SAMUEL FRENCH, INC. ‘PLAY PUBLISHERS AND AUTHORS REPRESENTATIVES) {45 Wist 2514 SEREET NEW YORK, NY 10010-2751 ae PBSSSR BED DID 205-8990 FAK 212) 206-1429 Ken Ludwig's ‘MIDSUMMER/JERSEY Coma / 5m, 2, plas eros (doubing asi) / Simple St Midewnmer/ona ie the hilarious high ocane recelng of Shakespeare's ‘Midsomer Night's Dream set on the boatdvalk of 4 seaside town ia Inoderny New Jeney. The sory revolves around the impending tnarrage of the Govemor of New Jersey, the love ais of four beads bound high school ershes, a Ivey cle of faies and the sai ofthe local beauty salon (run by Batti Quince snd Spist Nikki Botiom). The Aight tikes» magical tur when Oberon and the impish Puck ative on the Scene alfued with a pomeful love pion and a desire for mischief, making With several weddings and the ating careers of sx beautcans Dangng in the balance, the lovers take to the boardwalk, backed bj pop music and an iPhoneoleesed wood spre. “Am explosive combination of brasy pevonalities and bold hilar” Fase Sation Patch ae REGIONAL OFFICES & BOOKSTORES NT IACT ONE | Prologue | (A nigh scoot oudtorium in Wildoved, New ry | ‘Then i 0 podium in the middle ofthe stage ad TAERIGA PAT, the principal ofthe sedis sadn i | bold Sh on inielign idleaget oman ith | ie ses of) | [PRINGPAL PLATT. Good afternoon, boys a i | (ds ore sotined sn srius parts of i iris tnd hy anor “Good morning Mis Pat”) ‘As Principal of Wildwood High School here in | ‘Wildwood, New Jerse, wane to welcome all of you toMupsuwnegeesey ‘oar board of directors determined at their lst meet ing that dese two indlidals should ot be invited to speak to you a our gathering cody, (van) However..om this occasion, I decided to summa the Doar, because T know that you all worked very ard this year, and frankly ou dezerve a break, (The Rds tp sagt and tt tesng) ‘and so, though T may end up regretting this deci- sion, pleate welcome Mia DiCarlo and Lye Fagili, Jnown throughout the coantry as Cookie and the Understatement [ELE ent fom te bac ofthe ter and down the ‘ie. Te judg by appearance, they ar the ne pls a, te hgh of cals, te bomb ea) BILE Heya guys 2M, ¥, high school. [MLR Hey keep ic col, wl ya 'm goin’ deat up here sapsunoER/ERSEY the Looe and the Lucious” has just for Seaton Six, startin’ this Sunday at {ACK Buc Lyle you're the Understatement! How could you doit {SLE. You kos how iis; man, Young and stupid (aa ge hie dope slap.) IME. Hey, come on, I respect this gl. She was my gitlk Fiend! CALELSEA. So how did itbappen? ‘BARARL How’ la get married? IML Wt asked who? ‘MUA Shall we tell "em? MLE, They won't believe 0A Le’ tll mn anyway. We've got Uke a half hour ie and I don't have nothin’ ee 1 35. wiz. You wanna str? Maa You go-ahead. NE. Okay, So. Evexybody, I want you te close your eyes ‘and imagine yourkeles, six Jears ago ~ we Were just oun high tehool ~ and we areata eally for the ‘Govemor of New Jerseysaosoumensensey ‘uma. The Gonemor Governor? {ACR You mess Governor Athen? 3A Ye, tam. My mom works for hm. She's is {hie of Stat We were a this really coo elecon ‘aly wih poster and ite fags and sa and’ nan about tein tha the Cover was planing got ‘mavedhimelt. (Thess changing) "7 So want you wo thisko ut loki’ year younge, andinagne oder ahr He rand ene 4M, And she’s sain’ ove be ooki’ up 2th hop? hel get reiected, Ane tune o het and be ye {SUE Now hi Hippos our wag howe ‘rawr on aaee 1s. Four happy digs ‘Another moon; but ©, methinks how slow This old moon wanes. She Hager ny desices Like w step dame or a dowager ‘Long withering outa young man's revenue sapsu UE JERSEY Scene One (And wove af Be roll: GOVERNOR ATHENS i in Nis coy 40s, young and hi, a Geet fellow, and TMEPPOLSTA ite perfect wife for him. Sart, pat, ‘nd ssi.) (antes joins th opening sbach on abe the ne NUE ots the sec ath hig th dca along UMA and ie high sho) ATHENS. She lagers my desires Like ro astep dame ora dowager ‘Long withering outa young man's revenue. LHIPFOLYTA,(destoping ATHENS ade) our days wil quickly steep dhemscties in night, Four night wil quicly dream aseay the ime, ‘Which means you've got to coo baby, and wait (Pinus TRAIT ext. She's te Governors etary, ‘and she cares «notepad ATHENS. How are the plans for she wedding coming slong? PINLLIS, Ob, excellent, it Lo of pomp and merriment ATUENS.No problems hen? EYL No, si. Well. There has been a suggestion by the ‘art conmmnunity that some form of public entetaine ‘ent be provided, and I thought vy ihe meting anon Oe Bre thy hve wae de ue, nan, ow ba a ber ony ewe saan GovERNOR OTE Me ip in may ot ta Gone ondfat te- 3) Lene st JUSTINE. (of) us op ir 5oung ads? 2 (Dt a st. of Fomor er ofp And edged 