For my Mom

My Mom passed away on the 1st of August - not entirely surprising due to her poor health, but still not what we expected.  She was recovering in a rehab center in Arizona after open heart surgery, and while her recovery was slow, we were all fully expecting her to be released.  On the night prior, she fell and the fall itself caused complications. 

1975ish - the year I was born.

I think it's been hard for all of us (my three sisters) to adjust to this strange new reality where my Mom just isn't.  I listened to a message she had left me the day before, and while memory issues and general weakness were apparent, her voice sounded strong.  We were making plans for her to come live with us in Washington, as her health issues had gotten to the point she couldn't live alone anymore. 

I can never complain about my childhood.  My Mom was a tough lady - being German, living through World War II, and carrying her heritage proudly wrapped around her.  She became an American citizen in 1967 and loved her new country more than anything.  It was a defining moment for her.

The day Mom became an American.

Mom and Dad loved each other tremendously and stuck it out through many hard times. 

Note from my Dad to my Mom.  He was in the Army for over 26 years.

Even in the lean times, we had a home and love.  ...and in the not so lean times, we had animals.  I think Mom and Dad were miffed about my animal-loving ways, but never said no when I asked.  I even remember my Dad calling me one time and asking if I had had an orange cat yet, and when I said no, he told me to ask my mother if we could have another cat.  We had all kind of animals growing up - birds, chickens, ducks, rabbits, rodents, goats, sheep, dogs (Great Danes and Golden's) and of course all manner of horses.  Mom loved them all. As Mom got a little more frail, her dogs got a little smaller - Rosie was the last pup she had, rescued from the pound. 

Rosie

One of the toughest things to face for me, and I think I just need to fixate on something, is the loss of Mom's phone number.  My sister is handling Mom's affair, as she is still local, and we've decided to give Mom's number one more month before having it disconnected, just to capture any calls that might need handling.  ....but, this has been the number I've used to call home for over 25 years.  It has been the lifeline for so many things - when I wasn't feeling well in school and needed Mom, when I passed a college final, when the vet called to tell me that our beloved Golden Daisy passed away during surgery, when I needed reassurance during my first job, when my car broke down and I desperately needed my Dad to rescue me, the number Aaron called when we first started dating and I didn't have a cell phone, and the number I called to tell Mom Aaron and I eloped...  Even now, when I wanted to tell her about our new adventures in Washington, it was hidden beneath the familiar name "Mom" on my iPhone, but it was still there.  It was the number  I could reach out to share the highs and low of life and the security of knowing Mom was just a phone call away will be gone.

Mom and Sam.

Thanks to loving neighbors who helped to keep an eye on my Mom, and who were quick to jump the fence or give me a call, Mom was able to stay in the house my Dad bought for her 31 years ago, which was what she wanted more than anything.  After Aaron and I married, instead of finding horse property of our own, we kept my horses on her property and I made daily visits out there to feed and check on her.  Of course, I always brought a pup along, and Mom enjoyed seeing our Golden's as much as having company.

Mom and Harlow

When Daddy passed away 13 years ago, Mom sort of quit living.  She was lost with my Dad, and she was waiting to join him again.  My only hope is that they've found each other and Mom is finally at peace.

I love you, Mom.

Margarete Maria Sturm
June 19, 1942 - August 1, 2016

Sad Update

Anabel Rose passed away quietly in my arms earlier today. Aaron and I were both there, holding her and letting her know that she was loved. She was 7 days, 12 hours old.

Nearly Wordless Wednesday - A Tribute To Sam

It took a while, but I finally put together something for my boy.  Some of you have already seen this on FB - thank you for your kind comments.

Editors note:  My husband kindly pointed out I had a typo...  Sam was born in October 2002.  Thank you.

If you have trouble viewing it above, click here to watch it on YouTube.

Dear Sam

Dear Sam,

I can't believe three days have passed since you left us.  Time has stopped for me, frozen to that single second I looked into your eyes and watched you take your last breath.  In that second I saw our life together, every beautiful minute that we were together.  I remembered you as a puppy, the day my Dad and I picked you up.  It was family tradition, my Dad and I picked out all the dogs we had. You were a Christmas gift from my parents.  You were from a large litter, 13 puppies if I remember right.  I'd pick up each puppy and lay them on their back, and play with them on the ground, just to see what personality each one had.  I picked you up and looked in your eyes and I saw the world. 

I knew right then you were mine.  I handed you to my Dad and you turned into ninja puppy.  I still remember Daddy holding you at arms length, trying to avoid being kicked, and asking me "Are you sure you want this one?"  I was never more sure of anything in my life.  I tried the puppy tests on you - I couldn't turn you over and you had no interest in interacting with the other puppies.  Less then a year later I lost my Dad - you were the last puppy he and I ever chose together.  Having you with me got me through that time.

