waterloo

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/25519759.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Categories: F/M, M/M, F/F
Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black
& Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter, Hestia Jones/Marlene
McKinnon
Characters: Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, James Potter, Lily Evans Potter, Peter
Pettigrew, Marauders (Harry Potter), Severus Snape, Alice Longbottom,
Frank Longbottom, Marlene McKinnon, Mary Macdonald, Hestia Jones,
Hope Lupin, Regulus Black
Additional Tags: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Truth or Dare,
Funny, Mild Angst, just your general teen angst, Questioning Sexuality,
Hogwarts Seventh Year, Crushes, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Mutual
Pining, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders, wolfstar, Friendship,
Christmas, Swearing, Fluff and Humor, Christmas Fluff, Quidditch,
Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Secret Relationship, Sirius Black
can't ice skate, Slice of Life, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort,
Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, (and he gets one), Coming Out, Cuddling &
Snuggling, Parent Death, mlm/wlw solidarity ftw, Welsh Remus Lupin,
Christmas Party, Underage Drinking, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Peter
Pettigrew is a Good Friend, Period-Typical Homophobia, but only like a
tiny amount, Pet Names
Language: English
Series: Part 1 of waterloo (promise to love you forevermore)
Collections: Mimichang_Wolfstar, Marauders2216, My favorite gays aka Wolfstar,
Wolfstar18, fav wolfstar fics of all time, best wolfstar, Wolfstar fics
TBR, Favoritos (Volver a leer), the associates, hp fics for when I need
my fix
Stats: Published: 2020-07-27 Completed: 2021-08-31 Words: 67,239 Chapters:
24/24
 waterloo
by frogsandfairies

Summary

Sirius’ hands fell to the floor again, and he lolled his head to the side to stare despairingly at
James. “His skin is so soft and he smelled liked strawberry jam,” Sirius said quietly,
deploying his saddest puppy dog eyes.
James snorted loudly as he stood up, broom in one hand. He looked down at Sirius. “What
you need, mate, is to get a life.”

---

Remus and Sirius find themselves in a predicament. Both are hopelessly pining after each
other, and after James dares them to pretend to be dating, they find that time is running out
and they'll have to admit their feelings sooner rather than later. Centers around Wolfstar but
focuses on lots of other characters as well :)

spotify playlist for this fic: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0Fcvb8nKG6br2AF57YkigT?

si=gUyEr61DQ4unAWHhXLvpdw

---

HEAVILY EDITED: 5.29.21 - 8.31.21

Notes

Remus and Sirius find themselves in a predicament. Both are hopelessly pining after each
other, and after James dares them to pretend to be dating, they find that time is running out
and they'll have to admit their feelings sooner rather than later.
 coconut shampoo
Chapter Notes

EDITED: 5.29.21
lol it's me again. I've been feeling really meh about these beginning chapters bc I feel
like they don't match up with the rest of the fic so I'm doing a big edit!!
The main plot is the same, and all of the scenes are in the same place but I've
added/changed some stuff and fixed some of the dialogue and description. Wanted it to
fit my style a bit more! anyway I would say the edits are big enough to re-read this fic,
although I'm updating as I go so there'll prob be a few days between updates (what's
new)

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“ In the dream I don’t tell anyone,

you put your head in my lap. ”

— richard siken

friday, december 13, 1977

Sirius was tired when he went down to breakfast that morning. It had been the full moon the
night before, and he’d spent it racing Moony through the forest and play fighting with Prongs
while Wormtail hung onto his antlers for dear life. Sirius had only gotten some sleep in the
few hours between moonset and the time he, James, and Peter had to sneak out before
Madam Pomfrey showed up.

It had been hard that morning (like it always was) to leave Remus, his small form curled
under a tattered blanket, mouth slightly open as he slept soundly. When Remus was awake,
he seemed hardly a boy of seventeen, aged by the masks he put up daily against the world.
Asleep, Sirius felt he looked finally his age—worry lines smoothed out of his forehead and
long eyelashes brushing against his cheeks.

Sirius wanted to curl up with him and never ever leave.

Trudging into the Great Hall, Sirius quickly found his friends and plopped down in the empty
seat next to Remus. James and Peter were sharing a copy of the Daily Prophet and Remus
was reading a letter (presumably from his mother) and absentmindedly stroking the head of
his snowy owl Artemis. Sirius sighed loudly, trying to get his friends to pay attention to him.
It didn’t work. He sighed again, louder.
“Something the matter, Pads?” Remus asked. He didn’t look too bad this morning, but Sirius
saw a brand new silvery scar on his wrist as he reached for the jam. (He remembered that
one. They were back in the shack, and Moony had gotten restless, gnawing at his own paw as
he waited for the impending sunrise).

“I’m exhausted. And we have a Transfiguration exam today!” Sirius grumbled.

“We’re all tired, Padfoot, but somehow you were the only one late to breakfast,” said James,
taking a bite of toast.

“Ugh.” Sirius groaned. Lily walked in then, claiming the empty spot next to James.

“Morning!” She said brightly.

“Sleep well?” James asked, pecking her on the cheek. Sirius pretended to gag, earning a
giggle from Remus.

“Oh, so your girlfriend can be late to breakfast? But I can’t?” Sirius asked.

James shrugged. “Yeah. I mean, she probably has a better excuse than you.”

“A better excuse than—-” But Sirius stopped short, as Remus shoved him with his shoulder
in an attempt to shut him up.

“Moony! That hurt,” he said, then muttered, “I wasn’t going to say anything anyway.”

“Sorry,” said Remus, although he didn’t look all that sorry as he struggled to hide his smile.

“S’alright,” Sirius said with a smile, letting his head fall on Remus’s shoulder. The boy under
him stilled for a moment, as if not quite sure what to do. “How are you this morning,
Moons?”

“Oh. You know. Tired. The usual—good, I guess. Better than usual?” Remus rambled
nonsensically.

Sirius snorted. “That’s good.” He met James’ eyes across the table. James raised one
eyebrow then jerked his head in their direction. Sirius raised an questioning eyebrow back,
but James merely grinned and shook his head.

Remus felt his heart splutter as Sirius cozied up to him. They were close friends, sure, but
generally didn’t get so physically close that they could smell each other’s shampoo.

Remus dreamed of that coconut shampoo smell.

“What are you doing?” Remus forced his voice to be light and joking.

“What d’you mean?”

“This,” Remus said, gesturing between the two of them—Sirius’ head on his shoulder, their
hands inches apart on the old wooden bench.

“Sleeping.”
“Well, you can’t sleep here,” Remus shook Sirius off his shoulder, hoping no one had seen. It
wasn’t that big of a deal, and he knew no one could read his mind or anything, but he still
worried. Something small could be heavily blown out of proportion. Along with being a
werewolf, Remus was carrying quite a few secrets. “Perhaps you ought to study for the
exam.”

“Oh, please—” Sirius cut himself short as he saw James glaring at something just behind his
shoulder. Sirius turned, and saw the back of Snape and his friends walking away, still
sniggering to themselves.

“Idiots.” James muttered.

“I think they saw you two,” Peter said to Remus and Sirius.

“Oh, great.” Sirius muttered.

“Who cares. It wasn’t that weird.” Remus said, although his heart rate had sped up. Having
feelings for his best friend, Remus found, was definitely not great. Everything he did out of
friendship seemed to take on another, more romantic spin in his mind. Of course, to the
outsider, they looked merely like close friends, but that was not the story that played through
Remus’ head. Remus let himself look at Sirius’ profile for a moment. He was quiet as he ate
his breakfast, silvery eyes trained on his eggs, but he looked up just in time to watch James’s
face light up.

“Sirius, truth or dare?” James asked him, an evil grin on his face that Remus was far too
familiar with.

“Truth or dare?” Lily asked, not expecting this turn in the conversation.

“Sometimes, when they get bored they randomly start truth or dare games. They’re usually
short lived, but it’s always a good opportunity for pranks. It’s pretty fun,” Peter explained,
although he said the last bit as though he didn’t think it was all that fun.

“C’mon, Pete. You do have fun sometimes,” said Remus.

“Sometimes being the important word in that sentence.” Peter muttered. He turned to Lily.
“One year, they played a truth or dare game every week. Once a week you’d suddenly get it
sprung on you! It’s actually a little scary…”

“Was that fifth year? When Sirius made a makeshift parachute with Droobles Best Blowing
Gum and jumped from the rafters at dinner?” Lily asked.

“Yep.” Sirius replied nonchalantly. “Got in loads of trouble for that. Rem, remember when
we made you go skinny dipping with the Giant Squid?”

“I wish I didn’t remember,” Remus grumbled.

“Aw, it was funny!”

“It wasn’t funny when the Head Boy saw me and told McGonagall and she came down and I
had to get out of the lake, in front of her, naked. I’m not sure she’s ever been so angry at me.”
Peter let out a loud laugh, then covered his mouth as Remus glared at him. “Sorry. Why
didn’t you tell us about that? We thought you just chickened out.”

“I was embarrassed!”

“Oi! I asked Mr. Padfoot here a very serious question. So, Sirius? Truth or dare?” James
prodded.

“Dare.” As a rule, Sirius tended to always choose dare. They didn’t play the game often, and
it usually only lasted about a day or two, so he wanted to have the most fun he could have.

“Sirius, I dare you to—” he leaned over so they were closer and he could whisper “—pretend
to date Remus until you’ve convinced the entire school.”

Remus quite literally froze, fork in his hand, eyes wide and panic began to build in his
stomach. What was he going to do?

“What? ” Sirius was suddenly wishing he’d picked truth. Remus looked over at Sirius
nervously.

“Yeah, it’ll be fun. And it’ll annoy Snape, which is generally the thing I strive most for in my
life.” James said. Lily rolled her eyes.

“Er, okay. Do we just like announce it to the school or…?” Sirius asked, purposefully
avoiding the brown eyes that he felt boring a hole into his head.

“No, just let them figure it out. Hold hands, use cute pet names, stuff like that. They might
just think you’re being weird but eventually they’ll figure it out.”

Sirius took a deep breath, preparing himself for what he would consider simply a role to play.
He slipped his hand into Remus’s and cozied up to him again, placing his head back onto his
shoulder. Remus had thrown a deep red hand-knit sweater over his uniform that morning, his
robe stuffed hastily into his bag. The yarn was scratchy under Sirius’s cheek, but it smelled
like him. The scratchy-ness was worth it; Sirius thought that Remus looked adorable in that
sweater.

“Remus, dear, ” he stopped to glare at James, “why can’t you just give me all the answers to
the exam, since you’re so smart and all.”

“Hm, boyfriend Sirius acts a lot like friend Sirius,” joked Remus, his shoulders relaxing a bit
under Sirius.

“Well, I hope you didn’t expect me to change just because we’re dating now,” Sirius acted
hurt, looking up at Remus through his eyelashes.
“Of course not, I love you just the way you are,” Remus said, meaning it much more than his
voice carried it across.

“You love me?” Sirius squealed.

“You two are moving fast.” Lily muttered.

“I’m so glad we all have Transfiguration together,” sighed James, still grinning widely.

Sirius and Remus walked to class hand in hand, though people hardly paid them any mind.
Everyone expected the Marauders to do strange things, and holding hands with each other
was probably near the bottom of that list.

“Do you think James will make us kiss?” Remus asked, as they neared the classroom. He
tried to keep his voice light. The two boys had fallen back, behind the group. James and Lily
led the way, Peter between them.

“I’m not sure,” Sirius answered honestly. “Would you mind?”

Remus felt like his heart had been flipped inside out. “I don’t know. It’s just a dare, I
suppose.”

“Yeah.”

They fell silent. Remus was silently cursing at himself in his head. I don’t know. Idiot. Of
course you know .

When they arrived at the transfiguration classroom, Lily grabbed Sirius’ wrist to hold him
back.

“I had an idea. For your little dare thing,” said Lily.

“Ooo, Lily Evans being mischievous? Who would have thought!” Sirius teased, grinning at
her.

Lily rolled her eyes. “I am very mischievous, thank you very much. Anyway, I think you
should write little love notes and throw them at Remus all class.” Lily said.

“Nice. Like I made James do to you that one time last year?” Sirius asked.

“Something like that.”

“Brilliant. That was pretty funny,” Sirius chuckled, remembering the way little piles of love
notes followed Lily around nearly every class.

“Don’t tell James, but I actually kept all of them. They’re in a little box in my room,” Lily
admitted, cheeks flushing.

“No way , James would literally die if you told him that. He thought you’d burned them!”
Sirius clapped his hands, grinning. “Oh Lils, please can I tell him? Please, please?”

“Sirius! Absolutely not.” Lily flushed a deeper red and turned to walk into class, Sirius hot on
her heels, still whispering.

“Lily, Lily, Lily. Please?”

“Go sit down,” she snapped at him under her breath.

Sirius took his seat next to Remus, but kept shooting Lily pleading glances as McGonagall
did her usual pre-test spiel at the front of the room. He was quite sure Lily was still blushing.

Compare and contrast human transfiguration spells and the abilities of a Metamorphagus. It
was an easy enough question, in Remus’ opinion, but he’d hardly put quill to paper before a
small ball of paper landed on his test. He glanced over at Sirius, and found him bent over a
whole army of love notes he was hastily writing, tongue just peeking out between his teeth.

Remus opened the note, and saw “ Hi Moony ” was written on it, along with several little
hearts. He tried hard not to grin like an idiot, but couldn’t stop the blush that he knew was
creeping up his cheeks. It was pretty adorable. Their performance was obviously overdone
for the dare’s sake, but Remus had to admit he was kind of enjoying himself.

He’d finished the first question, and was working on the next when Sirius sent over a few
more notes. He'd levitated them over, so they were rather more controlled than the first one.
Remus unfolded these too, and began to read:

I like your sweater today. Very adorable. <3

Hey babe. Do you know the answer to number three??

(does this count as a love note?????)

Are you feeling okay?

You look alright (more than alright hehe ;) ), but just want to make sure.

You left the hospital wing so early this morning!

 I can help you cheat if you need it (what can I say, I’m a romantic guy).

Remus wasn’t sure either of the last two counted as love notes, but he appreciated the effort
all the same (also he wasn’t sure he’d ever recover from Sirius calling him babe , even if it
was just in a letter. Fucking hell ).

The letters continued for a few more minutes, Remus becoming more and more panicked as
he realized he was hardly getting anything done because of Sirius distracting him (which was
practically the story of his life). He was just starting to scrawl out his own note (something
along the lines of: thanks for the notes but also i’ve only answered three questions and i
actually need to finish this exam and so do you!! ) when he saw McGonagall approaching
from the corner of his eye. She stopped between Sirius and Remus’ desks, and watched with
a frown as a note that had been floating lazily over to Remus stopped abruptly, and landed on
the floor.

“Mr. Black, what on earth are you doing?” She sounded tired, after spending the past seven
years uttering that same phrase over and over.

“Sending Remus notes.”

“I can see that, thank you.”

“Then why’d you ask?” Sirius was leant back in his chair, two legs off the ground.

“Mr. Black! That’s a detention. Stop sending Mr. Lupin notes. Cheating is not allowed, as I’m
sure you know. And please sit normally—I can and will spell your chair legs to the floor.”

“Alright. Although I’m sure you know I have no reason to cheat off of Mr. Lupin , I’m only
giving him some moral support. He’s ill, you know. Spent all last night in the hospital wing.”

Sirius wasn’t technically allowed to know of Remus’ lycanthropy, and his lie seemed to work
well enough on McGonagall, though her eyes were still narrowed suspiciously.

“I was aware of that, thank you. Remus, are you well enough to finish your exam this
morning?”

Remus could feel several eyes on him, and he sank lower in his chair. “Yes, Professor.”

“Wonderful. Can you hand me those notes so I can confirm that neither of you are
cheating?”

Remus froze. “Er, I’ll just put them away if that’s alright. They’re personal.”

McGonagall looked between the two of them, seemingly weighing her options. She bent
down and picked up the note that hadn’t made it to Remus’ desk. Remus felt on the verge of
vomiting as she unfolded it and slowly read. With a hmph , McGonagall folded up the note
and placed it on Remus’ desk. “No more passing notes in my class.”

After class, and a stern talk with McGonagall, Sirius pulled Remus through the crowd to
catch up to the others. Lily and Peter had Herbology next so they split away from the group
 when they passed the front doors.

“Surprised you didn’t get in trouble for your note passing in Minnie’s class. Were they that
bad?” James asked, throwing an arm around Remus.

“What d’you mean?” Remus asked, brows furrowed.

“Y’know. Dirty. Like—oh, I’ll give you an example.” James cleared his throat, and his voice
took on a breathy kind of tone. “ Oh, Moony, I just can’t stop thinking about the other night.
Remember when you f—”

“That’s enough of that!” Sirius exclaimed loudly.

Remus ducked out from under James to punch him in the arm. James just kept grinning.
“You, James Potter, are an absolute prick.”

“Well, what did they say?”

Remus flushed, thinking of the way Sirius had called him adorable. And babe. Hey babe.
LIke it was nothing, casual. For one brief, traitorous second, Remus imagined Sirius calling
him babe for real, when he actually meant it. Hey babe.

“Oooh, he’s blushing!” James exclaimed, which, naturally, only made Remus blush harder.

“Oi, Prongs, truth or dare?” Sirius asked.

“Dare.”

“I dare you to shut the fuck up.” This started a fight between the two, and Remus was quickly
left behind as James made a swipe at Sirius, who ducked and ran off, James close on his tail.

Sirius and James gone, Remus took the opportunity to read the note McGonagall had picked
up. Remus had stuffed it quickly in his pocket, and the paper was crumpled. In his careful,
aristocratic calligraphy, Sirius had written “ Moons—you’re the most gorgeous boy I’ve ever
seen.”

Remus heard Sirius’ loud laughter reverberate through the hallway, and wondered how he
was going to survive this dare.

Chapter End Notes

Hi :) hope you had fun. I cannot guarantee a speedy update, because I literally have so
much to do (so much. Book editing, several essays, and other random stuff awaits me),
but there will be one because I did enjoy writing this, and I have ideas for the plot. A
note about the truth or dare thing. It isn't like a whole event for them or anything, it's just
kinda something they do randomly for fun. It won't be a big part of the story, as James
really only wanted to do that one dare. There might be a few more sprinkled in though
for fun. Pls kudos this and comment ! If u plan on commenting, just know I love you <3
 a great sadness in your future
Chapter Notes

Hello !!! I have no idea how the Hogwarts school schedule works. Maybe I should, but
alas I do not. They do have somewhat of a schedule, I just have no clue if it's realistic.

EDITED: 5.30.21
surprise! I'm sick today so I had lots of extra editing time. woop woop (also I'm leaving
all my original notes on these chapters so if it doesn't say "edited" before it then it's one
of the og ones)

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“ Should I tear my eyes out now?

Everything I see returns to you somehow.”

— “the only thing,” sufjan stevens

Lunch passed in a blur, but a few moments stood out to Sirius. As a group of Hufflepuff’s
passed their table, Sirius looped his arm around Remus’ waist and pulled him close—close
enough to where Sirius could feel his gentle breaths through his school robe and thick woolen
sweater. As he lent his head on Remus’ shoulder, Sirius watched James smirk and glance
over at Peter, who was biting his bottom lip, trying not to laugh.

“Something funny?” Sirius asked, an eyebrow raised challengingly. Something seemed off
about it, though he couldn’t quite put his finger on it in the moment. He ignored them, and
thought about how he wished he could burrow deeper and deeper into Remus’ wool sweater.

Feeling brave, Sirius slipped his hand into Remus’.

“Why are your hands so cold?” Sirius murmured, moving a bit so he could hold Remus’ hand
in both of his.

“It’s December, Pads. Not to mention it’s around the time of my—my problem. The real
question is why your hands are so warm.”

“Well, as I’m sure you know, I do have a pretty nice fur coat. Keeps me warm enough.”
Sirius grinned up at him. Remus rolled his eyes, but smiled all the same.

“You’re ridiculous.”
“No, I’m Sirius . Forgot my name, love?”

“My point still stands.”

Sirius saw that James and Peter were still watching them quietly chat with each other, the two
exchanging suspiciously happy glances, chuckling quietly. It reminded him of earlier, and he
tried to remember what was bothering him about it.

Later, however, as he, James, and Lily crossed the lawn to Care of Magical Creatures, it hit
him—rather like that bludger had in his first ever Quidditch game.

Sirius stopped dead in his tracks, then ran to catch up with his friends, cornering them just
before they reached the rest of the students gathered at the edge of the forest.

“You!” Sirius exclaimed, rounding on James.

“Me?” James asked hesitantly.

“Prongs, I can’t bloody believe you. Lils, did you know about this?” Sirius then rounded on
Lily. She shook her head, confused.

“Maybe if I knew what you were talking about…”

“James. Last month, Wormtail and Moony had gone to bed, and you made me tell you. You
know, about—about him. And now, you’ve gone and done this bloody dare? What if he
figured it out?”

“Isn’t that the whole point, Pads? I mean, you weren’t going to crush on him your whole life,
right?”

“I would have, actually. What about the group? Imagine if we broke up? Not to mention my
family. I mean, fucking hell , what would they think?”

“You’d stay friends, I suppose. And you don’t have to worry about your family. You’re a part
of my family now.” James shrugged. “Besides, it’s not like he’s a stranger. He’s your best
mate. I can’t imagine you wouldn’t be able to patch things up.” Sirius opened his mouth, but
James held up a hand to silence him. “Listen, Sirius, you know I didn’t do this to upset you.
From this moment on, I solemnly swear to be the absolute best wingman in the world. I can
even talk to him if you’d like.”

“Hold on, hold on,” Lily interrupted their moment. “Sirius, you’ve actually got a crush on
Remus?”

“Lily!” he hissed, glancing around to make sure no one was in hearing range of them.
Deeming the coast clear, Sirius spoke again, in a whisper, “keep your voice down. But, uh,
yes, I do.”

“Keep my voice down? You’ve been practically on top of him all day. I’m actually surprised
the whole school isn’t buzzing about it yet.”
“Merlin, don’t remind me.”

“Paaaads? Do you accept me as your wingman?” James inquired again. Sirius regarded him
suspiciously for a moment.

He sighed. “ Fine, Yes. Who else would I choose?”

They went to join their class, Sirius falling uncharacteristically quiet as he walked.

“Did you tell Wormtail?” he asked eventually.

“Yeah, I told him last night about the dare—the liking Remus bit. I mean, he already knew
you were into blokes, after the Gideon Prewett incident last year, and he was starting to
suspect you liked Remus. You’re not all the subtle about it, if I’m being honest. He thought
the dare was pretty funny. I can’t help but agree.”

“Oh, definitely hilarious . My heart’s been beating so fast all day, I might quite literally give
myself a heart attack before the day is over.”

“You’re not mad, are you?” James asked. “About me telling Pete?”

Sirius threw an arm around James and ruffled his already messy hair. “Nah, s’alright.
Besides, he’s a Marauder, I’d have told him soon anyway.”

He didn’t have to elaborate more, James (and Lily, from years of being around them)
understood that the bond between the Marauders was more than just regular friendship. There
was deep love there, even if they (being teenage boys) wouldn’t outright admit it, connecting
the four of them. They told each other everything—there were no secrets between the
Marauders. Now there were , Sirius thought guiltily.

In class that day, Professor Kettleburn had them studying Nifflers. Each small group got a
Niffler that they were meant to draw and label, in review for their final exam the next week.
In Sirius, James, and Lily’s group, however, it turned mostly into Sirius and James playing
with the Niffler, while Lily desperately tried to keep them on task.

“Come on, we have to be writing stuff down,” said Lily, irritated. She watched Sirius flip a
small coin towards the Niffler, who jumped at it gleefully.

“We’re studying them, Lils. We can write things down later. Besides, you have to be nice to
me today.” Sirius said, pouting at Lily from across their little circle.

“Why?” Lily asked, picking up the Niffler, who was trying to dig through her bag. She took a
moment to observe its ears before scrawling something down on her parchment and putting
the Niffler back on the ground.

“Well, for starters, you should be nice to me everyday just because. But also, thanks to your
boyfriend, I’ve been having an incredibly stressful day.”
“Oh, please, you’re loving it.” James said, rolling his eyes.

“That’s completely beside the point,” said Sirius stiffly, though he was trying his hardest to
keep his face impassive, and not give in to the smile that was threatening to break through at
any moment.

Secretly, he was loving it, but it was rather bittersweet—Remus wasn’t really his, but he was
able to pretend, and say things he wouldn’t ever say if they weren’t doing this silly prank. He
thought of the note McGonagall had read that morning; the one that he’d written for Remus.

Moons—you’re the most gorgeous boy I’ve ever seen .

He was the most gorgeous boy he’d ever seen, but was it wrong to say so if they weren’t
really dating? Would Remus know he meant it? How much he meant it? Sirius had a sudden
ache in his heart, a desire to walk right up to Remus, snog him senseless, and tell him just
how much he meant it. “ The most gorgeous boy I’ve ever seen …” He imagined himself
saying, lips inches away from Remus’, thumbs trailing the length of his jawline.

Shaking off his impulsive thoughts, Sirius went back to absentmindedly sketching his Niffler.
It was a very good thing Remus didn’t take Care of Magical Creatures, Sirius realised.
Otherwise, he may have just made an incredibly bad, reckless decision. Remus didn’t like
him, couldn’t like him. They were friends—they’d only ever be friends. He told himself that
over and over, a mantra he’d been repeating since they were thirteen and Remus had won a
race around the lake against James (who insisted there had been cheating involved). As he’d
collapsed, laughing, on the grass next to Sirius, he couldn’t help but look at him. Remus’
cheeks had been flushed, hair mussed from the wind, a real, unbridled grin on his face and
green eyes shining in the sun—gorgeous.

Remus doesn’t like me. We’re friends. Friends, friends, friends, friends—

After class, Remus and Lily met up in the Great Hall to go to Divination together. He and
Sirius had just had a rather awkward hug in the midst of the throng of students, which was
wildly cheered on by James (much to their embarrassment).

“James seems far too excited about this whole dare,” Remus said later, as he and Lily walked
up the stairs. A few portraits behind them, Sir Cadogan was running wildly in an attempt to
catch up. His shouts of “ m’lady!! ” and “ sir!! ” were fading as he lost energy.

“Yeah. I reckon he’s just bored.” They were quiet a moment. Remus felt that Lily knew more
than she was letting on, and was just about to prod her some more when she spoke again.
“What if you pranked him? Get some revenge.”

Remus grinned, momentarily distracted from her odd behavior. “Oh, brilliant. It’ll have to be
something he really hates, otherwise he’ll probably just enjoy himself the whole time.” They
laughed.
“Are you enjoying it?” Lily asked then, after a moment. “The fake dating Sirius thing, I
mean.” She was looking sideways at Remus in a way that made him feel like she was staring
into his soul. Remus tried to avoid her gaze. He was glad they had made it to the trapdoor
into class.

“Oh, er, I don’t know. It isn’t so bad, since we’re friends and all.”

Lily said nothing, and they entered the class through the trapdoor. Their teacher, Professor
Nitt, wasn’t there yet when Lily and Remus took their seats in the back of the class. They
were sat next to Mary MacDonald and Hestia Jones, two of their other seventh year
Gryffindor friends. The four made idle talk until Professor Nitt arrived.

When she did, shawl wrapped tight around her bony shoulders and blue eyes scanning all the
faces in the room, Remus tried to sink down in his seat. Remus always made Lily sit in the
back with him because he thought it would deter Nitt from constantly prophesying about
him.

Alas, his attempts were in vain.

Immediately, her eyes turned and landed on Remus, who was pretending to be very interested
in his textbook, sat so low in his chair he was practically hanging off of it.

“Oh, Mr. Lupin,” her voice was high-pitched as she walked over to him, “I fear there is great
sadness in your future…”

“Uh oh, is his boyfriend going to break up with him?” whispered one of the Ravenclaws. Nitt
glared at the girl for interrupting her, and Remus blushed.

“Like I was saying. Something you are dreading will come soon…”

“Goodness, something I’m dreading? There’s actually quite a list of things I’m dreading,
Professor. Did your third eye give you any specifics?” Remus snapped at her, straightening
up in his seat. He always made an effort to be kind to all his teachers, but Nitt had a habit of
getting under his skin—Perhaps he’d be a bit nicer if she predicted someone else's death or
great sadness for once.

“That is all I know.” Remus could tell Nitt was getting annoyed with him as well. “I have
warned you now. Class, please put away your books, you won’t need them. Today we will be
looking into the crystal ball…” her voice tapered off as she walked to the cupboard of crystal
ball’s, passing one out to each table.

This was always a fun lesson, because it meant Lily and Remus could do absolutely nothing
the whole time. Of course, they did want to pass, so they tried their hardest to at least to play
along a little.

“I think I see...erm, a great sadness in your future. Perhaps… something you’ve been
dreading?” Lily told Remus, squinting at the foggy crystal ball in front of her. She looked up
at him with a grin, to which Remus responded with a roll of his eyes.
“Wonderful, can’t wait,” Remus deadpanned. He looked into the ball himself, seeing only his
face, distorted and pale, reflected back at him. “In your future, I see you going to bed, and uh,
then waking up in the morning.”

“Oh, well that’s good,” said Lily. They laughed, gaining them a glare from Nitt, before
writing down their predictions.

“Anything else? Perhaps the thing I’m dreading?” Remus asked. Lily contemplated a
moment, although it didn’t seem like she was looking for answers in the crystal ball as her
eyes remained firmly glued to his.

“The thing you’re dreading…hm—perhaps that Sirius is going to find out you have a crush
on him?”

Remus froze, the grin on his face sliding off.

“Oh. That’s...interesting,” he said, staring at his hands, gangly and scarred, clasped together
on the table.

“Is it wrong?” Lily’s voice was gentle.

“No, no you’re right. Don’t tell anyone, promise? I haven’t told anyone, so Merlin knows
how you figured it out.”

“I promise that I won’t tell anyone. Also, how dare you question my third eye. I know
because I looked in the crystal ball, obviously .” Remus gave her a weak smile. “Only joking.
I’ve just been watching—did you know you practically…light up when you see him? You get
all smiley and soft and gentle and you stumble on your words.”

Remus blushed, and let his head fall down on his hands. Lily was right. Lily was always
right.

“Are you going to tell him?” she asked.

“I dunno.” Remus’ voice was muffled by his hands.

“I think you should.” She spoke so clearly, so certainly, that Remus raised his head from his
hands to peer at her.

“Really? I can’t risk our friendship like that. It would be silly.”

“Remus.”

“Yes?” his voice sounded small.

“You two are best friends.” Lily said. She didn’t want to entirely give up Sirius’s secret, but
she thought it might help them a bit if she hinted at his feelings. “What if he feels the same?”

“I can’t imagine he does. He’s got every bloody boy in the school to choose from—surely
he’s not going to go for me.”
 “The crystal ball says that’s bullshit,” Lily said, crossing her arms and sitting back in her
chair.

“It’s not!” Remus’ retort was louder than he’d meant it to be, and they were threatened with
detention by Professor Nitt before returning to their conversation, now in voices just above a
whisper. “He’d tell me if he liked me. This is Sirius Black we’re talking about; he’s not
exactly shy about who he’s into. Remember the Gideon Prewett incident? At the Halloween
party last year?”

Lily waved a hand dismissively. “Yeah, yeah, but what if he didn’t really like those people?
It’s easy to pretend, but it’s harder when it comes to real feelings. Maybe he just didn’t like
them as much as he likes you. This is Sirius Black we’re talking about,” Lily parroted back at
him, “he’s not exactly forthcoming with his deepest darkest feelings, is he?”

“Well, I guess not.” Remus frowned. He thought of those bloody notes from Transfiguration.
They were still in his bag, tucked between the pages of one of his notebooks. “But I…I don’t
know…”

“S’okay, Remus,” Lily reached out to take one of his hands in hers. “You don’t have to say
anything to him right this minute, but don’t put it out of your mind completely. All I’m
saying is that he might feel the same.”

The thought of confronting Sirius made Remus want to throw up, so he thought he’d leave it
for a bit until he worked up enough confidence. Sitting there, hand in hand with Lily, looking
into her hopeful eyes, he felt for the first time that perhaps his feelings for Sirius could turn
into something real after all.

Chapter End Notes

Hello again. I hope you liked the chapter :). I do have ideas about the prank Remus is
going to have James do, and it'll probably be introduced in the next chapter, although
might not be actually done in that chapter. Have a good morning/afternoon/night
 the secret chocolate stash
Chapter Notes

good evening! (I say, as it nears 11 pm lol). So my pre-notes for this chapter are that I've
kinda changed some characters ages and such. First, I've mentioned Bertha Jorkins who,
according to Sirius in Goblet of Fire (I'm p sure), was a few years older than them. Since
they're in their last year, she would have been out by then, so we're just going to pretend
she's the same age. This is probably the only time she'll be mentioned so it's alright.
SecondlY, I've decided to make Frank and Alice Longbottom the same age as the
Marauders, because I think it would be cool and no one really knows for sure how old
they were anyway. That is all have fun :)

EDITED: 6.4.21
hi besties sorry this took a few days. this chapter needed so much work. (so much). still
not entirely sure I love it but it's better now. also there's this bit I added where Sirius
jokingly tells Lily that Peter has a tail. He does in fact mean an actual tail. I feel like the
convo seems random but it comes from the fact that he /does/ have a tail (which lily
doesn't know ofc) bc he turns into a rat. not sure this description helps much, in fact it's
probably more confusing, but that's okay. enjoy new and improved chapter three. (also
omg this fic hit 10k hits the other day !! love you all mwah.)

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“ You touched my hand and you smiled

All the way back you held out your hand

If I hope and if I pray

Ooh it might work out someday ”

— “seven wonders,” fleetwood mac

“I hate potions,” grumbled Peter, dragging his feet on the old flagstones.

“You’re certainly not the worst in the class, Pete,” Lily said comfortingly. Then she shrugged.
“Besides, all the instructions are written out on the board, you just have to follow them.”

Peter stopped his pouting to glare at her. “Easy for you to say! Y’know, sometimes I mix up
my lefts and rights and then I’ll have to mix the potion one way but do it the other and then
it’s all messed up…”
“What?” asked James. Peter looked up at him.

“That doesn’t happen to you?”

“Er...”

After Divination, Lily and Remus had rejoined the others in the Great Hall so they could all
head down to the dungeons together. Sirius felt his heart flutter when he saw Remus again,
thinking back to his daydream from Care of Magical Creatures—the way he’d kissed Fantasy
Remus, the way he’d touched the soft, faintly freckled skin on his face. Sirius knew he was
blushing when James and Peter forced them to walk next to each other, and he knew his blush
only got worse when he felt the back of Remus’ fingers brush against his—light and soft, like
petals or butterfly wings.

Potions was their last class of the day and Sirius could tell that everyone was buzzing with an
energy that only the end of class and an upcoming weekend could bring. Though it was the
next weekend, talk was already beginning to fly around the school about the last Hogsmeade
visit before winter break, and one could almost taste the excitement in the air. Sirius heard
two girls whispering about who they were going to ask on a date to Hogsmeade, and he
briefly wondered if he’d have to take Remus, for the dare (or maybe for real, though he didn’t
let himself think too long on that train of thought).

“So, boys, how are we going to celebrate this fine Friday afternoon?” James asked.

“Sleep?” Sirius suggested, suddenly feeling the past 24 hours weighing down on him like a
thick, warm blanket—one that he wanted to curl up and sleep under for a week.

“Sleep? I thought you were going to help me study for our Charms exam. You know, since
you’re my boyfriend and all.” Remus tried to say boyfriend loud enough that the people
around him could hear. It worked somewhat, as a few students nearby turned their heads to
look at them.

“Oh, no,” groaned Sirius, who was genuinely a bit miffed. He had wanted to take a nap. “You
don’t even need help studying, you’re just being annoying. Besides, the exam is like…a
whole week away. That’s forever.”

“Annoying?” Remus repeated, an eyebrow raised. “If that’s how you feel…”

Realizing his poor choice of words, Sirius blanched. “Oh, no I didn’t mean that . You’re not
annoying. In fact, I’ll help you. I’d love to help you study, really!” Sirius rambled, barely
thinking as he reached out to grab Remus’ hand. He’d hardly even realized he’d done it, but
when Sirius tried to pull his hand away (in case he’d made him uncomfortable), Remus held
on tight.

Remus felt as Sirius stiffened beside him, trying once to jerk his hand away. Remus held on,
letting his thumb brush against Sirius’ soft skin. “It’s okay,” Remus said gently.
He wasn’t sure if he was talking about the studying anymore.

They were all quiet for a while, and before long they’d made it to Slughorn’s classroom,
waiting for him outside the door.

Remus cleared his throat. “If you study with me, Pads, I’ll make sure it’s worth your while.”

Sirius relaxed a bit more and barked out a laugh. “Oh will you? And how will you do that Mr.
Lupin?”

“A whole chocolate bar.”

“From the stash?”

“From the stash.”

“The secret chocolate stash?” Peter looked wide-eyed between them. “He must really like
you, Padfoot.”

Sirius shrugged, playing at nonchalance despite his flushed cheeks. “I should hope he likes
me, Wormy. He is my boyfriend after all.”

“So romantic.” James put a hand over his heart and pretended to swoon. All four descended
into laughter, but were silenced by a glare from Professor Slughorn, who had arrived to
unlock the door.

“What are you four laughing at?” he asked, knowing full well that four laughing Marauders
generally meant nothing good.

“Oh, nothing Professor.” James said, smiling innocently. “Only excited for today’s potions
class!”

Slughorn grumbled, then went about ushering everyone inside, giving out smiles and
awkward shoulder pats to his star students. He praised Snape on his excellent grade from the
last paper they wrote, and he told Lily that she’d gotten the top grade in the past exam. When
the Marauders walked through the doors, however, Slughorn studiously ignored them, opting
instead to look to the next student in line—“ Ah! Mulciber, wonderful…”

“Ah, when will Sluggy reciprocate our love?” James asked wistfully, as the four settled into
their usual seats at the back of the class.

Remus wrinkled his nose. “ Our love? I think that’s all you, mate.”

Slughorn introduced the potion they were making that day, writing out the ingredients on the
board with his wand, before sitting behind his desk to let everyone prepare their ingredients.

Lily was sitting with her friends Alice Brown and Marlene McKinnon, two other seventh
year Gryffindors.
“Frank was telling me that he overheard Bertha Jorkins telling her friends that Sirius and
Remus are dating. He said he didn’t believe her, he does share a room with them after all, and
probably knows them better than Bertha, but I figured I’d ask you.” Alice said, beginning to
carefully cut her dandelion root. Alice was dating Frank Longbottom, who did indeed share a
room with the Marauders.

“Bertha is known to spread rumors.” Lily cleared her throat, “but she wasn’t wrong this
time.” It didn’t feel quite right to be sharing such private information, let alone something
that was a lie, but she supposed part of the dare was convincing the entire school.

“Really? That’s interesting. Not the biggest surprise though, I’d say.” Alice grinned. “I’m
mostly shocked everyone isn’t talking about it yet.”

“That’s what I told them! I say it’ll be spreading like wildfire by dinner.”

“Oh, definitely. Y’know, sometimes I wonder how rumors do spread so fast here. I bet it’s the
portraits…” Alice eyed an old man sleeping in his portrait suspiciously. Lily laughed at her
and soon they were both giggling.

“Whatcha laughing at?” asked Marlene McKinnon, another of their friends sitting at their
table. She was cutting up her own dandelion root, curly blonde hair tied back messily, strands
of it escaping and framing her face.

“Sirius and Remus are dating,” Alice said, before Lily could even open her mouth.

“Oh, really?” Marlene asked, finally looking up. She looked at Lily for confirmation—Lily
nodded.

“Yeah, it’s uh, pretty recent.” She cleared her throat, hoping to steer the conversation
somewhere different. Lily thought about anything and everything she could start a
conversation about, and eventually landed on something she thought was promising. “Oh,
Marls, I saw Hestia earlier in Divination,” she said casually.

“Funny that. You know, I saw her this morning, when we woke up in the same dorm, then
later at breakfast, when we sat together, and then later—” Marlene said dryly.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it. I only meant that when I saw her, she said something about you,” Lily
said, “she said you guys had an interesting conversation yesterday, but that I’d have to ask
about you about it and I was only wondering if—”

“Oh, Merlin, Marls, did you finally tell her that you’re like, practically in love with her?”
Alice gasped, eyes wide. Lily rolled her eyes, having intended to phrase it a little gentler than
that.

Marlene looked between the two girls, lips pursed, before her face broke out in a big smile.
“Yeah, I did.”

Lily and Alice squealed, causing a few people to turn and look at them curiously. Marlene
shushed them. “Bloody hell, don’t tell the whole school!” she hissed.
“Sorry, sorry. What happened?” Lily asked, quieter this time.

“I might have asked her to be my girlfriend.” There was a pause. Marlene grinned. “And
well, she may have said yes…”

They squealed again, and this time Marlene did nothing to stop them.

Back a few tables, Sirius was glaring at his potion.

“Just because you glare at it, doesn’t mean anything’s going to happen,” Remus told him,
watching as Sirius’s potion bubbled an angry red color. “You need to add more bat spleen, I
think. Prongs?”

James peered into his friend’s cauldron and nodded.

“Yeah, some bat spleen should do it.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” said Peter, rolling his eyes.

“Hey! I watched Padfoot cut up that bat spleen and it wasn’t nearly enough. The board says
two spleens, and believe it or not, I can read.” James said indignantly.

“Really? I would have never guessed.” Sirius muttered, cutting up another bat spleen. He
threw it in, and his potion turned neon green, not the pale blue that was the end goal.
“Moony! You said that would work!” he groaned.

“Sorry! Erm,” Remus flipped through his potions book, running a hand through his hair.
Then, he grabbed some of his extra dandelion root and threw it into Sirius’s cauldron. It faded
into a dark blue. “You’ll need to stir it counter-clockwise uh, five times, then it should be
fine.”

“Aw, thanks Moony.” Sirius threw his arms around Remus.

“Oh. You’re welcome.” Remus almost whispered. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to Sirius
being touchy like that.

“What d’you think the girls are squealing about over there?” Peter asked, looking over at
Marlene, Alice, and Lily’s table—all three girls had big smiles on their faces.

“Who bloody knows,” Sirius grumbled. “Oh! It’s turning brown; why is it turning brown?
Moony!”

“See you two! Enjoy your studying date.” Lily waved as they all parted ways at the mouth of
the dungeons. Most everyone was going back to the common room, and Sirius watched them
leave longingly. Despite the promise of chocolate, he was still thinking of that nap he could
have had.
“I’m surprised you even wanted to study today, you know, considering your furry little
problem and all,” Sirius told Remus as they began walking towards the library.

“Oh, I didn’t really. I just wanted to see if you’d actually agree to it.” Remus said, shrugging.
Sirius gaped at him.

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Bloody hell, Moons. Do I still get the chocolate?”

“Yeah, you can have the chocolate. I have to grab a book from the library so the chocolate
can be your payment.”

“Brilliant.” Sirius didn’t say it, but despite his grumbling and complaining, he would have
done anything Remus asked him without anything in return, even if it cost him sleep.
However, the chocolate was being offered so he supposed it didn’t hurt to accept it.

Sirius was quiet, and Remus was considering reaching out to take Sirius’ hand again. He was
still thinking of the way it had felt earlier—soft and warm and safe. Just as he went to reach
out, he felt Sirius purposefully brush the back of their hands together. Remus glanced over at
Sirius’ profile, and felt as he wordlessly looped his pinky finger around Remus’.

Remus looked down at their connected pinky’s, but said nothing.

They walked like that until they reached the library, making some conversation along the
way, but had to disconnect so Remus could search for the book he needed. Sirius followed
him around diligently, rather like an overprotective puppy until they were back in the halls,
book tucked away in Remus’s bag.

They’d started to hold hands sometime after leaving the library.

The two boys chatted idly as they walked, passing several secret passageways on their way
but going right past them, neither wanting to shorten their time together.

“I thought of a good prank for James to do,” Remus said. “It’s to get him back for the dare,
though I’m worried he might enjoy himself, which rather defeats the purpose.”

“Oh, tell me, tell me!” Sirius exclaimed.

“Well, I thought he could get Moaning Myrtle down from her bathroom and into the Great
Hall. I haven’t thought of something for her to do yet, but it’ll come to me,” Remus
explained, grinning at the thought of it. James was one of the more-disliked Marauders in
Myrtle’s book, and Remus was sure James would bemoan that fact when Remus told him
about the prank later.
“That’s genius. Maybe Myrtle could follow Snape around all dinner? Or one of the
teachers?”

They discussed possibilities for the prank until they arrived at the Fat Lady, nearly doubled
over in laughter. The Fat Lady was deep in conversation with one of her friends (a witch in a
very pointy hat from a few portraits over) but paused to look down at them, irritated with the
boys as she so often was.

“Password?” She sounded bored, voice edging on annoyed.

“Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans,” gasped Sirius, recovering slightly from his laughing fit.
The portrait swung open.

The common room was much warmer and cozier than the cold halls outside. The December
chill had not made its way in yet, and a fire burned happily in the large fireplace. James and
Peter were sitting on their usual couch, a game of Wizard’s Chess balanced precariously
between them on the cushions. Lily was sitting on the ground by James, leant up against his
legs, her homework spread out on the coffee table.

Remus immediately crossed the room to collapse into his favorite armchair, murmuring
hello’s to his friends as he sat down.

