Hot 100 #28

Younger Younger 28's were a fine choice to illustrate this week's post. Imagine The Human League Meets Pulp Meets Shampoo. Thanks to Jim in Dubai for recalling them and suggesting their excellent b-side Karaoke Queen (linking to another blog for that one as I couldn't find it on youtube). I was always fond of We're Going Out as well. They should have been massive.

What about the 28 songs though?

Well, Jim's other suggestion was this...

Forever 28 by Stephen Malkmaus & The Jicks

That's what I call Pavement art.

As usual, Martin had a few fine suggestions...

"I'm On E by Blondie has the line:

I used to have a car of my own, 28 or 58.

I've a feeling you may have suggested that 30 posts ago too.

Meanwhile, last week we had Lloyd Cole fretting over getting ready to turn 30. Martin also reminded us of this, which could well pop up again in 5 posts' time...

Lloyd Cole & The Commotions - Grace

Once you were an angel

Jesse, honey, is it hard to take

Does it feel so bad to be 28?

He continues... "Reelin' and Rockin' by Chuck Berry has loads of times in, including...

Well, I looked at my watch, it was 10:28, 

I gotta get my kicks before it gets too late

"And my personal favourite (even if it is atypical), from the pen of Ray Davies, Low Budget by The Kinks, which has this:

Even my trousers are giving me pain,

They were reduced in a sale so I shouldn't complain.

They squeeze me so tight so I can't take no more,

They're size 28 but I take 34."

Do you know what? I'm not sure I've ever heard that before. And if you hadn't told me it was the Kinks, I might have thought it was AC/DC. It's great though!

The Swede found slim pickings in his own record collection this week. His only offering was a bit of a surprise too...

"'Never Be the Same Again' by Puressence features the lines '...you're feeling lots of pain again, December 28 again, your famous boxing day again...' December 28th? Boxing Day? What's that all about? Great song though."

Puressence!?! Blimey. It's been a while.

My immediate reaction to this was...

And then, along came Lynchie...

Bob Dylan - I Shall Be Free No. 10

I was shadow-boxing earlier in the day

I figured I was ready for Cassius Clay

I said "Fee, fie, fo, fum, Cassius Clay, here I come

26, 27, 28, 29, I'm gonna make your face look just like mine"

Talkin' blues. I love talkin' blues.

Now before we go any further, here's a really uncool suggestion from my own hard-drive...

Styx - A.D. 1928

I put that there just so nobody would think twice about Rigid Digit's first offering this week...

Mötley Crüe - Bad Boy Boogie

We're innocent in every way

Like apple pie and Chevrolet

Sweeter pies with different shapes

38-28-38

"Other than that," he adds, "I need to invoke the "50 Words For Snow" card again...

28: Robbers Veil

Yes, you can always rely on Kate Bush for redemption.

Meanwhile, Alyson was in an existential mood this week...

"Alicia Keys has a song called 28 Thousand Days which is apparently the average lifespan so we should pack as much in as we can. Scarily I've had nearly 22,000 days already so I'd better get a wiggle on."

Don't worry, Alyson, you don't look a day over 21,999.

Finally, here's C...

"'22 Grand Job' by the Rakes, love that song and it's pure energy, and before it comes up again in 6 weeks' time for obvious reasons it could get a little preview here for the line

But he's only 28, no more 22

Shorter post than usual this week because Douglas was on holiday. Let's scrape the bottom of my barrel before we get onto the serious contenders...

The Divine Comedy - The 28th of May

Little Jackie - 28 Butts

The Boomtown Rats - Nothing Happened Today

Tomorrow's Wednesday

Today was Tuesday

And this is the date

March 28th

Art Brut - DC Comics & Chocolate Milkshake

DC comics and chocolate milkshake

Some things will always be great

DC comics and chocolate milkshake

Even though I'm 28

DC comics and chocolate milkshake

I guess I'm just developing late

DC comics and chocolate milkshake

I never got over that amazing taste

Nice try, Eddie, but I was always a Marvel boy myself.

The Velvet Underground - Velvet Nursery Rhyme

Which is really just a live "meet the band" thing from the Velvets 1993 reunion - 28 years later.

OK. This week's runner-up then.

The Gaslight Anthem - Meet Me By The River's Edge

See, I've been here for 28 years

Poundin' sweat beneath these wheels

We tattooed lines beneath our skin

No surrender, my Bobby Jean

The one where they wear their Bruce influence on their sleeves. I felt sure that would be the winner...

Until C came up with this one. Genius! Well done, C.

I'm in love with modern moonlight, 

1.28 when it's dark outside

27? I think I know what Martin will choose. What about the rest of you?

My Top Ten Karaoke Songs

I've never done karaoke. Not because of any muso-snobbery on my part, merely because I guess I hang out with people who wouldn't be seen dead in a karaoke contest. The frustrated pop star in me regrets this quite a lot. Maybe I ought to start a sad, middle-aged bucket-list and put karaoke at the top of the list, rather than sky diving or bungee jumping.


