Box from 1935 finally opened: Schrödinger's cat is definitely dead

Vienna (dpo) - A chance finding has finally provided the answer to a question we have been asking for nearly a century: is the cat dead or alive? The cat in question being the famous ‘Schrödinger’s cat’ who gained that name for taking part in an experiment of the same name. The animal was locked inside a box with a vial of poison for the experiment and the question could only be answered by opening the box. Archivists at the University of Vienna have now found the box and have therefore been able to answer the question: the cat is unmistakably dead.
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Competition for Amazon boss, Jeff Bezos: first space tourist to fly with Wish leaves Earth’s atmosphere

San Francisco (dpo) - Could this be serious competition for Jeff Bezos and Amazon? E-commerce service Wish is now offering trips to space and, in their usual style, their prices are incredibly low. Wish’s first space tourist has already purchased his flight and crossed the Kármán line.
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Bone find proves early man lived horizontally beneath the earth

Leicester (dpo) - Our ancestors climbed down from the trees – or did they? When British Archaeologists uncovered the approximately 20,000-year-old body of a man this weekend,  they discovered some astonishing news. The anatomy and position of the body lead them to the conclusion that people back then actually lived beneath the earth, moved horizontally and looked like skeletons. Many textbooks will now have to be re-written.
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Research shows weight-free weight training is much easier than standard weight training

Dallas, TX (dpo) – Love the gym? We’ve got good news! It is now clear that you can make weight training, such as bench presses, much easier for yourself simply by not using any weights. This is the conclusion of a study run by the PwC Health Research Institute in Texas. In the test phase, the participants who trained without weights were able to keep going for much longer on average than their peers using weights.
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Survey: people in relationships more prone to cheating than singles

Munich (dpo) - Popular opinion has it that singles are reckless go-getters with ever-changing partners, who have no idea of what the term ‘faithfulness’ actually means. A recent survey is now challenging this long-standing prejudice: according to polling institute Opinion Control, people in relationships cheat significantly more on their partners than do their non-attached counterparts.
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Microsoft introduces five bins to sort files for recycling

Redmond (dpo) - Windows is finally going green: there is now an update available for Microsoft’s Windows 10 which will introduce waste separation to domestic computers for the first time. Environmentalists have long criticised the fact that all computer files are disposed of in the same recycle bin regardless of format.
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Genetic engineers breed tofu-flavoured chickens to capture vegetarian market

Tokyo (dpo) - Could this be a revolution for the food market? For the first time, genetic engineers from Tokyo University’s Faculty of Natural Sciences have succeeded in breeding tofu-flavoured chickens. Now, the meat industry is hoping to finally capture the vegetarian market, widely known for its extremely difficult customers.
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Researchers discover remote rain forest tribe still using iPhone 7

São Paulo (dpo) - Completely isolated from the outside world – an international team of anthropologists has discovered an indigenous tribe in Brazil whose members are so underdeveloped that they still use the iPhone 7. To protect this ancient people from the harmful influences of modern civilization, the Brazilian Government refuses to disclose the Amazon tribe’s exact location.
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Vets save life of mayfly in 23-hour emergency operation

Bamberg (dpo) – In the close shave of the week, a team of experts at Bamberg veterinary hospital managed to save the life of a mayfly in an emergency operation lasting 23 hours. The animal was diagnosed with a severe congenital heart defect upon hatching. This diagnosis necessitated the emergency surgical procedure, otherwise the fly would probably only have survived for one day.
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Study reveals final beer of evening frequently causes sickness and headaches

Heidelberg (dpo) - Researchers at the Institute for Food Science in Heidelberg have now discovered what seasoned drinkers have long suspected: in nine out of ten cases, the final beer consumed at the end of a merry night out is bad. It can thus can lead to stomach troubles, sickness and headaches.
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Meat industry launches world’s first pork and beef smoothie

Cologne (dpo) - Finally, there is a trendy new drink for keen carnivores and vegophobes! A butchers’ cooperative has come together to produce the first pork and beef smoothie. The smoothie is due be in mass production from June and will then be available in numerous supermarkets.
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The value of x to be fixed at 5 once and for all

Bonn (dpo) - This news is guaranteed to delight maths grouches all over the world! Determining the value of x is the goal in countless mathematical problems and now the world-renowned Max Planck Institute for Mathematics has finally fixed it at 5 exactly.
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Scientists still baffled: why do meteorites always hit craters?

Washington, D.C. (dpo) - Each year, thousands of meteorites fall to earth. Yet, even after decades of intense investigation, the biggest meteorite mystery of all is yet to be solved: why do these space rocks always seem to land in craters? This question remains one of the last great enigmas of science.
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Could Trump have been bred in a Chinese lab to inflict damage on the USA?

Washington (dpo) - It may sound fantastical but experts say it cannot be ruled out. The theory is gaining traction every day: Donald Trump could not exist by coincidence. He must have been developed in a Chinese laboratory in order to inflict severe damage on the USA.
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Sweet revenge: scientists infect bat with human flu

Houston, TX (dpo) - That will teach them a lesson! For the first time, scientists at the University of Texas have succeeded in infecting bats with a strain of human flu. Researchers hope that the infection will spread quickly and soon become a global pandemic.
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Shocking: baby born without teeth

Panjin (dpo) - A medical phenomenon is currently baffling doctors in the North-Eastern Province of Liaoning, China. A hospital in the city of Panjin this week saw the birth of a baby with no teeth. Doctors are currently working on the assumption that they are dealing with a rare genetic defect.
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Shocking photographic evidence: chemtrails cause forest fires

Berlin (dpo) - Geoengineering, population control, ruining our skies – government use of chemtrails is diverse. Now, new photographic evidence points to blatant use of these controversial chemicals to ignite forest fires.
This newspaper received the above photo from an anonymous source. It shows a plane leaving behind a clearly visible chemical trail, as well as flames and smoke where the trail touches the trees.
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First intensive care unit opened for men suffering from cold

Münster (dpo) - There’s finally hope for the critically ill! The Münster University Hospital has set up an intensive care unit exclusively for the treatment of male patients suffering from coughs, colds, or even both. A specially trained team provides 24/7 care.
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