Violence in movies and on TV includes scenes where characters fight, use weapons, or
hurt each other. Firstly, The violent programs often show people in dangerous or scary
situations, some viewers feels scared and nervous, causing psychological disorders.
Secondly, it makes aggressive viewers and increases violent crimes. Finally, watching
violent movies for a long times will affect work, sleep,…etc. For examples of violent
programs are crime dramas with police chases, and horror movies with scary enemies.
Some people think that violent in movies and TV can be harmfull, especially to
children, because it may lead to aggressive behaviour and caused many murders.
However, others that belive violence in movies and TV is just entertainment and helps
people release emotions in a safe way. In my opinion, while a little violence in movies
can be exciting, it is important to be careful about how much we watch, especially for
younger viewers.
1. Grammar:
Sentence Structure: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and article use. For
example:
o "some viewers feels scared" → "some viewers feel scared" (subject-verb
agreement).
o "causing psychological disorders" → "which can cause psychological
disorders" (more natural phrasing).
o "watching violent movies for a long times" → "watching violent movies for
long periods of time" (correct plural form and more natural phrasing).
o "violent in movies and TV" → "violence in movies and on TV" (correct noun
form and preposition use).
o "caused many murders" → "has caused many murders" (correct tense).
o "others that belive" → "others who believe" (correct word choice).
2. Vocabulary:
Clarity and Precision: Try to use more precise language when explaining your
points. For example:
o "dangerous or scary situations" → "dangerous or frightening scenarios" (more
varied vocabulary).
o "violent programs" → "violent content" (this is broader and more appropriate).
o "psychological disorders" → "mental health issues" (this is a more neutral
term).
o "increases violent crimes" → "can contribute to violent behavior" (more
measured phrasing).
Spelling and Word Forms:
o "harmfull" → "harmful" (correct spelling).
o "For examples of violent programs" → "Examples of violent programs
include" (more natural phrasing).
3. Organization:
Transitions and Flow: Your ideas are well-organized, but you could improve the
flow by using more varied transition words or phrases to link your sentences. For
example:
o "Firstly" could be replaced with "One concern is..." or "For example, one issue
is..."
o "Secondly" could be changed to "Another issue is..."
o "Finally" could be rephrased as "Additionally..."
Conclusion: Your conclusion is clear but could be a bit stronger by emphasizing the
importance of moderation in viewing violent content, especially for younger
audiences. A slightly more reflective conclusion would add to your argument.
Violence in movies and on TV includes scenes where characters fight, use weapons,
or hurt each other. Firstly, The violent programs often show people in dangerous or
scary situations, some viewers feels scared and nervous, causing psychological
disorders. Secondly, it makes aggressive viewers and increases violent crimes. Finally,
watching violent movies for a long times will affect work, sleep,…etc. For examples
of violent programs are crime dramas with police chases, and horror movies with scary
enemies.
Some people think that violent in movies and TV can be harmfull, especially to
children, because it may lead to aggressive behaviour and caused many murders.
However, others that belive violence in movies and TV is just entertainment and helps
people release emotions in a safe way. In my opinion, while a little violence in movies
can be exciting, it is important to be careful about how much we watch, especially for
younger viewers.
