They said yes, although they never arrived...

(Farsi in one act)

by Edgar Álvarez Estrada

In a trench, war zone. In the distance, explosions are heard and seen.

flashes of light, of machine guns and bombs. The sound is constant and deafening.

At each threat, they drop to the ground. Then they stand up and alternate.

they walk, trying to review two fronts.

SARGENTA 1: Where is it?

SARGENTA 2: He/She left.

SARGENTA 1: We need reinforcements.

SARGENTA 2: It will come, do not despair

SARGENTA 1: It's urgent... what are we going to do?

SARGENTA 2: We can sing.

SERGEANT 1: Sing? No way.

SARGENTA 2: Singing is fun... yes, we can sing.

SERGEANT 1: What's wrong with you, crazy bitch?

SARGENTA 2: Hey, don't call me that.

SERGEANT 1: Who the hell thinks it's a good idea to sing in the middle of something like this.

SERGEANT 2: ...

SARGENTA 1: It's insane.

SARGENTA 2: My dad wasn't crazy, okay.

SARGENTA 2: When something bad happened, he distracted us by singing.

SERGEANT 1: Ah, your dad...

SARGENTA 2: My dad was a great man, huh.

SARGENTA 1: I used to sing in the worst moments, no way.

With him, you were never bored, you never felt bad, you never went through

Bad moments. He was a great guy, he was my dad. Do you understand?

SERGEANT 1: Obviously you inherited something of theirs.

SARGENTA 2: ?

SARGENTA 1: (Sings) Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way

SERGEANT 2: (Very angry) What's wrong with you, huh?

SARGENTA 1: Come, sing with me.

SARGENTA 2: That song is for Christmas, don't mess with me.

SARGENTA 1: It was your idea, go ahead and sing.

SERGEANT 2: (Very violent, she threatens her and puts a gun in her mouth) If I

You keep messing with me, I'm going to shoot you, you daughter of a bitch.

SERGEANT 1: ...

A man enters.

LIEUTENANT: Hey!! What's wrong with you?

SERGEANT 2: (He aims at him too, opens his field of vision, threatens the

Don't get involved.

SARGENTA 1: We were waiting for you.

LIEUTENANT: Hey, calm down!

Sergeant 2: Calm down "my balls".

LIEUTENANT: Hey, the enemies are out there, not here, it's not us.

SARGENTA 2: I already know, but this idiot is to blame.

SARGENTA 1: I only sang.

LIEUTENANT: Did you sing?... Why?

SARGENTA 1: She suggested it.

LIEUTENANT: And why are you so upset if you suggested it?

SARGENTA 2: It was the song, don't mess with me.

LIEUTENANT: What did you sing?

SARGENTA 1: (Singing) Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

LIEUTENANT: (Annoyed, he pulls out the gun and aims it) You're going to die, idiot. How

Do you sing that crap?

A man enters.

CAPTAIN: Hey! What's going on here?

Everyone stands in line before a man of higher rank.

SARGENTA 1: Nothing, Captain, we were just playing.

SARGENTA 2: Yes, that's how we prepared.

you start playing... "this is how we prepared ourselves." One does not prepare for the

war playing. Jump, shoot, run, but don't start playing.

SARGENTA 1: (Singing) Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

CAPTAIN: What is wrong with you?

SARGENTA 1: It's just that... I sing that one because...

LIEUTENANT: Because...

SERGEANT 1: (Sotto voce, the others remain silently expectant)

Because... Santa Claus never brought me what I asked for.

CAPTAIN: Excuse me?

SARGENTA 2: And I am the traumatized one, ha.

SARGENTA 1: I've always wanted a princess Barbie.

SARGENTA 2: Princess? How damn cheesy.

CAPTAIN: I don't understand anything. Can you explain it to me?

SARGENTA 1: She is traumatized because her dad used to make her sing.

SARGENTA 2: Where do you get such stupidity?

SARGENTA 1: You told me.

SARGENTA 2: I never mentioned any trauma... you're crazy.

CAPTAIN: They are the worst soldiers I have ever had, I swear to the motherfucker of

all of you. I mean, what is wrong with you? Do you want a fucking Barbie...

SERGEANT 2: Not me; her.

CAPTAIN: And you, Lieutenant, what bullshit are you going to come up with?

