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Girls Like That

Evan Placey is a Canadian-British playwright known for his works such as 'Girls Like That' and 'Mother of Him.' His plays have received various awards and have been performed by multiple theater companies. The document also includes acknowledgments and details about the production of 'Girls Like That.'

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3K views40 pages

Girls Like That

Evan Placey is a Canadian-British playwright known for his works such as 'Girls Like That' and 'Mother of Him.' His plays have received various awards and have been performed by multiple theater companies. The document also includes acknowledgments and details about the production of 'Girls Like That.'

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reltx040
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erent nie Cog "Buzz. lick, Pop. Flash. An emai, rented Se ead peer es estes te Pearce — “ pose . aaent alate lam ‘ esses <> o7 : 7 * Ce eet pe renee ee et poeminee ores porate recente ise pele toe: [omen rene vecnr aie fae ee cate Boone Prceard Peas eet Preseaany ITERNAFIONAL SCHOOL roan cre EVAN PLACEY Evan Plaey is Canadian-Britsh playwright who zrew up in ‘Toronto and now lives in London, England. His play nce Mother of Him (Courtyard Theat; winner of the King's Cross ‘Avvard for New Writing, RBC National Paying Competition, ‘Canada, andthe Samuel French Canadian Play Contest); Banana ‘Boy (Hampstead Theatre) Suicide() in Vegas (Canadian tur. Centaur Theatre Award nomination): Scarberia (Forward Theatre Project York Theatre Royal) How Was I For You? Uinicor ‘Theatre; Holloway Jones Syneray Theatre Projet cols tourUnicom Theatre winner oft Bran Way Award 2012 fo Best Pay for Young People; Writes’ Guilt Award onfination Girls Like Tha (SyoerayUnicor Thea; rst prodaced and ‘commissioned by Birmingham Repertory Theatre, Theatre Royal Plymouth and West Yorshire Playhouse; winner ofthe Writers ‘Guid Award fo Best Play for Young Audiences): Pronoun ‘National Theatre Coonetions) and Consensual (National Youth ‘Theatre in the West End) Work for radio inclodes Mother of Him (BBC Ratio Lite Brother Productions). Evans a Creative Fellow and Senior Lecturer atthe Univesity ‘of Southamon, and aso teaches playwriting o young people for ‘aroustheatres, and alsin pions. ‘GANEING means, Evan Placey = GIRLS LIKE THAT ao ese 1] Santora eo B NICK HERN BOOKS London erwsittembla cok AN Here Book (Gi tt That pn Catia a apc gin ie 203 ‘Sek a rk eT nsw eG Rod London W120 [Nstostiee win magia ep nee, Thare Raa Pont nd Wot Secreta eine 214,205 2016 Gretta copy © 2013 in Pacey Fon Py ha ma i gt be ed arte mor i oA ‘over egy Mate Hae, Ag cg Steet eu Ye aye (Coen Rea ose “ype Ni Mem Bons Lonlon ‘Pre bound in Get Bein by CP Bas (UR) Lat [ACI cop ec tito ie ome ts ita Isa 76184238846 [CAUTION phe whan ye ly med Regus 6 ‘epithe mp el barn 0 pair ‘Seu ot Prag gh Mase ‘BrGasmane oat Landen W380 sa 205708953. ‘a ersten ok sy la ‘are: Di rama § Co Soe Bale 2) 8H, (Ret) ion domaine me New Zand Pay Brean, PO Bo 9035 Che, Dna 15) 4558, ne pape San So fe: DALRO Ug, PO Bo 3127, 2017 Brn, te) bf) 08908, emal eee ned ute of er ond Cana The gency (Ltn et rfl Prtorning Rights Apion erpetemans men in ‘Syme ns syne oro el evr Ueda of Anan Cant) sabe mene ‘heap onion i 24 Peary Lam Hoa Pat Len Wi 2, fered gn an moma oes ‘Nope ny int uy een cea ten hn, Artima oe sehen Petar ps ese oan ade iin rom term Girls Lite That was commissioned by Birmingham Reperory ‘Theatre, Theatr Royal Plymouth and West Yorkshire Payhouse. ‘The play was firs performed by The Young REP spat of The ‘Young Rep Festival at The Old Rep Theatre, Birmingham, on 12 Jly 2013; the West Yorkshire Pyhouse Youth Theatre a the ‘Couryard Theatre, West Yorkshire Playhouse, on 18 July 2013: and by the Teatre Royal Plymouth Young Company a the Teste ‘Royal Plymouth, on 14 Augost 2013, “The three companies were as follows Daniel Tyler tive Shapley “Amber Cutis “Tomas Wright ‘Birmingham Repertory "Theatre The Old Rep Theatre Anthony Aston Emma Loisam Daisy Addison Emily Anderson- Wallace {ia Crosland Megan Dawson Jessica Fly | “Mabel Goulden Zoe Hamilton Cater Hawthorn edward House ‘Bethan Jonson ‘Hannah Kileoyne Hal Lockwood ‘Laura Marden Alistair MeKenzi Holly Pennington Har Pches| ‘Uma Ramachadran Alice Rayner ‘Natasha Brotherdae Smith Lizzie Turner Direcor ‘Gemma Woffinden ‘Ser Designer Chis Cully YP Design Dylon Rawnsley & Construction Assistants “& Abena Weston Costume Designer ‘Victoria Maret YP Costume Design Assixanss Samantha Meeale ‘& Ella Robbins Lighting Designer asl Lovet YP Lighing Design Assistants ‘Sam Gosling & Ben Lander Sound Designer Tan Robert Trollope YP Sound Design Assistant Joe Bellwood Movement Director Sophie Hudson Fight Director Gavin Harding Assistant tthe Director ‘Amy Oddy Production Manager Suzi Cabbage YP Production Manager Loren Rayner Stage Manager| Jali Iso YP Sage Manager Rachel Robertson ‘Special hanks o: Andrew Potton fr eign music, Air Transpo ‘Aunilary Museum, Madenbead Carphone Warhwse Alice Cadmore Senga Clarke- Cot Bhrabeth Edvards Alisha Lee Libby Long Sinead Mile Lorine Penwarden Rorie Stevenson Abigail Summers ‘Amy Wallace Zoe Walton ‘alia Winn Simoa Hil Danny Laine William Lewis Beth Shower Liam Salmon Fiona Evans Nina Reins Jane Pawson Nick Soper Job Perks Holly Harboe Matt Hoyle Brooke Tippett Natasha Whitey® ‘Thomas Michacls™ * Young Company Members Acknowledgements ‘This play was team eff, involving the dedication and support ‘of many people, Thank you : Everyone at Birmingham Rep, West Yorkshire Playhouse, and ‘Theatre Royal Plymouth, and especially: Gemma Wotfinden, ‘Beth Shouer, Daniel