Don’t let money hurt your marriage: How married couple can manage money and avoid conflicts on financial matters

Getting married is often a leap of faith. A lot can go wrong if you don’t know your partner well enough. Before tying the knot, couples talk about many things. The chit-chat can be about their favourite movies, holiday destinations and culinary preferences, but crucial conversations about money are usually ignored.

This is not only true in arranged marriages, where couples may not have had deep discussions, but also in love marriages. Lucknow-based Monisha Gupta had known her husband for two years before they got married. Yet, they started arguing about money matters within months of getting married. “I thought I knew him well, but we had never really had a thorough discussion about managing finances. Maybe that’s where we went wrong,” she admits.

A wide variance in financial habits, where one partner is a diligent saver, while the other enjoys spending, can lead to friction. Some differences are easy to manage, but bigger disagreements can be a constant source of stress. “It’s essential to educate each other on financial matters, so that decisions are taken mutually, preventing a strain on the relationship,” says Feroze Azeez, Deputy CEO, Anand Rathi Wealth.

Married women without marriage certificate can face these problems

Financial disagreements can drive a wedge in the relationship. A study by the US-based Jimenez Law Firm found that financial disagreements cause 29% of divorces in that country. While the reasons for divorces in India might be different, the trend is shifting as women become more financially empowered.

The key to preventing financial conflicts after marriage is open communication. Both partners should be comfortable discussing money matters without fear of judgement. “Many couples hesitate to talk about finances, worrying they might seem money-minded or controlling. However, financial issues are a major cause of divorce, so it’s important not to avoid these conversations,” advises Mrin Agarwal, Director, Finsafe.

“Instead of asking direct, interrogative questions, approach the topic as a broader discussion about life goals, values, and how finances fit into that,” suggests psychologist Megha Dutta.

Just like daily habits, financial decisions are often shaped by a person’s background and past experiences. It’s important to find a partner whose financial mindset aligns with yours. The first step is understanding your own financial habits and expectations. Are you responsible with money? Do you have any financial red flags that need addressing? Or are you likely to have financial disagreements with your partner? Take the test on page 5 to know where you stand.

Our cover story this week examines some common arguments that couples can have after marriage. We hope the suggestions from experts will smoothen their financial lives.

“You didn’t need such an expensive bag.”
Flash point: Spending habits
Overspending is a common reason for money arguments and stems from differences in spending habits. When one partner enjoys splurging, while the other is more inclined to save, financial disagreements are almost inevitable.

Spending habits are deeply rooted in the individual’s psychology. Someone who turns to shopping for happiness, or believes that wealth brings respect, may be inclined to buy expensive brands, even if their bank account is nearly empty.

On the other hand, a partner who prioritises saving and investment may come from a background where financial resources were limited. For them, saving is essential for security. However, this constant focus on saving can lead to frustration for the other partner, especially when it stifles spending on things that bring joy. “Both spouses should respect freedom and, at the same time, have the maturity to discuss and come to a joint agreement,” says Rohit Shah, Founder & CEO, GYR Financial Planners.

Fortunately, this issue has an easy solution. The first step is to recognise which financial personality you lean towards. Once this is clear, have an open discussion with your partner about how you will manage your finances after marriage. Setting a budget and agreeing on financial goals can smoothen the process.

Agarwal of Finsafe suggests capping lifestyle spending to a certain percentage of your income that is not too restrictive—typically 10%—to maintain a balance. Establishing personal spending limits can ensure both partners have room to enjoy their money without overextending.

Gupta and her husband have managed to do that. “We note down all our major monthly expenses and investments we need to make to meet our financial goals. Whatever is left after expenses and investments, we spend in a guilt-free manner,” she says.

“I am the one making money, so I should control how it’s spent.”
Flash point: Domination of decisions
He would never say that. That’s probably what you are thinking right now. However, financial dominance is an issue that many couples face, especially when one partner feels entitled to make all the financial decisions. “It was heartbreaking when my husband said I don’t know anything about managing finances. He was usually kind, but whenever I talked about wanting a say in our spending, he became dismissive,” says 29-year-old Anjali Verma, a Delhi-based marketing professional.

This issue is deeply rooted in traditional gender roles, which have long influenced relationships in India. The idea that control over finances equals control over the relationship still persists in some households. For men, particularly if they are the primary breadwinners, financial control can be linked to selfworth and masculinity. “When women are equally or more successful, it can create insecurities in men, leading to potential friction around financial control and decision-making,” explains Dutta.

