undead president, an adventure from the knife-shaped sphere, troika exclusive

A one-shot where you play as a group of friends that just so happen to be inside a mall when the zombie apocalypse starts (using the 1978 dawn of the dead board game).

I wanted to get this out in time for Halloween. 

For a real spook this Halloween season, try being generous to a complete stranger or asking someone questions about themselves without using those questions as a gateway to answering them yourself, and/or lastly, being open at all times to be hurt.

This year my Halloween costume is my room via 'wearing' my room during Halloween. 

Now to the adventure...

What triggered the zombie apocalypse?

Brain parasites are unknowingly present in the Nation's number 1 corn producer.

The Mall: 

In the top left corner of the map is a key (click the image to view it larger). There's an icon for "character placement symbol." Start the party in "Theatre II." They've been excited to see whatever new Werner Herzog film TORTLES. It's nearing the end of the documentary and this guy sitting in front of the party starts being a real asshole. Like stands up and blocks their view. This asshole jumps out of their seat so violently their Bepsi and popcorn (you know from the nation's number 1 producer of corn) flies back and hits the players. How you reveal this first zombie to the party is up to you. It could be so dark in the theatre they just think they're about to get into a fight with some asshole who groans and it's not revealed until later what they really are.

Looking back at the map key again, the "Zombie Placement Symbol" provides locations to encounter zombies (stats below). The map has all of the store names so it should be easy to run from here.

The Goal:

It's obvious. To leave the mall safely with your friends. 

Further Complications:

There's a rival party in the mall that are unwilling to help any other survivors. The party will inevitably encounter them.

During the initial mayhem, the mall will be put on lockdown with those metal grates that roll down and block all the exits.

Consider giving the party some friends who aren't Werner Herzog or documentary film fans to rescue in a different area of the mall that were window shopping.

There are ~250 people and ~50 zombies in the mall at the start of the game, and a pet store. 

There no cops in The Knife-Shaped Sphere. 

Stats:

Let's use more of the original board game material. 

Use this sheet to keep track of the zombies as the players kill them. Use the numbers next to the zombies as their Skill and double it to find a zombie's Stamina. All zombies inflict damage as Small Beasts. Use grappling rules when encountering groups of zombies. Use the number next to the zombie tokens as their Skill and Stamina scores (for example: Skill 3, Stamina 3, Initiative 1, Armor 0).

Remember the rival party I mentioned above. Use the pink area of the sheet below for their stats and equipped weapons. Use the first number as their Skill, the second as their Initiative, and the third as their Stamina. For example, Peter has Skill 5, Initiative 1, and Stamina 20. Rifles deal damage as firebolts and pistols cause pistolet damage. 

Rival party:
Peter
Skill 5, Stamina 20, Initiative 1, Armor 0
Rifle

Roger Skill 5, Stamina 20, Initiative 2, Armor 0
Rifle

Steve
Skill 3, Stamina 16, Initiative 2, Armor0
Pistol

Fran
Skill 2, Stamina 16, Initiative3, Armor 0 Pistol

Consider this:

Zombies only die if their brains are destroyed. Zombies don't have to be slow in your game. Zombies have a hoard mentality. 

Each time the party listens to the radio or watches tv (a timeline):

1. A reporter says: "There is a zombie invasion. Zombies are all over the city and are attacking living humans. Be very cautious of them."

2. Congressman's message: "Do not worry citizens. The zombies will be killed and you will be able to return to your way of life. We must stay alert. I've heard that some have thought it a good idea to try to make friends with the undead. It will not work, no matter how you talk to them about pacifism, they will bite you. Do not fuck with zombies! Thank you, your congressman."

3. A Market Professional: "Things will be better after the undead invasion because a lot of the undead had jobs. Jobs will open up with healthcare. Don't fret. This will have a happy ending after all."

