Character Character Character Race (if

Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
I wanted to know. What was outside the walls. Everyone said terrible things. But I knew that grown-ups didn't always
tell the truth. I didn't believe them. I wanted to know. So I slipped away. I went to the South Gate. I knew the
watchman that time and day was my uncle Fig. I knew he got sleepy after lunch. I waited till he dozed off and I
opened the gate. I only meant to look. But there was that little ridge, that I couldn't see over. I found I had to just see
Dog Act Dog what was on the other side. And there were the woods, and there was something through the trees, and I found I just Male Liz Duffy Adams Playscripts 2 Dark Comedy
had to go see what that was. It was a stream, running down a slope, and I followed it. After I'd walked for a while I got
tired, and I lay among some ferns to rest. And I fell asleep. When I woke up it was nearly dark. I was worried. I'd have
been missed by then. How would I explain. I followed the stream back, and went through the little woods, and
climbed up the ridge. I began to hear a noise. I came to the top of the ridge. I'd left the gate open.
It is strange, being here again. If I didn't know better, I would say there's a feeling here of unquiet ghosts. Do you feel
that? Restless spirits of the betrayed and unavenged. They were a gentle people. But they were most ungently
served. No doubt you imagine that your own suffering, your own voluntary demotion from humanity, your assumption
of canine humility are sufficient to shield you from your own past deeds. It doesn't work that way, dear boy, as you
ought to know. It is a matter of consequences. Not a moral question at all. There are things that forgiveness cannot
touch. There are things that once done cannot be undone. Do you understand me? Feeling any amount of guilt or
Dog Act Vera anguish, performing any little rites of expiation, all that is quite beside the point, because it isn't a sin, a person moral Female Liz Duffy Adams Playscripts 2 Dark Comedy
drama - it is an historical fact. A miniature civilization lies here in ruins and decay. Because of you. I stand here as the
sole survivor of your act of thoughtlessness and selfishness. The sole surviving member of your own tribe. Your only
kin in this world, and your victim. Can you look at me and deny me anything? Can you look at me and not know that
you belong to me, body and, for what it's worth, soul? That's right. I'm glad we've had this chance to talk. I'm sure it's
a relief to you, in a way. You've come home. All you need to do now is remember where your allegiance lies. I won't
ask anything else from you. Do you understand me, Dog?
All your years of exile I was here, growing up under the Roundheads. A brutal, coercive, repressive regime, the rule
of the mob disguised as democracy. I hated it for my country and I hated it for myself. I was a self-taught country girl
longing for a wider world and the Puritans meant to keep me in a cage until I ate my heart out and died. The day of
Or, Aphra your Restoration it was dark and overcast, and then suddenly the sun broke through the clouds and made the crown Female Liz Duffy Adams Dramatists 1 Drama
on your dark head shine out like an answer sun - do you remember? That's how it was. The sun came out and I knew
my life had just become possible. Freedom, especially for a woman, is only possible under an enlightened monarch.
You're mine, and my pen, for what it's worth, is at your service.
Oh, yes, you are very much capable of undermining all my determinations. As low as my state is now, you might
bring me very much lower if you bring me to fall in love with you. I've survived storms at sea, the malice of counter-
agents, the assassination plots of enemy spies, near-starvation, and the maddening stupidity of a brief and necessary
Or, Aphra marriage. I've skirted plague, fire, and war. But the greatest danger for a woman, let me tell you, plague and fire and Female Liz Duffy Adams Dramatists 1 Drama
war in one, is all-consuming love for a man. As a nation under a tyrant, so a woman in love: all freedom lost for the
sake of a specious security that only lasts as long as a sunny day in England; that is, as long as a man loves or a
tyrant pleases to be kind.
That's right. I shot the stinkin' bastard. Well, except I missed. So I stuck him like a pig. Took the carving knife and pht,
that's right. Think he's going to get away with stinkin' blackmail? Not if I have anything to say about it. We're all right
now. Those two wastrels you left cooling their heels on the steps, they're lugging the body to the river. Let the fish
have him, he'll do them more good than he ever did anyone on dry land. Speaking of which, the landlady's got a nice
Or, Maria eel pie in. Shall I bring some up for you and your friends? Sun'll be up soon; you'll want breakfast. All right, then. (She Female Liz Duffy Adams Dramatists 2 Drama Pronounced Ma-RYE-a, rather than "Ma-REE-a."
begins to exit. Aphra interrupts.) Don't thank me. I didn't follow you through stinkin' jungles and stinkin' ships and
stinkin' Antwerp and stinkin' prison and stinkin' all to have some stinkin' bastard blackmailing son of a proxy whore
ruin us just when we're on the brink of theatrical success. Write me one of those clever-servant parts and we're even.
Wouldn't be acting, I could do it in my sleep.
Come on, don't be such a nostalgia queen. Look around, it's already begun. We can love who we want, girls or boys;
we can wear any clothes we want - The world is changing. A woman can be an actress, a playwright, a poet, a
Or, Nell libertine, a spy. A nobody like me is the It Girl everyone loves; you can shed your murky past to become the toast of Female Liz Duffy Adams Dramatists 2 Drama
the theater; every day and night is a party and a happening and a grand festival of art and love. We are lucky to be
alive right now. This is our utopia, and it's never going to end. Just choose to believe it, that's what I do. Just like this.
I've been out there. I've been out there for years. I've seen it. I was just in Terschelling when we burnt the town, the
Great Bonfire, as the English papers so cheerfully called it. I was there. I heard the screams of the old people burnt
alive in their beds. I saw a girl gang-raped to death by soldiers. O, most people got out; as the sack of an enemy town
goes it was a May fair. But tell that to all the people who came creeping back the next day to find their home a pile of
Or, William Male Liz Duffy Adams Dramatists 2 Drama
smoldering rubble. I can still smell it. You have no idea. You've chosen to forget, you've chosen willful naivety for the
sake of an easy life, you've left me out there doing the dirty work while you whore yourself and write poetry! You're
the one who's changed; when you were a spy you were still a woman, you had a tender heart. Now you're a write I
don't know what you are; you've hardened.
Oh, knock it off. You're an outrage and a scandal, an unmarried woman carrying on over three continents, an
infamous lying whore. Well, that's what they'll say. Even if I can't prove it, it doesn't take much mud to smear a
woman past redemption. No theater will dare have anything to do with you, no man of quality will have you even for a
Or, William mistress, you'll be lucky to stay out of prison. How long do you think you'll survive? Starve in the streets or take Male Liz Duffy Adams Dramatists 2 Drama
refuge in the lowest cathouse till the pox takes you. In a year no one will recognize you. Your name will vanish as
though you were never born. Help me and we'll both survive, and thrive. Betray me and I'll take you down with me.
Pretty simple, isn't it?
I have wondered for years why my parents named me Andromache. I haven't been able to ask them. Thebes was
sacked by Achilles years ago. He killed my father and my brothers. And now my husband. Do your weavers know
that? Do they know how much that one man has taken from me? I wondered, when Hector took me away to safety,
Concord
A Woman's Battle Andromache made me part of this family, if perhaps it was meant to be that I supported him. That I helped him wage his man's Female Sean Adams Drama
Theatricals, Inc
battle. And I tried. I tried so hard. Every day he would step outside of the gates to fight, and he would carry my heart
with him. It wouldn't beat again until he returned home. But I knew this day would come. And in the end, I begged him
not to go. Perhaps I failed him then.
Hector dies today. You've all seen it. Soon enough, Troilus follows. Then Paris, Polyxena, and Deiphobus. The
ferryman’s boat is filled with the sons and daughters of Priam. You, Mother, stand alone in a pile of ashes. And poor
Astyanax. I can see the loom. I see it as clearly as Ulysses’ wife. She weaves and waits for her husband to return. He
is held in place, sailing always, going nowhere. But first he fills the belly of a horse with an army of men. And then Concord
A Woman's Battle Cassandra Female Sean Adams Drama
Troy burns. Troy burns. A Helen, and a woe. I said it then. I begged you. I begged them all to send her from here. Theatricals, Inc
They wouldn't. I knew they wouldn't. I could see them, refusing me before I asked. She brought the doom of Troy with
her, and they refused to see it. No man believes me, but women? You chose to be deaf. You. YOU! You want to lay
blame, Mother? You killed my brother. YOU killed Hector.
No. You will lose him. They demand he is killed. Ulysses. Calchas. Phyrrus. He is thrown from the walls of the city.
He is beaten to death. He is thrown. He falls. He falls ... he ... He is safe. Safe. In a distant land. He is a king. A great
empire bears his name. He survives the fall of Troy. Like Aeneas. Aeneas is grandsire's grandsire to the sons of the Concord
A Woman's Battle Cassandra Female Sean Adams Drama
she-wolf... You lose him, Andromache! They find you. They always find you. And you always lose him. But he may Theatricals, Inc
survive. I don't know. I can't see it. I don't see the threads.... Weave our own threads. Make our own tapestry. That's
our battle.
AMERICA: I'm so sick of hearing about AMERICA: America is a doomed experiment. Don't you see this will weaken
France to the point of extinction?! Look around you. People will just grab for what they can. They just want blood. You
think these people care about you? You're nothing to them. You're dispensible. And when they don't need you
anymore they'll leave you here to rot. They won't come for you. They won't come for you. You don't have anyone.
Concord
Marie Antoinette Marie (Marie laughs at the absurdity.) Well what do I know I'm badly educated; what you think I'm kidding? I'm practically Female Austrian David Adjmi 2 6 Drama
Theatricals, Inc.
illiterate, actually. these men of letters? these Jacobins they had more advantages than I ever did: EVER.
Montesquieu Diderot they want you to use reason: well guess what? I can't reason! I can't do basic math! I can't
make sense of my life. Now what?! I was fourteen. I was shipped off to marry a rich French boy who couldn't even
tuck his own shirt in, I was stripped of everything. I didn't know what else to be. Don't you underSTAND THAT?
My mother told me never to fear death so I'm very resolute. They separated the dauphin from me, out of spite, they
put him in a cell beneath me, I could hear him crying for me. Then they moved me underground – but I do'nt know
where I am... But they left my son in the Temple, do you know what's happened to him? Do you know I begged them
to let him stay? Begged them. But the minister laughed at me, "you Austrian whore why do you feign love for this Concord
Marie Antoinette Marie Female Austrian David Adjmi 2 6 Drama
bastard" – it's so funny I'm an AUSTRIAN whore I love the qualifiers – as if AUSTRIAN makes me somehow more Theatricals, Inc.
lurid Like I'm MORE whorish because I'm Austrian. They were happy to have me when I Was a queen. I'M STILL A
QUEEN!! The Austrian army has crossed the border of France They're forty leagues from Paris, surely they will come
for me. I'm still royal there. They have to come for me. Don't they?
You can't understand it, but I was born to be a queen. It wasn't my choosing, I was born into it. And I wasn't raised I
was built: I was built to be this thing, and now they're killing me for it – but you'd be the same You'd make the same
choices I did. What do you want from me? Is this how you exercise virtue? I don't get it. "Virtue without terror is
Concord
Marie Antoinette Marie impossible" yeah I know.I don't have to "understand it" It's been jammed down my throat. But I had a right to be Female Austrian David Adjmi 2 6 Drama
Theatricals, Inc.
queen. I ruled by divine - OW. YOU CUT ME. People's nature is good, isn't that what you believe, Rousseau? Isn't
that what he says? What does he say? Really, I want to know. Teach me something, would you? EDUCATE ME. The
reality is you can't have a nation without a king.
This is my garden. The dirt is rocky - a rocky, salty patch of earth - Cain’s garden… It is hard work, carving this land,
but good work. I can grow vegetables and herbs here, so… I do. Onions mostly. The legend has it that I found my
way to Boston and became a harlot - or that I boarded a ship for Barbados - but that were only the legend… It is 1702
now - ten years after Salem - and this is my house. It sits at a remove from the center of Boston Town, a place called
Abigail/1702: A Young Woman
Weft Hill. It is a tall hill, so if you stand on that stump - you can see the river, and the harbor, and the ships in the Female Roberto Aguierre-Sacasa Dramatists 1 1 Drama
Twice-Told Tale (Abigail)
harbor. There is a well, too, behind the house. And I have a horse - old, but she’s kicking still. And a tree on the
property that - “that is as ancient as the Tree of Knowledge,” Margaret Hale would say, “Do not eat of its fruit,” she
would say but - it bears no fruit… Summertime, I stand on my stump… and I spread my arms… and the warm breeze
off the river seems to lift me… and I become a bird, a beautiful golden bird that beats its wings towards the sun...
I have not come for work, Judge, I- I heard your words in Church. I was moved by them to seek you out. To- discuss
them with you. Forgive me, but I must ask… Standing in front of your neighbors, saying those things, were you not
ashamed? That were so long ago. And-- you were not the only judge, nor the worst. I- I was there, Judge, in Salem. I
were one of the accusers. I stood in your court and perjured, day upon day. I cried “witch” where there were no
witches. I lied and swore my neighbors had compacted with the Devil, though they had not. Elizabeth Proctor, the
Abigail/1702: A Young Woman others-- When given a chance to recant, I clutched my belly and said that Goody Proctor were setting invisible spirits
Female Roberto Aguierre-Sacasa Dramatists 1 2 Drama
Twice-Told Tale (Abigail) upon me-- You must-- You must hear my confession-- the guilt you felt, that drove you to speak your sins, I feel it ten-
fold-- If there was innocent blood on your hands, there is more on mine-- I beg of you, Judge-- Since Salem, I have
not lived, going from place to place like a, like a wraith - I have not slept for the nightmares that come to me-- Then -
then I heard your words rise to the roof of that church like - like doves - And I saw the shadow come off you- And a
path opened before me where there hand only been clotted trees - I must confess my sins, aloud and to the town - or
I will never be free- I will never know peace--
No – No, I did not know that that – That any of that – Would happen– I thought... I was told... I thought if I accused
you, you would leave, since you and John were not in a good way, and then John and I... There is a boy, in Boston
– his name is Thomas – He lives in a Sabbath house near Old South – He believes himself an orphan – I have
helped take care of him these years, but... I have money– Take this money– For the boy– For Thomas– Take him,
Elizabeth– Be a mother to him– He– He is John's son and he is without stain– The church shelters him now, but he
Abigail/1702: A will ne a proper home– a protector– soon, too soon– John did not know– I thought if I accused you, you would leave
Abigail Female Roberto Aguierre-Sacasa Dramatists 2 11 Drama
Twice-Told Tale Salem, and then I could tell John, and John would be a father to the child– Please, Elizabeth, the boy is innocent and
must be shielded– There is such– evil in the world, I worry for his soul, and I will not have him punished for my wrong
ways– I lived in your house, I know what kind of house you keep. The Devil would not dare set foot across your
threshold. You think I were never put on trial, but there is a court sitting judgment on my soul, even now as we take
breath, and I face a worse judge than you – I must, at last, pay for my sins, but the boy, the boy needs to be spared, I
beg of you–
Dad, I asked you to come with me to California. What do you want? If I lived here the rest of my life, it wouldn't be
enough for you. I've tried, I've tried to be the dutiful sun, to maintain the image of the good son... commanded into
your presence on every conceivable occasion... Easter, Christmas, Birthdays, Thanksgiving... even that Thanksgiving
when Carol was dying, and I was staying with her in the hospital. "We miss you so. Our day is nothing without you.
Couldn't you come up for an hour or two after you leave Carol?" You had no regard for what was really going on... my
wife was dying! No, dad, it's not terrible to want to see your son. It is terrible to want to possess him... entirely and
completely! Ungrateful? What do you want for gratitude? Nothing, nothing would be enough. You have resented
I Never Sang for Concord
Gene everything you ever gave me. The orphan boy in you has resented everything. I'm sorry about your miserable Male Robert Anderson
My Father Theatricals, Inc
childhood. When I was a kid, and you told me those stories, I used to go up to my room at night and cry. But there is
nothing I can do about it... and it does not excuse everything. I am grateful to you. I also admire you and respect you,
and stand in awe of what you have done with your life. I will never be able to touch it. But it does not make me love
you. And I wanted to love you. You hated your Father. I saw what it did to you. I did not want to hate you. I came so
close to loving you tonight... I'd never felt so open to you. You don't know what it cost me to ask you to come to
California with me... when I have never been able to sit in a room alone with you. Did you really think your door was
always open to me? Goodbye, Dad.
I went for a run that night to sweat out my hangover. I opened the door. And this woman was there. A neighbor's
mom I think? Hello? And my brother was just staring at me. Not saying anything/ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah/ I
remember he was just staring at me and I was like Why is he staring at me like that? Okay. And then it gets quiet/ Pin
drop quiet/ And I'm looking at my brother and he's staring at me so hard he's burning a hole through my head/ But
then she's like– "We've been trying to get in contact with you, sweetheart. My son, Ray, told me you lived down the
street from us and that you and Matthew were close–" Matthew? Oh, you mean MJ? Were close? WERE. OH. That's
why he was looking at me like that/ I remember now. That look. It was the "catch you 'cause I know you're going to
fall" look. He gave me the same look when we were seven. I'll never forget when I tried to go sledding down the ditch
of doom trying to be like one of the boys and I didn't get but two steps before I busted my ass/ Fell into the creek/
Good Grief: A
N Face-first into rocks/ Three stitches on my lips. I remember when he carried me home and swooped me up with one Female African American Ngozi Anyanwu Dramatists 1 Drama N is the daughter of first-generation Nigerian immigrants.
Best Friend Play
arm. He's always been strong like that. Then he picked the ticks out of my hair and washed me off with a hose in the
backyard. We made up an elaborate story about how I was kidnapped by the Illuminati and how big bro saved me
from an unmarked van using only a Swiss army knife and his wits. We were too ambitious with our storytelling, but
my parents enjoyed the tale, asked no questions, and took me to the hospital. See, no scar like it never happened.
But it did happen because I remember the rocks. I don't know this woman/ And yet I'll come to remember her as the
woman who broke my heart/ Which is really unfair/ Having not even gotten her name/ Just Ray's mom/ Who I wasn't
even very good friends with/ I remember when we were little he used to eat glue/ Maybe she drew the short straw/ Or
maybe she just lived the closest/ I'm sorry what do you just say to me/ Did I mention that there were tears? Yeah,
there were definitely tears.
I would like to stop time. I would like superpowers. What was that show where the girl put her fingers together and
time stopped... how'd the theme song go? "Would you like to swing on a star? Or would you rather be on earth?"
Then things would keep moving. I would like them to stay still. I would like for nothing to happen ever again. The
Good Grief: A moon doesn't come up, the wind doesn't change, the waves are still. It's quiet, you can't hear anything, not a breath
N Female African American Ngozi Anyanwu Dramatists 3 Drama N is the daughter of first-generation Nigerian immigrants.
Best Friend Play not a sound and nothing happens to anyone, but alas I have no powers. I cannot hold my breath nor can I breathe life
into others. I have tried. Time passes and I can do nothing about that/ But don't worry you'll forget/ But I don't want it
to go away/ I want superpowers/ OUT OF THIS WORLD!/ That's what it was called. Light skin, Perfect kissing height/
Looked damn good in Banana Republic. Poof/ Abracadabra/ Limbo/ We need to move.
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
You turn it on Nne! Don't be nervous now/ Just turn it on/ The world does not stop for you. It does not stop for any
man. If you learn to drive I will get you a car/ Does that sound good? You can get a car/ Honda Accord. Goooooood
car. Then you can go back to school/ Become a doctor/ Instead of staying moping over your friend... You can go back
Good Grief: A to school/ If you can drive you can do anything you want/ You can go anywhere you want... Turn de car on! Chineke!
Papa Male Nigerian Ngozi Anyanwu Dramatists 3 Drama Papa is a first-generation Nigerian immigrant living in a New England suburb.
Best Friend Play I never had a daughta like dis/ A whole you! Crying ova who? Was he your huzban? Carrying on like it was YOU who
lost your life. What did you lose? NOTING/ You have life/ You have breath/ You have a mothah and a fathah/ You
have evryting/ NOW TURN ON DE DAMN CAR! Grown woman, no license/ You need to move, Nne? You can't just
stop. Move ehn? Who are you to cry?
I met my dad yesterday. He looked like me. "I think I'm yours..."/ "Father? Dad? Papa?" I tried all those and he just
stared straight through me/ Then I tried/ Hey I'm your son/ Then I tried I think I'm your son/ Then I asked if I had the The characters list describes MJG: He's a slacker, a thinker, and a dreamer. A James Dean of the
Good Grief: A wrong address/ But I knew I hadn't 'cause/ I was staring at my future/ Anyway... He said I know. he knew... he knew... millennium. He very well may also have the heart of an artist but will not live long enough to fully
MJG Male African American Ngozi Anyanwu Dramatists 9 Drama
Best Friend Play he knew/ where I was/ that I existed/ where I lived/ where I went to school/ how I got into my first fight in high school realize his potential. The bad boy who's not all that bad. The kind of guy that your parents wanted
cuz someone called me a "light skin tree monkey." He didn't miss me though. I'm missable, right? I feel like... if I met you nowhere near.
me/ I'd like me/ I'd wanna claim me/ I mean I would've at least invited me in.
I've been thinking this whole time that he must have been walking around with this like... what do they call it when you
have a limb missing and you act like you still have it? I thought he'd have like this Phantom feeling. Cut to a dude
setting a table with no one there. He sets it every night waiting for me to show. And then he's like "nah I did this all
wrong" and he resets it. The table/ Every day. Hoping that today will be the day/ where he fills this... Phantom The characters list describes MJG: He's a slacker, a thinker, and a dreamer. A James Dean of the
Good Grief: A whatever. I used to have dreams about that. Did you know that? We would hug? We would shake hands like men millennium. He very well may also have the heart of an artist but will not live long enough to fully
MJG Male African American Ngozi Anyanwu Dramatists 9 Drama
Best Friend Play and then hug. How/ When/ Where I'd run into him. I'd create the scenarios in my head. I used to imagine myself realize his potential. The bad boy who's not all that bad. The kind of guy that your parents wanted
walking around in the world. We would meet eyes on the street and know/ We'd calmly sit down. We'd talk about how you nowhere near.
the Eagles need to get it together if they ever want to win the conference. We'd eat at a diner. Nothing too cliché. Just
these two men who would come to an understanding. And we'd go through this ritual like once a week/ For like...
EVER. And he'd wanna know me...
Phoebe, that is enough! I will not have you making ridiculous accusations of Mrs. Cadaver or anyone else. I haven't
slept in three days. The house is a disaster. The dishes are piling up. There's a week's worth of laundry that I don't
have the slightest idea how to deal with. And I've been through our entire phone book asking anyone I could think of
Mr. Dramatic
Walk Two Moons about your mother. Do you think that was easy for me? Do you think I enjoy spreading worry and concern or letting Male Tom Arvetis
Winterbottom Publishing
people know that your mother has walked out on us and I have no idea where she is? It's humiliating. No. I'll continue
calling tomorrow and will speak to Mrs. Cadaver when she gets back. Phoebe... I know this has been terribly hard for
you. It's been hard for all of us, believe me. But your imagination is running away with you.
Oh, don't pretend to act like she doesn't scare you half to death. You don't find her the least bit strange? That wild red
hair sticking out all over the place? And that last name... Yes. Cadaver. You know what that means, right? It means
"dead body," that's what! Really. And guess what she does for a living? Don't you think that's crazy? That a woman Dramatic
Walk Two Moons Phoebe Female Tom Arvetis
whose name means "dead body" could get hired as a nurse? To help sick people?! Sal, it's like hiring a vampire to Publishing
work at a blood bank. It's not natural. She scares me half to death. I don't know how you eat over there practically
every night.
Where am I sleeping? Do you plan on asking me to share your room? I was just thinking you might sleep downstairs
on the couch. There's only one bed and people usually try to make their guests feel comfortable. I mean, it's going to
be a little crowded in here, wouldn't you agree? Unless, of course, you mattress is lumpy. Mine is very firm. A firm
Dramatic
Walk Two Moons Phoebe mattress is much better for your back. That's why I have such good posture. The reason you slouch is probably Female Tom Arvetis
Publishing
because of your mattress. You do slouch, Sal. Look in the mirror sometimes. Don't you know anything about having
guests? You're supposed to give the guests the best that you have. You're supposed to make some sacrifices, Sal.
That's what my mother always says. She says, "In life, you have to make some sacrifices."
Nice try. Don't act all surprised. I didn't know you had a thing for him! I mean, the two of you were always really close,
until whatever fight you had last month. But I didn't put it together. It makes perfect sense. But listen to me, Kamala,
you are a strong independent human, and you do not need a man. I know you've internalized all of these messages
from society that say otherwise, but I'm here to tell you that you are beautiful just the way you are. And courageous
Mirror of Most
and smart. You don't need some boy to tell you that! Let's just go out for ice cream after school, you and me. We can Concord
Value: A Ms. Nakia Female Pakistani American Masi Asare 2 Comedy
watch rom-coms if you want. I will hold back from pointing out the oppressive way that women are portrayed in those Theatricals, Inc
Marvel Play
movies, the ridiculous idea of love at first sight, finding your soul mate just 'cause you spill coffee on him or trip over
his dog's leash or lock eyes in a crowded room with perfect lighting. I mean, seriously, how idiotic– I won't mention
any of that. I'll watch and suffer in silence, if that makes you feel better. Really. 'Cause that's what friends do. I'm here
for you.
When I want to write a comedy, I write a comedy. But Juliet is no character for a comedy. Look at her. How long can
perfection last? I will it forever, and so she must die. If I let her live, what's next? Do lovers never quarrel? Might they
not grow fat and bored? Is there no pestilence abroad? No swordplay? No death in childbirth? Does no horse rear
and trample cart and contents? Or if these lovers do chance to live long and well, will there be no failing of the
The Nurse's senses? Shadowing of the mind? Rotting of the parts? Juliet is not the rest of us. She is, as you say, perfection Concord
Shakespeare Male Sandra Fenichel Asher Drama Shakespeare addresses Juliet's Nurse, who has tried to persuade him not to kill Juliet.
Rebellion – perfect in her innocence, perfect in her devotion, perfect in her love. Such perfection is, at best, briefly glimpsed. Is Theatricals, Inc
it Juliet's life you wish to spare, or your own reputation? This is her life. This is her story. There can be no other. You
have raised her well. Now you must let her go, a wrenching you've suffered with a babe long ago and one you loathe
above all things. You must also know me. No one – not you, not the Capulets, nor Romeo himself – loves Juliet more
than I. By my love, she will remain glorious forever.
Hey Jo. It seems like you're having a really great time in New York, that’s good, that’s really good. I hope you're
“finding yourself,” or whatever, whatever that means, I dunno, I never really did that, but, I guess I'm not a writer, so.
Things here are fine. I've been pretty busy, you know, caring for our grieving mother. She’s started eating again,
though. In case you were curious. About how she’s doing. I check on her every day even though to be honest the
Women Meg Female Chiara Atik Playscripts 15 Comedy
stairs are getting pretty difficult, what with me being eight months pregnant and all. But we all have our burdens! At
least, some of us do. Hahahaha, no, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm so glad you're taking this time for yourself. I heard
from Amy! She’s having a really good time in Rome. I only wish that next time someone would send me the “We're all
going on vacation” memo! Hahaha! I'm kidding. I'm so happy for you both.
I lived with him. I spent my life with him. I fed him. Talked to him. Tried to listen when he talked. Talked to people who
weren't there . . . Watched him shuffling around like a ghost. A very smelly ghost. He was filthy. I had to make sure he
bathed. My own father... After my mother died it was just me here. I tried to keep him happy no matter what idiotic
project he was doing. He used to read all day. He kept demanding more and more books. I took them out of the
Proof Catherine library by the carload. We had hundreds upstairs. Then I realized he wasn't reading: he believed aliens were sending Female David Auburn Dramatists Drama
him messages through the Dewey decimal numbers on the library books. He was trying to work out the code...
Beautiful mathematics. The most elegant proofs, perfect proofs, proofs like music...plus fashion tips, knock-knock
jokes – I mean it was nuts, OK? Later the writing phase: scribbling nineteen, twenty hours a day...I ordered him a
case of notebooks and he used every one. I dropped out of school... I'm glad he's dead.
This is my room. No one is allowed in here except for me. I'm a very tidy sort of person. Which is a bit extraordinary in
this house. I think I must be a freak. I actually like to know where I have put my things. This is my bed. And this is my
desk. And up there on the shelf are my special, most favorite books. Actually one of the reasons that I keep it tidy is
because my very, very special friend, Zara, also likes things tidy. Oh yeah, I should explain to you about Zara,
shouldn't I? You may have heard my mom talking about my invisible friend? Well, this is Zara. Zara, say hello to my
friends. And won't you say hello to Zara, she did say hello to you. I invented Zara when I was seven or eight. Just for
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Invisible Friends Lucy fun. I think I was ill at the time and wasn't allowed to play with any of my real friends, so I made up Zara. She's my Female Alan Ayckbourn Drama
Theatricals, Inc.
special friend that no one else can see, except for me. Of course, I can't really see her either. Not really. Although
sometimes I – it's almost as if I could see her, sometimes. If I concentrate very hard it's like I can just glimpse her out
of the corner of my eye. Still... Anyway... I've kept Zara for years and years, it's been almost ten years now, actually.
Until they all started saying I was much too old for that sort of thing and got worried and started talking about sending
for a doctor. So then I didn't take her round with me quite so much after that. But she's still here. And when I feel
really sad and depressed, I sit and talk to Zara. Zara always understands. Zara always listens.
Hey Jo. Wait up, will ya? Hey, stop. Stop right there. I gotta. I gotta talk to you about something. I gotta, Jo. I gotta.
So here's the thing, ... Okay hear me out, hear me out, hear me out, hear me out, hear me out, hear me out, hear me
out, hear me out. I love you. I LOVE. You. I've loved you ever since I've known you, like the first day. Since you hid
behind that curtain. I've tried to tell you and show you that I love you but you wouldn't let me. I decided yesterday
You on the Moors
Laurie when I saw you after I got out of my carriage that I HAD to tell you and on THIS HIKE, that I would make you listen to Male Jaclyn Backhaus Dramatists 1 3 Comedy This IS Laurie of Little Women.
Now
me because I can't go on any longer. Girls are so queer! You ever know what they mean. They say no when they
mean yes, and drive a man out of his wits just for the fun of it! That's an undeniable fact! Whatever you did, I only
loved you all the more for it. I worked hard to please you but in the end I was always sure I wouldn't be half good
enough– I will never love another soul. NEVER. NEVER!
You love me? Ardently, you say? I will need you to say it again. I will need you to say it a few more times. Oh, I heard
you very clearly. I heard your remarks on my inferiority of birth and circumstance very clearly. I heard you say you
liked me against your reason. Did you lose a bet trying to prevent this great malfeasance? (Aside.) Malfeasance?
(Aloud.) Malfeasance. See a therapist? Lose a bit of sleep? Thank you for telling me, certainly. It's been such a
comfort someone can be SO DRAWN to me for my "qualities" "in spite of" my "character." So thanks, and a BIG OLE
SCREW YOU. You are rude. But that is nothing compared to my following thing which I have to say to you but I've
You on the Moors skirted around it during this whole stupid trip to Rosings Park and so I am going to bring it up now because it is
Elizabeth Female Jaclyn Backhaus Dramatists 3 1 Comedy This is Elizabeth Bennett of Pride and Prejudice
Now relevant and I have your audience captive: Do you think your grand parade of affection could assuage the particular
grievance you have committed in separating forever my sister from perhaps her only chance at happiness? Do you
deny it? Do you deny robbing my sister Jane of a chance at love? Did you know Jane was in London? Did you know
Jane is a very shy person who has trouble expressing her feelings? Do you deny that their separation was enacted
by your hand? Did you entice other parties i.e. Mister Charles Bingley into your line of thinking merely by suggesting
your own thoughts and then coordinating his flight out of the country before anyone had a fair chance at challenging
them? Do you deny ruining her chances forever? Do you deny it?
So it is, my daughters. So it is. I'm afraid it is so. Mrs. March? A traitor? Well you know what I am? I'm a mother, and
a mother does know best. And when the incredibly rich neighbor boy wants to marry my taughter and she refuses
him and runs off to another city and leaves her family scrounging for money and food, then what? Huh? Then what is
You on the Moors
Mrs. March Mrs. March supposed to do? Morals don't feed kids, okay! Morals don't cure ailments and dispositions, amiright Female Jaclyn Backhaus Dramatists 3 1 Comedy
Now
BETH? You girls think you're so "progressive" and "cutting edge" for "following your dreams" and "forging your own
path." "Independent women" don't eat s'mores for dinner. I found you out. I'm here. Fighting for the men because
you've really rankled my garters, girls, and I'm ready to show you how to live a good woman's life.
How would you know what I have and don't have? How? You have your head so far up your own butt, you wouldn't
notice if I were covered in killer ants and being stung to death right in front of you. I mean, it's true! Oh, we joke about
you not watching my show but it's what I do, I make TV shows, it's part of my life, my life. There are some things you
don't know about me; I was impotent for a year, I developed an unhealthy relationship to sleeping pills and kicked it
cold turkey. I dated a Russian woman almost twice my age and loved her. I take flying lessons and I happen to have
read almost every book written about the Civil War. Just because I am wasting my Stanford-Berkeley education
making ironic and cheerful TV shows, doesn't mean I'm not very much filled with despair. Nobody who takes pleasure
Other Desert
Tripp as seiously as I do could possibly be happy. Don't you know that? Look at me: I don't take my romantic life at all Male White Jon Robin Baitz Dramatists 2 1 Drama
Cities
seriously. I am probably a sex addict. I don't want kids because it's far too easy to mess them up, and our parents call
me every time they need help with their email or cell phones, and I am presiding over them getting older and parts
are gonna start falling off of them and you haven't even noticed that Dad has a little invisible hearing aid which he is
too vain to discuss - and they are the only people aside from you and Sleeping Beauty over there that I have ever
really, really loved, and you're half-insane and vaguely suicidal. Silda is entirely insane and incapable of taking care
of herself, and I can feel myself turning into Hugh Hefner. Welcome to the end of the Golden State. I am California!
And California is not happy!
Oh! I finally remembered one of my dreams. Yeah. I thought you'd be happy about that. Okay. So in the dream I'm
dead. I mean, I've just died. And I'm in this weird room. Which is basically like purgatory. And there's a whole bunch
of us, a bunch of people who just died, and we're all waiting to see if we can, you know, move on. To the next level.
Oh. And my dad is there. Because he just died too. And then the room suddenly turns into my dad's study. And this
person starts scanning all the books on my dad's bookshelves with this ISBN-type scanner thing and they run the
scanner over all of his books and eventually one of the books goes like BEEP BEEP BEEP and the scanner
recognizes it and that means my dad is going to heaven. And then it's my turn. Um. Wait. Sorry. Are you bored? I just
got scared you were bored again. Okay. Um. So I'm up next. And suddenly I'm surrounded by all these shelves and
on every shelf is every movie I've ever seen. And some are like DVDs and others are like old VHS tapes from the
'90s and some are even like old thirty-five-millimeter reels, like movies I saw in the theater. And like– yeah.
Everything is there. Like The Wizard of Oz, which is the first movie I ever saw. And like old Jim Carrey movies and
the entire Criterion Collection.... and then they hand me the ISBN scanner and I realize, like I realize that the way
they decided whether or not you get into heaven is through, like, looking at all the movies you've ever watched or all
the books you've ever read and figuring out whether there was one book or movie that you truly truly loved. Like one
movie that symbolizes your entire life. And I think, okay, I'm gonna be fine. I love movies and I've seen all these like
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The Flick Avery awesome movies, this is gonna be no problem, and I start running the scanner across the shelves. I run it across all Male Annie Baker Drama
Theatricals, Inc.
these Yakuza movies I watched in high school, I run it across all the Truffaut movies, and the scanner isn't beeping.
It's weird. It's not recognizing anything. And then I run it over Pierrot le Fou and Barry Lyndon, and I've seen those
movies like literally dozens of times, and it doesn't beep. And we're going past hundreds of movies. Really good
movies. Movies I like really really love. And I start getting nervous. There's only a couple of shelves to go. And I run
the scanner over Andrei Rublev and nothing happens, and then I run it over Fanny and Alexander and I can't believe
it, but ... nothing happens. And then I think to myself: I'm going to hell. I haven't truly like, loved or whatever in the
right way. I thought I did, but I didn't, and I'm going to hell. And then I'm on the last shelf of movies and I've already
like completely lost lost hope at this point but then suddenly the scanner stars beeping and I look at the movie that
made it beep and it's like this old cruddy VHS tape of Honeymoon in Vegas. Honeymoon in Vegas? It's like this
terrible movie with Nicholas Cage and Sarah Jessica Parker from like 1989. I was obsessed with it when I was like
four. I watched it at my cousin's birthday party. It's like a really really bad movie. And at first I'm like: what? My entire
life can be represented by Honeymoon in Vegas? Honeymoon in Vegas is like the one movie I truly truly loved? But
then I'm like, wait, it doesn't matter, I'm going to heaven. I must have done something right in my life because I'm
going to heaven. And that feeling of like... of like knowing that I made the right choices, was like the best feeling I've
ever had. Yeah. Yeah.
I was walking down the aisle; first thing I saw was the back of his head. It jumped right out at me. I recognized that
little hair pattern on the back of his neck, where his hair starts. You know where it comes to those two little points,
and it’s darker than the rest? I always thought that was so sexy. Then I looked at him during the ceremony, and
Five Women something about the way the light hit his face … I swear, it just broke my heart. And then outside, I saw him talking to
Georgeanne
Wearing the Same this awful woman in a navy blue linen dress with absolutely no back, I mean you could almost see her butt. And he Female Alan Ball Dramatists 1 Comedy
Darby
Dress was smiling at her with that smile, that same smile that used to make me feel like I really meant something to him.
And then it all came back, just bang, all those times I sat waiting for his phone call, me going out of my way to make
things convenient for him. You know, I started smoking cigarettes because of him. And if I ever die of cancer, I swear
it’s going to be Tommy Valentine’s fault.
No. He won't do any of that. He'll just get better looking as he gets older, he'll never gain any weight, he'll wear a t-
shirt and blue jeans and have grey hair and he will be so gorgeous that it hurts just to look at him. I, on the other
Five Women
Georgeanne hand, will be as big as a house, I'll wear too much makeup, I won't have any hair left from a lifetime of bad perms,
Wearing the Same Female Alan Ball Dramatists 1 Comedy
Darby and I'll get skin cancer from going to the lake too much when I was in high school and I'll just wake up one morning
Dress
and I'll be dead. And Tommy Valentine will read my obituary in the paper and it won't even occur to him that he ever
even knew me.
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
Y’all, am I bleeding? … Well, I will be. I am having one of those days where I just can't stop running into things? Do
you ever have those? I am usually a very graceful woman, but something about this dress, it makes me feel like
Bigfoot. I just ran smack dab into a cabinet in the kitchen, just walked right straight into it. Like there was a big
Five Women magnet in that cabinet and I had a steel plate in my head. Ka-BOOM. I will probably need stitches by the time this
Wearing the Same Mindy McClure reception is over. I am terrified. Terrified I am going to do something to ruin this wedding, and Scott will never forgive Female Alan Ball Dramatists Comedy
Dress me. Just like that time I ralphed right in the middle of his Eagle Scout induction ceremony. My therapist thinks I was
jealous that I couldn't be an eagle scout, but I don't think that was it. I mean, I was nineteen, I think I had just had a
bad tuna salad sandwich. Oh, this is a bad time, isn't it? I'm so sorry. I'll leave. (She exits, knocking something over in
the process.) See what I mean?
I don't want it to fade– So I don't want to overuse the words. Because someday maybe we'll want to have kids. I
mean I want to, and I think you do, too. We're dating – were dating (past tense), but you can just tell that we might be
one of those couples– Major not minor– and don't you think, don't you think that we're gonna (we might, I think we
might) watch our kids get married? We might make chicken soup for each other in the rain. Don't you think we're
major not minor– When you smell the coffee brewing in the morning you'll think of me because I'll be the one making
the coffee and when you close your eyes at night you'll think of me because I'll be the tipotes that you don't hear
Bright Half Life Erica tiptoeing to bed and I'll be the one whose lips will bring you kisses and the smell of oranges in January– I don't want it Female Caucasian Tanya Barfield Dramatists Drama
to fade. I'd give you more than a life if I could, and I'm not s'posed to say that because how long, how long have we
been dating? Not that long, even though I just know– You might say, you're young (we're both young) and you don't
know what's a lifetime. But I'd give you days and nights– the sun, moon and clouds if I could on a string– You could
fly them like a kite. They'd fly you. That's what's in those three words you say I was afraid to say. That's what I
wanted to say. Take me. You want to go hang-gliding or skydiving or parasailing or wherever– Take me to all those
places you want to go–
Alright girls. We've got a lot of work to do. Nationals is a month away. And we're a mess. Maeve. Get that hair out of
your face. Where's your hair tie? Run and get it. Now we all get to wait for Maeve. (... ... ... ... ... ... ...) Alright. Where
was I? (He holds up a thumb.) This week? We're off to the Legacy National Talent Competition in Philadelphia. (He
adds a finger.) Next week? We take the bus to Akron, Ohio, for StarPower USA (And a third finger...) Then it's
Lanoka Harbor, New Jersey, for The Boogie Down Grand Prix. (He starts with his thumb again and counts up.) If we
win in Philadelphia... If we win in Akron, Ohio... And if we win in Lanoka Harbor, New Jersey, at The Boogie Down
Grand Prix (And I'm talking Overall 1st Place finishes or nothing) we will pack our bags... And we will get on a plane...
And we will fly all the way to Tampa Bay, FLORIDAAAAAAAAA... FOR NATIONALSSSSSSS.... IN
FLORIDAAAAAAAA.... (He silences the girls. They hush.) Now some of you are bumpin at the top of the pre-teen
division, and next year I'm gonna have to bump you up to teens. (Connie. Ashlee, Zuzu. I'm talking to you.) You're
gonna be at the bottom of the pile again and you're gonna have to crawl your way back up to the top. ... But right now
Dance Teacher Concord
Dance Nation you're Big Dogs... How're you gonna cap off your prepubescent years? Will you be winners? Like the Elite Pre-Teen Male Clare Barron 2 Comedy
Pat Theatricals, Inc.
Competition Squad of 1992? Or '95. Or '97. Or two-thousand thirteen. Fourteen. FIFTEEN! Three years in a row.
Boom, boom, boom. ... ... Or will you not even make it to The Wall... Who were the girls in 1996? We don't know... It's
like they never even existed. But the girls in 1997..................... You remember who they were, don't you???? Yes,
Sabina. It was at Nationals in West Bend, Wisconsin, nineteen years ago that Sabina Maratzi was first spotted by a
casting agent from the Telsey & Company in New York City and six years later she was dancing in the chorus of a
Broadway show. Maybe it'll be one of you this time.... Maybe this is the year, this is the moment, this is the dance
where your lives with start! Now we're shaking things up. We may have won with the sailors in Ashley, PA, but it's not
gonna cut it for Philly. ... We need something different. Something special. Something these judges have never seen
before. Something that's gonna kick 'em in the gut and tell 'em there's a revolution coming out of Harrington, Ohio!
THIS IS THE FUTURE! I AM MAKING THE FUTURE! WE'RE GONNA MAKE THOSE JUDGES FEEL SOMETHING
IN THEIR COLD, DEAD, PERNICIOUS HEARTS!
My Mom asked me to dance for her cancer. She saw a documentary about this woman who did a dance and it cured
her cancer and so she asked me if I would do a dance for her and my Mom is not normally like that but she was
feeling really emotional at the time and she kept breaking down all the time so I did this solo at the year-end recital for
my Mom and her cancer. And I tried to make it the best dance I had ever done. I tried to like feel things with my arms
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Dance Nation Zuzu and my legs. I tried to make people feel things with my arms and my legs...But it was just an ordinary dance, really. A Female Clare Barron Drama
Theatricals, Inc
lot of people didn't know it was about my Mom’s cancer at all. They thought it was about whatever our dances are
usually about. Flowers. Or sailors, you know. Not cancer. I didn't make them cry. I didn't make myself cry. I don't even
think I made my Mom cry. She told me that she liked it. But she didn't cry. And it didn't cure her cancer so. Her cancer
actually got worse after that. So it was just an ordinary dance.
I'll take up as little space as possible so that no one will ask me to leave. By no one, I mean you. The thing is, it’s like
this. My Mom, who has the same name as yours, she’s home with her husband, that guy who isn't my dad, and they
don't get along too well, and neither one of them gets along with me, and it’s better if I'm not there at all because
things move there, things move and break – our dishes, glassware, furniture and bodies – things have a way of
finding themselves on the other side of the room. They get thrown and they fly, and I get in the way. I don't have any
bruises to prove how I get in the way, but I do – get in the way. The dishes hit the wall, and I get called names – but
Broadway Play
Amazing Nicky it’s better then what he calls my mom. And what she calls him back. Because let’s note that my mom is not a victim of Female Brooke Berman Drama
Publishing Inc
this name-calling garbage, she’s a full on participant. It is a mutual game of torture. Search and destroy. Carla and
That Guy search, and they destroy. Each other. And then me. Over there, the air doesn't work. That place takes the
oxygen out of the air, takes the good stuff and leaves only poison. So there’s nothing left to breathe and the walls
start closing in and the floors rise, and all the elements reverse. The air over there is full of the stuff you run from. The
air over here is clean. So, I love the idea of not going home. I totally love it. Hugely. Deeply. I'm all over it. Yes. I can
stay. Yes.
You are right, Ophelia. You are a fool. A great fool if you think that love between a man and a woman is more
important than peace between nations. Still, you are not so big a fool as I. Let me tell you a story. Once, long ago,
there was a little girl. She wasn't more than ten years old when her father came to her and told her she was going to
the court of Denmark to meet her betrothed. She was horrified. She didn't want to leave her mother. But she had no
choice. So lonely and frightened, she made the long journey to Elsinore. Then upon her arrival, something wonderful
happened. Her foot had barely set foot in the castle, when a boy – a handsome boy with a shining smile – ran up to
Another Concord
Gertrude her, grabbed her by the hands, and said, "You must be Gertrude. I am glad you have come. We shall be such good Female Marjorie Bicknell
Conversation Theatricals, Inc
friends." That little girl was so happy. This beautiful boy was to be her friend and someday her husband.... It was not
Hamlet who smiled and took my hand. It was not Hamlet who dried my tears when I was homesick. It was not Hamlet
who played games and shared secrets with me. It was Claudius! It was Claudius whom I loved! Hamlet – my
betrothed – was already a grown man when I arrived in Denmark. He took one look at me and said, "What am I
supposed to do with this sniveling brat? Wipe her nose? I certainly cannot marry her." But marry me he did, the
moment I became a woman. The treaty was signed. There was no choice for either of us.
You can't join them. You may never join them until you admit your part in all this. You denied your husband what was
his by right, and gave your love to his brother. You kept that brother by your side, panting after you for years, until in
his desperation he murdered his own brother. You married Claudius in unseemly haste, ignoring your own son’s grief.
Another You willed yourself to believe your son was mad. You suspected that my brother and your new husband plotted Concord
Ophelia Female Marjorie Bicknell Drama
Conversation against your son and yet you did not warn Hamlet. You bear the blame for so much, so very much. Worst of all, you Theatricals, Inc
watched as I drowned. You watched. You saw me enter the water. You saw my gown hold me buoyant until it was so
drenched it pulled me down. You saw it all because you described it all. There were no other witnesses. Yet, you did
not attempt to save me. You did not call for others to save me. You stood silently by and watched me die.
I've been busy. It's just... Seeing you reminds me that I am not going to be in the movie and I know that I was born to
play that part. Because I feel it. Felt it... Look, you don't understand... I grew up, went to school, and live in the same
Nollywood town where I work for my parents at this travel agency and I've never even left Lagos. I don't come from wealth and
Ayamma Female Nigerian/Black Jocelyn Bioh Dramatists 5 Comedy
Dreams access like you or Fayola. So that open call was my shot – my one chance to get out there and see if maybe I can
make my dreams come true... To be like the women in all of those Hollywood and Nollywood films I spent my life
watching... So, to not get the role... It just makes me sad... That's all.
Look at you. Still ONLY concerned about yourself. Only concerned about what people are saying about you, you,
you! Before I left Nigeria, I had it all: a wonderful career, family and friends. I was happy. I didn't need American
success – I had my own – right here. And I left it all behind because I belived in you and your dreams... But you never
Nollywood thought about me... You never cared about me or what I was going through. Just took off to Los Angeles with that
Fayola Female Nigerian/Black Jocelyn Bioh Dramatists 5 Comedy
Dreams white girl trying to "sell your script." ... And you didn't call, come back, or apologize to me. Not even once... Not even
now... And after all these years, here I am, trying to piece together my career again. Asking you of all people to give
me the chance to reclaim all I have lost trying to help you succeed... Do you know what this is like for me? You
always said you wanted to "make me the star." Here is your chance.
Oh please. Nothing about me has ever changed. What do you not understand Gbenga? I sacrificed EVERYTHING
for you and you just– Excuse me? You are the one who begged me to come and be with you in New York! "It will all
be fine Fayola. No one has to know that I did not get into NYU. I will just reapply at it will all be fine-fine." So a "fresh
start" is sitting in a cold apartment, in a scary city, miles away from my family, waiting for you to come home at night?
Nollywood Lying to everyone that you were doing so well in film school when you were just a janitor? Or are you talking about
Fayola Female Nigerian/Black Jocelyn Bioh Dramatists 5 Comedy
Dreams the "fresh start" you were trying to have with that white girl? How did that plan work out for you? Hmm? That white girl
dropped you faster than you could turn your head... Just like every other African man– you were sick with "American
Fever." Don't you understand, to them, you are nothing but another black man. You think I didn't hear about how she
turned you over to immigration? Hmmm? About how they sent you back on a plane home with nothing... Barefoot...
Like the stupid African you are.
Trust me, I understand how heated things can get when it comes to competition. After all, I am Miss Ghana 1966 and
I did not get that prestigious title without getting a bit of dirt on my hands. Now, besides that "episode," you have a
lovely group of girls, but it's clear the standouts are certainly Paulina and Ericka here. Though in light of what Paulina
has discovered, Ericka would be disqualified if the MGU committee found out. ... And that is why we are not going to
tell them. I've got a pageant I need to win. You can't get anywhere in this world by playing fair. Once I left Ghana, no
one cared. Those MGU judges didn't even blink my way! I might as well have been invisible. So if I have to push
every darkie out of the way, so be it! I want my damn promotion! I want, for once in my life, to FINALLY be seen! And
School Girls; or,
anyway, I'm not the only person who will benefit here. If Ericka wins Miss Ghana, she gets the crown, Aburi gets a
the African Mean Eloise Female Black (Ghanaian) Jocelyn Bioh Dramatists 3 Drama
generous donation, and Ghana will FINALLY get some real recognition on a global platform. How is that not win-win
Girls Play
for everyone?! Listen, Paulina... dear. You are a beautiful and bright young lady. And I think you would make a fine
candidate for the Miss Ghana pageant... next year. I can't make any promises on whether you'll be selected, but I am
Miss Ghana 1966 and my recommendation will hold some weight. But... I can't speak for what I will do if you don't
keep that mouth of yours shut about all of this... Do you understand? Good... Do we all have an understanding?
Good. Now... I can't wait to show the recruiting team the diamond that I found in this mine! Just you wait, Paulina.
You will see all of the doors that Ericka is going to open for you! She is going to put Ghana on the map! You'll be
thanking her - trust me!
I mean, I don't even know where to begin with this. Of all the years I have been Headmistress of this school, I have
never seen anything like this. Stealing files! Foul language! Fighting! All of which are grounds for expulsion. Eh-eh! I
did not ask either of you to speak! Have I not gone above and beyond for you girls? Eh? Paulina - I have looked after
School Girls; or, you like you are my own child. Took care of you and paid for things your mother couldn't afford. And let's not talk
Headmistress
the African Mean about the countless hospital bills I incurred only for you to turn around and start using this mess again. And you Female Black (Ghanaian) Jocelyn Bioh Dramatists 3 Drama
Francis
Girls Play Ericka. I know this has been a very tough time for you, but fighting is not the way to deal with these feelings! I am not
finished! Now... while you two are students at my school, your studies will be your number-one and ONLY priority!
Understand? Now, I'm going to go find Eloise and when I come back, you two better have fixed this or no one is
going to the pageant. Do make myself clear?
Uncle Bill hardly remembers you, you know that? I asked him what you were like as a little girl, and he couldn't even
say. He remembers Grandma even less. He didn't have one interesting thing to say about her - about Grandma. They
don't have a single picture of her, either. Not even in their minds. To them, she's just a woman who lived a big,
embarrassing life. They all think they've saved me just in time. Not just from Grandma - from you, too. So I started
wondering if they weren't right. Maybe the smartest thing would be to forget you completely. And Grandma. After all,
what did I ever expect from the two of you, except a good education? You especially - what were you ever to me,
except a voice on the phone every now and then? And I looked around the new room where I was staying, and it was
real nice and... blank, the way a thing is before you put any time into it. I thought, I could live a whole new life here. I
Eleemosynary Echo could invent a whole new me. I could be Barbara if I wanted to, not Echo. I could fit in. I don't mean I'd become like Female Lee Blessing Dramatists Drama
Whitney and Beth. I'm not that crazy. But I could become more like Robinson Crusoe, and adapt myself to a strange
and harsh environment. I could live in a kind of desert. I could even flourish. Like you have. I could live without the
one thing I wanted. But I kept hearing your voice. That voice on the other end of the phone, hiding behind spelling
words, making excuses - or so energetic sometimes, so... wishing. I don't even remember what you said, just the
sound of it. Just a sound that said, "I love you, and I failed you." I hate that sound. And I will never settle for it,
because no one failed me. No one ever failed me. Not Grandma and not you. I am a prize among women. I'm your
daughter. That's what I choose to be. Someone who loves you. Someone who can make you love me. Nearly all the
time. I'm going to stay with you. I'm going to prepare you for me. I'm going to cultivate you. I'm going to tend you.
Our young Sif is no longer a little girl. Do I detect between you a hint of–– Forgive a father's prying, Thor. My favorite
son. I know, I know. A father is not meant to play favorites, but it's true. I make no apology. Even Loki knows it's true.
That might explain his propensity for... mischief. But remember, my son, there is room for a bit of mischief in life. The
time will come for seriousness... when you are crowned king. This look you make! Would you begrudge an old man
for stating what is so obvious? Your destiny. Now look, you've made me serious. How do you feel about your exams
Hammered: A today? Have you studied well? Then your work here is done. A bit of fatherly advice, then. And by my right hand if
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Thor and Loki "Odin" you tell your mother I said so, I'll deny it. A cask or two of mead drunk before any important test quenches the belly, Male Christian Borle 1 2 Comedy Marvel Spotlight Series; and actually, Odin is Loki in disguise
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Play lubricates the mind, and reminds you that, even in the darkest of times, life is meant to be celebrated. Trust me, boy.
When I vanquished the Frost Giants and made parley with King Laufey to bring about a lasting truce, I was half in the
bag on Jotunheimrish ambrosia. I say, if you're old enough to fight like a king, you're old enough to drink like a king.
Look me in my one good eye and tell true, have you never snuck a gulp or two to give you the courage to ask that
comely mammoth trainer in the stables to dance? Ho HO! We are more alike with every passing day. Lighten up, my
boy! 'Tis an order from your King.
Gah! Every page, paragraph, and read at me, sir! Do you imagine that books can harm me? Is naiveté really your
armor? Here! Surprised?! See, I touch, hold, read it. Do you expect me to crumble into so many Dead Sea Scrolls?
Myths, unfortunately, are only myths! Life goes on, survives wildly, and I not least wild among many. Your King
Something James and his literary version of some poetic rantings is worth just this much of my sweat. I hear your heartbeat,
Dramatic
Wicked This Way Dark Halloway. My ears are not as finely tuned as the Dust Witch's, but they hear. Your eyes jump to see. To find what? Male Ray Bradbury 2 Horror
Publishing
Comes The boys? Hiding in the stacks?! Good. I do not wish their escape. Not that oflks will believe their gibberings. In fact it
advertises our shows, people titillate, nightsweat, and come prowling to find themsleves. You came to prowl this very
day. How old are you? Fifty-one? Two? Like to be younger? Oh, it's nice to be young. Wouldn't 40 be nice, again?
Thirty?
Is that what they do? No! You need fuel, gas, something to run a carnival on, yes? The carnival gorges on fear and
pain - that's the vapor that spins the carousel. It smells boys ulcerating to be men twenty-thousand miles away. It
feels the aggravation of middle-aged men like me. Need, want, desire, we burn those in our hearts, oxidize those in
Something our souls. The carnival inhales that gas, ignites it and chugs on its way. It makes you promises, you stick your neck
Dramatic
Wicked This Way Halloway out and - wham! Take the carousel - changing size doesn't change the brain. If I made you 25 tomorrow, Jim, all your Male Ray Bradbury 2 Horror
Publishing
Comes friends would still be boys. You'd be cut off from them forever because you couldn't tell them what you'd done. You'd
be separated from everyone you love. And the unconnected fools is the harest the carnival comes smiling after with
its threshing machine. But that Dark fellow and his friends don't hold all the cards. Today I was afraid of him, but I
saw he was afraid of me. There's fear on both sides. Now how can we use it to our advantage?
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
Now, since when did you think being good meant being happy? Learn otherwise! Being good is a fearful occupation,
Will. Men strain at it and sometimes break in two. You work twice as hard to be a farmer as to be his hog. And peope
do love sin, Will. And how they love it! Oh, it would be grand if you could just be fine, act fine, not think of it all the
time. But it's hard. With the last piece of lemon cake waiting in the icebox, middle of the night, not yours, but you lie
awake in a hot sweat for it, eh? Or, a hot spring noon, and you're chained to your school desk and away off there's
the river, cool and fresh over the rock-fall. Boys can have clear water like that in their sleep! So minute by minute,
Something hour by hour, it never ends, you got the choice this second, now the next... Run swim, or stay hot, run eat or lie
Dramatic
Wicked This Way Halloway hungry. So you stay, but once stayed, Will, you know the secret? Don't think of the river again. Or the lemon cake. Male Ray Bradbury 2 Horror
Publishing
Comes Because if you do, you'll go crazy. Add up all the rivers never swum in, cakes never eaten, and by the time you're my
age, Will, it's a lot missed-out-on. Look at me: married at 39, Will, 39! But I was so busy wrestling myself two falls out
of three, I figured I couldn't marry until I had licked myself proper good and forever. Till at last I looked up from my
great self-wrestling match one night when your mother came to borrow a book and got me, instead! And I saw then
and there you take a man half-bad and a woman half-bad and put their two good halves together and you got one
human all good to share between. That's you, Will, for my money. I early-on saw you were wiser, sooner and better,
than I will ever be...
Oh, you do not remember anything? Nor do I. We must both be plagued with amnesia, a foggy blight of forgetfulness
caused by our mutual head trauma. Tell me stranger, do I seem familiar to you? For thy beauteous face seems a
pleasing mystery. Sadly, I recall nothing, yet I have an idea as to our dire situation. Clear it is that we are strongly
attracted to each other. Perhaps you and I met, not long ago, and blessed by love at first sight, we devoted ourselves
Romeo Revised Romeo to one another, spiting all family and friends, whereupon, before we could be together as man and wife, perhaps I Male Wade Bradford Heuer Publishing
was banished, and the only way you could join me was feigning thy death. Thus, I was sent here to revive you and
steal you away, where we would then find some nest of love hidden away in the hills of Verona, and hence we would
spend the rest of our lives snuggling in the spoon position. No, that doesn't make sense. No one could fall in love so
quickly.
Am I in the right place? Mrs. Max Bennett. June. Gosh Mrs. Dalton, it's such an honor to meet you. Your husband is a
true visionary. Oh, and golly, I'm sure you're good, too. When I started dating my Max junior year – this was the only
place our parents would let us come unaccompanied. At first I honestly couldn't care less about what was happening
on stage, I was all about billing and cooing with Max in the back row, but once I came up for air, I started to really like Concord
Into the Breeches June Female White George Brant 1 3 Comedy
it. The men were all dreamboats and the girls so glamorous – those dresses! I've prepared Hotspur's wife, Kate. (She Theatricals, Inc.
takes a moment, then recites, stiffly.) O, my good lord, why are you thus alone? For what offense have I this fortnight
been a banished woman from ym Harry's bed? (MAGGIE stops her.) Oh! Was that not –? I'm sorry, I gave blood
earlier today, maybe I'm a bit– Applesauce! Was that not–?
Before we continue any further with this illuminating scholarship, I wonder if perhaps we shouldn't have taken care of
all of the business matters before diving into the text. It's the first day, and what I do not have is my first paycheck.
The Oberon has never paid me before, but I've never been a man before. None of the women in the company have Concord
Into the Breeches Celeste Female White George Brant 1 4 Comedy
ever been paid before, but our men? Our men have always been paid. I am now playing a male role, ergo, I shall be Theatricals, Inc.
paid. I'm only claiming what is rightfully mine. Judging from the past twenty-six seasons, there is clearly intrinsic worth
in playing a man, and I expect to be compensated accordingly.
Maggie, wait! Don't say the lines! The extra ones. The ones you added. You can't say them! Because it's apologizing!
One big disclaimer. And I know you're proud of what we've done here, and God knows I am. So you can apologize for Concord
Into the Breeches Celeste Male White George Brant 1 5 Comedy
the lack of scenery and lights, but not for us, do not dare apologize for us! Tell me. Is this your vision? What you Theatricals, Inc.
wanted? Then leave the apology out. Leave it out or I don't know what we've been doing here. Do not!
No. No. I see nothing but a deranged female barging into the University Club, talking nonsense about salaries for
actresses. Where does this end with you? First you ambush me with my wife – who thanks to your gaggle has got us
eating Spam and riding bicycles everywhere – something about a Mrs. Exception? Shame? Shame is not
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Into the Breeches Ellsworth concentrating on the war effort, my dear woman, shame is bringing up this frivolous question at a time when our men Male White George Brant 1 5 Comedy
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are fighting the greatest menace the world has ever seen. So you'll forgive me if I don't share your outrage at a
practice that has served us fine and dandy for twenty-six seasons. If it was good enough for Andrew– Impugn away,
Maggie, because this cold, calculating businessman is going to tell you to take a flying leap off a–
No. You have every right to know. I can assure all of you ladies that I tried to enlist on numerous occasions, at
various recruitment stations. First, they told me I was too short, so I wore shoes with lifts. Then they told me my eyes Concord
Into the Breeches Stuart Male White George Brant 1 6 Comedy
were too poor, so I cheated on the exam. Finally, they told me I was a swich, a suspicion which led to an extremely Theatricals, Inc.
humiliating interrogation I found I did not have the strength to repeat. Believe me, I know where I should be.
I come out here sometimes. When I want to be alone. Oh, I went to give blood today. June inspired me. What with
her Victory Socks and rubber drives and Junior League. I never got close to a needle. That nurse looked me in the
eye and told me they were all set. For colored blood. There's this poem? It was in the last issue of Negro Story - the
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Into the Breeches Ida last stanza, after that nurse, it keeps running through my head: "Goodbye to the days of the jig and shine boy; and Female African American George Brant 1 7 Comedy
Theatricals, Inc.
hello, brother. We will live with you, work with you, and sing in your songs your sorrow. We will weep for your dead as
we mourn our own, And place our blood beside yours upon the altar." Our blood, Stuart. Yours, mine. It belongs in
that blood bank and it belongs here (The theatre), together on this altar, on that stage in there.
It's over, your little dream is finished. I was inspecting one of my mills in Woonsocket the other day. And while I was
there I came across a poster for a kiddie play. A play starring a certain someone who cannot be in two places at
once. You all kept your little secret from me for two weeks, but the jig is up. Celeste was the one company member
you had left, and she is gone. It gives me every right to pull the funding– Breach of contract! Or to use your
terminology, Celeste was the one who lingered, and she is gone. The others are on their way to something. Winifred
told me what you're up to. You all dressing up as men is bad enough, but – but, but, Stuart as a woman and this –
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Into the Breeches Ellsworth this – Ida, yes, you can't be serious. Yes, all right, they have dedicated their lives, yes, in their respective, designated, Male White George Brant 2 1 Comedy
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backstage ways. Backstage, backstage, underlined, italics. The Oberon hasn't seen a tomato in twenty-six years,
Mrs. Dalton, but there is talk, I warn you, there is talk on the streets, you are dragging this institution back to the dark
ages! The Oberon is not the place for – there are – there are institutions for men who put on wigs and prance around.
And there are institutions for those from the – other side of the tracks to perform in as well. Ours is not one of them.
Mrs. Dalton, I have bent, I have bent, now you would break me. Tomatoes. Tomatoes are the only laurels that await
you.
Can I – can I make a confession? You ask every day about Paul – I just need to come clean. It's not that I haven't
heard from him, exactly. I got a letter last week. It was my own. Stamped Return to Sender: Paul's Missing in Action.
Then it came back to me – I read in the paper two weeks ago, the Allies made a big air raid over France: we sent fifty
planes and lost only three. Only three. Paul must have been one of the "only." I know he's missing. Which means one
of two things, so... so I have to hope, pray that he's been captured. A funny thing to pray for, huh? That he's being
tortured by some Nazi or– ! I've written to the War Department, the Red Cross, families of his crew members, even Concord
Into the Breeches Grace Female White George Brant 2 2 Comedy
the French Resistance. Nothing. No one knows where he is. Postman won't look me in the eye anymore, walks up to Theatricals, Inc.
our box like he's marching to a grave. Every day I don't know if he's going to deliver good news or a gold star for me
to hang in the window like all the other war widows on the block. I'm being punished. No, listen. I've... I've been really
enjoying myself this past month with you all and one day it crossed my mind that none of this happiness would've
happened without Paul gone. And then this, it's like someone read my mind, the betrayal there, and I'm punished with
this. It's horrible, but, even if I am being punished, I feel alive for the first time and I – I can't walk away.
Snow's on board. What if Andrew isn't. Mr. Snow, he said something that – All my letters to Andrew: the salaries,
promoting Grace, adding you and Ida – what if my husband is completely against my every decision, what if my
letters are nothing more than a bunch of torpedoes headed his way? This production was keeping him going
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Into the Breeches Maggie – knowing it's out there, knowing the world at home hasn't completely changed. But it has now, this production is Female White George Brant 2 2 Comedy
Theatricals, Inc.
different, it's – That's not Andrew, when it comes down to it. Not really. But I'm supposed to be, right? His Parrot? He
never would have put me in charge if– And Snow gave me an ultimatum to get Celeste back. I'll send her a nice note
tomorrow–
What did you say to her? She's a really good person. She's warm and she's giving and she won't ever think of herself
first. Sometimes I just want to shake her, think of yourself, it comes so naturally to everyone else, but she won't eat
until everyone is fed. When I get a cold she makes me garlic tea even though she hates garlic, it makes her gag. Concord Dramatic
The Cake Macy Female African American Bekah Brunstetter 3
When her mom was sick, she dropped everything and moved down here. She has nightmares she's falling into Theatricals, Inc. Comedy
flames. Because of people like you. You don't even know her anymore. Do you know what she likes to read, how she
takes her coffee? I love her. And we wanna spend the rest of our lives together. How is that not what's "best" for her?
When I was twelve, I weighed almost two hundred pounds. I would get crushes on girls that I couldn't understand so
I'd eat Swiss cake rolls instead. My mom thought I'd get less shit at a private school than at public, so she saved up
and sent me to the suburbs. Where I was one of two black kids. Where they called me "Meatball." Where no one Concord Dramatic
The Cake Macy Female African American Bekah Brunstetter 3
would sit with me. Where I got a crush on a girl named Margaret and she kissed me with her tongue in the movie Theatricals, Inc. Comedy
theatre but when her friends found out she wrote 'dyke' on my locker in permanent pen. And when my dad found out,
he threw his bible at my head. It left a mark on the wall. It's good to know where you stand with people.
She's just - She's just trying to do what she thinks is right. I don't expect you to get it. It's always been different for
you. Your mom's a therapist. She buys you weed. Your parents were never even married. Ten years old, you were
taking the city bus to school reading LOLITA. I thought Lolita was a chapstick color. And we live in Brooklyn!
Everyone is a lesbian! We are in a young adult book club just for lesbians. There are so many of you that there is a
whole club just for lesbians who JUST enjoy young adult fiction from the late 1980s! I feel - torn in half up there. All
the time. There's Hare Krishna and there's almond butter and there's global warming and Kickstarters and those little
Concord Dramatic
The Cake Jen seaweed snacks that taste like the insides of fish. And I take it all in because I'm supposed to, because that's where I Female White Bekah Brunstetter
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live and also because my mother raised me to be agreeable. And the parties are easier if when people talk about
people down here, I just nod and say "totally" but my skin starts to burn so in my head, I go away. I just go away. I go
back to my parents' dining room and I listen to them lament what is wrong with this world and there is this little part of
me who agrees - No matter how much I learn, no matter how many planetariums I go to, how much Richard Dawkins
I read - it's still in there. It was a good part of my life for so long. Every time someone says that God doesn't exist a
little something inside of me burns - it goes DING. But with fire. All the time.
You were raised with those beliefs. And so you get nostalgic. But nostalgia is not a belief system. I know. I'm of a
HUNDRED different minds! I'm black and I'm agnostic AND I'm a woman AND I'm queer. I'm in a world that is not
designed for me. Nothing ever fits. Except you. You know why I had to write that. Remember the letters your mom
used to write you when you first moved away, after college? You had a whole box full of them. That red fruit box.
Some of them weren't even opened. There was one letter that she wrote when she found out you were living with -
Concord Dramatic
The Cake Macy the short dude - She said that if you were "intimate" with him before marrying him that no man was going to respect Female African American Bekah Brunstetter
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you ever again. That if you didn't "change your ways," you were gonna die alone, in Hell. Parents are supposed to
love their children unconditionally. And she gave you a shame so deep you can't even stand the sound of your own
voice. This is all maybe stuff you maybe should have "figured out" before you begged me to marry you and finally I
said okay, even though my whole life I have pushed that far away, but then I started to dream about it, on my own.
Us. Walking towards each other.
Listen ta me. Your ma – she woulda wanted us to join her family, and Oregon's where they are. There's a whole new
life for us out there. Nothin' left for us in Independence. S'true. But I gotta– I need a change, daughters. Everywhere I
look I still see your ma. I walk past the post e'ry day I see the hill where she's buried, and my folks buried, my sister
and my brother and my brother's wife. Each day I wanna stop and – I wanna rest there, for a moment. Don't got time
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The Oregon Trail Clancy for that. Each day? For that sort of reflection? No, ma'am. Gotta move on. Please trust that I know what's best for ya. Male Bekah Brunstetter 1 1 Comedy
Theatricals, Inc
I'm tryin' to change your life here, now. I gifted it to ya and now you gotta trust me with it. You'll thank me someday,
daughter. Got about two thousand miles to go – Elijah says you can make 'bout fifteen miles a day. I'm not askin' your
opinion, daughter, I'm tellin you my plans. It's decided. Now. We gotta get on. If we move through the night we can
catch up with the group left a few days ago. Now go help your sister, start packing up.
Sorry. Did I wake you up? Sorry. It's so sad. The Arctic. The winters are so harsh, and – and life has to fight to live.
GRASS has to fight. And the caribou – the baby caribou – they can run from predators the moment they're born. It's
just in them, when they're born, what is that? And the fox moms have to steal goose babies to feed their OWN babies
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The Oregon Trail Jane – it's babies feeding babies – it's so – it's a circle. There's so much pain. But it's necessary. Sorry. I can't sleep. I'm Female Bekah Brunstetter 2 1 Comedy?
Theatricals, Inc
gonna do the dishes before I go to bed. This polar bear hasn't eaten in four months. I'll never say I'm hungry ever
again. I am so small. Why do I feel so – That's the worst part. It has no name. It hurts. Right here. And here. I was
gonna do my laundry today but I looked outside and I saw a lion in the street.
I got stuck on this elevator today. For like three hours. I didn't have my phone or anything. It was just me stuck in a
very big box. I felt so powerless. And there was nothing else to do, except think and wait, and think. So much
thinking. So slow. And so I started to make lists in my head to pass the time and then I started making lists of lists but
then I ran out of lists and – and then I just – it started – I cried and I cried – But it's all so stupid because I have a Concord
The Oregon Trail Mary Anne Female Bekah Brunstetter 3 1 Comedy?
good job, I have a good life, everything's fine in the grand scheme of things, so why am I so – why do I feel so – Your Theatricals, Inc
world sucks. I just feel... so... why? I'm just a person. I am just a tiny person and I – I get up every morning. I wash my
face. I go to work. I come home. I go to sleep. I go to work. And I could just – stop. And would it even matter? Would
anyone even – does anything I do even matter?
You asked for help. This is me helping you. I looked up lots of different – first you write down all the things that're
troubling you. Then you burn the clothes you've been wearing and with them, you burn the spirits of negativity that
have been – like – clogging your – yeah. Then there's some stuff with sage. Here's a print-out of the directions. And
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The Oregon Trail Mary Anne here's the sage. It's a cleanse thing. No one is going to murder you. But here's some mace. The woman who brought Female Bekah Brunstetter 3 1 Comedy?
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her dead two-year-old into the ER last night after she accidentally ran over him with her second-hand minivan. SHE
gets to not get out of bed. Not you. Mom and Dad won't say this to you, but I will. I can't live with you anymore like
this. And I know you don't have anywhere else to go. So figure it out. Just figure it out, Jane.
What?! Why're you just saying this right now? Why didn't you tell me that like a soon as you knew? No, not possible. I
didn't check to see who was on the email to see who was invited cuz I hate that not everyone uses their name in their
email address and then I gotta try and guess who MiddieMe246@gmail.com is or LucySkyDiamond@me.com is? I
know you guys. There are the people I know, and then there are the people I only sorta know, and then there are the
17 Donk Male Joe Calarco Playscripts Comedy
people I think I know but dont, and then there are the people I know but don't wanna know, and then there are the
people I actually do wanna know but don't. Tana Simpson is one of them, and you know that, and you don't tell me
this. I told you I never look at who's on emails. I'm sorry, it just reminds me of how many people I actually - you know
- don't know, and then that just - I don't know - makes me feel bad, okay?
Well. So. Like a month ago I guess, I drove down the lake to just - sit. And think. I do that sometimes. On Saturdays.
Like right before sunrise? There's no one ever there that early so it's a good time for it. But this one time another car
pulled in at the other end of the lot, and it was Jairam and he got out and started walking, and I was like, "You know, I
always just sit here and thing, but I could get out and walk and think, out in the fresh air." So I did. And so I started
walking, which was the same way Jairam was walking cause it's just the one path. He was pretty far ahead of me but
at one point he stopped - didn't turn around - just stopped with his back to me, and so I stopped for a second,
wondering - you know - "What's this?" But then I just kept going, but he didn't, and when I got to where he was he
turned to me and said, "Are you following me?" And I said, "Uhh. No." And it got a little tense - like real tense. But
17 Fish then he apologized - like really apologized - like, "I'm sorry. That wasn't necessary - me stopping and confronting you. Male Black Joe Calarco Playscripts Comedy
That wasn't real fear like not actual fear. That was just - irrational, perverted-by-a-one-sided-history fear." Perverted
by a one-sided history. That's what he said. And I thought, "Well, okay then." And he stuck out his hand and I looked
at it, and - I shook it and - we kept walking. Together. We didn't say anything. We just walked. In total silence. And
the thing is, the silence wasn't awkward. It was just like "I'm totally comfortable with neither of us saying anything"
silence. And when we got back to the parking lot, we both got in our cars and drove away. Then the next Saturday we
both showed up and walked again, but this time we did talk, and the next week it was twice a week, and this week it
was three times. He's just like a new person in my life. And well - you know - at college? They're gonna be a lotta new
people in our lives. So. that's a thing you probably need to practice, right?
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
Well. So. Like a month ago I guess, I drove down to the lake to take a walk. I do that sometimes. On Saturdays. Like
right before sunrise? There's no one ever there that early so it's a good time for it. So I'm walking and after a while I
think I hear something - you know behind me - but you know maybe it's the wind blowing the leaves around or maybe
it's even just me walking on the leaves. But it seems like it's getting closer, so I like bend down to tie my shoe and I
can definitely hear it - it's someone walking and I - you know - glance back and it's Calvin and suddenly I'm - scared -
and then I'm like - What? This isn't you. It's not possible to be scared of a guy who - yeah, you've never talked to
before but he's in your grade, you've seen him, you know him - you know of him, and like so what? He's walking,
you're walking, what's the big deal? But no matter how much I tell myself that everything's fine, the simple fact is that
I'm scared because a Black guy is walking behind me, which in that moment, meant that I was in danger. And so yes,
17 Fish this is me. So I stand up , turn around, and I give him a quick wave and say, "Hey," and then there's like a weird Male Any race but Black Joe Calarco Playscripts Comedy
pause but then he says, "Hey," but with a look in his eyes like, "What is this?" - which totally makes sense and I say,
"We don't know each other but we've been in school together since seventh grade, and I'm Kevin Fisher." And I hold
out my hand and he looks at it and then - he shook my hand. And we kept walking. Together. We didn't say anything.
We just walked. In total silence. And the thing is, the silence wasn't awkward. It was just like, "I'm totally comfortable
with neither one of us saying anything" silence. And when we got back to the parking lot, he said, "Thanks." And we
both got into our cars and drove away. Then the next Saturday we both showed up and walked again. But this time
we talked. And th enext week it was twice a week. And this week it was three times. He's just like a new person in my
life. And well - you know - at college? There're gonna be a lotta new people in our lives. So that's a thing you
probably need to practice, right?
