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FIXer-UPers "Foundation"

"When a washed up reporter inherits her father's television production company, along with his massive debt, she has no choice but to make it profitable with the help of a ragtag Home Renovation crew."
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0% found this document useful (0 votes)
257 views35 pages

FIXer-UPers "Foundation"

"When a washed up reporter inherits her father's television production company, along with his massive debt, she has no choice but to make it profitable with the help of a ragtag Home Renovation crew."
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
You are on page 1/ 35

FIXer-UPers "Foundation" Created by Rick Barcode Developed by Rick Barcode, Kyle Anderson & Angela Johnson Written by Kyle

Anderson, Rick Barcode, Jan Flugum, Darron Burrows, Spike Kittrell & Kyle Jones

Rick Barcode (702) 324-4131 Rick_Barcode@mac.com

INT. SMALL OFFICE - MORNING A blond woman in her early thirties, NICOLE, sits in very nice business attire. INTERVIEWER O.S. What do you think you could offer a team? NICOLE Im not a person that gives up. Im a person who believes you HAVE to believe. The things you fear are undefeatable not by their nature but by your approach. Thats a Jewel quote. INTERVIEWER O.S. Why did you leave your last position? NICOLE I had a little bit of an episode, but as you can see on my resume I attended anger management training "the skill of staying calm" with Dr. Hautbrouwler. I passed with flying colors. INTERVIEWER O.S. So that explains your six month gap in employment... NICOLE Well, ever since I moved back to LA, Ive been trying to find a new direction. INTERVIEWER O.S. Enough with the Jewel quotes. NICOLE (correcting) No thats... We finally see the INTERVIEWER, Hes a sixteen year old in a screaming neon green uniform. INTERVIEWER (interrupting) I dont think youre Yogurt Squirt material. Listen, you seem really nice Ms. Quencher, but this aint (MORE)

2. INTERVIEWER (contd) like ice cream, if youre gonna be out there slingin gurt we need someone with a little more juice if you know what I mean. Nicole blinks for a moment, taking in a deep breath. NICOLE Is this interview over? INTERVIEWER Its been over since before you came in. Beat. INTERVIEWER (whispering) Im gonna hire my girlfriend. He gives two thumbs up. Nicole returns a forced smile. CUT TO OPENING TITLE ON AN IPHONE SCREEN... Against a green screen. WRENCH, a large black man in his mid-thirties, stands in a skintight teal underarmor shirt and spandex pants. WRENCH (screaming) Im Wrench Adams! Do you need to calm down?! Wrench is suddenly dressed very proper, sipping tea. WRENCH (calmly) Need a tastefully crafted space for any lifestyle? Wrench is suddenly dressed normal. WRENCH Im introducing my new, radically manly--TM. Interior Decorating Service. Softcore Interiors for a Hardcore World. Dont let a tough day make you hard, let Wrench make it soft for you when you get home.

3.

Wrenchs name and phone number flash on the screen. INT. YOGA STUDIO - DAY Wrench and Nicole stand in the middle of an empty yoga studio. Wrench takes back his phone. Shes covered in sweat, her hair is a mess. Nicole snaps out of a daze. NICOLE (supportive) Wow... WRENCH Im sorry. Id love to keep helping you become the most calm you, but its my calling. I make those rooms look cute. The veins in Wrenchs neck pop. NICOLE I can feel my negative aura. Can you? Nicole walks closer. WRENCH Please. He steps back, equally. WRENCH I can feel it from over there. I recommend you go home, wrap a warm towel around your head and go through some breathing patterns. NICOLE Will that help? WRENCH I dont know. Ive never done it. Beat. WRENCH If you fear the futures yesterday, the past will never cease to be todays tomorrow.

4. NICOLE That makes sense... WRENCH In six months of sessions, Ive seen a lot of positivity in you. I promise this is just a rough patch and its almost over. Nicoles phone rings. She picks it up and puts it to her ear. Nicole is still standing the same way, still in her yoga clothes, but the background has become a legal office. NICOLE Somebody better be dead. JACK Im sure youre wondering why Ive gathered you all here... ON A SCREEN A man in his fifties, JACK, sits in a high back leather chair. Jack tires to keep a straight face but cracks up. We PULL BACK... INT. LEGAL OFFICE - DAY Nicole teary-eyed, and a man in his late fifties, FRANK, are sitting in a law office. Behind Nicole two awkward men, BORIS and RUDOLF, in matching sweaters sitting on a couch. Frank laughs with Jack. FRANK Classic. JACK But really... This video is to tell you IM STILL ALIVE! Awkward beat. JACK Just kidding. Im dead...Now, Im sure you all miss me very much. You better. Or Ill haunt you.