4. A reporter says: "The undead have destroyed much of the city. The president has said, "there is no need to worry." 

5. "This is the leader of the undead. The undead now rule over The Knife-Shape Sphere. We are the leaders of this great land. We have been voted in through a fair election. There were no human candidates. To the living people of The Knife-Shaped Sphere: my army of the undead is going to find you. We are going to make you undead. We are going to fuck up your shit. We are watching you right now. We have your phones tapped. We have cameras on every street. In every store. Everywhere, watching your detestable living human bodies. The time is nigh you mother fuckers, soon you will be undead. You have a choice, if you join us freely and come out of your hiding places we will gently bite you. If you decide to remain hidden, we will bite your faces off, rip your jaws out and stick dynamite up your asses. We own everything now. The radio will only play christian punk. There will be only one store in every town, called undead mart, which I own personally. It will supply all of your undead needs like alarm clocks, dishwashers, and above-ground pools. Thank you, your president."

Stores:

1. Bar & Restaurant
2. Art Gallery
3. Audio Center
4. Cobbler Shoes
5. Jewelry Store
6. Record Loft
7. Expectation Maternity
8. Sewing Center
9. Theater 
10. Collector's Corner
11. Bathroom
12. Optics Clinic
13. Bath Fads
14. Brane Lyrant (designer)
15. Special Gifts
16. Eco Bank
17. Games for All
18. Superlative Sportswear
19. Goalile Deli
20. Flavores Ice Cream
21. Tony's Pizza
22. Card Corner
23. All Aboard Travel
24. Nickle's Department Store
25. Interior Concepts
26. Clam House
27. Flo's (hair salon)
28. Cheese City
29. Offices
30. Miscellany
31. The Youthful Idea
32. Doggies Galore
33. Costly Drugs
34. Radio Shanty
35. Murth Brothers (tools)
36. Camera Store
37. Family Book Nook
38. Sports Center
39. Bea's Bakery
40. Bobs Barker Shop
41. Uniforms Inc
42. Arcade

(if you'd like to support me there are links on the right to purchase my zines)

edit:

All zombie movies have these scenes so here are some ideas to include in running Undead President.

1. Someone must kill him or herself

2. At least one scene where ~5 zombies are eating one human. There is a bird's-eye-view shot of the person screaming.

3. There must be a scene where at least two of the living are peeking over something, and one of the living does the 'be quiet' gesture with their index finger.

4. There needs to be one stubborn character, always a white male protestant. In some movies, a white male protestant creates the zombies.

5. Horror movies must have man-ass now. Since 28 days later, man-ass has appeared a lot in horror movies.

6. Low-budget horror movies are generally ~80 minutes long. 80 minute long gaming sessions are still fun (probably more fun than playing for ~3 hours in some cases).

(if you'd like to support me there are links on the right to purchase my zines)

rusty springs, an adventure from the knife-shaped sphere, troika exclusive

(drawing by Tony Jaguar)

The earth is .00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 percent of the universe

The time one human life exists is .00000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 percent of the time that the universe has existed

What does this mean?

Even .0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 is not the same as 0

You are either constantly trying to do more or you must admit you are not 'serious' about what you are doing

Doing a little is more than doing nothing

What am I trying to say right now?

I don't know, 

These are things I try to consider in my writing 

I am being 'off-topic'

The following is an unreleased adventure I wrote a while back that I’ve decided against publishing (outside of this blog post). I feel I’ve improved since writing this adventure and I have more 'interesting projects' I’d rather focus on releasing.

I don't consider a draft 'done' until I drive it 'miles' away and drop it off in the middle of the 'woods', to see if it will be able to make it back home.

(the park is loosely based on oak mountain state park)

Introduction

The presence of the possum girl has negatively affected the tree’s immense happiness. All the beautiful leaves are gone but there’s always a song; cicadas in the summer, hooting owls in the fall, and coyotes howling in the dead of winter.

Start the party with an extra player, you can play them. The thing is they will get abducted shortly after the start of the game and disappear. Rule number 3 of surviving a horror movie is to never, ever, ever, under any circumstances say, 'I'll be right back'. You won't be back. Trail cameras are installed in the trees throughout the park. Their wires have been hastily buried in the ground and provide a live feed to the bunker. If anyone tampers with the trail cameras they are rigged to blow up (damage as firebolt).

Note:

1. You don't have service outside of your campsite or the parking lot. 2. Fuck the police, there are no police in the knife-shaped sphere. 3. You can say the party is meeting up after their first year since graduating college or celebrating the anniversary of a major event they all shared.

