Chasi

ngl
i
ber
ty

(
1)
"She'
sal wayslate"Imuttert
omy sel
f.Myfeet
hurt,
its30degr eesout,andI'
mt ooannoyedt
o
bewai ti
nginthepar ki
nglotformymot her
.
"
Whyareyousti
l
lher
e?Isawy
ourmanbyt
he
f
oyer
"-Nondumi
so
"
Yousur
e?Mymom i
spi
cki
ngmeupt
oday
"-Me
"
Bye!
"-Nondumi
so
Iroll
myey es,andslowlymakemywayt othe
foyeratmywor kplace.Tr
uetoherwor d,
Isee
hiscarbeforeIevenspothim.HistackyGolfR,
withthepersonali
zednumberplate.Gosh!Why
thevrrrpahthough?
Imakemywayt
othepassengersi
deandopen
thedoor
.
Wai
t,whati
sNondumi
sodoi
ngi
nmyseat
?
Ubhal
euf
our
,nogal
!
Herheadisburieddeepi
nhiscrotch,andhis
handstuggi
ngonherhairisnotgivi
ngmeany
ki
ndofpeace.Theylookatmesi multaneousl
y,
shockandfearconsumehisface,whilstahuge
gri
nisplast
eredonhers.
"
Iwasjusttel
l
ingThabi
t hatweshoul
dmake
t
hisapart
yandletyoujoinin"
Myl evelofcalmnessi sshocki ng, butIknowmy
heartnol ongerlivesinmychest ,becauseI 'm
numbt othecor e.Ismi l
esl i
ghtlyasIsear ch
throughmybagandf indwhatI 'ml ookingf or.I
takemykeysanddeci det heyneedt omake
contactwi t
hhi snewpai ntjob.Ikeyt heshitout
ofhiscar, whil
ehet r
iest ofranticall
yputhi s
j
unki nhispant s,li
terall
y.Ican' tshedat ear,I
refusetocr yforay ell
ow, narcissisticmor on.
"Baby"hejumpsoutofhiscar.Il
ooki
ntohi
s
eyes,andforasecondIsensesomeremorse,
butthatsoontur
nstorage.Hepinsmeagainst
hi
scarandci
rcl
eshi
shandsar
oundmyneck.
"
Whatdoy
out
hinky
ou'
redoi
ng?
"
Her
ewego!
"Thispaintj
obwasmor et hanyourmont
hly
salary"l
apho,he'
sri
ght.Ionlygetpai
d5ka
mont h.Call
centerwoes!
"
Fff
f.
..
uuu"het
ight
enshi
sgr
ip.
"
Car
ryon,
byal
lmeans"
"Youshouldbethanki
ngherbaby,
she'
staki
ng
careofme, soIdon'
tgetcr
ankywhenI
'm
aroundyou."
"
Whaaaaaat
?"
"Yes,
youcan'
tbeangry.Youdon'twannagi
ve
mesome, youcan'
tser
iousl
yexpectmet or
ely
oncoldshowersandmyr i
ghthand"
Thi
sguy.Heletsgoofmewhenheseesmy
mother
'scarapproachi
ngandparkbehi
ndhim.
Mymom hoot sandwav esathi
m.Helooksat
meandmout
hs"
Come"
Iwal
kwithhi
mtomommy
'scarandshesmi
l
es
whensheseesme.
"
Hell
o,baby.I
'
m sosor
ry,
I'
ml at
e.Iwas
i
nvi
gil
ati
ng"mymom isateacher.
Herespondsf
ir
st."
It
'sokayma,Icametopi
ck
herupanyway
.Ihaveaspecial
datepl
annedfor
us"
"
Thabi
,musty
oubet
hisr
omant
ic?
"-Mom
Izoneoutwhi l
etheycatchupandatt
hatpoi
ntI
real
ize,
there'
sanotherwomaninmyman'scar!
I'
m notgoinganywherewitht
hismonst
er!
"Act
ual
l
y,babeIreal
lyj
ustwantedt
ogohav
ean
earl
yni
ght,
I'
m superti
red.
"-me
"Hhay
iZinhl
e,t
hepoorboyhasplanned
somethi
ngforyou.Ungangi
phoxi
tu"-Mom
gosh,mymom'sobsessi
onwit
hthi
sguy.She
fi
nall
ysawherdaught
eri
nasomewhatseri
ous
rel
ati
onshi
pwit
hasuccessf
ulguyt
hathasno
ki
ds.Iwasdonewithbeingadi sappointmentto
mymom.Acoupl eofslapsher eandt herewere
normali
neveryr
elat
ionship,r
ight?Hisjealousy
i
sonlybecausehereal
lylovesmeandhe' sa
passi
onat
eperson.
"
Baby
,Iwashopi
ngy
ou'
dsl
eepov
er"-
Thabi
"Oh,yes.I
tseemslikeyoukidshaveaspeci
al
eveningpl
anned,andbesides,Thabi
li
vesmuch
closertoyourworcank.
"-Mom
"
Okay
,Il
ovey
oumom.
"-me
Sheblowsmeaki ssandreversesoutofher
parki
ngspace.Ilookatthi
sguyt hathasmy
hearti
nt hepal
m ofhishands,buthechooses
tostabitever
ychanceheget s.Imakemyway
tohiscar,andopenthebackdoorandj umpin.
Yup,I
'm sit
ti
nginthebackseatofmy
boyfr
iend'
scar,becausehissidechickis
occupyingthefr
ontseat.Idon'thavetheenergy.
Idon'
thav etheenergyt
odoany thi
ng.I'
m numb.
Hejumpsi nthecarandseemst obeunf azed.
[
04/
17,
14:
30]Wdz:
[2]

Wearri
veathishousei
nLaLuci
a.Yes,
the3of
us.I
t'
sajoke!
Het
akesmyhandbaganddi
sar
mst
heal
arm as
t
hel
ight
sgoon.
"
Wow, Thabi.Yourpl
acelooksi
ncr
edi
ble,
your
i
nter
iordecorisamaze"
Ismil
etomy self
,asIthi
nkabouthowIsl
aved
endl
essl
ypickingtheper
fectpi
ecesf
orever
y
i
nchofthi
shouse.
Imakemywayupst ai
rs,
intohi
sroom andjust
j
umpintobed.Iunl
ockmyphone, andbef
oreI
knowit
.Hepull
sbothmyl egsandfli
psmeov er
.
"
So,you'
ret
ell
i
nghi
m aboutourl
i
ttl
esi
tuat
ion?
"
Hesaysangr
il
y.
"
Iaskedy
ouabl
oodyquest
ion!
"
Ij
ustst
areatt
hecei
l
ingasIant
ici
pat
ewhat
'
s
t
ocome.
"
We'vegonemute,
Isee.Ihav
esomet
hingt
hat
wi
ll
makey out
alk"
Hegrabsmyphoneandpagest hr
oughi t
vi
gorously.I'
m cal
m, becauseIknow, i
m beyond
f
aithf
ultot hi
sasshole,andther
e'snothingto
f
ind.Heconst antl
ymakesupst oriesabouthow
I
'm sl
eepingwi t
hmybossesandcol leagues,
I
'veali
enatedmy selffr
om anymal e,i
t'
sjusttoo
muchadmi n.
Hedoesn'tf
indanythi
ng(obviousl
y)sohe
thr
owsmyphoneagai nstthewal l
.That
'sthe
3rdoneonein2mont hs,Ithi
nktomy sel
f.I'
m
sil
entandwouldn'
tdareutt
erawor d.
"
Baby
,youknowIl
ovey
our
ight
?"
Inod
"
Ilov
eyoumorethanlif
eit
sel
f"hemov esand
makeshi
swaytowardsme.Ijerkbackwar
ds
t
owardst
heheadboard.
"Don'
tmind,Nondumiso.Sheknowsyou'
rethe
onlywomanf orme,andshe'
sagreedtot
ake
careofmysexualneeds,whil
eIwaitf
oryouto
beready
"-Thabi
Il
aughsar
cast
ical
l
y,andheshoot
smeal
ook.
"Thabiso,Ican'
tdot
hisanymore.Imaynotbe
perfect,
butIneedmore.Ideser
vemore"-me
Hecli
mbsontopofmeandhel
ooksatme
i
ntent
lywi
thhi
sgl
ossyey
es.
"Thabiso,l
et'
sjustgoonabr eak,j
ustforali
ttl
e
whi..
"BeforeIfini
sh, hecoversmymout hwi
th
hisown, andheki ssesmev iol
ent
ly,bit
ingmy
l
ipinthepr ocess.Hel i
cksthespecklesof
bloodonmyl owerlip,andhesmilesatme.
"
Come,
Iwannashowy
ousomet
hing"
Hecarri
esmebr i
dalst
yleandmakeshi sway
downstair
s.Ispotcandlesordainedi
nt heli
vi
ng
room l
eadingtooneofhi scustom madet hr
one
chai
rs.Iguesshewant stodosomet hing
romanti
ct oapologize.Whymusthepull
atmy
heart
str
ingslikethis?Hegent
lypl
acesmeon
thechai
randpl antsasoftki
ssonmyt empl
e.
Thenhedi sappears.
Ihearhi
sf ootst
epsapproachi
ngagainandI
canfeelhim behi
ndme.Hi scolognef
il
lst
heai r
,
andthehairsatthebackofmyneckst andup
ashemakescont actwi
thmyar ms.Heplaces
handcuff
sonmyhands, andIwonderwhatsi ck
j
okethisis.Thabihasaflai
rforthedr
amatics.
"Baby ,you'
renotreadyt obei nt
imat
e,andI
respectt hat
.I'
m al otofthings,
butI'
m nota
rapist.I'
m amant hough,andIneedtobet aken
careof ,butIdon'twantt ocheatonyou,soI
haveasol ut
ion.Inev erwanttothi
nkabout
anot herwomanwhi l
eIreleasemyload,soI
wanty outobepr esent"
Il
ookatthisman,thati
sclear
lydel
usi
onalin
searchofanexpl
anati
on.ThenIseeher,
str
utti
nginfr
ontofme,inli
ngeri
eThabibought
forme.Ili
ckmyl ipsastheygetwetfr
om the
tear
sstreamingdownmyf ace.Mysil
entcri
es
aremetwi thhersarcast
icgi
ggles,
asshelooks
atmeindi sgust
.
"Gi
rl
,I
'm doi
ngyouaf
avorhere.Atleasty
ou'
l
l
knowwhoy ourmani
ssleepi
ngwi t
h"-
Nondumiso
"
Baby
,youknowIhat
etoseey
oucr
y"-Thabi
Hekneel
sbef
oremeandt
ugsatmyhai
r.
"
Nowshutup!
"-Thabi
Ibi
temyalreadybrui
sedl
i
p,asIf
eel
myi
nsi
des
bur
ningandturni
ngtomush.
Het urnshisattenti
ontoNondu, andtheystart
kissi
ngpassi onatel
y.Ishutmyey es,becauseI
can'thonestlywatchthis!Buthermoansar e
tooloudtoi gnore.Iopenmyey esslowly,and
he'sstari
ngatme, andcall
ingherbymyname.
Say i
nghowmuchhe' simagini
ngmemaki ng
thosemoans.I nev eryt
hinghedoeswi thher,
ev
enthr
ought
hei
rfel
l
ati
osessi
on,
hisey
esar
e
pl
ant
edonme.
Afterwhatseemsl ikeali
feti
meofmoansand
groans,he'
scat chi
nghisbreathaft
erhi
sclimax.
She'ssprawledoutont hePersianr
ug.Icl
ose
mybur ningeyes,andsqueezeoutthelastof
mygal l
onoft earsthatI
'v
ecried.
Hegetsupandwal kst
owar
dsme,naked,
and
takesof
fthecondom.Hecomesar
oundme
anduncuff
sme.
I
'm stuckont hatchai
r,asifI
'vegrownr oot
s
i
ntoit.Hecar ri
esmeupst air
sandpl acesmeon
thebed, atthi
spointI
'm azombi e.Il
ethimtake
offmycl othesandclosemyey esashepulls
thecov ersoverme.Hej umpsintohissideand
pull
smecl osertohi
m.
I
'm br
oken,hebrokeme,andhowwi
l
lIputmy
pi
ecestogetheragai
n?
[
04/
17,
14:
29]Wdz:
[3]
IgetoutofbedassoonasIt hi
nkit'
smorning.I
haven'tsl
eptawi nk,
andIj ustwanttogetout
ofhere.Imakemywayt otheensuit
ebathroom
andlockt hedoorbehindme.Imakemywayt o
thelargeshower,andopent hedoorandr unthe
waterwhi l
eItakeoffmyunder wear.Iswall
owa
l
umpi nmyt hr
oat,Ican'tcryanymore.I
t'
s
physical
lyimpossibl
e.
Igeti
ntheshower
,andmyl
egsf
ail
me.
Iendupsobbi
ngont
hef
loorandzoneout
.
I
'm wokenupbycoldwat ercascadingdownmy
backandshoutsf
rom theot hersideofthe
bathr
oom door
.Iguessitwasn' tadream.
"
Baby
,atl
eastt
ell
mey
ou'
reokay
."-
Thabi
"
I'
mfi
ne!"Iscr
eam back.Ist
andupandt ur
noff
t
hewater,
andstepouttheshower.Igr
aba
t
owel
andwal ktowardsthehisandher
smi r
ror
s.
"
Shi
t"Il
ookl
i
keat
rai
nwr
eck.My30i
nch
Mongoliancurl
saresoaked,myl
ight
complexionhastur
nedredonmyf ace,the
brui
sesonmyneckar ereall
yevi
dent,andI
can'
tevenbeginwithmypuffyeyes.
Ti
mef
orsomemot
ivat
ion!
Il
ookint
entl
yint
othemi r
rorandmutt
er"you
ar
ebeauti
ful
,youarestr
ong,youar
e..
"I'
m
i
nter
rupt
edbyanotherknock.
"
Baby
,pl
ease.
"-Thabi
Idrymybodyandl oti
on,thenwr apat owel
aroundmybodyandmyhai r
.Iwal ktowar dsthe
door,andbreatheindeeply,bracingmy sel
f.I
fi
ndhi m onthefl
oorinhisbr i
efs.Hej umpsup
whenhespot smeandembr acesmei nawar m
hug.Forasecond, inhisarms, Iforget.Iclose
myey esandt akei
nhi sscent,butIsmel lher.
Andt henIremember .
.
[
04/
17,
14:
30]Wdz:
[4]
Ipul
lawayandl
ookatt
hebr
eakf
astspr
eadon
t
het
rayt
hat
'sonmysi
deoft
hebed.
"Iwant
edtogiveyoubr
eakf
asti
nbed,
butI
guessIfai
l
ed"Thabi
Inod, andmakemywayt othewalki
ncl oset.I
parouset hroughmyclothesinhi
scloset,that'
s
he'
sspoi ledmewi t
hthroughoutour1y ear
rel
ati
onshi p.Hmmm, ouranniver
saryi
snext
mont h!.
Isettl
eonat urt
leneckblackjerseydressthat
hitsbel
owt heknees.It
'sal i
ttl
esnug,soithugs
myhour gl
assshape, perfectl
y.Itakemyblack
gladi
atorheels,
withthegol dbucklesandwalk
out.
"
Eatbaby
,pl
ease"Thabi
Iwalkovertothebedandstartt
onibble.He
madeallofmyf avor
it
es,Bel
gianwaffl
es,
whippedcream,chocol
atechi
ps,cappuccino,
st
rawberri
es,younameit.
Hesmi
l
esasIi
nvol
unt
ari
l
ymoanwi
thev
erybi
te.
Hehandsmeani Phone7box
,looksnew.I
openi
t,andfindawadofcashstuff
edinsi
de.
Hmm, surpr
isesurpr
ise!
"Thephonei
sinthechar
ger
,Iwantt
obeabl
eto
gethol
dofyou"Thabi
"
Thanks"-Me
Hetri
est
obr
ushmycheckwi
thhi
sthumb,
butI
pul
laway
.
"
Uhmm, i
sVuy
ani
around?Idon'
twannabe
l
ate.
"-Me
Vuy
ani
isThabi
'
sdr
iver
.
"
Iwast
hinki
ng,
I'
ll
takeaqui
ckshoweranddr
op
y
ouoff
"
Iknewbett
erthantoargue,Ist
il
lhav
eal otof
magict
owor kwithmymakeupt oconcealmy
puff
yeyes,Ican'
taf
for
dt ohavebrui
sesaswell.
Herantot heshower,whi
l
eImademywayto
myv ani
ty.Iappl
iedmymakeupandwhenIwas
done,hewaswal kingi
nhist
owel
,wat
er
dri
ppingonhisabs.Il
ookedathi
mt hroughthe
mirr
or,andhatedt
heloveIst
il
lpossessedfor
thi
sman.
Hedroppedmeoffatwork,
andonl
ydr
oveof
f
onceIopenedt
heentr
ancedoor
.
Iworkatacall centr
e,andIcan'ti
magine
speaki
ngto500di ff
erentst
ranger
stoday,l
et
aloneseethatwi t
chNondumi so.SoImakean
executi
vedecision.I
'm done
[
04/
17,
14:
30]Wdz:
[5]
Itur
naroundast
her
ecept
ioni
stcal
l
smyname,
gosh!
"
Hey
,canIgetapenandsomepaper
?"-Me
Shehandsi tt ome, andIscri
bble2lines.Yup,
myr esignationl et
terwil
lgodownast he
shortestinhi story,
andIdon'tcare.Ilaughat
thepatheticexcuseofal ett
er,andathowl i
tt
leI
careaboutany t
hingatthi
sv er
ymoment .
Theweat
heri
smuggy
,butIneedt
hef
reshai
r
asIwalkfrom mywor kbuildinginUmhl anga,
to
Gateway.I
'mtakingmysweetol dtime,andby
thetimeIgetthere,i
t'
sgoingf or10am.I
decideonTasha's.I'
m seatedatani nt
imate
cornert
ableandst ar
tmypi typarty
.
It
's17:
45andIhaven'
tl
eftthisrestaur
ant
,I'
ve
j
ustbeenorderi
ngonecocktail
afteranot
her,
andthey'
rest
art
ingt
ogettomyhead.
Thedi
nnerRushiscomi
ngt hr
ough,
andi
t'
s
Fri
day
,soit
'sget
ti
ngpacked.
Imakemywaytot
hel
oo,
andf
indgoodl
ooki
ng
guywai
ti
ngi
nli
ne.
"
Wow, I
'
m notevengoingtogi
vey
ouapi
ckup
l
i
ne.You'
regorgeous"-guy
"
Thanky
ou"Ibl
ush
"
Iwon'
tev
enaskforyourname,
Ijustwantt
his
momentt
oadmir
ey ou"-
guy
Okay,t
hesecocktai
l
sar
emaki
ngmesmi
l
e
widert
hanusual.
Heletsmei nfir
st,andhe'
sabr eat
hoffreshair
,
I'
vebeensoobl i
vioustot
heoppositesex,but
nowI'm si
ngle.Well,
Thabidoesn'
tknowy et
,but
Iam.
I'
m seatedbackatmyt abl
e,andIhave32
missedcalls,4voicemessages,
and13texts
fr
om Thabi .That
'smoti
vati
onenoughtoorder
anotherround.
[
04/
17,
14:
31]Wdz:
[6]
Thewai t
ercomesbackandt el
l
sme" bathroom
guy"want smynumber .Shepoint
smeathi s
dir
ecti
on, i
tshim.Wi t
ht hemostamazingsmi le.
Onlyit
'snotforme, hehasacompani on.A
femalecompani on,andt her
eare2kids,around
7/8andt heylookidentical
.Whil
eanalyzi
ngmy
"bat
hroom guy "I
'm bl
indedbytheplati
num ring
onhisfinger.
Gr
eat
!
I
'
m 7cocktai
l
sin,andI
'
m done.Beingsoberi
sa
t
hingoft
hepast,
andIfeel
my sel
fgett
ing
dr
owsy
.
Shi
t!
Amessageal
ertcomest
hrough.
Thabi-"
Gett
hef
vckoutoft
hatr
est
aur
ant
,I'
m
outsi
de"
I'
m honest lysurpr isedhehasn' talreadybar ged
i
nanddr aggedmebymyhai r.He'sdonei tonce
afteranar gumentov ermechangi ngmy
passwor donmyphoneandat extfrom some
guyatwor k.Wewer eatabr aaiathisfri
end' s
house, Ireali
zedt hathewasr eall
yangr ysoI
l
ef thi m outsidewi thhi sbuddy '
sandwent
i
nsi det ocool offint hel oo.Iwasst i
ll
staringat
myr eflecti
oni nt hemi rrorwhenhepushedt he
dooropenandchar gedatme.Ist i
llhavea
smal l scaronmyneckf rom hisstronggript hat
night .Het hrewmeagai nstthetoil
etbowl and
event uallygrabbedachunkofmyboxbr aids
anddr aggedmeout side.Ikickedandscr eamed
andcr iedmyl ungsoutwhi lehisfriends
pretendedt obeobl ivi
oust owhatwasgoi ngon.
Isleptinthecart hatday ,becausehewentback
tothebr aaiandl ockedmei nthecol dcar.I
witnessedasl ueofgi r
lswalkpastt hecar
wear i
ngcl osetonot hing.Thabionlycameback
tothecarat04: 40am.Appar entl
yIupsethi m
soheneededt odistracthimselfwithhi s
fri
ends.Irememberhowhesmel l
edofcheap
perfume, butIwoul dn'tall
owmy selftobelieve
thathedi dany t
hing.Hel ovedme.I nhi ndsightI
wasr eall
ynai v
e!
Ihuff
,asmythought
sareint
errupt
edbyt he
soundofsomeoneclear
ingtheirt
hroat
.
"
Bathr
oom guy
"Isayasmyl
i
pscur
vei
ntoa
f
li
rt
ati
oussmil
e.
Hechuckl
esandl
ooksatmeint
ent
ly."i
t'
sSi
ya,
andI
'dli
ketot
akeyouhome"
Me-"
Wil
lIhav
etosi
tint
hebackwi
tht
heki
ds?
"
Helaughsl
oudl
ythi
stimeandsi
tsdown.Igul
p
downtheremai
nderofmydri
nk,
andsignalf
or
thewaiter,
Iint
endonhavingjustonel
astround.
This"Siy
a"hasotherpl
ans,becausehetakes
charge.Hepaysmybi l
landhelpsmestand,I
can'tdoitonmyown.
IspotThabi
'
scaratthecor
nerofmyeyeandI
tr
yrunni
ngintheopposi
tedi
rect
ion.
Siy
apul l
smeandt hr
owsmeov erhisshoulder
.
Aslifewouldhaveit,
Thabi
waspar kedright
behindSiya'
scar.Hetri
esmarchi
ngov ertous,
butwehadal readyspedof
finSiya'
smer c.
[
04/
17,
14:
31]Wdz:
[7]
Iwakeupt othesoundofmyphonev iolentl
y
vi
brati
ngont hebednextt ome.Ir eluctantly
openoneey eli
d,andseet hemonst er'sname
pl
asteredont hescreen.Ihuffatthethrobbing
pai
ncomi ngfr om myhead, andtheSahar a
desertthatismyt hroat.It
rylevelmy selfup
wit
hmyel bows, andmoanatt hediscomf or
t.I
openbot hmyey esthisti
me, andthat'swheni t
hi
tsme.Wher eam I?
Ilookaround,
pani
cki
ng.Iwanttomove,butI
feell
ikeI'
mjolt
edt
othisbed,Icanbar
elyf
eel
mybody .
Ihearabeepi
ngsoundcomingfrom t
hedoor,
i
ndicat
ingsomeone'
sent
rance,
andIquickl
y
covermysel
f.
Hel ooksf r
eshandcl ean,
inhisblackBurberr
y
golfT, Di
eselJeans,andGucci sl
ops.Idon't
evenr eal
izeI'
m star
inguntil
Ihearhim cl
earhis
thr
oat .
Il
ookawayandpul
lti
ghteronthecov
ers.Let
meaddresst
heel
ephantintheroom.
Me-" DidyouandI .
.Uhmm. .Youknow.
.Like
have.."Iconti
nueexplai
ningusi
nghand
gestures,atthi
spointhelooksamusedandjust
burstsintolaught
er.I
nasecondhe'sseri
ous
again.Hewal kstowardsthebedandsit
satthe
edge.
Hi
m-"
Trustme,
you'
dfeel
itbabe"
Hel
aughs.
"So,Igotyousomeclothestowearf
ornow,
I'
m
sureyouwoul dn'
twanttodothewal
kof
shame."-him
Hi
svoi
cesoundsl
i
kesi
l
k!
Ismil
eandnod,afteray
earofbeingdev ot
edto
anunappr
eci
ati
vepr i
ckl
ikeThabi
,Iforgotall
howtocommuni catewi
ththeopposit
esex.I'm
afi
shoutofwater.
Him-"Sot
oday,youdon'
tspeak?Don'
ttel
lme
you'
reonl
yinducedbyal
cohol"
Ismi
l
e,andshakemyhead.Whycan'
tIspeak?
Him-"Well
,It
houghtmaybeyou'
dliket
ograba
showerandgetdressed,
andI'
l
ldropyouoffat
workorschool.
"
Me-"
Homepl
ease"
Hi
m-"
Bunki
ng?
"
Me-"Iqui
tmyj
oby
est
erday
"
Ishrugmyshoulder
s.Hiseyesmov etomy
vi
brati
ngphone,andtakesalookatthescr
een.
Heshakeshishead,thentel
lsmetohurryupas
heleavesandcl
osest hedoorbehi
ndhim.
Jeal
ous?ButIdon'
tev
enknowhi
m!
Hebar gesinagai
nasIputonmyshoes.He
mar chesoverandtakesmyhandbag,
andthe
plasti
cbagshebr oughtwi
thhi
m.IguessI
shouldfol
lowhim out?
Itakemyt i
metoanal y
zehimf rom behind.He'
s
taki
nglongstr
ides,andI'
m barelykeepingup.
Hisbroadshoulder
s,cutel
it
tlebut,his
mesmer izi
ngwalkandhiscolognehasme
foll
owingbehi
ndhiml i
kehe'sthepiedpi per
.
I
'm getti
ngallkindsofstaresfr
om peopl einthe
l
obbyoft hehot el
.TheyprobablythinkI
'm his
mistress,hi
splatinum r
ingishardtomi ss.Il
ag
behindhim,soi t'
snotsoobv i
oust hatI
'
m wi t
h
hi
m becauser ightnowI '
m consumedbyshame.
Hecomest oahal taheadofmet hencomes
towar
dsmeandint
ert
winesmyf
inger
sinhi
s
andsays"
don'
tbeshy
"
Ij
ustpullof
fmybestfakesmi l
eandwalkout
handinhandwit
hhi m.Hi
sf i
rm gr
ipwoul
dn'
t
haveall
owedanotheropt
ion.
Inthecar ,hekeepsst eali
ngglancesatme, I
'
m
tryi
ngnott opayat t
enti
ont ohim,becauseI'm
stil
ltryi
ngt opiecetogetherthepiecesfrom last
night.Iwonderi fSiyanoticedanythi
ng
regardingThabi .Ineedtomakesur ethatIdon't
bumpi ntoThabi anyti
mesoon, orI'm pr
etty
suret hathe'l
lhav emef orsupper.
Icanbar el
ykeepmyey esopen,
thet hr
obbing
paincomi ngfrom myheadandthenauseaI '
m
experi
encinghasmesay ingasi
lentprayer
.
"Lordpleasedon'tl
etmepukealloverthi
s
beigeinteri
or"
Ican'
tbel
iev
eIwassor eckl
ess.Iwenthome
withamarri
edstr
anger
!Hecoul dn'
tevenspend
theni
ght,
becauseheprobabl
yhadt ogoback
tohi
sfamil
y.IguessIshouldber el
i
evedt
hathe
didl
eavemealonethough,it
'sjustt
hat
somethi
ngabouthimjustfeelsli
kehome.
Imusterupt
hecour
aget
ofi
nal
l
ybr
eakt
he
si
lence.
Me-"
whydi
dn'
tyouj
ustt
akemehomel
ast
ni
ght
?"
Siy
a-"youcouldbarel
ytal
k,l
etal
onewalk,and
yousaidsomet hi
ngaboutst
ayi
ngwithyour
mom.It houghtitwoul
dhavebeen
i
nappropri
ateifyouwenthomeinthatst
ate."
Me-"soy
ouj
ustbookedmear
oom andl
eft
,
r
ight
?"
Hechuckl
es,
andi
t'
sasar
cast
icl
augh.
Siy
a-"soyoureall
ydon'tremember?WellIgot
youintheroom andasIwasaboutt ol
eav e,
you
sprungont
omei njustyourunder
wear
,you've
gotgoodtastebytheway ."
Iswal
l
owt
hel
umpi
nmyt
hroat
sandbi
teont
o
myl
i
pthat
'snowt
rembl
i
ng.I
'
m sohumi
l
iat
ed.
Siy
a-"l
uckil
yforyou,I'
m nott
hatguy .Iwould
l
ikeyoutobesoberf orourfi
rstsexual
encount
er.Feelever
ycaress,everyl
ick,ev
ery
thr
ust.
"
Me-"
okayIt
hinkIgeti
t!ButIdoubtt
her
ewil
l
ev
erbeanextti
me,Idon'tdomarri
edmen.
"
Thatlastst
atementseemstobri
nghi
m backto
real
i
ty,becausehe'
sseri
ousagai
ninasecond.
Siya-"asIwassay ing.Youthenaskedmet o
comet obedwi thyou,youstart
edsobbing
uncont r
ollablysoIobl i
ged.Youaskedmet o
holdy ou,andIdi d.Everyti
meI '
dtrytogetout
ofthebed, you'dti
ghtenyourgripsoIwai t
ed
foryout of al
lasleepthenonlydidIleave.I
fyou
wer emi ne,at earwouldneverfall
downt hat
prettyface.Notwhi l
eI'
m sti
llbr
eathi
ng."
Hi
slastwordssendchi l
l
sdownmyspineasI
t
hinkoft
hepossibil
i
ties.Isi
nki
ntomyseatand
j
ustadmir
et hef
inespecimennextt
ome.He
keepssteal
i
ngglancesatmeandIreal
i
zet
hat
we'vebeendri
vi
ngaroundinci
rcl
es.
Hefi
nall
ypull
soveri
nasecl udedareaand
l
ooksatme.Hescansev er
yi nchofmybody,
andItr
yt opl
ayi
tcool
,butthismani s
undr
essingmewithhi
sdarkbr owney es.
Him-"I
'v
ebeendrivi
ngaroundincir
cles,
becauseIdon'
twantreal
it
ytokickinyet.Iwant
tobeinyourpr
esencejustali
tt
lewhilel
onger.
ButIneedyoutotal
ktome, okay?"
Iswal
lowhar d,andbegin"I'
m Zinhle,Il
ivein
Westvi
ll
e,I'
m sorryyouhadtodeal withmy
i
ntoxi
catedselflastni
ght.I
'
m goingt hrough
somethings.Ijusthopeyoudidn'tgetinto
tr
oubl
ewi t
ht hewi f
e."
Het akesadeepbreat
hinandsli
ght
lyshakes
hishead,t
hentur
nshisatt
enti
onbackont he
road.
[
04/
17,
14:
32]Wdz:
[8]
Ourwayhomei sfil
ledwithli
ghtchat
ter
.Hi
s
companionfrom t
hepr ev
iousdaywashissi
ster
andherkids.Ii
nvol
untari
lysmil
edwhenhetold
methis,
Ithinkheev ennoti
ced.
Hest ill
hasn' tconfir
mednordeni edhismar i
tal
stat
us, butatt heendoft heday ,i
t'
snoneofmy
business, I
'vegotmyownbaggager i
ghtnow.
Thel astthingt hatshoul dbeonmymi ndisa
man.Thabi wasev ery t
hingIwant edandmor e
whenIf i
rstmethi m, andweal l
knowhowt hat
managedt ot urnout .Ther e'
sjustsomet hing
aboutSi yat hought hatmakesmef eelsafe.Call
mecr azy,butIf eelsaferar oundthisstranger
thenIev erdi dwi t
hThabi ,butIknowbet terthan
tokeepmyhopesup.Hei smarriedafterall,
andbyt hewayhi sringisi ndebtedintohis
fi
ngeri tsuggest sthathe' sbeenhi tchedfor
quit
eawhi l
e.
Igoredwithembarrassmentwhenmymi nd
wondersoffandthi
nksaboutmejumpingon
hi
m whileweari
ngnexttonothi
ng.Iwonderi
f
heli
kedwhathesaw.Not
hat
'st
hef
urt
hest
thi
ngthatshoul
dbeonmymi
nd.

Allofmyt houghtshav econsumedmymi ndso

mucht hatIdidn'
tr eal
izet hatwe'
rejusta
coupleofmet ersawayf rom myhome.Tot ell
thetruth,
I'
m alit
t l
edisappoi nt
edthathedidn'
t
atleastaskmeoutt ol unch,butt
hewayt hat
he'
ssuchagent lemanmakesmeev enmor e
att
ractedtohim.
Ast hecarslowlycomest oahal t,Itaketimeto
assesst hisf
inespecimennextt ome.Hehasa
mat ur
el ooktohim, hi
smochaski ntone, hi
s
pit
chbl ackhairwit
hspecksofgr eysuggest
he'sinhislatethi
rt
ies.He'snotcut ebecause
thatwoul dbejuvenil
e,buthe'
shandsomeand
defini
telyoozeschar i
sma.Theai risfil
l
edwi th
sil
ence, hi
shazeleyespiercethroughmi neas
ourheadscl osethegapbet weenus.
Ourl ipsf i
nallytouch, andIswearIseest ars!
Heki ssesmesl owl yatf irstasi fhe'swai ti
ng
forassur ancef rom me, andsoIgi veitt ohim.I
openmymout h, andal lowhi st onguet odance
withmi ne.Het astesofpepper mi nt,andhi s
aftershav et i
cklest hehai rsi nmynose, he
smel lssogood!Ourki ssdeepensaswemoan
andgr oanunderourbr eat hs.Hi shandsmake
theirwayt omybr east sandst arttodr aw
patternsov ermydr ess.Hi sgent lepat ternsturn
tosqueezi ng, myni pplesi mmedi at
elyr espond
andhar denathi st ouch, whi lehisot herhand
makesi t
swaydownsout h.Whyi smybody
decei vingmel iket his?Hegr owl swhenhi s
handmeet smywet nessandIt ravelmyhand
overt ohi scr otch.Whoah, wher edoesi tend?
Mybodyt i
nglesal lov er,thenatt hecor nerof
myey e, Iseet hepl atinum bandonhi sf i
nger
andI '
m br oughtbackt or eality.Imaybemany
thi
ngs, butI '
m notaboutt obet heot herwoman
will
ingly ,soIcomposemy selfandgett hehel l
out
ofhi
scar
,andr
unt
henextcoupl
eofmet
ers
home.

Thankful
lymom isn'
thome,becauseI'
m not
readyforthe21quest
ionsandthe
disappoi
ntmentonherfaceaft
erItel
lherthatI
quitmyjob.
Il
ockmy selfinmyr oom,andfinal
lymour nthe
deathofmyr elat
ionshi
p.Ibawl,unti
lmyl oud
cri
esbecomesof tsobs.Myv oiceishoarse,
andmyphonehasn' tst
oppedringing.Ihave
dozensoftextsfrom Thabiandothernumber sI
don'
trecognize.

Wel l
thisiswhathedoeswhenhe' smessedup.
Heget ssomeofhi smarri
edf r
iendstocalland
textmeandt el
lmehowast rongwoman
doesn'tbreak.HowIshouldbepat i
entand
persevereandhowi twi
ll
bewor t
hitintheend.
Somet i
mest heyevengosof arastoplaythe
gui
ltcardonme,t
ell
ingmehowdepr
essed
Thabiisandi
fhetookhi
sli
fe,
I'
dbet
oblame.

Al otoft hetimes,that'
sbeenmyr easonfor
reconci l
i
ngwi t
hhim.He' dthreatentokil
l
himsel fandt el
leveryoneit'
sbecauseIcheat ed,
andsi nceIknowt hatThabi actsbeforehe
thi
nks, I'
v ebeli
evedallofthet hr
eats.Nottoday
though, thedamagehe' sdonet omeandmy
prideandev enmyconf i
dencewi llt
akeyearsto
full
yrepai r.

Istr
ipandlookatmyr efl
ect
ioninthemirr
or,I
almostgaveThabi mybody,buthehumili
ated
mei namill
iondif
ferentway
s, andIal
mostjust
l
aymymor alsdownbyt her
iversi
defora
marriedst
ranger!
Iessent
ial
l
ynolongerhaveajobbecauseof
Thabi
,andIhav
etostartal
lov
eragain.
Ilaybackonmybed, andt hinkofagamepl an,
I'
m a22y earoldunempl oyed, si
nglev i
rgin,wit
h
nodegr ee.Thet hi
ngi s, Ineverreallywas
excitedaboutany thi
ngIst udied,henceI '
v e
started3di f
ferentdegr eeswi thi
nthel ast3
years.IdidaBcom, asemest erlat
erIcame
backhome.Thef oll
owi ngy ear,Icommi t
ted
my selftopsychol ogy, andaf teray earoft hat
,I
j
ustwasn' tfeelingchal lenged.Sol astlyI
decidedt ogobackanddoaBSci nMar ine
Biology,Idon'tknowwhatpossessedmet here,
becauseI '
m notaf anofany thi
ngthatr esidesin
wat er.

Soher eIam, mymom isdrowningi

nloansshe
tookoutt opayformyfees,soshel
it
eral
lycan'
t
affor
df ormet ogobackandstudysomethi
ng
I'
m genuinel
yinter
est
edin.Ideci
dedtowor kso
Icansav eupforschool
,wheneveri
t'
ll
be,it
hasn'tbeengoingthatwellbecauseIgivehal
f
ofmysal arytomymot herjustsoshecanpay
offthoseloanssooner.Shedoesn'tknowhow
muchIear n,becauseshewoul dn'
tall
owmet o
gi
v ehersomuchmoney ,butIknowt hatshe
needsit.

IneveraskedThabi tot akemebackt oschool,

becauseIknewt hatitwoul dmeant hatIowe
himf orther estofmyl ife.SoIt akemymont hl
y
all
owancef rom him andsav et hat,alt
houghit'
s
notthateasybecausehewant smet obein
tunewi ththel at
estt r
ends, andwant smet odo
myhai randnai l
sev eryt woweeks.Ir emember
awhi leagowhenIwant edtoenr olinan
i
ntensi v
e2weekcour se, sot hatIcoul dget
promot edatwor k.Ihadhi ntedt hatI'm
i
nterestedi nacer tainv acancyatwor k,andhe
wasn'tont hesamepageasme.Het ol
dme
thatIshoul dbehappywi thmycur rentposit
ion
andqui tifI'
m unhappy .Hewant edmet obea
housewi
fe,
sot
ohi
mitwasal
lunnecessar
y.

Longst or
yshor t
,Iendedupaskingforsome
moneyt ogoshoppi ngsoIcouldpayf orthe
courseinsecret.Themoneywasaccompani ed
byast ri
ctmessaget osendhi
m ov ermy
receipt
swhenIwasdone.Thel i
ttl
emoneyIhad
saved,wouldtake30day storef
lect.SoIdidn'
t
dot hecourse,nordi
dIgetthepromot ion.

HereIam.SoI'mtoo" r
ich"f
orfi
nanci
alaid,but
too"poor
"topayforschooloutofpocketri
ght
now.Gosh,whatadilemma!
Ineedapl
an,
fast
!
[
04/
17,
14:
32]Wdz:
[9]
Thef oll
owingcoupl
eofweekswereproduct
ive
i
nt heempl oymentf
ront
.Ihadf
oundajobinan
upscaleboutiquei
nUmhlangaasashop
assistant
.
Myempl oyerwasYv et
te,anelegantcaramel
ski
nned, tal
landslenderlady.Shewasonl ya
coupleofy ear
solderthanme, butshewas
quiteaccomplished,withherownbusi nessand
ahappymar ri
age.Ienviedheral i
tt
le,Ir
eal
ly
neededt ogetmyshi ttogetherIthoughtto
my sel
f.

"Anotherdel
i
v er
y,pr
ett
ylady.
"-Yv
ett
esaysas
shemodel stowardsmewi t
habouquetof
roses.
Irol
lmyeyes,
becauseIal
readyknowwho
they
'r
efr
om.
"
Ugh,whycan'thet
akeahi
nt?
"IsayasIt
hrow
t
hem i
nthebin.
Yvett
e-"Whathappenedbet
weeny
out
wo
anyways?"
Inar
rat
ethest
oryt
oherandat
earescapesher
eyewhenI'
m done.Shedoesn'
tsayany
thi
ng,
I'
mjustwel
comedbyabearhug.

Yvet
te-"
HowaboutIhooky
ouupwi
th
someone?"
Me-"
Uhmm no,
abl
i
nddat
e?NoEv
e!"
Eve-"
I'
ll
getsomeoneperf
ectf
oryou,
I'
ll
cook
andit
'l
lbeatmyplacesoyou'
l
lbecomfort
abl
e."
Me-"I
'veneverev
enbeentoyourpl
ace,
sohow
exact
lywil
lIbecomfor
tabl
e?"
Eve-"
Comeon,
you'
l
lev
engetachancet
omeet
thehubby
!"
Okay,
sheseemsr
eal
lyexci
ted,
andIcan'
tsay
notoher
.She'
smyboss!
Me-"
Okay
..
"
Eve-"
Per
fect
,I'
l
llety
ouknowaboutt
hedet
ail
s.
Nowgetbacktowor ky
oungl
ady"
Wel
aughedandIwentt
othef
rontt
ohel
pa
cust
omer
.

Thef ol
lowingday swereunev entf
ul,
the
commut ebetweenwor kandhomewast aki
ng
i
tstollonme, Imissedbeingfetchedfr
om work,
havingasecondhomecl osebyandev enbeing
broughtlunch.Iyearnedforcomf ort
abil
i
ty
again,butthat'swhattheproblem was.Igot
toocomf ortableanditwasatmyownexpense.

Theset
houghtssometimesmademethi
nkthat
maybeThabiwasn'
tthatbad,
nomat
terwhatI
wassomewhattakencareof.
Mxi
m,no.I
'dl
i
teral
l
yrat
hergaugemyey
esout
wi
thascr
ewdri
ver!

Ihadn'thear
df r
om Siyasinceourencounter
,
andthatwasal itt
ledepressi
ng.I
'dal
way s
i
magi nehim parkedoutsideofmyhouse
waiti
ngt ocatchaglimpseofmesohecant alk
tome.I '
dalway simaginehowI '
dplayhardto
getatf i
rst
,buteventuallyobli
geandsi twith
himi nhiscar.I
'dimaginehowhe' dtel
l met hat
he'
sawi dowerandhowhe' snotmar r
ied,
and
howhe' dwantmet obehi soneandonl y
woman.Sadl ynoneoft hishashappened, and
I
'velostallhopeofithappeni ngtoo.Siyahas
beent heobjectofmydaydr eams, andIhate
my selff
orit.

I
'm onmywayhomeaf t
eralongdayatwork.
Afteratediouswalkfrom thet
axist
op,If
inal
l
y
reachmyhouse.Looksl i
kemom hascompany
over.Ihuffoutloud.I
'
m notinthemoodfor
pleasantr
iestoday.

TheshockIgetwhenIseeThabi andmy
motherchatt
ingoverteaandbiscuit
sint
he
l
ounge.Itr
ytoturnaroundslowlyandmakea
runf
ori
tbef
oreany
oneseesme,
butThabi
spot
sme.
Thabi
-"baby!Fi
nal
l
yyou'
rehome!Comegi
ve
meahug. "
Mymom hasasmi leplast
eredacr ossherface,
soIwalkovert
ohim andjuststandt her
elikea
pl
ank.Hegrabsmeandput smyar msar ound
hi
sneckwhileheputshisaroundmywast e.I
qui
ckl
ypull
awayandt urnmyat tentiont
omom.
Me-"I
'
mr eal
l
ynotfeel
i
ngwell
,canIj
ustgot
o
bed?I
'l
lseeyout
omorrowThabi
."
Mom-"wel
latl
eastwal
kthepoorboyoutZi
nhl
e,
he'
sbeenwai
ti
ngforov
eranhourtoseeyou.
"
Me-"
yes,
let
sgo"InudgeThabi
.
Hepl
acesmyhandi
nhi
sandt
akest
hel
ead.
Wefi
nal
l
yreachhi
scar
,andIy
ankmyhand
away
.
Me-"Thabi
,we'
reonabr
eak.Whatar
eyou
doi
nghere?"
Thabi-"y
out hinkIwasgonnastayaway
,
especial
lyafterhowyouhumil
iatedmeat
Gateway? "
Ir
oll
myeyesandattemptt
owalkaway.He
gr
absmyarm andpushesmeagai
nsthiscar
.
Thabi-"Don'tworr
ybaby,I
'v
eforgiv
eny oufor
that.Imessedupandsodi dyou.Ijustwanted
totelly
out hatI
'm wor
kingonmy self
.Iwantto
bebet t
erforyoubaby.
"
Hetouchesmycheekandt il
tsupmychin,
andI
seehi
m comingforakiss.Iqui
ckl
ytur
naway
andhetakesadeepbreathin.
Thabi-"
Iknowy ouneedt i
me,andI'
l
lchangefor
you.You'l
lsee.Asforthatol
dmany ouwere
withtheotherday.
.I'
l
lkil
lhm.Isweartoyou,
I'
ll
ki
llhi
m! "
Wit
hthatheturnsonhi
sheel
s,j
umpsinhi
scar
andspeedsoff
.Heleav
esmeont her
oad,
dumbfounded.
God,
keepSi
yasaf
e!
[
04/
17,
14:
33]Wdz:
[10]
Theev eningofmy" bl
inddat e"fastappr oached
andbef oreIknewi t,i
thadar r
ived.Her eIwasat
homei nmyr oom, wear i
ngat hongand
matchingbl ackl acebr a,tr
yingtodeci deonan
outf
it
.Anhourl aterIsettl
edonal ongbl ack
fi
gurehuggi ngjumpsui twithsheersl eev esand
back,goldst r
appyheel s,andgol dslingbag.I
appli
edmi nimal make- upandnudel ipto
complet emyl ook.Ididn'twantt obeext r a,
especiall
ysi nceitwoul dbemyf i
rsttime
meetingsomeoft hepeopl etonight.Ialso
wantedt or espectEv e'
shomeandherhusband.

ItookanUberthatdroppedmeoffatapetrol
stati
oncl
osetoEv e'
splace,
Iwashav i
ng
tr
oublewit
hthelocati
onshesent.Igavehera
call
.
"
Gir
l"Ev
epant
ed
Me-"I
'
m atagar
ageacoupl
eofminut
esaway
,
t
helocat
ioni
sshowi
ngmeflames"
Eve-"
Okaylove,hubbyi
sdoingani
cer
unnow
anyways,
he'l
ljustpi
ckyouup"
Me-"
Howwi
l
lIknowi
t'
shi
m?"
Eve-"He'
sdri
vi
ngmycar
.Shi
tmyhol
l
andai
se
sauce!Bye!
"
5mi nutesl
ater,
Eve'sMercC63sshowedup.
Justintime,I
'm ov
ermaki ngsmall t
alkwit
h
everyTom DickandHar r
yher eatthegarage.
Patronsdri
vi
ngbypr obablyassumeI '
m anight
walkerandmyout fi
tisn'
thelpingmycase.

Ij
umpi
nthecar
.
Hewr apsuphi sphonecall
afterreprimanding
theper sonont heotherendoft helinefor
call
inghi m duri
ng"famil
ytime"andhegr unts
withfrustrati
on.I'
m notpayi
ngat tenti
on,
becauseI 'mt ooconsumedbymyphoneanda
pict
urethatI
'vejustbeentaggedi
n.Nondumiso
i
nmybed, noinThabi'sbedweari
ngmyl i
ngeri
e.
Iknowit'
smi nebecauseIboughtspeci
fi
call
y
forThabi'
sbirt
hday.

Al
thoughI'
m avi
rgi
n,I
'dalway
spl
easehi
min
ev
eryotherwaypossi
ble.
Ilockmyphoneandsi nki
ntomyseatandgaze
ahead.I st
hiswhathemeantbychangingand
doingbet t
erforme?Whoam Ikiddi
ng,Iknow
Thabi l
ikethebackofmyhand.Hellwoul
dhav e
tofreezeov erbef
orehechangesi
nanywayf or
thebetter.

Myheartisleapingoutofmychest ,andIhav
e
adeepresentmenttowar dsThabi.Ibli
nkaway
t
hetear
st hatthreat
entofall
.Thabiisn'
twort
h
r
eappl
yi
ngmymakeup, sonoIrefusetocry.
Myhandsar etrembli
ng,I'
m soangryandhurt!
Hef
inal
l
ytur
nshi
sat
tent
iont
ome.
Hi
m-"
Hey
,soI
'
m..
."
"Zi
nhl
e"hewhi
sperswi
thal
ockofcompl
ete
shockonhi
sface.
Oureyesmeet
,andher
etheyar
e.Thoser
ich
hazel
eyest
hatmakemykneesweak.
I
'
vebeensoconsumedwit
hthisstupi
dpi
ctur
e
t
hatIdi
dn'
treal
i
zej
ustwhoissit
ti
ngbesi
deme.
Composey
our
sel
fZi
nhl
e!
Me-"
Siy
a"i
tcomesoutasawhi
sper
.
Forthatmomentoureyesar
elockedoneach
other,
nei
theroneofushasbl
inked.

Ourmomenti si
nterrupt
edbysomeonecal l
ing
Siy
av i
aBluet
ooth,shit
.It
'ssavedas"wif
ey"
.He
shi
ftsuncomfor
tablyinhisseatandanswers.
"
Lov
e,di
dyouf
indZi
nhl
e?"
I
t'
sEv
eont
heot
herendoft
hel
i
ne.
Si
ya-"
Yesbabe.I
'
m wi
thherr
ightnow.
"
Il
aughsar
cast
ical
l
y,Ican'
tbel
i
evet
his.
Eve-"
Perf
ect
.Myl
ove,
pleasedon'
tfor
gett
he
RedBull
."
Att
hispointmyhear
thascompletel
ystopped.
Si
yaisthehubby
,Eveismarr
iedtoSiya!
Si
ya-"
Okayhun!
"
Theyendthei
rcal
l,
andhedashesf
ort
he
conveni
encest
ore.
Justmyl
uck!Mymy
ster
yguyi
smar
ri
ed.
.t
omy
BOSS!
[
04/
17,
14:
34]Wdz:
[11]

Thedr i
vetot
hei
rhousewasawkwardtosay
theleast
.He'
ssteal
i
ngglancesatme,
act
ual
ly
no,he'sst
ari
ngatme.
Me-"
May
beweshoul
dkeepourey
esont
he
r
oad"
Hechucklessoftl
yandr evealst
hoseperf
ect
pear
lywhiteteet
hofhi s.Itakemyphoneout
andstar
tgoingthroughmyphot os,
anyt
hingt
o
di
str
actme, becauseIcan'thandlewhathe
doestomyl adyparts.
Si
ya-"
Soy
ou'
ret
heonebei
ngsetupwi
th
Br
ian?
"
Me-"
Iguess"
Hi
sgr
ipont
hewheel
tight
ens,
what
'
sthatabout
?
Siy
a-"Idon'
tthi
nkt
hisi
sagoodi
dea,
I'
ll
take
youhomenowandt ell
Evey
ouhaveastomach
bug"

Wecomet oahaltaf ewmet ersawayfrom a

monstrousgate.Hischocolatebrownhand
makescont actwit
hmyt high,andIimmedi at
ely
tenseasIfeeltheelect
ri
cit
yt r
avelthr
oughmy
body.Theveinsinhishandsbul ge,
asifthey'
re
t
hrobbi
ngresembli
ngt
het
hrobbi
ngsensat
ioni
n
myundercarr
iage.

Iment all
ycounttot en,thenmanaget osay" I
'
ll
bef i
ne, I
'
ml ooki
ngf orwardtomeet i
ngt hi
sso
call
edBr ian"Ibr
ieflysmileandhopemyv oice
didn'
tshowmyv ulnerabl
estate.Henods,
clenchinghisjawanddr i
vestothelargegate.
Heopenshi swindowandpunchesi nacodeon
thekey padandpl aceshisthumbont hesensor ,
hisphoner i
ngsandhepunchesanot hercodein.

Wow, whatasecurit
ysy stem, adv
ancedItell
you!We'r
edr i
vi
ngalongt hebreathtaki
ng
dri
veway,withpal
mt reesalignedoneithersi
de,
andIfi
nallyseeit
,I'
mi nabsoluteaweofmy
surr
oundings.
Thehouseisoutofthi
sworl
d,tosaytheleast
.
I
tlooksli
kesomethi
ngoutof"Archi
tect
ural
Digest
"magazi
ne.It
'smoder
n,yetsophist
icat
ed,
aperfectblendofbot hwithit
sglasscanopy
thatextendsovertheentranceofthehome,and
theimmacul at
ewoodendoor sattheentr
ance.
Ithasaf ewlevel
s,butIguessI '
l
lfi
ndoutsoon
enoughhowmanyt hereactual
lyare.
Si
ya-"
lookZi
nhl
e..I
..
"
Iputmyhandup,becauseIdon'
twanthi
mt o
fi
nishhi
ssent
ence.Thi
sisawkwardenough,
I'
m notr
eadyt
oherethecli
chesof"I
'
m sorr
y".
Helooksatmewi
thabl
ankexpr
essi
ononhi
s
f
ace.
Me-"l
et'
snotmaket
hishar
dert
hani
tal
ready
i
s."
Hetri
estoi
nter
ruptme,
butIdon'
tgi
vehi
ma
chancet
o.
Me-"don'
tworr
y,Iwon'
ttel
lEveany
thi
ng.
Besi
des,t
here'
snothi
ngtotel
l
."
Ifl
ashthebiggestsmi
l
eIcan,
whil
emyhear
t
conti
nuestojumpoutofmychest
.
Ifi
nall
ymakemywayoutoft hecar ,
swif
tl
y
fol
lowingSiyatothedoor,wherewe'remetby
Evewi t
hthewi destsmil
eonherf aceasshe
throwsherselfatherhusbandgiv
inghima
shortsmooch.Lov eli
vesherevi
bes.Shef i
nall
y
focusesherat t
enti
ontomeandpul l
smei nfor
awar m hug.

Eve-"
Zinhle,f
inal
l
y!I'
m soexci
tedf
oryout
o
meetBrian,he'sr
oamingoutsi
desomewher
e
onabusi nesscal
l.
"
Cr
ap,
he'sher
eal
ready
.Ismilener
vousl
yand
Ev
ehandsmeaglassofwine.
Ev
e-"
Rel
axal
i
ttl
e,t
hiswi
l
lhel
p"
Shewi
nksatme.
Eve-"Wel
ldinneri
sready,butsi
ncetheboysare
st
ill
busy,l
etmeshowy ouaroundthehouse"
Me-"
Okay
"
Ilookupatt
hedual
stai
rcaset
hatspi
ral
down
tothefoy
er,
wow!
Eve-"
Okay,
let
'sj
ustst
artdownher
e,and
hopef
ull
ywe'l
lst
il
lhav
etimetogoupstai
rs.
"

Shedragsmeacr ossthef oy er
,tooneoft he
hall
way swithabl ackandwhi t
epal ett
ewith
ti
li
ngpat t
ernsandwi thblackmar blecolumns.
Oneoft heliv
ingr oomshasar oundedwal lthat
accommodat est hetall
curv edwi ndowsandt he
curvedsofasi nsideaswel l.Everythingmeshes
sowel lt
ogether .It
'sasifthef urnit
urewas
specif
ical
lymadef oreachr oom.

Icouldgoonf rom t
heopul encei nthekit
chen
withmar bl
eandbrassf i
nishings,allt
hewayt o
thestonefir
eplaceinthemai nli
vingroom,and
theint
ricat
elydesi
gnedcry st
al chandeli
er
suspendedinthediningroom.
Evef i
nall
yleadsmet omyseati nthedining
area,I'
m exhaust
edandwe' reonlyhal
fway
throughthefir
stfl
oor,Ineedtojustdedicat
ea
weekt oseeev er
ythi
nginhere,honestl
y.
Myattent
ionmovesacr
osst
her
oom t
othi
s
f
inespeci
menthat
seemst
obef
loat
ingt
owar
dsme.

Hissmoot hcaramel ski

n,hi
sshortbeardthat
accentuateshisstrongj
awli
ne,hi
slighthazel
eyesthathav eahintofemeral
d,hisbroad
shoulders,andthatsmil
ethatr
esonatesfrom
acrossther oom.Wow.

Eve-"Br i
an,
IhavesomeoneIr eal
l
ywanty outo
meet "Evesay swit
hsomuchexci t
ement,It
hink
thewi neiskicki
ngin.Bri
ani
saclosefr
iendof
Siya'
s, pr
acti
call
ybrother
s,t
heyal
sohappento
wor
konsomeconst
ruct
ionpr
oject
stoget
her
.
Hemov esswi
ft
lyt
owar
dsmeandpract
ical
l
y
pi
cksmeupf r
om mychai
rashewar
mly
embracesme.
Hesmel
l
sli
keheav
en!
Hehol
dsouthi
shand.
Hi
m-"
Bri
an"
"
Zinhl
e"-
me
Brian-"
Wow!Imustsay ,
you'
regor
geoussweet
face.Evedidn'
tdoyouj
usti
ce"hesay
swhil
ehe
putshisotherhandont
opofmine.
He'
slooki
ngdeepint
omyeyesandIdon'
tknow
whet
hertolookawayorr
eci
procat
e.
SoIj
ustsmi
l
e,andbl
ushi
nthepr
ocess.
Si
ya-"
Okay,
letgoofeachot
her
,andhowabout
weeat?"
Okay
,wei
rd.
Si
yai
nsi
stsf
orBr
iant
osi
tnextt
ohi
m,
somet
hingaboutt
alki
ngbusi
ness.

IguessI'
vegonetodaydr
eam l
and,becauseI
'
m
broughtbackt
oreal
it
ybyEvesnappingher
fi
ngersatme.
Ev
e-"
Zinhl
e,ar
eyougoodl
ove?
"
Il
ookacr ossthet ableandBrianandSi
yahave
stoppedtheirconv er
sati
on.Brianl
ooks
concerned,Siyaont heotherhandisvi
sibl
y
uncomf or
table,andIswearIcanseesweat
droplet
sonhi sforehead.
Hmmm thisi
spr
ett
yamusi
ng,
letmehav
ea
l
it
tl
efun.
Me-"act
ual
l
y,Ev
ether
e'ssomet
hingIwantt
o
t
ell
you."
Si
yapr
act
ical
l
yjumpsupf
rom t
het
abl
e.
Ev
e-"
babysi
tdownwi
l
lyou.
"
Hesi
tsdown,
andhel
ooksst
rai
ghtatme,
asi
f
he'
str
yingt
ointi
midat
eme.Ilookst
rai
ghtat
hi
m aswell
,Iwanthi
mt osweat
.
Eve-"pl
easecont
inueZi
nhl
e.Excusemy
husband,heknowsbett
ert
hantoleavet
he
tabl
eduringdi
nner.
"
Me-"
asIwassay
ing.Iwantt
otel
lyout
hat
..
"
Si
yai
nter
rupt
sme.Yi
p,he'
ssweat
ingnow!
Si
ya-"Maybeweshoul
dcal
li
tani
ght
,it
slat
e
af
teral
l.
"
Ev
e-"
Siy
abonga,
keepqui
etwi
l
lyou?
"
Me-"Ij
ustwantedt ocomplimentyourcooki
ng
ski
l
lsgir
l,t
hischickenisoutofthi
swor l
d.I
def
ini
tel
ywantt hisreci
pe.
"
Si
yafinal
l
ybr
eat
hesoutandIgi
vehi
m asweet
smil
e.

Ther
estoft
heeveningi
sfil
ledwit
hlightchatt
er
andabi
tofbant
er.Thewineisf
lowingandt he
f
oodi
sdel
ect
abl
e.
"Soguys,whenar
eyoumaki
ngmeanuncle?"
Bri
anasksthelov
ebir
ds,
andIal
mostchokeon
mywi ne.

Ij
ustf oundoutthattheguyI'
vebeenobsessi
ng
overisindeedmar r
iedandit
'swit
hmyboss.I
don'twanttohav etoimagi
nethem get
ti
ng
fr
isky.I'
m notr
eadyf ort
hat.

Ev elookspissed,asshetakest hebottl
ein
frontofherandl eavestheroom.Uhmm okay .
.
att hi
spoi nt
,youcancutthet ensiononthe
room wi thaknife,unt
ilSi
yafinall
yexcuses
himsel fandgoesr unni
ngafterEv e.
"It
hinki
t'
ssafet
osaywe'veoverst
ayedour
welcome.Letmetakey
ourfinesel
fhome"
Bri
ansays,l
ooki
ngatmeintentl
y.
Bri
andriv
esaBeamer ,oneoft helatestmodel s,
andsoIdon' tunderstandwhyhe' sdr iv
ing
60km/hont hefr
eeway .Heev entuallyletsme
i
nonhi s"plot"
.Sincewedi dn'treal
lygetan
oppor
tunitytobonddur i
ngdinner,hef igureswe
shoul
dsqueezei nt hebasicsabouteachot her
now.

Sof r
om whatI '
vemanagedt ocat chont oisthat
Brianisanent r
epr eneur.Hedabbl edi n
archit
ectureandconst r
uction.Hei sn'tdi
vulgi
ng
muchabouthi slifeotherthant hatandt hefact
thathehasapasthewoul dr atherkeept o
himselffornow.Nowi f
eandnoki dst hathe
knowsof ,
hiswor dsnotmi ne.He' spr i
mar i
ly
basedi nJohannesbur g,soal otoft het i
me
whenhe' sinDur banhest ay sinSi ya'spool
house.Appar entlyhim andSi yagowayback
andSi yahelpedhi m duri
nghi sdar kti
mes.He
alsohasabr ot
hert hatli
vesabr oadsomewher e,
unfortunatel
ytheydon' tcommuni cateduet o
cert
aincir
cumst
ancest
hathe'
l
ltel
lmeaboutat
alaterst
age.
"Iguessthi
sisit
"Briansay
sasheparksnear
mygat e.Helowersthevol
umeoftheradi
othen
placeshiswarm handonmycheekwhilehe
gazesdeepintomyey es.

Br i
an-" Damn, y
ou'r egorgeous"hesay si nwhat
seemst obeawhi sper.Het il
tsmychi nupand
traceshi st humbal ongmyqui ver
inglip.He
bringshi sheadcl osert omi neunt il
hiscol d
noset ouchesmi ne.Isuckonmybot t
om l i
pand,
andIdon' trealizet hatI'
veclosedmyey esunti
l
I'
m st artledbyhi sphoner i
ngi ngviaBluet ooth
causi ngmet oshootmyey esopen.Isee" Mbali
Dur ban"pl asteredont hescr een.Befor eIcan
stopmy sel f,
Ireachf orthescr eenandpr ess
the" accept "but t
on.

Her
-"Baby
,yousai
dyourmeet
ingwoul
dn'
ttake
l
ong.I'
mi ny ourfavor
it
el i
ttl
enumberandI'm
gett
inglonelynow."Shesay sinawhiningtone.
Unbeli
evable!IlookoveratBr i
anandchuckle
l
oudly.Ibidhim goodnightloudenoughforhis
Mbalitohearandgetoutt hecarj
ustasshe
asks"who'st hatwoman? "
[
04/
17,
14:
34]Wdz:
[12]
Thenextcoupl eofday swer esombre,Evehad
l
eftmei nchargeoft herei
gnsatthebout i
que,
becauseshewasgoi ngthroughsome" personal
i
ssues" .Everyti
meshe' dcheckin,out
conversationswouldbebr i
efandwouldrev ol
ve
aroundt hebout i
que.Thingswereawkwar d.I
wasn'tsurewhet herherdot i
nghusbandlether
i
nonourl itt
leencounterorifIdi
dorsaid
somet hingtohintthatIhavesomewhatofa
hi
storywi thSiya.

Thi
ssaddenedme,Ir
eall
yhadasoftspotf
or
her
,shehadbeennot
hingbutki
ndandgentl
e
towardsmedur i
ngthet imethatI'
v eknownher ,
andwehadr eall
ygrownt oberatherclose.The
guil
tIwascar ryi
ngov ermyi nci
dentwi thher
husbandwasr eal
lyeatingmeupi nsi
de, butI
thoughttel
li
ngherwoul dbeselfi
shofme.
Especial
lywithwhatev ershe'sgoingthrough
current
ly.

Myphoner
ings,
andi
t'
sEv
e.
Me-"
Bossl
ady
"
Eve-"
Heypr
ett
ylady
,hopey
ouhav
en'
tbur
nt
downmyshop"
Il
augh
"
Lastt
imeIchecked,
ever
ythi
ngwasi
nor
der
"-
Me
Eve-"Whatdoy oumean, thelastti
me?Zinhl
e
don'tt
ell
mey ou'veleftJessaloneinmyshop,
she'
snott hesharpestknif
eint hedrawer
"
Webot
hlaughuncont
rol
l
abl
y,becauseshe'
s
ri
ght.Jess,t
heot
hershopassi
stantneeds
supervi
sioni
never
ythi
ng!
Me-"
I'
m ki
ddi
ng,
all
iswel
l
"
Eve-"
Gr eat
,soIwant
edyoutocomebythe
house,Iwantustohaveal
it
tl
echatt
his
eveni
ng"
Me-"
Uhmm"
Ev
e-"Don'
tev
enthi
nkaboutbl
owi
ngmeof
f,t
ell
Br
iantodr
opyouoff
"

Afterourblinddat e,Bri
anappar entl
yhounded
Evef ormynumberandshecav edin.Iwas
annoy edatf i
rst,andwoul dn'
tgivehimt hetime
ofday ,buther eall
ywor kedhar datconv i
nci
ng
me.Heboughtmel unchev eryday,andthedays
whenhewasn' taround,he'dordermyf oodand
havei tdeli
vered.Hecal l
edmeconst antlyand
her emindedmehowmuchIenj oyedbei ng
takencar eof.Iwascomf ortableagain,and
that
'swhatIfeared.Ididn'
twanttounr
aveland
gettoocomf or
table.Iwasbeginni
ngtogai
nmy
i
ndependencebackandIdi dn'
twantasetback.
Comf or
tabil
i
tyiswhatl andedmeinanabusive
rel
ati
onship.

BrianandIhi titoff,hewast houghtf uland

i
ncr edibl
ysweet ,Iwasj ustnowher ebei ng
emot ionall
yreadyt odat e.Heunder stoodmy
vi
ews, andwithhisbusywor kschedul e, we
agreedt hatourrelationshipwoul dn'thav eaf ai
r
chanceatt histime.Besi des, Br
ian'
shonest y
canber efr
eshing,butal armingatt hesame
ti
me.Het oldmeaboutt hepeopl ehe' scurrentl
y
sleepingwi t
h,Ididn'tknowwhet hert olaughor
tocr y.Idefi
nit
elyhav easof tspotf orhi m now.
SoIguessy oucansaywe' reonlyfriends.
Me-"
I'
ll
bet
her
e"-
Eve-"
TellBr
ianIsai
dhi
"shegi
ggl
edt
hencut
thecal
l.
Brianorganizedacabt odropmeof fatEv e's
place,andIwaswel comedbySi ya'saf ter
shav e
ashet ower edov erme,t
akingmycoat .Our
fi
ngerst ouchedf oraspl
itsecondandourey es
wer el
ockedont oeachot her.Ireallythought
thatIhadbur iedanyfeel
ingt owar dst hisman,
butmyhear ti
sl eapi
ngoutofmychestatt hi
s
point,
andhi ssmi lehasmeweakatt heknees.
Eve-"
Areyout
wocoming?
"Ev
easksst
andi
nga
fewmeter
saway.Shi
t
Il
eapacrosst
hefoy
erandf
oll
owhert
othe
casual
dini
ngroom.
Itakeaseat
,andal
mostchokeonthewi
neI
nowhaveinhandwhenEveopenshermout
h.
Ev
e-"
Zinhl
e,Br
iant
oldmeev
ery
thi
ng"
What
?
[
04/
17,
14:
34]Wdz:
[13]
Me-"
Uhmm,
about
?"
Ev
e-"
Comeon,
don'
tpl
ayst
upi
d"
Me-"
Okay
,wel
l
,letmeexpl
ain.
."
Ev
e-"
No,
letme"
Igul
pdownmywi ne,
try
ingt
ohi
demy
tr
embli
nghands.

Eve-"Okay,soIappr
eci
ateyourconcer
n,but
I'
mf i
ne.Siy
at ol
dmey ou'
vebeencalli
ngi
nand
checkingonme"
Thewholet
ime,I
'm conf
usedascanbe.What
i
sgoingonri
ghtnow?WhatdidSiyado?

Eve-"Iwalkedinonhi
mj uststari
ngatyour
numberonhi sphone,heexplainedt
hathehad
j
ustgot t
enof ft
hephonewithy ouandyouwer
e
checkinginonme."
Eve-"
Iknowwe'
vegr
owncloseZi
nhl
e,andIj
ust
wanttoputy
ourmi
ndatease"
Me-"
Okay
"Imanaget
osay
Eve-"IknowIhav en'
tgonei
nt odetai
labout
whatmyper sonal i
ssuesar
e, andIfi
nditonly
fai
rtolety ouin.You'r
enotjustmyempl oyee,
you'r
ealsooneofmybestf riends.I'
m sor
ryfor
beingdistantl
at el
y."
Ipourmysel
fanot
hergl
assofwi
ne,
Ihav
ea
feel
i
ngI'
m goi
ngtoneedit
.

Eve-"Iwaspregnant,
butunfortunat
elyitwas
exctopi
c.Longstoryshor
t,Ihadt ogetanop,
tur
nsoutt heyt
ookoutmyFal lopiantube"
Mytearsar
ejustf
reef
all
ingdownmyf ace,I
l
ookoveratSi
yaandhe'svi
sibl
yhear
tbroken
anduncomfor
tabl
e.
Me-"I
'
m sosor
ry,
idon'
tev
enknowwhatt
osay
ordo.
"
Eve-"I
t'
sokay,
aft
er3mi
scar
ri
ages,
Idon'
thav
e
anytearsl
eftt
ocry"
Siyawal ksov ertoherandhol dsherf orawhi le.
Hisey esar ered,andhe' sv i
siblybroken.I
reali
zeatt hatmomentt hatt heirli
vesar en'
t
perfect.Ialsoreali
zet hatmyf eeli
ngsf orSi
y a
aredeeperandmor eintenset hanIhad
antici
pated.Justwi tnessinghi mi nav ulner
able
statepullsatmyhear tstr
ings.Il ookathi m,and
allIwantt odoi sjumpacr osst hetableand
takehispai nawayi nev erypossi bleway .

Eve-"
I'
veaskedyoutocome, becauseIhavean
i
dea.Ihatetoaskthi
s,butheregoesnothi
ng.
."
shetakesthebot
tl
eofwi neanddrinksf
rom i
t.
Eve-"Zi
nhl
e,Iwoul
dlov
eiti
fyou'
dbeour
surr
ogate"
"
What
?!?
"-Si
yaandIshouti
nuni
son
Ev
e-"
Iknow,
I'
m sor
ryf
orbombar
dingy
ouguy
s
wit
hthis,
butthechancesofmecar ryi
ngmy
ownbabyar esl
imt onone, andadopti
onjust
i
sn'
tthesame.Iwantmyownbabywi thpartof
meandpar tofyouSiya.Please"Evesayswi t
h
pl
eadingeyesthataregli
steningwit
htears.
Eve-"
Iwannadot
hiswi
thsomeoneIt
rust
,andI
tr
ustyouZi
nhl
e"
Iswal
l
owalumpi nmythroat.Shet
rust
sme?
Thegi
rlt
hat
'ski
ssedherhusband!

Eve-"Wecandr awupacont r
act,
andyou'
ll
be
handsomelyrewarded.Youcanevengobackto
schoolaft
erthebir
th,andyoucanbesetupfor
l
ife.Pl
easejustthi
nkaboutit
"
Siy
a-"No!Enough!
"-Si
yashout
s,andIal
most
fal
lof
fmyseat .
Si
ya-"Yv
etteKhanyisi
leNy at
hi,
don'tpi
ssme
off
!Iam yourhusband,andyouwil
l not
bombardmewi thsuchinfrontofyour
empl
oyees,
doy
ouhearme?
"

Okay,nowI '
mj ustanemployee.Ev
ekeeps
rol
li
ngherey esasshedrinksherwinefr
om the
bott
le.Myey esareburni
ngfrom mytearst
hat
arethreat
eningtofall
.

Siy
a-"Zi
nhl
e,i
t'
sti
mey
oul
eft
.I'
l
lgett
hedr
iver
totakey
ou."
Inodli
keal itt
leschoolgir
l,andmakemyway
tothefoyer.Thehousei ssosi l
ent,myheel
s
arescreechingont heti
l
edf loorsandIcanj
ust
feelSi
ya'sagitat
iontowardst hem.Letmeget
outofhere!

ThemomentIgethome, Ir
eachundermybed
formysecretal
coholstashanddr inkt
heHenny
str
aightf
rom t
hebottleasIlightl
ychuckl
eat
theevent
softhisevening.There'
snowayi n
hel
lEvemeantwhatshesai daboutmebei ng
hersurr
ogat
eIt hi
nktomy selfwhil
est r
ippi
ngin
fr
ontofthemirrorandimaginingmy sel
fwitha
swoll
enbell
y.Ierasethet
houghtf rom myhead
andwearmypi nkfluf
fygownandmakemyway
tomybed.Myt houghtsareinterr
uptedmy
vi
brati
ngphone.It'
sanunknownnumber .

Me-"
Hel
l
o?"
Si
l
ence
Me-"
Hel
l
o?"
Cal
l
er-"
Zinhl
e..
"it
'sSi
ya
Me-"
Yes"I
'
m annoy
edr
ightnow.
Siy
a-"
Pleasej
ustgiv
eme5mi
nut
esofy
our
ti
me.I
'm out
side"
Me-"
What?!
?"Hemustbeki
ddi
ng.Whatwoul
d
hewantwi
ththehel
p?
Igoov ert
othewi
ndowandseehi
sli
ght
s
fl
icker
ingacr
osst
heroad.
Me-"
What
..
whyar
eyouher
e?"
Si
ya-"
Ireal
l
yneedt
otal
ktoy
ou,
please.
"
I
'm curi
oustohearwhathehastosay,andI
'm
j
ustaf oolwheni
tcomestoSiyaanyways.I
hat
et hat.
Me-"
Giv
emeami
nut
e"

IguessIshoul dfindoutwhathewant sright

?5
minuteswon'thur t.Iputonmysl ipper
sand
walkt omymom' sr oom.She'sont opofthe
coversandshe' sfallenasleepwithsoftmusic
i
nt hebackgroundandherphonei nherhand.I
getcloserandpl aceaf l
eecet hr
owov erher
curledupbodyandt i
ptoeoutoft hehouse.It
's
fr
eezingoutsideandt heroadiswetf r
om the
dri
zzlingr
ain.
IruntoSiy
a'scarandl
it
eral
lyj
umpi n.I
t'
sso
warm andcosy,Isi
nki
ntotheseatandhe
wastesnotime,ashecl
earshisthr
oatand
speaks.

Siy
a-"I'
m sor
ryaboutearl
i
eron, Iwasjustreal
ly
surpr
isedatEve'sr
equest
,especial
lysinceit
's
notevensomet hi
ngwehaddi scussedpr i
or.
"
Ij
ustnodandwai
tforhi
mtocont
inue.
"Well,we'vestruggl
edt oconcei veovert he
years,andsi ncewe'v ealway simaginedhav i
ng
alargef amily,i
t'
sreallydr i
venawedgebet ween
us.Shef eelsguilt
yfornotbei ngphy sicall
yable
toatleastgi vemeanhei randshet hinksI
blameherf orit
.That '
sthef arthestt
hingf rom
thetruth,Il
ov eherandIj ustwantust oget
backt obeingcompl etelyhappyagai n.We' ve
drif
tedapar tandmay beababyi swhatwi ll
pieceusbackt ogether"
I
tfeel
sli
keadaggerhaspi
ercedt
hroughmy
hear
t.Hej
usttol
dmet
hathel
ovesEv
eand
di
dn'
tevenfl
i
nch.

Me-"
Siy
a..I
..
"
Siya-"Pleasejustletmef i
nish.Iwasn' ton
boardwi thEv e'
sr equestbecauseofmy
encount erswi t
hy ou,butEvet rustsy ouandis
tooembar rassedt oaskaf riendorf ami l
y
memberandgoi ngthroughanagencycanbea
l
engt hypr ocess.Iknowt hissi t
uationis
unconv entional,
butpl easeconsi derEv e'
s
request.Justbeopent oit
.Butbef or eyoudo,I
needt odot hi
s..
"

Hesmasheshi sli
psonmi ne, hesmellsofmint
andhismascul i
neaf t
ershav e.Hepar tsmyli
ps
withhistongue,anddeepensourki ss.Ourli
ps
aredancingwitheachot herandourt ongues
areexplori
ngeachot her'
st hroatsatthispoi
nt.
Ourkissisfil
l
edwi thpassionandwantashi s
handt ugsont ot hebackofmyheadwhi l
ehis
otherhandt ravelsundermygownandt r
aces
unknownpat ternsovermyunder wear.I
'mlost
i
nt hekiss,andIunknowi nglypl
acemyhand
overhisbul ge.Hegr unt
sandunexpect edly
stops.Heshi ftsuncomf ortabl
yinhi
sseatand
tr
iestor epositi
onhishar don.
"I
'm sor ry,butthatcannev erhappenagai n.I'
m
serious.Ij ustneededt o,onel asttime.Because
i
fwegoaheadwi tht
hesur rogacyt heonl ythi
ng
thatwi l
l connectuswi l
lbest ri
ct l
yabusi ness
transact i
on.Ihav ehist
orywi t
hher ,andIdon't
wantt ohur teitherofyou,youdon' tdeserveit.
Sopl easet hinkaboutthesur rogacy ,I'
ll
hav emy
l
awy erdr awupsomepaper sanddr opthem of f
tomor rowj ustsoy ouhaveacl ear
under standi ngofwhat '
sex pect edofy ou,then
youcanmakeani nformeddeci si
on. "

Ij
ustkeepnoddi
ngatev
erywor
dhesay
s.I
'
m
real
l
yoverwhelmedandIhav ealotoft
hinki
ng
todo.WiththatIbi
dhim goodni
ghtandhead
backint
ot hehouse.
Myunderweari
sdrenched,
soIdeci
det
otakea
showerj
usttocool
off.
[04/
17,14:35]Wdz:JusttoshowyouthatItr
uly
appreci
ateyoursupport
,here'
sabonusbir
thday
i
nsertforoneofmyr eaders!

[
14]

Thef
oll
owi
ngmorni
ngIr
ecei
vedal
engt
hlyt
ext
fr
om Si
yat
hatr
ead:
"Zinhl
e,I
'm sorr
y.I'
m sorr
yf orhowI'
vecome
i
ntoy ourli
feandscrambl edevery
thi
ng.You
don'tdeserveanyofthethingsthatI
'
v eputyou
throughintheshortti
meI 'v
eknowny ou.I
reali
zedhowsel fi
shIwasbei ngbyexpecti
ng
yout oagreetosuchar equestandalso
conf
usingyouwi t
hmyadv ancestowardsy ou.
MaybeonedayI '
llsi
tyoudownandl etyouinon
what'
sgoingoninmyhear tandmymi nd.For
nowthough,whateveryourdecisi
oni s,I
appr
eciateyoubeingopenmi ndedandal lowing
your
selfspacetoconsiderit
.
Lov
eSi
ya.
"

Ireadthattextev
erychanceIget,
ov erandover
again.Ii
magi net
hosewordsescapinghis
succulentl
i
ps.Hissincer
it
yinhisli
ghthazel
eyes.

Irecei
vedthecontractfr
om Siya'
slawyera
weekago,andEv elit
eral
lycal
lsmet wiceaday
askingi
fI'
vedecidedy et
.Trut
hbet old,Ihaven'
t.
AssoonasIt hi
nkI '
vemadeadeci sion,Ithi
nk
oftheconsthenchangemymi ndimmedi at
ely.
Theywer en'tl
yingwhent heysai
dIwoul dbe
handsomel yrewar ded,becausethemoneyand
opportunit
iesathandar emorethangener ous.I
haven'
thadachancet ot al
ktoanyoneabout
thi
s,becausewhodoIt alkto?Mysisteris
thr
ivi
ngi nhercar eerinGermany,andIdon' t
wanttobet hetypicalZinhl
ethatscr
ewsupas
usuali
nherey es.

Thent
here'
smymot her,honest
lyI'
veputthat
womanthroughenoughandmypr i
orit
ynowis
tomakehersmil
euntil
herlastbreath.

Ther ul
esandr egul
ati
onsi nthiscontr
actare
neverending.Nohott ubsorsaunas, because
thetemper aturecouldpotential
lycausebirt
h
defectstotheunbor nbaby .Nocaf fei
ne,no
acidi
cbev erages,Iwouldev enhav eacurfew!
Thelistreall
yisendless.I'
dhav etoalsomov e
i
nper manent lyfort
hedur ati
onoft he
hy
pothet
ical
pregnancy,Ev
ewant
stobe
pr
esentf
oreverystage.

IfIsignont hedottedl i
ne,I
'l
lbeabletogoback
toschool , startmyownbusi ness,tr
aveland
there'sev enanopt ionforreconstr
ucti
ve
surger yaftert hebirth.ButhowdoIst ayunder
thesamer oofasSi yafor9mont hsandkeep
myhandst omy self?Howwi l
lIexpl
ainmy
l
engt hly"di sappearance"tomymot her?The
guil
tI '
llf
eel knowingt hatIbetr
ayedEve'str
ust,
andwi l
lIbeabl etohav eal i
fegrowinsideof
meandt henj ustgiv ehim/heraway?

IfIdon'
tagree,howdoIj ustcrushEve's
dreamsofhav ingherhappyf amil
y ?I
'
dpr obabl
y
alsohavetofindanotherjob,andsav ef
orat
l
eastanothery ear,
takeoutal oanandt hen
onlygobackt oschool.ButatleastIwouldn't
havetodeceivemymom, I'
dcontinuewithmy
cocktai
lhoursandI'
dbemyownper son.Let
meal soaddresst
hepinkel
ephanthere.How
doIhav eababywhenIhaven'
tevenhadsex ?
Evedoesn'tknowthi
s,sowoul
dIhav eto
di
vulgethi
st oher
?
Thi
sisal
lj
ustsoov
erwhel
ming.

Ilookatthecont
ractonelastti
me,withal
lof
thehighl
ight
sandthenotesI'vewri
tt
eninthe
mar gi
ns.Ipl
acei
tinit'
senvelopeandshovei
t
i
nmybag.

Imakeament alnotet
ocontactEveandsetup
ameetingwi
thherhusband.Threedays,I
'
m
maki
ngmyf i
nal deci
sioni
nthreedays,
butfor
now,Ineedt
or el
ax.
I
'm aboutt
olockupatthebouti
queandi
n
walksthedoghi
mself
,Brian.
Me-"Br
ian,
Ireal
l
ydon'
thaveti
mef
ort
hisr
ight
now"Isayi
nanannoyedtone.
I'
m ser
ious,Ijustwanttostayfarawayfr
om the
malespeciesf ornowit'
sforthebest
.I'
m
connectedinev erywaypossi
bletoEve,i
tfeel
s
l
ikeI'
m suffocating.
Iworkf
orEve,Ihav
efeeli
ngsforherhusband
andnowI'
m supposedtobeinar el
ati
onshi
p
wit
hherhusband'
abestfr
iend.I
t'
stoomuch!

Letmenotgetst art
edonBr i
anandhi sslyway s.
Icalledhim afterthatawkwarddinneratEv e'
s
place.Healway smanagest oputmebacki na
goodmood, andIwascr avi
ngalaught hatday .
Ihadj ustr
ecei vedthecontr
actfr
om Si ya'
s
l
awy er,andr eali
tywaskicki
ngin,soIcal l
ed
Brian.Awomananswer edthephoneandt old
mehermanwasi ntheshowerandIshoul d
l
eav ehim alone.
Shecont
inuedt
otel
lmehowBr
iant
oldher
aboutmeandhowhe'
sonl
yaroundbecauseI
'
m
vul
nerabl
eandhav
enooneel
sesohef eel
s
obl
igedto.
Sheknewsomuchaboutme, itwasobv ious
thatIwasthetopicofthei
rpil
l
owt alk.That
disgustedme.Ineverwanttobeany one's
charit
ycase,andIwashonestlyhurtbyBr i
an.

Bri
an-"Zi
nhl
e,comeon!Don'
tbeli
kethat
,I
comebaringgif
ts"hesay
swhil
eholdi
ngouta
gi
ftbag.
Me-"Leav
eitont
hecounterandseey our
self
out.
"Isay
.Imaybet
akingabr eakfr
om men,
butshowmesomeonewilli
ngt or
efuseafree
gi
ft?
Hest
ri
dest owardsmeandIinvol
untari
lyt
akea
st
epback.Ihonestl
ydon'
tneedthi
srightnow.
Bri
an-"
Pleasej
ustopeni
t.Iwon'
tl
eav
eunt
ily
ou
do.
"
Me-"
Fine"

Itaket hebagfrom hi
m andt here'
sawr apped
box.Iunwr apitandfindagor geousRosegold
Michael Korswatchjuststar
ingatme.My
mout hcur v
esintoasmi l
e,asIt hi
nkofmy
mi sfortuneafewweeksagowhenIwas
muggedonmywayhome.Yi ptheytookmyTag
wat cht hatIhadconvenientl
ybor r
owedf r
om
Thabi atthebeginni
ngofourr elat
ionshi
p.

Br
ian-"
Youl
i
ke?
"
Me-"
ThankyouBr
ian.Nowl
eav
eBr
ian"Isayi
n
abor
edtone.
Hesof
tl
ychuckl
est
henl
ooksi
ntomyey
es.
Bri
an-"I'
m sorr
yaboutt
heothernight
,Iwi
shI
couldsayit'
snotwhatyout
hink,butI
'dbe
l
ying."
Gosh,
he'
sani
diot
.
Brian-"Zinhl
e,she' ssomeoneIhav erelati
ons
with.I'
vebeendi stant
,soshe'sbeenl isteni
ngin
onourconv ersationswhenIt hinkshe's
sleeping,andshe' sgonet hroughourt exts
countlesst i
mes.That 'stheonlywaysheknows
aboutt heinti
mat edetai
l
si nourconv ersati
ons.
ZinhleIwoul dnev erbetrayyourtrustlikethat,
yourpr esenceinmyl i
fehashadsuchaposi t
ive
effectonme.Pl easebelieveme. "

Me-"
Brian,t
here'
snoneedtoexpl
ainy
our
sel
f.
Webarelyknoweachother
."
Bri
an-"Howaboutwechangethatal
i
ttl
e.Let
'
s
dosomet hi
ng.May
bedinneroramovi
eor
both?
"
Idi
dwantt
oletl
ooseal
i
ttl
e,butnotwi
tht
his
womani
zer
.
Me-"
Maybeanothert
ime.I
'
m supert
ir
edand
mybedi
scall
ingmyname."
Br
ian-"
Okay
,gi
vemebackmygi
ft
."
Hereal
lyisanidiot
.Buthe'
sanidi
otthatmakes
melaugh,andthat'
swhatIneedri
ghtnow.I
needtolaugh.Isupposedi
nnerwon'
thurt
.

Me-"
Okay
,di
nner
.Asf
ri
ends!
"
Br
ian-"
Great
!Mov
iei
tis.
"
Ican'
thel
pbutl
aughandshakemyhead.Il
ock
upandweheadtoGatewaytocat
chamov i
e.

I'
mr eall
ygladItookhim uponhi sofferIt
hink
tomy selfaswemakeourwayhomei nhiscar.
Theev eningwastrulyworthit
.Idecidedto
tor
turehim andwat chachickfli
ck;badidea
becausehespoket heent i
reti
me!He' shil
ari
ous,
andhispr esencewasrefreshi
ng.

Wef
inal
l
yar
ri
veatmyhomeandhej
umpsout
,
wal
ksov
ert
omydoorandhel
psmeout
.
Br
ian-"
Ishoul
dhav
edonet
hist
hef
ir
stt
ime
ar
ound."
Me-"Thankyousi
r"Isayt ohi
m asIsl
ightl
y
curt
sy.Heleansi
ncloserandjustasIthi
nkhe'
s
abouttoki
ssme,hegiv esmeabearhugand
whisper
s"goodni
ghtZinhle.
"

Wi t
hthat,hejogsovertohissideandi sinthe
carwithinasecond.I'
m stil
lstandi
ngt here
confusedandal it
tl
eembar rassed,Ihadpar t
ed
myl i
psandcl osedmyey esinant i
cipati
on.He
fl
ickshislight
snudgingmet ogoi nsidethe
house.Iguesshe'srushingtoseeMbal ior
whoev erisontherosterfortoday.

ItakeaquickshoweronceI
'
mi nsi
dethehouse,
wearaonesieandmakemywayt omymom' s
room.Isnuggl
eupnexttoheronherbed.Thi
s
i
sexact
lywhatIneedr
ightnow,
thesemenar
e
conf
usi
ngme!
[
04/
17,
14:
35]Wdz:
[15]

Todayisdeeday.I
t'
saFr i
day,andaf t
erworkI
haveameet i
ngwithEv
eandSi ya.I'm st
il
lgoi
ng
backandfort
hwithmydeci si
on,Ijusthopethat
myinsti
nctski
ckinatt
hel astminuteandhelp
memakeasounddeci sionatleast.

It
'sal r
eadymyl unchhour ,
andIcan' tstomach
thet houghtoff ood,myst omachi sdoing
somer saults.Whi l
eInibbleonasandwi ch, my
phoner i
ngsandi t'
sEv e.Ij
ustl etitgoto
voicemai l
,becauseIdon' ttrustmy sel
fwi t
h
speaki ngr i
ghtnow.She' sprobablyj ust
conf i
rmi ngt hetimeforourmeet ingandi fI
hav eanydi et ar
ypr ef
erencesf orthi sevening.
She'ssuchawi fe!
Therestofthedayfl
iesbymuchtomy
di
sappoint
ment ,
becausenowit'
sti
met ol
ock
up,Si
ya'
sdriveri
salr
eadywait
ingoutsi
defor
me.
Ipackupandmakesur etocarr
ymynot epad
whereIhavejot
tedaddi
ti
onalnotesr
egardi
ng
thecont
ract
.
Onmywayt othei
rhouse,
Ipaget
hroughmy
phoneandcomeacr ossavoi
cemessagefr
om
earl
i
erthatEvelef
t.

Eve-"Zinhle,I'
m sosor r
ybutIcan' tmakei t
toni
ght .Icompl etelyforgotaboutt he
conferenceI '
vebeenpr epar i
ngforf orages.It
's
thi
sev ening,soI 'v
ehadt of l
ytoCapeTown.I
wishIcoul dgetoutofi t,butI'
mt hekeynot e
speakersoi t
'simpossi ble.You'l
lbemeet i
ng
withSiy aalonef ortoday ,he'
llj
ustrelayyour
thought sandsoont ome.Onceagai n,I
'm sorr
y.
Makeyoursel
fathomewheny ouarriv
e,Ilef
t
somelasagneint
hef r
idgesodon'tstarv
emy
man.AndZinhl
e,I'
l
lrespectanydecisi
ony ou
make!
"

Thi
smustbeajoke,t
here'
snoot
herway.I
'
llbe
al
onewithhi
m wi
thnothi
ngtodi
str
actme.
Zi
nhlebehav
e!

Iarr
iveatthefortr
essandt hegatesopen.I
makemywayoutoft hecar,I'
mt aki
ngt he
smalleststepsimaginablejusttoprolongthe
walktot helar
gedoor .Ieventual
lyreachthe
doorandr ingthedoorbellwithmyt r
embling
fi
nger.

"
Comi
ng!
"Heshout
sfr
om i
nsi
de.
It
akeaf
ewdeepbr
eat
hsi
n,Icandot
his!
Heopenst
hedoor
,wear
ingnot
hingbut
char
coal
greysweat
pant
s.

It
rav
el myeyesov erhi
storsoandmakemy
waydowntohi sdeep"V"leadi
ngdownsout
h.
Heclear
shisthroatandsays.

Hi
m-"
Sorr
y,Iwasi
ntheshower
.Comeoni
n
Mi
ssKhumalo.
"
Well hedi
dsayt hatwhatconnectsuswould
purelybeabusinesstransact
ion.Ij
ustdi
dn'
t
assumet hathe'
dbet hisfor
mal.SoIguess
cal
lingmet hatwill
bethenorm now.

Si
y a-"
Makey oursel
fcomf or
table,Ij
ustneedt o
grabasweat erandmakemy selfalitt
lemore
presentabl
e.Myapol ogiesforthis"hesay s
pointi
ngathisabs.Ijustlookaway ,because
mybodyal way sdeceivesmewhenI '
m around
hi
m.
Withthat
,hedisappear supstai
rsandleaves
met omakemywayi nsideal
one.Ideci
deto
occupythedini
ngr oom, si
ncehe'sbei
ngformal
,
si
tti
nginfrontoftheTVwoul dprobablybea
badidea.
Hemakeshiswaytomeandchoosestheseat
opposi
teme.Heseemsprepar
edt
oo,because
he'
sgotinhandacopyoft
hecont
ract
,hi
siPad
andapen.

Him-"Let'
sjustpl
oughthr
ought
hisnow.The
soonerthebetter
."Hesay
sinafor
maltone.
Me-"
Per
fect
"IIsaycool
l
y
Me-"I
'dli
keustotur
nourat
tent
iontoSect
ionB,
subheadingB2,
page4onmycopy .Rul
e5; No
cel
lphone?"
Si
ya-"
Itwouldn'
tbeconf
iscat
edMissKhumalo.
Wewouldjustpref
erali
miteduseofi
tdur
ing
thepregnancy
.Wewoul dpref
erf
orourchil
d
nottobeexposedt osuchhar
shradi
oacti
ve
waves.Howev ert
hatwill
becl
ari
fi
edinthefi
nal
draf
t.
"
Me-"
Not
ed.Rul
e8;
Nocooki
ng?
"
Him-"Thekitchenhassharpobjectsandof
cour
set hemi crowav
e.Thesamesent iments
appl
yaswi thr ul
e5regar
dingthat.Agai
n,that
wil
lbeclari
fi
ed. "
Me-"Iwoul dactuall
ypreferforrules5upt o37
toberev i
ewed.I'l
lhaveacur few,the
temperatureofthewat erinmybat hr
oom will
beregulated,bei
ngr est
rict
edt oroom
temperaturewaterfordrinki
ng, pr
epl anned
meals,l
isteni
ngt oclassi
calmusi c,andnosex?
Siy
..MrNy at
hi i
t'
sal i
tt
leexcessivedon'tyou
thi
nk?"
Siya-"
Iunderstandyourconcerns,however
theserulesandregulat
ionshavebeendesigned
toprotectyourheal
thaswel l
ast hatoft
he
baby.Wewantt hebestofthebestf orourchi
ld,
andthatdoesnotincludeastrangeman
rel
easi
nghisloadaf ewcentimet er
sawayf r
om
wheremybabywi llbecooking.Ifabsti
nenceis
goingtobeastruggleforyou,thenIsuppose
wehav eaproblem onourhands. "
Hesay sashelooksatmeintentl
y.Icanfeelmy
cheeksheatupwithembarrassment.He
excuseshimsel
ffrom t
hetableandemer ges
withaglasscont
aini
ngwhatIassumei s
whiskey.Fr
om whereI'
m si
tti
ng,i
t'
sat r
ipl
e.

It
's00:45am andwe' resti
ll
atit.I
'm exhaust
ed
andfami shed,butIwantSiyatocompr ehend
thatI
'm notadoor matandt hatI'
mtakingthis
seri
ously.Somuchsot hatIdecli
nedabot tl
eof
wine,Ineversaynot owine.

Si
ya-"
OkayMissKhumal
o,you'
vedriv
eny our
poi
nthome.Bef
orewecont
inue,ar
ey ou
consi
der
ingt
his?Wi
l
lyoubeoursur
rogat
e?"
Me-"
Yyee.
."
beforeIconti
nue,her ushesovert
omeand
scoopsmeupi ntoawar m embrace.Herepeat
s
thewords" t
hanky ou"overandoveragainandI
canfeelhisheartjumpingoutofhischestwit
h
excit
ement .
Hefi
nal
lyletsgoandapol
ogizesf
or"cr
ossing
thel
i
ne"thisismycuetoheadtotheki
tchen
andwarm upourfood.

I
'm notint hemoodt ohearhowmuchweneed
tokeepourhandst oour sel
ves,becausequite
fr
anklyI'
venev eri
niti
atedphy si
calcontactto
beginwith.We'reseatedatt hetableenjoy
ing
ourdinnerwhileSiyaisogl i
nghisphonewi tha
widesmi l
eonhi sface.Iguesshe' stol
dEv e,
becauset heykeeptextingbackandf orth.
Heputshisfor
kdownandwal ksovertomy
si
deofthetabl
e.Assoonashe'sclosebythe
hai
rsonthebackofmyneckst andup.Idon'
t
wanttol
ookathim soIconcentr
ateonthe
l
asagneinfr
ontofme.

Hesi t
sdownbesi demeandgr absmy
trembli
nghand.I'
m sti
ll
notlooki
ngathi m,I
knowI '
ll
getlosti
nthosehazelcreat
ionsandI
don'twanttodisr
espectEv
e'shomel ikethat
that.

Him-"Zinhle,Iknowt hisisn'tanidealsit
uation,
butit
'swhatt heuniver sehast hrownatus.I
hatethatthisi showi t'sgoingt obe,because
fr
anklyIdon' tthinkIcant rustmy sel
faround
you.Howev er,thanky oufrom t hebottom ofmy
heart
.Ifeel elated,andt hisnewsget ssweet er
becausey ou'ret heonegi vingmet hegreatest
gif
tIcouldaskf or
."
Ismile,andf oraspl itsecondIpi ctur
ehowmy
l
ifewoul dbei fhewer en'tmar r
ied.Iwonder
whatgl ori
oust hingshewoul dhav edonet omy
body.Iwonderi fourr el
at i
onshipwoul dbel ong
term andifwe' dhav ekids, andi fthey'
dhav ehis
eyesandmysmi le.Iquicklysnapoutoft hi
s
daydr eam, Ican'thav ethisat t
achmentt o
someonet hatsobadl yyear nstohav eaf amily
withsomeoneel se.Thef actthathe' sokaywi t
h
mei ncubatingt heirbabyt ell
smet hathis
feel
ingsformear enowher enearasdeepas
minef orhim.

I'
m genuinel
yhappyf orthem,Icanonlyhope
thatonedayI '
llhavethi
stoo.Si
yakeepshinti
ng
thatIshouldgetanUbert otakemehome, he's
boardinghispri
v at
eplaneinanhourto
celebrat
ethegoodnewswi thEve.Iguessthi
s
i
si t,
I'
m mer el
yanov eninhiseyesandI
shoul
dn'
texpectany
thi
ngmor
efr
om hi
m.
Whathav
eIj
ustagr
eedt
o?

[
04/
17,
16:
11]Wdz:
[16]

Thef ollowingweekswer est ressfultosaythe

l
east .Meet ingswi thlawy ersbecamemyev ery
dayr ealit
y.Si yaandEv ewant edt hi
st obedone
withoutahi tch, sotheyev enhiredmeal awyer
soast oensur et hatIclear l
yunder stoodevery
wor dint hecont ract.Evewasexpandi ngher
"empi re"soshewasn' taroundasof ten,but
whenshewas, shemadeherpr esenceknown.
Herexci t
ementcoul dn'tbecont ai
ned,andIwas
contentwi t
hbei ngther easonf ortheir
happi ness.

Ihadt
ocookupagoodl
i
etot
ell
mymom so
thatshewoul dn'tbeworr
iedaboutmy9mont h
disappearancefrom herl
ife.Ev
et r
iedtourge
met ojustletherinonsomeoft hedetail
s,butI
wascer tai
nthatwasnotanopt i
on.Weagr eed
onhaltingmyv isit
swithmymom onceIst artto
show.NowIj ustneedtomakemyal ibiai
rti
ght.

I'
vebeengr av i
tat i
ngmor etowar dst el
li
ngher
thatIgotaf ul
l bursar
ysomewher ef arli
ke
Nor t
hWest .That '
lputhermindateaseandwi l
l
explainmynotbei ngaroundasof ten.I
'l
lhave
toappl ytoenr ollatUNISA,I'
llbecoupedup
i
ndoor sforal mostay earofmyl ife,Imightas
wel l
dosomet hi ngproducti
vei nthepr ocess.
PerhapsI '
llexplaineverythi
ngt omymot herone
day ,butIdon'tseei thappeningint henear
future.

Nowt hatI
'm somewhatsat
isf
iedwi
tht
he
changesinthecont
ract
,nowgoesthenext
phaseofourprocess;themedi
calexaminati
ons.
Idon'
tevenunderstandwhythi
shast obeso
i
ntense,
becausethisbabywon'tbebiol
ogical
ly
mine.I
'mli
ter
all
yjustservi
ngasanov en.

SiyaandEv e, howeverrequestedf ort he

processt obedonei nacer t
ainway , andI'
m
ti
redofaski ngquest ionsandhav i
ng
reservati
ons; soI'l
lj
ustoblige.Att hi
spoi ntI
'm
certai
nt hatt hiscouplereall
ydoeshav emy
bestinterestsathear taswel l,andinor derfor
thi
sar rangementt owor k,Iwil
l havet otr
ust
them compl etely
.Mightaswel lstartnow.

I'
m atRoccomamas, abouttoi
ndul
geinthi
s
monstrosi
tyofacheeseburgerwhenEve
comesbar gi
ngi
ninterr
upti
ngmymoment .

Ev
e-"
Zinhl
e,don'
tyout
hinky
oushoul
doptf
ora
sal
adinstead?Youdon'twantthosetoxi
nsin
yourbodygirl
.Besi
des,Ithi
nkyoushouldget
usedtoahealthi
erli
fest
ylesoonerrat
herthan
l
ater.
"Shetakesmybur gerandtel
lsthe
wait
resstotakeitaway.

I'
m soangr y,
I'
m shaking.Idon'
twantt
osay
anythingImightregretsoItakemybagand
hopi ntoacabout si
deandheadbackt ot
he
boutique.Thatwasr eal
lyuncal
ledf
or,
Eveis
notmymakerandi sshetryi
ngtoshowmea
gli
mpseofwhat '
st ocome?

Evearri
vessoonafterme,andtherestofthe
daywe'retr
yingourbesttoavoi
deachother.
We'repacki
ngupf ortheday,
andsheaskst o
speaktomei ntheback.Letmebracemy sel
f.

Ev
e-"
Zinhl
e,y
ouknowt
hatIhav
eyourbest
i
nter
estsatheart
.Wi t
ht hatsai
d,forpr
ett
y
muchthenextyearofy ourli
fe,Iownyou
sweety
.Sodoy oursel
faf avorandjustdowhat
Isay
."
Ican'tbelievemyear s,Igr
abmybagand
charget owar dst hedoor.Notsoonenough,
becauseshegr abshol dofmyar m.Myr ef
lexes
areov erl
ysensi tiveatthi
stimebecauseIlanda
sl
apacr osshercheek.WhenIr eal
i
zewhatI '
ve
doneIat temptt ogetclosertoherand
apologize, butshescr eamsf ormet ol
eave.

Irushoutthestoreandbumpi nt
oSiyaoutside.
Ican'
thelpmy self,
Irunstrai
ghti
ntohisarms
andjustsob.Iholdont ohi
sbroadshoulders,
andhiswar mthfinall
ycalmsmedown.Hel if
ts
mychinupandwi pesmywetcheekswi thhis
handkerchi
ef.Ij
ustgazedeepi ntohi
seyest hat
Icangetlostinforcenturi
es.
Siy
a-"doy
ouwanttotel
lmewhathappened?
"I
shakemyheadnoandsnuggl
emyheadonhi s
chest
.
Me-" Ij
ustneedahug"Isayt ohiminawhining
voice.Hechuckl
essoftl
yandsqueezeshi s
armsar oundmeandIf eelbett
er.I
'
vejustbeen
soov erwhel
med,thi
sisexactlywhatIneed.It
defini
tel
yhelpst
hatSiy
ai stheonetothe
rescue.
Ev
e-"
andwhat
'sgoi
ngonher
e?"
Damn!
[
04/
17,
16:
12]Wdz:
[17]

Ijumpof fSiya'
schestandcont empl at
e
whet hertogi vehi
m hishandkerchi efbackor
not.Ishoul dprobablywashi tf
irst.IseeEve
mar chingtowar dsussoIr un/wal kawayf r
om
them.Peopl earelooki
ngatmel ikeast ol
e
somet hing,becauseEv ekeepscal lingaft
erme,
butt
her
eisnowayI
'
m st
oppi
ng!

If
inal
l
ymakemywayhomeanddeci
det
okeep
mymi ndbusywi
thcooki
ng.
DinnerisreadyandI
'm catchingupwi t
hmy
mom i nfr
ontoftheTV.Mymot herhasstor
ies
fordays,andherimpersonati
onsar etopnotch,
soI '
m curr
entl
yinst
it
chesandI '
vealmost
forgott
enaboutthemessI 'v
et hrownmy sel
fin.
Untilmyphonebeeps.Textmessagesf rom
Siya.
"
Weneedt
otal
k"
"
Cal
lme"
"
Zinhl
e,I
'
m comi
ngt
her
enow!
"
"I
'
m out
side"
"Comeout
side,
orI
'
llknockony
ourmom'
sfr
ont
door"
Thelastoneisenoughformetojol
tofft
he
couch,Idon'
twanttotestwhet
herhe'
stel
li
ng
thetr
uthornot.
Mom-"
what
'swr
ongZi
Zi?
"
Me-"
Idon'
thavecel
lserv
iceandI'
m expect
ing
acal
l
,I'
m gonnagooutsi
dequickl
y.
"
Mom-"Thabi
?Areyoutwof
ixi
ngthi
ngsfi
nal
ly
?I
wonderwhatyoudi
dtomakehimfi
nal
lygi
ve
up.
"
IhadtoldherthatThabiandIweretaki
nga
break,
becauseshenot i
cedmet aki
ngpubl
ic
tr
ansportal
lthetimeandsheknowshowThabi
wasagainstmet aki
ngtaxi'
s.

Accor
dingt ohim,hedidn'
twantmetobeogl
ed
byper
v ersetaximen.Iobvi
ousl
ydi
dn'
t
complain,becausewhowould?

Me-"
I'
ll
ber
ightbackma.
"
ImakemywaytoSi
ya'
sRangeandwonderj
ust
howmanycar
sthi
smanhas.
Me-"Si
ya,It
houghtweagreedt ostopmeeti
ng
l
iket
his.I
'
m overwhelmedasi ti
s,andIdon'
t
wantanymoreconfusi
onrightnow."
Siy
a-" Isetupthi
smeeti
ng,soI
'l
lbedoi
ngt
he
tal
king."Inodl
ikeani
diot
.Ihat
etheaut
hor
it
y
hehasov erme.
Siya-"asIwassay i
ng,Iheardy ouslappedmy
wifetoday .I'
m notevenangry, butdisappointed
thatyou'ddosomet hi
nglikethat.Wi ththatsaid,
Eveal sof i
ll
edmei nabouthowsheaggr avated
thesituation.Thebothofy ouar egrownwomen.
Ihavemi nestomanage, monument st obui l
d,
milli
onRanddeal stosignoffon.Doy out hinkI
needt hiscrapfrom eit
herofy ou?"

He'shuffi
ngandpuf f
ing,andI'm hal
fscar
ed,
buthalfarousedaswell.Ipartmyl i
psand
att
emptt ospeak,butnothingcomesoutsoI
bi
temybot
tom l
i
pandj
ustl
ookathi
m.
Si
ya-"
Don'
tdot
hat
,damni
tZi
nhl
e"
Hewhi
sper
s
Me-"
I'
m so.
.r
ry"
Idon'
tevenknowwhatI'
m apol
ogi
zi
ngf
or,
butI
guessi
t'
swhatIshoul
ddo.
Siya-"actual
ly,getoutofmycar.Myassi
stant
wil
l contactyounextweekregardi
ngyour
medi calanalysis.Ev
eissor
ryaboutt
odayby
theway .Zinhle.."
Il
ookupathi
m andgetl
osti
nhi
sey
esasusual
.
Si
ya-"
pleasegetoutofmycar
"
It
ryt
opr
otest
,buthei
nter
ject
s.
Si
ya-"
Now!
"
Iopent
hedoorandheadbacki
ntot
hehouse.

*
*SI
YA*
*
Hi,I
'
m SiyabongaNyathi.I
'm Eve'shusband.I'
m
37yearsoldandI'dli
ketoconsi dermyself
somewhatofabusi nessmogul .From anear l
y
ageIalwayshadmyey essetont hekindoflife
Iwantedtoliv
e,andIthinkit
'ssafetosayt hat
I'
mlivi
ngitri
ghtnow.

Overt
hepast2y ear
sI'
vesetmyfocusfr
om
const
ructi
ontomini
ngandit'
sthebestt
hing
I'
veeverdone.

EveandIhavebeenmar ri
edforacoupl
eof
year
s,I'
m notgoodwit
hdat esandsent
iment
al
stuf
fli
kethatsoIcan'
treal
lysayj
usthowmany
year
swe'vebeenmar r
ied.

EveandIhav
ealwaysbeenfriendsabove
ev
erythi
ngel
se,
andt hat
'swhathashelpedus
over
comeourmilest
onesthroughoutt
hey ear
s.
I'
vealway
simaginedhavi
ngasquadofbabi
es,
becauseIwantmylegacytol
i
veon,Iwant
someonetocall
medad.

Unfortunat elyEveandIhav ebeenunsuccessf ul

i
nt hatdepar tment .Beforewest arteddat i
ng,
Evewasi nat oxi
cr el
ati
onshi pandshewas
reall
ybr okenwhenwemet .Turnsout ,shewas
pregnantwi thherex' schild.Onedaysheasked
forsomemoneyt odoherhai r
,wehadbar ely
start
eddat ingatt hispoint, butIlovedspoi l
ing
hersoIwi ll
inglytransferredhert hemoney .
Litt
ledidIknowt hatshewas22weeks
pregnant ,sosheusedt hemoneyt opay
someonet oper f
or m anillegal t
ermi nati
on.She
bledoutandwasr ushedt ot hehospi t
al,and
disappear edf or2weeks.Sher eemer gedand
gavemesomeexcusewhi chIbel i
eved.Ionly
foundt hisout2y ear sint
oourmar riage.
Shewaslosingwei ght,havingnightmar esand
wasawalkingzombi e.Mymot hertookhertoa
tr
adi
ti
onalhealer,
andt hat'
swhent henews
cameout.Shehadt oper f
orm ar i
tualforthe
babywhi
chIf unded.Soi t
'ssafetosayt hatmy
motheri
sdef i
nit
elynotapar toftheEv efan
cl
ub.

Thatwasadar kt imei nourli

v es,butwe
managedt oov ercomei t.Yousee, Evecame
i
ntomyl i
fewhenIneededst abili
tythemost .I
wasawor kahol i
candhadl ostsightofwhati tis
Iwaswor kingf or.Webecamef ri
ends, she
madesur eIwasf ed,shepaidat t
entiont othe
smalldet
ai l
sofmyl i
fe,soIfiguredthenext
natur
alstepwoul dbemar ri
age.Soher ewear e.
Acoupleofy earsl at
erwi t
hnobaby ,andEv e
bl
amesher self,andIknowIshoul dn'tsayt his
butIhavesl i
ghtr esentmentt owar dsherf or
whatshedi dy ear sago.Ifeeldeepdowni nside,
i
t'
shinderingusf rom conceivingsomehow,
alt
hought hedoctorshaveensuredus
otherwi
se.I'
m notgettinganyyounger
,Iwantt
o
reti
rebythetimeI'm 50,butIt
houghtI'
dhave
myownbl oodtakeov ermyempi r
e.

That'
swher eZinhlecomesi n.Lord, wheredoI
star
t.Thef irstdayIsawher ,Icouldn'thelpbut
j
ustpauseandadmi r
eherbeaut y.Itwas
capti
v ati
ngt osaythel east.IrememberI
coul
dn' tgetmysi steroutoft herest aurantf
ast
enought hatday .I
'venev ersteppedoutonmy
marriage,andI '
venev erintendedt o,butZinhl
e
l
eavest inglesonev eryinchofmybody .Ican
communi catewithherwi thoutspeaki ng,our
soul
sj ustconnect .

AsIsaid,I
'm notasenti
mental person,soI'
ve
neverhadany t
hingtocomparet ruelov
et o.So
I
'vealwaysassumedt hati
fI'
mt akencareof,
thenI'
m probablyl
oved,t
hefairt hi
ngtodo
woul
dbet
oreci
procat
eri
ght
?

Althought hetingli
ngsensat i
onst hatli
ngeron
foreverhav ekeptmeupatni ght.Thef eeli
ngsI
hav ef orZinhlearef oreign.Idon'tevenknow
hert hatwel l,
yetshef eelsli
kehome.Thi sis
whyIhav etoni pthisint hebudbef ore
tempt at i
onget sthebet terofme.Myf at
her
cheat edonmymot hercount lesstimes,isaw
howi tbrokeherwhenv ari
ouswomenwoul d
comet odeclaretheirpr egnancies.Itbecame
wor sewhenmyf atherpassedon, thechildr
en
thatcamet ogett heirnonexistentinheri
tance.
That'
swhyIswor et
hatIwoul dneverbethat
man.I'
llsuppresswhatev erfeel
ingsIhavefor
Zinhl
euntilt
heycompl etelydisappear.Ij
ust
hopeitwill
bepossible,especiall
ywi t
husl i
vi
ng
underthesamer oofsoon.
ImustsayIaddedt
hepartwheresheshoul
d
resi
dewit
hus.That
'sast
oryforanot
herday.
[
04/
17,
16:
12]Wdz:
[18]

Siya'
smi xedsignal
sareinfur
iat
ing.Itwoul
dbe
easierformet ofor
getabouthimi fhe'
dstop
maki ngadvancesonme, becausenowI 've
takenacoupl eofstepsbackwards.
Worstpar
tisthatthere'
snoescapi
nghi m,i
na
fewmonthsI'l
lbehishousemate.Whichiswhy
Ineedadistr
acti
on,fornowIshouldl
iveand
enj
oymylife,
becausev er
ysoonitwon'tbemy
own.

Thenextcoupl eofday sar esombr e.Ideci

ded
topostponet hemedi cal scr
eeningforafew
weeks, j
usttowr apmyheadar oundeverythi
ng.
Evehasn'tbeenatt heshopsi ncetheinci
dent,
andev enourconv ersati
onsov ert
hephonear e
awkwar d.Ineedsomel ightont hi
sdarkness,so
Ideci
det ocallBrian.Wespeakal most
every
day ,evenifit
'sjustsendingeachot her
memes.We'vereal
l
yformedagreatf
ri
endshi
p,
hetr
iestomakeadvancesonme,butIknowi
t'
s
j
ustbecausehe'
saserial
fli
rt
.
Br
ian-"
Zee!
"
Me-"Br
ian!
"Isayi
nawhi
nyt
one,
hechuckl
es
sof
tl
y.
Br
ian-"
Outwi
thi
t,whatdoy
ouwant
?"
Me-"
Welli
fyou'
regonnabemean,
I'
m notgoi
ng
t
otel
lyou.
"
Br
ian-"
Sweetf
ace,
whatcanIdof
ory
ou?
"
Me-"That
'smorel
i
kei
t!Whatar
ey ourplans
t
onight?Whatdoy
ousaywepaintthetown
r
ed?"
Bri
an-"
Well
,I
'
m actual
l
yinJhbrightnow.But
si
nceyou'
veaskedsonicel
y,I
'
llpi
cky ouupat
9pm."
Me-"Br
ianno.Ithoughtt
hatmaybey
ouwere
ar
ound.Wecanr eschedul
eanddosomet
hing
whenyou'r
eintown."
Bri
an-"
I'm notafoolt
oletanofferl
i
kethi
sgo
towaste.I
'll
takeafri
end'
splaneinanhouror
so.Youjustbereadyby9pm.By esweetface!
"
Wit
hthathehangsup.He'ssuchabr
eat
hof
f
reshai
r,exact
lywhatIneeded!

Ican'
twai
tforclosingti
me,i
nmymi
ndI
'
m
alr
eadyonmyt hir
ddr i
nk.
Therestofthedayisratherbusy
,I'
vebarel
yhad
ti
met osi
tdownandhav elunch,
butI'
m not
complai
ning.Keepi
ngbusymeansmymi ndis
toooccupiedtoover
think.

I
t'
sfinall
ycl
osi
ngti
meandI'm att
heback
wrappingupsomepaperwor
kwhenIhearthe
dooropen.
Me-"Sor
ry,we'
recl
osed!"Iyel
lasIgetupoff
myseat.Ihearf
ootst
epsapproachingtheback
doorandIthi
nktheworst.Maybethisi
sa
robbery.It
aketheclosest"
weapon"tome;a
staplerandsayasil
entprayer
.Thedoorknob
turnsandIchargetowardsitwit
hall
mymi ght
.
Si
ya-"
whoahwhoahZi
nhl
e,i
t'
smeSi
ya,
it'
sme!
"
I
'v
ebeenpunchi ngandkicki
ngwithall
my
mightforatl
east30seconds,andhehasn't
movednotev enaninch.All
ofmyeffortswere
wastedonSiya.Whatishedoinghere?
He'
sgotafi
rm gr
iponmyhandsandhet el
ls
metobreat
heindeepl
y,asI
'
m st
il
ltr
yingto
cat
chmybreat
h.
Isnatchmyhandsawayandmar cht
othedesk
tograbmyhandbagandcel
lphone.
Me-"
yourwi
fei
sn'
ther
e,andIwasj
ustl
eav
ing.
"
Si
ya-"
Isee,
Ijustcan'
tgethol
dofher
,andshe
i
sn'
tathome."
Ilookathi
m wi
thabor
edexpr
essi
ononmy
face.
Me-"
pleaseexcuseme.
"
He'
sblocki
ngthedoor wayandhe'snotshi
fti
ng
tot
heside.I
nsteadhest r
idestowar
dsme, and
bef
oreIknowit,he'
sinchesfrom myfaceand
mybreathi
ngchanges.
Hecov ersmymout hwi thhi s,andasIt ryto
protest,hepi cksmeupandwr apsmyl egs
aroundhi swai standwal ksov ertot hedesk.He
gentlypl acesmeont hedeskandst ands
betweenmyl egs.Hehi kesupmydr essand
ni
bbl esonmyearwhi lehi shandsr oam my
l
owerbody .Het r
acessof tkissesf r
om myneck
andf inallyonmyi nnert highs.I'm breathing
uncont rollably,andwhenhel icksmycast le
overmyl aceunder wear ,Ialmostgoov erthe
edge.
Ijumpupfr
om thedeskandpushhi
m away
,
thist
imehetakesastepback.

Me-"
NoSi
ya!No!
"
Ishoutathi
m.
Me-"Idon'
tdeser
vet
his!You'
remarri
ed,stop
messingwit
hme.Justleavemealone!"Icry
outl
oud.
Ashet r
iest
omovecloser
,Igrabmyt hi
ngsand
bangthedooronmywayout .Il
eftt
hekeyson
thedesksohecanl
ockup.
Now,
Idef
ini
tel
yneedt
hatdr
ink!

Iarr i
vedathome2hour sago.Iqui ckl
ygot
star t
edont hepot sandcl eanedthehouse
si
mul taneously .Ineedtobut t
erupmymom
bef oregoi ngout .Lucki
lyshe'sataf ri
end'
s
bridal shower, soIwon' thavet oli
stentoher
guilttripme.Lor dknowst hatshe'sgoodatthat
.
I'
l
l sendherashor ttexttotellherthatI
'm
l
eav i
ng, hopefullyshedoesn'tcall!

I
'mi
nmyr oom,si
tti
ngcross-
leggedinfrontof
myf
ull
lengthmir
ror.I
nonehand, Ihav
emy
Hennessyandlimeconcocti
on,andintheother,
mymakeupbr ush.I
'
m putt
ingalotofeffor
t
i
ntomyl ookt
onight,i
t'
sbeenawhilesinceIfelt
sexy
,andbesides,Iwantt
omakesomepeopl e
sweattoni
ght
!

Themount ainofclothesIkeept ossingonmy

bedisincreasing,andIst i
l
l haven'tdeci dedon
anout f
it
.I'vedecidedhowev erthataj umpsuit
won'twor kfortonight.Ii
ntendt odr owni nthe
l
iquors,thatmeansal otofbat hroom br eaks,
andaj umpsui thastoomuchadmi n.SoIset t
le
onanof ftheshoul derredfreakum dr esswith
fai
rysleeves.It'
snott oomuch, andi nthiscase
l
essisdef init
elymor e.

Mya$$i speachy ,
mywai sti
ssnatched,my
br
eastsaretight.I
'm maki
ngmyownsel fsweat
ali
tt
le.Isweepmycur l
sovertooneside,and
l
ookatmyr eflecti
oninthemirror
.Gir
ls,l
ock
yourmenaway!Iputonachoker,scr
appyheel
s
andcarr
yagoldclut
ch.Icomplet
emyl ookwit
h
aredli
pandsnapsomephot os.
Mymi ni
phot oshooti
sint
errupt
edbyBr ianface
ti
mi ngme, Idon'
tanswerthough,becauseI
wantt oseehi sr
eacti
onwhenheseesmei n
personrather.

Il
ookt hr
oughthewindow, he'
sbroughtt
heG
wagont ocomeandpl ay,andIdon'
tmindatall
.
Isayasmal l
prayeraski
ngGodt okeepmesaf e,
Inevergoanywherewithoutprayi
ng.TheLor
d
hasseenmet hroughsomer eall
ydif
fi
cult
si
tuati
ons.

Ir
eachthecarout
side,
andBr
iani
svi
sibl
y
i
mpressedwit
hwhathesees.
Me-"
it
'sr
udet
ost
are,
youknow.
"
Hewhi
stl
esandmakesmedoa360degr
ee
t
urnf
orhi
m.
Bri
an-"Sweetf
ace,doyoubl
amemet hough?I
l
ooklikeapeasantnextt
oyou,
shoul
dIgo
change?"

Bri
anhasaf l
airfort
hedr
amati
cs,I'
venoti
ced
thi
s.He'
slooki
ngy ummyinhi
sjeans,gol
ferand
Guccibomberjacket
.Hesmel
lsgoodenought o
eattoo.
Me-"
areyougoingt
odrool
thewhol
eni
ght
,or
ar
eyougonnaletmein.
"
Hef
inal
l
yopenst
hedoorf
ormeandwel
eav
e.
Bri
an-"
Let'
sgetfuel
edupwit
hsomef
oodf
ir
st
andgetourl
iv
ersready
,shal
lwe?
"
Me-"Fort
onightweshallpart
akeinaturnup!"I
shoutasIi
ncreasethevolumeont heradi
o.He
l
aughsloudl
yandwedancei nthecaraswe
makeourwayt otherest
aurant.
[
04/
17,
16:
12]Wdz:
[19]
Thefoodwasdel
ectabl
e,butnowit'
sti
mef
or
themainev
ent
,we'r
eofftotheclub.
Wear ri
veattheclub,andwer ecei
veVI P
tr
eatment.Itdefi
nitel
yboost syourego, when
youwal ki
ntoapl acewi thawellestabl
ished
person.There'
snowai tinginlongqueues, no
tr
yingtonegotiat
eent rancefees,nokissingass
j
usttogetapl acet osi
tandnobudget ingfor
yourdri
nks.

We'r
eseatedatourVI Pcubicl
e,andit
'sjusthi
m
andIonourcouches.Thet abl
eisdeckedout
wit
hdri
nks,andIcanseet hethot'
sey ei
ngBr i
an
l
ikehe'
sapieceofmeatandt heyhaven'teat
en
i
nweeks.Idecidetositnexttohim,because
wemaynotbet oget
herbuthe'smydat e,and
he'
sminetonight.
Themusicisri
ght,t
hedri
nksarefl
owingand
we'
reenj
oy i
ngeachother
'scompany.Thi
sis
j
ustwhatthedoctorpr
escri
bed.
We'
rehavi
ngharml
essfun,myl
egsar
eonhis
l
apandhe'ssmoot
hinghi
shandsont
hem ev
er
soof
ten.

Ourmomenti
sint
err
upt
ed.
"
Bri
an!Zi
nhl
e!"
I
t'
sEveandSiy
a.I
sther
eanyescapi
ngt
hese
t
wothough?
Siy
a-"Fancyseei
ngyout
woher
e"hesay
swhi
l
e
easinghi
seyebrows.
Br
ianhasal
ookofconf
usi
ononhi
sface.
Brian-"
Itol
dyouIwascomi
ngher
ewi
thZi
nhl
e
tonight
."
Henarrowshi
seyesatSi
ya.Si
yapr
etendstobe
obl
i
vioustowhat
'sbeensai
dandsi
gnalsfora
cocktai
lwai
tr
ess,
whi
l
ehepl
onkshi
msel
fint
he
couches.

Eve-"
Thisissocool.Siyawant
edtoletl
oose
toni
ght,hei
nsi
stedhewant edtocomehere.
Yourbromanceisrathercut
e!"
Bri
an-"
wel
l,
let
'sgett
hispar
tygoi
ngt
hen!
"He
hel
psEvesi
tdownwhileIdownmydri
nki
none
gul
p.
Me-"I'
m goingtodance.
"IwhisperinBr i
an'
sear.
Il
etmyl ipsli
ngerawhil
elongeronBr i
an'sear,
makingitlookalotmoresult
rythanitis.Isee
Si
yaatt hecornerofmyeyeshiftuncomf ort
abl
y.
Good!
IrubBr
ian'
sthi
ghonel
astt
imeandheadf
ort
he
dancef
loor.

I
'm danci
ngli
kemylif
edependsoni
t.I
n
bet
weent het
werki
ngandthegri
ndi
ng,I
'
m
maki
ngaf
ewmensweat
.

Whi l
eI'
m gett
ingmygr ooveon,If eelmanl y
handscircl
emywai st.Ij
umpaway ,butit
'sonly
Bri
an.IlookoveratSiya,andthev einsonhi s
for
eheadar ebulgi
ngout.Ieventuallylookaway ,
becausehe'snotbli
nkingandhe' sscar i
ngmea
l
itt
le.

Icontinuet obumpandgr i
ndonBr ian,because
Irefuset oletanyonerui
nmyni ght
.Brian'
s
bulgeinhi spantsisgrowingbyt hesecondand
i
t'
ssnuggl edontomyl owerback.Ismi leto
my selfasIwat chEvewal ktohermanandgi ve
him al apdance.Ithinkthechampagnei s
wor ki
ngi t'
smagi conher.Siyahowev ersti
ll
hasn'tt akenhiseyesoffofBrianandI .

Mydancesessi
oni
sint
err
upt
edwhensomeone
tugsatmyarmr
oughly.Il
ookupandseenone
othert
hant
hemonsterhimsel
f,Thabi
.

BeforeBriancanact ,
hisfri
endsjumphi m and
att
ackhi m wit
hpunches.Thabi pullsmeacross
thedancef l
oor,I
'm ki
ckingandscr eamingand
seeEv eacrosstheroom justlookatme.Idon't
knowi fshe'
stooshockedt odoany thi
ngorif
shejustdoesn'twanttodoany t
hing.

Iscream outforSiyaandIseehimjumpacr oss

theroom.He'sinf r
ontofmewi t
hinasecond
andhe'slandi
ngpunchesonThabi andther
e's
bloodeverywhere.Siy
alooksli
kehe'sinatr
ans.

Me-"Siy
a,you'
regoi
ngtokil
lhi
m!"Iscream out
tohim.Thebouncer
sf i
nal
l
ygetSiyaoffof
Thabiwhoisnowont hefl
oorwit
hbloodall
overhi
sface.
Evef
inal
lycomesoutofnowher
eandhugsSi
ya
fr
om behi
nd.
Ev
e-"
Baby
,let
'sgo.
"
I'
m noti
nt hemoodt owatchthem t
oget
her.So
IgolookingforBr
ian.If
indhim ont
heother
si
deoft heclubwit
hani cepackonhisf
ist
.
Me-"
Bri
an,
arey
ouokay
?"
Bri
an-"
youshoul
dseet
heot
herguy
s.Nextt
ime
I
'l
lki
llt
hem"
Helaughssof
tl
y.Hecupsmychinwi
thhi
shand
andgivesmeaconcer
nedlook.
Me-"
I'
mfi
neBr
ian,
I'
m mor
ewor
ri
edabouty
ou.
"
Br
ian-"
I'
m goodsweetf
ace,t
heyj
ustcaughtme
of
fguard,butt
heymessedwitht
hewrongone.
It
hinki
t'
stimeweleftt
hispl
ace.
"
Me-"
Iagr
ee.
"
It
akehi
shandandwewal
kout
.IseeThabi
si
tti
ngatthebackofanambulanceoutsi
de,and
Iqui
ckl
ylookaway.Idon'
twanttofeel
guilt
y,so
i
t'
sbestjustt
oavoidi
t.

"
Bri
!"Si
yacal
l
soutfrom adi
stance,
andwe
makeourwaytohi
m andEve.
Eveisholdingontohermanf ordearlif
eand
shedoesn'tacknowledgeourpresence.She
asksBr i
anifhe'
sokay ,
andthat
'sit.Nomention
ofme.Si yafi
nal
lycomesclosertomeandasks
i
fI'm hurt
,andIshakemyheadv i
gorouslyas
tear
sescapemyey es.

Siyai
saboutt
opul
lmei
nforahugwhenEv
e
tugsonhi
m.
Eve-"
baby,
Ithi
nkweshouldj
ustgo.Idon'
t
wanttobehereany
more.Ipr
omiseI'
llmake
youfeel
bett
erwhenwegethome."
Si
yanodsandhi
sey
esar
elockedonmi
nef
ora
f
ewseconds.
Si
ya-"maybeweshouldtakeyouhomeZi nhl
e.
Br
ian'
shandlookspret
tybad.Idon'
tthi
nkit
wouldbesafeforhi
mtodr i
vealongdist
ance."
Ev
eisshoot
ingdagger
satme.
Iknowwhent
otakeahi
nt.
Me-"
No,I'
l
lbefi
ne.I
'l
lgohomewi
thBr
ianand
j
ustmakesur
ehe'sokay.
"
Si
yaf
rownsandbeforehecanpr
otest,
Evepul
ls
hi
mtowardsthei
rcar
.Hekeepsl
ookingbacki
n
mydi
rect
ion,
andIshakemyheadtryi
ngtotel
l
hi
mtostop.

Br
ian-"
Soy
ou'
respendi
ngt
heni
ghtwi
thme?
"
Me-"
Iguessso!
"
[
04/
17,
16:
12]Wdz:
[20]

Wear
eonourwayt
otheNy
athi
mansi
on,
and
I'
m dr
ivi
ngtheGwagon.I'm sadaboutBri
an'
s
hand,butwhenwil
lIgetanopportuni
tyt
odri
ve
suchacareveragai
n?
Bri
anwon'tletmegof ast
erthan80km/hev
en
onthefr
eeway .Hesayshe'shadenough
acci
dent
sf ortheday
.

We'r
egoingtotheNy athimansion,
becauseI
di
dsaythatBri
anst aysinSi
ya'spoolhouse
whenhe'
sinDur ban.Todayisnoexception.

Wef i
nall
yarri
ve,andIpar
kthecarcl
osetot
he
fount
ain.Bri
anisbehavi
ngli
kesuchababy,
he'sl
impingnowandwhi ni
ngall
thewaytohis
poolhouse.

Asweappr oachthepool
house,Ihear
foot
stepsbehindus,
andit'
sSi
ya.GoodLor
d!
Si
ya-"
arey
ouguy
sgood?Zi
nhl
eIcanof
fery
ou
aguestr
oom int
hemainhouser
atherj
ustso
you'
remorecomfor
tabl
e."
Me-"Nothanks,Iwanttomakesurethi
sbig
babysett
lesi
nandget sagoodnight
srestaft
er
al
ltheacti
onfrom ear
li
er.
"Isaysmil
i
ngatBrian.
Si
ya-"
well
Zinhl
e,y
ou'
renotadoct
or,
ther
e'snot
muchyoucando."
Br
ian-"
Ibegt
odi
ff
er.
"
Br
iangi
vesmeami
schi
evoussmi
l
e.
Bri
an-"
Dude,gobacki
nthehouseandmake
l
ovetoyourwif
e.Don'
tbetool
oud,we'
l
ltr
ynot
tobeei
ther
."
IsmackBrian'
sar
m, andhecr
iesout
.
Over
react
ingasusual.
Me-"
goodni
ghtSi
ya.
"
Iturnonmyheel andpull
Bri
ant ofol
lowme.
Siyastandsint
hesamespotf orwhatseems
l
ikeforever
.Wer eacht
hepool houseandI
fi
nallyseehi
m walkawaywit
hhi shandsinhi
s
pocket
s.Idon'
tunder
standwhati
tist
hatman
wantsfr
om me.

Weent ert
hespaciouspool house,
andit'
s
almostthesi
zeofmyhome.Br i
anwalksovert
o
theli
quorcabi
netandpul l
soutabot t
leof
whiskeyandoneofv odka.
Bri
an-"
sinceoureveni
nggotrui
ned,l
et'
shavea
l
it
tlef
un.Thenyoucant el
lmeaboutthoseguys
fr
om ear
lier
."Hesaysholdi
ngupthebottl
es.

HedisappearstowhatIassumeishi
sbedroom
andreemer gesinsweatpant
sandavest
.He
passesmeat -
shir
t.
Bri
an-"Ithi
nkthat
'l
lmakey
oumore
comfortabl
e.Youcanuset
heot
herbedr
oom t
o
change."
Inodandgoov
ert
otheot
herr
oom t
ochange.
Hi
st-shir
tcouldpassforadressonme, butI
l
ookrathercuteini
t.Igoovertothekitchento
whereheis,andhelooksadorableinhisapron.
He'
smaki ngsteakandasal ad.That'
swhenI
r
eali
zethatI'
m star
ving.Dr
inki
ngalwaysdoes
t
histome.

We'resi t
ti
ngont hefloorintheloungeandI
l
ookov eratBri
an,he'ssoador able.He'spl
aced
cushionsont hefloor,deckedoutourf oodona
fl
uffywhi t
eblanket.He'splacedoursnackson
thesideandl i
tcandlesal lovert
hehouse.We' r
e
havingagr eatti
met alki
ngaboutev er
ythi
ngand
nothing.

Ihavemyl egsonhislapandhe'sfeedi
ngme
str
awber r
ieswhil
ewesi ponouradult
beverages.It
hinkwe'v
epassedt heti
psystage,
andhishandsar etr
avell
i
ngallovermybody .
Hef l
i
psmeov erandhisbreat
hingchanges.
Brian-"
Sweet
face,
you'
regor
geousy
ouknow
that?"
Thatcomesoutasawhisperashet
rai
l
ssof
t
ki
ssesalongmyneck.

Hepul
l
supmyt
-shi
rtandst
aresatmybody
.
Br
ian-"
youl
ookgoodenought
oeat
."
Hetrai
l
smor esoftwetkissesonmystomach
andsucksonmynav el
.If l
inch,
butI
'
mt oo
buzz
edt osayordoanything.
Hetravelsfurtherdownandspreadsmylegs
apart
.Hist onguemakescontactwithmycastl
e
overmyunder wearandanel
ectri
ccurr
ent
tr
avelsthroughmybody .

