sitpossibl
etofal
l
thi
shardf orsomeone.Iknewf orsurethatI
wouldn'tlethergo.Mom cant hreat
enusunt i
l
heavenf allsbutIcannev erbeapartf r
om imi
.I
l
oveher ,shei smywor ldandqui tefrankl
yIwas
wil
li
ngt oloosemyf amilyforher.Shewast he
gir
lIwant edt omarry

Icl
osedmyey
esand
Reli
vedthemomentwehadear l
ier,i
tfel
tgreat
havi
ngherinmyar ms.Inhal
ingherscent ,
feel
inghersof
tlipsonmine.Car essi
ngher
warm gentl
eskin.I
tsur
elyfeltl
ikeadr eam fora
moment .I
tshardtodenythis.IloveherandI
wi
l
lgot
oanyl
engt
htokeepher
.
Mom cangoaheadandr atusout ,
ifncane
chasesthem outthenIwill
takethem in,
Iwas
renti
ngaf l
atsotherewasnohust l
ethere.I
mightnotknowwhatt omor r
owhasf orusbutI
knowt hatatomorrowwithouti
mi isnotwort
h
l
ivingin.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

#I
MINATHI

Icareful
lygoti nbedfull
ydr essedasIwas.I
sobbedsi lentl
yasthewor dsshesai drangin
myear s,shecan' tt
ell
mom aboutt hi
s.Ican't
l
etmyact ionsmakeCebohomel essagain.I
can'
tbeliev esheinsul
tedmel i
kethat.Whatdid
shemeanwhenshesai dIwant edtoruinher
familyli
kemymom di d, whatdidmymom
real
lydo, surel
ythere'
sal otgoingonher e.I
needt ofi
ndmom sot hatshecanansweral l
thi
sunanswer edquestionsIhav e
*
*
*
*
Iguesst
hrought
hemazeofthought
sIf
ell
asl
eepbecausemyal
arm wokemeup.

Istr
etchedwideandy awn,Igotoutofbedwent
totakeaquickshower ,y
esterday'
sev
ent ssti
ll
playedinmyhead.Ifeltdown, i
twasclearthat
todaywasreall
ygonnabeal ongday.

WhenIgoti
ntheroom Zeewasal
readyup
br
owsi
ngthroughherphone

Me:
mor
ning

Her
:hey
.

SheputdownherphoneandIknewshewas
gonnadri
l
lmewithquest
ions.
"whendi
dyoucomebackl
astni
ght"sheasked.

Me:
notsur
e,Idi
dn'
tcheckt
het
ime.

Her
:andwher
ewer
eyou.

Me:Thabangt ookmet
odi
nnert
othankmef
or
aj
obwel ldone.

Her:mmmhohk,
sohet
akesoutev
ery
onewho
doesgood.

Me:
Idon'
tknow.

Il
oti
onmybody
.
Her
:what
'swr
ong,
youl
ookt
roubl
ed

Me:
itsnot
hing.

Her
:youknowyoucanneverl
ietomeright
,I
meanIcanseeri
ghtthr
oughyou.Youl
ook
bot
hered,
what'
seat
ingyouup.

Iworemyhighwai
stedbl
ackj
eanandawhi
te
root
edtop.

Her
:am wai
ti
ng.
..

Isatont
hebed
"well
..
..
.Lastni
ghtwhenIcamebacksfi
sowas
up,Idon'tknowwhatgotoverme.
..
Iwasjust
stupi
d,"Isaid.

Zee:ai
bowhathappened,di
dy ouguyski
ss
agai
n,wel
lthati
snotbeingstupi
d,i
tscal
led
l
ove.

Me:
wedi
dmor
ethant
hat
.

Zee:
what
!Omg.
..
omg.
.Yougav
ehi
mthecake.

Shewasal
lsmi
l
esj
umpi
ngont
hebedl
i
kea
toddl
er

"owhIcan'
tbel
i
evey ouguysdi
dthedeed"she
scr
eamed,cl
ear
lyhappyaboutwhatIj
ustsai
d
Her
:wowt
hisi
sgood.

Me:
yeahi
twasunt
ily
ourmom wal
kedi
nonus.

Zee:
ini
,how,whathappened,
whatdi
dshesay
,
wherewerey
ou.

It
oldherallaboutwhathappened.Andhowher
mom insul
tedmeandwar nedmeaboutstay
ing
awayfrom sfi
so.

"nowaygir
l,shedidthi
s"shewasr
efer
ri
ngt
o
mybrui
sedwr i
st.Ij
ustnodded.

Zee:am sosorr
yfr
iend,
sur
elyshewasjust
shocked,gi
vehert
imeshewill
comearound.
Me:Idoubtshewi
l
l,Idon'
twannasaythi
sbut
yest
erdayi
twasvi
vidl
yclear
,yourmom hat
es
me.

Zee:nofr
iend,hat
eisaveryst
rongword,IWi
l
l
tal
ktoher,sur
elyshewi
l
l comearound.

Me:
noy
oudon'
thav
etodot
hat
.

Zee:whati
fshet
ell
sncane,
youhav
etol
etme
tal
ktoher.

Me: Idon'
tthi
nkshewill
,besidesIhavedeci
ded
tostayawayfrom sf
iso,Idon'tt
hinkusdati
ng
i
sgood, Imeanwear eli
keaf amilyandIdon'
t
deservehi
m.
Zee:whatdoy oumeany oudon'
tdeser
vehim.
Sfi
soisagoodper sonandsoareyou.Youguy
s
areperf
ecttogether.Sf
isolov
esyouandIhave
seeniti
nhisey es.Theyli
tupwheneverhe
speaksofyou.

Me:
butdon'
tyout
hinkt
hisi
swei
rd.

Zee:l
oveal
way si
s,hel
ovesyouandthat'
sall
thatmat
ter
s,besi
deswearenotbloodrel
ated,
youguysar
eper f
ect
.

Me:
youmakei
tseemssoeasy
.

Zee:t
hat'
sbecauseIknowmybr
otheri
scr
azy
aboutyou.
Leav
emom t
ome,
Iwi
l
ltal
ktoher
.

Ikeptqui
et,
thet
rut
hoft
hemat t
eri
sthatI
real
lydi
dn'
tknowhowIf
eltatt
hatmoment.
If
eltnol
oveoranythi
ng,t
heonl
ythi
ngIsawon
sf
isowashist
allst
ernbodyandhi
skil
l
ersmi
le
Icouldn'tgetthesightofhi
ssexybodyoutof
mymi nd,hereall
ywashandsomeand
charmi ng.
..
.
ButdoIlov
ehim.
..
..
Ireal
l
ydi
dn'
tknow.Iwas
emptyandIdi
dn'
tknowhowtofi
llt
hevoidt
hat
wasinsi
deme.
Lor
dknowsIdidn'
twannahur
tSf
isobutIhad
noideahowt
olovehim.

#admi
n.
Iknowi t
'sbeenl
ong,it
swor k,
thenther
ewasa
tr
aditi
onalweddi
ngov ertheweekendsoI
couldn'
twrit
e.Ngyaxol
isaguys
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYFI
FTYFI
VE

#I
MINATHI

Around7: 00am wel eftforwor k.Iwasqui etal

l
theway .Thabangkepti nterr
ogat ingmebutI
didn'tgivehim anyanswer s,
insteadIaskedhi m
i
fwel eavet hehouseal it
tlebitear l
ierandhe
didn'tgivemeaf uss.Sof orthenextf ewdays
wel eftear l
yandwoul dcomebackl ate.I
twas
betterthisway ,icoul
dn'tfacesf isoorhi s
mot herandIwasscar edbecauseshemi ght
havet oldmom aboutwhathappened.
"thi
sistheev i
denceTom found"Ipl
acedtheti
ll
sl
ipsinThabang'sdesk,i
tssti
llt
hecustody
case,sofarthi
ngsseemst obegoingverywell
.
Wegoti nf
ormat i
onthatt
hewoman' shusband
sl
eepswi t
hmi nors,
whichisstat
utor
yrapein
ourcountry
,anditswayagainstthel
aw.

Thabang:
thanky
ou,
youf
il
edal
lthepaper
si
gaveyou.

Me:
yes,
am done.

Thabang:
pleaseputthem saf
ely
,wewi
l
lneed
them t
omorrowincourt.

Me:
yessi
r.
Thabang:
Itol
dyout
ost
opcal
l
ingmet
hat
,

Me:
butwhy
,ev
ery
bodycal
l
syout
hat
.

Thabang:
Youar
enotever
ybody
,it
sjustsounds
weir
dwhenyousayi
t.

Me:
lol
..
.Iwi
l
lcal
lyoubosst
hen.

Thabang:
y oucanj
ustcal
lmebymyname,
besi
desIlovehowyoupronouncei
t.

Ismi
l
enotknowi
nghowt
orespondt
othat
.

"y
ouhav
etheemostbeaut
if
ulsmi
l
e"hesai
d.
Me:
thanky
ou.
Ilookedaway
,al
ongdr
eadedawkwar
dness
tookover.

"uhmmm"hecl ear
edhi
sthr
oatandgotup
fr
om hi
schai
r,hemadehiswaytowar
dsme

Hegotcl oser,
andstoodi
nfrontofme,hi
stal
l
broadbodyi nt
imi
datedme,Iwasshort
,Icoul
d
rarel
yreachhischi
n.

Icoul
dfeel
hiswar
m br
eat
heonmyf
ace.

"y
our
eal
l
yar
ebeaut
if
ul"hewhi
sper
ed

"t
hanky
ou"Isai
dsof
tl
y,myhi
pswer
eagai
nst
thedesk,
Iwant
edtoshi
ftbutt
hedesk
prev
entedandmov
ements.Hewassocloset
o
me.
Oureyesmet,
Inot
icedhowsmal
landr
edhi
s
eyeswere.

Hegotcloserandfi
nall
yourl
ipsmet ,wekissed
forthel
ongestti
me,Icoul
dfeelthemi nt
ytaste
i
nhi smouth.Hewasagoodki sserbutnotas
greatasSfi
so.

TheKi ssgotsoi
ntense,hecuppedmyfi
rm
breastinhi
shandandr ubbedonmynippl
e,i
gotwetr i
ghtatt
hatinst
ant,Iwant
edhi
m onthe
spot,

Heli
ft
edupmybluedr essandmywhi
tel
ace
pant
ywaslef
texposed.
"damnyousexy"hewasst
ari
ngatmybody
,he
l
ickedhi
sli
pshungri
l
y.

Icoul
dseehi
sbul
ger
ightt
hroughhi
sbl
ack
chi
no.
Heendeduptaki
ngoffmydress,wedi
dn'
tcar
e
aboutany
bodywalki
ngi
nonus, i
twaslat
e,
ever
yonehadl
eftt
heoffi
ce.

Heunhookedmybr aandtossedi
tont
hefloor
,I
unbutt
onedhistrouser
,lor
dknowsIwant
ed
hi
mt hereandthen

Hebentandrubbedmycl
i
t,Icoul
dn'
thel
pbut
moanindel
ight,
damnhewasgoodwi t
hHis
f
inger
.
"Iwantust otr
ysomer ol
eplayi
ng,ist
hatohk"
hesaid,Inodded.Iwasli
kealostpuppy
submitt
ingtoitsmaster
.Hewentt ohi
sfil
i
ng
cabi
net,tookoutsomehandcuffsandawhi p
wit
haki nkyoutfi
t.

"pl
easeputt
hison"heor
dered"Ihav
ealways
i
magineyouweari
ngthi
sforme"headded.

Iputont heli
tt
leBl
ackleatherdr
ess,i
twasso
shorti
tleftmybuttexposed.Mycleavage
prot
rudedt hr
oughit
,Iworemyheel s.

"nowt hat
'smorel
ikeit,
showmewhaty ou
have"hesatonthethreesi
tt
ercouch,Istoodin
fr
ontofhim andst
arteddanci
ngprovocativel
y.

"f
uck"hehi
tont
hecouch,
hiscobr
awasway
up,
isatonhi
slapsandr
ubbedonhi
sdi
ckwi
th
myass.
DamnIwasl
i
keapor
nst
arandIenj
oyedt
his.

Het
ri
edt
ohol
dmedownbutIgotup.

"you'
vebeenaver
y..
ver
ybadboy
"Iwhi
sper
ed
befor
ewalki
ngaway.

"damnpl
easepuni
shmemom"her
esponded.

Itookthewhi
pandhandcuf
fsont
hedesk,
I
twerkedabi
tbef
oreiwentt
ohim.

Istar
tedki
ssi
nghi
m hungr
il
ythencuf
fedbot
h
hishands
"kneel
"ior
der
ed

"yespuni
shme"heknel
tandorder
edmeto
whiphi
sass.Iwasi
ncontr
olandIl
ovedev
ery
bi
tofit
.

Afterwhippi
nghimforsever
alti
mes,
Ipushed
hi
m ont heground,
facedup,It
ookof
fhis
tr
ouser ,
sli
dinacondom t
hentookof
fmy
pantiesandgotont
opofhim.

Ii
nser
tedhi
sdi
ckandst
art
edr
idi
nghi
m,
Hemoanedandseet
hedasIrode,
Iwasr
ough,
t
hat
'showIenj
oyedmysex.

"shit
..
..
fuckam aboutt
ocum"hesqui
rmed,
I
stoppedanduncuffedhi
m
"Iwantyoufr
om behind"wit
hthatsai
dIwasin
al
lfour,i
madesurethatmypussywasexposed,
heplacedonacondom befor
ehewentin

Iscr
eamedonhi
sfi
rstshaf
t,damnhewasbi
g.

Hewentinandout,"berough"Iinst
ruct
ed,asif
hewantedt
hat,hethrust
edverydeepitfel
tli
ke
mywombwast ear
ing,hehi
tharderonmy
wal
lsandallIt
houghtaboutatthatti
mewas
mystepfat
herandhowheusedt ohurtme.

"str
angl
eme"Isai
dandheobeyedheplaced
hi
shandsaroundmyneckandsqueezedwit
h
eachstr
oke.

Il
ovedt
his,
thepai
n,t
hecont
rol
,i
tmademe
feelwhole,
Iwantedthepaini
nsexnott
he
pleasur
e,Iwantedtobehurti
nmyownt er
ms,
i
nmyownt wi
stedway,t
hiswastheonl
ywayI
couldtakebackmypower .

"Spankme"i sai
dandheobl i
ged,
hewasr ough
anddi dn'
thaveAnymercyonme, hesat
isfi
ed
memor ethansfi
sodi
d,hewentalli
n,hedidn'
t
careabouthurti
ngmewhi chwaswhatI
enjoyed.

Af
terawhi
l
eoft
hatr
oughnesswebot
hcum.
*
*
*
*
*
*
"youwer
egood"hesai
d,wer
eal
readyonour
wayhome.

Me:
andy
ouwer
enott
oobady
our
sel
f

Hesmi
l
ed,
hekeptst
ari
ngatme.

"what
"Iasked.

Hi
m:Ist
il
lwanty
ou

Me:
owhr
eal
l
y

(
Ibr
ushedhi
sdi
ckwi
thmyhand)
Hi
m:damny
ouar
enotmaki
ngi
teasy
.

"wearenotinanyhurr
y"Isai
d.Hefounda
per
fectspotandpar
kednearther
oad.
Wehadanot
herheat
edr
oundi
nthecarbef
ore
wedr
ovehome.
*
*
*
Wegothomet
hel
i
ght
sint
hel
oungewer
est
il
l
on.
Thabangunl
ockedt
hedoorandwewal
kedi
n.
Sf
isowasi
nthel
oungewat
chi
ngTV

"hi
"igr
eet
edwi
thoutl
ooki
ngathi
m
Sf
iso:
hi

Ist
oodther
eashamed,hewasst
ari
ngandIf
elt
l
ikeheknewwhatIj
ustdi
d.

"am warmingmyfood,
shoul
dIwar myour
s"
Thabangcall
edoutf
rom t
heki
tchen.

Me:not
hanks,
am nothungr
y,Ij
ustneedabat
h
andAbed.

"weneedtotal
k,youcan'tav
oidmef
orev
er"
Sf
isosai
djustasIwalkedaway.

Icont
inuedwal
ki
ngwi
thoutanswer
inghi
m

Iheadedst
rai
ghtt
otheshower
,tookof
fmy
cl
othesandgoti
n,Iwant
edt
owasht
hesex
scentaway
.

Myey eswer
ecl
osedwhent
hebat
hroom door
opened.

Iqui
ckl
yopenedt
hem.

"f
uck.
..
whatar
eyoudoinghere"i
tri
edhi
ding
myexposedbr
eastandpunani

"youdon'twannatalkt
ome, whatdoyou
expectmet odo,i
mi weli
veinthesamehouse
butIhaven'
tseeny ouf
orthepastfi
veday
s,
whyarey ouavoi
dingme"hesaid.

Me:
can'
twet
alkaboutt
hiswhenam doneher
e
Hi
m: no,
Iknowyouwon'
ttal
k,pl
easedon'
tdo
t
his,
Ilov
eyou.

Me:sfi
sostopplease,
whatify
ourmom wal
ks
i
nonus, Idon'
twannaloosemyhomebecause
oft
his.

Him: i
miIl
oveyou,
Ican'
tst
opthinki
ngabout
you.Iwantyoui
nmylif
e,pl
easeall
owmet obe
yours.

Me:
fisowecan'
t,
Ican'
t.

"pl
ease"hewalkedtowar
dst
heshowerand
goti
nful
lycl
othedashewas.
"whatAreyoudoi
ng,
youwi
l
lbewet
"I
excl
aimed.

Him:Idon'
tcar
e,not
hingmat
ter
swhenam wi
th
you.

"thi
si scompl etemadness.I .
..
."Hesmashed
hisl
ipsonmi nebef oreIcouldfini
shmy
sentence,heki ssedmeni ceandsl owl
y,andt he
waterst ar
tedrunningpour i
ngonus.I t
slikewe
wereki ssi
ngint herain.
..
.Irespondedtot he
ki
ss, butIcouldn'tall
owittogoanyf urt
her
becauseIhadj usthadsexwi thThabang.

"Iloveyou,andIseeafutur
ewi t
hyousunshi
ne.
Am wi l
l
ingtolooseever
ythi
ngforyou"he
whispered,andfort
heveryfi
rstt
imehisvoi
ce
sentchil
lsdownmyspi ne.
Me:
butwecan'
t.
..
..

Hi
m:shhhhh(heplacedhi
sindexfi
ngeronmy
mout
h)pleaseal
l
owmet oloveyou.

Weconti
nuedkissi
ng,
hesqueezedmybreast
andimoaned,
heplantedf
ewkissesonmy
neck.
Hewasgoi
ngdownandIqui
ckl
ystoppedhi
m
andgav
ehi
m aver
yint
ensebl
owjobinst
ead.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#SFI
SO.

"spendtheni
ghti
nmyr oom"isaid,wewere
al
readyoutoft
hewater,
ItookoffmyWet
cl
othesandshewrappedatowelaroundher
.

Her
:noIcan'
t,
that
'sabadi
dea

Thefl
atnessinhervoicewasreal
,shecoul
dn'
t
evenl
ookatme, it
slikeshewashiding
somethi
ngfrom me.

Me:
whynot
,mom i
sasl
eepnow,
Ipr
omi
sewe
won'
tdoany
thi
ng.Ij
ustwannahol
dyoui
nmy
ar
ms.

Her:pl
easedon'
tdot
his,
don'
tmaket
hings
di
ff
icul
t

Me:isl
ovingyoumaki ngthi
ngsdif
fi
cult
.Ican'
t
copewit
houty ouimi,
y oudr
ivemeinsane,I
can'
tst
opt hi
nkingaboutyou.Ij
ustcan'
tlety
ou
be

Shelookedatmet henlookedaway ,
Ikept
stari
ngather.Ijustwantedtohol
dherand
reassureherthatIwil
lalwaysbethereforher
,I
wishedshecoul dseethatmyhear tbeatsonl
y
forher.GoshwhywasIsot akenbyher .I
nher
presencenothingelsematter
ed.
ButhowdoIgethert
oseet
hatherabsencei
s
ki
l
li
ngmesl
owl
y.
IwantherandIwi
l
lrat
herdi
ethanl
i
vingal
i
fe
wit
houther.

"am sorryIcan't
,Iwil
lseey outomorr
ow,
goodnight"withthatsaidshewalkedout
l
eavingmeWi t
hashat teredheart
.

Af
terpull
i
ngmy selft
oget
herIwalkedoutand
myheartnearl
yst oppeduponseeingmy
motherstandi
ngont hehall
way

"umthet
howakhoawuf
uni
ukul
alel
asf
iso"she
sai
d.

"mom pl
easedon'tst
art
,shedoesn'
twantme,
soyouwi
n"Iwalkedaway .
"sfi
so!Sfiso!Comebackher e"shecall
edout
butIjustconti
nuedwalking.Igoti
nmyr oom
andslammedt hedoorthenthrewmy sel
fonthe
bed

Whydoesl
ovehur
tthi
smuch.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#NARRATED

Nompigoti
nherroom,shefur
iousl
ytookher
phoneandwrot
eatextmessage.

"that'
sit,am goingtotell
ourkidswhatreal
ly
happenedt olindiwe"shesenttoherhusband
andtossedt hephoneont hebed,shepaced
aroundt heroom withherbloodboili
ng.Her
phoner ang.
Sheanswer
edont
hesecondr
ing.

"owh,
nowy
oucal
l
"shesai
d.

Nhl
aka:
whatthehel
lNompi
l
o,ar
eyoucr
azy
,
ar
eyoutest
ingme.
Her:noNhlaka,
Ihavehar
bour
edenough
shameforyou,i
tsti
meyougetexposedf
or
whatyoudi
d.YouareaMonsterandIthi
nki
ts
ti
mepeopleseethat.

Him:youkeepforget
ti
ngthati
fyouexposeme
youwillal
sogodown, y
oukneweveryt
hingand
youkeptquiet
,youwereanaccompli
cetowhat
happened.

Her:
Idon'
tcare,Ihav
elocat
edPatri
ckandIwi
ll
makehim conf
ess,iwil
lmakesur
eheturnson
you.

Him:seemsli
keyouhav
ef or
gott
enwhoiam,
t
radecaref
ull
yoryouwi
llendupli
kel
i
ndi
we.
Her
:ist
hatat
hreat
.

Him:noi
tsapromi
se,nowswi
tchof
fthatl
i
ght
andgotobed,
andowh, y
oust
il
ll
ooksexyi
t
thatr
edl
aceni
ghty
..
..

Nompit
ossedt
hephoneont
hebedf
rozenwi
th
f
ear.
Whatthehell
,wasnhlakawatchi
nghim.She
qui
ckl
yturnedofft
helightandsatonthebed
wit
hherkneesshakinguncontr
oll
abl
y.

#admi
n

BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYFI
FTYSI
X
#NARRATED

cebokeptt
ossi
ngandt
urni
ng,
shewascr
ying
andwassweaty.
Herki
ckswoket
hepeacef
ull
ysl
eepi
ngPhi
ndi
.

"cebo.
..
.cebowakeup"phi
ndi
shookher
.

"mah!
"Shesatupandlookedaround,
herhear
t
waspoundi
ngoutofherchest
.

Phi
ndi
:what'
swr
ong,
youwer
ecr
yingi
nyour
sl
eepagai
n.

"i
tsadr
eam.
..
.Itwasj
ustadr
eam "shesai
d.
Phi
ndi
:whathappened.

Cebo: Iwasalone,Iwasal lalone,imiwasgone

andy oualsohadfor sakenmeandIwasal one
trappedinadarkroom, ther oom wassost inky
,
therewassomeonet here,therewer epeopl
e
talki
ngbutIcouldn'tseet heirface,all
Iheard
wasav oi
ceofawoman, shesoundedscar ed
andwasbeggi ngforf or
giveness, shewas
beggingforherli
fet obespar ed.
Shewascr
yingsobi
tt
ermama.

Phi
ndi
:di
dyouseet
hewoman.

Her:
no,
buthervoi
cesoundedfamiliar
,Iwasso
scar
edf
orher,
itsl
i
keIknewher ,al
thoughit
wasdar
kandIcouldn'
tseebutIswearIknew
her
.

Phi
ndi
:thi
sIsst
range,
whocoul
dshebe.

Her:
IwishIknew,ev
eryt
hingf
eltsor
eal
,i
tsl
i
ke
Ir
eall
ywit
nessedsuch.

Phindi
:sowhathappenedaf
terhercr
ies,
did
theyspar
eher.

Her:
Idon'
tknow,
Ial
way
swakeupbef
oret
he
end.

Phi
ndi
:l
et'
shopei
tsj
ustadr
eam.

Her
:ummhy
eah.
..
.Let
'sgobackt
osl
eep.
Phi
ndi
:ni
ghtdear
.

Her
:ni
ghtmah.

Theybothwentbackt osl
eep,Cebofacedthe
otherdi
rect
ion,shewasn'
treal
l
yasleep,r
ather
shewasscar ed.
Fi
rsti
twastheconfusi
ngfl
ashbacksandnow
i
tsthi
sdream,whatwasreal
lygoi
ngon.
Maybesheshoul dhavetoldhermom aboutt he
fl
ashbacksshekepthav i
ng..
.i
nherflashbacks
shekeepsseeingthatroom withareddoor .I
ts
l
ikeshehadbeeni nsi
de,it
sal l
abithazy .She
seesherstepf
atherandMrnkosi ,i
tsli
ket hey
werearguingi
nthatroom.Ont hefl
oorwasa
woman, shecan'
tseeherf ace,shecan'tclearl
y
seeher.
"may beIshoul
dtel
li
mi aboutt
hisf
lashbacks"
shethoughttoher
sel
f,butqui
ckl
ydismissed
the
Thoughtuponreali
singt
hatshehasn'tseenor
spokentoimiforal
mostaweeknow.Si nceshe
star
tedworki
ngshehasbeendi stanci
nghersel
f
fr
om her.I
tsl
iketheyaredr
ift
ingapart.
Shecan'tremembert helastt i
meshehada
descentconversati
onwi thher.Ifonlysheknew
thatt
herewassomuchshewant edtot ellher
.
Somuchshewant edt oshar ewi t
hherabout
herli
feandst uff
.Shemi ssedt hei
rsisterlybond.
Nowt heyarel i
kestranger s.Shewonder edif
i
mi wasleavingear l
yf orwor kjusttoav oidher

May
beshewast
ir
edofhav
ingherasasi
ster
Ceboquicklywipedthedr
opoftear
st hat
escapedfrom herey
es.Shef
eltsoaloneand
unwanted

May beiftheirmom wasar oundthi

ngswoul d
sti
llbefi
ne, i
mi wouldn'
thavebeenraped,she
woul dsti
l
l bethatbubbl
ychattybigsi
stershe
knew.Theywer egonnabet hebestsi
stersand
theebestoff ri
ends
Theywer egonnatal
kaboutany
thi
ng,shewoul
d
tel
lheraboutLucky,
themosthandsomeguyin
herclassandthemassiv
ecrushshehadOn
him
Shewasgonnat ellheraboutGi naandher
meanfri
ends,theywer ealwaysmeant owards
her
.Shewasunpopul arandquietsothemean
gi
rl
salwaysfoundawayt oshyherdown.Just
bef
oreschoolclosedt heypouredwateronher
cl
aimi
ngitwasami stake.Sheknewi twasn'
ta
mi
stake,
theyal
way
sdonast
yst
ufft
oher
"howdoesitfeel
tohaveasist
erwhohasbeen
gangr
aped"theyalway
steased
shehear
dther
idi
cul
eint
hei
rvoi
cesTher
ewer
e
makingf
unofher
.

Howshewishshecanshar
ethegl
ori
ous
memori
eswithher
ThedayLuckyspoketoher
,itwasthegreat
est
dayever
,thegr
eaterpar
twasthatheknewher
name,henoti
cedher.

Alt
houghi twasn'tagr
eatdeal
,hewasjust
congr
atulatingheronhersci
encepr
ojectwhi
ch
sheactuallyaced.
Heev
ensmi
l
edather
.
I
twasn'
tsomet
hingbi
gbuti
twasast
art
.
It
st hoset i
nymoment sthatyouwannashar e
withy ourlov edonesy etatthi
spoi ntshe
wonder edi fsheev enhadasi sterorshewas
i
ndeedal laloneandf orsaken.ThroughThe
mi dstofitall,sheshutherey esandt ri
edtoget
somesl eep.Hopi ngthatthegruesome
nightmar ewon' tcomeback.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#SETH
Granny'
sfuner
alcameandpassed, itwasso
painf
ulandsad.Mom wouldstil
lshedtear
s
whenevershethoughtshewasalone.Ihaven'
t
spokenorsawLer at
osinceourphonecall
.
Ithasbeenquiet
,Imissedimiandshewasstil
l
notbackfrom KZN,Ialwaysstal
kheron
Facebook,sheseemst obeenj
oyingherv
isi
t,I
couldtel
lbythepict
uressheposted.

Itwasaroundmi ddayandIwasj ustchil

li
ngin
myr oom li
steni
ngtosomemusi c.Iwasn'
t
real
lyli
steni
ngIwasj ustsummoni ngenough
couragetocalli
mi.Imi ssedherandIreall
y
wantedtohearherv oice.

"fucki
t"It
ookmyphoneanddial
ledher
number,i
trangt
wicebef
oresheanswer
ed.
Her
:hel
l
o.
Me:
hey
,.
..
hii
mii
tsSet
h
Her
:owhSet
h,hi
,howar
eyou.
Me:
am notr
eal
l
yfi
ne.
Her
:owh,
whynot
Me:mygr
annypassedawayaweekbackandI
mi
ssyou
Her
:owhmygod,
whathappened
Me:
sheWassi
ck.

Her
:am sosor
ryaboutt
hat
.AndImi
ssy
out
oo.

Iguessthatcaughtmebysur pr
isebecauseI
chokedonmysal ivaandcoughedviol
entl
y.

"uhm.
..Am sor
ry,
didy
ouj
ustsayy
oumi
ssed
met
oo"Iwant
edt
over
if
y.

Her
:of
'cozIdo,
Imi
ssy
ouandmyf
ri
ends.

Me:
wow.

Her
:what
.

Me: nothi
ng,it
sr eal
l
ynicet
obemi ssedbyyou,
Ithoughtyouhat edmebecauselastti
meIsent
youat extyourresponsewasrat
herharsh.

Her:am sorr
yaboutt hat
,Iwasjustunderalot
ofstressbutam finenow,andbesidesIwas
angrybecausey ouwenttoPret
oriathenyou
stoppedcall
ing.It
slikey
oustoppedcaring.
Me:
pleasef
orgi
veme,
Iwasaj
erk,
Iadmi
t

Her
:andIwasabr attogetangryaty
ouforthat
,
l
et'
smov eon,uhm look,Ihav
et ogo,
mylunch
i
sover,
Iwillcal
lyoulatersothatwecantal
k.

Me:
lunch,
arey
ouwor
king.

Her
:Iwi
l
lexpl
ainev
ery
thi
ngl
aterby
e..

Shehungup.Iwasall
smilesbythetimethe
call
ended,
Imeanshehasnev erbeenthi
scivi
l
eversi
nceicamebackfr
om Pretori
a.
Iguessshehadanewper
spect
iveonl
i
fenow.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#NQOBI
LE

Iwasint helaundr yr oom placingtheclothesin

themachi ne, Iwasbusysear chingforany
for
eignobj ectont het rousers'pocketswhenI
pull
edoutabl ackLaceypant yonjet'
sjean
pocket,
Iunf ol deditandt ookal onghardl ook,
myhear tshr eddedi ntopieces, t
hiswasnot
mine
Idi
dn'
townsuchpant y
.Mykneeswobbled,my
wri
stweakenedasIdroppedt
hepant
yont he
fl
oor
.Owhl or
d,whatarewoman'
spanti
es
doi
ngi
nmyhusband'
str
ouser
s

Sohewascheat i
ngonme, Iwasr ight
,hereall
y
wascheating.Justaf ewday sagowegot
engagedintoagr uesomequar relbecauseofa
phonecallhereceivedinthemi ddleofthenight
.
HesaiditwasFr eddiecall
ingbutIhear da
woman'sv oi
ce,af i
ghtbroke, Ihadt odismi
ss
hi
sliesandheendedupget ti
ngphy si
calwit
h
me
Nowt hi
s..
..
.Iwasri
ght,thebastardwas
cheat
ingonme.Angert ookover.If
uriousl
y
exi
tedthelaundryr
oom wi t
hThepant yi
nmy
hand,Iwenttothekit
chen,Ipacedar ound
thi
nki
ngofhowt oapproachthi
s.
Jetwasr
eal
l
ythi
nki
ngofmeaf
ool
Itookat r
ay,tookoutt
wosli
cesofbread,
I
pl
acedt hepantybet
weenthesl
icesl
i
kea
spread.Iputi
tinabowlandcl
osedit
.
Ipouredcoff
eeinhismug,ever
ythingwas
neatl
yplacedonthetr
ay.It
ookitintoourr
oom.
Hewasuppl
ayi
ngwi
thBr
ian.
"heybabe"hesai
dwi
thasmi
l
e.

Il
ookedathi
m sickenedtomystomach,
he
wassmil
ingl
ikeeveryt
hingwasf
ine.
"sayhimommy,hi
mommy"hesai dt
oBrian
whojustsmi
l
edandmadesensel
essbaby
sounds.
Looksl
i
kehewasn'
tint
erest
edi
nany
thi
ngt
hat
hi
sdadwassay
ing.

"y
oumademebr eakf
asti
nbed,
yousucha
bl
essi
ng"hesai
d.

Me:
owhr
eal
l
y.
Him:yesy
ouar
eaGodsent
,that
'
swhyIl
ove
you.

Il
etoutasar
casti
claughter.Thi
smanr
ight
her
ewasal i
ar,
asadisti
cliar.

"pl
easel
ovedi
gin"i
hadonthewi
destsmi
l
eas
Ipl
acedt
hetr
ayonhisl
ap.
"Imadey
ourf
avour
it
e"Iadded

Hi
m:t
hanksbabe,
youar
ethebest
.

Ij
ustst
oodwit
hmyar
msf
oldedashet
ooka
si
ponhiscof
fee.
Hethenopenedt
hebowl,mybloodwasboili
ng,
mystomachwasinapitofhel
l
, Iwasdi
sgusted
andangr
y.
Hewasaboutt otakethebreadwhenhe
stoppedmidair
,hefinal
lygat
her
edenough
couragetoremovethetopsli
ceofbr
ead
properl
yexposi
ngthepanty.

Heswal
l
owedhar
dwi
thhi
smout
hhangi
ng.

Hest
aredatt
hepant
ythenatme.

Ihadmyeyesshotathi
m,Ileanbythewal
land
watchhi
m choki
ngonhisownguil
t.

"car
etoexplai
nhowt hosegotowny
our
tr
ouser
'spocket
s"Iasked.

"uhmmm.
..
.whosepant
yist
his,
Ihav
enev
er
seent
hispant
yinmyl
i
fe"hest
utt
ered.

"heeeee...
..
.don'tbull
shitwit
hmeuy angi
va,
don'
ttalkshi there,ar
ey ounowamagi ci
an,did
thepantymagi call
yappearedinyourt
rouser"I
seet
hed, hisdeni alr
eall
yangeredme.

Hi
m: Ireall
ydon'
tknowhowt hi
sgotinmy
t
rouser,Idon'
tknowthi
s.Ihavenev
erseeni
tin
mylif
e.

Me:howpat het
icdoyouthi
nkIam.Iknewyou
werecheati
ngonme.Iconfrontedy
ouandy ou
deni
edeverythi
ng,nowther
e'snowayyoucan
denythi
s.Youareamanhoe

Him:y
eydon'ti
nsul
tmeplease,
Itol
dyouI
knewnot
hingaboutt
his
Me: don'
tpatr
onizeme, Ihaven'
tstar
ted
i
nsulti
ngyou.Youar eyettohearinsul
ts.You
aresuchadog, siesy oudisgustme,going
aroundpokingyoursmal lpat
heti
cdickinever
y
holeyoucomeacr oss.
Whati
sitwit
hy ou,am Inotenough.Doy
ou
hav
eanitchthatyoucan'tscr
atch.

Hi
m:Nqobi
l
est
opi
t,am noty
ourmat
e.

Me:veleyouarenotmymat e,
mymat esare
waymor ematuredthanyoueverwil
lbe,t
hey
arenotdogs,
theydon'tf
uckeveryskankthey
see.
Sotell
mewasshegoodt hatyoucoul
dn'tl
eav
e
herpantybehi
ndorumdl
eleemahlat
sini
.
Ist
il
lcan'
tbel
i
evehowy
oucheatwi
thsucha
ti
nydick,l
eli
gwayanal
akholi
yakuhl
anyi
sa
ngyabona.Youhavenoshame, f
ucki
ngaround
wit
hat woy earol
dbabypeni
s.

Iwasstil
lrumbl
ingt
hatIdidn'tseehi
m
char
gingTowardsme, heheldmebymyneck
andpinnedmeagainthewall.

"It
oldy
outostopi
nsult
ingme"hi
scol
our
ed
si
dehadbeenunl
eashed.

"jahbeatme, t
hat'
sallyouar egoodf or,Idon'
t
blamey ou,y
ouar esti
llasmal lboy,Ineedto
fi
ndar ealmanthatwi l
lsatisf
yme, youcango
aheadandpokeev er
ywher ewithyourpot at
o
chipspenis"It
riedspeaking,het i
ghtenedthe
gripar
oundmyneck, Icouldn'
tbreathe.
"y
ouarehurt
ingmedammi
t"It
ri
edf
ight
ing
hi
m of
fwit
hmyhands.
Iscr
atchedhi
m ev
ery
wher
eIcoul
d.

Hestoppedchoki
ngmeandsl
appedmeso
har
d.

"youar
esodisr
espect
ful"hesai
d,hepunched
mystomachandpushedmeont hefl
oor.He
ki
ckedmeacoupleofti
mes.

Iscreamedandcri
edinhor
ror
,hewas
stompingever
ywhere,
mywholebodywasi
n
pain.

"youar
ehurt
ingme..
..
stop.
.pl
easestop"Iwas
nowbeggi
ngformylif
e,mycriesmighthave
scar
edBri
anbecausehealsostar
tedwaili
ng.
Afterawhi
l
eIwasn'
tscr
eami
ngany
mor
e,Ij
ust
tookint
hepai
n,my
Mouthwasbl
eedi
ng,
ever
ybonei
nmybody
hur
t.
Ihadnoener
gyt
ocr
yany
mor
e.
.
.
.
Aft
eral
ongwhilehefi
nal
lyst
oppedki
cki
ngme,
hewasbusyshouti
ngandcur
singme.

"Imarri
edy outobesubmissi
vetomeand
that
'showy ouwill
be,am amanIcanfuck
anyoneIwant,Ifedyouandcl
othedyou,I
expectathankyouf r
om y
ounotsomewhi ni
ng"
hesaid.
"whyareyoudoi
ngthist
ome.Yousai dy ou
l
oveme.Isthi
showy oushowy ourlove,by
cheat
ingandhi
tt
ingme.Isthi
sy ourlove"Icr
ied.

"mxm thesoonery
ouactl
ikeawif
ethebet
ter"
hetookthepant
y,t
ookhi
scarkey
sandwalked
out
.

"go..
..
Iknowyouaregoingtoher,
Ihat
eyou"I
cal
ledout,henev
erresponded.