“That was fast. Guess it didn’t take you two long to figure out Moony knows much more
about Charms than you do, Pads.” James said, grinning up at his best friend.

“Very funny. I actually know quite a lot about Charms, Prongs . Turns out Moony just needed
to check a book out of the library, and wanted to pull me along. Speaking of, do I get my
chocolate soon?” Sirius asked, looking across at Remus. He was curled up in his chair,
flipping through the library book. It was some extra reading for Charms that he thought might
come in handy for their exams.

Before Remus could responded, Sirius heard a quiet “checkmate” from Peter and then—

“ PETER! ”

Nearly everyone in their vicinity jumped in shock, and Lily turned around to whack James on
the leg with her rolled up parchment.

“James, bloody hell!” she exclaimed.

“Sorry, darling.” James looked miserable, but Peter had a wide grin spread across his face as
he put away his chess pieces. “This little rat wins every fucking time!”

“It’s not very nice to call Peter a rat, James,” Lily chided gently. James glared at Peter, who
stuck out his tongue in response.

“His name is Wormtail,” James pointed out.

“Why do you lot call him Wormtail, anyway?”

“Because he has a tail,” Sirius replied promptly. “It looks like a rat’s. You know, all pink and
long and segmented.”

“I do not have a tail!” Peter blushed. “He’s lying, Lily. I don’t have a tail. What the hell,
Pads?”

“You do too. I’ve seen it.” Sirius shook his head. “He’s in denial, Lily flower, don’t listen to
him.”

James reached out and placed a hand on Peter’s shoulder, grinning. “Poor lad has to magic it
away every day, but we’ve all seen it. Moony’s seen it, haven’t you Moons?”

But whether or not Remus had seen Peter’s hypothetical tail, they did not find out. Curled up
in his red knit sweater, knees pulled up to his chest, and head tucked into the corner of the
chair, Remus Lupin was sound asleep. Sirius marveled again, for the second time that day,
just how peaceful he looked as he slept.

In the brief moment where everyone stared at Remus in silence, he made a little noise and
shifted, dislodging the abandoned Charms book in his lap and sending it towards the ground.

James, the only one with his wand already in his hand, was quick to freeze the book just
before it hit the floor.

“How’d he fall asleep so fast? And in the midst of all that madness?” Lily asked, looking at
the sleeping Remus with furrowed brows.

“Sleeps like the dead, our Moons,” James said, placing the book on the floor by Remus’ bag.

Peter nodded solemnly. “Remus could probably sleep through a Gryffindor party.”

“He almost did once—remember? When we found him curled up on the couch halfway
through Sirius’ rendition of Moonage Daydream and he said he was only ‘resting his eyes’?”

“Should we wake him up?” Lily asked.

“Nah, he should sleep. I’m not surprised, honestly, I thought it was crazy he wanted to spend
this break studying for his exam,” Sirius said, shaking his head fondly.

“Yeah, it didn’t seem very in-character for him right now because…well, you know.” James
said. Lily looked between them.

“Because why?” she asked.

The three (awake) Marauders exchanged glances. Eventually Sirius decided to respond,
fixing Lily with his most charming smile.

“Lils, unfortunately you cannot know what we’re talking about. But I promise it’s really
really boring.”
 “Yeah, you really wouldn’t want to know. It’s uh, super boring.” Peter added enthusiastically.
Lily rolled her eyes.

“You guys are the worst liars. James?” James tried not to make direct eye contact with her,
and bit nervously at the skin on his lip.

“It isn’t my secret so, uh, I can’t really say. Sorry, love.”

“Oh, well, that’s alright. Don’t tell me if it’s a secret. If he wants, Remus can always tell me
himself.” Lily shrugged. After barely a minute’s pause, she looked back up at James. “James,
did McGonagall tell you we have Head Boy and Girl duties tonight?”

“What? She did not tell me. I’m bloody tired of patrolling this school,” he groaned, letting his
head fall back on the cushions.” I think I need a nap too.”

“I second that.” Sirius yawned.

“Third,” said Peter. Lily looked between them, then shook her head.

“You guys are so weird.”

“Aw, thank you Lily.” Sirius said.

“I don’t think that was a compliment, Pads.” James said, still leaning into the pillows behind
him, eyes closed.

“What? Lily, I thought you said you were going to be nice to me today…I’m heartbroken.”
Sirius gasped, hand pressed to his heart.

“You are the most dramatic person I have ever met,”

“Was that a compliment?”

“No.”

“Lily!”

Chapter End Notes

Hi! thanks for reading ily <3

 merlin, his life was crazy
Chapter Notes

good evening!! I'm having a lot of fun writing this fic. I'm not sure if it's 100% accurate,
and I've continued to kinda make stuff up in this chapter lol but it's alright, we're all just
having a good time (except for Remus and Sirius, tbh). Also as someone (a girl) who has
in fact had a massive crush on her best friend (also a girl) a few years ago I definitely
feel like I can hone in on those gay, best friend crush feelings to write all this lmao.
Enjoy the chapter !

EDITED: 6.6.21
surprisingly didn't do much to this chapter! I edited some of the convo at the very start
and then the very end w lily asking the /question/ (don't want to spoil it lmao). just kinda
cleaned it up and made the dialogue less awkward throughout & such. enjoy! (also, I
feel like this fic has been getting loads of attention the past few days so hello to all my
new ppl!!)

(also also, there's there's very brief talk of girls getting periods in this chapter & just
wanted to say that I know girls aren't the only ones who get periods !! it's just not
something they'd prob acknowledge at the time. you're all valid though. kisses for all my
peeps who menstruate. mwah <3)

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“ You’re as beautiful as endless,

You’re the universe I’m helpless in. ”

— “venus,” sleeping at last

“I can’t bloody sleep! Wormy, if you say anything else, I will not hesitate to throw a book at
you,” Sirius nearly growled, an arm thrown over his eyes. After lowering his arm to glare at
his friends, Sirius looked across the coffee table at the still-sleeping Remus, and wondered
how he’d managed to even fall asleep. Everytime Sirius closed his eyes, he felt the soft skin
of Remus’ hands and the scratch wool of his sweaters, heard his gentle voice and quiet
chuckles, smelled his tea tree shampoo (he dreamed of that tea tree shampoo smell).

“This is the common room, Sirius. If you want to sleep, just go upstairs.” Lily said, finishing
up her homework and putting it away. She checked her watch. “We should probably get
going. It’s nearly dinner time”
“Urgh. I can’t believe it.” Sirius let himself flop off his chair and landed with a soft thump on
the carpet. Lily bent down to give him a pat on the head as she passed.

“Hey, at least you don’t have Head Boy duties tonight,” said James. He waited until Lily
went upstairs to drop her bag off before saying, “I mean, doesn’t McGonagall know about his
furry little problem? Wouldn’t she get it?”

“No, because we’re not supposed to be involved in it, Prongs, in case you’ve forgotten.”
Sirius was sitting up on the carpet now, but made no move to get up for dinner, even if he was
thinking of all the food.

“Oh. Yeah. But still.”

“That wouldn’t even make sense, James.” Sirius said. “It’s Moony who has the issue, and
therefore if we didn’t know, it would barely affect us at all. Not in like a physical way, at
least.”

“I mean, sure, but friends feed off each other's vibes and stuff. So uh, if Moony was feeling
tired and sad and a bit of a mess, that would rub off on me and I too would feel tired, sad, and
a bit of a mess, which would mean that McGonagall should understand and I shouldn’t go out
and patrol tonight,” explained James. Sirius just looked at him.

“What the fuck are you on about? Feed off each other’s vibes ?” Sirius repeated
incredulously. “Moony should never have let us rent those Muggle movies last summer,
bloody hell. I certainly wouldn’t have let you watch them if I knew you were going to start
talking like a hippie.”

“Oi! I’d make a great hippie. I think I’d look well hot in a tie-dye shirt.”

“That’s entirely beside the point—”

“So you think I’d look hot in a tie-dye shirt?” James wiggled his eyebrows.

“He’s got a boyfriend , James,” Peter chided.

Sirius flushed, but glared at his friends all the same. “You two are incorrigible ,” he
grumbled.

“Sounds like a Moony word. Learn that from your boooyfriend ?” James asked innocently.

“I—no…right, this conversation has entirely digressed. Can we go to dinner please?”

Just then, Lily came back downstairs chatting with Alice, Marlene, Mary MacDonald, and
Hestia Jones. When they passed the boys, Lily looked over.

“Meet you there?” she asked, before leaving the portrait hole with her friends, laughing as
they went.

“No! Wait for us!” James said, running after them with Peter on his tail. Right before they
left, James turned around. “Wake Moons for us, won’t you Pads?” Then, it was only Sirius.
“Pricks.” he grumbled, walking over to stand in front of the sleeping Remus. He reached out
a hand, and gently shook his shoulder. He liked being so close to Remus—close enough to
see every pale scar on his face and the few freckles that survived through the winter (in the
summer, Remus was a whole constellation of freckles). Remus squeezed his eyes shut tighter,
and Sirius shook him gently again. “Rem…”

Remus stirred, and his eyes fluttered open. He looked at Sirius, confused a moment, before
remembering where he was.

“Is it dinner already?” he asked, quietly.

“Yeah. Everyone’s gone down. They asked me to wake you up.”

Remus looked up at Sirius quietly for a moment. Sirius stared back, hungrily almost, like he
might forget what Remus looked like if he looked away. He wouldn’t, of course, having
already memorized every freckle and scar that he could see.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Remus whispered.

“Like what?”

Remus stared into Sirius’ eyes—grey and blue like cloudy days or the sea during a storm. He
felt transfixed.

“Like…like…” like I’m something beautiful. Gorgeous. (Moons—you’re the most gorgeous
boy I’ve ever seen). “Er, I dunno. Sorry.”

Sirius smiled easily and stepped back. “You alright? You seem a bit disoriented.”

Remus rubbed his eyes as he stood up, shaking off the last dregs of his nap. He snorted. He
was a little disoriented from his nap, but he felt most of it came from the way Sirius was
looking at him. Looking at him in a way Remus was quite sure he never had before. Either
way, his heart was pounding and the shock of being woken up by the boy he had a crush on
and was currently fake dating (who also happened to be his best mate) inches away from his
face was still setting in.

Merlin, his life was crazy.

He didn’t tell Sirius any of this, obviously, only smiled back and slung his bag over his
shoulder. “I’m alright. Ready to go?”

“Yeah, I’m starving.” Sirius looked nervous, but held out a hand anyway. Smiling shyly,
Remus took his outstretched hand.

“I can’t believe they just left us here,” Remus said, as they walked to the portrait hole.

“I know! We might have to make James’s prank harder just for that.” Remus hummed in
agreement. “And would you believe, just before he left James was trying to use you to get out
of his Head Boy duties.”

“Classic Prongs.”

“Yeah.” Sirius snorted.

“What was he saying?”

“Just that since you just had your time of the month, McGonagall should let him off of his
duties tonight.”

“Oh! I told you twats to stop calling it my time of the month .” Remus said grumpily.

“Sorry. It is your time of the month though…” Sirius grinned as Remus swatted at his arm
with his free hand.

“It’s not!”

“Is too.”

“Is not! Girls get their periods for like, days and days. Then the rest of the month their bodies
are on this whole cycle of hormones and ovulation and—”

“Your body’s on a cycle too though. The moon’s cycle.” Sirius paused for a moment, then
looked back over at Remus. “What’s ovulation?”

“Oh my god, I’m changing the topic.” Remus rolled his eyes. “Did anyone think it was odd
that I fell asleep? I mean, obviously you guys wouldn’t but there were quite a few people in
there. I didn’t even mean to, really, the exhaustion just hit me so I closed my eyes for a
minute and must have drifted off…”

“Oh, don’t feel bad. You needed to sleep. And Lily was a little curious, but we told her it
wasn’t our secret to tell. She didn’t mind.”

“Should I tell her?” Remus asked, watching his and Sirius’s intertwined hands.

“Are you sure you want to? I mean, there isn’t really a need to.”

“But what about after this year? We’ll be out of school, living our own lives. I’ll be the
werewolf who no one wants to deal with and everyone is bound to find out. I might as well
tell her now.”

“I’ll want to deal with you,” Sirius’s voice was quiet as he looked over at Remus. He had his
eyes averted and seemed to be looking anywhere but Sirius. “You’ll always have the
Marauders to come back to, if you need us.”

Remus looked up at him.

“Thank you, Sirius, really. I’d hug you, but those first years over there are watching us and
it’s a little weird.”
Sirius ran a hand through his black hair and let go of Remus’s hand, throwing his arm around
his shoulders instead.

“I think they’re jealous of us,” Sirius said, grinning down at him. Remus blushed, and smiled
back. “I mean, we are the most handsome boys at school.”

“Actually I think you’re supposed to say that I’m the most handsome and then I say ‘oh, no,
darling you’re the most handsome!’” Remus said with a laugh. He was glad the mood had
lightened, he didn’t like to think too much about the future.

“Hm. Well then I suppose that while I am definitely one of the most handsome boys at this
school, no one can look as effortlessly adorable as you manage to do every day, which
therefore puts you at the top of the list.”

“Adorable? Really?” Remus looked down and caught sight of a new, slightly pink scar on his
arm that he remembered Madame Pomfrey mending that morning. He’d never once thought
of himself as adorable (despite his mother’s constant insistence that he was).

It took a lot of Sirius to hold back from saying what he wanted to ( The most gorgeous boy…)
and he had to clear his throat before he spoke again.

“What? You’re actually the most adorable person I’ve ever met.” Sirius dragged his thumb
across a scar that spanned from Remus’ thumb and wrapped its way down his wrist. The
scars, Sirius was quite sure, were the reason Remus felt the way he did about himself. That,
and the general self-hatred over his lycanthropy. It made Sirius sad that he thought so poorly
of himself. It made him want to kiss Remus and hold him and tell him just how wonderful
and kind and adorable (gorgeous) he was.

Shaking off those thoughts, Sirius traced the scar on Remus’ thumb again. It was from last
year, and Sirius remembered it because it had been quite deep, and Madam Pomfrey kept
Remus in for almost two days for that as well as some broken bones in his arm. The
Marauders had switched out at Remus’s bedside, but Sirius tried his best to be there as often
as he could. He’d stayed there overnight, sleeping in a chair (although, to be fair, he did
charm it to be squishy), and then Mary MacDonald had shown up the next morning. With
flowers. “Does Mary still like you?” Sirius asked, seemingly out of the blue.

“Huh? Oh, I’m not sure. I wasn’t aware she liked me in the first place.”

“Please, are you forgetting that time she brought you flowers? Or that time she asked you to
Hogsmeade which you thought was a friend thing, and then were surprised when she tried to
kiss you at lunch? And then that time—” Remus cut him off by shoving him with his
shoulder.

“Sounds like you haven’t forgotten. Are you jealous, Pads?” Remus smirked.

“Me, jealous? Definitely not.” He paused. “Hey, wait! You haven’t told me that I’m the most
handsome! Aren’t you supposed to compliment me?” Sirius exclaimed. Remus shrugged.
“I’m not sure I can compete with you calling me ‘effortlessly adorable’, honestly.”

They were both glad to have made it to the Great Hall, which meant they were saved from
going any deeper into the conversation, into uncharted territory that neither were ready to
explore.

Remus, personally, was quite glad to be saved from having to go on. He wasn’t sure he could
come up with something that sounded anywhere close to platonic, yet still genuine. (His
genuine thoughts about Sirius were far from platonic).

“I told Wormtail he should turn into a rat and run across the Slytherin table, but he said he
wouldn’t.” James told them after they’d sat down. Remus took a scoop of potatoes from a
plate in front of him that had been empty moments previous.

“Wormy, that’s so boring. Don’t you love hearing them scream in terror like little girls?”
Sirius asked. Peter looked at him oddly.

“You saying you like to hear them scream in terror is a little weird, you know that right?”
Lily asked.

“Well, I didn’t mean it like that . I just like playing jokes on them.”

“I figured. And I like to prank them too, obviously, but I do value my life a bit more.” Peter
said, shuddering at the thought of being caught in his (illegal) animagus form at the Slytherin
table.

“What if I dared you to do it?” James asked. Peter grinned, a little evilly.

“Considering our truth and dare has no rules, I can just not do it. Also I could just pick truth.”
James eyed him for a moment, then seemed to give up with a sigh of defeat.

“Do you want a dare, Prongs?” Remus asked. He and Sirius exchanged a smile.

“Why not. You’ve got to ask it right though, if this is a truth or dare.”

“Fine, fine. Prongs, dare or dare ?”

James gasped, then pretended to swoon. “A man after my own heart. I’m not sure why I’m
not dating you.”

A simultaneous “HEY!” from both Sirius and Lily sent a few glances their way, and Remus
tried feebly to quiet them down.

“Guys, shut up,” Remus began, trying to stifle his own laughs. “James. Your dare—which is
the choice I’m assuming you picked since you had no other option—is to go see Moaning
Myrtle sometime this week and convince her to spend every meal on a day of your choosing
following Snape around and loudly flirting with him.”
James was quiet as he thought it all over. Suddenly—

“Wait a minute—Remus! Myrtle hates me!”

Remus grinned. “I thought you’d say that.”

“And—?” James began. Remus shrugged.

“ And you can figure it out. Besides, I think she hates Sirius the most.” Sirius nearly choked
on his food.

“Oi, I resent that!” he managed, choking a little as he quickly swallowed the mouthful of
food he’d just put in his mouth.

“Well, it’s true. Just because you’re easily the most handsome at this school, doesn’t mean
you aren’t also incredibly annoying.”

“So you do think I’m the most handsome!” Sirius seemed overjoyed at this, completely
ignoring the fact that he’d also been called “incredibly annoying”.

“Oh, um, yes I’d say so.” Remus was blushing, and he stumbled over his response. He cursed
himself for not coming up with a response that was a bit more eloquent, but his brain seemed
to have turned to mush.

“Aw, I knew it. Of course, you’re still the most handsome in my mind—”

“Bloody hell. Guys, can you stop flirting?” Peter interrupted.

“Please,” James added, flicking a piece of mashed potato at Sirius, “I can’t concentrate on my
food over the sound of all this ridiculous sexual tension.”

“We do not have ‘ridiculous sexual tension’, James!” Sirius protested.

Remus had had a burst of energy from his nap, but by the time dessert rolled around, he was
beginning to feel tired again. Halfway through his treacle tart, he found himself dozing off on
Sirius’s shoulder, something he most certainly did not mean to happen.

“You alright mate?” James asked, after he’d shaken himself awake for the second time.

“Just a little tired,” Remus replied lightly, trying to downplay the tiredness and the pain that
came along with having transformed into a werewolf less than 24 hours previous.

“Y’know, I was a little surprised to see you at breakfast this morning…” Peter began,
glancing at the disheveled Remus. “Usually Pomfrey keeps you longer.”

James, who had been with Remus when he woke up in the hospital wing that morning,
chuckled darkly. “She was livid that he wanted to leave.”
Remus managed a small grin. “Yeah, she thought that ‘wanting to take my transfiguration
exam’ wasn’t a good excuse. I honestly wouldn’t have been surprised if she had breathed fire.
I told her I felt fine though, so there wasn’t anything to keep me around for.”

“Except for the fact that you vomited in the corridor almost as soon as we walked out of
there,” James pointed out.

“Well, yeah, but I didn’t vomit again after that, did I?”

“How did I miss all of this?” exclaimed Sirius, who had been listening quietly.

“You were sleeping, Padfoot.” Peter said, rolling his eyes. “Maybe you should have been
there, you know, for your boyfriend.”

“Oh, fuck off, Wormy,” Sirius grumbled. “I’m a great boyfriend, aren’t I Moony?”

Remus looked at Peter, then to Sirius. Exhausted, he managed a “sure, Sirius.”

“Hah! There you go.”

“I think I’m going to go to sleep early, if that’s alright. I’d like to be awake for the game
tomorrow.” Remus gave James a small smile, which he returned enthusiastically.

The following morning, the final Quidditch match of the season (Gryffindor v. Slytherin) was
going to take place. It was James’ last game ever on the Hogwarts team (they were all sure
he’d get invited to join a team after school) and he’d been talking of little else for the past
few days, spending the majority of his time zooming around the pitch, generally with the
Marauders as an audience.

“Thanks, Moons! I hope you feel better in the morning,” said James. The others said
goodnight, and Remus left, thinking happily of his bed and finally being able to sleep. He
made a mental note to leave Sirius his chocolate on his bed before he forgot.

Sirius watched Remus’ small frame until he’d turned the corner and was gone from view. He
looked back down, pushing the remains of a treacle tart around with his fork.

“Are you worried about him?” It was Lily, scooting closer to the three boys, her voice
hushed.

“Hm? Oh, well, I bit. He’s been ill these past few days.” Sirius didn’t meet her eyes.

“He’s been ill for the past seven years, Sirius,” her voice was soft, but Sirius’ eyes were sharp
when he looked up at her.

“Yes, everyone knows he’s ill. Sometimes he gets bad relapses and…” Peter spoke this time,
hurrying through his words as he jumped to defend Remus. None of them were fond of lying
to Lily, not even Remus, but it was a necessary evil for the time being.
 “I know he’s ill, and I’ve…” Lily paused, bottom lip drawn up between her teeth. “I’ve had a
feeling for a few years that—well and I, and I feel awful for bringing it up now considering…
but—is Remus a werewolf?”

Chapter End Notes

The next chapter will finally be the end of Friday. I just felt this one was getting too
long. I don't think every day will be so many chapters but we'll see ! I hope you had fun!
plz comment & kudos ily!
 stay?
Chapter Notes

A little short chapter to finish off Friday! It's essentially five pages of them flirting and
cuddling. So enjoy that lol.

EDITED: 6.12.21
hello hello. I spent far too long trying to figure out the alcohol content of firewhisky &
how many bottles it would take to get an average person drunk. honestly I still don't
really know but I think it's quite strong???? so like maybe 3ish??? if u are a harry potter
alcohol fanatic do let me know.

(also, I kept the origins of the infamous "sirius can't read" joke in this chapter. originally
when I wrote this fic I accidentally made it so many times people thought he was
illiterate. sirius can read. this had been a psa.)

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“ I glow pink in the night in my room

I've been blossoming alone over you

And I hear my heart breaking tonight

I hear my heart breaking tonight

Do you hear it too? ”

— “pink in the night,” mitski

“I don’t understand how you figured it out,” Peter mumbled, after all three boys reluctantly
told Lily she was correct in her assumptions. They’d all been wary, but Sirius had tried to
reason with himself that Remus was going to tell her. Besides, this was Lily Evans —they
could trust her.

“I think I’ve known for a long time, really. I noticed a few years back that his hospital visits
and ‘relapses’ seemed to be only once a month. Then I realized they all coincided with the
full moon.” She cleared her throat. “Also, I er—I saw you all last month. I’d been looking out
the window when on patrol and saw you three turn into...well, turn into animals I suppose.
Don’t tell Remus I know if you think he’ll get upset. I didn’t want to say anything to his face
and certainly not today of all days…” Lily explained, looking a little anxiously at the
Marauders in front of her.
They all were quiet. Sirius had his arms crossed, his expression bordering on anger as he
listened. James wasn’t giving much away by his expression, but Peter looked so nervous
Sirius wouldn’t have been surprised if he burst into tears. Finally, Sirius decided to speak.

“I’ll tell him,” Sirius said, voice even. “It’s better he knows that you know, and also that you
aren’t going to judge him for it. Which you won’t, right Evans? Because if you do judge him
I will quite literally hex you into the next century.”

“Of course I support him, idiot. Put your wand down.” She tried to swat Sirius’s wand away
from her face.

“How’d you know it was us? The animals, I mean,” James asked.

“Well you were all invisible at first, under that bloody cloak I’m sure, but then I saw a rat
appear out of nowhere and scuttle towards the Whomping Willow. Then you two appeared
and changed as well. How’d you manage to become animagi? Don’t you need to do that
through the ministry? You three could have gotten yourselves killed!”

“We’re illegal animagi. It’s not too difficult, really—we just read the books, followed the
instructions, y’know…”

“It was a little harder than that,” Peter muttered under his breath. James ignored his comment.

“And trust me, Moony gave us enough ‘ you could have been killed ’ talk to last a lifetime.”
James paused, then grinned down at his girlfriend. “Wanna see me transform into a stag?”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “You are such a show-off.”

“What! Says the boy who transforms into a dog whenever he gets the chance.”

“Well, I mostly transform so I can scare the shit out of Professor Nitt by making her think I’m
the Grimm. Also the belly rubs.” James smiled at this, and their bickering stopped.

“The Grimm prank is a classic.”

“Sometimes you guys freak me out.” Lily said, shaking her head.

“So the terrorizing teachers freaks you out but not the illegal animagi bit?” There was a
pause, where James thought about what he’d just said. “Y’know, honestly none of that sounds
all that great.”

Up in the dorm, Remus was still wide awake. He’d pulled on his pyjamas and climbed into
bed, the lamp on his bedside table washing his corner of the room in warm yellow light. He
stared out of the window for a while, watching the clouds float lazily across the lake and the
mountains beyond.

Of course, initially he had been excited to sleep, but then he’d remembered the dreams. He
knew he was in for a night of nightmare after nightmare. It would be a sleepless night, he was
sure—and Remus was dreading it. He supposed he could go get a sleeping draught from
Madam Pomfrey, but he thought if he showed his face in the hospital wing so soon after his
escape she might not let him leave again. So, instead, Remus grabbed his new Charms book
from his bedside table, and began to read in the hopes that it might make him sleepy.

He was halfway through a very boring chapter on the creation of a charm that’s sole purpose
was to clean tea kettles, when he heard the soft pads of feet outside on the stairs. Four feet—
or rather, paws. He sighed, but kept reading, hoping maybe Sirius would just leave him be.
He’d only gone a few more pages when there was the squeak of the door opening, the quiet
rustle of something moving through the room, and then a huge black dog jumping on the bed.

“Hello, Sirius.” Remus said, looking up casually over the top of his book. The dog
whimpered, as if disappointed. “Are you upset that you didn’t scare me? Because first of all,
that isn’t very nice considering I’m recovering from my transformation into a werewolf; and
second of all, because I just transformed into a werewolf, I happen to have heightened senses.
I heard you outside the door just a few moments ago.”

Padfoot sighed, then changed tactics. He chased his tail a bit, jumped around on the bed,
then, after finding Remus was too absorbed in his book to notice him, he tried pulling it out
of his hands with his teeth.

“Sirius! That’s a library book! How am I going to explain the slobber to Madam Pince?”
Remus grumbled, wrenching the book out of his mouth. He placed it gingerly back on his
bedside table, looking on in mild disgust as a glob of slobber slowly dripped off the edge of
the book and landed unceremoniously on the table.

Sirius transformed back into a human and found himself sitting on Remus’s legs. “Tell her
you had a bit of a furry little problem?”

“You’re insufferable.” With Sirius sitting across his lap, grinning, Remus found he wasn’t as
angry as he was before and his words came out far more lovingly then they perhaps should
have.

“Insufferable? Did you eat a dictionary before I came up here?” Sirius teased him, rolling off
Remus’ legs and flopping down beside him, head in his lap.

“Ha ha. Insufferable isn’t actually that hard of a word. Have you ever read a dictionary?”
Remus asked, looking down at Sirius. He felt quite nervous, practically cuddling Sirius in
their empty dormitory. Sirius pretended to look hurt.

“Oof. Moony, you know how I feel about that topic. I thought we already discussed that my
parents didn’t love me enough to teach me how to read.”

“Ah, right. How could I forget. It’s a wonder you’re passing your classes, to be honest.”

“Yeah, well, Wormtail usually reads everything to me. And if he can’t, I just get by with my
good looks and charm.”
“Of course. Who needs to be literate when you have good looks and charm?” Remus teased
him. Without really thinking he let his left hand travel to the ends of Sirius’s black curly hair,
which was splayed out beneath him, and twisted a curl around his finger. Remus knew his
sheets would smell like coconut shampoo later.

“Are you playing with my hair?” Sirius whispered.

“No. Perhaps it’s a ghost?”

“A ghost? Moony, I think you’ve been at Hogwarts long enough to know how ghosts work.
Also, I wasn’t aware there were any ghosts who looked just like my best friend Remus.”
Sirius reached up and grabbed Remus’s hand, pulling it away from his hair. “And he has the
same gorgeous hands as him too. The resemblance is truly uncanny.”

“Uncanny? Get that from the dictionary?”

“Well, ghost-who-looks-like-Remus, I happen to have a friend, Moony, who sometimes uses

big words that I pick up on.” Sirius tilted his chin up a bit so he could see Remus, and smiled.
Remus smiled back, but felt himself blush as Sirius continued to trace the freckles and scars
on his hand.

“You are so weird, Sirius Black.” They were quiet a moment, and Remus found he was
enjoying the silence so much more than he had been before Sirius had arrived. “Where are
the others?”

“Downstairs. There’s a pre-game party going on. I imagine there’ll be a post-game party as
well. If they win, of course.”

“Oh. That’s nice.”

“Yeah, though it’s not all that fun because James isn’t letting anyone on the team drink. Says
we need to be in tip-top shape for the game tomorrow, as if he’s in charge or something.
Besides, I never even get hungover! Such a stick-in-the-mud, our Prongsy.”

“Clearly he’s taking his demotion from Quidditch Captain well.”

“Yeah, well, we all know he still acts like he’s the captain. I don’t even think Marlene minds,
really. We all indulge the bloke.”

Remus hummed in agreement, before looking down at Sirius with a grin. “You so get
hungover.”

“No I don’t!”

“Yes you do. Remember the day after Halloween? You complained all day. And you’d only
had like maybe two Firewhiskys.”

“I’d chugged them, Rem. Anyway, surely I had more than that. Wasn’t it more like three?
Four?”
Remus gave Sirius a pat on the head, a bit like he would when he was a dog. “Nope. When
will you accept that you’re a lightweight?”

“I’m not!”

“You’re in denial, Pads.” Remus shook his head in mock seriousness. “You accidentally got
drunk off Butterbeer when we were fourteen.”

Sirius pouted. “I was small!”

“We were the same size then.”

“Oi! What’s with all the bullying tonight?” Sirius asked, smiling to show he wasn’t really that
upset.

“Sorry.” Remus looked back out of the window again. It was so intensely peaceful outside, he
thought. The sounds of laughter from downstairs could be heard, quiet and muffled as if they
were listening through water.

Sirius looked up at Remus’ face, cast partly in shadow from his bedside lamp. He looked a
little upset, brows furrowed just barely and lips downturned into a tiny frown. Sirius sighed,
and reached up to poke him in the cheek.

“Yes?” Remus spared him a tight smile, and Sirius frowned.

“I’m not actually upset, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Then what’s got you all mopey?”

Remus rolled his eyes. “You really know how to comfort a guy, Pads.”

With a huff, Sirius rolled onto his stomach and grabbed both of Remus’ hands in his. “Remus
Jonathan Lupin, what ever ails you this fine evening?”

This time Remus smiled a real smile, and Sirius couldn’t help but grin back. “That’s not my
middle name, you fool.”

Sensing perhaps that he had been holding Remus’ hands for too long, Sirius let them go and
sat up, leaning up across from Remus against one of the banister’s on his four-poster. He let
their legs settle together where they met in the middle of the bed, hoping Remus didn’t pull
away. He didn’t.

“Well, Mr. John Lupin, what’s wrong?”

“I dunno. Just stressed I suppose,” Remus supplied. He fell silent, and Sirius raised an
eyebrow at him.
“...And?”

Remus huffed. “Stop pestering me, Sirius. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“It’s moon stuff, isn’t it?” Sirius asked calmly. He and Remus weren’t strangers to the
occasional tiff, and he wasn’t going to back down now.

Remus merely stared at him, lips pursed in a way that reminded Sirius of McGonagall. He
told him as such.

Remus huffed again, though this time he was fighting down a smile. “You’re annoying.”

“So are you. Glad we’ve got that in common.”

“I can tell you’re not going to leave this alone.”

“Nope.”

“Fine! I’ll bloody tell you,” Remus poked Sirius’ leg with his foot. “It is moon stuff. It’s
just…since we talked on the way to dinner I keep thinking about Lily. I mean, we’ve been
friends for just about seven years and she still doesn’t know the…the truth about who I am.”

Sirius cocked his head. “What? That you secretly read Jane Austen novels when you can’t
sleep? Or that you listen to Fleetwood Mac when you miss your mum?”

“The fact that I’m a werewolf, Sirius.”

As soon as Remus had said what was bothering him, he knew there was something Sirius
wasn’t telling him. He waited a beat for Sirius to speak, but he said nothing, eyes downcast to
his hands in his lap.

“Something to add, Padfoot?”

Sirius finally looked up at him. “Lily knows. About the…uh, werewolf thing.”

“Who told her?” Remus asked, voice quiet. For one sickening moment, he imagined Snape—
his leering grin as he divulged Remus’ darkest secret to his slimy little friends, to Lily. “Was
it Sn—”

“Oh! No, not him. She figured it out on her own. She—she didn’t want to say because she
was worried about upsetting you and well, I told her I’d do it. She’s totally fine with it.”

“I suppose she was always going to find out at some point. Are you sure she’s okay with it? I
mean, she isn’t…she’s not disgusted is she?” He asked the last question quietly, looking
across the gap between them to meet Sirius’ eyes.

“ Never , Moony. She just wants to be there for you, like we do, I promise.” Quiet. “Are you
tired?”
“I should be. Perhaps I’ll turn the light off now. Try to fall asleep.” However, the thought
didn’t appeal to him at all anymore. He was entirely in control, when he was awake.

“Would you like me to stay?” Sirius proposed, voice quiet. Remus felt his heart lurch.

“Stay?”

“Well, it’s just I know you get terrible nightmares, so I thought I could just stay here, be a
comfort. If you want, of course.” Sirius grinned then, “You know I’m good at comforting
people.”

Remus regarded him for a moment. Adorable, hair messy, in his bed. Asking to stay in his
bed.

“Okay,” Remus said slowly, not entirely sure what he was signing up for. It wasn’t that they’d
never shared a bed, but it was more the fact that Remus was desperately in love with him and
they were supposed to be fake dating. Was it weird to share a bed with your crush when you
were also pretending to be a couple?

Sirius grinned even wider, and jumped up to put his pajamas on. He came back a few minutes
later, and settled into the space Remus had made on the bed.

“This bed was not made for two people,” grumbled Remus, trying to find a comfortable
position that didn’t end up with him fully cuddling Sirius. Of course, he’d have loved to
cuddle him, but he was sure Sirius would think that was weird. Even if he was the one who
suggested it in the first place. (Why did he suggest it?)

Eventually, they ended up laying on their sides, face to face. Remus wasn’t sure if it really
was any better than cuddling. In the dark, he could barely make out Sirius’ eyes and the curve
of his lips as he smiled at him.

“Is this strange?” Sirius asked. Remus chuckled, hoping he didn’t sound as nervous as he
felt.

“I don’t think so. Prongs and Wormtail will make fun of us tomorrow, though.”

“It’s worth it. Do I get a goodnight kiss?”

Remus knew he was joking, but he said it with such a straight face he could hardly formulate
a response.

“No. I should go to sleep.” Remus closed his eyes, and tried to ignore Sirius’ eyes boring into
him, barely inches away.

“Alright then. Goodnight, Moony.”

Sirius reached out, and grabbed one of Remus’s hands. Remus felt his heart beat faster, and
he opened his eyes.
 “I can’t sleep if you’re holding my hand.” Remus murmured. Sirius stuck his tongue out at
him.

“You are so boring, Lupin.”

“Go to bed, Black.” Remus rolled over, and closed his eyes, letting exhaustion take him.

Chapter End Notes

friday is over! time for the weekend. i hope you all enjoyed the chapter! as always, pls
comment and kudos! <3
 happy christmas, padfoot
Chapter Notes

fuck zodiac signs, what scent is your shampoo?

EDITED: 6.27.21
been super busy but finally finished this chapter! there was a lot I wanted to change.
biggest thing is that Sirius is now also on the Quidditch team all the time and Remus is
the announcer. I honestly changed like most of this chapter lmao. it's a lot longer now.
enjoy this 4k word rollercoaster !

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“ Sometimes I wonder; when you sleep

Are you ever dreaming of me?

Sometimes when I look into your eyes

I pretend you're mine, all the damn time ”

— “delicate,” taylor swift

saturday, december 14, 1977

Remus woke to a screech. He groaned and rolled over, pressing his face into a pillow that
smelled oddly familiar—like coconuts and boy and something warm and earthy. Sirius . It hit
him then, face pressed into his pillow, that he and Sirius had just shared a bed . Not because
of nightmares, but rather on purpose, and all night long.

Except now, Sirius was gone.

Remus rolled onto his back, opened his bleary eyes, and sat up a bit so he was resting on his
forearms and could survey the whole room, doused in early morning December light.

Before Remus could say anything about the shriek he’d just heard, there was a crash, a lot of
rustling, then Sirius burst from the bathroom, towel wrapped around his hips and an angry
expression on his face. His black wavy hair was dripping, sending rivulets of water down his
neck, pooling in his collarbones, and flowing down over his chest. Remus looked away
before he could let his gaze travel further than Sirius’ faint six-pack, staring intently at a very
boring piece of wall instead. (Definitely not thinking about the way the water clung to Sirius’
pale skin, or the freckle just to the left of his bellybutton). ( Bloody fucking Christ ).
“JAMES POTTER,” Sirius growled, thankfully shaking Remus from his reverie. “what the
fuck is this?”

James was howling with laughter, and had to dodge a shampoo bottle that Sirius had just
chucked at his head.

“What did you do with my shampoo?” Sirius was glaring at James, who was only just
recovering his ability to speak.

“Well, Pads, you were just so adorable cuddling with Moony when we came upstairs last
night, and I couldn’t help myself … so,” he chuckled and looked at Peter in the next bed over,
who was biting the insides of his cheeks to stop from laughing, “I switched your shampoo
with eggnog.”

“ What? ”

“The Muggle Christmas drink! Happy Christmas, Padfoot!”

“Where did you even get eggnog?” Sirius asked, his curiosity winning over his anger for just
a moment.

“I had my parents send me some from the Muggle village near where we live. I thought we
could spike it for our Christmas party next week.” Sirius looked almost proud, but then
remembered he was supposed to be angry.

“You’re insufferable, Prongs.” He crossed his arms, and went back to glaring at his best
friend.

“Insufferable? Where’d you learn that one, Pads?” Remus called out then, his voice still laced
with sleep.

“Moony! You’re up! And, to answer your question, I learned it last night from a ghost who
looked just like you.” Sirius grinned at Remus, who rolled his eyes fondly in return. Peter and
James exchanged confused looks.

“What the hell does that mean? Is that like a euphemism or something?” James asked.

“Oh you are on thin bloody ice , Potter.”

“Doesn’t answer my question…”

“Moony, I’m going to use your shampoo,” Sirius called out loudly, ignoring James as he
turned to go back into the bathroom.

“Alright.”

“You four are up to something.” It was Frank, sitting on the edge of his bed pulling on his
shoes.

“What do you mean?” James asked, feigning innocence.

“Yeah, we’re never up to anything,” Remus said, turning his head so he could smile sweetly
at Frank a few beds down.

“Never ever!” Peter added enthusiastically.

“Yeah right.” Frank rolled his eyes. “I just—I mean, are you really dating Sirius? You guys
shared a bed and all, plus you’ve basically been all over each other since yesterday morning
but you’re always like that so—”

“We are dating,” Remus said swiftly, cutting him off.

“Er, okay…” Frank stood up and made his way to the door. “I’ll leave you all to your
plotting, or whatever it is you four do. Good luck at the game, James. Tell Sirius I wish him
good luck too.”

“Thanks, mate!”

When Frank was gone, the door firmly shut behind him, Remus looked back up at his friends.
“Were Sirius and I actually cuddling?”

“Practically spooning . It was disgusting.” James said, scrunching his nose.

“That’s homophobic, James.” Sirius said, walking out of the bathroom, hair freshly washed
with Remus’s Tea Tree shampoo.

“Wait! No! I didn’t mean it like that, idiot,” James threw something at Sirius, but he stopped
it with a flick of his wand.

“Whatever you say, Prongs. Although I will say that it wasn’t ‘spooning’ when Moony hit me
in the face.”

“Hey! You hit me in the face too! You also threw your arm over my face at one point and I
could barely breathe. You could have smothered me, Pads.” Remus hurriedly pulled on his
sweater so he could respond. Today, he was wearing a red and gold striped one his mother
had knit him.

“Yours was more of a punch, I’d say. I wouldn’t be surprised if it bruised.” Sirius was
grinning, and Remus narrowed his eyes challengingly at him.

“Bruised?! You’re ridiculous. Let me see it then.”

“See it?”

“Yeah! Come here, since you’re so injured…” Remus made a grab for Sirius, who was
standing by his bed wearing only trousers, his Quidditch jersey in his hands. Sirius dodged
his grasp with a laugh.

“Peter, I feel like we should leave… this seems like a private moment…” James muttered, as
he and Peter watched them fight, giggling as they jumped about.
“I’m honestly shocked they aren’t really dating at this point…” Peter murmured.

“I feel the same. It’s not looking good, Pete. They’re truly clueless.”

The Marauders made their way down to breakfast that morning much more energetic than the
day before. James and Sirius entered first with the rest of the Quidditch team to loud cheers
from most of the hall. When Remus and Peter entered behind them, Remus noticed that he
was getting quite a bit more attention than usual, noticing giggling and whispering as he
passed the tables.

Settling into his seat next to Sirius, Remus leaned in closer to his friends. “Why is everyone
looking at us so much?”

“That, dear Moony, would be the brilliant work of Wormtail and myself,” James announced
proudly. When he didn’t get more than a raised eyebrow from Remus, he sighed. “Everyone
totally thinks you’re dating. I heard some pretty crazy rumors coming from the Ravenclaw
table. Basically, they were saying that you and Pads…well, honestly I don’t fully—er, how
do two guys even have ”—his voice dropped to a whisper, as if he were about to say
something scandelous—“sex?”

Sirius barked out a laugh, then buried his head in his hands to muffle his giggles.

“Oh my god.” Remus flushed and dropped his head into his arms on the table. “Oh my god . I
wish you had bloody smothered me last night, Sirius.”

Sirius dropped his hands and looked up. “Kinky.”

“Sirius!” Remus raised his head to glare at him. “You’re not helping!”

“Sorry!”

“Why’s everyone so invested anyway? We’ve been ‘dating’ for what, a day ? Do they think
I’m that bloody desperate to get into Sirius’ pants?” Remus asked, pushing his eggs around
his plate.

“Most people are,” Sirius said.

Remus raised an eyebrow at him. “Alright, Mr. Ego.”

Sirius gave him his most blinding grin. “Anyways, who’s to say I wasn’t desperate to get into
your pants?”

Remus had no response to that and could only manage to open and close his mouth a few
times ( like a fish , he thought) before James snorted and Peter let out a little giggle.

“You two are idiots. Absolute idiots.” James shook his head and Peter had to cover his mouth
with his hand as he struggled to contain his growing laughter.
“I don’t get it, why are they laughing at us?” Sirius asked, leaning into Remus.

“Who knows. Weirdos.” Remus stuck out his tongue at them across the table.

“You two are the weirdos.” James said, sticking out his tongue in return. “You know Wormy,”
he said then, directing his attention towards Peter, “I’ve half a mind to go spread some
rumors of my own. We’re credible sources after all—best mates and we share a dorm room
with the two fools.”

Peter didn’t even have time to respond before Remus was angrily brandishing his fork in the
face of one smirking James Potter.

“I’m not being funny, James Potter, if you even dare spread a single rumor you’ll be doing
your own homework for the next month.”

“I’m not being funny ,” James parroted, in a terrible—in Remus’ opinion—Welsh accent.

“Are you mocking me?”

“Definitely not, my sweet little Moony.”

“You’re mocking me.”

“I’m practicing my Welsh accent. Is that a crime?”

“You’re being a dick, Prongs.”

“Language, Remus!”

Remus grumbled something unintelligible and looked back down at his (now quite cold)
eggs. He felt Sirius’ shoulder nudge against his and, instead of pulling away, stayed a warm
and familiar presence against his side.

Remus was still reeling a bit from the whole rumors situation (and James’s inquires about gay
sex, although he was mostly trying to forget that bit). He found it odd that groups of giggling
students were speculating about his and Sirius’ relationship. A relationship that wasn’t even
real , no matter how desperately he wished it was. (He really, really wished it was).

“Lily!” James’ voice shook Remus from his thoughts (which were inching closer and closer
into I-wonder-what-would-happen-if-I-just-snogged-Sirius-right-now territory).

“Morning, love.” She dropped into the seat beside James. “You alright there, Remus?”

“Oh, yeah, m’alright.” Remus shook himself and sat a little straighter, fully abandoning his
eggs (a lost cause at this point) and gnawing instead on a piece of toast (which was slathered
in a mix of all the fruity jams the Gryffindor table had to offer. Remus Lupin did not take
toast spreads lightly). “If you must know, your boyfriend is mocking me for being Welsh.
Which I thought was something that we left behind in first year.”
Remus sent James a pointed look, but the other boy didn’t seem bothered. James grinned and
shrugged. When he spoke again, it was in the same silly Welsh accent he’d done before.
“What can I say, I’m an eleven year old at heart.”

Remus frowned and looked again at Lily. “ Lily .” He felt and sounded rather like a petulant
child.