Tyler, Alex Chisholm, Jessica Farmer, ‘Vietri Allen, Jane Pawson, David Prescot, Tessa Walker, and Caron Jester Everyone at the Unicorn Theatre and Synergy Theate, espevaly Esther Baker, for bringing renewed life and creativity to he pl, ‘The many young people too many 1 name here — who shared. ‘with me ter insights and ideas; thank you al for your honesty. ‘Tanya Tile, fo aking Sense into me every nce ina while. ‘Mom, Dad, Lindsay and Jy, for your constant suppodt. Daniel, for believing in me and loving me even when Tact ikea seenager EP. For Zoey, andthe woman she grows upto be Characters GIRLS, up 10 nineten of them, division of ines up 10 the ‘company (GIRL IN FLAPPER DRESS (GIRL WITH AVIATOR HELMET AND GOGGLES ‘GIRL WITH FLOWERS IN HER HAIR (GIRL WITH SHOULDER PADS SCARLETT ‘ANNote on Stage Directions and Punctuation ‘Change is change in ime. It should be quite quick. It might be indicated by a change in igh oa sound, ori the actors changing positon on stage oral ofthese or none ofthese. Anelisis(..) sa trling offoss of words/sarch for words isnot acucoft, ‘dash -) ia cutoff. Sometimes by one's own thought being imtercepted by another thought. These are not pases or beats ‘A lack of punctuation means the next line comes right in This tex went to press before the end of rehearsals and so may aiffer slightly from the play as performed. ‘The GIRLS stand atthe front ofthe sage facing the audience. GIRLS Shut Skank Sket eer? ‘Tramp Hotes You deserve everthing coming 1 you ‘Sluty Scarlet ‘Scarlett the Harlot GIRLS UKE THAT tut Slut Su. Beat Music, ‘Run the World (Girls) by Beyoncé. The GIRLS pur on headphones. The GIRLS sing along and dance —a routine they've clearly practised Before. The ‘music suddenly stops. The GIRLS tak of their headphones. Five ears old. ‘When Scarlet aries her airs in these ro messy Pigtail braids, and she has Ribena stained around her ‘mouth We are five years old. Lam by the sandbox making & Princess castle that more accurately resembles a large horse's shit, 1am by the water tub ~ Hike the way the water fols ‘when it runs through tell Blonde hairs on my wrist {mon the carpet picking my nose sill unsure why this lady who loks like Nanny McPhee i replace my smother when another gel makes a beeline straight for ‘me. She sits right next me, our knees touching. And {know Iam special. have been chosen, My mother told me not to pick my nose in poblic “My mother told me not to bite my nals. My mother told me not o be so lou. ‘What my mother told me meas nothing on the fist day of reception at St Helens School for Girls (Clearly my mothers anit. Ihave been duped. ‘Because the gi picking her nose withthe chewed down pinky isnow siting next othe most popular git in class Iwill never listen to my mother again, ‘St Helens isa special school. Lknow this because my ‘mother told meso. 7 ORISUKETHAT 13 ‘StHelen’sis a special schoo! because i only accepts ‘twenty five-year-olds each year, elected for ou gifted academic ability and creative potential to think outside the box, demonstrated through atest with questions like “Sophie has a car with only one working door. She ‘nas five friends who each ake Forty-five seconds to enter through the door and get in their seat. How many of them willbe seated ninety seconds after Sophie unlocks the door?” All of them. The ears a convertible, ‘St Heen’s is special because me and these twenty girls ‘These twenty gris and Iwill progress through the next seven years of primary together, always the same classmates the same twenty girs, forging long-lasting Siendships, and bonds of camaraderie and sisterhood. [My mother would call this special I wad call this ell ‘Twenty girs from different parts ofthe ety, different backgrounds, who might not otherwise have ever crossed paths. only. ‘But here at St Helen's in this grey classroom we wil become a family. Benetton ad. In prison. ive oma farm. We have chickens. And every time we get some new hens, it stars again it lst no more than five minates, but they bate it out, to determine the pecking order. They jamp on each other's backs, push the other with their chests, rp fathers out of cach other with their beaks. They go until it's lear ‘who goes where in the hierarchy. My brother, he's older, he's seven he cries whenever this happens, ies to pll them apar, the referee. But Iam a five-year-old air. Tstand back and watch, [understand ALSt Helen's we are civilised litle girs, We humans fare much more clever than hens. We donot need fight We know it the pecking order. ini Like THAT Who's at the cop ‘Who's inthe mide ‘Who's at the bottom Justa every ila every other school in the city knows it 1s siting in their own classroom, eyeing up the others Smelling the others Positioning themselves inthe order that will determine ‘the rest of thee lives ‘Lam inthe mide. A comfortable place tobe. 'd recommend to any five-year-old that this the wisest place to be, Definitely ‘Scarlets atthe botom. Fll stop. Beat. 1 join the others onthe carpet for circle time. I don't ‘now if t's fora game or maybe we just do it— instinctively just each ou to our neighbours, nteriock fingers ~ but We're al holding ands, ‘An unspoken pact sealed. ‘These gis are my friends. My mother told me these irl are my friends for ie ‘And she's gt chocolate on her fingers from breast. ‘And she's got bits of Play-Doh under he fingers ‘And her hands are wet from the water tb, ‘But we lett pas, 1° the frst day. And we're apy to be ere. Twenty special gis ‘Twenty litle gis holding hands GRISUKETHAT 15 (Change, Preset. ‘We're im history when it comes. ‘Miss is droning on, highlighting keywords onthe board, and every tie she ries her arm to write you ‘can like see her bingo wings through