Counseling Skills Guide
Counseling Skills Guide
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CHAPTER OBJECTIVES
individual (client) to help them deal with psychological, social, or performance problems.
Proven psychological methods are used to collect the client’s personal history through
interviews and tests and identify their problems, causes and contexts in order to devise and
apply the best approaches to resolve their issues. Here, the focus is on the concept of a
and has the objective to help clients better understand and cope with situations that they are
struggling with. This often involves helping the client to be aware of and understand their
own emotions, thoughts, and feelings and be ready, able, and willing to make positive
alternative choices and decisions that will facilitate their aspirations and life goals. Hereby
clients become aware and mindful of automatic negative thoughts and accept that they
originated from genuine life experiences, which may have been so distressing that they
caused negative responses such as core beliefs just to be able to cope with their daily lives.
Clients are assisted to recognize these negative thought processes and understand that there
Counseling Skills: A Short e-Manual 2
are positive functional alternatives that are available to resolve their problems and change
We have already used some important concepts in counseling and therapy in the
previous paragraph, such as automatic negative thoughts, core beliefs, thought (or cognitive)
processes, functional alternative beliefs, and mindful awareness, which I will briefly explain.
We all know that thoughts are negative and positive and make us who we are from past years
experiences—often as a child—we try to cope by rationalizing that the world is a bad place,
maybe we are not good enough, everyone is against us, we deserve the pain, and nothing will
ever get better again. These explanations become core beliefs if they are experienced over
and over and reinforced as a deep-seated view of ourselves, others, and the world. They are at
the core of automatic negative thoughts, those little voices that tell you you’re going to fail
again, others think you are hopeless, and that you shouldn’t think these thoughts. When
enough thoughts are unhelpfully negative, the consequences for ourselves and those around
us can be devastating. Sometimes one negative thought follows another without filter or
choice. When negative thinkers look at the past, there is regret. When they look at the future
there is anxiety and pessimism. In the present moment, there always seems to be something
that is unsatisfactory. This type of thinking severely limits a person’s ability to enjoy his or
her life, and to perform according to his or her abilities and aspirations, which soon alienates
others. In counseling, automatic negative thoughts and their underlying core beliefs are
identified and the client is guided to become aware of their presence and effects and assisted
manageable steps. It is clear that these cognitive processes of unconscious thinking are
important initiators of human behavior, and therefore form a central aspect in most modern
counseling and therapy approaches. Many counseling techniques are nowadays enhanced
3 Counseling Skills: A Short e-Manual
with principles of mindfulness. Instead of dwelling on negative experiences of the past and
the hopelessness of the future, the client is focused on an open and active awareness of the
present moment without judging any feelings or sensations. Each thought, feeling, and
experience is acknowledged and accepted as it is. This counseling and therapy technique
teaches the client self-regulated attention and conscious awareness of his or her current
Counseling also entails that a client is provided with the necessary skills that are
required to support the rest of the counseling process and their lives outside of counseling.
These are usually social, personal interaction, and communication skills that are helpful in
making the changes to resolve their problems, improve their functioning, and improve
problems and improve the client’s functioning. This is achieved by identifying the client’s
problems and its context, and identifying and implementing a practical solution to bring about
positive changes.