It
ri
edget
ti
ngupf
rom t
hecol
dfl
oor
.
It
ookt hewai li
ngBr ianonthebedalt
houghi
t
waspai nfulcarr
y i
nghi m.Iwi
nchedinpai
nasI
walkedt othekitchent omakefoodforhi
m.The
ki
tchendoorwasl ockedandthekeywasgone,
hehadal solockedt hef r
ontdoor
.
Hehadlockedmein.Isatont
hecouchFed
Brianwi
thtear
sst
reamingdownmyswollen
face.

#admi
n.
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYFI
FTYSEVEN

#I
MINATHI

dayswentbyandIwasact ual
l
yget t
ingt
iredof
sfi
so'
sconstantadvancestowardsme.At least
Decemberwassl owlydri
ft
ingnearertoi
tsend,
soonwewoul dbebackhome.Wor kwasst i
ll
great
,wel
lIdidhaveoccasionalsexwith
Thabang,Il
ovedoursexual
encount
erbecause
ther
ewasnost ri
ngsatt
ached.AndIenj
oyed
thefactt
hathewasroughwi t
hme.
*
*
*
Iwokeupt i
red,Atl
easttodayi
sSunday,
my
off
icial
l
yoffday.Ican'
tsayIcomplai
nwithmy
j
ob, Iwasexcepti
onalwhenitcametoit
.
Thabangsaidhewi shedIwashisper
manent
PA.
Iwokeupbot
hZithaandIcleanedthehouse,
wemadebreakf
ast,notbef
orelongever
yone
wasdownforbr
eakfast.

"youmustr
eal
lyenj
oyyourwor
k,l
ookatyou,
youar
eevengai
ningwei
ght"mom sai
d.
Me:
haaamama,
Ihav
en'
tgai
nedanywei
ght

Iwasal
lsmi
l
esasIsai
dthat
.

"vel
esisi
,you'
vegai
nedsomewei
ght
"cebo
secondedher

Ij
ustsmil
ed,
Ilookedupandnompi
'
sdeat
h
st
arescar
edmeAbi t

"uhm...
.Iwi
llbegoi
ngout
,am meet
ingwi
tha
fr
iend"Isai
d.

"who"sf
isopr
act
ical
l
ybl
urt
edt
hatout
.

Il
ookupandt
heywer
eal
lst
ari
ngatme.
"hernameisAthenkosi
,she'sfr
om wit
bank,
she'
sThabang'
sfri
endfiance"Ianswer
ed.

Thabang:hauy
oumeetingwi
thAthe,
yout
wo
havebecomebestoff
ri
endsIsee.
Me:
she'
sthebest
.

Thabang:
yeahshei
sagr
eatper
son

Mom:
haunaweuy
amat
ithabangl
oAt
henkosi
.

Thabang:
yesmah,she'saver
ysuccessf
ul
youngwoman.Shehasherownbeautysalon
andhasstudi
edpsychol
ogy
.

Mom:
soundsl
i
keani
cel
ady
.
Me:
she'
sgr
eat
.

Zee:
soIhav
ebeenr
epl
aced.

Me:nev
erfr
iend,y
ouknowy
ouar
ethebest
ess,
noonewil
lrepl
aceyou.

Ismil
edather,Istol
efewgl ancesatsfi
sowho
keptst
ari
ngatme.Her eal
lymademef eel
uncomfort
abl
e,whenam wi thhim Ifeelt
hings,
thi
ngsIshoul
dn'tbefeeli
ng.Hemakesme
weakandIhatedthatfeeli
ng.

Weconti
nuedeati
ngandjoki
ngaround.After
eat
ingwewashedthedi
shes.IwentTot akea
qui
ckbat
h.Iworemytornboyfr
iendjean,a
l
oosewhit
evest,
andmywhi t
econv erse
Icombedmyaf ro,Iwasgonnagotothesal
on
togetmyhairdone.Ineedaweaveor
somethi
ng,
youknow, justdosomet
hing
dif
fer
ent
Iappl
iedmymakeup, pl
acedever
ythi
ngi
nmy
sl
ingbag,It
henex
itedtheroom

"y
oul
ookf
ly"Thabangsai
daf
teral
ongwhi
stl
e.

Me:
thanky
ou.

Thabang:
youshouldhaveal
lowedmet
oteach
youhowtodri
ve,Iwouldbegiv
ingy
oumycar
ri
ghtnow.

Mom:whoauysabakabi
imot
ou- I
mi.Ial
so
want
edtot
eachherbutsher
efused.
Cebo:
mom y
oushoul
dteachme.

Mom: yahneh,weshouldstar
tsoon,At
least
youdon'tscar
eeasi
lyl
ikeyoursi
ster
.

Theylaughedatme, t
heywer
eallr
elaxi
ngon
thefr
ontporch,sf
isowasbusyonhisphone,
hismom wasnott her
e.Zeewasdoinghernai
ls.
Thabanghadahay stackofpapersonhisl
ap,
andcebowasbraidingmom.Idi dn'
tknow,she
knewhowt obr
aid.Wel lt
her
e'salotIdon'
t
knowaboutherl
ately.

"Iwi
lll
ear
nhowTodr
ivesoon,
sfi
sowi
l
lteach
me"Isai
d.
Sf
iso:
what
?

Me:
Iwi
l
lli
key
out
oteachmehowt
odr
ive.

Sf
iso:
owh,
whendoy
ouwannast
art
.

Me:
nextweekend

Sf
iso:
ohkt
hen.

Thabang:
shal
lidr
opy
ouof
f.

Me:don'
twor
ry,
Iwillt
akeat
axi
,zeey
our
eal
l
y
don'
twannat
agalong.

Zee:
youknowi
tst
hatt
imeoft
hemont
h,my
abdomenisonfi
re,Iwon'
tcope,
Idon'
twanna
spoi
lthemood.Nextti
megirl
.

Me:
ohkyt
hen,
ceey
a.

"kungabuy
waebsukuke"mom cal
l
edoutasI
walkedaway.

Me:
Iwon'
t.

Iexitedthegatethenwalkeddownt hest
reet,I
wasaboutt or eachthemainroadwhenabl ack
Ferraripar
kedbef or
eme, Icont
inuedwal
king
withoutpayinganyat t
ent
iontoit.

"heymama,canIhaveawordwit
hy ou"aman
sai
d,It
ookaquickgl
anceathi
m anditwasMr
di
gger
,thebast
ardwhot
ookourhomef
rom us.
Thener
vehehear
doft
alki
ngt
omeaf
terwhat
hedi
d.

Icont
inuedwal
ki
ng,
her
ever
sed.

"haubabydon'
tdot
his,
uyangchomel
aumuhl
e
kanj
e"hesai
d.

"canIHel
pyou"Isai
dwi
thanat
ti
tude.

Hi
m:wher
ear
eyougoi
ng,
canIgi
vey
oual
i
ft.

Me:
not
hanx,
Idon'
tneedar
ide.

Hi
m:pl
easel
ovymaan,
Iwon'
tfeel
right
knowingt
hatl
letanangel
wal
kwhi
l
eIr
idea
car.

Me:tr
ustmebytheti
meyougetwher
eyou'
re
goi
ngyouwon'
tevenremembert
haty
oumet
me.

Hi
m:Idoubt
,Icannev
erf
orgetsuchanangel
i
c
f
ace.
YazimabhebezaIhavebeenseei
ngy
outhi
s
pastfewdaysandIhavebeenmeani
ngt
otalk
toyou.
Iv
arriukut
hiungshay
adingdong,y
oudri
veme
crazymntwana,Ihavenev
erseensuchbeaut
y

Me:
owh,
,
,real
l
y.
Him:yesskado,
sohowareyourel
atedt
othe
nkosi
'
s,,
,
,ainouyi
shambul
amntwana.

(mxm t
heasshol
edi
dn'
tev
enr
ecogni
zeme)

Me:
am Mrnkosi
'
sni
ece.
Hi
m: manj
emntwanamaanut hi
ni,pl
easegi
ve
meachancetotr
eatyoul
ikeanangel.Ihav
e
money,
Icanbuyyouanyt
hingthatyouwant

Me:
doIlookl
ikeacheapslutt
oyou,
excuse
me,
Idon'
ttal
ktost
ranger
s.

Hi
m: am notastr
angermaany
ouruncl
eknows
me,Am af ami
lyfri
end,
mynameismzwakhe
di
gger.
Me:
ist
hatsupposet
omeansomet
hingt
ome.

Him:pleaseskadodon'tbeli
ket
hat,Icanmake
youtherichestgi
rloneart
hinasnapofafinger
,
all
owmet oblessyou.
Dammityougif
tedgirl
,Icanalr
eadyimagine
youpoundi
ngontopofme, owhGod, thi
ngsI
wil
ldotoyou,
fuck,ungenzanimntwana.Please
giv
emeachancet omakey ouaqueen.

Me: Idon'
tdogrownman,getthatintoy our
thi
ckskull
,younotmytypeandIdon' tthinkyou
canhandlethi
sassmkhulu,i
twi l
ldefini
tely
swallowyou.Youareol
dandtired,Idon'tdo
twomi nut
esnoodles

(wi
ththatsai
d,Iswerv
edmycur
vesf
rom l
eft
tor
ightasIwalkedaway)
"whoareyouCall
ingol
d,IknowIwil
lgetyou,
am gonnashowyouwho'sboss"hecal
ledout
bef
oredri
vingof
f.
Icl
i
ckedmyt
ongueandcont
inuedwal
ki
ng.

Igottothemainroad,boar
dedat axit
othemall
,
Iwasear l
ysoIstart
edbythesalon.Ii
nst
all
eda
24inchwav yBr
az i
li
anweave.I
twascostlybut
Thabangwaspay ingmeweeklysoIcould
aff
ordit
.
Iaskedthehai
rdr
essert
otwizmyey
ebr
ows,
in
whichshedidper
fect
lywel
l
.

DamnIl
ookedsodi
ff
erent
,It
ookf
ewphot
os.
PostedafewonFacebookwi
tht
hecapt
ion"
tr
yingonnewthi
ngs"
Iwasdef
ini
tel
ysl
ayi
ng.
*
*

At
hecal
l
edsay
ingshewasatt
hef
rontpar
king
l
ot.
Itwasabi tcl
osertothesal
onsoIwentther
e.I
couldseeherfrom adist
ance,
thatgi
rlwasso
beauti
fulandelegant
.
Shewaswearingahighwai
stedtornwashedup
j
ean,aseethr
oughwhi t
eT-
shir
t,andfadedbl
ue
nudeheel
sthatmatchedwi
thherhandbag.
shehaddoneal
ongPer
uvi
anweav
ewi
th
gol
denends.
Shel
etoutawi
desmi
l
ethemomentshesaw
me.

"Dar
li
ng"shesai
dasweshar
edahug.
"youlooksobeaut
if
ul,
Ili
ket
henewhai
rdo"she
added.

Me:
thanx,
andy
oul
ookper
fectasal
way
s.

Her
:thanky
ouhun.

Wet ookacoupl
eofpi
ctur
est
oget
herwi
thher
phone.

Her
:am f
ami
shed,
Ineedt
oeat
.

Me:
youandmebot
h.

Weset
tl
edf
orsomequi
etRest
aur
antj
ustby
t
hemal
lent
rance.

Wegoti
ngotatabl
eandt
heWai
tercameand
t
ookouror
der
.

Wewer
etal
ki
ng,
get
ti
ngt
oknoweachot
her
.
Shet oldmeaboutherchil
dhood.Whichwas
defini
telyaweir
done,aft
ereveryt
hingIf
ound
my selfhat
ingherst
epmother,namedNomonde
whomadeherl i
feali
vinghel
l,shewasreal
ly
str
ong.
Shehadtojuggleanabusi
vemar
ri
age,l
i
es,
pat
heti
csist
erin-l
awandthel
ossofbot
hher
par
ents.
Idi
dn'tt
hinkwi
tchesexi
stedunt
ilIhear
dabout
hersocall
edst
epmot her
.Shereall
yhadithar
d.

Me:
wowy
ouwentt
hroughal
lthi
sandy
oust
il
l
l
ookt
hisst
rongandbeaut
if
ul.

Her:Ihadsi
bu,heist
hebestthi
ngthathasever
happeninmylif
e.YeshehasHisfl
awsbutwho
doesn't
,he'
shumanafteral
l
.ButIt
ellyout
hat
mani smyrock.He'
sbeenwithmethroughital
l
.
Heencour agedmet opushev enwhenIcoul dn'
t.
Andt henIpr ayed,ImadeGodt hedriverofmy
l
ife,nothingisgreaterthanhi
m, hedrovemet o
therightpat ht
hat'swhyam Stil
lheretoday.
Wi t
hGody ounev erreall
yal
onebecauseHe' s
alway sthere.

Me:wow,y
ouaresoful
lofwi
sdom,
Iwi
shIwas
asopt
imi
sti
casyou.

Her:
whydoy
otal
kli
kesomeonewhohasl
ost
al
lhope.
Me: that'sbecauseIhav e,asy ouseemenow
am justl ostwithnowayf or ward,myl i
fehas
beenhel l.Ilostmyf at
heratav eryyoungage, a
stepf at
hercamei ntot
hepi cture,hewasper fect
atf i
rstthenl at
erheabusedmymot her.Mom
l
ef tbecauseoft heabuse,leavingmysi sterand
Iatt hehandsoft hatmonst er.
Wel ostourhouseandmov edtosomeslums.
Attheageoft enmyst epdadstart
edmol est
ing
me, heimpregnatedmet wiceandmademe
abortthepregnancy,att
heageof16It ookmy
si
sterandwer anawayf rom ourhome.Wel ived
i
nthest reet
suntilMrsnkosifoundus.Shetook
ustoherhouse, gotusinschool,l
if
ebecame
bett
er.Justwhenev eryt
hingwasgoingwel l
I
gotgangr apedeight
eenmont hsago.
*
*
*
Byt
heti
meIwasdonenar
rat
ingmyst
orywe
wer
ebothi
ntear
s.

"OwhJesus,comeher e"webothstoodupand
shehuggedmet ight
ly,peopl
ewerewatchi
ng
butwedidn'
tcare.
Isobbedsi
l
ent
lyonhershoul
der
.
Fi
nal
l
ywebr
oket
hehug.

"WowjustwhenIt
houghtIhadadi
ff
icul
tli
fe
andyoushowmet hatmyli
fewasawalkina
par
k"shesai
daswesatbackdown

Me:am notstrongl
i
key ou,
am f
all
i
ngapart
,I
don'
tthingIcandothi
s.Atti
mesIthi
nkGod
hasforsakenme.
Her:
pleasedon'tsaythat
,thefactthaty
ouare
her
estil
lstandi
ngafterevery
thingmeansthat
youarewayst r
ongerthanyouthink.
Godgiv
eshismostdi
ff
icul
tbat
tl
est
ohi
s
t
oughestsol
der
s.
Hehasn'
tfor
sakenyou,Iassur
ehehasalr
eady
creat
edasol
uti
onforyourprobl
ems.Youj
ust
havetowai
tonhim si
si.

Me:wowhowdoyoudoit
,youmakemef
eel
l
ikeev
ery
thi
ngi
sgonnabeohk

Her:t
hat
'sbecausei
twillbe,
y ouj
usthavet
o
bel
ievet
hatthesewerej
usttinyhumpsand
bumpsinyourroadtosuccess.Godlovesy
ou.

Me:
butIdoubthest
il
ldoesaf
terev
ery
thi
ngI
di
d.
Iam asexaddictnow, Isl
eptwithbothbrother
s.
Idon'
twannahur tsf
iso,heisagoodper sonbut
Idon'
tknowhowt ostopthisurges,Thabang
makesmef eelgoodaboutmy self
.Sfi
soloves
mebutIdon'tknowhowt olovehim back.

Her:gi
veitti
me, Ihavesomeonewhocanhel p
youdefeatyoursexualurges,
he'
satherapi
st
andhe'sgoodatwhathedoes.Iwi l
ltal
ktohim
fory
oui fyouwant .

Me:Iwil
lreal
l
yli
kethat
,Iwanttobenor
mal
but
Idon'
tknowwhatnormalisany
more.

Her:youarespeci
al,
thefactt
hatyouwent
t
hrought hi
smakesy ouspeci
al,
itmakesy
oua
warr
ior,asurv
ivor
.Nothi
ngismor enor
malthan
t
hat
.

Me:t
hankyou,
am st
art
ingt
ofeel
gladt
hatI
f
oundyou.

Her:It
hinkGodbroughtyoutome, tel
lyouwhat,
howaboutwewr i
tey
ourstory.Lety
ourv oice
beheard.Youhavebeenthroughalotandam
sur
eal otofpeopl
ewilll
ear
nal otfr
om y our
j
ourney.

Me:l
olIhav
enoi deahowtowr
ite,am notgood
wi
thwords,l
i
ter
aturei
snotmything

Her:
that
'sWher
eIcomein,I
'
vewrit
tenfew
st
ori
esonFacebook,
Icanwri
tey
ourstoo.
Me:owhwel
l.Iwi
l
lgi
vei
tat
houghtt
henget
backt
oyou.

Her
:nost
ress,
takey
ourt
ime.
*
*
*
*
*
Ourordercame,weatewit
hhertell
ingme
aboutthestor
iesshewr
ote.Sheshowedme
herpages.Shewasgood.Iwonderedwhyshe
hadn'
tpubli
shabookorsomet hi
ng.

Aft
ereati
ngwespendthewholeday
gal
li
vanti
ngar
oundthemall
.Itwasgreat
spendi
ngadaywit
hher.Shewaslikeabig
si
stert
ome.
Il
ovedhowsheencour
agedmetogotochur
ch
andaskGodforwi
sdom.Sher
eal
lywasa
spi
ri
tual
per
son.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Latershedroppedmehomesay i
ngthatshe
wasgoi ngbacktowitbankthefoll
owingday.
Shepr omisedtogetmei ntouchwithher
therapi
stfri
end,i
twasabi tbett
erbecausehe
r
esi
dedi
numl azi
soi
fthi
ngsgowel
lImi
ght
meetwi
thhi
m ASAP.

Shepr
omi
sedshewasgonnav
isi
tmet
he
fol
l
owi
ngweekend.
Ibi
dhergoodby
eandwat
chedherdr
oveaway
.

Iwal
kedtothegat
eMrdiggerWassit
tingon
thev
erandast
ari
ngatmewithlust
ful
ey es.
Hebl
ewmeaki
ssandi
showedhi
m af
inger
.

Her
eal
l
yhadnoi
deahowmuchIhat
edhi
m.

MaybeIshouldgetcl
osertohi
m,youknow,
find
outhowhegotthehouse.Maybeheknows
whathappenedtomymot her
,It
houghtt
o
myself
.
#admi
n
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYFI
FTYEI
GHT

#Si
x_mont
hs_
lat
er

#I
MINATHI

Wehadj ustclosedforJune/Jul
yhol i
days,well
formetherewasnot aki
nganybr eaks,Iwasin
matri
candt herewasnor estinthatgrade.We
hadextr
aclassesf orthefi
rstt
woweeks, and
thent
heywer ewi l
l
ingtogetusaweekt orest
.
;
:
:
ourlastDecemberholi
daysi
nKZNwer egreat
.
Christ
maswasper f
ect,wehadasmallfamil
y
gatheri
ng,i
twasperfect
,Atl
eastev
ery
bodygot
al
ong, ort
heywereprett
ygoodatfaki
ngin.
Butqui
tef
rankl
yIdi
dn'
twai
ttogetoutoft
hat
pl
ace
Nompi l
o' shatr
edt owardsmehadgr ewev en
mor e.That '
sbecauseshecaughtZi t
haandI
try
ingt obr eakin,onther oom withar eddoor ,
it
wasonnewy ear'
sev e,
ev eryonewasbusy
celebratingoutsidewhenzi thapulledmeasi de.
Shet oldmeshehadapl anonhowt obr eakinto
theroom.Iwast hri
ll
edhear ingthatsowe
rushedi ntothehouse, hermom musthav e
foll
owedusbecausehershar pvoicespr ang
behindedgesl i
keadogbar kingatourwor l
d.
Stil
lcouldf eelhersharpgazecut t
ingt hrough
myski n.
"yeyNinanenzani
la"sheshout
ed,
bot
hzi
tha
andIjumpedinshocked.

"
Uhm,
owhma,
youar
eher
e"Zi
thaanswer
ed.

"mom ny
unyeeeyoknuka,
whatt
hehel
lar
eyou
doi
ngher
e"shewasfuming.

"Iknowyouarebehi
ndt
hiswenanondindwa"
shechar
gedtowardsmebutzi
thagotbetween
us.

Zi
tha:
aiboma,i
tsnotherf
ault
,Iam t
heone
whoaskedhert
ocomeher e,

Nompi
:INI
!Why
.
Zit
ha:becausemah, Iwascurious.SinceIwas
bornIhaveneverseenthisroom opened, I
knowy ouanddad"claim"tohav elostthekey
butIdon'
tbuyit.
Ioncesawdadcomingoutf
rom here.SoIgot
curi
ous,Iwant
edt
oknowwhat'
si nhere.

Her:mxm there'
snothi
ngint
here,
welostthe
keyandy ourdadsawnoneedofgetti
ng
anotheronebecauseitwasj
ustasparer
oom
thatnooneuses.

Zit
ha:
Idon'
tbel
ievet
hatmah,
Ifeell
i
ke
somethi
ngwei
rdisgoi
ngonhere.

Her:wel
lthencuri
osi
tyki
l
ledacat,
stop
snoopi
ngar oundl
ooki
ngfort
roubl
e,t
here'
s
not
hingi
nthi
sroom dost
ayawayf
rom i
t.
Andstayawayf r
om thi
shoe,Iknowshe'
sthe
reasonyougotcuri
ous.Sheshouldl
eavemy
house,she'
sreal
lyst
art
ingtogetonmynerves.

Zi
tha:
aibomah,
thi
swasnoti
mi'
sfaul
t

Me:it
sfinezeey
oudon'
thav
etost
andf
orme,
am sor
rymah.

Withthatsai
d,Iwal
kawayl
eav
ingt
hem att
he
door.

Iwentout
sidet
otheot
her
s.

"youl
ookdown,
wher
ehav
eyoubeen"
/mom
sai
d.
Me:Iwasinthehouse,
Ihadasl
i
ghtheadache
butam f
inenow.

Her
:ncoohaski
esNana,
her
e,hav
esomef
un.

Shehandedmeahundredshooterf
ir
ewor
k,
sfi
sol
iti
tformeandIj
oinedthem.
Atl
eastsfi
soandIwerenowcivi
leventhough
thi
ngswereabitawkward,t
hat
'sbecausehe
keptt
ell
ingmeabouthisundyi
ngloveforme.
Twodaysbefor
eChr
ist
mashetaughtmehow
todr
ive,
andhewasagoodt
eacherImustsay
.

Ihadstoppedhavi
ngsexwi thbothoft
hem.
Whichwast hehardestt
hingtodo,t
hesexual
urgesweresti
ll
thereandIdidn'
tKnowhowt o
getri
dofthem.ButIhadst ar
tedatt
endi
ng
t
her
apysessi
onswi
thChr
is,
Athe'
sfr
iend.
Hewasr eall
ygoodandknewwhathewas
doing.Twosessi
onswit
hhim andIwasal
ready
start
ingtoseet
hedif
fer
ence.
*
*
Ihadbef
ri
endedMrdigger
.If
li
rt
edwit
hhim on
f
ewoccasion,It
ri
edal
lmybestt
ofi
shfor
i
nfor
mati
onf r
om him.
Wellt
hemessageIgotonnewy ear
'smorni
ng
mademeev enmoredeter
minedtofindout
whathappenedt
omymot her
.

"st
opsnoopingaroundorel
seIwi
l
lmakey
ou
di
sappear"t
hetextread.
I
twasfrom anunknownnumber.It
hought
maybeitwassentbynompil
o,Imeanshewas
pi
ssedatmef ort
ryi
ngtoopenther
eddoor.
Andthet
extdi
dn'tscar
eme, i
nfacti
tmademe
evenmor
edeterminedtoconti
nuediggi
ng.

Mrdiggert
oldmethathegott
hehouse
becauseofMrnkosi
.
HesaidMrnkosi
gav
ethehouset
ohi
m asa
pr
esent
Idi
dn'treal
lyunder st
and,ImeanMrnkosiwas
nottheowneroft hehousesohowwasheabl e
totakeourhouseandgi vei
ttosomeoneelse.
NowIwasmor econv i
ncedthatt
herewas
somet hi
ngsini
st erwit
htheNkosisandIwas
determinedtofindoutwhatitwas.
*
*

Thedaybef
orewel
eftIspentt
heni
ghtwi
th
sfi
so,notbecauseiwasusi
nghim butbecause
ihadstart
eddev el
opi
ngsomefeel
ingsforhim.
Hemademykneesweakwhenev
erweki
ssed.
Hemademef
eel
bet
teraboutmy
sel
f.

"doy oureal
lyhavetoleave"hesaidkissi
ngmy
foreheadandplayi
ngwi t
hmyweav e,Iwason
hischest,af
tert
wost eamyr oundsofsex.

Me:Ihav
eto,school
swil
lbeopeni
ngintwo
day
stimeandam goingbackt
oschool.

Hi
m:t
hisi
snotf
air
,

Hi
svoi
cebr
oke,
hewasbr
eat
hingi
ngasps.

"Idon'
twantt
obeapar
tfr
om y
ou,
Idon'
tthi
nkI
wil
lsur
v i
vewithouty
ou"hespokeaf
tert
aki
nga
deepbreathe.

Me:
am sor
rybutt
her
e'snot
hingIcando,
I
r
eal
l
ymustgo.

Him:
Iknow,Ij
ustcan'
tlety
ougo,howaboutI
comevi
sity
oueverysecondweekend.

Me:
uhm,
woul
dyoumanaget
hat
.

Hi
m:Iwoul
d,Iwi
l
lswi
m acr
ossoceansf
ory
ou
myLov
e,

Me'
:t
hatwoul
dbewonder
ful
,weshar
edapeck.

Hi
m:Iwanty
out
oknowt
haty
ouar
esospeci
al
t
ome.NoonecanchangehowIfeel
abouty
ou.
Notev
enmom.Il
oveyouthandi
wewam.

"Iloveyoutoo"Ianswer
edshyly.I
twaslong
overduebutitwasthetr
uth,
Ireall
ydi
dlovehim.

"wowIneverthoughtIwouldheary
ousayt
hat,
youhav
emademet hehappi
estmanonear
th"
wesharedanotherpassi
onateki
ss.

Wi
thhi
m If
eltr
ightathome.
*
*
*
*
*
*
School
sopenedandIwasbackinschool
,Ist
il
l
communicat
edwithMrdi
ggerthr
oughphones.
Themanwasr eall
yint
ome, Ihadpromisedto
behismistressifhefi
ndsoutwhathappened
tomymom.YesIendedupt ell
inghimthetr
uth
aboutwhoi real
lywas.Idi
dn'tcareabouthi
m
though,
Ijustneededtoinf
ormat i
on,
i
nformati
onwhi chIknewhecoul dacquir
e.
Sfi
sokepthi
swor ds,
hecamear oundev er
y
secondweekend,wewereof
fici
all
ydating.And
Ihadsessi
onswithChri
sAtl
eastonceamont h,
hemadeanef for
ttocometonelsprui
tForme.

Iwasr ecoveri
ngver
ywell,
hissessi
onswer ea
bitdiff
erentbutt
heyhel
ped,Iwasnol onger
thinki
ngaboutsexasmuch, Isl
owlylearnedto
faceandacceptmyr eal
it
y.Ihadacceptedwhat
happenedandwassl owlylear
ningnottoleti
t
def i
neme. .
.
*
*
Ihaven'
tseenmostofmyf
ri
endsev
ersi
nceI
gotback.
IonlysawSar ahandSethbeforet
heylef
tfor
Pretor
ia,Sar
ahwasal sogonnaenrol
ingeology
atUP.AYAwasi ntheuni
versi
tyofLi
mpopo
doingteachi
ng.
Preshwasnowher etobef ound,Ihav
en'
theard
fr
om herinawhilenow, t
heysayshewentt o
fr
eest at
etost
aywi thherGranny.Shedoesn'
t
callandwhenIcallshedoesn'tanswermycall
s.
Iwonder
edi
fshewasal
i
veandwel
l
.
Myf
ri
endshi
pwi t
hathewasmorestr
ongernow.
Wet
alkedonthephoneal
mostever
yday.
Shewasagoodperson,andIl
ovedt
hei
deaof
havi
ngabi
ggersi
stert
oguideme.
*
*
*
*
*
*
.
ItwasaSaturdaymor ni
ng,Iwokeupear
ly
becauseIhadclasses,Ihatedgr
ade12,
its
holi
dayspeopleareRestingbutwear
e
att
endingevenonholidays.

Istr
etchedabitbef
oregett
ingoutoft
hebed,
I
wasnowsl eepi
ngaloneandcebohadherown
room.
Speakingofher
,somethingwasbot heri
ngher
l
ately.Shewassoquietandr eser
ved.Shewas
sojumpyandedgy ,
Irememberhersay i
ngshe
wantedt ot
alkt
omel astnightwhenwewer ein
theloungebutwhenmom camei nshequickl
y
changedt
het
opi
c.

Ican'
tst
opwonder i
ngwhatwassosecreti
ve
thatmom coul
dn'
thearit
.Wellt
henIguessI
havetof
indoutwhat'st
heprobl
em i
swhenI
comebackf r
om school
.

Iwenttotakeaquickshower,
woremyleggi
ngs
andaloosetopthatwasbelowmybutt,
Iwore
mywhiteallst
arandtiedmylongboxbr
aidi
nto
aneatbun.
Wellwewor
ecasual dur
ingthehol
i
day
sbutyou
coul
dworeyourschooluni
formify
ouwant
ed.

Itookmyschoolbag,packedthef
ewbooks
thatIwasgonnaneed,Itookmyphoneont
he
bedandIhadamessage.
I
twasanMMS,
IHav
en'
trecei
vedsuchi
nmy
l
i
fe.
Il
ookatt
henumberandi
tWasdi
gger
'snumber
.

Iopenedt
heMMS,mymi ndwasal
readyf
il
led
wit
hsomuchcur
iosi
ty.

I
twasavi
deo,Ipl
ayedi
tandbehol
d,whatIsaw
l
eftmymout
hhanging.

,
,,
,
,Thiswasbasi callyourol dhouse,i
twasatt he
back.Myst epdadwal kedoutthekitchendoor
holdingabigsui tcase, whichusedt obemy
mot her'
s,heplacedi tinsi
deahugement al
drum, hewentbackt ot hehouseandcame
backf ewmi nutesl aterwi t
hwhatseemedt obe
mymot her'
sclot hesandshoes, wit
hher
handbags.Hepl acedi tinsidethedrone,he
pouredwhatseemedt obeapat rol
or
somethi
ng.het
hent
ookoutal
i
ght
eri
nhi
s
pocket
Bef
orehecoul
dlititMrNkosi
walkedtohi
m,he
washol
dingCebo'shandandwaswithatal
l
whi
teman.
Theyseemedt obediscussingsomet hing,
clear
lyitwasconcerningmysi sterbecause
theykeptpointi
ngather .Ther
ewassomet hing
peculi
araboutthestateceboseemedt obei n.
Shelookedlikeazombi e,herfacefil
ledwithso
muchf ear,
shecl ear
lylookedscared.

Afterdiscussi ngForawhi le,myst epdadlitthe

l
ighterandt ossedi ninsi det hedrum andhuge
ballofflameser upted, theyst oodinadi stance
andwat chedt hef l
amesbur ninguntili
tdiedout .
Byt hetimei tstoppedbur ningmyst epdad
pour edwat erint here,sur elyhewascool i
ngi t
down.Af t
ert hathel eftedt hedr um andtheyal l
walkedt
othegar
age.That
'
swher
ethev
ideo
ended.
Itseemedlikeavi
deotapebecausei
thadRec,
writt
enont het
opandat i
mest amponthe
bottom whichwas4:
00AM, thedat
ewas
actuall
ystr
ange,i
twasthesamedat emy
mot herdi
sappear
ed.
,,
,
,

Iwasst
il
ldr
owni
ngi
nconf
usi
onwhenDi
gger
cal
l
ed.

"hel
l
o"Ianswer
edont
hef
ir
str
ing.

Hi
m:skadoy
ougotmymessage.

Me:
of'
cozIdi
d.
Hi
m:di
dyouwat
chi
t

Me:yes,Pat
ri
ckwasbur
ningmymother
's
cl
othes,
wheredi
dyougetthi
svi
deo.

Hi
m: Igotmysour ces,apparentl
ybef
oreyour
mother'
sdisappearance,secret
scameraswere
i
nst
alledinyourhouse.
Forsomer easonsunknown,
youwer
ebei
ng
watched.

Me:what
!Why,whoCoul
ddothi
s,andwhat
wer
etheydoi
ngwit
hmysist
er.

Him:IwishIhadansweredtot
hatbutam yett
o
f
indthem, Iwi
ll
keepdi
ggingunti
lIf
indout
whatreal
lyhappenedt
hatday.
Me:
owht
hanky
ousomuch.

Him:Iwill
doany t
hingfory ouskado, t
hisismy
wayofsay i
ngsorryfortakingy ourhomeaway
fr
om you.Iwastoldthehousewasv acant,t
hat
youwer ej
ustt
empor ari
lyrentingtheplace.I
didn'
tknowitwasy ourhouse, ifIhadknownI
wouldn'
thavetakenthepl ace.Am sosor r
y.

Me: i
tsfi
ne,fi
ndmymotherandIwi
l
lfor
giv
e
you.That'
stheonl
ywayyoucanmakeupfor
yourmistake.

Hi
m:ohkthen,Iwil
lhav
emyboy scont
inue
di
ggi
ng,
Iwillkeepyouupdat
ed.

Me:
wai
t,whowast
hatt
all
whi
temani
nthe
v
ideo

Him:Idon'
tknow,Iwi
lldoabackgr
oundcheck
onhimthenIwil
lgetbacktoyoubefor
etheend
oftheday

Me:
ohkIwi
l
lwai
tony
ou

Hewasabouttosaysomethi
ngbutIcutt
he
cal
lassomeoneknockedonmydoor
Iunl
ockedt
hedoorandmom wal
kedi
n.
#ADMI
N
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L
ENTRYFI
FTYNI
NE

#I
MINATHI
Mom wasst
il
lwear
ingherf
luf
fypur
plegown.

"hauithoughtyouhadlef
t,her
ethi
sisy
our
pocketmoney"shehandedmesaR50not e.

Me:wel
lIst
il
lhavesomemoneyl
eft
,yest
erday
Idi
dn'
tbuyanyt
hing.

Her
:sav
eitt
hen,
butt
aket
hisone.

Me:
thankxmom

Shel
ookedatmewi
thahugesmi
l
e.

"what
'
swr
ong"Ihadt
oaskbecauseshekept
gazi
ngatme.

Her:am j
usthappytoseeyoubacktoyour
normalsel
fagain,y
ousmi l
ealott
hisdays.You
tal
kaboutyourfeel
ingsf
reel
yandyouareback
toyournormalbody.
Am j
ustgl
adt
oseey
our
ecov
eri
ngsowel
l
.

Me:it
sallt
hankstoy
ou, Iam gl
adIhavea
motherl
i
key ou,y
ouhavebeent her
eforme
t
hroughi
tall,y
ounevergaveuponme.Thank
you.

Igav
eherawar
m hug,
Icoul
dhearhersni
ff
ing.
Ibr
oket
hehug.

Me:
mah,
what
'sbot
her
ingy
ou.
Her
:it
sNqobi
l
e

(Iknewit
,ever
yti
meshecri
esital
way
shas
somethi
ngtodowithNqobi
l
e).

Me:
youmi
ssher
.

Her:somuch,ICouldn'
ttakei
tanymoresolast
nightIcal
l
edher.Sheansweredthecal
lcol
dly,
thensheaskedmenev ertocal
lhernumber
again.
Sheev engav
eherhusbandt hephone,t
hatboy
i
nsultedme,there'snocursewor dhedi
dn'
tuse,
theycall
edmeawi tchwhowannadest r
oythei
r
marri
age.Cany oubelievethatt
heyhadawhite
weddingonApr i
l andtheydidn'
ti
nvit
eus.
Isawt
heweddi
ngpi
ctur
esonFacebook.
Phumzil
ehadpost editmeaningt
hatshewas
atthewedding.Coul
dNqobilehat
emesomuch
nottoi
nvit
emet oherbi
gday.
WasIt
hatbadofamot
her
.

(Shewipedhert
ear
sandIfel
tbadf
orher
,Ij
ust
didn'
tknowhowtoconsol
eher)

"nomah, y
ouarethegreat
estmom int
he
wholeworl
d.Nqobil
eissti
l
lbli
ndedbyl
ovenot
toseethat
.
Butsoonshewi
llr
eali
zethatsheneedsyou.
Shewill
comeback"Ibrushedherback.

Her'
:Ireall
yhopeso,Imissmydaught
er.Look
atmest ressi
ngyouwit
hmyt r
oublest
his
morning.
Me:itsohky,
Idon'tmind,youhaveal
waysbeen
ther
ef ormeIdon'tseethereasonwhyI
shouldn'
tbether
ef oryou.

Her:
youhavegr
ownsobi
g,t
imesf
li
es,soon
youwil
lbel
eavi
ngusf
ort
heuni
ver
sit
y.

Me:andIwi
l
lal
way
scomebackdur
ingt
he
hol
i
days.

Her:Iknow,
am j
ustgl
ady
oudeci
dedt
ost
ayi
n
school.

Me:andsoam I
,nowgobackt
obedbef
oredad
st
art
stomissyou.

Her
:lethi
m mi
ssme,
fewmi
nut
eswon'
tki
l
lhi
m.
Webothlaughed.Sheki
ssedmyf
orehead
bef
oreexi
ti
ngmyr oom.
Yeahyouheardmeright
,Isaiddad.Mom and
Gcinagott
radi
ti
onal
l
ymar ri
edtwomonthsago.
Mom didn'
twantthemarr
iagebutshehadno
choi
ce.Thefamil
ywasforci
ngher.
Soshefinal
l
yagreed,aweekaf
tert
hei
r
marr
iageGcinamov edi
n.

Hehasbeengoodt
ous,
hei
sagoodmananda
goodf
ather
.
Hejustasmuchl i
keJaden.Hewasagood
husband,
exceptforfewgli
tchesher
eandt
her
e.
Hisfor
mergirl
fr
iendandbabymommacaused
somuchchaosatt imes.
Shewil
lcal
lmom andinsul
ther
,accusi
ngher
ofst
eal
ingherman,shewenttoanextentof
Assaul
ti
ngmom whenshesawheratthemal
l,
shegotphy
sical
,sl
appi
ngmom andcausi
nga
scene.
Mom gotf edup,sheaskedGci natotakeheras
asecondwi febutGcinaref
used.Hesai dhe
didn'tbeli
eveinpoly
gamy ,i
nsteadhe
suggest edthatt
hegirlcanbri
ngt hebabyifshe
can'tli
vewi t
hhim.

Wellthegirlj
umpedatt hechance,
she
pract
icall
ylef
ttheeightmonthsbabyonour
doorstepwithnoclothesandfood.