“James, don’t be rude to your friends,” she began, sounding as exasperated as Remus felt.
“Especially the poor little Werewolf ones who—” realizing what she’d just said, Lily’s eyes
widened and she gasped.

There was a deafening silence between the four boys as they all looked at Lily, mouths
agape.

“Oh Remus, I’m—”

But what she was no one ever found out, because as soon as Remus let out the first chuckle,
the floodgates opened and the four boys were nearly in tears from laughter. Lily (who most
certainly did not find this a laughing matter) watched on in confusion, only able to let out a
few uncertain chuckles of her own.

As he sat, laughing at the absolute ridiculousness of his life, Remus came to somewhat of an
epiphany. Nothing in his life was normal, but sitting there, surrounded by his laughing
friends, he knew he’d be okay as long as they all were together.

A few minutes after the Werewolf joke, Sirius found himself watching fondly as Remus set
about preparing another slice of toast. By now, he knew how Remus liked it—cherry, apricot,
strawberry, then a bit of the blueberry. All mixed into a concoction of jams that, in Sirius’
opinion, wasn’t very good at all. Remus liked it though.

Remus was also staring at him.

“Alright, Pads?”

“Oh. Yes, alright. Sorry. Just thinking about the game.” (He was not thinking about the
game).

“How we’re going to win the game, I hope you mean,” James said, in his stern I’m the
Captain voice. (Even though he was very much not the captain anymore).

“Of course, Jamie,” Sirius replied briskly. “I was thinking about how I’m looking forward to
getting all my anger out on those bloody Slytherins.”

“Alright, Padfoot, I think you’re trying to win, not get permanently kicked off the team.”
Remus said with a laugh.

“They can’t kick me off, it’s the last game,” Sirius said simply. He turned to Remus with a sly
grin. “What do you know about Quidditch rules anyway, mister?”
“I’m literally the announcer, Sirius.”

“Doesn’t mean you know the rules.”

“It…actually does.”

“You think our Moony wouldn’t have bloody memorized that rule book once he got the job?”
Peter asked with a snort.

“I’m going to ignore the fact that you just implied that I actually follow the rules , Wormtail.”
Remus said, eyebrow raised.

“You’re a prefect, Remus.”

“You’re head boy, James.”

“Fair point.”

“I merely like to be prepared,” Remus said, shrugging.

“Our Moons, always prepared.” Sirius grinned and reached over to mess up Remus’ hair. The
other boy frowned and ran his fingers through it in an attempt to smooth it back down.

“I’m quite excited for the game,” Peter said, smiling as he reached for another piece of toast.
“I love seeing you two play. It’s just…so exciting when you hit the balls and catch them and
throw them…”

“Eloquent, Worm,” Sirius said. Peter stuck his tongue out at him.

“I love Quidditch…” James added, grinning.

“Oh, trust me, we know.” Remus said. James pretended not to have heard him.

“You know, if I ever have a son, I’ll train him to be the best Quidditch player in the world.”

“What if you have a daughter?” Lily asked.

“Oh, well obviously I’d do the same.” There was a moment’s quiet, before James looked over
at Lily with a grin. “Are you saying you want to have kids with me?”

“Oh, Merlin. ” Sirius groaned. Remus dropped his face into his hands and Peter sighed
heavily. Lily was blushing as she tried to hide her grin.

“What? It was just a question!” James exclaimed defensively.

“Can we just have one normal conversation this morning? One that doesn’t end up… here ?”
Remus asked, poking at the discarded toast crusts on the side of his plate.

“Are you going to eat those?” Sirius asked, prodding the crusts on Remus’ plate.

“Nah, you can have them. I’m surprised you asked this time.”
“Well, we’re dating now, so I figured that means I need to ask for your crusts.”

“I’m not sure where the logic lies in that, but I appreciate the gesture.”

***

The Gryffindor changing rooms were filled with a low buzz of chatter as the team scurried
about, muttering about plays and the weather and who moved that bloody blackboard . James
and Sirius were tucked away in a quiet corner. Sirius had taken over an entire bench, laying
flat on his back with his arms draped off the sides, fingers just barely able to scrape over the
worn cobblestone floors.

“It was mortifying , Prongs. I’ll never recover.”

“You kissed him on the cheek.” James was on the bench next to him, bent over his broom as
he carefully scuffed out invisible marks along its shiny wood surface. “It’s not like you
bloody made out with the bloke.”

Sirius groaned and covered his face with his hands. “It’s worse! It’s awful! You kissed Lily
and then I—I don’t even know what happened; I just leaned in! And there I was! With my
lips on the cheek of one Remus bloody Lupin!”

“I’m sure he didn’t mind, Pads, honestly. You two are meant to be dating anyways, it’s not
that weird.”

Sirius’ hands fell to the floor again, and he lolled his head to the side to stare despairingly at
James. “His skin is so soft and he smelled liked strawberry jam,” Sirius said quietly,
deploying his saddest puppy dog eyes.

James snorted loudly as he stood up, broom in one hand. He looked down at Sirius. “What
you need, mate, is to get a life.”

“Oi! I listened to you rhapsodize about Lily for years . Don’t think I’ve forgotten— Her hair
looks like fire tumbling down her back in wavy, gorgeous locks. She’s got these green eyes
like grass in the springtime, sparkling emeralds, fresh pickled toads… ”

James scoffed and went to walk away. Sirius got up to follow him. “I never said she had eyes
like fresh pickled toads.”

Sirius leant against the wall as James put away the things he’d been using to polish his
broom. “Yes you did. Third year, potions, stupid lovesick expression on your face as you
diced up literal dead, pickled toads.”

“Yeah, well, you’re one to talk! Mister do you think Moony will mind if I wear his sweater? It
smells like him… Have you noticed the way Moony’s got bits of green flecked in his eyes? Do
you think Moony got a haircut over break? Do you think Moony—”
Blushing, Sirius jumped at James and pulled him into a headlock. Shrieking with laughter,
James tried to wiggle free, finally succeeding by tickling Sirius until he released him, both
laughing as they wrestled.

“Oi! Can you two keep the fighting to a minimum please?” It was Marlene, hands on her hips
as she stood in front of an annotated map of the Quidditch pitch. Colored arrows, illegible
writing, and the occasional squiggle adorned every inch of the map. “Some of us are trying to
win the Quidditch Cup here.”

Sirius heard James’ sharp intake of breath and watched as he stepped away and straightened
up, fixing his robes. “I’m trying to win the Quidditch Cup as well, actually ,” he said
importantly, bustling over to Marlene and leaving Sirius without another word.

With a fond huff and roll of his eyes, Sirius grabbed his broom (top of the line—a congrats-
on-starting-your-final-year-of-school-and-running-away-from-your-family present to himself)
and went to join James by the board.

“And finally onto the field we’ve got chaser James Potter and Beater Sirius Black! Potter’s
been a star member of the team since he joined as a second year, and will no doubt get many
offers to play on the national level once he graduates.” The crowd cheered loudly at this, and
Remus watched from the announcer’s box as Sirius gave James a high five. Then, basking
under the attention as usual, James did an exaggerated bow and ran a hand through his messy
hair.

“As the Gryffindor and Slytherin teams line up, Potter messes up his hair for the upteenth
time! He probably thinks he looks cool, but he really just looks like a twat.” Remus heard
McGonagall grumble from behind him, so he quickly cleared his throat and continued.
“Gryffindor Captain Marlene McKinnon steps up to shake hands with Slytherin Captain
Regulus Black. Now, remember Marly, if you break his hand then you’ll have a better chance
of catching the Snitch first!”

“Lupin!”

“Sorry, Professor! I was only kidding, really.” Remus smiled sweetly at her. “The Captains
have shaken hands, all bones intact, and…Madam Hooch blows her whistle! The game has
begun!”

Sirius loved Quidditch. He liked the feeling of pushing off from the ground, the wind
whistling in his ears, watching the students turn into a multicolored blur. He took it all in—
the broom beneath his hands, the swooping feeling in his gut as he sped through the sky, the
crowd screaming behind him. This would be his last ever Quidditch game. Unlike James, he
wasn’t going to pursue any kind of professional Quidditch career after school. He could, if he
wanted, but truthfully he didn’t know what he wanted.
None of that mattered now though. He forced himself to be in the moment, to appreciate the
first of many lasts he knew he’d be experiencing this year. Drawing his eyes away from the
game for a moment, he looked over at Remus in the announcer’s box, McGonagall glowering
behind him. He was in his element, cracking jokes and making sarcastic comments as
McGonagall slowly got more and more agitated.

Looking away from Remus, Sirius did a few laps around the pitch, watching the Slytherin
beaters carefully. Gryffindor was winning by twenty points when Sirius decided to go a little
higher for more of a bird’s eye view. He didn’t go too far, in case he was needed, so he ended
up hovering just above the game, eyes scanning the players below him. He caught sight of
Remus again, cheering as Gryffindor scored, and remembered the night before.

As he let himself fly a bit lower, he thought about how Remus had actually let him sleep in
bed with him (on purpose, all night) when there was a loud whoosh by his ear, and a bludger
streaked past him. Sirius spun around, and was met with the leering face of one of the
Slytherin beaters.

“Don’t get distracted, Black. You wouldn’t want to get hurt and ruin that pretty face of
yours.”

“I appreciate the compliment, Goyle, but you’re not my type.” Sirius hit the bludger hard,
and Goyle nearly fell off his broom in an attempt to avoid it.

“Nice one, Pads!” James said on his way past. Sirius grinned at him. He was just about to
respond when the other Slytherin beater, who was behind Sirius, hit the bludger back towards
him. Sirius didn’t see it this time, and it slammed into his broom, splintering the handle and
causing Sirius to be chucked off towards the hard, snowy ground.

“Potter makes another goal, bringing the score up to 60-20, with Gryffindor in the lead!” The
crowd cheered. Remus watched the game idly for a moment, waiting for something
interesting to happen. A gasp rippled through the crowd and Remus watched as Goyle hit a
bludger at Sirius. Thankfully, he managed to hit it back. “Black and Goyle seem to have had
an altercation involving a near miss with a bludger. I’m sure it’s hard to get through his thick
head, but surely Goyle knows it’s against the rules to— Sirius watch out !” It was no use.

Sirius wouldn’t have been able to dodge the bludger in time.

Remus watched, as if in slow motion, as Sirius fell to the ground, landing in a heap on the
remnants of last night’s snow. Gasps echoed through the stands, and Remus sat in shocked
silence, unable to say anything at all.

An hour later, Sirius was tucked away in a hospital bed, still under the effects of whatever
potions Pomfrey had given him. Remus sat to the left of him, holding his hand (because he
wanted to, although he tried to justify it by thinking James would get a kick out of it). Peter
 and James were sitting on his right side and Lily at the foot of the bed. The rest of the team
was outside, as Ponmfrey would only allow a few guests at a time.

“Padfoot! How do you feel?” James asked, when Sirius first opened his eyes.

“Er, hungry,” he said, blinking up at the ceiling. “Head hurts a bit.”

Everyone let out a sigh of relief.

“We were really worried,” Lily said, hands tangled in her lap, eyes wide.

“Sorry, Flower,” He grinned down at her then looked over at James. “Did we win?”

“Well, we had to end the game once you fell, but we were winning before that and Slytherin
got disqualified so basically we won.”

Sirius sat up too fast, yelped when a sharp pain shot through his head, and was pushed back
down again by Peter and Remus.

“That’s brilliant,” he said with a grin, hand pressed up against his throbbing head.

“ Sirius ,” Remus tutted, “you fell a really long way!”

“What?” Sirius asked, cracking a small smile, “did you think I was seriously injured?”

“You broke some ribs and your arm, and, need I reiterate, fell nearly twenty feet!” Remus
exclaimed. Sirius turned to look at him, as if he’d only just realized he was there, and his
eyes traveled down to their connected hands. Remus tried to pull his hands away, but Sirius
was too quick for him and held on tight.

“Mending bones is nothing, Moons. Surely—” Sirius broke off, realizing what he was about
to say. “Er, I mean...Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” murmured Remus quietly, eyes cast downwards towards their connected hands.
His heart was pounding still from the experience of watching Sirius fall, and then collapse,
onto the ground. It was the closest he’d ever come to losing Sirius, and he felt ill at the
thought of having to live a life without him in it.

For the first time, sitting in a hard wooden chair, hand in hand with Sirius under the bright
Hospital Wing lights, Remus thought—

Is this what it feels like to be in love?

Chapter End Notes

I hope you liked the chapter !! When I was writing it I got some ~really~ good ideas for
future chapters so get excited for that haha. see you next time ! ily ! pls comment and
kudos <3
 the epitome of youth
Chapter Notes

good evening! i've been pretty busy lately so it's been a few days since my last update,
but I'm hoping i'll have some time to just chill and write soon. my main note for this
chapter is that i've added midterms to hogwarts? i assumed they had like pre-christmas
break tests but i don't think they do and honestly i don't even think it's a think in the
U.K. in general. anyway, they're a part of the story now lol.

EDITED: 6.29.21
bit of filler chapter tbh & I didn't edit much! hopefully I'll get the next edited chapter out
this week too :)

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“ It’s dusk falling to dark.

I listen to music.

I eat up a few wild poems

while time creeps along

as though it’s got all day.

This is what I have,

The dull hangover of waiting,

the blush of my heart on the damp grass,

the flower-faced moon. ”

— “little crazy love song,” mary oliver

It was early afternoon when the snow started up again. The Marauders were lounged about
the common room, trying to study for their exams and ignore the sounds of the younger kids
screeching happily as they ran around outside.

“Why are they having so much fun ?” Sirius groaned, letting his head fall onto his open
potions textbook. He’d been let out of the hospital wing around lunch, and was feeling much
better. Madam Pomfrey had given him a potion for his headache and he couldn’t even feel his
recently mended bones anymore. His only lasting wound was his now destroyed broomstick
(his friends had to listen to hours of “ I just bought it! I mean I’d ridden it like, a handful of
times and… ” In short, they had been carefully avoiding any conversation that could possibly
turn towards Quidditch since lunch).

“I suspect they aren’t as stressed about getting good grades as we are. We’ve got NEWTS
coming up, and these mid-term exams give us a good look at our end of year exams,” Remus
said. He was laying across the couch, face hidden behind a book. Old assignments and papers
littered the ground around him. Occasionally he’d summon one, read it over, then let it fall
back down onto the rug.

“ I’m not stressed about grades.” Sirius said firmly, sitting up again and turning to look at
Remus. Sirius was sprawled out on the rug next to the fire, a neat stack of books next to his
head. Remus looked up from behind his Ancient Runes book and gave Sirius a pointed look.
Sirius groaned again. “Oh, Merlin, I am stressed about grades…” he let his head fall back
down onto his book.

“Just think! One week from now we’ll be done with exams, Christmas will be days away, and
we’ll be at Hogsmeade,” James said, staring dreamily out of the snow-speckled window.

“I am excited for Christmas…” said Sirius thoughtfully, as if it had only just occurred to
him.

“Really?” said Peter, jumping at any excuse to look away from the astronomy paper of
Remus’ he was trying to decipher.

“Yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say you’re excited for Christmas,” said James,
eyebrows furrowed. Sirius rolled onto his back, so he was staring up at the ceiling.

“Well, you wouldn’t be excited either if you were going back to the Black household. Orion
and Walburga are a nightmare, not to mention the rest of them. Narcissa isn’t the worst, but
Bellatrix can be awful. And then there’s their husbands…” The boys sat quietly as they
listened to Sirius. He didn’t often go on about his family, but they all knew they weighed
heavy on his mind. They’d all comforted Sirius after his nightmares, hugging him tightly and
unsure if they could bring up the things he’d muttered as he tossed about in his sheets. No,
please, no, don’t—

Presently, Sirius took a breath, and continued. “They’re all just constantly nagging at me and
trying to get under my skin, since I’m the disappointment of the family, as they often remind
me. Andromeda is the only cool one, but of course she’s not allowed anywhere near our
Christmas since she married Ted, the muggleborn, and had a baby with him. She’ll sneak me
presents occasionally, or send them straight to Hogwarts.”

“I’m sorry, Sirius,” Remus said, quietly.

“Yeah, mate. I know how much your biological family sucks . But you’re a Potter now, not to
mention a Marauder. You never have to set foot in that house again, I promise,” said James.
“You know we’ll beat any of them up if they try to get near you,” Peter added, in a rare show
of bravery. (Peter wasn’t perhaps the most outwardly brave, but they all knew he would do
anything for his friends. They all would.)

Sirius chuckled. “Thanks guys. You know, this Christmas will be the first I’ve spent here at
Hogwarts,” he said, sitting up and looking around at his friends.

“We’ll make it the best Christmas of your life,” said Remus, smiling at Sirius. James grinned
widely.

“Yeah! We’ve got our first, and last, Marauder’s Hogwarts Christmas party planned…”

“And the spiked eggnog!” added Peter.

“Are you guys really going to spike that eggnog? That isn’t very befitting of a Head Boy,
Prongs.” Remus said, pretending to be serious but failing to hide the smile playing across his
lips.

“Pretty sure that being Head Boy actually gives me more power than you, Mr. Prefect, so yes,
the eggnog will be spiked, and I’m afraid that there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Well, you can’t say I didn’t try.”

The four boys slipped back into an easy silence, flipping open their books again and reading
back over their papers. They were interrupted again, however, when Sirius spoke a few
minutes later. He was resting on his elbows, looking over his potions textbook with furrowed
brows, strands of hair falling into his eyes. Remus had secretly been watching him over the
top of his book for some time.

“Does anyone know what potions Slughorn is going to have us make?” Sirius asked. Remus
quickly brought his eyes back to his textbook before anyone saw who he had been looking
at.

“Dunno. Ask Lily, I’m sure she’d know,” said James, not looking up from an old charms
essay.

“You could ask Snivellus, his other favorite,” suggested Peter, sniggering.

“Yeah, right. I’d rather kiss the giant squid than ask him for potions help. Can you imagine?”
Sirius said, pretending to gag.

“We need to get those Slytherins back for what they did at the game today,” said James,
pushing away his studying for a more interesting topic.

“Something big …” Sirius added, rolling onto his bag, like a starfish on the old plush carpet.
It was in moments like that that it struck Remus just how similar Sirius was to his dog
counterpart.

“Sirius, are you going to study any more?” Remus asked, closing his book with a soft snap.
“No, don’t think so.” Sirius turned to look at him, and Remus thought his heart might burst. It
was silly, considering they’d been in the same room all afternoon together, but something
about him looking Remus straight in the eyes, hair messy, and a soft smile on his face, made
Remus’s heart beat wildly. (he looked gorgeous).

“Would you mind running down and getting snacks from the kitchens? I’m thinking—”
began Remus, desperately trying to push down his feelings. He couldn’t finish his sentence
however, because Sirius swung his head around to look at James, eyes alight.

“The kitchens!” he exclaimed, jumping up onto his feet. “Moony, you’re a genius!”

“I—what?” Remus asked, taken aback. Sirius grabbed his hands and pulled him up from the
couch, a mischievous smile already forming on his lips. At that moment, Remus thought he
looked like the epitome of youth. He tried to memorize every inch of his face, knowing their
future lay uncertain and dangerous in front of them, and such moments of frivolous
childhood fun might soon be hard to find.

That brief moment looking into his eyes gave Remus that same feeling he’d gotten as he
began announcing his final ever Quidditch game. The last year of school, he found, brought
forth new and strange feelings. Every day was a new “last”. Last sorting ceremony they’d see
at Hogwarts, last Halloween in the Gryffindor common room, last time they’d watch through
the old glass panes as autumn melted into winter and the first snow fell upon the grounds. It
was hard to recognize the gravity of the endings as they happened, hard for Remus to truly
understand in the moment.

Hogwarts was his home, and he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to say goodbye—wasn’t
sure how any of them could say goodbye.

***

Sirius, refusing to tell anyone his plan, led his friends to the kitchens, his and Remus’s fingers
laced together the whole way down.

Remus was becoming used to holding his hand, and thought he might miss it when they were
no longer pretending to date.

When they reached the hallway, they had to quickly duck behind a tapestry as a few shivering
second-year Hufflepuffs shuffled past, all lost in thoughts of warm clothes and lazy
afternoons and a big crackling fire. The boys grinned at each other, energy lost studying
replaced by the thrill and adrenaline of breaking the rules.

Sirius tickled the pear on the portrait to the kitchens, and they entered, the elves greeting
them enthusiastically.
 “Mr. Black, sir, what is it you are needing today?” The elf’s eyes were wide, a tiered cake
wobbling in her arms. James took the cake from her before it toppled over and set it on a
nearby table.

“Well, my dear Moony here would like some snacks…” Sirius was scanning the room,
watching the elves carrying food this way and that.

“Surely you didn’t bring everyone down here just so I could get food. I thought you had a
plan,” Remus said, following Sirius’s eyes with his own. Sirius turned to him with a wide
grin.

“Oh I do, darling,”—Remus’s heart fluttered—”but you have the floor.” He made an
exaggerated gesture towards the small army of elves that had gathered to take his order.
Remus perched himself on the edge of a chair, and thought about what he wanted.

“I’m not feeling all that great,” he began, feeling the residual aches in his bones deeply once
he spoke it aloud, “so perhaps I’ll just have a bar of chocolate, if you’ve got any.”

“Oh, we do, Mr. Lupin. Would you like a tea?” the elf before him asked. Remus was going to
say no, but felt persuaded by the wide-eyed creature in front of him.

“Um, alright. If it’s no trouble.”

“No trouble at all, sir.”

Remus leant back in his chair and watched as the elves scurried away, all on a mission to get
his chocolate and boil his water.

“Something about house elves just doesn’t sit right with me…” mused Remus, watching
them work. His friends were paying no attention to him, but were watching Sirius pace the
length of the room. James was watching anxiously, wanting to be included, and Peter was
watching with his eyes wide, as usual, as if awed by the boy before him.

It wasn’t until two small house elves delivered Remus his steaming tea cup and massive bar
of chocolate that Sirius finally spoke up. He was standing at the head of one of the long,
wooden tables.

“This is the Slytherin table, isn’t it?” Sirius asked one of the elves, hands pressed flat against
the old wood.

“Yes, sir. What is it you are needing?” The elf probed.

“I’ve got a favor to ask.”

Chapter End Notes

i hope you enjoyed the chapter! i've loved reading the comments you've all been leaving
so thank you for that!
 for my friends
Chapter Notes

thank you all for almost 1,000 hits !

EDITED: 07.04.21
first of all I would just like to say that originally when I posted this chapter I had just hit
1k hits, and now! a few days ago I hit 20k !! thank you all so much I've loved reading all
your comments and seeing all the love you've given this little fic ! <3
secondly, I am actually adding dates to the chapters. they do not align with the actual
days of december 1977 though lol. I also changed the ending of this chapter quite a bit
so it doesn't fit with the beginning of chapter nine anymore ! beware ! okay goodbye !!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“ Tell me tomorrow I'll wait by the window for you

I'll wait by the big house for you

I'll wait by the squeezebox for you

I'll wait by your dresses for you ”

— “run,” stephen fretwell

All four Marauders were grinning widely when they walked into the Great Hall that evening
for dinner. It had taken a lot of convincing, but the house elves had eventually agreed to their
plan. (One might say that the house elves had been forced into the prank, but the Marauders
would swear that wasn’t true.)

“Brilliant job boys,” James said promptly after they’d sat down, still giddy with adrenaline.
He and Peter high-fived.

“Oh, I’ve missed this,” Sirius said, sighing happily.

Remus snorted. “What? Dinner?”

“ No , silly. The thrill of pulling off pranks, ruining the days of countless Slytherins.” Sirius
shook his head reverently. “Nothing compares.”

“Oh no, what have you lot done now?” Lily asked, sliding into her seat next to James.
“Nothing,” Peter responded immediately.

Lily raised her eyebrows and looked over at Remus.

“Don’t look at me,” Remus said, arms raised defensively. “I’m not telling.”

Tutting, Sirius pulled Remus closer to him, glaring teasingly over at Lily. “Picking on our
little Moony here because you think he’s an easy target, are you? Just because he actually
studies for his exams and wears button-downs under his sweaters you think he’ll break
Marauder code? Oh, Lily, it’s like you haven’t known us for seven years.” He shook his head
solemnly, still holding Remus tightly around the waist. What he did not know was that
Remus’ face was flushed a bright red, and he was desperately hoping Sirius couldn’t feel his
heart pounding.

Thankfully, Lily did see these things. “All right, all right, bloody hell,” she said, rolling her
eyes. “Let the poor lad go, you’re suffocating him.”

(He wasn’t really, but Remus figured it was better than the reality— Sorry Sirius, it just made
me a little flustered when you wrapped your arms around me and held me to your chest and I
could smell my shampoo in your hair and feel your heart beating against me and—)

“Oops, Sorry Moons.”

“Oh, s’alright,” Remus replied (far too breathlessly, in his opinion). He shifted a few inches
away from Sirius.

“You two are as bad as Hest and Marls over there,” Mary Macdonald said, speaking up for
the first time that evening. She gave a nod to Marlene and Hestia, who were sitting next to
Remus and Sirius, their heads bent together as they whispered and giggled. Hearing her name
however, Marlene looked up.

“Oi!” The exclamation had come from both Sirius and Marlene, who were wearing almost
identical pouts.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sirius asked.

“Oh, you know…” Mary waved a hand, “always cuddling and whispering and giggling and
acting like you’re the only two in the whole world.”

Remus looked down at his empty plate. Did they do that? Before he could fall down too
much of a rabbit hole, Remus noticed James waving his arms around wildly in an attempt to
get their attention.

The food had just appeared—meaning the prank had begun.

Sirius immediately dropped his conversation with the girls, and swung his head around,
trying to see the Slytherin’s first reactions.

It was quite funny. At first, they didn’t seem to notice anything was amiss, but slowly, as they
heard the clink of glasses and china and heard the students delight in the dinner before them,
heads began to turn, and the Slytherins realised that they were the only table who hadn’t
received any food.

“Is this a joke?” Regulus Black muttered to his friends, glaring at the Gryffindor table, laden
with food. Sirius sniggered at this, and sent his brother an overly-cheery wave. Regulus
rolled his eyes and looked away from them, down to his empty plate.

Some people who had friends in other houses were going over to get food from them, and
eventually all the commotion caught Dumbledore’s attention. He announced that he was
going to the kitchens to speak to the elves, and promptly swept out of the hall.

“Hm, that was anticlimactic,” sighed James, sipping his pumpkin juice.

“Do you think Dumbledore will figure out it was us when he goes downstairs to find we
covered the Slytherin table in socks?” Sirius asked.

“Yeah, I imagine,” Remus said with a short laugh. Lily looked disapprovingly at them from
across the table.

“That was not nice!” she exclaimed.

“Well, they wouldn’t do what I asked. It was Peter’s idea anyway,” Sirius shrugged.

“If they don’t give us food for our party tonight, Black, we’re going to have an issue,”
Marlene told him, waving her wand at him rather threateningly. Sirius leant closer to Remus,
as if Remus might save him from whatever hex Marlene would throw his way.

“There won’t be any issues, McKinnon ,” said Sirius. “I told the elves we had to do it because
the Slytherins were going on a trip to Hogsmeade for the evening and wouldn’t be eating in
the hall tonight, so if I put the socks on the table they wouldn’t forget to not put food on it.”

“You lied to them?” Lily said, exasperated.

“Yeah, it wasn’t even a good lie,” Mary said, eyebrows furrowed.

“Well, what were they going to do, check ?” Sirius snorted, as if such an idea was
ridiculous.

“I mean, they might have. The elves do go around the castle, it’s not like they’re locked in the
kitchen. You’d know that if you read Hogwarts: A History,” Remus pointed out.

“I’ve read Hogwarts: A History, obviously . What do you think I read as a child, fairy tales?”

The Slytherins did eventually get their meal, but were left to eat alone in the hall, with
Slughorn as chaperone. The Gryfindor seventh years were the first to leave, already getting
excited for their Quidditch victory party. Sirius had reached out to grab Remus’ hand and
Marlene was mid-way through a rant about how she wished there was somewhere they could
get some muggle Vodka, when McGonagall stepped in front of them. She trained her eyes on
Remus, Sirius, James, and Peter.

“Good evening boys. Follow me, please.” McGonagall saying please, in Sirius’ opinion, was
generally a good sign. She’d at least retained some basic manners. They had done worse,
after all.

Being seasoned rule-breakers, the Marauders were hardly even nervous after being sat down
in front of McGonagall, her eyes roaming over them disapprovingly in silence. Peter was the
only one cracking under the pressure, and kept shooting nervous glances at his friends.

“I know it was you four who pulled that stunt at dinner,” she said eventually, hands clasped
on her office table. “It always is.”

“It was my idea,” Remus announced, meeting her eyes calmly and coolly. Immediately
sensing where he was going, Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but Remus kicked him under
the chair. “I didn’t like the way they acted at the game today, and I wanted to get them back,
for my friends. You know it was against the rules, what Goyle and Mulciber did. They
completely ganged up on Sirius.”

“So Potter, Black, and Pettigrew weren’t involved at all?” McGonagall asked, eyebrows
raised. “That seems unlikely…”

“We were involved, Professor. It wasn’t just Remus,” James said quickly, before Remus
could speak. Sirius watched Remus’ frown deepen as he huffed in irritation.

McGonagall looked between them all, and smiled ever so slightly. “I’ll give you a warning
this time boys, because it’s Christmas. But I’d like you to stay out of trouble for the next few
weeks, as it will be a detention next time.”

“Thanks, Minnie. We’ll do our best,” James said, with the serious air of a man finishing up
some successful business deal. McGonagall didn’t comment on the nickname, but Sirius saw
her purse her lips in a way that suggested she was trying not to smile.

“Have you got any more biscuits?” Sirius asked.

“Yes, I have, Mr. Black.” McGonagall sighed in a fond way and pulled out her old biscuit tin.
Sirius thanked her with a grin, grabbed two biscuits, and handed one to Remus as they
walked out the door. (After all four boys had profusely thanked her for letting them off the
hook).

“Thanks, Sirius,” Remus said once they’d made it into the hall. He nibbled on the edge of his
cookie.

“You didn’t have to take the blame, you know.” James said, his own biscuit in his hand.

“It didn’t really matter to me.” Remus shrugged. “I didn’t want you lot to get in trouble.
Besides, it should have been me who came up with something. What they did to you was
totally out of line, Pads.”
He spoke with such passion, and Sirius felt his heart swell with affection. He looked over at
Remus fondly, and slipped his biscuit-free hand into Remus’s biscuit-free hand. He thought
he saw Remus blush a little, but couldn’t be entirely sure.

“Thanks, Rem.”

When they arrived at the Common Room, decorations were beginning to go up, under the
direction of Hestia and Mary. Another group of Gryffindors, led by Marlene, sat in the corner
hunched over a long piece of parchment, arguing loudly about what food they should get
from the kitchens.

Sirius, Remus, James, and Peter slipped past them all and headed up to their dormitory to
drop off the Marauder’s Map, which they’d used earlier when sneaking down to the kitchens.

Sirius was rummaging through his trunk in search of something to wear to the party when
Peter cleared his throat.

“Erm, Padfoot? I think there’s an owl for you,” Peter said. He’d walked over to the window
where a large dark owl was pecking at the glass.

“ Shit ,” Sirius swore, sitting back on his heels. He looked over at the owl and then the shirt
in his hands. Everyone was quiet as they watched him. “It’s Bellatrix’s owl,” he eventually
explained, sighing.

“Oh. Shall I read it to you?” James asked. He swung the window open, and let the owl perch
on his finger. Remus untied the letter, and unfurled it. Peter stood on his tip-toes to try and
read it over Remus’ shoulder.

“I can read, Prongs.”

“I know, idiot.” James smiled sweetly at him, then plucked the letter from Remus’ hands. He
put on a ridiculous high-pitched aristocratic drawl as he read. “ Dearest cousin, I should
probably be addressing you as just ‘Sirius’ now, since you’ve been burnt off the family tree,
but I am writing this letter on behalf of your mother as a kind of olive branch. A peace
offering if you will— ”

“She doesn’t beat around the bush does she? Bloody hell,” Peter muttered, joining Sirius on
the floor by his trunk. Remus perched on the edge of his bed. Sirius had the ridiculous
thought that they all looked a bit like children being read a bedtime story. (A bedtime story
from hell).

“I’m reading, Peter dear.” Peter rolled his eyes. James ignored him. “ Your mother and father
would like you to return home for the Christmas holidays. You’re expected to be at the dinner
Christmas eve. There will be very important guests there. You may have been removed from
the wall, but it is important to retain loyalty to one's blood. A time is coming when we all
must pick sides, and it is prudent that you do not forget blood and magic will always be
stronger than friendship. I’m expecting a response as soon as you receive this. Your cousin,
Bellatrix. ”

“Well that was…alarming,” James said, trying to put on a faux-bright voice. When Sirius
looked up at him however he could see James’ frown and furrowed brows as he stared down
at the letter.

“Don’t listen to her, Pads,” Remus said softly. “You know what they say—the blood of the
covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”

“What? Who says that?” Peter asked.

“Muggles. It’s, er…it’s a Bible thing. Religion. Anyway , the point is that blood isn’t more
important than the friendships and bonds we form outside of family. Bellatrix is wrong.”

“Yeah, I know.” Sirius smiled weakly at him. He did know, but it was nice to be reminded.
The Black name was just that—a name. He wasn’t a Black; he had his own family, and they
were all sitting around him. “Sounds like a nightmare, honestly. I mean, another Black
Christmas party? As if I haven’t suffered through enough of those.” Sirius flopped onto his
back. “I swear, Bellatrix is going to kill me one day. I mean, who does she think she is? She’s
my cousin, not my mother .”

“I’m surprised your mother didn’t write you, actually,” James said, handing Sirius the letter.
He took it, and ripped it into shreds.

“I imagine she’ll be next. Perhaps a howler, that’ll be really her style,” Sirius looked over at
the owl then. “You can tell Bellatrix to fuck off, if you don’t mind.”

James glanced at the owl, then back at Sirius.

“I’m not sure if you’ve forgotten, but I don’t think he can speak.”

Sirius stomped over to his desk, grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill, and wrote “ fuck
off. —Your dearest (not) cousin, Sirius. ” in his finest cursive. Signing it with a flourish, he
tied the letter to the owl’s leg and flung it unceremoniously back out of the window

“You’re brave, mate,” James commented, watching the owl fly into the clouds.

“Well I’m in Gryffindor for a reason, aren’t I?” Sirius sat back down on the floor with a
grumble.

Remus watched as Sirius quietly went back to looking through his clothes. Pre-party Sirius
was never this melancholy, and Remus cast concerned looks at James and Peter.

“I think you should wear that blue shirt, Padfoot,” Peter said, breaking the silence. He
crawled across the floor to sit next to him and plucked the shirt out of Sirius’ hands. “It, er…
brings out the blue in your eyes!”
 “Oh, and those dark jeans!” James added enthusiastically. “You know, the ones that make
your arse look amazing.”

Sirius huffed out a laugh. Remus had a suspicion that Sirius knew what they were doing, but
he let them shower him in praise anyway.

Sirius held up the two pieces of clothing. “Any thoughts, Moony, fashion extraordinaire?”

“I am most definitely not a fashion extraordinaire.” Remus rolled his eyes, then softened his
voice as he looked back at Sirius. “But you’ll look great, Pads.”

“Thanks, Rem.” Sirius’ voice was just as soft as he responded.

James (always a moment-ruiner) clapped loudly. “ Alright! I think it’s time you put your
clothes on and we all go get absolutely plastered, hm?”

“Sounds brilliant.”

Chapter End Notes

hi :) next chapter will most likely be the end of saturday and the party. also, i've
introduced the whole marlene/hestia thing in this chap! this fic is wolfstar mostly, but
marlene and hestia will pop up occasionally 4 me and my fellow lesbians. i hope you
liked this chapter! comment and kudos if you'd like ! <3
 gorgeous, isn't it?
Chapter Notes

EDITED: 7.8.21
okay so major edits in this chapter--the title, the quote at the start, and also everyone's
intoxication levels. they are all drunk now. the whole chapter. because why not. also
remus is definitely a floppy, affectionate drunk. i modeled him after one of my friends
who spends most of their time while drunk on the floor, and who also will probably
never read this fic (but that's okay). love u all hope you like the new and improved
chapter :))

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“and all of the things i know

that your parents don’t

they don’t care like i do

nowhere like i do

nowhere like i do

‘cause i care, i care about you

there’s nowhere i’d rather be

than right here around you”

—“saturday nights,” khalid

“Oh wow . This is it. This is my favorite song.”

“That’s what you said during the last song, Sirius.”

“It’s David Bowie, Remus. All of his songs are my favorite.”

“Your favorite ? As in singular favorite? So all of his songs in one big long massive song is
your favorite song. I wonder how long that would be. Probably really long I mean if all of his
songs are like roughly four, five minutes long and then—”

“You need another drink.”

Remus was sprawled out on their favorite couch, one leg thrown over Sirius’ lap. When
Sirius went to move, Remus gasped and bolted upright. “ No , don’t go. I’m so, so tipsy. I’m
in the fun-zone . I’m…I’m a little dizzy.”

Then, he crawled right into Sirius’ lap, making himself comfortable and resting his head on
Sirius’ chest with a little sigh. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Remus recognized how
odd it was that Sirius hadn’t even made one comment about their position. Thinking back on
it, Remus realized he had been a little off all evening. A little less loud, a little less
enthusiastic. He figured it had something to do with his parents and the letter, and a familiar
hatred for Sirius’ relatives bubbled up inside of him.

Almost as if he could read Remus’ mind, Sirius spoke.

“Moony?”

“Yes, Padfoot?”

“Do my parents think I’m weak?”

Remus looked up then, his brow furrowed. “Why would they think that?”

“Well, it’s just that they’re asking me back home to…to meet important people . I think that
they want to recruit me. You know, get me in with Voldemort or whatever. But do they think
I’m that weak?” Sirius’ voice had dropped to a whisper now, barely heard over the music and
chatter around them. Remus clung on to every word he spoke, a small frown on his lips. “I’ve
left home, I don’t stand for anything they stand for and they still think to make me come
home? As if I’m—I’m cowardly enough to just leave behind my morals, my friends ?”

Remus didn’t respond right away, merely looked at Sirius in silence for a moment longer. “I
think they’re scared of you. They know what side you’re going to choose, and they know that
they won’t be able to control you anymore. Control who you are, what you say, what you do.
You’re a fucking brilliant wizard, Sirius. Anyone can see that you’d be an asset to their
side.”

“You get very philosophical when you’re drunk,” Sirius said, grinning at Remus.

“It’s the lycanthropy.”

“Oh, is it?”

Remus rested his head back on Sirius’ chest. “Yeah.”

Sirius chuckled a little nervously as Remus squirmed against him and brought his arms to
wrap around Sirius tightly. “Getting comfy, are we?”

“Just having a little cwtch.”

“A little what ?” Sirius felt more than saw Remus’ smile. “Are you speaking Welsh to me?”

“‘S just a cuddle, Pads.”

Sirius enjoyed loud, high-energy parties, but in that moment he hardly even minded that he’d
spent most of the evening with Remus curled up against him. Something about the way Sirius
could feel the puffs of Remus’ breath against the thin material of his shirt, or the way his
fingers were tracing little lines and shapes against his back, made Sirius’ heart want to burst.

Of course, their peaceful bubble didn’t last for long.

“Padfoot! You weren’t supposed to let him drink more than one!” That was James,
materializing from bloody nowhere and still somehow mothering Sirius around despite the
fact that he had to be at least as drunk as Sirius himself. “You know how he gets when he
drinks right after the you-know-what. All floppy and clingy.”

“He’s always floppy and clingy when he’s drunk,” Sirius pointed out

“Yes but usually it takes a bit more than two Firewhiskeys to get him there.”

“Stop being so responsible, Prongs,” Remus murmured, looking up from his spot on Sirius's
chest. “Go snog your girlfriend.”

James raised an eyebrow at him. Sirius tutted. “Well, you heard the man. Are you really
going to say no ?”

“I…I suppose I wouldn’t say no…”

“That’s a good lad,” Remus said. He gave James a sharp salute before watching him walk
away in search of Lily.

***

“Moony, Moony! This is it! My favorite song!” Sirius jumped around Remus, making him
giggle. Not long after they’d gotten rid of James, Sirius had made Remus get up and dance
(much to his chagrin).

“This is still David Bowie.”

“Oh, I know. Staying back in your memory, are the movies in the dark …”

“Oh, Sirius, you really don’t need to sing it.” Remus was still giggly, and began laughing
even more when Sirius swept him into his arms and began twirling him around the room.

“ How you moved is all it takes, to sing a song of when I loved —” Sirius spun them around
faster until they both collapsed onto the closest armchair, Remus back in Sirius’ lap, “— the
prettiest star. ”
Remus stared into Sirius’ blue-grey eyes (more blue this evening—Peter had been right. The
shirt did bring out the blue in his eyes), the only thoughts flitting through his head were that
Sirius was the prettiest star he’d ever seen, and he was so, so in love with him. Then he
thought that he should never ever drink again because apparently it made him ten times more
of a romantic than when he was sober. Then he realized that he’d been staring into Sirius’
eyes in silence for far too long.

“Moony?”

“Yes, Padfoot?”

“Truth or dare?”

Remus snorted. “Really?”

“ Yes . Go on, you have to answer.”

“Well, as Pete pointed out earlier, we actually don’t have any rules for truth or dare, so I don’t
have to answer.” Remus felt the flutter of Sirius’s breath on the side of his face as he sighed
deeply.

“ Remus .”

“Okay, okay. Truth.” Remus chuckled at the glare Sirius sent his way. “You can’t always pick
dare, you know.”

“Fine. Do you love me?” He spoke quietly, and Remus hardly even heard him over the
increasing din of the party. He let his eyes flick around the room. James and Lily were
pouring over the list for the kitchens, and Peter was talking animatedly with a sixth year girl
in the corner. He looked back at Sirius. His eyes were big, and a loose curl had fallen out of
place and had stopped to rest centimeters from his eyelashes. Remus, despite his better
judgement, pushed the hair back behind his ear.

“Of course I love you, Sirius. You know that.”

“Yeah,” he said slowly, catching Remus’s hand as it fell from his face, and holding it in one
of his, threading their fingers together. “But do you love me, love me?”

Suddenly, Remus didn’t feel like they were pretending anymore. He wasn’t even sure how
drunk Sirius was. He wasn’t sure how drunk he was himself, if he was being honest. He
opened his mouth to answer, not sure what was going to come out of it, but was saved by
James sauntering over, Lily at his heels.

“ Goodness me,” began James, voice high pitched in an—admittedly wonderful—impression

of his mother. “What have we got here?”

“Merlin, can’t even cuddle in peace these days!” Sirius groaned. “Where’d that girl go? With
the drinks? P… P something. What was her name?”

“I don’t think you need any more alcohol.”

“So you admit you’re cuddling?”

Lily and James had spoken in synchronicity, but Sirius only bothered to respond to Lily.

“I’ve only had two .”

“Three, I think,” Remus corrected.

“Four?” James suggested

“You’re all ganging up on me!” Sirius sighed dramatically, and hid his face in Remus’s
shoulder. “Where’s Wormtail? That sweet boy would never betray me like this…”

“Right, well, we came here to say that you and Lily are going down to the kitchens to get the
food, Moony. There was a bit of a fight about what to get, so that’s why it took so long to get
the list in order,” said James, absentmindedly running a hand through his messy hair as he
glanced down at the list in front of him.

“Why me and Lily?” Remus asked, beginning to extract himself from the cage that was Sirius
desperately gripping onto him. “I’m not sure I’ll be able to make it out of the portrait hole
without falling, honestly. Everything’s quite wobbly. ”

“We all thought the elves would be nicest to you two, after what happened this evening.”
James remembered the incident with a smile. “And Lily can help you. We’d send someone
sober but honestly I just don’t trust any of them enough with our precious snacks.”

“Yeah, alright I guess that makes—Sirius, please let go of me!”

Five minutes later Lily and Remus found themselves walking down the deserted Hogwarts
hallways. They were Head Girl and a Prefect, respectively, so neither felt too nervous
walking around after hours. There were, however, other reasons to be nervous.

The first was that Remus kept tripping over nothing, and probably wouldn’t have been able to
walk in a straight line even if he was being held at gunpoint. He was putting most of his
energy into at least standing upright (earlier, after he’d finally freed himself from Sirius’
embrace, he’d promptly collapsed onto the floor. Lily was still giggling about it). If they were
caught by a teacher, Remus was sure they’d see right through his careful, albeit wobbly,
steps.

The second reason was that Remus and Lily still hadn’t truly spoken since she made her
discovery about Remus being a werewolf, but Remus was desperate to clear the air. Lily was
one of his best friends, and the thought of her thinking bad of him because of his lycanthropy
made him feel ill. The problem was, he couldn’t come up with any conversation starters.

“So, heard you figured out that I’m a werewolf!” Remus thought to himself. He crossed that
off the list; it was too…cheery, he supposed.

“Do you hate me?” Too vague.

“I know I’m a monster, and you must feel really lied to, but I hope we can still be friends?”
Not too bad, Remus thought, but it could definitely use some improvement.

“Remus?” Lily said, out loud. He turned to her, having been so lost in his own thoughts he
hardly remembered she was there.

“Yeah?”