the opening of ber sleeve, Like someone should ell tel her's illegal for fity-year-lds to wea shor sleeves. Maybe Tllike write era note. Anonymously ofcourse. But asa courtesy lke 1am texting a boy. There ae no boys in history. ‘Secondary schoo! is mixed, 50 we can see the male species inthe coridors and stuf, make sure we don't all u out tobe lesbians, but otherwise is tl jst the girls. But othe gis too, Three schools feed ino St ‘Margaret's. And so it's nice ike relly honesty nice to still have ll my primary-school fiends with me. The StHelen’s girs “The St Helen’ gis Or the Satan Hell girs a Some of ‘the others call us. Asa joke y°know. Ws nice wo have gis that really know me, that remember in yea thee when { won the singing ‘competition with my rendition of “Since U Been Gone’ Its nice to have gies that remember ou schoo trp in year five when the bus broke down and we had a Sumber patyon the bus, Gis who remember the swimming relay when came first Girls who remember the musi teacher's meltdown omts uke THAT Girls who remember the time I laughed so had I peed abit Girls who remember when my period went on the cafeteria bench and I refused fo get up Girls who remember that my mum had an affair with the maths teacher Girls who remember that I was the only one inthe year ot invited to the end-of-year pool party Girls who remember when Iwas in the toilet and missed my entrance inthe stool play Girls who remember when T put my tampon in cond nd first and had 19 goto hospital Girls who remember when I asked Nurse Nancy if clitoris was a kind of dinosaur Girls who never forget. Beat ‘Us gis are siting in history not listening to Miss’: ‘MeMuffin-beath ramble on about voting or suffering {ets or something when it comes. Buzz lick Pop Flash Atext ‘Anemil Armessage Atweet ‘And the elassrom is brighter as phones come alight [Ws not ike I was the only one checking Everyone go itt just me so it's not ke GIRLSUIKETHAT 17 ‘Which is why. when I ike it wouldn't have changed anything ‘Apo of Scarlet Nake. Beat. Buzz hick Pop Fash ‘What itl sat ‘What lite skank ‘When the chickens start atackng each ther, like really going fori, they can draw blood, and tha's ‘when that's when you need tobe really careful. Because if they see blood, the other chickens, they can ‘tum into marderers. They'll Keep pecking until there's more blood and more.S0 you have to get this antiseptic spray that sprays purple so the chickens ‘don't notice the red blood. Or els they'll peck the ‘chicken to death. I dont now why. Bat hin is ‘maybe cos a vulnerable chicken is putting the whole ‘Hock at risk. Or something. ‘And its Fonny ‘And it's kindof sexy ‘Andit'susly And so 1 ‘Andso1 ‘And so ET ata Except don't ‘Because someone else will Someone else will definitely anyway Sot Forward Tweet Poke Send Andis not ike 1 did't send the photo out in the fit place ‘fa photo’s taken and no one's there to seit, was it really taken? I mean didn't Plato or someone sy that? ‘And there's a rumour tat the school intemet erases from al the activity ‘There's a rumour that makes no sense whatsoever since obviously no one's allowed tows the school imernet on their phones and they're using 3G GIRISLIKETHAT 19 ‘Whats definitly tm is tht within three minutes of -eceiving the photo inthe middle of Mss saying something about a woman who got ted up 6 Parliament ~ some crazy Fifty Shades shit or something = everyone in the school has acquired the photo, “Mayo it’s just that chickens are horile murderous bitches. You'd have to ask a chicken farmer really. Music. “Wings by Lite Mix. GIRLS pus their ‘headphones on. Again they sing along and do a dance 10 it~ this time leading it though isa GIRL IN FLAPPER DRESS. Her appearance and manner are at odds with the contemporary song, but she knows all the words and the dance. The song suddenly stops. The GIRLS keep their headphones on, face the backlawa. (GIRL IN FLAPPER DRESS ‘The invitation ead: Mrs Plunket Greene, Miss Ponsonby, Mr Edward Guthore-Hardy and Me Brian Howard request the pleasure of my company at St George's Swimming Baths, Buckingham Palace Roa, o'clock pam. on Friday, 12h of uly, 1928. Please ‘wear bathing suit and bring bath towel and a bot ach guest is equired to show hs invitation on atival.” ‘The colours ofthe other girs suits ae dazaling. Some ‘of them change suits two or thre times throughout the evening. 've only brought the one. Bu I don't ming. 1 ir withthe rump player from the Negro band. 1 Ai with one ofthe cocktail mixers, who's also wearing bathing costume even fit with the rubber horses that lat above the water. Ths i he single-most retest night in my life ths fa, shall never forget. [And then I see him, Out of pace in his ful suit amongst the semi-nked bodies. Eyes darting nervously. Until he spots what he's looking foe: me. Gans UKE THAT “T'm taking you home right now. ‘And one ofthe other girs wanders over." didn’t know ‘yo had a fll” "Tdon’t He's my brother? "Cute. hope he's brought a bathing costume “Thaven’t be intejets. He doesnt ike being spoken bout inthe third person “Wel then I guess you'll have to go nude. You won't be the fist’ And she laughs My clothes are somewhere inside. So my brother rapes is jacket around my bare arms, "We can get ‘them tomorow" "She's only just got hete. She hasn't even swum yet.” ‘And then he ts on her. ‘I'm no talking to you.” But the git’ not istening, or doesn't care.Do you havea light’ she wants to know. A cigarette dangling from her ips. ‘want to avoid his, But a Negro saxophonist is rifing ‘and some girls are splashing i the water and some ‘irl are spilling their Marin glasses and he can’t contain himself, ‘No. And I dont think i's very lady in public” ‘And this time she