Snapshots Spillover - More Nonsense

More song titles without real words in them, starting with the ones I rejected this weekend for being too obvious...

The Crystals - Da Doo Ron Ron

Manfred Mann - Do Wah Diddy Diddy

The Police - De Do Do Do De Da Da Da

Bob B. Soxx and the Blue Jeans - Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah

Crash Test Dummies - Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

Trio - Da Da Da

The Beatles - Ob La Di Ob La Da

Small Faces - Sha La La La Lee

Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich - Zabadak

Silver - Wham Bam Shang-A-Lang

The 5.6.7.8s - Woo Hoo

Little Richard - Bama Lama Bama Loo

The Rivingtons - Papa-Oom-Mow-Mow

The Rubettes - Foe-Dee-O-Dee 

Dickey Doo & The Don'ts - Nee Nee Na Na Na Na Nu Nu                  

Ten Years After - Skoobly Oobly Doobob          

Ernie K-Doe - Te Ta Te Ta Ta                                         

LaVern Baker - Tra La La

Nina Hagen - Wau Wau

And, of course, the ultimate... which always reminds me of Leland Palmer in Twin Peaks...

I fully expect Ernie or George will fill the comments box with info about some of the above not being nonsense at all... but that's just more fun.

Namesakes #74: Sting

Here it is. The one you've all been waiting for! 

What is it about Sting that makes us love to take the piss out of him? Is it his lyrics? (Who else could rhyme cough with Nabakov? Or ask us, with a serious face, if the Russians love their children too?) Is it the fact that he claims his name was derived from the jazzy yellow and black pullover he used to wear? Is it because he was one of those teachers who thought all the girls fancied him? Is it all the great work (he tells us) he does for charidee? Is the tantric sex? Or is because he's such great mates with Bono? Whatever the reason, Sting has been a figure of ridicule for as long as I can remember. But let's face it, he's one of a kind. 

Isn't he? 

STING #1

Guitarist Dave Howman and drummer Gavin Dare were the main songwriting team behind London glam-wannabes Sting in the mid-70s. Howman later went on to write music for Monty Python, One Foot In The Grave and the TV adaptation of The Wind In The Willows, as well as forming Melody Maker's 1983 "Band Of The Year", The Boyfriends.

STING #2

Hey ladies! Don't you ever wonder how Sting does it in the shower? Well, here's your answer from 1978 and the The Disco Corporation of America!

STING #3

Next, some Aussie proggers, also from 1978, with a lyric I'm sure Mr. Sumner would be extremely jealous of...

Hey, Mr. Blind Man,
Tell me what you see
Can you picture flowers?
Can you look out to the sea?

STING #4

And now... the main attraction. Unlike Bono, I don't hate Sting. I even think some of the stuff he did with the Rozzers is excellent - particular So Lonely and Can't Stand Losing You, before too much of the cod-Reggae influence crept in. 

Solo though... I can't say he's written many songs that have leapt out of the radio at me. I had a look down his singles chart history and there was a lot of aural wallpaper. In fact, the only solo track I really like is his debut single (probably because he didn't write it), from the soundtrack of the movie version of Dennis Potter's controversial play Brimstone & Treacle, in which Sting "acts". 

Which Sting spreads a little happiness for you... and which Sting has you reaching for the calamine lotion?

 

Snapshots #276: A Top Ten Doo Doo Songs

All hails Michael McDonald, King of Doo! Well, Doobie. Because he's from the Doobie Brothers. You see? Have I explained that enough?

Here's ten songs with some Doo in them...

10. Filthy.

"The Filth" is not particularly complimentary slang for The Police.

The Police - De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da

Some of Sting's very best lyrics, right there.

9. When Henry Met Serena.

Lenny Henry meets Serena Williams.

Lenny Williams - Shoo Doo Fu Fu Ooh

(Top 40 hit in 1977, pop pickers.)

8. Laverne's Street Blues.

Lauren Laverne from Kenickie & 6Music sings on the Hill.

Lauryn Hill - Doo-Wop (That Thing)

7. He can always sell any dream to me... and may be related to #8.

Joshua Kadison sang "Jesse, you can always sell any dream to me". And this is another Hill.