5. Nicole looks puzzled. JACK Youre right, Ill work on that. Anyway, lets give some stuff away. Jack picks up a piece of paper. JACK To my estranged Hungarian cousins Boris and Rudolf. They both stand. JACK I give you, your freedom. They look at each other and leave. JACK To my best friend Frank Hall, youre welcome to retain your position as office manager. Also, you get the good Foosball table. FRANK (to himself) Thats my Foosball table. JACK To my daughter Nicole, love of my life; Im leaving you the most special thing I have. Ha. The only thing I have. The company you grew up with... Frankly Jacked Television, youre in charge now sweetie. This is my legacy. The LAWYER, a very calm, stoic man with little emotion. LAWYER Ms. Quencher, I dont want to, but as your lawyer I am required to inform you that you have inherited back taxes. Nicole takes a deep breath, and lets the information soak. NICOLE (trying to be calm) How much? Lawyer glances down at a document.

6.

LAWYER $50,000.... Escalation of shock continues. Lawyer glances back down at a document. LAWYER Annually... Nicoles mouth attempts to find words. Lawyer glances down once again. LAWYER (smiling) ...for the past seven years. Beat. Nicole looks crushed. LAWYER Wow, you should see yourself right now. You look like youre about to lose to a pint of Haagen Dazs. Frank sees how flustered and overwhelmed Nicole is, he puts a comforting hand on her shoulder. NICOLE How are we supposed to pay that?! LAWYER Listen, if I was you, Id look at myself naked all day long, but dont worry, theres other ways around this. Frank jumps in. FRANK Okay. Worst case scenario? LAWYER (smiling and positive) Jail. I think. NICOLE (panicking) Jail?! LAWYER Well, Im glad I could help. Im late for a three oclock tomorrow.

7. The lawyer stands up. Frank and Nicole take the cue and also stand. The lawyers shakes Franks hand, and then Nicoles. LAWYER Listen Ms. Quencher, you have a production company. Pump out an Oscars or something. You still have a couple of months before the KGB catches up. NICOLE You mean the IRS? The Lawyer gets very close to Nicole while walking out. LAWYER (whispering) This goes deeper than you think. The Lawyer slowly walks out of the room backwards. He and Frank maintain awkward eye contact as he leaves. As the door is almost closed he gives a small wave. Nicole and Frank are alone in the law office. FRANK Listen, youre not alone in this. Come by the office tomorrow morning, say 2pm. NICOLE 2pm? FRANK (patronizing) Welcome back to LA, coocoobird. INT. OFFICE - MORNING The office door opens with a loud, annoying buzz--Nicole walks in. The office is poorly lit and depressingly Grey. A small Jewish kid in his early 20s, Jacob, is leaning against a cubical eating an apple and playing on his phone. Hes oblivious to Nicole entering. NICOLE (bubbly) Hi! Jacob looks up.

8. JACOB (surprised) Who are you? Howd you get in here? NICOLE Hi, Im Nicole. I work here now. Jacobs face lights with a big smile. He takes a bite of his apple. He reaches out and grabs her hand for a handshake. He shakes it vigorously. JACOB (Mouth full) Put er there. Welcome aboard. Im Jacob. She awkwardly and politely pulls away. NICOLE Thanks. Where is everyone else? Jacob looks around and takes another bite of his apple. JACOB (Mouth full) Oh, they dont come in until the late afternoon. This is LA. Nicole sets down her briefcase down on the table. NICOLE Are you the receptionist? Jacob looks behind him, as if shed be talking to someone else. JACOB Well Natalie... NICOLE Its Nicole. JACOB ...Im a financial analyst, but you can call me a fan-an-alyst. NICOLE Actually Its Nicole. So youre an accountant? JACOB Just graduated. UC Irvine--go Anteaters!