Why? Why can't it just be, "Oh. Here's this thing - this thing that's maybe - new to me - I mean in terms of what I know
about Fish? Fish isn't only who I think he is. Fish is maybe - you know - different than who I think he is. Maybe Fish is
just - you know - a guy. Fish lip-syncs like I lip-sync and that's okay. Okay, fine - so what if it's only - what - 50 million
Americans who lip-sync. That's stil la lotta people, so you showing up and saying it's something that I should hide or
17 Fish Male Joe Calarco Playscripts Comedy
be ashamed of. "You really should be more careful." What? What did you mean? It's freeing, okay? Like having their
energy - their - their - whatever it is they have - living in side you, and that gives you something - something you
maybe didn't even know was possible - in terms of - of - of - feeling something you've never felt or - or dreaming
something you never thought you could dream. It's a thing.
Okay. Well. She came by work and she wa saying stuff and I was saying stuff but then my namager came out yelling
that I was taking too long of a break, and so I had to go but I realy didn't want to go but I had to go so we just - you
know - had to say goodbye and - well, it was sad - we were both really sad, but I swear I wasn't breaking up with her,
I wasn't, bu tit still felt like a breakup, know what I mean? And then after she left and I'm stocking the Chobani case, I
17 Robbie Male Joe Calarco Playscripts Comedy
think, "Wait, I think she was actually breaking up with me," and I know that I said we kinda sorta maybe broke up, but
really I think we did break up and that's what she came to do. Whatever the reason is - that's like hers right? And I
do'nt wanna be just guessing - or - or - trying to be in her head or - or - speaking for her. I mean it's her reason, so -
you should ask her. You should go to the party. I mean you're the closest to Sloane besides me. Seriously, I'm good.
See, see? This is why I can't talk to you guys about - Do you have any idea what it's like not having the luxury of
knowing that it'll all work out fine, espeically if it's about money? No, you don't, cuz you never have to worry about it.
You - you - you walk through life with a kind of - I don't know - you just seem so - and look I know that sutff happens -
like stuff you're all going through or will go through and those moments must be like, "This is it, this is the wost thing
that's ever gonna happen ever," and I see that, I do, but still - I'm jealous, okay, I am, cuz, Fish, God bless, but you
don't have to blink about applying to an Ivy League, and Donk, it's great about the Peace Corps, it is, and I hate that
is is true, but when you told me, the first thing I thought as, "It must be nice to be able to run off for two years to go
17 Robbie and try and save the world," and Scrum - you're not taking a year off because of money, you're doing it cuz you just Male Joe Calarco Playscripts Comedy
don't feel like going to college yet. And when I look at the three of you, and I feel bad about this, I do, but I look at you
and it's like you've got wings or you've got blades instead of feet, like moving through life without - you know - effort
cuz there's this cushion that's awlays going to be there to make things "just fine." But my feet? They feel like - It's like
my feet are stuck in concrete blocks or something and I try to - you know - just put my head down and, you know, just
do the work no matter what, but sometimes I look at what's ahead of me, and I see that I'm on like such a long
freakin' road and I'm just like, "How am I ever gonna do this, I don't wanna do this, I'm only seventeen, let me be
seventeen." and I know that was just a lot and I'm sorry but that's what I've been thinking.
We all got a lot going on. But when it's us - like - met-in-kindergarten us, just suck it up and commit to a getting
together with your buddies once a week type situation. This is a Robbie needs to talk get-together, not a we do this
cuz we wanna get together get-together. I know you talk to Robbie and Donk - different - than you talk to me, but I'm
uhhhh - I mean you're gonna go to your dream school, okay? I'm staying here - for now, and you're gonna - I don'
17 Scrum tknow - you'll come home your first summer and then - I just think that's gonna be it - like we'll both be gone after that Male Joe Calarco Playscripts Comedy
and have our lives, and I'm not sure we've said enough things - real things to each other to not just end up being That
Guy I Used to Know in High School. So maybe if we say things now - like the things real friends who might actually
stay friends after high school say to each other? Maybe in twenty years I won't just be like - someone you barely
remember.
Yeah, but we don't know what those things are. We can't guess cuz Papa Pete's not the same - won't ever be the
same, so Donk's gotta do all the stuff - shopping, cooking, cleaning - and his dad isn't like - his dad - not the dad he's
like only ever known, and that might last forever - so - No way he doesn't need to talk about all of that. Which is why I
17 Scrum was all like, "Hey, let's talk about this," way back. Show up once in a while. Friends show up for friends dude - so if Male Joe Calarco Playscripts Comedy
you're only gonna be here when you wanna be and then when you are here, you don't wanna talk about real stuff -
don't go at me like I'm doing something stupid when I'm actually trying to do something that - you know - actually
matters.
First of all, it was once, it wasn't mine, I didn't buy it, and I only used it that one time because when we were getting
ready to go on for the final concert and we were all crammed into that bathroom getting ready, Paula Middlebrook
from Skaneateles came up to me and told me how pretty my eyes looked and in that second a thousand questions I
always had got answered, an she took out some lip liner and she put it on me, and guess what? In that second I
wasn't thinkin gabout my lips or what was going on them cuz all I could think about were Paula Middlebrook's lips and
18 Caren how much I wanted to kiss them, so if I unknowingly wore lip liner that you don't approve of in a life-altering moment Female Joe Calarco Playscripts Comedy
of my life, I am sorry but - Nuh, uh, uh, cuz the fact that you've been holding onto this for a-a-a long time, after all that
we've been to each other since freshman year - me not knowing anybody and us connecting, like - immediately -
always seeing each other for who we are and being okay with each other for who we are. At least we have. But this?
tonight? I don't know this. Cuz all of a sudden I find ou tthat you've been seeing me in a way that is - is - is in no way
how I know myself to be.
I'd throw myself in front of a bus to date him, I would. Right, right, right, exactly, so last year - first day - I'm walking
down the hall and I hear, "Hey Dev," and I know it's him, and I'm like, I mean everyone likes him, he's a likeable guy,
so I turn around with a big "Hey, we're juniors" smile and - I was not prepared - I mean he got so beautiful and his
Non-Binary
body suddently got all - I screamed - like an AHHH! scream - fell back - turned and slammed into the vending
(he/they,
18 Devin machine - and I'm thinking, "Oh no, oh no, oh no, I think I lost a tooth," cuz it's just hanging in there aand of course Joe Calarco Playscripts Comedy
she/they, or
Kevin's all, "You okay?" and I just turn and smile, nodding my head but without opening my mouth cuz that would just
they/them)
be the end of the world so I'm just - (Plastering on a closed-mouth smile, nodding:) "MmHm, MmHmm, MmHmm."
And I'm swallowing blood, and he asks, "You want me to take you to the nurse?" and I start shaking my head no
really, really fast and the tooth just - (snaps their fingers.) And I swallowed it. Yup, this is a crown.
Lexi, I'm sorry. When Tana was talking earlier, I realized that I'm the one who can be really careless with my words.
I'm sorry I made fun of your faith and it's not the first time. In fact, I think I do it a lot. And the strange thing is that, to
be honest, I've always been kind of envious that you have that - faith in something beyond yourself. And also - I do
rememebr that day of ding-dong ditch - I do. Not us playing it or anything about Mrs. Hildebrand, but I do remember
afterward us sitting cross-legged facing each other on your front porch holding the Pop Rocks and Coke your brother
bought for us, and we kept warning each other to be really, really careful cuz if we swallowed the Pop Rocks with too
much Coke, our stomachs would explode and we'd die. And I got reallys cared and said I couldn't do it, but then you
18 Devin Nonbinary Joe Calarco Playscripts Comedy
kept saying that I could cuz I was brave, and finally I said okay, so we each ripped open our packet, poured them in
our mouths, and then took a quick, small sip of Coke, and I remember Pop Rocks shooting around my mouth and
they kinda hurt and kinda tickled and I wanted to spit them out but you just sat there staring at me with your cheeks
puffed out, so I just kept going cuz you kept going, but your face started to look funny and I realized I must look really
funny, too, and I couldn't hold it in anymore, and I just burst out laughing and you did, too, and we totally covered
each other in Coke and half-popped Pop Rocks and we laughed for like a half-hour and I felt braver. You made me
feel braver.
Well - I'm here. So that's something. But feeling? Well. So. Most of the time it kinda feels like - well - like it's the end
of the world? - Like every second is the last second that'll ever be - or at least that I want to be - Don't worry I'm
seeing a therapist, it's good, I'm good. I wasn't gonna come. I was thinking, "I can't do this, I do'nt wanna do this," but
the thing is, I was okay - I was okay with, "I don't wanna do this." But then it did feel like - what I had to dow - wanted
to do - even though I didn't want it to be the thing I watned to do cuz, well, I didn't want anything that might make me
happy to actually- make me happy? I just felt like I shouldn't be happy cuz - well - how could I possibly be happy ever
again. It just didn't seem right - to be happy, you know? And I'm gonna say this but I shouldn't say this but I'm just
gonna say this - I'm sora kinda relieved - that we didn't do the whole funeral parlor thing with everybody there - I
mean just the whole open-casket situation is just - I do'nt know - I just don't like it cuz when I was, I don't know,
eleven or twelve maybe, - wait ten - and Leo was, I don't know, only eight? My uncle died and I begged my dad when
we were walking in, I was all, "I do'nt wanna go up to the casket, I don't wanna see him, I do'nt wanna do that," and
he and mom were both, "You don't have to, you don't, we promise," but then when it was time to go to the cemetery
for the burial, this guy from the funeral home gets on the microphone and says - really seriously, like he's about to
announce the arrival of the presaident or something, "Delores Salamone, beloved wife of the deceased, Samuel
Salamone," and my Aunt Delores walks up to the casket and starts talking to my Uncle Sam's dead body - like full-on
out-loud talking - in front of everybody, and it's not just like, "I love you, I'll miss you, Sam," no, she like goes through
18 Gia Female Joe Calarco Playscripts Comedy
every vacation they ever took, and all of a sudden she starts wailing, "Maui, Maui, Maui," and throws herself over the
casket onto his body, screaming and crying, and so both my cousins go up and have to pry her hands off my uncle
and take her out to the limousine, and then the funeral home guy gets back on the mic, doesn't say a thing about
what just happened, blows into the mic and says sjust as big and important, "Francis Salamone, eldest son of the
deceased Samuel Salamone - and family." And family. And so my dad looks down at me, with this look of guilt on his
face, and then he looks at my mom, and they're like, "we can't get out of this," and so they both clutch each of us and
whisper, "Just close your eyes," but when we got up there, I don't know, I just felt like I had to peek. And there he
was, and I was like, "Wow, there's death, right there, right in front of me," and then we just went out to he car and sat
there while they went through the entire family, and it's a big family, so it was a long wait, but then our Great-Aunt
Josephine - she's a nun - came out of the funeral parlor and walked up to the car and put her face up to the window
and pressed her lips up against the glass and made these huge fart sounds and - we laughed, and we kept laughing,
and so then we were okay to go to the cemetery because she showed us that - well - it wasn't the end of the world.
So today when my therapist said, "Gia, one of the worst things that will ever happen to you in your lifetime has
ahppened to you. At eighteen years old." - Well - I really heard that, and that's when I remembered my Great-Aunt
Josephine doing the farting noises on the window, and I felt better - not better, better, but - better than I had? So, I
thought... (she blows a party horn.) And here I am.
It's really quiet. Isn't it really quiet? It's really quiet. Oh. Wow. Wait. What if it's the Rapture? You never know. Wait.
Oh my gosh. Do you think it's because I decided that maybe I was into Buddhism? And I was doing the chanting kind
cuz I knew I couldn't just be - silent - with my own thoughts. That just seemed like - impossible, so I tried the chanting
kind, and it's only one phrase but you have to repeat it over and over and it was just really hard - you know - to do
that, and it was like sometimes I couldn't breathe or other times it was like I was outside of myself hearing me say
18 Lexi Female Joe Calarco Playscripts Comedy
these words over and over that suddently sounded like - I don't know - and I was like, "Wow, am I speaking in
tongues?" Bu then, of course, I wasn't - you know - speaking in tongues but it just felt - like I was a little crazy, and I
mean it's Buddhism, I shouldn't feel crazy, right? So then it just seemed like something I had to figure out. But then I
was just - I don't know - not in the mood? So I went back to church. I don't know, doesn't it feel like we're the only two
people left and everyone else is just - gone?
I'm fine - really, really - let's be - let's be fine - let's all choose to be fine, okay? No, no, better than fine - let's be good
- No wait - let's choose happiness, can we do that? I'd like that - if we could - I'd like to be happy - right now cuz - well
- Okay. So. Robbie's not coming. It's just - We just - I mean sometimes you just have to make the decision - I mean
really make it, so yes, it happened, and I know you want to know the details but I'm just - not in the mood - to explain
it all. I don't want anything to be really wrong right now and actually I'm not sure anything is wrong - I mean everything
could be really right - I mean the way things should be, so - Wow. Weird. It's just that - Okay so everyone says,
18 Sloane Female Joe Calarco Playscripts Comedy
"Dream, you have to dream," so you do and you have these big gdreams, but then one day you realize, "Wait, I'm
only eighteen, do my dreams right now matter if my brain isn't fully formed yet?" I mean how can we even know what
we want or- or - or what we need or - or -or who we love if our brains aren't fully formed until we're twenty-five? I
mean that's seven ymore years of my dreams fully forming, and they'll be bigger then, right? - my dreams - it's just a
fact that my dreams right now aren't - big - enough to- to- to- to contain all that's possible - in me. And. Well. I can't
decide if that's really exciting or really terrifying.
"Pardon." Educated white boy coming down here to take care of those of us who were lucky enough to live. You can't
understand how I feel, or how I live, or what I've been through. There was a party. My brother was having a hurricane
party. We'd been through storms before. My parents had been through a lot of 'em. And there were warnings, yeah,
but nobody was coming to take us out. They just told us we had to go but... How were we gonna pay for six of us to
travel and then get hotel rooms? So we had to stay, really. What else were we gonna do? That night my older sister
wasn't answering her phone, so my parents went over to her house to get her and my niece and bring 'em back to our
place so they'd be safe. They never came back. I've been looking, but I don't know where they're at... And back at the
house – the water just came. So fast. And my brother and all his friends had been partying and drinking and they Concord
Aftershock Ayana Female African American Joe Calarco Drama Ayana is a survivor of Hurricane Katrina.
were laughing at first, playing in it, but the water just kept rising, and I was screaming for all of them to get upstairs. I Theatricals, Inc
was at the top of the stairs just trying to pull my brother with me but then there was just this surge of water and it
pulled him from me, and – I just had to keep going. I tried. I did. I kept trying to grab his hand, but the water kept
getting higher and higher, so I – I had to save myself. I climbed out the top window onto the roof. It was so dark.
Couldn't see a thing. But I could hear – the screaming – all of them screaming from underneath the water. But I
couldn't do nothing. I couldn't help any of 'em. So I just sat there, covering my ears and shutting my eyes. Not
moving. Just waiting. Not sleeping. Just waiting. Waiting for the light. God's light. 'cause I knew I was gonna die. And
the light did come, just not the kind I was expecting.
I wasn't alone. Where is my sister? Where is Makemba? We were playing hide and seek. I always asked Makemba.
Everyday I would beg, "Can't we sneak away just for an hour?" I was so tired of chores. "Our brother can do the
chores all by himself. He is the oldest. Let's go play." She always said, "No." She said yes. "Hide and seek," I said. "I
want to play hide and seek." We were running and hiding. I couldn't find her. There was a very loud sound. The birds
screamed and flew away. Thy flew away so fast. It came from the village. They were gunshots. So many, gunshots.
We ran back toward the village. There were soldiers. Our home was on fire. Our brother was dead on the ground.
Soldiers surrounded our mother. Then they were on top of her, one after another. They had a gun to our father's head
and made him watch. Makemba grabbed my face and said, "No matter what happens, you don't move. Do not move.
Concord
Aftershock Negie You stay here. You hide. Do you hear me? You hide. No matter what happens." And Makemba ran out to try to save Female Black (Congolese) Joe Calarco Drama
Theatricals, Inc
my mother from what was happening to her. My father screamed, "Makemba, no!" Somehow he freed himself for a
moment and ran toward her, and there was a machete... and blood... and my father was – he – ... My mother was still
on the ground splattered with my father's blood, her head turned toward me. Silent. She was alive but not alive as
soldier after soldier... Only when they grabbed Makemba and laid her down between my mother and our father's
headless body, and the soldiers started on my sister, only then did my mother scream. It rattled the trees and the
ground and the sky. I hid just as my sister made me promise. I held my hands over my ears to try and block out my
sister's and my mother's screams. It went on for hours. Then I heard two more gunshots. Their screams stopped. I
did not move. I just hid. I did not move.
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
I can live on only bread! I can live on rotting, molding bread that has bugs burrowing through it. I can live on half-
eaten bread that has bloody saliva on it from the dead person lying in the bunk next to me whose fist I pried it from.
Take the soup away and bring me a bowl of dirty water. They gave us that and called it soup. Don't feed me at all. I'll Concord
Aftershock Ruth Female Joe Calarco Drama Ruth is a Holocaust survivor.
go outside and survive on snow like I did when they stopped feeding us all together. Take back your room. I've slept Theatricals, Inc
on splintered wood with just a paper-thin blanket crawling with lice to shield me from the cold. Take that away from
me, and I'll still survive. I don't need it. And I don't need you.
Those are not tears. It was raining and I was mad 'cause it was July, and like, why did it have to rain in July? I wanted
to go to the beach, and Mom and Dad said we had to wait to go to the beach because we had to take you to the
airport, and I was like, "Can't he go to the airport by himself 'cause I want to go to the beach," but they said you were
going far away and that there were little kids like me there who needed you, and it was really sunny all morning but
Concord
Aftershock Ruthie we couldn't go to the beach because of you. They kept saying, "We'll go after we take your brother to the airport," and Female Joe Calarco Drama
Theatricals, Inc
then as soon as we got there to drop you off, it started to rain, and I knew we wouldn't get to go to the beach at all
that day, and I was really pissed at you just like I am now, so those were not tears, those were raindrops. I wasn't
sad. I wasn't sad when you went away, and I'm not sad now. In fact you going away would make me really, really
happy. So please just do it. Get out of my room. I don't want you here. You are annoying.
I don't remember them! How can I be thankful for something I can't remember? You shouldn't have let them send me
away, and when they did, you should have followed. "Whither thou goest I will go. Your people shall be my people." I
had no people here. I tried to hold on to something – to some memory – of Mama with her head covered lighting
candles, I think, and of Papa with that funny little cap on his head, but they faded. I can't remember their faces. I had Concord
Aftershock Sarah Female Joe Calarco Drama
to become someone else just to feel like anybody at all. I don't remember anything. See this? Father Timothy gave it Theatricals
to me as a little girl, the first night I came here. I had nothing. But Father Timothy gave this photograph to me, and he
told me this was you and this was me and there were Mama and Papa. Those aren't any of us of course. But he gave
it to me and told me it was my family, so I decided to believe.
For pity's sake why the hell do I pay you? I told you never, never...! If you're not up to the damn task... We had better
be full. Over thirty years, Terrence... Can you imagine that? I am always alone. I've been lying in that godless bed for
ten days. You fed me, washed me, clothed me, you've assisted me enough. This is what I do and I always do it
Red Velvet Ira Male Black (American) Lolita Chakrabarti Concord 1 Drama Black male, 60, American, a leading actor. Grand, impatient, ferocious, and unwell.
alone, do you understand? It gets forgotten in the detail. You set up and clean up but the meat of the thing is only
ever me. Is that clear? This theatre is heaving because I am here. I - Am - Here. It is reputation that endures.
Geography is irrelevant. Do you hear me?
No, no, no, no, no. Let's put this cart back where she belongs. You exist because I do. Without me you'd be even less
than you already are. You think I slog my whole life to lay myself out for you to pick your way through the irrelevent
Red Velvet Ira Male Black (American) Lolita Chakrabarti Concord 1 Drama Black male, 60, American, a leading actor. Grand, impatient, ferocious, and unwell.
detail? You are artless, charmless, inept, and disrespectful. A skirt and a face and nothing between. What have you
done? What have you achieved? Get out!
We are Great Britain. Cheap labour is part of every great country. It's how things are done. Oh for goodness sake,
the world's not fair Henry. This isn't a fairy tale where everything comes up right in the end. This concept of equality
Red Velvet Bernard and freedom, it's a fad, impossible to achieve because there'll always be those of us who must lead and those who Male White (English) Lolita Chakrabarti Concord 2 Drama White male, 50s, English, actor. Old school, a bit lazy, opinionated and insecure.
follow. It is the very root of a civilized society. Now if you don't mind I'd rather focuse on the problem at hand. Where
on earth is Pierre? He did say two o'clock, didn't he? Well a later call would've been nice.
Acting is an art. Transformation is an art. My father, a small... physically ... challenged ageing man, to see him
become a warrior Moor... is an art, isn't it? ... people come to the theatre to get away from reality. And... what I mean
to say is... it's a sad fact... and I'm sorry to say it... but it's true I'm afraid... that... his... well... he will prevent them from
escaping reality... Oh don't make this a crusade for every fringe cause. You know what I mean... English theatre is
top of the tree because within one artist, male or female, there is everything. It's a craft. We are colourless canvasses
on which to paint. See what you've done? Opened a door that needs to be bolted shut. I'm merely saying that if you
give people an option to contribute, often the wider picture gets lost and they come up with endless wandering points White male, 30s, English, actor (son of Edmund Kean). Grand but without the talent to support it.
Red Velvet Charles Male White (English) Lolita Chakrabarti Concord 2 Drama
of view. For goodness sake, I'm talking about the future. The policies on which we build our profession. If we bring Suffers from being Edmund's son.
Jews to play Shylock, blacks to play the moor, half wits to play Caliban we decimate ourselves in the name of what?
Fashion? Politics? Then any drunken fool on the street will play Falstaff. You will only be allowed to play what you are
- too old for Juliet, too bland for the Queen! I see he's your ... friend now. But honestly, what happens to him after he
plays every slave and moor in the canon? Have you thought of that? If we encourage him... It's our responsibility to
build our theatre to reflect our people. Good theatre leaves residue that travels with you. A lingering odor that mustn't
be one of disgust.
We've just escaped the storm, I feared I might never see you again. So this greeting is... intense. And this is the only
point in the whole play we speak our love directly to each other an din blank verse. So the perfume of the moment
must, how can I say it, envelop us. I'm seeing how beautiful you are, how you've trapped me entirely. I'm imagining
Red Velvet Ira our marital bed... A newly wed soldier would savour this new... contrast in his life. Don't you think? And you? Would Male Black (American) Lolita Chakrabarti Concord 2 Drama Black male, 26, American, actor. Ambitious, keen, passionate and optimistic
your sheltered woman also be thinking of her... new found passion? It's all in the play. Shall we try that agian? And
when you say, 'My dear Othello', would you look at me? If the passion isn't simmering between us, they'll feel nothing
at all
Absolutment. I am serious. What made you act Charles? What made you enter the profession? It's about all of us.
About survival. Progress. We are riding a dead horse. Can you not feel it? We sit through lifeless plays that say
Red Velvet Pierre Male White (French) Lolita Chakrabarti Concord 2 Drama White male, mid 30s, French, manager of the theatre. Gay, revolutionary, entrepreneurial.
nothing about who we are. Theatre is a political act, a debate of our times. This is our responsibility, n'est-ce pas? We
have to confront life, out there, on our stage, in here. Make it live.
I finally did it. Said I'd pay his passage. That he should come... see that I'm here. Ten years Pierre, ten years without
one word and here I am, finally, with something to say... He tol' me that 'actin' was 'gainst nature, not true work for a
man o'god.'... You wanna know what he really does for a livin' when he's not preachin'? He sells straw. In a horse and
cart he has to rent for the privilege, up and down, up and down callin' 'straw!' Can you imagine...? And my Mama, god
rest her weary soul, scrubbed floors. You got a floor Pierre, my mama would've buff it up fine. Look, you and I, we
don't have the ease of following in footsteps. We stand apart I see that. It's a , a lonely path and putting your head
above the parapet is a, it's a corageous thing... When I was a boy, there was this man, William Brown, he had no one
to follow either. Spent his life savings on a house, rundown, basic, but he had such passion he turned that house into
a theatre. He would serve cake and punch in the back yard in the interval. His friend, Jimmy Hewlett, was an actor -
untrained, unpolished, worked as a tailor uptown in the day but was burnin' up with talent. They dared too Pierre. You
see Jimmy was cuttin' an' stitchin' in the day, Mr Brown did odd jobs, I was at school but evenings we rehearsed and
Red Velvet Ira Male Black (American) Lolita Chakrabarti Concord 6 Drama Black male, 26, American, actor. Ambitious, keen, passionate and optimistic
played Romeo and Juliet, Richard III, Henry V. I was fourteen. We were rough but we had passion... and we became
real popular. Powers that be didn't like it though and one night while we playin' in our tumbledown theatre and our
homemade costumes, they set fire to that house. It burned like paper. The drier the wood, the quicker it burns. The
noise was deafenin' - screams, the flams catchin' further, shoutin'. Couldn't see my way out, couldn't breathe and just
when I thought I was done, Mr. Brown grabbed my hand, pulled me up from the floor and dragged me out into the
open air and look what he did. We just in the fire Pierre... I've given everything to be here. I have pushed and forced
and played my way in. Don't you find it edifyin' Pierre that no one bats an eye when grandma plays Juliet and that we
all applaud the East End drunk as the warrior Moor? So when Kean plays the moor, we're amazed at how skilfully he
descends into this base African tragedy but with me it seems I'm revealin' my true nature. And the most illuminatin'
thing for me, is that you're standin' on the other side. The raidcal red cap son of the revolution hand in hand with the
blue blood brigade. Damn you! Don't embarass yo'self.
There is nothing I can do. You never listen... You push and you push but... you don't hear. Just yourself. Only ever
yourself. I... you exploit yourself for all it's worth but when someone else dares to speak what they see, you refuse to
acknowledge it. You think that work is your right. But everyone works hard, every damn one of us. Ambition drives us
all and you have to prove your place like the rest of us. I've worked twice as hard because of what? - gossip,
accusations and now, Iv'e earned my place. It's taken me years to get here. I won this role and then I invited you in. I
took the gamble and all I asked was that you play it carefully, tone it down, toe the line for once. You never listen.
Red Velvet Pierre How many times...? This is not some huge political statement... you're not that important. This is about you. You have Male White (French) Lolita Chakrabarti Concord 6 Drama White male, mid 30s, French, manager of the theatre. Gay, revolutionary, entrepreneurial.
no one to blame but yourself Ira. You've put me in an impossible position. The bard, these are important men, they
were outraged, indignant - the heat of your anger, your lack of respect... I am the first manager in the history of this
theatre to go dark. I have done my very best. I even defended you, told them your influences have been different.
Acting is about the freedom to play, I said, passion is felt and followed and our life experiences make each performer
unique. I told them in the heat of the moment you lost yourself in the play, your true nature surfaced and you
descended into... Look at yourself. This is who you really are...
You... you get carried away... you get that look in your eye and there's no reaching you... I said... I said yesterday,
moderate... you were too... You and I, we applaud La Passion on the stage. It calls us. We chase it. Do you
remember Lemaitre? An inspiration. One of our greatest actors. I saw him in Paris - the physicality, the rawness of
the man. I was mesmerized, transfixed. I held my breath so I didn't miss a word, like finding gold and suddenly, just
Red Velvet Pierre like that, release... And when I saw you that's exactly what I felt - exactly. But... within La Passion there must be... Male White (French) Lolita Chakrabarti Concord 6 Drama White male, mid 30s, French, manager of the theatre. Gay, revolutionary, entrepreneurial.
how you say... restraint, non?... it's been très difficile but I am the manger and management is, in the end, about...
about clear instruction. And I see that... I made a... a mistake. Maybe we jumped in too soon, maybe it's my fault you
didn't hear me, perhaps I was unclear, but... I want you to know... we will move forward from this. You and I, we will...
plan another... It's all about the gamble, n'est-ce pas? We played our hand, this time we lose, next time we...
Mr Aldridge? ... Mr...? I wanted to... Are you alright sir...? Will I call someone...? I came to... to apologise... I was too...
strong... I am really very sorry... I... I... I'm not senior reporter. I lie... Are you going to complain? I total understand
that you would but... if there's any way... this job is... no one takes me seriously and I'm really very serious... I need to
get... promote and I try hard but it makes no change. Michael Ostrowski, he's two years younger, he gets great
stories. I want to go forward, you know how I mean? Is all men, the whole office. I am only woman you see. So
everything I do is... is... Visible, yes. There's only one, how you call... water klosette... in the ofice right? And that's
become huge trouble. I almost cause walk out strike. There are meetings, voting, new written rules. It was like awful.
Now I have to ask one of them to check klosette and he puts a... er.. a sign on the door when I'm in there. They all
complaining. I say they should ring bell so whole district know my business. Sorry, it makes me... so... because... well
I do'nt mean to be boasting but... I'm so competent. I am. I speak German, Russian, Polish, English. My father says
patience and he should know, he's not well. He worked for Mr Scheibler, your friend. A good man I think but
Red Velvet Halina Female Polish Lolita Chakrabarti Concord 7 Drama White female, 20s. Polish journalist. Bright, ambitious, frustrated with her life.
American fighting, everybody wanting cotton, so father worked too much, and dust from the cotton... he can't breath
good now, can't go out so... he knows patience believe me... we live near station and sometimes when trains come
in, I wait for whistle and scream so loud. No one hears me. I sound crazy? Anyway I'm sorry. Father says I talk too
much that I should get to a point because after all that's reason for talking. When they said you were coming, there
was such excitement... father... he talk of your performance like it's yesterday... but it's nine years past! This is page
two maybe even page one! ... No one could place interview with you so I lie, said father knew you and the boss, he
said yes... I did total homework, read all articles, memoirs. I was too prepared really but... if I am not practising how
will I learn? When you cancel... it's my only chance... so I made a friend of Casimir... the stagehand... I promised...
a... a date if I see your room. I lie to get in here. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean... Really. I embarass myself and forgot
manners... please don't think me bad... I'll lose my job. Please... don't make complaint. I need to buy medicine. If I
lose... my father he... I can't afford to... I'm sorry. Really sorry.
I know how many stars are in the sky each night. I know how much it will cost to build a tower three times this size,
how many men to hire, the angles of the cuts and the number of mallet swings. But I didn't know my own son's heart
was going to break. I have spent your life trying to prevent that. I've failed. When I gave Ariadne that twine, my goal
was to right a wrong I created when I designed the Labyrinth. I designed the Labyrinth to right a wrong I did when I
helped Pasiphae. I helped Pasiphae because I became a servant to Minos. All of those things happened ... all of the
Icarus Daedalus Male Ancient Greek Jessica Chipman Eldridge Plays Drama
events of our lives ... because of something horrible I did years ago, something for which I am still trying to make
amends. My mistakes have haunted me since the day I stepped foot in Crete. I see you. Son, I see you and I always
have. When you were young, you once told me I was the best father in the world, and I have never stopped trying to
be that father to you. So, I've been trying to amend for all my mistakes, and I've buried myself in my work in order to
make those amends. Because I know you're watching, I want to be a good man. Like my son.
Older generations believed the stars, not us, held our fortunes. When I was your age I made a mistake that changed
my life forever. But had I never made that mistake, I never would have become your father. Being your dad has been
Icarus Daedalus Male Ancient Greek Jessica Chipman Eldridge Plays Drama
the greatest joy of my life. The stars will bring your fortune, son, and my life is proof we never know what’s next.
Whatever choice you make is the right choice. You can do anything.
Can't go to Granny's. He won't let me ... Wasn't gonna be afraid ... Uncle Frank. Uncle Frank! I hid under the bed ...
Mama screamed "No" but Daddy dragged me from under the bed and out to the sycamore tree. He made me look.
Said, "Boy, got to know, or he'll end up just like his uncle Frank!" He was burnt up, swinging in the sycamore tree,
meat fallin' off and skin smokin' ... He keeps coming back ... Daddy wouldn't listen, nobody would ... so he keeps
Dramatic
North Star Willie coming back to me. They kept hitting me and hitting me, I thought I would die like Uncle Frank. I peed on myself I Male African American Gloria Bond Clunie 1 9 Drama Willie is 12 years old.
Publishing
was so scared. It's not drunk scared, like Daddy, I'm scared 'cause I wanted to kill 'em. I wanted to kill 'em dead!
Every time they hit me, I wanted them to die. If I had the strength ... I would have killed them. If I had an axe or a gun
or ... I would have killed them all! God help me ... I would have killed them. For me and for Uncle Frank, too. And it
hurts so much to hate this way. It hurts ... and I'm so scared.
Now, people, let me just lay it on the line like laundry in the breeze! See those doors back there? They closed for a
reason. And before it's all over, our mouths need to be as closed as those doors. So, if there are any questions,
discussions, or objections, bring it forth tonight! Open up, speak out and air your grievances now, behind the closed
doors of the Lord, because when we pass through later on tonight, we got to walk as a united front. Do I hear
anybody? Sure? Good! Just so we are clear ... Gonna break it down for you one more time. Now I'm not talking about
anybody special ... But don't want any loose-lipped Uncle Toms tellin' massa what we doin' down in the slave
quarters. I tell you like Harriet Tubman told her passengers; she raised that shotgun of hers when they got scared, or Dramatic
North Star Hawkins Male African American Gloria Bond Clunie 2 2 Drama
wanted to run back, or didn't know what to do ... She said, "Dead folks can't jaybird talk ... you keep on going now or Publishing
die!" We can't have no jaybirds singing like a canary, killing our movement ... So if you are Polly parrot, better fly the
coop now! In other words, we have agreed ... That's it! Can't have no backbiting ... No backsliding, no contrary
walking or two-faced talking! We have agreed ... Get it clear and straight, or it's got to wait ... till we're back together
behind the closed doors of the Lord's house. We have agreed ... After you leave this place, you can take it to the Lord
in prayer ... but just make sure He's the only one there! Keep your ears open all you want, especially at your place of
work ... but ... Stand together and KEEP OUR MOUTHS SHUT!
No, you listen! Do you realize how much time we spend talking about ... thinking about ... dreaming about ... race! Not
about culture, or our history ... but race! We sit down at the table for a meal, go for a drive in the country, have people
over for cards ... before the evening is over, it's "what da white folks done done now" ... or "what black folks ought to
do ..." It sucks up so much of us ... so much of you, there's not much left for me anymore. There must be a point Dramatic
North Star Kate Female African American Gloria Bond Clunie 2 8 Drama
when we finally arrive, when we get there! Someday we have got to be free or I'll go crazy! There's got to be a day Publishing
when I can sit in a garden by my child or even my grandchildren and touch their hair and smile and breathe deep,
and there is nobody standing on my chest, either! That's what I'm working for. Getting there so we can get on with
life. God, I keep dreaming, we may be the first generation in this country to do that! To get on with life!
Sacrifice her to what? We're sacrificing her now ... to lies ... Trying to protect her with lies that everything's all right. In
one breath we tell her she's as good as everybody and in the next breath we tell her she has to be twice as good to
make it. But we both know that one day, all those lies and that intricate tunnel we build to get through one more day,
one more week, one more year, one more lifetime ... at one point or another, that tunnel will collapse in on us, bury
Dramatic
North Star Manson us! Crush us. Crush us here! Could anything worse happen out there? Even if they killed her, she would at least die Male African American Gloria Bond Clunie 2 8 Drama
Publishing
in the truth. I don't want my daughter pretending to be a cleaning woman just to sit in a damn library! Sweetheart, I
want you to have your time in the garden, and someday I want to stand all night, all night and just watch the stars
without having to run to a meeting. But life just isn't like that now, baby. Give the girl credit, Kate; and give her her
due.
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
I'm not taking sides, Kass! I don't even know what's goin' on! But... but, she's my sister. She's all I got. It wasn't just
losin' Mom n' Dad, Kass. It's... it's... ya know, when they went missin'... it broke her. And then, when they... when they
found Momma like that... It's a lot to think about. Josephine has just struggled so much since then. No momma. And
them never findin' Dad's body. I... I try and raise her the best I can and– Who else is gonna? She won't go to school
Rue Don no more. You don't know the half of what she went through at that school when all this happened. People are cruel... Male Mandy Conner Playscripts Drama
just ugly in their souls. You're a town girl... they don't look at you like they look at us... swamp trash. I know it ain't
true! But it's different for Jo. She's lost. Thinks she's gonna find all the answers to Momma and Daddy... and what
happened... somewhere in this swamp. It's like it's sucking her in and pulling her further and further down int th'
darkness. Like it did t' Momma. And if she doesn't get out... I can't... I can't lose her, Kass.
He ain't never gonna show it. Not gonna give that woman the satisfaction. She walked out on us. Said she was too
good for this nasty little ole town. And Flora. Ugh. My sister thinks she owns th' place... tellin' me what t' do and how
t'do it. She ain't my momma. And... and... I'm sorry 'bout the way she treated you. People are just dumb sometimes.
Rue Kassie Female Mandy Conner Playscripts Drama
No home trainin', I guess. You just gotta focus on the ones that love ya! Look, I know it's been hard... I know it's hard
not knowing 'bout your parents... what really happened. But, somebody's gotta know somethin', right? Why don't you
go ask that ole swamp witch about yer momma and daddy?
Uh-uh. Don't do that. You're not stupid and you know it. Ya gotta stop talkin' like that, Jo. You are so much more than
th' bad things that hppened to ya. You refuse to go one step outside this sweaty, dark, depressing swamp. You really
think your momma and daddy woulda wanted ya to stay here? ...you know they didn't want that. Ha... okay... I think...
Rue Kassie Female Mandy Conner Playscripts Drama
I'm just... I'm just gonna go. You'e stuck, ya know? Here in this... swamp... and in... in your head... and ... and ... and
in th' past. I'm just tryin' t' help ya and you just keep pushing me away. You're not the only one who's gone through
tough stuff, Jo. Maybe you should go see Miz Creesha. Cuz you sure ain't listening t' me.
Lil girl, don't open that mouth a' yers again until I tells ya. Got it? "We know what we are, but not what we may be."
Do ya know what you are, girl? Cuz ya gotta know who you are before you can even start to know what you might be.
Ya see, knowin' one's self is an unattainable goal. I mean, we's can start to understand the monstas within us and we
can learn ourselves how t' keep 'em calm or we's can give in t' those monstas and get all sideways and crossways
Rue Miz Creesha from where we's supposta be. Now, lil girl, I watchu t' lissen an' lissen good. You gots t' find out some thin's on yer Female Mandy Conner Playscripts Drama Swamp witch
own. Ain't no potions or voodoo or no magic gonna help you with whatchu strugglin' with. Whatchu need t' know 'bout
yer momma and yer daddy's waitin' out there in this swamp... in th' deep, dark places yer scared t' go. Now, I'm
gonna snap you outta this and you gonna run on outta here an' think 'bout what you need t' think 'bout. An' when you
think you know, yous come on back here for this book. Gone one. Scat, ya little swamp tail. Ha ha ha.
It's dull. Real dull. But I'm not complaining. I'm not. If this is the way it has to be then this is what it has to be. I
understand all that. I could never make anything work with the ups and downs anyway. So why not try dull? Maybe
dull is the answer. Except that the truth is, you see, it's going in the same direction. It's just, when it's this dull, it's a
little hard to see that it's going in any direction, but all this understanding, this is not going to last. A couple of words
here, a couple of words there, a couple of looks, a couple of wrong moves and all of a sudden nobody understands
anything anymore and you spend all your time trying to explain what you meant and what you thought she meant and
Concord
Breaking Up Steve what you thought she thought you meant... It has to happen. The honeymoon is over. And then you break up and you Male Michael Cristofer Comedy
Theatricals, Inc.
go find somebody else and you start all over again. I can't do it. I did it with you. I can't do it again with somebody
else. It could take years. All that time to get someplace with her that I'm already at with you. And then it hit me. We
can't quit. You and me. We have something now. We can't throw it away. It's a failure, okay, but it's ours. And it's not
the end. That's too easy. It's the place to start from. It's two, two and a half years of our lives. It's an investment. All
that pain to get to zero; well, we're here now, we've got nothing, nothing works, we're finished, total, complete,
everything we had is gone, not a hope, not a prayer, not a chance.... This is it. I think we should get married.
I'ma tell you what I'm about to tell all these visitors when the doors open: Don't forget what's around you. Everyone
wants to see dolphins. Everyone wants to get tropical and let their kids talk to Nemo. And that's fine. But start where
Dontrell, Who you at. The Blue Crab. The Diamondback Terrapin. The Striped Burrfish. Prepare to be Amazed by what's already Concord
Shea Female Black Nathan Alan Davis 3 Drama Character description: SHEA - (Female, Black, thirties) Dontrell's cousin on his father's side.
Kissed the Sea around you. Love what's around you. There's no place like home. Do you even know how true that is? Look, I'm not Theatricals, Inc.
gonna talk you thorugh things anymore. I'm not gonna walk you through scenarios, I'm not gonna interpret dreams.
Be your own soothsayer. Or find a professional. If I can help you in a more pratcial way, let me know.
How can you not worry yourself sick over your children? How? He's a good kid. Smart. Got himself on full
scholarship, can you believe it? When things are going this well, Shea, cue the bad shit. Am I right? Ain't that life?
Winter then Spring. Summer then Fall. Ain't it? The men on your side of the family, Shea. Can only hold it together so
Dontrell, Who Concord
Mom much. Prone to sabatoge themselves. And he startin'. You don't think I know it when I see it? Been prayin' since June Female Black Nathan Alan Davis 6 Drama Character description: MOM (SOPHIA JONES) - (Female, Black, forties) Dontrell's mother.
Kissed the Sea Theatricals, Inc.
for school to start. My one prayer: Just get him there. Get him started, let him find a spark, let him find a major, let him
find a nice little college girlfriend, somethin'. And he'll be on his way. Three weeks left and still I'm beggin'. Just get
him there. But why do I feel like I'm prayin' for the sun not to set?
You know how stressful it is to work for the public? No no no, because see people like the aquarium. Okay? At least
you dealin' with people who are somewhere they wanna be. People who are there by preference - don't ask me why
'cause most of them fishes ugly that's why God put them way down there outa sight, but hey, that's they cupatea. You
servin' people they cupatea you way ahead of the game alrready I don't feel sorry for you. I got people crying, I'm
Dontrell, Who sayin' flat out crying to me like children, every day "I just want the boot removed from my car and no one will help Concord
Mom Female Black Nathan Alan Davis 6 Drama Character description: MOM (SOPHIA JONES) - (Female, Black, forties) Dontrell's mother.
Kissed the Sea me!!" Well guess what, I can't help you that's not my department. Every day. Crying. Yelling. And I come home, Shea, Theatricals, Inc.
and I got a house to keep, got schedules to coordinate, got bills I can't even look at let alone pay, got A HUSBAND
WHO WANTS TO TELL ME HE'S PLANNING TO RETIRE!! ... And I come home and I have maybe an hour, Shea.
Maybe an hour that I can unwind. At the most. And I PAY for my cable, okay? And I gotta spend my hour watching
that mess? That should be a punishable crime I'm more stressed out now than when I sat down, what good is that?
I've had this dream... And I've had this thought... Powerful dream. About a slave ship... I saw this one man in
particular, that looks like my father... It was like he was... He got away. Kind of. And he threw himself into the ocean.
But his child made it over here. And so he lived on. In a way. He's my ancestor. Direct line type of thing. And I've felt
this urge to go out, go out to the ocean and just... go see him, I guess. And I'm kinda worried 'cause I got this text
from my sister sayin' I need to come home tomorrow afternoon for like a family... thing... and I think maybe my cousin
said something to my mom, and basically I just... you know I don't know if they're gonna believe me when I tell 'em.
Dontrell, Who Especially mdad. He might think I'm losin' it or somethin'. Which maybe I am... but then also a lot of things are Concord Character description: DONTRELL JONES III - (Female, Black, eighteen) Heir to a haunting and
Dontrell Male Black Nathan Alan Davis 7 Drama
Kissed the Sea starting to make sense the more that I think about 'em. Like he wouldn't teach my sister and me to swim and whenver Theatricals, Inc. powerful legacy
we asked him he always said he didn't know how... but he was in the Navy for seven years? And I think there's some
things that have been hidden from me. But even if they stay hidden, they're operational. And even if I don't know why
I have to do certain things... I can't not do them. You know, you can take away all the reasons but you still have the
causes. And this is really something I'm s'pose to do. Not just for me. Or for my family even. But as my contribution.
To civilization. That's what my captain's log is for, too. My tape. So there's a record. I didn't ask for none of this. But
there it is. That's why I'm tryna learn to swim. That's why I was at the pool. That's why I met you.
Let's have a sleepover, okay? We'll build a fort, then have cake. Here, help me with this. Okay: Spotlight. You ready?
It's, Okay, I'll go first. (Handing DONTRELL the flashlight.) Here, you hold this. So you're gonna shine this flashlight
on my face. That's the spotlight. And the way it works is, it's a trust game. It's kind of like a psycho-emotional version
of hot yoga - in that it could be potentially damaging. But it's a trust game, so danger is necessary. So basically, you
shine the spotlight on my face and I have to tell you a secret. And as long as you keep the spotlight on, I have to
keep talking. And I can't just talk. I have to talk forreal. Like tell you more and more of my secret until you decide to let
me stop. And then I do the same thing to you. Oh. And it has to be not just like, information, but a secret. Something
that you kinda don't want to talk about. 'Cause that's the whole point. Okay. Okay. Okay go ahead whenever.
(DONTRELL shines the flashlight in ERIKA's face.) Okay okay ohmyGodohmyGod, okay, Oh my God I can't yes I
can okay. I've seriously never said this out loud before. Okay my dad is my uncle. I know, it's seriously f*'d up, so f*'d
up, God. God, okay, so my mom cheated on my dad with his brother. And it's this huge family secret and I didn't find
out until a year ago and it completely destroyed me, and the thing is that I didn't even know he existed until I was like
Dontrell, Who Concord
Erika twelve. Nobody told me he existed until I found some old picture in the basement. "Who's that, Mom?" "That's your Female White Nathan Alan Davis 7 Drama Character description: ERIKA - (Female, White, twenty-one) A lifeguard and Dontrell's soul mate.
Kissed the Sea Theatricals, Inc.
father's borther." "Oh." So, yeah. Eight years later, he's my dad. And my uncle. I call him my duncle. Just to myself, in
my head. I've never met him face to face ... don't take the light away. Now that it's out he calls a lot to check up on
me. Which feels nice but also sometimes really weird. Really weird. And I told him I was planning to move ou to fmy
parents' place and he just bought me this condo. He put it in my mname and everything. My mom didn't want me to
move out but there was just... no way. So what I do is I think about her in the morning. When I'm getting ready for the
day. I use her old makeup case which I stole from her which was actually my grandma's and she's a can of worms
that I couldn't even begin to open if I tried, so I don't, and... Lifeguarding is the one thing that's kept me going. The
hope that one day may be I would save someone's life and maybe when I did they would also breathe new life into
me. And I didn't literally breathe you back to life, but I still feel kind of like I did, and I'm starting to learn that things
mean different things than you think and when the things that you hope are going to happen do happen they happen
in different ways than you think they will and I'm just... really happy right now. I feel really really good. Thank you. ...
I'm good. ... Thank you.
Right or not right, it's time you learned what a bitch is, boy. You listenin' to me? Bitches is Warrior-Women, but we
don't know how to call 'em that, and we ain't got no other word for 'em, and yeah, as things are, some of 'em bite. Be
a man, slap on a band-aid, and learn to turn the page. And make no mistake. Your mother is on your front line, D.
Don't know where you are, but she there. She been there. Takin' bullets for you left and right. Bullets you will never
know about. Never. ... Mothers are always on guard. You might think you are the protector, might even decide to
pack heat, might hire a bodyguard if you can afford it - don't matter. Mamma's gonna be on guard, because Mamma
Dontrell, Who Concord
Dad knows she the last line of defense. Always. No ifs ands or asses - and when the wolves come for ya - and they Male Black Nathan Alan Davis 8 Drama Character description: DAD (DONTRELL JONES JR.) - (Male, Black, forties) Dontrell's father.
Kissed the Sea Theatricals, Inc.
always come, in one form or another, mark my words, When you in your darkest hour and them wolves come howlin',
I don't want no pound puppies at the gate. I don't want no best in show. I want Bitches. I want Ruthless Bitches. I
want Meeean Bitches protecting you. I want Lionesses! I want Panthers! I want Mamma Kodiaks rippin' whoever
come anywhere close! I want Warrior Women standin' over you! ... You go out there and kiss your mother. On the
mouth. And you tell her you ain't goin' near no ocean. And give her a little peace. And give the dead a little peace,
too. And give me a little peace, while you at it. ... Go kiss your mother.
I'm sorry what'd you say your name was? Ms. Andersen. So: You might like to know that your little prodigy here
happens to be a bonafide and certified wiz kid. Straight A's, AP everything. And he only played the prissy sports so
far as I know he's never been concussed. So you would think - having a decent head on his shoulders - he'd also
have a nice little helping of common sense. But such does not seem to be the case. Does it? 'Cause by my
Dontrell, Who calculations it's T-minus twenty-one days 'til classes start, and look I'm all for enjoyment. Enjoy your summer days Concord
Mom Female Black Nathan Alan Davis 8 Drama Character description: MOM (SOPHIA JONES) - (Female, Black, forties) Dontrell's mother.
Kissed the Sea while you can, get outside, ride your bike, et cetera, et cetera. But see: That? That right there has me wonderin'. That Theatricals, Inc.
looks like somethin'. Care to share? I don't know, Ms. Andersen. Seems like certain people want to keep me in the
dark. Do you have any light to shed? And keep in mind that now of all times, I'm likely to be kind. Because I have
manners. And you're a guest in my house. The older they get, the more men become their fathers. And women
become their mothers. That's the way of things Ms. Anderson so I hope you takin' notes.
Big bro got you stressin', huh? Listen, people gonna do what they do. 'Specially your borther. You were prolly too
young to remember this. I was five. So D was four. And we're playin' Power Rangers. We've created this epic wild-
animal gladiator battle type scenario, and it's getting kind of intense - so we're on a break. And we're knockin' back
some Kool-Aids and whatnot, and allasudden he leans over all secretive and he's like "I'm going to the zoo
tomorrow." And I'm thinkin' - cool. WE goin' to the zoo tomorrow - 'cause you know how I do: I don't like to miss
events. So I clear my schedule for the next day. And when I come over here in the morning your mom answers the
door and she calls for D, and he doesn't come. And I say, "He's not still sleeping is he? We gotta get to the zoo." And
your mom looks at me like "zoo?" And I walk with her back to D's room and that little baller has bounced. I'm sayin'
like Kunta Kinte bounced. Forreal. Got up all early, put some miles behind him before the sun came up, this kid was
Dontrell, Who not playin'. And he was actually going the right direction, too, is the crazy thing. 'Cause when the cops finally find him Concord Character description: ROBBY - (Male, Black, nineteen) Dontrell's best friend and an honorary
Robby Male Black Nathan Alan Davis 8 Drama
Kissed the Sea he's like on the route. But I just remember waiting... right here. Lookin' at the door. Terrified. 'Cause to me at the time, Theatricals, Inc. member of the family.
the dangerous thing about going to the zoo without a grownup was one of the animals would eat you. So I've got
these visions of D like, standing at the snack shop tryina buy a five dollar hotdog and then a bear tackles him and it's
over, and I don't have a best friend anymore, you know? And as far as my five-year-old brain is concerned the
probablity of that happening is like 95% so I'm basically in mourning - and then the door opens and it's your mom and
she's got D in her arms and he's lookin' straight up pissed. He's lookin' grown man angry. 'Cause he wasn't finished
with his business. Knowwhati'msayin', and your mom is just crying and crying 'cause, you know, she thought she had
lost her baby... And the only thing I could think was: Dontrell's invincible. He wrstled the bear and he won. And he
doesn't even have a scratch. And I've never doubted him and I've never worried about him ever since. That's on the
real.
Grandpa tried to hijack an oystserman's shipjack. Down on the bay. Didn't get very far. That's what sealed it for him.
When the police reined in the boat he screamed like he was possessed. He jumped in the water and sunk. They
rescued him, then put him in the asylum. He screamed so much, after a week his voice was gone. So he started
writing letters. He was smart, like you. He should have been a poet. He suffered there as long as he could bear it.
Dontrell, Who Then he drowned himself in the tub. ... We got us a legacy, cousin. The question is, how do we answer it? Me? I go Concord
Shea Female Black Nathan Alan Davis 8 Drama Character description: SHEA - (Female, Black, thirties) Dontrell's cousin on his father's side.
Kissed the Sea to work. I tell folks every day: Prepare to be Amazed. I walk those watery halls. Sometimes I stay late. I find my Theatricals, Inc.
peace. ... Uncle D has a gift for holding things inside. What it does to him, I don't know. But that's his way. And it's
his. Not yours to judge. Danielle: Nonstop drawing mermaids at age seventeen? She'll figure it out. She's well-
balanced, that girl. ... And you. ... You'd make a great college student. You would. But I don't know if they have
anything to teach you. Do what you have to do, Cuz. No more. And no less.
Mrs. Ollier tells me you were in the computer lab all day. What were you doing in the computer lab? I'm giving you an
opportunity to correct what you've done before the police get involved. I want to believe you. I have to believe the
truth. I'm asking you to do the right thing. I'm asking you to be honest. And you're willing to throw the Truth away for
– what? For stupid revenge? I'm trying to help you keep a little bit of your good name. Come on Mercedes! No one is
The Burn Erik Male Philip Dawkins Dramatists Drama
awesome here. Everyone sucks. Including you. Including me. Look. This is you and me, Mercedes, one on one. I've
done a lot of stupid crap in my life. I've hit rock bottom and thought I couldn't ever make it right again, but you can
make it right again. Take the invites down. Come with me to the principal's office and tell them what these girls have
been doing to you.
The police are here. ... Your dad's going to meet us at the station. If you want me to go with you. Is there any point in
me asking who did this to you? (beat) I'm sorry that I said you suck, that everyone sucks. I didn't mean that. I want to
believe I didn't mean that. Anyway, I'm sorry. Because you're right. I don't see the beauty. I haven't been able to see
the beauty for... a really long time. And that's a sad state for an art teacher to be in. Maybe that's why my Glass
Menagerie was so offensive. No beauty. (Beat.) They're going to kick you out of school. You know that, right? (She
does.) Which means you won't graduate. And if anyone presses charges, it could be – well, it could be bad. I think
The Burn Erik you should consider telling the police who beat you up. I mean, we both know who it was, but since nobody saw it Male Philip Dawkins Dramatists Drama
happen, unless you say something, you're the only person who will go down in this situation. And that is massively
unfair. Look – You could pass the GED in your sleep. And I know this pathetic English-slash-Drama teacher who
would tutor you if you wanted, so, there's that at least. Because I like you, still. That girl who wrote that burn page?
That's not this girl. I like this girl. You've been through much worse than this. Right? "Do not worry about the future for
the future will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own." We all go through something. Let's get
you through this. Okay? It's all good. It's all good.
Everyone thinks I transferred schools because I was being bullied or whatever, but -- It's because I just couldn't go to
my old school anymore. I wasn't being dramatic, I couldn't do it. To get to the entrance, I'd have to walk past the spot
where he-- and I'd start to get really hot and I couldn't breathe, and by head would spin like--. Every boy I saw --
every face -- I thought, "Is he the one? Is that the guy who shot my brother? Is he in that gang? What about him? Or
The Burn Mercedes Female Philip Dawkins Dramatists Drama
him?" I felt like everybody was looking at me, and like maybe they wanted to hurt me? And I guess... I went a little
crazy, I guess. Our church took up a special collection so my mom could go part time for the rest of the semester and
teach me at home. Then after the summer -- and our church wanted to help out again, but... our church family is rich
in spirit not... money. And we needed my mom's job again, so -- here I am. Ready or not.
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
He just... he didn't know where to turn to be saved. Like, he walked away from the church and his family to be with
the wrong group. But after we lost Gabe, my family and me walked even closer to God. And it saved us, it really did.
If we hadn't had our church group, I don't know if we'd still be a family -- I just wish Gabe would have chosen that
group. But he didn't. Cuz it's such a lie, you know? It's like people know Gabe was in a gang, but there were all these
The Burn Mercedes Female Philip Dawkins Dramatists Drama
different Gabes. There was the Gabe who was the son my mom and dad couldn't control, and the Gabe who made
his teachers' lives a living "H." But there was also the Gabe who helped me make an igloo for my My Little Ponies out
of icing and sugar cubes. Which Gabe do you think was the real one? The True Gabe? I have to believe -- I choose
to believe -- that the real one was the one with the sugar cubes.
Why is it so important for you to prove that I'm bad inside? All you see is what's bad in people. But I believe that we
are all made in the likeness of God, and God is Good, so we are at least a little bit good. I know that makes you think
The Burn Mercedes I'm stupid, but I don't think that speaking the Truth to Godless people is stupid, Mr. Krawczeck. I think it's beautiful, Female Philip Dawkins Dramatists Drama
actually. And I think I'll keep on believing that there is goodness in you, and Tara, and Andi and... and everyone else
who persecutes me for my belief, because that is what I do! I believe. And my belief makes me beautiful.
Tara's not totally horrible. And neither is Andi. They just... they kind of exist as a blob. Like, they think you're kind of a
religious frea-- outsider, but that doesn't mean you can't get them to accept you. They're not very smart -- especially
Andi, she just does whatever Tara wants because she's totally in love with her. It's not hard to manipulate them into
letting you in. I'm just saying -- like with me, right? I don't tell them everything I'm into. Like... Okay, don't tell anyone,
but... I do online gaming sometimes. World of Warcraft, Sims. Reddit stuff, Farmville, even. Yeah. Tara doesn't need
to know that. Because, who cares what Tara thinks? It's just for me. So, why even give her a chance to hate on it,
The Burn Shauna you know? Maybe just keep some of the more personal stuff... personal. Then they couldn't make fun of you for it. It's Female Philip Dawkins Dramatists Drama
okay to keep some stuff private. Not everything has to be set to public. I don't mean change who you are, I just mean
like-- what do I mean? Like, exercise your right to be anonymous sometimes. There's stuff in the world that can just
exist without you commenting on it, you know? If you comment on everything with a hundred and twelve percent of
your personality, then you're just a real-life troll. I don't mind -- you do you -- but, like, you don't have to tell people
about God all the time. Okay, but, like, adjust yourself to fit the situation. Just, when you're at school, be school-you.
And when you're at church, be church-you. Be you. Cuz I like you.
I'm actually not stupid. You just think I am because you don't understand me. But, I understand you. You're not hard
to figure out. So, maybe I'm not the stupid one. Be honest, if you were my age and you got forced to work with
Mercedes Keller one-on-one, every day, you would slit your wrists. You cannot stand there in your hipster goggles
and your dad Spanx and tell me that some tiny part of you doesn't cringe every time she lays her hand on a test and
"blesses" it. Or when she bows her head in class because -- oh, I don't know -- someone said "god" or something. Or
The Burn Tara when she sings to herself for no effing reason. Jesus would find that annoying. She wants us to notice and follow her. Female Black Philip Dawkins Dramatists Drama
It gives her, like, special martyr points or something. You cannot live in the world -- the real world -- and expect
everyone to be like, "Yeah, she's not crazy at all." because she's the Most crazy! Everyone thinks this, which makes it
true, for the most Wiki of reasons. And you know what? I think you actually like that I point it out, because she bugs
you just as much as everyone else, only you have to be all Authority-Figure about it. But as long as I say what you're
thinking, the I get in trouble and you don't. You're welcome.
No, no "meantime." Now! This burn page has like a million likes. The more people who see it, the more people can
talk about it, and the truer it becomes. It's up there. It's fact now. IT'S NOT TRUE. You're an alcoholic! There's a word
that's also a fact! This is your sobriety coin. I took it from your desk. You're an alcoholic and you think you can hide it,
but guess what, I know your dirty secret. What if it wasn't anonymous? What if I told everyone? And what if I put it
The Burn Tara online? What if I told everyone in the world and everybody's parents, that Mr. Krawczeck can't control himself around Female Black Philip Dawkins Dramatists Drama
a tiny sip of Miller Light, but we're supposed to trust him around a bunch of high schoolers? Or is it crack? Or heroin?
Or sex? Why not? Would that be just words? Or do you think it might become fact for some people? Make Mercedes
take the burn page down. Make her take it down! Make her stop saying those things about me, or I swear to god, I
will make everyone hate you!
Oh my god, oh my god, wait, no, I get it! I totally get it, because -- okay, because, like, in olden times? Like back in
the Pilgrims and Pocahontas and whatever -- like in the time of The Crucible -- everybody was all about being
terrified of witches, right Like if something bad happened to you, like your kid got measles or your pumpkin crop died
or whatever, you'd be like, "Oh shit, it's witches." Do if you just didn't like somebody, like say they overcharged you
for -- I don't know -- a bowl of acorn soup or something? You could just accuse them of being a witch, and then, like,
that was it. Boom, Witch! Busted. And since everyone in America at that time was like basically a religious fascist,
The Burn Tara Female Black Philip Dawkins Dramatists Drama
they thought the best way to test if you were a witch or not was to full on set you on fire, I am not kidding. Yes. To see
if you burned. Supposedly if you didn't burn, that meant you were a witch, and then I guess they were like, "Great,
she's a witch. Now what?" But, if you did burn -- and this is where it gets like all kinds of crazy waterboarding
mentality -- if you did burn, then they'd be all, "Oh, guess she was just a regular old human after all. Sorry not sorry."
And it's like, if course they all burned, because, P.S., there's no such thing as witches, A-holes. So, it's like, yeah,
congratulations or whatever, you discovered who she really is; you also killed her.
Let’s see if I can nail this down. May I? You don't come from money, but you've never wanted for much, either. You
tried your luck with the ponies, card games and crapshoots, but you played clean. You made a small fortune, and you
Failure: A Love
Gertrude used that to make a big fortune. Now you can’t stop investing. You’re infected with investments. Everything you ever Female Phillip Dawkins Playscripts 1 Dark Comedy
Story
even suspected you might want is already yours. You're a millionaire, you're walking on air, and you're bored. Men
like you don't have any respect for time. Especially other people’s. I bet you don't even own a watch.
Look, I left you the offer on the property. In the envelope with the money. You need to sign it. Deadline's in two days.
Now listen... you and me agreed about this before I went out to Iowa. You's supposed to tell Jaybo, which you clearly
have not, and then sign that offer. You following me on this? The light rail's making a good bid. More than it's worth. I
checked. We got two days to accept. And my buddy says if we don't accept, they'll likely just get the house
condemned and take it and the land for next to nothing. They'll screw us over if we don't play by their rules. Missus Dramatic
Terminus Bones Boyd Male White Gabriel Jason Dean Drama Eller is 65 years old.
Freeman? Jaybo was talking this morning about trying to put you in Sunny Acres. That place is awesome. I wish I Publishing
could live there. What I'm trying to say is... this money could pay for that place for a while. This is all a good thing, you
know... just let it go. A blessing in disguise. It's a good offer. It'll pay off the mortgage and leave us a nice bit to split.
You ought to do this for Jaybo. He's gonna be 18 soon. And you'll be the only thing standing between him and the
rest of his life.
My problem ain't the forgetting. That's easy. It's the remembering. Like this song. I know it as well as I know my
name, but then I can't place or remember the words. (Hums the tune.) You know that song? I hear it like a broken
record, Bells, bells, bells. I remember that old church bell at Bethel Baptist that used to ring before they sold it for Dramatic
Terminus Eller Freeman Female White Gabriel Jason Dean Drama Eller is 65 years old.
scrap to buy some unleavened bread. Everybody told Preacherman Bishop that summer to just use some baked Publishing
bread, that God wouldn't care none. He told everybody that if they wanted the body of Jesus Christ in their blood,
they were going to have to eat the holy bread from Italy, which is where Jesus died.
This is my husband, Henry Freeman. Jaybo takes after him. You see, I was waitressing down in Atlanta, and Henry
was the new busboy just come home from the Korean War. He looked so good in that uniform. Fifty... fifty... '53. Don't
seem that long ago. We was married on Christmas day that same year. Our relationship was just something between
me, Henry, and the Lord. You see, our kinds couldn't love legally until there was Loving. Loving vs. Virginia, girl.
Read History. Am I being rude? It's rude to let people stay ignorant. Loving vs. Virginia was when blacks and whites
could marry. Legal. Our baby girl lived with Henry and his folks when she was little. She was too dark to pass. But
after my Henry died, Pinot's grandmammy brought her to my side of town and said, "She's white now. She's yours." Dramatic
Terminus Eller Freeman Female White Gabriel Jason Dean Drama Eller is 65 years old.
We told everybody she was foster daughter. Not a day goes by that I don't think of my Henry. I'd given anything to be Publishing
able to walk down the street in the middle of the day with him. Such a gentleman. Did everything for me. Anything I'd
ask. On our wedding night, we stayed at this little motel, the kind of place you pay by the hour, so nobody asked
questions. First thing I give him? A Bible with his name stitched into the cover. And he took it with his big ocean
hands,and he looked at me and said, "Eller, honey. I ain't a religious man." I says, "That's all right. Just in case you
change your mind." But he kept that Bible. Never even opened it. The gold edges on the pages are still as bright as
they day I give it to him.
I had a dream about you last night. Even the Dream Me was pissed. She was, like, really subconscious. Why is he
here? Why is he Still Here. But there you were. And we were in this. Swamp. Drinking tea. And you had your hand on
my [knee] and it probably looked nice to people, from afar, I guess. But I didn't want to be there with you at all. I
wanted to be alone. And then I noticed a bunch of alligators so I said "look out" and you said "you're such a baby"
Fill Fill Fill Fill Fill and you leapt into the swamp and there was an alligator and bam you died you were bloody and gnarled you died
Joni Female Steph Del Rosso Playscripts
Fill Fill and there were marching bands and confetti and little kids with hula hoops. And then I woke up. I erased you. You
erased me so I erased you back. Last night. Last week. You're gone. You've stopped mattering. You're irrelevant. To
me. Do you know what I'm gonna do? I'm going to visit those places. All of them. The parks and the bars and I'm
going to say out loud: This is mine. Not yours, and definitely not ours. Those places are mine. They are MINE. They
are MINE.
It wasn't my idea to display it like this or anything. He hung it up for me. "He." I mean, Noah. I can say his name out
loud (Jesus). He framed it too. Big surprise when I got home. Big surprise for his "Little Photographer." Did I ever tell
you Noah used to call me that? It was like a pet name. It was like a sweet, supportive name I used to think ... HOW
Fill Fill Fill Fill Fill
Joni could I have thought that. "This is the one," he'd say. "This is you making your mark on the art world." And then. I Female Steph Del Rosso Playscripts
Fill Fill
didn't. Make my mark on the art world. So many people told me that I'd shoot rolls and rolls of photos after the
[breakup] you know, after. That I'd get this, like, surge of inspiration. But I haven't. Actually. I haven't. And it sucks.
And I think it's because it feels like. This feels like. His. It feels like. This belongs. To. Him.
WAIT. Wait. Please. Do you realize that. I spend every day. Anticipating the way you'll look at me when you walk
through the door? Some days are literally just the hours between when I get out of bed and when I wait for you to
look at me, in the door frame. The key clicks and you're standing there, exhausted, your commute was hell. But
Fill Fill Fill Fill Fill
Joni you're tilting your head a little with this. I mean it's the kind of look I dreamed up when I was a skinny, scared little Female Steph Del Rosso Playscripts
Fill Fill
high schooler. It was like you were about to say to hell with it all but then you put your hand on the knob, you walked
inside still shivering a little from the cold and you thought to yourself, How I could I possibly curse the world with her
in it ...
I don't want kids. I thought I wanted kids at first but the idea of having this someone something Take Root in My Body
egh I just shuddered a little and I've heard that it's wet that everything gets wet It just seems messy like sure OK I
Fill Fill Fill Fill Fill formed another human being ohmygodcrazy miracle of life but also it's pretty selfish like Look He Has Your Eyes He
Lisa Female Steph Del Rosso Playscripts
Fill Fill Has Your Chin Look He's Just a Little Reflection of You and like hellow stretch marks hello back pain hellow college
tuition hello new identity because it's like I made a baby and then I raised a baby I did this one very hard thing so now
I can throw in the towel and it's not good to prematurely throw in the towel so. Yeah. I don't want kids. ...
I can never fall asleep, so I put off sleeping as long as I can, so I'm sitting there, bleeding really slowly because you
guys are incompetent, and I'm trying to get my mind off the pain, because it isn't supposed to be like this. And the
power goes out, so now there's no TV, no computer, no light, no nothing. My parents are away as usual – even when
they're home – so it's just me, totally alone. And I should be free by now, but I'm not, thanks to you, and I'm on the
floor bleeding in the dark. I'm leaning against the wall by my closet, and in the closet is this old battery-powered radio
I got at a junk shop. It's the only thing in the whole house that works 'cause I guess they made things better in the old
days. It's only A.M., but that's better than silence. Better than what's in my head. And there's a talk show about
sports, but I don't really get sports, and there's music in a language that's not English – and some scratchy religious
guy trying to save my soul if I'll send him fifty dollars, but your knife pretty much cleaned me out.

I'm about to give up, when I hear this other voice. He's barely on a different band from the preacher, so I have to get
4 AM Jake Male Jonathan Dorf Playscripts 8 Drama Needs cutting for IEs
the dial just right, which is hard when you have slashed wrists, but I finally get it, and he's like my age. And I start to
listen, and he does all these jokes that are kind of funny and kind of not, and interviews with imaginary celebrities –
And then he starts doing commercials, and he does one for your knives – and he hates them, too! At the end, it's so
funny, 'cause he says, "Thank you for making such crappy knives," only he's making fun of you. And the more I listen,
I kind of forget I hurt, and I'm thinking, what's he going to do tomorrow, and how does he know about your knives, and
does he take call-ins? There's a phone number, but I don't know if it's real. If the phone number doesn't work, there
must be some way of getting in touch with him –

I want to listen to a few more shows before I'm ready to try calling in. Get more familiar. But it's like with every minute
I listen... it just makes 4 A.M. – and my life – a little easier to take. So this is kind of a thank you, because if your
knives actually worked, I'd never have heard Frankie. So thank you. Thank you for making such crappy knives.
I was awakened by a "boom" at 4 A.M. At first, I thought I just dreamt it, but then I see some lights seeming to dance
against my wall when the blinds flutter from the fan. I look outside and it turns out a car is literally on fire across the
street. The flames are shooting 15 to 20 feet in the air, with new little explosions – and more booms – that send the
flames shooting higher each time it hits a new pocket of gasoline or something flammable. I swear I can feel the heat
in my room. I call 911. I tell them what's happening and where, and then I hang up. That's it. I want to stay on the line.
I want them to say, "Stay on the phone until help arrives," but it isn't my car. They don't even ask for my name. I'm
just out. All of them having their private emergency, and I'm no longer a part of it.. Some tiny piece of me – just for a
second – wishes I started it, because there would be police and reporters and... I could still be part of it. I don't really
4 AM Fire Kid Jonathan Dorf Playscripts 11 Drama Needs cutting for IEs
wish I'd started the fire. I'm not the kind of person who starts fires or even wants to start them, except when I was in
fifth grade and I set an ant on fire with a magnifying glass... But don't they see? I'm not asking for a lot. Just a
gesture. So maybe staying on the phone with me would tie up the line. Maybe some little kid's dad is having a heart
attack, or a woman is giving birth on her kitchen floor or a motorcycle lost an argument with a 16-wheeler and
someone at the scene needs to be talked through CPR. Of course I'm not as important as that. But maybe when the
fire truck gets here – and the good thing about living 6 blocks from from a fire station is it takes two minutes for them
to get here – maybe a little nod to my second floor window, maybe a "thanks, kid" under your breath... I'd feel a little
included and maybe just a tiny bit less alone.
Listen, I'm going to speak my peace whether you like it or not. You have been at me since the day I came through
that door two years ago. For two years I've been listening to your sarcastic remarks about my work and every single
thing I do and say. Every day this goes on from the minute we open until we close at night. If I come in five minutes
early in the morning you say to everyone "Oh look, Miss Balash is trying to impress the boss." And then if I'm even a
Parfumerie Amalia Balash Female E.P. Dowdall Playscripts Comedy
few minutes late it's "Maybe Miss Balash could consider spending a little less time out with her friends and a little
more time in the shop with us." According to you, I can't wrap a package, I'm a bad salesperson, I'm lazy and
careless, and I'm frightening the customers away. I want you to know that I'm not afraid to tell you right to your face
that I can't stand the sight of you and that I do not intend to spend another day in this shop with you.
Have you seen the sheriff? I've gotta find Sheriff Carter. Marlene sent me to find him. Have you been listening to the
radio? We've been listening to it at the diner. There's some really weird stuff going on. A fireball fell out of the sky
onto a farm in Grover's Mill – near Trenton, less than a hundred miles from here. Not a meteor. It's a cylinder. That's
The Panic Concord
Lester what they're reporting on the radio. They're saying it's something that came from space. They're talking about seeing Male Michael Druce 1 1 Comedy
Broadcast of 1938 Theatricals, Inc
explosions on Mars and rockets heading toward Earth. We were all listening to the Chase and Sanborn hour, you
know how Edgar Bergen always takes a break at ten minutes after the hour, Marlene tunes in to CBS for a few
minutes, and there it was, a special report. It isn't a joke!
I want to marry you because all my life I keep fluctuating between being traditional and being insane. For instance,
marrying Sally was my trying to be traditional; while that time I took my clothes off in the dentist’s office was my going
to the opposite extreme. But I'm not happy at either extreme. And that’s where you, Prudence, fit in. I feel you are Concord
Beyond Therapy Bruce Male Christopher Durang Comedy
very traditional, like Sally, but Sally has no imagination, she’s too stable. And I think that even though you are very Theatricals, Inc
traditional, you're very unstable, and because of that I think we could be very happy together. Do you understand
what I'm saying?
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
Stalking? I... That man is my brother, and I know him better than you ever could. When J. Leslie was just eight years
old, our parents gave us that sled for Christmas – both of us, to share. All day, J. Leslie insisted I pull him back up the
hill on that sled, and each time, I'd ask if I could ride back down with him. He said no. All day, I drug him up the hill,
Davina Arlington only to watch him sled down on his own – tiny second-grade fists pumping the winter air. Finally, I begged him to let
Davina Female Tyler Dwiggins Playscripts Comedy Part of Playscripts' "Alibis: 8 Short Comedies about Crime."
Wants Revenge me have a turn, and ... J. Leslie said, "Sure, Davina." Just as I stepped onto Rosebloom, he kicked the sled out from
underneath me. I plummeted to the ground, cutting my lip in the process. There's still a scar, Jerrod, and THAT is
why I never got work as a screen actress – it was too unsightly for close-ups! My scar meant ... I had a face for the
stage.
I'm gonna be frank. I don't have time for this today, so this is going to be brief. You are in serious breach of section
IF-4a of your contract. You haven't clocked in at the home of your Assigned Child in three days. The child in question
- Madi Spritzer - is showing extreme discomfort and distress during the time of your unexcused absence. You are
Theatrical Rights
The Binding Arispa endangering her cognitive development and showing flagrant disregard for the rules and legislation that have kept Female Imaginary Friend Tyler Dwiggins Dark Comedy
Worldwide
this organization afloat for the last two centuries. Imaginary Friends have survived - nay, thrived - because of our
sustained, reliable excellence. The bedrock of that excellence is commitment and punctuality. I know you know that,
but do you care? Poppy, why would you shirk your responsibilities in this way?
I wonder what Isaac did when his dad tried to kill him. Abraham, I mean. When Isaac realized his dad was sacrificing
hm to God, do you think Isaac cried? Did he scream and beg for his life? Or did he just quietly wait for the knife to
fall? One thing's for sure. His dad didn't listen to Isaac if he did cry. It was all a part of God's plan. He was just
following orders. He was a victim of the rules like everybody else. But you know what I wonder most? What idd Isaac Theatrical Rights
The Binding Isaac Male Tyler Dwiggins Dark Comedy
and Abraham talk abou ton the way back down from the mountain? After he knew his father was willing to stab him to Worldwide
death and light him on fire? Tough time to make small talk, doncha think? ... I'm leaving. There's no restart. This is us
on Mount Moriah, Mom. You've got to choose. Me or God? Your God or your son? Who do you choose? Youv've
made it clear you can't pick both. You choose me today or you won't see me tomorrow.
This is stupid, Poppy. Believe in what?! Help? Help?! All you've done is come into my life and wreck it. I don't need
this! My life is hard enough without you getting me drunk and pushing me into the arms of Boy Scouts, Poppy. Why
Theatrical Rights
The Binding Isaac are you here? I'm a grown up! I don't need some stupid imaginary friend spouting vague clichés and flying around my Male Tyler Dwiggins Dark Comedy
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bedroom. I need real solutions. Don't you have a real job to be doing somewhere? Don't you have an actual life? I'm
sure you have some purpose, but it sure isn't helping me.
Please, Isaac. Don't go when you're mad like this. You owe me this much. I kept you alive! Got you to do your
hoemwork and go to bed on time and... Maybe that's not enough. God knows your dad would have done better but I
tried to do right by you. You're all I've got, Isaac. ... Your dad didn't die from stomach cancer. Your dad died from
Lymphoma. AIDS-related complications. I'm surprised nobody ever told you. It was the talk of the town. Every eye in
church looking at me, whispers from the pews. People didn't think I could hear them from the pulpit, but I always
Theatrical Rights
The Binding Jill could. And he was my best friend. Even after I knew evertthing about who he was... Even when he was so sick, Female Tyler Dwiggins Dark Comedy
Worldwide
nobody made me laugh like your dad. And after he was gone, all I had was the church and you. I prayed every day
that you would be safe, that nobody would ever hurt you. I thought if I believed, you'd grow up to be somebody's
husband. Somebody's father. And then you grew up and every day you were more and more like him. Same smile.