Jessie Hill - Ooh Poo Pah Doo

6. Interdit aux moins de 21 ans.

That's the warning label that appeared on copies of Serge & Jane's infamous 1969 Number 1 hit. And I'm sure nobody under 21 bought a copy.

Jane Birkin - Di Doo Dah

5. White lies from a Glasvegas social worker.

Glasvegas sang about their social worker, Geraldine.

White lies are fibs.

The Geraldine Fibbers - You Doo Right

4. Played keyboards in the band.

That's Manfred Mann (born Manfred Sepse Lubowitz), who played keyboards in the band that took his name. Paul Jones sang the songs.

Manfred Mann - Do Wah Diddy Diddy

3. The Longer Tonsils.

A rather fitting anagram.

The Rolling Stones - Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo (Heartbreaker)

2. Ask Ethan.

Anyone who watched GLOW will recognise the subject of today's second anagram, the wonderful...

Kate Nash - Do-Wah-Doo

1. Charley's Chandeliers.

Charley Pride sang about Crystal Chandeliers.

An obvious Number One...

Doo come back next Saturday for more Snapshots...

Snapshots #189: A Top Ten Bottle Songs

Ah, my old friend, Jack. So long parted.... 20 years since we spent any real time together. Not that I think you'd do me any good if you and I were still together. Not right now, anyway.

Sigh. Bottled up answers to follow...

10. 5-0.

As in Hawaii 5-0...

The Police - Message In A Bottle

9. Ian's geriatric haul.

Anagram!

Christina Aguilera - Message In A Bottle

8. Sounds like the paintings of an old crone.

Hag art!

Merle Haggard - Tonight The Bottle Let Me Down

7. Conversational measurement of power.

Ben has conversations.

Power is measured in watts.

Ben Watt - Empty Bottles

6. There's no I, so don't stop.

There's no I in team!

The Go-Team - Bottle Rocket

5. The Man From Mississippi... honey.

The Man From Uncle.

Tupelo Honey, from Mississippi.

Uncle Tupelo - Whiskey Bottle

4. The first martyr was French.

Saint Etienne was the first martyr. Google it.

Saint Etienne - Milk Bottle Symphony

3. Ah, inflated Julia: III.

Anagram (rather an easy one)!

Juliana Hatfield Three - Spin The Bottle

2. Knitting in the exercise room.

Crochet in the gym.

Jim Croche - Time In A Bottle

1. I am not in heroin, neither is the White boy.

Take the I from heroin and you're left with Heron.

Jack White's boy would be Jack's son.

As long as I don't bottle it (pun stolen from CC), Saturday Snapshots will return next week...

My Top Ten Social Distancing Songs

 

Step back, please. As we all head back into lockdown, it's time to social distance in song...

10. The Police - Don't Stand So Close To Me

Let's start with the obvious one, eh?

All the girls in Mr. Sting's class fancied their teacher.

9. Hall & Oates - So Close

A mismatched romance, contained one of the great lyrical couplets to describe such an inequality...

He fell like a rock, 

She kinda liked him.

But as for being relevant to our current predicament, try this...

We believe in tomorrow, though we're stuck in today.

Baby we're so close, so close, yet so far away.

8. Dire Straits - So Far Away

I'm tired of bein' in love and bein' all alone

When you're so far away from me

I'm tired of makin' out on the telephone

'Cause you're so far away from me

Bonus track with the same title...

Stephen Duffy - So Far Away

When I was a young, young man

Back in the Twentieth Century

Well, you made your own amusements then

Flying to the moon

The benefit of hindsight

Is always black and white

There always were contrasting ways

To help you through the night

From bright morning star to morning sun

But they are so far away

That I won’t even ask them to stay

7. Richard Thompson - Keep Your Distance

Keep your distance, keep your distance

When I feel you close to me what can I do but fall

Keep your distance, oh keep your distance

With us it must be all or none at all

6. Suzanne Vega - Solitude Standing

Solitude stands in the doorway

And I'm struck once again by her black silhouette

By her long cool stare and her silence

I suddenly remember each time we've met

5. Astrid - Distance

Now that you're far away

I can feel the distance

They say it's only fresh air

But I can feel the distance

And the sun always shines

When you walk my way

Baby, I wonder

Is it sunny with you today?