Anyway, here's ten songs about singing someone else's songs badly over a tinny backing track...


10. Maxïmo Park - Karaoke Plays

Someone gets run down
Karaoke plays somewhere in the background,
But there is no explanation
What makes a grown man cry?
Karaoke plays and someone gets run down

That's probably pretty deep if you think about it.

9. Tom McRae - Karaoke Soul

This guy was on the verge of making it big back in the early 00s. Not sure why he didn't.

8. Kate Nash - Karaoke Kiss

I got a renewed respect for Kate Nash following her performance in the Netflix show GLOW, so I was pleased to see she had a new record out. This is a pretty fine cut from that...

7. The Haywains - Kill Karaoke

I owe Brian a big thank you for introducing me to this lot.

6. Catatonia - Karaoke Queen

Whenever I listen to old Catatonia songs, I lament the fact that Cerys packed in the day job.

5. Jimmy Buffett & Toby Keith - Too Drunk To Karaoke

The very definition of a marmite song, depending entirely on whether you consider Jimmy Buffett a loveable old doofus... or just a doofus.

4. Bennet - Karaoke / Younger Younger 28's - Karaoke Queen / Speedy - Karaoke King

Three long-forgotten Britpop and post-Britpop bands for the price of one: all of them far more interesting than Oasis. Particularly Younger Younger 28's - why weren't they massive? All worth a listen if you dig that era.

3. Ben Folds - Hiro's Song

I wanna explode in

A karaoke supernova...

...so much more interesting than a champagne one.

2. Elbow - Grounds For Divorce

Any excuse to play this, Elbow's rockiest moment... with a Costello-esque venom to the lyrics.

There's this whispering of jokers doing flesh by the pound

To a chorus of supposes from the little town whores

There'll be twisted karaoke at the Aniseed Lounge

And I'll bring you further roses

But it does you no good

And it does me no good

And it does you no good

1. Blur - The Universal

Gonna have to give the crown to Blur, for probably their finest hour after Song 2 (and certainly their most optimistic)... even though they disgraced themselves somewhat by letting it be used in a British Gas ad campaign. Surely you didn't need the money that much, Damon?

Every night we're gone

And to karaoke songs

How we like to sing a long

Although the words are wrong

 

It really, really, really could happen

Yes, it really, really, really could happen

When the days they seem to fall through you, well just let them go

Never really thought the Clockwork Orange video did the song justice, but here it is anyway...



Ever done karaoke? What did you sing?

My Top Ten Going Out Songs

"Do you want to go out with me?"

A question I never actually plucked up the courage to ask...

Special mention to This Charming Man, who would go out tonight but he hasn't got a stitch to wear.



10. Francis & The Lights - Going Out

According to Iffypedia, "Francis and the Lights is the stage name of American songwriter Francis Farewell Starlite."

So, let me get this straight... his real name is stagier than his stage name?

9. The Human League - The Stars Are Going Out

One of Louise's friends lives across the road from Phil Oakey. Fact!

8. Little Anthony & The Imperials - Going Out Of My Head

No. Indeed. They do not make them like this anymore.

7. Tom Waits - Goin' Out West

Well my friends think I'm ugly
I got a masculine face

Count yourself lucky, Tom. People say I look like a girl. A pretty ugly girl. 

6. Kirsty MacColl - (I'm Going Out With An) 80 Year Old Millionaire

He won't last much longer if he keeps drinking gin
I filled up the bottle that's marked medicine
He says that he'll leave all his empire to me
And sitting on top is the best place to be
So don't get impatient now boys you must wait
We'll all have such fun when I own the estate
Britt's got her toy boys but I don't care
'Cos I'm going out with an 80 year old millionaire

Ah, Kirsty, how we miss you.

5. Spearmint - We're Going Out

Shirley Lee: Godlike Genius. 

I know nothing seems to excite you anymore
I know it feels like you've got nothing to look forward to
But it's OK - everybody feels like that somethimes
It's just a phase we're going through, that's all

Put your coat on - we're going out!

4. Supergrass - Going Out

Any father's worst nightmare. Your daughter's going out on her first date, there's a knock at the door, and who should be standing there but one of the scruffy, long-haired muppets from Supergrass looking like they haven't had a bath since before the last Olympics. I'm glad we're having a boy...

3. Younger Younger 28s - We're Going Out

Lipstick, cigarette, packet of three... we're going out.

YY28s: should have been massive.

2. Cypress Hill - Ain't Goin' Out Like That

I suspect the definition of "going out" in this song has little to do with dinner and a movie.

Wins many extra points, however, for the line...

Outlaw, I'll kick ya like Billy Ray... Cypress... Hill

1. Joe Jackson - Is She Really Going Out With Him?

Can we all be upstanding for one of the greatest opening lyrics in the history of pop...?

Pretty women out walking with gorillas down my street...

Which one would you go out with?