Identifying this issue before marriage can be challenging, as both partners often present their best selves during courtship. However, there are subtle ways to zero in on potential problems. Asking questions like, “Do you expect me to be involved in financial decisions?” or “How do you see financial responsibilities being shared in our relationship?” can provide insights into their mindset. If they seem uncomfortable or avoid the question, it could indicate controlling tendencies.

“We’ll never grow our wealth if we keep playing it safe with low returns.”
Flash point: Investment choices
Is it a problem if your risk tolerance doesn’t match your spouse’s? Experts suggest that as long as there is clear communication, having different risk profiles can actually be beneficial. It allows for a more diversified investment approach.

“It might even be a blessing in disguise,” says a Delhi-based investment advisor. “This often leads to a barbell strategy—a mix of high-risk, high-yield instruments for growth, balanced by low-risk assets to weather volatile periods like the Covid crash.”

While cautious investing provides safe and assured returns, wealth cannot be built by playing it too safe. “Low risk tolerance usually stems from a lack of understanding of how different investments work,” says Shilpa Bhaskar Gole, Founder of Nerdybird.in.

The solution lies in educating your spouse on how various investments function, the risks involved, and the benefits of holding them over the long term. If your partner is an orthodox investor, make them understand the impact of inflation. Traditional instruments, such as fixed deposits and bonds, will not be able to beat inflation over time. Without putting money into the right assets, your long-term financial goals could be at risk.

This is where a financial planner can play a crucial role, making it easier to align the perspectives of both partners. Clearly communicate your joint and individual goals to the financial planner so that he creates a plan where the needs of both the partners are addressed.

“You’re putting our goals at risk for someone else’s problems.”
Flash point: Supporting relatives
If you are the altruistic type, be prepared to face this tricky situation. Lending money to friends or relatives without considering your own financial needs can derail your goals and lead to frustration.

“No amount of kindness, family pressure, or emotional obligation can justify jeopardising your financial plan. You ned to secure your own future before assisting others,” says Shah of GYR Financial Planners.

The amounts you give may seem small, but repeated instances can add up over time, diverting funds that could have compounded into significant wealth if invested wisely.

If you expect to be repaid, lending money is manageable, but problems arise when there is little chance of getting it back. “Instead of directly helping relatives financially, consider educating them on money management or helping them arrange a line of credit,” advises Azeez.

To avoid conflicts over this issue, have open conversations about your financial priorities before marriage. Both partners should clearly spell out their plans about financial support to relatives. This will help the couple assess the impact of support and help them make more informed decisions together.

“I was going to tell you later. It just slipped my mind.”
Flash point: Being secretive
This is something you’ll often hear if your partner has a habit of hiding purchases or debt. Secrecy in any aspect of a marriage can be harmful, and finances are no exception. “Being secretive about money is only going to lead to a broken marriage in the future,” says Gole of NerdyBird. The frustration that comes from discovering hidden purchases or debt sows discord in the relationship.

The secrecy often arises from lack of trust or fear of being nagged. “Transparency about financial decisions is fundamental for maintaining trust in a marriage,” says Agarwal of Finsafe.

Open communication is critical for addressing the problem. Couples should have regular conversations about finances and ensure both are aware of major expenditures or debts.

Unfortunately, you may not be able to spot this issue before marriage. However, creating a budget can help prevent these issues from arising. A joint account can be used for major and household expenses, while individual accounts can manage the remaining funds after covering bills and setting aside investments for your financial goals.

“We can’t keep living off loans; it’s unsustainable.”
Flash point: Mounting debt
Is your partner taking a loan for the latest iPhone16 or a flashy car? They probably have a habit of buying things on EMIs. If the expense is more than your budget allows, it can potentially strain the marriage. “My fiancé buys everything on EMIs because he believes in having what you need now,” says Delhi-based Shalini Bhatia.

Bhatia is concerned this behaviour will continue after marriage, leading to financial strain. Her fiancé, Girish Mehta, justifies his approach: “If I need something now, why should I wait 10 years to save for it?”

Her concerns are valid. This kind of spending habit can lead to frequent arguments and undermine long-term financial goals. It may even push a couple into a debt spiral. High-interest loans not only drain your savings, but the interest compounds over time, worsening the financial burden.

“You need to constantly remind them that financial planning isn’t just about today—it’s about securing the future,” says Agarwal. In some cases, partners may even hide their debts before marriage, only for the truth to emerge later. “One of the key red flags before marriage is discovering that your partner already has some debt,” warns Gole.