“You know that I know, right?”

“About...about the—”

“Your lycanthropy.”

“Yeah…yeah, I know you know,” he said, eyes trained on his shoes. He wasn’t sure how their
conversation was going to begin, but he hadn’t thought it would be like that. “I’m…I’m
really sorry, Lils. I know you probably feel that I’ve lied to you. We don’t have to hang out
anymore, if you’d like. It’ll be hard, with James and everything, but I’ll just see him when
you aren’t seeing him and—”

“Are you being serious?” Lily asked him. She sounded almost angry, and Remus looked over
at her in surprise.

“Erm…” (The fuzzy, drunk part of his brain very much wanted to make a “ I’m Remus, not
Sirius” joke but thankfully he managed to control himself).

“Of course I want to hang out with you, idiot. You’re the same Remus I love, only now I
know your friends turn into animals once a month.”

“ And I turn into a werewolf,” Remus muttered.

“Well, you haven’t changed in my eyes. You’re still as smart, as funny, as clever, as
handsome —”

Remus laughed. “Okay, okay, I get it. Thank you, Lily.”

“No problem. What was Sirius whispering about earlier?”

“Oh, Merlin, that. He was asking if I loved him. I think he’s quite drunk.” Remus chuckled at
this, but Lily stayed silent, thinking.

“ You’re quite drunk. Do you think he’s into you? I mean, he did sleep in your bed last
night.”

“How’d you hear that?”

“Frank.”

“Well, I don’t think he’s into me. I mean, we’ve been best mates for years, surely he would
say something.”
“That’s pretty poor logic considering you have also been his best mate for years, and could
have said something,” Lily pointed out.

“Oh, true. Well, uh…” Remus grappled with his response. “Oh, I don’t know. I just don’t
think he likes me… in that way.”

“You never know,” Lily nudged him playfully with her shoulder, and he looked over at her,
exasperated. Suddenly though, his eyes widened, all traces of irritation gone.

“Lily! The stars!” He rushed past Lily towards the window that he’d seen over her shoulder.
He pressed his face up against the glass, but once it started fogging up he fumbled with the
latch until it swung open.

“They’re all…spinny,” Lily murmured, leaning cautiously out of the window, hand tight
around the ledge.

“Yeah,” Remus breathed, looking like he’d never seen anything more interesting in his life.
All of a sudden he flipped around, pressing his back against the old stone ledge of the
window and letting his head fall back so he could look up at the stars properly.

He was grinning like a madman, Lily was giggling. “ Remus !” She laughed, grabbing onto
his arm, “be careful!”

“Look! There,” Remus said, pointing upwards with the arm that was being held in Lily’s
death grip. She craned her neck to follow the direction of his finger. “It’s the dippers.” He
moved his finger, tracing the shapes in midair. “The little dipper and the big dipper. They’re
always the first two constellations I look for. My mum used to point them out to me when I
was little. They’re the only constellations I can point out, honestly.”

Lily chuckled. “Seven years of astronomy and all you know are the dippers? Come on, surely
you know more than that.”

“I’ve always been shit at astronomy, Lils. You know that.”

“Yeah but not that shit.” Lily was grinning when she looked down at him. “Point out
something else.”

“Bloody hell, are you quizzing me?”

“Yes. And you’re failing.”

“Alright, alright,” Remus chuckled and looked back up at the sky, scanning the sky and
trying to recognize literally anything. Then he saw it. “Oh, there! In the Canis Major. It’s the
Sirius star, the—”

“—the brightest star in the sky,” Lily finished quietly, no longer looking at the stars, but
rather the soft smile on Remus’ face.

“Yeah. Gorgeous, isn’t it?”

Remus and Lily did eventually pull themselves away from the stars and arrived in the
kitchens without incident. They sat a little awkwardly as the elves—who were rather irritated
after the night’s affair—prepared their food.

By the time they made it back to the common room, following platters upon platters of food
that were levitated in front of them, most of the younger kids had gone to bed and the party
had truly begun. Marlene, Mary, Hestia, and Alice were engaged in an intense game of
Gobstones in one corner. Remus thought he saw Marlene and Hestia holding hands just under
the table. Peter was still talking to the sixth year, and Remus wondered vaguely who she was.
Most of the action was taking place around the fire, where a gaggle of girls sat entranced as
Sirius (who was definitely more drunk than when they’d last seen him) told the tale of his
encounter with Goyle and Mulciber during the Quidditch game earlier that day.

—And then, of course, the two cornered me. I wasn’t worried—I knew I could take the both
of them down if I needed to.”

“You’re so brave,” one girl with curly dark hair said, her eyes wide and hushed voice
bordering on reverence. Remus rolled his eyes.

Sirius shrugged, clearly enjoying the attention. “Nah, it was nothing. They just made a few
threats to my life, the usual. I, obviously, was—oh!” Whoever was manning the record player
had just put on an Abba vinyl, and Sirius’ eyes were as wide as dinner plates. He looked
around until he spotted Remus (near the snacks, naturally) and bounded over to him.
“Moony! It’s Abba! Dance with me, please?”
“What, is it your favorite song?” Remus asked, eyebrow raised.

Sirius said nothing, merely grinning wildly at him (causing Remus to nearly go into cardiac
arrest—he would never get used to those wild, Sirius grins). Then, after scurrying back to his
place in front of the fire, he went straight into a verse of an Abba song. A group of third years
trying to have a conversation nearby glared at him and relocated to a more quiet corner of the
room. James clapped wildly as Sirius started up.

“ Waterlooooo, knowing my fate is to be with youuu —”

“So, Sirius is a closeted Abba fun, huh?” Remus said, crossing over to stand by James.

“He spent nearly all summer listening to the muggle radio. He used to just sit in my dad’s car
with the radio playing on top volume. It was pretty cathartic for him, I think.” James said.

“Besides, who doesn’t know Abba?” Sirius asked, jumping over to them. Remus laughed as
Sirius grabbed his hand and spun him around to the song.

“I’m pretty sure most purebloods in this room couldn’t sing an Abba song word for word,”
Remus pointed out.

“James could.”
 “Yeah, well, James was pretty much forced to listen to hours and hours of your muggle music
over the summer,” said James, crossing his arms.

“And? You loved every minute,” Sirius said, his words slurring a little. He grabbed James’s
hands and swung his arms around, forcing him to dance a little on the spot. Eventually he
conceded with a grin.

“Oh, alright. I didn’t really mind it. In fact, I was rather honored to be a part of your
pureblood-exceptionalism rebellion.”

“There you go, that’s the answer I was looking for.” As the song drew to a close, he jumped
back into action, running back to the center of the room to finish off the last few lines.

“ Ooh, oh Waterlooooo finally facing my Waterloo. Waterlooooo knowing my fate is to be

with youuu. ”

“Have you told him he’s a shit singer?” Remus asked James. He nodded.

“Yeah, I have, believe it or not.”

Chapter End Notes

Good evening! I hope you liked the chapter :). It was actually a pretty long one this
time. Comment and kudos if you'd like! I love reading and responding to your
comments. I hope you're all having a good start to your week!
 padfoot's jacket
Chapter Notes

hi! sorry it's been so long, i've been super busy. because of that, i wouldn't say that this
chapter is all that great, but i hope you enjoy it anyway!

EDITED: 7.12.21
hi everyone :) my main thing with his chapter was just fixing some awkward dialogue
and stuff and also fixing the bit with snape and friends bc it always seemed weird to me!
idk I like it more now enjoy <3

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“ He'll rip your lungs out, Jim

Hunh, I'd like to meet his tailor

Ah-hooo,

werewolves of London”

— “werewolves of london,” warren zevon

sunday, december 15, 1977

“Remus, what the hell are you wearing?” Marlene demanded before Remus could even sit
down.

Remus shrugged. “Padfoot’s jacket.”

Marlene looked questioningly at James and Peter, but they both shrugged. “ Merlin knows, ”
Peter muttered.

“I mean, it definitely doesn’t look bad …” Mary added, tilting her head as she regarded
Remus carefully.

“We’ve swapped clothes,” announced Sirius, rather unnecessarily as he raised his arms to
show off Remus’ too-big knit sweater. “But you’re right, Mary, it does suit him.”

Remus reached for the toast, trying to hide his smile and the blush he could feel creeping up
his neck.
 ***

The night before, Remus had gone to bed a little after midnight, exhausted. Some time later
however, in the very early hours of the morning, he’d heard the tell-tale creak of Sirius’ steps
as he walked into their empty dormitory, the party still in full swing.

“Moony?” he’d whispered, peeking his head around the curtains. He giggled a little,
obviously still somewhat drunk, and then slapped a hand across his mouth as if he’d said
something awful.

Remus had rolled over, feeling like he’d woken up in a fever dream. His stomach hurt and
when he’d tried to open his eyes they were blurry with sleep. Sirius had looked like some
kind of shapeless, angelic glowing blob. “Sirius?” he’d croaked.

“Can I get in?” he’d whispered fervently. Remus had stared up at him a moment in silence,
unsure of what to do. Eventually he scooted over, and flung back the covers, gesturing for
Sirius to get in.

“Feel like we’ve been here before,” mumbled Remus sleepily, as Sirius had gleefully thrown
an arm across Remus’s torso and rested his head on his shoulder. Of course, there was quite a
bit more cuddling than there had been the previous night, but Remus just chalked that up to
the alcohol (and he definitely wasn’t complaining).

“Goodnight,” Sirius had breathed. Remus was glad it was dark and Sirius couldn’t see how
badly he’d been blushing.

“Goodnight.”

In the morning, however, Remus had less romantic thoughts about the situation. He’d woken
up with Sirius almost completely splayed out on top of him and his stomach ache had
intensified from the God-knows-how-many drinks he’d had the night before. Their legs were
intertwined and his arm had been flung across Remus’s face, causing him to barely be able to
breathe.

“Sirius!” he’d muttered, irritated. Sirius had not stirred, so Remus carefully lifted his arm and
escaped from underneath. He’d decided to take a shower, since he wouldn’t be able to go
back to sleep and he wanted to at least feel a little bit alive.

When he returned Remus had found Sirius awake in his bed—in his sweater .

Remus wasn’t quite sure if he’d somehow died in the night (perhaps by lack of air from
Sirius smothering him), and woken up in some odd version of heaven.

“Morning, darling,” said Sirius casually. Remus had struggled not to let his jaw drop in
shock, and decided that he really had died and gone to heaven.

“Oh, um, good morning.” Remus' voice was high-pitched and a little nervous. “Feeling
hungover?”
“No,” Sirius said smoothly, grinning from behind his book.

“You’re lying.”

“Am not.”

“Hmph.” Remus decided to let that particular conversation drop and move onto more
important things. The bloody sweater . “Why are you wearing my sweater?”

“Thought it was a couple-y thing to do—swap clothes. Besides, I’ve always wanted to steal
one of your sweaters, they always look so soft…”

“You know, I think you two are taking this a little too far. You’re aware you don’t have to
sleep together every night, right?” James asked. He had just woken up, and was still under all
his covers, his messy hair even messier than usual. James slept completely wrapped up in
blankets, like a swaddled baby or a large burrito (though he was not fond of either of those
comparisons). “Or swap clothes, for that matter.”

“Sirius was drunk and he wanted to…” Remus explained, his voice trailing off as he got
distracted by Sirius again. “Are you reading my divination textbook? You’re not even in that
class.”

“Here I am, adorable , sitting in your bed in your sweater and all you think about is the book
I’m reading? How typical of you, Moony. ”

James shook his head in mock disappointment, and Remus sighed. He had decided that if
Sirius was going to wear his clothes, then he would wear something of Sirius’.

His eyes had traveled around the room until they landed on his victim— Sirius’ leather
jacket.

***

“The softer look suits you, Sirius,” Mary said, back at the breakfast table. Sirius grinned.

“Thanks, Macdonald. I might make this my new style…”

“What? Wearing my clothes?” Remus asked, grabbing the scone Sirius had just put on his
plate and taking a bite.

“Yeah I—Moony! That was my scone!”

“Everyone is staring at us,” muttered Peter, trying to hide behind the newspaper he’d just
received from the post. He wasn’t wrong. All around the room, heads were turning to catch
proof of the very scandalous rumor that Lupin and Black had disappeared early from the
party the night before and had shown up to breakfast in each other's clothes.
“You’d think there would be more exciting things going on than us dating,” muttered Remus,
at the same time that Sirius said, “you’re loving it, Worm.”

“I absolutely am not . You lot create enough drama even without all of this dating
nonsense.”

“Alas, I suppose we can’t all be one of life’s natural performers.”

Peter stuck his tongue out at Sirius from over the top of the Daily Prophet . Sirius promptly
stuck his tongue out in return.

“The girls are only jealous of you, Remus.” Marlene chuckled, “and I suspect some boys are
too.”

Hestia nodded. “Yeah, I heard a group of fifth year Ravenclaws crying about it in the
bathroom yesterday. They’re weirdly obsessed with Sirius, honestly…”

“Aren’t we all,” Marlene said, hand pressed to her heart, pretending to swoon.

“Oi!” Hestia laughed, swatting gently at Marlene’s arm.

“Well, they can’t have him,” Remus said, sounding petulant and a little…jealous? Was he
jealous? Remus thought again of those notes Sirius had written him on Friday. It had only
been two days ago but it felt like a lifetime. He thought of Sirius calling anyone else “babe”
or “gorgeous,” even if it was just in his fancy scrawl (which, despite his best efforts, he’d
never been able to make any less aristocratic-looking), and realized he did feel jealous.
(Actually jealous . He was so, so far gone. Christ).

“And why’s that, Moons?” Sirius asked. His voice was light and teasing, but Remus saw
something much more real in his storm-blue eyes. Something unreadable, guarded.

“Because—because you’re my boyfriend.” Remus blushed, then stuffed half of his toast into
his mouth at once to avoid being asked any other questions. Sirius kept watching him.

They can’t have him . You’re my boyfriend . The words kept repeating themselves over and
over in Sirius’ head. There hadn’t been any real need for Remus to speak up, to say what he
did…so why had he done it? For the prank? Sirius could hardly tell the difference between
the prank and real life anymore. When Remus held his hand, or brushed his hair off his face,
or slept beside him at night, was that for the prank?

Sirius looked up to catch James’ eye. He looked ready to start banging his head on the table.
Peter looked just as exasperated. As he let his eyes flick back to Remus, he thought he heard
James mutter something along the lines of “ fucking idiots ” into Peter’s ear.

Remus looked nervous, and they held eye contact for a moment until James cleared his throat
and spoke again, louder this time. As if the noise shook him out of some kind of reverie,
Remus looked down quickly at his half-finished breakfast.
“Anything good in the paper, Wormtail?” James asked, though he was staring at Sirius.

“Oh, the usual…no one we know has died so that’s something, I suppose.”

***

After breakfast, the Marauders made it as far as the main staircase before Snape and his
friends stopped them.

“Well, well, well, look who it is!” Snape sneered, “Guess the rumours are true then. Blood
traitor Black runs off with half-blood, half- breed Lupin. Quite the forbidden love story, if
you ask me.”

Snapes friends sniggered, as if this were the funniest thing in the world. Regulus, who was
leaning against a banister some steps behind them, was the only one not laughing. Sirius was
glaring daggers at his brother from his spot beside Remus.

“Piss off, Snivellus.” Remus said, his hand drifting the wand in his pocket. “You know I can
give you detention.”

“ Oho, a detention!” exclaimed Mulciber, a leering grin on his face. “Go on then, Loopy.
We’ve only got a few more months left in this bloody school, and then we’ll be free.
Detention means nothing to the Dark Lord.”

Remus snorted. “I don’t see your Dark Lord here right now, do you?”

James hummed, as though he was thinking hard about it. “No, I can’t see him either…Oh…
wait, there he is!” he gasped and pointed up the stairs, but the Slytherin’s didn’t even flinch.

Snape sniggered. “Don’t be an idiot, Potter. If the Dark Lord were here you’d all be dead.”

“Yeah. Blood traitors, the lot of you,” Mulciber spat out. “ Especially that mudblood you all
love to hang out with. Where is she now, Potter? Hiding her away from the bad guys ?”

Remus thought he could see Snape twitch at the mention of Lily, but he stayed silent.

James and Sirius, however, had drawn their wands at Mulciber’s words, while Peter edged
himself slowly behind Remus.

“As much as I’m sure we’d all love to stick around and fuel your God complex, I think we
should be going,” said Remus, attempting to shepherd his friends around the Slytherins and
up the stairs. They wouldn’t budge.

Snape stepped forward then, right up into Sirius and Remus’ personal space. He spoke in a
whisper, so they were the only ones who could hear him. “I think you ought to listen to your
werewolf boyfriend, Black.”
It was the first time Remus had actually heard Snape recognize his condition out loud, and he
froze in shock, a swooping feeling of anxiety in his gut.

Before he could even say a word, Sirius had flicked his want and Snape was in the air,
dangling by his ankle.

“Detention tonight !” grumbled Sirius, as he and his friends left a very angry Professor
McGonagall at the entrance to the Great Hall and made their way up the stairs. “I mean, is
she crazy? We’ve got exams tomorrow !”

“You did physically assault a student,” James pointed out. Sirius rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, but it’s Snivellus, Prongs. He hardly counts. Besides, he was verbally assaulting
Moony! What was I supposed to do?”

“Walk away?” Remus suggested.

“Call him a little piece of shit and then walk away,” James said. Sirius sighed.

They walked in silence for a little longer, Sirius moping the whole way. They stopped by
Gryffindor tower to get their bags, but paused in the common room, trying to figure out what
to do next. After a short argument over studying or holding a day-long wizard chess
tournament, they decided on studying first, chess later.

“ Where are we studying today? I’m tired of the common room.” Peter said. “I wish we could
go outside…” he looked longingly out of the snow-streaked window.

“The library, I reckon.” Remus said.

“The bottom of the lake?” suggested Sirius hopefully. James hit him gently over the head.

“I second the library.”

Sirius groaned.

“That hangover catching up with you, Sirius?” Remus asked, grinning. Sirius groaned again
and let himself flop against Remus, pressing his face into his shoulder. When he spoke again,
Remus could feel his breath against his collarbone.

“Not hungover.”

“You know you don’t have to study, right Pads?” James said, “you could bother Moony, take
a nap, bother Moony some more, enchant the books to follow Madam Pince around…I mean,
really the options are endless.”

Sirius perked up slightly. “You know, enchanting the books to follow Madam Pince would be
rather funny…”
 “James! Now you’ve gone and given him more ideas!” Remus exclaimed.

“Come on, don’t you think that would be even a little funny?”

“Well, maybe a little ,” said Remus, a smile playing across his lips.

Chapter End Notes

hello again ! comment and kudos if you would like! hopefully the next chapter will be
up soon :)
 banned from the library
Chapter Notes

hi !

EDITED: 7.15.21
mostly just changed the ending of this chapter :))

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“ Rebel rebel, you've torn your dress

Rebel rebel, your face is a mess

Rebel rebel, how could they know?

Hot tramp, I love you so! ”

— “rebel rebel,” david bowie

“Moony, Moony ,”

“What, Peter?” Remus asked, slumping down in his chair, tearing his eyes away from his
Ancient Runes textbook.

“I was wondering if you had your essay on werewolves—”

“Are you kidding me?” snorted Sirius, the book he had enchanted to float lazily behind
Madam Pince dropping loudly as he broke concentration. She turned sharply, picked up the
book, and glanced around with narrowed eyes.

“You didn’t let me finish,” grumbled Peter, crossing his arms. “I was wondering if you had
the essay on werewolves in the Goblin Rebellion of 1036. As far as I’m aware, Remus was
not alive in 1036, Sirius .”

“Yeah, it’s right here…” Remus began shuffling through his papers, before giving up and
summoning the essay. It flew out from the bottom of the stack and he handed it to Peter.
“And you’re right, I was not involved in the Goblin Rebellion of 1036.” He chuckled, and
Sirius shrugged.

“Might have been. Sometimes I think you’re too smart to not be some kind of… hot,
immortal being.”
Remus raised one eyebrow at him. “I feel like that was a compliment, but it also implies that
I murdered about a hundred wizards, not to mention quite a few muggles.”

“Oh, is that what happened?” Sirius asked, leaning on two legs of his chair to read the essay
in Peter’s hands.

“You’d probably know if you actually paid attention in Binns’ class,” Remus pointed out.

“You’re the only person ever to pay attention in Binns’ class,” said Sirius, before sighing
loudly, and letting his head flop down on the table. “I’m so bored . Can we please be
finished?”

They had all arrived at the library after breakfast, and had only left once to go to lunch,
before returning (much more reluctantly) about an hour later. Now, as evening light crept its
way into the sky, the library began to slowly clear out. Remus was three pages deep in an
essay he’d written about Giant habitats and he’d hardly absorbed a word of it. There had been
something niggling at the back of his mind for the past few hours, something he had to do,
but he couldn’t remember what it was.

“You’re just bored because James isn’t here to humor you,” Peter said, eyes never leaving his
paper. James had left with Lily some hours earlier. They were studying together (allegedly).
Sirius looked, outraged, from Peter to Remus.

“Are you hearing this, Rem?” Sirius asked.

Remus nodded gravely, never once looking up at him. “Mhm.”

“ Me ? Bored because James isn’t here to humor me. How silly is that? I’m perfectly fine
without James around. Right, guys? I mean,—”

“Sirius, shush. I’m studying.”

“Sorry, Moony.”

They did end up leaving the library not too long after, but only because Sirius was finally
caught levitating books behind Madam Pince. She was furious, and quite literally chased
them out of the library. The three boys had gained a detention apiece. Remus’s was that night,
Sirius’s the next, and Peter’s the next (“ Detention during exams? She must be out of her
mind,” Sirius had bemoaned for the second time that day. Remus reminded him that it was
very much his own fault that he had gotten detention, which only made Sirius pout even
more).

They were gasping for breath by the time they made it to the Gryffindor common room.

“That woman terrifies me sometimes,” muttered Sirius.

“Well,” began Remus, muttering the password to the Fat Lady as he clutched a stitch in his
side, “next time pay more attention and try not to hit her on the head with an eight hundred
page book.”

“I don’t think there’ll be a next time,” said Peter, climbing through the portrait hole. James
bounded over to them right away, grin on his face.

“How was studying?” he asked.

“Oh, wonderful. Got myself banned from the library for life!” Sirius exclaimed with a proud
grin. He and James high-fived.

“Madam Pince didn’t necessarily say you were banned for life…” Remus said. He’d climbed
in last, immediately scanning the room for Lily.

“I think she was too angry to form words, which speaks pretty clearly for itself. I’ll just give
the library a wide berth for a few weeks, then get her a Christmas present or something.”

“He got us detentions. Three separate detentions.” Peter complained to James. Sirius brushed
this aside with a wave of his hand, as if it was really of no importance.

They settled at a table by the door, where Remus had found Lily, scanning her Divination
notes with a quill tucked behind one ear.

“If you’re getting Madam Pince a present, you can’t get her a personalized, signed copy of
Hogwarts, a History,” said Lily, putting down her notes and looking up at Sirius.

“Why not?”
“That’s what I’m getting her. It took me ages to get it all sorted.”

“You’re getting Madam Pince a Christmas gift?” Peter asked. He sounded worried, like
maybe he should have gotten Madam Pince a Christmas gift.

“Her and all the professors. I used to get gifts for my favorites only, but I thought as it’s my
last year I should get everyone something.” Lily shrugged, as if this was something everyone
did. Remus felt rather like Peter as he sat there thinking through all his teachers, and the
potential presents he probably should have gotten them. He’d gotten McGonagall something,
but no one else. He liked to save most of his money for his friends’ presents. This year, he’d
gotten James a rather hefty book on the history of Quidditch (Remus had read it one night
when he couldn’t sleep and found it to be a surprisingly exciting read), and Sirius—

“Shit.” Remus jumped up out of his seat. That’s what he’d been forgetting— Sirius’ present.

“Alright there, Moons?” James asked.

“Oh, yeah,” he said, slinging his backpack over one shoulder. “Just, erm, remembered
something I forgot in the library.”

“Are you sure that’s safe?” Sirius asked, seemingly genuine. Remus rolled his eyes.

“Yes, Pads, some of us have better reputations with Madam Pince than you.”
“Well…shout if she tries to murder you or something.”

“Great, will do.”

Then he was gone, back through the portrait hole.

Sirius watched Remus’ back until the portrait hole closed behind him.

“What are you getting all the other professors?” Peter asked Lily, still sounding a little
nervous.

Lily shrugged nonchalantly. “Well, I got Dumbledore some Bertie Botts Every-Flavour Beans
—”

“—but only the nice flavors—” James interjected.

“—I’ve also gotten McGonagall a set of books on Transfiguration, which I know she hasn’t
got because I asked her last week. I’ve gotten books for most of my professors, really, but
Slughorn’s gift is the best, I’d say.”

“She’s gotten him a fish!” James exclaimed, as though he’d been bursting to speak and
couldn’t hold it in anymore. Lily rolled her eyes, but said nothing about his outburst.

“A fish?” Sirius asked..

“Well it’s rather a complicated piece of magic. It’s a lily that will transform into a fish when
he gets it,” she explained.

“Lily was showing me earlier, it’s really quite interesting,” said James, grinning fondly at
Lily from across the table. She smiled back, a blush just barely coloring her cheeks.

“Oh, really? What ever happened to studying ?” Sirius teased them.

“Ha. We did study, actually. Just not the whole time. Unlike you three academics in the
library.”

“Bold of you to assume I studied at all, Prongs. I mostly just sat around, tormented Madam
Pince, and…”

“Stared lovingly at Moony across the table when he wasn’t looking,” muttered Peter quietly.
Sirius rounded on him.

“I did not!”

“Did too!”

“No!”

“Yes!”
“James!”

“What?”

“Back me up!” exclaimed Sirius.

“Hm, well, I wasn’t there the whole time, so I can’t really say what went on but knowing how
you normally act I’m very much inclined to believe Peter on this one.” James grinned at his
friend, but Sirius merely scowled back.

“Oh, you two are relentless. You know, he might not want to date me, believe it or not.”

“I mean, maybe, but who could resist Sirius Black?”

“I feel like that wasn’t a compliment, Prongsy.”

“Ugh, Sirius, don’t bring Prongsy back…”

The conversation turned towards Christmas and ice skating after exams, and was only just
getting into Peter’s possible girlfriend when Remus returned, looking rather excited and
pleased with himself.

“And where have you been, mister?” Sirius asked when he came through the portrait hole.
Sirius found it odd, watching Remus bound through the door in his leather jacket. (It really
did suit him.)

“Library. Told you earlier.”

Remus walked over to their table, and Peter quickly moved one seat over, so the only
available seat was next to Sirius. Sirius flipped him off when Remus’s back was turned,
obviously aware of the fact that this was part of some ridiculous plan to force him and Remus
together (not that he really minded. Anyway he could get himself cuddled up to Remus was
fine by him). Peter and James merely exchanged evil, scheming smiles.

“Well, you obviously were not at the library, seeing as you haven’t brought anything back
with you, and yet you said you forgot something at the library.”

Remus felt Sirius slip an arm around his waist.

“Merlin, someone’s pushy this evening…” muttered Remus. Really, he’d been in the Owlery,
posting an order for Sirius’s Christmas present. He’d only thought of it the day before, and
had to hurry to post it so it would arrive in time. “If you must know, which you don’t , it has
to do with Christmas presents. It was time-sensitive and I thought you’d ask less questions if
I told you I was going to the library.”

“Aw, you know me so well.” Sirius scooted his chair the few inches closer to Remus’s, and
cuddled up to him. Half playing into James and Peter’s game, and half out of simple desire,
Remus leaned into him. Hands clasped, his head on Sirius’ shoulder, Remus took a moment
to soak it all in, to remember what it all felt like before it was gone.
 ***

December 15, 1977

I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be able to handle this stupid bloody prank James is making
us do. Last night I got drunk (predictably—no one should ever let me drink around the full),
and was practically crawling all over Sirius the entire night. It was mortifying honestly; I’m
surprised I didn’t just kiss him then!!! Merlin knows he probably thinks I’m in love with him
(which I am, actually, so I suppose that wouldn’t be the weirdest assumption). He did sleep in
my bed last night (again), and has been wearing one of my sweaters all day (which is the
most adorable thing I’ve ever seen in my life I—

“Moony!”

“Hold on…I’ll be there now in a minute,” Remus murmured, eyes still glued to the page of
his journal.

“You can’t be here now and in a minute,” came Sirius’ grumbled reply. “Bloody Welsh.”

Remus sighed, and finally looked up. “What is it, Pads?”

Sirius was sprawled out on James’ bed, playing a game of chess that James was definitely
winning (Remus thought that had to do with the fact that Peter was attempting to
communicate moves with him through complex eyebrow wiggles and winks).

“We’re going to be late for detention if we don’t leave in…five minutes.”

“Oh, perfect! Just enough time to beat you in chess then,” James announced, smiling broadly
across at Sirius.

Sirius groaned, then looked over at Remus with his big (and usually quite effective) puppy
dog eyes. “Actually maybe we ought to leave now/”

“Nah, it’ll be alright. I’m sure we’ve got time for you to finish your game with Prongs.
Besides, I’d like to finish this up.” He gestured vaguely to his journal and Sirius visibly
perked up with interest (his moves were sometimes so strongly canine that Remus could
practically see Padfoot—ears perked, head cocked to this side. It made Remus wonder if he
had the same canine instincts, if the wolf was ever that close to the surface—creeping behind
his eyes and shadowing his movements. The thought of it made him shiver).

“What are you doing?”

“He’s writing in his diary , Padfoot,” James drawled.

“It’s not a diary, James. It’s a journal ,” Remus replied defensively, clutching the small
leather book to his chest. “You’re the one who got it for me, you prick. Last Christmas.”

“I remember. Just didn’t know you were such a girl,” he teased lightly. As he spoke, he made
a few quick moves on the chessboard that Remus couldn't see, but that left Sirius groaning in
defeat—he’d just lost the game.

“It isn’t girly . Loads of guys keep journals.”

“Yeah, like Wormtail,” Sirius quipped, clearly already recovered from his loss as he shot an
evil grin at Peter.

“No I don't!” Peter flushed.

“Yes you do. You left it out the other day on your bed, open and everything,” Sirius cleared
his throat and sat up for a more dramatic reenactment. “ Caroline is the prettiest girl I’ve ever
seen. She’s got these eyes that are so…green. And she always laughs at my jokes and she’s so
smart and— ”

Peter threw himself at Sirius and they collapsed back onto James’ bed, Sirius giggling madly
and Peter as red as a tomato.

“Who’s Caroline?” Remus asked, finally setting aside his journal.

“Pete’s girlfriend!” Sirius exclaimed, wriggling out from under Peter. “Our little Wormy’s
got a girlfriend .”

“Really?”

“ No , I haven’t. Not really.”

“You snogged her! I saw it!” James said. Peter’s eyes widened.

“You saw ?”

“Well, yeah, it wasn’t very discreet kissing her in the middle of the corridor as everyone was
leaving the party.”

“Who is she though?” Remus asked, trying to think of any Caroline’s he might know.

“Caroline Martin. She’s a slytherin, sixth year,” James said promptly.

“Wait, she’s a Slytherin?” Sirius wrinkled his nose. “I didn’t know that. Don’t tell me you’re
dating one of my relatives, Wormy.”

“She’s a half-blood, so probably not.” Peter sighed, clearly realizing he had little choice in
the direction of their conversation.

“Oh.” Sirius paused. “That’s alright then. When can we meet her?”
 “Not yet! We’ve only just started going out…” Peter said, exasperated.

“Ha! So you admit you’re dating?” James exclaimed.

“Oh, fine, whatever.”

They settled back into a comfortable silence—Peter went back to his own bed to pull on a
jumper (which, judging by the rather long arms, Remus thought it might have been his),
Sirius stayed sprawled out on his back, and James began to pack away the chess game.
Remus almost considered finishing his journal entry when James glanced down at his watch.

“Er, guys…aren’t you guys supposed to be in detention? It’s five minutes to eight.”

Sirius shot up. “Oh Merlin, Moony, we’re late! ”

“We’re not late, Sirius. We’ve got five whole minutes.” But Sirius was already on his feet by
Remus’ bed, grabbing at his hands and pulling him up.

“Remember that when Minnie’s sending us to be hung by our thumbs in the dungeons.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m not! You can never know what’s up McGonagall’s sleeves. She’s a mysterious, beautiful
—”

“Bloody hell, Pads, maybe you should be dating her .”

“ Oi! Shut it, Wormtail.”

Chapter End Notes

first thought i should say that peter's girlfriend is a completely made up character, and
isn't in canon! i don't think i have anything else to say abt this chapter lol. i hope you
liked it :) comment and kudos if you want! <3
 maybe with a few more words
Chapter Notes

hello! this is a pretty long chapter today! also, i'm currently working on a spotify playlist
for this fic. i'll probably give the link in the next chapter if i get more songs on there, but
it's still a work in progress right now haha

EDITED: 7.19.21
hello! edits in this chapter were mostly just dialogue/prose, not really any plot stuff

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“One day

though it might as well be someday

You and I will rise up all the way

All because of what you are

The prettiest star ”

— “the prettiest star,” david bowie

Sirius and Remus made it to McGonagall’s office with one minute to spare. When they
arrived, chests heaving from their run through the halls, she looked rather disapprovingly
down her glasses at them.

“We are not late,” Sirius burst out, before McGonagall could even say a word. He raised an
arm—the one holding the expensive-looking watch he’d gotten from the Potters on his
seventeenth birthday—and said, “it’s one minute to eight.”

“I am aware of the time, Mr. Black. But I thank you for being punctual.”

She explained to them that they would be doing their detention with Slughorn, and that they
weren’t allowed to use magic, but said little else. After the trek to the dungeons, she left them
at Slughorn’s door and said she’d be back at ten later that evening.

They watched her retreating back until it was overtaken by the shadows.

“McGonagall seemed glad to be rid of us…”

“Ah, she’ll miss us next year,” Sirius said, grinning at Remus. Remus returned the smile, but
it seemed forced, and Sirius wondered if he was simply tired from all the studying or if
something else was bothering him.

There wasn’t time to ask however, because soon the door was swinging open and Slughorn
was greeting them with his usual wide grin.

“Boys, boys! Do come in.” He ushered them through the door, then closed it behind them.
Sirius glanced around the room and saw a half-empty bottle of Firewhisky next to an open
bag of candied pineapple. Slughorn himself was in a gaudy green velvet suit as he bustled
around the room.

Sirius nudged Remus in the side. “Think he’s going on a date?” he whispered. Remus
chuckled, and Sirius was thrilled to see genuine joy flit across his features. (Sirius loved
when he smiled like that—the crinkles around his eyes, the dimple on this left cheek, the way
it lingered on his face even minutes later without him even realizing.)

“Right.” Slughorn turned to them, and their bubble popped. “I asked McGonagall if I could
take you boys for detention this evening because, well, I’ve got a bit of a favor to ask, and I
figured my job would be better than what some other teachers would have you doing. I need
my room tidied up for exams in the morning, but tonight is the annual Slug Club Christmas
Party…”

“Oh, how could we forget!” Sirius interrupted with a chuckle. “James is going to that.”

“Yeah. He nearly had a meltdown when Lily asked him,” Remus said. Sirius stole another
glance at Remus; his smile had faded somewhat. “Said he didn’t have the right dress robes
and would need to order more right away. As if the party wasn’t for another month .”

“Ah, Miss Evans is bringing Potter?” Slughorn asked, almost disappointed. Sirius nodded.

“Mhm. He’s not in your special little Slug Club, but he is pureblood, and you seem to have a
thing for them, don’t you?”

Slughorn cleared his throat and looked around the room anxiously. “Um, well—”

Sirius kept talking. “Besides, his father is the inventor of Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion. You know,
‘two drops tames even the most bothersome barnet!’” Sirius sang the slogan in the same
happy tune he’d heard Mr. Potter use when he bothered James about his unruly hair at home
(“Ugh, I like my hair, dad,” was always James’ exasperated response).

Slughorn did seem to perk up at this. “Hm, Sleekeazy’s…that is interesting…” he murmured,

as if thinking quite hard about it. Sirius nudged Remus in the side and they shared a small,
amused smile.

Slughorn cleared his throat. “Right, well, the party is tonight, so I just need you two to clean
up in here, and don’t tell McGonagall I’ve left you alone. Of course, she knows about the
party, but I’ve told her I’d have someone watch you. Hagrid said he’d cover for me, but he
couldn’t come because of ‘business in town.’ Whatever that means…”
“So, if McGonagall comes knocking before ten, we’ll just tell her Hagrid was here but he’s
nipped to the loo?” Sirius asked.

“Erm, yes, something like that. I really best be off! I’ve got guests arriving any moment…”
Slughorn bustled out of the room, leaving Sirius and Remus standing alone in a mess of dirty
cauldrons, disorganized potions ingredients, and stacks of books littered around their feet.

“What a weirdo,” said Remus, as the door snapped shut.

“ Honestly . I mean, he’s got a whole club for cool people and neither of us are in it? That’s
practically a crime, we’re the coolest people I know.”

“It doesn’t get much cooler than a werewolf and an illegal animagus…” Remus said absently,
looking around at the room they had to clean. “Where should we start?”

“I reckon we just magically clean it up then go and sneak into the party and steal some fancy
snacks.” Sirius said, getting out his wand and pointing it at the nearest cauldron. Remus
stepped in front of him, batting the wand away from where it was now pointed at his chest.

“McGonagall said we weren’t allowed to use magic, remember? Also, is it really worth
sneaking into the party just for the snacks?”

“ Moony , are you kidding me? He’s sure to have all the best rich people snacks. I mean,
they’re all in these tiny portions and they’re all a little weird and you think it’ll be disgusting
but then…”—he paused for emphasis—“When I went to Narcissa and Lucius’s wedding two
summers ago I had, obviously, a miserable time, but the little snacks they’d put out?
Amazing. Tiny. Delicious.”

“You are so posh , Black.” Remus chuckled.

Sirius pouted. “Can we please get snacks?”

Sirius locked eyes with Remus, and the other boy gave in. “Fine. You can put the books away
with magic, then organize the potion ingredients cupboard, and I’ll clean the cauldrons. Then,
because the snacks mean so much to you, we can go sneak into the Christmas party.”

“You’re the best .”

“Yeah, yeah.” He said it offhandedly, but Sirius didn’t miss the way Remus bit his lip to hide
his smile.

Fueled perhaps by the promise of food, Sirius got to work quickly and without his usual
grumbling. Once Sirius spelled the books away, the mess looked much more manageable.
Remus went to one side of the room, where dirty cauldrons sat in a pile by the sink, with
some radiating out onto nearby tables, and Sirius went to the other side, where the potion
ingredients sat jumbled on the shelves, no rhyme or reason to their order.
“How did he even let it get like this?” Remus muttered, pulling a cauldron down into the sink
with a grunt, beginning to scrub it with a sponge Slughorn had left them. Remus was glad
they’d taken separate sides of the room as Sirius had shed his cloak and rolled up the sleeves
of his white button-down. The less opportunity Remus had to stare at his forearms the better,
he decided.

“Dunno. Probably too wrapped up in his party plans to care much,” said Sirius with a
chuckle. Remus glanced over in time to see him reach for a small bottle filled with bright
green objects that looked like little sticks. He looked away, biting his lip and frowning down
at the soapy cauldron in his hands.

As the days wore on, the prank had begun to weigh heavier on Remus’ mind. While it may
have started out as a joke, it quickly devolved into a tantalizing look into a life that Remus
couldn’t have. When did it all stop? The hand holding, the flirting, the loving looks thrown
across classrooms, around the shelves in the library, millimeters apart in the common room.
And why was Sirius going along with it all so readily, so easily? No one was forcing him into
Remus’ bed every night, and no one forced him to write those notes in Transfiguration (the
words were still haunting him. Moons, you’re the most gorgeous boy I've ever seen . No one
forced him to write that—right?)

“Whatcha thinking about?”

Remus started, and realized he’d gotten so caught up in his own thoughts that he’d never
responded to Sirius’ comment. “Er, nothing.” Remus cleared his throat, not looking up at
Sirius.

“Seems like something.”

“It’s nothing ,” Remus grumbled, voice a little harder than before.

There was a silence, filled only with the tinkle of glass from the potions cupboard and the
rhythmic sound of water on the cauldrons as Remus washed them.

“Think James is bothering Slughorn?” Sirius asked, voice light as ever.

“Probably. He is a Marauder, after all.”

“Mm.”

“Why aren't you in the Slug Club?” Remus asked then, after another brief silence. “I mean,
your brother is and I reckon most of your family has been. Doesn’t he want you for his
collection?”

“He did ask me, right when I arrived at Hogwarts. He said that I was the missing piece to
‘complete his set’. That turned me off immediately, obviously. I’m nothing like my family
anyway, he wouldn’t really want me there. I think he realized that, in the end,” said Sirius
thoughtfully, placing the green sticks on one of the shelves. Remus had stopped scrubbing,
and turned, only to find Sirius already watching him. They held eye contact for several
moments in which Remus desperately wished he could tear his eyes away and look anywhere
else (anywhere other than those bloody stormy sea eyes; bright and piercing like they could
see into Remus’ very soul).

“Mm, that makes sense. It’s not really your scene anyway, is it?”

Sirius grinned. “Nah. My scene is more detention with you, I’d say.”

“Yeah,” Remus said quietly. He looked away from Sirius at last, watching the cauldron in his
hands fill up and overflow with water, cascading down the sides and over his hands.

About half an hour later, Sirius had almost finished the potion ingredients cabinet. He circled
the classroom once, picking up any stray bottles, and then put them into their correct place in
the cabinet. He’d been trying to figure out what was bothering Remus all evening, but still
hadn’t pinned it down. He was unusually quiet, but would make normal enough conversation
when prompted. He hadn’t looked at Sirius in probably twenty minutes, but maybe he was
just really into his cauldron cleaning? There was definitely something wrong, and Sirius was
determined to figure it out.

“Last cauldron!” Remus said joyfully (it was the most excited he’d sounded all evening),
placing the cauldron down into the sink.

“I’ve just finished my cabinet. Shall I sweep up before we go?”

“Yeah, I reckon.” Remus turned, then caught sight of the ingredients cabinet. “Sirius, why are
the ingredients organized by color?”

“ Well , I thought regular alphabetical was rather boring, and it certainly doesn’t look
organized, so I devised a whole new system. See—now each color of ingredient has its own
shelf, and in that shelf, they’re organized alphabetically and also grouped into what kind of
ingredient they are. See, on this shelf, the green shelf, we’ve got some animal products, some
more nature-y things like leaves, some weird things I couldn’t recognize…”

Remus raised an eyebrow at him. “There’s a ‘things you couldn’t recognize’ section?”

“Yup. Like it?”

“Er, well…I mean, it’s organized , I suppose.”

“I’ll take that as a yes, then.”

An hour before McGonagall said she’d collect them, Remus found himself standing outside
of her room. He watched from the side, arms crossed, as Sirius reached out to knock on the
old wooden door.

“Professor?” Sirius said sweetly, peeking his head around the door of her office. Remus
turned so he was leaning against the doorframe. Sirius had said he had a plan to get them out
of detention, and Remus intended to simply stand and watch.

McGonagall appeared at the door, lips pursed. “Mr. Black? Did I not leave you at Professor
Slughorn’s door an hour ago?”

“Oh, no, you did. It’s only…Professor Slughorn had to leave early to go to his party, and he
left Hagrid with us. Before he left, he said we could join the party if we finished early. And
we did finish early. Hagrid said we should go as Professor Slughorn seemed like he really
wanted us there. It was an order, almost. You know how he can get sometimes…” Sirius
trailed off, sensing his story was getting weaker the most he continued. Remus, though he
was stifling his laughter, thought he wasn’t doing half bad.

“And if I go see Hagrid right now…” began McGonagall slowly. Sirius shot Remus a
panicked look. Rolling his eyes fondly, Remus joined him in the doorway.

“Hagrid had to hurry off somewhere…said he had urgent business. He probably just wanted
us out of his hair, to be honest—”

Sirius made a quiet comment about how much hair Hagrid had and Remus tried to discreetly
step on his foot.

“—and now, well, we haven’t even got a teacher to watch us…”

“It’s nearly Christmas…” Sirius added, thinking perhaps that this would help their case.

Somehow, McGonagall did give in, and not even five minutes later the boys found
themselves strolling down a long empty corridor, shadows cast behind them from the
moonlight shining through the windows.

“We’re brilliant ,” Sirius said.

“I mean, that was hardly some of our best work. And I did kinda throw Hagrid under the
bus,” said Remus. Sirius chuckled, and reached the few inches between them to grab onto his
hand. Remus frowned at the contact, but didn’t pull away.

“Well then, what’s our plan?”

“Our plan?”

“ Our plan for sneaking into the party. You always come up with the best plans,” said Sirius
casually.

“Oh, well, I suppose I can come up with something…”

***
“Snuffles? Snuffles!” Remus burst loudly through the doors of Professor Slughorn’s room,
causing several of the nearby guests to frown at him. He heard one man (who he thought
might be a vampire) mutter something along the lines of, “ the youth these days…so rude.
What is Dumbledore even teaching them in this bloody school? ”

Slughorn himself stood nearby, and regarded Remus with eyes slightly squinted, as if he
might be dreaming.

