A Strange Thing That Happened On This Blog

In the past, most of the posts on this blog have got between 50-100 views. I don't write this blog as anything other than a record of what I've been doing and, while I appreciate the comments that I get, I've never really planned or wanted for it to "get big" at all.

On 19 August, I posted a post about painting an old ork weirdboy miniature. That post suddenly got a (for me) huge amount of views: about 500. The next five posts got between 600 and 1300 views. 

On 1 October, I posted a post about painting plastic dinosaurs. This post got 16 views. 

So what happened? Why did this blog suddenly get so many views, and why did they suddenly stop?

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My suspicion is that they weren't from real people. I think that, for some reason, the post on the 19th triggered something that attracted a load of bots. (It didn't trigger a lot of extra comments, which feels suspicious.)

I might repost the 19 August post, to see if it triggers more views again. If I do, I haven't gone crazy: I'm just trying to work out what occurred. After that, I'll probably delete the test post (and maybe this one).

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Strange. If you've any idea what happened, do let me know!

£6 Plastic Dinosaur Paint Set Challenge!

 A few weeks ago, I went to Tring Museum of Natural History with my friend Ruth. This inevitably involved a look around the gift shop. Later, Ruth presented me with this item:

Yes, it's a paint set, complete with brushes and two plastic model dinosaurs! And all that for £6! 

I thought it would be a fun challenge to try to paint the dinosaurs, using only the paints provided (and a white undercoat). The brushes were so awful that they were hardly worthy of the name, so I threw them out and used my own. I stuck the dinosaurs to two bits of plastic and got to work.

The models were surprisingly detailed (and reasonably accurate, as far as I can tell). Given the undercoat and the quality of the paints, I used washes for the main body of the models. Some of the paints were better than others: the blue and green were pretty decent, all things considered, although the yellow was terrible and I might as well have tried to paint the miniatures with an egg yolk.

I had to mix brown for the horns and claws, which was a new experience. I found it easy to make some sort of brown (a mixture of yellow, red and blue) but making it more leathery was really hard. 

Anyhow, here are the results:

Tyrannosaurus:

Triceratops:

And of course here they are locked in mortal combat and ready to be banged against each other! To quote Firefly, "Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!"

Not too shabby, all things considered! This was a fun break from the usual models and just goes to show that anything is a canvas if you're brave enough and get away before the police arrive.

Necromunda Beetle Knight

 Hello again! This post was supposed to be about more House Escher gangers, but I didn't paint them in time. Then I thought that it could be a tongue-in-cheek post about painting some iffy plastic dinosaurs from a museum, but those aren't quite ready either. So, this is about a space knight riding a giant beetle with a bionic arm across a wasteland.

There are a few conversions that I've had planned for ages and never got around to doing. One of these is to turn a Nurgle plague drone fly into a riding beast. For some reason, the idea of weird people riding strange monsters really appeals to me. 

I assembled the drone much as normal, although I swapped the front and middle legs around to make it more of a quadruped. I used DAS clay and green stuff to fill in the rotting bits and the wing-holes, and gave it a head from a tyranid bit turned upside down. The head makes for nice faceted eyes.

The rider was more complex. He's got legs from an Eldar guardian, an upper body from a very battered Bretonnian knight that I've had for years, and a lance arm from a dark elf. The front of the head comes from a chaos cultist and the helmet is a bit left over from some weird Age of Sigmar bone monster. I think his backpack, with carries water, is originally a dwarf bit. Quite a lot of green stuff was involved. The bits and bobs stuck to the beetle come from all sorts of  places. 

Halfway through construction, I dropped the model on the floor. I decided to replace the beetle's left small arm with a mechanical arm that I'd built out of junk a while back and never really found a purpose for. 

There's nothing especially complex about the painting, It was difficult to make the rider look interesting, in that he felt a little drab compared to his beetle. I decided to give his armour a verdigris look: perhaps, in the wasteland, that sort of discolouration is seen as impressive. I'm not entirely sure about the stripes on the beetle - I like the concept, but I don't think they work all that well in practice. I'm not sure how I could improve them without an airbrush, though.

Overall, I really like him. I think he's got a weird charm: as much inspired by Moebius as anything in Warhammer. I could see him riding about on the dunes, prodding enemies with his lance. 