Mom tookthebaby
,shei
snowrai
singhi
m as
herown.Sheissogoodwi
thhi
m.
HisnameisOwethu,Chri
sNkosi ,andheist he
mostqui
etbaby.Helooksal otli
kehisfather.
It
sgoodhavi
nghim around,Ijustlov
ehisgumy
cutesmi
l
e.Ialwaysplaywit
hhi m everychance
Iget.Wellweoft
enargueaboutholdi
nghi m
wit
hCebobecauseonceCebohol dshi m she
doesn'twannaputhi
m down,shelovebabies.
WellIguessowethuhasbeenablessingtous
al
l.

Itookmystuffandexi
tedmyroom,Iwentt
o
thekit
chen,
tookanappleandbananai
nthe
fri
dge.It
ookabiteontheAppleonmywayout
.

JustasIexi
tedthegat
eacarpar kedri
ghti
n
fr
ontofme,justonel
ookatitandIknewwhoit
was,myheartjumpedinexci
tement,Idi
dn'
t
knowhewasher e.Hedidn'
teventel
lme.

Heopenedthedoorandsteppedoutoft
hecar
,
Ir
antohim andt
hrewmy selfi
ntohi
sarms.
"y
ouareher
e,whendi
dyougether
eandwhy
di
dn'
tyout
ell
mey ouwer
ecoming"

"onequestionatt
hetimebabe,Iwant
edto
surpri
seyou,andIhav
eabusinessmeeti
ng
hererl
atert
hat'
swhyam here"webroket
he
hug.

Iwasst il
lst
ari
ngathim wi
thahugesmileon
myf ace.Iwasjusthappytoseehi
m,i
tfeltl
i
keI
haven'tseenhiminyearswhil
eIwaswi
thhim
j
ustthepr evi
ousweekend.

"soy
ouar
etaki
ngmet
oschool
right
"

Hi
m:of
'cozl
ove.Butf
ir
st.
Unknowingl
y,hesmashedhissof
tli
psunt
o
mine,wekissedf
orawhile.

"damn,,,
mom cancomeoutinanymoment
nowandf induskissi
ng,
shewi
l
lki
ll
us"Isai
d
breaki
ngthekiss.

Him:speaki
ngofher
,youknowwegot
tat
ell
her
aboutusatsomepointr
ight
.

Ikeptqui
et,
heopenedt
hepassengerdoorf
or
meandIgoti t
.
Hegoti
nthedr
iver
'ssi
deandstart
edt
hecar
,
her
ever
sedandjoi
nedtheroad.
Iwasst
il
ldeadqui
et.

"babe,
itsnotl
i
keam r
ushi
ngy
ouorany
thi
ng
am j
ustt
ir
edofpl
ayi
nghi
deandseekwi
thy
ou.
Wehav etotel
lncaneaboutusonewayor
anot
her,Il
oveyouandIdon'twannahi
dethat
fr
om anybody"heheldmyhandandsqueezed
i
t.

Ist
il
lremai
nedqui
et,
itsnotl
ikeIdidn'twant
mom toknowaboutus.Iwasjustafraidt
hat
herr
eacti
ontot
henewswon' tbepleasant.
Whati fwet el
lherthenshechasesusoutof
thehouse, Idon'twannabesel f
ish.Ican'tbe
thereasonmyl it
tl
esisterbecomesast reet
dwelleragain.YesIlovedFiso,butIlovedcebo
moreandIwi lldoanythingtokeephersaf e.

"pl
easesaysomet hi
ng,Idon'tmeant or
ush
youbutwe'
v ebeendati
ngf orawhilenow,
soonerorl
aterncanewil
l l
earnthatIal
ways
comehere,bookintohotel
s,justt
oseey ou"he
sai
d.

Me:it
snotli
keIdon'
twannatel
lheraboutus.
Am j
ustaf
raidofhowshemightreactt
othe
news.
Whatifwetel
lherandthenshedeci
dest
o
chaseceboandIoutofherhouse.
Wear
estil
li
nschool
,Idon'
twannagobackt
o
t
hest
reet
sagai
n.

Hi
m:whati
fwetel
lherandshereactdi
ff
erent
ly
t
hanhowyout
hinkshemightr
eact.
Besi
desIhaveaplacenow,
ifshechasesy
ou
out,
youwil
lstaywit
hme.

Me:youstayinJo'
burg,
whataboutschool
,
whatwil
lhappentocebo'seducat
ion.
Him:am wor
kingbabe,
andIam pl
anni
ngon
st
art
ingmyowncompanysoon,Iearnenough
soIwil
lbeabl
et ot
akecar
eofyouboth.

Me:
Ijustdon'
twannabeabur
dent
oyou.

Hi
m:owhsoi
sthatwhaty
out
hinky
ouwi
l
lbe
t
ome

(
Hisf
aci
alexpr
essi
onchanged)

Me:noIdi dn'tmeantoputitli
ket hat,
Imean
wear estil
lyoung.Thi
ngswon' tal
way sbethi
s
j
oll
ybet weenus.Theywillcomeat imewhere
youwi l
lgettir
edofme, y
ouwi llhateli
vingwi
th
us,youwi l
lseeusasgolddi ggerswhower e
aft
ery ourmoney ,y
ouwillcontrolMejust
becauseofthefactthatyoupr
ovi
def
orme,
you
wil
lstar
tthi
nkingthatyouownme.
qui
tef
rankl
yIdon'
twannar
elyonaman.

Hi
m:owhohk

Icoul
dseet
hathewasbot
her
edbyt
his.

"butwecantellheri
fthat
'sr
eall
ywhatyou
want"Isai
dtr
yingtodampent hemood.

"wowr
eal
l
y"hesmi
l
edwi
del
y.

Me:
yesbutnott
oday
.

Hi
m;howaboutnextweekend
Me:
soundsgood.

Hi
m:wowIl
ovey
ou

Heat
tempt
edt
oki
ssme"heyt
her
oad"Isai
d

Heturnedhisfocusbacktotheroad,he
coul
dn'tcont
ainhishappi
ness.Ifoundmysel
f
smil
ingjustf
orseeinghim happy
.
Thi
smanwast
rul
ymywor
ld.
*
*
*
*
Hepar
kedi
nfr
ontoft
heschool
gat
esandwe
shar
edabr
iefki
ssbef
oreIhoppedof
fthecar
.

"whenwi
l
lyoubeout
"hecal
l
edout
.

Me:
13:
00pm.

Hi
m:Iwi
l
lfet
chy
ou,
Ihav
easur
pri
sef
ory
ou.

Me:
Ican'
twai
t.

Iwav ehim goodby

eashedroveoff
,Iwal
ked
towardstheschoolpr
emisesj
ustaft
erhi
scar
disappeared.Mymindwassti
l
lwrappedaround
him.
HewassosweetAndki
nd, Ir
eal
l
ywasluckyto
havehi
m.Butmyhappi
nesswasshor
tli
v edas
whatIsawi
nthevi
deocreepedi
nmymi nd.
WhatifMrNkosi
wasabadperson,
whati
f
Sfi
so'
sfamil
yist
her
easonwhymymom is
gone.
Whatiftheyarethebadguys,
whatwillhappen
t
ous, howwi l
lIl
ookatSfi
so,wil
lIst
il
ll
ov ehim
l
ikeIdor i
ghtnow.
Myhear
tcr
ingedatt
het
houghtofl
oosi
nghi
m.
Ir
eal
l
ydidn'
twannabeapartfr
om hi
m.My
moodtur
nedsouri
nthati
nstant,
Iwentt
ocl
ass.
Amat
hsl
essonwasaboutt
ost
art
.

Weal
ltookoursi
ts.

"todaywehav eav i
sit
orwit
hus, hewi l
lassi
st
youguyswi thanyprobl
emsy oumi ghthave
withmaths,heusedt obeapupilatthisschool
andnowi sdoinghissecondyearasapi lot,
pleasewelcomeSeth"MrSt anford,ourmaths
t
eachersai
d.

Wit
hinmoment sSethwal kedint
otheclass.He
l
ookedsogood, Ihadforgott
enthattheywere
homeforschoolholi
days.

Kidsscreamed,somewhi st
led,
maki
ngal
lki
nds
ofnoise.Helookedr
ightatmeandsmil
ed,I
bl
ushed.

Mrs: sil
ence(hesl ammedt hisdeskand
every
onekeptqui et)Sethwill
siti
nf r
ont,wewi l
l
conti
nuedwi t
halgebra,aft
erthatIwillgi
v eyou
fewpr obl
emst osolve,whoeverhasapr oblem
withalgebrawi l
laskSet hf
orassistance,then
aft
erourf i
fteenmi nutesbreakSethwi l
lteach
youfinancialmaths.Ar ewecl ear
.
Cl
ass:
yessi
r.

Set
htookasiti
nthef
rontdeski
twasi
nmyr
ow,
andwasthr
eedesksf
rom mine.
Hekeptst
ari
ngbackatmeasMrswasbusyon
t
heboard.

Afterhewasdonegivingusfewproblemst o
solvemostgir
lswentstrai
ghttoSeth,am sur
e
theyweren'
tevent
alkingaboutal
gebra,they
j
ustlikedget
ti
ngclosertothehotguy.

Icont
inuedsolv
ingmypr oblems,wellal
gebra
wasn'
tmuchofapr oblem tome, Iwasquite
goodatit,
butfi
nancial mathsont heothersi
de,
gavemehel l
,Ij
ustdidn'tunderst
andit.It
showedmer ealfl
ames.
Aft
eranhourMrSwentaroundcheckingour
answer
s,andasal
ways,
Igoteveryt
hingri
ght.
Aft
erhewasdoneChecki
ngwewentt
oour
fi
ft
eenminut
esbr
eak.
Idi
dn'treal
l
yl eavethecl
ass,It
ookoutmyt ext
bookandci rcl
edfewf i
nanci
alquest
ionst
hatI
di
dn'tunderstand.

"youdon'
twannar
est
"av
oicesai
d,hi
scol
ogne
fi
l
ledmynose.
Il
ookedupandhewasst
andi
ngi
nfr
ontofme.

Me:
owhhey

Hi
m:hi
,sowhatar
eyoubusywi
th

Me:
justchoosi
ngf
ewpr
obl
emst
hatIwi
l
lneed
hel
pwi
thSi
r.

Hi
m:(l
aughs)pl
easedon'
tcal
lmet
hat
,you
di
dn'
tneedhel
pwithal
gebra.

Me:
nop,am goodinalgebra,
financial
mat
hsi
s
t
heonl
ythi
ngt hatIdon'
tunderstand.

Hi
m:i
tsqui
teeasy
,oncey
ougett
hehangofi
t.

Me:
Ihopeso,
uhm sowhendi
dyoucomeback.

Him:twoday
sago,
Itr
iedcal
l
ingy
oubuty
ou
phonewasoff.

Me:ahithasabatt
erypr
obl
em, Ineedanew
bat
ter
y.DidyoucomewithSar
ah.
Him:yes,
shesai
dshewi
l
lbecomi
ngt
oyour
housetomor
row.

Me:
can'
twai
ttoseeher
,Imi
ssher
.

Hi
m:shemi
ssesy
out
oo.Ial
somi
ssedy
ou.

Me:l
olIt
houghty
out
haty
ouwi
l
lbet
ooBusyt
o
mi
ssme.

Hi
m:nomatt
erhowbusyIcanget
,Iwi
l
lal
way
s
mi
ssyou.

Me:
that
'sni
ce.
Hi
m:socanIpl
easebuyy
oul
unch.

Me:
yes.
..

Hi
m:andcanIdr
ivey
ouhomeaf
tert
hel
essons.

Me:no,may
besomeot
hert
ime,
someonei
s
f
etchi
ngme.

Hi
m:aguy
..
..

Me:
yes.Howdi
dyouknow.

Hi
m: l
uckyguess.
..
..
am j
ustki
ddi
ngy
ouar
e
bl
ushi
ng.
Me:
noam not
.

Hi
m:unf
ort
unat
elyy
ouar
e,sowhoi
she.

Me:
myboy
fri
end.

Hi
m:someoneIknow.

Me,
:may
be.

Hi
m: owhk,
(hel
ookeddi
sappoi
ntedf
orsome
r
eason).

Me:y
ouhavetogot
oyourdesk,
theot
her
sar
e
comi
ngback.
Hi
m:i
tsgoodseei
ngy
ou,
youl
ookbeaut
if
ul.

Hequickl
yplantedakissonmyf orehead
bef
oreIevenbl i
nked,
heflashedasmi l
ethen
wenttothef
r ontasmorekidsstar
tedcomi ng
i
n.

Mostgi rl
sgavemenastylooks,IguessIwas
nowt heenemybecauseIwasseenchi t
chatti
ngwi t
hthehott
eacher.Iguesstheywi
ll
sl
aught ermewhentheyseemewi thhi
m dur
ing
break.

#ADMI
N
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYSI
XTY
#NQOBI
LE
It
ookof
fmyblouse,i
twassopai
nful
,I
twas
ev
enhar
dformet obreat
he.
Istar
edatmysel
fonthemir
rorandIl
ookedl
i
ke
Ihadbeenhi
tbyacarorsomethi
ng.
Ihadbrui
sedribsandmyneckwassor ed,my
stomachhadbr uises,
that
'swher
eheki
ckedme
themostlastnight.

Lookingatmyselfi
nthemir
rorIcoul
dn'
t
recogni
zethefaceIsaw.
Iwasbashedandbr oken.Ihadabust
edl
ip,
swol
lencheekbonesandaswol l
enlef
tey
e.
Mylef
tearfel
tsl
i
ght
lybl
ocked,
Iwas
unr
ecogni
zabl
e.
Tear
sfel
lconti
nuousl
yasIkeptst
ar i
ngat
mysel
fonthatmirr
or,
Iwassti
llcr
yingwhen
Bri
ancamei
ntother
oom.Hewasay
earol
d
nowandhecoul
dwalk.
Hewasver
ynaughty
,helookedsohor
ri
bleand
afowl
smellf
il
ledmyroom.
"heywenawhathavey oudone"Irushedtohi
m,
i
tlooksli
kehepul
ledouthisPamperswhich
hadshit
,andheappli
edtheshiti
nhisfaceand
cl
othes.

"bukakutsiunj
ani
"Iwassoangr
y,Igr
abbedhi
s
armroughly,t
ookmyShoeandgavehim
multi
plestr
okesonhisbut
t.
Hest
art
edwail
i
ngloudl
ybutInev
erst
opped,
I
wasj
ustsof
uri
ous.
Itossedt
heshoeonthefl
oor
.Draggedhi
mi nt
o
thebathr
oom,f
il
ledt
hetubwit
hcoldwaterand
placedhi
min.
Heweptsol
oud,
Iguesst
hecol
dwat
erdi
dn'
t
doanygoodt
ohi
sski
n.

"bi
ndza!
,bindza!angit
siut
iny
ele"Ishout
ed.I
sl
appedhishandt wiceandhekeptquiet

Iwashedhissti
nki
ngbodywitht
hecol
dwat er
.I
tookofft
heT-shi
rthewasweari
ngandlef
titi
n
thewater
.Itookhi
m outandpat
tedhi
m dry
withatowel

Il
efthi
m nakedwhi
l
eIwashedt
heT-
shi
rt
.

Jetwasnotar ound,
andIwasGladthathe
wasn't,becausewhenhewashomehet ur
ned
mei ntohispunchingbag.Hebeatmeforever
y
l
it
tlething.
Iwil
lgetbeat
enfornotcl
osingthewi
ndowsin
ti
me,fornotWashi
ngthedishes,f
ort
hehouse
bei
ngdust
y.Fornoti
roni
nghi
scl
othespr
oper
ly.

I
tsli
keIhadbecomeachil
di nt
hishouse,
Igot
di
sci
pli
nedforever
yli
tt
let
hingIdi
d.
Henev
erSawanyr
ighti
nme,
Iwasal
way
s
wr
ong.
Hedi
dn'
tsleephomeandwhenhecameback
i
nthemorningIwasn'
tsupposedt
oaskwher e
hewascomi ngf
rom.I
fIdareaskIgotbeat
en.
Iwasal
wayswr
ong.Not
hingIeverdi
dpl
eased
hi
m.Icoul
ddonori
ghti
nhiseyes.
Rightnowmybodyi
sinpai
nsbecauseIgott
he
beati
ngofmyli
fel
astni
ght
.
Hebeatmer
ightaf
termymom cal
l
ed.
HesaidIwasthereasonmom cal
led,
he
accusedmeofcommuni cat
ingwi
thmom
behindhi
sback.
Hesai
dIwasr
epor
ti
nghi
mtomymom sohe
wastry
ingt
ogetmebacki
ntol
i
net
hat
'
swhyhe
beatme.
Icr
iedandbeggedhi mtostopbuthenev erdid,
hebeatmeunt i
lIwasunconscious,t
henhel eft
meont hatcol
dfloorandl
eft,
Iwokeupi nt he
middl
eoft heni
ghtwithbl
oodev er
ywhere,Iwas
socold,andBri
anwassitt
ingri
ghtbesideme.
Mysonhadbeencr yi
ng,hi
svoi
cewasnow
hoar
se,Igotup,
tri
edli
ft
inghi
m upbutIfai
l
ed,
soIwalkedhimtomybedandt r
iedget
ti
nghim
tosl
eep,
Icl
eanedmy
sel
fthenGoti
ntobedwi
thhi
m.
"
"
"
Thi
smorningwhenIwokeupIsearchedf
ormy
phoneev
erywher
ebutIcoul
dn'
tfi
ndit.
I
twasobv
ioust
hatj
ett
ooki
twi
thhi
mlastni
ght
.
Iwant
edtocal
l mom andtel
lherwhatam
goi
ngthr
ough,Ineededtogetoutofher
e
bef
orehebeat
smet odeat
h.
NowIhadnowheret
ogobecausej
ustl
i
ke
usual
hehadl
ockedmeint
hehouse.

Icleanedmywoundsandappl i
edsomeoils,
thenIdressedBri
an, Iwentt
othekit
chenand
dishedfoodforhim befor
eIstar
tedcl
eani
ng
thehouse,ever
ythi
ngneededt obespotl
ess
beforehecomesback.
*
*
*
Icl
eanedanddustedt
hewholehouse,imade
sur
eev er
ythi
ngwascompl
etel
yclean.
I
twassopainf
ulandhar
dgett
ingbybutIhad
nochoi
ce,
ifhecomesbackt
oadi r
tyhousehe
wasgonnabeatmeagai
n.

Aftercl
eani
ngIstar
tedwit
ht hepots,
Icooked
pap,braai
edworsandgravy.Imadesure
everyt
hingwasperf
ectbef
or ehecomesback.

Iwasaboutt
oir
ont
hecl
otheswhenhecame
back.

Iwasi
nt hel
ounge,heunl
ockedThedoorand
wal
kedin,Br
ianrantohi
m.
Helif
tedhi
m up,
Iwasf
aci
ngt
heopposi
te
di
recti
on.
Idi
dn'
tevenl
ookathi
m,Icont
inuedwi
thmy
i
roni
ng.

"heyboy
,heyboy
.Youwer
eeat
ing,
"hepl
ayed
wi
thBr
ianf
orawhi
l
ebef
orepl
aci
nghi
m down.

"heybabe"hehel
dmef
rom behi
ndbutI
twi
tchedinpai
n.

"am sor
ry"hesai
d.

Ikeptqui
etandcont
inuedwi
thwhatIwas
doing.

"pleasel
ookatme"Iknewbet
ternottoobey
hiscommandssoIturned,
hegaspforai
raft
er
seeingme.

"damnam sor rybabe,Idi

dn'tmeant
odothis,
i
tsjustthatyoubri
ngthewor sti
nme.Youturn
mei nt
ot hi
sbeastIdon'twannabe.
Whydon'
tyouobeyme,whydon'
tyoudo
ev
ery
thi
ngIsaysothatwecanli
vepeacef
ull
y
Whydoy
ouprovokeme,
nowl
ookwhaty
ou
mademedo"hesai
d.

Tearsj
uststreameddownmycheeks,
somehowIf eltl
i
kehewasright
,itwasmyf
aul
t,
Iwasprovokinghim.Hel
ovedmeandIwas
prov
oki
nghi m.

"am sorr
yforprovoki
ngy
ou"Ifi
nal
l
ysaid."I
promiseIwil
lobeyyouFr
om nowon"Iadded.

Hi
m:t
hat
'smygi
rl
.

Heheldmycheekswi
thbot
hhands,
hewas
hur
ti
ngmebutIremai
nedstr
ong.
Heki
ssedmyf
orehead.

"nowbr
ingmyf
oodam hungr
y"hesai
d.
Iwentt
otheKi
tchen,war
medhisf
oodand
pl
acediti
natr
ay,Itooki
ttot
hesi
tt
ingr
oom.
Ipl
acedi
nont
het
abl
e.

"Itooky
ourphone,
iwi l
lkeepitwit
hmef r
om
nowonbecauseiti
st heonethatismaki
ngus
fi
ghtsoam t
akingi
t,areweclear"hesai
d

Inoddedwit
ht ear
sburni
ngmyey
es,
Godwhat
didIdotodeservethi
s

Him:cont
inuewit
hthei
roni
ng,
Iwill
gotothe
chemistt
ogetyousomemedicat
ionfory
our
wounds
Me:
thanky
ou

Him:owhandIwantanot
herbaby.Bri
ani
sold
enoughnow.I
tst
imehehasay oungersi
ster
.

Me:
yes.

Hi
m: t
oni
ghtwewi
llbemakingt
hatbaby
,am
pr
ett
ysur
eitsy
ourovul
ati
onper
iodri
ght
.

Me:
yesi
tis.

Hi
m:goodt
hen,
itst
heper
fectt
ime.

Heat
ehi
sfoodandmyhear
tbl
ed,
mysonhad
j
ustturnedayearol
djustt
womont
hsback,
he
wasn'tol
denough.
Hest i
l
lneededloveandcare.Iknewf orafact
thatonceanotherbabycomesintothepi ct
ure
thefocuswasgonnashi f
tfr
om Br i
ant othe
newborn,mysonwasgonnabenegl ectedandI
didn'
twantthat.

Icont
inuedi
roni
ngwithmil
li
onthoughtsinmy
head,
butmost l
yIwasprayi
ng.Isi
lent
lypray
ed
toGodnottogivemeanotherchil
dsosoon.
I
nfactIdi
dn'
twantasecondchi
l
dwi
tht
his
monster.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#SETH

Iwatchedwi
thapainful
lumpasI migoti
nsi
de
themaroonBMW,Icoul dn'
tcl
earl
yseewho
wasdr i
vi
ngbecauseIwasabitfar.
ButIwasdefi
nit
elysur
eIsawherkissi
ngthe
guy,af
terf
ewmi nut
esthecardr
oveoff.
Igotinmycarsl
ammedthedoorandhi
tthe
steer
ingi
nfr
ustr
ati
on.
Ri
ghtt
henmyphonebeepedIcheckedit
,and
cl
i
ckedmytongueuponseei
ngit
scontent.
Mxm itwasheragai
n,shehadsentanaked
pi
ctur
eofhersel
fshowingherhuget
ummy .
Shewasal mostSev
enmont
hsonher
pregnancy
.
Shehadahugesmi
l
eandhadwr
it
ten"wemi
ss
youdaddy"

Thisgir
lwasmywor stnight
mar
e,areminderof
thathorr
ibl
emi
stakeImade.Shejustknewhow
toruinmyday,
afterrui
ningmyl
if
e.

"Pr
eci
ous".
..
mxm thesoundoft
henameal
one
wasenoughtot
hrowmymoodunderthebus.
Ihatedthatgi
rlwit
hev er
yfiberi
nmybody.
Aft
erthedeceitf
ulstuntshepull
edIthi
nki
ts
underst
andableformet oresenther
.
It
hinki
twasherpl
ant
oputmyl
i
fei
ntoan
i
mpendi
ngt
urmoi
l
.

Shetol
dmeshet ookthemorni
ngaft
erpi
ll,
then
shewentt
of r
eestat
e,Inev
erhear
dfrom her
agai
nunti
lthr
eemonthsago.
*
*
*
I
twasafterIhadj
ustat
tendedmyf i
rstl
esson
whenshesentmeaphot oshowingherl
itt
le
bumpandababyscannerwiththecapti
on
"
it
sagi
rl
,you
gonnabeadaddy
"

Atfi
rstIt
ookt hi
sasasickjokeoraprankof
somesor tbecauseIdi
dn'
tevenrecogni
zethe
number,Ihaddeletedi
tonmyphone.SoI
i
gnor
edt
het
ext
.

Butl
atert
hatdayshesentanothert
extsay
ing
weneedtotal
kaboutthepregnancy.
Thi
swasgetti
ngser
iousSoIcall
edt
henumber
sheanswer
edonthefi
rstr
ing.

*
**
Her
:fi
nal
l
yyoucal
l
ed.

Me:huh,whoam It
alki
ngt
oandwhydoy
ou
keepsendi
ngmemessage.

Her:heee,
ist
hisasi
ckjokeorwhat
,arey
ou
crazysoyouwannapret
endli
keyoudon'
t
remembermeany mor
e
Me:
excuseme,
what
?

Her:
youknowwhat
,letmesav
eyout
he
hear
tache.
I
tsPreci
ous,t
heoneyoubangedaty
ourhouse
dur
ingtheDecemberhol
i
days.
Remembermenow.
Yoursi
ster
'sf
ri
end,
theoney
ouused.

Me:
preci
ous,
howcanIhel
pyou.

Her
:hel
pme?Ar
eyoucr
azy
,di
dn'
tyour
eadmy
t
ext
.
Yousleptwi
thmeandwebot hknowwhat
happenedsoam pr
egnantandi
tsyour
s.

Me:
what
,how?
,It
houghty
ousai
dyout
ookt
he
mor
ningaf
terpi
l
l.

Her
:wel
lIdi
dn'
t,
Ifor
got
.

Me:butIcal
l
edi
nthemorni
ngt
or emi
ndyou
andyoutol
dmethaty
ouhadal
readyt
akeni
t.

Her
:wel
lIdi
dn'
t.
IfoundoutIwaspr egnantthat
'
swhyImov edto
freestat
e,t
hisi
sy ourbaby ,
andit
sagirl.Ididn'
t
maket hi
sbabyalonesoIt houghti
tsOnl yfair
thatIl
etyouknowsot hatyoucanatt
ainy our
responsi
bil
i
tyasaf ather.

Me:
whatt
hehel
l
,wast
hisy
ourpl
anoft
rappi
ng
me.
Her:whoadon'tgetaheadofyour
self
,Inever
plannedt
ot r
apyouwi t
hanythi
ng.Am not
beggingyoutobeapar tofy
ourchil
d'
slif
e.It
shouldbeyourchoice.
Ij
ustdon'tthinkyouar ethetypeofguythat
wouldlethischil
dsuf ferbecauseofhi
sshi t
ty
ego.Ididn'
tthinkyouar ethetypeofmant hat
shyawayf r
om hi sresponsibi
li
ty.

Me:youknowwhatIcan'
tdot
hisr
ightnow,
I
needsometi
me.

Her:
ify
oudon'
twantthi
sbabyt
henf
ine,
wewi
l
l
st
ayawayf
rom you.

Wit
hthatsaidshecutt
hecall.Iwasleftfeel
ing
badandguil
tyforsomereason,If
eltli
keGod
wassortofpunishi
ngmeformypr omi scuous
l
i
fe.

Il
aidawakeal
lnightt
hatday,
Icoul
dn'
tev
en
concent
rat
eatschoolfort
henextf
ewdays.
Iwasbat
tl
ingwi
thmyi
nnersel
fonwhatt
odo.

Ifi
nall
ytextedherafteraweek,Itol
dherI
wantedtobeapar tofmychil
d'
sl i
fesoIwas
wil
li
ngtosuppor therthr
oughoutthepregnancy
,
andthenIwasgonnat el
lmypar ent
saboutthe
babyaftershewasbor n.
Iwasgonnat
akecar
eofmybabybutIwant
ed
not
hingt
odowithpr
eci
ous.
IsendhermyR1000pocketmoneyev
ery
monthforherneeds.

Iwasjustgonnabeaf
athert
omychi
l
dnot
hing
more.
*
*
*
Iguessitshardforpreci
oust
ogetthati
ntoher
thickskul
l,
shekeepssendingmehernaked
pictur
eandi r
ri
tati
ngmessagest
hathasnothi
ng
todowi ththepregnancy
.
IguessImademyownbedandnowi
twast
ime
tolayoni
t.
*
*

It
ossedthephoneont
hepassengerseatand
st
art
edthecar.
Idr
ovestr
aighttoSli
kybari
ntown,
Ineeded
somet
hingstrongtohel
pmecalm down
Iparkedmycart henwal kedi ntothebar,I
orderedadoubl eshot ,andgul peditdownat
once, If
rownedati tsbi t
ter ness,myey es
wonder edaroundt hedi mr oom andatt he
cornerweregr oupofguy s,looksli
ketheywere
pl
ay i
ngcar dsandci garet tesmokehadf ormed
athickcloudov erThei rheads, t
hroughthe
mistysmokeIsawaf ami li
arf ace.
Af aceInev
ert houghtIwil
lseeagain.Icoul
dn'
t
beli
evemyey es,wasi tr
eal
l
yhim,wast hisa
tr
ickorsomething.Itookalonghardlookat
hi
m.
Ibat
tl
edmy
sel
fonwhatIshoul
ddo.
Iwast
rappedbet
weenar
ockandahar
dpl
ace.

#admi
n.
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYSI
XTYONE

#I
MINATHI

Ihadthegreat
estti
mewi thSf
iso,
het
ookmet
o
somef ancyr
estaur
antthenwewentt
ohis
hotel
room andmadel ove.
mydaywasl i
keafai
ryt
ale.Hewasaper
fect
gent
leman,
aKnighti
nshi ni
ngar
mor

"pleasespendt
henightwi
thme"hesuggest
ed
forthetent
hti
me,hehadparkedt
wohouses
awayf r
om home.
I
twasar
ound17:
30
Me:Idon'tt
hinkitwi
l
lbepossi
ble,
wher
ewoul
d
Isayam goingtomom.

Him:
youwi l
ltel
lheryouar
espendi
ngt
heni
ght
ataf
riend'
splaceorsomethi
ng.

Me:
butIhav
eschool
tomor
row.

Hi
m:Iwi
l
ldr
ivey
out
oschool
.

Me:
idon'
tknowaboutt
his.

Hi
m:pl
ease,
pleasel
ove.

Hesqui
ntedhi
seyesandImelt
edal
most
i
mmediatel
yathi
scutef
ace.
Me:
fineIwi
l
lmakeapl
an

Hi
m:ar
eyousur
e.

Me:
yes,
youwi
l
lfet
chmear
oundsev
en.

Him:yes!Ican'
twai
ttospendt
heni
ghtwi
th
you.

Weki
ssedbef
orei
steppedoutofhi
scar
.
Iwal
kedhomef
eel
i
ngal
lki
ndsofscar
ed.
Iwasscaredbecauseiwaslat
e,andthef
act
thatIwasgonnali
e,Ineededt
obuil
daperfect
beli
evabl
eli
e.
It
ookmyphoneandcal
l
edSar
ahsheanswer
ed
af
terawhi
l
e.
Her
:Nat
hy,
hi.

Me:
heygi
rl
,yougood

Her:
am great,
iwasgonnacal
lyoubef
oreI
sl
eep,Iguessyoubeatmetoi
t.

Me:
yeah,
Ihear
dyouar
eback.

Her:y
eah,Icamebacktwodaysback,Itri
ed
cal
l
ingyoubutyourphonedi
dn'
tgot hrough.
Am comingtoseeyoutomor
row.

Me:
that
'sgreat,Ihav
etwosubject
stoatt
endi
n
t
hemorning,butIwil
lbeoutbef
ore12:
00pm.
Her
:thenIWill
bether
ebefor
e13:
30,
sowhen
l
astdidyouspeakt
oAy a.

Me: t
hreedaysago,shesai
dshewon'tbehere
thi
sholiday
s,shehasalotofassi
gnmentsand
proj
ectstogetthr
ough.
ThepersonIhav
en'thear
dfrom i
nawhi l
eis
presh,
haveyoutal
kedtoherrecent
ly.

Her
:notforawhil
e,Il
astt
alkedt
ohert
wo
monthsago,shet
oldmeshewaspregnant

Me:
wow,
real
l
y

Her
:yes

Me:
sowho'
sthebabydaddy
.
Her:
sheref
usedtotel
lmet
hename,shesai
d
shewasGonnatel
lmesomeothert
ime.

Me: owh,
yoh,Iguesscongr
atulat
ionsarein
order,
youshouldcont
acther,
weshoul dthrow
herababyshower.

Her:t
hatsoundsnicebutwhati
fshehas
al
readygavebir
th.

Me:ei
sh.
..Thenwewi
l
ljustbuyt
hebabysome
st
uff
.

Her
:soundsl
i
keapl
an.

Me:
any
way
,Ical
l
edbecauseIneedy
ourhel
p.I
wannaspendt
heni
ghtatmyBf'
spl
aceandI
needt
ocomeupwithagoodli
etot
ell
mom.

"di
dIjusthearyour
ight
,di
dyousayboy
fri
end,
youhaveaboy f
ri
end"shescr
eamed.

Me: l
olof
'cozIhav
eaboy
fri
end,
am 20f
orgod
sake.

Her:yeey(shepract
ical
l
yscreamed)whoi
she,
whendoIgett oseehim.Ishecut
e,ishef
rom
school.Omgisitsomeoneiknow.

Me:
geezcomedown,Iwil
ltel
lyouever
ythi
ng
t
omorr
ow.FornowIneedyoutovouchforme
t
omymom.
Whensheaskstel
lheram comi
ngovert
oyour
housesot
hatyoucanhelpmewithmy
account
ing.

Her:
damnInev
erdr
eamtIwi
l
lev
erheary
ou
saythi
s.
Damny
ougogi
rl
.

Me:
stopt
easi
ngGi
rl
,wi
l
lyoudoi
t.

Her
:hel
lyes,
am j
ustgl
ady
ouf
oundsomeone.

Me:
thanxf
ri
end,
youar
eal
i
fesav
er.

Her;well
honeythi
slif
esaverwantst
ohearal
l
aboutthi
smy st
eryguytomorrow

Me:
Ipr
omi
se,
Iwi
l
ltel
lyouev
ery
thi
ng.
Wetalkedmorebef
oreIcutt
hecal
l
.Iwal
ked
i
ntothehouseandmom wascooki
ngdi
nner
.

"ev
eni
ng"Igr
eet
edsi
tt
ingont
hechai
r.

Her:
iyeh,It
houghty
ougotki
dnappedor
something.

Me:
hawhy.

Her:i
sthi
stheti
mey ouguyscomebackfr
om
school
,ImeanIthoughtonweekendsy
ou
camebackearl
y.

Me:uhm y
eahwegotoutear
ly,butmystudy
gr
oupandIdeci
dedt
ogot othelibr
aryt
ostudy
economi
cssi
ncei
tseemi
ngl
ygi
vesusahar
d
ti
me.

Her
:ohk,
youshoul
dhav
ecal
l
ed,
Iwaswor
ri
ed.

Me:
sor
rymah,
Ifor
got
.

Her
:it
sfi
ne.

Me:
wher
e'sCebo?

Her
:shewentt
otheTuckshopt
obuyai
rti
me.
Shej
ustl
eft
,youmi
ssedher
.

Me:
owh,
uhm mom.
Her
:whati
sitnow.

Me:
wel
l
,Sar
ahi
sback.

Her
:wowt
hat
'sni
ce.

Me: uhm si
nceshewasgoodInaccount
ing,
I
askedhertohelpme.soshesuggest
edIcome
overtoni
ghtsothatshewi
ll
teachme.

Her
:buti
tsal
readyl
ate.

Me:
am gonnasl
eepatherpl
ace.

Her
:howaboutschool
tomor
row.
Me:
Iwi
l
lgowi
thmybooksandcl
othes.

Her
:ai
boy
ouar
est
udy
ingt
oomuch,
youneed
t
orest
.

Me: wel
lIwi
llr
estaf
terIhav
epassedmymat r
ic,
besi
desIwil
lhaveawholeweektorestbef
ore
schoolr
e-opens.
Ineedthi
s,Ineeddi
sti
nct
ionsi
nor
dert
ogeta
bursar
y.

Her:am gl
ady outakeyourschoolwor
k
ser
iousl
y,youcango, y
oucant akemycar
,Iwi
l
l
useyourfather'
s.

Me:noneed,
Sar
ahisatthemall
,shewi
ll
pass
byandpi
ckmeup,Iwil
lfi
ndheronthemain
st
reet
.
Her:owh,
ohkt
hen,
soy
ouwi
l
lleav
ewi
thout
eat
ing.

Me:noshewil
lcomear
oundsev
en,ri
ghtnowI
needt
obathandpackmyout
fi
tfort
omorrow.

Her
:OK,
letmef
ini
shupwi
tht
hepot
s.

Istoodupwenttomyroom,Iwasall
smiles,
I
tookmyphoneandsentatextt
oFisotel
l
ing
himt hatwewer
eonforToni
ght
.
Iwentt
otakeaqui
ckshower,
wor
emyt
rack
pant
sandvestwi
thsl
eeper
s.

Ipackedadress,pant
iesandsneaker
sinmy
bag,IalsopackedthebooksthatIwasgonna
needf
ort
omor
row.

Aft
erthatIwenttoki
tchen.Mom hadalready
sett
het abl
e,dadandcebowerealreadyther
e.

"youneedtoeatf
ast,
Ical
l
edSar
aht oconf
ir
m
yourst
oryandshesai
dshewasal
readyonher
way"mom said

Me:
yebomah.Li
shoni
l
ebabe.

Gcina:
evening,
thi
sschool
doesn'
twannagi
ve
youanyrestne.

Me:
eisht
hisi
sthewor
stgr
adeev
er.

Gci
na:
kunj
alo,
standar
dteni
sver
ydi
ff
icul
t,but
youdon'
thavetoworr
ybecausey
ouar
e
sweat
ingfort
helastt
ime.

Me:
yahneh.Hi
cebo

Her
:hi
sis.
Me:
didy
oual
sobuymeai
rt
ime.

Her
:nop,
youdi
dn'
tsayy
ouneededi
t.

Me:
Iwi
shIwer
eyou,
enj
oyi
ngt
hehol
i
day
s.

Her:don'
tev
enwi
shi
t,i
tsbor
ingher
e,Iev
en
missschool
.

Me:
lol
funny
,Idon'
tev
enmi
ssi
t.I
nfactIwi
shI
wasdone.

Her
:andIwi
shIwer
eyou,
youar
eal
mostdone.

Me:
IjusthopeIwi
l
lpass.

Gcina:
don'
twor
ryyouwil
l
,Imeany
ouhav
e
beenworki
ngsohard.

Aft
erdishi
ngmom satwi
thOwet
huonherl
ap
andfedhim.
Weat
ewhi
l
ehav
ingaf
unnyconv
ersat
ion.

Af
tereat
ingweclear
edthet
abl
e,mom anddad
wi
thwethuwenttothel
oungewhi
leCeboandI
washedthedi
shes.
Me:
sowhatdi
dyouwannat
alkaboutl
astni
ght
.

(shekeptqui
etf
orawhi
l
e)

Me:
Cebo.
..

Her
:mmmh

Me:what'
swrong,y
oulooktroubl
ed,y
ouno
l
ongert
alk,y
ouarenotthatbubbl
yceboIknow.

