The Art of Deception

1.Is “honesty is the best policy” becoming more of a cliché?

“Honesty is the best policy” is now become more cliche. Human beings in contemporary times
have become a victim or conditioned individuals of all sorts of manipulation. Politicians,
businessmen, and the corporate world are using sentences very wisely. Lying has become so
common, that it is something promoted rather than inhibited.
In the long run, though, honesty is the best policy because people can lie all around, but at one
point in time, they must cover up their lies. This can become mentally exhausting and stressful.
The interpersonal relationship's foundation is honesty and trust. Research says that life is full of
struggle for the people who choose the path of truth and honesty, but in the end, they do justice to
their actions and people around. Justice, equity, equality comes from honesty rather than
dishonesty.

2.What does it truly mean to be honest these days?

Being honest means to speak the truth in front of other people keeping in mind the consequences.
Honesty does not mean that you “spill your guts” and share everything you feel or think. It
simply means that when you act, you act with integrity and truth. You have confidence in your
good judgment about when to speak up and when to be silent. Showing honesty has the best
results than being dishonest because dishonesty and lies goes on for long time until the truth is
being said which creates more mess in the end.

3.Do we sometimes lie to “save face?”

Yes, we sometimes lie to save face. When we lie someone to save face, at that moment we saved
but it goes long run. In order to cover that lie, we tend to lie again and end up stacking up lies
which blast in the end with bigger consequences. So, as per my view, telling the truth before it is
too late would be better option than stacking up lies and creating a big problem in the end.

4.Why do we lie to protect others/ourselves?

We lie to save face, to avoid hurting other people’s feelings, to impress others, to shirk
responsibility, to hide misdeeds, as a social lubricant, to prevent conflict, to get out of work, and
many more reasons.

5.Why do we lie about who we really are?

If we have any weaknesses and we do not want other to know about it because of the feeling that
others might laugh at us., we tend to lie about who we really are. Even If they don’t laugh in front
of us, they might talk or laugh behind our back. That is the reason we lie about who we really are.

6.Is the craft of acting considered deceptive communication? Why?

I think acting is still considered deceptive communication, nevertheless, it does not harm the
people around it. If you know how to use it, it could help humble and shy people overcome
feelings of awkwardness when speaking in public, when negotiating, or simply communicating
with other people. You can correctly learn to apply acting in life, not in order to deceive other
people, but in order to feel confident and comfortable in any, even difficult situation.

7.Why do we practice the art of deception?

1. Personal gain
2. Material gain
3. Is a motive always prevalent? Is it still a lie without the presence of a motive?
a. Lies has meaning for them

People around do not understand why they lie even in small things. In fact, these little things are
important to those who lie. They have a different perception of the world and a different value
system. What matters to them is that which is not important to the majority.

b. When they speak the truth, they feel that they lose control of the situation

Sometimes such people lie to influence others. They are confident that their deception sounds
more convincing than the truth and allows them to control the situation.

c. They don't want to feel unlikable

They lie because they are afraid of the disapproval of others. Liars want to be appreciated and
loved, to be admired. They fear that the truth does not look very attractive and, having learned it,
friends may turn away from them, relatives will begin to feel ashamed, and the boss will not
entrust an important project.

d. Starting to lie, they cannot stop

Lies are like a snowball: one clings to the other. The more they lie, the harder it becomes for them
to start telling the truth. Life becomes like a house of cards - if you remove even one card, it will
collapse. At some point, they start lying to reinforce past lies.

Pathological liars are sure that as soon as they confess one episode, it turns out that they told a lie
before. Fearing exposure, they continue to deceive even where they do not need to.

e. Sometimes they don't even understand what are lying

In a stressful situation, people do not think about trifles, because first of all it is important to save
yourself. And they include a survival mode in which they are not fully aware of what they are
saying or doing. And they truly believe in their own words.

People believe in what did not exist, if it is convenient for them. And after the danger has passed,
they do not remember what they said under the influence of stress.

f. They want their lies to be true

Sometimes liars take wishful thinking. It seems to them that dreams can become reality if they
pretend a little. They will become richer if they start to splurge and talk about their mythical
fortune or their millionaire grandfather who will leave them a will.
8.What is the difference between a high stakes, middle stakes and low stakes lie?
Note:Penalties for high stakes lies include: jail, fines, loss of relationship, loss of job and loss of
credibility