“Lupin?” he asked. “I thought you were cleaning my classroom? Where is Black? Who is
Snuffles…is that…?” Remus followed his eyes until he saw Padfoot circling one of the long
food tables. He was eye level with the platters of food, and some of the guests were eyeing
him nervously—as if he might attack them if they got too close (which, honestly, Remus
wasn’t entirely sure he wouldn ’ t).

“Sorry, sir,” said Remus, suddenly thinking this idea was rather silly and that maybe he
shouldn’t be allowed to come up with plans when Sirius was inches away and tracing the
scars and freckles on the back of his hand. Remus cleared his throat. “We finished cleaning
your office and McGonagall let us off. Snuffles is a stray; I think he followed Hagrid back
from the village.”

“Ah. And how did he get…here?”

Remus looked from Slughorn to Padfoot, then tried quickly to find James in the crowd, with
no luck. “I’m not sure, honestly. Must have…snuck in. Sorry, really got to go,” Remus
muttered, ducking past Slughorn and making a beeline for Sirius.

Padfoot wagged his tail and panted happily as Remus approached.

“ You ”—Remus leaned down and poked him on the nose—“are ridiculous. I hope you enjoy
your snacks. Do you know where James is?”

Padfoot made a little whimpering noise. “Maybe with a few more words?” Remus asked,
mock-sweetly. For this, Padfoot gave Remus the best glare he could as a dog and proceeded
to walk away into the crowd. Before he lost sight of him, Remus grabbed a plate and piled it
with two of everything on the table.

When Remus found him again, Padfoot was on his back being pet by Lily. James was
watching, arms crossed and smirking. His grin grew even bigger when he saw Remus.

“So…how did detention lead to this?” James asked, as Remus approached.

“Sirius wanted the little snacks,” he responded, gesturing to the plate in his hands.

“Ah, and you couldn’t say no, of course.”

Remus shot him a weak glare. “I can say no to him. Maybe I just wanted some snacks
too…”

“Sure, sure. What do you think of ol’ Padfoot, Lils?”

“Hm, well, he talks much less than human Sirius, which is an improvement.” Sirius whined
at this, and nipped at Lily’s hand before rolling over and padding over to Remus, settling
down at his feet.

“Ignore him,” said Remus. “Want a macaroon?”

“You gave her a macaroon? After she was rude to me?” Sirius crossed his arms. They had
been kicked out of the party by Slughorn, and were walking through the deserted corridors,
interrupting the heavy, shadowy silence with their laughter and footsteps. Sirius was
wondering if he could reach out and take Remus’ hand again.

“Oh, so sorry , your highness. Would you like me to go back and ask her to regurgitate it for
you?” Remus laughed as Sirius shoved him.

“Ew, Remus!”

“Here, have this one. I got two.”

“But that’s yours,” said Sirius, eyeing the macaroon on the plate in front of him. They’d
already eaten half the snacks.

“Sirius, take the bloody macaroon.” Remus rolled his eyes.

“Oh, alright.” They quieted as Sirius nibbled on his macaroon. The only sound was the slight
echo of their shoes on the stone floors. “Ooo, let’s go in here! We can finish our snacks
without Peter stealing them.” Sirius pointed towards one of the tapestries that lined the walls.
It was one of their older hiding spots—a deep window ledge, forgotten at some point in the
last few hundred years and covered over.

They had to hop to pull themselves up, but eventually found themselves sitting across from
each other in the narrow space, plate of food balanced on their knees. Outside the window
Sirius could just see the snow-capped roofs of Hogsmeade village. Closer to them was
Hagrid’s hut—warm, golden light spilling from the windows and onto the snowy ground.

“This is a little smaller than it was when we were twelve,” said Remus, knees pulled up close
to his chest.

“What is this?” Sirius asked, tearing his eyes away from the window in search of his next
snack.

“Hm?”

“This. Looks like…” Sirius had a little bundle of something in his hand.

“Oh, I think that’s…seaweed?”

“Seaweed isn’t usually such a…vibrant blue.”

“Maybe don’t eat that one. Although, I thought you liked the weird rich people snacks.”

Sirius stuck out his tongue at him then nibbled the edge of the seaweed-thing.

“Blegh. Correction. I like most rich people snacks.” Sirius opted instead for a simple cookie.
He watched as Remus’s eyes flicked out towards the Forbidden Forest, and wondered, not for
the first time that night, what he was thinking about. “Rem, got something on your mind?”

“Ah, you know me, always having thoughts.”

“Hm, maybe explain them with a few more words?”

This made Remus smile, and he rolled his eyes over to meet Sirius’s.

“You can’t quote me to me .”

Sirius shrugged. “I can if I’d like.”

“Anything else you’d like to do? Have another tiny sandwich, terrorize some Slytherins,
sneak into another party…” Sirius, despite the wild beating of his heart, met Remus’s calm
gaze.

“I think you’re trying to change the subject.”

“Definitely not.”

“Alright then. I’d quite like to kiss you, if you don’t mind.”

Sirius could tell that whatever Remus was expecting, it was not this. Sirius himself was a
little surprised the words had come out of his mouth. He watched Remus’s eyes widen and
his jaw dropped just barely, and an apology had almost tumbled it’s way out of Sirius’s mouth
when Remus snapped his mouth shut, cleared his throat and said, with a small smile on his
lips, “go on, then.”

They were already so close, there wasn’t much more room before they met in the middle,
their empty plate upturned beside them.

Kissing Remus was warm and light and he smelled like the soap in Slughorn’s classroom and
he tasted like chocolate-covered strawberries and one of his hands was on the back of Sirius’
neck. Sirius smiled.

“Twelve-year-old us would think this is so weird…” he whispered, thinking of Remus’s

comment from earlier.

“I quite think this would awaken something in twelve-year-old me…” said Remus, smiling
against Sirius’ lips. Sirius chuckled.

“Shut up, Lupin.”

“ You shut up.”

Chapter End Notes

i hope you enjoyed the chapter! it was a big one lol. comment and kudos if you would
like! <3
 the first inanimate object to fall in love
Chapter Notes

happy halloween! in honor of the (sad) day, here is a chapter with minimal peter and
happy/living james and lily!
also, i have been working on the playlist for this fic, but i want to work a little more on it
before giving out the link.
thank you for 2k hits !!

EDITED: 7.29.21
hi sorry this took so long. been super busy and also I rlly wanted to work on creating a
solid conflict and making this chapter better in general (also thank u to everyone who
has been commenting and reading recently love u all)

EDITED: 8.8.21
okay new edits on the next chapter hopefully out soon but I had to go back and fix a bit
at the end of this chapter. it's during remus & sirius' convo and I just changed the part
where they're talking about sirius' past relationships.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“ So I looked at the scenery,

she read her magazine

And the moon rose over an open field

‘Kathy, I'm lost,’

I said, though I knew she was sleeping

I'm empty and aching and I don't know why. ”

— “america,” simon & garfunkel

monday, december 16, 1977

There was something wrong between Sirius and Remus, Marlene was sure.

She hadn’t seen them since the night before, when they’d passed the girls in the common
room on their way to detention. She’d spent a fun evening with Mary and Hestia helping Lily
and Alice get ready for Slughorn’s party. After they’d all left (and Peter snuck out to see his
girlfriend) it was only her, Mary, and Hestia remaining.

While they waited for their friends to return, the girls decided to play a game of Wizard’s
Chess in front of the fire. Hestia had opted out to do some last minute studying, but would
occasionally look over and mouth Marlene’s next move over Mary’s shoulder. (Hestia had
always been better at chess than her girlfriend.)

Marlene must have been up in their dormitory when Remus and Sirius returned, because she
most certainly had not seen them again until they were sitting down for breakfast. She
watched curiously as Sirius made space next to him on the bench for Remus, only for Remus
to just barely shake his head and sit next to Lily instead, at least three people down the table
from Sirius.

Hestia scooted closer to Marlene, until their arms were pressed against each other and their
knees knocked together under the table.

“That’s weird, don’t you think?” she whispered.

“Mm, yeah,” she said. “Think they had a row?”

“Maybe. Do you think Lily would know?”

“Ask her,” Marlene whispered back. Immediately, she wished she’d suggested something
else, because Hestia pulled away from her and took all her warmth with her, the ghost of her
floral perfume lingering in the air.

Marlene watched as Hestia, tongue just barely poking out between her teeth in concentration,
aimed a gentle kick under the table in Lily’s direction.

Lily swung her head over to look at them. Hestia cocked one eyebrow and tried to
indiscreetly jab her head in Remus’s general direction. Lily looked back at her, confused, and
Hestia sighed. She tried another vigorous jab of her head, but it didn’t work. Marlene
chuckled.

Mary, who was sitting on the other side of Marlene, leaned closer to her. “What the hell is she
doing?”

“She’s trying to figure out what’s wrong with Sirius and Remus,” Marlene whispered back.

“Oh.” There was a pause, then Mary looked across the table at Sirius, who was almost
opposite her. “Oi, Black. What’s up with you and Lupin?”

Sirius looked up, eyes wide like a deer in the headlights. “What’s up?” he repeated slowly.
Marlene watched as he sent a glance down the table at Remus, but the other boy was heavily
absorbed in his morning toast.

“Well, you aren’t obnoxiously flirting, so something’s got to be up.”

“ I was thinking the same thing…” said Peter quietly. Sirius glared at him, and Peter seemed
to wither beneath his gaze.

“Ask Remus, if you’d really like to know,” Sirius said, stabbing at his sausage haphazardly.

Remus was, at that moment, wishing he was the melting pad of butter on his toast. Imagine,
he thought bitterly, I could just melt and be gone forever. Surely, death by melting on toast
was preferable to most other options. If he were a pad of butter, he wondered what he might
think about. Certainly not stupid boys. Though, knowing him, he’d probably end up being the
first inanimate object to fall in love—probably with Sirius Black. What a nightmare.

“Remus doesn’t have to say anything,” chided Lily gently. Remus, though still watching the
butter pool on his plate, knew she was speaking to Mary, who’s eyes he could feel practically
boring into his head.

“Oh, Remus, I’m going to do your Myrtle prank today,” James said, trying to steer the
conversation into happier territory.

“When?” asked Sirius. Remus didn’t look at him—he was nervous that he might look back,
and then Remus wasn’t sure what he would do with that. Death by eye contact with Sirius
was certainly high on Remus’s “Ways I Do Not Want to Die” list (It wasn’t a real list, but
Remus was heavily considering creating it as the morning wore on). (He was also
considering a sequel to that list— “Ways I Definitely Do Want to Die, Right Now”).

“Probably after lunch, when we have off during the arithmancy exam.” James sipped on his
pumpkin juice. “You could all come with me!”

“I’m pretty sure your dare was that you had to convince her. All on your own.” Remus
pointed out, looking at James across the table.

“Never thought you’d give up a chance to watch me make a fool of myself,” James said,
grinning. Remus felt his lips quirk up into a small smile, but his momentary good mood was
squashed as soon as Sirius opened his mouth.

“I’m pretty sure Moony is only saying that because he doesn’t want to spend time with me ,”
said Sirius drily. For the first real time since they were holed up together on that window
ledge, Remus met Sirius’s eyes. He could see his anger reflected back in the cloudy blue-
gray, and he forced himself to look away again.

“Not everything is about you, actually ,” he snapped. Putting his glass down a little harder
than necessary, Remus looked over at Lily. “Walk with me? We can get to Divination a little
early.”

“Er, yeah. Sure. Coming, Hest?” Hestia, who was also in their Divination class, nodded.

Remus looked intently at his shoes while she and her girlfriend kissed goodbye, then while
Lily kissed James goodbye. Remus rather felt like the entire world was mocking him, and
was immensely relieved when the kissing was over and they were able to leave the hall.

“Mate, what’s going on?” James asked, as soon as Remus was gone. Sirius grimaced.

“As if I fucking know,” he sighed. He knew practically everyone could hear him, and didn’t
really want to have this conversation in front of half of Gryffindor. “S’pose I said
something.” Sirius said eventually, with a shrug.

“Well, did you say something?” James asked, prodding. Sirius rolled his eyes.

“I’m always saying things, Prongs. I can’t remember every word that comes out of my
mouth.”

“Yes, well, I imagine you would remember something that made Moony that bloody angry at
you,” James pointed out. Then, more softly, “you can tell me anything, you know. We’re
brothers, Pads.”

“Thanks, Prongs.” Sirius spared him a tight smile. There were no secrets between the
Marauders, and usually James was the first person Sirius went to for help, but something
about this situation felt different , though he couldn’t quite put his finger on why. He wanted
to patch things up with Remus on his own, to figure out what was bothering him and how
Sirius could fix it.

“I don’t think I’ve genuinely seen Moony this mad at you since…since, y’know …” Peter
added. He was talking about the Snape incident in fifth year, Sirius was sure.

“Yeah.” Sirius sighed again, then fiddled with his fork.

“I just don’t really get it,” mused Marlene, mind still on Remus’s mysterious silence.

“That makes two of us,” Sirius put down his fork.

“Have you tried talking to him?” James asked.

“Have you talked to him yet?” Lily asked.

They were not the first to arrive for the divination exam; a group of Hufflepuffs sat clustered
around the ladder to the trapdoor, muttering anxiously about tea leaves. Remus had dragged
Lily and Hestia down the hall so they wouldn’t be overheard, and explained his predicament.
He’d made them swear not to tell a single person about the prank, the crush, or the kissing.
He knew they wouldn’t, it was more for his own sanity.

“Er, well. No.” muttered Remus, arms wrapped around his legs and chin resting on his
knees.

“Between the making out and—”

“—yes, thank you, Hestia.” Remus interrupted her. (He loved Hestia, but she didn’t have the
best bedside manner). “I remember the evening pretty well.”

“Just talk to him after this,” said Hestia. “It’d be better to talk now then wait forever. Besides,
Sirius is going to get so annoying if you wait and then you guys have some big, angsty fall-
out.”

“We’ve already had a big, angsty fall-out.” Remus took a moment to stretch out his legs on
the stone floor, wincing as one of his knees made a rather menacing cracking noise.

Lily hummed. “Explain again what happened? After you left us at the party, I mean.”

“We hid away in some old covered up window, we talked a bit, then he said he wanted to kiss
me.” Remus frowned, remembering the feeling of Sirius’ fingers on his jaw and his lips
smiling against him. “We…did it. Kissed ,” he added hurriedly when Hestia raised an
eyebrow at him. “Not—we just…well, anyway. We kissed and then I ran off. I…I told him it
wasn’t like that. That I didn’t like him that way.”

“Why would you say that?” Lily asked with a sigh. It was the second time that morning she’d
asked him that question, and he was still as unsure of his answer as he had been the first time
around.

“I don’t know,” he murmured miserably. “It was fine when we were kissing. It was nice and
we were flirting , I suppose, and well, suddenly it just didn’t feel nice anymore. I just realized
that….that it’s always the way with Sirius, isn’t it? The flirting, the touching. And I know,
obviously, we’re supposed to be pretending to date but it’s gotten bigger than that. It’s
confusing—the things he’s said to me, bloody written to me. And then the kiss …”

“Well, surely he likes you, then. Most people don’t go around snogging people they don’t
fancy,” Hestia said, shrugging.

“This is Sirius , Hest,” Remus replied. “I’m honestly not sure he’s fancied any of the people
I’ve seen him snogging.”

“Yeah, but you’re you .”

Remus didn’t know what to say to that.

Breakfast was over, and students flooded the halls. Groups formed outside of the Divination
classroom, friends buzzing with pre-exam nerves and frantically quizzing each other on
everything from palm reading to dark omens they could point out in their tea leaves to please
Professor Nitt.

Remus tuned in and out of conversations, though he kept slipping back into his thoughts.
Kissing Sirius, running off, ignoring him at breakfast…

He was glad that Hestia and Lily kept up a casual discussion beside him. It was a nice
distraction, and he was able to tune in and out of their conversation as he pleased, eyes
mostly plastered on his hands clasped on his lap—that is, until he remembered Sirius holding
his hands that first night they’d shared a bed. Remus looked back up with a sigh.

“...and then Mary said she would prefer ‘ literally anything ’ over listening to Celestina
Warbeck.”

“Really?” Lily asked.

Hestia shook her head in exasperation. “Yup. Made me switch the record and everything.”

“I wouldn’t have pegged you for a Warbeck fan, Hest,” Remus finally spoke, head still
resting against the cool stone wall behind him.

“I’m not,” Hestia replied rather defensively, “but everyone can appreciate a good jazzy tune.
Who doesn’t know the lyrics to A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love ?”

Remus made eye contact with Lily, one eyebrow raised. She shook her head, a small smile on
her lips.

“Did you know she’s from Wales?” Remus asked. His mother had become quite the Celestina
fan herself after Lyall took her to one of her shows in the sixties (he’d gotten the tickets from
a friend at work. When he still had friends. And a ministry job.) (Remus quickly stopped
himself from going down that mental guilt-trip.) Very much against his will, Remus knew
quite a few fun facts about the singer.

“No, I didn’t.” Hestia smiled mischievously at Remus then parroted his earlier words back to
him—“wouldn’t have pegged you for a Warbeck fan, Remus.”

“What? Oh, no I—” but his protests were drowned out in laughter from Hestia and Lily.

Remus was saved from any more teasing as Professor Nitt poked her head through the
trapdoor. She waited until there was complete silence, then, in her most mysterious voice, she
called up the first person.

Nitt always started at the end of the alphabet, though no one really knew why, so the crowd
had diminished somewhat by the time Remus was called up for (thankfully) his final
Divination midterm for the rest of his life.

“What a relief ,” sighed Hestia, as soon as they were all finished and walking back to the
Common Room.

“Well, we’ve still got every other exam, not to mention our Newts at the end of the year,”
Remus pointed out.

“At least we’re one down!”

“Ever the optimist…”

“What did she say during your exam, Remus? She told me at the end she thought my earrings
were blocking her inner eye,” Hestia reached up to touch one of her earrings. They were big,
dangling yellow hoops. “I mean, what bullshit! What does that even mean ?”

Remus snorted. “She kept telling me she saw the Grimm in my future. She saw it in the tea
leaves, the crystal ball, my palm. I think she was just disappointed that I haven’t had any
tragic accident since last class.”

Hestia laughed, but Lily merely gave Remus a sideways look. “The Grimm?” she asked.

Remus remembered the night before—Sirius in his animagus form at Lily’s feet, tongue
lolling as he grinned up at her. He remembered his mother’s bedtime stories of Gwyllgi, the
big black dog that haunted Wales. They’re everywhere —she would tell him, voice low as
Remus clung onto every word with wide eyes— There’s a Grim that haunts churches, a
Padfoot that trails it’s victim’s almost silently, besides the soft padding of it’s paws…

Remus shrugged. “Everyone knows she’s full of it.”

Hestia was looking between them, confused. “I hope the Grimm doesn’t get you…I’d be
quite sad if you were killed. I’d probably fail my Newts, too.”

“At least I’ll be missed.”

They talked about the various predictions they’d made up for the rest of the walk. Remus had
nearly forgotten about the Sirius situation by the time they made it to the portrait hole, all
three laughing loudly.

“—I didn’t know!” Lily exclaimed, trying hard to keep the grin off her face. “I thought it
meant she’d live a long time or…something!”

“You said,” Hestia gasped between laughs, “that she was going to die tomorrow ? And from a
boat accident, no less. I reckon she’ll be avoiding the lake for a few days.”

“I suppose she deserved it. I’d be dead a million times over if even half of what she says to
me is true…” said Remus. He was grinning broadly, but it faltered as soon as he recognized
the figure sitting by the portrait hole. “Sirius?”

Sirius looked up, taking a cigarette out from between his lips. “Remus.”

“What are you doing out here?” Hestia asked, looking up and down the hallway as if there
might be someone hiding behind the suits of armor.

“Prongs said I couldn’t smoke in the Common Room, the prick,” Sirius said gruffly, though
his smile was fond. His eyes flicked up, and met Remus’s. They held eye contact for a
moment, until Lily cleared her throat. Remus looked down at his shoes.

“Right, well, Hestia, coming in? You can quiz me on potions.”

“You don’t need help on potions ,” Hestia said with a snort.

“Oh, just come on,” Lily grabbed her hand and pulled her through the hole.

It was just the two of them—Remus didn’t know where to look.

“Sit?”

Remus sat, and took the cigarette out of Sirius’s hand.

“Why’d you say it?” Remus asked eventually, watching as the smoke he’d just exhaled
dissipated. He saw in his peripheral vision as Sirius turned to look at him—he met his gaze.

“Why’d I say what?”

Remus was quiet a moment, drawing his knees up to his chest and dropping the cigarette. He
crushed it under the toe of his boot as he thought. “What you wrote in that note to me. In
class on Friday. You said I was…you said I was the most gorgeous boy you’d ever seen.” The
last words came out in a rushed whisper, like they were a secret, something sacred. At this
point, maybe they were something sacred.

Sirius furrowed his brow. “Because you are.”

“But isn’t that what you say to all of them?”

“All of who?”

“All the boys , Sirius. And the girls, I suppose. Whoever’s getting you off in broom closets
between classes.”

“ What? ” Sirius chuckled then, which caused Remus to glare at him. “Sorry—it’s just, no
one’s getting me off between classes . I don’t…I don’t really…” Sirius cleared his throat and
Remus thought he saw a flush beginning to work its way up his cheeks, “you know I’ve only
ever dated Marlene, right? And we didn’t… do anything. I mean, we were only fifteen so…”

Sirius watched as Remus pulled his bottom lip up between his teeth, still watching Sirius in a
way that made him feel as though he were one of the gaudy butterflies that his mother used to
have pinned up in the living room at Grimmauld Place.

“But I thought—”

“You thought what , Remus?” Sirius thought he saw Remus flinch at his tone, but he kept up
his steely gaze regardless. He knew what Remus thought—it was what everyone else
thought. That he was a fun snog at parties, easy to sneak away with to empty classrooms and
broom cupboards. In reality, Sirius could probably count all the people he’d kissed on one
hand, the majority of them being awkward and hesitant, sometimes tinged with the sharp
taste of alcohol but mostly in quiet nooks and vacant corridors, the silence so oppressive
Sirius was sure the other person could hear the beating of his heart and the blood rushing
through his veins, or at least feel it as their fingers brushed against the pulse point in his wrist,
dragged their thumb across the high point of his cheekbone. “Well?”

“I mean, it’s just rumors. I shouldn’t assume it’s just when you wrote those things to me...I
didn’t understand why . I don’t know why—”

Sirius furrowed his brow. “I wouldn’t just say shit like that if I didn’t mean it. I know I used
to be…impulsive and erratic but I’ve changed, Rem. I thought you knew that. Don’t you trust
me?”

Sirius asked the last question lightly, but when Remus met his eyes, he saw they had a certain
hardness in them—clearly he thought he already knew the answer. “I trust you,” Remus said,
the words quiet. “But I don’t understand…no one’s ever said anything like that to me before.
No one has and you…we…”

Remus’ voice trailed off, and he went back to staring at his knees. “ You don’t understand?
How do you think I feel?” Sirius asked.

Remus frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Last night. You just snogged me and ran off,” he snapped. Remus crossed his arms and
finally looked up to meet Sirius’s fierce eyes. They were brighter than they had been at
breakfast—sharper and more blue.

“I didn’t just…snog you and run off!” objected Remus. “ You kissed me .”

“You kissed me back.” The words hung in the air; Remus had nothing to say. He had kissed
him back—he’d wanted to. “Then you ran off, said you didn’t like me like that. But I think
that’s bullshit—you don’t go around kissing anyone, do you? So what is it? Are you
embarrassed by me? Or is it just too much being queer and a werewolf? Would your parents
be disappointed?”

Remus wasn’t sure why their conversation had taken such a turn, and he regarded Sirius
cooly for a few minutes before standing up.

“I said I’d lend Peter one of my old potions essays. I should go help him.”

“So that’s it?” Came Sirius’ angry reply. But Remus was gone, climbing through the portrait,
refusing to acknowledge him. It was the last thing he heard before the door closed behind
him.

Remus felt rather silly. In his head, he figured Sirius would just automatically understand
him, as if he could read his mind, and they’d have a nice conversation and maybe (just
maybe) kiss. He knew he should push aside the irritation he felt, go back, and explain his
side, as well as get an explanation for Sirius’ behavior. But he didn’t.
 Sirius watched Remus disappear, and sat in stunned silence for a moment. He was already
regretting what he’d said. He didn’t even mean it really, the thing about being a queer
werewolf. And as if Sirius could comment on disappointing parents . That was practically his
full-time job. Sirius gathered his things in his bag and got up, now determined to find Remus
and apologize. He hadn’t had any idea why Remus would run away, but after the
conversation they’d just had, he was beginning to understand.

“I don’t think he wants to talk to you, dear.” The Fat Lady was checking her hair in a mirror
when he approached her, running her fingers through it and making sure the pins were in the
correct place.

Sirius crossed his arms. “ Bertie Botts Every-Flavour Beans .” He recited the password, but
she still didn’t open the door.

“Really, I’m quite experienced in—”

“—just open the door!” Sirius snapped.

She sighed. “Well, it’s your life.”

Inside, Sirius quickly glanced around the half-empty room. He saw Remus in a quiet corner
with Peter, both pouring over an essay on the table. James and Lily were also at their table,
giggling about something. Sirius smiled as he watched Remus throw a wadded up piece of
paper at James’s head in a fruitless attempt to shut him up.

He was quickly losing confidence. The more he looked at Remus, the less Sirius was sure of
his plan. Perhaps he’d just wait until after lunch, during their free block. With a sigh, Sirius
wandered over to Mary, who was sprawled out on the rug by the fire painting her nails.

“Hey,” he said glumly, plopping down next to her.

“Merlin, who died?” she teased him, glancing up at him with her dark, smiling eyes.

“My love life,” he sighed.

“Aw, it can’t be that bad.”

“Well, we tried to talk about our feelings and immediately started bickering. Then he left.”

“You’ll work it out. You always do,” said Mary. She was always so sure about things. Sirius
couldn’t help but give her a small smile.

“Thanks, Mary.” He looked down at one of the small bottles she’d set out on the floor. It was
a dark red nail polish that proudly stated it was ‘ every Witch’s favourite no chip, instant
drying polish! ’ “Will you paint my nails?”

Chapter End Notes

hi :) i hope you enjoyed this chapter. comment/kudos if you'd like <3
 voldemort loves a christmas party
Chapter Notes

hello! exciting note! i'm going to put the link to the spotify playlist i've created in the
summary for this fic! i'll be editing it and adding more songs and stuff but i felt it was
good enough to share at this point! it's mostly 70s music, bc i wanted to keep it
somewhat time-accurate, but i have deviated somewhat from that so there's modern stuff
on there as well :) enjoy !!

(also, less exciting, but content warning for a somewhat vague mention of physical
abuse)

EDITED: 8.11.21
hi! content warning still applies. also you should totally check out the playlist bc I still
do add songs on there sometimes lol (It actually has 89 likes rn I think? which is wild)

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“ All I'm tryna say

Is I miss you in every way

Fingertips on my back

Things I know that I can't have ”

— “north,” clairo

Remus managed to avoid Sirius until lunchtime. It had been easy, at first.

Their potions exam gave Remus a blissful two hours where he knew no one could talk to
him. Slughorn thankfully separated all four Marauders for the exam, but Remus couldn’t help
but notice that Sirius was sitting only two tables over with painted nails —a new look that
suited him far too much.

Lunch had been a little harder to maneuver. He’d managed to squeeze himself in between
Lily and Mary, a few seats down from Sirius. He’d enjoyed the easy conversation about
Lily’s sister Petunia and her boyfriend (Vernon) and their plans to marry. Throughout it all
Remus listened quietly, occasionally saying a word or two and picking half-heartedly at the
fruit he’d scooped on his plate. He was hungry, but found he had too much pent up anxiety to
eat much of anything.
“Well, my mother was furious when she found out. She thought that Petunia must be
pregnant. It was all ‘ your father and I had known each other for years before we got
married’ and ‘ How will Vernon provide for your child? ’” Lily calmly sipped her pumpkin
juice. “Petunia wasn’t pregnant, so naturally my mother has completely changed her tune and
is absolutely thrilled . She talks about wedding planning at least twice every time she writes
to me—I think I actually prefered when she was angry all the time.”

Mary shuddered. “I know what you mean. I think my mum actually forgot about me when
she was planning for my sister’s wedding last summer. I went to Marlene’s for a whole week
and when I came back she acted like I’d popped out to the store. Have you met this Vernon
bloke?”

“Yeah, I met him when I was home for the summer. Awful man, but we did learn that he will
be getting a very respectable job at Grunnings .”

Mary snorted. “God, sounds wonderful.”

“Oh, it is,” Lily grinned. “It seemed to work well enough on my father though. He hardly
shuts up about Vernon now.” She paused. “Remus, you’re not eating hardly enough food.
Here have some of my—”

“I’m alright, thanks Lils.” Remus smiled at her. He knew there was an argument on the tip of
her tongue in the way that she furrowed her brow, her lips twitched downward, but there was
no time for her to berate him as it was then that the owl arrived.

It was a large, impressive owl with a bright red envelope in its beak, and it was clearly meant
to make a scene—swooping down the tables, the only owl to arrive during lunchtime. The
school seemed to quiet as the students in the hall watched, entranced, as the animal flew
down the Gryffindor table and landed right in front of Sirius Black, dropping the Howler in
his lap and immediately nibbling at some bread on his plate.

“Oh, fuck .” Remus heard Sirius mutter, picking up the smoking letter with one hand and
shooing the owl away with the other.

“Is it from her ?” James asked, eyes wide, remembering the letter Sirius had sent his cousin
just days before. “Walburga?”

Sirius nodded and got up, stumbling as he tried to make his way out of the Great Hall before
the letter exploded. He made it—just barely. The doors snapped shut just as the angry voice
of Walburga Black burst from the envelope. The hall was still deathly quiet, although the
teachers were doing their best to keep up conversation and distract from the Howler, talking
perhaps a bit louder than they usually would. It wasn’t enough—the students paid them no
mind; Black family drama was far more interesting.

Remus caught James’s eyes across the table. At that moment, Remus felt that being a
Marauder outweighed any of the other drama going on between him and Sirius. “Should we
—?”

James shook his head. “Nah, I reckon we let her finish…”

“—A DISGRACE TO THE NOBL—”

“Right! Well, um, I think I failed my potions midterm.” James said after clearing his throat
loudly, in an attempt to distract from the yelling outside. Slowly, conversation began to pick
up as friends went back to their meals. Amongst them was Regulus, who Remus saw at the
Slytherin table staring, wide-eyed, at the closed doors of the Great Hall. His face was pale
and his plate was full of food he’d obviously just been pushing around.

“—HOW DARE YOU—”

“I can’t believe Lily didn’t let you cheat off of her,” said Remus, forcing a smile and looking
away from Regulus.

“—YOUR COUSIN—”

“Oh, she’d never ,” James was looking around the room, and threw a bread roll at a sixth year
down the table who was clearly trying to hear the Howler over the growing din of the other
students. “ Oi , eat your lunch,” he called to him, practically growling. The boy looked down
at his plate, cheeks tinted pink.

“—YOUR DUTY AS A—”

“Do you think she’ll make him go home for Christmas?” Peter asked, worrying the hem of
his robes.

“—IMPORTANT GUESTS—”

“She’ll have to get through us three, first,” said James, a protective glint in his eyes. Remus
nodded vigorously.

“—SCUM—”

“Oh, right, obviously!” said Peter, swallowing hard.

“—NEVER SPEAK TO—”

“I’m getting the feeling she doesn’t want him home for Christmas…” said Remus in a
whisper.

“—AGAIN.”

Peter looked up from his plate, eyes wide. “She’s done. Should we go?”

The three boys quickly got up and left the hall, trying to slip discreetly through the door.
There, looking small in the great empty room, Sirius stood, trying to brush the ash from the
exploded letter off his robes.

“Forgot these burst into flames. Merlin, what a mess…” Sirius muttered. He looked up at his
hovering friends then, giving them a small smile that didn’t meet his eyes. “I’m fine, really.”
“Are you sure?” Remus asked, frowning.

“Well, I was hoping not to get ash all over my robes this afternoon but other than that I
suppose I’m alright,” Sirius said lightly.

“She was saying some awful things…” Peter said. Sirius shrugged in response.

“She’s always saying awful things. It’s nothing new. In fact, I’d say it's even better over
Howler because she can only say things and she can’t—well, she can’t, um…” his sentence
fizzled out, and Remus stepped closer to him, until the backs of their hands brushed against
each other.

Sirius breathed out a sigh as he felt Remus’ hand brush the back of his. Silently, without even
looking his way, Sirius slipped his hand into Remus’s. Surely he would allow him this one
comfort, right? Even if he had fucked things up in the corridor earlier. To his great relief,
Remus didn’t pull away.

“I think we should tell Dumbledore,” said James, oblivious to Sirius’ emotional turmoil over
the hand holding. He began pacing, pushing his glasses up his nose, and messing his hair up
—a clear indicator that he was entering, what the Marauders like to call, Thinking Mode.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Tell him what? That my mummy got mad at me because I told my
cousin to fuck off?”

“ No , you heard her…she said…she said there’d be important guests…”

“Like Voldemort? At the Christmas party?” Peter piped up, eyes following James as he paced
in front of them. Sirius snorted at this.

“I reckon Voldemort loves a Christmas party. Think he likes the little Christmas Crackers?
Maybe a snog under the mistletoe?”

“Now I’ve got the image of Voldemort snogging someone, Pads, thanks.” Remus said,
wrinkling his nose.

“You’re so welcome, Moony!”

“No, no, guys, Wormy’s right. There’s gotta be Death Eaters going to this party! I mean, you
know the crowd your family hangs around, and if she wants you to go, maybe they were
going to like…force you to join up!” James exclaimed, stopping his pacing.

“More like they wanted me to go so they could corner and murder me. That would solve lots
of their issues, I’m sure,” Sirius said drily. “But I do see your point…”

“Do you think Regulus would know? He looked awfully pale during lunch,” said Remus.
“Scared, almost.”
Sirius nervously bit his bottom lip, avoiding their eyes as he thought of something to say.
Regulus probably was scared—scared of what his mother might do to him, to the both of
them. Reg had always gotten off easier with their parents, seeing as he made an effort to fit in
with the family, to follow the rules. Sirius was the only reason he ever got in trouble—he’d
been caught giving Sirius food when he was locked away, learning healing spells to use on
Sirius, actually using the healing spells one night after their parents had blown up on Sirius.
He’d gotten in big trouble for him, and then Sirius got himself disowned and he left him
alone. Alone in that big, dark, empty house and—

“You don’t have to talk to him,” said Remus quickly, squeezing his hand and bringing him
back to the present. James was there, fingers tangled in his hair; Peter was standing off to the
side, brow furrowed as he thought deeply about something. Remus was there too—hand in
his, the soft skin of his thumb pressing into the back of his hand. “We’ll just tell Dumbledore
what we know, I’m sure he’ll take care of it.”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it,” James said kindly, nudging Sirius’s shoe with his own to get his
attention, “we can tell him, if you want.”

Sirius smiled then, rolling his eyes fondly. He took a steadying breath. “Thanks, mum , but I
think I can keep it together long enough to talk to Dumbledore.”

“Mhm…”

“Hey! Want to go talk to Myrtle now? Lunch is almost over,” suggested Peter.

Sirius grinned. “Absolutely. You’re a lifesaver, Pete.”

Peter grinned, picking his bag up from the floor and slung it over his shoulder. “I am good for
some things.”

“What! You’re good for loads of things,” James exclaimed, throwing an arm around the
smaller boy as they started up the big staircase.

“Hah, bet that’s what his girlfriend says…” muttered Sirius, barely containing his grin.

They all groaned in unison.

“You’re ridiculous ,” sighed Peter.

Sirius opened his mouth, but Remus elbowed him. “If you make a single joke about being
Sirius I promise you will regret it for the rest of your life…”

“Thanks, Moony. Don’t think I could take many more of those,” Peter said.

“I think I need some friends who appreciate a good pun,” muttered Sirius.

“Maybe Snivellus is recruiting! The poor lad could probably do with some good pureblood
friends like you,” James suggested, his tone overly-cheerful.

Sirius chuckled. “Piss off, Potter.”

 ***

“Should we go in yet?”

“Shh, I’m listening, Sirius,”

“Sorry.”

“I can’t hear— ouch , Wormy you just stuck your claws into my shoulder…”

“Ow! Rem, that was my toe! Why are you so bloody tall?”

“It’s a werewolf thing.”

“…It is?”

“No, idiot. Okay, I hear him talking. Sirius be quiet…”

Remus pushed open the door to the bathroom slowly, creating a small gap for him, Sirius, and
Peter (in rat form) to enter under the invisibility cloak. They didn’t all fit anymore, so they
usually carried Peter around as a rat when they all needed to get under the cloak together.

In the bathroom, James was looking apprehensively up at the ghost of Moaning Myrtle, who
was floating up by one of the high windows, arms crossed and looking angrily down at him.

“This is already making me feel so much better,” Sirius whispered, grinning. Remus rolled
his eyes.

“I’m so glad.”

“Listen, Moa-Myrtle, er, Myrtle . I had a favor to ask…”

“A favor?” she asked, eyebrows arched.

“Yeah,” James paused, then his face lit up, and his voice became more confident. He’d had an
idea. “ Actually , it’s less for me but more for you!”

“Really?” her translucent eyes narrowed; clearly most people were not willing to do any
favors for Myrtle.

“It’s just, I know you spend all your time in this um, really nice bathroom, but I thought it’d
do you well to see another part of the castle…”

“Oh, he’s stupid.” Remus muttered. He felt Sirius’s exhale of a laugh on his cheek.

“ Really stupid.”
“Oh.” Myrtle’s voice had taken on a high pitched anger that even James could recognize. She
flew down from her spot by the window. James stumbled over his robes as he stepped back.
“You think I need to get out more, do you? Well, Potter , I actually don’t mind this…this…”

“This really nice bathroom?” supplied James.

“You’re lying to me.” She seemed close to tears now, her voice wavering and her bottom lip
trembling. Remus was beginning to think that James wouldn’t be able to redeem himself.

“No, no!” James tried to reassure her, rushing forward as though he were going to take
Myrtle by the shoulders. “I’d never lie to you. I mean, honestly, if I were a ghost I wouldn’t
half mind haunting a U-Bend in this girl’s toilet…”

“He’s done it now,” Sirius commented gleefully, biting his lip to contain his laughter.

He was right. As soon as the words were out of James’s mouth, Myrtle howled, and dove
head first into the nearest toilet.

Peter squeaked from Remus’s shoulder. Sirius sent his friend a half-glance, then shrugged.

“Yeah, I dunno, Wormy. I’m not sure where he can go from here…”

James, however, was hiding his secret weapon. A secret weapon, which was—quite literally
hidden—under an invisibility cloak in the corner of the room.

“Myrtle, I’m really sorry I’ve upset you…” James started slowly, approaching the stall she’d
flown into trepidatiously.

“You’re still here?” Her head popped up in the toilet bowl, scowling.

“Yeah, but my friend just showed up! Someone you like…”

“Is it him ?” The scowl melted off her face, and Remus realized, with a swooping feeling in
his gut, that he knew exactly where this was going. “…Lupin?”

Remus groaned.

“Yep! Come on out, Mr. Moony.”

“Oh, I am going to kill him.” Remus muttered, arms crossed. Sirius was shaking silently with
laughter, and Remus purposefully stepped on his toes as he ducked out from under the cloak.
He gently picked up Peter from his shoulder and pressed him into Sirius’s hands, taking the
opportunity to glare at him one more time. “Shut up!”

***
It had started snowing again by the time they left the bathroom. Students scurried from class
to class, some wearing scarves to avoid the chill that had settled in the stone corridors.

“I can’t believe I just watched Moony flirt with a ghost for twenty minutes.” Sirius chuckled.

“‘ Have you done something nice with your hair?’ ” Peter asked, mocking Remus in a—
frankly awful—imitation of his Welsh accent.

“Hah. She actually got quite offended by that one…” said Remus. “With good reason, I
suppose. She is dead, after all; she can’t do much with her hair.”

“She wasn’t offended when you told her that…oh, what was it?” James asked, giggling.

“Oh, oh, he said, ‘I’m not sure if it’s just the light in here, but you look gorgeous today,’”
Peter could barely talk for laughing. James muttered a “ gorgeous” between gasps of
laughter.

Remus, however, was not amused. He hid his face in his hands and grumbled. “ Stop, you’re
embarrassing me.” When they ignored him, he picked his head up with a newfound passion
and glared at them. “Oi! I’d like to see you try and do any better! She agreed to do the prank,
so clearly I was doing something right. You lot ought to start taking notes…”

“On flirting?” James asked, recovering somewhat from his laughing fit. “In case you haven’t
noticed, mate, you’re one of the only single ones here.”
“Oh, really? I hadn’t noticed, thanks, James.” Remus muttered, crossing his arms.

“Ah, but James, how could you forget that Moony is dating Padfoot!” Peter exclaimed. James
gasped, over-dramatically.

“You’re right, Pete! How could we forget!”

“We’re not dating, actually.” Sirius said. Remus tried to catch his eye, but he was staring
studiously ahead. Remus was upset at what Sirius had said that morning, but honestly he had
thought that they were fine now, that everything had been forgiven after the lunch incident.

Clearly, he’d been wrong.

There was an awkward silence. Two second years bounded past them, shrieking with laughter
and covered in snow.

“You know,” James said carefully, “I was thinking that you guys could probably stop your
dare now. I think you’ve convinced the school at this point.”

Remus felt his heart plummet, but decided to let Sirius talk first.

“Yeah, alright,” he was looking at the ground but looked up and shot Remus a tentative smile.
“I suppose we did do a pretty good job.”

Remus stared at him in silence a moment, the tiniest frown creasing his features. “I guess,”
he said eventually. “I’m going to the library.”
 Remus's footsteps echoed off the stone walls, and he tried to ignore the feeling of Sirius's
eyes on his back as he walked away.

Chapter End Notes

hello again :) comment and kudos if you would like !! thank you to everyone who has
been reading/loving this fic <3
 amateurs
Chapter Notes

EDITED: 8.13.21
hello:)) later on in this chapter there's some talk of homophobia and another vague
mention of physical abuse. take care <3

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“ If I could give you the moon

I would give you the moon.”

— “moon song,” phoebe bridgers

Hestia ran her fingers through Marlene’s hair, gently pulling through the golden tangles and
humming something slow just under her breath. The two were sitting in a hidden enclave
behind a portrait near the Gryffindor common room. It was a room that they’d found at the
start of term, and would hide in when they didn’t want to be bothered.

Marlene sighed as Hestia began sectioning the chunk of hair, then gently twisting and
braiding it.

“Something on your mind?” Hestia asked, listening to the irritated huffs of breath her
girlfriend emitted every few minutes. She could picture the little creases in between
Marlene’s pale eyebrows and the tip of her tongue just visible between her teeth as she
concentrated.

“Just this bloody Ancient Runes exam,” Marlene sighed again, looking down at the open
textbook in front of her, the beam of light from her wand illuminating the strange symbols.

“Hair tie.” Marlene pressed the hair tie into the hand that appeared just on the edges of her
vision. As soon as the braid was secure, Hestia peered over Marlene’s shoulder and quietly
scanned the page. Pulling back, she pressed a kiss on the base of her neck before starting on
the other braid. “I wouldn’t worry, love, you always do well in Ancient Runes. Besides, you
don’t even need the Newt to be a Healer; I thought you just liked the subject.”

Hestia secured the second braid, and Marlene sighed again. “I did like the subject, until last
night…when I remembered I needed to study it.” Marlene slumped back between Hestia’s
legs, her back pressed against her chest. “I wish Remus was here…”
Marlene felt Hestia chuckle beneath her. “Oi! I doubt Remus could braid your hair and
cuddle you as well as I can.”

“I suppose.” Marlene grinned, then pressed a kiss to Hestia’s jaw, the closest part of her she
could reach. “I only meant that he’s the best at Ancient Runes, which even Lily would admit,
and I just—”

The portrait hiding their spot was flung back, and the two surprised girls were met with the
faces of James, Sirius, and Peter.

“How’d you find this place?” Hestia asked, breaking the awkward silence.

Peter chuckled. “We found it when we were eleven.”

“Amateurs,” Sirius added under his breath.

“Oi! If you’re just going to be rude, you can leave,” Marlene crossed her arms and scowled
up at the boys. Sirius opened his mouth, surely with some snappy retort on the tip of his
tongue, but James spoke before he could.

“Sorry Marls,” James said quickly, before Marlene and Sirius began truly bickering. “We
were just wondering if you’ve seen Remus?”

***

Remus was very much regretting his decision to hide out in the greenhouses. It was fucking
freezing, and there was a particularly active plant that kept trying to yank at his hair. He’d
taken refuge under one of the tables, mostly to avoid the plant assault but also to avoid any
students who might come in.

The colder it got, the more he began to wonder why he was such a bloody idiot.

He’d taken the map with him, so was able to watch for anyone who might try and find him.
Frank had come in earlier, presumably on some mission for Professor Sprout. Remus had
held his breath, but the other boy didn’t seem to have noticed him as he checked on the
Mandrakes growing in the corner before leaving with Alice, who was waiting for him at the
door.