Same voice. Same loneliness. I couldn't find the words to make it not hurt. I'm sorry. I'm not sure I would forgive me
either. I can't choose between you and God, because you and God are all that I have left.
Don't talk to me like that. Like I'm a toddler. I get that you're mad, but - shocked? How could you be? Do you see me
every day? Do I look like I'm excited at the end of the day? Inspired? Do I look any different from any schmo you'd
see on the street? Have you forgotten how I used to feel about being a Companion? This job used to... Jesus, it used
to fill me up. It was like my body needed oxygen and food and water and this. I sprang ou tof bed every morning. I Theatrical Rights
The Binding Poppy Female Imaginary Friend Tyler Dwiggins Dark Comedy
soared through the air to get to my Friend's house. Now I don't fly unless I have to. I... I'm not sure what the right Worldwide
word is for how I move now. I don't feel like flying. I don't feel like cutting standardized snowflakes. I don't feel like
trying to get Madi to squish Play-Doh beetwen her fingers or dig in the sandbox or read. She's happy with her pixels
and her screens and her buttons. She wants to be left alone, so that's what I did. I left her alone.
Hey! I am beginning to think you two are not very nice! Georgia worked very hard on that painting, and I think it is
BEAUTIFUL. Georgia actually loves art. It seems like you two don't even enjoy art, you just like complaining about
art, and that's really lame! You are just two lame people who are really ... lame! And who do you two think you are,
making fun of beautiful things? You both dress like scary super-villains who escaped from an insane asylum -- bu tin
Your Stage
The Sketch Pod Jake a bad way! Do you think these clothes distract people from your boring personalities? Yeah boring! What would you Male Tyler Dwiggins Comedy From the collection, Rogue's Gallery
Partners
even be talking abou tif we didn't wander into this gallery to break up? You were just gonna do a full hour about a
bunch of boxes you hate?? Get a life! What are you gonna do to us? Make us go to your hairdresser? That's the
scariest thing I can imagine, Janice Bo'Banice. (To Georgia) Those jerks don't know anything about art. You're really
talented.
Oh, hon. I'm sorry. Here lately, it really lis like she's been straddlin' a fence or somethin'. Like she's got one foot here
with us, and another foot somewhere else -- kinda stuck in the middle, you know? All the writin' says that if you've
seen ONE Alzheimer's patient, you've seen ONE. And that's true. It really is. I've been readin' up on it. They're like
snowflakes. So we just gotta, you know, take it one day at a time. Like, when she veers off into the woods like that...
we just kinda gotta follow right behinder her kinda, you know? As best we can. And right now she's not too scared or
nothin', so that's good. But, um... you know, if you don't mind me sayin', Mrs. Joyce, you and your momma seems to Dramatic
Distance Dolly Female Jerre Dye 1
me to be kinda walkin' the dog here. Can I say that? I was thinkin'... well ... have you ever tried to get bubble gum Publishing
outta a kid's hair? Like when gum gets stuck in a kid's hair? Spend hours workin' peanut butter through the hair to get
the gum loose? Hard idn't it? You know what I did? I grabbed me a pair a sewing scissors and cut that s-h-i-t out,
'cause I couldn't afford to be late to work. My advice, Miss Joyce, is maybe you just need to take some scissors to
this here situation, you know? I think you just gotta decided to do all this different 'cause the rules are different with
your momma now.
This face don't take "no" for an answer. Look at me. I gotcha. I got you. How do you think I managed to keep
Sleeping Beauty in there presentable for twenty-odd years? What's your full name? Dolly Jean? Theeeeeeeey. Look,
Miss Dolly Jean Danvers. I'm really not in the habit of takin' "no" for a damn answer, so you might as well just go on
get with the program. Mutha has dun spoke. We good? Ok? One thirty or three? Done. Address on the card. We're
Dramatic
Distance Leonard doin' it together. That sounded tacky. Prepare to be beat the hell out, Miss Danvers. Please God, let me call you by Male Jerre Dye 1
Publishing
your full name. "Dolly Jean Danvers" is like a song in my mouth hole... It really does got a kinda rang to it. "Ladies an
gentlemen, MISS Dolly Jean Danvers!" Ever thought of takin' up country music? Or snake handlin'? You could be a
travelin' Baptist preacher woman. That's right. It is "never too late." Lord, I'm gonna put THAT in my pocket. We
gonna have us time, Dolly Jean Danvers. Whatcha say?
You're lookin' pretty good. That home color? I ain't judgin', Miss Clairol. I mean, you could use a little fluffin'. A little
rootin' around in there. You're still in mournin' for your beauty operator or just too busy seein' after everyone else to
see after your own self? Baptist? Raised Baptist myself. Look. I ain't castin' asparagus here. I'm just sayin' that
everybody deserves a little beauty day here an again, right? Honey, this is what I do. That is why I am here. ... to Dramatic
Distance Leonard Male Jerre Dye 1
guide the weary flock to safety in the storm, clean up some dead ends, drop in a little color, do some deep condition. I Publishing
am a licensed cosmetologist in the great state of Tennessee, for godsakes. Certified and ratified. And besides you
don't want them Baptists talkin' about ya, gurl. They's ruthless. When's your day off? First appointment free. Just tip
me. When's your day off?
Honey, I don't want to hurt you. I want to change you. I want to make you see that there is some value in life, that
there is some beauty, some tenderness, some things worth reacting to. Some things worth feeling. But you've got to
take some chances some time! What do you want out of life? Just survival? It’s not enough! It’s not, not, not enough!
I am not going to have a surviving marriage. I'm going to have a flourishing marriage! I'm a woman! Or, by Jesus, it’s
about time I became one. I want a family! Oh, Alfred, this is my wedding day. I want – want to be married to a big, Concord
Little Murders Patsy Female Jules Feiffer Dark Comedy
strong, protective, vital, self-assured man. Who I can protect and take care of. Alfred, honey, you're the first man I've Theatricals, Inc.
ever gone to bed with where I didn't feel he was a lot more likely to get pregnant than I was. You owe me something!
I've invested everything I believe in you. you've got to let me mould you. Please let me mould you. you've got me
whining, begging and crying. I've never behaved like this in my life. Will you look at this? That’s a tear. I never cried in
my life.
It's like - look - whole forests of Christmas tree. The air looks like you'd wanna breath it. And... everybody here's
always talking. They talk all the time and they don't say anything. People talk about - grocery lists. Price of gas. My
sister tells me what kid pissed himself in her class and got a gold star. She goes on and on about broccoli - should
Ugly Lies the she get one or two, what if her boyfriend comes over, will there be enough and if there's not maybe she'll make pasta Concord Jess is in her early 30s, severely distorted by third degree burns, uses a walker. Quick-witted,
Jess Female Lindsey Ferrentio Drama
Bone instead so she can mix the broccoli in. And they talk and talk and don't say ANYTHING. Not a single thing. Nothing Theatricals, Inc. intelligent, tough. Trying to have strength in her body, vulnerability in her life.
happens and they're still TALKING about it. NOBODY CARES what you make for dinner. Or who the president is.
You're like this and the universe is THIS and you're a dot. You dots. - It - It looks quiet here. The way it snowed in
Afghanistan... I've never heard quiet like that. Snow in the mountains.
You knew I was home... and you didn't come see me‽ I had to go find YOU? I drove around looking for your car,
Stevie... 'Cause you were the only person invited to that party I would have wanted to be there. Why didn't - did you
Ugly Lies the Concord Jess is in her early 30s, severely distorted by third degree burns, uses a walker. Quick-witted,
Jess not wanna see me? Oh God! And when I came in, did you - you knew it was me and - oh my - Why didn't I hear from Female Lindsey Ferrentio Drama
Bone Theatricals, Inc. intelligent, tough. Trying to have strength in her body, vulnerability in her life.
you after the other night? Why do I have to be the one to come here‽... Again. You didn't even visit me in the hospital.
I was in there fourteen months. How 'bout a card?
You were the last person I thought would be calling. I can't believe you still have my number. Alright, then. Here.
Listerine strips. Her doctor said whoever spends time with her has to carry them, you can fit 'em in your pocket.
They're less bulky than smelling salts. When this happens. And it doesn't happen a lot. But it's happened before...
and it's more than likely gonna happen again, she needs something to ground her in reality. Sucking on listerine
makes her snap to. Might be faster than calling me. Doctors' numbers are here. Loud noises. The beach. Crowded
Ugly Lies the Concord
Kacie places. All that's out. And - here. Rub it on her skin grafts. Her scalp, her back, four times a day. On the new, raw Female Lindsey Ferrentio Drama
Bone Theatricals, Inc.
skin. There are places she can't reach. You'll have to scrub until the scabs break open. Or else her skin hardens too
thick and she can't move. That's what happened to her knee, she couldn't bend it. And patches on her spine still ooze
a little, bandages stick, so you'll need to rub on this. She probably didn't want you to know- ...She is living on hope.
And there's very little of it around here... so if you're taking away even a fraction, even a decimal... if you're giving her
even this much - and it's not real... Well figure it out. ... Tell your wife we all say hello.
I feel like maybe we hit the wrong foot starting off. I'm actually a great guy. Lotta friends, more than the average man.
I'm a positive person. When my wife left, I saw a second chance. I smile 'cause I got a mouth to breathe. And so do
you. You gotta be a positive person on this planet. We could be covered in flies in Africa, we could have harelips for
all I know. But, as they say, positivity wins the race. I'm so positive, I walk down the street happy, smiling all the time,
Ugly Lies the Concord
Kelvin life is short. And I intend to live. ...All those friends of mine say, "What're you wastin' time with Kacie for?" She's a Male Lindsey Ferrentio Drama
Bone Theatricals, Inc.
little overweight, I don't care. Works with kids all day, talks to me like I'm one, I really don't mind that either. I visit your
mom all the time. And you. Your sister cried on almost every date we went on for the first few months. She still cries
herself to sleep almost every night. All I'm asking for is - can you please not do that "sister-talk" in her ear. I drive, I
cook, I'm a catch, okay? ... So I don't know why you have a problem with me...
I live a crazy life. - I got two Aunt Kathys! One on each side. What're the odds? Two Uncle Jeffs, both married in. And
three cousins named Frank, I mean what in the hell‽ There's big Frank, middle Frank, little Frank, My dad's cousin,
my cousin, my cousin's son. You with me? I'm textin', I'm textin' all the time, if you know me, y'know I'm textin like a - I
don't know what - Textin' all the Franks the night a the NFL draft, we're lunatics, go to the games together, whatever,
Ugly Lies the so I text Frank 'bout the Dolphin's number one pick, which is just like COME ON! - total mistake. Follow football, Concord
Kelvin Male Lindsey Ferrentio Drama Like he's the funniest man alive.
Bone football fan? Weeeeeelll, I text, "Let the shitty decisions begin." Meanwhile doesn't go to middle Frank, goes to Theatricals, Inc.
LITTLE Frank, who is proposing to his girlfriend. Down on one knee and "let the shitty decisions begin!!" HA! Oh, oh.
You'll love this! All the Franks're always forwardin' me e-mails, and I write back to middle Frank who I think is my
cousin, all caps locks, I write, STOP SENDIN' ME RACIST REPUBLICAN BULL! We talk like that, we kid around, ya
know. But instead... it goes to big Frank, my dad's cousin, who is just like, not cool with it... Hilaaaaaarious.
Jess! ... I - I wish I could quit my life to take care of you, that's it, or, or gone back in time and gone over and - like
Ugly Lies the shot everybody in the head to stop it from happening, agh - I sound like an idiot! I think you are - Like - . And... I - Concord
Stevie Male Lindsey Ferrentio Drama
Bone want you to have, just - all the things... all the things that're good. But I can't give 'em to you. But, but - it's not - why Theatricals, Inc.
you think... The - think about my life is... it's already - going. And it would take - a braver person than me to - fix that.
Yes. And you know, I wrote you that song. I wrote it because when I see you, normally, it's just, it's just a mess. When
I think about you I can't breathe and I look at you and I'm not sure you're real. You just look like... like if someone
were to say, Hey can you draw a girl and I drew you they'd be like, hey, that's a perfect drawing of a girl, you're a real
good artist. And my hands get all shaky when I want to touch you and you know that great hollow feeling you get in
Concord
From Up Here Charlie your stomach when you see someone you've been thinking about for days and then you turn the corner and there Male Liz Flahive
Theatricals, Inc
they are, and it's like.... And the bottom drops out and I feel like I have no actual mass or dimension and it's like
maybe I'm seeing you at that moment after having thought about you because you were, at the same time, thinking
about me. And that's how we ended up at the exact same place in the exact same moment. By thinking about it that
much. Do you need a ride?
No. The end result is the same, though. Mostly they carry within them the seeds of their own destruction. They do
stupid things. Sometimes they invent stupid things. Like, plastic explosives, .357 magnums, unbuckled seat belts,
frozen margaritas, atom bombs, Lucy Strikes, breast implants, separating tire treads, thick steaks, toxic waste, crack
cocaine, too much aerosol, not enough sunblock six-packs of lager in twenty-ounce cans– See, you and I and every
other living thing, we all have something they haven't got. An inherited, basically unalterable tendency to make a
Dramatic
In the Tank Stu (or Angela) compex, yet very specific response to environmental stimuli without involving reason. Insticnt. We have lots and lots Any Rosemary Frisino Toohey Comedy Both characters in this play are lobsters.
Publishing
of instincts. The way I see it, there wasn't any room left for insticnts after they put in all the brains. See, instincts
automatically tell you many things. There is one major exception. The basic plan had to be altered to make sure there
would be enough of them to go around. They did get the mating instinct but it was wedged in, sort of, added on at the
last minute? And feature this. When that kicks in, their brains shut down completely. They get to do one or the other.
Never both simultaneously. The seaweed always looks greener in the other tank.
You know, there's something very puzzling about what you're saying. I mean, on the one hand it's clear that you have
a true understanding of destiny and the fates. But then, I have this strong sense that while you have the awareness,
you totally lack the acceptance of reality. Take a minute here. Smell the plankton. What are you? You are a lobster,
correct? As am I. And the destiny of a lobster would be... As the galaxies spin through the universe, as the planets
Dramatic
In the Tank Stu (or Angela) orbit the sun within those galaxies, as the earth spins on its axis– It is the destiny of a lobster, the very essence of Any Rosemary Frisino Toohey Comedy Both characters in this play are lobsters.
Publishing
lobster-ness, I might say, to enrich the firmament in the only way in which we are able. We don't play musical
instruments or write compositions. We don't grow plants or harness the power of the wind and the sea. No. Our task,
pure and simple, is, to make the world a better place by being the priciest thing on the menu. I would say, in our own
way, we enrich the earth.
Mr. M, I'm here for a very “old-fashioned” reason, so I know You'll approve. I've come to pay my last respects to you. I
know the old-fashioned way of doing that is to bring flowers, say a quiet prayer and then go back to your life. But that
seemed sort of silly this time. So instead I've brought you something which I know will mean more to you than flowers
My Children! My White (South Concord
Isabel or prayer ever could. A promise. You gave me a little lecture once about wasted lives… how much of it you'd seen, Female Athol Fugard Drama
Africa! African) Theatricals, Inc.
how much you hated it, how much you didn't want that to happen to me. My promise to you is that I am going to try as
hard as I can to make my life useful in the way yours was. I want you to be proud of me. After all, I am one of your
children you know. You did welcome me to your family. The future is still ours Mr. M.
You're the one who wanted me to "do something," Sparky. Yes. Me. I am absolutely certain. Certain that this...
CERTAIN THAT THIS IS REGULAR MILK. And for those of you who don't know, Sparky Randall is in fact lactose
intolerant. No, Sparky. It goes deeper. Darker. More insidious. Everyone insults me, I'm useless. But you... you made
me do things. Terrible things. When the doorbell rang? I opened the door with my own two hands. When we ran out
Badger Poison Sam Any Gender Kathryn Funkhauser Playscripts Comedy Part of Playscripts' "Alibis: 8 Short Comedies about Crime."
of clicky pens, who had to get more? ME. And I... And I... forgive me, I STAPLED THINGS! Like someone whose
uncle isn't even important. Like nepotism isn't even real. And now? Never again will I not watch YouTube videos
under your tyranny. In a few minutes? Your tummy will be come a nightmare while your little birdies fly away
unpoisoned to ruin your career. And my uncle? He's going to be important forever.
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
Listen to me, Sam. This little problem is going to be swept under the rug with one tidy flick of my broom. We're going
to put the hippie in a coma with the badger poison, and then frame the West Wing wannabe for the crime. That story
will utterly eclipse the story of the badger poison we dumped in the lake, and I will have proved my loyalty to J. Leslie
Badger Poison Sparky Arlington and rise to power as I always dreamed. My mastermind monologues are completely wasted on you. Okay, Any Gender Kathryn Funkhauser Playscripts Comedy Part of Playscripts' "Alibis: 8 Short Comedies about Crime."
mark these cups with this marker so there is zero possibility of screwups, okay? THIS cup is the coffee with almond
milk. THIS cup is the coffee with regular milk. And THIS cup is the coffee with badger poison. What are you doing?
You CLOWN. You can't mark the one with poison. They have to look the same!
Okay, okay, okay! So, I've been working for old J. Leslie a couple of years now. Most of the lawyers he's hired open
up the closet, take one look at the skeletons in there and head for the hills. On the other hand, I'm a little more– A
little more understanding. That being said, the less I know about the really evil stuff, the less likely that I have to flee
the country, so I usually try and leave when he starts talking sinister plans. But the other day, old J. Leslie comes up
Badger Poison Sparky to me and says, "Sparky, how do you feel about crimes?" And I said, "Mr. Arlington, that's the kind of thing you really Any Gender Kathryn Funkhauser Playscripts Comedy Part of Playscripts' "Alibis: 8 Short Comedies about Crime."
can't say to me without getting me implicated. And he said, "Of course, of course, you know I think of you as part of
the family." I thought that was really nice and asked if he wanted a hug. But he said, "No. I mean, what do you think
about our family getting into organized crime? I think we'd do really well and we could use you." I stuck my fingers in
my ears and ran away yelling "La la la, I can't hear you." He just laughed like a hyena and said, "You'll see."
Look, I get along with everyone. Okay? I know everyone says that, even if they're in a clique, but I play soccer so I'm
friends with all those people, I do plays with Jess and all, it's not like in the movies where there's evil cheerleaders at
one table and goths at the other. But I do... I guess sometimes I do sort of toe the line. Like, you know how somebody
asks you if you've seen a move and you didn't, but you say yes, without even thinking, and then you're like, "why did I
say that?" That's school. All the time. Even with your friends. Maybe especially with your friends. You want to get
those moments in the flow of hanging out where everything feels easy, you don't want to be the one who makes it Comedy /
Double Double Annie Female Kathryn Funkhouser Playscripts
awkward. AJ thinks she's way funnier than she is. I always kind of thought that, but what's the point of getting self- Drama
righteous and making a big deal about it. The thing is I've never been the one she's been annoying at before. And it
didn't feel ... just annoying. But if you say something besides your catchphrase, she freaks out 'cause she's not the
start of the stupid sitcom. And she gets everybody to turn on you. That's not me usually, you know? I'm not the one
on the outside. But they can turn on you so freaking fast. And I wonder. Is there other stuff I haven't said, without
realizing it, so I can stay inside? It's like I'm scared of her or something. And she's so small.
I feel like I didn't sleep at all. At my old school once there was this play – I wasn't in that one, because I can't sing at
all, so I was on the stage crew, you know, doing the scene changes and everything. But I actually really liked it
because I was always rushing around doing something important with safety pins... and you're in the flow of things
you know? You don't... or, at least I don't feel that way very much. We'd mark where the furniture goes with glow-in-
the-dark tape, so we could see where to put it in the blackout. You feel kind of powerful when there's this room full of
people waiting in the audience, they can't see you or see anything really, and they don't know what's happening, but Comedy /
Double Double Emily Female Kathryn Funkhouser Playscripts, Inc.
you, all of you together, know exactly where to go. You're moving like spies in the dark, and together you can surprise Drama
them, with this magic trick, of being somewhere else when the lights come back on. I like surprising people. People
buy tickets just to be surprised. When it's just me, I feel like there's a whirlpool. Just saying the wrong thing and
thinking too much, crashing around in circles until you get pulled down where you can't breathe. It used to be when I
was doing a play it was like a river. It was all going somewhere. You could swim. But now... I wonder if this is what
drowning feels like. Maybe this is how I drown. Onstage.
Here's my question, okay? Where has she been? I'll tell you where I've been. I've been here. I've been Villager
Number Two, and Juliet's Nurse. I was even assistant choreographer, I showed those girls how to do the dances, my
dances. Every play, I've been here. And finally, finally I get this chance, okay, this chance to, to prove myself... and
this girl waltzes in off the street from some other place... and she gets it too. The same thing. Like it was easy. You
know? I've been here. One time a few years ago, I was so upset I asked. I just went to Ms. Lucas' office and straight-
up asked her: why not me? If I'm good enough to come up with the dance, and show Juliet how to do the dance, why Comedy /
Double Double Jess Female Kathryn Funkhouser Playscripts
aren't I Juliet? Annie's my best friend, Annie's good, but Annie's good at everything. This is my thing, theatre's my Drama
one thing, this is the thing I do. And she said, "Well, Juliet's more of an ingenue part, and it seemed more believable."
So I asked what an ingenue was, even though I already knew. Because I wanted to hear her say it. And she said, "It
means the young girl who's the romantic lead." Believable. I guess she saw my face and she tried to, like, save it.
She said, "You're so good at a lot of other things!" and that's when I walked away. I guess I wouldn't really believe me
either. I guess things are just easier for some people.
She was SO CLOSE to quitting! We are NOT like them. This is ridiculous. We are dangerous. We've done terrible
things to try to break the spell on this play. We almost crushed Laurence Olivier with the weight from a stage light.
Soaked Charleton Heston's tights in kerosene. Started a riot in New York. It shouldn't be this hard to turn teenage
Comedy /
Double Double Ursula girls against each other. They're supposed to do that. I'm talking about what's natural! Why are they sticking by her? Female Kathryn Funkhouser Playscripts
Drama
What's to be loyal to? Shouting like that?? Yelling, "shut up"? She looked crazy! And you. What's going on with you?
You've gotten so negative about breaking the curse, escaping the mortal realm – Clearly we've been too subtle.
You're nobody. It doesn't matter. I'll do it myself.
You know what? That's it. That's the last straw! It's so ironic I could explode! I work at a shoelace factory, I make
money by making shoelaces, I am literally SURROUNDED by shoelaces and all I want is two seconds to buy one for
myself! Isn't this supposed to be the American Dream? Don't I work incredibly hard? Don't I come in every day with a
Weekend Warriors Helen Female Kathryn Funkhouser Playscripts Comedy Part of Playscripts' "A Simpler Time: 9 Short Comedies Set in Other Eras"
positive attitude? I have such a great work ethic that I annoy Dora. I'm not asking for the moon, Mr. Gordon. I'm not
asking to be treated like a queen! I'm asking for enough time to myself to go buy myself a shoelace, so my shoe
stops falling off, so everyone LEAVES ME ALONE.
What do you mean? This is safe and fun. This will be a safe and fun time. Let me tell you something. Heathcliff
Peterson is a big jerk and if I have to hear about one more of his outward bound excusions I'm going to kick
someone. I want to do this because I want to spend more time in the great out of doors. I don't need to one up Dramatic Vignette
Our Place Al Male Terry Gabbard 3
Heathcliff because first of all, he has a stupid name. Two, his shutters are blue... I mean, really? Three, he has a Publishing Drama
freaky looking kid. (Al notices his daughter looking freaky.) Freakier looking kid. Come on, everyone, let's load the
canoe.
I haven't given college any thought, actually. I'm working for my dad so I can take over when he retires. I don't like
school like you do. My dad is going to teach me everything I need to know. I don't want to stay up late writing papers
and all that stuff. I really like working with my hands. When you know what you like, why try something else? That
thing you said about your personality and your taste buds changing until you're 30, that isn't going ot happen to me.
Are we fighting? This isn't how I wanted to spend today. I took you out to our place so you could relax. When did you Dramatic Vignette
Our Place Corey Female Terry Gabbard 4
become too good for our conversations? When did my mom's sandwiches become not as good as something you Publishing Drama
haven't even tried before? What is wrong with something you have loved for the past six years? What is wrong with
being out here, at our place? That used to be enough. What if after all this soul earching, after trying Somalian food
and Korean food and whatever else you decide you need to taste, what if you decide that what you really like the
best, the thing that fills you up is ... me. If that's the case, it will be too late.
Sorry I was just thinking about something I read. Did you know that your personality doesn't fully mature until you are
in your mid- to late-20s? Yeah it is weird. Your likes, dislikes, and everything are really in flux until you are almost 30.
The person who I will eventually become may bear only the smallest resemblance to who I am right now. Your taste
buds too. Your taste buds are constantly changing. Like this tuna fish right here. In 10 years, I might hate tuna fish
even though I really like tuna fish right now. I like it, but maybe in the future I will hate it. I maye even develop an
Dramatic Vignette
Our Place Liberty allergic reaction to the fish or the mayo. Sometimes people, without any warning, develop food allergies they've never Female Terry Gabbard 4
Publishing Drama
had before. It's weird to think that this tuna fish could actually kill me one day. I'm sorry. I'm kinda freaking ou tabout
classes starting again in a few weeks. Dad is really pushing me to "pick a direction." A degree in philosophy was not
part of his master plan. Did you know that an alarming number of people end up having a career unrelated to their
course of study in college? What's more, most people change careers two to three times. I don't know who I am,
Corey, and I guess I won't know who I am for at least six or seven years.
There is nothing you can do. Corey, I want to go to that Somali restaurant. No you don't understand. I want to go with
someone who wants to go. I don't want to hang out on this nasty dock eating your mom's tuna. I want to sit down with Dramatic Vignette
Our Place Liberty Female Terry Gabbard 4
someone at that Somali place and have an intelligent conversation ... I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, Corey. I lose sleep Publishing Drama
thinking about missing an opportunity to find out that I might like something... or someone... more.
You made me pray. you're my supervisor. You pressured me into doing it. I only did it to save my job-- And you
pressured me into recommending the concurrent permanency plan because Cindy’s a Christian and she’s a friend of
your pastor pal-- The bias is yours. It is your pro-Christian bias. That you're using against me. This is a hostile
workplace– You asked me what my faith was! So try to fire me. Try to lay me off or even just take me off the case and Dramatic
Luna Gale Caroline Female Rebecca Gilman Drama
I will go to the IWC-- And they will file a workplace discrimination claim and I won't take arbitration. I'll insist on a full Publishing
hearing in front of the commission, and it’ll be so ugly, even if you win, you're never gonna make regional director.
This is going to haunt you just like that thing with Mimi is haunting me and you're gonna be stuck here forever. With
me!
I shouldn't have even gone. You know? Jaycee's been pulling this crap for two years. Ever since graduation. She'd
say she was going to meet me someplace, and then she wouldn't show. Or if she did show, like, I thought it would be
just the two of us but she'd bring along all these randos. Then – even if it was some little thing – if something good
Dramatic
Twilight Bowl Clarice happened to me, it was like she didn't want to hear about it. Like when I got my apartment. I was kind of excited. I Female Rebecca Gilman 2 Drama
Publishing
mean I know it's the size of a closet, but – I think it's pretty cute. Everybody said I was stupid to paint in there? Since
it was rental? But it was totally worth it. It's like, exactly how I want it. But she didn't even want to come over. I had
beg her, practically. And then when she did come, it was like, she couldn't wait to go out.
I know. But there were at least two times you could have gone with me and you didn't. And if you can go more then
it's not as hard on her becaus she doesn't have to put on a good face every time– I love you. I love all you guys,
which is why I sit here with you while you drink and smoke. And I listen to you indulge in profanity and take the Lord's Dramatic
Twilight Bowl Sharlene Female Rebecca Gilman 2 Drama
name in vain and I never say a word. I never say a word. But every once in a while? I do think that maybe you could Publishing
think of somebody else and imagine how somebody else feels for five seconds– Maybe I'm being tested? I don't
know what for? But maybe I am. I don't know. Whyever it is, it's my sin and I have to atone for it. Ok?
UW Platteville. Seven thousand. And every one of them knew what they were doing there except me. I could not pick
a major. There was an environmental and social justice program, but you could only minor in it. My advisor kept
wanting me to be a business major so I could pay off my student loans. But I thought, "What if I just stopped taking
out the loans insteand?" I took this intro to literature class I liked. We read The Glass Menagerie? It's a play? There's
this girl in it who's got MS or something– she kind of limps? And she just sits at home and polishes these glass
animals she collects. But they kept talking about how one time she did go to business college to learn how to be a Dramatic
Twilight Bowl Brielle Female Rebecca Gilman 3 Drama
secretary. But when she got there, she was so shy that when she got asked to say something to the class she Publishing
vomited everywhere. Like totally barfed in front of everybody. And it was supposed to be this indication of how she
couldn't make it in the real world. She couldn't be a normal person. But I thought – maybe it wasn't her problem.
Maybe the real problem was business school. I mean, if that's what you have to do to be "normal" – is like learn how
to type and sit in a cubicle all day making Excel spreadsheets then maybe that should make you barf. Maybe the
people who aren't barfing are the ones we need to worry about.
I'm trying not to cuss anymore? It literally makes some people sick. I'm just trying something different. And I'm not
saying Sharlene's a moron because she says "gorsh." Sharlene has really helped me. She's kind of turned out to be
the best friend I ever had. No offense. I'm sorry I didn't come out– I didn't want you to see me. There. Sharlene was
different. I mean, before I went to prison I never liked Sharlene? Or even respected her? So when she came to see
me I was like, "Whatever, I'll talk to her. I don't care what she thinks of me." But then she kept coming and she kept
insisting I was good and that she loved me. And that Jesus loved me. So two people loved me. And granted, at first, Dramatic
Twilight Bowl Jaycee Female Rebecca Gilman 5 Drama
my brain chemistry was off whack becuase I was going through withdrawal? But after a while, it made me feel better. Publishing
I mean, she came to see me every month. Hell, she probably would have come every Saturday if they let her. And
then people at her church sent me money every month for comissary. And when I came up for parole they wrote
letters of support to the parole board. And Sharlene arranged for me to get hired at Parkside which was a big factor in
my parole. That I had a job waiting. So I don't know. It's like (shrugs.) they're the only people who ever gave a shit
about me?
I was depressed. I was depressed, and I could have given into that and done something totally stupid, but I didn't. I
got my shit together. Don't you remember that first Thankgiving? When I came home with that girl? Maddy? Who just
drove back to school in the middle of the night and left me here? Yeah. Which totally crushed me. Because – I don't
know. I thought she was my friend or something. And then she just drove off without me. And I had to take her
suitcase back to her. I had to carry it back to Columbus on the friggin' Megabus because we drove up here in her car
and I didn' thave any other way to get back to school. And when I took it to her room she just looked at me and said,
"Thank you for returning my suitcase." I didn't know what to say. It was so weird. And then I got into this spiral of
negative thinking. I was like, I'm never going to fit in here. I'm not going ot make the team. I should just go
home– That whole Christmas break I didn't want to go back. And I had to take the Megabus again, which– Have you
ever taken it? Where you get it? In Madison? It's just this corner of this road off the beltline. There's not a bus station
or anything. There's an Arby's and an RV place and everybody just stands out there on the sidewalk. My mom drove
me and we were waiting in the car and I was looking at the people waiting. There was this guy who was carrying all
his stuff in a garbage bag. And some girl my age who already had three kids, standing there looking hungover as all
hell, smoking. And I just lost it. I looked at my mom and told her to turn around and drive back home. I told her I
wasn't going back to school. Like I thought I would die if I went back. But mom just looked at me and then she pointed
to one of the people and she started playing this game that we always playead when I was a kid. She made it up for
when we had to wait in a line or something. She would point to people and say, "Would you want to be that person?
Or that person?" When I was a kid it was fun. Like I'd say, "Yes, 'cause she's pretty." Or, "No, he's too fat." But this Dramatic
Twilight Bowl Sam Female Rebecca Gilman 5 Drama
time I really startead looking at the people at the bus stop. Some people seemed fine, but not so great that you'd Publishing
want to be them. But most of them were like the guy with the garbage bag. Or worse. Like Mexican day-laborers. So I
said to my mom, "I don't want to be any of those people." And she said, "Of course you don't. They're a bunch of
losers." And we laughed so hard. And then she totally laid into me. She was like, "You have a scholarship to one of
the best universities in the country. And it's because you're really great at something you love, and what are you
thinking? You want to quit? Because you're scared? And do what? Hang out with Jaycee and those freaks? Hang out
in Reynolds for the rest of your life and work at the bowling alley?" She never talks to me like that. But she was right. I
mean, can you imagine? I mean, I had this amazing opportunity. And I was going to ruin it because I felt sad? So I
went back and I doubled down in practice. And this girl I was up against, from Toledo? I totally got in her head.
Remember how I told you she was always asking Coach for tips? Well he wasn't giving her any so I started. I was
like, "You know, I notice you're taking some half-steps on your approach. Are you afraid of faulting? Because you're
not even close to the line on your release." Just little things that sounded supportive but weren't even true? And it
totally worked. She got all self-conscious and din't know what to do with her feet and she started faulting like crazy. It
was awesome. Hey – you gotta do what you gotta do. Right? I made the team. We won the national championship.
And we're gonna win it again next year. We only had one girl graduate, so the rest of us are coming back, and we're
going to crush it. Senior year is going to be the best year ever. I know it. (Beat.) So it's not always luck. Was my
original point. (Pause.) Guys, I didn't mean that about working here. I just meant – I didn't want to end up like Jaycee.
Is what I meant.
I wonder if she's gonna want to do that whole twelve-step thing now. There's that step where you're supposed to go
to all the people you wronged and ask them for forgiveness? Aunt Natalie did it with my mom. She wrote her this long
letter apologizing for all this shit she did when she was drunk. Then she came over and read it out loud. Like she
made this big production out of it. But she only apologized for the little stuff that nobody really cared about. She left
out all the big stuff. Because– basically– she was so drunk at the time that she didn't even remember doing it. My
mom said, "why don't you apologize for something real?" And they ended up in the hugest fight ever. They were Dramatic
Twilight Bowl Sam Female Rebecca Gilman 5 Drama
yelling at each other so loud that somebody on our street called the police. It's not funny. They haven't talked to each Publishing
other since January. I don't think my mom's ever going to forgive her now. And why should she? But the whole thing
is like, "I had no control." It's just shirking responsibility. I mean, I'm glad Jaycee's sober, and I'm glad she got parole.
But – I don't know. I used to think it was just luck that she ended up in prison and I ended up in school. But I don't
really think that anymore. I mean, I lucked out with my parents compared to her, but there's also making good
choices and there's also applying yourself, and she didn't do that.
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
(to her phone) I'm not answering you. (Puts down her phone. It rings.) You better not– (She sees who's calling.) Oh.
(She answers) Where are you? I'm here already. I'm hanging... I just thought I'd come early and hang. I don't know.
(To BRIELLE.) What's your name? (On phone.) Briana. She's totally cool except she won't serve me, and I wanted to
get drunk tonight, so if we can go somewhere after and do that, I would appreciate that... He just texted me, like five
seconds ago... Yeah. So no, obviously, I'm not answering a text.... Ok. Cool. Bye. (She hangs up. To Brielle.) They're
... outside some town that I forgot the name of it. I just very badly need to get drunk tonight. Did Sam tell you I just
had an abortion? I did. I just had an abortion. That's why I didn't go home for Thanksgiving. I could not face my mom.
My mom is one of those people who – you know – one hair is out of place, and she thinks you're in crisis and she
freaks out. She hates messiness. Like I used to get super nervous? When I took tests in high school? Because I
thought every test was going to determine the rest of my life? Because that's what they told you? And it got so bad Dramatic
Twilight Bowl Mandy Female Rebecca Gilman Drama
that every time I had a test, I'd hyperventilate on the way to school. And my hyperventilating upset my mom so much Publishing
that she had to go on Xanax. And then she took me to a psychiatrist, and he put me on Xanax. But I still got nervous.
Only I was scared to tell her I was nervous, so then I was nervous and scared so instead of hyperventilating on the
way to school, I started vomiting. So the psychiatrist said maybe hypnosis would help? Which – it turns out you can
just Google a hypnotist. So we went and this lady would make me stare at this gyroscope thing until I was
hypnotized. And then she'd tell me I was a superhero and I was invicible and I could never fail at anything. Especially
not tests. I was never hypnotized. I just closed ym eyes and pretended I was. I'd be like– (she closes her eyes and
lets her mouth fall open.) Then the hypnotist lady would pick up a magazine and read for the rest of the hour and
totally ignore me. I loved it. It was the best hour of the week. (Beat.) She calls me five times a day. Because she's so
damn worried about me.
I didn't want your job. I just think it's ridiculous that I have to get your approval on every little decision I make when I
was running my own cases for 25 years. This office didn't lose any children. Mimi did. And now I'm being punished for
something I never even knew was happening. Mimi was the boss. She ran the briefings. If she didn't bring up a case,
we didn't know it existed. We didn't have the spreadsheet on the server thing– I'm explaining how it happened. Under
Mimi, there was no system. She was overwhelmed. Do you think I haven't tried to find them? I'm the one who went
Dramatic
Luna Gale Caroline through her office, I'm the one who– (Stops.) Found her– (Stops.) Then I went through her office. Her house. Her car. Female Rebecca Gilman
Publishing
The woman kept case notes on Burger King wrappers. She wrote her suicide note on the back of her water bill. There
weren't any files, there was shit. Piled everywhere. Like those damn teddy bears– She came in here with a case of
teddy bears one day, all excited, like this would save the children. She was an idiot. And she never talked about her
cases with me because I never talked about mine with her. Nobody did. We just tried to ignore her and do our own
work because she was a stupid, fat idiot who couldn't keep up!
Another thing I like is he home-run trot. Not the mad dash around the bases when it's an inside-the-ballpark home run
-- I'm not sure I've ever seen an inside-the-park home run -- I'm talking about the graceful little canter when the ball
has been crushed, and it's missing, and the outcome's not in doubt. What I like about it is it's so unnecessary. The
ball's gone, no one's going to bring it back. And can anyone doubt that a man capable of launching a ball four-
hundred feet is somehow going to fail to touch a base when he's running uninterfered-with? For all intents and
purposes, the game, at that moment, is not being played. If duration-of-game is an issue -- and I'm given to believe
that duration-of-game is an issue -- the sensible thing would be to say, yes, that's gone, add a point to the score and
Take Me Out Mason send the next batter to the plate. But that's not what happens. Instead, play is suspended for a celebration. A man Male Richard Greenberg Dramatists 1 Drama
rounds four bases and, if he's with the home team, the crowd has a catharsis. And from the way he runs, you learn
something about the man. And from the way they cheer, you learn something about the crowd. And I like this
because I don't believe in God. Or -- well -- don't know about God. Or about any of that... metaphysical murk. Yes, I
like to believe that something about being human is... good. And I like to think what's best about us is manifested in
our desire to show respect for one another. For what we can be. And that's what we do in our ceremonies, isn't it?
Honor ourselves as we pass through Time? And it seems to me that to conduct this ceremony not before a game or
after a game but in the very heart of a game is ... quite ... well, does any other game do that? That's baseball.
So I've done what was suggested. I continued to watch and I have come (with no little excitement) to understand that
baseball is a perfect metaphor for hope in a Democratic society. It has to do with the rules of play. It has to do with
the enforcement of these rules. It has to do with certain nuances and grace notes of the game. First, it's the
remarkable symmetry of everything. All those threes and multiples of three -- calling attention to -- virtually making a
fetish of the game's noble equality. Equality, that is, of opportunity. Everyone is given the exact same chance. And
the opportunity to exercise that chance at his own pace. There's no one that scurry, none of that relentlessness that
marks other games -- basketball, football, hockey. I've never watched basketball, football, or hockey, but I'm sure I
wouldn't like them. Or maybe I would, but it wouldn't be the same. What I mean is, in baseball there's no clock. What
could be more generous than to give everyone all these opportunities and the time to seize them in, as well? And
Take Me Out Mason Male Richard Greenberg Dramatists 1 Drama
with each turn at the plate, there's the possibility of turning the situation to your favor. Down to the very last try. And
then, to insure that everything remains fair, justices are ranged around the park to witness and assess the play. And if
the justice errs, an appeal can be made. It's invariably turned down, but that's part of what makes the metaphor so
right. Because even in the most well-meant of systems, error is inevitable. Even within the fairest of paradigms,
unfairness will creep in. And baseball is better than Democracy -- or at least than Democracy as its practiced in this
country -- because unlike Democracy, baseball acknowledges loss. While conservatives tell you, leave things alone
and no one will lose, and liberals tell you, interfere a lot and no one will lose, baseball says: Someone will lose. Not
only says it -- insists upon it! So that baseball achieves the tragic vision that Democracy evades. Evades and
embodies. Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature.
Yes. I have been watching baseball nonstop since the day I was told you were coming to me. At first it was a chore. I
understood nothing. I couldn't tell one player from another. And then I could. And it wasn't a chore any longer, it was
... this ... astonishment! This ... abundance. So much to learn, so much to memorize. ... When you're not playing now,
I watch whoever is; when there's no one playing, I watch tapes from twenty years ago, when I'm out of tapes, I read
books. I've been crying for two months. That's a ridiculous, that's a disgusting thing to say. I hate people who tell you
how they're crying. "Oh, I'm so deep -- it's so meaningful -- I cried." Bull. I'm telling you because it's ludicrous -- I know
it's ludicrous. But Darren, I never cry about anything. I only ever have about two feelings a year; and all of a sudden...
Take Me Out Mason (He spreads his arms, speechless.) I'm having memories. Playing catch with my dad. Going to games over summer Male Richard Greenberg Dramatists 2 Drama
vacation. They're not even my memories, but I'm having them. I don't get it. I don't get any of it. I don't know why I
feel exalted when we win. I don't know why I feel diminished when we lose. I don't know why I'm saying "we"...! Life is
so ... tiny, so daily. This... you... take me out of it... I know ... things are hard for you now ... I know it's a difficult time
... but don't tell me you're flat. Be in agony, but don't be indifferent. Look where we are! Smell the air! I want to be
sentimental! I want to be ... (He makes a gesture with his whole body. It's clunky but weirdly graceful. Darren laughs.
Mason realizes it's not a mocking laugh and laughs himself. Pause.) Promise me you won't retire. Promise me you
won't retire tomorrow morning. For me. I'm your business manager.
After my mother died, my father more-or-less lost control of things. It had something to do with a partner, I think, or
the board – something shifty – I'm not suppressing the details here, I just never quite learned them. Anyway, just like
that, it seemed, we were out of business. I was working in New York then, I'd visit on weekends. Every time I did he'd
The American have sold off another room of furniture and he'd be sitting in it… singing, “I'm a ramblin’ wreck from Georgia Tech/And
Nick Lockridge Male Richard Greenberg Dramatists Drama
Plan a heck of an engineer…” and he wasn't even drinking—that was the funny part, he was stone-cold sober. I'd say,
“Dad… are you sure you're all right? Can I get you anything?” he'd say, “Oh, no, I'm fine, pal, I'm fine, sport – all I
need is a shave and a haircut – that’s all I need, sport – a shave and a haircut – just a shave and a haircut – then I'll
be ready.”
Don't start. You know my brilliance comes with a price. I cannot pull off a job of this scale without my precious sweets
coursing through my veins. The remnants of some breakfast Reese's won't get me through one of the most
complicated jobs we've ever pulled off. ... What is this? You're joking, right? These are... They're... Good'N'Plenties...
Good 'N' Plenties are not precious sweets. They are the Devil's delights, the Candy of the Damned, the Jellies of the
Attempted Theft of Joyless... If Jack the Ripper had a sweet tooth, he'd eat Good 'N' Plenties. If Mussolini needed a sugar kick, he'd eat
a Confection from Clyde Good 'N' Plenties. People who talk in movie theatres, people who try to stuff oversized luggage in the overhead bin, Male Patrick Greene Playscripts Comedy Part of Playscripts' "Alibis: 8 Short Comedies about Crime."
a Minor people who hit "reply all," people who take off their shoes on an airplane, people who try to sneak in more items at
the express checkout, people who don't wipe down equipment at the gym, people who take selfies on a crowded
sidewalk, PEOPLE WHO CUT IN LINE, all of them have one thing in common ... They like Good 'N' Plenties. You
had a choice between the worst candy in the world and creamy, delicious Werther's Originals, and you chose these?
I have to find a store.
Really, you think I have it easy? Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, three hundred sixty-five days a year of
living, breathing people. People of all ages. And other ghosts, too. Lots of them. Some of them have been there for
In the Waiting
over a hundred years. Real pieces of work. It's super exhausting is what it is. Day in and day out, there's always
Room of the
Madeline someone to haunt. And on the off-chance that there is a dip in attendance, I've got ghosts of every type yapping away Female Patrick Greene Playscripts Comedy Part of Playscripts' "Scared Silly: 10 Hauntingly Hilarious Short Plays"
Ghost Placement
at me. I can't get any peace. I'm going crazy. It can be that bad. It can be real bad, buster. It can get so bad that the
Agency
thought of seeing another child crying in terror doesn't even mean anything anymore. I used to relish their misery.
And I was good. I was so good. But it's just too much. Do you understand? Do you understand?
That's a keeper. (Typing as he talks:) "Hanging with the kids at an immersive Manet exhibit. Hashtag Immersive
Marv." It's Manet. Here. Listen. (He reads on his phone.) "Become the Master. The immersive experience of entering
the art of Claude Monet." See? Wait... Oh. It is Monet. Well, Monet, Manet, either way, we're here to learn and have
fun. And look, there are no flashing images here. I think they are going for something radically different with this one.
Listen to this, (Reading from his phone again.) "Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a famous artist?
Mayonnaise Your Stage
Marv Wonder no more. In 'Becoming the Master,' you step into the shoes of Claude Monet and create his most famous Male Patrick Greene Comedy From the collection, Rogue's Gallery
Mayonnaise Partners
painting." Clearly we are meant to do something with the boxes. I'm thinking maybe there are costumes inside an
dmaybe we are to dress up like some of Manet's-- Monet. Why do you keep saying that? I know you love your phone,
but whatever you are doing is not art. Art is the master works of Manet-- Sorry, Monet, presented to you in a way that
you can immerse yourself in... No, no, this is not about me competing with Uncle Rick. This is about my genuine love
of art... Immersive art specifically... because I love it... Let's just get started.
I have a voice. I took the SATs and I did track and field and I volunteered and I, I, I did all the things, the same things,
I think, everyone does. To get here and looking at that door, my bedroom door, seeing how she saw me, if only for a
moment, split moment.. you think you'll throw down, you think you'll get into it, scratch out eyes, gnash teeth, go for a
throat, tear skin and hair. But I just felt exhausted. Bone tired. And bare to the world. Years of history boiling up into
this moment, split moment, for everyone to see, a thousand fold. If I could burrow deep, deep, deep... nowhere dark
and warm enough to hide me, hide that, if that's what someone could see in me. You'll think you'll yell and shout, but.
Baltimore Alyssa I took the SATs and I did track and field and I sat in this food pantry and did the inventory and handed out groceries Female African American Kirsten Greenidge Playscripts Drama
and families would come in each week and we'd talk and when I got accepted here they were proud of me. Didn't
know me or my family before I started helping there and they were proud of me. And in that moment, that split
moment, I was so ashamed, of something I know I didn't even do. Stupid. I know it's incredibly stupid. I should have
forced, forced air up through my throat, over my tongue to say, to say: there is no maybe, I did everything everyone
else did to be here. I am not saying I deserve anything more, I am saying I have a name. I am asking someone to
remember my name not look me in the eye and smile and, and, and, erase, erase what I am... I, I Have A Voice.
Stop and frisk. How about duck and cover? I'm five years old, I'm five years old and I'm in the backseat of my mom's
car and I'm playing with this airplane, this white, like this space shuttle, tiny, cast iron, got NASA on the side, and I
make this space shuttle twist and turn and twist and turn and I don't pay attention, I twist and twist and when my mom
stops the car bam, that seat belt, that damn seat belt is twisted around my five-year-old self and I can't get loose and
she's got her bag from work and my sister's backpack and my lunchbox and she's pulling and it's getting tighter and
tighter and my dad's like let me cut it, I'm gonna cut it and my mom's like call 911 and my dad's like hell no but my
mom is like now, call it now and he does and they come and they cut me out and my parents breathe for the first time
Baltimore Bryant Male African American Kirsten Greenidge Playscripts Drama
in 20 minutes right and they're about to say thank you, officers, thank you, thank you and one cop is nice, pats my
head, pats my dad's back, but the other one, his buddy, just lays into my mom and dad, in front of me, just lays into
them like it's all their fault and I want to say it was me flying, it was me soaring, it was me, it was me and my parents
who were, who are, everything, everything, to me, to my sister and me, they just stood there, they just took it, they did
not move, they did not blink and just like that I knew why, I knew, I saw, how that cop saw them, how that cop saw all
four of us... I'll know I'm grown, really grown, have power, when I control how I feel, what I feel, when I feel it. That is
power. That is all I want. I don't think that is very much to ask, actually.
Actually, she is, she is my grandmother. The way my moms tell it Grammie Lin May was the only one– 'cause we're
from Raleigh, well, Apex, and it's not like the South, it's not at all like the deep, I mean you have to drive a bit to get to
farm people but once you do, you... And their families, my mom's family, on the Mead side, they're pretty well known,
and when my mom came out. Gram was the only one. I mean Christmas and Easter and all my birthdays, every
single one of my birthdays, my christening, my confirmation: my gram was there for all of those. They all three met at
church and Gram took care of them and we were a family. Gram stepped into a role, a choice. Which means
Baltimore Carson everything to me. I don't think I could do that. I know I can't do that. I just think of doing that, and I get tired. My major, Male White Kirsten Greenidge Playscripts Drama
the crush I have on my Earth Science lab partner: I don't step forward into anything. So Grammie Lin May means
everything to me because she didn't have to take two lesbians under her wing in Apex, North Carolina who probably,
who, I don't know maybe were taught not even to see her, to really see someone like Grammie Lin May, I know that:
she did not have to do that at all. But she saw them. She stepped into them. She is my grandmother. And she does
make amazing Chinese food and sweet tea and barbecue. I am not like Fiona but Leigh, bless her heart, is wrong
she is so wrong I do not see color.
On the contrary, Miss Wilson, history defines everything. It outlines, it highlights, it labels: everything. It is the alpha
and the omega– We do not need to agree, of course, we do not need to agree, but we do need to acknowledge, we
do need to admit that what is in that picture is soaked through in history, it is soaked through with a message that is
Dean
Baltimore now splattered all over that girl and that picture did not just appear there, Miss Wilson, someone, some one person Male African American Kirsten Greenidge Playscripts Drama
Hernandez
thought it and drew it and whether she understands it or not, history has leaked out and made messes all over the
place whether you like it or not. You can choose to believe in the tooth fairy, Miss Wilson. You cannot choose
whether or not to believe in history. You have the ability to reshape all this mess. You, indeed, own it.
Eighth-grade summer, I was washing cars for cheer. I was washing cars for cheer and this car pulls up and it's like
one of those old station wagons, huge way-back part, wide as two lanes of the street. And this car, right, it's got this
huuuuuge billboard strapped to its roof, right? And painted on the billboard, like real handwritten paint was, "Impeach
Obama." And you know, we all, see my neighborhood's, my town is like all black, right? All black people living in the
same place for years. It's a historic place. People are proud to come from there. We give house tours at Christmas.
Growing up there made me proud to be black. I can't pull out family trees or heirlooms or any of that stuff - how many
black families really can? - but my neighborhood makes me fly above all that. But this dude just rolled on into our car
Baltimore Leigh wash, with all of us whose parents and grandparents made lives for themselves here, who fought for what power they Female African American Kirsten Greenidge Playscripts Drama
ended up having, for knowing, whether they agree with Obama or not - I mean, my grandfather hates Obama, but he
understands what is presidency means to our neighborhood - it was, I just thought: This is straight-up racist and what
makes it, what makes this dude think is funny that this is some kind of joke, is we're black girls, the lowest rung of the
ladder to him. everywhere in the world just about - and that allows him to pull up and expect us to wash the dirt from
his car and "yes sir" him with that sign poking up off his roof with him thinking that Obama sign is a joke. We thought
we'd get in trouble, heaps of trouble if we said anything. So we didn't say a word. We washed that dude's car like it
was 1955. Like it was 1855.
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
I hate that caf. I fought so hard in high school just to be me and now, here, I have to– I had this teacher, senior year,
everything I did. One day I had this orange, I was about to eat this orange, my nail is about to slice into this orange
and she yells out "Rachel, this is not the time to eat" and my face gets hot, although I should have been used to it by
then because she was always yelling at me, but, so, I put my orange away but she does not stop, she pulls out her
lunch bag and says, "This is real food, Rachel!" and she pulls out crackers and I'm like what the? And she keeps
going "This is a sandwich" and I think, okay, she is having one of those moments teachers do when they go off and
lose it and I get quiet, and the two white girls eating Chips Ahoy in the back keep eating their food and I let it go
because that's what my mother and father would want me to do, don't make waves, definitely don't act too Spanish,
Baltimore Rachel and it's not until the end of the year... I got into here, and this other girl, Mary Ellen Peterson, got rejected from Female Latina Kirsten Greenidge Playscripts Drama
Brown, and she's mouthing off about it during class and saying it's because of students like me she didn't get in,
meaning minority students, and that's why, because of quotas and affirmative action, and I could see this teacher
suddenly see, that for the entire time she'd been talking to me a certain way and the other students were, were, but
the one thing that was not wrong with me, that she could not deny, was my grades, I got As, and so she could not,
Mary Ellen could not say these things, and she stopped her, and she said, "Mary Ellen, Rachel is not the reason why
you did not get into Brown." And it was the first time she saw me, saw the classroom we'd all been sitting in, that
she'd created, oranges and sandwiches – all of it – all year. I still would not trust her as far as I could throw her, but I
will never forget seeing her see that for herself. As her.
Just admit there are some things you do not know, and listen. I wouldn't call it a scale. But, like people, you know,
pick up on it. I introduce people to my mom and my dad and they look at them and they look at me and my last
name's not Spanish but my mom's like basically Sofia Vergara after like six kids and a deep deep love of Wendy's
chocolate Frostys– People see my family and they have no idea where I fall on the Latina scale. Half the time they
Baltimore Rachel Female Latina Kirsten Greenidge Playscripts Drama
are calling me Hispanic– which is like whatever sometimes my own family says they're Hispanic– but I am like: am I
from Spain? I am Latina. Go read a Buzzfeed about it or something but do not call me Hispanic because I am not
from Spain. Me? I have my priorities sharpened like a knife. I decide what these people can call me. I'm no cartoon to
be laughed at. I learned that in high school. You can't serve yourself up to let other people define you.
It's me. It's all my fault. All of this– I came here to help put people back together. My major? Sports medicine? That's
all I came here for. I didn't want to get messy. Keeping ice packs cold, putting clean towels by the whirlpool. Last
year, that was my job. But I got fired. See there was this player, a five-year player. Fills up a seat on the bench so the
team is deep, but is a little too small or too slow or too dumb to really play and he'd busted his knee in a practice and
was out, kaput, done. I got to know him when he'd stand in the whirlpool for the heat. I'm just here to play ball, he'd
say, I'm going to get better and play more ball. Never a star, always a team player, and my job was to record his
progress and my boss was all over me to get it all down so they could kick him off the team, but football was his life,
he'd been playing since he was five years old. A few scribbles on my sheets and it was all going to end. So I... I didn't
Baltimore Shelby Female African American Kirsten Greenidge Playscripts Drama
take down everything the way I should've. I let myself get messy. I let myself get messy because that kid is the only
other black kid in my year. Because before I worked at Sherman I did not cause trouble, I did not draw attention to
myself. In my family, you do not let anyone see the parts of you that are different. But I sat with that ball player and I
know, I know I saw him and he saw me and I wasn't going to let this school – this place that just a few years ago
wouldn't've let us in if we'd paid it – I was not going to let them kick him out, I wasn't going to let them erase him. I
kept that kid on that team until my boss found out and: no more job. Big hole on my resume. My parents, my mom
was pissed. Your story, becoming editor, was supposed to fill it up. But I do not like muck and mess. It's much easier
to keep your nose clean.
Oh my God I can not. You know why? Because I am a sports medicine major. I am not, I do not. We are post-racial,
people, we are post-racial I should not be dealing with this crazy I should be taking multiple choice tests tests about
bones and blood and tissue and sinew. Kill each other, go on and rip each other to shreds I do not care: I DO NOT
CARE. You're behaving like animals, like, like, you're trying to rise up and above but instead you're just biting and
Baltimore Shelby Female African American Kirsten Greenidge Playscripts Drama
clawing each other and this is exactly what, this is exactly what... race is a distraction, it is, it is this made up think that
you all are letting distract you from, from. There is so much other stuff, real stuff, I mean these labels are not, are not
none of this is real it is silly, it is stupid, it is as-i-NINE to get stuck, to get stuck, to get to be you are all just stuck on
this idea and it is, it is. I am so tired.
You and my parents' generation were supposed to bring the change up in here. I hear "shut it down" and I don't even
know what that means. Shut what down? Go back to living in tents and mud huts? Mike Brown, Trayvon, Tamir Rice,
Freddie Gray, Sandra Bland– Those are sad stories. They are terrible things. I know the history. I don't own it. I'm not
the one who did those things and I'm not the one who should– My history is Power Rangers and SpongeBob. My
Baltimore Shelby worldview is a bunch of memes I cut and pasted together. My history will be, when I look back: why sit and talk to Female African American Kirsten Greenidge Playscripts Drama
someone when I can just look it up and know the answer for myself by myself. My generation is going to evade
history. I think we are going to do that and there's nothing you and my parents can do about it and you have no
answers to that and you all can't stand that. You're asking us to answer old dead questions. The world we're going to
live in does not even exist yet.
Books're tricky ... tricky things. Used to keep mine in the kitchen. "I know this one," my mom says one time. Got all
excited. Went through all the pages. Got all –. Probably could barely read it back in the day, and she sure as hell
can't really now –. I stood there listening, her fingers tracin' over the type. Her voice searching. I don't leave no books
out no more. Made me feel –. She looked up once she realize she could barely read it, her eyes nearly –. Her lookin'
Concord
Milk Like Sugar Annie at me like that I felt like my whole chest just sitting there open, like she could see something in me don't smell right to Female African American Kirsten Greenidge Drama
Theatricals, Inc
her. Couldn't tell what – .... She stood there. Stood there. Then she shut that book quick. She pretty much always got
house stuff for me to do after that. She think it time for homework, all sudden it time for the pine-sol. Shoot. That
better than seeing her with that book. Try not to bring up nothing like that ever now. I hear her talk about that stuff
and I can't even –.
Everyone around us want Jordan's right? But I think. I think maybe our feet ain't meant to wear Jordans. Like what if
our feet meant to wear slippers of white satin, right? Every spring? My daddy and me go to this special father-
daughter dance where he pledge his fatherly devotion to me. It's the, the bomb, right? He wears his best suit and I Concord
Milk Like Sugar Keera Female African American Kirsten Greenidge Drama
wear a ball gown right? And white satin slippers. Cause maybe we never meant to wear no sneakers. No sneakers at Theatricals, Inc
all ever cause they kinda evil. How a sneaker fill your soul? Maybe our hearts is so pure Jordan's burn our feet, right?
You got to think of yourself like that. A pure heart. To be protected.
Sound like there ain't a lot of family purity going on in your house, if you ask me. My house? Dinner at six every night.
On the dot. Whole meal with each kind of food you supposed to have laid out for us all to share. First thing I think
Concord
Milk Like Sugar Keera when I hear about those strollers, first question I ask myself was, I asked myself, "Keera?" and myself say, ''Yes?" Female African American Kirsten Greenidge Drama
Theatricals, Inc
And I say, "Keera, when the last time those girls eat good foods with they family like you do?" And myself say,
"Probably been a long time, Keera, probably been a long, long time."
Nah, nah. I don't like those people up in that plane laughing at me. Cause the way I imagine it, they see me from my
window. They see into my window, they see the paint curling off the walls, they see my mom ain't done the washing
in weeks, they see there ain't more than two packages macaroni and cheese in the cupboard. They see that and they
mouths crimp up into smiles and I wanna crush those smiles. 'Cause all they see is some bone head baby daddy Concord
Milk Like Sugar Malik Male African American Kirsten Greenidge Drama
don't know enough to use a rubber and end up stuck - paint curling, milk like sugar on the shelf. I do this like you Theatricals, Inc
want I be stuck forever with them laughing at me. Make my skin burn. You think about that? People like them folks in
that plane up there? Laughing down at you like that? You and Talisha and all y'all can rot in this place but I won't.
Thought you wouldn't want to, either.
No parent should have to bury a child… No mother should have to bury a son. Mothers are not meant to bury sons. It
is not in the natural order of things. I buried my son. In a potter’s field. In a field of Blood. In empty, acrid silence.
There was no funeral. There were no mourners. His friends all absent. His father dead. His sisters refusing to attend.
I discovered his body alone, I dug his grave alone, I placed him in a hole, and covered him with dirt and rock alone. I
was not able to finish burying him before sundown, and I'm not sure if that affected his fate… I begrudge God none of
this. I do not curse him or bemoan my lot. And though my heart keeps beating only to keep breaking – I do not
question why. I remember the morning my son was born as if it was yesterday. The moment the midwife placed him
The Last Days of Henrietta
in my arms, I was infused with a love beyond all measure and understanding. I remember holding my son, and Female Stephen Adley Guirgis Dramatists 1 1 Drama
Judas Iscariot Iscariot
looking over at my own mother and saying, “Now I understand why the Sun comes up at day and the stars come out
at night. I understand why rain falls gently. Now I understand, mother….” I loved my son every day of his life and I will
love him ferociously long after I've stopped breathing. I am a simple woman. I am not bright or learned. I do not read.
I do not write. My opinions are not solicited. My voice is not important. … On the day of my son’s birth I was infused
with a love beyond all measure and understanding … the world tells me that God is in heaven and that my son is in
hell. I tell the world the one true thing I know: If my son is in hell, then there is no heaven – because if my son sits in
hell, there is no God.
You wanna know what I really think, Mr. Pilate? I think this whole story about you hemming and hawing about what to
do with Jesus is just a load of made-up crap written by Jewish Christian evangelists seeking to broaden the appeal of
the Jesus story to the Roman Empire. There is nothing that we know about you, Mr. Pilate – absolutely nothing – that
suggests for even a second that you would have even a passing hesitation about putting any Jew to death – let alone
a revolutionary figure like Jesus who was being proclaimed the Messiah, who had entered the city of Jerusalem to
crowds of cheering supporters, and who had the very next day incited a riot at the Temple. You hated your
assignment, you hated Judea, and, Mr. Pilate, you hated Jews. Hated them. You hated the Jews because they
contested you. You hated them because they fought back. You hated them because they clung to their religious
The Last Days of
Cunningham beliefs and were willing to die for them. But most of all, I think you hated them because you knew they were stronger Female Stephen Adley Guirgis Dramatists Drama
Judas Iscariot
than you. I think that bothered you a great deal. I think, Mr. Pilate, that it made you resentful and vengeful and
furious. I think it made you feel small and inadequate. I think it gave you skin irritations and nervous tics. I think it kept
you up nights and made you count the days until you could return to the safe, bourgeois comfort of Rome. That’s
what I think. I think you're hiding behind historical inaccuracies and outright lies, Mr. Pilate. I think that you're a liar
and a fraud. I think that when Jesus was put before you, you did not see a god or a prophet, you did not see a lunatic
or an innocent, you didn't even see a human being. I think, Mr. Pilate, that what you saw before you that morning was
just one more Jew, and you didn't hesitate. Why would you? … You didn't wash your hands, Pontius Pilate – History
did that for you. isn't that true?
My name is Matthew. I was a Jewish tax collector for the Empire. My job was to take the food out of your mouth and
see it shipped off to Rome. Roman tax was exorbitant and non-negotiable. If you had six geese, I took three. If you
had a flock of sheep, I took fifty percent. If you had only one sheep, I cut that sheep in half. If you had no sheep, I
took a child – your child – and had him or her sold into slavery to settle your debt to the Emperor. This is not a made-
The Last Days of
Matthew up story. This is history. This is fact. We were a conquered nation and I was a traitor to my people. I was a Jew Male Stephen Adley Guirgis Dramatists Drama
Judas Iscariot
stealing from Jews. According to our laws, I was a sinner and a traitor; I was unclean – unfit to be gazed upon. That’s
who I was. I was a scumbag, and it was against the law to look me in the eye. Jesus, he looked me in my eye. That’s
all he did. He looked me in my eye and he said, “Follow me.” And before I knew it, I had. And before we broke bread
that night, I was clean again… I was clean.
My name is Peter. They got a basilica named after me in Rome, which is ironic, cuz, back in the day, if you even said
the word “Rome” in my presence – more than likely I'd beat you with a stick. I even had a standing rule on my fishing
boat that was strictly enforced, “Talk about Rome, and you can swim home alone.” I had to have those kinda rules
laid down strong cuz my younger brother Drew and his friends – they liked to waste their time talkin’ about
overthrowing Rome and the coming of the Messiah instead a focusing on the task at hand – and I'd always be like,
“Look fellas, unless your messiah gonna come down right now and help us catch some fish, then, y’all need to shut
the heck up and put your undivided attention on these nets.” Then, one day, Drew didn't turn up for work, then he
The Last Days of come runnin’ up to me at the shore at the end of the day when I'm bringin’ the boat back talkin’ ‘bout, “This Jesus, bro
Peter Male Stephen Adley Guirgis Dramatists Drama
Judas Iscariot – he’s the Messiah. I ain't fishin’ no more. I'm just gonna follow him” … and this Jesus, who resembled a messiah
about as much as I resemble a ballerina in a tutu, strides on up to me and says, “Catch any fish today?” And I says,
“No I did not catch any fish today,” and he says, “Take the boat back out to the Sea and you gonna catch some fish.”
So, I took Jesus out with me – intending to throw him overboard – but then he says; “Cast your nets wide and deep”
so I did, and then … well … All I can say is I'm a professional commercial fisherman. No one knew the Sea and its
tides better than me. There weren't no fish out there … but … that’s because they was all in my net. And then Jesus
said; “Follow me and I will make you a fisher of men.” And what I did not know then was that I would never see the
sea again.
Don't tell me what I know. I saw you put the brush down, I know. I saw my husband very nearly stop his heart to put
that brush down and stop painting and lock this room. So. You want to throw all that at the world? All that rage? Fine.
Bauer Louise Female Lauren Gunderson Dramatists Drama
But I'm in the world, too, and all of it hits me first. And I can take it, I always have. But you can't. Not for much longer.
And that I will not stand for. So you will breathe and remember me and we will survive this.
Madam Marquise, Though you somehow found yourself published on the topic of Force Vive, you rush to judgment
Emilie: The like any woman confronted with ideas beyond her skill. My dear, you simply did not understand my mathematics, nor
Gentleman
Marquise de did you properly read my own writing as you misquote me throughout. I would be happy to guide you through my Concord
(Secretary Male Lauren Gunderson 2 1 Drama
Chatêlet Defends reasoning, if you would permit me at your little Leibniz academy in the fields. But as my equations prove there is no Theatricals, Inc
Mairan)
Her Life Tonight need to square force: Newton is right, Leibniz is wrong, and you, my dear, are out of your element. All you need to
do, Madam, is to read, and reread, and perhaps you could bring us something worth our time.
I just... Like I can't even have fun. Like fun is hard. What's the point? With all the doctors and hospitals and stuff.
Everybody is trying to make things "upbeat" and "positive" and it's like I'm not an idiot I get what you're doing and it's
just making it worse. And my mom – ugh – she worries – well, her support group worries, and boy does she support
I and You Caroline Female White Lauren Gunderson Playscripts 3 Drama
that group – anyway – she worries that I'm not being a teenager and that's gonna mess me up and I'm like – Mom,
I'm already messed up – and then she says I'm being dark and I'm like – Mom, I'm naturally dark – and she hates that
and I say – well you're not the one that's going to die first. And that kinda stops the interaction.
Yeah it just happens like that sometimes. I get tired and... so mad... at everything. And thanks for not calling my
mom, she goes crazy but it always passes, it's just... all this bull in my life right now. And it pretty much sucks the fun
out of the world and poisons everything and I hate it. It's like bad follows bad. I mean... that there's a reason why the
I and You Caroline stupid fire alarm kept going off and it's because my dad isn't here, and the reason for that is my mom and dad are Female White Lauren Gunderson Playscripts 3 Drama
separating, and the reason for that is kinda... me. I know it's not me me, but it's all my stuff. And it ruins everything.
So that's one of the many super discoveries of the past few months: nothing is good ever. So yeah. And the house
falls apart and my mom cries about everything, and... you know what? My soap opera is not your problem. Sorry.
So. This is my room, this is my phone, I've been sick pretty much ever since I was born. That’s me. Yawp. They tried
a ton of stuff and now we're at the point where I just need a new thing. So I wait. But I'm a pretty good candidate
because I'm young and I came by this crap honestly. (It’s genetic - yay!). Anyway “livers are a robust organ” so it’s
not as sketchy as it can be, but the whole process is kinda crazy, so my life is kinda crazy, so I'm kinda crazy. Like
I and You Caroline Female White Lauren Gunderson Playscripts Drama
I've always been kinda sick but not you-can't-go-to-school sick, which sucks like so much. I mean, I'm a senior. I have
crucial things to do and then, out of the blue, my house is like this crappy clinic and my mom is on constant red alert
and everything is so weird now. Even the crap people post on my Facebook is weird - like it’s suddenly full of kittens
and winky faces and, “We miss you, girl!” and that is NOT my style. So. You wanted to know. Now you know.
You don't think this might be the time to put the work down. I just wonder why you exceed expectations in everything
except this family. Even so, Daddy is so proud. You think he isn't. You think he resents your “great escape,” and
Margaret because you never wrote or came home, you wouldn't know. You also wouldn't know that I made you up for him. I
Silent Sky Female Lauren Gunderson Dramatists Drama
Leavitt wrote letters for you, “from you,” brought them in the house every week - So happy - thrilled! - Read them to the
whole family - “Look what we got from Henrietta today!” “Oh Daddy, she says hello, she says she loves you, thank
you.” On and on. Such a comforting fiction. I had to. I did. So that you could have a home to come back to.
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
To do? No. NoNoNo. To be, or not to be, that is the question: Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and
arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them: to die, to sleep
no more-- (Switching to Macbeth) “Sleep no more! Macbeth does murder sleep,” the innocent sleep, (Switching to
Richard III in an instant) Let not our babbling dreams affright our souls-- Conscience is but a word that cowards use--
Richard (Then Caesar.) Cowards may die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once. (Then
The Book of Will Male Lauren Gunderson Dramatists 1 2 Drama
Burbage Henry V.) Once more into the breach, dear friends, once more! Or close the wall up with our English dead-- (Then
Richard II.) this England, this nurse, this teeming womb of royal kings, Fear’d by their breed and famous by their birth,
(then Lear.) When we are born, we cry that we are come to this great stage of fools. (Last, to Midsummer--) Lord…
what fools these mortals be. (And Burbage is done.) Now. If you taint my good friend’s name with another one of your
specious displays, the King’s Men will put down the props and pick up the real swords. Exit, Burbage. (And he does.)
No we don't! Listen to yourself! Was it reasonable to start a theatre troupe in the first place? Was it reasonable to hire
a no-name poet who wouldn't write a play the same way twice? Was it reasonable to build the Globe the first time
much less to tear it down, carry it across the Thames in the middle of the night log by log, and build it again just to
The Book of Will Henry Condell Male Lauren Gunderson Dramatists 1 6 Drama
avoid rent? No! There is no reason in losing those plays, there is only erosion. And erosion you can stop. If you act
fast. Now. I have to go on in one of the few full scripts of Will’s we have left. After that I'm going to Saint Paul’s to buy
every pirated play by William Shakespeare I can find so that I can get to work. Join me or don't, but I'm doing this.
How much of that work is there without your friend's Hamlet? Dear old Smethwick owns it and Romeo and Juliet,
gave me the rights to both. What about Much Ado? That's Aspley's title, already on board. The Richards, the Henrys,
crowd favorites and all mine. And who will buy your collection without them. I wouldn't. Let me be frank: I know you
The Book of Will Jaggard don't have the funds to do this. I do. I know you don't have the means to print. I do. You don't have the rights to all the Male Lauren Gunderson Dramatists 1 9 Drama
plays, but I have already brought together a syndicate of owners to invest in this folio's production. Suddenly you
have money, rights, texts, presses, and nothing in your way but... and old blind man asking to be friends. So. Is there
a deal to be made, gentlemen?
I said to feel again. That's the miracle of it. The fairies aren't real but the feeling is. And it comes to us here, player
and groundling alike, again and again here. Your favorite story just ended? Come back tomorrow, we'll play it again.
Don't like the story you're in? A different one starts in an hour. Come here, come again, feel here, feel again. History
walks here, love is lived here, loss is met and wept for and understood and survived here and not the first time but
The Book of Will Henry Condell every time. We play love's first look and life's last here every day. And you will see yourself in it, or your fear, or your Male Lauren Gunderson Dramatists 2 1 Drama
future before the play's end. And you will test your heart against trouble and joy, and every time you'll feel a flicker or
a fountain of feeling that reminds you that yes, you are yet living. And that is more than God gives you in his ample
silence. And then it ends. And we players stand up. And we look at the gathered crowd. And we bow. Because the
story was told well enough, and it's time for another. Mourn her, honor her, but do not join her yet.
When my first boy died, only months old, I couldn't imagine a loving God that would have any part in such a thing.
And I told Him so in my prayers, silent because I know I'd be the one in the ground if anyone heard what I thought of
God and His taking and taking and taking. Then I realized the great weight of every grieving father's prayers that
The Book of Will Henry Condell Male Lauren Gunderson Dramatists 2 1 Drama
must hit God every night, and must sound so much like my own. Sons who lost fathers, husbands without wives,
mothers - Oh God the mothers. All that grief on God's ear constantly. Then I felt bad for God. Which made me laugh.
Which made me feel alive again. Funny how that worked out didn't it.
Why do we bother? With stories. Dramas. Especially the dramas. Isn't that ridiculous? Grown men dressing up as
kings and, even more ridiculously, queens. And the people come to see it. And they laugh. But they also weep. They
weep with us. Why do they do it? Real life keeps going on and on, and the villains aren't caught and the endings
aren't right, and it's rough seas and dark days and we sit here in this barn playing fictions for willing dreamers. We tell
it over and over again. And I sit through it and it's false and it's hot air and I need it. When I have nothing left to say I
need it. When I hurt so much I can't breathe, when I've got a horse for a heart and it won't stop running and pounding
The Book of Will John Heminges Male Lauren Gunderson Dramatists 2 1 Drama
and running me down, I need it... Am I godless? I look to fairies and false kings instead of holy people. Does that
heathen make? I cannot breathe without her, I cannot breathe at home or in the street or in the yard where she lies
now, I cannot breathe in this world but here. Here I am come. And I am lulled into meaning. And that is greatest
fiction of all. Meaning anything. And God and His angels mock us every ending we play but the tragic ones, for if they
aren't tragedies yet, they will soon enough be. Story's a forged life. Life's a tempest of loss. Why do we bother with
any of it? I feel enough.
I cannot take it. I cannot and will not. I cannot do it, men. Do grown men weep in public if they be well? I have been
drunk for three days straight, and without drink I will not last a fourth. William. Bloody. Shakespeare. God help me,
here I go again. I started your lines -- some tepid praise, some “good man, good words, hey nonny nonny.” Then I
said, let me read a play or two to remind myself. I set out at midnight, drag Crane from bed, “show me Shakespeare!”
The Book of Will Ben Johnson And I read everything. That man. Hamlet, Lear, Romeo and What’s-Her-Name. I'd only ever heard the plays, seen Male Lauren Gunderson Dramatists 2 6 Drama
them, never… been alone with them. And there I was. And there they were, these pinnacles of story, these peaks of
heart, and I hate heart! They way he grows in the writing too. As a man himself. But even yount the wisdom he put
down. How did he know those things so young? How could he? God help me. I started drinking and haven't stopped
since.
Wait. They think I'm crazy? Because Joan of Arc was kind of crazy. I'm not crazy, I'm fed up. I had to kill him, it was a
civic duty... that felt awesome! I mean the feel of it? Of righteous vengeance is just...floral, like a blooming of power
and rightness and — it’s what sex must feel like. The way that man looked at me with my knife in his chest. I was this
Charlotte close to him, his breath on my lips, leaning into him, and I said — I actually said this — “You. Die. Now.” But that’s not Comedy /
The Revolutionists Female Lauren Gunderson Dramatists
Corday crazy that’s...just very literal. Did I tell you some guy’s painting my portrait? That’s kinda cool. Wait till Jacques sees Drama
that. And people are reading my letter? The last line might have been a bit much but I didn't have Olympe’s help.
Well. My trial is tomorrow. It'd be nice to see a familiar face. I am preparing my Steely Look of Unwavering Calm, but I
may need a high-five before I go onstage.
Well don't say it like that. Not in that “you're a killer!” kind of way. Marat is a sick, fundamentalist, political pundit who
has caused the deaths of thousands of innocent people with no tool as brave as a sword, no, he uses words. So
Charlotte really, I'm an editor. You don't seem to get that I am on a deadline. That is not a pun but it could be. And I'm sure this Comedy /
The Revolutionists Female Lauren Gunderson Dramatists
Corday performing art we're in the middle of is lovely but not lovelier than justifiable homicide, and I'm not sure if this is the Drama
play or if we're still in the prologue, because plays are only for rich people and chandeliers and I'm on a damn mission
to maim, so if we're not actively avenging, can we get to the pointy point?