Her
:owhsoy
ounot
iced,

Me:
whatdoy
oumean.

Her
:not
hing,
am j
ustsur
pri
sedt
oknowt
haty
ou
not
iced

Me:what'
ssurpri
singaboutt
hat
,am y
oursi
ster
of
'cozInot
iced

Her
:youhaven'
tbeenmuchofasi
sterf
ora
whi
lenow.

Me:
that
'snott
rue.

Her:
t el
lmet hen,
whenlastdi
dweengagei
na
conversat
ion,whenl
astdidyouact
ual
l
ytal
kto
me.

Ikeptqui
et.

Her
:see,
youdon'
tev
enr
emember
,you'
ve
sideli
nedme.Youstoppedseeingmeasy our
sister.Wear
elikest
ranger
sNow, youareso
focusedinyourownlif
ethaty
ouf orgotI
existed.
Ther
e'ssomuchIwannasharewi
thyoubutI
can'
tbecausey
ouhavebecomeastr
angerto
me.
I
tsl
i
keIdon'
texi
sti
nyourl
i
feany
mor
e.
Tel
lmesi
s,whendi
dyoust
opcari
ngaboutme.
Whendi
dyoubecomesosel
fi
sh.

"cebopl easedon' ttal

klikethat,am notselfi
sh
Ijustpassedt hr
oughal ot,am sorryIsi
delined
youIwasj usttr
yingt ofi
gur eoutawayf or
ward
formyl i
fe.Am sor ryIneglectedy ouinthe
process.
Pleasefor
giveme,youaremyonl
yfamil
y,
there'
snothi
ngIwouldn'
tdof
oryou.
"Isai
dwi
th
alumpi nmyt hr
oat
.
Itfel
tpai
nfulhear
ingNomcebotal
kinglikethat
.
Iunderst
oodwher eshewascomingfrom.We
reall
yhadbecomest r
anger
s,Ihav
en'ttalked
withherforawhil
enow.

Her:i
t'
sohk,
Ifor
giv
eyou,
Ijustwantmysi
ster
back.
IwantmyMimi back.Thesi
sterwhowoul
d
j
umpt hr
oughhoopsf orme

(Ismi l
ed,shehadn'tcall
edmeMi miforawhi
le
now, buttearsshatt
eredthatsmi
let
hemoment
IRemember edthevideoIsaw.Cebowaswith
them, couldtheyhavedonesomethi
ngt omy
sist
er)

"sor
ryIdi
dn'tmeantomakeyoucr
y"cebo'
s
voi
cedist
urbedmythought
s.
Iqui
ckl
ywi
pedt
het
ear
s.

"it
stearsofhappiness,am j
ustgl
adwegott he
chancetotal
k"Ifakedasmi l
ed,whil
einreal
factIwasscared,Ididn'
twannathi
nkabout
whattheymighthav edonetoher.

Her:
sowhereareyoureal
l
ygoingbecauseI
sawyoucomingoutfr
om thecarwhenIwent
tot
heshop.

Me:
hai
cebo.

Her
:whoi
she.

Me:
am spendi
ngt
heni
ghtwi
thhi
m,pl
ease
don'
ttel
lmom.(Iwhi
sper
ed)

Her
:don'twor
rymyl
i
psar
eseal
ed,
butIwant
det
ail
stomorr
ow.

Me:lolohk.Uhm sowhatdi
dyouwannat
alk
about.

Herf
aci
alexpr
essi
onchanged.

Me:
ceboi
sitser
ious.

Her
:noi
tsnotthati
mpor
tant
,itcanwai
t,Iwi
l
l
t
ell
yout
omorrow.

Me:
arey
ousur
e.
Shenodded.

"fi
nethen,
Imissthi
s,si
ster
sfor
ever
"we
sharedawarm hug.

"am glady
ouar
eback"cebosai
daswebr
oke
thehug.

Webot hConti
nuedwit
hthedishes.Iknew
somethingwaswrongwithherbutIdecidednot
topush,shewasgonnatell
mei nherownt i
me.

Around18:
55Sfi
sosentmeamessagesay
ing
hewasbythecor
ner
.
Itookmybagpack,
saidmygoodby
est
hen
rushedoutoft
hehouse.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#SETH

Icontemplatedwi thmy self

,onwhet herIshoul
d
approachhi m orcall
theaut hori
ties.Thenithit
me, shi
t,Iwasn'tcarry
ingmyf ather'
sgun, and
theyweref i
veoft hem soIcoul dn'tr eal
l
y
walkedtot hem andconf ronthim
Istoodup,wentoutsi
de,It
ookmyphoneand
call
edthecops,It
oldthem t
hatFr
eddi
ewasin
thebarwit
hhisfri
endssotheyshoul
dcome
quickl
y

Aft
erthecal
lIwentbackt
othebarandorder
ed
anot
hershot
,theywerest
il
lpl
ayi
ngcards,
I
downedtheshotatoncet
heniboughtabeer
Isi
ponit,
Iwouldsteal
fewglancesatthem j
ust
tomakesuret
hattheydon'
tl
eav ebef
orethe
copsar
ri
ves

Fewmi
nut
esl
atert
womenent
eredt
hecl
ub

Theywerewear
ingpriv
atecl
othesbutI
recogni
zedt
heotheroneasthedetect
ivewho
i
ntervi
ewedmeafterI
mi wasraped.
Theydi
scussedsomet
hing,t
hentheot herone
tookhi
sphoneandcal
ledsomeone,thent hey
stoodmadethei
rwayt
ot heguys'
table.

Freddi
elookedup,andatt
hatonegl ancethey
knewthatthetwomanwecops, t
heyal l
quickl
y
stoodup,pushedpastt
hem,therewer eonly
twocopssot heycoul
dn'
thandlethem all
.
Theyonlycaughtt
woguys,Fr
eddieandthe
otherguysrantot
hedoorbumpingint
otabl
es
causingchaos

Theyreadt hei
rRights,cuf
fthem andtookt hem
outsi
de,Ifoll
owedt hem outandbehold,Freddie
andtheothert woguy swerealsoincuff
s,there
weremor ecopsout sidewearingthei
runif
or ms.
Iguesst
heycaughtFr
eddi
eandhi
sgoonst
he
momentt
heyexi
tedt
hebar
.

Ist
oodbythedoorwit
hmanyothers,
andwat
ch
whil
etheyl
oadthem i
ntopol
i
cevans.
It
ookadeepbr
eat
heandexhal
e,If
eltr
eli
eved.

It
ookmyphoneandsenti
miamessage.

"theycaughtthem,Freddieandhi
sfri
endsgot
Arrest
ed,theywil
lpayforwhattheydi
dtoyou"I
sentthetext,
Ineverwentbacktothebar,
I
searchedformykey s,wenttomycar,
gotin
anddr ov
ehome.

#Admi
n.
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L
ENTRYSI
XTYTWO

#I
MINATHI

spendingt heev eningwithbaewast hemost

romantict hingever.IlovedhowFisomademy
heartmel tjustintheper f
ectway.Il
azily
openedmyey esandhewasnotbymysi de,I
satup,y awnedt henr ubbedmyey es.Igotout
ofthebed, woremysi l
kyshortr
opeandwal ked
tothegigant icwindow, i
thadclearwhi t
e
curt
ains, Istoodbyt hesideandadmi redthe
majesticcityv i
ewt hatcaptur
edmyey es.

Me: wowsuchabeaut i
ful
sight
,ver
yneatand
sophi
sti
cat
edlandscapi
ng.

“
thanksbabe!
”hi
svoi
cedi
stur
bedme.Ibl
ushed
l
ooki
ngasi
de.

"youlooksoBeaut
if
ul"hewal
kedcl
oser
wrappedhisar
msaroundmywaist,
hesmel
l
ed
sofresh.

"wher
ear
eyoucomi
ngf
rom"i
askedcur
iousl
y.

Him:Ior
deredbreakfastf
orus,
thenihadfew
cal
lstomake,am supposedtohavea.Fi
nal
meeti
ngwithmycl i
entlat
er.

Me:
mmhh.

Heki
ssedmyneck,
sucki
ngoni
tleav
ingf
ew
l
ovebi
tes.
Me:
stopi
tal
ready
,mom i
sgonnaseet
his.

Him:doesitmatt
erwhethersheseesit
,Imean
soonershewil
lknowthatweareanitem andI
l
ovey ou.

Me:
youmakei
tsoundsoeasi
l
y

Hi
m: t
hat
'sbecausel
ovi
ngy
oui
ssoeasy
,it
s
j
ustsoef
fort
less
Il
ovey
ou

Hewhi
speredinmyearandIgi
ggl
ed,
Ireal
l
y
wascr
azi
lyinl
ovewi
thhim nol
i
e.

Weconti
nuedf
iggl
i
ngandteasi
ng,
Icoul
dn'
t
hel
pbutr
eli
vet
hosest
eamymoment swe
sharedlastni
ght,weendedupkissi
nghungr
il
y,
wecouldn'tgetenoughofeachother
,weended
uphav i
ngamor ninggl
ory,
itwaslongand
steamy.
Af
tert
hatwewentt
otakeashowert
ogether
,
wehadaqui
ckl
ybefor
eexi
ti
ngtheshower.

Iwor
emycl
othesandf
ixedmybooks.

Ri
ghtt
hentheybr
oughtusaf
ull
Engl
i
sh
br
eakf
ast
.
Weat
ewi
thSf
isof
eedi
ngmemostoft
het
ime.

"thi
sistasty"Imanagetosayasthefood
expl
odedinmymout hl
eavi
ngmyt ast
ebuds
year
ningformore.Ihadnevert
ast
edfoodthi
s
goodbefore.
"that
'swhyIlovethispl
ace,thechef
shere
knowst hei
rstor
y,event
heircoff
eeisthebest
.
TheBar ist
areal
lyknowshisstory"f
iso
remarked.

Mybaer
eal
l
yli
kef
ood.Hewasaf
oody
.
Wit
hinminut
eswewer edoneeat
ing,wesat
andcuddl
edbecausether
ewasst i
ll
sometime
bef
oreIhadtogotoschool
.

“t
hisi
sbeauti
ful
!
”Iwast
alki
ngaboutat
att
oo
onhisfor
ear
ms.
Me:
whendi
dyougett
his.
Hi
m:aweekaf
terwest
art
eddat
ingof
fi
cial
l
y.
Me:wowsoy oudeci
dedt
ohav
emyname
wr
it
tenonyourarm
Hi
m: i
fitwer
epossi
ble,
Iwoul
dhav
ehadit
t
att
ooedinmyheart
.That'
showmuchy
ou
meant
ome.
Me:
how"l
ovei
minat
hy"i
tlooksbeaut
if
ul

"that
'sbecauseyoumakei
tev
enmore
beauti
ful
!”hesai
d,Ir
oll
edmyeyes.

"ai
n'
tyouasmoot
htalkerandwhoknewy ou
coul
dbethi
scr
azyi
nlovewithme?”Isai
d.

Hi
m: Ial
way
shadamassi
vecr
ushony
ou,
ever
si
ncewewereyoung.

Me:that'
sal
ie,
Iremembergrowi
ngup,you
hat
edmewi t
hpassion.Youdi
dn'
twantZit
hat
o
pl
aywi t
hus.

Hi
m:Ihat
edhav
ingi
ntensef
eel
i
ngsf
ory
ousoI
t
ri
edtomaket hem di
sappearbybei
ngr
udeTo
y
ou,Ithoughtt
hati
fIbecameanasshol
emy
f
eel
ingsforyouwil
ldi
sappear.

Me:
youhat
edl
ovi
ngme.

Him:no,butIwasov erwhel
med, It
hought
aboutyou,dreamtaboutyou,Icoul
dn'
t
concentr
ateatschoolbecauseofyou,you
drovemecr azyandthatscar
edme.

Me:
wowandhereIwast
hinki
ngt
haty
ouhat
ed
mewit
hpassi
on.

Hi
m:wel
lthenIwasagoodact
or.

Me:
thatIcan'
tar
gue,
your
eal
l
yhadme
conv
inced.

Hi
m:am sor
ryIwasaj
erk.

Me:youdon'thavet
oapologi
sefort
hat
.It
happeneddecadesago,
wewer ebot
hyoung.

Him: damnIl
ovey
ou,IdoubtIhav
eev
erl
oveda
personasmuchasIl
ovey ou.

Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo.

“
youbringoutt
hebest
”hesai
dki
ssi
ngmy
f
orehead
“mm It
hinkweshoul
dgo,
idontwannabel
ate”
Isai
d
“al
ready,
damnt hi
sti
mef
li
eswhenwear
e
hav
ingfun."Hesai
d
Wegotup,Itookmybagandhedrov
emet o
school
,hegavemefewnoteswhenwegott
o
thegat
e
“
iwi
l
lbef
etchi
ngy
oul
ater
!”hewi
nkedatme.
Me:
finebuty
ouwi
l
lbedr
oppi
ngMehome.

Him:butIwant
edt
ospendanot
herni
ghtwi
th
you.

Me:nahFisoyousupposedt
obel
eav
ingt
oday
,
youaregoingt
oworktomorr
ow.

Hi
m:Icanst
ayonemor
eni
ghtwi
thy
ou.

Me:
no,
Ican'
tdecei
vemom,
shewon'
tagr
eet
o
mesl
eepi
ngoutagai
n.

Him:can'
tIj
ustmarr
yyoual
readysot
hatIcan
spendeachandever
ywaki
ngdaybyyoursi
de.

Me;y
ouknowthatcan'
thappened,
wear
ebot
h
wayt
ooyoungtogetmarri
ed.

Hi
m:wear
einl
ove,
that
'sal
lthatmat
ter
s.

Me:weareyoung,
whoknowsmay bewewil
l
gett
ir
edofoneanother
,maybewewi l
lbr
eakup,
wearest
il
lyoungalotcanhappen.

Hi
m: youngornot
,mylovef
oryoui
sgenui
ne,
I
wannaspendeter
nit
ywit
hyou.
AndIswearIwi
l
lnev
ergett
ir
edofy
ou.
Me:am notr
eadyf
ormar
ri
age,
any
wayIgot
ta
go.

Ismashedmyl ipsontohisbef
orehesays
anyt
hingelse.Herespondedandwekissedf
or
awhile.
him

"seeyoul
ater
"Iopenedthedoorandexi
ted,
I
wavedathi
m bef
oreenteri
ngtheschool
premi
ses.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

HedroveOff,
Itookoutmyphonefrom mybag.
Ihadswit
cheditof
faftercal
l
ingmom l
astni
ght
.

Iswit
chedi
tonandwi
thi
nmi
nut
esmessages
fl
oodedmyinbox.

Onewasfrom Set
h.Iopeneditf
ir
standI
coul
dn'
tbeli
evewhatwaswr i
tt
en.
Foraminut
eIfel
tmykneesweakeni
ng,I
coul
dn'
tbal
ancesoIl
eanedonthewall
.
Ireadt
hemessageoverandoveragai
n.I
tfel
t
l
ikeali
e,Icoul
dn'
tbel
i
evethatt
heguyswho
devour
edmehadbecaught .
Sot
hemonst
erswer
efi
nal
l
ybehi
ndbar
s.
Ri
ghtt
henIf
eltasenseofsecur
it
y,If
eltabi
t
l
i
ghtbutIhadahugel
umponmyt
hroat
.

"owhGod"Iwhi
sper
edt
omy
sel
fwi
thabr
oken
voi
ce.

Mymindracedbackt
othatday
,tr
acesofever
y
l
it
tl
ethi
ngtheydi
dtomehauntedmymi nd.

Idi
dn'
treal
iseIwasli
vi
nginfearunti
lnow,
iti
s
thi
sexactmomentthatIf
eltl
ikeahugeweight
hadbeenremovedfr
om myshoul der
s.
.
Aftergat
her
ingsomuchst
rengt
hIopenedthe
nextmessagewhichwasf
rom f
rom di
gger
.

"t
hewhitemanisMar
kusBost on,
he'
sA
ment
ali
stofsomesor
t,Ihear
dhe'sgoodwi
th
hypnosisandmanipul
ati
ngt
hebrai
n,hecomes
highlyrecommended,
hecanmakeyougain
memor i
esasmuchashecanal
somakey ou
forgetsome.
Iti
ssaidthathecanli
ter
all
ygetint
oy ourmind
andr emovesomememor ies.Hestay
si n
Pretori
anow,he'
sinHatfi
eld,f
ewbuil
dings
beforeUP"themessageread.

NowIwasmoreconf used,
whatwasmyst ep
dadandMrNkosidoingwithmysi st
er,
why
wasthement
ali
stwiththem,didtheydo
anyt
hingt
omysisterthenwipedhermemori
es.

Ineededt
oknowwhatr
eal
l
yhappenedt
hatday

Sur
elydi
ggercangetahol
dofthi
sBost on
per
son,heknowswhathappenedthatnight
*
*
*
*
*
Idi
all
edhi
snumberi
trangf
orawhi
l
ebef
orei
t
wasanswered.

"hi
,Igoty
ourmessage"Isai
d.

Cal
l
er:
owhhi
,howar
eyou.

Me:
whoi
sthi
s,becausey
oucl
ear
lynotDi
gger
.

Cal
l
er:
Iam Socks,
oneofdi
gger
'sguy
s,y
ou
mustbeI
MINATHI
.

Me:
jahIam,
wher
e'sdi
gger
.

Hi
m:unf
ort
unat
elyt
her
ewasanacci
dent
.

Me:
acci
dent
,Whatar
eyout
alki
ngabout
.

Him:thebosswasf oundi nthegarage,

inhis
carearl
iert
hismorning,apparent
lyhehas
suff
ocatedhimsel
fwi t
ht hecarbonmonoxide,
hekil
ledhimsel
f.

Me,
:what
,,
,
why
?

Hi
m: quit
efr
anklyam notsur
e,Idon'
tthi
nkt
his
wassuici
de,i
tisjustst
agedtolookl
i
keone.
Thebosssaidsomeonewasfoll
owinghim,he
sai
difanythi
nghappenst
ohim Ishoul
dfind
youandprotecty
oubecauset
heywi l
lbe
comingforyou

Me:
bobani
,whatar
eyout
alki
ngabout
.

Him: youhavepokedasleepingbearwheny ou
start
edaskingal
ltheri
ghtquesti
ons.yourli
feis
i
ndanger .Youshoul
dknowt hatyouaredealing
withdangerouspeopl
e,thefactt
hattheykil
l
ed
mybossshoul dbeenought oshowy outhat
theyarenotmessingaround.
Idon'
tknowwhathappenedbutt
heyseem
adamanttocov
eri
tupatallcost
.

Me:owhmyGod,
whatam Igonnado,
Idon'
t
wannadi
e.
Hi m:thebossaskedmet otakecareofyouand
that'
swhatam gonnado, fornowbealertand
trustnoone.IWi l
lbetaki
ngthefi
rstf
li
ghtto
nelspruittomorr
owmor ni
ng,don'
tworryIwon'
t
l
etany thinghappentoyou.

Me:
ohkyt
hen,

Idr
oppedt
hecal
l,nowIwasscared,Idi
dn'
t
wannabei
nschoolany
more,Ical
ledFi
soto
comeandfet
chme.
Iexi
tedt
heschool
gat
est
henCal
l
edmom.
Itol
dherIwasatschool
andstuff
,Iknowit
wasaliebutIwant
edhertobel
ievethatIwas
fi
ne.

Fewmi
nut
esl
aterSf
isopar
kedi
nfr
ontofme.
Ij
umpedi
n

Hi
m:andt
hen.

Me:am notfeel
i
ngwell
,Ihav eater
ri
ble
headache,
andIfeel
abitdizzy.

Hi
m:am sor
ryaboutt
hat
,letmedr
ivey
out
o
t
hedoct
or.

Me:no,
,
no,
,
no,canwejustbuysome
par
acet
amolt
hendri
vetothehotel
andr
elax
.

Hi
m:i
fthat
'swhaty
ouwantt
henf
ine.

Me:
thanx.
Hestaredatme,Icoul
dseehewant
edtosay
somethingbuthedeci
dedt
okeepqui
et.

Wedrovetot
henear
byshop,
hegotoutand
wenti
nsi
de
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
AblackBMW wi thtai
ntedwi
ndowspar
keda
di
stancefrom us.Noonecameout,
itj
ust
st
oodt her
e

Myheartpounded,
Myst
omachf
eltcol
d,Iwas
l
it
erar
yshaking.

"her
e"sfi
sogavemethet
abl
ets,
Ijumped,
I
di
dn'
tevenhearhi
m comi
ngi
n.

"owhthanx"Iopenedit
,downedi
twi
tht
he
bot
tl
edwat erhebought.

Hest ar
tedt
hecarandheadedt otheyhotel
,al
l
alongmyeyesweref i
xedonthemi rr
ors,
Isaw
theBMW drivi
ngadistancebehi
ndus.
"heycany
out
akeat
urnher
e"Isai
d.

Hi
m:what
,why
.

Me:
pleasej
ustt
akeat
urn

Hedi dn'
tar
gue,het
urnedatt
hecor
nerheadi
ng
south,andwhatdoyouknow,t
heBMW also
tur
ned.

Me:
tur
nher
e.

Heturnedr
ight
,wit
houtaskinganyquest
ion.
TheBMW alsotur
nedright,
Iknewtheroad
headedtot
henearestpoli
cestat
ionsoIasked
Sfi
sotodri
vefast
er.
Hedi
djustt
hatwi
thoutanyquest
ionsasked.

Whenhei
ncr
easedt
hespeedsodi
dtheBMW.
NowIwasmor
econv
incedt
heywer
efol
l
owi
ng
us.

"parkhere"Idi
rectedsf
isot
opar
kneart
he
pol
icestati
onentrance.

"ohk,whatt
hehel
li
sgoingon,youarescari
ng
me.Whatarewedoinginapoli
ceStat
ion,and
whyareyousoagi
tatedandpar
anoid"sfi
so
asked.

Me:
ithi
nkwer
ear
ebei
ngf
oll
owed.

Hi
m:what
,bywho.
Me:seethatBMW, (Ipoi
ntedi
thadal
sopar
ked
adi
stancefrom us.
)

Hi
m:y
ahIseei
t.

Me: i
twasalsoattheshopwheny
ouwentto
buythetabl
ets,
ithasbeenf
oll
owi
ngussi
nce
then.

Hi
m:what,l
etmegoaskt
hem what
'
sthe
pr
obl
em i
s.

Me: nocomedown, t
hispeoplemightbe
dangerous,
let
'sj
ustpret
endlikewearegoi
ng
tothepoli
ceandseewhatt heywil
ldo.
Him:whoar
ethey
,andwhyar
etheyf
oll
owi
ng
us.

Me:
Idon'
tknow.

West eppedoutofthecarandheadedt
ot he
poli
cestati
onentrance,
befor
ewecouldenter,
theystar
tedthei
rcaranddroveoffi
nahigh
speed.

"whatt
hef
ucki
sgoi
ngon"heseet
hed

Me:Ihavenoidea,
let
'sgotothehot
el,
Seth
sai
dtheycaughtFr
eddieandhisf
ri
ends.

Hi
m:t
hosemonst
erswhobr
utal
i
sedy
ou.
Me:
yes,
theyar
einpol
i
cecust
ody
.

Him:t
hat'
sgreat,
maybethat
'swhyweare
bei
ngfoll
owed.Maybethi
sareFr
eddi
e'
sfri
ends,
butwhatdotheywantf
rom y
ou.

Me:whoknows,may bet
heywannascar
eme
sot
hatIdon'
ttest
if
y.
Buti
twon'twork,
Iwill
makesur
ethose
monster
srotbehindbars.

Him;yeahhav
eapoi
ntt
her
e,y
ouhav
etobe
caref
ul.

Me:
Iwi
l
l.

Wedr
ovet
othehot
eli
nhi
ghspeed.
#admi
n

#unedi
ted
[
8/13,
09:
47]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYSI
XTYTHREE

#SETH.

Ididn'tseeimi atschool
,Isearchedandasked
around, someguy stoldmet hattheysawher
comi nginthemor ni
ngthensheexi t
edthe
school premisesinahur r
yshor t
lyaft
ershe
camei n.
Ifel
tabitdi
sappoi
nted,Ireal
l
ywant
edtosee
her.Iwant
edtoknowi fshegotmytext
.

Af
terschool
onmywayhomeIcal
l
edher
,
Herphonerangunanswered,
Itri
edfort
he
secondti
mesheanswer edonthefi
rstr
ing.

"heySet
h"sheanswer
ed.

Hervoicesentchi
ll
sdownmyspi
ne,
everyt
ime
Ihearherspeaksomethi
ngi
nmeawakens.

"uhm hi
,howar
eyou"Isai
d.

Her
:am f
ineandy
ou.
Me:bett
ernowt
hatI
'
vehear
dyourv
oice,
Iwas
wor
ried.

Her
:wor
ri
ed?
,why
.

Me:becauseIwast
oldyoucametoschool
t
henleftbef
oret
hecl
assesevenbegan.

Her
:owhIwasn'
tfeeli
ngwell
,Igoty
our
message,
howdi
dt heycat
chthem

Me:
Iwentt
oapubyester
dayandIf
oundt
hem
t
her
esoIcal
ledt
hecops.

Her
:soy
ouar
ether
easont
heygotcaught
.

Me:
Icoul
dn'
tl
ett
hem getawaywi
thwhatt
hey
di
d.Theyneededt
obepuni
shedf
ort
hei
ract
ion.

Her:t
hankyou,
thanky
ousomuchfordoi
ng
t
his.Iwi
ll
alwaysbegr
atef
ult
oyou.

Icoul
dhearhersni
ff
ing

Me:Ij
ustwant
edyout
obesaf
e,t
her
e'sno
needt
othankme
Butyouneedtobeready,am sureanyt
imefr
om
nowthepoli
cewil
lcally
outopi ckthem i
nal
ine
up.Arey
oureadytofacethem

Her
:am morethanready,Ican'twai
ttosee
t
hem r
otinhell
.Am justgl
adt heywon'
tbe
t
orment
ingotherhel
plessgirl
soutthere.
Me:
wher
ear
eyou.

Her
:mywayhome.

Me:canIgowi
thy
ouwheny
ougof
ort
hel
i
ne
up.

Her
:ify
ouwanty
oucan,
buti
tsnotnecessar
y.

Me:
Iwantt
ocomewi
th.

Her
:howwasschool
.

Me:fi
ne,al
thoughf
ormeitwaspret
tymuch
bor
ingbecauseyouwer
en'
tther
e.
Her:
owh,soy
ouwi
l
lbet
her
eforaf
ter
noon
l
essons

Me:
yes.

Her
:owhkythen,
whenyougeti
ntoy
ourhouse
t
ell
Sarahshecancomeseeme.
Idon'
thaveai
rti
mesot
ell
hernott
ofor
gett
o
cal
lPreci
ous.

Me:
whi
chpr
eci
ous.

Her:
ourfr
iend,
Ihear
dshe'
spregnantsowe
wannathr
owababyshowerforher.

Ial
mostsway
edoutt
her
oadbutqui
ckl
ygai
ned
cont
rol
Howthefuckdi dsheknowaboutthe
pr
egnancy,doessheknowt hatam r
esponsi
ble.
Di
dpreshtellherwhathappened.

"owhumh,yourf
ri
endispregnant
,howdoy
ou
know,
who'
sthefat
her
"Istutt
ered.

Her
:Sar
aht
oldme,appar
entl
ypreci
oustol
dher
.
Wel
lwehav
enoideawhot hefat
heri
s.

Me:
okyt
hen,
Igot
tago.

Iqui
ckl
ydroppedthecal
l
,myf
acef
lushed,
I
wasindeepshit
.
Nowitf
eltl
i
keIwasgonnal
ooseI
MINATHI
f
orev
er.
Therear
ehi
ghchancesthatshemightnot
for
givemewhenshehearsaboutt
hepr egnancy
.
Shewil
lnotunderstandt
hathappenedwasa
mist
ake.Shewouldbehur tt
hatii
mpregnat
ed
herf
ri
endwhileiclaimtol
oveher.
GodknowsIdon'twannalooseimi,Il
oveher
,I
st
illhavehopet
hatonedayshewi l
lbemine.
Preciouswasgonnarui
nall
thatforme.

Iwasr
eal
l
yindeepshi
t.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

#NQOBI
LE

Ibecameapri
soneri
nmyhouse.Iwasnot
al
lowedtogoout,
Idi
dn'
thav
eaphone.
Iwasnotal
l
owedt
ocommuni
cat
ewi
tht
he
out
sidewor
ld.
If
eltmor
eofasexsl
avet
hanany
thi
ngel
se.
That
'sbecauseany
timeJetcamehomehe
want
edsex ,r
awandr oughsex.
Tohi
m sexwasjustaboutt
omakemef al
l
pr
egnant
.Ihar
dlyenj
oyedit
,itwasr
oughand
dr
y.
Iwast
ir
edoft
hepai
n,Iwast
ir
edofmyl
i
feI
want
edtoendital
lbutIcoul
dn'
t,
Icoul
dn'
t
l
eavemysontosuffer
,Idi
dn'
twantBri
ant
o
gr
owupwithoutamother.
SoIst
ayedst
rongf
orhi
m.Iendur
ethepai
nfor
myson
*
*
Aft
ercleani
ngthehouseIst
art
edonthepots,
j
etdrovein,
Icouldhearhi
scarengi
neroar
ing
out
side.
Myhear
tskippedabi
twhenIhear
dmor
ethan
onef
ootst
eps.

Ist
oodtherenotknowi
ngwhatt
odoashe
unl
ockedthekit
chendoor
.

Hecameinfoll
owedbyal
adywhowasbusy
gi
ggl
ing,
Ili
ft
edmyeyesonl
ytobemetbyher
s,
i
twast
hebabymama,
Ther
esa.

Whatthehel
lwassheDoi
ngher
e.Whatwas
Jet
hrodoi
ngwithher
.

"damnthatwasfun"shesaid.Al
lsmiles,the
factt
hatshesawmei nthehousedidn'tscare
her.

"babesweshouldthi
smor eof
ten"sheadded
astheyshar
eakisswithmyhusbandwho
respondedt
otheki
ssrighti
nfr
ontofme.

Theywer
ebothwearingOrl
andopiratest
-shi
rt
s,
seemsli
ketheywerecomingfrom thesoccer
matcht
hatwasheldatthestadi
um.
"toldyouweweregonnahavefun"myhusband
responded,
theywer
eallov
ereachother
.
Thenerv
e, myhusbanddi
dn'
tshowev
enan
ounceofrespectf
orme.

"whatt hehel
lareyoudoi
nginmyhouse"I
thr
ewt hewoodenspoonIhadjustusedforthe
sti
rr
ingporri
dgeatthem.itmi
ssedthem byan
i
nch, t
henhitthedoorbef
orei
tlandedonthe
fl
oor.

"whatt
hef
uck.
..
..
arey
oucr
azy
"jety
ell
ed.

Il
aughedi
ndisbel
i
ef ,
didhej
ustcal
lmecr
azy
af
tert
heshitt
heyjustdi
d

"hel
lNooo,
am cr
azy,am cr
azy
,yousuchaman
hoe,
howcanyoudisr
espectmeinmyown
houset
hencal
lmecr
azy
,.
..
Youhav en'tseencr
azyy et
"Iy elledatthetopof
myv oi
ceandchar gedtowar dst hem, IknowI
wasshitscaredoftheresabutatt hatmoment
al
lmyf earswentoutthewi ndow.Idi dn'tknow
whatIwasgonnadobutIwant edt ogetmy
handsonher .

"bit
cham gonnateachyoualesson"Ishouted
gett
ingcl
osertot
hem, Iwasabouttograbher
whenjetbl
ockedmet henpushedmet othe
fl
oor.

"youbet
terst
aydownther
eorIwi
l
lsur
eyou
fl
ames"heshouted.

Theshedev
ilbehi
ndhi
mletoutascor
nful
smil
e.
Myheartshatter
ed,
Ifel
tbr
okenint
omi l
l
ion
pi
eces,
rightthenmybabywalkedi
n,hecame
st
rai
ghtatmeandsatonmyl apssinceIwas
st
il
lonthefloor.

"peyi
ye"her
emarkedshowingmehisempty
pl
ate,hewassay
inghefi
nishedhi
sfood.
Heusual
l
ysaysthataft
ereat
ingbecausehe
want
smet opr
aisehim.
ButatthatmomentIwassobr
okent
opayany
at
tenti
ontohim.

"howcoul dyoudot hi
stome, howcouldyou
bri
ngherintoourhome.Yout oldmei twasover
betweenYout wo, whyar
eyouhur ti
ngmel i
ke
thi
s.Youpr omisedtolov
eme, isthi
showy ou
showy ourlove"Ionl
ymanagedt osaythose
wor
dsbecausei
washur
t,deepdownIwas
t
ear
ingapar
t.

Hestar
edatmebef or
eheandhismist
ress
er
uptedint
olaughter,
clear
lymypai
nwasan
amusementtooltothem.

Me:soy
oulaughatmypai
n,t
hisi
sfunnyt
oyou.
Myhear
tisnowajoke.

"owhpl easestopwhiningitsr
eallyat
urnoff
.
It
snotl i
keyoudon'tknowt her
esa.She,j
ustl
ike
you,isalsoamot herofmychild,so
automat i
cal
lysheispartofmyl i
fe.She'
sthe
mot herofmyf i
rstborn,t
hemosti mport
ant
personinmyl i
fe"hecutin.

Me:
am al
sot
hemot
herofy
ourchi
l
d,y
ousai
d
ther
ewasnot
hinggoi
ngonbetweenyouand
hersowhyar
ey oual
lsol
oveydoveywi
thher
.

Hekeptqui
et.

"areyoui
nlov
ewi
thher
,answerme,
arey
ou!
"I
shout
ed.

Hi
m:fucky
esIlov
eher,shehasal
way
sbeen
wi
thmeinever
ypartofmyli
fe.
Sheunder
standsme.Sheget
sme.

Me:t
henwhataboutme,
Yousai
dyoul
ovedme.
Di
dthatchange.

Hi
m:noIl
oveyoual
so,
Ilovebot
hofy
ou.You
ar
ebot
himpor
tanti
nmylif
e.
Me:Ican'
tbel
iev
et hi
s.Whathappenedt
oyou,
whydidyouchange.

"heiyoushouldbegladIal l
owedy out oplay
happyfamilywit
hmyman, thi
smanr i
ghthere
i
smi ne,Il
etyouenjoyy ourpatheti
cmar ri
age
andnowam backt oclaim what'
srightf
ull
y
mine"Theresarespondedpr oudly
.

Me:youknowwhat,y
oucanhav
ehim,y
oucan
keephi
m butpl
easel
eav
emyhouse.

Her:am notgoi
nganywhere,t
hisi
smyhouse
too.Iwaswithj
etwhybeforeyouevenknew
him,Ihel
pedhim bui
l
dthishouse.
Cometothi
nkofit,
am act
ual
l
yther
ight
ful
owneroft
hishouse
Me:pleasedon'
ttestme,iam t
heonewho's
l
egall
ymar r
iedt
oj etsot
hishousei
smine.Now
Isai
dleavemyfuckenhouse!!
!!

"bi
tchkeepcal
m, t
hisi
smyhouseandResai
s
goi
ngnowhere.Thi
shousei
sbigenoughf
oral
l
ofus.
Theresawi
thmydaught
er,
wouldbe
permanent
lymov
ingint
omorr
ow."Jetsai
d

Ist
aredathi
mindisbel
ief
,It henst
aredat
Ther
esawhohadanannoy ingsmi r
konherface,
sheseemedtobeenjoy
ingt his.
If
eltsodef
eat
ed,
Idi
dn'
tknowwhatt
osay
.

"t
henam l
eav
ing"Iabr
upt
lysai
d.
Him:Ifyoudarewalkoutt
hatdoor,Iwi
l
lhaunt
you,
findyouandchopy ouint
opiecest
hentake
mysondoy ouhearme.

Ineverresponded,myv oicefai
ledme, ahuge
l
umpwasst uckinmyt hroat
.Iswal
lowedit,I
didn'
twannacr yinfrontofthem.Ididn'
twanna
givethem theideathattheyhaddefeatedme.

"nowdishupam Hungry,
,
,,l
ovelet
'sgotothe
l
ounge"heheldherbythewaistandthey
walkedr
ightpastme.

Iwantedt
oburst,
Iwantedtoscream,Iwas
fumingwi
thangerandIhadthi
sr ager
unni
ng
thr
oughmyv ei
ns.
Ist
oodupfr
om thefl
oorwi
thBri
anonmyar
ms,
hewasst
il
lcar
ingtheempt
yplat
e.

"Ncooohucedzi
l
e,khul
il
eumfanawamama
neh"If
orcedasmil
eforhim

"y
eykhuy
iye"hej
umpedi
nexci
tement

Ipl
acedhim ont
opoft hecounterthendished
upforj
etandhislover
, Ispatonthei
rfood
bef
oretaki
ngitt
ot hem.

Iknewt hespatwouldn'tdomuch, i
twasn'
t
gonnaheal mybrokenhear tbutIguesst
he
sati
sfacti
onthatt
heywer egonnaeatmysali
va
gavemeaLi t
tl
eclosure.
Iwalkedtothelounge,pl
acedthetr
ayont
he
tabl
e,theywereallcozyandst
uff.

Ijustgav
et hem adeadl
yst
aret
hencl
i
ckedmy
tonguebeforeIexi
ted.

It
ookBrianandwentstr
aighti
ntohi
sroom,got
i
nlockedthedoorandsatonhissi
nglebad.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Isatther
estari
ngint
ospace,Br
ianwasalready
deepinhissl
eep.Iwasl
ostinthought
s,Ihada
chancetorefl
ectonmyli
fe.

Ifeltl
ikeIwastrappedinsomedeependsofan
unshapedpat t
ern.Iwasinadarkpathofan
unforseenpassage,isatt
heresi
lent
,tear
s
streameddownmyf ace,t
earsofunheardcri
es,
hereIwasl ost
,awomanwhocoul dn'
tscream.
Ifor
cedaf oulsmil
ej ustt ohidemypai ns.I
star
edatthemi rr
or,all Icouldnot
icewast he
heavymakeuponmyf ace,itwastheretohide
thebrui
sedeye,Irealisedatt hati
nstantthatI
hadfall
enforhisli
es, Ibelievedhi
sfalse
promises.
Ihel
donhi
sfal
sehope.
Nowtrapped,
Icoul
dn'
tl
eave.HowcouldIhav
e
beensostupi
dnott
oSeethroughhi
sfalse
senseofsecur i
tyandhi
slov
elessPassi
on.Why
didn'
tIseethroughhisempt
ykissesand
brokenpromises.
Whydi dInai
velybeliev edhi
m.Butt henwho
canblameme, iwasy oungandi nlove,Idi
dn'
t
knowanybet t
er,hislieswer esotr
uet hey
sweptmeof fmyf eet ,Ifeel
forhi
sdecei t
,I
guessmyst upi
dityledmeher e.

Idr
ownedint
hatoceanofsel
fpi
ty,
Iwal
l
owed
i
nselfbl
ame.
Igotpl
ayedreal
goodandnowIwasl
ostwi
th
nowheretor
un.
Ihadtur
nedont hepeopl ewholovedme.I
deser
tedmymot herwhot ol
erat
edmy
i
ncompet ence.HadIl i
stenedtoherIwoul
dn'
t
beheretoday.
I
ttur
nsoutshewasri
ghtaft
eral
l,j
etwas
not
hingbutal
owl
if
e,hear
tl
essthugwhodidn'
t
car
eaboutmyf
eel
i
ngs.
I
tseemsl
ikehewashel
l
bentonbr
eaki
ngev
ery
f
iberi
nmybody.
Hehadalreadycrushedmyhearti
ntomill
i
on
pi
ecesandIhadnoi deawher
eto star
tpicki
ng
upthosepieces.