9 Ws ase (Pacing in hid them oer DAML, Hi ‘he a, we ass Grae Aes Cae at tn oa ep Saif, an adult.) ose oe SO Ges pt ti you © you fo gite me one of those whatye pecs YEW hehe ope dos ony IBLE. How ya doon? How yx dooa? DMI, But Mas sying no fort pd ar od and. (0 ATHENS) She met his four weeks srpsusoeER JERSEY ® Swan bek pw ew he eat te ay ss yas appt’ mara ae doyou mat om me, Tin one ih Le you wanted you should stop nagging’? ems, fring 14) Yu eae sau Plan Dy i’ es ‘was my girjriend, ya know. You stole her from xin Get outa here! She wat ted of you and T wonder ths Lyle came along, | bewiteing her withee suosusncen/sERS8 a me You do need your putea consent unl yeo're “That could pol sing, Or what yos did He out ae Trance fom some hore, pani dacose, oh? eraser tas ‘Gh could mess things up for us as couple. Ya see, tnean you'r kl’ me here! You might aswel send Tie fl of changes, Mia ft moves a fasts igbining, srs Mi 0) aa Ya 0 You your motes shoul bea go So guick right eng comet confsion* (Bes Than this srt ag with ig) aa Helen Kells? ‘And your mother obviously thinks & lot of Denis SLB, Avatar 2a. ow wiz, Now listen, I've got an ia Tuners ster once semowed, and | leon) Governor, Lye and Tare deep deeply leak outa your hove tomorrow night seeemeesin aha ecumeperete te ieee ikea | the law. (ta HEPPOLYTA) Am ¢ right? * | ‘won iLwait these for you. imeem ASE ERATE an AEDS. (at) Deni aie, ke to peak to Fosityou dns New NP MOE (te, ft TIN | {hist SA end ts eben age) { MGA. Ob, Lyle, what are we gonns do?! Mua And by the Irie of our favorite Beales sg, a. By an iin hat Fees ok, a yall pe ous tar ve broke, | Mn bythe dayne mead sisted messi’ ‘ ‘rie, By the remix of Madonna's Like A Virgin, a { da Bye howe Tve weed on MIN he parent of te guy don’ ike dhe gi i $208, Tomorrow tly wil Leet with thee a bar, ‘ ‘MA, Look, here comes Fielene!supsusres sense He calleme the Prisoner cf Akan, ‘Te him fm nothing and be should be mine. ‘Oh teach me how 19 make my juice and his combine! ta yea ae prove, Weg Pe, wae. Canada. = ‘MIA. You sid they speak Freneh! Whatever, Anyway, wee MA See, tomorow nih, Ll and I ate meeting a che ish ah ny tnd we tal un for 8 onthe ood cate of youre Sky cold eave ive seach nui Bex ence, untae Til Mad And good luck with Denis. Ire doesn’t masry yOu, come back and beat he crap out f him. amg You gotit aa Bye Yo MA. See you tomorrow. 1MLb, Yeah sure. Case ee mus starve ou sight rom lover food, ll morrow, deep midnight” aa, Avatar? {Mb The Sings Maa. Whoa. ‘wtb. Helene, be good, MA and Ls, the epost veins) ants. (lot) How hcky can you get? Do you know tere jump off build she is, bat eabuton and wants to marry hit. Gan you imagine hat thelr Bids would be ike? “Ha, hoy, come Tok! The “‘Seeking the love that al ous mus seek. ‘Wish me luck, (Ste hurses off) (od of see} Scene Two (toe inside a haindessing Salon clog ie oardva fares cea of Alon iy just of csing tine Wi se the sual chai th dye tah, alongwith nos, cule, ae hase ns stacks oss ews on ol the ales, We os se @ sgn a 503 HAIR AND GONE. HAIR, NAILS. TANNING, MANICURES. ‘When te igt came wp, the empl (0 female Ont ra ave sing a th ef dy PTT QUINCE {sheng soma PET the ue of he shop, {asad er mie wth right isch ad tana hit) ‘ATT, Thank you for coating, Mes. Faccne. You look ten NET (ies one) Ee. ‘aK. T think you should call them one at a ime and sll hem what pases hey have ‘BaVTL Yes, Lhnow. Thankyou. Now heres the cast ist with The ames of all the actresses in he play which we pope lo Gadi be choten for she Coverners' wedding ryt (aqua of det) sana Yess! Now tel them the ame ofthe play and what is aboutapsunoeen/gensey [PATTL The play is called Roweo and Juliet and iis about ‘ove low and i dreadful consequences. Ald, Ooo (NUR. I°'s by Wiliam Shakespeare who's very bot atthe ‘ATT, Now Iwill al your names out one bp one and tll you what pars you're playing, All ght? Niki Bottom, Sols. ‘KG. Ready Ot, what pan do I have? I ean'wat! PATE Niki, anc you to play Rosso, (Oza. Aaa) [NIEKL, Oot I Ike that it's so touching. TL weep buckess ‘when T play him and the audience wil suffer right Along wath me. "Oh my oe! F must end ial” And yet my favorite types are usualy very strong women, Hike Blinn Naw Moos, ‘Jach!Don't ye touch Edad! He can api is eth re shar! That's how Cod made him (pious fe he ote gi) ‘Thankyou, thank you, Does Romeo have anymomenis like tae? PATTI Not exact. Frac! Fite, Tanning Special, RANGL In here, Pat. PATEL Franc, Iwantyou wo pli Jule RANGE Ishe a playboy, oo? ‘PATTI No, she's a ie, The beau gl that Romeo isin love with, She also ils hese, But only ater along speech rps yvER JERSEY and a very masculine