Mymi ndandsouli
sinanotherdi
mensionasI
hol
dhisheadinbetweenmyt hi
ghs.Heli
ckst
he
ent
rancetomycastlel
ikei
t'
sicecream.
Me-"
Aah,
Siy
adon'
tst
op!YesSi
ya!
"
Thenhest
ops.
Cr
ap!
.I'
m soberi
naspl
i
tsecond.
Br
ianget
supabr
upt
ly.
Br
ian-"
whatdi
dyouj
ustcal
lme?
"
[
04/
17,
16:
12]Wdz:
[21]

Myey esareclosedandI'
mt ooscaredt oopen
them.ThinkZinhle!Wel
ltheydosay,"whenin
doubtplaydead."SoIdecidetooverplaymy
drunkenstat
e.
Irol
loveront omyst omachandmumbl e"come
tobedBr i
an"andr eleasethebestf akesnor eI
can.Hest andsov ermef oraf ewseconds, then
Ihearhiml etoutasi gh.Hefi
nallylevels
himselfontot hef
loorandl ay
sbehi ndmewi th
hisarm aroundmywai st.Hepullsabl anket
overourbodi esandwi thi
nmi nutes,i
t'
sl i
ghts
outforme.
Thef oll
owi ngmor ning, we'r
ewokenupby
someonev i
gorouslyshaki ngus.Imoanand
covermyf acewi t
ht hebl anket
.Br i
ani nches
closertomeandIf eel hismorningpol e
standingt oatt
ention.Ishootmyey esopenand
l
eapup.I t'
stoofastbecauseIf eeldizzyand
thenIf eelsomeone' shandsar oundmywai st
asIseet heroom spi n.Icandistinguishthat
touchf rom anywher e,Iknowi t
'sSiya.

Him-"easythere"hesaysashescoopsmeup
andgentlyplacesmeont hecouch.Hekneel
s
i
nf r
ontofmeandt ouchesmycheekwithhis
thumb.
Si
ya-"
arey
ouokayl
o..Uhmm Zi
nhl
e."
Me-"
I'
mfi
neSi
ya"
Isnat
chhi
shandaway
.
Bri
an-"
Whataboutme?Whydon'
tyouaskme?
Iam t
heonethatwasi
naphysi
calal
ter
cat
ion
af
teral
l
."
Si
yaf
ocuseshi
sat
tent
iont
oBr
ian.
Si
ya-"
I'
m act
ual
l
yher
etot
ell
yout
hatbr
eakf
ast
i
sready.
"
Bri
an-"
At07:00am?Ar
ey ousurey
ouwer
en'
t
snoopi
ngaround?
"Her
aiseshisey
ebr
ows
Si
ya-"Goodthingt
hisi
smyhousesoIcando
al
lthesnoopingIwant
."
Br
ianhuf
fsl
oudl
y.
Bri
an-"
Sweetface,Ithi
nknextt
imeweshould
bookatahotelroom.May bewekeptt
hem up
wit
hallt
hosegr oanswewer emaki
ng.
"
IseeSiyaroll
shishandsint
ofi
sts,
andIknow
i
t'
st i
met oint
ervene.Ist
andupandtouch
Siy
a'sshoulder.
Me-"
Giv
eusami
nut
e.We'
l
lber
ightout
."
Siy
astaysinthesamespotf
orabout30
secondsthenhefi
nal
l
ywalkout.
*
*SI
YA*
*
Icouldbarel
ysleepl astni
ght,knowingwhat
couldbehappeni nginmypool house.Isentan
emai l
tomyst affat04:30am t oensurethat
breakfastwasser v
edear l
ytoday.Iwant eda
reasont oi
nter
ruptwhat everwasgoingoni n
there.
Lastnight
,Inearl
ylostitwhenIsawt hatli
tt
le
boydragZinhleacrosstheclubli
kethat.Il
ost
tr
ackofmysur r
oundings,andI'
m ashamedt o
say,Ievenfor
gotaboutEv e.

WhenZi nhlesaidshe'dbegoi nghomewi th

Bri
an,Ididn'tr
eali
zet hatI
'dgetsoangry.Poor
Eve,Ireal
lytookitalloutonheruntilt
his
morning.Shecanbar el
ywal kri
ghtnow,but
she'
snotcompl ai
ning.She'sbeengiddyever
si
nceourl astroundandhasbeen
complimentingmenonst oponmy
"perf
ormance".Ican'tstomachseeingBrian
andZinhletogether,
andhowt heyflauntt
heir
"si
tuati
onship"i
nmyf acei
ssickeni
ng.Perhaps
IshouldsitBri
andownandt el
lhimthatZinhle
i
smyt er
ri
tory.He'sal
way sr
espectedme, I'
m
surehe'l
lbackof f
.
Theonl ywayI'm goingtoremainsaneisif
Zinhleissi
ngleforatleastthenextyearofher
l
ife.IknowI'm beingself
ish,buthowam I
expectedtosurviveseeingherwi t
hanother
manr ightundermynose?
Speakingofanot
herman,t
hatli
tt
leboyfr
om
l
astnightneedst
obeproperl
ydealtwi
th.
[
04/
17,
16:
12]Wdz:
[22]

*
*BRI
AN*
*
Hithere,I
'
m Bri
anEvans.Bestfri
endand
businesspar
tnert
oSiyaNy at
hi.Igowayback
wit
ht hatman,andImustsaythatIowesome
ofmysuccessest
ohim.Whichbri
ngsmet
o
thi
sbeaut
if
ulgem t
hat
'sZi
nhle.
She'sbroughtsomuchl ighti
ntomylif
e.
Somet i
mesIf i
ndmy selfsmil
ingj
ustatthe
thoughtofher,butIknowIdon'tdeser
veher.
She'stoopure,Iwouldhatetobetheoneto
tai
ntthat.
Al
though,
whathappenedint
heearlyhour
sthi
s
morni
nghasrai
sedami l
li
onquest
ions.

Zinhlecal
ledmeSiya!Whi
leIwast
ryi
ngt
o
pleasureher,
shecall
edmebymybestfr
iend'
s
name.Thatwasahugebl owtomyego,I
'
m sti
ll
recoveri
ng.
It
'samusi ngtomehowshemanaget ocov erit
up.Falli
ngasleepwasageniusmov e,soI
humor edherfortheti
mebeing.Howev erIneed
togettot hebott
om ofwhateveri
sgoingon
betweenZi nhl
eandSiya,per
hapsIcansqueeze
atleastami l
li
onfrom Si
yaasblackmail?Hmm
l
ett
hegamesbegi
n!

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Iwassoembar r
assedwhenSi yawal kedi nto
thepool houseandsawmei nnot hingbutat -
shirt
.Iprobabl ylookedlikeathott hathadt oo
mucht odrinkandj ustopenedherl egs.Ifeel
disgustedandI '
m ashamed.Ionl ywant edto
makeSi y
aj eal
ous, andnowhe' sprobabl yglad
thatwe'renoti nar omant i
crelati
onshi p.I
woul dn'
tev enblamehi mi fhewi t
hdr ewf rom
thecont r
actnow.Hemadei tabundant lyclear
thathedi dn'twantsomeonel ooset obehi s
surrogate,andt hat'
swhatIam.HowdoI
alway sfi
ndmy selfinthesesituati
ons?

Thenthere'
stheBriani
ssuefr
om lastni
ght.I
can'
tbeli
eveIcall
edhim Si
ya'
snamewhi lehe
wasprobablyinhi
shousebangingtheday l
i
ghts
outofhiswife.
Hiswife,
Eve.I'
m sti
l
lsurpr
isedbyherbehav
ior
l
astnight,
butI'
mt er
rif
iedt
hatshecould
possi
blyknowaboutmeandherhusband.I '
ve
beenplayi
ngwithfir
eallal
ong,whatwasso
hardaboutkeepingmyhandst omysel
f?

I
'm notgoingtobreakf
ast,
Ineedmybedand
I
'm sureIhavealotofexpl
aini
ngtodowhenI
gethome, rat
hersoonert
hanlater
.

Iemergefrom thebathroom inmyf reakum

dressf
rom thepr evi
ousnightandBr ian'
s
sl
ipper
s,I'
l
l r
eturnthem atalaterdate.It
'sbad
enoughthatI'
m abouttodot hewal kofshame.
Me-"
Bri
,I
'm cal
l
inganUberIneedt
ohead
home.
"
Hewalkst
owardsmefrom thekit
chen,
andhe's
nol
ongerwear
inghi
svest.Ilookaway,
because
nowi
snottheti
metopervov erhi
m.
Hecupsmyf
acei
nhi
shand.
Bri
an-"i
candr
opyouof
f,t
hatwi
l
lgi
vey out
ime
totel
lmewhycal
l
edoutSi
ya'
snamelastni
ght
."
Myeyesal
mostfal
loutofthei
rsocket
s,andI
canf
eelmycheeksheat
ingup.
Me-"Br
ian,nowisnottheti
meforyourjokes.
Yousawt hatt
heli
quorgotthebet
terofme.I
hopeyourhandisbet
ter.
"
Itakei
tinmi
neandpl
antsmal
lki
ssesonhi
s
knuckl
es.
Me-"
I'
ll
seey
ouar
oundBr
ian.
"
Ibl
owaki
sst
ohi
m andheadout
.

Isendaqui cktextt
oSi yaaskinghimtoopen
thegateforme, andinsteadIseeEv ewal
kout
ofthehouseandshe' scomi ngtowardsme.My
heartsuddenlybeat
sf astbecauseIcan'
tread
herexpression,i
sshepissedori sshefr
owning
duetot hesun.Nonetheless,she'
smarching
t
owar
dsmeandIhav
etost
andmygr
ound.

Ev
e-"
hi"
Inodandsmi
l
eshy
ly.
Ev
e-"Idi
dn'
tgetachancetocheckony
oul
ast
ni
ght
,butIhopeyou'
regood.
"
Me-"
I'
mf i
nethanks.Iwasact
ual
lyj
ustonmy
wayout
.Ineedtogohomeandr est
."
Ev
egiv
esmeawidesmil
eandcomest
owar
ds
meandhol
dsmeinanembr
ace.
Eve-"Zinhl
e,Idon'tknowwhaty ourint
ent
ions
arewithSiya,butstopwhi l
eyou'
reahead.You
don'twannagot owarwi t
hme, t
rustmesweet y
.
Il
ikey ou,t
hat'swhyI '
m bei
ngniceenoughto
warny ou.Youar emer el
youroven,behav
elike
one!"Shewhi spersinmyear .
Shel
et'
sgoofmeandopenst
hegat
e.
Iwal
kawaywi
thmyheadhangi
ngl
ow.
[
04/
17,
16:
13]Wdz:
[23]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
I'
m athomecur l
edupinmybed.I'
mr eal
l
y
cravi
ngmyst ashundermybed,butal
cohol
doesn'tseem t
olovemelat
ely
.I'
m cuddl
edup
nexttomyt eddy,
andIdon'
thavetear
stocry.

It
'sti
mesl i
ket hesethatIwishIwas
establi
shedenought ohavemyownapar tment.
Ilovemymot hertodeath,buttodayIneedt o
bealone.I'
m dr eadi
ngwhenmymot hercomes
home.IknowI '
m goingtohav etogrovelfornot
comi nghomel astnight
,cookandcl ean,butI'
m
reall
ynotinthemoodhey .

Myphonehasbeenbl owingupsinceIgot
home,
butI'
m notreadytofacethewor l
d.I
knowi
t'
sprobabl
yt hr
eatsfrom Thabi
,Si
ya
pr
etendi
ngt
ocar
e,andBr
ianj
ustbei
ngBr
ian.

Ireal
i
zet
her
e'snousecr
yingoverspil
l
edmi l
k.
I'
vemademybedandnowi t
'st
imet olayi
nit
.
SoIendmypi typart
y.Igetupf rom bedand
makemywayt othekitchent ogetst ar
tedon
di
nner .I
'm maki nga3cour semeal ,becauseI
evenhat emy selfri
ghtnowf orwhatoccur red
l
astnight .Ineedmymommy '
sloveand
aff
ection, soal l
owmet ogr ovel.WhileI'
m busy
withthepot s,Iputourclothesi nthewashi ng
machi net henheadedt othel ounget odomy
spri
ngcl eani ng.JustasIwasmoppi ngt he
house, i
nwal kedmymot herandshewas
happierthanIexpect ed.
Mom-"
hel
l
obaby
!"
Shewal
ksov
ert
ome
Me-"
heyma!
"
Sheki
ssesmeont
hecheek.OkaysoIguess
I
'
m noti
ntr
oubl
ethen.
Her
-"l
etmenotdi
stur
byouke.
"
Shewal ksaway ,andIreali
zethatshe'snot
wearingmake- up,herdresshasst ai
nsonitand
she'
sbei ngtoocalmf ormyl i
king.Mymom
neverleavesthehousewi thoutatleastahi
ntof
mascar a.
Wai
t!Shedi
dn'
tsl
eepathome!
Shedoesn'
tknowthatIdi
dn'tcomehomel
ast
ni
ght,
becauseshedidn'
tei
ther!

Iconti
nuewi t
hmycl eaning,andI '
minabet ter
moodnowt hatI
'm notintrouble.Ifi
nishup
withsupperandsett het ableforthe2ofus.I
got oherroom totellherdinnerisreadyand
she'sl
yingonherbedonherback, wit
hherf eet
touchi
ngt heheadboar d.She'si nhergown, and
she'spayi
ngsomuchat tenti
ont oherphone
shedoesn' tevenhearmewal kin.She'sgiggli
ng,
andIjuststandnextt
othebedf
orafew
seconds.Seeingherl
i
kethi
smakesmyhear
t
smile.

Me-"
Mama,
supperi
sready
"
Her
-"Thankyoubaby
.I'
m notgoi
ngtoeattoo
much,Ihav
eachurchmeetingwi
thLindi
we."
Ir
oll
myeyes,2ni
ght
sinarow.I
tlooksl
i
kemy
mom'sl
oveli
fei
sheat
ingup!

Ifyou'rewonder ingwhathappenedt omydad,

well hepassedawayaf ewy earsafterhi
m and
mom gotdi vorced.Hewasabusi vetowardsher
duringt helastyearsoftheirmar ri
age,mysister
andIf inall
ysatherdownandt oldherthatshe'd
haveourbl essi
ngi fshewant edtoleave,soshe
did.Theygotadi v
orceandhedi v or
cedhis
daught erstoo.Thel astti
meIsawhi m was
whenhecamehomet ofi
nduspacki ngour
bel
ongi
ngs.

Thatwasoneoft hemostt er
rif
yingday sI'v
e
everexper ienced.Wewer eli
ter
allythrowingour
clothesintopl ast
icbagswhenhear ri
ved.He
l
ockedt hegat esoast obl
ockusf r
om leaving,
thenhecamei ntothehouse.Hewasal it
tle
i
nt oxi
cat ed,sohisspeechwassl urry,
buthe
wasv i
siblyangry.Noneofusst oppedwhatwe
wer edoing, i
nsteadthatmadeuspackatan
evenf asterrate.
Wewer ethrowi ngappl i
ances,clot
hes, pi
cture
fr
amesi nt
ot hecar .That '
swhenhebecame
vi
olent
,grabbingandpushi ngmymot her.My
si
sterandIhadt ointervene,shethrewav ase
onhisheadwhi leIscrambl edovertohi s
pocketsandst olethekeyf orthegat e.
Afewmonthslateri
ndiv
or cecourt
,hestoodin
f
rontoft
hejudgeandrel
inquishedall
custody
r
ight
stomyselfandmysi ster
.Yes,he
r
equest
edt
onol
ongerber
esponsi
blef
orus.

Thatwasmyl astmemor yofmyownf ather.A

fewy ear slaterhedev elopedahear tcondi t
ion
thattookhi sl ifeabr uptl
y.Hel edar eckless
l
ifestyle,soi twasi nevit
able.Needl esst osay ,
hedidn' tleav eusany thi
ng.Hi srelatives
clai
medi nal lofhi spol i
ciesanddi sappear ed.
Thel asttimeIv isi
tedhisgr avesit
ewast heday
ofhisf uner al,andf ranklyIdon'tplanongoi ng
thereev eragai n.Thatmant aintedwhatwoul d
havebeenanamazi ngupbr i
nging, soIguess
i
t'ssaf etosayt hatIstil
lhav esli
ghtr esent ment
towar dshi m.
Mymom f el
tobl
igedt
oplanandpayforhi
s
funer
al.She'
salwaysbeensoconsumedby
guil
t,i
twouldkeepherupatni
ght.

It
'sonl
yintherecenty
ear
sthatshe'sbeganto
accepthappi
nessinherl
i
fe,
andt hepossibi
l
ity
thatt
here'
ssomeonemaki ngherhappy,
hasme
sati
sfi
ed.Tel
l
ingheraboutmypredicament
wouldbeself
ishofme.

Mom eatsfourspoonsoft
hebut
ter
nutsoup
star
ter
,andexcusesher
sel
ftogogetr
eadyfor
her"meeti
ng"
.
IguessI'
llbeal
onetonight
,butI
'
m not
complai
ning.Ineedsomet i
metoref
lectand
mentall
yacceptmysituati
on.
[
04/
17,
16:
13]Wdz:
[24]

ItwasMondaymor ning,andIwasf eeli

ng
refr
eshed.Ihadattendedchurcht heprevi
ous
day,becauseIneededt odrawmyst rengt
h
from myfaith.AssoonasIst eppedoutof
church,If
eltrej
uvenatedandr enewed.Iknew
thatIhadtoembr acethecardst hatIhadbeen
dealt
.
I'
mi nmyr oom andI'm getti
ngr
eadyforwork
whenanemai lnot
ifi
cationcomesthr
ough.It
'
s
anemai lfr
om Siyanoti
f yi
ngmethatmy
medi cal
examinationwillcommenceduri
ngthe
courseoftheweek, becauseEveandhim have
otherobli
gati
onsov erthenextf
ewweeks.
Okayt
hisi
snot
hingIcan'
thandl
e.

Thef ol
l
owi ngday satworkwer einter
esti
ng.
Evewasar oundt heboutiquemor eof
tenand
shebehav edasi fnothi
nghappenedbet ween
us,soIdidt hesame.Iwasn' tgoingtofeedinto
whatevergameshewaspl aying.Ther
e'smor e
toli
fethant hat
,andIguesst hesoonerIshow
herImeannohar m,t
hebet t
erf orme.Iam not
i
nterestedinmaki nganyenemi es.

Thedayofmymedi
cal
exami
nat
ionar
ri
ved,
and
theNy athidr
iverwasal r
eadywaitingforme
outsi
de.I '
m meet i
ngEv eandSiyaatthe
hospital
.Appar entl
y,Si
yahasacl osefri
end
that'
sadoct orandwi ll
bet heoneadmi ni
ster
ing
thesur r
ogacypr ocess.

Iar
ri
veinthedoctor'
srooms,andthefi
rst
per
sonIseeisSiyaseatedonacouchinthe
cor
ner.He'
sjuststar
ingatt
heceili
ngandhe
l
ooksasifhehasal otonhismind.

Me-"
ahem"
Icl
earmyt hroat,
andhelooksov eratme.He
j
umpsof fhisseatandoffer
sittome.Idon't
knowwhy ,becauseit
'sa3seatercouchandthe
bothofuscoul dsi
tcomfort
ably.Ohwell
,I'
m
notgoi
ngtodwel lonthi
s.
Hi
m-"af
ter
noonZi
nhle.Ev
ecouldn'tmakeit
t
oday
,shehasadeadli
neshe'
safraidshe'
s
goi
ngt
omi ss,
sounf
ort
unat
elyy
ou'
rest
uck
wit
hme."
Irol
lmyeyes,t
hisi
sgreat.It
houghtEv
edi dn'
t
tr
ustmewithherhusband,nowshehasus
al
oneatt
endingadoctor'
sappoi
ntment.This
mustbeatest.
Si
yaandIf
all
int
oanawkwar
dsi
l
ence.
Us-"
so.
."
wespeaki
nuni
son.
Si
ya-"
Sor
ry,
yougof
ir
st.
"
Me-"Iwasj
ustgonnaaskwher
ethedoct
ori
s
andhowlongthi
sisgonnat
ake?"
Siy
a-"I'
m surehe'
sbeenpaged,
heclear
edhi
s
scheduleforussowewon'twai
tlong.
"
Inod.

Af
terafewminutesi
nwalksamiddl
eaged
manthati
ntr
oduceshimsel
fasDrSt
even.
Hi
m-"
let
'
sgetst
art
edshal
lwe?
"
Ipl
onkont hebedcl
osebyandhest
art
swi
th
hi
sprocess.

Hedr awsblood,whatseemst obeal otofit

.He
givesmeacupt opeei n, t
akesmybl ood
pressureandcontinues.If eel
likeascience
experimentatthi
spoi nt.He'sjott
ingdown
number s,
andIseeSi y ajuststandinginthefar
cornerwatchi
ngev erythinghappen.

DrSt
even-"we'
realmostdone.Wej
ustneedt
o
doanint
ernalul
tr
asoundandPapsmear."
Okaywhoah,
that
'swher
eIhav
etodr
awt
hel
i
ne.
Me-"Can'
tyouj
ustper
for
m anext
ernal
one
r
ather?
"
HelooksoveratSi
ya,andhenods,sot
he
Doctorpr
oceedswit
ht heext
ernal
one.
Me-"coul
dyouexcuseusf
orasecond,
please
Doc?
"
Hi
m-"Sure"hegi
vesmeasl
i
ghtsmi
l
eand
l
eavest
her oom.

Me-"Si
ya,Ican'
tdothePapsmearri
ghtnow.
Canwepleasejustoverl
ookt
hatdet
ail
?
Pl
ease?"
I
'
m notev
enl
ooki
ngathi
m,I
'
m st
ari
ngatt
he
f
loor
.
Hewal
ksov
ert
ome.
Him-"
Idon'twanty
out
ofeel
uncomf
ort
abl
e,I
under
stand.
"
Hecall
sthedoct
ortocomebackandhe'
s
set
ti
ngupforthePapsmear
.

Si
ya-"
Thatwi
l
lbeal
lfort
oday
."
Doct
or-"
ButMrNy
athi
."
Si
ya-"DoIpayy outodisagr
eewithme?
BecauseIdon'trememberthatbei
ngthecase.
Zi
nhlegetready,I'
mtakingyouhome.
"
Wi
tht
hathet
urnsandst
ormsout
.

I
'm attheent
ranceofthehospit
alandi nfront
ofmepar ksSiyai
nhisPorsche.Icontinueto
j
uststandthereandl
ookar oundpretendingto
beobli
v i
oustohim.
Hef
inal
l
ypressesdownt
hewi
ndowandwav
es
f
ormetocomei n.
I
'mtryingmybestheretostayawayf rom
temptati
onandall
owingSiyat otakemehome
i
swr i
ttentempt
ati
onallover.I'
ll
justtellhi
mI'
m
wait
ingforacabthenI'
l
l t
ryfindat axirank
near
by .
Igotowardsthecarandst
andbyt
he
passengersi
de.
Si
ya-"
Zinhl
e,whatar
eyoudoi
ng?Geti
nthe
car
!"
Me-"
Uhmm Si
ya,
I'
m act
ual
l
ywai
ti
ngf
oracab,
soI
'mfi
ne.
"
Het
urnsof
ftheengi
ne.
Si
ya-"
Okay
,I'
l
lwai
twi
thy
ou.
"
Truthis,
Idon'thav
et hemoneyforacab,andI
don'twantSiy
at ol
atchontothefactt
hatin
vulner
able.

Me-"
Siy
a,i
t'
sfi
ne.I
t'
sst
il
lqui
tef
ar"
Hi
m-"
Ihav
eal
lday
."
Hesay
sasher
ecl
i
neshi
sseat
.

Aft
er20mi nut
esofst
andi
ngandwai
ti
ngf
ort
he
cab,Iseet
hathe'
sfal
l
enasleep.
Ibri
skl
ywalkawayf
rom hi
scar
.Probl
em i
s,I
don'
tevenknowwheret
ogetataxi
.
Ieventual
l
ycomeacrossapetr
olst
ati
onand
decidetoaskt
hepeoplet
hatworkt
here.
Whil
eanemployeegivesmedi
rect
ions,If
eel
someone'
spresencebehi
ndmeandt hat
col
ogneishi
s.

Hi
m-"
Andt
hecab?
"
Me-" I
tcancell
ed.I
'
mj ustgonnat
akeat axi
i
nstead."Hescoopsmeupandput smeov er
hisshoulderandplonksmeinthepassenger
seat.Hecomesar oundandsitsi
nthedr i
vers
seatandspeedsof f.

I'
mlookingoutmywi
ndowandIcanf
eel
him
star
ingatme.
Heev
ent
ual
l
ycl
ear
shi
sthr
oat
.
Siy
a-"CanIaskyourr
easonbehi
ndnotwant
ing
todoanint
ernal
examinat
ion?
"
Ii
gnor
ehi
m.
Si
ya-"
I'
mtal
ki
ngt
oyou.
"
Si
l
ence.
Me-"
Siy
awhatdoy
ouwant
?"
Hi
m-"
You.
"
Ij
ustl
ookathi
m.
Siy
a-"WhatIwast
ryi
ngtosaywasthatIwant
youtotel
lmewhatthei
ssuewasbackthere.
"
Me-"YouknowwhatIwant ?Iwanty outoleav
e
meal one.Youandyourwife,j
ustleaveme
al
one.I'mjustanemployeesot r
eatmeasone.
There'
snoneedf orustoplayhappyf amil
y.Al
l
ofyoujustleavemealone!
"
Si
yal
aughsi
nasar
cast
icmanner
.
Hi
m-" Youmustbejoki
ng.Nowyou'r
ejealousof
mywifebecauseI'
m notpur
sui
ngar el
ati
onshi
p
wi
thyou?Don'ttal
kaboutmywifeZi
nhle.I'
m
marr
ied,getov
erit
."
What
?
[
04/
17,
16:
13]Wdz:
[25]

Witheverypassi
ngday,Ir
egr
etmydeci si
onto
beasur r
ogate.I
'
vebecomeresentf
ultowards
theNyathi
's,
myentir
eli
ferev
olvesaroundthem.

I'
vebeensopr eoccupi
edwitht hissurr
ogacy
thingthatI
'veforgott
enaboutmybi rt
hday.I'
ve
hostedextravagantparti
esint hepast,buti
t'
s
notanopt i
ont hisyear
.I'
mjustnotupf orit
,and
besides,I
'm beyondbroke.Ijustwantt obe
aloneandI '
m surethat'
snott oomucht oask.

I
'm searchingtheinternetforquaintguest
housesint heSouthCoastwhenIcomeacr oss
aperfectone.Ibookonl i
neandt r
ansferthe
money ,there'
snot urni
ngbacknow.Ipl anon
bei
ngal onef ort
heweekend, dri
nkingand
shov
ingmyfacewit
hjunkf
ood,l
i
steni
ngto
musicandt
rytof
indtheZi
nhl
ebefor
ethi
ssaga.

It
'sThur
sdayandIit'
smybi rt
hday!I
'm atwork
asusualandIneedtotellEvethatI
'
ml eaving
workearl
ytomorrow,hopeful
lysheagrees,I'
m
real
lyl
ooki
ngforwardtomyl it
tl
eadventure.

Adeli
verymancomesincar
ryi
ngal
arge
bouquetofwhi
ter
oses.
Hi
m-"
del
i
ver
yforZi
nhl
e?"
Me-"
oh,
that
'sme"
Iwalkov ert
ohim andsi
gnonthepieceof
paper.There'
sacardburi
edi
ntheroses,andI
readit.
"
HappyBi
rt
hdayZi
nhl
e,l
otsofl
oveThabi
"
AtearescapesmyeyewhenIreal
izet
hatt
he
onethatbroughtmesomuchpainist
heonl
y
onet
hat'
swishedmeahappybi rt
hday
.My
mom seemstohaveforgot
ten,
andIhaven'
t
remi
ndedEveorJess,soit
'
sjustanor
mal day
.
Idebateonwhethert
ocall
ortextThabi
thanki
nghimforther
oses,butIdeci
denott
o.I
don'twantt
oopenacabofwor ms.

IgotoEve'
soffi
ceandIgent
lyknockonthe
door
.Sheyell
sformetocomei nandIdo.
Me-"
uhmm Ev
e,Ij
ustwantedt
oletyouknow
t
hatIhav
etol
eaveear
lyt
omorrow."
Sheraisesherey
eshercomput
erandr
aises
hereyebrow.
Her
-"oh?
"
Me-"
y es,
Ihav
etobesomewher
eandit'
squi
te
adi
stancesoI'
m goi
ngt
oneedt
otrav
elearl
i
er.
"
Eve-"
Soy ouwantmetogi
vey
ouabulkofthe
dayoffbecausey
ouhavet
ogosomewhereand
tr
avel
?"
Well
you'
rebei
ngpr
ett
yevasi
vef
orsomeone
who'
saski
ngforaf
avor.
"

Si
gh.
Me-"i
t'
smybirthdaytoday
, andI'
vepl
annedto
gototheSouthCoastfortheweekend.Iwant
togetther
eatareasonabl
et imebecauseI
don'
twanttoworryaboutsafety
."
Her-"
wel
lar
en'
tyouf
ancy
?Okayy
oucanl
eav
e
ear
ly.
"
InodandasI
'
m aboutt
owal
kout
,shecl
ear
s
hert
hroat
.
Her
-"oh,
andhappybi
rt
hday
."
Me-"
thanks.
"
Wi
tht
hatIwal
kout
.

IgethomeandI'
m dogt
ir
ed.Iheadst
rai
ghtt
o
myr oom,
becausemom i
sn'
thome.I'
mtoolazy
t
ocooksoI
'
llj
ustor
derpi
zzai
nst
ead.
Mom walksinanhourl
aterandshe'
ssi
ngi
ng
happybi
rthdayt
omeout si
demyr oom.
Igetupandopent hedoor
,she'
scar
ryi
ngacute
l
itt
lechocol
atecakewithmynameonit.Ismi
l
e
warmly.

Me-"
thanksmom"
Her-"I'
m sorryIdi
dn'
tsayanythi
ngt
hewhole
day,Ihadforgott
enthatt
oday'smybaby
's
specialday
.Comet othelounge.
"
Ifol
lowhertothedi
ningroom andshehasthe
tabl
edeckedoutwit
ht akeout
.She'
slitsome
candlesandfort
hefi
rstti
meinawhi l
eI'm
happy .
Me-"
mom y
oudi
dn'
thav
eto!Butt
hanky
ou"
Igoov
ert
oherandsqueezeher
.
Therestoft
heeveningisamazing.I
'
m sof ul
l
,
I'
m sur
emyst omachisabouttoburst.I
'm
si
tti
ngwithmyfeetupandmom i scleani
ngup,
perksofbei
ngthebirt
hdaygi
rl
!

It
'sFri
dayandIcan'twai
tforwhat'stocome.I
carr
ymyl uggagetowork,andI'
ml i
teral
l
y
counti
ngev er
ysecondthatpasses.
It
'sf
inal
l
ytimetol
eaveandIcoul
dn'
tbehappi
er.
IbumpintoSi
yaasI'
mleavi
ngtheshop.
Me-"
sor
ryMrNy
athi
."
That
'showI'
vebeenaddr
essi
nghim si
ncethe
dayheaccusedmeofbei
ngjeal
ousofhiswif
e.
Hi
m-"Zi
nhle,
Itol
dyout
her
e'snoneedt
ocal
l
methat
."
Ismi
l
ethenwal
kpasthi
m.
Hi
m-"
wher
ear
eyouof
ftowi
tht
hatl
uggage?
"
Me-"
somewher
e."
Ipusht
hroughandhopi
ntoacabout
side.

Afterwhatseemsl i
keforev
er,
I'v
earri
vedatt
he
guesthouse.It
'scuteandohsoperfect.I
unpackandluckil
yIpackedaf ewbott
lesof
wine.IhaveaglasswhileIswi
tchonmyl apt
op
andplaysomemusi c.
Itakeashowerandgetdressedinsome
underwearandagown.Ihopintothebedand
decidetopl
aysomemov i
esandcont i
nuewit
h
mywi ne.I
'mfal
li
ngasl
eepwhenI '
m star
tl
edby
aknockont hedoor
.
Ij
umpupandwalkovert
oit
.Iopeni
t,andI
can'
tbel
i
evemyeyes.
Me-"
Siy
a?"
Hi
m-"
arey
ougonnal
etmei
n?"
Ist
epasi
deandhecomesi
n.
It
ight
enmygownandwal
kov
ert
ohi
m.
Me-"
MrNy
athi
whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?"
Hi
m-"
Iwannadot
his"
Hesay sashescoopsmeupandwr apsmyl egs
aroundhi swai st.Hesmasheshi sli
psont o
mine.Het astesofwhi skeyandhisstri
ng
cologneal readyhasmewet .Hegent l
yplaces
meont hebedandl oosensthebel
tonmygown.
I'
ml ef
tbar ewi thjustmywhi tel
aceunderwear
andhel ickshi sli
psatt hesi
ghtofme.
Hecomesdownandpl ant swetki ssesf r
om my
eart omynav elandbackupagai n.Heni bbles
onmyearandIl etoutasof tmoan.Hi shand
travelsdownsout handher unshisfingersov er
mycast l
e.Het akesof fmyl aceunder wearand
tossesitt ot hesi de.Heuseshi stongueonmy
chestandl andsi tonmybr east.He'stracing
circl
esar oundmyni ppleandIcan' tstopt he
soundscomi ngoutofmymout h.Hesof tly
grazeshi st eethov ermyst if fni
pplewhi l
ehe
tracescirclesatt heentranceofmycast le.
Me-"
aahSi
ya!
"
Hetr
avelshistonguet omyotherbreastand
ni
bbl
esonmyni pples.Hest
opsf orasecond
andgazesintomyey es.
Hi
m-"
you'
regor
geous"
Hisf acei sr ightonmycast le,andheopensmy
l
egswi der .Att hispoi
nt, i
t'
sVi ctor
iaf all
sdown
thereandt hatseemst ot urnhi m onbecause
he'sgr oani ngunderhi sbr eath.Helicksmy
entrancet henbl owswar m airandIscr eam
becausei tf eelssogood.Hef i
nall
yi nser t
shi s
tongueandf li
cksiti
nside.He' seatingmel ike
I'
m hi sl astsupperandI '
venev erfeltsuch
pleasur e.Hepl aceshisindexf i
ngerinsi deand
I'
m closet ot heedge.Ishutmyl egscl osedwi th
hisheadi nbet weenandIgr indonhi sf ace.He
goesf ast erandIt i
pov ertheedgel iket here's
anel ect ri
ccur rentgoi
ngt hroughme.Hel i
cks
mecl eanandhel ooksl i
keamanpossessedas
heundr essedl eavi
nghi serectionspr ingf r
eely.
It
'ssobi
gandscary,
withi
tsvei
nsbul
gingouti
t
l
ookspainf
ul.Iwi
shIcoul
dgetonmyknees
andret
urnthefav
or,
butIcanbar
elyf
eelmy
l
egs.

Hecomesdownandl evelshimselfwi t
hhis
el
bowsandr ubshismonst erovermyent r
ance,
he'
sleaking.Hisbreathi
nghaschangedandI '
m
hal
fscaredandhal faroused.Heki ssesmewi th
aggressi
onandwantandIr eci
procate.I'
m dry
humpinghi m andhe'smoani ngandgr oaning
underhisbreath.
Heinsert
shimsel
fandIf
eel
ast
ingi
ng
sensat
iondownther
e.
Hi
m-"
AahZi
nhl
e,y
ou'
resoaaah!
"
Me-"
Siy
a,I
'
m av
ir.
."
BeforeIcanfi
nish,
hethrustsi
ntomehar d.Icr
y
outinpain.Hepushesharderanddeeperand
stayssti
l
l.
Hel
ooksatme.
Hi
m-"
Zinhl
e?"
Heinchesdeeperandhar
derasIfeel
mywall
s
tar
e.Atearescapesmyeye,andheki
ssesmy
cheek.
Hi
m-"
we'
real
mostt
her
e."
Onel astdeepthrustandhe'sbulldozeddown
mywal l
.He'ssweat i
ngandmoani ngandour
eyesdon' tl
osecont act.Heconti
nuest omove
i
nsl owandl ongst r
okesandI '
mi nsomuch
pain,Ineedthistoend.Hef inal
l
yr el
easeshi
s
l
oadandcol l
apsesont opofmewhi l
ehe
shakesuncont rol
lably.
Mustbethesamecur
rentt
hatwaspul
sat
ing
t
hroughme.
Hehasat
eari
nhi
sey
e.

Hi
m-"thankyou,thankyouforthi
sgif
t.
"Hesays
ki
ssi
ngmyf orehead.It
urnaroundandfacet
he
ot
herwayandswi t
choffmybedsi
delamp.I
al
l
owmyt earstofal
lfr
eel
yasIcomet or
eal
ize
whatI'
vej
ustdone.Il
ostmyvi
rgi
nit
ytoa
marr
iedman.

Thef ol
lowingmor ning,Iwakeupinbedalone
andmyhear tbreaks.Ifeelsodi
rt
yandcheap.
Thesheet shavebl oodstai
nsont hem soI
remov ethem andcal lr
ecepti
onforfr
eshones.I
got akeashowerandscr ubmybodyunt il
it'
s
painful
.
WhenIcomeouti natowel
Ifi
ndSi
yaonthe
bed.Helooksupatmewhenhehearsmeand
greet
s.Igr
eetback.
Hi
m-"
Igotussomebr
eakf
ast
,comesi
tdown.
"
Isi
tnextt
ohi
m.
Him-"doyouneedanythi
ng?"Ishakemyhead
andhegetsupandgoest hr
oughmyt hi
ngs.He
emergeswit
hmyl ot
ionandheopensmyt owel.
Hel ot
ionsmybodyandget sagownand
dressesme.Hepi cksmeupandmakesmesi t
againsttheheadboar
d.Hegetsatrayand
pl
acesmybr eakf
astonitandpl
acesitonmy
l
ap.
Hesitsnextt
omeont hesi
deoft
hebed,and
hefeedsme.Whenhe'sdone,
het
akesthetr
ay
awayandcomestositbesi
deme.
Him-"
Zinhl
ebaby
,whydi
dn'
tyousay
somet
hing?"
Ir
aisemyshoul
der
s.
Hi
m-"I
'm sosorr
y,butt
hanky
ouf
ort
hat
amazi
nggift
."Inod.
Hetakesapacketandandt
akesoutsomepi
l
ls.
Hehandsitovert
ome.
Hi
m-" t
hat'
sthemor ningafterpil
lyoushould
pr
obablytakeitsoonerrat
hert hanlat
er.Idon'
t
wantyoutofindyourselfi
nacompr omising
si
tuat
ion.
"
Iputi
tont
hesi
det
abl
eandcur
lint
obed.
Hesnuggl
esmefrom behind,
andIwi
shi
tdi
dn'
t
f
eelt
hisgood,
butitdoes.
[
04/
17,
16:
13]Wdz:
[26]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Wespendt herestofthedaycuddli
ngi nbed
toget her,watchingmov ieaf
termov i
eonmy
l
apt op.Ev erythi
ngf r
om "Bri
desmaids"to"The
Conj uring"Iknowmostwor dsinal
l ofthese
mov ies, becauseI '
m suchamov i
ef anati
c,so
Siyahadr eprimandedmeaf ewti
mes.He' shad
toshutmeupwi thaf ewsmoochesher eand
there, butnoneofusar ecomplai
ning.Just
beingi nhi sembr acemakesmef eel safeand
cont ent.

Si
yaleavest
ogobuyussomefood,snacksand
morewinebecausemyst
ashi
sfi
nished.Idon'
t
wanttoover
thi
nkev er
ythi
ngr i
ghtnow, Ij
ust
wanttoli
vei
nt hemoment .Iswit
chonmy
play
li
standdecideonsomeDr uHill
,Il
oveme
someslowjamsonanygi venday ,andtoday
themoodisevenr i
ght
.

Igoontomysi st
er'sFacebookpageandst al
k
her.Idothiseverydayasmydai lyrit
ualbefor
eI
got obed.Ihardl
yspeakt oher,andt hat
'sthe
onlywayIknowwhat '
sgoingonwi thher.One
newupl oad,i
t'
sagi ftshegotfr
om hernewbae.
Isteali
tandsav eitunderthefolderI'
vecreated
forherinmyl apt
op.I '
m suchacr eep.

Then"
5St
eps"pl
ays.
"
Idon'
tknowhowmuchl
onger
You'
regoi
ngt
obeher
e
SoIsaymypr
ayer
s
Ev
eryni
ght
"
Igoov ertothecupboar dandputonmyshor t
sil
kpj '
sandasIbendov ertosl
ideupmy
pyjamapant sthat'
swhenIf eel
hishands
encircl
emywai st
.Hebendsdownandsl ides
them offandIdon' tpr
otest
.Hepicksmeup
bridalsty
leandandpl acesmeont hebed.He
takesmyt opoffandI'
ml ef
texposed.

Siyadevoursever yi
nchofmybodyandi tfeels
amazing.Hewor shi
psmycast l
eandbef oreI
knowit,I'
m shakingandshi ver
ingwithecstasy.
Hepullsthecover soverme, butI'
m notready
forthi
stoend.Ij umpont ohim andstarttokiss
him.Ifeelhi
sbul gegrowingbeneat hme, and
i
t'smakingmef eel warm andwet .Ihel
phi m
outofhissweat erandv estandunbucklehis
belt
.
Hi
m-"
Arey
ousur
eaboutt
his?
"
Inodandgazedeepi
ntohi
sey
es.Il
i
ckmyl
i
ps
andIhelphim outofhi
spantsandbr i
efs.His
erect
ionstandstoatt
enti
onandIswal l
owa
l
umpi nmyt hroati
npreparat
ionforwhatI'
m
abouttodo.Ili
ckhisti
pandr evol
vemyt ongue
aroundit
.
Si
ya-"
AahZi
nhl
ebaby
!"
Inibbl
eonhi sper i
neum andheal mostjumps
offthebed.Itakehi m alli
nmymout h,he'
sso
l
argemygagr eflexesar ewor
kingoverdri
ve,
but
I'
m notstopping.Itravelmytonguedownand
suckleonhisballswhi lepumpinghi
smember .

Si
ya-"
Zinhl
e..I
'
m cl
oo.
.se!
"
Ist
opandr
oll
overandl
ayonmyback.
Me-"
Iwantt
ofeel
youi
nsi
deme.Pl
easeSi
ya.
"
Ididn'
thavetoaskhi
mt wice,becausehefli
ps
overandteasesmyentrancewithhishead.
We'remoaningandgroaningandhef i
nall
y
thr
ustsall
thewayin.Icryoutinpain.
Hi
m-"
shoul
dIst
op?
"
Ivigor
ouslyshakemyheadno.Hedoesl ong
andslowst r
okesandmypai nissl
owlyturni
ng
i
ntopleasure.Ourey esarelockedontoeach
other,andIthi
nkthatt hi
siswhatmaki nglove
feelsl
ike.Hecaressesmybr east
sandi sgentl
e
yetroughinhisthrusts.Hisbreat
hing
i
ntensifi
esandhisspeedi ncr
eases.
Hi
m-"
Zinhl
e,Il
ovey
ou.
"
HegoesovertheedgeanIf
eelhisl
oadfi
ll
up
i
nsi
deofme.Heki ssesmeal
lovermyface
t
hengetsupandcomesbackwi t
hawarm
t
owel.Hecleansusupandwrapshi
sarmsand
l
egsaroundme.
Me-"Ilov
ey out
oo."Iwhisperandwedozeof f.I
wakeupi nthemiddl
eoft henightandSiy
ais
wrappedaroundmel i
keivy.Islowl
ytakehis
handsoffofmeandgetup.Igr ababott
leof
waterandthepil
l
shebr oughtanddownt hem
thenIgetbacki
nbedwi thhim.
Thef ol
lowingmor ni
ng,t
hemoodi ssombr e.It'
s
rai
ningout si
deandt heweathermatchest he
moodi nt heroom.I'
m packingmycl othesand
he'
shov eri
ngaroundme.I'
m donewi t
hpacking
andhet akesmyl uggage.Ashewal kst owards
thedoor ,hecomest oahaltandturnst oface
me.Hecupsmyf aceandgiv esmeal ong
gentlekiss.Hesighsandshr ugshi
sshoul ders.
Hi
m-"
let
'
sgo.
"

I
nthecar,we'vefal
l
enintosi
lence.He'shol
ding
myhandt hewholewayandI'mr est
ingmyhead
onhisfor
earm.We'reafewmi nutesawayfrom
homeandIf eelt
earsst
ingi
ngmyey es,r
eal
it
y
hasstr
uck.

Heparksafewmeter
sawayfrom myhomeand
swi
tchest
heengi
neoff.Het
urnstof
aceme.
Hi
m-"
Zinhl
elook.
."
Iputmyhandupi
npr
otest
.
Me-"Siy a,
Iknow.You' r
emarriedandyou'renot
gonnal eaveyourwife,Idon'
texpectyouto
eit
her.Whathappenedt hi
sweekendi s
somet hingI'
l
lholdnearanddeart omyhear t,
butIknowbet t
erthantohaveanyexpect ati
ons.
Solet'
snotmaket hingsworseandhar derthan
theyhav etobe,Iknowwher ewest and."
Wit
hthat
,Iki
sshim onthecheekandgetmy
l
uggagef
rom theback.Il
ookbackathi
m one
l
astti
meandbl owhi
m akissandwalkaway.
Iwalkintothehouse,
andsurprisesurpri
se
mom isn'thome.Idon'tmi
ndthough, Ineedto
sleepandnursemysor ebody.Ilookoutside
mybedr oom window,andSi
yaisst i
ll
parkedin
thesamespot .
Hecall
smeov erandoveragai
n,butIdon'
tpi
ck
up,t
here'
snot
hinglef
ttosay.Hefi
nall
ydri
ves
away.
*
*SI
YA*
*
Idon'tthi
nkI'veeverf el
tthiswaybef ore.Thi
s
weekendwasev er
y t
hingIcoul dhav eev er
hopedandwi shedf orandmor e.Zinhlegav e
meherpur i
ty,andIwoul dhav est opped, but
nothinghasev erfeltsoright.Ididn'tthink
aboutEv enotonet i
met hisweekend, andI
don'tevenregretit.Iknowt hatmakesmea
ter
riblehusband.

Iknowwi thoutadoubtthatI'minlovewi t
h
Zinhle,
butIcan'tdoanythingaboutitri
ghtnow.
Ican'toff
erhermuch, eventhoughI '
m surethat
she'smysoul mate.IwantedtotellherhowI
feelandaskifwecanf i
gurethi
ngsoutt ogether
,
butshemademer eal
izethatI'
djustbehur t
ing
herintheprocess.I'
m Stuckbetweenar ock
andahar dplace,andIdon'tknowhowt oget
out.
Zinhl
emadei tcl
earthatshedoesn'twantt
o
waitaroundf ormetosor toutthi
smess,soI
needtor espectthat
.Ineedt ogobacktomy
house,I'
vegotsomeexpl ainingtodo.
[
04/
17,
16:
13]Wdz:
[27]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Thenextf ewweeksar en'tthatbad.Ihavea
goodr outi
negoing.Iwakeup, pr
ay,gotowor k,
comehomeandsl eep.Someday sareworse
thanotherswhenIcan' tgetoutofbedbecause
Imi ssSiyaandourtimet ogethersomuch.I '
ve
blockedhisnumberandweonl ycommuni cate
throughlawyersorhisPA.

List
eningt
oEverantandr av
eabouther
husbandever
ydayissickening.Apparent
lyt
hey
havephonesexeveryotherday,I'
veheardhera
fewtimesandtheyaregoingawayt othe
Sey
chel
l
essoon.Ni
cel
i
fepr
obl
emsIt
ell
you.
Apparentl
ytheywantt
ohavethei
rlast"
hoorah"
befor
et heembryoi
mplant
ati
onwhichisjusta
fewweeksawaynow.

Thisisallv er
yconf using,becausehe'shadmy
favori
tewhi terosesdel i
veredtomeev er
yday
sinceourweekendt ogether,wi
thli
tt
lenotes
buriedinside,wit
hsomeofouri nsi
dejokesand
him professinghislov eforme.Notoncehav eI
call
edhi m ortexted.Thewi thdrawalhasbeen
kil
li
ngme, butit'
swhatIhav etodo.

Icouldbepregnantduringmyf est
iveseason
becausetheimplantat
ionisfastapproachi
ng
andIdon'tknowhowI '
m goingt ocopewi t
hout
alcohol
asmycr utch.

I
'
vedeci
dedt
ogooutf
orcockt
ail
hourwi
th
Jesst heshopassi stantandsomeot hergi r
ls
thatI'
m aquat i
ntedwi t
h.It'
smont hendi n
October,andI '
vejustbeenpai d,andI 'm blowing
i
tall.JessandIar eexcit
edf ortheni ghtahead,
andEv eisl eavi
ngear l
yfortheirv acationaway .
Idecidedt olookgoodf orwor kt oday, because
I'
m notgoi ngallthewaybackhomet ochange.
That'svaluablecocktailt
ime.We' replaying
musi cintheshopandI '
m danci ngi nfrontof
thefulll
engt hmirrorwhileJesscheer smeon.
Rihanna's"Wi l
dThought s"comesonandI
channel myi nnerRi-
Ri.

Il
ookupt ofindSiy
astaringatmet hroughthe
mirr
orandIseet hebulgeinhispants.I
i
mmedi atel
ystopandwal kovertothecounter
anddecreasethevolume.Siyamarchesof fto
Eve'
soffi
ceandJessgi ggles.
Afewmi
nutesl
ater
,themoansandgroans
comi
ngf
rom Ev
e'soffi
cear
edeafeni
ng.Ev
eis
screamingatt
hetopofherl
ungsandmyhear t
palpi
tat
es.HowcanSiyabethisdi
srespect
ful
?I
feelmycheeksgetwetandIrunoutofthe
shop,befor
eIembarr
assmy sel
f.

*
*SI
YA*
*
IwalkedintoEv e'sbouti
queandsawZi nhl
ein
fr
ontoft hemi rr
or,Iswearmyheartstopped.
Justbeinginherpr esencehasagr owingeff
ect
onme, li
teral
ly.Shewakensmyl i
ttl
emonst er
ever
yt i
meI 'm aroundher.
WhenIgoti ntoEv e'
soffice,shesawmybul ge
andchar gedforme.It r
iedtost opher,
butshe
l
iterall
ybeggedmet otakeheront hedesk.I
hadbui ltupf r
ustrat
ionwi t
ht hewholeZinhl
e
thing,soIdi d.IpoundedEv ehar d,
andher
screamsbr okemyhear t
,becauseIknewt hat
ont heot hersideofthedoorwasmyhear t
hear i
ngev erythi
ng..
*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
I'
vecal
meddownandI
'
m wal
kingbackt
owor
k.
Ibumpint
oSiy
aashewal
ksout.
Hi
m-"
Zinhl
e,I
'
m..
"
Me-"
No!
"
Ij
oginside.Eveleav
esandsarcasti
cal
l
y
apol
ogizesforthenoiseandgi
gglesonherway
out.
Iwi
llnotl
ett
hisbot
herme.Ihaveagr
eatni
ght
pl
annedandthat
'sal
lthatmat
ter
s.
Ther
estofthedayJessandIar
einhighspi
ri
ts
asweanti
cipat
edri
nkingour
sel
vessi
l
ly.

We'r
eatt herestaurantandI '
m genui
nely
enj
oyingmy sel
f.NoSi ya,BrianorEve
smotheri
ngme.I t
'
sj ustmeandmygi rl
s.Iorder
2courses,becauseI '
mf amishedandt hegir
ls
l
ookatmel i
keI'
m cr azy.Iaskforasecond
por
ti
onofchi ckenliversbeforemymai nmeal
comes, andI 'mt horoughlyenjoy
ingmycosmo' s.
Theconv er sati
oni sf l
owingandwe' r
ehaving
harmlessf un.Iindul geinmyseaf oodpastaand
I'
mt empt edt oli
ckt heplate,whenIgag.Irun
offt
ot hel ooandIt hrowupmyent ir
edinner
contents.Ipr obablyat etoomuch.
Ir
insemymout
handgobackt
othet
abl
e.
Jess-"
arey
ouokay
?"
Me-"yeah,
Ijustat
et oomuch.Let
'
sor
der
anot
herroundofdrinks.
"
If
ini
shmycosmoandIf
eeli
tcomi
ngupandso
Ir
unbackt
othel
ooandthr
owupagai
n.It
hink
i
t'
sti
metogohome.

Atthet able,Itel
lthegirl
st hatIshoul
dl eave
andt hey '
redisappoi
nted,butt heyunderstand.I
gethomeandsoakmy sel
fi nabubblebat h.I
real
izet hatI'
vestartedmyper i
odandi tmakes
sensenowwhyI '
vebeent hrowingup.
Thefoll
owingdaysI '
m gr
umpyandmi ser
abl
e
andIwantt ocr
yev ery2seconds.EveandSiya
arebackfrom t
heirvacat
ionandSiyawalksi
nto
thebouti
que.HiscolognemakesmegagandI
havetoruntotheloo.
Icomebackandheadf orEve'
sof
fice,
she'
s
wit
hSiya.Itakedeepbr
eathst
opreventmysel
f
fr
om puking.
Me-"Eve,
pleasecanIgohome.If
eel
li
ke
deat
h."
Her
-"What
'swr
ong?
"
Me-"
I'
m onmyper
iod,
andI
'
m dy
ing.
"
Siy
aclearshi
sthroatuncomfort
abl
y,andIdon'
t
carewhathethi
nksatt hi
spoint
.Ij
ustneedto
getoutofher
e.
Her-"
Sure,youlookt
err
ibl
e.Shoul
dIgett
he
dr
ivert
ot akeyouhome?"
Me-"
Yespl
ease.
"
Ist
artcr
yingandIdon'
tknowwhy
.
IrunoutbecauseIcan'
tst
omachSi
ya'
scol
ogne
anylonger
.

2weeksl aterI
'mf eel
ingbet
ter,al
thoughnowI
don'
thaveanappet it
eatall
.Theembr yo
i
mplantationistodayandI'm soscared.Iar
ri
ve
atDrSteven'sroomsandSi yaandEv eare
al
readythere.
TheDoctorconduct
smoretest
sandi havet
o
peei
nacupagai n.Afewminut
eslat
er,here
emergesandaskstospeaktoSi
ya.
[
04/
17,
16:
13]Wdz:
[28]

*
*SI
YA*
*
Stev
enaskst
ospeakt
omebef or
ewe
commencewi
tht
heimplant
ati
on.
If
oll
owhi
mtohi
sot
herof
fi
ce.
Hi
m-"
wecan'
tcont
inuewi
tht
hesur
rogacy
."
Me-"
what
?Why
?"
Hi
m-"
Zinhl
eisal
readypr
egnant
"
Me-"
whaaat
t?!
?"
Him-"She'sabout6weeksalong.Doyouknow
whothef atheri
s?Sheprobabl
yshoul
ddiscuss
heropti
onswi thhi
m."
I
'
m paci
ngt
her
oom att
hispoi
nt.
Hi
m-"
Siy
a!"
Me-"
It
'sme.
"Isayi
nal
owt
one
Hi
m-"
I'
mlost
."
Me-"
I'
mthef
ather
."
Isi
tdownandbur
ymyheadi
nmyhands.
St
even-"
Shi
tman.Thi
sisamess.
"
Me-"Don'
tyout
hinkIknowt
hat
?"Ibangont
he
desk.
Hi
m-"
wel
lther
ear
eopt
ionswor
thexpl
ori
ng.
"
Me-"
let
'
sheart
hem.
"
Hi
m-"
ter
minat
ion.
"
Me-"
Absolut
elynot
!I'
vebeenwaiti
ngforyears
t
obeafather,andy
ouwannat akeitawayfrom
me?No!
"
Him-"Wehav etot
ellZi
nhl
ethough,she
deservest
oknowt hatt
hebabyshe'
llbe
carr
yingovert
henextfewmonthsishers.
"
Me-"Noty
et.Whatifshewant stot
erminate
whenshefi
ndsout?Ev ewill
kil
lme,andI'm
goi
ngtobeadad.Ican'tletsomeonetakethat
awayfr
om me.I'
l
ltellever
yoneatalaterdate.
"
Hi
m-"
Siy
a,Idon'
tagr
eewi
tht
his.I
t'
sunet
hical
.
"
Il
aughsar
cast
ical
l
y.
Me-"Steveny ou'
rehar
dlyonetotalkabout
ethi
cs.Iknowabouty ourpastremember ?Iwas
ther
eidiot!Youknowbet t
erthantodisobeyme.
Nowgobacki nt
here,
andnotawor doft hi
sto
anyone.Makesur emybabyi shealt
hy.Sayyou
havet
oreschedul
etheimplant
ationorpr
odher
andpr
etendyoudidit
.Idon'
tcare."
Wi
tht
hatIwal
koutandheadt
othebat
hroom.

Ilookatmy sel
finthemirrorandnot i
cethatI
'm
cryi
ng.Myey esarered,mycheeksar ewetand
I'
m shaki ng.I
'm goi
ngtobeaf at
her !What
Zinhl
eandIdi dthosefewweeksagowas
magi calandoutoft hi
swor l
d,andGodhas
seeni tfitt
oblessuswi t
hasoul .I'm elat
edand
thelov eIhaveforZinhl
eisov erf
lowi ngandI
knowt hatIhavesomet oughdeci si
onst omake.

Iknowi tseemssel fi
shofmenott elli
ngZi nhl
e
thatshe'sal readypregnant,butIknowt hatshe
want snot hingtodowi thmeandIf eart hat
she'dkil
l ourbabyi ntheprocess.Thi sisn'tan
i
deal sit
uat i
onandpeopl eacthaphazar dlyin
scaryscenar i
osast hi
s,Ican'ttakethatchance.
I'
llf
ixthis,ifit'
sthelastthi
ngIdo, I'
l
lfixt hi
s.
Iwalkbacki ntot
heconsul
tati
onr
oom andfi
nd
Stevenjotti
ngdownsomethingonhi
snotepad.
I'
m gri
nningf r
om eart
oearandEvel
ooksatme
i
nconf usion.
Eve-"baby,St
evesayswecan'tdothe
i
mpl antati
ontoday
.Apparentl
yZi
nhle'
sv i
tal
s
aren'
tgood.She'sbeenthrowi
ngupov erthe
pastfewweekssohet hi
nksheshouldtreatt
he
bugf i
rst.
"
Steven-"
Sor
ryMrNy athi
,butIthinksheshould
beonsomemedi cati
onandgetsomev i
tamins
thenwecanexploret heimplantati
ononcethe
toxi
nshavelef
thersy stem.It'
l
ltakeafew
weeksgiveortake."
Zi
nhl
eshoot
supof
fthebed.
Zi
nhl
e-"
Am It
hatsi
ck?I
'
m notgonnadi
eam I
?"
Sheburst
sintotear
s,Iwoul
dlovenot
hingmore
thant
oembr aceherandtel
lhert
hetr
uth,and
sai
loffi
ntothesunsetwi
thher
.Butr
eal
i
ty
doesn'
tpermitmetodoso.
Steven-"You'
llbeabsol
utel
yfine.I
'l
lwr
iteyoua
prescri
ption,
andjusttr
ytohav esomefoodin
yourstomachatal lt
imes.You'l
lneedyour
strengt
h."
Me-"It
hinkyoushouldmov ei
nwi thusforthe
t
imebeing.Wehav estafft
hat
'l
ltakecareof
youandensureyouhav easpeedyr ecov
ery
."
Eve-"Ithi
nkZinhl
eshoul
dbesur r
oundedby
familynotabunchofstr
angers,
we'l
lcheckon
herwhenwecanandr econvenewit
hthe
i
mpl antat
ion.
"
Zinhl
elooksdownandshe' ssobbi ng
uncontroll
abl
y.Seei
ngherlikethisbreaksmy
heartandbeforeIknowitat earescapesmy
eye.Iquickl
ywipemyey esandexcusemy sel
f
asmyphoner i
ngs.It
'sBri
an.
Me-"
yes?
"
Br
ian-"
whoah,
what
'
swr
ong?
"
Me-"
whatdoy
ouwantBr
ian?
"
Bri
an-"
wellnowthaty
ou'v
easked,Iwantust
o
meet,t
rustmeit'
swort
hyourwhil
e.I
t'
sabout
youandZinhl
e."
Myhear
tli
ter
all
yleapsoutofmychest
.
Me-"whateverman,
sendmet
het
imeand
pl
ace."Ihangup,

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
I'
m soconfusedandconcer nedaboutwhat
'
s
goingonwithme.TheNy at
hi'shavel
eftme
alonewit
hSt even,andhe'
sscr i
bbl
i
ngwhat
l
ookslikeapr escr
ipti
on.
Me-"Arey
ousur
eIhav
enot
hingt
owor
ry
about
?"
St
evenl
ooksuncomf
ort
abl
eandt
hatscar
esme
ev
enmor
e.
Him-"Zi
nhle,
I'
vebeenadoctorf
orlongert
han
you'
vebeenaliv
e.Al
lyouneedisthesemeds
andyou'
llbegoodasnew."
Hegi
vesmeabr
iefsmi
l
e.
Me-" Wit
hal lt
hethrowingupandl ossof
appetit
e,IthoughtIwaspr egnant.ThankGod
I'
m not,becausethenI '
dki l
lmy self.I'
m sur
ethe
guywoul dwantmet ot erminate,butI'dnever
dosuchat hi
ng,thenI'dbel eftal
one.I '
m sorr
y
I'
mr ambling,you'
rejusttheonl yper sonIcan
tal
kaboutanyoft hi
swi th."

Hecomesar oundthedeskandhugsmef rom

thesideandIimmedi at
elyfeel
bett
er.Hehands
met heprescri
pti
onandhi scar
dforwhenI
needanything.
Steven-"
I'
vealsogi
venyousomethi
ngfort
he
nausea.TrustmeZinhl
e,y
ouhavenothi
ngto
wor
ryabout
."
Me-"
thanky
oudoc,
Iappr
eci
atei
t.
"
Ismi
l
eandt
akemybagandwal
kout
.
[
04/
17,
16:
13]Wdz:
Goodmor
ning
[
29]

*
*SI
YA*
*
I'
m atsomestupidcof f
eeshopwai ti
ngf orthi
s
i
diotBri
an.I
'vebeenher eforoveranhour ,and
nowhe'snotansweringmycal ls.I
'm annoy ed
andorderashotofespr esso.I
tarri
vesasBr i
an
arri
vesandhehasasmugl ookonhisf ace.He
takesaseatacrossf
r om me.

Me-"
Bri
angetst
rai
ghtt
oit
,whatdoy
ouwant
?"
Br
ian-"
whoahSiya,soyouaren'
tev
engonna
of
fermeadrink?I'
m of
fended."
It
akemywal
l
etanddr
opaf
ewnot
esont
he
t
abl
e.
Me-"
Idon'
thav
eti
mef
ort
hisshi
t.
"
Igetup.Br
iant
akesouthi
sphoneandsl
i
desi
t
tome.
Br
ian-"
Ithi
nky
ou'
l
lhav
eti
mef
ort
his.
"
Il
ookdown, andit
'smeandZi nhleonhisphone.
Iswipeandther
ear etonsofpi ct
uresofus
fr
om theSouthCoast,evenaf ewshor tv
ideos
ofourlovemakingsessions.Isitbackdown,
I'
mfumi ng.
Me-"
Whatt
hef
ucki
sthi
s?"
Bri
an-"Thi
smydearbr otheri
smyi nvestment
.I
wonderedwhythingswer eal
waysawkwar d
betweenyoutwo,butnowIknow.I t'
sbecause
you'
refucki
ngthegir
lthat'
ssupposedt obemy
gir
lf
ri
end!"
Ichuckl
eloudl
y.
Me-"
you'
repathet
icyouknowt hat
?You'v
e
st
oopedsolow,it
'sact
ual
lysad.Zinhl
ebeyour
gir
lf
ri
end?Notev eninyourwildestdreams!
Havey ouforgott
enwhoy oureall
yar e?Beneath
thedesignersuit
s,thepri
v at
eplanes, thetr
ips?
You'r
epat heti
c!Alwayshav ebeenandal ways
wil
lbe.Del et
ethosev i
deosandpi cturesor
suff
ertheconsequences. "
Brian-"SiyaSiyaSiya..i
tscut ehowy out hi
nk
thi
si sallajokebr other
.Goodt hingy ou
ment ionedmypast ,soy oushoul dknowj ust
howdanger ousandper suasi v
eIcanbe.So
l
istenandl istencareful
ly.Wi that ouchofa
button,Icansendt hesepi cturesandv i
deost o
Eve, y
ourmot her,
thepaper s,yourboar d
member s.AllIwanti shal fofy ourshar esatthe
mine, andanaddi tionalR5mi ll
ionj ustforthe
heartbreak.Ipromi seI'
llleavey ourpr ecious
l
itt
lev ir
ginalone,andI '
l
l deleteev erycopyof
thesei mages. "
Wit
hthathegetsupandl
eav
es,
Ibangont
he
t
ablei
nfrust
rat
ion.
I
'
m pissedashell
, t
hesamedaythatI'
veheard
t
hebestnewsi sthesamedaythatI'
veheard
t
hewor st.Myonlyconcer
nisZi
nhleandhow
t
hiscouldpotent
ial
lydamageherf
orlif
e,Ihave
t
ofixthis.

Brianhasalway sbeenal i
tt
leenv i
ousofme, I
guessInev erknewt owhatext ent.Hecomes
from money ,hi
sf atheri
sGer man, buthenev er
tookadv ant
ageoft heopportuniti
esthatwer e
l
iteral
lyhandedtohi m.Iontheot herhandbui l
t
my selff
rom thegr oundup.Ev erythi
ngIhav eis
duet omyhar dwor kanddetermi nati
on,and
Briancanonlydr eam ofreachingmyl ev
el of
success.

Thi
siswhatthi
sisabout
.Jeal
ousy
.I'
l
lbe
damnedi
fZinhl
eiscaughti
nthecr
ossfi
re.
*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
I'
m happythatI'
m notpr
egnant
,thatwasafear
that
'sbeenli
ngeringi
nther
ebackofmymi nd,
andatleastthat
'snowonelessthi
ngtoworry
about.

Lucki
lytheNy athidr
ivercomest opickmeupat
thehospital
,andIheadst rai
ghtforthe
pharmacy.Ineedt ogetbet t
erassoonas
possi
ble.Ifetchmypr escri
ptionandit
'sj
usta
bunchofv it
aminsandnauseamedi cati
on,I
guessthepi l
lsthatDoctorStevegavemear e
theanti
bioti
csIneed.
ImakemywayhomeandI '
m quit
er el
i
eved.I
'm
rel
ievedthattheimpl
antat
iondidn'
thappen,I
feelli
kemay bethi
sistheLordsavingmef r
om
my self
.
Iarr
iveathomeandI 'm exhaust
ed,Ieatan
applesoIcandrinkmymedi cat
ionandgoto
bed.Ipl
onkmy selfontomybedanddozeof f
al
mosti mmedi
at el
y.

Iwakeupthefol
l
owi
ngmor
ningt
oat
extf
rom
anunknownnumber
.
"
Ilovey
ou,neverdoubtt
hat
."I
treads.Whoi
s
t
his?Si
ya?Bri
an?Thabi?
Myt houghtsar einter
ruptedbyasuddenur ge
tothrowup.Ir unt othebathroom anddomy
business.I'
m gettingti
redofthrowingupand
feel
inglethargic,
Ineedt owomanupandeat
somet hi
ngsoIcandr i
nkthesepill
s.Itakea
snif
fofmyci tr
usoi l
sformyf ati
guet hi
searl
yin
themor ni
ng, I'
vealwaysbeeni ntr
iguedby
holi
sticmedicat i
on.
Igototheki
tchenandmakequiteabr
eakfast
spr
ead.Eggs,bacon,
mushrooms,sausages,
waf
fl
esandafr
uitsal
ad.
Bythet
imemymom emergesfr
om herr
oom,
I
'v
eeatenmor
ethanhal
fthef
ood.
Mom-"
Baby
,somuchf
ood!
"
Me-"Sonowy outhi
nkI
'mfat
?Thanksalot
!I
don'
tunderst
andwhyyou'
real
wayssomeanto
mema!Fi ne,
I'
ll
beananor
exicj
ustf
oryou.
"
Imarchofft
omyr oom andslam t
hedoor
behi
ndme.Ijumpintobedandsob.Ihatethati
don'
thavecontr
olovermyemot i
onsr
ightnow,
howam Igoingtoexpl
aint
histomymom?
Idr
inkmypill
sanddecidetojustl
azeinbedf
or
awhil
elonger,
I'
m ear
lyforworkanyway.

Iwakeupt
omyphoner
ingi
ng,
it'
sEv
e.
Cr
ap,
it'
s11:
10am,
howdi
dIsl
eepf
orsol
ong?
Ipi
ckup.
Ev
e-"
wher
ethehel
lar
eyou?
"
Me-"I
'm sosorr
yEv
e,i
t'
sthi
sbugIhav
e.If
eel
l
ikedeat
h,I'
m onmywaythough.
"
Eve-"i
fyou'
renotherewi
thi
nanhour
,consi
der
yoursel
funemployed.
"
Wit
hthatshehangsup.Igetupandget
dr
essedinjeans,atanktop,bi
kerj
acketand
wedges.It
akemyf lipfl
opsandthrowt hem i
n
myhandbag, If
eeldizzysoIdon'
ttrustmysel
f
wi
thheels.
Ical
lanUber,becausether
e'snowayI'
llmakeit
i
nt i
meusingtaxi'
s.Ther
egoestheblockheel
s
I'
vebeensavi
ngupf or.

45mi nut
eslat
er,I
'
m atwork.IknowIneedt o
got oEveandapologi
zeaboutbeingso
ri
dicul
ousl
ylat
e.Itipt
oeandpr eparemy
speechinmyhead.Herdoorissl i
ghtl
yopen,
andshe'sonthephone.
Her
-"Iknowl
ove,
butmyhusbandi
sar
oundand
Idon'
thav
eanexcuset
oupandl
eav
e."
Cal
l
er-"
..
..
"
Her-"babe,Ipr
omi seI'
l
lmakei twor
thy our
whil
e, j
ustbepatient
.Myhusbandi sleavingon
businesssoon,thenyou'l
lhavemeall t
o
yourself
.Wait,
IthinkIhearsomeone."
Ihi
debehindaboxandpr
ayt
oGodt
hatshe
doesn'
tfi
ndme.
Her-"
it
'snothi
ng.YouknowIcan'
ttr
ustthese
l
owl i
vesthatworkforme.Sowhatarey
ou
gonnadot omewheny ouseeme?"
Shecl
osesandl
ocksherdoor
.
Iqui
cklyr
untot
hef
rontoft
heshopandsi
ton
thecount
er.
WhydidIhearthatconver
sat
ion?Idon'
tknowi
f
I'
m cr
azy
,butthatsoundedli
keEveishavi
ngan
aff
air
!
[
04/
17,
16:
14]Wdz:
[30]
*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Aft
ercomposingmysel
f,Ibur
sti
ntol
aught
er,
thi
sisr
atheramusi
ng!
Thegui l
tthatI'
vebeenfeeli
ngformonthshas
almostbeenal l
evi
atedfrom myshoulder
s.Ist
il
l
feel
guiltyforhavi
ngrelat
ionswit
hamar ri
ed
man, butIfeelbet
teraboutthesi
tuat
ion.

Evei
scoopedinheroffi
cether
estoft
heday
andonl
yemergesjustbefor
ecl
osi
ngti
me.
Eve-"
youdon'
tl
ooksi
ckatal
lZi
nhl
e.Wer
eyou
l
yi
ng?"
Me-"what?No!Ifeelalotbett
er,
Ithinkit
'st
he
medicat
ionthatthedoctorgaveme.I '
mreal
ly
sorr
yaboutearli
erthough,i
twon'thappen
agai
n."
Shest
epscl
osert
ome.
Her-"You'
rer
ight
,itwon'
thappenagain,
becausenextti
mey oushoul
dn'tbot
hercomi
ng
i
n."
Shef
lashesasmi
l
ethenwal
ksaway
.
Isortt
hroughtheshel
vesandtheracks,t
henI
haveanurgentcrav
ingforsomechickenli
ver
s.
Mymout hiswateri
ngandallofasudden,I
bursti
ntotear
s.

I'
m sniff
ingwhi l
eIpackmybag, t
heninwalks
Siya.Hegr eetsmeandbef or
eIcangreetback,
hiscolognehi t
smysensesandIgagi nmy
mout h.Igrabthet r
ashcanandempt ythe
contentsofmyl unch.Ihearhi
m comecloserto
meandIr aisemyhand.
Me-"
No,
Siy
ayoust
ink.
"
Isqui
rm whenIr
eali
zewhatI
'
vej
ustsai
dand
shootmyeyesopen.
Me-"
I'
m sor
ry,
Idi
dn'
tmeant
hat
.ThebugIhav
e
hasmesensi ti
vetosmell
sandf ood.The
medi cat
ionseemstohavemyemot i
onsall
ov er
theplace,andall
Iwanti
sal ar
gebowl of
chickenliv
ersandabott
leofwinewi t
hastraw,
that'
sall
."
Isayast
ear
str
avel
downmyf
ace.
Me-" I
'
m sorr
y,Idon'
tknowwhat'
swrongwith
mel etmegogett hosel
iv
ersandwi
ne,I
'm sur
e
I
'l
lfeelbet
ter
."
Igrabmyhandbagandphoneandl
eav
ea
confusedl
ooki
ngSi
yast
andingt
her
e.

Onmywayt otherestaurant,Ir
ealizet
hatI
pukedandl eftmywast eint hetrashcan,how
disgust
ing.Icompletelyforgottotakeitout.I
askthecabt oturnaroundandt akemebackt o
theshop.Iarriv
eandf indSiy aputti
nganew
garbagebagi nthebin,mycheeksar efl
ushed
withembar r
assment .
Me-"
I'
m sososor
ry.
"
Icov
ermyf
acewi
thmyhand.
Me-"Ican'
twaitt
ofull
yrecover
,I'
m sucha
mess.Enjoyt
herestofyoureveni
ng,mymeal
i
swai t
ing.
"
Iwi
nkathi
m andhesmi
l
es,
buthegr
absmy
ar
m.
Il
ookupathi
minconf
usi
on.
Him-"l
etmetakeyouhome.Wineisn'
tagood
i
dea,it
'saweekni
ght
,andI'
m sur
ealcohol
doesn'
tmixwit
hanti
biot
icsZi
nhl
e."
Cr
ap,
he'
sri
ght
.
Ist
artt
ocr
ysof
tl
y.
Me-"Doy
outhi
nkt
heydon'
tmi
xwi
thchi
cken
l
iv
ersaswel
l
?"
Herai
seshi
seyebrows,
Ifeel
ridi
cul
oussoI
wal
koutandhopintomycab.
Iarr
iveattherestaurantandordermyl i
versand
amockt ail
.Myf oodar r
ivesandit'
ssogoodI
coul
dcr y
.Itakeal ongsipofmyv i
rgincockt
ail
andI'
m sohappyandcont ent
.If
ini
shmybowl
andreali
zeI'
m nowher enearbeingf ul
l.
Infact,Ifeelhungri
erthanwhenIar
ri
v ed,
theni
t
hit
sme.Ipr obablyhaveatapeworm or
somet hing,t
hatwoul dexpl
aint
henauseaand
thecrav i
ngs.
Mystomacht
urnsatt
het
hought
,lucki
l
yitends
t
her
e.

Iorder2mai
nmeal
s;achi
ckenal
fr
edoanda
steak.
Wai
tr
ess-"
ist
heothermealf
orsomeoneel
se?
Wi
ll
someonebejoini
ngyou?
"
Thi
sgi
rli
stel
l
ingmeIeatt
oomuch?
Me-"l
i
stenher
ecockt
ail
servant
,isi
tacri
meto
wanttoi
ndul
geinsomefood?YouthinkI
'
mtoo
f
att
oeatwhatIwant?Don'tanswert
hat
,cancel
myorderbefor
eyouspi
tinit
.Bri
ngmethebil
lif
i
twon'tbetoomuchofahassle.
"
Shelooksconf
usedandhur
t,butIhonest
ly
don'
tcare.
I
'
m shaki
ngasIt
akemypur
seandat
temptt
o
t
akemycardout
.
Mypur sefall
stothegr
ound,andasI'
m about
topickitup,Iseefami
l
iarhandspi
ckitupand
placeitonthetabl
e.
I
t'
sSi
ya.
Justl
ooki
ngathi
m hasmel
eaki
ngdownt
her
e.

Heseemstohav
echangedintoj
eansanda
sweat
er,
andhedoesn'
tsmell
.
Isni
ffi
nhi
sdi
rect
ionandhechuckl
es.
Hi
m-"
whatar
eyoudoi
ng?
"
Me-"
Youdon'
tsmel
l
"
Him-"
well
Iwenthomeandscrubbedmysel
f
si
ll
yaft
eryousai
dIst
ink,
Iopt
edtogiv
ethe
col
ogneabreakf
ornow."
Ismi
l
eli
keani
diotandl
i
ckmyl
i
ps.
Him-"
Doyouwannatell
mewhatthatwas
about
?"Hesay
spoi
ntingatt
hewait
ress.
At
earescapesmyey
e.
Me-"
Siya,Iwassuchabi t
cht oherIcan'teven
l
ookinherdir
ecti
on.Ihatewhat '
sgoingonwi th
me.Mypill
saren'
treall
ywor ki
ng,becausehalf
t
heti
met heylandinthetoi
letbowl,andI'm
t
ir
ed.I
'm soti
red.
"
Thewaitr
esswalksbacktothetabl
eand
tossest
hebil
lonthetabl
e,Itouchherar
m.
Me-"Si
si
,I'
m sosorr
yaboutear
li
eron.Il
iter
all
y
havenoexcuse,
myhormonesandcr avi
ngsare
all
overt
heplaceandI'
m sor
ryf
orputti
ngy ouin
thecr
ossfi
re.
"
Shesmi
l
esandst
epscl
osert
othet
abl
e.
Waitr
ess-"i
t'
sokay
,Iunderstand.That'
showI
waswhenIwaspr egnanttoo,it
'scomplet
ely
normal.Bytheway,
thestaffwerejustsay
ing
howy ouguysaret
hecutestcouplewe've
seen.
"

Ijustsmil
ebecauseIdon'tt
rustmywor dsri
ght
now, andshewalksaway.Siyapaysforthebi
ll
andt el
lsmehe'
st aki
ngmehome.If allasl
eep
withmymout hopenandf eelhi
m gentl
y
rubbingmythi
gh.
Hi
m-"
we'
reher
e."
Iyawnandst retchthenthankhimf ortheri
de.I
opent hedoorandbef oreIj
umpout ,
Ismash
myl i
psont oSiya'
s,herespondsandIst art
maki ngfor
eignsoundsundermybr eath.ThenI
stop.I'
m quart
ertoaskinghimt otakemei nhis
car,butno,nottodaySatan,siIj
ustjumpout
andheadi ntothehouse.
[
04/
17,
20:
00]Wdz:
[31]

*
*BRI
AN*
*
Iknowyou'
repr
obabl
ythi
nki
ngt
hatI'
ma
monster
,butamanhastodowhatamanhas
todo.
Iwasonl ygoingtoaskhi
mf oramil
li
on,buthi
s
arr
ogancepi ssedmeoffandwill
costhi
m an
addit
ional4mi l
li
on.

Don'tgetmewr ong,Iloveandadmi r
eSiya;he's
moul dedmeintothemanIam t oday ,
in
businessaswellasmyper sonal li
fe.I
'mjust
ti
redofbeingcompar edtohim andhav ehim on
thefrontl
ineofever
y t
hing,andheonl ygives
met hescrapsofwhat '
sleftbehind.

Myf at
hert
ell
smeever
ychanceheget
sthatI
shouldbemorel
i
keSiy
a.Wellnowhe'
l
lbe
pleasedbecausehavinghisshar
esandthat
chequefrom him wi
l
l hav
emeupt opar
rand
somewhatwi thi
nSiya'sl
evel
.

It
'sunfort
unat ethatZinhl
ehast obecaughti n
thecrossfi
re,butshebr ui
sedmyegot oo.Just
whenIt hi
nkt hatI'v
eescapedl i
v i
nginSiya's
shadow, t
henI 'm call
edbyhisnamei nbed?
Nev er
!Everymanhashi sli
mi t
s, andIhav e
reachedmi ne.I'
m notbluff
ing,ifSiyadoesn't
payup, I
'l
lshakeuphi sworl
dlikeanear thquake.

*
*SI
YA*
*
Thisthi
ngwi t
hBr i
ani
sconsumi ngmemor e
thanitshoul
dbe.Idon'
twantt odoany t
hing
drast
ic,soI'
llgoonmybusinesstripand
hopefull
yI'
ll
gainsomeperspectiv
ewhi l
eI'm
away.
Zinhleiskeepi
ngmeonmyt oes,andmylove
forherisgrowingbythesecond.Iknowit
'snot
i
nf atuat
ion,
becauseIdoubtI'
dcleanup
any one'
sthrowupsowi l
l
ingl
y.

Idon'
tknowi fit
'sinmyhead, butZinhl
eis
al
readystar
ti
ngt ogl ow.Ihopeourcreati
on
l
ooksjustli
keher .IknowwhenIgetbackf r
om
mybusinesst r
ip,Ihavetocomecl eantoboth
l
adiesinmylife.Iwantt otakeZi
nhlewithme,
butIdon'
twantEv etokil
lher.

Icanonlyhopeandpr aythatZi
nhlef
indsi
tin
herhearttofor
giv
emeonceshel ear
nsthe
tr
uthaboutherpregnancy.Iwanttobean
acti
vefather
,whethershewantsmei nherl
if
e
ornot.Ij
usthavetokeept hi
sunderwrapsf
ora
whil
elonger.
*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Siyaisgoingawayonbusi nesssoonandhe' s
requestedthatImeetwi thEv eandhislawyerat
themansi onsoont obeginwi tht
hemoney
transfer
sandsoon.Idon' tknowwhy ,because
technical
lyI
'm notabouttogetpr egnantwith
theirbabyforatleastafewweeks.

DoctorStev
en'smedi cat i
onisfinall
yki cki
ngina
bit
.I'
m notaslethargicornauseous, andmy
appeti
tehaskickedi nmor ethanIl ike.He
warnedmet hatIcoul dhav esomef ood
aversi
onsandr andom cr avi
ngs, andt hat'
s
exactl
ywhatisgoi ngon.Icr aveOr eo'swith
peanutbutt
er,gherkinswi t
hmay onnai seand
Maaswi t
hmi l
o.It'
sdel ici
ous,butIknowi nmy
mindthatit
'sdisgusting.

Jesshasbeenpersuadi
ngmetodoa
pregnancyt
est
,I'
vetol
dhert
hatI
'
veseena
doctorandI'm def
init
elynotpr
egnant
.Oneof
thesedaysIjustmi ghthumorheranddoit
though,becauseshe'sbeingsuchanag.Gi
ving
mebabynamesandsof ort
h.

Si
yahassentmeacodesoIcangeti ntothe
mansi
onwithoutahassl
ebecauseapparent
ly
Evewi
llbehel
dupatanexpof orawhil
e,sohe
want
smet oproceedwit
hthelawyervi
aSkype
i
nhisst
udy.

Thedr iveri
sof ft
oday ,soIhavet otakeanUber .
Iarri
veatt hemansi on,punchint hemul ti
ple
codest henfinall
yenter.Irepeatthepr ocessat
thedoorandwal kov ertothecasual l
ounge.I
sitt
her eforawhi l
e,wai t
ingforEv e,butsti
ll
nothing.Idecidetogot othekit
chenf oragl ass
ofwat er,whenIhearbangsandcl ashes
upstairs.
Theystart
leme, soIdecidetocallSiya,
buthi
s
phonegoesst r
aightt
ov oicemail
.Thebangs
conti
nue,andnowI '
m alittl
escared.Itr
ytocal
l
eve,butherphoneisonv oicemai
l aswell.

Ijogupthecountl
essstai
rstowardswherethe
soundsarecomingfrom,andit'
sinoneofthe
bedrooms.Someonei smoaninginsexual
pleasur
e.It
iptoetothedoorandpeakthrough
thesli
ghtopeni
ng.
Nothi
ngcoul
dhaveprepar
edmeforwhatIsee
att
hatmoment.Evei
sbentoveri
nall
hernaked
gl
ory,
andsomeoneistaki
ngherf
rom behi
nd.

Myey esarefall
ingoutofthei
rsockets,
andmy
feetaregl
uedt othefl
oor.Myheartisbeati
ng
sofast,I
'm sweati
ngprofusel
yandmyey es
startt
owat er
.
Istandt hereforaf ewmor esecondsand
reali
zet hatthey'
reaboutt ocli
maxandIknow
foraf actthatIwon' tbeabletostomachthat.I
rundownst ai
rs,grabmybagandl eave.If
inal
ly
makei toutoftheest at
eandIgeti ntoacab.I
experienceashar ppai ninmyl owerabdomen
andIt rybreathethroughit,butIfeel
another
soonaf t
erit.

IquicklysendatexttoSiyaandEvet
o
rescheduleourmeeting,Ineedt
ogostr
aight
home, becausethesecrampsareget
ti
ngcloser
together.

If
inal
lyarr
iveathomeandt uckmy sel
finbed
wit
hahotwat erbott
le.2hourslat
er,I
'
m woken
upbyanothersharppainandit'
ssopainful
,I
st
artcry
ingandmyphoner i
ngs.
Me-"
what
?"
Hi
m-"Zi
nhl
e,Igoty
ourt
ext
.Yousai
dyoudon'
t
f
eelwel
l
.What'swr
ong?
"
Iy
elpouti
npai
nandhol
dont
othesheet
s.
Si
ya-"
wher
ear
eyou?I
'
m comi
ngnow.
"
Me-"
Siy
a,I
'
m dy
ing.
"
Theni
t'
sli
ght
soutf
ormeagai
n.

I
'
m wokenupbysomeonepi
cki
ngmeupof ft
he
f
loor
,Idon'
tev
enknowhoworwhenIgott
here.
Iopenoneey
e.
Me-"
Siy
a,y
ourcol
ogne.
"
Hechuckl
essof
tl
y.
Hescoopsmeupandr unsdownstair
sacross
theroadandplacesmeinhiscar.I
'
mt oo
fat
iguedtoaskhim howhegotinmyhouseand
howhegotbacksoqui ckl
y.
Hest ar
tsthecarandspeedsof
f.Siy
a'svoice
seemsf ur
therandfur
theraway
,thenit
'sl
ights
outforme.
[
04/
17,
20:
10]Wdz:
[32]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Iopenmyey esandobser vemysur roundi
ngs.It
l
ooksasifI'minahospi t
al room onahospi tal
bed.Myhandi ssqueezedi nat i
ghtembr ace,
andIseeSiyaholdi
ngont oi tti
ghtl
y.Myot her
handishookedonanI V,atleastthepain
seemstohav esubsided.Isqueezehi shand
andheraiseshisheadof fthebed.

Hiseyesarebl oodshotr ed,andhelooksv i

sibl
y
concerned.Hecupsmyf aceinhi
shandsand
gazesdeepi ntomyey es, whenhi
seyesr el
ease
tear
s.Heki ssesmeonmycheekandhol ds
ontomef ordearl i
fe.Ili
nkmyhandsar oundhis
neckandhol
dhi
m unt
ilhecal
msdownabi
t.

Ireachovertomybedsidet
ableandgraba
glassofwaterwit
hastrawinsi
de.Inudgehi
m
todrinkandhetakesashor
tsipthenmakes
medr inksome.
Si
ya-"
Howar
eyouf
eel
i
ng?
"
Me-"
Hungr
y."
Hesmi
l
essl
i
ght
ly.
Hi
m-"
Letmecal
lSt
even.
"
Inodandhewal
ksout
.

BeforeIbl
ink,
Doct
orStev
enandSiy
awalki
n.
Stevengiv
esmeabr i
efsmil
eandst
ands
besidemybed.
Steven-"
Zinhl
e,yougaveusquiteascarethere.
Nothingtoworryaboutthough,
You'rest
able
anddoingbetterthanexpect
ed."Si
yais
hov
eri
ngandpaci
ngupanddown.
Me-"Si
yabonga,
you'
remaki
ngmedi
zzy
.Pl
ease
si
tdown."
Hiseyesshootup,andhewal
ksov
ert
othe
chai
rhewassi t
ti
ngon.

Doctor
-"AsIwassaying,yourbloodpr
essur
eis
ext
remelyhi
gh,andthat'
snev ergoodwit
h
someoneinyourposit
ion.
"
Me-"
Myposi
ti
on?
"
Si
ya-"
Yeahdoc,whatdoy
oumeanbyt
hat
?
Whatposi
ti
onisthat
?"
Siy
agiv
esStev
enaninqui
sit
ivel
ookand
narr
owshi
seyebr
ows.
St
evencoughs.
Doct
orSteve-"
Well
,yourt
ypeofbug.Weneed
t
oensurethatal
lofyourvi
tal
sarestabl
e.So
youshoul
dstayawayfrom st
ress,
justunt
ilt
he
t
oxi
nsar
ecompl
etel
yfl
ushedout
."

Stress.Mymi ndwonder stot heev entsof

ear l
i
ert odayandt hatpictureofEv eandanot her
mant hatIsaw.I fIwasn'tsur ebef ore,whatI
witnessed, waspr oofenough.Il ookov erat
Siyaandl ookathowobl i
vioushei stothe
disgust i
ngact sthatoccuri nhisownhome.My
mi ndisr acinginami l
li
ondi f
ferentdirecti
onsof
whet herIshoul dtel
lhim ornot .Hedeser vesto
know, butnotf r
om me.I '
mi ntoodeepwi ththi
s
guyandIdon' twanthimt oact ivelypursuea
futurewi thmebecausehi smar riagedidn'
t
wor kout .Iwanthimt odoi tinhisownaccor d.
Outofnot hingbutloveandwantf orme.
Isnapbackint
oreal
i
tywhenSi
yashakesmy
arm sl
i
ghtl
y.

Doctor
-"I
'
m goingtokeepyouinher
efor
observ
ati
onjustov
ernight
.Tomorr
owmor ni
ng
y
ou'
l
lbegoodt
ogo.
"
Me-"Thankyou.Ij
ustneedtocal
lmymot
her
,
she'
sprobabl
yworri
edrightnow.
"
Doctor-"That
'sal
readytakencareof.MrNy athi
tooktheliber
tyofcontacti
ngherandtell
ingher
youhav easummi ttoattendandthatyou'l
lsee
herinthenextfewday s.
"

Ir
aisemyupperbodyofft
hebedandl
evel
myselfwi
thmyelbows.
Me-"
Siy
a,whywoul
dyoul
i
e?"
Siy
a-"I
'
m sorr
y,Iwasn'tt
hinki
ng.Ij
ustdi
dn'
t
wanthertoworry,andIwantedyoutohave
enoughti
metor est.
"
Me-"
Leav
e!Now!
"
Hestay
sinthesameposi
ti
on.Ibangont
he
bedandgohyst
eri
cal
.
Me-"
Leav
edamni
t!I
'
mjusty
ourl
i
ttl
epuppet
!I
wishInev
ermety ou!Ir
egr
etthedayIshar eda
bedwithyou.Nowonderyoudon'thav
eki ds,
Godcanseet haty
ou'r
etoofucki
ngself
ish!"
Hestar
esatthef
loorandhi
stear
saremaki
ng
asmallpuddl
eonmybed.Itur
ntofacet
he
ot
herway .
Me-"
Doc,mayIhavesomefoodpl
ease,
and
makesur
ethi
smandoesn'tcomenearmy
r
oom dur
ingmystayher
e."
Henodsandwal
ksout
.Af
teraf
ewseconds
Si
yafol
l
ows.

DoctorStevenreemergesafewminut
esl at
er
wit
hplasticsandplast
icsoft
akeaways.Isi
tup
andmyf acelight
sup,Ievencl
apshor
tly.
Me-"
thanky
out
hanky
out
hanky
ou!
"
St
even-"ThankMrNy
athi
."Hewi
nksatmeand
l
eaves.
Ii
ndul
gei
nal
lthef
ood,
andl
ucki
l
ymynauseai
s
behaving.Ieat2burger
s,lar
gefries,8hot
wingsand4sl i
cesofpi
zza.Idowni twitha
Krusher,andhav eanOreoMcFl urryasdesser
t.
Il
ookatal ltheemptycontai
nersandIf eelt
ears
wetmycheeks, I'
m api
g.

TherestofthedayIignoremycravings,Iwill
notal
lowthisil
lnesstogett
hebetterofme.My
bodyisoneofthef ewthi
ngsthatIhavegoi ng
onforme.Myst omachisgr
umblingthewhol e
ni
ght,butIwil
lnotsuccumbintotempt at
ion.

I
t'
sfi
nall
ymor ni
ng,andDrSt
evenwalksi
nwit
h
apaperpacketi
ntow.Heputsitont
hebed
t
hengreetsme.
Him-"Wellitseemsthatyouguysaredoi
ng
great
.Ijusthavetosi
gny ourr
eleasef
orms
thenyou'r
egoodt ogo."
Me-"
guy
s?"
Hi
m-"
huh?
"
Me-"
Nev
ermi
nd.It
hought
..nev
ermi
nd!
"
Him-"Her
earesomeclothesandIt
hinky
our
phoneisi
nthebag.KeepwellZi
nhl
e."
Hewal
ksof
f.
Il
ookintothepaperbagandiseesomenew
cl
othes.Thi
shasSiyawri
ttenal
loveri
t.

Igotot hebathroom andt akeaquickshower

andgetdr essed.Siy
aboughtmeal ongfl
owy
dressthatdoesn'taccentuateasinglecur
ve,
andit'
sasi zetoobig.Hepr obabl
ythinksI'
mfat
too.Isi
ghandpackmyt hingsint
ot hebagand
checkmyphone.

Evehasbeenbl owingupmyphone, andIknow

Ihavetogot oworkregar
dlessofhowIfeel.
There'
snot i
met ostar
tathomeandchange, so
IguessI'
l
ljustgolooki
ngthishi
deous.
Iarr
iveafewminut
eslatetowor
k,but
fort
unatel
yEvei
soutrunni
nganerrand.Jess
runstowardsmeandgivesmeawar m hug.
Jess-"
Gir
l,soIt
ri
edthi
snewor
gani
cper
fume,
youhavetosmelli
t.
"
AndboycanI !I
tsmellsli
kehoneyandlavender
andgrass.I
t'
sdisgusti
ng.Itr
ytokeepast r
aight
face,
butmygagr efl
exesdeceiveme.Irunto
thebathr
oom andthrowup.Ir i
nsemymout h,
andJessbargesintotheloo.

Jess-"
I'
mt i
redofy oubei
ngindeni
alnow.
Humormeandj usttaket
hese.
"Shehandsme
3pregnancytests.
Il
aughandt
ryt
owal
kpasther
,butshegr
abs
myarm.
Her-"
IfI
'
m wrong,we'
l
llaughaboutitandI'
ll
buy
yousomecocktai
l
safterwork.I
fI'
mr ight
,gi
rl
y
ouhav
esomedeci
sionst
omake.
"
It
akethem andshakemyheadandwal
kback
i
ntot
het oi
l
et.

Ipeeonall3,walkoutandwashmyhands.I
handthem toJessandwalkpasther
.
Me-"I
'
mint
hemoodf
ormar
gar
it
a's"Iwi
nkat
her
.
Iwalkbacktot
hefr
ontandsortoutt
hecounter.
I'
m busywit
hanemail
whenJessemer gesand
sit
smedowngentlyonthechai
r.Shepushes
thetest
stowar
dsme,befor
eIlookatthem Ir
oll
myey es.

Me-"
Jess,It
oldy
ouI'
m notpr
egnant
!Now
makethoser
eser
vat
ions.
"
Her
-"Act
ual
l
yZi
nhl
e.Look.
."
Il
ookdown,
andIsweart
her
oom spi
ns.
[
04/
17,
20:
14]Wdz:
[33]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Aft
erafewmi nut
esofbei
nginanother
di
mension,
Isnapbacktoreal
i
ty.Jessl
ooks
j
ustasshockedandIhaveablankexpr
essi
on
onmyface.Shebreakst
hesil
ence.
Her-"Zi
nhle,youhaveopti
ons.Thisisnotthe
endoft hewor l
d.Wecanresearchjustwhat
theyare."She'
srambli
ngandmymi ndisn't
present,hal
fthethi
ngsshe'
ssay i
ng,arelandi
ng
ondeafear s.

Me-"Jess,notawor dofthist
oany one.Ineed
tot
hink.Let'
sjustgothroughtherestoftheday
wit
houttalki
ngaboutthis.I
'l
lfi
gur
esomet hi
ng
out
.Don'ttel
lEve."
Shenodsandshepull
smei nf
orasqueeze.
Justi
nti
me,Evewalksin.
Eve-"
Goodmor
ningmyl
oves!I
sn'
ti
tabeaut
if
ul
day?"
JessandImumbl
ebeneat
hourbr
eat
hs.
Eve-"Wel
lIguessy
oucoul
dsayIgoti
tall
yester
day
.Youknowwhenyourmangivesitt
o
yousogood,youcry?
"
Me-"Yest
erday
?Wasn'
tMrNy
athi
awayon
busi
ness?"
Ev
e-"
Wel
lyes,
buthecamebackt
hismor
ning.
"
Me-"Butyousai
dhegav
eitt
oyougood
yest
erday
."
Ev
e-"
wel
lIguessIwasmi
staken.
"
Me-"
Right
"
Igiv
eherabl ankstare.Sheshakesherbut
tall
thewayt oheroff
ice.Jessgivesmeaconfused
l
ook, butIi
gnorei
tandcont i
nuewithmyduties.
I'
veonlybeenwor ki
ngforabout2hour s,butin
exhausted.I
'm sureit'
snotonl yduet othebaby ,
buthowmymi ndhasgonei ntoov erdri
vesi nce
I'
vefoundout .Ohmy ,I'
m havingababy .Whi l
e
I'
m sti
ll
consumedbymyt hought s,IhearEv e
onthephonei nheroffi
ce.I
t'smynewhobbyt o
snoop,soIqui etl
ywalkclosert oherdoor .This
womanr eal
lyneedst ogetthesewal ls
soundproofedi fshewantstopul loffanaf fai
r.

Eve-"
Baby ,wehavetobemorecaref
ul.I
t'
sthe
l
astti
mey oucometomyhouse.ButImustsay ,
thewayy oufuckedmeyest
erday
,Icanbarely
walktoday."
Cal
l
er-"
..
..
"
Ev
e-"Icanonl
ycookupanal
i
bif
ornextweek
maybe."
Cal
l
er-"
..
..
."
Ev
e-"
Iknow,
Iwi
shIcoul
dwakeupt
oyoui
n
bet
weenmylegsever
yday,butwehav
eapl
an
andweneedtost
ickt
oit.
"
Cal
l
er-"
..
..
."
Ev
e-"
goodby
emyl
ove.
"

Ihur
rybacktothefr
ont
,andbytheti
meEv e
emerges,I
'
m assi
sti
ngacustomer
.Shelooksat
mesuspici
ousl
yandIgiveherawidesmil
e.
Jesshasbeenhover
ingovermet hewholeday .
She'smaki
ngEvesuspici
ous,andIcan'tt
rust
thatshewon'
tbr
eakunderpressure.Iwal
kov er
toher.
Me-"babe,I
'
mf i
nesorel
axokay?I
'
llkeepyou
updated,
thi
shastobeourl
it
tl
esecretokay?
"

I
'mf i
nall
ydonefortheday,andi
nwal ksSi
ya.I
rol
lmyey esandleave.Herepul
sesme.He
must '
veknownthiswholeti
methatIwas
pregnant
.DoctorStevenisoneofthebesti
n
thecountr
y,he'
sevenrankedi
ntopfewinthe
conti
nentsother
e'snowayhewouldhave
missedthefactt
hatIhaveahumanlif
e
growingi
nsideofme.Siyamust'
vepai
dhim,I
concl
ude.
Lookingbackonev er
ything,Ir
eali
zemybei ng
extremelygull
i
ble.Al
lthesignspointedtowards
pregnancy,butItr
ust
edSi yawitheveryfi
berin
me.Whywoul dIperf
orm anotherpregnancy
testaft
erpeeinginacupatar eputabledoctor'
s
offi
ce?

I'
vebeentryi
ngtostaycalmthewhol eday,
becauseIli
vedthroughthepai
nofst r
essing
andIdon'twanttogot hr
oughthatagain.
Besides,
Idon'twantanymorefavor
sf r
om Siya.
Howl ongwashegoingtokeepthi
sfrom me?
Thinki
ngI'
m si
ck,meanwhil
eI'
m car
ryi
nghis
baby.Howcanhet akesuchari
skwithmyli
fe?
Whatam Isupposedtodonow?
Ideci
detostopbyanInternetcafebef
or eIgo
home.Iresear
chandgatherasmuch
i
nformati
onasIcanont erminati
oncli
nicsin
thecountr
yandpri
nti
t.Ifoldthepapersand
shovethem i
nmybag,thenheadhome.

Iarri
vehome, andmom hascookedl ambcur ry
,
Icansmel li
tfrom thedoor .Iruntothekitchen,
butshe'snott here.Igetaspoonanddi gi
nto
thepotandst uffmyf ace.Igrabal oafofbread,
andindul ge.Icomet omysenses, 6sl i
ceslater
andcount l
essspoonsl ater.Istopthereand
then.Icleanmyf aceandt heki t
chenandhead
formyr oom.

Iwal
kt omyr oom andonmywaypeept hrough
mom'sdoor .She'
sfastasleeponhercovers.I
seealargebouquetofflowersonherfartable,
andIsmi l
e.Iwalktomyr om andl
andmybody
onmybed.Iml
yi
ngonmybackwhenIdeci
de
tocal
lSi
ya.
Heanswer
sont
hef
ir
str
ing.
Hi
m-"
Zinhl
e."
Me-"
Siy
a,Ineedt
oseey
ounowpl
ease.
"
Ihangup.

10minuteslater
,hecal
lstotell
mehe' soutsi
de.
Igr
abmyl it
tlegi
ftboxthatIboughtearl
i
erand
myresearchpapersfr
om mybagt henwalkout.

Ij
umpi nt
othecarandjustl
ookathi
mf orafew
minut
es.I'
mli
vid,
butI'
mt ry
ingt
ostaycalm.
Me-"
Siy
a,Igoty
ousomet
hing.
"
Hel
ooksatme,
bot
hconf
usedandi
ntr
igued.
Ihandhimt hegi
ftbox.Helooksatmewi
th
appreci
ati
onbeforeopeni
ngit.
Iwat
chhi
sev
erymov
ecar
eful
l
y.
Hel
i
ftst
hel
i
dthenl
ooksatmedumbst
ruck.

Me-"
Sur
pri
se!
"
Heswall
owswhatseemst
obeal
umpi
nhi
s
t
hroat
.
Hi
m-"
Zi.
."
Me-" Well
,youdon' tlooksurpr
ised.Welli
ncase
youdidn'tknowwhatt hoseare,theyare
pregnancytests.Thosedoubl elinesonthe2
testsandtheonet hat'
swrit
tenPREGNANTi n
boldmeansI 'm pregnant.Butyoual r
eadyknew
thatdidn'
tyou?"
Hi
m-"
wai
t,Ican.
."
Me-" expl
ain?Youcanexplainhowyoudecided
tokeepmef rom knowingthemosti
mportant
pieceofnewsi nmyl i
fe?"
Hi
m-"
No.
.I.
."
Me-"Youwhat ?Youf uckedme,foundoutIwas
pregnantthenwhatwasgoi ngtohappen?
ThosepillsthatStevengaveme, aret
heyeven
healt
hydur i
ngpr egnancyorarethey
terminat
ionpill
s?"
Hi
m-"
Iwoul
dnev
er.
."
Me-"Fucky ouSi
yabongaNyathi
!Fuckyou!I
gaveyoumymostpr i
zedpossessi
onandthisi
s
howy outreatme?Am Ireal
l
ywor t
hnothi
ngto
you?Doy ouhatemet hatmuch?"
Isoboutl
oud.
Me-"Siy
a,Il ovedyouwi theverybeatofmy
heart
.Il
ov edy ouwithy ourbaggage,your
mixedsignal s,
butthis?Uyang'zondabab'
Nyathi(
youhat emeMrNy athi
)andIt hi
nkI
hatethi
scr eaturegrowinginsi
deofme. "
Itakethepapersaboutt
ermi
nati
onandshov
e
them onhislapandwatchasherummages
throughthem.
Hi
m-"Zinhl
e,no!Pl
easedon'
t,
I'
ll
doany
thi
ng.
"
Hecr
iesoutloud.
Him-"Thisi
swhatyouwanttodo?Youwantto
ki
llourbaby
?Ourblessi
ngf
rom God?"I
tcomes
outasawhi sper
.
Ist
areathi
m.
Me-" maybe.Yousee?I
tsucksnotknowi
ng,
doesn'
tit
?"

Withthat
,Iopent
hedoorandr
unbacki
nthe
house.
[
04/
17,
20:
15]Wdz:
[34]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Thenextfewdays,Idecidetodot hethingsthat
I
'venegl
ected,
thethi
ngst hatIenjoy.Igo
j
oggingeverymorni
ngf or45mi nutes,medit
ate,
Itr
youtdif
fer
entcooki
ngandbaki
ngrecipes,
I'
veevengonebacktoreadi
ngt
otheelderl
yin
anoldagehomeclosetomyhouse.

IsentEv eanemai lr
equest i
ngsomet imeoff
forpersonalissues,
shej usttoldmetobring
mycopyoft hekeyfort heshopwhenIcan.
Af t
erherreply,Iswi
tchedof fmyphone.That
wasaweekor2ago, Ihaven'tbeenkeepi
ng
track.

Mymom hasbeenact ingsuspiciouslat

ely
.
She'
snotherbubblyselfaroundme, onl
yonthe
phonewit
hhermy ster
ymandoIseeherspar k.
Heraddedsuspi
cionsiswhati sforci
ngmet o
makeadecisi
onaboutt hispregnancysoon.

Thedayskeeppassing,
andIst
il
lhaven'
t
ver
if
iedmypregnancywithaGP,butIdon'
t
wantt over i
fyit.Iwantt hiswholesagat obea
l
ongni ght mar ethatIwakeupf rom, butthe
chancesoft hathappeni ngar ezero.TodayI've
decidedt hatIcan' tkeept hi
sbaby ,al
loutcomes
aren'tconduci ve,andIf earIwil
lresenthim or
herbecauset hey '
llbeaconst antreminderof
thewhor ishmi staket hatImade.Letal onethe
factthatmymot herwoul dkillmeandIwoul dn'
t
beabl etoaf fordthel i
feI'dwanttogi vehim/her.

Sot odayIwakeupandpr ay
, aski
ngGodt o
forgiv
emef orwhatI '
m abouttodo.Iget
dressedinri
ppedboy fr
iendjeans,aloosefi
tt
ing
topandmywhi teAllSt
arsneakers.Iwearli
ght
makeupandwearmyshadest oconcealmy
redpuf f
yeyes.Igrabmybagandheadoutt o
myUber .

Befor
eIr
eacht
hef
rontdoor
,mymom cal
l
s
aft
erme.
Her-"Mybaby , Idon'tknowwhati sgoingon
wit
hy ou,andI '
m notgoi ngt opret
endtoknow.
WhatIdoknowi st hatit
'seat i
ngy ouupinside,
andy ouarejustashel lofwhomyZi Ziusedt o
be.Whatev eritis,I
'm her e.Amot her'
sloveis
uncondit
ional.Thatwi llnev erchange.Youmay
beconfusednow, butdon' tmakeper manent
decisi
onsont empor aryemot i
ons.Everyt
hing
happensf orar eason."
Shepull
smeinforawar
m embr
aceandki
sses
thesi
deofmycheek.
Ipul
lawayandrunout
,Ihavet
ost
ickt
omy
gunsandgothr
oughwithit
.

Thecabdr opsmeoffaf ewmetersawayf r

om
thecl
ini
candIwalkther estoft
hewayt here.
Myhear ti
ssoheavy,Ij
ustwantsomeonet o
tal
kto,someonetoreassuremet hati
twi ll
all
beokay.Iwanttotel
lmysi st
ereveryt
hingt hat
's
happened,andhav
eusl aughatmymi sfort
une.
ButI'
m her
e,al
one,andI
'
m goi
ngt
hroughwi
th
thi
s.Icl
enchontomybagandmakemyway
i
nside.

Apparent
lyt
heyhavetoperf
orm anult
rasound
sotheycandetermi
nethecorr
ectter
minati
on
methoddependingonhowfaralongIam.

Ilayonmybackont hebedandlif
tmytopup.
Thenurseappl
iesacoldgelonmystomach
andplacest
hemachi neonmyabdomen.Ilook
awayfrom t
hescreenandaskhertotur
ndown
thevol
ume.Idon'twanttoheart
heheart
beat
.

Thenursefini
shesof
fandgivesmeapaper
towelt
owi pemybell
y.If
oll
owhertot
he
consul
tat
ionroom.
Nurse-"
SoIwasabletoestabl
i
shhowfary our
pr
egnancyi
s.You'
reabout9weeksint
oy our
pr
egnancyandwel
l t
here'
ssomethi
ngelse.
"
Me-"
what
?"
Nurse-"
Isaw2hear tbeats.Soyourterminat
ion
couldbealitt
lemoreintense.We'dprobably
havetoperform asurgi
calaborti
oninsteadofa
medicalone.We'duseaspecul um..
"
Me-"
2?2hear
tbeat
s?Ar
eyousur
e?"
Nurse-"
I'
m pr
ett
ysure.Soi
needt
oknowif
you'
regoingt
oconti
nuewit
hthet
ermi
nat
ion?
"
Tear
sfl
oodmycheeks.
Me-"
Uhm I
'
llneedsomet
ime,
thanky
ou.
"
Ir
ushout
.

*
*BRI
AN*
*
SoI'
vebeenf
oll
owi
ngZinhl
earound,
justt
oadd
tot
heammuniti
ont
hatIhave.Si
yahasbeen
tooquietforsomeonewhoselif
ecan
potent
ial
lychangeinasecond.I
'vefi
gur
edthat
gather
ingmor eint
elwi
l
lsecurethatR5mil
l
ion
payday .

Nothi
ngcoul
dhavepr eparedmeforseei
ng
Zi
nhlewal
kintoanabor t
ioncl
ini
c.Shespent
qui
tesometimeintheretoo.

I'
vebeentappi
ngonmyst eer
ingwheel f
orwhat
seemslikefor
ever,
debatingwhetherIshould
goinsi
deandst opZinhl
e,orIshoul
djustleave
thi
ngsbe.

JustasIgr abmyphoneandopenmydoor ,
Zinhlecomesrunningout.Icl osemydoorand
recli
nemyseat .She'
sv i
siblydist
raught
,even
throughhershades,Icant ell
she'sbeencryi
ng.
Myhear tachesalitt
le,
she'st heoneperson
t
hatdoesn'
tdeser
veanyoft
his.

Watchingheristoodepr
essi
ngf orme.Ineeda
qui
ckie.Ispeedofft
omygi r
lthat'
sbeen
wai
tingallmorni
ng.

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Ifeel
dizzysoIsi
tont
hesideofthepavement
andregainmynormal
breat
hingpatt
ern.
Icomposemy
sel
f,Iam si
tt
ingont
hef
il
thyf
loor
aft
eral
l.

Igetupanddr i
nkabot t
leofwaterfr
om mybag.
Ideci
deit'
sbesttokill
2birdswithonest one
si
nceI'
m alreadyoutofthehouse.I
'l
ljustgo
dropoffmykey satthebouti
quenow.

Igr
abat
axi
andar
ri
veatt
heshopt
ofi
ndt
he
"Cl
osed"signup.Eveputsi
tupifshe'satthe
backhavinglunchandther
e'snoothershop
assi
stantaround.

Iusemykeyt oopenupandwal ktotheback.

Myj awdropstothefloorwhenIf
indEve
holdingontoherdeskandsomeonepounding
herfrom behi
nd.
Ev
e-"
Yes!YesBr
ian!I
'
m cuuummi
ng!
"
[
04/
17,
20:
17]Wdz:
Mor
ningmor
ning!
[
35]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Istandther
egluedtothegr oundforafew
minutes,t
henIrunasfastasmyl egscancarr
y
me, Ir
unawayuntilI
'm outofbreath.Igo
str
aighthomeandlockmy selfi
nmyr oom.I
pacemyr oom,butthenIfeel di
zzysoit'
sti
meI
l
aiddown.Itakeoffmyshoesandsmashmy
bodyont
othebed.IscreechasIfeel
somethi
ng
pokemyback.If
indaf ewlet
ter
sscatter
edon
mybed,butonestr
ikesmyey e.

I
t'
sal ett
erfrom UNISA.I'
vebeenaccept
edi
nto
bothcoursesI'v
eappl i
edfor
;BSc
Pharmaacologyaswel lasChemical
Engineer
ing.I'
m ecstat
ic!
I'
vedr eamedofst art
ingmyownski n
care/ cosmet icr
angef orawhilenow, soI
fi
gur edei theronift
hesequal i
ficati
onscould
bri
ngmeast epclosertodoingso.I '
dbean
entrepr eneurwithaqual i
fi
cati
on.Iwouldn'tjust
bet hrowi ngmoneyi ntheoperat i
onandbar king
order s,butI'dbeabletobei nvolvedwit
hthe
process.
I'
vealwaysimaginedthisdream t
obe
unatt
ainabl
e,butI'
m pregnantwitht
wins,
the
fat
herofmybabi esismar ri
edtoawoman
cheati
ngwithhisbestfriend.Soany
thi
ngis
possi
ble!

I
'mj umpingaroundinmyroom whenIfeel
dizzyandIgettheurgetot
hrowup.Iruntothe
bathroom andthrowup.WhenI'
m done,If
lush
thetoil
et,andsi
tther
eforaminute,
looki
ngat
myst omach.
Me-" Hi babi
es,it'
smey ourmom.Wow, Ididn't
thi
nkI '
dsayt hatany t
imesoon, butthat
'swhoI
am.I '
my ourmommy .Your eall
ytookmeby
surpri
se, andI'm sorr
yfort hinki
ngthewor st
andal mostt aki
ngy ourlivesf r
om you.ButI
swearonev erythingIl
ov eandhol ddear ,
thatI
wil
l protectyouwi thevenmyl astdyi
ngbr eath.
Justst ayinthereandcookasl ongasy ouneed
toandpr omisey ouwon' tcomeoutl ookingli
ke
yourdaddy .
"
Ihol
dontomystomachawhi
l
elongerandt
hen
getupt
obrushmyteet
h.
Igotomyr oom andswi tchonmyl aptop.Iplay
Tamiainthebackgr oundwhi l
eIbr owset he
i
nternet
.I'
mi gnorantregardi
ngpr egnancyand
symptomsandf oodst oavoidetc,soIt ryto
fi
ndasmuchi nformationasIcanandt r
y
absorbital
l.Ialsoreali
zethatIdon' thavea
gynecol
ogist,nowt hatI'
m keepi
ngmy
munchkins,Ineedt hebesthealthcar eIcan
aff
ord.
Crap,
aboutthat.Howam Igoi
ngtoaffor
dallof
thi
s?Mytuiti
on,mybabi
es,theappoi
ntments,
andI'
m nolongeronmymom' smedicalai
d.
Sot hatneedst obeapr iori
ty,getsomemedi cal
aidquot es,t
rytof i
ndempl oyment ,and
calculatemysav ings.Idon'twantanyf inanci al
assistancefrom mymot her,I
'vedent edher
bankbal anceenoughov erthey ears.Ijusthope
thatI'
m abletodoi tall,
andmysav ingsst retch
ov ert
heupcomi ngmont hs.Ilookatmy
designerbagsandshoespeepi ngt hrought he
closet,andthinktomy selfthatal ogical option
wouldbet
osellthem atsomepoint
.Hopeful
ly
Evepaysmefortheday sthatI
'
veworked,
I'
m
goi
ngtoneedthatmoney .
Istar
tmybr eat
hingexercisesasIseemychest
mov eupanddownuncont rol
labl
y.Ineedto
havefait
ht hati
twillal
lwor kout.Imightnotbe
abletogivemymunchki nswhatIwantt ogive
them,buthopef ul
lyI'm abletogivet
hem what
theyneed.

I
'vebeent r
yingt oav oi
dt hinkingaboutEv eand
Brian,butI'
mf ail
ing.Iknowonet hing,andi t
's
thatI'm nottheonet hat'
sgoi ngtot el
lSiya.I
j
usthav esomanyunanswer edquest i
ons, l
ike
howl onghast hisbeengoi ngonf or?Isitaf ul
l
onr elat
ionship?I sitpurelysexual ?Washet he
guyshewast alkingtotheot herdayabout
"havingapl an? "Oristhatanot herman.
Il
aughoutl
oud,
thi
sisamusi
ng.
Iguesst
hat
'swhatSi
yaget
sforbei
ngsucha
sel
fi
shpr
ick,
acheat
ingwi
fe!

Ial
soneedt obut t
erupSi ya,becauseIwantout
ofthiscontr
act.Theoneper sont hatcoul dhelp
mei shim.I'
m notsur eaboutEv e'smot ives
ri
ghtnow, soIdoubtIcant rusther .Itseems
l
ikeshe'sonawar pathonherown, andIdon't
wantt obethetarget.Hopefull
yt here'sal i
tt
le
fl
exibi
li
tyinthi
scont r
act.

*
*SI
YA*
*
Ihaven'tsl
eptinwhatseemstobeforever
.Ev
er
sinceZinhleshovedt
hosepapersabout
terminati
ononmyl ap,myli
fehasbeenona
downwar dspiral
.

Ihavebeenspendi
ngalotoft
imeawayfr
om
myhouse,I'
veneededti
metothi
nkandput
ever
ythi
nginorder
.Evei
sawayonherexpo'
sor
conferencesorwhatev ertheyare,fr
ankl
yIdon't
careeither.I
'
m star
ti
ngt or esentmy
rel
ati
onshipwi t
hEve, becauseul t
imatel
ythat
'
s
what'skeepingmef rom bei ngwithmy
soulmat e,
andnowi tjustfeelsli
keitwasalla
far
ce.

Speakingaboutmyheart,
Irecei
veddi
stur
bing
newst oday.I
'v
ehadsomeonewat chover
Zinhlei
nmyabsence,Iknowshewant edmeto
stayaway ,
that'
swhyI
'v
esentsomeoneel set
o
dot hejob.

Appar entl
yshewentt oanabor t
ioncli
nicear
li
er
today.Ihadpr ayedandpl eadedwithGodt odo
somet hingtoprev entherfr
om harmingour
baby ,butIguessi tdi
dn'twork.ThereportI
receivedalsoincludedthatthere'
ssomeone
elsekeepingtabsonher .Thedescri
ption
mat chesthatofmyf ri
end,Bri
an.He'sso
pr
edi
ctabl
e.

Ther e'samet hodbehi ndmymadness.I 'm not

givingBr ianabl ackcent ,becauseI '
v edeci ded
thatmyf ut uredoesn' thav eEv einit.Theday
aftermyt ripfrom t heSout hCoastwi t
hZi nhle,
I
knewt hatst ayingwoul dmakebot hEv eandI
miser able.SoImetwi thoneofmyl awy ersthat
verydayt oor gani zeagener oussettlementf or
Eve.I '
v ebeenpost poni ngmyf ol
lowup
meet i
ngsbecauseofmyschedul eandt hen
fi
ndi ngoutaboutt hebaby .That'sconsumed
mymi ndev erysecondofev er
yday .Somuch
so, thatIhadt osendsomeguy stor oughenup
thatThabi soboyofZi nhl
e's.Ican'thav eour
creat i
onunderanyst ress, Thabisogi vesme
stressandIdi dn'tev endat ehim.Hopef ull
yhe
get sthemessage, becausei fhet r
iest of i
ght
fi
rewi thfirehewi lll
ose.Thatwoul dbel ike
bringingawat ergunt oanucl earwar .
I'
m si
tti
ngi nmyst udyinmyhouse, andI'm
l
ookingdownatamoundofpaper s.Sett
lement
forEve,theestateformyunbor nbaby,and
eventhesur rogacycontr
act.I
t'
struethatwhen
youmakepl ans,Godlaughsatyou,becauseif
youhintedanyoft hisayearago,itwould'
ve
beenajoke.

Ineedt oaf fordEv et her espectofsitti

ngdown
withherandhav ingal engthl
yconv ersation
regar di
ngourmar ri
ageandi t'
sfuture,orl ack
thereof .Ineedt omakeherr eali
zethatour
mar riagei sn'tont hel i
nebecauseofZi nhle, i
t'
s
ont hel inebecauseInowknowwhatt ruel ove
i
s, andIdon' twantei theroneofust olive
anot hermi nutewi thoutexpl ori
ngit.Idon' t
believei npol y
gamy ,
i wantt ogivemyal lina
singler elationshipanddev ouroneper sonf or
ther estofmyl if
e,sohav ingat i
met ablef orthe
womeni nmyl i
feisabsur dt ome.Ican' t
bombar dherwi t
hlawy ershaphazar dly,
she's
beenapar tofmyl ifefory ears,andt hatneeds
toberespected.Wehav ecount l
essmemor i
es,
weknowsomuchabouteachot her,ourinsi
de
j
okes,thedayswecr iedt ogether,theday swe
l
aughedt ogether,t
heday swel aughedunt i
lwe
cri
edtogether.Ourmut ual f
ri
ends, ourmut ual
enemies.Regardlessofwhat 'sgoingon
curr
entl
y ,
we'vehadal i
fet ogetherandt hat
countsforsomet hing.Ididbr eakmyv ows, and
Ineedtobeaccount able.
Hopeful
lyIcansetthisupsoonerr
ather,t
he
soonerIcomecl eantoEve,
thebet
ter.Ino
l
ongerwantt hi
swei ghi
ngonmyshoul der
s.

Somet i
mesIwishI'
dnev ermetZinhle,because
thenI'
dbecontentandwouldsti
llbeobl i
v i
ous
tothepossi
bil
it
iesofsomethi
nggr eaterthan
me; somet
hingint
angibl
eandinexpli
cabl e;
somethi
ngthat'
sawokenmyspiri
tandf l
airfor
l
ife.I
'
m aboutt
ochangeEve'
sli
feforever
,Ijust
hopeshe'
sabletofor
giv
emeoneday .

IknowthatZi
nhlewenttoanabort
ioncl
i
nic,but
Ihavefai
thi
nthewomant hathasmyheart.I
'm
holdi
ngontotheti
niestgl
i
mmerofhopet hat
mybabyissti
llal
iv
e.
[
04/
17,
20:
18]Wdz:
[36]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
It
'sbeenabout2weekssi nceIwitnessedEv e
andBr iandot heunthinkabl
e,butitsti
ll
feels
l
ikey esterday.Ev ehasn'tcontact
edme, she'
s
probabl ydebat i
nginherheadwhet herIsawher
ornot .That '
snol ongermyi ssuethough.The
Ny at
hi'scandeal wit
ht hei
rownbaggage, I
've
gotat onofmyown.Iwasal r
eadyacat al
ystin
Siyabr eakinghismar riagevows,I'
m notabout
tobet hebearerofsuchhor ri
fi
cnewst hat
frankl
yhav enothingtodowi t
hme.Si ya
deservest oknowt hathe'
sbeingstabbedbya
doubleedgedswor d,notonl
yishiswife
cheati
ng, butshe'scheati
ngwithhisbestfr
iend.
Hewi l
l notbefindingoutfr
om met hough,no
thanks.

Afterhundr edsofphonecal l
s,I
'
vefinal
lyfound
agy necologist ,
andtodayIhav emyf i
rst
consul t
ation.IknowI '
m alitt
lel
ate,butthi
shas
allbeensoov er
whelming,I'
vebeendoi ng
thi
ngsatmyownpace.He' sacredibl
edoct or
,
withinternationalexperi
ence.He'sevenhelped
i
naf ewr efugeecampsdel i
veri
ngbabiesand
offeri
ngi nfantcare,soatleastI'
m comf or
tedin
knowi ngt hatIwon'tjustbeapaychequet o
him.

I
'
m anx
iousl
ywai
ti
ngi
nthewai
ti
ngr
oom,
when
mynamei scalled.ImeettheDoctor,
andIstop
i
nmyt r
acks,
hel ooksyoungerthanIassumed
he'dbe.Hecansenset hatI'
m anxi
oussohe
tr
iestomakelightconversat
ion.
Hi
m-"
Thereisnothi
ngtoworryaboutMi
ss.
."he
r
ummagesthroughhispaper
sinfr
ontofhi
m.
Me-"
Khumal
o..butpl
easej
ustcal
lmeZi
nhl
e."
Him-"
OkaythenZi
nhl
e,y
oucancal
lmeSbu.
Doct
orNgcoboist
oofor
malformyl
iki
ng.
"
Inodandhef
lasheshi
ssmi
l
e.
He'saadar kmochaski ntone, wit
hbushy
eyebrowsandt hicklongey elashes.Hisey es
ar
eami xtur
eofal ighthazel andahi ntof
emer ald.Icouldgetlostint henforday s.His
smilelightsupt heroom andhehasan
ef
fortlessf r
iendlypersona.

Hi
m-" Okay
,somindtel
li
ngmewhatIowethe
pl
easureofseei
ngsuchbeaut
ysoear
lyi
nthe
mor
ning.
"
Ismil
eandl i
ckmyl i
ps.Ithi
nkIchosethe
wrongdoctor.I
'
m nervousenough,andhi
s
charm andgoodlooksaren'
tmakingthi
ngs
easi
er.
Me-"
I'
m pr
egnant
."
Hi
sey
esshootout
.
Me-"
Sur
pri
sing?
"
Hi
m-"IguessIj
ustassumedy ouwer
eher
efor
f
amil
yplanni
ng.Conti
nuethough.
"
Me-"Well
,It
ooksomehomet est
sandthey
wereal
lposit
ive.SoIguesst
henextst
episto
geti
tconfi
rmed."
Him-"Uhmm okay,Isee.Wellt
henl
et'
sgety
ou
ontot
hebedandseei ft
here'
ssomethi
ng
cooki
ngunderneat
ht hoseabs."
Thef
lat
ter
y!
Hi
m-"
Let
'sputsomecol
dgel
ony
ou,
shal
lwe?
"
Igi
vehi
m aconcer
nedl
ook.
Him-"Don'
twor
ry,
you'
l
lhar
dlyf
eel
any
thi
ng.
Fol
lowme."
Hel
eadsmetot hebedandhet
ell
smetoli
ftup
mydress,
soIdo,rev
eal
ingmyr
edlacet
hong.
Heclearshi
st hr
oatt hengrabsal ar
gepaper
towelandplacesitonmyl ap.If
li
nchashe
appli
esthecoldgel andproceedswi t
hthe
ult
rasoundandslightlypushesdownonmy
abdomen.

Hi
m-"
Arey
ouokay
?"
Het
ouchesmyhai
r,andInod.
Him-"
Oohl uckyyou,y
ouget2babi
esfort
he
pri
ceofone.Talkaboutki
l
li
ngt
wobirdswit
h
onestonehey?"
Helaughs,
butIjustgi
vehim ablankstare.He
cl
earshist
hroatthenpoi
ntsatthescreen.
Him-"Sothoset
wodots,ar
ey ourbabi
esZi
nhl
e,
andthatsoundi
sthei
rhear
tbeat.
"
Isobandholdontohi
sarm, hecomesclosert
o
meandgivesmeawar m hug.Aft
erwhat
seemsli
keforev
er,If
inal
l
ypul l
away.
Me-"
I'
m sor
ry.
"Isni
ffawayt
hel
astofmyt
ear
s.
Him-"Don'
tapol
ogi
ze.Letmepr
intt
heseout
foryouandwecanhaveachati
nmyof f
ice.I
'
ll
giveyousometi
mealone.
"

Heleavesther oom andIwi pemybel lyand

l
owermydr ess.Imakeament alnotet owear
pantsandat opnextt i
me.Ionlywor et hisdress
becauseIfeel myselfgai
ningali
ttlewei ght,
and
thi
savocadof igur
ehuggingmaxi dressi sone
ofmyf av
orites,Iwantedtoweari tbeforeI
becomeawhal e.Iputonmygl adiatorsandal s
andgrabmybag.It akeadeepbr eathi nthenI
fi
nall
ytur
nt heknobandmakemywayt othe
off
ice.
Isi
tacr
ossfr
om t
hedoctorandhehasawi
de
smil
eonhisf
ace,
soIrecipr
ocat
e.
Him-" SoZinhle,
ev er
ythingseemsnor mal,your
bloodpr essurei
sal i
ttl
ehi gh,that'
ssomething
I'
dlikeust oworkon.Ot hert hanthat,
congratulati
ons,i
tlooksl i
key ou'r
ecarryi
ng
twins.You'reatacr i
ti
cal t
imei nyourpregnancy,
almost11weeks, andcar ryi
ngt winsmakes
yoursituati
onmor edelicate."
Inodatev
erywor
dhesay
s.
Him-"I'
llpr
escr i
bey ousomepr e-natalvit
ami ns.
Ifyoudon'tmi ndmeaski ng;Wher e'
st hefather?
Asuppor tsystem isnecessarydur i
ngsucha
ti
me, andsincey ourbloodpressurei salit
tl
e
concerni
ngf orme, Iwanttoknowi fit'
sbeing
tri
ggeredbyt hepregnancyorot herissues."

Il
i
ckmyl
i
ps,
becauseSi
yai
ssomeonet
hatI
wor
khar
datf
orget
ti
ngev
ery
day
.
Me-" Thef atherisnolongerinthepict
ure,and
honestlyIt hinkthatsi
tuati
onwithhim has
probablyincr easedmyBPl ev
elstosomeext ent
,
butI'm wor kingonit.I
'
v egonebackt o
medi t
ating, sohopeful
lythathasaposi t
ive
effect.
"
Him-"
Youmedit
ate?I'
vealwayswant
edt
otr
yit
,
butIt
hinkI
'
mtoohy perf
orit
.
Me-"Well
maybeonedayI'
ll
showy ouhow.
Every
onedoesi
tdi
ff
erent
ly,
soit
'snotthat
hard.
"
Hi
m-"
I'
ll
hol
dyout
othat
."
Hef
lashesasmi
l
e.
Hehandsmeasmallf
olderwi
thmybabi
es
ul
tr
asoundandmypr
escri
pti
on.
Hi
m-"
Doy
ouhav
eanyquest
ionsf
orme?
"
Me-"
Yes,act
uall
y.Ij
ustthi
nktheymightt
ake
t
hewholedaythough,andyoumightfi
ndthem
ali
tt
ler
idi
cul
ous.I
t'
sjustt
hatt
hisi
smyf
ir
st
t
ime.
Him-"Okay,befor
eyourbl
oodpressur
espikes,
I'
ll
giveyoumyemai laddr
essandyoucanemai l
mey ourquesti
onsorconcer
nsorwhatev
er ,
anythi
ngwel eaveout
,maybewecanmeetup
forcoff
eethen."
Me-"
Uhmm.
."
Him-"I
t'
sadealthen.Setupyournext
consul
tat
ionwit
hSt ephani
eint
hefront
.Iguess
I'
l
lbewaiti
ngforthatemail
."
Hewi nksatmeandIt akethatasmycuet o
l
eav e.Ireachthedoorofhisoffi
ce,
andturn
aroundbecauseIcanf eelhiseyesbur
ninga
holestraightt
hroughmyboot y.
I
'mrighthe'
sstar
ingr
ightati
t,hel
ooksdown
whenher eal
i
zesI'
vecaughthi
m andIsmil
eto
myself.
Ibaskinthesunandl ookupi nt otheheav ens.I
takeamomentt ot hankGodf orkeepi ngme
andmybabi essaf e,andIr ealizet hent hatthi
s
i
sal l
ablessing.Blessingsdon' talway scomei n
abigredbow, andt hisisjustoneoft hose
examples.Thisisn'tanideal situation,butI'
v e
beenentrust
edwi tht wohumanl i
ves,andt hat'
s
amazing.

IwalktoaMugg&Beancl osebyandi ndulgein

somechocchi pflapj acks.Itakeadv antageof
thewifiandapplyf oraf ewbur saries,andIread
myemai l
s.I
'verecei v
edaf ewquot ati
ons
regar
dingmedi cal aidandhospi tali
zationplans,
tomorrowIneedt oconf ir
m mypr emium
payment .If
eelasenseofempower ment ,
asI
takechargeofmyl ifeonest epatat i
me.Iemai l
Siyat
hatIneedt ot al
kt ohim andhecal l
s
almostimmedi ately.
Me-"
Hi"
Hi
m-"
Zinhl
e..Baby
,ar
eyouokay
?"
Me-"I
'
mf i
ne.LookIneedt
ospeakt
oyoui
n
per
son,pr
efer
ablysomewher
epubl
i
c."
Hi
m-"
Wher
e?When?Shoul
dIpi
cky
ouup?
"
Mr-"
Aty
ourear
li
estconveni
ence.Youcan
emai
lmeandI'
l
lbethere.
"
Idropthephoneandletoutabreat
hIdidn'
t
reali
zeIwasholdi
ng.Iguesshesti
l
lhasan
effectonme.

Ihaveafewdeci sionstomakeregardi
nghim.I
knowIcan'tkeept hebabi
esfr
om himf orev
er,
butI'
m st
il
lsohur tbywhathedid.Ineedhimt o
squir
m ali
ttl
e.Ijustneedonethi
ngfrom
Siy
abongaNy athi;awayoutofthi
scont r
act.
[
04/
17,
20:
20]Wdz:
[37]
*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Thef esti
veseasoni spr et t
ymuchuponus, and
I'
m noti nthef esti
v espi rityet.I'v
et r
iedlooki ng
forajobev eryday , butmostpl acesar eshut ting
downsoon, sot heyar en'tlooki ngtoempl oy
anyone.Unl essIdeci det owor kasawai t
r ess,
andunf ortunat elyst andi ngandwor kingfor14
hoursadayi sn'tideal inmysi tuat i
on.Ican
barelystandf or2hour swi thoutneedi nganap
asitis.Yetagai n, Ican'texpectmymot hert o
beresponsi bl efor3l i
v es.She' sbeenagi tated
atseeingmel azear oundev er
y dayar oundt he
house, butmymom i st oosweett osay
anything.

I
'm soaki nginawar m bat
hwi t
haf ewdr opsof
yl
angy lang.I'
mt ry
ingtotakecont rolofmy
bl
oodpr essure,
andmyhol i
sti
cr emedieshave
neverfailedmebef ore.I
'm pl
ayingAdel eonmy
phone,whi leIty
peal engthl
yemai ltoSbut he
doct
or.

He'sbeenagem.He' sanswer edall ofmycr azy

questions, andhe' sallowedmet ofeel
comf ortableenought oaskev enthemost
outrageousofquest i
onsThat '
sallIwant ed
from agy necol ogist
,someoneIcoul dbe
compl etelytransparentwi th.RightnowI 'm
askinghi m abouti fit
'smandat or
yt odelivervi
a
C-sectionsi nceI'm carryingt winsandi fmy
babieswi llgetaf f
ectedbyt hatdri
nki ngspreeI
hadear li
erondur i
ngt hepr egnancy .IknowI
shouldgetami dwi f
eoradoul a,butwhohas
thatkindofmoneyl yingar ound?Notme.
Besides, Sbui sn'
tcompl aining.
Sbucal
l
sassoonasIcl
i
ckt
he"
send"but
ton.