Usually, two persons are present during counseling, the counselor/therapist and the
client. They engage in a process through communication that is facilitated and guided by the
counselor through active listening and leads to action on the part of the client. The counselor
is a professional who uses his or her education and experience to engage with the client,
establish a trusting and empathetic relationship, and identify and resolve problems in
collaboration with the client. In most modern counseling and therapy approaches, the
counselor has an active facilitator role (in collaboration) rather than an expert instructor (in
Counseling Skills: A Short e-Manual 4
authority). There are many distinct factors and aspects of the counselor’s role and personal
Therapeutic relationship. The single most important aspect that determines the
alliance is created between the counselor and client when an atmosphere of mutual trust and
confidence exists without bias and judgment, which helps to affect beneficial change in the
client through positive rapport and engagement. The most widely cited contemporary
definition of the therapeutic alliance was developed by Gelso and Carter (1985), which
asserts that “The relationship is the feelings and attitudes that therapist and client have
towards one another, and the manner in which these are expressed” (p. 159). The therapeutic
relationship consists of three elements, namely the working alliance, transference and
The working alliance is made of three parts, namely tasks, goals, and bond, and is the
productive joining or collaboration of the efforts of the counselor and client to affect positive
change. Transference and countertransference are also very important concepts in counseling
and therapy. Transference was first described by Sigmund Freud as an activation of feelings
and emotions from repressed childhood experiences in the client in the process of
engagement with the therapist. A more recent and simpler explanation is a phenomenon
transference is often viewed as inappropriate, it is only the case when it leads to maladaptive
thoughts, feelings, or behaviors in either the counselor or client. Otherwise it is a very natural
is the redirection of a therapist’s feelings toward a patient, which can be as varied as erotic
real or personal relationship between the client and therapist is based on genuineness and
5 Counseling Skills: A Short e-Manual
realism and is a powerful force in the change process as it enables the therapist to assist client
Therapeutic process role. The counselor’s role in the therapy process can be broadly
divided into six activities, namely connect, reassure, stabilize, address needs and concerns,
Figure 1 above illustrates the important and comprehensive roles that a counselor play
encouraging. His or her personal attributes and abilities are critical elements in building
synergy with the client to develop a durable change effect together by avoiding negative
transference and creating a stable and positive atmosphere that will give the client self-
confidence to focus on strengths rather than emphasize problems and concerns. By providing
and facilitating an environment and process with which a client feels comfortable, familiar,
and not judged, positive change can occur. In order to achieve these process-related roles, the
counselor also has to consider his or her emotional and professional roles and how they may
Social and emotional role. The therapeutic relationship is not devoid of feelings, in
fact, effective therapy largely depends on expressing, perceiving, and processing feelings that
the client may have a problem dealing with in his or her life situation (Knapp, 2007). It is the
counselor’s role to identify, acknowledge, and understand these feelings and emotions with
emotional distance from the client, as it is to consider (and empathize with) his or her feelings
in the context of their circumstances and past experiences. Objectivity allows the counselor to
focus on the client’s problems without letting bias and personal judgments get into the way of
improvement. For similar reasons, personal contact with a client is contraindicated as it can
easily move beyond the boundaries of professionalism and objectivity and become a
confounding factor in the professional relationship. It is reasonable to argue that first hand
may not be accurate. However, they provide valuable clues to the client’s own conscious and
subconscious interpretations, emotions, and intentions that may have been lost otherwise. In
the process, the counselor realizes that he or she is in essence the client’s advocate and has
7 Counseling Skills: A Short e-Manual
their wellbeing at heart without other interference. Social interactions can easily lead to
conflicting interests with others in the client’s life, which is potentially harmful to the
therapeutic relationship and counseling objectives with the client as the counselor’s primary
consideration.
Professional role. Ethical guidelines and professional codes of conduct of all therapy
and counseling associations require that a professional adhere to a set of rules to protect the
counselor, client, and health care profession as a whole. These oblige the counselor to protect
the privacy and confidentiality of the client in all but the most exceptional circumstances. In
some situations, legislation that is applicable to the particular jurisdiction that the counselor
practices in, may demand disclosure. Common examples are if the counselor has probable
cause to believe that the client is involved in child abuse, elderly abuse, using sessions in
furtherance of an ongoing or future crime, or present and clear and imminent danger to
himself or someone else. These exceptions to privilege must be discussed with the client in
the informed consent process prior to the first counseling session. Apart from these
exceptions, the counselor must protect the client’s identity and personal information at all
times.
Another of the counselor’s role requirements demands that he or she limits their
procedures, actions, and processes to the scope of practice that is allowed within their specific
boards and the counselor may face an administrative or other complaint if the conditions are
violated, which may result in sanctions such as probation, suspension, or license revocation.
Boundary issues are also important, which mostly refer to the counselor’s self-
disclosure, touch, exchange of gifts, bartering, location of sessions, and contact with a client
outside the office, including dual relationships which may sometimes be unavoidable.
Unprofessional contact and conduct with the client may result in ineffective counseling,
Counseling Skills: A Short e-Manual 8
only and casual contact outside this setting should be avoided (Knapp, 2007). Counseling
effectiveness are based on a sound and professional therapeutic relationship with predictable,
stable, and robust boundaries, although some flexibility may be appropriate in different
cultural and confined settings. Therefore it is also important that a counselor is culturally
competent to deal with diverse clients and understand the impact that certain behaviors may
Furthermore, counselors have the responsibility to ensure that they practice within
their own limits of competence. They should realize that they will probably have a profound
effect on the life and wellbeing of a client that they are attempting to counsel effectively.