My husband died for this and you tell me that “this isn't winnable”? It’s just a game and he lost? NO. No– It can be
Marianne won, and it will be won, because people like him died for something real, unlike you and your damn stories that you Black (French Comedy /
The Revolutionists Female Lauren Gunderson Dramatists
Angelle abandon just when it’s your time to stand for something. They killed him like he was theirs to throw away as they Caribbean) Drama
pleased, but he was mine. He was mine first.
No one cares about your stupid play. Fiction doesn't matter if you're only using it to hide from reality - our reality - this
reality, the one where your friends need you and are dying alone and you're trying to get your lines right. There’s
nothing to save if you don't stand for anything. No. No more of this running and dodging. If you destroy the writing you
Marianne Black (French Comedy /
The Revolutionists destroy Charlotte and Marie and me. You destroy me. Because no one writes me down. But I thought you were. Female Lauren Gunderson Dramatists
Angelle Caribbean) Drama
Sisterhood of heroes. Bull. If you burn this story then you burn everything we've fought for, everything that’s
happened, every single person that has thrown their life into this will be as blank and mute as the paper you can't
seem to fill.
You're always saying, saying, saying and you never listen. Because this is all about you. Because you cannot feel
anything unless it’s staged. Well I'm gonna blow your mind here and tell you that this might not be your story in the
end. Yes – the lady who has the time to sit down and write her little skits might not be the hero of the French
Revolution. You are failing us because you're not writing what’s real. The real world, the world you say you want to
change, is too much to bear and you run. You run. You are allowed the privilege of telling stories, of naming yourself
Marianne but here you tremble, afraid of your own power. Maybe that’s why your writing doesn't mean anything. You went to Black (French Comedy /
The Revolutionists Female Lauren Gunderson Dramatists
Angelle the National Assembly and told them what you thought they could handle. It didn't work. Now you're cowering in the Caribbean) Drama
shadows, abandoning your friends. Where is my pamphlet, my declaration, huh? You write half a play for Marie-
Antoinette because she’s easy to stage. Where are my words, Olympe? Or am I one of those breathless puppets to
which you so often resort. I'm waiting for you to realize that you can't write the world if you're not in it. You can't
change it if you can't see it. And you can't be a hero if you're too scared to show up. Or is this all just another drama
You'll never finish?
Isn't it funny when they start talking alike – father and son? I just think it’s so funny. They sneeze the same. They say
“spoon” the same. Hilarious. And now sad. I mean. He was a lumpy man, but he had good moments. I didn't dislike
him. In fact I liked him, when he would just stand there looking serious. He was best when he was just… standing.
We met on our wedding day. I wasn't supposed to marry him, you know. But all the rest of my sisters had smallpox so
Marie it fell to me. Which was fine. I mean the finery was exquisite. Everything else was a bit strained. You know we didn't White (Austrian, Comedy /
The Revolutionists Female Lauren Gunderson Dramatists
Antoinette consummate the damn thing for three years? Can you imagine? The tension? And the whole country blames me! Queen of France) Drama
And I'm like “nuh uh! I'm totally down! He’s the one who–” Turns out? He had to have an operation on his Little Prince
before he could– Yeah. So that was anti-hilarious. Then finally little Marie-Thérese came along, then little Louis-
Joseph, then little Louis-Charles, then little Sophie, poor dear. Then they killed him. In the square that used to be
named after his grandfather. The rest is… I talk too much. What about your husband?
Marie enters! Is she late? Or lost? What were they talking about? Was it her? It’s always her. Or is she being her
again? It’s a confusing time. Hello. Marie... Antoinette. isn't it exciting I’mSoFamous. I am so real! Sigh. Sometimes I
say it instead of doing it. It used to be so good to be real. Or did they always hate her? Did she mention her general
Marie White (Austrian, Comedy /
The Revolutionists confusion about this? She has no idea what’s coming next, except that one day she woke up in a palace and went to Female Lauren Gunderson Dramatists
Antoinette Queen of France) Drama
sleep in a prison — not exactly prison — it was one of their lesser bedrooms — with gunmen outside and no dessert!
The fear in her children’s fancy eyes, trying to explain it to the dogs. The pressure, the amount of sudden exposition.
It’s all too much for Marie!
Ok, I had no choice in becoming royalty, it was thrown at me. And by that I mean a mountain of free stuff and
undeserved compliments. What would you do? You'd take them. They're free. But just to be very clear, I did not say
that bit about the cake. That was out of context. I thought I was ordering lunch. All lunch comes with cake. (Sincere.) I
know what most people think of me. It's not very nice. And I deserve... some of it. And I have a feeling I might die
Marie White (Austrian, Comedy /
The Revolutionists sooner than later, but I would very much like Later to know that I was a real person. Who bled and gave birth in a Female Lauren Gunderson Dramatists
Antoinette Queen of France) Drama
closed room with two hundred people watching so give me a little credit here. I just... I care. I care so much about my
people and my country. I just need better press. You can do that for me, Madame de Gouges. I was hoping that you
would. I would be honored to be in your play. (To Marianne) And to earn your respect. Via meaningful connection...
and minor revisionism.
Give me a gun. You say you want the enemy to die, I can make the enemy disappear, I can do what you want from
the enemy if you just give me a gun, huh? Let me fight. I see what a gun can do - you see des small boys born
yesterday - in charge - why? Because dey have a gun, they body like a stick I can snap in two but it no matter
Eclipsed A Girl because they have a gun. Give me a gun! I am tired of all the talking, I want to fight. You give me chance - I will prove Female Black (Liberian) Danai Gurira Dramatists Drama
to you - I can do it. You think that I am weak - eh? You tink I don't know how to do this - you know you need people
now, dey say de enemy camp is moving north - you need more soldiers going to de front lines before dey take de
supplies camp. See I know all des ting. You tink I don't know how to do it? I can do it.
That's because you are far away from it. When you're closer to the prospect, it becomes much too frightening, and
you must laugh so you don't cry. Playing games keeps one sane, when the stakes involved threaten to drive one
MAD. Isn't it a game? There are rules, strategies, wins, losses - and it is, theoretically, done for pleasure. ... I
shouldn't tell you, but-- ... You know you've met the right match when... A lighting bolt shoots down from teh sky and
Pride and fries you like an egg! You probably decide he's your Perfect Match just after your mamma has finished counting his
Lizzy Female Kate Hamill Dramatists 1 1 Comedy Based on the novel by Jane Austen
Prejudice rich, sickly relatives and your papa has called on his bankers. These things are all arranged above one's head. ...
NOW who's filling her head with nonsense? What novels have you been reading? I have no desire to find out what it
is! One of you will have to marry to save the family from ruin, for I'll none of it. I know myself, Jane. I shall never
marry. For the state is fundamentally flawed, as far as I can see. It is all... too much. I would, however, make a lovely
maiden aunt. So do hurry and make the necessary arrangements with this Mr. Bingley...!
I tell you ladies (Bows.) you young ladies (Bows.) you young gracious ladies of youth and graces (Bows.) ... you lay-
diez. (He loses himself for a second, then pops back up, lectures.) It is a grave duty - to act as tutor of the spirit -
essence... SOUL. But as a clergyman, it is my place to promote - establish - INSPIRE - Chairty - and I have been
sent on this quest - mission - CRUSADE by none other than the most Righteous LADY CATHERINE de BOURGH.
Pride and
Mr. Collins (He pauses. Nobody knows who that is.) LADY. CATHERINE. De BOURGH. (They all make "oh, ah" sounds Male Kate Hamill Dramatists 1 7 Comedy Based on the novel by Jane Austen; "a self-important, squat, sweaty man"
Prejudice
politely.) - I flatter myself that my overtures are meritorious - creditable - COMMENDABLE, and that you will not reject
- refuse - SPURN this proffer-red... olive... brrr-anch. (He finishes with a flourishing bow.) ... To spend even an instant
in the company of my fair cousins, madame, shall be to feel forever gratified - enchanted - (Mary interrupts him:
"Entranced?") Eh-eh-eh. (He holds up a finger to shush her; thinks for a moment:) ENTRANCED!
MY DEAR. - Perhaps you could go - and - collect some nosegays for tonight? - MY DEAR! Nosegays! (Mr. Collins
scampers off; Charlotte turns to Lizzy.) He loves to garden. I encourage him to do so. And walk to Rosings, every
Pride and day. And tend to his parishoners. And- be out, generally. Oh, life is imperfect on this side of the line, too. But when I
Charlotte Female Kate Hamill Dramatists 2 3 Comedy Based on the novel by Jane Austen
Prejudice get overwhelmed or frustrated - I just play a little game. I close my eyes and drift away, and (She demonstrates.) let
whatever is bothering me become mere noise. Like birds chirping, or bells ringing - meaningless; an inoffensive
portion of the scenery. - The house is pretty, isn't it? Yes.
--Bells. Bells. They will never ring if they are made imperfectly, you know. Weak metal, careless manufacture, and
they never shall sound as they should. (He is getting more and more worked up.) But if they are cast of stronger stuff,
of quality -- you ring them once and you can't control the vibration, can you? They just go and go however they will
once they are struck and nothing can stop them! Andwhether theey sound for alarum or benediction, they CANNOT
Pride and BE UNRUNG! They ring and ring until the energy is spent or they CRACK! They ring to demand! Attention must be
Darcy Male Kate Hamill Dramatists 2 4 Comedy Based on the novel by Jane Austen
Prejudice paid!!! Something is happening! Something beyond our control, something arranged over our heads has CHANGED!
IN VAIN I HAVE STRUGGLED! MY FEELINGS WILL NOT BE REPRESSED! YOU MUST ALLOW ME TO TELL
YOU HOW ARDENTLY I ADMIRE AND LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! In spite of all my endeavors - in spite of the
absolute unsuitability of the match and of your family and quite frankly your own conduct - you have ensnared me!
Your mother taught you well; I am yours entirely. Miss Bennet -- you win.
Perhaps Mr. Wickham has told all of Meryton that I deprived him of the living promised by my father. But I daresay he
did not tell what led to his disinheritance? Wickham attempted to seduce my sister. Georgiana was only fourteen
years old, Miss Bennet: a sweet, soft-hearted romantic. An innocent. This is the "agreeable man" you speak of.
Believe what you will. I will speak frankly - as always. I would slander Wickham's name as openly as he does my
own, but for teh sake of Georgiana's reputation. As to your sister: Bingley liked Jane Bennett, I could see that. But
then he likes everybody! And your sister did not seem to invite a serious attachment! She was amiable, but I never
saw evidence that she felt anything more! ... What I did see was an imperfect match, with unreliable and indifferent
Pride and
Darcy players, spurred on mostly by the fortune-hunting machinations of your mother, whose total lack of propriety even you Male Kate Hamill Dramatists 2 4 Comedy Based on the novel by Jane Austen
Prejudice
must acknowledge! The morning we left Meryton - Bingley ddid intend to propose to your sister. I urged him, instead,
to absent himself from the country. I told him that Jane Bennet did not care for him and that he would soon be
trapped in a shameful connection. But had I know that she did, indeed, his affections-- I still would have done the
same! It was a most imperfect match, and I was glad to spare him from it! Towards Bingley I have been kinder than
towards myself - but then I could do nothing. I do not mean to hurt your pride. But I abhor falsehood, and you cannot
expect me to rejoice in teh inferiority of your family! Surely in your life, you have seen the consequences of imprudent
attachemnt. Surely you have seen the misery of a mismatch.
... You are mistaken, Mr. Darcy, if you suppose you ever could have made the offer in any way that would have
tempted me to accept. From almost the first moment of my acquaintance with you, you have been unfailingly
Pride and
Lizzy arrogant, prideful - and disdainful of the feelings of others! Particularly my sister Jane: a sweet, soft-hearted romantic. Female Kate Hamill Dramatists 2 4 Comedy Based on the novel by Jane Austen
Prejudice
An innocent. I have no inclination towards marriage, Mr. Darcy, but even if I did, you are the last man in the world
whom I would ever consider. (He exits.) --what a mess.
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
No, no, no, stop. I DO NOT I DO NOT NEED YOU! IF I COULD feel gratitude for your delcaration, sir, I would thank
you for it! But I have never desired your good opinion! I-- I AM SERIOUS! I ACTUALLY AM! And I am so far from
trying to "ensnare" you, Mr. Darcy, that I have openly decried you as the most uncivil of men! How can I be civil, when
Pride and you tell me that you only like me against your will, your reason, your character! AND I HAVE OTHER
Lizzy Female Kate Hamill Dramatists 2 4 Comedy Based on the novel by Jane Austen
Prejudice PROVOCATIONS! You reproach me for my conduct, but you have acted in a reprehensible manner yourself! Your
treatment of Mr. Wickham! ...HE is an agreeable man! One whom you robbed of his inheritance, over nothing but
your pride! --It is not the only claim laid against you! Had my feelings not already been decided - had they even been
favorable - do you think that I could ever accept the man who has ruined the happiness of a beloved sister?
You seem to me, Seward - to be someone who believes only in his own sense. But you must trust, that I know
firsthand what I speak of, even if it is - outside the realm of your known experience. (She takes a deep breath, then:) I
Dracula, a feminist believe your fiancé is under the control of a supernatural creature. Das Wampir in German, vetalas in Sanskrit;
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revenge fantasy, Van Helsing izcackus in Hungarian. Tales of these beings date back to the Mesopotamians. Narratives vary, but there are stories Female Kate Hammill 1 17 Drama Based loosely on the novel by Bram Stoker
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really. from every culture - consistencies that cannot be overlooked- when the ruling class write histry, the words of the
common people, of women - become superstition, but there is truth in– The unbelievable quickly becomes believable
- if pigheaded men will only listen! I'm warning you, Seward-- watch over her, fool.
STOP! I said, STOP! Before I - I am forced to - lay hands on you! Van Helsing - you will have nothing to do with her
body! And you (to Mina) will stop stop spreading disgusting, salacious slander about her! She will be laid to rest, in
peace; as she lived - an angel, beyond any reproach. Mrs. Harker. Calm down, or I shall have you removed. I am
Dracula, a feminist
now left to order Lucy's affairs. If you do not stop speaking nonsense, I can have you thrown out of this house, and Theatrical Rights
revenge fantasy, Seward Male Kate Hammill 2 1 Drama Based loosely on the novel by Bram Stoker
your husband, too. You are upset - and this woman has taken advantage of your pain and shock and your condition Worldwide
really.
to - to influence you. But I will not hear one more word about - supernatural creaturesa, or moonlit seductions, or
whatever other madness this - huckster has convinced you is true! Now, Van Helsing, shall I call for the constabulary,
or will you leave like a lady?
There are stories, you know - from every culture, every century. In Mesopotamia they've found shards of pottery,
depicting demons drinking the blood of men. Babylonia had Lilitu, the wraith who ate infants. In China, Jiangshi stole
life force; the Cherokee have a legend about Jumlin, the monster who craved flesh;– and just a decade ago in New
England, there was a rash of people digging up grandma's corpose to make sure it stayed buried. On and on and on -
dismissed as the products of overactive imaginations or mass hysteria - there the creatures are: Das wampir.
Vampires. They're just fairy tales? Ghost stories. Old wives' superstition. Modern men dismiss anything they haven't
discovered themselves. For most of history, the majority of people couldn't read or write! Doubly true for women. How
could they pass down widsom but by spoken word? It may get distorted over time, but if you listen to the
Dracula, a feminist
commonalities in the stories- you hear your foremothers, whispering across the years. So, yes, Seward, vampires. Theatrical Rights
revenge fantasy, Van Helsing Female Kate Hammill 2 5 Drama Based loosely on the novel by Bram Stoker
Some of my benighted male colleauges posit that these creatures are a natural evolution of man. In order for that Worldwide
really.
theory to be true, you must accept that to become the most vicious consumer is to become the highest self. But I
have a new theory - a SUPERIOR theory - that vampires are a parasitic species, which has always existed alongside
humanity - feeding off of us, mimicking our behaviors, stealing our bodies - hiding in plain sight. The dangerous
misconception, - is that they're fanged or pale or deformed. That you could identify one at a glance. But the
monsters– look just like us. - I have met one before. But that - my - vamp was young. Newly-made. Lucy's vamp
spoke of an "old country." That means he's moved from pace to place - and they nest for centuries. A vampire of that
age is incredibly strong - he can bend minds; shape dreams; control those in weakend states. He is, truly, a monster
in his prime– and I mean to stop him.
Charming Mrs. Harker. You fragile harmless flower. You delicate little lady. I'm going to rip the child from her womb,
Hunter, and suck the pulp of it before your eyes. Because you must be shown, Van Helsing - that you cannot
overturn thousands of years of tradition. You cannot tear down all of the old ways, alone. (He advances.) Mina, Mina,
Mina. Not my taste - but I'm going to make an exception. (Jonathan, elsewhere, says "N- no." Dracula turns around
Dracula, a feminist and moves towards Jonathan) What? "No?" We discussed that word. All this rebellion, all these senseless new ideas,
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revenge fantasy, Dracula these would-be coups - I am really getting - annoyed. Jonathan - sweetheart - you don't quite understand. Beings like Male Kate Hammill 2 11 Drama Based loosely on the novel by Bram Stoker
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really. myself have shaped mankind since your ancestors' ancestors crawled out of bogs! You cannot deny me; you cannot
resist me; because YOU ARE ME. Even if you struck me down, I would rise! You would resurrect me YOURSELF -
because I am the pinnacle of YOUR EVOLUTION! You may JOIN ME or you may BECOME MEAT, YOU MAY
CONSUME or BE CONSUMED; but you cannot hope to OVERTHROW YOUR OWN NATURE! SOME THINGS -
SHALL NEVER - CHANGE! (He is about to bite- VAN HELSING shouts to MINA) Mi--
"Nishe" ("nice") isn't good enough for a lifetime, dear. A lady of your spotless beauty and matchless charm and
faultless judgment cannot afford to settle. Believe this Harriet - we are grown women, you and I. Ladies poised to
shape our destinies! (warming up to the speech - she might as well get on a podium) And that means we must focus
our precious energies; apply considered thought to our actions - make our own legacies in this uncertain world! We
must always move forward, onward, upward! Forward, onward, upward! Say it with me, Harriet! Forward, onward,
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Emma Emma upward! We cannot accept boys who root around in the dirt, can we? We need to seek out SERIOUS men, don't we‽ Female Kate Hammill 1 2 Comedy Based on the novel by Jane Austen
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We'll want men with prosepcts and position and potential, shan't we! MEN LIKE MR. ELTON! He has a superior mind,
Harriet! A magnificent - soul! And such a passionate nature, thrumming, under that chaste white collar! Why, even
during the wedding - he may have been spouting sanctified words, but his eyes spoke of earthly desires, when
stealing glances at a certian lady. Eh-eh-ehhhhh. Only come again, tomorrow – and it may be arranged! Forward? ...
Forward, onward, upward!
Do sit, Harriet. I have - something - very - difficult to tell you. Better - better - have a biscuit ready, dearest. Harriet, at
last night's - truly terrible party - a deeply regrettable incident occurred. An irrevocable tragedy transpired. A cruical
bridge was burnt, never to be rebuilt! You should be afraid, Harriet - yes, for up is down, down is up, oxen are
clucking and chickens are mooing -- and bloody Frank Churchill - has bloody proposed - to JANE BLOODY
FAIRFAX! (in the darkest hissing tones imaginable) JANE FAIRFAX. It seems that they - they knew each other VERY
well, when she was a governess for the Dixons! Behaved indiscreetly! "CONVERSED" extensively! JANE HAS
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Emma Emma BLOOD IN HER VEINS AFTER ALL!! But Frank was not independent yet, could not marry and did not seem inclined Female Kate Hammill 2 2 Comedy Based on the novel by Jane Austen
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to, and she feared he had an eye for the ladies, which - well-called, Jane, and - and so she broke it off! But he
followed her here, tried to reignite the whole love affair - and they have been having a hidden HEAVING DRAMA,
using every random actor in the country to make each other jealous, until last night, when I was - was having a- a-
discussion with Mr. Knightley, Frank decided to give her the grand gesture on MY STUPID ADVICE, and Jane
accepted instantly despite all his unsteadiness - love does have its own agenda after all - And I was so mistaken in
him, and her, and, and everything - and– Good God, Harriet, I am so sorry!
I am so weary of - Jane Fairfax this, Jane Fairfax that - every waking moment - having her held in front of me, as
some kind of - taunt, for everything I don't have, everything I am not - don't you ever get tired, Miss Bates? Of being
so tiresome? How can you stand there - silly, and smiling, and content with your lot, like some virtuous village idiot?!!
How can you accept working so hard, with nothing ever changing - being headmistress of a ladies' school that doesn't
teach much of anything, except how to be tertiary to one's own life-? Why do you - any of you - teach young women, Theatrical Rights
Emma Emma Female Kate Hammill 2 2 Comedy Based on the novel by Jane Austen
when - when there is no use to be made of us! Why have I been given a mind, only to waste it, wiling my time away in Worldwide
- little unhappy nothings? What is the point of educating a lady - if the most we can aspire to is - is - making
marriages for all our days?! How do you stomach it, Miss Bates? Tell me, because I am heartily sick of creating
misery for myself, just because I cannot help it, just - because I must, I must have something to do, or I shall run
mad!!!!
Oh, Miss Woodhouse - I thought you should be dancing! -- Mother loves to dance; don't you, Mother? MOTHER!
LOVE TO JIG, DON'TCHA? CHA CHA CHA? They do make a handsome couple, don't they? Mother and I have
been plotting, you know. Mr. Knightley admires Jane so openly - everybody remarks up on it - and you are not the
only matchmaker in the country! What would you say to us conspiring - to play Cupid, Miss Woodhouse? Or perhaps Theatrical Rights
Emma Miss Bates Female Kate Hammill 2 2 Comedy Based on the novel by Jane Austen
you feel - that we should not meddle in others' affairs. Ohly Jane deserves, so much, to be happy, and Mr. Knightley Worldwide
too - but I resolve from now on - I should not interfere - I shall try to hold my tongue! (joking holding her tongue) Your
knowr rI ram an reternal talker! - I shall try to stay silent and discreet, Miss Woodhouse. -I shall try to stop chattering /
only... What? What was that, Miss Woodhouse? What did you say?
Emma, how could you speak to Miss Bates so‽? --were Miss Bates prosperous, I could accept this
acknowledgement. But she was not born into brivilege, as you were! She is poor; she has sunk from the conforts she
was born to; and, if nothing changes, she will sink more. Her situation should secure your compassion, not your
contempt! She has known you since you were a child; she has given you a thousand attentions; she has flattered you
far beyond your merits - and what is her thanks? To have you grow up to humble her before all the company!! What
right do YOU have to judge Miss Bates for taking in boarding students, running a - a struggling little school? How can Theatrical Rights
Emma Knightley Male Kate Hammill 2 3 Comedy Based on the novel by Jane Austen
you mock her, for - for trying to do something with her life! What do YOU ever do with your time but - but waste it - on Worldwide
vain nonsense, on flirting with Frank Churchill, on tearing down Miss Fairfax - a superior woman, whom you mostly
resent for being more of USE than you are! Miss Fairfax gets praise for her accomplishments! For her words, not her
social standing! And if you do not receive the same approbation- perhaps it is worth considering that you do not
DESERVE it. That you are not happy because you do not do anything worth being happy about! Prove me wrong,
Emma. Tell me that one single thing that I have said is unmerited.
Are you happy, sir? You seemed to have finally won. Aren't you pleased? Emma was very wrong to take her anger
out upon Miss Bates. I was coming to tell her so. But that does not mean that you are in the right. Consider, George
Knightley - the advantages that YOU were born into. You and my Emma have grown up together - squabbling and
competing and attempting to impress each other all that time - and she has always been your equal. She is capable
of all that you are capable of, but she cannot have an occupation, like Mr. Knightley of Donwell Abbey; she cannot
own property, nor operate in the courts! She is not to have much utility at all! Indeed, she is scarcely to have any Theatrical Rights
Emma Mrs. Weston Female Kate Hammill 2 3 Comedy Based on the novel by Jane Austen
rights at all! A lady who is not allowed real employment, will grasp like a drowning woman for the lifeline of any minor Worldwide
stimulation whatsoever! She eats too much, she over-primps, she engages in silly dramas, she meddles in her
friends' lives! And yes, she takes out her frustrations on others - because she is so desperately bored! Because
within that young woman is potential going to waste. Easy for you to judge her, as she judged Miss Bates! Shame on
Emma, yes! But shame on both of you. (She is about to exit, then:) It may be worth consdiering, sir; why you are so -
consumed with trying to guide Emma's character; with why you are consumed by her, in general.
STOP QUOTING SHAKESPEARE INCORRECTLY! And speaking of - hearts and stars and lvers, you do not LOVE
Mr. Knightley! You are just- infatuated, as you always are, at a moment's notice. In love with the idea of love - as you
were with Mr. Elton - and you never even KNEW Elton, as you don't know Mr. Knightley - you have fancied yourself in
once-in-a-lifetime love three times in a year - The only one you ever really knew or liked was Mr. Martin, and you
threw him over - because of my stupid advice, and you were a fool to listen to me, and I was a fool to councel you! Theatrical Rights
Emma Emma Female Kate Hammill 2 4 Comedy Based on the novel by Jane Austen
You should just ignore - verything I ever said to you, Harriet! You should forget every lesson I ever gave you! You Worldwide
should never listen to my counsel ever again! (Harriet starts to leave - Emma grabs her-) Wait, Harriet, - don't listen to
me, but - but listen to me, but don't listen to me EXCEPT for this ONE LAST TIME - forget about Mr. Knightley!
Forget Knightleys, and Eltons, and Churchills, and snobbery and strategizing and social climbing, and follow your
own inclinations, and leave all the puffery behind!
Why not? You yourself gave me your approval! -you said yourself, Emma, that matches of greater disparity have
taken place! And I do think Mr. Knightley has a preference for me, he always looks at me so consideringly, and treats
me so kindly. And you have also said that anyone should be lucky to have me- that I am beautiful and clever and Theatrical Rights
Emma Harriet Female Kate Hammill 2 4 Comedy Based on the novel by Jane Austen
charming and I can make any man mad with love- So why shouldn't I wish to be a gentleman's wife? Why shouldn't I Worldwide
aim to be mistress of Donwell Abbey? Why should I not set myself at a Knightley? I am sorry that you feel so. But
when the heart is involved, "the shorse shall always run true."
You are right, Emma... that I never should take your words to heart EVER again! I SHALL make up my own mind,
and choose WHOMEVER I WILL, for whatever REASON I LIKE. I must be going now, before you try to fill me up with
your terrible false flattery or - your stale biscuits or your HALFWARM GRUEL! I have my own tastes! And I always Theatrical Rights
Emma Harriet Female Kate Hammill 2 4 Comedy Based on the Novel by Jane Austen
did, though I let myself get - get distracted by your - nonsense, and I SHALL follow my own head now, as - as I Worldwide
should have done from the beginning!!! I will do– whatever I wish to do!!!! I know you think you control everything,
Emma, but you do not control me!!!! Not any more. I bid you farewell- (using every S in this phrase) Miss Woodhouse.
30 years of marriage, you say!!! And yet your ring - and his ring - do not seem - to match! Your ring, Mrs. Drebber, is
tarnished and dull, as one might expect after such a long-standing partnership! But Mr. Drebber's - is shining. As if it
Ms. Holmes & Ms. had been wiped clean! I had this ring examined closely by forensics. Technology, these days! They can sniff out even Theatrical Rights Mystery /
Holmes Female (English) Kate Hammill 1 6 Cheerfully desecrating the stories of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Watson - Apt. 2B the slightest trace of evidence - and they found a fingerprint - smudged upon the inside of Joe Drebber's ring. Can Worldwide Comedy
you guess - whose? Ah- but- this- particular fingerprint - was smudged in blood. Here is your red-headed red-herring -
caught red-handed. LESTRADE, THE DOOR!
Decades and decades I gave that man. Years of cooking his breakfast, ironing his shirts, making his bed - all just so.
Joe wanted his wife to be kept at home! I cut myself off from the world for the love of him - but I always thought that
he coudl see - all that I had given up. I found the texts he sent to her, that - red-headed professional: prices,
negotiations - acts. He didn't even try to hide the phone; thoughtI would never catch on! He was so sure - there were
no surprises left in me! I dressed myself to the nines. Threw on a red wig - knew he'd like that, didn't I - colored
Ms. Holmes & Ms. Theatrical Rights Mystery /
Mrs. Drebber contacts, loads of makeup - called his dispatch for a ride. I feared he'd recognize me right off. But he never did - not Female (English) Kate Hammill 1 6 Cheerfully desecrating the stories of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Watson - Apt. 2B Worldwide Comedy
when I got in the cab - not when I started flirting with him! Not even when I suggested a hotel! He knew right where to
go! How many women - had he taken there?! It was raining, and he carried me into the room - like a - bridegroom
bringing me across the threshold! He laid me on the bed, I looked him straight in the eye, kept thinking any morment
now, surely after all these years... it's me - it's ME, JOE- SEE ME, SEE ME!!!! But all he ever saw was what he
wanted.
It's driving me MAD, Watson! Time after time, criminals are coming up with solutions - far beyond their ken. There's
Ms. Holmes & Ms. something - someone - behind it all. If there's a me, doesn't it follow that there's a counter-me, out there-- taunting, Theatrical Rights Mystery /
Holmes Female (English) Kate Hammill 2 5 Cheerfully desecrating the stories of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Watson - Apt. 2B testing. Why?!! There's a pattern, there's always a pattern - a meaning - somewhere. I've only - got to find it, and I'll Worldwide Comedy
discover my match! Eliminate the impossible, embrace the improbable - but never jump to kittens-
About that. You see the problem is - it's... cheating. Lestrade may be Moriarity - but Moriarty is also Lestrade. Your
dependence on externals - your relance on technology - still renders your work flabby and trite! You claim we are
peers - but no man is my peer! I am an iconoclast, an original, needing no one and nothing but myself! And you're,
Ms. Holmes & Ms. what - some postmodern digital age extortionist? I mean really - hostages, bribery - BLACKMAIL? - It's been done! Theatrical Rights Mystery /
Holmes Female (English) Kate Hammill 2 8 Cheerfully desecrating the stories of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Watson - Apt. 2B You think I want the end of mystery?! The process is the point, man! The joy of the chase, not control of the hunt! But Worldwide Comedy
you never could understand that - for there is no artistic genius in your rotten soul. You're just another petty,
pedestrian, posturing criminal; a ho-hum everyday conman, with nothing original to offer! And certainly no match - for
me!
Underestimation, Holmes - is a dangerous habit. As you've heard, I provide niche services, via the lesser-known
channels of the internet: offering ethically-neutral problem-solving to individuals, organizations, and governments. We
are artists working in the same medium, Holmes. I also trade solutions - for secrets. In dire straits - and strates are so
dire nowadays - folks are willing to give access to extremely private information, in exchange for easy answers. I
collect such sensitive materials - and sell when they accrue maximum value. Noooo - I don't just blackmail people!
Ms. Holmes & Ms. English (although, Theatrical Rights Mystery /
Moriarty Companies, consortiums, countries. I work on a wider canvas. I've been so sad for you, Sherlock - watching you Male Kate Hammill 2 8 Cheerfully desecrating the stories of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Watson - Apt. 2B not neecssarily) Worldwide Comedy
waste your talents, locked away in that ratty flat. Hunting down homocidal housewives. Performing P.R. mop-up for
perverts. But with the technologies at my disposal – you could go much further. Nothing and nobody would be
beyond the reach of your skills. Join my network, and there would be no more closed doors, Sherlock. No more
nagging unsolved mysteries. No more secrets. It's time to connecte with your true peer, darling, it's time to - join your
remarkable machine with mine - and we can solve anything... everything.
.... Well, psht, no, yeah of course I knew that you NO OF COURSE NOT why would anyone figure out all of this
double blind secret agent spy versus spy playing the player art of war - bullhockey? It's all just subtext on subtext on
Ms. Holmes & Ms. Theatrical Rights Mystery /
Watson subturtles all the way down???!! I'm insane? I'm insane?!!! I'm - why? Why - why would you even be invested in Female (American) Kate Hammill 2 8 Cheerfully desecrating the stories of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Watson - Apt. 2B Worldwide Comedy
capturing Moriarity, Irene why would you why why catch why Moriarity? Why you catch why Moriarity Why why why
why why why why why WHY
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
Did the normal world make a place for you? Has that purportedly sane world out there, ever bent to meet your -
breakage? Watson. I've been told, you know, - that I am - heartless. A -robot- remarkable machine. But whatever
limitations I may I have, I am -uniquely suited- designed - for the spheres in which I operate. How could I do my work
without detachment? How could I objectively observe without too much feeling clouding my judgment? I make my
eccentricities work in my favor. And thus, I see the reason for why they may - exist. So, if there is a me, there must be
Ms. Holmes & Ms. a counter-me. Somebody who cannot turn off their intense empathy; someone so attuned to other people's suffering Theatrical Rights Mystery /
Holmes Female (English) Kate Hammill 2 9 Cheerfully desecrating the stories of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Watson - Apt. 2B that she is, however subconsciously - a kind of human lie detector; able to distinguish genuine distress from fraud, Worldwide Comedy
and feel others' pain - very deeply indeed. A person of that nature might consider - themselves - broken. But I
hypothesize that there is something useful, to be made - with their mixed-up pieces, even if it does not look like the
picture on the box. I - I didn't want you only as my pawn, Watson! In fact, I - depended on you having - moves to
make in the game! You know that I have always prided myself on being alone; above all influence. But I find now -
that perhaps I have been searching for a real - real match.
Look - it really doesn't - I gotta go. Holmes- stop, okay, STOP! You USED me. Listen. Last night with Irene and
Moriarty, it became clear - that I was playing checkers, and the rest of you are playing chess. I was just, like, -a pawn,
Ms. Holmes & Ms. Theatrical Rights Mystery /
Watson in your much bigger game. And that's... fine, whatever. But it means - I must just have to find a new place out there - Female (American) Kate Hammill 2 9 Cheerfully desecrating the stories of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Watson - Apt. 2B Worldwide Comedy
for me in like, the normal world. A world where maybe people aren't so much trying to murder each other over fake
blackmail fodder books filled with weird invisible love tests or whatever.
Hey-- I'm decatted. The creature's being punished via separation from me, his god. Why are you lying on the floor? I
mean-- is there something interesting on the floor? You're not from around here, are you? I mean, you're not
American? Ok, that was weird to ask. Sorry. Americans are always doing that, we don't get it. It. Anything. Other
people's stuff, where they might have come from, where they might not want to go back. I'm not trying to other you or
anything, like, make you the exotic other-- Is that a rosebush? It's so small. I'm about to reveal myself as a big
honking cliché, but growing up, these were my favorites. I had this sort of pet plant, one of those yellow and pink Theatrical Rights
Glassheart Aiofe Female Reina Hardy 1 3 Dark Comedy
ones. It was named Pounce. When I was a kid I would name objects after random words I found in the dictionary. I Worldwide
had a dresser named Munificent and a stuffed dog named Snowplough. So. Yeah. I loved Pounce the rose. I liked to
wrap my hands around his stems and squeeze, then look at the patterns the thorns made not quite breaking the skin.
I was hoping that saying that stuff about the thorns would make me sound like less of a joke, but I do'nt think It
worked. Should I go home now? Am I weirding you out? I don't want to go home. I mean, back to my apartment.
Home to me is still in Michigan, but I do'nt want to go back there either. This place is -- really really nice.
I can't find my cat. That's all. I happen to really frickin' like my cat, OK? I happen to be worried about him, and his
whereabouts, and the fact that he, my only friend, might be freezing to death, also, I haven't slept for 30 hours, in
which I've been either driving in the middle of a horizontal sleet, or performing hard physical labor in the middle of Theatrical Rights
Glassheart Aiofe Female Reina Hardy 1 3 Dark Comedy
horizontal sleet and, you know, I haven't had much time to attend to my emotional needs which I usually do by petting Worldwide
something furry, so if I'm not in a good place right now, if you're saying that I'm overreacting to something as trivial as
the misplacement of a cat, kindly excuse this hysterical female, but yes, that is ALL.
You are a bad, bad kitty to make me worry like that, you little flat-faced bastard. Yes. No. I know you don't like it, but I
don't care. I don't like wandering around in sideways rain looking for you, so you can just stay in the carrier for right
now, mister, and you'll get fed when you get fed. Oh, are you gonna try the little paw thing? Don't even bother to try
Theatrical Rights
Glassheart Aiofe the little paw thing cause it is soooooo not gonna fly. Yes, yes. I know you have paws. See, he does this thing where Female Reina Hardy 1 3 Dark Comedy
Worldwide
he sort of taps gently with one of his paws, it's hard to resist. You're holding your lamp again. That's totally OK. Thank
yuo. I realize that I probably yelled at you, which didn't have to happen, and you're obviosuly very patient and an A-1
excellent special type of person. Thank you. Can I take you out for coffee?
I wasn't looking. That's the point – that's the point I've been trying to make. When I was looking, when I was looking, I
never found anyone. And I got so depressed. Because I was like looking for someone to validate me, or to want me,
and by wanting me, that would somehow validate me. But then I just stopped thinking about other people and I got to
this place where it was all about me. Totally selfish. Totally selfish place. It was like, I'm just gonna do me for a while,
you know... And then I woke up one morning, and I was just like, I'm amazing. I'm a genius. I'm gorgeous. I like
basically just like fell in love with myself, and I treated myself the way I would want a man to treat me – better,
Concord
Significant Other Kiki actually, than any man ever had treated me or even frankly ever could. I bought myself presents all the time, anything Female Joshua Harmon Comedy
Theatricals, Inc
I saw that I was even remotely like, ooooh mayyybe– I bought it, and I would just compliment myself CONSTANTLY. I
didn't tell you this because part of me was embarrassed, but I became OBSESSED with myself. But honestly? It was
the best two months of my life. And then one night, I was looking in the mirror, like, hey foxy lady, what do you want?
And I was like, I want an amazing dinner, so I took myself to Jean Georges, like, I just took myself there, because no
one else was gonna take me, I have the money, and I want to go, so I went, and that's when... (She waves her hand
to suggest "that's when everything happened")
Is it weird that I feel really, like... happy. Cause you know me. In general, I'm not a happy person. Like, I like foreign
films, you know? And by the age of like, seven, I understood that this whole idea of happiness was a Hallmark
manufactured event that could only take place sociologically after we all stopped farming and the industrial revolution
swept in and created this little thing called leisure time. But, it's real, you know? It's not just a greeting card idea. It's Concord
Significant Other Vanessa Female Joshua Harmon Comedy
freaking real and I get it now and, like, I suddenly get why everyone is obsessed with flowers. I'm so happy for me! Theatricals, Inc
My dad's calling for us... He's still pissed we didn't jump the broom. I'm in Jimmy Choos, I'm not jumping over
anything, I'll break an ankle. I hate this. Now he's gonna try to pressure us to do it now, but guess what, we're not,
ok? Where is he? We're just not. What a controlling nightmare piece of–– Find me later, kids. We'll dance!
Grieving! Grieving would be more respectable. This is completely selfish. Now that she's dead it feels like... Like
we're just waiting our turn. Halfway if we live to a hundred and ten! Doesn't it sound awful? Think of Mom at eighty-
six. A hundred and ten - what would be left? Halfway through our lives - that's exactly it. There's the half where you
live and the half where you live through other people. And your memory of when you were young. And by the end Concord
Marjorie Prime Tess Female Jordan Harrison 2 2 Drama
you're not even capable of having a single new moment. You can't go for a walk. You can't open a window. Any new Theatricals, Inc.
experience you have, someone is experiencing for you, to be kind. "Look, Mom, it's nice outside." "Look, I made
corned beef for St. Patricks' Day. You love corned beef." "Micah got a promotion. You remember Micah." I don't know
why we have to keep each other alive for so long.
I'm going to tell you some things and then it'll be like you've always known them. People think you're quiet but you're
not. You like confrontation more than most people. You're good at it. You've read everything. You know the Latin
names for things. You're suspicious of technology. You're suspicious of - this. You want to be better with your kids
than your mom was with you. You worry about not succeeding. You worry a lot. Then you worry that your worrying is
wearing me down, but it's not - It's like the white noise of our life together. You like to travel. You never stop moving -
you're always on your feet. You never ask for help. I'm sorry. I think, the last year, you were trying for my sake. You
were done and you were living for my sake. We went on a trip, to Madagascar. And part of the time we were on this
little island off Madagascar, which is itself an island, so we were really roughing it. We planned it together. There Concord
Marjorie Prime Jon Male Jordan Harrison 2 4 Drama
were three nights where we had to stay in a tent. The campsite was in this very old grove of trees. There was one Theatricals, Inc.
tree especially that must have been five hundred years old. We took pictures. You had trouble sleeping in the tent -
the ground was hard. You were never a big sleeper. One morning, it was just getting light out and I saw you were
gone. You did that sometimes - you got up and went for a walk until you were tired - but this felt different. I went to
look for you. I hadn't been looking a minute. You were in the tree. They said - you hadn't been there very long. You
had used some tent cord. It was four hours back to the nearest city in that little boat. It rained the whole time, so I put
you in your raincoat. This teenage boy, this local boy took us back in his motorboat. The water was choppy and I held
you. Tess. You were right. You were right. It's nothing. It's a backboard. I'm talking to myself. I'm talking to myself.
I was shaking. I'd never talked in front of a group of people before. Okay, maybe it wasn't the whole world, but it might
as well have been. The mean girls were in the front and the cute boys were in the back I thought I'd die. And do you
know what my drama teacher actually said to me? She told me to picture the class naked. Naked! Was she insane?!
I Don't Want to I'm 15! How was that supposed to make me less nervous? Pssh. I don't even like to look at myself naked. So there I
Ray Bradley Hayward Playscripts
Talk About It was in front of the class trying to recite Shakespeare and all I could think about was body parts. What light through
yonder window... breaks. Whew!! Then I started to wonder if Miss Reed told everyone the same thing. Were... were
they picturing me naked, too? It was mortifying. So I ended up reciting the entire scene from Romeo and Juliet with
my eyes closed and my arms crossed. Probably not what Shakespeare had in mind, but he's dead, so too bad.
After I shot Zackery, I put the gun down on the piano bench, and then I went out into the kitchen and made up a
pitcher of lemonade. I was dying of thirst. My mouth was just as dry as a bone. I made it just the way I like it, with lots
of sugar and lots of lemon- about ten lemons in all. Then I added two trays of ice and stirred it up with my wooden
stirring spoon. Then I drank three glasses, one right after the other. They were large glasses-about this tall. Then
Crimes of the suddenly my stomach kind of swole all up. I guess what caused it was all that sour lemon. Then what I did was, I
Babe Female Beth Henley Dramatists Comedy
Heart wiped my mouth off with the back of my hand, like this. I did it to clear off all those little beads of water that had
settled there. Then I called out to Zackery. I said, "Zackery, I've made some lemonade. Can you use a glass?" But he
didn't answer. So I poured him a glass anyway and I took it out to him. And there he was, lying on the rug. And he
was looking up at me trying to speak words. I said "what? Lemonade? You don't want it? Would you like a Coke
instead?"
Two years ago, you begged me to marry you. I'm the one who made the commitment to stick with you for the long
haul. Because I believed in you. I had faith in your ability to provide as a man, even though at the time you were just
some drunk singer in a dead-end band. Look, we are in this thing together. TOGETHER! You know what I mean?
This is a partnership. You know how much time and energy and love I've spent on this partnership? A butt-load
pardon my French. I got you off the bottle. I save you from the perils of liquor. And I pulled you out of your hopeless
dreams. That took one helluva lot of work, pardon my French. And I helped you to get a job. A real job. You don't
know what I went through with Fred and that pig of a sister-in-law to get you that first interview two years ago. She
hates you. But I convinced her to give your application to the right people, and you got the job. Because of me.
BECAUSE OF ME! There’s a lot of crap you don't know, Roger, pardon my French. So here we are, hun, living in a
Hazing the Concord
Sally mobile home in a mobile home park in the middle of Iowa, and I hate it! I absolutely hate it! I said I liked it because Female Marcus Hennessy Comedy
Monkey Theatricals, Inc.
you liked it. Maybe I fudged with the truth, forgive me dear Lord. Think about it, Roger. A mobile home in a mobile
home park in Iowa! You know what we are? Do you? WE ARE A BULLSEYE FOR TORNADOES! That’s what we
are! Tornadoes will go out of their way to hit us here. we're easy pickin’s. You never see a high-class neighborhood
ravaged by a twister. Those houses are built solid. No, no, it’s always a swath of destruction through some mobile
home park where everything’s built cheap and flimsy. I can't tell you how many stormy nights I just prayed and prayed
that the twisters would stay clear of this place long enough for us to get out and into a solid home. And my friends,
people I know from the church, they see me working at the store and they smile at me and I can just see those
thought balloons over their heads like in the comic books . . . “Oh look, there’s pretty Sally Youngblood. She’s such a
nice girl and she has such a nice husband but they live in a mobile home. They'll be gone soon. Such a pity.”
Then go have it. I want you to have that. ...when I left here, Torvald - 15 years ago, the first thing I did -- because I
had nothing: no home, no family, no money -- was I went and lived in a boarding house. And because I had no real
skills other than I could sew things -- I did that -- and made money sewing, and bit by bit saved up what I could --
Because what I really wanted to do was, for the first time in my life, be by myself. So when I saved enough money, I
left the boarding house, and went and lived up north. I found what was basically an abandoned shack. And even
though I was living by myself -- for everything I did -- every decision I made, from what I ate, to when I went to bed -- I
could hear a voice in the back of my head that either sounded like you or my father or the pastor or any number of
A Doll's House, other people I knew -- I'd always in my head somehow manage to check in with that person to see what he thought,
Nora Female Lucas Hnath Dramatists Drama
Part 2 even though that person wasn't a person but my thinking of that person. And so, as long as that continued, I decided
that I'd live in silence, not speaking and avoiding the speaking of others -- and I'd live like this until I couldn't
remember what other people sound like -- until I no longer heard a voice in my head other than my voice or what I
was certain had to be my voice. That was almost two years, two years of silence. And once I could hear my voice, I
could think of things that I wanted that had nothing to do with what anyone else wanted. It’s really hard to hear your
own voice, and every lie you tell makes your voice harder to hear, and a lot of what we do is lying. Especially when
what we want so badly from other people is for them to love us. So I think that I'm best - that I'm my best self if I'm by
myself. ...but it’s nice to sit with you.
I just don't think it's a good idea to name my kid the name you're named. Because when I say your name, I think all
sorts of things I don't want to think. When I say your name, I think of you, and when I think of you I get all angry, and
when I think of you and the way you act, and the way you yell, and the way you threw a tantrum at my wedding and
White (but could be
A Public Reading threw cake at people, and I think of the way you yell, and the way you fire people and the way you force people to do
played by a
of an Unproduced what you want them to do, and I know about what you did to Roy. How when you won the Oscar for your film about
performer of any Dramatists Play
Screenplay about Daughter lemmings you walked into his office and threw the trophy at his head, put a hole in the wall. When I think these Female Lucas Hnath Dark Comedy
race. She is the Service, Inc.
the Death of Walt thoughts when I think of the thoughts, I think these thoughts when I say your name, and I get angry, and I get sad,
daughter of Walt
Disney and I gets cared, and I know that if I name my kid your name, then anytime I say his name, I'll feel the ways I feel
Disney)
when I think of you, and the kid will see that and the kid will feel that, and the kid will feel like I feel those ways
towards him, and he'll feel bad and sad and maybe scared, and over time he'll think I feel about him the way I feel
about you, and when he grows up, he'll feel like I like his brothers better than him...
Bill– you refuse to give credit where credit is due. No, I'm not running to get credit– I want this job because I actually
think – no, I know – I'd be great at this job, because for decades I've been sitting over to the side, waiting, watching
– watching other people do what I know I can do better. Watching other people who don't know what they're doing
getting ahead of me – sitting here, having the better ideas first, while other people stumble through and get it wrong
again and again until they get it right, if they ever even get it right. I mean, let's just take this down to the bone: What I
Dramatists Play
Hillary and Clinton Hillary really think is that you want me to lose. You don't want to see me get this job, and see me do a better job than you Female White Lucas Hnath Drama?
Service, Inc.
did when you had the job. You don't want to be eclipsed, because you know – you know – that given the chance I will
eclipse you. Mark's right, he's actually right– Most people – that general public you're so fond of – they actually can't
name one thing you did in office that wasn't that "one thing." And if they ask them what they liked about you, what
made you a good president – all that's left, all that' remembered is your personality. That's it. And if you ask me, that's
some pretty think stuff – that's a pretty lousy thing to be remembered for.
I'll tell you what would be best for me, ya know, because Mark polled – he conducted polls – we have numbers to tell
us what is and isn't best for me, and what's actually best for me is for me to divorce you. Divorcing you would be very
good for me. Divorcing you would completely change how people see me, people would think more of me if I ended it
with you. They'd have more respect for me – it's really what everyone wishes I had done way back when, and so
when they look at me, what they see is disappointment. And I did – I thought about it – tried to imagine how it might
feel to do something like that. And I didn't do it. Was I scared to do it– ? oh god I don't know– Did I actually want to
Dramatists Play
Hillary and Clinton Hillary stay married to you? Did I think to myself well I've put so much time into this relationship, it would seem wrong to let Female White Lucas Hnath Drama
Service, Inc.
that go– and I do have the memroy of something – something that feels very far from where we are now, something
that I miss and I think you miss too. But I also have to ask myself, what do I get from this versus how much does it
take away? And I really don't want to stay in this marriage if the reason I'm staying in it is for you, is so that you don't
feel bad, You know–? enough "feelings." Feelings make us do the stupidest things– I want to stay in this marriage
because I want to stay in it, because I get more out of it than I lose – but Bill, every second that passes I see myself
losing more than I gain.
Alright. Well then that's it for me. There's nothing for me to do here. No, I need to go. I need to go because I'm scared
that if I stay and he stays and we stay together, then at some point I'm gonna punch him in the face, I swear I'm just
gonna punch him right in the face, and he'll probably fall and have a heart attack, and then I'll look really bad – he'll
have really deserved it – but I'll look really bad – like I was trying to beat up and kill an old guy – an old guy that Dramatists Play
Hillary and Clinton Mark Male Lucas Hnath Drama?
everyone inexplicably likes. And everyone will hate me for it, and my life will be ruined. And when I die, I will be Service, Inc.
remembered, but only as the guy who punched Bill Clinton in the face. And I don't want to be remembered for that. I'd
rather not be remembered at all than be remembered for that. So I'm going to go now, and don't try to convince me to
stay.
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
I can't imagine it, that Heaven, and if I can't imagine it, I can't believe it, and if I can't believe it, and if I can't believe in
Heaven, then that makes me feel lonely and scared. Just– one other thing I don't understand. Another thing the guy I
was seeing said to me. And I didn't like that he said it but it stuck with me, and it left me wondering why you preached
that sermon when you did. He said he just wondered why, you did this after, just after the church paid off its debt. It
just seems that – he said, he thought – the timing seemed too convenient. That if you had done this before the
Congregant church was paid off and people had left, then you'd be in a bad spot. And he said he feels taken advantage of. And
The Christians Female Lucas Hnath Dramatists Drama
(Jenny) he – he feels like you took our money. He wanted to know – I'm going back to reading here – why you did what you
did when you did it, because he thinks that what you said about Hell couldn't have been something that just occurred
to you, that you must have known for a long time that "Hell" is Greek for "trash dump," that you didn't just figure that
yout, which means you had this thought but had been preaching something different – which seems to me kinda like
lying sorry to say that – and then you suddenly decided that once the church was paid off, you could risk losing
money, and tell us what you really thought. Is that it?
I just can't help but feel used, Pastor Paul, I don't have much money, I give twenty percent every week, I live on food
stamps and out of clothing bins, and it's a big deal, I don't do the minimum ten percent, I go over that because this
church is really important to me and giving to God is important and there's so much that me and my son have had to
Congregant do without because of it. What I want is for you to tell me the truth. No lying – not in this church, not at this pulpit. This
The Christians Female Lucas Hnath Dramatists Drama
(Jenny) business about Hell, would you have brought it up before the church was paid for? You're saying you never thought
about how that sermon could maybe make it so the church wasn't paid off, you're telling me that you never worried
about it, never crossed your mind. I just want a good answer is all, because that guy I was dating, he made a lot of
good points, and I don't know what to say back to him.
About two weeks ago, I was at a conference for pastors of churches like this church, and I'm listening to a missionary
speak. He works overseas in one of those countries that we hear about on the news. One day, he's in a market, and
a bomb goes off. A grocery store lights on fire. There's a boy, 16, 17 years old, a young man, and instead of running
away from the burning grocery store, he runs into it. He runs into the fire. Eventually, the boy comes out of the store,
and his whole body is shielding a girl, maybe seven years old, this girl – he's helped her to safety, saved her from the
burning building. But he, the boy, is dying. He lies down on the street, body gone into shock, and he burns until he's
The Christians Pastor Paul dead. The missionary tells us that that was his sister, that he ran into the store to save. And the missionary tells us Male Lucas Hnath Dramatists Drama
that this boy – was not a Christian. He did not believe in the God we believe in. He did not believe in Jesus, or the
Holy Spirit. He believed in a different set of beliefs, and attended a church that did not talk about the cross, and
prayed a different set of prayers than the prayers we pray. And the missionary said: Isn't it a shame that we lost that
boy, what a man of Christ he might have been. And and and I thought– I thought that he meant, "What a shame the
boy died," and I thought, "yes, what a shame that the boy died." But the missionary, he meant, "What a shame, I
didn't save this boy for Christ, what a shame I didn't convert him into a Christian, what a shame he went to hell."
You've got no right to be sorry. Sixteen years old and pregnant and terrified and you just leave me here to… to what?
To die? To what? What did you figure I was gonna’ do? Run the bank? Drink the lake? I'm really curious, Wilbur. I
really am. How about when you were nineteen? How about when you were twenty-five? How about when you were
twenty-seven? I'll tell you what’s really on my mind right now, Wilbur … what’s really on the tip of my tongue as I
Hopscotch Elsa stand here lookin’ at you face-to-face… I wasted so much of my time worrying about you, and you're nothing. I gave Female Israel Horovitz Dramatists Drama
yours away. I was pregnant, remember? Did you forget? I gave it away. you're really unbelievable Will. You were an
unbelievable kid and you ran away and saw the world and grew up and now you're back here and I can see you've
become just an unbelievable adult. I am really happy to see the way you've turned out… I can see exactly what you
are. I am so lucky.
Folks, on the local theatre scene, our own little theatre director, Joe Bob Lipsey has just returned to town from
directing the Big Thicket Arts Festival, where his most recent production was a version of Oedipus Rex called
“Mother’s boy.” Joe’s back in town directing a patriotic performance art extravaganza titled Red, White, and Fabulous.
The show consists of famous characters in American history singing show tunes. We'll see Clyde Busby as Richard
Howard, Jo
Red, White, and Nixon singing “Send in the Clowns”; Lavita Posey will be Nancy Regan on the morning of George Bush’s Concord
Arles Struvie Male Ed Sears, and Jaston Comedy
Tuna inauguration singing, “I had a Secret Love.” And folks on a personal note, it’s true that yours truly will be tying the Theatricals, Inc
Williams
knot tomorrow afternoon with my dearest baby Bertha Bumiller down at the home of W.H. and Vera Carp here in
town. Vera has requested that only close family be in attendance at the wedding due to the high quality of her carpets
and the fact that too much in and out lets the house fill up with horse flies. We are registered for wedding gifts at Didi’
s Used Weapons here in town.
This is Didi Snavely reminding you on this national holiday that fireworks make a pop, but a good firearm makes a
point. Now, when our nation’s founders won their independence from the ugly English, they didn't win it by inviting
them over for tea and crumpets. They won it because they shot ‘em. And the English were obviously slow learners
Howard, Jo
Red, White, and because they came back over here in 1812 and they shot ‘em again. And they shot the Spanish at the turn of the Concord
Didi Snavely Female Ed Sears, and Jaston Comedy
Tuna century, too. I don't remember why, but you know they had it coming. This country’s freedom wasn't purchased with Theatricals, Inc
Williams
peace marches, protests, and EST seminars. We bought it wit bullets, bombs, and bayonets. So come down to the
store, demonstrate your commitment to the Second Amendment, and never forget that if our Texas forefathers had
had bigger and better weaponry, it would be Mexico that remembers the Alamo.
Do you see that person over there, the one wearing the yellow banana pin on their lapel? What are you doing?! Don't
let them know you see them! Stay cool. Stay. Cool. Pranksy. Oh! ...My! ...Godfrey! Do you mean to tell me that they
stationed someone who is completely ignorant to the avante-avante-art movement? How dare they! Oh, I'm so!
Stupid! They said Pranksy would be here. They said to stay alert, vigilant, Ang! And I am trying, but I can't do this
alone! Are you with me, or are you with them? Pranksy has been at every single one of Godfrey's openings. Every.
Single. One. Pranksy has evaded every single capture. Every. Single. One. But not now, not on my watch. Not on
nonbinary (or Your Stage
Pranksy Ang yours. Pranksy is worse than a thief! Pranksy stages counter-art, arts-in-protest. You see, Godfrey studied art, has all Elissa C. Huang Comedy From the collection, Rogue's Gallery
any) Partners
the degrees, learned from the masters. He understands art, knows how to subvert our expectations of whta aret
should be, how we experience it. Pranksy is a, a vandal! Pranksy just swoops in and does the opposite, just to be
edgy. But it's not edgy! It's ... childish! At Godfrey's last exhibition, Empty Cars, do you know what Pranksy did?
Pranksy filled each one of the cars with blow-up dummies simultaneously. They were empty one minute, and then ...
they weren't! How? It was physically and practically impossible to do it so quickly and yet! Pranksy is the worst kind of
artist. Pranksy is an anti-anti art artist!
Waitaminute. Where are the "For Sale" stickers?! The beast! Pranksy strikes again! There are supposed to be "For
Sale" stickers on every one of these boxes, Coral. I can't believe I missed it! I was so focused on the secruity of it all
that I-- Oh, Coral, you sweet innocent. Everything is for sale. It's a statement on the commodification of art and well -- nonbinary (or Your Stage
Pranksy Ang Elissa C. Huang Comedy From the collection, Rogue's Gallery
never mind -- Luckily, I brought extra rolls. I always travel with extra. Come on, make yourself useful. Coral! Look at any) Partners
me! We don't have time to dilly-dally! Do you want to experience the wrath of Godfrey? The correct answer is No. No,
you don't. If Godfrey is happy, then Steve is happy. Trust me. I am the expert, Coral. Thank you.
Fellow members of the ninety-nines. It means a great deal to me to be one of the founders of this proud organizations
of women pilots. And that's what we are... pilots. Not ladybirds, not powderpuff, not angels, not flying flappers, or any
of the other names the newspapers are so fond of calling us. We are pilots. I've had doubts about myself in that area.
You all know that my fame came as a result of a flight where I was only a passenger. Now I'm grateful for the
Amelia Earhart: opportunities that came as a result of that fame. There's even a woman on a billboard - a pilot - a pilot who looks like Eldridge
Amelia Earhart Female Will Huddleston Drama
Flights of Fancy me and has my name. But it's not me. I don't know who she is, but do you know something? A lot of girls and other Publishing
people in this country look up to her. She means something to them — something important. Something that says
women are capable of doing incredible things. That women do not have to go through life as spectators only. We can
do. We can become. We can live great lives. I want to be her. And that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to become
that woman on the billboard, or I'm going to die trying.
There's something else I have to tell you. It was a terrible thing I did to you the other day. I very nearly struck you. I
probably would have, if your mother hadn't taken hold of my hand. I feel so ashamed. I raised my hand to my own
child. I never thought I could do such a terrible thing. I hope you can forgive me. I hope god can forgive me. And I
swear to you right now that I will never touch a drop of liquor again - for as long as I live. I'm through. You have my
Amelia Earhart: Edwin "Poppy" Eldridge
promise. You'll see. Your Poppy has turned over a new leaf. There are some other things that I've got my sights on Male Will Huddleston Drama
Flights of Fancy Earhart Publishing
doing. I'm going to get us a bigger house than the one your Granddaddy Otis lives in. We'll move to Kansas City and
I'll get settled into my new job, then we'll all be flying high. Your Pop will get to do bigger and better things. And the
next thing you know I'll be in charge of doing things for the whole region and then the whole state. Now that would be
flying high, wouldn't it, for your Poppy to be over the whole state?
Everyone knows, you know. All the good pilots know. You're nothing but a phony. I was there when you flew in to
Roosevelt field. You weren't flying that little Avro Avian of yours. You were showing off a big closed-cabin monoplane,
but all the flyers could see that there was a man at the controls when you came down. It was the man you later
Amelia Earhart: Eldridge
Elinor Smith introduced as your mechanic. All the newspapers were there. You were wearing a dress and they gave you roses. Female Will Huddleston Drama
Flights of Fancy Publishing
You never flew that plane. You might have held the wheel a little, but you could never land a plane as big as that.
And there was your picture in the newspapers next day and a story about Amelia Earhart's perfect landing. You're
nothing but a big phony.
Please wait. You're exaggerating what I had in mind for that girl. But she is the competition. And that competition can
knock you out of the sky,. And I want you up there. That's where you belong. But, I'm betting the farm that you clove
Amelia Earhart: to fly so much that you'll stick with me because I can get you up in the biggest and the best. No one ever flies alone, Eldridge
G.P. Putnam Male Will Huddleston Drama
Flights of Fancy AE. You told me that yourself. Don't forget to thank the mechanic, you said. We're that kind of a team. That's what all Publishing
those people forget to mention. We are a terrific team. I got a call from Lockheed. They're interested. They make the
biggest and the best. How far do you want to go?
My husband didn't make me give up flying. I quit because I wanted to. I quit because of a miracle. I was flying back
from San Bernardino when I ran out of gas. I didn't know there was a hole in the tank until I flew into a dense fog. It
was so thick I couldn't see my wing tips. Then the motor quit. I put her into a flat spiral and hoped I'd come out out
from under it. It was so peaceful floating down like that, peaceful and eerie at the same time. Forty-five hundred feet,
four thousand. Dead silence except for the zing of the wires. Three thousand feet and I started to worry. Two
Amelia Earhart: Neta "Snooky" thousand feet, still fog. Fifteen hundred feet I began to hear noises. I heard the clang of a trolley car and I knew that I Eldridge
Female Will Huddleston Drama
Flights of Fancy Snook was in big trouble. I prayed that if I got down safely it would be a sign that I should give up flying forever. Eight Publishing
hundred feet and I could see rooftops and the only street big enough to land on was bisected with a hot streetcar
wire. A quarter turn and the miracle happened. The most beautiful green carpet rolled out below me. I landed. It was
a country club polo field, the only possible landing spot for miles. Then guess what happened. It was only a week
before I got an offer for my Jenny. I traded it for a house in Los Angeles, a real nice house. Oh! Guess what, Mill? I
got pregnant. I'm going to have a baby. Don't you want to congratulate me?
I had a student tell me she wanted to kill herself today. No, it's - I'm sorry, I know that's an inappropriate response to
your... proposal... um... but that's kind of the... it just - I just wanted to let you know... I mean, I hesitated. Clearly. I
hesitated. And I just wanted to let you know... one of the reasons why I did that... It just doesn't seem to be
appropriate to be all gushing and jumping up and down and thinking about... weddings when I know there's a young
Somebody's girl who's hurting- And... Well. You... want kids, for starters. When a man says he's "flexible" after he's alwready
Kate Female Asian-American Chisa Hutchinson Dramatists 1 2 Drama Character description: KATE WU, mid-30s, Asian-American, a guidance counselor
Daughter proclaimed that he wants like, eight kids, what he really means is that he plans on spending the rest of your child-
bearing years trying to convince you to pop'em out... A bunch is still not quite zero. Which is how many I want, so...
And I'm pretty sure you'd want me to take your last name. There's nothing wrong with your last name... I'm not going
to hyph- Katherine Wu-Ward? Are you kidding me? It would sound like I'm stuttering every time I introduce myself...
Wu-Ward, Wu-Ward... Would you take my last name? What about my parents? You know they don't approve of you.
Uh... yeah. I've known that for almost three years now. So have you. I think I've been handling it pretty graciously,
actually. And you... well, it's never bothered you before. In fact, I seem to recall you telling me that it was one of the
things that initially attracted you to me, so... Oh. Ssssooooo... what? You've just been using me all this time to screw
with your parents? Is that it? I mean I thought we moved past how we met, thought I was getting to be something
Somebody's more than a prop, but you're telling me... I mean, what are you telling me here? What am I, then? The ultimate
Reggie Male Black Chisa Hutchinson Dramatists 1 2 Drama Character description: REGGIE WARD, mid-30s, Kate's black boyfriend
Daughter revenge on your parents? I guess my moving here must've really pissed them off. I bet they think you took me in
because I'm too much of a loser to be able to afford a place like this on my own. Which is pretty much the truth, right?
I bet they're over there wondering just how far their precious, misguided daugther is going to take things with her
black-ass, broke-ass, wanna-be writer boyfriend. I guess I found her limit, hunh? It's all fun and games until
somebody whips out a ring... I'm going for a walk.
Oh sweetie, you don't want to date a white guy who's into Asian girls, trust me... That is perhaps a convo for another
time, though. Right now, I will just say that I don't think it's such a bad idea to really... explore your options.
Romantically speaking. I think it's totally cool that you're even considering breaking out of your comfort zone like that.
Somebody's Especially since your comfort zone doesn't seem to be all that comfortable to begin with, you know? Don't get me
Kate Female Asian-American Chisa Hutchinson Dramatists 1 10 Drama Character description: KATE WU, mid-30s, Asian-American, a guidance counselor
Daughter wrong, later on in life when you've found yourself and all that, feel free to marry a nice Chinese boy and crank out as
many musically gifted, mathematically superior, overachieving kids as you want, but I think that it's always easier
finding yourself against a contrasting background, you know what I'm sayin'? That's what you need. Someone to find
yourself against.
...Hi. Wow. You remembered. I'm good. Considering. I mean, I'm not suicidal, if that's what you want to know. I'm
making dinner. Real Chinese. Your favorite, actually. Spicy garlic chicken with string beans... But you're calling now,
so... I don't need to know why you haven't been calling. Really. Or maybe I already know and I just don't need you to
verbally punch me in the face with it. Come on, Reg. Making me say it would be just as bad. You've obviously met
Somebody's someone else... Yeah. Obviously. She practically lifted her leg and sprayed last time I tried to call you, so... Desiree.
Kate Female Asian-American Chisa Hutchinson Dramatists 2 8 Drama Character description: KATE WU, mid-30s, Asian-American, a guidance counselor
Daughter Your sister, Desiree... I- Well, I mean... it's hard to know what you're capable of anymore. No, that came out weird. I
just mean... I thought I knew who you were. I thought I had a grip on... who you were and what made you tick and all
that, but clearly not. I mean, you moved out, and I still don't... I've been trying to wrap my head around what was so
horrible that you had to pack your shit and bounce. Could you please tell me in very simple terms what it is that
compelled you to resort to such extreme measures?
In very simple terms? Okay. You're racist. You're racist, Kate. And that's not a judgment. It's not a judgment because
evrybody's racist. Even babies are a little bit racist, as it turns out. Something about their brains being hardwired to
recognize their parents as safe and... okay, you know what? That's not even relevant. What is relevant is that all
people prejudge each other based on race, all people make assumptions based solely on skin color, and most times
not favorable ones. Even me. I'm racist, too. But the difference between your racist and my racist is my racist doesn't
preclude the possibility of marriage to someone out side my race because what would grandma think. You might not
be your parents, but you were raised by them. You don't think that those ideas seeped in? That they manifest in your
relationships and precipitate action? Even if that action is rebellion. Which, when it comes to race, is really just a form
of fetishism, if we're being honest. I didn't expect to fall in love with you. And I certainly didn't expect you to keep me
around. There were just... things. Little indications that I was maybe like... I dunno... the exception to some rule you
Somebody's didn't know you were following, that you were trying not to follow, but it was so deeply ingrained, you couldn't even
Reggie Male Black Chisa Hutchinson Dramatists 2 8 Drama Character description: REGGIE WARD, mid-30s, Kate's black boyfriend
Daughter help it. I talked to Desiree about this, and she- she remembers the first time you met a little differently. Really. She
remembers you being all "girrrrrlfriennnnn" and "honey chiiiiile," like the black chicks in the room wouldn't understand
what you were saying inf you didn't punctuate with some Ebonic term of endearment. And I totally remember that, but
I also know you. And I know that when you get nervous in new social situations, you try to get real familiar real fast,
so I didn't think anything of it. But then it made me think abck to all the times we went ou tand the difference beween
when we were like... in black environments versus non-black environments and... well... you didn't even try to hide
your disdain. I guess if they weren't family, you didn't feel like you had to. Like I wouldn't even suggest we go to Onyx
anymore, even though it's my absolute favorite chill spot, because you were obviously so above it all, like you were
just tolerating the presence of the people there, my people... (call-waiting beep; she asks him to hold on a second.)
Sure. Take all the time you need. In fact, why don't you just call me back when you're ready? Like really ready?
Okay? Happy Anniversary.
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
You have a boyfriend? (Not asking.) American. You been together for a long time? And you obviously don't have
children. It must be so much easier. To be able to commit to things for only a few years at a time. No husband, no
kids, no obligation to anyone but yourself. You had a choice. I have been obligated since birth. To my parents, to my
husband, my child... I was making sacrifices before I even knew I was making them. I have only just begun to
Somebody's imagine what I have been missing. I imagine it through my daughter. I see life as it could have been through her
Millie Female Asian-American Chisa Hutchinson Dramatists 2 13 Drama Character description: MILLIE CHAN, very-late-30s, Asian-American, Alex's mother
Daughter eyes. I want to give her that life. And I want to take it away. I want things to be easier for her. And I want her to suffer
as I suffered. I want to tell her that she can choose anything, but I'm afraid that if I do, some inescapable reality will
come crashing down on her and prove me wrong. So I don't. Instead I try to prepare her for inescapable realities. If
you ever loved anyone outside of yourself, then you would know what it is to push with one hand and pull with theo
ther. And you would know what a single mistake could cost you. I made a mistake, Miss Wu. Thank you for your time.
I... I can't get what you were saying out of my head. It really threw me. I mean, you know how hard it is to make me
second-guess myself about anything. I'm a pretty confident chick. Or stubborn, if that's how you see it, alright. And
that's the point, isn't it? How we see ourselves is only half the story and... there's really no way to know how the other
half is playing out. That's a bitch of a realization, you know? Finding out that you don't know yourself as well as you
Somebody's think you do. I still don't know if that makes me racist-- I'm pretty sure only white people can be racist, I read that
Kate Female Asian-American Chisa Hutchinson Dramatists 2 14 Drama Character description: KATE WU, mid-30s, Asian-American, a guidance counselor
Daughter somewhere. Or maybe Oprah said it... I'm not-- That's not a joke. I really think it could have been Oprah, I don't know.
But I do know that I love you more than any human I've ever known, of any color. And I know that life is so much
better with you. And if I treated you like an exception to a rule, it's only because you're an exceptional man. Truly.
And that means a lot coming from me. I generally don't like people. People suck and they ruin everything. (She points
at herself.) Case in point. But I'm trying. I'm really, really trying.
And that really is a shameful waste. I know that bothers you. I understand that you value life. Which - despite the fact
that you're a less-than-honest sexual deviant - actually makes you a better Christian than most. A better person than
most. But now I need you to understand something about me: I'm not a nice woman. I'm serious. I'm ... I'm a truly
awful person. I have been all my life. I've used people. Treated them like trash or, at best, like furniture. My husband
included. And he was never anything but kind to me. I manipulate. I'm a terrible manipulator. I'm also vindictive. And
vindictive people oughtn't be allowed to have as much money and power as I have. You have no idea how many lives
I've ruined. How many dreams I've crushed. I considered crushing yours. Whenever you threatened to not go through
with the plan, I thought about how I could just call up your supervisor and tell her that you've abused me. You called
Dead and
Carolyn me a bitch, jabbed my scalp with hairpins... you manhandled me, insisted on touching my "happy flaps"... I wouldn't Female African American Chisa Hutchison Playscripts Carolyn is 68, black, wealthy, prim but only to a point.
Breathing
even have to lie to get you fired. To rob you of your license, your livelihood. I would've threatened you into
submission. And to top it off, I wouldn't have had to give you a single dime. And it just dawned on me. Really. Just
now. It dawned on me how much I need you to understand why. Why the death wish. I'm... it's not that I want to die
and it's not that I am dying, it's that I deserve to die. That's it. I know you think I'm "pretty cool," but the reality is I don't
have a single redeeming quality. I haven't contributed a single positive thing to this world. And not only that, I'm toxic.
I'm poison. I annihilate. I'm not tired of living, I'm tired of destroying. The thing is, I'm too old to learn how to do
anything else. But you do. You have the time, you have the heart, and when I'm gone, you'll have the resources.
That's the best I can do at this point.
Sure. He was a sweet-sweet-sweetie-sweet-sweetie-sweet-sweet. What do you want? You want me to say he was
abusive? That he beat me? Well, he didn't. Never laid a hand on me. You want me to say he was unfaithful? Tell you
what a womanizing bastard he was? Nothing could be further from the truth. He wasn't a drunk, he didn't gamble, he
was kind and generous and the best friend I ever had. I had a good man in my life for thirty-six years and now I don't.
You haven't heard a damn thing I've said, have you? Not a damn thing. I am so sick of your sanctimonious bull. Life
Dead and isn't a gift to everybody, you know! That's something only poor people think because they spend the majority of their
Carolyn Female African American Chisa Hutchison Playscripts Carolyn is 68, black, wealthy, prim but only to a point.
Breathing "precious time" meeting the basest of needs. They scrape enough money together to buy some sandwich meat and
pay the heating bill and that's a good day. Time well spent. Something bad happens and it's easy for them to say,
"Well, at least I'm still alive," because they don't know any better. Truly! They are just completely unaware of any
other sort of fulfillment. That! That is what they mean when they say ignorance is bliss. Because if they knew - if they
really knew! - what life is like when it's impossible to just be happy to be alive, the world would not be as absurdly
populated as it is!
I actually... I was a mother once, you know. Yeah, she ... my daughter, April ... she wasn't biologically my daughter, I
didn't squeeze her out, no ma'am. She was a friend's kid. Biologically. A friend who died young. Of AIDS. Which she
passed on to her daughter. My daughter. For six years, anyway. Which is pretty remarkable considering. She was a
strong one. Had to be to hang in there for as long as she did. Between the virus and the treatment. They were still
experimenting with AZT back then. I did some research. And this was back before Google, so research was like
Dead and
Veronika physical labor - hitting the library, the hospitals, the newsstands and it seemed like the best option at the time, so... I Female African American Chisa Hutchison Playscripts Veronika is a late 30s, black, boisterous transgender woman.
Breathing
signed her up for the trial. In hindsight, there was probably something real unethical going on there.... I mean, she
was so young. But we were black which, you know, means expendable as far as they were concerned. And I was
desperate. And greedy. I wanted as much time as I could steal with my little girl. Even if she'd never ride a bike. Even
if she couldn't go to school because she kept losing control of her bowels. Even if she'd never get to be a little girl. I
wanted her. She succumbed eight days before her sixth birthday. And there was nothing I could do to help her.
No. No. I won't. Either you start acting Christian - acting mind you, no lip service - or you continue to die at the
agonizing rate at which you have been with no assistance from me. Good Christians don't kill themselves! They leave
Dead and the killing to tsunamis or to faulty airplane mechanics or to emotionally disturbed misfit teenagers- They leave it to
Veronika Female African American Chisa Hutchison Playscripts Veronika is a late 30s, black, boisterous transgender woman.
Breathing God! Repent. Repent. That's all I'm asking. You think you have legitimate reasons to throw your life away? Alright.
Maybe I'm naive or hypocritical to try to judge. But I won't be your tool unless I know that you've made your peace
with God, and you can't do that if you're still blaming Him for whatever it is you think you didn't get out of life.
Shut up-- It's like, it's like, it's like you see all these things, it's like you look out into the world and you see all this stuff,
and you're like: I want that and that and that, it's like it ain't ever enough for you. As long as you got eyes in your
head, it's like you're always wantin' stuff. Well, I ain't like you. It's cause there ain't no point. There ain't no point in
Dramatic
Polaroid Stories Echo wantin' stuff you ain't never gonna get. -- That ain't what I mean, I didn't say it right -- I don't know what I'm tryin' to Female Naomi Iizuka 2 Drama
Publishing
say. Cause you have a beautiful voice, I've heard you, and I know you could be a star, you could totally be a star, and
I'd be so happy for you, too. I'd be like somebody who knew you when, I'd be like somebody you used to know. And
when you came on the TV it'd be all like, I know him-- No, I mean it, for real--
Man, that's bull. You got to watch your back all the time. Everybody's running some scam, for real. Everybody wants
something. And some folks, it's like they think they can get it for free. They're all like, I love you, stuff like that. That's
what they all say. But that ain't even it, see. It's like they want to tell you how it is, tell you how it's gonna be, and they
Dramatic
Polaroid Stories Eurydice ain't even lookin' at you. It's like they're lookin' right through you like you was a ghost or something. Man, they see Female Naomi Iizuka 2 Drama
Publishing
what they want to see. It's their own trip. Ain't got nothing to do with me. I'll tell you what I know, for real: Don't let
nobody get too close, cause I don't care how nice somebody is, you let them get close enough, they'll take everything
you own, your own self even. Ain't nobody who won't.