Hi
m-"
Zinhl
e,di
dyouseewhatt
imei
tis?
"
Me-"
Iknowi
t'
saf
terwor
khour
s,butt
his
questi
onjustcamet omi
nd,
andIneedy
our
prof
essionalopi
nion.
"
Him-"
You'v
easkedmemill
i
onsal
ready,
and
youst
il
lhaveafewmont
hstogo,
don'twor
ry.
"
Me-"
butSbu.
."
Him-" No.Iknowy ouwantt obepr eparedfor
thebabi es,butyoushoul dalsoenjoythisti
me
andst opst ressi
ngov erthesmallstuff
.
Embr acet heunknown, it'
spartofbecomi nga
mot her.Any thi
ngelsey ouwanttoknowwecan
discussaf teryourconsultat
ioninaf ewday s
overacupoft eaorMi l
o.That'
swhaty ou're
cravingtheseday sright?"
Webot
hlaugh.
Me-"
Okay
,okayt
hanky
ouSbu.Goodni
ght
!"
Hi
m-"
Goodni
ghtZi
Zi"
WehangupandIlayi
nthewater
.Ihum tot
he
songt
hat'
spl
ayi
ng.AsIcl
osemyey es,
my
mom bar
gesi
ntothebat
hroom.
Mom-"ZiZiyou'
vebeeninher
ef or
ever
..
"she
l
ooksdownatmewi thaconfusedlook
pl
aster
edonherface,assheanaly
sesmy
nakedbody
.
Ijumpupandt ur
nmybackt of
aceher,
Ihaven'
t
toldherthenewsyet,
andmyful
lbr
eastsand
chubbyt ummycouldgiv
emeaway.Igr
abthe
towelfrom t
hefl
oorandcov
ermybody.
Mom-"
Zinhl
e?"
Herey
esar
egl
i
steni
ngwi
tht
ear
s.
Me-"Ma,I'
m done.Ifor
gotmyf acemaski nmy
room."Ir
ushpastherandgot omyr oom.I
sli
dedownagainstmydoorandt r
ywrapmy
headaroundwhatshecouldpossiblythi
nking
atthi
smoment .Myheartisleapi
ngoutofmy
chest
,andmyner vesaresli
ghtl
ykicki
ngin.

Af
ewmi
nut
esl
ater
,Ihearherwal
ktowar
dsmy
bedroom.Shestandsoutsi
demydoor ,
she
cl
earsherthr
oatandIcanhearthathervoi
cei
s
breaki
ngwhenshest ar
tstospeak.
Her-"Uhmm Iwant edtotel
lyouthaty oursi
ster
willbecomi nginaf ewdays,andI '
m busywith
thechur chconferencesoI'
dappr eciatei
tif
you'dcleanupherr oom alit
tl
e.Goodni ght
Zinhle.
"Wi t
ht hatshewalksawayandIhearher
doorshutcl osedandshor t
lyaft
erwar dsIhear
herlockherdoor ,whichi
ssomet hingshenev er
does.
Shenevercal
ledmebymyful
lname.Iwas
ei
therher"
baby"or"
ZiZi
"
Howam Igoi
ngt
oexpl
aint
hist
omyf
ami
l
y?
WhatdoIdoifsheasksmet
oleav
eherhouse
whenIof
fi
cial
lytel
lher
?
Whatwil
lIdo?Shackupwi
tht
heNy
athi
'
sand
pl
ayhappyfamil
y?
Thedayofmyconsul tat
ionhasf i
nall
yarri
ved,
andI'm soexcit
edtoseehowmymunchki ns
aredoing.Idecideonwear i
ngwhi t
eleggings
andanof ftheshoulderfri
l
ledblueandwhi te
shir
t,nudewedgesandnudebag.Idon' twanta
repeatoflastti
me,andwi ththi
soutfi
t,youcan
barel
yt el
lthatmyhipsareexpandingandIl ook
l
ikeIhav eabeerbelly.

I'
m onthebedi nt
heconsult
ati
onroom andI'm
smili
ngfrom eart
oear.Ist
il
lcan'
tgetoverthei
r
heart
beats.Sbupri
ntsoutacopyofmy
munchkinsthenweheadt otheoff
icet
ot al
k.
Him-"Sot heyseem tobedoi nggood.13weeks
nowsoy ourstat
eisn'tsocrit
ical
any more.Your
bl
oodpr essureisstabil
izi
ng,butit
'sstil
lnot
whereIwanti ttobe.I'
llhavetocontinueto
moni t
orit,wedon'twanty oudeveloping
preecl
ampsi a.
"
Me-"
They
'r
efi
net
houghr
ight
?They
'r
egr
owi
ng
r
atei
sfi
ne?
"
Hi
m-"Yes,
ever
ythi
ngel
seseemst
obef
ine.
"I
br
eat
heoutasighofr
eli
ef.
Me-"
Ismyweightgai
nnormal
though?Shoul
dI
goonadi
etorsomething?
"
Hi
m-"Zi
nhle,
y ou'
recar
ryi
ngnotone,butt wo
l
it
tl
ehumans,sodon'tcompareyourpregnancy
t
oother
s.Atleastyouhaveanamazingr eason
f
orgai
ningweight.
"
Hewi nksatme, t
henjot
sdownsomenot esin
myf older,
Itr
ytopeektosee,buthis
handwr i
ti
ngisthatofa2yearoldlear
ningt
o
wri
tecur si
ve.

Him-"Sinceyou'
renotpayi
ngf
ormyadterhour
s
ser
vices,it
'sonl
yfai
rthaty
outakemeoutto
l
unch."
Il
aughsl
i
ght
ly.
Me-"
IknowDoct
orNgcobo!Youdon'
thav
eto
t
ell
met
wice.
"
Ir
oll
myey
es.
Him-"
Good,
letmegr
abmyt
hingst
henwecan
go.
"
Me-"
Yourot
herpat
ient
s?"
Hi
m-"Icl
earedmyschedul
e.Iwasn'
taboutt
o
l
ett
hisopport
uni
typassmeby."
Hegrabshi
sthi
ngst
henl
eadshi
swayt
ohi
s
car
.

I
'm walki
ngbehindhi
m, andI'
m ashamedtosay
thatI
'
m checki
nghim out.Ibl
amei tont
he
hormonesthough.
He'
swearingnavysli
mf i
tpant
s,acri
spwhi
te
shi
rtt
uckedin,
tanloafer
sandtanbel
t.
Hest
opsaheadofme.
Him-"DoIneedtocall
myl awy
erandf
il
ea
sexualhar
assmentsui
t?"
Helaughsoutloud,
andmycheekst
urnr
edwi
th
embarrassment.
Heopenshi
scardoorf
ormeandwedr
iveof
f.

Wear riveataquai ntyetel

egantrestaurantby
thebeachi ntheNor th.Ourconversati
onis
effort
lessandi t
'ssafetosaywe'rebot h
enjoyi
ngour selves.Forthi
sonemomentIdon' t
thinkaboutf i
nances,employment, oranythi
ng
else.I
t'sjustus.

Hi
m-"Sodoyouthi
nky
ou'
rer
eadyf
oraf
tert
his
9monthsi
sover
?"
Me-"
honestl
y,no.I
'
m scaredshi
tl
ess,
butI
'
m
pr
ayi
ngforstr
engthever
yday.
"
Hi
m-"Wel
li
fyouev
erneedany
thi
ng,
I'
ll
be
t
here.
"
Hebr
ushesmyhand.
Me-"Thanky
ou,
Ireal
l
yappreci
ateev
erythi
ng
you'
vedonesof
ar.
"Ifl
ashhi
m asmile.

Het el
l
smeabouthi ssibl
ingsandhi sdeeplove
thathehasf orhismother.Hisey esl
ightup
whenhet alksabouthisfamily,anditmakesmy
heartmelt
.Het ell
smet hathepl ansonopening
apubliccl
inicwithpri
vatefacil
i
tiesinthenext
yearortwo.I'm awedatthehumani t
ari
anwithi
n
him.

Wesitf
orhoursi
nther
estaurantunt
ilwe
r
eal
i
zewe'retheonl
y2peopleleft
.
Hepay
sthebil
landweleav
e.Outsi
demyhouse,
Ibi
dhi
m goodni
ghtandhekissesmyhand.
He'
sbeent
heper
fectgent
leman.
[04/
17,20:
35]Wdz:
GoodMor
ning,
hav
ean
awesomeday !
[
38]

*
*SI
YA*
*
I'
vet ri
ednoti nterf
er i
nginZi nhl e'
sli
fe,but
seeingherwi thanot herman, Idon'tknowi fI
candot hat.That'swher eIdr awt heli
ne.WhenI
receivedanupdat et hatZinhlewaswi thsome
doct oratasceni cr estaur
antbyt hebeach, I
didn'tev enwai tformymeet ingt ocomet oan
end.It oldt heguyt or eschedul eorgetlostand
Ilefthimi nmyof f
ice.Itsami racleIdidn'
tget
i
nv olvedi nacaracci dent,becauseIwasf lyi
ng.
Itri
edcal l
ingZi nhleont hewayt othe
restaur ant,andsur prisesurpr ise;mynumber
wasbl ocked.

Iarr
ivedattherestaurantwithmyguninhand
asIwalkedt owardstheent r
ance,
butthenI
caughtaglimpseofZi nhle.Shewaslaughi
ng
andglowing,itmademyhear tmelt
.Thelast
ti
meIwaswi thhershewasangr y ,disappointed,
distraughtandIi nfl
ict
edt hoset ear sshecr i
ed.
Seei nghersohappymademer ealizet hatmy
angeri sn'twhatsheneeds.SoIwal kedaway .I
wentbackt omycaranddeci dedI '
dgi v ethe
ner daf airchancef ornow, butheshoul dn't
mi stakemyki ndnessf orweakness.Lett hem
hav et heirl astsupper ,asf orme, Iwai tedinthe
par kingl otj ustincasehel ayhi sf i
lthyhandson
Zinhl e.Ical ledheragai nwi t
habl ockednumber ,
andIl it
er allysawherl ookati tringt henshe
reject edit .Shepr obablyknewi twasme.That
wast hewor st4hour sofmyl if
e.Ican' tcount
thet imesIhadt ot akeoutmybul letstost op
my sel ffrom bl owingahol et hrought hatgeek' s
head.

I
'vegiv
enZi nhleherspace,notbecauseI
wantedto,butbecauseIwant edtocomeback
i
ntoherli
fewi thsomethingconcretetoof
fer
her,
andIcan' tdothatasamar ri
edman.
Ifearthoughthatshe'susedt histi
met oget
overmeandmov eon,whilstI'
m evendeeperin
l
ov ewithherthanbefore.Iwentt omyhousea
weekagot ot
alktoEv eaboutsepar at
ionand
shewentbal l
isti
c;thr
owingv aseaftervaseat
me.Shef inal
l
ycal meddown, thenheremotions
switchedfrom angertohurtanddesper ati
on.
Shebeggedandpl eadedtogiveusachance,
sheev enkneltbef
oremepl eadingwithmeto
trycounsel
ingorwhat everi
ttakestomakeus
better
.IhatedthatIwast hereasonforher
tears,
butwhatwasIt odo?

Ileftmyhouset hatdaywithmyhear theav

y .I
setupameet ingwit
hmyl awyert hefoll
owing
dayt oadjusttheset
tl
ement ,
althoughIknow
thatthrowingmoneyatapr oblem isn'tt
hebest
thingtodo, r
ightnowIfeelasifit
'stheonly
thingtodo.
Somet hi
ngaboutEv ewasunset tli
ngt hough
thatday.Itwasi nthemor ning,y
etshewasf ull
y
clot
hed,inast ai nedfigurehuggi ngdr ess.Her
l
ipsti
ckwassmudgedandshewasn' twear ing
herri
ng.Ir ememberl aughi ngtomy selfasI
sawherf akeey elashf l
utterandhangi nf or
dearli
fe.Itlookedl ikeshehadar oughni ght ,or
worse;shedi dn'tsleepatt hehouse.SoIdi dthe
nextnatural t
hing.Ihadsomeguy st ai
l her.I'
m
awaiti
ngaf ul
lrepor tlaterintheweek, butI
needtoknownow.SoI 'vedecidedt ogodo
somesnoopi ngmy self.

Iarr
iveatthehouseandi t'
scold.There'sno
warm homelyf eeling.Nocupcakest hatEv e
usedtomakeev er ydaywit
hthecol orf
ulicing.
There'
snopot sont hestoveorloudTVpl ayi
ng.
Myhousebar elyr esembleswhati tusedt obe.I
headupt hestairsandhearsoundscomi ng
from mybedroom.Itakeoutmygunandr unto
myst udyandgrabasilencer.I
'
mt ry
ingto
remaincalm,becauseit'
sprobablyj
ustEvei
n
somer agethr
owingmybel ongingsaway.
Igobackt omyr oom,andnot hi
ngcould
preparemef ort
hefil
thIsee.Ibl i
nkafewti
mes
tomakesur ethatmyey esaren'tdecei
vi
ngme,
butthroughthesmallopeningbyt hedoor
,Isee
them inallt
hei
rnakedgloryonmyR75000
orthopedi
cbed.Mymar italbed.Thesamebed
thatI'
vetakenEvecountlessti
mes.

Iopent
hedoorwi derandwatchthem ast
hey
j
umpof feachotherandconceal
themselv
es
wit
hthecov er
s.
Me-"
Don'
tst
oponmyaccount
."
Iscr
ewt
hesi
l
enceront
omygunandwal
kin.
Ev
e-"
Siy
apl
ease.
."Shepl
eadsf
rant
ical
l
y.
Me-"
Pleasewhat
?"Iaski
nacal
mtone.
Iwalkacrosstheroom toacouchopposi
tethe
bedandsi tdown.Ipourmy sel
fadr
inkf
rom the
whiskeyont het
ableclosebyandgulpi
tdown.

Me-"
Cont
inue.
"
Theyl
ookatmeconf
usedandshocked.
Me-"Cont
inueandpr
etendI
'm notev
enher
e."I
sl
ouchbackint
othecouch.
Igiv
et hem asmil
eandtheyjustst
andt here
shaking.Ishoott
heheadboardandthatstart
les
them.
Me-"Isai
dconti
nue!Ev
eIbel
ieveyouwer
e
busygivi
nghi
m headsocont
inue.
"
Iwav etheguninherdi
recti
on.Sheslowly
makesherwayt ohim andkneelsbefor
ehim.I
shootatthebedsidel
amp, andshetakeshimin
herhand.Sheputshiminhermout handhe's
frozen.Hi
sjawisonthef l
oorandhiseyeshave
fall
enoutofthei
rsockets.
Ipoi
ntt
hegunathi
m.
Hi
m-"
Mymant
her
e'snoneedf
ort
his.
"
Me-" Youfuckmywi f
einnyhouseandnow
you'r
et el
li
ngmewhatt odo?Ithinky ouwer e
tuggingonherhai randmakingadi fferentf
acial
expression.Nowchangey ourfacialexpressi
on
orshoul dI?"Icockmygunandpoi ntittowards
hisface.
Hepr
etendst
oenj
oyi
tandIl
augh.
Me-"
Pussy
"
Ipouranot
herdr
ink.
Me-"
Sowhatdoy
ouusual
l
ydoaf
tert
his?
"
Theylookatmeconf used.Eveiscr
ying
uncontr
ollabl
y,butI
'
m nottouched,
noteveni
n
thesl
ightest.
Me-"
Iaskedaquestion!Whatdoy
oudoaft
er
gi
vi
ngeachotherhead?AndbythewayEv
e,I'
m
di
sappoint
edinyou,
youusual
l
yputsomuch
ef
forti
ntothat
."
Ishakemyhead.

Ev
e-"
Siy
a,I
'
m sor
..
"
Me-" Sor
ry?Sorryforfuckingmybestf r
iendin
ourbedroom?Sor ryforbei ngcaught?Sor r
yfor
beingacheapwhor ethatopensherl egs?Spar e
me.I'mreadyf ort
hemai nact,comenowBr i
an.
Doy ouusuall
yenterherf rom behindordoes
sherideyoulikeabicycle?Youguy sreall
y
aren'
timpressingme."Ilookatt hem intentl
y.
Hi
m-"
Siy
adude,
it'
snotev
enwhati
tlooks.
"
Me-"Itdoesn'
tlookli
kemybr otherf
ucksmy
wif
ewhenI '
m away?Ohy ouguy smusthave
beengivi
ngeachot hergeni
tal
iaexaminati
ons
ri
ght?
Ist
andupandshootBr
iani
nthel
eg.Hecr
ies
outi
npai
n.
Me-"Wait!Ihaveanidea!Let'
splayagame.
Sincey
out wohav ebeenplayingtheLet
'sfuck
eachotherinSiya'
sbedandseei fhe'
llf
indout
game,let
'splaysomeRussi anRoulet
te.
"
It
aket
hebul
l
etsoutofmygun.
Me-" So,
I'
m gonnaputonebulletinhere,
I'
ll
keepshootingateachofyouunt i
ltheunl
ucky
persongetsabil
letthr
oughthem.Sowhodo
youthinkIshoul
dstartwit
h?"
Ev
e-"
Siy
a,no!Don'
t!
"
Me-"
Wel
li
fyoui
nsi
stmydear
estwi
fe!
"
Iai
mforherar
m andshoot
.Shescr
eamsout
.
Me-"
Shutup!Youdidn'
tgetshot
!Nowl
et'
str
y
mybrot
heroverher
e."
Iai
m athi
sot
herl
egandshoot
,butnot
hing.
Me-"
Eve,
wher
eshoul
dIai
mthi
sti
me?
"
Ishootatherst
omach,
butnot
hing.
Me-"Bri
an,areyouprayingov
erther
e?WellI
hopeyourprayersgetanswered,
becausei
t'
s
yourt
urnagainbuddy !
"
Iai
m athisupperthi
ghthenshoot.Thegun
goesoffandbloodspewsoutofhi st
high.They
bothscr
eam atthetopofthei
rlungs.

Me-"
Wel
lIguessy
ou'
l
ljusthav
etor
idehi
m
now.
"
Shesobsunt
ilshegetshi
ccupsandlooksat
mewithpl
eadingeyesassheslowl
ymakesher
wayontopofBrian.
Me-"
Idon'
thav
eal
ldayEv
e!"
Shej
umpsont opofhim andhey
elpsi
npai
n.
Shegr
indshi
m slowl
y.
Ist
andupandshoott
hebed,
andt
heybot
h
j
umpup.
Me-"You.
"Ipoi
ntt
hegunt
owar
dsBr
ian."
You'
re
deadtome."
IpointthegunatEv e-"Youdisgustme. "Ispi
t
ont hefl
oor.Iwantadi vor
ce,I'
ll
hav ethe
paperwor kdroppedoffbytonightandIwanti t
signedbyt omorrowmor ni
ng.Don' tt
rymeEv e.
Letmenotdi sturbyourlovemaki ngsession
then,enjoyBri.
"

ThisiswhymyPIr eporthasbeentaki
ngages,
theyknewwhatwasgoi ngonandt heydi
dn'
t
wanttobeanothertargetfort
ell
i
ngme.
[
04/
17,
20:
36]Wdz:
[39]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Chri
stmasisnextweek, andI'v
ebeent ry
ingto
avoi
dmymot hert hebestwayIcan.It hi
nk
she'
sbeendoingt hesame, becausewe'vegone
dayswit
houtseeingeachot her.Shewakesup
earl
yandleav
esbef oreIwakeup, andsheonly
comesbackonceI '
m asl
eep.Ifeell
ikeI'
m
makingheruncomf ort
ablei nherownhome,
andthat'snotf ai
r.I'
vecont emplatedrenti
nga
smallapart ment,becauseIdon' twanttocrowd
her
.IdoubtI '
dbeabl etohandl ethelooksof
di
sappoi ntmentfrom herf oranent i
re9mont hs.
Howev er,thewaymyf i
nancesar esetupr i
ght
now,I'
llprobablyonl yaff
ordasmal lcot
tageor
abackr oom, andt hat'
snott helif
eIwantf or
myselfrightnow.

WhenIwasi nhighschool
, Iwasreckl
ess,
it'
s
t
hroughthegraceofGodt hatIpassedsowell
i
nmat ri
c.Iwassuchahippi e,
hencemy
f
ascinat
ionwit
hholist
icli
vingnow.
Iwouldn'
tcomehome, I'
dgocl ubbing,come
homewast ed,Iwasafreespir
it.Iwasnev er
i
nterest
edinsexandhav i
ngboy fri
ends,itwas
j
ustmyspi r
itthaty
ear
nedf orhappinessaf t
er
thedramawi t
hmyf at
her.
Iputmymot hert hroughmanysl eepl essni ghts,
she' dcr yherselftosl eepsomet i
mesaski ng
Godwhatshedi dwr ongf ormet ohat eherso
much.I tgotwor sewhenIputheri ndebtof
ov erR100000becauseofmyi ndecisiv eness
dur i
ngmyv arsit
yy ears.I'
vejustal way sbeena
truebel ieverinlivinganaut hent i
clife,
unf ortunatelysomet imesi twasatt heexpense
ofmymot her'
shappi ness.Thi swaswhenmy
sisterandIdr if
tedapar t.Shechoseadegr ee
andst uckt oit,
shecompl etedherl asty earof
studyi nCanada.She' sbeenmov i
ngf rom
count r
yt ocount ry,teachingEngl i
sh.Shewas
recent lypresentedwi thanoppor t
uni t
yt oteach
atsomeI vyLeagueUni versit
yabr oad.She
bar elycomeshomeof ten,Ithinkit'
sbecauseI
repul seher .Eversi ncemyf ather,any onewho
brokehert rust,she' dcutof fimmedi at ely.She'
s
notasecondchanceki ndofwoman, soIbr oke
hert rustandt her eforeshecutmeof f.She' s
onl yfoury earsol derthanme, butourbondhas
fadedov erthey earsandshebehav eslikea
distantauntt owar dsme.Shesendsmoneyt o
mom ev eryfewmont hswi t
hst r i
ctinst ructions
nott opayf oranyl oans, butt ousei tonspa
treatment sandaweekendaway ;alone.My
mom woul dnev ertell met his,soIf oundt his
outonedaywhenIwaseav esdr oppi ngont heir
sky peconv ersat i
on.Icanonl yimagi net hev il
e
thingsshe' l
lsayt omewhenshef i
ndsoutI 'm
pregnant ,andnotev endat i
ngt hef atherofmy
kids.She' l
lprobabl yt akemom backov er seas
wi t
hher .She'sbeent ell
ingmom t or esignand
got ol i
v ewi thherf orov eray earnow, stating
thatsheneedst ost op" baby ing"me.Just
thinkingaboutt hi
swhol esi tuation, givesme
hear tpal pit
ations.Thi sfesti
v eseasonwi llbe
thewor sty et,andI 'l
lbegoi ngt hr ought hewr at
h
ofmyf ami l
yal one, wi t
hnoonet ohol dmyhand
ort ov entt o.IjusthopeIcankeepmybl ood
pressur eundercont rol.
Stayi
ngi nmyr el
ati
onshipwithThabiwas
pri
mar il
ybasedont hefactthatIt
houghtwhat
hehadt ooffermewasal l
thatIdeser
ved.I
i
nfli
ctedpainonmyf amil
ysoev enaft
erpray
ing
forf
or gi
veness,Iwasgivensomeonewhodi d
thesame.

Sooneday ,Istopped.Iworkedhardeveryday
atgaininghert r
ustanditcamebackev entual
ly.
Nowwe' veforgedanincredibl
ebond,Ican'tsay
thesamef ormysi st
erthough.HenceI'
m
dreadingherbei nghereoverChrist
mas,
especiall
ysincemyl it
tl
ebumpi sali
tt
lev i
sibl
e
now.

Mymot herisa46y earoldbeautif

ul,strong
bl
ackwomant hatdoesn'tl
ookadayol derthan
30inmybi asedopini
on.She'sbeent hrought he
worst
,thr
oughhermar r
iage,herdivorceleavi
ng
herwi
thoutacentt ohername, beingshunned
byfriends,f
amil
yandchur chmember sbecause
ofthedi vor
ce,
butthat 'sneverdamagedher
fai
thorherspiri
t.She'sanabsol utevi
sion,
thankgoodnessmysi st erandItookaf t
erherin
thelooksdepartment .She'ssopur e,eventhe
depthsofherheartar en'ttai
nted.Nowt hat
she'sont hemarket,she' sgl
owing.JustwhenI
thoughtshecouldn'tgetanymor ebeauti
ful
,I
seeithappenmor eev eryday.

Ineedtohavethi
scont
ractdissol
vedbyt
he
newy ear
,soI
'm goi
ngt
ot akeSiyauponhis
offer
.Heemail
edmeear l
ierandthi
siswhatit
read.
"Zinhl
e, y
oument i
onedawhi l
eagot hatthere
aresomet hingsweneedt odiscuss,andI
couldn'
tagr eemor e.Iwouldli
ketotakey outo
dinner,consideri
tadat e,
sinceInevergotan
opportunitytotakey ouonone,pleaseaccept
myr equestf oral
ltimessake.
Regar
ds
YourSi
ya"

MySiya?Nope,moreli
keEve'
sSiya.Wel
lI
email
edhim backt
ell
i
nghimI'
dber eadyby
18:
30pm andIguessit'
sadate.
Myner vesar
ekickinginandt
hef
actthatIcan'
t
fi
tintheoutf
itIhadplannedt
oweari
s
st
ressingmeout .
Ifi
nal
lydeci
deonawhi t
ebelowt hekneefigure
huggi
ngdresswi t
hlongsleevesandahi gh
neckabdcutoutsont heshoulders.I
t'
ssot i
ght,
Icanbarel
ybreathe,
butitlooksgoodandi t
zi
ppedupsoI '
llworr
yaboutt herestl
ater.

Ihaven'tputmakeuponmyf acei
nagesandso
I'
m goingallouttoni
ght
!Ifi
nishi
toffwit
hared
l
ip.Iputonmyt angl
adiat
orheel
sandgr abmy
tanbelowt hekneecoatandmywhi tet
otebag.
Il
ookatmyr efl
ect
ionint
hemirror
,andIlook
good.Ijustneedtoremembertocarr
ymybag
i
nfrontofmybel l
ythewholeni
ghtandI'
ll
be
good.

It'
s18:45andSi yahasbeenpar kedoutsi
de
since18:00.I'
mj ustsi
tt
ingonmybedandI 'm
sonerv ous,I
'm shaki
ng.Irubsomemy r
rhon
thebackofmyneckt ocal
m downmyanxi et
y.I
takeonel astbreathi
nandIf i
nall
yleav
e.

Assoonasheseesmeappr oaching,hegets
outandcomest owardsthepassengersi deto
openthedoor .Helooksjustasner vousasIam,
i
fnotmor e.Hel ooksyummyi ndar ksli
mf i
t
j
eans,nav yandwhi t
echeckeredshi r
tanda
navyblazer.Iwalkpasthi
m andt akeawhi ffof
hi
scologne.
Me-"
Youchangedy
ourcol
ogne.
"
Hechuckl
es.
Hi
m-"
Ihadt
o."
Hefl
asheshisperfectsmileandnarrowshi
s
dr
eamyeyes.Myhear tski
psabeatandsoI
j
umpintothecar.Ashecomesar oundtohi
s
si
de,
Isayasilentprayertobehave.
[
04/
17,
20:
41]Wdz:
[40]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
We'reonourwayt ot
herestaurant,
andwe'v
e
fall
enint
oacalmingsil
enceinthecar.Hetr
ied
placi
nghishandonmyt highearl
ieron,
butI
quickl
yremovedi
t.
Him-"
Youcanputyourbaginthebacki
nst
ead
ofcar
ryi
ngi
tonyourlapl
ikethat
."
Ihol
dont
omybagt
ight
er.
Me-"
No,
I'
mfi
net
hanks.
"
Wef i
nall
yarriveatasecl udedFrench
restaurant
.Heopensmydoorandhel psmeout
ofthecar ,hetriestoholdmyhandaswewal k
totheent r
ance, butmypal msar esweat y,andI
don'twanthi m knowi nghowner vousIam.We
entertherestaur antandwhatIseebef oremeis
amagi calsight.It'
sdimlylitwit
hwhi terose
petalsscatteredal l
ov er
.There'
sapi anistand
someonesi ngingAgentPr ovocateur"Iwantto
knowwhatl ovei s.
"
I
'
mt r
yingt
okeepmyemot
ionsi
ncheckashe
l
eadsmetoourtabl
e.

Me-"
Wher
eisev
ery
one?
"
Him-"Wel
ltechnical
l
yt hi
sisourf
irstdatesoI
hadtomakei tspeci
al.Ibookedt
her est
aurant
forus.
"
Ismi l
eandbiteinmyt r
embli
ngbott
om li
p,and
bli
nkawaymyt ears.Si
yaopensmychair
,and
i
t'
st henthatInoti
cethemenuwithournames
oni
t."
Siy
a&Zi
nhl
e"
Eventhebot
tl
eofwat
erhasournamesoni
t.I
squi
ntmyeyesandhesof
tl
ychuckl
es.
Hi
m-"
Itol
dyouIwant
edi
ttobespeci
al.
"
Hewinksatme, andreachesacr ossthetable
andbrushesmyhandwi t
hhi sthumb.Isnatch
myhandawayandhecl earshi sthr
oat.Hecall
s
await
ertot akeourdrinksor der,
andIdecideto
makehim sweatj ustalittl
eandor deraglass
ofwi
nef ormy self
.Hegi vesmeaconcer ned
l
ookandIl ooktheotherway .

Hekeepsshifti
nginhisseatandhe'
svi
sibl
y
uncomfor
table,buthe'
snotsayi
nganyt
hing.He
swit
cheshisdrinkorderf
rom aCol
aTonictoa
doubl
escotch.
Ourdr
inksar
ri
veandSi
yaaskst
hest
afft
ogi
ve
ussomespace.
Hi
m-"
Whatar
eyoudoi
ng?
"
Me-"
Whatdoy
oumeanSi
ya?
"
Hi
m-"
Didy
our
eal
l
ygot
hroughwi
thi
t?"
Me-"
Whatdoy
out
hink?
"
Hi
m-"Zi
nhl
e,st
opwi
tht
hegamespl
ease.Just
t
ell
me."
Hi
sey
esst
artt
ogl
i
sten.
Hi
m-"
Pleaset
ell
mey
oudi
dn'
t.Pl
ease.
"
Me-"
Wel
lyou'
renol
ongergoi
ngt
obeaf
ather
..
"
Hegulpsdownhisdr i
nkandstands.Il
ookup
athim andseeateartr
ickl
edownhisface.I
reachforhi
shand.
Me-"
Siy
asi
tdown.
"
Hebr
eat
hesoutl
oudl
ythent
akeshi
sseat
.
Me-"AsIwassay
ing.You'
renotgoi
ngt
obea
f
ather.
."
Hi
m-"
Ihear
dthatal
readyZi
nhl
e!
Me-"
Woul
dyoul
etmef
ini
shpl
ease?Iwas
sayi
ngforthet
hir
dti
menow, y
ou'
renotgoi
ng
tobeafathert
oonebaby
,you'
regoi
ngtobea
fat
hert
o2. "
Hi
m-"
What
?Wai
t,whatdoy
oumean?
"
Me-"
I'
m hav
ingt
wins!
"
Hefl
asheshi
spear
lywhit
esatmeandthenhe
al
l
owshistear
stof
alldownhi
sface.
Him-"Zinhle.
.wow!I '
m..Ican'
tputthisfeel
ing
i
ntowor ds.You'vejustmademet hehappiest
manont heplanetMaKhumal o!AndWEar e
expect
ingt wins.You'
renotaloneinthis.
"
Iroll
myey esashecupsmyf ace,t
henhe
plantsasmooch.JustasIst arttofeel
tingl
es
allover,
hestops.Myey esareclosedandmy
l
ipsar esti
l
lpouted,heshakesmyshoul derthen
Isnapbackt oreali
ty.Mxm.

Oureveningi
sfi
l
ledwit
hlaught
erandl
i
ght
bant
er,butnowIneedt
ogetthi
soffmychest
.
Me-"
Siya.
."IsayasIgr
abhi
shandandst
rokei
t
sl
i
ghtl
y.
Me-" Si
ya,si
nceI'm pr
egnantwi thourbabies,I
reall
ydon'
tthinkthecontractisviabl
e.Iwantto
makesur ethatmymunchki nsareprotected.I
don'twantsomeonet hinki
ngt heyhaver i
ghtsto
them.Theyonl yhaveonemot herandone
father,
andthey'r
eseatedatt histabl
eright
now. "
Him-" Idef i
nit
elyunderstand,andyouhav e
nothi
ngt owor ryabout.Everythi
ngissortedout
.
Theonl yt hi
ngIwanty outowor ryaboutis
keepingt hoseNy athipri
nce'sorprincesses
healt
hy .
"
Isqui
ntmyey
esathi
m.
Me-"
Theywi
l
lbeKhumal
o'
sobv
iousl
y.
"
Him-"Wecant
alkaboutt
hisatal
aterdat
e
okay
?"
Inodandwecont
inuewi
thourmeal
.
I
'm donewithmymealandIkeepst
eal
i
ngsome
ofSiya'
sroul
adef
rom hi
spl
ate.
Hi
m-"
Sti
l
lhungr
y?"
Hehol
dsi
nal
augh.
Me-"
Great
,ev
ery
onet
hinksI
'
mfat
!"
Itakemycoatoff
,becauseI
'
mt i
redof
conceal
i
ngthefatbodyhealr
eadythi
nksIhav
e.
Me-"
Excuseme.
"
Istandupandmakemywayt ot
her est
room.I
domybusi nessandwal
kt othesi
nkt owash
myhands.Ipowdermynoseandr eapplysome
l
ipsti
ck.Il
ookinthemir
rorandwinkatmy sel
f.
"Zinhl
e,donotleadintot
empt at
ion."Isayout
l
oudandmakemywayt othedoor .Befor
eI
reachthedoorIr eal
i
zethatIhaveapapert owel
stuckatt hebot
tom ofmyshoe.Ir eachdownto
takeitoff,t
hentheunexpectedhappens;my
dressrips.
I
'm paci
ngthebathr
oom andi
t'
sbeenov er10
minutessi
nceI'v
ebeeni
nhere.Thetar
ei sri
ght
downmyass.Ihav enochoi
cebuttocallSi
ya.
Thephonerings.

Hi
m-"
Comeback,
I'
m st
art
ingt
omi
ssy
ou!
Me-"
Siy
apl
easebr
ingmycoatt
othel
adi
es.
"
Hi
m-"
What
?Why
?"
Isobl
oudl
yandhehangsup.
Ami nut
elat
er,
hecomesrunni
ngi
n.He'
s
t
ouchingmystomachandaski
ngi
fsomethi
ng'
s
wrong.
Me-"
I'
mfi
ne.Ij
usthav
eani
ssue.
"
Hi
m-"
Whati
sit
?Tel
lmewhat
'
swr
ong.
"
It
urnaroundandheburst
soutlaughi
ng.Istar
t
cr
ying,
butmycriessoontur
nintol
aughter
.
Me-"
Siy
a,I
'
m sof
atandI
'
m onl
yinmyf
ir
st
tr
imester
!Canyoui
maginewhat
'sgoingto
happennextt
ri
mest
er?Letal
oneinthethi
rd!
"
I
'
mtr
yingt
ohol
dmyt
ear
sin,
butoneescapes.
Him-" Zi
nhl
ey oulookamaz i
ng!Ididn'
tthinkyou
couldsurpasshowbeaut if
ulyouwer ewhenI
mety ou,butri
ghtnowy ou'r
eglowing.Zinhle,
I
l
ov eyou.Youdon'thavetosayany thi
ng, butI
j
ustwanty out oknowthatIloveyoumor ewith
everypassingsecond.Yourhipsgrowingwi der
andy ourassrippi
ngthroughdressesis
testamentthatourbabiesaregrowingstronger
andhealthier
."
Heki
ssesmeonmyf
orehead.
Hi
m-"
I'
ll
wai
tfory
ouatourt
abl
e.Takeal
lthe
t
imey
ouneed.
"
Wit
hthathel
eaves,
andasher eachesthedoor
,
hetur
nandfl
asheshisi
nfamoussmi l
e.
[
04/
17,
20:
42]Wdz:
[42]
*
*SI
YA*
*
Iwokeupi nmypent housetodaywi thahuge
gri
nonmyf ace.Ihaven'
twokenupi nagood
moodi nthelongestti
me.Isleptwi t
hthe
ul
trasoundcopyonmychest ,Ikeptwaki ngup
duri
ngt hecourseofthenight
, t
hinki
ngi twasall
j
ustadr eam, butt
hatphotoofmybabi esmade
mer eal
izethatmydream ismyr ealit
y.

Mydat ewithZinhlelastnightwasbey ond

i
ncr edibl
e,andit'
sagoodt hingIdidn'thav e
desser t,
becauseIgotagoodt asteofi tlast
night.JustwhenIt hinkIknowher ,shepul lsthe
rugf rom beneathmeandsur pr
isesme; she's
alway skeepingmeonmyt oes.She'sgi vi
ngme
somanymi xedsignals,Idon'tevenknowi fshe
stil
lwant smei nherlifeasherpar tner.Iguess
that'swhatIgetf orconfusinghersomany
ti
mes.
I
'ml i
kealovesickpuppyr i
ghtnow.I'
m a37
yearoldmant hat
'sgetti
ngexcit
edjustby
thi
nkingabouthisbabymama.Oh!Ihav ea
babymamanow, butIwouldn'
thav
ei tanyother
way.Thereareonl y2peoplewhoarest andi
ng
betweenmeandmyf utur
e;EveandBr i
an.
Ev erefusestosignthedivorcepaper s,Idon't
knowwhybecauseshe' sjustpr olongingthe
i
nev it
able.Idon'
tevenhat eher,I'
mi ndiff
erent
towar dsher.Thebetray
al,thedecei t
,the
patronizingi
stoomucht orecov erfr
om, and
franklyIwanttobedonewi ththiswhol emess.

Evehast hener
vetocompl ai
naboutthe
sett
lementamount ,whenI '
vebeenmor ethan
gener ousinmyoffer.I
'
vedeci dedthatshecan
keept hehouse,hercarsandI '
veofferedhera
R2mi l
li
onlumpsum set tlement,
andy etshe
hasthegal ltowantmor e.Shefeelsthatshe'
s
enti
tledtoalimonyappar entl
yaswel l
asmy
propertyinSandhur st.I'
vetriedwiththis
woman, Ireall
yhave.I'veov erl
ookedher
whor i
shbehav i
orandf ocusedont hebigger
pict
ureathand, butEv eistestingme.Idon't
wantt ostoopt othelev elI
'm capableof,but
she'sreall
yf or
cingmyhand.Myper suasion
met hodsar en'
talwayst hesaf est,
butifshe's
will
i
ngt oriskitall
,thenl et
'sdance.

Briani sadi fferentst or y,hev anishedof fthe

faceoft heear thaf tert hei ncidentatmyhouse,
bysodoi nghe'sal sobecomeapai nintheass,
becauseIknowt hatwher everhei she's
planningsomet hingbi g, andI'mt hetarget.
Anot herr easonwhyIbr oughtupt hetopicof
Zinhleget t
inganot herpl acet ost ayisbecauseI
needt oensur et hatshe' ssaf e.Brianhas
not hi
ngt ol ose, andEv ei sawomanona
mi ssiont obr eakme, soIneedZi nhletost ay
somewher eshe' llbepr otected, andhermom' s
housei sn'tit
.Besi des, Idon' twantt ot ur
nMr s
Khumal
o'
shomei
ntoawarzone.

Chr i
stmasi sli
teral
l
yjustafewday saway ,
and
forthef i
rstti
mei nages,I
'l
lbeenj oyi
ngitasa
singleman.I '
vedecidedthatI'l
lspend
Chr i
stmaswi thmymom l i
ketheol dti
mes, I
knowshe' l
lbeinter
estedtoknowaboutt he
crazyturnofev entsinmyl i
fe.I'
m expecti
ngan
"Itoldyouso"f rom herr
egardingtheEv e
situati
on.

I
'vebeent al
kingtoZinhleonthephoneabout
Christ
masandgi fts.It
oldhertheonlygi
ftI
wantist ohearourbabiesheartbeatf
ormyself
.
Sheseemedt obrushitoff
,soIguessshe'snot
readyforthatyet
,Ihavenochoi cebutto
understand.

I
'
m wor
kingf
rom myst
udyi
nthepent
house
whenIr
eceiv
eaphonecall
from Zi
nhl
e,ever
y
t
imeIseehernamepl
aster
edonmyscr een,I
i
nvol
unt
ari
lysmil
e.
Me-"
MissKhumal
o!"
Her
-"Heydaddy
!"
Il
aughsof
tl
y.Thi
swomant
hough.
Me-"
TowhatdoIowet
hepl
easur
e?"
Her
-"Wel
lbabydaddy
,Ihopeyoudon'tmi
nd
get
ti
ngyourChr
ist
maspresentear
ly"
Me-"
Huh?
"
Her
-"I
'vebookedascanf
orusi
naf
ewhour
s
t
ime."
Me-"
What
?Ar
eyouser
ious?Wher
e?"
Her -"Fir
stl
yofal
l,
you'r
ewelcome!I'l
lsendyou
thel ocati
on,t
hatwil
lbeeasi
er.Justdon'tbe
l
at e,it
'sat11:
00am, andIhadtobegf orthi
s
slot."
Me-"
I'
ll
bet
her
eat10:
00am,
doIbr
ing
any
thi
ng?
"
Her-"No,i
t'
s11:00am Siy
abonga!Justbri
ng
yoursel
fandgetreadytounoff
ici
all
ymeety our
ki
ds.Thisisn'
tevenaconsult
ati
on,it
'sj
usta
scan,you'
l
l bebackatworkby12:00pm."
Me-"
Thanky
ouMaKhumal
o,Ican'
twai
t.
"
Her
-"By
ebabydaddy
!"
Thenshehangsup.

Therestofthemor ni
ng,I'
m unableto
concent
rate,soIputmydocument sawayand
deci
detomakemy selfsomethingtoeati
nthe
i
nteri
m.
Imakemy selfamushr oom andpepper
omelet
teandasmoot hieontheside.Ieata
fewbit
esoft heomeletteandtakeaf ewsipsof
thesmoothie,myexcit
ementhasmebyt he
ball
sri
ghtnowIcan'tconcent r
ateonany t
hing
elseot
herthanthat11:00am appoint
ment .
Idecidetotakeashowerandgetr eady,
I'
d
ratherbeearlythanbeami nut elat
e.Aft
ermy
showerIgetdr essedi nf adedbl uejeans,a
whi t
eBurberryGol ferandt anBur berr
ysneaker
s.
Igrabmynewcol ogneandspr ayafewtimes,I
don'tknowifZinhl e'ssensiti
vitytosmellhas
fi
nallyst
abil
ized,butI '
m nott akingchances.I
grabmyphoneandkey sandl eave.

Zinhl
ehadf orwardedmet helocat
ionandI'ma
fewmi nutesawayf r
om theearl
y,i
talsoseems
l
ikeI'
m ear l
y.Whil
edriv
ing,Evecal
lsme, whi
ch
i
ssurpr i
singbecauseshe'sbl
ockedmynumber
sogettingholdofherisalmostimpossibl
e.

Me-"
What
"
Ev
e-"
That
'snowayt
otal
ktoy
ourwi
fe.
"
Me-"
EveIdon'
thav
eti
mef
ort
hisbul
l
."
Her-"Okayokay
.Si
ya,
I'
m goi
ngt
oagr
eet
othe
set
tlement.
"
Me-"
Okay,si
gnont
hedot
tedl
i
net
henf
orwar
d
i
ttomylawyer.
"
Her-"
Well
,I
'm goi
ngt
osi
gnbutundermy
condi
ti
ons.
"
Me-"
Whatt
hehel
ldoy
ouwantnow?
"
Her-"
Siy
a,Iwanty
outomeetmeatthecof
fee
shopweusedtogotowhenweweredati
ng."
Me-"
Eve,
I'
m al
mostwor
ri
ed.Ar
eyoul
osi
ngi
t?"
Eve-"That'
stheonlywayI'
m signi
ngy our
sett
lement.Wewer ebothther
ewhenwesi gned
ourmar ri
ageli
cense,i
t'
sonlyri
ghtthatweboth
bear oundforsi
gningtheset
tl
ement .I
fyou
don'twanttothenIguesswe'l
l meetincourt
."
Shi
t,Ican'
tstomachgoingtocour t
,thatwil
lbe
monthsofbackandf ort
h,andmont hsofme
st
il
lbeingmar r
iedtot
hatwitch.Ineedthisto
bedonesot hatIcanfocusonmyf utur
ewith
myhear
t.
Me-"
When?
"
Her
-"Now.
"
Shedropst
hephone.Ical
lherbackandi
tgoes
tovoi
cemai
l.
Shi
t!Il
ookattheti
meandbi t
emyf ist
.Ihope
Zi
nhleunder
standsthatthisi
sforherandthose
pri
ncesshe'
scarry
ing.Istopthecarandmake
aU-turn.

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
I'
m atthemi dwifer
ycl i
nicforthescanwai ti
ng
forSiya.Ididn'tbookanappoi ntmentwi t
hSbu,
becauseIf eart hethingsSiyawi l
l sayanddo
whenheseesmyy oungandhandsomedoct or,
soI'
m goi ngt ohavet oeasehi mi ntotheidea.
Besides,I'
m notr eadyf orSbut oseet he
plat
inum ringt hatl
ivesonSi ya'slefthand,I
j
udgemy selfenoughf orit
,Idon'twantSbuor
any onelookingatmeinadi f
ferentl
ight
.
AlthoughSi yawasn'
twearingitatdi
nnerthe
othernight,heprobabl
yjustforgoti
t
somewher ethough.

We'ref or
gingagoodbondov erthephone, andI
real
lydocar eabouthi m andhi m havinga
rel
ati
onshi pwi t
hthemunchki nssoIbooked
thi
sappoi ntmentspeciallyforhim.Whi chi s
whyI '
m alitt
leagitat
edatt hef actthathesent
meat extsayinghe'l
lbeaf ewmi nuteslate,and
Ishouldbuyussomet i
me.Howt hehel
l doi
"buyussomet i
me"atacl inicwher ewehav ea
20mi nuteslot?

I
t's11:10andhisphoneisonv oicemail.Typi
cal
Siyawithhismixedsi
gnals,onedayhe' shot
thenthenexthe'scol
d.I
'm sodisappointed,I
feelt
earstri
ckl
edownmyf ace.Itakeadeep
breat
hi nandwalktowar
dst heultrasoundroom,
IguessI
'
llbedoi
ngt
hisal
one.

Ihearmymunchki nsst ronghear t

beatsandt hat
i
mmedi atelycalmsmedown.Theyseem t o
l
ookdi f
ferentever
ytime.Igetmycopi esoft he
ult
rasound,payandt henl eavet hecli
nic.I'
m
annoyed,soIdeserveat r
eat .Iwantsomet hi
ng
ri
chandcr eamyandf att
ening, soIdecidet o
haulacabt oacof f
eeshopt hatIhear dhav e
thebestBelgianwaffles.Ev ewant edtot akeme
whenwewer estil
lbesties,becausesheknew
myobsessi onwithwaf fl
es.

Iwal kinthecoffeeshopandi thasagr eat

ambi ence,it
'saperfectbl
endofr usti
cand
moder n.It
akeaf ewsteps,t
henIst opinmy
trackswhenIseeEv eandSiyaatacor nertabl
e.
Iwal ktowardsthem justt
omakesur eit'
sthem,
thenEv espotsme.Oncueshej umpsacr oss
thet ableandplantsasmoochonSi ya'
sl i
ps.I
knowIhavenori
ghttofeel
any
thi
ng,butIdo.I
t
hurt
sandIcan'
twatchanymoreofi
t,soIrun
out.
[
04/
17,
20:
42]Wdz:
[43]

*
*SI
YA*
*
Me-Whatt
hehel
lar
eyoudoi
ng?Thi
sist
heshi
t
youcal
l
edmeheref
or?
"
Eve-"
Comeonbaby
, Igeti
t,y
ou'
reangr
y,butwe
cansti
ll
makei
twork."
Sheconti
nuestotouchmeandbr ushmyhand,
yetherf
ocusisontheent
rance.ThenIseeher
,
myheart.
Me-"
Shi
t.
"Ist
andup.
Ev
e-"
Iwasj
ustaboutt
osi
gnt
houghbaby
."
Me-"Scr
ewit
,it
spointl
essnegot
iat
ingwi
tht
he
dev
il
.I'
ll
seeyouincourt
."
Ij
ogt
owar
dst
hedoorandZi
nhl
eispaci
ngup
anddownthecobblestoneparki
nglot
.She
l
ookstoosexyformyl i
ki
nginanoversi
zed
whit
eshir
tlooselyt
uckedint
oherri
ppeddeni
m
shor
tsandwhi t
esneakers.

Isnakemyarmsaroundherwaist,andshe
j
umpsawayi nshock.Sherol
lshereyeswhen
sheseesi
t'
smeandwal ksaway.
Me-"
Zinhl
e!"
Her
-"YesMrNy
athi
?"
Me-"
Wow, we'
rebackt
her
eagai
n?Okay
,Ineed
t
oexplai
n."
Her-"Si
ya,there'
snot
hingt
oexplai
n.Evei
sy our
wif
e, I
'mjustthewomancarry
ingyourki
ds.One
mistakeleadushere,t
hat'
snoreasontofor
ce
r
elati
onsbet weenus.
"
Me-"
Okay,no.Hol
ditr
ightt
her
e!CanIgeta
wor
din?"
Her
-"Si
ya,
no!I
t'
sal
lgood,
I'
mfi
ne.I
'
m ki
ndof
seei
ngsomeonet
oo.
"
Shel
ooksthroughherbagandt
akesouta
smal
lenvel
ope.
Her
-"Mer
ryChr
ist
masMrNy
athi
."
Il
ookt hr
oughtheenvel
opeandi t'
sthe
ult
rasoundfrom t
hismor
ning.Itryr
unafterher,
butshejumpsi nt
oacabandi tspeedsoff.It
ry
call
ingher,
butsherej
ect
sallofmycal l
s.
I
'vemessedup,y
etagai
n.She'l
lnever
underst
andt
hatIwastr
yingtofi
nalizemy
di
vorceandt
hatIwasn'
tfrat
erni
zing.
St
il
lnosi
gneddivor
cepaper
s,andI
'
minan
ev
enworseplacewit
hZinhl
e.
Fortunat
elyIknowt hatshe'
sbluf
fi
ngabout
"seeingsomeone"becauseIgethour l
yupdat es
onherandf r
om whatIknow, t
heonlyper sonto
l
ookoutf oristhatsaintofadoct
or,andI'llbe
keepingav erycl
oseey eonthatl
it
tl
efriendship.
*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Siy
ai ssopr edi
ctable.Justaf ewday sago,he
waswi ni
nganddi ningme, andnowhe' splayi
ng
happyfami lywithEv e.Iwouldn'
texpect
anythi
nglessf rom him.From nowon, I
'l
lj
ustbe
seei
nghi m ast hefatherofmyki ds,nothi
ng
more.Ithinkit'
st i
met oacceptthatthiswasn't
myy earrelati
onshipwi seandmov eon.

Chri
stmasi sinjustt
woday s,andmysister
l
andst oday,andI'
vehadtopl anmyoutfi
tsfor
ever
yday ,becauseIonlyplanontel
li
ngthem
af
tertheChr i
stmascelebrati
ons,maybeeven
af
terNewYear sEve,whoknows?

Mymom hasgonet
otheai
rpor
ttowai
tformy
si
ster
'sar
ri
val
.
I
'v
ebeenslavingawayint
hekitchen,prepari
ng
aspeci
alsupperformysi
ster
'sarri
val.I
've
madeaspi nachandf et
aqui cheforan
appetizer,stuff
edchickenbr eastwi t
hroast ed
vegetablesandahoneymust ardsaucef ort he
mai nmeal ,thenlemoncheesecakef ordesser t
,
i
t'sherf avorit
etypeofdesser t.Myheadi s
spinni
ng, I'
vebeenst andingforagesandIt hink
thener vesofseei ngmysi st
erf orthefi
rstt i
me
i
nagesar eal sokicki
ngin.Lucki l
ymyapr on
doesagoodj obatconceal i
ngmyexpandi ng
tummy .

I'
veoptedforrippedjeansandar uffl
edblush
shir
t.Myjeansdon'tzipallt
heway ,and
obviousl
ydon'tbuttonatthetopeither.
Fort
unatelyt
hough, myshirtconcealsthat.

Nowt hatI
'
m donewi tht
hecookingand
cleani
ngup,Ireall
yneedapowernap, soIhead
tomyr oom anddiffusesomelavendertohel
p
withmyanxiety,andIlayinbed.I
'm wokenup
byaknockonmybedr oom door
,andI
i
mmedi at
elyt
ense,t
hatmustbemom or
Zi
yanda,mysist
er.

Me-"
Comei
n!"
Ibr
eatheout
,andl
ookatt
hedoori
n
ant
ici
pati
on.
I
t'
snotmymot
hernori
sitZi
yanda.
Hi
m-"
HiZi
nhl
e."
Me-"
Bri
an,
whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?"
Him-"
Sweetface,
isthathowyougreet
someoneyouhaven'
tseeninages?
"
Hewal
kst
owar
dsmybed.
Myhear ti
sleapi
ngoutofmychest ,andmy
phoneisacrossfr
om t hebedonmyv anit
y,so
there'
snocall
ingforhelp.It
ryt
oregulatemy
breathi
ngformybabiessake.
Me-"
HiBr
ian,
longt
imenosee!
"
Hi
m-"
Nowt
hat
'
smor
eli
kei
t!
"
Hecomest owardmybedunt i
lhereachesi
t
thenheplonkshimsel
fonit
.Hestrokesmyleg
soft
lyandImov ebackunt
ilmybacktouches
theheadboard.
Hi
m-"
Howar
eyouZi
nhl
e?How'
sthebaby
?"
Igiv
ehim aconfusedstare,
Siy
atheidi
otmust
havetol
dhim.Idon'tknowwhybecauseI
rememberspecifi
cal
lytel
l
inghimtokeept
his
tohimsel
f,buther
ewear e.
Me-"
Justf
inet
hanky
ou.
"Igi
vehi
m ahal
fsmi
l
e.
Him-"Great,
well
youlookhealt
hy.
"Hesaysas
hereachesformytummy .Ij
umpupoffthebed
andhey anksmyarm.
Hi
m-"
Sitdown!
"
Isi
tdownslowlyandgentl
yont hebed.A
mil
li
onthoughtsscrambl
ethroughmymi nd,
howdidheev engetint
hehouse?Whatishe
doi
nghere?He'snotcapabl
eofr apei
she?
Hehandsmeani
Padandi
tseemst
obea
vi
deo.
Hi
m-"
Presspl
ay.
"
SoIdo.Iscream outloudanddr opt
heiPad.I
t'
s
avideoofSiyaandmei ntheSouthCoast,
makinglove.Youcanseemyf aceaswellas
Siy
a'sfaceclear
ly.Ev
eryinchofourbodies
shows,andthere'
sev enacloseuponhisring
fi
nger.
Myhandsar
etr
embl
i
ng.
Me-"
Whhhy
?"Iaski
nabr
eaki
ngv
oice.
Him-"Ihat
edt hefactthati
twasy ou,butyou
diddosomet hingyoushouldn'thave, y
ou
fuckedamar ri
edman, henceresul t
inginthat
l
ittl
ebuninthatoven."Hesay spointingatmy
stomach.
Me-"
Whatdoy
ouwant
?!"
Ishout
.
Hi
m-"
Ooh,
fei
sty
!Il
i
ke!Thi
sisj
ustawar
ning.I
f
youwer en'
tpregnantandifIdi
dn'
thav easoft
spotforyou,Iwouldhaveabductedy ouand
sentSiyayourremainspiecebypiece."
Iswall
owal umpinmyt hr
oat,that
'srat
her
dist
urbi
ng.Br i
annolongerresemblesthekind
thoughtf
ulmant hatIhadgrownt oli
ke.He's
j
ustashel lofamannow, withoutemotion.His
eyesdon'tsparkl
ewhenhet alkstome, andhis
addict
ivesmi l
eisnowheretobeseen.
Me-"Brian,comeon.I'
vegotnot hingt
odowi th
whateverisgoingonbetweeny ouguy s.You
guyshav eknowneachot herfordecades,Ionl
y
camei ntothepict
ureafewmont hsago,andI
promiseIhav enorel
ati
onshipwi t
hhim. "
Hi
m-"Shutup!Shutup!Iwantyoutoruntoyour
l
it
tl
eboyfr
iendandtel
lhim Igav
ey ouawarni
ng.
Heknowswhattodo.Mer ryChri
stmas.
"
Heki
ssesmycheekandl
eav
es.
Mytearsar
efr
eefal
li
ngdownmyf aceandI
needtodomybreat
hingex
erci
sestocal
m
down.Igetupandslowlymakemywayt omy
phone.Myhandsaretrembli
ngasItr
ytodial
Si
ya'snumber.Mydoorswingsopenandit
s
mom.Shest art
ledmeandmyphonef al
lst
ot he
fl
oor.

Mom-"Zinhl
e!We'
reback.Yoursi
steri
sint
he
l
ounge,
come!
Me-"
Okay
,pl
easegi
vemeasecond.
"
Mom-"
NoZi
nhl
e!Now!
"
Theaut hor
it
yinhervoicestar
tl
esme,soI
strai
ghtenmyshirtandfol
lowbehi
ndher .We
reachthelounge,
andt her
esheis,
recl
inedon
thecouch.
Me-"
HeyZi
yanda!
"
Shedoesn'
tfl
i
nch,
herbacki
sst
il
lfaci
ngme.
Zi
yanda-"
Hi"
Isi
ghandwal
ktowar
dsher
.Thi
sisgoi
ngt
obe
t
hel
ongestf
ewweeksi
nmyl
i
fe!
[04/17,20:
43]Wdz: Thisinser
tisforever
yone
that'
sstudyingorcompl eti
nganassignment.
Puty ourbooksasidefor5mi nutes,
and
enjoy!

[
44]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
We'reseatedaroundthet abl
e,andmom and
Ziy
andaar ecatchingupandl aughingatt
hei
r
i
nsidejokes.We'reont hesecondcoursenow,
andI'mtryi
ngnott ocleanmypl atetooqui
ckl
y,
butI'
mf amished.
Ziy
andastopstal
ki
ngaboutherwor
ldl
y
advent
uresandcl
earshert
hroat
.
Ziyanda-"
Mom, you'
veoutdoneyoursel
fwith
thefoodthisev
ening.Ir
eall
ywasn'texpect
ing
thi
s,butthankyou.
"
Mom-" Actuall
yy oushoul
dthankyoursi
ster
here,
shepr eparedthefood.Sheevenmade
yourfavor
itelemoncheesecake."
Zi
yanda-"
Oh.
"
Thenwef
all
int
oanawkwar
dsi
l
ence.

Iclearthet ableandheadt othekitchenand

drinksomewat er
.Iknewnott oexpectZi yanda
tobewar m andwel comi ng,butIdidn'texpect
hertober udesoear lyinherst ay
.Howev er,I
'
ll
kissherassf ormom' ssake, seei
ngusar gue
breaksherhear t,
soI '
l
ltrykeepmyt hought sto
my sel
ff orthedur at
ionofZi yanda'
sst ay.

Iwalkoutoftheki
tchencar
ryi
ngthe
cheesecakeandwalkinonZiy
anda
complaini
ngtomom.
Ziy
anda-"Mom,It
houghty
ouweregonnamake
yourdel
i
ciousoxt
ail
wit
hsamp,
orubhontshi
si
nojeqe(
beansandsteamedbread)Ihave
enoughoft
hisfancyf
oodphesheya(over
seas)
andIwascravi
ngsomethi
ngelse.
Mom-"HhayiYanda,y
oursist
erputalotof
ef
for
tint
otonight'
smeal
,theleasty
oucoulddo
i
sbeappreci
ative.
"
Iwal
kintothel
oungeandcl earmythr
oat.I
pl
acethecheesecakeonthemi ddl
eofthetabl
e
andhandthem thei
rsi
deplates.
Ziy
anda-"I
'
mt i
red,
I'
m goi
ngtobed.Goodni
ght
ma."Witht
hatshegetsupof
fherseatand
headstoherr
oom.
Mom r
eleasesal
oudsi
gh
Mom-"
Wel
l
,atl
eastt
her
e'smor
eforus!
"
Shewi
nksatme.

Isitdownwi t
hmom andwehav esli
ceaft
er
sl
iceoft hecheesecakeov
eri
nterest
ing
conversati
on.Iwanttogotomyr oom t
otryand
callSiy
a,butI'
m enj
oyingmyl i
tt
lebondi
ng
sessionwithmom, especial
l
ysinceIknowit'
s
probablygoingtobethelastoneinawhile.
Wecar rytheremainderoft hecheesecaket o
theloungeandcuddl eont hecoucht ogether.
Wewat ch" Whit
eChi cks"toget herandlaugh
unti
lwe'reinsti
tches.Iendupf all
i
ngasleepon
thecouchandI '
m wokenupbymom gent ly
shakingmyshoul der.Ilookdownandr eal
ize
thatmyshi r
tishikedup, rev eali
ngmyswol len
tummyandmyj eanst hatdon' tzi
p.
Ij
umpupof
fthecouchandf
ixnyshi
rt
.
Me-"
Ithi
nkIat
etoomuch,
I'
mli
ter
all
ybur
sti
ng.
"
Il
augh,andmymom j
ustgi
vesmeabl
ank
st
are.
Her
-"Goodni
ght
"
Sheleavest
her oom andIhearherbedr
oom
doorbangclosed.
Icleanupthedini
ngroom andkit
chent hen
fi
nallymakemywayt omyr oom,atthispoint
I'
m sosleepyIcanbarel
ysee,admyf eetcan
barelycar
ryme.
Irunformyphoneandf ind64mi ssedcall
s
from apr iv
at enumber,i
t'
sprobablySiya
becauseIbl ockedhisnumberafterthecoffee
shopi ncident.Ialsohave3missedcal l
sfrom
Sbuandaf ewt extsf
rom hi
m checkinginon
me.Ienj oymyf ri
endshi
pwithSbu, butIdon't
wantt oleadhi m onsoIdecidetoignorehim
again.Ilayonmybackonmybedandcal lSiya.
Itri
ngsonceandheanswer s.

Siya-"
Whatthehel
lZinhl
e!I
sitt
oomucht
oask
fortoanswermycall
s?"
Me-"Well
incasey
oudi
dn'
treal
i
zeIbl
ocked
yournumber!
"
Hi
m-" Soi
tdoesn'
tcli
ckinyourheadt
hatt
he
pr
ivat
enumberisprobablyme?"
Me-" Well
that
'sthepoi
ntSi
yabonga!Ibl
ocked
yournumberbecauseIdon'
twanttot al
ktoyou.
Answeringyourcall
swoul
dmaket hatafuti
l
e
exerci
se."
Hi
m-"Wow.Doyouunderst
andthatI'
vebeen
wor
ri
edabouty
ouforover4hours?
"
Me-"WhateverSiya,Icall
edsocanIj ustsay
whatIwantedt o?Anyway s,It
hinkyouneedto
havealengt
hlyconv ersat
ionwithyourbuddy
Bri
an.Hepaidmeanunwel comev i
siti
nmy
mom'shouse, and..
"
Him-"St
oprightther
e.Zinhl
e,youmaynotl i
ke
me,butther
eneedst obeal evel
ofr especthere.
Sayi
ngwhatevertomewi l
lnotfl
y,andy ourl
itt
le
att
it
udeisunattr
acti
ve.Youmaycont i
nue."
Ihuf
fandrol
lmyeyes.Ugh,
thi
smanhasaway
ofget
ti
ngundermyskin.
Me-"SoBab'Nyat
hi,
isthatbett
er?Iwassaying
thaty
ourfr
iendBr
ianisn'
tthesameBrianthatI
hadgrowntoknow.Het ol
dmet owarnyou,
whatev
erthatmeans.Si
ya,hehasavideoof
youandIbeingi
nti
mate,andSiy
a,hescared
me."
Isni
ffandst
artcr
yingsof
tl
y.
Him-"
Iknow,I
'
m sor
ryMaKhumal
o.Cany
ou
comeoutsi
de?
"
Ij
umpof
fthebedandr
unt
omywi
ndow.
Me-"
Siy
abonga,
whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?"
Him-"Ihadtomakesurethatal
l3ofmybabi
es
weresafe.SoIdrov
ehereassoonasIcoul
dn'
t
getholdofyou.
"
Me-"Youst
art
edcall
i
ngmeov er5hoursago.
You'
vebeenoutsi
dethi
swhol
etime?"
Hi
m-"Pret
tymuch,butt
hat
'
snoti
mpor
tant
.I'
m
j
ustgl
adyou'
reokay.
"
Me-"
I'
mfi
ne.Goodni
ght
."
Hi
m-"
Zinhl
e,j
ustf
ivemi
nut
espl
ease.
"
Isi
ghoutl
oud.
Me-"
Fine,
5mi
nut
esandt
hat
'
sit
.Pl
easegi
ve
measec."

Itiptoeoutofmyr oom tothekitchenanddi sh

upf orSi yai
nmom' sTupperwar edishes,Iknow
I'
m si gningadeathwishhere.Youdon' ttoucha
blackwoman' sTupperwaredishes.Ipack
every thi
nginapaperbagandt i
pt oetothefront
door .Irunoutandr untowardsSiya'sRange
andIj umpin.
Hi
m-"
Heybaby
!"
Ir
oll
myey esandhandhi
mthepaperbag.Hi
s
ey
eslightupwhenheseesthef
ood.
Me-"
Don'
tgetusedt
othi
s."
Hi
ssmi
l
efades.
Me-"
Ithi
nkourf
ivemi
nut
esi
sup!Goodni
ght
."
Itr
yopenthedoor,buthelocksi
t.Hegr
abs
holdofmyarm andkissesmyhand.
Him-" I
'm gladyou'resafe,butIthi
nkit'
sti
me
wedi scussedy ourl i
vi
ngarrangements.Bri
anis
unpredictablerightnow,andIwantt obeableto
prot
ecty ou, butIcan'tdothatifyou'
resti
l
lli
vi
ng
undery ourmot her'sroof
."
Il
aughandshakemyhead.
Me-"Letmegett hisright.Youwantt otakeme
awayf r
om theonl ysuppor tsy st
em Ihav eand
throwmei nsomeapar tmentsomewher e, whi
le
youplayhappyf ami l
ywi thy ourwife?SoIwai t
togetweekl yv i
sitsfrom y ou?No!I fIneedso
muchpr otection,thenpr otectmyhear tfi
rst,
stophurti
ngi tever ychancey ouget .When
you'r
edonewi ththaty oucanpr otectmer ight
undermymot her'
sr oof."
Him-"Zinhl
e,ther
earet hingsthataregoingon
ri
ghtnowt hatIcan'
tshar ewithyoujusty et
.I
can'
tpromisey ouanyt
hi ng,becausewi t
h
promisescomet imeframes, andI'm notina
posi
ti
ont ogiveyouanyr ightnow."
Me-"Siy a,Idon'tcar e.Ishouldn'thav
eev er
expectedmuchf rom y outobegi nwith.All
I'
d
l
iketor elyony ouf ori sco-parenti
ngthekids,
theresti sn'
timpor tant."
Hegrabsmyf acewit
hbothhismuscul
aryet
gentl
yhandsthenbri
ngsi
ttowardshi
s.Our
nosesaretouchi
ngandourli
psarej
usta
centi
meterapart
.
Hi
m-"Zinhle.Idi
dn'
twantt
otelly
out hi
sunt
ili
t
wasf
inal,butEveandIareseparat
ing.
"
Igi
vehi
m asar
cast
icl
augh.
Me-"Sur
e,Ist
ickmytonguedownmyex'
s
t
hroatal
lthet
imetoo!
"
Him-"
Couldyoujustl
i
sten?We'resepar
ating,
andIdon'
twanttogointodetai
labouti
t,but
canwespeakli
ke2adultsforasecond?"
Igi
vehi
m abl
ankst
are.
Him-"
I'
ll
tel
lyout
hedetai
l
slat
er,
butatl
east
nowyouknow.Ther
eisnohopeofany
reconci
li
ati
onbetweenus.Socanwetal
kabout
howy ou'
removingoutofyourmot
her
'shouse?
"
Me-"Don'
ttel
lmesomethi
ngj
ustbecauseI
wanttoheari
t,and.
."
Hi
m-"Soy ou'
repl
easedt
oknowt
hatI
'
m get
ti
ng
adi
vorce?
"
Me-"
Don'
tdi
ver
tSi
yabonga!
"
Hel
ooksatmei
ntent
ly.
Hi
m-" Ifany t
hingweretohappent oyourorour
l
it
tl
ebl essings,I
'dneverl
ivewit
hmy self
.I'
m
t
ryi
ngt ofindawayt ofi
xthiswit
houtany
vi
olence,hencewhyIneedy outomov e.
"
Me-"Si
yaIcan'tjustupandleavemyfamily
.I
haven'
teventoldthem I
'
m expecti
ngyet,
how
doIexplai
nmov ingtoGodknowswher e?I'
ll
thi
nkaboutit
,that'
sthebestIcando.
"

It
akehishandsof
fmyf
aceandputt
hem on
hi
slap.
Me-"I
'm goingtotell
them aboutt hepregnancy
tomorr
ow.Ineedt odoonet hingatatime,okay?
All
owmet hat
.I'
m sti
llgoingtohav etoexplai
n
whomybabydaddyi s,andt hat'
llt
akeabouta
weekortwo.I '
vegotal otaheadofme.
Goodni
ghtandhav eaMer ryChristmas
Siy
abonga."

Ishiftmybodycl osertohis,pulli
nghimi nfora
hug, buthegr absmyf aceandsmasheshi s
l
usciousl i
psont omi ne.Heni bblesonmy
bottom li
pandpr obesmyl ipsopenwi t
hhis
tongue.Hesl idesitinandexpl oresmymout h
withit.Hegr azeshisteethalongmybot tom li
p
whilehishandwonder sbeneat hmyshi r
t.He
l
icksmyt oplipandt hatsendspul sati
ng
sensat i
onst omycast le.Hepr esseshis
succulentlipsalongmyneckl i
neandl if
tsmy
shir
t.Het raceswetki ssesov ermyl acebra,
thenl i
ckshisindexf i
ngerandt r
avelshishand
tomycast l
ebeneat hmyl aceboyshor t
s.He
tr
acescirclesonmyent rancethenpusheshi s
i
ndexf i
ngerin.He'sgroaningashecomesi nt
o
contactwithmywet ness.Her et
ract
shisfinger
andsucksoni t.Heshiftsbackinhisseatand
buckleshisseatbel
t.
Hi
m-"Goodni
ghtZi
nhl
e,t
hanksf
ort
hef
ood.
"He
wi
nksatme.
Icomposemy sel
fandfi
xmyshir
t.AsI
'm about
tojumpoutofthecar
,hecl
ear
shisthr
oat.

Si
ya-"
CanIshowy
ousomet
hing?
"
Me-"
Iguess.
"
Hespeedsof
f.
Me-"
Siya!It
houghty
oumeantsomet
hingt
hat
'
s
i
nthebackorsomething.
"
Siy
a-"
I'
llhaveyoubackbymi dni
ghtCi
nder
ell
a."
Hewinksatme.Isi tbackinmyseatandbuckle
myseatbeltbecauseit
'spointl
essar
gui
ngwith
thi
sman, andI'
mt ooexhaustedtodoso.
Wear r
ivei
napr
ivat
ecompl
exbui
l
dingneart
he
beach.
Hi
m-"
Come,
let
'sgo.
"
Hejumpsoutandtakeshi spaperbagwi ththe
foodini
tthencomesar oundt oopenmydoor .I
getoutsl
owly,
analy
zingmysur roundi
ngsand
hegrabsmyhandandl eadst hewayi nside.He
opensthedoortoaluxuriousloftapart
ment .
I
'minaweofmysur roundi ngs.Iwalki
nand
gentl
ypushhimtothesi de.
Me-"
Wowwhati
sthi
s?"
Hi
m-"Ourpl
ace.
"Hesaysashesoundme
ar
oundandpl
antsalongandpassionatekiss
onmyli
ps.Hepicksmeupandwr apsmyl egs
ar
oundhi
swaistandgazesi
ntomyey es.
Hi
m-"
Ilov
eyousosomuchMaKhumal
o."
Hewalksustotheloungeandgentl
yplacesme
onthecouch.Hekneelsbet
weenmyl egsand
pul
l
sof fhi
sgolf
er,
reveal
inghi
srockhardabs
andbr
oadshoul
der
s.
Me-"
Siy
a,Ishoul
d..
"
Heshut smeupwi thasensuoussmoocht hat
hasmyar mscl i
ngi
ngont ohi sneckand
moani ngundermybr eat h.Hel ift
smyshi r
tover
myheadandi tfall
stothef l
oor, r
eveali
ngmy
swollentummyandenl ar gedbr eaststhrough
mywhi t
elacebra.Hel i
ckshi sli
psatt hesight
ofmeandcomesdownt ot astemyl ips.His
tongueplayswi t
hmi ne,whi lehishandt ravels
downt omyj eans,heteasesmebypl acinghis
handov ermyl aceboyshor ts.Hisbareski n
touchingagainstmine,elicit
samoanf rom me.
Hest opsthekissandt ugsof fmyj eans,taki
ng
myunder wearof fwit
ht hem.

Hegl ar
esdownatmybar el
owerbodyand
brusheshi
sli
psagainstmytummy .Heplants
softwetki
ssesal
lovermyswollenbell
yand
spreadsmylegsapartwi
thhist
highs.Hefinal
ly
l
iftshi sheadanduncl aspsmybr ar ev ealingmy
enlar geder ectbr east s.Hegent lysqueezesmy
moundswhi leItugont ohi sheadandbr ingi tt
o
myf ace.Iki sshi m wi t
hl ongingandneed, he
sensest hisandspr ingsof ft
hecoucht uggi ng
hisj eansandbr i
ef sof fsi multaneousl y.He
l
ungesbackdownandcomesi ntocont actwi t
h
mycast l
eandi nhal esmyscent .Hel icksmy
entr ancel i
ght l
yandIr ollmyheadwant ingmor e.
Heni bblesandsucksonmynubwhi l
esl owl y
i
nser ti
ngaf i
nger .Ijumpatf irstcont actt henI
grindagai nstit.I'
m ont heedge, andhest ops
abr uptly,t
ower i
ngov erme, l
ev elinghi msel fwith
hisoneel bow.Ir eachdownandf eel hi s
monst er,hisbul gingv einsandl eaki nghead
sendschi llsallov ermybody .Her ubshi shead
agai nstmywetent ranceandIgr oani n
ant i
cipation.Hef inallysl owlysl idesi nandgi ves
onehar dt hrustthatmakesmescr eam i n
pleasur ablepai n.Hi sey eshav en' tlostcont act
withmi neashef il
lsmeupwi thl ongandsl ow
strokes.Igr indagainsthi m andthatt ur nsa
swi t
chi nsideofhim, becausehet hr ustsdeeper
andhar derataf asterpacewhi l
ecar essi ngmy
breast s.Idigmynai lsint
ohi stor
soandIf eel
my selfbui l
dupagai n.Hismonst erisbur i
edso
deepi nme, Ifeeli
tchoki ngmef r
om t hei nside.
Af ewdeept hr
ustsl ater,
ifl
yov ertheedge.He
l
iftsmyl egsandpl acest hem onhi sbr oad
shoul ders.Hebur ieshi mselfdeeperi nsi deof
meandcr iesmynameoutashef i
llsmewi t
h
hisliquid.Het umbl esonmeandIf eel hishear t
j
umpi ngoutofhi sf ace.Heki ssesmycheek
andpi cksmeupandcar ri
esmeupst airstoa
bedroom t hatIassumei shis.Hepl acesmeon
thebed, grabsawar mt owel andcleansme
thenbr i
ngsmet ohi schestandcuddl esme.

Af
ewmi
nut
esl
ater
,hewakesup.
Him-"
WakeupCi
nder
ell
a,
bef
orey
out
urni
ntoa
pumpki
n."
Hesayskissi
ngmeallovermyface.Hecarr
ies
met ot
heshowerandwashesmybodyal lover
,
seduct
ivel
y.Oncewe'
redone,
wegetdressed
andhepullsmet ohi
m.
Hi
m-"
Doy
our
eal
l
yhav
etol
eav
e?"
Inodandgrabhi
scarkeys,
dangl
ingt
hem in
fr
ontofhi
m.Hesighsthenweheadtothecar
andheadhome.

Wef i
nal
l
yarr
ivebackhome,andthecari
s
consumedbysil
ence.Igr
abhi
sfaceandgiv
e
hi
m asmooch.
Hi
m-"Pleasespendt
henight
,Ij
ustwantt
o
wakeupnexttoyouguy
s."
Igiv
ehim abr i
efsmil
ethenj
umpoutofhiscar.
Irunbackintothehouseandcloset
hedoor
sl
owlyandl ockit
.It
akemyshoesoffandtur
n
onmyt oesandwal ktomyroom.Ifi
ndZi
yanda
si
tti
ngonmybed.
Her
-"Whowast
hat
?"
[
04/
17,
20:
43]Wdz:
[45]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Me-Ziy
anda,
canwet
alkaboutt
hist
omor
row
pl
ease?
Ziy
anda-"Doesumaknowthaty
ou'
ver
esor
ted
tothi
sblesserl
i
fest
yle?
"
Il
aughsar
cast
ical
l
y.
Me-"
Getoutofmyr
oom pl
ease.
"
Her-"
That'
swhyyou'
resofat!Udl
aimal
i
yamadodaamadala(you'
respendi
ngol
dmen'
s
money).
"
Me-"
Tel
lmeoncey
ou'
redone.
"
Isi
tonmychai
rnextt
othebed.
Shestandsupf rom t
hebedandwalkstowards
me.Shet owersovermeandstumbles,shehas
thel
ookofdi sgustandcont
emptanimatedon
herface.From whatIcansmel lshe'sbeen
dri
nking,andit'
shardl
iquor.Sher i
ngsher
handsar oundmyneckandpr esseshard.Icr
y
soft
lybegginghertostop,butshel ooksli
ke
she'
si nanotherworl
d.
Me-"
Yanda!Yanda!I
'
m..I
'
m..pr
eg.
..
naaaant
st
ooop!
"Icryout
.
Shesnapsoutofi
tandI
'm coughi
ngandcr
ying
onthefl
oor
.Sheedgescl
osertome,andshe's
al
socryi
ng.
Her
-"Zi
nhl
eI'
m..I
'
m..so.
.r
ry.Shesobssof
tl
y.
"
Me-"
Pleasel
eav
e."
Shest
aysi
nthesameposi
ti
on.
Me-"
Leav
e!"
Sheflinchesandrunsout .Il
aythereonthe
fl
oor,tryi
ngtoregulat
emybr eat
hingunt
ilIf
ull
y
calm down.Icrawl ov
ert omybedandl ayon
thecov ers.I
'
mt oodrainedtochangeint
omy
pajamas, soIpull
mymi nkthrowovermy
shi
ver
ingbodyandcl
osemyey
es.

Iwakeupt
othesmel
lofbaconandr
oll
my
eyesasmyst
omachgrumbles.
Me-"
Doy
ouguy
sev
ersaynot
ofood?
"
IsayasIr ubmyst omach.Igetupof fofmy
bedandchangei ntomyf luff
ygown.I t'
sabit
war m,butitcov ersallofmypr otrudingfat,so
I'
ll
enduret heheat .Iwalkt othebat hroom to
brushmyt eet h,butIdecidetot akeashower
whenIf eelsomepai nont hesidesofmy
abdomen.It akeal ongshowert ryingt osoothe
thepain,andi tseemst osubside.Iwal kbackto
myr oom andbendov ermybedwhent hepain
comesback.Icont emplatecalli
ngSi ya,butthe
painisn'
tsev ereandi tsoonsubsi dessoon
after.

Igetdr
essedi
nast
ri
pedl
oosel
ongsl
eev
ed
shir
tdressandt i
emyweav eintoamessybun.I
applysomemakeupandwearmygl adi
ator
sandals.Iopenmycl osetandt akeoutthe
paperbagscont ai
ningthegiftsIboughtf or
mom andZi yandaandwal kt othelounget oput
them undertheChristmastree.Iwalkov erto
thekit
chen,tofi
ndmom cooki ngupast or m.
Me-"
Hel
l
oma!
"
Iwal
kovertoherandhugherf
rom behi
nd.She
l
eansbackandrubsmyarms.
Her-"
ZiZi
,fi
nal
l
y!Youandyoursi
sterhav
ebeen
sl
eepingt
hewholeday
!Yini
vele?
"
Me-"
Ma,
it'
s11:
00am hawu!
"
Her-"
Engabeniyoshadwaubani
!(Iwonderwho
wil
lmarr
yy ouguys)
Il
aughandli
ckthewoodenspoonwi
th
chocol
atei
cing.
Someti
mesIf
orgethowmuchofabi
gdeal
Chr
ist
masEveisi
ntheKhumal
ohousehol
d.We
dogiftsonChri
stmasEv e,wecookupast orm
andmom endsupgi vingthefoodawayt o
homelesspeople,
becauset her
e'ssomuch
food.ThenonChrist
masDayweheadt o
churchandcomebackt oeatmor ef
ood.It
's
beenjustthe3ofusduringChristmasforthe
pastfewyears.

Mom-"
Yourbr
eakf
asti
sint
heov
en.
"
Me-"
Thanksma.
"
Iki
ssheront
hecheekandt
akemyf
oodand
headt
othedi
ningr
oom.
I'
m hal
fwayt
hroughmyf oodwhenthepai
n
comesback.Iconti
nueeati
nganddri
nksome
waterwhenI
'm done.
ThenIhearZiyanda'
sdoorknobt
urnandshe
emergesinhergown.Shelooksl
i
keshehada
roughni
ght,Icansti
ll
smellt
heal
coholf
rom
whereI'
m si
tti
ng.Shemakesherwaytothe
bathroom andshestaysther
eforawhile.I
'm
solazy,Iwanttohelpmom inthekit
chen,butI
can'tbri
ngmy sel
ftogetupoffmyseat.
Ziy
andacomesoutoft hebathr
oom inhertowel
andheadst oherroom,justt
hesightofher
makesmyhear tr
ace.
AsIf i
nishthelastofmywateraf
terasharp
pai
npi ercesthroughmyabdomen,Ziyand
walkspastmeandav oi
dseyecontactbyall
costs.
Mom comest
omecar
ryi
ngabowl
.

Mom-"ZiZi
,youdi
dn'
ttakey
oursouf
fl
é,her
e
yougo.
"
Shehandsmethesouf
fl
é,mysali
vadripsas
thear
omahit
smynose.Mymom r eall
yknows
howtomakemyheartsmil
e.Iwanttohold
ontot
hesemomentsasmuchasIcan, because
soonI'
l
lber
ocki
ngherworl
d.
Me-"
Thanksmom.
"
Ihol
dont
oherar
m andki
ssherhand.
Me-"Ilov
eyoumom."Sheholdsont
omyarm
andblowsmeakissthendi
sappear
sof
fint
o
theki
tchen.
Byt hetimeI'
vegat
heredt
hestr
engthtogot
o
thekitchen,
mom isdonewit
hthefoodandi
s
cleaningup.
Mom-"Pl
easesetthetabl
eforme.Set4pl
ace
set
ti
ngs,
I'
m expect
ingsomeone.
"
Igi
veherani
nqui
sit
ivel
ookandf
oldmyar
ms.
Shesmi
l
esandhi
tsmewi
thadi
shcl
oth,
Her
-"Hamba!(
Go!
)wel
aughand
Isetthetableandgofetchmyphonefrom my
room whenI '
m done.I
'v
egotdozensofcal
ls
andt ext
sfrom Si
ya,soIhumorhi
m andcall
him back.
Hi
m-"
MaKhumal
o,f
inal
l
y."
Me-"
Youcal
l
ed?
"
Hi
m-"
Arey
ouokay
?"
Thent
heshar
ppai ncomesback.Iy
elpi
npai
n
andbr
eat
hethroughit
.
Me-"
I'
mfi
ne.
"
Her
-"Whatwast
hatt
hen?Zi
nhl
ear
eyoui
n
pai
n?"
Me-"Notreal
l
y.I
'm pr
obabl
ydehydr
atedor
somethi
ng.Ij
ustneedtodr
inksomewaterand
l
aydown."
Him-"Icanpicky
ouupandwecangot
othe
doct
orjusttobesaf
e."
Me-"Si
yastopwi thtr
yingtobethi
sperf
ectman,
i
t'
sannoying.Iwasf i
nebeforeyouandI'
l
lbe
f
ineaft
erwards.Goenj oyChri
stmaswit
hy our
f
amilyandjustleavemeal one!
"
Ihangupandheadt
othel
ounge.
Mom-"
Okay
,pr
esentt
ime!
"
Weopenourgi ftsandI '
m happywi thwhatIgot.
Mom gotmeay ogamat ,ani Padanda
shoppingvoucher .Ziy
andagav emeapamphl et
anddietplanfr
om somegy m, shedecidednot
toopent hegi
ftIgother ,andshe' ssti
ll
avoidi
ng
eyecontactwithme.Igotherandmom t he
samegi f
t;di
amondbr acel etswi t
hournames
engravedonthei nsideanddi amondi nfi
nit
y
ri
ngstomat ch.Ispentmor ethan2mont hspay
onthem, andshe'snotev enopeni ngit.
ThepartI
'vebeendreadi
ngal
lmorni
ngar
ri
ves
andther
e'snoturni
ngbacknow.

Mom openshergif
tboxandjumpsin
exci
tement
.Shekissesmeallovermyfaceand
wearsthej
ewelr
yimmediat
ely.Shepeeps
thr
oughthegi
ftbagagai
n.
Mom-"
Oh,
ther
e'sacar
daswel
l
?"
It
urnawayandwi
peat
eart
hatescapes.
Mom-"
Zinhl
e,y
ini
le?(
What
'st
his)
"
Ilookatherastear
swelli
nourey
esandsee
thatshe'
sholdi
ngtheul
tr
asoundi
mageinher
hand.
Ishi
ftcl
osert
oherandsheshout
sherhandup
i
nprotest
.
Her
-"No!Whati
sthi
s?"
Me-"Ma,i
t'
sanultr
asound.
"Isayi
nal
owv
oice
asIst
areatthef
loor.
Her
-"Ungang'
hl
anyisi
Mina!(
Don'
tmakeme
mad)iknowthatdamnit
!Whyisi
tinher
e?"
Me-"
Ihav
enewstoshar
e.I
'
m pr
egnant
."If
iddl
e
wi
thmyfi
nger
s.
Mom-"
Nxah!
"
Shestormsofftoherr
oom.Thewholeti
me
Ziy
andaisonherphonepretendi
ngnott
ohear
anythi
ng.Af
terafewminut
esshewalkspast
meandhuf
fsal
lthewayt
oherr
oom.

Mom st
ormsbacki
ntot
hel
ounge.
Mom-"
Aret
hese2babi
est
hatIsee?
"
Me-"
Yesma.
"
Her
-"Nkosi
yami
!(MyLor
d)"
Me-"
I'
m sor
..
"
Her-"
Don'tl
i
e!Youcan'
topenyourlegsfora
man,all
owhimtorel
easehissemeni nsi
deof
youandthencomehereandapologize!I
'
m not
afool
!"
Istar
eatt
hef
loorasmyt
ear
str
ickl
edownmy
face.
Mom-"
Howf
ar?
"
Me-"
16weeks"
Her
-"Iknewit!Iknewit
!WhythoughZi
nhl
e?
Whymychi l
d?WasIt oost
ri
ct?WasItoo
l
eni
ent?"
Me-"Noma, i
twasn'
tyou.IknowImessedup,
andItaker
esponsi
bil
i
ty.I
'l
lfi
xthi
s."
Shehuf
fsandwal
ksbackt
oherr
oom.
Igetupandwal kt
omyroom.I'
m sobbi
ng
uncontroll
ablyonmybedandbefor
eIcanst
op
my sel
f,Icall
Siya.
Me-"Si
.
.Si
..
ya!Shehat
esme!Mymom hat
es
me!"
Hi
m-"
Sshhhbr
eat
he,
whathappenedbaby
?"
Me-"
Itol
dher
,andshehat
esme!
"
Iwhal
eoutl
oud.
Hi
m-"I'
m coming.Br
eat
heandt
ryt
ocal
m down
f
orthebabies.
"
HehangsupandIcr
yint
omypi
l
low.
I
'm wokenupbyaknockonmydoor,andmom
bar
gesincarr
yingagl
assofwat
er.
Mom-"Dri
nkthi
s,t
hecr
yingi
sn'
tgoodf
ort
he
ki
ds.Comeandeat.
"
Shepl
acest
hegl
assonmyv
ani
tyt
henwal
ks
out
.
Idrinkmywat erandwalkoutoftheroom t
othe
diningr
oom.Isi tdownandlookatmom, and
seedev ast
ati
onwr it
tenonherf
ace, whi
l
e
Ziyandahasasmugl ookonherface.

We'real
ltoyi
ngaroundwithourf
ood,when
ther
e'saknockonthefr
ontdoor.Great
,mom'
s
dateishereandwecouldn'
tbeinaworse
space.
Mom j
umpsupandwalkstothedoor
.She
comesbackwi
thsomeonefol
lowi
ngher.
Mom-"Zinhl
e,y
ourboy
fri
endi
sher
e,appar
ent
ly
youi
nvi
tedhim."
Shest
epsasi
de,
andt
her
ehei
s.
Me-"
Siy
a?"
[
04/
18,
08:
11]Wdz:
[46]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
WhatisSiyabongaNyathidoingi
nmydini
ng
room r
ightnow?Idropmyf orkontot
hefl
ooras
hefl
asheshissmileateveryone.
Siy
a-"I
'
m sorr
yI'
ml at
e,whenZinhl
ei nv
itedme,
Iwasn'
tsureIwasgoingtomakeitbecauseI
hadfamil
yobli
gat
ions,butt
hatfi
nishedearl
y,
sohereIam."
Ikeepshakingmyheadathimtryi
ngt oi
ndi
cat
e
thatheshouldj
ustl
eaverat
herbutthenheput
s
hishandonmom' sshoul
der.
Hi
m-"
IhopeI
'
m noti
ntr
udi
ngma.
"
I
'minthetwil
ightzonerightnow,Ibli
nk
pr
ofusel
y,t
hinkingmay beit'
sadream, buthi
s
br
oadshoulderedtall
selfissti
l
lstandingher
e
i
nfrontofme.
He'sweari
ngachar coalgr
eyslimfi
tjean,wit
ha
tuckedinwhi t
eshi
rt
,acheckeredli
ghtgrey
blazer,
ablackHermesbeltandblackformal
shoes.Helooksandsmel l
sgoodenought oeat,
andIseeZi yandadr
ooli
ngfrom acr
osst he
table.
Mom-"No,afr
iendofZi
nhle'
sisafr
iendof
mine.
"Shesmil
esbri
efl
y,andIcant
elli
t'
snot
genui
ne.
Mom-"Zi
nhle,
mov ethatpl
aceset
ti
ngand
pl
acei
tnexttoyoursrat
her.
"
Me-"
Mom,
whatabouty
ourguest
?"
Mom-" It
houghtitwoul
dbebestt
ocancel
any
out
sidevisi
tor
s,consi
deri
ng.
."
Ishyawayandmov ethepl
acesett
ing.Si
yai
s
j
usthov er
ingbehindmeandhe'smaki ngme
uncomf or
tabl
e,he'ssendi
ngchil
l
sdownmy
spine.
OnceI'
m done,
Igestur
et oSi
yat osi
tdownand
heunbutt
onshisbl
azerthentakeshi
sseat.
Mom cl
ear
shert
hroat
.
Mom-" Uhmm wellI
'm Zi
nhle'
smom,
uZamokuhle,t
hisi
sZinhl
e'ssist
eruZi
yanda,
andofcourseyou'
rewellacquai
ntedwit
hyour
gi
rl
fr
iendoverther
e."
Si
ya-"Oh,
ngiyaj
abulaukunaziboMntungwa(
I'
m
pl
easedtomeety ou)I'
m Si
yabongawakwa
Nyat
hi,Zi
nhl
e'sotherhal
f.
"Hesay sashehol
ds
myhandont hetable.
Ifeell
ikeI
'
m havi
nganouterbodyexper
ience,
myl i
psaregl
uedshut
,mymi ndisfi
ll
edwith
dust,andmybodyisf
ri
gid.Idon'
tknowwhatto
sayordo.

Mom-"SoZinhl
e,t
hisiswhyThabi
sobr
okeup
wi
thyou?Youcheatedonhim?
Me-"
Chama(
nomom)i
t'
scompl
i
cat
ed.
"
Zi
yandahuf
fs
Si
ya-"
Act
ual
l
yma,
Zinhl
elef
tthatboy
."
Mom-"
Becauseofy
ou?
"
Si
ya-"
No,
becausehewasabusi
ve.
"
Mom andZi
yanda-"
What
?!"
?
Si
yagazesi
ntomyey
esandsmi
l
es.
Siya-"
Yes, hedrov
eheraway .Hewasphy sical
ly
andemot ionall
yabusi
ve.Ionlycameint
ot he
pictur
eafteryourdaughterf
oundthestr
engt h
toleavethatcoward,buthewon'tbebothering
herany more."
Mom-"
Zinhl
e?I
sthi
str
ue?
"
Mom say
swi
thgl
i
steni
ngey
es.
Inodsl
i
ght
ly.
Mom-"Whydi
dn'
tyousayany
thi
ng?Iwasr
ight
her
e!"
Shesaysashertear
sfal
ldownherf
aceand
wethercheeks.
Mom-"Zinhle,
am Inotyourmother
?HaveInot
prot
ect
edy ouy ourwhol
eli
fe?Yety
oucoul
dn't
tr
ustmewi ththis?
"
Mom dr opsherforkonherpl ateandsi t
sback
onherseatassher ubsherfor eheadwithher
hand.Sher el
easesal oudsighandIcant el
l
from hersnif
fi
ngthatshe'scr yi
ng.Siya
clenchesontomyhandandIwi pemycheeks
wi t
hmyot herhand.IseeZi yandawi peatear
thathasescapedherey esandshet urnsaway
whensheseesmel ookingather .

Me-" Ma,I'
m sor
ryforever
ythi
ng.Ifonlyyou
knewhowmuchIr egr
etal
lofthis,butI
've
growntobel i
evethatt
hesebabiesar ea
blessi
ngf r
om God.Mom, I
'l
ltakecareoft hem
my sel
f,Idon'
thaveaplanyet,butIwill
."
Mom-"Zi
nhle,
areyouokay?Di
dhehurty
ou?
Shoul
dn'
thebearr
ested?Aret
hebabi
esokay
?"
Si
ya-"
I'
m sor
ryt
oint
erv
ene,
butIhadamant
o
manconver
sati
onandhe'
sbeenpuni
shedf
or
hi
sbehav
ior.
"
Me-"
I'
mfi
nema.
"
Ismil
ethroughthepaint
hat'
spier
cingt
hrough
mylowerabdomenandSi yagiv
esmeal ookof
concer
n.Ibrushitof
fanddri
nksomewat er.
Si
yacl
ear
shi
sthr
oat
.
Siya-"Ma,anot herreasonbehi ndmyv i
siti
sto
formallyi
ntroducemy selfasthefatheroft he
kidsthatZinhleiscar r
ying.I'
m sorr
yt hatyou
foundoutsol at eanddur ingsuchaf estive
periodinthey ear.Ihopet hi
sjustmeanst hat
wehav eanot herreasont ocelebrat
et hough.I
alsowantt omakemyi ntenti
onsclear ,
I.
."
Igr
asphi
shandandsqueeze.
Me-"Wecantal
kaboutt
hisl
ater
,I'
m sur
ewe'
re
al
lhungr
ynow."
IsayasIst
andtodishup,butapai
npi
erces
thr
oughmysideagainandIstumbl
ebackint
o
thechai
r.Si
yaspr
ingsof
fhi
sseatandhol
ds
ontomyshoulder
s.
Me-"
I'
mfi
ne,
Siy
abonga!Canweeatpl
ease?
"
Siya-"Ma, pleaseexcuseus.Zi nhlei
s
exper i
encingsomepai nandIjustwantt o
ensur ethatsheandt hebabiesarefine.I
apologizef orruini
ngy ourChri
stmasEv e,I
'l
ltr
y
maki ngitupt oal l
ofy ou.Ma,Ziyandaitwas
greatmeet i
ngy ou."
Hefl
asheshi
sinf
ect
ioussmi
l
eandpi
cksmeup
f
rom mychai
r.
Me-"
Icanwal
kSi
ya!
"
Thatseemst ofal
londeafearsbecausehe
takesmyphoneof ft
hetableandshovesiti
n
hispocket
,thenherunsouttohiscar.
Hi
m-"
Cal
lyourdoct
or!
"
Heshout
sfr
ant
ical
l
y.
Me-"YaziSi
yabonga,
Itol
dy out
hatI'
mfine,
besi
des,IdoubtSbui
swor ki
ngtoday
."
Him-"Sbu?We'reonafi
rstnamebasi
sthen?
Evenbetter
,I'
m sur
ehe'
l
l bemor
ethanhappyto
helpusout."
Hegi
vesmeabr
iefsmi
l
e.
Me-"Wedon'tevenneedtogotoadoctor,buti
f
youi
nsistI
'
m sureyouhaveoneofyourlapdog
doct
orsony ourpay
rol
l,
socall
oneofthem. "
Isinkint
omyseatandfol
dmyey es.Si
ya
l
aughsanddoestheunthi
nkabl
e.Hedialsa
numberandconnectshi
sphonetohis
Bluetoot
h.

Si
ya-"
Goodday
,Sbusi
soNgcobo?
"
Sbu-"
Yes,
howmayIhel
pyou?
"
Siya-"
I'
m call
ingonbehalfofZinhl
eKhumalo,
she'sexperi
encingsever
epainandsaidyou'
re
theonlydoctorthatshetr
usts.Coul
dwemeet
youaty ourpracti
ce?"
IhearSbuscr
ambl
i
ngi
nthebackgr
ound.
Sbu-"
I'
m ami
nut
eaway
."
Si
ya-"
Thanksdoc!
"
Ilookathim wit
hmymout hwideopenandhe
pretendstobeobliv
ioustome, ashespeedsi
n
thedirect
ionofthepract
ice.
If
eelsobombar
dedanduncomf
ort
abl
eand
j
ustannoy
ed.
Me-"
Siy
a."
Hegrabshisshadesandputsthem onthen
st
aresthr
oughthescreen.Ir
ollmyeyesand
l
ookoutthewindow.

BeforeIknowit,we'
vearri
vedatSbu'
ssurger
y
andI'mtoodrainedtoevenaskhowheknew
wher et
ogoorhowhehashi snumber.Si
ya
unlocksthedoorsandjumpsoutthecar,
he
runsaroundtomysi deandhelpsmeoutthe
car.
Me-"
Siy
a,If
eel
per
fect
lyf
inenow.
"
Si
ya-"
Ireal
l
ydon'
thavet
imeforthis.Ar
ey ou
goi
ngtowalki
norshoul
dIcarr
yy ouin?"
Iholdmyhandsupi nprot
estandr ollmyey es.I
getoutoft hecarandwalkt owardst he
entr
ance,leavi
nghim behind.Irun/walkt o
Sbu'soffi
ceandf i
ndhim paci ngupanddown
hisoffi
ce.Whenheseesmehef reezest hen
chargestowardsme.Hesqueezesmei na
warm embr acethenfi
nall
ylet '
sgo.Hecupsmy
faceinhishandsandgazesi ntomyey es.
Sbu-"Ar
eyousti
l
linpai
n?Anybl
eedi
ng?
Discomfor
t?"
Me-"
I.
..
"
Siya-"Thankyousomuchfortheconcern,butI
thi
nkIspeakf ort
hebothofusifIsaywe'dlike
yout oexamineher,
youcanleavethehugsand
thekissestome."
Hesayswi
nkingatSbu.Si
yagr
absmyar
m and
ki
ssesmycheek.
Si
ya-"
Leadt
hewaydoc!
"
Sbuwal kst ot ohisconsul tationroom andIl ay
ont hebed.Si yacomesr oundt hebedandhol ds
myhand, Iattemptt osnatchi taway ,butthat
onlymakeshi shol dont oittighter.Sbulift
smy
dressandpl acest hepapert owel onmyl ap.
Siyalower sitabi ttocov ermybr awhi chwas
showi ngslightly.Sbusighsoutl oudand
pressesonmyabdomen.Heasksmet o
describemysy mpt omsandot herdetail
ed
descripti
onsoft hepain, Ianswerwhi l
eSi y
a
brushesmyhai rwithhisf reehand.

Sbu-"Okay
,let
'sj
ustdoanul
tr
asoundt
orul
e
ever
ythi
ngout,al
ri
ght?
"
Si
ya-"
Great
!"
Siyasayswithawidesmilepl
ast
eredonhis
face,exci
tementi
swrit
tenall
overhi
sface.
Sbuset
supandpr
oceedswi
tht
heul
tr
asound.I
star
tt ensi
ngwhenIdon'thearanything.My
heartbeatsfast
erandsweatdropletsf or
m on
myf orehead.Il
ookoveratSiy
aandhe' s
obli
vioustowhat '
sgoi
ngon.Tear sforminmy
eyesandt heytr
ickl
edownmyf ace.
Me-"Sbu,
what'
swrong??Ican'thearthei
r
hear
tbeat
s!Whycan'
tIheartheirhear
tbeats?
"I
whal
eoutloud.
Me-"
Sbu,
saysomet
hing!
"
[
04/18,08:
12]Wdz:
Goodmorni
ngevery
one!I
hopeyouhaveanamazi
ngweekahead!

[
47]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Sbu-"Waitcal
m downZinhle!Calm down!
Breathe!Someonemusthav edecreasedthe
volumeont hemachi
ne,letmet ur
ni tup.
"
Itr
ytobr
eathethr
oughmyemoti
onsandthenI
heart
hem.Ihearmybabi
eshear
tbeat
s.
Sbu-"
Doy ouheart
hat
?That
'st
hem,
bot
hof
them,st
rongert
hanev
er!
"
Itur
nt ol
ookatSiy
aandhe' sinhisownli
tt
le
world.Hi
seyesarelockedonthescreenand
hisfacei
ssoanimat ed,myheartmelt
swhenI
seehisreact
iont
oseei nghi
skids.
Hecloseshiseyesandateart
ri
ckl
esdown, he
smil
esandholdsontomyhandev ent
ighter,
his
headmov i
ngalongtothebabi
eshear
tbeats.

It
urnmyat
tent
ionbackt
oSbu.
Me-"
Sbu,
aret
heyokay
?"
Him-"Theyseem tobedoinggr
eat.Str
ong
hear
tbeatsandgrowingataheal
thyrate.
"
Me-"
Theshar
ppai
ns?
"
Sbuhel
psmeupandat
tempt
stohel
pmel
ower
mydr ess, butSiyasnat cheshi shandaway .Si
ya
carr
iesmeof ft hebedandhel psmest andon
thefloor,thenengul fsmymout hinhi
si na
shortandpassi onatekiss.Ipushhi m away
sli
ghtly,andfindt hatSbuhasl eftt
heroom.
Thiswhol esituationisf r
ustrati
ngand
uncomf ortable,isitt
oomucht oaskforal i
tt
le
peacei nmyl ife?Ican'tev ensayI '
mrushingto
gethome, becauset hesi t
uationathomei sn't
anybet t
er .

Iwal
koutandheadtoSbu'
sof
fi
ceandsi
t
acr
ossf
rom anagi
tat
edSbu.
Me-"I
'm sor
ryf
orbombar
dingy
ouwi
thal
lof
t
his,
"
Sbu-"
Ithoughtyousaidt
hef
atherofy
ourki
ds
wasn'
tinthepict
ure.
"
Me-"
Hewasn'
t.
.hei
sn'
t.I
t'
scompl
i
cat
edr
ight
now.
"
Sbu-"
Youknowthatwe'vegrownclose,
Ijust
wanttomakesur
ey ou'
reokay,emoti
onall
y."
Siya-"She'
sj ustfi
ne,thanksdoc!Shouldn'
tyou
wor r
yabouty ourpati
ent'sheal
thandleavethe
emot i
onst ome?I '
m surethisli
tt
lef
ri
endship
breachessomeet hicscode? "Hesaysfrowning
andnar rowinghisey ebrows.
Siy
a-"Weappreciat
ey ourconcern,butify
ou
couldpl
easej
ustdoy ourjobandt elluswhat'
s
wrong,I
'
m sur
et henIwon' tbeurgedt omake
anyphonecal
lsregardingy ouri
nappropri
ate
behavi
or.
"
Siy
achuckl
essar
cast
ical
l
yandImi
me"
I'
m
sorr
y"t
oSbu.

Hel
ooksatmet
hensmi
l
es.
Sbu-"Zi
nhl
e,i
tseemsasi fyou'
resuf
feri
ngfrom
roundli
gamentpain.Manywomensuf f
erfr
om
thi
satthebegi
nningofthei
rsecondtri
mester,
butyour
sisexacerbatedduet
othemunchki
ns
you'
recarr
ying.I
t'
s.
."
Si
ya-"
Munchki
ns?Wow!I
tget
sbet
ter
!"
IsqueezeSi
ya'
sthi
gh.
Me-"
I'
m sor
ry,
pleasecar
ryon.
"
Sbu-"I
t'sduet othefastr at
ethaty ouruterusi
s
expandingat.You'llf
eel i
tmostwheny ou
changeposi t
ionsabr uptl
yorcough.I fit
persi
sts,youcancomei nagainandI '
ll
prescr
ibesomet hi
ngmi ldforyoutot ake,but
fornowy oushoul djustrestandtakei teasy.
Trytohy dr
ateandj ustchangey ourposi t
ionif
yougetuncomf ort
able.Ineedt otakey our
bloodpressurejusttoensur ethatit'
s
somewhatundercont r
ol.
"

Inodandgiv
eSbuagenuinesmi
le.Thewhol
e
ti
me,Si
yaisshaki
nghe'
ssoli
vi
d.
Sbucomesar
oundhi
stabl
eandt
akesmybl
ood
pr
essur
e.
Sbu-"
Alli
sinorder
.I'
l
lseey
ouatournext
appoi
ntment.
"
Si
yachuckl
esl
oudl
y.
Siya-"
Thatwon'tbehappeni
ngdoc.Thanksf
or
yourserv
ices,
butwe'redone.Hepul
lsme
towardsthedoor.
Me-"
No!That
'snoty
ourdeci
siont
omake!
"
Siy
a-"Oh,andwe' dappreci
atei
tifyoust
op
cal
li
ngandt exti
ngusi nthemiddl
eofthenight
,
i
t'
sdistr
acti
ng."Hegr absholdofmyarm and
makesmef ol
lowhimt othecar.

Thedriv
ehomei squietandI
'm st
ari
ngoutthe
window.Siy
astopsthecaronthesideoft
he
roadandlower
sthev olumeontheradi
o.
Him-"Look,I
'
m sorry.Ij
ustcan'tst
andseeing
youwithsomeoneel se.Youwer ebl
atant
ly
f
lir
ti
ngwi t
hhimrightinfrontofme.Ithought
wewer
ebui
l
dingsomet
hingsol
i
dher
e."
It
urntofacehi
m wi
thmycheekssoakedwi
th
myflowi
ngtear
s.
Me-" Siya,youdon' tgeti t!You' r
ej ustlikehi m!
You'reexact lyliket hemanIwasi na
rel
ationshipwi th.You' recont roll
ing,sel fi
sh,self
centeredandar rogant !Youwantt ocont rolme
andmyl if
eandi t'
snotf air
!Ifthisi slov ethenI
don'twanti t,I'dratherl ivether estofmyl if
e
withoutit!Icr yconst ant lybecauseofy ou,and
thesear en'
tmyhor monest alking, i
t'
sme.I 'm
ti
red, I
'
m dr ained, andIj ustwantpeacet obe
restoredinmyl if
e.Ihav enoescape, l
i
terally
nothingmakesmehappyany mor e,not hi
ng!I
hadanamazi ngf r
iendshi pwi thSbu, Itrusthim
andhe' sbeent her edur ingmypr egnancymor e
thany ouhav e.You' rebusyt al
kingaboutet hics,
whataboutwhatSt ev endid?Thatdoesn' tcount
ri
ght ?Isnot hingsacr edt oyou?Don' tyoucar e
aboutmyhappi nessandmyl ifeev eni fit
doesn' ti
ncludey ou?Si ya,I
'm almosthal f
way
throughmyf i
rstev
erpr egnancy,andIcan
barelytelly
ouofonei nstancewher eIwas
genuinelyhappyandcont ent
.RightnowI'
m
goinghomet oanangr ymot herandcrazysi
ster
,
yesterdayIwast hr
eatenedbyy ourbestf
ri
end,
i
t'salljustt
oomuch. "
Icatchmybreat
handsobint
omyhands.He
tr
iestohol
dme, butImov
eback.
Me-"
Pleaset
akemehomesoIcandeal
wit
h
t
heothermessi
nmyli
fe.
"
Hesi
tst
her
eforawhi
l
eandsi
ghsoutl
oud.
Hi
m-"
I'
m sor
ry.Ir
eal
l
yam.
"
Heswi
tchesont
heengi
neanddr
ivesmehome.

Thedriv
ehomei ssil
ent
,Iwanttotouchhis
handandapologi
z ef
ormyr ant,
butImeant
everywordofi
t,maybeIcould'
veconvey
edmy
thought
sinabetterwaythough.
Hepar
ksneart
hegat
etomyhouseandshi
ft
s
i
nhi
sseatt
olookatme.
Heshuf
fl
esint
hebackseatandhandsmea
smal
lbox.
Hi
m-"
Openi
t.
"
Il
ookatt
heboxandslowl
yopeni
t.Ther
eare
somekey
sinsi
de,Il
ookathi
m wi
thaconfused
l
ookonmyface.

Him-"Thi si syourChr i
stmaspr esent .The
penthouse, I'
veputitiny ourname, andt he
otherkeyi sf orsomet hingthatwilltakey ou
wherev ery ouwantt ogo, i
t'
sparkedi nt he
garageoft hepenthouse.Iwanty out omake
thatplacey ourown, changet helocksi fy ou
thi
nkI'llbargei nunannounced.Ij ustwanty ou
tobecomf ortabl
eandnotcr owdany one.Your
mom andsi sterwil
lv i
sitobvi
ously,buti agree
withyou, Ithinkyoual soneedsomet i
met o
yourselftoenj oythisphase.I '
ll
alsosl eepbet t
er
knowingy ou'resomewher esecure.Ify ouev er
feelt
hreatenedoraf rai
d,youheadst raightt o
myst udyandl ockthedoorbehi ndyou, allt
he
codesar eonmysi deoft hebed.Thest udyis
thesafestplaceont heproperty,i
tsbul letpr
oof
andhasemer gencybuttonsal l
over,armed
responsecangett oy ouwi t
hin3mi nut es.Just
knowt hatIlovethethreeofy oumor et hanmy
heartcanhandl e,
I'
lll
oveandpr otecty oui nthis
l
ifeandt henext."
Hecomesclosert
omeandki ssesme.It'
s
gentl
eandwarm,Icanbar
elyfeelhi
ssuccul
ent
l
ipsonmine,y
etmyhearti
sleapingoutofmy
chest
.

Me-"Siya,t
hanky ouforthegif
t,butitseems
l
ikeyou'resayi
nggoodby e.Iwanty outobepart
ofeverymilestoneduri
ngandaf terthi
s
pregnancy,don'tyouwanttoheary ourbabi
es
heartbeat
sagai n?
"
Hesmi
l
esatmet
henki
ssesmyhand.
Him-"Usethatcard!Apologizetoyourmother
forme,tel
lherthatI'
l
ldor ightbyyouandy our
famil
ynomat terwhat,andZi nhl
etrytocontrol
yourstr
esslevel
s,don'tl
ett hi
sthi
ngwi t
hyour
mom orwi t
hanyot hersit
uat i
ondict
atewhet her
ourbabiesl
iveordie.Dot hatyogavoodooshi t
i
fy ouhaveto.
"
Hecr
ouchesdownandmakescont
actwit
hmy
t
ummyandbr ushesi
twhi
l
ehi
snosetouches
mynavel
.
Him-"Himunchki ns,that'
swhaty ourmommy
cal
lsyou.You'remyl ittl
epri
ncesorpr i
ncesses,
thi
sisdaddy ,Il
ov eyousomuchi thurts.Ev
ery
deci
sionImakef rom nowonhasy outwoi n
mind.I'
vewaitedmywhol eli
fejustfory outwo,
butIdon'tmindwai ti
ngal it
tl
elonger .Stay
warm andsnuggl ediny ourmommyandnev er
for
getthisvoice,Imakeuponl yhalfofy ou,but
youareallofme.Don' tmakemommysi ck
anymore,behav efordaddy '
ssakepl ease.Oh,
andtell
yourmot hertoloosenupwi t
ht he
moods.Il
ovey
ouguys.
"Hekissesmyst
omach,
andourey
esmeet
,bothgl
i
stening.
Hi
m-"
Goi
nsi
denowmyhear
t.
"
Il
etmytearsfall
andIshakemyhead.He
j
umpsoutofhi ssidethencomesar
oundt
o
mineandopensmydoor .Hegi
vesmeonefi
nal
smoochthenhehel psmeout.
Me-"Wecanst
il
lchi
l
ltoget
her
,it
'snotl
ateor
any
thi
ng.
"
Hi
m-"
No,
it'
sti
me.Go.
"
Iwal
ktowardst
hegat
ewhi
l
ehest
andsi
nthe
samespot
.

Iruni
nsi
deandheadst
rai
ghttomyroom,Ir
un
tomywindowandhe'
ssti
llpar
kedt
here,
afew
minut
eslat
erIwat
chhi
m speedoff
.
Igobacktotheloungewheremom andZiyanda
areseat
edandt heyjumpupwhentheyseeme.
Mom comesr unningtomeandengulf
smei na
bearhug.
Mom-"
Isev
ery
thi
ngokay
?Ar
etheyst
il
lokay
?"
Me-"
They'
refi
nethanksma.I
'
mjustgoi
ngt
o
t
akeashortnap.
"
Shenodsandhugsmeonel
astt
imeasI
di
sappearof
fint
omyroom.

I'
m wokenupl ateronwhenIhearmymom
scream andsomet hi
ngbr eak.Irunouttothe
l
oungeandf indshatter
edpi ecesofateacup
andsaucer.Ilookupatmaandshe' strembling
whilewatchi
ngt heTV.Ilookatt hescreenand
droptothefloorattheheadlines.
"BusinessMogulandPhi
lant
hropi
st,
Siy
abonga
Nyathi i
nvol
vedi
nbrut
alshooti
ngandtragi
ccar
accident.
"
[
04/
18,
08:
12]Wdz:
[48]
*
*SI
YA*
*
I
'v
eenj oyedbei nginourl
it
tl
ebubblewi t
hZinhle,
i
t'
sbeenev erythi
ngIcoul
daskf orandmor e.
Chri
steningourcoucht heotherdaywasn'tin
myplans, butaf t
erwhathappenedinthecar,I
wastooar ousedtohaveaninnocentnightwit
h
myhear tjustaf ewmetersawayfrom me.

I
'velookedal loverforEv eandBr i
an,butI '
ve
beenunsuccessf ul
.They '
recompl et
elyof ft
he
radar,andIcan' tensureZi nhle'
ssafety,that'
s
whatdr i
vesmesocr azy .Ididn'
twantt ohav eto
resorttoviolencetor easonwi t
hthet wopeopl e
thathavebeensuchahugepar tofmyl i
fe,but
they'
reforcingmyhand.I '
veseenr andom car s
parkedout sideZinhle'shouset hatspeedof f
whenIar ri
v e.I'
veseent henumer ouscar sthat
foll
owmyev erymov e,andt hepeoplethathide
behindnewspaper sandl argeshadest hattake
notesonev eryt
hing,ev enwhenIsneeze.
Soenoughi senough,Ican'
tkeepputti
ngmy
babieslivesinj
eopardybecauseofme.
What everIti
sthatEveandBr i
anareplanning,I
knowi t'
shuge.ThisisaboutmeandI 'mr eady
fort
hi stobedone, andifi
tmeansI '
l
lhavet o
watchov ermybabi esinheaven(orhel
l)then
sobei t.ImeantitwhenIsaidI'
ddoany thing
fort
hose3humans, andI'
mjustabouttopr ove
i
t.

Ilooki nmyr earv iewmi r

rorandIseet he
fami l
iarblackSUVt hat'
salwaysf oll
owingme,
andIseeanot heroneaheadofme.I '
vetr
ied
l
osi ngthem, butthereseemst obemor e
wai ti
ngformeatev erycornerIturn.Imakea
phonecal ltooneofmycont acts,Ineedto
ensur ethatZi nhl
eandt het wi
nsar etakencare
ofifany thinghappenst ome.It r
ycallEveand
Brianonel astt i
mehopi ngagai nsthopethat
they
'r
ewi l
lingtonegotiat
e;butnowappar entl
y
thei
rnumber sdon'
texi
st.Ibangonthest eeri
ng
wheel i
nfrustrat
ion,
Iguessthisisi
t,Iknowan
ambushwhenIseeone, andthiswit
houta
doubtisanambush, soIdecidetosendZi nhl
e
onefinalv
oi cenote.

Me-" Myhear t,mylov

e,myl if
e.I'v
emadeso
manymi st
akeswheni tcomest oy ou,buty ou
sti
l
lgav emet hemostpreciousgi ftIcould
i
magi ne.Idon'thaveenought i
met otellyou
howmuchIl ov eyouandourpr inces,butI'm
comf ort
edinknowi ngthatoursoul scandot he
connectingev eni
nournex tli
fe.Ichoosey ou
now, andI'
llchooseyouthen.Nev erforgetto
tel
lthosemunchki nshowmucht heirfather
l
ovest hem,andZi nhl
eIwantt ospendt her est
ofmyl if
ewi thyou,nomat t
erhowl ongor .
...
"

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Isl
ideontot hefloorwhilestari
ngattheTV
screen.Everyt
hingstartsgetti
ngblurr
yandI
bli
nk,all
owingmyt ear
st ofall
.Il
etoutaloud
scream andwhal eont heflooruncontr
oll
abl
y.
Me-"
Why
?WhymeLor
d?Why
yyy
yy?
"
Mom runstomysideandcradlesmeli
kea
baby,
hushi
ngmei nthepr
ocess.Isobonher
chest
,hol
dingont
ohershoulders.
Me-"
Ishedead?I
sher
eal
l
ygone?
"
Mom-" Idon'
tknowbaby,
weneedtobeposi
tiv
e
though.Thinkaboutt
hosebabi
esi
nther
e,tr
yto
breathe."
Me-"Mamaungil
ingel
ani
uSiy
abonga?
Ungenzani
maaaaa?(WhyisSiy
abongadoi
ng
thi
stome)
Mom-"Ssshhhbaby
.Itwi
l
lal
lwor
kout
,tr
yto
st
aycal
m. "
Shesaysi
nabreaki
ngv oi
ce.Ipull
awayfrom
mom andtr
ytotakedeepbreathsinandIfeel
mysoull
eavemybody.Mymom catchesmy
headbef
orei
thit
sthegr
oundandshestraddl
es
meblowi
ngaironmyface.
Mom-"NononoZi
nhl
e!Wakeupdamni
t!Oh
Nkosi
yami
!(OhmyLor
d!)
IseeZi
yandaatadistancerushi
ngt
omysi
de
withagl
asscont
ainingwater.
Ziy
anda-"I
tssugarwat
er,
sheneedst
ogether
energyl
evel
sup."
Mom rai
sesmyheadandhol dstheglassf
or
met odr
ink.Ifeelmybodyparal
yzefora
second,
Ican'tbli
nkormovemybody .
It
akeshortsi
psofthewat
ersolut
ionandpant
whil
ecr
yingsoft
lywhenI
'm done.
Mom-" Zi
nhle,I'
m surehe'sgoingtobef i
ne,
ngi
y i
bonileleyansi
zwa( Isawt hatman)he
doesn'tscareeasily.Heknowshehasaf ami
ly
totakecar eof,he'
sast rongman, notjust
physicall
y,butIsawhi sstrengthandloveinhi
s
ey
es.Hav
efai
thmybaby
."
Shebr ushesmyhai rwi t
hherfingersand
Ziyandacomesr unningbackinwi t
hawet
faceclot
h,whi chsheplacesonmyf orehead.I
j
ustst ar
eatt heceil
ingthenturnmyheadt o
facetheTVandatt hattime,apictureofSiya'
s
carisshown.I t'
sroll
edupi nt
oasmal lpil
eof
j
unk, t
here'snowayhemadei toutoft her
e.

Iplacemyhandonmyst omachandallowmy
tearstofallatthethoughtofwelcomi
ngmy
munchki nsintothewor l
dalone.Howthey'l
l
probablylooklikehim andremindmeofhi m
everyday.Iremembert hatIneedtocalm down
forthei
rsakesandmi ne,Si
y awouldt
ellmet hat
too.
Me-"
Ma,Ineedtolaydown.Idon'
twantt
hem
t
obeindi
stress.
"
Isaypoi
nti
ngatmyt
ummy
.
Mom-"
We'
l
lcar
ryy
ou,
Idoubty
oucanwal
k."
Itryraisingmyupperbodyupwi thmyel bows
butIf aildi smal l
y.Mom andZi yandahelpmet o
myr oom bycar ryi
ngme.Mom hasmyhead
andupperbody ,whileZiyandaholdsmyl egs.
Theypl acemeonmybedandmom undr esses
me.Shest ruggleswi ththebut t
onsonmydr ess,
especi all
ysi nceIcan' tmov eaninch.Oncemy
dressi sof f,mom st aresatmyswol l
en
stomach, Itrysucki tin,butIremembert hati t
's
pointl
ess.Sheunhooksmybr athenhelpsme
i
nt omygownandcov ersmewi t
haf l
uffythrow.
Sheal sowal ksacr osst heroom andgrabsmy
giantteddybearandpl acesitnexttome, t
hen
shewal ksov ert
omydi ff
useranddiff
uses
somel av ender .

Mom crawl
sintobedwit
hmeandhugsme
fr
om behi
nd.If
eelhert
earsf
all
ont
omyneck
andsheholdontometi
ghter
.
Mom-"Shoul
dImakey
ousomechamomi
l
etea,
i
t'
l
lhel
py ousl
eep.
"
Imanaget
oshakemyheadandal
l
owmyt
ear
s
tosoakmypi
l
low.

Iwakeupt oadar kr oom andaheav yhear t

whenIseemyt eddynextt ome, Irealizeit
wasn'talladream.Isi ghoutloudandspr i
ngup
tolookf ormyphone.Icr awloutofbedand
stumbleaf ewt i
mes, butIfi
nall
ymanaget o
grabitonmyv anity.Icrawlbackt obedand
unlockmyphone.Igot omycont actsandI
reali
zethatIhav enoonet ocallr
egar dingSiya.
We'dal waysbei nourownl i
ttl
ebubbl e,other
peoplewer enev erreallyapartofour
"rel
ati
onship"soIdon' thav
eanyofhi sfri
ends
orfami l
y'snumber s.Theonl ypeopleIknow
thatareconnect edtoSi yaareEveandBr ian,
andI '
m desperatesoher egoesnot hing.
It
ryBr
ianf
ir
st,
becauseI
'
m noti
nthemoodf
or
Ev
e,buthisphonei
sonvoi
cemai
l.ThenItr
y
Ev
e,Itakeafewdeepbr
eat
hsinasitri
ngs.
Her
-"Si
sterwi
fe!
"
Icl
earmyt
hroat
.
Me-"
Eve,
hi.
"
Her
-"You'
recal
l
ingmebecause.
.?
"
Me-"I
'
m cal
li
ngt
oaskabouttheSi
yasi
tuat
ion,
doyouhavemor
einf
ormati
on?"
Shel
aughsl
oudl
y.
Her-"
Itmustsuckbei
ngthesidechick,no
phonecal
lsoremail
sfrom anyone.I
fitweren'
t
fort
henewsandt hi
ssoci
al mediaBSwoul d
youhaveevenknownthatyourmani sdead?"
Me-"
D..
.d.
.dead?
"
Her
-"Oh,
youdi
dn'
tknow?Doyouthi
nkhel
eft
ust
hesameamountofmoney
? "
Me-"
Wh.
.wher
eish.
.h.
.he?
"
I
'
mtr
embl
i
ngandmyv
oicei
sgi
vi
nguponme.
Her-"Idon'
tknow,probablyinsomemor gue
somewher e.Youknow, hereall
ysavedmewi t
h
thelawyersfees,
becauset hi
sdivorcewas
goingtodraganddr ag.Atleastnowhe's
resti
nginpeacewher everheis,andI'
mrest
ing
i
nmi ll
ions,sowe'r
eallhappy .
"
Ihanguponher ,
Ican'thandleanotherword
thatcomesoutofhermout h.Ilaybackinbed
andasmyt earsrushdownmyf ace.Befor
eI
l
ockmyphone, Ireal
izethatIhaveamessage
from Si
ya;
it'
savoicenote.
Ili
stentohi
m pr
ofesshi
sloveanditsounds
l
ikehe'sonther
oad.Bef
orehefini
sheswhat
he'
ssay i
ng,
Ihearadeaf
eningl
oudnoi set
hen
sil
enceandhehangsup.

Ideci
detocallhim,andhisphoneisobviousl
y
onvoicemai
l.SoIdeci detol
i
stentohis
voi
cemailgr
eeting,
ov erandoveragai
n.
"
Siy
abongaNy
athi
,youknowwhatt
odo.
"
Hisvelv
etyvoi
cemakesmyhear tbl
eed.I
'
ll
neverheari
tagai
n,I
'l
lnevergazeintot
hose
eyes,I
'
llnev
erwit
nesshisinfect
ioussmil
e.
Nev
eragai
n.
[
04/
18,
08:
12]Wdz:
[49]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Thenextf ewday sar etorturef orme.I '
mi n
suchadepr essivestate,Idon' teatorbat hor
evenleavemyr oom any mor e.Il ockedmy selfin
myr oom theotherday ,andmymom al most
hadahear tatt
ackwhenshecal ledmyname
andIignoredherf ormi nutesonend.Iwasn' t
i
gnor i
ngherintentionall
y,Iwasj ustinmyown
worldment al
ly,t
hinkingaboutt hepossi bil
it
ies
ofwhatcoul dhav ebeen, hadSi yast il
lbeen
al
ive.Anhourorsol ateral ocksmi thopened
mydoorandmymom ev enr equest edt hatthe
hi
ngesf ormydoorber emov ed, ri
ghtnowI
don'thaveabedr oom door .Sher eplaceditwi t
h
ameaslycurt
ain,apparentlyshe'
sdoi
ngthi
sfor
me,
butIknowt hat'
sjustanotherwayoft
ell
i
ng
methatI'
m onsui ci
dewat ch.

I'
vehear dZiyandacomei nmyr oom atni ght
andbr ushmyhai rwhi l
eIsl eeporshej ustsi ts
ont hef loorbesi demybed.Thi screepsmeout ,
becauseIdon' tknowi fIcant r
usther .Idon' t
knowi fshe'sment allyplanni ngmyf uner alori f
shesy mpat hizeswi thmysi tuation.I'
v ebeen
goingt hr oughhel ltryi
ngt of igureoutwhat
happenedt oSiy a,butI 'v
ebeenl essthan
unsuccessf ul.I'
v et r
iedcal l
ingEv enumer ous
ti
mes, tonoav ail.I'vebrowsedt heinter net
endlessl ytof i
ndt hedet ailsofSi ya'sacci dent ,
butt here'sonl yapi ctureandaheadl inewi thout
adescr i
pt i
vest ory .I'
velookedf orSiy a'
smom' s
number ,aswel lashi ssi ster'sbutst i
llnot hing.
I'
vecal ledev eryhospi talwi thinthev i
cini t
yand
sti
llnot hing.It'
ski lli
ngmenotknowi ngi fhe' s
sti
llaliveornot ,ofBr iandi dsomet hingt ohi m,
i
fheneedshel
pandwor
seofal
l
,ifhe'
shada
f
uner
alalr
eady
.
I'
m ashamedt ot ell
mymom howl i
ttl
eIknow
aboutSiy a'
scurrentsit
uati
onandhow
i
nsignifi
cantIseem t obeinhi
sli
fe,asIsti
ll
haven'
tr ecei
vedanyi nfor
mati
onfrom anyone.
It
'sri
diculousreall
y.

I'
vebeeni nbedf ordaysnowandIf eelmy sel
f
gett
ingmor eandmor edrainedbythesecond,
thenIr emembert hatI
'm amot her
,Ican'tbe
self
ishany mor e,Ihavetoputmybabi esneeds
abov emyown, Ihavetoregainmyst rengthno
matterwhat .SoIdeci detogetupandt akea
bubblebat h.Isoaki nl
ukewar m wat erforwhat
seemst obeanhourandscr ubmybodyunt il
I'
m sat i
sfi
edthatI '
vewashedof fthedi r
tfrom
thepr evi
ousday s.

Iheadbackt
omyr
oom andsi
tonmybedasI
thi
nkofwhatt owear .Il
otionwhilesi
tti
ngand
wearmyunder wearwhil
esi tt
ingaswell.Iopt
foramaxi dressandsandal s,It
iemyhai ri
ntoa
halfbunandappl ysomemascar aandlipgloss
on.Ilooki nthemi r
rorandseehowbr okenIam,
myey esar est i
l
lalit
tl
epuf fyandtheli
ghthas
beensuckedoutoft hem.It akeadeepbr eath
i
nandt henheadt othekitchen,whereIf i
ndmy
mom day dreaming.

Me-"
Hel
l
oma.
"
Mom-" Zi
nhlemnt
anami
(Zi
nhl
emychi
l
d)y
ou'
re
outofbed!"
Sheattachesmewi t
hahug.If eeltears
threat
ent oescapesoIpullaway .Iheadtothe
fri
dge,butmom shov esaplateinmyhandsand
pushesmet owardsthedi
ningr oom andeven
openst hechairf
orme.
Me-"Ma,thanky
ou,
butIdon'
thav
emuchofan
appet
it
e."
Mom-"Zi
nhle,
you'
reeat
ingfor3now.Atl
east
eatasmuchasyoucan,pl
ease.
"
Inodandeatt
heomelet
tei
nfr
ontofme,
and
surpr
isi
ngl
yIf
ini
shi
t.
Me-"
Iguessy
ouguy
swer
est
arv
ing.
"
Isaywhi
l
est
roki
ngmyst
omach.

Mom comesbackintothedi
ningroom andsi
ts
nextt
ome.Shestaresatmeunt i
lIev
entual
ly
cl
earmythr
oat.
Me-"Ma,
Ihavetobesomewher
eri
ghtnow.I
'
ll
bebackl
ater
."
Mom-"
Arey
oumeet
ingwi
thhi
sfami
l
y?"
Isi
ghl
oudl
y.
Me-"
Uhmm,
somet
hingl
i
ket
hatIguess.
"
Mom-"MaybeIshoul
dgowithyouorbet
tery
et
Zi
yandashoul
dgo,j
ustf
orsuppor
t.
"
Bef
oreshegi
vesmeanoppor
tuni
tyt
osay
anyt
hing,
shecal
l
sZi
yanda,
whohur
ri
esi
ntot
he
room.
Mom-"Canyougowit
hZinhl
etomeetthat
boy
'sf
amily
?Sheneedssomesuppor
t.
"
Zi
yandanodsandsmi
l
es.
Zi
yanda-"
Yesma,
ofcourse.Ijustneedt
oput
myshoesonandI
'l
lbegoodt ogo."
Igetsoannoyed,
whatgamesisZiyandatry
ing
toplayher
e?She'
ssti
l
lpreyi
ngonmeev en
whenI '
minsuchavul
nerabl
estat
e.
Ishootupf
rom mychai
randshout
.
Me-"No,
Idon'
twantanyofyouguystocome
wit
hme,especi
all
ynotyouZi
yanda!Forall
I
knowyouhadsomethi
ngtodowi t
hthis!
"
Mom andZi
yandagaspi
nshock.
Me-"
I'
m goi
ngal
one!Goodby
e."
Wit
hthatIr
untomyr oom t
ograbmyphone
andbagandthegi
ftboxfr
om Siy
athenhead
out
.

Ihaul acabandmakemywayt othepent house,

Ineedt of eelhim agai n.Iar r
iveatt hegateand
thesecur i
tydet ailisf ri
endl y,Itel
lthem my
nameandt heyi nform met hattheywer e
i
nstructedt ot akeaphot oofmeuponmy
arri
valtor unaf aci al analysisont heirdatabase
sotheycandet ermi net hati t
'sreallyme.I
obli
ge, becauset heonl ythingt hat'
sonmymi nd
i
sbei nginsi dehi spl ace, wellmypl aceand
havingasenseofhi m sur r
oundme.Ial sohave
toloadmyf i
nger printsont ot hesy stem soIcan
uset hattoent erf rom nowon.Oncet he
processi sdone, Iheadi nsideandr untot he
dooroft hepent house.Ibr eat heinaf ewt imes
outsidethedoort henIpl acemyf i
ngerpr inton
thescanner , t
urnt hekey ,thenIent er .
Icl
oseandl
ockthedoorbehi
ndmethenwal
k
i
nsidesl
owl
y,I
'
mi mmediat
elyhi
tbySi
ya'
s
strongscentandIcal
louthi
sname, prayi
ng
thathe'
llt
ellmehe'
supstai
rs,butnot
hing.

Iwal kovertothecouchwher ewecr eat ed

magi cnotsol ongagoandl aythere,imagi ning
him ont opofme.Il aythereforawhi le,
replayingeverydetai
l f
rom theot hernight ,unti
l
Ifeelmyt earsthreatentofall
.Igetupand
makemywayupt heendl essfli
ghtofst air
sand
stumbl eint
ohi sr
oom.Ev eryt
hingi si
ni t
spl ace,
andInot ice2phot oframesont hebedsi de
tablescontaini
ngt heultr
asoundcopi esi nside.I
smilet omy sel
fandbi teonmyt rembl i
ngl ip.I
plonkmybodyont othebedandgr abont ot he
cover sandsnifft
hem.Icanst il
lsmel l him.

IgoovertohissideofthebedandIfindapi ece
ofpaperwithasingl
ewhi t
eroseontop.Igrab
thepi
eceofpaper ,
andt r
uetohiswords,Isee
thecodesforthedif
fer
entrooms.Howev er
ther
ear
en'
tanynumber
sont
her
e,t
het
hought
hehadt
oputint
othi
s.
Thecodef
ort
hest
udy-Thedaywemet
.
Masterbedroom -Thedayweconsummat
ed
ourr
elati
onship.
Gar
age-Thedayy
oupl
easur
edmei
nthecar
.
Nur
sery-ThedayIhear
dthei
rhear
tbeat
sfor
t
hefi
rstti
me.

I
tgoeson,
andIwipeawayat
eart
hatt
ri
ckl
es
downmycheek.
Me-"
You'
reani
ncr
edi
blemanSi
yabonga.
"
Ismi
l
etomy
sel
f.
Ilayinbedforhours,t
alki
ngtoSi
yaasifhe'
s
there.Tel
li
nghim myfears,myhopesand
professi
ngmyl oveforhim.
Afterl
ayi
nginbedforwhatf
eel
sli
kefor
everI
rummaget hr
oughever
ydrawerl
ooki
ngfor
someone,
anyonethat
'scl
oset
oSi
yat
hatIcan
cal
l,
butIf
indnot
hing.
Isoonf eelexhaustedandhungrysoIhead
downt ot hekitchenandlookt
hroughthef
ri
dge.
Ifi
ndanendl esssupplyofwaf
flesandwhi
pped
cream andi cecream.
Ther
e'sal
soachickendishthatIdeci
deto
warm upandeat
.Ienjoyeverysi
nglel
astbit
eof
i
tandIwashthedishesonce
I'
m done.It
akeonel
astl
ookatt
hepent
house,
anddecideit
'st
imet
ogobackhome,i
t'
seven
darkoutsi
denow.