voice, “Oh ule, what git ou ‘Shek in yonder baking wind!” a0! You wil play Romeo and Franci wil ply Julied ‘SiR. All ight, fine Fine! Go 00, PATTI Robert Sud, Shampoo, ‘RoREET, Right here, Pati rm, Thats right ‘Tena You mean Hike a chicken? PATTL No, thats a deep fer You playa religious fran TMhich i ike a priest except you've gota robe and a tare. ‘eax, (owing Pr cast) Tweas 2 tae? tara Pll explain later, And that leaves Janet Smog, ‘Manicures arm jane ov play eon a Paar in Romeo and juliet? foowe him up a lite. psn FL hope you have the part writen down because ma lite slow of say. ‘parr Nota probes. You can improste because its ott ing but rossing ve o ‘sams Oh let me play the Ho, too! You se roaring i pein! TEL go tothe 200 all the time and iste to hove strapping beast and just et ‘er rip, Roooat! oowar!Me, tco. / Get outa the way. / TL You wil play Romeo and nothing [NKR We wil meet at che each, as Pati sys, and there ‘we shall rehearse mott obscenely and courageously. ‘And remember: we ae ait, Our busines fs beat ‘And so be perfect and remember our motto exose nnn /7ERsEY » Dryers on Hicthe spray ‘And that’ the sai. (hey cute) (nd of ene)ACT TWO Scone One {Some on aro beach ar he weds, Boening.) (0 woul be operat ornary setting i did nat fontaine of fies of at nds: ets, sit, ‘oni pines vd pues. Since hs fis Be ar ‘he beah hy neo ip, fashionable saci) (eights come up, MOONBEAS ve, al 8 6 Go She earying ray wth aps filed th fl fr and ots of des en gins rid ting them foro pry At she dass rom tale ttle, ROB {COODRELLOW ees and wales har wih ensemen | omic ia mole puck bul can be lage yan aces os | ‘rowers le) OBI. How now pi? | | i | MOONBEAM. Under sun, under 009, | “Through ocean dough Waves | Over beach, over sané, | ‘Through caste, through caves, do wander every, Over ere = | SUNFLOWER. (popping up some elo m sage) A ver | bere! | “SuSE. (dt) But at the moment, e have a party 10 ‘puto.PEASERLOSSOM. (curying in, cary a fresmt witha Bow |= EOBWEB, Cobweb that int fined ye) AB Lok athe Hime! Ble, | Se 3) Agi Theme! ese, uri Tarde. (Stes ashing ROR touts igen the ht 0 she | -rorrus Tim of mixed race. toering snaked he hs in proving the “They're basing an axgument, ‘TURIEE, Ob they argue al the time MOTE. Atte drop of ‘conve. Ora wing. PIASEBLOSSOM. ‘Or any ol thing. (Phe ol ste and we ase ai ick) | arena oor ‘Don't yo keep up wih the pala: inigues? (He ioe py of Eee Magasne on tart pining | ‘egy ou in neo he ares) Look. Se forgot Mi | ‘tidy ad he wanted 2 BaD | | Taiy asd. He ty sates him feel ou {ats moment a ond Lx dash iy hand in Bad. ‘Ty stop suddenly on ok ack, ping they oven ten fol) sai. (to SUNSHINE) Excane me, Have you ven an annoying ‘ld woman who's tying to suffocate her daughter by being too sviee about eveyshing? ‘pews, (io uRTIE) Hi, I'm Denis 'm lookin’ fora ght Trued Mia, abouts Righ with aed scarf and ashou i er bag. ‘TURTLE She went shat a.Dens. Thanist (ie hiss TURTLE onthe chk andr off) ‘TURE. (ching ar cack) Tat was the best elaonship Te bad in months. (At wich pone LENE dass on She tps ond ks frond deport in eerydecion) ROBIN, (pining i the arog dirsion on pure) That ‘HTIENE. Thanls! (Se dashes off) ROBIN, Hahabahababababababal [MOONEAM. Bther I mistake your shape and atsinde (Orese you are that shrewd and naish dude Called Robin Goodtelon, “SUNFLOWER. And shey call ouPuck ight? ROBIN, Knock knock ‘MOONBEAM. Who's there? ORIN, Puck -MOONBEAM. Puck who? ROBIN. Puck you! Hataabata! ‘COB. Srnetimes ike Iobeer he escapes the sea ‘And clambers on the dockand wanders ee ‘And frightens alte girs unt they bray (The ms change a Horde auth The fies xe tisha aad hs au ghoeROIN al, 3 esas enor ond the mss etunst ok ad cntiats uit the acho) ‘Rated asthe dy hae were Bat Sana! spb ofa ows ot com) Arent rom, Hee ome Oso aera Sr ee yang ae = onsommOX ne se on fom Te) ‘rena si ks 8 or encnn t ootig ond Tal lous, Oberon? nave refuse Sis bed and comand Semele and Nausea and Ginger and (OBERON. THATS ENOUGH (Tiss compaie by atemendius om of de) “Howe dave you, when evryone knows how you worship {hat Governor Athens seatore, and turned Sh pen at aos ei He lo ot ee esp rack at hd. 7) TTEANIA Lakes up he rain ad sass ot, OBBRON Ss fiming) ‘OnERON. (1 nse OF {wl torment you for his Lu, Whi is cows by oul ‘OBERON. The arguments ofthe gods have alvays changed ‘he weather hereon Eat, ‘ROBIN. Ibeg your pardon?srosusonen/geesey ‘OBERON. He shot his arrow, RON. Ob. ‘OBERON. And he missed she gir, bu the arrow landed ‘wn giftto the opposite. wht are you doing? (ROBIN spomading Ws hak whe chang isl out fremror) ROBIN, Ob. Sorry. (OBERON. HU ou liten to ml Go fetch me that lower