Communication

Skills
Learning Positive Communication
 Communication is:
A two-way
process.
Sharing thoughts,
ideas, feelings, and
concerns.
What good communication skills
can do for you:
 Improve the quality of your
relationships with other
people.
 Reduce your anger,
frustration, melodrama,
worry, conflict, etc.
 Avoid embarrassing “foot in
mouth disease.”
 Make you happier & more
successful.
 The Communication
 Communication is a two-
Process
way process between Noise
sender and receiver. interference
 The sender must send a
clear message which is
decoded by the receiver
who then checks for
meaning & accuracy.
 Interference can come in
many forms- noise,
distractions, inattention,
busy lives, choices, etc. Noise
interference
 Verbal & Non-Verbal
 Verbal communication  Non-verbal
uses words. communication
 The message can be can be tone of
spoken or written or voice, body
texted or… language, eye
 Word choice, content, contact, hand
speed, and formality can gestures,
affect the language. touch, posture.

93% of all human

communication is non-verbal.
Body Language
Eye Contact & Posture
 Appropriate eye contact shows
you are listening to the other
person.
 A little attention helps to focus
on body language, social
meaning, and building a
connection.
 Some cultural differences:
authority, Autism, shifty eyes,
too direct= disrespect.
 Posture shows emotion, tone,
interest, reaction.
 Communication Styles
 There are some typical communication styles.
 Our communication changes depending on situations,
environment, skills, authority, and to whom you are speaking.
 Passive Communication
 Nervous, timid, lacking  Uncertain phrases like
in confidence, mumbling “maybe,” non-committal
tone. responses “I guess,” and
 Shifting posture, relying on the decisions of
others, “Is everyone doing
downcast eyes or no eye this?”
contact, fidgeting, trying  Constantly using apologies,
to end the conversation as avoidance.
quickly as possible.

Basic message: I don’t count, what I

think and feel isn’t important, please
step on me, I’m afraid and insecure.
 Aggressive Communication
 Voice too loud for  Uses demands and
situation, often imperatives “Do it now!”
interrupts, no tolerance  May use threats or
for listening, piercing intimidation “Do it or else!”
 Often critical.
eye contact, invades
 Tones feels bossy or
others’ space.
superior.
 Words are punchy,
emotions are explosive.

Basic message: This is what I want, what you

want or think doesn’t matter, I’m superior to
you, your feelings don’t count, do what I say
and do it now or be afraid of what might
happen.
 Passive- Aggressive
Communication
 Using negative, aggressive, mean, cruel,
or snarky forms of communication while
not crossing the line to get into too much
trouble.
 Hostility can be learned helplessness,
fear, stubbornness, victims,
procrastination, or refusal to participate.
 Muttering under the breath or the “angry
Basic message: I smile” (words and facial expressions not
have no power so matching), sabotage or instigating fights,
I resort to guerilla denial and sarcasm.
 Gossip is the most common negative
warfare, then you
form of passive aggressive
can’t do anything communication.
to me .
 Assertive Communication
 High self-esteem and
Basic message: I want
confidence means this
to be connected to you,
style values their rights,
we can work together to
feelings, and needs
build a stronger
equally with others.
relationship, we’re both
 Knows how to use words mature individuals who
to state ideas clearly and respect each other.
respectfully, while also
listening to others.
 Remains calm while not
allowing themselves to
be bullied or
manipulated.
 Assertive communication
 Assertive is the mid-
 Assertive Communication
point between being a involves:
bully and a doormat.  Empathy / validation to
 Assertive show you aren’t just
communication is a skill picking a fight.
which can be learned.  Clearly stating the
 AC helps you to avoid problem.
 Stating what you want for
stress, anxiety,
a solution.
depression, frustration,  Proper body language.
fear, violence,
 I Statements.
melodrama..
 Facts, not judgments.
 Two Conversations
 Mom: That skirt  Mom: I don’t like it when you
looks horrible. I wear such short skirts. I feel like
t’s so short and other people will think I’m a bad
mother if you dress
sleazy. Change inappropriately. Would you be
your clothes. willing to change your clothes?
 Daughter:  Daughter: I know that you want
That’s so mean! to make a good impression to
You can’t tell others, but I also have my own
me what to do! I fashion sense. Styles have
hate you you fat changed since you were a
teenager. I would like to wear it
pig! with confidence so that everyone
knows you raised a strong
daughter.
 I statements
 Assertive and respectful
communication without
blame.
 Using the pronoun “I”
to state your feelings in
a positive manner
rather than “you”
statements which tend
to make a listener feel
defensive.
 I Statements
 “You always make  “I get very upset when I
me so mad! Why try to make plans with
my friends and they
don’t you understand
don’t work out. I would
how much I want to appreciate it if you
go to the concert would understand my
with my friends?” point of view and how
 This translates into important this is to me.”
 Makes the issue about
“Why are you so
standing up for your
stupid! It’s all your
feelings, not blaming
fault.” others.
 Active Listening
 A strategy for improving listening skills.
 Paraphrase, summarize, and feedback what you hear in
order to check meaning.
 Not about “waiting to speak” but being attentive to the
speaker.
Active Listening
 Paraphrase
 Summarize
 Clarify
 Double-check
meaning
 Repeat key phrases
 Show
understanding
 Show more than
hearing
 Specific vs. general
 Under stress, people  Be specific about
tend to make quick your concerns when
judgments, speaking to others.
generalizations, and  Deal with individual
sweeping problems one at a
assumptions.
time.
 General comments
 Be clear on what you
like “You always do
that” make others want to say and how
defensive. to say it respectfully.
Processing Time & Reactions
 Good communication takes
into account the needs of
both parties.
 Some people need more
time to think and process
ideas.
 Make appointments to talk
during quiet time.
 Try the “Can I go away and
think about this?”
approach.
 Empathy
 Showing empathy, or sensitivity to the emotions of
others, is a good way to build strong relationships.

TRY THESE:
“That must have been
upsetting for you.”
“I can imagine how
you feel.”
“I would feel that way
too.”
 Leading with the Positive
 People are more attracted to positive people,
listen more, are willing to do what you ask.

TRY THESE:
“I can see how hard you’ve
worked on this…”
“I like so much of what
you’ve said…”
“I really appreciate all you
do for me…”
NOTICE: the implied “but”
is hidden with a
compliment?
 Tact & Manners
 Being polite but assertive builds clear communication
and strong relationships. Facts & manners build trust.
 You can catch more flies with honey than you can with
vinegar.
TRY THESE:
“I know you worked for a
long time on this, but the
forms have been filled out
incorrectly.”
“I like your ideas, and I
respect your point of
view. Another way to
solve the problem might
be…”
When in
doubt…

put your
self in
another
person’s
shoes…
Communication
 Is a skill to learn.
 Improves the quality of
our relationships.
 Can reduce stress,
anxiety, anger, and
negative emotions.
 Can make us feel more
successful, hopeful,
content, and strong.