Imakemywayhomeandheadst
rai
ghttomy
room,
onl
ytof
indZi
yandaonmybedyetagai
n.
Isi
ghoutheav
il
y.
Me-"Zi
yandapleasecanwenotdothi
stoni
ght
?
Iknowyouwantt omakefunofmysit
uati
onor
whatev
er,butpl
easeI'
m beggi
ngy
ou,not
t
oday
."
Her
-"Zi
,pl
easesi
t.Ir
eal
l
yneedt
otal
ktoy
ou.
"
Il
ookatherandf
oldmyar
ms.
Her-"I
'l
lst
andbyt hewindow, i
fImakey ou
uncomf or
tabl
e,butIr
eall
yneedt ohavean
urgentconver
sati
onwithy ou.Please.
"
Shesay
sasat
earf
all
sdownherf
ace.
Ibr
eat
heoutl
oudl
y.Whatnow?
[
04/
18,
08:
12]Wdz:
[50]

*
*ZI
YANDA*
*
Hi,I
'
m Zi nhle'
soldersi ster
,Ziyanda.She
considersmet hewi ckedwi t
choft hewest,and
Icanhonest l
ysayt hatIdon'tblameher .Al
ot
hashappenedi nourl ives,
someofwhi chshe
hasnoi deaabout .I
'vegonet hroughthebulkof
mylifehat i
ngmy selfandal otofpeopleinmy
l
ife,
butZi nhlehasal way sbeenont het
opof
t
hatl
i
st.

Thingsgotoutofhandt houghwhenIl aymy

handsonZi nhle,Iregret tedi tthesecondIdi dit,
andblami ngi tont heal cohol woul dbesucha
cli
ché,sot heonl ythingIhav et oblamei sthe
deep-seatedr esent mentt hathasl i
ngeredinmy
heartforyear sandy ears.Ij ustwant edhert o
feelahintofwhatI 'vegonet hroughi nmyl i
fe,
butwhent henewscameonabouther
boyfri
endorbabydaddyandIsawhowbr oken
shewas, Iwant edtot akeal lofherpai naway .I
wantedt oal l
eviateev eryl astbi tofstressshe
had,andI '
vedeci dedt hatt heonl ywayIcan
helpherisi fshet r
ust sme, andt heonl yway
shecant rustmei sifI'm compl etel
yhonest
withheraboutev erything.Soher egoesnot hing.

I'
vebeendebat
ingi
nmyheadwhetherIshoul
d
actual
l
ytel
lherwhat
'sgoi
ngonwi
thmeornot ,
becauseIdon'
twantt oaddtothepr oblems
thatshe'
sal
readycurrent
lydeali
ngwi th,butI
wanttobethereformysisterandi norderfor
met odosoIhav etobetransparent,nomat t
er
howuncomf or
tableitmakesthebot hofusf eel
.

SoI'm wait
ingforheri nherr oom,prayingto
Godt hatshedoesn' tchasemeout ,andshejust
l
endsmeanear .Shef i
nallycomesbackf r
om
meet i
ngherinlawsorwhat everandI'v
e
convincedhertogiv emeaf ewmi nutesofher
ti
me.Icant el
l t
hatshe' suncomf ort
ableand
anti
cipati
ngformet ogocr azyandj umponher
again,butno,nottoday ,neveragainactual
ly.
I'
m goingtostopbl amingpeopl eformyf ate.

Icl
earmyt
hroati
npr
epar
ati
onf
ort
hebombI
'
m
aboutt
odr
op.
Me-"
Zinhl
e,f
ir
stl
yofal
lIwanttoapol
ogi
ze
f
rom t
hebott
om ofmyheartf
ormyanimali
sti
c
behavi
ortheotherday.Regardlessofwhether
you'
repregnantornot,Ishoul
dn'thaveeverl
aid
myhandsony ou,andI'
m eter
nallygrat
efulto
Godforsparingthosekidsinthere.
"
Zinhl
e-"What
ever,
I'
mti
redZi
yanda.Pl
easej
ust
gettothepoi
nt.
"
Shelooksbor
edandannoy
ed,
soIt
akeadeep
breat
hin.
Me-" Okay,I
'l
lj
ustgetr i
ghttoit.Iwasabout12
yearsold,uKhumal owasst i
l
lal i
ve.(Idon'
tcal
l
thatmanmyf ather)Idon'
tknowi fy
ou
remember ,butmom wasawayf oraweekata
churchconference.Shehiredsomeonet otake
careofusdur ingtheday,she'dputust obed
thenleave."
Zi
nhle-"
Yeah,Ir
ememberIguess,butwhat
doesthathav
eanyt
hingt
odowi thanythi
ng?
"
Me-"Well,
onedayyouwer
edogtir
ed.Youhad
beenrunni
ngaroundt
hewhol
eday,andbythe
ti
meMam' Mavi
sthemai
dbathedyou,y
ou
wer eyawningnonstopandy ouendedup
sleepi
ngwaybef or
ebedtime.Khumaloinv
ited
hisbrotherubabomncaneuBhekmuzi tohavea
braaiandsomedr i
nks.Khumalopassedouton
thecouchandBhekumuzi cameintoyourroom.
Ihadf al
lenasleepther
eafterr
eadingyoua
bedtimest or
y."
Isi
ghandbr
eathet
hrought
het
ear
sthat
thr
eat
entof
all
.
Me-" Hecamei nsidet her oom andwal ked
towar dsy ourbed.Iwasi ntheot herbedt hatI
usuallysleptinwheny ouwer ehav ing
nightmar esorabadday .Iwat chedhi m
unbuckl ehisbeltandt owerov ery ouasy ou
sleptsopeacef ully.Het hrewhi stopont ot he
fl
oorandr eachedf orhi smanhood.Hest roked
himsel fwithonehandwhi lehegent l
ybrushed
yourhai rwiththeot her.Irememberbl inki
nga
thousandt i
mes, hopingandpr ayingthatitwas
adr eam, butever yti
meI '
dopent hem he' dbe
evencl osertoy oursmal l
body ."
Isighandlookoutthewindow.Oncemy
breathi
ngretur
nstonormal,It
urnmyat
tent
ion
backt oZi
nhle.

Me-" Isprungupoutofbedandy el l
edatt het op
ofmyl ungsf oruKhumal o,butnot hing.Instead,
Bhekumuzi char gedf ormeandgav emea
backhandt hatl eftmedi zzywhi lehecont inued
tomakeamov eony ou.Iranoutt her oom and
tri
edwaki ngKhumal oup, buthewassodr unk
hedidn'tev enf linch.It ri
edev erything, Isl
apped
him andpour edwat eronhi m, butst il
lnothing.I
reali
zedt hatt i
mewaswast ingandIneededt o
savey ouf rom t hatf il
th,soIdi d.Iranbacki nto
theroom andf oughthi m withal l ofmyni ght,
butmyst rengthcoul dn'
tmat chhi s, soIhadone
l
astidea.Hehadt akenof fhist r
ouser sandwas
halfnaked, hest raddl edyou, butst i
llyouwer e
fastasleep, soIpokedhi m andt oldhi m he
shouldt akemei nstead.Atf i
rsthet oldmet o
gobackt osl eep, butIbeggedhi mt ospar eyou
i
nexchangehe'
ddoany
thi
nghewant
edt
ome.
"
Iwipemyt
ear
sthatconsi
stent
lyf
all
downmy
face.
Zi
nhl
e-"
Yanda.
."

Herey
esarewell
i
ngupandhermout
hiswi
de
openi
nshockanddespai
r.
Ihol
dmyhandup,becausef
ort
hef
ir
stt
ime,
I
wanttol
ett
hisal
lout
.
Me-" Hehadhiswaywi t
hmet hatni ght,
3times
tobeexactwhi leyouwer esleepingpeacef ul
ly
j
usttwomet er
saway ,andhet ookapar tofme
thenthatIknowI '
llnevergetback.Thi swenton
foryearsandyear s,unti
lIfel
lpr egnantinhigh
school.Nooneknew, Ihadt olieaboutan
excursi
ont omom soIcoul duset hemoneyf or
anabor t
ion.Everytimeithappened, I
'
dpict
ure
youinmymi ndandbecomf ortedi nknowing
thati
twashappeni ngtomeandnotmybaby
sister.Ov ert hey ear sIt hreat enedtotellmom
andKhumal o, buthepl ay edonmynai v
etyand
toldmehe' ddot hesamet hingt omom whi l
e
Khumal oi ssl eepi ngorpassedoutt henhe'dkill
allofus.Thi si swhyIwant edt ostayatRes
whenIwentt oVar sit
yandIhar dlycamehome
duringt hehol iday s.Fortunat el
yImetsomeone
duringVar sityt hatr estoredsomeoft helight
thathaddi mmedi nmyspi rit.Hewas
ever yt
hingt ome, Isharedst oriesabouty ou
guy sandheshar edst oriesabouthi mselfand
hisf amily.Hei ntroducedmet oalcoholandi t
somet i
mesbecamemycr utch.Onedaywe
wer echi l
lingathi spl aceanddr inki
ng,butI
passedout .Tur nsouthewasn' twhoIt hought
hewasbecausehecal l
edt hreemor eofhi s
fri
endst ohav et heirwaywi thme. "
Zinhl
egaspsloudlyandbi
tesonherl
i
pthat
'
s
tr
emblinguncontr
oll
abl
y.
Me-" That '
swhyIdi dn'tthinkt wi ceabout
mov ingov er seas.Ist artedr esent ingy ouf or
everythi ngt hathadoccur redi nmyl i
fe.Iv iewed
everythi ngasadomi noef fect ,thi nkingt hathad
Inotbeeni ny ourr oom t hatni ghty earsago,
noneofwhathappenedaf terwar dswoul dhav e
occur red.I tgotwor sedur ingy ourl i
ttle
rebelli
ousst age.Iresent edy ouf orl i
v i
ngan
authent i
cl i
fewi thoutf earoft hreat sorr ape.I
fel
tlikey ouwer eenj oyingy ourlifeatt he
expenseofmi ne.Youdi dwhat ev ery ouwant ed
whenev ery ouwant edt odoi t,andInev erhad
thatluxur y.Yougotachancet ol ivei ncol our
andseet hewor ldforwhati tis,whi leInev er
enjoyedbei ngachi l
dorat eenagerorev enmy
Varsityy ears.Thi ngsgotal itt
lewor sewhenI
wasov erseasandIf oundoutt hatt hemanI
thoughtwasmyev erything, wasshar ingabed
withy ou.Igotangr yt hatev ent houghI
protect edy oumyent i
rel i
fe, Icoul dn' tpr otect
youf rom t hatsav aget hough.If eltl i
ke
ev
ery
thi
ngIdi
dwasf
ornot
hing.
"
Zi
nhlelookssoshel
lshocked,Idon'
tevenknow
whattodo.SoIruntowheret hedoorusedto
besoIcangethersomewat er,
butshestops
meinmyt r
acks.
Her-"Theguy
..
.Theguydur
ingy
ourv
arsi
ty
years,whowasit
?"
Me-"
Thabi
,yourex.
"
[
04/
18,
08:
13]Wdz:
[51]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Myent i
rebodyi strembli
ngatt henewst hat
Ziyandaj ustsharedwi t
hme.Myt earshave
dri
edup, andIli
terall
yhavenomor estrengt
h
forthem any ways.Istartdoingmybr eathi
ng
exercises,becauseIf eelmyhear twork
overti
measi tbeatsuncont r
oll
ably.Ziy
anda
runsoutandcomesbackwi thagl assofwater
andacupofchamomi l
etea.Igulpdownt he
glassofwaterandItr
yr egul
atemybr
eat
hing,
thenItakeasipofthetea.

Ziy
andaturnstoleave,andIusemyl astbitof
str
engthtocall
outtoher .Shetur
nsar oundand
Ipatt
hespacenex ttomeont hebed.Ishiftt
o
makemor eroom forher,andshef i
nal
lymakes
herwaytowardsme.Shet akesoffhershoes
andshelaysinbedwi t
hme.Ipl acemyheadon
herst
omach, t
hesamewayIusedt owhenI
wasyoungerandIhol dontoherstomachwhi le
shebrushesmyhai r
.

Me-"
Yanda,
I'
m sor
..
"
Her-"Ssshhhh, noneofitwasy ourfault.I
fIgo
thr
ought hingssot hatyoudon'thavet othen
I'
m will
i
ngt odoi t.Besi
des,Ishouldbet heone
apologizi
ngf orchannel
ingmyangeri nsuchan
unhealthywayandt owardsthewrongper son.
"
Me-"Yanda, I
'
m sorryyouwentthr
oughsuch
hellr
ightunderournoses.I
nthegrandscheme
ofthi
ngs, t
hewayy outreat
edmewas
i
rrel
ev ant
."
Her-"
Well,
kidIonl ytoldyoubecauseIsawhow
muchy ouwerebr eakingandIwant edtobe
t
hereforyou.Theonl ywayt hatcouldhappen
wouldbeifyoutrustedme, andt heonlyway
youwouldisifIcamecl ean.Soher eweare."
Me-"
Thanky
ouf
ort
his.
"Ihol
dont
ohert
ight
er.
Me-"
Thabi
?Cany
ou.
."
Her-"
No,r
ightnowhe'
snotwort
hit
.Ar
eyou
okay?Howdidyourmeet
inggo?
"
Ili
ftmyheadoffherlapandlayont
hebednext
toher,
andstar
eatt hecei
li
ng.
Me-"
I'
mtr
yingt
obeokayf
ormymunchki
ns.
"
Yandal
aughsatt
hat
.
Her
-"Sot
hat
'swhatwe'
recal
l
ingt
hem?
"
Sheput
sherhandonmyst
omachandst
rokes
i
t.
Her
-"Dude,
howdi
dyouhi
det
hisf
orsol
ong?
"
Me-"Iwasi
ndenialforal
ongti
mehey,andI
'
m
ashamedtosaythatIwentasf
arasgoi
ngto
getanabor
ti
on."
Zi
yandagaspsi
nshock.
Me-"IknowIknow.That
'swhyIknowIneedt
o
pr
otectthem.
"
Her
-"I
'
llmakesur
eyout
woar
epr
otect
ed.
"
Shegi
vesmeasi
dehug.
Her
-"Tomor
rowi
sNewYear
'sEv
e,anypl
ans?
"
Il
aughsar
cast
ical
l
y.
Me-"Yanda,I
'm ki
ndofinmourni
ng.It
hinki
t
wouldbeinappropr
iat
eundert
he
ci
rcumstances.
"
Her
-"Iknow,butIthinky
ouneedjustali
tt
lef
un
i
nyourli
fe,oryou'
l
l gocraz
y.Ther
e'st
oomuch
ony ourpl
ate.Besi
desi
t'
snotev
enconf
ir
med
thathe'
sdead."
Me-" Idon'
tknow.I'
mt hi
nki
ngofmov ingout
soon, soI'
ll
havetoorgani
zeafewt hi
ngs.I
wantt obesurroundedbySiy
a'sscentandhis
belongings,It
hinki
t'
ll
helpmeduringthe
pregnancy."
Her-"
Goodl uckwithtel
l
ingmom that
.Comeon,
I
'l
lhel
py ouwhent hatti
mecomes.Ijustwant
youtorelax,y
ou'
reat i
ckingt
imebombr i
ght
now."
Me-" Wel
lI'
l
l t
hinkaboutit
, butwhatwi l
lIeven
wear?Idon'tevenhavemat er
nit
yclothesor
anythi
ngcutet oweartoapar tyorany t
hing.
Besides,
Yandawhatwi l
lpeoplesayseei nga
whaleoutandabout ?Pregnantpeopl eusuall
y
stayathome, Idon'
tfeell
ikeI'm upforthe
star
es."
Her-"
Geez,Iseey
oust
il
lhav
eaf
lai
rfort
he
dr
amat i
cs.
"
Shel
aughs.
Her-"
Thinkaboutit
,wecangosomewher e
i
nti
mat eandchil
l
ed.Ihaven'
tbeenoutand
aboutthi
ssidei
nages."
Me-"
Okay
,nowgomakemesomet
hingt
oeat
."
Wel aughuncontr
oll
ablywhil
esheticklesme.
Shef i
nall
yjumpsoffofmeandl eavesmyr oom.
Ilayinthesamepositi
onwi t
hasmi l
eonmy
face,I
'm gl
adwe'vesortedouri
ssuesout ,
but
myhear tsti
ll
achesandy ear
nsforSiya.
Il
ookdownatmyst
omach.
"
Youmaynolongerhav
eadaddy,butnow
y
ou'v
egai
nedanaunty.
"Isaywi
thagrinonmy
f
ace.

Forthefir
sttimeinages,Isi
tandenjoyameal
wit
ht hethreeladi
esi
nmyl i
fe.Zi
yandacooked
andI'veevenaskedforseconds.
Mom-"
I'
m gl
adt
hatwecansuppor
teachot
her
dur
ingsuchat
ryi
ngt
ime.
"
Mom smil
esf
rom eart
oearandhol
dsour
hands.
Ziy
anda-"
Sowhatdi
dyoudeci
der
egar
ding
tomorr
ow?"
Shedirect
sthequesti
onatme.Sheseems
l
onelyandshe'smakinganeff
ort
,theleastI
coulddoistoappeaseherandgoenjoy
oursel
vesforafewhours.
Me-"
I'
ll
gowi
thy
ou,
justf
oraf
ewhour
s
t
hough.
"
Her-"
That
'sf
ine,
youcanUberbackt
hesecond
yougett
ir
ed.
"
Mom-"I
sther
esomet
hingy
out
wowantt
olet
meinon?"
Ziy
anda-"ZiZiandIaregoingsomewher efor
NewYear sEvetomorrow,nothi
ngcr azyI
'
ll
makesur eoft
hat,andweknowt hatyou'
l
lbeat
churchanyways
Mom-" Pleasebesaf e.YouknowhowIf eel
aboutalcoholsoI '
m sureIdon'
tneedtohave
thatt
alkwi t
hy ou.ShouldZiZibegoi
ngoutin
herstat
et hough?"
Zi
yandar
oll
sherey
es.
Her
-"Mom r
elax.
"

Therestoft
heeveningisfi
ll
edwit
hlighthear
ted
chat
terandusreminisci
ngonthegoodol d
ti
mes.IseeZiy
andagetuncomf or
table,
soI
deci
detochangethesubject
.
Me-"
Mom, I
'mt
hinki
ngofmov
ingout
t
emporar
il
y.
"
Mom-"
Ini
?(What
?)"
Me-"It'
l
lbejustforafewmont hsmaybe.I
'm
notcopingwiththi
ssituati
on,andsometimesI
j
ustneedt obealoneandwor kthr
oughmy
emotions.Ican'
tdothather e,
becauseIknow
thaty
ouguy sareconst ant
lyworri
edaboutme,
andintur
nyoudon'
tgi
vemet hespacethatI
crav
e.I'
m moret
hangr
ateful
forever
ythi
ngyou
guyshavedonef
orme,butIneedspace.
"
Mom-" Andwher
ewi
l
lyoubeget
ti
ngt
his
space?
"
Ir
eleaseal
oudsi
gh.
Me-"There'
sasmal lplacethatSi
yagotforme
andthekidsbefor
ehi saccident
.I'
l
lbetherei
n
theti
mebeing.Yout wowi ll
bemor et
han
welcomeany t
ime,andI '
ll
comet hi
ssi
deont he
weekends."
Mom-"
Isi
tnecessar
ythoughZi
?"
Inodandsheshr ugshershoulder s.That's
usuall
yasi gnthatI'
vewont hear gument ,soI
smileather .Iy
awnandYandat ellsmet hat
she'l
lcleanupandt hatIshouldr est.Ibi
dt hem
bothgoodni ghtandheadformyr oom.Iget
changedi nt
oasl eepshir
tandcuddl emyt eddy
i
nt hecov er
s.Ili
stentoSiya'
sv oicemai l
ov er
andov eragainuntil
Ifal
lasleep.
Iwakeupi nthemor ni
ng, andIsighoutl oud
thi
nkingoft hedayahead.I t'
sNewYear sEve,
andI '
m suret heairisfil
l
edwi thexci t
ement,I'
m
j
ustnotbr eat hi
ngit.Iheadt othebat hroom and
takeaqui ckshower .OnceI '
m done, Il
oti
onand
wearamaxi dresswi t
hsandal s,dressesare
prett
ymucht heonl yitemsofcl othingthatf
it
withoutast r
uggl e.
Iwantt oent erthenewy earwithadifferent
atti
tudeandadi f
ferenthai rdo,
soI'vedecided
totaket hisweav eof fandexpl orethewor ldof
brai
ds.Ibumpi ntoZiy andai nt
hekitchenand
she'sv i
siblyexcitedfort onight
,thatjust
confirmst hatI'
m def init
elygoing,Idon'thave
thehear ttodisappoi nther .OnceItellherthat
I'
m of ft
odomyhai r,herf acebeamswi th
excitement .

Zi
yanda-"
Okay
,Icancomewi
th.We'
l
lhav
ea
si
ster
sdayout
."
Asmuchast hatsoundsi nter
esti
ng,I
'm notin
themoodt ot
alktoany onesoI '
l
lbeterri
ble
company ,andbesidesIf eelt
oosmot her
ed
thesedays.I'
m spendingt oni
ghtwit
hher ,soI'
m
sureIcanhav ethemor ningandaft
ernoont o
my sel
fandmyt hought s.
Me-"I
t'
sfine,
justst
ayhereandlookf
or
somethi
ngcutethatIcansqueezei
nto.
"
Iwi
nkather
,grabanappleandrushoutwi
thout
gi
vi
ngherachancetorespond.

I
'm al
mostdonewit
hmybr ai
dsatt
hesalon
whenacallcomest
hroughfr
om abl
ocked
number.
Cal
l
er-"
Goodday
,ist
hisZi
nhl
eKhumal
o?
Me-"
Thi
sisshe.
"
Cal
ler-"You'
respeaki
ngtoPhi
li
p,oneofMr
Nyathi'
slawyer
s.Thiscal
li
sregar
dinghi
s
est
ate.
"
Myhear
tstar
tsleapingoutofmychest
,myl
i
ps
dr
youtandIstartperspi
ri
ngal
lov
ermybody.
Phili
p-"Inconnect ionwi thanycl ai
msy oumay
haveconcer ningt heest ate,Isuggesty ou
reservethem f ornow.MrNy athi'
sdeat hhasn' t
beenconf i
rmed.Iwasexpect ingacall from
Mr sNy athi,butshe' sgonemut e.Nonet helessI
wasgi venst rictinst r
ucti
onsf rom himt o
contacty oushoul dany thinghappent ohi m.
You'remor ethanwel comet omakeuseoft he
cardandt heot herasset she' sgift
edy oui nt he
i
nterim.I'l
l keepi nt ouch."
Me-"
IsSi
yaal
i
ve?Wher
eishe?
"
Witht hathehangsup.Itr
ycalli
nghim back,but
hi
sphonei sonv oi
cemai
l.I'
m soconfused,my
heartr acesandIhavet
ot akeafewdeep
breathsi n.
AssoonasI 'm donewi t
hmybr aids,Ihead
strai
ghthome.Ineedadi str
acti
onf rom thi
s
whol esituat
ion,andgetti
ngr eadyf ortoni
ght'
s
festi
viti
eswill beagreatdistr
action.Iarri
veat
homeandZi y andaisbuzzing,she'sdecided
thatweshoul dgotoani nti
mat ehousepar tyat
anest ateintheNor t
h.Sher eckonsi t
'ssafeand
sheknowssomeoft hepeoplet hatwillbein
attendanceandsheassur esmet hatI'
llbemore
thancomf or
table.
Zi
yandaisbusycur
li
ngherhai
rinmyr
oom
whi
leItr
yonoutfi
taft
erout
fi
t.
Me-"
Ziyanda,I
'
m notgoing.Di
dyouseehowfat
Iam?Nothingconceal
smybumpandIl ookl
i
ke
I'
mtr
yingtoohardonev er
youtf
it
."
Shehuf
fsandr
oll
sherey
es.
Her-"Whyarey ousodramati
c?Yourbumpis
thecutestt
hing,you'
rel
it
eral
lyt
hesexi
est
pregnantwomanI 'v
eseen.Justl
ookatthat
ass!"
Shewhi
stl
es.
Ifi
nall
ydecideonal i
ttl
eblackdr esswit hfri
nge
onthetorso,hopeful
lythatdi
stractsev ery
one
fr
om mybump.Iwearmyt hi
ghhi ghblack
bootsandgetst ar
tedonmymakeup.Ideci de
togodarkwi t
hmymakeupaswel l
,fi
nishing
mylookwi t
hadar kmar oonlip.

Ziyandaf i
nal
lyf
ini
shesdoingherhairandmake
upandsheemer gesfrom herroom l
ooki
ngal l
ki
ndsofsexy .Hercutebodyi nhertr
endycat
suitisenoughtogivemeahi ntofj
eal
ousy,but
Iremembert hatI'
m gett
ingfatformy
munchki ns.

Wef inal
lyarr
iveatthehouseparty,andI'
m
pleasantl
ysurpri
sed.It
'snotcrowded,there'
s
cateredfoodandt hemusi ci
samazi ng,I
'm
actuall
yenjoyi
ngmy self.
I'
vehadaboutthreehelpi
ngsoft hest ar
ter
,and
I'
m onmysecondhel pi
ngoft hemai nmeal.I
l
ookdownatmyempt yplateandf eeldi
sgusted
atthepigt
hatIsuddenlyam, soIdeci deto
headtothebarforatallglassofjuicetowash
myf oodsi
nsaway .Zi
yandai sonsomeguy 's
l
apandshel ooksalit
tl
et i
psy.AsIt urnaround
withmyglassintowIbumpi nt
osomeone.

Me-"
Ohmywor
d!I
'
m sosor
ry,
Ithi
nki
t'
l
lcome
of
f.
"
Isayr
ubbi
ngont
hest
ainwi
thaser
viet
te.
Hi
m-"
It
'squi
teal
ri
ght
.Fancyseei
ngy
ouher
e
Mi
ssKhumal
o."
Il
ookupandseet
hoseemer
aldgr
eeney
es.
Me-"
Ssss.
..
Sbu.
."
Isayi
nasur
pri
sedt
one.
Hi
m-"
IthoughtI
'
dnev
erseey
ouagai
n."
Idon'
twanttotal
kaboutthelastt
imeIsawhim
becausethatmeansI'
dhavetotal
kaboutSi
ya,
andI'
m notemotional
l
yready
.
Me-"
Ihopet
hatst
aincomesout
."
IsayasIf
lashawi
desmi
l
e.
Hi
m-"
Youcanmakei
tupt
omewi
thadance.
"
Hesaysasheli
ckshi
sli
ps.I'
m notupt
oitf
or
nowsoIgulpdownmydrinkasIthi
nkofaway
tol
ethi
m downgentl
y.
Him-"Gr
eat
,you'
reev
endonewi
thy
ourdr
ink.
Let'
sgo.
"
Hepul l
smeacr ossther oom t
ot hedancef loor
outsi
debyt heDJboot h.Heseemsabi tt
ipsy,
becauseIdon' tknowSbut obelikethiswhen
sober.He'
sr ubbingagainstmeandIt r
yto
l
oosenupabi t,butIlosemybal anceabi tsoI
mov emybodywhi lestandinginthesame
posit
ion.Her ubsmybel lyandItr ypushhim
awaygent l
y,butmyv i
sionisblurred.Iexcuse
my sel
fandr ushtothebathroom.Isplashwater
onmyf ace, butt
here'
sv er
ylit
tl
ediff
erencethat
i
tmakes, Icanbar el
ymakeoutmyr efl
ecti
onin
themi rr
or.Myey esar ei
nvoluntar
il
yclosi
ng,
andI '
ml osingmybal ance.JustasI'
m aboutto
fal
l,Ifeelaman' shandssnakear oundmywai st
.
Me-"
No,
no!Pl
ease!Hel
p!"
Hecov
ersmymout
htheni
t'
sli
ght
sout
.

Iwakeupi nbedwear i
ngat -
shir
tthatdoesn't
belongtome.Ispr ingupwhenIr emembert he
eventsoflastnightvi
vidl
y.I'
m comf or
tedwhen
Ireal
izethatI'
mi nthepenthouse,thenI
crumbleagainwhenIt hi
nkImayhav ebrought
amanhome.Ir eacht otheothersideofthebed
whereInot i
ceanot e,andIreadit.
"Zi
nhle,
youandyoursi
sterhavet
ot akebet
ter
careofyour
sel
f.Youwereluckyt
histime
around.
"
What
?
[
04/
18,
08:
13]Wdz:
Goodmor
ning!
[
52]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Crap, thi
snot ecoul dbef rom Sbu.He' sthel ast
per sonIr ememberspeaki ngto.Ithasn'teven
beenaweeksi nceIgott hisplaceandI '
ve
alreadybr okent heoner ul eIwasgi ven;noguy s
all
owed.Mycheeksf lushwi thembar r
assment ,
whathappenedl astnight ?Igot otheensui te
bat hroom anddr i
nkaf ewgl assesofwat erthen
Istandundert heshowerf orawhi l
easIt ryto
piecet ogetherthepr eviousnight '
shappeni ngs.
OnceI '
m done, Idrymybodyandwal kbackt o
thebedr oom.Il ookf ormyphone, may beSbu
cant ellmewhathappened.Idon' tfinditont he
bedsi detablesoIt hrowt hepil
lowsont hefloor,
l
ooki ngf oritont hebed.Thenot ef all
stothe
fl
oorandIkneel topicki tup,andi t
'sturnedt o
t
hebackpage,
andt
her
e'swr
it
ingt
her
easwel
l
.

"
Hydrat
e,goseeStevenandmakesur
ethe
munchki
nsareokay.
"
Ireadi tov erandov eragainunt i
l myv i
sionis
blurredf rom thetearsthathav ewel l
edupi nmy
eyes.Il ookar oundhopi ngt oseeanot hersi
gn
toassur emet hatI'
m notlosi ngmymi nd,but
not hi
ng.Ispr ingupi nexcitementandcar ef
ull
y
rundownt hest ai
rs.Ir
eacht hel oungeand
Ziyandai spassedoutf acedownononeoft he
couches.Ishakemyheadandwal ktothe
kitchent omakeusahear tybr eakfast.

*
*SI
YA*
*
ThedayIl
eftt
hev oicenoteforZinhle,Ihad
accept
edmyfate,full
yandcompl etely
.Ihad
madeallt
hepreparati
onsforZinhleandt he
twinst
oli
veacomf ortabl
eli
fewithoutme.Ihad
writ
tenl et terst omysi sterandmot herandal so
all
ocat edt hem wi thal umpsum t hatwoul dsee
them livecomf or t
ablyaswel l
.I nthosel etter sI
hadal soi ncludedi nf
ormat iononBr i
anandEv e
aswel l asat est i
moni al fort hepol ice.Ihadt o
barei nmi ndt hatt hepol icewoul dpr obabl ybe
onBr ianorEv e'spay roll
, soIhadt ot aket hi ngs
astepf urther .Isentoneofmycont actst o
deli
versomev aluableinf ormat iont ooneoft he
mostpower ful menIknow, Br ian'sf ather
Patrick.Thatpackagei ncl udedi ntel onhow
manymi ll
ionsBr ianhadst olenf r
om Pat rick' s
empi reov ert hey ears,recei pt sonsel l
ing
confident ialinfor mationt oPat ri
ck'sr i
vals, even
hisinvol vementi npl antingi llegal intel on
Patrick'sdat abasest hent ippi ngof f
newspaper s,blogsandt hel egal sy stem.Iknew
I'
dfindsomei nter esti
ngf act sifIdugdeep
enough, Ijustnev erassumedi twoul dbet his
bad.Icompi ledt hepackageandadded
somet hi ngf orBr ian'sbr otheraswel l.How
Br i
anassumedhisbr
other'
sidenti
tyand
fraudedmulti
mil
li
onRandcompani es,
andhow
technical
l
yBri
an'
sbrot
herisont hecontinent
'
s
undergroundmostwantedli
st.

Thatwasmyl ev erage,Iknewt hatt heywoul d

wantt okillmesoonerr atherthanl ater ,
soI
neededapl anBi nordert otaket hem down
from t hegr av e.Pat ri
ckt ookawhi l
etoaccept
hist woi llegitimat esons, Brian'sbr other;
Brandonknewwher ehi sbreadwoul dbe
butteredsoheear nedPat ri
ck'st rustandi snow
hispar t
neri nmanyofhi scompani es.Br ianon
theot herhand, threwawayev er yoppor tunity
present edt ohi m, andint hepr ocesssetoutt o
destroyhi sf at herslowl y.Ther easonwhyIsent
Patrickt hepackagei sbecauseknowi nghi m, I
wascer taint hatBr i
anwoul dn'tmakei ttot he
newy ear, Patr i
ckwoul ddef i
nitelywantt omake
anexampl eoutofhi m, soIincl udedsomei ntel
onEv e'sinvol vementaswel l
, j
ustt oensur et hat
t
hel
ovebi
rdsmadei
ttohel
latt
hesamet
ime.

Ihadbeent r
y i
ngt otrackEveandBrian's
l
ocat i
onsforal ongtime,wit
houtsuccess.I
couldn'
tdelveintoitthatmuchbecauseIwas
sti
ll
enjoyi
ngbei ngasoont obef at
her,andthat
wasmymi stake.Iletmyguarddownf ora
secondandt heycapi tal
i
zedonit.

Thedayt hatIsai dmygoodby et oZinhl

e,Iwas
cert
ai nthatitwasf orthelasttime.Ihadt he
major i
tyofmycont actsdispersedalloverthe
continentlooki ngforEv eandBr ian,
somewer e
assignedt ot akecar eofZinhleandherf ami l
y
andsoIdi dn'tpriori
ti
zemy sel
f,howcoul dI
though?Ical ledf orbackupt hatdayandt oldmy
contactst oki l
lmebef oreIgetabduct edand
tort
uredbyt hatv ul
tureBrian.
Onlytwoofmycont actswereav ai
l
ablethatday,
soIcoul donl ythi
nkofonei dea.Itoldthem to
meetmeatt heupcomi ngintersecti
onwi than
18wheel er.Iwant edt hem toshootatt hemen
whower efollowingmeandi ftheywer e
unsuccessf ulduet obei ngoutnumber ed,I
i
nstructedthem t onudgemycarof ft
her oadso
thatcouldbuymet i
met oescape, orifpush
camet oshov e,Iwant edthem todr i
llbul
letsal
l
overmybody .

Thingsdidn'tworkoutthatwaythough.Iwas
busywitht hevoicenotewhenIf el
tthef
ir
st
bull
etpiercethroughmyar m,thesecond
grazedmyneckwhi l
ethethi
rdhitmehardon
thechest.Iputmycaroncr ui
seandpull
edmy
pist
olfr
om t heseatnexttomeandshotat
anythi
ngt hatIcould.
Wear
ri
vedatt
heinter
sect
ionandthat
'
swhen
t
hemovi
ebegan.The18wheelercametopl
ay.
Mymenj umpedoutandshotatev er
y onewhil
e
oneofthem, Sakhi
letr
iedtohelpmeoutoft he
car.Hewascaughti nthecrossf
ir
eandwas
shotmulti
pletimes.Bythetimehereachedme
hecouldbarelytal
k,soIknewIhadt othi
nkfast.
Igrabbedmyphoneandt ookoutmyt r
acker
andshov editdownhist
hroat.Iri
ppedoffhi
s
shir
tandmadehi m wearmine.Iplant
edmy
walletwi
thallofmyessenti
alsinhispocket
s,
thenhegr abbedhol
dofmyhand.
Hi
m-"Hadeboss(
sor
ryboss)
"thenhet
ookhi
s
l
astbr
eat
h.
Myguy swer efightingal osi
ngbat tl
eandwer e
visi
blyout number ed, thenIdidthe
unimagi nable.IslashedSakhi le'
sfacewitha
pieceofshat t
eredgl ass.Iknewt hatBri
an
woul dwantconf i
rmat ionofmydeat handthat
they'dbothwantat rophyfortheirsuccesssoI
wasal mostcer t
aint hatthelapdogswoul d
transport"mybody "t othem.Ineededt omake
Sakhil
eunr
ecogni
zabl
esoI'
dbeabletousemy
tr
ackerinf
indi
ngwher
eexact
lyi
tistheywer
e
hi
ding.

Iranandcrawledint
hewor stphysi
calpositi
on
ever.Iwat
chedfrom afarasthe18wheel er
crushedmycaroncet hedriv
erhadbeenki l
led.
Ihadamomentofsi lenceforthement hatI
l
ostandslowlymademywayt osaf
ety
.

Ibrokeint
oSteven'
sbasementandusedt he
phonei nt
heret
osendanemer gencytext
.He
arr
ivedwithi
nminutesandther
estishist
ory.
Heputmeunderanest hesi
aandpatchedmeup,
Ionlycametoont heeveni
ngofthe31stand
thefir
stwordoutofmymout hwas"Zinhl
e"

Igather
edthel
atesti
ntelonherandfoundout
thatshewasatapart
yi nsomeestat
e.AndI
t
hought
;Notwit
hmybabiessti
ll
inher
.SoIdi
d
t
henextnat
ural
thi
ng,
Iwentthere.
Iwasl esst hanpleasedt ofindZi nhl
ei nsucha
state,Iwasev enangr i
erwhenIr eal
izedthat
shehadn' tbeendr inking.Whi chmeantshewas
drugged.Itt ookalotofr estraintnottobreak
thatdoctor'sneck, butIhadt ol ookatthe
biggerpicture.Zinhlewaspr obabl ystil
lbei
ng
foll
owed, soIcoul dn'tri
skinnocentpeopl e
gettinghurt.
IdugmyhanddownZi nhle'
sthroatprobingher
tothrowup, andshedid.Itwasn'tmyf i
rstti
me
beingi ncontactwit
hherst omachcont entsand
Itoldmy selfthati
tprobablywasn' tt
helast
eit
her .Zi
y andawasinanev enwor sest
ate,I
couldn'ttelli
fshewasdr unk,druggedorbot h
soIi nfor
medmycont act,theguywhosel ap
Ziyandawasoccupy i
ngt ofoll
owmehome.I
hadt osqueezeZi nhl
et hr
oughat i
nybathroom
window, luckil
ywewer eabl etoleavewhilesti
l
l
i
nonepeace.
Thatwasdoneanddusted,
nowcamet het
ime
toestabl
i
shwhodruggedZinhl
eandwhy.I
t'
s
crunchti
menow.
[
04/
18,
08:
13]Wdz:
[53]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
WakingZiy
andaupwasmor eofamissi
ont
han
Icoul
dhaveimagi
ned.I
twasli
keshewasina
coma,Ihadtosl
apherafewti
mes,but
event
ual
lyshewokeup.
Me-"
I'
vemadebreakf
astforus.Weshoul
deat
t
he.Getr
eadyt
oleave,Ineedtoseeadoct
or.
"
Shej
umpsupandr unst
owardsmestr
okingmy
tummyoverSi
ya'
smassivegownt
hatI
'm
wear
ing.
Her-"
Ifsomethi
ngiswrong,l
et'
sjustskip
br
eakfastandheadst
raightt
othedoct or
."
Shest
opsmid-sent
enceandbr
owsest
her
oom
i
nconfusi
on.
Her-"
Screwbreakf
ast
!Zinhl
e,wherear
ewe?
"
Sheopenshereyeswiderandwider
.
Il
aughathercrazyr
eact
ion,
becauseshe
seemsscaredbutmoreexci
ted.

Me-" Fi
rstl
yofall
,ther
e'snowayI'
m ski
pping
breakfast,
doy ouunderst
andhowI'v
eslaved
awayi nthekit
chenallmorni
ng.Besi
des,t
hese
greml i
nsneverpassupanopportuni
tytoeat,
I'
m starvi
ngaswespeak.Secondlyofall
,thi
sis
mypl ace."
Her
-"Shutup!Don'
tl
ie!
"
Sherunsaroundt hefir
stfl
oorlikeaheadl ess
chi
cken,scr
eami ngherlungsouti nexcitement.
Shetri
estoopent heguestrooms, butshe's
unsuccessf
ul.Ir
ealizethatI
'm goingtoneed
somest r
engthfortodaysoIheadt otheki t
chen
anddishupformysel
f.Iwatchfr
om afarasshe
touchesev
erypi
eceoffurni
turel
ikei
t'
streasur
e.

She'sst illrant i
ngandr av i
ngaboutt hehouse
andI '
m doneeat i
ngmybr eakf ast ,
al ltwo
helpings.Ideci det hatIshoul dt rylookf or
somet hingt oweari nSiya'scl oset .My
appear ancei st hel eastofmyconcer nsr i
ght
now, soi fIonl yf indanov ersizedt -shi rt
, I
'l
lbe
gladandgoodt ogo.Ineedconf i
rmat iont hat
themunchki nsar eokay , i
t'sbeenar oughf ew
day sandl astni ghti sstillablur .Thisi swhyI
hadr eser vat ionsr egardingt hepar ty ,peopl e
alway sspi kedr inks, butt hat '
swhyIper sonal ly
fetchedmyownj ui ce,Iwast ryingt opr event
thewor stf rom happeni ng.I tseemsl ike
Ziyandadi dn' tmakei toutscot chf r eeei ther,
sheseemst ohav enor ecol l
ect ionofl astni ghts
event satal l
, whi chi sev enwor set hanme.
Iwal kov ertoSi y
a'scl osetandscanmyf inger
ont hepad.If i
ndal l
oft hi
ssounnecessar y,
whatar epeopl egoingt odo?St ealhisdesigner
suits?Ir ol lmyey esast hedoor sslowlyslide
open.Iopenmymout hi naweoft hesizeoft he
closetandt heimmacul atelycol ourcoded
packedi temsofcl othing.Igoi nsideandper use
throughhi scoats,shirts,shoesandsoon.I
fi
nal l
yt urnmyat tentiont ot heot herhalfofthe
closetandI '
m surprisedt of indaf ewi t
emsof
clothingf orwomen.Theyt akeupl essthana
quar t
er ,ther estofther acksandshel vesar e
empt y .IfSi y
abongaNy athiisn'tdead, I
'
llkil
lhim
my selfift hesebel ongt oanot herwoman.

Itakeaf ewdr essesof ft

heracksandf i
ndt hat
theyst i
l
lhavet ags.Isnif
fthent r
yingt o
disti
nguishthesmal l
estwhiffofaf emal e'
s
perfume, butnothing.Ismil
et omy selfasI
smel lnothi
ngbutt hescentofnewcl othes.It
's
onlywhenIanal yzethem doIr eal
izet hatthese
arematerni
tydresses.Atearescapesmyeye
asItr
yonami nidress,i
tfi
tsl
ikeaglov
e,soI
l
ookatthetag, I
'
m cur i
ousastohowmuchi ti
s,
buti
nsteadIfi
ndsomet hi
ngwr i
tt
enonit.
"
Weart
hisathomeONLY"
Ilaughtomy self
,he'sstil
lmakingdemands
from wherev erheis.It'
srustandIl ovemy
refl
ecti
oni nthemi rr
or,soIdeci deI'l
lbreakthi
s
onel i
tt
lerule.Iwalkov ertotheshoer ackand
fi
ndaboutt hr eepair
soff lat
s.Slippers,sandal
s
andsneaker s, noheels.Idecideont hesandals,
andasIr aisemyheadt olookatmy selfone
l
astt i
me, IhearZiyandashoutmynamef r
om
thebedroom soIwal kov ertotheent ranceto
openf orher.
Me-"
Comei
nandt
akeashower
."
Her-"Zinhl
eyousaidthispl
acewasli
ttl
e.I
fthi
s
i
sy ourlit
tl
e,I
'
mt err
if
iedtoknowwhatyour
l
argei s.
"Shesayswhi l
eholdi
ngabanana
againstherundercarr
iage.
It
hrowadr
essather
.
Me-"Yanda,
cany
oustopwi
thy
oursexual
i
nnuendos?Weneedt
ogo."
Ipushhert
owar
dst
hebat
hroom.
Iwalkbacktotheclosetandpullapai
rof
l
eggingsandanov ersi
zedshirtf
orhertowear
andthepairofsneakers.It
hrowtheclot
heson
thebedandlookformyphone.
Ziy
andaemergesfrom t
hebathr
oom andl
ooks
thr
oughthecl
othesonthebed.
Her
-" Soyouwanttogooutlookingl
ikeacut
e
bal
lofsexywhil
eIwearthis?Awani
amaleggi
ngsZinhleKhumalo?(Whataret
he
l
eggingsforZi
nhleKhumalo?)
Il
aughasshewearst
heoversizedshi
rtandt
he
sneaker
sandt
ossest
heleggingsovertome.
Her-"
let
'sgo.I
'v
ebeendy
ingt
omeetmyni
eces
ornephews."
Shesay
sjumpi
ngi
nexci
tement
.Ihadf
orgot
ten
howmuchenergyZi
yandausedt
ohav
e,she
nev
erget
sti
red.
Igrabmybagandphoneandweheadout .
Ziyandacal l
sacab, becauseI 'mt oodi stracted
byt het extsthatar eswar mingi nmyphone.I t
's
onlywhenwe' reenr out etoSt even'ssur ger y
thatIr eali
zet hatIst i
llhav en'
tpeepedi nt he
garageatt hepent houset oseewhatf our
wheel edboxi swai ti
ngf orme.IguessIal so
j
usthav en'tbeeni nt hemood.Todayi st hef i
rst
ti
mei nawhi l
ewher eI '
vebeenabl etoexhal e
andr elax.Thatnot eint hebedr oom gav emea
gli
mmerofhopet hatatt heendoft hi
sv ery
darkt unnel,therei slight.Imaynotknowwher e
heisorhowhei s, butI '
m hopi ngagai nsthope
thathe' sstil
laliv
e.Idon' tknowhoworwhy
whathappenedt ohi m, happenedbutt hose
detail
sar etr
ivial
.Si yabongaNy athibetterbe
aroundt oseehi sbabi esbebor n.
Wear ri
veatSteven'
ssurgeryanditseemsas
thoughhe'sbeenwaiti
ngf ormyarri
val,
becausethere'
snooneel seinhi
sbuildi
ng
besideshi
m.
Him-"Zi
nhl
e,I'
vebeenworri
edallmor
ning.Ar
e
youokay?Experi
encedanycrampi
ngor
spot
ti
ng?"
Me-"
No,
ever
ythi
ngf
eel
snor
mal
.
"
Him-"Igaveyousomet hi
ngt ofl
ushoutany
remainsofwhateversubstanceyouwere
druggedwith.Atl
eastyout hr
ewuplastnight
,
sohopeful
lythesubstancewasn'tgi
vena
chancetodoanyhar m."
Zi
yanda-"
Drugged?Zi
,youwer
edr
ugged?
"
Me-"
Wel
l
,mydr
inkwasspi
ked.I
twasn'
t.
..
"
Ziyanda-"NoZinhl
e!Don'
tyouthi
nkthat
's
somet hingyoushoul
d'
vewokenmeupwi t
h.
HeyZi yandawakeup,Ineedtogotothedoct
or
urgentl
y ,mydri
nkwasspiked.
"
Zi
yandashout
sandramblesonandon,
unt
il
fi
nal
lySt
eveni
nter
venes.

I'
m ont hebedasSt evenperformst he
ult
rasoundwhi chseemsasi fi staki
ngf orev
er.
Ziyanda'seyesarelockedont hescr een,andI
smi l
etomy selfbecauseI'
m sogl adwe' ve
reachedt hi
spointinourrel
ationship,andshe
getstomeett hemunchki nsforthef ir
sttime.
Her
-"Themunchki
nsaresoador
able,buti
s
t
hei
rheart
beatmeantt
obethatfast
?"
Shet
urnst
ofaceSt
even.
Him-"150beatsperminut
eisperf
ect
,they
'r
e
ni
ceandstrong.YouhavenoideahowhappyI
am t
oseet hatthey
'r
efi
ne,ot
herwi
seIwas
goi
ngt odi
e."
Zi
yandaf
rownsandst
aresatSt
even.
Her
-"Theny
ousayt
hatI
'
m dr
amat
ic.
"
Il
aughasIseeSt
evenwi
pesweatdr
opl
etst
hat
haveaccumul
atedonhi
sfor
ehead.Heseems
tense.
Hi
m-"
Doy
ouwantt
oknowt
hesex?
"
Me-"
No!We'
l
lwai
t.
"
Ireall
ywantedtorecei
vethi
snewswithSiyai
n
theroom.Imaybehol dingont
oahopeless
dream, butt
hatmanownsmyhear t
,Ihaveno
choicebuttotr
ustinhim.

*
*SI
YA*
*
I
'vebeeni mpat i
entl
ywaitingforanupdatefrom
Stevenregar di
ngthebabies,butit
'staken
l
ongert hanIhadexpect ed.Iwantedt obe
presentdur i
ngtoday'sult
rasound,butI'
m done
putti
ngZi nhl
e'sli
feindanger,andit'
stimeI
wenttogopayEv eav i
sit
.

Neveri
nmywil
destdr
eamsdi
dIeveri
magine
t
hatI'
dbei
nthemiddl
eofawarwi
ththet
wo
peopleIwoul dhav etrustedwithmyl i
fe.What
dri
vesmei nsanei st hegreed,Ican'tstand
greedypeopl e.HadEv eaccept edthe
settl
ementt erms, ourmar r
iagewoul dhav e
beendi ssol
v edbynowandwe' dbothbel i
vi
ng
separatelives.Afterbet r
ayingme, shedi dn'
t
deserveacentf rom me, butIgav ehert he
benefitofthedoubt .R2mi ll
ionwoul dhav e
beenenoughf orhert oestabli
shher self
.WhatI
won'tdot houghi spayagr ownmanwi tha
smallerpackaget hanmi nebecausehewant s
tofeellikeaman.

Iwantt histobedonewi thsoIcanr eunitewit

h
myf ami l
y.I'
vetr
iangulatedthelocationofthe
savages, andI'
m preparingformaki ngmyway
there.Whent heyreali
zet hatt
heydon' thaveme
i
nt heircustody,t
hey'
llonlycomebackst r
onger
fortheirvengeance.BeforeImakemywayt o
thedeser tedwarehousei ntheoutskirt
soft he
North,Ilaughtomy self.Evehasr esortedto
l
iv
ingint
hemiddl
eofnowher
e?Befor
eImake
mywayther
e,It
hinki
t'
sti
meIpai
dSbuali
tt
le
vi
sit
.
[
04/
18,
08:
13]Wdz:
[54]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Me-"Isevery
thingokay?
"I'
vebarel
ymadeit
half
waythroughmypr egnancy,
yetIf
eel
that
's
theonlyquesti
onIseem toask.
Steven-"They '
reorgansaredevel
opingata
normal rateandt hei
rheart
beatsareper
fect
,
theydon' tseem tohavebeenaffectedf
rom l
ast
night'
sincident.Thedrugisnolonger
detectableinyoururine,
soitseemst obe
fl
ushedout .
"
Ibreat
heoutasi ghofr
elief
.Stev
enhandsmea
copyoft heul
tr
asoundandIsmi l
eathowf ast
mybabi esaregrowi
ng,thenIsayasi
lentpray
er
pl
eadingwi t
hGodt obr
ingSiyahomeinone
pi
ecesohecanwat
chhi
schi
l
drengr
ow.
Me-"
Thanky
ouSt
even.
"
Ist
anduptoleav
e,buthegrabshol
dofmyar
m
andst
aresdeepint
omyey es.
Him-"
Ziyanda,
pleasegiveusasecond.Ij
ust
wantt
oper f
orm anint
ernalexami
nati
on
qui
ckl
y."
Zi
yanda-"
Wai
t,It
houghty
ousai
dthatshe'
s
fi
ne.
"
Zi
yandafoldsherar
msacr ossherchestand
gi
vesStevenaninqui
sit
ivelook.
Me-"
Justgi
veusami
nut
eYandapl
ease.
"
Shest
aresatme,
thenf
inal
l
yhuf
fsandst
orms
out
.
Me-"What
'swr
ong?Wer
eyoul
yi
ngaboutt
he
babi
esbei
ngfi
ne?"
Iaski
napani
c.
Her
ubsmyshoul
der
sinanat
temptt
ocal
m me
down.
Him-"
Everyt
hingi
sfi
ne.Ij
ustneededt
otal
kto
youi
npriv
ate."
Iwi
denmyey
esi
ncur
iosi
ty.
Me-"
Okay
,what
'sgoi
ngon?
"
Him-"
Ican'
ttel
lyoumuch,
buthopef
ull
ythi
s
hel
pswit
hanyquesti
onsyoumayhave."
Hehandsmeanenvel
opeandIhol
dont
oitwi
th
t
rembli
nghands.
Him-"Youshouldr
eadthi
sher
eandnow, soi
t
canbedestroy
ed.Iwasal
soaskedthaty
ou
don'
tutterawordoft
hist
oanyone.
"
Inodandri
popentheenvel
opewhereIf
inda
fol
dedpi
eceofpapert
hatseemsl
ikealett
er.
I
treads:
"Tothemot herofmyki ds.Ihadtogoold
schoolandwr i
tealetter
,it
'stheonl
y
communi cati
onmet hodIt r
ustri
ghtnow.
There'
snot hingIcr av
emor ethant obei nyour
presenceagai n,butthere'
saf ewt hingsIneed
totakecar eof, y
oursafetybeingatt het opof
thatli
st.Pleaser ef
rai
nf r
om par t
iesf ornow,
j
ustunt i
l t
hismesshasbeenr esolved.Tellthe
munchki nsthatdaddyi sdy i
ngwi thoutthem.I'l
l
revealalli
nduet i
me, j
usttakecar eofy oursel
f
pleaseandI 'l
ltakecareoft herest.Don'ttrust
anyone, keepy ourguardupatal ltimes.
Il
ovey
ou,
nev
erdoubtorf
orgett
hat
."
Ireadi
toverandoveragai
n,t
henIholdt
henote
onmychestclosetomyheart.Icl
osemyeyes
andbreat
heal oudsi
ghofrel
i
ef.

St
evengentl
yshakesmyshoul
derandIj
ump
onhi
m giv
inghi
m abearhug.
Me-"
Thanky
ouSt
even.
"
Igi
vehim akissonthecheekandIseehi
s
cheeksf
lush.Il
etgoofhim andf
ixmydress.
I
'
m el
atedandIcan'
tst
opsmi
l
ing.
Stev
en-"Takecar
eofy
our
sel
f,I
'
llseey
ou
soon."
Ir
unoutt
oZi
yandaandwehaul
acabout
side.

Inthecar ,Ifinal
lytakeaf ewmi nutest or ead
throught hedozensoft extsonmyphone.The
maj orityoft hem ar efrom Sbu, Iev enhav e
voicemessagesf rom hi m.Afterl i
steningt o
them, Iheart heconcer nandf rustrationi nhis
voice, soIdeci dei t'
sbestt hatIhav eaf acet o
faceconv ersat i
onwi thhi minst ead.I'm mor e
thanembar rassedov erl astni
ght ,buthewasn' t
exact l
ysoberandbehav i
ng,sowe' rebot hgui lt
y.
Ialsohav etosetsomecl earboundar ies, I
under standt hathemayhav ebeeni ntoxi cated,
butdr unkornothe' sjustaf ri
end, phy sical
cont actout sideoft heconsul tat i
onr oom i s
i
nappr opri
at e.I'
llhavet ofacehi m sooneror
l
ater ,andI '
mi nagoodmoodr ightnow, nothing
andnoonecanbur
stmybubbl
e.

Igi
vethedri
vert
headdr
esstoSbu'
ssurgery
andIsi
tbackasZiy
andahasanannoyedlook
wri
tt
enallov
erherf
ace.
Wef inal
lyarr
iveatt helocat
ion,andItell
Ziyandatostayint hecar,I'
m gl
adsheobl iges,
becauseI '
m notinthemoodf oranyquest i
ons.
Imakemywayi nsideandi t
'sprett
yquietinside,
andempt yaswell.IwalktoSbu' sconsult
ation
room andf i
ndthedoorwi deopen.Myhear t
start
sleapingoutofmychestasIhearl oud
bangsf r
om objectsf l
yi
ngt otheground.Icov er
mymout hwithmyhand, becauseIdon'twant
tomakeasound, butI '
m shockedt oseewhat
happensnext .

Sbupoundi
ngawomanonhi sdesk.Hetosses
ever
ythi
ngonthefl
oorashet
ormentsherwith
hi
smember .Ibi
temybott
om l
i
pasmyi nsides
warm upyearni
ngforsomesexual heal
ing,I
snapoutofitandconcludethatmyhor mones
aret
oblame.Thescr eamsar eloudandf amil
iar
.
ThenIcat
chagl impseofherf ace,
Ev eandthe
fr
ownofsexual pl
easureplast
eredonherf ace.

*
*SI
YA*
*
I'
vedeci dednottopaySbuav i
sitaf
terall
,I
'l
l
i
nst ructoneofmyguy stodoi t
.Ihavebigger
fi
sht of r
y,thesi
gnalofthetr
ackerisbecomi ng
weaker ,andI'mfl
yi
ngint hecartotheNor th.I
planonshar i
ngmylocationwhenIar r
ivesoI
cangetsomebackup, someofmyguy sare
alreadywi t
hincl
oseproximit
yoft hewarehouse.

Iarri
veandimmedi atel
ysendmyl ocat
ion.Isay
asilentpr
ayertoGodaski ngforfor
giv
eness
forwhatI'
m abouttodo, I
'
m alsobeggi
nghi m
thatImakeitoutaliv
e.Ican'twai
tanylonger,
soIgr abmypistol
anddeci detothr
owcaut i
on
tothewindandmakemywayi nsidethe
abandonedwarehouse.I'
m at
tackedbytwo
ment hatImanagetotakedownt henIr
un
i
nside.

Ihearfoot
stepsbehindme,andasI '
m aboutto
shoot,
Ireal
izethati
t'smyguys.Theysignalt
o
eachothertoentert
heseparaterooms,andI
si
gnalthedirect
ionI
'
m goingin.

Somethingisamissher e.Idon'
tcomei nto
cont
actwi t
hanyoneel se,anditseemst obe
empty.Icomeacr ossar oom withli
ghtandII
char
get owardsit
,onlytof i
ndSakhil
eont he
fl
oorwithmyt r
ackerbesi dehi
m.
It
hrowmyhandsupi
nfr
ust
rat
ion.
Shi
t!
[
04/
18,
08:
13]Wdz:
[55]
*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Eve'sdebaucher yknowsnobounds.Mymi nd
raceswi t
hunanswer edquest i
ons.Mymout h
driesupandIst artfeel i
ngl ightheaded.It ake
deepbr eathsinandoutt henIsl owl yreach
downt otakeof fmysandal s,whileEv e'
smoans
piercethroughmyear s.IhearSbugr untloudly
andcommentonhowgoodshei s.IknowIkept
quietaboutEv eandBr ian, butthisIcan' tkeep
i
n.Icr ouchdownandcar efullytakeoutmy
phone.Icl i
ckawayt hr ought hesmal lpeephole,
butIremembert hatIcan' tcallSiya.Theonl y
waywecancommuni catei st hroughSt even,
butaf t
erhidingmypr egnancyf rom mef orso
l
ong, Idoubtt hatIcanf ullyt r
ustt hatman.

Itakemybagandrunoutj
ustasIhearEv
esay
"t
akemeagainstt
hedoor.
"
AssoonasIgeti
nthecarIt
ellt
hedri
vert
o
dr
ive,
whi
leItr
ytocat
chmybr eat
h.Zi
yanda
giv
est hedriv
erourhomeaddr essandbl owsin
myf ace,becauseI'
m star
tingtohyperventi
l
ate.
Mybr eathi
ngisfinal
lyundercontr
oland
Ziyandahasal otofquesti
ons,butthankful
ly
shedoesn'tvoicethem outimmediatel
y .

Wef i
nall
yarri
veathomeandYandahel psme
outofthecar.Weent ertheKhumal or
esidence
andfi
ndmom r unni
ngar oundinthehouse.
She'
swear i
ngoneshoe, adressthati
sn't
zi
ppedwhi l
eshet ri
esclaspingherwri
stwatch
andherdiamondneckl ace.

It
'sonl
yafterafewmi nut
esthatshereal
izes
thatZi
yandaarejuststar
ingather
.Shestops
andthrowsherhandsi ntheai
rinfr
ustr
ation.
Her-"Wherethehel
lhavey
outwobeenvele?
Youdidn'tbot
hercal
li
ngme,Ial
mostcal
l
edt he
pol
ice!"
Ziy
andajustl
aughsandwalkst
owardsher.She
zi
psupmom' sdressandcl
aspsherdi
amond
neckl
ace,t
henshespinsmom ar
oundtoface
her.
Ziy
anda-"Mom,we'r
ef i
ne.WesleptatZi
nhl
e's
newplace,shewant
edt oshowmear ound.
Let'
stal
kaboutyouthough.Whereareyouoff
to?"
Ziy
andaasksasshefol
dsherarmsacr
ossher
chestandanal
yzesmom f
rom t
optobott
om.
Mom shy
'sawayandwal
kst
oherr
oom.
Her
-"Hav
eyout
woseenmyot
hershoe?
"
Il
aughandshakemyhead.
Mom emergesfrom herroom wear
inganew
pai
rofshoesthatIhaven'
tseeninhercl
oset
bef
ore.
Mom-"I'
m meet
ingthel
adi
esfrom t
hestokv
el
tor
evi
ewourcodeofconductandvotef
ora
newchai
rper
son."
Ican'
thel
pbutl
aughathowanxi
ousand
exci
tedmom i
sfort
his"
stokv
elmeet
ing"
Zi
yandaandIeyeherev
erymov
eandshe
fi
nal
lyt
urnsar
ound.
Mom-" What?Don'tIlookokay
?Actuall
yit
doesn'tmatt
er,Idon'
tneedtolookglamorous
oranythi
ngright?Wellyougi
rl
sdon'tneedto
waitupforme, youknowhowt hesethi
ngscan
dragforhours.
"
Sherunstomeandkissesmeont hecheek
whil
erubbi
ngmystomach,thenshejogsto
Zi
yandaandki
ssesherontheforehead.
Mom-"
Ilov
eyouguy
s!"
Sheshout
sasshel
eav
es.
Ziy
andaandIl ookateachot hert
henburstout
i
nlaughter.Wef i
nal
lycal
m downandr etr
eatto
ourrespecti
verooms,Ziyandawantstotakea
nap,andIneedt ocall
Steven,hopef
ull
yhecan
getmei ncontactwit
hSiya.
Ical
lnumeroustimes,
butt
onoav ai
l
.SoIlay
onmyback, Ial
soneedapowernap,If
eel
exhaust
ed.
I
'm wokenupbyZi
yandat
ickl
i
ngal
lov
ermy
body.
Me-"
Ziy
andaI
'
m goi
ngt
opeeonmy
sel
f!
"
Iscr
eam asIl
aughuncont
rol
l
abl
y.
Her
-"Come,
let
'sgo!
"
Ishakemyheadandcovermyheadwit
ha
pil
l
ow.Yandashovesi
toffandt
ugsatmyl
egs.
Her
-"Ineedy
out
odomeasmal
lfav
or.
"
Me-"
Okay
,tomor
row.
"IsayasIsnor
eloudl
y.
Her
-"No,
Ineedy
ourhelpnow!Wakeup,
Ineed
t
otell
yousomet
hing!
"
Ir
aisemyheadandgi
veherabor
edl
ook.
Me-"
WhatZi
yanda?
"
Iaski
nanannoy
edt
one.
Her
-"Imetsomeoneaf ewweeksagowhileI
wasabroad,
andwellhe'scometoSout
hAf r
ica
t
opaymeav i
sit
.He'
sgoi ngbackt
omorr
ow."
Me-"Okay
,hav
eagr
eatt
ime.I
'
lll
ockupaf
ter
you.
"
Her-"
No, Zi
nhle!Heaskedmet ocookhima
tr
adit
ionalhomecookedmeal ,i
t'
stheleastI
candoaf t
erhe'senduredhour
sofflyi
ngjustto
seemef orafewhour s."
Iopenmyey
eswi
der
.
Me-"Whatwi
l
lumamasayabouty
ouwini
ng
anddini
ngamani
nherdi
ningr
oom?"
Shebi
tesonherbot
tom l
i
p.
Her-"
Actuall
y,t
hat'
swhereyoucomein.Since
youhavethatgorgeouspad,
maybeIcould
borr
owtheki t
chen?Anditwoul
devengivey ou
anopportuni
tytomeethim."
Igi
veherabl
ankst
are.
Me-"Ziy
anda, you'
reputt
ingmeinan
uncomfort
ablesi t
uat
ion.OneofSi
ya'
slast
wisheswast hatIdon'
tbringmeni
ntothe
house.I
'm sorr
y ,
Ican'
t."
Her-"Comeon!He'
l
lbemyguest,andi
fyou'
re
r
eallyuncomf
ort
abl
e,I
'l
lj
ustgooutsomewhere
wit
hhi m."
Shehol
dsmyhandandki
ssesi
tal
lov
erand
showsmeherpl
eadi
ngey
es.
Me-"
Whoi
sthi
sguy
?Doy
out
rusthi
m?"
Shej
umpsont
hebedi
nexci
tement
.
Her-"Hisnamei sBrandon,he'
samazi ng.He'
s
shower edmewi thgif
tsandgivenmehi stime
andaf f
ection.Now,he'
scomeal lthi
sway
becauseSky pejusti
sn'tenoughanymor eand
wewantt ohaveaseriousconversat
ionabout
ourfuture.
"
Me-"
Wow,
it'
sthatser
ious?
"
Shenods.
Her
-"It
hinkhe'
stheone.
"
Isi
ghl
oudl
y.
Me-"Okay ,wecangot ot hepent house,buthe'
ll
onl
yeatcanapésandt henhe' ll
takey ouout.He
won'tgoany wherenearupst air
soranyoft he
guestroomsont hef i
rstfloor.Hei sonl
ytochill
i
nt heloungeorthekitchen, assoonasIf eel
uncomf or
tableI
'm cal
lingt hepolice,
no
questi
onsasked."
Shej
umpsaroundi
nexci
tementandat
tacks
mewithahug.

We'reonourwayt othepent houseandIreali

ze
thatI
'm uneasyaboutZiyanda'sguest
,soI
bracemy sel
fforherreacti
ontowhatI'm about
tosay.
Me-" Yanda,
I'
m sor
rybutIcan'tbeokaywith
yourguestcomingover.I
'm onedge,especi
all
y
sinceIwasrecentl
ydrugged.Canyouguy sj
ust
gooutr
ather
?"
Shef
rownst
henshesmi
l
es.
Her
-"I
t'
sokay
,Iunder
stand.
"
Shesqueezesmef
rom t
hesi
de.

Wear ri
veatthepent
houseandmakeourway
i
nside.Iunl
ockaguestroom downstai
rsfor
Ziyandawhil
eIgoupstai
rstochangeintoSiya'
s
gown.Myhor monesareall
overtheplace,al
lI
wantishim ontopofme.Isnif
fhisgownasI
drapeitonmynakedbodyandIl ayonthebed
anddozeof f
.
I
'm wokenupbyascr
eamingZiyanda.Ispr
ing
of
fthebedandti
ethebel
tofthegown.
Her -"
ImissedyousomuchBr andon!Comei
n!
Zinhle!
"Sheshoutsfrom downstai
rsandher
voiceechoesthroughoutthehouse.
Sosheal
lowedherguesttocomeintomy
housewi
thoutmypermissi
on?Iwalkdownt
he
st
air
sandZi
yandar
unst
ome.
Her-"
Her eal
l
ywant edt
omeety ou.I
'
m sorr
y,
butBrandonli
ter
all
ybeggedtoseeyou,I
'
llj
ust
putmyshoesonandwe' lll
eave.
"
Sheki
ssesmeont
hecheek.
Her
-"Br
andon,
thi
sismysi
sterZi
nhl
e."
Het
urnsar
oundandIgaspi
nshock.
Me-"
Bri
an?
"
ImanagetosayasIf
eel
war
mli
qui
drundown
mylegs.
[
04/
18,
08:
14]Wdz:
Steal
itke!I
'
myouregg,
fry
me.

[
56]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Il
i
ckmyl
i
pst
hathav
esuddenl
yshr
ivel
edup
andslowl
ytur
naroundtorunupthest
air
s.I
bar
elymakeitt
othesecondfl
oorwhenIfeel
hi
shandstugontomyhair.
Him-"I
'
m goingtobeniceandI
'
m goingtohel
p
youdownstair
s.Don'
ttr
ymyagain.Rel
ax,I
'
m
notgoi
ngtokilly
ou..
yet
!"
Hehel psmedownt hestair
sandwal ksahead
ofmeasZi yandaat temptst or unt oherguest
room.Hey anksherar m andt hr owsheront o
thefloorandshescr eamsoutl oudi npai n.My
mindi stooconsumedwi t
ht ryingt ogetoutof
hispresence,thatIdon'tpayat tentiont othe
factthatI'
m wet .I'
mt oofri
ght enedt olook
downmyl egsandchecki fit'
sbl oodt hat
rusheddownt hem, becausei fIf indoutt hati
t
i
sIknowt hatI'l
llosemymi ndt hent herewill
defi
nitel
ybenohopeofget tingoutofher e.My
babieshav etobeokay ,t
heyj usthav etobe.
Isl
owlyt
urnar
oundandatt
empttomakemy
waytoanot
herguestr
oom i
nhopesoff
indi
nga
panicbutt
on,butIhearagungooffthat
star
tlesmeandhasmehol di
ngont
ot herai
l
s
fordearl
if
e.IhearZiyandascr
eam.

Her
-"Br
andon,
whatt
hehel
li
swr
ongwi
thy
ou?
"
Sher
unstomysi
deandhelpsmesi
tont
hel
ast
st
epoft
hespi
ral
i
ngstai
rcase.
I'
m sobbingquietl
yandhol di
ngontomy
stomacht i
ghtl
yasIl ookatmyshi v
eringlegs.I
tryt
ocont rol
mybr eathi
ngandI t
'sthenthatI
real
izethatIpeedonmy self
.Zi
yandastrokes
mybackandki ssesmyt ummyt henshet urns
herattent
iontoBr i
an.
Her-"
BrandonEvans,
getoutoft
hishouser
ight
now,orI'
l
lcal
lthepol
ice.
"
Shesaysinanaut
hor
it
ati
vet
oneasshe
char
gesforhi
m.
Iscr
eam outaf
terhert
otell
hertositdown,we
don'
tknowofBrian'
scapabi
li
ti
es,andri
ghtnow
hel
ooksli
keamanonami
ssi
ont
hatshoul
dn'
t
bedi
stur
bed.
Brian-"
I'
m nother
ef oryouhoney,andifyou
knowwhat '
sgoodf oryou,youshouldprobabl
y
takeaseatandshutt hehel
l up!
"
Heshout
sashepoi
ntst
hegunatYanda.

Sherunst
omysi deandlay
smyheadonher
chest
,asshest
rokestummyandmyback.
Her
-"Zinhlebreat
he,
rememberthosetwol
iv
es
i
nthere,Iplanonmeeti
ngthem i
nfourmont
hs
noexcuses."
Shewhi
sper
swi
thherv
oicebr
eaki
ng.
Brian-"AsmuchasIl ovewatchingy out wo
cuddl e,Imustsayi t
'sreall
yheartwar ming.
Howev er,Idon'thaveti
mef orthis.Getupand
sitov erthere.Bythewaysweet f
ace, Imustsay,
youl ookabsol utel
yravishi
ng.
"Hesay sashe
analysesmyent i
rebodyandbl owsaki ssatme.
Irol
lmyey esandhuffi
nfrust
rat
ion,thi
sman
i
smer el
yashellofwhoBri
anwas, oratl
east
whoIthoughthewas.
Ziyandahelpsmeupandwewal ktot
hedining
room, shehelpsmesitononeofthechair
sand
shesitsbesidesme.I'
vebecomeso
uncomf ort
ableasthewetdressi
nwearing
cli
ngst omyt hi
ghs

Bri
antakesoffhi
sblazerandthr
owsi tonthe
ki
tchencount
er.Heroll
supthesleevesonhis
shi
rtwit
houtl
osingeyecontactwit
hme, then
heslowlymakeshiswaytowardsmewi t
hhis
gunintow.
Me-" Br
ian,pl
easedon'thurtmepl eeaaaase!
"I
pleadwithhim ast
earsr ushdownmyf ace.He
givesmeawi desmi l
eunt il
he'sj
ustaf ew
centi
met er
sawayf r
om myf ace.
Me-"
Bri
an,pl
easecanIgocl
eanmysel
fup.I
pr
omiseIwon'
tdoanythi
ngst
upi
d."
Hechuckl
esl
oudl
y.
Hi
m-"YouknowthatIdon'tmi
ndy
ouinany
st
ate.
"Hesaysashekissesmeonthecheek.
Ziy
anda-"Whatthehel
li
sgoingonher
e?How
doy out
woknoweachot her
?Zinhl
ewhyar
e
youcall
i
nghim Bri
an?"
Sheshout
sfr
ant
ical
l
yinahi
ghpi
tchedv
oice.
Bri
an-"
Zinhl
eshutupyourchi
huahua,orI
'l
lbe
for
cedtodoso!"Theaut
hori
tyinhi
sv oi
ceis
enoughformenottoaskanyquesti
ons,butt
o
doasI'
mt ol
d.
Me-"Zi
yanda,
I'
ll
expl
ainl
ater
."It
ryt
opl
eadwi
th
her
.
"
Let
'st
rygetoutoft
hissi
tuat
ionf
ir
st.
"
Iwhi
spert
oher
.
Bri
ansl apsmehar dacrossmycheek,andI
swearIseest ars.Icl
osemyeyesinanattempt
tobreathethroughthephysi
calandemoti
onal
pai
n, butthenIfeelhi
shandssqueezemy
knees.Ishootmyey esopenandIseehi
m
star
ingatmyl i
tt
lebump.Heplantsaki
sson
mynav elandstr
okesmybel l
y.
Hi
m-"
Sotheseli
tt
leguy
sweresupposedtobe
mi
ne,
butyouhadtogoint
ofor
biddenter
ri
tor
y."
Heshakeshi
shead,
andIgaspoutinshock
whenIseehi
m pr
esshi
sgunagainstmy
st
omach.
Me-"
Bri
an,
please!Pl
eeeaaase!
"
Icryoutastear
sandmucusf
rom mynose
fl
oodmyf ace.
Me-"
I'
ll
doany
thi
ng,
IswearI
'
lldoany
thi
ng!
"
Ziyandai
scr
yingoutaswel
landhercheeksar
e
red.
Itakedeepbr
eathsi
nandoutasIpr
aytoGod
tosparethef
ourofus,
Ziy
anda,
mykidsand
my sel
f.
ThenIhearBr
iancockhi
sgunonmybell
y.I
l
ookaway ,
andhepull
smyfacetol
ookathi
m.
Hi
m-"Iwanttoseeyourf
acewhenItaket
he
mostpreci
oust
hingfr
om thei
nvi
nci
ble
Si
yabongaNyat
hi.
"
Me-"
Pl.
..
plea.
..
pleeeaaassssee!
"
Hi
m-"
Shutup!
"
Ibi
teonmyl
i
pandj
ustst
areathi
mindef
eat
.
IhearZiy
andajumpof fherseatandcharge
towardsBri
an,thenIhearhisgungooff.Ishut
myey esbecauseI'
m notreadyfort
hesightthat
await
sme.

*
*SI
YA*
*
I
'vebeenmaki ngphonecallafterphonecal
l
try
ingtobeefupsecur i
tyforZinhleandher
famil
y ,
aswellasmi ne.Mymi ndi si
nami l
li
on
dif
ferentpl
aces,butmymai nconcernisZi
nhle,
becauseIknowt hatshe'sthemai ntar
getnow.
Imakemywaytothepenthouse,butit
'st
aki
ng
l
ongert
hanI
'dli
kebecausethatwarehousewas
j
ustsodamnfar
.

Mymi ndwonder soffwhenIr ecei

veareportof
shotsf i
redinthepent house.Itryt
ologontot he
survei
llancesystem i
nt hehouse,butI
'
m
unsuccessf ul
.I'
mt r
yingt okeepmyey esont he
road,butI '
m al
sotryi
ngt orescuemyfamily
simultaneously.Imakeaf ewphonecalls
beforeIr eachthepent houseandloadmy
bull
etsi nmyguns.

Idecidetoent
erthr
oughthegar
age,
ift
his
savagehasbackupthenmybackupwil
ldeal
wit
hhi s.
Icockmygunsandmaket heagonizi
ngjourney
i
nside.Iwalksl
owlyint
othegarageandpast
theunusedcar.Imakemywayupt hest
airsto
thefi
rstf
loor,
butthenI'
m st
oppedinmyt racks
whenIhearagunshot
.
Shi
t,I
'
mtool
ate.
[
04/
18,
08:
14]Wdz:
[57]

*
*SBU*
*
Hi,I
'm SbusisoNgcobo.I '
m aspeci ali
zed
ob/gynandIl ov emyjob.Idon'thav emuchofa
family,
mypar entsdi
edwhenIwasj ustaboy,
andIhadt oputmy sel
fthroughschool when
mygr andmot herwhohadbecomemyguar di
an,
passedaway .I'
vebeenabroadf oryears,butI
decidedt ocomebackhomet ofulfi
llmylong
ter
m dr eam ofopeningapubl i
cclinicwith
advancedt echnologyandtreatment s.

AfewweeksagoImetZi nhleKhumalo,andI
wassmitt
en.Wejustcli
cked,i
tfel
tli
keIhad
knownherfor
ever.Shehasawickedsenseof
humorandshealsolaughsatmydr yj
okes
whi
chisal
waysapl us.Whatwassurpr
isi
ng
waswhathappenedonceZinhl
elef
t.
Afei stytallandsl enderwomanwal kedi nand
l
ockedt hedoorbehi ndher .Shecatwal ked
towar dsmeandwal kedar oundmydeskunt i
l
shewasj ustmer elycentimetersawayf rom me.
Iattempt edt oopenmymout h,butIf eltli
keI
wasi nthet wil
ightzone.Shesatonmydesk
withherl egswi deopen, oneonei t
hersi deof
mychai r.Shewaswear i
ngt heshor testdressI
thi
nkI 'veev erseen, soinherposi t
ion, shelef
t
nothingt ot heimagi nat
ion.
Herey esweredarkandmy st
eri
ous,hershort
haircoil
edinashortpi
leonherhead.Sheflung
hershoesacrosstheroom andtrav
ell
edher
slenderlegal
lovermygroi
n,whichimmediately
respondedtohersensuoustouch.
Me-"
Whoar
eyou?What
'sgoi
ngon?
"
Her
-"Ssshhh"
Thenshest
raddl
edme,
andt
her
ewasno
t
urni
ngback.Ther
estaswesaywashi
stor
y.

Ithoroughl yenj oy edev erylast i

ngsecondof
thatexper ience, Ihadnocompl aints
what soev er.Notunt ilthesecondv i
sitIr eceived
from themy sterywoman.Sheshowedup, andI
remembermyshaf triset oat tent ionatt he
mer esi ghtofher .Shel ockedt hedoorbehi nd
herandst ruttedal lthewayt owar dsme, just
l
iket hepr ev i
oust ime.Shesatonmyl apand
startedgr indingagai nstmyr ockhar dcrot ch.
Shet henpul ledoutacel lphoneandpl ay eda
videoofoursexual encount er .Ipushedherof f
myl apandshenar rowedherdar ky etinnocent
ey esatme.Sheexpl ainedt hatwat chingher sel
f
i
nasexactar ousedherbey ondbel iefandshe
want edt ot akeoursexual escapadesast ep
further.Mymi ndwasagai nsti t
, butmybody
gav ein.Sheknewwhi chpar tofmybodyt o
l
ingerhersof tandsuccul entl i
pson.Her
var i
ousposi ti
onsandadv ent urousspi ritgav e
mear unformymoney .I
twasmagi cal
and
passi
onate,i
twasnowherenearmakinglov
e,i
t
wasscrewingeachother
'sbr
ainsoutandI
l
ovedeverymi nut
e.

Oncewewer edone, shebr i

eflyintroduced
herself.Apparent l
yshe' sZinhle'sestranged
oldersisterZiyanda.Shehadbeen
unsuccessf ulinherat tempt sofget t
inghol dof
Zinhle,andsher eallywant edt or econcile.She
wasnol ongert hesameconf identwomant hat
hadj ustrodemel ikeabi cycle,shebecame
vulnerableandmi ser able,Iendeduphav i
ngt o
comf orther,thatsi ghtr eall
ymademyhear t
bleed.Somehowsheper suadedmet oconv i
nce
Zinhleintogoi ngtol unchwi t
hme, andsowe
did.Ziyandat oldmet hatshewant edmet oget
asmuchi nf
ormat ionaboutZi nhleaspossi bl
e
sot hatshecoul df igur eoutawaybacki nto
Zinhle'
sl i
fe.Icommendedheronher
determi nati
ont oreconci l
ewi thhersi ster,soI
hel
pedwher
eIcoul
d.

Oureni gmat iclov eaf faircont i

nuedandshe
i
nv i
tedmet oani nt i
mat eNewYear 'sEv epart
y,
whichIwasexci t
edt oat tend.Af tershe
pleasuredmei nthecarr idet ot heest ate,we
arri
vedi nhighspi r
its.Iwassur pr isedt osee
Zinhleinaf arcor neral one, stuffingherf ace
withallthef oodav ailabl e,andy etshest i
ll
l
ookedr avi
shi ng.Zi yandai nt errupt edmyl ust
ful
thought sandpul l
edmet othesi dewher eshe
proceededt oper formf el l
atioonme.Shewas
alway sready !Iwat chedf rom af arasZi nhle
walkedt othebarandt hati swhenZi yanda
shov edagl assofj uicei nmyhandand
i
nst r
uctedmet oswopi twi thZi nhl e'
s.
Appar entl
yshespi kedt hebev er ageswi tha
l
ittl
esomet hi ngt ogett hepar tyst arted,butnow
shewasconcer nedaboutt het wi nsi nZinhle'
s
bell
y.Ihesitat edatf irst, butshephy sicall
y
pushedmeont oZi nhle, andt hat 'showI
"bumped"intoher.IlookedatZi yandainthe
backgroundandswopedt hedrinkswhenIsaw
Ziyandafl
ashheriPadwi t
hourinfamousv ideo
plaster
edont hescreen.Im notonef or
blackmail
,butshehadani ncr
iminati
ngv i
deoof
meandIhadnoi deawhatherpl answere
regardi
ngit.

ThisiswhyIt ookhert ot hedancef l

oor,justto
ensurethatshewasokay ,butshedisappear ed
fortherestoft henight.Ziyandawasr ather
annoy edthathersisterjustleft
,butIwasmor e
annoy edatthatv i
deothatshewasf lashing
around,soIgr abbedherandi twastimet ohav e
aser i
ousconv ersati
onwi thher.
Appar
entl
ysheonlydiditbecauseshewanted
tosav
ehersist
erandthet wins,
besidesshe
morethanapol
ogi
zedinoneoft heguest
roomsatthemansion.
Icouldbarelysl
eeporconcent rateonanyt
hing
otherthanZinhle,shejustdi
sappearedwit
hout
awor d.It
'snowt hefir
stdayoft henewyear
andI'm goingtotheof f
ice.
Ihaveafewt estr
esul
tsthatwil
lbearri
vi
ng
today
,andsinceIgaveeveryonethedayoff
,I'
l
l
betheonereceivi
ngthem.
Iarri
veatt hesurgeryandI'm surpr i
sedtofi
nd
myof ficedooropen, Iusual
lyalway slockit
.I
opent hedoorwi derandIf i
ndZiy andabent
overandl ookingthroughmymedi ci
necabinet
.I
getdistractedforasecondbyhersmal lr
ound
bottom, butthenIremembert hatsheshoul dn'
t
beinher e,letal
oneany wherenearmycabi net
thatislockedatalltimes.

Iclearmythr
oatandshejumpsupi nshock.
Shet ur
nst
of acemeandlicksherl
ipsasshe
sl
owl ywal
kstowardsme.Shecircl
esherarms
aroundmyneckandnibbl
esonmyear .Ipul
l
away
.
Me-"Zi
yanda,whati
sgoingonhere?Whatar
e
youdoi
nginmyof fi
ce,
andmoreespecial
l
y,
whatar
ey oudoingi
nmycabinet?
"
Her-"
Icametosurpr
iseyou.Yousai
d
somethi
ngyest
erdayaboutbei
ngintheof
fi
ce
today
,soher
eIam. "
Witht hatsheattacksmewi thapassi onateki ss
whileherhandr eachesf ormyal r
eadyhar d
member .Iwanttost opher ,
butsheknowst he
buttonst opushandhowt omakemef eel good.
I'
m amanwhoseneedshav en'tbeenmeti n
mont hs,sot hi
sfantasythatI'vebeenl i
ving,has
providedmewi t
hanewl easeonl i
fe.I'vebeen
soabsor bedi nmycar eerandhel pingot her s
thatI'
v eneglect
edhel pi
ngmy self
.I'
v eonl ybeen
i
nl oveonceandshebr okemyhear t.
AfterwardsIdabbl edincasual rel
ationshi ps
whichwoul dn'
tl
ast ,
becauseofmyt raveling,
butnowt hatI'
vesetmyr ootsbackher ein
Sout hAfri
ca,it
'stimet hatInur sedmyf eel
ings,
Zinhlewasagr eatstart,butZi yandahas
rev i
vedasenseofadv ent ureinme.Wi thZinhle
Ihadopenedmyhear t
, butwasdi smally
disappoint
edl earningthatt hef atherofherkids
wasst il
lafactor,nowZi yandai signit
inga
spar ki
nmet hathaddi edoutl ongago.Iknow
thismaynotbel ovewi thZi yanda, butwhatever
i
ti s,I
'm wi
ll
ingt oexplorei t
.
Soinsteadofhert aki
ngt hel
ead,Ideci
dethat
i
t'sti
met oshagheri ntosubmissi
on.I
understandthatshethinksI'
m weak,butnone
ofthatmat t
ersri
ghtnow.I '
ll
showherwhoI
real
lyam, she'
ll
bescr eamingmyname, andup
fi
rstismydesk.

*
*EVE*
*
Hi
,mynamei sYvetteKhany
isi
leNyat
hi.Wif
eto
Si
yabongaNyat
hi,andupcomingbusi
ness
mogulinmyownr i
ght.WhenImetSiyabonga,
I
wast rul
ybroken.Thel oveofmyl ifehadl ef
tto
pursueacar eerov erseas.Iwast of ol
lowhi mi n
thecomi ngmont hs,butthenIf oundoutIwas
pregnant.Ababywasn' ti
nourpl ansandwe
agreedthatwe' donlyexplorethatatl east5
yearsdownt hel i
ne,somypr egnancywasa
shockandaset back.Heendedupnotsendi ng
memoneyf ormyv i
sa'sorpasspor t.He
disappeared, andignoredmyef fortst ogethold
ofhi m.Hisfat herwarnedmemul tipletimest o
stayawayf rom hi sson.ThenImetSi ya,hewas
caringandki ndandf i
nanciall
yest ablished.I
neededt hemoneyt ogetr idofthebabyand
takecareofmyf amilysoIent ertainedhi s
advancesandensur edmyf ut
ureasMr sNy at
hi.

Hewasnev eraround,alwayschasingthenext
mil
li
onRanddeal ,expecti
ngmet obet hedoting
housewif
e.Itr
iedopeningmy selfuptolovi
ng
hi
m, butIcoul
dn'tbri
ngmy selft
omov eonf rom
myex.Myf ir
styearofmar ri
agewast ort
ure,
Siyawasanexci tednewl y wedandIont he
otherhandwasmi serable.Ther ewasonl yone
personIcoul dfi
ndcomf ortin,Br ian.Hewas
attentiveandaf f
ect i
onat e.Iusedt of i
ndsolace
i
nhi m, andev entuallyonet hingl eadt oanother
oneni ght,andIwasscr eami nghi snameov er
andov eragai ninecst asy .Ther ewas
somet hingaboutt hethrillher est oredinmyl i
fe.
Ourr elationshipadv ancedt ot hepoi ntwhereI'
d
beanxi ousf orSiyat oleav eonhi sbusi ness
tri
ps, soBr iancoul dcomeov er.He' dmakeme
feelliket heonlywomani nt hewor ld,andasour
rel
ationshi pdev eloped, sodi dmyl ov eand
ador ationforhim.

Bri
anal soreciprocatedt helov eIhadforhim
andt hat '
swhent hedemandsbegan.Hewant ed
met ol eaveSi yaforhim, andasmuchasIl oved
him,Iwasl i
vingacomf ortableli
feandBrian'
s
careerwoul dbeal it
tlesket chyattimes.WhenI
fel
lpr egnantagai n,Brianf oundoutbeforeI
coul dev ent ellhim.Needl esst osay ,Ihadno
i
deawhot hef atherwas, butBr ianwas
conv i
ncedi twashi m sohet hreatenedt otel
l
Siya.It houghtt hebestopt ionwoul dbet o
termi nat eandj usttellhim Imi scarri
ed, andsoI
did.Ov ert hey ear she'str
iedpr ovinghi mselft
o
meandI 'vef i
nal l
ygivenin,thewayheshowed
ani nt erestint hatl i
tt
legirlZinhledrov eme
crazy .Icoul dn'thandleanot hermanr ej
ecti
ng
me, soIt oldBr ianIwasr eadyt odivorceSiya,
buthehadanev enbetterplan, f
orust o
eli
mi natehi m.

Isi
gnedapr enuptial
agreementbef or
eSiyaand
Igotmarried,itwasasmal l
pricet opayfor
assuri
nghi m Iwasn'tinitf
orthemoney .
Howev er
,nowt hatSiyahasbeenr aki
nginthe
mill
i
ons,Br i
anhel pedmeunder standthatt
he
bett
eroptionwoul dbecashi ngi nonthelif
e
i
nsuranceandhi ssharesinvariouscompani es
oncehe'sgone.
Bri
anhashi sownper sonal vendett
aagai nst
Siyaandhepr omi sedt ohelpmesor toutt hat
skankZi nhle,soourr elati
onshipisdefini
tel ya
win-win.Ourr el
ationshi phasdef ini
tely
i
mpr ovedoncehel etmei nonal i
tt
lesecr et;
he'srelatedtothemant hatbrokemyhear t,
Brandon.I '
vehelpedhi mi ncommi t
ting
fr
audul entactsinBr andon'sname, andit'
s
helpedmeemot i
onal l
yi ngetti
ngov erhim.
Brandonwasnev erhel daccount ableforthe
selfi
shacthedi dy ear sago,andBr ianhelped
met her easwel l
,If inall
yregainedmypower
andInev erfel
tbet ter.

Brianhasswor nt otakecareofSiyaandI'
ve
assumedt heresponsibi
l
ityoftaki
ngcareof
Zinhle,shehadbot hoftheonlymeni nmylife
runningafterherli
kelostpuppies,i
ll
bedamned
i
fIl oseanothermanagai n.I'
vehadtoresortt
o
drast
icmeasuresregar
dingZinhl
e,sleepi
ng
witht
hegr eeney
edmonst erwasn'tpartofthe
pl
an,butwhatBriandoesn'
tknowcan' thurthim,
andbesidesSbu'
smemberdoesn' thav eme
complai
ning.Si
yawasmyV12, butIstil
ll
eft,so
whoam It ocomplai
nifIgetaV8?

Myplanistotermi
natethosel
i
ttl
edevil
sthat
she'
scarr
ying,t
henI'
l
lsendhertohergrave;
sl
owlybutsurel
y.
[04/
18,08:
14]Wdz:Mor
ningever
yone!Hav
ean
amazingandfr
uit
ful
weekahead.

[
58]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Mybr
eathi
ngi
suncont
roll
abl
eandIcan' tbare
t
oopenmyeyes,
thenIhearBri
an'sevi
llaugh.I
t
akeadeepbr
eat
hinandment al
lyprepare
my sel
fforwhatI'
m abouttosee.Ihol
dontomy
stomach,andIthi
nkIhav etoomuchadrenal
i
ne
pumpingt hr
oughmybodyt ofeelthepai
n.
Ifinall
yslowlyopenmyey esandmyey esshoot
straightt
omyst omach.IanalyzemybodyandI
don'tseeblood,soIbreatheoutasighofreli
ef,
butt henIseebloodonthef l
oor.Ibl
i
nkaway
myt ear
sasIcalloutZiy
anda'sname.Isee
bloodal lov
erherherandIimmedi at
elythi
nk
thewor st.

Me-"
Ziy
anda!Yandat
alkt
ome!
"
Her
-"I
'
mfi
ne!Thi
sasshol
eshotme.
"
Shesay
sinwhatcomesoutasawhisperwhil
e
shehol
dsontoherl
eftar
m,wher
etheblood
seemstobeseepi
ngfrom.
Me-"Justdon'
tcl
osey
ourey
esokay
?We'
l
lget
youhelp.
"
Br
ianchuckl
esl
ouder
.
Hi
m-" Zi
nhl
e,i
t'
sovermydear.Nowifshe
i
nter
rupt
smeagain,thenextonewil
lgo
st
rai
ghtthr
oughherhead.Don'
ttr
yme."
Me-"
Pppll
leeeaaaaseeBr
ian,callanambul
ance
f
orherandleaveheroutofthis.
"
Hewal kstowardsZiyandaandpr essesafi
nger
thr
oughherbul l
etwoundonherl eftarm.
Ziy
andascr eechesinpain,t
hesightsaddens
me, especi
all
ysinceIdon'tknowhowwe' re
goingtomakei toutofthisone.
Bri
anstr
okesZi
yanda'
shai
randt
ugsather
thr
oat
.
Him-" Youmadei tsoeasydearZiyanda.You
bruisedandbat teredwomenar eallthesame!
Buyagi fther eandbuysomel uncht here,and
theny ou'
rer eadyt opl
ant her
estofy ourl i
fe
withsomeone?Comeon!That 'swhyIl ikedyou
alittl
eZinhle, y
oumademechasey ou, t
hatwas
refreshi
ng.Itpai nsmet ohavetoputy ou
throughthis, butheySiyabonganeedst ostop
wi
nni
ngi
nli
fe!
"
Me-"Ihav
enothi
ngtodowit
hthi
s,Ziyandahas
not
hingtodowit
hthi
s!Pl
easej
ustletusgo!"
Br
ianst
andsandcr
ouchesi
nfr
ontofme.
Him-" Zi
nhle,youdon' tgeti
t!Foroveradecade,
I'
vebeensecondbesti neveryt
hingbecauseof
Siyabonga!I'vewatchedhi m pl
ayhappyf amily
withEv eforyears,yetIwasscr ewingherevery
othernightinhisverybed!Doy ouknowhow
l
ongIbeggedandpl eadedf orhertoleavehi
m,
butshewoul dn'
t?Thent herewasy ou,youalso
chosehi m overme, regardl
essofhi m bei
ngso
vi
siblyattached!
"
Hechuckl
essof
tl
yandshakeshi
shead.
Him-"Thent her
e'sthefactthatIhavet o
constantl
ychaseaf terhi
mf orcontactsint he
construct
ionandmi ningwor l
d.Thef actthatI
al
way shav etoresorttocri
mej usttobet en
stepsbehindhim andsoIcanaf for
dhal fthe
l
ifest
ylehecan.No!I fIcandest r
oymybr other
andmyf ather,Isureashelldon'thavet
oblink
atdestroyinghim.Thebestwayt odosoisto
startwit
hhi shear t
,that
'swherey ouandthose
l
ivesinther ecomei n.Thenit'
llbehim,andI
can'twaitforthemomentwhenIdr i
l
labull
et
throughhishead.I '
llbeli
vi
ngi nhishouse,wit
h
hiswife,spendinghi smoney .
"
Hel
aughssar
cast
ical
l
y.
?
-"Whydon'
tyoudoi
tnow?
"

Thatvoi
cehasasenseofcalmi
ngmedown
evendur
ingther
oughesthur
ri
cane.
Witht hatanothergunshoti sf
ir
ed, Iscream in
shock.Ijumpof fmyseatandcr ouchdownt o
Ziyanda'sside.She'sbarel
yconscious, soIslap
heraf ewt i
mes.Idr agherbyherlegsacr oss
thefloorinanat tempttofindshel
ter, buther
bodyi stooheav yformyt r
emblingbodyt o
carry.SoIkneel besideZiy
andaandj ustprayto
God.Ihearsomeonedr optothefloorsoIpeak
myheadupandprayt
hat'
snotSi
ya.IseeSiya
ontopofBr
iant
hrowi
ngpunchaft
erpunchand
i
tseemsli
keBri
anisj
ustl
ayi
ngtherel
if
eless.
Me-"Si
yabonga,y
ou'r
egoingt
okil
lhi
m,andI
wi
llnothavethef
atherofmyki
dsgotoj
ailf
or
murder!
"
IshoutasIcr
awl
towar
dshi
m.
Bri
anl
aughswi
thbl
oodal
lov
erhi
sfaceand
spi
tsi
toutont
hefl
oor
.
Br
ian-"
List
ent
oyourl
i
ttl
egi
rl
fr
iend,
don'
tki
l
l
me."
Si
ya-"Zi
nhl
e,st
aywi
thy
oursi
sterhel
pisoni
ts
way.Go!
"
Me-"No!Youkillhi
m, youkill
thepossi
bil
i
tyof
useverhavi
ngar elati
onship,andyouki
ll
your
chancetoparentthesekids."

Si
yal
ooksli
vi
d,butI
'mti
redoft
hedrama.As
muchasIwanttoseeBr
ian'
sbr
ainspl
att
ered
acrosst hedini
ngroom,Ican'
tbeokaywi
th
mur der.I'
m amotherandIcan'
tbeokaywi
th
thi
s, Ican'
t.
Siy
astaresatmeandt akesafewdeepbreat
hs
i
n.He'sfinal
l
ycalm andhegrabsBri
an'
sneck
andthrowshim ononeofthechai
rs.
Si
ya-"
You'
rer
ight
,I'
m notgonnaki
l
lhi
m."
Br
ianl
aughsl
oudl
y.
Br
ian-"
Iknewi
t!He'
ssoweak!
"
Hel
aughsandcoughsoutbl
ood.
Si
yal
ooksathi
mint
ent
lyandt
henf
lashesa
wi
desmil
e.
Si
ya-"
Iwon'
t,
buthewi
l
l.
"
Si
yatur
nshi
sattent
iont
othedoorandanolder
whi
temalef
loat
sin.Heoozesaut
hori
tyashe
wal
ksovert
ous.
Si
ya-"
Pat
ri
ck,
he'
sal
lyour
snow.
"
Hi
m-"
ThanksSi
ya.Br
ianmyson,
let
'sgo
somewher
ewecantal
kabouthowyou'
vebeen
scr
ewingmeov
erf
oryear
s,shal
lwe?"
Hesnapshi
sfingerandwit
hinseconds3men
i
nblacksui
tsl
i
f tBr
iantohi
sfeet.
Br
ian-"
No!Si
yaman,
don'
tdot
his!
"
Pat
rick-"Gett
hisfil
thoutofher
e,Iwon'
t
di
srespectthi
sy oungman'shouseanylonger
.
Si
ya,it'
sbeenapl easur
eandcongrat
ulati
ons.
"
Hesayspoint
ingatmystomach,
theyshake
handsandexchangewi
nks.

Oncehel eaves,thefi
rstf
loorisfl
oodedwi
th
fi
rstresponders.Zi
yandaisplacedona
str
etcherandiswheel edout.Ist
andupto
fol
lowbehi nd,
butSiyastopsme.
Him-"Babe,no.You'r
ei nnoposit
iontogot o
thehospit
al.Youneedt orest
,I'
l
lgetSt ev
ent o
comechecky ouout,butIdon'
twanty ouon
yourfeetandstressi
ng.I'
ll
gotot hehospital
andensur
ethatZi
yandai
ssaf
e."
Ihav
enost rengt
htot
alkordoany
thi
ngsoI
j
ustlookathim.Hecr
ouchesdownandpi
cks
meup.
Hi
m-"
Whyar
eyouwet
?"
Heasksashenarrowshiseyes.Mycheeks
fl
ushwithembar
rassment,
andIburymyhead
onhischest
.
Hi
m-"
Zinhl
e?"
Irefusetotellthismant hatIpeedonmy self
,
that'
swher eIdr awt heli
ne.Hechuckl essof t
ly,
andj ogsupt hespi r
ali
ngstaircase.Hehel psme
standoncewe' r einthemast erbedroom andhe
slowlystr
ipsmenakedwhi leIjuststandt her
e
l
ikeast at
ue.Hepr oceedst otakehisclothes
offaswel lunti
l he'
scompl etelynaked,andI
l
ookawaywhenIseehi smonst erstandto
attenti
onandj uststareatme.Heki ssesmeon
thecheekt henl eadsmet ot hebathroom, he
nudgesmei nsideandheadj uststhe
temperatur etowar m.Hescr ubsev er
yi nchof
mybodyandoncehe' sdoneher ubshisshower
gelonhi msel fthenstandsundert heother
shower head.Ist ar
east hewat ercascades
downhi st orsot ohismonsterandbel ow.
Withinaf ewmi nutes,
he'sdoneandhe
switchest hewat eroff.Hehelpsmeoutoft he
showeranddr i
esmybodywi that owel.Whil
e
hewr apsonear oundhi swaist.Hebringsa
gownandhel psmeweari tt
hencar ri
esmet o
thebedwher ehet ucksmei n.
Hi
m-"Zinhl
e,neverf
eelashamedor
embarr
assedaroundmeokay ?It
oldyouthatI
l
oveyou,bel
ieveme.I'
l
lgotothehospit
aland
makesureZiyandai
sokayandhassecur i
ty.
"
Hekissesmeonmyf or
eheadandget
supt
o
l
eave,butIhol
dont
ohisarm.
Me-"
Pleasej
ustst
ayunt
ilIf
all
asl
eep.Pl
ease.
"
Isayasateart
ri
cklesdown.Hegetsinthe
cover
sandembr acesmefrom behi
nd,wit
hone
handonmyst omachandtheotherstr
oki
ngmy
forehead.Ihol
dontohimti
ghterandsobsoftl
y
asi tur
nmybodyar oundt
of acehim.Ist
roke
hisfacethenburymyfaceonhisbarechest.
Hi
m-"
SsshhhI
'
m her
emyl
ove,
I'
m her
e."
[
04/
18,
08:
14]Wdz:
[59]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
I
'
m wokenupbysof
twetki
ssesal
lov
ermy
f
ace.
Hi
m-"
Zinhl
e,wakeup.Thedoct
ori
sher
e."
Icl
osemyey
esandcov
ermyheadwi
thapi
l
low.
Hi
m-"
It
'l
lbequi
ck.Comeonl
ove.
"
Irol
lmyeyesandy
awnt
henshi
ftmybodyof
f
theenor
mousbed.
Siy
a-"I
'
m goingbacktothehospi
tal,Zi
yanda
wasinsurgeryt
helastt
imeIwast here.Doyou
needanyt
hing?"
Ishakemyhead, becauseI
'm sti
l
lsoexhausted
andthatincl
udesmymi nd.Ican'
tthi
nkof
whetherIneedanythi
ngorwantany t
hing,
regardl
essofwhatIneed,i
tnevercomest o
frui
ti
on.
Si
yasmil
esandtur
nstoleavet
henIcal
lafter
hi
m.Heturnsonhi
sheelandwalkst
owardsme.
Hest
rokesmyfaceandgivesmeaconcerned
l
ook.
Me-"IknowwhatIneed.Ineedapeacefull
if
e
butmostimpor
tant
ly,apeaceful
pregnancy
."
Ipushpasthi
m andrundownstai
rs.I
'
m gr
eet
ed
byStev
endownstairswhohassetupsomeof
hi
sequipmentinthelounge.
Il
aymot ionl
essont hecouchasheexami nes
everyinchofmybody .Thankfull
ythetwinsare
safe,butheor dersmet orelaxfort
henextf ew
weeks, Ilaughwhenhesay sthatbecausemy
l
ifehasbeenf i
ll
edwi t
honedr amaf i
ll
ed
experienceafteranother
.
Steven-"MissKhumalo, y
our eal
lyshouldtakei
t
easy.You'vebeenluckythesepastf ew
i
ncidents,butyourbabiesarestart
ingtofeel
thestrai
n.Justrel
ax,anduset heseameni ti
es
thatareaty ourdi
sposal.
"
Hesay
spoint
ingatt
hev
ari
ousl
uxur
yit
emsi
n
t
hehouse.
Si
ya-"
Shewi
l
l,I
'
llmakesur
eofi
t.
"
Hesay sashewalksdownthelastf
ewst
epsof
thestai
rcase.Hewal
kstowar
dsusandshakes
Steven'
shand.
Me-"
I'
ll
trydoc.Thanksf
ort
hev
isi
t.
"
Istandupandt i
ghtent
hebeltofthegown,and
att
emptt omakemywayoutoft heli
vi
ngroom,
butSiyagrabsholdofmyarm.
Hi
m-"I
'
llf
ixt
his,
Isweart
hatI
'
llf
ixal
loft
hisand
we'
l
lbeafamil
yokay?
"
Ist
aredeepi
ntohi
sey
es,
andIf
eel
myhear
t
palpi
tate.Iseethemant hatIlovewit
hev ery
fi
berofme, t
hemant hatIgav emypur i
tytoon
asilverplat
ter,
themant hatIlaymymor alsto
thesidefor,butalsothemant hathasbrought
somuchdr amai ntomyl if
e.I'
m gladthathe'
s
ali
ve,buthe'sturnedmyl ifeupsidedownand
i
nsideoutwi thi
nj ustt
went yfourhoursof
reappearinginit
.
Me-"
I'
ll
beupst
air
s."
Igivehim asli
ghtsmileanddashupst air
s.I
j
umpi nt
obedandr eachf ormybagsot hatI
cant akemyv it
amins.I'
m sof at
igued,Iguess
that'swhathappenswheny ou'r
einar eall
ife
actionmov i
e.Isnuggleupcl osetothelarger
pil
lowsandcl osemyey es.AsIst artt
odozeof f
,
I'
m wokenupbySi yaclear i
nghist hr
oat.
Itur
ntof
acehi
m andhe'
sholdi
ngatray
.Iwant
tofr
own,
butI
'm di
str
act
edbythear
oma.
Me-"
What
'st
his?
"
It
ryt
osayi
nanannoy
edt
one.Hekneel
sont
he
bedandIseeal ar
gepor t
ionofcreamypast
a
andatal
lglassofmilk,mymout hsali
vat
esat
thet
houghtofthetaste.
Hi
m-"Imadethi
sfory
ouwhenIcameback
f
rom t
hehospi
tal
."
Igr
abt
het
rayf
rom hi
m andpl
acei
tonmyl
ap.
Me-"
DidEv
eteachy
ouhowt
ocook?
"
Helooksatmei
ntent
lyasher
aiseshi
s
ey
ebrow.
Me-"
Didshe?
"
Hest
andsupandheadsf
ort
hedoor
.
Him-"I
'
m offt
othehospi
tal
,I
'l
lbebackassoon
asIcan."
Il
aughsar
cast
ical
l
y.
Me-"Di
dn'
tyousaythiswasmypl
ace?So
shoul
dn'
tyouaski
fy ouCANcomebackl
ater
?"
Hi
m-"
Whaaa.
."
Me-"
Siy
a,It
hinky
oushoul
dmay
bef
indy
our
ownplacefornow.Thedoctorsai
dIshould
takei
teasy,andwit
hy oust
il
li
nmyl i
feIdoubtI
can.WhatIsaidt
oy ouaweekago, sti
ll
remai
ns."
Igetof
fthebedandwal
ktowar
dshi
m and
nudgehimtowar
dsthedoor
.
Me-"I'
lll
etyouknowr egar
dingmy
appointmentsandtherest
,butfornowI'
dli
ke
tobeleftal
one.You'v
egotbaggageSiyabonga
Nyathi,
andit'
snottheLouisVuitt
onki
nd."
Iopent
hedoorandpushhi
m out
.
Me-"Bytheway
,yourwif
ewasfucki
ngBri
an
andnowIsawmydoct orbal
l
sdeepinher
.
She'
sli
beral
Imustsay.
"
Ishutt
hedoorandlockitt
henruntothebedto
checkinonmymom andt oindul
geinthemeal
mybabydaddymadef orme.Whilehebangson
thedoornonst
op.
*
*ZI
YANDA*
*
I'
vejustwokenupf r
om surgeryandmybody
achesal lov
er.Thephy si
calpainhowev eri
s
nothingcompar edtotheemot ionalpainI
'm
currentl
yexperi
encing.Myhear tisbleedi
ngas
mymi ndwonder sofft
oBr andon,orshouldI
sayBr i
an.

Ijustcan' tseem t ocat chabr eaki nmyl i

fe,and
I'
mt r
ickl
ingdownmymi sfortuneont omybaby
sister.Apar tofmewi shest hatthebul l
etwent
throughmyhear tandI '
dbei namor gue
somewher e.WhenImetBr andon, heli
terall
y
sweptmeof fmyf eet.Iwasabsol ut
elywithout
adoubti nfatuated, hesol dmedr eamsandI
boughtt hem.I twasov ersuchashor tperiodof
ti
me, butIwasi ntriguedbyt hiswhi r
lwind
romance.I twast hef i
rsttimeev erthat
someoneshowedsuchani nterestinmyl ife
withouthav i
ngt hei rownsel fi
shexpect ati
ons.
Weshar edsomuchi ncommon, thatIf
eltasi
fI
couldbemy sel
finhispresence.Hegav emea
gl
impseoft heli
fethatIyear
nf orandcanonly
dream abouthavi
ng.

HereIam wit
habul l
etwoundf
rom my
supposedboyfr
iendandmyfut
urewit
hhi
m
obvi
ouslydownt hedr
ain.
Thegui l
tI '
mfeelingseemst obebl ockingmy
airway ,becauseIcan' tbreathewhenIt hinkof
howIputmysi st
er '
sli
feandt hel i
vesoft hose
babi esindangerbecauseofmymi sconcept ion
oft helov eIthoughtIhad.I nhindsight,Iwasso
gullibl
e, butIguesswheny ouwantsomet hi
ng
sobad, y ouconfuseami r ageforther ealthing.
WhatIt houghtwoul dbeoneoft hebestday sin
myl i
fe,theloveofmyl i
femeet ingmysi ster
turnedoutt obeunequi vocallythewor stdayi n
history.Thenagai n,
I'
veknownf ory earsdeep
i
nsi dethatIdon' tdeserveahappi l
yev eraf t
er.
I
'mtoobatt
eredandbr uisedt
ofindsomeone
wi
ll
ingtogl
uetogetherthebrokenpiecest
hat
makeupmysoul .Whoam It owantsomething
morethanmypast?Thi sismydesti
nyandit'
s
t
imeIacceptedi
t.

I'
vebeeny etagai nrej ectedbecauseofsome
speci alobsessi onper t
ai ningtoZi nhle.Theone
mant hathadr ekindledaspar ki
nmehas
extinguishedi tlikeitnev erexi st
ed.I '
vebeen
mer elyexisti
ngf ory ear s, andallthatIcr avei
s
tost artli
vi
ngaf ulf
il
lingandexci t
ingl i
fe.One
wher eIdon' thav etodr i
nkpi ll
sjustt of al
l
asleep, onewher eIdon' tbr eakintoacol d
sweatev erynightaf tert hesameni ghtmare,
onewher eIf eel andbel iev ethatmyf eeli
ngs
andt hought smat t
er.Icr aveal i
fewher eIcan
l
ooki nthemi rrorandnotber epulsedbywhatI
see.Asi mplel i
fewher eIcanr espectmybody
andf indsomeonewhodoest hesame.
Myt houghtsareinterr
uptedbysomeone
cl
earingtheirt
hroat.Itur
naroundandfi
ndatal
l
caramelskinnedy ummyl ooki
ngman.He
fl
ashesawar m smileandIm bli
ndedbyhi
s
snowywhi teteeth.
Hegli
dest
owar
dsmeandsi
tsont
hechai
r
besi
demybed.
Hest
rokesmyhandandgazesi
ntomyey
es.
Hi
m-"
Hi,
I'
m Br
andonEv
ans.Ther
eal
one.
"
Hewi
nksatme.
[
04/
18,
08:
15]Wdz:
[60]
*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Ifi
nishedmymeal ,spoketomymot herand
evenlistenedtoanent i
reTDJakesser monon
myphonewhi l
eSiyashoutedhisidl
ethreats
fr
om t heothersideofthedoor.Ithi
nkhe's
gi
v enup, becausehe'snolongerbanging
hi
msel fagainstthedoor.Trut
his,Idon'tev
en
knowwhyIsaidthataboutEvetohi
m.Idon'
t
regr
etsayi
ngit
,butIdoregrett
hemanneri
n
whichIsai
dit
,itwassocrudeandoutof
charact
erf
orme.

I'
mr eallyt empt edt ogetoutofbedandopen
thedoor ,
butI 'mt erri
fi
edofwhatSi yaisgoi ng
tosayordo, I'
m al soembar r
assedatmyl it
tle
rantfrom ear l
ier.IguessI '
mj ustfr
ust r
ated
becauseoft hesuddent urnofev entsinmyl i
fe,
andhe' st hecommondenomi nator,
y ethis
sist
eri sn'tonsomehospi t
albedwi thbullet
holesandhe' snott heonewhohast ot r
y
remai ningcal m whensomeonehasagun
pointedt ohi m.IguessIhav etofacehi m
eventual l
y, mightaswel lbracemy selffordoing
i
tnow, besi desIneedt oseemysi sterand
makesur et hatshe' stakencar eof.

Isl
i
deof
fthebedandmakemywayt
othe
bathr oom.Ist andundert hescor chinghot
wat erandl etoutal oudcr yandpr omi semy sel
f
thati t
'st helasttimeIal l
owt earst ofalldown
myf ace, atleastfort henext4mont hs.Igetout
aftermi nutesofscr ubbi ngmybodyandIdr y
my sel fthenl oti
on.Iwal kt othecl osetand
settleonal ongnav yt i
ghtf i
tt
ingdr essandwear
thepai rofslippers,thisdr essreally
accent uatesmybump, Ismi l
eatmy selfinthe
mirrorasIgawkatmypr otr
udingbel l
y .
Iwal
kbacktothebedroom andmakemyway
tot
hebedroom door
,andtakeadeepbr
eat
hin
bef
oreIopeni
ttogospeakt oSi
ya.

Ifi
ndSiyabongaintheloungeononeofthe
coucheswithabottl
eofwhi skeyi
nhishand.I
cl
earmyt hroatandstandaf ewmeter
saway
fr
om him.
Me-"Hey,Iwanttogovi
sitZi
yandaf
orali
tt
le
whi
le,youdidn'
ttel
lmewhichhospi
tal
she'
sin.
"
IsayasIf
iddl
ewi
thmyf
inger
sandst
areatt
he
fl
oor.
Hest andsupandi nchescl oserandcl oserto
meunt ilI
'
m corneredagai nsttheki t
chen
counter.MybreathingchangesandIsmel l
the
whiskeyonhisbr eath.Hisey esarebl oodshot
redandIdon'tknowi fit
'sfrom beingt i
red,
angryorhe'sbeencr ying.Itrytoopenmy
mout htospeak,butnot hingcomesoutashe
staresatme.Itrytoshi fttothesidet oget
somespace, buthisar mshav ebuiltafort
aroundme.
Iknowthathe'
stry
ingtoi
nti
midateme,
andit
's
worki
ng,howeverI
'mti
redofbei
nghisl
it
tl
e
puppysoIhavetopull
abraceface.
Me-"
Cany
oul
etmepasspl
ease?
"
IsayasIfol
dmyar ms.Hepushesagai
nstme
andcupsmyf acewit
hbothhi
shandsashe
star
esdeepintomyeyes.
Hi
m-"
Howdi
dyouknow?
"
Itakeadeepbr
eat
hinandr
oll
myey
es,
whi
ch
seemstoannoyhi
m ev
enmore.
Hi
m-"
Answerme.
"
Hesay
sthr
oughgr
it
tedt
eet
h.
Me-"I
'
m sorr
yaboutwhatIsai
dearl
ieron,
I
knowthaty
ourmarri
agehasnothi
ngtodowit
h
me.HowdidIknow?Soy ouknew?"
Hechuckl
esinasar
cast
icmannerandt
ouches
mynosewithhi
s.
Him-"You'r
edivert
ing?Okay
!Si
ncey ou'
re
i
ncapableofhav i
ngamat ur
econver
sation,I
'
ll
humory ou.IknewaboutBri
an,buty
ourf amous
doct
or,nowt hat'
snewstome.Yourt ur
n,how
di
dyouknow? "
Ipushhischest,
buthebar
elybudgessoI
crouchdownandcrawlunderhi
sar m and
attemptt
owal kawayfr
om hi
m, buthegrabs
holdofmyarm andchuckl
esloudly.
Hi
m-"
Seet
hat
?Thatdoesn'
thel
pinpr
ovi
ng
y
ourmat
uri
tygi
rl
y.
"
TheangerIfeelintensi
fi
esasIr epeathislast
stat
ementov eragaininmyhead, andbef oreI
knowitmyhandl andshardacrosshischeek.
Theloudsoundofcont acttakesmebysur pri
se
andshock.Iwalkaf ewmet ersawayf rom him
whil
ehestrokeshi scheek.

Me-"I
..
.I'
m..
.I'
m sor
ry,
butyouprov
okedme!I
'
ll
j
ustputsomeshoesont henI
'
llgo.
"
Hel
aughsl
oudl
yandchar
gest
owar
dsme.
Him-"You'renotgoi
ngany where,it
'snotupfor
di
scussion.I'
vegotbettert
hingstodot hanto
assi
gnpeopl etofol
l
owy ouaroundt hewhol
e
day.Zi
yandai sfi
ne,
I'
llbecheckinguponher
again,
yourmom i sfi
neaswel l.I
fyoumi ssher
somuch, thenshecanmov ein."
Hemovestowardsmeandst ar
esatmeint
entl
y
whenhi
sbodyismerel
yinchesawayfr
om mine.
Him-"Zinhle,t
hatwast hefir
standl astti
mey ou
getphysicalwithmeunder stood?Oh, andIget
thatI
'v
epr ofessedmyl oveforyouon
numerousoccasi ons,howeverthatdoesnot
meant hatI'myourlit
tl
etoyboy .Ifyoudon't
wanttobemypar t
ner,t
henf i
ne,butremember
thatI
'm goingtobeapar tofy ourli
feregardl
ess,
becauseoft hem."
Hesay
sashepoi
ntsatmybel
l
y.
Me-"
Sot
hat
'swhyy
oul
eft
?"
Hesi
ghsl
oudl
yandgi
vesmeabor
edl
ook.
Hi
m-"
Whatar
eyout
alki
ngabout
?"
Me-"
That'
swhyyouleftEv
e,becausey
ouy
ou
f
oundoutshe'
scheat
ing?"
IaskasIbi
temybot
tom l
i
p.
Hi
m-"
Showmeamant
hatwoul
dn'
t.
"
Me-"Oh.
..i
sn'
tthatal
i
ttl
ehy
pocr
it
ical
,
consi
der
ing.
."
Isayi
nal
owt
onewi
thmyheadbowed.
Hi
m-" I
'
ml eavi
ngnowtotakecar
eofaf
ew
t
hings,doyouneedany
thing?
"
IhuffandItur
nslowl
yandwalkawaywi
th
disappoi
ntmentandf
rust
rat
ionf
il
li
ngmyhear
t.
Hi
m-"
Howl
onghav
eyouknown?
"
Me-"
Notlongenough.
"IsayasIj
ogt
owar
ds
t
hestai
rcase.
Si
yar
unsbehi
ndmeandgr
absmywai
st.
Him-"Caref
ul!It
hinky
oushouldmovet ooneof
t
hebedr oomshereont hef
ir
stfl
oor
,it
'ssaferi
n
yourcondit
ion.
"
Me-"
Whenar
eyoumov
ingout
?"
Hechuckl
es.
Him-"
ButI'
m notZinhl
e.ItoldyouthatIpl
anon
bei
ngpresentever
ystepoft heway,andI
meanti
t.I'
l
loccupyoneoft heguestrooms
downheresoIcanbecl oset oyoui
ncaseyou
needsomet
hing.
"
Me-"
Ipr
esumeIhav
enochoi
cei
nthi
s."
Him-"Good,
you'
recat
chi
ngon!I
t'
sgr
eatt
obe
back!
"
Hesay
sandhegi
vesmeaki
ssont
hecheek.
Idon'tknowwhatIwashopi ngfor,perhapsthat
heleftEv eforme?What everi
tisthatI'
m
feel
ingneedst obeburied,becausepur sui
nga
rel
ationshipwi t
heachot herri
ghtnowwoul dbe
arecipef ordisast
er.He'sbarel
ydivorced,and
thekindoff utureI'
vecravedwithhimi sone
thatincludesaweddi ngr i
ngandmor echi l
dren,
butforhi m;thatwouldbej umpingfrom the
kett
let othepot .

*
*ZI
YANDA*
*
We'v
ebeensit
tinginsil
encewi
ththi
s"real
Br
andon"manf orminut
esonend.I'
vebeen
st
ari
ngathi
m, debati
nginmyheadwhet hert
o
pr
essthepani
cbut
tonortobepoli
teandshake
hi
shand,wi
thsomanythought
sracingt
hrough
mymindIdeci
detocal
m downandchooset he
l
att
er.
Het akesmyhandandpl antsasof tkissonit
thenhef lasheshi smi l
li
onRandsmi leagai
n.I
blushandgetal i
ttl
eflust
eredasIwonderhow
awf ul Ilooki nthepr esenceoft hissexGod.It ry
reachf ort heglassofwat eronthebedsi de
table, buthegr absi tf
irst
.Headj uststhestraw
andhol dst hebackofmyheadt ohelpmedr i
nk.
Itakeaf ewshor tsipsandwedon' tl
oseey e
cont actt heent ireti
me.OnceI '
m done, hetakes
outhi shandker chi
efandwi pesthesidesofmy
mout h.
Me-"
Uhmm.
.thanky
ou.
"
Hi
m-"You'r
emor ethanwelcome.I'm sorryf
or
j
ustbar
ginginl
ikethisespeci
all
yafteryou'v
e
j
ustcometo,butIneededtoseey ouur gent
ly.
"
Mymout
hcur
vesi
ntoasmi
l
eandIf
eel
my
cheeksheatup.
Him-"So,asI'
vesaidalr
eady,I'
m Brandon
Evans.Iheardwhatthatscumbagdi dtoy ou,
andIjusthadtocomeandseet hatyou'reokay
my sel
f.Imustsaythough,youlooktoodamn
gorgeoustobeapat i
ent.Areyousurey ouwer e
shotandjustcamef r
om surgery?Am Iint he
ri
ghtroom? "
Henarrowshi
sey esandbiteshi
sbot
tom l
i
p.I
l
augh,buthuf
floudlyi
npain,andhej
umps
cl
osertowherehe'ssi
tti
ngnexttomeonmy
bed.
Ishif
tuncomf or
tabl
y,becausewhet herhe'
s
gorgeousornot ,hecan'tbeinthesamebedas
me.I'm sti
llt
oodamagedf orthi
skindof
physicalcontactwit
hanyman, l
etaloneaman
that'
srelat
edt otheanimalthatleadmeher e.
Me-"
I'
dli
ket
osl
eepnow.Pl
easego.
"
IsayasIturnt
ofacetheot
herwayandcov
er
myf acewit
hthebedcover
s.
Ifeel him sli
deof fthebedandst andnextt oi t
foraf ewmi nutes.Hepl onkssomet hingont he
tablet henIheart hedoorsl am shut .Itur
nto
thet ableandf i
ndal argebouquetofr edroses,
howt acky ,
asmal l
packagewi t
haf ewgoodi es
andhi sbusi nesscar d.It aket hecar dandshr ed
i
twi thoutr eadi
ngandt osst hemi nutepieces
ont hef loor.It
urnt ofacet hewi ndow, cl
osemy
eyesandgobackt ot hinkingaboutmyl i
fe.

[
04/
18,
16:
27]Wdz:
[61]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
I
t'
sbeenaf ewday sbeingl
ockedupinthe
f
ort
ress,andmybor edom andfr
ust
rati
onhas
r
eacheditspeak.I'
vebarel
yseenSi
yasinceour
l
i
ttl
etif
ftheotherday,andIki
ndofmisshim.
I
'
ml onel
yandbor edeveryminut
eofeveryday
,
mom i sev enconcer nedbecauseIFaceTi me
heratl east5t imesaday ,t
hent her ear ethe
countlesst extsinbet ween.Si yaandIdeci ded
nottot ellmom aboutt heshoot ingf ornow,
becausei twoul dbet oohar dt oexpl ainov erthe
phone, soshet hinkst hatZiyandahasgonet o
Mozambi quewi t
haf ewf ri
endsandhasnocel l
phoner ecept i
on.Ihat elyi
ngt omymot her,but
i
t'swhat '
sbestf ornow.Ican' tev env oicemy
concer nst oSi yabecausehe' sbar el
yar ound, so
I'
vedeci dedt ost omachi t
.Mymunchki nsar e
myonl ycomf ortandi fitweren'tfort hem, I'
dbe
unravelingandf i
v emi nutestoapsy chotic
break.It alkt othem, singtothem andev en
readsomepoet ryt othem.Iwantt hem t obe
cult
ured, soi t'snev ert ooearlytol earn.

I'
m ont
hefl
oorinthel
oungelyi
ngonmyback
aft
eradi
smalfai
latpr
enatal
yoga.
Me-"
Youguy
sjustdon'
twantmommyt
odo
anyt
hingdoyou?NowIcan'
tdoy
oga?Iusedt
o
consi
dermysel
faproatt
his.
"
IsayasIst
rokemyt
ummy
.
Me-"
What?Youguy
swantsomechocol
atei
ce
cr
eam?Okay!
"
Ilaughatmy sel
fasIrealizet
hesadr eal
i
tyt hat
i
scur r
entlymyli
fe.Iheadt ot
hekitchenand
reachf orasmalltubofi cecr
eam inthefreezer
thensi tdownononeoft hehighchair
sinthe
kitchenthenIstuffmyf ace.

Icat
chawhi f
fofhiscolognebef or
ehesay s
anyt
hing,t
henIhearf ootstepscomecloserto
me.Het ouchesmyshoul derandIfeelan
el
ectr
iccurrentpassthroughmybody .
Hi
m-"
Arey
ougoi
ngt
oshar
e?"
Ishowhimthecartonthat
'
salmostempt
yand
hechuckl
essl
ightl
ythenhetur
nsseri
ous
almosti
mmediatel
y .
Him-"I
'
vecometograbsomethings,I
'v
egota
busi
nesstr
ipgoi
ngt
oaf ewdi
fferentpl
aces,
I'
ll
bebackinafewday
s."
Me-"
Oh.
..
"
Him-"I
'l
ltel
lyouonceIar
ri
ve,
andI
'
llbeback
befor
eyouknowi t.
"
Me-"
You'
rebar
elyaroundany
way
s,I
'
m sur
eit
won'
tmakeadif
ference.
"
Hesighssof
tl
yt henki
ssesmyt
empl
eandr
uns
upst
air
stohisroom.
Hisstaffendedupmov i
ngt hefewbel ongingsI
haveher einoneoft helargerguestr oomson
thefi
rstfloor
.Icoul dn'tgohomet ofetchmy
clot
hesbecauseof" safetyreasons"instead,I
hadtoor dertheclot hesf r
om v ari
ousonl i
ne
bouti
quest hatIwant edandt heywer edeliver
ed;
whichwasev er
ythingev endownt ounderwear.
Iboughtsomel inger iebecauseofmyr aging
hormones, It
houghtt hatIshoul dber eadyfor
whenSi yamakesamov eonme, butthe
possibi
l
iti
esoft
hathappeni
ngar
esl
i
mtonone
fornow.

IhearSi yar undownt hest air

case, withhis
suitcasebangi ngagai nstev eryst ep.Idon't
knowwhyhehadt heel ev atorblockedof f ,
becausei twoul dmakebot hourl iveseasi er.He
sti
llhasn' tmov edintooneoft heguestr ooms
ont hef i
rstf l
oor,whichmeanshe' sst i
ll
occupy ingt hemast erbedr oom.IguessIcoul d
sayhe' sbeenr espectingmywi shesby
mini mizingourt imet oget her,Ijustwi shit
woul dn'tmakemef eel somi serable.Iyear nfor
histouchandhi smesmer izi
ngey esthathav e
theabi l
ityt ogazedeepi nt omysoul .Imi ssjust
beingi nhi sembr ace, butt hisiswhatIwant ed,
oratl easti t
'swhatIt houghtIwant edsoI '
llj
ust
havet ogr inandbeari t.Iknowt hatIpr obabl y
havenor ighttofeelthi swayaf terpushinghi m
away ,butt hegui l
tthatI '
vebeenf eel
ing
regardingourr el
ati
onshi psomet imes
consumesmet ot hepoi ntwher eI'm unabl et o
seepasthi smar italstat usandt hesi nwe
commi tted.I t
'
shy pocritical ofmet oambush
Siyawi thbl ame, becauseIwasn' tobl i
gatedt o
openmy selftohi m, Ijustf eel thatper hapsSi ya
needst oexper iencebei ngsi ngl eforawhi le.I
don'twanthi mt of eelobl igedt opur suea
rel
at i
onshi pwi thmemer elybecauseI 'm
carryinghi sbabi es, i
tseemsasi fhe'sal r
eady
gott hewei ghtoft hewor ldonhi sshoul ders.
From deal ingwi tht hegui ltofcommi tti
ng
adultery,tol earningabouthi swi fe'sown
i
nf i
del i
ti
es, hisbestf r
iendat t empt ingt omur der
hisbabymamaandhersi ster ,
thent here'
st he
const antst ressofwor k, IthoughtI 'dbe
all
ev i
atingsomeoft hepr essur eandst r
essi n
hislifebyset ti
nghi mf ree, Ijustdi dn' t
anticipatetheemot i
onal painIwoul df eelasa
result.Lordgi vemet hest r
engt ht ohandl e
whenSi yar eall
ydoesmov eonwi t
houtmeand
mybabi eshav etwomommi es.Ipr ayt hatit
neveramountst
othat,becauseI'
m hopef
ulthat
we'l
levent
ual
lyf
indourwaybackt oeachother,
hopeful
lyt
houghnot
hingdet r
imental
occursin
themeanti
me.

Iwouldli
keabr eakf
rom bei
ngl
onelyi
nthe
houseandperhapssomet imewit
hbabydaddy
wil
lhelpresol
vethetensi
onbet
weenus.
Si
yawal
kssl
owl
ytowardsmeandr
est
shi
s
ar
msonmyshoul
ders.
Me-"
Iwasthi
nki
ng,whydon'
tIcomewith?It
'l
l
gi
vemeachancetoleav
ethehouseandI
pr
omisey
ouwon'tevenknowI'
mthere,
please!
"
Him-"Asenti
cingasthatsounds,wehaveto
f
ollowdoctor
'sorder
sandy ouhavetostayher
e.
I
'l
lbebackbeforeyouknowi t
,promise.
"
Heki
ssesmeont
hecheekandIhol
dont
ohi
s
ar
m.
Me-"
Please.
"Ipl
eadt
ohi
m wi
thmyey
es
gl
i
steni
ngwi
tht
ear
s.
Hesi
ghsl
oudl
y.
Him-"Zi
nhle,
youcan'
talway
shav ewhatyou
want.I
'v
ebeenawayf r
om workformuchlonger
thanmysharehol
dersarewi
lli
ngtotol
erat
e.I
'l
l
skipt
hesharehol
der
sgaladinnersoI'
l
lbeback
evensoonerokay
?"
Inodsl
i
ght
ly.
Me-"
Soy
ou'
regoi
ngt
omi
sst
heul
tr
asound?
"
Hi
m-"I'
m sor
ry,butIt
hinkI
'l
lhavet
o.I
'
llask
St
evenforacopyofthetapi
ng."
Igiv
ehim asli
ghtsmil
eandwal kaway .If
eel
hiseyesbor
eintomybackt henIhearhis
foot
stepsgr
owmor ef
eintasher eachest
he
door,t
henIhearthedoorslam shut.

Thefol
lowingdaysareagonywit
houtSiya,
especi
all
ywithzerocommunicat
ion.I
'v
et r
ied
cal
li
ngandemai l
inghim,butt
onoav ai
l
al
thoughhi sfaceissmearedal l
overt he
i
nternetandonTV, soIdefi
nit
elyknowt hathe'
s
al
ivethisti
mear ound.I'
vebeent al
kingt o
Ziy
andaev ery2hour sonthephoneandIcan' t
waitforhertocomehome.I '
veconv incedher
i
ntost ayi
ngwi t
hmeov ert
henextf ewmont hs
andI'm eagerforhertogetdischar
ged.

It
'smy20weekul trasoundt oday
,andI'm overl
y
excit
edtoseemymunchki ns.Steveniscomi ng
overwithhisequi
pment ,becauseI'
m sti
llon
housearrestsoI'
vebeent ryi
ngtoFaceTime
Siyasohecanbei nthemomentwi t
hme, but
surpri
sesurpri
se,
he'sunav ail
abl
e.
I'
ml yi
ngonthecouchinmywhitebr
alacecr
op
topandwhitesweatpant
swhil
eNewEditi
on
serenadesmeinthebackgr
ound.
Stevencompl
eteshissetupandappliest
he
coldgelonmybell
ywhi l
eIhum to"I
fiti
sn'
t
Love"byNewEditi
on,thenIhearsomeone'
s
f
oot
stepscomet
owar
dst
hel
ounge.
"
Idon'
tl
oveher
It
ri
edt
otel
lmy
sel
f
Buty
oucanseei
tinmyey
es
Sodon'
tdeny
Ican'
tfool
nooneel
se
Thet
rut
hisi
nthet
ear
sIcr
y

"
'
Causei
fiti
sn'
tl
ove
WhydoIf
eel
thi
sway
Whydoesshest
ayi
nmymi
nd
Andi
fiti
sn'
tl
ove
Whydoesi
thur
tsobad
Makemef
eel
sosadi
nsi
de
I
fiti
sn'
tl
ove.
"
Hesingsasheslowl
ymakeshi
swayt owar
ds
us.Ii
nvol
unt
ari
l
ysmileandsof
tl
ychuckl
e.
Hesli
desandkneel sbesi
demeont hecouch
andhandsmeabouquetofwhi terosesand
boxofmyf avori
techocol
ate.Befor
eIcanstop
mysel
f,myl i
pslandonhisandsuckonhi s
bot
tom l
ip.Isnapbacktoreali
tyandpushhima
waygentl
y.
St
even-"
Okaywegeti
t!Let
'
spr
oceedshal
lwe?
"
Si
yagr
absmyhandandst
aresatt
hescr
een.
Steven-"
Idon'
tknowifyoucansee,butthey
bothhavethei
rhandscover
ingt
heirfaces
today.
"
Si
ya-"
Doest
hatmeansomet
hingi
swr
ong?
"
Steven-"Onthecontr
aryactual
l
y,theirjust
sensit
ivetothel
ightnowbecauset heirsenses
aredevelopi
ngwellinthei
rbrai
n."
Afterwatchi
ngourmunchki
nsandaf ewother
tests,
Stevenhandsust
heultr
asoundcopyand
DVD.