Iwasapri
sonerinthi
shel
landIneeded
someonet
oeitherbai
lorbr
eakmeout .

#admi
n
[
8/21,
15:
20]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYSI
XTYFOUR

#I
MINATHI
Igothomearoundmi dday,
afterspendi
ngthe
restofmymorningwithsfi
so.Icouldn'
ttel
lhim
whatwashappening.Idon'
tknowwhyIf el
tthe
needtohi
dethisawayf r
om him
Forsomeunknownreasonsi
tfel
tli
kethi
s
si
tuat
ionwasgonnarui
nourrel
ati
onship

*
*
*
*
*
Iwalkedtot
heback,mom andGcinawer
e
si
tt
ingnearthepool
sippi
ngonwineandCebo
wasinsidet
hepoolj
ustfl
oati
ngonthewater
Igr
eet
edt
hem andt
heygr
eet
edback

"sohowwasschool
"mom asked.

Me:
itwasmuchbet
ter

Her
:sodi
dyougi
rl
sst
udy
.

Me:
yes,
wecov
eredmostt
opi
cs.
Her
:Ihopey
ouguy
sdi
dn'
tst
ayupal
lni
ght
.
Me:
wedi
dn'
t.
Gci
na:
youguy
sneedtorest
,youcanst
udybut
att
heendy
ou'
llneedt
orest
.

Me:
IjustwishIwasdoneal
ready
,gr
ade12i
s
r
eal
l
yhar dwork.
Mom: don'
twor
ry,
justf
ewmont
hsandy
ouwi
l
l
bedone.
Anywayt
her
e'saboxofpizzai
nthef
ri
dge,
you
candi
shupforyour
sel
f.

Me:
may
bel
ater
,am nothungr
ynow.

Her
:ohkt
hen.

Ienter
edthehouse,gotinmyroom,pl
acedmy
schoolbagonthetable,
tookoutt
hecl
othesI
hadwor nt
heprevi
ousnight.
Ipl
acediti
nthelaundrybaskett
hensatonthe
bedandwentthroughmyphone.Ihada
messagefrom sf
isotel
li
ngmet hathewas
gone,i
tfel
tpai
nfulseei
ngthat.
Ir
eal
l
ywasgonnami
sshi
m.

Ther
ewerefewmessagesfrom Sar
ahsay
ing
shecoul
dn'
tcomeoverbecauseshewashel
d
upabit

Aft
erreadi
ngt hatIt
ookadeepsi
gh,
Ireal
l
y
missedmyf r
iendandIwaslooki
ngf
orwardt
o
seeher

Ilayfacedupandmill
ionthought
straced
throughmyhead,Icouldn'
tEvenbeganto
i
magi nehowrustyandchaoticmyli
fewas.
I
tsl
i
keIhadat
ubf
ull
ofbadl
uckdesi
gnedj
ust
f
orme
It
str
oubleaft
ertrouble,
justwhenIthoughtI
hadfi
nishedbui
ldingmyl i
fe,
anotherpar
tofit
comesdowncr umbl i
ngyetagai
n.Whatwas
wr
ongwi
thme.

Tearsstreameddownsi deway s,Ifeltso

hel
plessandpowerless,WasIcur sedor
something.most
lyIfeltscared, whatifthose
guysfindMeandkillme, whati ftheycome
aft
erCebo.Whatiftheyhar m myl i
tt
lesister
.

Speaki
ngofher
,Ineededt
otal
ktoher
.

"woul
dyoucomet
omyr oom pl
ease"Isent
heraWhat
sAppmessage.

Thenqui
ckl
ywi
pedmyt
ear
s.

Wit
hinminut
est
hedoorswungopenandCebo
wal
kedin.
Shewaswearingaseet
hroughl
acedr
esson
topofherswi
mmingcost
ume.

"am wetsoIwon'tsitonyourbed,whatsup,
howwasy ourni
ghtwi t
hthemy st
eryguy"I
coul
dseefrom herfacethatshewasfishingf
or
i
nfor
mation.

"ai
bot
hat
snott
her
easonIcal
l
edy
ouher
e"

Her:
ai si
siIwantt
ohearev
ery
thi
ng,you
pr
omi setotel
lmewhenyougotback

Me:
fine,
itwasgreat
,Imeani
twaslikeheav
en,
t
hemostr omant
icni
ghtofmyli
fe.

"i
yheel
ookaty
ou,
all
smi
l
es,
your
eal
l
yhada
goodti
me, y
ouarebeaming,Ihaven'
tseenyou
thi
shappyinawhil
e"sheansweredsitt
ingon
thepl
asti
cchai
rthatwasinmyr oom.

"sowhoishe,who'
sthemanwhohasst
olen
mysist
er'
sheart
"shecont
inued.

Me:
wel
lUhm,
itsSf
iso.

Her
:sf
iso!DoIknowhi
m,wher
eishef
rom.

Me:
wel
lyouknowhi
mver
ywel
l
.

Her:r
eally,
butidon'tknowanysfi
soexcept
Zit
ha'
sbr other
..
..
..
.Wait.
..
arey
ou..
.y
ouand
Sfi
so..
..(Inodded)omgwhydi dn'
tIseethi
s
coming.
Whendi
dyouguy
sst
art
..
.Imeandamn

Icoul
dseet
hatshewasr
eal
l
ysur
pri
se.

"welli
tst
art
edlastDecember,atfi
rsti
twasn't
seri
ousbutIl
aterdev
elopedf
eelingsforhim
andeversi
ncethenheisthebest"Ismiled,
I
real
lywasl
uckytohavehim

"naught
y,naught
y..
..
.si
steruyaf
ihl
ayong,
I
di
dn'tev
ensuspectanything"shesai
d.

Me: heeukhul
umakancane,
phel
ahismother
caughtusinbed,
yohIwassoscaredand
ashamed.

Her
:ai
bo,
sowhatdi
dshesay
.
Me:wellshetoldsfi
sot ostayawayfr
om me.
I
nfactsheblanklydi
splayedherdi
sapprov
alof
t
her el
ati
onship.Shecall
edmeahal l
ot.

Her:omgt hat
'sextr
eme,butwhywouldshe
objecttother
elat
ionshi
p,Imeani
tsnotli
kewe
arerelat
edinanyway .

Me:exactl
y,butItel
lyouthatwomanhat esme.
Butsf
isoisreadytolooseev er
ythi
ngj
usttobe
wit
hme.Het ol
dhismot herthathewoul
dnot
l
eavemeal one,hewouldr at
herbecastout
fr
om thei
rfamily

Her
:ncooht
hat
'ssosweet
,howIwishIcan
hav
emyownsfisowhocandefendme
Me;noway,y
oust
il
lmyki
dsi
ster
,youshoul
dn'
t
bedat
ing.

Her
:ai
Mimi
am ol
denough,
am nol
ongeraki
d.

Me:
owhsoy
ouar
edat
ing.
..
.

Shesmi
l
ednaught
il
y

"haaaCebo,
whoi
she.
..
..
."

Shepl
ayedwi
thherf
inger
s.

Her:wel
l.
..
..
it
sstil
lnew, hi
snamei smdu,he'
sin
grade11,wejuststar
teddatingtwomonths
ago,hemakesmesmi le.Carri
esmybooks,
helpsmewithmyhomewor ksandhenever
f
orcemet
odoany
thi
ngIdon'
twant
.

Me:mmmmhl
ookaty
ou,
shyandal
l
.Youl
ove
hi
m.

Her
:somuch,
hedr
ivesmecr
azy
,hei
sthebest
.

Me:soundsl
i
keagenui
neguybutIwi
l
lneedt
o
seehi
m.

Her
:why

Me:Ijustneedtoseetheguywhohasswept
mysisteroffherf
eet,
andIneedtowarnhim
t
hatifhebreaksYourheartorhur
tsyoui
nany
way,hewoul dhavemetodeal wi
th
Her
:ai
boMi
miy
ouwi
l
lscar
ehi
m.

Me: heneedstoknowt hatIwoul

dneveral
low
anythi
ngt ohappentoyou,i
fhehurt
syouIwill
breakhim.Nomani sal
lowedtomakemy
sist
ercry.Theonlytear
sIwannaseeinyour
facearetearsofjoy
.

Her
:owhsi
ster
..
..
.howblessedIf
eel
rightnow
t
ohaveasi
sterl
ikeyou.
Youar
ethebest
.

Me:
andam gl
adIhav
eay
oungersi
sterl
i
key
ou.

Istaredatherasshesmil
edwidel
yandI
couldn'
thelpbutwonderwhatt
hoseev
ilman
musthav edonetoher.
"uhm i
needt
oasky
ousomet
hing"

Her
:soundsser
ious.

Me:
wel
li
tisi
naway
.

Her
:youar
escar
ingme

Me:nodon'
tbescar
ed,
Ijustneedt
oconf
ir
m
somet
hingt
hatsal
l.

Her
:whati
sit
,tal
kal
ready
.

Me:wel
luhm doy
our
emembert
hel
astt
imewe
sawmom.
Her
:vi
vi
dlyy
es,
why
.

Me:doyour
ememberbei
ngwit
hMrnkosi
,our
st
epdadandat
all
whiteman.

Shekeptqui
et,
seemsl
i
keshewast
ryi
ngt
ogo
downmemor ylane

"pl
easej
ustthi
nkback,i
sthereany
thi
ngatal
l
y
ourecal
laboutt
hatni
ght,any
thi
ngstr
ange"

Her:uhm.
..
.wel
l.
..
.Idon'
tremembermuch.ButI
keephavi
ngthesedreams.

Me:
whatdr
eams.
Her:Idon'
tknowwhattheyar
ereall
y,becauseI
experi
encethem ev
enduri
ngtheday.
It
sli
keamemor yofsomesor t
,abadmemory
,
somefl
ashbacksthatsomehow makemesad.

Me:
what
,whatar
ethef
lashbacksabout
.

Her
:whyar
eyouaski
ngmeal
lthat
.

Me:pl
easet
ell
meaboutt
hosef
lashbacksandI
wi
ll
tel
lyouwhyIask.

.
..
.shekeptqui
etf
ort
hel
ongestwhi
l
e..
..

"Mimi am scar
ed.
..
."Shefinal
lysai
d.Fearwas
clear
lyvisi
blef
rom hereyes.NowIwasev en
mor eafr
aid.Whati
si tt
hatcouldgetmysister
sot
err
if
ied.

"youdon'thavetobeafrai
d,am her
eforyou.I
will
neverall
owany t
hingtohappentoyou"I
tr
iedtoconvinceher
"pleaset
ell
mewhatt
hef
lashbacksar
eabout"
Iadded.

Her:wel
li
t'
sal
labi
thazy,
itsl
ikeam i
nabi
g
house,mor
eli
ket
henkosihouse.
Am inaDarkroom,Ihearawomanscreaming
beggingf
orherli
fe,
ther
earepeopl
ethere,
its
l
iketheyar
echoppingherwi
thsomethi
ng.
Themomentsomeonel
ookedatt
hedoort
hey
sawme.
Theyst
art
edshout
ingaski
nghowIgott
her
e.
Someonesai
dmay
beIf
oll
owedt
hem.
Theyshout
edateachot
herf
orawhi
l
ebef
ore
theycametome.
Theyspokeinwei r
dvoices.Theytol
dmet hatI
di
dn'tseeanyt
hing.Theysaidthatal
l t
hatwas
happeningwasjustadream, oneofthem t
ook
myhandandwal kedwithmet oanotherr
oom.
Str
angel
yenoughtheper
sonwhopul
l
edmet
o
theot
herroom wasawoman.
Shetol
dmet hateveryt
hingwasgonnabe
al
ri
ght,sheaskedmet ocov ermyearsasthe
womankeptscr eamingintheotherr
oom"she
al
readyhadtearsstr
eamingdownherchi cks.

Me:whowerethosepeopl
eandwhowast
he
womantheywerechoppi
ng.

Her:
Ican'
tseet
hei
rfaces,somethingi
s
pr
event
ingmefr
om seeingthei
rfaces.
InfacteachtimeIpayat t
enti
ontotheirfacesal
l
Iseei sabrightl
ight,
theli
ghtIsbli
ndingme,
preventingmef r
om seeingthei
rfaces.Ican'
t
evenr ecognizet
heirvoi
ces
Idon'
tevenknowwhyIhav
ethi
sdr
eams,
why
dotheyseem sor
eal
.

Me:i
tsohk(Idrewheri
nforati
ghthug)don'
t
wor
rywewillgety
ousomehelp.

Her
:whatki
ndofhel
p

Me:maybeSomeonetot
alkt
oyou.Someonet
o
hel
pyoumakesenseoft
hesedr
eams.

Her
:ist
her
esomeonewhocandot
hat
.
Me:y
esIreadsomewher
ethatt
her
ear
epeopl
e
whocanr
ecall
memory.

Her
:soyouthi
nkt
hatt
hesedr
eamsar
eact
ual
l
y
memori
es.
Butwhywoul
dIhav
esuchmemor
ies.

Me:Idon'
tknow,
butt
alki
ngt
osomeonei
sa
st
art
.
At
leastwewoul
dknowwhethert
heyar
ejust
dr
eamsorsomethi
ngmore.

Her
:ohkyt
hen,
mustIt
ell
mom.

Me:No!notfornow..
..
..
let
'skeept
hisbet
ween
usfornow,wecan'tt
ellmom unti
lwearesur
e
ofwhat'
sgoingon..
..
Her:
Mimiwhat
'sr
eal
l
ygoingon,
,
,,
,
whydi dyou
aski
fIwaswit
hMrnkosi
andourstepdad.

Me:
wel
lI.
..
.
*
*
*
*
*

"I
MI!
..
..
IMI
!"Mom cal
l
edoutmyname.

Me:
mah.

Sheopenedt
hedoor
.
"haunil
ananoy
itwo,
nihl
ebangani
na!
"she
asked.

Me:
ahnot
hing,
itsj
ustgi
rl
stal
k.

Mom:wel
ltwopol
i
cemanareher
e,t
heywant
yout
ocomewitht
hem t
othepol
i
cestat
ion.
Seemsliketheycaughtt
hosemonst
erst
hat
molest
edy ou.

Cebo:
what
,,
,
,,r
eal
l
y.

Mom: t
hat'
swhatthepol
i
cear
esay
ing.I
miy
ou
don'
tseem sur
pri
sed.

Me:
wel
lSet
htol
dmet
hatt
heywer
ear
rest
ed,
he'
stheonewhocalledthecopsaf
terbumpi
ng
i
ntothem atsomebar.

Mom:
whuuuSet
hisagoodper
son.

Me:her
eal
l
yis.Iwi
l
lhav
et ocal
lSeth,
hesai d
hewant
edtogowit
hmet othepol
icestat
ion.

Mom: Ithi
nkthepol
icemansai dbothSar
ahand
Sethareal
readyatt
hest at
ion.Becauset
hey
alsosawFreddi
esot heyneedtopickhimfr
om
theli
ne-
up.
Me:
ohkyt
hen.

Ist
oodup,
tookmyphone.

"am comi
ngwi
th"cebosai
d.
"met
oo"mom sai
d.
Me:
finel
et'
sgot
hen.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Wewalkedout
sideandthecopswer
eengage
onacasual
conversat
ionwi
thGci
nawhoalso
i
nsi
stedoncomingwithus.

Inf
actwerodeinGcina'
scarandfol
lowedt
he
pol
icewhi
tejet
tacartot
hepolicest
ati
on
Wegotther
ewit
hint
hir
tymi
nut
es.Theother
s
wer
edir
ectedt
owaiti
nthewai
ti
ngarea.
Ifol
lowedt
hepoli
cetot
heotherroom wher
e
SethandSarahwer
ealr
eadyat.

"y
ouar
eher
e"Sar
ahsai
d
Weshar
edal
ongt
ighthug

Me:heyuni
ver
sit
ylov
esy
ou,
lookathowf
resh
youl
ook

Her
:youar
epul
l
ingmyl
egr
ight

Me:
am ser
ious
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

Aft
erpi
cki
ngFreddi
eandhiscr
ewf
rom t
hel
i
ne
upweexit
edthepol
icest
ati
on.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

"soi
twasal
loft
hem"ceboasked

Me:
yes,Ididn'
tthi
nkIwi
l
lev
ersetmyey
eson
t
hem agai
n
Seei
ngt
hem br
oughtev
ery
thi
ngback

"it
sohky,youar
esafenow"mom pull
edmei n
forat
ighthugandIsobbedsi
l
ent
lyinherchest
.
Ireal
l
ywasshaken.I
tfel
tli
keev
ery
thi
ngj
ust
happenedy
est
erday.
Idi
dn'
tthi
nkt
heyst
il
lhadsuchhol
dov
erme.
Ifi
nal
lybroket
hehug,Iwi
pedmytearsandwe
conti
nuedtal
ki
ngwhil
ewalki
ngt
ot hecar.
Idi
dn'thearmuchoft
heConv
ersat
iont
heyhad
becausemymi ndwassof
araway.

HowcouldIfeelsaf
ewhil
eIknowt
hatt
her
ear
e
peopl
eouttherehunti
ngme.
Wi
lli
evenbeali
vetogiv
ethetest
imonyt
hat
wi
l
lputthesemonst
ersbehi
ndbars.
..
.

Myl
ifewasscat
ter
ingal
lar
oundmeandIhad
noi
deawheretost
artpi
cki
ngupt
hepieces

#admi
n

#count
down_
six_
ent
ri
es_
lef
t
[
8/21,
20:
16]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYSI
XTYFI
VE

#I
MINATHI

Fewday
swer
elef
tbef
oreschool
sreopens.
Iwokeupt henextmorni
ngandcleanedt
he
house,Atl
eastweweregivenaweektorest
beforeschoolr
eopensandtodaywasthe
beginni
ngofthatweek.

Mom andGcinahadal
readyl
eftf
orwor
k,Cebo
wasout,
Ihadnoideawhereshewasbecause
shedi
dn'
tinf
orm mebeforel
eavi
ng.

Af
tercl
eani
ngImadecer
eal
andat
ethenIwent
t
owat
chTV.

It
ookmyphonesental
lthatIhadwr
it
tent
o
at
he.
Yeahshehadst ar
tedwr i
ti
ngmystory,al
lIdi
d
waswr i
tethefewpointsofwhathappenedto
myl i
fe,
Ithensentitt
ohert owr
it
eitperf
ectl
y
thenpostitonFacebook.

Atl
eastwehadgottenfewpeopletopart
ici
pate
onthebook.Set
handsf isower
eonboard
al
thoughtheyst
il
ldidn'
tgetwhyIshoul
dwr i
tea
bookaboutmylif
e.
Set
hdi dn'
tgi
vemesomuchf uss,hepromised
towri
tehissi
deofthest
orysothatitcoul
dbe
combinedwithmi
ne.

Sf
isowasn'
tthatmuchkeenatf
ir
st,
butatt
he
endheGavei
nandagr
eedt
ogi
vehi
ssi
deof
thest
ory
.
Theonlyper
sonwhowasmi
ssi
ngwas
NQOBILEandCebo,
Ihadt
ri
edtal
ki
ngtoceboaboutt
hebookbut
shedi
dn'
twannabei
nvolv
ed.
Shesai
dwasonl
ygonnagi
vef
ewpoi
nter
s
that
sal
l.

Idon'
tbl
ameherthough,
shewast
oomuchofa
pri
vat
eperson.
Sheli
kedherpr
ivat
eli
fet
oremai
nli
ket
hat
,
pri
vat
e,
Andshesai
dshedi
dn'
thav
emucht
otel
li
n
any
way.

Ihadt
ri
edt
oreachNqobi
l
ebutherphonewas
off
.
IWonderedifev
ershewassti
ll
innelspr
uit
becauseIhadn'
tseenherf
orawhil
e.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Iwasst i
l
lpagingthroughmyphonewhenI
heardsomef ootst
eps,Itookapeekthr
ough
thewindowIsawt wobuf fedupguysweari
ng
blacksui
ts.

Theyr
angt
hebel
landIkeptqui
et,
theyknocked
roughl
ythenpushedthedoorbutbyt
hegr
ace
ofGoditwaslocked.

Iquickl
yrant
otheki
tchenandl
ockedt
he
ki
tchendoor.

Myhear
twaspoundi
ngoutofmychest
.

"akukhomunt
unj
eLA"oneoft
heguy
ssai
d.

"Itel
lyout hatgirlNeverleftthishouse,wesaw
herparentsandsi sterleavi
ng, Isawher
moppingt hev eranda,am tell
ingy oushe'
s
i
nside"theot heroneanswer ed.

"as'
vaye,wewi
l
lcomebackl
ater
"theot
herone
suggested.
"yazthebosswi
l
lki
l
lusifwedon'tf
inisht
he
j
obtoday ,
wehav
etofi
nishher
"theotherone
answered.

Iswearatt
hatinst
antIal
mostpeedmy
sel
f.
Werethi
skil
ler
s.

"
PleaseGodpr
otectme"Isai
dasi
l
entpr
ayer
.

Iqui
ckl
yplacedmyphoneonsi l
ent,t
heother
guywentaroundtotheki
tchendoorandstar
ted
bangi
ngont hedoor
.

Iwentt
omyr
oom anddi
all
edDi
gger
'snumber
.

Socksanswer
ed.
"helpmeplease,
somemenareinmyhouse,
i
thi
nktheyaregoi
ngtoki
l
lme"Iwhi
sper
ed.

"fuck,
arey
ousaf
e,wher
ear
eyour
ightnow"he
asked

Me:am i
nmyroom, theyareatt
hedoorbuti
hav
elockedal
lthedoors.

"good,stayther
eanddon'tmove,Iwi
ll
bether
e
shor
tly"hehungandIfrozetodeathwhenI
hear
dt hekit
chendooropeni
ng.
Howdi
dtheymanaget
oOpent
hedoor
.
Igotundert
hebedandr
emai
nedst
il
l.

"t
her
e'snooneher
e"oneoft
hem sai
d
"she'
sheream t
ell
i
ngy
ou,
sear
chev
ery
wher
e"
theot
heronesai
d.

Icoul
dheart
hem sear
chi
ng

ThenIhear
dacarbr
akeout
side.

"shi
tsomeonei
sher
e"oneoft
heguysai
d.

"go.
..
go.
..
.Qui
ckl
y"t
heot
heroneal
art
ed.

Iheardf
ootst
epsrunni
ngar
ound,
andt
henI
heardst
rangesounds.
Judgi
ngfr
om wat chi
ngt
oomuchact
ionmovi
es
Icoul
dtel
lthati
twasasoundofasi
l
encer
.
Ir
emai
nedst
il
lnotknowi
ngwhet
hert
ogetout
.

"i
minat
hi.
..
..
IMI
NATHI"ast
rangev
oicecal
l
ed
atme.

"i
tssaf
eyoucancomeout
"headded.
Irol
l
edoutofthebedandatal
lmanwi
thbr
oad
shoulder
swasstandi
ngbyt
hedoor
.

"don'
tbeafr
aid,am socks,
theguyyouwere
tal
ki
ngwit
hont hephone"hesaid"Bradi
gger
tol
dmeabouty ou"headded

Me:
howdi
dyougether
esof
ast
.

Hi
m:Il
andedl
astni
ght
,Ineededt
oset
tl
ein
fi
rstbefor
ecalli
ngyou,It
houghtwest
il
lhad
ti
me.Butitlooksli
keIWaswr ong,
wedon't
havetime.Ihavetokeepyousafe.

Me:
wher
ear
ethoseguy
sandwhoar
ethey
.

Him:itl
ooksl
iket
heyareprof
essi
onalhi
tmen,
butdon'
tworr
yIhavetakencar
eofthem.

Me: howwil
lIli
vel
i
ket
his,
Ihav
eal
i
feand
schooltoat
tend

Hi
m:don'
twor
ryy
ouwi
l
lcont
inuewi
thschool
.
Iwil
lkeepaneyeony
ouwhi
lstwefi
ndreal
evi
dencetopi
nMrnkosi
andhispar
tner
s.

Me:
whyar
eyoudoi
ngt
his,
arey
ouhopi
ngt
o
getsomet
hingi
nret
urn.

Hi
m:don'
twor
ryMrdi
ggerhasal
readypai
dso
muchmoneyf
ormyserv
ices.
Icoul
dn'
tsav
ehi
sli
fesoIowehi
m al
ot.

Me:
seemsl
i
key
oul
ovedhi
m.

Hi
m:Idid,hewasagoodman,i
fonl
yhedi
dn'
t
l
ethi
sterr
ibl
ewif
econtr
olhi
m.

Me:
howdoy
oumean.

Him:hiswif
eistheonewhoi
ntroducedhi
mt o
thenkosi
'
s,evenwhenhewantedtobackedout
shegotpeopletot
hreat
enhi
m.
Thatwomani
spur
epoi
sonous.
Shemi
ghthav
ehel
pedi
nget
ti
ngt
hebosski
l
led.

Me:whoathi
siscr
azy,sohowarewegonnado
t
his,
ImeanWhatwill
mypar ent
ssayi
ftheysee
amanfoll
owingmearound.

Hi
m:don'
twor
ryam goodatt
his.
Noonewi
l
lseeme,
Iwi
l
lkeepmydi
stance

Me:
whataboutmysi
ster
.

Him:yoursi
steri
ssaf
easlongasshe'
snot
snoopi
ngaroundli
keyou

Me:Owh, sohowwi l
lyoubeabletolookaft
er
met henbeabletogathermoreinf
ormati
on
aboutthenkosi
'sandmyst epdad
Hi
m:don'
twor
ry,
Ihav
emyguy
s

Me:
kthen,
sowhat
'sy
ourr
eal
name.

Hi
m:Mt
hokozi
simsi
bi

Me:
thanky
ousomuchf
ordoi
ngt
hismt
ho

Hi
m:it
sfi
ne,
thosebast
ardshav
etopayf
or
ki
l
li
ngmyboss

Me:
theywi
l
l

Wet
alkedmor
eaboutt
hepl
an
Wewer
eint
err
upt
edbyaknock
Hel etthepersonini twassomeguyInev ermet
beforehel ookedv erybuffwit
htat
toosonhi s
for
ear m andhadt rimmedhi shai
rnicel
y,hehad
oneoft hoseChi neseey es.Hewasdanger ousl
y
handsome, heintr
oducedhi msel
fasTeboho,
butsuggest edIcallhimt ebza

"bosswear
edone"hesai
d

Mtho:good,dr
ivet
hem t
othewar
ehouse,
make
sur
etheystayConsci
ous.

Hi
m:shoboss.Si
ster
i,i
tsni
ceseei
ngy
ou.

Me:
nicet
omeety
out
oo.
Heexitedandwecont i
nuedtalki
ngwi
thmtho,
af
terawhi l
ehelef
t,buthepromisedmenotto
worrybecausehehadey esevery
wher
e
watchi
ngme.

Af
terhel
eftIdeci
dedt
ogot
oSar
ah'
spl
ace.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#NQOBI
LE
Iact
uallyspenttheni
ghtintheguestroom.I
coul
dn'tsleep,
Icri
edallni
ghthopingand
pray
ingt oGodtochangemycondi ti
on.
I
twashardsleepi
ngwhileIcouldcl
ear
lyhear
j
etandhi
sgirlf
ri
endshagginginour
matr
imoni
albed.

WhywasIsuf
fer
ingl
i
ket
his.
Jetwokemeupver
yearl
yinthemorningtotel
l
metoprepar
ebr
eakf
astforhi
m andthatbl
oody
Ther
essa.
Ir
efusedandhegavetwohotsl
apt
opr
ovet
hat
hewasn'taski
ngbutt
ell
i
ngme.

Ihadnochoi
cebuttogotot
heki
tchenand
prepar
ebr
eakfastf
ort
hem.
Theycameoutmi nut
esl
aterl
ooki
ngal
lcl
ean
andsmell
i
ngfresh.
Theywer
eal
ll
oveydov
ey.

Myheartcr
ingedast
heykeptki
ssi
ngr
ighti
n
f
rontofme.

Theyat
ethefood,
theywi
l
loccasi
onal
l
yfeed
eachot
her.
Cl
earl
ytheyweremadl
yinl
oveandIwasj
usta
maidtothem.

Aft
ereat
ingt
heyl
eftt
hehouseJetmadei
ta
poi
nttol
ockmein.

Ij
ustt
hrewmyselfont
hecouchandcont
inue
weepi
ngsil
ent
ly.
I
thurtsomuch,whywast
hemanIl
oveHur
ti
ng
methismuch.
..
.

Aterr
ibl
eheadachecr
epti
n,seemsl
i
keadai
l
y
t
hingnow.

I
tsbeenfewweeksnowsinceIkepthav
ingthi
s
t
err
ibl
eheadache,
Ikepthav
ingi
ntensenausea
f
eel
ings.

Ifeltt
heur
getovomi
tbuteacht
imeIr
ant
othe
toil
et,
not
hingwi
l
lcomeout.
Mystomachwasbol
ti
ngandconst
ipat
ionhad
becomemynormal
..
.

*
*
*
*
Iwenttothemast
erbedr
oom anditwasa
mess,Therear
epant
iesandcl
othesonthe
fl
oor
.
Thei
rscentoverwhelmedmynost ri
lsthe
momentIwal kedin.Icoul
dn'
tcontainmy sel
f,I
rantot
hein-suitt
oil
etandvomitedmyl ungs
out.
Herper
fumer
eal
l
ysmel
l
edsohor
ri
ble.

Iwashedmymout
handwentbackt
other
oom.
Iwantedt
ocleanther
oom butIcoul
dn'
t,
the
smell
wasjustunbear
abl
eforme.

Iwenttomyl astdr
awer,t
ookouttwounused
pregnancyt
est.Iwentt
otheguesttoi
l
et,
shut
thedoorandur i
nat
edonbothsti
cks
Iplacedthem onthefloorandsatont
het
oil
et
seatwithmyey esclosed,Iwant
editt
obe
negativ
e

"Godpl easeLetmenotbepr
egnant"Ikept
repeat
ing.

Af
teralongwhil
eIopenedmyeyes,myhands
wereal
lshakyasIat
temptt
otakethetest
s.

ForamomentIfr
ozeasmyey
esr
est
edonbot
h
ofthet
est
s,owhmyGod.
Whynow.

"noooo.
..
.noooo.
..
"Iscr
eamedt
ear
sgav
ein.
It
ossedt
hoset
estagai
nstt
hewal
l
.
Howcoul
dIbepr
egnant
.

Iweptunti
l Icouldn'tcryanymore.Whynow, I
meanhowwi llIsurvivewithtwokids,j
ethas
al
readyturnedmei ntoahousemai dandnowI
havebroughtmy sel
fmor eheartache,t
aki
ng
careofanewbor ni
snochi ld'
splay.

Aftersheddingenoughtear
sIstoodup.Took
thetestandplacediti
nthemainbedroom
ontopoft hebed,j
etwil
lfi
ndthem t
herewhen
hecomesback.

Ar
ound10am Bri
anwokeup,
Ibat
hehi
mthen
pr
epar
edfoodforhi
m.

Icoul
dn'
thel
pbutf
eel
sor
ryf
orhi
m.
If
eltl
i
keIwasnegl
ect
inghi
m.Nowwi
tht
his
comi ngbabyIwill
havetoshif
tallmyat
tenti
on
from himtothenewborn,andmybabywi l
lbe
neglectedbecauseri
ghtnowev enhi
sdadHas
shownl it
tl
etonodevoti
ont ohi
m overt
hepast
fewweeks

If
eltl
i
keIwasgonnafai
lmychi
l
d.HowIwish
mymot herwasher
etohel
pmethr
oughal
lthi
s.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#si
x_mont
hs_
lat
er.

#I
MINATHI

I
tsalmostt
heendofDecember
,itwasalr
eady
passedChr
ist
mas,
itst
wodaysbeforenewyear.

Iwassoanxi
ousbecausev
erysoonourr
esul
ts
woul
dbeoutsoon.
Iwonderedi
fIdi
dwel
lenought
oobt
aina
bur
sary.
Iwassostressed.Ihardl
yenjoy
edmyhol i
day
s
becauseIkeptthi
nkingaboutmyresul
ts.

Sf
isotri
edhi
sbesttocheermeupbutal
lhi
s
ef
fort
swereinvei
n.
I
tsli
kehewasj
ustpour
ingpet
rol
toabur
ning
f
ir
e.

Seth,Sarahanday atr
iedtobethebestof
fri
ends,theymadesur ethatIwasalwaysout
thereandabout,theysaidthatanyt
hingdoi
ng
willgetmymi ndoftheresult
s.

Theysai
dtheywereal
soshitscaredwhent
hey
wereaboutt
orecei
vethei
rresul
ts.

Ireallymissedprecious,Iwashopingshe
woul dbeher eforDecemberholidaysbutshe
didn'tcomeIwasj ustgl
adthatIwasstil
lali
ve,
wemeteachandev eryweekendwithsocksso
thathecoul dnotif
ymeandupdat emewi th
theirprogress.
HehadanI
Tguywhohadal
readybuggedMr
andMr
sNkosi
'
sphones.
Otherguysweregiventhet
asktofi
ndmy
stepdadbecauseitseemedli
kehehad
vanishedf
rom thefaceoft
heeart
h..

Iwasgl adt
hatIwasst
il
lsaf
eandsound,
sti
l
l
breat
hing.
Therapet
ri
alwasst
art
ingont
he17t
hof
Januar
y.

I
twasr eall
ygonnabeawhol elotofsagaandI
hadnoener gyt
ofaceital
l.Buti wascopi
ng,
I
tr
iedt
ot akethi
ngsonestepatt heti
me.

Cebohadstartedat
tendi
ngsomet her
apy,she
hadgonetwicethi
spastmont hsreasonbeing
thedoct
orsaidshewasn'tsupposedtobe
pushedtohardbecausehemi ghtcoll
apse,he
wasgonnaappr
oachev
eryt
hingsl
owl
yall
owi
ng
t
hememor i
estocomebackmorenat
ural
l
y.

Dur
ingal
lthi
s,wehadbecomemor
ecl
oser
t
hanever
.
Wewer einsepar
able.Sheconfidedinmeabout
ev
eryt
hing,eventhefactthatshelosther
Vi
gini
tytomdut hepreviousweek.

Iwasj
ustgl
adt
hatherl
ovel
i
fewassoper
fect
,I
want
edhert
obehappy.

Isti
l
lhav
en'ttol
dmom aboutwhatwehav
e
beenupto,Ineededtogat
heral
lthe
i
nformat
ionfir
stbefor
egoingt
oher.

Icoul
dn'twai
ttofi
nal
lyputal
lmyenemiesi
n
wheretheybel
onged,
whichwasbehindbar
s.
Ij
usthopedmyrelat
ionshi
pwi
thsf
isowas
gonnasurv
ivet
his.

#admi
n

#count
down_
fiv
e_ent
ri
es_
lef
t

[
8/22,
12:
59]Thul
l
y:
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYSI
XTYSI
X

#COUNTDOWN_
FOUR_
ENTRI
ES_
LEFT

#SETH
Alothashappenedinsuchashortspaceof
ti
me,myr esul
tscamebackfewday sagoandI
hadpassedwell,t
womor ey
earsandIwi l
lbe
donewithmycour se

Ist
il
lwasi
nadeepmessbecauseofpreci
ous,
shehadal
readygivenbi
rt
htoababyboywho
shenamedSJ( SETHJUNIOR)
.

JUNIORwasmorewhi
te,
hehasallmyf
aci
al
feat
urest
hent
ookhi
smother
'sey
es.
Althoughhecamei
nanunpl
annedmanneri
reall
ylovedhi
m

Itr
iedmybesttomakesurehewas
comfort
abl
e.Isentmypocketmoneyf
orhi
s
upkeep.
It
rav
elt
hri
cei
namont
hjustt
oseehi
m.
Ever
yt i
meIheldhi
minmyarmsIcoul
dn'
thel
p
butwishthatI
miwoul
dhav
emotheredhi
m.
Iwi
shi
twasi
miwhogav
emet
hisbeaut
if
ulgi
ft
.
"
"
"
Ihav en'
ttoldmyf ami l
yaboutthebabyy et
,it
s
notbecauseam scar ed.ItsbecauseIknewf or
afactt hatwhenIt ellt
hef ol
kstheywould
wannameetJuni orandwhent hathappens
Sarahwi llcometoknowt hatpreciousi
sThe
mot herofmyson, thenshewasgonnat el
limi.
Andt hatwi l
lrui
nev eryt
hing.

GodknowsIsti
ll
hadhopesthati
miwil
lbe
mineoneday,
myl ov
eforhergr
ewevenmore.
Themoreti
meIspentwithhert
hemoreIl
oved
her
.
Ireal
l
yhopedt hingsweredif
ferent.Ihopedshe
hadn'
tmett hatSfisoofaguy.Iwisht hi
ngs
betweenthem nev erwor
ksoutsot haticould
bewithher.
Imiwasmyperfectgi
rl
.IfIwasnotmeanttobe
wit
hherthenwhydidGodgav emef
eel
ingsfor
someoneheknewcannev erbemi
ne.

Iwasgonnapr ovemyselftohernomatt
ert
he
obstacl
es.Il
ovedthatgir
l,andnotev
en
di
stanceoryearsapartwasgonnachanget
hat
.
"
"
"
"
"
"
Wehadjustcamebackf
rom t
hemov
ies,
itwas
ay
a,Sar
ah,imiandI
Wewer etryingtocheeri
miupbecauseshehad
beenthroughsomuchandshewasner vous
aboutthemat ri
cresul
tst
hatwer
ecomi ngout
i
naweekf rom now.

Iwasdri
vi
ngandihadaskedhertosi
tint
he
fr
ont
.Ikeptst
eal
i
ngfewglancesather
.
Damnt
hisgi
rlmademyBl
oodboi
l
,shedr
ove
menut
s.

"
Uhm wear
edr
oppi
ngay
afi
rst
,ri
ght
"Iasked.

Ay
a:y
ep,
am sot
ir
edIneedt
orest
.
I
mi:
sameher
e,wer
eal
l
yhadal
ongday
.

Sarah:
wehadfunt
hough,
Ireal
l
yenj
oyedmy
daywithy
'al
l
.
Ay
a:weshoul
dhangoutmor
eof
ten,
Ifeel
li
ke
wear
edraf
ti
ngapar
t

I
mi :
yeahIf
eelthegapt
oo,
wer
eal
l
yshoul
d
hangoutmore.

Sar
ah:
wel
lthent
omor
rowIhav
easur
pri
sef
or
us.

Me:
am Ial
soi
ncl
uded.

Sarah:hel
lno,youshoul
dhangwit
hyour
fr
iendsmor e,
Ifeell
i
keyouareal
wayswi
thus.
Me:
ithoughty
ouguy
senj
oyedmycompany
.

Sarah:don'
tgetmewr ongwedo, butyousor
t
ofcrampingmyst yl
e,Ican'tevenbewildand
fr
eewi t
hmyol derbrotherhangingovermeli
ke
acloud.

Me:y
oucandowhat
every
ouwannadoIwon'
t
mi
nd.