Penalty for low stakes lie: emotional discomfort

Low stakes lies are typically designed to “protect” the others feelings
Answer-
Low stake lies are simple lies and these are the lies that individual get away with most often. The
reason for this is the amount of strain these lies put on the liar. A perfect example of a low stake
lie would be lying about a favorite color. No real repercussions will come from this lie. When a
low stake lie is told, the speaker has nothing to truly loss or gain from the statement. Due to the
lack of punishment or gain there is no real stress put on the individual so they are less likely to
give away any nonverbal signs of lying. This does not mean; however, it does not happen. Low
stake lies may also include a child lying about eating a cookie before dinner. They do not have
much to gain or lose from eating the cookie, perhaps a scolding. With some children, however,
the knowledge that they got away with their lie shows. Some giggle or smile and give themselves
away.
Middle-stakes lies: Lies for which the penalty of getting caught is more severe than feeling
emotional discomfort, but not of the same destructive power as high-stakes lies.
High stake lies, on the other hand, are lies told that hold severe consequences for the liar. In these
situations, the liar stands to lose or gain in a physical, emotional, psychological, or even financial
way. These high stakes lie are the ones usually though of during high profile trials. A perfect
example of a high-stake lie is a murderer denying his crime. This individual has everything to
lose, mainly his freedom. The complexity of these lies hits a much different level than those in the
low stakes category. These lies must be precise, believable, and easy to remember so that they
will not be confused in the future. The pressure from these lies is more likely to 'leak' through an
individual's nonverbal communication more than a low stake lies. There are many, however, who
get away with these lies. These are successful liars who have taught themselves to be confident,
to control their behavior, and in some cases that their lies are the truth.

9.Can the discovery of a low stakes lie in fact lead to high consequences that go beyond the
premise of emotional discomfort? Why?
People tend to lie to loved ones or keep silent about something (which in some cases is the same
thing) when it comes to something very close and very important to the interlocutor. For example,
when it comes to his child. Well, most of us probably don’t think of telling our parents how we
really see their child, knowing that we will hurt. Probably not necessary. There are problems with
creative people, we always try very carefully to evaluate the creativity of a person close to us -
probably, there are also omissions here, and, probably, sometimes too. Or about a person's
appearance. Or a new purchase that just happened and a friend asks you to rate it. Well, he has
already bought this thing, and, of course, the language does not dare to say that "you know, you
can't wear this at all."

10.If you alter your behavior to satisfy a particular environment (as a high self-monitor would), is
it considered a form of deception?
Altering behavior to satisfy a particular environment will not be counted under a form of
deception. This is because human being alters their behavior not to deceive nut get social
approval and many behaviors are associated with a particular social setting depending upon the
requirement of the situations. For example, when an individual is with his or her peers, they are
open to mocking and reciprocate with a laugh whereas in case someone is with their
acquaintances, they follow a formal code verbally and non-verbally as well.

11. If the sender of a message is unsure whether their message is true or not, can it still qualify as
deception? Ex. If in an interview, the question is asked “do you consider yourself to be a
philanthropist, (though you’re unsure about what a philanthropist is) and you say no, (even
though you are a philanthropist by definition), rather than saying “I’m not familiar with the term,”
are you engaging in deceptive communication?
I think we should be able to say this “I’m not familiar with the term” otherwise we are deceptive
communication. If we say yes or no without understanding the question, there may be future
problems. People perceive not knowing something as a wrong thing, but the main wrong is not to
learn. We do not have to know everything.

12. Is it really impossible for us to deceive ourselves? If we think about something long and hard
enough, we tend to believe it. But do we really know the truth, yet fail to acknowledge it?
If we insist on lie too much, after a while we can start to believe that lie is not a lie anymore.
That’s why we can deceive ourselves. But it doesn’t mean we are truly believing that lie. We
know that a lie told somewhere inside of us is a lie, but we cannot accept that is a lie.

13. Once we begin to deny the lie and accept it as the truth, is it now recognized as true to us?
It's hard to admit a lie right away. After lying, it is necessary to insist on the lie told to be
recognized as true to us. We need to repeat and convince ourselves on the lie we tell. Telling the
same lie over and over again creates the belief that that lie is true.

14. How are we deceptive nonverbally?

Movement: Experts believe that if you want to know if someone is telling the truth, you think
about nothing but what they are doing with their hands, arms and legs. If someone is caught
telling a lie, they may play with their mustache, put their hands in their pockets, or tap their feet
repeatedly.
Dressing: People who have been lied to at work (or elsewhere) may suddenly become
preoccupied with their clothes. If someone is constantly tugging at the sleeves of their shirt or
rubbing a dirty spot on their pants while talking to you, these may be signs that they are less than
likely to be with you.
Personal space: Imagine for a moment that you are deceiving. If you're lying to your boss about
how long your lunch break is and he's one step closer to you from his seat, you may throw your
legs away from the person or step back or bend over if you're lying.
Artifacts: These are personal items that may seem innocuous enough, but can actually be used as
a tool to deceive unfamiliar participants. For example, an office filled with a lot of religious trivia
may appear to be a deeply religious and honest employee. But these can actually act as a
smokescreen for a person's deceptive behavior.

15. Which do you think bears the greatest impact, verbal or nonverbal deception?
I think greatest impact is nonverbal deceptions because nonverbal deceptions settle in the
subconscious of the other person. Showing things is more effective than saying things. People can
manipulate more easily with seeing things than hearing.
16.When we try to live a certain lifestyle that is not indicative of our true self, are we being
deceptive to others and/or ourselves, or are we simply trying to redefine who we are?
Answer- We are trying to redefine who we are.

17.Is deception a necessary component or balance in our lives?

It's balance in our lives. We sometimes deceiving becomes necessary if it means to balance our
lives.

18.Can we live without deception? Why?