Steven-"Zi
nhl e,
you'r
eabitanemicrightnow,
i
t'sunderstandablebecauseyou'r
ecar r
y i
ngtwo
babies,buty oushouldst
arti
ncludi
ngi r
onr i
ch
foodsintoy ourdiet
.Foodsli
kemeat ,dried
beansandor angejui
ce.I
'l
lsendyoual istvi
a
emai l
."
Si
ya-"I
'
llmakesureshegetsabi
gjui
cy,
har
d
meatysteakt
onightdoc.
"
Hesayswhi
lest
ari
ngatme.Myi
nsi
desheatup
andIgul
pdownthelumpi
nmythr
oat.
Me-"
Siy
a!"
Heignoresmeandassist
sStev
enwit
hhis
equi
pmentandseeshim out
.Hecomesback
whil
eI'
m busyi
ndul
ginginmyfour
thpi
eceof
chocol
ate.
Hi
m-"Soyoudeci
dedt
owearabr
ainf
rontof
St
even?
"
Me-"Wellhe'
sseenmorethanmycleavage,
and
Idon'
thavetoconceal
mybellywhenI'
m
i
ndoors.Besi
des,i
wantanopenviewofmy
munchkins.
"
Heshakeshi
sheadanddashedupst
air
s.
Isuddenl
yfeelexhaust
edsoIt
akemyboxof
chocol
atesandmakemywayt omyroom f
ora
powernap.

I
'm wokenupbysomet hi
ngheavyput
ti
ngst
rai
n
onmyl ap.Ishootmyeyesopenandf
indSi
ya'
s
headresti
ngonmyt hi
ghs.
Me-"
Siy
abonga.
"
IwhisperasIshakehi
m,buthedoesn'
tbudge,
thenIfeelabi
zarr
e
mov
ementi
nmybel
l
y.
Me-"Si
yabonga!
"Ishoutandheshoot
shi
sey
es
open.
Hi
m-"
What
'swr
ong?
"
Il
aughastear
saccumul
atei
nmyeyes.Igr
ab
hi
shandandplacei
tonmybell
y.
Him-"Whoah,whati
sthat
?Ar
eyou
const
ipat
ed?"
Igi
vehi
m abor
edl
ook.
Me-"
Siy
a,no!I
t'
sthemunchki
ns,
they
'r
e
ki
cki
ng!
"
Isayloudl
yast
ear
sfal
ldownmyf
aceont
omy
barebell
y.
Si
ya'
seyesspar
klewit
hexci
tementandhe
pr
essesbot
hhishandsonmyt ummy.
Hi
m-"
Zinhl
e!Wow!
"
Heev
entual
l
yplaceshi
searagai
nstmy
st
omachwhil
ehishandst
rokesmytummy
.
Westayint
hatposi
ti
onforwhatseemsli
ke
f
orev
er,unt
ilwef
all
int
oablissf
ulsl
eep.
[
04/
18,
16:
29]Wdz:
[62]
*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Iwakeupal oneinbedsur r
oundedbydar kness,
IguessIsl eptthebul koft heday .Igetupand
stretchasIwal ktot heensui tebat hroom.My
facel ooksswol lenf rom sl eepi ngsoIdeci deto
takeaqui ckshower .Idr yandl ot i
ononceI 'm
doneandpi ckashor tblackni ght iet owearov er
mybl acklaceboyshor tst hatI '
m al r
eady
wear ing.Theni ghti
ei sshor tert hanIhad
expect editt obe,butIdi smi sst hought sof
changi ngf rom mymi ndbecauseIf eelfatigued.
Ilookatmyr efl
ecti
oni nt hemi rrorandst roke
mybel l
ywi thbot hhands.Myni ght wearl eav es
veryl i
ttl
etot heimagi nation, withi tsl ace
embr oi
deredcupsl eav ingmybr east sinf ull
display, t
hemeshandl acecutout st hroughout
thedesi gnoft heni ght dressandt hest ri
ngy
l
acedet ailthatformst hest rapst hatl eadt oa
l
owbackmeshandl acedesi gn.Il eav emy
braidsl ooseanddeci det omakemywayt othe
kit
chen,I
'm star
vingandI
'
m dr
ool
i
ngatt
he
thoughtoffood.

Iopenmybedr oom doorandI 'm wel comedby

rosepet alsmaki ngcont actwithmyf eet.
They '
rescat ter
edt omakeapat hwayandI
foll
owi t.Ther osepet al
pat hwayl eadst othe
l
oungewher ethere'sanot herpathwayofr ose
petalsandcandl esonei thersideleadi ngt othe
eastt errace.Iopenmymout hinamazementas
Ianaly zet hescener y.Thet err
acei silluminat ed
bydoz ensofwhi tecandl esandor dai nedwi th
rosepet als.Iwalkslowlyt owher et hepat h
l
eadsme, thenIseehi m, mySi ya.Hef lashes
hisdaz zli
ngsmi leandsi gnalsf ormet ocome
closer.Iwi pemysuddenl ywetcheeksand
i
ncr easemypaceasIwal ktohim.If inally
reachhi m andIsmot herhi m withabearbug.
Heev ent uall
ypul l
sawayandopensachai rfor
met osi ton.
We'
reabsorbedi
neachother'
spresenceforthe
r
estoft
heev eni
ng.Hedi
shestwost eaksfor
meandIlaughattheear
li
erconv
er sat
ion.
Hi
m-"
Itol
dyout
hatI
'
dfeedy
oust
eakt
oni
ght
."
Hewi
nksatme.
Hi
m-"Youreall
yneedt
ogety
ourmi
ndoutof
t
hegutt
erZinhl
e."
Hesaysashesmil
esmi
schi
evousl
y.Ishakemy
head,
becausemymout
hist
oof ul
ltospeak.

Theev eni
ngwindsdownandj ustwhenIt hink
i
t'sti
met ogotobed, hegetsupandcl icksa
fewbut t
onsontheent er
tai
nmentpadf orthe
house,andthat'
swhenNewEdi t
ion-"
Cany ou
standtherai
n"blast
st hr
ought heoutdoors
speakers.Il
ookathimi nconfusionandhe
holdsouthishandsoIt akeit
.
Hegui
desmyhandst
oci
rcl
ehi
sneckandhe
crouchesdownabi ttocircl
ehi
sar oundmy
waist.Hi
slipsnibbl
esof t
lyonmyear l
obes,
thenIfeelhiswarm breat
hagainstmyearand
neckashesi ngsalong.

"
Onaper
fectday
,Iknowt
hatIcancounton
y
ou.
Whent
hat
'snotpossi
ble
Tel
lmecany
ouweat
hert
hest
orm?

'
CauseIneedsomebodywhowi
l
lst
andbyme
Thr
ought
hegoodt
imesandbadt
imes
Shewi
l
lal
way
s,al
way
sber
ightt
her
e.

Sunnyday
s,ev
ery
bodyl
ovest
hem
Tel
lmebabycany
oust
andt
her
ain
St
ormswi
l
lcome
Thi
sweknowf
orsur
e
Cany
oust
andt
her
ain?

Lov
euncondi
ti
onal
,I
'm notaski
ngj
ustofy
ou
Andgi
rlt
omakei
tlast
I
'
lldowhat
everneedst
obedone.
"

Ifeelhisheartbeatr aceintertwiningwi t
hmi ne.
Ican'thandleitany mor esoIpul lawayandpul l
my selfupwithmyar msaroundhi sneckand
cir
clemyl egsar oundhi swai stwhi l
ehishands
suppor tandcarressmybut t.Iplantsof tki
sses
onhi ssucculentlipsthenmyi nsidesbur stwith
want ,soIgraduatet hekisstoahi gherlevelof
i
ntensi t
yandpassi on.Ihol
dont ohi sneckwi th
onear m whilemyot herhandst rokest heback
ofhisneck.Myt ongueaggr essiv elyexplores
theinsideofhismout hwhilesof tmur mur s
echof rom myt hroat.Hepul l
sawayand
searchesf orconf i
rmat ionandsoInodsl ightl
y
andhi sli
pscur veintoasmi le.Heengul fsmy
mout hwi thhisandst ar tst heagoni zi
ngj ourney
i
nsidet hehouse.Igr i
ndagai nsthi m asIf eel
myl adypar t
sheatupf rom ar ousal yearningfor
somef ri
cti
on.Ihearhi m gr ithi steet hashe
holdsont omybut tandgi vesaf i
rm squeeze.
Hej ogsupt hef l
ightofst airswi thmest il
l i
nhis
armsandwi thoutbr eaki ngasweat ,t
henwe
fi
nallymakeourwayi nt ot hemast erbedr oom.
Hegent l
ythrowsmeont ot hebedandst aresat
everyinchofmybodywi thhi sey est hathav e
nowgr owndar kerwi t
hwant .Her ipsoffhi s
clothesandi sleftinjusthi sbr i
efswi thhi s
monst erformingal argebul ge.Hekneel s
i
nf r
ontofmeandr ipsapar tmyni ghtieand
sli
desi tofffr
om beneat hme.Hei nchescl oser
untilhi
sl i
psareonmi neagai n, butnotf orlong
ashej umpsupandwal kst ot hecl oset.He
reemer geswi t
hsomet hingbehi ndhi sbackand
hepl ungesont opofme.Heni bblesonmy
earl
obewhi
lehishandtr
av el
sdownSouthand
tr
acesci
rcl
esonmycast l
eov ermyboyshor
ts.
Imoaninpleasur
ethenIfeelhi
swarm br
eat
h
agai
nstmyearashespeaks.
Hi
m-"
Trustme.
"
Hegent lygrabshol dorbot hofmyar msand
raisest hem abov emyhead.That '
swhenIhear
thecl inkofhandcuf fslocking.Isighouti n
discomf ortandconcer nbuthecov ersmy
mout hwi t
hhi sandsuckl esonmybot tom li
p.
Het raceshislipsalongmyneckl i
ne, overmy
swol lenbel l
yandr ubshi stongueov ermynav el
.
Hel i
cksal ongmypant yl
ineandher oughly
spr eadsmyl egsapar t
.Hi stonguemakesi ts
wayt omysl i
tovermyunder wearandhegr azes
hist eethov erit
.Iarchmybacki npleasureand
moansof tl
yathislipsandt eethmaki ng
cont actwi thmycast l
e, t
henhegr abshol dof
myunder wearwi t
hhist eethashesl owlysli
des
myunder weardown.Hi shandsf acil
itatethi
s
mot i
onunt ilI
'mleftcompl etelynaked.Hebi tes
hi
sbot tom l ipandl icksitwhenheseesmei n
mynakedgl oryt henhedev oursmycooki ejar
asifhe'sanani mal possessed.Heal t
ernates
betweenl ickingandsucki ngandt henfinall
y
grazeshi st eethonmyt hrobbingnub.Ial most
j
umpupi nf rustrati
onthenIci r
clemyl egs
aroundhi sneckf or
cinghi sfaceont omycast l
e.
Whileheni bblesonmynubhesucksona
fi
ngerandgent lyinsertsit,Igri
ndagainsti tand
hi
si ndulgingi ntensifi
es.Igr oanathowcl oseI
am topeaki ngthenhest ops.
Hi
m-"
Noty
et.
"
Imoani nf r
ustrati
onandhel i
ckstwofi
nger s
theninsertsthem throughmysl i
t.Hestaresat
mei ntentl
yashi sfingersmakecircl
esinside
mycooki ejarandgodeeperanddeeper .Ibite
onmyl i
psashi sotherhandlandsonmyl ef
t
breastwhilehismout hatt
acksmyr i
ghtbreast.
Ibri
ngmyar msl owert otouchhisheadbuthis
handst opsmebef oreIcanmakecont act.
Hi
m-"
Whatdoy
ouwantZi
nhl
e?"
Heasksi nawhisperagai
nstmychest .Ii
gnor
e
him andmoanasmyecst asypeakbuil
dsup
again.Hi
sfinger
spushhar deranddeeper
i
nsideandIy el
pinneedformor e.If
eelmy
ecstasyal
mostr eachi
tspeak,thenhejumps
offthebed.
Me-"
Siy
a."
Iwhi
ne.
Thenhest r
ipsoffhi
sbriefsandhi smonster
spri
ngsfreely
, wi
thi
tsveinsbulgingal
lover.He
l
evelshimselfovermeandIf eelhismonster
sl
apagainstmycast l
e.Hisheadi safewinches
awayfrom mi neasheli
ckshislips.
Hi
m-"
Whati
sitt
haty
ouwantZi
nhl
e?"
Il
ickmyl i
psandbreathethr
ought heachi
ng
needforhimtobeinsideme.Hel owershimsel
f
andtracesci
rcl
eswithhismonsteragainstmy
sl
it,
andhisprecum makescontactwithmy
wet
ness.Heteasesmebyslowlyent
eri
ngan
i
nchofhismonstert
hencomingoutagai
n.
Me-"
Please"
Ipl
eadwi
thhi
m.
Hi
m-"
Tel
lmewhaty
ouwantZi
nhl
e."
It
ryt
ospeakbutnot hingcomesoutasIf i
dget
wi
thmyar ms,Ieventuall
ynudgehim cl
oser
wi
thmyl egswhichmakeshi m chuckl
esoft
ly.
Hefi
nall
ypushesinhal fofhi
smemberandI
gr
oanloudlyasmywal lstryt
oaccommodat e
hi
m.
Hi
m-"
Tel
lme"
Hewhi
sper
s.
Me-"
You.Ev
eryi
nchofy
ou.
"
Hesmi l
eswidel
ythenthrust
sinhardanddeep
theremaini
nghal
fofhismonst er
.Hepull
s
himsel
foutandmyi nsi
desthrobinpl
easure
andpain.
Hi
m-"
Arey
ousur
e?"
Inodl
i
keaschool
gir
lint
roubl
efort
hef
ir
stt
ime.
Thenhet hrust
sinwit
hnomer cy.Ev
eryt
hrusti
s
deeperandi smetbyamoanandgr oanfr
om
thebothofus.Hispaceincreasesandhi
s
thrust
sintensi
fyashecaresseseachofmy
breasts
Hepul lsmet otheedgeoft hebedandst ands
withhim stil
l i
nsidemeandher aisesmyl eg
andr estsitonhi sshoulderwhi l
eheki ssesmy
ankleandni bblesonmyt oes.I '
m almostov er
theedget henhest opsmov ingwhilehis
monst erissnuggl eddeepi nsideofme
touchingev erycornerandpl easurespoti nsi
de.
Igri
ndmyhi psagainsthim buthehol dsmest i
ll
.
Hi
m-"
Who'
sthemanoft
hishouse?
"
Heaskswi t
haut hori
ty.Ilaughsoft
lyandIsee
thei
ntensi
tyinhiseyessoIbi t
emyl i
psinorder
toshutup.Hegr absmybr eastwit
honehand
andmassagesi tthenlickshisthumband
massagesmypulsati
ngnub.Hest
art
smovi
ng
agai
n,har
derandI'
m nowscreami
ngatt
het
op
ofmylungs.
Hi
m-"
Whoset
hemanoft
hishouse?
"
Me-"
You!Youar
eSi
ya!You'
ret
heman!
"
Iscr
eam asIf
eel
mysel
fti
pov
er.
Hefli
psmeov erandentersmef rom behi
nd
andmyl egsquiveratthepleasur
e.Hishand
doesn'
tl
osecont actwithmynubwhi l
ehisot
her
handcontinuestocaressmybr easts.
Him-"
Arey
oudonesul
ki
ng?I
'
myourman
r
ight
?"
Me-"
Yes!Yesy
ouar
ebaby
!"
Histhrustsarefasteranddeeperandjustwhen
I
'm abouttot umbleov erhef
li
psmeov erand
l
if
tsmeof fthebed.Heenci r
cleshisneckwith
mycuf fedhandsandwr apsmyl egsaroundhi
s
waistandwal ksovertot het
allwindowwi t
hme.
Heput smyhandsabov emyheadashe
support
smybackandmakesmel
eanagai
nst
thewindow.
Hi
m-"
Iwantt
oseey
oucum.
"
Mywhol ebodyt r
emblesasIreachmypeakand
toppleov er.Heholdsont
omybodyandaf ew
deept hrustslat
erheshoutsmynamei n
ecstasy.Hepl onksontoachaircl
osebywi t
h
him sti
llinsidemeandwest ayinthatposi
ti
on
try
ingt oregulat
eourbreathi
ng.
Oncewecat chourbr eath,hestandswithhis
membersnuggl edinsideofme, placesmeon
thebedandr eachesfort hekeysandunlocks
thecuffsandt hrowst hem totheside.Herol
ls
usov erandI'm ontopofhi m, It
rytoshif
toffof
him buthepul l
smet ohi schestandst r
okesmy
backgent l
y.
Hi
m-"Iwon'
tdoanyt
hingi
fyoudon'twantme
t
o.Ij
ustwantt
ostayl
iket
hisf
orever.
"
Ir
ollt
omysi
deandrestmyheadonhischest
whil
emyl
egwrapsi
tsel
far
oundhim andhi
s
monst
ersti
l
ltuckedi
nsi
deofme,
thenwef
all
i
ntoacal
m sleep.

Inthemiddl
eofthenightI'
m wokenupbyhi m
gri
ndingagai
nstmeandIf eelhi
smonstergrow
i
nsidemebyt hesecond.Thefol
lowi
ngmi nutes
areoccupi
edbygentlelov
emakingunti
ldawn.
I'
m wokenupi nt
hemor ni
ngbyadr eam wher e
mymom shout smyname.Ishootmyey es
openandsl ideof
fthebed.Imakemywayt o
thebathroom butIhearmymom' sv oi
ce
shouti
ngoutmynamedownst air
s.Igr aba
gownandheaddownst air
sfrazzl
ed, andt here
sheis,ZamokuhleKhumal ostandingont he
bott
om st ep.
Me-"
Ma?
"
Isaywi
thaconf
usedl
ookonmyf
ace.
Shewal
kstowar
dst
hel
oungeandIf
oll
ow
behi
ndher
.
Me-"
Uhmm unj
ani
ma?
"
Her-"Unj
anima?(howareyoumom? )That'
s
notgoingtofl
yZinhl
eKhumalo!LoSiy
abonga
Nyathiwakhoushadi
le?(
Thi
sSiyabongaNyathi
ofyoursismarri
ed?)
"
Sheshout
sasshefol
dsherarmsacrossher
chestwhi
l
eIf
idgetwi
thmyfinger
s.
[
04/
18,
16:
32]Wdz:
[63]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
If
iddl
ewithmythumbsunt
ilI
'
m st
art
ledby
mom shouti
ngagai
n.
Mom-" ShouldIasky
ouagain?PerhapsI
st
utt
ered.Zinhl
eKhumal
o,isSiyabongaNyat
hi
marr
ied?"
Me-"
Uhmm ma,
sitdown.I
'
llmakeyousome
t
eaandwecant
alkaboutt
hispr
operl
y.
"
Mom-"
DidIsayt
hatngi
funai
ti
yel
akho?(
ThatI
wanty
ourt
ea?
)"
Me-"Noma, okayl
etmeexpl
ain.Pl
easecanwe
si
tfi
rstt
hough."
Shesighsandsi
tsononeoftheoneseat
er
couchesandIsi
topposi
teher
.
Me-"
Wel
lma,
asIwassay
ingIcanexpl
ain.
"
Si
ya-"
No,
letme.Sawubonama.
"
Siyawalksintothel
oungewi thacasual gri
non
hisface,weari
ngjeansandav estandgi ves
mom hi shandtoshake.Mom seemsl essthan
i
mpr essedasshesnar esatthegest ureand
fol
dsherar msindisgust.Si
yasi ghsloudlyand
l
ev el
shimselfgentl
yont hecouchasmom
l
ooksathi m expect
edly.
Si
ya-"
Wel
lma,
itsl
ovel
ytoseey
ouagai
n."
Mom r
oll
sherey
eswhenSi
yaf
lashesasmi
l
e.
Mom-"Lendodayakhoi
bingaf
il
e?(
Wasn'
tthi
s
manofyear
sdead?)"
Sheasksfocusingherattenti
ononme.Igave
anurgetolaugh,butIsuppressi
twhenIcan
al
mostseef umescomi ngoutofmymot her
's
ear
s.
Me-"
Ma,
wespokeaboutt
hisont
hephone.
"
Her-"Youdi dn'
ttellmet hatyouwereli
ving
together!Futhiangizi
lelangaley
onto(besi
des,
I
'm nother eregardingthat.
)Thisist
hethird
ti
meI 'm askingthisverysimplequest
ion,
uSiyabongaNy at
hi i
smar ri
ed?"
Shesay
sasshenar
rowsherey
ebr
ows.
Si
yafacest
hef
loorforafewmoment
sthen
fi
nal
l
yclear
shi
sthroat.
Him-" Welltr
uthbetol d,y
es, IWASmar ried.My
mar ri
agehasbeendi ssol
v edt hough.WhenI
metZi nhle,
Iwasi nthepr ocessofsepar ati
on
withmyexwi feandIdi dn'tdisclosemyst atus
toher ,soshewascompl et el
yi nthedark.I
didn'tinf
orm herbecauseadi v or
cedecreewas
mer elyaformali
tysincemymar r
iagehadbeen
pr
iort
omeet
ingy
ourdaught
er.
"
I'
vebecomemut eandI '
m gladthatSiyahas
takenchar
ge, I
'
m al sorel
ievedthathe'
s
equit
ti
ngmeofanypar tIhadinthisaffai
r,I
knowit'
sterr
ible,butI'
vealreadydroppeda
massivebombonher .

Mom staresatt
hebothofusint
ent
lythenhuf
fs
l
oudly.Hermouthcur
vesint
oasarcasti
csmil
e
assher ummagesthr
oughherbagandtakes
hercell
phoneout
.
Her
-"Thenwhat
'st
his?
"
Sheaskswhi l
ehol dinguphercel l
phonescr een
tofactus.Isnat chitfrom herhandbecauseI
seeSiyaont hescr een.Itakeacl oserlookand
i
t'sapictureofSi y
aandEv e.Siya'
swear i
nga
tuxandEv ei
swear i
ngar edsilkeveninggown
withasli
tt hatreachesherhi pbone.Theyseem
tobedanci ng,andobl ivi
oustot hecamer asthat
wereobv iousl
ysur roundingthem.Myt rembli
ng
fi
nger
sscrolldownandIseethecapti
on:"Mr&
MrsNyat
hi openi
ngthedanci
ngflooratannual
shar
ehol
der'sGaladi
nner
."
Mom-"
Thi
swasj
ustt
woday
sago,
right
?"
Ihandbackmom herphoneandsitbackdown
nextt
oSiya.Iconcealever
yemot
ionI'
mfeel
ing
andbit
emyl i
pst hatar
enowquiv
eri
ng.
Siya-"Yes,t
hatwasami spr
int.She'
sdef
init
ely
myexwi feandwellshe'
spartofour
fundraisi
ngcommi tt
ee,sot
hatwouldexplai
n
herbei ngi
nattendance.
"
Mom-" Hmm,soyourexwif
ewast her
e,butmy
daught
er,t
hewomanwhom y ouprocl
aimedyou
planondoi
ngri
ghtby,washeret
widdl
ingher
thumbs?Hheh!
"
Shecl
apsandl
aughssar
cast
ical
l
y.
Si
ya-"I
twasperdoct
or'
sor
der
sthatshest
ays
athome."
Mom-"
Sonowshecan'
tspeakf
orher
sel
fei
ther
?
Di
dthedoct
oral
sopr
escr
ibet
hat
?"
Mom r
aisesherey
ebr
ow.
Me-"
Iwasn'
tupforal
ongbusi
nesstr
ipma,
I
wasfi
newit
hstayi
ngher
e.Canigety
ousome
t
ea?"
IwantanescapebecauseIcanf
eel
thewal
l
s
cav
inginonme.
Mom-"
No!
"
Siya-"
I'
m gl
adyoucamema, I
'v
ebeenthi
nki
ng
thatIneedt
odiscusspay
ingdamagesbef
ore
thetwinsar
eborn."
Mom-" Inevert
houghtI'ddi
scussdamages
regar
dinganyofmychi ldr
en.Ial
waysassumed
thatt
heonlynegotiat
ionsIwouldhav
ewould
bethatofil
obolo.
"
Si
ya-"
Hopef
ull
ysoon,
thatcanbeont
hecar
ds
aswel
l.
"
Hesaysashehol
dsont
omyhand.Idon'teven
bot
hersnat
chi
ngi
tawaybecauseIdon'
twant
mom t
orai
seev
enmor
econcer
nsorquest
ions.
Mom-"Doesyourwi
f eknowaboutyournew
l
ivi
ngarr
angement
sandt hef
actt
hatyou'
re
aboutt
obecomeaf athertot
wobabies?"
Siy
a-" Exwifema.Frankly
, i
t'
snoneofher
business,butyesshedoesknow.I fZi
nhleat
anytimef eelsuncomfort
ablewit
hmypr esence
here,I
'll
leave.Wejustagreedonthisforthe
ti
mebei ngbecauseoft hepregnancy.
"
Thetensi
oninther
oom t
hickenssoIdeci
det
o
changethesubj
ect
.
Me-"
Ma,
Iwanty
out
ofeel
somet
hing.
"
Iwalkov ertohercouchandsi tonthear mrest
.
Igrabherar m andplaceitonmybel lyand
thankfull
ytheycontinuekicki
ngsli
ghtly.Mom's
eyeslightupandbr eatheasighofrelief,
at
l
eastshe' sdist
ract
edf ornow.Siy
at akesout
hisphoneandsnapsaf ewphotosthen
disappears.
Mom-" I
shet reati
ngyouri
ghtthough?Inever
wantyout ogot hr
oughanykindofabuseev er
agai
n,especiall
ywhil
eI'
m sti
l
l al
ive.I
'
vefai
l
ed
youbefore,pl
easehelpmeensur eitnev
er
happensagain.Areyouhappy? "
Iki
ssherhandandhol
dont
oitt
ight
ly.
Me-"MoresothanIthoughtwaspossi
ble.Our
r
elat
ionshi
pisn'
tper
fect,
buthe'
sthefat
herof
mykidsandIlovehi
m withmyentir
ebeingma."
Siya-"Il
oveyoumore.
"Hesaysashewalksi
n
theloungecarr
yingat
raywi
thsomejui
ceand
muf fi
ns.

Wespendthefoll
owi
nghourscat
chi
ngupand
t
alki
ngaboutourser
iest
hatweusedtowat
ch
t
ogether
.
Mom-" I
'm notsureI'
m pleasedwiththisli
vi
ng
si
tuat
ion.IknowIshoul dgiveyouy ourspacet
o
fl
ouri
sh,butjustknowthatI'm agai
nstthis.
"
Si
ya-"
Iunder
standma,
itst
empor
ary
,we
pr
omise.
"
Mom gi
vesusbot
hablankstaresoIdeci
det
o
showherar
oundt
hepenthouse.
Aft
eralengt
hil
ytour
,I'
mreadyt
ogobackto
bedandSiyaseemstobereadi
ngmymind.
Siy
a-"Wel
lthankyouf
orthev i
sitma, y
ou
shoul
dcomebacksoon.Oh, andI'l
linf
orm my
famil
ymember st
ocontacty
our sregardi
ngthe
damages.
"
Mom chucklessof t
lyandshakesherhead.She
thencomescl osertomeandhol dsmeinher
armsforwhatf eel
slikefor
ever,
butI'
m not
complai
ning,shefeelsli
kehome.

Mom f
inal
l
yleavesandIheadt
omyr
oom wi
th
Si
yaonmyheels.
Hi
m-"
Iknowy
oupr
obabl
ywantmet
oexpl
ain?
"
Me-"
Whatar
eyout
alki
ngabout
?"
Him-"Thewhol
eEv et
hing.Iknowthatyou'
re
conf
usedwithherbei
ngatt hegal
adinner?
"
Igi
vehim ablankst
areasIt
akemyphoneand
scr
oll
throughit.
Hi
m-"WellIcanexpl
ain,
it'
sdef
ini
tel
ynotwhat
i
tseems,
whathappenedwast hat.
."
Ihol
dupmyhand.
Me-"
It
'sf
ine,
noneedt
oexpl
ain.
"
Igi
vehi
m abr
iefsmi
l
e.
Me-"
Ineedtotakeaqui
ckshowert
henI'
ll
makelunch,
doyouhavepl
ansfort
oday
?"
Hi
m-"
Zinhl
e..
"
Me-"
Doy
ou?
"
Him-"Ineedt
ogotoaf
ewmeet
ings,
butIcan
canceli
fyouwant
."
Me-"No,ofcour
senot
.Youdon'thav
etodo
t
hat.I
'l
lj
ustseeyoul
atert
hen.
"
Iwal
ktohi
m andgi
vehi
m aki
ssont
hecheek
t
henr
unt
othebat
hroom.

*
*ZI
YANDA*
*
Ifeelli
keI '
vebeenl ockedupi nt hisr oom f or
years,ev er
ysecondt hatgoesbyf eelsl i
kean
hour.I'
m gr ateful t
oSi y
af ormaki ngmyst ay
hereascomf ortableascanbe, it
'sl i
kebei ng
confinedt oahot elsuit
e.Ifitwer en'tfort he
dozensofdoct orsandnur sest hatr evolvei n
andoutofmyr oom, I'
dhonest lyf eelasi fIwer e
onhol iday.Howev er,It
hinkI '
mr eadyt ol eav e
thi
spl acenow, Ihav etoomucht i
meonmy
hands, andt hatcausesmet ot hi
nk, whi ch
i
nadv ertentl
ymakesmehat emyl if
eev enmor e.
Iknowt hatifIst ayhereanyl onger ,I'
llendup
beingapsy chiatricpati
ent.

Someonet hat
'sbeenf
il
li
ngthel
onel
yhour
sis
Brandon.Ihadtoconf
ir
m wit
hSiyai
fhewas
l
egiti
mateandcouldbetrust
ed,
andSiy
a
vouchedf orhim soIwel comedhi sdail
yvi
sits.
Hev i
sitsevery day,
mor ethant wiceadayal ot
ofthet i
mes, andI '
m scaredtosayt hatIsee
himinadi fferentli
ght.I
'veloosenedupabi t
aroundhim, butI '
m surehest i
lldepict
smeas
anupt i
ghtandaggr essi
veper son,becauseI
haven'tshownanyador ationforhimi nthe
sl
ightest.

BrandonandIspeakaboutev erything,wel lhe

doesmostoft hetalkingbecauseI 'm notf all
ing
i
nt othattrapofbei ngt ranspar entwi thmy
feeli
ngsagai n.He'st oldmeabouthi sbusi ness
endeav ors,hisfri
endsandhi senemi es, and
evenhi spastr el
ationships.Ther e'
sonei n
parti
cularthatheal way sdr if
tof fto, thatended
manyy earsago.Appar entlyhel eftt ogoabr oad
forwor kreasons, hewasi nt hebegi nning
stagesofbecomi nghi sf ather'spr otégésohe
tempor ari
lylefthi
sgi rl
friend/fiancéher eint he
countryandshewassoont ofollowandl i
ve
withhi m.Hesoundsasi fhenev erhadany
closur er
egardi
ngthi
sr elationship,becausethe
hurtinhiseyesisevidentwhenhespeaks
abouthi sex;howshedi sappear edandst opped
takingandmaki ngcall
s, howshecal ledhis
fatheronedayt el
l
inghimt hatshehadmov ed
on, andhowhecamet or eal i
zey earslat
erthat
shehadmar ri
edoneofhi sf r
iends.Whenev er
het alksabouther
,Iseehi sey eschangeand
hismooddampen, Iguesssher eall
yhurthim.

Brandonhasconv incedmet oseea

psy chol
ogi str
egar dingtheshoot ingandwhat
Briandidt ome, l
i
ttledoesheknowt hatI've
beendodgi ngfigurativ
ebul l
etsmyent i
relife.I
hav en'
ttoldhim aboutmypast ,sohet hinks
thatI'm damagedbecauseofBr ian,and
thereforeI'vealsopl ayedon.Thepsy chologist
i
sschedul edtocomei ntoday,Br andonsai d
he'dintroduceusbecauseshe' sanol dfriend
from hisv arsi
tyday s,andhesay sshe' soneof
t
hef
ewpeopl
ethathecant
rust
.

Iml y
inginbedappl yi
nglipglossonmylips,
prepari
ngforBr andon'
sar r
ivalwhenatalland
sl
enderwomanswi ngsthedooropen.She
gi
v esmeawi desmi l
eandl ocksthedoor
behindherasshest r
utstowar dsme.I
fr
antical
lysearchforthepani cbut
tonwithmy
fr
eehand, butshesnat chesmyhandawayt hen
gi
v esmeabr iefsmi l
e.
Her-"
Relax,I
'
mt hepsychologi
st.Ionlyl
ocked
thedoorsothatwearen'tdist
urbed.Thi
sisa
safeenvi
ronment.
"
Shewi
nksatmeandst
rokesmyar
m.
Me-"
Where'
sBr
andon?Hesai
dhe'
dcomei
n
wi
thyou.
"
Her-"
He'
sheldup,soIdeci
dedtocomeonmy
own.Hemightj
oinuslat
er,okay
?Shereaches
overmeandanaly
zesmyI Vandthat
'
swhenI
seeherI Dphotoonherwhitecoat ,andIreali
ze
thatthere'
snoresemblancebet weenthephot o
andthewomanhov er
ingov ermer ightnow.My
heartstart
sbeati
nguncontrollabl
yasIst ar
eat
theshorthair
edwomani nf
r ontofme.
Her-"
Looksl
ikeyou'
rebr
eaki
ngasweat
,let
'st
ry
cal
my oudown."
Sheretr
ievesasyr
ingefrom hercoatandI
presshardonthepanicbutt
ont hentr
ytopl
ead
withher.
Me-"Pl
ease,I
'm beggi
ngy
ou,
don'
tdot
his!I
don'
tevenknowy ou!"
Shel
aughssar
cast
ical
l
y.
Her -"Doy ouknowhowl ongItr
iedget t
ing
Brian'sat tenti
ony earsago?Mebei ngpr egnant
wasn' tr easonenoughf orhimtocal lmeback,
andher ey ouareget ti
ngdai l
yvi
sitsfrom
someoney oubarelyevenknow.Wel l,
het ook
myBr ian, soI'
llt
akehi spreci
ouslittl
eZiy anda,
that'sy ournamer ight
?"
Sheinser
tsthesyri
ngeint
omyI Vandreleases
thetr
ansparentl
i
quidint
oit.Iscream l
oudly,
butshecoversmyf acewit
hapi l
low.
Her
-"Ssshhhh.
"
Iyankoutt heIVsy ri
ngef rom myar m and
screechatt hepain.Itrypushherof fme, but
myv i
sionblursandmybr eathingisshort
er .I
kickherandj umpof fthebedwhenIhearher
tumbl eontothefloor.Icrawl t
ot hedoorand
managet ounlockit,butasI '
m abouttotur nthe
handlemyey esinvoluntari
lycloseandIdr opt o
thegr ound.IhearBrandon' svoicefr
om a
distancebutIseehi sshadowr ighti
nfrontof
me.
Hi
m-"
Khany
i?Yv
ett
e?"
Theni
t'
sli
ght
soutf
orme.
[
04/
18,
16:
34]Wdz:
[64]

*
*SI
YA*
*
Yetagain,I
'm percei
vedt obet hebadguy
regardi
ngtheEv eordeal.Iwasgoi ngtot el
l
Zinhl
eaboutEv eassoonasIgothome, but
thenIsawourmunchki nsandt henIwas
fort
unateenought obepr esentduringthose
moment sthattheydecidedt okickandl etus
knowt hatthey'
reokay.That '
smypr oudest
momentasadadsof ar
, sohowwasIt or ui
nit
withdepressingnewsaboutEv e?

ThedayIl eftanddeclinedZinhl
e'srequestto
tagalongtomybusi nesstri
p,Ihadascor eto
settl
eandIdi dn'twanthergetti
nginvolvedany
mor ethansheal readywas,soIf i
guredthatt
he
l
esssheknew, thebet t
erforbothofus.My
reasonforleavingwasn'tenti
rel
ybasedonal ie,
Ididhaveaf ewmeet i
ngswi t
haf ewassociates
andt hegaladinnerwasmandat ory
,Ionly
omi t
tedthepar tregar
dingEve,sothat'
snot
beingdishonest.
Ideci dedt ol ur eEv eoutofwhi chev erhol eshe
washi dingi n, soIi nvitedhert ot hegal adinner
.
Iknewt hatshewasdesper ateandf r
ant icfr
om
thesuddendi sappear anceofherboy f ri
end
Brian, t
her efor eIknewt hatshe' dbemor e
i
ncl i
nedt oacceptmyi nvite.Shewasmost
probabl ypl ottingandpl anni nghernextmov e
withoutBr ian, butl osinghi m meantt hatshe
wasv ulnerabl eandsoIhadt ocapi t
alizeon
that.Sendi ngherani nv it
at i
onwasal ongshot ,
butIhadt ot r
ustmyi nst i
nctandhopet hat
alt
houghourent iremar ri
agewasal i
e, Iwas
ablet olear natl eastsomeofhert actics.I
neededt omeethersomewher epubl ic, whereI
wascer taint hatourencount erwoul dbe
phot ographedandbl astedonv arious
newspaper sandt hei nternet ,Ij
ustassumed
thatwe' dbedepi ctedasf riendlyex' s,butt hose
i
nef fi
cientj our nalistsdi dn'tgett hememo.Thi s
wasal lsot hati fshesuddenl ydi sappear edor
wasf ounddeadi nsomeal ley, Iwouldn'tbea
suspect .Ihaddeci dedt or eli
nqui shmy
punishmentf orEv et oBr andonandPat r
ick
Evans, asmuchasIwant edt odr i
veabut cher
kniferi
ghtt hroughherchest ,Zinhlewasr i
ght ,
I'
m aboutt obeaf ather,Ican' tbeamur der eras
well.Ineededt ohav eonel astconv ersation
withEv e, Ineededt oseef ormy sel
fthatt hel ife
Ihadshar edwi ththiswomanwasal laf arce,
andhopef ul
lyseesomer emor seofsomeki nd, I
guessIneededcl osur e.It'
sdi fficul
ttoopenup
aboutt hatt ot hewomant hatI 'veproclaimed
myl ovef or ,becauseI '
m sur et hati t
's
i
ncompr ehensi bl
et hatI'dwantcl osurefr om t he
womant hat '
scausedsomuchdest ructi
on, but
beingliedt oov eraper i
odofy earsisament al
setback, ther e'
snoal gorithm i ndeal i
ngwi thi t
,
yougot hr ought hemot ions.Ican' texplaint hat
toZinhlewi thouthert hi
nki ngI '
m st i
lli
nlov ewi t
h
Eveandwantt or econci l
ewi t
hher .It
'sgoi ngt o
beev enhar dert oexpl aint hatI '
vedoneal lof
thist
osecur easaf eandpr osperousfuturefor
usandt hekids,andnowt hatMam' Khumal o,
Zinhl
e'smom hasmor ei nfor
mat i
onthanshe
should,thi
shast urnedi ntoanev entri
ckier
sit
uation,Ij
usttookf orgr ant
edthat
mam' Khumal o'
sboy fri
endwoul doccupyher
ti
meenoughnott owat chent er
tainmentnews.

Thatinti
matephot ographwast akenatthe
wrongt i
me.Megazi ngint
oherey esthewayI
wassuggest sthatIwasr eclai
mingmyl ovefor
her,
butont hecont rar
y.Iwast r
yingtoreel
in
theangerandhat r
edIhavet owardsherfor
wasti
ngsomeoft hebesty ear
sofmyl i
feand
betr
ayingmei nt hemostuni maginabl
eway .I
waslookingatt hewomanwhosel i
feIwanted
todestroy,
justnotend, sonowI '
mt hebadguy
agai
nandI 'm hardlysurpr
ised.
I
'm gl
adthatZinhl
eisbei
ngcal
mr egardi
ngthi
s
Evethi
ng,buthercal
mnessischi
l
lingandis
maki ngmeev enmor euncomfort
able.I
t'
slike
she'splanni
ngsomet hi
ngcatastr
ophicbeneath
thoseangeli
cey esandIhatethatI'
vebrought
somuchupheav ali
ntoherli
fe.

Myphonehasbeenr i
ngingnonst opandi t'
s
most l
ycallsf r
om Br andonandPat rick,butI
can'tbri
ngmy selftoanswer ingmyphone,
becauseIhav eahuncht hatitwon' tbegood
newsandt hatwi llf
orcemei ntoleav ingZinhl e
aloner i
ghtnow, andfranklyIdon' ttrusther.I
fearthatI'
llcomebackt oanempt yhouse, and
themer ethoughtoft hatmakest her oom spin.
I'
vegotr oundt heclockguar dpr ot ectionforher
andot herstateoft hear tsecuritymeasur esi n
placetoensur ehersaf ety
,andal soensur ethat
shedoesn' tleave.Hermot hergai nedaccess
becauseher swasoneoft hephot ogr aphsI
uploadedont ot hesecur it
ydat abase, soas
soonasshepeepst hrought hepeephol eint he
door,itautomat ical
lyopensf orher ,herti
mi ng
wasj ustlesst hanperfectthi
smor ni
ngthough.
SoI 'm notl eavingthi
shouseunt i
lZinhl
eandI
arei nanev enbet t
erspacet hanlastnight,I
don' tcarehowmanyhandcuf fs,whipsand
thrust i
ngi ttakesZinhl
eandIwi llbehappyby
theendoft oday ,
wedeser veit.Ican'tl
oseher
phy sicall
y, butanemot ionaldisconnectthati
s
i
rrepar ablei swhatwoul dkillme.
Mythought
sofgetti
ngbackint
oZinhl
e'sgood
booksar
einter
rupt
ed,andi
t'
sPatr
ick.

Me-"
MrEv
ans,
I'
mint
hemi
ddl
eofsomet
hing,
canI
..
"
Patr
ick-"
ShutupSi
ya!Wehav
eapr
obl
em on
ourhands.
Me-"Whatdoy
oumean?Whatar
eyout
alki
ng
about
?"
Him-"
Well
ifyouansweredt
hephonethepast
365ti
mesIcall
ed,
perhapst
hiscoul
dhavebeen
av
oided.
"
Me-"
Gett
othepoi
ntpl
ease.
"
Iwal
ktot
heki
tchenandsi
tonahi
ghchai
r.
Hi
m-"
Yourwi
fe,
sheescaped.
"
Me-"Howthehel
ldi
dthathappen?Jesus
Pat
ri
ck!"
Hi
m-"
Cal
m downboy
,ther
e'smor
e."
Isi
ghl
oudl
y.
Me-"
Howcoul
dyoul
ett
hishappen?
"
Him-"SpeaktothatweakboyBr andon,he'smy
son,buthe'
snotv erysharp.Heor der
edt he
ment osetupEvei nhiscondoandnott he
warehouseorcont ai
ner,
soshewasn' t
necessar
il
ycapturedorhel dhostage.
"
Me-"
Whywouldhedothat
?Heknows
ev
ery
thi
ngshe'
sdonet
ohim!"
Him-"Iguessi
twasbecauseoft
hei
rpast
,he
neverreal
l
ygotoverher
.Sohesai
dheneeded
tohaveonelastconv
ersati
onwit
hherinanon
thr
eateni
ngenvir
onment.Sheobvi
ousl
y
escaped.
"
Me-"
Thei
rpast
?"
Him-"That'snotwhyI
'm cal
l
ing.Iknewshewas
aslutafterhi
smoneybackt henandshe'sjust
provenitnow.Worstpar
tisthatshe'si
ncluded
yoursist
erinlawtoo.
"
Me-"
What
?"
Ishout
.
Him-"Thegir
lthat
'sbeeninhospit
al f
ort
he
l
ongestti
mef orameaslygunshotwound?Ev e
gottoherandalmostkil
ledherforformi
nga
rel
ati
onshi
pwi t
hBrandon.Youboy sli
kethem
crazyhey!
"
Hechuckl
esl
oudl
yunt
ilhechokes.
Me-"
Ziy
anda?Ev
etr
iedt
oki
l
lZi
yanda?
"
Him-"Gotothehospi
talandfi
ndoutf
or
your
self
,I'
m nonewsreport
er.
"
Wit
hthathehangsupandIt
hrowmyphoneon
t
hekit
chencounter
.
Zi
nhle-"
Ist
her
esomet
hingwr
ongwi
th
Zi
yanda?"
Zinhleaskswi t
htearsthreateni
ngtofalldown
herf ace.Ihuf
fandlookaway .Asmallpartof
medi eswhenshecries,especial
lyi
fIhav e
somet hi
ngtodowithther easonbehi
ndher
tears.

*
*ZI
YANDA*
*
Myey esf l
utt
eropen, butIf ai
ltokeept hem
open.Myv i
sioni sblurryandIseet woshadows
from afar
,Itrytosqui nt,butmyey esareheav y
soIst optheur get otryandIj ustshutthem
closed.Iknowt hatI'
m st i
l
linhospi t
alfrom the
l
oudbeepi ngnoi sesoft hemachi nesandt heIV
that'
sconnect edt omyhandaswel lasthe
uncomf ort
ableoxy genmaskt hat'
ssmot heri
ng
mynose.Ihearwhi speringv oi
cesi nthef ar
cornerofther
oom andIassumet hati
ts
doctorsornur
sesassessingmysituat
ion,but
thenIhearafamil
i
arvoice,Br
andon'svoice.
Him-"
Khanyisi
l
e,di
dyouseewhaty
ou'
vedone?
Lookather
!"
Her
-"Whataboutwhatyoudidtomey
ear
sago?
Ormywell
beingdi
dn'tmatt
er?"
Hi
m-"Whatar
ey out
alki
ngabout?Youmov
ed
onandsai
dIshoul
dforgetabouty
ou!
"
Her-"
WhywouldIsaythatespeci
all
yifIwas
car
ryi
ngoutf
ir
stchil
d?"
Hi
m-"
What
?"
Her-"
Nowy ouhav eamnesi a?Youdon' t
rememberhowmuchofacowar dy ouwer ethat
yousentyourf athertobreakupwi thmeaf t
erI
sentyouthatlongemai l
tell
ingyouI'm pregnant
?
Orhowy oustar t
edi gnori
ngev er
yef f
ortImade
tocommuni catewi thyou?Youdi sappeared
whenIneededy oumost !"
Him-"You..youwer epregnant?Thenwhydi d
youtellmyf atherthaty ouweredonewithme
andnol ongerwant edt ojoinmeabroad?
Khanyi,youdisappear edonme!Doy ouknow
howmanysl eeplessni ghtsIhadaft
ergett
ing
report
sofy ouandy ournewmanasi fInever
exist
ed?Ihadst ar
tedbui l
dingourhomewher e
I'
dhopedwe' dfil
lwithdozensofkids."

Thewomanl aughsl oudl

yandIwantt omov e,
butIcanbarelyfeelanypartofmybody.Tears
fl
owdownmyf aceasItrytomov emyhands
andthinkofthescarypossibi
li
ti
esof
permanentl
ybei ngi
nt hi
svegetat
ivest
ate.
[04/
18,16:
36]Wdz:
Hav
eabl
essedSunday
ever
yone!

[
65]
*
*SI
YA*
*
I'
mi nmycardr ivingl ikeamani act ot he
hospital t
ogett hef ullstoryr egar dingZi yanda
andhowBr andoncoul dbesuchanuncer tifi
ed
mor on.Thel i
esIhadt ocookupt ot ellZinhle
yetagai n,luckilywor ked.Shedi dn'theart he
compl etest ory,all shehear dwasZi yanda' s
namesoIhadt ospi nitsoshewoul dn'tgoi nto
premat urel abor .It oldhert hatZi y andai s
getti
ngdi schar gedsoon, sosi nceIwasi n
chargeofhermedi cal decisions, Ihadt osi gna
fewpaper s.Zi nhledi dn'taskanyquest i
ons,
howev erIcoul dt el lthatshewasf umi ngf rom
thenumer ousoi lst hatshewasr ubbi ngal lover
herbodybef oreIl ef t.Shewasdi ffusingal l
kindsofscent si nal mostev eryr oom oft he
house, byt het imeIl eftthehouse, i
twas
smel l
ingl i
keabur ningf lowerf orest .That '
show
Iknewt hatshewasonedge, shet oldmeonce
thatdiffusingandappl yi
ngcer tai
nessent ialoil
s
onspeci f
icpr essur epoi nt sonherbodyhel ps
calm herdown.Whenshet ol
dme, Ilaughed
uncont rollably,expectinghertodot hesame,
butt urnsout , shewasser i
ous.Soser i
ousi n
factt hatmyl aughtercausedhert ot earup.
Thatday ,Ihadal otofgr ovel
ingt odosoI
endeduphumor ingherandaskedhert oshow
me.Foraboutt wentymi nutesIwashergui nea
pig,myst resswasal levi
ated,Icoul df eelmy
bloodpr essur edecreaseandIf eltcont ent.That
newf oundf eel i
ngwasn' tsolelyat tr
ibutedt o
thisal t
ernat i
vel i
festy
leshewasi ntroducingme
to,itwasseei ngt helightinherey esandher
brightsmi l
et hatmadeal lt
hest ressesoft he
wor lddisappear .Seeingherexci tedmademe
feel warm andf uzzyinside,it
'snotaf eeli
ngthat
Icoul dexpl ain,butIletherbel i
evet hatmy
stressr eli
efwasduet ohervoodoomet hods.

Mycarcomest oascr eechinghalti

nthe
hospit
al par
kinglotandIruninsidetoZiy
anda'
s
fl
oor.IruntoZiyanda'ssuit
eandIr eal
i
zethat
she'sswarmedbydoct orsandnur ses,oneof
whichblockmef r
om entering.Isighindefeat
anddecidet ocooloffinanof fi
ceont hesame
fl
oorthatIknowi svacant ,
sinceIhadmostof
theroomsbl ockedfrom useont hisf
loorfor
Ziyanda'
ssaf et
y.IentertheofficeandI'mt aken
abackbyt hesightbeforeme, myexwi fewi t
h
Brandon'
st onguedownhert hroat.
Iclearmythroatloudl
yandt hatseemsto
start
lethem becausetheyreleaseeachot
her
andf i
ddlewiththei
rcl
othing.
Ilookateachoft hem longandhar d,shaki
ng
myheadi nthepr ocess,it
'sthent hatIreal
ize
thatIhav eonlyoneopt ion.SoIr eachbehind
mybackandt akeoutmygunandr eachinmy
bikerjacketforthesilencer.Iscrewitonwi thi
n
asecondwhi leoheart heirvoicespleadingwith
mef rom adist ance.I
'mi nmyzoneandI '
ve
ejectedthem from it.
Me-"
Brandon,
real
l
y?Iwi
shIcoul
dsayI
'
m
sur
prisedYvett
e,butIt
hinkweallknowthat
cl
osingyourlegsisatr
aityou'
l
lnevermaster
.
Tel
lmeBr andon,howdidshelureyouin?
"
Brandon-"Siyamyman, youdon'
twanttodo
anythingstupi
d.Patr
ickwoul
dkil
lyouina
heartbeati
fanythi
nghappenedtome."
Me-"You' reri
ght ,
butI'
m sur eI'
dber ewarded
forki
ll
ingt hisslutoverher e,ev ent
houghI '
ddo
i
twi t
houtgai ningany t
hing.Ij ustwanttoknow
howy ouj usti
fythiswhol et hing?Mysisterin
l
awi sfightingforherlif
eandy oucomei nhere
foraqui ckiewiththi
shar lot?"
Brandon-"
Khany
i,orshal
lIcal
lherYv
ett
e,i
smy
ex."
Me-"
Ofcour
seshei
s."
Ihuf
floudl
y.
Eve-"
Yoursi
steri
nlaw?Thatteenagerreal
l
y
hasyouwrappedaroundherl
i
t t
lefi
ngerhey?"
Shel
aughssar
cast
ical
l
y.
Me-"Iwouldn'
thav
eitanyot
herway
sweethear
t."
Iwi
nkather
.
Brandon-"Yvett
e,shutup!Si
ya,l
et'
snotresor
t
tocall
ingeachot hernames.I'
l
lexplai
nthi
s
wholemess, let
'sallj
ustsi
tdown."
Me-"Youcanexpl
ainever
ythi
ngevenwi
thher
deadri
ght
?Let'
sgetridofherfi
rst
."
Evegaspsi
nshockandIr
oll
myey
esather
pat
heti
cact
.
Brandon-"
I'
ll
makethi
squi
ck.Rememberwhen
weallusedtohangoutwi
thBri
anbef
oreIl
eft
togoabroad?"
Me-"
Areweser i
ousl
ytakingawalkdown
memorylaner
ightnow,becauseIhavea
pr
egnantwomanIhav etogohomet o.
"
Ev
echuckl
esl
oudl
yandf
oldsherar
ms.
Brandon-"Wel
l,
justbef
oreIlef
tforov
erseas,I
spentlessandl
esstimewithyouandBrian.
Oneoft hereasonswasbecausemydad
wantedmet oforgetaboutBr ianbecausehe
wasn'ti nt
erestedinthefamilybusi nesssodad
sawhi m asdeadwei ght,
theot herreasonwas
becauseIhadaser i
ousrelationshipandI
wantedt ospendev erywakingmomentwi thmy
gir
lfr
iendbef oremydepar ture.WhenIl ef
t,her
andIhadagamepl an.Iwasgoi ngtogoaway
foraf ewmont hswhi l
eshesor tedouther
passpor tandv isaandbankaccount swhere
she'dsendherf amilymoneyonceshewas
abroadandsoon.Shewast of oll
owandl i
v e
withmeper manent l
yonceal l thelooseends
weret ightened."
Me-"
Touchi
ng.
"
Il
ookatmygunt
henatEv
e.
Brandon-"Mydadv iewedmyr el
ati
onshi
pasa
distr
actionthough,mygi r
lf
ri
endwasn'twhi
te
norwassheweal t
hy,sohedecidedtoendthe
relat
ionshipwithouteit
herofusbeingawar
e.
Asy oumayknow, mydadi sn'
taf anoft hef act
thatI'
m halfblack,sothisrel
ati
onshi pwoul d
havebeenadi sasterinhiseyes.Hei ntercepted
ourcommuni cati
on, t
ell
i
ngmygi r
lfri
endt hatI
nol ongerneededherandt el
li
ngmet hatshe
hadmov edon, l
eav i
ngusbot hdev astatedon
opposi t
esidesoft hewor l
dandev idently
withoutcommuni cati
on."
Me-"
WheredoIcomei n?I
'
m st
art
li
ngt
olose
t
heli
tt
lepat
ienceIhav
elef
t!
"
Ishout
.
Brandon-"Myf at
hertol
dusbothtomoveon,
butmygi rl
fr
iendatthatpoi
nthadsomeone
growinginsi
deofher .Mychi
ld.
"
Hehol
dsbackt
het
ear
sthatar
ethr
eat
eni
ngt
o
f
all
.
Brandon-"Soshemovedontheonl
ywayshe
knewhow, byki
l
li
nganypar
tofmethatwasi
n
herli
fe,t
hatincl
udedmybaby.
"
Il
ookathi
mint
ent
ly.
Brandon-"Myf at
herrobbedmeofan
opportunityt
obewi t
ht hewomant hatowned
myhear t.Herobbedmeofbei ngafat
her.The
womant hatIwouldhav eki
ll
edanddiedfor,t
he
womanwhowast obet hemotherofmy
chil
dren,thewomant hatwasmeantt obemy
l
ifepartnerendedupbei ngyours.
"
Me-"Okay
, y
ou'r
egoingt
ohav
etor
efr
ainf
rom
speaki
nginri
ddles.
"
Inar
rowmyey
esathi
m andhesi
ghsl
oudl
y.
Eve-"Ican'tbeli
ev eImarr
iedsuchani di
ot!
Bef or
ewedat edIwaswi thBrandonandmadl y
i
nl ovewithhim.Imayormaynothav e
i
nt ent
ional
lypur suedarelat
ionshi
pwi t
hy ou
becauseImayormaynothav eknownt hatyou
wer econnectedt oBrandon.Atfir
st,It
hought
you'dletsomet hingsli
pabouthim andhisnew
l
ifeorI'dfi
ndhi snumberony ourphone,but
alasIdidn'
t.Atf ir
styouwerear ebound,but
thenonethi
ngl eadtoanotherandour
rel
ati
onshi
pflourished.I
twasobvioust
hat
Brandonwasn'tcomi ngbacksoItri
edmovi
ng
on."
Il
aughl
oudl
y.
Me-"Sincewe'r
ebeingsohonest
.Whywoul
d
youfucktheloveofyourl
i
fe'
sbrot
her
?Who
doesthat?"
Br
andonswal
l
owsal
umpi
nhi
sthr
oat
.
Eve-"Wel l
atfirst
,hewasashoul dertocryon,
youwer enev eraroundtonour i
shour
rel
at i
onshipandal l
owmet hespacet oopenup
toy ou.Thenhehadsomanysi mi l
ari
ti
esto
Brandont hatIfel
tclosertoBrandonsomehow
whenIwaswi t
hhi m.BeforeIknewi t
,Ifound
my selffal
li
nginlovewithhi m.Siya,i
twasn't
per.."
Bef
oreIcanstopmysel
fIchar
gef orherand
wri
ngherneckwit
hmyhandst hathaveveins
bul
gingout
.
Me-"
Shutup!Shutupandj
ustdi
e!"
Ishoutandsmi l
easIseeherey esrollt
othe
backofherhead.I'
mi nterruptedbyf ourorfi
ve
malenursesincl
udingBr andont ackl
emet othe
fl
oor.IseeEvefall
tothef l
oorcoughingand
gaspingforai
rthenBrandonr unstoherside
andcarri
esheroutbridal styl
e.
Me-"
Ifyoudon'
tki
l
lher
,she'
l
ldoi
ttoy
ou,
don'
t
beanidi
ot!
"
Icall
outt
oBr
andonashedi
sappear
sfr
om my
eyes.

OnceI'
m calm enough,thenursesl
eaveme
al
oneintheoffice.Ical
lBrandontonoavai
l
,so
Idi
alPatr
ick.
Me-"Patri
ck,youwereright
.Yoursonisnot
ver
ybright.Hejusthel
pedEv eescapeyetagai
n,
he'
sbeenbr ai
nwashedbyherchar m.He
doesn'
tunderstandthatshe'
snotthesame
per
sonany
mor
e."
Pat
ri
ck-"
Iwantt
hisov
erwi
th.
"
Me-"
Evetri
edtorui
nyouandyourempi
re,
are
your
eal
lygoingt
olett
hatsl
i
de?"
Hi
m-"I
t'
saboutti
methi
slit
tl
egi
rlexper
ienced
myful
lwrat
h.St
aywell
."
Wit
hthat
,hehangsup.Isighouti
nfr
ust
rat
ion
andmakemywayt oZiyanda'
sroom.
Iknockandl
etmy
sel
fin.
Iinchclosert oherbedandI '
m surpr
isedtofi
nd
herawake, hereyeswonderingaroundtheroom.
IstrokeherhandonceIr eachherbedandshe
focusesherey esonme.Assoonasshesees
me, shebawl sandcl enchesmyhandf ordear
l
ife.Thesi ghtbreaksmyhear tandIfeelsweat
dropletsonmyf oreheadthi
nkingofhowshe
didn'tdeserveanyoft hi
s.
Her
-"Si
ya.
"
Shewhi
sper
s.
Me-"Sssshhh,
don'
tspeak.Icamet
ocheckon
you.Doyouneedanythi
ng?"
Sheshakesherheadandadoctorwalksin.I
takeadeepbreathi
nprepar
ingmyselfforany
badnewsIcouldpossi
blyhearr
egarding
Ziyanda'
scondi
ti
on.
Me-"
Doc,
cany
out
ell
mewhathappened?
"
Doctor-" MrNy athi.We'reluckyshe' sstil
l al
iv
e.
Thedr ugshewasi nfectedwi thseemst ohav e
beenal et hal concoct i
on.Whoev erdidthi s
wantedhert osuf ferapai nfuldeath.Itseems
thattheywant edtopar alyz eheryetstil
l have
herconsci oust oseeandf eelever
y t
hing
happeni ngt oher .Amongt hedrugst hatwer ein
thesy r
ingewasSucci nylcholi
ne,oneoft he
drugsusedi nthel ethali
njection.We'relucky
thatshemanagedt ofightbackandr iptheI V
offbefor et heconcoct i
onr eall
ymadei tsway
i
ntoherbl oodst ream. "
Me-"
So,
itdi
dn'
tgeti
ntoherbl
oodst
ream?
"
Him-"Thedrugsarebarel
ytraceabl
e,andwe'v
e
giv
enhersomet hi
ngtoweenherof fofthem
andcounteractt
hesideeff
ects.She'
sweak,but
she'
ll
befine."
Me-"Di
dyoumanaget
ofi
ndt
heper
son
r
esponsi
ble?
"
Him-"Weknowt hatyou'v
egoty ourownpriv
ate
securi
tyi
npl aceandI'vespokentothem and
theydi
dn'tf
indany oneelseinhereothert
han
hernewpsy chologi
st.Perhapstheperpet
rat
or
usedat r
apdoororf ir
eescape?"
Ishrugmyshoul der
sandl
ookatZiy
andawho'
s
tr
yingtospeak.Iwalkt
oherbedandbendmy
headlowertohearher.
Her-"Yourwife.I
twasy ourwifet
hatdidt
hist
o
me.Doct or,
itwasMrNy at
hi'
swif
eandhecould
beanaccompl i
ce.Callt
hepoli
ce,heknows
somet hi
ng!There'snowayshemadeherway
thr
oughhi ssecurit
y,hegaveheraheadsup.
Callt
hepol i
ce!Please!
"Ziy
andashoutsand
mov
esf
rant
ical
l
y.
[
04/
18,
16:
39]Wdz:
[66]

*
*ZI
YANDA*
*
I'
m getti
ngdi schar gedtodayandIcoul dn'
tbe
happier,howev erI'm notlookingf orwar dto
sharingahousewi thSiya.I'
m onlygoi ngt othe
penthousebecauseImadeapr omi setoZinhle
andIwantt obesuppor ti
v eduringhersecond
halfofpregnancy .If eell
ikewe' vegonebackt o
beingstrangersagai nafterIaccusedSi yaof
beinganaccompl icetomyat t
empt edmur der
abouttwoweeksago.Iknowt hatshe's
cl
uelessr egardingwhathappened, becauseshe
wouldhav ement ioneditinoneofourmany
conversationsont hephone.Idon' tknow
whetheri t
'sthebor edom that'
sconsumedher
orifshe'sgenui nelyconcer nedaboutmeor
may beit'
sbot h.Howev erasmuchasf ate
hasn'tbeenonmysi deandcheer i
ngmeon
l
atel
y,I
'm moreconcer
nedaboutherandthose
babi
es.Inot
icethosel
ongbreat
hsshetakesin
whenIaskherhowshe'sdoi
ng,andthose
pausesmidsentencewhenwetouchonSi y
a.

Ialwaystell
my sel
fthatIgothroughli
fe'
sworst
experi
encesot hatmybabysi st
erdoesn'
thave
to.Itookont hi
srolefr
om ay oungage,and
nowt hatinolongerharboremotionsofanger
towardsherinvolv
ementi nmysor di
dpast,I
hatetoseeherhur t.

Brandonhasn' tpaidmeav i
sitaf
terhiscrazy
gir
lf
riendtr
iedt okillme,hecall
severyother
dayhowev erassoonasIanswerhi scall
,he
hangsup.I'vebl ockedhisnumberandasked
securit
youtsidemydoort oensurethatno
vi
sitorswalkthrought hedoor,notevenSiya.I
needt i
met ofullyrecoverphysi
call
yand
emot i
onal
lywi thoutanyoutsideinf
luences,
thereisal ongl istofquest i
onst hatIwantt o
askBr andon, butIhav etoacceptt hatI '
l
lnever
havet hel uxur yofhear ingthet ruthandhear i
ng
hissideoft hest oryfrom hi slips.Di dheknow
abouthi sgirlfr
iendandherunwar rant ed
j
ealousy ?Whydi dn'themakeanef f ortto
ensuret hatIwasokayaf t
erthei ncident ?I
knowt hatt hemer esi ghtofhi m woul dmake
megag, butwasIr eallynotwor thf i
v emi nutes
awayf r om hi smur derergi r
lfr
iend?I nt hi
scase,
i
twoul dhav ebeent het houghtt hatcount s.
Whatr epul sesmeev enmor ei sthef actthat
thi
swomant hatIhav enohi stor ywi thal most
alt
eredmyl ifefor ever,andt hishappensonce
myhear thadbeganv i
ewi ngBr andoni na
diff
erentl ight?I fthisisn'tasignt hatI '
m aman
repell
ent ,thenIdon' tknowwhati s.Br andon's
gir
lfr
ienddi dn'tonl yhav emymur deronher
mind, butshewasr uthlesswi ththewayshe
wentabouti t,usinghar shmuscl er elaxers
apparent l
ysuggestt hatshepl annedon
i
nf l
ictingphy sical painbef or ethef inal kill.So
basical l
y ,thisbi t
chwant edt ouseal lkindsof
i
nst rument sonmewhi leIf el
tev eryt ingl e,
scratch, stab,punchandsoonandIwoul dn'
tbe
ablet omov eaf i
nger .I'
dst aytherei na
veget ativest atef eelingal lthepai nwi thout
beingabl et ocr youtf orhel p,andt hat 'st he
cruelestt hingimagi nablet ome.I '
mj ustgl ad
thatSi yaandIar esomewhatcor dial af terI
accusedhi m ofbei nganaccompl ice, Iwasst il
l
conf usedandIf eltbet r
ay edy etagai n.Iwas
tryi
ngt ogr aspont omysani t
y,andt rustwasn' t
atraitIpossessedatt hatt ime, unfor tunat el
yhe
wascaughti nt hecr ossf i
re,hencehehadt o
takeat ript oanear bypol i
cest ation.Fr om what
Ihear d, hewasbar elyther eforanhour , andhe
wasr eleased, somygui lthasdecr easedt o
nothing.Howev er,Iknowt hataconv ersat ion
betweenSi y aandIi sov erdue, Ican' tal l
owt his
womant owal kf reeaf terposi ngsuchaser i
ous
threatt omyl i
fe.Myl ifemat t
ers,regar dlessof
howbr okeni tisont hei nter i
oraswel last he
exterior ,
I'm stillahumanbei ngandsomet hing
shoul dbeat tributedt ot hat.Ineedt obr eakt his
cycleofconst ant l
ybei ngt hev ict i
m, noonehas
everbeenhel daccount ablef ort hedet riment al
physi cal andemot i
onal abuset hattheyi nfli
cted
onme, andI '
v er eachedmyl imi t.Iknowt hat
every onesay st hatGodgi v eshi st oughest
battlest ohi sst rongestsol dier s, butist hatal l
thatI '
llev erbe?Ast rongsol dier ?Ev enwhenmy
fait
hi ssuckedoutofmemor eandmor e
every day .I'
ver eachedapoi ntwher eIgoonmy
kneest opr ay, Iclosemyey es, butnowor ds
l
eav emymout h.Ican' tthankt heLor dfor
blessi ngmewi thanewdaybecauseI '
m not
evensur eI '
m happyt oseeanot herday .I've
reachedmyt hr eshold,andI '
m onl yli
vingf or
twopeopl enow.Ican' tinfl
ictt hepai nof
planni ngmyf uneralwhenweshoul dbe
prepar ingf ort hear r
ival oftwopr ecioussoul s,
sot hat '
swhatIpr ayf ornow; Ipr ayf orthei r
saf
earr
ival
andIpr
ayforal
i
fewi
thmi
nimal
i
sti
c
pai
nandsadnessf
ort
hem.

Mymout hcurvesi ntoasmi l

ewhenIt hi nk
aboutt heirpuresoul sandhowZi nhlei s
entrustingmewi t
hbei ngt heirGodmot her ,
that'
showIknowt hatIneedt obeokayf or
them.Thesecur ityent ersmyr oom af ter
knocki ngandgr absmybel ongi ngsandhel ps
meof fthebed.Theycar rymeandpl aceme
ontoawheel chairandwheel meout .The
wheel chairi
sat adunnecessar y ,butIneed
assistancewi thwal king,asIst illhav esome
numbnessoncer tainar easofmybody .The
doctorhasensur edmet hati twi llf adeaway
andI '
llregai
nsensi t
ivi
tyal lov er, howev erIwi sh
thatthemuscl espasmswoul dal sosubsi de,I
feelli
kesuchani nv ali
d.I'm assi stedi ntot he
carandI '
m surpri
sedt ofindt hatSi yai sn't
i
nside, myhear tst art
st opal pitat eandIat tempt
toopent hecardoor ,
butmyar mf ail
sme.Ibi te
onmyupperli
pasmyner v
esgett hebetterof
me,butt
henIhearSiya'
svoice.He'sconnected
ont
hecar'sBl
uetoot
h.
Siy
a-"Hey,
I'
m sor
ryIcouldn'
tmakei
ttoday
,
workhasbeenhecti
c,tur
nsoutmydeath
causedsomeofmyst ockstopl
ummetsoI
havemajordamagecontrol.
"
Ibr
eat
heoutasi
ghofr
eli
ef.
Me-"
It
'sokay
,Iunder
stand.
"
Him-"Okay,thoseguy swi
llt
akeyoustr
aightto
thepenthouse,buttheywon'
thaveaccessto
enter
,youcancal lZi
nhleandshel
lhel
py ou.I
'
ve
gottogo."
HehangsupandIsmi let
omy sel
fIexci
tement.
Ican'
twaittoseemysist
er,andhopeful
lyher
l
uckonf i
ndingsuchanhonorablemaninSiya
wil
lruboffonme.

Wear
ri
veatt
hepent
houseandZi
nhl
egr
eet
s
meandhel psmewi ththebagsinside,assoon
aswe' rei
nsidesheattacksmewi thabearhug.
Shehol dsonf orwhatseemslikeforeverasI
feelhertearstri
ckl
edownmyback.It rytopull
away ,butshehasast ronggri
psoIl etherbe.
JustasI '
m abouttoremov eherarmsf rom my
neck,Ifeelsli
ghtmov ementfr
om herbel l
y.She
eventuall
ypullsawayandgent l
yplacesmy
handont hesi deofherabdomenandIf eelt
he
mov i
ngagai n.
Icrouchdownunti
lI'
mlevel
edwi
thher
stomachandIstr
okeit.
Me-"Heyyout
wo!Wow!Whatawel
come.I
can'
twaitt
omeety
ou.
"
IsayasIki
ssherr
eal
l
yswol
l
enbel
l
y.
Istar
ttofeel
dizzysoIsi
tononeoft
hebar
stool
scloseby.
Me-"
Youlookamazi
ng!Ar
eyousur
eyou'
re
pr
egnant
?"
IknowI '
m exaggerat
ing,becauseshelooks
muchl ar
gerthanohadant i
cipat
ed,butI
'm on
coursewiththewayshel ooks.She'
sglowing,
I'
my ettoseeapr egnantwomant hatexudes
suchsexinessandef for
tl
essbeauty.
Her
-"Whathappenedt
oyourcast
?"
Me-"
Iremov
edi
tyest
erday
,I'
m asgoodas
new.
"
IsayasIt
ryt
ofl
ashasmi
l
e.
Sheblowsaki
ssatmeassheswif
tl
ywal
ks
towar
dsoneoftheguestr
oomswi
thmybag.
Me-"
Ist
hatmynewr
oom?
"
Ishoutaf
terher
.
Her
-"No,Ij
ustwant
edy
out
osl
eepwi
thme
t
oni
ght?"
Me-"AndSi
yabonga?"Zi
nhlewalksoffand
i
gnoresmewhileIstr
uggletotostandand
f
oll
owhersoIcontinuetositandwait.
Shereemer
gesandsmil
esatmeasshemakes
herwaydot
hefr
idge.
Me-"
Arey
oudef
lect
ing?
"
Ir
aisemyey
ebr
ows.
Her-"
Henol
ongerl
iv
esher
e."shesay
sin
al
mostawhi
sper.
Me-"
Doy
ouwantt
otal
kabouti
t?"
Her -"
Ithappenedaweekago.Hepackedhi s
thingsandl eft
.Wewer en'
targuingorany t
hing
alongt hoseli
nes, wewer egood.Ihadgai ned
cont r
ol overmyemot i
onsandIwasatpeace
wi thalotofthings, butthatdayhecameback
from signingyourr eleaseformsatt hehospi tal
aboutt woweeksago, thatwaswhenour
dy namicsshifted.Hewasnol ongersl eepi
ng
her e,
he'donlycomehomei nthemor ningto
takeashowerandl eav eagain.Thenaweek
agohet ol
dmet hatwewer en'tworking
any mor eanditwoul dbebestifwef ocusedon
copar entingwithoutf rat
erni
zing."
Shedrawsinadeepbreat
handshutshereyes
cl
osedastear
stri
ckledownherf
ace.Thenshe
fl
ashesasmil
ewithoutemot
ion.
Ibit
eonmybot t
om l i
p,t
onguet i
ed.I'
m notone
tobegivi
ngrel
ati
onshipadvice,butmyhear t
acheswhenIseemybabysi sterinsuchastate.
Iassumesheseest hesadnessi nmyey es
becauseshewalkstowardsmeandhol dboth
myhandswi t
haf i
rm gri
p.
Her-"Don'
tworr
y,I
'
mf i
ne.BesidesI'
vegotalot
tolookfor
wardto,
I'
m off
ici
all
yar egi
ster
ed
student
!"
Shescr
eamswhil
eshecrouchesdowntotwerk.
Il
aughl
oudl
ybecauseshelooksl
ikeHumpty
Dumpty
,andIwasneverr
eadyforsuchasi
ght.

Dinnert
imearriv
esandI'mi mpressedbythe
spreaddeckedonthetable,Zi
nhlehasalways
beenwaymor edomest i
catedthanmeandI '
m
notcomplaini
ng.
Zi
nhl
e-"
Pleasegi
vemeami nute,
Iwantt
oask
Si
yai
fhe'
llj
oinusfordi
nner
."
Sheleavest
hetabl
eandafewmoment
slat
er
reemergesl
ooki
ngshel
l
shocked.
Isl
owlymakemywayt
oherandIr
eal
i
zet
hat
she'
sshaki
ng.
Her-"
Siya.
.somewomanj ustanswer
edhis
phone.Apparent
lyhe'
sint
heshower.Yandai
t'
s
barel
ybeenaweek! "
Ihuf
floudl
ywhi
l
eshet
akesi
ndeepbr
eat
hsof
ai
r.
Her
-"Scr
ewdi
nner
,let
'sgoout
."
Me-"
Arey
ousur
e?"
Her
-"Getdr
essed.
"
Wi
tht
hatshedi
sappear
stoherr
oom.
[
04/
18,
16:
41]Wdz:
[67]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Needl esst osay ,Ziyandat al
kedmeoutofgoi ng
anywher e.Appar entlymyemot ionsar etoor aw
andIshoul dn'
tdr iveinsuchast ate,she'salso
notfeel i
ngherbestei ther,soher ewear e
i
ndul gingi nmydi nnerf east.Idon'tknowwhen
Ziyandabecamet her ationalonebet weenus,
butI'm gl adshe'smanagedt ocal m medown.
Myangerhast oneddownbutmymy stery
hasn't,Ijustfailtocompr ehendhowSi y ahas
managedt omov eonsoqui ckly,Ireall
y
expect edmor ef rom hi m.Justt woweeksagoI
wast heoneanswer inghi scallsandshar inga
bedwi thhim, t
hisr ollercoasterofar el
ationship
i
sphy sicall
yl,ment all
yandemot i
onal l
ydr ai
ning,
Ihadal ifebeforeSi yat hereforehisnew
gir
lfr
iendshoul dn'tdet ermef r
om f rom livi
ng
again.

IseeZiy
anda'
smout hmov i
ng,butIhaven'
t
heardawordthatshe'
ssaid,mythoughtshav
e
consumedmeandI 'mreveli
nginthefoodon
myplate.Isnapoutofi
twhenIseeYandacl
ap
herhandsinchesawayfr
om myface.
Her
-"Pennyf
ory
ourt
hought
s?"
Me-"I
'm sogl
adt hatyou'
rehomesafeand
soundYanda,Iwouldneverhavebeenabl
eto
l
ivewit
hmy selfhad.
."
Her-"Ssshhh,I'
m her
ei nonepiece.Zinhl
e,I
knowy ou'r
enotokay ,butaslongaswest il
l
havebloodr unni
ngthroughourv einsandai
rin
ourlungs,thenourstoryisn'
tfi
nishedyet
."
Shewi nksatmeandIhel pmyselft
oasecond
platefulloff
ood,atleastmyfoodhasnev er
betrayedme, al
thoughmyf i
gureisnolonger
existentandmyhi psandbuttareexpandi
ng.

Therestoftheeveningi
sfil
ledwit
hloudchatt
er,
l
ipsyncing,
andev enmorejunkfood.Yanda
andIsharestor
iesofsomeoft hewildest
exper
ienceswe'vehad,andbytheti
met he
eveningwindsdown,
myst
omachachesf
rom
thelaught
er.
I
'
v ebeenignori
ngtheinf
luxoftextmessages
t
hatareli
ghtingupmyphoneandt heconstant
r
ingi
ngfrom Siyacal
li
ng,Ihavenointent
ionsof
r
uini
ngmyev eni
nginanyway.

YandaandIar einfrontoft heTVl y i

ngona
snowwhi t
ef leecethrowwi thourjunkf ood
deckedonit.We' reengr ossedint hemov i
e
"Tangl
ed"thatwe' rewat chingandnei therone
ofusseemst obebl inking.Idon'tunder st
and
ourobsessionwi ththisanimat i
onmov i
e
especi
all
ysincewe' r
ei nourt wenties,butI
blameitont hemunchki ns,I'
my ett ohear
Yanda'
sexcuse.

We'resi
ngingal
ongtoallthesongsfrom
"Tangl
ed"andI'
m notashamedt osaythatwe
knowalmosteveryword.We'r
emaki nga
raucoust hrowi ngpopcor nateachot herandI
mustsay ,wel ookcut ei
noursl umberpar t
y
atti
re.Yandai swear ingaonesi e,Iwant edto
wearonet oo, butitwoul dn'tzipov ermynav el
soIhadt oset tl
eformat ernityli
nger ie.It'
sa
l
ongwhi techiffonni ghtiewi t
hembr oi dery
coveringthebusyar eaandv eryli
ttleel se,soI
hadt ocov erupwi t
hawhi t
esi l
krobe.Yanda
andIar ehav ingabl astwi thoutef fort,Iseet he
colourinherf acesl owl yreappearandI 've
almostf eltgrit
tedaboutt heSi yasituat ion,unt
il
Ihearhim cl earhisthr oatbehi ndme.Ispi non
myheel andher ehei s,dressedi nbl ack, hi
s
shortstubbl ehasgr ownabi tlongerandIhat e
toadmi tit,buthel ooksgoodenought oeat.
Iswal
l
owal
umpi
nmyt
hroat
.
Me-"
Siy
abonga.
"Isayi
nabor
edt
one.
Hi
m-"
Ladi
es!Youseem gr
eat
."
Zi
yanda-"
We'
rei
ncr
edi
blet
hanks.
"
Hi
m-"
Sor
ryt
odi
stur
b,butsomeonewasn'
t
answeri
ngmycallsort
ext
s,soIhadt
ocome
hereper
sonal
l
y,"
Me-"DidyouknockMrNyat
hi,
ordoIhav
eto
changethelocksnow?
"
Hechuckl
essof
tl
yandwal
ksaway
.
Hi
m-"
Zinhl
e,awor
dpl
ease.
"
Hesaysfir
mlyandIdon'tmove,i
nst
eaditur
n
myattent
ionbacktotheTVandgrabahandful
ofpopcor
n.Ziyandasi
ghsloudl
yandget
supt o
l
eave.
Me-"
No,
don'
t.I
'
m sur
eSi
yawasj
ustl
eav
ing.
"
Siy
alaughssar
casti
cal
lyandpl
ant
shimsel
f
nextt
omeandt akessomepopcornt
hen
thr
owsitinhi
smouth.
Hi
m-"
Ihav
eal
lni
ght
."
Hesay
swithawi
degr
inonhi
sfaceasIr
oll
my
ey
esathi
m.
Zi
yanda-"
Asf
unandent
ert
aini
ngast
his,
it'
s
beenal
ongday
.Ni
ght
!"
Itrytogiv
eheradeathstare,
butshedoesn'
t
seem fazedasshegrabsthepopcor
nbowl and
disappearsi
ntooneoftheguestr
ooms.

Siyashi
ft
sclosertomeandItur
nmyat t
enti
on
tomyphone, del
eti
ngal
lofhi
smissedcall
sand
textmessages.
Him-"
Whyarey oudel
eti
ngt
hose?Af
rai
d
someonewi
l
l seethem?"
Il
aughsar
cast
ical
l
y.
Me-"Thatmustbeaj oke!Unf
or t
unat
elywe
don'
tallhav
etheluxuryofdati
ngandscrewing
whoeverweplease.Unfort
unatel
yforme,I
'ma
pri
sonerint
hishouse."
Hi
m-"
Whydi
dyoui
gnor
emycal
l
sandt
ext
s?"
Me-"Whydi
dsomeoneel
seanswery
our
phone?
"
IaskasIr
aiseoneey
ebr
owandhel
ooksdown.
Hi
m-"
Thatwasmyassi
stant
"
Me-"
Howcl
i
ché"
Hi
m-"
Imi
ssy
ou.
"
Hesay
sasheinchescl
oserandbl
owswarm ai
r
i
ntomyear
.Ishi
ftawayfr
om hi
m andl
ookat
hi
m wi
thdi
sgust
.
Me-"Twowomeni
noneni
ght
?Impr
essi
veMr
Nyat
hi!
"
Hel eapsontopofmeandmybackl aysont he
couch.Mychestmov esinaf astpacedupwar d
anddownwar dmot i
onashisey esturndark
wit
hl ust.Hebal
anceshi
msel fwithhiselbows,
sothathe'sbasi
call
ynottouchingme, buthis
warm breathandhiscol
ognemakemyni pples
harden.
Hi
m-"
Zinhl
e,whatam Igoi
ngt
odowi
thy
ou?
"
Inar
rowmyey esinconf
usi
onandasIopenmy
mouthtospeak,hi
sli
pscov
ermineandhe
sucksont hem asourl i
psweav etoget herintoa
l
ongandsul tr
ykiss.Whenourl ipspul lapar t,
we'rebot houtofbr eathandpant ingineach
other'
sf aces.Thi sist hemostact ionthatI 've
hadi nawhi l
esoIent wi nemyhandsar oundhi s
neckandpul l
hisf acet owar dsmi ne.Iat tackhis
l
ipswi thmi neandf loodhi st hroatwi thmy
tongue.Iopenmyl egsashel oosenst hebel tof
myr obeandhi kesupmyni ght i
eandIr eachf or
hiscrotchandgr abhol dofhi sf astgrowi ng
member .Myot herlipssal i
vat eatt hegr owi ng
monst eragai nstthem.Ishi ftposi ti
onssoI '
m
theoneont opandIgr abhol dofhi sbut t
ons
whileIgr azemyt eethal onghi sunder wearand
smi l
eatt hesoundsescapi nghi slips.That 's
whenIf eel somet hingv i
bratei nhispocket .I
takeitoutandr ealizet hatit
'shi sphone.He
sighsloudl yandedgescl osert omyhandt o
grabit,butIf i
rm mygr i
poni t.
Hi
m-"
Fine,
answeri
t.
"
AndsoIdo.Isl
i
dei
ttoanswerandIl
i
sten,
it'
sa
woman.
Her-"
TonightwasgreatMrNy at
hi,Ihopewe
candoitagainsoon,IpromiseI
'
llmakeitwort
h
yourwhi
le.Howaboutt hiswee.
..
"
Idon'
tl
etherf
ini
sh,Ihangupandt
hrowt
he
phoneacr
osstheroom.

Him-"Whatthehel
l?Zi
nhle!I
t'
snotev
enwhat
you'
rethi
nki
ng,Iswear
!"
Me-"Soyoudidn'
tj
ustcomef r
om aneveni
ngof
adul
tfunwit
hsomer andom woman?"
Hi
m-"
Adul
tfun?
"
Hel
aughsforafewsecondst
henf
inal
l
y
mai
ntai
nedhiscomposur
e.
Hi
m-"
CanIexpl
ain?
"
Me-"I
t'
salwayssomethi
ngwithyou!I
fit
'snot
yourwif
ewhoisacerti
fi
edslut
,theni
t'
sy ou
chasi
ngpanti
esall
overthedamncountry!You
reall
ycouldn'
twai tunti
ltomorrow?Youj usthad
tokil
l t
wobi r
dswi thonestone?I'm Zi
nhlet he
slutthatgotfuckedbyamar r
iedman, l
istened
tohimf uckhiswi f
einheroffi
ce, howcoul dI
possiblythi
nkofaf uturewit
hy ou?Thisiswho
youar e!Amanwhor e!"
Iscr
eam asIpunchhi
schest
.
Me-"You'
real
lthedamnsame.Youcan'
tev
en
t
rustthemanyoushareabedwit
hhey?"
Hi
m-"
Arey
oudone?
"
Hiscal
mnesspeaksmyangert oal
evelIdidn'
t
knowwaspossibl
eforme.Igrabacushionon
thecouchandl
andblowaft
erblowonhischest
whil
ehedoesn'
tseem t
ofl
inch.
Him-"Ihadabusinessmeet ingatmynewpl ace
today
.Thewomany oujusthear dont hephone
wasamongstoneoft hepeopl einatt
endance.
Themeet ingcametoacl oseandshehel ped
witht
hecl eani
ngup.Ihadn'tplannedanythi
ng,
butwiththetwoofusal one,ratheri
ntoxi
cated
andbot
hhor
ny,
wehadonet
hingonourmi
nds.
I.
..
"
Ijumpoffthecouchandat t
empttowalkaway,
butthenIreali
zethatIprobabl
yneedtohear
thissoIgetoverSiyaforgood,soIt
urnaround
andsitononeoft hecouchesclosetohim and
l
ookathi m expect
edly.
Him-"Idi
dn'
twanttodoany t
hingwi
thher
,but
shewasreall
ypersuasi
veandIneededan
outl
ettofor
getaboutyou!
"
Hesaysashebut
tonshi
spant
sandtri
esto
edgecl
osert
omebutIshakemyheadathi
m.
Me-"
Whywoul
dyouwantt
ofor
getaboutme?
WhySiy
a?"
Iaskasat earr
unsdownmycheek.Hewal
ks
towardsmeandkneelsi
nfrontofmewi
thhi
s
elbowsresti
ngonmythi
ghs.
Hi
m-"Ihaveto.I'
veexposedy
outhreet
oso
muchdangerZinhle.Ev
erymi
sfor
tuney
ou'
ve
experiencedinthepastmont hshasemanat ed
fr
om me, doyouunderst andt hestr
essand
fr
ustrationIfeelbecauseoft hatevery
day?
Ziyandawast helaststr
aw, Ihadtoremove
my sel
ff rom t
hisequationf ort hebi
ggerpi
ctur
e;
yoursaf etyandthatoft hosemunchki ns.I
guesst hisisoneoft hosei nstanceswherelov
e
i
sn'tenough. "
Hesay
sast
ear
sfl
owdownhi
sface.
Me-"
Didy
ouf
uckher
?"
Him-"Youdon' tunderst
and.Ili
ve, br
eatheand
dream youandt hosebabies.Ispokeabouty ou
thewholeni ght
,every
oneisawar eofwhomy
heartbelongstoandwi l
lforeverbelongto.Thi
s
womanseducedmej usttogett heedgeof f
."
Me-"
Soy
out
woshagged?
"
Hi
m-"
Zinhl
e..
"
Me-"
Answert
hedamnquest
ion!
"
Hi
m-"
Zinhl
e,Il
ovey
ouwi
thev
ery
thi
ng,
Iswear
t
oyou.
"
Me-"
Youdi
d..
"
Isaygaspi
ngf
orai
rast
ear
str
ickl
edownmy
face.
Him-"No!Icouldn'
t!Weki
ssedandt hatwasit
.
She'
snoty ou,nooneoutther
eisyou, andi
fI
can'
thavey outhenIdon'
twantanyoneelse.
"
Me-"Soy
ouguy
ski
ssedandt
henwentt
otake
ashower
?"
Hecloseshi
sey
esandi
nhal
esadeepbr
eat
hof
ai
r.
Him-"It ookashowerbecauseIwasshaki ngon
theinsideImi ssedyousomuch.Ineededt o
calm down.I'
m sur esheansweredt
ost i
r
somet hingupandshepr obablymadethatcall
j
ustnowf orthesamer eason.
"
Icl
osemyey
esast
ear
sracedownmyf
ace.
Me-"Sothisi
swhatweare?Ot herpeopl
eare
deci
dingthef
ateofourr
elat
ionship?Ourl
ove
i
sn'
tstr
ongenoughf
orust
ofocusoneach
ot
her?
"
Him-"Iprayforthatever
ysecondofev ery
day,
buthowwi llIl
i
vewi t
hmy sel
fifEvedecidest
o
goonaj ealousrageanddril
lbull
etsthr
ough
yourhead?I'mthepr obl
em,l
et'sremovethe
probl
em."
Me-" Youknowwhat '
ssad?Thef actt hatYOU
brokeupwi thmebecausey ouclai my oul ove
met oomucht oendangermebybei ngwi thme,
BUTal mostsl eepingwi thsomeonei sn'thur t
ing
me?Youdon' tthi
nkt hatI'
mf eeli
ngt hesame
painast hatofabul l
etasI'mf eelingknowi ng
thatanot herwomanj ustsuckedont hosel i
ps,
heldy ourpackageandsawmymani nhi s
nakedgl or y
?Yout hinkthattheachi ngf eeling
that'
spi er ci
ngmyhear tisbetterthanbl ood
seepingt hroughawound?Wel l,Ihav enewsf or
you,it'
snot .I'
m dyingfrom theinsi der ight
now!"
Hi
m-" Zinhle,I
'm sor
ry.IknowthatIcan'tl
i
ve
wi
thouty ou,Iknowt hatforsur
e!I'
l
lwaitanddo
whateverittakesforust obetoget
her,Iwas
st
upid!Please!"
Hepl
eadsf
rant
ical
l
ywi
thbl
oodshotr
edey
es.
Me-"No, gohav eyoursexual escapadeswi th
yourempl oyeesorwhoev erelseisony ourli
st.I
wouldpref eriti
fyouwer en'tpresentinmynext
doctor'
sappoi ntment,
Ithinkwebot hneedt i
me
tostrat
egizeoursi t
uati
on.Bestbel i
evethatI'
l
l
behoppingont henextdickwi ll
ingandi nvi
ti
ng,
thesehormoneshav emehor nyal l
dayev er
yday,
Ihearthere'snothi
nglikesexwi thapregnant
woman, doy ouagree?
"
Heclencheshi
sfi
stsandst
andst
ofacehi
s
backtome.
Hi
m-"
Zinhl
e,don'
ttr
yme!
"
Me-"I'
m nol
ongeronhousearrest,
other
wiseI
'l
l
cal
lthecopsandtel
lthem I
'
m beingheld
agai
nstmywill
.Nowpl easeexcuseme, I
'v
egot
t
ogowax.
"
Hi
m-"
Zinhl
e,don'
tpi
ssmeof
fpl
ease!
"
Me-"
Shoul
dIdoal
andi
ngst
ri
porgoBr
azi
l
ian
wi
thmywax?"
Het
urnsandchar
gestowardsmeandIr
unt
o
t
heothersi
deoft
helounge.
Me-" Oh,andI 'm pl
anningonhavi
nganeut ral
nursery,sincethesexoft hebabi
eswi l
lbea
surpri
se.SoIguessI 'l
lbeusi
ngthatli
tt
lecard
ofyours, hopefull
ymommycansqueezei n
somel ingerie.Nowi fyoucoul
dpleaseleave,
It
'sbeenawhi l
esinceI'v
ebeenont hedati
ng
scene,Ineedt oprepare.
"
IsayasIwal
ktowar
dsthedoortoopenforhi
m.
Hestar
esatmeforaneter
nit
ythenfi
nal
l
y
sl
owlymakehiswayout
.
Hi
m-"
We'
rehav
inggi
rl
s,buysomepi
nkshi
t.
"
Hesay
sasher
unsoutanddi
sappear
s.
[
04/
18,
16:
42]Wdz:
[68]
*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Iwakeupi nthemast erbedr oom cuddled
againstSi
ya'spil
l
owt hatst i
l
l smel l
sofhis
scentandtakeal ongsniff.Istretchtotheside
tabl
eandt akemyphonewher eIseeat ext
from Si
yathathesenti ntheear lyhoursofthe
mor ni
ngthatreads:"Ist
il
llov eyouandI 'l
lnever
stop.I'
l
lspendev er
ydaypr ovingittoyou."
Mymout hi nv
olunt
ari
lycurvesintoasmil
easI
readi
tov erandoveragain.Ihearaknockon
thebedroom doorsoIshiftmybodyof ft
hebed
andgot oopen.Ifi
ndZiyandast andi
ngoutsi
de
withalargetraywi
thtwopl at
es.
Her-"Move!Thi
sthi
ngisheav
y !
"Shesaysas
shepushesmet othesi
deandr unst
othelar
ge
bed.Ifol
l
owbehindherandplonkmyselfont
o
thebed.
Her-"
WellIt
houghtI'
dsurpr
iseyouwit
h
br
eakfasti
nbed,butthesef
inger
pri
ntpadsand
dozensofcodesar
etoomuchf
orme.
"
Il
aughasIshov
ear
asherofbaconi
nmy
mouth,
Her
-"Doyouwanttotalkabouty
ourscr
eami
ng
matchwi
thSi
yalastnight
?"
IshakemyheadasIdr i
zzl
esomesyr
uponmy
scrumpti
ouslooki
ngpancakest
hent
aket
he
biggestmout
hfulIcan.
Her
-"Sowhatar
ewedoi
ngt
oday
?"
Iswal
l
owt hel
astofmypancakeandgul
pdown
somejui
ce.
Me-"Wecandoanythi
ng.Wecangooutfor
l
unch,goshoppi
ngoranyt
hingr
eal
l
y.Dur
banis
ouroyst
er.
"
IsayasIbi
tei
ntoast
rawber
ry.
Me-"
May bewecoul dwi
ndowshopforsome
i
temsforthenurser
ysowecangetanideaof
howi
tshouldlook."
Her
-"Okay
,we'
resti
lldoingt
heneut
ralscheme
f
orthenur
ser
yright
?I'vegotsomegreati
deas.
"
Me-"
No!Iknowwhatcol
ourev
ery
thi
ngwi
l
lbe
now.
"
Her-"
Whydi dn'
tyout
ellmeyouandSi
ya
changedyourmindsabouthav
ingi
tbea
surpr
ise?
"
Igi
veabor
edgl
ance.
Me-"I
twasmeanttobeasur
pri
se,
butSi
yasaw
i
tfi
ttotaket
hatf
rom met
oo.
"
Shejumpsonthebedandplacesbot
hhandson
mybellywi
thexci
tementgl
eamingfr
om her
face.
Her
-"So?
"
Me-"
Gir
ls.We'
rehav
inggi
rl
s."
Shescr eamsandl eapsofft hebed,t
henrubs
aroundt heroom.Ican'thelpbutlaughand
contractsomeofherexci tement,soIscream
whilesteali
ngsomef oodf rom herplat
e.
Her-"
Weneedt
ocel
ebr
ate!Getr
eady
,we'
vegot
shoppi
ngt
odo!
"
Sherunst omeandat tacksmewi t
hahug, then
sheleavestheroom.Isitbackonthebedand
fi
nishthefoodonbothpl at
es,i
t'
srudetoleave
foodbehind.If
inal
lymakemywayt othe
bathroom andtakealongshower.

OnceI 'm donewithmyr efreshingshower ,I

wal ktotheclosetandbr owset hrought hefew
clothesthatsti
llr
esidei nSi ya'scloset.Idecide
onawhi teshortf
lairrapdr essandsl ops.My
feethav ebeenswel li
ngal ittlemor ethanusual
l
at ely,
andsinceitseemsIhav eal ongday
aheadofme, comf ortabil
ityisbest .Igrabmy
phoneandr undownst ai
rst ogr abmyhandbag,
i
t'st i
meIhadapeepoft hecart hat'
s
supposedl ymine.Ient erthecodel eadingtot he
gar ageandslowlywal kdownt hef ewst epsin
frontofme.Thel ightsev ent uallyil
luminatethe
l
argespace, andIseei t
, mycar.Ibli
nkaf ew
ti
mest omakesur ethatI'
m notdaydr eaming,
andittur
nsout ,I'
m not.ASnowWhi te
RangeRov erEvoquepar kedinf
rontofme, just
waiti
ng.Irunaroundt ouchingeveryinchofit,
thenIcomeacr ossthenumberpl ate,andit'
s
personal
ized."CYAZZI "
Ireadi tov erandov eragainunti
li
tcl i
cks.
"Siya'
sZi "Il aughsoft
lyandmyhear tfl
utter
s
andIsmi leatt hethoughtandprepar at
ionthat
musthav egonei nt
omaki ngmyst ayher e
over l
ycomf ort
abl
e.Ireachovertothe
windshi eldandgr abthekeyandr emot ethat'
s
plantedt her eandrunbacki nt
othehousei n
excitement .Ifi
ndZiyandareadyandwai t
ing,
l
ooki ngcut einatwopi ecedenim shortsand
cropt op.
Me-"
Onedaysoon"
IsayasIpokeherabsandshel
aughsunt
ilshe
snort
s.
Her
-"I
'
vecal
l
edt
hecab.
"
Me-"
Cancel
andf
oll
owmemadam!
"
IsayasIl
eapar
oundi
nexci
tement
.
Sherunsaft
ermeandassoonashereyesl
and
onthecar,
herexci
tementdoubl
esmi
ne.

Whenwe' r
ebot hcalm enough,wemakeour
waytoGat eway.Theairisfi
ll
edwit
heagerness
andantici
pati
on,seei
ngpeopl eot
hert
hanon
TVbringsaboutexhil
arati
onintomyalr
eady
happymood.
Zi
yanda-"
Didsomeonesayr
etai
lther
apy
?"
Shesay
sassheswi
rl
smear
oundi
nthemal
l
.

Hoursl
ater,
Ifeeldizzyf r
om theshoppingbags
hangi
ngfrom j
ustseei ngZiyandapushour
shoppi
ngbagsinat r
olleysoweev entual
ly
deci
detotakeabr eather.Wechoosea
restauranttor estmyfeetandf eedt hese
hungr ymunchki ns.Weor derourf oodand
Ziyanda'scockt ail
arr
ives, Isal
ivateathow
refr
eshingi tlooksandt akeal ongsi pofmy
orangej uice.Midwaythr oughourmeal ,our
headsj oltupwhensomeonecl earstheirthr
oat.
Ziyandaal mostchokesonherf oodwhenshe
seest woment oweri
ngov erusf l
ashingthei
r
smi l
es.They 'r
ebot hdark, andalthougharen't
handsome, theyoozechar isma.
Man1-"Gooddayladi
es,
I'
m Andi
l
eandt
hisi
s
myfri
endNtobeko."
Nt
obekowavesi
nagoof
ymannerandhi
ssmi
l
e
gr
owswider
.
Andi
l
e-"
Wej ustwantedt
oper
sonal
l
ygr
eetand
admi
reyourbeaut
y."
Hesay sgest
uri
ngtoZi
yandaandI.Ziyanda
takesaseducti
vesi
pofhercockt
ailandflut
ter
s
herlongeyel
ashes.
Zi
yanda-"
Thanky
ou.
"
Ntobeko-"
Wellhowaboutanot
herroundof
dr
inksandlet
smaket hi
saparty,
joi
nusorwe'
l
l
j
oinyou?"
Zi
yandaandIl
ookateachot
heri
napani
c.
Andi
l
e-"Wepromisewedon'
tbi
te,
thesecond
youf
eeluncomf
ortabl
e,y
oul
adi
escabjustwalk
away.
"
Beforewecanreact
,theygrabsomechairsand
seatthemsel
vesatourtabl
e.Ishi
ftf
rom Andil
e
tocreatemor
espacebet weenusandZiyanda
doesthesame.

Beforeweknowi t
,it
'sdarkout sideandI'm on
mysecondhel pi
ngofdesser t.We'velearntal ot
abouteachot her,
andwe' rethoroughlyenjoy i
ng
eachot her'
scompany .Appar entl
yAndileand
Ntobekowor konWal lStreet,thatexpl
ainst heir
sl
ightaccent ,andthey'r
eint hecount r
yfor
some" business".They '
realsocousins,sot heir
l
itt
leinsidejokesar ecute.Theybot hare
chocolateskinned,darkbrowneyesand
mascul i
nefeatures.Thei
rpersonal
it
iesare
warm andki nd,andthey'
vebeendecentthe
wholeday .Therehav ebeennoawkwar d
touchesorgl ancesandI'mreli
evedwitht
hat.
Me-"Thishasbeenf
un,
butIt
hinkweshoul
d
l
eave."
Andi
le-"
Wellt
heydosay
,al
lgoodt
hingscome
toanend."
Wealll
aughsoft
lywhil
ehesi
gnal
sforthebil
l
,
heset
tl
esitandtheybot
hopenourchai
rsfor
us.
Andi
lepushesthetr
oll
eywi
thourshoppi
ng
bagsandtheyaccompanyust
othecar.
Me-"
Wel
lthi
sisus.
"
Isaygest
uri
ngt
othecarandIopent
heboot
.
Ntobekohel
psl
oadthebagsi
ntheboot
.
Ntobeko-"
Yourcr
editcar
dsmustbebl
eedi
ng
f
rom theabuseoftoday.
"
Wealll
aughandhewalkst
oZi
yandawhi
l
e
Andi
l
epullsmetothesi
de.
Hi
m-"Ihadareal
l
ygoodt
imet
oni
ght
.May
be
wecoul
ddoitagain?
"
Il
ookathi
m andnar
rowmyey
esasIpoi
ntt
o
mybell
y.
Hi
m-"
Wel
lheorshei
sal
soi
nvi
ted.
"
Ismi
l
e.
Me-"
May
be.
"
Hehandsmehi scardandpul l
smei nfora
l
engthi
lyhug.If
eelmyselffl
oati
ngwithevery
passi
ngsecondandIfinall
ypullaway.
Me-"
Goodby
e."
Ij
umpint
hecarandhootf
orZiy
andatocome
i
nandsherunsandj
umpsinaswell
.
Me-"
Let
'sgohome.
"
Iwi
nkatherandshegi
ggl
es.
I
nsteadofgoi ngtothepenthouse, Ideci
deto
gotomymom' splace.Weboughtheraf ew
goodiesandwebot hmissherimmensel yso
wedeci detoseeheraf ewmi nutes.
Unfor
t unat
elyneit
herofushasourkey stoopen
up,sowehav etoknock.Mom f i
nallyopens
weari
ngashor tr
obe.
Mom-"
Mygi
rl
s!"
Sheholdsusbothinanembr ace.Itr
ytopush
thr
oughandheadinside,butshebl ockst
he
entr
ance.Igi
veheraninquisiti
velookandshe
giv
esusami schi
evoussmi le.
Mom-"
Asknoquest
ions,
you'
l
lhearnol
i
es!
"
Shet
ight
enst
hebel
tofherr
obe.
Mom-"
Gir
ls,
nextt
imecal
lokay
!"
Sheblowski ssest
ousandshut st
hedoorin
ourfaces.YandaandIlookateachot
herand
burstoutinl
aughter.
[
04/
18,
16:
43]Wdz:
[69]
*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Wedr ivehomei nhighspi ri
tsandof fl
oadour
bagsf rom thecar ,Ionlytakeaf ew,because
I'
m sot iredIcanl it
erall
yf eel myheadspin.I
opent hedoorl eadingintot hehousewi th
Ziyandaonmyheel s.Imakemywayt owards
theloungear eaandcomet oahal twhenIsee
thedi ningt ablewi ththreepl acesett
ings,a
l
argecent erpiece,sparkli
ngappl ejui
ceon
mel tedi ceandcandl esdownt hemiddleofthe
table.It urnt oZiyandawho' sloudl
ychewi ngon
someoft hefoodont hetabl e.
Me-"
Ssshh.
"
Iplacemyfingeronmyl ipsandt i
ptoetothe
l
oungewher eIf i
ndSiyacurl
edupi ntoalarge
ballwithaminkthrowbar el
ycoveringhi
m.I
crouchdownandIgent l
ytaphisshoulderbut
hedoesn'tf
linch.Ishakehim gent
lyagainand
hegr absmyhandandki ssesitalloverwhil
e
ey
esar
est
il
lcl
osed.
Hi
m-"
You'
reback.
"
Hegent
lyt
ugsmyhandandIl
eant
owar
dshi
m.
Me-" Let'sgotobed. "Iwhi spert ohi m.Henods
andopenshi seyelidstor ev ealhishy pnotic
eyes.Igent l
ypullhim offt hecouchandl ead
him upt hestair
s.Wer eacht hemast er
bedroom andIpul lSiyatot hebed, hest r
okes
mybut twithhishand, butIswi f
tlymov eaway .
Hest andsl i
keast atuenextt othebedsoIwal k
tohim andl if
thislongSl eev edt opov erhis
headandunzi phisj eansandhel phi m outof
them.Hest andswi thhisv isibl
ebul ge
protrudingthroughhi sunder wear .Ist ar
ei nt
o
hisey eswhi l
eIslowl ysl
ipof fmydr essand
turntoaskhi mt ounhookmybr a.If eelhis
war m handsonmybackandt heysendchi ll
s
downmyspi ne.Thebr afal l
st othef loor,andhe
encirclesmywai standmakeshi swayt owar ds
mybr eastswhichhebegi nst osl owl ycaress.
Mynecknest
lesagainsthischestt
henIgent
ly
removemyhands.Istrutt
otheclosetand
emergewear
ingoneofhi st-
shir
ts.
Ij
umpi
ntobedandpatt
hespacenextt
ome.
Me-"
Arey
oucomi
ng.
"
Hesighsloudl
yandbiteshisbott
om li
pin
agonythenfi
nall
yjoi
nsmei nbed.Ireachf
or
hi
scheekandpl antasoftki
ssthere.
Me-"Goodnight.
"Ishif
tclosertowardshi
m and
turnt
osnuggl emybuttagainsthisrockhar
d
erect
ion.Heentwineshislegswi t
hmineand
gentl
ystrokesmybellyuntilIdozeoff
.
Hi
m-"
Ilov
eyou.
"
Ihearf
rom adi
stanceandIsmi
l
eassl
eepget
s
thebet
terofmeagain.

IwakeupandSiyai
sstuckonmel
i
kegl
ue.I
shi
ftbuthet
ight
enshi
sgrip.
Me-"
Ihav
etopee!
"
Hekissest
hebackofmyneckt
henf
inal
l
y
r
eleasesme.
Irunt othebat hr
oom wher eIspendalmostan
houri n,becauseIdecidetowaxandt akea
shower .Iopent heshowerdoorandf i
ndSi ya
wai t
ingout si
deinhisnakedgl ory.Myey es
i
mmedi atelyshoottohismonst erthat'
sst ari
ng
ri
ghtatme.Hehandsmeat owel andclearshis
throat.Isnapoutofi tandhebr ushesagai nst
measIwr apthet owelonmydampbody .He
enterstheshowerandt urnsthetapsonwhi le
I'
m st i
ll
gluedint hesameposi ti
on.
Him-"I
'
vegotsomebusi
nesstotakecar
eof
,
unl
essyoudon'
tmindwi
tnessi
ngagrownman
mastur
b..
"
Me-"
Okayokay
!"
IsayasIf
rant
ical
l
ymakemywayoutt
he
bathr
oom.
Iwearasi
mpleblushshir
tdr
essandslippers
thenmakemywaydownst ai
rs.Siy
aemer ges
weari
ngshor
tsandav est
,smell
ingdi
vi
ne.
Me-"
Soy
oubr
oughtt
het
oot
hpi
cksoutt
oday
."
Isi
gnal
athi
slegs.
Hechuckl esashesi psthesmoot hieIputin
fr
ontofhi m.Ihandhi m aplat
ewi thhis
breakfastandwal ktothebarstoolnexttohis
andpl acemyf oodthere.Weeati nsilenceand
heev entual
lyclear
shisthroatandgr absmy
hand.
Hi
m-"
Hadf
unatt
hemal
lyest
erday
?"
Irol
lmyey es,
becauseifhe'
slooki
ngf
ora
react
ion,
Iwon'tbegiv
inghim one.
Me-"I
'
m notev
engoi
ngt
oasky
ouhowy
ou
knowthat
."
Hi
m-"Iact
uall
ywantedtoasky oui
fyou'
dbe
mydatenextweekend?Ther
e'samajor
conferenceanddinnerwithsomewor kpeopl
e,
I'
m gettingsomeawar dforsomet
hing.,
andI'
d
l
ov eitifyou'
dbethere.
"
Hesay
sashegazesdeepl
yint
omyey
es.
Him-"Pl
ease.Ev
enifwe'
ret
her
eforaf
ewhour
s,
I
'dlov
eyoursuppor
t."
Me-"Siya,I
'
llbe24/25weekspr
egnant,
wit
h
twinsmightIadd.Mystomachexpandsbythe
day,Ihavenobusinesst
ryi
ngtocompetewith
thoseri
chskinnyhousewi
ves.
"
IsayasIshov
emor
efoodi
ntomymout
h.
Hi
m-"Itwoul
dn'tbeacompet
it
ion!Justpl
ease
doi
tforme!Please!
"
Me-" Fi
ne!I
fyouwantawhal
erol
l
ingar
ound
torpedoi
ngeveryt
abl
e,t
henwhoam It
o
argue?"
Hi
m-"Great
!Don'
twor ryaboutany
thi
ng,I
'l
lhave
i
tsor
tedout,y
oujusttrytohaveagoodtime."
Hewinksatmeandf eedsmeabi teofhi
s
omel
ett
e.

Hest
andsupandf
ini
sheshi
ssmoot
hie.
Hi
m-"
Sinceyouwon'
ttel
lmeaboutyourdayat
t
hemal
l,I
'v
egotsomediggi
ngtodo.Bye!"
Me-"
NoSi
ya!That
'snotf
air
."
Iwhi
neaf
terhi
m ashemakeshi
swayt
othe
door
.
Het
urnsonhi
sheel
s.
Him-"Di
dyoubuythebluepai
ntf
ort
henursery,
Iwanttogett
hatsor
tedassoonaspossi
ble.
"
Me-"
Siy
a!Yousai
dwe'
rehav
inggi
rl
s!"
Hi
m-"
Oops,
Ili
ed!
"
Hecover
shismouthwit
hasarcasti
clookon
hi
sfaceandhet
urnsandheadsforthedoor
.
Hi
m-"
Lov
eyout
hree!
"
Ir
oll
myey
esast
hedoorshut
scl
osed.
I'
m ont heout
doorcouchdaydr
eamingwhil
e
Ziyandasipsonacocktai
li
nthepool.My
daydream isi
nter
rupt
edbymyphoner i
ngi
ng
andi t
'smom.
Me-"
Mama.
"
Mom-"Ijustgotof
fthephonewi
thyour
Si
yabonga,hewantstopaydamagesassoon
asthi
sweekend."
Me-"
Oh.
"
Her-"
Iaskedt opost
pone,
Ihavesomewher
eto
bethisweekend.Besi
des,
ngekengi
zwengaye
(Iwon'thearf
rom hi
m).
"
Me-"
Letmeguess;
chur
ch?
"
Shel
aughs.
Her-"
Hhay
iZi
nhleKhumalo,nobodyaskswhat
youdowit
hyourti
meinthatbuil
dingyoucal
l
home!"
Wel
aughsi
mul
taneousl
y.
Her-"
Imi ssyougir
ls!Sendmyr egardst
oYanda.
TheLordcant akemenowt hatIknowyout
wo
areokay.Okay,wel
l notyet
.May behecant
ake
meaf t
erImeetmygr andchi
ldr
en."
Me-"Ma,you'
renotgoi
nganywher
eyoungl
ady
.
Ma,Iknowwhaty oudi
dlastSummer
!"
Isayinagri
mv oi
ce.Webot
hlaugh,because
that
'sj
ustoneofourmanyi
nsi
dejokes.
Her
-"By
e.Il
ovey
oubot
h!"
Wi
tht
hatshehangsup.

Thefollowi ngweekisfi
ll
edwithnervesand
anti
cipationforthecomingweekend.Siyahad
sentast yli
standseamstressovertothehouse
formymeasur ements.Theydidn'
taskmewhat
I'
dprefert owear,soIwasforcedtocompletel
y
entr
usti nthem.
It'
sFr i
day,thedaybef or ethebi gev eningand
I'
m headedt ot hespaf orf acialswithZi yanda.
Afterourf acials,Idecideit'st i
mef orahai r
swi tchupandaboutt i
meIdi dmynai ls,
so
YandaandImakeourwayt ot hesal on.Yanda
hasherhai rtreatedandcur ledwhi leIdeci deon
asl eekstraight32i nchweav ewi t
hami ddl e
partingandnudegel nai l
s,Ir eadsomewher e
thatacr y
li
cnai l
saren'tadv isedf orpregnant
women.WhenYandaandIar edone, wel ook
l
ikeami ll
i
onbucksandmyner v
esar esl owly
turningintoexci t
ement .Wepi ckupsome
takeaway sonourwayhomeandl istento
Rihannaunt i
lIpar kthecari nthegar ageoft he
pent house.
Yanda-"
Ithi
nkI'm goingtogohomesoonfora
fewdaysandthenI '
ll
hav et
ogobacktowork.
I
'm dr
eadingi
t,butit
'stime.
"
Me-"Pl
easeatleaststayunt
ilaf
terSi
yapays
damages.IknowI '
m sel
fi
shforaski
ng,butI
real
l
yneedy oursupport
."
IsayasIf
lut
termyey
eli
dsandshechuckl
es
l
oudly.
Her-"Verysoon,thatactwon'tworkandthose
babieswill
beusi ngitonyou.Fine,I
'l
ll
eav
ea
fewday saftert
hedamagesr itual.
"
Icl
apmyhandsinexci
tementandwemakeour
wayint
othehouse.

Iwakeupt hefol
lowi
ngmor ningandI'
vebarely
sl
eptawink.Imakemywaydownst ai
rsto
makeasmoot hi
eandI'm surprisedt
oheara
knockatthedoor.Iwalkovert othedoorand
fi
ndSiyal
eaningagainstthedoor .Hesmilesas
soonasheseesme, pi
cksmeupandspi nsme
aroundasIgiggl
euncontrollabl
y .
Me-"
Stooop!
"
Hecl
osest
hedoorbehi
ndhi
m andmakeshi
s
wayi
nsi
de,
leav
ingmebehi
nd.
Hi
m-"
See?Iknocked!
"
Irol
lmyeyesandfol
l
owhimintotheki
tchen.I
handhi
m aglassoft
hesmoothi
eandslurp
downmine.
Hi
m-"Ihopethesear
en'tnowmeal
r
epl
acements,mybabiesneedpr
operf
ood!
"
Hesaysashelooksatthesmoot
hieandIr
oll
myeyesathi
stheatr
ics.
Him-"
Ijustcamet
omakesur
eyouhav
en'
trun
away.
"
Heinchescl
osert
omeandcr
ouchesdownt
o
ki
ssmybel l
y.
Hi
m-"
Haveyoutwomi
ssedmeasmuchas
mommyhas?"
Il
i
ght
lysl
aphi
sheadandhechuckl
essof
tl
y.
Me-"
Don'
tgetaheadofy
our
sel
fnow.
"
IsayasIpushpasthi
m.Hef oll
owsbehi ndme
andwesitononeofthecouchesi nthelounge.
Hepull
smyl egsandplacesmyf eetonhislap
andbegi
nstogentlyr
ubonev erycrevi
ce.I
moanatt hepl
easuret
hatIf
eelandlayonmy
back,
closingmyeyesint
heprocessanddr
if
t
toabli
ssfulsl
eep.

I'
m wokenupbyfeel
ingsoftti
ckl
esonmybelly.
Il
ookdownandIseeSi ya'
sfaceaninchaway
fr
om myst omachr
unninghisfi
nger
salongit
andwhisperi
ng.
Him-"
Comeon,pl
easej
ustki
ckoncef
ordaddy
.
I
'l
ldoany
thi
ng.
"
Imanagetohearhi m say.Il
ookar oundand
somehowI '
mi nthemast erbedroom onthebed.
Ihavenorecoll
ecti
onofhowIgother e,butI
'
m
notcompl
aining,watchingSiyapleadwithhi
s
munchki
nsispr i
celess.
Him-"
Okay,wel
ljustknowthatIl
oveyoutwo
andcan'
twaitt
omeety ou.Youtworeal
lydon'
t
wanttoki
ckandsayhi todaddy?
"
Ist
roket
hebackofhi
sheadandhi
sey
esshoot
upt
omeetmi
ne.
Hi
m-"
You'
reup!
"
Me-"Yes.Don'
tworr
ythey
'l
lbecheer
ingy
ouon
whenyougetyouraward.
"Iwi
nkathim.
Him-"It
hinkt
hestyl
i
stsareonthei
rway,coul
dI
enti
ceyoutotakeashowerwit
hmet ocalm me
down?"
Me-"
Ani
nnocentshowerMrNy
athi
."
Ihol
doutmyhandandheshakesi
t.
Hi
m-"
Deal
."
Hepicksmeupandwemakeourwayi
ntot
he
bat
hroom whi
l
eIgi
ggl
ethewhol
eway.

We'rei
nt heshowerunderoneoft
heshower
headsandIimmedi at
elyt
enseasIlookatt
he
watercascadedownhistorso.
Hi
m-"
Likewhaty
ousee?
"
It
urnt
ofacemybackt
ohi
m andr
eachf
ort
he
l
oaf er.Ifeelhi sbreat hdownmyneckandhi s
monst errubagai nstmybut t.Hishandsr oam
aroundmyupperbodyandf i
ndt heirwayt omy
breast sthatimmedi atel
yhar denandt ingleat
hi
st ouch.Hi ssof tlipslandonmyneckandt rai
l
ki
ssest omyshoul derwhi lehi sot herhand
tr
acespat ternsdownmybel lytomycast le.I
archmybackandl aymyheadonhi schestas
hi
sf inger sslapagai nstmynub.Hef li
cksmy
nubt hent racesf eat herl
ightci r
clesal ongmy
sl
itwhi l
ehegr azeshi st eet honmyear lobe.He
sl
owl yi nsert
sonef ingeri nandoutandIgasp
outinpl easur e.Heswi f
tlyt urnsmear oundand
attacksmymout hwi t
hhi ssuccul entl i
ps.He
breaksawayf rom t heki ssandcr ouchesdown
untilhisfacei slev eledwi thmycast l
e.He
spreadsmyl egsapar tandpl antsmyl egonhi s
shoul derthendev our smycast leal t
ernat ing
betweenl i
cking, sucki ngandusi nghi sgi fted
fi
nger s.Thisgoesonunt ilIrainonhi m andmy
l
egst remblef rom r eachi ngmypeakofecst asy.
Hest andsupandhescr ubseveryi
nchofour
bodiesunti
l he'
ssati
sfi
edthencarr
iesmetothe
bedroom.Wel eav
ethebedroom weari
ngour
robes,andjustontimetheslueofstyl
i
stsar
e
l
etinbyZi y
anda.

SiyaandIgooursepar ateway stopr eparef or

thenightahead.I '
m ambushedbyhai r
styli
sts,
makeupar ti
stsandseamst r
esses.Af ewhour s
l
atert hest yl
istbucklesmyshoeasIgawkat
myr eflectioninthemi rr
or.I'
mi nal ongtight
fi
ghtingbl ackmer mai ddr esswi t
hal ongsl i
t.
Thedr esshasapl ungingnecklinecov eredwi t
h
embel lishedmeshandt hebackpl ungest oa
l
owbackaswel lalsocov eredwi ththe
embel lishedmeshwhi chalsomakesupt he
l
ongsl eevesoft hedr ess.Igrabmybl ack
studdedcl ut
chandt akeaf ewpi ctures.My
bell
yisn' tconcealed, i
t'
sal mostthest arofthe
showandIl ooksexyi natastefulway ,Ismile
becauseI '
m genuinel yhappywi thmyent i
re
l
ook.Itakeadeepbr eathinandt henleavethe
room,afewst epsoutoft her oom makingmy
waytothelounge, IhearSi y
awhi stl
eashe
makeshiswayt ome.JustwhenIt houghti
t
wouldbeimpossi bleforhimt olookanybetter,
hereheislookinghisbest .He'sdressedina
darknavysli
mf i
tsuit
,blackshirtandblacktie
withbl
acklapelsonhi sblazerandbl ackfor
mal
shoes.
Hi
m-"
Youl
ook.
.wow!
"
Hespi
nsmear
ound.
Hi
m-"
Her
e"
Hesaysasheopensasmall
boxr
eveal
i
nga
pai
rofdi
amondearr
ings.
Hi
m-"Asmal
ltokenf
ory
oursuppor
tthi
s
ev
eni
ng.
"
Hehelpsmeputt
hem onandIf
eel
mycheeks
f
lush.
Me-"
Thanky
ou,
youdi
dn'
thav
eto,
butI
'
m gl
ad
y
oudi
d."
IsayasIki
sshi
m ont
hecheek.
Hi
m-"
Ready
?"
Me-"AsI
'l
leverbe.
"Wewal khandinhand
l
eavi
ngZiyandacli
cki
ngawayt aki
ngphot
osof
usandscr
eami ngi
ntheprocess.
Her
-"Hav
efuny
out
wo!
"
Si
ya-"
Wel
lhopef
ull
ythi
sdr
essdoesn'
tri
p."
Hesaysashechuckl
esandpl
aceshi
shand
overhi
smouthandpatsmybut
twit
hhisot
her
one.
[
04/
18,
16:
44]Wdz:
[70]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Wearriv
eattheexcl
usi
vevenueandIfeelmy
hear
talmostl
eapoutofmychest.Si
yatight
ens
hi
sgriponmyhandandkissesit
.
Hi
m-"
It
'l
lbeokay
."
Hegivesmeareassur
ingsmile,
jumpsoutand
opensmydoorforme.Itakeadeepbreat
hin
andmental
l
ypreparemyselff
ortheeveni
ng
ahead.
Me-"
Whati
ftheycal
lmey
ourmi
str
ess?
"
Hi
m-"
I'
m di
vor
ced.
"
Me-"Theel
ephanti
nther
oom?Mybi
ground
bel
l
y?"
Him-"We'
rehereformetogetmyawar d,
peopl
ewillpr
y,butt
hey'
renotimport
ant.You'
re
mylif
e,f
orgetaboutev
eryt
hingelse.
"
Inodslight
lyasthedoor sopent oalavi
sh
i
nteri
orbuzzingwithdozensanddozensof
peopledressedtot heni
nes.I'
m overwhelmed
bytheloudmusi c,cameraflashesandloud
chatt
erthatfil
l
sther oom.Siyapull
smei nside
andwe'rebombar dedbypeopl ewantingawor d
withthemanoft hehour .Anoldercouplefl
oats
towardsusandIseeSi y
af l
ashasmi lesoI
fol
lowsuit.
Si
yahugsbot
hoft
hem andt
hent
urnshi
s
at
tent
iont
ome.
Hi
m-" Zi,
thisisJacobandhiswifeCryst
al.Guy
s,
t
hisistheloveofmyl i
feZinhl
e.Jacobwasmy
mentorandnowhechai rst
heboardthatI'
ma
majori
tyshareholderi
n."
Si
yasay
swi
thasmi
rkonhi
sface.
Jacob-"
Siy
a,y
ousonofagun!
"
Hesay swhi
lehechuckl
essof
tl
yandgent
ly
punchesSiy
a'sar
m.
Jacob-"
Noneofwhatyousai
ddoesherj
ust
ice.
Youlookrav
ishi
ngmydear.
"
Hesay
sashegr
absmyhandandki
ssesi
t.
Jacob-"Fi
nall
y,sometruebeaut
ynotmaskedi
n
makeup.Tellme, howdidyouendupwi
than
i
diotl
ikeSiya?"
Ibl
ushandsmi
l
eli
keaschool
gir
l.
Me-"
Wel
l
,may
bey
oushoul
daskhi
m whatspel
l
hecastonme.
"
Isayf
lashi
ngasmi
l
eandst
roki
ngSi
ya'
s
shoul
der.
Cr
yst
al-"
Congr
atulat
ions,y
outwoar
eexpect
ing!
Si
yadi
dn'ty
oujustgetdiv
orcedl
i
kel
astweek?"
Sheraisesherey
ebr
owsandt
akesal
ongsi
pof
herchampagne.
Si
ya-"I
'
m surenooneaskedy ouanyt
hing
dur
ingyour10yearaff
airwi
thJake.Zinhl
e
wasn'
tmymi st
ressli
keinyourcase.
"
Jacobl
aughssof
tl
yasSi
yapul
l
smeacr
osst
he
room.

Si
ya-"
Arey
ouokay
?"
Me-"
Shewashi
smi
str
ess?
"
Isaywhil
elaughi
ng.Si
yaki
ssesmycheekand
wewal khandinhandi
nhandwhil
eIeyebal
lthe
canapés.
Aslenderexot
icl
ooki
ngwomanst rut
stowards
usasIshov emythi
rdcanapésdownmyt hr
oat.
She'
scar
ryi
nganiPadi
ntowandl
ooksl
i
kea
womanonami ssi
on.
Her-"MrNyat
hi,
there'
sanunscheduled
confer
encecal
lwithChina,
theyneedyou.
"
Shesaysthi
swhi
leogli
ngSi
y aandnot
acknowl
edgi
ngmei nt
hesli
ghtest
.Si
yakisses
mycheekandwalksawayfr
om mewhi l
ethis
modeleyesmefr
om toptotoe.

Iwalktotheopenbarandgetmy selfaglassof
j
uiceandbrowsemyphone.Al l
thest aresand
whisper
sarebeginni
ngt ogetundermyski n
andIcontemplat
ecall
ingacabbackhome
whenIhearsomeonecl earthei
rthroat.Ilook
upandf i
ndAndil
elookingsexyinat radit
ional
tux.
Hi
m-"
Fancyseei
ngy
ouher
e!Leav
ingal
ready
?"
Hesay
s,gest
uri
ngt
omyphone.
Me-"No,
ofcour
senot
.Whatar
eyoudoi
ng
her
e?"
Isaysmi
l
ingathi
m andt
aki
ngasi
pofmyj
uice.
Him-"Itol
dyouthatIhav ebusinesstotake
careof,soher
eIam!Mi ghtIsay,youlook
absolut
elyst
unning,andyouhav ethebest
accessoryi
nhere."
Hesayspoi
nti
ngatmybell
y.Ibl
ushandl
ook
downasmycheeksheatup.
Hepul l
sthechai rnextt omeandor dershimself
thesamedr i
nkasmi ne.Wesi tforaf ew
mi nutes,withmel aughingathi shilari
ousjokes,
andIf inall
yfeel comf ortableagain.We're
i
nt err
uptedbyhi mr eceiv i
ngaphonecal l,he
signalsthathe' l
lber ightbackandIst andto
l
eav et ostretchmyl egs.Iroam aroundt he
room, smi l
ingandnoddi ngtoev ery
oneIpass.
ThenIf i
nall
yf eelhishandssnakear oundme
andhi slipskissmyshoul der.
Hi
m-"
Missedme?
"
Me-"
Woul
dn'
tyoul
i
ket
oknow?
"
Ispi
nar
oundandl
i
ckmyl
i
ps.
Heambushesmewi t
hagentl
esmooch,Ipull
awaywhenIfeelsomeone'
spresencemer
ely
i
nchesawayfrom us.Il
ookt
owardsthem,and
i
t'
stheexot
icmodel.
Her-"
MrNy athit
here'
ssomet hi
ngthatcall
sfor
youratt
enti
on.Iwasn'tawarethaty
ou'dbe
bri
ngingaplusone,prepar
ati
onshav en'
tbeen
madef ory
ourladyfri
end."
Shesay
swhi
l
eey
eingme.
Si
yashakeshi
sheadsl
ight
ly,
andshet
urnsand
sway
shersmallbut
taway.
Me-"
Okay
,whoi
sthat
?"
Hi
m-"Anemployee.
"Hesaysashegr
absa
gl
assofchampagnefr
om oneoft
hewai
ter
s.
Me-"
What
'shername?She'
snotmyf
ani
s
she?
"
Isaywhi
l
erai
singmyey
ebr
ows.
Hi
m-"
Pleasenott
oni
ght
."
Itakeadeepbr
eathi
nanat
temptt
owal
kaway
,
andhegrabshol
dofmyarm.
Hi
m-"I
'm sorry
, I
'
m supposedtohaveaspeech
pr
epar
edandt hat '
sstr
essf
ul,
andmyphonecall
wi
thmyassoci atesinChi
nadidn'
tgowel
l.I
'm
j
ustal
it
tl
et ense."
Inodandl
ookaway
.
Hi
m-"
She'
sPam,
myassi
stant
."
Ishootmyey
esathi
m.
Hi
m-"Pl
easedon'
tgetl
i
ket
hat
,pl
easenot
t
oni
ght.
"
Igi
vehi
m abl
ankst
are.
Me-"Soyoubri
ngthewomanthaty
oualmost
f
uckedandhaveherspeakt
omeandl ookat
meli
kethat,
andIshoul
dbeokaywithi
t?Okay!
"
Iwalkawayandheart hePr ogr am Di r
ect orcall
forev eryonet otaket heirseat s.Si y
anudges
met owar dsoneoft hef rontt abl es,opensmy
chairandsi tsbesideme, grippingmyhandon
thetabl e.Ilookatmypl aceset t i
ngandnot ice
mypl acecar dwr i
tten" Pam Mi tchell
s"Ir ol
lmy
eyesandzoneoutf ort her estoft heev ening.I
smilewhensmi l
edt oandnodwhenIneedt o.I
hearSi ya'snamebei ngcal l
edandhest ands,
bendst okissmeandbut t
onshi sblazerashe
makeshi swayt othest age.Iwat chhim accept
hisawar d,snapaf ewphot ost henl ookaway .
He'sbusywi thhisspeechwhenIhearmyname,
atfi
rstIt hinkI '
m dreami ngt hatIheari tagai n.I
fi
nallylookathi m againandseeal leyesonme,
i
ncludi nghi s.
Him-"Zi
nhl
emyl ove, t
hankyouforbeingan
amazingpar
tner.Withoutyou,I
'
dhav enothi
ng
toworksohardfor.You'remyinspi
rati
on,my
hear
t,myloveandmyl i
fe.Noneofthi
siswor t
h
i
twi t
houty oubymysi de."Hesay swhilenot
breakingeyecontactwithme.Hebl owsaki ss
andbowst oleavethestagewhi leever
yone
giveshim astandingovation.I'
mt ooti
redand
shockedt ostandsoIremai ni nmyseatandhe
plantshimselfnexttomegr abbi
ngholdofmy
handagai n.Theformali
ti
esar ef
inal
lyoverand
Siyapullsmet omeetmor ebusiness
associates,wecomet oahal twhenwebump
i
nt oPam.
Her-"MrNy at
hi,af ewassoci
ateswanttotal
k
businessandar ecomplaini
ngthatyou'
vebeen
scarcethi
sev ening."
Ihuf
fandr ol
lmyeyest
hensnatchmyhand
awayfrom Si
ya'
stowalkawayfr
om the
humil
iati
onwhenSiyat
ight
enshisgr
ip.
Siy
a-"Pamela,Idon'
tthi
nkIremembery ou
acknowledgingmypartnert
hisev
ening.You
know?Zinhle,themot
herofmyki ds,
my
woman? "
Hesay
sasher
aiseshi
sey
ebr
ows.
Her
-"I
t'
sapl
easur
etomeety
ouMi
ssKhumal
o."
Shemumbl
esunderherbr
eat
h.
Siya-"
We'r
enotgoi ngt ohav eaproblem arewe
Pam?Regar di
ngt heotherni ght
,Zinhl
eknows
aboutmyf ool
ishmi st
ake, andIthoughtIwas
cleari
nmyposi ti
on.Act i
nglikeajealouslover
i
sunbecomi ng,especiall
ywhenZi nhleholds
thekeystoyourfutureasanempl oyee.IfIwere
you,I'
dbeaskingt owipeherassi fsheneedsi t
.
Ifshesaysthewor d,you'
regone. "
Siy
asayswit
hagri
nonhisf
ace.IlookatPam
andherf
aceisr
edfr
om embar
rassmentand
anger
.
Si
ya-"
So?
"
Pam-"Myapologi
esMi
ssKhumal
o,i
twon'
t
happenagai
n."
Il
aughsar
cast
ical
l
ythensmi
l
eather
.
Si
ya-"
Thanky
ouf
ory
ourhar
dwor
k,I
'
llwr
it
e
youanexcel
l
entlett
erofrecommendati
on.
"He
fl
asheshi
ssmile,st
rokeshershoul
dert
hen
pull
smeaway .

Siyai
spulledawaybysomeolderbusi
ness
associ
atesandI'mlef
ttomyowndev i
cesagai
n,
thenAndil
esmi l
esatmefrom acr
osst
heroom
asheglidestowardsme.
Hi
m-"
Soy
ou'
rewi
tht
hemanoft
hehour
!"
Ismi
l
eshy
ly.
Hi
m-"
Iguessy
ou'
rer
eal
l
ytakeni
nthatcase.
"
Ij
ustsmil
eathi
m andwehav
ealightchat
aboutt
heeveni
ngwhenSi
yacomestostand
besi
deme.
Si
ya-"
Andi
l
e."
Andi
l
e-"
Siy
abonga.
"
Theybothsayi
nagr i
mvoi
ce.Andi
l
esmi
l
es
bri
efl
ythenl
eaves.
Si
ya-"
Didy
out
ell
himt
haty
ou'
reof
fli
mit
s?"
Me-"
Why
?Am I
?"
Hechuckl
essof
tl
y.
Him-"Irel
easedmyPAtoremoveany
onet
hat
coul
dt r
ytocomebetweenus.
"
Me-"
Yeah,
butIdi
dn'
tasky
out
o."
IsayasIwinkathi
m andmakemywayt
othe
rest
room.
[
04/18,
16:45]Wdz:
Goodmor ni
ngev
ery
one!
Hav
eaf abul
ousweekahead!