9.

NICOLE Why are you just eating an apple then? Shouldnt you be account-ing? Jacob looks at the apple and laughs. JACOB Mozart wrote while eating. NICOLE I dont think thats actually... JACOB (Interrupting) Well while the boss is away the fan-an-alyst will play. NICOLE The Boss actually passed away. Nicole hands Jacob one of the HAND-OUTS FROM THE FUNERAL. Jacob sits down slowly. His eyes start to water. JACOB (voice-breaking) Why do the good die young, Nabuki? NICOLE Errr Its Nicole. Jacob looks at the apple. JACOB I cant even eat this. Oh god. Oh God! Jacob throws the apple in the trash. Jacob stands back up. He starts pacing and holding his head. NICOLE Are you okay, there? JACOB No, Natasha. A man has died. Have a little sympathy. Jesus. NICOLE Excuse me?

10.

JACOB We need to make arrangements. Is he in bed still? NICOLE No, I think you think... JACOB (interrupting) I know a couple of guys thatll move him as long as its under 20 yards. We could put him in a... Jacob makes a pushing motion. JACOB Paramedics have them... NICOLE A stretcher? JACOB (excited) Oh youre good, I can see why they hired you. A loud buzz Frank enters. Nicole turns around. JACOB Frank! Youre alive, Have you heard, Mr. Quencher is dead. Dont worry, I have family thats willing to touch deadies. (Jacob whispers to Nicole) Thats code for dead people. FRANK No, Jacob, thats his daughter. Shes the new boss, she can fire you. A loud buzz. Nicole looks away. Frank looks at Jacob while Nicole is looking away and shakes his head no. Everyone watches a very clean cut Asian woman, DEBBIE (24), walk in.

11. DEBBIE Sorry Im late. Hit and run, not my fault. Debbie sits down at a desk. A sign that says "RECEPTION IS NOW (CLOSED)" gets flipped to "(OPEN)". DEBBIE Hello, Welcome to Frankly Jacked Television, Im Debbie. Nicole turns to see her. NICOLE Hi, Nicole! Nicole reaches out a hand. DEBBIE You look so...familiar. Debbie stands up and leans into Nicole. JACOB I knew it! Nicole gets noticeably awkward. JACOB CONT. You know, you always think youre ready to meet an internet celebrity, but as soon as you do, youre not. Jacob starts pulling out his phone. FRANK Internet celebrity? How does that work? Jacob takes a picture with Nicole. JACOB (while taking photo) Selfie! NICOLE (interjecting) Can we get to work? FRANK Sure, lets talk shop. Jacob looks at his phone.

12. JACOB Wait. He takes another. He looks again. JACOB Okay, now Im done. They walk into Franks office. Jacob awkwardly looks around. Jacob walks over to the trash, picks the apple back up, and takes a bite. INT. FRANKS OFFICE - DAY Frank and Nicole sit down. NICOLE Lets cut to the chase, how were you guys making income until now? FRANK Oh, that was all the Mucho Hijos money. We landed a huge catch with that. Consistently the number four Mexican soap opera for 15 years, and the actors didnt want HD, so they used all the equipment from 15 years ago--it was great. NICOLE What happened? FRANK They had to end it, it came under fire for blurring the lines of incest. They flew too close to the sun. NICOLE So we cant get "Mucho Hilow" back? FRANK Mucho Hijos, and...whatever is Spanish for "no". NICOLE No. FRANK Im telling you, no one is gonna touch it.

13. NICOLE No, No is Spanish for no. FRANK No way. NICOLE I swear. Frank stands up. FRANK Jacob! Beat. Jacob opens the door. JACOB Hey! FRANK Do you know the Spanish word for no? JACOB No. NICOLE See? JACOB Si means yes. FRANK No, no? NICOLE Enough guys. We need to talk about this debt. JACOB We have debt? I thought we were still getting that "Mexican-incest-money". FRANK Nope, they flew too close. JACOB So... Jacob closes the door.

14.