Alice in Warhammerland

 I've always liked the Alice books. They're extremely strange, and have a weird combination of logic and anarchy that's very appealing. Also, they're fantasy stories that aren't derived from Tolkien, which is actually quite rare. They're both sinister and comical at once, which of course makes them ideal for adaptation to Warhammer 40,000.

Well, to be honest, it doesn't. Modern 40k consists largely of identical bald men shouting "Heresy!" at once another, which isn't ideal for a surreal Victorian children's story about a little girl with yellow hair. But what the heck.

I did these conversions a long time ago, but I took the opportunity to repaint them where needed. In the case of Alice, I entirely stripped and dismantled the original model. This involved resculpting quite a lot of green stuff and making her a new base. It was a right pain, to be honest, but the end result is definitely an improvement on the original. How much of an improvement, I'm not totally sure. 

So, Alice is basically the upper body of a sister of battle and the bottom half of an Eldar warlock, with lots of extra bits stuck on. I've no idea where her pointy little feet came from. I think her hammer is from a Mordheim sprue.

The Hatter is based on a Mordheim plastic soldier, with a lot of green stuff. His gun is probably from a plastic terminator. 

The Cheshire Cat is from Neferata, an old vampire model. He's got some sculpting around the mouth, and is standing on a bit of wood elf dryad to make a tree.

Getting a half-decent picture of these models was very difficult, which is really irritating but feels appropriate somehow. Here they are - normal people going about their lives.

The Minions of Mark: Dark Age miniatures

 Over the years I've accumulated a lot of random miniatures. Among these models was a blister pack of strange little guys that my local games shop was selling for £5 in a bargain bin. 

They're actually from a game called Dark Age, which I think is now defunct. It was a skirmish wargame based on the pictures of an artist called Bron, and seemed to be about small warbands abandoned on a desert planet. The guys I bought, if I remember rightly, were the followers of someone called Saint Mark.

What they look like, to me, is a cross between the War Boys from Mad Max and the Cenobites from Hellraiser. I put them in a drawer for a long time, and was rather intimidated by the prospect of painting them, especially because they would need a largely monochrome paint scheme, which made me nervous. I don't really enjoy painting black, because the highlights often come out as chalky or too stark. 

Well, I finally dragged these guys out, painted one as a test, found that it worked, and got going on the other four. They're strange designs but really well sculpted, with loads of detail. They seem to be holding guns that fire circular saw blades, as well as truncheon-type weapons that might be electrified. I doubt that they're the good guys of the setting.

Making the skin different to the clothing was quite hard. The clothing is highlighted from black to light grey, by adding more grey and white. The skin started off as light grey, was given a very thin wash of purple, and was then highlighted by adding first bone and then pink to the mix. The skin was eventually given a thin glaze of pink to suggest that it is alive. I'm not sure how well this comes out in the photos.

Here they are.

Weird, aren't they?

Converting Old Mantic Models: little space soldiers, a demon mercenary and The Thing

I had a bit of free time over the weekend. Here in the UK, it was unpleasantly hot, and I spent as much time as possible indoors. I opened the big box of random sprues, and found a bunch of old Mantic miniatures.

Mantic have made some decent stuff - their skeletons are particularly good, and used to be dirt cheap - but they have produced some... less fantastic miniatures. Their plastic goblins are pretty awful: they've got very little detail, they're made from some horrible plastic-resin material, and it's generally quite hard to tell what the heck is going on with them. However...

I've long been of the view that the most important bits of a miniature (unless it's some insanely complex GW sculpt with books, banners and the like) are the head and the weapon (or at least the hands). What this means is that by attaching a good head and arms to a ropey body you can distract from the bad parts enough to end up with something acceptable. In this spirit, I waded into the goblins.

I threw the original heads and arms away. Instead, I used Perry Miniatures Afghan arms, and the WW1 style heads from the Wargames Atlantic "Bulldogs" sprue. A little bit of cutting was required to get the heads to go on properly, but nothing elaborate. The only problem with the guns was that it wouldn't be possible to arrange them so that the models were taking aim. No great issue there, as you get loads of guns on the Afghan sprue.

I really, really like the positions of some of these models. That's largely down to the excellent Afghan arms, which allow for a lot of interesting options.

I painted the bodies brown, and highlighted with successive drybrushes. I didn't bother to pick out any details, as it's not worth the bother. The heads were painted bright green: partly to fit in with another batch of goblin conversions I did a while ago, and partly to get away from the idea that these were short WW1 Tommies. The hands and exposed flesh of these little chaps was painted blue.