[
71]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Itakepr
ecautionwhil
eIdomybusi nessinone
ofthecubi
cles,andmybladderfeel
slight
er
onceI'
m done.Ifixmydressthenwalktothe
si
nkarea.Il
ookatmy sel
finthemi r
rorand
decidetot ouchupmygl ossandpowdermy
nose.Ilookatmyr efl
ectiononelastt
imei nt
he
mirrorandsmi l
et omy selfasIsay"You'
reone
l
uckymanSi yabongaNy athi
"inawhisper.My
l
it
tleinsi
dej okei sinter
ruptedwhenIseePam
behindmel ookingatmei nthemi r
ror
.She
windsar oundandst andsbesi demewi t
ha
smirkonherexot icface.
Her
-"Justsoy
ouknow,
Siy
aisamazi
ngi
nbed!
"
Me-"
Iknowr
ight
?"
Isaywit
hasar
cast
icsmi
l
epl
ast
eredonmy
face.
Me-"Sogoodinf act,
Igotpr egnantbyhim!I
'v
e
gotnothi
ngtodowi thy ourl
ittl
erel
ati
onshi
por
l
ackthereof
,youmostdef i
nitel
yhavenothi
ngto
dowithmine.I'
ml ooki
ngf orananny ,
knowof
anyonewhojustgotf i
red?"
Ismi
l
eandwal
kawayl
eav
ingherst
unned.
Ibumpi
ntoAndi
l
eonmywaytolookforSi
ya
andhewal
ksawayl
ooki
ngatmewithcont
empt
.
Me-"
Andi
l
e!"
Hest
opsandt
urnsandey
esmeupanddown.
Me-"
Callmecrazy,butbumpi
ngi
ntoapr
egnant
l
adycal
l
sf oranapology?"
Hewalkst
owar
dsmewi
thasmugl
ookonhi
s
f
ace.
Him-" Lady ?That '
sal mostl aughabl e.I'
m sorry
Zinhl e,butInev erf i
gur edy oufort hegol d
diggi ngsi demi stresst ype,butI'
v ebeenpr oven
wr ong.You' r
epr egnantandt hef atherofy our
baby 'sinkonhi sdi vorcepaper sisbar elydr y
.
Gohome, stopt hi
schar adeofy our s.Yout hi
nk
ever yonei sgawki ngaty oubecausey ou'r
e
gor geous?No!I t'sbecauset heyseeay oung
girlthatsi nglehandedl ydestroyedaf amily.You
don' tthinkSi yahassai dt heexactsamespeech
aboutYv ett
e?Themeni nher earel ustf
ul over
you, andt hat'
sbecauset heyallwantapi eceof
freshmeatwithnomor al
s, t
hewomenwon' tlet
gooft hei
rhusbandsandf i
ancésbecausethey
don'tknowyourcapabil
it
ies.Takethel
it
tl
e
dignit
yyouhaveleftandgohome. "Wit
hthathe
turnsonhisheel.
Me-"
Andi
l
e!"
Isaygaspi
ngf
orai
r.
Het
urnsar
oundandnar
rowshi
sey
ebr
owsat
me.
Me-"DidSi
yasaysomething?Didhet
ell
yout o
sayt
his?Didhetel
lyoutofindawaytostay
awayfrom me?Whyarey oubei
ngso
mali
cious?
"
Hi
m-"
Siy
a?Iact
ual
l
ydon'
thav
eti
mef
ort
his.
"
Hemarchesawayanddi
sappear
sint
othe
cr
owd.
Itakeaf
ewmi nutestor
egulat
emybr eat
hing
andmybeati
nghear t
,whenIfeel
normalagainI
maketheagonizi
ngwalkint
othecrowdin
sear
chofSi
ya.
Iseehimf r
om af arandhesi gnalsf ormet o
comet ohi m.Thedancef l
oorisof fici
all
yopen
andIseecoupl esdanci ngaroundt heballr
oom.
Siyabri
ngsmecl osertohi m andt anglesmy
handsar oundhi sneckwhi l
eher est shisjust
abov emybut t.Hecr ouchesdownandour
for
eheadst ouch, hecl oseshisey esandIsee
him dri
ftofftohisownl it
tleworld.Att hat
momentt hemunchki nsdecidet opl ayfootbal
l
i
nmybel lyandIseeSi ya'smout hcur veintoa
smile.Heopenshi sey esandpl aceshi shands
onmyt ummy .
Hi
m-"
Arey
out
wopr
oudofdaddy
?"
Hesay sinababyv oi
ceandIwantt ol
augh,but
myhear ti
sheav y.Heturnsmear oundand
hol
dsmyst omachf r
om behi nd.Heshif
tsmy
hai
rtothesi deandnibblesonmyear l
obe.I
gaspinarousalandtravel myhandbehi ndme
tograbholdofhismonst er
.Imassagei t
appl
yi
ngpressur
e,unt
ilIhearhi
m gr
untunder
hi
sbreat
h.
Hi
m-"
Zi.
."
Me-"
Don'tst
artsomethi
ngy oucan'
tfi
nish.
We'
reinaroom ful
lofpeople.
"Il
etgoofhis
memberandspinmy sel
faroundunti
lIf
acehim.
Hi
sey
esl
ookdar
kanddanger
ous.
Hi
m-"
Wel
ll
etusf
ini
sht
hen.
"
Hesay
sashepullsmeacrosst
heroom.Ist
op
i
nmytracksandpul
lawayfi
rml
y.
Me-"
Didy
out
ell
him?
"
Hel
ooksatmei
nconf
usi
on.
Me-"
Siy
apl
easej
ustbehonest
.Di
dyout
ell
Andi
l
etost
ayawayfr
om me?"
Him-"AsmuchasIdon' twantyouhanging
aroundwiththel
ikesofthat
,Idon'
thaveti
met o
entert
ainwhathedoesinhisspareti
me.Thisi
s
thelastti
meI'mtalki
ngabouthi
m andthelast
ti
mey oubr
inghi
m up,especi
all
ywhenIhad
pl
ansofmakingyoucum atleastt
hreet
imes.
Excuseme.
"
Hesay swi thangerf i
ll
edey esandhi sf ace
turningsl i
ght l
yredwi t
hfury.Hewal kspastme
disappear ingbacki nt hecrowdandIst andi n
thesameposi tionforaf ewmi nutes, thinking
aboutAndi leandSi ya.Ishrugmyshoul der si n
frustrati
on.I '
mf rustratedwi thAndilef orr uining
myev ening, butIdeci dethatI '
m donewi t
h
givingpeopl et hepowert ohol dther eignsofmy
happi ness.Isl eptwithamar r
iedmanandgot
pregnant ,nowwhat ?I'mint hesituationt hatI 'm
i
nandt here'
snot urningbacknow.Andi le
doesn' tknowmeandhasnor i
ghttopass
j
udgementonmyl i
fe,andI'm partial
lygl adt hat
he'sdeci dedt obeanasshol e,atleastIwon' t
hav etot hi
nkofway st ocurv ehim downt hel i
ne.

Imakemywaybacki
nsi
deandIspotSi
ya
downingagul pofwhiskey.He'
sinacr owdand
heseemsdi st
ant
.Iwalktowardshim andhis
associat
esandsnakemyar m ar
oundhi swaist
.
Hedoesn' tevenl
ookatmewhenIt ouchhim,
butIfeelhisbodytenseashedrinksthelastsi
p
ofhisdri
nk.
If
lut
termyeyeli
dsandbit
eonmybot
tom l
i
p
whenheeventual
lyl
ooksatme.
Me-"CanIst
eal
youforasecond?
"Hel
ooks
awayandIsl
owlyst
rokemyhandonhi
sback.
Me-"
Please.
"
Iwhi
speri
nhisear
s.Hesighsheav
il
yandleads
meawayfrom t
hecrowd.It
ugonhisbl
azer.
Me-"
Dancewi
thme.Pl
ease.
"
Hest andssti
ll
soIpressmybodyagai
nsthis
andawayourbodi esslowl
ytot
hemusic.I
reachforhisneckandnudgehi
sheadclosert
o
mine.
Me-"
Thanky
ouf
ori
nvi
ti
ngmet
oni
ght
,It
rul
y
appr
eci
atei
t.I
'
m sorr
yaboutbr
ingi
ngupt
hat
guytoy
ou,Iwas.
."
Si
yal
ooksatmei
ntent
ly.
Him-"
What?Di
dyouj
ustapol
ogi
zewi
thout
bei
ngcoer
ced?
"
Il
aughsl
i
ghtl
ythenmust
erupt
hecour
aget
o
l
ookhimint
heey e.
Me-"I'
m sorryBab'Nyathi,
Ireallyam.Thi s
eveni
ngisabouty ou,nooneel se.I'm sti
llhur
t
aboutyourli
ttlesi
dedishPam, butI'
m glady ou
handledi
t.I'
m proudofy ouandt hatlitt
leaward
yourecei
ved, butt
here'
sanev enbi ggerawar d
waiti
ngathome.I '
m sureI'l
lbeabl etopr operl
y
showy oujusthowproudIam ofy ouoncewe
gethome."
Ismashmyl i
psontohisandlosemyi nhi
bit
ions
i
nourpassionateki
ss,Ipul
lawaywhenIhear
mysel
fmoani ngbeneathmybreathandmyl ady
par
tsleakwit
hwar mthanddesir
e.
Me-" I'
l
lleav
ey outonet
work,
Ineedtorestmy
feet
, Ihaveamar at
hontor
unlater
."Iwi
nkat
him andwal kaway.
Ifi
ndaf reecouchandIpl onkmyheavybodyon
i
t,str
etchingmyl egsoni taswell
.AsI'
m about
toreachf ormyr i
ghtfoottomassageitali
tt
le,
l
argemascul i
nehandscov ermyf
oot,
Ilookup
andfindSi yastar
ingatme.
Hi
m-"
Timet
ocal
li
tani
ght
."
Me-"I
t'
ssti
llear
ly,
Idon'tmindwaiti
ngt
rustme.
Idon'
twanttosmot heryou,t
hispl
acei
sst i
l
l
buzzi
ng,whatwil
leveryonesayify
oudecideto
upandleave?"
Him-"Frankly,
Idon'tcare.Iacceptedmyawar d,
therestcanwai t
,I'
vegotani ncredibl
ysexy
womant hatIwanttomakescr eam allni
ght
l
ong.Ifthat'
sthecase, we'dbettergoget
star
ted."
Ir
aisemybodyoffthecouchandplacemyf
eet
onthefl
oori
npreparat
iontost
and.Siy
a
cr
ouchesdownandswoopsmeupi
nhi
sar
ms
br
idal
styl
e.
Me-"
Putmedown!
"Ishoutasi
giggl
e.
Him-"Isawthosef eetandt
hoseanklesaswel
l
asthoseskyscrapersyoucal
lshoes.Nott
aki
ng
anychances."Hesay sashewalksbri
skl
y
towardstheentrance.
Isnugglemyf aceinhi schest,t
ryi
ngt oavoid
thedozensofpeopl easkingSi y
aifI'm okay.He
doesn'tstopforanyone, i
nst
eadhehol dsonto
met i
ghterandj ogsthefewst epslefttothecar
that'
salreadybeenbr oughttothefrontbythe
valet
.

Onthecarri
dehome,het
akesmyshoesof
f
andworkshi
smagiconmyf eet
.
Him-"What
every
oudo, don'
tsl
eep.
"Hesay
sas
hesuckl
esonmyt oes.
Me-"
EeeuuwSi
ya!
"
Itrytosnatchmyf ootaway ,
buthehasat ight
holdoni t
,soIl ethim be.Hereachesundermy
dresswithhi swarm handsandt heninsert
shis
headbet weenmyl egs.Thedriverclear
shis
throatnumer oustimes, andmycheeksf l
ush
withembar rassment .

Wef i
nallyarri
veatthepent houseaf teran
embar r
assingcarr i
deandSi yacarr i
esmeal l
thewayt othemast erbedroom.Hehel psme
outofmydr essandI '
mleftini nmyl ace
undergarment s.Hestri
pstohi sbr iefsandr uns
tothebat hr
oom.Iheart hewat errunningi nthe
bathr
oom andIt ryf
ightthet hi
efoft heni ght,
butI'
m mor edr owsythanIt hought .Icanbar el
y
keepmyey esopen, myfeethur tandIst artto
getcold.Igetundert hecover sandsnuggl e
nexttohispi l
l
owandbef oreIknowi t,it'
sli
ghts
outforme.
IhearSi
yacal
lmynamef
rom t
heot
hersi
deof
thebedandgentlynudgemyshoulder
,butmy
eyesaretooheavy.Imanagetot
apont he
spacenextmeandaf terafewmi
nutesIfeel
him cuddl
emef r
om behind.
Me-"
Ilov
eyou.
"
ThenIf
all
int
oapeacef
ulsl
eep.

Inthemi ddleofthenight,I
'm wokenupbya
coldshiver.if
eelSiya'shandsqueezemi ne,and
Iopenmyey esandf indSiyaonhislaptop.He's
usingonehandt otypewhi l
etheother
alt
ernatesbetweenst roki
ngmybel lyand
holdingmyhand.Igetupandst r
addlehislap
whileItakehislaptopandgent l
yplaceitont he
tablenexttothebed.
Me-"
Howaboutt
hatmar
athon?
"
Iwhisperi
ntohi
searwhi
l
eli
ght
lyl
i
cki
nghi
s
ear
lobe.
[
04/
18,
16:
46]Wdz:
Mor
ning,
let
'swor
konbei
ng
bet
tert
odayt
hanwewer
eyest
erday
,
Lot
sofl
ove

[
72]
*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Siyal
ooksatmewitheyesfi
l
ledwit
hintensi
ty.I
grabmyphoneandconnectitt
othebedroom
speaker
s,andpl
ayUsher"Ni
ce&Slow."
Hi
m-"Remember
,it
'snotar
ace,
it'
sa
marat
hon.
"
Me-"
Shutupandki
ssme!
"

Ismashmyl ipsont ohi

sandshi f
tmypel vis
cl
osertohis.Hegr absholdofmybackandmy
neckandclosesanygapbet weenus.If eelhis
monstergrowbyt hesecondandt hat
i
mmedi at
elysendschi l
lsdownmyspi ne.Igrind
agai
nsthiscrotchwhileint
ensif
yingtheki ss
andusi ngonehandt ogent l
ymassagehi s
member .Imov emyl ipsf r
om hi smout hand
tr
acel ongwetki ssesal onghi sj awli
neand
downt ohi smascul ineneck.Il ickhiscol lar
bondasIshi ftmybodyandl andonmyknees.I
grazemyt eethdownhi storsoandmyt ongue
l
ingersonhi snav elwhi l
emyhandsl owerhi s
bri
efs.Hi smonst erspr ingsf reelyandIgr ab
holdofi twithonehand, maki nggent leupand
downmot i
ons.If i
nal lylowermyheadandl ick
hisleakinghead.Igr azemyt eet hgent lyonhi s
headandIf eel him gr owev enmor e.Ilookhi m
deadi ntheey easIl ickmyl ipsandandopen
mymout hwidet hensl ideall ofhimi nside.My
gagr efl
exest ryt of ail me, butwhenIf eelhis
handsont hebackofmyhead, Igri
nandbeari t
.
Ieventuallytakehi smemberoutandIhearhi m
gaspf orair.Islightlyni bbl
eev eryinchofhi s
shaftwhi l
emynai l
sdi gintohi sbar eabs.It rai
l
mymout hevenl owerandt akeoneofhi ssperm
sacksi nmymout hwhi lemyhandcar esseshi s
hardshaf t
,goingupanddownal ternat i
ng
betweent hepr essur e.Hi smoansandgr oans
makemyhear tsmi l
eandIl osemyi nhi bitions
atthatpoint.Igrazemyt eet honbot hhi ssacks
andhenudgesmyl owerbodyt owar dshi s
upperbody .Myf acei si nchesawayf rom hi s
member ,I'm onmykneesandhi sfacei sinches
fr
om mycov eredcast le.If eel himt ugonmy
underwearandsnat chi twi thhi steet h,that '
s
whenIhearhi mr ipi tapar twi thhisbar ehands
andshov eitdownmyl egs.Heusest hepal m of
hi
shandt ostrokemycast leandIseev ei ns
bulgethroughhi smonst erwhenhemeet smy
wetness.Hepr odsmybut tupandl i
cksmysl i
t
wit
ht hesideofhi st ongue.Igaspf orai rand
shi
f t
,buthehol dsmybodyi nposi t
ion, soI
decidetogi v
ehi m ar unf orhi smoneyaswel l
.I
swirlmyt onguear oundhi sheadmaki ngmy
wayl owerandl ower ,thenshov eallofhi m
i
nsidemymout h, Ifeel myt hroatconst rictand
heinsertshistonguewhi legr azi nghi st eet h
againstmyt hrobbi ngnub.Ist rokehi ssacks
andappl ypr essur e, whi l
eIf eel myt hr oatgi vei n,
butIr efuset ogi veuponhi smonst er.If inall
y
takehi smemberoutandgr azemyt eet hbel ow
hissacks, mymoansar elouderandhi sgr oans
aredeeper .Imov emyl owerbodyf rom hi sf ace
whenIf eel my selfcav ingin.Ileadhi smonst er
i
ntomyent rancesl owlypr epar ingmy sel f,my
backst illfacinghi m, t
henIf eel hishands
aroundmywai st,hegent l
ypushesmedown
andIf eel achesandar ousal ti
ngl ethr oughmy
enti
rebody .Ibounceonhi sl argemonst erthen
hewr apsmyl egsar oundhi swai standst ands
upwi thhi m st illsnuggl eddeepi nsideme, he
walkst ot hebal conyacr osst her oom and
continuest oent ermef rom behi ndwhi leIuse
onehandt ohol dont ot hest eel railandmy
othert ocar esshi sbal lsbetweenmyl egs.Il ick
onaf i
ngerandci r
cl eitaroundhi sanusopeni ng,
thent het hrust sgr owdeeperandmor ei ntense
whenhepi nchesmynubwi thhi st wof ingersI
almosttoppleov er,thenhel etsgo.Iregul at
e
mybr eathi
ngt hinki
nghe' sgi vi
ngmeabr eak,
thenIfeelhispal m ofhishandsl apagai nstmy
nub,sendingv i
br at
ionst hroughmybody ,whi l
eI
applypressureont hear eabet weenhi sanus
andhissack, pressingonhi sbutton.Het ugson
myhai rinthefinalpushandIscr eam hisname
i
necst asy.Hedoesn' tstopthough, hefl
ipsme
aroundtof acehi mt hrowingoneofmyl egs
overhisshoulderwhi l
ebal anci
ngwi thmyot her
onewhi l
ehet hrustst hroughhi sshatter
ing
peak.

Aft
erwhatseemsl i
kef oreverlat
er,we'reboth
panti
ngont hebathroom f l
oor.Ican'tfeelmy
l
egsandSi yalookslikehe'spassedout .Aft
er
myf our
thorgasm, i
fIwasn' tsureofmyl ovefor
thi
sman, wellnowIhav enodoubti nmymi nd.
Thebalcony,bedroom floor,couch,j
ustt o
nameaf ewhav eallbeengr eatfun,butI '
mt i
red
tomycor e.Si
yafinall
yget supandf ill
st he
bathtubwithwat
erandmyf avori
teoi
l
swhil
eI
l
ayl i
fel
essonthefl
oor.Hepi cksmeup,pl
aces
mei nthetubandsnugglesbehindmeandI
nestl
emyheadagai nsthischest.
Hi
m-"
Thi
sisi
tforme.Thi
sisal
lIneed.
"
Hesaysandki
ssest
het
opofmyheadonce
he'
sdonety
ingmyweav
eint
oamessybun.

Iwakeupmuchl aterwrappedinSiya'
sarms.
Mymout hcurvesi
ntoasmi leandItrai
lki
sses
al
onghisjawli
ne.Hepullsmecl osersmil
i
ng
whil
ehi
sey esareclosed?
Hi
m-"
Agai
n?"
Il
aughandpul lawaythenIhearmynamebei
ng
call
edf
rom downst ai
rs.Icov
ermyheadwi
tha
pil
l
owandscr eam.
Me-"
Nononono,
notagai
n!"
Si
ya-"
Ithi
nkt
hat'
syourmom,youshouldgo.
"
Hesaysashetur
nstofacehi
sbacktowards
me.Isighheavil
yandgr abasi mpledressand
underwearfr
om thecloset.Igetdressedin
l
ight
ningspeedandr undownt hestai
rs.Imiss
thel
aststepandseet her oom spinasI
anti
ci
patemyf al
l,t
henIf eelSiyascoopmeup
andgentlypl
acemeonmyf eet
.
Mom-"
Zinhl
eKhumal
o!Ar
eyouokay
?"
Me-"Yesma, i
twasacl
osecal
l.
"Ichuckl
e
sof
tl
y,butthethr
eef
acesi
nfr
ontofmeseem
uni
mpr essed.
Icl
earmyt
hroatandt
urnmyat
tent
iont
omy
mother
.
Me-"Ma,didwehaveanappoi
ntment
?If
orget
soeasi
lytheseday
s."
Her-"Wellt
hat'
spregnancy,
youshouldonl
yget
pregnantonceyou'r
ereadyforal
lthese
changes,you'
l
ljusthavetodeal
."
Zi
yanda-"
Deal
?Mom comeon!
"
Shel
aughsmaki
ngherwayt
owar
dsmet
o
str
okemybell
yandgreethernephews/ni
eces,
shedoest
hisever
yday.
Mom-"Wellt
hisboyf
ri
endofyourscalledmeto
comeover
,surpr
isesur
pri
se,he'
salreadyher
e.
Oops,
Ifor
getyoutwoarecohabit
ing."
Ziy
andalaughsandbr
eat
hesinheav
il
y,
gestur
ingf
ormom todothesame.
Zi
yanda-"Ial
sogotat
extf
rom Si
yat
omeety
ou
i
ntheloungenow."
Il
ookatSi
yai
nconf
usi
on.
Si
ya-"
Thankyouformakingyour
selves
av
ail
ablel
adi
es.Pleasef
oll
owme. "
Mom foldsherarmsov erherchestinagit
ati
on
andZiyandanudgeshert ofol
lowSiya,Iqui
ckly
fol
l
owbehi ndhimtoo.Hewal kstowardsthe
pooloutsi
deandIstarttogetanxious.

Me-"
Siy
a."
Heturnsaroundandhol
dsouthi shand,Ii
gnor
e
i
tandwal kbesi
dehim,I
'm notsurewhatmood
mom isin,andIdon'
twanthertogeteven
angr
ieronmyaccount.
Wef i
nal
lymakeourwayoutsi
deandIseewhit
e
gazebosonthef
arsi
deofthepool.Si
yacomes
toahalt
.
Him-"Ther easonwhyI '
veinv i
tedy oual l
her e
todayisbecauseIt houghtthaty out hree
haven'
tbeent ogetherinawhi le,I
'm const antl
y
occupyingZi nhle'
st i
me,andIknowt hatshe
hasalifeout sideofme.SoIf iguredwhynot
havesomedownt imet ogether?I'
llbegonef or
theday,thest affi
sher etopampery ou,
whatevery ouneed.Doenj oy."Hef lashesa
smileandki ssesmeont hecheek, disappearing
backint hehouse, leavi
ngusal l
stunned.
Zi
yanda-"
Thanky
oubr
otheri
nlaw!
"Sheshout
s
af
terSi
ya.
Mom-"
No!Idon'
trememberr
ecei
vi
ngev
ena
l
egquar
terf
rom t
hatman,
he'
sfarf
rom bei
ng
any
one'
sinl
aw."
Ziyandsroll
shereyesatmom andruns
towardst hespaset
up.Ist
areatmom andshe
walkst owardsmeholdi
ngmei nat
ight
embr ace.
Mom-" Thatmanmayl ovey ou,butI'm not
aboutt oadmi titt oany one,especiall
ynothi m.
Hemustdor i
ghtbyy ou,butlet'
senj oythisso
l
ong. "Sheki ssesmecheek. Mom andIf ollow
behindZi yandaandI 'mi naweoft heset up.The
massagebeds, thef ri
endlystaff,
theef fortless
eleganceoft heset up.MySi yareallydidi tthis
ti
me, Iseemom i nvoluntari
l
ysmi leasshe
receivesabackmassage.Zi yandai ssippi ngon
aBel l
iniwhilesheget sanewpedi cur e.Ismi le
andt hinkthatt hisi swhathappi nessmustl ook
andf eelli
ke.
[
04/
18,
16:
47]Wdz:
[73]
*
*BRANDON*
*
I'
ml yi
ngonmybed, wit
hmyhandssuppor t
ing
thebackofmyheadasIst areattheceili
ng,
withLut herVandr ossplayi
ngsof tl
yinthe
backgr ound.I t'
samusi nghow, assoonasI
comebacki ntothecount r
y,mymanner i
sms
change, mypr eferenceschange, overseasI'm
mor eofacl assical musictypeofguy ,music
withsof tinst r
ument al
sandl itt
letonol yr
ics.I
'm
mor erel axedont hi
ssideoft hewor l
d,andI '
ve
beenr eal i
zingmor eandmor eev ery
dayt hat
Ziyandahel pedmebemor ecomf or
tablewi t
h
theshif tinper sonali
ti
esthatcomesabout
whenI 'm sur roundedbymypeopl e.

Ihaveev eryt
hingthatI
'veshedbloodsweatand
tearsfor,andIthoughtthatonceIreachedmy
pinnacle,I
'dbecontent,butI
'm moreconfused
thanev er
.Thesef ewweekswi thEvehav ebeen
ar evel
ati
ont osaytheleast,
somuchhas
occurredinthey earsthatwe' vebeenapar t
,that
I'
m atacr ossroadsdeci dingwhet herthe
damagei sst i
l
l repai r
able.Ourr el
ati
onshi p
resemblesabr okengl assv ase, r
egardlessof
beingpiecedbackt ogether,thecracksand
shardsaredi f
ficultt oignore,andwecanno
l
ongerser veourpur pose, becauset hepositi
v e
stepswet akedon' thav edept handt heref
ore
mer el
ydeept hr ought hecr acks.

It
'ssafetosayt hatEveandIar enol ongert he
samepeopl eweoncewer e,she'smer elyashel l
ofthewomant hatownedmyhear t,andi t'
slike
mour ni
ngadeat hal l
overagai n.ThedayIl eft
withEveatthehospi tal
,Ididn'thavea
preconcei
vedideaofwhatt hebestst epwoul d
be,Ionlyknewt hatIhadt okeephersaf ef or
theti
mebei ng,atleastuntilourquest ionswer e
answered,andt heoneper sont hatseemedt o
holdthekeytof indi
ngclosur ewasmyf ather;
Patri
ck.Needlesst osay,he'sbeenl esst han
i
mpr essedbyt hef actthatEv ehasbeenst aying
withmei nmyl oft,especiall
ysinceIknowhow
hecr avestoendherl i
fe.I
fIwasn' thisson, he
wouldhav epr obabl ybombedmyl oftbynow,
soIguesshe' sbeenl eni
entinthatatl easthe
hasn'tactedonanyofhi sthreatsy et.I
've
procrasti
natedconf ronti
nghi m aboutEv eand
whathappenedy ear sago,becauseasmuchas
Ineedt oheart het ruth,I
'm skepti
cal ofwhat
will
ber evealed,myf atherandIhav eforgedan
i
ncrediblebondandIadmi rehim, he'shelped
moldmei ntot hemanIam t oday,butIf earthe
contemptI '
l
l feeltowar dshimi fIheart hathe
decidedmyf ateforme.
Evei sint
hebat hroom taki
ngoneofherl ong
shower s;I
'
vegr ownaccust omedtocall
ingher
thatbecauseappar entl
yit'
sthenameshe
prefersnow, IusedtocallherKhanyi
sil
e,Ifel
t
thathersecondnamer esonatedthr
oughher
personali
ty,atthatti
mesher eall
ydi
dlightup
everythi
ngshet ouched.
Me-"Eve,I
'
m goingoutforafewhours,
Iwon't
belong.
"Ishoutfr
om thebedroom whi
l
eIlook
formywalletandkey
s.
Ihearthedoorknobtur
nandsheemerges
wrappedinat owel,
herski
nst
il
ldampfrom t
he
shower,herfaci
alexpr
essi
onl
etsmeknowt hat
she'
sbey ondannoyed.
Her-"
Where?Wit
hwho?Mostimport
ant
ly,
why?"Shesay
sasshefol
dsherar
msacross
herchest
.
Me-"I
'v
ebeencoopedupinher
efort
oolong,I
hav
ebusinessest
orunandsomeanswersto
get
."
Her
-"Well
I'
ll
comewit
h."Shesay
sasshe
makesherwayt
othecl
oset.
Me-"
It
'sbusi
ness,youcan'
t.We'
l
lhav
edi
nner
t
oget
herlat
eron."
Her
-"Soyouwanttoleav
emeagain,
li
keall
t
hoseyearsago?You'
rej
ustt
hesame,you
haven'
tchanged!You'reselfi
shandcoul dcare
l
essaboutmeandmyf eel
ings!Youdon'tgetit,
I
'm al
lalone!If
eel y
oudr if
tawayf r
om meev er
y
minuteofeveryday,andIknowt hatsoony ou'l
l
behandingmeov ertoyourfatherandthen
what?Idie?"
Me-"
Yvett
e,cal
m down!Hav
en'
tIpr
otect
edy
ou
t
husfar
?"
Her-"Yes,
butwhathappenswhenyougrow
boredofmeagain?"Shesayswit
htear
s
runni
ngdownherface.
Thishasbeent henor ml atel
y,shedoesn'
twant
met oleavetheloftortospeakt omyfatheron
thephone.Ican'tbet oocr i
ti
calofherwhini
ng,
becausethelasttimeIl efther,weendedupnot
seeingeachotherf oryears,butwe'r
ehav i
ng
troubl
econnectingagai n.

Ist
andupandwalkt
owar
dsEv
eandhol
dheri
n
ati
ghtembr
ace.
Me-" Calm downEv e,let'
sdeal wi theverything
asi tcomes. "Shet urnsar oundt of acemeand
standsonhert oest oreachmyf acewi thher
hands.Shegazesi ntomyey es, andt hatlook
al
er tsmet owhat 'scomi ngnext ,soIl ookaway
andpul lawayf rom hert oescape, butnotsoon
enoughbecauseshedr opshert owel ,revealing
heramazi ngbody .Shepushesmet owar dst he
bedandIbounceont hebedwi thmyback.Ev e
wor ldmybuckl eandunzi psmyj eans, t
aking
outmyl itt
leman.Shel ooksatmei nconf usion
whenmypackagedoesn' treciprocat ethe
desi r
et hat'
ssoev identi nherey es, withit
bar elystandingt oat tention.Sheat t
empt st o
car essme, butmybodyj ustwon' trespond.My
mi ndi scloggedwi thourcur rentsi tuati
onand
i
sf loodedwi thZiyanda.
Eve-"
Whatt
hehel
l
?"Sheaskswhi
l
ehol
dingmy
nowli
mpmemberinherhand.
Me-"
I'
m sor
ry,
workst
ress."IsayasIjumpof
f
t
hebedandbuckl
emybel tandgetreadyt
o
l
eav
e.
Eve-"Whoi
sshe?Justt
ell
me! "Sheshouts
aftermewhi
leIgr
abmykey sandleavethe
room.
Ideci
detodr
ivetomyf
ather
'spl
acet
oset
tl
e
thi
sonceandforal
l
.

Iarr
iveatmyf ather'
sbeachhouseandIf i
nd
him ont hepatiosippi
ngonscotch.Itakea
deepbr eath,braci
ngmy sel
ffort
he
conversationI'
m abouttohavewiththemost
rut
hlessmanIknow.
Pat
ri
ck-"
Hav
eadr
ink,
son.
"
Hesay swit
houtlookingatme,while
concentr
ati
ngont hecrashi
ngwav esofthesea
fr
om ashortdistance.Iwal
ktowardshim and
si
tbesidehim,gazingatthebeachtryi
ngto
unravelmythoughtsandemot i
ons.
Me-"
Dad,
I.
..
"
Hi
m-"
No!Cany
ouheart
hat
?"
Il
ookathi
minconf
usi
on.
Hi
m-"It
'ssil
ence.Peaceandtranqui
l
ity
,doyou
wantt
or ui
nthismomentf ormeaswel l
?"
Isignal
forthebut
lert
obri
ngmeadri
nk,andI
recli
neonthecouchandbaski
nthev
iew.
Af
termoment
sofsi
l
ence,
dadf
inal
l
ytur
nshi
s
at
tent
iont
ome.
Him-"Iknowwhyy ou'
rehere,butbefor
eyou
passjudgementonme, f
ollowme. "Hesaysas
hegrabsthebott
leofscotchandmakeshi s
wayinsidet
hehouse,Igulpmydr inkandfol
l
ow
swif
tl
ybehindhim.

Hewal
ksi
ntot
hest
udyandhandsmeaf
older
.
Me-"Dad,
pleasecanwehav eafat
herandson
conv
ersat
ionwithoutt
het
echnical
i
tiesandy
ou
tr
eat
ingmel i
keanassoci
ate."
Him-"
I'
venev
erbeengoodwit
hwordswhenit
cametoyouboy
s,justr
eadi
tthenwecant
alk.
"
Isi
ghheavil
y,t
hensitdownandopent hefol
der
whil
edadpourshimselfanot
herdri
nk.Myey es
openwiderasIreadever
ywordont hefi
rst
pageandshockconsumesmymi nd.
Dad-"
That
'syourl
it
tl
egir
lf
ri
endfory
ou,
and
t
here'
smore.Carr
yonreadi
ng.
"
It
urnthepageandburymyheadi
nmyhands.
Dadpushesthebot
tl
eofscot
chtowar
dsme.
Hi
m-"
May
bet
hiswi
l
lhel
p."

*
*ZI
YANDA*
*
Wat chingSiyadot
eov erZinhleov erthepast
fewweeksi shear
twarmi ng.Theirlovef oreach
othercanr esonat
efrom acr ossther oom
withoutthem eventouchingeachot her.The
wayt heylookateachot herwi t
hador ationand
theirrandom smil
es,tel
laf air
ytal
e.Icoul dn'
tbe
happierformysi ster,butIcan' thelpbutf eel
envyf orthelif
et hatSiyahascr eatedf orher .
Hewoul ddoany thi
ngf orher,andt hat'
sreal l
y
j
ustwhatIwant .I'
vetriedt oreprogr am my
mindt obeinghappyandcomf ortablewi t
houta
mani nmyl i
fe,butIdohav ethosemoment s
wher eIfeellonelyandt hatsetsmebackt o
feel
ingunwant ed.Idon' twantt ospi rali
ntoa
darkhol ewher emyhar ml essenv yofZi nhle
andhermant urnsi nt
ogr eenj ealousy ,
sot he
soonerIr emov emy selffrom thesi tuati
ont he
bett
er .

Ihaven'tbeenabl etost opmy sel

ffrom thi
nking
aboutBr andon, andIdespi semy selfforit
.
WhenI '
mi nmybedal one,cravi
ngaman' s
touch,he'st hefirstpersonthatcomest omind,
IguessIhadn' treali
zedhowmuchofani mpact
hehadonmyl if
eunt i
l heabruptl
yleftme.I've
repl
ayedev eryconv ersati
onwe' v
eev erhadi n
myheadandIhav etosomet imesst opmy sel
f
fr
om wonder
ingi
fhet
hinksaboutmeasmuch
asIt
hinkofhim.

I'
m embar rassedt osayt hatoneev eningIhada
momentofweakness.Ihadaf ewgl assesof
wine,andbyt het i
meIhadcr awl edint obed,my
emot i
onswer eallovert hepl ace.Bur ieddeepin
mysui t
casewasmyl itt
ler ubberf r
iend; my
vi
brator.Idownl oadedabunchofBr andon's
photosandpl easuredmy sel
fwi thonehand
whil
eIst aredathi spi ct
ur esint heot her.When
myl egsshiver edfrom mypeak, Imi ssedhi m
evenmor eandal mostswal l
owedmypr i
deand
call
edhi m,luckilythealcohol gotthebet t
erof
me, andIdr i
ftedt osleep.

Todayisthedamagesceremonyandt hat
meansI'mleavi
ngthecountr
yinjusttwoday s.I
havetogobacktoreal
ity,
andthere'
snot hi
ngI
dreadmore.I'
minmyr oom wit
haner vous
Zi
nhl
ewhenshet
urnst
ofaceme.
Her-"Brandonj
ustsenty
ouatextaski
ngt
o
t
alk."Shesayswhil
ewav i
ngmyphoneinmy
f
ace.
Il
ookatt
hescr
eenthat
'si
l
lumi
nat
edbyan
i
nfl
uxoft
ext
sfrom t
hesamenumber
.
Her
-"I
sther
esomet
hingy
ouwantt
otel
lme?
"
Il
aughasIreadthet
ext
sandfeelmyheartl
eap
outofmychestwhenIr
eadt
hel astone"
I'
m
outsi
de.
"
Me-"
I'
ll
ber
ightback.
"Isayi
napani
c.
[
04/
18,
16:
48]Wdz:
[74]

*
*BRANDON*
*
Iscrut
ini
zeeverypagei
nthefolderandthr
owit
onacrossthedeskinPatr
ick'
soffi
ce.It
akethe
bott
leofscotchandgul
pdownaf ewsipsthen
recl
i
nebackont hechai
r.
Me-"
Pat
ri
ck,
whatt
hehel
li
sthi
s?"
Him-"Well
fir
stl
y,i
tsdad.Whatt
hatis,
isthe
t
ruthaboutyoursupposedl
oveofyourli
fe.
"
Me-"Thisisprobablynoteventrue.I
sthisone
ofyourstuntstokeepmeawayf rom Yvette
agai
n?Whenwi lli
tstop?Whenwi lly
oust op
contr
oll
i
ngmyl if
e?"Iscream asIthr
owt he
bott
leagainsttheroom.
Patr
ickmaint
ainshiscomposur
eandthat
fr
ustrat
esandaggravatesmeevenmore.
Him-"Ihopeyousti
l
lhaveenoughlef
tiny
our
accountstopayf
orthatbot
tl
e."Hesaysi
na
cal
mt one.

Itakeaseatasev
ery
thi
ngIsawi
nthef
older
racest
hroughmymind.
Patr
ick-"
Youthinkt
hatI'
mt hemonsterfor
removingherf
rom yourl
if
ey ear
sago?Iwasn'
t
abouttoletmysonmar r
yagol ddi
ggingwhor
e!
Thesameweekt hatyoulef
t,shewassl eeping
withsomeoneelse,thenallofasuddenshe' s
pregnant?Imadeanexecutivedecision,andI
sti
llst
andbyit,
she'sadestructi
veforceand
youwer eonyourwayt osecuri
ngy ourfutur
e,
asaf at
herIcoul
dn'twatchthatall
got owast e.
"
Me-"
Itwasn'
tyourdeci
siont
omake!
"
Hi
m-"
Unbel
i
evabl
e!"
Me-"Musty
ouconst
ant
lyl
i
vev
icar
iousl
y
t
hroughme?"
Hechuckl
esl
oudl
ythenl
ooksatmei
ntent
ly.
Him-"You'
rechannel
ingyourangerinthewrong
way,t
heper sonyoushoul
dbet hrowingthi
ngs
ati
sthatwhor et
hatyou'
reevidentl
ysti
ll
in
deni
alabout."
Me-"Idon'tknowi fanyofwhatIreadistr
ue,I
thi
nkit'
sunderstandablethatIbewaryofyour
credi
bil
i
ty.Besides,everyt
hingthatKhany
isi
le
hasdonest emsf r
om y ou!
"
Him-" Me?Thef actthatsheshar esabedwi th
youandy etisstil
ldrainingf undsf r
om y our
account s,t
ellmesondoest hatstem from me
aswel l
?Thef actthatshel iest oyouonadai l
y
basis,beggingy outost ayatt heloftwi
thher
becauseshe' slonely,meanwhi l
eshe'shacking
i
ntoy ourdev i
cesst ealingyourhar dearned
moneyandsendi ngittoHERof fshoreaccounts,
thatallstemsf rom me?Sheal mostkil
l
edt hat
poorgirl i
nthehospi tal,shesl eptwithyour
brother,Ievenhadapassatherand. .
"
Me-"
Wai
t,what
?Youdi
dwhat
?"
Him-" Youshoul
dpr obabl
ycal
m downfi
rst
,but
yes,Ibentheroveronce.Rememberwhenyou
broughthertothehouset of
ormal
lyi
ntr
oduce
usandIwasv ocalabouthowyoucoul
ddo
betterandsoon? "
Me-"
Pat
ri
ckgett
othedamnpoi
nt!
"
Him-"Okay!Wel
lyouhadanemer
gency
conf
erencecal
landIret
ir
edtomyst
udy
becauseIhadnot hi
ngtosaytothegirl
.Well
shefoll
owedme, askingaboutwhatshecould
dotogetintomygoodbooks, beforeIcould
answer,shestr
ippednakedandbentov er.I
don'
tthinkIneedtogoi nt
odetai
laboutthe
rest
."
Me-"
Dad,
whatt
hef
uck?
"
Hi
m-"it
'soneofmygr
eat
estr
egr
ets,
ift
hat
meansanythi
ng.
"
Me-"
I'
mleav
ing.
"
Him-"Son,I
'm sorrybuty
oushoul dknowabout
thedevil
you'
resl eepi
ngwith.Sheknowsthat
youkil
ledherfatherandthatIhel
pedcoverit
up."
Me-"
Whhaaat
?!"
Hi
m-"
What
evershe'
spl
anni
ng,
itsbi
g."
Isi
tbackonthechai
rasIfeel
mywholebody
shi
ver
,Ibur
ymyheadi nt
hepalmsofmyhands.
Me-"
Dad,
I.
."
Him-"It
'sokayson,Ithi
nkthiscal
l
sf oranot
her
bott
leofthegoodst uff
.I'
l
lbeback."Hesaysas
hedisappearsoutofthestudy.
Me-"
Shi
t.
"

*
*SI
YA*
*
I
'm sit
ti
ngr ecli
ningint hedriversseatofmycar
outsi
deZinhl e'
shomewhi l
esomedi stant
rel
ati
vesnegot iatedamagesi nside.Isentthem
i
nwi thasui t
casef ul
l ofcash, butknowing
them,someofi tlandedi ntheirpockets,butit
's
asmal lpr
icet opayf ordoingr ightbyZinhleand
herfamily
.
I'
mr eadingsomeemai l
swhenIcomeacr oss
anemai l f
rom Pam, it
'sprobablyherbeggingfor
herjobback, li
kethepastf ewday s.Nothing
couldpr eparemef orwhatIsee.Abunchof
pict
uresofPam spr awledont hefloornaked,i
n
diff
erentlinger
iepieces.Inarr
owmyey esasa
shortvideoofherpopsupwi t
hherpl easuri
ng
hersel
f.Ishi
ftuncomfor
tablyonmyseatas
sweatdropletsfor
m onmyf orehead,
Igawkat
thepict
uresbecauseshe'sundeniabl
ysexy
,and
Isuccumbt oweakness.

Idecidetogi
vePam acallandsett
hings
str
aightonceandf
orall
,sheanswersonthe
secondring.
Pam-"
Hi,
gotmyl
i
ttl
epr
evi
ew?
"
Me-"
Pam,
whatar
eyoupl
ayi
ngat
?"
Pam-" LookSiya,
Iknowtherewasconfli
ctof
i
nterestwhil
eIwaswor kingf
oryou,butnow
thatI'
m nolongerworki
ngforyou,
allbet
sare
off.
"
Me-"Pam, It
riedbeingnicet
oy ou.NowIguess
Ishoul
dbef rank.Idon'
twantyou, y
ouhave
nothi
ngthatI'
dr i
skmyf amil
yfor."
Her
-"Igeti
t,y
ou'r
ewitht
hatf
atbal
l
,butI
'
ll
makeyoufeelgood,
and.
."
Me-"Shutup, Idon'
twanttohavetobl
ackl
ist
you.I
'm notbuy i
ngwhatyou'r
esell
i
ng,
goodbye!"Ihangupanddel et
ethesof
tporn
fr
om Pam andcont inuet
oanxiousl
ywait
.
IseeZi y
andawal koutthegat eoft heirhouse
andlookar oundasi fshe'sexpect i
ngsomeone
andt hat
'swhenInot i
ceacarf l
icki
ngi t'
slight
s
behindme.Iadj ustmyr earv iewmi rrorand
spotEv einov er
sizedsungl asses,Ilookahead
andseeZi yandasl owlyjoggingt owardsus.I
j
umpoutoft hecarandr unt oEv e'
scar ,but
beforeIreachi t
,sheturnsont heengi neand
speedsof finZiyanda'sdirecti
on.
Me-" Zi
yanda!Ruuuuun!"IshoutasIrunaft
er
thecar.Ziyandalooksatmei nconfusi
on,t
hen
l
ooksatt hespeedingv ehi
cle.Shej
umpsoutof
thewayj ustinti
me, r
oll
ingontothefl
ooronthe
sideofther oad.Ir
untohersi deasEvespeeds
off.Ipul
lZiyandaintomyar msandholdheras
sheshakesandsobsuncont r
oll
abl
y.
Me-"
It
'sokay
,you'
reokay
."
IsayasIinspecthertr
embli
ngbody.Zi
nhl
e'
s
mom comesr unningoutt
owardsus,swi
ft
ly
foll
owedbymyf amilymembersandawaddling
Zinhle.
Zamokuhle-"
Whathappened?Whowast hat
?"
ShescreamsasshescoopsZiyandai
ntoher
arms.
Zi
yanda-"
I'
mfi
nema,
itwasjustadrunkdr
iver
."
Shemanagest
osayt
hroughhertear
s.
Zamokuhl
e-"Sur
pri
sesurpri
se,
Siyabonga
Nyathi
isi
nthemidstofall
ofthi
s."Shesays
wit
hasmirkonherface.
Ziyanda-"Ma,he'
stheonewhosav
edme."
Zinhlefi
nall
yreachesuswit
hworr
ywr
it
tenon
herface.
Zi
nhl
e-"
Yanda,
kwenzenj
ani
(whathappened?
)
Me-"Not
hing,
shoul
dn'
tyouberest
ing?
"I
gest
uret
oherswoll
enfeet
.Sherol
lsherey
esat
meandat t
emptst
ocrouchdowntoZi
yanda,
butsheyel
psouti
npain.Ir
usht
ohersi
deand
shepushesmeaway.
Zi
nhl
e-"
I'
mfi
ne.Let
'sgetYandai
nthehouse.
"
Theeldershel
pZiyandaupandcar
ryheri
nto
thehousewhileZi
nhlecomestoahal
tand
walkstowardsme.
Her
-"Whatr
eal
l
yhappened?Shewassupposed
t
omeetwithBr
andon.
"
Me-"
Itwasn'
tBr
andon,
itwasEv
e."
Shecl
osest
hegapbet
weenusandl
ooksatme
i
ntent
ly.
Her-"Idon'
tcarewhatyouhavet odoany more,
ki
llt
hebi t
chifyouhaveto.I
'm notgivi
ngbirt
h
wit
hherr unni
ngaroundwithallthispowerover
us.Handlethi
sSiyabongaNyathi."Shetur
nsher
heelsandsway sherl
argebutttowardsthe
house.
[
04/
18,
16:
49]Wdz:
So,
we'
rei
nthef
inal
mont
h
oft
hey
ear
.Let
'smakei
tcount
!

[
75]

*
*BRANDON*
*
Inar
rowmyey
esgazi
ngatthewall
aheadof
measIgul
pdownmyfour
thglassofscot
ch.
Patr
ick-"
Takei
teasyson.
"Hesay
sashewal
ks
towardsmeandpatsmyshoul
der.
Me-"Ev
eryt
hingi
sawhirl
windri
ghtnow,
Ineed
aminutet
ofigur
ethi
ngsout.
"
Him-"Wellt
imewai t
sf ornoman, ni
pthi
sinthe
budimmediatelybeforeshesucksyou
complet
elydry.Idon'tt
hinkIneedtospel
lout
whatneedstobedone. "
Me-"
Dad,I
'
m nott
hatguy.Khany
isil
e'
sfather
wasamist
ake,
Iwasyoungandst upi
d."
Hi
m-"
Yes,
buti
thappenedandt
her
easont
his
gi
rlwon'
tl
eav
eyoualonei
sbecauseoft
hat
mist
akeyoumade.
"
Me-"
Ineverwantedanyoft
hist
ohappen,
it
wasamistake!
"
Him-"Yes,butyouwerejusttoensur
ethatshe
andherfami l
yweretakencareofaft
erher
fat
herdied,butyouf
ellforher
!Whatdidyou
thi
nkwasgoi ngtohappen?"
Me-" I
twasn' tmyi nt
ent i
on!Youknowt hatIwas
consumedbygui ltafterIcr ashedi ntothatman!
Icouldn'teatorsleepf orweeks!Thei magesof
hislif
elessbodyspr awl edont her oadstil
l
hauntsmet oday.Itwasaj uv enil
edr unken
mi st
ake, t
heleastIcoul ddowasensur ethat
shewast akencar eofaswel l asherf amil
y.
Falli
nginlovewi thherwasnev erpartofthe
plan,itj
usthappened.I talleviatedsomeofmy
stressknowi ngthatIwast aki ngcar eofher
afterItookthemostpr ecioust hi
ngf rom her
,it
gav emeasenseofr eli
ef.Iconst antl
ydebated
overtel
li
ngher,buti
twaspointl
essaft
ershe
l
eftme, oratl
eastIt
houghtshedid.NowI'
ve
puttheli
vesofsomanypeopl ei
ndanger.
"Isay
astearsfl
oodmyey es.
Patr
ick-"Manupson.Icanhel pgetyourmoney
back,buty ouhavetopromisemethatyou'l
l
handlethisYvett
eissue,per
manentl
y."Helooks
atmei ntentl
yandIlookawayasat earruns
downmycheek.
Me-"
Dad,
I.
."
Him-"No,t
hismustbedone.Ot
her
wisewe'
l
l
neverhav
epeace.
"

Igetuptol eavetheroom, andItakethebot t

le
ofscotchwi thme.Ireti
retooneoft heguest
roomsont hef i
rstfl
oorandspringont othebed
asabunchoft houghtsracethr
oughmymi nd,
andItracemymemor ybacktothef atef
ul
eveni
ngt hatturnedmei nt
oamur derer.
Iwentoutwi thabunchoff riendscel ebr ating
mybi r
thday ,Ihadaf ewt oomanydr i
nksand
madet hewor stdeci sionofget t
ingbehi ndt he
wheel .Iwasheav ilyint oxicat ed,arr
ogant
becauseofmynewsetofwheel sandIhad
doneaf ewl i
nesofcocai ne.Iwasi nvincibl e
thatev ening/ earlymor ning.Ir ememberdr iving
aroundi nci rcles,get tingl ostonmywayt oone
oft hewomenIwasshaggi ngatt hetime.I
closedmyey esjustf orami nut e,andbef oreI
knewi t
,Ihi tsomet hingandr odeov erit.That
didn'tsobermeup, becauseIr eversedont ot he
sameobj ect.Ijumpedoutofmycarand
stumbl edt ot her earendoft hecar ,andt hat's
whenIr ealizedt hatwhatIhadcr ashedi nto
wasaper son.Hi sl ifelessbodywi thbl ood
spewi ngf rom ev er yinchofi tsentchi l
lst hrough
mybody .Istoodt her eshel lshockedf or
mi nutesonendunt il Isnappedbackt omy
senses.Myf irstphonecal lwast omyf ather ,my
speechwassl urr
edandmyv i
sionwashazy.
Wi t
hinmi nutes,
Patrickhadar r
ivedwit
hhis
entour ageandIwasescor t
edhome.Il ayi
nbed
forov eraweek, unablet oeatorsleep.I
wat chedt henewsconst antl
y,asnewsabouta
hitandr unmadeadai l
yappear anceonevery
channel .Hewasami ddleagedmanonhi sway
towor kwhenItookhi sli
fe.Hewassur vi
vedby
anYv ett
eKhanyisil
e,hi sdaughterandhiswif
e
Bridget t
e.

Atfi
rstmyi ntent i
onsregardingKhany i
sil
ewer e
tocomei ntoherl if
easaconcer nedpar t
y ,
give
heral umpsum ofmoney ,thenmov eonwi t
h
mylife.Unf ortunately
,fatehadot herpl ansandI
fel
lhar dforher ,andIassumeshef eltthesame
aboutme.Onceourr elat
ionshipdev elopedand
myf eelingsforhergr ewdeeper ,
Imadea
deci
siont ot akemysecr ettothegr ave.Khany i
wasmyev erything,andlif
ewi t
houtherwoul d
bebleak, Ideci dedtochangef orthebet terand
l
ivef
orherandourf
utur
eandt
ryt
orel
easet
he
past
.

Now, year
slatermybur iedpasthasr esurrected
tobitemei nt heass.Iknowt hati fIdon't
eli
mi nateher,she'
lldestructmyl if
eslowl ybut
surely.Howev erhowdoIj ustifykill
ingsomeone
again?Howwi l
lIl
iv
ewi thmy self?Iknowt hat
Patri
ckpr efersmet otakecar eoft heprobl em,
becausehe' salwaysbeenmyf ixerandf or
closure,Ineedt odothismy self,Ijusthav eto
comet otermswi t
hmyr ealityandheadbackt o
myl i
f eoverseas,myl i
feandt helivesoft he
peopl eIcareaboutdependoni t .

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
I
'm 28weekspr egnantandext remel
y
uncomfor
table.I'
m onSi ya'
slaptopcomplet
ing
oneofmyf i
rstfewqui zzesforoneofmy
moduleswhenani nf
luxofemai l
sdi
stur
bme.
Theemai l
sautomat i
call
ypopopenandIseea
clearviewofPam' sladypar tsplaster
edont he
screen.Byt heti
meI '
m donebr owsingthrough
hisemai l
s,I'
m wellacquaintedwi theveryinch
ofPam' sbody .Ir
olloffthebedandmakemy
wayout sidetothepool area,Isli
dehislapt opin
thepool andwaddl ebacki nsidewhereIgoi nt
o
Ziyanda'sr oom andcuddl ewi thheronherbed.
Sher unsherhandst hroughmyhai randki sses
mycheek.
Her
-"Il
eav
etomor
rowev
eni
ng,
remember
?"
Me-"
Doy
ouhav
etogo?
"
Her
-"Thosepuppyey
eswon'
twor
kagai
n."I
l
aughsoftl
y.
Me-"WhataboutBr
andon?Iseehowy
oust
alk
hi
m onsocial
media.
"
Her-"Let
snottal
kabouthim.Soy ou'
rereal
l
y
goingtoletmegobackov er
seaswi t
houtme
knowingwhetherI
'm hav
ingniecesor
nephews? "
Me-"Well
,Itol
dSiyathatI'
mr eadyt
ofindout.
I
t'
sonlypracti
calt
hatIknowt hegenderofmy
munchki
nssoIcanpr epare.Yanda,I
'm goi
ngto
beamot her!
"IsayasIpinchherarm.
West aycuddledineachother'sarmsuntil
we
bothdozeof f
.Ourbli
ssful
sl eepisint
err
upted
byal oudknockonthedoor .Ziyandadoesn'
t
fl
inchsoIshiftof
fthebedandopent ofindan
angrylooki
ngSiya.
Him-" Soy outhoughtmyl aptopwoul dwor k
bett
eri nthepool ?Zinhle,somet i
mesIj ustdon't
knowwi t
hy ou.Any way ,bef
orey outrytobe
smar tandj usti
fyyouract i
ons,pleasegowi th
Ziy
andat ot hebi r
thingclasstomor row, Ihavea
shareholdersmeet i
ng.Ohandpl easepi ckup
mysui tsfrom thecl eaners,becauseit'
llbeon
yourway ,andt akeZi yandaoutf orbrunchj ust
asaf arewel lf
rom thebot hofus.Ar ey ou
spendingt henighther e?"
Me-"
I'
ll
ber
ightupBab'
Nyat
hi.Hav
eyoueat
en
si
r?"
Him-"No,stayhere.That
'l
lpr
obablybebest.
Goodnight
."Hej ogsupthestai
rsandleavesme
rol
l
ingmyey esattheconver
sati
onthatjust
t
ookplace.

Iwakeupi nthemor ni
ngt oasnoringZiyanda
andshakeherv i
gorouslytowakeup.I ttakesa
l
otofwill
powerf orhert ofinal
lyopenherey es
andunderstandt hewor dsthatarecomingout
ofmymout h.Twohour sl
ater,we'
rebothr eady
tol
eave.Ilookatheri nenv yinhershort
j
umpsuitandheel sthenlookatmy sel
fina
whit
emaxi dressthatseemst obet i
ghterthan
i
tshouldbe, andsi mpleslopsbecauseofmy
swoll
enfeet .
Me-"Idon'
tevenknowwhywe'r
edriv
ingtothi
s
pr
enatalcl
ass,y
oushoul
djustr
oll
mear ound.
"
Zi
yandarol
l
sherey
esandpicksanappl
eand
makesherwayt
othegar
age.Siy
afi
nall
yjogs
downt hest ai
rsconcent ratedonaphonecal l
whil
ev igorouslytypingonhi siPad.Iwaveat
him andhenodst henwal ksintheopposite
dir
ection,Itakethatasmycuet oleaveand
walkbr i
sklytothegar age.I'm zonedoutduring
theclassandZi y
anda'sexci t
ementi sfr
ankly
annoying.She'sengagedandenj oyi
ngtheclass
andI'm count i
ngev erysecondt hatpasses.

Wef i
nallymakeittobrunchandmymoodi s
evenmor esomberwhenIr eali
zethatZiyanda
i
sleavingsoon.Sheseemsanxi oustoleave,
butIwantt osqueezeinmor et
imewi t
hhersoI
keeporder i
ngappeti
zeraft
erappeti
zer,muchto
heragi
t ati
on.
Ziy
anda-"Zi
nhl
e,wehavet oleav
e.We'
vebeen
outforhour
s,I
'
m notfi
nishedpacki
ngandIst
il
l
havetoseemom befor
eIl eave.
"
Me-"Sothere'
snowayIcanchangey
ourmi
nd
aboutl
eaving?
"
Shegi v
esmeabor edl
ookandIgul pdownthe
l
astofmymi l
kshake.Icanfeeltheki
logr
ams
pil
eonal lovermybodybyt hetimewel eave
therestaurant
,I'
m souncomf or
tablet
hat
Ziyandadrivesushome.

Wemakeourwayi nsi
deandbef
oreIcanst
op
mysel
f,Ipasswi
nd.
Ziy
anda-"
Zinhl
e!Eeeuuuwandi
tst
inks!
"She
shout
swhilecover
inghermout
h.
Me-" I
t'
sthemunchki ns,Iswear .
"Isaywhi l
e
l
aughing.It akeafewstepsi ntotheloungeand
I'
m bombar dedbyabunchofpeopl ey el
l
ing
"Surpr
ise!"simult
aneously.IseeSiyalaughing
from adistancewhileholdingontohi sstomach
andcov eringhismouth.Ziyandar ushestomy
side.
Her
-"Sothisi
syourbabyshower
."She
whi
spersinmyear.
Me-"Di
dIreal
l
yjustf
arti
nfr
ontofal
lthese
peopl
e?"
Yanda-"
I'
m sur
enoonehear
d."
Me-"ThelookonSiya'
sfaceandmom'ssays
somethi
ngdiff
erent
."IsayasIr
untooneofthe
guestr
oomsi ntear
s.

[
04/
18,
16:
49]Wdz:
[76]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Ipaceupanddownt her oom asIcovermyf ace
wit
hmyhandsi nembar rassmentandI '
m
swiftl
yfollowedbydeaf eningknocksont he
door.Myphoner ingsfort hefif
thti
meandi t
's
obviouslySiya.Isi tdownont hebedandl augh
atmy selfuntil
Igetst i
tches,yesI'
m humi l
iat
ed,
butthere'snot imemachi netotur
nbackt he
handsoft ime, andI '
m par ti
all
ynoteven
surpri
sedt hatI'vemanagedt oembarrass
my
sel
fyetagai
n.
Me-"Yout wol i
ter
all
yalway shavethewor st
ti
ming!You'dbet t
ergetitri
ghtwheni t'
st i
meto
comei nt
ot hewor l
d,okay?"IsayasIst rokemy
bell
y.Iwalktothedoorandsl owlyturnt heknob
anditimmedi atel
yswingsopen.Siy alooksat
mewi thconcernandmar chesint
ot heroom,
l
ockingthedoorbehi ndhim andlockingmom
andZiyandaout si
de.
Hi
m-"
Arey
ougood?
"
Il
ookathim andassoonasourey
esl
ock,
we
bot
hbursti
ntolaught
er.
Hi
m-"CanIaskwhatt
hatwasabout
?"Hesay
s
i
nbet
weenchuckl
es.
Me-"DoIr eall
yhavetogointodetai
labout
whathappened?I t
'sbadenoughthatIhadto
l
ivethroughitoncealr
eady,don'
tmakeme
repl
ayitplease.Whatyoucandoi stell
me
what'
sgoi ngonoutthere?
"Ilookupi nt
ohi
s
capti
vati
ngey es.
Heleadsmet othelargeful
ll
engthmir
roron
theopposi
tesideoftheroom andst
ands
behi
ndmewhi lestari
ngatmet hr
oughthe
mirr
or.
Him-"Wel
l
,seet
his?
"Hesay
sashest
rokesmy
bel
ly
.
Him-"Iwantedust ocelebr
atethistimeinour
l
ivesthoroughly
.Iwantedtocapt urethese
moment sofy ouglowi
ngbecausey ou'r
e
carr
yingourcreati
ons,andsincey ou'
reso
i
ncredibl
yfussyandannoy edatev eryt
hingIdo,
Ideci
dedt otakeholdofthereignsont hisone.I
wanty outoenjoyyour
self,I
'
llbeoutofy our
way,butjusthavefun.
"Hesay swhi legentl
y
massagingmyneck.
Me-"Whati
fIdon'
twanty
out
oleav
e?"IsayasI
f
lut
termyeyel
ashes.
Hi
m-"Arey
ousay
ingt
haty
oudon'
twantmet
o
l
eave?
"
It
urnar
oundt
ofacehi
m andi
ntwi
nemyf
inger
s
ar
oundhi
sneck.
Me-"St
ayplease.Idon'
tthi
nkIwantt
odot
his
wi
thoutyou.
"
Hecr
ouchesdownandki
ssesmycheek.
Him-"Igotasty
listt
opickafewoutfitopt
ions
fory
ou, she'
l
lbr
ingthem i
njustnow."Hewi nks
atmet henmakeshiswayt othedoor.
Him-"I'
m surenoonehear dyouletitr
ip,t
hey
probabl
ythinkitwasjustareal
lyloudburp."He
saysashel aughsevenlouderwhileopeni
ng
thebedroom door.Ipi
ckupacushi onfrom the
fl
oorandt hr
owi ti
nhisdir
ecti
on.
Hi
m-"Il
oveyoutoo!
"Heshoutsfr
om out
side
t
heroom whi
lel
aughi
nguncontr
oll
abl
y.

Anhourlater,
I'
m gazi
ngatmyr ef
lecti
oninthe
mirrormental
lypr
epari
ngmy selfforthecrowd
thatawait
smeout si
de.I'
mi nawhi teandgold
l
ongGr eci
aninspi
redcreat
ion,goldsandalsand
anel egantwhi teflowercr own.Ir ushoutoft he
room andf loatt othel i
v i
ngr oom wher eI'
m met
bydoz ensofpeopl escr eami ngt hei r"oooh's"
and" aaah'
s"whi l
ecl appi ngandf lashi ngtheir
smi les.Thewar mt hi nther oom al lowsmet o
genui nelysmi leandIf eel t
ear sthr eat ento
escapemyey es.Myey eswanderar oundt he
room i nsear chofmySi ya, andt henIspothi m,
l
ooki ngef fortl
essl ysexyi nf adedj eansand
crispwhi teshi r
t ,f
ol dedatt hesl eev es.Whenhe
spot sme, hebl owsaki ssatmet henf adesoff
i
nt ot hebackgr ound.Ther oom i sf ill
edwi th
distantcousi ns, somegi rlsIwentt ohi gh
school wit
handaf ewacquai ntances.Idon' t
hav eacl oser elati
onshi pwi thanyoft hese
women, butI'm gladt heycl earedt hei r
schedul esnonet heless.I '
m sur r
oundedby
womenst rokingmybel lyandt hr owi ng
compl i
ment smyway ,I
'm beami ngandI 'm
l
ov ingev erysecondofi t, Iseeaf ew
phot ographer ssnapawayandIf eelasenseof
cont
ent
ment
.

Itakeast epbackandt oabsor bmy

surroundi ngs, andI '
mi naweoft hem.The
housei nnowayr esembl est hesamehouseI
wokeupi nj ustaf ewhour spr ior.Thel iv
ing
room i sor dai nedwi thanassor tmentoff lower s,
whi t
er osesdomi natingt hough.Ther ear e
elegantdai ntydecor ationsscat t
eredal lov er
ther oom, t
abl eswi t
ht reatsandgoodi es,pi nk
andbl uemockt ail
s, andpar tfavors.Imakemy
wayout sideandI '
m capt i
vat edbyt hesi ght
befor eme.Thet erracei sint ri
catelydecor ated
withbl ushandwhi tef l
ower sandf ur ni
turet o
mat ch.Ther esal argesi gnont heent r
ancet o
thet erracewhi chreads" Mommy 'scor ner"and
asmal lersi gnbel owwhi chr eads" Daddyt oo,i
f
he'si nv i
ted. "Mymout haut omat icallycurv es
i
nt oasmi lewhenInot icet hedet ail.There'sa
rectangul arl ongt abl eont hel awnbesi det he
pool wi thbl ushandwhi t
eunder t
onest aking
over,
andl i
ghtbluehi
ntsonthet
ableandchair
decorati
ons.I
talll
ooksli
kesomethi
ngfrom a
fai
ryt
ale,andit
'smyreali
ty.

Iheadbackinsidewherethel
ivi
ngroom i
sfil
l
ed
withchat
terandlaught
er.Zi
yandaannounces
thati
tsti
mef orsomegames, andever
yone
gather
saround.
Siy asurprisi
nglypart
ici
patesi never
ygame,
from t hebabybot t
ledrinkofftothediaper
changi ngchal l
engeandheseemst ohavebeen
thor oughlyenjoyi
nghimsel f
.He'sinhiselement
ast hewomencompl imenthim onbei ngsucha
handsonpar t
nerwhilestrokinghisbroad
shoul dersandgazi ngintohismesmer izi
ng
ey es.
Ziyanda-"Okay
,lastgameev ery
one!Wehavea
fewquest i
onsfrom theunbornbabi
es,t
hatt
hey
want edtoasktheirpar
ents.Youtwowil
lbe
giv
enboar dstowr it
eyouranswersand
whoevergetsthemostanswer
sri
ght
,get
sa
speci
alpri
ze!"
Si
yatakesaseatbesi
demeandget
shi
s
markerr
eady.
Ziy
anda-"Okaymommy,fi
rstquest
ion.Does
daddySiy
awantli
tt
legi
rl
sorbabyboy s?"
Siy
awr i
tesonhisboar
dandIstar
eathim
seeki
ngaclue,buthe'
snotgi
vi
nganyt
hing
away.
Me-"
BabyBoy
s,def
ini
tel
y.
"
Siy
ar eveal
shisboar
dandhe'
swr
it
ten
"pr
incesses"oni
t.
Afewquesti
onsl at
er,i
t'
sobvi
oust
hatSi
yahas
wonthegame, Iguessheknowsmebett
erthan
It
houghthedid.

Lunchisserv
edandweallmakeourway
outsi
de,It
akemyseatontheter
raceandSiy
a
si
tsalmostontopofme.Mom andZiyandasit
ont hetwofr
eeseat sontheterracewhilethe
restofthegueststakethei
rseatsont helong
rectangul
art
able.Istuf
fmyf acewi t
hsome
canapésthenInoticemom gr abholdoft hemic.
Mom-" Zinhl emychi ld,Iwon' tbel ongbutI
want edt osayaf ewwor ds.TheLor dhas
blessedy ouwi tht heset wol ittl
elives, which
meanshe' sent r
ust edy ouandSi yabongat o
taker esponsi bil
ityoft hem andr aiset hem t he
bestwayy oucan.Bot hofy our emembert o
prayf orthesel i
tt
lel i
ves, ther ewi l
l bet ears,
sleeplessni ght sandar gui ng, butt r
usti nHi m
andi nsti
llint hem f ait
hi nChr ist.Don' tlet
any oneot hert hanHi m di ctatey ourpar enti
ng,
andt rustme, you'llnev erbef ullypr epar edfor
thehur ri
canet hatababybr ingsi ntoy ourl i
fe,
butt hat'
st hej oyinl i
fe, embr acingt heunknown.
Siyabonga, I
'mt rust i
ngy ouwi thmydaught er
andmygr andbabi es, beaf at herthaty ouwi l
l
bepr oudof .Thanks. "
Whenshe'
sdoneIi
mmedi
atel
yat
tackherwi
th
ahug,shewipesmyt
earswhenshepul
lsaway
andasImakemywayt omyseatagai
n,Ihear
Siy
aont hemic.
Him-"Firstl
y,thanky ouallforcomi ng,
we
appreciateitsomuch.Zi nhle,mylove,you
knowt hatourr elati
onshiphasn'tbeena
conventionalone, butIfeelthatourlovehas
managedt osur passever y
thingthatwe've
encount er
ed.
I'
m surey ou'r
ewonder ingwhereyourgif
tsare,
welltherearen'tany.Iaskedthatourguest
s
don'tbuyanygi fts,
becauseIwant edtogif
tyou
withagr eatergif
tandIdi dn'
twanttooutshi
ne
anyone."Hechuckl essof t
ly.
Him-"So, t
here'
saquest i
ont hatI'
vebeen
meani ngtoasky ou.
"Her eachesinhi sback
pocketandIseeasmal lblackv el
vetbox
resti
ngonhi strembl
inghands.Iheart hecr
owd
scream inexcit
ementandZi y andashout
somet hi
ngf r
om adistance.Myv i
siongets
blur
redfr
om t
hetearst
hatforminmyeyesand
Iholdoutmyl
efthandtowardshi
m asmyhear
t
l
eapsoutofmychestinexhil
arat
ion.
[
04/
18,
16:
50]Wdz:
[77]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Siyagr absmyhandandput st hev el
v etboxon
mypal m andhel psmeopeni t.Iclosemyey es
i
nant icipationandf i
nall
yopent hem topeep
i
nsidet hedai ntybox.Iseeashi mmer i
nggold
key.IlookupatSi yaandhenar rowshi seyesin
confusi onwhenheseesmyf acialexpression
changef r
om exci t
ementt odisappoi ntment.
Ourey esl ockandnoneofusbl inkaswe
examineeachot her'
sfacial
expr essions.We
eventual l
ysnapoutoft healt
er natewor ldwe'v
e
bothtrav eledtowhenweheart hecr owdshout
"whati sit?"
Ir
aiseaney
ebr
owatSi
yaandgi
vehi
m abor
ed
l
ook.
Me-"
Yeah,
Siy
a;whati
sit
?"
Siy
aholdsontothemicr
ophoneandcl
ear
shi
s
thr
oati
npreparati
ont
ospeak.
Him-" Well
, Iwassay ingthatther e'
saquest i
on
thatI'
vebeenmeani ngt oaskt hemot herofmy
kidshere.Iwaswonder i
ngZi nhl eKhumaloi f
you'ddomet hehonorofbui ldingahomewi th
me?Thi sisakeyt oournewhouset hatIwas
hopingy ou'dturni ntoahome.Thi sspacei sn't
thebestenv i
ronmentf orourlittlemunchki ns,
soar eyouupt omov ingoncemor e?"Hesay s
withasmi lepl asteredonhi sf ace.Mymom
clapsonceandl ooksawayaf tershout i
ng
"hheh!"Ziyandaont heot herhandl ookselated
alongwi t
ht heot herguest s.Inodsl i
ghtl
yand
Siyascoopsmeandmyf atbodyupi nawar m
embr aceasIgi veev eryoneabl ankexpression.
Nowt hatt hegamesandspeechesar eov er,
ev eryonecanof ficiall
yindul gei nt hedel ect abl
e
fourcour semeal .I '
m genui nel ydi sappoi ntedin
Siy af ornotpoppi ngt hequest ion, because
althoughourr elationshi pisahi ghspeed
rollercoast er,Istillcan'timagi neany oneI '
d
ratherbeont hiscr azyridewi thot hert hanhi m.
Ireal lyt houghthef eltthesame, andmay bemy
visionf orust y i
ngt heknotandspendi ngt he
restofourl i
vest oget heri spr emat ure,
consi der i
ngt heunder l
yingi ssuest hatwear e
stillcur rentlydeal ingwi th.Ashar dasi tist o
i
gnor e, I'
m goi ngt ochooset obur yt hisnon-
proposal fornow, Idon'twantt opushSi y a
awayanymor et hanIal r eadyhav eandsoI '
ll
pushmyf eeli
ngsasi def ornow.Ij ustf eel that
I'
veal lowedmy sel ftobepeopl e'sdoor matov er
they ear s,andwhenImetSi y a, Iresur rectedmy
conf i
denceandi nt urnIr ealizedt hatI '
dnev er
wi l
lingl yallowany onet omi st reatme, phy sicall
y
andemot ional l
y.Il ovet hewayi nwhi chSi ya
treat
smeandmakesmef eel
,sowhenIno
l
ongerf eelt
hatsenseofwar mthand
contentment ,
feeli
ngsf r
om mypastar e
tri
ggered.IstareatSiyaasheconv er
seswith
theguests,maki ngsurethey'
reokayandI
reali
zethatifoneofmydeepestdesi resist
obe
onewi thSiya,Iwill
havetolethiminonmy
i
nt er
naldemonst hatIbatt
lefr
om ti
met oti
me.

Iswor etomy selft

hatwhenImov edonf r
om
Thabi,itwouldbeforgoodandIwoul dnev er
payreferencetohim everagain,unf ortunately
that'
soneoft hoset hi
ngsthataremucheasi er
saidthandone.Wheny ou'r
einar elationship
withsomeonewhobecomesav ir
uswi thi
ny our
soul,slowl
yeat i
ngawayati teverychancet hey
get,t
hathasl onglasti
ngeffectsev enont he
purestofsoulsI'm sur
e.Wheny ourf l
awsar e
magni fi
edandy ou'
reconstantl
yr emi ndedof
beingunwor t
hy ,
Youbegi ntobelievet hatthe
l
ifeyou'vegrownaccust omedt oist heonl yl i
fe
t
haty
ou'
redest
inedf
or.
Wheny ou'vebeenl ivi
ngunderadar kcloudf or
event heshor testti
me, i
t'sdiff
iculttobelieve
thatther ainbowt hatappear safterwardsi sreal
.
I'
m slowl ybeginningtor eal
izethatmyi rr
ational
behav i
orr egardingSiyaandourmi shapsi sdue
tofear.I'mf earf
ul t
hatonedayI 'l
lwakeup, and
he'l
lnol ongerwantmeorhi ski ds,orhe'l
l
disappoi ntmeandr evealhimsel fasanabusi v
e
womani zerorwor se.

Ismi l
eatSiy aasIcomet ot heconcl usi
ont hat
I'
m gladhedi dn'
tproposet oday.Ineedt obea
betterver
sionofmyhal fbeforeweconj oi
nt o
becomeone.Ashesai d,ourrelati
onshipwas
neveraconv ent
ional
one.Mysmi legrowswi der
whenSi yafinall
ynoti
cesmest aringandhe
blowsaki ssi nmydirecti
on.Hegl i
destowar ds
meandni bblesonmyear ,
whi chhest opsdoi ng
whenwehearmom cl earhert hroatlouderthan
necessar
y.
Mom-"Ihopeyoutwodon'tmind,
butI'
ve
i
nvi
tedsomeoneover,
it'
l
lonlybeaft
erthe
f
est
ivi
ti
esthough.
"
Si
yasmi
l
eswidel
yandexcuseshi
msel
fwhi
l
eI
gi
vemom ani
nqui
sit
ivel
ook.
Mom-" That
'sal
lI'
m wil
l
ingtosayaboutt
hat,
nowleavemealone."Shesaysassheswift
ly
wal
ksaway .

Ther estofthedayisf
il
ledwit
haf uny
etcalm
ambi enceanditseemsthatever
y onei
s
enjoyingthemsel
vesevenmoret hanmy sel
f.I
stealSiyaawayfrom t
hesehornywomenand
pullhimtot hesi
de.
Me-"
Siy
abonga,
sonotev
enonegi
ft
?"
Hechuckl
essof
tl
yandpul
l
supmychi
n.
Hi
m-"Ourmunchkinsar
en'
tanyoneel
se'
s
r
esponsi
bil
i
tybesi
desourown.Besi
des,
I'
ve
seeny ouandyourv oodoohol i
sti
clif
estyle,
I
don'twantthenurserysmel l
i
ngl i
keaj ungle
becausewhatify ourfri
endsandf amilyshare
thesamesent i
ment s?Not hanky ou!I
'llt
ake
careofeveryt
hing.Isthereany thi
ngel se?"He
saysasher ai
sesaney ebrow.
Me-"Imissyou."IsayasItugont
ohisshir
tand
reachuptoplantasoftki
ssonhisli
ps.He
grabsmyhandsandgent l
ypushesthem away.
Hi
m-"
We'
l
ltal
kaboutt
hisl
ater
."
Hesay
sashet
urnsandwal
ksaway
.
Ibrisklywal ktothet r
eattableandgr abasmal l
milkshakeandmakemywayt ot heguests.The
partyi sinfullswing,andt headultbeverages
aret akingitstoll
ont heguest s.Siyaseemst o
behav ingabl ast
,afterdowningaf ewdoubles
ofwhi skeyandIseehi m baskinginthe
attent i
onhe'sget ti
ngfrom thel adi
es.Iseehim
wal kt ooneoft heguestbat hrooms, buthe's
tr
ippi ngov erhisownf eet.Onhi sheels,Isee
oneofmyhi ghschool "f
ri
ends"briskl
yfoll
ow
him whil
epushi ngupherbr eastsandf i
xi
ngher
dress.Mycheeksheatupwi t
hangerandmy
feetcan'
tcar r
ymet ot
hebat hroom fastenough.
Iswi ngt
hedooropenj ustasshe'saboutt o
plantherpl
umpl ipsonmySi ya,whoseemst o
beoutofi t
,sitti
ngonthebat htub.Ipusht he
girlawayuntilherbackisagainstthewall.
Me-"
Nott
odaysweet
ie!Leav
emyhousenow!
"
Ishouti
nherfaceandIseehershakeinfear
.
Shejogsherpeti
tebodyoutoft
hebathroom
andItendtoSiy
a,whosespeechissl
urredand
barel
yaudi
ble.
Me-" Baby,standupandl et'
sgotot hebedroom
okay? "Henodswi t
hhisheadbowedandt r
ies
tostandbutl evelshimsel
fonme.Imaket he
agonizingjourneytoaguestbedr oom andpush
him ontothebed.Hebegi nstoperspir
eand
shakepr of
usel y
,whilehi
sey esareclosedshut
.
Iopenhi seyewi thmyt r
embl i
ngfinger
sand
seehispupil
sdi
late.Iscr
eam outf
ormymom
andZiyandaandtheycomer unni
ngwit
hin
seconds.
Me-"
Yanda,cal
lthedoctor
.Thenumberi
son
myphone.Mom, hel
p!"
Ziyandal eavestheroom franti
cal
lywhilemom
runstot hebat hr
oom andr eemer geswitha
coldwett owelwhichshepl acesonSiya's
forehead.Iholdont oSiy
a'shandandt ryt of
an
him withmyv acantone.Mom shov esof fSi
ya'
s
shoesandr ipsofhisshir
t.

Af ewminut
eslaterSt
evenbargesint
othe
room wi
thhisbagandZiyandafol
lowingbehi
nd
him.Hestopsinhistr
acksashestaresatmom.
Me-"
Stev
en,real
l
y?Checki
ngoutmymom ata
t
imeli
kethi
s?"Zi
yandasof
tl
ychuckl
es.
Hi
m-"
Yourmom?Zama,
what
'
sgoi
ngon?
"
Zi
yanda-"
Wai
t,howdoy
ouknowourmom?
"
Mom-"No!HowdoyoutwoknowSteven?
"
Mom shout
sasshet
hrowsherhandsint
heai
r.
Me-"
Guy
s,Si
ya?Hel
l
o?"Ishoutf
rant
ical
l
y.
Steven-"
Zamawe'
ll
talkaboutt
hisl
ater
!"He
saysasherunst
owardsthebedtotendtoSi
ya.
Me-"
Mom,
don'
ttel
lme.
."
Mom-"
You'
rer
ight
,Iwon'
ttel
lyouany
thi
ng.
"
Shesay
sasshemar chesoutoft
her
oom and
bangst
hedoorcl
osedbehindher
.
[
04/
18,
16:
50]Wdz:
[78]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Theliv
ingroom isfil
ledwithsil
enceasSt even
tendstoSiyaandt hestaf
fclearthemessf rom
theparty
.Theguest shavef i
nal
lydepartedandI
wishthatthestaffwouldleaveaswell,butt he
messi sunbearableandwi t
hmyswol lenf eet,
I
'm notupf orst
andingorwal ki
ngaround.We' re
alleyeingeachother,
andthetensioninthe
room couldbecutwi thaknif
e.Icandisti
nguish
from thecouchthatI'
m si
tti
ngon, t
hatZiyanda
i
shol dinginalaugh,mom ont heotherhandis
visi
blyuncomf or
tabl
easherey eswander
acrosst heroom andherf
ingersfi
ddlewith
eachot her.

Zi
yanda-"I
sanyonegoingtoaddr
essthepink
el
ephantintheroom?
"Mom shootshereyesat
Zi
yanda,butZiy
andadoesn'
tseem f
azed.
Me-"
May beweshoul
dwaitunt
ilweknow
what
'sgoingonwi
thSi
ya.
"
IsayasIst
areatZi
yanda.
Zi
yanda-"Fi
ne,
butassoonasweknowhe's
fi
ne,
we'rehavi
ngthi
sconver
sat
ion.Nor
unni
ng
awayma!"
Mom r
oll
sherey
esandheadsfortheki
tchen
whi
l
eIwaiti
mpatient
lyi
nthel
oungeand
Zi
yandashakesherheadi
ndef
eat
.

Af ewmi nuteslat
erStev
enemer gesi
ntheli
vi
ng
room, andIcan'tdeci
pherany
thingfr
om hi
s
facialexpressi
onsoIjumpoffthecouchand
char getowardshim.
Steven-"
He'
sfi
ne,i
tseemsasifhewas
druggedwit
hatypi
caldat
erapedrug.Hejust
needstoremai
nhydrat
ed,andhe'
l
l begoodas
new."
Me-"Ar
eyousur
eSt
even?Hel
ookedpr
ett
y
bad.
"
Stev
en-"
Trustme,youknowIknowmystuf
f,
andIhav
en'tdi
sappoi
ntedyoubef
ore.
"
Ir
oll
myey
esathi
m.
Me-"
Areyousur
eyouwantt
oopenthatcanof
wor
ms?"IaskasIcr
ossmyarmsonmychest.
Hesoft
lychuckl
est
hengi
vesmear
eassur
ing
l
ook.
Him-"
He'l
lbefine.Iprobablyshoul
dn'
taskyou
whathappened,becausethere'
salwaysdr
ama
wit
hthetwoofy ou,butI'
vegivenhim
somethi
ngtoflushthetoxinsout."
Me-"It
hinkIknowwhodi
dthi
s,andshe'
sas
goodasdeadt ome.
"
Hi
m-"
Good.Wher
e'sZama?
"
Ziy
anda-"Reall
y?Stev en,IfeelyouoweZi nhl
e
andIsomesor tofexpl anation.Aft
eral
lthis
ti
mewe' v
espentt oget herunderthisr
oof,and
you'v
eneverletitsl
ipt hatyou'reourmother'
s
my st
erymother?"Ziyandacl apsonce.
St
even-"Well
,IhadnocluethatZamaisyour
mother
.I'
m waitingf
oranexplanat
ionf
rom her
aswell
,sojoi
nt hecl
ub.
"
Mom wal
ksi
ntothel
i
vingr
oom wi
thabor
ed
l
ookonherf
ace.
Mom-"Steven,canIhaveamomental
onewi
th
mydaughtersplease?
"
St
even-"It
hinky
ouandIshoul
dpr
obabl
ytal
k
aswell
,don'
tyouthi
nk?
"
Zi
yanda-"
Isthi
sourfi
rstf
ightasaf
amily?
"
Zi
yandasayswithawidegri
nonherface.
Me-"Stevenandyourl
i
es!Mymom invit
edy ou
overtodaysoyoumusthaveknownthatI'
m her
daughter.
"
Mom-"That
'senough!
"Ther
oom f
all
sint
oa
deaf
eni
ngsil
ence.
Mom-"St
evenisn'tt
hemanIaskedt
ocome
ov
ert
oday.Steven,pl
easel
eav
e."
Shenar rowsherey esathi m andgestureshi
m
tothedoor .Ziy
andaandIar eshell
shocked,
Yanda'sf aci
alexpressionmakesmel augh
softly
,butIstopwhenmom gi vesmeadeat h
stare.Thedoorf i
nallyslamsshutandmom
turnsherat t
enti
ont othebothofus.
Mom-"Zinhl
e,got
akecar
eofy
ourman!And
you,
Ziy
andagopackorsomet
hing!
"Shesay
s
asshet urnsonherheel sandmar chestothe
fr
ontdoor .Zi
yandaandIl ookateachot herwit
h
confusionwrit
tenall
ov erourfaces.Ishrugmy
shouldersandwalktowar dstheroom thatSiy
a
i
sin.Ibi dhergoodni
ghtandgearZi yandasigh
heavil
yandwal ktowardst hebar.

Icuddleupnextt
oSiyaonceI'
vest
ri
ppedoff
mydr essandam l
efti
nmyunderwear.He'
s
soundasleepasIst
areathi
sfaceandwrapmy
l
egar oundhi
s.
Me-"
Ilov
eyou.
"
Iwhi
spert
ohi
m andhi
slusciousl
i
pscur
vei
nto
asmil
eandhepul
lsmecloser.
Him-"Mar
ryme."Hesay
sandi
tbar
elycomes
outasawhisper
.
Me-"What?"Si
l
encefil
l
stheroom, andt hat
's
shor
tl
yf ol
l
owedbySiya'
ssoftsnoring.Ihuff
andshrugmyshoulder
sthenclosemyey es,
ant
ici
pat
ingf
orsl
eept
otakeov
er.

Thefoll
owingmor ning, I
'
m wokenupbysof t
cl
assicalmusicpl
ay inginthebackground.I
narr
owmyey esasIst retchmyev enlar
ger
bodyandIspotSiy alyingonhisbacknextt o
mewi thhiseyesclosedandheadandf inger
s
mov i
ngalongtothegent l
einst
rumentals.
Me-"
Siy
abonga"
Him-"Ssshhhthi
sissupposedtohelprel
axt he
munchkinsandhelpthem di
sti
nguishdi
fferent
sounds."Hesayswhil
ekeepinghiseyesclosed.
Me-"Okay
.Howar eyouf
eeli
ngnow?Doyou
needanyt
hing?Water
?Haveyoueat
en?
"
Si
ya-"
Whi
chquest
ionshoul
dIanswerf
ir
st?
"
Ipi
nchhi
sar
m andhesqui
rmsal
i
ttl
e.
Him-"Zi
nhle,Iwokeuphoursago.I
fIdi
dn'
t
knowbetter,
I'dt
hinkt
hatyouwerethepat
ient
here.
"
Me-"
I'
m sor
ry,IguessIwasjustdr
ainedf
rom
t
hepart
yyesterday.Iwasr
eall
yworri
edabout
yout
houghlove."
Iinchcl
osert
ohi
m andhet
urnst
ohi
ssi
det
o
faceme.
Him-"I
'mfi
ne,l
et'
snott
alkabouti
tokay ?I
t'
sa
hugeknocktomyegoknowingthatIletwoman
drugmeinmyownhouse.Sohowar eyouand
thebabi
esfeel
i
ng?"
Heasksashest
rokesmybel
l
y.
Me-"It
hinkI
'm scr
appi
ngt
hewholenat
ural
del
iv
erythi
ng.Assoonasi
t'
ssaf
e,Stev
encan
cutmeopen.I'
mt i
red!
"
Hechucklessoft
lyandpecksmynav
elwi
thhi
s
succul
entli
ps.
Him-"Youmademesweatnott oagreetothat
remember ?Youmademeswearont heBibl
e
thatnomat t
erhowuncomfor
tabl
eyouget,I'
d
ensurethatyoust
ucktot
heorigi
nal
planofa
nat
ural
bir
th.So,
you'
l
ljusthav
etosucki
tup
hey
."
Me-"Whataboutawat
erbi
rt
hher
eint
he
house?
"
Him-"
Thatdoesn'
tevensoundr
ight
."Hesay
s
ashescr
uncheshisnose.
Il
aughathi
sreact
ionandcl
i
mbont
opofhi
m.
Me-"Let
'satleastconsi
derit
.Wecouldhav ea
bunchofdif
fusersaroundtheroom,andit
wouldbeamor eint
imatewayofbri
ngingthe
munchki
nsint otheworl
d."
Him-"Ij
ustdon'
tthi
nkitwouldbet hesaf
est
opti
on,whati
fsomet hi
nggoeswr ong?Ij
ust
don'
twanttotakethatkindofr
isk.
"
Me-"Butt
her
e'snohar
minr
esear
chi
ngmor
e
abouti
tri
ght
?"
Him-"We'
ll
see."Igi
vehi
m alongsmoochand
stopwhenIfeelhi
smonstersl
owlygr
ow
beneat
hme.
Me-"Youknowt hatv
erysoont hi
speaceand
qui
etwil
lbeav erydi
stantdream?"Hehol
ds
ont
omywai standgazesi nt
omyey es.
Hi
m-"
Iwoul
dn'
twanti
tanyot
herway
."
Me-"Yes, butwi
thschooli
tcouldbealit
tl
e
di
ff
icult.SoIwaswonderingifwecouldgeta
par
ttimenannyf orthem?Idon'twantt
hem
bei
ngr aisedbyanyoneot
herthanus,butit
wouldhel p.
"
Him-"Iunderstandbabe.Iknowt hatevery
deci
sionyoumakewi llbethebestpossibl
e
onesforthemunchki ns."Ismil
eathim and
pl
antsoftkissesonhi sjawli
neandlickhis
earl
obe.
Me-"Thankyouforthebabyshowery est
erday
.
You'r
ethebestbabydaddyever.
"Igrazemy
teet
honhisearl
obeandhi sgr
iparoundmy
waistl
owersdowntomybut t.
Me-"Doyourememberwhaty
ousai
dlastni
ght
whenIgoti
ntobedwit
hyou?"
Hi
m-"
Iwantt
obei
nsi
dey
ou?
"
Me-"
No!Eeeuuw!
"
Him-"Wel lthat'
stheonlystatementthatreal
l
y
mat t
ersright?"Hesay st
hroughhissof tl
augh.
Heuncl aspsmybr aanditfall
sonthebed
besideus, r
ev eal
ingmytwowat er
melons.I
j
umpof fSiyawhenIhearal oudknockont he
doorandIhearZi yandacal
lingmynameont he
othersi
deoft hedoor.
Si
ya-"
Sav
edbyt
heknockhey
?"
Ir
oll
myeyesandheadt
othebat
hroom t
otake
aqui
ckshower
.

OnceI '
m donewi t
hmyshower ,Icovermysel
f
withaf l
uff
ygownandwal koutinsearchof
Ziyanda.I'
m star
tl
edwhenIspotmom and
Ziyandasippingonteaintheli
vi
ngr oom.It
ug
onmygownandt ight
enthebeltthenwalki
nto
theliv
ingroom togreett
hebothoft hem.
Ziyanda-"Tea?I
'
m alr
eadyhavi
ngsomei n
preparat
ionfort
herealt
eaI'
m abouttohear
."
Shesay swithamischi
evousl
ookplaster
edon
herfaceasIshakemyheadather .
Mom-" Ziy
andashutup!Zi nhle, Icameher e
todaybecauseIt houghti
twast imeIopenedup
tothebothofyou.You' r
enol ongerlitt
legirl
s,
Zinhl
eisshackingupandexpect ingkidswi t
ha
divor
céeandZi yandahaschosent ogoAWOL
from herl
ucrat
ivejobaboar d, soI'm surewhat
I
'm abouttotel
ly oushouldn'tsurpr i
sey outoo
much. "
IshiftonmyseatandZi yandaplacesher
teacupont hetabl
ebesideheraswebot h
narrowourey esinant
ici
pationf
orwhatwe'r
e
aboutt ohear
.
[
04/
18,
16:
50]Wdz:
[79]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Silencef i
ll
stheroom onceagain,thenoise
from out si
deisexaggerat
edbyt hetranquil
it
yin
thel i
vi
ngr oom.Istret
chmyl egsont hespace
besidemeont hecouchandshi ftmybodyt o
getcomf ort
able.Zi
yandaisr
elentl
essi nher
questt of i
ndoutwhatmom pl ansont ell
ingus,
asshet apsherlongnail
sont hetablenextto
her .
Mom si
ghsoutheavi
lyasshel
ooksattheboth
ofusasi
fshe'
sstil
lpi
eci
ngtoget
herwhatev
er
shepl
ansi
ntell
i
ngus.
Me-"Mom, Iguessy
oudon'thav
etotel
lus
todayifi
tmakesyousouncomfort
abl
e.We
can..
"
Ziyanda-"
No,I'
ml eav
ingtonight.Ther
e'sno
ti
mel iket
hepresent,I
'
m allearsMr sKhumalo.
"
Shesay sasshesitsbackonhercouchand
crossesherar
msonherchest .
Mom-"Whati
sthis?Goodcop,badcop?Can
t
hetwoofyoujustshutupandgiv
emel onger
t
hanasecondt
ospeak?
"
Ziy
andaandInar
rowourey
esatheri
n
confusi
on.
Mom-" So,asyoutwopr obabl
yknow,I'
m wel
l
acquai
ntedwi t
hSteven,whom youknowpret
ty
well
.IguessIshouldgiveyoubothsome
backgr
oundi nf
ormationregar
dingSt
eveandI?"
Inodwhi
l
eZi
yandar
oll
sherey
es.
Zi
yanda-"
Obv
iousl
y.
"
Ithr
owacushi onatherandsheswer v
esit
awaywithherhandwhilelaughi
ngl oudly
,much
totheannoyanceofmom, whost andsupand
walksaway.
Zi
yanda-"
Okay,okay.We'r
esorry.Fr
om nowon,
we'
lll
i
stenwit
houtinter
rupt
ing.
"
Shepl
eadswithmom onceshe'
sonherf
eet
andhol
dingontomom'shand.
Aft
erwhatfeel
sli
kefor
ever
,we'refi
nal
l
yall
sett
ledi
ntheli
vi
ngroom,wait
ingformom t
o
conti
nue,
Mom-" Okay ,
wel l aftery ourf atherandIspl i
t,i
t
wasanext remel yemot ional ti
mef orme, asy ou
mayr emember .I twasn' tjustmyemot i
onal
statethatwascausef orconcer n, butmy
physicalst atest ar t
edt odet eri
or ate.Iwas
l
osingwei ght ,myhai r,Ihadmi grainesand
that'
sjustaf ewoft het hingsIwas
experiencing.Thenextnat ural thingwast osee
adoct or,andasl uckwoul dhav eit,Iwentt o
seeSt even.Idi dn' twantt ogot oourf ami lyGP
becauseIwant edaf reshper spect ivewithout
j
udgement .AssoonasIt ookof fmycl othes
andheexami nedme, Iwai l
edi ntohi sarms.I
couldn'thel pit,Ijustl etgoofal lmyhur tinthat
consultati
onr oom, andhepul l
edmei ntohi s
warm ar msandcomf ortedme.Hesetmef ree
thatday .
"
Shesay
swi
thanost
algi
clookwr
it
tenonher
f
aceasshest
aresatt
hecei
l
ing.
Mom-" Wecoul dn'tcont i
nuewi tht he
consul tation, Iwast oohy steri
cal ,i
nst eadhe
prescr ibedsomemedst ohel pmesl eepand
thatwast hat.Unt i
l onedayIbumpedi ntohim
atagr ocer yst ore, hehel pedmewi thmypl asti
c
bagsandbeggedt ot akemet ol unch
afterwar dsandIobl iged.Thosef ewhour swith
him wer eliber ating, wet alkedaboutt hemost
tri
vialoft hings, butIt horoughlyenj oy edmy sel
f.
Hewant edt oshowmeapl acet hathehad
recent lypur chased, andmyheadwasi nt he
cloudssoIt aggedal ong.Needl esst osay ,one
thingl edt oanot herandI '
m sureIdon' tneedt o
goi ntodet ailaboutwhathappenedt her estof
theev eni ng.Il eftassoonasIcamet omy
senses, consumedbygui lt
.Thet hingi s,my
divorcewi thy ourf at herwasn' texact l
yf inal
ized
att hatpoi nt,andal thoughwewer eal ready
l
egal lysepar ated, I'
dnev eractedi nsuch
debaucher y.Ichangeddoct orsaf tert hat,and
i
gnor edt
hemanyat t
empt st hatSt
evemadet o
getholdofmeev ent houghIhadn'tgivenhim
mynumber .I
twasn'tuntilafewmont hsago
thatIbumpedi nt
ohimy etagain.I
roni
call
y
enough,itwasatagr oceryst or
eyetagain,I
couldn'
treachforsomet hing,andther
ehe
was.."
Shesay
swithasmil
eonherf
aceandasshe
l
ooksawayshyl
y.
Mom-" Whenhi shandst rokedmi ne,Ifel
tan
el
ect riccurrentpulsat
et hroughmyent ir
ebody
andIknewi twashi m.Ther ehewas, looking
bettert hanev erandsurpr i
sedtoseeme.That
day, hef or
cedmet ogivehi m mynumber ,and
fr
om t hatdayonwast hebegi nni
ngofour
chi
ldi shaffair
, butt
herewasapr oblem.Att hat
point, Iwasn'tnecessari
lysingle?Therehad
beensomeonei nmylifeformont hs,so
basical l
yItwo- ti
medhim. "
Me-"
Mom,
nooneusest
hatphr
aseany
mor
e."I
sayt
hroughmyl
aught
er.
Zi
yanda-"Aahshame,barewit
hher
,she'
sbeen
outofthegamefortoolong.
"Shej
oinsi
nmy
l
aughingfest
.
Mom-" Okay ,
well what ev
ery oucalli
t;bottom
l
ineisthatIcheat edont hatpoorman.Iwas
guil
twrenchedev eryti
meI '
dl eaveSteven's
houseinthemor ning,orwalkoutofahot el
room,it
'sjustalway sbeendi ffi
cul
tformet o
resi
sthischar ms.Wi thSteveni nmylife,my
rel
ati
onshipseemedsodul landl i
fel
ess, I
becameal ovesi
ckt eenagerandIwasn' tproud
ofit
."
Me-"Haveyoubr
okent
hingsof
fwi
tht
he
boy
fri
end?"
Mom shakesherheadwi
thi
tbowedi
n
embarr
assment.
Mom-"It
'
shardtojustl
eavethatr
elat
ionshi
p,
he'
samanf r
om churchwhotoldthepastorof
hi
sint
enti
onstomarryme.I'
m alr
eadya
divorcedwoman, t
hatalr
eadybringsmeshame.
IfIjustupandleavethi
sman, cany oui
magine
thest ar
esandwhispers?I'
l
lbeshunnedy et
again."Shesayswithconcernwrit
tenonher
faceasshesi ghsoutheavil
y.
Zi
yanda-"
Mom, i
magi
nehowmuchworsei
twi
ll
beift
hechur
chpeopl
eseeyouatar
est
aur
ant
oratahot
elwit
hStev
en?
"
Mom-" Iknow,I'
l
lbethediv
orcedwhorewho
can'tbetr
ustedaroundmen.That
'swhyI'
ve
takenabreakfrom Stev
en.
"
Me-"
Howdoeshef
eel
aboutt
hat
?"
Mom-" Idon'
tthinkhef ul
lycompr ehendst he
conceptofone, becausehecal lsev enmor e
andbr i
ngsmel unchatwor k,ifheknewwher eI
l
ived,he'
dprobabl ycampout sideev erynight.
Howev er,
Ican'
tr uinthever
ysamer eputation
thatI
'veworkedsohar datrebuilding.
"
Me-"Mom,It
hinkIspeakfort
hebothofus
whenIsaywe'
renotwill
i
ngtostandbyand
watchyousacri
ficey
ourhappi
nessfora
secondlonger
,yoodeser
vemore."
Ziy
anda-"Exact
ly,
changechur
chesifyouhav
e
to,butmay ouhavet
oputyoursel
ffi
rstf
or
once."
Me-"Ij
ustwantt
oknowwhoitwasaty
our
housetheni
ghtwecameby
."
Mom'
scheeksf
lushwi
thembar
rassment
.
Mom-"Themanf rom church.Wedon'
t
par
ti
ci
pateinpenetr
ation,
buthetakescar
eof
meinotherways.
"
Shesay
sasshecov
ersherf
acewi
thherhands.
Zi
yanda-"
Maaaa!
"
Mom-"
I'
m sor
ry!Thatj
ustspewedout
."
Me-"
Ma,ar
eyoui
nlov
ewi
thanyoft
hese
men?"
Mom-"Yes,
oneofthem.It
hinkIcanf
inal
ly
admi
ttomysel
fthatI
'minl
ovewithSt
even,but
I
'm scaredt opursuethatrelat
ionship,Ifeell
i
ke
disappointmentisrightaroundthecor ner
regardi
nghi m.I'
mj ustnotsureifther ewould
bet hestabil
it
ythatIcrave,inthatrelati
onshi
p.I
wantt ohav eali
fepar t
nerthatI'
llgrowev en
olderwith,tr
avelthewor l
d,andr evelinour
grandbabi es.
"
Ziy
anda-"Andyoudeser
vet
hatmommy."She
saysasshewalkstowar
dsmom andpl
onks
hersel
fnextt
oher.
Mom-" Ineedsomet imetof i
gur eafewt hi
ngs
out,MrNgcobof rom churchr eall
yhasn'tdone
any t
hingwr ong, Ijustthi
nkIpl ungedmy sel
f
i
nt oar el
at i
onshipwi thhim becauseIwas
l
onel y,andhewasr omant i
cinhi sapproach,I
alsoknewt hathecoul dbetrusted.Onpaper ,
hewasev eryt
hingIt houghtI'
vewant ed;he's
Godf earing,kindhear tedandt houghtf
ul,soI
reall
yhav et owei ghoutev eryt
hingbefore
maki ngthislifealteri
ngdecision."
Me-"So,ma.Theper
sonwewer
esupposedt
o
meetlastni
ght
?"
Shejumpsupof
fthecouchandgr
absher
phone.
Her-"Ialmostfor
got,
he'sher
eactual
ly.He'
sin
thecar,givemeasecond."Shecal
lsthe
my st
eryguyonherphoneandwal ksoutthe
door.ZiyandaandIstar
eateachotherin
confusion.
Ziy
anda-"Don'
ttel
lmeourmot
heri
sinvol
ved
wit
ht hr
eemen!Thiswomanhasamoreacti
ve
sociall
i
fethanmineandy
our
scombined!
"
Irol
lmyeyesandrecl
i
neont
hecouch,
try
ingt
o
getcomf
ortabl
e.
Ziy
anda-"
Ican'
tbet
rustedwi
thwhatI'
m goi
ng
tosaywhenImeett
hisman,Ithi
nkI
'm st
il
l
ti
psyfr
om l
astni
ght
."Shesay
si nar
aspyvoice.
Me-"
Yout
hink?
"
Ourconver
sati
onisinterruptedbymom
openi
ngthedoor.ZiyandaandIst andup
i
nstant
aneousl
yandwal kt owardsher,whil
ethe
myster
ymanl i
ngersbehi ndherwal ki
ngslowly.
Mom eventual
l
yshiftstot hesidereveali
nga
manwi t
hanov er
lyfamili
arf ace.
Zi
yanda-"
Bhekumuzi
."Shesay
sinwhatcomes
outasawhisperast
earsfr
eefal
ldownherf
ace.
Mom-" Iknow, i
sn'
titcrazy
?Iknowy ou'r
e
l
eav i
ngsoon,andsincey ouandhi m wer e
i
nseparablewheny ouwer eakid,well y
ouspent
mor eti
mewi thhimt hanyourownf ather,soI
thoughtI'
dgiveyouonel astsurpri
se."Shesay s
l
ookingoblivi
ouswitht hewidestsmilespr ead
acrossherface.
[
04/
18,
16:
50]Wdz:
[80]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
If
eel
li
keI
'
mint
het
wil
i
ghtzonewhenIassess
ther oom andev er yone'semot ions.Past edon
Ziyanda' sfacei st helookoff earand
astoni shment ,herf eetlookcement edont he
fl
oor ,asshemakesnoat t
emptofadv ancing
towar dsmom andherunwant edguest .Mom
ont heot herhandi sobli
v i
oust ot hedilemma
thatshe' ssubmer gedusal lint o.Ican'tev en
baret obr eathet hesameai rast hismonst er
i
nfrontofme, i
nt urnIcan' tbringmy sel
ft olook
athim, alt
houghIknowt hatIhav etodi f
fuse
thesi tuati
on, I
'
m hav ingadi fficulttimewi t
h
conv incingmy sel ftostaycal mi nthemi dstof
thi
sst ormt hat'
sbeensl owl ybr ewingf oryears.
Bhekumuzi -"Mygi r
ls,you'v
ebot hgrownupso
much!Zi yanda,y ou'vegrownt obeasr adiantas
yourmot herher e,andIseecongr atul
ationsare
i
nor derf ory ouZi nhle.
"Hesay swithasmi l
e
beami ngf rom eart oear .I'
m genuinel
y
concer nedf orthisman' sment al
stabi
lity,for
thi
nkingt hathecoul djustabr uptl
yeasei ntomy
house, beingt hedemont hatheis.Ziyanda
seemst ohav eplantedrootsint
othefloor,as
herfeetremai nbolt
edt othecerami
ct i
les.I
edgeclosert omom andhercompani onunt i
l
I'
m merelyinchesawayf r
om Bhekumuzi .Il
ook
upathishar shfeaturesandsniffal
onghi s
chest.
Me-"
Ismel
lshi
t.Pl
easel
eav
e."
Mom-"
Zinhl
eKhumal
o!"
BeforeIcanhel
pmyselfandlist
entomyv oi
ce
ofreason,myhandl
andshar dagai
nsthi
sleft
cheek,fol
l
owedbyanotherslapagai
n.Bef
ore
myt hi
rdmeeti
ngwit
hhi scheek,mom gr
abs
holdofmyarm andgentlypushesmetothe
si
de.
Mom-"Zi
nhle!Whatt
hehel
l
?Wenzani
?(What
ar
eyoudoing)"
Sheshout
sasshetendstoBhekumuzi
'
scheek,
whil
ehehasagri
nplast
eredonhisf
ace.
Bhekumuzi
-"I
t'
sokayZamo.
"Hesay
swhi
l
e
strokingmom' sshoulders;atthatpointintime,
mysoul leavesmybody .Igrabt helargeglass
vaseont hetablebesidemeandt akeaf ew
shortstepst owar dsBhekumuzi andst r
ikehis
headwi tht heheav yornament .Blooddripsf r
om
thetempl eofhi shead, t
raveli
ngSout h,swiftl
y
foll
owedbyhi sbodydescendi ngont het i
l
ed
fl
oor .Mom dr opst oherkneesasIt akeaf ew
stepsbacki nshock,myent i
rebodyt rembling.
I'
m st ar
tl
edt ohearZi yandastepcl oserto
Bhekumuzi '
slif
elessbodyspr awl edont hefloor
.
Ziy
anda-"
Ishedead?
"Sheaskswi
thahoar
se
voi
ce.
Mom scramblesforherphoneand
unexpect
edly,
Ziyandadri
ft
sint
oanother
persona,
kicki
ng,punchi
ngandscr
atching
Bhekumuzi wi
thallhermi
ght.
Zi
yanda-"Di
e!Die!Di
i
ii
eeee!
!"Shescreams
fr
ant
ical
lyunti
lshepant
s,outofbreath.Siya
emergesoutofnowhereandcarri
esZi yanda
awayandgentl
yplacesheront
hecouchasshe
cradl
esupnextt
ohimi nfet
usposi
ti
onwhi
le
gentl
ysobbi
ng.

Siyarunst owar dsmeasIsl i

deont ot hef l
oor,
becausemyl egscannol ongercar ryme.Isi t
ont hehar df l
oorwi thmyl egsstretchedout
i
nf r
ontofme, asIat temptt oregulat emy
breathing.Si y
akneel si nfrontofme, andIcan't
deciphert hewor dscomi ngoutofhi smout has
Istareatt hedi stanceahead.If eel Siy a'shand
l
eav emyar msashewal ksawayt owar dsmy
mom andBhekumuzi .Iblinkawayt het ears,
andhearSi yaont hephonewi thsomeone
maki ngar rangement s.Withinmi nutes, the
housei sf l
oodedwi thpeopl ecleani ngt heblood
from thef l
oorandt ranspor ti
ngthebodyout
throught hef rontdoor .Il
ookatt hest retcher
andt omysur pri
se,Bhekumuzi isn'tinabody
bag, i
nsteadhe' sconnect edt oamachi neand
hasanoxy genmaskcov er i
nghisf ace.
Ifi
nall
ymusterupthest
rengtht
ostandup,and
atthatmomentI'
m bombardedbymymom
wit
haf ur
iousexpr
essi
onsmearedonherface.
Mom-"Zinhl
e,whatthehelli
sgoingon?
Uyahl
anya?(Ar
eyoucr azy
?)Doy oureal
i
zet
hat
younear
lymurderedyouruncle?
"
Ihaveablanklookonmyf ace,
asIstar
eata
spacebehindher.Mom r
oughlypat
smy
shoul
derandclapsherhandsinmyface.
Mom-"Idon'
tev
enknowy
ouany
mor
e!Whoar
e
yout
wo?"
Sheshout
swhil
epoi
nti
ngatanemot
ionl
ess
Zi
yandaandI
.
Me-"Ma,I'
m goingtobed.Justknowt hatifI
weregiv
enanoppor tuni
ty,
I'
ddoi tagain,I
'dj
ust
chooseaheaviervase.
"Ipushpastherand
makemywayt omybedr oom ont hefi
rstfl
oor,
wit
hmom shout ingandscreamingbehi ndme
andhotonmyheel s.Icomet oahal tandcome
tothereal
izationthatthehousei snowempt y
andlooksasgoodasnew.Thegl assshar dson
thefl
oorhav ebeencl earedawayandt hebl ood
spurtshavev anished,Siy
ar unsdownt hestairs
i
napai rofdar kjeansandasweat erswi nging
hiskeysbetweenhi sfi
ngers.Inoticet hev eins
bulgi
ngfrom hi sforeheadandt hatsuggest s
thathe'
sfuriousandhasabi bleofquest ionshe
wantstoask.
Mom-"Zinhle,
youwi l
lnotwalkawayfrom me
whenIspeakt oyou.Youmaybet hewomanof
thi
shouse,butyouarestil
lmydaughter!
"She
shout
sasshespi nsmear oundtofaceher.
Me-"Ma, doy ounotseethatIdon'twanttotal
k
toyourightnow?Whycan' ty ouj
ustrespect
that
?Got oy ourhouse,we'
lltal
ktomorrow,and
nextti
me, canIhav eanameandsur nameof
whicheverevilguestsy
ouwi shtobri
ngt omy
house?"BeforeIknowi t
,mom' shandlands
hardagainstmycheek.
Siy
a-"Whoahwhoah!
"Hesay
sashest
ands
betweenus.
Him-"Zinhl
e,addressyourmotherwit
hrespect
wheny ou'r
einmypr esence.Ma,maybeyou
shoul
dgo, emotionsarehighri
ghtnow,Idoubt
we'dbeabl et
ocomet oanyresol
veri
ghtnow."
Ziyanda-"
No,l
et'
sdothi
snow."Shesaysasshe
sit
supont hecouchandst
aresatt
hefloor
.I
rushtohersi
deandholdherhandwhil
egentl
y
stroki
ngherback.
Me-"Zi
yanda,
wedon'
thav
etodot
hisnow.Go
r
est.
"
Her
-"No!
"Sheshout
sasshebr
eat
hsheav
il
y.
Mom andSi yasl
owlymakethei
rwayt owards
usandmom cr ossesherqui
ver
inghands
acrossherchest
,whil
eSiyal
ooksperplexed
standi
ngclosetoher.
Ziy
anda-"Ithi
nkyoutwoshouldsi
tdownfor
thi
s."Shesaysinahoar
sevoice.Mom si
tson
t
henear
estcouchwhi
l
eSi
yal
eansagai
nstt
he
wal
l
.
Ziy
anda-"Thisi
sthelastt
imeI
'
llber
epeat
ing
thi
s,sol
istencar
eful
l
y .
"
Shesay
sasshei
nhal
esadeepbr
eat
hofai
r.
Ziyanda-" Thatmanr ui
nedmychi ldhoodand
tookapi eceofmet hatI '
llnev erbeabl et o
replacenorr epair.Att het enderageoff ourteen,
Ilostmypur i
tytoBhekumuzi inZi nhle'
s
bedr oom whi l
eyourhusbandl ayunconsci ous
duet osev ereintoxication.Iwasmer el
yf our
feetawayf r
om Zi nhle,andshesl eptpeacef ully
oblivioust oreali
ty .Bhekumuzi '
spl anwast o
vict
imi zeZi nhlewhi leshesl ept,butIcoul dn'tlet
mybabysi sterexper i
encebei ngmol estedat
suchay oungagesoIof feredmy selfinstead.
Hemol estedmeev erytimehecameov ert othe
houseaf terthatinci dent.Whenev erI'
dcome
homewi thbr ui
sesonmyl egsI '
dl ieabout
fall
ingatnet ball
pr act i
ce,butt hatwasf rom hi s
j
eal ousr antsbecauseofsomey oungboy
hav i
ngacr ushonme.Wheny ou'dsendhi mt o
fetchmef rom school , he'dpar ki nanal l
eyora
bushsomewher et henhe' dt eachmehowt o
pleasurehi m wi thmymout h.Al l
oft hose
braai'sthatwehadatt hehouseandhewas
there,he'df oll
owmei ntot hebat hr oom and
bendmeov erthebat htub.He' dbel i
v i
d
whenev erIwasonmyper i
od, buti tgott oa
pointwher ethatnol ongerwasaf act or
, he'
d
forcehimsel finsidemewi tht r
icklesofbl ood
onhi m.It oldZi nhleaboutoneabor ti
on, butin
actualit
y, t
her ewer et wo.Ir ememberonce, he
fuckedmeunt i
lIliteral lycoul dn'twal kj
usta
fewmet ersf rom y ourr oom mom.Youand
uKhumal ohadanhourl ongscr eami ngmat ch,
Zinhlewasout sider unni ngar ound, andIwasi n
myr oom wi thhim.Icr awl edt omom' sroom
andsatout sidet ryingt of indt hest rengtht o
knockandopent hedoor ,butt herehewaswi t
h
hisguni nhi shand, poi ntingi tatthedoort hen
atme.Hecar r
iedmeandt hrewmeonmybed
thenabrupt
lyl
eft.
"Shesni
ffsawayher
streami
ngtearsandsqueezesmyhand.
Ziyanda-" Ir
ememberbei ngt went yoneweeks
pregnant ,andbei ngindeni al ofcar ryi
ngmy
cousi n/ daughterinmybel ly.Byt het imeIhad
must eredupt hecour agetogot oanabor ti
on
cli
nic, Iwasaweekov erduet helegal duration.I
missedadayofschool t
omeetwi thabl ack
mar ketabor ti
ondr ugdeal er.Igothome,
i
ngest edt hepill
s, shovedt her estupmynuna
andaf ewhour slat erinthebat hroom Iwas
crouchedont hef loorpushi ngoutadeadbaby .
Thati magest il
lhaunt smet ot hisday .Ithrew
heri ntoashoeboxandbl ackpl asticbagand
wat chedt hegarbageser vi
cet hrowheri nthe
gri
ndert hefol
lowi ngdayi nt het ruck.That's
whyt hatmandoesn' tdeser vet obr eathetheai r
thatwedo.He' st hewor stki ndofev i
l,thedev i
l
i
ncar nate.Het urnedmei ntoamonst eranda
mur der erandnomat t
erhowhar dIt rytorun
away ,t
hat'
swhatIwi l
lal
waysbeandwhoIam.
Iresentedal
l ofyouformymi sfort
une,
especiall
ysi
ncet hemajori
tyofmyabusewas
ri
ghtundery ournoses.Iwassobr ainwashed
thattel
li
ngany onewasn'tanoption.Hemol ded
mei ntohispuppetandpulledthestringsashe
wished."Sher ai
sesherheadandl ooksatallof
us.
Her-"I
'
m sorry,
Ican'tdothis.I
'mleavi
ngnow."
Shesay sasshejogsoutt heroom andbangs
herbedroom doorclosedbehindher.Siy
arubs
hi
sheadhar shl
ywithhi shandsandmom hol ds
ontoherchestastearsstream downherface,
sheletsoutaloudwai lasshesli
desontothe
fl
oorandsobshy steri
call
y.
[
04/
19,
05:
59]Wdz:
[81]

*
*ZAMOKUHLE*
*
Ifl
utt
ermyheavyey
eli
dsopenslowlyand
analy
zemyforei
gnsur
roundi
ngs.Icat
chsight
ofacr y
ingZinhl
e,hercheeksareflushedand
herloudhiccupsstar
tl
emesomuchsot hatI
shi
ftont hebed.Ihearfoot
stepsrushtowards
me,andIf i
ndaconcer nedSiyabongatowering
overme.
Me-"
Ziy
anda?
"Imanagetoask.Si
yabonga
f
rownsatmeandsi
ghsheavi
ly.
Hi
m-"
Ma,
arey
ouokay
?"
Zinhler
oll
soveronthebedt oi
nchtowardsme
andIseeherstruggl
e,butIdon'
thavet
he
strengt
htohel
pher .
Me-"Wher e'
sZi
yanda?"IaskasIat
tempttosi
t
up,butmybodyf ai
lsmeandt her
oom spi
nsas
Iexperi
enceadizzyspel
l.
Siy
a-"She'sf
ine,
she'saskedf orsomet i
met o
hersel
f.Shewouldn'
tletusin,butStevendid
managet oconvi
ncehert olethimin.He's
sedatedherandalsojustinj
ectedyouwi t
h
somet hi
ngaswell.
"
Ifeel
myv isi
onbl
urandmysur
roundi
ngs
appearhazyasIr
estmyheadagai
nstthe
cushi
onedheadboar
d.
Me-" Need.To.Tal
k.To.My.Daughter.
"Ipant
outloudast earsf
lowdownmyf ace.Zinhl
e
crawlsclosertomeandwipesmyt earswith
herwar m hand.
Her
-"Ssshh,
we'
l
ltal
klat
er.
"
Me-"No!Needt
oseeher,pl
ease.
"Zi
nhl
eroll
s
cl
osertotomeandgent
lystr
okesmyleg.
Her-"
Ma,pl
easer
est
.Emot
ionsar
etoohi
gh
r
ightnow.
"
Me-"Youknew?Thi
swholetime?"Sheturnsher
headawayandIseehercheeksgetsoaked
fr
om hert
earsasshesl
ight
lynods.
Me-
"Why
?"Ipant
.
Her
-"Mom,
Ican'
tri
ghtnow.Pl
ease.
"
Shesaysasshebl
owsmeakissandshi
ftsof
f
thebed,
waddli
ngt
othedoor
,swi
ft
lyf
oll
owed
bySiyabonga,whot
urnswhenhereachest
he
doorandwal kst
omybedagain.
Him-"Ma, don'
tworry.I
'
llhavethi
shandled,r
est
fornow."Hesay sashewi nksatmeandr ushes
out.Iat
tempttoshiftmybodyof fthebed,butI
canbarelyfeelmyli
mbs, Ilandonthefl
oorand
crawltothedoor.
Me-" Zi
yanda!"Whichcomesoutasawhi sper
.I
si
tont hefloor,
hopelessandlostunt
ilI
eventual
lycrawlbackintobedandstareatthe
ceil
ingastearstrai
ldownmyf aceandsoakt he
pil
low.

Stevenmusthav egivenmesomet hi
ngst rong,
becauseIwakeupt oadar kroom,andmy
eyeli
dsar esti
ll
heav y,almostasheav yasmy
achingheart.Il
etoutal oudsighasIat t
emptto
mov emybody ,butfaildismall
ywhenIcan
barelyfeeli
t.If
eel sohel pl
ess,t
hatallImanage
todoi sall
owmyt earst orundownt hesidesof
myf aceandf l
oodmyear s.Iwanttomust erup
thest rengtht ostandupandwal koutoft his
room, becausemyul ti
mat econcernisZi yanda,
butI 'm alsof earfulofseeingher.Iknowt hat
ther e'snot hingIcouldev erdoorsayt or ev er
se
they earsofabusemybabyendur edrightunder
mynose.If eelasiftherughasbeensnat ched
from r i
ghtbeneat hme, Ihadnotev ent he
slight estideat hatanyoft hiscoul
dhav ebeen
happeni ng.Ihav ealway sthoughtofmy selfas
theonet hatsacr i
fi
cedy earsofmyl i
fet o
wi tnessmyf amilytogether,mykidsgrowi ngup
i
nasomewhatst ableenvironment,l
it
tl
edi dI
knowt hatmysacr i
ficewasmer el
yadr opi nthe
ocean.

Thisl
eav esmewi ththewor stpossi
ble
questi
onst hatIhavetoaskmy sel
fasamother.
Howcoul dIbesoobl i
vious?Howcoul dInot
knowf orsomanyy ears?Ithoughtthatmyonly
fai
lur
eper t
ainingtomychi ldrenwasbeing
unablet opr ovidet hem withacal m andl oving
home, that '
swhyassoonasIl ef t
,Iensured
thatIcar edf orthem andcl osedt hegapt hey
mayf eel regardingaf at
herf i
gure.Allofthose
yearsthatIr el
entlesslyprayed, f
astedf ormy
chil
dren'swel l
being, wasitallfornothing?Was
Godj ustl ookingdownandl aughingatme,
becausemydaught er'
schil
dhoodhadal r
eady
beent arnishedi nt hemostdespi cabl
eway
possible.If ail
ed.
Inmyf eel
ingsohur t,Ialsohav ethought st
hat
l
ingeratt hebackofmyhead; IguessIf eelt
hat
myhur tandpai nisn'twar ranted, howIf eel
shouldn'tmat ter.Ican'tbegi nt ofathom or
dissectthef eeli
ngs, thought sandemot ions
thatmybabyexper ienced.Iwantt ohate
Bhekumuzi ,
butIhat emy selfmor e.Allofthose
i
nst anceswher eIinvitedt hatanimal overfor
l
unch, dinner,braai'
s, swimmi nggal a'
s,athl
eti
cs
tryouts,netballpractices, bakesal es;Iwas
givi
ngt heper petratorfreer eignov ermy
daughter.Hewasal way ssuchanexempl ary
fatherf
igure,andthegirl
sl ovedhi m.Myex
husbandwasn' tpresent,yetBhekumuzi was.
Heassistedwi thhomewor k,taughtthegirl
sto
ri
deabi cycle,t
aughtthem howt of i
sh,he
showeredt hem withgif
tssomucht hatIhadt o
repri
mandhi mforspoil
ingt hem toomuch.
Zinhlewouldalway saskmewhyIdi dn'
tmar r
y
Bhekumuzi insteadoftheirdad, andIadmi t,
thatquesti
onwoul dspr i
ngupi nmymi ndfrom
ti
met otime; hewasal mostper f
ect.

OhGod, howcoul dIhav ebeensonai ve?WasI

socl oudedintheabuset hatIendur edf r
om t he
handsofKhumal o, t
hatInegl ectedmychi l
dren?
Ireadt hem bedti
mest ories, I'
daskt hem about
theirdayeveryev eni
ng,Inev erleftthem alone
withoutsuper vi
sion,ev
enwi thBhekumuzi
around.Yes, he'
df et
chthem f rom school from
ti
met otime,buthowdoy ouant i
cipatethat
yourdaught erisbeingmol esteddur ingaf i
fteen
mi nutedr i
v ebackhome?Idi dev eryt
hinginmy
powert opr ov ideacomf or t
ableandst able
homef ort hem.Ipl annedEast eregghunt sfor
them i nt hegar den, Igav et hem eachqual ity
oneont imewi thme, I'dt ryopenupt ot hem so
they '
dbecomf or t
abl eenought oopenupt ome.
Iensur edt hatIi nstil
ledi nt hem knowl edgeof
theirwor th,buti nhi ndsi ght,thiswasal l
hy pocr i
tical ofme.Howcoul dIt ellmychi ldren
thatt heydeser vetobet reatedl i
kequeens,
whenundert hesamer oofIwassomeone' s
punchi ngbag.I '
mt obl amei nal lofthis.I
startedacy cl eofabuse, that'
sbeenassumed
bymymostpr eciousgi fts;mydaught ers.Zinhle
wasi nanabusi ver elationshi p,andshel i
ved
undermyr oofaswel l.Iencour agedher
relati
onshi p, becauseatf acev alueThabi was
per f
ect ,int urnmydaught erendur edabuse
from t hesamemant hatIappr ov edofand
nudgedhert owar ds.Mybabi eswi tnessedme
suf f
er ,sot heyassumedt hatt heirpainand
suf
feri
ngwasnormal.Mydaughter
shave
al
waysbeenmylif
e,andbyhurti
ngthem Idon'
t
haveone;
Bhekumuzistol
emylif
eawayf rom
me.

Ifeelmyhear tpalpit
atef rom t heemot ionst hat
fl
oodmysoul .AfterKhumal o'sdeat h,
Bhekumuzi i
st heonl yfami lymembert hat
ensur edthatwewer eokay .Hesentmeasum
ofmoneyt oopenat rustf undf ort hegirl
s,and
heev enmadeamov eonme.Ial way sknew
thatwehadunder ly
ingf eelingsf oreachot her,
sowhenheki ssedmeoneev eningatmyhouse,
Iwasal mostexpect i
ngi t.Iwast ooguiltri
dden
toadv anceont hekissthoughsoIaskedhi mt o
l
eav et hatev eningandIcutof fcommuni cation
withhi m,unt ilr
ecent l
y.Hebeggedt oseet he
girl
s,Iwasr eluctantatf i
rstbecauseInol onger
want edany thingt otiemet oKhumal o,butthen
Iremember edt hephenomenal relati
onshiphe
hadwi ththegi rl
s,somyr el
uct ancet ur
nedi nto
excitement.Thi
siswhathasledmet othe
wor stpossi
bleacti
nmyentireli
fe.Yetagai
n,
I'
mr esponsibl
eforl
uri
nginthatanimalnearmy
Ziyanda.

Ican'tbeli
ev ethatIwasr antingaboutast upid
l
ov etri
angle, whenmybabywashar bor i
ngsuch
emot i
onst owar dsherli
fe.IfIcoul d,I
'dtaket he
burdenf r
om herandbet heonet oexperience
all
ther apeandabuse.I 'dt akeitallinlesst han
ahear t
beat ,butIcan'
t.I
'm anaccompl i
ce, I
all
owedal l
oft hi
stohappen.Icl earmyt hroat ,
becauseal thoughIhav ev eryli
ttl
et onof ai
thi n
anyinchofmybody ,butIhav etospeakt ot he
manupst air
sf oranyhopeofgai ningclar it
y.

Me-"
God,
I.
."
Mywor dsf al
lshortasIgaspforairwhil
eIsob
si
lent
ly.Ibreakint
oacol dsweat,whil
eIshiv
er
uncont
r ol
labl
y.Mymout hturnsdryandmy
hear
tthudst
hroughmychestataf
astpaceand
myvisi
ongetsblur
red.
Me-"Yanda,
I.
.I.
.I'
m soorr
ryy.
"Isayi
nawhi sper
bef
oremyv i
sionisover
comebydar knessandI
hol
dontomyachi ngchest.
[
04/
19,
06:
02]Wdz:
[82]

*
*ZI
YANDA*
*
Seeingmymot herhookedont osomany
machi nesi ssur r
eal.Mymom bar elyev ergot
sick,thef l
uewasr areforherandev ent hough
shedi dn'thaveweal t
h,herheal t
hwasa
preciouscommodi ty.Ihav en'tbeenabl et odo
any t
hingel sebesidesf ixatemygazeont he
womant hatgav emel if
e, myl ipsquiveratt he
thoughtofmyhandi nal lofthis.Ishouldhav e
prepar edherf ormypast ,Icoul dhaveomi tt
ed
thedet ail
sofmyabuse, Ijustleteverything
fl
owf rom mymout hl i
kear unningtap, andshe
j
ustwasn' tpreparedf orit.Ihav enot earsleftt
o
cry,
mywel loft
earshasli
teral
l
ydri
edupand
I'
m exhaust
edofreli
nqui
shingpowerov
ermy
l
ife.

Zinhlehasbeenshi fti
nguncomf or
tablyonthe
couchi nthishospi tal suit
eandherf aceisnow
red,notf r
om cr yingbuti tseemsasi fit'
sdueto
painordi scomf or t
.Siy abargesinandhisey es
i
mmedi atelygluet ohi swoman, who'snow
breathingrelentlessly.Hescoopsherupand
mar chesoutoft hesui t
ewi t
hherholdingonto
hisbroadshoul ders.Ii nchclosert
omom' sbed
andSt evenswi ngst hedooropenandgest ures
formet oedget owar dshim.
Hebr
eat
hesoutal
oudsi
gh.
Him-"Shesuf fer
edami norheartatt
ack,she's
stabl
enowt hough.Sheshoul dregai
n
consciousnesssoonenough, Ikeptheri
na
shall
owcomat osestatetoregulateherspiked
bloodpressure.Ziyanda?"
Ibli
nkafewtimesandreal
izethati
twasn'
ta
dream asIat
temptt
odigesteverywordt
hat
I'
veheardcomeoutofSteven'
smout h
Stevennudgesmet owar dsachairclosebyand
helpsmet akeaf ewsi psofwaterfrom my
trembli
nghands.St ev ensi
mulat
essome
breathi
ngexercisesf ormetodo,andaf tera
fewmi nut
esI'vecollectedmyself
.
Steven-"She'
l
lbef
ine,
Ipr
omi
se.Doy
ouwantt
o
tal
kt osomeone?"
IanalyzeSteven'sfacewhenhesay sthi
sand
resonatehiswor dswi t
hmyt hought s.Iknow
thathedoesn'thav etheslightestideaoft he
depthofwhathe' saski ngme.Heonl yhasa
shall
owper cepti
onofwhat '
sgoi ngon, and
that'
sprobablyjustthatI'm str
essedbecauseof
mymot her'
sil
lness,thedept hsoft hedespairi
n
ourli
vesr emainsamy stery.Tell
i
ngmom about
Bhekumuzi wasanabr uptdeci si
onandIst i
l
l
maintainthatitwast helasttimeIdugt hat
deepandspokeofmyt urmoil
.Iknowt hataf t
er
experi
encingat r
avesty,t
henor mistor elease
yourpainandt al
kaboutit,butI'
m almost
cert
ainthatt hosepeoplewhobel i
evethat
weren'tvi
olatedf oralmostadecadeatt he
handsofaf ami l
ymember .Ihav enointerestin
meetingast ranger,tel
li
ngherofmysui cide
thoughts,r
elivingthephysicalandemot ional
painthatIexper i
encedandseei ngpityint hei
r
eyes.

St
even-"
Ziy
anda?Ar
eyouokay
?"
Igi
vehim abri
efsmi
l
eandgazei
ntohi
s
concer
nedeyes.
Me-"
Justf
ine,
thanks.
"
Him-"Idon'
tknowi fyouwanttoseeyouruncl e
aswell?Siy
asaidnooneshoul dgoin,butsince
you'
rehere,youcanseehi m.He'
sinthenext
room."Hegentlytouchesmyshoulder,
smiles
bri
efl
yandl eav
est heroom.Ist
andtherebolted
ont hef l
oorasIwat chmymom f r
om adi stance,
afteraf ewmi nutes, Isi ghheav ilyandj oltoutof
ther oom andbef oreIcanbl i
nkt ot hink,If i
nd
my sel fbesi dehi sbedst aringathi sst il
lbody .
Anov er whel mi ngf eelingofangerov ercomes
measIf eel myhear tthudt hr oughmychest .I
takeacushi onont hecouchcl osebyandhol dit
af ewi nchesf rom hi sf aceast earst hr eatent o
falldownmyov erheat ingcheeks.Igent l
ypr ess
thecushi ononhi sf aceandwat chast he
number sonhi sox y genmachi nedecl i
ne.Isnap
outofmyt rancewhenIf eel Bhekumuzi '
sbody
fi
dgetbeneat hme, It hrowt hecushi onacr oss
ther oom andr unasf astasmyl egscancar r
y
me, outoft hehospi t
al wher eIf indacabt o
transpor tmehome.Iv i
gor ousl yt ypeonmy
phone, unt i
l I'
m sat isfiedandhav ebookedmy
fl
ight .Igr abmysui tcasesatZi nhle'spl aceand
dashbacki ntot hecabandt r
yr egulat emy
breat hingi nt hebackseatoft hecabonmyr i
de
tot heai rpor t.Ani nf l
uxofemot ionsov ercomes
me, asIr ealizethatI '
v eleftmyi l
lmot herona
hospi tal bed, mysi sterwhocoul dpossi blybei n
l
aborori ndangerandwhenIhadacl ear
oppor tuni tytoendt hel i
feoft heani mal who's
responsi bleformymy stery,Icouldn' tpur sue
whatIhaddr eamedofdoi ng; endinghi sli
fe.I
coul dn'tkillthemant hatki l
ledmey ear sago, I
j
ustcoul dn' t
.Ist areatmyt r
embl i
nghandsand
thinkoft heactIal mostcommi tt
edandl etout
al oudsi gh.Bhekumuzi hasmademear ape
victim, at eenmot her, adepr essedper son,an
abusev i
ctim andapawn; Iref usef orhi mt o
makemeamur derer.Ican' tgot hrought her est
ofmyl ife, guil
triddenandangr ysoI 'm
remov ingmy selffrom t hishar shsi tuat i
on,yesI
mayber unningf rom r eali
ty, butI'
m emot i
onally
exhaust edandhopef ul l
yI'
llgai naf resher
per spect iveinadi fferentenv ir
onment .

Thecabdri
verassi
stsmewit
hmyl uggageand
Iheadi
ntothebuzzi
ngai
rpor
t.Iwat
chpeople
l
aughandsmi leandIcl osemyey esasat ear
escapesandl andsonmychest .Afterchecking
i
n, Isi
tonabenchcl osebyandr eal
izeadozen
missedcal l
sfrom SiyaandZi nhleandmyhear t
achesasIcomet ot ermswi t
hbei ngunawar eof
what '
sgoingonwi ththem.Isayasi lentprayer
forthei
rsafetyandt hatofthetwi nsandl ay
backont hehar dbench.
I
'm star
tl
edbysomeonepl
onki
ngt
hemsel
ves
besideme.
"Soyouweregoi
ngt
oleav
ewi
thoutsay
ing
goodbye?
"
Il
ookinthedi
rect
ionoft
hemasculi
nev
oice
andfi
ndBrandonwithawidesmi
l
esmearedon
hi
sface.
Isi
ghoutl
oudandl
ooki
ntheopposi
tedi
rect
ion.
Me-"Whyar
ey ouhereBrandon?I
fSiyaor
any
onesentyoutochangemymi nd,
that'
s
unf
ort
unat
e,becausethat'
snothappening.
"
Hechuckl
essof
tl
y.
Him-"Youwon'
tchangey
ourmi
nd?Okayt
hen,
I
canjustt
agal
ong!"
Me-" Pl
ease,I
'
m beggi
ngyou,
leave!"I
tcomes
outasawhi sperasmyvoi
ceunintent
ional
l
y
breaks.
Him-"Ziy
anda, what'
sgoingon?"Hasks,
l
ookingov er
lyconcernedwhil
estr
oki
ngmy
shoulder
.
Ishakemyheadandbl
i
nkawaymyt
ear
s.
Him-"
Okay,don'tt
ellme."Hesay sashepul l
s
meint
ohishardchestandsuf focatesmewi th
awarmtightembr ace.Att
hispoint
, mytears
fl
owdownmyf aceandsoakhi scashmer e
sweat
erasher ocksmebackandf orthsl
owly.
Him-"Okay,y
oucan'ttravel
insuchast ate.
Let'
sgohome, you'
ll
restandi fyoustil
lwantto
l
eave,I'
l
ldropyouoffmy sel
f."Wi t
houtwait
ing
formyresponse,hegrabsmyl uggageand
handsitt
oamuscularmanwhom Ihadn'
tpai
d
att
enti
ontoear
li
eron.
Me-"
I'
veal
readycheckedi
nsomeot
herbags.
"
Him-"Don' tworr
y,I
'
llsortitoutokay?"Hesays
ashepl antsasoftkissonmyf orehead.Thecar
ri
deisqui etandcal
mi ng,Brandonissitti
ngwit
h
mei nthebackseatst r
okingmyback, whil
ehi
s
broadshoul der
edfri
enddr ives.
Me-"Ireal
l
ydon'
twantt
obear
oundany
one
r
ightnow."
Him-"
That'
sfi
ne,I
'
llbookyouint
oahotel
,
unl
essyou'
recomfort
abl
ebeingatmyplace?
"
Me-"
Ahotel
woul
dbegreat
,thanks.
"IsayasI
t
rymust
erupasmil
e.