Bad guys & gals

Harmony AKA Possum Girl All she ever wanted to be was a hairdresser. Possum humanoid found in the park as a child and raised by the rangers. (Skill 9, Stamina 16, Initiative 3, Armor 0, Damage as weapon or modest beast) Possessions: BIG Shears (damage as maul +1) High Powered Binoculars Advanced Skills: (roll under Harmony's skill from above) Evanescence - the act of vanishing quickly Possum shit - climbing, resistance to toxins and diseases, hanging from your tail, it's a catch-all for whatever makes sense possums can do 'well' Special: If Harmony reaches 0 stamina she will respawn 1d3 rounds later with her skill and stamina halved (they always come back). Mien: 1] Bringing the doom. 2] Hungry and hateful.
3] Making sub-animalistic noises and sounds. 

Park Rangers There are 3 rangers in the park. They're all in cahoots with Harmony. They will try to separate the party. (Skill 5, Stamina 7, Initiative 2, Armor 1, Damage as weapon) They drive around on a shared Troikasawki (see below). Possessions: Walkie Talkie Handcuffs Pistol Pepper Spray Baton Mien: 1] Nodding out a bit. 2] Cruel. 3] Overly friendly. Troikasawki Seats 4 comfortably, has a 'make friends with your local squirrel' bumper sticker, and a maximum speed of 28 mph. (Skill as driver +1, Stamina 10, Initiative 1, Armor 3, Damage as modest beast)

Bear (I recommend this book)
Likes honey. Isn't from Darkest, Peru. (Skill 8, Stamina 12, Initiative 2, Armor 1, Damage as large beast)

Mien: 1] Threatening 2] Sarcastic 3] Crushing plants

Alligator A large pokey-toothed guy. (Skill 7, Stamina 9, Initiative 2, Armor 2, Damage as modest beast)

Mien: 1] Starving 2] Hidden 3] Blankly staring back

2d6 Encounters (roll the same encounter twice and Harmony appears)

2. Trash bag full of erotic magazines. One of them is a comic book about a strong and slippery robot. 3. Recently burnt king-size mattress. 4. An old pistol loaded with 1d6 bullets halfway buried just a little ways off the path. 5. An old tree covered with initials and hearts with dates to the early 1900s. Also carved into the tree is the phrase 'FUNNY + SAD + STRANGE = NO HOPE'. 6. A guy yelling at trees. Seems to be acting out a play. Will run away if interacted with. 7. Bear trap is hidden under foliage (damage as maul). 8. A lonely boomerang (damage as club) that has 'you'd better come back' painted on it. 9. A woman taking pictures of her per tortoise in different places. Will warn the party about a bear and then leave the park. 10. A rusty shopping cart with many types of potato chips, they're all past their expiration date. 11. A bear taking a shit. Don't make eye contact. 12. Mushrooms!!! (I'm not talking about that porcini shit, I'm talking about that Houdini shit)

Shrooms

Test luck then roll on the appropriate table for effect. All effects last 1d6 rounds.

Shrooms Go Good (success)

1. Walk on water 2. Night vision 3. Spider climb 4. Sprout a cool second head 5. Glow in the dark 6. Double in size (like Mario)

Shrooms Go Bad (failure)

1. Diarrhea 2. Blind 3. Paralyzed 4. Sprout a mean second head 5. Turns you into a mushroom 6. Lose 1d6 stamina

2d6 Locations

2. Parking Lot - There’s an info board with a map of the park and an empty brochure rack.

3. Bridge - Made out of wood. It’s only wide enough to walk across. It stretches out over a deep ravine.

4. Campsite - The players hiked in carrying all the equipment to the site. There's no electricity but there’s a water spigot. 

5. Dock - 'Beware alligators' sign. Frogs croak loudly unless Harmony is nearby. Many mosquitos. The lake reeks of sickness.

6. Ranger Cabin - There’s a stereo system along with a collection of records (goodby yellow brick road is on the platter of the record player). A book on herbalism next to a bottle of Bim Jeam. Only one of the four light switches works. Plaid wool blankets have been nailed over the windows. There’s a microwave and a copy machine. If anyone uses them both at the same time a fire will start. There’s one park brochure in the tray of the copy machine. Next to the microwave is a box full of popcorn and ramen noodle cups. Outside is a shed full of water bottles.