hears him loud and clear. She smiles. ‘She can't tel if e's flirting or challenging her. She doesn't care ether way. Oh, And why i tha” ‘And now I'm suddenly ready to go. I don't want to swim. I ust want to leave. And why doesnt the band play louder? Why have they gone quit jus a the ‘moment my brother says: "Because people will mistake you for an ordinary whore.” to be smoking GIRISUKETHAT — 21 Play godamit, why won't the band just play! And everyone is looking over: Everyone who a moment ago ‘Iwas dancing with and drinking with ate now looking cover at my eighteen-year-old brother, ‘And then the music starts vp again, Only it's not the band. I's the people. And they're not singing they're laughing. My brother has underestimated hs audience Because if he'd looked around he'd have noticed gris all oer the poo! shamelessly smoking. [And the git, she says: “Shall take that as ano then? ‘You don't have ight?” ‘And the gris laugh even harder. And even T, can't ‘ep it, and star laughing too. 'm laughing so hard ‘that T don’t even se it coming. Shap. "IF you want to act ikea slut I reat you like one.” ‘My cheek i throbbing bu the effort to touch it feels too much, My face is wet and T don't know whether it's tears or if someone has splashed from the pool, So | sand there clutching the inside pockets of my brother's jacket And I wish T'd never come out ‘night. wish I'd jst stayed home like gel should Fm sory, Pm sory. I'm sory. “You think our mother fought for your rights so you could behave like this?” ‘And as I'm leaving, my barefeet on the concrete — 1 feel something in my hand. Inthe pocket. Matches, ‘And I don’t think about what I'm doing. My body takes ona life of is own and I've turned back Everyone sill watching. [strike a match, Fizz, Pop. ‘And ight her cigarette ‘And it fees lke the best hing I've ever done in my lite Comms Like THAT ‘And my brother jst looks at me. A look that says 1 won't forget this.A look tht says jst wait until we get ‘home. And T know that I don’t have a choice, {throw off his jacket, And dive into the pool ‘She exits. The GIRLS takeoff thelr headphones and ‘ur around, ‘Scarlett has a mole onthe top of her left breast, Well my left her right. And itor actually maybe it's her left ‘00, 08 the camera does i in reverse right? Does it? Tmeonfused, ‘She probably wants to get that checked out, Check it's ‘not Aids or something. Probably should get that mole removed. Cos you never ‘know. And boys don't like markings, Unless they're ‘ne of those Goth types who likes girs with tattoos and piercings ~ boys like girls with smooth skin | saw a movie once where this it hada piercing in her fanny. On closer inspection decide its actually freckle. ‘When I enlarge iton my sereen, zoom in, you can see isa frock, ‘And her nipples are large, like really ~ ike that's not oem st? ‘And the way she's positioned, there's ike tis tine on her stomach, this line of blubberon her belly. didn't Know she was fat unl now. But she i. She’ fat. Fatsut ‘And she hasn't even bothered 10,1 mean i's ajungle, like if you're going to, a least wax beforehand, it's Tike a guinea pig did, Looks prety normal to me. sa dead guinea pig. GIRISUKETHAT 23 ‘And esl good because she's a airy ape ‘And fel good because my breasts are bigger than hers ‘And feel good because my breasts are smaller than her abnormally larg ones And fel good because her arms are short, ‘And I fel good because he shoulders are bony ‘And fel good because er belly buton isan outie ‘And I fel good because her nal polish is chipped ‘And I feel good because she has a mole on her right or Teft breast ‘And I feel good because she’ a slut and not even that rey. ‘There are rumours that Scarlet gave Russell a BU in the toilets afer school last week [didn't believe it at the ime, but this proves it This is ike... rook-hard evidence. ‘Telieved it all along. With ges like that you can just tell, ‘And te thing wih rumours, yea i that they ‘woulda’t be rumours if there weren't at eat some truth in them, Like they woukn’t have come about in the first place if they weren't at least say seventy percent re. So ike maybe it wasn't inthe toilets, or ‘maybe it wasn't alter schoo that's the thirty percent ‘that might be wrong, but she definitly gave him & blowjob. That's what mater. Miss is sill talking about feminism and the word reminds me of femidom lke Nurse Nancy tld us about so stat laughing, and when she ass me why I'm laughing Tell he have a disability. 1 secretly take a photo of Miss, and while she's ‘blubbering on about voting Thave put her face on Comets uikE-THAT ‘Scarlet’ naked body. My mum once got detention for ‘making a carton drawing of one of her teachers. But, Fm not worried, my phone i password protected Atlunch the coridor is buzzing, is popping, and boys are smirking. The frst moments of lunch when classes spill ou and the sexes come tumbling together in the coridor is abit ike when I used to volunteer at the ‘dogs’ home. The dogs are all snxious to come oat of| ‘their cages. can’ sit stil, but as soon as you open the doors, most of "em barely come out at st. Tentative ‘Backs against the cage, agunst te locker, but pretty soon they get over that and everybody's humping and smelling each others arses. Girls ick immaculate hair, boys steal furtive glances while pretending o talk to thei frends, holding tight to the saps of their rucksacks aif they're cords ofa ‘bomb and they might combust. ‘boy says: ‘Guess I know what I'm doing tonight.” Another laughs and says: ‘Wank bank. “shat Whore.” ‘But thats not the boys. Tha's what's weindest, while the girls are zooming, highlighting cutting, pasting, analysing, comparing thoughts and insights into Scarlet the boys are... well