In many nations, buying has always been favored over renting when it comes to housing.

This is mostly because people want to be in control of their lives and I believe it is a wise
decision overall given its financial advantages. [3 -ing's consecutively, feels
strange/affects coherence when reading]

Firstly, avoiding dealing with stubborn landlords is the primary reason why people choose to
own a house instead of renting one. It would not be desirable for renters to be reliant on
utility bills like electricity, water, or maintenance. Also, living in an unfurnished rented
house will eventually lead to tension and disagreements. Unexpected emergencies due
to poor facility management such as water leaks or floor repairs can strain the relationship
between the landlord and tenants. It could become a very depressing situation to live in if the
property owner decides to cause problems by increasing the rental cost. The worst
situation will be when the lease agreement is cancelled and the occupants are forced
to vacate the property. [turn this sentence into an example "In fact, some residents
have had their lease agreement cancelled...]

On top of this, getting on the property ladder as soon as possible can guarantee people real
financial security in the future. People who make a mortgage deposit on a house are given a
loan that they can repay progressively over time. After years, their loans will can be paid off
and they will eventually own the property outright. In doing this, house owners are able to
create a solid passive income stream that will continue well into the future. Like all
investments, houses can rise in value over time. Therefore, when they sell the houses, they
ultimately cash in their equities as profits. Clearly, people can take advantage of time to
benefit from property ownership.

In conclusion, the main motivation for becoming homeowners might be the desire for
independence. Given that it might be a future investment, I believe this is generally a
positive decision. [repeated 'might be']

TASK RESPONSE

- it's not clear what you mean by 'tenants are reliant on utility bills' in BODY 1. Do you mean
they depend on paying bills? They depend on paying bills through their landlord? [remember,
homeowners also pay bills - an issue for renters could be that bills are checked by the LL, and
can be a further problem if payment is delayed etc.]

- it's not clear what the relevancy is of an 'unfurnished house'. Why would they be living in an
unfurnished house/flat? [unfurnished means there is no furniture]

- it's not clear how 'house owners are able to create a solid passive income' in BODY 2, when
all you mentioned is that they 'own' the property. In order to create a passive income, they
would have to 'lease out' their home to new tenants and become landlords.

CC

- The body 1 main idea is 'stubborn landlords', but I only see evidence of stubbornness
mentioned in the last sentence or two. It might be better to have the main idea slightly more
general - such as 'people want to avoid dealing with landlords' - then the explanation doesn't
need to be linked to 'stubborn' but several issues related to landlords in general.

A more logical 'progression' below:

IDEA - TO AVOID DEALING WITH LANDLORDS - SMALL ISSUES CAN MOUNT UP AND BE
FORGOTTEN ABOUT - SO, TENANT MUST COMPLAIN/LEADS TO BAD RELATIONSHIP -
LANDLORD IS RESPONSIBLE FOR FIXES, BUT TENANT IS FINANCIALLY LIABLE AFTER PAYING A
DEPOSIT - SO, LANDLORDS MAY LIE/EXERT CONTROL AND RAISE COSTS - SOME LANDLORDS
TAKE DEPOSIT MONEY FOR DAMAGES THAT WEREN'T CAUSED BY TENANTS - EVEN WORSE,
PEOPLE HAVE HAD LEASE AGREEMENT CANCELLED ETC AFTER THESE TYPES OF ISSUES

SCORE: *Your essay score here would be much lower than average based on the unclear
aspects of body 1, and some issues with grammatical range in the introduction and
summary. [when things become a bit unclear, it enters into band 6 territory for TR]

TWO model essays below you can read through, which one is better in your opinion? Do
you notice any problems with either? What score would you give them?

MODEL ESSAY 1:

A lot of people focus on becoming homeowners and would rather avoid having to pay
rent. This is mostly because people do not want to depend on a landlord, and in my
opinion, the financial benefits of this make it a positive choice overall.

Firstly, when renting a property, landlords may cause many problems for tenants.
Complications with appliances or minor damages that are never fixed can mount up
over time and become stressful. When residents are then forced to complain, it can lead
to an unhealthy relationship which only makes matters worse. Renters are liable for any
damages after their move-in date, and typically have to put down a large deposit to
cover potential repair costs. This means the property owner can blame occupants for
things they did not do as an excuse to rob them of their deposit money. In fact, people
have had their rental fees raised significantly over disputes such as these, or even worse
been evicted after seemingly breaking the terms of agreement in their contract. It is
clear to see how the sense of security from being a homeowner is so desirable in
comparison to this.

On top of that, the sooner people get onto the property ladder, the more they will save in
the long run. Despite requiring a larger initial investment, once buyers put down a
mortgage deposit for the property, they will receive a large loan which can be repaid
over longer periods of time. This means that tenants can gradually pay this off and end
up with complete ownership of their home. Typically, dwellers will then sell their house
later on for profit, which can often be quite high if the housing market has inflated. If
timed well, this can be an ideal choice for young adults who are planning to settle down
in the future and start a family. Whereas, with rental fees, this money will never see a
return of investment and instead goes solely to the landlord. In fact, many house owners
pay back their mortgages and then decide to rent out the property to new tenants,
making a consistent flow of passive income as they become landlords themselves.

To conclude, buying a home is a favourable choice when compared to renting for those
who can afford it. Being in full control of allows for more freedom and privacy.
MODEL ESSAY 2:

A lot of people focus on becoming homeowners and would rather avoid having to pay
rent. This is mostly because people do not want to depend on a landlord, and in my
opinion a more financially wise decision.

Firstly, most people do not want to live under the authority of a landlord. Since they
have legal ownership, landlords may have to visit the property for regular inspection to
check appliances and fix minor damages. This can be inconvenient for residents and
invade the privacy of their home. Not only that, if bad relationships form between the
two as a result of constant complaints, the landlord could abuse their power and create
more difficult conditions for the inhabitants. In some cases, people have had their rental
fees raised, deposits taken away, or even been evicted based on these types of situations.
Being an independent property owner then also gives people more financial freedom as
they are not restricted or controlled by a legal lessor.

This latter point is indeed what makes the choice, or rather the opportunity, to buy a
house an obviously positive one. All buyers need to do is put down a deposit for a
mortgage loan - albeit a heavy investment - which is then paid off monthly at a rate
usually lower than the average rental prices in many countries. So, people can
simultaneously pay off their loan throughout their contract whilst living in a property
they have sole ownership of. In terms of when the loan is paid off completely depends on
each resident’s contract and financial situation, but when it is eventually done this
opens up more options for the owners to make profit. They can sell it outright when the
housing market has inflated, or become landlords themselves and create a passive
income.

It is clear overall why the majority of individuals share such goals to buy their first
home, it is a true sign of success and liberation.