Sar
ah;
real
l
y(shegav
emeaf
unnyl
ook)

Me:
of'
coz
,whyar
eyoul
ooki
ngatmel
i
ket
hat

Sarah:
not
hing,
butyoucanonlybeourdri
ver
tomorr
ow,youcan'
tj
oinus,
itsagir
lst
hing.
Me:
fine.

WegotatAy
a'shouse,
Shebi
dusgoodby
ethengotof
f,i
star
tedt
he
car
.

"pl
easedr
opmebyt
heshop"Sar
ahsai
d.

Me:
why

Her
:am meeti
ngMi les(mi
l
eswasher
boy
fri
end)hewil
ltakemehome.

Me:fi
net
hen,don'
tcomehomelat
e,Idon'
t
wantmom t
ochopmyheadoff.
Her
:thanky
ou,
youar
ethebest
.

Ipar
kedbyt
heshop.

"nat
hybabe,
Iwi
l
lseey
out
omor
row"Shesai
d.

I
mi:
kgi
rl
,tel
lMi
l
esIsai
dhi
.

Sar
ah:
Iwi
l
l.

Shegotoff,
andIst
art
edt
hecaranddr
ovet
o
i
mi'shouse.
Ther
ewasanawkwar
dsi
l
encei
nthecar
.

"soar
eyour
eadyf
ort
het
ri
al"Ibr
oket
hei
ce.
Me:
Ithi
nkso.

Seth:am sur
ethoseguy
swi
l
lroti
nhel
l
,wher
e
theybel
ong.

Me:
theywi
l
l.

I
twasalr
eadydarkwhenIparkedont
hesi
deof
t
heroadi
nfrontofherhouse.

"i
twasni
cechi
l
li
ngwi
thy
out
oday
"Isai
d.

Her
:Ihadagr
eatt
ime,
thanky
ou.

Shesmi
l
edshowi
ngofherdi
mpl
es,
Ifel
tmy
bl
oodr
ushed.

Wi
thoutnot
iceIt
ookherhand.

"youarethestr
ongestgi
rlIev
erseen"Isai
d
ki
ssingthebackofHerhand.

Her
:Iwi
shIf
eltt
hatst
rong

Me:don'
tworryev
eninyourweakestmoment
j
ustknowthatIwi
llal
waysbether
ef ory
ou.

Her
:thanky
ou.

Thent
her
ewassi
l
enceagai
n.
"letmeopenthedoorforyou"Igotout
.Went
tohersideandopenedthedoor,shest
epped
out,Ist
oodinfr
ontofher.
Wewer
ejustf
ewi
nchesapar
t.

Ihel
dherhandsanddr
ewhercl
osert
ome.

"uhm whatar
eyou.
..
."Ipl
acemyindexf
inger
onhermouthbef
oreshecouldf
ini
shher
sent
ence.

"Il
ovey
ou"Isai
dthat
,,
,mor
eli
keawhi
sper
..
.
Idi
dn'
twaitforherr
esponse,
Ijustsmashedmy
l
ipsagai
nsthers.
Iki
ssedherf
orawhil
euntil
sheresponded,
we
ki
ssedsl
owlyandpassi
onatel
y.
Ihaddreamtofthi
smomentf or
ever
,howsweet
herli
pstast
ed.Thesof
tnessandwarmness
sentchi
ll
sdownmyspi ne.

I
tsli
keafl
oodoffeel
i
ngsjustopenedup,Ihel
d
herbyt
hewaistasweconti
nuedkissi
ng.

Idon'
tknowwhatwentwr
ongbutshebr
oket
he
ki
ss

"damnwhatam Idoi
ng,Ican'
tdothi
s,Ihav
eA
man,i
got
tago"shebr okeoutofmygrip

Me:
buti
miI
..

"sorrybutIhavetogo"shei
nter
rupt
ed.She
rushedoffleav
ingmestandi
ngtherefeel
i
ngal
l
ki
ndsofdi
sappoi
ntment
s

Iwatchedherent
eri
ngt
hegat
eandr
ant
othe
house.

HowIwi
shshewasmi
ne.
..
.

Af
tershewasoutofsi ghtIgoti
nmycarand
dr
ov eof
f,IcheckedmyphoneandIhadfew
missedcall
sfrom pr
ecious

Whatdoesshewant,Ideci
dedtocall
herback
t
hinki
ngthatsomet
hingcouldbewrongwit
hSj.

Hernumberr
angt
wicebef
orei
twasanswer
ed.

Me:
hel
l
o.
"y
eswhoi
sthi
s"aman'
svoi
ceanswer
ed

Me:
whoar
eyou,
wher
e'spr
eci
ous.

Hi
m: yheeyyouhav et
henerveaski
ngmewher e
mygirl
fri
endis.Youaredi
stur
bingus,don'
tcal
l
t
hisnumberagai norIwi
ll
breakyourbonesare
weclear.

.
..
wit
hthatsai
dhedroppedthecall
.Iwasleft
wi
thmymout hhangi
ng.Di
dt hatj
usthappen.
Ineededt
ogetmysonawayf
rom t
hisbi
tchas
soonaspossi
ble.
..
.

It
ossedthephoneont
heseatanddr
oveof
fin
hi
ghSpeed
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#NQOBI
LE

Mypr egnancywasalr
eadyshowing,i
tbecame
harderandhardert
omov earoundbutIhadno
choice.
Thef
actt
hatIwaspr
egnantdi
dn'
tbot
herj
et,
i
nfacthebecomemor
evi
olent
.
Isti
ll
cleanedt
hehouse,
cookanddol
aundr
y
forevery
one.

Ther
esaandherbabyhadmov
edi
nthehouse
Herbabyslepti
nBrian'sr
oom whi
leshesl
epti
n
t
hemai nbedroom withmyhusband
Isl
epti
ntheguestr
oom wi
thBr
ian

Thepr egnancyhadnomer cyonme, Iwas

frequentl
ysick.Mylegswereswoll
en,Ikept
feeli
ngdizzymostoft heti
mewhichwasbad
becausei ti
nterf
eredwit
hmyhousechor es

Jethadn'
tst
ophit
ti
ngme,inf
acthegotwor
se,
I
gotsl
appedever
ytimeImessedup.
Hecal
l
edmei
ncompet
ent
,andaf
ool
.
Ihadlostsomuchwaitr
egar
dlessoft
he
pregnancy,
hest
il
ll
ockedmein.
Iwasnotall
owedtodomyprenat
alv
isi
tssoI
hadnoideahowthebabywasdoi
ng.

Asifallt
hatwasn'tenoughTher esawasal so
hell
bentonmakingmyl ifemiserable,shewas
Alsofourmonthspregnant.Shebossedme
around,want
edmet opreparefoodf orherand
washedherpanties

Iwassupposedt owakeupearly,bat
heher
babyandpreparedherf
orcreche.IfIdi
dn'tdo
thatshewil
lhi
tme, i
fIf
oughtbackshe
report
edmet ojetwhodi
dn'tcareaboutmy
reasons,
hejustbeatmeforhitt
inghispreci
ous
woman.
Idi
dn'tknowli
fecouldbethi
shar
d,Icur
sedthe
dayImetJet.Iwantedtogohome.Iwantedmy
mother.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Iwokeupint hemiddleoftheni
ghtfeel
i
ngso
thi
rst
y,Iwenttothekit
chen,whenIwas
passi
ngbyt heloungeIheardavoi
ce
I
twasj
et,
seemsl
i
kehewasont
hephone

"
makesur
ethatt
heydon'
ttal
k,t
ell
them t
hatI
wi
llgett
hem outoft
hereinnotime.Ihave
madeaplantomaket hei
rdocketsdi
sappear
Justt
ellt
hem t
ost
aycal
mtheywon'
tgot
ojai
l
.
"hesaid

"Markwant stoturnstat
ewi t
ness, he'swill
i
ng
totel
lthecopsev ery
thi
ngabouty ou, he's
gonnagivethem everyt
hing,y
ourdr ugdeal i
ngs,
thedogydealingsAttheclub,t
hef actt hatyou
sentthem togangrapethatthegirlandt hef act
thatyoustabbedthatmant odeath"t hecal l
er
said,
Icouldclearl
yheareveryt
hingbecauset he
phonewasonl oudspeaker.

Jet
:marki
stest
ingme,Iwil
lgetmyguy sonthe
i
nsi
detoshuthi
m upbefor
ethetri
albegin.

Cal
l
er:
howdoy
oumean"shuthi
m up"
Jet:obvi
ouslyhehast
odie,
hedoesn'tknow
thefir
strul
eofthi
sgame"nosnitchi
ng"isthe
fi
rstrul
eandhehasbrokenitsohehastodie.

Call
er:y
oushouldhav eli
stenedtome, It
old
youthatyourobsessi
onwi ththatgi
rlwas
gonnagety oui
ntrouble.

Jet
:Iwasn'
tobsessed.

Call
er:manyousentpeopletogangrapean
i
nnocentgir
ljustbecauseshet
oldyouthatshe
beather.
Youkil
ledherf
atherj
ustbecausehecaughty
ou
thatni
ght,
youkil
ledhi
mjustbecausehewas
gonnabeanobstaclei
nyourrelat
ionshi
p.
Jadenwasagoodman,
hedi
dn'
tdeser
vet
odi
e,
t
hatgi
rldi
dn'
tdeser
vet
ober
apedal
so.

.
..
.Igasped,t
hemomentIHeardthat
,myknees
dropped,Iwassoshocked,
wer
emyears
deceivi
ngme.
Idi
dn'
thearmuchofwhatt
heysai
daf
tert
hat
hugebombshel
l.
Whatdi
dIgetmy sel
fint
o,didIj
ustmar
rythe
manwhomur der
edmyf atheri
ncoldbl
ood.
WasIt
hecauseofi
mi'
spai
n.

"owhGod, ,
,
,owhGod.
..
.Ineedtogetoutof
here"Idi
dn'tr
eal
i
seIwasactual
lysayi
ngthat
outloud.

If
rozet
hemomentmyeyesmetwi
thj
et'
s.He
wasri
ghti
nfr
ontofme.
If
eltmyni
ght
yget
ti
ngdumperasIhadpeedon
mysel
f.

"whatthefuckar
ey oudoinghere,
howlong
haveyoubeenstandinghere"heseet
hed,hi
s
eyeswerebloodred.
Ial
way
sknewhewasbadnewsbutneverhave
Iev
ert
houghthewast
hismuchofamonster
.

"tal
kdammi t
,wereyoueav
esdr
oppi
ngonmy
conver
sat
ion,whatdi
dyouhear
"heyel
l
ed.

Iswal
l
owedhar
dwi
thmybackagai
nstt
hewal
l
.

"t
alkdammi
t"hehi
tharderont
heWal
lbesi
de
me,Ij
umpedi
nshock.
"I
..
..
.I.
..
ididn'
tmeanto,Iwasjustgoi
ngtodr
ink
water,
Ididn'
thearAnyt
hing"Istut
ter
ed

Hi
m:y
out
hinkam af
ool

.
.Ishookmyheadno.
.

Hi
m;sowhyar
eyoumaki
ngmeaf
ool
.
*
*

Ikeptquiet
,bef
oreIcoul
dli
ftmyhead,
ahar
d
blowlandedonmyr i
ghteye
Iscr
eamedinpain,
anot
heronef
oll
owed,
mor
e
punchesr
aindownonme.
"youthi
nkam afool
,youmademedot hi
s"he
keptsay
ingashedel
iver
edmorebeat
ings.

"am sor
ry,
am sosorry
,Iwon'
tdoitagai
n"I
beggedbutev
eryt
hingfel
londeafear
s.

"Idi
dthi
sforyou,Idi
dever
ythi
ngbecauseI
l
ovedyou"hekeptsayi
ng.

Iwasal
readyonthefl
oor,
hekickedmeall
ov er
mybody,mypregnancywasn'
tsparedi
nal
lthis
Heki
ckedmer
ighti
nmyabdomen.

Iscr
eamedandcri
ed,
Iwasbl
eedi
ngandmy
backwasonfi
re.
Myri
ghteyewashal
fclosed,mywholebody
wasi
npainsbuthenev
erst oppedhi
tt
ing.
I
nst
eadhetookoffhi
sbeltandst
art
edhi
tt
ing
mewit
hit
sment alsi
de.

If
eltl
i
kemyf
leshwast
ear
ingof
f.

"pl
easest
op.
..
.st
op.
..
.y
ouar
eki
l
li
ngme"I
scr
eamed.

"mama"mylit
tleBoycal
l
edouthewas
st
andi
ngnearthedoor

Jetl
ookedathi
m wi
thbl
oodshotey
es.

"got
obedbaby
"Isai
d
"gotobed"j
etyel
l
ed,i
nst
eadofgoi
ngt
obed
Bri
anrantous,
hethr
ewhimsel
fatmeand
cri
ed.

"Bri
anngi
ntak'shayahambolala"heshouted
butBri
anscreamedl ouder
,cryi
nghislungsout
.
Hepushedhisf at
herawayf r
om me.

Iguesst
hatanger
edj
etbecauseheslapped
hi
m sohardmybabyl
andedont hef
loor.

"
Youmonst er
,uyi
njayev
a,ungazeushay
e
l
omnftwana"Isai
dpicki
ngthewail
ingBri
an
f
rom t
hefloor
.

"youCall
ingmeadog,
uyangdzel
elawenane"
hepull
edmebymyhairandbashedmyf aceon
thewall
.
Iscreamedi
nagony
,ashar
ppai
nshotr
ight
thr
oughmyabdomen.

"aibo,
what'
sgoi
ngon"Ther
esasai
dappear
ing
fr
om thebedr
oom l
ooki
ngsl
eepy.

"Resagobackt
obed"j
eti
nst
ruct
ed.

"aaah.
..
.mybaby
..
..
.aaaah"Iscr
eamed.

Ther
esarushedt
ome,
ther
ewasbl
ood
ever
ywhere.

"whatthehellhappenedher
e,j
etdoyouwanna
kil
lher"Icoul
dClearl
yseeFearonTher
esa'
s
face.
Icoul
dn'
tsi
tst
il
l,
mywal
l
swer
etear
ingup

"mybabyi
scomi
ng"Icr
ied.

"Besti
ll
ohk,every
thi
ngwouldbef
ine,
just
breat
he"Theresadir
ect
ed.

Jetwasnowleani
ngagai
nstt
hewal
lwi
thhi
s
handsonhi
shead.

"whathavey oudonejet
..
..
fuck,
,herwat
erj
ust
broke.
..
.weneedtotakehertothehospi
tal
"
Theresasuggest
ed.

Jet
:Nooo...
.she'
snotgoingany
wher e,
shecan'
t
beinlabor
,thebabyisnotdueforanothert
wo
months.
Resa:youshoul
dhavethoughtofthatbef
ore
ki
ckingheronthest
omach.Sheneedsa
hospit
alordoyouwanthertodie.

Jet
: she'snotgoi
ngany where,
youstudi
ed
nursing,youwil
ldeli
verthi
sbabybecauseshe'
s
notgoi nganywhere.

Resa:
butIcan'
tIhav
enev
er.
..
..

Jet
:youbet
terdoasIsay
..
.

Resa:fi
nebr i
ngmetowel
sandwar m water
,but
i
fanythi
nghappensitwoul
dbeony ou,shehas
al
readylosttoomuchbl
ood,sheneedsproper
medicalcare.
Jet
:st
opcompl
aini
ngandst
artwor
king.

Hewentt
ofet
cht
heit
emsWhi
l
eTher
esa
hel
pedmesi
tabi
tup.

"mybaby
,pl
easesav
emybaby
,"Icr
ied.

Her:j
ustbr
eathe,y
ouandyourbabyaregonna
befi
ne.Am sorr
yaboutal
lthi
s.Idi
dn'
tthi
nkhe
wil
lgothi
sfar.

..
..
tear
sst
reameddownsi deway
s,ev
erything
waspainf
ul,Icouldn'
tbr
eathepr
operl
y,Ifeltl
i
ke
Iwasgonnadi e.
All
alongBr
ianwassi
tt
ingri
ghtbesi
deme,
sni
ffi
ngwit
hamarkoffiv
efinger
sembedded
onhischeek.If
eltli
keafai
lur
e.Ihadf
ail
ed
bot
hmyki ds.If
ailedtopr
otectt
hem.

Jetcamebackwi
ththetowel
sandwater,
he
fet
chabigpi
ll
owthatsuppor
tedmyupperbody
.
Resaspr
eadabl
ankett
hatIsl
epton.

"takeBr
iant
othebedr
oom "r
esadi
rect
edt
hat
tojet
.

"leavemybabyal
one,don'
tcomenearhi
m"I
screamed,
Iwasn'
tgonnaall
owhimtouchmy
son.

"Nqobi
l
eyouhav
etopush,
push"r
esasai
d.

"aaaaaah.
..
..
"It
ri
edpushi
ngashar
dasIcoul
d.
Resa:
almostt
her
e,push.
..
..

Itr
iedpushi
ngagai
nbutIwasinpain,
Icoul
dn'
t
openmymout hbecausemycheeksWere
swoll
en.

Resa:
push.
..
.onemor
eti
me.

Me:
Ican'
t,
am t
ir
ed,
Iwantt
osl
eep.

Resa:
nodon'
tsl
eeppush.

Me:please..
..
.pl
easet
akecar
eofmy
son.
..
.pl
ease
Wastheonl
ythi
ngIcouldsayasIcoul
dn'
t
br
eat
heanymore,Iwassuff
ocat
ing.

"babydon'tsaythat,am sor
ryIdidn'
tmeanto
hurtyou"j
etheldmyhandIj ustlookedathi
m
asIfeltmysel
fperishing.
Ihadsomuchhat
redf
orhi
m.

"Iwishyoubur
ninhel
lforthi
s"wasthel
ast
thi
ngIsaidbef
orei
twaslight
soutforme.

#ADMI
N
[
8/24,
20:
46]Thul
l
y:

BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYSI
XTYSEVEN.
#I
MINATHI

Damnwhatt hehelldidIjustdo,am icrazy,

why
oneart
hdidIkissSet h,
whatpi ssesmeof fthe
mostisthefactthatIenj
oy edthestupidki
ss.I
wal
kedinsidethehouseal readyfeel
ingli
kea
bi
ggestcheater.
Iwaswelcomedbyanar
omaofmom'
sfav
ori
te
beefst
ew.

Ihear
dvoices,peopl
etal
kingandlaughi
ng,
it
wascomingf r
om theki
tchen,seemsli
kewe
hadvi
sit
ors.

Iwalkedi
nandwasmetbySf i
so'
seyes,
Thabangwassi
tti
ngbesidehi
m,t
henZit
hawas
si
tt
ingbesi
decebo,Gci
nawassit
ti
ngatthef
ar
endoft het
abl
e, sf
iso'
smom wassi
tt
ingatthe
otherend,mom wasbusyset
ti
ngthetabl
e.

"Sanbonani
"Isai
d,shitIhadforgot
tent
hatt
hey
werecomingoverfornewy ear.

"y
ebo"t
heyal
lsang.

"f
inall
yubuyi
l
e"mom sai
d"howwast
he
movies"sheadded.

Me:
itwasgr
eat
.

"fr
iend,Ihear
dt hosemonstersaref
inal
ly
wheretheybelong,Imissyou"Zit
hasaid
squeezi
ngmei nforati
ghthug
"Imi
ssy
out
oo"Ir
esponded

"youlookgr
eatskwi
za"shewhi
sper
ed.
..
.I
smil
ed.

Afterbreaki
ngt
hehugIsatandj
oinedt
hem i
n
theircr
azyconv
ersat
ion.

Icoul
dn'
thelpbutf
eel
gui
l
tyeacht
imemyey
es
metwithSf
iso'
s.

"so,
your
eadyf
ort
her
esul
ts"Thabangsai
d

Me:
readyasIwi
l
lev
erbe.

Zee:
am sur
eyounai
li
twenamngeh,
Me:
Itr
ied.

Mom di
shedupandweat
ewhi
l
etal
ki
ngand
l
aughi
ng.
Nompikeptgivi
ngmeadeathst
are,
Idi
dn'tgi
ve
adamn,Ihadherson'
shear
tsoherhat
redfor
medidn'
tbothermeatal
l
.

Aftereat
ingzi
thaandIclear
edt
het abl
e,we
off
eredtowasht hedi
shes,t
heotherswentt
o
thelounge.

Me:
Soni
zengani
.

Zee:ThabangandIcamewit
hmyf at
her
'scar
,
thenmom andSfisocamewi
thSf
iso'
scar.
Me:
owhsoy
ourf
atheri
sher
e.

Zee;
yeahbutt
heywentt
oseeJoy
ce'
sfami
l
y.
Me:
soy
ouf
inal
l
yfor
gav
ehi
m.

Zee:notent
ir
elybutwearet
ryi
ngtof
ixthi
ngs,
hetakescar
eofusnow, wetal
kfr
equentl
yon
thephone.
I
tsnotmuchbuti
t'
sast
art
.

Me:
ohky

Zee:
am sur
eYouar
ehappyy
ourmani
sher
e.

Me:
lol
pleasecanwechanget
het
opi
c.
Zee:
why
.Imeany
ouguy
sar
eper
fectt
oget
her
.

Me:
Sfi
sowant
stot
ell
mom aboutus.

Zee:
that
'sgr
eat
.

Me:noit
snot ,whati
fmom hatesmeaf t
er
hear
ingthi
s,whatifshechasesceboandIback
i
ntothestr
eets.

Zee:
ncanewi
lldonosucht
hing,
Ithi
nkshewi
l
l
behappyf
ory
ou.

Me: Idon'
tthinkso, mom t
akesusasher
biol
ogicalchil
dren,shewil
lthi
nkt
hatt
hefact
thatam datingsfisoisi
ncest.
Zee:i
ncestmyleftf
oot
,youguy sareperf
ectf
or
eachother
.There'
snootherskwizaI'
l
lrat
her
have.
Youar
eper
fectf
ormybr
other
.

Me:
Iwi
sht
hingswer
ethateasy
.

Zee:theyare,
youar
emybr ot
her
'swi
feand
that
st heendoft
hestor
y.

Me:mxm Ihav
efor
got
tenhowcr
azyy
oucanbe
att
imes.

Zee:am notcr
azyIjustdon'
twannaanyot
her
gi
rlf
ormybr ot
her.Iwantyou.
Me:aibowhati
fyourbrotherandIai
n'
t
dest
inedt
obetogether.Whatifheendsup
marr
y i
ngsomeoneelse.

Zee:overmydeadBody ,t
hatcanneverhappen,
iwon'tal
lowmybr ot
hertobri
ngunknownslay
queensintoourf
amily.
Iwon'tr
ecognizet
hem,Shem t
heywi
l
lbe
evi
ctedfr
om thenkosi
Parli
ament
.

Me:
youar
enut
s.

Zee:
reasonIwannabear
oundy
ou,
youmake
menuts.

Me:
andy
out
hinkt
hat
sagoodt
hing.
Zee:
of'
cozhun.

Me:
Igi
veup.
..
..Your
eal
l
yar
eament
alcase.

.
..
IwashappyZeewasher e,al
thoughIf el
tbad
t
hatImightr
uintherelati
onshi
pt hatsheisjust
r
ekindl
i
ngwithherfather.Mostl
yt hefactthat
MrNkosiwasherescar edmet odeath...
..
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#SFI
SO

Aswesatwat chingthequeenon161, Icoul

d
hardl
ypayanyattent
ion,Iwantedtobreakthe
i
ce.Imiwouldhav et
of or
givemebutIhad
comeherewi t
htheintenti
onsoftel
li
ngncane
aboutourr
elati
onshi
p.
Iwasreadytof
aceanyconsequencest
his
mightbr
ing.

Isummonedenoughcour
aget
henr
educedt
he
vol
ume.

"hhay
isf
isosi
bukel
e"cebosai
d.
Me:am sorr
yfordi
stur
bingy
oubutIhav
ean
announcementt
omake
:
Nowal
ley
eswer
eonme,
Iswal
l
owedhar
dnotknowi
ngwher
etost
art
.

Ncane:hauwhat
'swr
ongFi
so.Di
dsomet
hing
happen.

Gci
na:
didy
ougetsomeonepr
egnant
.

Me:
no.
..
.i
tsnot
hingoft
hatsor
t.

Ncane:
thenwhati
sit

Al
lthi
swhi
l
emom keptgi
vi
ngmeadeadl
ylook,
i
tsl
i
kesheknewwhatIwasaboutt
osay

Me:ncaneIj
ustwanty
out
oknowt
hatIhol
d
youi
nhighregar
ds
Ihavesomuchr espectforyouandIam not
doingthi
stodisgracey ouorthi
sfamil
yinany
way ,
iwil
lunderstandifyoudon'tl
ookatmethe
samewayaf terthisbutpleaseIur
geyouto
dir
ectyourangeratmeandnooneel se

Ncane:y
ousayt
hisi
snotser
iousbuty
ouar
e
scar
ingme.

Me:pl
easedon'
tbescar
ed,
Ihav
esomet
hingt
o
t
ell
youall
.
Well
..
.uhm..
.i
miandIar
einar
elati
onshi
p.I
ts
beenoverayearnowsi
ncewestart
edseei
ng
eachother
.
"what
!!
"Thabanger
upt
ed

Ncanewasclear
lyspeechless,hermouthwas
l
efthangi
ng,
cebowasal lsmi l
es,seemsli
ke
sheknewaboutthi
s.
UncleGci
nashowedNofaci
alexpr
essi
on,
his
facewasjustneut
ral

"mhl
olo,
sfi
soIt
oldy
out
ost
opt
hismadness"
mom yel
l
ed.

Me:i
tsnotmadnessmom i
tscal
ledl
ove,
Ilov
e
i
miandIwill
rat
herl
ooseev
eryt
hingt
hanto
l
ooseher.

Mom:
mxm ukudl
i
sil
elonokr
oyi
.
"nompist
opit
,youcan'
tcal
lmydaught
ert
hat
"
ncanesai
d.

Mom:whichdaught
er,
thi
shal
l
oty
oupi
cked
f
rom t
hestr
eets.
Youhavenoideawhatherf
amil
yiscapableof,
howsureareyout
hatshehasn'
tsl
eptwithyour
husband.

Ncane:ohkt hat
senough,
don'
tinsulti
mi,f
ir
stl
y
Iseenothingwrongwitht
hem dati
ng.Theyare
notrel
ated,andIMIi
sagoodper sonwitha
hugeheart.

Mom:ngazi
leukut
hiuzowmel
alomsangano,
many
alaphelal
awa
Gci
na:
ther
e'snot
hingwr
ongwi
tht
hem dat
ing,
whyar
eyousoworkedup.

Mom: Ijustwon'
tall
owthatthi
ngint
omyhouse,
shecannev erbemydaughteri
nlaw.Sf
isowas
dat
ingagoodgi rl
andhedumpedherbecause
ofthatslut
.

Me:mom not
hingyousayordowil
lstopme
f
rom dat
ingi
mi,Il
oveHerandIam gonnaf
ight
f
orher.

Mom:youcanf
ightall
y ouwantbutshecan
nev
erbemydaughterinlaw.

Me:
wel
lthenIdon'
tcar
e,Il
oveher
.
Ncane:l
et'
sall
owtheki
dstomakethei
rown
choi
ces,whyshoul
dwestandi
nthewayof
thei
rhappi
ness.
I
mi!
..
..
imi

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#I
MINATHI
Weweresti
l
lbusywit
ht hedisheswhenwe
hear
dshout
scomingfrom thelounge.

Zee:
andt
henkwenzakal
ani
ngal
e

Me:angati
,butsoundsl
i
key
ourmot
heri
s
shout
ingatsomeone.

Ri
ghtt
henmom cal
l
edmyname.

"whati
sitnow"Irhet
ori
cal
l
yasked,
zee
shr
uggedhershoul
ders
"Mah!
"Ianswer
ed.

IwipedmyhandsthenzeeandIf
oll
owedone
anothert
othel
ounge.
Themomentigoti
n,sfi
so'
smot herpr
act
ical
l
y
peel
edmyski
noffwithhergaze.

Shecli
ckedhert
ongue"mt
hakat
hi"shef
inal
l
y
spoke.

Mom: nompiwi
l
lyoust
opi
tal
ready
,youar
e
act
ingli
keachi
l
d.

Nompi
:what
ever
.

Mom:
sisi
hlal
aphansi
.

Ididasinst
ruct
ed,sf
isogavemethe"am sor
ry
l
ook"myey eswonderedall
Aroundt
heroom,
ever
yonewasstari
ngatme.
"Iwanty
out obehonestwi
thme,isi
ttr
uet
hat
youandsfi
soaredati
ng"mom asked

Ichokedonmyownsal
i
va,
Idi
dn'
texpectt
hat
atall
.

Me:
I..
we.
..
yesmah,
am sosor
ry.

Mom: whyI
MINATHI,
couldn'
tyouhav
elooked
atsomeoneel
seoutt
here.

Ikeptqui
etf
eel
i
ngashamed.

"whatwil
lhappenify
ouguy shurteachand
breakup,
howwi l
lyoulookateachother
becauseyoubothpar
tofthisfamil
y,won'
tthi
s
af
fectusal
l
"mom cont
inued.

Me:itwon'
t.
..
.It
sjusthappenedsofast
,am
sor
rymahIdidn'tmeantodisappoi
ntyou.

Mom: Idi
dn'
tsayam di
sappoi
nted,
am just
sur
pri
sed,whendidt
histhi
nghappen.

Me:
lastDecember
.

"thedayIf
oundt
hem bot
hnakedi
nbed"nompi
said.

Mom:
what
.

Nompi
:askt
hem.
Mom:
ist
hist
rue.

"yes,butt
hatwasj
ustamist
ake,
mom wasn'
t
supposetobadgei
nmyroom"sfi
sosai
d.

Nompi
:notsupposedt
obadge!i
nwhosehouse?

Mom: t
hisi
ssuchadi
sgr
ace,
Idon'
tmi
ndy
ou
dat
ingbutIwon'
t
Tol
orat
eyousl
eepi
ngundermyr
oofar
ewe
cl
ear

Webothnodded,
bothmom anddadwenton
andontel
l
ingustobehav
eandwhatnot
.
Nompi
wasst
il
lagai
nstt
her
elat
ionshi
p.
Iwasr
eli
eft
hatt
hesecr
etwasf
inal
l
youtbutI
wassl
i
ght
lymadatsf
isof
ordoi
ngt
hiswi
thout
t
ell
i
ngme.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Aft
eral
ongl
ect
uret
hef
ami
l
yfi
nal
l
yret
ir
edt
o
bed.
Ideci
dedt
otakeaqui
ckshowerbef
oregoi
ng
tobed.
Iwasst
il
li
ntheshowerwhenmyphoner
ang.
"bhut
'socks"Ianswer
edi
nal
owt
one.
Ij
ustneededt
obeasdi
scr
eteasIpossi
bly
coul
d.

Hi
m:hey
,yougood.Canwet
alk.

Me:y
eswecantal
k,how'
sthesear
chcomi
ng,
di
dyouguy
sfi
ndanythi
ngnew.

Hi
m:i
nfactwedi
d,wef
oundPat
ri
ck.

Me:
wai
t.
..
.what
?Whi
chPat
ri
ck.

Hi
m:y
ourst
epdad.Wef
oundhi
m.

Me:
when,
how?
Hi
m:earl
i
ertoday
,hecr
ossedt
hebor
deri
nto
t
hecount
ry.
Hewascomingfrom Swazil
and,
andwel
lsi
nceI
hav
emyboysev ery
where,hi
snamefl
aggedthe
momenthesteppedinher
e.

Me:omg,Idon'
twisht
osetMyey
esont
hat
monst
er,
wher ei
sheri
ghtnow

Hi
m:mal el
ane,
hebookedhi
msel
finaBnBi
n
mal
elane.
Hewaswi
thawoman,
theyseemedi
nti
mat
e.

Me: ohky,
isthi
sacoi nci
denceorwhat,Imean
Mrnkosi i
sinnelspr
uitthensuddenlymy
stepdadshowsupf rom nowhere,andhe'
sonl
y
fewkilometr
esfrom here.
Him:it
'snocoincidence,thoset woareupt o
something.ButIthi
nkt hem beingher eatt
he
sametimei sexactl
ywhatIwant .I
tsagood
thi
ngwehav eMrsdiggerwi thus, It
hink
abducti
ngher ,
placedmor epr essureonthem.
Theleashonthei
rnecki
sti
ght
eni
ngandt
hat
s
exact
lywhatIwant

Me:
wai
tyouabduct
edMr
sdi
gger

Him:yes,
,
,,t
hatwomanhasmorethanenough
i
nfor
mat i
ontogett
hosetwobast
ardsl
ocked
behi
ndbars.

Me:
sohasshest
art
edt
alki
ng.
Hi
m: oneofmybesti
nter
rogat
ori
sst
il
l
i
nter
rogat
ingher
.

Me:
ohk,
arey
ousur
eshewi
l
lspi
l
lthebi
ns

Him:don'tworrytebzai
sthebesti
nter
rogat
or,
hewillhaveevery
t hi
ngsoon.Andwearegonna
recor
dev er
ythi
ngsheSay s.

Me:
ohky,Iam scar
ed,
whati
fMrnkosi
isher
e
t
ofi
nishmeoff.

Hi
m: don'tworryyouaresafe,t
woofmyguys
ar
ewat chingyourhouse,i
fthere'
sanyf
unny
movementt heywill
act.

Me:
phewww,
that
sar
eli
ef.
Hi
m:Igot
tago,
don'
twor
ry,
wear
ecl
osi
ngi
non
t
hem.

Me:
thanky
ouf
ordoi
ngt
hisf
orme.

Hi
m:y
oudon'
thav
etot
hankme

Aft
erdroppi
ngt
hecal
lIcont
inuedWashi
ngmy
body.
Aft
erthatshower
,It
iedat
owel
andexi
tedt
he
bat
hroom.
Ibumpedi
ntoSf
iso.

"geezyouscaredme,It
houghtev
ery
onehas
gonetobed"Isaid.
Hi
m:am sor
ry,
Iwaswai
ti
ngf
ory
ou.

Me:
what
'
sup.

Him:Ijustwant
edtosayam sorr
y,Ishoul
dn'
t
havejusttol
dever
yoneaboutuswithouty
our
permi
ssion.

Me:vel
eyoushoul
dn'
thav
e.Marawhatthehel
l
wer
ey out
hinki
ngt
ell
i
ngmom aboutus
Doy ouwannar
uinmyl
i
fe,
ist
haty
our
i
ntenti
ons.

Hi
m: nobabe,
Ijustwant edustobefree,
your
mom wasunderstandingaboutever
ythi
ng.
At
leastnowwedon' thavetopl
ayhideandseek.
Me:Whati
fmymom r
espondeddi
ff
erent
ly.
..
.
Whatt
hen.

Hekeptqui
et.
..
.

"am sor
rybabe"hesai
d.

Ismiledbecausedeepi
nsi
deIfel
tli
ght
er,
may betel
li
ngmom aboutt
hiswasthebest
thi
ngaf t
erall
.

"f
ine,
Ifor
giv
eyou"

"thankyou..
..
thanky
ou"hesweptmeof
fmy
feetspi
nningmei nt
heair
..
.

"putmedown.
..
.Fi
sopl
easepl
easey
ouwi
l
l
dr
opme.Putmedown"Itr
iednott
oscr
eam as
muchsot
hatIwon'
twaket
hefamil
y.
Hefinal
l
yplacedmedownandki
ssedmy
f
orehead.

"Il
ovey
ou"hesai
dlooki
ngdeepl
yint
omyey
es.

Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo.

Hi
m:Imi
ssedy
ou.

Me:
notasmuchasIMi
ssedy
ou.

Hi
m:mmmhreal
l
y..
.t
henshowdaddyhow
muchy
oumi
ssedme.
Me:
youcr
azy
.

Hi
m:cr
azi
l
yinl
ovewi
thy
ou.

Hesmashedhisl
ipsagai
nstmi
neandwe
ki
ssedpassi
onat
ely
.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
I
twasaround5:
30am whenIhear
dmom
l
i
ter
aryscreami
ng.

"ai
bowhat'
swr
ong"Zeeaskedwaki
ngup,
she
hadsl
epti
nmyroom

Ial
sosatup.

"seemsl
i
keshe'
scr
ying"Ir
esponded.

Zee:
Yebouy
akhal
a.

"ai
bo"webothgotoutoft
hebedandrushed
outt
heroom wear
ingonl
yourni
ght
ies.

Mom,
Gci
naandnompi
wer
eint
hesi
tt
ingr
oom.
Me:
what
'
sgoi
ngon.

Gcina:
mak' wakhoucedzakuf
tol
aluci
ngo,i
ts
thehospit
al,Nqobi
l
eisinthehospi
tal
,Si
mo
sakhesibucayi
.

Zee:
owhno,
whathappened.

Gcina:wenotr eal
l
ysure,phumzil
eal
socal
led
us,she'sal
readyinthehospit
al,
weneedto
rushtherebecauseshesaidthedoct
orsar
enot
sureifshe'
llmakeit.

Mom:kantsi
uphi
sfi
so,
let
'
sgo,
Ineedt
osee
mybaby.
Isweari
fany
thi
nghappenst
omygi
rlIwi
l
l
nev
erf
orgi
vemy
sel
f.
..
.

Short
lyaf
tersf
isocameinwit
hthecarkey
s
fol
l
owedbyThabangandCebowhowas
car
ryi
ngasleepingbabyowet
hu.

Iwentt
otakeagownandgrabbedZi
tha'
sgown,
weworeitandr
ushedt
othecar.
WegotinThabang'
scarwhil
emom,Gcina,
and
nompi
gotinmom' scar
,sf
isowasdr
ivi
ng.

Weal
ldr
ovet
othehospi
tal
..
..

"owhGodl
et'
shopeshe'
sfi
ne"cebosai
d..
.

Wedrov
eall
thewayinsi
l
ence,
eachofusl
ost
i
nourownThought
s.
BabyOwet
huwasdeepi
nhi
ssl
eeponcebo'
s
l
ap.

Thi
swasr
eal
l
yamessedupshi
t.

#admi
n

#count
down_
thr
ee_
ent
ri
es_
lef
t
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYSI
XTYEI
GHT

#SFI
SO

Wegottothehospi
tal
premiseswit
hinabl
ink
ofaney
e.Ipar
kedinfr
ontofthebui
ldi
ng,
Thabangpar
kednextt
ome.
Mom andncanegotof
fandrushedi
nsi
dewhi
l
e
Gci
naandIfoll
owedaf
tert
hem.

Wecaughtt
hem att
her
ecept
ionar
eat
alki
ngt
o
phumzi
l
eandsomenurse.
Wej
oinedt
hem.

"howi sshe,whatr
eall
yhappened"ncane
asked,tear
swerealr
eadyst r
eami
ngdownher
cheeks,hervoi
cewasbr oken.

"Idon' tknowmuchoft hestor

ybutagi r
lcalled
me, shet oldmetocomet othehospit
alquickly,
Iaskedherwhy ,
shesaidNqobilewasinthe
hospital,shewasinl
abor"Phummyanswer ed,
herey eswer ebl
oodred,shehadhiccups.
"inlabour
,soshewaspr egnant,
buthow, Br
ian
i
sj ustachi
ld,sowhatdoesbeinginlabourhas
todoherbei ngi
nal i
feanddeathsi
tuati
on,is
thereanycomplicat
ionswit
hthepregnancy"
ncanesaid.

