Bertie Fridays #1: Here's Looking At You, Kid

This is our dog, Bertie. He's put on his best outfit for you.

And now, we're going to party like it's 2017, the year this blog embraced Kenny Wednesdays and Randy Tuesdays... with a celebration of rock 'n' roll's greatest Herberts. 

Starting with the one and only...

1. Bertie Higgins.

Elbert Joseph Higgins hailed from Florida where he started his working life as a ventriloquist and a sponge diver.

In 1982 he hit the US Top Ten with his debut single Key Largo, which appealed to Bogart and Baccall fans everywhere (including Terry Wogan and yours truly). The song tells the story of a young couple suffering through a long winter together, their only entertainment watching old films on the Late Late Show. Another single from the same album continued the theme...

Bertie Higgins - Casablanca

...but none of Bertie's subsequent records made quite the same splash as his hit named after the movie Key Largo.

We had it all
Just like Bogie and Bacall
Starring in our old late, late show
Sailing away to Key Largo

Here's lookin' at you kid
Missing all the things we did
We can find it once again, I know
Just like they did in Key Largo

Bertie's still touring though, and he was inducted into the Florida Music Hall of Fame in 2017. 

Next week... he's got the mad hits!

Celebrity Jukebox #32: Claudette Colbert

On Monday, I returned to work after the summer holidays. Normally, this would be the worst day of the year and I would have spent the last two weeks in a massive funk. But in the new job, going back to work was really no hardship (they even bought us pastries to welcome us back!), so the only real problem was when I realised I probably wouldn't have as much time as usual to put together the next Celebrity Jukebox post. I better pick someone with not many songs to their name.

That's not as easy as you think. Hedy Lamarr? On hold. Cyd Charisse? Postponed indefinitely. Surely there can't be more than one song that mentions Claudette Colbert? OK, the American Film Institute named her the 12th-greatest female star of classic Hollywood cinema... but that means there are 11 more lyric-worthy stars for pop stars to name drop, surely? Then again, she made 65 films during her career (top of the bill in 48 of them), she was Cleopatra before Elizabeth Taylor even got out of nappies and showed Clark Gable a thing or two in It Happened One Night. And she could sing too. 

There's no such thing as an easy win in this series. I was, at least, grateful to confirm that Claudette by The Everly Brothers wasn't dedicated to her, but that Roy Orbison penned the tune for his wife who was also called Claudette. Which I'm sure you knew, because you're smart that way.

I did find one tune named after Claudette Colbert, but with only 16 plays on youtube, it hardly seems worth a mention.

Much more interesting was this one from Michael Franks, "king of Quiet Storm" pop-jazz. You might shudder at the very idea, but I'm adding some Michael Franks to my late-night chill out compilations tout de suite. Deal with it. (Actually, this is from his early singer-songwriter days, and his eponymous debut album is really worth a listen.)

Those in the know will nod sagely when I add: this isn't even the best tune I know named after a certain 1948 Bogart flick. Anyway, Claudette shares good company here, with Bogie and Bacall, Fred Astaire and even Melvin Douglas... I'd be amazed if he ever turns up here again.

Me in my pleats like Fred Astaire

You in your curls like Claudette Colbert

Ain't we 'bout as cool as Iceland, baby?

And that would have done me, to be honest. Mission accomplished. I was just about to turn off the computer and go to bed when the interweb offered up another song littered with old movie stars, including Greta Garbo, Heddy Lamar, Vivian Lee, Charles Boyer and...

When they took her away she didn't put up a fight

She was Claudette Colbert in It Happened One Night

It happened one night in a Hollywood Hollywood

She was Outre Lorraine...

I can't find out anything about Richard John Wallace other than that he released one album in 1999 and then disappeared into obscurity. But damn it, if the rest of that album's as good as this, he's going on the bloody list.

Saturday Snapshots #93 - The Answers

All American Girl Carrie Underwood welcomes us to this week's answers - she's determined to stop Rol, Before He Cheats. Although she doesn't even know his Last Name.

(Look, I'm moving house in a week. Give me a break if the puns aren't up to standard. Also there is no suggestion here that I cheat when putting this quiz together. How would I even do that? Why would I even do that?)

Summer holidays are upon us, so I expect absentees over the next few weeks. Well done to Alyson for taking this week's early bird prize... and leaving some for others to crack!


10. Bodyline, perhaps? That's (how) to do it!

Bodyline was a cricketing scandal involving fast bowling.

Mr. Punch always said, "that's The Way to do it".

Fastball - The Way

Nobody remember this one?

9. Bogie in Florida meets Jeeves's pal... and Magnum's.

Bogie went to Florida in the movie Key Largo. (Great flick.)

Jeeves's pal was Bertie Wooster.

Magnum's pal was Higgins.

Bertie Higgins - Key Largo

Video of the week. If, like me, you have no shame.

8. Das Kapital? Winded.

What is the capital city of Germany?

Oof!

Berlin - Take My Breath Away

7. Led Zep's mutt races to Camptown to find Armstrong Avenue.

Led Zeppelin's drummer was John "Bonzo" Bonham.

A mutt is a dog.

Campdown Races sing this song, doo dah, doo dah...

Neil Armstrong was a spaceman, on an Avenue he'd be urban.

Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band - Urban

Yes, that was my token "50th Years Since The Moon Landing" clue, Lynchie. If I'd been cleverer, I'd have done the whole ten that way.

6. Black & white is dead... staring hideous amour in the face.

Living Colour - Love Rears Its Ugly Head

5. Size doesn't matter, not when you're running a temperature.

Little Willie John - Fever

4. Iv no job! Have to rely on our dad!

Anagram.

Our dad = Our Father. Which is a prayer. See? (If in doubt, try to work out if the most obvious song will fit the clue.)

Bon Jovi - Livin' On A Prayer

3. Sailors' caps and disposable beakers found at the wedding venue.

American Sailors' caps and disposable beakers were both known as Dixie Cups.

Dixie Cups - Chapel Of Love 

2. Not a toaster, more an immersive visual experience... you crazy fool!

Toasters used to be cliched Wedding Presents. This isn't a toaster though, it's David Gedge's other band... "an immersive visual experience".

Cinerama - Maniac

1. A big hug if you take care putting the stickers on.

Get Out Of This Town! At least until next Saturday morning when it all starts again...

My Top Ten Humphrey Bogart Songs

Another new feature. I pick a famous actor or actress, then find ten songs which link to them one way or another... and try to explain the link in as few words as possible.

We're starting with Humphrey Bogart because he is a legend. Not the greatest actor ever, but certainly one of the greatest movie stars. This guy had charisma, attitude, presence by the bucketload. He was a tough guy, sure, but he knew how to take a beating too. And while the kids of today probably wouldn't even know his name, the songwriters of yesterday couldn't stop writing about him. I could probably have made this a Top 20, just from songs that mention him by name (I won't be as direct with every star I choose), and I didn't even have to go to Nik Kershaw.


10. Peter Hammill - No More (The Submariner)

Get ready to have you brain fed through a Van der Graaf Generator. Prog off!

Oh! To be King John or Douglas Bader,
Humphrey Bogart or Victor Mature!
Which one is false and easy?
Which one harder?

9. Hall & Oates - Heavy Rain

Anyone who doesn't dig Hall & Oates, well... when you're slapped, you'll take it and like it.

We've seen a million faces
All staring at you and me
But just like Humphrey Bogart said
Before he passed out on his bed
Here's looking at you kid
And the rocky road ahead

8. Melissa Etheridge - Watching You

Probably one I should haved saved for volume 2 of My Top Ten Stalker Songs...

Sure I'm alright
No I'm not very cold
Every now and then I can feel the subway heat
So go on inside
I'll leave you alone
Anyway Bogart's on in the window down the street
And I gotta do something

7. Roxy Music - 2HB

2HB? To Humphrey Bogart. Thanks, Bryan.

Here's looking at you kid
Hard to forget
Here's looking at you kid
At least not yet
Your memory stays
It lingers ever
Will fade away never

6. The Good Rats - Tough Guys

Lots of famous tough guys from the golden age of Hollywood pop up in this Good Rats song, but Bogie takes centre stage...

Bogie, I've always dug your crowd
The fat man and Peter
And Claude and the rest

Play it again, Sam
These falcons have gone
To their nest
Oh, yes

5. The Beautiful South - I May Be Ugly

I pulled this one out for My Top Ten John Hurt Songs, but it's too good to ignore here...

He dreamt of those old-fashioned movies
Where Bogart gets the dame
But a lorry load of Lorre
Is still the score of pain

"A lorry load of Lorre"... that's some top alliterative punning right there.

4. Suzanne Vega - Freeze Tag

Two kids mucking around in a playground as winter draws in...

You stand
With your hand
In your pocket
And lean against the wall
You will be Bogart
And I will be
Bacall

3. The Donnas - Pass It Around

But there's always someone who's gotta spoil it for the rest of the gang
You're such a little Bogart and I'm sorry but you just can't hang

Why don't you pass it around
Don't bring the party down
If you don't pass it around
We'll run you right outta this town

I had to Urban Dictionary this one...

"To keep something all for oneself, thus depriving anyone else of having any. A slang term derived from the last name of famous actor Humphrey Bogart because he often kept a cigarette in the corner of his mouth, seemingly never actually drawing on it or smoking it."

See also Little Feat - Don't Bogart That Joint.

2. Al Stewart - Year of the Cat

On a morning from a Bogart movie
In a country where they turn back time
You go strolling through the crowd like Peter Lorre
Contemplating a crime
She comes out of the sun in a silk dress running
Like a watercolor in the rain
Don't bother asking for explanations
She'll just tell you that she came
In the year of the cat

Definitely Al's finest moment. (I wonder if I could have managed a Peter Lorre Top Ten?)

1. Bertie Higgins - Key Largo / Casablanca

Two for the price of one. Another couple I owe to Wogan, I suspect. No idea how else I'd remember these songs. The interweb informs me that "Bertie Higgins is one of China's most requested American entertainers". Good for him.

We had it all
Just like Bogie and Bacall
Starring in our old late, late show
Sailing away to Key Largo...

If you think I've missed any obvious ones out... they might crop up in volume two of this series... so you might be able to guess who's coming next.

Feel free to leave a comment, but remember: people lose teeth talking like that. If you want to hang around, you'll be polite.