I have locked ze fuzzyheadedlady in ze closet so that I could tell you my story. I know it has been much too long since I have visited with you but ze fuzzy headed lady keeps me away from ze computer. She knows I am much more creative than she.
I came here because I wanted to tell you my story of love. Yes L-O-V-E, that wonderful feeling one gets in the deepest recesses of one’s loins. That feeling that makes your heart go the pitty-pat and ze butterflies to ruffle ze tummy. My story of love begins with a little trip to ze ocean.
Early Sunday morning ze fuzzyheadedlady she stuffed me in ze auto-mobile and whisked me off to destinations unknown. I watched intently out ze window so that I could find my way back should I be lost. I stepped on ze button that makes ze glass raise and fall and stuck my head out into ze fresh air. Then mon ami you know what happened? The car it did stop. Fuzzyheadedlady puts on the tether that she must wear so she does not wonder away from me and we see a pretty lady holding something in her arms. She bent over and that is when I saw the vision of loveliness.
It was as if Michael Angelo had sculpted her for himself. She stood pretending I did not exist but I could tell she was entranced. I ran over to her and promptly stuck my nose in her nether regions. I must admit I was bit forward, but she was a woman of such beauty I could not resist. She was sheepish like a multicolored lamb leaping in my dreams. I ran to the open door of the automobile and suggested she might like to take a ride with me. She turned her back and ran toward the house but the pretty lady retrieved her. The pretty lady was my angel of mercy and brought my beloved to me.
Fuzzyheaded lady sat in the front seat with my other minion Feedme Man.
I jumped from the front seat into the back where my beloved sat with pretty lady. She was so enthralled with my agility she showed me her lovely pearly white teeth then she emitted a perfectly harmonious growl.
I was un gazouillement. I could hardly contain myself and I lept toward the pretty lady’s lap next to this gossamer beaute’. I reached ze corner of the cushion and she propelled herself from pretty lady’s lap toward my neck. I figure she must really desire my manliness the way she jumped on me. I think perhaps she wants me so badly she will not even wait for me to seduce her. All too soon ze trip was cut too short and we were being once again tethered to ze fuzzylady and pretty lady. Zey take us toward ze water and zen zey walk us down ze dock.
Fuzzyheaded lady lifts me up and places me on ze boat but not my lovely one, no she gracefully and beautifully leaps onto ze board and runs past me. Once again she is playing the hard to get.
I do not give up. I am at a loss as to do next. I look around and there he is the Captain Pretzle.