Where I come from, there's these orange groves, all along the freeway, and the orange trees, they have these little,
white flowers, all tiny and lacy-like. Man, I ain't even thought about this in so long. I used to go out there all the time,
with this guy I used to know, this goofy guy I used to know, and sometimes we'd be out there, and there'd be this
wind, and all the flowers, they'd start falling. We'd close our eyes and laugh so hard. For a little while, nothin' else Dramatic
Polaroid Stories Eurydice Female Naomi Iizuka 2 Drama
mattered, and everythin' was perfect, cause when the wind got up and the flowers started falling, it was like it was Publishing
snowing, and the air smelled all of orange, and we thought it was so cool, we thought it was the coolest thing in the
whole world. Look, I got to go, I got to get going. Sometimes, it's like if I can just keep moving, nothing bad'll happen,
sometimes it's like if I stop, I'll die. I ain't afraid. I ain't afraid of nothing.
For real? Girl, I want a good night's sleep. That's it. You ain't never had a good night's sleep-- A good night's sleep,
that's a treasure. Rest your weary bones, free yourself from all earthly cares. But, now, I ask you, how can a man get
Dramatic
Polaroid Stories G a good night's sleep when his woman's got one eye open, waiting to rip him off? Slit his throat? That ain't no way for Male Naomi Iizuka 2 Drama
Publishing
a man to live. If a man can't trust, it'll drive him crazy, it'll piss him off, make him meaner than hell. I like to be able to
sleep easy. Can't sleep easy unless you got some trust. I like to be able to give a person trust.
Miss. "Miss" is an interesting word. For example, there is "miss" as in "Miss Harper the principal." There is "miss" as
in "You will miss your bus if you step on every crack." And there is "miss" like dead. "Miss" is not on the "Facial
Expressions" chart. ... Devon is not completely gone away. There are no parts of Devon left because he was
Dramatic
Mockingbird Caitlin cremated, which means burned up into ashes. I don't want him in a different way. I want him in the same way. When Female Julie Jensen 3 Adapted by Julie Jensen. From the National Book Award-winning novel by Kathryn Erskine.
Publishing
he makes popcorn and hot chocolate and when he tells me what to say and what clothes to wear so kids won't laugh
at me and when he plays basketball and gives me a chance to win by going the wrong way when I do a fake. That's
the Devon I want. Not the one floating around in the air.
I told Mrs. Johnson that I do not want to work in a group. I can do a better group project by myself. I know how to get
along with others. I leave them alone. It's what they tell me to do. "Leave me alone, Caitlin." "Caitlin, go away." So I
Dramatic
Mockingbird Caitlin am listening, I am doing what they say, and I am being nice. I do not care for "very outgoing." Or "effusive." Or Female Julie Jensen 8 Adapted by Julie Jensen. From the National Book Award-winning novel by Kathryn Erskine.
Publishing
"extroverted." Or "gregarious." Or any of those words that mean their loudness fills up my ears and their waving arms
invade my personal space. This is what I think: I think you do not "get it."
Soon. I do not care for the word "soon" because I never know when it will turn into now, or if it will be the kind of
Dramatic
Mockingbird Caitlin "soon" that never happens. Like when I ask Dad and Devon when the chest will be finished and they say, "Soon." Female Julie Jensen 8 Adapted by Julie Jensen. From the National Book Award-winning novel by Kathryn Erskine.
Publishing
Except it's still not done. And from the looks of things, it will never be done. And so I do not care for "soon."
Hey! Those overalls are what they wear in To Kill a Mockingbird! It's what Scout wears in the movie. My brother says
I am like Scout. Sometimes he calls me Scout. It's another name for me. Scout. What do your overalls feel like? ...
You should get the ones that don't have tags. That's what I get. You just have to tell your Dad what you want. In the
winter I wear sweatpants and a long-sleeved T-shirt. In the summer I wear sweatpants and a short-sleeved T-shirt. Dramatic
Mockingbird Caitlin Female Julie Jensen 13 Adapted by Julie Jensen. From the National Book Award-winning novel by Kathryn Erskine.
The T-shirt can be any color as long as it is not yellow or pink or poopy green. And it can only be one color because I Publishing
don't care for colors running into each other. And there cannot be writing on the T-shirt or people will read it and I do
not want them looking at me. And none of the T-shirts can have tags in the back or collars. Or stripes. Or pockets. Or
zig-zag stitching. Now my dad knows and he says I am a breeze to buy for. That means easy.
I'm in the chest. Thinking I'm going to stay here and make this my chest now. It was always supposed to be mine. I
asked Devon if I could have it. I already asked him, "Can I have your chest when you die?" And he said yes. Why
don't we finish sanding it? And why don't you say "dead"? You say those other words instead, like "gone" and "left."
You should say the true word. The true word is "dead." Devon's chest, not my chest. Devon's chest, not my chest. Dramatic
Mockingbird Caitlin Female Julie Jensen 18 Adapted by Julie Jensen. From the National Book Award-winning novel by Kathryn Erskine.
Devon's chest, not my chest. Devon's chest is still not done. And I guess it will never be. It's not your chest. It's Publishing
Devon's chest. It's as much my chest as it is yours! Think about what Devon would say. He would say, "You have to
'work at it,' Dad." Devon would say, "You have to try even if it is hard and you just want to scream and twirl and shake
your hands." That's what he would say.
No, wait. Just think about this NFL obsession a minute – we spend hours and hours and hours of the one and only
life we've got, and will never get back, watchin' the game. And when our team wins the game, we say 'we sure won
that one, didn't we?" Well, we didn't! We don't suit up, we don't get the bejesus knocked out of us on the field every
sunday and we sure as heck don't get a kabillion dollars to hawk sneakers on the TV. But, like a bunch of trained
Playwrights are Jessie Jones, Nicholas Hope, and Jamie Wooten, collectively known as "Jones
seals, we run out and buy our team's jerseys and hats and giant foam fingers. See, 'The Machine' has to make us Jessie Nicholas Jones Hope Theatrical Rights
True Confessions John Curtis Male Comedy Hope Wooten." For students using this monologue in Individual Events, slate can use "Jones
think we're participatin', 'cause they need us to keep the big bucks flowin' in and fillin' their pockets. Well, I am D.U.N. Jamie Wooten Worldwide
Hope Wooten" as the playwright name.
done with that. And watchin' pro baseball's not any better. That is slow motion pure-D agony. And don't even get me
started on golf. I'd rather have you beat me to death with a nine iron than to make me watch that endless torture on
CBS. If you're playin' sports, I get it. I always liked playin' sports, but watchin' people play sports is about as interestin'
as watchin' people eat. I like food but that doesn't mean I want to pay to watch other people suck down spaghetti.
Yeah... I mean, no. I mean... something's happened. I spent all night thinkin' this thing over and early this mornin'
realized somethin' and I'm not sure I can handle it. I need to talk to you. About... somethin' personal. It can't wait. I
came straight over, I gotta get this said. What I have to say can only be said to a guy. I'm tellin you, Dub, this thing
just got a hold of me. I've been up thinkin' for I don't know how long. I even walked around the block a few times tryin'
to wrap my head around it. I can't shake this problem. I did manage to fiall asleep but this crazy thing woke me up
around two o'clock and all of a sudden I realized... the cold, harsh truth. Now hang on, Dub, this'll blow your mind
Playwrights are Jessie Jones, Nicholas Hope, and Jamie Wooten, collectively known as "Jones
what I'm fixin' to say, but... I realized... I don't... I... I flat out don't like... football. No, no. Just listen to me. I have to Jessie Nicholas Jones Hope Theatrical Rights
True Confessions John Curtis Male Comedy Hope Wooten." For students using this monologue in Individual Events, slate can use "Jones
finish gettin' this off my chest. I just came through a dark night of the soul! I swear, when this thing hit me and woke Jamie Wooten Worldwide
Hope Wooten" as the playwright name.
me up, it really woke me up. I finally realize I hate pro football and I've been pretendin' to like it my whole life long. It
dawned on me the only thing I ever really liked about football was the tailgate parties. I'm tellin' you, there is
something so wrong about everything in this country havin' to be so competitive. Why does every blasted situation
have to turn into a contest? Deep down inside I do not support that attitude, but look at me. I've been playin' along
with the whole concept, watching the games, cheerin' the team, talkin' about the scroes and stats. Truth is, I am not
really a competitive person at all.
You heard the man. The two of you have to leave now. I should be the one who stays because... because... well it's
been a bit of a rocky road for me lately. It's true. I haven't actually succeeded in landing work for some time– I was
Playwrights are Jessie Jones, Nicholas Hope, and Jamie Wooten, collectively known as "Jones
When the Role is thrilled to find out about the big, splashy revival of Blithe Spirit that Isaac Zirling is producing. The role of Madame Jessie Nicholas Jones Hope Theatrical Rights
Marvourneen Female Comedy Hope Wooten." For students using this monologue in Individual Events, slate can use "Jones
Called Up Yonder Arcati is one of the juiciest parts for actresses of our... experience. For the first time in ages, I actually agreed to... Jamie Wooten Worldwide
Hope Wooten" as the playwright name.
audition. However, it turns out the role will not be mine. So right now, I just need to succeed at something and there
would be nothing better than being right here with my dear friend until she takes her final bow.
I'm not too late, am I? I got the message, but we had to finish shooting for the day. I took a train from Queens, then
changed trains at Grand Central but then I couldn't remember which hospital – Do you know how many hospitals are
on the Upper East Side? Why aren't they spread out more evenly? And then – oh, God. Please, please tell me she's Playwrights are Jessie Jones, Nicholas Hope, and Jamie Wooten, collectively known as "Jones
When the Role is Jessie Nicholas Jones Hope Theatrical Rights
Peggity still alive. (Indicates her clothing) Commercials. It's some new security business. (Performs in a crackly witch's voice.) Female Comedy Hope Wooten." For students using this monologue in Individual Events, slate can use "Jones
Called Up Yonder Jamie Wooten Worldwide
Secure your data today, block thieves with Witch Lock – you'll never break our spell, hackers! (Gives a witchy Hope Wooten" as the playwright name.
cackle.) I am be-hind in the rent. So now I'm Wanda the Witch, and if it keeps me from being evicted, I'll ride that
broom as long as I can hang onto it.
Hey again. So I'm trying to get more healthy. Mostly. Most of the time. I thought you should know. So, you know, don't
worry about me or anything. Come on, Doug. Wake up now. Just wake up. I'm here. I'm here to wake you up, okay?
It's been a long time, I know, and I just want to ... Jeeze. What am I doing here? I'm so sick of your---. WHO GETS
STRUCK BY LIGHTNING?! ON THEIR ROOF?! I hate to tell you this, you stupid genius, but getting up on the roof in
the middle of a electrical storm isn't a brilliant move! So congratulations on almost being married. I mean, I heard
about it. I heard about her. Elaine. Elaine. She sounds lovely. Poor girl. You probably made the right decision,
though. I don't think you're gonna be ready to settle down till you stop climbing up on the roof, you know? I mean, I'm
no model citizen, but I do know basic things about personal safety. I mean, you're not the first groom to get cold feet.
I feel like an idiot here. I was pretty sure, I'd get here, say two words to you and you'd snap out of this. Because it's
Gruesome ME! It's KAYLEEN DOUGIE! I'm BACK! Last time I saw you you'd just blown out your stupid eye. It was this same
Playground Kayleen hospital. Twice in ten years. Nor stellar for a couple of kids supposed to be best friends. Twice! Well, I guess this is Female Rajiv Joseph Dramatists Drama
Injuries three times. Does this count? Does it count if one of us might be brain dead? Of course you've always been brain
dead, haven't you, Dougie? Ha ha ha. What else what else what else what else ... ? You can't marry that girl, Doug.
You can't. Because what about me? What about me, huh? When my dad died, when you ... when you came to the
funeral home that night ... That stuff you said to me ... You're always doing that, you know? The top ten best things
anyone's ever done for me have all been done by you. That's pretty good, right? And I know. I know I know I know ...
I'm so stupid. And so I need you to stick it out, Dougie. I'm gonna need you to come looking for me again. I'm sorry.
But you have to wake up now. You have to wake up for me. Because I'm not great, you know? I'm not great. And I
really need you right now. I really need you to come over and tell me some stupid joke like you always do. I'm sorry
I've been gone. I'm back now. You know? I'm back now. So wake up. Wake up now, buddy. Just, you know ... rise
and shine. It's Tuesday. That was always your favorite day.
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
I took a walk tonight. I walked over to Broad and Olney. I was breathing okay, Treat. I didn't have no allergic reaction
like you said I would. I took the subway, Treat. Harold told me the secret. You can stand all day at the turnstile putting
in nickels and dimes, you can say Open Assasime and all kinds of words, but it won't do any good unless you have
one of these magical coins. If Harold hadn’t given me one I never would have been able to take that ride. You never
told me about them token booths! You never told me nothing! You told me I would die if I went outside. I can breathe,
Treat. Look! My tongue ain't hanging out. My face ain't swollen! I walked over to Broad and Olney tonight, Treat. I
Concord
Orphans Phillip seen people walking, and I heard children laughing. I wasn't scared no more ‘cause Harold gave me something. He Male Lyle Kessler Drama
Theatricals, Inc.
gave me this! You never gave me no map, Treat. You never told me I could find my way! Nothing’s gonna happen to
me, Treat, ‘cause I know where I am now. I know where I am, and you ain't never gonna take that away from me. I'm
at Sixty-Forty North Camac Street, in Philadelphia, Treat! I'm on the Eastern edge of the state of Pennsylvania in the
United States of America! I'm on the Northern American Continent on the Planet Earth, in the Milky Way Galaxy,
swimming in a great ocean of space! I'm safe and sound at the very edge of the Milky Way! That's where I am, Treat!
And you're it, Treat.
When it looks like I'm mad, Em, I'm really just...well, I'm frustrated. No, I should explain. Because here I am, telling
you to be all perky or whatever.. I know I'm not really smart or anything. And I can't fix anything for you. I don't have
answers. I just know you're really special. I mean, God, you're like brilliant, and you've always done everything right.
Mom and Dad have always been prouder of you than they are of me. Because they know, you know? That you like
Finding a Cord Samantha Female Catherine Keyser Playscripts
can't help doing something really special with all the talents that you have, and you're so patient! I could never be that
patient. I'm always fighting, you know? I'm going this way, then that, and I don't ever really know where I'm going.
Like these cigarettes. Why the hell am I smoking a cigarette in my parents’ basement? It’s not making a real
statement or anything. Even if she notices, what important thing am I saying by that? Nothing!
You know why I'm angry? You really want to know? My roommate Wendi steals my cigarettes. She steals my
cigarettes and it creates a rage in me greater and more terrifying than the rage created in me by the thought of early
death caused by many forms of cancer, even though I don't have any of them and even if I didn't they could be
diagnosed in time and I could probably be saved. Unless it was head cancer. Or throat cancer. Or lung cancer. Which
I do not stand a good chance of getting, if I stop. But that's not why I'm going to stop. I am going to stop because
Broadway Play
The Wall of Water Meg when Wendi steals my cigarettes, she doesn't steal all of them. She steals all of them but one. I take it as a sign of Female Sherry Kramer Comedy
Publishing, Inc.
the influence of a civilization on even the criminally insane that Wendi never takes my last one. It has nothing to do
with consideration. Compassion. Courtesy. Wendi has left all those things far behind. Trains can't stop her. Bullets
can't stop her. She threatens to leap from tall buildings in a single bound. Medical science can't reach her. But the
myth of the last cigarette stops her. Dead, every time. If she would just take the last cigarette, maybe I wouldn't be so
angry. But no, she takes nineteen and stops. She opens a fresh pack, empties them all out, and replaces one.
I'm not anything. Except confused. By a guy who tells me that he’s interested in me. “Very,” in fact was the word he
used. “I am very interested in you.” And we date, and then we stop, and then he sends me stuff, like flowers and
letters, and keeps calling and wants to try one more time, he tells me… but then we do not go out. We see each other
Concord
Fat Pig Jeannie at work, but he keeps putting off the date because of … Gosh, I couldn't begin to list all the excuses because it’s Female Neil LaBute Drama
Theatricals, Inc
Monday afternoon and I would probably be here, like, through the weekend. But now I hear he’s met someone, a
someone who he has managed – even with his many obligations and boys’ nights out and all his other related
juvenile activities – he has somehow squeezed yet another person onto his social calendar.
Fine. Look... I wanna be truthful now, so just let me... you know, bumble along. All right? Helen.... I want you. Both
mentally and physically. Each curve, every last inch of you. I'd hope you can see that by now... So... I don't know how
to do this. To say exactly how I'm feeling because, you know, I'm a guy, and we're taught how to kick stuff and tear
wings off... but, look... I can see that we've got something here, I'm not stupid, right? - do not answer that - and I need
Concord
Fat Pig Tom you to know. That I know. I'm really just so... overcome by this. Here. Us. I don't take it lightly in or in some carefree Male Neil LaBute Drama
Theatricals, Inc
manner at all. No. Helen, you are just, well, very important to me... very... Look, I'm falling for you, falling hard, and...
yeah. I am, and I hope that you give me a chance to prove that in the near future, at the aforementioned volleyball-
slash-beach party or at some other to-be-determined public gathering. And if you take that other job, even a few
towns over, it'd be a real, you know. Bad thing. Okay, that sort've sucked, but most of the ingredients were in there...
Cute ... little ... lizard ... friend. How dare you, sir. King Arthur, are you a dunderhead? I will have you know, sir, that
that beast you see before you is not cute. She is hideously grotesque. And I will have you know, sir, she is not little.
She is hugely gigantic. And I will have you know, sir, she is most certainly not a lizard. She is the most foul, fire- Comedy /
Camelot and breathing dragon in all of Camelot ... in all the land ... in all the world. And she is not my friend. She is my sworn Dramatic Theatre for
Ruth Female Stacey Lane The author allows for character genders/pronouns to be adjusted for the performers.
Camelittle enemy. And sir, she will not be attending your cute, adorable little May Day Festival because I have slain that dragon. Publishing Young
Stop laughing. I have never been more serious about anything in my life. Don't you see that it is my destiny to join Audiences
you as a Knight of the Round Table? You were little once, and people laughed at you. But then you pulled a sword
out of a stone, and.... I can do that. Just give me a stone.
All right! You want the truth? I don't have the right clothes! Or shoes! For varsity? That "Rummage Rag" stuff? That's
what the girls call me in what you got. You know that? The locker room! The Track! EVERYWHERE! "Hey 'Rummage
Rag'!" Beat-up second hand canvas sneakers. Big boxer shorts from God knows where! Down to my knees! Boy's
aren't they? They've got a fly! From the bottom of the heap of some church tag sale where you're always pickin
through junk? Other kids have six, eight pair of Nikes, Pumas, Adidas! Just to wear to class! They've got iPods, cells - Concord
Speckled Birds Angie Female White* Shirley Lauro 2
designer jeans - credit cards for God's sake! They make fun of everything about me! You know that? My BUCK Theatricals, Inc
TEETH? And like I told you about a thousand times how I need braces and have to keep my upper lip over these
crooked things so they won't show! Like this? But they show anyhow! So - "Squirrely Girl" is what they call me too!
And "Trailer Trash" - when they see me get off the bus for this shaky rattletrap!! Why don't you get me a house and
designer jeans and a cell?
Cut me a break? You think it's easy for me? And that if something goes wrong for me, it must be you? I am trying to
"outlast danger" too, Theo. If you want to know. To "live" like what you told me the definition means. Evangeline's
also making "the ultimate attempt" like you called it. But is failing - if you want to know! Has failed in fact! I only came
Concord
Speckled Birds Angie here to say goodbye. She moves very fast to get what she wants. My Aunt Clarice. She got them to take Grandma to Female White* Shirley Lauro 2 Drama
Theatricals, Inc.
a clinic this morning. For a day of tests. Then she's going right into a long term facility. And Grandma? She actually
thinks it's for the best! What I know is Clarice is picking me up to go live with her in Knoxville! Today! Be "A Part Time
Kitchen Girl" called "Little Clarice"! It's the end of any dream.
Oh-mi-God! Don't eat any more candy? Like you're getting revenge on them - having the rottenest teeth in town? So
they'll notice you - like: "Look at the holes in that son of mine's teeth!" Listen to me, please? I - I know you deep inside
- like you know me - I can read your thoughts. You have to get over your parents, Theo. They'll never change and
pay attention to you. They are so over! A Kid's "wish" - like you told me about my Mom. Like in reality? It's your teeth
are rotting. And in the office at school? You're volunteering! You've just about computerized every area and category Concord
Speckled Birds Angie Female White* Shirley Lauro 2 Drama
in the entire school. I mean, I've thought about it before - I mean, like the things you know how to do are totally Theatricals, Inc
awesome, Theo - like - like you are - Only - you're like, "Hey make a joke of me, please?" You do that totally! Like
letting the principal get off on you: "Hey, Teddy Bear"! When you are helping him out! Monumentally!! Other kids get
paid doing office work! Make him pay you? Then you buy me that cool gear - that'd be your gift then - like the poem.
And I - I'd think that was awesome - like it'd open the door - and I could really "run like the wind" then -
OH THANK GOD! DON'T GET ON THAT BUS! And like if - if the program could find your Mother - right? And like if
she'd come be with you - it's like everything would be wonderful! Right? You wouldn't have to live in Knoxville - your
mama would take care of you - you'd keep Grandma at home - and everybody'd live happily ever after! That isn't
going to happen! You're soo smart - and you can't see that? You'll never find your mother because she doesn't want
to be found - or she'd've come back to you a long time ago! It's just your wish! And "if wishes were horses beggars
would ride!" Webster's dictionary, quote: "a wish: Something one wants, desires, longs for" - a kid's fantasy. Angie, is
what a wish is. GET RID OF IT AND GET AWAY FROM HERE. And listen up? You and Grandma had a dream once, Concord
Speckled Birds Theo Male White Shirley Lauro 2 Drama
right? Be an athlete - like your Dad - "Run like the Wind" - get a scholarship - be somebody? Not such a strange Theatricals, Inc
dream! Lots of families dream like that! "Dream" - second and preferred meaning - to Theo - "to scheme, plan to
attain something." Third and also preferred meaning - to Theo: "to consider something as a possibility, to give serious
consideration to"! Your dream's a "possibility," Angie! It only needs your "serious consideration" - you only have "to
scheme and plan to attain it! DON'T LEAVE! PLEASE? You can make your dream happen - swear to God!
Remember what the poem said about Evangeline? "The story of a woman's courage - " I- I want you to stay! I - I
need you to, Angie! For me? Stay?
I'm not the type to give bad news over the phone. I drive up to the house. Give them time to see my car. Ring the
doorbell. Wait for someone to answer the front door. By then ... by then they know. Words are just a formality. Words
make it real. Final. Once inside, I get them to sit down. I know how this thing goes. There's gonna be tears. There's
gonna be anger. There's gonna be a call for blood. At this point, I like to imagine I'm on TV, Law & Order, some cop
The Absolute show. I'm just an actor saying lines from like from a script. I give it to them straight. No bull. Like in this case, I say to
Brightness of Chuck the mother and the daughter - we still gotta do an autopsy, but the cause of death is clear. A quick, clean blow to the Male James Lecesne Dramatists Drama
Leonard Pelkey head with a blunt object. Definitely homicide. Then whoever done it wrapped him in some netting, tied him with rope,
weighted his body to an anchor and dropped him in the lake where he's been waiting for us for over a week. I
promise them we're gonna do whatever we can to find the person - or persons - who done this. Then I tell the mother
we're going to need her to come down to the morgue tomorrow morning to, y'know, identify the body. I suggest she
ask someone to drive her. Someone to offer a shoulder. Emotional support or whatever?
Thank you, Your Honor, for the opportunity to talk. I really wasn't going to say anything, but driving over here I
remembered something, something I learned from Leonard. He taught me that people can do all kinds of things they
didn't think they were capable of. So with your permission, Your Honor, I'd like to say a few words to Travis here. If
you want to know the truth, I was disappointed to find out that the state of New Jersey doesn't offer the Death
Penalty. I'm not proud of the fact that I wanted to see you suffer in the worst possible way. A life sentence seemed
like letting you off easy. Now they tell me you'll get maybe twenty-five years at most. Twenty-five years. So I'm just
wondering, Travis, do you think that's fair?... Do you? The past few weeks I've been sitting here in this courtroom
listening as your lawyers talked about Leonard in ways that, well, if they weren't so mean they would have made me
laugh out loud. A lot of what they said was downright lies. You know that, right? But over and over they kept bringing
up this one point, and I have to admit they were right. They kept saying how Leonard was too much. And he was. He
The Absolute was too much. But they said it like being too much... too much yourself, is the worst sort of crime. Worse than even
Brightness of Ellen murder. And I'm guilty of it too. Over and over we warned him, told him to tone it down. The way he dressed, his Female James Lecesne Dramatists Drama
Leonard Pelkey behavior. We were afraid for him. Afraid of what people like you might do to him. But now I'm standing here looking at
you and I realize – you were afraid of him. Maybe so was I. Maybe we all were. Maybe that's why we tried so hard to
convince him to be less himself? Look, Leonard was no picnic. No one knows this better than me. But he's gone now.
And it turns out we didn't get enough of what we once thought was too much. Travis Lembeck, I can never forgive
you for the evil that you've done. But earlier today I was thinking, maybe the whole purpose of evil in this world is to
get people to stand up, and, y'know, be better. Maybe without evil the just people of the world, people who are going
along, living their lives, minding their own business, maybe they would never find the courage to come forward and
do the right thing. And the right thing to do today is to stand here before this court and say Leonard Pelkey was a
good person. He changed my life, he changed all our lives. He made us believe in goodness gaagain. And even you,
Travis, despite the evil that you've done, even you can't take that away from us. I won't let you. Thank you, Your
Honor. That's all I have to say.
No. I'm fine. Sorry. I didn't know who else to call. Promise me you won't tell my mom... No. Promise... Okay, so
there's this boy I'm kinda dating and today he asked me over to his house after school. And hey, I'm not the kind of
girl who gets invited to boy's houses after school. So I said sure, whatever, I'm game. When I show up, he's upstairs
in his bedroom, sitting in the glow of a virtual landscape. Me, I'm standing over his shoulder, watching the screen as
American soldiers race back and forth. And Boom. Boom. Boom. He blows up the soldiers one by one. I can tell by
The Absolute his dead-eye stare he's really into it. And I'm about to go. But then he tells me he's been thinking and maybe it'd be
Brightness of Phoebe best if him and me, we didn't get too attached on account of the fact that as soon as he graduates, he's outta here. Female James Lecesne Dramatists Drama
Leonard Pelkey Gonna join the army. Wants to rack up some real-life kills. On a real battlefield. In real time. And right then, I realize I
don't know this guy. He's a stranger. And the boy I've been crushing on is just someone I made up and wanted to
believe in. He's like one of those life-size cardboard cutouts of ex-presidents and movie stars you stand beside and
have your picture taken to make you feel all better about yourself. But in that instant, my made-up boyfriend
disappears. His too-cool attitude, his tobacco-tasting kisses, his upper arms and torso tight against his T-shirt, boom,
boom, boom - all of it - gone. And I'm standing in a room, alone, with a boy who wants to kill someone.
Matt, come on, just wait a second! Matt, please! Can't you see what it's doing to us to see you like this? Like, this
tragic, just... non-entity! That came out wrong! That came out wrong! Please, hear me out. I just... Matt, do you
remember when I went through that big depression in grad school where I was like, suicidal? I remember calling you,
and you convincing me to take a shower. And then four hours later once I'd managed to do that, you talked me into
eating a sandwich. And little by little, step by step, you got me through the worst of it. I don't know how I would have
Straight White Drama (Dark
Drew survived that time without you. But that's all I was doing, was surviving. I wasn't really living. So then Mom died... and Male White Young Jean Lee Dramatists 3
Men Comedy?)
I went to see a therapist, and my whole life started to change. Every good thing that's happened to me has happened
since then! Matt, please just give it a shot! Matt, you gotta help me out here. I'm not gonna watch you destroy your
life. I've been enabling you for too long. I'm not gonna do it. If you won't agree to make some honest attempt to
improve your life, I'm done, man. I can't have any more contact with you. Just promise me you're gonna take one
positive step. I'll do everything in my power to help you.
I've been applying to probably two jobs a day for the last four months probably. But they wanted experience, all the
jobs, and I don't have any experience, I guess. I mean, I went to college, and I always thought that was an
experience, but I guess it’s not apparently. Everywhere I go, they're like, well can you do Excel? Can you do
Powerpoint? And it just gets to the point where you're like, I can't even get a job at Bed Bath & Beyond. Like literally, I
tried to get a job at Bed Bath & Beyond near Union Square and I had an interview and I thought it went pretty well,
but then they never even called me back, because I didn't have enough experience. Even though I had a lot of
experience in selling, in making sales, I worked at the art gallery for over three and a half months, until it closed,
Core Values Eliot which was not my fault the owner was a cocaine addict, but they said selling art was different, it was a different kind Female Steven Levenson Dramatists Comedy
of skill set from home goods and they were worried I would have a hard time adjusting, in terms of skill sets. And I
was, like, that’s not true. And they were, like, well, we think it is true. And I was like, there are skills I have that could
be really valuable to you. And they were like, like what skills? And I was like, like my personality. I have a really good
personality and I'm personable and I can talk to people from all walks of life and I went to a really good college and
I'm smart and if you teach me how to sell home goods, I can sell home goods, I swear to God. And they were, like,
we disagree. And I was like well you're totally wrong. And they were like well actually you're totally wrong and we're
the ones who get to decide, so yeah, don't call us, We'll call you!
I don't happen to have a husband. I ceased to have one over a year ago. I shot him. He was a Frenchman, and I was
really very fond of him. I found out after a year that he had a mistress. That I could have put up with, for after all you
must expect Frenchmen to be a little bit French. But he began bringing her home to tea. I used to say, "Please, dear,
don't bring that woman home to tea. Send her some tea, if you like, but it's not right to bring her here for it." He was
Springtime for very sweet to me in his own way and promised he would try not to. But he was rather weak, and this was one of the Concord
Miss Smith Female Ben W. Levy Comedy
Henry temptations he really couldn't resist. A few months later I found out he had another mistress also, and, after fighting Theatricals, Inc
against it for some time, he surrendered to an impulse, and invited them both to tea. I argued with him very nicely,
and pointed out that it would be so bad for little Pierre to grow up thinking that mistresses for tea was in the natural
course of things. So I bought a second-hand revolver and said that I was terribly sorry but, if he did it again, I really
would have to take the law into my own hands. Well, poor darling, he did it again.
That's fine?? You do know the Sadie Hawkins dance is where the girl asks the guy out? I'm, like, the only girl who
talks to you. Anne Margaret? But she's the most popular girl in school. She's super outta your league. ...No, I'm pretty
sure she's outta your league. She's hot, she's smart, she's super talented. You know she's a quasi-professional
dancer. If you had to ask Anne to the dance that would already be a humiliating rejection situation. But getting Anne
Teenage Dick Buck to ask YOU? I mean what's your angle, hypnosis or cash? Plus why Eddie's ex-girlfriend? Is it a copycat thing? A Female Mike Lew Dramatists 2 Drama Buck is wheelchair-bound.
revenge thing? A sex thing? A sex-revenge-copycat thing? Wait! Richard: Is this a scheme? You are always
scheming. Wait! Richard: Are you running for president? Ommmmmmmmiiigoooood. Is getting a date with Anne
MArgaret the first step in some kind of elaborate, multi-step scheme for getting elected senior class president?? It is,
isn't it. CONFESSSSSSS.
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
It's a huge deal for me, OKAY? All I have to do is survive here for another year and a half. I'm not- I don't know who
you think I am: a bauble, a trophy, someone who's immune to the snickering of gossiping mean girls. Whatever you
think I am, I am not that, okay? This room is where I go to escape! Why do you think I'm here six days a week? I just
have to stay under the radar long enough to get out of town and go be a whole new person once I finally get to New
York. Oh really? You love someone too stupid to use protection. You love someone who hates herself. I hate the idiot
Teenage Dick Anne who could throw away her whole future like that. You have no idea what I went through. All these nurses barging in Female Mike Lew Dramatists 7 Drama
and out of the room but none of them held my hand. They looked at their clipboards more than they looked at me.
And It's like - I'm a dancer. I've been dancing my whole life, but to them I'm nothing more than an idiot teen. And
they're right. I am that. So why should they think any more of me than I am? I was. I was completely alone for it. I
bled for four days and had no one but the internet to tell me if it was normal or not. This isn't about Eddie. I'm not
protecting him, I'm protecting myself! Richard we are in high school. I mean what does love mean? It's not even real.
Hi there. I know this is Richard's story so I'll be out of your way in a minute, but... Funny how it's always Richard's
story. Or not Richard's but, you know, Hamlet's. Or Henry the VIII's. Or Eddie's. Or Tom's. If this were my story? It'd
be about how I always kept my head down, and waited. Just waited patiently, and survived, and then left this place.
Because this is not me. This is not who I am. I am not some idiot girl who got pregnant and everyone... everyone
knows. I am not the kind of person who misplaces her trust. I'm not some small-town girl in a small-minded town. I'm
not someone who keeps refreshing her phone to an endless social media feed of taunts and barbs and reminders of
Teenage Dick Anne Female Mike Lew Dramatists 8 Drama
all the idiot things that I've done. I'm not a tossed-off afterthought like in a Shakespeare play where the ladies are all a
bunch of objects and character foils and plot devices. I am not that person. I am above all that. I am a professional
dancer. I'm a famous choreographer. I'm soaring above the floorboards at Lincoln Center. I'm not a stupid lonely girl
with no options. I'm not locked in a bathroom holding a box cutter. I'm... I have agency. I'm above the fray... You're
right in the fray. I'm above petty gossip... You are the gossip. I am free... You are chained. Sorry. So sorry. This isn't
my story. I'll go now, I'll go. In a minute I'll be out of your way.
So, I don't see any photos anywhere. The one in the article was nice. Him at the beach. I used to have a shirt just like
that one. The one he’s wearing in the picture. I might’ve been going too fast. That day. I'm not sure, but I might’ve
been. So… that’s one of the things I wanted to tell you. It’s a thirty zone. And I might’ve been going thirty-three. Or
Rabbit Hole Jason thirty-two. I would usually look down, to check, and if I was a little over, then I'd slow down obviously. But I don't Male David Lindsay-Abaire Dramatists Drama
remember checking on your block, so it’s possible I was going a little too fast. And then the dog came out, really
quick, and so I swerved a little to avoid him, not knowing, obviously… So that’s something I thought you should know.
I might’ve been going a little over the limit. I can't be positive either way though.
No, no, NO. OK, you wanna play that game? You wanna play the Blame Game? Forget Sosa/McGwire— forget Barry
Balco Bonds — Blame the Bambino! Blame Babe-blubber butt-Ruth for making us — will you let me finish? For
making us fall in love with the Home Run and for ruining the integrity of a game that was never conceived of by Abner
Doubleday — will you let me finish? — to be an exhibition of power — but Rather — yes I just said rather — an
exhibition of Beauty — yes I just said beauty — AND THIS is WHY, oh by the way, yes, this is WHY!! the man
standing at the plate right now? he’s gonna save us, because, In Spite of his Power but Because is his Beauty —
because he is a good, no, a great man — while the rest of them lied, and smirked, and had sex with Kate Hudson,
The Whirligig Derrick and let the testosterone corrode their souls — oh, AND ADDITIONALLY — (and this should be incidental but it is a Male Hamish Linklater Dramatists Drama
perfect example so I will cite it), because he picked up that MICROPHONE and walked out on the mound at Fenway,
after those marathon terrorists had tired their worst, tried to tear us apart, he said, and I quote, — yes my voice is
breaking a little because I am a human being, Curtis — and I quote: “This... is our F-ing city.” … I KNOW I HAVE
NEVER LEFT BERKSHIRE COUNTY — and so, not because of his numbers, but BECAUSE of his spirit, his soul,
which is a beautiful one: David Ortiz, Big Papi, will be the first player inducted into Baseball’s Hall of Fame — let me
finish — IN SPITE of the fact that he was a drug addict, whatever, used steroids, H.G.H. — and on cue he strikes out.
No, you're right. There’s no point caring anymore.
Bores you?! Bores you?! – Try working for you for a living! – The talking-talking-talking-won't-he-ever-shut-up titanic
self-absorption of the man! You stand there trying to look so deep when you're nothing but a solipsistic bully with your
grandiose self-importance and lectures and arias and let’s-look-at-the-canvas-for-another-few-weeks-let’s-not-paint-
let’s-just-look. And the pretension! The pretension! I can't imagine any other painter in the history of art ever tried so
Red Ken hard to be SIGNIFICANT! You know, not everything has to be so IMPORTANT all the time! Not every painting has to Male John Logan Dramatists Drama
rip your guts out and expose your soul! Not everyone wants art that actually HURTS! Sometimes you just want a still
life or landscape or soup can or comic book! Which you might learn if you ever actually left your hermetically-sealed
submarine here with all the windows closed and no natural light – BECAUSE NATURAL LIGHT isn't GOOD
ENOUGH FOR YOU!
I find reality pretty difficult. I find the business of getting out of bed and getting on with the day really hard. I find
picking up my phone to be a mamoth struggle. The number on my inbox. The friends who won't see me anymore.
The pictures of salad. The constant news alerts. Cars driving into crowds. Misogyny. War. The end of the world. The
moral ambivalence you have to have these days just to get out of bed. I find the knowledge that we're all just atoms
and one day we'll stop and be dirt in the ground, I find that overwhlemingly... disappointing. And I wish I could feel
People, Places, & otherwise. I wish I could be like you. Or my mother. To feel that somet higns are predetermined and meaningful and Dramatists Play
Emma Female Duncan MacMillan 1 Drama
Things that we're somewhere on a track between the start and finish lines. But I can't because I care about what's true, Service
what's actually, verifiably true. You're able to forfeit rationality for a comforting untruth so how are you supposed to
help me/ You're looking at the world through such a tight filter you're barely living in it. You're barely alive. Drugs and
alcohol have never let me down. They have always loved me. There are substances I can put into my bloodstream
that make the world perfect. That is the only absolute truth in the universe. I'm being difficult because you want to
take it away from me. So ... sorry.
If it's vital to my recovery that I come to believe in a power greater than me - to turn my life over to God and have Him
remove my defects of character, if this all depends on me having a spiritual awakening then we might all just be
wasting our time. I think we might be. I'm worried that a trained medical professional with this many certificates can
also wear a crucifix. ... such a boring conversation of course it does of course it f-ing does I really need you to be
cleverer than this. I really need you to at least match me intellectually because otherwise I'm going to leave and if I
leave I don't know if. ... I'm not powerless. I'm not helpless. I don't believe addiction is a disease and I'm scared and
People, Places, & angered by the suggestion that from now on it's either eternal abstinence or binge to death. I can't surrender to a Dramatists Play
Emma Female Duncan MacMillan 1 Drama
Things higher power because there isn't one. There just isn't. And you, as someone who lives in the twenty-first century Service
should know that. I wake up in wet sheets. In places I don't recognise. With bruises I can't account for. Men I don't
know. I've stolen from people. I've slept on the streets. I'm in trouble. I know that. But this book, this process can't
help me. You can't help me. You want me to conceptualize a universe in which I am the sole agent of my destiny and
at the same time acknoqledge my absolute powerlessness. It's a fatal contradiction and I won't start building
foundations on a flawed premise. There is no meaning to anything. There are no beginnings, middles, and ends, I am
not the product of the decisions I've made or the things that have happened to me. I will not be reduced to that.
Janis Joplin died of a heroin oversdoes. Quite an ironic choice of song there Foster. God, is this what parties are like
without alcohol? No, but seriously, I want to say a few things. It's Sarah actually. My name is Sarah. I'm sorry I've not
been honest with you about that. Or anything, really. Truth is difficult when you lie for a living. But here goes. Hello,
my name is Sarah. (The Group give her their attention. For a moment, she doesn't know what she's going to say
next.) I'm not going to say that I'm an addict and an alcoholic. I'm not going to say I'm powerless or surrender. I won't
join your tribe. I don't belong to you. I can't surround myself with people who think the same as me because that's
madness. I'm sharing a truth with you. You all talk as if you're the problem but the problem isn't you, the problem is
People, Places, & Dramatists Play
Emma EVERYTHING ELSE. Self-medicating is the only way to survive in a world that is broken. It took my brother eight Female Duncan MacMillan 1 Drama
Things Service
hours to die. Where's the meaning in that? If there's a higher power then strike me down. Come ye spirits that tend on
mortal thoughts. ... I'd like to believe that my problems are meaningful. But they're not. There are people dying of
thirst. People living in war zones and here we are thinking about ourselves. As if we can solve everything by
confronting our own defects. We're not defective. It's the world that's f---ed. Shouldn't we feel good for those who
can't? Don't we owe it to them to say "f-- this, let's drink?" If I deny myself choice then what am I? I want to live. I want
to live vividly and make huge, spectacular, heroic mistakes. Because what else is there? This? Shame and boredom
and orange squash? Let's have a real drink. One drink just to know that the world won't end.
My brother had a brain haemorrhage while reading Pinocchio to a group of five-year-olds. Mark. He was two years
younger than me and never touched drugs or alcohol. He ran marathons. For charity. I should have died a thousand
times but it was him who ... If I tell you I was sexually abused or the child of alcoholics, if I tell you I returned from
back-to-back tours of Iraq and started to self-medicate wouldn't that all just be a massive simplifcation of the
complexity of just being a human person? ... Was I what? That's not... You're not listening to what I'm... I first got
drunk with my brother when I was eleven and he was ten. I stole three bottles of Communion wine and when I
People, Places, & vomited it looked like blood. Is this the kind of thing you want to hear? No, it's not the truth. I never had a brother. And Dramatists Play
Emma Female Duncan MacMillan 1 Drama
Things he didn't die in front of children. He died in his car. Or he was stillborn maybe. Or he grew up and died of old age. It's Service
not lying. It's admitting there's no truth to begin with. Have you read Foucault? Or Derrida? Baudrillard? Barthes? I
can't base my survival on slogans and abstractions and vagueness. I'm not someone who can do Pilates on a beach
and mistake relaxation for spirituality. I spent a year in the Far East but I didn't find enlightenment, I found slums and
sex tourism. I chose this place because it's ugly and grey and in the middle of a car park and I can look out on traffic
and homeless people and remind myself that the world is just purposeless chaos. I need something definitive. I need
to be fixed.
Yeah. I used to think that too. ... With a ply you get instructions. Stage directions. Dialogue. Someone clothes you.
Tells you where to be and when. You get to live the most intese moments of a life over and over again, with all the
boring bits left out. And you get to practice. For weeks. And you're applauded. Then you get changed. Leave through
the stage door. Bus home. Back to real life. All the boring stuff left in. Waiting. Temping. Answering phones and
serving canapés. Nothing permanent. Can't plan. Can't get a mortgage or pay for a car. Audition comes in. Try to look
right. Sit in a room surrounded by people who look just like you, all after the same part. Never hear back. Or if you get
the part it'll be sitting aroudn in hreeharsal and backstage and making less than you did temping. Make these
friendships with people, a little family, fall in love onstage and off and tehn it's over and you don't see them again. You
try not to take it personally when people who aren't as good as you get the parts. When you go from being the sexy
People, Places, & ingénue to the tired mother of three. But you keep going because sometimes, if you're really lucky, you get to be Dramatists Play
Emma Female Duncan MacMillan 1 Drama
Things onstage and say things that are absolutely true, even if they're made up. You get to do things that feel more real to Service
you, more authentic, more meaningful than anything in your own life. You get to speak poetry, words you would never
think to say but which become yours as you speak them. When he shall die / take him and cut him out in little stars, /
and he will make the face of heaven so fine / that all the world will be in love with night, / and pay no worship to the
garish sun. ... It feels like Lydia wants me to acknowledge some buried trauma but there isn't any. I played Antigone
and every night my heart broke about her dead brother. Then my own brother died and I felt nothing. I missed the
funeral because I had a matinee. I'm not avoiding talking to the group because I've got something to hide. If I'm not in
character I'm not sure I'm really there. I'm already dead. I'm nothing, I want to live a hundred lives and be everywhere
and fight against the infinitesimal time we have on this planet. Acting gives me the same thing I get from drugs and
alcohol. Good parts are just harder to come by. ... I really ... I really miss my brother.
If you come to the party I won't stop you. But if you try to sing I will. (Emma laughs. Mark isn't joking.) It may be stupid
but it's important. A lot of people here are trying really hard to make themselves well. They're being honest to a group
of strangers. Tehy're taking risks. They're turning themselves inside out and not sitting on the sidelines. You don't get
People, Places, & to do karaoke unless you're part of the Group. You want to0 join the party, join the party. (Mark stands in the Dramatists Play
Mark Male Duncan MacMillan 1 Drama
Things doorway.) Hello, I'm Sarah. I'm Sarah and I'm an alcoholic and drug addict. I'm a liar and I'm going to f-- this up and Service
break all your hearts by dropping dead on the bedroom floor becasue I'm too f'ing intestersted in staring into the blank
void of my own personality. I'm Sarah. Possibly. Who really knows? I'm Sarah and I'm brilliant at being other people
and totally useless ant being myself. I'm Sarah.
Richie, you need to stop. OK? You need to stop right now. This man is going to help us and you are just acting like a
pig. Now you get your Christian on you and be nice, you hear me? Look at me. Look at me. Donnie in the hospital
Dramatic Historical
Loving Mildred from that car. People coming in our house at night and arresting us. The house you built waiting for us back home Female African American Peter Manos
Publishing Drama
and we can't even get inside of it together without they hold years in jail over our heads. You think on that, boy. You
think on that hard without the head God gave you and stop thinking with your sore butt. Ok, Mr. Cohen.
Number one, this is my real hair. Number two, yes, it's his money, and he doesn't care what I do with it as long as I'm
happy. And number three – I want to talk to you, woman-to-woman. I can really help you, you know. If more of us,
who are competent, join the circuit, eventually they'll have to let one of us win. So let's get down to business. I don't
know what the scarecrow, the tin man, and the lion have been telling you, but it's different for us. You have to be
Cannibal really careful not to give the crowd everything. Don't let them use you as entertainment. Okay, so like, costume for
Airness Female Chelsea Marcantel Playscripts 3 Comedy
Queen one thing. You'll see girls who do the whole short skirt, pigtails, slinky boots thing – they never win. The organizers
love when they enter, because they'll give the crowd something to drool over. But they never place. They'll tell you to
smile, jump around, give you a show, but don't listen to that garbage. I don't give them anything but the music. You
have to fight for every second of stage time, and that starts with not dressing like a groupie. And you need a better
song. Your freestyle round in Staten Island was nonsense.
I loved you! I loved our band and our apartment and our life. I loved you. I'm not doing this to get you back. When
someone breaks your heart, you find out what they love most in the whole world. Then you take it from them. You
broke up our REAL band, you broke up our REAL relationship, for what? To mess around with somebody else's wife
Airness The Nina and spend every night with people who think you're cool because you're the best at IMAGINARY GUITAR? To play Female Chelsea Marcantel Playscripts 3 Comedy
PRETEND with a gaggle of second-rate UNDATEABLE LOSERS who couldn't be contributing members of society if
they tried? THIS is your kingdom? THIS is where you're god? You ruined my REAL LIFE, and you get to be happy in
PRETEND LAND? Absolutely not. It may be second-rate, it may be imaginary, but I'm here to take it from you.
Do you know what a Public Guardian is? No. Nothing like Batman. If a person, usually a poor person, dies, and
there's no family or friends or will that can be located, somebody still has to clean out their apartment, and bury their
body, and tie up their loose ends. That's my job. The apartment-cleaning bit. It was a match made in heaven. Nobody
wants that job, and at the time, nobody wanted me. I was bumming around, couldn't find anything steady. Had run up
some sizeable debts. I heard about this job from a buddy, and it sounded easy enough, so I applied. And I got it. You
basically just have to be willing to walk into disgusting apartments. Sometimes we have to wear hazmat suits and
bootees. These people can be dead for weeks, or months, before anyone finds them. Before anyone cares.
Sometimes there are flies, or roaches, or mice. Lots of times, people's apartments are just full of wall-to-wall junk.
This one lady last year, died standing up and stayed that way. There wasn't room in her place to fall over. We work in
pairs, to keep us from stealing. It's weird, seeing what strangers kept in their closets, what they ate, what movies they
watched, what kind of toilet paper they used. We go through everything, looking for signs of relationships. Is there an
address book? A business card? A computer? Who are the people in these photographs? Are they still alive, would
Airness Facebender Male White Chelsea Marcantel Playscripts 4 Comedy
they care that this person is dead? It's the most depressing kind of archaeology, but somebody has to do it. And that
somebody in San Diego County has been me, for the last few years. I've been through a lot of partners. But I'll tell
you one thing. When I die, somebody is gonna know. Right away. Lots of people. I used to go through my life like I
was gonna live forever, but now I know. It could be any day. But I won't go out anonymous. No stranger is going to
have to pick through my stuff, wondering if there's anybody out in the world who'd care to inherit the $300 in my bank
account. Before I started playing air guitar, I hadn't seen my daughter, or her mother, in like six years. I felt too much
time had passed, and I was embarrassed to reach out to them. Now, we hang out at least once a month. It's totally
awkward, but it's happening. It's getting there. My list of friends gets longer and longer. I text them every day. I hug
them every time I see them. When I de, there are gonna be so many broken-hearted punks playing sad, sad air guitar
solos at my funeral. I put it in my will. I look death in its nasty face every day. And then at night, I come here and I get
onstage and live like there's no tomorrow. Because there isn't. There really isn't. It's silly and it's fun and it's absurd,
but life is a slow march off a cliff into nothingness, so why not be as silly as you want.
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
Were that true, WERE that true, and I'm not saying it is, how hard a song rocks or how technically impressive it is, is
NOT the only thing to consider when choosing a song. Everything about "I Don't Wanna Grow Up" makes it perfect
for air guitar, for me, and for the Central Conference Finals. The Ramones are from Forest Hills, Queens. I am from
the South Side of Chicago. We are in Chicago now. This is all urban kismet. You are the music and the music is you!
You think I just picked my song off a jukebox? "I Don't Wanna Grow Up" was written by Tom Waits for the Bone
Machine album, and he wrote that song for EXACTLY ME. EXACTLY. It's about a young man, a few years into
adulthood, looking at his parents, looking at his society, and stating firmly, "This is broken, and I opt out." He doesn't
want the car, or the mortgage, or the soul-sucking job, or to be bald and filled with doubt. He doesn't have an
alternative solution, because he's running on fear, he's frantic, he's not thinking logically. The rhythm of it, the speed
Airness Shreddy Male Chelsea Marcantel Playscripts 4 Comedy
of the recording, the repetition – it's a tantrum. He's trying to stay a child, he's running as fast as he can in the
opposite direction, even though there's NOTHING THERE. It's messed up and it's inevitable. You can't not grow up.
That's what Tom Waits knew. What the Ramones recorded. That's what I bring to stage. It's hard work, The Nina.
Here (he smacks his head) and here (he smacks his heart). (Almost angry) You don't waltz into a qualifier with Guns
N' Roses because you're mad at your ex-boyfriend. We're here to share something, not to take something. Some of
us here want to win this because we believe it's special. You want to qualify in New York next month? You want to be
an air guitar champion? You need to risk everything, because you're gonna have to take it over my dead body. I'm
your friend backstage, I'm your friend in the green room, but for those sixty seconds onstage, I'm your competition.
And I bleed this.
Please! Stay. I want to apologize. Did you get my messages? I apologized, now forgive me! I was out of my mind. I
didn't mean all that stuff you heard me say to David. That wasn't the real me! He... he turns me into a rage monster.
It's really gnarly. It's like I took a time machine right back to our breakup. But I'm not that person anymore, I promise.
Airness The Nina Female Chelsea Marcantel Playscripts 4 Comedy
I'm a million times sorry, okay? Hey, remember San Diego? Remember when I calmed you down, and we all worked
as, like, a killer squad, and then you absolutely slayed? And then you added me to the group text? That's the real me.
That's the Nina.
Come on, just admit it, Vicious. You came tonight for one reason. To psych her out. I'm judging you. You're mean
when you're scared. You haven't bothered to support any of these people, including me, since your Sprite commercial
hit YouTube. You used to be the most fun guy on the whole circuit, Vicious. The absolute most fun guy to be around
backstage, or in the green room, or at the hotel. It didn't matter how you did onstage ton a particular night, you were
always excited to be in the room., That's the guy I want to be around. That's the guy we all want to be around. And I
Cannibal don't even know if he exists anymore. If your "legacy" is all you care about anymore, then you should be scared of
Airness Female Chelsea Marcantel Playscripts 5 Comedy
Queen The Nina. You've got the charisma on lock, Vicious, but she's a better guitarist than you. I've seen it. I watched your
old band videos online. They're on YouTube. It's not like I hacked your computer. She hasn't played since Staten
Island, how else am I supposed to know what I'm up against? I'll say this: I've never seen two people in the same
band who more wanted to be solo acts. The Nina's got terrible stage presence, and she's totally in her head, but
she's got good musicality. I've seen that girl literally everywhere this season – she knows everyone's strategies. If she
shows up here tonight and pounds it out enough to qualify, she's gonna come at us hard in the championship.
Do you know what your problem is? You can't stop looking at yourself. Air guitar, "there" guitar, it's the same thing. I
know that look. You're not inside the music, you're not onstage, you're in the audience, judging yourself. That's
something that rehearsal is not gonna fix. You gotta get up onstage and work through it. You wanna know why I show
up in these sad little venues month after month and pretend to do a thing I can actually do better than just about
Cannibal
Airness anyone in the world? Because there is a shield that I have to carry, all around myself, all day, every day, just to be Female Chelsea Marcantel Playscripts 5 Comedy
Queen
safe and move through the world. All the parts of myself that are freaky or loud or ugly or dangerous have to stay
tucked inside, so I don't feel what dudes shout at me on the street, or say about me in the halls of Congress. But
when I get onstage, sister, I can put that shield down and let all my darkness come rushing out. When's the last time
you felt that free, The Nina? Let it go, girl. Just take a breath, tell that voice in your head to shut up, and raise hell.
You don't! You don't! What, like that's big news? I shred harder, I work the crowd better ... you ... You give the
audience something to look at between real competitors. I have to be twice as good as you, because I don't get to
bounce around and bat my eyelashes. Instead of whining and crying about how girls never win, I don't know, Astrid,
why don't you just work harder, huh? You have every advantage that I do, plus more, so don't point your finger at me
Airness Vicious Male Chelsea Marcantel Playscripts 5 Comedy
and say I'm keeping you down. You have no idea what it's like, as a dude, to work and sweat and rehearse for weeks,
cut together the perfect song, drive for hours to compete, and then get upstaged by some barbie that just showed up
to have fun. You know what? You can't touch me. I'm channeling the rage and glory of my forefathers. That's why I'm
not scared of you, OR Nina. You're a sideshow around here. I'm the main event.
I don't mean to. What I'm trying to tell you, Ms. Steiner, in my very clumsy stupid way ... Being here?, studying with
you...? It's like a religious experience for me. No, really, it is. I mean, your voice has been inside my head for so long,
living in this secret place?, having this secret dialogue with me for like years? I mean, ever since high school when I
read The Business of Love...? I mean, from the opening lines of "Jerry, Darling," that was it for me, I was hooked, you
had me. I knew what I wanted to do, I knew what I wanted to be. I read all your stories, all of them, like five or six
Collected Stories Lisa times? I devoured them. I couldn't get enough, I kept wanting more. I even went to the library?, to look up your Female Donald Margulies Dramatists 1 1 Drama
uncollected stories? I sat there one day and read whatever I could find. They all have wonderful things in them. All of
them. The three in the New Yorker?, the ones in Ms. like from the early eighties?, that amazing one in that Esquire
summer reading issue?, you know: the Coney Island lifeguard one? The Kenyon Review? So if I seem like a
scyophant or an idiot or something it's only 'cause I'm trying to tell you what a privilege it is to be breathing the same
air space as you, that's all. I write much better than I talk so I probably should just shut up.
Do you mind if I ask you something? Why do you talk like that? You have a tendency to add question marks to the
end of declarative sentences. Do you know that? When a simple, declarative sentence will do, you inflect it in such a
way... When I asked you where you got your bachelor's, you didn't simplay say, "Princeton," a statement of fact, you
said, "Princeton?" You hear how my voice went up? I didn't mean to embarass you, I thoguht you could shed some
light. I'm not saying you do it all the time but you do it often enough for me to notice. And it's very striking because
you're obviously an intelligent, gifted young woman but it's really kind of dopey, if you ask me. You're not alone. Most
of my students speak this way. I'm not absolutely certain but I think more young women speak this way than young
men. And there's something poignant about it, all these capable young women somehow begging to be heard,
Collected Stories Ruth Female Donald Margulies Dramatists 1 1 Drama
begging to be understood. "Can you hear me?" "Are you with me?" "Am I being heard?" You've all cultivated this
common dialect of American youth. A nonregional, national dialect. Students from the backwoods of Georgia sound
the same as students from Chicago, or Great Neck. But you kids are complicit in this! Role models are chosen!
You're selling yourselves short! Listen to yourselves! Nobody's going to take you seriously in the real world! Who's
going to take you seriously if you talk like that? No one! Why should they? If I were you, I'd do everything I could to
erase it from my memory; expunge it from my speech center. The moment you hear yourself doing it, stop and
correct yourself. Pretend I'm your mother telling you to stand up straight: Tell me to drop dead but do it. You'll thank
me for it one day, believe me. All right, let's get on with this, we haven't even gotten through the first page.
You may think I'm full of it and that's okay, too. You're going to have to decide for yourself what is useful criticism and
what is not. I'm not a doctor, you know, I do'nt dispense prescriptions: If If you do such-and-such and such-and-such,
your story will be perfect. It doesn't work that way. I'm not going to tell you how to write because I can't, I don't
pretend to know myself. Writing can't be taught. As far as I'm concerned, the university is taking your money under
false pretenses. Talent can't be learned; it's innate. People who tell you otherwise are not to be trusted; they're snake
oil salesmen, all of them. Never pay attention to what writers have to say. Particularly writers who teach. They don't
have the answers, none of us do. The good ones ask the wright questions; that's the key. The ones who aren't so
Collected Stories Ruth good, well, they have their own agendas, something that usually has to do with ego gratification. All I can do as an Female Donald Margulies Dramatists 1 1 Drama
artist who teaches, is tell you what I see, feed back to you what I see as a kind of reality test and ask the right
questions. I don't mind having to teach. I rather like the distraction. For one thing, it gets me out of the house. Which
is not a small thing. It gets me talking about what I do -- hell, it gets me talking, period. Otherwise I'd be alone far too
much, and remain silent far too much, and I'm alone enough as is. You develop bad habits when you spend too much
time alone. You're the absolute monarch in your own little kingdom. You have to answer to no one. That's a very
dangerous thing for a creative person. Teaching keeps me honest. It keeps my brain active. I'm forced to be critical,
to put on my thinking cap. I have to say something, so I find something to say.
You don't get it, do you? Put it away. Please. You know? All I want... I want so much to please you. You know? And
no matter what I do, it's wrong. I always seem to get your disapproval when it's the opposite I want so badly. All these
months, ever since school started, it's been both wonderful and excruciating working for you. I mean, to be so close
to you, when I admire you so much... But every day I see you it's like a test: What faux pas will I make? What will I do
that'll annoy her today? It's true. There's always something. Some invisible line I've crossed. Or, or something I've
Collected Stories Lisa bungled out of sheer panic. You intimidate me so much. When I show you something I've written, or even when I talk Female Donald Margulies Dramatists 1 2 Drama
to you I think, What value could my words possibly have to her? You're so... I mean, I knew you were difficult - you
told me as much. But you really see to take pride in being difficult, though, and that I don't understand. I've said too
much. Look, maybe I'm just not cut out for this, you know? Maybe I'm not. My skin's not thick enough. Oh, well... I'm
sorry I touched your things. I thought you would appreciate it; I'm sorry. If you're hungry, there's dinner in the fridge.
It's nothing. I made a little tuna niciose, that's all. If you don't like it, that's all right, just throw it out.
It's all a show. All of it. I was just playing a part: the feisty older woman who cracks wise and gets away with saying
just about anything. If she were alive today, Thelma Ritter would play me in the movies. It didn't happen. There are
elements of truth in it - I did do office temp work and I was offered a full-time job at a plumbing supplies company and
I did get an NEA grant - but never for a moment did I serious contemplate giving up writing. I didn't lie. I exaggerated.
Collected Stories Ruth Tell me: Would I have made a compelling case for the National Endowment - before the House of Representatives - if Female Donald Margulies Dramatists 1 2 Drama
I had simply recounted the facts of my career? Absolutely not. Where's the drama if there's nothing at stake? So,
using the elementes of truth, I spun a tale. I threw a crisis into the mix and allowed myself to be rescued at the
eleventh hour by the U.S. Cavalry. I exaggerated. What is art if not an exaggeration of the truth? Made a good story
didn't it?
But they aren't your stories, Ruth. Not anymore. They stopped being your stories when you told them to me. They
changed my life so how can they be solely your stories anymore? You don't own them. You are a part of my life now,
Ruth. Our lives intersect. My experience includes your experience. I am the sum of your experience and my
experience and everybody else's experience I've ever come in contact with. I couldn't tell your stories, not the way
you would, I couldn't possibly do that. But I can take your experiences, what I know of them, what I make of them,
and extrapolate, that I can do, but my book doesn't pretend to be the truth. Miriam isn't you. She isn't. She's as much
Collected Stories Lisa Female Donald Margulies Dramatists 2 3 Drama
me as she is you. The young, impressionable disciple who wants nothing more than the high regard of her mentor?
You don't see it 'cause you don't want to see it! You've totally, willfully misread her! Miriam isn't pitiful. She's vital,
funny, self-ironical. She sees the affair for what it truly was, in ways you obviously cannot! You're the one who calls it
the "shining moment" of your life, for Christ's sake, Ruth!, that's what you told me! You wear it like some kind of
masochistic badge of honor. Youv'e let that one brief affair define your entire life! You're like a professional war widow
or, or Miss Havisham in her wedding dress or something!
No no no, what you've done is something else, it's something else. I have a voice. I have the tools. Use your own
damn life! If yours isn't rich enough, too bad; that's not my problem. Don't thumb a ride and hop aboard mine.
Hitchhiker! I think there's something terribly Freudian going on here, dont' you? The Oedipal struggle to the finish.
You destroy me and claim my lover for yourself, take him to bed with you. I think you wanted to destroy me. You
Collected Stories Ruth Female Donald Margulies Dramatists 2 3 Drama
wanted to obliterate me. I don't want your gift. How do you like that? I'm very sorry, that isn't gracious, I know, but
your gift doesn't honor me. I want the receipt so I can exchange it for something else but you're telling me there is no
receipt. It's take it or leave it! You've stolen my stories, Lisa. My stories! What am I without my stories? I'm nothing.
I'm a cipher. I'm as good as dead.
Yes, he gave them to me! Terry Dolan! He took me to the Children's Aid Society and a man there put so very many
glasses on my face and then, all of a sudden, I could see – I can see, Lily! And the charge was two dollars and Terry
Dolan paid it right then and there! I've been all over, looking. You know the great tree on Mott Street, near the
church? I've been living my life seeing only a blur of green. But thousands and thousands of leaves, each leaf sharp
Mullen's Alley Rebeccah and clear and different from every other? This I did not know! And grass is not a carpet painted one color only, grass Female Timothy Mason Playscripts Drama
is blades, there in St. Patrick's churchyard, among the graves, millions of little green soldiers waving at me, Hello,
klein Beccah! Lily, I taught myself to read with the books this close to my face, but now I can walk along the Mulberry
Bend and read the signs from where I stand, thousands of words, everywhere I look! "Dutch's Dry Goods."
"Hammerstein's Stables." "Rosen's Diner." "Klein and Company, Knickerbockers," I never was so proud!
In real life, ma'am? Or in the painting? To be honest, ma'am, in real life you've seen better days. You have not moved
from your position for over four months while you've been posing for Master Van der Clipp's fine painting. In fact, I
Agatha
think you might have some bedsores underneath them dresses– Oh. Apologies, Ma'am. In the painting you look very
Selfie Portrait Chesterton Female Carrie McCrossen Playscripts Comedy Part of Playscripts' "A Simpler Time: 9 Short Comedies Set in Other Eras"
fetching indeed. Though I suppose Master Van der Pump's keen eyes have spotted a wrinkle or two on your brow.
Winthrop
Perhaps you should take a break and spend some time with your family. Your daughter is at such an impressionable
age and you haven't seen her in months.
I'm stoked for Into the Woods next semester. I wanna be Little Red. Or maybe the Baker's Wife, depending. Whichver
they pick me for, I guess. God. I can't wait for auditions. I love it. I love auditioning. All the buildup and the tension.
Knowing what you do in those five minutes could change your whole life. I walk into the room and suddenly I just. I
just feel something come over me. Like fwoosh. Electric. Like there's nothing I can do wrong. Like everything feels so
right. You know?? Like god. Second round. When it was just me and Arik. I didn't even notice that other guy was
there. It felt like it was just the two of us. He was staring at me like. Like I was the only person in the world. And I don't
really get nervous in callbacks. But in front of him, I suddenly was. And he could tell. So I did it for him once, did the Theatrical Rights
macbitches Hailey Female Sophie McIntosh Drama
monologue. And it was like fine. It was pretty good but not amazing. And I knew it, I knew it, and I was so Worldwide
disappointed in myself. And when I finished he just looked at me. It felt like his eyes were like. Like cutting straight
through me. He has such blue eyes, you know? And then. Then suddenly he sort of leaned in and he was like,
"Hailey. I want you to do something for me. Take your hair down." I know. My roommate helped me put it up for the
audition. I thought it looked really nice. But I reached up. Shook it out like (Hailey does so. She has great hair.) And
Arik just kept staring at me. And suddenly I felt like way more intense than I'd ever– Like fire. fire. In my chest. And he
said, "now do it again." and I just stood in front of him and I killed it. I killed it and it felt so good.
I don't remember anything from that night. Anything. Except that it was bright orange. I thought I was gonna die.
That's still me. Maybe I'm less of a lightweight, thanks to you, but I'm definitely still way too sensitive. I was holding
myself back. And now my feelings don't get hurt as easy and I don't hate myself for every little mistake. Well, I do. But
I don't let it affect my performance anymore. I don't have a choice, Cam. I'm not like you. I'm not good. I know I'm not.
But I also know that I could be. You guys keep telling me that I have so much talent, but it doesn't make it true. The Theatrical Rights
macbitches Piper Female Sophie McIntosh Drama
only thing that will make it true is if I keep pushing myself. Freshman Piper wouldn't've stood a chance out in the real Worldwide
world. But by the time I'm done here, I'm gonna be ready. I'm not down about it, Cam. I mean, sometimes it's easy to
let myself forget, but I love acting. It makes me happier than anything else in the world. Some people go their whole
lives without finding that, and if I have to work for it, and, y'know, make some compromises. Well, I'm willing to do
that.
I'm actually supposed to be in Troy at the moment. There was a whole kerfuffle with a sort of contest between the
major goddesses, it was a big deal. And the upshot is that there's been this huge... 'cause everybody thinks that I'm
in... Gosh, you are out of touch... What happened was that this prince of Troy named Paris was for some reason the
judge of the contest and Aphrodite promised me to him as a bribe so that he'd choose her as the most beautiful
goddess. I guess it just kind of slipped her mind that I was already married. But hey, she's a goddess, what does she
care? So Paris sails over to Sparta pronto for a visit and we just knock ourselves out for him. Endless banquets every
night, tours of the capital, state functions, dances. House guests. You know the deal. He was pretty dreamy. Coffee
Helen Helen colored skin, lots of hair, a way of sort of taking you in when he looked at you, like he was sort of dying. Real sty - you Female Spartan Ellen McLaughlin Playscripts Classical?
know how foreign men are - top notch fabrics, nice drape, no pockets, just... but not too.... I mean, he had taste but
he didn't make a big thing of it. And he smelled like oranges... and... and crushed rosemary. Of course, my husband,
Menelaus, was just completely clueless. Told one hunting story after another while the two of us were playing footsie
under the table. I'm not proud of what I did, I'm just saying... the guy was a charmer, you know, and I'd been doing
the wife-of-the-great-man bit for, like, years, nothing but Chanel suits and sensible shoes day in and day out. So
when Menelaus leaves us alone for a few days while he goes to visit his mother or something, well... so the story
goes.
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
That's your trouble. You don't want to hear anything you don't think you already know. Well I'll tell you something,
Cinderella: your Prince Charming has come. Wake up before another thousand years go by! Don't throw me away
like a gum wrapper because you think there's something about me you may not like. I have what it takes to give you
Frankie and anything and everything you want. Maybe not up here... or here... but here. And that would please me enormously.
Johnny in the Clair Johnny All I ask back is that you use your capacity to be everyone and everything for me. It's within you. If we could do that Male Terence McNally Dramatists 2
de Lune for each other we'd give our kids the universe. They'd be Shakespeare and the most beautiful music ever written and
a saint maybe or a champion athlete or a president all rolled into one. Terrific kids! How could they not be? We have
a chance to make everything turn out all right again. Turn our back on everything that went wrong. We can begin right
now and all over again but only if we begin right now, this minute, this room, and us. I know this thing, Frankie.
I'm not a mute. I talk when I have something to say. You know, not everybody thinks life is a picnic. Some of us have
problems. Some of us have sorrows. But people like you are so busy telling us what you want, how you feel you don't
Frankie and
even notice the rest of us who aren't exactly jumping up and down for joy. I said, shut up! Just drink your milk and go. Dramatists Play
Johnny in the Clair Frankie Female Terrence McNally 1 Drama
I don't want to hear your voice again tonight. I want to be alone. I want to watch television. I want to eat ice cream. I Service, Inc.
de Lune
want to sleep. I want to stop worrying I'm trapped in my own apartment with a maniac. Right now, my problems begin
and end with you. You said you'd go.
I'm serious. One minute you're kidding and the next you're looking at me like that. People don't go around looking at
one another like that. It's too intense. You don't look, you stare. It gives me the creeps. I suppose it's very flattering
Frankie and
but it's not something I feel real comfortable with. It's like if you would send a million roses, I'd be impressed but I Dramatists Play
Johnny in the Clair Frankie Female Terrence McNally 1 Drama
wouldn't know wehre to put them. I don't need a million roses. One would be just fine. So if you just looked at me Service, Inc.
de Lune
occasionally in the future like that. Look, obviously I like you. I like you a lot. What's the matter? You're not the easiest
person to talk to anybody ever met.
Oh my god, it's three o'clock! Look, I'd ask you to stay over, but ... I don't know about you but I'm kind of drained you
know? I mean, that was pretty intense back there. Harrowing. No, not harrowing, that doesn't sound right. I'm too
Frankie and
pooped to pop, all right? Oh come on, you know what I mean! You know, you're a very intense person. One moment Dramatists Play
Johnny in the Clair Frankie Female Terrence McNally 1 Drama
you're making love like somebody just let you out of jail and the next you're telling me watching me brush my hair is Service, Inc.
de Lune
like the Grand Canyon. Very intense or very crazy. Look, I'm glad what happened happened. If we both play our
cards right, maybe it will happen again. ... Hello? I wish you'd open your eyes.
We got off to a great start. Why do you want to stop? We may not make it to tomorrow. I might get knifed if you make
me go home. You might choke on a chicken bone. Unknown poison gasses could kill us both in our sleep. When it
Frankie and comes to love, life's cheap and it's short. Look, Frankie, I might see someone on the BMT tonight, get lucky and get
Dramatists Play
Johnny in the Clair Johnny laid, and think I was in love with her. This is the only chance we have to really come together, I'm convinced of it. Female Terrence McNally 1 Drama
Service, Inc.
de Lune People are given one moment to connect. Not two, not three, one! They don't take it, it's gone forever and the end up
not only pardon-my-French-for-the-very-last-time screwing that person on the BMT but marrying her. The only
difference between us right now is I know how this is going to end - happily - and you don't. I need a best friend, too.
You know what I think it was? The moonlight. You were standing in it. It was bathing your body. I've always been very
suspicious of what moonlight does to people. Turn you into a werewolf. That's what I was raised on. My grandmother
was always coming into my bedroom to make sure the blinds were down. She was convinced sleeping in the
moonlight would turn you into the wolfman. I thought if I slept in the moonlight I'd wake up a beautiful fairy princess,
so I kept falling alseep with the blinds open and she kept coming in and closing them. She always denied it was her.
Frankie and "Wasn't me, precious. Must have been your Guardian Angel." Remember them? One night I decided to stay awake
Dramatists Play
Johnny in the Clair Frankie and catch her in the act. It seemed like forever. When you're that age, you don't have anything to stay awake about. Female Terrence McNally 2 Drama
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de Lune So you're failing geography, so what? Finally my grandmother came into the room. She had to lean across my bed to
close the blinds. Her bosom was so close to my face. She smelled so nice. I pretended I was still sleeping and took
the deepest breath of her I could. In that one moment, I think I knew what it was like to be loved. Really loved. I was
so safe, so protected! That's better than being pretty. I'll never forget it. The next thing I knew it was morning and I still
didn't look like Audrey Hepburn. Now when I lie in bed with the blinds up and the moonlight spilling in, I'm not thinking
I want to be somebody else, I just want my Nana back.
You know what the main thing I felt was? Dumb. I even introduced them. I lent them money. Money from my credit
union. I gave her my old television. A perfectly good Zenith. They're probably watching Charles Bronson together at
Frankie and this very moment. I hope it explodes and blows their faces off. No, I don't. I hope it blows up and the fumes kill them.
Dramatists Play
Johnny in the Clair Frankie Aren't there supposed to be poison gases in a television set? That or he's telling her she looks like crap, who told her Female Terrence McNally 2 Drama
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de Lune she could change her hair or where is car keys are or shut up, he's had a rough day. I didn't know how exhausting
unemployment could be. God, why do we get involved with people it turns out hate us? Because... we hate
ourselves. I know. I read the book.
Not as much as I'd like. She's remarried. They live in Maine in a beautiful house overlooking the sea. It's beautiful. I
could never have provided them with anything like that. The first time I saw it, I couldn't get out of the car. I felt so
Frankie and ashamed. So forgotten. The kids came running out of the house. They looked so happy to see me but I couldn't feel
Dramatists Play
Johnny in the Clair Johnny happy back. All of a sudden, they looked like somebody else's kids. I couldn't even roll down the window. "What's the Male Terrence McNally 2 Drama
Service, Inc.
de Lune matter, daddy?" I started crying. I couldn't stop. Sheila and her husband had to come out of the house to get me to
come in. You know what I wanted to do? Run that crewcut insurance salesman over and drive off with the three of
them. I don't know where we would've gone. We'd probably still be driving.
Most of the time I keep to myself. Most of the time I sit in my room. I've got a roommate but most of the time he's got
his face to the wall. Most of the time I think about not being there. I think what would it be like to be someone else.
Someone I see on the TV or in a magazine, or even walking free on the grounds. They can keep me as long as they
want. It's not like a prison term. I've already been there longer than most. A lot of the time I think about getting this
Marvin's Room Hank Male Scott McPherson Dramatists
house with all this land around it. And I'd get a bunch of dogs, no little ones you might step on but big dogs, like a
horse, and I'd let them run wild. They'd never know a leash. And I'd build a go-kart track on my property. Charge
people to race around on it. Those places pull in the bucks. I'd be raking it in. And nobody would know where I was.
I'd be gone. Most of the time I just want to be someplace else.
It's not cartoons, Mom! It's NES. Chucky let me borrow it while he's on vacation so I really have to maximize my time
with it. It's... mind-blowing. Super Mario Brothers is maybe the best thing that's ever been invented. Look at the
controller in my hand! This is a video game. Video. Game. Okay? I'm Mario, and the object is to rescue the princess
Part of Playscripts' "A Simpler Time: 9 Short Comedies Set in Other Eras" (This monologue is set
Kids Today! Child from King Koopa. But if a koopa troopa, a goomba, or Boos touch you, you're dead. Especially when you get to castle Any Gender Ian McWethy Playscripts Comedy
in 1985.)
levels, there are Boos everywhere. It's crazy. Of course you don't understand. You're old. You like to go on hikes.
Mom. I promise you, I will never, ever want to go on a hike. Even the word hike makes me wanna barf. Hike! Uh! You
just don't get anything! I hate you!
Well what'm I supposed to say? I'll go? Where'm I gonna go? I'm sorry, Eva! I'm sorry you don't want him here.
Nobody wants Lucas. Donald didn't want him– Donald and I were fine before Lucas, and then as soon as Donald saw
those eyes– Nobody wants Lucas. It's true! Like a broken toy, the day after Christmas– I know it's true! Because until
last night, I didn't want him. That's a horrible thing to say, I know it is, I know it's completely horrible, but... I always
thought Donald would come back. You know. I always thought so because it was always so good, before. But he's
not. You said so yourself. I mean, if he was gonna come back, he'd've come back by now, right? Right? There are so
many nights I can't sleep, Eva. I just lay there thinking over and over again about me and Donald and how it was and Concord
Lullaby Meg Female Jason Milligan Drama
how it never would be again. Because I am stuck with this ... THING. Last night ... I got up and sat on the edge of the Theatricals, Inc
bed for a while. And watched him sleeping. And I thought ... how easy it'd be just to put one of those little pillows over
his face and hold it there. Just hold it there and wait ... and nobody'd know. Nobody'd ever know. And I'd be free and
you'd be rid of me and Donald would want me back and nobody'd ever know but it would all be FIXED. Eva. His blank
little eyes wouldn't even see who did it. He'd just go back to sleep and never wake up ... and all of us, we'd all be free.
I actually picked ... one of those pillows up, Eva. I actually ... thought about it. And then I looked at little Lucas
sleeping there ... and I KNEW I couldn't ever do that.
