Hot 100 #22

The 22-20s! Remember them? Say yes, and I promise not to use them again in two weeks' time.

This is what they sounded like.

Welcome back. You know the drill. Songs with 22 in it. Remember that the Lime Green Rule now applies. Titles only, no more lyrical mentions. Unless I really, really like them.

Martin was first up this week, with a right old list...

Paul Weller - 22 Dreams

The Moody Blues - 220,000 Days

Sting and Shaggy - 22nd Street (if nothing else, it'll irk the muso's, right?)

Martin! And I thought  I had no shame!

How the mighty have fallen. What was Shaggy thinking?

The Flaming Lips - When Yer 22

That was on my list.

Golden Smog - 5-22-02 

That should have been.

Ariane Moffatt - 22h22 (double whammy!)

New to me. I'm presuming she's not related to Adrian Moffat?

Iron Maiden - 22 Acacia Avenue  (I'd better stop there)

No, you should have stopped before you got to Sting. As should Shaggy.

Hang on, though, here's Rigid Digit to second your suggestion - with added info...

...the second song of the "Charlotte Saga" (Charlotte The Harlot / 22 Acacia Avenue / Hooks In You / From Here To Eternity).
The first two are Charlotte songs, the last two are a bit tenuous but still considered part of the ongoing story.

Fair enough. If we're going metal this week... here's my contribution.

Queensrÿche - Waiting For 22

Martin, meanwhile, had one more point to make:

And more songs called Catch-22 than you can shake a stick at.

You'd think so, wouldn't you? Although I could only find two. This one...

Pink - Catch 22

And this one from Douglas...

Erasure would be my go-to for one of the plethora of "Catch 22" songs. I left the Erasure train long before 2000's "Loveboat" album.

Erasure - Catch 22

While we're with Douglas, what else did he have to offer?

Norah Jones - She's 22  Sad, if you listen to the lyrics.

She's twenty two

And she's loving you

And you'll never know how it makes me blue

Does it make you happy?

But the real pick of the lot would be my Can-Con contribution ("Canadian Content", for those outside my home country, a term coined decades ago by government regulators of our airwaves to protect our ears from over-Americanization). How about the obscure and experimental b-side by Martha and the Muffins called "22 in Cincinnati"? Very moody, that one.

Martha & The Muffins - 22 in Cincinatti

That's just weird. Is that a purring cat in the middle? (Amazingly Jim in Dubai seconded that rather obscure choice.) Still, we like weird here. That's why we keep The Swede around. Here he is with this week's even weirder selections...

'Room Twenty Two', a dubwise selection from the marvellous 'Black Market Meets Mired & Wise Owl in​ the Twilight Zone'.

Black Market Meets Mired & Wise Owl in​.​.​. THE TWILIGHT ZONE - Room 22

Thank you, Swede. I never thought I'd hear The Twilight Zone theme tune gone reggae. Anything else?

The Album Leaf - Twentytwo Fourteen a quite lovely instrumental.

Cheers, as always, Swede.

Oh, hang on. Douglas isn't done yet.

Oh, and if we're getting lax about the Lime Green Rule now, what about the iconic opening lines of Billy Bragg's "A New England". A Classic, that one, though I suspect Billy's a bit older than 22 now.

It's worth pointing out that Billy Bragg is the easy way round most rules and regulations, lime green or otherwise.

Billy Bragg - A New England

I was twenty one years when I wrote this song

I'm twenty two now, but I won't be for long

People ask when will you grow up to be a man

But all the girls I loved at school

Are already pushing prams

The irony, of course, is that as of last week, we do have a new England (and Scotland, Wales & Northern Ireland). Sadly, not the one Billy wanted though.

Of course, if we're playing that, we also have to play this...

Kirsty MacColl - A New England

And this, the place Billy stole those lines from...

Simon & Garfunkel - The Leaves That Are Green

I was twenty-one years when I wrote this song

I'm twenty-two now but I won't be for long

Time hurries on

And the leaves that are green

Turn to brown

OK, we've got all those out of the way now. Fine tunes each one, but we won't be revisiting them next week. Just in case you were tempted.

Lynchie's up next, with a track that's probably the inspiration for the band at the top of the page.

Skip James - 22 20 Blues He plays piano instead of guitar on this track.

Oh, but he's not done there. Still looking to irk the ref (Charity Chic) by flouting the Lime Green Rule...

If it wasn't for the lime green rule, I'd have gone for the awesome... 

Neil Young - Powderfinger

Daddy's gone, my brother's out hunting in the mountains

Big John's been drinking since the river took Emmy Lou

So the powers that be left me here to do all the thinking

And I just turned twenty-two

I was wondering what to do

And the closer they got,

The more those feelings grew...

Don't worry, Neil. As has already been pointed out above, you won't be 22 for long.

Back to Rigid Digit, who has another suggestion from my own shortlist...

