Celebrity Jukebox #16: Lana Turner

I thought I'd saved the best of George's suggestions to last... until he came up with a whole new list, which I failed miserably at. You can't win 'em all.

Right now, it's Lana Turner, who was married seven times, which probably tells you all you need to know. Let's put it this way... The Postman Always Rang Twice for Ms. Turner.

Lana is the first of our stars to make an appearance on Madonna's own Celebrity Jukebox, although I'm sure she won't be the last...

Madonna - Vogue

Lana also enjoyed starring roles in many other popular tunes though. Here's a handful...

Humble Pie - Red Neck Jump

I'll let you down if you want to

Wrap it up and take it away

You can have a picture of Lana Turner 

Even though she'd get away

Steve Hackett - Little America

With Lana Turner on the screen beside me

The frame is hardly filled by Orson Wells

We switch into a Fred and Ginger number

That they're dancing oh so well

Slade - My Baby's Got It

Well, maybe you think you're Harlow, Lana Turner

Or a Hedy Lamarr

Well, baby baby baby believe me you go too far

However, there's one song and one song only that guarantees Lana Turner musical immortality. Take it away, Nina...

Liz Taylor is not his style

And even Lana Turner's smile

Is somethin' he can't see

My baby don't care who knows

My baby just cares for me

Snapshots #239: A Top Ten Coffee Songs

What better on a Sunday morning than a nice cup of coffee?

How about ten cups?

10. Sounds like a toilet in a British Rail train.

B.R. with a lu (loo) in the middle.

Blur - Coffee & TV

9. Lost in Kentish post.

"Kentish post" was an anagram.

Ink Spots - Java Jive

8. Archimedes was quite modest.

Archimedes came up with 𝝅 pi. He was very humble about it.

Humble Pie - Black Coffee

7. George, Roger, Ian, Val.

They were all Saints. (George Sanders, Roger Moore, Ian Ogilvy and Val Kilmer.)

All Saints - Black Coffee

6. First Lady might Endeavour.

Ella Fitzgerald was the First Lady of Song, of Jazz, and of Swing.

Endeavour was the first name of Inspector More.

So Ella may Morse. Or...

Ella Mae Morse - 40 Cups of Coffee

5. Rich man's party trick leads to burnt tongue.

This is why Jonathan Richman stopped the fire eating.

Jonathan Fire*Eater - Station Coffee

4. Communist's curls ignite.

That Lefty's hair is really frizzeling.

Lefty Frizzell - Cigarettes and Coffee Blues

3. Primitives quiz Portishead.

The Primitives had a Crash. Portishead had a Dummy. A quiz is a test.

Crash Test Dummies - Afternoons & Coffeespoons

2. Hallorann.

Dick Hallorann, in The Shining, as played by...

Scatman Crothers - Keep That Coffee Hot

1. Tight.

It's a tight Squeeze...

Get a free refill next Saturday morning.

Saturday Snapshots #77 - The Answers

Every Sunday morning, we discover the Heaven Is A Place On Earth, when the answers to Saturday Snapshots are finally revealed. And I Get Weak when I think about how much hard work you guys put into solving these clues. Sometimes I have an idea which are the hardest ones to guess, but if you'd asked me yesterday I'd have told you that was probably #7 this week... and yet Walter was first in with that yesterday. So what do I know?

I find it increasingly hard to add up the points for this every week, but I'm pretty sure yesterday was a 3-points-each draw between Lynchie & C. I'm sure Lynchie will tell me if I'm wrong. Thank you all for playing, as always.

Here are this week's answers...


10. Policewoman sees scarlet, burgundy and raspberry.

Scarlet, burgundy and raspberry are three colours red.

A policewoman would be a copper girl.

Three Colours Red - Copper Girl

9. Genesis, Chapter 3: where the muffins are docked.

Chapter 3 of Genesis was all about Eve.

Martha & the Muffins dock in a harbour.

All About Eve - Martha's Harbour

8. Eat this while saying sorry to Aretha on her birthday.

When you're sorry, you eat Humble Pie.

Aretha was a Natural Woman. She was born on her birthday.

Humble Pie - Natural Born Boogie

7. Bourne gets burnt by harmless fibs.

I had a student called Jason Bourne. He disappeared under mysterious circumstances. Gone dark, obviously.

Jason & The Scorchers - White Lies

6. The second third Bond enjoys a peach. I-T.

Thank you Alyson for correcting my Bond-counting and reminding me about poor old George Lazenby who appears in my favourite Bond film... yet is probably my least favourite Bond actor. (Although the way Daniel Craig is going, it's like he's trying his best to win that crown.)

Anyway, Roger Moore + Peach Melba =

Melba Moore - This Is It

5. Ludo, Snakes & Ladders, Grand Theft Auto... G.I. Antarctica.

G.I. Joe. Antarctica is in the south.

Joe South - Games People Play

4. Pharmaceutical siblings dancing with dustbin lids.

Johnson & Johnson?

Stomp! is those dustbin lid dancers.

The Brothers Johnson - Stomp!

3. A hind trim for conditional joiners.

A hind trim is an anagram.

Tim Hardin - If I Were A Carpenter

2. William of Cumbria wastes electricity.

Bill in da Carlisle. See?

Belinda Carlisle - Leave A Light On

1. Sour-faced and cut adrift.

A lesser-known Lemonheads tune from their breakthrough album, It's A Shame About Ray, but it was one of my favourites back in the day...



Live Your Life Be Free until next Saturday morning when Saturday Snapshots returns.

Hot 100 Countdown: #79

Bit rushed this week, so my apologies if I race through 79s. Some great suggestions for year-based songs, including...


Charity Chic - Tom Robinson: The Winter of '79


(I'll throw in one of my own at this point: The Ataris - Summer '79)


Lynchie - Smashing Pumpkins: 1979


Rigid Digit - Saxon: Denim & Leather with the following lyrics...

"Where were you in 79, when the dam began to burst?"

Well, you probably couldn't hear the dam bursting if you were listening to Saxon.

And another lyrical one from RD - REM: Ignoreland

"They hypnotized the summer, nineteen seventy nine"

Meanwhile, Alyson offered Elton John: Are You Ready For Love ('79 Version)… except, according to my research, Alyson, this would be '76 Version. If you're aware of a '79 version, I can't seem to find it. But feel free to bring it back 3 weeks hence.


Martin has known me longest though, so wins the 1979 award this week with his suggestion: Veruca Salt - Spider-Man '79. Clue - if there's a song with Spider-Man in it, there's a good chance I'll like it. However... that still wasn't my choice for this week.


The Swede offered the only non-year suggestion this week. And let's face it, if you can't have years, then streets are always a good second best... Humble Pie - 79th Street Blues. Let's be careful out there!


Onto this week's winners then, and from my record collection... still avoiding years wherever possible... it was a toss-up between two songs. The runner-up was this...


Cat Stevens - Sun/C79


Here, the 79 appears to be a room number in a hotel where The Cat had an assignation with a somewhat disreputable young lady.


This week's winner, though, was this, from the eponymous debut album - never bettered - by Vampire Weekend. M79 is a bus route in Manhattan...





78 next week, and a couple of obvious non-year suggestions spring to my mind... one of which I suspect will be very popular with some of the usual suspects... but the other might well be my pick.