You want to help me‽ OK, you can help me! My whole family was killed by a tornado four months ago. My Mom, my
Dad, my brother and sister and the baby. All dead. And I wasn't there, cause I needed some peace and quiet. I didn't
want to spend an extra day with them. So here I am, I got all the money I'll ever need and all I do is spend all day in
stupid classes learning useless information. I don't know why I keep going, I guess I'm hoping I can learn something
At the Bottom of
Pam to make sense of it. But there's nothing, It's all the same, it's junk and a bunch of noise... And... I pray and I ... I don't Female Ed Monk Playscripts Drama
Lake Missoula
know...I have this bottle of sleeping pills they gave me after it happened, and every night I can't go to sleep and I sit
there and think about taking the whole bottle. But that's a sin, isn't it? Isn't it? So I can't do that and I don't know what
to do. And I'm going crazy, I can't stop thinking about them, everywhere I go, something reminds me of them. So you
want to help? Go ahead and help. You tell me what to do. You tell me what to do!
Oh I'm so glad you're home honey, hurry up and get your soccer uniform on. Your practice starts at 3:45 and I have
to drop you off at practice and then pick up Marley at 4:00 from Brownies and get Eddie to Gymboree by 4:26, then I'll
swing around and pick you up from soccer and you can change into your gymnastics uniform in the car and we'll stop
at McDonalds for dinner but we'll have to eat in the car so that I can get you to the gym by 5:00. Your father is
coaching Maggie's T-ball team tonight so we can stop off at the field and drop him off his dinner at 6:00 and then pick
Attack of the
Hunter's Mom up Kelsey at play practice and it's our turn to drive the Pollock boys from lacrosse at 6:30 and then we can come Female Ed Monk Playscripts Comedy Part of Playscripts' "Scared Silly: 10 Hauntingly Hilarious Short Plays"
Cafeteria Zombies
home. Stop by the school? Well I suppose we could swing by after Gymboree on our way to gymnastics. No, that's
not on the way. Let's see, if we took Montclair on the way back from wrestling... oh no, there's too much traffic by
then. Maybe we could leave karate a little early ... oh and that won't work because there's a tournament tonight...
Well, on Tuesday, Grace has odyssey of the mind, the school isn't too far from the pool, so maybe after I pick up Big
Eddie from fencing we could...
Walla Walla Washington smells like dirt… It’s so brown outside sometimes the windows in our trailer don't even look
like actual windows. Most days I feel like I'm trapped in a box without any air. I got out of Walla Walla once. I mean,
sort of. I worked overtime at Dairy Queen for almost a month. I just bout a bus ticket and left. I made it halfway to
Seattle before realizing my brothers wouldn't have anyone to make them breakfast in the morning. So. I'm here. Still.
Letters to Kurt Molly Tonight I'm finally going to do it: Run away. I don't know where I'm going yet but I'll figure it out. I mean, hey, anything’ Female Janine Nabers Playscripts Drama
s better than Walla Walla right? This is the fourteenth letter I've written you. It’s Molly with the stringy hair. I met you
once. It was the best day of my life… I really hope you remember me. When you played “Paper Cuts” the lyrics
“When I'm feeling tired… I crawl towards the cursed alley… Sometimes I can't find my way…” I mean your music is
just. I live through it. I live your words like every day. So.
HELLOOOOOO! I'm alive. I felt my lungs trying to pull in air but I couldn't. I felt the spinning, my knees buckling, I saw
the colored spots. I saw my entire life. Pages and pages of journals and diaries and I just reread them all. I think I
almost died. I never thought I could. When I was born, I came out and passed out. The doctors thought I had fluid in
my lungs, but, really, I was overwhelmed. By the consequences of birth. Every time danger lurks near me, it's a
pressure in my head, as though the atmosphere is trying to crush my skull. If there's an oncoming car with a driver
boom Jo Female Peter Sinn Nachtrieb Dramatists Dark Comedy
checking email on their phone as I enter a crosswalk, blam, I pass out safely on the curb. My parents used to hire me
out to determine whether condemned buildings were safe to enter or if mine shafts were poisonous. I became known
as "The Human Canary." Mysterious pseudo-death is an easy way to lose friends and spend a lot of time safe and
alone wondering why I'm worth so much protection. It was getting so bad before coming here. The possibility of
everything exploding... Looms and renders me unconscious.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for sealing this space, stocking supplies, and even stealing a sonogram machine from the medical
school, but then putting the majority of our food in a single, unstable room. That's not good enough for a moment like
this. I probably shouldn't even have been a biologist. I should have listened to that persistent feeling of inadequacy
and dread every time I wentt o class. I should have stuck to dance. People thought my solo movement tribute to
Ontogeny Recapitulates Phylogeny was really new and different. And it was. It-- This sucks. Like a lot. I thought I was
boom Jules Male Peter Sinn Nachtrieb Dramatists Dark Comedy
going to be special. I thought this would be the moment I meant to show when I said, "I'll show you!" I thought, hey
Jules, you're alive, you're the only member of your family that's surviving. Do something. Honor them. Don't let your
life go without doing something big. You are here to do something very big. And I didn't. You're right, Jo. I have failed.
I HAVE FAILED. It was supposed to be a little tribute to the way things work. The power and beauty of randomness.
"Get on Craigslist and see what the winds of chance bring you." It was poetic. It was perfect. ... It was really stupid.
You suck happiness from a room. Like a vacuum that never loses suction. You're mean. You're atmospherically
unpleasant. And you're physically abusive. I reject your phobia. I don't think you care enough about anything to really
be a bigot. You just like to say bad words. What do you believe in? What do you love? Is there anything that lights
your candle or are you just Lady Scoffington of Hate Manor! Hi, I'm Lady Scoffington, and I turn gold to crap and in
my spare time I chisel words onto precious little tablets and waxywane about all the scoffy hatefulness! Write write
boom Jules Male Peter Sinn Nachtrieb Dramatists Dark Comedy
write write write write write write write run to door boom mother'effer mother'effer write write write write write write
write write write. For someone who says they want to die all the time, you're not very good at it. Running into a door?
Clearly not effective. Almost grabbing the car battery, almost drinking formaldehyde, throwing debris in the air but
collapsing out of the way before you get hit by it. And seriously, putting your arm in a fish tank is a pathetic way to
end your days.
Now you stop! Let it go. Yolanda, I know everyone in the family just wants me to be happy. And you just want me to
find purpose and satisfaction. I am happy. Without a husband. Without someone getting in my way. I am very happy
Beatriz ... If You without a man. If avoiding the stupidity of dating and boring dinners, and meaningless chatter, and knucklehead Dramatic This is a short play in the collection, As She Likes It, compiled by Karen Ruch. It is based on
Beatriz Female Puerto Rican David Nice Comedy
Speak of Love overgrown boys is being American, then I am a Yankee Doodle Dandy. Besides, it's not the Anglo guys who are so Publishing characters from Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing.
ready to sweep you over a sus casa and meet their mommies right off the bat. The Anglo men, while they are also
ridiculous in their own exhaustive ways, at least are living in the twenty-first century.
Of, introductions. It's just introductions you're speaking of. Then, of course, I'll say hello to them. Then I will say adios.
You start the conversation. They may even look charming – the outer packaging. They make small talk. They
examine your body even as you watch them watching. Then, and this always gets me, they'll ask me which town in
PR my people are from. I'll tell them Fajardo. They'll ask me if I know so-and-so. Then, blah, blah, blah. I'll tell them I
Beatriz ... If You don't know how to make arroz con condules. Or tostones. I am then gone, so gone. And then you and your momma Dramatic This is a short play in the collection, As She Likes It, compiled by Karen Ruch. It is based on
Beatriz Female Puerto Rican David Nice Comedy
Speak of Love can have them hanging out in your kitchen for the rest of the night. Because, then, after you try to hold a reasonably Publishing characters from Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing.
intelligent conversation about ideas or boox or anything, really... Puerto Rican men will still return to the expectation
that you will make them rice and beans. Like their momma's. While they are drinking beer with the other men, far off
in the other room. Life cannot be about beans and beer. Sorry, that's not right. Actually, they are probably drinking
rum and cokes, not beer.
You're completely the same. You and Bennie. You and Bennie. It's as obvious as the– So? You two have been
dancing around each other for a long time. Now, he's an assistant DA. He's on his way up. He adores you. Just
Beatriz ... If You embrace this gift that has come your way. He wanted you to find out that he's interested, and he is ... he just doesn't Dramatic This is a short play in the collection, As She Likes It, compiled by Karen Ruch. It is based on
Yolanda Female Puerto Rican David Nice Comedy
Speak of Love want to mess with you ... Your whole "I'm Senorita super-independent" thing ... and I'll cut any man down to size. Publishing characters from Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing.
Keep your distance. Et cetera, et cetera. You are so ... so frustrating. But we will speak of all this again and very
soon!
Tears shed for Christopher Rumpley. What an extraordinary thing. I'll tell you what I can about him if you like. He was
through here with Colonel Rogers on the way back from Detroit. That's when he first set eyes on this place and
carved his name so he'd know it again when he returned. Because he knew he would return. Something about this
place just felt to him like the place he was going to die in. I don't know why. I don't think he could have explained it
himself. Like most true things, it made no sense whatsoever. Then, two years later, he was back, with Colonel
Bouquet, and they camped near here, and he found the tree and bought the land from an old Delaware chief who
thought him a great fool to believe that land could be bought and sold like women. Then he went back to Boston and
Tales from the Concord
James loved a girl who went mad, not because he loved her but for another reason, and then rather to his surprise, after a Male Don Nigro Drama
Red Rose Inn Theatricals, Inc
time he loved another girl, and fathered a child upon her, and then he murdered a man who sold oysters, and grew
sick of the revolution, the butchery and posturing and hypocrisy of it, and decided he'd used up his life, and one dark
night, when we were pretending to be quite drunk, he asked me, as his only friend on earth, if I wouldn't mind doing
away with him once and for all, to put an end to his suffering, and so I obliged him, for compassion's sake, as he
really was a miserable wretch, and in his dying gratitude he told me to come and claim his land, which I have done,
and here I am, sitting on a bed with a beautiful woman, and wanting to comfort her so badly I think I will lose my mind
if I don't, and watching her cry because the man I killed is dead. The wages of compassion is frustration.
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
What we are is what is in our heads. And what is in the heads of us human creatures is imagination. Nobody can do
anything unless some half crazy person first imagines doing it. And that is who we are. But imagination, like love,
takes a certain amount of courage. Suppose you have the courage to imagine I made up the story of your lover's
death, and took another name so I could escape the consequences of his treachery, his various and sundry murders,
on the battlefield and off. Imagine this is a winter's tale, and I your beloved come to claim you. Have the courage to
take on the role I've offered you in the play of our lives. Come and join me. Take a chance. Throw the dice with me,
Tales from the Susannah. You'll be in my play and I'll be in yours, and we'll put them together and make up the scenes as we go Concord
James Male Don Nigro Drama
Red Rose Inn along. Tales from the Red Rose Inn, a play by you and me, with significant additional contributions from Indians and Theatricals, Inc
rattlesnakes and our shrieking menagerie of filthy, snot-nosed children. There is nothing else but the play. There is
only the tale well told, or badly, or told both well and badly, turn and turn about, world without end, amen. And when
we are dead, you and I will be characters in the tales our grandchildren tell. Grandfather carved his name in a tree
and then became somebody else and came to Ohio and won Grandmother in a game of chance and she surprised
herself by loving him anyway. It's a damned good story, don't you think? If you want a life, you must have a story, or
you have nothing.
Turn that light off. I'm sitting in the dark. … You'll think I'm insane. … You remember that production of Betrayal we
saw? The one with all the futons? This was a pretty good production, right? I mean, the play is good, and the actors
were good, but their production concept was, they had all these futons, right? And when each scene was over the
lights would go out and these people dressed in black clothes with black ski masks would scuttle out in the dark and
move the futons into different positions, so that when the lights came up, we were supposed to understand that we
were in a different place, right? And it seemed like each scene change took longer than the one before it. So three
quarters of the way through the play, we're in the dark more than we're in the light, and the black futon movers are
Things that Go Concord
Tracy getting more time on stage than the actors, and the play itself seems to be less and less important, and the futon Female Don Nigro Comedy
Bump in the Night Theatricals, Inc
moving more and more important, until by the end, it’s no longer a play about betrayal at all, it’s a play about these
weird little people in black moving these futons. I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about it. … Did you ever
notice that when we get up in the morning, the furniture seems to be in slightly different places? At night, when you're
asleep sometimes I just lie there, kind of half asleep and half awake, in that sort of weird in-between state where all of
these strange images and things float up into your head, and I can hear things in other parts of the house, even
sometimes in our bedroom, I hear things. And I just wonder if maybe it isn't somebody like those futon people
dressed in black coming into our house at night and rearranging the furniture.
Mama, I only told you I was going to kill myself so I could explain it, so you wouldn't blame yourself, so you wouldn't
feel bad. There wasn't anything you could say to change my mind. I didn't want you to save me. I just wanted you to
know. Don't you see, Mama, everything I do winds up like this. How could I think you would understand? How could I
think you would want a manicure? That we could hold hands for an hour and then I could go shoot myself? I'm sorry
about tonight, Mama, but it's exactly why I'm doing it. I'm not giving up! This is the other thing I'm trying. And I'm sure
there are some other things that might work, but might work isn't good enough any more. I need something that will
work. This will work. That's why I picked it. Mama, listen. I am not your child, I am what became of your child. I found
an old baby picture of me. And it was somebody else, not me. It was somebody pink and fat who never heard of sick
or lonely, somebody who cried and got fed, and reached up and got held and kicked but didn't hurt anybody, and
'Night, Mother Jessie Female Marsha Norman Dramatists Drama
slept whenever she wanted to, just by closing her eyes. Somebody who mainly just laid there and laughed at the
colors waving around over her head and chewed on a polka-dot whale and woke up knowing some new trick nearly
every day and rolled over and drooled on the sheet and felt your hand pulling my quilt back up over me. That's who I
started out and this is who is left. That's what this is about. It's somebody I lost, all right, it's my own self. Who I never
was. Or who I tried to be and never got there. Somebody I waited for who never came. And never will. So, see, it
doesn't much matter what else happens in the world or in this house, even. I'm what was worth waiting for and I didn't
make it. Me...who might have made a difference to me...I'm not going to show up, so there's no reason to stay,
except to keep you company, and that's...not reason enough because I'm not...very good company. Am I? Just let me
go, Mama, let me go easy.
No, I don't have to shut up, neither. You already got me in segregation, what else you gonna do? I got all day to
sleep, while everybody else is bustin in the laundry. Hey, I know you ain't gotta go do no dorm count, I'll just tell you
an you jus sit. Huh? You ‘preciate that? Ease them corns you been moanin' about. Ok, write this down. Startin down
by the john on the back side, we got Mary Alice. Sleeps with her pillow stuffed in her mouth. Says her mom says it'd
keep her from grindin down her teeth or something. She be suckin that pillow like she getting paid for it. Then it's
Doris eatin pork rinds. Thinks somebody gonna grab em outta her mouth if she eats em during the day. Doris ain't
dumb. She fat, but she ain't dumb. Hey! You notice how many girls is fat here? Then it be Ghonda, snoring,
Marevene, wheezing and Suzanne, coughin. Then Clara and Ellie be still whisperin. Family crap, who's getting outta
Concord
Getting Out Arlie line, which girls is gittin' a new work 'signment, an who kin git extra desserts an for how much. Them's the two really Female Marsha Norman Drama
Theatricals, Inc
run the place. My bed right next to Ellie, for sure it's got some of her crap hid in it by now. Crackers or some crap
gonna leak out all over my sheets. Last time I found a grilled cheese in my pillow. Even had two of them little warty
pickles. Ok Linda and Lucille. They be real quiet, but they ain't sleepin. Prayin, that's them. Linda be sayin them Hell
Mary's till you kin just about scream. And Lucille, she tol' me once she didn't believe in no God, jus some stupid
spirits whooshin around everywhere makin people do stuff. Now. I'd like to go to the other side. 'Cuz I have been
listening to you for the last three hours. Your husband's getting laid off and you lettuce is getting eat by rabbits. Crap
City. You shut up! Whatdda I care if I wake everybody up? I want the nurse. I'm getting sick in here an' there's bugs in
here!!
If Mother could see what has become of her peach in the big city. It is the annual Gardenia Ball, quite the event of the
season. And do you know what that means? They'll all be there, parading their good fortune. I'll have to smile, be
polite, because I'm known for that, but I will dread every last minute, every bit of forced conversation with the
Livingstons and the Babcocks. They want to know. All of them do. "When are you going to have a child, Evangeline?"
Intimate Apparel Mrs. Van Buren And my answer is always the same, "Why, we're working on it, dear, speak to Harold." And dear Harry will be in a Female White American Lynne Nottage Dramatists 1 2 Drama
sour mood for a week. You probably don't even know what I'm talking about. Have you children? May I tell you
something? I've given him no children. I'm afraid I can't. It's not for the lack of trying. One takes these things for
granted, you assume when it comes time that it will happen, and when it doesn't, who is to blame? They think it's
vanity that's kept me childless, I've heard the women whispering. If only I were that vain. But it's like he's given up.
You think I ain't tried to make a go of it. You think I just laid down and opened my legs 'cause it was easy. I don't look
like nothing, but this saloon is better then a lot of them places, ask anybody. Only last night one of Bert Williams'
musicians sat up front, and he stayed through the entire show. You think some of those gals in the big revues didn't
Intimate Apparel Mayme Female African American Lynne Nottage Dramatists 1 3 Drama
start right where I am. Let me tell you, so many wonderful ideas been conjured in this room. They just get left right in
that bed there, or on this piano bench. They are scattered all over this room. I ain't waiting for anybody to rescue me.
My Panama man come and gone long time now. It sweet that he write you but, my dear, it ain't real.
I married him, because I was thirty-seven years old, I had no profession and there wasn't a decent colored fell in New
York City that would have me. He give me some laughs. But you see, my other wanted me to marry up. She was a
washerwoman, and my father was the very married minister of our mission. He couldn't even look out at her there in
the church pews, but she'd sit there proudly every Sunday, determined to gain God's favor. Marry good. She didn't
ever want me to be embarrassed of my fingers the way she was of hers. I'd watch her put witch hazel and hot oil on
her delicate hands, but they remained raw and chapped and she kept them hidden inside gray wood gloves. In the
winter they'd bleed so bad sometimes, but she'd plunge her hands into the hot water without flinching, knead and
scrub the clothing clean. Fold and press for hours and hours, the linen, the bedding, the stockings and the britches,
Intimate Apparel Mrs. Dickson Female African American Lynne Nottage Dramatists 1 6 Drama
sometimes wearing the frayed gloves so as not to leave bloodstains on her precious laundry. She wouldn't even let
me help her, she didn't want my hands to show the markings of labor. I was going to marry up. Love was an entirely
impractical thing for a woman in her position. "Look what love done to me," Mama used to say. "Look what love done
to me." So I did what was necessary to gain favor. I allowed myself to be flattered by gentlemen. You understand?
Yes, this "pretty" gal done things, un-pretty things, for this marble mantle, gaslights in every room, a player piano and
an indoor toilet. Bless his broken-down soul. He had fine suits and perfect diction, and was too high on opium to
notice that he was married. But I would not be a washerwoman if it killed me. And I have absolutely marvelous hands
to prove it.
Please, I'd like to know about your mother or your birthplace, Bar-ba-dos. Something I don't know. That wasn't in the
letters. Something for us, right now. I come here from North Carolina at seventeen after my mother died of influenza,
God bless her loving spirit. My father died two years later, he was a slave you see and didn't take to life as a freeman.
He'd lost his tongue during a nasty fight over a chicken when I was a baby, so I never heard him speak. No
Intimate Apparel Esther complaints, no praise, no gentle words, no goodbye. He was ... silent. Broken really. I come to this city by myself, Female African American Lynne Nottage Dramatists 2 1 Drama
worked my way North little by little, picking berries in every state until I get here. An old woman in the rooming house
teach me to sew intimate apparel, saying folks'll pay you good money for your discretion. It was just about the best
gift anybody give me. It was as though God kissed my hands when I first pulled the fabric through the sewing
machine and held up a finished garment. I discovered all I need in these fingers. I wanted you to know that about me.
She a real madam. "Yuh working, George?" "Oh, nuh?" I ain't been this idle since a boy in St. Lucy. But that
busylinckum ain' 'ear nothing. I got me pats on the back from white engineers, and a letter of recommendation from
the Yankee crew chief heself. But 'ere, I got to watch buildings going up left and right, steel girders as thick as
tamarind trees, ten, twelve stories high. Thursday last I stood all day, it cold too, waitin' for the chief, waiting to
interview. Do yuh have tools, boy? Yes! Do yuh know how to operate a machine, boy? Yes. But 'e point just to the Barbadian
Intimate Apparel George Male Lynne Nottage Dramatists 2 2 Drama
Irishman, the German, and the tall Norwegian who's at least fifty years plus five. And I got more experience than the Immigrant (Black)
lot. I tell 'e so. Next time, 'e say. Next time, George. Can you believe? And when everyone gone, 'e pass me this
damn note like it money. I want to build t'ings, not polish silver or port luggage. Them fine jobs for yuh Yankee
gentlemen, but not me. I ain' come 'ere for that! They'll have me a bootblack 'fore long, let the damn Italians blaken
their hands, I say. Mine been black long enough
And what about his wife? How you know she ain't a good person? And he just saying what you want to hear. That his
words are a smooth tonic to make you give out what ain't free. How you know his wife ain't good? You ever think
about where they go after they leave here? Who washes their britches after they been soiled in your bed? 'Cause
there's some poor woman out there waiting, getting up every five minutes, each time a carriage pass the window or a
Intimate Apparel Esther dog bark. Who thinks a great deal of her husband, thinks so much of him that she don't bother to ask questions, she Female African American Lynne Nottage Dramatists 2 4 Drama
just know that there are places that he go that a gentlewoman don't belong. She thinks he's playing cards or simply
restless. But still when the door opens and he lies down next to her, that poor stupid woman don't feel angry,
because his body is warm and she ain't alone. I pity your heart. You are the worst sort of scavenger. I don't feel so
good. I think I'm gonna go home, if you don't mind.
Do you love me? I asked you something. I didn't write them letters. I said I didn't write them letters. All this time I was
afraid that you'd find me out. This good noble man from Panama. I have all of your letters here. I look at them every
day. I have one that looks as though it's weeping, because the words fade away into nothing, and another that looks
as if it's been through a hard day, because there's a smudge of dirt at each corner, and it smells of kerosene and
burnt sugar. But I can't tell you what it say, because I don't read. I can't tell whether that are any truths, but I keep
Intimate Apparel Esther them, 'cause George give me his heart, though it covered in mud and filthy, but he give it to me in one of these Female African American Lynne Nottage Dramatists 2 4 Drama
letters. And I believed him. I believe him! But you ain't the man in these letters, because that gentlemen would have
thanked me. Who wrote them letters, George? Tell me! YOU TELL ME! I ain't really Mrs. Armstrong, am I? I been
holding on to that, and that woman ain't real. We more strangers now than on the eve of our wedding. At least I knew
who I was back then. But I ain't gonna let you hurt that woman. No! She's a good decent woman and worthy. Worthy!
Don't touch me!
He gone. He has another woman. She told me so. When I left home this morning I intended to do harm to his whore.
I was going to march into her room and scratch her face with my scissors. I was going to scar her. Make her ugly.
Make her feel what I'm feeling. But, she gonna know soon enough. Do you know what I done? I tore a hole in my quilt
Intimate Apparel Esther and give him my beauty parlor. Half my life bent at the machine, and I give it to him, just like that. I wanted to be held. Female African American Lynne Nottage Dramatists 2 5 Drama
I thought if ... He ain't come home last night. I sat at the sewing machine all night, trying to make something, I just
kept sewing together anything I could find until I had a strip a mile long, so long it fill up the apartment. Do you know
where he is, Mayme? Because you're wearing the jacket I give him on our wedding night.
Yeah, yeah. Last night Songbird came around the saloon in a new suit with bottomless pockets, throwing dice al
night, and boasting of easy money. I ask him where he got the money and he say his luck turn and he was gonna
ride it out. If you can imagine that. He was gonna buy himself draft horses. The world changing and he wants big
strong horses. He made me laugh. He promised to take me out someplace special, but I didn't have nothing nice to
wear. And honestly it make me think about how long it been since I done something for myself. Gone somplace, like
Intimate Apparel Mayme Female African American Lynne Nottage Dramatists 2 5 Drama
you said, where a colored woman could go to put up her feet and get treated good for a change. And I see the dice
rolling, and I think Lord, God, wouldn't a place like that be wonderful. But every time the dice roll, that place is a little
further away. Until it all gone. And then I put my arms around this man, and I know who he is. He George. And maybe
I known all along. You are grand, Esther. And I ain't worthy of your forgiveness, nor will forget what you done for me.
You ain't never treat me like a whore. Ever.
Find who? Oh. Oh. Amelia. Amelia Earhart. No. No, they haven't. By now they figure she went down at sea. Is that
why you ran away? I been talkin' 'bout that too much. You know, Daddy flies, but I don't fly the distances or take the
chances she does – did. I didn't know her personal. But ... not a lot of extraordinary people in the world, Jerr. Don't
They Promised listen to me. I'm tired, I guess. I been up all night looking for someone myself. Did you share your night with the
Harvey Male Laurel Ollstein Playscripts 1 Drama
Her the Moon moon? I do like it when it's a fingernail like that. So clear you can see the shadow of the earth, perfect outline. Funny,
I think I like that better than when it's all lit up. It's kind of full of itself then. This way the mystery's still hiding out.
Sometimes when I fly at night I think – wouldn't that be something, to just keep a going – up and up. You musta been
scared. You are a mess, your mama will not be pleased. Your sister was supposed to watch you.
What am I going to do with you? Mother will not let me take you flyin' 'til you go to the doctor. Look, it's just a little
operation, sweetheart. A snip. Right under your tongue. And then people will be able to understand you. Other
They Promised people. Open up a whole new world, I promise. Wouldn't it be sweet if you could tell on your sister – good and loud?
Harvey Male Laurel Ollstein Playscripts 1 Drama
Her the Moon To everyone. So all those folks would know there was some razor blades buried in that syrup? A she-bear in satin.
Like your mother. Don't tell either one of them I said that. They'll kill me. Come to think of it – maybe you shouldn't
have the operation. This way you'll keep all my secrets. Let's go home.
Get in here! The only place you're flying is into that kitchen. "Do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the
Lord is." Ephesians 5:17. This is important, Geraldyn. Go to OU like your father and I did and your sister is. And join
the Gamma Phi Beta sorority. And learn to bake pies. And go to church. And get married. You want! You want! My
father – your grandfather – was a congressman. But do you think he could have accomplished what he did without
Mother taking care of the house, the children, the social calendar? No. He could not. And I, when I married your
They Promised father, don't you think I wanted... When I think of things that – didn't go the way I'd hoped – I put that thought in a little
Helena Female Laurel Ollstein Playscripts 1 Drama
Her the Moon jar. And I close that lid very tight. And place that jar way back in the pantry. Behind the pickles. And that's where it
stays. You should try that. You really should. I don't know what makes you think the rules don't apply to you. You
have to accept what God has given you. "For indeed man was not created for the woman's sake, but the woman for
the man's sake." Corinthians 11:9. Pastor John is going to talk with you today. I asked him to pray with you. He heard
about you playing with that baseball team. You are embarrassing this family, Geraldyn. Your sister is getting married
– she is settled. I just fear, sweetheart, you'll never be settled
How did I become Jackie Cochran? Well, let's see now. Don't be afraid to get your hands dirty. Look up. Go on. Look
– up. Big, isn't it? Can't see the end of it. Just keeps going. Every time I look up there, I see a new place to conquer.
It's freedom. Adventure. I started flying so I could get places faster. For my cosmetics company – deliveries,
They Promised meetings. It was just another mode of transportation. That's what I thought. But it isn't. Is it? No. The sky's the only
Jackie Female White Laurel Ollstein Playscripts 1 Drama https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacqueline_Cochran, race is not central to the story, but gender is.
Her the Moon place you're completely responsible for your own existence. You control the air. And everything beneath you melts
away. A patchwork quilt of crazy. That's all it is. It doesn't matter. Only what's in front of you, only what's in that
cockpit with you. Where else you gonna feel that much control? All that matters is what you want and how far you'll
go to get it.
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
I don't want him to marry me. All I want is to be up there forever – and never have this conversation with you again.
Jack is helping me get where I want to be. He's teaching me. Are you ever sorry you made me get that operation? If
my tongue was still tied I couldn't say anything you disagree with. I wish I never got that operation. Yes. I do. Cause
They Promised
Jerrie when kids called me stupid I just stopped talking, remember? I found my peace in silence and solitude. Then you and Female Laurel Ollstein Playscripts 1 Drama
Her the Moon
Papa told me if I got that operation my life would be so much better. You promised me that folks would understand
me. But – really I just want you to understand. And you still don't. Oh, Mama, I don't believe that God is judging me.
God is flying with me!
Stop it, Jerrie. Just stop. There's a little too much of Icarus in all of us who fly. You got ahead of yourself here. I was
trying to get them to consider putting a woman in a capsule. It made scientific sense. But, kiddo, sometimes that isn't
enough. No matter how obvious it is. How clearly we prove it. It's about timing more than anything else. I learned that
long ago. Jerrie, is this so important to you for the sake of science or do you just want...? Look – I don't care who
They Promised
Dr. Lovelace goes up in space. If it's you or John Glenn. Except for the fact that he weighs seventy-nine pounds more, and that Male Laurel Ollstein Playscripts 2 Drama
Her the Moon
means I could have put seventy-nine pounds more of my equipment in that can. This means everything to me.
Spaceflight is my life's work. Jerrie, you have to have someone build the scaffolding so there's somewhere to put the
rocket. You're young. I get it. I wanted to be the hero, too. I have planted some of the seeds, and now so have you.
That's what you have to accept.
Everybody drink up!!! My daughter's here! The astronaut! Life magazine! Life magazine. MY DAUGHTER– You all
hear that? The First Lady Astronaut. That's what they're calling you now! Jerrie Cobb, First Lady Astronaut! I will not. I
will not stop talking about my daughter. Nope. We are celebrating! You look beautiful. But even more important, you
They Promised are something! Geraldyn, you look at me girl. Right now. I always knew you were extraordinary. Always! And now
Harvey Male Laurel Ollstein Playscripts 2 Drama
Her the Moon everyone else knows. And you are my daughter! Yes, you are. I tell ya, life can throw a lot of bad things at ya. I sure
know that. And you have to learn to take the good when it happens. I wish I had. There are plenty a times when
there's nothing to celebrate. Plenty of times there is nothing. So when there is somethin', grab it with both hands and
eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner! You got that? Do that for me. Won't you? Do it for me.
Oh, Jerrie – are you finally raising your voice? Good for you. Might have been more useful in front of them. There is
not enough room for you on my side. Life magazine didn't call this Jackie Cochran's Women in Space Program, did
they? It was all Jerrie. You ate it up with a spoon. Oh, you enjoyed it – and I paid for it. That should have been me.
They Promised
Jackie And it just couldn't be you. Okay. You weren't the right person to be out front. You weren't. And look, Jerrie, it wasn't Female White Laurel Ollstein Playscripts 2 Drama https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacqueline_Cochran, race is not central to the story, but gender is.
Her the Moon
going to happen. I could see that. I chose to be on the winning side. That door was shut, darlin'. I will find a window
open down the line – you can be sure of that. But the door was shut. And there's no point scratching on it. It just
irritates everyone.
I don't want to lose my faith, Pop. One place the Lord has always been – by my side on every flight. Sittin' right
beside me. Inside me. Don't know any more. Pop? What if – what if God is angry with me? "Let no one seek his own
good, but the good of his neighbor." Corinthians 10:24. I wanted it for me, Pop. I did. To be the first woman in space. I
They Promised wanted it bad. The other girls be a part of it – but – if I'm really down to the bone honest – I have to admit it. I wanted
Jerrie Female Laurel Ollstein Playscripts 2 Drama
Her the Moon it for me. And God knows that. Maybe I'm not so different from Jackie after all. And now God is punishing me for my
selfishness. "For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind."
James 3:16. No? I was always at my best in silence and solitude. I don't know. But I think... this makes sense. I think
it does. I don't know about changing the world. But I am going to fly. They can't stop me from that. I will. I will.
Are you ever scared? But going in space? Being an astronaut? Going to the moon? I saw your picture and I thought
yeah that's what I want I wanta go to the moon like Jerrie Cobb. And you're my hero – cause I didn't think that was
They Promised possible. I wanta be a pilot more than anything in the world my mother and father and teachers and brothers all think
Young Woman Female Laurel Ollstein Playscripts 2 Drama
Her the Moon I'm weird but I know what I want and when I see you up there and I hear about you you're real not fake like Amelia
not that Amelia was fake but she's dead and you're not you're alive and you're a pilot and a girl and that means I can
do it so I wanted your signature ... Okay?
Your mama said it was okay to... Rose, I don't know what to say. I think I know how you feel. Like you're being forced
to share the one thing in the whole world that's yours with somebody you don't even know– When I was six, my
daddy... well, he lost his job at the church he was preaching... I guess he thought he didn't have money to take care
Concord
Wise Women Sarah Ruth of me and my two sisters... so he decided to farm one of us out. Only nobody got around to telling me I was the one Female Ron Osborne
Theatricals, Inc
leaving... till we got to Mama's sister's house. My aunt told me... after daddy left. Six months later, he came to
Nashville and got me. So, you see... everything worked out just fine. Still, sometimes I ask myself, "Why did he pick
you, Sarah Ruth?" I'll go back to where I was staying – if that's what you want, Rose.
It's me. I got your text. That's weird. That's weird. That's so freaking weird– She's so freaking Dirty and weird but
that's weird– Where are you– Because listen– I think– I think– I think she may have like– Magical powers– I'm
serious– Seriously– I'm serious– I know that sounds– But I'm Serious– Because listen– Gabby– Gabby– Gabby told
me she sees her one afternoon– In the parking lot of Lee's apartment complex– With this RAT– With this RAT in her
HAND– And she was like– singing– and holding it– like a baby– A little rat baby– And when she was done with her
rat baby song– She lit a cigarette and walked– Didn't smoke it just lit it– stuck it flame-up in the dirt– And
walked– And that night– That night– Lee's mom's making dinner– Like meatloaf– Or fish– I don't know– dinner– In
her uniform– from work– Her like polyester– like apron– or smock– like a second grader– anyway– she was making
this dinner and her uniform– her apron– caught fire– and she threw it off and– the kitchen– caught fire– and the
whole place filled up with fire– or I guess smoke– it filled up with smoke– and they had to leave– they opened up all
of the doors and the windows to air out the– anyway– they're back– they come back– and the smoke is gone– and
there's no more fire– and no more smoke– and it's cold cause all of the doors and the windows– and the kitchen the Concord
Peerless L Female Asian Jiehae Park 6 Dark Comedy
kitchen– (beat) the whole kitchen floor is covered in rats– (beat) a family of rats– a momma rat– a daddy rat– three Theatricals, Inc
baby rats– Dead– Of course dead– So– So– Lee takes out the trash– with their little rat bodies– like inside the
bag– But when he gets outside– the bag starts to move– to squeak and to move– He could hear them he
said– squeaking and moving and eating and– (She shudders.) She did it, Lee thinks– Gabby said that Lee thinks– It
was her– Cuz of that thing he said– It was her– Remember that thing at the pool– Bout her hair– Bout her
smell– Bout her dirt– It was her. So– I've been thinking– I thought– I think– She never says anything– never you
know? So those things that she told you– those things that she knew– about you and me– Maybe she sees
things– Maybe she sees that– Something Could Happen– What she said about you and finding his– Finding
him– Finding– Well maybe– Just maybe– There's– Something– She– Knows. Because here's the thing. I heard about
your breakup (he probably deserved it)– The whole school heard (he totally deserved it)– You're like really loud (it's
ok though I love you)– Here's the thing. You'll never guess who asked me after AP Euro if that meant you needed a
Hoopcoming date.
I could die tonight. I could die. I'm at Hoopcoming here with the smartest and prettiest girl in the school and her twin
who is also the prettiest is here with my brother. Who was too scared to ask anyone to Hoopcoming til I told him– You
gotta lean into the fear, lean into it hard– If you lean into it hard enough, fast enough, "Boldness has genius, power,
and magic in it." That's a quote. I didn't make that up it's a quote– I'm doing this course– My biological dad signed me
up for this course, and at first I was mad. He invited me to his "graduation" which was kind of his "graduation" but also
kind of a "recruitment meeting," and I was kinda uncomfortable with all these like grown ups with problems like
drinking or dead children or no job, but I figured, "what the hell." It's summer, "what the hell," besides it was right Looks (really)
Concord
Peerless D after– anyway– it changed me. It did. It changed me. I didn't use to see positive. I didn't use to see possible. What I Male White, 1/16 Native Jiehae Park 8 Dark Comedy
Theatricals, Inc
did use to see was fat and ugly and fat arms and fat hands and bad skin and no dad and a brother with cystic fibrosis American
and ok at school but probably a future alone choking to death on a pretzel in my mom's basement watching reruns of
Cheers. It's a show. Old people like it. My biological dad has like tapes and tapes. It's about bars. And Boston. And
loneliness. But, I learned that that's deadly. That kinking is deadly, you know? You gotta go after things. You gotta
GO. DO. GO. DON'T FEAR PAIN. And it worked. It works. I'm smart, I'm young, I lost 30 pounds. I'm not fat
anymore– (maybe my hands)– but not me. I'm smart, I'm young, I'm here with my brother, with the smartest and
prettiest girl in my class. This is the moment. This is it. I could die happy. Tonight. Because I conquered– My– Fear.
US, let me have a shot of bourbon. Better make that a double shot. Some days – pour me another; thanky. Some
days it don't pay to get out of bed. You don't ever know it till it's too late. If you could get a preview of your day first
thing in the morning, you know, kinda like they do at the picture show? You could take a look at it while you'us eatin'
breakfast and decide whether you wanted to participate or not. I's over at the mortuary tendin' to Miss Gertrude, well,
I hadn't hardly had time to get started when Omaha walked in. She said she wanted to do Miss Gertrude's hair and I
said that's fine. I have such a hard time with ladies' hair. You know it don't matter what I do, it just don't puff up right. I
told her why didn't she just wash and set it while I tended to what I needed to. Omaha started chattering away, you
Dramatic
Second Samuel June know how she is, that woman does love to talk. I don't even know what we's talkin' about but we were having the best Female Pamela Parker 1 Comedy
Publishing
time, when all of a sudden – I noticed. I thought to myself, "That can't be what I thought it was," so I looked again and
sure 'nuff it was what I thought it was. Well, I reckon I must got real quiet 'cause then Omaha stepped over beside me
and ... she saw what I saw and started screaming louder than I ever hope to hear again! So I grabbed her around the
shoulders and physically pushed her out of the room! I told her to hus, no tellin' what people might think! But she just
kept on hollerin' and ran out the front door! I didn't know what to do! Nothing like this has ever happened to me
before. So I locked up the funeral home and came over here for a drink. Gentlemen, I don't know how or why. Lord, I
don't know anything to tell you, but... Miss Gertrude... Miss Gertrude was a man!
I do need to be kinder to the unfortunates of the world. I can be generous today, Mansel's patchin' the barn roof and I
don't have to worry 'bout him leavin' till it's finished. I watched him drag his tools up the ladder – tar, shingles, enough
nails and two-by-fours to build a boat, and when he's finished? I pulled the ladder down and put it underneath the Dramatic
Second Samuel Marcela Female Pamela Parker 1 Comedy
front porch! He hollered loud enough to beat the band, but I told him, "You're stayin' up there till you finish. You ain't Publishing
runnin' off to the BAit and Brew for a while, I reckon!" Then as an added precaution, I told Junior to drive Mansel's
truck down for a picture show and I took the sedan, so even if he gets down he can't go no place.
When I was a child I used to speak with my guardian angel. Oh, I don't ask you to believe that I heard loud,
miraculous voices, but just as some children have invisible playmates, I had angelic conversations. Like Agnes'
mother, you might say. But I was a lot younger then, and I am not Anges' mother. Anyway, when I was six, I stopped
listening, and my guardian angel stopped speaking. But just as a sailor remembers the sea, I remembered that voice.
I grew, fell in love, married and was widowed, joined the convent, and shortly after I was chosen Mother Superior, I
Mother Concord
Agnes of God looked at myself one day and saw nothing but a survivor of an unhappy marriage, a mother of two angry daughters, Female John Pielmeier 1 10 Drama
Superior Theatricals, Inc
and a nun who was certain of nothing. Not even of Heaven, Doctor Livingstone. Not even of God. And then one
evening, while walking in a field beside the convent wall, I heard a voice and looking up I saw one of our new
postulants standing in her window singing. It was Agnes, and she was beautiful; and all of my doubts about God and
myself vanished in that one moment. I recognized the voice. Don't take that away from me again, Doctor Livingstone.
Those years after six were very bleak.
Let me give you some advice. Don't drink tea before ya fly. I tell ya I couldn't live without me momin' tea, but nothing
worse than bein' seven thousand feet in the air, clouds everywhere, no navigation equipment or radio aids and
thinkin' I don't know how much longer 'fore I go in me knickers. I try to tell this to the man who I've been assigned for
the day drinkin' a steamin' hot cup. It's February 1945. Just another mornin' like any other at the Airport Transport
Auxiliary - only today it's a Hudson I gotta deliver for maintenance, which means there's gotta be two of us. Me and
Girl with Aviator
this lad. And I'm tryin t' tell him, give 'em some advice so I don't gotta be worried about him needin' to wee up in the Concord
Girls Like That Helmet and Female Evan Placey Comedy
air, but he's havin' none of it. He's insistin' he take charge. He's insistin' otherwise this plane's goin' nowhere. And I Theatricals, Inc
Goggles
can see he's a stubborn so and so, so sometimes you gotta take the higher ground, sometimes you gotta sit back
and say okay, you got a willy - you know best. Sometimes when he's inspectin' the plane you gotta slip a laxative into
his tea. It's about an hour later, I'm ready to go, but he's not feelin' so good, so they get some other pilot - and let's
say he's much more amenable. As we're getting' into the plane I see the lad again, face ashen. So I tell him: 'Shoulda
listened to my advice. Told you not to drink before ya fly.'
“Were you going to tell me?” He's looking at me like I've shot Martin Luther King or something. Like I've shot Bobby
Kennedy. “I'm telling you now.” We're sitting in a park, enjoying one of the few days of sunshine. It's August 1968,
one of the worst summers on record. “Besides there's nothing to tell.” He stares at a group of people our age smoking
in the distance. A girl dances, moving her lips to a song we can't hear. And as if she has whispered some answer to
him, he: “We can live with my parents.” And I laugh. I can't help it. And I remember why I love him. When did we
become so old? We're only sixteen but I feel a century. And I wonder what the next century will look like. I start
thinking about the year 2000 and what a strange number that seems and I picture us in flying cars. And he's still
talking. I catch the end of his diatribe when he: “We don't have a choice.” And just like that, I know that while I love
him, we will not grow old together. We will not fly a car together into the next millennium. Because like that, the free
Girl with
wheeling laissez-faire hippy eco-warrior I have fallen in love with has dropped his costume and become just another Concord
Girls Like That Flowers in her Female Evan Placey Drama
traditional boy. “Are you sure it's mine?” I say nothing. “It doesn't matter. I'll love it anyway. We'll live at my parents” Theatricals, Inc
Hair
and “It doesn't matter.” Finally I speak. “It doesn't matter because it doesn't exist.” And he gives me this look. An ugly
look. A look of disdain. “Have you ... ?” “Not yet.” And he's relieved. His face loves me again. But my mind is
somewhere else. Even in the daydream I know that my daughter is not the same one, not this one inside me. I say:
“I'm sixteen.” And before I can say more, he's right in there as always - “Sixteen's practically an adult. My parents
were sixteen when they got married. We're capable of making mature decisions.” And I agree. “Which is why I can
make this one. It's my body.” And the look is back. He looks at me like I'm a ... And before he can say more, I'm up,
I'm walking away from his voice in the park. And as I pass the other young people, the girl grabs my hand. She starts
dancing with me. She leans in. For a second I think she's going to kiss me, but instead puts her mouth to my ear.
Whispers. “Us girls need to stick together.”
It's okay! I can clean it! I'll clean it! I'm sorry! I didn't think that would happen! Oh geez... This isn't good. I don't want
to lose my job here! With my track record I won't get hired at another gallery. I'll end up at a library or city hall or
worse... an elementary school! You know, this is almost like the first time we met. You were crying then, too. It was
some time ago... It was when you proposed bringing in a local street artist to do an installation and the owner hurt
Fancy People Like Female (but Your Stage
Rory your feelings by calling it a waste of resources. I had just closed the bathroom for leaning, had a sign up and Maria Pretzl Comedy From the collection, Rogue's Gallery
Fondue flexible) Partners
everything... And you stormed right past me and locked yourself in the stall. I even handed you extra toilet paper from
under the stall door, like this, when you needed to blow your nose. That's the thing about janiorts, we can be ghosts
of the buildings we clean... Out of sight and out of mind, until we're desperately needed. And then, poof! We're gone.
In a way, that is a good thing. It means we're doing our job.
So, uh, I heard that you were, um, leaving... And since, uh, you're leaving, I wanted, um -- I wanted to say that I really
enjoyed working with you, Quinn, and that I would really like to see you outside of work sometime. Ever since I
Fancy People Like started working here and saw you curate Nikola Kitton's exhbiit on recreating Michaelangelo's paintings as cats, I just Female (but Your Stage
Rory Maria Pretzl Comedy From the collection, Rogue's Gallery
Fondue thought you were something special. And I could never find the courage to talk to you because you were so cool and flexible) Partners
smart and classy... I didn't want to look... silly. But then I heard you were leaving so I told myself, if I didn't say
something soon, I'd regret it for the rest of my life. And now, this happens! It's like a sign!
Ask her out? Persephone? Me? Me? Me? Oh Persephone. She is so sweet. And beautiful. And sweet. She’s super
sweet. But ask her out? No way! She'd never go out with a guy like me. I don't even have a tan! What if I asked her
out and I had bad breath and she was grossed out and she told all her friends – “Hades has bad breath, Hades has
bad breath.” Or what if I was in the middle of asking her out and I farted? How would I ever live that down? “Hades
farts! Hades farts!” No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. can't do it. Not gonna happen. I know I'm God of the
Circus Olympus Hades Male Lindsay Price Theatrefolk Comedy
Underworld. Dealing with the wailing and gnashing of the masses is a whole lot easier than trying to get a date. Hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey! Come on! Pal of mine? Pally Pal? Pal of Pal-mania? you're more experienced than me. you've
done a lot more dating. Please? Ok. No asking. You don't have to ask her for me. You could just… Poof! Off to the
Underworld! I could charm her in the Underworld. The Underworld is very charming. Please? Pal of mine? Pal of
downtown Pal-around? Demeter won't be happy? So… we won't tell her. That’ll work. That’s the perfect plan.
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
Thank you for seeing me on such short notice, Dr. Goodstein. I'm really upset. I didn't know who to turn to and… it’s
been tearing me up inside. I just want to know…. I… How long do I have left? (looking up, a little grossed out) Dying?
Who’s thinking about dying? No! Geesh Doc, that’s a real downer. It’s my hair. My hair, my hair, how long do I have
left with my hair? I just found out my dad lost his hair at 23. That’s five years, man. Five! I know! I know. I thought I
was saved. I thought it would all work out. But the horrors don't stop, doc. Everyone is bald on my mother’s side.
Great grandfather, grandfather, uncles, aunts, they've all got the chrome dome, man. Uh huh. Alopecia. Aunt Betty’s
bald as a cue ball. I never used to think about my hair. Never gave it a second thought. Wash and go. No conditioner.
No special cut. But now I'm running out of time and I'm freaking out. I have treated my hair so bad up to now. I was
Hairball Bradley Male Lindsay Price Theatrefolk Comedy
thinking, I was wondering if it would work – I wanted to get your thoughts on this little idea, if I start treating my hair
good, maybe it’ll want to stick around. Maybe it won't fall out because it’ll be living the high life. I want to give it
parties. I want to take it to museums. Take pictures. Be there for my hair. It’s gotta make a difference, don't it? It’s got
to! I'm counting the number of hairs that fall out every day. What’s the normal number? Do you know? Is a hundred a
day normal? Am I already too late? Am I on my last legs? Am I on a speeding train to becoming a cue ball? Am I
going to wake up tomorrow, look in the mirror and see Aunt Betty? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!! Whew.
Thanks Doc. I had to get that out. It was building up inside me like a big ole hairball. Had to get it out! I guess I just
have to play the cards I've been dealt. And use conditioner. See you later Doc!
I promise I won't snot on my arm this afternoon. I have a hankie on me. I thought about bringing a box of Kleenex
but… It'd probably make you laugh, right? I was telling your mom about it, ‘bout how I'm always bothering you for
Kleenex till you got so fed up one day you said “Snot on your arm Greg. Just snot on your arm. Do it once and I'll bet
You'll never bother me about Kleenex again.” She smiled a bit. I haven't been by here since. I have to go to the
community center twice a week and I won't take the Parkway. I know it’s stupid. Your mom put a cross at the corner.
There’s already a ton of flowers there. I bought daisies. No roses, right? I think she blames me. She doesn't want to, I
Skid Marks: A
Greg know, I know she doesn't but that… that… he’s gone and ‘m here so… I blame me too. If you weren't coming over to Male Lindsay Price Theatrefolk Drama
Play About Driving
my house, you wouldn't have been at that stoplight and… God I – I see you lying on the pavement and I was waiting
for you and I thought you had forgot. I was laughing that you had forgot ‘cause you're always bugging me about my
memory and I was laughing when I picked up the phone and… I think about calling you all the time. Something funny
will happen and for a flash I think – I have to tell Meg and then I remember I can't. Sometimes I see someone from
school from behind and I'm positive it’s you. Why did it have to be you? Why did you have to be at that stoplight and
why did that… He got in his car and he took you away. Just like that. Like a breath. I miss you so much.
–LOOOOK! I'm not a great speaker, okay? I'm not even a GOOD one, really, but I worked really hard on this and it
wasn't easy and my mom works a lot and my dad– He's not really as "involved" as your dads and he doesn't–, he
doesn't know how to use PowerPoint–... and my sister's kinda always doing her own thing, so it might not be much,
but it's all me, okay? This is all–... Like, you know how they say, "do your best", and we're all like, "okay" and we think
we mean it? We say it but there's always something, you know, something you could've done a little better. Well. Not
here. I've never meant it before. You've said it and I've said it but I never meant it before. And I mean it now. This. Is.
Regina Flector
My best. This is... This is really, really honestly–... And when I couldn't use tomato sauce, I used ketchup. And when I
Wins the Science Regina Female Marco Ramirez Playscripts Comedy
ran out of glue, I used scotch tape. And when I ran out of scotch tape, I used chewing gum (hence the ants). And no
Fair
one was here to proofread everything I had written, so it's probably full of typos. Typos I would LOVE to correct, but
no one told me, So fine, no, I didn't. Not yet. 'Cause this is me. This is no one else. Just. Me. And I might not be that
smart, and it might stink and be the worst science project you've ever seen– But I don't care. 'Cause I know that no
matter what you think of it– ... I don't care. I mean, I CARE, sure, but not really. 'Cause I'm. 'Cause right now...? I'm
really, REALLY proud of myself... And I don't care about the blue ribbon or the red ribbon or the anything ribbon, I
just– ... Detergent A worked better, okay? And I–... I figured that out on my own.
I want to make sure you understand me: His represntatives - they were very clear every time. And sometimes it's my
job to negotiate - But other times - there's nothing to negotiate - and it's just my job to relay information. I was - I am
persuasive - and I could talk the stripes off a zebra, but I am not a miracle worker, I am not a magician. I should
remind you that those crowds have been growing steadily, Jay. And I should remind you that I am good-- No-- Great--
at my job, and that you will not find anyone as dedicated to you, to this sport, or to the pursuit of sport in general--
and I should also remind you that champs like that hardly ever come out of retirement, And on the rare occasion that
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The Royale Max they do, it's for nothing less than fifty-five-percent of the purse-- non-negotiable, no matter what, Idea being - if they're Male White Marco Ramirez 2 Drama A fight promoter and referee. White. Late thirties/forties.
Theatricals, Inc.
going to put those gloves back on, if you're going to wake the dragon, you're gonna make it worth their while, win or
lose. They said he'll consider it. But he needs three months. ... And he wants-- As for the purse-- Win or lose-- ... He
wants ninety percent. Listen, Jay, let's give it a little time, yeah? Like we said before, you'll be seeing twice your
numbers now by June, That puts us in a very different position, a position where we can sit down with 'em, maybe
give 'em another call-- Don't get angry, I think the important thing, the thing to remember, is that the conversation's
started, right? --
You think I'd sell out Jay? There was a man in Atlanta, too. He put two twenty dollar bills on the table, said there'd be
two more if I answered some questions-- I told 'im the same thing I told the man in Dallas. ... Not a damn word.
(Plainly) Jay Jackson was born and raised in Creek County. Weeks ago, you had me goin' through old trunks, lookin'
for a spare rope, I found this flyer - Jay's name at the bottom. Small print. The type they only use on your first fight. ...
"New Challneger Jay Jackson" -- ... "Pride of Creek County." I've heard him do his whole routine, they ask where he's Of Color, Concord
The Royale Fish Male Marco Ramirez 4 Drama An amateur boxer. Late teens/early twenties
from, he says nowhere, they say everyone's from somewhere, he changes the subject - switch - somehow now it's a unspecified Theatricals, Inc.
story 'bout how good the crawfish is in Louisana, but I knew - this whole time - And I ain't say a damn thing. (A beat.
Loaded.) This is important. I get that, sir. But that envelope you saw exchagned between me and that man, that was
me payin' him for somethin' very hard-to-come-by -- something I bought for Jay. You need to know what that is? You
gon' tear my door down like the rest of the world? Or you gon' let me have somethin' that's mine-- ... for once?
You said it yourself, Jay: This is the biggest fight of your life, you don't need anything else on your shoulders, not right
now. You've got a lot to worry about -- We're oversold for tomorrow by two hundred seats, We got radio stations
bidding to run you versus Bixby, Making offers no one's ever heard before-- and these exhibition fights over the last
couple weeks have been serving one purpose, Exhibiting you, the specimen of sport, putting you in there with human
punching bags for god's sake-- Course we're not gonna let you get killed, but can you imagine if you woulda worried
yourself into losing one of the things? That would have been bad-- That would have been very bad-- Already, they
say you think too highly of yourself, If you showed up with bodyguards, it would only get worse-- Come on, Jay-- All
I've ever done is protect you-- from them-- from worrying-- cause you don't worry 'bout train tickets, you don't worry
'bout bookings or Jim Crow, You know how many palms I have to grease on a regular basis? To keep you moving?
To keep you sleepin' in white-only hotels? And you got expensive taste, Jay-- You iknow how hard I work to keep this Concord
The Royale Max Male White Marco Ramirez 4 Drama A fight promoter and referee. White. Late thirties/forties.
pipe dream of yours from gettin' us all killed? Four men, four little pistols, Business as usual, Taken care of, by the Theatricals, Inc.
world's only inter-racial fight promoter- You're about to knock out a national hero and become the first black
Heavyweight Champion of the World, Yes, Of course it's hapened before. Now that you know, Other than adding a
whole heap o' worry onto your plate, does it change anything? Does it change why we're here, or what you're gonna
do in that ring? (Jay thinks about it. A deep breath. "No." Max sighs in relief.) Good. On my life, ain't nothin' gonna
happen to you. ... You're gonna go in there-- you're gonna knock him ou tin three, your name's gonna get written in
history. And not in Black history, not in White history, either, Jay-- In something better-- In Sports history. I'm goin'
outside. Talkin' to photographers, Fanning the flames, Tell 'em I'm offering two hundred dollars cash to whoever gets
the lights-out punch. The fun's just begun. You're gonna do great. There ain't no question. You've always been the
Heavyweight champion of the World, Jay. Tomorrow-- We just make it official.
Everyone back home's real proud of you. Mr. Parker bet his wagon on the fight. Said if you don't win, he don't see no
reason to leave the house anyway. And then there's these two. (She pulls a small picture out of her purse, hands it to
him. His eyes go wide.) Eight-and-a-half, goin' on twenty-five. Came home with a busted lip last week, Said the kids
in teh schoolyard didn't believe he was the nephew of Jay "The Sport" Jackson. Said he showed 'em it runs in the
blood. And that's my other one, George Jr. Eleven years old, But this one-- He don't care too much for sports-- so we
call him "The Doctor"-- Spends his days and nights buried in books, That one, Bigger, smarter ones than the General
Store even carries. So he saves up his pennies-- Got me orderin' from a catalog now. ... Picks 'em up every
Thursday. You should see it -- All the other kids are gettin' sleds, sling-shots, Not "The Doctor." I wasn't gon' come Concord
The Royale Nina Female Black Marco Ramirez 5 Drama Jay's big sister. Thirties.
here, Jay. I wanted to let you have this. Truly. ... But this Thursday he brings home a package, Wrapped in brown Theatricals, Inc.
paper, you should see this boy when he smells new books, That face. ... This Thursday he brings one up to me, Says
"What's this, Mama? ... Mama, this book's been written in." (She hands Jay a book, opened to the cover page. The
blood drains from his face.) It comes from the postman, at the General Store you got five, six different clerks, They
got friends, Everybody knows whose package is goin' where. Have you thought about what you're doing? In the
middle of the title-fight heavyweight champion nonsense have you stopped to think, for one second-- that you gon' up
'n get somebody killed? No, I think you're so caught up in playing David to Goliath, in being the one fish swimming
upstream, I think you up and forgot about the rest of us, the ones ain't as strong as you.
Where's the checkpoints in Harlem, Jay? Where's the checkpoints in Memphis, New Orleans? 'Cause you know as
well as I do what happens when you knock that bastard out. I don't want you to lose, I'm just afarid of what happens
when you win. One day, you won't be the strongest one in the room, Jay. Some day, you'll learn to love things outside
of yourself, and once you do, you'll know -- there's a lot out there to be afraid of. Ain't nobody appoint you the
spokesperson for Colored People International. Jay. Those men in the bar in Alabama. Those men that made the Concord
The Royale Nina Female Black Marco Ramirez 5 Drama Jay's big sister. Thirties.
paper. All four of 'em, the white ones and the black ones, they walked outta that brawl with broken wrists - broken ribs Theatricals, Inc.
- ask me they got what they deserved. Fightin' over a fight, Fightin' over you. ... But this morning, they found two of
'em, Hands cut off, strung up to a streetlight, ... I need to tell you which two? I know you're ready to win. You were
ready to take over the world the day you were born. ... I just don't think the rest of us are. Back home. ... Everybody's
already so proud, Jay. ... Every single one of us.
It’s so great to finally meet you! Listen: I was wondering if you were free next Friday. Because, if dinner goes well
tonight, I wanted to go ahead and line up a second date. See, ‘cause here’s the thing: my parents are having a
house-warming party at their new place on August 2nd, and if you and I hit it off tonight and end up seriously dating,
that party would be the perfect opportunity for you to meet my parents. So, naturally I'd like to squeeze in several
healthy size dates before then. If we don't, my parents might be a little bit skeptical of our relationship, which could in
turn be disastrous for our future, when you eventually pop the question. Not only would it make my whole family
Check Please Mary uncertain and uncomfortable during the ceremony, but it would also most likely carry over during our 16-day Female Jonathan Rand Playscripts Comedy
honeymoon in St. Martin. Even more importantly, it would be just awful if you had to deal with skeptical in-laws during
the years down the road, and all because of a little thing like not setting aside 14 healthy-sized dates before the
housewarming party. Think about how a family conflict like that could upset poor Jocelyn. Our little darling. Middle
child. Bryan first; then Jocelyn, and of course, little Madison. What? What is it? You don't like the name Madison?
Something’s on your mind. Honey, you can tell me. Are you uncomfortable because we haven't picked out the
wedding dress? Because if you are, we can pick it out now.
I actually had lunch with him at a place called “Mix.” Nick of course is on his cell phone for a full five minutes before
he can even say hello. Five minutes of the finger in the air, twitching– While I sit there grinning, like a SCHMUCK, it’s
OK, man, I know you got to hang on this endless phone call ‘cause you're so important, and I'm just some stupid–
Plus, he’s thin! Did I tell you this? You remember Nick, he was like a normal guy, right? He’s lost like forty pounds.
And I mean, he was normal, before, it’s not like he was fat, he was just normal so now he’s like– it’s like his face is
just sitting right on his skull. I don't know. I don't know. So then he orders like a huge slab of red meat, because that’s
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The Scene Charlie all he can eat, apparently. That’s how he got so thin, by eating only raw meat. And I'm doing it, I am absolutely Male Theresa Rebeck Drama
Theatricals, Inc.
humiliating myself so that I can get Nick to give me an audition for a teeny tiny part in a pilot I don't even believe
exists, when he looks at my plate and says, “I could never eat that. That is just too rich.” I mean, he’s got a slab of red
meat the size of Nebraska sitting on his plate, and I've got a plate of mushroom puree, sitting in front of me.
Mushroom puree, with about five or six itty bitty scallops on top of it, I got so self-conscious about how thin he was,
that I ordered a completely girly meal, scallops in mushroom puree, just so I wouldn't have to think about that crap
while I castrated myself for this– this skull person!
What have I ever done to you? This is savage, what you're doing! You could have had your fight after the 12th, but
no, you're determined to ruin my wedding, a wedding which is already a catastrophe. The only two people whose
presence guaranteed some spark of satisfaction are determined to destroy one another, just my luck! You think I like
pack of Filofax paper or rolls of Scotch tape, you think any normal man wakes up one day desperate to sell
Art Yvan Male Yazmina Reza Dramatists Comedy Translated by Christopher Hampton
expandable document wallets? ... What am I supposed to do? I farted around for forty years, I made you laugh, oh
yes, wonderful, I made all my friends laugh their heads off, playing the fool, but at night, who was left solitary as a
rat? Who crawled back into his hole every night all on his own? This buffoon, dying of loneliness, who'd switch on
anything that he talks and who does he find on the answering machine? His mother. His mother. And his mother.
Yvan returns! The elevator was full, I plunged down the stairs, clattering all the way down thinking, a coward, an
amoeba, no substance, I thought I'll come back with a gun and blow his head off, then he'll see how spineless and
obsequious I am, I got to the lobby and I said to myself, listen, pal, you haven't been in therapy for six years to wind
up shooting your best friend and you haven't been in therapy for six years without learning that some deep anxiety
must lie behind his insane aggression, so I relaunch myself, telling myself as I mount the penitential stair, this is a cry
Art Yvan for help, I have to help Marc if it's the last thing I do... In fact the other day I discussed you with Finklezohn... I discuss Male Yazmina Reza Dramatists Comedy Translated by Christopher Hampton
everything with Finklezohn... I knew your relationship was under a strain and I wanted Finklezohn to explain... He
said something kind of amusing ... I wrote it down because it was complicated... Should I read it to you? ... "If I'm who
I am because I'm who I am and you're who you are because you're who you are, then I'm who I am and you're who
you are. If, on the other hand, I'm who I am because you're who you are and if you're who you are because I'm who I
am, then I'm not who I am and you're not who you are ..." It's very profound.
We're not in heaven. we're in a hell reserved for people who sell organs on the black market and the people who
loved them. That’s right. When you die, you go straight to the person you most loved, right back to the very moment,
the very place you decided you loved them. There’s a spiritual pipeline, you might say. In life we are often separated
from what we love best -- errors of timing, of geography -- but there are no errors in the afterlife. You loved me most,
Dead Man's Cell Concord
Gordon Jean, so you came to me. You and I -- we're alike. We both told lies to help other people. You decided to help a dead Male Sarah Ruhl Drama
Phone Theatricals, Inc
man because only a dead person can be one hundred percent good. You have to be very careful who you fall in love
with, and where. A nondescript café for all time? couldn't you have chosen better wall hangings? Or better weather?
An overcast day, for all time? I saw you before I died; you didn't see me. You saw me after I died; I couldn't see you.
We had star-crossed eyes. Now we can gaze and gaze for all time...
I love you, Molly. But this isn't the life you were meant for. It's a different life you should've had. You shoulda been out
there taking on the world. You could've been a lawyer – and then you'd be your own expert witness. But I talked you
out of college and I'm sorry. Don't leave me, Molly. I had seven different things I could do and I can't do any of them. I
can't stop you, I can't leave you, I can't change your mind or lock you up or take your kids away or jump off a bridge, Dramatic
Molly's Hammer Billy Male Tammy Ryan Drama Based on the book Hammer of Justice by Liane Ellison Norman
or do anything that's gonna have any effect! The only thing I got left to do is support you. And I do, Molly. I do. You Publishing
are right about all of it, we're facing the end of the world and you've made me see that. But I can't support you going
to prison. I don't know how to do that! How do I do that? If there's anything left in your heart for me: go back into that
court room and save yourself.
OK, OK, OK, so if it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen! What do you want me to do about it? You go to Cleveland
with those scripture-quoting priests, that Father Berrigan, and you come back under this spell, like they got some kind
of mind control over you– I know what mind control is, I been in the marines. First they separate you, then they tell
you the same things over and over and over until you think like they want you to. I recognize this. This got nothing to
Dramatic
Molly's Hammer Billy do with first strike nuclear bombs. This is about our marriage. This is about what it's always about, about my not Male Tammy Ryan Drama Based on the book Hammer of Justice by Liane Ellison Norman
Publishing
being home every night. Whenever I have a game I hear the same thing over and over– But I don't get to relax, after
working all day? I come home, you're not here or you're on the phone till midnight or you're at some meeting, nobody
knows anything about dinner. I been putting up with this for years. I get it! We gotta stop what we're doing before we
blow ourselves up. But why's it gotta be you?
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
THIS IS THE ONLY TIME I GET TO TALK TO YOU ALONE – without them interfering – you owe me that! I'm looking
up court cases, I'm clipping articles in the paper, every letter for you or against you, I got letters from all kids of
people, reporters calling day and night. Phil Donahue wants you to be on his show for godsake! Who do you think is
making all the arrangements? I'm dealing with all of that – for you. My job might be in jeopardy. I might not have a job Dramatic
Molly's Hammer Billy Male Tammy Ryan Drama Based on the book Hammer of Justice by Liane Ellison Norman
when we get back. So don't act like I'm not supporting you in this, but Molly – you have to give me something back. I Publishing
need a guarantee from you that you are not going to follow these fanatics all the way to a maximum security prison!!
What's a fanatic? It's a person who only sees their own point of view, and nothing else. There's no reasoning with
you!
You'd rather stay in here with these low lives and let your kid cook the Thanksgiving turkey, than be with your family?
I am sick to death hearing about the system. For some of us, the system works. I don't know you anymore, Molly. I
don't know you. You come first with me. You always have. For you, it's the issues along with the rest of the world that
come first. I've been a prison to you all these years and I'm the last one to know it. Wheare do I come in? Second? Dramatic
Molly's Hammer Billy Male Tammy Ryan Drama Based on the book Hammer of Justice by Liane Ellison Norman
Third? Seventh? Eleventh? I chose you. On that rainy day from the minute I saw you. I guess it wasn't the same for Publishing
you. Greg is gonna cook a thirty pound turkey and mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce on Thanksgiving because
you're having such a good time in here. You can lie to us, but be honest with yourself, Molly. You are right where you
want to be. Congratulations. You have a nice life.
Going to prison has always been the last part of the action. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid. But I'm more terrified of
surrendering my conscience. The system wins and I disappear. Like a myth. Maybe if I go to prison, people will at
least wonder, why did she do it? It will be up to people outside, to keep the story alive, I guess. I talked myself out of
college. Sure, they offered a scholarship. But I didn't have the money for all the other things you need, bus fare,
Dramatic
Molly's Hammer Molly clothes, books. I wouldn't have fit there. What I wanted was to try and fix some of the things I saw wrong with the Female Tammy Ryan Drama Based on the book Hammer of Justice by Liane Ellison Norman
Publishing
world. For that to happen I had to educate myself, so maybe college would've gotten in the way of that. I married you
because I loved you and I wanted to make a life with you. Is this the marriage I dreamed of when we were eighteen? I
don't know. This is the life I chose and I'm not turning my back on that. Even if I go to prison for the rest of it. Try not
to be afraid, for the kids' sake.
It could happen. I feel it. In my gut. Because we think we can win. That's what First Strike means. First. Strike. It
means the government believes twe can win a "prolonged limited" nuclear war. We have so many bombs on both
sides now we can wipe each other out many times over. "Mutually Assured Destruction." That's deterrence– But now
these First Strike weapons are unbelievably accurate. Listen to me, our missiles are pointed at their missile silos. We
plan to hit them first. Wipe out their weapons so they can't fight back. The only reason to do that would be to start a
nuclear war. The shift in policy has eben in place since the seventies, but in July, Carter signed the Nuclear Targeting Dramatic
Molly's Hammer Molly Female Tammy Ryan Drama Based on the book Hammer of Justice by Liane Ellison Norman
Directive, they've got pre-planned attack options targeting urban centers– Launch on Warning. That means the Publishing
military can launch on short notice, bypassing the State Department. And if the Russians think we plan to hit them
first, won't that make them more trigger happy? To strike us first before their weapons are taken out? People make
mistakes. One thing leads to the next. And some scared and confused solider gets a message– then someone
pushes a button. It's 1980. I don't believe we're going to see the end of this century. That's why I... am about ... to
do... Something.
You want to talk about mind control? Look at the control this government has over everyone. We're all living in denial
that the end of the world could ever happen, or that we can do anything to stop it. It's too much, so we've all become
physically numb– but we can– we can act– They've asked me to do... something. Something more serious than
anything I've ever done before and I will probably, most likely. I will definitely be arrested. I've been working for peace
and social justice my whole life, Bill. And yes, Dan is an influence, but so is everything I've been learning and doing
Dramatic
Molly's Hammer Molly all these years. What do you think my work at the Thomas Merton Center has been about? The protests and Female Tammy Ryan Drama Based on the book Hammer of Justice by Liane Ellison Norman
Publishing
marches and candlelight vigils and letters to the editor are not enough now. We are at a crossroads. And I have to
decide. Am I going to passively accept the death this government is handing out – to me, to you, to our children – or
am I going to resist? I'm not crazy, Bill. Do I look crazy to you? I'm listening to my conscience. And my conscience
tells me not to act – would be a sin. I'm not asking for your permission, Bill. I'd like your blessing. But I'm not asking
permission.
They call me a collector, I was not a collector-- and of course they've included that stupid rhyme-- "She sells
seashells by the seashore--" Because men get chapters in books and their names upon plaques. And women get
appealing little rhymes. Why can't they say-- Mary Anning, who scaled the cliffs of England from the time she learned
Dramatic The 19th-century British palentologist as imagined by a 12-year-old girl. Part bag lady, part Mary
Digging Up Dessa Mary Anning to walk? Mary Anning, who pulled dragons from the earth with her bare hands! Do you know what a pioneer is, Female Open Ethnicity Laura Schellhardt 5 Drama
Publishing Poppins, a pragmatist, open ethnicity.
Dessa? It's getting your hands dirty day after day, whether you're weary or aching or the weather is bad-- you lead
the field by living in the field-- and that is what I did! I was a pioneer, I mean honestly! What does it cost them to say
that? History is the domain of rich white men, my dear, who as a breed are allergic to change.
I mean, you SHOULD do it on behalf of a palentologosit who deserves her portrait on that wall-- BECAUSE THAT
WALL IS EVERY WALL! Don't you get it? No, of course you don't, because tehre's a white man on every wall you
look at, and in every book and on every screen. So you grew up thinking you could do anything because everywhere Dramatic
Digging Up Dessa Dessa Female Open Ethnicity Laura Schellhardt 7 Drama 12, a hunter of fossils, a realist, open ethnicity
you looked there were examples of all you could be! But ME? I'm a frickin' miracle, you know that? And NOT because Publishing
I like science and NOT because I'm good at it-- no, I'm a miracale because I'm going to PURSUE science-- when so
few faces on so few walls prove that I can.
Ok, two points. One-- I don't expect you to do anything. I have that much in common with your dad. And two - if
anything happens to you in this neighborhood it's because everyone here works two jobs to get by and you spent
your day playing golf. Nothing's gonna happen to you, OK? You don't even have to get dirty. It's actually important
you leave the heavy lifting to me. I'M gonna find the fossils, and I'M gonna dig them out of the ground. But the judges
Dramatic
Digging Up Dessa Dessa will assume YOU found them and YOU dug them out of the ground. Because you're a man, DUH. And you're gonna Female Open Ethnicity Laura Schellhardt 7 Drama 12, a hunter of fossils, a realist, open ethnicity
Publishing
let them give you credit! For a hot second you are. Because that's our hypothesis. That's the theory that we intend to
prove. We're gonna prove that science is still biased against women. It won't take long, trust me. They'll ignore my
work just like they ignored Mary Anning's-- And then-- In a moment of triumph-- we'll reveal their bias and demand
they hang her face on the museum wall!
Dessa's dad died. Last spring. Dessa didn't mention that? Well, Dessa's not OK. And she needs to talk about being
not OK, and the fact that she hasn't - to me or to you is also not OK. You're her friend, right? No offense, Nilo, but you
see this stack of letters? Those are from kids Dessa knew back home. They call her every week-- and when she
Dramatic
Digging Up Dessa Esther doesn't return those calls, they write her letters. Letters she refuses to open, but that's not the point. Her crew writes Female Open Ethnicity Laura Schellhardt 7 Drama Dessa's mother, a writer of songs, an idealist, open ethnicity
Publishing
her letters, your crew dares you to play in traffic so you might want to reconsider your friends. Look, I'm not gonna tell
your father you skipped school to run across a highway-- So maybe you could do me a favor and encourage my
daughter to talk about what happened to her. If the opportunitiy arises. Cuz she's sure not talking to me.
They have a dress code! The school! Has a dress code! I got detention. DETENTION! Because the school has a
dress code. You know what they objected to? THE WIDTH OF MY STRAPS! Apparently my shirt straps have to be
three fingers wide. There's a heat wave and they want my straps to be THREE FINGERS WIDE. And why? Because
Dramatic
Digging Up Dessa Dessa otherwise -- wait for it -- MY COLLARBONE IS TOO DISTRACTING! IT'S NO JOKE! Here's my collarbone, Nilo-- Female Open Ethnicity Laura Schellhardt 9 Drama 12, a hunter of fossils, a realist, open ethnicity
Publishing
DOES THAT DISTRACT YOU? You're in this, becuase that dress code? That's for your benefit, not mine. That dress
code is sexist as hell. I have detention tomorrow. And probbably the day after, because tomorrow my shirt's gonna
have NO STRAPS AT ALL!
Hey. Hey, listen. I don't know what it's like to lose a parent, but maybe-- Dude, she's worried about you. And don't
punch me for saying this, but you're hyperventilating, you're like made of rage, and you see dead people so ... I think
Dramatic
Digging Up Dessa Nilo you lost your dad. So you get a free pass on crazy for a while. But also ... most of the time all I want is a soda, some Male Open Ethnicity Laura Schellhardt 11 Drama 13, a popular boy with the potential to be more, an opportunist, white.
Publishing
chips, and a few hours with the Xbox, but ALL of the time? I want one parent - just one - who cares about me as
much as your mom cares about you.
I don't understand why you're so angry-- I got you out of detention. My father got you out of detention because I
asked him to! Because I told him we were onto something here and couldn't afford the delay-- You do need my help!
And my dad's help. Yes you do! You stomp around school. You growl at anyone who gets in your way. You've worn Dramatic
Digging Up Dessa Nilo Male Open Ethnicity Laura Schellhardt 11 Drama 13, a popular boy with the potential to be more, an opportunist, white.
that same outfit three times this week - why do you think everyone calls you Guttergirl? Or -- or why they did -- until I Publishing
started sticking up for you because someone needs to save you from yourself! ... I can hear you. Talking to your
invisible friend. ... I'm sorry ... I talked to my dad before talking to you. I'm not trying to "save you" --
You're always saying later. That's a favorite play of yours. No, Milt. Not tonight. These things must be said while they
still can be said. I'd like to continue if you don't mind. Now. You'll notice on this graph how at the beginning of our
marriage the red horizontal line touches the blue vertical line at a point of ... 14, 15 times a week, and how, gradually,
the number of contacts becomes less and less until 18 months ago, when we have an abrupt break-off, the last time
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LUV Ellen being July 23rd, the night of your sister's wedding, and after that date the red horizontal line doesn't touch the blue Female Murray Schisgal Comedy
Theatricals, Inc
vertical line once, not once! I have nothing further to say, Milt. When something like this is allowed to happen to a
marriage, you can't go on pretending. You want to pretend. Oh, the temptation is great to overlook, to find excuses, to
rationalize. But here, Milt, here are the facts. Our relationship has deteriorated to such an extent that I don't feel
responsible any more for my own behavior.
I will! I will dream on. Because that is exactly what I am talking about. My dreams. Which you do not know. And which
you don't think are important enough to know. Do you think this body is something? What a joke! Any great poet the
last three thousand years will tell you what a joke that is! This stuff, this flesh, this heavy breathing … We have this
aptitude in our hearts and brains and souls to arrive at something so rich and inflamed and unspeakable and sacred
and New! I won't give up my standards! I know what I know. If I tried to live on the kind of things you're offering me,
I'd starve to death. you've got to dig for treasure, Duke! Not settle for the stuff just lying out on the ground. You could
Women of Comedy /
Judy sleep with me if you weren't so lazy and narcissistic and were willing to exert yourself a little and show some interest Female John Patrick Shanley Dramatists
Manhattan Drama
in the actual core of another human being! But you will not sleep with me because I will not perform a stupid
mechanical pantomime, like I was trying and failing to remember something fine, something from a better world,
something alien and beautiful and lost! What, you look vacant, don't you get it? I'll give it to you in a nutshell. I'll give it
to you in basic modern American: I'm not interested in the hardware without the software. Look, let’s just let this fall
apart, okay? don't hang around for the sake of neatness. I'll get the check. It was worth that much to me to have my
say.
