Have you ever talked with a friend about a problem only to realize that he just doesn't seem to grasp
why
the issue is so important to you? Have you ever presented an idea to a group and it's met with utter
confusion? Or maybe you've been in an argument when the other person suddenly accuses you of not
listening to what they're saying at all? What's going on here? The answer is miscommunication, and in
some form or another, we've all experienced it. It can lead to confusion, animosity, misunderstanding, or
even crashing a multimillion dollar probe into the surface of Mars. The fact is even when face-to-face with
another person, in the very same room, and speaking the same language, human communication is
incredibly complex. But the good news is that a basic understanding of what happens when we
communicate can help us prevent miscommunication. For decades, researchers have asked, "What
happens when we communicate?" One interpretation, called the transmission model, views
communication as a message that moves directly from one person to another, similar to someone tossing a
ball and walking away. But in reality, this simplistic model doesn't account for communication's
complexity. Enter the transactional model, which acknowledges the many added challenges of
communicating. With this model, it's more accurate to think of communication between people as a game
of catch. As we communicate our message, we receive feedback from the other party. Through the
transaction, we create meaning together. But from this exchange, further complications arise. It's not like
the Star Trek universe, where some characters can Vulcan mind meld, fully sharing thoughts and
feelings. As humans, we can't help but send and receive messages through our own subjective
lenses. When communicating, one person expresses her interpretation of a message, and the person she's
communicating with hears his own interpretation of that message. Our perceptual filters continually shift
meanings and interpretations. Remember that game of catch? Imagine it with a lump of clay. As each
person touches it, they shape it to fit their own unique perceptions based on any number of variables, like
knowledge or past experience, age, race, gender, ethnicity, religion, or family
background. Simultaneously, every person interprets the message they receive based on their relationship
with the other person, and their unique understanding of the semantics and connotations of the exact
words being used. They could also be distracted by other stimuli, such as traffic or a growling
stomach. Even emotion might cloud their understanding, and by adding more people into a
conversation, each with their own subjectivities, the complexity of communication grows
exponentially. So as the lump of clay goes back and forth from one person to another, reworked, reshaped,
and always changing, it's no wonder our messages sometimes turn into a mush of miscommunication.
But, luckily, there are some simple practices that can help us all navigate our daily interactions for better
communication. One: recognize that passive hearing and active listening are not the same. Engage
actively with the verbal and nonverbal feedback of others, and adjust your message to facilitate greater
understanding. Two: listen with your eyes and ears, as well as with your gut. Remember that
communication is more than just words. Three: take time to understand as you try to be understood. In the
rush to express ourselves, it's easy to forget that communication is a two-way street. Be open to what the
other person might say. And finally, four: Be aware of your personal perceptual filters. Elements of your
experience, including your culture, community, and family, influence how you see the world. Say, "This
is how I see the problem, but how do you see it?" Don't assume that your perception is the objective
truth. That'll help you work toward sharing a dialogue with others to reach a common understanding
together.