"noma'am,i
tsnotonl
ythepr
egnancythathas
becomeathr
eateni
ngfact
ori
nNqobile'
sli
fe.
Shehas
Sustai
nedverygr
uesomei nj
uri
es.Shehasf
ew
brokenri
bs,Apunct
uredlung,ator
nwomband
severei
njur
edmuscles.
Herf
acei
sli
ter
all
ybashed.
Whoeverat
tackedherwant
edt
oki
l
lher
"the
nur
ser
esponded.

Ncane;
sosomeoneat
tackedapr
egnant
woman.
Wher
ewasherhusbandwhenal
lthi
shappened.
Wher
eisher
ightnow.

Nur
se:
wel
lma'
am Idon'
tknowmuchabout
t
hat
.
Butshewasbroughtinher
ebyacolour
ed
woman,wholeftshort
lyaf
tergi
vi
ngus
Phumzil
e'
snumber .

Ncane:
sohowi
ssher
ightnow.

Nurse:thedoctor
sar
edoi
ngal
ltheycant
o
sav
et hem both.

Ncane:Godpl
easesav
ethem,
Ican'
tl
oosemy
daught
er.
Ther
e'ssomuchIneedt
otel
lher
.
Ncanel
ookedsodefeat
ed,shel
ookedl
i
ke
someonewhohadlosthope.

"sowhat
'st
henameoft
hegi
rlwhobr
oughther
her
e"Gci
naasked.

Nurse,letmecheckf
oryou..
..
..
..
.uhm i
ts
Theressamnisi
,shel
efthernumbers.

Gci
na:
canIhav
ethem.

Nur
se:
:072254.
..
..
.

Gci
natookthenumber ,
thenweweretol
dto
wai
tinthewait
ingArea,weal
lsatandwait
edin
ant
ici
pati
on,ev
eryonehadsomethi
ngtosayyet
weall
askedoursel
vesonequest
ion,
,
,,
,
what
r
eal
lyhappened?
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#SETH

Ar
oundmidni
ghtmyphoner
ang,
itwas
pr
eci
ous.
If
eltangert
aki
ngov
er,
whywasshedi
stur
bing
mysleep.

"whyareyouCall
i
ngmet
hisl
ate"Ianswer
edi
n
ani
rri
tat
edtone.

Her:i
sthathowyouansweryourphone.What
's
wrongwithmecall
i
ngy ouatt
histi
me.
ImeanyouknowSJisst
il
lyoung,
hecangi
ve
meprobl
emsanyti
meofthenight.

Me:
issomet
hingwr
ongwi
thSJ.

Her
:not
hingi
swr
ongwi
thsj
,iwannat
alky
ou.

Me:owhnowyouwannatal
k,Ical
l
edy
ouear
li
er
andamananswer
edyourphone.
Her
:thatwasmycousi
n.

Me:real
l
y,doy
outhi
nkam nai
ve,
howcany
our
cousi
ntell
metol
eaveyoual
one.

Her:hewasj ustpull
ingyourl
egbutclear
lyyou
tookhim seri
ously
,any waybel
iev
ewhaty ou
wannabel i
eve.Butthat'
snotthereasonwhyI
call
you.

Me:
whatdoy
ouwant
,mor
emoney

Her
:no,
am comi
ngbackt
onel
spr
uit
.

Me:
Whatdoy
oumean.
Her:
Ican'
tli
vehereanymore,
mygrannyi
s
gi
vi
ngmehel lpl
usthi
splacei
sbor
ingsoam
cominghome.
Andonceam ther
eIwi
lll
eteveryoneknow
aboutus.Youhav
etot
ellyourparent
saboutSJ
soon.

Me:whyar
eyoudoi
ngt
his,
arey
out
ryi
ngt
o
puni
shme.

Her:t
hisisnotaboutyou,ImissmyhomeandI
cannotstayher
ejustbecauseyouwantmeto
hideyourshame.

Me:pr
eci
ousdon'tdot
his,
letmetel
lmy
par
ent
sfi
rstbef
oreyoucomehere.

Her
:no,
youhadpl
ent
yoft
imest
odot
hat
,I
wasnotaski
ngfory
ourpermission,Iam
comi
ngtheretomor
rowthat
'sfinal.

Withthatsai
dshecutthecal
l,
Itri
edcal
li
ngher
backbutshedidn'
tansweri
nsteadshecutt
he
cal
l.

Icoul
dn'
tsl
eep,
Iexi
tedmyr
oom wentt
othe
ki
tchent
odri
nkwater.
Iwassuf
focat
ingandIneededt
oclearmyhead.
Ir
eal
lyneededtotel
lmyparent
saboutthi
s.

Iwassti
l
ldri
nki
ngwat
erwhenSar
ahent
ered
hol
dingabat
.

"goshit
sy ou,youscar
edme,Ithoughtther
e
wasani nt
ruderInt
hehouse"shesaidtossi
ng
thebatdown.
Me:andwhati
fitwasanint
ruder
,wer
eyou
gonnaat
tackmealone.

Her
:Iknowfewdef
encemov
es,
Icanhandl
e
myselfpr
ett
ywel
l.

Me:
owh.

Her
:any
waywhyar
eyouup,
youseem f
lushed.

Me:wel
lIneededt
obr
eat
he.

Her
:what
'swr
ong.

Me:
am i
ntr
oubl
e.Imadeahugemi
stakeand
nowev
ery
thi
ngi
saboutt
obl
owi
nmyf
ace.

Her
:thi
ssoundsser
ious,
whathappened.

It
ookadeepbr
eat
he.

Her:
youaremaki
ngmener
vous,
cany
ousay
somethi
ng.

Me:
wel
lIhav
eababy
.

Her
:what
!,ar
eyouki
ddi
ng,
ist
hisapr
ank.

Me:
Iwi
shi
twas.

Her
:sowher
eist
hebaby
,howol
disshe/
he,
who'
sthemot
her
.

Me:
itsaboy
,andhi
smot
heri
spr
eci
ous.

Her:
preci
ous.Whi
chpreci
ous.Don'
ttel
lmey
ou
ar
etalki
ngaboutmyf
ri
end.

Il
ookeddown.
..

Her:owhmywor l
d.Youweretheone
responsi
blef
orherpr
egnancy
.Buthow,
Ican'
t
beli
evethi
s.

Me:well
r emembertheminibr
aai
wedi
d,y
ou
andayaleftmewit
hpr eci
ous.
Wewer edr
unksoOnet hi
ngledt
oanother
,we
hadsex,weusedpr
otecti
onbutt
hecondom
bust
ed.

Her
:theny
oushoul
dhav
eboughtt
hepi
l
l.

Me:
Ididgi
veherthemoneyfort
hepi
ll
,shet
old
mesheboughti
tbutcl
ear
lyshedi
dn'
t.

Her
:owhGod, t
hisi
stwist
ed.Iknowpreci
ousis
myfri
endbutIcan'
tst
andher,nowshe'sgonna
bepar
tofourli
ves.
Ar
eyougonnamar
ryher
.

Me:hell
no,am justgonnat
akemyson.Ican'
t
marryt
hatgir
l.She'ssomanipul
ati
veand
ar
rogant.

Her
:Ican'
tbel
i
evet
his,
Ireal
l
ythoughty
ouand
I
MIwer
egonnaendupt
oget
her
.

Me:that
'swhatIwant,
Ilov
eimiandIr
eal
l
y
wanthertobeapartofmylif
e.

Her:wel
lIdon'
tseethathappeni
ng,Imean
onceshefi
ndsoutaboutthisIdon'
tthi
nkshe
wil
lwannabewithyou.

Me:t
henyouwil
ltal
ktoherf
orme,
makeher
seet
hatIl
oveher
.

Her:Iwon'
tdosuch,ImeanwhywouldIwant
myfr i
endtodatesomeonewhohas
i
mpr egnat
edherfri
end.Besi
desNat
hyi
sdati
ng
Sf
iso,andsheloveshim.
Me:
butSar
ahIl
oveI
mi,
pleasehel
pme.

Her
:Ican'
t,
justl
eav
emeoutoft
his.
DamnIcan'
tbel
i
evey
ousl
eptwi
thpr
eci
ous.

Me:
howIwi
shi
twasani
ght
mar
e.

Her:
soam nowanaunt
,ican'
twai
ttoseet
he
l
it
tl
eone.
Sohav
eyout
oldt
hepar
ent
s.

Me: am pl
anni
ngontell
i
ngthem i
nthemorni
ng
becausepreci
oussaysshe'
scomingbackt
o
nel
spruitt
omorrow.

Her
:wowgoodl
uck.
Me:
youar
enotgi
vi
ngmemuchhope.

Her
:well
sorr
ybro,
am notahopegi
ver
,letme
gobacktomybed.
Isti
ll
needtopr
ocesst
hef
actt
haty
ouf
ucked
preci
ous.

Me:
youmakei
tsoundsobad.

Her
:it
sact
ual
l
ywor
set
hanImakei
t.Am of
fto
bed
Seey oui
nthemorni
ng,Ican'
twaittoheary
ou
tel
li
ngthefol
kst
hattheyareapparent
ly
grandpar
ents
Whoawai
tti
l
ltheyseet
hei
r"daught
er-
in-
law"
Shelaughedasshewalkedawayandiwasl
eft
wit
hmyst omachcold.Ipl
acedt
hecuponthe
si
nkandwal kbackt
omyr oom
Ihar
dlysl
eptt
hatni
ght,It
houghtofwaysI
woul
duset ot
ell
myf ol
ksaboutmystupidi
ty
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#I
MINATHI
.

Aft
erwhatf
eltl
i
keforev
ert
hedoct
orscameout
andtol
dusthestat
eNqobi
l
ewasin.
Apparent
lytheyhadtoperf
orm ac-
secti
ont
o
takethebabyoutbecauseshehadacord
wrappedaroundherneckthatwaschoki
ngher
.
Theymanagedtosavet
hebabyalthoughshe
wasstil
li
nobserv
ati
onbecauseshehada
fr
actur
edskul
l.
Wewer etoldthatNqobil
ehadalsof r
actured
fewofherbones, herhi
pboneandl eftknee.
Shehadbr okenribsandapuncturedlungso
shewasusi ngpipestobreat
he,thepipeswere
toassi
sthert obeabletosuppl
yoxy gentoher
body.

Shehadar
upt
uredbl
oodv
essel
onherskul
lbut
l
ucki
l
ythebl
ooddi
dn'
tgett
oherbr
ain.

Wewer eal
lowedtogoseeher
,whenwegott o
herwardever
ythi
ngwasamess.Shelookedso
horr
ibl
eli
kesomeonewhohadbeeninvolv
edin
acaracci
dent.
Hercheekswereswol
l
en,
herli
psbrokenand
swol
len.Herl
eftey
ewasalmostshutcl
ose.

"owhnkos'
yam umnf
twanami
,whatdi
dtheydo
toher
.Whodidthi
s"mom hel
dHerhandand
j
ustwept.

"theywantedt
okil
lher
,,
,
,t
heywant
edt
oki
l
lher
"shekeptsayi
ng.

"godwhocandot
hist
oahumanbei
ng,a
womanfort
hatmat
ter
"phumzi
l
esai
d.
"whoeverdi
dthi
sshoul
dbepuni
shed"nompi
addedwipi
ngherowntear
s.

Gcinastoodbythedoor.Hi
sey
eswereblood
red,hehadunnoti
ceabl
yfor
medhar
dfistwit
h
bothhishands.
Vei
nspoppedonhi
sfor
ehead.

"am gonnaki
l
lwhoev
erdi
dthi
s"hef
inal
l
ysai
d.

Mom: pl
easecomedown,
weshoul
dthr
ead
car
eful
ly
.
Weneedtoknowwhodidthi
s,pl
easedon'
tgo
onaki
ll
i
ngspree,
Ican'
tl
ooseyou.

Gci
na:
butphi
ndi
Ican'
tj
ustsi
tandwat
chour
daughtersuf
fer
,sheismyblood,Ineedtobe
thefat
herIhadfail
edtobeallt
hosey ear
s.

Mom:
Gci
nast
op.
..
..
pleasest
op.

.
..
.weal
llookedateachothershocked,
didhe
j
ustcal
lNqobil
ehisdaughter.
Clear
lythere'
salotgoi
ngonherethanmeetthe
eyes,butitseemsli
keall
theel
dersknewabout
thi
sbecauset heywereal
lcal
m exceptf
orus.

"ki
dsPl
easeexcuseus"nompi
sai
d.

Sf
iso:
butmom.
..
.

Nompi
:nowFi
so!
Weal
lexi
tedt
hewar
dleav
ingt
hem t
her
e.

"goshdidBablomncaneGci
naj
ustsayhe'
s
Nqobil
e'
sfather.
"zi
thasai
dassoonaswe
st
eppedoutside.

Thabang:IthoughtIwast
heonl
yonewho
hear
dt hat
.

Me:
damnt
hisi
scr
azy
,howcoul
ditbepossi
ble.

Cebo:butcometot hinkofit
,cany'
allj
ustlook
atbabyowethucarefull
y.Ihadalwaysthought
helookedli
keNqobi butIhaddismissedit
thi
nki
ngitwasnothing.

Weal
ltookal
onghar
dlookatowet
hu,
and
cebowasr
ight
,her
eal
l
ydi
dlookl
i
keNqobi
l
e.

"wow,
howi
sitpossi
ble"Isai
d.

Zee:maybencanedat
edGci
nabef
orehedat
ed
Jaden.

Cebo:ifsot
henshemov
edf
rom onebr
othert
o
thenext.

Me:
Idon'
tthi
nkt
hat
str
ue.
Sfi
so:
may
bencanecheat
edonj
adenwi
th
Gci
na.

Thabang:owhwowsoGci
naat
efr
om t
he
for
biddenfr
uit
.
Sf
iso:
yeahmay
be.

Thabang:
hedoesn'
tl
ookl
i
ket
het
ype.

.
..
.weallhadourt
heoryonwhatmighthave
r
eall
yhappened.ButNoneofusr
eallyknew
whathappened.
*
*
*
*
*
*
#SETH

ThenextdayIhadnochoi
cebutt
otel
lmyf
olks
aboutSJ.Mymom wasbr eat
hingf
ir
e,she
call
edmeirresponsi
bleandhatedt
hefactthatI
hidthechi
l
df rom t
hem evenmore.

TheyendedupwantingtoseePr eci
ousandSJ,
al
thoughImadeitverycl
eartomymot hert
hatI
hadnointent
ionofmarry
ingprecious.
Theyagreedtodoanythi
ngt
hatwassupposed
tobedonei nt
heAfr
icancul
tur
einor
derto
havecustodyofmyson.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#Two_
mont
hs_
lat
er
#I
MINATHI

Dayswentonpret
tyf
ast.Igotmyr
esul
tsandI
passedwi
thfl
yi
ngcolor
s.
Ihadbeenacceptedi
nUPsoIwasbackwi
th
SarahandSeth.

NQOBILEwassti
l
linacoma,
herbabywas
r
ecoveri
ngver
ywell
.
Weal l
hadhopedthatshewakesupsoon
becauseherbei
nginthehospi
tal
real
l
yputa
tol
lonmom.

Shewasl
oosi
ngweightv
erydr
ast
ical
l
y.She
wasal
waysbyhersi
de.
TherewasnosignofJethr
oortheladywho
broughthert
othehospi
talt
hatday
.

Nompi wasStil
l i
nnelspruit
,sowasMrNkosi
andmyst epdad,Ihaven'tseenmyst
epdadbut
sockstoldmet hathewasseenhav i
ng
meetingswit
hMrnkosi .
Justaweekagot heyhadameeti
ngatJoy
ce
restaur
antandf
unnyenoughnompiwaspartof
thatmeeti
ng.
Ir
eal
l
ywant
edt
oknowwhatt
heywer
eupt
oo.
Theyhadsentf
ewguy stoat
tackmet
wo
weeksbackbutsocks'
guysweret
her
etosav
e
theday.

Sockstol
dmet hathewoul
dtakecar
eof
ever
ythi
ng,al
lIneededt
odowast of
ocuson
myschool.
Iwasjustgl
adthattherapecasehadbeen
post
poned,itwasgonnacommencei nJune.
Atl
eastIhadenoughtimetofocusonme.

Sfi
sowasbackt owor k,heworkedi
nJo'burgso
hecamet oPtafrom ti
met oti
me.Wewer eable
tospendti
met ogetheralt
houghIwaspull
ing
away,Iwasjustafr
aidthatonceIfi
ndt
het rut
h
aboutwhathisparentsdidtomymom Iwon' t
l
ovehim asmuch

Cebowascomingal
ongjustf
ine,shest
art
ed
remember
ingsomestuf
faboutthatni
ght

Sher ememberedthatt
hewomanwhot ookHer
totheotherr
oom wasnompi .Sheremembers
seeingsfi
soatthedoorwayofthatroom i
nhi
s
PJs,
heaskedhi
smom whatwasgoi
ngonand
nompit
oldhi
mtogobacktobed.

Hel
eftwi
thoutaski
nganyquest
ions,
she
r
emembersat al
lwhi
temanenteri
ngther
oom.

Sheremembersseeingmrnkosit
alki
ngwi
th
thewhi
temanbyt hedoor
.Sheremembershi
m
sayi
ng"begentl
e,she'
smydaughter"

That'
sal
lsheremember edsofar
.Shewas
gonnakeepat
tendingthesessi
onsunt
ilshe
remembersev
erything.

Ihopeditwoul
dbesoonerthanlat
erbecause
sockssaidwhenIcomehomef ortheJune
holi
daysever
ythi
ngwil
lbeover
.
Ithi
nkhegoti nformat
ionfr
om Mr sdi
ggerthat
hedidn'twannat el
lmeabout.Butam pret
ty
surethattheinformat
ionwasenought oputan
endtoev ery
thing.

Ij
ustHopet hatgoi
nghomefort
heJune
hol
idayswil
l br
ingmeanswer
sfr
om my
unansweredquesti
ons.
BecauseIhadal
otoft
hose.

#admi
n
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYSI
XTYNI
NE

#SETH
Thi
ngswentonswi f
tl
ywell.SJwasli
vi
ngwit
h
myparent
salthoughpreci
ousgaveushel
l
bef
orehandi
nghim overtous.
Myf amil
yhadt opaydamagesorwhat not
,her
mom wast heonewhof or
cedustotakethe
babybecausepr eci
ouswasmorefocusedon
part
y i
ngandleavingthebabywi
thherthan
taki
ngcareofhim.

preci
ousdidn'
twannahandov erSJbecauseif
shehandedhim overitwasgonnameanhav i
ng
tolooseherCashflow.ButtrulyspeakingIwas
sogladwhenhermot herhandedsj overtomy
parents,
atl
eastIknewhewasbei ngtakencare
of.

Sar
ahr
eal
l
ylov
edSJ,
shewasal
way
shol
ding
hi
m.
Shehasmi
l
li
onpi
ctur
esofhi
minherphone.
Iwasjustgl
adt
hatshedi
dn'
ttel
li
miaboutt
he
si
tuat
ion
Iwasev enmor egladthati
mi deci
dedtocome
toUP,itwassogr eatwakingupandseei ngher
ever
yday ,Ievenenj
oyedschool morenow
becauseIknewshewast here.Weat et
ogether
mostoft hetime.Idi
dn'tmakeanymov eson
herIwasj ustGladshewasher e.

Preci
ousal
wayscalled,Ihaveblockedher
numberri
ghtaf
tertell
ingherthatIwanted
nothi
ngtodowithher.

It
oldherthati
fshewant
edt
oknowaboutSJ'
s
well
-bei
ngsheshoul
dcal
lmymom.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#NARRATED

Sockswasinhi
scr
ampyoneroom t
hathehad
j
ustrent
ed,
hewasgonnast
ayther
eunti
lhi
s
missi
onwascompl
ete.
Hesatont
hechai
rwi
thhi
slapt
opi
nfr
ontof
hi
m.
Hetur
nediton,andwatchedabit
.Wellhewas
wat
chingPatr
ickpaci
ngaroundhisf
ancyroom.
Sockshadinst
all
edbugsandcamerasi
n
Patr
ick'
sroom t
heprev
iousweek.
Heknewheal r
eadyhadev ery
thingthatcould
takethem downf orgood.I
tdidn'tt
akemuch
hustl
e,justf
ewsqueezesatMr sdigger'
s
fi
ngersandshet oldhim pr
ett
ymuchev ery
thing.

Allheneededatt hatinst
antwasaconf ession
from t
hehorse'smout h.Hereall
ywantedt okil
l
them oneaft
ertheot herbutthatwoul
dbe
givi
ngthem theeasywayout .Thisbastards
deservedtosufferforkil
l
inghisfat
her
.
Yeah,Diggerwassock' sbiol
ogical
fat
her,he
i
mpr egnatedhismot herwhil
etheywerestill
in
highschool,hi
smot her'
sfamilyref
useddigger
tobepar tofhi
sson'sl i
febecauseofthekind
offamilyhewasf r
om.
Hisfat
herwasawellknowngangl
eaderanda
drugsmuggl
er.Heter
rori
sedt
hecommunity
andmanypeoplefear
edthem

Hi
smother'
sfami
lyraisedhi
mt omakesur
e
t
hathehadnocontactwithhi
sfat
her
.
Butaf t
erhef i
nishedcol l
egehel efthomei n
searchofhi sfatherwhohehadl earntt hathe
tookov erhi
sf ami l
ybusi nessafterDigger
seniorwasgunneddownbyt hepolicewhenhe
attemptedtof lee.Hef i
nallyfoundhi sfat her,
pretendedtobesomeonesear chingf oraj ob,
Diggerhiredhim asabodyguar d,het rained
andgr oomedhi m,andf ewmont hslaterhewas
anunst oppablekill
ingmachi nepr ot
ect ing
Digger,andsav inghimi nf ewoccasi ons, seei
ng
howgoodhewas, Diggermadehi m his
personalguard.
Ev
entual
l
ysockstol
dDi
ggerwhoher
eal
l
ywas.
Di
ggerwasecst
ati
ctol
ear
nthat
Sockswasactuall
yhisson,buthesuggested
theyhi
dthatfr
om theworldbecausehedidn't
wanthisenemiestousehissontogettohi m.

Hepr ovidedandpr ot
ect
edsocksl
ikeanyf at
her
wouldf orhisson,hetol
dhi
m ever
y t
hing
i
ncludingI MINATHIandhowfondher eal
lywas
ofher.
Hedidn'
treal
l
ywannasleepwithIMINATHI
,he
j
ustneededtobether
eforherbecausehefel
t
heowedherfort
akingawayherhome. .
.

Hejustwant
edt
ohelpher
,nowthathei
sgone
i
tsuptosockst
ori
ghthi
swrongs.

"don'
twor
ryt
aimat
hiscr
ookswi
l
lpayf
or
ever
y t
hingtheyhavedone"hesai
dthatoutl
oud
posi
tioninghi
mselfonthechai
rwatching
Patr
ickgoingatthedoortoopenforsomeone.

Andwhatdoy ouknow, nompient

eredPat
ri
ck'
s
door.Theyquickl
yclosedthedoorandshar
eda
steamypassionatekiss.

"Imissedthi
s"nompi
sai
daf
tert
heyhad
brokentheki
ss.

Pat
:Imi
ssy
oumor
e..
.

Theyki
ssedagai
n.

"l
et'
sjustgo"shesai
d.
Pat
:whatdoy
oumean.

Her:
let
'sjustpackourbagsAndgo.Wecango
toSwazil
and,star
tanewl i
fe,
justt
het
woofus,
andfor
getaboutev er
ythi
ng

Pat:butNonoy ouknowthatisimpossible,
you
knowy ourhusbandhasconnections
everywhere,hewil
lfi
ndusandaf terhelear
ns
thatwehav ebeensleepi
ngtogetherri
ghtunder
hisnosehewi ll
kil
lus.

Her
:buthehasal
readymov
edonwi
thhi
sli
fe,
hehasanewwoman.
Besi
deshe'st
heonewhodr ovemeint
oyour
hands,
ifhehadn'tsl
eptwi
thl
i
ndiweIwoul
dn'
t
havesl
eptwit
hy ou.
Pat
:youknowhowr ut
hlessanddanger
ous
Nhl
akais,hewon'taskanyquesti
onshewil
l
j
ustputbull
etsi
ntoourheads.

Her
:fi
ne,butt
hatgi
rli
ssnoopingar
oundand
whoknowswhatshemi ghtf
ind.
Imighthavestoppedherfr
om goi
ngint
othat
room,DiggermightbedeadbutIknowshe'
s
sti
ll
diggi
ngf ori
nfor
mati
on.
Besi
deshery
oungersi
steri
sal
soact
ing
st
range.

Pat
:whatdoy
oumean

Her:wel
iv
eunderthesameroofbutshehar
dly
t
alkstome,sheseemsuneasyar
oundme.
Whatifshei
srememberi
ng?Youknowshe
wi
tnessedever
ythi
ng,
herconf
essi
onmi
ghtget
ust
opr
ison.

Pat:
Idoubtsher
emembersanyt
hing,
besi
des
shewassti
llaki
d,noonewi
l
lbeli
eveher
.

Her
:whati
ftheydo.

Pat
:theywon'
t,buti
fshebecomesat
hreatt
o
ust
henIwillt
ellNhl
aka.

Her
:hav
ey ouforgot
tent
hathefat
her
sthatgi
rl
,
hewon'
tseereasonswhenitcomest
oher

Pat:whenthr
eatenedNhl
akaseesnoreasons,
hereactfami
lyornofami
ly,
ift
hatgi
rlbecomes
athreathewi
llki
llher
Her:l
et'
shopeso.Am st ar
ti
ngtothinkthatyou
shoul
dhavealsomol estedher
,Imeani fyou
haddonethatherbrainwouldhavebeen
destr
oyedbeyondrepairshewon'tbe
rememberi
ngany t
hingaboutthatnight

Pat:andyouknowt hatwoul
dhavebeena
gravemistake.Nhl
akawouldhaveki
l
ledmei
f
helearntt
hatImolestedhi
schil
d.

Her
:yousoscar
edofhi
m.

Pat:he'
syouhusband,youknowhow
dangeroushecanbe.Ididever
ythingfory
ou,I
molestedImij
ustl
ikeyourequested,y
ouknowI
wouldhavejumpedInfrontofatrainf
oryou.

Her
:enoughaboutt
hepast
,comeher
e..
..
.
Theycont
inuedki
ssi
ng.

Sockssatther
eshocked,thi
swomanwasjust
asheart
lessasherhusband.Sheor
dereda
mantomol estal
it
tl
egirlf
ornoreason.

"si
es"hecl
ickedhi
stongueandwal
kedoutt
o
getsomef
reshair
.

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

#NQOBI
LE

Ifel
tpai
nallov
ermybody,myeyeswereso
heavyIcoul
dn'
tev
enl
iftt
hem butIt
ri
edashar
d
asIcould.

Ifi
nall
ygott hem toopen,mysightwasso
bl
urry,butIcouldclear
lyseet
hatIwasinan
unfamili
arenv i
ronment.
Iwassur
roundedbyanal
lwhi
tewal
landcei
l
ing,
ther
oom wassocold.
Wher
ewasI
,
..
..
It
ri
edsi
tt
ingupbutmybodywaspai
nful
and
myheadwassoheavy
.

"owhGodyouareawake,
thankGody
ouar
e
awake"af
amil
i
arvoi
cesaid.

Il
ookedbesi
demeandmymom wassi tt
ing
besi
demybed,sheseemedgenui
nel
yhappyto
seeme.

Shehel
dmyhandandsqueezedi
t.

"
Owhbabyam sor
ry,
am sosor
ryIwasn'
tther
e
f
ory
ou"shesai
d.

"Wher
eam I
..
..
whathappened"myv
oicewas
dr
yandhoar
se.

Her
:youareinahospi
tal
,you'
vebeenher
efor
t
womont hs
Youwer
einacomma,
youwer
eat
tacked.Don'
t
your
emember
.

.
.r
ightthenmymi ndracedback.
..
Iremember
ed
ever
ythingt
hathappenedthatni
ght
Iheldmybel l
yanditwasl
ight
,myheart
thumpedoutofmychest ,
myst omachr
an
cold.
..
..
.no!wher
eismybaby .
..
.

"mybaby
..
..
wher
eismybaby
"themachi
ne
st
art
edbeepi
ngl
ouder
.

"babycal
m down,
am cal
l
ingt
hedoct
or"she
st
oodupbutanur
secamei
n.

"what
'
sgoi
ngon"t
henur
sesai
d.

Mom:
she'
sawake.
..
.what
'swr
ongwi
thher
.

"Ican'
tbreat
h...
..Mychest.
..
..
mybaby
.Iwant
mybaby .
..
"Itr
iedscreaming.

"y
ouneedtocalm downdear
,,youblood
pr
essur
eisshoot
ingthr
oughtheroof
.
Youar
ehav
ingapani
cat
tack.
Justbr
eat
he,tr
ybreat
hinginsl
owly
,,
,,
i
nandout"
thenur
sedir
ectedandIdidasshesai
dunt
ilI
wascomplet
elycal
m.

Nur
se:
am gonnacal
lthedoct
ort
oexami
ney
ou
okay
.

Inodded.SheExi
tedandIswal
l
owedhar
d..
..
I
hadalumpi nmythroat
.

"hetri
edtoki
l
lmemama,
heki
l
ledmychi
l
d"I
whisper
ed.

"yourbabyisfi
neNana,shehadsomef ew
compli
cati
onsbutshe'
sf i
ne.Thedoct
orswer
e
ablet
osav eher.
WhathappenedNqobi
l
ewhot
ri
edt
oki
l
lyou"
mom asked.

Me:
I'
vebeenaf
ool
ma.
..
Ishoul
dhav
eli
stened
t
oyou.
Jet
hroi
sthedev
il
,Ishoul
dn'
thav
emar
ri
edhi
m.
Hedest
roy
edmyl
i
fe.Hewant
edt
oki
l
lme.

.
.t
ear
swer
eal
readyst
reami
ngsi
deway
s.

"sot
hatbastar
ddi
dthi
stoy
ou.
..
..
whatki
ndof
amonsteri
she.
Healmostkil
l
edyou"mom wasal
soi
ntear
s"
kwent
ekenikahl
ekahl
e"

Itol
dmymotherevery
thingthathasbeen
happeni
ngi
nmyl i
fe.
..
Itoldheraboutt
hatday
andhowevery
thi
ngstarted.
It
oldherabouti
mi'
srapeandmydad'
sdeat
h.

Aft
ertel
l
ingherevery
thi
ngIwasdr ai
nedand
ashamed,i
tfel
tbadknowingthatIshar
edabed
wit
hamanwhoki l
ledmyfather
.
"INI
!Thatmonst
erki
l
ledmyhusbandandgot
peopl
etorapei
mi.
Thi
sisI
nsane,
IknewhewasbadnewsbutI
di
dn'
tknowhewasthedev
ilhi
msel
f.
Hemustpayfort hi
s,am cal
l
ingt
hepol
iceand
yougonnat
ellthem ever
ythi
ng"mom t
ookher
phonefr
om herbag.

Me:
am sorr
ymamaIdi
dn'
tmeanf
oranyoft
his
t
ohappen.

Her
:thatboymustr
oti
nhel
l
.

Shegotup,exi
tedwi
thherphone.shor
tl
yaf
ter
,
aDoctorcamein
Hei
ntr
oducedhi
msel
fandexami
nedme.

Myswelli
nghaddecr
eased,Iwasmuchbet t
er
al
thoughIst
il
lhaddi
ff
icul
ti
esbreat
hingbutI
wasgetti
ngbett
er
Myl
ungwasheal
i
ngv
erywel
l
.

"youwil
lbeoutofheresoon,Iwi
l
laskthe
nursest
obri
ngyouy ourbaby
"hesaidj
ott
ing
somethi
ngonmyf i
le.

Hepl
acedi
tdownandexi
ted.

Awhi
l
elat
eranur
secamei
npushi
ngat
inybed.
Shehandedmet
hebaby
.

Shel
ookedsocut
eandt
iny
,soheal
thywi
tha
poi
ntynosej
ustl
i
kemi
ne.

Shehadherdaddy
'sey
esandcur
vyl
i
ps.

Shewassocut
ebusysucki
ngonhert
humb.

"she'
safi
ght
erj
ustl
ikey
ou.y
ouneedt
ogi
ve
heraname"t
henur
sesaid

"hey.
..
.heyl
it
tl
eangel
,Mommy
'sangel
.
..l
ookat
you,
socut e
Godhasbeenwi t
hmet hroughal
lthi
ssoam
gonnanamey ouUnami,,
,
,,
UnamiInnocent
ia
Nkosi
."Isai
dwithtear
sonmyf ace

Iki
ssedherf
orehead,
Ireal
l
ywasgl
adshewas
ali
ve
"Iwi
lll
ety
out
wobond"t
henur
seexi
tedt
he
ward

Af
tershel
eftmom camei
nwi
tht
wopol
i
cemen

Theystar
tedaski
ngmequest
ions,It
oldt
hem
ever
ythi
ngthathappened

Appar
entlyMarkhadalr
eadygaveupJet
hro,
so
Iwasjustver
if
yingev
eryt
hing.
AndIwastol
dthatIwasgonnatesti
fyandI
waswill
i
ngtodothati
nordert
or i
ghtmy
wrongs

"wel
lyourhusbandi
sontherunbutwehave
hi
m corner
ed,t
here'
snowayhecanleav
ethe
ci
ty"t
hepol
i
cemansai
d.

Me:
off
icer
swher
eismyson.

"wel
lhi
sfi
ancée,Ther
esai
swi
thy
ourson.
Shesai
dyourhusbandl
efty
oursonwi
thher
"he
sai
d

Me:mom pleaseyouhavetofet
chmyson,
I
can'
tgobacktothathouse.

Mom:Iwil
lfet
chherdon'
twor
ryj
ustgetbet
ter
sot
hatyouwil
lbehomesoon

Aft
erever
ythi
ngt hepol
icel
eft
,mymom st
ayed
abitl
ongerpl
ayingwithUnamiwhowasso
peacef
ulandgiggly
Itookahugesi gh,qui
tef
rankl
yIwasscar ed,I
wasafrai
dt hatift
hepoli
cedon'tcatchJethr
o
soonhemi ghtcomef ormeandf ini
shwhathe
hadstart
ed.
#4_
mont
hs_
lat
er

#admi
n
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYSEVENTY

FI
NALENTRY.

#NQOBI
LE
Ifedunami whol at
chedhungril
yonmyni pple,
fortheveryfi
rstti
mei nalongti
meIcoul d
breathe,Iwasfree,hadcomplet
elyhealedand
wasonl ylef
twithscarsasaremi nder
.

Evenso, Iwasgl
adIcouldfi
nallysleep,Iwas
backhomeandIwasmor egladatt hefactthat
Jethrowasf i
nal
l
yinjai
lwherehebel onged.He
gotcaughtamont hago,apoli
cer aidcaught
hi
mi nabusoutoftownandt heyar rest
edhim
ont hespot.

IwasjusthappythatIwasfinal
l
yf ree,alt
hough
i
namont ht hei
rtr
ialwasgonnast art
.Iwas
readyt
otestify
,butmorethanever yt
hingI
wantedtoknowwhyheki ll
edmyf ather.I
wantedtoknowwhathappenedt hatnight

Ist
il
lfel
tal
i
ttl
ebi
tner
voust
hough,
itsJuneand
schoolsar ecl
osed.I miwouldbecomi nghome
soonandIwast askedwiththemat t
eroftell
i
ng
herthatIwasl it
erall
yresponsibl
eforherrape.I
hadnoi deawher etostart
,howdoy ou
apologizedforcausingpai nt
oaper sonRight
thenunami st
opsucki ng,Ipl
acedheronmy
shoulderandr ubbedherback.Br i
anwas
playi
ngwi thhistoytruckont hefl
oor,unami
burped, t
henyawned.Shewasaqui etchil
d,t
he
compl eteoppositeofBr i
an.
Irockherbackandf
ort
hunt
ilshest
art
ed
snori
ngli
ghtly
Ipl
acedheronhercoat
.Ist
il
ldi
dn'
tgett
he
hangofmyoldroom.

Ri
ghtt
henmydoorswungopen,
Cebowal
kedi
n.
SomehowIknewshewant
edunami
.Shewas
awful
l
ycl
osedtoher
.
Shewasal
otdi
ff
erentt
hisday
.Al
way
squi
et
andl
ockedi
nherr
oom.
Shewouldrat
herspendhert
imewi
thunami
thant
otalkwit
hanybody.

Iknewsomet hingwasext r
emel ywrongwit
h
her.Shehadf ai
ledt
hist erm.Shewasr eal
ly
withdrawn,mom tri
edtal ki
ngtoherbutshe
wouldn'topenup.Ialsot ri
edtalki
ngtohera
fewt i
mesbutshewoul dn'ttel
lwhatwasreall
y
botheringher
.

Mom thoughtt
hatmay
beI
MI'
sabsencewas
get
ti
ngintoher
.

"hey
,wher
e'smypoppy
"sheasked.

Me:
I'
vej
ustputhert
obed,
she'
sasl
eep.
Her
:awuu(sheFr
owned)

Me:
sor
ry,
Iknowy
out
woar
ebestoff
ri
ends.

Her
:she'
sagoodl
i
stener
.

Me:l
olWai
tunt
ilshel
ear
nst
ospeak,
wher
e's
owet
hu.

Her:hel
eftwi
thGci
na,
youknowhowhel ov
es
car
s.Theycal
ledf
orBr
ianbuthedi
dn'
tanswer
.

Me:youknowhowscaredofcars,
Bri
ani
s.He
woul
dn'thav
eagr
eedtogounlessIwasalso
goi
ng
Her:
yeah,
heal
way
swannaseehi
msel
far
ound
you.

Me:
didmom al
sogo.

Her
:yep,
theyar
egoi
ngt
obuyst
ufff
or
t
omorrow

Me:ahthefamil
ygett
oget
her
,Ihadal
ready
f
orgot
tenaboutit
.

Her
:Iam sonotl
ooki
ngf
orwar
dtoi
t.
Ij
ustcan'
twai
ttoseei
mi.

Me:
youmustr
eal
l
ymi
ssher
Her:morethanyoucanimagi
ne,Ihav
enever
beenapartfr
om her
.She'
sreal
lyagoodsi
ster,
asist
eranybodycoul
daskfor

Me:
yeahneh.
..
.

Her:y
ouseem bot
her
ed,
isi
taboutt
her
ape
t
hing.

Inodded.
..
.

"Ireal
l
ymessedup,Idest
roy
edherli
feandI
doubtifshewi
l
lev
erforgi
veme"Isai
d.

Her
:you'
rebei
ngt
oohar
dony
oursel
f.
I
mi won'thol
dAny
thi
ngagai
nsty
ou.Shewi
l
l
under
stand.
Me:Ihopeso...
.butev
enifshehat
esmeIwill
under
stand.BecauseifIwer
etobeinherpl
ace
Iwoul
dn'tfor
givesoeasil
y.

Her:y
ouhavebl
amedyoursel
fenough,
you
needtof
orgi
veyour
sel
f.

Me:i
fonl
yitwerethateasi
l
y .Any
waywher
e's
Mamkhul
u,Idi
dn'tseehertoday.

Her
:Idon'
tknow

Herr
esponsewasj
ustpl
aindi
smi
ssi
ve.