JACOB Whats the damage? Nicole pauses. NICOLE About half a million in back taxes. FRANK (flatly) Plus interest. Frank gets out a MONKEYS PAW. He starts playing with it. Nicole notices. NICOLE What is that? FRANK I dont know. Its weird, right? He puts it back. NICOLE Is there any money in the bank? Do we even know? JACOB You want to rob a bank? NICOLE No, do we have enough for a pilot? JACOB Yeah, we have around fifty thousand. NICOLE Lets make a new Mexican soap. FRANK No dice, MexicoHD just got CSI. Its all theyre watching. Its just a sea of CSI over there. Just a sea. Debbie walks in. DEBBIE Braindrain?

15. FRANK Sure. JACOB Oh! I have the perfect thing for this. Jacob pulls out his wallet and gets out a piece of paper, he unfolds the paper. NICOLE Braindrain? FRANK Braindrain. I always thought the name was too spooky, its just whenever we were making big decisions, wed let everyone be in the room, so if anyone has a great idea it can be heard. It was your Dads thing. NICOLE Wow, smart. Any great ideas? FRANK Not yet. Jacobs paper is now fully unfolded. JACOB I have prepared a list of potential TV shows for this very occasion. All these ideas of completely of my own design. 1. "Are You Older Than This Turtle" DEBBIE I am older than a turtle. JACOB But are you older than this turtle. Jacob is reading his list pacing. FRANK Thats good, I should pace, Ill think better. Frank and Jacob switch places. Jacob starts typing at the computer. He looks down at his list again.

16. JACOB Cajun Mythbusters. DEBBIE Why Cajun? JACOB Cause I know a couple of curious Cajuns and the world has too many questions. NICOLE There has to be something we can try. FRANK No, trying is something a whale does before it dies. Audio starts playing. NICOLE (through computer speakers) "Today the East Side Beauty School is offering free hair trims, to trim down on your budget." We see the computer screen now. Nicole is sitting in a barber chair with a huge cover over her hair, hiding it. There are logos for a news station all over the screen. Her Microphone has a big cube around it that says 9NOW. NICOLE (through computer speakers) "The talented students here are really a cut above the rest, and to prove it, I let them take my locks, for a spin." The cover lifts and half of Nicoles hair is mangled and ruined. She looks happy, and turns to face a mirror. NICOLE (through computer speakers) "I cant wait to-" She sees herself and turns around furious. The camera-man starts getting more shaky. NICOLE (through computer speakers) "YOU!" Nicole runs at a woman in a smock.

17.

NICOLE (through computer speakers) "YOU RUINED ME! YOU DESTROYED MY BEAUTIFUL-" Nicole starts trying to put her underwater in one of the shampooing pools. NICOLE (through computer speakers) "YOU WILL FEEL ITS PAIN" Several people drag her off. NICOLE (through computer speakers) "DONT EVEN TRY TO STOP ME, IM FULL ON BANANAS." The video cuts to an anchor in the studio. NEWS ANCHOR (through computer speakers) "Looks like Nicole is having a close shave. Well be right back." Nicole looks sad. Jacob is smiling. Frank is still pacing. NICOLE And just like that, my career was over. JACOB Oh, the remix is great. A remix starts playing, sampling parts of the video. Actors against green screen badly act out the video. Jacob is dancing in his chair. He looks up at Nicole, and turns it off. JACOB Its still not old. Im instagramming this tweet. Jacob is taking a picture of the screen. Jacob looks again at his list. FRANK "Haunted Sex Tapes" Who touched me there?

18. DEBBIE Thats already ghost adventures if you watch it tied up in the tub. NICOLE Why would you be tied up in the tub? DEBBIE No, its cool. Im an escape artist. What can you do Nicole? JACOB 3. "Extreme Home Takeover". Its like extreme home makeover but we really violently kidnap them. NICOLE As apposed to peaceful kidnappings? DEBBIE (frustrated) Then whats the point? FRANK Actually, my parents have been buggin me about remodeling. If we shot the makeover, Id kill two birds with one stone. DEBBIE (earnestly) The trick to getting the third one is curve. Frank rolls his eyes. FRANK I met this handyman at a Dodgers game. NICOLE You know a handyman. I happen to be BBFLs, with an amazing up-and-coming interior designer. JACOB BBFL? NICOLE Bikram buddies for life. Jacob laughs for awkwardly too long.

19.