now! Taseume you know is power rpsesoER JERSEY DENS, Helene, would you leave me alone! Now Tyle and Mla? You told me they were fein aay. ou ticked me, didnt me here! [HELENE No, ofcourse not! DENIS, Look, jus just don! et youre ia wouble ‘ark out And you're ions. ‘umn. I Kinda doesn't mater 1 jst ram after you. saya {She tae is hand and he lls 0) NI, Would you stip dat! THILENE, No! And would you stop yelling at me! You hut thy fetings! Tm the git You're supposed tobe chasing hk ei? (esis to ase hg but he's fasta and angry that he just grams ond geste and jumps up od dan daar hs stand Ue eras)HELENE, (othe oudione) He's just so cute when he ges "ie pon tha hand Tee owe ‘hon Dramatic (Sie reson hi) ‘ORERON, Fare ie nel, Nymph, Before yo leave hese oot hb hain er 5 A, Pcl ou Ui bck {OREKON What ou ig? ROHN Nothing ee ee nen eee oT ares (eo Sb te anna ecceangea eae eee eee eae Toya ae a ae Pisa cmaret tena raria ae Seapets ve ae (ung name ‘on Sesame ae poermcaa ae ona hn en ause we've fairies, But if we were be indispensable. (dle starts ots ikon the mc} ROBIN, NO! Wait. lt gives you. the weather (OBERON. Sixty eight degrees with a canoe of rin. ROBIN, Urbaa Spoon. You can find aresanrant. ‘OBERON. You do my cooking oBIN. Ic has zapst Look! I cam tell you the distance DDeoveen Newark, New Jersey and Toxaloosa! ‘oBsRON. One thousand and eleven mils, 20 what's your pein ROBIN. 1F5 nt ai outa! ‘OBERON. Al right fine, t's very clever, very hip, now sive me the Hower 1p. Beep bol Bee ke thot A sort of postmodern flower cool ‘on2x0%, Hand me the Hower or 1 il ou ROBIN. Yes i (He ngs ot the flower and it glows wth magic. The lmer se msterous and vey powefil) ‘ORERON. Tnow a bank where he wild thyme blows, ‘Where onipe and the nodding olet grows, (Quite overanopied wit Iseiour weodbine, ‘With eet mukroses and wit eglantine, “There sleps Titania somedime ofthe night, {ale in these lowers with dances ind delight. ETarosunaeEa JERSEY s (MERON mt Andee se ro Reread ee | (Anotier part of the each. Enter TERRIA with her ‘hake Rt ea in dae Sel th’ oes nt on ast cag =) | “Then tell he beedes and the bats togo may, | ‘And koep the canker worms and grubs a boy. ‘And letme res. (The ais sng The muse of 0k somthing ath the feding of Upton Gi” by Bill or *Gan You isansesocen/sensey at Th ne Tih” Elin, 29 ends ft Hed nt a sp) Moonset Hence, Nowa wel | One af and sen (ie aa ee Aero mma OBEEON tes ad int a ahh tar jl ‘of the magic lonm0n. Why sewn ou aa Doltioryour te lw le {Love and languith forts sake, Be it lynx or cat or bez, Sorferdide with sly hi | | | | | DMT hak you should lee over dese ISLE, Dyan? Walt, [el ome poet comin on, ‘Three blades of grass, poe Iwo bod, One ve (he rinse efor epproa) scaled Haiku Which isa very short Swedish poesn. ‘a, Hey, that’s really good. And 1 got on: for You, 100. ‘Let see One ive. “Two bodies. [And ifyou touch me before the weddleg TH ill you. ate Hey, Cmon! Nothin's gonna happen. Lswear! Look, Nouv said vo me tat you love me a8 uch asyou lone ourself. Righe So by lying here with me, you! Tone, cause you'll be sleeping wit Youse sept ere fet im poeuy a de me, ‘Tea fancy word o8 yeah it's called a SLUT!S0 get Jour backside owt here and go over tee 1x12, Okay, okay: (he gos) Feel beter? na. Yeah, Thanks, And just think, ater we're marred, ‘wel be i’ nes to each other oer (ests, nd th the ipiatons of his it i (and sudden ols ory wove.) ‘os rls oe nfl sep. Then 1808 shrugs and oe the sae Thy both sre gt) (ROBIN ences) ROBIN, Through the forest green and yellow ‘Bat Thaven't spied she fellow. as. Now a's ete. ‘whats dhe word ey re with greasy hai an ‘Who breaks the hears Night and sence! Th Teather jacket. That Separate beds. She him but the chur ‘Sleep ever there Tdon"t Tove you ayaorel" Nx bm go0d (tte wars squnce te maple fave onto LE 1, tp.) ROBIN, Ob what the eck, i |apsuascen/susey (1s ou te Phe ad rb wth te floes, pressor eten dropred nines iat “ he loeb wee) ear send tie power, 3 Purple lowes, (He pss ato ba sp bal) Oerensfp (AMLE ad MIA continu sping as DENIS ras in, ‘hase Oy MELENE, Thy sop, both winded, HELENE eas np oth winded, (He starts tg.) \Walt'You wouldn't eae me here alone, would: r alone, would you? DENS. Why nod You staned it, What do you want from ry and I hat that. Whatever happened to rpseMotER JERSEY ood oid family values, Uke penmanship? 