they're not doing much of anything Just smirking. Like fucking buffoons. Like they don’t gt it Like they. "know? [And then oe of them finally speaks, "Ta ap it Tyler That's what he says. Like eventhough she's a, and she's jus. “don’t think you should be looking at that. A boy say thi, Jy. GIRLSLIKETHAT 25 ‘Maybe he fancies Scarlet, or maybe he's drunk, of ‘maybe he's loking fora fight. ‘But Jay's not the fighting type He's nota boy like tht. He's just boy who happens tobe at his locker. ‘You what? 1° Tyler, “You what? Do you gota litle hard-on for her do you? ‘Want the photo allo yousel” ‘No, That's not. haven't seen it actually.” Like he’s above it or something. Though probably he's lying. Everyone's seen it ‘And Tyler laughs. “Well here mate, Shae and share alike.” And Tyler passes the phone o him. ‘But Jay averts his gaze. ‘No. Thanks You what? 's none of my. His resolve’ fading. ‘Tjust don't think.” “You gay or something” Some other boy has piped up. “Bet you ae, Thats why your parents named you Jy. (Gos it shymes with gay. Logic doesn’t really matter at this point, [i doesn't matter that Jay has ginend which even ‘douchebag Tyler knows, {also doesnt mater that Jay plays football with them and scored a wining shot ast week and that they put him on thei shoulders ‘What mates is Jy has temporarily set everything of balance. He has told them there is no Santa Claus. He has questioned gravity. The cosmos need to be realigned, “Maybe if it was a photo of you Tyler then he'd look. CoiRLs LIKE THAT “Ob, is tha it gay Jy? Are you saving your eyes for y=" ‘And befor he can nish with some awful metaphor forhis genitals, Jay does it. He looks athe photo, And ma bit angry at how easily he gives in, How easly he sighs and Took ‘Thine it. You tolly have @ woody for her. You'd tap ine ‘And he: “Yeah 1'd tap it" And even fom where Pm standing [can hea the monotone, He'd make a terible actor. Jay goes. And [wait for the boy to talk about Jay, to tak about what's just happened. But they don't W's ike 1° ike it didn’t happen, ‘Snog marry kill, Hany, Nall, Zayn ‘And then the condor goes silent, like prope. ‘Andi reminds me ofthe time I met Lady Gaga. Well ‘nt really me, but you know what I mean. And I had this CD cover of Gaga's face for her to sigh and she's there like two fet in front of me, and it's he it's etnitely her from th cover, but jus less... I dunno, Like she was sil as hot and as cool a the her onthe cover, but just abt... normal ‘And there's Scarlet looking up at me from my phone Screen, and there she is two fet away from me, and the two images, the two Seacets,. they're just ferent is all. One's just bit moe... human, Though ‘Pa not totally sure which oe. ‘And another thing about boys is they don’t have any social awareness. Like they are completely socially ‘unaware. They donot have what my mater would call Jct. Because ws gris don't say anything. Like ‘obviously we would never say anything to her face, Cos that would just be... outrageous. ‘That would be completely rade. GIRLS LIKETHAT 27 ‘And so we say nothing. ‘And Scarlet says: Hey. ‘Andis kind of wall of us and none of us. “Hey? But we don’t say anything. Cos we're not ike the boys No. Beat. Wie jst pretend she's no hee Personally, 1 don't thnk she was actually talking to Norme. Personally, don’t think she was talking to anyone. It ‘was more of a*hey’. More like a sound really. ‘The problem with ges lke that is they ruin it for everyone, ‘The problem with gels like thats they give al girs a tad mame, ‘The problem with gins lke thats that seir reputation iscontagious. And if you hang around girs lke that, i's wot necessarily that you'll start behaving like she does = we are intelligent young women, we have minds of our own ~but people wil think you do. And ‘that’s worse rally. We did history class on the Holocaust, and earned about bystanders, who watched, stood by and even though they werent performing the acts themselves, ‘but just ike being there, doing nothing, it’ ike ‘they'e condoning it. And thi is ait ike tha. Like if hang out with her I'm approving of her behaviour. GmRts UkETHAT ‘And it wasn't planned, but we all just tum away, ike tum our backs, Like a wave. All the St Helens girls ust silenly turning. And fee... par of something, Y'know. feel deeply connected to thes girls I grew ‘up with, And that’s really nice, ‘These girls will be my fiends for life, ‘And I'm gute I did't lm it. Because i looked ‘ally beautiful, Blletic almost I fl beautiful. ‘And my lockers open, so even though my back — ‘through the miror I can see what's happening. And Scarlet just stands there ooking tus all, Wiling our backs to move wits her eyes or something like a witch ‘And then she tums and looks to Russell ‘Muscle Russell. ‘Tussled-ir Russell Lusty Russ ‘Snog marry kill. Bed-head Russel, Footall Ruse. ‘And dining hal-eating Russel ‘And that look, before he even says anything, confirms forme the rumours, ‘And I can’t for sure say What her look was —as I ean ‘only see the back of her head. Pleading? Flirting? ‘Accusing? ‘But he says: “Again? I'm abit wor out Scarlett.” ‘The boys laugh, some of them high-fve. ve never relly understood the high-ive. When Iwas twelve I tried it out, started high-fving my bes frend very time Isaw er or I made a joke. But it just never really ook of. Boys canbe such dicks GIRLSUKETHAT 29 ‘Rossll can do so much better. Hope he did't catch an STHor something, ‘And as she sinks away, fel really srry for her We all do I think. Maybe i’ not ll her fal. Maybe if her ‘mother had jst aught her beter, ight years old. ‘We are twenty gins squished into teeny hanging ‘oom a the local pol. [Arms touching stm, Legs touching legs. | wish someone would move over. | think they purposely make the changing rooms tiny and dity and smelly s that people will not come to ‘the local pool. Lam fairly certain this isa conspiracy ‘ut in place bythe moustache lady who always yell at ‘us for swimming inthe wrong lane, ‘We are eight years old It is someone's birthday pany and we areal there. "That's the kind of cose friends we are. ‘We ace all there because the four mothers ofthe four girs who were not invited spoke tothe moter of the {irl who did the inviting. 