NICOLE Well thats it right? Handyman and Interior Designer. They team up and fix houses. Done, right? FRANK Those shows are so cheap to make, everyone is doing it. Vanilla Ice has three for Gods sake. Were close, But we need a twist. Jacob gasps. JACOB Holy bananas Nicole! You have ten million twitter followers?! DEBBIE Shut up. I have 113. NICOLE Yeah, would you show me how to delete that please? Jacob types again. JACOB The video has 95 million hits. Not even counting the remix, which has even more, somehow. FRANK Thats it. You. NICOLE Hm? Franks points at her and comes towards her, on his knees. FRANK You will save us. A vessel of pure hope the Chosen One will bring balance to the force. NICOLE You lost me. Frank leaps to his feet. FRANK Your father is the smartest businessman Ive ever met. Even from beyond the grave, he gave us (MORE)

20. FRANK (contd) the only thing that could save us. Hes a genius. We just needed to get Full On Bananas! NICOLE Theres no way guys. I quit TV when I quit New York...I just dont want to be on TV ever again. Not after that. Debbie raises her hand. DEBBIE (nicely) Braindrain, I think we could get someone more likable than her anyway. Nicole looks at Debbie, confused. NICOLE Excuse me? Frank interjects. FRANK If we dont have star power coocoo bird, we have nothing. We cant afford anyone else. Youre still hot right now. JACOB The video is six months old, which is about three years in internet time, but its doable, for sure. Jacob leans back in the chair. JACOB I vote yes. Nicole scoffs. NICOLE I vote, no. How about that? Im the boss now. Frank is still pacing. FRANK And what if we capitalized on the social media, somehow?

21.

JACOB I dont think you have any idea what youre talking about, but I agree. We could...have people send in suggestions via her twitter! Most retweets is what we add to the house. FRANK Thats great. "Full On Renovation". NICOLE No! Beat. NICOLE Im not doing anything that has to do with Full On Bananas. JACOB "The Social Renovation", and we keep it classy. Everyone is quiet. Jacob leans his chair back again. JACOB Did you hear that? That was the sound of me droppin awesome bombs. Jacob makes explosion noises and mining bombs blowing up. DEBBIE (whispering) And millions of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced Beat. NICOLE I have a bad feeling about this. Jacob and Frank are both visibly excited. FRANK You talk to your designer, Ill talk to my guys, get the handyman and the crew.

22.

JACOB I will go google how to do a TV show budget. DEBBIE And I will...sit out there and recept...anyone. Awkward beat. Jacob reaches his hand in and everyone else leaves. Jacob stands alone. He brings his hand up. JACOB (quietly) Break. INT. HOUSE - DAY TWO WEEKS LATER Establishing shot of a suburban home. Cut inside. Nicole is looking directly into the camera. A subtitle "Nicole Quencher" flies onto the screen. NICOLE Welcome back to The Social Renovation, We have the family out of the house, and were ready to start working. Nicole starts walking, the camera follows. NICOLE CONT. I found out Mr. Hall is an avid collector of Katanas, and other fine Japanese blades. SO well have our Handyman extraordinaire Tom, build something very sharp to display them. Were also using that fact to get the Halls out of the house. Mr. Hall thinks hes leaving for the Tuscon Katana Kon, which is a fake convention created by our producers. With the house empty, were ready to start the reno. A beefy man in a plaid shirt and work goggles, TOM (35), strolls into the background holding a sledgehammer.

23.

TOM (shouting) Did someone say demo?! Lets get rid of this carpet! Tom brings the hammer all the way back, once hes fully ready he looks directly into the camera. TOM (shouting) Mountains are moved one stone at a time! Tom swings his hammer completely taking out the ceiling fan in one fluid motion. The fan is completely busted on the ground. Tom looks over, he tries to look cool standing with the hammer like a cane. TOM Im Tom! NICOLE Im Nicole. Tom violently clears his throat. Wrench walks in. He notices the fan on the ground. WRENCH What happened? TOM I was about to ask the same thing. Tom looks over to Wrench. TOM Oh, dude--JUST SO EVERYONE KNOWS IM NOT RACIST! I own Season 3 of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. WRENCH (slightly offput) Right on, man. Im Wrench. They shake hands. TOM Thats crazy, I use wrenches everyday. Im Tom.

24.