1 wat good Erfenoot you se, But chat intimidated al the boy. So en T pretended to be stupid 0 they could feel acho. But it didn’t work with Denis because he's ‘aj haa this thing for Mia. The big schmuck, (She alo ou her compo far makeyp ase Koel the vere) Att Tiook ike a bear No wonder Denis runs 3 Te hi wide my paw and crow ‘hm back in the stream, (She bos i th ror again.) Hate mrors, They nese He wo you. (Tn inh ino ‘ese Le ing on fhe gon btn er) Hey, teres jt Hey Lye Lyle. (ating his sudden he ‘he that he gh Pt Ue, please wake wp 32 8 you're fine! (RSLE ens is ees nd we Bear Ping! The sound of ¢ Fat. Weve ne fas ice tansy Hare Sou ofl) x11 do more than that fyou sty you'te mine ‘hh my Ga Pm ino with out? (She aks oer er soul tosh he taing MLENE. Me? Te, (draught wth ove) You've ike a godt You're Uke flower in May ‘Oh wher thnk ofall he tme we ew a, ‘And how we could bave been togeer every day ‘And Pd have Ke you sk Thad my — HELENE, Ob okay'But what about Mia? Lz, Mia? Oh, please. ited er once but dng ke that ue pas ‘Wid hee i's nag, nag, nag, what apni the mune ‘Ask Me not to belle this) You're making fon of me? jist cause Denis does’ want me you've Laughing a ‘net! ‘Rnd I thought you were such nice guy and you're Tring my feelings here! eS STsapsocen sense MBLENe, Get avay fom te! Tm get’ outof here! 6 facia E oftere! Gye! ‘They're soft and eute and make you fee ke new. (pump) (Oh Lov Gas, help me vin Halen he rave! ‘Ad wll be he fol ad save! (He rans off. Phen 308 wah up) DMA. Help! Lyle! Help me! And Yue! You just sat there and watched him while je? Where’ you go? Hey, Lye?! Lye! Yell back ifyou can hear met! 'm get’ a ile seared here. ‘And fi, Plt’ exit wo os fot! (Sterns) (ond of} (Tonks bos: Enter the CLOWNS. They don't [TITANIA ase) ner.) ET. (ov high reducer made) On ne, all here, ani the periocseftng for seca. Now dis fat pat here ‘il be our stage, we can change behind the shower, a. Pa? ‘PATTLYes, ob Nik Bottom? Dim. Te heen reading the script and 1 think there ae "pat that could be problems ‘BATT Such a? ‘NGL, Well first ofall, won't dhe aence be aad of the ‘even see the star ‘navn Tve thought ofthat a well, We sl hae lights wt 1s, now dort we, And we can pti’ theyee ars paver, What do you mean?aa glowing. We jue hem dec Sey 04D, Whats ewe lunging ere So near the cradle of tite sans, Gatit, And now Lest! ROBIN. And follow! (Enter IK as Rome, ul rnsfrmed ton as, faring af head ROSIN jlo histo.) a "0, speak again, bright angel for hou art iss Boris asthe neeehazaz!” (The gt aed ROBERT se KEY taformation an {ha sea!) ‘A, ASAABAAMDAAAAIEABAKADIADAE ATT, Ahh! How horrible! Girs, we're being haunted!supsuwcen sense rpseanicnn JERSEY 8 de! roa igre you wo and omg0et Oh, get 1 s¢6 aucth wha’ going "They'l puck the wings fom painted bates 4 practical joke, Theyre wying to make an ‘Tosa the moonbeams rom you sleeping ees t But I'm not leaving to mater what they do. Tit walk around and sing s0 Gey can hear that Ton not afaid The of them (MTR sng i four ns of mk song ith the Pease al of 7 Wnt To Held Your Hand” by the ts oF MOTE. And "mmania Be kd and courteous to this gerdeman. ‘Hop in his was and gambol in his eyes eed him with apricocs and dewbertiss, ‘With purple grapes, green figs and honey. “Thet ring him jewels and oor teasers ofthe deep, vay de betes so he seep eg? Tove the Beatle! “Tesana hold your What knight of the reat Along with sword and tackler? ‘And in your face Tse vite fir ‘That cannor help but make my heat declare And sear Hove you! ‘grmasia Now Let Ie Be. ‘NWR Ofy all ight, We can sl have A Hard Day's Night, can'twer -rrmants, Fl take you on 2 Magical Noster Tous, ‘Nim. Money Cant Buy Me Love, yu kao ‘TANIA. But Saw You Standing There! ‘Nom, Where? keep lide company nowadays, tocoras hin.) “know tow to ge ou ofthis pce. oe oe ‘TA. All You Need Is Lowe in with me so we may now are Sy. ‘The joys of ove gether Hold me cote. ise eae NIKE (Groucho Mars) I} held you any closer, Tbe ae behind you ec ass Ue No om ae ‘eee |» sansuwcen seen | surpsuseeR /TERSEY s “TTEAMLA Notjust anybody Scene Two ‘NE Help! "AIRE. (siging) YOU ANOW 1 NEED SOMEONE, (Anater Pot ofthe Wd.) aa, he oes tha ei af i 907 Seite and wi sight of 4 0k, SN pig od ws ty ina \ Sinan angus alas a) ' contort wonder # arias awake, nd wat iva hat ext cae Be (As TITANIA ead KE fo her Bowes Ue fie one ine 0 sing. Thy joined by the soundirack ofthe song tov hacen. Then fst 26 TEEANLA ond NIKE thing very tip ond vey wld and fun to dance to rn & the hottest :ong atthe time the shows is ro- ‘hn ei 0 pai, tS [rca ts Be MAO Psy Roch Anes, (ery ay Tim Shatin) and fa nc ‘ng the by fis of Ob danced wpa star At the ofthe exept, the tae snaps iach) (ites “That now se dotes on in extremity. (another iff ROBIN eter.) “ow now, ad spirit. Spil she beans (Gora ROBIN, Whee did you gett se? ee how (ete gar) ied on the beach. (sare rif) Is ees gus should tale souls out of gitar are made 9 sheep's gus. inal