The Loves of Hercules

Hercules (Mickey Hargitay) must save his true love (Jayne Mansfield) from an evil queen.

First of all, that plot really has very little to do with the film. More or less nothing. Hercules is distracted from his love by the queen of the Amazons... but this is really just a subplot. But anyway, the hydra is awesome in its own silly way and these are awesome costumes. Everything about this film is awesome. Awesome. Awesome. I am using that word repeatedly on purpose, because no other word sums this up.

Yeah, it may be more than a bit cheesy, but the Italians had a way of taking the Hercules story and running with it. Mario Bava did, I think even Lucio Fulci did it. Why not Bragaglia? Luca Palmieri is my go-to source for Italian film reviews. All he has to say about this one is that Mansfield is "super-shapely". Great analysis, Luca.

(Upon my second viewing of the film, the cheesiness sort of outweighed the awesome. But it would not be prudent to change the review now just because my opinion changed somewhat, would it?)

The monsters and effects are laughably ridiculous, which is actually a positive that makes this worth watching. Probably the best effect are the tree men. The funniest scene is the Hydra. Other than that, the plot isn't very interesting, just a bunch of convoluted Hercules mythology thrown together. At least the actors were trying. Mostly. Recommended for Jayne Mansfield and the aforementioned silly monsters, if you want to kill some time.

Mickey Hargitay is Hercules in this go-around, with wife Jayne Mansfield playing a couple of roles in a movie in which all the women seem to be what Jane Russell called 'full-figured women' in those Playtex commercials. Hargitay rides around in a very short chiton that must have caused considerable chafing, speaks with an Italian accent in the dubbed version I saw, and fights a three-headed hydra that looks and moves like a carousel critter.

There's almost nothing positive to say about this movie, which looks like it was made for an audience of libidinous five-year-olds.

In THE LOVES OF HERCULES, the titular titan (Mickey Hargitay) is vengeful after his wife is murdered. Herc goes on a quest that includes great tests of strength and feats of derring-do, complete with his toting of an enormous tree as if it was a toothpick, as well as senseless cattle slaughter.

Soon, Queen Deianira (Jayne Mansfield!) falls hopelessly in love with the big lug. A lot of time passes with no real action, though the mighty, shirtless one does glisten like a rotisserie chicken in the sun!

Then, Big H gets a chance to battle the hydra, which looks like a Rose Bowl parade float. He also gets captured by amazons, who look even better in mini-skirts than he does, though their cockatoo headdresses remain a mystery.

This isn't one of the more dynamic of its sub-genre. It mostly exists as an excuse to show off the physical attributes of Hunkules and Ms. Mansfield. So, don't expect a scintillating story line...

HERCULES VS. THE HYDRA definitely ranks in the top 5 of the hundreds of Hercules films made in Italy in the 1960's (the others being HERCULES IN THE HAUNTED WORLD; the original Steve Reeves HERCULES; THE FURY OF HERCULES; the delirious THE WITCH'S CURSE; and the equally gonzo HERCULES PRISONER OF EVIL.) But back to HYDRA -- first, you've got Jayne Mansfield and Mickey Hargitay, and the fact that they eventually married, and that Mansfield died tragically, lends an undeniable poignancy to this movie. There's no way around it, it's part of Hollywood history, and it makes this a very melancholy portrait of two people falling in love. Second, there's Hargitay -- and dammit, he's a REALLY GOOD Hercules, possibly the best on a pure acting level (and Hargitay wasn't really an actor, so that's saying something.) He's dubbed (of course), but there's a real emotional yearning quality that comes across here, and he puts his heart and soul into almost every scene. Watch a bunch of the other Hercules actors and you'll see what I mean. Best of all, the movie veers off into delirious Alexander Ptushko territory about halfway through, when Herc encounters the three-headed Hydra in the land of the Amazons. Anyone who loves Ray Harryhausen type fantasy films will get a kick out of this one. The weird-ass forest of human trees is especially good. Definitely a winner.