Therefore, the service that they provide, including the type of client and problems, as well as
the methods that they apply, must be within their own proven abilities and experience. In
essence, it is the main goal of the counselor to identify and resolve the client’s issues that are
within his professional scope and improve the client’s condition. The counselor should not
allow anything to compromise his or her relationship with the client, and take all reasonable
repeating, paraphrasing or reflecting to indicate to the speaker that their message is heard and
understood. Although most counseling clients will attempt to explain or disclose their ideas,
concerns, and expectations about their problems, often real concerns and underlying factors
behavior that could make the counselor aware that there are unresolved concerns that the
9 Counseling Skills: A Short e-Manual
client may not be ready or able to raise. A deeper understanding of the true problems and
their underlying causes result in more effective counseling and improved client wellbeing.
By ensuring that the counselor understands the nuances of the spoken and unsaid
issues, he or she is in the best position to identify the real problems to target in counseling.
This is achieved by applying the techniques of active listening, which is a method that can be
learnt and practiced. The first step of active listening is comprehending. The counselor
analyzes while listening to what the client is saying without distractions of sounds,
interruptions, or thoughts about other topics. The second step is retaining, where the
counselor not only analyzes what the client is saying, but also places it in the context and
meaning of their whole situation to add maximum value to the message. The third step is
responding, which is very important to relay to the client that what he or she is saying is
clearly and correctly understood, while clarifying where necessary. The counselor interprets
the client’s message, but needs to ensure that the client’s emotions, feelings, and information
is correctly perceived. This can be done by paraphrasing the message and repeating it back to
the client in his or her own words. Hereby the client is given the opportunity to hear their
words in a different way, which adds to overall understanding, and provides a good time to
clarify any misunderstanding. The client also acknowledges their feelings while knowing that
the counselor has paid attention, which build mutual trust, openness, and establishes a strong
counselor-client bond.
counseling can be learnt and practiced to develop the necessary skills. Techniques that should
paraphrasing what the client has said. The counselor repeats what the client
Counseling Skills: A Short e-Manual 10
has said in his or own words, which the client has the opportunity to
his or her understanding with the client. An example is: “So, it sounds to me
3. Minimal encouragers: Brief, but positive prompts are used to encourage the
flow of information while letting the client know that you are listening and
5. Giving feedback: The counselor may at times add his or her own thoughts,
understanding.
emotions into words and check with the client or encourage further insights.
counselor can subtly elicit more detail by follow-up questions. “What do you
8. Validation: It is very valuable for the client to feel that he or she is not judged
to convey their importance to the client while giving them a short opportunity
to reflect.
10. Silence: Comfortable silences can be productively applied to give a client time
11. “I” messages: In many cases the use of “I” in responses give a softer, less
emotional, it is sometimes better to change the topic for a while to diffuse their
emotions.
issues.
In the process of active listening, the counselor should also be attentive to manners
“Why” questions, which may often elicit a defensive response from a client,
too much advising by the counselor, which may disempower the client,
digging for information and forcing discussion of a topic that a person does
letting your own feelings and reactions interfere with the process.
effective counseling. It is a subtle and respectful method to gain maximum value from spoken
information, unspoken clues, and mutual understanding, which are essential elements in a
the principles of active listening. Read it carefully and reflect on the questions afterwards.
Some of the more advanced concepts will be discussed further in following Units.
abuser. The client is a 16-year-old male who was arrested for having repeated intercourse
with an underage female. At 7- to 9-years old he was abused and raped by his stepfather. The
therapy session took place in a residential setting (Jennings, Apsche, Blossom, & Bayles,
(Therapist): Open your eyes and allow yourself to get focused in this moment. Are
(Client): I feel like I am moving through these painful feelings and thoughts in a
different way than I have in the past with other therapists. [Based on
(Therapist): Well, let’s talk about it. You have let yourself think these thoughts and
feel the pain and you are still here. [Acceptance and validation.] So, is it
possible that you can accept that these painful thoughts and feelings are
(Therapist): And, it's clear you can experience them and not fall apart. [Validation.]
Can you then commit yourself to move on with all of your pain and
thoughts and not let them control your life? [Elicit commitment to
action.]