WRENCH Right. Nicole, a word? Nicole and Wrench walk away. WRENCH Someones aura is mended. I can sense it. NICOLE Well, Im still stressed, but its better. WRENCH I need your OK. NICOLE Go for it. WRENCH Well, I want to totally reinvent what manly is. TM. Wrench points to his shirt, which says "I want to totally reinvent what manly is" followed by a trademark symbol. WRENCH Because Im a man, and I think blue pastel is cute as hell. TM. He takes off the first shirt to show another shirt, this one says "Im a man, and I think blue pastel is cute as hell." followed by a trademark symbol. NICOLE Completely. I think its awesome. Nicole seems very pleased with Wrench. WRENCH Im thinking Robins egg Blue, with this mural. NICOLE What mural? Wrench takes off his shirt, to reveal a huge tattoo of flowers on his back. NICOLE CONT. Oh. I love it.

25.

WRENCH Ive been saving it for a special house, but whats better than this. NICOLE If only you could decorate the world, Wrench. Thered be no war. Nicole starts to walk away, Wrench stops her. WRENCH Just real quick, do we have another driver? NICOLE Just the one, I think his name is Greg. WRENCH Greg, hes a problem. I was a PE teacher for two years. I never met anyone half as weird as that kid. NICOLE Really? WRENCH He prefers to be called "LORDDEEPSPIKE" Its his gamertag or something. I dont like him one bit, but if hes all weve got. Wrench and Nicole look behind them and see GREG, an emo kid in his early twenties, ripping the head off a stuffed dog. NICOLE He is. Wrench smiles. WRENCH Namaste. They bow. Jacob grabs Nicole as he walks by. JACOB Lets do the Twitter reveal. Youre not gonna like it.

26.

NICOLE What is it? JACOB They want a...Banana room. Nicole exhales sharply. NICOLE What about number two? We said wed veto if its obscene. JACOB Number two through thirty eight are penis related. NICOLE Number thirty nine? JACOB Underwater Bathroom. NICOLE How does that even work? EXT. BACKYARD - DAY The backyard is average size, but has a pool, taking up most of it. Tom enters holding a toilet. He struggles to carry it to the edge and heaves it into the pool. MONTAGE of Tom building a bathroom underwater. Tom Sparta kicks a pedestal sink. Tom drags a tub into the pool. Tom does a cannon ball. Tom trying to get his drill to work underwater. Tom catching his breath while looking at his materials. EXT. BACKYARD - TWILIGHT Nicole is looking right into the camera.

27. NICOLE Its taken most of our renovation time, but Tom has been working wonders. Tom comes up to catch his breath. TOM Theres water everywhere down there. Beat. NICOLE Cut. Nicole leans over the pool. NICOLE Im gonna check on Wrench, its been hours. TOM Oh, tell him I said hi. Toms head slips back underwater, paying homage to Apocalypse Now. INT. HOUSE - NIGHT Wrench is putting extra pillows on the couch. Wrench sees Nicole coming. WRENCH (grinning) So, what do you think? NICOLE (smiling) Very calming. WRENCH And look at this, a beautiful case for Mr. Halls collection. Wrench shows Nicole a huge cabinet, with swords inside. NICOLE Thats awesome! Frank walks in. Jacob is looking at the bookshelves in the back.

28.

JACOB All these are about anger management. Thats settling. "Hi, Im unable to manage my anger, and I collect Japanese death sticks. Want to feel one inside of you?" FRANK No, he hasnt had an outburst in years, he might be upset that we lied about the Tuscon Katana kon. Greg walks in. GREG Theres people waiting. NICOLE For what? JACOB To tour the house. Its something our show does, come on. The Social Renovation. Social. NICOLE Oh. The entire neighborhood? JACOB Yeah. You can start leading people through the house now, Greg. Greg just stands there. FRANK Just go ahead and...start leading people through the house. GREG Ugh! Greg exits. Nicole looks overwhelmed with sincere happiness. NICOLE All this teamwork, you guys! Its beautiful. I think we have something really special here. Im gonna go outside and practice my segment. Nicole leaves.

29.