4. Bruce Springsteen - You Can Look (But You Better Not Touch)

Mess around and you'll end up in dutch, boy

3. Justin Currie - You Will Always Walk Alone

Lying asleep at night under the watching ceiling light

Safe in the fortress of your home

Remember you'll always walk alone

2. The Temptations - I Can't Get Next To You

I

Can turn the grey sky blue

I can make it rain, whenever I want it to, oh I

I can build a castle from a single grain of sand

I can make a ship sail, on dry land tell 'em yeah

But my life is incomplete and I'm so blue

'Cause I can't get next to you

1. The Georgia Satellites - Keep Your Hands To Yourself

Still one of the great unsung rock 'n' roll songs...

No hug-ee, no kiss-ee... glad I'm not dating in lockdown.

If you want to leave a suggestion in the comments box, make sure it's at least two metres from anyone else's.

My Top Ten 'Hate Your Job' Songs

Inevitable, really...


10. The Smiths - Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

There was a time this one would have been Number One, but... y'know...

Still. Has he ever written a truer line?

I was looking for a job 

And then I found a job

And heaven knows I'm miserable now

9. The Police - Dead End Job

Sting has rarely sounded angrier.

Don't wanna be no teacher, I don't wanna be no slave

I don't wanna work no assembly line, like my uncle Dave

The queue gets longer everyday, I just ain't got time to stay

I ain't gonna run away, all I wanna do is play

8. The Walkmen - This Job Is Killing Me

Just like Thom Yorke said...

7. Lou Reed - Don't Talk To Me About Work

I'm not sure Lou Reed ever did a day's work in his life. But it's nice of him to sympathise with the rest of us.

Don't talk to me about work

Please don't talk to me about work

I'm up to my eyeballs in dirt

With work, with work

How many dollars, how many sales

How many liars, how many tales

How many insults must you take in this one life?

I'm in prison most of the day

So please excuse me if I get this way

But I have got obligations to keep

So be very careful when you speak

Don't talk to me about work

6. The Jam - Smithers-Jones

Sitting on the train, you're nearly there

You're a part of the production line

You're the same as him, you're like tin-sardines

Get out of the pack, before they peel you back

And after all that effort, they give him the sack.

This always makes me think Weller must have been listening to Sparks.

5. BJ Barham - American Tobacco Company

Only recently discovered this, but it's been on repeat play.

Now every single morning I walk into this building

I think about my children, and the life they oughta lead

And I try my best

Not to look back

4. The Divine Comedy - Office Politics

This one's about the bastards in charge and how they keep getting away with it.

Intern chokes on his gooseberry fool

Consternation in the typing pool

Press the flesh, do the deal

Book your place on the hamster wheel

See that PowerPoint presentation

Worthy of a BAFTA nomination

Zero hours, maximum pressure

You know what they say about business and pleasure

3.  Johnny Paycheck - Take This Job And Shove It

Who doesn't dream of one day walking into the boss's office and saying these words?

Well, that foreman, he's a regular dog

The line boss, he's a fool

Got a brand new flattop haircut

Lord, he thinks he's cool

One of these days I'm gonna' blow my top

And that sucker, he's gonna' pay

Lord I can't wait to see their faces

When I get the nerve to say

Take this job and shove it

I ain't working here no more!

2. Drive-By Truckers - This Fucking Job

Well, quite.

Workin' this job is a kick in the pants

Workin' this job is like a knife in the back

It ain't gettin' me further than the dump I live in

It ain't gettin' me further than the next paycheck

Workin' this job is like lightin' two fuses

Workin' this job is runnin' out of excuses

It's like a dead-end when a road map is useless

Until I'm dead and there's nothin' to show for my uses

1. Huey Lewis & The News - Workin' For A Livin'

Look, I know you don't agree that this should be Number One, but I need cheering up, OK? And Huey always does the job...

Some days won't end ever and some days pass on by

I'll be working here forever, at least until I die

Damned if you do, damned if you don't

I'm supposed to get a raise week, you know damn well I won't

HARMONICA!



As per the new Top Ten rule, I stopped looking for them once I had ten, so I'm sure there's lots more where these came from. Feel free to throw me your suggestions and I'll happily do a Volume 2. Misery loves company...