LIEUTENANT: Me? With nothing, (with unusual euphoria) let's fight, we have to

win and resist the invading army. Come on, team, let’s go!!! Yeah!!!
CAPTAIN: No way, man. Calm down, okay?

On one side, a soldier from the enemy army approaches stealthily.

SARGENTA 2: Captain, I have to tell you something.

CAPTAIN: You come at me with some bullshit and I’ll shoot you, I swear.

SARGENTA 1: Yes, she deserves it.

CAPTAIN: You be quiet, because if I discover anything about you, I will shoot you too.

SARGENTA 2) Let's see, tell me what the hell do you want to say to me?

CAPTAIN: Aren't you going to speak?

SARGENTA 2: …

CAPTAIN: I am waiting for her.

SARGENTA 2: I don't want to be shot

CAPTAIN: I'll do it if you don't tell me what you have to tell me.

SARGENTA 2: We ran out of ammunition.

CAPTAIN: Fuck mother! Fuck, fuck, fuck mother! What are we going to do?

SARGENTA 1: We can sing.

CAPTAIN: I'm going to shoot you, bitch.

SARGENTA 1: (Sings) Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

CAPTAIN: What are you doing?

SARGENTA 1: Her dad was right.

CAPTAIN: What the hell does my dad have to do with this?

LIEUTENANT: Not your dad, her dad.

LIEUTENANT: He was a great man.

The enemy soldier enters. The lieutenant loses control, becomes hysterical.

INVADER: Everyone freeze! Now you're really going to get it, sons of bitches.

CAPTAIN: Hey, don't be rude! In front of the ears of the noble ladies: no.

INVADER: What the hell did he tell me?

CAPTAIN: Don't be rude.

INVADER: Look, son of a very filthy mother, you invaded my country and

They killed my people, so now they are my fucking prisoners and I'm going to speak.

I'll do whatever the hell I want, okay? You piece of shit.

SARGENTA 1 and SARGENTA 2: (Singing in chorus): Jingle bells, jingle bells,

jingle all the way.

INVADER: Why the hell are they singing?

SARGENTA 2: My dad taught me.

SARGENTA 1: Your father was a great man.

The lieutenant is very nervous, scared to death, he's having a nervous breakdown.

uncontrollable.

LIEUTENANT: Ken prince, yes, Ken prince, that's what I want...

The others turn to look at him with faces of disbelief.

INFORMANT: Just look, we have a very important prisoner: A PRINCE

(Speaking on the radio) General Fortimbrás, I want to inform you that I have captured the

Prince Ken. I repeat, I have captured the prince! They will give me a medal! Me

they will be promoted to Colonel.

SARGENTA 1: He is not a prince.

INVADER: Ah, you want to cover it up.

CAPTAIN: You are right, he is not a prince.

INVADER: You want me to have my medal taken away, right?

SERGEANT 2: Then it will be worse, he will be left in shame.

INVADER: (Threatens the Lieutenant with a gun) Tell me who the fuck you are, bastard?

LIEUTENANT: (Unable to control himself) Ken prince, Ken.

CAPTAIN: How stupid you must be!

INVADER: Yes, he is a prince, he is saying so.

LIEUTENANT: Prince Ken.

SARGENTA 2: He's crazy.

SARGENTA 1: It was my fault.

CAPTAIN: Let him go, he's really not a prince.

INVASOR: Look, I'm already getting really annoyed. Either you explain it to me, or I'll shoot you.

Here to everyone. (SERGEANT 2) Let's see, you, explain yourself.

SERGEANT 2: I told her that my dad would make us sing when

We were children, my siblings and I, singing.

INVADER: So you are brothers.

INVADER: You, be quiet, you do not have permission to speak. Also, don't be you.

arrogant Do you think that by wearing a badge you have the right to mock your

Subordinates? Huh?

SARGENTA 1: She yells at us very badly.

SARGENTA 2: And she didn't like our song.

INVASOR: Damn Captain asshole, because of motherfuckers like you, we are all

like this.

The Captain makes a sign of 'You will see' to his soldiers. The invader realizes.

INVADER: Don't threaten them, asshole... well, anyway, go on with the story.

SARGENTA 2: She was never brought a doll that looked like a princess.

SERGEANT 1: Her name is 'Barbie', she is a little doll like this, slim, blonde and very

pretty...