JACOB Do you think he just...didnt hear me. FRANK No, he heard you. EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT Nicole is looking right into the Camera. NICOLE Now that the entire neighborhood has gotten a sneak peak of the house, the Halls are going to be back any--here they are now! Nicole walks over to the couple while they are getting out of their car. NICOLE Hello Mr. and Mrs. Hall! Im Nicole Quencher from The Social Renovation. MR. HALL Oh! CooCooBird! They lied about the Tuscon Katana Kon. NICOLE Shh, Ted. The...the cameras. While you were out we made some exciting new changes to your home. With our expert team weve transformed your house into an entirely new space. Lets take a look, shall we? Nicole leads them in the house. Wrench, Tom, Jacob and Frank walk in after them. Everything in the house is gone except for the mural and the Katana case. MR. HALL Uh...where is... NICOLE Where... Greg walks out.

30.

FRANK Greg?! What happened? GREG I dont know. People grabbed stuff, I guess. WRENCH They took... Mrs. Hall looks at the mural. MRS. HALL Are those vaginas? Swollen and all... Tom takes off out the back door. TOM O.S. Under Water Bathroom is intact. MR. HALL ...Under water bathroom? NICOLE It was from twitter... Mr. Hall is starting to lose his cool. MRS. HALL Calm down Ted. MR. You come into all my stuff! and THERE WAS Called it. Mr. Hall walks to the katana case and opens it. He grabs two long swords. He turns around and his face is bright red. MR. HALL YOU PEOPLE GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE! He starts swinging at Nicole, Wrench and Jacob, who are running around, climbing on the furniture. Mrs. Hall and Frank are trying to stop them. They are holding him down. Tom walks back in. HALL my house. You steal You ruin the bathroom NO Tuscon KATANA KON!

JACOB

31. TOM AH! Everyone is screaming. Freeze Frame. INT. FRANKS OFFICE - DAY Jacob, Nicole, Debbie, Tom, and Wrench sit around the desk. The TV frozen on the last frame. JACOB And thats it. Eighteen minutes of usable footage. WRENCH I cant believe they edited around my ad placement. Wrench sports a spandex PEPSI COLA SHIRT. NICOLE Oh God, its terrible. Its worse than Full on Bananas. DEBBIE (snidely) No, its not. Debbie takes a strategic beat, then turns to Tom. DEBBIE I thought you were great. TOM Oh, you were great, too. DEBBIE I wasnt in it. TOM Thats okay. NICOLE Im sorry guys. Maybe we shouldve done a different project. I just wish we couldve made something better than...this. Jacob types into his phone. Frank enters and leans against the door frame.

32.

JACOB If we didnt have to replace all that stuff that was stolen from your parents, wed have enough in the budget for Cajun Mythbusters. Just saying. Nicole and Frank hold each others gaze. Nicole defeated. Frank with a coy smile. FRANK ...six episodes. He turns to the rest. TOM (shakes his head) Six episodes. Debbie puts a hand on Toms shoulder. DEBBIE No. FRANK Weve been picked up for six. NICOLE What?! Frank steps over to a whiteboard on the wall and writes out in big letters -FRANK DRAMA! He circles it, caps the marker, and tosses it. FRANK The networks love drama. WRENCH Man, that was a Sharpie. FRANK This was the insanity that American televisions are craving. They loved it. They still dont believe it wasnt scripted, but theyre in. NICOLE Theyre in.

33. FRANK Theyre in, oof. Frank cant finish before being hugged tightly by Nicole. Jacob adds and subtracts on a sheet of paper. JACOB If we can keep this season...and a full renewal, well be out of debt. DEBBIE How could you know that? Jacob whips his eyes to Debbie. JACOB Because Im a genius. Debbie backs off. Nicole doesnt let go of Frank. Frank squeezes back. EXT. OFFICE -- SUNSET Nicole locks the door, a heavy bag over each shoulder. She turns around to see Frank standing out on the sidewalk, staring up at the sky. He notices Nicole. FRANK Coocoobird. She joins him and looks up. FRANK Do you remember where that came from? NICOLE What? They look at each other. FRANK Coocoobird. I dont...I cant remember why...why youre coocoobird. They smile to each other. They gaze back to the sunset.

34.

FRANK Hey. Nicole looks back to him. FRANK You gonna be okay? NICOLE Im gonna be. Nicole offers a real smile. FADE TO BLACK:

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