Goodmorning everyone!
Before I share my testimony I would like first to give thanks to our Lord and
savior Jesus Christ who died for us and gave himself for us, so that we can walk in wholeness, in health
and in victory.
Ako ang isa ka tawo nga kilala as chill2 lang, daw waay problema, ga kadlaw kadlaw lang kag daw ga
excel man sa skwelahan ah. Nagdako ko sa pamilya nga mejo may sarang man kag gapati man sa tuod
nga Ginoo. Napadako man ko nga mayad kay gina tudluan man mayad ni mama kag papa kang mga
mayad nga pinamatasan. Kag sympre ako gasunod man sa mga ginapanghambal ni mama kag papa
kanakon, pero kis lang greng.
One day, I felt like I was always defeated. Nabatyagan ko nga ang kabuhi ko daw waay tig progress.
feeling ko mediocre lang ko sa tanan nga bagay, Daw jack of all trades ako pero way ko tig na master,
kag gina compare ko self ko to many people that I look upon kag nakita ko nga nubo lang ako compare
sa ila. kang pandemic, pag corona-virus outbreak, kang waay ubra si papa kag mejo financially stuggling
kmi. I prayed to God. Gin pray ko kay God nga I will do all His laws and commandments that is wriiten in
the bible, Then He would bless me. Dumduman ko pa nga ginsulat ko gd ja sa akon nga diary ang prayer
nga ja. Little did I know during that ang prayer ko ngato is actually like the prayer of Israel before God
gave them the Law. Gapati ko sa kaugalingon ko nga kaya ko on my own to the Laws and
commandments of God and it blinded me of the grace of God.
You see when God redeemed Israel from Egypt, They were actually under the Abrahamic covenant. They
were under the grace of God. When they complained God did not bring to them death, but instead he
gave them fresh mana. When they complain again, God did not smite them with curse but with another
blessing again. But when they reached mount Sinai, kang nagsaka si moses sa Mount Sinai, God said that
If they would continue in my covenant I would bless you. But the Israelites replied that All that God Can
do we can do It, they presumed in their own holiness. Not knowing that all that time God is the one who
was fighting for them. And the next verse god gave them the ten commanments.
So I did the very best to follow the laws and commandments of God. I tried my best to love my neighbor
as I love myself, I tried hard to manifest in me the Gifts of the holy spirit, I tried my best to not think
negative thoughts; and it caused me to be weary. One day I found myself depressed. I even self
diagnosed myself and watched different kinds of videos about depression in youtube. Even mga lain2
nga pastor sa youtube gin pang tan aw ko para lang Madura ang depression ko. Pero imbis nga
mabuligan ko kang mga sermons It only brought me more depression, because all I heard was more on
doing. That I need to do this so that I can be this, I need to this to be blessed, I need to confess my sins
to be forgiven. during that time mas nag lala pagid ang depression kag naging obsessed ko sa mga
sermons. Kun nd ko makalantaw sermons I would be condemned, That god will forsake me because I did
hear His word.
I remembered kang grade 12 ako SHS ma absent ko sa eskwelahan para lang mamati kang sermon kay
daw may jan “gahutik kanakon nga mas importante pa ang pag eskwela sa pagbasa bible haw?” Waay
ang ako gapanugid kay mama nga ga absent ko pero man an ni papa kay jan tana sa balay kay waay tana
ubra. I would spend my time watching sermons by pastor how to overcome depressions, how to
overcome OCD, and all that but it only caused my condition to be more severe, simply because I did not
hear the true gospel of Christ. During this time nd ko katurog, nd ko kakaon mayad because all of the
obsessive thoughts nga gasulod sa isip ko , bisan ang pag inom tubig nd ko kaya kay gina question ko ran
kun importante gdman ang pag inom tubig, what if ma pray dulang ko kag nd mag inom tubig?
Nadumduman ko isa kagab e nd ko katurog kag grabe paramalhas ka alima ko, and utok ko nd ko ma
punggan isip kang mga compulsive toughts like if God knew the future of all men, and He knew some
would go to hell, then why did He created us knowing that some would go to hell? Nagbangon ko kag
namangkot kay mama kag papa nga “ma, tuod si God?” Kag si mama gn tampa tampa na ang istura ko
kay Makita na nga daw waay dun ko tig kabuhi, like blanko dugid ako. I suffered these severe depression
in cycle for 6 months.
One day I said to the Lord. If I can do it in my own then let me be. I don’t need you. That very same day
nd ko mapunggan magsuka kang tanan ko nga gina kaon. It brought me to the end of myself and said to
the Lord, I cannot do it anymore lord. All I know during that is that I need someone to help me. Not
someone to tell me what to do.
To cut the long story short I got depressed because I wrongly believed that I can do the laws and
commandments of God on my own; because I read somewhere in the old testament that if you will not
keep the commandments of the Lord Many of this curses will come upon you. I felt like a was a sinner,
kag nd ko gusto ni God. I tried my best to read the bible at least one hour a day not out of love but out
of fear because I believed kun nd ko mag basa bible God will never be pleased with me. I also tried my
best to worship the Lord pero way tig adlaw nga waay ko ga hibi samtang ga worship kay feel ko
makasasala ko. I worship, I read the bible, I pray because I thought if I do all these thigs I would be
forgiven from all my sins.