Here. Our father died. Heart attack. Last Thursday. He left us both a fortune. Read it. (beat) Nothing happened. He
died. Yes, I'm all right. I'm cold. It’s not nice out, okay? His last words were… He asked for you. Eleven years. Eleven
years of saying he’s dead and he really is dead. I mean I was so used to it. Man. I haven't seen mom’s handwriting
since 1968. He’s dead. He really is dead. I keep having this image of a coffin with a gator on the lid. Is that awful?
Concord
Homesteaders Jack That’s awful. Well how do you mourn for a guy who threw you out of his house? Oh my god. The money. The money. Male Nina Shengold Drama
Theatricals, Inc
don't you see? He changed his will. He undisowned us. Not only that, but he must have had it changed before,
because his death was so sudden, look: “One minute he was opening the freezer door and the next he was gone. Ice
cubes all over the floor.” can't you see what I'm saying? It wasn't the big repentance on his deathbed. He didn't have
a deathbed. He forgave us.
We walked right through town. Past the donut shop, past the miniature golf course, past the Chevron station. And he
opened the bottle up and offered it to me. Before he even took a drink, he offered it to me first. And I took it and drank
it and handed it back to him. And we just kept passing it back and forth like that as we walked until we drank the
whole thing dry. And we never said a word the whole time. Then, finally, we reached this little white house with a red
awning, on the far side of town. I'll never forget the red awning because it flapped in the night breeze and the porch
light made it glow. It was a hot, desert breeze and the air smelled like new cut alfalfa. We walked right up to the front
Fool for Love Eddie porch and he rang the bell and I remember getting real nervous because I wasn't out for a expecting to visit anybody. Male Sam Shepard Dramatists Comedy
I thought we were just out for a walk. And then this woman comes to the door. This real pretty woman with red hair.
And she throws herself into his arms. And he starts crying. He just breaks down right there in front of me. And she’s
kissing him all over the face and holding him real tight and he’s just crying like a baby. And then through the doorway,
behind them both. I see this girl. She just appears. She’s just standing there, staring at me and I'm staring back at her
and we can't take our eyes off each other. It was like we knew each other from somewhere but we couldn't place
where. But the second we saw each other, that very second, we knew we'd never stop being in love.
Mind if I sit down here? I am not going up to that yellow room again. Shoot. ‘Scuse me. I don't ever do this. I just get
sorta – uh – sick and tired of things, from time to time. Sometimes I just – I don't know. I don't know. Or what I'm sittin’
here jabberin’ away at you for, either. You really, you don't understand me at all, do you? That’s why, I guess. Talkin’
to Betty, or Ellard, you know, there’s always that slim chance you might be understood. Cain’t have that. And David,
The Foreigner Catherine Female White Larry Shue Dramatists Drama
of course, he’s off someplace – instead of stickin’ around here getting’ to know me. I just keep thinkin’ if he – if he
knew me a little better, he wouldn't – Oh boy. You ever know anybody that was just so good, that you just feel vile
most of the time? I don't think I was cut out to be a decent person. You know? Some people are just meant to be a
waste of food, and I think I'm one of ‘em. I'm good at it.
I was reading my paper when the waiter came over and asked if I was alone. Well! It was obvious that I was alone. I
was sitting there, in a booth, by myself – did he think I thought I had an imaginary friend with me? I was alone! Did he
have to rub it in? Was he trying to be funny? Did he think he was, in some way better than me? It was his tone. "Are
you alone?" But what he meant to say was "You're alone aren't you?" And I can't imagine that he's not alone every
single day of his miserable, pathetic life! He has terrible skin. Not the way bad skin is attractive on some people. On
The Food Chain Amanda Female Nicky Silver Dramatists Comedy
some men! It's never attractive on women – have you noticed that? Just one more example of the injustices we are
forced to suffer! If we have bad skin, we're grotesque! Let a man have bad skin and he can be Richard Burton for
god's sake! I hate being a woman! I've strayed. The point is the water with terrible skin and greasy hair asks if I'm
alone. I want to pick up my butter knife and stab it in his sunken caved in chest! But I simply respond "No, I'm
married, thank you."
Chris and April are gonna be in debt for the rest of their lives, and so is their kid. And so are my parents. I'm the only
one with my head above water. But of course, ultimately, I'm screwed too. This whole country's screwed, you know
that? Thanks to people like Fink. You know Fink was the one who kept telling my dad to build those crappy spec
houses! Oh, everyone's doing it. Easy money. Get in on the game, Glen. 'Cause houses aren't for living in anymore.
They're for flipping! Like burgers. But then the big burger bubble blows up. And who do you think gets bailed out? Not
The Bad Guys Jesse us, nah. We go broke. Fink and his buddies – they're the ones getting government cheese. Welfare for Wall Street, Male Alena Smith Dramatists Dark Comedy
that's what America is all about. Ain't that ironic? Dontcha think? 'Cause America, we hate welfare! But now Fink and
his friends, they're special. They're too big to fail! So these guys, these banksters, what they need from us – what
they need from you, America – is oh, just a little thing called seven hundred billion dollars. Oh – and that's just to
start. An appetizer – no, an appeteaser. That's what they call it at Applebee's, right? And you know what they call it at
KFC. A Double Down. Yep. That's what we did here, America. We just doubled down on this bullshit.
Well, when Mama died, some ladies from up the church town brought out some covered dishes, and when they came
in the house, I could smell fried chicken. It smelled so good. I could just taste it. We hadn't had no chicken in a real
long time. Mama used to trade her sewin' fer a chicken now and then. But I still remembered how it smelled. But them
ladies, they acted like they was gonna get them pretty dresses dirty or somethin', some of them dresses my mama
sewed for'em, and they kept looking at Mama, laid out in her box in the front room like she was gonna sit up and say
Digging Up the somethin' to 'em, like they ain't never seen nobody ... nobody dead afore. They tried to act nice, and prayed with us,
Addie Female Laura Lundgren Smith Playscripts Drama
Boys and then they said they all had to get back to town, and would I mind puttin' the food in somethin' so they could have
their dishes back? So I did, and I thanked 'em real nice, and they went on out. I was thinkin' 'bout that chicken,
watchin' 'em walk down the hill to their car, thinkin' I'd save the big meaty pieces for Daddy, and then I heard one of
them ladies, she talked real loud, and she said, "Lord, pass over Brokeback Holler on account of they're all half-dead
already and ain't got a pot to piss in." I went straight and took that chicken and threw it down the privy hole. And I ain't
laid eyes on no chicken since.
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
Sit down! Let me tell you somethin', boy, that noise while ago was about 80 ton a' slate shiftin' right over our heads.
You go knockin' around, you'll kill us all! And what do you think is on the other side a' that slate? Mountain air? Could
be more gas, could be black damp, and they'd both kill us dead. So get a holt of yourself! You can sit here or you can
knock down that wall and cut your own throat. I lost my daddy and my uncle in a collapse. I've been in a collapse,
Digging Up the
Floyd seen a piece a' slate big as ten men fall on my best friend. I'm thirty-four years old, and I've had the black lung for Male Laura Lundgren Smith Playscripts Drama
Boys
twelve years. A miner's life is all about diggin' up or buryin', son. You do it long enough, you won't be able to tell the
difference. You's born into it, just like the rest of us. Your daddy, his daddy, and his daddy. Your family's been in debt
to the Company store for a hunnerd years. You don't know nothin' else. You can't even write your name. You just
make your mark.
Hey boys, down in that deep ol' hole! Can you hear me? 'S'it hot down there, that close to hell? Bet Ol' Scratch is
whisperin' to y'all right about now. Hey! You hear me down there, you buncha no-counts? Hey!! Lemme tell y'all
somethin'. Are you listening'? I am a soldier. I am a soldier and I work for a soldier's wage. Thirty piece of silver. You
hear me? The Company hired me on account of I had schoolin'. I could write my name and do cipherin'. And that's
more than what any o' you coal scratchers could do, ain't it? Ain't it?! Fifteen more miles and finishin' fifth grade is the
diff'rence atween you down there dyin' and me up here drinkin'. Now listen up, and listen good, 'cause I got bad news
for you all. Your whole life's bad news. I'm the Company's boy! 'At's right! Said to me, "Son, crack the whip over and
Digging Up the keep your mouth shut, and we'll give ya a wage and a place to life. Finish out that pitiful mud hole and we'll send ya
Foreman Male Laura Lundgren Smith Playscripts Drama
Boys some'eres else." Now here's the tough word, men. Here's the gospel. Ain't nobody comin' for y'all. Nope. Not a soul.
The Company's got another boy too, 'at government inspector, and he's paid to look the other way and he has,
yessir, when there wadn't good ventilation, and then when they found 'at gas. So that inspector's gonna say this ol'
mine, it's afire, it's a burner and ain't nobody could still be alive, and they gonna seal y'all up in there. No sir, nobody
could be alive, no need to do nothin' – no harm, no foul. No harm, no foul. Naw sir. Naw sir. Yessir. I'm your boy, sir.
"Oh men, don't go down that hole, don't go, don't go, for I say true the devil's eyes are coal and he's got his eyes on
you. Oh man, don't go down that mine, don't go, don't go, don't leave your wife, for I say true down there is death and
he will take your life."
And what of us, Colleen? Sod us, right? Sod his family! Die like a martyr, oh fine and well, and leave us to starve! I
know what Da left me; that much I know. I know he left me the worry of how to survive, worrying every day if there's
The Shape of the
Brigid money for bread and tea. The worry of this flat, falling down 'round our ears. And the worry of you, determined to be Female Laura Lundgren Smith Playscripts Drama
Grave
just like him. It's is a pipe dream, bought with blood! It killed us a hundred years past, and it will be killing us a
hundred years from now. It won't change, Colleen, can't you see that? It means nothing!
We wouldn't wear the prison garb. To defy them, we took our blankets and wore them instead. We weren't criminals,
and we wouldn't wear the clothes of criminals. We were treated worse than criminals, worse than animals – no
showers, no toilets, not even a toothbrush. Beaten without provocation. When we tried to starve ourselves in protest,
The Shape of the
Prisoner they held us down and shoved feeding tubes into our throats. Why, I wondered? Why try so hard to keep us alive? Is Laura Lundgren Smith Playscripts Drama
Grave
the publicity so negative when we die? And then I realized, if we die from hunger, they couldn't hurt us any longer.
We would finally be out of their reach. It wasn't enough for them to keep us from living free; they didn't want us to
have freedom at all – even in death. Even in death.
I was reading a book. Very absorbed. Lulu was sitting, as she always does, next to the window. Suddenly, I realized
that I had forgotten to give her her afternoon pill. I glanced up, and she was sitting forward in her chair, leaning on the
sill. It was odd. I knew she wouldn't notice me but I said her name, Lulu? And she turned and looked at me, really
Concord
Haiku Nell looked at me, for the first time. She asked me to forgive her. Hah! As if there was anything to forgive. She was so Female Katherine Snodgrass Drama
Theatricals, Inc
frightened, so frightened. It’s as if she’s trapped, trapped in a maze and everything’s all white, like cotton, or clouds,
and ...and she can't get out. Everything moves so slowly. And when she tries, sounds come in to distract her. They
pull her away, and she can't concentrate. She can't be herself. But she was there. She is. Louise is there.
Because we were kissing. It was the first – We didn't know he was there. Until he said something, "Hey, save some of
that for me." Sara told him to leave us alone. I couldn't believe she – Then he offered to pay us. I grabbed her arm
and started walking away. He came up after us, called us... – Sara told him to... – I couldn't believe – He came up
and punched her in the back, then he grabbed her and pulled her away. I yelled for someone to call the police. He
pushed her against the building and started banging her head against the building. He told her to watch her ... mouth.
Stop Kiss Callie But he had her hand over her jaw, she couldn't – she just made these mangled – she was trying to breathe. I came Female Diana Son Dramatists Drama
up behind him and grabbed his hair – he turned around and punched me in the stomach. I threw up, it got on him.
Sara tried to get away but he grabbed her and started banging her head against his knee. I tried to hold his arms
back, but he was stronger – he knocked her out. He pushed me to the ground and started kicking me. Someone
yelled something – "cops are coming" – and he took off in the opposite direction. West. He was limping. He hurt his
knee. That's what happened.
You know, when I was little, my parents made me take tennis lessons – I'm not an athlete – neither are my parents, I
don't know why – because the lessons were free! And it was summer and my parents didn't want me sitting around
the house doing nothing which is what they thought I was doing – which was true. So they made me take these
lessons, and I tried – but I was a natural klutz. Still, at the end of the summer we all had to play in the tournaments.
Stop Kiss Callie Female Diana Son Dramatists Drama
So for the first round, I get pitted against this kid who obviously took tennis lessons because she wanted to be a
really good tennis player. The match takes like 10 minutes. Afterwards, my parents can barely speak, they feel so
bad. They take me to Dairy Queen, tell me to order whatever I want – I get the triple banana split, and for the rest of
the summer they let me sit around and watch Love Boat reruns, which is all I wanted to do anyway.
There are so many women, Louise. Pale blondes with subtle streaks of blue along their wrists. Dark-haired, with
elegantly cut figures, tall, short, some wearing jangling beads. Some are so fragile that you touch them like a leaf,
Concord
The Underpants Frank Versati some are strong and you draw them to you forcefully. But you, Louise, are beyond category, and when I am with you, Male Carl Sternheim Comedy Adapted by Steve Martin
Theatricals, Inc
I will be in unknown territory, taking in my hands something unfamiliar and new, unlike anyone ever. I am on fire,
Louise, and there is no doubt I am finally and forever in love.
He didn't like my career. That's why... That's why he passed on. He just passed on. That's what happened. He
passed on... me. He didn't die. He left me! Four years ago he left me. Is that what you want to hear? He passed on
me and our marriage. He left me, okay? Are you happy, neighbor? I never said he died. I said he passed on. It's my
business. It's my embarrassment, not the world's. I just never elaborated, that's all. I'm sorry. He left because of me. It
was... it was close to Christmas... We'd been fighting most of the fall, so Christmas didn't seem to matter much. We
didn't even decorate the house that year. I came home, and Michael, that was my husband's name, Michael, was
sitting by the fireplace drinking a scotch. He's not a drinker, so I knew something was a matter. He'd been crying. I
never saw him do that before... So... so... and I looked at him and he looked at me and then he just said "no more". I
Sealed for Concord
Diane knew what that meant. He picked up his suitcases... and stared at me... Waiting. Waiting for something he would Female Doug Stone 1 Comedy
Freshness Theatricals, Inc
never get – answers... maybe regrets... anything that would make him stay. And... I... I said nothing. And he walked
out... The following day I called a real estate agent, put the house up on the market and left the very same day. I told
none of my neighbors I was moving... left no forwarding address. I locked the door... put the keys through the
mailslot... and never looked back. I never said a word to him. That's when he died – we died. It just got easier to say
he was dead than he left me. It's embarrassing to go into home after home, full of families... and relationships... and
love – you know? and... and... tell wives that my husband left me. How many of those homes were the couples
divorced? None. Not too many single, divorced women through Tupperware parties. It was just easier to say he
passed on. No one questioned me.
I made a career and left behind a marriage. I think I... I did. I needed a career. I had to get my mind off of things. I had
to forget. I tried to be responsible. I tried to do the right thing... to... to keep a house... to... have children. I tried! Four
Sealed for times I tried for a... I couldn't try anymore. I needed to... I had to forget... I couldn't have a... ba... ba... Every home I Concord (The play is a comedy, but - like many good comedies - there are dramatic arcs. This is not a
Diane Female Doug Stone 1 Comedy
Freshness went into had pictures of children. Four times I was pregnant. Four times I was going to have a... a... ba (she finishes Theatricals, Inc. comedic monologue.)
the word "baby" without saying a word) and... and... then... then... then came the bleeding... and then... nothing. I
couldn't try anymore! No. No more. And now... I... I... have to forget... I have to. You'll have to excuse me.
Hey, Laufer. Do you have diabetes? See, Jean here was trying to get me to drink the punch, but I was worried about
getting diabetes and getting my legs chopped off. But, Jean... get this, Jean, being the good Samaritan sister that she
is, offered to carry me around, legless and all. Ain't that right, Jean? No? So you'd just let me flounder about in the
Sealed for Concord
Sinclair fruit aisle of a supermarket? While folks thumped melons and squeezed nectarines all around me. Till one polite old Female Doug Stone 1 Comedy
Freshness Theatricals, Inc.
lady who pitied my situation would kindly ask, "How did it happen, dear?" And I'd say, "Why I lost my legs at a
Tupperware party, ma'am." And she'd say, "What a shame, I had an aunt who lost her legs the very same way, here's
a quarter to go toward your prosthetics." So, would you carry me around the supermarket, Jean?
Ya know, every Sunday my aunt Jenny would bring two big jugs of punch to my Sunday School class. Now I don't
know what she put in that punch, but one day between that punch and the rice crispy squares little Bobby Benefiled
got all wacky-doo. He took one of the big crucifix statues and was flying Jesus on a cross like an airplane. He was
Sealed for Concord
Tracy Ann wild-eyed and foaming at the mouth and screaming, "watch out below, you sinners, 'cause the Squadron of Christ is Female Doug Stone 1 Comedy
Freshness Theatricals, Inc.
coming to drop a sinner bomb on your house." Well. After that, Pastor Paul didn't allow Aunt Jenny to bring any more
punch around. We never did see Bobby after that day. I think he ended up in one of those military schools for the
deranged. Last I heard he was a minister and part-time crop duster in Baton Rouge.
Mr. Pulaski! Hi, it’s Ms. Sun from Bergen Street. 280 Bergen. Apartment four? Hey! Mr. Pulaski, thanks for being so
patient, I know how late my rent is… By the way, how’s your wife Margaret? Cool. And your son Josh? Long Island
University. That’s serious. Oh he’s gonna love it and he'll be close to home. But yes, I apologize for not getting you
last month’s rent on time, but see the IRS put a levy on my bank account and I just can't retrieve any money from it
right now. Well, it should be cleared by Tuesday but the real reason why I called was to say I'm startin’ a new
teaching program up here in the Bronx and it’s a six-week-long workshop and they're paying me exactly what I owe
you so… What’s that? Theatre. I'm teaching theatre. A play actually. It’s called Our Country’s Good… Have you
No Child... Ms. Sun Female African American Nilaja Sun Dramatists 1 2 Drama
heard of it? Well it’s about a group of convicts that put on a play … so the kids are actually gonna be doing a play
within a play within … What’s that? Ah, yes, kids today need more discipline and less self-expression. Less “lulu-lala”
and more daily structure like Catholic school during Pope Pius the Twelfth. On the flip side of the matter, having gone
to Catholic school for thirteen years, I didn't even know I was black until college. Sir? Sir, are you still there? I gotta
go teach, sir. Are we cool with getting you that money by the twenty-fifth? How about the thirtieth? Thirty-first? I know,
don't push it. You rock. Yes, I'm still an actor. No, not in anything right now. But soon. Yes, sir, happy Lent to you too,
sir.
This is very serious. You what? The point is you put all our jobs at risk when you left here without locking up your red
folder. I need you to be a team player. We have a big project coming up. I need you to bat this out of the field. I need
this to be a T.K.O - Total um Knockout. You hear what I'm saying? You got to take this one long and score between
or among those posts. Are there three posts? Is there one post? It doesn't matter. It's a metaphor. I need your head
in the game. I don't want to fire you. This could even be partially my fault. I haven't been entirely present with you
lately. I've had a lot of personal issues. My mother was visiting and I haven't been feeling beautiful. Sometimes I feel
Food for Fish Sasha like there is a weight holding me down, keeping me in this box, not even like a glass ceiling work-wise but more like a Female Adam Szymkowicz Dramatists 1 2 Comedy
box of my own creation holding me down, keeping me, you know, still and from excelling. I know you're holding back
too. You're bottling up your emotions. That's not healthy. We have to trust one another implicitly. Can I trust you?
Because I feel a, you know, wave of energy between us and I really um, want it to well if it has to but, um, I hope it
will, um wash through us like rays of light. Like invisible rays and sometimes they bounce but maybe they should, you
know, penetrate. I'm glad we had this talk. I feel like we got a lot of things out in the open. I feel much better, don't
you?
What can I do for you? I'm sorry but I already have a date tonight, but if you want to add your name to the chalkboard
of suitors on the wall, I may be able to fit you in sometime next month. I mean if you're serious. If you're not serious –
What you're thinking of, I think, is a coldness I have managed to cultivate toward the majority of men. Because I give
off the air of not caring about you because I speak to you and others brusquely, because I am short and dismissive
Food for Fish Alice with you, you think there must be something about me. I get many dates because of this. Perhaps you think I am like Female Adam Szymkowicz Dramatists 1 3 Comedy
this all the time, but I am not. It disappears when I go home. It is not anything true. Because when I go home I am
under a different spell. Not unlike the way you are under mine. Do you understand? All right, well, add your name to
the chalkboard and leave me a sample of your genetic material and we'll see what comes of it. I promise not to erase
your name prematurely. Now please go. I have to look at this some more.
Did you even read my masterpiece? If you had, you would not be sending me this form letter of rejection. Not unless
you are indeed a complete and worthless moron. I do not accept you as an arbiter of real talent. I have more talent
than all of you put together if it comes to that! You with your hackneyed conventions, have usurped the foremost
places in art and consider nothing genuine and legitimate except what you yourselves do. Everything else you stifle
and suppress. I do not accept you. I do not. It was optimistic of me to think that you were not an undiscerning fool.
Food for Fish Bobbie Are you all conspiring against me, you with your form letters on separate letterheads that converge into one voice? Male Adam Szymkowicz Dramatists 1 4 Comedy
As punishment for this, your highest crime, know that you have pushed me to eschew publication altogether. Know
that you and the others and the world at large will miss out on the rest of my work which I shall never again let you
touch with your dirty and destructive hands. My work belongs to eternity now. To the universe of ephemera. But
never to you. May you find your just punishment knowing you have kept another genius from the hungry world who
aches to hear him.
Do you believe that we have multiple lives and that we meet the same people over and over in different incarnations?
Like your husband or boyfriend in this life could have been your sister in another life. Or your mother. And throughout
history we all keep trying to fix the same relationship problems and work through different cultural structures and
Food for Fish Arthur Male Adam Szymkowicz Dramatists 1 7 Comedy
biological makeups over and over. Could you imagine if that's true? Really makes you think about what it means to
be you or me – how similar we are despite our obvious current physical differences. I feel like you and I have a
connection. Like we've met before.
I want to stop. I really do. I'm trying. I really am. But I don't think you understand. A fire is the most beautiful thing ever
created. I dare you to show me a work of art that can rival a five alarm fire. You couldn't do it. You just couldn't. And I
like art as much as the next person but I wonder always when I see a Van Gogh or a Rembrandt – I imagine, as I'm
sure you do, what it would look like on fire. That second before the painting caves in, that would be ... it would be ...
incomparable. But sadly, I don't think any of us will live to see it. We could burn prints, I suppose, cheap gift store
Broadway Play
Incendiary Elise prints, but it would just be paper. No melting paint, no disintegrating wood. It’s a waste. There is nothing in this world Female Adam Szymkowicz Comedy
Publishing Inc.
like fire. At first it’s just a match, an idea, a spark, a little yellow flame, and it need nurturing to grow to an inferno.
Those oranges, those yellows, those cores of blue don't just happen by themselves. They take planning. They take
skill. They take love. I am not some Zippo-flicking fourteen year old — no. I am an artist. I can light a fire so precise
all that’s left of the building is dust while the rest of the block is miraculously untouched. And of course, me and the
boys are always around to come and put it out in case anything should happen.
I feel like such an idiot. You come over looking for a friend and I'm... I guess I thought... I've always had this problem.
It's not just you. Sometimes you see the signals you want to see instead of the signals that are actually there. I used
to ask. I used to say, "can I kiss you now," but it's so unromantic. So unspontaneous. I just thought... But yeah. Sorry
about that. I guess I needed you to want that whether or not you did. I guess I just really need something right now.
Concord
Mercy Ian This whole thing has been really messed up. Not just being sober, but... I was a whole different person. I never Male Adam Szymkowicz Drama
Theatricals, Inc.
thought I'd be the kind of person who -- It's been really hard to get through the day. I stopped drinking because I had
to. I couldn't keep going that way but now I'm trying to figure out how to keep living, you know? I'm running out of
reasons to stay alive. Not that – I'm sorry. This isn't your problem. You don't want to hear this. Right? Are you still
there?
I could call myself Sunny O'Houlihan and everybody around here would still know what I am. The summer between
sixth and seventh grade my best friend was Vennie Alice Sizemore. And one day she took me swimming at the
Venetian Club pool. Her parents were members. So we were with a whole bunch of kids from our class and the boys
were splashing us and we were all shrieking - you know - and pretending we hated it, when a man in a shirt and tie
The Last Night of came over and squatted down by the side of the pool and he said, "Which one is Sunny Freitag?" and I said I was,
Sunny Female Alfred Uhry Dramatists Drama
Ballyhoo and he said I had to get out of the water. And Vennie Alice asked him why and he said Jews weren't allowed to swim
in the Venetian pool. And all the kids got very quiet and none of them would look at me. I got out of the pool and
phoned Daddy at his office. When he came to get me all the color was drained out of his lips. I remember that.
Vennie Alice's mother called up Mama and apologized. We stayed friends - sort of. Neither of us ever mentioned it
again, but it was always there. So believe me, I know I can't hide being Jewish.
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
That's not what happened, OK? Margo... she calls me over the holidays. She's worried. He's been acting, weird. I tell
her: Eddie's a weird guy. Pre-wedding jitters, that's all. Then she tells me... This doctor had put him on these meds.
'Cause he was having trouble sleeping, focusing and stuff. But y'know how doctors are. You tell them you're a little
down in the dumps, next thing y'know they start calling you "depressed" and putting you on twenty kinds of pills.
Yeah, Ed can be a little all over the place, but what else is new? That's what makes him good at his job, it's what
A Guide for the makes him a great friend: that intensity. We'd always talked about taking a proper trip. I mean, him and me, we
Teddy Male African American Ken Urban Dramatists 1 Drama
Homesick traveled well together. I tell Margo, right after New Year's, I'm taking him to Amsterdam. Get his mind off things. He
isn't depressed. He just needs some R&R. She makes me promise: "Don't tell him I told you about seeing a doctor or
the pills or any of that OK? Promise." I promise, Margo, I promise... When we first get here, we're having a great time.
Me and him. He's his usual self. But then. He just went, I don't know, he just gets mad... And he leaves, yeah, he just
throws his stuff in his bags and takes off. Been calling, but he doesn't answer. He left four days ago, and, and, Margo
keeps calling me, never leaves a message. He came home, she'd leave a message. I just know in my gut–
Like I said, Ed and I are just– What kind of question is that? I told you. He's like my younger brother from another
mother. When he got hired, this was probably, I don't know, two, maybe three years ago, I remember how much he
sure stood out. I mean, you can imagine. It's a certain kind of world, y'know? And Ed, he does his job better than
anyone else, and that can get you into trouble when you're the new guy. He needed someone to take him under their
A Guide for the wing. Protect him from the bull. We got real close. This one time, this one time, we'd been working these insane
Teddy Male African American Ken Urban Dramatists 2 Drama
Homesick hours finishing up some tax case or something, and he just turns to me and says: "We're going to Atlantic City."
"Eddie," – He hates when people call him that 'cause it reminds him of growin up in Jersey, but me, he'd let me call
him that – "Eddie, whatta you talkin 'bout?" We gotta be back here in the morning." "Plenty of time," he says. So we
went. Him and me. Everywhere. Summer weekends at the shore. If my parents were in town, he'd join us for dinners
with the whole clan. Then, y'know, he met Margo and... He shoulda told me. I tell him everything...
Are you kidding me? It's yours as well. The economy of this country was built on slavery. If your people were here
then or not, they certainly reaped the benefits of slavery by the time they got here. The first few years after the Civil
War ended, over one million former slaves died from disease and starvation. There were no doctors for them, no one
down there would treat them. They were malnourished and left to die since they were no use to anyone anymore. To
make more of an injustice, they were mistreated and some were murdered by the very same Union soldiers who Dramatic
Zagłada Hooper Female African American Richard Vetere 3 Drama
fought to free them. Slavery was also a crime against humanity if you ask me. And there is no statutory limit on that. Publishing
You know where I got my name? The man who owned my grandfather's father was named Jeremiah Hooper. A few
years ago, me and my father went down to the farm where my grandfather's father was a slave. It's in Macon, North
Carolina. It's now nothing but a hump of dirt and grass. I bought it last year. Just because I could. And that is our
history. Our histories are not mutually exclusive.
Ida Geppert died in Tampa in 2009. I spoke to her granddaughter here in New York just last night. You're going to
fabricate evidence. You're fabricating evidence to punish someone like those in power who fabricate evidence to put
African American men in prison and why? Because you can. You have the authority to do so, and it suits your
agenda. I don't feel noble. And I have every right to write about this, not just for me, but for every one of my own
Dramatic
Zagłada Hooper people who survived, if you want, our holocaust. To live in this world, this racist world, I have had to separate myself Female African American Richard Vetere 9 Drama
Publishing
from the anger I had for the injustice done to my people - because I'm black. I have separated myself not from the
racism that I see every day, but from the source itself. Maybe I can do this because I saw that Elliott could not. I never
though that until now. Looking back, I see that he could not as you, now, cannot. And I don't want to wind up like
him... Or like you.
I will have you arrested for impeding a federal investigation. You don't know if it's a lie and neither do I. She told
Kramer she was there but blacked it out. Who knows what she saw. Well, for me, she saw exactly what I thought she
saw. Now get out! Enjoy your self-righteousness, but remember one thing. You're lucky you're still here. Kolowski
shot at you to kill you. If he had better eyesight or a newer gun, you'd be dead. The only thing the man knows how to
do is protect himself. Killing is not alien to him. Remember that before you're so quick to forgive him. Look, I want this
White American Dramatic
Zagłada Sokolow to end as much as that man in there does. That is something you don't understand. How could you? You stand above Female Richard Vetere 9 Drama
(Jewish) Publishing
it? You write about it, and you have spent so much time with it you even made yourself believe you do understand it.
But know this, I will not be released, and I mean released, from this burden until he is dead or punished. His
existence has defined my life. And that horror you write about, that makes you feel noble because you write about it,
has defined my life. I have no husband, no children, and the only family I have left is my father because of it. Get out.
And take your forgiving angels with you.
It felt so amazing in the fog. A hundred miles an hour. I could've had an accident before I had a chance to off myself. I
was sort of scared but the scared went into just perfect peace. Perfect control. And I thought, ok, do it. Just like that.
All I need is a set of headlights. I went around this curve. Nothing. Still deserted. Then I started to feel kind of weird.
Self-conscious. I mean, who was watching? Who was I doing this for? Who am I doing everything I'm doing for? I
mean, are they watching? Who is this crowd that doesn't want me around? I mean this is pathetic, I'm going through
Concord
Fishing Robbie this incredible performance and no-one's watching. I was pissed off. And then I thought, wait a minute. I'm talking to Male Michael Weller Comedy
Theatricals, Inc.
myself. I'm out in the fog on a motorcycle traveling one hundred miles an hour with the intention of committing suicide
and I'm talking to myself. And then suddenly it all stopped; the voices, the intention, the trip, the day, everything, and I
saw something amazing inside of me which was so clear you could almost touch it with your finger... life: stay alive. I
wanted like crazy to stay alive. Which means that, in balance, there must be something in it. Under all that bull one
simple thing. Keep on. Stay alive. Pardon my being sincere for a moment, but I'm really glad I saw that.
They didn't give us no warning. Nothing. Mr. Rentz, over in Camden, was the man doing the furnishing for us. But
then Mr. Rentz dies and his widow decides she want it all back. I come running down the road. Mama, they coming.
They got wagons. They taking everything. Mama stand there on the porch, big ol’ butcher knife in her hand. She send
the little ones in the house. She say Nella, take this knife Want you to go out to the barn and kill them two hogs. The
babies too. Take the knife and slit they throats. They ain't taking my pigs. I love them baby pigs. You big now. Go on.
All the way down the road, people standing on their porches and watching as the men ride through. wasn't long
Elyzabeth Concord
Gee's Bend Nella before a man come with his wagon. don't even speak. Just starts taking. Took mama’s milk cow that was out in the Female African American Wilder Drama
Gregory Theatricals, Inc
yard, shovels and buckets. He just about to leave when he hear them pigs back in the barn. They screaming
something terrible. He looks to mama, standing their stone faced, and he smiles. He take off toward the barn. But
then the screaming stops, And here. I come, covered in them pigs’ blood. He got one look at me and he take on off
outa there. ‘Bout that time daddy come running in from the field. But it was too late. He chase after that man until he
fell down in the dirt. The only time I ever seen my daddy cry. That man was broke down. Mama roast them pigs, but I
couldn't eat. can't hardly stand the smell of pork. I do what mama say. But it ain't right.
I come to ask you to forgive me Lord. We buried Macon yesterday. I cried, Lord. People say they never seen me cry
like that before. But I couldn't tell them that I wasn't crying because I was sad. I cry because I feel like you lifted a
weight from me. Macon gave me this key when he ask me to be his wife. The key to our house. He was so proud,
Lord. Say he gonna protect me. Promise that we live in an open house. The man that raise his hand at me, who put a
lock on my door, that ain't the man I married. Now I come and go as I please. I live in an open house. A loving house. Elyzabeth Concord
Gee's Bend Sadie Female African American Wilder Drama
They cut off that ferry, make it real heard on some folks. But it ain't been so bad. People leave us alone. Gee’s Bend Gregory Theatricals, Inc
a peaceful place. We start the Freedom Quilting Bee. Gonna be sewing for Bloomingdale’s Department Store up in
New York. Lord, you give us our quilts and the quilts give us our freedom. And we just have to try and ask you to help
us, Lord. We be making our own money now. don't need to be answering to the mens. For the first time. My life feel
like it my own again, Lord. Like I live for me.
Macon? Macon, where you at? Open the door. My eyes. I can't hardly see. They put gas in our eyes. It burns real
bad like. I need you to help me. It was real bad there. Bad like you never seen. They beat us, Macon. They was
waiting for us and when we come up over that bridge they took after us. I put my eyes straight in front of me. Walk
strong, I be thinking. Walk strong. I so busy looking ahead I don't see what come up from behind. Sky goes black and
Elyzabeth Concord
Gee's Bend Sadie me, I'm on the ground. Taste the blood. But I know the hurt mean I'm still alive. They beat on us, then left us for dead. Female African American Wilder Drama
Gregory Theatricals, Inc
Folks in they stores all up along the way, they just stand there and watch. We cry out but don't nobody do nothing to
help. Please, Macon. I know you say don't go. But I had to. That man, he be beating on me and I say, Sadie, you
stand up. I ask the Lord to give me strength. That man might beat me down, but the Lord he raise me up. I'm hurt,
Macon. Please. Open the door.
This one time, before the kids were born, Big Jim was working construction before goin' to work for the company. And
we were rentin' a little furnished house. I worked all day gettin' the house all cleaned up. Baked cookies. Did the
wash. It was one of those days. I use to do a lot more of that stuff than I do now. Anyway, I was beat. So, I sit down
on the couch and propped my feet up on the coffee table and started readin' my magazines. Well, Big Jim comes
home mad as hell at this young, cocky foreman he's workin' for. So he takes it out on me. He had stopped and had a
few beers and picked up a six-pack on his way home. And he walks in and wants to know why I've got my feet
propped up on the good coffee table. I told him not to worry about it. It was rented. And he said, "Don't talk back.
Between Daylight Take your feet down off the table." I said no. And he said you better. And I said you take them down for me. And he Concord
Marlene Female Matt Williams Comedy
and Boonville said "Like hell!" And he yanked the table out from under my feet, went to the door and threw the coffee table right into Theatricals, Inc.
the middle of the front yard. I didn't say a word. I got up, grabbed his six-pack and walked over and threw it right out
in the front yard. Big Jim didn't say nothin'. He walked over, unplugged the floor lamp and tossed it out. So I grabbed
the two wedding pictures off the wall and threw them out. He threw out the chair and I threw out all the toss pillows off
the couch. We just kept throwin'. Never said a word. More we threw out, the madder we got. Finally, we got to the
couch and it took both of us to throw it out. By the time we emptied the living room, we were both so tired we just
stood there on the front porch tryin' to catch our breath. Then we looked at one another and I laughed. And he
laughed.
Can I tell you something? Was thinking in town, you know: I'm brave about everything but you. Yeah. I had a whole
ship run over me once when I was working in a buoy cage in the Marshall Islands, and I wasn't half as scared then,
bouncing and clanking around underneath that ship as I am whenever I get around you. And, believe me, I know
exactly what you mean about me being gone all the time, I know it's not a good way to be married. My Dad was a
Coastie and he was never around, and when my Mom died, I had to keep her casket in the house for two weeks
waiting for him to get clearance to come home and see her. So I know it's not ideal. But, I gotta be honest with you.
When I die, when my mind flips back through the pages, trying to find what really mattered? If I had to pick which
moments to look at right before I slipped away, I know that every one of those moments would be on a ship in the
Dramatic
Molly's Delicious Jerry middle of the ocean, because that's the only place my soul is really satisfied. I mean, I can talk a good game back Male Craig Wright Drama
Publishing
here in polite society, and I do like a pretty girl – well, one pretty girl in particular – but at heart? – I'm a sailor. And like
my Daddy used to say to me, "Sailors belong on ships, and ships belong at sea." And it's true. I love you SO much...
but I don't know what I'd become if I left the service – probably some sort of monster. And that wouldn't be god for
you or Junior. I won't get killed, I promise. Look, you want this war to end? Let me go. Send me back. Let me do my
job and I guarantee you in six months time there won't be one American soldier left over there. And I'll come home in
three years to you and Junior and we'll be stationed in San Francisco or who knows where – it's just three years
away. Every kind of happiness you ever dreamed of us having is just three years away. Can't you hold on 'til then?
Please? I love you so much. Please?
I came in the players' entrance. Manford, my cousin, he taught me how to do that. How do you think you're going to
take a minor to a foreign country without approval? He's seventeen. He doesn't go unless I say so. His mom died
three weeks ago. And he doesn't have a dad. So, to reiterate: he doesn't go unless I say so. He deserves to be safe.
Manford doesn't know when to lay off, on and off the court. And that's what gets him in trouble. Manford went to
Francisco Middle School, there were two ways you could walk home. The long way, through Chinatown. Or you could
go on Columbus. ... You didn't grow up here, did you? Columbus Avenue, it's the border of Chinatown, the Italian Concord
The Great Leap Connie Female Chinese-American Lauren Yee Drama
kids, it's their turf. You walk on Columbus? You're asking for it. It's just a fact. And every day, Manford would walk Theatricals, Inc.
home on Columbus. So every day, he'd get jumped. Or close to it. "Go the other way," that's what I told him. "Can't."
"Why not?" "That's my walk. I stop walking that way, I never get that space back." He doesn't know when to stop. So
he needs someone who's going to do it for him. And if that's not you, I need to know. I think you will do whatever it
takes to win this game. He is not a weapon. He is not an object. He is my cousin. So convince me that you care
about him and those other characters for more than just the forty-something minutes they're on that court.
No, you are not. With everything that's going on over there? They've gotta cancel it. Do you ever know what I'm
referring to when I say "everything that's going on over there"? There are protests going on over there right now.
Massive, countrywide protests. My friends from Beijing are faxing me: they say the students won't end their hunger
strike until Deng Xiaoping talks to them. The students are trying to overthrow their government and end Communism.
Concord
The Great Leap Connie Look at the papers: Beijing has been under martial law for weeks. The streets are filled with tanks and troops and Female Chinese-American Lauren Yee Drama
Theatricals, Inc.
who knows what else! What do you think will happen when you, a guest of the Communist Party, if WHEN you find
yourself in the middle of a revolution? I know you think China, you think "wow" and "cool" and "one billion other me's"
but it's not. I went. And the Forbidden City, Great Wall? Not that great. Kind of broken, mostly stairs. You go to China,
all you're going to see is what forty years in the dark does to a country. I didn't see myself there. And you won't either.
No. I have to. Talk to them for me, Con. Get me out of it. Say something. You're smart, you're old. You're getting a
master's degree in why Chinese people are sad. You sign things, write notes, translate for your parents all the time.
Concord
The Great Leap Manford SO: translate this into some way I graduate on time. They'll make an exception if you ask. Help me, Connie Fong, Male Chinese-American Lauren Yee Drama
Theatricals, Inc.
you are my only hope. ... You know what I'm talking about. Help me out and I will make some money, I will clear out
of the living room. You will never have to see me again! That's what you want, isn't it?
They are seven feet tall. Beijing University: they are seven feet tall. My cousin did her junior year abroad. At Beijing
University. She went to their games. You go, you're not facing short kids like me, it's going to be Ghengis Khan and
worse. What if I'm right? And you go halfway around the world to get your ass kicked on national television by some
Chinese kids you said would never be good enough? There is no such thing as a friendship game. You're going so
you can impress your department before they can your ass next season. You finished 8-20, your last tournament Concord
The Great Leap Manford Male Chinese-American Lauren Yee Drama
appearance was in '82. You don't win this, and they're definitely not renewing your contract and it goes to that Theatricals, Inc.
assistant coach at Duke they've been bringing in for visits. Or am I incorrect? You went to China as their guest.
You're going back as their enemy. So you need a point guard who's gonna run circles around them, force the
mismatches. Someone with a good inside game. Like me. Run and gun: they dunk for two, we score for three. Simple
math. There's more to basketball than height. You know it.
You think I won't take care of him? He's a hell of a point guard. He lights up my team, gets them off their asses for the
first time in how long? That kid does not quit. Why would I not protect a weapon like that? I care about my guys. It is
Concord
The Great Leap Saul the one thing I am actually good at. I have watched them grow up, graduate. I have spent more time with my players Male White (Jewish) Lauren Yee Drama
Theatricals, Inc.
than I ever will with my own daughter. I don't take care of my guys, and who else do I have? I'll bring him back to you
in one piece.
Ellen, there are these borders or barriers between people, that doesn't do them justice, like these grand meridians
that are so much larger than you could, than anyone could ever imagine. Not larger, wider. Between people and we
can't even see them and we don't even try mostly. But sometimes, sometimes you pull yourself together and walk up
to the edge, you lean out and you look across expecting to see what you always see: the outside of everyone else,
which is just the most depressing thing. Not just depressing, that's not bad enough; it's also distant, never close, not
really. Even when you're close, physically I mean, right up against each other, what passes for close. Which isn't very
close. I'm going. (He begins to exit, then stops.) But sometimes Ellen, sometimes if you're lucky, and I'm lucky right
now, you see someone standing on the other side looking back. Or you think they're looking back. See enough to
Concord
Disassembly Jerome believe they're looking back. And that's enough. (He begins to exit, then stops.) And Ellen, the idea that you're that Male Steve Yockey Dark Comedy
Theatricals, Inc
person looking back, even if you're not that person, but the fact that you might be is amazing. And, whatever, I know
I'm a jerk. And I know I'm not what a lot of people would consider considerate, or even nice, or even maybe tolerable,
but I heard you crying on the phone and I came here immediately, automatically, because something in my chest
shot into my throat when I heard your voice and pulled me out the door to make sure you were okay. Ellen, I love you
and even though I hate Diane and I'm jealous of Evan and annoyed by Evan, sorry Evan, I would never hold that
against you. It's painfully perplexing to me, all of this and how you are, but I would never hold that against you. Ever.
Because I love you more than I hate anything else. And I can see across that divide, see you looking back, or at least
looking this way and I so want to love you that it's enough. You should know that. And I'm gonna go now.
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
When I said that I've known Tessa since kindergarten that was no exaggeration. I loved her the moment I saw her. I
loved her all of the time in between childhood and when I met her again. No one can love her the way I can. But
when I found her again, she was engaged, her first engagement. That couldn't be right though, could it? We belong
together. So I went to talk to the guy, Peter, a real piece of work. I thought I would try to reason with him, man to
man. And when you hit someone with a chair, even if it's a few times, you expect him to be hurt but not dead. But he
died. And because I loved her so much, each one after him was progressively easier, maybe some were messier, but
Concord
Disassembly Stanley all of them were easier. Jerry. Charlie. Max. Hear this clearly, let it fill in every little bit of your ears: once you know Male Steve Yockey Dark Comedy
Theatricals, Inc
you can do something, once you know how much you'll risk for love, well... everything gets easier. Because it's what
you have to do. And I think, I really do think that I probably saved Tessa from a life of unhappiness and lesser love. I
know I did. Like I said, there are people capable of experiencing the full, complex, amazing freedom true love offers.
And I think we're both those kinds of people. You and me. And I won't give up. Not even if it seems futile, I'll keep
going. In hope, in desperation, in whichever way there is to keep going. Doesn't matter. And I can tell that you won't
give up, no matter what you have to do. For Evan.
Maybe, and I'm saying maybe, maybe there was a time when something could have happened, Stanley. I can give
you that much. But not anymore. Listen to me very clearly: I can't love anyone again and even if I could, I wouldn't let
myself love you because look at what happens to all of the men I love. Seriously, look at what happens, do you want
to end up in a pine box? It will, I know it will. Or at the very least it might. And because there’s no way to know I will
Concord
Disassembly Tessa not even entertain the idea. I won't ever let you in my heart that way, not even a crack, not even a sliver, not after Female Steve Yockey Dark Comedy
Theatricals, Inc
losing four men, four loves, four potential forevers. And you need to hear that, I suppose. You really need to
understand that. And the worst, the absolute worst thing is that I know you feel that way. I've known for a long time
and I've been selfish not telling you all of this flat out honey. For that I am sorry. But I don't know what I'd do without
you and the idea of hurting you is, well, it's just too much. You mean too much, Stanley.
I work in the school office. I have a very important job. They trust me with sensitive personal information. That's how I
know your real name. Susan Julia Caraway. Which is a lovely name, but not as spendid as Stargirl. But there is a
little hitch. I'm talking about the signup sheet. You signed up as Stargirl. For the speech competition. There's a name
Dramatic
Stargirl Hillary thing? Ms. Bishop requires you to use your real name when you perform. The name on your records. You wouldn't Female Y York 1 5 Drama From the novel by Jerry Spinelli
Publishing
want to divulge your true name, you want to remain Stargirl to the world, because that's such a great name. But
Stargirl can't be in the competition. It's give up the name or give up the competition. Personally, I'd give up the
competition. But whatever you decide, I support you.
Oh, I get it. You mean because it's a bedroom you think of making out. You're thinking it, too, "Girl's bedroom, rare
visit, oo la la." I'm not talking about what you weren't talking about, I'm talking about what you're thinking about but
not saying. We're going to have a date. I bought the ticket– You said you'd drive. It's going to look like a date if you Dramatic
Stargirl Stargirl Female Y York 1 5 Drama From the novel by Jerry Spinelli
drive– somebody looking on might get confused and think it's a date whereas... you're thinking it's an appointment or Publishing
a trip to the dentist– this could turn out to be downright medicinal, this Sadie Hawkin's Day dance that isn't a date–
Did you come to break our non-date?
Hillary doesn't have friends. She has people. And Wayne, but he's not a friend, he's a boyfriend. He's the only person
she ever talks to. Unless she wants something. Then she comes up all nice and sweet and loves my hair and what
Dramatic
Stargirl Leo have I done to it, which is nothing. Then she asks me to put Wayne on the Hot Seat. I turned her down. She worked Male Y York 2 4 Drama From the novel by Jerry Spinelli
Publishing
her charms on Kevin– he booked Wayne without asking me. If Hillary's being nice to you, watch out. That's all I'm
saying.
I didn't. I don't. I don't care. I was glad their first-string quarterback was out of the game so we'd have a chance to
win. I didn't feel bad. Nobody on our side felt bad. Because we wanted to win! You didn't have to run down to the
field. You didn't have to play the hero. You didn't have to make a spectacle out of yourself. What were you tinking? Dramatic
Stargirl Leo Male Y York 2 7 Drama From the novel by Jerry Spinelli
With everybody watching, "Look at me, I'm Stargirl and I'm a saint–" Well, I'm not a saint, and nobody else at Mica is Publishing
a saint, we're just normal people trying to live normal llves. If you're a normal person, then why don't you try acting
like one?
So I keep hiking up toward Castle Rock. And it’s perfectly clear, the day, you know. You can look out and see the
smog layer hovering all over San Bernardino, but where I am, where we are, is fresh and dry and thin. And I do the
thing, you know? What I set out to do. I take out Mom’s ashes. I recite a line from Shakespeare, and I said…
goodbye Mom… and tossed her ashes up into the air. And by air, of course, I mean wind, and by wind I mean the
wind blowing in the direction I'm standing, and I'm sorry but I never paid much attention to those old sailor movies that
I Think You Think say to never spit into the wind because sure enough Mom blows right back at me. And by back at me, of course, I
Branwyn Female Kelly Younger Playscripts Comedy
I Love You mean into my face and by face I mean my nose and mouth. So of course my face is all wet and weepy so Mom sticks
to my face and I freak out and inhale with horror and down she goes. Not all of it, or her, but enough you know? Just
a bit to be absolutely horrified that I just inhaled some of my mother, which I'm sure could be turned into some
beautiful metaphor about my mother living inside me, but all I can think is my mother tastes like charcoal. So I start
pouring water out of my canteen into my mouth and nose and I'm stumbling all over the top of Castle Rock thinking
I'm either going straight to hell for cannibalizing my mother or I'm going straight off the side of this rock.
Can you fly? Can you really, really fly? No! Don't go! I am going to tell you something I've never told anyone! When I
was a baby, before I could walk, before I could even talk ... I could fly! Not like a dream or anything, really, truly fly! I'd
take a deep breath and lift up my whole self, I'd just rise up, rise and fly. See here on my back where my bones poke
out? That's where my wings used to be. But the older I get, the more I forget. I'm forgetting EVERYTHING! But I keep
When She Had Dramatic
B believing and believing that I actually can fly. And I tried everything in my life to remember how to fly. I keep trying to Female Suzan Zeder 3 Drama
Wings Publishing
remember what it feels like, how the air whooshes up and I feel so free, and it feels really good ... Till I fall. Every year
I get bigger and bigger and heavier and heavier. And everything in my whole life weighs me down. If I don't fly again
by the time I'm 10, it will ALL be gone! I know! It's terrible! And I've only got two days to go! So, can you help me?
Can you help me remember how to fly?
If there is one thing I do know about, it's YOU! A.E. Amelia Earhart! JULY 24, 1897! Ring any bells? That's the day
you were born! Well of course you don't remember! Who remembers getting born? Pay attention! How do you expect
to remember anything unless you pay attention? You saw your first plane when you were 9. It was just a bucket of
bolts. Do you remember? Toronto World's Fair! 1917! A stunt pilot buzzes the crowd! He loops and rolls and pains
and dives and the crowd runs and runs, running away like chickens! Everyone but you! You stood up and waved and
waved and he wiggled his wings back at you! You knew, you knew down deep in your bones that you would fly! That
you belonged in the air! 1921, bought your first plane, little yellow Canary... crashed on first flight. 1922, fly, fly, fly ...
crash! 1923, fly, crash, fly, crash, fly, crash... you crashed a lot, especially on the long, long flights because the
weight of the fuel tanks made your plane SO heavy! But you always got back up and flew again, didn't you? 1928!
When She Had Dramatic
B First woman to fly across the Atlantic... except you didn't fly. They made you sit in the back, didn't they? You were just Female Suzan Zeder 6 Drama
Wings Publishing
a passenger. They called you "Lady Lindy," just like Charles Lindbergh! But the men did all the flying. They didn't let
you fly the plane, not once. You said that you felt like you were a sack of potatoes. But you were a hero, everyone
said so! I've never even been up in a plane. I've spent my whole life stuck on the ground here in NEBRASKA! There
is so much I have wanted to ask you! There is so much I want to know! When people told you that you couldn't do
something, that it was too hard, too dangerous, were you ever afraid they were right? Yes or no? But you did it
anyway! When you crashed, or a wing fell off your plane, you just got back in the air and flew again! Were you ever
scared? Up there in the plane, all alone, were you ever lonely? Never? What about the second time you flew the
Atlantic? The time you did it SOLO? Fourteen hours and 56 minutes, all by yourself, up in the air with all that ocean!
May 20th, 1932. Harbor Grace, Newfoundland.
Do you think I'm going to be a star? The judges were cruel. They were very... There is a lot of boiling resentment in
that room, you know? Like, they see talent, and right– So okay I had to sign a thing where I couldn't discuss the
results until they air the show, but... so there's three of them, right? This horribly cruel British guy who's like – he's like
a robot, you know? He's like an evil robot? And then there's another guy and Paula Abdul. Well, she's not all that nice
anymore. Anyway, so I do my thing – and I nail it, right? Just– like... I haven't even sung like that in the shower, you
15 Minutes of know? It's like spectacular. I don't even think there's a word describing how awesome I was. Anyway, so I nail it.
Sam Male Don Zolidis Playscripts Comedy From Mutually Assured Destruction: 10 Short Plays About Brothers and Sisters
Clown Fame Perfection. The guy says it's "pitchy." I'm like, what? Pitchy? I don't even know what the heck pitchy means. Like it's
got pitch in it? Of course it's got pitch in it it's a SONG! DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT A SONG IS‽ Not even the worst of
it. British Evil Robot – he's like a Bond villain – he goes, "I'm not even sure I'd call that singing. That was more like
bleating." I don't even know what bleating is. First of all, you don't go out and tell someone they're bleating – that's
wrong, that's morally wrong, that's like a major sin in all the major religions – and second of all, who made you king of
the world? Right? Like who are you to be sitting up there?
I'm going to talk slowly now. So your tiny brain can understand me. I will burn do your life if you go back on this now.
You think I can't do it? You think I can't tell Mom and Dad about the party you had when they were in the Bahamas?
You think I can't explain to them how all the chairs got broken in the basement? You think I can't tell them about the
A New Hopeless Carol party you had last summer when Dad was at work? Or how about the party you had two weeks ago when they were Female Don Zolidis Playscripts Comedy 1977 from the collection Mutually Assured Destruction
sleeping upstairs? Or the party you had when Dad was visiting Grandma in the hospital? You don't think I took
pictures of you and your friends at each and every one of those parties? How would you like it if I released them one
at a time, over a series of weeks, to prolong your punishment as much as possible? Are you ready to go?
Do you remember when you were six and little Joey from next door kicked you in the back of the head and you lost a
tooth? Boys will do that to you your entire life. But instead of chipping your tooth, they're going to chip your heart. I
remember when I was young, I was in love with this boy who lived down the block. I thought he was keen. That was
slang we used back then. Everything was keen. Well he was keen. His name was Armando. He was from Guatemala.
Oh... Armando. What a ripe specimen of young manhood he was. He used to mow the lawn with his shirt off, his
tanned, sinewy body glistening in the summer sun. His taught, rippling abs–– Sorry. My fondest memories of
Armando were hiding in the bushes outside his window at night while he slept. He was so peaceful. Like a muscular
Guatemalan angel. I used to take pictures of him when he wasn't looking and then I'd cut out his little head and glue it
onto the covers of Men's Health magazine. But he was afraid of my love. He didn't understand me. But no restraining
Anna and August Anna's Mother Female Don Zolidis Playscripts Comedy
order was going to keep us apart, so one night he left the door of his car unlocked, he drove a Volvo Station Wagon,
and I snuck in and... sometimes life isn't fair, honey. Sometimes even when you go through the effort of faking an
appendicitis in the back of someone's car in the vain hope that they'll fall in love with you on the way to the hospital, it
doesn't work out. Anyway, we weren't meant to be. So, in the immortal words of Stephen Stills: "If you can't be with
the one you love, honey, love the one you're with. Do do do do do." So I settled for your father and that's how you
came into the world. And Armando lives at 1441 Walker Street and drives a silver Toyota Camry with ninety-four
thousand miles on it, but it's not like I'm still stalking him or anything. But darling, if you get your heartbroken tonight,
remember: you can always settle for another guy who isn't quite as good. And that's how you go through life and end
up not going crazy. I'm glad we had this talk.
Ah it was stupid. They want you in a dress, right? Unless they need you to work. Then you can work like a man, but
you can't get paid like a man. You can't get respected like a man. And once the job is done... back into the dress,
right? And if you don't like it... we got ways. Stupid to think that it's going to be any other way. You fit in the box or
Badger Irene Jacobs they cut your arms off. You know that Cinderella story? The stepsisters, they don't fit in the shoe, they can't fit in the Female Don Zolidis Playscripts Drama
perfect shoe, and they want so bad to be the princess in the story the first one cuts off her toes. I think about that.
You don't fit. You'll do anything to fit in. Even if it means severing pieces of yourself. Just lop 'em right off and hope
nobody notices the blood.
They threw up these apartments in about a week, so I'm just glad the walls are still standing. I'm just glad there's a
roof. When I was growing up we didn't have a roof. We didn't have a lot. For two years we lived out of a car. There
were five of us. In the beginning. My father had a little store when I was real young, but then that went out of
business, so... We stayed with relatives for a bit but we wore out our welcome pretty quick - We had nothing. I
remember I stole a pair of shoes. We were staying near a lake and this girl and her family had gone swimming - and I
just... took her shoes. Ran out - snatched 'em off the ground, and ran off without looking back. Like I was some kind
of animal living in the woods. I get back to the car and I'm crying and I'm holding these shoes in my hands like I've
killed someone, you know? They didn't even fit. They were too big. My father was so angry - I made up this lie that I
Badger Irene Jacobs Female Don Zolidis Playscripts Drama
just found them in the forest but he knew - he had to have known... and... there were a moment when I was sure he
was just going to beat me and make me take them back - humiliate me - but he didn't. He just said okay. That's when
I knew... He'd given up. I was maybe nine years old. And he uh... he hung himself a few months later. After he was
gone, things got a little better. But I still think about those shoes. I still feel awful about stealing them. First thing I did
when I got my own checking account was buy myself a pair. You know there's something holy about havin your own
money - not having to ask, not having to beg, to be able to walk into a store with money in a pocket from a job you
worked at, and get what you need. For yourself. It's like every day I'm filled with brilliant white light and that light is
called dignity.
Where you goin? Your husband's home for two weeks before shipping out and instead of spending that time with him,
you go to work. You sure you're not going to a dance or nothing? Out on the town. Stepping out. 'Cause I heard
about a dance. I ran into Jimmy Schneider at the A and P. I guess there was a big dance the other day. That's funny,
isn't it? That's real funny. You wanna hear a joke? I'm gonna tell it anyway. So there's this dumb mug - a real moron,
know what I'm saying? And this moron volunteers for the army - they say, "who wants to shoot a gun? and he raises
his hand and says, "all right I'll do it I ain't good for much else anyways." So you know what happens? This moron's
Badger Matthew Male Don Zolidis Playscripts Drama
wife goes to a dance with another man. Right? Here's one guy going off to war, and as soon as he does that his girl
goes and finds another guy. That's funny, right? The punchline - get this - the punchline is that the new guy is a
cripple. He don't even have two working legs. That's real funny, ain't it? You're not laughing. I just told a joke, why
ain't you laughing? You didn't think it was funny? Should I tell it again? 'Cause people are laughing at me. I guess I'm
the joke, then, right? Jimmy told me what he saw! You were dancing, or you were trying to dance cause the guy can't
even walk! You think I'm stupid?! Huh?! I don't want you ever talking to that freak again, you got me? You got me?!
The explosion came from the cutting house. Where Eleanor was. But then I saw her - she was on break - which
meant her shift was being covered. And I knew. There wasn't a body. There were six thousand pounds of
nitroglycerine in there - when it exploded, it blew a hole twenty feet deep and eighty feet wide. Four men were inside.
Four men vanished in a heartbeat. They sent workers to try to recover.. their remains... out of the four men, they
Badger Rose found twenty-four pounds of flesh. I kept looking. When everyone wears the same clothes it was so easy to think I Female Don Zolidis Playscripts Drama
was seeing him. I kept hoping I'd see his face on every man that turned towards me. I thought I had so much time. So
many days ahead of us. Buys rides. Talks. I think I loved him. I never told him that because I didn't... want him to
think he had it made, you know? So he didn't know. That someone loved him. That it was possible... I should've told
him.
Of course they would. They love you. You think they're going to turn you away? Why would they do that?
Jess– Jess– they're worried sick. They can hardly sleep. They hired a private investigator– They did. And he was the
Coming Home Andrea worst private investigator in the world. He mostly sat outside our house 'cause he thought I had you in the attic. We Female Don Zolidis Playscripts Comedy From Mutually Assured Destruction: 10 Short Plays About Brothers and Sisters
don't even have an attic! That's how bad he was! He couldn't even figure that out! But Dad paid him anyway– Stay
here. Wait for them. Just talk to them. Is it really so great out there? Jess. Stay.
Andy– There's a whole world out there– right now your mind is like encapsulated in this little illusion of normalcy,
okay? That's not even reality, man. That's like – a dollhouse reality. Reality is like an onion, man. You start peeling
back layers of consciousness– layer after layer after layer – I don' thave time to explain my philosophy to you, but I
Coming Home Jessica Female Don Zolidis Playscripts Comedy From Mutually Assured Destruction: 10 Short Plays About Brothers and Sisters
have a reading list that you should look at, and I'm gonna leave it on the counter. You can't show it to Mom though.
She'll flip. It's not homework. It's consciousness expansion. It's your duty as a thinking human being. You really need
to read the books.
You're so awesome! I love watching you in math class. you're always like… doing math and stuff! It’s so cool! I mean,
like, when you start thinking, and then you start moving your pencil up and down while you're writing stuff! I wish I
could do that! I think about you all the time! I do! I really do. Like yesterday, I thought about you for ten hours in a row.
Not the whole time, only like eighty percent of the time - but it was still pretty great. Do you think you love me yet?
Crushed Brandi Female Don Zolidis Playscripts Comedy Freshmen
You don't have to answer, but if you had to put like a timeline on it, when approximately do you think you're going to
love me? I want to know so I can start celebrating it on my calendar! Do you like the color teal? Because I was
thinking of that for my bridesmaids’ dresses, and maybe we should have an ice sculpture and I love you and I will
love you forever and even if I die I will return from beyond the grave and I will never ever LEAVE YOU.
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
Empowered: How Um... hi... um... so, my name's Amaryllis and um... so we're selling these cookies. You might have heard of them.
one Girl Scout You ever see The Addams Family? When the Girl Scout comes by and the girl, I think her name is Friday, she says,
Nearly Destroyed Amaryllis "are they made with real Girl Scouts?" Which is really funny. But our cookies don't contain human flesh. So if that's a Female Don Zolidis Playscripts 1 1 Comedy
the World's rumor out there or whatever, you're totally cool eating the cookies and you're not a cannibal. Some of them don't
Economy taste good. I don't really like them, actually. Uh, so– you don't have to buy them. Okay. Okay.
You have a lovely home. I love the decor. Did you hire someone professionally or are you just naturally brilliant? And
a sense of humor, too. Can I tell you something? I've been looking for a role model for a few years now. I find most
Empowered: How adult women disappointing, but you, you ... gosh ... I think I could learn a lot from you. I know it seems like I have
one Girl Scout things pretty together, but really, I'm just a boat in a storm. Did you ever see the movie Life of Pi? I'm like that boat
Nearly Destroyed Cheyenne with the tiger on it. And the orphan boy. Well I guess I'm not the boat, I'm probably the orphan. Oh no, I have parents, Female Don Zolidis Playscripts 1 1 Comedy
the World's they're just not as inspiring as you are. I know you're busy being awesome and everything, but ... if it's not too much
Economy trouble, do you think you would like some Girl Scout cookies? I know it's laughably absurd that I'm selling them, but it
would mean a lot to me if you could purchase a few boxes. Two boxes? Thank you so much! Someday ... when I'm
older ... I want to be just like you.
Hello. Can I interest you in some Girl Scout cookies? Our newest brand, okie-dokies, was chosen from recipes
submitted to us on the internet. I think you'll agree that they are delicious. And, for the first time ever, low fat, which
Empowered: How
means that you won't encounter any unfortunate problems from them. One box. Thank you so much! That means so
one Girl Scout
much to me! It's so refreshing to find people with open hearts who will contribute to my education. Don't you think that
Nearly Destroyed Mackenzie Female Don Zolidis Playscripts 1 1 Comedy
means a lot in this modern world? I think so. Okay - one box. Are you sure you only want one box? We have a variety
the World's
of flavors. I happen to think Samoas are delicious as well. They're made by real Samoans. One box of them, too?
Economy
Thank you! Oh gosh, you are a wonderful person. Let's see, okay - two boxes. And... have you tried our peanut butter
cookies? Heaven on earth.
Who do I think I am? Who do I think I am? Did you just ask that question, little girl? Let me tell you who I think I am. I
think I'm the regional manager of the Girl Scouts. How'd you get here today? Did your mommy drop you off? Did you
ride your Schwinn? Or does someone here have a scooter? I got here in a Lamborghini Diablo. I drive one of those
around town. It goes 130 miles an hour as soon as I touch the gas pedal. I don't even have to press down hard.
Okay? That car is worth more money than your parents' house. And why do I drive that car? Because the Girl Scouts
compensates me very well. You think we're all about flowers and sunshine and badges? No. We are about selling
cookies. I don't want to hear about knitting, I don't want to hear about wildlife preservation projects, I don't want to see
you at the park picking up recycling, all I want to hear about from you girls is numbers. Numbers of boxes sold. You
Empowered: How
know what I did when I was your age? I was the champion seller three consecutive years. I got so many free trips to
one Girl Scout
Disney World Mickey and Minnie knew me by name. Did I not sell Girl Scout cookies just because I didn't happen to
Nearly Destroyed Vinny Male Don Zolidis Playscripts 1 1 Comedy
be a girl? No. You know what I did? I got up two hours early – I put on a wig and some control-top pantyhose and I
the World's
starched the heck out of that uniform and I killed it. All right? I killed it. And did that cause me some deep-seated
Economy
identity issues later on in life? You bet your sweet boppies it did. But I don't care. I would sacrifice everything,
everything, for the Girl Scouts. My health, my sanity, my friends, my wife, my second wife, everything. So you ask
yourselves: are you giving one hundred percent? If so – double it. And then double it again. Oh sure, there "laws of
physics" – but "laws of physics" said you couldn't make a unicorn, and yet, that is the first prize. I'll be back in two
weeks, girls. I expect to be amazed. And also disappointed in one of you. But also amazed. Remember, this is about
empowering girls. I want you so darn empowered that you will charge into the halls of power in this country, chop off
the heads of everyone inside, and institute your own girl-centered nation. Are you afraid of that? I'm not afraid. Let's
see where this goes.
Nothing happened to me? Nothing happened to me? Oh no – something happened to me all right. You see, I don't
blame Vinny, he's just a cog in the machine. He's doing his job. And he's right, I learned something. I learned that if
you don't take risks, there are no rewards. And it's far better to try something and see if it works than to sit back and
Empowered: How
watch. For example, when Attila the Hun was ravaging Eastern Europe, did he sit back and thing, "oh I can't do it
One Girl Scout
'cause I'm a Hun?" No – you know what he did? He got on his horse and he tried. And he murdered like a hundred
Nearly Destroyed Amaryllis Female Don Zolidis Playscripts 2 Comedy
thousand people. Because he believed in himself. Do we remember Jimmy the Hun, the guy who just sat back and
the World's
watched Attila massacre all those people? Nope. No idea who Jimmy the Hun is. Lost to history. Because he didn't
Economy
believe in himself. Well... I'm not going to get into Harvard and then take a job at an investment bank by sitting around
and playing with ponies. I've got a world to conquer. Good thing I still have some of those funds stashed overseas,
right? I think it's time to invest in some hedge funds. Gosh it's good to be alive.
I'm going to destroy all the Mackenzies. There's a Mackenzie in every Girl Scout troop in the country – a perfect little
popular girl whose mommy and daddy are helping her sell the cookies. They take her little forms to work with them,
Empowered: How
they do this, they do that, and she's so proud of herself when she gets her orders. Not me. I had to work for my
one Girl Scout
sales– Nobody lied about being terminally ill for me! I did it myself! I set up my own private financing through a shady
Nearly Destroyed Amaryllis Female Don Zolidis Playscripts Comedy
payday lender! I convinced the bank to let me sell credit default swaps! I franchised my techniques in sketchy
the World's
pyramid scheme to lonely girls all over the country! Me! I did that! I earned the highly-suspect millions of dollars I'm
Economy
about to pull in! And you know what I'm going to do with it?! I'm going to bring them all down! Every Girl Scout troop in
America! Goodbye popular girls! Hello my legion of followers! We shall rule!
You know what happened? You really wanna know what happened? I tried really hard for like a week and a half. And
then I challenged a guy on the playground to a game of one-on-one. Like, I stood there and I was like,
"You– Me– Now." And then I took a bottle of water and dumped it on his head. Actually I had to throw it on top of his
Empowered: How head because he was a lot taller than me. So then we started playing, and you know what happened? I lost like
one Girl Scout eighty-five to nothing. And then he picked me up and stuffed me in a trash bin. You know, one of those dumpsters?
Nearly Destroyed Potz And the funny thing was he put something heavy on top of it, so it was like impossible for me to get out. But you know Male Don Zolidis Playscripts Comedy
the World's what? I didn't give up. That was the important thing. Well, I mean, I gave up basketball afterwards, but I didn't give up
Economy during the actual game. I kept trying and I kept failing and getting pushed down and everything. I'm just saying I
learned something. Know your limits. And stay away from mean-looking guys at playgrounds. And make sure your
cell phone is charged if you get locked in a dumpster. I learned a lot of lessons that day– Also that dumping water on
strangers is a bad idea.
Hey. How are you guys? How are you? I just wanted to tell you that I think you guys are doing great with this troop.
Really outstanding. We're getting a lot of sales out of this troop and I think that's outstanding. So, we are very happy
with you. Now to make things a little more wonderful, in the spirit of healthy competition, we're going to add a little
sweetener to the pot. I'm not taking questions right now, sunshine, okay? So put your hand down. There you go.
Empowered: How
Alright then – what could be more fun than a sales competition? How about one where the first prize is... a unicorn.
one Girl Scout
Okay, alright, I will answer all your questions. Number 1 – is it a real unicorn? Well, it was used in an upcoming film,
Nearly Destroyed Vinny Male Don Zolidis Playscripts Comedy
Sparkles and Me, where a miniature horse was surgically enhanced with a straightened-out goat horn and then
the World's
drugged to make it all extra magical. So – technically, yes, it's real, and it's only partly an abomination. So, Sparkles
Economy
is very real and he's coming to live in your yard if you take top prize in our contest. Hold on. Second place – a juice
box. Third place is you keep your spot here. Fourth place you are replaced by a foreign exchange student. Am I
going too fast for you? We've got sales projections to meet, and we've determined that some of you girls could be
replaced by adorable kids from third-world nations.
'Ello there. I think it's about time for my evil villain monologue, don't you think? I'm pretty sure Shakespeare invented
the evil villain monologue. Now keep quiet or I'll be forced to kiss you. So, Cinderella, you realize my plan at last. Oh,
sorry. So, Ellie, you realize my– oh wait. Here we go. By now my plan is only dimly visible to you. Who is my enemy?
Why are they trying to kill me? These are the questions that will still be going through your head tomorrow as your
body hangs from the gallows. Now, you might just think that you're pure of heart and that will save you. Oh no, my
Game of Tiaras Charming dear. Pure of heart saves no one. You see, your two sisters believe that the crown exists for them, but they're going Male Don Zolidis Playscripts Comedy
to be in for such a shock when they realize it's their husband who will wield the power. And if they aren't willing to
share, well, I've got plans for that, too. After the wedding there will of course be many, many sad people. But that's
how the game is played, isn't it? Enjoy your time in the darkness. (He looks at his paper again.) And then I put some
space in here for improv-ing a few lines if I felt like it. But I'm just going to practice my smug evil laugh. Heh
heheheheheh. Your head's going to be very pretty on a spike.
All right, so. First of all, none of this is my fault. Okay? I don't know what you heard. I don't know who's talking, but it
was crazy. And like – I want to say that there are stupid people in this town; I don't know if they weren't raised right or
whatever, but, some people around here have no sense. Just saying it. Just putting that out there. It all used to be
cool around here. Before Facebook. Not that I was around before Facebook, but like, in olden times, Facebook was
Juliet and this Guy for little kids, right? and then like everyone's mom and dad got on it? Total mistake. 'Cause they ruined it. Totally
Juliet Female Don Zolidis
Romeo destroyed the scene. And like, everyone my age, is like um... that's cool, we're just gonna be on Snapchat and y'all
can leave Facebook, and we'll just be over here – and the old people are like, "What's Snapchat let's check that out,"
and we're like, dang it, no, we're not on Snapchat, we're on um... Loofa. It's a new thing. It's just for sharing emojis.
Like all you do – just smiley faces. So anyway, my mom used to be chill and now she's like this– Hey mom. I'm going
to bed. You should probably get some sleep, too.
You don't know her! I do! If you waste a minute of her time, you know what she's going to do? She's going to destroy
you! This is Susan DeVito you're talking about, okay? Shye's an angel-goddess from Heaven. She will kill you if you
mess up. "Hello" HELLO‽ What's that supposed to mean! You can't begin a conversation with a girl like this with
Lassoing an Angel Mary Female Don Zolidis Playscripts Comedy From Mutually Assured Destruction: 10 Short Plays About Brothers and Sisters
hello. Who do you think you are? You need an uncommon greeting if you're going to catch her attention. This entire
epside will lead to heartbreak and disaster. Here's some advice: set your sights lower. Find a girl who isn't as pretty.
Maybe one with an eyepatch or a lisp. Actually, if she's got both you might have a chance.
Wait a minute! First I didn't do anything and you said that was wrong, then I made a noise and you said that was
wrong, and now I said something uncommon that was wrong! That's ridiculous. I'm going to woo her, and I'm going to
Lassoing an Angel Richard Male Don Zolidis Playscripts Comedy From Mutually Assured Destruction: 10 Short Plays About Brothers and Sisters
write love notes, and I'm going to stand around and look mysterious and I will look cool and one day she's going to go
steady with me. With God as my witness, I wil go to the prom with Susan DeVito.
I've got an idea. While you wait you might like to purchase some real estate here in Munchkinville. I happen to be our
real estate agent as well as Mayor– We have this thing called a bank. And a bank just hands out free money to
everyone. (Bank handing out free money dependent on 18% interest, compounded weekly. Please read the fine
Munchkin print.) It's a party! I find that the best thing to do in a crisis is to stay right where you are and keep doing exactly what
Oz Male Don Zolidis Playscripts Comedy
Mayor you've been doing. Routine, routine, routine. I fear change. Hope that helps. If you don't want to stay here forever,
you can go that way. But be afraid. Be very, very afraid. The woods are dark at night and without a path to guide you
you'll most certainly be attacked by lions, tigers, and bears and eaten. Lollipop? Good luck! I hope you death is quick
and painless!
You know what? I don't care. Okay? All you people are too insecure. So what if we like to dance? I think that's one of
the things I like best about me. So you guys are free to have your no-dancing party over there, me and this girl are
That's Not How I going to bust a groove over here. Oh. And Tricia – your hair looks like a termite mound, okay? Like a termite mound
Barry Male Don Zolidis Playscripts Comedy
Remember It that got eaten by a dinosaur and then vomited up and put back together on your head. And then like a bunch of
space aliens came down and worshiped that, and right now there's a weird guy in the next town over making a
sculpture of your hair out of mashed potatoes. So there. Ha! Yes! I made her cry!
A WHAT‽ A DATE‽ And you didn't tell me about it? I would tell you about my fake dates! Tell me about him tell me
about him tell me about him! What's-he-look-like-what's-his-name-how-tall-is-he-who-are-his-parents? Oh my gosh
oh my gosh my little girl has a date! This is the happiest day of my life! All of the days before this were pale and
meaningless and now, suddenly, my life has meaning! Yes! Oh honey! You truly are a woman today! You are at the
That's Not How I
Lola's Mom threshold. Say goodbye to girlhood. Goodbye Barbies! Goodbye dollhouse! Goodbye My Little Pony! Hello Female Don Zolidis Playscripts Comedy
Remember It
– womanhood. Now listen to me – this boy is going to try to pressure you – he's going to try to kiss you – your job is
defense. A little bit of this, a little bit of that – and if things look like they're getting interesting, fall asleep – just pretend
– take these cookies, if there's a chance he might kiss you, pop one in your mouth. Under no circumstances does this
boy get a kiss tonight. You need him desperate, You need to break his spirit.
What inspires me? Simple. Fear. Blind, gaping, senseless fear. That's right. I'm afraid I'll be working at McDonald's
for the rest of my life if I don't get into college. And if I work at McDonald's, I'll probably end up dating the assistant
manager, some pimply twenty-year-old guy named Chip or Slugger– He wears a baseball cap backwards! I work at
McDonald's, I don't have any choices! Then he proposes to me when he's twenty-one! Right in the sea of balls! He
gets down on his knees when we're cleaning one night – it smells horrible – there's like a toddler that's been lost in
there for six hours – and Chip or Slugger or whatever-his-name-is proposes! I say yes! I'm an idiot because I didn't go
The Fount of
Megan to college! And then I start having babies! Because Chip is getting distant now! All he cares about is baseball on Female Don Zolidis Playscripts Comedy 1993 from the collection Mutually Assured Destruction
Inspiration
television, so I start trying to fill the hole in my life by having babies! What else am I going to do? And then Chip or
Slugger starts drinking at work and the kids grow up and they don't even like me anymore and then I start getting
more and more dogs because I think the dogs will love me, but the dogs don't love me, they're just using me for
kibble– THEY'RE USING ME FOR KIBBLE and when they find me dead on the floor from lung cancer at age 48
because I've been smoking four packs a day, no one even bothers to show up at my funeral! And Chip doesn't even
bother to get the expensive headstone. So that's my inspiration.