You were so sure of yourself as a puppy, and so independent.  You were housebroken on the first try, but you failed obedience 3 times, dear Sam.  You were so unruly that the instructor asked us to never come back.  After that I never asked you to be obedient, I just asked you to be my friend, and you were so happy to comply.  Everything we did was just because it made us happy to be with each other.  You learned to pick things up and bring them to me - my wallet, other peoples wallets, and once a rabbit you caught in the yard.  I still remember the puzzled look in your eyes when you set him down at my feet and he took off.  You passed your CGC test without trying, with you as a senior we started agility, and then finally, you became a therapy dog.  All without knowing how to behave, and doing all just because you loved to make me happy.

Somewhere early on you decided that I truly was your person, and you and I were never far apart.  Nobody could take your leash and walk away with you - your job was to watch over me and you took it seriously.  You worried even when I went into another room.  You were my constant shadow.  At night you would wait for me in the hallway and walk with me to bed.  You'd be waiting for me when I got out of the shower.  During the day, I knew I could always see you in the camera, laying by the front door, waiting for me.

 I tried to make a list of all the major things you got me through.  You've been there for so many changes in my life:  losing my Dad, then my job shortly after, starting a new job, meeting and marrying Aaron, losing darling Cisco...  the list goes on.  The worst part?  I need you now Sam - I'm hurting so bad and this one time you aren't here.  I know you wouldn't have left if you had a choice - you never ever left me.

Sometimes you had bad days too.  You were a cancer survivor in your younger years.  All the medicine you took caused you to have a sensitive stomach.  You always felt better when Aaron and I were with you.  Do you remember the one time we busted you out of the vet's office?  You weren't getting any better and we knew you'd be fine once you got home.  We told them we'd drive you to the specialist for your catscan, we just never told them we wouldn't be bringing you back.

Everybody who ever met you commented on what a special boy you were.  You thought you were human most days.  You wanted very little to do with dogs, but were very happy sitting with us and watching other pups play.  You had a way of making people feel special, you'd lean against them and smile and they couldn't help but smile back.  It was hard to miss how different you were - you didn't like to sit on prickly grass, you'd sit on my shoe instead.  Or, if I was sitting on the grass, you'd sit in my lap.

I still smile when I remember the first time you saw yourself in a mirror.  You could not believe how good looking you were.  You would have stayed there all day looking at yourself.  That was also one of the two times I got to bring you into the office.  You were always so hopeful I could bring you back. 

Oh Sam, I wish I could write about everything that made you so special.  I'd write about how you hated baths and pools but loved lakes and rivers.  You were always ready for an adventure, but put up with me wanting to dress you.  You took photos so seriously and if I asked you to put something on, you did without any fuss.  You were a champion hat wearer, could sport a fine mustache, and nobody will ever wear the bee leg warmers like you did.

I'd write about how you always sat near me to comfort me when my head hurt or I had a bad day.  You seemed to always know that having you close was the best medicine of all.

I'd write about how you were a fine big brother for Monty, who misses you terribly.  He always took lead from you, now he isn't sure if he should bark at the garbage truck or not, or go outside or stay inside.  He is stressed without you.  I think he thinks we left you somewhere.

Harlow is confused too.  She knows I'm sad and is trying hard to cheer me up.  She doesn't understand why Monty isn't interested in playing right now.

I hope you can hear me, Sammish.  I still talk to you like I always did.  I'm glad we have all the memories of you and how wonderful you were.  Aaron and I will keep the blog going for you, and continue to tell the stories of Harlow and Monty, and share memories of you. 

Sam, above all, please know I love you, and will never stop loving you. 

Updates

Hi everyone.  First of all, I need to apologize for being so hit-and-miss with blogging lately.  I am still reading everyone's blogs, but due to Sam's illness, I feel like my comments are coming out as snarky or depressing.  I'm trying very hard not to do that to our friends, so I am just staying quiet for now.

Sam is fading from us.  I think we are looking at weeks, maybe days, instead of months.  How I hope I'm wrong.  Sam remains cheerful, quick to wag his tail and expect his treat, even though his body is slowly failing him. 

Can I have a slice of pizza, Dad?

 Monty and Harlow are fully aware something is wrong with their big brother.  They both spend time with Sam, laying near him or hovering. 

Sam and Monty - brothers forever!

...and yes, Sam has a produce sticker on his head in the above picture...

Keeping her big brother company...

Harlow seems to know when I need to smile, and pops up in the most unexpected places.

...any chance I could have a treat while I'm here?

We have more news to share, including AZGRC's calendar - featuring our boy Monty as Mr October, our prize from winning a contest held by Jack and the Tall Guy, and a lot of photos of Monty and Harlow playing together.  I promise we will be better at updating the blog.