INVADER: Do you think I'm dumb and don't know what a Barbie is? The Barbie is a

international icon of childhood and infancy, it is a symbol of the joy of home

and of better times, of happy moments and innocent laughter… everyone at some point

we had one.

Everyone looks at him in silence.

INVADER: I mean, my sister had one. All sisters have had one.

one.
SARGENTA 1: I wanted a princess Barbie and Santa Claus never brought it to me.

SARGENTA 2: Then he said he wanted Ken, Barbie's boyfriend,

prince.

SARGENTA 1: Then you arrived and lost your footing, you disconnected, you lost the...

cables.

SARGENTA 2: And now everything she repeats is that.

Sergeant 1: Prince Ken.

LIEUTENANT: Yes, Prince Ken.

INVASOR: Ah, I see.

CAPTAIN: Can I talk?

INVADER: Can

CAPTAIN: I don't like 'jingle bells.'

INVADER: And what about that?

CAPTAIN: It's just that I want to sing, but not that one.

INVASOR: And which one do you want to sing, Captain son of a bitch?

CAPTAIN: I really like that one: (Sings) 'Kiss me, kiss me a lot, as if...

Is this the last time out tonight?

INVASOR: She's lovely, how could she not be? I like Ray Conniff's version, do you...

do you know? It goes like this: (sing to the melody of 'Kiss Me a Lot') Dabada,

dabadabadabadaba, dabadabadabadaba dabadabadabadaba…

CAPTAIN: No way, it's horrible, that's supermarket music.

INVASOR: I like it, damn it... It's very good

CAPTAIN: Oh, really? Go ask them.

INVADER: (Violent and authoritarian) Let's see... who likes that version?
SARGENTA 1: It's horrible.

SARGENTA 2: Terrible.

CAPTAIN: Very bad, yes.

INVASOR: It's really good and they all go to hell.

Lieutenant keeps mentioning 'Prince Ken', but now he says it to the rhythm of

Kiss me a lot

LIEUTENANT: "Prince, pripripripriprípríncipe, pripripripripríprípripripripriprípríncipe

Ken

INVASOR: This poor man is very ill, I already feel sorry for him and you know what?

Silence.

INVADER: I am going to get you your Prince Ken, I don't care.

EVERYONE: (In unison) Whaaaaaaaaaat?

INVASOR: What you heard. And I'm going to confess something: I always wanted the

Barbie princess and Ken prince.

CAPTAIN: And did you never ask Santa Claus for them?

INVADER: In my country, Santa Claus doesn't bring toys, but the Three Wise Men. And if he does

I asked for them, okay?

SARGENTA 2: And what happened?

what this poor man is feeling. And I'm going to get him his fucking Barbie and to

Your damn Prince. I already said.

Sergeant 1: Hey, sir.

INVADER: (Violently) What the hell do you want?

SERGEANT 1: (Shy) Can you bring one for me too?... Please.

INVASOR: Of course. (To the radio) Barbies and Kens for everyone! Hurry up!

Shouts of jubilation and cheers.

INVADER: And you know what? No more traumas, let's regain our childhood, goodbye to the

arms, we must sing.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way...

Lieutenant sings with them.

LIEUTENANT: Brothers, I want to tell you something, I am happy and if this had happened

Before, I would never have joined the army, nor would I have gone to war.

INVADER: If we all had a Barbie, there would be no war.

LIEUTENANT: And a Ken Prince.

INVADER: And we would see each other as brothers.

SARGENTA 1: And we would sing jingle bells.

And kiss me a lot.

CAPTAIN: And in Ray Conniff's version, even if it's crap.

SERGEANT 1: Your dad was a great man, but I have a question...

SERGEANT 2: Tell me

SARGENTA 1: What was the song you sang with him?

Sergeant 2: Oh, a very beautiful one, one that should be our anthem.

INTRUDER: Well, come on.

SERGEANT 2: (Sings) Love, love, love, love, love, love. (Encourages them) Follow me,

all, now. (Sings) Love, love, love, love, love, love

There's nothing you can do that can't be done.

Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.

Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game

It's easy.

All you need is love, all you need is love,

All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.

All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

All you need is love (all together now)

All you need is love (everybody)

All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

The rest join in singing, while slowly it becomes a

dark.