our ears and we aze moved. Therefore the gus sie ices ye ahr prod i | | | BORN.Ob. | CORERON. And wen they're plucked, the muse creeps | ay aout Rotten guy and is taing ow witha ql pen hem down an san Of. oder what Bape | fone wohin? (qatar Now tell mie: Titania and dhe magic lower. What seanspied? wT.eatue has explored inher sbase- ur what then caine to ‘Titania woke ~and susighvay eda aa bans, Cherp woman? Where would finda cheap woman round here? ‘MA, (shaking DENI violent Did you hit im! Did 90 at olen with mt! DN. a, op! ‘MOA. Tin iin’ Lye, you understand? Nw dao meal? (And ste stomps off) DENI, Tak about a highsmaintenance woman dhat gals — {(GNABY OBERON has pl forza ant opp is ners, ating DENIS isan os. DENI fal to fhe round and soe af OBERON tars tnhappi BORN.) ‘OBERON. You idiot ROBIN. But they look alike! I mean Rey Bans, leather jucket= ‘OBEKON. Nest sme ak im his name fr! All righ ‘Abo his wood go er an cafese rosusen/gERsey ‘OBERON. Is hl ike tha “le round the earth thing? ROBIN, Sor of. To show you how fst Tam. (OBERON. How fs are ROBIN. ean get her herein tiny seconds, OBERON. Do iin te, (ROBIN tale of tex OBERON pull ot he matic frend gti 008 9a ewe i ‘Shall we thei fond pageant see? ‘Lord, what fool there mortals bet iy x) meLE, Hut you're in Tove with ia? viz. Nocanymore, Don’ you listen wo me? [BRLENE She's I gree up geen (hing him) and T don’ even ike you anymore: Tm ia love with Deni MLE. Bul Deis dts ase You you ent his ng. (AY which moment, DENIS woke up and se HELENE, Pog!) ‘DENIS, Oh Helene, my love, would you acep his ring? “And sweat me that you ae min fr-er ‘And promise me that you wil never ever {Ghase another gu. ‘My God, you make me want ro cyl Tove out HELENE You ae ruc a crud! Both of you I can’t btieve this So what are you, iting around ene day an you let's make fin of Helene day” (Ua eters andthe ba Ick a he) ‘MUA Lyle, se Been lookin’ ll over for you! Why did you eave me? ELE, Why should Lay with you when lve was calling (0 Data, "Love?™ IMME. (taking HENE' hand) What else would you cali ‘ven you look nto somebody's eyes andsce the word? a, What are you saying? ‘a8, Pm saying that Pm in ove with Hal,oes cee weg eee Cems Tm i ont are fod fd tonight cae some a ‘Becta awh Tm en kta onl yar (She stots t sab of) MLE. She ito cute I could jut, ‘MUA Lyle? Are you makin fin of her? {UME Docs tisloa ike I'm maka’ Gn? (iss ELEN Or? Or caer ae? eRe me) aA. Eye! DENS av he aloe! She mia BILE She wine DENS. Do wanna make sovtin'of it? "Uh, wo atone of tp te pl ‘problem, Lyle? Te hat what Yam? (dancing ike ‘aber Come oh tae a ing Lal's go! Ulan so 30 dunt ox! we. Fig! pus, Watch it ME, Conf! [MRLENE. Is this how love can change us overnight ‘And rig to wrong ané wreng tonight? aa Ob sn KnoveleAll-You thie! You ir! You talkie, te Hide puppet. MUA “Puppeo" “PUPPET?” is that case youre 20 tall and ‘ng? Cause you look lke a sick! A Bead! A piece of etal loshin tp! (am cttecks HELENE, soo ducks and wavs loge ‘0 om er) [MELENE, Siop it! Get back! She may be short, but she's (0 seas and ges HELENE inch.) (Ow! Wouid you cutit out! Ihave aaa been there for yo aga, promise ENB. Helene, come on, we don't need tis,rpsuoreR JERSEY e munsuwocen/jensey ELEN | goa. know Thar’ what do for a ing (ie totes te hand and star toad her | Te ‘OBERON. You've mesied up eveything. RS“ sapsusounn ERs (Bvter ts amid oohe ond fe) {MLE Hey, Denis, where ate you nding, you coward? ‘ROBIN. (as DENIS) I'm right hese, you creept Where are DENI. Tye! Lyle! “ell me where'd ya go, ate you i dhe hus?) (Or do you have your bead crammed up your (DENIS eso ISLE rates) Cause “ep kite p the rarlledsleve of are.” sol dink da’ from Roly Gu. azz. (Ge fe asp and snares At which moment ROBIN tents lading DENIS wth is ce) {ROBIN (or 1B) Hey, Denis! You seared t find me and se? rpsusateR JERSEY 6 Ds, Are you sane?! You're talkin’ to “The Ne “Thats ny nickname! And yours is “Litte Wi CCanse Pm the handsome one and you're te shrimp! (ait) ‘goin’ on? Heel 0 roten bran is stuffed and fll of eon. Zaz. (le dope over i sap ond sons, Ther HELENE nts.) mane. Istated outwith all my frends tonight, ‘Bt now J haven’ go fiend in sight. ‘Capi is a knaish lad "Tho make poor females mad. aro is atu fo sete hore on X18, but he sighs (ind tres i wy. Isto he pois Ce nectar that (OBERON gave hie ste ant.) ROBIN, (ont) When thou wa’ take te delight "hn thy former ays sight And the country proverb knw, “That every sian should ake bis own, ‘In your waking shall be own. Jack ‘Naught sal go i "The man shall have bis mare again, and all hall be well, ACT FOUR Scene One (Tre beach, Rook mis) hates) “rmmawta Come sit you