(Therapist): You are right. It's not easy. [Validation.] However, you have just
successfully accepted that they are part of you and you can move on with
(Therapist): So, maybe there are also times when there are no painful feelings and
thoughts? [Probing.]
(Therapist): In the last session, we discussed how you couldn’t feel anything.
(Therapist): You endorsed the beliefs “Anything is better than feeling unpleasant”
(Client): Okay.
(Therapist): Where on or in your body do you notice the nothing-the emptiness and
numbness?
(Therapist): Describe how the numbness feels. What does the emptiness feel like in
your chest?
(Therapist): What do you notice about this emptiness? Is it there to protect you from
pain? [Reflecting.]
(Therapist): The pain of your past physical and emotional abuse. The pain you feel
from your mother not being able to take care of you. [Refers to insights
(Client): It was like a burning hole in my chest, like my heart had hot burning lava
in there.
(Therapist): Okay, let yourself experience that pain. The hot lava right here [points to
(Therapist): What are the painful thoughts that go with this numbness and pain?
[Probing.]
(Therapist): Let yourself experience these thoughts and pain. You know that you
have spent your life avoiding these painful thoughts and feelings. They
(Client): Yes, it really sucks sometimes that I have to live with pain and bad
memories, but at least I can live with them and finally move on in my
life.
(Therapist): It’s not easy, but you have just successfully accepted that they [painful
feelings] are part of you and you can move on with your life.
[Summarizing.]
(Therapist): So, you agree that you can experience painful or numb feelings and be
(Therapist): It makes sense that you are in therapy given your history. Your
childhood was filled with hurt and anger and being on your own most of
(Therapist): So you being here with all these feelings of anger and hurt makes sense
and it is where you need to be, but you also can experience your painful
(Therapist): I mean right now in this moment, you can experience unpleasant feelings
and be okay.
(Therapist): Tell me how much you really believe you are okay experiencing these
(Client): Maybe a 6.
(Therapist): So, 60 percent of the time, you, in this moment, are able to experience
(Therapist): You will keep working on it, because it works and you are important and
(Client): Okay.
(Therapist): Can I ask one more thing? You had endorsed the belief “Always” for
(Client): Yeah.
(Client): Fight, drink, smoke weed. You know, stuff like that.
(Therapist): Okay, but you just experienced painful thoughts, hurtful feelings and that
hot lava—and you said you could deal with it 60 percent of the time,
(Therapist): So, is it possible to hurt and be okay with it in this moment? [Restating.]
(Therapist): So right here and right now in this moment, you can hurt and be okay
and not have to fight, drink, smoke weed, or any other stuff like non-
(Therapist): That’s where it starts. Good work for today! We’ll continue working on
this next session so you can feel numbness and pain and be okay in the
exercise...
In the session above, the effective use of active listening becomes clear, especially as
the therapist validates the young client’s problem behavior as reasonable given his difficult
past experiences. He also uses summarizing, restating, and probing in alternating sequences
to get more meaningful information, ensure mutual understanding, and builds the client’s
commitment for action. He also utilizes silence to give the client time to think about a
difficult aspect of his problems. Now, think about the questions below.
The client is an adolescent male with problem behaviors and a past of abuse. It is important
for a counselor to consider the maturity and abilities of a client in their interaction, which is
reflected in the active listening approaches that he uses. In this case, do you believe that the
therapist effectively interacted with the client given his young age?
Any counseling session should have a particular goal. The session is planned and
structured with that specific goal in mind. Active listening skills are applied with the
objective to achieve the goal with the client in the allotted time. What would you say the
session goal was - redirection of the client’s beliefs and validation of his experience? Was
this goal achieved? Could the therapist have done anything better or different?
In this Unit (1), the overall objective of counseling—as a structured and systematic
process to resolve a client’s psychological or performance problems and improve his or her
wellbeing—was discussed, as well as the broad roles and responsibilities of the counselor in
Counseling Skills: A Short e-Manual 18
counseling was emphasized, and the practice of active listening explained in order to build
this required level of mutual trust, while eliciting meaningful information to be used in the
change process. As has become clear at this time, the counseling process revolves around an
interview setting. The interviewing skills and tasks of the counselor will be explored in Unit
KEY CONCEPTS
References
Gelso, C.J. & Carter, J. (1985). The relationship in counseling and psychotherapy:
Jennings, J. L., Apsche, J. A., Blossom, P., & Bayles, C. (2013). Using mindfulness in the
22.