Hot 100 #50

That's 50 Cent, Fiddy to his mates, introducing us to the second half of our countdown of songs relating to numbers. Here's what you had for me this week...

Charity Chic kicked us off with the theme tune to Hawaii 5-0, which I wouldn't have considered, but as I did make it Number One in My Top Ten TV Themes (Instrumental) last year, it was a pretty good call.

Next came C, with a track that was definitely in consideration...

PJ Harvey - 50 Ft Queenie

Lynchie suggested a couple of fine lyrical fifties the first of which was this...

Talking Heads - People Like Us

In 1950 when I was born

Papa couldn't afford to buy us much

He said be proud of what you are

There's something special 'bout people like us

I've been listening to a lot of Talking Heads lately, so that went down very well.

Other songs about the year / decade 1950(s) included...

The Police - Born In The 50s

When Sting is finally called to answer for his many, many crimes against songwriting, this is one of those tunes that will spend quite some time in the witness box, particularly these lines...

Oh we hated our Aunt

Then we messed in our pants

Moving on...

Scotty Baker - '50 Buick

...was the only car song I could find this week.

I'm sure there are hundreds more songs that drop a lyrical mention to the decade that spawned rock 'n' roll, but we haven't got time to go fishing for them, so I'll finish with this... which doesn't appear to have much to do with the decade at all, but - as with 99% of all other Wedding Present tunes - is actually about screwed up relationships...

The Wedding Present - 50s

Where was I? Oh yeah: Lynchie's other suggestion... and it's a belter. This would have been a definite winner most weeks.

Battleship Chains - (made famous by) The Georgia Satellites

Warren Zevon covered this song. It rocks! (Actually, that's Warren with Peter Buck & Bill Berry from REM, trading as The Hindu Love Gods.)

 I love the original version by The Woods, cos it's got a ship siren at the start!

You got me tied down with battleship chains

50 foot long and a two ton anchor

Tied down with battleship chains

50 foot long with a two ton anchor

Like C, I didn't know that was a cover. I prefer the Georgia Satellites version though: it really does rock.

Finally, Lynchie asked whether or not 50/50 songs would be allowed. Well... go on then. Here's a few...

John Wesley Harding - Fifty Fifty Split

Cocteau Twins - Fifty Fifty Clown

Suzanne Vega - Fifty Fifty Chance

The Strokes - 50 50

The Del McCoury Band - 50/50 Chance

All the way from Dubai, Jim was back, digging around in his library to find a well-fingered copy of...

...sorry, Jim, I couldn't resist that... or the awful sub-Benny Hill pun that preceded it.

What Jim actually suggested was the far superior...

Edwyn Collins - 50 Shades of Blue

Jim's second suggestion was an entirely new one to me... definitely worth discovering though.

Steve Diggle - 50 Years of Comparative Wealth

Not the only song I found to mention 50 years though. Here are a few of my own...

Biff Bang Pow! - 50 Years of Fun

Guided By Voices - When She Turns 50

The Fall - 50 Year Old Man

(Surprisingly, The Swede didn't suggest that last one though he did suggest another Mark E. Smith tunes, Masquerade, for these cheery lyrics: '...like a fish dish the grim visage altered again and again, the fifty percent interest ran out today, account altered...')

And then there was this... my runner-up this week... a clear winner most other weeks. Aimee Mann's debut album takes some beating...

Aimee Man - 50 Years After The Fair

Roger McGuinn on guitar & backing vocals there, if you're interested.

Meanwhile, a couple more from The Swede...

Bob Dylan - The Tempest

...which he might have suggested because it mentions fifty thousand tonnes of steel... or maybe because it goes on for about 50 minutes.

Otway & Barrett - DK 50/80

To which the only response is...

(I'm obviously very excited to have Alan back on TV.)

Rigid Digit was next up with this little beauty... with Stephen Fry on guest vocals.

Kate Bush - 50 Words For Snow

And also a lyrical 50 which he became rather pedantic about and I had to challenge on the basis of artistic license...

Squeeze - Up The Junction 

"This morning at 4:50, I took her rather nifty..." 

Great song, a soap opera in 3 and a half minutes. But one cannot ignore the chronological error. 