down upon this flowy chal, ‘While with your mane of mantines Ty ‘And sie and decorate yoor coif of hai, ‘and kiss your daring ear, ny geal oy. asa. No, make it even. ‘Where's Mote and Mosardsced? ore. Fm ready!mrpseuoten qERSEY ‘peaches there, {nea nice big lob of honeyo go wit (sings itn of ABBA sme) HONS, HONE, HOW YOU THRLL ME, UNBHUI, HONE “Avag of cats and nuis that as been hoarded ya sqleel in winer Dna, rather have a bow! of Quaker Oats, dear a. ‘wed to them, Bi wait he ery tought of food bat made me sleepy. Let none of Your fares str me now, ‘You asthe ry doer the sued elm, ‘0h how [love you! How I cote on you! (sR and STANEA sp ROBIN GOODFELLOW and (OBERON enter: Or ers OFEKON has ben watching loft avo fom a gh, (OsBKON. How now, young confston. What chinkest thou? ROBIN. I think confusion now has made his masterpiece. (He es.) This wold be quite & good time to buy that she was doting on a donkey, my oh my. She sid she Couldn't help i 1 sid T know fade it happen. She saDsusnvER JERSEY said the lower? Lead the ower and Tm the only one Iwo has the antidote. She said oh 20, sad ob yes, She sid oh plate, dhen came the tar and then the fereams,reeriminations, accusations, ter [And std she lowed me And Tlove her. ‘And then she bought me the Mustang. Eight cylinder, vatcam, fueHinjected with bucket ‘That she and all the others scattered ere May jon the Governor om his wedding day. {And please make sure “They think no more Of this night aceldents But as the fierce vexaion fa dream, Bus fre I wil elease the Falry Queen (ds opps the ati) Be a thou was meant tobe ‘See as thos wa meant ro ee ‘antidote to Cupid's flower as this force and bleséd power. rrtasta awates) ‘rrtANTA Ob, my Oberon! What vsons hare Ise! I chought was enamored of an ass ‘ORERON. Ther ies your lowe. [THANIA Abb! When, what, why where, how? ae EE SS[ROBIN, That's what Fd. -TrEAMTA Ob, I don't ke hiatal any more. (Sudden ct haar a ras and psig “Halt the (The fries disappear. GOVERNOR ATHENS and IIPPOLTA Bory on in ads of the ran of fi eyes.) ATHENS. Huy up! PPOLYTA. Chris, we can't jut dsappeatt [RIPPOLYTA.(nspesting) ee that boy and gi who wanted to wet marie. (as which ott STINE Dut in, deed for the wed (dng, She felled ty cay Mele man én se, thom is RUFUS and he ons fo chew on the hale (hs wd, JUSTINE ond RUFUS ae flo y Pris Tint onder mend of th eowroge.) 4estne, Ob, Governor, it's 0 exciting, But you shouldn't ‘un off like thay we have a Unousand things to do before the ceremony. rosuneER/SERSEY THES. (1 RUFUS) Helo. RUFUS. Hell, JUSTINE. Oh, dear dont belles you've ret my husband Defoe. Governor Athens, Mis H, my busband Ruths, supporvra How do you do. RUFUS. Helo. Justine, He usually keeps to himself on public occasions. He's extremely shy. RUFUS. Not realy JUSTINE Rufis, don't contradict HELENE. What happened?! {MLE How ya doon? How ya doon? Unb! Hey what’ goin’ HEPPOLYTA, (amused) Thats what we wat to know. lev's see.D can't fet aay from Mia's mot fren want us near each other, ia (Gt her? We caller the Dragon Lady. (He chucks.) (Oia GrabFace, The Walking Pain in ihe aah. ‘other Crabace {Justine That's rough! We can all see exity who you Toor tain about, and we Koow precely what che (Governor wil do about i! Arrest hat boy immediate a SSSRxs, What for {TOSTINE, For abducting a minor! RUFUS links.) And we caught tem justin me Denis, you must be rorclievet ‘DENIS. Well, tote you the uth, don’t care what chy do. “Timean, ail Tnow i, Pin love with Helene. (He tas LENE aad ahs apy.) (Ths couse Le an MIA 0 ebrace) esTINE Our of the question! (oL¥LE) There is no way ia ithe world you ean marry a gel who's seventeen year lo ar toe ith! (tock, then an expision of and eveyone ches ‘sp JUSTINE) aA, On, yes! Ob, Daddy! Ob, Lyfe! PpOLYTA. Aad nine months ater, at pops the Hower (he pats her somach, Shs excing,) ATHENS. Wha? Really? ‘MIPROLYT Tiles, (de sagges backward) Aries, Then sound che mumpets! (The samp sound) And let’ just hope Twin reelection. (The offitas bad play “Helio he Chi” eserone but the fur lvers lose th sage, The lors watch the, (the ok at eachother, unsure att th) sai, ..Da you remember anything from lastnight after we me. Willan, (The cups walk of, hand hand. Wh ge, ‘am ches adie om Tt’ rae)Scene Two (enter he terse, ites) ‘PATTL Have you checked at Nibe's house! Is she home (She suns off End of ene) your! (The gis oak heaorvand. They dsp thé hands in rose ls thre and tot moving he Bs, pray ng sent. NRE enters blind he, She sees hot they ding. ge tn Big clasts her hands and las ‘praying with ham. Than she sss foFRANCL) ROBERT. Wort? ‘TERR What do you mean? JANET. Nik pe ETACT FIVE (The la