Let me explain this to you in terms you can understand: I am in the middle of an emotional apocalypse. You do not
want to be speaking to me. So, do you mind? I'm trying to zone out and wallow in grief. I mean, come on – for the last
two days you've been hitting on me, right? No, you can at least admit it. Let’s be adults here. You just think you're so
The Staggering funny and charming. You just come over here and you're like “I'll just make a bunch of jokes and flirt with the girl who
Heartbreak of got just got dumped ‘cause I'm super nice and whatever” but in reality you're just thinking “I'm gonna see if I can
Jasmine Female Don Zolidis Playscripts Comedy
Jasmine make this girl fall in love with me so I CAN DESTROY HER HEART.” I'm sorry. My stupid ex-boyfriend broke my
Merriwether heart. You ever been in love? Love is awesome for like six weeks, and then it’s like – you ever see the movie Alien?
You know when the alien like explodes out of the guy’s chest? That’s what happens to you after six weeks. Blarrrgh!
And then you're left with this like hollow shell of a creature while he goes on with his perfectly normal life and says
hey to whoever he wants. But all right fine. You can take me out.
Honey, don't give him the candy. DO not give this person candy! Your costume is a lie! What‽ Are you serious‽ No.
NO. This is about America now. You get no Snickers! Let me tell you people what this holiday is about. This is about
the brave men and women fighting overseas for our freedom. They don't go into some Middle East hellhole to survive
The True Meaning terrorist attacks so that this punk kid – by the way, punk would be an actual costume, if you were dressed up like a Written as male,
Jonas Don Zolidis Playscripts Comedy Part of Playscripts' "Scared Silly: 10 Hauntingly Hilarious Short Plays"
of Halloween punk I would respect that – but no, they didn't sacrifice their lives so that this kid could come around and rob us for but flexible
candy without bothering to put on a decent costume. They died so that you had the freedom to dress up like a witch
or a pirate or a Powerpuff Girl and participate in this great experiment called American. Thank you. You'll take nothing
and you'll like it! Get out! Go trick or treat at the losers' houses!
I'm so glad you asked! So here's my plan: you say I jumped off the cliff and my body was washed out to sea. I
imagine you were trying to help me once you discovered my heartbreaking letter. You hvae to work up a good cry for
this. "I tried to stop her! She was so beautiful when she did it! She said 'don't cry' – I said stop! Stoooooooopppp!"
This is where you break down a little bit like you can't continue because what happened was so heart-breakingly
terrible and awful at the same time. "I couldn't stop her. She plunged into the icy water. Hardly even made a splash.
Very Very Cold
Evelyn The currents must have carried her body out to sea where we'll never find her. Good thing we have this food for a Female Don Zolidis Playscripts Comedy From Mutually Assured Destruction: 10 Short Plays About Brothers and Sisters
Feet
wake." It's perfect. And then read my note. Please. Ginny. We're sisters. We do things for each other. I love you.
Please. I would do this for you. We can let Mother and Father know later – they'll be so happy. Just imagine the
scene: "I have something to tell you. Evelyn's alive! She's alive!" They leap up and down, Mother is crying tears of
joy, Father is thanking God for this happiness. You don't want to deny them that do you? One little fib, Ginny. That's
all it is. Evelyn was washed out to sea and she's dead, the wedding is off. Let's try the cake. That's it.
 Character Character Character Race (if
Title Monologue Text Author First Author Last Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender specified)
My dear friends. My sister Evelyn can't be here today because... She tumbled from a cliff to her doom–– I saw her
fall. She had dressed herself in a burlap sack. Her hair– she must have rubbed cow manure on it– I had never seen it
like that– A crazed look in her eye as if she was fearful and insane– I thought she might hit the water, but she hit the
cliffside, which sent her cartwheeling into the abyss, spraying blood – I still had hope of finding her, but at that
moment a shark leapt from the churning waves below, snapped her in half – she was still screaming at this point
– mostly about how she had lost her legs and was very very sorry for missing the wedding and putting you nice
people out. So she is dead. Good riddance, I say. ... I hope that shark enjoyed her – she was a dear sister, and had
gotten plump recently, so I'm sure she provided that predator with a good meal... she always loved nature. She left a
note! I will read it. "Dear friends and family and especially Charles–" I'll add that she's spelled the word "especially"
Very Very Cold wrong. "But now you have learned of my tragic and beautiful death. I am terribly sorry I cannot be present to explain
Virigina Female Don Zolidis Playscripts Comedy From Mutually Assured Destruction: 10 Short Plays About Brothers and Sisters
Feet the reason for my suicide, but this must suffice. First, dear Charles, I am not who you believed I was. I married
already. To a French peasant named Guillaume." I'm altering it for believability. "Guillaume and I met in a public
restroom in Paris. He was a humble plumber, but his rough hands were magic, and we fell in love in several minutes.
I was attractied to him despite his awful smell and missing teeth – I knew that my parents would not approve as he
was fifty years my senior and had only one foot. So I kept our love a secret, and even though he coudn't speak and
could only communicate in grunts and whistles, it was the happiest few hours of my life. Goodbye cruel world where
the love between a hunchbacked, illiterate, grunting French peasant and a clever American girl cannot be celebrated.
I shall remember you all fondly– I leave all my clothes and worldly possessions to my younger sister, Virginia, who
has always been a light for me in difficult times." And then she's made a series of obscene drawings which I cannot
show to you.
 Character
Character Character
Title of Play Monologue Text Author First Author Last Race Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender
(if specified)
What's got into him? What did I say? He told us himself beforehand - it was an amusing skit.
That's how I took it - as a skit. Now it turns out to be some great work of art! Oh, for heaven's
sake! So he got up all this performance and perfumed the air with sulphur not to amuse us but to
give us all an object-lesson in the art of writing and acting. Really, it's becoming a bore. These
perpetual attacks on me, this campaign of pinpricks - it would tax the patience of a saint! He's a
The Seagull Arkadina willful, difficult boy. He didn't pick some normal kind of play to do with, did he? - He made us sit Anton Chekhov Female Russian Methuen Drama 1 Drama Translated by Michael Frayn
through these weary poetic ravings. For the sake of amusement I'm prepared to sit through even
the ravings of delirium, but what we had here, I take it, were pretensions to new theatrical forms,
to a new artistic era. So far as I could see, though, we didn't get new forms, we simply got bad
manners. Let him write as his fancy takes him and his talent allows, just so long as he leaves me
alone.
Well, I don't know, I may be stupid, I may be mad, but I liked the play. There's something in it.
When that little girl was talking about being on her own - and then when the Devil's red eyes
appeared - I could feel my hands shaking with excitement. Something fresh and untutored about
it... It was a strange kind of thing, and I didn't see the end of it, but it made a powerful impression
none the less. You have talent; you muust go on. So over-sensitive! Tears in your eyes... What
was I going to say? Yes, you took a subject from the realm of abstract ideas. That was right,
The Seagull Dorn Anton Chekhov Female Russian Methuen Drama 1 Drama Translated by Michael Frayn
because a work of art must always express some substantial thought. Nothing can be excellent
unless it be serious. Write about nothing that isn't important and eternal. I've lived my life with
variety and taste, I'm a contented man, but I can tell you, if it had been granted to me to
experience the lift of the heart that artists know in the moment of creation, then I think I should
have scorned this material envelope of mine, and everything to do with it, and I should have left
the ground and soared up into the heights.
There you are - she doesn't love me. Well, of course she doesn't. She wants to live and love and
dress in light colours, and there I am, twenty-five years old, perpetually reminding her that she's
stopped being young. When I'm not there she's thirty-two - when I am she's forty-three; and that's
why she hates me. Then again I don't acknowledge the theatre. She loves the theatre - she thinks
she's serving humanity and the sacred cause of art, whereas in my view the modern theatre is an
anthology of stereotypes and received ideas. When the curtain goes up, and there, in a room with
The Seagull Konstantin three walls lit by artificial lighting because it's always evening, these great artists, these high Anton Chekhov Male Russian Methuen Drama 1 Drama Translated by Michael Frayn
priests in the temple of art, demonstrate how people eat and drink, how they love andwalk about
and wear their suits; when out of these banal scenes and trite words they attempt to extract a
moral - some small and simple moral with a hundred household uses; when under a thousand
different disguises they keep serving me up the same old thing, the same old thing, the same old
thing - then I run and don't stop running - just as Maupassant ran from teh sight of the Eiffel tower,
that weight on his brain with its sheer vulgarity.
What we need are new artistic forms. And if we don't get new forms it would be better if we had
nothing at all. I love my mother, I love her deeply. But then she smokes, she drinks, she quite
openly lives with that novelist, they're always bandying her name about in the papers - and I'm
sick of it. Though sometimes what prompts me is just ordinary moral egotism; I start to regret that
my mother is a well-known actress, and I feel I should be happier if she were an ordinary woman.
Uncle, what could be sillier or more hopeless than the position I've found myself in often enough:
solid rows of celebrities sitting in her drawing-room, artists and writers, and me the only one
The Seagull Konstantin among then who's a nobody, being put up with purely because I'm her son. Who am I? What am Anton Chekhov Male Russian Methuen Drama 1 Drama Translated by Michael Frayn
I? I left university half-way through owing to circumstances beyond the editor's control, as the
phrase goes; I've no talents; I've no money; while according to my passport I'm a shopkeeper, a
Kiev shopkeeper. My father did come from Kiev, of course - he was from the shopkeeping classes
- although he was also a well-known actor. So that when all those artists and writers in her
drawing room would turn their gracious attention upon me I had the impression that with every
glance they were measuring the depth of my nonentity. I could guess what they were thinking,
and the humiliation of it hurt...
Why? Because she's bored. Because she's jealous. She's already set her mind against me, and
against having theatricals, and against my play, in case her novelist takes a fancy to Nina. She
doesn't know anything about my play, but she already hates it. She's already vexed that in this
one little theatre it's Nina who will have the success, and not her. A comic tale of human
psychology, my mother. Talented, unquestionably; intelligent, quite capable of being moved by a
book. Recite you the whole of Nekrasov by heart. Ministers to the sick like an angel. But you
trying saying something nice about Duse in her hearing! Oh dear me no! She's the one who has
The Seagull Konstantin Anton Chekhov Male Russian Methuen Drama 1 Drama Translated by Michael Frayn
to have nice things said about her and no one else, she's the one who has to be written about,
shouted about, admired for her extraordinary performance in La Dame aux Camélias or whatever;
and because this drug isn't available here in the country she gets bored and ill-tempered, and all
of us become her enemies - it's all our fault. Then again she's superstitious - she's afraid of three
candles and the thirteenth of the month. She's mean with her money. She's got seventy thousand
rubles sitting in a bank in Odessa - I know that for a fact. But ask her if you can borrow some and
she'll burst into tears.
What success? I've never given any pleasure to myself as a writer. The worst thing is that I go
round in some kind of daze, and often I don't udnerstand what it is I'm writing... I love thi water
here, the trees, the sky; I have a feeling for nature - it arouses this passion I have, the irresistible
desire to write. But then of course I'm not just a landscape-painter; I'm a citizen as well - I love my
country, I love the common people. I feel that if I'm a writer then I have some obligation to deal
The Seagull Trigorin with the people, with their sufferings and their future, to deal with science and the rights of man Anton Chekhov Female Russian Methuen Drama 2 Drama Translated by Michael Frayn
and so on and so forth; and deal with it all I do, in haste, urged on and snapped at on all sides. I
rush back and forth like a fox bayed by hounds. I can see that life and science are getting further
and further ahead of me all the time, while I fall further and further behind, like a peasant missing
a train. And in the end I feel that all I can write is landscapes, and that in everything else I'm false
- false to the marrow of my bones.
Am I really so old and ugly that you can talk to me about other women without so much as batting
an eyelid? Oh, you're out of your senses! My wonderful man, my marvellous man... The last page
of my life! My joy, my pride, my delight... Leave me for a single hour and I'll never survive it, I'll go
mad, my amazing man, my magnificent man, my sovereign lord... I'm not ashamed of my love for
you. My treasure, my wild and desperate man, you want to behave like a lunatic, but I don't want
you to, I won't let you... You're mine... you're mine... this brow of yours is mine, these eyes are
mine, this lovely silken hair is mine... You're all mine. You're such a talented man, such an
The Seagull Arkadina Anton Chekhov Female Russian Methuen Drama 3 Drama Translated by Michael Frayn
intelligent man, you're the finest writer alive today, you're the sole hope of Russia... You have so
much sincerity, so much simplicity and freshness and wholesome humor.... With one stroke
you're able to convey the essence of a person or a landscape, your charcaters live and breathe.
Impossible to read you without delight! You think this is mere incense at your altar? That I'm
flattering you? Look into my eyes... look into them... Do I look like a liar? See for yourself - I'm the
only one who can appreciate you, the only one who tells you the truth, my sweet, my marvel...
You'll come away? Yes? You won't abandon me...?
No, Mama. That was just a moment of crazy despair when I lost control of myself. It won't happen
again. You have magic in your hands. I remmebr a long time ago, when you were still working in
the State theatre - when I was little - there was a fight in the courtyard of our block, and a
washerwoman living in one of the apartments got badly knocked about. Do you remember? When
they picked her up she was unconscious... You kept going to see her, you took her medicine, you
bathed the children in the washtub. Surely you remember? There were two ballet-dancers living in
the same block... they used to come and have coffee with you... They were terribly religious.
The Seagull Konstantin These last few days I've loved you as tenderly and whole-heartedly as I did when I was a child. Anton Chekhov Male Russian Methuen Drama 3 Drama Translated by Michael Frayn
I've no one left apart from you. But why, why has that man come between us? You want me to
think he's a genius as well, but I'm sorry, I can't tell a lie - his work nauseates me. I've more talent
than the lot of you, if it comes to that! You and your dull, plodding friends have got a stranglehold
on art, and the only things you consider legitimate and real are the ones you do yourselves–
everything else you crush and smother! I don't acknowledge any of you! I don't acknowledge you,
I don't acknowledge him! Go off to your nice little theatre and act in your miserable, mediocre
plays!
You must be sober, too - be understanding and sensible, I miplore you - see all this like the true
friend you are... You're capable of sacrifice... Be my friend - let me go... I feel as if a voice were
calling me to her! Perhaps this is the very thing I need. Sometimes people fall alseep on their feet
- and that's how I am now, talking to you but feeling all the time as if I were alseep and dreaming
of her... Sweet and marvellous dreams have taken hold of me... Let me go... If you choose you
The Seagull Trigorin Anton Chekhov Male Russian Methuen Drama 3 Drama Translated by Michael Frayn
can be a woman unlike any other. A young love - a love full of charm and poetry - bearing me off
into the land of dreams... in all this wide world no one but her can give me happiness! The sort of
love I've never known yet... I'd no time for it when I was young, when I was beating on editors
doors, when I was struggling with poverty... Now here it is, that love I never knew - it's come, it's
calling to me... what sense is running away from it?
Nina, I've cursed you, I've hated you, I've torn up your letters and your photographs - but not a
moment when Id idn't know that I was bound to you, heart and soul, for all eternity. It's not within
my power to cease loving you, Nina. From the moment I lost you and began to be published I've
found my life unliveable - nothing but pain... It's as if my youth had suddenly been stripped from
The Seagull Konstantin me - I feel I've been living in this world for ninety years. I say your name - I kiss the ground you've Anton Chekhov Female Russian Methuen Drama 4 Drama Translated by Michael Frayn
walked upon. Wherever I look I see your face - I see the tender smile that shone on me in the
summer of my life... I'm all alone. I've no one's affection to warm me - I'm as cold as the grave -
and whatever I write, it's dry and stale and joyless. Stay here, Nina, I beg you, or else let me
come with you!
Now you've put his back up. What did you have to go badgering him for? It's all nonsense. Love
without hope - that's just in novels. Fiddle! You musn't lose your grip on yourself, that's all, you
mustn't keep waiting for something to happen, like a sailor waiting for the weather... Once love
has dug itself into your heart you have to get it out again. They've promised to transfer my
The Seagull Masha Anton Chekhov Female Russian Methuen Drama 4 Drama Translated by Michael Frayn
husband to another district. As soon as we've got there I shall forget it all... I shall tear it out of my
heart by the roots. The main thing, Mama, is not to have him in front of my eyes all the time. Just
let them give my Seymon his transfer and, belive me, in a month I shall have forgotten him. So
fiddle-de-dee.
I was afraid you'd hate me. Every night I dream that you're looking at me and not recognizing me.
If only you knew what things had been like! I've been coming here from the moment I arrived...
walking by the lake. I've been by your house many times, but I couldn't make up my mind to come
in. Let's sit down. We'll sit and talk. Talk and talk. It's nice in here - It's warm, it's cosy... You hear
the wind? It says in Turgenev somewhere, "Lucky the man who on nights like these has a roof
over his head and a warm corner." I'm the seagull. No, that's not right. What was I talking about?
Oh, yes... Turgenev... "And Lord help all homeless wanderers..." It's all right. (Sobs.) It's all right -
It's a relief... I haven't cried these two whole years. Then last night I went to look at the garden to
The Seagull Nina Anton Chekhov Female Russian Methuen Drama 4 Drama Translated by Michael Frayn
see if our theatre was still there. And it is - it's been standing there all this while. I cried for the first
time in two years, and I felt a weight lifting, I felt my heart clearing. You see? I've stopped crying.
So you've become a writer now... You're a writer - I'm an actress... We're launched upon the
world, even us... I used to be full of joy in life, like a little child - I'd wake up in the morning and
start singing - I loved you - I had dreams of glory... And now? First thing tomorrow morning I'm off
to Yeletz - third class, with the peasants - and in Yeletz I shall have the more educated local
businessmen pressing their attentions upon me. It's a rough trade, life! I'm contracted for the
entire winter season. It's time to be getting there.
I went to Mardi Gras once a long, long time ago. I remembuh they danced in the streets. I was
just fourteen, I had on my first long dress an' a marcel wave an' some perfume called Baiser
d'Amour that I bought at Maison Blanche. Something wonderful happened. A boy in a Pierrot suit.
Battle of Angels Myra Caught me around the waist, whirled me till I was dizzy - then kissed me and - disappeared! Tennessee Williams Female Dramatists 2 1
Completely. In the crowd. The music stopped. I ran straight back to my room and lay on the bed
an' stared an' stared at a big yellow spot on the ceiling. It was tragic. I can still feel it whenever the
carnival's mentioned.
I didn't come in here for evening slippers. I didn't come home for the Delta Planters' Cotillion. I
came back here to see you. I haven't been able to get you off my mind. I woke up thinking about
you last night in the Hotel Monteleone. I went downstairs to the bar at three o'clock in the
morning. I thought I might forget if I got drunk. They must've poured my whiskey out of the wrong
bottle, though. At half-past three I was on the highway, headed back to Two Rivers - seventy,
Battle of Angels Sandra Tennessee Williams Female Dramatists 2 1
eighty, ninety miles an hour - scared that you'd be gone before I got here. What do you think
about that? You're the center of much discussion in Two River County - among the women. That
snake-skin jacket, those eyes; that special technique you use in fitting on shoes. I can understand
why. You're beautiful, you're wild. I have a feeling we'll come together some night. In the dark of
the moon, beside a broken fence rail in some big rolling meadow. We won't even say hello.
 Character
Character Character
Title of Play Monologue Text Author First Author Last Race Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender
(if specified)
That's what you thought? You were wrong about that. I felt a resemblance between us. You must
be blind. You - savage. And me - aristocreat. Both of us things whose license has been revoked
in the civilized world. Both of us equally damned and for the same good reason. Because we both
want freedom. Of course, I knew you were really better than me. A whole lot better. I'm rotten.
Neurotic. Our blood's gone bad from too much interbreeding. They've set up the guillotine, not in
the Place de Concorde, but here, inside our own bodies! Look at my wrists. They're too thin. You
Battle of Angels Sandra could snap them like twigs. You can see through my skin. It's transparent like tissue paper. I'm Tennessee Williams Female Dramatists 2 1
lovely, aren't i? But I'm not any good. I wear dark glasses over my eyes because I've got secrets
in them. Too much of something that makes me rather disgusting. Yes, you were right when you
slapped me, Val. You should have killed me, before I kill myself. I will some day. I have an instinct
for self-destruction. I'm running away from it all the time. Too fast. New Orleans, Vicksburg,
Mobile. All over the goddam country with something after me every inch of the way! But the
poison I've got in my blood isn't the kind that makes me fatal to kiss! Why don't you kiss me, Val?
You mean I worked in your store! You don't have to give it to me, I've already took it. I'm not help
to you. (Beat.) Oh no? Actions speak louder than words, Mrs. Torrance! You are a very difficult,
hardheaded woman - and much as I wanted a job I got to admit that working for you is no
pleasure. When you tell me to do things, how can I understand you, the way you talk? You talk to
Battle of Angels Val Tennessee Williams Male Dramatists 2 1
the wall. You talk to the ceiling. You enver talk straight to me! You never even look in my face
when you say something to me! I just have to guess what you said 'cause you talk so fast an' hard
an' keep your face turned away... I've had the feeling ever since I come here that everything I do
has displeased you!
Myra - I mean, Mrs. Torrance. I wanted to keep this job. I was tired of moving around and being
lonesome and only meeting with strangers. I wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere and lived
like regular people. Instead of like a fox that's chased by hounds! How do you get to know
people? I used to think you did it by touching them with your hands. But later I found out that only
made you more of a stranger than ever. Now I know that nobody ever gets to know anybody.
Don't you see how it is? We're all of us locked up tight inside our own bodies. Sentenced - you
Battle of Angels Val Tennessee Williams Male Dramatists 2 1
might say - to solitary confinement inside our own skins. Me? Belong to? Nothing. I used to have
folks. I've lost track of 'em after they lost their land. They never owned a single inch of the earth,
but all their lives they gave to working on it. The land got poor, it wouldn't produce no more, and
so my folks were thrown off it. I don't know where. They were loose chicken feathers blown
around by the wind. I made up my mind about something and I've stuck to it ever since. To live
my myself.
Myra, you know the earth turns. It's turning that way. East. And if a man turned west, no matter
how fast, he'd still be going the other way, really, because the earth turns so much faster. It's no
use to struggle, to try to move against it. You go the way the earth pulls you whether you want to
Battle of Angels Val Tennessee Williams Male Dramatists 2 1
or not. I don't want to touch you, Myra. It wouldn't be right for me to. On account of you. You been
good to me. I don't want nothing to hurt you. Let's shake hands with each other, huh? You're not
still afraid of me, are you?
I never spy and I never listen at doors! The first thing a landlady in the French Quarter learns is
not to see and not to hear but only collect your money! As long as that comes in—okay, I’m blind,
I’m deaf, I’m dumb! But soon as it stops, I recover my hearing and also my sight and also the use
of my voice. If necessary I go to the phone and call up the chief of police who happens to be an
Lady of Larkspur Concord
Mrs. Wire in-law of my sister’s! I heard last night that argument over money. He shouted so loud I had to Tennessee Williams Female
Lotion Theatricals, Inc
shut the front window to keep the noise from carrying out on the streets! I heard no mention of
any Brazilian plantation! But plenty of other things were plainly referred to in that little midnight
conversation you had! Larkspur Lotion—to take the polish off nails! Am I in my infancy, am I?
That’s on a par with the wonderful rubber plantation!
Honey, I stopped by Piggly-Wiggly's yesterday noon when I got off the streetcar on the way home
from the office, and I picked up three beautiful fryers, you know, nice and plump fryers. The fryers
are sizzling so loud I didn't catch that, Dotty. You know, now that the office lets out at noon
Saturday, it's easier to lay in supplies for Sunday. I think that Roosevelt did something for the
country when he got us half Saturdays off because it used to be that by the time I got off the
streetcar from International Shoe, Piggly-Wiggly's on the corner would be closed, but now it's still
wide open. So I went in Piggly Wiggly's, I went to the meat department and I said to the nice old
man, Mr. Butts, the butcher, "Mr. Butts, have you got any real nice fryers?" -- "You bet your life!"
he said, "I must've been expectin' you to drop in. Feel these nice plump fryers." Mr. Butts always
A Lovely Sunday White (of German
Bodey lets me feel his meat. The feel of a piece of meat is the way to test it, but there's very few modern Tennessee Williams Female Concord 1 1 Comedy Red-Light List
for Creve Coeur descent)
butchers will allow you to feel it. It's the German in me. I got to feel the meat to know it's good. A
piece of meat can look good over the counter but to know for sure I always want to feel it. Mr.
Butts, being German, he understands that, always says to me, "Feel it, go on, feel it." So I felt the
fryers. "Don't they feel good and fresh?" I said, "Yes, Mr. Butts, ut will they keep till tomorrow?"
"Haven't you got any ice in your icebox?" he asked me. I said to him, "I hope so, but ice goes fast
in hot weather. I told the girl that shares my apartment with me to put up the card for a twenty-five
pound lump of ice but sometimes she forgets to." Well, thank goodness, this time you didn't forget
to. You always got so much on your mind in the morning, civics and -- other things at the high
school. --- What are you laughin' at, Dotty?
When a woman's been childless as long as I've been childless, it's hard to believe that you're still
able to bear! - We used to have a little fig tree that never bore any fruit, they said it was barren.
Time went by it, spring after useless spring, and it almost started to die.... Then one day I
discovered a small green fig on the tree they said wouldn't bear! I ran through the orchard
shouting, "Oh, Father, it's going to bear, the fig tree is going to bear!" - It seemed such a
Orpheus
Lady wonderful thing, for the little fig tree to bear, it called for a celebration - I ran to a closet, where we Tennessee Williams Female Dramatists 3 3 Drama Red-Light List
Descending
kept Christmas ornaments! - And I hung the little tree with them, I decorated the fig tree with glass
bells and glass birds, and silver icicles and stars, because it won the battle and it would bear!
Unpack the box! Unpack the box with the Christmas ornaments in it, put them on me, glass bells
and glass birds and stars and tinsel and snow! Because I've won, I've won, Mr. Death, I'm going
to bear!
Bertie? --- Carol! --- Hi, doll! Did you trip over something? I heard a crash. Well, I'm leaving right
now, I'm already on the highway and everything's fixed, I've got my allowance back on condition
that I remain forever away from Two River County! I had to blackmail them a little. I came to
dinner with my eyes made up and my little black sequin jacket and Betsy Boo, my brother's wife,
said "Carol, you going out to a fancy dress ball?" I said, "Oh, no, I'm just going jooking tonight up
Orpheus and down the Dixie Highway between here and Memphis like I used to when I lived here." Why,
Carol Tennessee Williams Female Dramatists 1 1 Red-Light List
Descending honey, she flew so fast you couldn't see her passing and came back in with the ink still wet on the
check! And this will be done once a month as long as I stay away from Two River County...
(Laughs gaily.) -- How's Jackie? Bless his heart, give him a sweet kiss for me! Oh, honey, I'm
driving straight through, not even stopping for pickups unless you need one! I'll meet you in the
Starlite Lounge before it closes, or if I'm irresisibly delayed, I'll certainly join you for coffee at the
Morning Call before the all-night places have closed for the day...
I used to be what they call a Christ-bitten reformer. You know what that is? --- a kind of Benign
exhibitionist... I delivered stump speeches, wrote letters of protest about the gradual massacre of
the colored majority in the county. I thought it was wrong for pellagra and slow starvation to cut
them down when the cotton crop failed from army worm or boll wevil or too much rain in summer.
I wanted to, tried to, put up free clinics, I squandered the money my mother left me on it. And
when that Willie McGee thing came along --- he was sent to the chair for having improper
relations with a white whore --- (Her voice is like a passionate incantation.) I made a fuss about it.
I put on a potato sack and set ou tfor the capital on foot. This was in winter. I walked barefoot in
this burlap sack to deliver a personal protest to the governor of teh state. Oh, I suppose it was
Orpheus partly exhibitionism on my part, but it wasn't completely exhibitionism; there was something else
Carol Tennessee Williams Female Dramatists 1 1 Drama Red-Light List
Descending in it, too. You know how far I got? Six miles out of town -- hooted, jeered at, even spit on! -- every
step of the way -- and then arrested! Guess what for? Lewd vagrancy! Uh-huh, that was the
charge, "lewd vagrancy," because they said that potato sack I had on was not a respectable
garment... Well, all that was a pretty long time ago, and now I'm not a reformer any more. I'm just
a "lewd vagrant." and I'm showing the "S.O.B.S." how lewd a "lewd vagrant" can be if she puts her
whole heart in it like I do mine! All right. I've told you my story, the story of an exhibitionist. Now I
want you to do something for me. Take me out to Cypress Hill in my car. And we'll hear the dead
people talk. They do talk there. They chatter together like birds on Cypress Hill, but all they say is
one word and that one word is "live," they say, "Live, live, live, live, live!" It's all they've learned,
it's the only adivce they can give. --- Just live... Simple! --- a very simple instruction...
I'm telling you, Lady, there's people bought and sold in this world like carcasses of hogs in
butcher shops! You might think there's many and many kinds of people in this world but, Lady,
there's just two kinds of people, the ones that are bought and the buyers! No! --- There's one
other kind... The kind that's never been branded. You know they's a kind of bird that don't have
legs so it can't light on nothing but has to stay all its life on wings in the sky? That's true. I seen
one once, it had died and fallen to earth and it was light-blue colored and its body was tiny as
your little finger and so light on the palm of your hand it didn't weigh more than a feather, but its
Orpheus wings spread out this wide but they was transparent, the color of the sky and you coudl see
Val Tennessee Williams Male Dramatists 1 2 Drama Red-Light List
Descending through them. That's what they call protection coloring. Camouflage, they call it. You can't tell
those birds from the sky and that's why the hawks don't catch them, dont' see them up there in
the high blue sky near the sun! They fly so high in grey weather the hawks would get dizzy. But
those little birds, they don't have no legs at all and they live their whole lives on the wind, that's
how they sleep at night, they just spread their wings and go to sleep on the wind like other birds
fold their wings and go to sleep on a tree... --- They sleep on the wind and... --- never light on this
earth but one time when they die! So I'd like to be one of those birds; they's lots of people would
like to be one of those birds and never be --- corrupted.
If one of those birds ever dies and falls on the ground and you happen to find it, I wish you would
show it to me because I think maybe you just imagine there is a bird of that kind in existence.
Because I don't think nothing living has ever been that free, not even nearly. Show me one of
them birds and I'll say, Yes, God's made one perfect creature! --- I sure would give this mercantile
store an every bit of stock in it to be that tiny bird the color of the sky... for one night to sleep on
the wind and --- float! --- around under th' ---stars. ---Because I sleep with a son of a bitch who
bought me at a fire sale, and not in fifteen years have I had a single good dream, not one ---oh! ---
Orpheus Shit... I don't know why I'm --- telling a stranger this--- this... (She rings the cashbox open.) Take
Lady Tennessee Williams Female Dramatists 1 2 Drama Red-Light List
Descending this dollar and go eat at the Al-Nite on the highway and come back here in the morning and I'll put
you to work. I'll break you in clerking here and when the new confectionary opens, well, maybe I
can use you in there. --- That door locks when you close it! --- But let's get one thing straight. I'm
not interested in your perfect functions, in fact you don't interest me no more than the air that you
stand in. If that's understood we'll have a good working relation, but otherwise trouble! ---Of
course I know you're crazy, but they's lots of crazier people than you are still running loose and
some of them in high positions, too. Just remember. No monkey business with me. Now go. Go
eat, you're hungry.
I have something to tell you I never told you before. --I ---carried your child in my body the
summer you quit me. (Silence.) No, no, I didn't write you no letter about it; I was proud then; I had
pride. But I had your child in my body the summer you quit me, that summer they burned my
father in his wine garden, and you, you washed your hands clean of any connection with a Dago
bootlegger's daughter and --- (Her breathless voice momentarily falters and she makes a fierce
Orpheus
Lady gesture as she struggles to speak.) -- took that ---society girl that ---restored your homeplace and Tennessee Williams Female Dramatists 2 1 Red-Light List
Descending
give you such -- (Catches breath.) ---well-born children... Well, now you do know, you know now. I
carried your child in my body the summer you quit me but I had it cut ou tof my body, and they cut
my heart out with it! I wanted death after that, but death don't come when you want it, it comes
when you don't want it! I wanted death, then, but I took the next best thing. You sold yourself. I
sold my self. You was bought. I was bought. You made whores of us both!
Oh, well, you see, I--- I just, just felt it that way! I paint a thing how I feel instead of always the way
it actually is. Appearances are misleading, nothing is what it looks like to the eyes. You got to
have -- vision -- to see! I paint from vision. They call me a visionary. (with shy pride.) That's what
the New Orleans and Memphis newspaper people admire so much in my work. They call it a
primitive style, the work of a visionary. One of my pictures is hung on the exhibition in Audubon
Park museum and they have asked for others. I can't turn them out fast enough! -- I have to wait
for ---visions, no, I --- I can't paint without ---visions... I couldn't live without visions! I was born, I
Orpheus was born with a caul! A sort of thing like a veil, a thin, thin sort of a web over my eyes. They call
Vee Tennessee Williams Female Dramatists 2 2 Drama Red-Light List
Descending that a caul. It's a sign that you're going to have visions, and I did, I had them! --- when I was little
my baby sister died. Just one day old, she died. They had to baptize her at midnight to saver her
soul. The minister came at midnight, and after the baptism service, he handed the bowl of holy
water to me and told me, "Be sure to empty this out on the ground!" -- I didn't. I was scared to go
out at midnight, with, with -- death! in the -- house and -- I sneaked into the kitchen; I emptied the
holy water into the kitchen sink -- thunder struck! -- the kitchen sink turned black, the kitchen sink
turned absolutely black! --Oh, I --- tell you! -- since I got into this painting, my whole outlook is
different. I can't explain how it is, the difference to me. It didn't... existence didn't make sense...
 Character
Character Character
Title of Play Monologue Text Author First Author Last Race Publisher Act Scene Play Genre Notes
Name Gender
(if specified)
I thought I would see my Savior on the day of His passion, which was yesterday, Good Friday,
that's when I expected to see Him. But I was mistaken, I was -- disappointed. Yesterday passed
and nothing, nothing much happened but -- today -- this afternoon, somehow I pulled myself
together and walked outdoors and started to go to pray in the empty church and meditate on teh
Rising of Christ tomorrow. Along the road as I walked, thinking about the mysteries of Easter,
veils! -- seemed to dropp off my eyes! Light, oh, light! I never have seen such brilliance! It
PRICKED my eyeballs like NEEDLES! Yes, yes, light. YOU know, you know we live in light and
Orpheus
Vee shadow, tha'ts, that's what we live in, a world of -- light and shadow... A world of light and shadow Tennessee Williams Female Dramatists 3 2 Drama Red-Light List
Descending
is what we live in, and --- it's --- confusing... Well, and then--- I heard this clap of thunder! Sky! --
Split open! ---And there in the split-open sky, I saw, I tell you, I saw the TWO HUGE BLAZING
EYES OF JESUS CHRIST RISEN! -- Not crucified but Risen! I mean Crucified and then RISEN! --
The blazing eyes of Christ Risen! And then a great-- (raises both arms and makes a great
sweeping motion to describe an apocalypitc disturbance of the atmosphere.) -- His hand! --
Invisible! I didn't see his hand! -- But it touched me-- Here! (She seizes Val's hand and presses it
to her great heaving bosom.)
Richard! No, no, no, no! I don’t care if the whole church hears about it! (She frenziedly snatches
up the phone.) Manager, I’ve got to speak to the manager! Hurry, oh, please hurry, there’s a
man—! (wildly aside as if to an invisible figure) Lost all respect, absolutely no respect! . . . Mr.
Abrams? (in a tense hushed voice) I don’t want any reporters to hear about this but something
awful has been going on upstairs. Yes, this is Miss Collins’ apartment on the top floor. I’ve
refrained from making any complaint because of my connections with the church. I used to be
assistant to the Sunday School superintendent and I once had the primary class. I helped them
put on the Christmas pageant. I made the dress for the Virgin and Mother, made robes for the
Portait of a Concord
Miss Collins Wise Men. Yes, and now this has happened, I’m not responsible for it, but night after night after Tennessee Williams Female Red-Light List
Madonna Theatricals, Inc
night this man has been coming into my apartment and—indulging his senses! Do you
understand? Not once but repeatedly, Mr. Abrams! I don’t know whether he comes in the door or
the window or up the fire-escape or whether there’s some secret entrance they know about at the
church, but he’s here now, in my bedroom, and I can’t force him to leave, I’ll have to have some
assistance! No, he isn’t a thief, Mr. Abrams, he comes of a very fine family in Webb, Mississippi,
but this woman has ruined his character, she’s destroyed his respect for ladies! Mr. Abrams? Mr.
Abrams! Oh, goodness! (She slams up the receiver and looks distractedly about for a moment;
then rushes back into the bedroom) Richard!
You needn’t try to comfort me. I haven’t come here on any but equal terms. You said, let’s talk
truthfully. Well, let’s do! Unsparingly, truthfully, even shamelessly, then! It’s no longer a secret that
I love you. It never was. I loved you as long ago as the time I asked you to read the stone angel’s
name with your fingers. Yes, I remember the long afternoons of our childhood, when I had to stay
indoors to practice my music — and heard your playmates calling you, “Johnny, Johnny!” How it
Summer and went through me, just to hear your name called! And how I — rushed to the window to watch you
Alma Tennessee Williams Female Dramatists Drama Red-Light List
Smoke jump the porch railing! I stood at a distance, halfway down the block, only to keep in sight of your
torn red sweater, racing about the vacant lot you played in. Yes, it had begun that early, this
affliction of love, and has never let go of me since, but kept on growing. I’ve lived next door to you
all the days of my life, a weak and divided person who stood in adoring awe of your singleness, of
your strength. And that is my story! Now I wish you would tell me — why didn’t it happen between
us? Why did I fail? Why did you come almost close enough — and no closer?
At a Mardi Gras ball some—some boy that took me to it got too drunk
to stand up! [A short, mirthless note of laughter.] I wanted to go home. My coat was in
the cloakroom, they couldn’t find the check for it in his pockets. I said, “Oh, hell, let it
go!”—I started out for a taxi. Somebody took my arm and said, “I’ll drive you home.”
He took off his coat as we left the hotel and put it over my shoulders, and then I
looked at him and—I don’t think I’d ever even seen him before then, really! —He
took me home in his car but took me another place first. We stopped near the Duelling
Oaks at the end of Esplanade Street. . . . Stopped! —I said, “What for?”—He didn’t
answer, just struck a match in the car to light a cigarette in the car and I looked at him
Suddenly Last
Catharine in the car and I knew “what for”! —I think I got out of the car before he got out of the Tennessee Williams Female Dramatists 4 Drama Red-Light List
Summer
car, and we walked through the wet grass to the great misty oaks as if somebody was
calling us for help there! I lost him. —He took me home and said an awful thing to me. “We’d
better forget it,” he said, “my wife’s expecting a child and—”—I just entered thehouse and sat
there thinking a little and then I suddenly called a taxi and went rightback to the Roosevelt Hotel
ballroom. The ball was still going on. I thought I’d goneback to pick up my borrowed coat but that
wasn’t what I’d gone back for. I’d goneback to make a scene on the floor of the ballroom, yes, I
didn’t stop at the cloakroomto pick up Aunt Violet’s old mink stole, no, I rushed right into the
ballroom andspotted him on the floor and ran up to him and beat him as hard as I could in the
faceand chest with my fists till—Cousin Sebastian took me away.
This is important. I don’t know why she mentioned the Blue Jay notebook but I want you to see it.
Here it is, here! [She holds up a notebook and leafs swiftly through the pages.] Title? Poem of
Summer, and the date of the summer—1935. After that: what? Blank pages, blank pages, nothing
but nothing! —last summer... His destruction? I’ll tell you. A poet’s vocation is something that
rests on something as thin and fine as the web of a spider, Doctor. That’s all that holds him over!
—out of destruction. . . . Few, very few are able to do it alone! Great help is needed! I did give it!
Suddenly Last
Mrs. Venable She didn’t. There now, the truth’s coming out. We had an agreement between us, a sort of Tennessee Williams Female Dramatists 4 Drama Red-Light List
Summer
contract or covenant between us which he broke last summer when he broke away from me and
took her with him, not me! When he was frightened and I knew when and what of, because his
hands would shake and his eyes looked in, not out, I’d reach across a table and touch his hands
and say not a word, just look, and touch his hands with my hand until his hands stopped shaking
and his eyes looked out, not in, and in the morning, the poem would be continued. Continued until
it was finished!
Go on! What had I had? Are you afraid to say it in front of the Doctor? She meant that I had a
stroke. - I DID NOT HAVE A STROKE! - I had a slight aneurism. You know what that is, Doctor?
A little vascular convulsion! Not a hemorrhage, just a little convulsion of a blood-vessel. I had it
when I discovered that she was trying to take my son away from me. Then I had it. It gave a little
temporary-muscular-contraction. To one side of my face... These people are not blood-relatives of
mine, they're my dead husband's relations. I always detested these people, my dead husband's
sister and - her two worthless children. But I did more than my duty to keep their heads above
water. To please my son, whose weakness was being excessively softhearted, I went to the
Suddenly Last expense and humiliation, yes public humiliation, of giving this girl a debut which was a fiasco.
Mrs. Venable Tennessee Williams Female Dramatists 4 Drama Red-Light List
Summer Nobody liked her when I brought her out. Oh, she had some kind of - notoriety! She had a sharp
tongue that some people mistook for wit. A habit of laughing in the faces of decent people which
would infuriate them, and also reflected adversely on me and Sebastian, too. But, he, Sebastian,
was amused by this girl. While I was disgusted, sickened. And halfway through the season, she
was dropped off the party lists, yes, dropped off the lists in spite of my position. Why? Because
she'd lost her head over a young married man, made a scandalous scene at a Mardi Gras ball, in
the middle of the ballroom. Then everybody dropped her like a hot-rock, but - (she loses her
breath.) My son, Sebastian, still felt sorry for her and took her with him last summer instead of
me... She was in love with my son!
Yes! He bought me a swimsuit I didn’t want to wear. I laughed. I said, “I can’t wear that, it’s a
scandal to the jay birds!” It was a one-piece suit made of white lisle, the water made it
transparent! [She laughs sadly at the memory of it.] —I didn’t want to swim in it, but he’d grab my
hand and drag me into the water, all the way in, and I’d come out looking naked! Don’t you
understand? I was PROCURING for him! She used to do it, too. Not consciously! She didn’t know
Suddenly Last
Catharine that she was procuring for him in the smart, the fashionable places they used to go to before last Tennessee Williams Female Dramatists 4 Drama Red-Light List
Summer
summer! Sebastian was shy with people. She wasn’t. Neither was I. We both did the same thing
for him, made contacts for him, but she did it in nice places and in decent ways and I had to do it
the way that I just told you! —Sebastian was lonely, Doctor, and the empty Blue Jay notebook got
bigger and bigger, so big it was big and empty as that big empty blue sea and sky... I knew what I
was doing. I came out in the French Quarter years before I came out in the Garden District...
I have a respect for the truth, and I have a respect for you — so I’d better speak honestly if you
want me to speak. You’ve won the argument that we had between us. The one about the chart. It
shows that we’re not just a package of rose leaves, that every interior inch of us is taken up with
something ugly and fucntional and no room seems to be left for anything else in there. But I’ve
come around to your way of thinking, that something else is in there, an immaterial something —
as thin as smoke — which all of those ugly machines combine to produce and that’s their whole
reason for being. It can’t be seen so it can’t be shown on the chart. But it’s there, just the same,
and knowing it’s there — why, then the whole thing — this — this unfathomable experience of
ours — takes on a new value, like some — some wildly romantic work in a laboratory! Don’t you
Summer and
John see? Whenever we’ve gotten together, the three or four times that we have … It’s only been three Tennessee Williams Male Dramatists Drama Red-Light List
Smoke
or four times that we’ve — come face to face. And each of those times — we seemed to be trying
to find something in each other without knowing what it was that we wanted to find. It wasn’t a
body hunger though — I acted as if I thought it might be the night I wasn’t a gentleman — at the
Casino — it wasn’t the physical you that I really wanted! You didn’t have that to give me. You had
something else to give. You couldn’t name it and I couldn’t recognize it. I thought it was just a
Puritanical ice that glittered like flame. But now I believe it was flame, mistaken for ice. I still don’t
understand it, but I know it was there, just as I know that your eyes and your voice are the two
most beautiful things I’ve ever known — and also the warmest, although they don’t seem to be in
your body at all …
Don't give me your "Voice of God" speech. Papa, there was a time when you could have saved
me, by letting me marry a boy that was still young and clean, but instead you drove him away,
drove him out of St. Cloud. And when he came back, you took me out of St. Cloud, and tried to
force me to marry a fifty-year-old money bag that you wanted something out of- ... and then
another, another, all of them ones that you wanted something out of. I'd gone, so Chance went
away. Tried to compete, make himself big as these big-shots you wanted to use me for a bond
with. He went. He tried. The right doors wouldn't open, and so he went in the wrong ones, and -
Papa, you married for love, why wouldn't you let me do it, while I was still alive, inside, and the
Sweet Bird of Concord
Heavenly boy still clean, still decent? ... You married for love, but you wouldn't let me do it, and even though Tennessee Williams Female Drama Red-Light List
Youth Theatricals, Inc
you'd done it, you broke Mama's heart, Miss Lucy had been your mistress - ... Oh, Papa, she was
your mistress long before Mama died. And Mama was just a front for you. Can I go in now, Papa?
Can I go in now? ... Papa, I'm sorry my operation has brought this embarrassment on you, but
can you imagine it, Papa? I felt worse than embarrassed when I found out that Dr. Scudder's knife
had cut the youth out of my body, made me an old childless woman. Dry, cold, empty like an old
woman. I feel as if I ought to rattle like a dead dried-up vine when the Gulf Wind blows, but Papa -
I won't embarrass you any more. I've made up my mind about something. If they'll let me, accept
me, I'm going into a convent.
What a girl needs to get along is social training. I learned that from my sister Alva. She had a
wonderful popularity with the railroad men. Engineers, firemen, conductors. Even the freight
sup'rintendent. We run a boarding-house for railroad men. She was I guess you might say The
Main Attraction. Beautiful? Jesus, she looked like a movie star! You know where Alva is now?
She's in the bone-orchard. Bone-orchard, cemetery, graveyard! Don't you understand English?
We used to have some high old times in that big yellow house. Musical instruments going all of
the time. Piano, victrola, Hawaiian steel guitar. Everyone played on something. But now it's -
awful quiet. You don't hear a sound from there, do you? Mama run off with a brakeman on the C.
This Property is Concord
Willie & E. I. After that everything went to pieces. My old man got to drinking. Disappeared. I guess I Tennessee Williams Female Drama Red-Light List
Condemned Theatricals, Inc
ought to refer his case to the Bureau of Missing Persons. The same as he done with Mama when
she disappeared. Then there was me and Alva. Till Alva's lungs got affected. Did you see Greta
Garbo in Camille? It played at the Delta Brilliant one time las' spring. She had the same what Alva
died of. Lung affection. Only it was - very beautiful the way she had it. You know. Violins playing.
And loads and loads of white flowers. All of her lovers come back in a beautiful scene. But Alva's
all disappeared. Like rats from a sinking ship. That's how she used to describe it. Oh, it - wasn't
like death in the movies. When somebody does in the movies they play violins. Naw. Not even a
damn victrola.
I'm afraid I didn't take that too seriously. Not since I lived with my parents in New Rochelle, New
York, before I went to college, have I been told to be in at a certain hour, and even then I had my
own key and disregarded the order more often than not. However! I am going to tell you why and
where I've gone tonight. I have gone to the all-night drugstore, Waterbury's, on Canal Street, to
buy a spray can of Black Flag, which is an insect repellent. I took a cab there tonight and made
this purchase because, Mrs. Wire, when I opened the window without a screen in my room, a Concord
Vieux Carré Jane Tennessee Williams Female Drama Red-Light List
cockroach, a flying cockroach, flew right into my face and was followed by a squadron of others. Theatricals
Well! I do not have an Oriental, a Buddhistic tolerance for certain insects, least of all a cockroach,
and even less a flying one. Oh, I've learned to live reluctantly with the ordinary pedestrian kind of
cockroach, but to have one fly directly into my face almost gave me convulsions! Now as for the
window without a screen, if a screen has not been put in that window by tomorrow, I will buy one
for it myself and deduct the cost from next month's rent.
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I had no idea you were staying here! Not that it would have disturbed me in the slightest if I had
known. You see, until I met you, I had only ever experienced desire. Love, never. You made an
accusation and you must allow me the opportunity to defend myself! Now, I'm not going to deny
that I was aware of your beauty. But the point is this has nothing to do with your beauty. As I got
Les Liaisons to know you, I began to realize that beauty was the least of your qualities. I became fascinated by Concord
Valmont Christopher Hampton Male Drama
Dangereuses your goodness. I was drawn in by it. I didn't know what was happening to me. And it was only Theatricals, Inc
when I began to feel actual, physical pain every time you left the room that it dawned on me: I
was in love, for the first time in my life. I knew it was hopeless, but that didn't matter to me. And
it's not that I want to have you. All I want is to deserve you. Tell me what to do. Show me how to
behave. I'll do anything you say.
Me? ... Me? ... Me, I'm nothing. ... Me. When I was very small... we used to take our sleds out in
the wintertime and the only hills we had were the ice-covered stone steps of some houses down
the street. And we used to fill them in with snow and make them smooth and slide down them all
day.... and it was very dangerous you know.... far too steep and sure enough one day a kid
named Rufus came down too fast and hit the sidewalk... and we saw his face split open right
there in front of us... and I remember standing there looking at his bloody open face thinking that
A Raisin in the was the end of Rufus. But the ambulance came and they took him to the hospital they fixed the Concord
Beneatha Lorraine Hansbury Female Black Drama
Sun broken bones and they sewed it all up... and the next time I saw Rufus he just had a little line Theatricals, Inc
down the middle of his face... I never got over that. That that was what one person could do for
another, fix him up - sew up the problem, make him all right again. That was the most marvelous
thing in the world... I wanted to do that. I always thought it was the one concrete thing in the world
that a human being could do. Fix up the sick, you know- and make them whole again. This was
truly being God. No - I wanted to cure. It used to be so important to me. I wanted to cure. It used
to matter. I used to care. I mean about people and how their bodies hurt... I think I stopped.
Dad...you did it? You did it to the others? You sent out a hundred and twenty cracked engine-
heads and let those boys die! How could you do that? How? Dad...Dad, you killed twenty-one
men! You killed them, you murdered them. Explain it to me. Explain to me how you do it? What
did you do? Explain it to me or I will tear you to pieces! I want to know what you did, now what
did you do? You had a hundred and twenty cracked engine-heads, now what did you do? Why'd
you ship them out in the first place? If you knew they were cracked, then why didn't you tell them?
You knew they wouldn't hold up in the air. You knew that those planes would come crashing
down. Were you going to warn them not to use them? Why did you let them out of the factory?
All My Sons Chris You were afraid maybe! God in heaven, what kind of a man are you? Kids were hanging in the air Arthur Miller Male Dramatists Drama
by those heads. You knew that, and yet you did nothing about it! You did it for me? You wanted to
save the business for me? For me! Where do you live, where have you come from? For me! I was
dying every day and you were killing my boys and you did it for me? What do you think I was
thinking of, the business? Is that as far as your mind can see, the business? What is that, the
world-the business? What do you mean you did it for me? Don't you have a country? Don't you
live in the world? What are you? You're not even an animal, no animal kills his own, what are
you? What must I do to you? I ought to tear the tongue out of your mouth! What must I do? What
must I do, Jesus God, what must I do?
Now hear this, Willy, this is me. You know why I had no address for three months? I stole a suit in
Kansas City and I was in jail. I stole myself out of every good job since high school! And I never
got anywhere because you blew me so full of hot air I could never stand taking orders from
anybody! That’s whose fault it is! It’s about time you heard this! I had to be big shot boss in two
weeks, and I'm through with it! Willy! I ran down eleven flights with a pen in my hand today. And
suddenly I stopped, you hear me? And in the middle of that office building, do you hear this? I
stopped in the middle of that building and I saw—the sky. I saw the things that I love in this world.
The work and the food and time to sit and smoke. And I looked at the pen and said to myself, why
Death of a am I grabbing this? Why am I trying to become what I don't want to be? What am I doing in an
Biff Arthur Miller Male Dramatists Drama
Salesman office, making a contemptuous, begging fool of myself, when all I want is out there, waiting for me
the minute I say I know who I am! Why can't I say that, Willy? Pop! I'm a dime a dozen, and so
are you! I am not a leader of men, Willy, and neither are you. You were never anything but a hard
working drummer who landed in the ashcan like all the rest of them! I'm one dollar an hour, Willy!
I tried seven states and I couldn't raise it! A buck an hour! Do you gather my meaning? I'm not
bringing home prizes anymore, and you're going to stop waiting for me to bring them home! Pop,
I'm nothing! I'm nothing, Pop. can't you understand that? There’s no spite in it anymore. I'm just
what I am, that’s all. Will you let me go? Will you take that phoney dream and burn it before
something happens?
When I was a boy – eighteen, nineteen – I was already on the road. And there was a question in
my mind as to whether selling had a future for me. And I was almost decided to go, when I met a
salesman in the Parker house. His name was Dave Singleman. And he was forty-eight years old,
Death of a
Willy Loman and he'd drummed merchandise in thirty-one states. And when I saw that, I realized that selling Arthur Miller Male Dramatists Drama
Salesman
was the greatest career a man could want. ‘Cause what could be more satisfying than to be able
to go into twenty or thirty different cities, and pick up a phone, and be remembered and loved and
helped by so many different people?
It is no mouse no more. I forbid her go, and she raises up her chin like the daughter of a prince,
and says to me, "I must go to Salem, Goody Proctor, I am an official of the court! Ay, it is a proper
court they have now. They've sent four judges out of Boston, she says, weighty magistrates of the
General Court, and at the head sits Deputy Governor of the Province. There be fourteen people in
the jail now. And they'll be tried, and the court have the power to hang them too. The Deputy
The Crucible Elizabeth Arthur Miller Female Dramatists 1 2 Drama
Governor promise hangin' if they'll not confess, John. The town's gone wild, I think – Mary Warren
speaks of Abigail as though she were a saint, to hear her. She brings the other girls into the court,
and where she walks the crowd will part like the sea for Israel. And folks are brought before them,
and if Abigail scream and howl and fall to the floor – the person's clapped in the jail for bewitchin'
her. I think you must go to Salem, John. I think so. You must tell them it is a fraud.
We must all love each other now, Goody Proctor. Goody Osburn... will hang! But not Sarah Good.
For Sarah Good confessed, y'see. That she sometimes made a compact with Lucifer, and wrote
her name in his black book – with her blood – and bound herself to torment Christians till God's
thrown down ... and we all must worship Hell forevermore. In open court she near to choked us all
to death. She sent her spirit out. She tried to kill me many times, Goody Proctor! I never knew it
The Crucible Mary Warren before. I never knew anything before. When she come into the court I say to myself, I must not Arthur Miller Female Dramatists 1 2 Drama
accuse this woman, for she sleep in ditches, and so very old and poor... but then... then she sit
there, denying and denying, and I feel a misty coldness climbin' up my back, and the skin on my
skull begin to creep, and I feel a clamp around my neck and I cannot breath air; and then... I hear
a voice, a screamin' voice, and it were my voice... and all at once I remembered everything she
done to me!
When I had my girl, I ‘member I said I'd love it no matter what it looked like. I went to the hospital
when my time come. didn't want to have it at home. They put me in a big room with a whole mess
of women. The pains was coming, but not too bad. The doctors come to examine me. One old
doctor was learning the young ones about babies. When he got to me he said, now these here
women you don't have any trouble with. They deliver right away with no pain. Just like horses.
Only one of the doctor students ever looked at me, looked in my eyes. I looked right back at him.
He dropped his eyes and turned red. He knowed, I reckon, that maybe I weren't no horse foaling.
I see'd them doctors talking to them white women: “How you feel? Gonna have twins?” Nice
friendly talk. When them pains got harder I moaned something awful. They wasn't as bad as I let
on, but I had to let them people know having a baby was more than a bowel movement. I hurt just Dramatic
The Bluest Eye Mrs. Breedlove Toni Morrisson Female African American Drama Adapted by Lydia Diamond
like them white women. Just ‘cause I wasn't hooping and hollering didn't mean I wasn't feeling Publishing
pain. They think just ‘cause I knowed how to have a baby with no fuss that my behind wasn't
pulling and aching like theirs? Besides, that doctor don't know what he talking about. He must
never seed no mare foal. Who say they can't have no pain? Just ‘cause she don't cry? ‘Cause
she caint say it, they think it ain't there? If they look in her eyes and see them eyeballs lolling
back, see the sorrowful look, they'd know. Anyways the baby come. She was a big ole healthy
baby. All big brown eyes and hair. A right smart baby she was. I used to like to watch her nurse.
You know they makes them greedy sounds when they nurse. Eyes all soft and wet, like a cross
between a puppy and a dying man. But I knowed she was ugly, head full of pretty hair, but Lord
she was ugly.
I live here too! I ain't scared of you. I was walking by you to go into the house cause you sitting on
the steps drunk, singing to yourself. I ain't got to say excuse me to you. You don't count around
here any more. Now why don't you just get out my way? You talking about what you did for me...
what’d you ever give me? All you ever did was try and make me scared of you. I used to tremble
every time you called my name. Every time I heard your footsteps in the house. Wondering all the Concord
Fences Cory Maxson August Wilson Male African American Drama
time... what’s Papa gonna say if I do this? What’s he gonna say if I do that? What’s he gonna say Theatricals, Inc
if I turn on the radio? And Mama, too... she tries... but she’s scared of you. I don't know how she
stand you... after what you did to her. What you gonna do... give me a whupping? You can't whup
me no more. you're too old. you're just an old man. You crazy. You know that? You just a crazy
old man... talking about I got the devil in me. Come on... put me out. I ain't scared of you.
You can't be nobody but who you are, Cory. That shadow wasn't nothing but you growing into
yourself. You either got to grow into it or cut it down to fit you. But that's all you got to make life
with. That's all you got to measure yourself against that world out there. Your daddy wanted you
to be everything he wasn't ... and at the same time he tried to make you into everything he was. I
don't know if he was right or wrong ... but I do know he meant to do more good than he meant to
do harm. He wasn't always right. Sometimes when he touched he bruised. And sometimes when
he took me in his arms he cut. When I first met your daddy I thought ... Here is a man I can lay
down with and make a baby. That's the first thing I thought when I seen him. I was thirty years old
and had done seen my share of men. But when he walked up to me and said, “I can dance a
waltz that'll make you dizzy," I thought, Rose Lee, here is a man that you can open yourself up to
and be filled to bursting. Here is a man that can fill all them empty spaces you been tipping
around the edges of. One of them empty spaces was being somebody's mother. I married your
Concord
Fences Rose Maxson daddy and settled down to cooking his supper and keeping clean sheets on the bed. When your August Wilson Female African American Drama
Theatricals, Inc
daddy walked through the house he was so big he filled it up. That was my first mistake. Not to
make him leave some room for me. For my part in the matter. But at that time I wanted that. I
wanted a house that I could sing in. And that's what your daddy gave me. I didn't know to keep up
his strength I had to give up little pieces of mine. I did that. I took on his life as mine and mixed up
the pieces so that you couldn't hardly tell which was which anymore. It was my choice. It was my
life and I didn't have to live it like that. But that's what life offered me in the way of being a woman
and I took it. I grabbed hold of it with both hands. By the time Raynell came into the house, me
and your daddy had done lost touch with one another. I didn't want to make my blessing off of
nobody's misfortune but I took on to Raynell like she was all them babies I had wanted and never
had. Like I'd been blessed to relive a part of my life. And if the Lord see fit to keep up my
strength... I'm gonna do her just like your daddy did you... I'm gonna give her the best of what's in
me.
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Set your heart at rest: the fairy land buys not the child of me. His mother was a votaress of my
order: and, in the spiced Indian air, by night, full often hath she gossip'd by my side, and sat with
me on Neptune's yellow sands, marking the embarked traders on the flood, when we have
A Midsummer laugh'd to see the sails conceive and grow big-bellied with the wanton wind; which she, with pretty Classical
Titania William Shakespeare Female Public Domain 2 1
Night's Dream and with swimming gait following – her womb then rich with my young squire – would imitate, and (Verse)
sail upon the land, to fetch me trifles, and return again, as from a voyage, rich with merchandise.
But she, being mortal, of that boy did die; and for her sake do I rear up her boy, and for her sake I
will not part with him.
Lo, she is one of this confederacy! Now I perceive they have conjoin'd all three to fashion this
false sport, in spite of me. Injurious Hermia! Most ungrateful maid! Have you conspired, have you
with these contrived to bait me with this foul derision? Is all the counsel that we two have shared,
the sisters' vows, the hours that we have spent when we have chid the hasty-footed time for
parting us, –O, is all forgot? All school-days' friendship, childhood innocense? We, Hermia, like
two artificial gods, have with our needles created both one flower, both on one sampler, sitting on
A Midsummer Classical
Helena one cushion, both warbling of one song, both in one key, as if ou rhands, our sides, voices and William Shakespeare Female Public Domain 3 2
Night's Dream (Verse)
minds, had been in corporate. So we grow together, like to a double cherry, seeming parted, but
yet a union in partition; two lovely berries moulded on on stem. So, with two seeming bodies, but
one heart, two of the first, like coats in heraldry, due but to one and crowned with one crest. And
will you rent our ancient love asunder, to join with men in scorning your poor friend? It is not
friendly, 'tis not maidenly: our sex, as well as I, may chide you for it, though I alone do feel the
injury.
O spite! O hell! I see you all are bent to set against me for your merriment: If you were civil and
knew courtesy, you would not do me thus much injury. Can you not hate me, as I know you do,
but you must join in souls to mock me, too? If you were men, as men you are in show, you would
A Midsummer not use a gentle lady so; to vow, and swear, and superpraise my parts, when I am sure you hate Classical
Helena William Shakespeare Female Public Domain 3 2
Night's Dream me with your hearts. You both are rivals, and love Hermia; and now both rivals, to mock Helena: (Verse)
A trim exploit, a manly enterprise, to conjure tears up in a poor maid's eyes with your derision!
None of noble sort would so offend a virgin, and extort a poor soul's patience, all to make you
sport.
My lord, fair Helen told me of their stealth, of this their purpose hither to this wood; and I in fury
hither follow'd them, fair Helena in fancy following me. But my good lord, I wot not my what power
– but my some power it is – my love to Hermia, melted as the snow, seems to me now as the
A Midsummer Classical
Demetrius remembrance of an idle gaud which in my childhood I did dote upon; and all the faith, the virtue of William Shakespeare Male Public Domain 4 1
Night's Dream (Verse)
my heart, the object and the pleasure of mine eye, is only Helena. To her, my lord, was I betroth'd
ere I saw Hermia; but like a sickness did I loathe this food: but as in health, come to my natural
taste, now I do wish it, love it, long for it, and will for evermore be true to it.
When my cue comes, call me and I will answer. My next is "Most fair Pyramus". Heigh-ho! Peter
Quince? Flute, the bellows-mender? Snout, the tinker? Starveling? God's my life! Stolen hence,
and left me asleep! I have had a most rare vision. I have had a dream, past the wit of man to say
what dream it was. Man is but an ass if he go about to expound this dream. Methought I was
A Midsummer – there is no man can tell what. Me thought I was – and methought I had – but man is but a Classical
Bottom William Shakespeare Male Public Domain 4 1
Night's Dream patched fool if he will offer to say what methought I had. The eye of man hath not heard, the ear (Prose)
of man hath not seen, man's hand is not able to taste, his tongue to conveive, nor his heart to
report, what my dream was. I will get Peter Quince to write a ballad of this dream: it shall be
called "Bottom's Dream", because it hath no bottom; and I will sing it in the latter end of a play,
before the Duke. Peradventure, to make it more gracious, I shall sing it at her death.
Where are these lads? Where are these hearts? Masters, I am to discourse wonders: but ask me
not what; for if I tell you, I am not true Athenian. I will tell you everything, right as it fell out. Not a
word of me. All that I will tell you is, that the good Duke hath dined. Get your apparel together,
A Midsummer good strings to your beards, new ribbons to your pumps; meet presently at the palace; every man Classical
Bottom William Shakespeare Male Public Domain 4 2
Night's Dream look o'er his part: for the short and the long is, our play is preferred. In any case, let Thisbe have (Prose)
clean linen; and let not him that plays the lion pare his nails, for they shall hang out for the lion's
claws. And most dear actors, eat no onions nor garlic, for we are to utter sweet breath; and I do
not doubt but to hear them say, it is a weet comedy. No more words. Away! Go, away!
Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounced it to you, trippingly on the tongue: but if you mouth
it, as many of your players do, I would as lief the town-crier spoke my lines. Nor do not saw the air
Classical
Hamlet Hamlet too much with your hand, thus, but use all gently; for in the very torrent, tempest, and, as I may William Shakespeare Male Public Domain 3 2
(Verse)
say, the whirlwind of passion, you must acquire and beget a temperance that may give it
smoothness.
There is a willow grows aslant a brook, that shows his hoar leaves in the glassy stream. There
with fantastic garlands did she come of crow-flowers, nettles, daisies, and long purples that liberal
shepherds give a grosser name, but our cold maids do dead men's fingers call them. There, on
Classical
Hamlet Gertrude the pendent boughs her cornet weeds clambering to hang, and envious sliver broke; when down William Shakespeare Female Public Domain 4 7
(Verse)
her weedy trophies and herself fell in the weeping brook. Her clothes spread wide, and, mermaid-
like, awhile they bore her up; which time she chanted snatches of old tunes, as one incapable of
her own distress, or like a creature native and indued unto that element.
Enforced thee! art thou king, and wilt be forced? I shame to hear thee speak. Ah, timorous
wretch! Thou hast undone thyself, thy son and me; and given unto the house of York such head
as thou shalt reign but by their sufferance. To entail him and his heirs unto the crown, what is it,
but to make thy sepulcher and creep into it far before thy time? Warwick is chancellor and the lord
of Calais; Stern Falconbridge commands the narrow seas; the Duke is made protector of the
realm; and yet shalt thou be safe? Such safety finds the trembling lamb environed with wolves.
Queen Classical
King Henry XI Had I been there, which am a silly woman, the soldiers should have toss'd me on their pikes William Shakespeare Female Public Domain 1 1
Margaret (Verse)
before I would have granted to that act. But thou preferr'st thy life before thine honour: And seeing
thou dost, I here divorce myself both from thy table, Henry, and thy bed, until that act of
parliament be repeal'd whereby my son is disinherited. The northern lords that have forsworn thy
colours will follow mine, if once they see them spread; and spread they shall be, to thy foul
disgrace and utter ruin of the house of York. Thus do I leave thee. Come, son, let's away; our
army is ready; come, we'll after them.
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last
syllable of recorded time; and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death. Out,
Classical
Macbeth Macbeth out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the William Shakespeare Male Public Domain 5 5
(Verse)
stage, and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying
nothing.
The clock struck nine when I did send the Nurse; in half an hour she promised to return.
Perchance she cannot meet him. That's not so. O, she is lame! Love's heralds should be
thoughts, which ten times faster glides than the sun's beams, driving back shadows over louring
hills. Therefore do nimble-pinion'd doves draw love, and therefore hath the wind-swift Cupid
Classical
Romeo and Juliet Juliet wings. Now is the sun upon the highmost hill of this day's journey, and from nine till twelve is William Shakespeare Female Public Domain 2 5
(Verse)
three long hours, yet she is not come. Had she affections and warm youthful blookd, she would
be as swift in motion as a ball; my words would bandy her to my sweet love, and his to me. But
old folks, many feign as they were dead, unwieldy, slow, heavy and pale as lead. O God, she
comes. O honey Nurse, what news? Hast thou met with him? Send thy man away.
Gallop apace, you fiery-footed steeds, towards Phoebus' lodging. Such a wagoner as Phaeton
would whip you to the west and bring in cloudy night immediately. Spread thy close curtain, love-
performing night, that runaways' eyes may wink, and Romeo leap to these arms, untalk'd of and
unseen. Lovers can see to do their amorous rites by their own beauties; or if love be blind, it best
agrees with night. Come, come civil night, thou sober-suited matron all in black, and learn me
how to lose a winning match, played for a pair of stainless maidenhoods. Hood my unmann'd
blood, bating in my cheeks, with thy black mantle, till strange love grow bold, think true love acted Classical
Romeo and Juliet Juliet William Shakespeare Female Public Domain 3 2
simple modesty. Come, night, come, Romeo, come, thou day in night, for thou wilt lie upon the (Verse)
wings of night whiter than new snow upon a raven's back. Come, gentle night, come, loving black-
brow'd night, give me my Romeo, and when I shall die take him and cut him out in little stars, and
he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will be in love with night and pay no
workshop to the garish sun. O, I have bought the mansion of a love but not possess'd it, and
though I am sold, not yet enjoyed. So tedious is this day as is the night before some festival to an
impatient child that hath new robes and may not wear them.
O, shut the door, and when thou hast done so, come weep with me, past hope, past cure, past
help. Tell me not, Friar, that thou hearest of this, unless thou tell me how I may prevent it. If in thy
wisdom thou canst give no help, do thou but call my resolution wise, (showing her knife) and with
this knife I'll help it presently. God join'd my heart and Romeo's, thou our hands; and ere this
hand, by thee to Romeo's seal'd, shall be the label to another deed, or my true heart with
treacherous revolt, turn to another, this shall slay them both. Therefore, out of thy long-
experienc'd time give me some present counsel, or behold, 'twixt my extremes and me this bloody
Classical
Romeo and Juliet Juliet knife shall play the umpire, arbitrating that which the commission of thy years and art could to no William Shakespeare Female Public Domain 4 1
(Verse)
issue of true honor bring. Be not long to speak. I long to die, if what thou speak'st speak not of
remedy. O bid me leap, rather than marry Paris, from off the battlements of any tower, or walk in
thievish ways, or bid me lurk where serpents are. Chain me with roaring bears, or hide me nightly
in a charnel-house, o'ercovered quite with dead men's rattling bones, with reeky shanks and
yellow chapless skulls; or bid me go into a new-made grave, and hide me with a dead man in his
shroud, things that, to hear them told, have made me tremble, and I will do it without fear or
doubt, to live an unstain'd wife to my sweet love.
I have a faint cold fear thrills through my veins, that almost freezes up the heat of life. I'll call them
back again to comfort me. Nurse! - What should she do here? My dismal scene I needs must act
alone. Come, vial. What if this mixture do not work at all? Shall I be married then tomorrow
morning? No, no! This shall forbid it. Lie thou there. (Lays down a knife.) What if it be a poison
which the Friar subtly hath minister'd to have me dead, lest in this marriage he should be
dishonor'd, because he married me before to Romeo? I fear it is, and yet methinks it should not,
for he hath still been tried a holy man. How if, when I am laid into the tomb, I wake before the time
that Romeo come to redeem me? There's a fearful point. Shall I not then be stifl'd in the vault, to
whose foul mouth no healthsome air breathes in, and there die strangl'd ere my Romeo comes?
Or if I live, is it not very like the horrible conceit of death and night, together with the terror of the Classical
Romeo and Juliet Juliet William Shakespeare Female Public Domain 4 3
place, as in a vault, an acient receptacle where for this many hundred years the bones of all my (Verse)
buried ancestors are pack'd, where bloody Tybalt, yet but green in earth, lies festering in his
shroud, where, as they say, at some hours in the night spirits resort - Alack, alack, is it not like
that I, so early waking, what with loathsome smells, and shrieks like mandrakes torn out of the
earth, that living mortals, hearing them, run mad - O, if I wake, shall I not be distraught, environèd
with all these hideous fears, and madly play with my forefathers' joints, and puck the mangl'd
Tybalt from his shroud and, in this rage, with some great kinsman's bone, as with a club, dash out
my desperate brains? O, look, methinks I see my cousin's ghost seeking out Romeo that did spit
his body upon a rapier's point. Stay, Tybalt, stay! Romeo, Romeo, Romeo, here's drink. I drink to
thee.
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The other night I dreamt my father was inside a baked potato. isn't that strange? I was very
startled to see him there, and I started to be afraid other people would see where my father was,
and how small he was, so I kept trying to close the baked potato, but I guess the potato was hot,
cause he'd start to cry when I'd shut the baked potato, so then I didn't know what to do. I thought
of sending the whole plate back to the kitchen – tell the cook there’s a person in my baked potato This monologue always shows up when casting
Laughing Wild Man – but then I felt such guilt at deserting my father that I just sat there at the table and cried. Then Christopher Durang Dramatists Male Comedy directors and college reps are asked what
the waiter brought dessert, which was devil’s food cake with mocha icing, and I ate that. Then I monologues are overdone.
woke up, very hungry. I told my therapist about the dream, and he said my father cried because
he was unhappy, and that I dreamt about the cake because I was hungry. I think my therapist is
an idiot. Maybe I should just have gurus. Or find a nutritionist. But what I'm doing now isn't
working.
I tried to buy a can of tuna fish in the supermarket, and there was this person standing right in
front of where I wanted to reach out to get the tuna fish, and I waited a while, to see if they'd
move, and they didn't—they were looking at tuna fish too, but they were taking a real long time on
it, reading the ingredients on each can like they were a book; so I waited a long time, and they
This monologue always shows up when casting
didn't move, and I couldn't get to the tuna fish cans; and I thought about asking them to move, but
Laughing Wild Woman Christopher Durang Dramatists Female Comedy directors and college reps are asked what
then they seemed so stupid not to have sensed that I needed to get by them. And so then I
monologues are overdone.
started to cry out of frustration, quietly, so as not to disturb anyone, and still, even though I was
softly sobbing, this stupid person didn't grasp that I needed to get by them to reach the tuna fish,
and so I reached over with my fist, and I brought it down real hard on his head and I screamed:
“Would you kindly move, jerk!!!”
I ate them. That’s right. I ate the divorce papers, Charles. I ate them with ketchup. And they were
good...goooood. You probably want me to get serious about our divorce. The thing is you always
called our marriage a joke. So let’s use logic here: If A we never had a serious marriage then B
we can’t have a serious divorce. No. We can’t. The whole thing’s a farce, Charles – a farce that
tastes good with ketchup. I mean, wasn’t it last week, your dad asked you the reason you walked
down that aisle with me, and you said “for the exercise.” Ha, ha. That’s funny. You’re a funny guy,
Charles. I’m laughing, not a crying. Ha, ha. I’m laughing because you’re about to give up on a
woman who is infinitely lovable. For instance: Paul. He has loved me since the eighth grade.
Sure, he’s a little creepy, but he reeeeally loves me. He’s made one hundred twenty seven
passes at me, proposed forty seven times, and sent me over two hundred original love sonnets.
He sees something in me, Charles. And he writes it down, in metered verse! And that’s not This monologue is overdone and does not come
Goodbye Charles something you just find everyday. Someone who really loves everything about who you are as a Gabriel Davis Unclear Female from a play held by one of the major publishing
person. Paul may be insane, but I value his feelings for me. I would never ask him to sign his houses.
name to a piece of paper promising to just turn off his feelings for me forever. But that’s what you’
re asking me to do, for you. To sign away my right to...to that sweet voice Charles, those baby
brown eyes, the way your hands feel through my hair before bed... Those aren’t things I want to
lose. In fact, I won’t lose them. I won’t lose you. I’ll woo you. I’ve written you a sonnet. “Shall I
compare thee to a summer’s day. Thou art more lovely and more temperate, rough winds do
shake the darling buds of may and...” I’m not crying. I’m laughing. It’s all a big joke. It’s very
funny, Charles. I keep waiting for you to say “April Fools.” Then I’ll rush into your arms and... But
you’re not going to, are you? No. Of course not. It’s not April. I, I didn’t really write that sonnet,
you know. Paul did. I think it’s good. You see, the truth...the truth is, Charles, I ate the divorce
papers, I ate them, because I can’t stomach the thought of losing you.
Mom, I can’t do anything. No, Mom, please! I have to say this. I can’t go outside these walls.
There’s just too much pain! I can feel everyone staring at me– staring at this. The noise it makes,
it’s just so loud! That’s why I dropped out of high school! I felt everyone’s eyes staring at me,
heard all the giggles they tried to suppress as I clomped and limped down the hall. Especially
when I would enter the choir room! Jim would never want to be around me again. Sure, we talked
sometimes, but he wouldn’t want to be around me any more than those few occasions - not
around the limping girl who makes such a racket! Nobody would want to be near me. So I tuned
out from the rest of the world before it could cause me any more pain than I have already This monologue IS NOT IN THE GLASS
suffered. And it seems that whatever crippled my leg– yes, Mom, you might as well admit that I’m MENAGERIE. It is some sort of fanfiction, but we
The Glass crippled! – has crippled the rest of my being throughout time. It seems I just got worse and worse haven't been able to find the actual source
Laura Tennessee? Williams? Unclear Female X X Drama
Menagerie? at school. And then at business college, in that confined typing room, that quick clacking of material. It tends to pop up when we search for
keyboards surrounded me as I stumbled and fat-fingered all the letters. It felt as if the professor Tennessee Williams monologues or Glass
was breathing down my neck, silently mocking me as I continued to fail. Until finally, all that Menagerie monologues, but it's a trap.
pressure poured out of me - and into a toilet. Mom, secluded from the world in this home listening
to phonograph records and dusting my glass collection – this is where I belong! I fail everywhere
else in the outside world. Here, there’s nothing to fail at! I’ll never succeed at finding a husband or
a job, so I might as well give up trying now and just be content in my bubble with at least having
no additional failure for the rest of my life! I can’t see Jim! It would only result in the ultimate
failure – rejection from the only person I have ever loved! Mom, I can’t! Just have dinner without
me. Please, Mom.
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