7. Bathrooms / Showers - The lights don't work. Filthy as hell.

8. Playground - There’s a tire swing. The slide is metal and anyone paying close attention to it will notice steam rising (damage as maul if anyone goes down the slide, when in doubt everything is always damage as maul). 

9. A manhole -  Leads to the bunker.

10. A herd path -  On the side of the trail going up a steep slope that leads to a large grotto in the face of a rock. Several chairs, a table, and a cabinet full of notebooks full of poetry (give any players that write a poem irl 1d3 [permanent] luck).

11. Bunker - Has: an entire toilet, a broken television, a broken mini fridge, a moldy fuzzy pink small pet bed, a tangle of wires and cords, several broken chairs, a mud-caked shovel, a rusted rake, a few broken lamps, a few spades, hand axes, and pile of dirty rotted clothes, an open cage with a mattress inside, barrels containing many types of non-perishable foods, canned tuna, canned stews, MRE's, Reese’s peanut butter cups. A big plastic fish tank with luna moth eggs and caterpillars. Across the tank on a wooden table rests a very delicate large sewn collage of silky lime green moth wings. This is where their friend is found. Bound in premium Saran Wrap in a cage like an old-fashioned mermaid wearing a tiara made of shotgun shells and tinsel. The trail cameras provide a 24/7 surveillance feed to an old CRT television.

12. Sightseeing Tower - A latter leads 100’ up to an observation tower

Trail Descriptions: Although trails are clearly marked you should always have a map 

1. A rugged dirt path. This area is very dry, be careful to avoid starting a forest fire. It's the oldest route in the park. Along this nature trail, you’ll find signs that share information about the plants, and animals native to the park.

2. A quite easy graveled path. Among a slight clearing in the trees is an old artillery weapon. 

3. This trail leads you far into the quiet spruce forest. Halfway in a few small stream crossings are found which lead to the lake. There are wading cables at each stream to assist hikers when crossing. Many forest flowers and berries grow here.

4. A long touring route with plenty of height differences and landscapes ranging from open fells to spectacular old pine forests. A few wood shelters and several lean-tos are found slightly off the trail. This trail gradually climbs up to the slope of MAKE OUT PEAK.

5. This trail is stony and the roots make it challenging. There are ascents and descents along this route and hikers should be in considerably good shape. It leads to a sightseeing tower with a magnificent view. 

6. This trail that provides many great views along the lake is partially made of boardwalks and duckboards of aged to weak condition. It’s poorly visible in bad weather conditions and the dark. 

d6 Environmental Atmosphere

1. A thick lingering misty fog like a conscious dream hindering vision.

2. An uninvited rainstorm beats down like drums on the leaves.

3. Cold strong wind that stings the tears in the corners of your eyes

4. Buttery tones of periwinkle clouds circling the trees.

5. The sky turns red.

6. Everything is laced with pollen.

(if you'd like to support me there are links on the right to purchase my zines)

writing and the internet a d100 table

I did this drawing last night. I call this piece Fort turtle hybrid with 'wet eyes'. It's depicting a scene from one of my upcoming adventures. 

To the best of my ability, I've taken a week off discord.

I'm writing every day.

I've been working on my next few adventures.

Here's a typical 'session' of me working on my adventures.

1. get a can of Valentino Rossi's signature Monster energy drink and drink half of it

2. check e-mail

3. check twitter

4. check for any new submissions to the Troika City Jam

5. feel a little bad that there are no new submissions

6. get up and go to the bathroom

7. sit back down at the computer

8. check twitter

9. maximize the manuscript of the adventure in google docs

10. begin to read it

11. feel a little uninspired

12. think briefly about my future

13. feel a little doomed

14. drink the rest of Valentino Rossi's signature Monster energy drink

15. look on the internet for something to inspire me

16. open youtube in a new tab, click on 'mixes', click on 'Mix - Laura Les - gone with a knife; given all wrong (Slowed + Reverb) [CC]'

17. message my friend 'Sean' on messenger what I'm listening to

18. think about maximizing the manuscript of the adventure in google docs

19. feel small, flex, feel small

20. use the bathroom

21. feel a little hungry

22. go outside and smoke a cigarette

23. back at the computer, check twitter

24. feel social and good from the energy drink and from having just been outside

25. message 'Tony' that 'I think I really want to see what it's like to have a dev editor, like 'Jert', or someone like him'