of Governor Athens’ manson. The four loos ran fy lated end Bost. Ty just cme fave to Keep Our heads high and “O fora muse of ced the igi hades of Brenton!” $0 LOVERS, Whoo! / Whoa! / Marl! / Weve mae / fb HELENE, (flashing her wadding ving) Fley Gov, di ya see ‘tue!MEDSUNMERJERSEY ATH Itsounde gruesome an alec atthe same time. [MUPFOLYTA. "Romeo and Julieta tediously bref and rol- Ticking tragedy of suicide, destruction, and Scots: dancing, resented by the af of Hai and Gone, the ‘Bnest Beautician East ofthe Alani” [AmHENS, Tedious yer brief Relcking yet rag? Is that possible? HLL. Yes st es. ve read ee short, bute feels end Tess And they've Kept the wagedy utd to improve [MIRPOLSTA Improve Remo and Jui? ‘ERLE, They've changed the dalogue and added a ion, PIMLLS. Hilarious, sr After the first two characters die, you just keep wishing the rest ofthe cast would take the hint smPoLxTA, And who are these Beautcans tha play PHYLLIS, There imple peopl, ma'am. They 7 they've ever acted before, bucaprarenty that’ an understate ‘ment. They've decided that the one who remembers the most ines get prize. ppOLYTA Tike them alread Tell hem they're on. ATHENS. Agreed. pPaLiis Ob, no ma'am. Peas, You musi’. heard dhem. Teearsng and itvas emburasing. ses Have you ever studied Shakespeare, Pbyli? aus. No sir -ATWENS He hat one of his heroes say that “mer anything cm be ass When spe and dy ee i” Shall we be Shakespearean, Phyl? IMLS, IFyou ay 8, st “ATHENS, Good, go cll them, Ladies and Gentlemen, take your places. rosueen JERSEY (As the tate thr seats fo th entrtaient 8 oe Ivar HELENE and DENI tale) DENIS, Hey, yu can't eave the Lobster sober. You're a ‘waitress. You make good tps [MMLENE. Yeah, but Iwan to go back to school and learn es of margin in some techrostocks I've got a's good. Go back wo schoo. (Enter the PROLOGUE onto a makeshift stage 15 [SET She tei fbi he eter toto.) we offend you i's beause we've tied. ‘To not offend you, but to giv you pleasure, ‘We pray that you enjoy our pla, expecially [Acthe end when we expote ourseive. “To the wonders ofthe buman spirit, Which are so tremendous that mere words And gestures cam convey it” arm "Can notconvey it” {JANET “Not convey ie” Do Thave to say al thi? I Just want 10 tell dita ko enjoy wheelies. aT Just say your part |WNEE, “The actors are athand to tll ws ue “That fe is more than halrouss and sampoo. “That if t love and death and all beween, eTaN: fon) Which in ou humble play will now be seen” ‘We hope you ike i (QANET rash thls fo Kn em brs and ruses of the stage. The loos clap.) And last ofall we introduce the Lion, rightful, ferocious, fearful ound of Zion (RATTL motions fo JANET fo come on slag. She dats, Ielcanty wowing Kon cottons fom which Ber Bead ‘rena. Our play be ‘Our loved fall in Jove a ancient dance, ____ FGhaage orate Wake ances Robe ppd surpsunoeea JERSEY a (eM slret TERRL, wl 5 olding eater a ip TERE hae frit tfur H on TERBY gs (ond tne i on with @ cic) “Bots, what ight breaks yonder window las? sty love who ice in dhe East, eTe © sapsuotenspinsey MiDsu MER JERSEY ® ROMPO/NIKKE cot) Who takes her lover Romeo rie 2 wel, {LET RANGL (etrng ono Bans) "0 Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? Dea thy father and refuse ty name, (0-1 no longer be 2 Catapu" [ROMEO/NIKKL “Let me Kis you in your bedroom and your all” {oUET/TANGL “You ts Kes mean my balcony, "ROMEO IKK “Fhen marry me, beg, at break JULIET/FRANGL “Tide lf, tide death, I come without ‘iy (Thy exit) ‘BALCONY/ROBERT, “Thos have Ty par discharge so, "And acing done, so Balcony es go.” a eS SESS‘PATTI ‘That’ right, my dear 1's meant to create auno- sphere faethe Sal scene, whic is very agi but also Inspiring Go abead, Franc. JULIET/ARANGL “Asleep, my love? ‘What, dead, my dove? ‘© Romeo are! ‘Speak, speak. Quite dumb? Dead? Dead? A tomb (Te cart members hase taken ou thecal phones ond to ight" Tha ce them soy ass rennin in imation of he music ofthe (Phe gis begin hunssing something ining, along te ties of You've Got A Friend, or Katy Perry’ Fireworks, Ther sould bea gentle ores Bind a! She'l sce by sagt! nLry urs 4 ax coryone dances bind the acs who sph the ‘ual words ofthe ply, The dancers sit have hcl ‘pions ot 9 they alight wth swing Manes tf stars ling ond ping.) _AEHENS. (rth ui) The ron eongue of ridnight hat told twee. overs, to bed. K's almost ty time. (ATHENS ond HPPOLYTA tate hands ond join the [HELENE Oh you ae 0 fl fit. Crvere. (She ses DENTS outifly ad thejin the dance.) (ais magi nau.) (Enter OMERON, TTTANIA, ROBIN and al the rth aunes. The the dancer.) (suk, Dong. Out hf ie ening fi li he mpron ing na of sumph and jo.) Li ad of Py