The end result is quite decent, I think. The goblin bodies are always going to be a bit rubbish, but the new arms and heads really improve the models.

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The second part of today's post continues the "random Mantic models" theme. Again, I've got no idea how I ended up with these miniatures. 

First up is a plastic orc, who was thankfully made out of a much nicer and more normal material than the goblins. He's a neater, crisper sculpt, but still nothing special. I gave him a horned head from the Frostgrave demons sprue. His arms and gun come from a Mantic "plague" warrior, who has a lot of spikes on his arms and shoulders, which went well with the head. I painted the whole thing red: he reminds me of the trolls from the Shadowrun game. I imagine him as some kind of thuggish mercenary.

The final creature is the most interesting, I think. This was made from the body of the plague soldier who provided the red chap with his arms. The body has a stretched, twisted quality, and looked as if it was about to turn into something else. All of this made me think of The Thing, and so I got some bits together and turned him into a warping, shape-changing monstrosity.

I liked the idea that his head wasn't needed anymore, and would just flop to the side while horns and tentacles burst from his body. Having the big tentacle and the spikes all pointing the same way gives the model a sense of movement. I sculpted an eye to replace his head and act as a focal point.

The model was painted in flesh tones, with a lot of washes to vary the colours. I undercoated in black and then painted a variety of odd colours to sit under the flesh: bright red, camo green and blue. Hopefully this makes the flesh more unwholesome and variable. The head was deliberately left rather lacking in detail: it's no longer important to this creature, after all.

I left the clothes in drab shades and painted the eye with a bright blue pupil, to draw attention. I've got to say, I'm really pleased with how it turned out.

Horrid, really.

Scratch-Built Moon Truck

 

Once again, I've been trying to use up some of the many bits that I've accumulated for excellent projects that never quite came to fruition. 

A little while ago I made an ork battlewagon, which looks like this:

In doing so, I bought a resin battlewagon from Ebay, which I'd intended to use as the basis for the battlewagon itself. I ended up only using the wheels for my version, which left me with a load of resin bits including a body that looked like a massive lump of white chocolate.

Also in the bits box were two, er, side pieces from a Ramshackle Games APC-type vehicle. I have no idea why I own these, especially since I had three of them. Maybe I over-ordered many years ago? I also had no wheels to go with them. Genius. However, I discovered that the side bits fitted the white-chocolate resin bit really well. 

I boxed in the rear of the vehicle with plasticard and then got to work covering it in greebles - that is, bits of interesting, superfluous detail. Many GW human vehicles have plates on them, which sometimes have little gaps between them. I tried to simulate this with different shapes and thicknesses of plasticard. 

The underside shows how the large random lumps of resin went together.

Further greebling occurred.

The bits came from all sorts of places: some Warlord Games turrets from an armoured car; two ventilation units made by TT Combat; a Mantic gun - anything that looked interesting and vaguely industrial, really. My favourite bit is a toolbox from a Gaslands sprue. I considered buying some resin wheels, but I'm cheap, so I got some Lego ones off ebay. And they worked surprisingly well!

The thing I ended up with looked like a cross between a military truck and a moon rover. It clearly needed an industrial paint job. I went with a light grey, because you can do a lot of weathering on that. For the first time, I used an oil wash to simulate dirt and grime: I used burnt umber from Windsor and Newton, watered down with white spirit. To be honest, while this was a bit better than just painting the dirt on, I didn't think that it was amazing.

Headlights, an abandoned toolbox and some kind of tube added a bit of colour to the model. Overall, I think it might be a bit over-weathered, and you can see that the tyres say "Lego" if you look closely, but I think it's come out pretty well given how it started. A weekend well spent!

Bionic Ogryn

 Time for another space weirdo, except this one is a bit bigger. I had an old fantasy battle ogre bull lying around, painted thickly by someone else a long time ago. I'm not a big fan of the plastic ogres: I think they're fairly ugly models (and not in the right way), and they're quite boring, static miniatures. Not terribly inspiring.

So I chopped this guy up and turned him into a bionic 40k monster. He got a new leg, made out of an ork piston, plasticard, sprue and the dome from a Tau helmet. His left shoulder was a spare dreadnought claw, and the thing on his back is a faceplate left over from the knight armiger I made a little while ago. The pistol is a meltagun from the armiger, too. A bit of tank track functions as stomach armour. Lots of other little leftover bits add detail (ie I can't remember what they are).