Despite his attempts to hide from his friends, he was hardly surprised when Sirius found him
about an hour or so into his seclusion. Remus didn’t even need the map to know who it was.
He had recognized the gentle, familiar sound of his footsteps and the subtle scent of coconuts
and something earthy and Sirius that just seemed to follow him wherever he went. He was
alone, Remus could tell, but a glance at the map showed James and Peter down by the
kitchens.
“Moooony, I know you’re in here,” called Sirius, coming to stop right in front of the table
Remus was under.

“How’d you find me?” Remus grumbled, resigning himself to his fate. Sirius’s face appeared
then, grinning, and he crawled under the table so he could settle himself across from Remus.

Their knees were pressed together and with a pang in his chest, Remus remembered the night
before, behind the portrait. They’d been in a similarly close position. But, he supposed wryly,
the situations were rather different.

“Frank told me.” Sirius shrugged.

“The snitch! And I thought I’d hidden myself well…”

“ Well , I wouldn’t get too upset with Frank. He may or may not have been threatened to tell
me with dire consequences to vital parts of his anatomy.”

“Sirius, you can’t just threaten people like that,” Remus rolled his eyes. When he met Sirius’s
again, they were shining with indignation.

“Hey! If I hadn’t threatened him you might have frozen to death before I found you.” Remus
cursed silently as his body chose that moment to shiver violently, only proving Sirius right. “I
mean, honestly, you look terrible.”

“Sweet of you,” he said dryly, pulling his hands up into the sleeves of his robe, hoping to find
some warmth there. He looked down apprehensively when Sirius held out his hands. “What
are you doing?”

“Give me your hands, Rem. I can’t have you dying on me before we make up.” Make up .
Giving in with a grumble, Remus put his hands into Sirius’s blessedly warm ones.

“Is that what you’re here for? To make up?” Remus asked. Sirius paused before responding,
gently rubbing the warmth back into Remus’s hands. (It was incredibly distracting.)

“Yes. But, er, well, I don’t want you to feel you need to give me anything or—” Sirius
stumbled along rather awkwardly.

Remus raised an eyebrow, playing the role of cool and composed, despite feeling very much
the opposite. “Well, that’s good. I wasn’t planning on shagging you under this Herbology
table in below freezing weather, if that’s what you were implying. Besides, the Mandrakes
are only babies, and I really don’t think Professor Sprout would appreciate them being
exposed to that.”

Sirius chuckled. “I meant that I don’t want you to feel you need to say anything. I just wanted
to apologize for saying that thing about being a disappointment to your parents for being a
werewolf and—”

“—gay.” Remus finished, voice quiet, the humor that had lined his face moments before had
gone. Sirius nodded.
“Yes. Honestly, Remus, you’re the best person I know. I can’t imagine anyone being
disappointed in you. It was a silly thing to say, and I think I was just projecting...”

“Have you secretly become a werewolf since the last full moon?”

“Well, no, but I am a pureblood. Gay werewolf, gay pureblood, same difference.”

“I suppose I just got upset because you weren’t wrong . Honestly, my parents probably would
be disappointed if they knew. I suppose my mother wouldn’t be too upset by it, but it would
just become another thing we never talk about. Another fucking secret . My father would
probably yell and…and…”

“Yeah.” Sirius said in a whisper, understanding without needing the other boy to go on.

“And, well, that’s just the thing, isn’t it— no one is going to accept us, really. The Wizarding
World isn’t so different from the Muggle one. I know you’ve seen the looks we’ve been
getting in the halls these past few days, and just this afternoon on my way down here I heard
these boys saying the most awful things about Marlene and Hestia…” Remus tore his eyes
away from Sirius and watched as the purple and orange winter evening glow settled over the
snowy landscape.

“Is that why you left last night?” Sirius asked, his thumb ghosting over Remus’s left palm.
Their eyes met again, and Remus gave a tiny nod.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I said. About—about not being like that . I really like
you. A lot. It was shitty of me.” Finally saying it out loud felt like both a weight lifting off his
shoulders, yet also the scariest thing he’d ever done. He bit his lip and watched Sirius’ hands
around his. “It’s just…dangerous.”

“Has that ever stopped us before?” Sirius asked. He had that almost-crazed gleam in his eyes
that filled Remus simultaneously with a sense of nerves and that exhilarating feeling of being
able to do anything in the world. “What’s life without a little risk? We could give it a shot…if
you want.”

Remus sighed, already hating himself for what he was about to say. “Can I just think about
it?” Part of him felt like a coward—he’d practically dreamt of this for the past two years. The
other part of him felt like this is what he deserved. He was a coward and a monster and a
million other things that made him unworthy of anything Sirius had to offer him.

Not sure if Sirius would be angry with him, he held his breath as he waited for a response.
There was no yelling though, only another soft brush of Sirius’ fingers against his hand.

“Of course,” Sirius said gently. “But you should know that I did mean what I said in that note
—you are the most gorgeous, most wonderful boy I’ve ever met.” His voice was so gentle, in
fact, that Remus thought he might cry.

“Thank you,” Remus whispered. Hearing the wavering tone of his own voice, Remus cleared
his throat. He blinked back the emotion and busied himself with climbing out from under the
table.
“Hungry? I do believe our dear Severus has a date to dinner tonight.” It was a familiar, light
topic, which Remus was in need of at that moment. He held out his hand to Sirius and pulled
him up.

“Oh, absolutely.”

As Sirius walked back up to the school with Remus beside him, he thought about the
conversation they’d just had. Knowing Remus liked him ( really liked him . A lot ) made his
stomach flip.

He’d meant what he’d said—he would wait for Remus if he had too; he knew he’d come
around. And before he did, Sirius would be sure to show him that it was okay—okay to be
different, okay to be loved and love in return. It didn’t have to be a bad thing. In fact, it was
the very same lesson that Remus and James and Peter had taught him time and time again
over the past seven years—he’d only be paying forward the favor.

James and Peter were waiting for them by the front doors, sharing a slice of cake they’d
clearly gotten from the kitchens.

“Chocolate cake? I thought you two were supposed to be looking for me.” Remus crossed his
arms and gave his friends his most Prefect-like look.

“Well, it was for you, actually, but Mr-I’m-Starving-and-Haven’t-Eaten-Since-Lunch just

couldn’t wait,” Peter said, turning on James as well.

“Oi! You had some too!” James waved his fork in the air indignantly and a small piece of
cake flew off it, landing some feet away on the stone floor. James turned his chocolaty grin
towards Remus and Sirius. “So…you two make up? Make out ?”

Remus rolled his eyes, and took the cake and fork from James’s hands. “No,” he said, before
taking a bite of the demolished remains.

“You didn’t make up?”

“We made up, we didn’t make out.” Clarified Sirius.

Remus nodded, mouth full. On any other occasion, Remus would not have eaten leftovers
from either James or Peter, let alone their combined leftovers, but he felt he deserved some
cake after the day he’d just had, and was willing to do pretty much anything to get it (even if
that meant being the third person to eat from a single unwashed fork).

“Honestly, sometimes I wonder why Lily gave in to you,” Remus commented, after
swallowing.

“Hey! I’m a very sweet and fun guy.”

James was ignored, and Sirius chuckled. “I often find myself wondering the exact same
thing, Moony.”

***

Their prank on Snape was a nice distraction for Remus. He was able to laugh and poke fun at
him as Myrtle stood behind him the whole evening, making loud, flirty comments, much to
the chagrin of their greasy-haired nemesis.

He hadn’t even minded the talking-to from Lily and the other girls that evening. It felt merely
like the next few steps in a dance he’d perfected over the last seven years.

“You four are really going to get in trouble for that stunt at dinner,” Lily said. The four boys
were sitting on their usual couch, while Lily stood menacingly before them. “In fact, as Head
Girl, I should be giving you all detention.”

“As Head Boy, can I get us all out of detention?” James inquired. Lily sent him a withering
glare, and he raised his hands in surrender. “Sorry. Love you.” (Remus saw her smile a little
at that before she promptly turned away from them).

“First of all, that’s probably the first time Myrtle’s left that bathroom in the past thirty years
—so they should be congratulating us, or at least asking how we did it,” said Sirius.

“How did you do it?” Mary asked, curiosity laced into her voice. She’d perched herself on
the arm of Alice’s chair, and had been absentmindedly flicking through a textbook before
Lily had started her tirade against the boys.

“It was Remus,” said Peter.

“As usual,” James added with a boyish grin. “Apparently he’s really good at flirting with
ghosts.”

“Flirting with ghosts?” Mary repeated.

“I’m not sure if it’s just the light in here, but you look gorgeous today,” Sirius said, deepening
his voice.

Remus rolled his eyes. “I do not sound like that,” he muttered.

“Oh, Remus, you did not say that,” Alice said between laughs.

“I did, and I’m regretting it more and more as it becomes increasingly clear that no one is
ever going to let me live it down.” Remus sighed, and dropped his head into his hands as his
friends fell into another round of giggles.
 When everyone eventually pulled it together, Sirius found that he was running five minutes
late for his detention that evening. Muttering something about McGonagall actually killing
him , he scrambled out of the room, the portrait swinging shut behind him.

Moments after he left, Peter smacked a hand to his forehead in a way that was almost
comical. “Dorm room! Emergency Marauder meeting,” he said, jumping up and shooting
glances at the girls. In a low whisper, he continued: “We forgot about Dumbledore!”

Not wanting to exclude Sirius from the meeting with Dumbledore, the boys eventually ended
up writing a letter to their Headmaster to explain the situation with the Black’s Christmas
party and to ask if they could meet with him ASAP.

They had a few arguments over the wording ( “We can’t say ‘ASAP’, Prongs, I highly doubt
Dumbledore knows what that means.”…“I thought he was smart, Moony!”...“Well, yes, but
Wizards don’t really use it, do they?”...“I do, and I’m a Wizard.”...“I’m writing ‘as soon as
possible’.”...“Moony!”...”Sorry, Prongs, but you did say Moony should write the
letter.”...“Piss off, Wormtail.” ), but eventually they’d all stuck their heads out of the window
to watch James' owl carry the letter the short distance to Dumbledore’s office. They watched
until the night obscured their vision, and they could only hope it had made it.

“Do you think it will get intercepted?” Peter asked, pulling on his pyjamas and glancing,
worried, at the window every few moments.

“No, we practically watched it the whole way. Unless someone’s killed Dumbledore, taken
over his office, has read the letter, and knows what we were writing about, I’d say we’ll be
alright.”

“Merlin, James, that’s quite the image.” Remus said with a snort, settling into his bed with a
book in his hands ( Pride and Prejudice —his mother’s old copy. It was, without a doubt, his
comfort book).

“My mother used to tell me I have an overactive imagination…”

“You seem far too proud of that.”

“No one would be able to break in and kill Dumbledore…right?”

“Dumbledore will be fine, Pete, no need to worry your pretty little head over it.”

“Ugh, James .”

Chapter End Notes

comment and kudos if you would like!! i hope you all enjoyed the chapter <3
 mon petit chou
Chapter Notes

i've had an incredibly chaotic three weeks. lots of exams and papers and projects !! it's
not been super fun, but i'm back now haha. this chapter has been in the making for quite
a while, since i've had basically no time to write, so sorry if it feels a little weirdly
written. i have a pretty solid plan for the next chapter and i've got lots of time so
hopefully that will be up soon. anyway ! enjoy !

EDITED: 8.19.21
some more major edits about halfway through this chapter! though I did edit the
beginning quite a bit too. this chapter actually gets really depressing lmao and it may or
may not have been because i listened to the entirety of phoebe bridgers' discography
while editing it

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“ I'm trying to make up my mind

Just how I feel

Could you tell me what's real?

I hear your voice on the phone

Now I'm no longer alone ”

— “can i call you tonight?” dayglow

tuesday, december 17, 1977

Dear Remus,

Thank you for writing. Artemis seemed excited to see me—she ate nearly all my breakfast
right off my plate! Your father says I shouldn’t let an owl behave like that, but I found it all
rather amusing.

I’m glad to hear you’ve had a good term so far. Are you feeling okay? I know that the full
passed only just a few days ago. Your father says it’s silly, but I never sleep well on those
nights—I worry myself sick over you, cariad.
I know you’re planning on staying for the Christmas holidays, but I, and your father of
course, were hoping you might come back home for the Easter ones. I can’t wait to see my
soon-to-be Hogwarts graduate.

Also, this package arrived today. I thought I’d send it with Artemis. I ended up having to send
your father’s owl as well, as the package was so big. I’m assuming it’s a Christmas present,
since it was wrapped when it arrived, so I just let it be.

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, darling,

Love,

Mother

P.S. Your father wants me to ask if you could ask Artemis to not bite him as much. I suspect
he’s just jealous she likes me more than him, though I wouldn’t dare say it. Feed her an extra
sausage for me, won’t you?

Remus looked up from his letter, and nudged a half-eaten sausage towards his snowy owl.
Artemis ate it quickly before turning on Sirius’s plate and eating some of his eggs. Sirius
tried to push her away but she merely nipped gently at his fingers and nudged his hand out of
the way with the top of her feathered head. (Artemis was a very spoiled owl. Remus could
never find it in himself to deny her anything.)

“From your mum?” James asked, eyes scanning the big wrapped package that Lyall Lupin’s
owl was perched on, gazing importantly at the students surrounding him.

Remus hummed non-committedly, re-reading his mother’s words. He sighed and set the
paper down, looking up to shoo away his father’s bird. “Go!”—the owl only looked at him
—“Go on!”

This time, the owl hooted once, and flew away. “Prat.” Remus muttered.

“The owl?” Peter asked around a bite of toast.

“My father,” Remus clarified. “It’s always ‘your father says’ this and ‘your father says’ that. I
mean honestly, it’s like the man bloody controls her every thought.”

“Well, does he?” Sirius asked, still fighting a losing battle with Artemis over his breakfast.
“Walburga used to say the most ridiculous stuff about wives being controlled by their
husbands.”

It had been nearly a whole year since Sirius ran away from home, and he had taken to calling
his real mother and father Walburga and Orion, respectively. (Mr and Mrs. Potter were now
“mum” and “dad”, but Remus knew Sirius still felt a little awkward about it sometimes).

Remus sighed again. “I suppose he does…he bloody controls everything else.” He looked
back down at the letter.
I worry myself sick over you, cariad… your father says it’s silly…

“What’s in the package?” Peter asked, drawing Remus from his thoughts. Inside the plain
brown wrappings was the Christmas present that Remus had ordered Sirius a few days
previous.

“A Christmas present.” Remus folded up the letter and slipped it back into its envelope.

“Who’s it for?” Sirius asked, wiggling his eyebrows. Remus rolled his eyes at him but smiled
a little all the same.

“I guess you’ll just have to find out.”

Sirius stuck his tongue out at him and Remus returned the gesture.

The two hadn’t yet talked about their conversation in the greenhouses the day before. Remus
was worried that Sirius would become impatient, as he often did, and leave him behind. His
fears had been assuaged somewhat when he’d woken that morning to find Sirius curled up, in
dog form, at the end of his bed.

“You were having a nightmare,” he’d said, when Remus asked.

“ You don’t have to climb into my bed every time I have a nightmare, you know. ”

“ I have since we were eleven, haven’t I? ” (Remus couldn’t argue with that.)

Remembering the events of that morning dampened Remus’ mood as he pushed the remains
of his breakfast around with his fork. It wasn’t because he was upset with Sirius, but rather
that his thoughtful actions only reminded Remus of what he was missing out on. Of what he
was pushing away for some reason he barely even understood himself. He knew his friends
loved him, but did he really deserve this? To be loved like this ?

As if sensing something was the matter, Sirius leaned in towards Remus. “You alright,
Moons? Is it your dad? Because dads are usually assholes. You don’t even need a dad, really,
‘cause we’ve got James. James is like…well he’s really more like his mum but he’s got just
as many dad qualities I suppose. He’s certainly got all the jokes for one—”

Sirius squealed as James flicked a glob of eggs at him from across the table.

“I do not have dad jokes , Sirius!”

“Yes you do,” Peter said, grinning from behind the lip of his tea cup. “Remember the very
first time we met, when we were eight and I’d just moved to town? My mum had talked to
yours, and we all had this lunch at your house. Afterwards you made us go outside to look for
gnomes to sneak into the dining room and I was bloody freezing and I said, ‘I’m cold.’ And
you said, ‘hi cold, I’m James.’ You made the dad joke. And it was the lamest thing I think
you’ve ever done.”

“ How have we never heard this story?” Sirius exclaimed between laughs.
“I can’t believe you stayed friends with him, Pete,” Remus said, smiling despite himself. (His
friends always managed to make him smile.)

“I can hardly believe it myself.” Peter shook his head mock-solemnly.

James’ dark skin was flushed a deep red from embarrassment. “ Guys ,” he whined, “listen, I
didn’t get out much! I really only hung out with my parents until Pete moved nearby. And
you’ve all met my dad, so it shouldn’t be that shocking.”

“I think he’s just naturally lame,” Sirius whispered into Remus’ ear.

Remus grinned. “Oh, definitely.”

“I hear you two whispering over there!”

***

Mum,

Artemis seems glad to be back. She ate nearly all of Sirius’s eggs this morning. I swear she’s
fed; I suppose she’s just got a big appetite (wonder who she picked that up from).

The moon was alright, just bad timing because of exams and all that. You needn’t worry
about me. I’m sorry I've worried you. My moon’s have gotten loads easier and they’re always
better at school anyway.

I’ll come back for the Easter holidays… If you want, I can——

Just as Remus let out an irritated huff, the portrait hole swung open and Sirius climbed
through. He was walking slowly, and nearly walked into three people as he made his way
over to them. In the same trance-like way he’d walked towards them, Sirius pulled out the
chair next to Remus and sat down. There seemed to be a small square of paper closed tight in
his fist. Tentatively, Remus reached out a foot to brush against his.

Sirius startled when he felt the tip of Remus’ shoe brush across his ankle. He looked up at
Remus, and then back down at the note in his hand—the note Regulus had given him.
Remus’ gaze followed his.

“What’s wrong, mate?” James asked, not even needing to look up from his Charms textbook
to tell Sirius was in a mood.
Still saying nothing, Sirius watched as Remus crumpled up his unfinished letter and dropped
it into his bag

“I saw Regulus in the hall,” he said eventually. The other three boys perked up at this, and
exchanged glances with each other.

“Did you…er, talk?” Peter asked gently.

“Not particularly.”

Remus looked back down at the note in Sirius’ hand. It was folded in an intricate tiny square
—the way Regulus used to always fold his secret letters to Sirius when he was living at
Grimmauld Place.

Sirius still hadn’t opened it.

“Is that from him?” Remus asked gently. James had abandoned his Charms textbook.
(Somewhere in the back of his mind Sirius registered that their Charms exam was in about an
hour).

“Yes, I—I haven’t opened it.”

“Do you want me to?” Remus asked.

“I can break out my aristocratic voice again, if you’d like,” James offered, speaking in that
same terrible accent he’d used when reading Bellatrix’s letter a few days before.

Sirius smiled weakly. “Thanks guys. I think I’ll be alright, though.”

They nodded and watched quietly as Sirius unfolded the letter (a pang in his chest at the
familiarity of it all) and read Regulus’ flowing script that so resembled his own.

Sirius,

Do not come home for Christmas.

It’s a trap.

Mother told me she’d lock me up if I tell, but

I couldn’t sit by and let her trick you again.

It’s too late for me, but you’ve got your

freedom—and I can’t let you lose it now.

Don’t come home.

Your brother,
 R.A.B.

Sirius read it once, then read it over again. What did this mean?

You’ve got your freedom—and I can’t let you lose it now .

Did Regulus not resent him for leaving? But then he’d said it was “too late” for him. What
did that mean? What had they done to him?

“Pads?” That was James, brows furrowed behind his glasses as he leaned across the table on
his elbows towards Sirius.

Wordlessly, Sirius placed the note on the table and slid it to the middle. They all hurried to
gather around it.

Remus finished first, sitting back down in his seat with a frown.

“What's he mean, ‘ it’s too late for me ’?” Peter asked, sitting down as well and sliding the
note back towards Sirius.

“I dunno. I was wondering the same thing,” Sirius sighed.

Remus bit his lip. “You don’t think that maybe…maybe they gave him the… mark ?”

“The Dark Mark,” James breathed, eyes wide.

They were all quiet as they let the gravity of his words settle in the air among them.

Sirius took a steadying breath, startling when he felt Remus pull at his hand. He’d begun
gently scratching at the skin of his arm without noticing. He let Remus take his hand, and
looked down to see the pale pink lines he’d made already fading into nothing.

If Sirius knew anything—it was that Regulus was not meant to be a Death Eater. He was a bit
of a follower, sure, but he was also funny and sweet and thoughtful. He was brave—but in a
different way than Sirius’ loud and reckless bravery. He was calculated and quiet, sneaking
into Sirius’ room when their parents were asleep or slipping notes and food through the
cracks in the cellar walls. Slytherin through and through, but not evil . Never evil.

“I can’t imagine…”

“Can’t imagine what, Sirius?” Remus asked quietly.

He hadn’t even realized he’d spoken aloud. “Sorry.”

Remus squeezed his hand. “Nothing to be sorry for.”

“He’s only sixteen. What do you think…what’ll they make him do?”

“I don’t know, mate,” James said, frowning.

“He’s strong, isn’t he? He’ll be alright?” Peter said, sounding rather unsure.

Feeling suddenly teary, Sirius shrugged, not trusting his own voice. He looked back down at
his lap, trying to blink away the tears (why did he always have to cry ? His father used to
sneer at him, tell him how unmanly he was for crying all the time). He only looked up when
he felt Remus tug on his hand.

“Hug?” Remus asked, letting go of his hand and opening his arms for Sirius. Unable to hold
back his tears any longer, Sirius moved from his chair to collapse into Remus’ lap, burying
his face into his chest with a sob (quite glad the Common Room was empty due to exams).
He heard James and Peter moving too, and felt as they both laid comforting hands on his
shoulders and back.

“It shouldn’t have to be like this,” Sirius muttered thickly through his tears and Remus’
school robes. “It’s not fair.”

Remus ran his fingers through Sirius’ hair. “I know, Pads,” he whispered. “I know.”

***

Their exams that day passed quickly, But Remus had a hard time getting Sirius out of his
mind and diving fully into his studies. It was less about their complicated romantic
relationship and more about what had happened with Regulus earlier that afternoon. He’d
held Sirius until they’d needed to leave for their exam—held him even after he’d stopped
crying and laughed at something stupid James said. Remus was still keeping his eye on
Sirius, however. Still wary about how he was taking it all.

Watching Sirius, Remus found (unsurprisingly), rather distracted him from his exam.

There had been an incident during their practical Charms exam where Remus glanced over at
Sirius and when he had smiled at him from across the room, Remus completely lost focus
and shot Professor Flitwick right in the face violently with the (previously) gentle stream of
water coming out of his wand. He knocked him flat on his back.

(Remus had apologized profusely and tried to make the point that he had done the spell
correctly—but he wasn’t sure that helped his case.)

Later, when the waning moon had only just risen past the treeline, the halls of Hogwarts were
full as students happily made their way back to their dorms—full of dinner and laughter and
whispers.

Remus was deep in thought as he weaved his way unconsciously through the crowds, eyes
watching for the moon through the windows they passed.

“What are you thinking about?” Sirius asked, falling into step next to Remus. James was
walking ahead with Lily, and Peter had disappeared with his new girlfriend Caroline.
“My mum,” Remus said, not looking at Sirius. He was still struggling to write a response to
her last letter. Something in the back of his mind was holding him back, but he couldn’t quite
put his finger on what it was.

“Hm.” Sirius hummed in response, following Remus’s line of sight until he saw the moon,
hovering just over the trees. He nudged Remus’s shoulder to draw his attention away.
“Y’know, Rem, I’ve met your mum.”

“Er, yeah?”

“Yep. And she speaks loads more Welsh than you! Why didn’t she teach you?”

“Well, she did. We used to do Welsh lessons when I was little, but I was never very
interested. Merlin knows why. I wish I’d paid more attention.”

“Maybe you two can start them up again.”

Remus frowned. “Yeah, maybe.”

“What is it?”

“Nothing.” Remus shrugged and grew quiet. A few younger kids raced past them. “Um, I
suppose I know a few words. Mum calls me cariad —which is Welsh. It means…er, darling
or love or something.”

They arrived at the portrait hole, but neither made a move to enter the common room.

“You know, if we were dating, you could call me Welsh terms of endearment and I could call
you French ones,” Sirius suggested slowly.

Remus snorted. “Oh? Like what?”

“You could be… mon petit chou !”

“What’s that mean?”

“Well, technically, it means my little cabbage…”

Remus laughed. “How charming. Can your little cabbage have a little more time to think
about—”

“—oh no! Take all the time you want. I was just, erm…”

“Trying to sway me?”

“Yes!” Remus raised an eyebrow. “Wait, no! I meant no.”

“Sure you did.”

“I did!”

“Alright, cabbage boy.”

Chapter End Notes

i hope you liked this chapter ! comment and kudos if you want ! <3

EDITED: just wanted to add here that the way that regulus folds his notes is the same
way harry and dumbledore find his note in the locket in half-blood prince (based off the
movie-honestly can't remember what it's like in the books lol)
 reasons i should and should not date sirius black
Chapter Notes

hello all :) i hope you like the chapter today! it's a bit of a two-parter, so it's a little
shorter than some of the others. i like it a lot though!

EDITED: 8.20.21
minimal edits in this one but I will be posting the next chapter at the same time!! mostly
bc they go together but also it's done and I'm not good at waiting lmao

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“ I lie awake and dream about you

If you only knew

What I'm going through

Time and again I get ashamed

To say your name

It's hard to grin and bear

When you're standing there

My lips are dry

I catch your eye and look away ”

— “elton’s song,” elton john

wednesday, december 18, 1977

“Mum says hi to you three,” James said, nibbling on some buttered toast as he looked over
his mother’s letter at breakfast. “ Aw, and she gives Sirius, her fav— her favorite son ? Oh,
come on.” He frowned, and sent a glare Sirius’s way.

Sirius laughed, and tried to peek around James’s shoulder to see what the letter said. “What
did she want to give me?”

“Well, she wanted me to give you a hug, but I’m not so sure I’m going to give you one now.”
“Get over here, you twat.” Sirius made a grab for James, which he failed to dodge as Lily was
next to him and the only place he could go was backwards off the bench. He struggled in
Sirius’s arms a little, but Sirius was a tight hugger, and eventually he gave up with a sigh.

“Are you going to let me go?”

Sirius dropped his arms with a grin. “If it’s any consolation, you’re my favorite brother.”

“Eurgh. Let’s not get too sappy. It’s far too early in the morning.” Peter mumbled, hands
grasped around his tea like it was keeping him alive. He made his tea religiously every
morning—English Breakfast, with far too much milk and two carefully selected sugar cubes.

“Pete, it’s eight-thirty.” Remus pointed out. He was holding his own tea (his second of the
morning—Chamomile), and flicking lazily through the Daily Prophet .

“Yeah, but I was kept up half the night by Potter’s chattering. I mean, honestly, it was like
when we were fifteen and he would talk about Lily all night .” Peter chuckled a little at the
memories. “Merlin, remember? It was all… ‘ did you see Lily got a haircut over the
summer?’ ”

“ Do you think Lily likes my stubble? She probably doesn’t…I should shave it, shouldn’t I? ”
Remus added, sniggering as James’s pouty expression across the table.

“ Lily’s so pretty… ” Sirius said, voice mock-dreamy as he batted his eyelashes at James.

“Oi! That’s enough, thank you very much. Besides, we had loads to talk about last night…I
mean, The Order of the Phoenix ,” he dropped his voice to a whisper and leant in closer to the
other Marauders.

They’d learnt about the Order the night before, after Dumbledore had summoned them to
discuss the Black Christmas Party situation. He’d seemed impressed with their sleuthing and
general dedication, even if they didn’t have lots of information. They were able to tell him
that there was going to be a party where there was sure to be lots of dark witches and
wizards, if Regulus’ note was anything to go by. They’d also told Dumbledore of their
suspicions about Regulus, but he didn’t seem overly concerned about it. His nonchalance had
irked Sirius—Regulus was only one person, sure, but he was his brother . He wasn’t beyond
help, surely?

“I can’t believe I missed it. Bloody detention,” Peter said, glaring at Sirius at the word
‘detention’, but Sirius ignored him, sparing the small boy only a fleeting grin.

“It’s exciting, isn’t it?” James continued, eyes gleaming in a familiar prank-planning kind of
way. “We’ll get to be right in the middle of it all—fighting Death Eaters and sneaking around
and saving people…”

“You make it sound a lot more fun than it probably will be,” Remus said with a snort.

“You don’t think it sounds fun, Moons?”

“I mean, I’m not sure fun is the word I’d use…I suppose I just think you all need to look at it
a little more realistically. This is a war, after all, people will die.” There was a silence, and
Remus hurried to fill it. “Besides, I suppose I just know where my place will be in all of
this.”

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked, brows furrowed.

“I can’t imagine Dumbledore has any other werewolves on his side. And, you’ve all been
reading the Prophet, loads of werewolves are turning to Voldemort,” Remus shrugged,
“they’ll send me into all kinds of werewolf encampments I’m sure—to figure out what their
plans are and all that.”

“But that sounds… really dangerous.” James said. “Surely he wouldn’t send you out alone.”

“It’s a war, Prongs.” Remus repeated with a shrug.

Around the castle, as the final day of exams dawned, students began to tentatively look
forward to Christmas and the final Hogsmeade visit of the term on Saturday.

That morning, Hagrid could be seen lugging a massive Christmas tree through the Great Hall,
leaving a trail of melting snow and pine needles behind him. The teachers had done most of
the decorating, as they usually did, but the students were adding their own festive flair.

“It’s brilliant, isn’t it?” Sirius asked, grinning broadly as two Ravenclaw fourth years walked
through the doorway of a nearby room, before stopping to stare at each other in a panic as
mistletoe appeared above their heads. A few people in the hall cheered and whistled, and the
two flushed before one gave the other a very awkward kiss on the cheek.

“And it works on every door?” Remus asked, watching as the Ravenclaws scurried in
opposite directions.

“Yep. If two people walk under any doorway in the castle, mistletoe will appear above their
heads and they’ll have to kiss.”

“What happens if they don’t?” Peter asked, somewhat alarmed.

“Well, nothing. But they should . It’s festive!”

“Where’d you even find this spell?” James asked. People seemed to be catching on to what
was happening, and crowds began forming as students hesitated to enter the classrooms.

“Library. It was a few spells really—just had to mush them all together.” Sirius shrugged. It
was usually a sign that if Sirius Black was seen in the library, pranks were being planned.

“Remus!” a voice called out from behind them. The Marauders turned and Remus’s stomach
sank somewhat as he recognized the golden blonde flop of hair and obnoxious smile
belonging to Gilderoy Lockhart, sixth year Ravenclaw.
“Oh, Lockhart.” He said, sounding not nearly as excited as the other boy.

“You can call me Gilderoy,” he said, flashing his teeth. “I was just heading to the library to
study for my Defense Against the Dark Arts exam, then I saw you—Hogwarts’ best study
group leader!”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “But you’ve never been to one of my study sessions.” He said,
remembering distinctly Lockhart telling him he ‘ knew it all already ’ after extending an
invitation the year before.

Lockhart flushed a pale pink. “I know, but I was just hoping you would help me go over a
few topics for my exam this afternoon? Unless,”—his eyes roamed over Sirius, James, and
Peter standing behind Remus—“you’re already busy.”

“Nah, we’re just leaving. Enjoy your studying , Rem.” Sirius said, eyes unusually cold as
they looked over Lockhart. Remus wasn’t quite sure where all the possessiveness was
coming from, and felt it was rather an overreaction. James seemed to feel the same, and
Remus saw him roll his eyes. It was only studying, after all.

“Erm, right. Thanks. Good luck on your Care of Magical Creatures exam.” Remus waved
them off.

“They’re a bit weird, your friends.” Lockhart said, as he and Remus began weaving their way
towards the library, having to dodge several harried students as they went.

“You wouldn’t think so, if you got to know them. They’re loyal and kind and funny. They’re
just a bit protective of me, is all.” Remus shrugged, already annoyed with the younger boy.
Lockhart got on his nerves on the best of days, and it was certainly not the best of days.

He’d spent the night dreaming of Sirius, jerking awake a few times only to watch him sleep
through the gap in his curtains, moonlight touching the high planes of his face. He was well
aware of what his heart wanted—had wanted since they were fifteen and Sirius had held his
hand as James pierced his ears in the dorm bathroom (a somewhat risky choice of piercer, but
James was surprisingly careful-handed when he needed to be)—but his head was still holding
him back from making any kind of move (he was one reasons-I-should-and-should-not-date-
Sirius-Black list from going absolutely mad).

Luckily, when they arrived at the library, Remus and Lockhart were able to enter at the same
time as another small group of students, and were saved from any mistletoe appearing above
their heads. Remus couldn’t even imagine what kissing Lockhart would be like. Probably
toothy . He couldn’t help but chuckle at the mental image, and Lockhart shot him a
questioning look.

“Sorry. Just thought of something funny.” They stopped at a table that was about midway
through the library, next to a large window overlooking the lake. “This good?”

“Brilliant.” Lockhart set his books down a little too loudly than necessary. “Defense Against
the Dark Arts is really my best subject, you know.” Lockhart commented as he flipped
through his textbook. Remus had sat down and was studying a chip in the wood table with
great interest. “I’ll be famous one day, I reckon. Slayer of werewolves and vampires, saver of
the downtrodden.”

“Slayer of werewolves?” Remus repeated, trying to keep his voice light as he flicked his gaze
up to meet Lockhart’s bright blue eyes (much more blue than Sirius’).

“Mhm…but that’s beside the point. Studying.” Lockhart stated, looking over at Remus from
under his lashes. “Like you said earlier, I don’t really study…so, won’t you show me how?”

“Er,” Remus pulled the book over so it sat between them, not noticing the way Lockhart tried
to drag his fingers across his hand when they passed. “I mean, it’s not that hard…”

***

Remus spent nearly an hour quizzing Lockhart on everything from Inferi to the Unforgivable
Curses. They’d even practiced some nonverbal spells, though he wasn’t very good at those.
Remus felt the only thing he was good at was the shield charm—which he’d nearly
perfected.

It was around the hour mark that Remus began to feel there was some kind of ulterior motive
for their study session (though part of him was wondering if he was just so bored he was
making things up. He enjoyed helping other students study, but Lockhart was annoying and a
bit of a lost cause). Somehow, Lockhart seemed to be getting closer to Remus, until he
noticed that their chairs were practically touching. It was about the third time Remus felt his
foot brush across his barely exposed ankle that he decided to speak up.

“Did you really want to study today, Lo-er, Gilderoy?” he asked, putting down the book.
Lockhart blushed again, and ran his fingers through his hair in a way which reminded Remus
of James.

“Did you and Black really break up?” Lockhart blurted out.

Remus started. “Oh. Uh, yeah, we did. But we’re friends so it’s um, yeah it’s alright now.” his
words came out in a rush, not having expected that particular question.

Lockhart was scooting closer, Remus realized, and he wished he could sink back into his
chair.

“Black’s a bit of a prick anyway, I think. You deserve someone better than him—someone
nicer, funnier, more handsome.” They were far too close, and Remus didn’t miss the way
Lockhart’s eyes flicked over his body. Their lips were inches apart, and Remus could smell
Lockhart’s cologne—something flowery and strong that would surely give him a headache.
He jumped up then, ignoring the way Lockhart sat back in surprise, and grabbed his bag,
slinging it over his shoulder as he walked backwards away from their table.
 “Er, listen, it’s been…very illuminating, but I’ve really got to-to go. I have to go. Good luck
on your exam, I’d study more if I were you.” Remus said, before promptly turning on his heel
and hurrying out of the library, leaving Lockhart, put-out and frowning, behind him.

Chapter End Notes

hello! comment & kudos if u want!! i hope you enjoyed the chapter <3
 what ifs?
Chapter Notes

hi :)

EDITED: 8.20.21
hi (again)

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“ and I said to the star,

‘Consume me.’ ”

— the waves , virginia woolf

Remus, despite his initial outburst in the library, took his time meandering through the castle.
He’d looked at the clock behind Madam Pince’s desk before he’d left, and saw that exams
were still in progress, so there was no need to rush anywhere. He eventually decided on going
to the common room, where he might run into some of his other friends.

When he climbed through the portrait hole some minutes later, he found the common room
completely empty except for Mary, who was hanging trying to wrap tinsel around a massive
christmas tree in the corner, and Marlene and Hestia, who were giggling and wrapped up in
each other’s arms as they swayed about to Christmas music (coming from Lily’s record
player). Remus’s heart lurched at the sight of the two girls, and he thought of Sirius. An
anxious feeling rolled about in his stomach.

“Can you two please stop making out for three seconds and help me?” Mary exclaimed,
spinning around to glare at them, then added, softer, “oh, hello, Remus.”

“We aren’t making out, thank you very much. Besides, you had it all under control.” Marlene
shrugged, then laughed as Hestia spun her around.

“I can help you, Mary.” Remus offered with a smile, crossing over to her and taking a box of
ornaments from her arms. “Where is everyone?”

“Exams. Then we threatened all the others to leave. McGonagall is letting us decorate the
common room this year!” Marlene said.

“Well, more like we wore her down about it every day until she couldn’t be bothered to say
no anymore,” added Hestia.
“Who usually decorates it?” Remus asked, realizing he’d never really questioned the magical
appearance of decorations in their dorm every December.

“Dunno, actually. House elves probably.” Marlene shrugged, crossing over to one of the
couches and plopping down on it, pulling Hestia with her. “We thought we’d do a better job.
Alice and Lily are in on it too, ‘course.”

“Ah, we thought we heard raised voices coming from the girls dorm the other night,” said
Remus with a chuckle.

“Mm, we learned everyone has very strong opinions on how Christmas decorations should be
done…” Hestia said, grinning.

“We heard you were on a little study date with Lockhart,” Mary said, putting the finishing
touches on the tinsel. Remus had to duck out of the way as she began levitating ornaments to
put on the tree.

He frowned. “What? Who told you that?”

“James. Had to stop by to grab something before his exam.”

“Sirius seemed rather grumpy about it all,” Hestia gave him a pointed look, and Remus
rearranged the ornaments on the table to avoid it. “I was under the impression that you were
going to talk to him ?”

“Yeah, what’s up with that?” Mary asked, crossing the room to drop some garland in Hestia
and Marlene’s laps, instructing them about where she wanted it hung before turning back to
Remus. “Hest told us all about your prank—”

“And your kiss!” Marlene piped up, wrapping the garland around her neck like a scarf and
making loud kissing noises.

“Ugh, guys ,” Remus grumbled, collapsing into a nearby armchair. “We did talk, if you must
know. I—well, I told him I needed more time to think…and it’s just been like normal since
then, which is a little weird, if I’m honest.”

“Why’d you tell him that?” Mary asked, moving to sit on the arm of Remus’s chair.

“Yeah, I mean you’ve been pining for that boy since you were like fifteen years old—
everyone could see that.” Marlene said, eyes trained on her levitated garland.

Remus gnawed on his lip. Marlene was only saying what he’d been telling himself for the
past 48 hours, but couldn’t seem to get past the mental wall he’d built up—a wall of fears and
unpredictable futures and wars and what ifs?

But then he thought of that afternoon in the library, surrounded by the cloying scent of
Lockhart’s cologne and the near-kiss they almost shared. He compared the experience with
his and Sirius’ kiss from a few days ago, and sighed.
“I’ve been a bit of an idiot, haven’t I?” he said eventually. Mary laid a hand on his shoulder,
but could only open her mouth to speak before the portrait hole swung open.

“Afternoon ladies, Moony.” It was James, cheeks flushed and a Gryffindor scarf wrapped
tightly around his neck. It seemed their exam had been outside.

“It’s not even lunch yet, James.” Hestia said, bustling past, more garland in her arms.
Marlene stopped her with a hand to her shoulder and gently picked a piece of tinsel out of her
hair.

Remus smiled at James in greeting, but couldn’t ignore the way his heart had begun to pound.
Wherever James was, Sirius was.

“SIRIUS!”

There he is.

Lily stormed into the common room, hair a shocking shade of blue. James’s eyes widened,
and Remus watched as he tried to stop the smile growing on his face. “Oh…Lils…” he
cleared his throat, biting his lip.

“Nice hair,” Marlene quipped, jumping behind Hestia when Lily turned her wand on her.

Sirius climbed in next, followed by a cackling Peter. “Fun, isn’t it, Prongs? Doesn't really
match the eyes though. Maybe a few shades greener?”

“If you even point that wand at me you will regret you were ever born.”

“Ah, but Flower, I already do regret being born.”

Lily let out an irritated kind of groan, and turned on James to demand he change it back.
There was some back and forth, but after more pleading and several threats, Lily’s hair was
back to its regular fiery red, though she was still glaring daggers at Sirius.

Sirius cast his eyes around the room, looking for a way to avoid Angry Lily (it had been
unanimously decided by the Marauders when they were thirteen that Angry Lily was her
scariest variant) when his eyes came to rest upon Remus, who had since gotten up and was
helping Mary unravel reams of muggle lights to put on the tree.

“So, Moons, done making out with Lockhart already?” Sirius asked casually, strolling over to
them and picking up the end of the string of lights, turning it around in his hands to inspect
the plug curiously.

“What?!” Remus frowned at him. “How does everyone know he likes me?”

“You mean you didn’t know?” Mary asked, gently pulling the plug from Sirius’s hands so she
could take the lights over to the tree.

“Well, not until he spent a whole bloody hour brushing hands with me, touching my knee, my
arms, my shoulder. Then he tried to fucking kiss me .”
“He tried to kiss you?” James asked. “What’d you do?”

“Left him there,” Remus shrugged. “It was a nightmare trying to teach him, honestly. The
lad’s in Ravenclaw, you’d think he’d be smart .”

“Brutal.” Hestia said with a snort.

“It’s true! Lockhart probably couldn’t tell a vampire from an inferius, if it came down to it.
He told me he wants to be some kind of monster slayer . You know, vampires, werewolves,
the like.”

The other Marauders, and Lily, who had only recently learned of lycanthropy, turned to stare
at him in shock. They turned almost entirely in sync, which Remus probably would have
found funny had he not been imagining his own death at the hands of the sixteen year old boy
who had just tried to kiss him in the library.

“Werewolves?” Peter asked.

“He said that?” Sirius said, frowning.

“I bet loads of people want to kill dark creatures,” Mary said with a shrug. Sirius’s frown
deepened but refrained from commenting after Remus just barely shook his head in warning.
“Dunno what kind of job that is, though.”

“Probably not a very lucrative one,” said Remus, lightly.

“It’s a terrible job!” Lily burst out.

“Yes, well, it is what it is. Not sure he’d be able to be a monster hunter anyway, with the
brain he’s got.” Remus cleared his throat. “Anyway, are we still going ice skating
tomorrow?”

It was an admittedly awful subject change, but James quickly jumped to his rescue. Sirius
was still frowning at him, and Remus was avoiding his eyes. “Of course! Wormy was
thinking we could have a snowball fight too—it’s supposed to snow again tonight.”

“Oh, yeah, brilliant.” He looked up and finally met Sirius’s gaze. “You alright there, Pads?”

“Can I talk to you?”

“Alone?”

Sirius glanced around—Hestia was sprawled out on the couch, flipping through radio
channels with lazy flicks of her wand. Marlene and Mary were arguing about whether or not
they should charm the room to make it so it was constantly snowing ( “It’ll be a mess!”, “It’s
bloody festive, Mary!” ). James wasn’t really paying them much attention, flicking through
the records. Peter and Lily were busy pouring over the plans for the upcoming Marauder
Christmas Party.
“Yeah.” Sirius, much to Remus’s surprise, grabbed his hand and pulled him across the room,
into some small alcove where they were hidden from view of the others.

“What’s all this about?” Remus asked, tentatively taking his hand out of Sirius’.

“Did Lockhart really say those things? The killing werewolves and all that?” Remus sat
down, and Sirius followed. They sat side by side, legs stretched out before them.

“He did. Honestly, Sirius, people say shit like that all the time. It isn’t a big deal.”

“But it is! No one should…he can’t just say something like that. To you or…or to anyone,
really.”

“Well, he didn’t know he was trying to snog a werewolf, did he?” When Sirius made a noise
like he wanted to protest, Remus raised a hand. “Really, Pads, I don’t care. The whole thing,
the flirting bit and the almost-kiss, made me realize something. About you. Well, actually it
was about me I guess but…”

Remus glanced over at Sirius, who was watching him—eyebrows raised, expression hopeful.
Remus let his hand fall off his lap and land next to Sirius’s. He inched his hand to the left
until their fingers were tangled together again.

“Oh, Sirius, I don’t know what the bloody hell I was thinking when I said…I mean, it is
terrifying and maybe it’s stupid and maybe I don’t deserve it but I just…I want…” Remus,
unable to find any more words, shifted so he was facing Sirius more fully, and kissed him.
Sirius kissed back, and Remus felt it was the first time he’d been able to breathe since
Sunday.

“Oh, Moony,” Sirius pulled away. “Only you could be so eloquent.”

“Shut up,” Remus swatted his chest half-heartedly.

“I’m expecting love poems, I hope you know. Perhaps songs as well. Definitely love letters.”
Sirius said, hands still grasping at Remus’s robes. Remus rolled his eyes. “And of course you
deserve it. You deserve everything , Moonbeam.”

“Thank you,” Remus breathed, eyes still locked with Sirius’. It felt good to hear him say it, to
know he meant it.