1 wasn't me, I'm invited to ‘everything on account of my mother being a local councillor. About fifty percent ofthe girls wear one-pices. Fifty ‘And change inthe come sono one can realy see me GIRLS LIKE THAT 1 change nthe middle, te ther gies bodies as & shield change wherever cos comparatively I'm definitely ‘one of the skinner ones Fora moment I'm worried Tl grow up tobe ft, Fora moment I'm worried I'l grow up and become a lesbian Fora moment I'm worried I'l grow upto bea cat lady ‘who lives by herself, Fora moment I'm wortied I'l never be pretty enough to get aboytiend. ‘But then we're in the pre-showers andthe water is freezing and we all seream and we forget. ‘Someone isnt talking to Scare and Scarlet isnot talking to someone else, and someone ese isnot talking 1 someone else and I'm nt sure what ‘happened but Ihave to take someone's side 80 take someone else's side, and we all reshuffle so someone ‘else doesnt have to be near Scarlet, And someone, ‘maybe me, has to act as messenger passing messages between the to, And then we go swimming. Twenty squealing foral- ‘rinted bodies cannonball into the water ‘We count how long ve can hold our breath, We are mermaids, Scarlet has brought Swimming Barbie who comes with waterproof make-up and we forgive Scarlet and the ight whatever it was about is forgotten. ‘And one of us pretends to he Ken asking Barbie out on date, and we take turns to ee who can think ofthe bestest line, “Hey Barbie, wanna go fora ride in my convertible?” GWLSLIKETHAT 31 "Hey Barbie, you've got to be the pretest girl I ever id see. f you dont go out with me will il myse” “Hey Barbie I want wo kiss you with tongues. Bw, Gros. “Hey Barbie! ‘And Ken always has an American accent. We've never heard Ken speak before but decid he's such a hunk that he must be fom California ‘We do these somersait things over the rings tht divide te lanes and moustache-lady yells atu. So we ‘take turns secretly touching the rings, siting on the rings when se's not Ioking, while the oer girls listract he. Girls goto stick together right? [And she can’t catch us, can’t stop us. Because we ae ‘twenty and she is one. And we are only eight and she is ‘more than that and still we ae smarter. Full up on pizza and cake and fizzy pop we ran to the ‘park next door and lie down damp inthe grass. ‘We put our heads on each other's bellies so wee all ‘connected. My head on he Belly. ‘My head on hers, Hers on hers. ‘And bers on hers. ‘And bers on hers. Like agian zigzagging water snake, ‘And we close our eyes tothe Mashing sun and listen to ‘each g's belly breath, In. Out. In. Out. 2 omRts uke-THAT ‘And then someone laughs, her belly vibrating into some other git's wet hair. So she in tum starts laughing, ‘And ten she in tum ‘And then she in tam ‘And we laugh for what fels ike howrs. ‘We are in love with swimming, and summer, and each other. and Ken, ‘We are Barbie. We are mermaids. Weare indestructible. (Change. Present Afterschool Sear Scarlet the Harlot. Like no one has seen her since lanch, If were her I would totally kill myself, Talk about embarrassing. just couldnt, y'know? ‘And I'm abit worie, We're all abit worried. Because you hear stories and Stuf. And its jst a stupid picture. She wouldn't do Something stupid, “We should call her someone says. Someone. Maybe ‘me. Or one of the other ~it doesn’t really mater. What maltrs is we call he. Al of us huddled around the ‘hone on speaker is nowhere tobe seen. GWRLSUKETHAT 33 “Hello? Scarlett? ‘Hello? ‘Yeah, Scarlet? ‘Gotchya! You've reached Scarlets VM. You know ‘what to do. And if you don’t Tean't help you." ‘She's not there, and we're woried, naturally, so We leave a message Scarlet hi, ths is a message for Scarlet Smith. This is Playboy magazine. We uh. (Lowers voice.) We uh lowed your pies and would love for you to pose for us. Soum... Laughs.) ‘We hang up. We call again. We hang up. We call again, ‘We hang up. We cll again. We hang up. We cal again ‘We call again. We cll again. We call again. We call sein. ‘This is um Playboy magazine “This is um Penthouse magazine ‘This is um Nuts magazine ‘This is um Loaded magazine This is um Zoo magazine ‘This is um FHM magazine ‘This is um New Statesman magazine ‘That's a poltcal magazine you moron Sorry. Wrong number. ‘What? I saw my dad read it one, ‘We hang up. We call again. We hang up. We cal again. ‘We hang up. We call again. We cll again. We call again, We cal again. We go home En rout I buy a Claser magazine GIRLS UKE THAT En rout I buy Heat magazine, En route I buy an OK? and a Now and a HELLO! because you getall three now in one package Which is quite a good dea actually. ‘Kim Kardashian has gained a stone and has eellite hich isa shame because she was doing so well on her postkid diet snd now she looks disgusting. ‘And Cheryl Cole has lost stone ander bingo wings and got a lat stomach and has the ideal body so Ashley Cole willbe really jealous ‘And Nicki Ming is looking unhealthy skin and an insider fend is worried about her. ‘And Drake is now single, and sos Taylor Lautner and ‘0 is Conor Maynard, they're al ooking fora gel who ‘knows how to have fun and doesnt take herself 100 seriously Kill mary snog, Drake, Lautner, Maynard, Anyway you