Snapshots #420: Square Number Songs

You can pretty much tell AI didn't come up with that image, can't you? What can I say, I'm an old-fashioned guy, and I wanted a picture of a square dude holding a camera. Unlike yesterday when I showed you one of the residents of Albert's Square holding a camera. 

All in aid of - with great thanks to our resident Maths teacher, George, for suggesting the theme and many of the tunes - songs about Square Numbers. Working our way from the square of 15... down to the square of 1.

15. The very latest in toy soldiers.

New Model Army - 225

14. Often killed in avalanches.

The Mountain Goats - Move (Chicago 196x)

That was the hardest one to find, despite the fact that I love the Mountain Goats.

13. Just saying, it follows Burt… but only so far.

JS is, apparently, interweb shorthand for Just Saying.

Burt Bach...arach (only so far).

J.S. Bach - Cantata 169

12. Post pride.

Wouldn't be a George post without a bit of The Fall, which usually follows pride.

Also, I wouldn't have thought of this one on my own - a gross being 144.

The Fall - Gross Chapel / British Grenadiers

11. De Niro is waiting for Howard’s End.

Howard's End was written by E.M. Forster. Robert De Niro has been waiting for that.

Robert Forster - 121

10. Humming, Thunder, Surfing. 

Hummingbirds, Thunderbirds, Surfin' Bird.

The Byrds - One Hundred Years From Now

9. Some were talking to Jesus and Mary, the rest were saved for the Brotherhood.

Jesus & Mary Chain sang about Some Candy Talking. The Brotherhood of Man were saving their kisses for you.

Candy & The Kisses – The 81

8. They’ll never be stale.

"Be stale" was an anagram.

The Beatles - When I'm Sixty-Four

7. When you hear the bing, the whiskey will be fermented, so grit your teeth till then.

Bing Crosby. Whiskey is fermented in Stills. Gnash your teeth.

Crosby, Stills & Nash - 49 Bye-Byes

6. Where pretty penguins live.

The Beautiful South - 36D

5. An O.J. Celeb.

Orange Juice was the band of Edwyn Collins. A celeb is a starr.

Edwin Starr - 25 Miles

4. Caroline is determined.

Caroline was Sweet. The is a determiner.

The Sweet - Six Teens 

Thank you, George. That's a belter.

3. Soviet strikers.

¡Forward, Russia! - Nine

2. Spill the milk wide.

"Milk wide" was an anagram.

Kim Wilde - Four Letter Word

1. Silence was golden when he was a child.

Pictured with his Mum and Dad (Chip Hawkes from The Tremeloes)...

Don't be square - join me again for more Snapshots next Saturday.

Soundtracks: Yellowjackets

Louise and I binge-watched the first series of Yellowjackets over the past week. It involves a girls' football team (or "soccer" team, as this is the US) that crash-lands in a remote area of the Canadian mountains in the mid-90s and remain stranded there for almost two years. The show also catches up with four of the survivors in the present day, with a stand out performance from Melanie Lynskey, and a savage double act of Juliette Lewis and Christina Ricci that regularly had me laughing. Out loud. Although I shouldn't need to add those last two words, since laughter is generally out and loud. It's rare we internalise laughter and if it's quiet then it's not really laughter, is it? It's a snigger, at best. But I digress...

Yellowjackets mixes horror, suspense and black comedy to great effect. It's Lost with cannibalism, and more of a sense of humour. The soundtrack is pretty cool too, featuring a lot of carefully selected 90s hits, including welcome returns for Belly, Liz Phair and The Offspring. (I was also surprised how many of the more poppier tunes I felt an affectionate twinge of nostalgia for... step forward, Montell Jordan.) It's not all 90s all the time either: occasionally the soundtrack ventures further back, with Kim Wilde's Cambodia getting a rare spin, alongside... well, this...

Although I have a small amount of time for early Ultravox, I'd long since dismissed their biggest hit as over-played radio twaddle. However, it cropped up prominently in two separate episodes of Yellowjackets, and hearing it again after all this time sent a fair few shivers down my spine. Suddenly, the gated reverb sounds menacing, Midge Ure's desperate vocals truly tragic, and the elliptical lyrics bordering on meaningful. Proof positive that a new context can make you reconsider any song... Midge's moustache, on the other hand, still looks like something the cat could lick off with a spot of well-placed cream... and I somehow doubt the ladies from Yellowjackets would stop there.

Saturday Snapshots #164 - The Answers

 

So, you think Saturday Snapshots is funny, do ya?