Lily Allen - 22

When she was 22 the future looked bright

But she's nearly 30 now and she's out every night

I see that look in her face, she's got that look in her eye

She's thinking how did I get here and wondering why

It's sad but it's true how society says her life is already over

There's nothing to do and there's nothing to say

'Til the man of her dreams comes along

Picks her up and puts her over his shoulder

It seems so unlikely in this day and age

She's got an alright job but it's not a career

Whenever she thinks about it, it brings her to tears

'Cause all she wants is a boyfriend, she gets one night stands

She's thinking how did I get here, I'm doing all that I can

And while we're in that area, I'm surprised nobody suggested this...

Taylor Swift - 22

She may have gone a bit mental in recent years, but she can definitely crack out a fine pop song from time to time.

Almost at the end of your suggestions, and it's a welcome return from Swiss Adam...

Moon Duo - Stumbling 22nd Street

...which turns out to be a fine old racket. Thanks for that, SA.

OK, let's scrape the barrel of my hard drive...

Travis - 1922

Styx - 22 Years

That's better than you think it will be.

Kelis - 22nd Century

Babes In Toyland - 22

Night Beds - 22

The Divine Comedy - 22nd of February

Monkey Swallows The Universe - 22

Much missed, Monkey Swallows The Universe.

Roy Orbison - 22 Days

BMX Bandits - 4 Minutes 22

(Which is actually 2 minutes 23, just to be awkward.)

All of which leaves of with just two final suggestions. The first comes from C, who's been biding her time, waiting to suggest this one...

The Rakes - 22 Grand Job

I wonder what an entry-level job in London pays 15 years later?

The Rakes almost clinched it too. Until Jim in Dubai played his trump card... and knocked all the other fish out of the water.

The Man from Delmonte - Drive Drive Drive (22 And Still in Love With You)

Well, I never liked your politics

Never read your books

Our only common interests were...

Your looks

What can I say to that, other than the rather obvious... YES! What a great tune.



Next week, just like Benjamin Button, we slip back from 22 to 21. Key to the door, anyone?

My Top Ten 5am Songs

So there I was, just a few weeks back, complaining about having to get up at 6am. I should have remembered that in the summer, when the wood pigeon outside my bedroom window gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning, 6am is a lie in...

Here's ten bleary-eyed tunes to celebrate the light mornings.



10. Blur - Tracy Jacks

As with much of Parklife-era Blur, I loved Tracy Jacks at the time... but I find Damon's barking gets on my nerves these days. Still, for the good old days, it's worth pointing out that Tracy left home at 5 o'clock in the morning. And the bits where Damon sings rather than shouting are still quite nice.

From the same era (but aging slight better), I also offer Kenickie - 5 a.m.

9. The Village People - Five O'Clock In The Morning

In the early 80s, even The Village People had to accept that disco was dead. Their new wave change of direction (minus their signature costumes and camp) was greeted by derision (yeah, I know the idea of The Village People being treated with derision is hard to grasp) with one critic commenting the album was "simply an embarrassment that never should have seen the light of day." I've not heard the rest of the record, but I do like this song. Which only goes to prove that critics are... and I am... The video is brilliant.

8. Charlotte Gainsbourg - 5:55

You'd never guess that Charlotte was Serge and Jane's daughter. Not from watching this video, anyway. No siree. Maybe there was a mix-up on the maternity ward.

Sarcasm aside, you can pretty much imagine what she gets up to at 5:55. She's not doing the ironing.

Where do the French get their energy from? That's what I want to know.

7. Aphrodite's Child - Five O'Clock

Greek prog with Demis Roussos. I'll play this one for The Swede. Imagine A Whiter Shade Of Pale sung by the Go Compare man. And yet, I love it.

6. Mark Knopfler - 5.15 a.m.

Mark goes back to his Geordie roots. He will mostly be remembered as an axe-man. His lyrics deserve more attention.

The one armed bandit man Came north to fill his boots Came up from cockneyland
E-type jags and flashy suits Put your money in
Pull the levers Watch them spin Cash cows in all the pubs But he preferred the new nightclubs

5. Michelle Shocked - 5 am In Amsterdam

How does Michelle tell the time in the Netherlands? Listen to find out.

4. The Persuaders - A Thin Line Between Love & Hate

A soul classic which is also a hilarious tale of hell having no fury like a woman scorned. When he gets home at five, his lady is all sweetness and light, even offering to make him some toast. Cut to the next verse...

Here  am in the hospital
Bandaged from fee to head
In a state of shock
Just that much from being dead
Didn't think my woman would do something like this
Didn't think my girl had the nerve
Well, here I am
I guess actions speak louder than words...

Hitchcock would be happy with that twist.

3. Lily Allen - Who'd Have Known?

And this is why Lily Allen deserves to be mentioned in the same sentence as Kirsty MacColl.