Sirius grinned. “Will you go to Hogsmeade with me? On Saturday?”

“Were we not already going together? You know, as best best friends?” Remus asked. Sirius
pulled him back to kiss him again.

“You’re so annoying.”

“Well, I learned from the best.”

Sirius swatted playfully at his arm. “ So , Hogsmeade?”

 “Of course.” Remus reached out and pushed a lock of hair behind Sirius’s ear. “What are we
going to tell the others?”

They weren’t far away, only separated from them by a wall and the loud Christmas music
coming from the record player. Sirius bit his lip. “Can we tell them nothing? For now. It’s not
that they wouldn’t be supportive, Merlin knows James and Peter would probably kill for us to
get together at this point, but it’s just…I’d like to keep you to myself for now.”

“Yeah, I feel the same. Until we work everything out. Then everyone gets to know.” Remus
said, smiling at Sirius and interlacing their fingers again.

“Absolutely everyone. I reckon we can write a little announcement in the Prophet. ‘Remus
Lupin and Sirius Black dating—our sources say they intend to stay together forever and ever
and ever and ever…’ ”

Remus was kissing him again, and Sirius wished they could stay just the way they were for
eternity.

Chapter End Notes

i hope you liked this chapter ! comment and kudos if u want <3
 carrots
Chapter Notes

good evening :)

EDITED: 8.21.21
minimal edits in this chapter again! I changed the quote at the start. I also did add one
scene but it literally adds almost nothing to the plot except for more kissing lmao

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“I don’t know no love songs

I can’t sing the blues anymore

Oh, but I can sing this song

You can sing this song when I’m gone.

It won’t be long before another day

We gonna have a good one

And no one’s gonna take that time away

You can stay as long as you like.”

—“you can close your eyes,” james taylor

thursday, december 19, 1977

Remus was woken Thursday morning to the gentle, unmistakable tickle of whiskers on his
cheek. He groaned, burying his face in his pillow. “ Pads, please don’t lick me.” He
grumbled, voice muffled.

Remus braced himself for an inevitable attack from Padfoot, but slowly grew suspicious
when it never came. He cracked open one bleary eye, and nearly tumbled backwards off the
bed when he found himself face to face with a cat—a very angry looking ginger one that he
realized was Carrots, Lily’s cat.

“Carrots?” He whispered, then realized he sounded rather stupid. The cat wasn’t going to
respond to him.
“Ah, I see Carrots has found you.” That was Sirius, walking out of the bathroom with a grin
on his face. He’d just gotten out of the shower, and was wearing only his silky pajama
bottoms slung low on his hips.

Remus frowned. “Are you wearing your pajamas again?”

Sirius looked down, then back up at Remus. “Yes?”

“You got out of bed this morning, in your pajamas, took a shower, then immediately put back
on those same pajamas?”

“Merlin, Moony, it’s Christmas break . I just had to endure nearly a whole week of exams—I
think I can wear my pajamas whenever I want.” Sirius grinned at him, then dried his hair
with the towel around his neck (leaving it sticking up in all directions in a rather James-like
way) before throwing on a shirt and plopping himself down at the end of Remus’s bed.

Carrots immediately went to him, nuzzling at his knee before crawling into his lap and
curling into a ball (Remus thought Sirius looked incredibly adorable, freshly showered with
Carrots in his lap, though he wasn’t sure he had the bravery to say it aloud).

“Youlookcute,” Remus gushed, immediately regretting it when Sirius raised an eyebrow at

him, cocky grin in place.

“What was that?”

Remus flushed an even deeper pink. “You—you look cute.”

“Aw, thanks Moonbeam.” He leant forward to gently tug at one of Remus’ curls. “So do you
—with all your bedhead.”

Still blushing profusely, Remus ran a hand through his messy hair. “Where are the others?”
He asked, looking around at the other empty beds. “Is it late? Did I sleep in?”

“It’s only nine. You know Frank— always up early even on break,”—Sirius made a face at
this, as if getting up early on break was one of the worst things a person could do—“And
James dragged Peter off on one of his Quidditch practices. Poor Pete, you know how James is
about Quidditch.”

“Why didn’t you go with them?” Remus knew how much Sirius enjoyed practicing with
James, even if he complained about his occasionally fanatical tactics.

“Thought I’d rather stay here with you.” Sirius said with a casual shrug. “You look cute in the
morning—cuddable.”

“Cuddable?” Remus asked, eyebrows raised. Sirius flushed, and Remus took his socked foot
out from under the blankets to nudge at Sirius’s knee. “Come on then; cuddle me if you
must.”

“If I must ,” Sirius snorted, dropping Carrots unceremoniously from his lap to crawl up the
bed and slip under the covers with Remus. Carrots, letting out a loud meow of irritation,
settled herself in the spot he once occupied and turned her yellow-eyed glare up at the boys.
“You sound quite enthusiastic.”

“Oh, so sorry,” Remus cleared his throat dramatically, his hand stilling at the base of Sirius’s
neck, fingers caught up in the damp curls there. “Dearest Padfoot, I’ve been thinking about
you for the past twelve hours and I’m afraid that if you don’t get into bed with me right now I
might just die as a result of my thus touched-starved teenage years.”

“Better.” Sirius murmured into his neck. Remus could feel his breath on his collarbones
where his shirt had been pulled down.

Remus went back to playing with the hair at the nape of Sirius’s neck. “Really though, Pads,
thanks for staying this morning. I know you like practicing with Prongs.”

Sirius shrugged against him. “I wanted to, and I don’t have a broom anymore since the
accident. Besides, thought it’d work as a nice apology for not ice skating with you later
today.”

Remus snorted. “You are ice skating with me today.”

“You know I can’t skate!”

“Well, you will today. Don’t worry, love, I’ll teach you.”

“Oh! You can’t do that.”

“Do what?” Remus asked innocently. Sirius turned his head to pout up at him.

“You called me love so I would say yes.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Yes you did!”

“Did it work?”

Sirius’s scowl deepened. “Yes,” he grumbled.

Remus bent down to kiss the tip of his nose. “Tidy. I won’t let you fall, I promise.”

“You better not.”

Sirius was beginning to think that this was the best day of his life—and it wasn’t even ten in
the morning yet.

Even as he held Remus in his arms, one hand cupping his jaw as he kissed him soundly, the
other hand holding himself up above Remus, he could hardly believe it was real. That Remus
was his real, actual boyfriend—that he could kiss him like this every day of their lives, if
he’d let him.

“Mm, Sirius?”

“Yeah?” Sirius moved from Remus’ lips to his neck, kissing down to his collarbone.

“James and Pete…”

“Two people you definitely shouldn’t be thinking about right now,” he murmured, feeling
Remus shiver beneath him as his breaths hit his exposed skin.

“They’ll be back soon,” Remus said breathlessly, grabbing at Sirius’ shirt to pull him back
up. When Sirius did meet his eyes, Remus was smiling gently at him, lips pink and hair
splayed out on the white pillow beneath him. “And I’m hungry.”

Sirius snorted, pulling himself up above Remus with a forearm resting on either side of his
body. “You’re going to stop kissing me to eat?”

“Unless you’d rather I die of hunger?” Remus asked, expression now sober as he raised an
eyebrow in Sirius’ direction.

“And you say I’m dramatic.” Sirius chuckled. “I guess I’ll allow it, as long as you kiss me
lots later. You know, to make up for all the lost time.”

“I suppose I can do that,” Remus said slowly, as though thinking it over. Then he grinned
cheekily and leaned up to give Sirius one last kiss. After wiggling his way out from
underneath Sirius, Remus padded over to the mirror. “I’ve also got to shower, or at least
brush my hair. I look like an absolute wreck.”

“Oh, but you look gorgeous, darling!” Sirius called from behind him.

“ He’s lying to you, dear, ” the mirror said, in a rather unkind tone. “ It looks like you’ve got a
whole family of birds living in there. ”

Despite Remus’ own reluctance to leave his bed (his bed that currently had Sirius Black
curled up under the covers), he knew James and Peter would be returning. He was right, of
course, because as soon as he stepped out of the bathroom wearing his sweater of choice for
the day, he could hear James and Peter climbing the stairs.

When Remus went to his bed to get his bag, Sirius poked his shoulder. “Cute sweater.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Thought you hated this sweater.”

“I was just messing with you. You’re the only person I know who can wear Slytherin green
and still look adorable.”

Remus smiled, and ducked his head to hide his blush. “You’re such a flirt.”
“‘S practically my middle name.”

“I thought your middle name was Orion?” James asked, flinging open the door and striding
past them, hair damp and curling. Peter trailed behind him, looking rather exhausted.

“Oi! You’re one to talk, Fleamont .”

***

They were halfway through breakfast when Remus decided there was definitely something
wrong with Lily.

They’d taken Carrots to her earlier, and she’d seemed all right then, if not a little vacant, but
now Remus was watching Mary and Marlene sitting on either side of her whispering quietly,
and Remus knew there was something more going on.

Lily looked on the verge of tears, and Remus was not the only one who noticed.

“All right, love?” James asked her. He had to peek around Mary to speak to her, as she’d
plopped herself between James and Lily at breakfast that morning and wouldn’t move.

Lily nodded.

“Are you sure?” Remus asked cautiously.

Lily pulled out a neatly folded letter from her pocket, and looked down at it as she chewed
her lip. “It’s my dad,” she said eventually, voice quiet. “He’s been ill, you know, but he’s—
well, ‘Tunia says he’s not going to make it…” she sniffled, and placed the letter on the table.

Remus pulled it towards him, and unfolded it to read the careful ballpoint pen script. Sirius
and Peter both scooted closer so they could read over Remus's shoulders.

“ Don’t bother coming back …” Remus read aloud, an eyebrow raised. “ Are you going to go
back?”

Lily burst into tears then, and Remus’s eyes widened in alarm. James sent him a glare from
across the table. “Sorry! Sorry, Lily, I didn’t mean to upset you…”

“No, no, it’s okay,” she sniffled again, and wiped a few tears from off her cheek. “I just…
don’t know what to do. I know Petunia doesn’t want me there, but I want to see my dad...”

“I’m sure he wants to see you,” James said gently, reaching over Mary to place his hand over
Lily’s.

They all watched as Lily chewed her lip in an anxious silence, staring down at her and James’
hands. “Would you come with me?” she asked eventually, voice quiet.
Suddenly feeling very much like they were intruding on a private moment, the other three
Marauders pretended to look busy.

Mary cleared her throat, and stood up from the table, leaving her space open for James to
occupy. “Right, well, I’m going to grab my skates. Coming, ladies?” She asked, giving
Marlene, Hestia, and Alice pointed looks. They all nodded and grabbed their things.

“We’ll come too. I need to find some skates for Sirius.” Remus said.

Sirius groaned. “Merlin, I forgot .”

“Oho, you finally got Sirius to agree to come skating with us then?” Marlene asked, grinning
as the boys joined them as they left the Great Hall, leaving James and Lily quietly whispering
on the bench.

“Very, very reluctantly.” Sirius grumbled with a sigh.

***

“So, did you talk to Lily?” Sirius asked James later that morning. They were both standing on
the edge of the lake, watching their friends. Lily had pulled Remus away when they’d
arrived, but he’d promised to come back for Sirius later. He could see them on the other side
of the lake, a little ways behind Hestia and Marlene, hand in hand and deep in conversation.

“Yeah. We’re going to talk to McGonagall later, see if we can leave today or tomorrow.”
James scuffed the toe of his skate on the snowy ground. “I’ve never met her parents.” He
added quietly.

“You see them twice a year at Kings Cross,” Sirius pointed out.

“But I’ve never really met them. I’ve never been to her house and stayed there. What if they
don’t like me? What if I can’t do enough for Lily? I mean, her dad is dying , Pads.”

“They’re both going to love you. Everyone loves you, idiot. And don’t worry about Lily. Just
be there for her, like you always are. She chose you, over everyone. Because she loves you. I
mean, she could have chosen Remus—he’s better in a crisis than the rest of us, but she
didn’t.” Sirius said, shrugging.

James glanced over at Sirius, then pulled him into a tight hug. Sirius squealed as he lost
balance and almost made them fall over. “I love you,” James muttered into his hair.

Sirius grinned and pulled back, still holding onto his shoulders for balance. “I love you too,
Prongs.”

“Speaking of love and Remus—why did he call you a flirt this morning?”
“You heard that? He was just… joking around. It’s just a little joke between us.” Sirius tried
to shrug nonchalantly, but James only snorted.

“Yeah, alright.” He sounded unconvinced, but didn’t push the matter.

“Ready?” It was Remus, skating over to them, making it look bloody easy . He stopped in
front of Sirius and held out his hands. Sirius looked down at them and then over at James
apprehensively.

James merely grinned, and stepped onto the ice, grabbing Lily’s hand. “Have fun, Pads.”

“Oh, fine .” Sirius sighed and grabbed Remus’s hands, taking his first tentative steps onto the
ice. (Secretly he was quite excited to have a reason to hold Remus’ hands in front of all their
friends).

As they started slowly around the lake, Sirius decided that ice skating wasn’t as hard as he
had first thought, though that may have been because Remus was doing most of the work
keeping him upright. They started with a few slow loops around the lake.

“You know, ice skating seems like the kind of thing a young, pureblood heir would be quite
good at.” Remus commented. His eyes flickered over to Sirius and the other boy shot him a
grin.

“That is, in fact, precisely why I’m not good at it.” Sirius said, swinging their hands between
them. Remus snorted and rolled his eyes. “My parents tried to teach me, but I mostly just
refused. Regulus was better than me at it, but then again he was better than me at most
things…”

Remus squeezed his hand. “That’s not true. He was just better at playing along.”

Sirius sighed, feeling a pang in his chest as he thought of his brother. “Yeah. I ‘spose.”

They skated in silence for a few minutes. Sirius stole a few glances over at Remus. He had a
Gryffindor scarf wrapped tightly around his neck, and a matching red beanie on his head.
Sirius could see his puffs of breath in the air, and the pink dusting on his cheeks and nose
from the cold.

Remus caught him staring, and smiled, red flush on his cheeks deepening. “Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” Sirius breathed. “I wish I could kiss you.”

“Right now?”

“Mhm.”

Remus looked around, then sped up, pulling Sirius behind him. They rounded a corner and
Remus stopped them behind a big tree that blocked them from view of the others.

“Merlin, Moons,” Sirius gasped, coming to a stop and clutching his chest. “You scared the
shit out of me. That was too—” Remus cut him off with a kiss, gloved hands coming to rest
behind his neck.

“Can’t believe I can do this whenever now,” Remus murmured, pulling back just barely.

“Yeah,” Sirius whispered, all complaints leaving his head, lips chasing Remus’ as he pulled
away.

Smiling as Remus began kissing him fully again, he draped his arms around Remus’s waist.
They were fine until Sirius tried to pull himself closer to Remus. The sudden movement
startled him, and Sirius heard his quiet squeak before Remus lost his balance and took them
both to the icy ground, landing with a thump.

Remus immediately started laughing, and Sirius glared at him reproachfully, gently pushing
at his shoulder. “Moony! You said you wouldn’t let me fall.” He crossed his arms, almost
pouting.

“Sorry, Pads.” Remus, still grinning, leaned over to kiss him, and Sirius couldn’t help but
smile into it.

***

Mum,

(I’m so sorry this is a few days late, I’ve been busy with exams and things.)

Artemis seems glad to be back, and I did feed her a few extra sausages like you said. I’m glad
you indulge her snacking habits—I always do (I wonder where she learned those habits
from…)

The moon was alright—they’re always better when my friends are around. It’s been a few
days now so I’m practically back to normal. I’m sorry you’ve been sleeping badly. I’m
always okay, you needn’t worry about me.

I’m glad to be staying at Hogwarts with my friends this year, as it’s our last year and all,
though I do already miss you. This morning my friend Lily got news that her dad is going to
die soon. She and James are going to go see him tomorrow I think, but it all just made me
think of you. I suppose it just made me miss you more than usual.

I’ll definitely come home for the Easter holidays—we can have a belated birthday
celebration. The two of us can bake my favorite chocolate cake together.

I hope you have a good Christmas, mum. I love you.

Remus
 (p.s. Thanks for sending the package. It’s Sirius’s Christmas present.)

Chapter End Notes

I hope you liked this chapter! comment and kudos if you would like as per usual <3
(also ! thanks for 4000 hits! that's pretty wild.)
 the brightest star in the sky
Chapter Notes

happy valentines day :) I started writing this chapter today bc I was annoyed at one of
my book chapters I'm trying to rewrite right now. I usually write these chapters slowly
over a few days but this one probably took me like three hours total (subtracting the
break I took to have some soup lol). So, enjoy this irritation and tomato soup fueled
chapter. (also it's valentines day, so there's lots of fluff ofc)

EDITED: 8.27.21
going to hopefully finish this whole fic up by the end of august!!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“ Of all the stars,

the fairest. ”

— sappho

saturday, december 20, 1977

“I miss James.” Peter said, standing in front of the mirror and adjusting his scarf.

“ I can’t imagine he misses you. You look terrible in orange, by the way. ” The mirror said
bluntly. Peter looked down at his orange scarf with a frown. Sirius snorted from behind him,
where he was lacing up his black Doc Martens.

“This mirror has been awful to me all bloody year. I mean, it isn’t all that nice at the best of
times, but this is getting ridiculous!” Peter exclaimed, giving it a dirty look. The mirror had
nothing to say to this. With a great sigh, he walked back over to his bed, where he picked up
a black scarf and exchanged it for his orange one. “You know, I caught it telling James how
lovely his hair looked the other day. It looked a fucking mess!”

“Clearly the mirror has favorites, Pete.” Sirius said smoothly, shrugging.

“It’s a mirror . It shouldn’t talk at all, honestly.”

“Sirius charmed it earlier this year to compliment James but say mean things to you.” Remus
said, walking out of the bathroom. He was wearing a jumper he’d stolen from Sirius earlier
that morning, and his hair was still damp from his shower—sticking up in spots where he’d
tried to scrub it dry with his towel.
“Moony!” Sirius groaned, flopping backwards on his bed, feet still planted on the floor. “I
thought I’d sworn you to secrecy!”

“You’re kidding .” Peter said, glaring at Sirius from across the room.

Sirius sat up and shrugged. “I didn’t tell it what to say. It didn’t have to go so hard on your
scarf—I thought you looked absolutely glowing in the orange.”

“Oh, you are such a prat, Padfoot.” Peter practically growled, throwing his pillow at Sirius’s
head. This, of course, created a pillow fight between the two of them. Remus tried to dodge
the pillows as he got ready for the day, but he did get one good shot at Sirius’ head when he
turned the other way.

The three boys emerged from their dorm some minutes later out of breath and grinning, their
feud forgiven and forgotten (although Peter did choose to go with the black scarf in the end,
over the orange one). They had their jackets and hats and mittens in hand, and were going to
stop for a quick breakfast in the Great Hall before heading out to Hogsmeade with the rest of
the school.

The school buzzed with excitement, and there was laughter and chatter emanating from every
corner of the Great Hall. It seemed to be an unspoken thing that while, of course, the day out
was a break from school, it was also a break from the war and the tragedies that seemed to be
taking over their lives, slipping into the secure bubble Hogwarts provided the,. Despite
several students receiving the paper that morning, Remus noticed not a single one had opened
it. His own paper lay folded, unopened, beneath a plate of bacon.

“I miss Lily.” Mary said glumly.

“They’ll be back,” Remus said, pouring himself some tea.

“James said they’d write when they got there and keep us updated.” Sirius said. He stole
Remus’s tea as soon as he set the teapot back down, earning him an eye-roll.

“It’s terribly sad,” Marlene said.

“Yeah.” Remus frowned, and a silence fell over their end of the table, in harsh contrast with
the high spirits of everyone else in the hall. When he thought too hard about it—Lily at home
with her dad who was going to be gone by the time they saw her again—it made him feel that
deep anxiety that one can feel all the way up in the beating of their heart and down in the pit
of their stomach.

It made him think of…of…well, he wasn’t even sure he could think it without feeling
nauseous. He took a steadying sip of tea and leant into Sirius. Without even looking at him,
Sirius slipped his hand into Remus’ under the table.

“They wouldn’t want us to be sad though, James and Lily.” Peter said. “They’d want us to
enjoy our weekend.”
“Very wise of you, Worm.” Sirius said. “Speaking of enjoying the weekend, are you taking
Caroline out on a date today?”

Peter gave him an exasperated look. “Yes, Pads, she is my girlfriend y’know. I know this is a
rather foreign concept to you, but sometimes people take their girlfriends out on dates.”

“Excuse me, I took my girlfriend out on dates all the time!” Sirius exclaimed. “Come on,
Marls, back me up here!”

Marlene snorted. “You took me on a date once to The Hog’s Head, which is just terribly
romantic to begin with, but then you left halfway through because you had promised to meet
Remus at Honeydukes.”

“Right. Well, I’m sure there were other dates, at some point. I mean, I can’t particularly think
of any now but…well,” Sirius cleared his throat. “But this isn’t about me. Peter darling , do
tell, will you be taking the elusive Caroline to Madam Puddifoots? Or perhaps the Hog's
Head, for a more romantic location, as Marls graciously pointed out.”

“You’re making it really difficult to like you today, did you know that?” Peter asked in an
overly fake, high-pitched voice. He dropped back down to his normal octave. “But no, I’m
not. I, er, actually haven’t really planned it out. I’m hoping we just…naturally figure it out?”

Mary snorted and reached across the table to pat Peter’s hand. “Good luck with that, love.”

Remus nudged Sirius’s knee with his own under the table, and smiled when Sirius turned to
look at him and squeezed his hand.

“Yes, Moonbeam?”

Remus huffed. “You’re not really going to call me that, are you?”

“You love it.”

“Debatable. Have you planned our date yet?” he dropped his voice to a whisper and leaned
closer to Sirius, so they wouldn’t be overheard. It was intoxicating, being so close to him, and
Remus leaned back before he impulsively kissed him in front of all their friends.

“That I have, Rem. And I can promise it is neither Puddifoots or the Hogs Head.” He seemed
nervous then, and whispered, “I hope you’ll like it.”

“Of course I’ll like it, Pads. I’d like anything as long as you’re there.”

“You’re such a sap, Lupin.” Sirius grinned, bumping his shoulder into Remus’s. “It’s very
cute.”

Remus ducked his head to hide his blush. “You’re a nightmare.”

***
They’d finished their breakfast quickly, and hardly had time to say goodbye to Peter before
he hurried off to find Caroline at the Slytherin table. Mary was tagging along with Marlene
and Hestia for the day, and so it wasn’t hard for Remus and Sirius to peel away from the
group and head off down the snowy streets alone.

They enjoyed the walk down to the village, laughing and talking and standing as close as
they thought they could get away with, the backs of their hands brushing every so often.

“You know, I’m starting to wonder if Caroline is even real.” Sirius mused, as they entered the
village and walked down the picturesque main street.

Remus snorted. “She is. I’ve met her.”

“Really? And I haven’t?”

“Don’t worry Pads, you’ll meet her eventually,” Remus laughed and let his hand pass by
Sirius’s again, lingering long enough to hook two of their fingers together. “Now, do I get to
know where we’re going? Or are we going to talk about Pete’s girlfriend for the rest of the
day?”

“Well, as much as I just love Wormtail and his romantic endeavors.” Sirius grabbed his hand
fully and pulled him across the street to stop in front of Honeydukes. “Here’s our first stop.”

“First stop?”

Sirius grabbed Remus’ hand fully to drag him into the store. Immediately Remus was
surrounded by that familiar smell of chocolate and sugar and warmth. “ Please , Moony.
Have a little more faith in my date-planning abilities.”

Remus grinned at him, tongue barely poking out from between his teeth. “I dunno, Pads, All
I’ve got to go off of is your epically-romantic Hog’s Head rendezvous with Marlene.”

“I’ve matured loads since then!”

“It was only two years ago.”

“ Yeah , I’m a different man now, my darling Moonbeam. Very sweet and romantic and
thoughtful and going to buy you loads of chocolate. Now, do you want a hot chocolate? I
think I’m going to get us hot chocolates…”

Nearly twenty minutes later, the two left Honeydukes laden with a myriad of chocolates and
candies, paid for entirely by Sirius (much to Remus’s chagrin). As soon as they were back in
the cold, busy main street, Sirius grabbed Remus’s hand again.

“I am going to pay you back.” Remus said stubbornly, clutching his hot chocolate in his other
hand.
“You are not.”

“That was a lot of money! We can split it, at least.”

“Don’t worry about it, love. You can pay me in kisses, if you absolutely must.” Sirius grinned
up at him and Remus chuckled.

“Are you using my own methods against me, love ?”

“Perhaps. Is it working?”

“You’re so ridiculous.” Remus huffed, though his wide grin considerably softened his words.

Sirius pressed closer to him and gave him a quick kiss on his jaw before stepping away again,
just as quickly, with a matching smile on his face. He dropped Remus’s hand and bounded
away, before turning back, still grinning. “Race?”

“ Race ? Sirius, I don’t even know where we’re going and I’m not running .” Remus
grimaced at the thought. “Is this part of the date?”

“Nah, just thought it would be fun.”

“It’s definitely not fun. Sirius, no, Christ .” Remus muttered as Sirius took off and he had no
choice but to follow.

When he finally caught up, Remus found that he and Sirius were in the small clearing that
looked out over the snowy hills, and, not far away, the Shrieking Shack. They were alone,
and Sirius had procured a blanket from somewhere. He was lying casually on it, propped up
on his elbows, surrounded by all their sweets, sipping on his hot chocolate. Remus was
breathing heavily, clutching his own drink in one hand and a stitch in his side with the other.

“I…hate…you,” Remus gasped, collapsing down next to Sirius on the blanket. He took a sip
of his hot chocolate to soothe his throat, which was burning from the cold air, and felt his
breathing slowly return to normal. “Where’d this blanket come from?”

“I shrunk it last night and put it in my pocket.” Sirius pulled the cup out of his hand gently,
then replaced it with his own hand before leaning in and kissing him, warm fingers of his
other hand trailing gently over the skin just under Remus’s scarf. “Still hate me?”

Remus pulled him closer, slipping his hands under Sirius’s jacket to wrap around his waist.
“Less. But please never make me run again.”

“Deal.”

They continued like that for a while, relishing in a privacy they almost never had. Sirius
thought it was almost too soon when Remus pressed one last lingering kiss to the corner of
his mouth and curled closer into his side, resting his head on his chest. Sirius was definitely
not opposed to a cuddle, though.
“You know, Rem, I was studying for our Astronomy exam the other night and I had a thought
—”

“That must have been painful.” Sirius snorted then moved his hand from Remus’ hair to his
side, digging his fingers into the skin there and causing Remus to squeal loudly. Remus
squirmed away from him, batting at his hand. “ Sirius! You know I’m ticklish, you absolute
prat.”

“Oops.” Sirius grinned down at Remus, which only made him frown deeper.

“ Oops? ”

Sirius tried to deploy his biggest and most effective puppy-dog eyes. “Come back and
cuddle? It’s cold out here.”

Remus crossed his arms petulantly. “Should have thought of that.”

“Please?” Sirius looked down and could tell that Remus was trying hard not to smile.
“Pleasepleasepleaseplease—”

“Fucking hell, alright .” Remus huffed and rolled back over, throwing his arm across Sirius
again and resting his chin on his chest. “No more tickles.”

“No more tickles,” Sirius confirmed, leaning his head down to press a kiss to Remus’ nose. “
Now , as I was saying. I had a very painless thought the other day when I was studying for
Astronomy.”

“Mhm?”

“Well, Sirius is a star, you know,”

“—The brightest star in the sky—” Remus interrupted, smiling up at him.

Sirius smiled back. “Right. And you’re Moony . And, well, we’re a bit like the moon and the
stars aren’t we?”

“And you say I’m the sap.” Remus chuckled, but then pushed himself up so he could kiss
Sirius again. When they pulled apart, Remus grinned. “Why were you studying your own
star? It’s not exactly the hardest thing to spot.”

“I’d had a long day! I thought if I studied something I knew then at least I’d feel like I’d
learned something.”

Remus was still grinning cheekily at him. “Sure. And then what, you ended up daydreaming
about me?”

“Oi! I’m trying to be romantic here!”

“Sorry, Pads. It was very sweet.” Remus reached for Sirius’ hand. “It changes the moon a bit,
you know? I mean, it’s always been a scary thing for me, that panic of a full moon night. But
since you and James and Pete have been in my life it hasn’t been so scary. It’s awful, of
course, but I know I’ve at least got you three to help me. You’ve really changed my life. My
little star— fy seren fach .”

Sirius gaped down at him, unsure of what to say. “Wow, Moons. You really out-romanced me
there.”

“It’s not a bloody contest.” Remus chuckled fondly.

“I know.” Sirius leant down to kiss him again. “All I’ve ever wanted is to make your moons
better. I never want you to suffer more than you absolutely must. Now, I thought you told me
you didn’t pay attention to your Welsh lessons?”

“Yeah, well I know some things. I’m not completely incompetant.” Remus rolled his eyes.
“Can you pass me a chocolate bar?”

Sirius snorted and sat up, dislodging Remus from his spot on his chest. He ended up with his
head on Sirius’s lap instead, as Sirius sorted through a small stack of chocolates next to him.

“Of course, ma lune . Which one?” He asked, as he sorted through them. “Oo, let’s try this
one!”

Remus made a face and rolled off of Sirius’s lap, sitting up so they faced each other, their
knees pressed together. “The Christmas one?”

“It’s seasonally appropriate!”

“It looks scary .” Remus gingerly pulled the vibrantly packaged chocolate bar out of Sirius’s
hands and peeled back the wrapper. He looked back up at Sirius and raised an eyebrow. “You
want to eat this?”

It seemed to only be chocolate in name, as it was bright red and neon green in color, the two
swirling and creating an awful pattern that hurt to look at. “Yes? You don’t?” Sirius asked,
before leaning forward and taking a bite out of the chocolate in Remus’s hand.

“Sirius!”

“Oh.” Sirius sat back and furrowed his brows as he chewed. “Well, it’s different.”

Remus choked, clearly having taken a bite as well. “ Sirius . It tastes like a tree .”

“A Christmas tree. Seasonally appropriate.” Sirius held out a normal bar of dark chocolate.
“Here.”

“Thanks, babe. Want this monstrosity?” Remus tossed the chocolate at Sirius.

“Babe?” Sirius repeated, cheeks flushed.

“Oh,” Remus blushed as well, “Sorry. I-I didn’t mean to. Is that weird?”
 “No, no. I…I um,”

There was a rustling noise coming from behind them, and they turned to see Peter rushing
towards them, huffing with a letter clutched in his hands. A girl with shoulder length black
hair was following him, though she looked rather put-out (probably for having her date
interrupted).

“Guys, guys, I got a letter!” Peter said, finally reaching their spot and collapsing down on the
blanket. The girl—Caroline, Remus recognized—perched herself on a nearby rock. “It’s from
James.”

Chapter End Notes

hope you enjoyed ! comment and kudos if you desire !

 every moon
Chapter Notes

hello! this chapter gets kinda heavy with parent and death stuff, so heads up for that. It
is, however, essentially 1.5k words of hurt/comfort lmao so there's that.

EDITED: 8.28.21
all the warnings still apply:) also I changed the quote lol but that was the biggest thing I
did

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“ But I'm a fire, and I'll keep your brittle heart warm

If your cascade ocean wave blues come

All these people think love's for show

But I would die for you in secret

The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me

Would it be enough if I could never give you peace? ”

—“peace,” taylor swift

The afternoon came and went; the easy, happy energy of the morning gone and replaced with
a melancholy quiet. As evening fell, cold and bright blue outside the large windows in the
common room, the Gryffindor seventh years sat around the fire in silence. Sirius had the
letter from James clutched in his hands and had just broken the news to them.

“When will they come back?” Marlene asked quietly. She was sitting in one of the big
armchairs, Hestia in her lap, her arms wrapped around her waist and her cheek pressed up
against her shoulder. Remus felt envy curl in his stomach every time he looked at them, and
so had settled for staring down at his crossed arms. It felt wrong to get upset over something
like that considering the circumstances, and so the envy was always followed by pangs of
guilt. He and Sirius were sharing the couch—he sitting on it horizontally, legs bent so only
the tips of his socked toes touched Sirius’s, who was curled up opposite him, the letter now
folded and placed on the side table. Remus could see he was now absentmindedly picking at
the skin around his nails.
“James didn’t say. Probably in the next few days.” Peter said, fiddling with a loose string on
his sleeve.

“I can’t believe Lily’s dad passed,” Mary said with a sigh. “He wasn’t really that old at all—
we’re not that old. We’re only seventeen; sometimes I feel like…like death is following us
around…if that doesn’t sound stupid. ”

“I don’t think it’s stupid,” Hestia said quietly, fingers lightly tracing over Marlene’s. “S’pose
we need to get used to it—death, that is. With the war and all.”

Remus had had enough, and with a pounding heart he stood up suddenly, swallowing hard
when everyone turned to look at him in surprise. “Er, sorry. Just I—I think I’m off to bed for
the night. Think I might write to Lily,” he murmured, before turning and hurrying up the
stairs. Part of him desperately wanted Sirius to follow him, while the other part wanted only
to be alone.

As soon as he snapped the door of the dormitory behind him, Remus took a deep breath. The
room was cool and quiet, and he felt he could practically hear the sound of his heart over the
deafening silence and the gentle tick of the small clock on Peter’s bedside table. It was
soothing, but as soon as he was given a moment to think a wave of sadness hit him, and he
sat down hard on his bed.

He sat there a moment, feeling every emotion run through his body like electricity—like the
waves on the shore of his mother’s favorite beach by their house. She’d grown up in the next
town over, and would take Remus in the summer to visit all her favorite spots from her youth.
The two of them take the old car and look for sea glass on the shore and get ice cream on
their way home (Remus always got chocolate, of course, and his mother always got
strawberry). Remus remembered when he was younger and scared of the sea—ankle deep in
the ocean and his mother grasping his hand, trying to coax him out deeper.

Feeling tears pricking at his eyes, Remus shook his head and stood up, deciding to get ready
for bed and write to Lily in the morning. Mechanically, he pulled on his pajamas and brushed
his teeth, avoiding his reflection in the bathroom mirror. Walking out of the bathroom, he
eyed his carefully made bed, but ended up padding over to Sirius’s instead, pulling back the
duvet and climbing in, taking an unsteady breath.

He’d only just let his eyes slip close when the door opened with a quiet creak. Remus ignored
it, pulling the blankets up closer to his chin.

“ Chéri ?” It was Sirius, poking his head around the door of their dorm. “Are you alright?”

Remus sighed, and opened his eyes. He lolled his head to the side so he could see Sirius, lit
from the back and cast in shadow (he looked like something out of a painting, or maybe an
angel with the way the light from the stairway lit up the stray hairs around his head). (Remus
decided to keep that thought to himself).

“Come here?” Remus asked, breaking the silence. Sirius snapped the door shut and shrugged
off his jacket, kicking off his jeans and pulling on some pajama pants on the way (Remus
thought they might have been James’). He was still in his thick sweater, and pulled it off to
reveal a plain white shirt. He threw the sweater behind him at random before he crawled into
bed next to Remus.

Remus spared him a tiny smile, and glanced around at the clothes now littering the floor.
“Are you going to pick those up?”

“Nah. They landed mostly on James’ bit of the dorm. S’just payback for all the stuff he
leaves in my room at home.” Sirius settled down into the pillows and pulled Remus to him.
At the mention of James, Remus sighed. “Is this about Lily? And her dad?” Sirius asked
quietly after a moment.

“Yes.” Remus paused. “No.”

Sirius was quiet and waited for Remus to continue. As soon as they’d read the letter earlier
that day, something had changed in Remus. Sirius knew there was something bothering him,
but he also knew better than to nag him about it.

Sirius felt as Remus grabbed at one of his hands, lacing their fingers. With another sigh,
Remus began rubbing over the rough skin on his thumb.

“You were picking at it earlier, your thumb,” Remus practically whispered. Smoothing his
own thumb over the reddened skin again and again.

“I know.” Sirius whispered back. It had been a particularly bad habit of his as a child, but
now only resurfaced now and then when he got particularly anxious. Remus brushed over
another roughened patch of skin, and Sirius felt his heartbeat rise as he remembered forcibly
the way he used to get in trouble for picking or biting his fingers, the way his mother used to
punish him. He closed his eyes, and cleared his throat. “I think you’re avoiding my
question.”

“It is Lily…it’s, well it’s just that knowing what she’s going through right now…losing a
parent, you know,” Remus spoke, his phrases a little disjointed as he tried to put his feelings
into words. “It’s made it really real.” He finished, quietly, as if he were talking more to
himself than Sirius.

“It’s made what feel real?” Sirius asked, brow furrowed. Remus took an unsteady breath and
pulled away, turning so he and Sirius were face to face. There was a wobble to Remus’s voice
when he spoke next.

“Sirius, I think my mother is dying.” His voice was quiet, though easily heard in the heavy
silence. Sirius remembered a few nights earlier, over a week now, when they’d talked in bed,
lightly and full of laughter. It struck Sirius just then how much had changed in that week. It
was odd sometimes, the way so much could happen in only days.

“Has she said so?” Sirius asked. Remus shook her head, and fell back on the bed, staring up
at the canopy above them. Sirius sat up, resting on one elbow so he could look down at
Remus.
“No, but I know . In all her letters there’s just this…undercurrent of something . She seems
desperate to see me, and last time we hugged she held me like…like it was the last time.
Which sounds so stupid but… and I hear her and my dad whispering late at night…they think
I can’t hear them, but y’know, werewolf hearing…” he paused then, and blinked hard, tearing
his eyes away from Sirius and looking out towards the window. “I’m not sure I can do the
moons without her. Alone.”

Sirius reached out, dragging his fingers gently through the curls that had fallen over Remus’s
forehead. His eyes flickered back over to Sirius’s. “And what gave you the impression that
you’d be doing it alone, Mr. Lupin?”

Remus huffed. “You know you guys can’t be there with me during the summers.”

“Ah, but Moonbeam,” Sirius brushed his finger just under Remus’s right eye, collecting the
small tear that was threatening to spill down his cheek. “We’ll be done with school by then.
We’ll have our own little apartment in London and we’ll spend every moon together.”

Remus furrowed his brow, and opened his mouth like he was going to speak, but Sirius shook
his head. “ Every moon. Until we’re seventy and your fur’s gone grey.”

Remus let out a watery chuckle and Sirius brushed away another tear. “What about when
we’re seventy-one?” he asked.

Sirius rolled his eyes, grinning. “I’ll be there when you’re seventy-one too. And seventy-two,
seventy-three, seventy-four—”

“Okay, okay. I get the picture.” Sirius could see a real Remus-smile underneath his watery
exterior. He smiled back, gently.

“We really love you, Remus, all of us. We’ll be there if your mother dies, we’ll be there for
every moon and every morning after. You know that, right?” He met Remus’s eyes. “I’ll be
there.”

Remus, not trusting himself to say much, stared into Sirius’s eyes a moment before burying
his face into the other boy’s chest, hiding his tears in Sirius’s pajama shirt. Sirius was quiet, a
hand brushing through the curls at the nape of his neck.

“I love you all too,” Remus whispered. “You…you and James and Peter. How did I get so
lucky?”

Remus felt Sirius shrug against him. “I think the real question is how did we get so lucky.”

“Sap,” Remus murmured, managing another small chuckle.

“Hey, you started it!”

Chapter End Notes

hello again. I hope you liked this chapter :) comment and kudos if u want! (also, thanks
so much for 5,000 hits ! crazy!)
you need a james hug, and i'm not going to take no for an answer
Chapter Notes

evening, all. another chapter so soon after the last! this is practically unheard of for me
lmao. I'm not sure when I'll be able to get the next one out because my computer screen
is currently broken (I am typing this through several colorful lines flickering across my
screen), so I'm not sure when that will all be fixed. hopefully /soon/ lol

EDITED: 8.29.21
not much changed in this chapter!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“ But I'm gonna stick to you boy, you'll never get rid of me

There's no other place in this world where I rather would be ”

— “honey, honey,” abba

tuesday, december 23, 1977

Mum,

I just got your letter, and wanted to start by saying that Lily’s dad passed a few days ago. I
thought you’d like to know, since you said you were praying for him. She’s back now, and
seems to be doing better. We’ve all been there for her, just like you’ve always been there for
me.

This situation—Lily’s dad dying, supporting her through it—has made me really see how
important it is that we are there for those that we love, and how it’s important that we’re open
with each other.

You’ve always been there for me, despite our differences and when dad wasn’t there, but I
don’t think we’re being open with each other right now.

I want you to know that I'm dating Sirius. We’ve been dating for just about a week, but it’s
different with Sirius—he’s been my closest friend for seven years. I can’t imagine much can
come between us now. I’m sure this will be a shock to you, but I want you to be the first to
know. Because I love you.

Because I love you, I want to ask you to be really truly honest with me. I’ve noticed
something’s been going on with you, and I want to know before it’s too late.
Are you ill? I’m sure you’ve only been keeping it a secret to protect me, but I’d feel better if I
knew for sure. I only want to be there for you—

“Fuck.” Remus grumbled, dropping his quill and rubbing his hand over his face. There was
ink on one of his fingers, and it smudged over his cheekbone.

“Alright, mate?” James asked, carefully. He and Remus were alone in the common room.
Many people had gone home for the holidays, but those that remained were outside enjoying
the snow. Sirius and Peter had gone down to the kitchens to get them snacks. They intended
to spend their afternoon getting everything together for their Christmas party, which was only
two days away.

“Yeah,” Remus sighed, pulling his hand away. Remus knew his eyes would be red and watery
as he looked over at James, and he hoped he wouldn’t notice. Alas, no such luck. (He should
have known, though. James Potter was nothing but observant when it came to his friends).

“Yeah, alright, you little liar,” James scoffed. Remus raised an eyebrow at him. “Come on,
get over here.”

James scooted so he was sitting up on the couch, and opened his arm, clearly intending for
Remus to get under it.

“Thanks, James, but I don’t really need a hug right now. I’ll just finish this letter and stop
being such a bloody emotional mess—”

“No, no.” James shook his head, and fixed Remus with a glare. “You need a James Hug, and
I’m not going to take no for an answer.”

“Merlin, ever heard of consent?” Remus quipped.

“Cuddle me, Remus.”

“Christ, alright .” Remus honestly thought the idea of a hug from James sounded quite nice
right about then, so didn’t put up much of a fight. He joined James on the couch, letting
himself get wrapped up in his big arms. He settled his head on his chest with a sigh.

James grinned, though Remus couldn’t see it from his position. “How are you feeling now?”

“It seems that with this one hug you’ve solved all my problems. My mother’s healthy, I’m no
longer a werewolf, I’ve passed my Newts, my crops are watered…”

“You’re loving it.”

Remus snorted against him. “You’re confident.”

“No one has ever said anything bad about a James Hug, so you’re right, I am rather confident
in my abilities.”
The portrait hole swung open, and Peter and Sirius walked through. Peter was carrying a
large tray full of food, and Sirius was picking bits off of it every once and awhile. From his
spot on James’s chest, Remus saw Sirius laugh loudly at something Peter said before he
looked up and made eye contact with him. When he was sure Peter was looking away, Remus
shot Sirius a wink. (Sirius pretended to not be flustered).

“Prongs, you’re giving Moony a James Hug ?” Sirius crossed his arms. “I’m so jealous.”

“Of who?” Remus mumbled, gaining a loud laugh from James and the blush to creep up
further up Sirius’s cheeks. Remus pulled away then, giving James a little pat on the arm as a
way of thanks.

“Moony was sad, and I simply couldn’t sit here while the poor lad cried! All on his own,
smudging the ink of his letter to his sweet mother…”
“Thank you, James. I think we’ve gotten the picture now.” Remus said dryly, standing up to
cross back over to the desk, where his letter sat unfinished.

“Are you okay?” Peter asked, setting down the food on the coffee table. He handed Remus a
small plate with a brownie and some strawberries (James had added the strawberries).

“You were crying?” Sirius asked him, concerned. He perched himself on the edge of the desk,
swinging his legs so there was a soft thump every time his heels hit the wood.

“I was not crying .” Three unbelieving looks were cast his way. “Okay, let me rephrase that.
No tears actually fell from my eyes.”

“Oh, moons…” Sirius began, but was silenced when Remus held up his hand.

“No speaking, I need to finish this.”

There were a few moments of silence, broken by the sound of Remus’s quill scratching on
the parchment and Sirius stealing a strawberry off his plate. He wrote a few final lines before
signing it and slipping it into an envelope, then attaching it to Artemis’ leg. He gave her a
goodbye pat on her head and she was off, through the open window and into the crisp
December afternoon.

“Did you tell her?” Sirius asked, rather vaguely. Remud knew what he meant. They’d spoken
extensively the night before, and came up with a sort of plan. First they’d tell his mother
about their relationship, then they’d tell their friends (though they hadn’t quite worked out a
timeline for that second bit yet).

“Yeah.” Remus turned to face Sirius, who was still lounging on the desk.

A fond sort of look came over his face. “Rem, you’ve got…” he licked his thumb and
reached out, rubbing at the ink on his cheek. Remus smiled up at him.

“Thanks, Pads.”

“No time to flirt! We’ve got a party to prepare, people!” James exclaimed loudly, jumping up
and clapping his hands for emphasis.
“We weren’t—“ Sirius began, then paused when he caught Remus’ raised eyebrow. “Well…
whatever . What's first for our party planning?”