Wear ri
veatthehotel
,andI
'm moment ar
il
y
shownt omysuite,mymindisscatter
ed
every
where,Idon'tev
enpayattent
iontomy
l
avishsurr
oundings.OnceBrandonhashelped
meset tl
ein,hepull
st hecover
sandnudgesme
tothebed, wher
eIj umpi nandbr eat
heout
l
oudly.Brandongetsont opofthecov er
sand
cuddlesmef rom behi ndandmymout h
i
nv ol
untari
lycur
vesi ntoasmi l
e.Hesnakeshis
armsar oundmyst i
ll bodyandlungeshisheavy
l
egont opofmi neandwef all
intoacalming
sil
ence.
Brandon'
sphoner
ingsandhesl
owl
yshi
ft
sof
f
thebedandanswersi
t.
Hi
m-"
Siy
a!"
Si
ya-"
..
..
"
Hi
m-"
Whathappened?
"
Si
ya-"
..
."
Hi
m-"
I'
ll
bet
her
ein15.Cool
."
Br
andontur
nshi
sat
tent
iont
omeandr
ushest
o
myside.
Him-"I
'
llbeback.
"Hecr
ouchesdownt
oki
ssmy
cheek.
Me-"
Ismyf
ami
l
yokay
?What
'swr
ong?
"
Br
andon-"
They
'r
efi
ne,
Ipr
omi
se.
"
Iopenmymout h,
butnowor dscomeout
.
Brandongiv
esmear eassuri
ngsmil
eand
dashesoutthesuite,
leavi
ngmealonei
nbed,
fr
antical
l
ypacingupanddown.

*
*BRANDON*
*
Iarri
veattheunknownlocati
onasaccor di
ngto
Siya'
sinst
ruct
ionsandcoordi
nates.Iwalkint
o
therundownbui l
dingt
hat'
sseenbet t
erdays
andI'm metbyaheav i
l
yperspir
ingSiya.
Me-"
What
'sgoi
ngon?
"
Hejer
kshisheadformetof ol
lowhim andsoI
do.Si
yat
urnsaroundtofacemeandnudges
hi
sheadintheopposi
tedirect
ion.
Hi
m-"Thi
siswhat'
sgoingon.
"Hesay
sashe
movesoutofmyway,prov
idi
ngmewithacl
ear
vi
ewofwhathe'
spoint
ingat.
[
04/
19,
06:
04]Wdz:
[83]

*
*BRANDON*
*
It
akeaf
ewst
epsbackandbr
eat
heoutal
oud
si
gh.
Me-"
Nyat
hi,
whatt
hehel
l
?"
Si
y a-"Don'tyoudar
e!Whatist
hiswi
tchsti
ll
doingalive?"Hesayspoi
nti
ngtoabatt
eredand
bruisedEv e.
Me-"It
houghtyouhandedherovertome
Nyat
hi,whati
sshedoingherel
ookingl
iket
his?
"
Him-"Don'ttel
lmethatshitwena!Br andon, do
youneedaqui ckrecap?Sur e,I'
l
lgi
vei tt
oy ou.
Thiswomanhasl eftyoupret tymuchbankr upt,
almostlandedyourfatheri
nj ail
,at
temptedt o
murderawomany ougenui nelycarefor,and
that
'sjustt
hehalfofit!Tel
lmehowy oujustif
y
herroamingaroundtown? "
Me-"
Youdon'
tgeti
t!
"
Hi
m-"
You'
rer
ight
,Idon'
t!
"
Me-"
Siy
a,whati
sthi
s?We'
renotgangst
ers!
"
Him-" You'
reright,we'r
enot.We'r
emen!Asa
man, youdowhat everitt
akes!
"Sweatdroplet
s
form onSi y
a'sface,asonmi ne.We'r
epacing
theabandonedbui l
dingwhil
ey el
l
ingateach
otherinfrustr
ation.
Me-"Who'
sthat
?"Iaskpoi
nti
ngt
oaman
chai
nedbesi
desEve.
Him-"Don'
tworr
yyouri
neff
ici
entsel
faboutthat.
Youweretell
i
ngmehowy oudecidedtogiv
ei ta
chancetorui
nyourl
i
feagai
n?"Hesayspointi
ng
atEve.
Me-"Icouldn'
tman,IwantedtobutIcouldn'
t.
I
'vesti
llbeentr
yingt
of i
gureoutwhattodowith
her,
that'
swhyIhadherl ockedup.Iki
ll
edher
fat
her,kil
l
ingherwouldmakemeagenui ne
murderer.ThanwhatmancanIbet oZi
yanda?"
Si
yagi
vesmeasmi
rkandt
urnshi
sat
tent
iont
o
thei
njur
edbodiesinfrontofus.Eveseemsto
besl
ippingoutofconsciousnessandthebl
ood
spur
ti
ngf r
om herheadhasmyst omachdoi
ng
somersault
s.

I'
vebeent ryingt ohandl et heEv esi t
uat i
on, and
I'
vef ail
eddi smal ly,soaf teraf ewday sofa
gruesomewi tchhunt ,
If oundherandkepther
i
nabasement .Iknewt hati twouldn' tbea
permanentsol uti
ont ot hepr oblem, butI
neededt i
met omakeasounddeci sionand
comet ot er
mswi t
hpossi blyendingherl ife.
FollowingZi y andaar oundhel pedinf or minga
soliddistractionandbef oreIknewi t,Ihad
forgot t
enaboutEv e.Ist oppedgi vingherf ood
andwat er,becauseshehadof fi
ciall
ydi ssipated
from mysy st em, t
hef eel i
ngst hatIhadbeen
holdingont owher et hatofpi tyandempat hy
other wisemyhear tandsoul woul dn'thav ebeen
sof ixatedonZi yanda.Shebecamemydr ug,
andIneededadoseev er yday,andIpr obabl y
deser v
et obepr osecut edformyundet erred
per sistencei nstalki
ngher .Idreamtofher
i
nf ect i
ousl aught hatl eavesherwi thhert ongue
hangi ngoutofhersuccul entlips, Il
ooked
forwar dt ohercompl exandmul t
itudinousf acial
expr essi onsthatshe' dmakewhi lstli
st eningto
herf av oritesongoreat ingherf av ori
tei ce
cream orev ensippingonacockt ail
.I'
ma
wal kingency clopedi
aonev erythingabout
Ziyandaatt hispoint.Mymout hsuddenl y
cur vesi ntoasmi l
easIr emi ni
sceont he
moment sthatsolidi
fiedZi yanda'spl acei nmy
hear t,butmyt hought sar einterruptedbyal ight
punchont hechestf rom Si ya.
Him-"Asentertai
ningasi tiswatchi
ngyou
sal
iv
ateovery ourdaydr eam, Iwantt
hisov
er
anddonewith."Hehandsmeahandsawwhi l
e
hegrabsalargepai rofplier
s.
Iopenmymout htopr
otest
,buthi
sst
ernl
ook
ofdisappr
oval
tel
l
smet okeepmywordsata
mini
mum.
Siya-"Letmespel lthisoutt oyou.Thel oveof
myl ifeandherf amilyhav esufferedatt he
handsoft heset wo.I '
vebr oughty oui nher e
todayt odoy ourpar twitht hatwitchandI 'l
l
wor kmymagi conhi m.Justt oensur ethaty ou
full
yunder stand, I
'
llstart."Hesay swi thahar sh
grinonhi sfaceandashemar chest owar dsthe
shallowbr eathingandbar elyconsci ousman
alongsideEv e.Istandi nmysameposi t
ion,
gazingasSi y atower sov ert hi
sl i
felessbody
andempt ythecont entsofasmal lwat erbot t
le.
Hecr ouchesdownandr ipsapar tthisman' s
sweatshor t
s,leavinghi m st arknakedand
sli
ght l
yquivering.Wi thouthesi tati
on, Siya
clampst heov ersi
zedpl iersont heman' s
dangl i
ngmember ,whi chset smebackashe
screechesandj erksi npai n.
Me-"Whatt
he?
"Imanagetosaythroughthe
scr
eamsandshri
eksi
nthebackground.
Si
yastandsandwal
kst
owar
dsmewi
thagr
in
onhi
sf ace.
Him-" Thatmanmol estedandr apedy our
girl
fri
endZi yandaf oryearsandy earsandt hen
hehadt heaudacityt ocomet omyhouse
unannouncedandpr etendedt oplayhappy
fami l
y.Ziyanda'smom hadahear tat t
ack,my
womanal mostwenti ntopr ematurelaborandI
can'teveni maginewhatZi yandaisgoi ng
through."Siyaclencheshi sjawandi gnoredthe
shrieksescapi ngtheman' smout h.Itakeafew
stepsbackwar ds,stumblingf r
om ast oni
shment
asmyhear tpacesatanal armingrate.
Me-"
What
?"Iscr
eech.
Siyalooksatmeandnodshi shead,visi
bly
angryandf rust
rated.Him-"Sotel
l meI '
m over
reacti
ng."Hesay swhi l
erai
singaney ebrowand
crossinghisarmsacr osshischest.BeforeI
real
izeit,I
'
m ont opoft heman,mer cil
essinthe
punchest hatI'
mt hrowingathim unti
lIfeelSi
ya
pullmeawayaf t
erashor tstr
ugglefrom me.
Me-"
Now,
hedeser
vest
odi
e!"Isaywi
thanger
bur
sti
ngf
rom myv
einsonmyf
orehead.
Si
ya-"Whoah!Youhav
ehert
odeal
wit
h.Leav
e
hi
mt ome."

Hour slater,I
'm sit
ti
ngi nfr
ontofEv ewho' s
gaspi ngforairandmumbl i
ngapol ogies
beneat hherbr eath.Ont heotherhandSi ya
l
ooksl i
kehe'sj ustbegunwi ththisBhekumuzi
char act
erwhol ooksasi fisont hevergeof
takinghi sl
astbr eath.Iturnmyat tenti
onback
toEv ewhopul lsatmyhear t
str
ingsandmakes
myhear tsink.Shegest uresformet ocome
closertohersot hatIcanhearwhatshehast o
say.Icr ouchdownandext endmyhead
towar dsher .

*
*SI
YA*
*
Ir
eali
zet
hatBhekumuziiscrossi
ngtheli
ne
overt
odeat
h,butIcan'
tall
owt hatj
usty
et.I
grababurnerphoneandcr
ouchdownnear
Bhekumuzi.
Me-" Iknowi t'
sal mostt i
me, butyou'regoi ngt o
doonet hingforme, soIcanendt hisofficiall
y,
otherwise, I
'
llmaket hisasslowandpai nful as
possible.We' r
ecal li
ngZi y
andanowandt elli
ng
herhowsor ryyouar eforruini
ngherl if
e,and
don'tforgettot ell
hert hatyou'l
ldi
sappearf r
om
herlifeforgood. "Iwi nkathim anddi al
Ziyanda'snumberandanal y
zehisbat t
ered
body .Ziyandaanswer sont hethir
dr ingand
there'ssil
ence.Iki ckBhekumuzi '
sl eg,nudgi ng
himt ospeakandhepai nful
lycl
ear shisthr oat.
Bhekumuzi-"I
t.
.it
'sme,pl
easedon' tdropthe
phone.I
..i
..Ij
ustwantedtosayt hatI'
m sorr
y,
you'
remoreofahumant hanI'
l
l everbe.Don't
..
."
hecoughsupbl oodandIholdhim upt hen
punchhisshouldersl
i
ghtl
yurginghi mt o
conti
nue.
Hi
m-"
Don'
tchangewhoy
ouar
ebecauseof
whatIdid,y
ou'rebett
erthanthat.I'
l
lbegone
f
rom yourli
fe.
.forev
er."IheatZiy
andasoftl
y
weepont heotherendoft heli
nethenhangup.
Bhekumuzi -"Pleeaaasehepl eadswi thmet o
endhi slif
ewhi l
eIst ar
eathi spat heticsel
f.
Befor eIbli
nk, agungoesof f
,leav i
ngabulleti
n
Bhekumuzi '
schestandEv e'
sf orehead.Ihear
footstepszer oi nonast artl
edBr andonand
my self.It
ur nar oundandI '
m sur prisedtofi
nd
Patrickstandi ngwi t
hapi stolintow.
Patri
ck-"Youboy swouldn'thavedoneitany way.
Nowt hatthat'sdone,
I'
ml eavingthi
sforsaken
place.
"Wi t
ht hat
,hebreathsinheavil
yandgr ins
atus.Het urnsonhisheel anddisappearsinto
thedarkness.
[
04/
19,
06:
05]Wdz:
[84]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
I
'
mly
ingi
nbed,
fiddl
i
ngwi
thmyt
humbsasIt
ry
tocompl eteanov erdueassi gnment .I '
vef all
en
asleepatl eastf ourt imes, andi t'
sbar elynoon.
Mychancesofcompl etingt hisassi gnmentar e
prettybl eak, butI 'm pl easedwi tht hel itt
le
progr essI 'vemade.I 'm mor et hanhal fway
through, andI '
m get tingmor euncomf or
t ableby
thesecond, whi chi sposi ngapr oblem.I 'm 30
weekspr egnant , andI '
mr eadyf ort hese
munchki nst ocomeout .I'mi ncapabl eof
compl eti
ngsi mpl et asks, andmyschool wor kis
definitelysuf fering.Icanbar elykeepupwi th
mydeadl inesandcompl ainingseems
unwar ranted, especi al l
ysi nceIputmy selfin
thi
smess.Mymom i si napr ivater ecov er y
center ,andIcan' tvisitherasmuchasI '
dl iketo
becauseI '
vebeenor deredt obeont empor ary
bedr est .Siyai sawal kingzombi e, bet ween
checki ngonmom, Ziy andaandwor k,andt hen
there'smyhor monal self,hehashi swor kcut
outf orhi m.Ipr ayf ormySi yaev eryday ,Ipray
thatourl ovecont i
nuest of lourishandt hatwe
cont inuet obeeachot her 'spill
arofst rengt h.I
can' timagi newhatIwoul dhav edonewi thout
MrNy athiint hesepastcoupl eofweeks.
Ev erythingj ustcamecr umbl i
ngdownso
abr uptlyinmyf amil
y, andSi y
adef ini
telyhel ped
i
nsof t
eningt heimpact .Zi yandai sst i
llinthe
count r
y ,
althoughIhav en'tseenheri nt wo
weeksbecauseshet ookt heiniti
ativet oget
somehel p.Sheenr oll
edi ntoawel lnesscent er
tonav igatet hroughherf loodofemot ionsand
faceherpastonceandf orall.Imi ssherso
much, i
thur ts,butIknowi nthedept hsofmy
hear tthatt hisst episnecessar yforhert ol i
v ea
fulfil
ledl i
fe.She' snotal lowedhav ingguest s,
butIguessnoonecansaynot oMrNy athi
becausehemanagest osecur eaf ivemi nut e
visitev eryfewday s.

Si
yahasbeentheepit
omeofaper f
ectpar
tner,
al
thoughwehaven'
tbeenint
imatewit
heach
ot
herinawhi
le.Icr
avehim wit
hint
hedepthsof
mysoul ,butI '
m soexhaust edt hatani ghtof
passioni sn'tpr actical.Siyai sn'tputti
ngi nmuch
ofanef f
or tregar dingusr econnect i
ngwi thour
bodiesei ther, he'
sof f
iciall
ymov edintoanother
guestbedr oom af ewf eetfrom mi nesoIdon' t
evengett osl eepi nhisar msany more.One
eveninghecamehomeandcuddl edbehi ndme
andwebot hdr i
ftedof ftoabl issfulsleep.
Howev eraf ewmi nutesl ater,Siyabr okeintoa
coldsweatandwi thoutwar ninghest ormedout
ofther oom.Il ookedf orhi m ev erywher e
aroundt hehouse, buthehadal readyl ef
tsoI
waddl edmyf atpost er i
orbackt obed.

Isooncomet oreal
izethatIwi l
lhav
et osubmit
myassi gnmentv i
apostt omor r
ow,because
si
tti
ngi nfr
ontofthislaptopscreenisprovi
ngto
beaf uti
leexerci
sefornow.It ypeafew
paragraphsbeforeoffi
ciall
ycall
ingi
tanight.I
makeasi l
entpromisetomy sel
ftowakeup
fi
rstthi
ngint hemorningt ocompletethi
s
damnedassi gnmentandt obracemy sel
ffora
fai
l.Idon'tknowhowI 'm goingtobeabl eto
managemyt imebetweent hebabi esandmy
schoolwor k,si
nceI
'm alreadystruggli
ng,butI
knowt hatI '
l
lcomplet
et hisdegreeev eni
fit'
s
thelastthingIdoont hi
spl anetear t
h.
Iheart hemai ndoorbangshutandmyhear t
dancesi nexci t
ementt oseeSi ya,Ifeel asifI
hav en'tspentsomequal i
tyt i
mewi thhimi na
whi l
e.Isl owlyshi f
tof fthebedandcont empl ate
conceal ingmymassi vebel l
ybecauseI 'm
uncer tai
nwhet heri t
'smypr egnantbodyt hat'
s
turningSi yaof f
.I'm wear ingacr opt opanda
maxi skirt
,leavingmybumpcompl etely
exposed.Ir eali
zet hatmyf eetar eswol l
enand
thatI'mj ustt oolazyt owal kov ertot hecl oset
soIdeci det omakemywayt oSi yalooki nglike
thi
sanddeal withhiswr at hasitcomes.Iwal k
baref ootedt othel oungear eaandnot icehi m
l
y i
ngonacouchf acingt heceili
ngwi thagl ass
ofbr ownl i
quori nonehand.Imakemyway
towardsthecouchandgent l
ylowermybody
ontoit.Il
if
tSiya'sheadof fthecouchandpl ace
i
tonmyl apandIpl antagent l
ekissonhi scold
l
ips.Siyaplaceshisglassont hefloorandt ur
ns
tohavehisf aceaf ewinchesf r
om mybel lywith
acurveonhi slips.Wesi tinpeacefulsi
l
encef or
awhileuntilIfeelmyey eli
dsgetheav yagain.
Me-"
Siy
a."
Hi
m-"
Hmmm?
"
Me-"Idon'tknowwhati
tisyou'
regoingthr
ough,
andIdon'tknowifI
'
llev
enbeabl etohel
pyou,
butI
'
llcontinuet
oprayfory
ou."IsayasIstr
oke
hi
sbaldhead.
Hehol
dsontomywaistandt
akesadeep
br
eat
hin,
theni
tssi
l
enceagain.
Me-"
Wantamassage?"Heconti
nuestoignor
e
meandj
usthol
dsontometi
ghteri
nstead.
Me-"Iwasthinki
ngthatweshoul
dhavea
materni
tyshootsoon,ar
eyougame?"
Me-" Oh!Andyoushoul dt akemet othenew
housesowecangeti tor ganizedandr eadyi
n
ti
mef orthebambino's."Siya'ssoftsnoresfi
l
l
theroom soIgentlyshiftof ft
hecouchand
fetchafluff
ythr
owf rom myr oom toplaceover
Siya'
ssexybody.Iplantasof tki
ssonhi scheek
andwal kbacktomyr oom wher eIdecideto
ploughthroughthenightandcompl etemy
assignment.

Thef ol
lowingmor ni
ng,I'm wokenupbyt he
urgetourinate,soIr untot hebat hroom andI
barelymakei ttothebowl whenur i
nest art
s
escapingmyl adypar ts.Ideci deonaqui ck
showeronceI '
m donedoi ngmybusi nessand
settl
eonasi mpl emaxi dress, Ibreatheheav i
ly
whenIr eali
zet hatthedr essi salitt
let oosnug
andaccent uatesmypr otrudingbel l
y.Iheadout
ofthebedr oom andr ealizet hatSiyai sn'
tinthe
house,buthe'sl ef
tasmal l surpri
sef orme; a
greasybreakfastaccompani edbyanot ethat
reads" Iloveyou.
"Ismi l
etomy sel
fand
i
mmedi atel
ydigintomyheartybreakfast.Once
I'
m donepi l
ingonev enmoreki
lo'sIgrabmy
bagandmyassi gnmentandheadf orthe
garage.Af t
ermyt hi
rdatt
emptatget ti
ng
comf ortablebehindthewheel
,Isighheav il
yin
defeatandmakemywaybacki nsidethehouse
towai tf oracab.

Ipostmyov er
dueassi gnmentandhaul acabto
arestaurant,I
'
mf amishedandIneedt osit
downandel evat
emyswol lenf
eet .Aft
er
order
ingt woentrees,Iplacemyf eetont he
seatbesidemeandt akeal ongsipofmy
mockt ai
l.Il
ookupwhenIhearsomeonecl ear
thei
rthroat.Il
ookupandseeaf ami l
i
arface;i
t'
s
Andil
e.
Ir
oll
myey
esandl
ookaway
.
Him-"Isthi
sseattaken?
"Hepoi
ntsatt
he
vacantseatopposit
eme.
Me-"
Yes.
"Isaywi
thoutl
ooki
ngathi
m.
Andi
leignor
esmyanswerashepul
l
sthechai
r
andsit
scomf or
tabl
yoni
t.
Me-"
You'
vegott
obeki
ddi
ngme.Pl
easel
eav
e."
Hi
m-"Zi
nhl
e,pl
ease.
."hesay
sashenar
rows
hi
sey
esatme.
Me-" I'
m suddenlynotsohungr yanymore."I
grabmybagandt akeafewnot esoutofmy
purse.Andilegentlyhol
dsont omyhandand
pullsupmychi nwithhi
sthumbandbef oreI
knowi t,heplantsanaggressivekissonmyl i
ps.
Itrytopushhi m awaybutIf ai
l,soIgent
lybit
e
hislipandhej umpsaf ewf eetback.
Me-"Neverdot
hatshi
tagain!
"Ishoutathi
m
whil
epokinghi
shardchest
.Hechucklessoft
ly
andsmil
esatme.
Him-"Youreal
l
ythinkSi
yal
ovesyou?Youthi
nk
becausehethr
owsmoneyaty ou,
thatmeans
thi
sislov
e?Ifeel
sorryf
oryou.
"Hesayswhil
e
shaki
nghi
shead.
Him-"Ver
ysoony ou'
l
lbei
nthesameposi
ti
on
asYvett
e,thenwhat?
"
Me-"Mxim."IsayasIpusht
hroughhi
m and
walkaway.Andil
eishotonmyheelsandcal
ls
af
terme.
Him-"YoutookYv et
te'
spl
aceandnowPam has
takenyour
s!"Hescreamsandwalksi
nthe
opposit
edirect
ion.
Icall
acabandont hewayhome, Andi
le'
s
wordsr i
nginmyear s.Iwantnothi
ngmor ethan
toforgetaboutwhathesaid,buthehasmy
mindr unni
ngoverdri
vewiththoughtsabout
Siy
a'ssuddendistancetowardsme, howelse
wouldAndi l
eknowaboutSi yaandPam?

Iarr
iveathomeandI '
m wel
comedbyani nvi
ti
ng
aromaescapingthr
oughthekit
chen,
andmy
angerbeginstoboi
li
nsideofmeagain.Si
yais
probabl
ycookingt
oal
lev
iat
ehi
msel
ffr
om t
he
guil
tofcheat
ingonme.
Me-"SiyabongaNy athi
,IthoughtIhadnothi
ng
toworryaboutr egar
dingthatbit
chPam.What
am Isupposedt odot ostopyouf r
om whori
ng
around?Shoul dIcutyourballs?
"IshoutasI
makemywayt othekitchen.Anunfamil
iar
femalevoicerespondst ome.
Her-"
Hmmm whatcolourf
ull
anguage.
"The
Middl
eagedwomansay sasshewipesher
handsonherapr
on.
Inarr
owmyey esinconf
usi
onandseeSi
ya
appearf
rom t
helounge.
Si
ya-"
Zinhl
e,t
hisi
smymot her
."Hesaysand
mymout hi
mmediatel
ydr
opstothefloorand
mycheeksfl
ushinembar
rassment.
[
04/
19,
06:
06]Wdz:
[85]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
We'reseat edar oundt hecasualdiningtableand
adeaf eningsilencehasf il
l
edt heroom.The
snaresf rom Siya'smom ar emaki ngmeev en
mor euncomf ortablebythesecondandher
endlessl oudhuf fsareurgingmet oexcuse
my sel
ff rom thet ableandgotobed, butI'
ve
al
readycomeacr ossasabel l
iger
entandI 'l
l
manner edli
tt
legi rl
,Idon'
twantt ohumi li
ate
Siy
aev enfurther.

Thetantal
izi
ngspr eadoffoodmadeby
Mam'Ny at
hihasmedr ooli
ng,t
hemunchkins
aredoi
ngsomer sault
sinexci
tementtoeatas
well
,butI'
m uncertainofwhatmynextmov e
shoul
dbe, perhapsdishingupthemoundthatI
wanttowillbr
ingaboutev enmoretroubl
e.

Wehaven'taddr
essedthei
ssueofmy"col
orf
ul
l
anguage"andI'
m par
ti
all
ygladt
hatSi
ya'
smom
hasn'tbroughti
tupbecauseI'm dumbfounded
astowhatIwoul dsay.WhileIfi
ddlewithmy
fi
ngers,Siya'
smotherst
andsanddi shesupf or
herselfandIjumptomyf eet.
Me-"
Letmedot hatma"Isaywhi
l
ehol
dingout
myhandforherpl
ate.
Shelooksatmest arki
ntheeyeandplacesone
handonherhip,Itakeadeepbreat
hinasI
prepar
emy sel
fforwhat'
stocome.
Her -"Upheki
l
e( didy
oucook? )
"Sheaskswhi
l
e
raisinghereyebrows.Ist
areatthef
loori
n
dismayandatal ossforwords.
Her-"Hl
alaphansike!(
Sitdownt hen!
)"She
barksatMe, andsoIdoasI '
mt oldandsitmy
fatderi
erbackdown.IlookoveratSiyaandhe
l
ooksawaymucht omydi sappointment.

OnceSiy
a'smom i
ssett
ledbackdownonher
seatt
heroom i
sfi
l
ledwithsi
l
enceyetagai
n.My
mindwandersofft
oanot herdimensi
onasI
countev
erysecondthatpasses.Myt hought
s
arei
nter
rupt
edbyMam' Ny athi
'
snail
scl i
nki
ng
agai
nstthegl
asstablesoIturntofaceher.
Her
-"So,
nowy
ouwon'
tev
endi
shupf
ormyson
madam?"
IlookoveratSiyaandhebar elyt wit
chesashe
l
ooksahead.Ispr i
ngupt omyf eetanddishup
forSiyaanddishupasal adandpi eceof
chickenformyself
.Idon'tfeelcomf ort
abl
e
dishingupmyusual pl
atefulinfrontofthi
s
woman, soI'
llj
usthavetosucki tup.
Iwouldlovenot hi
ngmoret hantovacuum my
mealinjustaf ewbit
es,butSiyaandhismother
arebarel
yeatinginbetweent hei
rconver
sati
on
andIdon'twantt oseem l
ikethefatpi
gI
al
readyfeelIam.
Mymindwander soffonceagai nwhen
Mam'Nyat
hibeginsaconv ersati
onaboutSi
ya'
s
chi
l
dhoodandv arsi
tygir
lf
riends.Iat
temptt
o
dist
ractmy sel
fwit
hmymeal infrontofme,and
Ievengr ababreadr ol
lwhenIfeeleven
hungrierthanbef
ore.Ichokeonmybr eadr
oll
whenSi ya'smom clearshert
hroattospeak.
Her
-"Ar
eyousur
ethey
'r
ehi
s?"
Sheaskswhi legest uri
ngtowardsmy
protrudingbelly.Icoughuncontroll
abl
yasthe
breadt ravel
sdownt hewr ongpipe.It
akealong
sipoft hewat erinfrontofme.lwhileSiy
a
springst ohisfeetbesidemewi t
hconcern
writtenalloverhisface.Hehi t
smybackandI
yelpouti npain.Oncet hecoughinghas
subsi ded,Icl
earmyt hroatvi
gorousl
y.
Me-"What.On.Ear
th?
"IaskSi
yaasIwr
iggl
ein
pai
nfrom myburni
ngback.
Si
ya-"
Shit
,I'
m sor
rybabe.
"Ist
rokehi
sar
m and
si
tbackdown.
Me-"
It
'sf
inel
ove.
"
Si
yat
urnshisat
tent
ionbacktohi
smotherand
hi
semeral
deyessuddenlyt
urndar
k.
Hi
m-"
Ma,
No!
"
Me-"
It
'sf
inemyl
ove.
"IsayasIwi
nkathi
m.
Me-"Yes,I
'm cer
taint
hatthesemunchki
nshave
Nyat
hibloodrunningthr
oughthei
rvei
ns.I
'm.
."
Mr
sNy
athi
-"Howcanwebesur
e?"
Siy
a-"Ifyoumustknow,
Zinhl
ewaspur eand
untouchedwhenwedecidedtobeint
imate,t
he
detai
lsofwhichar
enoneofyourbusi
ness."
Mam'
Nyat
hicl
apsonceandl
aughssar
cast
ical
l
y.
Her -"
Youlosty ourvi
rgi
nityt
oamar r
iedman?
Siya,mysonIwat chedashowonceabouta
womant hatgav ebi
rtht
ot wi
nsthathadtwo
dif
ferentfather
s.Forallweknow,may beoneof
thosearey oursornonef ort
hat
..
"
Siya-"
EnoughMa!Zinhl
eisthemotherofyour
grandchi
ldr
enthatyou'
vebeenhoundi
ngme
aboutmyent i
rel
if
e!Ify
oucan'tatl
eastr
espect
t
hat,
I'm sur
eyour
emembert
hedoory
oucame
i
nthrough."
Ishiftuncomf ort
abl yonmyseatasmy
stomachgr owlsandmyt hroatstartstoclose
up.Siyar eachesf ormeandhel psmeup, he
l
eadsmeoutoft hedi ni
ngar eaandIwaddl eto
myr oom.Ient ermyr oom al oneandst ri
punt i
l
I'
ml eftinmyunder wear .Iswi t
chont heA. C.as
Ifeelsweatdr opletsform onmyf oreheadandI
j
umpi ntobed.Ishi ftaroundi nbedwhenIf eel
myst omachhar denandanuncomf or
tabl
e
sensat i
oninmyabdomen.If al
lasleeptot he
soundofashout i
ngmat chint hedi ni
ngarea.
Siy
asnuggl esupf rom behindmeandcuddl
es
andst rokesmybel ly.Ifeelhi
smembersnuggl
e
i
nbet weenmybut tcheeksandmymout h
curvesi nt
oasmi le.Ishiftasmystomach
continuestof eel
oddandmybodyshi ver
sfrom
acoldsweat .
Si
yahol
dont
omet
ight
erandni
bbl
esonmyear
,
butst
opsabr
upt
ly.
Hi
m-"
Zi.
."
Me-"
Hmmm?
"
Hi
m-"
Babe,
whyi
sthebedwet
?"
Iyel
pouti
npai
nasashar
ppaintr
avel
sthr
ough
myabdomenandusswi
ft
lyf
oll
owedbyanother
one.
Me-"
There'
ssomethi
ngwr
ong!"Imanaget
o
whi
speri
nbetweenmyscr
eeches.

I
'm br
eat
hingthr
ought
hepai
nwhi
l
eSi
yabar
ks
or
dersovert
hephone.
Me-"Babi
es,
pleasestayi
nther
eal
i
ttl
elonger
.
Pl
easemymunchki ns.
"
IsaywhileIst
rokemybell
y.Withi
naf ew
moment s,Si
yarunsbacki
ntotheroom wit
ha
fl
eecethrowintow.Hewrapsmei nitand
carr
iesmeoutoft her
oom andintothegarage,
whilehismot herrunsbehindhim hy ster
icall
y.
Siyaplacesmei nt hebackseatofhi scar ,hi
s
mot herjumpsi ntot hepassengerseatandSi ya
si
ghsi nf r
ust r
ati
on, buthedri
vesof fanyway .
Wear r
iveatt hehospitalandbeforeIknowi t
,
I'
mi nasui tewi t
hSt evenhoveri
ngov erme
l
ooki ngconf usedasev er
.
Me-"
Isi
tti
me?
"
Iaski
nat
rembl
i
ngv
oiceassweatcov
ersmy
body.
St
even-"
Wel
l
,ummm.
."
Mr
sNy
athi
bar
gesi
ntot
her
oom l
ooki
ngl
ost
.
Her-"
Makot
i.
."shesay
swhi
l
efi
ddl
i
ngwi
thher
f
inger
s.
Si
ya-"
Ma,
notnow!
"
Iglanceov
eratherandIseetear
st r
ickl
edown
herfaceassherunstowardsmyside.She
grabsmyhandsandcl i
ngsontot
hem.
Her
-"I
'
m sor
ry!I
'
m sososooor
rry
yy!
"Shecr
ies
outl
oudl
y.
[
04/
19,
06:
07]Wdz:
[86]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*

Siyaj umpst ohisf eetwhi l

eIst areatat er
ri
fied
Mr sNy athi andhert r
embl inghandst hatcov er
mi ne.Thepai ninmyabdomeni sslowl y
subsi ding, butnauseahasnowov ercomeme.
Wi thinaf lashSi y aisstandi ngbehi ndhi s
mot herandt uggi ngatherar m withangerso
visiblywr it
tenal l overhisf ace.Assoonast he
doorshut scl osedbehi ndSi yaandhi smom as
hepr acti
cal lydragsheroutoft hesui te,my
dinnercont ent slandont hef l
oorbesi demybed.
Ilookatt hef l
oorandnot icehowdar kmywast e
l
ooks, Stev enl ooksper plexedaswel landhis
frowni sthel astt hingIseebef oremyheadhi t
s
thepi ll
owandi t
'sli
ghtsoutf orme.
Myeyel
idsf
lut
teropenandIseehiseyes
gazi
ngatmethatfeel
li
kehome.Hehol dsont
o
myhandasIturntohi
ssidetofacehi
m.
Hei mmedi atel
yengulfsmyf acewut hhis
mascul inehandsseeki ngreassur anceinmy
eyesandsoImanaget oslightlycurvemydr y
l
ipsi ntoaqui veri
ngsmi l
e.Inot i
ceat ear
threatentol eavehislefteye, whichhemanages
toblinkaway .Ourmomenti sinterr
uptedby
Stevencl earinghisthroatint hebackgr ound.
Hemakeshi swayt owardsusandIgazeatt he
ceil
ingi nfearofwhathe' sabouttoinf
or m me.I
slowlysnakemyhandsar oundmybel lyand
feelthatit
'sstil
lint
act,Ibreatheoutaslowsi gh
ofreliefbuttrytoremindmy sel
ftosti
l
l expect
thewor st.
St
evengiv
esmeoneofhi
swar m si
ncere
smil
esandIl
ookathi
minant
ici
pation.
St
even-"
Soy
ou'
vef
inal
l
ydeci
dedt
ojoi
nusi
n
thelandoftheli
vi
ng?"Icanonlymusterupa
fewblinkst
oacknowl edgehisst
atement
becauseIfeelbeyondfati
gued.
Stev
en-"
Okay,
sowouldy
ouliket
oheart
he
goodnewsorbadnewsf
ir
st?
"
Si
ya&me-"
Bad.
"
St
eveni
nhal
esadeepbr
eat
handIcl
enchont
o
Si
ya'
shandf
ordearl
i
fe.
Stev en-"Istil
ldon'tknowwhathappenedear li
er,
i
t'sat ruemedi calmy ster
y .Youwer eshowing
signsofpr eter
m Labour ,
howev erthissit
uati
on
i
scompl ex.Yourwat erbr okebutonl yhal
fway
through, thebabi eswer einal i
tt
ledistr
essdue
toy ourpeakedbl oodpr essur e,Ialmost
performedanemer gencyC- sect i
onony ou,but
wheny our egur gi
tat
edt hatv i
lelookingdar k
stuff,yourv it
alswer ebackt onor mal,t
he
babiesset t
ledcomf or t
ablyandar edoingbet t
er
thanev er.Youar egoingt ohav et ostayhere
though, noquest i
onspl ease!"
Inodl
i
keali
tt
leschool
gir
landher
eci
procat
es
wit
hasof
tsmile.
Il
ookoveratSi
yaandhelooksuncomfortabl
e
ashecanbarel
ylookatmeallofasudden.
Me-"
Where'syourmom?
"Af
teral
ongpausehe
cl
ear
shi
st hroat
.
Si
ya-"
Shehadtol
eav
e,ther
ewasanemer
gency
wi
thmysist
eraswel
l.
"
Itr
ytositup,
butmybodyf
ail
smeandsoIhol
d
ontohi
shandi nst
ead.
Me-"
IssheOkay?"Henodssl
i
ght
lyand
i
mmediatel
ychangest
hesubj
ect
.
Him-"
Lov
e,I'
l
lhavetogosortoutaf
ewt
hings
atwor
ksothatIcantakeaf
ewweeksof
f."
Me-"
Weeks?Youdon'
thav
etodot
hat
Him-"Thi
sisn'
tupfordi
scussi
onsosav
eyour
breat
h.Anythi
nginpart
icul
art
haty
ouwant
fr
om thehouse?"
Iopenmymouthtospeak,
buthei
mmedi
atel
y
i
nterj
ect
sagai
n.
Hi
m-"
Don'
tanswert
hat
;I'
l
lsor
titout
."
Heleansdownt
owardsthebedandpl
ant
sa
sof
tpeckonmycrustyl
i
ps.
Him-"I
'l
l definit
elybr
ingsomel ipbalm."Hesay s
andsoftlychuckl eswhileul ookathim witha
boredexpr ession.Hepl ant stwokisseson
eit
hersideofmybel lyandt hemunchkins
i
mmedi at el
yr espondbyki cking,healwayshas
thatef
fectont hem.Hemakeshi swayt othe
doorandbl owsonef inal kissbeforeheleaves.
OnceSiy aisgone, Iclosemyey esandpr ayto
themostHi ghandgi vet hanks.

*
*SI
YA*
*

I'
mraci
nghomebecauseIneedtohaveaster
n
conv
ersat
ionwi
thmymotherregar
dingt
his
enti
rehospi t
al escapade.Wheni draggedher
outofZi nhl
e'ssuit e,Iwastryingt oneut r
ali
ze
thesituati
on,andIal sowant edhert ot el
lme
whatshewassoapol oget
icfor.Unf ortunat
ely
oncewewer eout si dethesuite,shebecame
evenmor ehysterical andcouldn'tutterawor d
soSt evengav ehersomet hingtohel phercal m
downandIsentherhomewi thadr i
v erwhichI
i
nstructedtokeepguar duntilIarri
ve.

I'
m anxi
oust oknowwhatmymot herhastosay
becauseIhav eav erystr
ongfeelingthatit
couldhaveanext remelynegativeimpactonour
rel
ati
onshipforever.I'
mtryi
ngt obeopt i
mistic,
butseeingtheloveofmyl i
feandmyl i
tt
le
pri
ncesalmostsnat chedawayf rom mebyt he
angelofdeath,there'
snoapol ogythatwould
suff
iceifanyonehadahandi nthis.

Iar
ri
veatt
hehouseandseemymot
herr
ocki
ng
hersel
fbackandf ort
hont hecouchinadaze.I
pathershoulderandafterawhil
eshelooksup
atmei nfearandwi t
htearsfr
eefall
i
ngdown
herredcheeks.Isighoutheavi
lyandpl
ant
myselfonthecouchbesi deher.
Me-"
Mama,
whathappened?
"
Ist
rokehershoulderandpayherbackandaf
ter
afewminutesifsil
ence,shet
urnstol
ookatme.
Her
-"Myson,I
'm sor
ry.Idi
dn'
tknow.It
houghtI
washel
pingy
ou."
Me-"Youdidn'
tknowwhat?Mamaspeak!
"Isay
i
nfrust
rat
ion,mypati
encei
sWari
ngthi
n.
Her -"Asapar ent
,whenyourchi l
dhurtsyou
alsohur t.Whenthatdevi
lYvettewasst i
lli
n
yourhear tshebuttyouandy etyoustayedwi th
her ,am outsi
derwouldhavethoughtthatitwas
thepr oductofblackmagicthewayy ouwer eso
i
nf atuated.Now,you'
vefall
enheadov erheel s
ov erthischil
dandIwasn'tcertai
nwhet herher
i
nt entionsweregenuinesoItookmat tersinto
myownhands.
"If
rownatherandbreat
heout
i
nant
ici
pat
ionf
orwhatagesaboutt
osay .
Her-"SoIconsultedwit
hatradit
ional
healerand
askedt hathegiv
emesomet hingtocleanse
youf r
om Anyt hi
ngthatt
hesewomenhav e
i
mpl antedinyou."
Me-"WWHHHAAATTT?"Ishoutandshe
squeal
sont
hecouch.
Her-"Butheassuredmet hatitwoul
dn'thav e
anyeffectonZinhl
eevent houghshe'spregnant.
Itwasjusttoworkony ouasadet ox.IswearI
didn'
tplanonanyofthistohappen!"Shepl eads
withmewhi let
earsfl
oorhercheeks.

Istandupandpacet her
oom i
nanatt
emptto
cooldown,butbefor
eIknowit
,I'
mthr
owi
nga
vaseacrosstheroom.It
urnt
ofacemymother
withfur
yovercomingme.
Me-"
Myki
ds!Youputmyki
dsl
i
fei
ndangeral
l
becausey outhinkngidli
siwe?Whatf uckeryis
this?Sincewhendoy ouev enbelievein
tradit
ionalhealers?You'reont hecommi t
teeat
church!Howdoy out r
ustsomeonet hatthrows
bonesandcl ai
mst oknowy ourfutur
e?Isend
youf uckingmoneyev eryfewweekssoy oucan
l
etast r
angerdi ctat
ewhaty oushoulddowi th
yourson? "
Her
-"I
'm sor
r.
.I'
m sor
rry
yyy
y!"Shecr
awl
s
t
owardsmeandkneel sbef
oreme.
Me-"Youthoughtyouwer ehel
pingyourson?
Whayifyoulostyourgrandki
dsintheprocess?
Don'
tworryyoursel
faboutthat,
becausey ou'
ve
j
ustl
ostasonaswel l
."
Assoonast hosewordsescapemyl i
ps,she
screamshy ster
ical
lyandthesightbefore
breaksmyhear t.Ihar
shlywipeawayt earst
hat
threatentof al
ldownmyf aceandsnatchmy
mot her'
strembl i
nghandsof fofmylegs.
Me-"
Pleasedon'
tmaket
hishar
dert
hani
t
al
readyi
smama.Goodby e.
"Ir
unupst
air
sand
makemywayt omystudy,Isl
am t
hedoorshut
andheadfort
hel
iquorcabi
net.
[
04/
19,
06:
08]Wdz:
[87]

*
*SI
YA*
*

Ibl
inkafewt i
mesandr eali
zedthatI'
m
sprawl
edont hefloorwit
habot tl
eofBr ian
l
iquorinhand.Itr
ytositup,butthethrobbing
painfr
om myheadmakesi tvir
tual
lyimpossible.
Myheadi sn'
ttheonlypartofmybodyt hat
aches,myheartisphysi
callypai
nfulandheav y.

Nothingcanprepareyouinlif
eforhandli
ng
suchadi l
emma.I '
vejudgedpeopleand
shunnedthem forabandoningtheirsi
ngl
e
mot her
'sandneverinami l
li
ony earsdi
dIthi
nk
thatI'
dbeinthi
sposi t
ion.Mymot herwasmy
l
ightandmyl if
ef ort hebul kofmyexi st
ence,
yetmyl i
ghthassi nglehandedl ybroughtsuch
darknessandgl oom i ntomyl if
e.Themer e
thoughtofhowIal mostl ostmyl oves,i
s
enought osendmet oanasy l
um, soIstand
behindmydeci sionofnol ongerassociati
ng
my sel
fwi t
hthewomant hatbir
thedme.My
heartpalpi
tatesatt her eal
izat
ionthatIno
l
ongerhav eamot her, butI'
m afatherandit'
s
ti
mei startedmaki ngst erndecisi
onsasone.

Afteraf ewmi nutesofmust eri

ngupt he
str
engt htogetmybodyof fthefloor ,
I
eventuallysucceed.Isi ghoutloudandr each
forthecei li
ngi nawel l
neededst r
et ch.It akea
l
ongsi poft hesmal l
cont entsinthewhi skey
bottl
eandheadf orthedoor .Irealizet hatit'
s
sti
llearl
ymor ningandmyhear tsinksasmy
mindwander stoZinhlebeingal onei nt he
hospital
, feeli
nghelpless.Irusht ot hemast er
bedroom andst r
iponmywayt ot heshower .I
resor
tt oacoldshower ,
Ineedany t
hingtokeep
meal ert.Af
terat hi
rt
yminuteicecol
dshower ,
I
headf ortheclosetandgetdressedincasual
clot
hesanddashdownst air
sf orZi
nhle'
sroom.

Uponr eachi
ngmyl astst
epont hest ai
rcase,I
comet oahal t,foll
owedbymyhear t
.Myey es
l
andonmymot her,softl
ysobbi ngont hecouch
withhersuitcasebesi deher .Iglanceov erat
her,andmyf i
rstinsti
nctistor usht oherside
andcomf orther ,butImust erupmywi l
lpower
andheadt heopposi tedi
rectiont oZinhl
e's
room.

Iball
upmyhandsi ntofi
stswhenIr each
Zinhl
e'sr
oom andI '
mi mmedi at
elywel comed
byherscent .Iscantheroom andt here'sno
doubti
ngt hatit'
sZinhle'
s,"
hippiechic"asshe
l
ikestorefertoherself.Herdiff
users,sage,
dreamcatcher s,
photo'sofusandofourbabi es
andnot esforschool scatteredonherdesk.
Angerboi l
supi nsideofmewhenIt hinkofhow
thi
swoul dhav ebeenmyonl ymemor yofher
andt hebabi es,hadt hingst urnedl eft,herroom
woul dhav ebeenmyonl yplaceofr efuge.Ihead
forhercl osetandpackev ery t
hingIsetmyey es
on,incl udingherr eveal i
ngunder wear , whi
ch
puzz lesmebecauseouri ntimacyhasbeenput
ont hebackbur ner,themer ethoughtofheri n
anyi ft heselacegar ment shasmymember
ri
singt oattenti
onbutIcont inuewi tht hetaskat
hand.OnceI '
m donepacki ngf orher ,Ihavetwo
suitcasesi ntow,Ipr ayt hatshewon' tneed
every thingbecauseshe' l
lhesentbackhome,
butI '
dr at
herbesaf eandZi nhle'stemperi stoo
unpr edi ct
abletot estt heseday s.

Inthegrandschemeoft hi
ngs,t
hedramawi th
Pam seemsf ut
il
eandalthoughI'
vebeen
debati
ngonwhet hert
ot el
lZi
nhleaboutthe
sagaregardi
ngPam, butIneedherhealt
hyso
I
'
llhav
etokeept
hisi
nforawhi
l
elonger
.
Il
eaveZinhl
e'sr
oom andmymot herr
unst
ome,
holdi
ngontomef ordearl
if
ewhi
l
eIstandi
n
fr
ontofherli
keastatue.
Isnatchherquiver
inghandsoffofmeandpush
pasther,dr
aggingthesuit
casesbehi
ndme.
Afterafewsteps,Itur
ntolookather
.
Me-"
Ma,
justl
eav
ebef
oret
hingsgetwor
se.
"
Her-"
How?HowdoIleav
emysonknowi
ngthat
hehatesme?
"Shescr
eamsi
nbet
weenher
sobs.
Me-"Fi
ne,I
'
llhaveyouthr
ownoutthen."Isay
wi
thoutemot i
onandheadformycarthenhead
t
othehospital
.

IenterZinhle'
ssui
teandmyhear tmel
tsatthe
si
ghtbef oreme.She'sinoneofherbr
a'st
hat
shecallscropshir
tsortopsandsweatpants,
snoozinglikeababy.Iseeherf
li
nchandhold
ontoherstomachwhenoneoft hemunchkins
kicksherandshedozesof fsoonaf tert
hat
again.Ismil
etomy selfandmakemywayt o
thebedandcl i
mbi nbehindZi nhle.Shemoans
andshi f
tstomaker oom formet henwrapsmy
armsar oundherbell
y.
Her
-"Ny
athi
."
Me-"
MaKhumal
o."
Mymout hcurvesint
oasmi l
ewhenIf eelmy
babieskickingasasigni
freassurancethat
they'
reokay .Afewmoment slat
erIdri
ftofft
oa
bli
ssfulsleep.

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*

I
'vebeencoupedupi
nthishospit
alsui
tefor
over2weeksandIcansafel
ysaythatI'
m si
ck
ofit
.Thestaf
fandmybabydaddyhav egone
outofthei
rwaytomakemyst aymore
comfor
tabl
e,butr
egardl
essoft
hef
ivest
ar
tr
eat
ment,Iwanttogohome.

Mysi sterisstil
linherr ecover ypr ogram and
thereforehadn'tbeenabl etov isit
, andmy
mot herisn'tawareofmyhospi tal
izat i
on,we
decidedt okeepheri nthedar kbecauseofher
heart.I'
m compl etinganassi gnmentt hat'
sdue
soon, andatt hispointint i
me, I
'm gr at
efulfor
thefactt hatIonlyhav ey earmodul es,Ican'
t
i
magi nemy selfstudyingandwr it
ingexamsi n
thenextf ewmont hs.AsIwr apupmy
assignment ,
Siyacomesbar gingi nwi tha
bouquetoff l
ower s;hebr i
ngsmeoneev eryday
withoutfail.
Me-"Babydaddy
!"IsayasIst
andupwi
th
st
ruggl
e.
Hecrouchesdownandkissesmybel
l
yt hen
f
inal
l
yt ur
nshisat
tent
iontomeandplantsa
l
ongsmoochonmywetl i
ps,l
eav
ingmewi t
h
ti
ngl
ysensat
ionsonev
eryi
nchofmywhal
e
body
.

Att
hatmoment
,St
evenent
ers;
bar
elyknocki
ng.
Him-"Howar emyfavori
teparent
s?"Heasks
wit
hanani matedexpr
essiononhisface.Si
ya
walkstowardsthebedandIstayputinthe
samespot,roll
i
ngmyey es.
Steven-"Zinhl
e,I'
m sendingyouhome.I'
v e
moni t
oredy ouandI'm happywi t
hwherewe're
at.I
'l
lcomebyt hehouseev erydayorevery
otherdayjusttocheckony ou,butot
herthan
that,y
ou'regoodt ogo."
Iat
temptt
oj umpupinexci
tement
,butmyfeet
bar
elyl
i
ftoffthef
loor
,soIset
tl
eforcl
appi
ng
myhandsinexcit
ement.
IseeSiyasmi
lesl
i
ghtl
y,buthedoesn'
tseem
surpr
isedsoI
'
m surehealr
eadyknew.
Afteralmostanhourofwat chi
ngSiyapackour
belongingsint
ooursuitcases,
Ijumpupwhen
he'sfi
nallydone.Hemademechangei ntoa
dress,Iguesshe'sti
redofthesweatpants,
soI
evenappl i
edsomemascar aandli
pgloss.
We'reinthecar,onourwayhomeandSi yaand
Iaresteal
ingglancesfrom eachother.Ican'
t
waittogethomesot hatIcanactont he
feel
ingsthathavebeenl i
ngeri
ngoni nmyl ady
part
sf orweeksnow.Myey esfeelheavy
suddenly,soIsuccumbt omyf ati
gueandcl ose
them forafewmoment s.

I
'm wokenupbySi ya'
sgent l
ey etmuscular
handspat t
ingmyshoul der.Iopenmyey esand
l
ookathi m withconfusionwhi l
eItryto
famili
ari
zemy sel
fwi t
ht hesightaheadofMe.
Siyahelpsmeoutoft hecarandIst andbeside
him admiri
ngthemansi ont hatstar
esbackat
Me.
Siy
a-"Pickyourjawupf rom thef l
oor."Hesay s
ashenudgesmet owardstheimmacul ate
entr
ance.Ifl
oatbehindhi m whileinthet wil
ight
zone,unti
lhepushest hedoubl edoor softhe
entr
anceopen.Ist epin,andIstopi nmyt r
acks
whenI '
m welcomedbyf amil
iarfacest hattell
out"SURPRISE!"Inunison.Il
ookov eratSiya,
andhescoopsmeupandengul fsmei nawar m
embrace.
[
04/
19,
06:
09]Wdz:
[88]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*

Siyaeventuall
ylet'
sgoofMe, andItakeaf ew
secondstor ecuperatefrom thedizzyspel l
that
he'
senduced.OnceI 'vegatheredmy self,Ir
aise
myheadandseemymot herbeami ngi nthe
smallcrowd, al
thoughshe'sseat edanddoesn' t
l
ookl i
keherheal t
hysel f
,I'
m elated.Steven
towersbehindher ,gentl
ystrokinghershoul der
nonchalant l
y.Iscant heroom andseeaf ew
facesthatIcan' trecognizeandassumet hat
they'r
eSiy a'
sguest s.Whi l
eIexchange
pleasantr
ieswi ththeguest s,
Siyawhi sksme
awayt oasmal lcornerinthegrandf oyerandI
i
mmedi atelypounceonhi m,he'
st akenaback
from myact i
onsashet akesafewmoment sto
meetmyhungerf orhi m.WhenIf eel mysel
f
drippi
ngf rom desire,Istopandpul laway.I
i
nhal eafewdeepbr eathswit
hmyey esshut
closedthenIev ent uall
ygazeupathi s
mesmer i
zingey es.
Me-"
Youwer
esay
ing?
"
Hesoft
lychucklesandl
ickshi
ssuccul
entli
ps,
al
mosturgingmet opounceonhi
m again,
butI
pr
act
icerestr
aint.
Hi
m-"
Sodoy
oul
i
kei
t?"
Me-"Ial
waysli
keit.
"Isaywhi
lebi
ti
ngmy
bot
tom l
ipandbrushingmyhandoverhi
shar
d
member.
Siy
a'sfaceimmedi
atel
yfl
ushesandhe
suddenlycan'
tmai
ntai
neyecontactwi
thme.
Hi
m-"
Iwast
alki
ngaboutt
hehousel
ove.
"
Mycheeksheatupfrom embarrassment,
becausetheonl
ythi
ngthatconsumesmy
thought
sandemot i
onsi
ssex.St eamy,sweat
y,
dir
tysex.
Me-"
Iknow,
butIwasn'
t.
"IsayasIwi
nkathi
m.
Iseehi
sfacet
urni
ntoasl
i
ghtf
rownsoIdeci
de
tohumorhim.
Me-"
Ilov
eitbabydaddy
!Whosei
sit
?"
Hel
ooksatMe,
per
plexed.
Him-"It
houghtt
hispar
twouldki
ndofbe
obvi
ous.It
'
syours;wel
lour
s."
Me-" Ours?Sowe'r
egoi ngt
odothi
scohabi
ti
ng
thi
ngf orhowlong?"IsayasIcr
ossmyarms
acrossmychest .
Si
yai
svi
sibl
yuncomf
ort
abl
e,andIwantt
o
l
augh,
butIknowt
hati
twon'
tendwel
l
.
Me-"
Sor
ry;
hor
mones.
"Isaywi
thasl
i
ghtsmi
l
e.
Me-"It
sincr
edible!Wheny ousaidyoubought
usahouse,Iwasn' texpecti
ngapalace!The
munchkinswillmakemanymemor ieshere.
"I
sayandreachupt ogi v
ehim ahug.My
prot
rudi
ngbellymakesi timpossi
bleforusto
beinanembr acesoIset tl
eforakissonthe
cheek.

Afterourmomentt ogether
,wedeci detogo
backt oourguestsandIj ogstraightt
omy
mot her.Assoonasshehol dsmyhand, t
ears
i
nv oluntar
il
ystr
eam downmyf ace.Concerni
s
overcomesherf aceandIsmi l
eather ,
reassuringherthatI'
m happy.
Me-"
I'
vemi
ssedy
ouma.
"
Her-"
I'
vemi
ssedyout
oobaby .
"Shesay
sas
sherest
smyheadonherchest.
My"Welcomehome"par tyi
si nf
ullswingand
I'
vebeengluedtomymot her'
ship.Si
yahas
beensti
cki
ngoutlikesoret
humb, sit
ti
ngalone
andnotint
eract
ingwithanyonesoImakemy
waytowardshim.
Me-"Thankyoufort
hisamazi
ngpar
tybaby
daddy,y
ou'r
ethebest.
"
Hefr
ownsthenfazeddeepi
ntomyey
esunt
ilI
ev
entual
l
ylookaway.
Him-"Zinhl
e,ar
eyouhappy ?Thinkaboutthi
s
beforeyouanswerme.Ar eyouhappywi t
hme
andwi t
hourrel
ati
onship?Doy outhinkIl
ove
youlessbecausewe'r
enotmar r
ied.
"
Ir
oll
myey
esathi
m andsi
ghl
oudl
y.
Me-"Canwetal
kaboutt
hislat
er?"Iki
sshi
s
cheekandr
etur
ntomymot her.

Thecat
eri
ngst
affpassar
oundt
hecanapésand
mymom st
andst
omakeat
oast
.
Mom-" Eveningall,t
hanky ouf orav ai
li
ng
yourselvesfort hi
sfinal celebrati
onbef oremy
grandbabiesar ebor n.Zinhl e'
ssisterZiyanda
couldn'tbewi thusbecauseofwor kobl i
gati
ons,
butshesentherbabysi st ersomet hingspecial.
Ifwecoul dal lgodownt hehal landt akear i
ght ,
therewi l
lbepeopl et opointusi nt heright
dir
ect i
onthenwel l
all beabl etoseewhat
Ziyandahasi nstoreforherbabysi st
er."I
springupandwaddl ebehi ndev eryoneandIf eel
Siyasuppor tmyar m asIgodownt hefewst eps
thatleadtoamagni fi
centi ndoortheat r
e.My
eyesandmout hopenwi delyinaweandIpi nch
Siyainexcitement .
Oncewer eall
settl
ed,
thewhi t
escr eenemerges
betweentwomar oonvintagecurtai
ns,andsoon
aft
erZiyanda'
sfaceont hescreenwhich
i
mmedi atel
ystart
sthewat er
wor ks.
Her
-"Mybabysi
ster
,Icoul
dn'
tbemor
epr
oudof
thewomant hatyou'v
ebecome, you'v einspi
red
met obebet terandtaughtmet hatIdeser ve
bett
eraswel l.Godgiveshishar destbat tl
est o
hist
oughestshoul ders,andI'
m cer tainthatwe
canov er
comeany thi
ngnow. "Asshecont i
nued
tospeak,tearsspewoutofmyey esandmy
emot i
onstaket hebetterofme.Ibar elyhear
theremainderoft hecli
pbecauseofmyt ears,
butmyhear tf eel
swar m,seeingthatshe' sokay .

The" aaaaaaaw' s"thatfil

ltheroom makemy
cheeksf l
ushf rom cont entment .Whilewe'r
eall
enjoyingourst ayint hetheatre,recl
ini
ngont he
couchesandt akingsel fi
es,Ihearsomeone
from thei nti
mat ecr owdbl urt"who'sthat?
"I
turnar oundandr ealizethataf ewpeopl eare
stari
ngatt hescr eenandsoIf oll
owsuitandI
i
mmedi at
elyregr etmydeci si
on.
Iseeasli
deshowofphot
osofPam andSiyaon
acouch.Pam i
sly
ingonhischestandi
sinher
l
ingerieandSi yahasaf ewbut tonsi nhisshirt
unbut toned.Pi ct
ureaf terpicturepopsont othe
screen, thenextpr ovingt obemor eprovocat i
ve
thant hepr evious.Iswi ftl
ymakemywayoutof
thetheat reandwaddl ei nsear chf oraguest
bedroom wher eIcansi tdownandt rytocal l
my selfdown.IhearSi yabar kor dersfrom the
theatret oshutdownt hesy stem, andbyt henI
fi
nallyf i
ndadoor ,whichIat t
emptt opushopen,
butneedl esstosayi trequi r
esacode.Ir esort
toanopengl assdoorl eadingt othebackpat i
o,
l
eadingt ot heoutoft hiswor ldpool .
Iplonkmy selfononeoft her ecli
nerchai r
sand
focusonmybr eathi
ng,sgirtkgafterIhear
footsteps.Hiscol ognetant ali
zemynost r
il
sand
Iknowt hatit
'shi m.Hegent lysitsatt heedgeof
thechai randpl acesmyswol l
enf eetonhi slap.
Hecl earshist hroatwhilegent lystroki ngmy
feet,Stevenpr ohibit
edmef rom get tingany
massages, appar entl
ybyt ouchingapar ti
cul
ar
pressurepoi ntIcoul dgoint olabor, sono
massagesf
orme.
Siy
alookspet
ri
fi
edandhi
sexpr
essi
onhel
ps
cal
m medown.

Si
ya-"
It
'snotwhati
tlookedl
i
ke.
"
Me-"
Itnev
eri
s."
[
04/
19,
06:
10]Wdz:
[89]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*

We'v efall
eni nt
oacal mingsil
enceandI '
m
rel
ievedt hathe'snottryi
ngtof i
llmyheadwi t
h
hiswebofl i
es.Inoticetheveinsbul gefrom
eit
hersi deofhisf or
eheadashecl encheshis
j
awandst aresatthefloor.I
'
m unf azedby
anythingSy abongaNy athihastosayatt hi
s
point,andI '
m proudofmy selfforbei ngabl
eto
mai ntai
nmycomposur e.
Ifi
nal
l
ydeci
detobr
eakthesi
l
encewhenI
remembert
hatwehav
eguestst
oenter
tai
n.

Me-"Nyat hi
,ourguestsar eprobablyconfused
andlost,Ithi
nkit'
sourr esponsibi
li
tyto
enter
tai
nt hem fortheremai nderoftheevening,
thenI'
dliketoreti
re.It
hi nkyou'dagreethat
todayhasbeenr atherev entf
ul.
"Iattemptto
shif
tmyf eetoffofhislap, butheti
ghtenshis
gri
pont hem.
Hi
m-"
Zinhl
e,l
etmeexpl
ainpl
ease.
"
Me-"Wedon'
thav
eti
mef
ort
his.
"
Him-"Isentevery
onehomeandthey'
l
lgeta
carepackagetomor r
owmor
ning,sol
etsonl
y
worryaboutourselv
es."
Me-"
Worr
y?YouthinkI'
m worr
iedabouty
ou
andy
ourl
it
tl
esl
ut?"Ichuckl
esoftl
y.
Me-"
Wang'
gcinakudalabhut
i(t
hatwastheold
mebrot
her
)theonlythi
ngI'
m worr
iedabouti
s
bri
ngi ngmymunchki nsintoacalm and
peacef ul worl
d.Ift hatmeansy ouandy our
whor emov einwi thmeher eandf i
lm sext apes
until
ki ngdom comes, thensobei t
."Imov emy
feetof fhislapandst andupwi thast r
uggle.
Siyahol dsont omywai standpull
smet owar ds
him.Hi sfacerest sonmybel l
yandt he
munchki nsdecei vemeandki cktot heirfather'
s
gestur e.Iroll
myey esandjustwhenmymi nd
beginst oconjureupexcusesf orhim, Isnat ch
hishandsf rom mybodyandmar chbacki nto
thehouseandf indmymot hercuddledupona
couchbesi deSt even.Sheseemst ohav edozed
offandhehashi sey esshutwhilebr ushingher
hairwi thhisfingers.It i
ptoepastthem andgo
i
nsear chofabedr oom.Thest air
casei s
monst rousandIcan' timaginemyf atsel f
maki ngi tallt
hewayt othetop.After
attempt i
ngtoopenat l
easttwelv
edoor s,Ifi
nall
y
managet ogainent r
yintoone.
I'
m disorient
ed,becauseIdon'tevennoticethe
detai
lingoft her
oom.Idunt helightsandstri
p
asImakemywayt owardsthebed.Ifinall
y
reachi tandI'ml
eftinmyunder garments.I
reachf orthecover
sandsl i
deinside,holdi
ng
mybel ly.
Me-"Goodnightmunchki
ns,
mommyl ov
esyou."
IsayasIgentlystr
okemybell
y,dr
if
ti
ngoffi
nto
adreamlesssleep.

I'
m wokenupbyt heurgentneedt ouri
natesoI
j
umpupandmakemywayt othebathroom.
OnceI '
m done, Iheadbackint ot
hebedr oom,
butI'
m over whelmedbyhear tburn,soIgraba
toweltowr apar oundmybodyandmaket he
agonizi
ngt ri
pt othekit
chen.Ispendaf ew
minuteslooki ngforaglassoramugandaf ter
somet horoughsear ching,
Ifindoneanddr i
nk
somemi l
kf rom.
I
'
m st
art
ledbyheav
ybr
eat
hingdownmyneck
andtheglassshatt
ersint
opi
ecesonthe
ceramicfl
oor.Hi
shandsholdontomy
shoulder
sandhespi nsmearoundt
ofacehi
m.

Hi
m-"
Zinhl
e,Idi
dn'
tdoi
t.
"
Me-"Wewentov ert
hisalr
eady,I'
m not
i
nterested."IsayasIattempttowalkpasthim,
buthegr aspsont omywai standwhisksme
i
ntot heair,gent
lypl
acingmeont heki
tchen
counter.
Me-"LetmedownSy
abongaNy
athi
bef
oreI
scr
eam!"
Isayi
nast
ernv
oice.
Hi
m-"Whowi l
lhearyou?
"Hesaysashei
nches
cl
oser
,unt
ilournosesvi
rt
ual
l
ytouch.
Hi
m-"
Idi
dn'
tdoi
t.
"
Ir
oll
myey
esandbr
eat
heoutaheav
ysi
gh.
Me-"
Okay
,youdi
dn'
tdoi
t.Youwer
edr
uggedby
Pam andshetookpict
uresofthebot
hofy
out
o
makemej eal
ous.That
'sitr
ight
?"
Hi
m-"Zinhl
e,No!
"Igr
abhi
scheekssot
hatour
ey
esengage.
Me-"I
t'
sOkay ,I
'm okay,pl
easebelieveme.
Maybewe'llfi
ndourwaybackt oeachot heri
f
we'
remeantt obe, butwehaveagr eat
er
r
esponsibi
l
ityaheadofus.I nthenextfew
weeks,we'
llbecomepar ents,
let'
sfocuson
t
hat.
"
Hi
m-"Zi
nhl
e,Ilov
eyou.Il
oveyousomuch,
I
woul
dn'
tdothattoy
ou,tr
ustme.
"
Me-"Iloveyout ooNy athi,
mor et hanIshould,
butourlovehasbr oughtsucht ur moilintoour
l
ives.Ibel
ievethatthere'sanexpl anationfor
thi
swhol ePam t hi
ng,butt here'sal ways
somet hi
ngtofightfor,andal lI'
m say ingisthat
I'
mt i
redoffi
ght i
ngf ornow, Okay ?"Igivehima
softpeckonhi ssucculentl i
ps, andwi thina
second,hetransformst heki ssi ntoamor e
sultryoneashei nser t
shi sl ust f
ul tongue
bet weenmyqui veringlips.Mybodydecei ves
measIsnakemyar msar oundhi sf i
rm neck
andal lowhim mor eaccessbycl enchi ngont o
thenapeofhi sneckandenci rclingmyl egs
aroundhi storso.Thatsl i
ghtmov eaf fi
r ms
hungeri nbot hofusasheopensmyt owel ,
reveal ingmyhar denedni ppl est hroughmy
blushpi nklacebr a.Mynet herr egionsdr ipfr
om
thril
l andy earni
ngashel icksonhi st humband
i
nser tsitbeneathmyunder wearandf indsmy
pulsat ingnub.Hegent l
yr ubsi twithout
breaki ngourki ssandIi nst inct ivel
yst rokehis
rockhar dmember .Inaf lash, hehasmei nhis
armsandopensadoort hatl eadst oabedr oom.
Hegent l
yplacesmeont hebedandr ipsapar t
myf li
msyunder wear .Hedev our sev eryi nchof
mywomanhoodwi thhist alent edt ongueunt il
myl egsspasm f rom t hepeakofecst asy
releasedf r
om mybody .Si yal ower shi sj eans
alongwi thhisbrief sandhi smonst erspr ingsup.
Hei
nchest
owar
dsmeandIshi
ftbackwar
ds.
Me-"
Pleasedimt heli
ght
s."Isayandhel
ooks
atMewithcontusion.
Me-" Please. "Ipl eadwi t
hhim andher eplaces
hi
sj eanandgoesi nsearchfortheremot e.I
div
ei nt hecov ersandcl osemyey esfora
moment .Isuddenl yfeeli
nsecureasPam' s
bodyi nt hosepi cturesfl
ashesinmymi nd.I
hearfoot stepsdr awcl oserandIemul ateasof t
snore.Hesi ghsheav i
lyandcuddlesbehindMe.
Shortlyaf terwar dsIhearhi sprominentsnor e
andIf inal l
ybr eatheasi ghofreli
ef.

*
*ZI
YANDA*
*

I'
vebeeninthi
sfaci
li
tyforawhil
enow, andI
canfinal
l
ysaythatI'
vebegunmyj our
neyto
heal
ing.Thepai
nandt hehat
redthatI'
vebeen
carr
yingfort
hebulkofmylif
eisn'
thealthy
,not
emot i
onall
y,physicall
ynorment all
y.I'
vealways
viewedmy selfasast rongbl ackwoman
becauseIexper i
encedsuchahar sht r
agedy
thatbecamemyr ealit
y ,notr eali
zi
ngt hatas
muchpowerasmysi tuat i
onhadov ermeback
then,i
thasr esonatedi ntomyadul thoodaswel l
.
Ihaddeemedmy selfunl ovable,becauseIwas
sodamagedandsoev eni nmyr elati
onships
andfriendshipsIalway sf eltthatIhadtopr ov
e
mywor t
h.

I'
vehadtodel vedeepintomypastandev oke
emot i
onsthatIthoughtIhadbur iedandI '
m
proudofmycommi t
menttot hepr ogram.My
supportsystem hasalsobeeni ncredi
ble,my
family
,Brandonandmyunf ortunateencounter
withPatri
ckisnowanot herloadt hatIhaveto
carryonmyback.Howev erIcan'twaittogo
backhomeandmeetmynephewsorni eces.
I'
ml yi
ngonmybedandt ry
ingtofal
lasl
eep
afteralongdayofgr
oupacti
vi
ti
esandIhear
hisfootstepsdr
awcl
osertot
hebed.
Me-"Br
andon"Isaywit
hmybacksti
ll
faci
ng
hi
m.Ihearhi
mr idhi
sshoesandsl
i
deintobed
besi
deme.
Br
andon-"
Howdi
dyouknow?
"
Isoft
lychuckl
easheenci
rcl
esmywai
stwi
th
hiswarm hands.
Me-"
You'
ret
heonl
yonet
hatv
isi
tsmei
nmy
r
oom."
Him-"
Real
l
y?ThenwhatwasPat
ri
ckdoi
ngi
n
heret
heot
herday
?"
[
04/
19,
06:
11]Wdz:
[90]

*
*ZI
YANDA*
*

Myhear
tpal
pit
atesasBr
andon'
shandgr
ips
ontomyneck,atf
irstwit
haf eather
li
tetouch,
whichsoont
urnsintoanaggr essi
veone.Ishi
ft
myupperbodyawayf rom hi
m, buthisgri
p
ti
ghtens.
Me-"Braaann.
..
Brandon,you'
rehurti
ngme."I
saywhilepanti
ngforair
.Heseemst osnapout
ofhistr
anceashesnakeshi slegaroundmi ne
andremov eshi
snowt remblinghandfrom my
neck.Hesnugglesmef rom behi
ndashe
att
empt stogai
ncomposur e.
Brandon-" Yanda,
I'
m sosorry
.I'
vejustgrownso
fondofy ouandIwouldn'
tsurvi
vebetray
alfr
om
you, especial
l
yifi
thasanythi
ngtodowi thmy
father."
Atearescapesmyey eashespeaksandIknow
howitfeelstobedecei v
edbysomeoney ou
tr
ust,andI'
v eneverwantedt oinfl
i
ctpainoft hat
magnitudeonany one,butIalreadyhav e.I'
ve
betr
ayedBr andon,andasIr eleasesecretsI'
ve
buri
edf oryears,
thispar
ticul
arsecr etwil
lmost
pr
obabl
ybet
heonet
ohi
ndermypr
ogr
ess.
Me-" Hol
dme. "Iwhi spertohim andhecloses
t
hei nchgapbet weenus.It urnmybodyar ound
t
of acehim andr estmyheadonhi schest.I
t
racepatternsonhi st or
so,unti
lhefall
sasleep,
t
henIdr i
ftofftosleepwi thaheav yheart
.

I'
m wokenupbyt healarmi nthemor ning,alone
i
nbed.Br andonusual l
yl eavesatt hecr ackof
dawnt opr eventanydi scriminati
onagai nstme
bythestaf fandot herpat i
entsdur i
ngmor ni
ng
checks.Mor ni
ngchecksar ecompul sor yand
i
ntenseatt i
mes.Theyent ailadoct orornur se
(dependingont hesev erityofone'ssi t
uation)
perfor
mi ngat hor oughcheckt hr
oughoursui t
es,
toensuret hatwewer e"saf e"duri
ngt henight.
Thisisfollowedbyat hir
t ymi nut
e" talk"about
anydream orni ghtmar ewecoul dhav e
experi
encedandt hensomemedi tation.
Therefore,ifBrandonwer etobef oundi nbed
wit
hme, I
'
dprobablybesentt
osolit
ary
confi
nementorsomethi
ngsimil
ar.

Aftermymor ningcheck,
I'm exci
tedtobegin
withtheacti
vit
iesahead,Ifeelmysel
fslowly
becomet hewomanI 'veyearnedtobefory ear
s,
andit'
sprimari
lyduetofullschedul
eatt hi
s
facil
i
ty.
Ther estofthedaygoesasexpect ed,andafter
dinner,Ir
eti
ret omyr oom wher eItakea
scorchingshower .Iwrapaf l
uffywhi tetowel
aroundmybodyandwal kt
owar dsmybed.I
plonkmy selfoni tandst ar
eatt hecei l
ingdeep
i
nt houghtaboutt heothernightwi thPatri
ck,
andt heworstpar tisbeingint hedar kasto
whatr eal
lyhappenedt hatevening.Iclosemy
eyest odelv
edeeperi nanat temptt or emember,
butmymomenti sinterr
uptedbysomeone
cl
ear i
ngtheirthroat .Myeyesshootopenand
whenIseehi mt owerov ermeatt hef ootofMy
bed,Icl
enchont
omyt
owel
andshi
ftmybody
backwards.
Pat
ri
ck:
"Zi
yanda.
"Hesay
sinhi
svoi
cet
hat
commandsatt
ent
ion.
Me-"Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?"Iaskasmy
voi
cebetr
aysmeandcomesoutasawhisper
.
Him-"Roundt wo? "Hesaysasheunbuckleshi
s
belt
.Ispringoffthebedandheadforthedoor,
buthegr absholdofmyt owelandthr
owsi t
acrosstheroom.I 'mlef
tshel
l
shockedand
starknakedinfrontofanamusedPat r
ickwho
i
nchescl osert
owar dsme.
Ideci
detoconceal
anygli
mmeroff
earand
cl
osethegapbetweenus.
Me-"WhatdoyouwantPat
ri
ck?
"Iaskt
hrough
gr
it
tedteet
h.
Him-"Darl
ing,whysoshynow?Youwer e
scr
eami ngfrom pl
easurewhenIwasbal
lsdeep
i
ny outheothernight
."Hesayswit
hout
br
eaki
ngey
econt
act
.
Itakeafewstepsbackwar
dsi
nshockandgasp
atwhatIjusthear
d.
Me-"
Whatar
eyout
alki
ngabout
?"
Him-"Nowy ou'
regoingt
ot el
lmet hatyoudon'
t
remember?Youwer eawomanpossessedt hat
night
,whoknewy ouhadsuchawi l
dside?"He
saysashest r
okesthesideofmycheek.I
winceandtakeaf ewshortst
epsbackwar dsas
Ifeelt
hewallscaveinonme.Pat r
ickmarches
towardsmeandl ooksatmei nconfusi
on.
Him-"I
'mleavingnow, callmewhentheot her
Ziy
andaisback."Wit
ht hatheleavesmyr oom
andbangsthedoorshutbehi ndhim.Isl
ide
ontot
hefloorandtrytor egul
atemybreathing
asIqui
veruncontrol
lablyonthefl
oor.

Iwakeupinthemorni
ng,i
nmybedand
dressedi
nlongf
luf
fypyj
amas,
clenchedont
o
mykneest hatar etouchi ngmychest .Ist retch
mybodyandheadt ot hebat hroom f ora
shower .Ist ayint heshowerast hescor ching
hotwat ercascadesdownmybackwhi l
eI
attemptt opi ecet oget herthemy st er
ypuzzl e
regardingPat r
ick.Thet rut
hi sthatIdon' t
rememberany thingt hatni ght,Ionl yremember
waki ngupi nt hemi ddl eoft heni ghttoPat rick
sitt
ingatt hef ootofMybed, staringatme.I
rememberhi m standi ngup, pickinguphi scoat
andwi nkingatmebef or eleavingmyr oom.
That '
sal lther ecol l
ectionIhav efrom t hatni ght.
Ileavet heshowerandwal ktomybedr oom t o
getdr essed.Af tertheusual morni ngcheckI
decidet oheadt ooneoft hef emal edoct ors
thatI'vegr owncl oset o.

Ov eranhourl
aterIreemer gefrom t
hedoctor
's
room andMar chtowardsmi ne.AssoonasI
closethedoorbehindme, IIsli
deontothefl
oor
againsti
t,cov
eringmyf acewithmyt rembl
i
ng
hands.Ii
nhaleaf ewdeepbreathsandcrawl
to
mybed.Ir eplayi
nmyheadwhatt hedoct
or
sai
dandat earescapesasIthi
nkofthe
possi
bil
it
ies.
Hy pnosi sisoneoft hemethodsusedatt his
facili
tytodelv edeeperint
oapat i
ent'semotions,
andsot appingi nt
oone'ssubconscioustofull
y
treatthef earswear en'
tevenawar eof.These
hy pnotherapysessionsusuallyoccurinour
rooms, asthat'swherewef eelt
hemost
comf ortable.
Soint hemi dafternoon,thedoct orcameand
west artedwithourhy pnot herapy,Ifelli
ntoa
hypnosist r
anceandt hedoct orstruggled
bri
ngingmebackf rom it
.Iev entuallydidcome
toandcont inuedwi thther estofmyday .The
doctorjustinfor
medmet hatmyr eluctanceto
comeoutofmyhy pnosist rancewoul dmakei t
easi
erf ormet obet r
iggeredbacki ntoone,
simplybyonet r
iggerwor d.
Mybestguessi sthatIhear datri
ggerwor dand
fellbacki nt
oat rance,that'
sprobablywhen
Patrickcameov eranddi dLordknowswhatt o
me, hencewhyIhav enor ecol
lect
ionofwhat
happenedbet weenPat r
ickandI.Allofthefil
th
thatI'v
ewor kedsohar dononscr ubbingof f
my self,hasjustcreptbackonme, t
enfold.I
'v
e
betrayedt hemant hatithi
nkIloveandI '
v e
sleptwit hhisfat
her ,andIcan'
tev enremember
i
t.

[
04/
19,
06:
11]Wdz:
[91]

*
*ZI
YANDA*
*

Iwakeupthefoll
owi ngmor
ning,withthe
weightoft
hewor l
donmyshoul ders.The
achingpai
nthatIfeeli
nmyheart,aler
tsme
thatthePatri
cksagaismyr eali
tyand
unf or
tunat
elyi
twasn'
tjustaterri
fyi
ng
nightmare.Tear
swellupinmyey esasan
i
mageofBr andonsurf
acesinmymi ndandI
thinkofthehatr
edthathewi l
lsoonpossess
towar dsme.
Aft
erafewmi nutesofst
ari
ngatt
hecei
l
ing,
I
endmypitypartyandgetst
art
edonmy
morni
ngrouti
ne.

Duringtheday ,
Itrytooccupymy selfwithas
manyact iv
iti
esandconv ersati
onsaspossi bl
e,
i
nanat t
emptt omi ni
mi zethinki
ngabout
Brandon.Iknowt hatseei nghimisi nevi
tabl
e
andaspar tofmyheal ingpr ocess,keeping
secretsshouldbeat hingoft hepast .
Asbedtimeloomscloser,mymoodchangesto
asombr eoneasIbracemy sel
fforBr
andon'
s
react
iontomydevastati
ngnews.I'
m donewit
h
habdubgoverther
eignstomyl i
fetoanot
her
per
son,Idi
dthatwi
thBhekumuzi,andI'
l
lbe
damnedifIgi
vePatr
ickthatmagnit
udeof
poweroverme.Pat
ri
ckhasaper ver
senatur
eto
hi
m andI'
m notany
one'spuppet
.

I'
mt helastpat i
enttoret
reattot hei
rroom andif
Icouldstaylongerinthecommunal l
ivingroom,
Iwouldhowev erI'
m notspoiltf
orchoi ce
curr
entl
y .Afterashortshower ,Ichangeintoa
onesie,
I'm notinthemoodf oranymant oogle
mybody ,andthatincl
udesBr andon.Icur l
my
bodyonceI '
mi nbedandmykneesr estonmy
chest.
Me-"Givemest rengthLor d."IwhisperasIhear
mydoorknobt ur n,
indicati
ngsomeone' sentry.I
knowi mmediatelythatit
'shi m assoonasIget
awhiffofhisseduct i
vecol ogne.Myey esar e
ti
ghtl
yshutasIhearhi sshoesl andont hef l
oor,
swift
lyfol
l
owedbyot heritemsofcl othing.He
sl
idesinandwr apshi sarmsandl egsar ound
mybody,
whi
lemybacksti
l
lfaceshi
m.He
gi
vesmeasoftki
ssont
hecheekandti
ght
ens
hi
shol
donme.
Him-"
Yanda!
"Hesaysashisbreat
hti
ckl
est
he
hai
rsonthenapeofmyneck.
Me-"
BrandonIwhi
sperback.
Him-"Ineedtoseeyourfacebabe."Isigh
heavi
lyandslowl
yturnmybodyt of acehim.I
can'
tbaretogazeint
ohi seyes,
soIr estmy
faceonhischesti
nstead.Heholdsont othe
backofmyheadandIhearhi minhalemyscent.
Him-" Assoonasy ou'r
einmyarms, al
lofthe
stressjustmel t
saway .You'r
emycalm place
andIf eelmy selff
all
i
ngdeeperforyouevery
day .
"Hesay sinmyear .Myhear
timmediatel
y
poundst hroughmychestandIswal lowa
growingl umpi nmyt hroat
.
Me-"
Brandon,
I.
."
Hi
m-"
Sssshhh,
pleaseIneedt
osayt
his.
"He
say
sashest
rokesmyhai
rwi
thhi
sfi
nger
s.
Him-" IthoughtIknewwhatl ov eis,buty ou
cameal ongandi nciner at
edanyi deasofwhatI
thoughtl ovei s.Unbeknownstt oy ou,yoube
taughtmesomuchaboutmy selfandl ifei n
general .Yout rul
yhav enoi nklingi deawhata
phenomenal womany ouar e.Yoursmi lel i
ghts
upar oom, andseei ngy oulaughbr i
ngst earsof
j
oyt omyey es.If elli
nl ovewi thy oursoul ,and
I'
vehear dpeopl esayt hisandIf i
gur edt hatit
wasj ustgi bber i
sh, butIknownowt hatt here'
s
nogr eat erfeel i
ng.IguesswhatI 'mt ryi
ngy o
sayist hatIl ovey ou, andt helov eIhav ef oryou
i
sf ri
ght ening.I 'vebeenbet rayedanddecei ved
i
nt hepast ,butIt rusty ouwi t
hmyl i
feandI
knowt haty oursoul i
st oopur e.Igi vey oumy
heart,it'
sf ragi l
eandi nneedofsomeext racare,
butit'
sy ours.Compl etelyyour s.Iknowt hatthi
s
i
sal ott odi gestandt hisissel fi
shofMe, butif
you'l
lhav eme, I'
dl ovet obey ourpar t
ner
exclusiv ely
."
Me-"Br
andon.
."Isayasatearescapesmyright
ey
e.Helif
tsmychinwithhisfor
efi
ngerand
ki
ssesmycheek.
Him-"I'
m sor ryforspr i
ngi
ngt hisonyou.Shit,
I'
m sorry.Let'
sj ustsleep.
"Hesay sashepul l
s
meev encl osert ohim.Ifeel hi
sheartthudding
againsthismuscul archest.Idecidethatit
's
ti
me, butI'
dr atherhav ehim becomf ortabl
e
whenhehear st henewsatl east.
Me-"
Massage?
"Hemoansandt
urnst
olayon
hi
sst
omach.
Hi
m-"Andyoucont
inuet
omakemef
all
inl
ove
wi
thy
ou."
Ist
raddl
ehisbackandbeginwit
hmyamateur
Massage.HemoansandIt aket
hatasa
posi
ti
vesignandsoIcont
inue.
Afewmomentslat
erIi
nhal
eadeepbr
eat
hand
cl
earmydr
ythr
oat.
Me-"
Brandon,
yourf
atherandIsl
eptt
oget
her
.
I
'm sosor r
y,Iwasn'tful
lyconsci ouswheni t
happened,butIdon'twantourr elat
ionshipt
o
bebuiltonlies.Pl
easetellmet hatwecanmov e
pastthis.
"Isayinahur ry.Itakeaf ewdeep
breat
hsi nandanticipat
ehi sresponse, but
nothi
ng.
Ijumpoffhi
m andpathi
sshoul derandcomet o
thereal
i
zati
onthatBr
andonisfastasleep.His
l
ipspoutsli
ght
lyashi
ssoftsnor esecho.Ij
ump
backint
obedandsnugglebesidehim.

*
*BRANDON*
*

Aft
erablissfulev
eni ngwithZiyanda,Ihead
backhomei njovi
al spir
it
s.I'm sur
pri
sedt ofi
nd
myfatherinmyki tchen,helpi
nghimselft oa
cupofcoffee.Igreetandmakemyway
upst
air
s,butmyf at hert
ugsonmyshoul der
.
Hi
m-"
How'
sourgi
rl
fr
ienddoi
ng?
"Heaskswi
th
asmi
rk.
Me-"
Pat
ri
ck,
Idon'
thav
eti
mef
ort
his.
"
Hechuckl
essar
cast
ical
l
y.
Him-"
I'
m guessi
ngtonighti
smyni ght
,si
nce
youwerewit
hherlastnight
."Ichar
geforhi
m
andgr
abholdofhisneck.
Me-"Zi
yandaismineandmi
neal
one.
"Isay
t
hroughgri
tt
edteeth.
Hi
m-"Iwi
shonedayt
obeasniev
easyouson.
"
Hepat
smycheekandwhi
stl
eshi
swayout.
Itakeaqui ckshowerandl oti
oni nmyroom, at
thatmomentInot iceanenv elopeposit
ionedon
mybed.Igr abtheenv elopeandnot i
ceaphot o
i
nside.Itakeaf ewst epsbackwhenIsee
Ziyandali
plockingmyf atheri
nt hephoto.My
handsstartt otr
embl eandmybodyper spi
red
whilemyhear tr
ateincreases.Iletoutaloud
scream asIt earthephot oint
oshr eds.
[
04/
19,
06:
11]Wdz:
[92]
*
*BRANDON*
*

I'
vebeenpaci ngmyr oom foralmostanhour
nowi nanat temptt ostabil
izemyangerand
frustr
ation,butI'v
ef ail
eddismal l
y.Myheart
phy si
callyachesandIdon' tthi
nkI'l
lsur
viv
ethis
hear t
break.Iwantt ogiveZiyandathebenefi
tof
thedoubt ,butther e'
snof athomable
explanationtoexpl ainwhatwashappeni ngin
thephot o.Igetdr essedinsweat pantsanda
l
oosesweat erandheadf ormyl i
quorcabi
net,
wher eIdr i
nkal ongsi pfrom abottl
eofcognac.
Igrabmycarkey sandmaket hepainstaking
j
our neytoZi yanda'
sfacil
it
y.Istopont hesi de
ofther oadonmywayt here,becauseIf eelmy
heartgivinginast heroadbecomesabl urfrom
thet ear
st hathavewelledupi nmyey es.
Me-"NotZi
yanda.
"Iwhi
spert
omy sel
f,butI
'
m
unabl
etoconvi
ncemymi ndt
hat
.
Ijumpbacki ntomyj aguarandspeedt othe
facili
ty.OnceI'minthepar ki
nglot,It
ryto
conv i
ncemy selft
oturnar oundandconf ront
Ziyandaonl ywhenmyangerhassubsi ded,but
bef or
eIcanst opmy self
,If i
ndmy sel
fbarging
i
nt oherr oom.She'sst ar
tledt oseemeasshe' s
wr appedi nashorttowel ,
butherf rownsoon
turnstoexci t
ementasshej ogstowardsme
andat tacksmewi t
honeofherwar m hugs.
Her -"Br
andy"shesays;t
hat
'soneofher
nicknamesf orme.Herhappymoodaddsfuel
tothef i
reasshewr apsmyarmsaroundher
petitewaist
.
Her-"TowhatdoIowet hepleasure?"She
whispersinmyearandIf eelmy selfget
aroused.Isnatchherarmsfrom aroundmy
neckandpushheragai nstthenear estwal
l
.She
yell
soutinpainandlooksatmei nconfusi
on,
hersweetf acebri
ngstear
st omyey es.
Her
-"Br
andon?
"Shei
nchest
owar
dsmewi
th
concernwri
ttenonherfaceasshecupsmy
faceinhergentl
ehands.
Iwri
ngmyri
ghthandar
oundherneckasshe
gaspsf
orai
r.
Me-"
Howcoul
dyou?Howcoul
dyou?
"
Her
-"Whaa..
.whaaat
?"Shesay
swhil
egaspi
ng
f
orairandholdi
ngontomyhand.
Me-"Yousleptwit
hHim,yousl
eptwi
thmy
f
ather!
"Iseehereyesl
osecont
actwi
thmeand
f
eelhertearssoakmyhand.
Me-"Denyit!Ziyanda,j
usttel
lmey
oudi dn'
tdo
i
t!Pl
ease!"Ipleadwi t
hher.Myworstf
ear
comestrueasshespeaks.
Her-"
I..
.I
'm..
.soooorr
rry
yyy!
"Shecr i
esout.I
rel
easeherneckf rom mygripandshetopples
ontothefloorpanti
ngforai
r.Itakeafewsteps
backasshecoughsuncont r
oll
ablyandher
towelfl
iesoffofherbody,l
eavinghernaked
bodyrevealed.
Shecrawl
stowar
dsmeandIsi
tonherbed.She
kneel
sbefor
emeandgr
ipsmyknees.
Her
-"i
can.
."
Me-"
Expl
ain?
"
Shenodsslowl
yasInoti
ceherbodybecome
l
imp.Iscoopherupandgent
lypl
aceheront
he
bed.
Me-" Saveit
!You'rej
ustl
ikeYv et
teandev er
y
otherbitchrunni
ngaround.Hopet heytr
eatthat
shitheretoo."Shecr
ieslouderwithever
ywor d
thatleavesmymout h.
Her-"
Please.Let'
sgotot
hedoct
or,
she'
l
l
expl
ain.Hypno..
me..
him.
..
"
Ist
raddl
eherandst
roket
hesi
deofherf
ace
wit
hmyt humb.
Me-"Soy ouwerelaughingatever
ythi
ngIsai
d
toyoulastnight
?Inyourlit
tl
epuppet?Iwant
ed
togiv
ey outhewor l
d,butyoufuckmyfather
befor
ewewer eeveninti
mate?That'
swhatyou
careabout?Sex?That'
swhatyour
espondto?
You'r
eacheapsl ut
!Fuckmethenwhore!
"I
shoutasIplacehertr
embli
nghandonmyhard
member .
Me-"Dowhatyoudobest .
"Shegazesi
ntomy
eyesandsobssi
lent
ly.Ij
umpoffthebedand
punchint
othewall
.
Me-"Fuckt
his.
"IsayasIopent
hedoorand
bangiscl
osedbehindme.

*
*ZI
YANDA*
*

Brandonleaves, althoughIt r
ytocalloutfor
Him, myvoicef all
sshor tofleavingmyv ocal
cords.I
'
ml eft,grippingont othesheetsasIt r
y
tostabi
li
zemybr eathing.Brandonwas
undoubtedlyfurious, butaboveany t
hingelse,
hewasdi sappoi ntedandhur t
.
Af
tergat
her
ingmy
sel
f,Igetdr
essedandmar
ch
t
oDoct
orSar
ah'
sof
fi
ce.
Ibar
gei
nwithoutknocki
ngandl
ockt
hedoor
behi
ndme.
Sarahi saboutmymot her
'sage,halfCaucasi
an
andhal fIt
ali
an.She'sthedoctorthatI'
vebeen
abletof ul
lyconfi
deinandshe' salsoassumed
theroleofcaregiverwhenitcomest ome.She
haschi l
drenthatareinmyagegr oup,soshe
sawmeasanhonor ar
ydaught er
.She's
technicall
yDrSarahDol or
esEsposi t
o,butI
settl
ewi thSarah.
Sar
ah-"
Ziy
anda,
what
'
swr
ongmybaby
?"
BeforeIcanspeak,
myemot ionsgetthebett
er
ofmeandIsobi ntoSarah'
sarms.Afterwhat
feel
slikehour
sofcryi
ng,If
inall
yfeel
readyto
arti
cul
atewhatIneedfr
om Sarah.
Me-"
Sar
ah,
Ineedt
oaskf
oraf
avorpl
ease.
"
Her
-"Any
thi
ngbaby
."
Me-"
Someonet
ookadv
ant
ageofmewhenI
sli
ppedi
ntoahy
pnosi
str
anceaf
terIhadcome
to.
"
Her
-"Di
oMi
o!Whathappened?
"
Me-"I'
dprefernott
ogoi nt
odet ai
laboutwhat
happened,butIwaswonderingifyoucouldput
meunderagai nsothatIcantapintomy
subconsci
ousandr emember .
"
Her
-"Zi
yanda,
I.
."
Me-"Pl
ease,
Ineedtodothi
s."Ipl
eadwhi
l
e
gr
ippi
ngontoherhand.
Her
-"When?
"
Me-"Nowplease.
"Shesi
ghsheavi
l
yand
nudgesmetowardsthedoor
.Wearri
veatmy
room andIl
ayonmybedwhi l
eSar
ahpull
sa
chai
randsit
sbesideme.
Her
-"Ready
?"
Inodwi
thmyey
est
ight
lyshut
.
Afteragr uel
li
nghour,SarahandIhuggoodbye
asshel eavesmyr oom.I'mleftt
omyown
thoughtsasmymi ndraceswithmemoriesof
thenightwi t
hPatr
ick.Iretr
eattomybedafter
l
ockingt hedoor.
Ij
umpi nt
obedandpul
lthecov
ersov
ermy
head.
Me-"Br
andon,I
'
m sososorry
."IwhisperasI
soakmypil
lowwit
hmyriveroftear
s.

Aft
eranagoni zi
ngfewdaysofattempti
ngto
getholdofBrandon,t
onoavail
,hefinal
ly
answershisphone.I'
vehadt
obr i
bethesecuri
ty
guardsevery
dayjusttouset
heirphones.
Br
andon-"
What
?"
Me-"Hi,it
'sme.
"Isayinasoftv
oice.Myheart
thudsthroughmychestassoonasIhearhis
sil
kyvoice.
Hi
m-"
Ziy
anda,
whatdoy
ouwant
?"
Me-" Pleasecomeovertoday,Ineedtot
alkt
o
you.Theny oucantur
ny ourbackonmeand
neverlookback."Hesuchaheav il
yandcl
ears
histhroat.
Hi
m-"
Fine.
"Hesay
sfi
nal
l
y,t
henhangsup.

I'
m anxiousther
estoft
hedayandasbedt i
me
approaches,mybodyperspir
essoIt
ake
anothershowertocool
of f
.Iwrapmywetbody
i
nat owel andwalkt
owardsmybed.I'
m
stoppedinmyt r
ackswhenIseeBrandonsi
tti
ng
atthefootofmybed.
Me-"
Brandon.
"IsayasIi
nchcl
oser
.
Het
il
tshisheadtofacemeandIr
eal
i
zet
hat
t
her
e'snoemotiononhisf
ace.
Hi
m-"I
'm her
e,t
alk.
"Hesay
swi
thr
aised
ey
ebr
ows.
[
04/
19,
06:
12]Wdz:
[93]
*
*ZI
NHLE*
*

Icansaf elysayt hatI'm ex hausted,both

phy si
call
yandemot i
onal l
y .Carryi
ngar oundthe
weightoft wohumanbei ngsi nmyabdomen
getsmor ediffi
cultanduncomf ort
ablebyt he
day .I
'
v ebecomeani nvalidandi t'
snol onger
cute.Basict asksar evirt
ual l
yimpossi bleto
perform andunf ortunatelyIknowt hatt he
foll
owi ngstagei sbeingaf ullti
memom,
sleepingandr elaxingwi l
l beav erydistant
memor y.

Mymot herhasmovedintotheguesthouse
hereinthenewhouse.Siyawor kedhar dat
convincinghert
omov ein,andaf terreali
zi
ng
thatitwouldbeamorepr acticalsoluti
on,she
obli
ged.Siyahir
edafull
ti
menur sef orher,
Stevenisalwaysar
oundsoshe' swel lt
aken
careof.Mom wasalsosway edwhenSi yatol
d
herthatI'
dneedherar oundsincehe'dbe
mov i
ngout ,aconv ersat i
onwhichhedi dn'
thave
wit
hmepr ior.SoSi y amov edbackintothe
penthouseandI '
m stucki nthi
spalace.Ican'
t
l
ieandsayt hatIwaspl easedwithhisdecisi
on
toleave,becauseIassumedt hatwe'dhavea
l
engt hyconv ersati
onr egar di
ngournextstepas
afami l
y,butasal way sSi y
a'sopi
nionistheonly
onet hatmat ters.It
'shi sworldandIjustli
vein
i
t.
I'
m gl
adt hatmymot herhasn'tconf
ront
edme
aboutthefil
ththatever
yonesawi nthemovi
e
theat
retheotherday.Ithinkshesensesmy
sombrespi r
it
,anddoesn'twanttoaddfuel
to
thefi
reandI '
m grat
efulforthat
.

WhileSiyai
saway,I'
vedeci
dedtooccupymy
ti
mef ul
lysoastonotdwellonthenegati
ve
aspectsofmyli
fe.Lastni
ght,
Icri
edmy sel
fto
sl
eepbecauseIjustmissedmysister
,I'
vetr
ied
contacti
ngherbuttonoav ail
,soI'm holdi
ng
ontohopeandf ait
hthatshe'l
lcomeback
renewedandhappy .I'
m spr
awl edont hecouch
halfnakedwhileIgetmypregnancybump
moul ddone.Thesoluti
oniscoldand
uncomf or
tabl
e,butI'
m exci
tedt oseet heend
product.
Ast hesolutiondries,theladyassisti
ngme,
wriggl
esitof fgent l
y.Ilookaroundf ormyr obe
thatIhadpl acedonanear bycouch, butIdon'
t
fi
ndi t
.I'
mi nterr
upt edbysomeonecl earingtheir
throat
.Iclosemyey esinembar rassmentand
makeadi smal attemptt oconceal mybr easts
andmyf l
abbyt highs.
Siy
a-"Lookingforthis?
"Hewhi spersi
ntomy
earwhilestandi
ngcloselybehindme.Wi t
hout
l
ookingathi m,Igrabtherobefrom hi
sgrasp
andthrowont omyhal fnakedbody.Ieventual
ly
tur
ntof acehim whenIf eel
thatI'
m decentto
dosoandhest aresbackatmei namusement .
Me-"
Siy
abonga,
whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?"
IaskasIpl
acemyhandonmywi
dehi
p.
Him-"Hi Zinhl
e,I'
mf i
net hanksforaski
ng.Igot
areportthatsomest rangerwasi nourhouse
soIrushedov er
."Ir
aisemyey ebr
owsathim
andpushpastt oseet heladyout.Iwal
kback
i
ntothel oungetoadmi r
emymoul dtofi
ndSiya
i
nspectingi t
.
Him-"
Whatisthi
snow?"Hesayswi
tha
humorousconf
usedexpr
essi
ononhi
sface.
Me-"It
'smybell
ymould.
"Isaywi
thasmil
e.He
chuckl
esloudl
yandv
barrowshi
seyes.
Hi
m-"Whyisi
tsobi
g?"Hesay
sinbet
ween
l
aughi
ng.
If
eelmyhear tr
ateincreaseasIf
eel
adagger
pi
ercethroughi
t.Tearswellupi
nmyeyesas
hi
sstatementremindsmeofPam andher
i
ncredi
blebody.
Me-"
Wel
l
,I'
m sur
ethat
'swhathappenswhen
you'
recar
ryi
ngtwohumanbodiesimplantedby
you.
"IsayasIwipeat
earthathasescaped.I
snat
chmymoul dandmarchtowardsmyr oom,
l
eavi
ngSiyacal
li
ngaft
erme.
Afterknocki ngonmybedr oom doorf oralmost
anhour ,hefinall
ygivesupandIhearhi s
footstepsashel eaves.Ihuf fl
oudlyasIr eplay
Siya'sfoolishstatementandIdeci det opl ay
somemusi conmyl aptopi nanattemptt oz one
outal lnegativethought s,andsoIpl aysome
oldRi hanna; "
ponder eplay".Ibobmyheadt o
themusi cunt i
lIcomeacr ossanemai l
regardingapr act
icalthatseemst obet oday .I
l
ookatt het i
me, anditst artsinfi
ft
eenmi nutes.
Ijumpof fmybedandgr abashor tsleeved
j
er seydressandsl i
piton.Igr abmybagand
phoneandcal lacab.
Iarr
iveatmypr acti
cal
,afewminuteslateand
ever
yone'seyesareimmediatel
ygluedtome,
thewhale.Iwouldn'
thaveother
wiseattended,
butI'
m onaf asttr
acktofai
li
ngthi
smodul e,so
Ineedal lthehel pIcanget .Thepr act ical
cont i
nueswi thaf ewgl ancesf rom myf ellow
classmat es, butIbr ushitof f .Af ewmoment s
i
nt ot hepr act i
cal,ashor tcr amppi ercest hrough
myabdomenandImanaget obr eathet hrough
i
twhi lecont i
nuingwi thmywor kathand.Af tera
whi l
eofsi tting,Idecidet ost andandst retchmy
l
egs, whenanot hercrampst rikes.Ideci denot
toriski tthi stimear ound, soIexcusemy self
fr
om t her estoft hepr acti
cal andhaul acab.I
noticeal mostadozenmi ssedcal l
sf rom Si ya
andIdeci det oheadt ohisof ficewhenIcal l
himt onoav ail
.Iarri
veathi sof fi
cecompl ex
andpunchi noneoft henumer ouscodesonmy
phone.Il andont het opf l
oorwher ehisof fi
ceis
andIwaddl etowar dshi sdoor .Iballmyhand
upi ntoaf isttoknockonSi y a' sdoor, but
anot hershar ppai npiercest hr oughandI
accident allypusht hrought hedoor ,losingmy
balance.
Si
ya-"
Zinhl
e!"Ihearhi
m shoutf
rom acr
osst
he
room.Ir aisemyheadandr ealizeaf
ewmen
dressedi nsuitsseatedacrossf r
om hi
m.Isee
countlesspai r
sofey esstareatmeasIpantfor
air
.Istraightenmy selfandclearmythroat
,
whileIcur vemyl i
psintoaf akesmil
e.
Me-"Sorry
..I'
m sorrytodi sturb.Si yabonga, a
momentpl ease?"Isayt hroughgr i
ttedteeth.I
turnonmyheel andwal kt owar dst hedoor
whereIwaitforhim out side.Ist andagai nstthe
doorandhearSi yaexcusehi msel f
,atthat
momentIhearscr eechingont het il
edf l
oor
from apai
rofheel s.Iraisemyheadandsee
noneotherthanPam i nt heshor testdress
knownt oman.
Sheeyesme, uni
mpressedandIfeel
insecur
e
wit
houtanymakeupandbei ngt
hesizeofan
ei
ghteenwheeler
,whi
leshehasi
mmacul atel
y
appl
iedmakeup.
Pam-"I
sSiy
ain?Heaskedt
oseemet oday
."
Shesayswi
thasmuglookonherf
ace.
Ipushpastherandwaddl eintheopposite
dir
ecti
on.Iheadfortheelevat
or,butbeforeI
reachit
,Ifeel
li
quidsplashontothefloorandI
real
izethatmythi
ghsar esoaked.
Me-" Shi
t!"Isayinapani
c.Itur
nandIseeSiy
a
runningtowar dsme.Helooksatmewith
concernwr it
teninhi
seyesandubursti
nto
tears.
Me-"Youjusthadtochoosetoday?I'
m goi
ngto
remembermybabi esbi
rthdateasthedayI
caughtyoufortheumpteent
htimewithyour
whore!
"IsayasIhithi
schest.
Siya-"
Youhav ethewrongendoft hesti
ckher
e!
What '
sgoingon? "HeasksasHehol dsmybell
y.
Iturnandmar chtowardstheelevatorand
anothersharpcramppiercesthroughmy
abdomen.
Si
ya-"
Isi
tti
me?
"Si
yaasksf
rant
ical
l
y.
Me-"
No, i
t'
stoosoon!Idon'
thaveabagpacked,
mybi
rthpl
anisn'
there.Cal
lSt
even!
"Ibar
kat
hi
m.Theel ev
atoropensandSiyaandI
fr
anti
cal
l
ywal kin,
hebarksordersont
hephone
whil
eIholdontomybelly
.
Siya-" You' r
eokay ,everythi
ngi sgoi ngt obe
fi
ne. "Hesay sinacal mv oice, althought he
sweatdr opletsonhi sforeheadt elladif
ferent
story .Ist opmybagont othef loor ,
leavi
ngSi ya
topi cki tupwhi leIpacear oundt hespacious
elevat or.Theel evatordoor sopent ot he
basementandSi yahel psmeout .Hiscari sjust
af ewf eetaway ,butI '
m per spiringheav ilyby
thet imeIr eachi t.Siyaopenst hedoorf orme
andIsl owl yslidei n.Ispreadmyl egsapar tas
thecont ractionsar eclosert oget herandcl ench
ont oSi ya'shandashespeedsaway .

Me-"I'
m notr
eady !Ican'
tdot hi
sSiya.Ineeda
fewmor eweeks,I'
llbefineinafewweeks! "I
shoutasankthercontracti
onhits.
Hi
m-"
Breat
hebaby
,br
eat
he.
"Hesay
sinacal
m
v
oice.
Me-"
Shutupy
oucheat
er!
"Ishout
.
Me-"Thi
sisallyourf
ault
!Youenjoyhurt
ingme
ever
ychancey ouget,
nowy ou'
vepasseditont
o
yourchi
ldr
en.They'
rehurt
ingmeeeeeee!"I
ti
ghtenmygriponSiya'
shandandhecl ear
shis
thr
oat.
Me-"
Tel
lStevent
ogett hetheat
reready
,Iwas
j
oki
ngaboutanatural
birt
h,Idon'
twantit.
"Icr
y
ast
hepainescal
ates.
Siya-"Youcandot hi
smyl ove,we'realmost
there.
"IhuffasIi nhal
edeepbr eathsandwi t
hin
abl i
nkofaney e,wear ri
veatthehospi t
al.We'
re
metbySt evenandasquadofnur seswhohel p
mei nawheel chair.Amal enursegetsr eadyto
wheel meintot hehospital
,whenSi yapushes
himt othesideandpushest hewheel chair
himself.Wear r
iveatabl ockedoffcor nerofa
fl
oorandI '
mt ransportedtoasuite.Icr awlonto
thebedandst aratt heceili
ngasthepai n
subsi
des.Si
yarol
l
suphissleevesand
conti
nuestomakephonecall
swhilepaci
ngt
he
room.
Me-"
Siyabonga,
please.You'
remaki
ngme
di
zzy
."IsayasIfanmy sel
f.
Stev
enbar gesi
nandqui
ckl
yper
for
msan
examinat
ion.
OnceHe'
sdoneInudgehi
mtowar
dsme.
Me-"So?"IaskasIbr
eat
het
hrougha
cont
ract
ion.
Him-"Goodnews,you'
l
lprobabl
ybepar
ent
sby
theendoftoday
."Si
ya'
sfacebeamswit
h
exci
tement.
Me-" Thatsoon?Ar eyousur
e?Mycontract
ions
aren'
tev enthatbad.Can'
twewait?
"Isay
fr
antical
ly.Siy
alooksatmei nconf
usi
onwhi l
e
Stevenseemsamused.
Stev
en-"Yes,
I'
m sur
e.Zinhl
e,y
ouhav enot
hing
toworr
yabout,al
lfi
rstt
imemot her
sget
anxi
ous,
you'
l
lbef
ine.
"
Tear
str
avel
downmycheeksast
her
eal
i
ty
dawnsonme.
Me-"
Iwanttogounder
.IwantaC-
sect
ion,
cut
meopenplease!
"
Steven-"Remembery oumademepromisethat
I
'ddoev eryt
hinginmypowerfory
outodeliv
er
natural
ly?Besides,
yourl
abori
spr
ogressi
ng
ni
cely."Hesay swit
hasmi l
e.
Me-"St
even,Ineedanepi
dur
alatl
east
.Scr
ew
pi
nkypromises,l
ist
ent
ome!"
Iscr
eam asacont
ract
ionpi
ercest
hroughmy
enti
rebody
.
St
even-"
ButZi
nhl
e..
."Igr
abont
ohi
sshi
rt
.
Me-"
Givemet hej
uice!
"Iscr
eam i
nhi
sface
t
henlaybackdownont hebed.

St
evenr
unsof
fandI
'
mlef
tal
onewi
thSi
ya.He
i
nchest
owardsmeandgr
absmyhandand
ki
ssesmyf
orehead.
Hi
m-"I
'
m her
e."Hesay
ssi
ncer
ely
.
Me-"SaveitNy at
hi.Youwantt obeiny our
off
icefi
lmingpornowi thyourli
tt
lesexkitt
en.
"I
saywhil
est ar
ingintohiseyes.Siy
a'sface
i
mmedi atel
yturnsr edandheleavesmy
bedsi
de.
Si
ya-"IguessI'
m notneededhere,I
'
llbe
outsi
de."Hesaysashemar chestowardst
he
door.
Me-"
Siy
a,wai
t!
"Het
urnst
olookatme.
Me-"I'
m scaredokay ?I'
m absolutelypetr
if
ied!
I'
m abouttoberesponsi blefort
wohumanl i
ves
andmyl i
feisn'
tev eninor der
.I'
m notdone
growingup,but.
."Itakeadeepbr eathinasI'm
i
nterr
uptedbyacont r
action.
Si
yar
ushestomysi
deandpl
ant
sasof
tki
sson
mywetl
ips.
Him-"Wecandot his.Stopstressing,you'r
e
abouttogivebir
tht othemostpr eci
oust hi
ngs
onearth.Godtrustedy ouwiththis,whoar eyou
todenyit?"Ismil
esl i
ghtlyandbef oreIcanstop
myselfispeak.
Me-"
Ilov
eyousomuch.
"Ibl
urtout
.
Me-"Uhmm, pl
easecal
lmyf amil
y.
"Isayi
nan
att
empttochangethet
opic.Siy
amov esaway
andaft
erafewstepsheturnsback.
Hi
m-"
Ilov
eyoumor
e."

*
*ZI
YANDA*
*
Itr
ytomust erupthecouraget otellBr
andon
every
thing,buthe'svi
olentl
ytappinghisf ooton
theti
ledfloor.Iwalkt
owar dsthebedandsi t
besi
deBr andonandgr asphisshaki ngknee.He
gentl
yr emov esmyhandandst ands.Isigh
heavi
lyanddeci dethatit
'sbett
ert ogetthis
conversati
onov eranddonewi th,I'
ll
acceptmy
f
ateasi
tcomes.
Me-"Fi
rst
ly,
thankyouforcomi
ng.Iappr
eci
ate
youbei
ngopent ohear
ingmeout.
Hi
m-"
Ziy
anda,
gett
othepoi
ntpl
ease.
"
Me-"Theot
hernightIwasaloneinmyroom
aft
erahect
icdayofactiv
iti
es,oneoft
hem
bei
nghypnother
apy..
."
Hi
m-"
Arey
ouser
iousr
ightnow?
"
Inodsl
owl
y.
Me-"SoIwasi
nbedwhenaknockonthedoor
wokemeup,whenIopened,
itwasPat
ri
ck.
."
I
'
mi nt
err
upt
edbyBr andon'
sphonev
igor
ousl
y
r
ingi
ngandvi
brat
ing.
Hi
m-"
excuseMe.
"Hesay
sasheanswer
s.

Afewmi nutesl
ater,Br
andonl
ooksatmeandI
can'
treadtheexpressi
ononhi
sface.
Hi
m-"
Getdr
essed.
"Hesay
sst
ernl
y.
Hi
m-"
Yoursi
steri
sinLabour
."
Wi thoutaski nganyquesti
onsagr abawarm
maxi dressandsomeunder weart henget
dressedi nt hebat hr
oom.WithinsecondsI'
m
ready ,andf oll
owingbehi
ndBr andon.Hegives
thesecur i
tyawadofcashandgr absmyhand
aswej ogt ot heparki
ngl
ot.Aj ol
tofelect
ri
cit
y
piercest hroughmybody ,andBr andonseems
tof eelittooashegazesdeepi ntomyey esfor
af ewmoment s.
[
04/
19,
06:
12]Wdz:
[94]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*

I'
m star
ingattheceil
ingasreal
ityki
cksinwith
everyshatt
eri
ngcontracti
on.Si
yahasn'tbeen
abletositdown,andatleastIf
indhumouri n
hissomehowcal m panic.
Icl
enchont
othebedsheet
sasanot
her
cont
ract
iondri
ll
sthroughmylowerback.Igri
t
myteethwhil
eIinhaleandexhal
ethr
ought he
pai
n.
Me-" Si
yabongaNy athi
,whatthefuckarey
ou
doingstandi
ngt here?Call
Stevennowdamnit
!"
IshoutasIrollovertomysi de.Si
yaseems
start
ledashest andsinthesamepositi
on
ogli
ngme.
Me-"
Now!Doy
ouwantmet
odi
e?Doy
ou?
"
Siyawipessweatdropletsonhi sforeheadwi t
h
thesleeveofhi
sshirt
, andInoticehisf ace
tur
ningred.Theci
btractuinsubsides, andIcan
seethatSiyai
sn'
ttakingthislaborpr ocesswell.
Me-"
Siy
a,pl
easecomeher
e."
Isayt
ohi
minasoftvoi
ce.Hest
aresatmefor
afewmomentst
henevent
ual
lyi
nchescl
oser
towar
dsme.
Igr
abhi
shandandgazei
ntohi
sey
es.
Me-"
Whet
herwe'
rer
eadyornot
,we'
reaboutt
o
beparents.I
'
m goingtoneedyouinthenext
fewhours,morethaneverandyouhavetostep
upokay?"Henodshi sheadsl
ight
ly.
Him-"Ij
ust
..You'
rei
nsomuchpai
nZinhl
e,I
can'
tbarei
t."Hesay
sast
earswel
lupinhi
s
eyes.
Me-" Whichi swhyy ouneedt ogetStevenher e
todrugt heshi toutofme.Ican' tdeli
vertwo
babiesonf aithaloner ightnow.Babydaddy ,
we'vegott his.
"IsayasIwi nkathim.Hi s
succulentlipscurv eintoaslightsmil
eandwe
shareamomentwher eoursoulsconnectand
communi cate.Af ewmoment sl
ater,
hel eav
es
andr et
urnswi thSt evenandhi sentourageof
nurses.
Af
terperformi
nganexaminat
ion,
Stevencl
ear
s
hi
sthroatinpr
epar
ati
ontodeli
versomenews.
Me-"
OhGod,
aret
heyokay
?"Iaskf
rant
ical
l
y.
St
even-"They
'r
efine,
buty ourLabouri
s
pr
ogressingf
ast,
Idon'tknowiftheepidur
alwi
l
l
hav
eti
met
otakeef
fect
."
Me-"What?No!I'
ll
suckthem backin,theywon't
comeoutuntili
tstar
tsworki
ng.Steven, pl
ease!
"
Icr
youtloud.Si
yagripsmyhandsandst r
okes
myhairt
hatisnowgl uedont
omywetf ace.
Siy
a-"Shi
tmanSteven,dosomet
hing!
"He
shout
s,andIj
erki
nf ear
.
St
evenhuf
fsandshr ugshisshoul
derst hen
i
nstr
uct
sthenurses.Af ewmoment slater,I
'
m
l
yi
ngonmyback, waiti
ngf ort
heepiduraltokick
i
nwhenZiyandaandBr andonbargein.

Ziyandar
ushestomysi dewhileSiy
aand
Brandonexchangehandshakes.Ziy
anda
att
acksmewi thahug,andIev ent
uall
ytapon
hershoul
derforhert
oletmego.
Her-"
I'
m sosor
ry,
thi
sisj
ustsoexci
ti
ng!My
babysist
eri
saboutt
obecomeamot heroft
wo
andI'
m aboutt
obeaunty
."
Shesay
swi
thgl
assyey
es.
Me-"AndaGodmot heraswel l
."Shebeams
fr
om excit
ementandat tacksmewi thanother
bearhug.IseeSi
yawat chuncomf ortabl
yfrom
adist
anceandmi me" Arey ouokay?"Inodand
Ziy
andafinal
lybr
eakst hehug.

Brandonacknowledgesmewi thasimpl
enod,
helooksuncomfortabl
e,butI'
mtoodrai
nedto
dwellonthat
,Iappreci
atethesuppor
t.
Ononesi de,
Ihav eSiyahoveri
ng,f
luf
fingupmy
pi
llowsandhol di
ngasmal lfaninmyf ace.The
othersi
de,Zi
yandai sti
mingmycont racti
ons
andexcit
edlyjott
ingthem downonanot epad.
Ifeel
thedr
ugsslowl
yki
ckinasmylowerbody
becomesnumb,andIsmil
easthepai
n
subsi
des.
Mymom isl
aterwheel
edi
nonawheel
chai
rby
St
even,
andassoonasourey
esmeet,
Icantel
l
thatshe'
selat
ed.Myheartov
erf
lowswi t
hlove
atthatver
ymoment ,
andIsayasilentpr
ayer
thanki
ngGodf ort
helov
eandmer cythathe'
s
shownme.
Icouldgetusedtotheat
tent
ionthatI'
m
recei
ving,
andI'
m goingt
omi l
kitforal
lthati
t'
s
wor t
h.
Mymom i satt hefootofmybed, stroki
ngmy
feetalt
houghIcanbar elyf
eelanything,Si
yais
askingmeev eryfi
vesecondswhet herI'm okay
orneedany thing,BrandonhasStev enonspeed
diali
ncaseofanychangesandZi yandai s
burningsageandcl eansi
ngmysui te.Imakea
sli
ghttwit
chandev eryone'
seyesbor eintome
withconcern.
Me-"
I'
mfi
neguy
s."Isayi
nasof
tchuckl
e.
Mom-" It
rustt
hatl
obol
anegot
iat
ionswill
be
under
waysoonSi y
abonga?
"Mymot herasks
I
'm acalmtone.
Me-"
Mama!Wecant
alkaboutt
hisl
ater
pl
ease.
"
Her-"No,weneedt
oknow.Arethebirt
h
cer
tifi
cat
esgoingt
ohaveNyat
hi orKhumal
o
pri
ntedonthem?"
Si
ya-"
Nyat
hiofcour
se.
"Si
yasay
sst
ernl
y.
Mom-"Ofcour
sekwani
?Di
dyoupayl
obol
afor
t
hebabies?
"
Si
ya-"
Thatcabbear
rangedwi
thi
naf
ewday
s."
Zi
yanda-"
Well
unt
ilt
hen,
themunchki
nscanbe
Khumalo'
s"
Brandon-"
Babi
esalwaysassumet
hei
rfat
her
's
surname.Thi
sisobvi
ous"
Myheadisbobbi
ngfr
om per
sont
oper
sonas
eachsay
sthei
rpi
ece.
Me-"Enough!We'll
justhy
phenate,
perfect
compromise!"Isay,
andevery
onelooksatme
asthoughI'
vespokensomeal i
enlanguage.
Mom-"
Arey
ouwhi
te?Don'
tspeaknonsense
ke.
"Mymom looksannoy
edandIdon'
twant
thi
sener
gyar
oundmewhenwewel comethe
munchki
nsi
ntotheroom.
Siya-"I
'
m aZul umanandt hi
sdoublebar
rel
rubbishwon'thappen,andIwon'tbecoerced
i
ntomar r
yingsomeonej ustt
ogivemykidsmy
l
astname. "Hislastst
atementfeelsli
kea
daggerthroughmychest .
St
evenbar
gesi
n,analy
zingt
hemachi
nest
hat
ar
enowmakingalar
mingsounds.
Steven-"Yourbl
oodpressur
eZinhl
e!"Hedr
aws
thecurtainsandexaminesme.
Hi
m-"Thetwinsareali
tt
leindistr
ess,I
'
llt
ryto
st
abi
l
izethem,you'
renotful
lydial
atedyet
."
Stevenl
eav
est
hesui
teandsi
l
encef
il
lst
he
room.
Me-"That
'senough!Leavemyr oom!Mybabies
havebeenthroughenoughandIwon' thav
e
them got
hroughharmfullabour
,soleave!
"
Si
ya-"Guy
s,weappr
eci
atet
hesuppor
tbutI
guesswe'
lll
ety
ouknowoncet
hey'
vearr
ived.
"
Ihuffandrol
lmyeyesasSi
yagest
uresf
or
Brandontowheelmymom out
.
Me-"YoutooNyat
hi.I
'v
efeltal
onemostofthis
pr
egnancyanywaysogoingthroughLabour
al
onewon'tbeatrai
nsmash."Isayinal
mosta
whisper
.
Hi
m-"
Zinhl
e..
"
Me-"Pleaseleave."Siy
astandsbesidemef ora
fewminutest henfinal
lydr
agshisfeettowards
thedoor.Aft
ergivingmeonef inal
pleadinglook,
heleavesandIbr eatheoutaheavysigh.
Af
ewmoment
slat
er,
Ifal
li
ntoabl
i
ssf
ull
umber
.

I'
m wokenupbyasl
ightpai
nandIr
eal
i
ze
someonegri
ppi
ngontomyhand.
IlookdownandIseeSiyarest
inghi
sheadon
thebed,hi
sli
pssl
ight
lypoutedashesnor
es
qui
etl
y.
Ipr
esst
hebut
tonf
orSt
evenandpunchSi
ya.
Me-"Ithi
nkthedrugsar
eWar ingoff,Ijustfel
ta
pai
n."Hey awnsandstr
etchesthenjumpst o
hi
sfeetprepari
ngtocal
lSteven,butSt even
emergesandper f
ormsanotherexami nation.
Hi
m-"
It
'st
ime.
"
Withi
naflash,mylegsareprobedint
ostir
rups,
ateam ofmedical
pr of
essi
onalshavefi
l
ledthe
r
oom andr eal
i
tydawnsonme.
Siy
aisstandi
ngatthefootofMybedstar
ing
betweenmylegs,
withhisjawont
hefloor
.
Me-"Siyabonga,gety ourassherenow!"Ishout
.
Idon'twanthim witnessingthecri
mescene
thatmycookiewi llnowbecome.Hesl owly
walkstowardsMewi thal ookofhorr
or
plast
eredonhisf ace.
Me-"
Don'
tfai
ntanderasethati
magefr
om your
mi
ndfor
ever.
"IsayasIgri
pintohi
shand.If
eel
acontr
act
ioncr
eepi
nandI
'
minst
ruct
edt
o
push.
Me-"
Lor
dgivemest r
engt
h!"Iscr
eam asIappl
y
al
lmymighti
ntopushi
ng.
Si
ya-"
Youcandot
hisbabe,
comeon!
"
Me-"Si
yabongaNyathishutupman!"Ishoutas
Ipusht
hroughanothercontr
act
ion.
Afewminut
esl
aterIhearanur
sesay"
The
headi
sout!
"
Myheartpalpi
tat
eswi
thexci
tementandI
cont
inuepushi
ng.
Moment
slat
erIhearSt
evenatadi
stance.
Steven-"Congratul
ati
ons,you'
vegivenbirthtoa
beautif
ulbaby .
"Ismil
esli
ght l
yasev er
ything
becomesabl urandmyheadhi t
sthepill
ow.I
feelmybodyshakev i
gorouslyandmyey esrol
l
backinvolunt
aril
y .
ThemachinesbeepasSi
yagri
pshol
dofmy
shoul
der
sandshamedmycl ammybody.
St
even'
svoi
ceisfurt
herawayashebar
ks
or
derst
ohisnurses.
Steven-"Thesecondbabyiscrowni
ngandin
dist
ress!Siya,
weneedtomakeadeci si
on.
We'relosingbothoft
hem,it'
seit
herZi
nhl
eor
thebaby !Whodowef ocuson?"
Si
ya-"
Zinhl
e!Please!
"Ihearhi
m cr
yasIsl
i
p
i
ntounconsci
ousness.
Me-"Baby
..sav
emunch..munchki
n."IsayasI
t
rytofi
ghttheurget
ofal
lasl
eep.
Siy
a-"Baby
,Il
oveyou.St
ayawakepl
ease.I
can'
tdothi
salone.
"
Me-"You'
l
lbeamazi
ng.Don'
tspoi
lthem t
oo
much."
Thelastt
hingIheari
saloudbeepi
ngsound
thenit
'sl
i
ghtsoutforme.
[
04/
19,
06:
12]Wdz:
[95]
*
*SI
YA*
*
I
'vebeenawal ki
ngzombi eforaweek, andI'
m
l
osingmy sel
f.Imayaswel lbedead,because
howdoy oucontinueli
vingwheny ourhearti
s
nomor e?I'
m merelyavesselperf
ormingmy
obli
gat
ionsanddut i
es,butI
'm deadinside.
I
t'
sbeenaweek; anent
ir
eweekbutt
hepainI'
ve
beenfeel
ingwi
thi
nthedept
hsofmysoulhasn'
t
di
ssipat
ed.

I'
m sitt
ingont hecouch,wait
ingf
ormyl i
tt
le
babiest obewheel edinsoIcanseet hem.They
aretheonl ygl i
mmerofhopeandhappi nessin
thi
sdar kpi tofemotions.Thenursewheel s
them int heiri
ncubator
sandmyhear tis
resuscitated.ThenurseexcusesherselfandI'
m
givensomet i
mealonewi t
hmyr easonf or
breathi
ng.
Me-"
Hel
l
obabyboy!
"IsayasIknocksof
tl
yon
t
heil
l
uminat
edgl
assofthei
ncubat
or.
Me-"
Babygi
rl
!"IsayasIknockont
heot
her
.
Tear
st hreatentofallwhenIlookbesideme
andIseeal i
fel
essZinhlehookedont o
machines.Shel ookssopeacef ulandalmostas
i
ftheslightestmov ementwillwakeher,but
she'
sbeeni nacomat osestateforaweek.
Me-" Zinhle..myloveher ear eourmunchki ns.
Theyar emor ebeautif
ul t
heny oucoul dhav e
everimagi ned.Ourdaught erisaf ighterli
keher
mot her,theoddswer eagai nsther ,butshe's
persev eri
ngandpr ogressingdaybyday
becauseshewant stomeethermommy .Iknow
thaty ou'r
est i
ll
inthere,Iknowi nmyhear tof
heartst hatchyou'r
ef i
ghting.Pl easedon' tst
op.
Ourf ami l
yneedsy ou.Youneedt obear oundto
playdr essupwi thourdaught erandgety our
favoritebearhugsf rom ourson.Ineedy ou.
"
*
*sni
ff
**
Me-"Ihadn'tevenst
art
edl
ovi
ngyouandIknow
youweren'tdonemakingmeabett
erman.
Comeback, thi
scan'
tbeourfullst
op.Wehav e
ali
feti
meofmemor i
eslef
ttocreat
e,pl
easejust
comeback."Isaywhilegr
ippi
ngontoherhand,
wait
ingforhertor
espond.
Aft
erafewmoment
s,Ist
andandkissZi
nhl
e'
s
for
eheadt
hent
urnmyatt
ent
ionbacktot
he
munchki
ns.
Me-"Whataregoingtocallyoutwo?Shouldwe
waitunt
ilmommyhashadenoughbeaut ysleep?
Orshouldwejustgowi t
hmunchkin1and
munchkin2?"Ichuckl
esof t
lyt
hensmileatthei
r
l
it
tl
ebodies.Iopenawi ndowineachincubator
andgentl
ystrokethei
rstomachs.
Me-"
Ilov
eyousomuch.
"
I
'm smil
inglikeani
diotatt
heirsl
i
ght
est
mov ement,butmymomenti ssooni
nter
rupt
ed
bythenurse.
Me-"Iguessknocki
ngi
saski
ngt
oomucht
hen.
"
Isayster
nly
.
Nurse-"I
'
m sosorryMrNy at
hi,Ij
ustt
hought
thatyou'
dbeoverwhelmedwi t
hthebabiessoI
camet oassi
styou."Shesayswithawidesmil
e.
Me-"
Don'
t.
"
Her
-"Hel
p?"
Me-"No,don'
tthi
nk.I
t'sdef
ini
telynotyour
st
rongestsui
t.I
fIneedhelpI'
l
l ask.Thanks
si
si.
"Sheremainsinthesamespotandsl owl
y
i
nchestowardsme.
Her-"I
fyouneedany thing,anythingatall
;
pleasedon'thesi
tat
et ocallme. "Shesayswhile
l
ickingherbottom l
i
pandhol dingasmal lnot
e
i
nmyf ace.Ichuckl
esar cast
icallythengr
iphold
ofherhandandl ookatheri ntently
.
Me-"
Lit
tl
egi
rl
,I
'mt
hewr
ongone!
"
Isayt
hroughgr
it
tedt
eet
h.
Me-"Nowr unalong,Idon'twantt
oseey ou
aroundthisflooragain,andofcourseyou'
l
l
l
isteni
fy oust i
l
lwisht obeemployed."
Il
etgoofhernowtr
emblinghandandtur
non
myheeltofacemyangel
swhileshescur
ri
es
outoft
heroom.
Iki
ssZi
nhl
egoodby
ethenwheel
mybabi
esout
.

Thishasbeent her eal

it
yofmyl if
ef oraweek.I
wakeupi ntheear lyhoursofthemor ning
everydayont hecouchbesi deZinhl e'
sbed;kiss
her,watchmybabi essl
eepforaf ewmi nut
es
thenheadhomet oshowerandchangeand
dist
ractmy selfwi thworkatmyof fice,whenI
feelmy sel
fsuff ocati
ngemot i
onallyIheadback
tothehospi t
al andt hecycl
ebeginsal lover
again.

Iheadhomeandf i
ndZinhl
e'
smom busyi
nthe
ki
tchen,
prepar
ingaheart
ybreakf
ast
.
Me-"Sawubonama,Ij
ustcamet
ograba
showerandleav
e.Hav
eagoodday.
"
Her-"Si
yabonga! "Shetell
sasIjogoutofthe
ki
tchen.Islowlymakemywaybacki nsi
deand
shepull
smyhand, l
eadingmet othebreakf
ast
nookwher eIreluctant
lysitdown.
Her-"Thosebabi
esinthathospi
talneedtheir
fat
herjustasmuchast heyneedtheirmother.
"
Shesay swhil
edishi
ngaheftyplat
eof
every
thingimagi
nable.
Me-"
Ma,
I'
m..
"
Her-"Fine?Kahlebo!Whaydi
dyoueat
yesterday?"Sheaskswit
hherhandonherhi
p.
Me-"
Ihad.
."
Her-"Abott
leofwhiskey
?Thedaybef
ore?
Anotherone?"Sheaskswit
hsuchaut
hori
ty,
I
feell
ikeanint
imidat
edschool
boy.
Shesi
tsdownbesi
demeandsi
ghsheav
il
y.
Her-"
Siy
abonga,
Iknowit'
sdiff
icul
t,t
rustmeI
do.Zi
nhlei
smydaughterandI'minphy si
cal
pai
nwhenmychi l
drenar
en'tokay,
butwecan' t
beself
ish.Whatwil
lhappenifweal
ldrown
oursel
vesinal
cohol?Thebabieswi
llbe
di
schargedsoon,wit
horwithoutZi
nhleandwe
needtobepreparedfort
hat.
"
Shesayswhi
lefi
ghti
ngthetear
sthathave
wel
ledupinhereyesandtur
nedthem gl
ossy
.
Her-"Zi
nhlewi l
lwakeup, butsheneedst obe
welcomedbyaheal t
hyman.Nowi snotthe
ti
met ospiralouti
fcont r
ol,usethatl ovet
hat
youhav eforZinhl
etohav ef ai
ththati twi
ll
be
fi
ne.Allyouneedi sfai
thassmal l asamust ard
seedandy oucanmov emount ai
ns."Shesay s
astearsrolldownherf ace.Shegr absmyhands
andcov ersthem wit
hher sthenpul lsmeinf or
awar m hug.Icannol ongercontrol my
emotionsandsoIsobi ntoherapr on.
Her
-"Sssshhhh.
"
Me-"
Ican'
t.
.Whati
f?"Isaybet
weenmycr
ies.
Her-"Whatifshemakesitandy
ourai
sea
beauti
ful
familyt
oget
her?Godhimsel
fsai
dthat
weshoul
dthr
owourbur densathisf
eet,
but
youwantt
ocarr
ythem alone?Si
ya,i
t'
sdarkest
befor
edawn.
"Shesayswhi l
egiv
ingmeat i
ght
hug.
Shespr ingsont oherfeetanddisappearsint
o
thekitchenagai n.Mymout hinvolunt
ari
ly
curvesintoasmi leasmyhear twarmst othe
l
ov ethatZinhle'smom i sshowingme.An
i
mageofmymot herpopsupi nmyhead, butI
swiftl
ymov eont othebreakf
astspreadinfront
ofmeanddeci det ooccupymy sel
fwithit
.

It
'sbeen10day ssinceZinhleslippedintoa
comaandi t'
sbeent helongesttenday sofmy
entireexistence.I'
mi nhersuite,waiti
ngf orour
babi estoar r
iveandI '
mt r
yingtowor kZinhle's
dif
f user.Ipositi
onthelargev asesoff l
ower s,
attemptt obur nhersage, butdecidetost op
befor eIdieofanast hmaat t
ack.Isitonthe
chai rbesideherbedandgr abherhands,
engul
fi
ngt
hem i
nmi
ne.
Me-" Mylov e,It
riedbur ningy ourv oodooshitso
youcouldr ememberhomeandf i
ghtt ocome
backsooner ,
Iwasl esst hansuccessf ulthough.
Any way
s, themunchki nsarecomi nghome
soonandweneedt onamet hem sowecan
fi
nishont henur sery.Iwast hi nki
ngofpower ful
Zulunamesl i
keNt ombi kayisef ormunchki n2
andSphamandl af ormunchki n1."Isayt hen
softl
ychuckl easIi magi neherf eistyresponse.