Goodbye, sweet Nicholas

Many of you will remember that back in December, AZGRC rescued an amazing dog they named Nicholas.  Nicholas had a growth on his face and required extensive surgery to remove it.  If you would like to read the original posts (GRAPHIC), please click here.  Despite all that he had been through, Nicholas bounced back with all the grace of a Golden.

We all knew right from the start that Nicholas was indeed special.

 We had hoped to add him as a member of our family, but fate had other plans.  Nicholas remained in the loving arms of his foster people, Kara and Bob.

I enjoyed meeting him at his coming out party.  Nick was very stoic that day, accepting that he was indeed king of Nick Nation.  I know quite a few of you made donations for his care - Nick would not have been able to experience all the joy life can bring without your help.  Thank you so much.

Nick and I

Nicholas crossed to the bridge this morning surrounded by the folks who loved him best.  Rest in peace, sweet Nicholas. 

AZGRC's Amazing Nicholas

Sad News

This past Monday we finally got a diagnosis for Sam's problems.  Sam has a brain tumor.  

Sammish

According to the vet, chances for him to survive surgery are slim.   At best, she thinks we have another 3-4 months with him. 

Waiting for news...

It's been a roller coaster of emotions for us these past few months.  I think deep down in our hearts, Aaron and I knew it was more than just a tendonitis issue.

Cruising the neighborhood

We shared the news briefly on Facebook, so some of you already know.  This past week has been hard on us, but we want Sam to have the best time possible, for however long he has left.  We are hoping for more time than what the vet thinks.

Happy boy

Sam loves people, so we are going to try to take him to see as many people as possible.  We are limited by the heat, but we are going to do our best for our boy.

Best friends forever...

We want to thank everyone for their words of support and love.  It has meant so much to us that Sam is loved by so many folks.

Sam is not doing well

Our Sam isn't doing well.  He had been slipping on the tiles but we thought at first it was just that, he was slipping on the tiles.  Then it turned to stumbling.  We brought him to the vet, but she is puzzled by his symptoms.

I is not feeling well.

 He has an odd head tilt and almost a paddling gait.  Almost as if he is swatting with his front paws.  It's more noticeable on the left, but it is both paws that are affected.

Everything is so slippery.

Our vet thinks he either has a pinched nerve or, even worse, a tumor growing in his brain.  As you can imagine, this has been a bad week for us.

Is very tired.

Sam knows something is wrong, although he keeps trying to be Sam.  He wants to play and eat and get treats.  It's breaking our heart to see him stumbling when he moves around.  The vet gave us some medicine to try, although it seems that he has gotten slightly worse this week.

He still can be an imp...

Must tear this paper up...

We are holding out that it might be vestibular disease, which a friend of ours mentioned on Facebook.  I think we could really use some POTP, and any lucky rabbits feet you might have lying around.

Mom and Dad love me.

In which Sam gets fired...

One of my favorite things to do is bringing Sam into work when the office is quiet.  

The floor mats are  very cool to Sam - he likes snoozing on them.

These pictures are from  before Christmas - Sam is a good office dog.  He's quiet, doesn't mind sleeping all day, and is happy to spend some time with his Mom.

Changing mats...

However, right before Christmas, another dog was brought to the office that didn't have Sam's manners, especially in the potty department.  Due to this, all dogs have been banned from the office.  I haven't told my boy yet - I think he will be crushed!

Poor guy is going to be so disappointed!

Poor Sam is Sick

Poor Sam has been sick all this afternoon. He hasn't been interested in food, which is pretty alarming with him. We've been taking him out quite a bit to avoid accidents, and have just tried to comfort him.

Monty has also taken an interest in Sam's welfare. He's been very gentle with Sam, and has even kept him company on occassion.


We are hoping Sam will feel better in the morning - we've had these episodes before. Sam has a very fragile digestive system, and it doesn't take much to upset him.

A New Star - Luke

If you have time, please stop by and give your love to Luke's Mom and brother Bleu, either on Facebook or their blog. Luke has passed away, and is romping in the fields beyond the Rainbow Bridge. He has surely become a most beloved and brightest star in the skies.

Mom is crying like Luke was one of her own, and in a way he was. All of our dog friends become special and touch our hearts. Please, in honor of Luke, give your own pup, or kitty, a hug.

Mom would also ask that if you can, make a donation in Luke's name to your closest rescue or shelter. Luke was one of the lucky ones. Let us honor Luke and help others become lucky ones too. Tucker, Leo and Daisy reminded Mom that Luke supported the Golden Retriever Rescue of Houston. A donation there would help support a rescue that was dear to Luke's heart.