Me:
ohky
Idi
dn'
twannaaskanyf
urt
herl
essshest
art
s
shut
ti
ngdownagai
n.
I
twasni
ceseei
ngherspeakf
orachange.

Weexi
tedmyr
oom andBr
ianf
oll
owedme.
West ar
tedcl
eani
ngt
hehouse.Wel
efti
t
spot
less.

Cebocoul
dn'tstopstar
ringatthewatchonthe
wall
,I
MIiscomi ngbackt oday
.Iguessthe
fami
lygat
heringtomorrowwasgonnabeepi c.

Phumzilei
scomingwi t
hhernewfi
ancé,
Bab'
lomkhuluandhiswifeJoy
cearealso
coming.Sf
iso,Zi
thaandThabangwil
lalsobe
her
e. .
.
Ireall
ydidn'
tgetwhatt
hegat her
ingwasr
eal
l
y
aboutbutmom saidwej ustneededto
celebrat
easaf ami
lybecauseweHadbeen
throughtheworstt
hispastfewy ear
s.

Speaki
ngofmom,Icoul
dtel
lshewasal
so
hi
dingsomet
hingf
rom me.
Shecouldn'
tlookatmei ntheey eswit
houtguil
t
l
ingeri
ngalloverherface.Iknewf orsure
whatevershewashi dinghadsomet hingtodo
withmebutIdeci dedtoplayt hedumbcar d.I
didn'
twannapush.It houghtshemustt ellme
whateveri
tisthatshe'shidingfrom meonher
ownt i
me.
FornowIwasgladthatshehadfor
givenme
andhadaccept
edmebackhomewi thopen
armsaft
erever
ythi
ngIhadputherthrough.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#Set
h

Wewerealmostt
her
e,wehadj
ustpassed
W,
boven.
Itookahugebreathe,atl
eastwehadpassed
thatl
ongdarktunnel.Idon'
tknowwhybutI
alwaysgetscar
ywhenIdr i
vethr
ought
here
Bot
hSar
ahandI
MIwer
edeepi
nthei
rsl
eep
Ikeptst
eali
ngfewglancesatI
MI,
damnwas
shebeauti
ful
,evenwhenshewasasl
eep.
Myphoner
ang,
itwasmom agai
n.

"mom y
ouar
edi
stur
bingme"Ianswer
ed.

Her
:excusemeforwor
ryi
ng,i
tsget
ti
ngdar
k
Out
sideandyouguy
saresti
l
lnothere.

Me:weareal
mostther
e.Wewill
betherei
n
l
essthananhour
.Wehaveal
readypassed
Bov
en.

Her
:owhk,
wher
e'sSar
ah.

Me:
she'
sasl
eep.
.
Her
:ohkt
hen,
youguy
sgethomeal
ready
.

Me:don'
twor
ryweareal
mostther
e,j
ustmake
sur
eSJdoesn'
tsl
eepunt
ilwegett
here.

Her
:Iwi
l
ltr
ybuthe'
sti
red.Hehasbeenpl
ayi
ng
t
hewhol
eday.
Ihav
ealreadybat
hehi
m,soIcan'
tj
ustst
ophi
m
fr
om sl
eeping.

Me:
justt
rymom.

Her
:fi
ne,
Iwl
l
.

Idr
oppedt
hecal
landf
ocusedont
her
oad.
I
twasal
ready7:
30pm.I
twasdar
kandcol
das
hel
l
.
Fewminutesl
aterimiwokeup.Sher
ubbedher
eyesi
nnocent
ly.Fuckshel
ookedsocut
e.

"damnwearest
il
lnott
her
e"shesai
dina
sl
eepyt
one.

Me:weareal
mostt
her
e,wear
eaboutt
went
y
mi
nutesout
.

Her
:Ican'
twai
ttoseemysi
ster
.

Me:
your
eal
l
ymi
ssedherdi
dn'
tyou.

Her:y
ouhavenoi
dea.Anywayt
heyar
e
thr
owingal
i
ttl
ebr
aaitomorr
owyouandSar
ah
shoul
dcome
Me:didyoujusti
nvi
teme.Don'
twor
ryIwi
l
l
sur
elybethere.

Her:
cool
,canwepassbyt
hemal
l
,Iwannagr
ab
somefewstuf
f.

Me:
sur
e.

Wekeptchat
ti
ngunt
ilIgott
othemal
l
,she
wokeSar
ahupandwewenti n.

Weal
lboughtf
ewi
tems.
Wewentbacktothecaranddr
ovet
oimi
'
s
houset
odropheroff
.

Wef
inal
l
ygott
oherhouse,
shegotof
f,Igotout
,
t
ookoutherbagsi
ntheboot
.
Sar
aht
ookherot
herbagswhi
l
eIwheel
edher
bi
gsui
tcase.

Shet
ookt
hepl
ast
icsofgoodi
eswebought
.

Wewal
kedi
ntohery
ard.

Sheledtheway,
wegotatthedoor,
she
knockedtwi
ceandsomeoneopenedthedoor
.
I
twashercebowhoscr
eamedi
nexci
tement
t
hemomentshesawher.

"damn,y
oucanscr
eam "shet
easedt
hey
huggedt
ight
ly.

"
Cebowoul
dyoupl
easeal
l
owt
hem i
nal
ready
"I
guesst
hatwast
hei
rmot
hercal
l
ingout
.

"sorryguys,
damnImi
ssy
ousi
s,Set
hand
Sarah,hi
"shesai
d.

"hel
l
o"Sar
ahandIsai
dinuni
son.

Her
:comeoni
n.

Weal
lwalkedi
n,al
ltheel
der
swer
esi
tt
ingi
n
t
heLounge.

WewereOffer
edasi
t,wesatgr
eet
edever
yone
butwecoul
dn'
tst
ayl
ongbecausewehadtogo.

Al
lthewhi
leIwasthereIkeptstar
ingat
Nqobil
ewholookedcompletel
ydif
ferent
,
sl
immerandabi
tpal
e,shel
ookedabi
tol
dfor
herage.
Webi
dfar
ewel
landI
MIsawusout
.

"IguessIwi
l
lseey
out
omor
rowt
hen"shesai
d.

Me:
yeah.

Wesharedagrouphugthenwel
eftandshe
wentbackt
othehouse.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#I
MINATHI
.

I
tfel
tgoodtobehome, Ican'
tbeli
evethi
ngs
wereal
readyfal
li
ngi
ntoplace.Sockssai
dhe
hadasurpri
seformewhichwoul dbereveal
ed
tomorr
ow.

Ij
ustcoul
dn'
twai
t.

IwasgladthatNqobi
lewashomeandshewas
ohk.Shel
ookeddiff
erent
,abi
twashedoutbut
shewasbetter.
Iwasgladshewasbackhome.Isti
l
l can'
t
bel
iev
eherhusbandki
ll
edherf
ather.Ceboand
mom call
edandtol
dmeaboutJethro's
i
nvolv
ementinJaden'
sdeat
h.
Quit
efr
anklyIwasshockedtohearsuch.I
meanwhydi dJet
hrokil
lj
aden.Imeanhewasa
goodman,IhaveneverseenHim hav
ingtr
oubl
e
wit
hanybody.

"sohow'stheuni
ver
sit
yli
fe"Gci
naasked.We
weresi
tt
inginthel
oungewatchi
ngTV.

Me:
itsgood,
abi
tdi
ff
erentbutgood.

Mom:
youl
ookgood,
Pret
ori
aisgoodony
ou.

Me:
yeahi
tis.
Nompinev
ersai
dawor d,
hereyesrest
edont
he
TV,
Cebowasquietandabitdi
stant
.

"At
leasty
ouar
edoingsomethi
ngwi
thy
ourl
i
fe,
unl
i
kesomeofus"Nqobisai
d.

Me:welly
ouaresti
ll
young,
youcanst
il
l
cont
inuewit
hschool
.

Her
:ifonl
yitwast
hateasy
.Ihav
ebabi
est
o
t
akecareof.

Mom:
andIt
oldy
ouIwi
l
llookaf
tert
hem.
Her:
Idon'
twannabur
denany
onewi
thmy
pr
oblems
Mom: y
ou'
remydaughterandthesear
emy
gr
andki
ds,
looki
ngaf
terthem i
snoburdenatal
l

Nqobi
nev
err
esponded,
shej
ustl
ookedaway
.
*
*
*
*
*
Iwentt
obedabi
tear
lybecauseIwast
ir
ed,
I
waswit
hceboi
nmyroom.

Me:
sohow'
sthet
her
apy
.

Her
:sl
owbuti
tscomi
ngal
ongj
ustf
ine.
Me:soyouhav
en'
tremember
edany
thi
ngt
his
pastf
ourmont
hs.

Her
:No.
..
butam Tr
ying.

Me:
itsohk,
don'
tpushy
oursel
f.

Cebo:
Iwon'
t,
am gl
ady
ouback,
Imi
ssedy
ou.

Me:Imissyoutoo,Ij
ustwishIcanr
estbutthe
t
ri
alisstar
ti
ngsoon,Iwil
lbeinandoutofcour
t.

Cebo:
don'
twor
ryIwi
l
lal
way
sbebyy
oursi
de.

Me:t
hanxl
i
lsi
s,y
our
eal
l
yar
ethebestsi
bli
ng
ev
er
Cebo:
Ilear
nfr
om y
ou.

Weconti
nuedchi
tchat
ti
ngunt
ili
twast
imet
o
sl
eep.
Cebowenttoherr
oom andIgotundermy
bl
anket
s.Iqui
ckl
yfel
li
ntoadeepslumber
.
Iwasr
eal
l
yti
red
*
*
*
*
*
*

Wewokeupear
lyt
henextday
,cl
eanedt
he
house,
dust
edev
ery
wher
e
Aroundt
en,
thet
ri
oar
ri
ved,
Zee,
sfi
soand
Thabang
Wewer
ebaki
ngwhent
heyar
ri
ved.

IhuggedFi
soandhepeckedmyl
i
ps.

Ir
eal
l
yMi
ssedhi
m.

"wher
ear
etheadul
ts"Zeeasked.

Me:t
heywenttot
hemal
l
,theywi
l
lcomeback
wi
thncanephumzi
le

Zee:damnam t
ir
ed,
am j
ustgl
adt
heyt
hey
al
lowedmetogoonleav
e.
Zeewaswor
kingatsomecompany
,Ir
eal
l
y
di
dn'
tknowwhatshewasdoi
ng.

"youcan'
tbeasti
redasMe,Imisshav
inga
goodPA,"THABANGsaidl
ookingatme.

Me:ehdon'tl
ookatme,
schooli
skeepi
ngme
busysoIcan'
tworkf
oryouagai
n

Thabang:Ir
eal
l
ymi ssyouref
fi
ciency
,you
shouldcomeoverduri
ngtheDecember
holi
days.

Sf
iso:
shewon'
tbedoi
ngsuch,
pleasedude
st
opeyei
ngmywoman.
Thabang:
am what
?Youseem t
obef
orget
ti
ng
thaty
outookherf
rom me.

Fi
so:
yeah.
..
yeahy
ouguyswer
ehar
dlydat
ing.
..
Shef
ri
endzonedyou.

Thabang:
keept
ell
i
ngy
our
sel
fthat
.

Fiso:whatdoyoumean,di
dsomet
hinghappen
thatIdon'
tknowabout
.

"uhm anyonewantscookies,
theyareextremel
y
del
ici
ous"Icutin,Icoul
dseewher ethat
conversat
ionwasgoingandIcouldn'
taffordt
o
l
etThabangspillt
hebinaboutwhathappened
betweenus.
..
.Igavehi
m adeat
hst
areandheshr
uggedhi
s
shoulder
s.
Theyal
ltookt
hecooki
esf
rom t
hepl
ates.

"mmmh,
thi
sisgood,
babey
ougood"Fi
sosai
d

Me:
Iknewy
ouwer
egonnal
ovet
hem.

Nqobi
:that
'sbecausehel
ovesany
thi
ngt
hat
hasfl
our

Fi
so:
aibont
wanaIdon'
t

Nqobi
:l
olkeepl
yi
ngt
oyour
sel
f.

Wecont
inuedbaki
ngwhi
l
eengagedi
nasi
l
ly
ar
gumentaboutwhol
ovedcooki
esmor
e.
*
*
*
*
*
AroundmiddayMrnkosi
andhi
swi
fear
ri
vedi
n
thei
rrangeRover
.
Joycewasdr
essedtoki
ll
.Shelookedy
oung,
onewouldar
guedthef
actthatshemother
ed
Thabang
It
ookalookatMrnkosiandourey
esmet
,he
wasl
ookingr
ightatme

Mykneesweakened,
hesentchi
ver
sdownmy
spi
ne,
Iqui
ckl
ylookedaway.
Wewer
eal
lseat
edi
nthev
eranda.
Mom, nompi andGcinaar
rivedwit
hphumzi l
e
whohadat inybumppr ot
rudingi
nherpitch
bodyhuggi
ngdr ess.Shewaswi t
hay oungman
whom sheintroducedashishusband.
Well
theguywashandsomebuthesur
elooked
wayyoungert
hatphumzi
l
e.
*
*
Wit
hinsecondst
hehousewascr
owded.Iwent
t
otakeaquickshower
.
Woreal
ongbodyhuggi
ngdr
essandf
li
pfl
ops,
I
t
iedmyweav
eintoabun.
Iappl
i
edminimalmakeup,r
ightaf
terIf
ini
shed
someoneknockedatt
hedoor.
Iopened,i
twassf
iso.
HeLookedbot
her
ed.
Helockedt
hedoorandsatonmybed.Hehel
d
hi
shead,andbur
iedhi
sfaceont
hefl
oor.

"what
'
swr
ong"Iasked

Hel
i
ftedhi
sfaceandhi
sey
eswer
ered.

"pl
easet
ell
mey
oudi
dn'
tdoi
t"hef
inal
l
ysai
d.

Iwasnowmor econf
used,cl
earl
ywhat
everi
tis
thathewast
alki
ngaboutupsethi
m.

Me:
dowhat
,whatar
eyouonabout
.

Hi
m:y
ousl
eptwi
thThabang.
Assoonashesai
dthosewor
dsIal
most
chokedonmyownsal
iva.

"I.
..
.what
..
.wher
edidyouheart
hat.
..
whotol
d
you"Imanagedtosaywit
hmydr ymouth.

Hi
m:soi
tst
rue.
..Yousl
eptwi
thhi
m.

Me:
Idi
dn'
tsayt
hat
.

Hi
m:y
ouar
enotdeny
ingi
tei
ther
.

Me:I
..
..
am sorry
..
.i
twasamomentofweakness,
Iwassti
l
l hur
tandIdi
dn'
tknowwhati want
ed.I
wasoverwhelmedwit
hall
thesesexualf
eel
ings.
"dammit,
(hehi
thar
donthebed,Ij
umped)i
knewsomethi
ngwaswrong,
Isuspect
ed
somet
hing"hesai
d.

Me:am sor
ry,
buti
twasbef
oreIf
ull
y
commit
tedtoyou

Hi
m:bast
ard,
hehadt
hener
vet
oboostAbouti
t.
Canyoubel
iev
et hathetol
dmet hatImustnot
betoocomfor
tablebecausehecansti
ll
have
youwhenev
erhewant s.

Me:pl
easedon'tbel
i
evehim.Whathappened
bet
weenhim andIwasami stakeandi
twil
l
nev
erhappenagain,Il
oveyou.

Hekeptqui
etandst
aredatme
Me:
Ichosey
oubecauseIl
ovey
ou.

Hi
m:am sor
rybutIcan'
tdot
his,
Ican'
tev
en
l
ookaty
ourightnow.

Me:
whatar
eyousay
ing.

Hi
m:Ineedt
othi
nk.

Hest
oodup

"sfiso.
..
baby..
am sorry
"hedidn'
tpayany
attenti
ontome, inst
eadheunlockedthedoor
andl ef
t.Iswal
lowedahugel ump,tookadeep
breatheandexitedtheroom
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Ever
yonewasoutsi
de,
theguy
swer
egri
ll
i
ng
meatwhil
eever
yoneel
sewasbyt
hepool
si
ppingonwi
ne.
Set
handSarahcamewit
hacuteli
ttl
ebabyboy
.
Wehugged.Sar
ahwit
hthebabysatwit
hus
whi
leSet
hwentovert
otheguys.

Wewer eseat
ingbythegarage,
itwas,
zee,
nqobi
,SarahandI.Thel
asttimeIsawCeboshe
wastakingabath.
"ncoohandwhodoest
hisLi
tt
lemanbel
ongt
o"
Iasked.

Nqobi
:he'
ssocut
e.

Zee:
andhel
ooksl
i
keami
xedr
ace.

Sarah:uhm that
'sbecauseHe'
smi
xed,
it'
s
SETH'schil
d.

"whoawhat
..
..Si
ncewhen"Iwasi
ncl
ear
di
sbel
iev
e.

Sar
ah:
hewasconcei
vedl
asty
ear
,hi
snamei
s
SJ.

Me:
andwhoi
shi
smot
her
.
Sar
ah:
youwon'
tbel
i
evei
tbuti
tspr
eci
ous.

Me:
whi
chpr
eci
ous.

Sar
ah:
ourf
ri
end.

Me:
what
..
..
noway
.

Sar
ah:yesway(shetol
dust
hewhol
est
ory
,I
waslef
tspeechl
ess)

Idi
dn'tbeli
eveitwast r
uebutthenIshouldn't
worry
, SethandIwer eneveranitem,heasked
meoutIt urnedhim downsot herewasnoneed
tosul
k.Ijustcouldn'
tbeli
evepreciousofal
l
peopl
esl eptwit
hhim.Somef r
iendswehav e.
*
*
*
*
*
Wewer est
il
lpr
ocessi
ngwhatsarahhadjust
sai
dwhenwehear dnoi
secomingfrom t
he
house.
Wewenti n,Joy
ceandNompi wer
eoneach
other
'st
hroatsandMrnkosi
wastryi
ngt
obreak
thecatf
ight.

"ai
bowhat
'sgoi
ngonher
e"mom asked.

Joyce:
y oushoul
dwar
nt hi
shal
l
ot,
whyi
sshe
Busykissi
ngmyhusband.
Nompi
:poi
ntofcor
rect
ion,
ourhusband.

Joyce:
don'
tyoudar
emakemesick,
nhl
aka
bel
ongstomenow,he'
smine.

Nompi
:weshal
lseemt
hakat
hindi
ni

Joyce:whatwil
lwesee,yout
hinkam st
upi
d
l
ikethoseotherwomen.Youareashedevi
l
.

Nompi:Imaybeadevi
lbutIcannev
ert
akea
f
atherawayfr
om hi
ski
ds.

Joyce:owhreal
l
y,whataboutl
i
ndi
we'schi
l
d.
Didn'
tyoudenyhert
hechanceofbei
ngrai
sed
byherfather
.
Nompi
keptqui
et.

Mom:
whi
chchi
l
dwhat
'
sreal
l
ygoi
ngon.
..
.

"Tel
lthem"Cebosai
dstandingbyt
hedoor
,we
alll
ookedather
,shehadtearsi
nherey
es.

"tel
lthem thetruth..
..
.Ir
emember,Ir
emember
ever
ything.Iknowwhaty oudidt
omymot her
"
hervoicewasbr eaking,andwehadnoidea
whatshewast alkingabout.

Me:
what
'
sgoi
ngoncebo,
arey
ouohk.
..
.

Cebo:
Ican'
tbel
iev
eam rel
atedtoyou.
..
.y
ouare
amonster
,it
snottr
ue,
youcan'tbemyfather
.
Me:
what
!!
!

Il
ookatnhl
aka,
thennompi
andbackatcebo

#t
obecont
inued

Ihadt
ocutt
heENTRYbecausei
twast
ool
ong
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI
L

ENTRYSEVENTY

FI
NALENTRYCONTI
NUATI
ON

"
Am sor
ry"Nhl
akaSai
d.

Me:
what
'
sgoi
ngon,
whyar
eyousay
inghe'
s
y
ourf
ather
.
Youar
emysi
ster
,howcanhebey
ourf
ather
.

Cebo:
lett
hem expl
ain.

Mom:
nompi
..
..Whatt
hehel
li
sgoi
ngon.

"whyar eyoualll
ookingatmewhi l
eit
sallhi
s
faul
t.
..
.nhl
akacheatedonmewi t
hli
ndiwe
befor
eherf i
rsthusbanddied.
Thei
raf
fai
rst
art
edr
ightaf
terI
miwast
woy
ear
s
ol
d.
Theyst ar
tedsl
eepingaroundanday earlat
er
l
indiwebecamepr egnant.Shepinnedthe
pregnancyonherhusbandwhi lesheknewv er
y
wellthatnhl
akawast hefather
.
Shegav
ebi
rt
handmyhusbandnamedt
hat
babyNomcebo. .
..
.t
heyconti
nuedwit
hthei
r
affai
runt
ilt
hreeyearsl
ater
,Lindi
we'
shusband
foundout.
Thepoormanwassostr
essed,hestar
ted
get
ti
ngsick,
str
essi
swhatreal
l
ykil
ledhim.
Aft
erherhusband'
sdeat
hshestoppedseei
ng
nhl
aka,sheblamedher
sel
fforhi
sdeath.
..
as
sheshould.
Fewy earslat
ershemetPat
ri
ck,butf
orsome
reasonheraffai
rwit
hnhl
akastar
tedagai
n"
nompi said.

Icoul
dn'
tbel
i
ev emyears,
wasIdr
eami
ng.How
coul
dmysisterbeankosi
.

Me:
no.
..
no,
,
,t
hiscan'
tbet
rue.

"am af
rai
diti
s..
..
tel
lthem whaty
ouandy
our
husbandher
edid.Tel
lthem whaty
oudi
dt hat
ni
ght"Cebosai
d,tear
sstreameddownherface.

"t
alk"shescr
eamedal
armi
ngev
ery
one.

"it
hinkIcanhel
pthem expl
ain"av
oicesaid.
..
.I
l
ookatthedooranditwassocksme:socks,,
,
whatareyoudoi
nghere.

Socks:t
osolvethi
swholemyst
ery
.If
inal
l
y
foundoutwhathappenedt
oyourmot
her.

Me:
what
!.

Socks:
yes,
,
,,
nhlakani
pho,
Pat
ri
ckandnompi
l
o
her
ekil
ledl
indi
we..
Mom:
ini
..
..

"what
,noway
"ev
ery
onewasshocked.

"youguy splannedeverythi
ng,li
ndiwewas
pregnantagainwithNhlaka'sbaby.Shetold
Nhlakabutnhlakadidn'twannabeaf at
herof
four,i
twasgonnabet oomuchf orhim.Plushis
drugsbusinesswasi ntrouble,
policehadr ai
ded
twoofhi swarehouses.Heneededt ofi
ndanew
placethatshowhemadePat ri
ckhispartner.
Patr
ickhadlosthi
sjobandheneededmoney
soheagreedtoHidesomeofNhlaka'
sdrugsi
n
l
indi
we'shouse.
Butt
hefunnyt
hingi
sli
ndi
wef
oundt
hosedr
ugs
di
dn'
tshe.
Shethreatenedt
ogot othepoli
cet
otel
lthem
ever
ythingaboutyourbusi
ness.
SowenaNhl akay out oldnompi aboutwhat
l
indi
wewast hr eateningt odo,nompil
ohat ed
l
indi
we, andsheknewaboutt hepregnancy
becauseshehadeav esdroppedwhenl indi
we
tol
dy ouaboutt hepregnancysoshesuggest ed
youkill
hersot hatyoucant akeoverthehouse
andusei tasy ourdr ughouse, youwil
l get
peopletostayt heresot hepoli
cewon' tsuspect
athing.
Youagreedwithnompi
lo'spl
an,af
terallli
ndiwe
waspregnantandyoudidn'
twantthebaby .So
youl
etPatri
ckinontheplanandpromi sedhim
ahugelumpsum ofmoneysoheagr eed.

Thatnightyoucall
edlindiwe,youaskedhert
o
comeov er.tel
l
inghery ouwantedtotal
kabout
thepregnancyandy ourfutur
etoget
her
Li
ndi
webei
ngbl
i
ndedbyl
ovesheagr
eed
Shewentout
,nompi
andPat
ri
ckwer
eal
readyi
n
t
hatr
oom wi
thar
eddoorwai
ti
ngFory
ou.
Whaty oualldidn'
tknowisthatwhenli
ndi
we
walkedoutcebof oll
owedher.Youwereso
caughtupiny ourevil
mindsthatyoudi
dn'
tsee
ceborightbehindyou.
Nhlaka, youl ur
edlindiweinthatroom, t
he
momentshegoti ny oustar
tedattacki
ngher .
Youbut cheredherlikeacow, shebeggedy ou
tost op,sheaskedy outospareherf orthesake
ofy ourbabyCebo, ,butyouchoppedheri nt
o
piecesandbur iedherr i
ghti
nsidethatroom.
Wheny ousawt hatcebowasst andingbythe
doorNompi tookhert otheotherroom but
nhlakacoul dn'tki
llherbecauseshewashi s
bloodsoshef i
ndsomeonewhowasabl eto
blockt heev entsthathappenedf r
om hermi nd."
Socksl ookedatbot hofthem, bythatti
memy
hear twasi npieces
Whatki
ndofmonst
erwer
ethey
.
"andSf isoyousawwhathappenedt hatni
ght
didn'tyou,t
henyourfathert
oldyout
ogoback
toy ourroom andneverspeakofwhatyousaw
thatnightdidn'
the"sfi
sonoddedwit
ht ear
s
streamingdownhi sface

"Iwaswokenupbynoi ses,Iwentt omy

parentsroom andIfoundmom wi thcebo, she
tol
dmet ogobackt osleep,
Ileft
,butIdidn'tgo
backt omyroom, IheardnoisessoIwentt ot he
spareroom that'
swhenIsawi mi
'smot heron
thefloorcover
edinblood,herheadwas
choppedof f
.Iwassoscar ed.Myf athersawme.
Hewassoangr yandscary,hetol
dmet ogo
backtobed,
het ol
dmet hatifIev
erspeakof
thathewasgonnakil
lme.
Am sor
ryI
MI"sf
isosai
d.
Icoul
dn'
tsayanythi
ng,t
ear
sjustst
reamed
downmyf ace.Iwassohur
t.

"wel lt
henaf t
ery ouburi
edhery ouburntallher
cl
ot hes,thennhlakani
phoy ougavePat r
ick
moneyt otakethegirl
sandf i
ndanewpl aceto
stay.Youconv incedoneofy ourdrugpartners
Mr sdiggertomov ei
ntothehousewi t
hMr
di
gger .Andy ouusedt hathouseforyour
business.
Whaty oudi
dn'
tknowi sthatPatr
ickwas
sleepingwit
hnompi l
o,whoconv i
ncedhimto
taket hegi
rl
sint
ot heslumsandmol esti
mij
ust
becauseshehat edli
ndiwe'ski
ds"socks
continued

Myjawsdropped,
Sonompi
l
owast
her
easonI
wasmolested.
"haunompi
l
o,why
..
.t
heywer
ejustki
ds"mom
sai
d.

Nompi
:am sor
ry,
iwasj
ustj
eal
ous

Mom:jealous..
..
.Youareev
il
.Ican'
tbel
i
eveyou
ar
emysi ster.Youdeser
vetoburni
nhellf
or
ev
ery
thingy oudid.

Nompi:owhpl easedon'tactholl
ythanme.
Atl
eastidi
dn'tgetpregnantformyhusband
youngerbr
otherandpi nnedthatpregnancyon
myhusband.
Poorj
aden,hediedbel
i
evi
ngthatNqobi
l
ewas
hi
s.Youarealsonosai
ntdearsi
ster
.

"what
?Mah,
ukhul
umangani
"Nqobi
l
easked.
Mom: i
tsnot
hing,
thi
ssnakej
ustcan'
thel
pbut
dest
royever
yone'
sli
fe.

Nompi:am notdestroy
ingyourli
fe.Nqobi
lesi
si
Jadenwasnev eryourfat
her.Gci
nahereisyour
real
fat
her.

Nqobi:
whatdoy
oumean,
mom whati
sshe
t
alki
ngabout
.

Mom: i
twastraditi
on.Iwasmar ri
edt ojadenfor
yearsandIcouldn'tgetpr egnantsoel der
s
askedGci nat
oimpr egnatemesot hatIcould
givejadenanheir.SoIsl eptwithGcinaandI
fel
lpregnantunfortunatelyIgaveBirthtoagirl
,
theysaidImustsl eepwi thGcinaagainunt i
lI
conceiveaboybutIr efused,Iwasn'tgonna
bet
raymyhusbandt
wice.
Am sor
rydear

Nqobi
:di
ddadknow

Mom:nohedi
dn'
t,
hedi
edknowi
ngy
ouwer
e
hi
sandhel
ovedy
ou.

"Ican'
tbel
i
evet
his"nqobi
stor
medout
.

"wel
lsi
nceallt
hecat'
sar
eoutoft
hebags
what
'snext
"nompisai
d.

Fiso:
what'
snexti
sthatIsei
zetobepar
toft
his
famil
y,y
oumom areasev i
lasdad.
"samehere,Ir
efusetobeassociat
edwith
ki
ll
ers,
Iwon'
tbepar toft
his.Youshoul
ddiei
n
pri
son"zeesaid.

Nompi
:onedayyouki
dswi
l
lunder
standt
hatI
di
dthi
sfory
ou.

Fiso:nomom,youdidthisbecausey
ouar
e
selfi
shandasel
fcenteredwoman.

"youhavehur
tmemor ethanany
thi
ng.What
di
dIeverdotoy ou.Sokil
l
ingmymom wasnot
enoughyouaskedagr ownmantosleepwi
th
me.
Youcri
ppledme.Youdestr
oyedmychi l
dhood.
Andforwhat,whatdi
dIdotoy ou"allt
hose
di
stur
bingmemor i
esfl
oodedmymi nd.Iwasin
pai
nagain.IFel
tli
ket
hathel
plesslit
tl
ekid
agai
n.Idi
dn'
tunder
standwhyshewant
edme
tosuf
fer

"am nott
heonlyonewhoisresponsi
blef
oryou
bei
ngmolested,
youshoul
dknowt hatNqobi
le
i
salsotheonewhocausedyout obegangrape.
Sheli
edtoherhusbandaboutyouandthe
husbandaskedhi
sf r
iendstot
eachyoua
l
esson"shesaidproudly.

Il
ookedatherwi
thsomuchhat
e.Whywer
e
peopl
ecl
osetomehurti
ngme.

"seemsl
i
ket
her
ear
enosai
ntsher
e"shesai
d.

"thepoli
ceareonthei
rway,Ical
l
edthem,t
hey
alr
eadyhavePatri
ckandMrsdiggeri
ncust
ody
,
youallwil
lpayf
orevery
thi
ngthatyoudi
d.I
haveenoughevi
dencetomakesur
ethaty
ou
di
einprison,
"sockssai
d

Ireal
lydon'
tknowwhathappenednextbutal
lI
heardwasal oudbang,
nextt
hingIknewnompi
wasont heground,t
henMrNkosifol
lowed.

"Jesus.
..
.Nomcebo"mom scr
eamed
Ilookedbehi
ndmeandcebowascov er
edi
n
tearswit
haguninhershakyhands.
Shedr
oppedi
taf
tershoot
ing.

"
Dammitcebo"socksQui
ckl
ytookt
hegunon
t
hefl
oor
.

Gci
na:
cebowher
edi
dyougetagun.
"theydeservet
odie.
..
..
theydeservet
odi
e"she
keptrepeat
ingIwentovertoher.

Me:
owhNono,
youshoul
dn'
thav
edonet
hat
.

Cebo:shehur
tyou,theyt
ookmom away.You
havealway
sprotect
edmeandIwaspr ot
ecti
ng
you.

Me:
ceboy
ouwi
l
lgot
opr
ison.
..
.

Cebo:it
sfi
ne.
..
am j
usthappyt
haty
ouwi
l
lfi
nal
l
y
befree.

Ihuggedhert
ight
ly.

"Nkosi
ornot
,youwi
l
lal
way
sbemyl
i
ttl
esi
ster
,
Iwil
lal
way
slov
eyou"Isai
dsqueezi
ngher
ti
ght
ly.

Bythet
imewebrokethehugthepar
amedi
cs
andpol
icewer
ealr
eadyther
e
Theyr
ushedt
hem bot
htot
hehospi
tal

"whoshott
hem,apol
i
ceof
fi
cerasked"Ihel
d
onti
ghtt
ocebo

"Idid,
theyat
tempt
edt
ofl
eesoIshott
hem"
sockssaid

Hel
ookedatusandwi
nk

"socksno"Isai
d
"don'
twor
rydear
,ev
ery
thi
ngwi
l
lbeal
ri
ght"
he
sai
d

Theycuff
edhi
m andwal
kedout
.wewer
eal
l
l
eftder
anged.

Noonespokeofwhathadj
usthappened.
ThatdayremainedasaPai
nful
remi
nderof
whathappened.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
#28mont
hs_
lat
er.

Nooneeverspokeofthatday,
Mrnkosi
r
ecover
edandwast akenint
opoli
cecust
ody
.
Nompil
oal sosustai
nminori
njur
iesbutshe
committ
edsui ci
deri
ghti
nthehospital
,andI
havenoideahow.
Sockswasr
eleased,
hewentbackt
oKzn

Iattendedtherapecaseandaft
erayearall
thosewhor apedmewer econvi
cted,
theyeach
gota30y earsi
npr i
sonsent
ence.
Jet
hro,
mrnkosi
andPat
ri
ckgotl
i
fesent
ences.
Mrsdi
ggergot20y
ear
sinpr
isonf
ordr
ugs
smuggl
ing.
..
..
*
*
*
*

Ev
ery
thi
ngwasnev
ernor
mal
aft
ert
hatday
.

Ceboisincapet
own,shei
sdoingherfi
rsty
ear
i
nmedi ci
neatUCP,
wellsi
nceshelef
ttwo
year
sagoshehasn'
tcomehome.
Shedidhermatr
ici
nsomeboar di
ngschool,
mom conti
nuedpayi
ngforherschoolf
ees,she
sayswemustgivehersometime,shewil
l
comebackhomewhenshe' sready.
Shestil
lcal
lthough.Wel at
erlearntt
hatshegot
thegunfrom somewell knownl ocal
thugwho
l
ivedinourstreet
.Sherenteditbecauseshefel
t
shewasn'tsafe,wit
hnompi inthehouse.

Zeest
il
lcal
l
smef
rom t
imet
oti
me,
shehasa
f
ianceandi
sst
ayi
ngi
njozi
.
ThabangandhisMot herar
esti
ll
inkzn,and
theyseem t
obedoi ngpret
tywel
l,Joy
cev i
sit
s
hishusbandinpr
ison.

AsforSfi
so..
..
..
wel
lIhav
en'
thear
dfr
om sf
iso
ev
ersincethatday
.
Ithinkheistheonewhokeepscal l
i
ngmewi
th
priv
atenumbert henkeepsqui
et.Ormay
bei
ts
nothim Icannev erknow.
WhatIheardfrom Zeei
sthatsfi
sojoi
nedthe
Ar
my ,
Idon'tknowwhyhedi dthatbuthey
..
..
he
wasasoldernow.

Sar
ahandIaresti
llbestoff
ri
ends,Ihadmet
wit
hpreci
oustheprevi
ousyearandshecoul
dn'
t
waitt
obragabouthowshesleptwithSet
h,
Nqobi
lei
sst
udy
ingnur
singandi
sst
il
lst
ayi
ng
athome.
Ihadforgi
venherf oreveryt
hingthathappened.
Andwef oundoutt hatJethrokil
ledjaden
becausehecaughthi m snoopingar oundt
he
housethatni
ghtwhenhewasgoi ngtowork.
Jethr
owast heretokill
mebutj adencaught
hi
m andconf ront
edhim, theyengagedi nafi
ght
andJethrostabbedhim.
Hedrovehiscarasfarashecould.Abandoned
i
tther
e,tookhisphoneandlef
t.
I
nthemorni
ngHesentmom amessage,
he
wi
pedthephoneandt
ooki
tbackt
othescene.

Ir
eal
lythi
nkJaden'
sdeathwasasenseless
ki
l
li
ng.Jet
hrohadnoreasontoki
l
lhim buthe
di
danyway.
Mom andNqobif
orgav
eeachotherandnow
l
iv
edinharmony
.Ayaismarr
iedandli
vesin
Nkomazi
.

Andasforme..
..
wellam perf
ectl
yfine,Ihav
e
becomesoclosewit
hAt heandfinall
yNqobile
agreedt
otel
lhersi
deoft hestor
y.

2016hasbeengoodt omesof ar.

Iam doingmy
fi
nalyearandOwham actual
lyfourmonths
pregnantandyouwon'
tbeli
evewhot hebaby
daddyis.

Well.
..
.i
tsnoneothert
hanSet h.Weareact
ual
ly
acouple,notmarri
edoranything,
westart
ed
dati
ngay earagoandIguessmywombwasn' t
thatdamagedafteral
lbecausehereIam
pregnant.
Qui
tefrankl
ythi
sisanunpl
annedpregnancy.I
hadnohopesofhav i
ngababybef
oreIfini
sh
mystudies,
butIguessGodhadotherpl
ansf or
me.

SethhasanapartmentaroundtownandIl i
ve
ther
ewithhi
m.Hewor ksatsout hAfri
canair
ways.AsaAt r
aineepil
ot,heearnsenough,i
ts
notmuchbuthei sabl
etomai ntai
nbothofus
SJleaveswithhisparent
sandhasgr
ownsobi g.
Ioftenvi
sitmom andGcinawhoarest
il
lgoing
str
ong.ButIwillsoonbegoi
nghometogive
bi
rth.AndIwill
st i
l
lstayt
her
eforf
ewmont hs

ourrelat
ionshi
pwithSet
hisnotwit
houtit
s
tr
oublesbutwear edoi
ngohk.Myguyisa
hopelessromanti
candthat
'swhatIlov
eabout
hi
m.
Wellany
wayafterthatconf essi
on,poli
cedug
mymom' sr
emai nsfrom t heNkosi r
esi
dence,
wethengav
eherabef i
tti
ngburial
.Iburi
edthat
BLOODSTAI
NEDVEI Lwi thher.Withthevei
l
goneIwasreadytost artanewl if
e.

Ihav
ebeenthroughhell
andwit
hGod'
sgraceI
cameoutal
i
v e.Am gl
adam her
est
il
lhust
li
ng.

Myl i
fehasbeennof ai
ryt
ale,
Ihavemadesome
mistakes,lostsomel
ovedonesbutIhave
gr
own, andIwannabet hebestformycoming
l
it
tleprincess.

Ihav
emadeav
owt
opr
otectherf
rom t
his
worl
d.
Imightnotseem sostr
ongbutl
ord,
Ihav ebeen
thr
oughThewor standIcameoutal
ive.Iam
bl
essedtobeher
eri
ghtnow,
myst
orydoesn'
t
endhere.
Ther
esstil
lalottocome,Istil
lhav
eobstacl
es
toover
comebecauseweal lknownoonecan
behappyforeverr
ight
,Iknowsomedayst or
ms
andhail
willcomeandIwi l
lbeheretof
aceit.

Becausengi
yat
ikut
sii
nkosi
IMI
NAMI
.

IAM I
MINATHIKhuzway
o,andIam ar
ape
sur
viv
or.

#THEEND