Ifeelherf
ingertwit
chwhil
eIstrokeitt
henI
spri
ngt omyf eet
.Iseeherl
ipsmov esl
ight
ly
thenImov emyheadt owardshers.
Her
-"Nnnn.
..nnnn.
.nooo"shesay
s.
I'
m el
atedwhenIhearhercroakyvoi
ce,so
muchsot hatIat
tackherpal
sfacewithwet
ki
ssesallover
.
Shepoi
ntst
owar
dst
hej
ugofwat
eront
he
bedsi
det
abl
eandIhel
pherdr
inkt
hrougha
str
aw.
Her-"Who.Ar e.You?"Shesay sinawhisper.I
feelmyhear tshatt
erintoami l
li
onpiecesand
theroom spinninginalldi
recti
ons.It
rytospeak
butmywor dsfailme,thenIseehersweet
smilethatsoont urnsi
ntoaf ei
ntchuckle.
Thenur
sewheelsinthemunchki
nsandatt
his
momentI'
m el
ated.
Me-"
ThankYou.
"Isayasocl
osemyey
esanda
t
earr
unsdownmyf ace.
[
04/
19,
13:
24]Wdz:
[96]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*

Aftertheumpt eenthatt
emptatopeningmy
eyes,myey eli
dsf i
nal
lyfl
utt
eropen.The
bl
indingli
ghts,Siya'
skissesal
lovermybody
andt hesoftcri
esofababyi sall
extremel
y
overwhel
mi ngforme.If eelthewal lscaveinon
meandmydr ythroatconstri
ct.I
'mi nter
nall
yin
astateofpanicasIf eeltearswel lupinmy
eyesandv i
v i
dmemor i
esofmyl aborsur f
acein
mymi nd.Ishutmyey estightl
yclosedt henI
hearSteven'svoiceinthebackgr ound.
Steven-"Every
bodyout!Now!"Afewmoment s
l
ater,IhearthedoorbangclosedandIfeel
Steven'swarm handsonmybodyashe
exami nesme.Hepr obesmyey el
i
dsopenand
afterathoroughexaminat
ionhelooksatme
withconcern.
Hi
m-"Wel
comebacktot
helandoft
hel
i
ving!
"
Hesay
sinasar
cast
icmanner
Ismil
esli
ght
lyandattemptt
oshif
tmybody
,but
i
tfeel
snumb.St ev
enmustnoti
cemyfr
ownas
hechuckl
esquietl
y.
Him-"
You'r
estil
lheavi
l
ysedated,y
ourbody
wentt
hroughalotoftraumasotakeiteasyand
enj
oythedrugswhil
etheylasti
nyoursystem."
Hesay
sthenwi
nksatme.
Me-"
Howl
ong?
"
Him-"I
t'
sal
mostbeent woweekssi nceyou
wentunder
.Zinhle,
thatmanout sideabsolutel
y
l
ovesyou,i
ftherewasanydoubt ingitbefore,
t
hosethoughtsneedtobeer ased.Lethim spoil
youduri
ngyourrecoverypr
ocess."
Me-"Af
ewt
hingsar
eabl
ur,
ist
heot
herbaby
okay
?"
Him-"They
'r
ebothstr
ivi
ngandshoul dbe
rel
easedsoon.Soont
hewhol eNy athif
amily
wil
lbegoodtogoandt hat'
sincl
udingy ou.
"He
saysashepay smyshoulder
.
Me-"It
hinkIshouldgotoar ecov
erycent
re
per
hapssoIheal proper
ly?
"
Him-"Idon'
tthinkweneedt ot
akedrast
ic
measures,you'
llbefi
neathomeifyoutakeit
easy.Besi
des,I'
m sureyou'
rer
eadytostar
t
bondingwit
hy ourbabies.
"
Me-"
Itwoul
dn'
tbef
oral
ongt
ime,
please.
"
St
evenstar
esatmewi
thal
ookofconf
usi
onon
hi
sface.
Hi
m-"Okay.
"Heev
ent
ual
l
ysay
saf
terr
eleasi
ng
al
oudsigh.
Me-"Justtel
lSi
yathatIabsol
utel
yhavetogo
anddon'tl
ethimtal
ky ououtofIt
."AssoonasI
sayt
hat,li
keonqueSi yabar
gesin.
Siya-"
What'
staki
ngsolong?Themunchki
ns
aredyingt
omeety oubabe.
"Hesay
sashis
facebeamsinexci
tement.
Me-"Babe,I'
ll
meetthem l
ater
,I'
m exhaust
ed.
"
St
evenandSi yalookatmeasifI'
m speaki
ngan
al
i
enl anguage.
Ihaveanov erwhel
mi ngi
nfl
uxofemotionsand
thoughtsraci
ngthroughmymi ndandIcan'
t
decipherwhattheymean,Ijustt
hinkt
hatIneed
ti
meal one.
Me-"
Stev
eni
nfor
medMet
hatIneedt
ogot
oa
r
ecover
yfaci
l
ity
,soI
'
llbeawayf
oraf
ew
weeks.
"
Siy
a-"Okay,
wecant urnthepool houseint
oone
andyoucanr ecov
ert her
e.We' l
lgetnursesand
machinesandwhat everelseyoumayneed
okay?I'
l
lst
artmakingt hearrangements."He
saysashewhi psouthisphone.
Me-"No,Idon'
twantmypr ogr
esst
obe
hi
nderedbyanythi
ng.I
t'
ll
beaf ewday
s."
Hi
m-"
Themunchki
ns?
"
Me-"
I'
m sur
eyouandmom wi
l
lmanage.
"
Aft
erafewmomentsofst
ari
ngatme,
he
shr
ugshisshoul
der
s.
Hi
m-"
Zinhl
e,ar
eyouokay
?"
Me-"I'
mf i
ne,j
ustneedsomerest.
"Isaywi
tha
sli
ghtsmil
e.Ipul
lthecover
sovermyheadand
facetheopposi
tedir
ecti
on.
Inthemorni
ngI'
m wokenupbyaslueofnurses.
Itr
ytofal
lbackasl
eep,butt
henIhearone
mentionSi
ya'
sname.
Nur
se1-"
SoIsl
i
ppedhi
m mynumber
!"
Nur
se2-"
Don'
tl
ie!
"
Nurse1-"It
hinkhe'
sdef
init
elyi
nter
est
ed.Imay
j
ustbet henextMrsNyathi
!"
Nur
se2-"
Sssshhhhi
swi
fei
ssl
eepi
ngr
ight
t
her
e!"
Nurse1-"Ohplease,she'
sjustagirl
fr
iend.She
waspr acti
cal
lydeadaf ewdaysago, doyou
real
lythi
nkshe'dhearme?Besi des,I
'm doi
ng
herafav ort
akingcareofhermani nher
absence."
Nur
se2-"
Tel
lmehowhei
sinbed.
"
Nurse1-"IWill
."Theygi
ggl
eandgoaboutthei
r
business.Ihuffandrol
lmyeyest
henprayfor
thestrengthtonotall
owmyemotionst
ot ake
rei
gnov erme.
Si
yabargesinandthenur
sesdrool
overhi
m.
Hejogstowardsmeandgivesmeasoftki
sson
mychappedlips.
Siy
a-"Pl
easeexcuseus.
"Hesay
stot
hest
aff
andtheyscur
ryout.
Si
ya-"
They'
rebr
ingi
ngt
hemunchkinsj
ustnow.
"
Hesaysashebeamsfr
om exci
tement
.
Me-"
Doyouknowt
hatnur
se?Theonet
hatwas
j
usti
nher
e?"
Hi
m-"
Yeah,
Iknowal
loft
hem.
"
Me-"
Didshegi
vey
ouhernumber
?
Hi
m-"
Yes,
but
..
"
Me-"
Iwasj
ustaski
ng.I
'
dli
ket
oshowerf
ir
st.
"
Hi
m-"
Youcan'tdot
hatonyourown,
besi
des
t
hemunchki
nswon'
tnoti
ce.
"
Atthatver
ymoment,anursewheel
sinthe
babiesandSi
yast
andsthendismi
ssesher.
Hi
m-"
Lookathowbeaut
if
ult
heyar
e."Hesay
s
whi
l
epushi
ngt
hei
ncubat
orst
owar
dsme.
Me-"
Icanseethem f
rom her
e!Youcant
ake
t
hem backnow.
"
Him-"What
?Don'
tyouwantt
otoucht
hem and
seethem?"
Me-"
Isai
dtaket
hem away
!"Iscr
eam.
Siy
ast ar
esatmeasIsobthent
urnsonhi
sheel
andleaveswit
hthebabi
es.

Thef ol
lowi ngday sarebr utal
,bot hphy sicall
y
andemot ionally
.I'
mi nat remendousamountof
painfrom myst it
chesandt hepr obingt hat'
s
beendonet omybody .Istil
ll
ookpr egnantwi th
atleastanot herbaby ,becausemyst omach
hasn'tretracted.Mybr east sarethesi zeof
wat er
mel onsandar ealsocausi ngmepai n.I'
m
beingpr essurisedintobreast f
eedi ngbutI 'v
e
boldlydecl i
ned.Ihav en'
tseent hebabi essince
Siy
abombar dedmewi t
ht hem andIhav en'
t
tri
edt oei t
her .IwishIcoul dexpl ainthewayI
feel
, butIcan' tputi ti
ntowor ds.It hought
becomi ngamot hertothemunchki nswoul d
makemef eel el
atedandcont ent,butIdon' tfeel
thatway .Ifeel l
ostandIj ustdon' tbel ong.My
bodyl ooksl ikeat rainwreckont hei nsideand
outandIhav enoemot i
onal connect iont omy
babies.Ihav enodesi r
et ohol dthem, kissthem
orev enf eedt hem.Ihat emy selfforf eelingthis
way ,buti t
'soutofmycont rol.I'
m ashamed,
angryanddeepl ysaddened, whatki ndofa
mot herexper i
encessuchhar shfeel i
ngsf or
thei
rownf l
esh?I '
veprayedaboutt his,
medi tatedandst il
lnothing.AssoonasIcan
walk, Ineedt ogetoutofher ebef oreIi nfli
ctany
painonmyownchi l
dren.Ihav etol eav eand
tomor rowi st heday .

[
04/
19,
13:
23]Wdz:
[97]
*
*SI
YA*
*
I'
mi nZi nhl e'sroom int henewhouse, baski ng
i
nZi nhle'sscentasIl ayonherbed.I 'mr esting
onherpr egnancypi llow, andImustsay , it
's
i
ncredi blycomf ortable; nowondershedi dn't
mindt hatIwasn' taroundt ogi vehert hose
cuddlest hatshel ov edsomuch.Ist areatt he
ceil
ingasIt hinkofmycur rentst ateof
confusi on.I '
m elatedt hatZi nhlecamet o,my
fai
thi nGodhasbeenr estored, mypr ayer swer e
answer ed, butit'
sasi fherbodyi sZinhle'sbut
nothersoul .Wheni gazei ntoherey es, Isee
nothing, nozestf orlife,noador ati
onandl ove
foranyt hingal lIseei sempt iness.I'
m
perplexed, becauseshewasmor ethaneagert o
meetourki dswhi l
eshewaspr egnant ,sheev en
brokeupwi t
hmemul ti
pletimest ofocusonher
pregnancyandnowshecan' tst andthesi ghtof
Me, butwor stofall,shecan' tstandt hesi ghtof
herkids.
Dur i
ngZi nhle'spregnancy ,shewasobsessed
withal i
gningev er
ythingper fectl
ysothatt he
babieswer ebor nintoacomf ort
able
env i
ronmentandheal thy.Sheappl i
edsomuch
effortanddi scipli
nedur i
ngherpr egnancyand
nowsheseemssodi sconnect edfr
om r eali
ty,
i
t'sfrightening.Ithoughtt hatonceshewokeup,
thepi ecesofourpuzzl ewoul dali
gnthemsel v
es,
butitseemswehav eanot herproblem onour
hands, thewor stpartisthatmyhandsar etied
andIdon' tknowwher etobegi nintry
ingt o
resolvet his.

IwakeuponZi nhle'sbedafterfal
li
ngasl eepf or
awhi l
eandIgof reshenup.Idecidet ohead
backtot hehospitaleventhoughI'm wel l aware
ofthebr awlt
hatZi nhlewil
lmostpr obabl yst art
assoonasshel ay shereyesonme.I nt hecar
ri
detot hehospitalIhaveaconv ersationwi t
h
GodandasZi nhle'smom woul dsay ;Ithrowmy
burdensathisfeet .Ipar
kmycari nt hepr iv
ate
par kingl otandbr acemy selff orthev olcano
that '
saboutt oer uptwhenIpushmyway
throughi gnor ingZi nhl e'sor der sofbl ockingme
from v i
si ti
ngher .Imakemywayi nsideandt he
nur sesogl emef rom t het i
mei wal kthrought he
ent ranceunt i
l Ient ert heel evat or.Irollmyey es
i
nannoy ance, somewomenhav enoshame.
Notasi ngl est affmemberi sn'tawar eofmy
relationshi pwi thZi nhl e;hel lIhadhersui t
e
speci al l
yconst r
uct edf orher ,Isleptonahar d
stil
l ever yni ghtf oral mostt woweekswhi leshe
wasi nacoma, andt hesewomenhonest l
yt hink
thatI 'dgi v ethem ev enasecondgl ance.Iwoul d
getamal eonl yst afft otendt oZi nhlesot hatI
woul dn'tdeal witht hirstyv ultures,butI 'm not
hav ingr andom menpr odandexami neZi nhle's
bodyl iket hat.Imakemywayt oZinhl e'
sr oom
onceIl eav etheel ev atorandnot icethesecur i
ty
guar dsdozi ngandmyguar dsonal ert.I
acknowl edget hem andmakemywayi nside
Zinhl e'ssui t
e.Ient erandI 'mt hankful formy
f
astr
efl
exeswhenshet hrowsav asetowar ds
t
hedoor.I
tsmashesagainstthewallcloset o
meandshatt
ersint
opiecesont hefl
oor ,whil
e
t
hefr
eshrosesscatt
eraroundmyf eet.Iraise
myheadandnoti
cethatherfaceisred, herhair
i
smessyandshe'ssobbingquietl
y.
Myheartsi
nkswhenIseet
hissi
ghtandIsl
owl
y
i
nchtowardsher
.
Her-"No!Leave!Leavemeal one!Leavenow!"
Shescr eamshysteri
callywhilepunchingthe
bedwi thhersmallfi
sts.Irushbyhersi deand
engulfherbodywithmi ne.Shepunchesmy
chest,butIhol
dont oherev entighter
.Ifeel
her
tearssoakmyshi r
tandmyhear tfeel
sheavyas
Irockherbackandf orth.
Me-"
Sssshhhhbaby
,it
'sokay
.It
'sal
lokay
."
Shest
opsf
ight
ingandhol
dsont
omeaswel
l
.
Me-"What
'swr
ongmyl
ove?What
everi
tis;
it'
s
okay
."
Shepull
sawayandstar
esint
omyeyes.Her
puff
yeyesandswol
lenfacemakemewantto
cuddl
eherint
oshehasnomor et
ear
slef
ttocry
.
Her-"Okay?It
'snotOkay !I
sitokayforamot
her
todisl
ikeherchil
dren?Isthi
sOkay ?"She
shoutsassher i
psof fherhospi
talgown,
rev
ealinghernakedbody .
Her-"Whati sthis?Ti nathet al
kingtummy ?It
l
ooksl ikeI '
m stillpregnant!Iwentt hroughnine
monthsoft hisf orwhat ?Idon'thav ea
connect i
onwi t
hhumanbei ngst hatwer e
growingi nsideofme.Howi sthatpossi bl
e?I
sangt ot hem, conv ersedev erydaywiththem,
madet hem listent omyf avori
tearti
stsbutI
can'
tst andt oseet hem Now?I fiwer etogot o
thenur seryandt henur seswer etoaskwhi ch
aremi ne, Iwoul dn'tevenknow! "Shesobsi nmy
armsandIf eelat earthreatent ofall
downmy
cheek.
Me-"
Zinhl
e,pl
ease.
"
Her-"Siy
a,whenwi l
lthesehurdlesst
op?When
willIenj
oymylifeagainwithoutconcerns?The
nursesarerant
ingandr avi
ngabouty ou,then
there'
sPam.Ican'tcompet ewithanyoft hese
women, lookatme!"
Iti
ght
enmygr i
paroundherandpul
lhercl
oser
tome,butsheyel
psinpai
n.
Her
-"Mybr
east
s!"Shescr
eamsasshepushes
meaway.

Ishif
therbodyonthebedandcl
imbinbesi
de
her.Iopenhergownandtr
acepat
ter
nsonher
body.
It
rai
lmyf
ingeral
ongherr
ibcaget
henonher
st
omach.
Me-"Thi
swasourmunchki n'
shomef orni
ne
months.Youhousedourbabiesi
nsideofyou.
Theycall
edyourbeaut
if
ulstomachthei
rhome.
Regardl
essofwhatyou'
regoingthr
ough,
there'snot hingthatany onecouldev erdot o
changet hat.Youar ethosebabi esmot her,andI
knowt haty ouhav eanunf athomableamountof
l
ov ef orthem, justunlockitmyl ove.Ifonlyyou
couldseey oursel
fthroughmyey es,you'dwal k
aroundnakedar oundt hushospitalI'
m sure.I
thoughti twasn' tpossibletoloveyouev en
mor e, butaf t
ergivi
ngbi rt
htoourbabi es, t
here'
s
nodoubtt hatIdo.You' rephenomenal ,andI'
m
goingt ospendt herestofmyl i
feprov i
ngmy
l
ivef ory ou."
Her-"
Therestofy
ourl
i
feasboyf
ri
endand
gi
rl
fri
end?
"Shesayswhil
esul
ki
ng.
Me-"Idon'twantyoutorememberme
proposingtoyouasmehav i
ngpi t
yorwheny ou
wereinhospital
,soIwon'tdoittoday;but
Zinhl
enot hi
ngwouldmakemehappi erthan
accepti
ngmeasy ourl
if
epar t
nerandhusband
andy oubeingmyqueenandwi fe.We'
llgetthe
bestgelpwecan"Isaythenki ssherforehead.
Her-"
Pleasebri
ngmybabiesi
n."Shesay
swhi
l
e
sni
ffi
ngthroughhert
ear
s.
[
04/
19,
13:
26]Wdz:
[98]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Siya'
swor dsrevivealovei nmet hatIt hought
haddi ed.Al
thoughmyemot ionsar est il
l
scatteredever
ywher eandIdon' thav ecer tainty
regardingafewf acetsofmyl if
e,I'
m cer t
ain
thatinthedepthsofmyhear tandsoul ,I
possessal ovedeepert hant heoceansf ormy
familyandSiyai sri
ght;Ijustneedt ot api ntoi t
andf ull
yimmersemy selfinit.Siyaleav est 9go
fetchthemunchki nsandIassesst hemessI '
ve
createdaswel lasmyt ornni ghtgown.
Ispringoffthebedi napani candexperiencea
dizzyspel
l assoonasmyf eetmakecont act
withthefl
oor ,
thesedr ugsaretakinglongerto
war eofft
hanant i
cipated.Ifeelt
ensioninmy
stit
chesandIguessi t
'sthepainI'
llhaveto
sufferforaskingSt ev ent omakemel ookas
goodasnewdownt her e.Iholdontot he
furni
tureandsl owl ymakemywayt ot he
bathroom.If reshenupt othebestofmy
abili
ti
esandchangei ntoaf r
eshnight gown.I
makemywaybackt omybedandnot icet he
shatteredglassoft hev aseont hef l
oorand
crawl topickthepi ecesup.Iheart hedoorknob
turnandmyhear tbeati ncreasesdr ast icallyasI
closemyey esinant icipationofwhati st o
occur.Ismel lSiya'
sscentandIknowt hathe' s
withthemunchki ns, butI 'm overwhel medbymy
emot ions.Icontinuet of ocusmyat tent ionon
thefloorandpi ckingupt hebr okengl ass.
Siya-"
Ihavet
wooft hemostadorablehumans
thatwanttomeetthei
rmother
!"Hesay sinan
animatedvoi
ce.Ii
gnorehi
m andcont i
nueto
focusontheglasspi
ecesonthefloor.
Hi
m-"
Zinhl
e?"
Me-"
I'
mjustcl
eani
ngt
hisupqui
ckl
y.May
be
youshoul
dbr
ingt
hem backwhenI
'm done.
"I
saywit
hmybackfacedtowar
dshi
m.
Ihearhisfootstepsinchclosertowardsmeand
comet oahal twhenhe' smer el
yaninchaway
fr
om me.Hecr ouchesdownbehi ndmeand
holdsmef rom behind.Hegr absmyt rembli
ng
handsandt hrowst hepiecesofglasscradledin
myhandont othefloor.Heplantsafewwet
ki
ssesont henapeofmyneckandbr eathesin
myscent .
Him-"Zinhl
e,we'
lldothi
stogether
.You'
llbe
fi
ne."Hewhispersinmyear.Hegentlyhelps
mest andandafterafewmoment s,hespins
mear oundtofacehim.Heraisesmychinwi t
h
hi
sthumbandcupsmyf acewithhi
smascul i
ne
hands.
Hi
m-"Baby,
I'
m notgoingt
of or
ceyoutohold
t
hem,I'
mjustaski
ngthatyoumeetthem okay
?"
Hepl
eadswhilegazi
ngint
omyey es.
Inodsl
i
ght
lyandhegr
ipsmyhandasw3wal
k
towar dstheincubat or
s.They'r
epl acedsi
deby
sideandmyhear tracesthecloserIgettothem.
Afterasl owjourneyt omymunchki ns,we'
re
fi
nallylooki
ngdownont hem, IlookatSiyaand
henodsi nreassurancesoIr eleaseasighand
l
ookatt hem.AssoonasIsetmyey esonthei
r
mi ni
aturebodies, t
earsfall
downmycheeks.
Ibi
temyf i
ngernai
l
sasIgetlosti
nmyf amily.I
gazeupatSiyaandhisfacei
sbeamingfrom
happi
ness,It
hinkInot
iceateart
hatt
hreatens
tofal
l
.
Me-" Siya,t
hey '
reperfect
!"IsayasIhol dont
o
Siya'
smuscul ararm andr estmyheadonhi s
torso.Imov eev enclosert othem andtapon
eachi ncubatorwhilemyl ipscurveintoa
promi nentsmi l
e.
Me-"I'
my ourmommy !I
mt hev oi
ceyou'vebeen
l
ist
eningtoforalmostninemont hs.I
'm sorr
y
t
hatIhaven'tbeenthemot herthatI
'v
eal ways
wantedtobe, butIpr
omiset hatI
'l
lworkhardat
beingevenbett
erthant
hat.You'
reourperf
ect
l
ittl
ehumans."Isaywhi
lewipi
ngthestream of
tearsf
lowingdownmyf ace.
Si
ya-"
Yesy
ouar
e,Nt
ombi
kay
..
"
Me-"No!Nothappeni
ng!
"Isaywhil
ecoveri
ng
Siy
a'smouthwithmyhand.Webothchuckl
e
soft
lyandherestshi
sheavyar
m onmy
shoulder
.
Him-"
Thisi
sitf
orme.Thi
siswhatitmeansto
bewealt
hy.
"Hesay
sthenkissesmywetcheek.

Siy
aandIhav espokent oStev enr egar
dingmy
condit
ionandhe' shel pedinr eferr
ingar enown
psychologi
st.It'
sgr eatthatthedoct orisa
female,becauseSi yablanklyr efusedformet o
be"emot i
onallynaked"f oranot herman.I '
ve
att
endedaf ewsessi onswi t
hmypsy chologi
st
andsheof fi
ciall
ydi agnosedmeashav i
nga
mildcaseofpost partum depression.Thet i
tl
e
mademycondi t
ionsomuchmor ereal
isti
cand
fri
ghtening,butI'vehadt othi
nkofmyf amily
andsoI '
vewel comedt hehelpwi thopenar ms.I
hav en'
tseenmymot herormysi stersinceI
hav ebirt
h,becauseIdon' twantsy mpat hyor
pit
yf rom anyone.Idon' twantthiscondi ti
onto
bemyi dentit
y,sot hefewerpeopl eknowabout
i
tt hebetter.Idon'twantt obesuper vi
sedwhen
I'
m wi thmybabi esnordoIwantt he
responsibil
ityoftakingcareoft hem t ofall
on
any oneelseot herthanSiyaandmy self
.

Siyahasbeenadr eam dur i

ngthisphase,and
sometimesIhav et opinchmy selftomakesur e
thatI
'm notdaydreami ng.He'sst eppedupand
becomet hemant hatI'vealway sknownhei s.
He'sbeenpatient,understandi
ngandi ncr
edi
bly
supporti
veandIhonest l
ydon'tthinkIwould
havebeenabl etomaket heamountofpr ogr
ess
thatI
'vemadei nthisshor tper
iodoft i
me.
Ibreastfedt hemunchki nsforthefir
stti
me
yesterdayandIf eelev
encl osertothem now.
Siyainsistedonski ppi
nghi smeet i
ngstowatch
andt akeaf ewphot osoft hepreciousmoment .
West i
llhaven'tnamedt hebabies,sowest i
ll
ref
ert ot hem asmunchki n1and2; anyt
hingi
s
betterthant hehideousnamest hatSiy
acame
upwi th.
We'repackingmybel ongings,becausewe' r
e
headinghomet oday.I'
m abal lofnerves,
becauset hemunchkinswi l
lbedi scharged
wit
hinaf ewdays,andIj usthopeandpr aythat
I
'l
lbepr eparedf
orthenextst ep.
Stevenbar
gesi
nasSi
yazi
pst
hel
astofmy
bags.
Stev
en-"Sothisisit
,it
'sbeenonehel
lofa
j
ourneyZinhl
e!"Heinchesclosert
ogiv
emea
hug,buti
sintercept
edbySi y
a.
Si
ya-"
Thatwon'
tbehappeni
ng,
especi
all
yinmy
pr
esence.
"St
evensof
tl
ychuckl
eswhil
eshaki
ng
hi
shead.
Steven-"Well
,Ijustwant edtogiv
ey outhi
s
prescri
pti
onandwi shy ouwellonthenext
phaseofy ourjourney.Ohandnohumpi ngeach
otherli
kerabbitsunti
l Isayso.
"
Siy
a-"SoIneedt
oaskanothermanfor
permi
ssiontomakel
ovetothemotherofmy
chi
ldr
en?"
Me-"
Steven,
don'
twor
ry,
we'
l
lbeabst
aini
ngf
or
awhi
le.
"
Siya-"
Awhi
l
e?Howl
ongi
sthat
?Amont
h,a
year?"
Me-"Wecantalkaboutthi
slat
er.
"Si
yaseems
annoy
ed,Inoti
cehisfacet
urnredandhi
svei
ns
bul
gefrom hi
sfor
ehead.
Stev
en-"Wel
lyoubothhav emynumber,good
day.
"Witht
hatheleaves.Inot
iceSi
ya'
s
fr
ustr
ati
onssoIwalkupt ohim.
Me-"
Nyat
hi,
wehav
etof
oll
owdoct
or'
sor
der
s,
andbesidesy
ouknowt hatI'm deal
ingwi
th
someissuesIcan'
teventhinkofbeingnaked
andi
ntimateri
ghtnow."Isaywhi l
egazi
ngint
o
hi
seyes.
Him-"Igetitbabe,butdi scussingmysexl if
e
withanothermani sev enmor ef rustr
ati
ng
especial
lywheni practical
lyhav eblueball
s."He
saysinawhi ni
ngv oice.Hegr ipsmyhandand
placesitonhismonst rousbul ge.
Me-"Gr
eatthingscometothosewhowait
."I
sayasIreachupandplantasoftki
ssonhi
s
l
ips.
Me-"
Pleasedowai
tSi
ya.
"Ipl
eadwi
thhi
m.
Him-"Evenifitt
akesfor
ever
.Mybal
lswil
l
probabl
yf al
loff
,butwhoneedst
hem?"Hesay
s
sarcast
icall
y.
Me-"
Siy
a!"IsayasIgent
lypunchhi
m.
Hi
m-"
Let
'sgohomebabymama.
"
Me-"
I'
mreadybabydaddy
!"
[
04/
19,
13:
27]Wdz:
[99]

*
*ZI
YANDA*
*
I'
vebeenst uckbet weenar ockandahar dpl ace
foraboutt hepastt woweeks.I '
vesuf feredf rom
awhi rl
windofemot ionswi t
hinashor tspaceof
ti
me, andsoI 'vedel vedbacki ntomyact ivi
ties
atthefaci l
iti
esandt riedtoi gnoretheout side
world.Iwi shi twasaseasyasi tsounds, buti t
's
farfrom it.Thedayt hatZi nhlesli
ppedi ntoa
comawaspr obabl yt hemostdi ff
icultdayofmy
enti
reexi stence.Ev ery t
hinghappenedsof ast ;
wewer echasedoutofhersui t
ethenwhatf elt
l
ikeami nutel ater, scr eamsoft hefirstbaby
werehear dthr ought hedoor .Ihadmyeargl ued
againstthedoor , andmyhear twasr acingi n
anti
cipationf ort henextbabyt ojoinusi nthe
world.Ev eryt
hi ngaf tert hatwasabl ur, t
he
secondbabywoul dn' tcryandIcoul dhear
heartwrenchi ngcr i
esf r
om Si yaashepl eaded
withZi nhletowakeup.Thesi ghtofmymot her
crouchedi nt hepassagewayont hefloor
prayi
ngr el
ent l
esslyt oGodst i
ll
f l
oodsmyey es
witht earstilthisday .Irememberbar gingi nto
Zinhle'ssuiteandseei ngherl ayingl i
felesson
thebed, wi t
hSi yahov eringov erherbar king
orderst oany onewhowoul dl i
sten.Ir emember
holdi
ngmybr eathast heytookt hesecondbaby
awayandf ocusedonr ev i
vi
ngZi nhle.Brandon
whiskedmeawayandbef oreIknewi t,Iwasi n
mybedatt hef acil
itywi thBr andon' sarms
wrappedt i
ght lyaroundmyqui veringbody .The
foll
owi ngmor ning,Iwokeupt ohi m stari
ngat
meandsmi l
ing, It
hinkt heonl yr easonwhyI
wasabl etogetsomer estwasbecauseIwasi n
hisembr ace.Thatwast hel astt i
meIsawhi m.

Brandonhast r
ieddayandnighttoseeme
sincethatday,
butI'
vebeenactiv
elyavoi
ding
him.Iignorehi
ssignat
ureknockonmydoori n
themor ni
ngsandhiscatcall
ingoutsi
demy
windowi nt heev enings.Iensur et hatmydoor
andwi ndowsar el ockedatal ltimes, andt hatI
don' twanderof fwi t
houtagr oupofpeopl e
surroundi ngme.It r
iedcont acti
ngSi yatheday
afterZi nhlesl ippedi ntoacoma, butt onoav ai
l.
Mymot hergav emesoundadv iceandIdeci ded
totakei t;shet ol dmet ogi v eSiy aspaceand
focusonbei ngahundr edper centheal t
hyso
thatIcanr eturnt oZi nhlebei ngofsoundmi nd.
Sli
ppi ngbacki nt odepr essi onwoul dn'tbe
benef icialtoany one, soI '
v ebeent ackli
ngmy
recov erymor eaggr essi vely.Br andonwoul dbe
j
ustast epbackwar dsi nt er msofmyemot ional
heal ingj our ney ,becausewhenev erIgazei nto
hisey es, Inot icescept icism andal ackoft rust,
whi chi sobv i
ousl yattribut edt omyi ncidentwi th
hisf at her.I'mt errifi
edt hathe' l
l rej
ectmeonceI
tel
l hi m whathappenedandIdon' tknowi fI'
ll
surv ivet hat ,soI '
dr atherhol dther eignsand
nav igat eust hr ought hist umul tuousj ourney .
Ijustrecei vedwor dthatZi nhleisbei ng
dischar gedandal mostonherwayhome, she's
beendi stantwi t
houtasi nglephonecal lfrom
her,butIassumet hat'
swhathappenswheny ou
givebirtht ot wins,timef orany thingand
anybodyel sedr astical
lydi minishes.I '
m so
happy ,especi all
ysi ncemypr ogr ammeends
tomor row, Ij
ustwantt odr ownmy selfinmy
nephewandni ece.I'm celebratingbywat ching
aaser i
esonmyl aptopint hecommunal lounge
alonewi t
hagl assofspar kli
nggr apej uiceand
butterflav oredpopcor n.Doct orSar ahbought
met hegoodi esandIcansaf elysayt hatI 'm
happy .Ihearf ootstepsdr awcl oserbehi ndme
andIassumet hatit'sj
ustanot herpat ient, but
I'
m sur prisedt oseeanot herfami l
iarfacesi t
besideme.
Me-"Ntobeko!How?When?
"Hesof
tl
ychuckl
es
andshakeshishead.
Hi
m-"Heybabe!
"Hesay
sashesmot
her
smei
n
ahug.
Ntobekoi stheguyImetwhi l
ehavingl unch
withZinhleaf ewmont hsago.Wef orgeda
greatfri
endshipov erthemont hs,andaf t
erI
disappearedof ft
her adar,ideci
dedt ol ethi
mi n
onwher eI'v
ebeenwhenInot i
cedaf l
oorof
emai l
sandt extsfrom him whenIf i
nallygot
accesst omyl aptop.Hesentmeal argepar cel
yesterdaywithalifesizedteddybearanda
bouquetoff lowers.
Me-"Howdidy
ougeti
nher
e?"IaskasIpunch
hi
m gent
ly.
Him-"Itoldthesecuri
tyguardsthatI'
my our
rel
ati
vef r
om overseas,Ihadtopulloffmybest
Americanaccent.Iguesst heybel
ievedme
becauseofy oursli
ghtaccentaswel l
,sohereI
am."Hesay sshrugginghisshoulders.Wehug
forawhi l
ethenIfinal
lypullaway.
Hi
m-Sowhatar
ewewat
chi
ng?
"
Me-"
Thatser
iesthaty
ou'
vebeenrant
ingand
r
avi
ngabout!
"Isay.Hepul
l
smei nandIlaymy
headonhisshoul
deraswebothwatch
att
ent
ivel
y.Ourmomentisi
nterr
upt
edwhen
someoneclear
sthei
rthr
oatbehi
ndus.
Br
andon-"
Mindi
fIj
oin?
"
Hesaysinadeepv oicethatcommands
att
enti
on.Hewal ksar oundtofaceuswi t
hhis
handsinhispocketsandoneey ebrowrai
sed.I
rol
lmyey esbecauseIr eal
izethatmytasteof
rel
axat
ionhasoff i
cial
lybeenruined.
Br
andon-"
Ziy
anda,
awor
d?"
Me-"Br
andoncanwet al
ksomeot herti
me
pl
ease?Ihavecompany.
"Isaywithoutl
ooki
ng
athi
ssuddenlyi
nti
midat
ingface.
Brandon-"Real
ly?Shal
lwetalkinfrontofyour
guestthen?Heyman, Ihopey oudon'thav
ea
fat
her,otherwi
seI'
dadviseyout okeephim and
herseparated.
"Hesayst oNtobeko.
Me-"
That
'si
t!Nt
obeko,
let
'sgot
omyr oom.
"
Nt
obekoobl
i
gesashejumpstohisf
eetand
hel
psmeup.Brandoncomesinbetweenusand
snat
chesmyhandfrom Nt
obeko'
sgri
p.
Br
andon-"
Sothisi
swhyy ou'
vebeenav
oidi
ng
mefortwoful
lweeks?You'
resl
eepi
ngwith
hi
m?"
Ntobeko-"Sowhatifsheis?Youmightwantt
o
l
oosent hatgr
ip.
"Hesay swhil
epoint
ingatmy
wristt
hat'
sbeingsuffocat
edbyBrandon'
shand.
Me-"
Ntobeko,youcanwai
tinmyr
oom.
Br
andon,l
et'
stalk.
"
Br
andon-"
Ithi
nky
oushoul
dleav
e."
Ntobekol
ooksatmeseeki
ngr
eassur
ancesoI
nodandhesighs.
Nt
obeko-"Cal
lmebabe.
"Ismil
eathi
m andhe
di
sappear
stowar
dstheexi
t.
Me-"
Whatdoy
ouwant
?"
Br
andon-"
Yousureashel
lmoveonfast
,fr
om
Me,myfat
herandnowit'
shi
m,al
li
namat terof
afewweeks.
"
Me-"Pl
easel
eav
e,Idon'thav
etheener
gyf
or
t
his.
"Isayi
nacalmvoice.
Brandon-"
Tellme.Please.I
'
vebeencracki
ng
myheadf orthepasttwoweeksandIf i
ndyou
herewithanotherman.What'sgoi
ngon?"
Me-"I
fyout
hinkI
'
m sl
eepi
ngwi
thhal
fofthe
worl
d,t
henwhydoyoucar
e?Whyareyou
her
e?"
Br
andon-"
Ilov
eyouZi
yanda.
"
Me-" I
st hi
slove?Grippingont omywr ist
viol
ent lyunti
lIgetabr uise?Isloveinsulti
ngmy
char acterinfrontofanot herman?I sn'tl
ove
patientandki nd?Br andon, t
hisiswhyIdi dn't
wantt oseey ou,youmakemequest i
onmy
char acteranddoubtmysel fworth.Ifeell
ike
scum f orwhathappenedwi thyourfather,butI
toldmy sel
fthatInev erwantt ofeelthisway
again."
Brandon-"
Ziy
anda,
howdoesoner
eacty
onews
l
ikethi
s?"
Me-"Idon'tknow,butyoudon'
tevenknowwhat
happened!I'
veliv
edmywhol eli
fethi
nkingand
beli
evi
ngt hatI
'm awhore,
aslut,l
oosebutI'
m
done.I'
m putti
ngmyhappinessfir
st.I
'
m anew
aunt,I
'
vegotsomucht obehappyandgr at
eful
forand..
"
Bef
oreIcancompl
etemysentence,
Brandon
smasheshi
ssoftl
i
psont
omi ne.
Me-"Br an.
."Hesil
encesmewi thheranot her
sult
rykiss.Heclosesthesmal l
gapbetweenus
andhol dsmei natightembr ace.Mythroat
rel
easessof tmoansandIhearhi m gr
unt
beneathhisbreath.Hissof tki
ssestur
ni nto
aggressiveonesandIf eelmyl i
psswellfrom
theattackofhis.Hef i
nall
ypullsawayandIgr ip
ontohisshouldertomai ntainmybalance.
Him-"I'
m sorr
y,Ij
usthadto."Hesayswhile
star
ingdeepintomyey es.Inodsl
ight
ly,
asItr
y
torecoverfr
om theexhil
arat
ingmomentwe
j
ustshared.
Brandon-"
Ziy
anda, Iknowthatyoufeelwhatwe
haveisspeci
al.Sowhyar eyouentert
aini
ng
othermen?Arey outwotogether?
"
Me-"Brandon,f
ir
stlyofallyouneedtor eeli
n
yourtemperandaggr essi
on, ot
herwi
seI '
ll
make
surethatyouneverseemeagai n.Nt
obekoi s
myf r
iendandthat'
sit,don'
tmakei tseem like
youownMe, I
'
m notany one'sproper
ty.
"
Him-"Iknow,I
'm usual
l
yacal
m person,butwi
th
you.
.Ijustwantyoutomysel
f,i
sthatsobad?"
Me-"
Wear
en'
tev
enani
tem Br
andon.
"
Him-" That'
swhyI '
m here, It
houghtIcouldwalk
awayandwi thti
mei sforgetaboutyou,butit
's
nothappeni ng.I
t'
sbeenweeksandy ou'
resti
ll
i
nmyheadZi yanda.Youri nf
ecti
ouslaugh,y
our
smi l
e,thewayy oumakemef eelwhenI'm
aroundy ou;Ican'
tli
vewi thoutThat,
Ican'tl
iv
e
withoutyou!"
Hepul
l
smecl
oserunt
ilwe'
reski
ntoski
n.
Me-"
Yourf
ather
?Us?
"
Him-"Iwanttof
orgetaboutwhateverhappened,
Idon'
tneedyoutotell
meabouti t.Iknowthat
youfeelt
hesamewayaboutme. "Hesay sas
hecupsmyf acewit
hhissofthands.
Him-"Iknowy ourheart,
andIknowy ourpuri
ty,
youwoul dneverhurtmei nt
enti
onall
y,soI'l
lcut
myf atheroutofourli
vesandlet'
sjustfocuson
us.PleaseYanda."Iseethesinceri
tyinhiseyes
andIf eelt
helovewithi
nthedept hsofmysoul .
Ibli
nkandat eartr
avel
sdownmycheek.Igaze
deepintohiseyesandnodwhi
l
esmili
nglikea
schoolgir
l.
Br
andon-"Soit'
soffi
cial
?We' r
eathi
ng?Isthat
evenwhatit
'scall
ed?"Ichuckl
esoft
lyandbit
e
onmybottom li
p.
Me-"ShutupandkissMe!"IsayasIr
eachf
or
hi
sfaceandengulfhisl
i
pswi thmyown.
It
'salmostdawn, andBr andonandIar elayi
ng
besideeachot heronmybed.We' veenjoyed
oursil
entmoment swher ewe'djustl
istento
eachot her'sbreathi
ng,we'velaughedandwe' ve
defi
nitelyallowedourlipstomakecont actand
nowI '
mj ustbaskinginthismoment .
Brandon-"
Pleasepromiseyou'l
lkeepy our
fr
iendshi
pwi t
hthatguyNtobeko;andanyot her
guyatadistance.I
'
mj ustnotcomf or
table.
"
Me-"Ntobekoi
sn'
tenti
relyst
raight
.He'l
l
probabl
yemail
met omor r
owabouty ourgood
l
ooks.Hebatsforbot
ht eams,sonot hanks.
"I
seehismouthcurvei
ntoaslightsmil
e.
Him-"Oh!
"saysashesuddenl
yli
ft
smeof ft
he
bedandplacesmeontopofhi
mi nast
raddl
ing
posi
ti
on.
Ifeel
hismembersnuggl
ebet
weenmythi
ghs
andIshif
twhi
l
ehegr i
psont
omywaist
.
Him-"
Ijustwantt
ofeelcl
osert
oyou,
I'
ll
wai
tfor
howeverl
ong,Ipr
omise.
"
Me-"Closerl
ikethi
s?"Icrouchdownandni bbl
e
onhisearthenlowermyl ipstohisneck.I
gentl
ymassagehi sbulget hr
oughhispants
thenl
ickmyl i
psandgr oan.
Me-"
Mmmh?
"
Him-"
ZiyandaDon'tstar
tsomethi
ngyouwon'
t
beabl
et ofi
nish.
"Hesay st
hroughgr
it
tedt
eet
h
asheinhal
esdeepbr eat
hs.
Me-"WhosaysIwon'
t?"Iwhi
speri
nhi
sear
whi
lebl
owinghotai
rintoi
t.
[
04/
19,
13:
28]Wdz:
**BONUS*
*

*
*ZI
YANDA*
*

Iwakeupi nthemor ni
ng,drapedinBrandon's
arms.Itakeinhisscentandsmi l
easIpl anta
softki
ssonhi scheek.Het wi
tchessli
ghtlythen
purrshi
slipsashesnor essoftl
y.Iatt
ackhis
facewit
hsof tki
ssesunt i
lheeventual
lyopens
hosey
es.
Him-" Ziy
anda! "Hesay sashey awnsand
str
etches.Ist areathisbar erippedphy si
que
andl uckmyl ipsasIt hinkofhowmagi calour
fi
rstnightofi nti
macywoul dbe.Lastnight,we
bothhady opr act
icesomer estrai
nasBr andon
decidedt hatitwoul dbebesti fwewai tedtobe
i
ntimat erather.Ifeelmy sel
fev enmore
attr
actedt ohi m,becauseIknowt hatitwasn't
easybuthepr i
ori
tizedmyr awemot i
onsov er
hi
sownper sonaldesi r
e.
Myeyesscanhissexybodyt henlandonhis
morni
ngerecti
on.Iclearmythroatandwhenhe
l
ooksatmei nconfusionIgest
uretohis
memberwithmyey es.Hesmi l
esmi schi
evousl
y
andspri
ngsoffthebed, maki
nghiswayt othe
bat
hroom.
Him-"Stopstar
ingatmyass,thisissexual
harassment!I
fyouconti
nuetoey emel i
kethis,
I
'l
lbef or
cedtomakey ourai
nlikeahurricai
n."I
t
hrowapi
l
lowathi
m andgi
ggl
etomy
sel
fsof
tl
y.

Ideci
detoj oi
nhimintheshowerwhenihear
thewaterrunni
ng.Iswal
lowasmalll
umpi nmy
thr
oatwhenIseehi minhisnakedgl
oryasthe
watercascadesdownhistorso.
Hesmilesandpushesmeagai nstthedooras
heat
tacksmyl i
pswithhis.Il
etoutasil
ent
murmurasheni bbl
esonmyneckt henengul
fs
mybreastwit
hhi smouth.
If
eelhi
smembergrowbythesecondand
wi
thi
naf l
ash,
hest
opsandtur
nshisbackto
me.
Hi
m-"
No,
wecan'
t
.Pl
easescr
ubmyback.
"
Isi
ghheav
il
yandgat
hermy
sel
fthengr
abt
he
l
oofer
.
Me-"Br
andy,It
hinkweshouldaddresst
hepink
el
ephanti
ntheroom.Ithinkt
hatoncewe
deci
detobeinti
mate,
thiswil
lbeatthebackof
yourmindsoIwantustobef
rank.
"Heshr
ugs
hisshoul
der
sandrest
shisar
m onthewal
l.
Me-" Patri
ckcamei ntomyr oom af
termy
hypnotherapysession.Hesai dsomet hi
ngt hat
tr
iggeredmebacki ntohy pnosi
ssowhenI
spoket ohim Iwasn'tofconsciousmi nd.Iwas
getti
ngr eadyforbedsoIwasj ustinmy
underwearandal ooselytiedni
ghtgown.He
creptupbehi ndmeandmysubconsci ous
assumedi twasyou, Ievencall
edhim byy our
name.Het hrewmeonmybedandsnuggl e
hi
msel fbet weenmyl egs.."
Br
andon-"
Ziy
anda,
don'
t.
."
Me-"Ihaveto.Myey eswerecl osedast heyare
duri
ngasessi onandmymi ndwasel sewher e.
Heplantedgent l
ekissesonmyt hi
ghsleading
uptomycooki ethenrippedoffmyunder wear.
Hisaggressi
onr esembl edthatofmyuncl eas
heinser
tedtwof ingersinsi
deofmev i
olentl
y.
Mymi ndturnedt othememor i
esofmyr apist
andIt riedt owar dhi m of fofMe, buthe
becameanani mal possessed.Ical l
edhi m
Bhekumuzi becauseofmyunst ablement al
stateandi tannoy edhi mt ot hepointwher ehe
wrappedhi shandar oundmyneckandor dered
met ocompl y .Thei nsultsf l
oodedi n, hesaidI
wasadi stract ionf oryouandheneededy ou
backi nt hest at es, butwi thmear oundy ou
woul dn'tleav e.Hesai dt hathe' sappar ent
ly
donei tbef oreandi twor kedandbar kedon
abouthowev er ywomani st hesame.Thi swent
onf orawhi leunt ilIslippedoutofhy pnosisand
fell
asl eep.Iwokeupt of i
ndhi m st
ar i
ngatme,
het henel udedt hatIwasanani mal i
nbedt he
previousni ghtandt hat'sal lIcansayabouti t
becauset hat '
sal lIknow. "Ibr eatheoutasi gh
ofreliefasIf eel l
ikeawei ghthasbeenl if
tedoff
myshoul der s.
Me-"
I'
m sor
ry.I
'
m sosor
ry.
"Iwhi
sper
.
Br
andontur
nsaroundandcupsmyfacewit
h
hi
shandswhil
egazingdeepi
ntomyeyes.
Hi
m-"Ineverwanttohearyouapologizefor
t
hatni
ght.Ther
e'snothi
ngtoapologizefor,I
'm
t
heonewi t
hanani malforafat
her.
"Heki sses
mycheekandwal ksoutoftheshower.
Me-"
Wher
ear
eyougoi
ng?
"
Him-"Sincehewantstobehaveli
keawil
d
animal,
heshouldbekil
ledorcagedli
keone.
"
Hedisappearsoffi
ntothebedr
oom andIhear
thedoorbangclosedshort
lyaf
terwar
ds.
Me-"
Lord,
pleasedon'
tl
ethi
m doany
thi
ng
st
upi
d."

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*

I'
vejustspentmyfirstdaydaybacki nmynew
homeandmycomf ortabl
ebed.Siyaiswr apped
aroundmel ikei
vyandIf eel
hismor ning
erecti
onslowlyr
isetoat t
ent
ion.Ishif
toffthe
bedaf t
ersomest r
uggleofuntangli
nghi sheavy
ar
msof
fofme.
Hegr oansl oudly,butsoonf al
lsasl eepagain.I
makemywayt ot hebat hroom anddeci deto
takeabat h.Il
ockt hedoorbecauseIdon' twant
Siyabar ginginandIneedsomet i
meal one.I
relaxi nt hebathwhi l
eplayingKennyGi nthe
backgr ound.IhearSi y
a'sknocksf r
om a
distancebutIbl ockt hem andf ocusonmy
relax ation.Aft
erawhi leinthet ub,Icarefull
yget
outandcl eanthet ubt henheadt othev anit
y
mi rror.Iloti
ont henappl ymi ni
mal makeupand
makemywayt ot hebedr oom t ofinda
breakf asttr
ayont hebedwi t
hal lmyf avorit
e
goodi es.Idigin,butI '
m sooni nterrupt
edbya
violentknockont hedoor .Iopenandf indmy
mom whol ookslesst hanpl easedt oseeme.
Me-"
Ma
Her-"I'
m sur
pri
sedy ouevenrememberwhatt
o
cal
lme.Yourf i
rstdayfrom t
hehospi
tal
andyou
don'tcomeoutofy ournestt
ogreety
our
mother?You'r
eal r
eadysleepingwit
huSiya?
Marri
edcouplesdon'tevenshar eabedforat
l
eastthreemont hsaft
erhav i
ngababy .Most
womenmov ebackt othei
rmot her'
shomes,
andherey ouareplayi
ngsexki t
ten.
"
Me-"
Ma!Wear
enoti
nti
mat
e."
Her-"Gir
ly,asofnowy out
wowi l
lnotsharea
room, l
etaloneshar
eabed!Taket hi
s."She
shovedal ongthi
ckpieceofcl
othwithabelt
i
ntomyar ms.
Her-"Tieyourstomach, youdon' twantt olook
pregnantafteryou'
veal r
eadygi venbi rth.That
whitechocolatetwigisal r
eadychasi ngaf t
er
yourman.Let '
sgot ot hekitchen,youneedt o
pumpsomemi lktotaket othebabi est oday.I
hopet hatbl
ankex pressionmeansy ou'redoing
kegall
sr i
ghtnow."Shesay swithherr aised
eyebrows.
Her
-"I
'vegottheperf
ectnamesf
ort
he
munchkins!Whayabouti
fwenamedthegi
rl
af
terme?
"
Me-"
Ma,
I'
ll
thi
nkabouti
t.Letmef
ini
shmy
f
ood.
"
Her
-"It
hinknot
.Fol
l
owme.Now!
"
Ifoll
owbehindherwhi l
esheshowsmehowt o
ti
et hebel
t,IseeSiyaapproachi
ngandpl
ead
withmyey esforhimtor escuemebuthewal
ks
i
nt heoppositedi
recti
on.
Mom-" Ihopey ou'r
egoingtoZinhl
e'sroom t
o
takeal
l ofyourstuffoutMrNyathi
!"Shesaysin
anauthorit
ati
vet one.
Si
ya-"
YeboMa.
"
[
04/
19,
13:
29]Wdz:
[100]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
It
'sbeenaweeksinceI
'
vebeendischarged
fr
om thehospi
tal
andI'
veslowl
ybecome
accustomedtoanewrout
ine.I
t'
shelpedwith
mynewmommyanxi etyanddeal ingwi ththe
stressofj uggl i
ngt hev ariousaspect sofmyl i
fe
suchasschool andt hedai l
yhospi talvisit
s.My
routinei sasf oll
ows: myal ar m soundsat
03:30am, Iheadt ot hebat hroom t ofreshenup
andchangei nt omygy m gearandat04: 00am I
headoutf ora4km j og.Ofcour seSi yawoul d
nev eral l
owmet ojogal one, soheal way shas
oneofhi sgoonsdr i
v i
ngbehi ndme.I '
m
ashamedt osayt hatmyf irstmor ningof
j
oggi ngwasadi smal fail
,af terar guingwi th
Siyat hepr evi
ousni ghtfori mposi nghi smenon
Me, Iwasext remel yr el
ievedt hathedi d
becauseIbar elymadei tto1km, needl esst o
sayt hatIwaspant ingbr eat hlessi nthe
backseatonmywayhomehar dly20mi nut es
l
ater .I '
m gladwi t
ht hepr ogr esst hatI '
vemade
thoughnow, okayper hapst hewor d" j
ogging
wasast rongchoi ceofwor d, thecor rect
termi nologywoul dpr obabl ybebr iskwal king.
Uponmyr eturnf rom my" jog"Iusual lyheadt o
thekitchenandpr epareasmoot hieformy self
thenheadt othepat iowher eIi
mmer semy self
i
na45mi nut
ey ogasessi on.Bytheti
meI '
m
donewi thmymor ningwor kout
,therestofthe
housei sawake.Att histi
meusual l
y,thearoma
ofaf ullbreakfastfi
llstheairout
sideandt he
l
oudchuckl esf r
om mymom andSi yaresonate
throught hebust l
eoft hetreesandthechirping
bir
ds.
They '
vebecomequi tet heduo, withtheirli
tt
le
i
nsidej okesandunspokenl anguage.Al though
Siyahiredev enmor est affonceIcameback
from thehospi tal,mymot heri nsistsonmaki ng
breakfasther self.Shewant stoensur ethatthe
headoft hehousehol disf uell
edandener gi
zed
forthedaysosi nceIdon' tbot herwi t
h
breakfastshe' sassumedt hatr esponsibili
ty
herself.Ther estofmydayi salsousual ly
monot onousasIpumpmi lkfort hemunchki ns,
showert henspendt her estoft hedayatt he
hospital.Siyausual l
yj oinsmef rom mi dday
unt i
ltheev eningsoIr eal
lyam conf usedast o
who' sr unni nghisbusinesses, butI'
m not
compl aining.It'
sbeenawkwar dbetweenus
sincehemov edoutofmyr oom, weactl i
ke
school kidsaf raidtogetcaughtbyt heirparent
s
andt hepr incipl
es.Wedon' twantt ojinxour
relati
onshi pbyst eppi
ngout sideofour
boundar ieswhi chwear en'tevenf ul
lyawar eof.
Sowe' ver esor t
edt oshorthugsandashor tki
ss
her eandt hereev ersooften.

Istr
etchmybodyonmymonst r
osi t
yofabed
andy awnint heprocessasIsear chthesheet s
formyphone.Myhandl andsonamuscul ar
thi
ghandIj umpbacki nconfusi
on.Myey es
shootopenasIsl owlytur
nmybodyar oundt o
facethisi
ntruder.Ifi
ndanamusedSi yast ar
ing
backatme, wi t
hacheekysmi l
epl asteredon
hishandsomef ace.
Me-"
Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?"Iwhi
spert
ohi
m.
Hepr
odshi
supperbodyupandyanksmy
t
owar
dshiminoneeff
ort
lesst
ug.
Me-"
Siy
a!"Isayasmybodysl
amsagai
nsthi
s.
Him-" Ssshhhh. "Hewhi spersashecov ersmy
mout hwithhi s.Il ayst il
lasI'm mesmer i
zedby
hishazel ey est hatev entuall
ycloseashe
i
nt roducedhi st onguet omyshyandqui vering
l
ipsandsepar at est hem inasi nglemov ement .
Hist ongueswi ftlybr ushesagai nstevery
crev i
ceofmymout hl ikeanar t
istapply
ing
gent l
est rokest ohi scanv as.Thekiss
i
nt ensif
iesasher aisesmyar msandwr aps
them ar oundhi sbr oadneck.I '
mi nastateof
euphor i
aasIf eel oursoul sconnectonceagai n
andhi sdesi ref ormei sevidentfrom t
hedeep
groansbeneat hhi sbr eathandhi smonst ert hat
seemseagert oj ointhepar ty.Hishandsr oam
from myl egsandmaket heirwayupwar dsas
hest rokesmyt highst hentracesgentlecircles
ov ermyunder wear .Iknowt hatwehav e
boundar ies,butf ornowIwantt oenjoythis
momentsoIdon' tpr
otesty et
.Hishandt r
av el
s
upwardsandmakescont actwithmyst omach,
howev erit'
ssinchedbyt hathideousbeltthat
mymot hergav eme.Mycheeksf l
ushin
embar rassmentandIqui cklynudgehi sbody
ontopofmi neinanattemptt odistracthi
m.I
yel
pouti npainashiswei ghtpressesagainst
myheav ychest.Hejumpsof fofmeandst ands
besidet hebedwi thalookofhor roronhisface.
Hi
m-"
Babe,
didIhur
tyou?
"
Me-"Yes,no!I
'mfine.Comeback."Isounda
l
it
tlemoredesperatethanI'
dwishto,butIdo
needhimr i
ghtnow,prideasi
de.Siy
alooks
horri
fi
edsoIcrawl t
owardshim andnudgehis
arm.
Me-"Please.
"Ipl
eadwi
thhim whi
lebat
ti
ngmy
ey
elashes.Heshr
ugshi
sshoulder
sand
ev
entuall
yjoi
nsmeinbed.
Me-"
I'
llbeback.
"Iki
sshim onthecheek,
grab
mybreastpumponthecornert
ablethenj
og
towardsthebat hroom.Isitont heedgeoft he
batht
ubandl owermyni ghti
easIsetupt he
pumpmachi ne.Iappl ythepadsandwat chas
themilkexpel sf r
om myenl argedbr easts.A
fewmoment sl aterIhearthedoor knobt urnand
Siyabargesin.It urnmybackt ohim asf astasI
canandcl osemyey esasIbracemy sel
ffor
what'
st ohappen.
Siya-"Whydi
dyouhav
et ocomeinher
etodo
that?"Hesay
sashecrouchesbehi
ndme.
Me-"
Siy
a,I
'
llbeouti
nami
nut
eokay
?"
Him-"No,
notokay.Whatar
eyoudoi
ngi
nhere?
Iknowyoubreast
feedsowhyar
eyouhi
dingi
n
here?
"
Me-"Pl
easedon'
tmaket
hisuncomf
ort
abl
efor
me."
Him-"
Youdon'tt
hinki
t'
suncomf ort
ableforme?
Youhavet
oleavemeiny ourbedsoy oucan
pumpfoodforourmunchkinsi
nt hebathroom?
What'
sgoi
ngon? "
Me-"
Siy
aPl
ease.
"
Hi
m-"No,
tel
lMe!
"Hesay
sinanaggr
avat
ed
t
one.
Me-" Youwoul dn'
tgeti t
.You' r
easexsy mbol,
ri
ppedabsandmuscl esevenony ourears.You
don'tknowwhati t'sli
ket olookint hemirror
andnotr ecognizey ourbody .Guesswhat ?Once
you'vegiv enbirt
h,youst i
lllookpregnant
aft
erwar ds.Ihav etowearagi r
dleorwhat ever
thehellthi sthi
ngis.Mybr eastsareheav yand
painfulandt hesizeofwat ermelonssoy ou
wantmet owhi pthem outandpumpi nfrontof
thewor ld? "
Him-"Nott heworld,t
hef atherofyourki
ds.The
manwho' sti
rel
esslyprofessedhisundyi
nglove
foryou.Themanwhopl ansonhav ingmore
kidswithy ouandspendingt herestofhi
slif
e
withyou!"Hesay sashehol dsontomy
shoulder.
Hesi
tsi
nfr
ontofmecr
ossl
eggedandst
rokes
myl
egs.
Hi
m-"
Thi
sisnor
mal
."Hesay
swhi
l
egest
uri
ng
t
ous.
Me-"Idon'
twantyoutolookatmedi f
fer
entl
y.I
knowthewoment hatconstant
lyt
hrow
themsel
vesatyouincl
udingyourl
it
tl
etwig
Pam."
Her
oll
shi
sey
est
hensi
ghsheav
il
y.
Hi
m-"Whydoy oudoubtmyl ovefory
ou? "He
i
nchescl
oserandgivesmeal ongsmoocht hat
l
eavesmefeeli
ngdizzy.Hegrabsmyhandand
pl
acesi
tonhislar
gebul geoverhi
sbri
efs.
Him-"
Feelt
hat?Gi
rdl
eornot,
pumpornot
,
somet
hingyear
nsforyou.
"
Hewhispersinmyear.Ismi
leathi
m andf i
nal
l
y
swi
tchoffthepumpthenwipemybr east
swhile
hepacksthemachi
neandclosesthebottl
es.
Hetur
nsmearoundandcl
osest
hesmal
lgap
bet
weenus.
Hi
m-"Comehereyou."Hesaysashepi
cksme
upandwal
kstowardsthebedr
oom.

Af ewday slater,I
'm beami ngf r
om exci t
ement .
Thet winsarebei ngdi schargedandI '
m aboutto
beaf ul
lti
memot her .I'
m elatedt hatthey'r
e
healthyenought ocomehome, butI '
m also
anxiousaboutt henearf uture.I'
m wai ti
ngf or
Siyatoar r
iveatthehospi t
al, butIhav en'
ttold
himt hegoodnews.Thet winsar eal lpacked
andr eadyandi nt heircarseat sbesi deme.
Everyt i
meIl ookatt hem at earthreatensto
escapemyey esbecauseoft helov ethat'
s
blossomedi nmyhear tforthem.They '
re
soundl yasl
eepi nt heircarseat sandl ookt i
ny.
Afterafewmomentsofwai
ti
ng,
Siy
aruns
towardsmepant
ing.
Hi
m-"
What
'swr
ong?
"Heasksi
napani
c.
Me-"
Look!
"IsayasIpointtoourmunchki
ns.
Hi
sfacebeamswithhappinessashecover
s
mymout
hwi t
hhisthensoont
urnshi
sat
tent
ion
t
othemunchki
ns.
Hi
m-"
They
'r
ecomi
nghome?
"
Me-"
Yesbaby
"
Aft
erourmomentasafamil
y,Si
yacar
ri
esbot
h
carseat
stot
heparki
nglot
.
Me-"
Mycari
sont
heot
hersi
de.
"
Him-"Don'
tyouthinkourt
ri
phomeshoul
dbe
asafamily
?I'l
lgetsomeonetofet
cht
hecar
."I
smil
eandf ol
l
owhi m.

We'reathomeandSiyamanagedt ogett
wo
cri
bsinstal
l
edinmyroom.I'
m notreadyf
ort
he
babiestostayi
nthenur
ser
yjustyet.
Si
ya-"
West
il
lhav
en'
tnamedt
hem.
"
Me-"
Can'
twecal
lthem munchki
nsf
orev
er?
"
Hechuckl
essof
tl
y.
Hi
m-"
Somybusi
nesspor
tfol
i
owi
l
lread
"
Siy
abongaNyat
hi,
busi
nessmogul
,fat
hert
o
t
womunchkins?
"
Webothchuckl
ebutar
eint
err
upt
edbya
hor
ri
fi
codor.
Siy
a-"Daddydut
y!"Hepicksthemunchki
nsup
andheadsformyr oom whi
leIwar
m upsome
milk.
Si
yaemer
geswi
thaf
oul
lookonhi
sface.
Hi
m-" Howdoessomet
hingsoat
roci
ouscome
f
rom suchador
abl
ebei
ngs?"
Me-" I
'
v esmell
edy ourfartbombs, t
hebabies
defini
telyt
akeaftertheirf
ather.
"Hel aughs
sarcasti
call
ythenwal kstowardsmeandpl aces
thebabymoni toront hecounter.
Me-"
Wantasnack?
"
Hi
m-"
You?
"
Ipunchhi
m gent
lyt
henwal
kaway
.
Me-"
Letmegowat
chmybabi
essl
eepi
nthei
r
matchi
ngoutfi
ts."Iwal
kintomyr oom andinch
t
owardsthecri
bsandnot icethatthey'
reno
l
ongerweari
ngt heoutf
it
sf r
om earli
er.
Me-"
Siy
abonga.
"Iwhi
spert
omy
sel
f.
Si
ya-"Yes?
"
Me-"
Youchangedt
hem?
"
Hi
m-"
Int
oev
encut
erout
fi
ts.Readt
hem.
"
Me-" Wil
lyou?
"Itur
nt olookathim confusedas
Iholdthemunchkinreadinghisonesie.Si
ya
picksuptheothermunchkinandt urnsher
aroundtofacemesoIcanr eadheronesie.
Me-"
Marr
ydaddy ?
"Ireadasat eart
ri
ckl
es
downmycheek.Siy
at akest
hemunchkinfr
om
meandhol
dsthem sidebyside.
Si
ya-"Sowewer
ewonder
ing.Wi
l
lyoumar
ry
daddy?
"
Heaskswit
habr i
ghtsmil
eonhisfaceandt
he
munchki
nsrest
ingonthei
rfat
her
'schest
.
[
04/
19,
13:
29]Wdz:
[101]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*

Thewal l
sslowlybegi ntocav einonmeandI
feel mytemper aturerapidlyrise.Siyaisnowon
hisknee, hol
dingbot hoft hemunchki nsinhis
armsast heyrestblissfull
yonhi sbr oadchest.
Hiswi desmi l
esoont urnsint oaf r
ownashi s
eyebr owsnarrowi nconf usionandhi shypnot
ic
hazel eyesturndar kindisor i
entati
onand
disappointment .Iatt
emptt oregulatemy
breathingbyinhal i
ngaf ewdeepbr eaths
throughmywi denednost r
ils.Siyalooksatme
sternlyandbitesonhi si nvi
t i
ngbot tom l
i
pwhi l
e
Iblinkawayt het earsthatthreatent ofal
ldown
mynowwar mf ace.
Me-"
Sssi
i
i.
..Si
ya.
."
Hi
m-"
No,
don'
tdoi
tZi
nhl
e.Don'
trej
ectme.
"He
pleadswi thmeasher isestostandonhi sfeet
andt oweroverme.Itakeast epbackasaf lood
ofemot i
onsovercomesmeandmyt earsstart
streamingdownmyf ace.Ishakemyhead
whenSi yaattemptstoclosethegapbet ween
usandIhearhi mr el
easeal oudsigh.His
footstepsareslowandt hatofamandef eat
ed
ashewal kstoeachcri
bt olaythebabiesdown.
Him-"Soy oudon'tlov
eme?Youwantustoco
parentfortherestofourl
i
ves?Zi
nhl
edon'
tdo
thi
s,Please."
Hi
svoicebreaksatt
heendofhissent
enceand
myheartbr
eaksatthesuddenl
ysombremood
i
ntheroom.
Me-"Idon'
tthi
nkthisener
gyisgoodf orthe
babi
es.Let
'stakethi
sconversat
ionelsewhere.
We'r
emessingupt hei
renergybalanceand..
."
Him-"Wouldyoust opwit
hy oural
ter
nat
e
uni
v er
seshitr
ightnow!"Hesay si
naloud
whisper.Il
ookathim st
art
ledandInoti
cehi
s
hi
m cl
enchhi
sfi
stsi
ntoabal
l
.
Him-"
Zinhl
e,j
ustanswerme.I
'
m aman,
Ican
handl
eit
."
Me-"Si
ya,
youknowt hatthel
oveIhavefory ou
r
unsdeeperthantheoceansandI'
verehearsed
myanswertothisquest
ionpr
obablyami l
li
on
t
imes."
Hi
m-"
But
?"
Me-"If
eell
ikeI'
mi nt
het wil
ightzone.I'
m
ecst
ati
cthatyouwantmet obey ourwi f
e,but
wehavesomanyunr esolvedissuest hatcan'
t
j
ustbesweptunderthecar pet.Iwantmyf ir
st
ti
megetti
ngmar r
iedtoalsobemyl asttime.I
knowIsoundredundant,butI'
m notf ul
ly
cont
entandhappywithmy selfcurrentl
y,so
makingyouhappywillbevirt
uallyi
mpossi bl
e."
Him-"
Marri
ageisn'
tperf
ect
,butwef
ocuson
ourl
oveandconquer.
"
Me-"
Mar
ri
ageshoul
dbebui
l
tonaf
oundat
ion
thatistrust,andwedon' thaveit
.Siyabonga,I
don'ttr
usty ouandnordoy oume.Iwonder
everyti
mey ou'
reatt heoffi
ceifyou'
refroli
cki
ng
therewitht heblindsclosedwi t
hPam orany
otherslut.Ican'tevengetmadatt hat,because
that'
showourr el at
ionshipbegan,Iknewy ou
weremar ri
edbutIst i
llf
ellf
oryou.Who' stosay
thatitwon'thappenagai n?Idon'twanttobe
mar r
iedandhav et ospyonmyhusband. "
Hi
m-"
Great
,Pam agai
n!"
Me-"
No,
it'
snotj
ustherandy
ouknowi
t.
"
Him-" I
t'
seit heryoulovemeory oudon' t.It
's
eit
hery ouwantt obemywi feory oudon' tandI
mov eoutt omor row.I'
mt oooldf orthiscatand
mousegameZi nhl
e.Tell
mebyt oni ghtwhat
youwant ,I'
ll beinmystudy."Witht hat,het ur
ns
onhi sheel andmar chesoutoft her oom,
l
eav i
ngmebehi nd,bi
ti
ngonmyt rembling
bottom li
pandcl enchi
ngont othecr ibsthatthe
babieslooksopeacef uli
n.
Iheadt ot heki tchent ogr abaqui cksnackwi t
h
thebabymoni t
ori ntowandr ealizet hatthe
housei sunusual l
yqui etsoIdeci det ocal lmy
mot herandsooncomet ot herealizati
ont hat
shewon' tbei nt hehousef orthenextt woday s.
Iwal ktot het ouchpadwi ththest affroster,but
i
t'sev i
dentt hatt hest affhast henextt woday s
off.Isighheav i
lyasIwal kt othef ridgeand
takeoutev erythingIcangetmyhandson.My
heartsinksasIt hinkabouthowSi yahadhi s
proposal allpannedout ,hepr obabl yreleased
thest affsot hatwecoul dgetsomeal one
celebratorytimet oget her.
I'
m soconfli
cted, Ifeelmyinsi
deschur n
becauseoft heinfluxofemot i
onsthatar e
overwhelmingme.I '
vebeenwai t
ingf orSiyato
makeourr elat
ionshi poff
ici
alandcl aim meas
hisl
ifepart
ner, butnowt hatit
'shappeni ng,
ther
ear esomanyot herminut
edet ail
st hat
comei ntoplay.DoIr eall
ywanttobeanew
mot heroft woandanewwi f eallinonebr eath?
DoIwantt oconst antlylookov ermyshoul der
becauseofmyl ackoft rusti nHi m?Whatabout
beingast udent?Woul dt hathav etot akeaback
seatwhenIper form mywi felydut i
es?Then
there'sal sotheexcr uciat i
ngpai nI'
df eeli
fI
wer et olosehi m compl et ely.Idon' twanttojust
becor dialwithhi m andcopar ent,him andour
childrenhav eaper manentr esi dencyi nmy
hear tandIdon' tforeseemy selflovinganyother
manwi thsuchdept handi ntensity.Idon'twant
mychi ldrent ohav east epmot hernorast ep
fatherany ti
mesoon, butSi yai sr i
ghtwecan' t
chaseaf tereachot herf orev er,it
'snotf ai
rto
neitherofus.SoIhav et omakeadeci si
onby
tonight ,andsi ncet hewayt oaman' sheartis
throughhi sstomach, I'
ll getst artedona
scrumpt iousdi nnerandhopef ull
ywear ri
veata
resolvebyt heendoft hisev ening.

Igetst
art
edondi
nner
,checki
ngi
nonmy
munchkinsev ersoof tenandIgeti ntoarhythm.
I'
vedecidedtomakepr awngratinforourstart
er,
steakwithmushr oom sauce, Caesarsalad,
dauphinoisepot atoes, t
henasi mple
peppermintcrispt artfordessert.Aft
erslav
ing
awaybehi ndthest ove,I'
m pl
easedwi thmyend
result
.Ichecki nont hemunchki nsandthey'r
e
soundasleep, Iwantt owaket hem upbutI
decidetoletthem besowecanhav emommy
anddaddyt imeandsoIcal lSiya'sst
udy;he
picksupaf t
ert het hi
rdr i
ng.
Me-"
Dinneri
sreadyNy
athi
."
Him-"Leaveitintheov en."Hesay sbr i
efl
yt hen
hangsuponme.Ibr eatheoutal oudsight hen
decidetotakemypl anupanot ch.Iheadf ormy
room andsliponashor tblacknegligeepaired
withashortblacksilknightgown.I nthekitchen,
Idishupforthebot hofust henheadf orthe
elevat
orwher eIcli
ckonSi ya'
sfloor.
Iknockont
hedoorandt
her
e'snor
esponsesoI
placemyf i
ngeront
hescannerandenter.The
room isdar
kandgloomy ,
andSiyadoesn'teven
raisehi
sheadtoacknowledgemypresence.I
slowlymakemywayt owardsHim wi
ththet r
ay
i
nt owandgent l
ypl
aceitontheoakdesk.
Siya-"
Later
."Hesay
sinaraspyv
oicewhi
l
e
focussi
nghisatt
ent
iononcomputer
.
Me-"Imadesomethi
ngspeci
alfory
ou.Justtr
y
i
t.
"IsayasIli
ftt
hepl
atecover
.Helooksatthe
pl
atethenatme.
Hi
m-"
Api
eceofpaper
.That
'
sspeci
al?
"
Me-"Nowit'
syourt
urnt
oread.
"Isayi
na
seduct
ivev
oice.
Him-"Yes,amil
li
ontimesyes!
"Hereadst
he
paperoverandoveragai
nthenst
andsashe
gazesatmewi t
houtbli
nki
ng.
Hi
m-"
Doest
hismean?
"
Me-"Yes,
theanswertoyourquesti
oni
syesMr
Nyat
hi!
"Iexcl
aim asatearescapesmyey
e.
Withi
nseconds,he'smerelyinchesfrom me
andhasmyf acecuppedi nhismascul ineyet
gentl
ehands.Moment slater,mynightgowni s
onthefl
oorandI '
m pushinghim backt ositon
hi
sseat.Iunbuckl
ehisbel tandreli
evehi m of
hi
spantsandbr i
efsashismonst erstaresback
atme.
Hi
m-"Youdon'
thaveto.
."hesay
swhi
l
est
roki
ng
t
hebackifmyhead.
Ibarelygi vehi m anoppor t
uni
tytocompl etehis
sentence, asmymout hcov er
shismemberand
start
spl easur inghi m withmyeagert ongue.I
sl
ightlygr azemyt eet
hal ongthelengthifhis
memberwhi l
egent l
ytuggingontohismanl y
sacks.Ini bbleonhi sheadandhest artsmov i
ng
hislowerr egionaccor dingtomyr hythm.The
groansandmoanshav emesmi li
ngf rom wi t
hin
andIt akeal lofhimi nasi ngl
emov ement .I
chokesl ight l
y,butmai ntainmycomposur easI
pleasurehi m asi fmylifedependsoni t
.Hi s
l
uscioussi lkyliquidrel
easesinmymout hand
dri
psontomyexposedchest.Iswal
l
owanduse
myindexfi
ngert
owi pet
heremnantsoffmy
chestt
hensuckonitashegazesinawe.
Hi
sey esar
ebar
elyopenandIseehi
smember
st
il
ltwit
chi
ngj
ustafewinchesf
rom myf
ace.
Si
ya-"
MrsNy
athi
!"
Me-"Soont
obe,butIhav
eafewcondi
ti
ons."I
saywit
haseduct
ivesmil
eonmyrel
axedface.
[
04/
19,
13:
29]Wdz:
[102]

*
*ZI
YANDA*
*
I'
vebeenof fi
cial
lydischar gedfrom thef acil
it
y
forall
ofaf ewhour sandI 'm anemul sif
icati
on
ofemot ions.I'
m el atedtor egainmyf reedom
again,butI'm war yoft hedirecti
onthatmyl if
e
will
takef rom her eonwar ds.I'v
edeal twithmy
demonsandwor kedhar dev erydayatslay i
ng
them oneatat i
me, Ijusthopeandpr ayt hat
theyaren'tjustdor mant ,butdeadandbur i
ed
anddecomposednow.Iwantaf ai
rchanceat
beinghappyi nallfacetsofmyl if
e,and
alt
houghgenui nehappi nesswassomet hing
foreigntome, Icanf eeli
tbrewi ngand
sproutingwithi
nt hedepthsofmysoul mor e
andmor eeveryday.Izipthelastofmyl uggage
andt akeinonel astglanceoft heplaceI '
ve
calledhomef orwhatseemsl ikef orev
er,I
breatheoutaheav ysighandnot i
cemymout h
curl i
ntoasli
ghtsmi leasr eal
it
yst ri
kes;I'
mf r
ee!

Him-" Wellyouseem pleasedwithyourself

!"I
hearBr andon'
sdeepv oicecommandt henow
l
ifel
essr oom.Iturnaroundandunashamedl y
stareatthehandsomespeci menbef oreme.
Wi t
hinaf ewstr
ides,he'smerel
yinchesaway
fr
om meandhi scologneper meatesthrough
mynost r
il
sandsendsshi ver
sdownmyspi ne.
Me-"Brandon,whatareyoudoi
nghere?"Iask
asIatt
emptt oplaycoyandconceal
theeffect
t
hathehasonme.
Him-"I
'mt aki
ngy ouhome, l
et'
sgo."Hesay sas
hebrusheshi ssoftl
i
psagainstmycheekand
l
eavesaf eatherl
it
ekiss.Hewalkst owar
dsmy
bedandgr absmyl uggageandr eachesformy
hand.
Hi
m-"
Ready
?"
Inodandpl acemyhandi nhis, andi ntert
wine
ourfingersasourhandsmoul di ntoeachot her.
Ourrideint hecari speaceful andr el
axingas
west ealglancesofeachot her .Hi shandi s
resti
ngonmyt highandI 'm cl
ingingont ohis
armf ordearl i
fe.Itallseemssur real,our
unspokenconnect i
on,theflut
ter i
ngsensat i
on
thatIconst antl
yf eelwhenI '
m ar oundHi m,the
manneri nwhi chhel ooksatmeandt he
undeniablel oveIpossessf orhi m.Fort hefir
st
ti
mei nforev er,Ifeell
ikemor et hanj usta
walkingvagi na,Ifeell
ikeawoman.
Br
andon-"
Mypl
ace?
"
Me-"Ineedt
omeetmynieceandnephewand
rememberwespokeaboutgoi
ngataslow
pace?"
Brandon-" I
'm sorry,Iknow.Ij ustcan' tget
enoughofbei ngar oundy ou, butIrespecty our
wishes.TheNy athi househol diti
st hen."He
clencheshi sjawi ndisappoi ntment, butthi
sis
forthebest ,Idon'ttrustthatI '
l
lbeabl eto
practi
cemuchr estrai
ntshar ingaconf i
ned
spacewi thBr andon, andIr eall
yjustwantour
emot i
onal connect i
ont oblossom andt o
associatesexwi t
hr omanceandl ovenotanact
ofv i
olence.

Wear r
iveattheNy at
himansioninsil
ence,and
for
tunatel
yIst i
llhavethemoundsofcodesf or
thehousebecausenei t
herZinhl
enorSiyais
answeri
ngt heirphones.Brandongrabsmy
l
uggageandf oll
owsswi ft
lybehi
ndmeasI
makemywayt ot heimmaculateentr
ance.I
punchint hecodef orthefrontentranceand
makemywayi nside.There'
sadeaf ening
sil
enceasmyshoesechoet hrought hegr and
foyer
.Ifeel agentlebreezecomi ngi nthrough
theopenedpat ioglassdoor ssoIwal ktowards
i
tandnot hingcoul dpreparemef ort hesight
beforeme, Zinhl
eont opofav eryarousedSi y
a
bobbingherheadupanddownhi ser ectshaft.I
guessthat '
swhathappenswheny oucome
unannounced.Iswi ftl
yturnonmyheel and
bumpi ntoaconf usedBr andononmywayout
thedoor.
Br
andon-"
What
'swr
ong?Wher
ear
eyougoi
ng?
"
Me-"Yourpl
aceiti
s!"Isayasogr ababagfr
om
hi
m andjogoutofthefrontent
rance,wi
thhi
m
hotonmyheels.

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*
Thetwi
nsaret
womonthsol
d,onafastt
rackto
thr
eeandi
tamazesmehowtimefl
i
esandy et
remai nsst agnanti nt hesamet oken.Si y
ahas
beenmar kingev er
y dayasonedaycl osert ous
doingt he" deed"andIcanat testtot his
becausehi scalendar sinhisr oom, studyand
Phonehav ebeencl earlymar kedf oral l t
osee.
Fort hef i
rsttimei nawhi l
e,it
'ssaf etosayt hat
I'
m happy .Ifallmor ei nlovewi thmyf ami l
y
every dayandI '
m doi ngbet terthanIev er
anticipatedi ntermsofj uggl i
ngmyhect ic
l
ifesty l
enow, myschool wor khasn' tbeenmy
onlypr iori
tyandi t'
sshowi ngi nmygr ades, but
I'
m gl adthatI '
m notf ail
i
nganymodul es, I'
m
barelyscr apingt hrough, butI'm notf ai l
ing.My
mat ernal insti
nctsev ent uall
ykickedi nandI '
m
onmamabearmodeconst ant l
y .

Wef i
nal l
ynamedt hemunchkinsaftermuch
deli
berationandarguments,wereachedan
amicableagr eement
.Ourbeauti
fulbabyboyis
cal
led" Anesu"andourbabygirl
is"Aneli
sa"
.
Siy
ai nsistedonanelabor
atenamingceremony,
andIobl i
ged.Hewant st ogi vehi skidst hebest
ofev erythinghecan, whoam It ost andi nt he
wayoft hat .Thecer emonywasf il
ledwi th
unfami l
iarf acesofhi sdi stantf ami l
yandt he
onlyreasonIassumehei nv i
tedt hem wast o
boastandbr agt hewhol edayabouthi s
munchki ns, becausehi sf ami lypr obably
thoughthi sswi mmer scoul dn'tswi m.Iwas
call
ed" Ev e"qui teafewt imesbyhi saunt sand
uncles,becauseappar ent lytheywer eundert he
i
mpr essi ont hathewasst illmar riedt oher ,the
snaresshowedmet hought hatt hesewer ej ust
i
ntent i
onal j
absatme.I 'm gl adt hatst ressful
dayisdoneanddust edandwecannowf ocus
onthenextev ent;
Siyapay ingl obol aforhi skids
sotheycancar rytheNy athi sur name.

It
'sdawnonSat urdayandthelobolaceremony
forthechi
ldr
enist oday
.I'
m atmymom' shouse
withmymunchki nsandwe'r ecooki
ngand
cleani
nginpreparati
onfortheNy at
hif
ami l
y
arri
val.Zi
yandaisplayi
ngwithhernieceand
nephewwhi l
eIperspi
reprofusel
yovertaking
ordersfrom mom.I '
m sli
ght
lymor eannoyedat
Ziyandathanusual,becauseshehaphazardly
decidedtonol ongerstaywi
thmeandf i
nd
herselfastudioapart
mentinstead.

Af ewhour slater,t
hepr eparationsaredone
andmom i sanxi ouslyawai ti
ngt hearrivalof
Siyaandhi sf ami l
y.I'
veexcusedmy selfforthe
restoft hedayt oatt
endsomemuchneeded
tutori
alsoncampus.Zi yandahaswi ll
ingly
agreedt obaby si
tandmymot herunder st
ands
thepr essureI '
mf eeli
ngr egardingmy
school worksoshehasal soobl i
gedformet o
attend.Iretreatt owhatusedt obemybedr oom
andchangei ntoashor tlongsl eevedblack
dress, sneakersandgr abmypur seandbooks.I
reali
seonceI '
m onmywayt ocampust hatI
forgotmyr i
ngi nmyr oom whi leIwasl otioni
ng.
Siyagav emeanexqui sitecushi oncutwhi t
e
goldringasasy mbolofourengagement,
my
mot herthinksit'
sapromiseri
ngbecausewe're
sti
llworkingonourr el
ati
onshi
pandhe'sagreed
toslowlyt ransi
ti
oni
ntoanengagedcouple,
alt
houghheasksev erydaywhenhecansend
hisunclesov er
.
Iarr
iveoncampusandsitnextt
osomeofthe
peopleI'
vef
orgedafri
endshi
pofsor
tswi
thas
wewai tf
orthetut
ori
alt
ocommence.
Fourhour slat
er,
I'mfamishedandexhaust ed
andmycl assmatesseem tosharet hesame
sent i
ments.Theysomehowconv incemet ogo
toal oungelocat
edneart hebeachf orsome
foodandsundowner s,andsinceI '
mt i
redas
beingv i
ewedast hestuckuphousewi fe,I
oblige,afewhourswon'thurt.Ichecki nonmy
munchki nsandthey'
refinesoIcal lthemanof
thehouseaswel l.
Me-"
Babydaddy
!"
Si
ya-"
Ohno,
didy
oucr
asht
hecar
?Wher
ear
e
y
ouI
'
llgetsomeonet
ofet
chy
ou.
"
Me-"Siya,kahle!Ij
ustwant
edtotel
lyouthatI
'
m
headedt olunchwithafewclassmat
es."
There'
sal ongpausebeforeIhearahuf
f
thr
ought hephone.
Me-"
Babyda.
."
Siy
a-"Ihear
dZinhle.Bytheway,thelobol
a
ceremonywentwel l
,theycanoff
ici
all
ybe
Nyathi
'si
ncasey ouwer ewonderi
ng."
Ir
oll
myey
esandi
nhal
eadeepbr
eat
h.
Me-"That'
swonder
ful!Yandawi
l
lbewi
ththe
babi
essoy oucanal
sogetsomeworkdone.I
'l
l
beoutforafewhours."
Hi
m-"
Doy
ouhav
etot
hough?
"
Me-"Siya,I
'
vebeenenr ol
l
edher eformonths,
yetIbarel
yknowany one'
sf i
rstname.I'
mt i
red
ofbeinganisl
and,Ineedtomi ngle,
notjustfor
mysani t
ybutitcoul
dimpr ovemyper f
ormance
aswel l
.Rememberwhatweagr eedon?"
Hi
m-"Yes!
"Hesay
swi
thaggr
essi
onashe
si
ghsheav
il
y.
Me-"
Whatdi
dweagr
eeon?
"
Him-"Iwon'
thav
eyoufol
lowedokay?Just
behav
el i
keawif
e.Youwon'tdr
inkr
ight
?"
Me-"Justagl
assofwi
neorsomet
hing,
Ithi
nkI
needit
."
Him-"
Whatthe?Youareamothert
oinf
ants,
youwantourki
dstogetdr
unkonyourmil
k?"
Ichucklegent
lyasIi
magi
net
hef
rust
rat
ionon
hisface.
Me-"I'
llpumpanddumpandIhav emor ethan
enoughmi lkforthem storedathome.Don' t
worrysomuch, you'
llgetwrinkles.I'
llbehave
andI'l
lbehomesoon, l
ovey ou!"Wi t
ht hatIdrop
thephoneandheadt othelounge.Ther e'
sa
senseofl i
berat
iont hatovercomesMeasIwal k
i
ntothel oungeandj oinmypeer s,Ifeelmyage
againandexci t
edt obeZinhl eagain, notj
usta
mot
herorf
iance.

I'
m onmysecondgl assofwi ne,andI'
m mor e
ti
psyt hanI '
dliketoadmi t,thepeopl eI'
m wi th
aredowni ngt equilashotsl i
ket hey'
rewaterand
Icanbar elysur v
ivetwogl assesofwi ne.I
decidet oheadt ot heloot ocal lZi
yandaand
checkont hemunchki nsandspl ashsome
wat eronmyf ace.Myconv ersat i
onwi t
h
Ziyandaendswi thmepr omi singtocallacabt o
herpl aceandsl eepov er,becauseshecant el
l
from thesoundofmyv oi
cet hatI '
mintoxicated
andSi yawi l
lbel essthanpl eased.Iheadoutof
thel ooandbumpi nt
oabr oadshoul deredman,
thecol l
isionhasmef eeli
ngdi zzyastheroom
spins.

Iwakeupinbedwithat hrobbingheadacheand
wit
htheurgetouri
nate.Ispr i
ngupandt hat
's
whenIreal
izet
hatI'
mi nunf amil
iart
err
it
ory.A
bedroom Idon'trecognise,mydr esshikedup
abovemychestandIent erint
ofullpanicmode.
Thebedr oom doorswi ngsopenandaman
bargesthrough.Ijumpup, pullmydr essdown,
grabmypur seandsneaker sonthef loorbesi
de
meandr unwithoutlookingback.Itturnsout,
thatit
'saboutiquehotel soIrequestacabat
recepti
onasmyphonei sdead.

Thecabr i
deisagonizi
ngasItr
ytorecoll
ectmy
memor yfr
om theprevi
ousaft
ernoon,but
nothi
ngcomest ome.Iheadstrai
ghtfor
Ziy
anda'sapart
mentandassoonassheopens
herfr
ontdoor,Ibur
stintot
ear
s.
Ziy
anda-"
Zinhl
e,whatt
heheck?Wher
ehav
e
youbeen?
"Sheaskswithaggr
essi
on.
Ishakemyheadvi
gor
ousl
yasshame
overcomesme.
Ziy
andaclosest
hegapbetweenusand
squeezesmeinanembrace.
Her-"Ssshhhh,getupandpul lyoursel
ftogether
.
What everhappened,happened.ItoldSi
y athat
yousl eptoverher
e.GrabashowerandI '
llmake
breakfastthenwe'l
ltal
k."
Inodli
kealostpuppyandheadf ort
he
bathr
oom whereItakeascor chi
nghotshower
aft
erchecki
nginonmybabi es.Tear
sst r
eam
downmyf aceasIst andbeneaththeshower
headandmymi ndt urnsbl
ankobert heevent
s
i
ftheprevi
ousday.Myt houghtsareinter
rupt
ed
byaloudknockont hedoor.
Ziy
anda-"Zi
nhl
e,Si
yaisher
eandhewant
sto
tal
ktoyou.Getout
!"
Myheartpal
pitat
esandIcl
enchontomybody.
ThedoorswingsopenandIhearhi
sfoot
steps
andknowit'
shim.
Siy
a-"Ziyandapl
easeexcuseus.
"Hesay
swith
authori
ty.Myhear
tsinksasmybodyshi
ver
s
thi
nkingaboutwhat'
stooccur.
[
04/
19,
13:
30]Wdz:
[103]
*
*ZI
NHLE*
*

Thecascadi ngwat erfrom theshower head

echoest hr
ought hesilencet hatfi
ll
st he
bathroom.Myhear tpalpit
atesasIbr acemy sel
f
fortheagonizingconv ersati
ont hatisaboutt o
transpi
re.Thewat erturnscol d,butIcanbr ave
thecoldshiversthatIbegi ntoexper i
enceov er
seeingSiya'
srage.
Si
yaeventuall
ybangsv i
olent
lywit
hhis
mascul
inefist
sont heglassshowerdoor,
j
olt
ingmyhear tbeaty
oraceev enfast
er.
Him-"Zi
nhl
eKhumal o,awordpl ease.
"Hisvoice
commandsaut hor i
tyandobedienceandbyt he
mannerinwhichhe' sref
err
edtome, Imayas
well
bedead.Isl owlyopentheshowerdoor ,
avoi
dingeyecont actwit
hhim andhe
i
mmedi at
elyholdsupabat htowel withouteven
l
ookingatthebodyI 'v
eworkedsohar don.I
grabthebathtowel andwr apmywetbody
whil
ehehol dsouthi shandt ohel
pmeoutof
theconfi
nesandsaf etyoftheshower.Heturns
hisbacktomet henpacesatt hefootofthe
bathtub,
Iedget owar dsthefarsideofthetub
andgentl
yseatmy selfontheedgewhi l
e
star
ingatthefl
oort hatI'
m prayi
ngwi l
lswall
ow
me.

Siya-"
Doy ouwantt
otel
lmewhathappened
yesterday
?"Heasksi
nalowvoi
cethathasa
calm undert
one.
Idon'
tanswer
,becausef
rankl
yIdon'
tknow
whattosayorhowtosayit
.
Si
ya-"Zi
nhledamnit
!"Heshoutsashepunches
i
ntotheti
ledwall
,cr
acki
ngaf ewti
mesinthe
pr
ocess.
Hi
m-"Shit
!"Heexclai
msasbl ooddr
izzl
esfr
om
hi
sknuckl
es.Ispri
ngup,grabatowelinan
at
tempttowrapitaroundhisnowwounded
hand,
buthest
opsmei
nmyt
racks.
Hi
m-"
Don'
t.
"
Me-"
Siy
a,I
'
m sor
ry.
"
Hi
m-"
For
?Whatexact
lyar
eyousor
ryFor
?"
Me-"
Siy
a,comeon.
"
Him-"Iaskedy
ouaquest
ion,
whathappened
yest
erday?"
Iswal
lowal umpi
nmythroatandinhal
eaf
ew
deepbreat
hsmuchtohi
sannoy ance.
Si
yagrabsmyarm wit
hf or
ceanddoesn'
tl
etgo.
Iy
elpi
npainattheharshcont
actandgazei
nto
hi
seyeswit
htearsfl
oodingmine.
Me-"
Siy
a,ouch!
"
Hel
et'
sgoofmynowbr
uisedar
m andst
aresat
mewit
hrage.
Hi
m-"
Youwanttobecoercedi
ntoanswer
inga
si
mpl
efucki
ngquest
ion?
"Heshouts.
Zi
yandaknocksont
hedoor
,andasmuchas
I'
mt emptedt ounlockthedoorandr
unt
omy
si
sterforhelp,Iknowt hatt
hisi
smymessandI
shouldn'
tdragheri nt
oi t
.
Me-"I'
ll
beoutj ustnowYanda!"Iy
ellfr
om
i
nsidethebathroom andIhearherfootst
epsas
sheslowlywalksaway .
Me-"
Idon'
tknow.
"Isayi
nwhatcomesoutasa
whi
sper
.
Si
ya-"
Sayt
hatl
ouder
."
Me-"
Isai
d,Idon'
tknow.
"
Siy
a-"Amotheroftwoandaf i
ancedoesn'
t
knowwhatshedi dwhil
eshewasout?You
shouldbeashamedofy our
sel
fman!Whatkind
ofdisgr
aceareyou?"
Me-"Si
yapl
ease.
"Isayasat
earst
reamsdown
myface.
Hi
m-"No,youdidn'
twanttotalksoall
owMe!
Howisanyonegoingt
or espectyoui
fyou'r
eout
f
rat
erni
zi
ngandcan'tevenhandleyourli
quor?
Thisistheli
fey ouwantt oliv
e,youwanttoget
pissdrunkwithev er
yTom, DickandHarryout
thereandbet akenadv antageof?Whatabout
yourchil
dren?Whatki ndofamot herdoesthi
s
shit
?TellmeZi nhle!
"
Me-"
Siy
a..
."
Him-" Idon'tevenknowhowt ol ookaty ouri
ght
now, thewayy oubehavedoesn' tonlyrefl
ect
badlyony ou, butonmeaswel l
.Siyabonga
Nyathi i
swhi ppedbyay ounggi rlthatsti
llwant
s
toclub?Youwer eri
ghtwheny ousai dthat
you'r
enotr eadyt obeawi f
e, becauset here'
sno
wayt hatmywi fewoulddot hi sshitandl i
veto
tel
lthet al
e.Wehav eadeckedoutbari nour
house, whydon' tyoudrinkyour selfsil
l
yt her
e
withyourf r
iends?Thet hingis, you'r
ean
i
mmat ure,ungratefull
i
ttlebrat!"
Me-"
Siy
a,st
op!
"
Hi
m-"Truthhurt
sdoesn'ti
t?Letmetel
lyou
whathappened,whenIpromisedt
hatIwoul
dn'
t
hav ey ouf oll
owed, Ilied.Youdr ankt wol arge
glassesofwi ne, andsi nceyouhav en'thada
drinki nov eray ear,yougotwast edoutofy our
mi nd.Whatdi dy out hinkwouldhappeni fyou
fi
lly ourglasst othebr i
m?Ihadaguyf oll
ow
yout othel ooandIt ol dhimy obooky oui ntoa
hot el,becauseIdi dn'tt r
ustthatIwoul dn'tkill
youhady oucomehome.Si ncey ou'vepr oven
thaty ou'renotr eadyt ober esponsi bl
e, I
'm
takingmychi l
dren, i
t'
llgiveyouall t
het i
mei n
thewor ldtopar tyitup.Whatdoy ouki dscal li
t?
Tur nup? "Het urnsonhi sheel andwal kstot he
door ,Irunandbl ockhi sway .
Him-"Zinhl
e,I
'm pr
act
ici
ngallki
ndsofrestraint
here.Idon'
twanttodosomet hi
ngI'
llr
egret,so
pl
easemov e."Hesaysthroughgri
tt
edteeth.
Me-"Siy
a,notmykids!Ifuckedup,IknowIdid.
Ij
ustwantedtohaveal i
ttl
efun,Ihadno
i
ntent
ionsofgoi
nghomewi thanyoneor
behavi
nginadebaucherousmanner .Please
bel
ieveme!I'
vebeenawal kingzombieov ert
he
pastmont
hs,
Ijustwant
edt
orel
ax.
"
Him-"
Zinhl
e,I
'
m giv
ingyouthef
reedom t
hat
yousodesi
re,nowmove!"
Heshovesmetothesideandmarchesout,
l
eavi
ngmeont hefl
oorsobbi
ng.Zi
yandarunsi
n
andkneel
sbef
oreme.
Zi
yanda-"
Hej ustt
ookLi
saandAnesu,
Icoul
dn'
t
st
ophim.Zinhle?"
Istar
eatherbl
ankl
y,l
i
felessasIf
eelmyhear
t
acheandsinkt
othepitofmystomach.
Zi
yandahol
dsmeinatightembr
aceandr
ocks
mebackandfor
thl
ikeababy.
Me-"
Mybabi
esZi
yanda.
"Isaybr
eat
hless.

IwakeuponZi yanda' sbed,afewhoursaft

er
dri
nkingsomesl eepingpil
lsandIhearvoi
ces
whisperi
nginthekitchensoIjumpof fand
decidetoeavesdropandhearZi yanda'
svoi
ce.
Ziy
anda-"
Ican'
tj
ustl
eav
eher,she'
sgoi
ng
thr
oughsomestuf
fsheneedsmysupport
."
Brandon-"ButZiyanda,
we'veplannedt
hisf
or
ages,yoursi
sterwill
under
stand."
Zi
yanda-"Ican'
tgoonsomev acati
onatsucha
cr
it
icalt
imei nmysist
er'
sli
fe,
sheneedsme.I
waslooki
ngf or
wardtoit
,butIcan'
t.I
'
m sorr
y
Br
andy."
Myhear tsinkswhenIheart heirconversati
on,
becauset heonet hi
ngmysi sterdeservesis
happinessandIwon' tliv
ewi t
hmy sel
fknowing
thatIstoodbet weenherandt hat.Ibr
owse
throughZiyanda'swar drobeandwearoneof
herdressesandl ucki
lyIfindanewpai rof
underwearwi t
htagsandsqueezemyassi nt
oit.
Isearchthroughmybagandf i
ndmycarkey s
thenfindmyphonechar gingont hebedside
tableandt rackmycaronmyphone.I t'
sst i
ll
parkedatt heloungef rom yester
daysoI
i
mmedi at
elycal l
acabandwal koutofthe
bedr
oom.
Zi
yanda-"
You'
reup!
"
Me-"Yi
p!Thanksf
orev
ery
thi
ngYanda,
I'
m
headedhomenow."
Her-"ButZi
..
."shesay
swi
thconcer
nwr
it
teni
n
herface.
Me-"
I'
m good,don'
tworr
y.I
'
llcal
lyou,
and
Br
andon,t
reatmysist
erwel
l.
"
Brandon-"Al
way sandf or
ev er
."Af
terpul
l
ingoff
onelastfakesmile,Idashoutandheadf ort
he
cabthat'
salreadywaiti
ngf orme.

It
'sbeenov eraweeksincetheincidentandit
sti
ll
seemsf r
eshinSiy
a'smindbecausehe' s
notbudginginthesli
ghtest
.ThedayIcame
home, If
oundhi m wai
ti
ngformeandheasked
fortheri
ngback, i
twasheartwrenching,but
keepingi
twoul dhavebeenmeani nglesssoI
obli
gedafterbeggingandpleadingwithhim
wi
thoutmuchsuccess.
I
ttookt woday sf
orthealcoholtobe
undetectedinmymi l
kandt hatj
ustampl
ifi
ed
Siya'
ssnideremarksandhuf f
ingandpuf
fing.
Pumpi ngfortwoful
ldaysjusttospi
llmi
lkdown
thesinkwasawakeupcal landIdoubtI
'
llbe
whiff
inganyalcohol
icbeverageanyti
mesoon.
I'
vebeenmor esexuall
yfrust
rat
edthanever,
especi
all
ysi
nceIhear dthealar
msf or"
deed
day"soundoffthi
smor ni
ngonSi y
a'sdevi
ces.
Thetwinsareoffi
cial
l
ythreemonthsoldand
thatmeansthatmommyanddaddycanget
fri
sky.
I'
m bakingacakef orthetwi
nsandpr epari
nga
smallfeasttocel ebr
atethei
rmilestone,
howev erZiyandai si
nZanzibarwithBrandon
andmymot herisLordknowswher ewi t
hher
mansot hatleavesmeandmymunchki nsand
hopefull
ySiy a.
I
t'
smi
ddayandI
'
vesetupapi
cni
cfort
he
munchki
nsout
side,
whi
let
heyblabberI
'
m
r
eadi
nguponaf ewnot
esforschool
.

Siyaarr
ivesunannouncedl
ooki
ngsexi
erthan
everandloungesbesidemethenpl
ayswi t
hhis
chil
drenwithoutsayi
ngawordtome.Iignore
hi
m aswel landfocusonmytaskathanduntil
hestandsupt oleave.
Me-"
Imadecakefort
hem, soIwast
hinki
ng
we'
dcuti
ttoni
ghtf
ordessert
."
Him-"I'
m goingoutwiththegents,
soIwon'tbe
here.Savemeasl ice.
"Hesayswi t
houtl
ooking
atme.Heki ssesthetwinsandleavesme
annoyedandshaki ngmyheadi nfr
ustr
ati
on.

EveningfastapproachesandSiyaisreadytogo.
Helooksathi srefl
ecti
onthr
oughthemi rr
orin
thefoyerandIsalivat
eathowsexyhel ooks.
Myhear tfi
ll
swithrageasIthinkaboutthe
v
ult
urespr
eyi
ngonhi
mtoni
ght
.
Me-"
Whenshoul
dIexpecty
out
obeback?
"
Hi
m-"
Don'
twai
tup.
"
Me-"
Buty
oual
way
ski
sst
het
winsgoodni
ght
."
Him-"WellIguessI
'l
lki
ssthem goodmor
ning.
"
Withthathegrabshi
skeysandheadsoutthe
door.

Afewmi nutesaft
erSiya'
sdepartur
e,Ifeel
my
emot i
onsspir
all
i
ng,andi cal
loneofouroncal l
nanniestocomeandl ookaftert
hemunchki ns.
Iheadfortheshowerandpacemycl oseti
n
searchofsomethingt
owear .
If
inal
l
ysett
leonasl
inkybackl
esssil
verdr
ess
wit
hmatchi
ngheel
sandclutch,andt
henfocus
onmymakeup.
Iadmi r
emyr efl
ecti
oninthemirrorandt
rack
Siy
a'sphonet hencallacabtotakemetohis
l
ocation.ThecloserIgettowhereSiyai
s,t
he
moremynervesbegi
ntoki
cki
n,butt
her
e'sno
t
urni
ngbacknow.
BeforeIknowi t
,I'
vearri
vedatt helocat i
onand
i
t'sanev eningloungewi thadar kandi ntrigui
ng
ambi ence.Iheadinsideandi mmedi at
elyspot
Siyaseat edinwhatseemsi st heVI Par ea.I
discr
eet l
ymakemywayt ohi m andbr eat hea
sighofr eli
efwhenIr eal
izet hathe'ssittingon
thecor nerofacouchal one, whi l
ehi sbuddi es
arecoupl edup.Ibracemy selfandchar ge
towar dshim, Ir
eachinmycl utchandcl ench
ontomyl it
tl
epresenttheni ntentionall
ybump
i
nt ohim.Isl i
pmyl i
ttl
epieceoff abricinhi s
hand, winkathimt henwal kt othel oo.
AsIclosethedoorbehindMe, Si
yabargesin
andlocksbehindme.Hepushesmeagai nsta
corneranddanglesmyt hongi
nmyf ace.Ibit
e
mybot tom l
i
pwi t
houtbreaki
ngeyecontactand
seesomesweatdr opl
etsbegi
ntoform onhis
for
ehead.
Me-" Oops,that'
swher etheywent .Letmeputi t
on."IsayasIbendov erandmydr esshikesup,
reveali
ngmybar eder ri
er.Withi
nonemot ion,
Siyagrabshol dofmeandst raddlesmyl egs
aroundhi swaist,pushingmeagai nstthewall
asheat tacksmyl ipswi thhissucculentones.I
feelhisgrowinger ecti
onsnuggl edbeneat hme
andmyl adypartsdr i
pf r
om excitementof
what '
stocome.
[
04/
19,
13:
30]Wdz:
[104]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*

IclenchontoSiya'
sshoul der
sasIr ecoverfr
om
anothereart
hshat ter
ingexpl osionifecstasy.
Siyahasaf i
rm gri
ponmybut tocksashe
breathesheavi
lyonmydampneckwhi l
st
recoveri
ngfrom hisintensepl easurepeak.My
l
egsbegi ntofai
l meast heytur nli
mpand
becomenoodl es,justwhenIt hinkI'
m goingto
fall
,Si
yawr apsthem tight
lyar
oundhi swai
st,
walksacrosst heroom withhi
smemberst il
l
snuggledinsideofmeandgent lyplacesmeon
thebenchacr osstheroom.Hepl onkshimself
besidemeandcl oseshiseyesasHer egul
ates
hisbreat
hingandst rokesmylegt hat
'snow
resti
ngonhi slap.
Wef alli
ntoabl issful
silenceandInot i
cehis
mout hcur veint
oasmi l
e.Ourmomenti s
i
nterruptedbyhar shbangi ngont hedoorand
l
oudwomenwant i
ngtogai nentry.Wegazeat
eachot herandbur stintolaughter,t
hendeci
de
i
t'
st i
met oleavethisplace.Wecl eanoursel
ves
upandSi yagrabsholdofmyhandashe
preparest owalkoutt hedoor ,
buthesuddenly
comest oahal t
.
Him-"
Thatdress.
"Hesay
swi
thal
ookt
hatI
'
m
unabl
etoread.
Me-"
LikeI
t?"
Hi
m-"
Nev
erweari
tagai
nify
ou'
regoi
ngt
o
l
eav
ethehouse.
"Hesayswit
hasternl
ook,
t
henki
ssesmebrief
lyont
hecheek.

Siy
aandIpusht hr
oughthecrowdofwomen
waiti
ngout
sideandheadf ort
heexi
t,wher
e
we'r
eambushedbyhi sf
riendswhosomehow
convi
nceSi
yat ost
ay.
Siy
aor dersmechampagnemucht omy
surpr
iseandsi psonhiswhiskey.Atfi
rst
,Idri
nk
afewgl assesofwater,becauseI'
m uncert
ain
ofwhet herhe'
stest
ingmeorev enwhetherI
wanttodr ink.
Siya-"Babe,r
elax.Let'
shav esomef un."He
saysashepour smeagl assofchampagne,
handsi ttoMe, r
ecli
nesont hecouchandr ests
hishandonmybar ethigh.Afewdr i
nksin,and
everyoneisthoroughlyenjoyi
nghimsel f,
Siyais
l
ettinglooseandsoar ehisfr
iends.I
'm gri
nding
onhi m andhe'svisibl
ypleased.Hisfr
iendsar e
al
sost ari
ngatMe, soIdecidetositdownon
Siya'
sl apinstead.Theunf ri
endlysnaresI'
m
receiv
ingf rom theladiesinthi
scircleare
threat
eningt or ui
nmyni ght
,soIjustfocuson
mymanandushav ingagoodt ime.Our
tonguesar edowneachot her'
sthroatsevery
coupleofmi nutesandhi shanddoesn' tl
eave
myt highorbut t.Atthismomentwe' reyoung,
wildandf reeandi t'
sgr eatt
oknowt hatI
'm saf
e
andwher eI'm supposedt obe.

Afewhour slat
er,Siy
aandIareont hebrinkof
i
ntoxi
cation,hi
sfr
iendsarefal
li
ngov erandit
's
defi
nit
elyti
met ocalli
tanight
.Siy
acal l
sforhis
dri
vertotakehisfri
endshomeandwet akean
uberhome.
Assoonaswe'
rei
nsi
dethecab,
Siy
arest
shis
heav
yheadonmylapandcl
oseshi
seyes.
Siya-"
Ilov
eyoumot herofmykids.
"Hesay
s
thendozesoffandsnoresgent
ly.
Ial
sof
all
asl
eepandI
'
m wokenupbyt
hecab
dr
ivergent
lyt
appi
ngmyshoul
deroncewe'
ve
ar
ri
v ed.
Waki ngSiy aupi smor eofami ssion,butwi t
h
somehel pf r
om thecabdr i
ver,he'sfinall
y
awakeandt wost eppingt oourf rontdoor .He
crawlsupt helongst aircasewhi leItakesmal l
stepsbesi dehi m beingcaut ioust ofall
ingas
well.Wear ri
veathisr oom andIcal l
thenanny
tocheckont hemunchki nswhoseem t ofine
andsl eeping.Siyaissl eepingandsnor ing
l
oudl yont hebedandIat temptt ol eavebutSi y
a
call
sf ormeandbegsmet osay ,i
t'sbeena
whilesinceI 'vebeencuddl edsoIobl i
ge.Icrawl
ontot hebedandhecl osest hegapbet weenus,
thenwebot hfal
l i
ntoabl i
ssfulsleep.

Iwakeupi nthemorningandstretchacrossthe
bedwhilemyhandr eachesforSiya,butnot
hing.
Ipai
nfull
yopenoneey eandrealizethatI
'min
bedalone.Thethr
obbingpainfrom myhead
makesi tanagonizi
ngprocessjusttosi
tup.I
reachforthebabymoni t
orandr eal
i
ze
somet hi
ngdi f
fer
entonmyhand; myri
ngonmy
fi
nger.Ishakemyheadi ndisbel
iefandcover
myheadwi ththecover
s,befor
eIknowi tI
'
ve
dozedof fagain.

Iwakeupt othesoundsofbl abberandSiya

havingaconversati
on,Iopenmyey est
ofind
themunchkinsonhi sbarechestgrabbi
nghis
faceandpull
ingitinalldi
rect
ions.Ismi
le
unconsci
ouslyatthesightbeforemeandt akea
momentt obaski nit
.
Siya-"
Stopst
ari
ngandgrabashowersoy ou
canhelpmewi t
hthesegremli
ns."Hesayswith
hiseyesti
ght
lyshutasAnesugrabshiseyel
id.
Aft
eraqui
ckshowerandchangeinto
sweat
pant
sandav est,
I'
m onthebed,r
oll
i
ng
ar
oundwit
hmybabi esandthei
rfat
her.
Si
ya-"
Itdoesn'
tgetanybet
tert
hant
his.
"He
say
swi
thawi
desmi
l
egl
eami
ngonhi
sface.
Me-"
Can'
ti
magi
nei
tget
ti
nganybet
ter
."
Hi
m-"
Zinhl
e,babel
et'
smakei
tof
fi
cial
.
"
Me-"Iwasgoingtoaskyouaboutthat
,ther
ing
thaty
ousl i
ppedontomyfinger
?I'
veear
nedit
back?"Isayandrai
seam eyebr
owathim.
Him-"I
twasal way syours,andyouknowt hat.I
can'
tstandthet houghtofsomet hi
nghappening
toyou,andyouput ti
ngy oursel
fint
oasituati
on
whereI'
dlosey ouf r
ustr
atesMe, andit
'ssel
fish
ofyou.
"Irol
l myey esandhecr awlstowards
meandgazesdeepl yint
omyey es.
Si
ya-"Iknowyout hi
nksit'
scont
roll
ing,
buti
t'
s
j
ustbeingpr
otecti
veovermyhear tandmyli
fe.
Solet
'smakethisoffi
cial
."
Me-"Wearepret
tyoff
ici
al,
weliveundert
he
sameroof,
havetwokidstoget
herandIguess
we'
reengagedagai
n."
Hi
m-"
Ican'
tl
iv
eanot
herdaywi
thouthav
ingy
ou
f
ull
yapar
tofmyli
fe,
y ou'
resti
ll
aKhumal
oand
i
t'
sti
mewechangedthat.Let
'
sgogetmarr
ied
t
oday.
"
[
04/
19,
13:
36]Wdz:
[105][
PARTONE]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*

Istarebl ankl
yathi m asifhe'sspokenanal i
en
l
anguage, andbef oreIcanstopmy sel
f,my
headj erksupanddownasInodt ohi srequest
.
Hel eapsacr osst hebedandat tacksmewi t
ha
ti
ghtembr ace,thenscoopst hedr owsy
munchki nsandj umpsof fthebedwi tht
hem
snuggl edonhi st or
so.
Him-"Wehav etogetready,we'
reget ti
ng
marri
ed!"Withi
naf l
ash,he'
soutoft heroom
andhe'slef
tmeal onewithmyt houghts.My
hear
tpalpit
atesinanoverexert
ionofj oyand
exci
tement,butasIment al
l
ytrytopr epar
efor
t
hedayahead,r
eali
tystr
ikesl
ikeav
iol
ent
l
i
ght
ningboltpi
erci
ngthroughmybody.
Mymom andmysi sterwon' tbet her
eto
witnessoneoft hemosti mpor tantdaysofmy
l
ife,Siy
ahasn'tevenpai dlobola.Whatwi ll
his
familythi
nk?Am Isel l
ingmy selfshortforgoi
ng
throughwitht
his?Ist areatmyr efl
ecti
on
throughthemirror,
andInot i
ceSi yatoweri
ng
overmeandgazi ngintothemi rroraswel l
.
Him-"Iknowwhatyou'
rethi
nki
ng.
"Hesay
sina
whisperashesnakeshi
sarmsaroundmy
shri
nkingwai
st.
Me-"
Siy
a,I
..
"
Him-"Ssshhh,Idon'twanty out ofeelobli
gat
ed
totakethi
sstep.Ifyouar en'tready ,I
'
ll
underst
and.Ipersonallycan' twaitmont hs
beforewehavet hesamesur name.I '
llpay
whateverdamagesIhav et o,Ijustneedmy
famil
ytobecompl ete,of
ficiall
y."Iholdon
ti
ghtertohi
shandsar oundmywai stand
snuggl
emyheadonhi
schest
.
Me-"Iwantnothingmor et
hantobeyourwif
e,I
j
ustcan'thel
pbutf eel
asenseofguil
t.If
eell
i
ke
I
'm get
ti
ngmar ri
edont hesly
,Inev
erwantedto
getmarriedonthoseterms.
"
Him-"I
t'
sfi
ne,we'
llwait.
"Hesaysthenleavesa
feat
her
li
teki
ssonmycheek.Heunt angleshi
s
handsfr
om mywai st,
andIturnt
of acehim.I
snakemyarmsar oundhisneckandgazei nt
o
hismesmeri
zingeyesthatal
waysleavemy
kneesweak.
Me-"Ourent
ir
er el
ati
onshiphasn'
tbeenbythe
bookandconventi
onal.IwanttobeMrsNy athi
bytheendoftoday,we'l
lworr
yabouteveryt
hing
andevery
oneelselater
.Fornow,it
'sj
ustus."
Si
y a'
sgazeintomyglossyeyesi
sintensi
fi
esas
Ifeeloursoul
sconnect,
ourhear
tbeatsbecome
oneandi knowI'
m home.
Hi
m-"
Hav
eIt
oldy
ouhowamazi
ngy
ouar
e?"
Me-" Nott
oday."Isaywit
hami schi
evousgri
n
andat t
empttowal kaway,butSi
yahasother
plansashescoopsmeupwi t
honearm and
throwsmeont othebed,andsoonfoll
owsashe
restsonme.
Me-"HaveIt
oldyouhowheav yyouar
e?"He
shutsmeupwithalongsult
ryki
ssandasmy
l
owerregi
onprepar
esitsel
ffort
henextst
ep,
Siy
astopsandjumpsoffthebed.
Him-"Sorry,I
'
m holdi
ngoutuntilaf
termarr
iage.
I
'm notready."Hesaysinasarcasti
cvoi
ceas
hedashesf orthebathr
oom andIhearthedoor
l
ockshor t
lyafter
wards.
Ishakemyheadandheaddownst air
stofi
nd
themostunderst
atedyetel
eganti
tem of
clot
hingIcan;
I'
m get
ti
ngmar r
ied!

Ideci
deonatightf
it
ti
ngivor
ysi
lknumberthat
si
tsbelowmyknees,gol
dLouboti
ncourt
sand
aclut
ch.It
iemyhairi
namessybun,takemy
ti
mewi thmymakeupappl y
inggoldunder t
ones
andanudel i
pandIcompl etemyl ookwithmy
favori
tepai
rofdiamondear r
ingsthatSiy
aonce
surpri
sedmewi th.Ist
areatmyr efl
ect
ionint he
mirrorandIsmil
eatwhatIsee.I '
mi nt
errupted
bymyphonev i
brati
ngintheclut
chandi t'
sSi ya
cal
ling.
Me-"
Siy
a,whycoul
dn'
tyouj
ustcomet
omy
r
oom?"
Him-"That'
sbecauseIl
eftt
hehousel
ove.I
t'
s
badlucktoseethebri
debefor
etheweddi
ng."I
rol
lmyey es,t
ypi
calSi
yaandhisdr
amati
cs.
Him-"Iknowy ou'
rerol
l
ingyoureyesatMe,but
I'
m nottaki
nganychances.Itookthe
munchkinswi t
hmesoal lyouhavetoworry
aboutisgett
ingyoursexyassinthecarout
side
andmeetmeatt hecourt
house."
Me-"
IguessI
'
llseey
oui
naf
ew!
"
Hi
m-"
God,
Ican'
twai
ttomakey
ouMr
sNy
athi
!"
Me-"
AndIcan'
twai
ttobeMr
sNy
athi
!"
WehangupandIi nhaleadeepbr eat
ht hen
headout sidewher ethedr i
verleadsmei nt
ot he
car.Irecl
inei nthebackseatandnot i
ceani ce
bucketont hefarendwi thabot t
leofFr ench
champagneandanot estuckont oitthatreads
"Forthener ves."Ismil
et omy selfandthankmy
l
uckyst arsf oramanl ikeSiya.
Itakeashor tsi
pjustforadashofl
iqui
d
courageandsi tbackthi
nki
ngaboutour
roll
ercoast
erofar el
ati
onshi
p.

Ionlyreal
i
zet hatI
'
v edozedoffwhenIf
eela
l
ighttaponmyshoul derandopenmyeyesto
fi
ndt hedri
verstar
ingbackatmewi t
hawide
smil
e.
Him-"
Mr sNy at
hi,i
fyouwoul
dn'
tmindfol
l
owing
mePlease?"Icatchagli
mpseoutsi
deandIsi
t
backi
nconf usi
on.
Me-"Thi
sisn'
tthecour
thouse,excuseme.
"I
snat
chmyphoneandcal lSiy
aandheanswers
onthesecondring.
Me-"Nyat
hi,
Ithi
nkt
her
e'sami
sunder
standi
ng
her
e..
."
Siy
a-"Zi
nhl
e,j
ustdoasyou'r
etol
dpleasel
ove.
"
Witht
hathehangsupandthedri
verhol
dsout
hi
shandformeandsoIgrabholdofitasbe
hel
psmeoutthecar.

Me-"ExcuseMe, wher ear

ewegoing?"IaskasI
l
aybehindt hedr
iverbecauseoft
hecobble
stonepathwayhel eadsuson,maki
ngit
uncomfortabl
etowal kinmy6inchheels.
Dri
ver
-"MrNyat
hir
equest
edthatIdropyouof
f
her
e,hewant
edtomeetyouherefir
st.
"
Me-"sure"Isayr
eluctant
lyasheleadsmetoa
quai
ntisolat
edbuil
ding,sur
roundedbygr
eener
y.
Thi
swoul
dbet
heper
fectbackdr
opf
ora
weddingIthinkt
omy sel
f,butsoonshakethe
thoughtasthedooropensandmymot her
appears.
Me-"
Ma,
whatar
eyou?
..
"
Mom-" Stopwi t
hthequesti
onsandcomei nwill
you? "Shesay sassheyanksmyar m andI
stumbl eintotheoldbui
ldi
ng.Ilookupandsee
Ziyandapaci ngtheroom whil
ebarkingorders
ont hephone.Mymom l eadsmei nsidethe
spaci ousroom ordai
nedinwhiteandgol d
furnishings.
Me-"
Uhmm ma,
what
's.
."
Mom-"
Zinhl
ebaki
thi
,wedon'
thav
eti
me!
"
Sheshoutsasshepushesmeont oachairand
I'
mi mmediatel
yattackedbyaswarm of
str
angerspulli
ngatmyhai randcr
owdmyf ace
withavari
etyofbrushes.

Me-"
Okay
,st
op!
"Ishoutwi
thmyhandsi
nthe
hai
r.Iseem tostar
tl
eafewpeopleastheytake
afewst epsbackwardsi
nshockandconfusion.
Me-"
Ma,
pleaset
ell
mewhat
'
sgoi
ngon?
"
Iaski
namor
ecal
mtone.
Mymothersit
sbesi
demeandcover
smy
tr
embli
nghandswit
hher
sasshegazesi
ntomy
gl
ossyeyes.
Mom-"You'
regett
ingmarri
edmybaby!You
sai
dyestothatman,soherewear
e."Shesay
s
whi
lest
roki
ngmyhands.
Me-"Butthi
sisn'
tthecourt
house,y
ou're
supposedtobesomewher ewithStev
enand
Yandasaidshewasi nZanzi
bar.
"
Mymom cupsmyf acewi
thherwar
m hands
andf
ocusesherey
esonmi ne.
Mom-" Siy
ahadusal l
onst andbythepastweek,
i
ncludi
ngt hebestv
endorshecoul dfi
nd.He
spokettomeandexpr essedhislovefory
ou
andIfelti
t.Hecoul
dn'twaitformonthsonend
tomakey ouhi swi fesohet oldmet obe
preparedt ogivey ouawayanydaynow.Our
customsandt raditionswi l
l beseent o
afterwardsIguess, butIcoul dn'tstandbet ween
thi
sel ect r
ifyi
ngl ove.Thi smor ninghecal l
ed
andt oldmet haty ouf inallyagr eedt omar r
ying
him andt hatyout houghty ouwer egoi ngt ot he
courthousesowehadt obenonchal antabout
everything.Hesai dheknewi nhi shear tthat
youdeser vedmor et hanj ustsi gningsome
document sinfrontofsomest ranger sandt hat
somet hingwoul dbemi ssingwi t
houty our
family.Iassumet hatsi ncet hatconv ersat i
on,
he'sbeengoi ngcr azymaki ngphonecal l
st o
makehi spl ancomet oget her.Thisusal lhim,
Ziyandahadt oforcehi mt ohel pandwel l I
'
ve
j
ustbeenbusyt ryi
ngonout fi
tsfrom t hef our
styli
stst hathe'shi r
edf ortheday .So, y ou'r
e
aboutt obesomeone' swi feandI 'm aboutt o
gainason. "Shesay sasat eart ri
cklesdown
herflawl esscheekt hathasi mmacul ate
makeupon.

Ianal
y set
her
oom andI
'm over
whel
medwi th
emotionsasicometor
eal
izehowblessedIam.
Ireal
l
yam abouttomar
rythemanofmy
dreams.
Isi
tbackasI
'
m handedaBel
l
ini
andpeopl
eget
toworkonmyhai
randmakeup.
[
04/
19,
13:
36]Wdz:
[105][
PARTTWO]

*
*ZI
NHLE*
*

Aft
erwhatseemsl i
keforever,myhai rand
makeupi sdoneandt het i
met oviewmy
weddingdressforthefir
sttimehasof fi
cial
l
y
ar
ri
ved.Ziyandaisstandingbesidet helarge
whit
ebagt hatcontai
nsmydr essandmymom
i
sclenchi
ngont omyt remblinghandwhi l
emy
ot
herhandi splacedovermypal pi
t ati
nghear t
thatf
eel
sasifwil
lj
umpoutofmychestany
secondf
rom now.
Ziyanda-"Ready ?"Sheaskswi t
hincont ai
nabl
e
excit
ement .Inodsl i
ghtlyandinhaleadeep
breathinanticipationofwhat '
stocomeas
Ziyandaslowl yunzi psthebagaheadofme.She
unmaskst hedr essandI '
minaweoft he
mast er
piecet hat'sdisplayedi
nf r
ontofme.I
i
nchcl osertoi ttohav eabet t
erviewoft he
dressandst retchoutmyhandt ot ouchthe
deli
catefabric.
Me-"Di
dy outwochooset
his?
"IaskasIadmi
re
t
heintr
icatedet
ail
.
Zi
yanda-"
IwishIhadsuchimpeccabl
etast
e!
Andno,ourmotherdoesn'
thav
eiteit
her
.This
i
sallSi
yabongaNyathif
oryou!
"
Me-"
It
's.
.it'
s.
."It
ryt
ofini
shmysentence,
buta
t
eart
hreatenstofal
lsoIbli
nki
taway.
Mom-"
Magnifi
cent
!It
'sper
fect
!"Sheexcl
aims
wi
thawidesmil
eonherface.
Ziyanda-"
It
'ssoy
ou!Under
stat
edel
egance,
just
thewayy ouli
kei
t.
"
Me-" Siyabongaisonesneakyman!I 'vebeen
l
ookingupweddi nggownsonl i
nei nbetween
mybusyschedul eoft akingcar eofthekidsand
school ,
andt herewasal way sonedr essthatI'
d
admi relongerthanther est,andwel li
t'
s
ri
diculouslysimil
artot hisoneher e.Iknewthat
forwhenev ermyweddi ngcer emonywoul dbe,
I'
dwantt olookandf eellikeapr i
ncess.Thisis
theper f
ectpr i
ncessdr ess!"IsayasIcl apmy
handst ogetherinexcitement .

Theex aggeratedt ull

eskirti
sper fectforthe
pri
ncessef f
ect ,withitsdeli
cate
embel l
ishmentsanddr amat i
cv olume.The
bodicehasint r
icatebeadi ngwithspar selace
appli
quesall over.Thel owsweet heartneckli
ne
providesanappr opr i
ateamountofsexyaswel l
asthemeshont hesi des.There'sruchingon
t
hebackt hatf
ormsapatter
nleadi
ngtothe
mini
atur
ewhi t
efabr
iccov
eredbutt
ons.
Me-"
Okay
,let
'
sputi
ton!
"
I'
m assistedbycount l
esshandsandZi yanda
fi
nallyti
est helastbut t
on.Mymot hersweepsi n
andhel psinpl aci
ngmyi mmacul ateandnev er
endingcat hedralv eilonmyhead, addi ng
anotherelementofgr andeurt omyl ook.
Ziyandaandmom di sappeart ogetdr essedand
Istandi nfrontoft hewal l l
engthmi r
rorasI
attemptt ocal m myner ves.Iadmi r
emy
refl
ecti
onandadmi ttomy selfthatIlook
nothingshor tofrav ishing.Myhai rti
edi ntoa
highbun, embel li
shedwi thaSwar ovski cryst
al
headpi ecei sperfectt orev ealmymadeupf ace.
Pinkandgol dunder t
onedmakeupaccent uat
es
allofmyf aci alf
eat ures.;Siyaisgoingt odrop
dead.

Mom andZi
yandaf
inal
l
ymaket
hei
rgr
and
entr
ance,rev
eal
i
ngt
hei
rjawdr
opoi
ng
ensembles.
Me-"ThankGod, theydi
dn'
tchooseatwopi
ece
foryou."Igest
uretomymot herandshe
chucklessoftl
y.
Me-"
Youbot
hlookunbel
i
evabl
e!"
Ziy
anda-"
Iknowr
ight
?"Shesay
sasshet
wir
lsa
fewti
mes.
Ziy
andaiswearingawhit
efloorl
engt
h
hal
ter
neckbeadeddressandmymot heri
s
weari
ngawhi t
emi dsl
eevedgownwith
embell
ishment
s.
Mom-"
Okay
,It
hinki
t'
sti
me!
"
Afterhuddli
ngtoget
herandsay ingaqui ck
prayer,
thethreeofusheadoutoft hequaint
buil
dingontothecourt
y ar
d,withthe
photographerscapt
uri
ngev erystep.Wewal k
downt heancientst
epsandheadf ora
vi
ney ar
desquescenery.Ihearanor chestr
aplay
tr
anqui
ltunesfr
om adi
stanceandBrandon
appear
soutofnowhereandtakesZi
yanda'
s
handaft
erdishi
ngafewcompliment
s.
Ziy
anda-"
I'
ll
seey ouontheot
hersi
de!"She
saysandbl
owsaki ssatmethenheadsinthe
opposi
tedi
rect
ion.
Mymot hert
ri
est
otugatmyhand,
butIdon'
t
budge.
Me-"
Mama,
whati
f?.
."
Mom-" Nonsense.Icoul
dn'thavepi
ckeda
bettermanforyouevenifItri
ed!ZI
NHLE,you
arewalkingdownthisai
sleevenifIhav
etopull
youbyy ourhair
.Thi
sisthebeginni
ngofthe
restofyourl
ifemybaby,nowcome. "
Mymout hcurvesintoasmi l
easIthinkifmy
soul matewaiti
ngf ormeatt heendoftheaisl
e
andIswi ft
lyfol
lowbehi ndmymom andst and
besideherunderabeaut i
ful
l
ydecoratedwhite
archwithanembel lishedwhitecur
tai
nmar ki
ng
thebeginningoftheai sl
e.
ThemusicsoonchangesandIhearavocal
ist
begi
ntosingChr
ist
inaPerr
i'
s"AThousand
Year
s"andmyheartmelts.
"
Ihav
edi
edev
ery
day
,wai
ti
ngf
ory
ou.
Dar
li
ng,
don'
tbeaf
rai
d,Ihav
elov
edy
ou
Forat
housandy
ear
s
I
'
lll
ovey
ouf
orat
housandmor
e

Ti
mest
andsst
il
l
Beaut
yinal
lshei
s
Iwi
l
lbebr
ave
Iwi
l
lnotl
etany
thi
ng,
takeaway
What
'sst
andi
ngi
nfr
ontofme
Ev
erybr
eat
h,ev
eryhourhascomet
othi
s

Onest
epcl
oser
"
Mom cl enchesont omyhandandt hewhi te
cur t
ainisdr awnbackr ev ealingaj awdr opping
sightahead.Ani ntimat enumberofguest salli
n
whi teattir
e,apartfrom t hebl ackt ux'swor nby
themen, thewhi t
eseat ing, t her owofshr ubson
eithersideoft heai slet hat '
sor dainedwi tha
l
ongwhi t
ef l
uffycar petwi thouri niti
alsso
elegant l
yconj oi
nedi ntoamonogr am.Icat cha
glimpseofmySi ya, wi t
hourmunchki ns
dressedi nwhi terest ingi nei thersi deofhi s
broadchest .Ourey esi nt erlockandIf loatdown
theai slepay i
ngnoat t
ent iont oany thingand
any oneel sebesidesMrNy at hi.Ifi
nallyr each
Siya, andIseeat eart ri
ckl esdownhi scheekas
we' r
el ostineachot her.Mymom t akest he
munchki nsfrom Siy aandt akesherseat ,
l
eav ingSi yatograbmyhandwi t
hhi ssweat y
andmascul i
neone.
Si
ya-"
Youl
ookbr
eat
htaki
ng.
"Hewhi
sper
s.
Me-"You'
reonesneakyman!Ahandsomeone
att
hat.
"IsayasIpi
nchhishand.

Thepri
estwelcomestheguest
sandaftera
shor
tsermon,I'
m br
oughtbacktomysenses
whenheinst
ructsSiy
aandItofaceeachother
andsayourownv ows.
Me-"
What
?"Iwhi
speri
napani
c.
Si
ya-"Don'
tworr
y,I
'm notprepar
edeit
herandI
'
ll
st
art
."Hewhisper
sbackt henwinksatme.
Heinhal
esadeepbreat
hthengr
absholdof
bot
hofmyt r
embli
ngandperspi
ri
nhhands.
Siya-"MaKhumal o,wher edoIbegi n?Mylove,
allofthisthatyouseeher ebeforey oudoesn't
sufficeinshowingy outhemagni tudeofloveI
possessf oryou.Theyal wayssayt hatact
ions
speakl ouderthanwor ds,butIdon'tbel
ievethat
any more.Nothingspeakst othevol umeoflove
thatIhav e.EvenifIweretowor shiptheground
thaty ouwal kon, youst il
lwoul dn'thav eani dea
oft hedept hofl ov ethatIhav efory ouandour
l
itt
lef ami l
y .Youcamei ntomyl i
felikea
hurr i
cane, dest ructedi twithinsecondsandy et
wer est i
llther ainbowt hatIy earnedf oratt he
endandy ou' vemademel osesl eept hinking
howIwassur vivingbef oreImety ou.Today ,I
don' tonl ygi vey oumysur name, butIgi v
ey ou
ever ythingel set hatisme, fortherei snome
withouty ou.Iv owt ohonourYou, protecty ou,
besensi t
ivewhenIneedt obeandmakei t
easi erf ory out of alli
nl ovewi thmeev er
yday .I
dedi cat ether estofmyexi stencet oy ouand
ourf ami l
yandIv owt ochoosey ouev ery
mor ningandev eryev eningwi thoutdoubtor
hesi tationf ori nfinit
y.Oh, andbey ond."Tear s
stream downmyf aceandSi yarubsmycheeks
withhi ssof tt humbs.Ir eachupt oki sshim, but
thepr iestcl earshi sthroat.
Pr
iest
-"We'
renott
her
eyet
.It
'sy
ourt
urnnow.
"
Ii
nhal
eadeepbr
eat
hinandgazei
ntoSi
ya'
s
ey
esf
oramomentt
henI
'
mimmedi
atel
ycal
m.
Me-"
Wellt
hat
'satoughactt
ofol
l
ow.
"Isayand
t
heguest
schuckl
e.
Me-" Bab' Ny athi,ourr el
at i
onshiphasbeensuch
arollercoast erwi thitspeaksandl ows, andj ust
l
ikear ol
lercoast er,I'
v enev erwantedt ol etgo
orjumpof f.You' vebecomemyl if
eli
neandI
neverwantt oi magi neal if
ewi t
houty ou.You' ve
helpedmer ealizemywor t
handwantt obea
betterwoman, notj ustf ormy sel
f,butf ort he
amazi ngmant haty ouar e.Imaynothav ey our
mill
ionsandy ourpr izedpossessi ons, butIv ow
togiv etoy ousomet hingt hatispri
celess; me.I
givey ouall ofme, mymi nd,bodyandsoul is
yoursandf or everwi llbe.Ev enwheny ou'reon
theot hersideoft hewor ldandmybodyi sn't
withYou, you'llhavemysoul .Ivowt hatt heonl y
entit
yt hatwi llbei nt hi
suni onisourFat herGod.
Ivowt obet hebestmot herIcanpossi blybe, to
beki ndwi thmywor dsev enwhenMyt hought s
aren't.Ivowt oencour ageYou, bey ourst r
engt h
i
fevery
ou'
reweak,besubmissi
veandfal
li
n
l
ovewit
hyouoverandoveragai
nevery
day."
Si
yabl
inksandt
ear
str
ickl
edownhi
sfaceashe
mout
hs"Ilovey
ousomuch"

Pri
est-"Well
,there'
snot hi
ngmor eformet osay.
WhatGodhasputt ogether,l
etnomanput
asunder.MrNy athi,sealyouruni
onwi t
hMr s
Nyathiwit
haki ss."Thecr owdcheersasSiya
cl
osest hegapbet weenusandat t
acksmewi t
h
akissthatl
eav esmeweakatt heknees.
Si
ya-"Mr
sNyat
hi,
arey
our
eadyf
ort
her
estof
ourl
iv
es?"
Me-"
Iwasbor
nreadyMrNy
athi
!
"

TheEnd