This morning she gave birth to a daughter (at 5:20, pedantic fact fans) 

Within a year she was a walker (OK, this may have been a guess or expectation). 

But then, just 2 lines later, he is already 2 years in the future

Like I said: artistic license. And I thought I was a pedant. Great song though.

We then welcomed a new player, Douglas McLaren, with a very fine suggestion...

The Tragically Hip - Fifty Mission Cap

...and with songs like that, Douglas, you're welcome back here anytime.

However, sometimes I just have to go for the obvious choice... so here it is, a tune I've always had a great fondness for.

King of Pedantry Rigid Digit pointed out that Paul Simon only actually names 5 of the 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover...

Just slip out the back, Jack, make a new plan, Stan

Don't need to be coy, Roy, just listen to me

Hop on the bus, Gus, don't need to discuss much

Just drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free

...and both he and Alyson wondered what the other 45 may be.

To answer that question, I can direct you towards Carol Brown by Flight of the Conchords, in which Jermaine Clement gives you at least another 19, including...

Loretta broke my heart in a letter

She told me she was leaving and her life would be better

Joan broke it off over the phone

After the tone she left me alone

Jen said she'd never ever see me again

When I saw her again, she said it again

Jan met another man

Liza got amnesia, just forgot who I am

Felicity said there was no electricity

Emily, no chemistry

Fran, ran, Bruce turned out to be a man

Flo had to go, I couldn't go with the flow

Carol Brown just took the bus out of town

But I'm hoping that you'll stick around

Mimi will no longer see me

Brittany, Brittany hit me

Paula, Persephone, Stella, and Stephanie

There must be fifty ways that lovers have left me

Mona, you told me you were in a coma

Tiffany, you said that you had an epiphany

(Bruce is my favourite.)

And while I can't name the other 26 off the top of my head, I can also direct you Okkervil River's Plus Ones, a very fine song which reveals #51 (as well as revealing what happens to the 97th tear and the 100th luftballoon, among others)...

51st way to leave your lover

Admittedly, it doesn't seem to be as gentle

Or as clean as all the others

Still. The problem is all inside your head, it seems to me...

49 next week. I have a feeling these posts are about to get longer and longer...

Saturday Snapshots #61 - The Answers

When it comes to Saturday Snapshots... Everything I Do, I Do For You.

Yesterday was pretty much a two-horse race between Charity Chic and Rigid Digit. By my calculations, RD snatched a half point victory. Well done to Chris for starting us off and C for mopping up. You guys definitely played it till your fingers bled...

Here are this week's answers. Please Forgive Me if I made any obvious mistakes.


10. Tiny tots love sweets, short marsupials wager.

A short marsupial would be a 'roo. That was having a bet.

The Rubettes - Sugar Baby Love

9. Frankly rubbish bench-pressing.

Frankly rubbish would go in a Sinatra trash-can.

The Trashcan Sinatras - Weight Lifting

8. Calydonian queen & summer kebab chase Billy Joel's Number One.

Althea was the queen of Calydon in Greek mythology.

Donna Summer. Doner kebab.

Bily Joel's Number One was Uptown Girl.

Number One is the top ranking.

Althea & Donna - Uptown Top Ranking

...and ting.

7. Van Gogh's DNA tells us his favourite Genesis song.

Vincent's genes say, "Mama!" (the Genesis song).

Gene Vincent - Say Mama

6. Spinach for breakfast, broccoli for lunch and cabbage for tea will make you go mental.

Spinach, broccoli & cabbage are all greens, so that would be a Green Day.

If you went mental, you would be a basket case.

Green Day - Basket Case

5. Dame loses id est listening to Kate Bush song twice; needs sweets after that.

The Dame was Bowie, minus ie would be Bow.

Kate Bush sang Wow. Twice would be Wow Wow.

Bow Wow Wow - I Want Candy

4. Timely hedge warden is proven wrong as winter arrives.

A hedge warden is a hayward, apparently. (That's called 'research'.)

Timely would be just in time, of course.

If winter arrived, then Autumn would be over, thus proving wrong the idea that Autumn might last forever.

Justin Hayward - Forever Autumn

3. A glum liar ran off with James Dean Bradfield.

"A glum liar ran" is an anagram.