26. promise 'Tony' that 'I won't go back to college' with a 'shit-eatin-grin' on my face

27. maximize and scroll through my adventure, quickly, without actually thinking about or acknowledging it really

28. scroll to the top and begin to read my adventure

29. notice that my eyes are unfocusing a little 

30. think about other aspects of my life

31. focus my eyes

32. stretch my neck

33. stand up and stretch my neck and arms

34. select-all my adventure and change the font size to eight and single-space it all, to gain perspective

35. scroll down, quickly like a game

36. stop suddenly

37. read over a section

38. delete a comma that I had added the day before

39. delete an adjective that I had added the day before

40. delete some other things I had added the day before

41. go to the part that I consistently enjoy working on and write one or two sentences and add em-dash parentheticals to a few places

42. rewrite those one or two sentences for a long time

43. finally combine the two sentences into one sentence and rewrite that sentence and then finally get a really good sentence there

44. feel really good and social after writing that sentence that was really good

45. reply to some messages because of feeling really good and social

46. send some tweets to some people

47. talk to people for a while

48. use the bathroom

49. begin to feel a little tired and uncreative

50. look at my adventure

51. tell myself to spend one hour straight only working on the adventure

52. acknowledge to myself that it won't happen

53. check twitter

54. tell myself one hour starting now

55. get up and use the bathroom

56. realize the music I have on is getting annoying

57. click on the youtube tab, click on 'Mix - Post-Hardcore' because it has a thumbnail of the album 'Frame & Canvas' by Braid and I know it's going to be the song 'A Dozen Roses', fuck I love that song

58. feel really agitated and hopeless

59. threaten myself to work on the adventure or else

60. begin to read the beginning of the adventure

61. realize that that sentence I thought earlier was good is derivative and not even that good and go to where it is and look at it and then delete it

62. 'undo-delete'

63. copy the sentence and paste it at the end of the manuscript

64. go over all the words pasted at the end of the adventure that I am not going to use for the adventure

65. find that some of those things are really good

66. try to re-insert some of those things into the current manuscript

67. tell myself I shouldn't trust myself to do this right now, since the last coffee I had was a while ago and right now I won't think that anything is good, overall, no matter what, in life

68. type 'PRINT THIS OUT AND ORGANIZE IT' on the top of the manuscript

69. realize I don't have printer ink

70. check twitter and messenger

71. decide to work on my adventure for thirty minutes straight or else

72. go outside and smoke a cigarette

73. sit at the computer, maximize my adventure, and think about screaming

74. check twitter and messenger

75. read reviews of books by Richard Yates

76. think about how I just finished reading his novel 'The Easter Parade' and how depressing but lovely it is and that it feels like a book I'd read to an older woman, in a hospital, at her bedside, and she would think of how much she thinks she relates to the characters but most likely didn't understand or remember what was happening in the novel, because I only came to see her for 45 minutes once a month and spent only 20 of those minutes reading while a nurse stood slightly out of my view in the doorway listening in on my reading and actually relating to the main character

77. really hope that isn't how my future plays out

78. maximize my adventure and write stats for a Utahraptor, Triceratops, and a T Rex Zombie

79. send 'Sean' my dinosaur stats 

80. just keep writing

81. I started this adventure august 6th and it's almost done

82. don't try AT ALL to be sensitive or moving, but just odd and interesting

83. decide to walk to the market and get dinner

85. drink an iced coffee on my walk back 'home'

86. listen to the album 'Shed' by Title Fight.

87. someone should organize all that into a poem and then submit it simultaneously to fifteen online literary magazines as an experiment in... something

88. I thought about deleting the sentence directly above this one, then left it there and wrote this sentence instead; that's like the opposite of revision

89. not the opposite, but you know what I mean 

90. I made it worse instead of improving it

91. what else

92. um

93. I intended every other night to make my adventure better

94. I don't like that I put it all on hold

95. this is the worst blog post ever

96. I want to be attacked in the comments section

97. I want people to attack, to make personal attacks

98. I'll probably attack myself in the comments section

99. actually, I promise to do that

100. I look forward to it