Funny how?

Funny like a clown?

See how funny you find these answers, smart guy...

10. Stringed testament - I'll be fine on my own.

A stringed testament might be a viola will.

Viola Wills - Gonna Get Along Without You Now

9. Ow, baby - it's only a small flight.

The Five Stairsteps - O-o-h Child

8. The cost of a sunbeam that gets out after dark. 

The cost of a sunbeam would be the ray price.

Ray Price - Nightlife

Wonderful late night tune.

7. Crossing the river of glue.

Ferry 'Cross The Mersey?

Bryan Ferry - Let's Stick Together

6. Stan joins the Distinguished Competition! I never thought I'd...

If Stan Lee ever went to join his Distinguished Competition, he would have become DC Lee. (One for the comic fans there. Well, me.)

I never thought I'd see the day...

Dee C. Lee - See The Day 

5. Ratty & Mole's pal keeps his chain moving even though he trips.

Ratty & Mole were friends with Mr. Toad. A sprocket keeps a chain moving.

Toad The Wet Sprocket - Fall Down

4. Dual transformations.

Dual would be a two pack.

Tupac - Changes

With a little help from Bruce Hornsby & The Range, obviously.

3. Lawn display during Cuban Missile Crisis.

A lawn display would be a Grass Show.

The Cuban Missile Crisis happened in 1962.

Grass Show - 1962

Lost classic!

2. Kardashian meets An Ideal Husband for an irregular romance.

Kim Kardashian meets Oscar Wilde for a spot of chequered love...

Kim Wilde - Chequered Love

Steady on, gentlemen of a certain age.

1. Angry insect, brewers, menacing dog & child all live together - it's like madness!

An angry insect would be a cross bee.

Stills are used to brew things.

Dennis The Menace's dog is Gnasher.

A child is young.

Madness sang about living together in Our House.

Don't stay Home Alone next Saturday. Snapshots will always be here to keep you company!

My Top Ten Mondegreens

Mondegreens. Misheard lyrics. You'll find them all over the internet, but here are ten GENUINE ones from my past. I honestly thought these were the actual lyrics... until finally, often many years later, I discovered the truth.


10. Kim Wilde - Chequered Love

What do you want for tea, Kim?

"Chicken, love."

Possibly the earliest mondegreen I ever encountered... or at least, the earliest one I can remember. She just can't get enough chicken, love. I still hear that today...

Chequered Love!

9. Madonna - La Isla Bonita

"Young girl, with eyes like potatoes"

This is one of the ones you'll see a lot on websites that discuss mondegreens. Most of the other examples they quote sound preposterous to me, apart from Bohemain Rhapsody's famous "Beelzebub had a devil for a sideboard". But this... this was exactly what I thought Madonna was singing in 1986. Apparently, a lot of people also thought the opening line to this song was the racially offensive, "Last night I dreamt of some dago". Poor old Madonna. Enunciate, luv.

Young girl with eyes like the desert

I'm having a hard time accepting Madonna will be 60 this year. Bad enough that Kylie just turned 50.

8. Tori Amos - Professional Widow

Honey, bring me a toaster pie

Honey, bring me toast to my lips, yeah

Must be what they call Pop Tarts in America, I thought at the time. A Toaster Pie. That made perfect sense to me.

Honey bring it close to my 

Honey bring it close to my lips, yeah

Not far off, actually. And I still think she's singing about a Toaster Pie.

7. Erasure - A Little Respect

"What will you do to make me

Call Martin Scorcese's number?"

I've been planning this particular Top Ten for a while now and whenever I heard a song from my youth with a lyric I just couldn't explain, I had to go and check out the real thing. I swear I always thought Andy Bell was asking for Martin Scorcese's number in this song. I have no idea why.

What religion or reason

Could drive a man to forsake his lover

Now I've read the real lyric, I can't even hear the Martin Scorcese bit anymore. It's gone.

6. Bob Marley - Is This Love?

"We'd be together

With a roof rack over our head"

What a nice romantic image that is, Bob. Somewhere to store your tandem bike when you're on the road, presumably.

We'll be together

With a roof right over our heads

Oh. One word can change your whole interpretation of a song.

5. Michael Jackson - Don't Stop Till You Get Enough

"Keep on - to the Post Office

Don't stop till you get enough"

Enough what, Michael? Stamps? Airmail stickers? Postal Orders? (Do they even have Postal Orders anymore? Probably not. Another archaic item from our past.)

What did Michael want from the Post Office?