James Dean Bradfield is a Manic.

Laura Marling - My Manic & I

2. Wogan will help with your puncture, but only in the summer.

Terry would need a jack to fix your puncture.

Terry Jacks - Seasons In The Sun

1. Neil Armstrong brings home the bacon.

With apologies to any officers who may be reading this nonsense.



It's obvious by now that we Can't Stop This Thing We Started, so Saturday Snapshots will be back next week. Heaven!

My Top Ten Stalker Songs (Volume 1)

There should be a question mark in that.
But maybe the fact that there isn't... 
making it more of an imperative than a question...
is actually quite apt.

This is one of those Top Tens I've been wanting to do since I started this blog... the only problem being, there are way too many songs about stalkers and stalking people to only choose ten. Because songwriters are a bunch of creepy, obsessive weirdos. So this is Volume 1... of, quite a few, probably. I have loads more saved up for future volumes, but feel free to make suggestions.


10. The Police - Every Breath You Take

Let's start with the obvious one. Iffypedia says that this one song is "estimated to generate between a quarter and a third of Sting's music publishing income". Stalking pays for the Popo.

9. Death Cab For Cutie - I Will Possess Your Heart

I don't know what's more creepy about this song: the lyrics or the bassline.

There are days when outside your window
I see my reflection as I slowly pass
And I long for this mirrored perspective
When we'll be lovers, lovers at last

8. Eels - Restraining Order Blues

Here's one stalker you almost feel sorry for...

Life goes on

Nothing is new

Judge made it clear

I can't be near you

Everybody knows that I'm not a violent man

Just someone who knows he's in love...

7. Doobie Brothers - What A Fool Believes

This is one of those amiable radio hits that everybody knows... but nobody really knows what it's about. I have to confess, I didn't realise just how creepy it was until recently.

Ladies... So this guy turns up from your past. You remember him, you act friendly towards him. But there was never anything between you. Except... he thinks there was. And there's no point trying to tell him otherwise...

But what a fool believes

He sees

No wise man has the power

To reason away

What seems to be

Is always better than nothing...

Weirdly, there's another story connected to this song which makes those lyrics take on a different meaning entirely. When Michael Jackson claimed to have sung uncredited backing vocals on the track, the song's writers, Michael McDonald and Kenny Loggins, went, "Eh? We don't recall that, Michael..."

6. Badly Drawn Boy - Everybody's Stalking

When self-confessed Springsteen obsessive Damon Gough sings, "strap your hands across my engines" in the opening verse of this stalker song, maybe it's time for Bruce to keep an eye out for a weirdy-beardy in a Benny hat who might be following him home...

5. Lydia Loveless - Steve Earle

Dedicated to a creep who used to stalk Lydia... he looked just like Steve Earle. (Thanks to Charity Chic for bringing this one to my attention.)

4. REO Speedwagon - Keep On Loving You

If you think this is just a harmless, slushy soft rock ballad, then you've obviously never listened to the first verse in detail... or watched the ultra-creepy video in which lead singer Kevin Cronin goes all Norman Bates.... brrr.

You should've seen by the look in my eyes, baby
There was something missing
You should've known by the tone of my voice, maybe...
But you didn't listen
You played dead
But you never bled
Instead you lay still in the grass
All coiled up and hissing...

When he said that he loved you, he meant that he loved you FOREVER.

3. REM - Losing My Religion

Consider this, the hint of the century: Michael Stipe compared REM's breakthrough hit to Every Breath You Take...

That's him in the corner. Coo-eee! I can see you!

2. The Four Tops - Walk Away, Renee

Originally by The Left Banke, yes, but for me, nobody beats Levi and the boys...

Just walk away, Renee
You won't see me follow you back home
Now as the rain beats down upon my weary eyes
For me it cries

Although Billy Bragg's completely different Version (with Johnny Marr on guitar) comes damned close. Luckily, Billy doesn't get arrested for stalking though, even when Renee starts going out with Mr. Potato Head. She cuts her hair and he stops loving her...

1. Soko - I'll Kill Her

Because stalking isn't just something men do. Don't mess with Soko's bloke: she'll keel you.




That's volume one done. There'll be another ten following very soon. You won't know where or when, but they will be coming after you...