Yes. Because not deceiving ourselves and others will be very hard and may be hurt at first but
after it would only make our lives better, happy, and satisfied.

19.How do we use deception as a tool for maintaining social harmony- or being polite?
We use deception as a tool for maintaining social harmony. If deceiving and lying bring peace an
harmony in the society then sometimes it is a good thing.

20.Is wearing makeup, wigs or any other artifact to cover what we really look like a form of
nonverbal deception?
No, you still look like who you are.

21.Is there a better way of telling someone you dated that you don’t want to see them again
saying “I had fun, we should do this again,” if that’s not the truth?
Give her a clear and kind rejection. It will feel somewhat uncomfortable for you, especially if you
are not used to rejecting people explicitly. But clarity is by far the kindest way of solving this
situation. Giving cues to other people on how you feel about them, is not a reliable way of
communicating. The more explicit you can get about your needs, wants and boundaries, the easier
it will be to connect to people, without false expectations in any direction. I know, it would be
convenient if she just understood what it is you want, from reading your behaviour and your body
language. It might feel to you, like you are being loud and clear about not being that into her. But
to her, it probably looks like mixed signals, and in the absence of a proper rejection, you are
allowing her to keep hoping, that those ambiguities she is picking up, might be interest. That
maybe you just need time to warm up to her etc. Tell her sooner, rather than later, that you are not
interested.

22.Is there a more welcoming solution that will be less likely to hurt the receiver of the messages
feelings?
If it is something being asked of you and you do not want to do it, then politely tell the person
that although you sympathize, it is not something you do and hope they find a suitable solution.
You are right, it is not what you say, but how you deliver it. So, always lead by being
compassionate, but also remember to be honest. If it feels uncomfortable, be honest enough to say
it. Say it with kindness. Tell them, you hope they find a solution to the problem but reiterate that
you can not provide it. You give no indication of the problem which might require you to say no,
so hope this helps. It would work the same if someone requested something of yours such as
money or something else. In that case, tell the person you sympathize, but your experience is to
not loan whatever it is to others so that you can keep your friends or family and still wish them
well.

23.Could the complete undeniable truth tear apart the fabric of many, if not all interpersonal
relationships? How?
Depends on the other… If that person is authentic or superficial will impact the reception of such
honest relationships. In other words, many peoples want to believe to be happy, rather than really
be happy. Because it's much easier to lie about it than really finding happiness. It’s why most
relationships starts strong but wither very quickly after the first few months or when they start to
live together (leaving no room to conceal the real self from the other) So in essence, only a couple
who believe in authenticity will accept honesty from their partner… As so many just stay silent,
playing a role to please the other, instead of being real. This is so because love hurt as well as
rejection. So no one like to be rejected, as such playing a role rather than being authentic offers a
protective shield against the others.

24.Deception is like bacteria- sometimes it is undeniably/inevitably necessary for true co-

existence. Is it therefore deemed impolite and lacking social skill to be brutally honest, having no
remorse nor concern for the other person’s feelings?
It really depends on context. In some cases “brutal honesty” is when someone tells you something
you don’t want to hear and have convinced yourself isn’t so, knowing that it’s going to upset you,
but tells you anyway because you need to hear it. In other cases “brutal honesty” is what jerks call
it when they say cruel things that they’ve convinced themselves are true and that you need to
hear. The trick is in knowing which is which. Fundamentally, facts don’t care about your feelings.
But you can tell people facts without being cruel. It’s just that sometimes they’ll interpret hearing
anything they don’t want to as cruelty. So what’s wrong with brutal honesty is that sometimes
dishonest people are cruel and hide behind calling it brutal honesty.

25.Is it more narcissistic to be brutally honest than a blatant liar?

I think it depends, having said that what I mean is it depends on what context the person is being
brutally honest or being a blatant liar. Because sometimes being brutally honest is the only way to
make people understand something and in such cases, we cannot comment wheather the person is
inclined towards narcissism or not similarly a blatant liar may or may not be a narcissist. The
whole thing depends on why the person chose to be a blatant liar or to be brutally honest in the
first place. Also, we need to understand that there is a fine line between being self centred and
being a narcissist. If a person is used to lies and believes in his/her own lies to be truth than
definitely he/she is inclined towards narcissism for this to be confirmed, we need to actually
understand the reason behind lies and the extreme to which the person is used to lies.

26.What platform of communication deception most common? Why?

Ex. Telephone, face to face, internet, or all Computer mediated communication devices
The most common form of communication deception is face to face interaction. For most, it’s
hard to tell the truth to someone in their face. When knowing that it could break that relationship.

27.What do men typically lie about? Women?

Men mostly lie to females because they know the truth will hurt. When they feel like the truth
could break a relationship, they keep it away from the female.
28.Of men and women, who’s the more skilled liar? The most common? Why?
Women are the most skillful and common liars. They just take a different approach to it than men
do. They can keep a secret when it comes to something dealing with them and their relationship

29.If honesty is a part of our moral fabric and value systems, why then do we tend to practice
deception?
When people cause deception, most of the time it isn't meant to be harmful. It’s to protect them
from letting someone they care about know the truth.