“I’m going to need a little more enthusiasm, Padfoot.” James said, hands on his hips. (He
looked startlingly like Euphemia as he glared across the room at them.)

“Like mother like son,” Sirius murmured quietly. Remis snorted.

“No whispers! Get up! We’re starting with the decor…”

The girls had been decorating some days before, so the common room was already decked
out in garlands and had an impressive tree in one corner, but James still thought there was far
more that could be done (“ just some garland isn’t going to cut it, Remus. This is Christmas,
for Merlin’s sake…” ).

He’d ordered Sirius and Remus to stay and try to figure out how to charm the ceiling like the
Great Hall to make it look like it was snowing (he’d gotten the idea from Marlene the day the
girls had decorated it, but modified it to get rid of the messy aspect); then he’d given them a
stack of books and left with Peter. Their task was to sneak down to Hogsmeade and try to get
some Firewhisky from Rosmerta at the Three Broomsticks (by force or by flirting, Remus
and Sirius weren’t yet sure).

“Be good, you two.” James said, just before he left.

“Of course we’ll be good ,” Sirius rolled his eyes. “What do you think we’ll get up to?”

James narrowed his eyes, and walked backwards across the room, eyes flickering between the
two of them. “I can’t be sure…”

“You’re so bloody dramatic, Prongs. Just go!” Remus said, crossing his arms and trying his
best to look stern.

Peter had already left the portrait hole, but stuck his head back in the room momentarily
when James joined him in the hall. “Enjoy yourselves,” Peter sing-songed. The door closed,
and they were gone.

“Those absolute little shits .” Sirius grumbled, sinking down in his chair. “Is this their new
game plan? Just leave us alone as often as possible and hope we just…make out?”

“S’a little late for that.” Remus mumbled, cheek pressed into his hand as he flipped through a
book James had left them.

“Merlin, maybe that’s it!” Sirius sat up straight again, eyes wide. Remus turned to look at
him, quiet as he waited for Sirius’s inevitable explanation. “They know. They have to fucking
know.”

“How could they know?” Remus sat back in his chair, turning a little so his and Sirius’s knees
brushed against each other under the table.
“Well, Pete had a right laugh when he saw we’d slept in the same bed that night a few days
ago. And then…I dunno. They can probably like…tell or something. I suppose we look
different. Do I look different to you? Glowy?”

“Absolutely glowing . Are you pregnant?” Remus grinned, then schooled his face back into a
stern frown, whispering, “am I not the father?”

“You’re such a dick. I’m being serious! And please , don’t make a Sirius joke.” He shuddered
in mock horror, as if he didn’t make jokes about his name all the time.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, babe. But really, would it really bother you if they knew?” Sirius had
his hands clasped tightly together, and Remus reached out to grab one of them, pulling it back
into his own lap and running his fingers over the smooth skin on the back of his hand, and the
rough calluses on his fingers.

“I guess not. I just…want it to be on our own terms, you know?”

“It will be, Pads, don’t worry.”

“Yeah.” There was a silence, then Sirius was pulling on Remus’s hand, pulling him closer.
“They did leave us alone…”

“Mm, they did…” Remus smiled as he closed the gap between them, pressing his lips to
Sirius’. Sirius' hands fell from Remus’ and wound their way around his waist, slipping under
his shirt and laying flat against his back. Remus had his hands in Sirius’ hair, and—

“Good lord, what have we got here?”

Remus and Sirius sprung apart, Sirius needing to grab onto the table as he almost toppled
backwards off his chair. It was Marlene, arms crossed and shit-eating grin spread across her
face, Hestia stood next to her, grinning just as wide.

“Fucking hell,” Remus muttered, letting his forehead fall foreward and hit the table, pressing
his hand up to his own racing heart.

“This is new,” Hestia said casually.

“‘Spose. Though it was newer about a week ago,” Sirius said, sighing. “Don’t tell anyone.
Please?”

“Of course we won’t,” Marlene said, seriously. She and Hestia crossed the room and took the
seats across from Sirius and Remus. Remus picked up his head and rested it on his hand. His
heart was pounding and he felt ill. “Who else knows?”

“You two. My mum in a few days,” Remus said.

“Not James and Peter?” Hestia asked, brows furrowed. “But I thought they had that whole
fake dating thing going? I mean, surely they knew you two liked each other.”
“I guess they had some idea, yeah,” Sirius shrugged. “We just…wanted a moment to
ourselves, you know?”

Marlene hummed, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms. She was wearing a
simple, soft-looking leather jacket, and had two long blonde braids trailing down over her
shoulders (Remus supposed Hestia had braided her hair. Sometimes he wondered what it
would be like to braid Sirius’s hair. He wasn’t sure it was long enough to hold a braid, but
he’d like to try if Sirius would let him). (He’d probably let him).

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Why are you looking at us like that?”

“I’m not looking at you like anything!”

“Yes you are! Like we’re some kind of bloody museum exhibit. Never seen a gay person
before, Marls?” Sirius teased. Marlene huffed, and rolled her eyes.

“Prick.”

“We’re just glad you worked it out. We’re happy for you,” Hestia said, smiling across at
them. “Or at least I am. Dunno about Marls, here.”

Marlene gasped dramatically, then gently hit Hestia’s shoulder. The other girl laughed and hit
her back. “Of course I’m happy for you. Really really.”

“Thanks guys,” Remus said. He felt a lot more at ease. He supposed he had felt more shocked
at being found out than anything; he knew Marlene and Hestia would be supportive.

“Now that that’s all out of the way, we can get back to decorating. Marls, do you remember
that spell that makes it snow?” Sirius asked.

Marlene visibly brightened. “Of course I do, dear Sirius.”

***

Twenty minutes later, the four seventh years found themselves standing in snow up to their
ankles, desperately trying to pick up anything that could be damaged by water off the floor.

“I told you we should have modified the spell, Sirius!” Remus grumbled, brushing snow off
of a 17th century book about vampires in Australia he’d saved from a low bookshelf.

“I didn’t know it would actually make it fucking snow!”

“What’s the countercurse?” Hestia asked, trying to vanish a large mound near the portrait
hole, to no avail.

“I don’t know, I don’t know,” Marlene mumbled, flipping madly through some of the books
James left. She was sitting cross-legged on the table to avoid the worst of the snow on the
 floor.

“Hurry up!” Sirius growled, grabbing a handful and throwing it out the window. “If Minnie
finds this she’s going to actually murder us. They’ll hang our heads above the fireplace in the
common room like House Elves. It’ll be a warning—if you and three other gay seventh year
wizards decide fill the entire fucking room with snow, this could be you!”

“ Fuck , I forgot about McGonagall!” Marlene groaned. “I can’t get detention!”

“You better start searching faster then,” Sirius said darkly, tossing another meagre handful of
snow out the window.

“Well, you could help me, you know,” Marlene snapped. She grabbed a book at random and
tossed it at Sirius. He managed to just barely catch it.

Clamoring over a snowbank, Sirius made it to Marlene’s table and climbed on top, glowering
across at her. “I bet I’ll find it first.”

Marlene huffed. “Yeah, sure.”

“ Merlin ,” Remus groaned, closing his eyes and rubbing his hands over his face.

“Why did we leave them in charge again?” Hestia asked from beside him.

“No bloody idea.”

Chapter End Notes

hi :) hope you all enjoyed the chapter ! comment and kudos if you liked it !
 i've been meaning to tell you, i'm dating peter
Chapter Notes

hi! I finally found time to finish this chapter lol. also, I went back to all the chapters and
added little quotes/song lyrics to the start of them. Some are book quotes, but if they're
lyrics then the songs will be on the playlist! (like this one! I think this is the first song I
added to the playlist)

EDITED: 8.30.21
biggest thing I changed in this chapter was some of Remus' fun little religion monologue
at the start. also last chapter should be out tomorrow! <3

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“ And when you ran to me

Your cheeks flushed with the night

We walked on frosted fields

of juniper and lamplight

I held your hand

And when I awoke and felt you warm and near

I kissed your honey hair with my grateful tears

Oh I love you girl

Oh I love you ”

— “for emily, whenever i may find her,” simon & garfunkel

wednesday, december 24, 1977

Remus wasn’t a religious man. Despite his mother’s religious upbringing (Remus had never
even met that side of his family—religion and magic didn’t often mix well. Which made his
parents pairing even more ironic, he thought), she hadn’t much bothered to instill any of it in
him. If he had to guess, he would imagine it was his father’s doing.

Lyall had always thought religion was unorthodox (and it was, really, in the wizarding
world), but Remus knew that his mother kept a bible in the back of one of the kitchen
cupboards and, when alone with Remus on the night of the moon, would always tell him the
same thing.

She’d tell him to picture his body, just the way it was, and to imagine it flooding with bright
yellow light from the tips of his fingers and toes to the deep recesses of his heart— God’s
love , she would say, running her fingers through his hair, giving him one last kiss on the
forehead. Remus did as she said, every moon, but he wasn’t sure it was God’s love he felt
strengthening him, but rather, just love. The love of his mother, his friends—that was his
religion.

He knew his mother prayed in stolen moments when his father was busy or out of the house.
Though for who she prayed for, Remus wasn’t entirely sure. He supposed she prayed for him
and, surely, his father. She’d prayed for Lily’s father.

Remus had prayed only once. It was after a particularly bad moon over the summer—he’d
probably been thirteen or fourteen. He was outgrowing the cage his father had put him in, and
in the morning he’d nearly clawed himself half to death. His father was always worse around
the moons—meaner—though Remus had never really understood why. In hindsight, it was
probably just the reminder his son was a dangerous half-breed . Those were the words he’d
used that morning, muttered under his breath, angrily mopping up Remus’s blood from the
ground.

His mother had seen to him later, gently and cracking small jokes the whole time (much like
Sirius did for him at school). He’d prayed for her that night, prayed that she’d always be
there. It had felt a little silly at the time, and still felt a little silly to Remus five years later.

But either way, he supposed it hadn’t worked.

“Moonlight?” Sirius whispered. “You up?”

It was early morning and Remus sat on his bed, the curtains open so he could watch the
sunrise. Sirius poked his head through his own curtains, squinting at the weak winter light
that filtered through the windows.

“ Moonlight ? That’s new,” Remus whispered back.

“Just mixing it up.” Sirius looked around the room to confirm everyone else was asleep, then
raised one eyebrow. “You coming in?” he asked, twitching the curtains open a fraction,
enough for Remus to slip into his bed. Remus complied.

They were quiet as they crawled back under Sirius’s blankets. Remus found himself
practically half on top of him, head on his chest. He closed his eyes, and had almost fallen
asleep again to Sirius’s heartbeat and his hand in his hair, when Sirius spoke. “You’re awake
early. What were you up to this morning?”

“I’ve been meaning to tell you, I’m dating Peter. We’ve been having an on-and-off affair for
the past week or so. Sometimes we have time for a quick shag in the shower in the
mornings,” Remus mumbled sleepily, eyes still closed. Sirius snorted, and Remus felt the
vibrations of it reverberate through him. He smiled into Sirius’s pajama shirt. “Kidding. I was
just taking some quiet time to think.”

“Ah, so you were worrying about your mother and what she would say in response to your
letter?”

Remus huffed. “Yeah, I mean she’s always liked Wormy well enough, but I’m not sure she’d
really fancy him as a son-in-law.”

“Goodness, marriage already?”

“Mm,” Remus yawned. “I’m expecting him to pop the question any day now really.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “You’re so annoying but still manage to look cute. Do tell, what’s your
secret?”

“Well, I’m a werewolf, and werewolves are notoriously adorable and cuddly, obviously . Also
you’re annoying and cute all the time, so I s’pose I learnt it from you.”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment. I think it’s because your Welsh accent gets thicker
when you’re tired.”

“It so does not.”

“It so does.”

Sirius trailed a thumb over the blush on Remus’s freckled and scar-littered cheeks. He’d
always thought that Remus’s skin looked like the night sky—scars stretching between
smattering of freckles like constellations. “Now, where were we?”

“Me and Pete’s undying love for each other?”

“Ah, yes. You were avoiding my question. So, Rem, what were you worrying about this
morning?”

Remus sighed, and rolled off of Sirius’s chest, landing on a pillow with a dramatic huff. He
pulled himself up so he and Sirius were shoulder to shoulder. “I guess I’m nervous to hear
what my mother has to say about me and you, but even more nervous to hear what she has to
say about herself.”

Sirius hummed, and reached out to take Remus’s hand, which was clenched around a handful
of his sheets. “At least you’ll know the truth.”

“Yeah,” he said faintly. Then, with more certainty. “Also, I want to tell James and Pete about
us. Today.”

“Alright.” Sirius leaned over, and pressed a kiss to his temple (there was a mole there, on his
left temple), “I’m ready if you are.”
 ***

The Great Hall was oddly barren, and a smattering of students were spread out across the four
tables. The seventh year occupants of Gryffindor tower (minus Frank and Alice, who had to
go home for the holidays) were laughing loudly, cheeks flushed from their morning out in the
snow.

“I can’t believe I missed it,” James said, shaking his head solemnly. James had just made
Sirius retell the story of their failed snow spell for the millionth time since he’d told him the
night before. “You four, up to your waists in snow in the common room, Minnie at the door,
furious. I mean. What. A. Scene.”

“Yeah, I’d rather you’d been there than me,” Marlene said. “I’ll be in detention until I die!”

“Don’t be dramatic, McKinnon. It’s only a month,” Sirius said, waving a hand dismissively.

“Dramatic? You were the one who said our heads would be hung above the fireplace like
house elves!”

“A month with Filch. Merlin knows what he’ll make us do.” Hestia shuddered. “I know he’s
itching to get out those bloody…medieval torture methods he loves to go on about.”

“He’s always threatening that. It’s all just talk,” Remus said, shrugging. He pushed his soup
around with his spoon. “He’ll probably make us…give a bath to that new kitten of his, Mrs.
Norris.”

Sirius snorted. “Yeah, then take her for a walk around the school. But not too long, mind.
She’s got tiny little legs; she’s only a baby.”

“Of course,” Remus nodded solemnly. “Wouldn’t want to tire out the poor, sweet thing.”

“You two aren’t taking this seriously at all are you?” Lily asked.

“No,” Sirius and Remus said, simultaneously. They looked at each other and laughed.

Marlene rolled her eyes. “Ridiculous. The both of you.”

After lunch, The boys decided to have a snowman building contest, and managed to drag
Mary and Lily into it as well. Marlene and Hestia declined, deciding instead to take a walk
around the courtyard.

They could still see their friends in the snow, save for the occasional stone wall. Marlene
slipped her gloved hand into Hestia’s as they walked, enjoying the quiet that was
occasionally interrupted by loud shrieks of laughter and muffled voices.
“When do you think they’ll tell the others?” Hestia asked then, swinging her and Marlene’s
hands just barely. “Sirius and Remus, I mean.”

“Dunno. Soon I’d imagine, while they still have the choice.”

Hestia hummed, and they fell back into silence again.

“ James Fleamont Potter, I swear to God if you try to put snow down my shirt again—”

Marlene snorted. “Lily’s really got her hands full with that one.”

“Yeah,” Hestia grinned, “She really loves him though, I can tell.” Hestia tightened her hand
around Marlene’s. Then, because she’d been thinking it for days—“I really love you , you
know. Which is maybe crazy actually and that was a stupid way to have said that thinking
back on it but I suppose now you—mmph.”

Marlene had grabbed her face in her hands and kissed her soundly, walking them backwards
until Hestia’s back was pressed against an old stone wall in some hidden corner. When
Marlene pulled back a fraction, Hestia continued. “I’ve never spent Christmas away from my
family before but I…well, I really wanted to. To spend it with you, here. I’d spend every
Christmas with you, if I could, forever—”

Marlene cut her off with another kiss, pressing Hestia back into the stones. “You talk far too
much. But ,” she grinned cheekily at her. “I love you too. Happy Christmas Eve, darling.”

Hestia sighed happily. “Happy Christmas Eve, Marly.”

***

“Mary, tell Pete he’s shit at snowman making.”

“Peter, Remus wants you to know you’re shit at snowman making.”

“I know, I know. They stressed me out, okay! I’m not good under pressure,” Peter mumbled,
hiding his face in his hands.

“It was a snowman building contest, not a fight to the death,” said Remus, rolling his eyes.
They were all back in the common room, trying to get warm by the fire before dinner.

No one knew where Marlene and Hestia had gone off to, but everyone else was accounted
for. Peter and James were sitting on their normal couch, while Sirius and Mary were in the
adjacent armchairs. Lily was upstairs looking for nail polish, as Sirius wanted to paint his
nails again, and Remus had planted himself directly in front of the fireplace.

He always ran hot around the moons, but as he was almost exactly between the last full moon
and the next one, he was back to his usual human temperature (which for Remus meant
freezing —he was almost always wearing two sweaters). He would have much rather joined
Sirius in his chair, but they still hadn’t spoken to James or Peter yet about their relationship.

While Peter, James, and Mary were getting into a quickly escalating discussion about
snowmen, Remus risked a glance at Sirius, as if to communicate a million unsaid worries. He
smiled easily back at him.

“Will you let me paint your nails?” Sirius asked him. They were close enough that he didn’t
need to yell, even as James shrieked something about “ twelve fucking buttons, Pettigrew,
honestly... ”

Remus looked down at his nails, neatly cleaned and filed. “I don’t know. I’m mostly worried
about your nail painting skills more than anything, honestly.”

“Oi! It can’t be that hard.” Sirius wiggled his eyebrows. “You know you want to…”

Remus pretended to deliberate, though he’d known he’d cave as soon as Sirius had asked
him. He huffed, and reached out a foot to kick Sirius gently on the shin. “Fine.”

“Yes!”

James quieted and peered around Peter. “What are you two whispering about?”
“Moons is letting me paint his nails.”

“Oh, nice! Can you paint mine?”

“Ooo, and mine?” Peter exclaimed.

Once Lily returned, Sirius spent far too long picking the right color for Remus’ nails. In the
end, however, he picked out a pale green color. He said that it reminded him of the little
flecks of green in Remus’ caramel eyes. ( Remus blushed profusely when he’d whispered it
in his ear.) (Had he spoken above a whisper, Remus was sure it would have blown their
cover.)

“How’s the girlfriend, Pete.” Mary asked conversationally as she applied a thin layer of sky
blue nail polish. Mary had offered to paint Peter’s nails, and Lily had taken James. (James
had picked out a bubblegum pink, but Lily claimed it clashed with her hair and had picked
him out a softer pink instead). “What’ll she think about your new nails?”

“She’ll think they’re cool, I reckon.” There was a silence, then Peter blurted out, “We
shagged! Me and Caroline, I mean. I’ve been wanting to say but then never found a good
time and—”

“Wormy!” James exclaimed, jostling his hand in his fervor and causing Lily to paint a stripe
of polish on his skin. “Tell us everything .”

“Everything?” Sirius repeated, glancing up at James from the spot he and Remus had
snagged by the fire.

“Everything! Come on, don’t you want to hear about our little Wormy’s sexual escapades?”
“Absolutely not. Especially not when you say it like that, Prongs.” Sirius snorted, and Remus
watched as he slipped back into concentration, his tongue resting between his teeth as he
finished a coat of polish. “ Voila. J’ai fini, ma lune .”

“I don’t know what that means,” Remus whispered.

Sirius smiled at him. “I’ve finished.”

“Oh, right. And ma lune ? Are we back on the French names?”

“Yep. French sounds nice coming out of your mouth, by the way.”

Remus tried to raise his eyebrows at him in a casual kind of way, but he knew he was
blushing. “Stop flirting with me, Black.”

“I’m not sure you know what you’re asking for there, Lupin.”

Remus opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted by a loud gasp from James. It
seemed that he had, in fact, gotten Peter to tell him about him and Caroline. “Oh, Pete, a
broom closet?”

“Romantic.” Lily said dryly. She performed some charm to dry James’ nails then leaned in to
press a kiss to his cheek.

“Well, I wasn’t about to take her to our dorm, was I?” Peter asked defensively.

“Why not?” James asked plainly. Peter narrowed his eyes and Sirius laughed before he could
stop himself, ducking his head in the crook of his arm to hide most of it.

“I really don’t want to know what you’ve done in our dorm, Prongs. Merlin .”

“It’s the dorm or the broom closet, Pete.” Sirius said sagely. Peter wrinkled his nose in
thought.

“I suppose. How would you know?”

“Well, I…I suppose I, I mean I don’t—”

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Remus muttered under his breath.

“Hey! Rude!”

“Watch who you’re calling rude, Pads, I’m the one in control of your nails right now.” Remus
waved around the jar of dark, sparkly blue nail polish in his hand.

“Oh, threatening.”

“I am threatening!” Remus said, practically whinging, “James, back me up.”

“Terrifying.” James deadpanned.

“He’s lying to you, Moons. You’re like…”

“ Don’t finish that sentence,” Remus threatened.

“—the sweetest, most adorable—” Remus groaned, burying his head in his arm to hide his
blush.

***

As late afternoon slipped into early evening, Remus began to get increasingly stressed over
telling the others about him and Sirius. He felt it was rather silly, considering he was trying to
stick to a non-existent deadline he made for himself, but he pulled Sirius aside as they walked
back from dinner all the same.

“We should tell them back in the dorms,” he said, voice low as he and Sirius trailed behind
the others.

“Alright. What are we going to say?”

They quieted as Remus thought about it, any words he’d planned out beforehand slipping
from his mind in the way all good plans do when you need them most. It was in these few
moments that, lost in his head, he forgot about the mistletoe spell on the doorways, and didn’t
realize that they were entering the portrait hole until Sirius nudged him and pointed above
their heads.

“Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

James and Peter had gone in just before them (one at a time, as they’d become used to), and
turned at Remus’ exclamation.

James barked out a laugh. “Oh, go on then!”

Remus crossed his arms, feigning annoyance, and spared a glance in Sirius’ direction, before
looking up at the mistletoe above their heads. Sirius quirked an eyebrow and Remus returned
the gesture with a tiny shrug. The longer he looked at the tiny sprig of mistletoe, the longer
he thought perhaps it wasn’t the worst situation they could have found themselves in.

“Oh, please.” Peter rolled his eyes at James’ enthusiasm. “You know they don’t have to
actually kiss, right? The charm breaks once you get a few feet away from the other person.”

Remus looked up again, decision made, and brought his eyes firmly to Peters. “Yeah, but
who’s to say we don’t want to kiss?”
Peter’s eyes widened, and he and James shared a look. Sirius stepped closer to Remus, and
wrapped one arm gently around his waist. “Can I kiss you?” he whispered. Remus nodded,
breathing a quiet yes before their lips were pressed together. The mistletoe disappeared with a
pop, and Sirius pressed a final, lingering kiss to Remus’ lips before pulling away.
 He grabbed Remus’ hand and turned back to Peter and James with a cheery grin. “Well, that
took care of that! Bed, anyone?”

“ James …they actually,” Peter murmured, then turned to Remus and Sirius, “are you
actually…?”

“We are in fact dating—surprise—” Sirius said, pulling Remus towards the boy's staircase.

“—and will entertain any questions you may have in the morning!” Remus finished with a
wave.

James stood his ground, arms crossed. “ Oh , I can’t believe you two! Where are you going?”
They disappeared up the stairs, and he threw up his arms in exasperation and set off to follow
them. “You can’t just leave!”

“I’ve got lots of questions!” Peter squeaked, following James up the stairs.

By the fireplace, the seventh year girls were all sprawled out, watching the scene with
interest.

“Well, that’s one way to do it,” Marlene said, as soon as all four boys had disappeared.

Lily snorted. “I suppose. You know, I think I’ve known that they’ve been dating since that
day we went ice skating. They held hands the whole time and I’m pretty sure it was them I
saw making out behind a tree.”

“Yeah, they think no one can hear them but I swear they’re bloody constantly flirting with
each other,” Mary said, with a fond laugh.

“Oh, to be young and in love,” Hestia murmured from her spot on the carpet, just in front of
the fire.

“Oi!” Marlene threw a small pillow at her and she caught it with a laugh. “You’re young and
in love!”

Hestia grinned, and rolled over so she could press a kiss to the tip of Marlene’s nose. “Yeah. I
am.”

Chapter End Notes

I hope you enjoy this penultimate chapt :)) comment and kudos if u want ! <3
 tea tree shampoo
Chapter Notes

oh my god hi. it's the last chapter. thank you so much for all the support and love you've
all given this fic !! it's been fun :))) enjoy the final chapter !

EDITED: 8.31.21
I said I would finish this in august and! we've still got an hour and twenty minutes left of
august so, shockingly, I did it! anyways not many edits in this chapter but thank you so
much again for reading and loving this fic <3 <3 look out for any more parts of this
series bc they may exist in the future. who knows. :)

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“ Waterloo,

Promise to love you for ever more”

— “waterloo,” abba

thursday, december 25, 1977

“HAPPY CHRISTMAS!”

The curtains of Remus’ bed were flung open, and light flooded the previously peaceful space.
He opened one bleary eye and looked around. To his left on his bedside table was the freshly-
opened letter from his mother, it’s contents confirming his worst suspicions while also being
far more supportive of him and Sirius than he’d ever dreamed. Despite that, thinking of the
words she’d scrawled in her messy writing made fear and sadness roll around in his gut. He
pushed those feelings down—that was a problem for later. To his right was Sirius, warm and
permanent and running his fingers gently through Remus’ bed-head.

“ No, ” Remus groaned, squeezing his eyes shut again and pressing his face into Sirius’
chest.

“Come on, Moonbeam,” Sirius sing-songed, “It’s Christmas .”

“It can be Christmas in an hour.”

“Merlin, these two are already fighting like an old married couple.” That was Peter, from
somewhere near the end of the bed. Remus felt as another shape, James probably, sat down
by their feet.
“Why is everyone here, ” Remus mumbled incoherently. “ Making noise.”

“We live here too, shockingly,” Peter said, as he too climbed on Remus’ bed (much to his
annoyance).

“Up you get, ma lune ,” Sirius said softly, leaning down to press a kiss on the top of Remus’
head. “I reckon there’s chocolate in your stocking.”

Remus rolled over with a grumble, and settled himself comfortably against Sirius’ chest. He
raised an eyebrow at Peter when he noticed the other boy's wide eyes.

“You two are like properly together, aren’t you. Like…kissing and cuddling and stuff.”

“Peter, we’ve been sleeping in the same bed for the past week,” Remus pointed out, eyebrow
still raised. He hadn’t really meant to imply anything by it, just pointing out that they were
well into kissing and cuddling , but Peter’s eyes widened even more.

“Oh Merlin, so you two are…doing it in the dorm as well? Because I’m still a little foggy on
the dorm versus broom closet situ—”

“ Peter!” Remus exclaimed, throwing his hands over his face as he heard Sirius’ loud bark of
laughter. He tried to sound angry and ignore the bright blush he knew was creeping up his
neck. “We are not doing it in the dorm , fucking hell.” Peter opened his mouth, but Remus cut
across him with a look. “ Or a bloody broom closet. Prongs, hand me my stocking please. I’d
like to hit Pettigrew across the head with it.”

James gave him a sharp salute and got up to collect the stockings. “On it, ma lune .”

“ Christ. ”

***

Remus did get lots of chocolate, and received an extra bar (a heart-shaped one. Dark
chocolate with little strawberry bits) from Sirius, though he said that it wasn’t his only gift,
and that Remus would get that later. Remus had a secret gift for Sirius as well, tucked
carefully beneath his bed.

The sun rose higher in the sky, casting Remus’ bed in a pale glow from the winter sunlight
streaming through their windows, and the boys took turns opening presents. Remus’ most
favorite gift was the briefcase that his friends had all gone in on, and had Professor R. J.
Lupin embossed along the front.

He’d stared at it, lost for words. “ Well what do you think, Professor Lupin? ” Sirius had
whispered, resting his cheek on the top of his head.
“ We know you’ll make a bloody brilliant teacher one day, mate, regardless of your
lycanthropy. ” James had told him.

“ Yeah! Fuck lycanthropy! ” added Peter enthusiastically. Remus had let out a watery chuckle,
and had hid his real tears in James’ shoulder when he pulled him in for a tight hug.

The other most notable present was the record player Sirius got from his favorite cousin
Andromeda. Along with it, she’d sent a few albums. Hunky Dory , Waterloo , Bridge Over
Troubled Water, A Day At The Races, and the newest Fleetwood Mac album, Rumours —just
to name a few. Andromeda had written him a long letter, giving him a rundown of every
album and her personal reviews of each.

“ I didn’t know what music you would like, so I thought I’d give you a little of everything, ”
she’d written in a careful, aristocratic scrawl. She certainly had given him a little of
everything. Popular albums sat among more underground ones; there was Rock and Pop and
Disco and even a bit of American Folk (“ Sweet Baby James, James Taylor—this was Dora’s
pick. She falls asleep to it every night and wanted you to be able to listen to it too. ”).

Sirius hurried to set it up (with lots of help from Remus, who knew his way around muggle
technology better than Sirius did), and they finished opening presents to the smooth voice of
David Bowie, a backdrop to their laughter and light arguments over if they would wear the
matching pajamas that James had gotten them for the rest of the day. Remus was opposed to
this wholeheartedly, but he was outnumbered, and was practically forced down to the
common room in his new green pajamas, adorned with little snitches and Santa hats. He
wasn’t sure why they were Quidditch themed, but this was James, after all.

“Cute pajamas,” Lily said, when they finally made their way down for lunch. James sat
beside her, and she leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

Marlene pretended to gag. “Gross. Not at the table .”

James ignored her, but blushed a little and turned to kiss Lily properly.

“I’m so hungry,” moaned Remus, ignoring James and Lily and looking over at the other girls.
“They’ve been keeping me hostage and starving me. We didn’t even have breakfast .”

Mary patted him on the shoulder. “Poor thing.”

Sirius snorted, and rolled his eyes. “Please. You’ve been eating chocolate all morning,
Moons.”

Remus shook his head solemnly. “I’m a growing boy, Sirius. I need at least three meals a
day.”

“Yeah, Sirius , are you trying to stunt his growth?” Marlene asked, raising her eyebrows at
him.

Sirius laughed, and Remus smiled at the sound. He liked making Sirius laugh. “Yeah, that’s
my evil plan. I just want to be taller than Remus for once in my bloody life.”
“You were taller than me in third year,” Remus pointed out, spooning soup into his bowl.

“I guess. For like a second.”

Remus rolled his eyes, but smiled as he bumped his shoulder into Sirius’. “Pass the bread,
love?”

“When you’re finished eating, can we open more presents?” Marlene asked, sounding rather
like an impatient child, “Lils wouldn’t tell us what she got all of you and it’s been killing me
for weeks.”

They did eventually make their way up to Gryffindor tower, and took advantage of the empty
common room to all sit around the fire and open presents, uninterrupted. It didn’t take long,
and by the time they finished it was hardly mid-afternoon. Despite the early hour, a few
younger kids were beginning to creep hopefully down the stairs, asking when the party was
going to start.

“Oo, yes!” Hestia had exclaimed, after the kids had disappeared back up to their dorms. “I’m
ready for some of the spiked eggnog.”

“Hest, It’s barely three in the afternoon,” Mary said with a snort.

Hestia reached forward to pat her cheek. “I know, Mary, I know.”

“How many people are coming to this thing anyway?” Peter asked, watching James as he got
up and purposefully began to stalk the room, inspecting decorations and muttering under his
breath. Remus could tell he was slipping into Planning Mode (also affectionately referred to
as his Mother Hen Mode by Sirius), and was hoping he and Sirius might slip away before the
worst of it.

“Fifteen or twenty? Not sure really, but probably most everyone who stayed behind for the
hols.” James stopped and looked down at his friends. “Alright, this room isn’t nearly ready.
Hestia, could you get the eggnog and firewhisky? We—”

As James turned his back on them, Remus felt a gentle tug on his hand. He turned to see
Sirius, grinning softly, jerking his head towards the stairs to their dorm, eyebrow raised.

Remus smiled back, glad they were on the same page, and the two of them carefully and
quietly snuck up the stairs. They were entirely unnoticed by James, who was still barking out
orders.

“A true Quidditch captain,” Sirius said, a hand to his heart. Remus shut the door behind them
and they were alone.

“Too bad he isn’t the Quidditch captain.”

“Well, he was , don’t forget. Only got replaced by Marls when he punched Goyle in the
face.”
“Oh, right.” Remus took a step closer to Sirius, and saw his eyes flicker down to his mouth.
“Why are we still talking about James?”

“I don’t know.” Sirius breathed, before closing the gap between them. “You smell nice,” he
whispered, making Remus laugh against his mouth. “Like…like tea tree shampoo and you.”

Remus smiled against him, and gripped Sirius’ waist tighter.

They continued until Sirius had his back pressed against the wall and Remus had his lips on
his neck, when Sirius remembered the reason they were up in the dorm in the first place. He
placed his hands on Remus’ shoulders. “Moons, Remus.” Remus jerked his head back, wide
eyes scanning Sirius’ face. Sirius reached out to drag his fingers through Remus’ hair. “Sorry,
Moonshadow, I’m fine. Just wanted to give you your Christmas present.”

“What? This isn’t my Christmas present?” Remus countered, leaning in again for another
kiss. He got one (Sirius wasn’t about to say no to a kiss) and grinned against his mouth.
“Also, Moonshadow? Isn’t that a Cat Stevens song?”

Sirius pulled back, flipped them so Remus was against the wall, and began to sing softly. “
I’m being followed by a moonshadow, moonshadow, moonshadow, leaping and hopping on a
moonshadow…”

Remus surged forward and wrapped his arms tight around Sirius’ waist, burying his head in
his neck. “I don’t deserve you,” he murmured.

Sirius scoffed under him, and his arms came up to wrap around Remus. “You deserve
everything.”

Feeling uncharacteristically teary at the compliment, Remus sniffled, then pulled back a
touch so he could look Sirius in the eyes. “I love you.” His voice was quiet, slightly thick
with unshed tears. It was maybe an obvious thing to say, they’d said it plenty of times before,
but something felt different in the way Remus said it this time—he loved him, not in the way
he loved James or Peter or Lily or Marlene or Dorcas or his mother or any of the others.

Remus watched as Sirius’ eyes widened a fraction, before he smiled blindingly and leaned
down to kiss Remus softly. “I love you too. Now please stop kissing me, I have a Christmas
present to give you.”

“You kissed me , you prat. And I want to give you my present first.” Remus said, stubbornly.
He took a hold of Sirius’ shoulders and steered him towards his bed, pushing him until he
was sitting down, legs crossed on the soft duvet. Remus went to pull away, to duck under his
bed and grab the wrapped present he’d ordered all those days ago, but Sirius reached out and
grabbed his arm.

“Wait, Rem, I have to tell you something.” He spoke seriously, eyes wide.

“What is it?” Remus asked, brows furrowed.

Sirius’ face broke out into a wide grin, and he pressed a kiss to the inside of Remus’ wrist. “I
love you.”

Remus huffed, though he felt so happy on the inside that he thought he might actually die. “I
love you too, fy seren . Now please let me go so I can get your present.”

Sirius acquiesced, letting Remus duck down to grab the long brown package and set it back
down on his bed. The packaging left little to the imagination, and it was rather obvious what
was beneath the wrappings. Sirius’ jaw practically dropped. “Rem…did you really…?”

“I don’t know,” Remus said vaguely, shrugging. “You better open it.”

Sirius did open it, tearing at the paper until a brand new broom, identical to his recently
destroyed one, lay on the bed between them.

“Oh, Remus.”

“I know how much that broom meant to you. It was your freedom—freedom from your
family and everything they stood for and then it broke after you fell and I knew I wanted to
get you another one. You deserve to always be happy, and to be free from them and anything
else.”

“How did you…”

“Afford it?” Remus filled in. Sirius nodded. “Well, I’ve been doing a few odd jobs for my
neighbors during the summer, setting aside some savings for the future.” Remus shrugged.
“This seemed a just cause.”

Sirius launched himself at Remus, until he was practically in his lap, his arms tight around his
neck. “Thank you, love,” he murmured against his neck. “I am free now—I am always free
with you.”

“It’s no problem,” Remus whispered, pressing a kiss to Sirius’ hair. “When do I get my
present?”

Sirius pulled back with a snort. “Impatient.” He grabbed his wand and vanished the wrapping
paper beneath his broom, before summoning a book-sized object from the drawer of his
bedside table. “I suppose we should hurry up, though. James will throw a fit when he realizes
we’re missing.”

“He probably already knows.” Remus shrugged, taking the wrapped gift from Sirius’
outstretched hand and holding it in his lap a moment. Then he looked up, eyes filled with
mirth and lips quirked up in a small smile. “What if they think we’re shagging? And they’re
too scared to come upstairs and check?”

Sirius gaped at him a moment before breaking into loud laughter. “Oh, Moons, you’re
probably right. Poor dears. Think we ought to jump around on the bed a bit? Freak ‘em out?”

Remus stood up, then flopped back on the bed. They both giggled at the loud sound of
creaking bed springs. “Oh, they’ll be so disappointed when they realize we’ve never
shagged.”

Sirius bounced a few times, causing them both to let out another round of giggles. “I know.
How ever will we help poor Pete with his broom closet or dorm dilemma?”

“I don’t know. I suppose he’ll just never get a solid answer.” Remus grinned at him, then held
up the small package. “Got me a book, Pads?”

“Yep. Wrote it myself. It’s a 200-page love letter.” Sirius said, face straight. Remus raised his
eyebrows, and Sirius rolled his eyes. “It’s not a bloody 200-page love letter. Open it!”

When Remus opened it, he felt Sirius hadn’t been far from the truth. It was an album, every
page filled with photos from all seven of their years at Hogwarts, each picture with a little
description or funny memory scrawled out in Sirius’ neat handwriting—it was a love letter, in
a way.

“Sirius, I love it,” Remus murmured, fingers tracing over a photograph—it was from last
year, one Peter had taken (Remus knew because it was slightly shaky) and it showed Remus
laughing as James and Sirius bounded about the room, school ties around their heads and
shirts partly unbuttoned, probably singing.

“There’s empty pages in the back, so we can keep filling it.” Sirius gently flipped the pages
until he got to the last one that was filled (it was from their Halloween party last month,
Remus was giggling drunkenly and was letting himself be spun around by Sirius). “The year
isn’t over yet.”

“And then we’ve got the rest of our lives,” Remus said, fingers resting over Sirius’.

“We’ve got forever.”

“Hm, I’m going to need a lot more pages for forever ,” Remus said, smiling and leaning
towards Sirius.

“Good thing I can magically add pages.” Sirius leant into Remus, kissing him.

“I love you,” Remus sighed.

***

After finishing his third spiked eggnog drink, Remus was feeling comfortably buzzy, his
chest warm as he swayed along to the music. Sirius had dragged down his new record player
for the occasion, and had spent nearly half an hour carefully putting the records in the order
he wanted them to be played. Remus was quite sure he’d seen Mary and Lily rearranging
them earlier, but had decided to say nothing about it.
Remus set down his glass, trying to decide if he needed another drink or not (his foggy brain
was quite intent on another, just for the fun of it, but part of Remus was aware that he wanted
to avoid a hangover in the morning). He was staring at his glass, probably looking rather odd,
when Sirius caught sight of him from across the room.

“Remus!” Sirius hurried over to him. Remus tried to think of how many drinks Sirius had
had, but he couldn’t remember, especially not when Sirius leaned in and began to press little
kisses to his neck. “Where have you been? I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

Remus chuckled. “I’ve been here. How many drinks have you had?”

Sirius pulled back and scrunched up his nose as he thought, and Remus couldn’t help but lean
down and kiss it. “Can’t think if you’re kissing me,” Sirius mumbled. “Think I’ve had four .”
He dragged out the word, as if he wasn’t entirely sure it was true or not.

“Five!” said James, popping up beside them. He had a wide grin on his face, and had Lily
glued tight to his side.

“Five?” Remus repeated, not sober enough to connect the dots.

“Sirius has had at least five.”

“Six, actually, I think,” said Peter, appearing on Sirius’ other side. He sighed. “Drinking
makes me sad. I just, it makes me a little weepy, you know? Sirius was playing Fleetwood
Mac earlier and I cried a little. Do you know how it feels to listen to Fleetwood Mac drunk?
Absolutely fucking life changing. It’s like…so dreamy and…” Peter sniffled, and Lily peeled
herself away from James.

“Let’s go get you some water, yeah?”

“Alright.” Peter whispered, letting himself get led away.

“So, how was your afternoon?” James asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Our afternoon,” Sirius repeated, a wide grin on his face. “Brilliant. Moony gave me a
broom. I gave him the photo album, you know, the one we worked on, Jamie.”

“Pete thought you two were shagging,” James said, a little too loudly as he tried to speak
over the music.

“That’s what I said!” Remus gasped, then broke out into giggles. Sirius joined him, until they
were both laughing and clutching at each other.

“I want another one,” James said, once they’d quieted. He eyed the massive punch bowl of
eggnog behind Remus. “I don’t think I’m nearly drunk enough.”

“Same,” Sirius said wistfully. Remus took his wrists and carefully took him to one of the
couches. In front of them, Hestia and Marlene were jumping around to a Queen song playing
from the record player.
“I think you’re plenty drunk.”

“Boring.”

“You’ll thank me when you’re not throwing up tomorrow.” Remus raised one eyebrow,
challenging him, but Sirius merely shrugged, and cuddled into Remus’ chest.

“Alright.” Sirius was quiet for a moment, his hand snaking around Remus’ waist to stroke
over the skin just under the hem of his sweater. “Moony, can you hear your heart beating?” he
whispered. “I feel like I can hear mine, pounding.”

“Not really. You’re a bit of a lightweight, Pads.”

“I know,” Sirius groaned. “Moony?”

“Yes, love?”

“I like it when you call me that,” Sirius sighed. Remus moved so they were longways on the
couch, with Sirius still curled up around him.

“Is that what you were going to say?” Remus asked, amusement laced in his voice.

“Oh, no. I forgot what I—” Sirius stopped as a new song came on. “Ooh, Moons I love this
song!”

Perhaps in other circumstances Remus would claim he didn’t dance (he didn’t dance), but
Sirius was lovely and sweet and Remus felt fuzzy and unwilling to put up much of a fight.

He let himself be pulled off the couch and back into Sirius’ arms.

Ooh ooh ooh ooh

Ooh you take my breath away

Look into my eyes and you'll see

I'm the only one

Sirius was pliant in Remus’ arms, letting himself be led around the small rug in front of the
fireplace.

“Sirius, you know I have no idea what I’m doing right now, right?” Remus asked, after he
stepped on Sirius’ foot and he burst into a little fit of giggles.

“You’re doing wonderfully ,” Sirius pulled Remus closer to him, and laid his head on Remus’
shoulder. When he spoke again, Remus could feel the puffs of his breath against his neck.
“Remus? Did you know that I love you?”
Remus rolled his eyes and chuckled. “Yeah, you might have mentioned it.”

“Good, good. Can never say it too many times.”

Remus smiled into his hair and spun them around again, giggling when he stumbled and
almost fell over.

“Watch it, Lupin!” Marlene quipped, spinning by with Hestia in her arms.

“Careful, Moony.” Sirius held onto the tops of his arms, giggling along with him. “Are you
dizzy?”

“A bit,” Remus admitted, watching as the common room around him wavered just barely.

“Come, let’s go sit down.” Sirius disentangled himself and began pulling Remus towards his
favorite armchair.

“ No ,” Remus mumbled. “Let’s dance. Are you dizzy?”

“A little.” Sirius pulled Remus down onto his lap, ignoring his protests. “Cuddle me?”

I will find you

Anywhere you go

Right until the ends of the Earth

I'll get no sleep till I find you to

Tell you when I've found you

I love you

“What’s going to happen, Sirius?” Remus asked, just as the song finished and another began.

“What d’you mean?” Sirius mumbled. It was an uncharacteristically serious comment for
drunk Remus.

Remus turned to look at him, picking up his hand and dragging his fingers absentmindedly
over his nails, and the sparkly nail polish from the day before. “After school,” he spoke in a
whisper “with the war and with…with my mother and with us and—”

“Remus—”

“I’m scared.”
 “Remus, we’ve still got half of a year. A whole half year to pull pranks and have parties and
bother all the teachers. Then, after that,” he said, catching as Remus opened his mouth to
speak again. “ After that , we’ll get a flat together, just us two, if you’d like, and we can visit
Prongs and Mrs. Prongs whenever we like and Peter can come and stay and we can have
dinner parties and movie nights and it’ll be just the same, if only a little different.”

Remus was quiet, his light brown eyes boring into Sirius’ bright blue ones. “I’d like that. Can
we get a dog?”

“A dog.” Sirius repeated. “Like a…like an actual—”

“Sirius, love, I’m having you on,” Remus laughed then, eyes lighting up. “You’re more than
enough work.”

“Oi! Rude!” Sirius laughed too, and Remus leaned down to kiss him. “Remember two weeks
ago, when you fell asleep on this chair the night after the full and I woke you up for dinner? I
almost kissed you then.”

Remus hummed against him and pulled back a fraction. “I remember. Then you held my
hand all the way down to the Great Hall.”

Sirius glanced down at their hands, and threaded their fingers together. “I’d quite like to hold
your hand forever, if that’s alright with you.”

“You’ll hear no complaints from me, cariad . ”

Chapter End Notes

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