My Top Ten: proud to have been irking the musos since before 2012.

2. Billy Bragg & Cara Tivey - She's Leaving Home

Apparently this was originally recorded by some obscure 60s combo: sadly I'm not enough of a muso to be familiar with their outfit and obviously their version couldn't have been as good as Billy and Cara's because it didn't even make the chart, unlike this smash hit Number One from 1988.

I'm sorry... Wet Wet Who?

1. Rialto - Monday Morning, 5.19

One of a clutch of classic Rialto singles from the Britpop era which has aged far better than Tracy Jacks. Heartbreaking too.




Which one sounds better than a 5am wood pigeon?

My Top Ten The Fear Songs

There are lots of songs that deal with fear... Don't Fear The Reaper, Fear of a Black Planet, Party Fears Two, The Pop Singer's Fear of the Pollen Count... but this week I want to look at songs that deal specifically with THE Fear.

What's interesting is that all these songs come from the last 20 years (pre- and post-millennial angst must be the driving factor). Be afraid... be very afraid...


10. Graham Coxon - The Fear

Still the least annoying member of Blur, and pretty prolific as a solo artist. This is from his second album, way back in 2000, and it's obviously about being caught between Damon and Alex. What could be scarier?

9. Ben Howard - The Fear

Very popular with the young uns these days, and he certainly plays a mean guitar on this one. Not really sure he says anything to me about my life... but then, he was born in 1987*, so he's still a whippersnapper.

8. Ricky Ross - The Fear

An ominous little angry-acoustic number from the main man of Deacon Blue, virtually impossible to find on the internet because of someone called Rick Ross who apparently is also rather popular with young people these days. The live version I tracked down is a little echoey, but at least you can hear Ricky's accent is still strong.

7. Röyksopp - The Fear

I don't pretend to understand what Röyksopp are all about, but every now and then I dig a bit of ambient electronic fear-mongering.

6. Boo Radleys - Best Lose The Fear

We'd all like to disappear every now and then. This is from Giant Steps, the album just before the Boo Radleys woke up the whole world (for fifteen minutes, anyway).

5. Travis - The Fear

It's easy to pigeonhole Travis as the rather twee and jangly band they became, but there was a real edge to their first couple of albums, and I'd forgotten how much I liked this particular song from The Man Who.

And just in case you were wondering, they took their name from Harry Dean Stanton's character in Paris, Texas... not Bickle or Dave Lee.

4. Ian Brown - F.E.A.R.

The title almost disqualified it, but if you're familiar with the song at all you'll know that Ian is as obsessed with the definite article as any of the other songs on this list. Plis, if I was walking round Soho and a King Monkey came riding towards me, backwards, on a bicycle, I think I'd be pretty damned terrified.

3. Doves - There Goes The Fear

It's weird when you consider that Doves started life as the (imho bloody awful) dance-pop combo Sub Sub. I far preferred Doves, and this was perhaps their finest moment - a Top 3 single that was deleted on the day of its release, meaning if you didn't buy it immediately, chances are you never got a copy.

If you're wondering what Doves fear, the video offers a few clues...

2. Lily Allen - The Fear

I heard Bob Harris play this among his usual mix of country, classic rock and Americana the other week... and it didn't stick out at all. Because like many other artists Bob plays (and unlike so much other contemporary pop music), Lily Allen actually has something to say in this song... and in her work in general. She may well be one of the most important pop stars we have in this country at the moment. With so much bland, anodyne and over-produced music clogging up what's left of the singles chart these days ("I was born in 1972, you know!"), it's great that Lily can still hit Number One with a song like this: a scathing indictment of contemporary society packed with wit, attitude and genuine pop hooks. 

(*Lily was born in 1985, a much better year.)

1. Pulp - The Fear

This Is Hardcore remains my favourite album of the 90s. The opening track set the tone for the darkest Pulp record (which is saying something, if you've heard Freaks or Masters of The Universe), the one that marked the grubby death of Britpop just as Different Class had celebrated its heights. Radiohead had set the ball rolling a year earlier with OK Computer, but Pulp's wilful act of pop self-destruction was the audio equivalent of stage-invading Michael Jackson's messianic abyss at the Brits. Plus, at 26 years old, alone in a tiny one-up one-down hovel somewhere between the pylons and the motorway, this record really was the soundtrack to my life...

This is our Music from A Bachelors Den
- the sound of loneliness turned up to ten.
A horror soundtrack from a stagnant water-bed & it sounds just like this.
This is the sound of someone losing the plot -
making out that they're okay when they're not.
You're gonna like it, but not a lot & the chorus goes like this:

Extra points for quoting Paul Daniels there.

It's a weird thing, but I still think of the 90s as being within reaching distance... yet this was released 18 years ago now, and by then decade was almost done. When I realise that, I really do feel The Fear.





Which one gives you the heeby-jeebies?