Keep on

With the force don't stop

Don't stop till you get enough

Really? What is that, a Star Wars reference?

You know, I think I prefer my version.

4. Boston - More Than A Feeling

"I see my derriere walking away..."

For many, many years it always baffled me how The Bloke Out Of Boston (do you know his name?) could possibly see his own backside if he was walking away. Was he looking over his shoulder into a mirror? Wasn't he looking where he was going? Accident waiting to happen, right there...

I see my Marianne walkin' away

3. Eurythmics - There Must Be An Angel (Playing With My Heart)

"No one on earth could be like me

I'm running, overgrown with fleas..."

Somebody get Annie a flea collar - stat!

No one on earth could feel like this

I'm thrown and overflown with bliss

2. Meat Loaf - Bat Out Of Hell

"I'm gonna hit the highway like a battering ram,

I'm a Cilla Black fan, am I!"

You might wonder why Meat was such a big fan of Our Cilla... I certainly did. Then again, BOOH was written by Jim Steinman, who is officially BARKING MAD, so why shouldn't he throw in a reference to Cilla? Maybe he was after a blind date...

I'm gonna hit the highway like a battering ram,

On a Silver Black Phantom Bike

When I found out the real lyrics, I was just as confused? Is that a Black Phantom bike that's painted silver? Or is it Silver-Black? What the hell is Silver-Black, Jim? Is that even a colour?

1. Elvis Costello - The Angels Wanna Wear My Red Shoes

These may not be as amusing as some of the ones above, but they speak to how I spent a large part of my late teens and early twenties: headphones on, sat beside the stereo, listening to Elvis Costello albums and trying to write down the lyrics. There were never any lyric sheets in Elvis's records and the way he spat and twisted and punned his way through the language was endlessly fascinating... but also a little frustrating when I just couldn't work out what he was singing. Even now, almost 30 years later, I can still remember the time I spent puzzling over this one song in particular...

"Our love got fractured into echo and suede"

Our love got fractured in the echo and sway

"But since you got in my pumps, you just suspend my sentence"

Ever since you got me punctured this has been my sentence

Fortunately, the greatest lyrical couplet this song has to offer was clear as a bell...

Oh, I said, "I'm so happy I could die"

She said, "Drop dead" then left with another guy...

Your turn! There must be a misheard lyric or two in your back catalogue. Do share.

Saturday Snapshots #21 - The Answers

Why do I give out the answers to Saturday Snapshots on Sunday morning?

Because the night belongs to lovers...



10. A coyote stuck in a bog leads to evil deeds.

Wile E. Coyote stuck in some peat.

Pete Wylie - Sinful

Martin & The Swede shared this one.

9. A fallen apple gets squeezed by ante meridiem seraphim.

Newton's apple gets juiced.

Juice Newton - Angel of the Morning

After a no-show last week, Alyson got up extra early this week to steal the points.

8. Karma from fresh chemical reactions.

New Radicals - You Get What You Give

Another one for Martin. (I had him pegged for this one.)

7. Nile's band in the past... I didn't even know you were pregnant!

Nile Rodgers' band (well, one of them) was Chic. In the past would be a long time ago.

Chicago - Baby, What A Big Surprise!

Another one for Alyson. CC had an interesting alternative.

6. Crazy (like her dad) in the States.

Yes, that's a very young Kim Wilde... and her dad, Marty.

Kim Wilde - Kids In America

Alyson's old flatmate went to school with Kim Wilde! 

5. Russian revolutionaries sharing a slide.

One of the big Russian Revolutions was the Decembrist revolt.

Decemberists - We All Go Down Together

George & The Swede teamed up for this.

4. Rest your drink on the garrulous bison.

The Coasters - Yakety Yak

Alyson again.

3. New York to L.A. with half of Mark Twain's finest.

Mark Twain's finest book was Huckleberry Finn. (Sorry, Tom.)

Coast To Coast - Do The Hucklebuck

Charity Chic has no shame. Respect!

2. Anthony the crazy Mexican visits James Brown in a chilly Saudi city.

Tone was loc' (short for loco).

Medina is a city in Saudi Arabia.

Tone Loc - Funky Cold Medina

Another one for Martin, nipping at Alyson's heels.

1. Hug a thug.

Possibly my favourite clue ever.

Martin beat George to it by 3 minutes.

Embrace - Hooligan





I think Alyson just stole this week from Martin, but it was a close-run contest. Thanks, everybody!

More next week, unless Donald has given me my gun by then.