can't believe everything you read. Those magazines arent always realistic. They probably ll have girlfriends. [Athome someone sends me the Scarlett photo. You're ‘bit being the times my frend. Asif don’t already Ihave it ook at it again anyway. ook a it again, ook a it agai, {read the comments people have posted on her Facebook page. Took ait again, “My mother ass me what I'm looking at ell he ‘nothing’. Tell he homework’ GIRLSLIKETHAT 3s don’t tell her anything. ‘She does’t actully want to know the ans. ‘She's marking year eleven essays ‘She's making a PowerPoint. ‘She's onthe phone whinging about the bitch from ‘work who stole er promaion ‘Shes telling my father about the gil fom work who's going on materity at what isa most inconvenient time for the company. ‘She's telling Grandma about the gel from the ofie ‘who has to leave at three o'clock every day to pick up ber kid, talk about lack of commitment ‘She's telling me about the slaty git whose skirt was 0 short you could almost se the brand of her kickers. ‘She's teling no one in patcular about how she got 1D'dat Sainsbury's buying wine thank you very much ‘She never actualy aks. She isn't home, Buzz Click Pop Flash ‘Anda new photo as come through Someone else who i being the times. Except his ime i's not Searle Ws a diferent photo. Russell, Completely naked. ommis UkeTHAT ‘Music. ‘California Gurls‘ by Katy Perry. Again the ails put on headphones, sing along and doa dance. This time the dance is led by a GIRL WITH AVIATOR HELMET AND GOGGLES. The musi suddenly stops. The GIRLS face away with ‘heir headphones, GIRL WITH AVIATOR HELMET AND GOGGLES. Let me give you some advice. Don't drink tea before ‘ya fy. tel a [couldn't lve without me momin’ ta, ‘but nothing worse than bei seven thousand fet inthe air, clouds everywhere, no navigation equipment or radio aids and thinkin’ I don't know how much longer “fore Igo in me knickers. Ly tore isto the man who ve been asgned for the dy hin’ ear’ ht ops Febuary 198 Just another mori’ ke nye at he Aor Tanspot Asilay ony ey 4 Huon gta liver fr maintenance, wich means thes pote be two of Meand isa And imine tim, five ‘em some sie so dont gta be word tot fim nado wee up ine at e's havin on iD want hear Doan bearnoe oi Don'even want ben with me: He not takin onder fom as. Stars mumblin’ "but wha’ the world coming World t war Bean et bord and opal of we otsome ls yin planes, As though nthe oly nes AS though of the sx hundred "fi ATA pis ‘hundred si for aren wore, Bate'sinsstn’ he take charg. He's ins’ ters spl in ene An Teen ee e's stubborn so an, sometimes you gta ake th higher ground sometimes you pia back nd ‘ay okay, you gt willy ~ you know best Sometimes ene inet ple you asp ve GMLSLIKETHAT 37 10 about an hour later, 'm ready to go, but he’s not feelin’ so god,so they gt some other pilot ~ and let's say e's much more amenable.As we're getting” nto the plane I ee the lad again, fae ashen So Tell him: ‘Shoulda listened to my advice. Told you not to drink before yay.” ‘She exits. The GIRLS takeoff their headphones, turn back 1 face us ‘Russell's body is what you would expect. He goes tothe gym. He plays ogby: 1's as Limagined, That's not o say I spend my days picturing Russell naked, bu iT dd, that's what he ‘would ike look = like he does ‘And the boys" nickname for him ~ Big Mac well e's {ust say i's now clear it has nothing to do with is love of fast fod, ‘And let's just say that when people aid he was abit singer and I said no he's definitly blond ~ that I was right thank God. He should workin Hollister or something. ‘What i almost one hundred percent certain i that it was Scarlett who put the photo online. likely ‘hypothesis is that she did this a an act of evenge. ‘What i ess clear-cut isthe motive for revenge “which can be narrowed down to one of to Possibilities: one ~ it was Russell who sent round the photo of her naked, Whether or not it actually was ‘can nether confirm nor deny, nor iit actually relevant, what's important is she believes it to be the ‘ease. Two - as evenge for embarassing her inthe ‘corridor yesterday infront of everyone, What can for definite stat the photo of Russell bas made its way round the entire schoo. mis UKE THAT ‘We shoul know this because girls are laughing. And boys ae yelling ‘man-whor’ down the corridor And Rossel is standing alone by his locker with his head down. Beat. Except this is not what is happening, This is not how we know. ‘We know because one gil is heard stating she has ‘changed her mind and she wants to marry Russell instead of snog him andi it too late to change? ‘We know this because a boy is heard saying: ‘He's legend, dude." ‘We know this because Russell’ frends are highfving him and acting lke iis any other day. ‘The thing, yeah, and I'm sorry to have to be the one to ‘say this, is that Scarlet, well she's obviously even dumber than she acts, ‘She obviously doesn't gtit's fine fr boys tbe, you know. ‘They're supposed tobe, right? Like it's part oftheir DNA, par oftheir puberty. blue balls or something. ‘Wait Is tha ight? tis nature, I's no just chickens and cocks. 