The left arm came from an old sentinel. I think he's some kind of bodyguard or hired gun. I quite like models of this size: they can be modified quite easily, and will take a lot of extra detail. I painted him in the new way I've been painting metal, working up from dark brown, and used purple and red glazes on his skin to make him look unhealthy.

I reckon he explodes if you shoot the red button on his back. Perhaps I've been playing too many computer games. Next time, something a bit prettier.

New year, new weird creature!

 And so we reach the start of another year. Here is the best miniature that I did in 2024:

In 2024, I did some of my favourite conversions and miniatures. I feel that I got steadily better and was able to put out things that I'd not really expected. I made more classic Eldar (including finishing the harlequins, which I'm pleased about), and had a lot of fun converting various weirdos for Stargrave and Silver Bayonet. I did two Mordheim gangs, which were fun projects. And yet...

I'm getting a bit tired. I am a member of the miniature-making and Oldhammer communities, I suppose, because I miniatures and some of them are old. But I don't feel part of any community, really. At times it feels as if I make another model, enjoy the process of doing so, and then put it away for good. It seems as though I'm just chucking stuff out there onto this blog and onto Instagram and then... that's it, really.

To be clear, I'm not holding myself out as either a great artist or someone who needs/wants/deserves any sort of "clout" in this hobby. I'm an acceptable painter and converter. But I'm starting to get the same feeling from this as I got from self-publishing three fantasy novels: nothing really changes. Blogs and communities don't organically grow anymore (if they ever did). A post that would have got one response two years ago still gets one response. Everything feels rather static.

The obvious answer is "join a gaming club, play some games", but I'm not sure about that. I've met enough powergamers and Space Marine fanboys to be put off playing against people I don't really know. There comes a point where the comedy genius of saying "Heresy!" all the time fades.

So I don't know what I'll do over the next year. I'd like to keep on making things, but I'd like to do something more. Whether that involves playing any games, I don't know. Perhaps I'll try to do some other form of art. We shall see.

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Anyhow, here's my first model of 2025. I found a load of bits that, with some clay and green stuff, fitted together (sort of!). The body and legs come from a Warmachine Cryx model, the head is a GW plastic squig, the knight is a Perry Miniatures medieval knight, and the tail is just green stuff. Together, they made a weird stumpy animal somewhere between a chicken and a deep-sea fish. 

An instagram commenter suggested that it looked quite like one of Brian Froud's creatures for Labyrinth, which made me think that it needed a whimsical paint job. I started with a red body for the steed and steel armour, with some brass bits, but this felt a bit too sinister and chaos-like, so I introduced some green and blue to the scheme. I also made a little carrot out of green stuff to dangle from the end of the lance. I imagine this is how the rider gets his weird steed to move.

A Bunch of Chaos Weirdos

 Here are some chaos guys that I've been working on. Although they're ancient and short, I still really like the old chaos marine miniatures (well, most of them).

I had a load of damaged bits, and some legs made from a ruined old plastic Khorne berserker (no idea where this part came from!). I added loads of extra parts to make a full model, including a resin Necromunda arm, a fantasy helmet and the face of a Sigmarine. I'm not sure where the bag and chain parts came from, but they look suitably chaotic.

Here he is with some paint. Next to him is a marine from a boxed set featuring the chaos warlord Fabius Bile. Bile is a mad scientist type who can "enhance" his minions. This being the wonderful world of Warhammer, this turns them into hideous maniacs.

This particular hideous maniac is not a great model (none of this set are). His head is very big, and the sculpting is a bit crude. Well, I did my best, and tried to make him look suitable mad. He has a lot of wires and pipes, which I imagine pump some unwholesome solution into his body.

The next two were repaints of models I did a while ago. The chap on the left is one of my favourite conversions, which I did when I was about 18. I replaced most of his head with the mouth of a plastic space ork, which I believe is upside down. The other guy is the spotter for a heavy weapon squad. It seemed appropriate to give him a hazard-stripe shoulder pad.

Next up is a trio of disgusting monsters. I made these from all sorts of tyranid and chaos oddments. The big worm was made from a tyranid ravener's lower body and a part from some sort of ugly Khorne monster, probably called a blood-something. I really like them. They remind me of a Francis Bacon painting. Yuck.

All glory to Chaos!