1 was. ‘watching the BBC and like even elephants, right, ike ‘there'l be ike twelve female elephants and one male for like ll those women, The women will only have ‘sex with the one male their whole lif, but the male ‘well you do the math, {how i's meant to bef you don’t believe me ask David Atenborough, Like my brother says: ifa key can open lots of locks, it'sa really good key Like a master key. Buti lock can be opened by lots of Keys then it's a really s lock. Do you see? GIRLSUKETHAT 39 And thsi what Scarlet has filed to understand. ‘Maybe her mother da’ teach her. Boys will be boys ‘Boys like Russel, a boy lke that can't help himself A boy lke that has to try before he buys. One ofthe GIRLS quotes the fis four lines of‘ Boy Like Tha’ rom West Side Story Actually, those are just the Iyries fom WestSide Story ‘Yea, but. Well maybe. was Anita on account oftheir being no Puerto Ricans atthe school and my'being a ‘quarter Indian. ‘There's group of boys looking atthe photo, but i's weird Cos like they're looking ait, but not. Like each ‘of them keep flicking their eyes away from the screen, if they lok at it too long thei eyes wil bum, Like they're afraid. Like they're scared of being caught looking at it. By ‘other boys. ‘And watching this group of boys not looking tthe photo, you'd think that actually none of them relly Saw it Ifwe hadn't noticed one of them later, alone in the cf line, serely looking again. ‘And if we hadnt noticed the subtle changes that day A boy stretching his arms dowa, trying to casually ‘check his bicep ‘A boy iting his shirt wo serach his stomach bu really ‘checking his abs. Or lack thereof. A boy buying a sala for lunch, ‘A boy swiping a ruler from maths so he could late try to calculate how be measured up. ‘A boy with no facial air in Boots buying an electric aor to tim his pubes, GIRLS LiKE: THAT ‘Miss is explaining this projet we have to do next term, We've goto trace our own family history, and specifically our family’s female history, whatever hat ‘We're in period three and Sly Scarlet actually has the nerve to come to class, ‘And two gil, neither of which are me I dont think, ate doodling onthe photo of Russell. One of them has colour printer at home, so. ‘They're drawing a tattoo oftheir name on his appendage when Miss tums round and confiseates it ‘And I bet it's the ist time she's ever seen one betit is bet she's stil virgin [And before she even has time task tone ofthe two {ils or someone else says: “Scarlet sent it round” ‘And Miss asks Scarlet it's tue. And one ofthe other irl stars to speak but Miss silences her ~ “'m asking ‘Scarlet’ ~and can't help but think ofthat scene from The Crucible, that’s the school play this year, I'm playing John Proctor on account of there no being {enough boys who auditioned, and there's that scene ‘where say: Tell the truth!” to my wife just like Miss is saying now and our not being condemned to death hangs on what comes out of her mouth [Except this is nothing ike that, Because Scarlett Knows she's condemned no mater what she says. And so when Miss asks again: ‘Did you send it, tel the truth, she says: ‘Sure’ Sure. Not yes, ot n0, but... And it’s weird cos fora moment think maybe she ‘idn't— like if she'd protested her innocence I'd have GRRISUKETHAT 41 ‘thought for sure she's actually dove it, ar, but her just ‘Maybe she thinks in taking the blame she'll win favour with the girls ‘Or maybe she knows the headteacher’ office is safer ‘than the coriors. (Or maybe she knows that it doesn't matter what she says or whether she did or not because it's already ben decided. ‘Or maybe she thinks that this will end it. And the past ‘so days wil bea distant memory, frgoten. ‘And that’s what I mean about Searet being dumber than she acts, bess her. [actully feel really bad. ‘Because stil afterall these years, she hasnt earned that St Helen's girls never forget. She thinks this isthe tend. Hut I know i's just the stat And there's nothing ‘ot one of sca dot stop leven years od. 1 get my period, Thank fuck I'm not the las, So Sir says I don't have to go swimming. And I realise this ‘ill bea convenient excuse in future PE lessons. ‘We reall geting changed, nervous in our new school that basa swimuning pool, ‘We are eleven years old, And though we are quiet pretending to concentrate onthe arduous task of ‘utting on swimsuits, we are really concentrating on taking casual glances a the others, ‘See who else has hair down there ‘Who else doesnt really have boobs yet (OIRLS LIKE THAT Who is wearing a sports bra ‘Who is wearing no bra ‘Who is wearing areal bra, [No one. Except Scale And in the change-room after swim, she stars Tike ‘putting on this lotion. Because her skin i dry she sys, ‘This lotion that smells like strawbestes. ‘Ad this cherry-smelling Vaseline on her lips, because her lips are dy she says Ad it's ike waving a steak rump around when my dog's wandered of, She'll walk down the corridor and the boys will come running. ‘Which is just he strangest thing, because this Scarlet. Serlett who wasnt even invited toll the parties, Scarlett who was last to get the accessory that fveryone else already had, last wo be picked. ‘And she as this confidence, tis quiet confidence even ‘when she's getting changed for swim, And it's like ‘where did tat come from? And she's suddenly stated making these jokes, Like she's «comedian. Lean't think of any, but yeah she makes these jokes, ‘And the boys always flock. Like bees to honey ‘Bees don’t actualy flock, they swarm ‘Sweating through ther tight shirts "Nervously running hands through ther faux-messy sled coifed hair “Annoying fingering the branded bands of ther pants, ‘os al the boys were suddenly wearing boxers. And like branded ones ‘Swpidly laughing at her jokes GRLSUKETHAT 43 “They're not even funny, not eally ‘Se has to barely vier two words andthe boys start panting, wagging thee tails, ‘The boys ae disgusting anyway. ‘Bt really we get it, We get that it's nt relly about the boys for Searle. I's about atetion. I's about for ‘once not being a the bottom. Which is. bit pathetic really We take tums showing Sir our dives. ‘And Scarlett makes a big ugly splash on account of her ‘boobs adding weight, serves her right. Sir gives ws five minutes’ fee time at the end and plays

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